#which is Body Too Big (not weight like. i literally want to be this proportions but the size of a stuffed animal/a rabbit) | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

the-widow-sisters · 3 years ago

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Never Too Big

Summary: Three times that Yelena makes up an excuse to sit on her big sister's lap and one time she doesn't. Natasha just feels blessed to have her sister so close. Well, that is, when Yelena's not doing it to be irritating.

Word Count: 2416

The first time that Yelena sat in Natasha’s lap since they were children in Ohio was one afternoon when Yelena returned from her trip to the nearest convenience store where she had gotten one of those cheap crushed ice smoothie things. Natasha had been working out and had just finished changing her clothes when she sat down in Yelena’s favorite armchair. Yelena walked through the front door shortly after she took the seat.

“Welcome home…. Were they out of the smoothies?” Natasha questioned hopefully as she heard Yelena dropping her bag on the table. Yelena laughed humorlessly and Natasha could not help the grin that came onto her face in response to the girl.

“Nope. The machines were full, and I got a cherry-flavored one,” Yelena responded, and Natasha’s smile dropped as she scrunched her nose in slight disgust.

“Gross,” Natasha expressed wholeheartedly.

“You just don’t know what tastes good,” Yelena shot back as she entered the living room, pausing immediately just in front of the armchair that Natasha was currently slumped in. Natasha shifted her gaze up to look at the blonde who was currently staring down at her.

“That’s my seat. Move,” Yelena spoke, but Natasha could hear the slight teasing in her voice, and the redhead knew that she was just trying to mess with her.

“No. I’m resting,” Natasha replied, closing her eyes as she sunk in more deeply in the armchair. Her muscles were aching from her particularly exerting workout earlier, and every part of her hurt too much. It made her realize that she was perhaps getting too old for this sort of effort.

“How is your butt taking up that much space? Move over and let me sit,” Yelena informed her, and Natasha shook her head, reopening her eyes to look at Yelena in disbelief.

“There’s a literal couch right over there,” Natasha informed her, and Yelena just raised an eyebrow as she stared at her sister with a challenge in her eyes. Natasha reciprocated the gaze with just as strong of resolve as the blonde.

However, to Natasha’s utmost surprise, Yelena just suddenly spun around and sat down on Natasha’s legs, leaning back against Natasha’s front. Natasha huffed in surprise, and Yelena just happily sucked on her smoothie.

“What are you doing?” Natasha asked, and Yelena shrugged.

“Sitting in my spot.”

“Well, it looks like you’re sitting on me,” Natasha bluntly informed her, and Yelena shifted her weight so that she was settled more heavily on Natasha. Natasha grunted with the force.

“It feels that way, too,” Natasha added, her voice a little strained, and Yelena just wiggled so that she was more slumped against Natasha’s body and her head was resting just above Natasha’s shoulder as her rear end settled between Natasha’s legs comfortably.

“You’re not very comfortable,” Yelena informed her, getting another swig of her drink as she flashed her honey-green eyes in Natasha’s direction. Natasha sighed deeply, a façade of aggravation on her face but her true emotions reflecting nothing of the sort.

“Then go lay on the couch,” Natasha replied, but there was no real venom or insistence in her voice. It was mostly defeat since she knew how this was going to end. Yelena wanted to sit in that location and she definitely was not going to give in.

Yelena just shook her head, snuggling closer to Natasha. Natasha just groaned before resting her head against Yelena’s shoulder and closing her eyes as Yelena watched the television with the sound turned down on it. She pulled her arm up and around Yelena’s waist as she pulled her back against her.

Natasha knew her sister was just being stubborn, but Natasha was not going to let that get in the way of Natasha herself enjoying the close contact with her favorite person in the world.

……………………………………………………………………………………………

The second time it happened, Natasha was trying to have an adult, civilized conversation with Clint Barton on her phone. They were facetiming because his kids had wanted to talk to their Auntie Nat, and she was much too soft-hearted toward them to turn them down, despite the fact that she did not enjoy facetiming at all.

However, just when Clint had gotten the phone back and had started talking to Nat by himself, Yelena chose that moment to strike.

She came up to the side of the couch where Natasha was sitting, staring at her insistently. Natasha just ignored her, continuing her conversation with Clint. She could feel Yelena’s glare more than she actually saw it, but if she focused on her peripheral vision, she could definitely see the furrowed eyebrows.

She motioned to Yelena to tell her to give her a moment, and she could tell from the change in Yelena’s posture that this was not going to be good enough for her.

But Natasha kept her focus on Clint. She could worry with Yelena’s drama later once she was off the phone.

What she did not count on was the fact that Yelena was going to just plop down in her lap, squishing one of her arms that was holding the phone up which caused the phone to fall out of her hand. Natasha let out a noise of surprise, and Yelena just relaxed there, a giant smirk on her face as she eyed Natasha wickedly.

“Clint, hang on! Yelena, what in the—”

“I needed you to pay attention,” Yelena told her simply, and Natasha rolled her eyes.

“Why?! What is it?!” Natasha demanded, wondering just what would warrant Yelena so rudely interrupting her and Clint’s conversation. From Yelena’s giant, cheese-eating grin, Natasha assumed that it was very likely a reason that was not worth all of the drama that Yelena had taken upon herself to create.

“We’re out of sour cream and onion potato chips,” Yelena answered her simply before cackling. Natasha just groaned deeply, and she could hear Clint laughing from the phone’s place in the floor.

“Are you serious?”

“Yes! They’re my favorite and I needed to make sure you got them on the grocery list,”

“It could’ve waited, though,” Natasha informed her, bending around her and grabbing the phone that had hit the floor. She was not really angry with the blonde, but she was slightly aggravated by her love of annoying the redhead.

“No, it couldn’t have. Sour cream and onion is the best in the world and the fact that we have no more is an issue of Avenger-level importance,” Yelena declared, and Natasha sighed in slight irritation as she held the phone up so that it was above Yelena’s shoulder and facing Natasha.

Clint was grinning widely.

“Sounds like you need to get off the phone and go get her some potato chips,” Clint told her, and Yelena’s grin was as big as his. Natasha rolled her eyes and rested her chin on Yelena’s shoulder since it was so conveniently there to serve as a chinrest.

“Yeah, Natashka. I’m hungry,” Yelena informed her, looking over at the older woman. Natasha shifted her gaze from the phone over to Yelena’s adoring gaze which, of course, the blonde likely did not know looked so loving when she was trying to be irritating.

“You’re always hungry,” Natasha shot back, but her words did not possess the fire that she halfheartedly attempted to summon into them.

“Hey, look at that, she’s got something in common with you, Barton,” Natasha added, raising an eyebrow at the man on the phone. He deflated a bit as she chuckled at his reaction.

Yelena snuggled in a little further, making her own quip, and Natasha could not help but notice how comfortable the younger girl was in this situation.

Of course, Natasha could not say anything since she was just as contented as the blonde.

……………………………………………………………………………………………

The third time it happened, Natasha was peacefully sitting and quietly enjoying Melina’s company as the woman busied about in the kitchen and was working to serve dinner for their weird, dysfunctional little family.

“Hello,” Yelena suddenly interrupted the atmosphere, marching through the door as if she had a definitive purpose and reason, and Melina turned her head with a slight smile.

“Hello, dear,” Melina kindly replied, warmth in her voice as she addressed the girl. Natasha just smiled lovingly at her younger sister.

“Hey, little one,” Natasha greeted, and Yelena narrowed her eyes as she stared at Natasha. However, there was an unhidden adoration in her gaze as she eyed the redhead. Natasha quirked an eyebrow, wondering what her younger sister was about to say to her.

“I’ve got a bone to hack with you. I heard that you said—"

“Pick,” Natasha interrupted, barely holding back a laugh as she relaxed in her chair, noting Melina’s disapproving glance at the slouching. Natasha was convinced that she was not slouching, but she straightened just a little to avoid Melina’s chastisement. Yelena immediately looked confused at Natasha’s interruption, and she blinked at her.

“What?” Yelena questioned, her voice conveying her cluelessness.

“A bone to pick. You said hack,” Natasha corrected, and Yelena narrowed her eyes. Natasha had to bite her tongue to keep from laughing at the younger girl’s expression and overall irritation with Natasha.

“Whatever. I heard that you said I was not cute anymore,” Yelena informed her, and Natasha suddenly realized that the girl looked almost offended about the whole thing. Natasha might be slightly more worried about it if she did not remember the exact words she had uttered and knew that Yelena was blowing it way out of proportion.

“I said you were all grown-up and not that same cute little girl anymore.”

“SEE!!!” Yelena proclaimed accusingly, pointing her finger at Natasha, and Natasha just grinned in reply, feeling the urge to reach out and grab Yelena’s adorable chubby face that was shoved near Natasha’s own as she glared at her with that typical challenging expression.

“I also said you’re very pretty now,” Natasha added, and Yelena just sniffed with indignation as she looked away from the redhead.

“She doesn’t think I’m cute anymore,” Yelena announced to the room, her arms crossed, and Natasha just huffed a bit with laughter. Melina shook her head, choosing to avoid getting involved in this drama. However, judging by the barest hints of a smile on her face, she was enjoying the exchange.

“I meant you’re just not a little girl anymore,” Natasha explained, feeling a bit of laughter bubbling up. Yelena narrowed her eyes.

“Well, if I’m cuter as a little girl, I’ll behave like one then,” Yelena proclaimed before suddenly sitting on Natasha’s lap. Natasha huffed but wrapped her arms around Yelena’s waist to keep her in place.

“You already behave like one. Look at the fit you just threw,” Natasha pointed out, and Yelena just leaned back so that she was squishing her shoulder against Natasha’s face in defiance. Natasha turned her head to the side, chuckling with a wide grin as she held onto the blonde.

Natasha was beginning to think that Yelena just wanted an excuse to sit on her lap.

……………………………………………………………………………………………

Natasha’s theory was fully confirmed when they were sleepily watching a movie, and Natasha’s eyelids were growing heavy. Yelena was right by her side, and her sister’s warmth was starting to lull her out of consciousness.

In fact, Natasha was almost asleep when she suddenly felt a weight starting to move into her lap.

She was dangerously close to opening her eyes in the midst of her somewhat confused and disoriented state, but she kept them shut as she waited to see what Yelena would do.

To her surprise, Yelena wiggled her way very carefully into her lap, curling herself into a ball as she rested her head on Natasha’s shoulder in the crook of her neck. Natasha’s heart immediately melted with the girl’s touch and the love that she was obviously too worried to show while Natasha was conscious or seemed to be.

Natasha waited a few moments longer before snaking her arms up and around Yelena. Yelena stiffened a tiny bit, frozen and almost seeming as if she were waiting on something. Natasha hummed under her breath with contentment, pressing a small kiss to Yelena’s head.

“Mmm… Y’know, if you wanted to sit on my lap, you could’ve just done it a while ago,” Natasha informed her easily, her voice rough with sleep. She felt Yelena immediately loosen up in response to that and the blonde’s arms wrapped more tightly around Natasha as she nuzzled into the redhead’s neck.

“You said I was not the same little girl, and we did this kind of thing when we were small,” Yelena replied in a mumble, and Natasha could feel the uncertainty coming off of her in waves. Natasha shook her head, a smile tugging at her lips.

