#which is a nice set up for generational trauma

[aparticularbandit]

Agatha tells Wanda there will always be torches and pitchforks for women like them.

Lilia exemplifies this in the way she talks about how witches are perceived in culture (and I think may even allude to Agatha's line at one point).

Maybe Agatha doesn't just mean witches in general.

Maybe she means witches with great power they cannot control.

Because we see how even other witches go after Agatha, even from the beginning.

It's not just a general warning about witches; it's a personal warning filled with experience.

[kaiserouo]

[harmoonix]

MOONLESS

astrology observations

Lilith (h12) aspecting the Sun or Moon both can represent issues with their relatives/family members, can be a generational trauma involving the family life as well

Aries Venus/Mars is very true that natives with these placements tend to be loyal to their partners/family/friends and can risk everything for them

Venus in the 1st house can be critical about their beauty, Venus in the 1st house is a good house but not the best for Venus to feel like home, you should always appreciate yourself

Pluto - Moon aspects in a chart can make the person to seem "emotionless" and cold even invisible to others, yet they feel the most and are not able to tell anyone about it

Lilith - Pluto aspects can indicate being abused for power/being seen as a threat. Natives with these aspects can be manipulated by others but aslo to manipulate at their own

Neptune in the 4th house can feel so confused when it comes to their desires about family, they may not be as interested about creating their own

Mercury in the 10th house can use communication a lot at their jobs/these can also be used to talking more than 1 language and can have jobs which can require that

Mercury at 6,18 or in virgo can be so critical if they are not developed, talking bad about other people, judging, etc. They are good at expressing themselves tho

Saturn at 4,16,28 degrees can often lack that "comfort" feeling, can also lack the feeling of love, compassion, not because they want to but mostly happens because of their family

Jupiter in the 2nd or 8th house natives know how to make money fast, they can also manifest money if they truly want that, but they are also good at spending them

Leo Moons would be good to play in any emotional - drama show tbh, they have that dramatic energy we all need, plus they also like to make dramatic stories

Pluto or Lilith in the 5th house (Mars too) can show bad experiences in childhood, bullying, agression, fights/arguments, is a placement that has a lot of power and also a lot of damage

Aquarius Uranus generstion can be more on the humanitarian side of the society while Pisces Uranus on the emotional state of the society

Scorpio Saturn is indeed a heavy place for Saturn just like the 8th house because it indicates lots of challenges and rebirths in the natives life. Also points out that the native evolves overtime ending in their best version of themselves

Capricorn/Saturn in the 12th house, deep asf placement because they put pressure on the subconscious, can be more pessimistic and feels drained by others

Mars aspecting Saturn can show anger issues in a person's chart. The native eventually grew up with parents or family with the same issues

Saturn aspecting the North Node is so heavy. Makes you so confused on which path life to go, getting a karmic life influenced by the environment/the place they grew up

Pisces North Node has the life lesson to embrace their spirtual side, can be used as a form of healing as well. Keep your intuition high

Chiron aspecting the NN (north node) can indicate you need a balance in life. Because there can be something in your life that you are aware of yet you choose to ignore it.

Venus in Libra or at 7° 19° degrees shows that you need to be inspired in life in order to create something, can be based on anything

Idk if you guys observed this but natives with Sag Placements always set up hopes for something. They will hope for a thing until it happens

Reminder for Moon - Venus aspects to not fall for every nice person they see because not all people have good intentions

If you have Lilith in Gemini or 3rd house you can often experience ppl talking about you,in good or bad ways but it will still happen. We cannot shut the world's mouth

Sagittarius Mars cannot stay in one place. They need either to move or travel because otherwise their inner core feels overwhelmed (also Mars in the 9th house or at 9° 21° too)

Something funny about Libra or Capricorn Mercuries is that they will always bring some logical subject even in the most weirdest conversations and expecting you to know about it

Having Pluto or Neptune in the 12th house can make you tired about life ( in all topics or general). Can happen to most of us. World is a draining place

Always check your TRANSITS!! If you have a bad day, check them and see how it will manifest! Because they are tied together with us

🖤 Hope you all have a good monday!!

🖤Harmoonix🖤

[star-anise]

are we talking about broke therapists yet?

I've been out of things for a couple of years now, which is why I'm willing to talk about it, and maybe the pandemic has helped things a little, but holy shit the counselling and psychotherapy field is not equipped to help its practitioners in the gig economy.

Of all my interests and talents, I pursued a degree in psychology because being a therapist is supposed to be a safe, stable, well-paid job. Every therapist I met who was registered before 2008 worked and lived under that assumption. And oh boy are all the fee structures--registration, supervision, continuing education, conferences--set up for that scenario.

After getting my Master's, I struggled like hell to get a job. It was especially bad because to get my license, I needed a supervisor to take me on. To take me on, most supervisors wanted me to already have a caseload and client base. To get a caseload and client base, I needed a job.

Friends: Every single job I heard back on wanted me to have my license before I could even land an interview.

Professors and career advisors and professional development specialists all advised me very earnestly to just keep cold-calling people on the supervision list, and it began to feel a lot like my parents' friends telling me to hit the bricks and hand out resumes. That's what worked for them, right?

I finally got a supervisor who agreed to take me on, and I'd be able to use her clinic for advertising and workspace, and we were doing the paperwork to send in with my registration, when she called me up and said, "Is this job going to be your only source of income? If you're trying to depend on getting clients and building your practice for your basic needs, this is not going to work out. This has to be something you're doing on top of a basic salary. Okay, so you're not working anywhere else right now? I'm sorry, I can't move forward with this."

Even once I landed a supervisor and a job building my own private practice, I struggled. I have ADHD and am not great at self-promotion, so trying to do all my own advertising, scheduling, bookkeeping, billing, and records management (on top of counselling) was an enormous strain. One my bosses, supervisors, and other senior professionals watched with a slightly critical eye, but consoled me about because in their early days, their clinics had had business managers, receptionists, filing clerks, and accountants, and getting used to doing everything online yourself was a bit of a learning curve, wasn't it?

I counted my pennies very carefully, because I had to pay my supervisor roughly $180 for their services every 6 hours of in-person counselling I did. This meant that to break even I had to charge my clients an average of about $30 (plus room rental and service fees) an hour--and my clients, being people with complex trauma, were frequently poor, disabled, unemployed, and had no health benefits, so even $10 or $20 a session was a lot for them.

Maybe it would have been easier if I could have taken some of those nice comfortable organization positions where they find clients and funding for you and you work 40 hours a week and get benefits and a pension, but I had to be disabled into the bargain, so working 40 hours a week just isn't possible for me. I start passing out from stress and exhaustion. Older colleagues gave me serious-faced advice about approaching my employer and asking them for some flexibility and accommodation in my schedule, and I tried to explain across the gap between us that employers simply did not hire me if I made the slightest noise about the workload. They weren't going to invest in me as a person; they were hiring 40 units of work a week, and if I wouldn't do it there were a dozen applicants after me who would.

At one point I broke down enough to email my licensing body because the Annual General Meeting/Professional Development Conference was coming up, and I wanted to attend, but I could not produce $500 to do it with. Was there some kind of way I could attend anyway? I felt ashamed to have to ask, and then absolutely mortified when the response came from the organization president, who needed to personally sign off on me being too poor to attend the single most important event in my profession's calendar year.

I honestly felt so ashamed all the time at how I was apparently failing to be a successful therapist, failing to be rich and successful, and every time I mentioned it around mentors and bosses, I could feel myself shrinking from a person to a problem to be solved. My closest therapist-friends and I have reflected on how much more difficult, poorly-paid and underworked, our various career starts have been than we were ever warned about. About the classmates and coworkers who couldn't get disability exceptions when they fell behind in their registration requirements, or burned out and left the field, or dropped their registrations and took up as life coaches, or moved their whole family somewhere exceptionally remote or rural because it was the only good job available, or worked for some godforsaken app skirting the bounds of malpractice like BetterHelp.

I like those conversations, because I feel less like an absolute fuck-up in them. There's less "Hey Lis, you were so talented in grad school, I really admired you, what are you doing now?" "Oh, I, uh... am professionally disabled, so I get government benefits, and I... sell embroidery patterns on Etsy now."

My own therapist kept asking if and when I felt like going back to being a counsellor, and I finally told him: I don't, actually. I don't want to go back and do it like I was doing it before. It was a profession I loved to the depths of my soul, and it profoundly did not love me back. I can't even imagine what would have to change, in me or it, to make it have a space in it that could fit me.

All of which I was way too scared to admit to at the time, because the more I let people know I was struggling, the more they hinted that maybe I just wasn't in a place in my life where this was a job I could do, and I needed to take a little break and wait to come back until money and disability just weren't issues for me anymore.

Eventually my cups of doubt and exhaustion did overflow, and I quit. I'm here now, living a much different life. And at the very least, all my years of helping people in bad life situations set me up perfectly for my own. I already knew what form to fill out for financial assistance, which student clinics to access for mental health support, and which government agency would, if pressed, cough out pharmacy coverage for the genuinely destitute. It gave me that much.

I hope this is just me being in extraordinary circumstances, sitting at the intersections of a few different shitty life situations that most people skip right past. Because it's on one level comforting, but another deeply infuriating, if I'm not, and I've just missed it or we've just all been too afraid to admit it to each other.

[beefcakekinard]

i really think maddie and tommy could be really good friends. like at first their shared connection is buck - and that's a strong starting point, they both love this golden retriever of a man, and they both think he deserves all the love a person could possibly fit into their life! maddie is generous with the baby stories, which buck finds generally distressing, but tommy just eats them up, he's totally enamoured and it becomes really clear to maddie that tommy really wants to know all of buck that there is to know.

one evening maybe they're over at maddie and chim's for dinner and they've finished eating, they're both watching chim and buck chase jee around the backyard - tommy makes a comment like "howie's such a great dad" and maddie thinks, not for the first time, how nice it is to talk to someone who knows them as howie and evan. so she asks tommy if they can do lunch sometime, just the two of them.

lunch is fun. maddie is kind of surprised by just how much tommy makes her laugh; buck goes on all the time about how funny he is, but they've never spent time together outside of a group setting, where tommy is less naturally chatty. he has a dry sense of humour that more than once startles her into laughter, and they're having so much fun that it's so easy to decide to extend lunch into coffee at a place nearby.

relatively recently, tommy has been brought into the fold of buckley sibling trauma, and when she brings up her parents in some way, he gives her his condolences for daniel's loss. she immediately gets choked up the way she always does when this subject comes up, from the tenderness of a wound left raw and ignored for so long, but she breathes through it and thanks him, sincerely. she tells him that it's nice to be able to talk about daniel again, and to get to finally share him with evan. tommy's so open and easy to talk to, and doesn't push or pry. he says that he knows how it feels growing up with parents who aren't able, or willing, to give you what you need. when she eventually changes the subject, he goes along with it easily.

anyway, they have a really good time. i think they have a lot they can connect about, and their personalities mix in a really fun way! lunch becomes a semi-regular thing, as much as they can manage with their schedules. maddie gets tommy into the bachelor - he gets her into his favourite movies. in no time at all they have their own jokes and references. they fit naturally into each other's handpicked families like they were supposed to be there all along.

[whatawaitsus]

It's your final year at Killian Argent's School for the Supernatural; a prestigious boarding school for supernatural beings. In theory this doesn't mean much. Your future has been set since you were a child: graduate from a prestigious boarding school, get into an equally prestigious college that your parents will pay for, and then get a prestigious well-paying job with your father's connections. It is what is, you're past the point of complaining at this point in your life.

Despite being one of the most expensive schools in the nation, nothing particularly interesting has happened at the school in the nine years you've been here— aside from the occasional accidental possession caused by a ghost or the common room getting flooded after a nixie gets too frustrated over their homework.

That is until students start to go missing.

Oh, and you start having prophetic dreams of your missing brother. But, that's probably better to unpack later, in all honesty.

What Awaits Us is upcoming choicescript interactive fiction project. The game is rated 16+ for violence, manipulation, kidnapping, strong language, drug use, religious imagery and trauma and optional suggestive content.

Choose what kind of witch you are; customize your gender, pronouns, sexuality, physical appearance, personality, magic class, uniform style, dorm decor, familiar, and more.

Balance trying to solve the disappearances of your peers and your performance as a student.

Establish your relationships with your parents and older brother by playing through flashbacks.

Deicide on your class schedule and extracurricular activity that will have the ability to affect your stats.

Choose one out of five romantic options; a moody kitsune, an expressive siren, a bubbly godling, or a quiet godling, or an apathetic arachne.

Solve the mystery of the missing kids and potentially get a lead on your runaway brother.

Unwillingly gain a weird almost mentor figure in the form of one of your teachers.

Rei Nakamura [they/them, kitsune]: C's roommate. Rei has been at this school as long as you, though your interactions are next to none. You always spot their name at the top of all the classes you share. They generally keep to themselves, only interacting with C and the kids they tutor. When they do talk it's usually an insult or a refusal to do something. It's not a surprise that they're generally disliked by most of the school. How they happened to befriend an outgoing siren is beyond you.

Cleo/Cyrus Valtameri [gender selectable, siren]: Rei's roommate. C is.. a lot. They transferred during your ninth term; originally from Drialia, which is clear from their accent. They joined the theater club nearly as soon as they were enrolled and have landed nearly every lead since then. The two of you don't interact much, but when you do happen to cross paths they're always animatedly nice to you; they're like that to everyone except Rei, really. You almost swear you've seen the two of them point at you and laugh.

Lydia Taylor* [she/her, godling]: Lukas's twin sister. You've been partnered up with Lydia a few times for projects and she's always a diligent student. She's in the boxing club, which is honestly kind of intimidating, especially after what happened between her and Stephan Kim in your sixth term. But, she's always been plenty nice to you too, not fake nice like you've realized most of your classmates are. She and her brother are never apart from eachother, either.

Lukas Taylor [he/him, godling]: Lydia's twin brother. Lukas Taylor has been going through an 'emo phase' about as long as you've known him. You vaguely remember the mop of strawberry blond hair that was on his head when he first came here, though you have a suspicion he bribed a mage to wipe it from the yearbooks. Lukas is quiet; the polar opposite of his sister. You don't think he's in any clubs, though he is always carrying around a weathered sketchbook.

Nico/Nadia Ruiz-Estrada [gender selectable, arachne]: Your roommate. N and you have shared a dorm for the past five years, and they're possibly your best friend. Despite constantly skipping all of their classes, barring the ones the two of you share, their grades remain high. Even after knowing them for six years you still don't know if they care about anything besides displeasing their older sister. They started a band in your ninth year; Bite The Bullet. Half of the kids in your term are convinced they were formerly in prison, something that makes N laugh hysterically whenever you bring it up.

Polyamorous routes available with Rei & Cleo/Cyrus and Lukas & Nico/Nadia.

*Lydia is only romancable by female and nonbinary MC's.*

[rosewaterandivy]

answer July— ah, said July—

summary: from Summersong Request-athon, inspired by "July, July!" as requested by marvelous Meg aka @courtingchaos 💜 || The soft pad of your index finger trails down the scar of his jaw, lingering there as you smile, a little different from before.

Softer, somehow. As if it’s just for him.

w.c.: 4700

pairing: e.m. x f!reader

themes: prosaic summer feels, the ephemeral nature of time, processing trauma, mention of previous bodily harm & its aftermath, insecurities and the like, body worship

a/n: long time, no see my fellow fiends. did i let this run away from me? maybe. do i care? not a wit! thanks for tagging along with the team, aka let eddie have a nice, normal summer for once - hope you enjoy! title from "Answer July" by Emily Dickinson.