“Little one, you’ll never be too big to sit in my lap,”

“I’m bigger than you,” Yelena informed her, and for once it was not even in her typical condescending, smug tone that she always took when the topic of their height was brought up. It had a significant undertone of insecurity and slight shame.

“By one inch,” Natasha quickly replied, and Yelena chuckled a small bit before quickly falling silent.

“Besides. I thought you said you didn’t mind touching in public.”

“I don’t. I just worried that you would not want me sitting on you like a baby,” Yelena informed her, her accent growing thicker, and Natasha was almost sure that she was about to transition fully to Russian. It was something that the blonde always did when she was feeling insecure or was uncomfortable with something she had to say. However, the fact that they were alone must have contributed to the reason she remained speaking English.

“I always want you close. I haven’t been able to hold you like this for over twenty years. I don’t care how old you are. I want you close to me and you don’t have to have an excuse for it,” Natasha informed her, and she could hear the small sniffle that sounded off somewhere near her neck. She could also feel the slight wetness against her skin.

“Ya lyublyu tebya bol'she vsego ili kogo-libo,” Natasha admitted to her, and she could feel the smile pulling at Yelena’s lips. Natasha knew what it meant to the girl. It was something that Natasha herself had wanted to hear from someone for so long after she was able to escape the Red Room.

“Ya tozhe tebya lyublyu.”

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dreamsinger-rose · 4 years ago

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Trolls Anatomy

Having long admired all the beautiful Trolls fan art out there, I find myself wanting to try my hand at it myself. So I’ve studied their forms, and done a lot of musing over them. There are a lot of distinctive things about troll bodies that are different from us humans. For example, why do they have such short arms, legs, fingers and toes? Why such big noses? Why, since they all appear to be highly athletic, do they have what we would consider too much flesh on their bellies and butts? And what’s the deal with their hair?

For their basic body shape, I have two theories. Since it’s been established that most or all species of trolls have babies via eggs, it’s possible that they (both male and female) have a womblike space in their lower bodies to carry a baby troll before it’s developed enough to have a protective shell form around it. Also, while the glitter troll Guy Diamond birthed his egg through his hair, it’s possible that other species of trolls might lay their eggs the more conventional way, out their bottoms, which would then need to be structurally bigger simply to make the laying process easier.

My second theory is, looking at things from an evolutionary standpoint, trolls’ bodies are adapted to travel by slinging themselves through the air by their hair. We tend to assume that creatures who do this (fairies, for example) will have long, slender limbs. But if you look at most birds, those birds that other animals prey upon tend to be small and rounded. Trolls are more on the prey side than the predator side, so this fits. Trolls have big ears for listening for predators, too. Even though you could argue the case that their teeth probably indicate an omnivorous diet, of both plants and fellow animals.

Why is it advantageous for survival for a troll to be small and rounded? Lower wind resistance, for one. Also, if I’m looking at a troll’s short fingers and toes and imagining them fleeing from a predator through the treetops, I’d say longer fingers and toes would be more likely to catch on tree limbs and slow them down or even cause them to fall to the ground and get injured, making them easy prey.

Why then, if being agile is important for survival, do trolls have such bottom-heavy bodies? That’s an easy one. To counterbalance their enormous heads. They also have thick legs and feet, probably for the same reason.

In fact, I wonder, when looking at human babies, whose proportions are very similar to trolls’ (yes, the cuteness factor is another reason we find trolls adorable despite the fact that they’re so different from us) if we gave babies weighted diapers, would they find it easier to balance? Be less likely to fall down or run into things headfirst? Probably. But I’d assume that doing so would probably cause abnormalities like permanently curved legs or spines (scoliosis). Weighted shoes, perhaps?

Why do trolls have such big heads? From an artistic point of view, we tend to make the most important part of a character bigger. Ever notice when you have a smart character and a less-intelligent one together, the smart one’s head is often bigger? So having oversized heads is a good way to show off a troll’s most distinctive trait, their remarkable hair.

From a physics point of view, a troll’s hair probably needs a strong base of attachment to do all the things their hair is capable of doing. Maybe the roots of their hair are longer than a human’s and thus literally need more space within their heads? And of course, trolls need strong, thick, short, yet highly flexible necks, since their necks would be their weak point otherwise. How long would a human’s neck last if put through the stress a troll’s neck is expected to handle?

The opposite is true regarding their arms. I assume that because trolls travel either by walking or by using their hair, they have never needed to evolve overly bulky, powerful shoulders and arms, as our own ancestors did. That said, their arms are actually fairly strong, but they tend to look almost tiny compared to their oversized hands.

One thing I wonder about is their hair’s various capabilities. We know they can change the color of their hair and even use it to mimic their surrounding as camouflage. Their hair is bioluminescent – Poppy used her hair to simulate a flaming torch in the first movie. They can also use their hair to support their bodies and to grab things, but unlike in the two TV series, Trolls: The Beat Goes On and Trollstopia, where the characters use their hair like an extra hand (or many extra hands), the movie trolls’ hair seems more like an extra foot. Lots of power, not much fine control of smaller sections of hair. I’d say this is due more to the fact that it’s very complicated and time-consuming to animate moving hair realistically using CGI compared to hand-drawing, honestly, but it’s something to consider if you want to set limitations on their hair when imagining stories about them.

Speaking of limitations, I don’t consider the TV series canon, except in a very general way. As in, the culture and characters’ personalities and backstories are very similar, but the events we’ve seen are specific to this one alternate universe’s Branch and Poppy. To me, the movies are canon. But if I use the series as a general guideline, in Trollstopia in the episode “Branch out of Water” we see that there is a limit to how far a troll’s hair can extend.

Noses. Why do trolls have such large noses? Among humans, large noses often indicate someone whose ancestors evolved in a warm, humid climate. We can assume, between their nose shape and the facts that trolls shave their body hair off and don’t wear heavy clothing, that they probably live somewhere nice and warm as well.

Eyes. The other real difference between a human (or bergen) and a troll is our eyes. I’m pretty sure trolls have a clear protective barrier over their eyes to protect them from damage while flinging themselves through the air. Otherwise their eyes would constantly water and/or get damaged as the wind, leaves, dust, or other debris hit them. That would blind them, and they’d fall. Imagine not having the supersensitive eyes we humans have! No wonder trolls don’t mind having glitter thrown in their faces. It doesn’t even bother Branch. You’d think that trolls would have big eyes to look for prey, the same way their ears are oversized, but I’d guess smaller eyes are more protected by their big cheeks and nose. Eye barrier or not, larger features are more vulnerable.

I’m looking forward to reading your comments or theories of your own, especially you artists 😊

#Dreamworks' Trolls #Analysis of a troll's anatomy #For trolls artists

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the-bjd-community-confess · 3 years ago

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I feel like this will be a point of contention, and I'll try to explain my layers of why. Short: I don't think most artist dolls are worth the price asked.

Longer: I understand that people can set their own prices, and if people buy, that's their prerogative and right. But I don't think that objectively proves that artist dolls are worth it. I understand that part of the reason for the price is that it's more expensive to make artist dolls without a direct team behind you, so that hikes the prices, and just having that "ARTIST DOLL!" label is already a big thing in this hobby, especially by "big names". But often the engineering, or the finish, or even the design itself isn't something to brag home about.

The engineering is the biggest crux, how many artist dolls are absolute nightmare posers? Too many. You gotta suede, wire, and STILL the doll won't sit on its own, or even keep a pose right. The finish? How many artist dolls have crooked features, or there's just "something" not quite right about the anatomy? Maybe too long arms. A completely unusual head size, making wig finding a nightmare. Or just the joints not fitting right. How about poorly smoothed in facial features, or weird "egg-heads"? Bodies that miss parts, or just seem like an afterthought when sculpting.

The design? I could probably count 20+ artist dolls that have the exact same design with minors tweaks between them, the "pear body, big legs, stick arms, huge eyes, pouty mouth, and button nose" is basically most of the artist dolls found. While it's super popular, at some point it just comes across like a copy-paste. While this is not a huge gripe, it just feels kinda boring when the artist side has little originality, which is something I personally view as a selling point, the "being different" and being original with doll designs. It's basically everyone just wanting a slice of the pie, by just copying the popular girl on the block.

Even fullsets, I'm not hating on the craft of the artists, but if the price tag increases by however many hundreds of dollars, I do kinda wish it would reflect in the whole finished product. I know the "artist fullset" label already just adds some % to the price, but at the same time, is it really worth it when you can find outfits for a fraction anywhere else? Some artists don't even do the clothing, wigs or even the face-up themselves, instead everything is outsourced. How is that "artist fullset" anymore, when the artist of the doll isn't even involved in the fullset?

If your favourite seamstress could probably do the exact same design for 300 dollar less? Or your fave face-up artist does a much more elaborate face-up to your tastes without it adding 200 dollar just because the artist choose the face-up artist, especially on very "standard" styles that basically every artist offers as a basic face-up. Unless it's some complicated nightmare of epic proportions, why not support some wig-makers who'll get you your wig for several a quarter of the added cost for the fullset label? Even if it's based on their designs, I feel like artist fullset kinda carries the weight that the artist made all or at least parts of it themselves by hand.

Some of this comes from me looking at artist fullsets btw, and just seeing how often something is sewn crooked, or how some literally just badly glued on stones, and embellishments, and them just falling off the moment the owner touches them. Literal glue spots where glue was used. How can you justify around 2000 dollar for a fullset where the pieces don't even stick together? Or where leftover glue is all over? And the embellishments? If it's a doll that's supposed to last, why use embellishments that you can buy for 5bucks in bulk at the craft store and will break down into ugly in less than 5 years?

Why not get something made to last? I literally had the exact same metal embellishments as an artist used in their fullset, and I know from personal experience they turn "bad" after about 2 years in the air. 1700 dollar, and the metal embellishments are gonna look ass in less than half a decade. Some time ago looking up another artist, I recognised them having beads in a fullest which aren't supposed to be used in sewing because they "bleed" for some reason, and people discourage their use in any fabric endeavours, or anything you don't want stained, yet they used them on a porous doll, with "high quality fabrics".

How about wigs that bleed? Or wigs that most wig makers would sell as "unstyled"? Wigs that are outsourced, and if you buy the same wig from the wig maker directly it costs less than half. Is the fullset really worth that much just bc it says "artist" on the tin, and comes "bundled"? I've seen artist dolls that normally sell for 900 dollar, sell for the mentioned 1700-2000 dollar just for being an "ARTIST fullset" and I really wonder, is it worth it?

The prices I mentioned are from real dolls, and the problems mentioned where found in those dolls. Or my "nitpicking" of using other seamstresses, wig makers or face-up artists lowering the price tag considerably, while probably being better in quality when I compare it to the flaws I've actually seen in artist fullsets. Idk I still believe anyone can decide their own prices, and you use your money as you will. This was more just me freeing my thoughts, and maybe also just wanting to see opposing viewpoints, because I'm actually genuinely curious about people who buy these dolls and their minds about these things.

~Anonymous

#BJD #ABJD #BJD Confessions #TrueBJDConfessions #BJD Fullsets #BJD Artists #BJD Prices

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kyidyl · 4 years ago

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Kyidyl Explains Bones - Part 3

Well, I had this halfway done and then TUMBLR ATE IT, so let me start again. UGH.

(These posts are collected under the KyidylBones tag. Do with that information what you will, lol.)

So what are we getting into today? Sex determination!

Ethical Note: I’m adding this bc not everyone who sees this post saw my post yesterday and this is important info, especially on Tumblr. Anthropologists of all stripes are well aware that sex and gender are extremely complicated. Trust me, we know. But we still do sex determination for a few reasons. First, because missing persons databases are arranged on a male/female binary, and if we’re comparing a set of remains to that database to identify the remains then we need that info. Second, demographic info for populations that have disappeared is important, even if those populations are historical. This might shock you (<--sarcasm), but written records are usually either lacking or inaccurate. Third, if we know the sex of the skeleton we can compare that to the grave goods and learn some interesting cultural things, including possibly being trans, because none of the signs of being trans survive physically in the skeleton. So I am going to be using male/female binary language, but it isn’t to exclude the wide variety of sexes and genders that don’t exist on that binary, it’s because it’s what I’ve got to work with. And if you have questions about this, feel free to ask, but please be respectful.

Alright, so there are some vocab words for today’s post and I had them all nicely written out in an easy to read paragraph, but it got eaten, so I’m just gonna present them in list fashion this time:

Characteristic - All physical markers of human variation exist on a spectrum because humans are varied and we invented the categories to begin with. If something is characteristic of, say, a male? It means that it is very, very distinctly male. It matches the stereotypical expectation of what you’d see in a male. It’s a standard for an obvious example of a given thing.

Landmark - A landmark on your bones is a feature of the bones that is always in the same place. We use this to help us identify a bone and to help us know what side it is on. IE, your lesser trochanter is a bump on your femur (thigh bone) that is on the inside towards the back. It’s always in that spot, so we know which direction it should face and ergo which side it would be on. Landmarks are unique to the bone in question.

Foramen - A hole on a bone. The big one in your skull that your spinal cord goes through is the foramen magnum and it literally means big hole. But there are a lot of little ones all over your skeleton so your nerves and blood vessels can do to your skeleton what the weirwood did to Bryden Rivers. I said what I said. ;)

Bilateral - Both sides. Humans have bilateral symmetry and so one side is symmetrical (externally and WRT your skeleton, but not always your organs.) to the other. You can split us down the middle and the two sides are basically the same.

Ok, so there’s another set of terms that you need to know, but I’m going to be copying and pasting this into every post going forward so I’m making it separate. Anyone who works with any kind of anatomy uses these terms to be very specific about the location of something on the body. They are:

Anterior/Posterior - Front and back respectively. I remember them because my mom used to say posterior when she didn’t want to say butt, and because A comes before P the way front comes before back. Sometimes people say dorsal and ventral, and I remember that because a dorsal fin is on a whale’s back.

Proximal/Distal - Near and far vertically in relationship to the center of your body. I remember it because one end of the bone is in close proximity to me and the other one is distant.

Medial/Lateral - Near and far horizontally in relationship to the center of your body. I remember it because medial is closer to the middle of my body, and lateral isn’t medial. Also, if you are reading left to right L comes before M and you’d get to a lateral body part before a medial one.

So, where to begin? How do we know what sex people were assigned at birth from just their skeleton? Let’s start with what everyone is most familiar with:

The Pelvis

The pelvis of an adult human is a really common thing for an archaeologist to find. And by the time we find it, it’s usually in three pieces (excluding your tailbone aka last vertebra). Your left and right hip bones, called the innominates, and your sacrum. Mind you, the pelvis is made up of a number of bones, but they all fuse in adulthood except these three (fun fact: I’m so used to using the individual names for them that I had to *google* the word innominate.), so this is what we usually find. If it’s a kid, they still survive well because they’re thick, heavy bones, but they aren’t fused. Another fun fact, the bumps of bone that you feel under your ass are called your ischium and I’m only telling you that because I think it’s a fun word to say. Your hop bones, like the actual entirety of the flat bladed part at the top, that’s called the Illium. I like that word too. Aaanyway, here’s a human pelvis:

(Source)

These are actual bone specimens in the top down view, both are women, but they are of different ethnic origin.

(Source)

This is a cast (IE, plastic), front view of a male pelvis.

You can see those 3 pieces I’m talking about. The only joint there that remains unfused is the sacroiliac joint, IE, where the two halves of the pelvis join the sacrum. However! You sacrum is technically a series of fused vertebrae and your spinal cord runs almost all the way to the very tip. There are some conditions which cause these not to fuse, or to not fuse properly, or to not properly encase the spinal cord and it causes all KINDS of issues. But anyway, yeah, your sacrum is a really tough hunk of bone because it carries a lot of weight. The bit in the front is called the pubic symphysis and, despite what certain tumblr posts would have you believe, having children does NOT leave a notch on the inner side of it from the muscle tearing away tiny chunks of the bone. In fact, it is hotly debated whether or not pregnancy leaves behind any skeletal evidence at all.

Alright, so basically speaking, females make da babies and males don’t, so the different equipment is differently shaped......

.....wait, no, that’s not right. Let’s back up. Male and female humans are differently proportioned and their center of gravity is, on average, different. This is the whole thing about men having upper body strength and women having thighs that can crush watermelons. This is on *average* (I will be saying a lot about averages in these posts.) true. And so the physics of the forces exerted on your bones is different. Males are top-heavy, and so their pelvis is shaped in response to their gate and muscle structure because the pelvis supports and distributes the weight of your entire body. And bipedalism means that the shape of the pelvis is very, very different depending on the weight distribution. These changes to the pelvis are really obvious, which is why we can tell from just a few bones whether or not a hominin was bipedal. It changes the *entire* body.

It is true though that the pelvis of a female is different than a male, because a female pelvis has to be able to support the weight of a developing child while still allowing the individual to walk. So the interaction of average size, a uterus, and the bipedal gate means that male and female pelvises are a different shape.

Here is a comparison:

(Source)

So firstly, that angle is called the sub-public angle, and because a females pelvis is wider and flatter than a male’s (when viewed from the front) it’s wider in the front. This also gives any babies more room. Secondly, you can see the difference in the tilt of the sacrum - in the female you can’t see the tailbone. This, again, is due to the confluence of weight distribution and the necessity of passing a baby’s head through that space. It would be a lot harder to push it out if you had a tailbone in the way. Lastly, you can see that the shape of the circle when you look top down and bottom up are different - wider on the woman because of the same reasons I’ve already mentioned. There is one more major difference between the male and female pelvis, and that’s the sciatic notch:

(Source)

Characteristic of male on the left, intermediate in the middle, and female on the right (and dang, she was young, too.). Thinner is male, wider is female. Usually you can fit your thumb in a female’s notch but barely or not at all in a male. I personally find the subpubic arch and the sciatic notch the easiest to use because, fun fact #2, those 3 sections are a bitch to hold together with your hands and that makes it hard to see the other shapes. The amount of sacrums and pelvic bones I’ve accidentally dropped while trying to determine sex....it’s a lot, ok? It’s a lot. I only have two hands and pelvises are big.

There are also several less obvious ways of determining sex from a skeleton, so you guys should definitely visit the source for the above image because they go into it deeper and there are several excellent images of public bones.

So how else do we determine sex? The next easiest way is from the skull, because the features are distinct and skulls survive well.

The Skull

In my opinion the easiest landmark to use on a skull for sex determination is the jaw. There are several features of the jaw that can be used here - and, mind you, when determining sex we measure every small and large sex-linked feature according to a scale and then average it all out. We never look at any single thing (although sometimes the individual has something so characteristic that you can’t help it. The individual in my position has a brow like a neanderthal, so it was pretty obvious.). Anyway, there are several features here but the easiest is to look at the shape of the lateral distal posterior portion of the jaw. It’s called the masseteric tuberosity. Basically, it’s a little bit of bone that sticks out of the back of your jaw. It’s one of the attachment points of the masseter aka chewing muscles attach. Because males have stronger muscles pulling on that part of the jaw and exerting more force, it flares out further for them when you look at it from the front, like this:

(Source)

It’s that sticky-outy thing thing that I circled in red. Here is an example of the same thing on females:

(Source)

Female jaws are rounder, and so that bit is less defined, flares out less, and is not as sharp as it is on males. And this is a reminder that these measures aren’t absolutes - humans have a lot of variance in them. The female asian and the male on the right both have somewhat atypical structures, while the female european and the two other males have a very characteristic structure.

The two other easiest to identify are the shape of the brown line and the shape of the chin (the mental protuberance). Here is an image of the comparison:

(Source: Pinterest, but this images are from the Human Bone Manual text that I use and I used this image so I wouldn’t have to make my own. :P)

You can see in the profile that the female skull has a higher, more vertical forehead with less pronounced brow ridges. If you look, you can also see that her chin protrudes less in profile, and is softer and less pronounced in the frontal view. The angle under her teeth is less severe.

So these three things, the chin, the brow, and the jaw, are the easiest to identify the most likely to be characteristic of the sex of the individual. But, if you compare the images I’ve used here you’ll also notice that there are other differences in the skull. Females have more of a slope to the bottom of their jaw, the bump on the back of their heads (the occipital protuberance) tends to be far less pronounced; and this is the case for all muscle attachments generally speaking. On average, males are more easily able to build muscle mass and are larger, and so their muscles pull harder on their skeletons and create larger muscle attachments. The round, blunt thing to the right of the back of the jaw that sticks out from the skull (the mastoid process), is also at a different angle and is larger in males. This is another case of the muscles being bigger and stronger - the mastoid process is where several of your jaw and neck muscles attach.

There you have it, then. The easiest ways to tell the sex of a skeleton. :)

This post has been approved by Gage the science doggo:

#science #anthropology #skeletons #human remains #human skeletons #education #KyidylBones #archaeology #bioarchaeology #humans #bones #human bones

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nonbinary-octopus · 4 years ago

Text

Secret Shifter

A gift for @cutetinyartist for the @secret-shifters gt gift exchange!

CuteTinyArtist gave three prompts to work with, and I tried to use bits from all of them, but this is mostly prompt three.

Prompt 1: Pretty much anything involving handheld fluff! Giants holding tinies (whether it's for the first time or the billionth time) is always a great trope.

Prompt 2: A giant finding a tiny and being really excited about it- possibly with accidental fearplay as the giant doesn't realize how scared the tiny is!

Prompt 3: Size-Shifter accidentally revealing their powers to a close friend who doesn't know about it (and the friend finding it absolutely adorable/amazing- possibly even leading to a confession of love? Fluffy romance in G/T is something that I absolutely adore)

Wordcount: 3.1 K

Summary: Sam has a secret. A big secret. Or maybe it's a really little secret...