Summer slipped by syrupy slow, lingering around the edges. All honey-coated and sweet, so much so in fact, that it struck one Eddie Munson as rather strange.

Granted, his spring had been touch and go what with being the town pariah and nearly bleeding his ever-loving guts out in the Upside Down and all. So maybe a slow uneventful summer was well-warranted after all of that.

May sprinted past with its final school bells ringing and a quick dash across the stage at graduation to snatch a diploma from Higgins before the school board could think better of it. He hastily threw together a quick campaign to welcome Will Byers back to town and only somewhat regretfully passed the mantle of Hellfire over to Henderson.

He got himself a job, nothing to write home about, but certainly something to pass the time and get him out of the house. Wayne insisted Eddie didn’t need to work and Eddie said the same for him, the never-ending cycle rearing its head once more.

The government hush money was, after all, nothing if not generous.

Still, he felt ill at ease in the new house. Liable to crawl out of his skin at times.

Besides, if it weren’t for the job, he’d have never set his sorry sights on the newbie behind the counter at the soda fountain.

Yes, of fucking course Hawkins, Indiana had an old-fashioned soda shop pharmacy combo.

Which did nothing to help his sweet tooth.

So, on the days he happened to close the record store, Eddie would peer across the street searching for a familiar head of hair, usually swept up onto a bun or ponytail by day’s end, and a smile that could melt the cockles of his cold, black heart.

The bell chimed as you rung up a sale for a customer at the register, the cash drawer grazing a bit of skin at your hip as you turned.

“Be with you in a sec!”

Eddie settled himself on a well-worn stool and drummed his fingers along the polished counter. He watched as you counted change for one of the old biddies who all but forced casserole down the throats of the Munson men after he’d been discharged from the hospital.

She thanks you and shoves a dollar in the tip jar as she makes to leave.

“Looking lovely as ever Pearl,” A low familiar voice says.

“Oh, you sweet talker,” The older woman swats at Munson still perched on his stool. She tsks and tugs at a lock of hair that’s fallen from where he’d tied it back in frustration. “One of these days I’ll come at you with my scissors, young man.”

Eddie sighs dramatically and swivels on the stool as she reaches the door, “Promises, promises. And yet…”

Pearl pushes the door open and says with a wink, “You’ll never see me coming.”

The door falls shut behind her, allowing him to return his attention to you behind the counter.

At the far end of the shop, you’re hefting open freezer doors and scooping out near perfect spheres of ice cream onto sugar and waffle cones, scoffing when someone requests a cup instead.

He’s surprised to see no one else behind the counter, there’s usually at least one person to man the counter with during the busier hours, the after dinner rush.

The door keeps chiming as people join the line, eyeing the offerings— campfire marshmallow, french toast, vanilla, strawberry, rainbow sherbert— the list goes on and on. Some lean over and whisper to their dates, earning a tittering giggle here and there. Sticky hands of children smack against the glass pointing out their selection as you shove another scoop onto a towering waffle cone.

And it’s then that Eddie decides he’s had quite enough of this.

Tossing his bag behind the counter and hopping over it, all long limbs and pointy elbows. His knees pop slightly as he passes behind you to grab a scoop from the water trough.

“What’re you doing?”

“Uh, helping out?”

And without another word, he turns to the next customer and takes their order, only stepping on the toes of your Keds once or twice before locating the correct flavor.

“God,” He mutters under his breath, the tendons of his forearm prominent as he scoops a glob of pink cotton candy ice cream onto a sugar cone. “People actually like this crap?”

You merely shrug in response before sliding the freezer door shut and opening the next. It goes like this for nearly half and hour before Vickie stumbles in from the service entrance, her cheeks tinged pink and accompanied by a dazed look in her eye.

“Sorry, sorry!” She frantically apologizes, clocking in with her punch card.

Tying on an apron, which Eddie never bothered to do, she greets the customers at the till and rings them up while you make what could very well be the hundredth shake ordered that day, the mixer revving loudly over your retort.

“I’ll allow it,” You turn with a knowing smirk to Vickie, “But you owe me big time, Little Red.”

“Details?” She squeaks.

“Oh, that and more Vic,” You laugh as the machine whirs to a stop.

Deftly, you pour the shake into a cup and shake the canister of whipped cream vigorously. Eddie tries and fails to hide the blush coloring his cheeks as your shirt rides up with the motion. The ‘JERK’ emblazoned on your chest pulling taut against the swell of your breasts from the movement.

He nearly chokes on his own spit.

“Shit,” He rasps as his throat pulls tight.

Passing the shake over with a polite smile to a customer, you thump him forcefully on the back.

Which would be all well and good, if not for the fact that he wasn’t expecting it, and, as a result, falls bodily into your chest, legs tangling with yours, and takes the pair of you down to the mat behind the counter.

“Ow.”

Peering open an eye, he finds Vickie, arms crossed and toe tapping the tile floor, looking down at the both of you with a bemused pull of her lips.

“See, this is why it’s employees only behind the counter,” You say with a grunt as you peel yourself from the floor. “You’re not OSHA certified, Munson.”

Eddie digs the heel of his palms into his eye sockets, hoping that maybe he can just sink into the floor and forget this ever happened.

Because you’re warm, what with having worked up a sweat manning the counter single-handedly and your legs are nice; too nice maybe, with the way his heart is kicking up in his chest, to say nothing of what’s kicking up in his pants.

“Sorry,” He sighs, coming to a seated position. “Are you okay?”

Dusting your hands against the denim cutoffs you’re sporting, you turn and give him a smile. “Never better.”

Legs still tangled, you unwind your limbs from his, crisp white Keds knocking against scuffed Reeboks. He takes the hand you offer and allows himself to be pulled up, only to be greeted by six beatific smiles and less than subtle winks or nods.

“Sooooo,” Dustin drawls, fingers drumming against the glass of the freezer, “Fun trip?”

The ensuing laughter and taunts from what was formerly his favorite group of high schoolers, is enough to make Eddie miss the solitude of Reefer Rick’s cabin.

_

If May was a sprint, then June was a dive into cool water.

Rope swings lassoed around tree branches, splashing into a placid lake from great heights. Blankets spread on rocks and grass for makeshift picnics. The hum of cicadas as lips wrapped around lifted bottles of booze from the Harrington’s liquor cabinet.

Nearly a month gone and Eddie still hadn’t worked up the courage.

Which is how he found himself perched on rock formation that bordered Lover’s Lake with the boys— Harrington, Byers, and Argyle— playing barely tipsy lifeguard as you swam circles around Nancy, Robin, and Vickie. The latter two had somehow wound themselves into a Gordian Knot of limbs and had earned an eagle-eyed glare from one former captain of the swim team.

“Go to the shallows!” Steve called out, a half-empty bottle of whiskey at his feet. “No, Rob,” He huffed and stood up, “You gotta use your arms, like this!” He demonstrated with a perfect backstroke that Robin seemed woefully unequipped to replicate.

“What?!”

Robin’s befuddled call echoed against the rocks lining the shore and spurned Steve into action.

“Jesus Christ,” He muttered, passing the bottle off to Eddie. “Stay there ya dingus!”

Steve’s body elegantly cut into the water and he surfaced to a smattering of applause from those still perched on the rock.

“Good form, I’d give it a solid 8.5,” Eddie decreed before taking long pull from the bottle.

“Now way man,” Argyle piped up, “That’s at least a 9.The way he slipped into the water like that? Some top tier stuff right there.”

He elbowed Jonathan who was preoccupied with blowing rings from his joint.

“Huh? Oh, uh. 5?”

Steve merely rolled his eyes and swam toward Robin and Vickie, who where no closer to shore now than they were when this whole charade began.

“You’re shitting me dude. A 5 out of 10?”

“Oh, fuck.” Jonathan completed one rather slow blink in Eddie’s direction. “I thought it was like, out of five. My bad.”

Argyle called out the new score from the judges to Steve, who had his hands full with Robin and Vickie’s frantically kicking and thrashing limbs, so much so, that he was rather relieved when you swam up beside him to help.

Eddie placed the bottle between his feet and leaned back on his hands, face turned toward the night sky.

Stars littered the inky blue like so many twinkling lights. A few lightning bugs buzzed further along the edge of the wood, a soft yellow glow to guide through the dark. The lake grew calm again, small lapping waves skirting the shore as distant voices grew closer.

“Hey man,” Argyle nudged Eddie’s shoulder with his, knocking him from his reverie. “How’s our favorite soda jerk?”

He smiled despite himself, “She’s fine, I guess.”

“Hmm. And Operation Meatball?”

Eddie groaned and rolled his eyes, “Henderson got to you too, I see. That kid needs to get a hobby.”

Dustin, and the rest of his band of hellions, had gotten it into their heads that Eddie and you were destined to be. Had an entire notebook dedicated to plans and named the whole endeavor after a scene from Lady and the Tramp, which Eddie couldn’t even bring himself to protest.

“I dunno dude,” Argyle shrugged, “She’s schmokin and I may have seen her eye you a time or two.”

He was glad for the cover of night, because his face felt positively on fire.

“You know, if you’d—” Argyle began, only to get cut off by the sound of approaching footfalls.

“Hey guys,” You greeted, stepping onto the rock and dripping water onto Eddie’s arm. “Oh, shit, sorry Ed!” You take a step back and grab a towel from a nearby bag. Tying your hair up in the striped towel, you settle back at his side. “Ooh, got any more of that?”

He follows your eyes to the bottle at his feet, and stretches to grab it. Your damp fingers brush his along the neck of the bottle, and he, impossibly, blushes all the more.

“S’all yours.”

“Much obliged,” You say with a nod toward him.

Your lips wrap around the bottle, and Eddie can’t help but watch a rivulet of water trickle its way down your throat. His fingers itch to chase it, his tongue longs to taste it.

Jonathan deploys a well-timed cough and pointed glance in Eddie’s direction to excuse himself and Argyle.

“Catch you later chica,” Argyle promises with a grasp to your shoulder, “Lemme know when that horchata flavor comes in!”

You promise to do so with a laugh and a wave, before turning your attention back to the water. Eddie sits at your side, quiet, save for the movemnt of his fingers as he fiddles with his rings. There’s a few sounds from Steve dutifully pouring Robin and Vickie into the BMW with conferring with Nancy as she wrangles Jonathan and Argyle into the station wagon.

“You good?”

Turning at the sound of Nancy’s voice, Eddie can see your mouth pull into a smile, the white of your teeth bringing to mind a cheshire cat. Your elbow knocks into his as you duck toward him conspiratorially.

“Whaddya say, Eddie?”

“Hmm?”

Lightning bugs float around your damp hair that’s fallen from its turban, water slick waves drying slowly in the summer heat. A halo blurry gold around your head, Eddie loses all faculty of language, lost in the soft glow cast against your sun warmed skin.

“Take me home?”

He merely nods in response, swallowing around the lump in his throat.

“I’m good!” You call back to Nancy and take another pull from the bottle.

“Call me when you’re home!”

The sound of car engines turning over fills the air, tires crunching over gravel and dried pine needles littering the forest floor. The heat of the day quickly dissipates, replaced with a soft breeze that alleviates a bit of the humidity. And it’s quiet on the shore, save for the clinking of the bottle as you take sips every so often.

For all his gregarious and dramatic antics, truth be told, Eddie didn’t quite know how to simply be. At least, not since spring break with the nearly dying and all of that. He’d returned to the land of the living a little more somber, recovering in the hospital between hushed tones from doctors and nurses, louder exclamations from Henderson and his brood, the comforting weight of Wayne’s hand at his shoulder.

Sure, he’d rallied.

Put on a brave face for the kids, found familiarity in a strained smile mirrored in Steve. Noticed his own body jerking in time with Robin’s at the sound of an unanticipated loud noise. Was quick to cover his discomfort with a joke buoyed by Argyle’s raucous laugh. Found himself helping Nancy plan outings to take everyone’s mind off of things. Sought out Jonathan to share a smoke when it all got to be too much.

But you—

He never minded the quiet with you.

Eddie could maybe, for a moment, let it fall away.

A clink of a glass bottle broke his reverie as it joined the others discarded on the ground.

“This is nice,” You said with a languid stretch, arms raised above your head and falling in a graceful arc as you settled back against the rock.

He had to agree.

“Can I uh, ask you something?”

Your voice had taken on an unfamiliar tone, almost as if you made yourself smaller and unsure. It wasn’t his favorite, he had to admit. Eddie preferred the unapologetic way you carried yourself, a royal flush of confidence which you bandied about with no inhibitions.

Timid didn’t suit you, at least, not in his humble opinion.

He knocked shoulders with you, tried to inject some levity into his voice.

“Shoot.”

“Well,” You squirmed next to him, “And you don’t have to answer this if like, it makes you uncomfortable— the last thing I wanna do is offend you, swear to God.” You take a breath to steel yourself. “I just, I noticed you weren’t swimming today.”

“Ah.”

“I mean,” You clear your throat, “You really never swim, not at Steve’s pool, not here. So.”

“Are you asking if I can swim?” He jokes, “Because, I’m definitely capable. Dear old Dad threw me into a creek,” crick, “And told me to get on with it.”

A hushed laugh falls from your lips, “So, you can but you don’t. Any reason why?”

“Well that,” He says, softer now, “Is quite the story.”

You hum, content with the response not pushing for more than he’s willing to share.

“Tell me someday?”

And oh, is he in trouble. Because the odds of that are more far likely than you’d think.

You’re quick to pack up after that. Eddie trails after you, tossing an odd can or cigarette butt into a trash bag and hauling it to the van. He scratches the light stubble of his jaw, nail catching along the scar decorating his cheek. It’s not as bad as it had been, mostly white with pink tinged edges, and receding into his jawline enough to slip most notice.

It’s not that Eddie regrets the scars, he did what he had to do— the whorls of pink and white puckered skin that now embellished him from hip to shoulder were a simple reminder of that.

Just not one that he’s keen to advertise.

He lets you fiddle with the radio, static crackling through the speakers before the opening riff of Cream’s “Sunshine of Your Love” sails through. An easy smile lights up your face as you lean back in the seat and sing along.

I’ll be with you my darling, soon, I’ll be with you when the stars start falling

His grip tightens on the wheel and he wills himself to focus on the road ahead and not the soft croon of your voice. Which is kind of difficult given how sweet you sound, how desperate he is for your touch.

He rolls up to your apartment complex by the song’s end, having had the pleasure of your signing for the duration of the drive. And Eddie’s probably biased, but he thinks you could give Jack Bruce a run for his money.

He parks the van in front of your building, letting it idle as you unbuckle your seatbelt. You’re grooving a little bit in your seat, and Eddie allows himself a moment to be selfish— gazing as you shake out your mostly dry hair and sway in time to the song, a secret smile pulling at his lips.

Opening your eyes, you meet his gaze. Leaning over the consol, your fingers caress his jaw, turning him to face you fully. The soft pad of your index finger trails down the scar of his jaw, lingering there as you smile, a little different from before.

Softer, somehow. As if it’s just for him.

I’ve been waiting so long, to be where I’m going in the sunshine of your love.

_

But July—

July passes like a dream, as delightful as the sugary syrup currently crawling its way down your arm. The bomb pop melting all too quickly in the height of the summer sun, trickles of red, white, and blue cascade down your sun hewn skin.