[More of my writing]

~~~~~

It had been a perfect day. One of the odd days when Rose and Sam had had a day off in common, and they decided to spend it together. No plans, just hanging out and goofing around. They’d spent a large portion of the morning simply sitting together on Rose’s living room couch and watching cartoons, and now they were in her kitchen, doing their best to make lemonade from its base components.

Sam poured a small portion into his cup, taking a sip. He made a face.

“Still too sour?” Rose asked. Sam nodded.

“Put in like… twice as much sugar.” Sam put his cup down, picking up the sugar instead, and started pouring it into the pitcher. Rose stirred with their wooden spoon.

The falling sugar crystals were pretty. Sam got distracted watching them, and didn’t stop pouring until Rose said, “Uh, I think that’s probably plenty.”

Sam jolted, pulling the sugar away abruptly. “Oops.”

Rose laughed, still stirring. When the sugar had about dissolved, they asked, “Ready for another taste test?” Sam nodded, picking up his cup again. It still had some left in it from earlier, though, and he looked at the yellowish liquid for a few seconds. Then he shrugged a bit and tossed the whole thing into his mouth, trying to drink it all in one swallow.

It was… not a better way to get it down than just drinking it normally. When he’d finished his coughing fit, and Rose had finished laughing at him, they poured him another sample. Sam sipped it.

“Hm,” he said. He sipped it again.

“Well?”

“Well…” Sam considered, taking another sip. “It’s not too sour anymore?”

“Too sweet?” Rose guessed. Sam nodded.

“Very. You ever do that experiment as a kid where you grow sugar crystals? It’s like drinking that. A little flavor, but mostly just sugar water.”

“More lemons, then?”

“Maybe.” Sam ran his tongue across his teeth, which felt a bit grainy. “I don’t think the sugar all dissolved, actually. We should probably add more water.”

A little over an hour later, they finally had the ratios all right. They also had three pitchers full of lemonade.

“So…” Sam said. “Any idea how much of each ingredient we used?”

Rose laughed. “Not a clue.”

“Me neither.” Sam swirled what was left of his latest sample in the bottom of his cup. “Y’know… I think I’ve had enough lemonade for the day. Maybe even enough to last me for the rest of the year.”

“... same.”

“Put the rest in the fridge? Deal with it later?”

Rose nodded.

“So, what do you wanna do next?” Sam asked after they’d found lids for the pitchers and transferred them all to the fridge.

Rose shrugged. “More cartoons?”

“Yeah!”

During the theme song of their second episode, Sam felt a familiar prickle in the back of his brain. Oh no. Not now. Not here. Sam closed his eyes tightly, trying to will it away. It didn’t work. That never worked. The prickly sensation grew stronger. He had to get away, immediately.

“You okay?” Rose asked. Sam’s eyes shot open.

“Hm? Uh, yeah, I—” What excuse could he use? He didn’t want them to get worried, but at the same time, he couldn’t stay here. Sam fidgeted.

“Too much lemonade?” Rose guessed sympathetically.

“Yeah,” Sam breathed, relieved. “Yeah, too much, I gotta—”

Rose laughed, shoving his shoulder. “Go on, then. Get. You know where the bathroom is.”

“Thanks.” Sam shot to his feet, untangling himself from his blanket cocoon as quickly as he could. “Uh. Start without me. I’ve seen this one.” He ran from the room as fast as he could. This was okay. It would be okay. He could just lock himself in the bathroom until it was over, and Rose never needed to know. Yeah. Yeah, he could do this.

He made it halfway up the stairs before it hit.

Between one breath and the next, the prickles spread across his entire body, blurring his vision and disrupting his balance. Sam’s foot had been lifted for the next step, but the next step suddenly wasn’t there, and for a moment he was falling.

He landed flat on his face.

“Ow,” Sam said flatly into the carpet, and didn’t get up. The landing hadn’t actually hurt too much, but he still didn’t feel like moving yet. He lay there for several moments longer, waiting for the lingering tingles to fade and his bones to stop feeling like jello. It was always worse if he was moving when the shifts struck.

But he couldn’t lie there forever. When Sam felt like he could move without his vision spinning, he sat up, a little bit stiffly, then stood and brushed himself off. He was a little bit sore from faceplanting into the floor, but not so sore he thought it would leave a bruise.

And now there were the stairs to deal with. Normally, not a problem; they’re just stairs. Walk up, walk down. He’d been taking them three at a time just a minute ago. No biggie. But now? Yes biggie. Literally. Sam scowled up at the next step. At least these stairs were carpeted. He’d have handholds. But on the other hand, the top of each step had a lip that stuck out at least an inch or two, with an overhang underneath.

Maybe he should go down instead of up. Sam turned around, looking down the flight of stairs. It would certainly be easier; he could let gravity do most of the work. And sure, the drop was about twice his height, but he was surprisingly durable like this. He could probably jump down and it would still be more scary than painful or dangerous.

On the other hand, Rose thought he was in the bathroom, and the bathroom was upstairs, and it would be harder to pretend he’d actually been in the bathroom the whole time if he went down the stairs. Plus, if he shifted back without warning, Rose would be more likely to notice if they were on the same floor.

And staying put was definitely out of the question. There were worse places to be six inches tall, especially out in public, but just sitting on the stairs was still pretty bad. It was probably worse than out on a regular floor, actually, and not just because it was harder terrain to traverse. There was no clutter to hide behind, for one thing.

So up it was.

Sam nodded, lacing his fingers together and swinging his hands above his head to pop his knuckles and stretch his shoulders. Stepping up to the cliff face-like wall, Sam gripped one thick thread of the carpet at about shoulder height, and another over his head. He hauled himself upwards, trying to find purchase with his feet. There wasn’t really anything to stand on, but if he leaned back a bit, he could brace his feet against the wall so he wouldn’t have to rely entirely on his arm strength.

It helped that he didn’t weigh very much like this. Being small had a lot of disadvantages, but one thing it had going for it was the proportional strength. Sure, at this size Sam couldn’t open a jar or pick up even one of those pitchers of lemonade in the fridge, but he could lift his own body weight with surprising ease.

Getting over the lip of the step wasn’t as hard as he’d expected. Once he had climbed as high as he could, holding his arms in pull-up position so his hair brushed the underside of the overhang, Sam carefully shifted his weight onto one arm. With the other, he reached up and back, feeling across the ceiling until he found the forward edge. He made sure he had a good grip on a carpet strand, then let go with his first hand. As Sam swung back, he reached up and grabbed on beside his other hand.

Climbing was harder when he was dangling over open space, instead of having a solid wall in front of him to brace against. Sam hauled himself up, uselessly kicking at the air once or twice. His next reach gave him an anchor on the top of the step, and then he was squirming over the edge up onto it.

“There,” Sam said, puffing a bit. “One down…” He looked up, but from this angle, couldn’t see further than the next step, looming over him. “… several to go.”

This was going to take a while.

The step was three paces from front to back, and then Sam was climbing again. Getting over the overhang was a bit easier this time, since he’d had the practice of the first one, but he still had to stop for a breather after he’d dragged himself onto the top. After he had caught his breath, Sam started again.

As Sam was squirming over the overhang of his fourth step, things went from just tricky to downright bad.

“Oh! Hello there!”

Sam jerked in shock. He almost lost his grip and fell, but managed to grab onto another strand of carpet in time. For a few seconds, he dangled off the edge of the step, heart pounding. Then, slowly, he looked over his shoulder and up.

Yep, just as he’d feared… Rose had found him. She had an odd look on her face, a sort of frozen shock mixed with a wince.

“Sorry,” Rose said in a much softer voice. “I didn’t mean to startle you. Do you need some help?” They started leaning towards Sam, lifting their hand. Panic shot through Sam’s heart, and he started scrambling to get up and over the overhang again before they could reach him. Fear made him clumsy, and he had to grab at the carpet strands a few times before he had a good enough grip to pull himself up.

Surprisingly, he didn’t feel the grasping fingers of a human hand, even though Sam knew all too well that he stood no chance of winning any sort of race against a human at this size.

Once up on top of the step, Sam turned around, backing toward the next stair. To his surprise, Rose had pulled her hand back and was looking apologetic.

“Sorry,” she said again.

Sam shook himself. Why was he acting so scared? This was Rose. He knew Rose! They were an absolute sweetie, and they’d never hurt him, even if he was very small at the moment and his instincts were screaming at him to get away. Sheepishly, Sam lifted a hand in an awkward wave.

“Hi.”

Rose grinned a small grin. “Hi,” she echoed. “Sorry. I wasn’t thinking about how that would look from your end.”

Sam chuckled. “It’s okay. You meant well.”

“Good intentions don’t erase negative results,” Rose answered with a shrug. “You sure you’re alright?”

“Yeah, I’m fine,” Sam said, flapping a hand dismissively. “I mean, besides that you weren’t supposed to see me, but that’s probably on me anyway.”

Rose laughed. “Yeah, not exactly the best hiding place,” she teased.

“No,” Sam agreed, shaking his head and laughing as well.

“I could pretend I never saw you?” Rose offered.

Sam considered it for a second before shaking his head. “Naw, that wouldn’t work. You know you saw me, and I know you saw me, so all we’d be doing is not talking about it, and that could get awkward fast.”

Rose looked surprised. “You sure?”

“Yeah. Just don’t tell my parents, alright? Or, like. Other humans. This—” He gestured at the all of himself— “is kind of extremely, very much a secret.”

Rose grinned. “Deal.”

Sam grinned back, leaning casually against the carpeted wall behind him.

“So,” Rose said. “What’s your name? I’m Rose.”

Sam blinked. “Wait, what? What’s my name?”

“Yeah. Is that— is that not okay?” Rose looked uncertain, rubbing the back of her head. “Is that too much?”

“No, it’s— seriously, Rose?”

Rose gave him a distressed look, and Sam realized she was absolutely serious.

“Hey, hey, Rose, it’s okay,” Sam said, lifting both hands soothingly and stepping towards her. “I just, I thought you recognized me.”

“Nooo,” Rose said. “I’ve never met, I mean, you’re the first, um. I don’t know anyone your… height.”

“So you really don’t know who I am?”

Rose shook their head.

“Sam,” Sam said.

“Oh, does he know you?” Rose asked. “Are you friends?”

Sam laughed. “No, Rose, you’re as bad as Dr. Doofenshmirtz. I don’t know Sam, I am Sam.”

Rose squinted at him. “No you’re not.”

“What? Yes I am.”

“No, Sam’s much taller than you. I may not be great with faces in unfamiliar contexts, but I do know that much.”

Sam paused for a moment, trying to figure out where they’d talked past each other. “Rose,” he said slowly, “what secret did you think I was asking you to keep?”

“Borrowers exist?” Rose said hesitantly. “… why, what was it really?”

“I’m a sizeshifter.”

Rose processed that. “You’re a sizeshifter.”

“Yep.”

“So borrowers don’t exist?”

“Not to my knowledge, no. Sorry.”

Rose was quiet for a few seconds more. “So, what, you just decided climbing my staircase like a mountain would be more fun than hanging out and watching cartoons?”

“No.” Sam shook his head. “Not even a little bit.”

“Why, then? And if you’re really a sizeshifter and not a borrower, why not sizeshift back to normal and prove it? Is that the right way to say that?”

Sam nodded. “It is. I can’t do it on command.”

“You can’t?”

“I cannot.”

“So you can’t prove that you’re a sizeshifter?”

“Also no. At least, not at the moment.” Sam shrugged. “If you’re willing to wait an unspecified amount of time, I can prove it.”

Rose still looked doubtful. Sam wasn’t sure what else to tell her. Then he had an idea.

“One moment.” He pulled his phone from his pocket and quickly tapped out a text.

“Okay, I didn’t expect borrowers to have tiny tech” Rose admitted.

“Yeah, and I bet you wouldn’t expect a borrower to have your number, either.”

Rose’s hand went to their hip, and then they started patting their pockets and looking around. “I do not have my phone.”

Sam sighed and looked at the ceiling. “Of course not. Did you leave it in the kitchen?”

“Maybe.”

Sam rolled his eyes. “Okay, let’s go find it. Mind giving me a lift? It’s a bit of a commute for someone with short little legs like me.”

Rose gave him a startled look. “What, you mean, like carry you?”

“Well, yeah. How else?”

“I dunno, I just. I didn’t think you’d wanna… you sure?”

Sam nodded. “ Course. I trust you. Just don’t drop me.”

“Okay, well.” Rose started to reach for him, hesitated, and pulled her hand back again. “Have you, um. Have you done this before?”

“I have not.”

Rose nodded. “Right. Me neither.” They still looked hesitant to touch him.

“It’s okay, you don’t have to,” Sam said, moving toward the edge of the step. “I can walk; you might have to wait up a bit though. Or go on ahead.” He leaned over the edge a bit, gauging the distance to the step below. Yeah, that was at least twice his height. Sam shrugged a bit, took two steps back for a running start, and jumped off the stair. Rose yelped.

Sam landed in a pair of cupped palms after far less falling than suited the drop.

“What were you thinking!?” Rose exclaimed. “You can’t just jump off of things! What if you got hurt?”

Sam looked up at her. He had to look pretty much straight up now, since she had lunged forward and her face was now directly above him. Sam shrugged. “I don’t take fall damage?”

“Don’t take— And you didn’t think to mention that first?”

Sam shrugged again, this time using his entire arms in the gesture. “Sorry?”

Rose opened her mouth to say something else, paused with it open, then shook her head and shut it again. She stood up. “Yeah, I’m giving you a ride.”

Sam grinned. “Great!”

Rose rolled her eyes at him.

The trip to the kitchen didn’t take as long as it would have if Sam had walked, but it was longer than if he’d been tall enough to walk normally, because Rose carried him like they had water cupped in their palms and didn’t want to spill it.

When they reached the kitchen, Rose stood just inside the doorway, looking around for their phone. Sam spotted it first. “There!” he said, pointing.

Rose walked over to it, then hesitated, looking down at him again. Sam chuckled, patting her thumb and looking right back up at her. “You can put me down, or you can hold me with just one hand. I’m okay with either.”

Rose nodded, biting her lip in concentration, and shifted him ever-so-delicately into her left hand. With her right, she picked up her phone, unlocked it, and read the text Sam had sent.

“‘How is a borrower trying to impersonate me more believable than me actually being a sizeshifter?’” A beat. “Yeah, okay, I believe you, you’re you.”

Sam grinned. “Great! Would you mind deleting that text, by the way?”

“But it’s my only proof I’m not dreaming or something,” Rose protested.

Sam gestured at the all of himself again, with both hands this time. “Secret,” he reminded them. “What if someone stole your phone data?”

Rose raised an eyebrow. “Do you honestly think this is the weirdest text you’ve sent me? Or even the weirdest text with zero context around it?”

Sam considered that. “Okay, yeah, you’ve got me there,” he admitted.

“So I’m guessing photographic evidence is out?”

“Extremely.”

Rose nodded. “I can live with that. Though you are pretty cute like that.”

Sam laughed happily. “I like to think I’m always cute.”

“You are. But you’re particularly cute when you’re itty bitty.”

Sam grinned, scrunching his eyes up in happiness.

“Itty bitty little Sammy,” Rose continued, patting him gently on the head.

Sam laughed again. “You just like being taller than me for once.”

“I mean, that is nice. But also you are small and cute.”

Sam put the back of his hand under his chin and grinned. “Aww, thanks.”

“You’re welcome!” Rose poked him in the shoulder. “Hey, so. You were going up the stairs when I found you… did you ever make it to the bathroom?”

“No… but I didn’t actually need to go,” Sam said with a shrug. “I just needed an excuse to get out of the room before I shrank.”

“Hm. Okay. Wanna watch more cartoons?”

Sam perked up. “Yeah!”

#original #my writing #gt #cutetinyartist #secret shifter fic tag

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weirdfetishes123 · 3 years ago

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Expansion experiment - deviantart

Today was finally the day. I was going to test the formula that I had been developing for months in front of an audience of my fellow students and professors. I was a graduate student at a prestigious university and have devoted my studies to developing a compound that will make a man’s musculature expand without him having to work out. I believed I had finally figured it out, and had gotten permission to test the muscle-expansion formula in front of an audience of my peers. My test subject was a guy named Dan, he was a couple years younger than me, 23, and had a sweet face with brown hair and warm brown eyes. Dan was about 6’ tall, but he was very skinny and his clothes always hung off his lanky frame. I had even seen him in our university gym a few times trying to lift weights, but his form was terrible and he never got anywhere. We had gotten to know each other a little bit and he had taken an interest in my research. When I asked him if he’d be interested in testing my experimental muscle-growth formula his face lit up and he agreed almost before I had finished speaking. Now I was standing on the stage in the auditorium with my materials wearing a blue button down, khakis, and a purple tie. The room had filled with about twenty professors and eighty students who were all eager to see if my muscle growth formula would actually work. If it transformed him the way I was intending it would revolutionize the fitness industry worldwide, but it all depended on this test. I motioned for Dan to come up on stage. “Are you sure you’re ready for this?” I asked him softly, "This formula is still unproven. “I’ve never been more ready for anything,” the skinny guy replied, “I’m ready to get huge!” And he flexed his skinny arms. “Okay, great!” I smiled at him and out at the audience. “Take off your outer clothes. Dave suddenly looked a little nervous, and his eyes darted around the auditorium, but he took a deep breath and removed his shirt, shoes, and pants. He was left standing only in a pair of blue spandex briefs that I had given him earlier. Even the tight briefs seemed oversized for his skinny body. “Okay, now this is as simple as putting on sunscreen,” I said, and got out a gallon-jug of a white oily substance. I rolled up my sleeves and coated my hands in the cream. “This is the stretch-cream I’ve created,” I explained, “I’m going to coat his skin with it and it will ensure his skin expands safely and evenly as his muscles grow.” I then rubbed the substance all over Dan’s chest, back, arms, and legs, making sure every inch of his skin was covered. I then made Dan coat his hands in the stretch cream and reach into his briefs and get his package and ass thoroughly coated in the substance. He looked shiny, as if he was turning into latex, but the shine on his skin was fading as the stretch cream dried and was absorbed into him. “Okay Dan, you can now put this tank top and gym shorts on,” I said, handing the skinny man some loose athletic clothes. “Now it’s time for the main event!” I said excitedly to the audience, “This man is about to go from a skinny twig to the size of a world champion bodybuilder!” The audience murmured and a few clapped, but most were still skeptical. Many of them clearly thought my research was nonsense, but Dan smiled, “I can’t wait!” he said. I then got out a small glass vial of formula I had been holding in my pocket. Years of labor and research had gone into producing it. If I was right this little vial of liquid was going to pump Dan's muscles up to superhuman size. I handed him the vial, he gulped it down, the whole room waited in tense silence for several seconds. “Oh man, I feel tingly,” Dan said, “I feel it spreading all through my body.” The whole auditorium had gone quiet as if everyone was holding their breath. Then it began.

First, Dan’s chest started to become more three-dimensional, his pecs suddenly taking on some volume and rising up from his flat torso. Then his scrawny arms began to swell as his biceps and triceps morphed from practically non-existent to Olympic weightlifter size. His neck quickly thickened as it became wider than his head . "Look, it's working!" I couldn't help but yell. I was over the moon, my tireless research was actually paying off. "Damn he's hulking out!" Someone from the audience yelled. "Woah I'm getting huge!" Dan said, "This is nuts! I can feel my body pumping up!" Dan's thighs were expanding like muscular tree trunks, and the shorts he was wearing were quickly being stretched to their limit. Even his tank top was now shrink wrapped over his expanding abdominals and melon-sized pecs. Soon we could hear the threads of his clothes start to strain and pop. Suddenly his tank gave up the fight and burst off his superhuman torso, revealing every bulge and crease of his incredibly defined and growing muscles. A couple seconds later his shorts also ripped apart leaving him only in the tiny blue briefs. His ass had swollen up as wide and round and firm as a pair of bowling balls, and it looked like you cold balance a wine glass on top of it. We could also now see what the formula had been doing to Dan's package. His cock and balls were shrink wrapped in the stretchy blue fabric, and had also clearly been affected by his growth. His dick, which I knew had been pretty unremarkable earlier now looked like a 10" python and fat as a Coke can. His balls were bigger than eggs and rapidly approaching the size of tennis balls. I hadn't anticipated this happening to his package, but clearly he wasn't upset with this side effect. I just hoped the stretchy briefs managed to hold on. Dan's body was magnificent, his waist had barely grown since his expansion began, but his chest had literally quadrupled in size. His skin stretched tight over his enormous muscles, and I swear I could have fit my entire hand between his ballooning pecs. His biceps and shoulders were like powerful cannonballs and his arms were almost as thick as my waist. His proportions didn't even look real, he was like a comic book superhero brought to life. I was going to be rich and famous, every man in the world was going to want a body like Dan. “This is awesome!!!” Dan yelled, and a bunch of guys in the audience jumped up and applauded. Bot then as Dan flexed and posed I noticed something strange. His washboard stomach, which was covered in tight bulging abdominal muscles, was suddenly looking a little rounder than it should. Within a couple seconds it almost looked as if he had a roid gut or was a bodybuilder who had taken too much growth hormone. This wasn't supposed to happen. A few seconds later I noticed his ass was swelling up faster and faster, looking disproportionately round and straining the stretchy briefs. Unfortunately I wasn’t the only guy in the room who noticed this new development. “What’s happening to his gut?!” Someone yelled, “He’s getting fatter now!” "Oh no, no, no," I whispered under my breath. Dan’s hands immediately dropped and went to his belly which was now pushing out further than his pecs and was getting rounder by the second. He felt his expanding midsection and looked over at me in panic. “What the hell is happening to me?!!” he yelled. “Shit! I - I - - don’t know!” I stammered. By now Dan was looking like an off-season bodybuilder who had massively overeaten. Every part of his huge body was puffing up and his new muscles were losing their definition. “There’s something wrong with the formula!” “He’s blowing up like a balloon!” Someone yelled. Dan was starting to look like an overblown olympic powerlifter or a champion Sumo wrestler who had just come off an eating binge. His waistline couldn’t have been more than 32” five minutes ago, and now it had to be at least 80” around.