A screech pierces the air as Eddie leans over from his seat on the Harrington’s patio to lick the drips from your arm.

Loud enough to draw the attention of the kids and soon his soft huffs of laughter as replaced with a prolonged “Eeeewwww,” from the girls and an offended scoff of “Gross,” from Henderson.

“Can it!” Steve says, volleying a beach ball at his head, knocking his ever-preset baseball cap into the chlorinated water.

Eddie nods in thanks before continuing his assault of your arm.

“Shit, babe, no teeth!”

He ignores this and elects to dig his teeth into the temptation of your skin. You swat him away and recline back in your chair, Raybans affixed to your face, a pout on your lips.

“You’re no fun,” He grouses, kicking back in his recliner. “You use teeth.”

“Artfully,” You quip back in reply, “Poetry will be written about the exploits of my chompers, the deftness, the skill with which I decorate canvases of skin.”

And well yeah, Eddie would know. He has several bruises blossoming along his torso and thighs from said exploits.

So he really couldn’t complain.

He lets the clubmasters slide back onto his face, the blue polarized lenses giving the scene a cooler, dreamier tint. His hand falls to the side, fingers walking their way over to tangle with yours. You give him a quick squeeze before turning your attention back to your latest bookstore acquisition, The Handmaid’s Tale.

In fact, once Eddie got over himself and blurted out some amalgamation of ‘Can I take you out?’, you’d booped him on the nose in response, much to his horror, and waited a beat to say:

“Sure thing, stud,” — Eddie’s summer had only gotten better.

Was it annoying to have near daily occurrence of high schoolers singing “Summer Lovin’” at him? Yes. Were you worth it? Obviously.

Eddie had attempted to date, briefly and disastrously, in the past. In that respect, maybe he was a little gun shy.

But one night stands? Quickies? Handies after a deal at a party? Bjs in the back of the van?

Yeah, that he’d done. And was definitely the more enthusiastic partner in retrospect. And now, with you?

Well, suffice it to say that your first round in the sack wasn’t exactly picture perfect, and he’d nearly gotten a broken nose for all his effort. But, y’know, learning curve and all that, maybe some lighting was required so he could avoid getting socked in the mouth or something.

“Yuck, what is that?” Dustin says with thinly veiled annoyance, gesturing to your hand clasped in Eddie’s. “Hands Across America?”

“The fuck,” Eddie perks up, squinting as he flips his sunglasses onto his forehead. “Hands doing what now?”

“Pfft,” You blow a raspberry and lazily thumb over to a new page, “You don’t even know what day it is, or what’s going on.”

“Yeah, and I wish I knew even less.”

“Hands Across America was months ago, by the way.”

“Hmm, is that so?”

“Really and truly.”

“So, hey,” Eddie ignores Dustin’s gagging and turns toward you in earnest. “D’ya like sex?”

“Uh huh.”

“And travel, you like that, right?”

“Yep.”

“Well then, sweetheart,” He drops your hand from his, drawing your interest away from the plot.

You huff, perturbed by the interruption and glance his way.

“Then you can fuck right off.”

Eddie raises a solitary finger elegantly, aristocratically even. Something practiced time and time again until it became second nature. It’d be kind of impressive if he weren’t so damned annoying about it, flipping the bird every chance he got.

A trait that, unfortunately, the young Wheeler had adopted as his own.

Despite yourself, a laugh breaks from your lips, loud enough to draw the other’s attention from the pool.

“God, I hate you.”

“Really and truly?”

“Oh, you bet sunshine.”

Unbeknownst to the pair of you, Steve and Robin had corralled the kids out of the pool and lured them away with the promise of pizza. Nancy sidles out from the sliding glass door with the cordless in hand, tossing it over to Eddie.

“We got the usual— cheese, pepperoni, and cheesy bread. But I know you’re particular, so.”

“Right on, Wheels. Good lookin’ out.”

Eddie grabs for you again fingers twining with yours as he rattles off the usual to the pizza guy as Nancy makes her way back inside.

“Hey man, can I get an order of mushroom and black olive with the banana peppers and a shit ton of red pepper flakes? Uh huh, yeah.”

He pulls the phone away from his face, tucking it against his jaw to mouth something to you.

You watch his lips, red from one too many popsicles, form the words.

“Garlic sauce? Hell yeah.”

He returns to the call.

“And the— Oh, you heard that? Cool. Thanks, man.”

He hangs up and tosses the phone onto a rumpled pile of towels, tugging at your arm.

“Ugh, what,” You grouse, finally dropping your book on the patio.

“You’re so far away,” He whines, draping the back of his hand across his forehead to heave a woeful sigh. “Oh, when will my beloved return from the war?”

You roll your eyes and clamber over to his pool chair, straddling his hips. “Okay, calm down Scarlett. Tara is thattaway.” You hike a thumb somewhere in the general vicinity of what you’re pretty sure is south. You laugh and crawl your way into his lap.

And, here’s the thing:

It’s easy.

A foreign concept in Eddie’s life up until this particular point.

Which is to say, that since the advent of your relationship with him, Eddie found himself spending more time on his knees than he ever had amongst the pews.

While there’s no catechism for for this particular piety, he’ll take this act of communion for what it is—

His lips and tongue spouting devotionals as he kneels between your thighs. And he’d never been one for God, but maybe He’d made it so two bodies can fit holy wholly together.

After all, he’d been penitent enough.

You twine a streamer of his hair around your finger, head slotting into the cul-de-sac of his throat. His arms wind about your hips, anchoring you in place.

Steve sticks his head out to say he’s forcing the kids on a field-trip to get the pizza, Nance and Robin are grabbing some drinks from the store.

You hum in idle contentment and sink further into Eddie, as if he could consume you entire.

If my body is of your body and your body is of mine, can ever the two be parted? What lies in me now does in you, a reflection in kind.

The marks that decorate his skin, both intentional and accidental, fail to define him.

If they ever really could.

You’d traced their shape, plotted their paths, and transmuted them before his very eyes. The weight, the lead sinking and skittering and pulling him down was no more.

“If I could,” you’d said softly one night, a riot of arms and legs tangled against his own, a lone finger rhapsodizing against his ribs, travelling a familiar continent. “I’d paint you golden.”

No, not gilt.

But gold.

It still daunts Eddie how freely he fell— for you and the effervescent joy that flourished in your wake. It used to unnerve him, if he thought about it too much. For the longest time, he wasn’t sure if what he felt was real, or simply a facsimile of love.

He learned not to dawdle in his darker moods.

He’d hummed at your declaration, so much more accustomed to gloomier comparisons. You’d turned up at him, cleaving your chin across the ladder of his ribs, eyes big and brighter than any star he’d ever seen.

And he hadn’t known what to say.

Weeks had passed and he still hadn’t a clue how to respond.

“Hey,” Dustin yells, striding out of the sliding glass door. “Dinner’s ready!” He waits impatiently, striking a similar pose to that of Steve when he’s at his wit’s end.

“Yeah, yeah,” Eddie says, shooing him away and slinging a leg off of the recliner.

He takes you with him, much to your protest.

“Noooo,” you whine, “Eddie, the physical therapist said—”

“That I’m fine,” He reminds you, securing his grip under your thighs as he carries you inside the house.

Your petulant pout demands satisfaction, and he acquiesces, dipping his head to yours in a quick kiss.

“Y’know,” he says, voice rumbling and low as everyone fixes up their plates in the kitchen. He sets you on the island counter, his hands spread just past your thighs, arms loosely caging you in.

He smells like summer— sugar and chlorine and salt and the tell-tale wisp of a cigarette. His hair is loose and wild, sheltering you from prying eyes as he rests his head against yours.

It hits him like a thunderclap and descends as quickly as revelation.

“I’d follow you into the sun.”

It’s not a declaration, but a simple fact.

Love.

He’d tell you someday, but not quite yet.

For now, he’ll watch your lips kick up in that adorable smile of yours, the kind that crinkles the corner of your eyes from the sheer amount of joy packed in it. Allowing himself to float on the thinnest of air just for a moment.

This summer, you’ve been his North Star, always there.

And he hopes you always will be.

[moonlitstoriess]

Across the Universe-ch.5 (Fenrys x Reader)

Summary: Y/n has everything she needs in life. A family, friends, a safe place she calls home and most importantly a male whom she loves. What happens when it all changes when Y/n finds out about the betrayal of her lover and her so called family? Well, ending up in Terrasen and in queen Aelin's court was not what she expected but what she will need to start her new journey full of surprises.

Warnings: violence, mentions of trauma, abuse, sexual tensioooon

See masterlist

Throughout her life so far, y/n has not met many humans. In fact, the only humans she ever met were the Archeron sisters. It was after the war against Hybern that, when Feyre, her high lady for whom y/n would once do anything for, began her diplomatic arrangements between humans and fae. That is when she would join Lucien and Jurian from time to time, and go to the mortal lands in order to negotiate, set new rules and mediate peace.

Which is why, as she stood in this hall now and saw 2 more humans apart from Elide and Lorcan, y/n was quite unsure and observative. From the corner of the room, she watched everyone hug, except for Lorcan of course because it seems like Elide is the only one who ever gets his nonstop clinging, and greet the new arrivals. It was also annoying how her eyes seemed to only look at the wolf who was looking as delicious as eve- Cauldron, y/n. Get yourself together and stop drooling after the most frustratingly arrogant male in existence.

Her eyes then took in the beautiful woman whose name was Yrene, if she remembered the servants words clearly. She had golden-brown skin and breathtaking curly hair with small specks of dark gold visible. Not to mention her slender frame and very generous other features that most probably drew both men and womens attention to her. This woman looked like a Godess of the Sun.

Y/n's attention then moved to the tall man-Chaol, apparently, beside her. His chestnut hair that is slightly long enough for some strands to reach his brow is what stands out to her first, followed by his copper-brown eyes. Apart from his height, he also seems very muscular. He would be considered quite handsome if not for the small frown on his face directed at y/n. That is when she realized that the room has gone completely silent as everyone is watching her. She swallowed her growing unease and said with a formal tone, "Y/n."

Yrene smiled as she came slightly closer, followed by Chaol who had one hand on his sword, "We heard quite a lot about you in Aelin's letter, Y/n. I am Yrene Westfall, it is so nice to finally meet you."

Then, Yrene nudged Chaol with her elbow as a sign to stop glaring and start talking. He cleared his throat and said, although still glaring and assesing her, and especially her wings "Chaol Westfall. Yrene's husband."

Y/N nodded in acknowledgment, feeling the weight of their scrutiny. It was also not helping that Lorcan's gaze was the harshest. He was staring with such intensity and anger that it was a surprise how she still had not melted away under his cruel gaze. "It's a pleasure to meet both of you," she replied diplomatically, trying to ignore the tension in Chaol's demeanor. She knew their arrival signaled an important moment in Aelin's plans, and if she wanted to find a way back home, she needed to navigate this encounter carefully.

Aelin stepped forward, once again breaking the silence that had settled over the room. "It is so good to have you both here again. Although, I am quite upset that Dorian did not come."

At that, Chaol turned back towards her and said, "Yes, he had some issues to solve in Morath regarding the growing number of rebels who were vandalising places as a sign of opposition to his rule. I offered to be the one to stay back while he came here but he insisted and told me to send his apologies."

Aelin nodded as Rowan stood beside his mate and put his arm around her waist. "Well, you two came a long way so have some rest and then we can discuss the matters at hand."

"Indeed, we have much to tell you."

Once Eva and Lysandra decided to lead the arrivals into the guest bedroom, y/n seperated from everyone as she went up to her room to begin finding a way to decipher this book. But, just when she put the book on the table, a knock came from the other side of the room.

When y/n opened it, Lorcan was on the other side. She did not have a chance to react before he stepped in, closed the door, and took y/n by her neck, pressing her into the cool wall. He was nose to nose with her as he snarled, showing his fangs before saying in a voice that made her feel awful things, "You can fool everyone else with your acts, but not me. I was an immortal once too so do not think for a minute that just because I am now a human, I am somehow weaker than you are. No, I have my eyes all on you and if I even get a whiff of something suspicious, something that poses as a threat to us, or most importantly, to my wife and children, I won't hesitate to end you right then and there. Are we clear?"

His hands, she remembered his hands when they were choking her.

Those hands that almost ended her life. Oh Mother, she did not die then, but she would die now.

No, no, NO, NO-

He then unwrapped his hand from around her throat as y/n held on to the wall while coughing and taking in large gulps of air. Forcing her mind and body back to reality.

I am y/n. I am 152 years old and I am free. I am safe. I am strong. I won't cower. I am a warrior.

She repeated her chants in her mind 2 more times before the blur was gone.

When she calmed down, she forced her face into cool indifference "If you think that by choking and threatening me I will be scared of you, you are utterly wrong. In fact, your utter childish behavior since my awakening has been nothing but hilarious and even if in the beginning I may have found it amusing, I am getting bored of your antics now. My only goal is to get home as soon as possible. I do not trust any of you just like you do not trust me and while it is so 'heroic' that you think of me as a villain you should save your family from, I have no interest in fighting you. Therefore, you either help us find a way to stop the danger that is surely heading your way and send me home, or you could fuck off from my presence because believe me Lorcan, this will be the last time you ever stand in my way or put a hand on me. Because if you do so again, I won't hesitate to end you and then pretend to be sad while patting Elide's back as she cries over your grave."

Lorcan only stared at her with an unreadable expression before saying, "Choose your moves carefully." and with that, he turned around and left.

She went towards the mirror and to absolutely no one's surprise, his large hand had left a huge, red and angry mark around her neck. Y/n sank to her knees as another flashback ran through her mind.

She was 18.

He had given her a good amount of money and sent her to fetch the new scabbard that the swordsmith had created for him. However, it was as if unfortune followed her everywhere she went as a group of 3 males' got in her way.

"Look! a whore to use." one of them said as the other two laughed.

"What use are you talking about? She is all bones and no meat. Disgusting. Would not suggest touching her, even with a ten foot pole."

At that, they all laughed even harder while she only watched with a fearful gaze, trying but failing to get out of their way.

"Give us all your money or you die."

At that, she said, "No, I do not have any money."

One of them grabbed her wrist as he said, "Liar."

The other two immediately put their hands on her as they searched for the pouch with the money, hidden in the breastpocket of her dress.

She tried fighting, tried stopping them but they were soldiers, training to be warriors while she was nothing. They would crash her under their foot with no remorse whatsoever.

The male holding her wrist noticed the pouch poking from within her clothes and immediately ripped the front of her dress apart, leaving her only in her undergown, as he grabbed the money.

Without saying a word, they pushed her to the ground and stepped on her stomach before laughing and walking away.

"Bitch"

"Useless females"

"Lets go spend it"

That was all she heard as y/n clutched her stomach and lay in the middle of the cold and empty ground.

When she came home, with no scabbard, a ripped dress and an aching stomach, he got up from his desk and came towards her as he asked, "What happened?"

"S-some males...they...they took the money before I could even reach the swordsmith. They rip-ripped open the, the-"

"You do not have the scabbard?"

Of course he would not care about what happened to her. He only cared about the sole fact that she 'disobeyed' his rule.

In the blink of an eye, he had her back pressed to the wall as he choked her with his big, disgusting and meaty fingers.

"You fool! I gave you clear orders to follow and what did you do instead? Whore around with some males and let them take MY money."

She could not breathe as her feeble attempts at pushing his hand away resulted in nothing.

She was drowning. She was dying. Her vision was getting blurry.

It is alright, darkness would claim her soon. Darkness would welcome her. She believed in the Mother but darkness was what felt more comfortable for her.

It was time.

When y/n open's her eyes again, she is still in the same position in front of the mirror.

As she looked at her neck, her anger at Lorcan started rising again. But more than that, her own emotions, her pity for her younger self took over.

She hated Lorcan even more for bringing up another buried memory. And this one wasn't even in her dream!

With a sigh, she went into the washroom to wash away not only her sweat from the training, but also the feel of Lorcan's hand and the bad memory. Even if it was just a flashback, she still felt dirty to the core.

After a long and relaxing bath, she picked out a turtleneck white dress that was not too tight but hugged her curves just right. After using some of the beauty products and styling her hair, she decided to go to the gardens to clear her mind.

To say that this garden was big would be an understatement. It was huge. When y/n passed by it in the morning, she did not carefully look at it since she was busy trying to rid herself of her nightmare and the stress. But now, as she stood at it's entrance and took the whole view in, she realized how ethereal it is.

Various forms of flowers, plants and trees were taking up every part of the garden. It was an explosion of colors, life and peace. Peace because this whole place was so comfortingly quiet that it made y/n feel so safe, she never wanted to get out.

As she walked, she came across a small, black gate with intricate designs on it and once she entered it, there was a small fountain in the middle of the clearing, surrounded by more greenery. Y/n's awe was written all over her face as she sat on the small space next to the fountain. The sound of water cascading from the marble openings, birds chirping and the smell of nature made her feel all energetic and content.

"Enjoying the calmness?"

She turned around to see Yrene enter the area. She was wearing an elegant long-sleeved creme colored dress with gold highlights at the bottom. Y/n smiled slightly before raising her head up, closing her eyes and soaking in the sun "It has been quite some time since I last was in a place this serene."

Yrene sat beside her as she said, "You mean, you do not have such places in your world?"

"So you are aware about me."

She smiled "Well, it is hard not to be after Aelin sent like 15 different letters while we were on the way, informing us, although in a coded way so no one else understands, about what you told them."

Y/n sighed as she said, "Great. Well, I know you also do not like me so just ask what you need to."

Yrene looked genuinely confused "I do not hate you. I do not hate on other women or females. I myself grew up surrounded by women and their influence so even if you are a stranger from a different world, I do not see you as a threat. In fact, I would love to hear more about where you come from."

Y/n reigned in her shock and scoffed "The males and men in here would disagree. Especially Fenrys and Lorcan."

Yrene put her hand on y/n's shoulder as she said in a soothing voice, "Men, males who cares? They are all the same."

Y/n smirked slightly while raising an eyebrow "And you say this while having a husband?"

Yrene blushed slightly, "Well, the way we met was...unusual. I despised him at first."

Y/n was shocked as her eyes became twice their normal size "Not a chance! He seems so protective over you, well not to say any husband shouldn't, but I would never guess you two were once enemies."

Yrene smiled as she sighed softly "Yes, well, let that be a story for another day. Besides, it seems like we are going to be here for a while. Aelin said there is another thing apart from you being here that also needs to urgently be addressed."

At that, y/n's mood soured as she remembered the book, "The book! I need to get it."

"Wha-"

"There you two are!" Lysandras voice boomed through the area as she came into view.

"Well hello to you too, Lysandra" Yrene got up as she hugged the brown haired female.

Lysandra turned to look at y/n as her eyes widened "Oh my! Y/n that dress looks absolutely perfect on you! and matched with those jewelries? You do have taste in clothing after all- Sorry that came out rude it is just I only saw you in pants and a shirt soooo...this is new." she finished her sentence with a sheepish smile.

Y/n returned her smile with a small but genuine laugh as she said "No reason to apologise. After all, you look rather ravishing yourself." And she did. Lysandras tight forest green, velvet dress not only flattered all her curves, but also brought out the feautures on her face.

Yrene smirked as she nudged Lysandra by her arm and said, "I bet that Aedion will manage to supress himself for maximum 5 minutes before dragging you somewhere to shag."

Lysandra blushed and smiled as she said, "Well thank you, thank you. We can continue this complement battle at dinner. Shall we?"

"You two go. I need to get the book since we will be discussing it."

Lysandra nodded as she hooked her elbow with Yrene and they left. Y/n, tired of walking, flapped her wings and shot into the air. Oh wow, it has been what? two days? since she last flew.

Today was tiring enough. First, Fenrys did not get any sleep at night because even after he calmed y/n down, he still stayed awake in case she goes back to her unfortunate state. Of course this also caused him to overthink a bunch of things about her. What was she seeing? Does she also have dark secrets? What is her past like? But anyways, moving on, then he again had this small moment with y/n in the training area where his body was about to betray his rational mind due to lust.

Then came Chaol and Yrene. After they got rest for a bit, Chaol joined him, Lorcan and Rowan in Rowan's office where he had to sign letters an do his other princely stuff. Honestly? Fenrys did not know or care because his mind drifted off to when Lorcan followed y/n earlier this afternoon. Of course Fenrys couln't follow them without Lorcan immediately finding out but knowing that he followed her for some reason brought a sour taste to his mouth. What if they are working together? Fenrys would not put it past Lorcan because even now after the war he still sometimes despises him. But then again, he has Elide and two sons now, not to mention how he is blood sworn to Aelin so he can not act out of line.

Then why did he follow her?

This question has been bugging him at the back of his mind for the past 2 hours as Fenrys sat in one of the chairs around a large table in the dining room. His quick visit to the borders in order to check on and give out new orders to to the soldiers and do some other official work left him drained of both energy and magic.

Fenrys looked around the room to distract himself from the sleep his body was begging for. Just like in any other room, the signature Terrasen green was present. The multiple large windows surrounding the room gave a perfect view of sunset while its green and silver gray drapes were gathered by the sides. There were small lounge chairs and one large couch in front of the window. There was no carpet on the floors as the polished wood shined under the light in the room.

"Are you sure she can be trusted?" Chaol's voice brought him back from daydreaming as he assesed his family members places. Chaol was sitting opposite to him with his wife by his side, right next to Chaol sat Lorcan and Elide. Next to Fenrys was Aedion and next to him were Lysandra and Eva.

At the opposite sides end, next to Yrene, sat Rowan while his mate sat at the head of the table. This once again left only one space empty, and would you look at that...it was right next to him. When y/n would come, he would have to endure her here, by his side. Oh Gods-

"Well, me and Yrene do like her now. I don't know about the rest of you." Lysandra said while Aedion kissed her on the cheek "If my wife trusts her, then I trust her."

Eva smiled as she said, "I certainly trust her! She did not look at me like most strangers do."

Rowan raised an eyebrow "And how do they look?"

"Like they pity me or like I am some deranged child just because of these" she points to the scars on her face.

The room erupts at that.

"Who do I have to kill?"

"Names. Give me names. Now."

"Eva, why did you not mention that before?"

"Let me pay a nice little visit to them sweetheart."

But all that chaos quickly died down as y/n entered the room. The second his gaze landed on her, Fenrys thought that Rowan sucked the air out of him because suddenly, he forgot how to breathe.

There was no word in the world that would describe her now. She was wearing a deep purple gown with a turtle neck that hugged her body like second skin and ended below her ankles, showing her shoes just a little. Her hair was styled in a way that highlighted her facial features. Not to mention her small but still eye catching purple and gold earings dangling from her ears.

He suddenly felt like the room was too small. Too tight. He was feeling and imagining things that he definetly should not be about a suspect. But how could he not? She looked absolutely delicious and Fenrys would be willing to cut out his kidneys if he could just touch her once.

She came and sat down next to him, although slightly hesitantly and that was when her addictive scent of jasmine and peaches hit his nose. He barely managed to hold back his groan. He was so turned on it was not a joke anymore. So much so that, just from the smell of her scent, he felt like cu-

Y/n put the book that was in her hands on the table as she said, "I am aware that we were meant to have dinner first, discuss this later, but the sooner the better. Aelin, would you do the honors?"

When y/n had gone upstairs to take the book, she could not stand the itchiness that suddenly overcame her. That was why she took off the dress, cursed on Lorcan for a good 5 minutes when she saw the state her neck was in, and changed into something more fitting for a formal dinner.

This decision may also have been slightly influenced by the fact that Fenrys would be there and he would see her.

When she entered the room, she saw how everyone looked at her. The females with support and respect, the males with suspicious or vary glances. For some reason, Lorcan was not glaring but just...looking. Well, that is an improvement at least.

But even under all those stares, it was only one pair of eyes that made her feel things she should not be feeling. Especially not towards someone like Fenrys.

But how could she not? The way he was staring at her like she was the only female in the world and he was a starved traveler looking for his meal. Not to mention how he himself looked so distracting with his hair let loose, forest green and black clothing that was brought together by his brown, leather belt and his black loose pants. Even all those layers failed to hide his perfect, muscular, broad body. And then when she sat next to him--although hesitantly because even with all the lust coursing through her veins, she knew he was still not someone she could ever trust let alone get close to--his arousal hit her like a large wave of water.

How she managed to stay calm and collected while going crazy inside was an absolute shock to y/n. But she managed and put the book on the table.

Aelin stood and said, "On the contrary, I wanted to share the news before dinner which is why the table is currently empty."

And that was then, that y/n realized the table was indeed empty of any meals.

"Y/n found a book that might have some beneficial information for us. When we looked inside, we found out that the Book of Breathings may be another form of Wyrdkey. But then, we could not read any more because the language changed to one that we do not understand. Lysandra found a small prophecy at the corner of the page which, y/n could you read?"

At that, y/n turned towards the book and read the prophecy. Once she was done, she looked up to see everyone, except Lysandra and Aelin, having different facial expressions.

Chaol cleared his throat and spoke first, "So, now what? How do we understand more if we can not decipher the language?"

By now, everyone was looking at the ancient writings on the book. Yrene, her fingers scamming the page, said with some sort of confidence, "Chaol, this is just like what we discovered about the Valg in Antica. At Hasar's birthday getaway. Look at the drawings. They seem similar no? I think...I think I might have a chance at solving this."

Apparently, everyone was thinking the same thing because Aedion looked at others puzzled faces and asked, "You...how? Do you know this language? I am so confused"

"No, I do not know the language but, my mother was a very smart woman. Not only a healer but also an extraordinary philologist. She had deciphered multiple texts and recipes for healing antidotes from some centuries ago. That was how she even managed to create new medicines and afford us a living."

Y/n's heart fluttered with hope. Finally, a chance, an opening to get home. To understand whatever may be coming for them.

The shock, intrigue and excitement was written over everyone's faces. Even Lorcan, whose eyes just went wide before he put his angry giant act back on.

It was Rowan who closed his slightly open mouth, raised a brow and asked, "So, you have been taught the skill?"

Yrene nodded, "Even though it was long ago, I still think I could atleast give it a try. Besides, 3 years ago when we were in Antica, the way me and Chaol discovered new and ancient information on valgs may have given me a slight reminder. If we are lucky, I will be able to atleast get more information in a couple of days."

Pride was written all over Chaol's face as he kissed his wife's cheek and then hugged her as he said, "I will be by your side, helping you. We did it once, we can do it again."

Everyone was smiling brightly with hope, Aelin and y/n, the brightest of them all "Thank you, Yrene. Whatever you need just tell me I will make sure you have it."

Elide, now also hugging Yrene, detached from her as she said, "We can search more in the meantime. Let us not waste another second."

As y/n nodded her head in agreement, she felt a smaller hand touch her arm. When she turned around, Eva was giving everyone, especially her, the big puppy eyes as she said- no begged, "Can I please please be included this time? I really want to help now. Pleaseeee."

Y/n felt this sudden need to hug the girl, but she said, not caring for whatever Lysandra or Aedion might say, "Of course you can Eva. How can anyone say no to you?"

She turned around to see Lysandra shaking her head but smiling as she said, "Alright."

Eva squealed as she jumped on y/n, squeezing the life out of her.

"What? No! it is dange-" Aedion's denial was cut off when Lysandra put her hand on his chest and said, "Love, she is helping us search for more information, not going into battle. I know how much you love her but please, bring down your protectiveness a notch."

"Bu-"

"Aedion."

He sighed but then hugged Lysandra to his chest and whispered something that made her turn bright red as she slapped his chest playfully.

"We shall start from tomorrow morning then." Aelin said, while ordering a servant to bring in the meals.

4 hours later and y/n was back in her room, getting ready for bed. The day was hot enough for her to opt for a loose silk nightgown that ended slightly above her knees.

Hopefully, Yrene manages to find something more. Tomorrow, she will join Aelin at whatever she is planning to do in order to get more information. She has to quickly find her way home. In all honesty, she could not care less for whatever troubles may be coming their way because this is not her world and Aelin is not her queen. Let them deal with their own problems. All she needs is to get back ho-

Y/n nearly fell down and kissed the floor when she felt something slip beneath her feet. She cursed quietly and looked down to see one of the large square floorboards slightly crooked. When she leaned down to touch it, it moved, sliding away and revealing a set of stone stairs, leadin downwards. She could not see anything beyond the first 4 steps as it was complete and utter darkness.

Should she go down and see what it holds? Does Aelin know that there is something like this in her palace? Are there more of these passages? No. Her curiosity always got her into trouble and now she most definetly did not need to follow it. Whatever is down below, it does not look neither safe nor promising.

No. She most definetly did not want to go down there. Even if her heart was beating furiously and her body and even mind was begging her to go and explore.

Hesitantly, she got up and closed the passageway. She could pretend like this never happened and that she has no idea something like this even exists in the first place.

However, she could not go to sleep now with all this new curiosity and energy thrumming in her veins. Without even thinking, she left the room in just her nightgown and slippers. To go where? she had absolutely no idea. Maybe she could go back and sit in her balcony? She did not get the chance to do so yet and look at the vie-

Her inner monologue shut down the second she opened the door to her room only to see Fenrys just entering his. At the sound, he turned around and looked at her face. Or at what he could see from the darkness. Then his gaze fell upon her exposed shoulders and the upper part of her breasts due to the low cut of the nightgown. His gaze turned even darker as he went even further down and saw her exposed legs. She thanked the darkness of the room, only the moon slightly illuminating her body but hiding her face, scars and most importantly, her neck, that is still as horrible as it was in the morning, from his deadly gaze. Hopefully he was far away enough and the hall was dark enough to not see her scars. She would most definetly make Lorcan pay for this. She would also have to go and ask Isolde for some kind of a healing cream to apply. Discreetly, of course.

His gaze came back to her face, as he closed his eyes, inhaled deeply, clenched and unclenched his fists, exhaled and finally, opened them again as he calmly asked, "Where are you going?"

For some reason, she felt nervous under his gaze and found herself fidling with the edge of her nightgown as she replied surprisingly cooly, "Out. Get some fresh air."

His gaze narrowed "In...that?"

Well, he was right it would be foolish to walk around with this much skin exposed, not to mention the ugly mark on her neck. But, y/n would rather cut out her eye than admit someone like Fenrys is right. So, she looked at him arrogantly "And? I can do whatever I like."

"There are male servants here."

"Well, might as well give them a show."

The second she said that, he was right in front of her in an instant. So close that y/n could feel his chest slightly touching hers, causing goosebumps to arise all over her body. She could only see the outlines of his face and even that was enough to make her feel squirmy. She only hoped he can not see below her head.