“Help me! Please!” Yelled Dan becoming more and more frantic, but there was nothing I or anyone could do. His abs were now totally gone and his belly had expanded to the size of a yoga ball. His pecs were swelling up as big as ripe watermelons and were starting to push into his chin. I watched as his globular ass expanded rounder and rounder, until his blue briefs were just a straining thong buried deep between his ballooning cheeks. It was like watching bread dough rise. Dan was practically crying, “I don’t want to be a fatass!” “Well, technically it’s not fat,” I said, “The formula was designed to pump up your muscles with a special inert gas, and it must be overproduction of that gas in your body that is causing you to expand like this. So really you’re not getting fatter. You’re inflating with air. People in the audience gasped. “What the hell?!” yelled Dan, “So you’ve turned me into a balloon?!” “We-...�� SNAP! I was cut off my the huge noise Dan’s briefs made as they finally burst off his expanding body. Dan’s torso was far too round for him to see it, but the rest of us now saw his inflated package in full view. His cock had blown up to almost two feet long and wider than a two liter soda bottle. I didn’t know if he was aroused or if it was just the pressure in his body, but his manhood stood straight out and was slapping the underside of his ballooning belly. His nuts were now the size of soccer balls and were throbbing as they grew. “Holy shit his dick is bigger than my leg!” Someone in the audience yelled. By now Dan’s back was starting to round out to match the curve of his enormous belly. His bloated limbs looked like overstuffed sausages and it was becoming impossible for him to move them. I could hear his skin creaking like overstretched latex. “Oh my god the pressure!” Dan yelled. “I feel like I’m gonna blow! Someone help me!” I walked up to the panicked ballooning man and put my hands on his belly, his skin was so tight and I could feel him getting wider and wider as if he was hooked up to a powerful air pump. His huge cock pressed against my stomach and I realized that he was getting taller as he expanded. Dan was at least seven feet tall now and almost that same width. I looked up at Dan as his head began to be fixed in place by his swollen torso, “I coated you with enough stretch cream to put you through a taffy puller. I promise you’re not going to explode into pieces. Now keep calm and take some deep breaths, and everything will be okay soon.” Dan winced but he seemed to calm down a little bit. I realized his feet were no longer touching the ground and he was just resting on the curve of his inflating body. His limbs had puffed up into bloated cones and were becoming shorter and shorter as his body rounded out. Even his hands and fingers puffed up like balloon animals as they filled with air. Dan was now totally round. The skinny young man had been transformed into an 8 ft tall ball of tight inflated flesh. A couple more seconds and his hands and feet were just bloated divots on the sphere while his cock swelled to almost 4 ft long and smacked the lower hemisphere of his body. Then, with one last groan, Dan abruptly stopped expanding. “Phew.” I muttered.The room was in shocked silence. All these guys had just witnessed a man take my formula, then swell up like a bodybuilder before blimping out into a helpless human ball. Dan looked tired, but relieved. He still looked like one more breath could push the pressure too far and burst him, but for now he was in one piece and wasn’t swelling. “W- w- well everyone,” I stammered, “this has certainly been an unforeseen effect of the formula.” “You blew this guy up to within an inch of his life!” Someone in the audience yelled, “He was supposed to look like a bodybuilder not a blimp!” “Clearly I have research still to do,” I said.

"I certainly hope you'll be able to return this young man to his original form," one of the older professors said to me sternly, "otherwise there could be severe issues for your research going forward." He walked up on stage, rubbed Dan’s inflated side, sighed, and walked out of the auditorium. I gulped. The auditorium slowly emptied, with a few guys walking to to touch Dan's inflated body and take notes. He just sat there whimpering or moaning. Finally the room was empty and it was just me and the man I had blown up. “Let’s go big boy,” I said. I rolled Dan’s inflated body down the long wide corridor to my lab, trying to ignore the stares and gasps from my colleagues. Once we were back in the large lab I looked up at him, "So how do you feel?" I asked. "I - I - I feel so b- big," Dan stammered. "Are you in pain?" I asked "No," the ballooned boy relied, "definitely no. I feel pressurized. I feel like if the pressure in me got any stronger I'd burst into a million pieces. But it actually feels… kinda… good. "Feels good?!" I asked. "Y-yea," he replied, "it's like my whole body has a hard-on. My skin is so sensitive. Just feeling your hands rolling me just now made me want to cum." Damn, I would never have expected that. Dan was horrified a few minutes ago, but now it was almost as if he was enjoying the feeling of being gassy and round. "Well I still need to try and deflate you," I said, "is that okay?” "I guess so," Dan muttered in response. For the next hour I tried everything I could think of to get the air out of Dan, but nothing worked. I put hoses in his mouth and ass and tired to suck the gas out, but as soon as he appeared to be shrinking he swelled right back up faster than I could pump the gas out. I even tired getting him to ejaculate the air, and I stroked his huge engorged cock until his round body shook and he started moaning from the pleasure. Then a strong jet of gas came shooting out of his dick. His body was deflating, the pressure in him going down, his skin becoming less tight. I keep stroking him and the gas kept coming out. Within a minute he was back down to almost his original height and no longer perfectly spherical. I was so hopeful. "That's it buddy! Let's get that gas pumped out of you!" I said. Dan just kept morning. But then the jet of air issuing from his cock began to slow. In a few seconds it had stopped entirely, and Dan still looked like an overinflated sumo wrestler. "I feel it coming back." He said. It was almost as if he was taunting me. He was smiling. I realized he was re-inflating, and in another minute he had swollen back up as big and round as he had ever been. "Shit." I said. I realized then that as Dan had blown back up my cock was also expanding. For some reason watching this man inflate like a balloon had me incredibly around again. I stroked Dan's blimped up dick again, "I'm afraid you might be stuck like this," I said. He just moaned and muttered "fuck yeah." Suddenly someone banged on the lab door. I almost jumped out of my skin. I inched the huge laboratory door open and my jaw dropped. It was Brian, the captain of the wrestling team, one of the most muscular and drop-dead gorgeous men I had ever met. He was basically a celebrity on campus, and hundreds of men and women lusted after him. Brian’s broad powerful shoulders and 6’5” frame filled my field of view as did at least 250 pounds of pure muscle. His blonde hair was spiked up and cut into a fade on the sides, and his electric blue eyes pierced into me. “Hey man, whats up,” he said smiling down at me, and he pushed his way past me into the lab. Brian stood in front of Dan’s bloated round body. He ran his hand along the man’s inflated sides, he paced around the distended man as if he was inspecting a racehorse. Then he turned and looked me straight in the eye. “I watched that show you put on earlier. I saw you turn this twerp into a living blimp. I watched as he swelled up bigger and rounder until he was on the edge of bursting. I gulped, “Yeah?” I said, “the experiment didn't go the way I wanted.”

Brian stepped closer to me, his strong arms gripped my shoulders and he leaned in until I could feel his hot breath against my ear. “I think it went perfectly,” he said, “watching this boy blow up was the hottest thing I’ve ever seen. I thought my dick was going to burst through my pants I was so hard.” “Are you serious?” I said. “Totally,” Brian whispered in my ear, I could smell his masculine sweaty odor and sweet cologne all around me. “And I want you to do the same thing to me.” “Wa-what??” I stammered. “You heard me,” Brian said looking me right in the eyes and leaning in so close our noses almost touched. “I want you to blow my body up like a giant human balloon. I want to feel the gas inside of me filling me up, puffing me out, making me expand into the biggest man in history. This is my deepest fantasy and you’re going to make it happen.” I couldn’t believe it, Brian the star athlete wanted to become a blimp. The man who looked like he could have a career as a fitness model wanted to be inflated by me. I had to admit to myself that the idea of Brian blowing up into a helpless balloon made me incredibly horny. I looked up at him straight in the eyes, “Are you sure you really want this???” I gulped, “I may never be able to deflate you down to normal size again.” Brian paused. He put his hands on his hips and looked up at the massive blimp that Dan had become. He was thinking hard. "Once you're blown up it will mean no more life as a wrestling captain, no more athletic scholarship," I said, "No more hard muscular body, no more flexing for all the girls and boys. You'll be a helpless balloon like Dan, and that will be your life from now on." Brian was thinking hard, his eyes darting between me and Dan. Maybe he didn’t realize that I couldn’t just deflate him back to normal. "How does it feel big boy?" He asked, rubbing a hand against Dan's swollen belly. “I feel so goooood!” Dan suddenly said. “You know, fuck it,” Brian said taking a deep breath. “I’m ready to be pumped up huge. And way bigger than this guy. That’s the body I want. It’s what I’ve always truly wanted.” I couldn't believe he was for real. “Okay man, well, take your clothes off so I can rub the stretch cream on you.” Brian then took off his polo shirt and jeans. I realized he had been wearing his spandex wrestling singlet under his clothes. I had seen Brian compete at wrestling matches before but I had never seen him in his singlet this close. His body was unbelievable, every muscle was hyper defined and as muscular as a greek god, and the bulge in the spandex between his legs was almost obscene. It looked like he had equipment that would put most porn stars to shame, I could see every detail of his thick round cockhead through the singlet. “I’m not taking my singlet off,” he said and winked at me. I realized he wanted to stretch the suit as far as it would go. I reached under the tight stretchy fabric of Brian’s singlet to rub the stretch cream on his muscular body. The man was so jacked, the spandex clung to him like a second skin. His muscles felt as hard as smooth warm stones, and I felt them flex and ripple as I rubbed the cream on him. His abs were like cobblestones, his pecs were perfectly round and already stretched his skin tight. I ran my hands over his hard nipples that pointed straight down. I felt myself getting hard as I rubbed every inch of this god-like musclestud, pressing myself into his bubbled ass. “Mmm, feels good man,” Brian said.

I then reached under his singlet from behind to get the stretch cream on his hefty package. His balls were so big, just one of them filled my palm, they were like ripe plums. His cock was even more impressive, I couldn’t even get my hand around it, and it had to be at least 8 inches soft. I could feel it twitch and begin to get chubby as I fondled it and covered it with the serum. I then stepped back and reached behind him to cover the smooth round domes of his ass. It felt like his ass had been carved from warm marble it was so round and firm. I reached between his cheeks and felt them swallow my whole hand, his intense heat radiating against me. Once he was covered I stepped back and looked up at him. He smirked. “You enjoy that?” He asked, looking at the unavoidable bulge in my slacks. I realized his cock was now totally boned up too, and the 11 inch monster was straining the fabric of his singlet. “You’ve got an incredible body.” I said. “I really do,” Said Brian, flexing and lifting his arms into a double bicep pose, “And it’s about to get even more incredible. Blow me the fuck up.” I went over to my desk, grabbed another vial of formula and handed it to him. “You’re sure?” I asked. “I want to be fucking huge!” Brian yelled as he gulped the formula down. Within seconds Brian’s impressive muscles were already becoming bloated and engorged. “This feels amazing!” He yelled, flexing his swelling arms and pecs, “My whole body feels electric!” In seconds Brian’s muscles were superhuman size, his pecs were three times their normal width and were already almost up to his chin. His arms were twice as wide as his waist and his biceps looked as big as soccerballs. His quilted abs were fighting for space to expand on his tiny belly and were stretching his singlet tighter and tighter. The poor suit’s straps were already straining trying to cover Brian’s overblown pecs and monster shoulders. “Fuck yeah!” Brian yelled, “I’m like a titan!” It was true, if the formula had initially pumped Dan up into a bodybuilder it was pumping Brian’s already muscled body up like the hulk. But I knew what was coming next. “I hope you’re ready for the side effects,” I said. The overblown muscle man loomed up over me, his swelling cock tenting the straining fabric of his singlet. “I’ve never been more ready for anything,” Brian said, patting his magnificent abs. Then, like clockwork, Brian’s belly began to puff up under his meaty hand. “Fuck yeah, here we go!” He yelled as his abs gave way to a round roid gut. His limbs were quickly losing their muscular definition as the gas kept pumping all through his body. “I’m really blowing up!” He said laughing, “This feels incredible! I’m gonna be enormous.” Brian was expanding much faster than Dan had. Within a few moments his distended belly was approaching yoga ball size, and he looked more and more like an overblown sumo. Suddenly his singlet burst off of his swelling body with a tremendous snap, leaving the ballooning muscle man totally naked. He wasn't so big yet that he couldn’t walk, but it was becoming more of a waddle. “Well that was bound to happen!” He laughed, patting his enormous gut. Taking a few steps towards Dan he reached around his expanding belly and grabbed his cock, which was now bigger than a fire extinguisher. With some awkward steps around his swelling thighs, Brian rolled Dan forward against a wall so that the first balloon boy’s ass was facing us. “What are you doing?!” Yelled Dan, unable to see what was happening. “Grab me that stretch cream shit!” Yelled Brian. I did what he asked and brought it over. The inflating jock then rubbed more of the cream on his swelling cock and Dan’s ass. I suddenly realized what his plan was as he placed the tip of his engorged manhood against Dan’s hole and braced his hands up on the round boy’s sides. “What are you doing?!” Yelled Dan. Brian just grunted and slammed his inflating cock into the balloon boy’s hole.