"You are not going anywhere in that."

Y/n smirked "Why? Are you jealous?"

He also gave her a cruel smirk as he said, "I would rather get eaten by a Wyvern than ever feel jealous over you. It is simply that your current state is not helping your 'innocent' image. Leaving your room late at night? Hmm I wonder where do you go. Maybe to conspire somethings just like you were sent here to do by your High Lord or whatever?"

At that, all the girlish feelings she felt for him at that moment, melted away, leaving only anger and disgust. This was the Fenrys she should always excpect when it comes to her.

"How can you even entertain such an idiotic thought? Believe me neither my ex High Lord nor I are so bored that we need to cross worlds and start trouble in a foreign place."

"You are right. Because, after all, you do seem like a coward. Or at the very least someone who has no meaning in their life."

"W-what?! Of course...of course I have a purpose! I am a warrior, a respected persona in my world."

"And? those are all titles, images you put on. Even in this world you are a coward."

"What even makes you say that?"

"I saw it from the second I winnowed you here. You put up this brave act that no one scares you but believe me, I know that is all a nice little lie. In fact, you are useless. You are of no help here. You think that just because my family is softening towards you that you are one of us?" He chuckles at that and then continues "You will never fit in. I see you for what you are. An annoying brat who thinks the world revolves around her. So I say this one last time. Find your way out of here and leave as soon as possible. You are an extra headache I can not tolerate." with that, he turned around and went into his room, shutting his door and leaving her shattered in the middle of the dark hall. That bastard! He did not even give her time to respond.

She should not feel this way. She has heard much worse throughout her lifetime. He is just jealous that she is making peace with his family. Besides, who does he think he is? A nobody. His words should not hold any value to her because he is an uncultured caveman- or cavemale who is and will always be below her. She will find a way and go to her world and be happy again and and...and forget him and...all of his cruel words that...felt like 5 different sharp knifes being stabbed into her chest.

What was this pain? She is not a coward. How can he so easily judge her without even knowing her? This pain felt too real. Not even Azriels words hurt this much.

But she did not cry. She stopped crying that the day she killed him in the forest. And so, as she stared at his closed door, she knew what to do.

Y/N ran back to her room, furiously slamming the door shut behind her. She paced for a few moments, trying to calm the storm of emotions raging within her chest. After waiting for what felt like an eternity to ensure no one would disturb her, she moved swiftly near her bed where a loose floorboard awaited her touch. With practiced hands, she pried it open, revealing the passageway.

Before she descended, she retrieved the large sharp needle she had been carrying with herself for the past few days, along with a small lamp that emitted a soft, comforting light. Tucking these essentials securely into the folds of her cloak, Y/N steeled herself for what lay ahead and descended the narrow stairs that led into the depths below.

How many stairs were there? It seemed endless, the damp smell growing stronger with each step she took. The walls around her were slick with moisture, echoing faint drips of water that added to the oppressive atmosphere. Y/N's grip tightened on the needle, her knuckles turning white as she navigated the dimly lit passage. She tucked her wings as close to her as possible.

The air grew colder as she descended further, the silence broken only by the sound of her own footsteps echoing off the stone walls. Shadows flickered ominously, playing tricks on her weary mind. Despite the discomfort and the ominous surroundings, Y/N pressed on, driven by a determination fueled by both fear and necessity.

Finally, after what felt like an eternity of descending into the bowels of the earth, Y/N reached a small landing. In front of her, was some sort of a large circular entryway that was made out of earth and rock.

She slowly got closer to it while also inspecting the area. There was nothing else but this entryway before her. The rest of the space was made out of rock. When she reached it, the touched her hand on to it but...how do you get through this thing?

She knew this was a circular door of some sorts because there were cracks around it. But how does one even move a thing so large and heavy?

As Y/N stood before the large entryway, carved from earth and rock, she couldn't help but marvel at its craftsmanship and wonder about its purpose. The door, if it could be called that, seemed seamlessly integrated into the natural stone surroundings, its surface adorned with intricate runes and symbols that glowed faintly in response to her touch.

She traced her fingers along the cracks that outlined the circular shape, feeling the cool, smooth texture of the ancient stone beneath her fingertips. The door appeared solid and formidable, its size and weight suggesting it would require tremendous force to move.

Taking a step back, Y/N surveyed the area around her. The chamber was quiet, save for the faint echoes of her own breathing. The walls were smooth and unyielding, offering no clues as to how the door might be opened. She glanced down at the large sharp needle she had brought with her, contemplating its use.

With a deep breath, Y/N approached the door once more, this time examining the runes and symbols more closely. They seemed to pulse with a subtle energy, responding to her presence in ways she couldn't quite understand. She recalled stories of ancient magic and hidden passages, wondering if this door held the key to unlocking secrets long forgotten.

As she pondered her next move, a soft rumbling sound echoed through the chamber, causing her to startle. The ground beneath her feet trembled slightly, and she realized with a mix of awe and trepidation that the door was responding to her presence.

A low, melodic hum filled the air as the runes on the door shimmered brighter. Y/N took a cautious step back as the massive stone panels of the door began to shift, grinding against each other with ancient mechanisms coming to life. Slowly, almost imperceptibly at first, the circular entryway began to slide.

Heart racing with anticipation, Y/N watched in awe as the door moved, revealing a narrow opening beyond. The air around her seemed to crackle with magic, a tangible presence that beckoned her forward.

Finally, after what felt like an eternity of waiting, the door came to a stop, revealing another narrow and dark passage. She sighed, but surged forward as she went through the door into the darkness beyond.

After about 10 minutes, she came to a clearing and dear Mother....this place...whatever it was....was gorgeous. It was a huge opening but what made it so breathtaking were the millions of glowing crystals. The ground, the floor and the walls were all covered in luminescent crystals of all colors, and shapes, each it seemed, with a unique magical property. Some crystals glow softly, illuminating the way, while others emit melodies that resonate through the air.

There were little waterfalls that created small, narrow lakes passing through the crystals. There was even a medium sized pond that was glowing, maybe it also had crystals underneath. When she turned around, it looked as if she came out of a mountains cave.

This place was gorgeous! Did anyone else know of it? She did not know but what she did know was that y/n needed to explore further. She stepped on the ground and the crystals did not even hurt her feet.

There were large ones, tall ones, so tall that she could see her whole body on it. The calming sounds coming from them made her feel so relaxed. Did this place offer some kind of healing properties? Because y/n surely forgot all her mixed emotions and pain the second she landed here. The air was also so fresh and clean and yet, it also carried a maicel scent with it.

As she walked, she came across another small passage but this one was illuminated by thousands of tiny glowing, white crystals. She followed the light to see what this road held.

As she walked through the illuminated passage of glowing crystals, Y/n's curiosity mingled with a growing sense of unease. The ethereal light seemed to lead her forward, drawing her deeper into the unknown. Each step echoed softly against the crystal-lined walls, creating an eerie yet mesmerizing atmosphere.

Finally, the passage opened into a small clearing bathed in a gentle, radiant glow. Y/n blinked, trying to make sense of what lay before her. There, amidst the soft luminescence, stood a mirror unlike any she had ever seen.

Wait. Was this thing like the Ouroboros? The Mirror of Beginnings and Endings? Does this also show you your true self or something like that? What if it shows you your future?

Well it must do something special since it is hidden here.

However, she was not expecting what happened after she came closer to the mirror.

Y/n fell to her knees in shock.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Taglist: @ladespedidas @mis-lil-red @going-through-shit @kaitttttttt @blackgirlmagicforever

@acotar-writing @paleidiot @snoopyspace @stained-glass-eyes0708 @saltedcoffeescotch

@wallacewillow0773638 @cleverzonkwombatsludge @crazylokonugget @bunnyredgirl

@fullmoon-94 @thecraziestcrayon

[journen]

do you have a list of good CoD fanfics, or favorite writers in general?? <3

Presented in no particular order, here are some of my personal faves / fics I really enjoyed, and my own summaries for them. Hopefully you enjoy, thanks for the ask, anon!!!

I didn't tag all the authors because I'm not sure if they all have tumblrs, but also I'm shy tagging people ahjdfhkaheje. If any authors here are mentioned tho and you have a tumblr, feel free to lmk and I can update this post to include your tag!!:)

Anything rated mature I colour coded the name in red, and anything explicit green. Not all the mature fics feature smut, but yeah! I didn't want to link anything tooooo explicit here, but if anyone wants any, I can definitely rb this post to add a few more 😅

Also, just beware the tags on any of these fics because some feature kind of heavy subject matter. 👍

COF FIC REC LIST:

A Very MacTavish Christmas - @m3rrywe4ther

Prob my fav fic in the fandom lololol. HUGE RECCOMMEND. It's about Johnny who gets roped into spending the holiday Christmas season with his , for the most part, very not so nice family, and Simon accompanies him. So much stuff happens in this fic and it's such a great character exploration of Simon and Johnny independently, but also as a couple, and just so much stuff happens in it lol again, HUGE RECOMMEND!!!

We'll make Death Proud to Take us - Literal_Satan

Fic where, it starts off really sweet where Simon goes to Scotland with Johnny to spend Christmas with him and his family, but things take a drastic turn when Soap's brother, a police officer/detective, gets a little too curious about mysterious Simon, and the story spirals from there. All the guys end up on this crazy goose chase tracking down some of the people who were involved in Roba's brainwashing operations. The fic gets v dark at times and deals with some very heavy trauma so beware, but it's SO. GOOD.

Dream a Little Dream - Angelicasdean

Again, one of my total fav fics in the fandom!! AU where Simon leaves the army to raise his nephew Joseph, who's the sole survivor of the Riley family massacre, and Johnny is one of the daycare teachers at the daycare where Simon takes Jo 🥺🥺👍👍

Pretend to love me like I do - FetteEule

Really cute fic of Simon who accompanied Johnny to Scotland for his sister's wedding, under the ruse they are dating. They are v much pining but not there yet. Features lots of really cute domestic moments and Simon being really sweet to Johnny's kid nephew 😭🧡

Something important - Anonymous

One of the fics that has me totally brainrotted rn. It's about Simon's who's been de-aged to 6 years old, and Price, Gaz and Soap all taking care of him and trying to figure out how he got turned, and how to turn him back! They all get tested on their abilities to care for a child, and unwillingly learn a lot of details about Simon's childhood they never knew. This summary doesn't do it justice tho, so I'd just recommend checking it out! Beware tho again, there is some dark childhood trauma stuff but there are warnings at the start of each chapter that contains references to it.

Seasons - StinglessWasp

In this fic every chapter is set during a different season and tells a unique sort of story/mission/interaction Soap and Ghost have. Definitely some v good angst&hurt/comfort stuffs too. Starts off pre-relationship, and explores their characters a lot! It's just really good HUGE reccommend lol.

What the Eyes Don't see - WhiplashRogue

One of my FAVESSSS! So the premise is like, Soap can actually see ghosts ever since he was a child (which most other people can't see and also don't believe in), and Ghost has 2 spirits attached to him that follow him around(Joseph, and Roach). The fic starts off pre relationship, and it mostly about Soap trying to learn more about these two spirits and discovering more about Ghost's past.

All that's said in the Low Light - Headlocket

Probably one of the most emotional I've ever read LMFAO. It's about Johnny, who receives a back & knee injury bad enough he gets discharged from the army, and is back in Scotland living with his parents as he recovers. He and Ghost lost contact a bit since the accident, and it's sort of a story of them reconnecting. This description doesn't do it justice, just read it, but it will emotionally destroy you lol

Time Loops Suck (series) - Enter_fand0m_reference00

The first installment of the fic takes the idea that Soap is stuck in a time loop during the alone mission! And all the optional dialogues and interactions in thE alone mission are separate attempts of his trying to survive the loops and rendez vous with Ghost. It's just sooo good!! And then there's a follow up fic where it deals with the mental aftermath of the loops and Ghost comforting soap through it, then there's 2 other installments of Simon who instead goes through a time loop! They are such great character explorations in how both Soap and Ghost experience the loops, and I whooleee heartedly reccommend.

Yellow Card - SkerryB

Soccer au fic!! It's so good! Simon is the captain of a soccer team Soap is drafted to as their new goalie. Simon has had a history with Soap before though, that he was the only goalie Simon could never score on! So that's how it starts, and it's just so good from there!! Simon's family are also alive in the fic and his nephew is adorable.

You swept me off my feet - @ghoulishhone

Ghost is down bad for strong Soap, the fic xD This was a fic Ghoulishone and I were paired together to work on for the Ghostsoap server reverse bang! They wrote the fic and I made some accompanying art. Just a cute fic of Soap having to pick up Ghost after he gets injured and some other shenanigans that ensues:)

Dear Mr Ghost - @shortcuts-make-long-delays

SUCH A CUTE FIC!! The majority of the fic is these letter/pen pal exchanges between Ghost, and Soap's young niece Chloe...it's just. So. Good. And was written by a friend of mine too! BIG RECCOMMEND.

Give me Hope and Let me Down - MechanicalBones

Some of the best Ghost whump I read lolll. Ghost is captured by some people with ties to Roba and tortured. Meanwhile Soap is on his way to rescue him, and eventually he does, and there's a lot of hurt and comfort. It's also a getting together fic. 🥺

Unspoken Love - Hammy101

( Super amazing oneshot. I feel I can't do this fic justice with any summary. Just read it. 🥺 It has decent Ghost whump AND domestic off duty cute ghost soap angsty stuff it's just one of my faves ever!!!!)

Except You, You can Stay - Iravaid

Really realistic, believable portrayal and expansion upon a lot of the key events that happen in the Ghost comics. From his childhood, to the mental aftermath of Roba, his family dying...it's heavy but really really good. And has a happier hopeful ending that's Ghost/Soap 🥺

Hat Trick of the Heart and the sequel Family, Gotta Love em - Librarian_FanFicFan

Absolutely am obsessed with these fics!!! It's an AU about Ghost who is recently discharged from the military due to injury, and on a flight back to London where he is seated next to Soap, a famous footballer/soccer player. Ghost doesn't know who he is tho, but they hit it off and exchange numbers. The second installment features Simon's family!!! And Tommy being dramatic and shocked over the fact his brother got the number of this famous sports player... SUPER CUTE IF YOU LIKE RILEY FAMILY STUFF.

As for my fav CoD authors I wholeheartedly recommend anything by:

RedClegane, m3rrywe4ther, Hammy101, TheEdwardianOne, Iravaid, and so many authors but I can't list them all ahaha...but hopefully this is a good start!

Hopefully this helps anon! Sorry it took me a while.

[absolutebl]

This Week in BL - THERE IS SO MUCH ON RIGHT NOW, it's crazy-making!

Organized, in each category, with ones I'm enjoying most at the top.

July 2024 Week 1

Ongoing Series - Thai

Wandee Goodday (Sat YT) ep 10 of 12 - I am with Dee, noodles do solve everything. The brothers were SO GOOD together. I’m getting to really love a back drop in BL, it’s like the mic drop of gay boys smooching. This is such a good show. I had a big grin on my face while also crying a bit. Everything I want from a BL is happening right here, in front of my eyes.

Did they gloss over the trauma a bit? Yes. Do I care? No. I don't like dwelling in trauma in general, mine, friends, online, or in my BL.