Both of them moaned. It was almost like Dan was screaming. I saw Brian’s round expanding belly press and squish against Dan’s rounded side. It sounded like two latex balloons rubbing against each other as Brian plowed Dan. The bulges and curves of their gas-filled bodies pressing into each other, while they bounced and vibrated. “Fuck I can feel your cock blowing up inside of me!” Dan yelled. “Fuck yeah,” Said Brian, “And it’s got so much growing to do still.” By now Brian’s inflating body was making it difficult for him to keep fucking Dan. His Belly was bigger than a yoga ball and was getting more and more difficult to squeeze between Brian and Dan’s side. It was bulging out to the side and fighting for room to expand. His limbs no longer had any muscular definition at all, they just looked like four bloated sausages, and Brian’s inflating pecs were making it more and more difficult for him to turn his head. His cock was still logged deep inside of Dan though, and his balls were approaching the size of watermelons. Brian looked over at me, and I realized he could no longer move his body enough to keep thrusting. “Well don’t just stand there you idiot!” He yelled at me, “Help us!” He then looked down at his own ballooning ass and arched his back as best he could. I knew what I had to do. I walked over to the two balloon men, slowly unbuttoning my shirt, undoing my belt, and stepping out of my slacks. I slid my briefs down revealing my own ample cock and coated it in the skin stretch cream. I heard Brian lick his puffy lips. I then pressed my cock between Brian’s turgid ass cheeks, his soft warm skin as round and firm as two yoga balls. “Do it!” yelled Brian, and I pressed myself as hard as I could against his puffy body as far as I could go. I felt the tip of my cock enter his hot swollen hole. It was incredible. I moaned. I had never felt anything like this before. Brian was so tight, it was like the gas pumping into him was making his ass tighter by the second. I could literally feel him blowing up around me. I began to thrust and push against Brian’s inflating body, with my entire body pressed against his swollen back, my arms wrapped around him as far as I could reach. It was like fucking a huge warm rubber balloon, with every push and thrust he’d squish and bounce back. “Yes! Deeper! Deeper! Pump me up!” Brian yelled. As I fucked and bounced against Brian as he inflated, his engorged cock was still deep inside Dan. Dan was squished up against the wall and every time I thrust into Brian it pushed Brian’s cock deeper into him. I could see Dan’s tight balloon flesh bouncing and vibrating as he was plowed by Brian getting plowed by me. I could only imagine how big Brian’s cock had blown up inside of him. “Yeah you’re fat fuckblimp!” Brian yelled at Dan as their inflated bodies bounced off each other in unison. “You’re just gonna get blown up and fucked stupid forever!” “So are you big boy.” I said to Brian, pushing my cock as far into his inflating ass as I could. “Fuck yeah I am!” Brian yelled, “And I’m gonna be the biggest fuckblimp anyone has ever seen!” By now Brian was almost totally round, his limbs were getting shorter by the second and his hands and feet had puffed up into useless divots. His back had rounded out and his enormous asscheeks were becoming less prominent on his increasingly spherical body. It was actually making fucking him much easier, and I could get my whole cock inside of him without being blocked by his puffy cheeks. But his hole was getting tighter and tighter and I could feel the pressure in him getting higher and higher. Brian was now so huge and round I couldn’t see Dan even if I leaned around, and I realized that Brian was definitely bigger than Dan. He had clearly realized it too. “I’m so much bigger than you now you little blimp runt!” He said, “How’s it feel getting fucked by a man who’s ballooned up bigger than you can ever hope to be?!”

I just heard Dan moan, I knew he was squished between the wall and Brian’s enormous sphere of a body, while the former wrestler’s monster cock was filling him up from the inside. By now I was just fucking the curved wall of Brian’s enormous ball of a body, and he had to be well over ten feet tall. Then, I felt the pressure in him begin to slow, and his skin stopped pushing out against me. The balloon was full. With one last great thrust I pushed into his inflated ass and came. Within seconds Brian was cumming too. The whole enormous balloon shook and vibrated, and I could hear him gasping and moaning. It was like an earthquake inside his huge body. I stood back and suddenly saw Dan blowing up bigger and bigger. He was yelling and basically delirious from the pressure being pumped into him. I was worried Dan was going to explode, the pressure from Brian cumming in him might be too great. I could see Brian shrinking as Dan got wider and taller. Then, with one final surge of growth, it was over. Amazingly both blimp boys were now about the same size, ten feet tall and wide. With some effort I pushed and rolled Brian until his ballooned-up dick was freed from Dan’s ass. His manhood had blown up to about six feet long, two feet thick, and seven feet around. His huge turgid balloon balls were at least four feet in diameter, and still throbbing. Dan just moaned and rolled backwards. "Fuck that was incredible," Brian said, "I just want to be blown up bigger and bigger." "I'm going to keep you nice and huge," I said. “You’re my balloon now.” and I rubbed my hand against his monster cock. "But I don't want to be kept in this back room," Brian said, suddenly defiant "I said I wanted to be a balloon, not your exercise ball. I want you to roll me out of this building into the middle of campus, tie me down, and pump me up with helium until I float like I'm in the Macy's parade. Then everyone will get to see my awesome body." "I can't do that!" I yelled, "I can't bring a naked balloon man out into the middle of campus! The spectacle with Dan in the auditorium earlier was bad enough." Brian stared down at me from the top of the 10 ft ball that was his body. His blue eyes piercing right into me. "You're going to do what I want and here's why," he said, "the surveillance cameras saw me come in here, and there's no way you can sneak me out of here without being seen. If you don't do what I want, next time someone sees me I'll tell them you drugged me, held me hostage, and blew me up against my will. You'll lose your research funding, be kicked out of this university, and probably get arrested. If you do what I want then I'll tell everyone who sees me that you're a scientific genius and letting you inflate me was the best decision I ever made." Fuck. Even now Brian was cocky as hell. I knew he was right, there was no way to hide this, Dan was a nobody but everyone on campus knew Brian. He winked at me. "Okay big boy," I said, "Fine. If you want to be blown up for the world to see, I'll do it." I said, putting my pants back on. "Fuck yeah you will," Brian said. I strapped a helium tank and some ropes into my backpack to bring outside. With that I squeezed Brian’s enormously inflated body through the lab’s oversized doors and rolled the ten foot naked ball down the wide corridor. People stopped and gasped, but I faced forward and pushed Brian out of the building and into the lawn at the center of campus. “Oh my god! He’s blown another guy up!” I heard someone yell. “This one is even bigger than the first!” another added. “Wait?! Is that Brian?! The captain of the wrestling team?!” “He’s the hottest guy in school! And you blew him up like a balloon?!” “That guy’s our teammate! He’s and all star wresteler and now he’s fat as fuck!” “Holy shit! Brian’s dick has swelled up bigger than me!” A crowd was forming around us and I realized I could be in a lot of trouble. Then Brian spoke up.

“Calm down guys! This was my idea! I’m going to be the biggest man in history and get dressed up in uniform and floated above every pep rally and football game this university hosts! I fucking love being blown up! You guys gotta try it!” “He asked you to do this to him?” A suspicious young guy asked me. “He sure did,” I replied, winking, “And I’m happy to make you just as big.” The guy’s eyes got as wide as saucers and he took a step back. I laughed. “Well what the fuck are you waiting for?!” Brian yelled, “I’m supposed to be a balloon so get me off the ground!” With that I tied ropes around Brian’s puffy feet and handed them to a couple of his wrestling teammates who had crowded nearby. I then took the helium tank off my back and hooked up the hoses. The other end I slid into Brian’s distended ass where my cock had been a few minutes earlier. “Are you sure this is a good idea?” One of the wrestlers asked. “Fuck yeah! Now blow me the hell up!” Brian yelled, and I switched on the gas. Within moments Brian was again inflating at a rapid pace. The crowd took a step back as his spherical body grew wider and taller and his head hands and feet seemed to grow smaller and smaller. His cock and balls however kept pace and ballooned up with his body, and soon his dick was bigger and wider than a huge plush sofa. A couple guys actually jumped on it and straddled it as it grew. Brian passed 15 ft, 18 ft, 20 ft, and the gas kept pumping into his ass and he still sat on the ground. Maybe all his earlier muscle mass was holding him down. I could hear him whimpering and groaning as his stretchy flesh strained against the growing pressure. Then gradually, as he passed 25 ft tall, Brian started to lift off the ground. “Holy shit it’s really happening!” The guys straddling his dick said, quickly jumping off as he rose up into the air. I turned off the helium pumping into his ass, and the wrestling teammates holding his ropes slowly let them out until he floated about twenty feet over us. Brian looked like a new planet floating in the middle of campus and his proud cock and balls stood right out from his spherical body. His cockhead and balls were now easily the size of small cars and the skin on them was incredibly tight from the enormous gas pressure in him. From way above us we heard Brian gasp, “Fuck yeah! I’m the biggest balloon in history! I want everyone to see me! And tomorrow blow me up even bigger!” The wrestlers tied Brian’s ropes down, and people walked around the field gawking and taking pictures of the muscular young man who had been transformed into an enormous naked balloon full of helium. I guess he could be pretty popular at games and rallies, as long as they put some stretchy outfit on him to cover up his inflated junk, and he was loving all the attention he was getting. Then I felt a tap on my shoulder. It was one of the other wrestlers who had held the ropes while Brian blew up and floated off the ground. I figured he wanted to punch me for turning his star teammate into a helpless blimp. But he didn’t. “Hey man,” He said, “I saw what you did to Brian, getting him huge and making him fly. And I was wondering… well, could you do that to me?” I suddenly imagined this athlete bursting out of his clothes and swelling up into a sexy man balloon to be rolled, fucked, and floated. I put my hand on his shoulder, “Come back to my lab with me,” I said, and led him into the building.

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gigglewaterart99 · 4 years ago

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Ruby Vs. Kuma

As said in my bio I’m working on a graphic novel, so in addition to being an artist, I write too. I’m not the best but I try. Which is actually why I’m posting this short excerpt from my story. Idk if this is the best way to get feedback or critique but it can’t hurt to try.

I know y’all don’t know much about my story, so here’s the general tl;dr : four high school superheroes (with elemental themed powers) become friends, fight villains, go on adventures, explore their abilities, and have some chaotic fun.

This particular excerpt features Ruby, who has earth powers, and she gets into some trouble. POV shifts twice, from Nightmare to Ruby, and then back to Nightmare at the end, in case anyone is confused. It’s also a bit ?spoilery? but I figure y’all don’t know enough context for it to even matter so eh, here we go.

words: 2411

CW: blood, gore, injury (graphic descriptions)

“Hurry up Heath!”

“Quit worryin’, I’m coming!”