The Rebound (Weds Gaga) ep 2 of 12 - All Thai mafia is gay… again. Yes, it’s still great. No, I have no idea why they’re dropping so many eps at once. That’s not normal for a Thai drama. But I’m not gonna complain except there’s a lot on right now. I like the side couple too. I also like Frank’s poor little rich kid side dish action. I mean, Meen is an ult for me, but Frank is giving excellent second lead syndrome. Suspiciously aggressive and a touch stalker, but I don’t mind a boy that sus if he that cute. And of course, with the mafia involved there is kidnapping.

Look, is this the best show currently airing? No. Which is why it slid a little in the standings. But that's only because Wandee hit it out of the park this week. Frankly, this may not be the best BL airing right now, but it’s the best BL for me.

Sunset X Vibes (Sat iQIYI) ep 4 of 12 - That oppa bit was fucking genius. (You get it right? If you don't, I can explain.) And I immediately adore the secretary character as a result (I typed that as "reslut" and that works too.) Pleased to have such a "rich man and his spoiled boy" dynamic it going already. A dynamic I am personally IRL familiar with from the 90s. Also, kiddies stop filming adults at play! Sheesh.

I pretty much love all the couples in this show. It’s lots of fun. SamYo’s cat and mouse thing is delightful. Meanwhile, the mains are so sweetly hesitant about kisses and everything (hilarious coming from this pair). I love them and their awkward first time, or whatever is going on.

Do you know what? After that "oppa" comment this lead pair makes me feel a little bit like I’m watching a gay K-drama, similar style of personalities and everything, even the random martial arts ability. And the outing. I'm getting Business Proposal vibes. Nothing wrong with that, I was weaned on K-dramas.

All in all, great episode.

My Stand-In (Fri iQIYI) ep 11 of 12 - Yet again I spent the entire episode saying "poor Joe" over and over again. This time I didn’t cry though.

The pat way to end this is to have Joe walk through that door and then wake up back when he was about to get into the motorcycle accident. So that none of it ever happened. I suppose we’ll see what they do next week but I hope it isn’t that.

We Are Cute (Weds iQIYI) ep 14 of 16 - Do you know what this friendship group reminds me of the most? The old Love Sick music club boys. This is just the college version... 10 years later. (Love Sick was one of the few shows where I mostly didn’t yell “no singing” at the screen (also Ingredients). In my defense, I didn’t know any better back then.)

As boyfriends, PhumPeem are even more puppy/cat paring. And I am even more delighted by it. And them. In fact, this show is ALL puppy/cat pairings. I’m not mad about it.

"I’m hugging you so you won’t feel hungry" is the weirdest pick up ever. But Phum is weird. 

This Love Doesn't Have Long Beans (Fri iQIYI) ep 1 of 8 - The PittBabe team behind a new restaurant set BL full of hidden agendas and starring my new favorites SailubPon. I’m reminded so much right off the bat of PokeTongue’s side dish couple in What’s Zabb Man. Interesting, considering that came from Pon’s former studio. Love the call out of obnoxious content creators (not to mention corporate property developers). I like the chef character, he’s nicely complex. In fact, so far I like most of the characters, it’s a good range of different personality types. The plot is a little contrived and complicated but I don’t mind because the characters are such fun.

The Trainee (Sun YouTube) ep 1 of 12 - Reported on this last week already but here's what I said:

Gun still looks like he’s just out of high school. Madness.

The set for the print shop reminds me of Mork’s dad’s place in ‘Cause He’s My Boy? I swear GMMTV has only 3 sets.

I wasn't looking forward to this show at all. Maybe I just needed more of a break from OffGun? Cooking Crush happened yesterday.

Whatever, because I was absolutely riveted by this first episode.

I’m enjoying The Trainee a lot. Like, a lot a lot. It's not higher up just because there is so much good content from Thailand airing right now.

My Love Mix-Up Th (Fri YT) ep 5 of 12 - Still a chaos muffin no matter which country. So earnest. So cute. Talking stage commence!!!

Love Sea (Sun iQIYI) ep 4 of 10 - I got so bored I started looking up ways to organize my sunglasses. Trash watch here.

Knock Knock Boys (Thurs Gaga) ep 6-7 of 12 - The exes are odd. I like that Latte finally got some backstory.

Ongoing Series - Not Thai

I Hear the Sunspot AKA Hidamari ga Kikoeru (Japan Weds Gaga) Ep 2 of 10 - I’m still enjoying this quite a bit. It’s paralleling the manga quite closely, which is nice. But it’s not gonna be a particularly exciting drama if this continues. The manga is rather quiet (pun intended to amuse not insult).

Takara's Treasure AKA Takara No Vidro (Japan Mon Gaga) ep 1 of 10 - Look, if some kid followed me to college and changed the whole course of his life because I was nice about his dead bird? I'd be skeeved as fuck too. It's odd and uncomfortable, in that way Japan loves. Visuals are on point but can't say I'm enjoying it as yet. Still, it is JBL, and so I am intrigued and open to all possibilities.

It's airing but...

The Last Time (Thai Fri YT?) - Convoluted story of loss and possible reincarnation or something. Can't find it.

OMG Vampire (Thai Sun ???) 10 eps - I've put the search on hold for and y'all can let me know if it's worth tracking down once it ends?

In case you missed it

Blue Boys finished it run. I like it quite a bit. This felt a lot like a Strongberry short series. It’s very curtailed and could’ve used some legs but I've been trained into ignoring that for Korean BL. Short has always been their thing. Essentially, two boys who were acquaintances in high school are reunited and it turns out always had crushes on each other. It’s definitely an extrovert meets introvert scenario, and this being Korea, they can’t resist a tiny love triangle in the eleventh hour. But it all came out fine in the end. It has great kisses and higher heat than is normal from Korea. All in all, a surprisingly charming offering. Recommended with some reservations around the brevity of plot and character development. 8/10 

The Time of Fever AKA Unintentional Love Story 2 (Korea movie) trailer released to Korean theaters 5/25. HoTae & DongHee, side couple from Unintentional Love Story are back! Same actors, same character names. I love them. Devastated this hasn't had international distribution. I demand you tell me the moment you find it!

Next Week Looks Like This:

Upcoming BLs for 2024 are listed here. This list is not kept updated, so please leave a comment if you know something new or RP with additions.

July Releases to Come

7/10 Century of Love (Thai Gaga) 10 eps - trailer here, DaouOffroad are back, this time as fated mates in a quasi historical paranormal moment. San has spent many lifetimes waiting for his lost beloved, to reincarnate from her death a century ago. But if he fails to find her within this century's time window, he will succumb to a tragic death. And this time she's a boy. Very much Director Who Buys Me Dinner meets First Love Again, hopefully better than both. I love this pair and think they can handle the premise, it's whether the storytelling is up to the challenge. I'm curious to see but I have reservations.

7/24 I Saw You in My Dream (Thai Weds WeTV) - Dee Hup is behind this one so I have high hopes. Younger boy chronically teased his whole life by the older boy next door suddenly starts having horrific prophetic dreams about his bully and must save hime.

7/26 4 Minutes (Thai Netflix or iQIYI?) - Great is a university student from Faculty of Business and the son of a wealthy business owner. Out of the blue, he gains the supernatural power to see four minutes into the future.

7/29 Battle of the Writers (Thai ????) - trailer here, TutorYim return and while I adore them, I really hope this is better than Middleman's Love. Won't be hard. However: that premise! Ugh. Something something authors fighting - save me. Why don't writers understand that nothing is more boring than writers?

THIS WEEK’S BEST MOMENTS

Product placement du jour! Also the only product placed in a BL that I regularly enjoy myself.

Yes I cried. I'm a sap.

The faens in the wive's positions! So cute.

All Wandee

(Last week)

Streaming services are listed by how I (usually) watch, which is with a USA based IP, and often offset by a day because time zones are a pain.

The tag BLigade: @doorajar @solitaryandwandering @my-rose-tinted-glasses @babymbbatinygirl @babymbbatinygirl @isisanna-blog @mmastertheone @pickletrip @aliceisathome @urikawa-miyuki @tokillamonger @sunflower-positiiivity @rocketturtle4 @blglplus @anythinggoesintheshire @everlightly @renafire @mestizashinrin @bl-bam-beyond @small-dark-and-delicious @saezurumurmurs

Sigh, Tumblr in it's infinite wisdom doesn't like too many tags.

There's these tricks, remember.

[bloominglegumes]

judging earthspark s3

contains spoilers!!!

(my own opinion + not that serious :))

not in order bc i sketch-wrote these down while watching first but guys im so im so .head in hands

-15 pts for the character development, relationships, ideas, etc set up in s1 that were thrown out in s2 and s3. war trauma, immigrant experience, ghost aftermath, individuality, healing process, autobot guilt, byebye. so much character assassination still happening

+1 for following through i guess

+1 shockwave 'all are dead' comic cover reference and having him react to it

+5 every appearance of frenzy and laserbeak. theyre professional hecklers i love them

-1 bc of how the art direction was already established having 2d handdrawn effects but obv their animation has been toned down, there are quite a few instances of 3d smoke made to look like 2d shading which is not necessarily bad on its own but doesnt feel like it fits here

+1 rage virus had nice potential for bringing simmering resentments to surface,, wish the show delved deeper into the characters thoughts + fallout

-1 megatron's va sounds like he was given direction to hold back somehow on his delivery ?? idk it just feels like forced gentleness compared to earlier performance like his lines don't fit him

-2 animation lacking feeling of weight, movements are stiff, unnatural esp for huge guys made of metal. how in the world did twitch push megatron over

-2 fight choreo is more generic and plain,, characters tend to fight in similar ways when they wouldnt, considering different sizes, abilities, personalities etc,, everyone is just tossing each other around

-2 teasing us with breakbee and then actually setting it on fire and then killing bumblebee's personality too and while we're here thrash and mo as well

+1 escape room ep overall was kinda fun. i like the idea of leaning into twitchs big sister role but like u dont have to water down the others when highlighting one character?? the maltos are kids, but theyre not like.stupid

+1 optimus pushing megatron down to protect him and megs glancing down where optimus' hand is on him. someone in story room is pushing megop

+1 prowl being a skilled Hater on entrance

+1 "organics" (derogatory)

-1 optimus tells prowl that the war is over in defence of megatron but literally theyre fighting decepticons again two seconds later so make up your mind earthspark

-5 what are the autobots and decepticons even fighting for at this point? let's shoot them into space so we don't have to worry about that conflict anymore except megatron but he's our friend so don't think about that trust us this is earthspark our show was formed on the basis of being the aftermath of the war hasbro im going to kill you

+1 constructicon mention

+3 prowl being huggable and pickuppable (+1 optimus, +1 elita, +1 arcee)

+1 "terran thrash" "terran nightshade" "stygi-terran" "clan malto" can't tell me thats not objectively cute

+5 blaster feature

+2 megop being deeply embarrassing about robby's weird girlfriend

+5 dramatic megop fight. intense music, personal arguments, falling through the ice sinking to the bottom of the lake together, if i'm going down you're coming with me etc i love it

-1 grimmy not having a single speaking line?? am i tripping

+1 thrash throwing the hat perfectly onto prowls antler tip

-2 duller lighting and colours overall </3 my guy was seriously looking grey in ep 6..,.

+1 "romantic entanglements have hobbled many a soldier. ask optimus." thank u es writers

+1 "there are no implications. there are only facts." banger

+1 multiple pronouns used for the shapeshifting quintesson i just thought it was fun

-1 thrash's character being largely reduced to That One Kid

-1 might just be me but the whole plot with the fake girlfriend was just weird as hell ?? what purpose does it have in robby's character development,,,

-1 dot and alex being less compelling as caring responsible parents. like they're still nice,, but the way they've been written just feels less careful

-1 that movie and confession scene sorry i know it was on purpose but i could not handle the secondhand embarrassment

+1 mole-bots tbh i thought they were going to pull scraplets but they were fun

-4 starscream neglect. where is the justice. nothing but a silhouette all season and then finally all he does is go crazy and get pulled back to jail??wtf

+1 quintesson ship entrance

-1 generic character body language/performance

+1 weird al yankovic going so hard

+1 saving civilians

-2 quintus powers being suddenly able to save the day when they need it because plot

-2 how the chaos terrans are not written

-1 environments are sometimes not that fitting for the action taking place there?? like for the final fight i know theyd need a lot of space for the titan but seriously just a green grassy field and blue sky come on?? give us some artistry,..,.

-1 slightly weird voice effects for quintesson characters but that might just be me

+1 sharkticon pit plucked right out of g1 movie i love it

+1 mo being so polite "mr optimus" "ms elita" "mr prowl sir" sweetheart

+5 what the fuck do you mean "i appreciate you, megatron"

+1 hard confirmation prowl is a hugger

+1 epic titan fusion

+1 prowl being nice. dialogue with bee in that scene felt kind of in your face but it was cute

-1 arresting starscream. girlie was probably starving in there

+1 "little bird"

+1 i'm just happy to have an animated prowl having so much relevance to the main story again.tfa prowl i miss u every day

-2 tarantulas never being seen nor heard from ever again. he had an awesome design, fantastic voice acting, super well written just for hasbro to be cowards

-1 again for just dropping pretty big story points from season 1 for unclear reasons. like i said,, current state of earthspark works fine as a kid's show alone but after how mature and well-handled season 1 was it feels like watching the tv spinoff series to the actual thing. sorry but like zero integrity to the shows basis and values and what the original writing had set up for the world and the characters

[misasimagines]

daisy crown / reader x Jiro (Tokyo Debunker)

included characters: Jiro!

rating: SFW

warnings: um there's a bee visitor, but not described in detail. mostly this is just wholesome.

Quite a short fic!

You weren't in the habit of thanking Yuri for things, selfish and self aggrandizing as he was, but right now, you were thanking him. Even if he couldn't hear it.

He had kicked Jiro out of the lab, annoyed by his constant clarifications and suggestions on how to better perform an experiment. You were kicked out as well, not for your own suggestions but because you had no reason to be there to start with, sitting on an autopsy table and loudly sucking down a melting smoothie the entire time. Being a nuisance to the Mortkranken ghouls was in your job description so long as no one asked for proof.

Besides, Jiro didn't think you were a nuisance. He took regular breaks to talk to you and give you kisses and random tasks you were capable of completing mostly without risk or injury. You were like his unofficial union rep, if union reps got paid in kisses and teasing whenever they dragged a mangled corpse in and you jumped at the sight. It was fine by you, the kisses more than made up for the trauma.

Even so, you thanked Yuri because the sight in front of you was the cutest thing you'd probably ever seen in your life: Jiro, crouched down, picking flowers. The sun cast a little halo around his head and reflected in the lightest parts of his eyes. He had a basket where he was collecting them, flowers of all shapes and colors and sizes laid in an array next to each other. He was careful as he went, not picking anything that hadn't yet bloomed and not picking anything that was completely withered. A little bee flew around his head and inspected his flowers. 

Jiro inspected it back, granting it a few seconds of his gaze as it buzzed around him. He let it be (ha) and returned to his flower picking. It seemed interested in his actions, and kept flying around in his general vicinity, sometimes landing on the very flower he was reaching for. You couldn't help but smile when he gave up on a flower that the bee was bumping into. 

You kept yourself busy fawning over him and following a guide on your phone to make flower crowns. You wove the long stems of your daisies together, holding it above your head often to check for basic sizing. It was no neat thing you were crafting, but it held together remarkably well.

You focused on your craft until Jiro made his way to the bench you were sitting on and joined you. You smiled up at him as he sat down. “Did you get everything you needed?” You asked him.

He set the basket in his lap and responded, “Mostly. Some were out of season.” 

You frowned consolingly. “Maybe we can check Rui's garden?”

Jiro looked at the flower crown in your hands, “We can.”

You held the crown up triumphantly. A few petals fell off onto your lap. “It's finished.”

“People have used daisies in medicine for their anti-inflammatory properties,” he told you, picking up a petal from your lap and rubbing it lightly between his fingers. He dropped it on the ground and it fluttered as it fell. 

“Are they very effective?” You asked, leaning over him and putting the crown on his head. You repositioned it carefully until it sat balanced and even on his head. The white petals and green stems contrasted his dark hair nicely.

He watched you do it and made no effort to stop you, “No, drugs like ibuprofen are much more effective and accessible.” 

You sat back and admired your work. Jiro had a daisy crown sitting on the top of his head and a basket of flowers on his lap. It was such a different view of him than you were used to. He spent so much time in a fluorescent lit lab where everything was tinged with a slight green-blue hue. It made him look perpetually haggard, which you supposed wasn't inaccurate, sleep deprived as he was. It was nice to see him out of that dreariness and instead with the sun warming his cheeks. It took everything in you not to jump onto his lap, knock his carefully collected flowers to the ground, and cover those cheeks in kisses. That kind of behavior would have to wait until you were in private, especially because it would lead to planting kisses elsewhere on him and you didn't want to share that sight with any random person who might walk by.

He stared at you, expression the same as it always was, and you stared back, hardly capable of biting back your self satisfied smile. “Did you make it for me?” He finally asked.

“Mhm,” you admit. “And I did a pretty good job, I think.” 

He stared at you a second longer before looking at his basket and pulling out a specific flower. He turned to face you, his knees bumping yours, and you tilted your head in question. He reached towards you and delicately placed the flower behind your ear. His other hand held your cheek while he situated it and you felt a distinct comfort from his touch. Cheesy as it was, it warmed your heart.

“What is it?” You asked, now unable to see it clearly no matter how much you tried to activate your peripheral vision.

“A lily,” he kept gazing at you.

“What's it good for?” You asked, expecting some detailed but simplified explanation about how it prevented plague or something.

“Nothing significant. It's mostly just pretty.” 

Your cheeks flushed; You didn't miss the implication.

“Hm, it's also poisonous to cats,” he added, as casual as ever.

This made you laugh, the kind that caught you off guard and kept going when you looked at how expressionless he managed to stay while you erupted into giggles. It wasn't even particularly funny, it was just Jiro. “Thanks for the cat poison,” you managed to get out.

He put a hand under your chin, his thumb on your cheek, “You’re welcome.” He leaned forward and kissed you.

Eyes closed, the sun on your face, Jiro's lips against yours, you might have confused the botanical gardens of Darkwick for heaven. You kissed him back and kept your eyes shut a second more when he pulled away, just letting yourself exist in that peace for as long as possible. 

When you opened them, he looked away and down at his basket. The flower crown on his head was crooked. “I need to get these back to the lab,”

You nodded.

“You'll come with me?” He asked, standing up and offering you his hand.

You took it and got up to your feet, “I’d follow you pretty much anywhere,” you promised and readjusted your flower carefully. Didn't want that falling on the way. 

He didn't let go of your hand as you both started making your way back to Mortkranken, “Good,” he squeezed your hand lightly, “I'll take you pretty much anywhere,” he repeated.

[lialacleaf]

A Touch Too Personal

Chapter 2

Summary: You had a crush on Ghost since you started working for Price in communications, but the gruff, reserved Lieutenant only acknowledged your existence on the job. That starts to change with a simple, thoughtful gift. Warnings: Fluff, Simon is bad at processing emotions, past trauma

Imposter Syndrome is often described as feeling unworthy of good things. There’s no basis for this feeling, it’s simply a learned reaction.

It’s exactly how Simon felt after you’d given him that blanket.

He’d never gone out of his way to do anything nice for you. Hell, he barely regarded you when he dropped off his mission reports, which he now felt badly about. Being in that stuffy little office was probably bad enough, but being disregarded entirely by the people who counted on you was probably even worse.

After his most recent mission, he’d actually been too nervous to see you, and sent them in with Gaz. He’d fully intended to deliver them himself, and profusely thank you for the gift, but he had gotten stuck a few steps from your door, and aborted the mission entirely.

He felt like such a screw up, which lead him to his current predicament.

“You wanna do what now?” Soap asked as he sipped his morning coffee in the break room.

“I wanna get her a gift.” Ghost said, crossing his arms over his chest.

“Why?”

Ghost was silent for a moment, starring Soap down with his piercing gaze. “Just ‘cause,” he said stiffly.

“You mean ‘cause of your blankie?” Soap teased and Ghost’s eyes widened. “Ah man she was so proud of that thing, couldn’t wait to give it to you.”

Ghost felt his face grow warm beneath his mask. “Alright, yes. She got me a gift, it’s only proper I do the same,” he said stiffly. “What do you usually get her?”

Soap took a long sip of his coffee. “Nothin’ at all.”

Ghost glared at him. “What?”

“You heard me. She doesn’t do it for something in return. She does it for the smile, the hug, and the thank you.” Ghost felt his blood go cold. “You gave her a hug, right L.T.?” Soap asked.

Ghost stared at him for a second or two, before turning on his heel and rushing out of the break room. Soap simply sighed and shook his head.

He was awful. An Awful, stupid, heartless creature. He needed to fix this, and fast, otherwise you might never regard him fondly ever again, and such an idea was suddenly very alarming despite his general disinterest in you as of a few days ago.

You’d done something so sweet for him, and he’d responded callously. He didn’t deserve the gift you’d given him.

Now he was faced with the challenge of making things right, but he didn’t know anything about you. What was he supposed to do that would redeem him in your eyes?

Soap said you liked actions more than receiving things in return. He could work with that.

~

Your fingers clacked away at your keyboard as the sun began to set, casting an orange glow through your open office window. You were sulking, hiding in your office so you didn’t risk running into him at the mess hall for dinner.

You’d finished your work an hour ago, but you were hoping if you waited until the tail end of the meal he’d be gone.

You felt so stupid, like you may as well have painted a clown face on and paraded around base telling everyone that you were a joke.

It could have been worse, you tried to reason. He could have simply not accepted it. It would have broke your heart if that had been his reaction.

With a sigh, you closed your laptop and pushed it into your bag. You could sulk more comfortably in your bunk. There was no reason to prolong your suffering in your hard-backed office chair.

Your tired feet carried you back to your room as your mind wandered. Did you really think that the Lieutenant Ghost would take an interest in someone like you? You weren’t anything special. Not like him and the rest of 141. You'd been so mystified by him that your brain had completely thrown logic out the window.

When you finally arrived at your room, there was a small, tan sticky note stuck to your door, and your brow furrowed.

My room, 20:00 -Ghost.

You felt your stomach drop. Was he mad at you? Was he going to tell you off for inappropriately giving him a gift?

You let out a sigh, shaking your head as you opened your door. You were too tired to think too long on it and instead focused on stripping your work clothes off in exchange for a comfy pair of sweatpants and a sweatshirt.

You didn’t feel like going to the mess, even though you were starving, so you threw a package of noodles into your hot-pot and called it a day.

You didn’t bother putting on your work shoes when you slipped out to meet your Lieutenant, and slid on a pair of comfy slippers.

You knocked softly at his door, feeling awkward as a group of soldiers passed you in the hallway. You couldn't help but feel as if their whispers were somehow about you as if you were now the butt of a joke.

You hated feeling so anxious, so out of place. It was as if the rest of the world was laughing at you while you, emotionally speaking, tripped over your own feet.

His door opened with a creak, and your eyes flicked up from your feet to stare at the balaclava covering his face, not quite meeting his gaze.

You both stood quietly as you assessed each other, until he moved from the doorway and gestured for you to enter.

“Rough day?” He asked, taking in your disheveled state. His eyes seemed to linger on your slouched shoulders.

“Just long,” you stated, glancing around the room. You paused however when your gaze landed on his bed.

His blanket lay neatly folded at the foot of it, and you felt your heart jump to your throat. It was clear that he had been using it.

“Price said you’ve been working overtime.”

You jumped at the sound of his voice, and the feeling of his hand on your shoulders and he pushed you to sit on his bed.

“There’s been a lot to do,” you said, situating yourself comfortably. A lie, but you doubted he cared about what you did anyway. Your work probably didn't seem very important to him.

He hummed in response, cupping your cheeks as he gazed down at you. You felt your heart stutter as his thumbs gently dug behind your ear, rubbing soothing circles all the way to your collarbones.

“Lieutenant?” You asked in confusion.

“Hmm?” He hummed, massaging your biceps with his large, calloused hands.

You couldn’t help but let your eyes slide closed. “What…what are you doing?”

“Making sure you feel appreciated.”

You felt your face heat up at his words as he pushed you to lay on your back, massaging your calf muscles, before moving to your ankles and feet.

Appreciated didn't even begin to describe what you felt.

"You do an awful lot for us. Wanted to make sure you knew we see it."

You felt floaty, a soft feeling blanketing your mind as the day’s stress melted away. You tried to stay awake, but your body felt heavy, the intoxicating smell of Ghost lingering in your nose as a result of being in his space, and before you knew it you were softly snoring.

Ghost watched you carefully, pushing a stray hair out of your face and running his gloved thumb across your cheek.

You’d looked exhausted when you’d arrived, and he was glad to see you resting, even if it was in his bed. He couldn’t help but chuckle as he scooted in beside you. The blanket was big enough for the both of you after all. You'd made sure of that.

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[dailydamnation]

Well, I said that if they kept giving X-ladies solo books, that have to get around to Illyana eventually, but I didn't dare believe in it.

A solo ongoing for our girl. This is a good day.

Generally, I'm not big on solo X-titles, teams just work best. I've always thought Illyana is one of the characters who it would work with, though. Part of that is bias, obviously, but I think that to justify a solo, you need a character with personal stories that are distinctly different from core X-Men/mutant stories. They surprised me by finding a solid take for Jean in making her go cosmic.

Illyana's magic and demons really set her up for a unique run, and it looks like we might be getting it:

The mystic mutant goes demon hunting in her own series! The X-Man Illyana Rasputina strikes out on her own with new allies and dark powers arrayed against her.

New allies? Leah Helranger when?

Having Ashley Allen return after her Blood Hunt oneshot is a big win. Illyana really felt like Illyana in that story, and played to her strengths.

Germán Peralta I've always liked, and I think his style could be a great fit for stories like these, too:

Throughout the series, Magik will also be forced to come to terms with her tragic history and learn to control her demonic Darkchylde persona. After years of suppression, Illyana’s Darkchylde form returns from the depths of her tormented soul to offer her more strength and power, but at what cost?

This is perfection--the struggle with her dark side that is fed by her trauma, while in the same breath Allen describes her as a character with a heart of gold... Trying to be good while fearing that she's bad is core Illyana.

Literally the only quibble I have with this announcement is Peralta saying he especially loves the Bachalo design, and that costume is my personal pet peeve and won't keep me from loving this book. (Is it wrong that I love it already? It's nice to have faith.)

I love the idea of the Darkchylde having stages, growing more monstrous as Illyana gets taken over by dark impulses. And those wings? Fire addition to the design.

As a bonus, here is Germán Peralta drawing Illyana years ago in Age of X-Man: Prisoner of X #2:

Now just to decide how I'm going to get this, since I don't have a pull list at my local comic shop anymore. Marvel Unlimited still runs months behind on physical releases, which is okay for most things, but...

[scoonsalicious]

Unwanted: Chapter 4, Unwelcome - Pt. 2

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Avenger!Fem!Reader

Summary: When your FWB relationship with your best friend Bucky Barnes turns into something more, you couldn’t be happier. That is, however, until a new Avenger sets her sights on your super soldier and he inadvertently breaks your heart. You take on a mission you might not be prepared for to put some distance between the two of you and open yourself up to past traumas. Too bad the only one who can help you heal is the one person you can no longer trust.

Warnings: (For this part only; see Story Masterlist for general Warnings) Language, mentions of sex, hints of jealousy, some slight self-deprecation.

Word Count: 1.7k

Previously On...: Now that you and Bucky are officially FWB, you couldn't keep your hands off one another, which obviously meant having fantastic sex in your office.

A/N: And it's time to finally introduce our antagonist! Sort of! Although, I guess you could say the real antagonism is the angst and anxiety we meet along the way. Chapter 11 is coming along very nicely, hence a posting today. I hope you enjoy!

Banner By: The absolutely amazing @mrsbuckybarnes1917

Taglist: (Please let me know if you’d like to be added!) @jmeelee @cazellen @blackhawkfanatic @les-sel @marcswife21 @buckybarnessimpp @mrsbuckybarnes1917 @erelierraceala

"You're both so codependent," Nat said to the two of you one evening a few months later as you all sat gathered around in the common room after dinner. It was a rare occurrence where no one was away on a mission and everyone was Earth-side. The space was crowded, so naturally Bucky had offered you his lap, theoretically in order to open up some seating for everyone else. Aside from the two of you and Nat, there was Wanda and Vision, Steve and Sam, Clint, Thor, Tony and Pepper, Bruce, and Rhodey. Your perfectly imperfect found family. The only one who was missing was young Peter Parker, but it was a school night and Tony tried to make sure the kid had his priorities in order.

"No we're not," you and Bucky said in unison, which made everyone else either laugh or groan. You glanced up at him with a smile and then back to the others. "What can we say? We just really enjoy the benefits of our friendship."

Bucky let out a cough into his hand that sounded a lot like "Be cool, damn."

"How come you never volunteer to sit in my lap?" Steve asked with an exaggerated pout.

"Do you want me to get up, Star-Spangled Man?" you ribbed as you feigned moving out of Bucky's lap. "You can have him all to yourself." Bucky squeezed your waist in warning, holding you down against him. You knew that if you got up now, you'd be exposing everyone to the erection that had been rubbing against your backside all evening. Fortunately, Steve wasn't one to take such a joke very far.

"No, it's fine. I can tell when I've been replaced," he teased, though his smile didn't necessarily reach his eyes. You and Bucky weren't necessarily hiding the fact that you'd started having sex from everyone, but you sure as shit weren't shouting it from the rooftops. There would be far too many 'I told you so's or 'about damn time's for your liking, not to mention everyone asking 'what's the next step?,' so it was something you kept to yourselves. Besides, you both decided that the secret aspect of sneaking around made it so much fucking hotter.

"Good, you're all here," said Tony, breaking through the levity with a serious tone, "since we're all together for once, there's something we need to discuss."

All eyes turned to him. Usually, a serious Tony meant a global-threatening event, but things on the world-saving front had been fairly quiet recently, so you were all curious to see what he had to say.

"As you're no doubt well aware, because most of you aren't complete morons, there are more and more enhanced individuals coming out of the woodwork, and not all of them are identifying as friendlies. I know we've already got a great team here, but Fury thinks we could be better."

"Pretty strong opinion for a man who just sits around watching and talking," Clint offered from his position on the couch next to Nat where he was re-stringing one of his bows.

"Don't disagree, Barton," Tony continued, "but Fury's good graces and government approval are the reason we keep getting to do what we do. He wants us to expand."

"What, open up a West Coast Avengers second location?" Bruce asked with a laugh.

"He wants us to consider taking on some more members," Tony said. "Expand our capabilities. I was able to negotiate it down to one."

"Do we have a say in the matter, or has he already made the choice for us?" Natasha asked warily. Like you, the Avengers were the only real family she'd ever known, and like you, she was highly uncomfortable with the idea of allowing just anyone to join it.

"He's made some... suggestions," Tony said, holding up a stack of thick folders, "but the final decision is ours to make."

"Well, I say we stick with known quantities," Sam offered. "Like Tic-Tac. He proved himself in Berlin."

"Nah, Scott Lang's not a viable option," you interjected thoughtfully. "Maybe as a reserve or something, but not a full-blown member." At Sam's questioning look, you elaborated. "His daughter's young, and he doesn't have custody. He's not going to move across the country and leave her in San Francisco. Not for us, especially after being apart from her while he was in prison."

"Same's going to go for T'Challa," Nat agreed. "His priority is always going to be Wakanda, he won't give that up, nor should we expect him to."

"We could always invite my brother Loki to join us," said Thor with a grin. "He's quite skilled," he paused for a moment to think his statement through. "Though he is completely untrustworthy and could very well try to murder us all, so perhaps not. But what a humorous situation that would have made!" The eye rolls from around the room proved that, no, it would not have made a humorous situation at all.

"I wish Pietro were still here; he would be magnificent. A perfect addition," Wanda said wistfully, and you reached over to squeeze her hand. She'd done so much healing since her brother had died in the crossfire of the battle with Ultron, but you couldn't imagine the lingering pain losing a twin must keep her in. She gave you a grateful look as she returned your squeeze.

"Well, who else do we know that we'd actually trust enough to ask?" Rhodey posited. The ensuing silence spoke volumes.

"Natty, what about your sister?" you suggested. "You think Yelena would be interested? It wouldn't suck to have another trained Widow on the team. Plus, she makes me laugh, which, you know, absolutely crucial Avenger requirement."

Nat looked thoughtful. "I don't know if it would be her thing, but I could reach out; wouldn't hurt to ask. But I wouldn't get our hopes up; she's pretty dedicated to helping all the former Widows right now."

"Swell," said Tony with an eye roll, making a note on a piece of paper inside his folder. "That's one, maybe. But probably not."

"Well, what options did Fury send over?" Rhodey asked him.

Tony began handing out folders to everyone. Each page contained a brief bio of an enhanced individual Fury had vetted and thought might make a good addition to the team. He handed you a folder, then made to hand another to Bucky.

"I'll share with Pocket," he said.

"Of course you will," Tony said with a shake of his head. "You sharing your balls with her, too, Barnes?" You stuck your tongue out at him. "Nice, Pocket. The pinnacle of maturity," Tony muttered as he moved on toward Bruce.

"Not just your balls," you whispered into Bucky's ear, giving his cock a discreet squeeze. He did his best not to moan out loud at your touch.

"You are going to pay for that," he whispered, causing you to laugh.

"Why don't we take a look at these profiles?" Steve interjected with a cough, waving a folder in the air. Everyone began leafing through their packets. The room was silent, save for the shuffling of paper.

"Wait, here's someone we should definitely consider," Bucky said after a long moment, freezing everyone's attention. He held up a sheet of paper with a picture stapled to it.

You leaned over to get a better look and immediately felt an odd sensation deep inside as your eyes focused on the woman in question: Jade Carthage, code-named 'Vixen'. She had long black hair cascading down her back and vibrant emerald green eyes that, in your opinion, looked cold and calculating. She was absolutely stunning.

"Let's see..." you began reading out loud, "she's the only survivor of a secret Hydra super soldier facility. Looks like they gave her a relatively successful version of the serum, but she single-handedly destroyed their base before it could be replicated and defected to S.H.I.E.L.D. Damn; that's really impressive. Enhanced strength, regenerative capabilities, trained in various forms of martial arts..." While reading about her powers and skills, you couldn't help but feel a slight twinge of jealousy over your own lack of superhero abilities. It was a gentle though bitter reminder that, though you may be able to play in the Avengers' world, you'd never really be one of them. 

"She seems..." Bucky said, almost reverently, letting the rest of his thought hang in the air. "We should definitely meet her." You weren't sure why, but the tone of his voice left your stomach feeling sour.

"Well, she certainly seems interesting," Tony said, perusing the profile, "but I'm not sure she'd be a good fit for the team; I'm not seeing anything unique she can bring us that we don't already have on tap, and I'd want to know why she was the base's sole survivor. What happened to the rest of the subjects? We'll have to look into her more closely before we consider inviting her."

"I think it would be a mistake not to at least meet her," Bucky said, his gaze still locked on Jade's picture. "You can't just walk out of a Hydra base, especially when they value you as an asset. She's got to be good at what she does."

The others seemed to agree with Bucky's assessment after reviewing Jade's sheet. The general consensus seemed to be in favor of inviting Jade in for a more in-depth interview and meet and greet before making further decisions. You weren't sure how you felt about it, but you kept your discomfort to yourself. After all, she could definitely be an asset to the team if they chose to make her an offer, and if she chose to accept, of course. Those were two big ifs that might amount to nothing.And really, when it came down to it, your opinion didn't matter. You weren't actually an Avenger. You were just... Avenger-adjacent. Shaking your head, you attempted to disperse the negative thought. It was a term you'd used to refer to yourself when you were feeling less than your friends, when you were being hard on yourself. You hadn't used it in a while, and you weren't about to let yourself spiral down the familiar path of self-loathing... at least, not just yet.

<- Previous Part / Next Part ->

[intervex]

What Pride Flags Mean Pt 2: Disability

What do colours on pride flags mean when it comes to disability? Here's what I found!

I assembled a data set of 624 queer & disabled pride flags, containing a total of 2060 colour choices. I tagged each colour choice based on its known meaning(s). There are 41 disability-related tags, with 403 colour choices from 134 different pride flags.

On the left are the names of the tags. To the right of each tag is a series of squares, representing all the pride flag colour choices that were given that tag. The more squares there are, the more pride flags I found which had that meaning.

I then calculated a median colour for each tag. Every colour was converted into okLCH colourspace, where colours are represented with three values: lightness, chroma, and hue. I took the median lightness, median chroma, and median hue, and used those to create the colours on the left (the backgrounds of the tag names).

Detailed results are under the cut, and at the very bottom is a simplified & condensed colour-meaning association list that should be easier to remember & keep track of.

RESULTS

Disability in general came out as purplish blue. I kinda expected it to be blue, but guess more people think of it as purple!

Medicine & madness

Only a single flag - the Crohn's disease flag - had anything positive to say about the medical establishment. The Crohn's flag uses white to represent the doctors/nurses/researchers/etc who help Crohn's patients.

Most often if disability pride flags had something to say about the medical establishment, it was negative. There are five entries under underdiagnosis/misdiagnosis (mostly black/grey), and six for undiagnosed (mostly white).

And nine entries that I tagged with "iatrogenesis" which is the term for when medical intervention causes disease/disability.

The most common form of iatrogenesis was psychological trauma caused by the medical establishment. In particular, psychiatry was most often implicated for this, as seen in the psychpunk, systempunk, and traumatic psych experience flags. These were mostly purple, probably because mad pride is pink/purple.

Also related to mad pride was the psychosis+schizo spectrum, also using purple. (See: psychosis+schizospec flag, schizoaffective flag). Plurality also tended towards magenta but had a large range.

On the flip side of mad pride were flags that talked about mental health/illness as a negative thing. These tended to use blue or green. For example, the HS flag uses blue for "the toll that HS takes on mental health". This chronic pain flag uses a bluish green for how chronic pain messes you up emotionally.

Psychological trauma and dissociation was usually dark - often a dark grey. Red, purple, and teal were all used. The median winds up being a dark purple.

Mood disorders wound up with a median being blue but it had a bunch of subthemes. Red was used for anger & manic episodes. Yellow was also used for manic. Green and teal for panic/anxiety. Blue for depressive. Purple and black used for general negativity.

Neurodivergence

Autism was almost equally split between red (#RedInstead started in 2015 by a Canadian ASAN activist) and yellow (#GoingGold started in 2018 by AutisticUK). These are two prominent colours used as alternatives to the blue of Autism Speaks. I went into this personally inclined to the gold because of the Au=Autism pun, but splitting the difference and being orange actually is kinda nice. Feels inclusive.

Being non-verbal was reddish brown. It overlapped a lot with non-verbal autism but wasn't 100% autistic so I kept it a distinct tag.

ADHD had a bunch of variety. Orange was the most popular colour (7 out of 22) but purple (6) also got used a bunch. Some flags made a distinction between inattentive ADHD & hyperactive, usually with violet for inattentive and orange for hyperactive. But both orange and purple were used for all ADHD types.

Dyslexia was navy blue. Dyscalculia was dark green. Less common learning disabilities/differences which only had one pride flag representing them (e.g. dysorthographia) I lumped into "other learning-disabilities". It also came out orange.

Borderline PD had equal amounts of yellow and blue, yielding a median green because green is in between yellow and blue.

General neurodiversity was green. Yellow and blue also got used. I don't think the blues (like in this dyspraxia flag) in my data set are references to Autism Speaks but I personally would avoid using blue for neurodivergence regardless.

Cognitive difficulties was where I lumped together brain fog and memory problems. These were generally coming from chronic illness flags, like the chronic migraines flag. These were generally grey or greyish and a bit purple.

Sensory & communication disabilities

In @capricorn-0mnikorn's original meanings for the disability pride flag, green is used to represent sensory disabilities. I recently proposed some new meanings for the stripes, but I've felt least sure of my suggestion for the green stripe, so I wanted to find out if existing sensory flags really use green.

Blind & low-viz tended to be black/grey, like this one.

Deaf/deaf/HOH was blue, which is popularly used in Deaf culture (including the deaf flag). Stuttering, which isn't a sensory disability but is a communication disability like deafness, was also blue.

Sensory processing issues, such as auditory processing disorder (flag1, flag2), tended towards the cool greens & teals. This is probably in line with how neurodiversity in general was green.

So it's kind of a mixed result. As I already kinda suspected, it doesn't seem like Deaf/blind folks were really using green. But sensory processing like auditory processing disorder does use it. 🤔

Chronic illnesses

The tag for chronic illness in general was a mix of blue, purple, and red. The median winds up being a pinkish purple.

Chronic pain and chronic fatigue both wound up as bluish purple, but with some notable reds. Autoimmune conditions like lupus were also purple, but a pinkish purple. Epilepsy was purple.

Sleep disorders were also bluish purple, like in this narcolepsy flag. This makes sense to me: there's a connecting theme here of sleep and rest, and bluish purple being considered a colour of the night.

Respiratory conditions were sky blue - probably a reference to air and breathing (e.g. the blue in this long covid flag).

Gastrointestinal conditions such as gastroparesis were generally lime green or chartreuse (the colour between yellow and green). This is probably a reference to bile & gastric juices having these colours.

Reproductive disorders were about half yellow (e.g. this endometriosis flag), about one quarter purple, and one quarter red (e.g. this endometriosis flag). The median wound up being yellow.

Invisible disabilities were usually white, but a bit of teal.

Mobility & physical differences

Low mobility wound up as brown. Red was a common choice, but yellow/brown was more common, such as in this disability flag.

Within the mobility tag, motor coordination/coordination tended to be yellow (e.g. this autism flag), body weakness tended to be green (e.g. this ME/CFS flag).

Physical differences such as deformities also wound up as a warm yellow. There's the red from this congenital amputee flag, and the greenish yellow from this radial dysplasia flag.

Models of disability

I did not include the new proposed meanings for the disability pride flag in this data set. I wanted to see if the proposed meanings are in line with pre-existing flags.

Social model wound up as blue, in line with my proposal. 🩵

Ableism came out as dark grey, with a bit of teal. This includes both fighting ableism and being victims of ableism. If I were to match it to a model of disability, the radical or social models seem most relevant.

Disability visibility & pride came out as yellow. This is in line with yellow being culturally associated with happiness and joy. I consider this to be in line with the affirmation model and my proposal. 💛

Disability caused or amplified by racism/classism came out as dark brown/red, but there also were only four entries (purple/red/brown/black). The black and brown I assume are in reference to the brown skin of POC (e.g. this fibromyalgia flag).

My proposal has red as debility (disability caused by violence). This arguably lines up to the racism/classism, but I think it's kind of weak because of how few disability+racism/etc flags I found. I'm considering this inconclusive.

The economic model showed up as olive (between yellow and green). The economic model was presented as ableist. For example, the bad disabled flag has a green stripe for "being useless/uneconomic" in a context that makes clear that this is a way of "sham[ing], discredit[ing], denigrat[ing] disabled people".

As mentioned at the top, the only pro-medical entry was a single white stripe from the Crohn's flag.

This has me now second guessing the white & green in my original proposal - maybe the medical model should be under the "other models" of the white stripe? 🤔 And change green to something that would more easily include sensory processing disabilities? Like maybe the human rights model? 🤔 IDK, would like feedback! 💚 ***

SIMPLIFIED RESULTS

The feedback I got from @queercripintersex on my analysis of gender/attraction colours is it'd be easier to have results that are clustered around a small set of colours with memorable colour-meaning associations.

So I did another round of clustering to simplify things down. I brought the 41 tags down to a more manageable 18. And I've added how I personally would remember each colour.

White: medical model. White like the lab coats doctors wear.

Off-white: invisible disabilities. Off-white like you're barely visible against a white background.

Grey: confusion (brain fog + un/misdiagnosis). Grey like fog.

Black: blind/low-viz. Black like absence of light.

Dark red: trauma. By this I mean both physical trauma (injury) and psychological trauma. Red like blood.

Dark brown: oppression (ableism/racism/etc). Red like blood plus brown like black/brown skin.

Reddish orange: autism/ADHD spectrum. Orange is opposite of blue on many colour wheels, so is a good option for being the opposite of Autism Speaks. Orange is also used in a lot of safety equipment and the like because of how it catches the eye's attention, and the association with attention -> ADHD.

Orange-ish yellow: reproductive disorders. Gold like the intersex flag.

Yellow-brown: physical disabilities. I don't have a good memory aid here, best I'm coming up is it's like the colour of wood, which is used for making mobility aids like canes but also "wooden" is used to describe some motor coordination impairments. If you have a better way to remember it let me know!

Yellow: positivity (disability pride + mania). Yellow is often associated with happiness.

Yellow-green: gastrointestinal. Like bile and vomit.

Green: neurodiversity. Because these are natural differences and green is associated with nature.

Teal/cyan: negativity (depression/etc, negative aspects of disability). Teal is has the same first three letters as tears, and we say people have the blues.

Blue: communication (Deaf/stuttering/etc). Blue also gets associated with openness and clarity.

Purplish blue: social model. Honestly the way I'll remember this one is that social attraction was a similar colour. Blue is often associated with society, conformity, and tradition.

Bluish purple: disability in general. Indigo is a good colour for not fitting in: we're neither blue nor purple.

Purple: chronic illness (pain/fatigue/etc). Purple is associated with the night and sleep, and chronically ill people need rest.

Pink-purple/magenta: madness. Pink and magenta aren't "real" colours in the sense that there do not exist wavelengths of light that make pink and magenta specifically. Those colours are made by our brains, which seems apt!

(Everything here is Creative Commons Sharealike 4.0, so you're free to reuse and build on my visualizations, tables, etc. Enjoy!)

EDIT (2024-07-24): earlier version of this post incorrectly wrote that the median hue for reproductive disorders was red. It was yellow.