Nightmare lets the door slam behind her as soon as the second Heath brother is through. They made it out of the bank with seconds to spare, and minutes before any law enforcement arrive. Nightmare smiled under her mask, this was too easy.

She spoke too soon.

A flash of blue and orange drops from the sky and lands heavily in the middle of the alley way. The Heath brothers are too stunned to react before two columns of earth rise at blinding speed and knock both brothers into opposite sides of the alley. They slump to the ground out cold, their bags of cash rolling out of their lax grips.

“A bank heist on such a fine Friday evening? What a great start to my weekend!” The little hero exclaims avidly, her chest puffed out and her arms spread wide, a toothy grin the only thing visible on her masked face.

Kuma, who had been ahead of the brothers, turns around at the commotion, “Little brat! I’ve seen you around the city but never up close, until now. I’ve been looking forward to destroying you!”

“Destroy?! Whoa there, I just took out two of your buddies in two seconds flat. No offense but I don’t think you and your…” She turns to look at Nightmare, who was starting to advance, “uh, shadow mask friend are going to be much of a problem. Unless of course you were Flairs.”

“You’ve miscalculated,” Nightmare advances full sprint, “We are.” She vanishes in a flash of black mid-leap and reappears with a dagger extended at the hero, who barely manages to lift a gauntlet in time for the dagger to bounce harmlessly off. Nightmare had to give it to the little hero, she had some sharp reflexes. But she was going to have to be quicker than that to catch her--”GAHK!” Nightmare tumbles out of her shadow jump with the hero in tow, who had grabbed onto her tail with a painful grip.

“Oh, did that huwt your wittle tale?” The hero ducks as Nightmare spins around with the dagger slashing dangerously close. “Woah! Someone needs a chill pill! Here, big guy, why don’t you give your friend a talk!” Pain flashes up Nightmare’s spine as the hero yanks her tail and launches her at Kuma, who had been advancing slowly. But Kuma, the damn brute, does nothing to break Nightmare’s fall and instead swats her to the side.

“Not friends I take it? Acquaintances maybe?” Ruby watches as the masked Flair slumps to the ground.

“I am here for the money, but I am going to enjoy ripping you apart.” Kuma lets out a roar, a roar? As his clothes begin to rip and his form rapidly grows and darkens as if a shadow had suddenly overtaken him. Ruby takes a step back, nervously eyeing his hands as they sprout enormous claws and...fur? Her eyes flick back up to his face, which was no longer bearded and angry, or human for that matter, but was covered in thick black fur and elongated into the long, thick snout of a bear, with a matching set of sharp white fangs.

Ruby was glad her visor was heavily tinted because she could feel her eyes stretch wide in a mixture of astonishment and fear, as the man reared back to his full height, which had gone from something like 6 feet to a dizzying 8 feet. He was, without a doubt, a big black bear. But not a full bear. The proportions weren't quite right, almost like a human wearing an extremely realistic and frightening bear costume.

Ruby had read about Flairs like these. They were called Zoo Flairs*. They had the ability to rearrange their whole physical structure which meant that they could take on the physical prowess of the animal they copied, and could even amplify said abilities. But such power came at a cost; most can only shift into one type of animal.

And this one had to be a big friggin’ bear. Ruby’s muscles tighten as the man-bear lets out a roar and charges. She crouches and leaps over the mass of black. But her flight is cut short as a giant paw wraps its claws around her leg. How the hell did he turn so fast? A body with that much mass shouldn’t be able to--”OOF”.

Ruby’s thought is cut short as she’s slammed into the ground. Before she can even force air back into her lungs, she feels herself lifted into the air again. A moment later she crashes into a wall. Somehow she lands on her feet and her legs, albeit shaky, hold her up. She looks up to see the bear--uh--man-bear charging again. She throws a left hook, sending a chunk of brick wall straight at his ugly snout. Bullseye.

She jumps to the side as the man-bear collides blindly with the wall right where she had been standing, but not before a stray claw can slice through her exposed shoulder. She winces and takes a moment to breathe and glance back at the other goons. The blonde dudes were still out cold but the masked Flair was moving again. Not good. She had to put this man-bear down, quick! Or at least hold out until some backup arrived.

Ruby winces. Vincent was still recovering from a recent fight and in no condition to come to her aid. Laurel was grounded for the weekend and Sam had swim practice today. She’d forgotten she wasn’t going to have backup today and had promised herself only some light patrolling. Nonetheless she felt her stomach drop as she realized the situation was quickly going south.

She whips her head back to the man-bear as he frees his head from the wall with a grunt. He turns to Ruby while giving his big head a shake to free any lingering chunks of brick, although a light dusting of red still clung to his fur.

“What’s the matter, tubby? Too temperamental to fit in with the circus and too ugly for the zoo?”

“GRAAHH!” He charges at her, who advances as well. Before he can take a swing, Ruby drops and slides feet first between his legs, simultaneously digging a heel into the pavement to spin herself around to face his back as she comes out the other side. Using her momentum, she rolls backward, planting her hands on either side of her head and coiling her legs into her body. Satisfied with her hold on a chunk of earth between her and the beast, she releases. Her legs extend up towards the bear, a large chunk of asphalt following the line of her feet and colliding explosively with the man-bear’s face, who had twisted his upper body around to follow her movement.

As debris rains down, Ruby continues her momentum and flips onto her feet, a fist ready for a close body shot. Before she can even brace herself, the man-bear’s paw slams against her chest, smashing her back into the ground and pinning her with a crushing weight. Her head flies back into the pavement with a thud and she silently thanks her brother for the extra thick padding in her helmet.

The man-bear shakes his head and glares down at Ruby, a growl rising from deep inside his chest. Ruby curses under her breath; she’s made a mistake. She let her fear cloud her judgement; she’d let her pride turn into recklessness; she should have known that the asphalt was too crumbly to provide any serious damage, and that getting so close to an enemy with such intense strength and speed was foolish.

She could hear her sister already yelling at her; her eyes pointed with disappointment. “What the hell was that?!” The older girl walked toward Ruby, her head raised high and her movement graceful and powerful. She stands over Ruby, staring down at her with frustrated but tired eyes, “You know you have the upper hand when it comes to battling in such small quarters,” She gestures to the rusted steel walls surrounding them, lined with old pipes and grated catwalks that extended indefinitely into the shadows, “Not to mention we’re on ground level, literally your area of expertise.” She squats down next to Ruby, who’s covered in dirt and grime, and bruises. “So why do you keep making these mistakes?” Ruby looks away, the shame too strong to answer. Her sister sighs, “You’re strong Ruby. And smart, crazy smart, but you let it get to your head, and that’s what's going to get you in trouble, understand?” Ruby nods. Her sister extends a hand, “C’mon, I know you’ve still got a little fight left in ya’.”

The crushing weight on her chest brings Ruby back to reality. She wants to yell out but it’s getting harder to breathe. She tries pounding against the beast’s forearm, but her strength is beginning to weaken as well.

“That’s not going to work, little bug.” The man-bear lets out a rumbling chuckle, or was it a growl? He peels his lips back to expose his big white fangs dripping with drool, “I’m going to--”

Without thinking Ruby slams her elbow into the ground and raises it in a weak punch, sending dirt and grime into the beast’s mouth.

He spits and lets out a deafening roar, “I’M GOING TO TEAR OFF YOUR STUPID ARM!” He wraps his claws around Ruby’s right arm with a painful grip, and pulls. She screams.

There’s not much air left in her lungs but the pain is too much. “STOP!” She kicks her legs out in an empty attempt to connect with something, anything. “NO, PLEASE STOP! YOU -- *GASP*” A loud pop at her shoulder sends pain rolling through her body. Her hand has gone numb.

The beast lets out another grumbling chuckle and continues to pull, slowly. Ruby can feel the tendons and muscles in her shoulder weakening and ripping. She couldn’t think straight anymore, panic flooding her brain. She began pounding with her left hand at the hairy arm pinning her. Her fist hit so hard that it recoiled back hard enough to hit the ground and her brain cleared just enough for her to realize that the shock of the impact allowed her to get a feeling for the composition of the ground just beneath her hand. It was solid and surrounding something even harder: a stray piece of rebar. She had an idea. It was crazy, but considering her right arm was about to get ripped off, crazy was all she had.

She pushed her fist against the ground and willed the earth to slide up into her hand, carrying with it the piece of rebar. Without hesitation she plunged the rebar reinforced shaft of earth deep into the beast’s forearm. He let out a roar but Ruby almost didn’t hear it amongst all of the adrenaline inducing white noise in her head. She could just see the tip of the rebar poking out the other side of his arm. She gave another push and her hand slipped into the wound.

The man-bear still hadn’t released her arm, so she wasn’t going to release his. Using the last bit of her strength she grabbed onto what felt like a stiff bundle of muscles, and squeezed. They popped; blood gushed out of the wound. He roared again and finally let go of her arm. He lifted his wounded arm as well but Ruby had latched onto another group of muscles. The beast growled and shook his arm, throwing Ruby off like she was nothing but a pesky bug.

She landed with a thud, the little air she managed to get back into her lungs knocked out again. She lay for a moment gasping, trying to focus her eyes as pain ran through her body. Despite everything, she was just happy she didn’t lose an arm. But the relief didn’t last long as she heard the man-beast walking back towards her. She managed to raise her head just enough to watch him approach, grasping his bleeding forearm. The rebar was gone which meant he pulled it out.

He stops beside her and glares down with a hmph. She’s reminded again of her sister, which is odd because her sister never tried to kill her, unlike this beast who fully intended to. Ruby is too weak to scramble out of the way as he reaches down and collects both of her arms into his one good hand and lifts her into the air.

Ruby can’t remember if she screamed or not, only that she was fighting to stay conscious from the flood of pain. He lifts her to eye level and she manages to focus her eyes as he lets out a rumbling growl, “I’m going to kill you.” She believed him.

He pulls back his arm, despite being injured and not 100% functioning, Ruby had no doubt those 4 inch long claws could slice into her like butter.

“Kuma STOP!” He pauses and turns to look past Ruby. She can’t turn her head but she recognizes the female voice, it’s the masked shadow Flair. “We don’t have time for this!” He frowns and pulls back his lips into a sinister sneer. But the masked Flair continues, “Listen! The cops are almost here and you’re making too much noise! We have to leave now!”

The man-beast, Kuma as the other Flair had called him, pauses and turns his head, his ears pricking up at the faint sound of sirens. Darkness was closing in on the edges of her mind but Ruby could hear the sirens too, and she realizes that although this fight felt like it was lasting an eternity, in reality it had only been a couple minutes, if even that.

Kuma lets out a low, dangerous growl as he turns back to Nightmare, “Fine.” With one swift move he launches the barely conscious hero into the far corner of the alley, where she collides with and disappears behind a large pile of trash bags.

Nightmare turns to Kuma with a frown, “C’mon, grab those two, I’ll get the bags.” She slings them over her shoulders as Kuma heaves the Heath brothers under each arm. Nightmare steps forward and wraps her tail around the arm of the younger brother, “Ok, hold on.” And with a puff of black smoke, they’re gone.

#my writing #i am: hero #Ruby Sandz #Nightmare #Kuma

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marquis-de-all-the-knives · 4 years ago

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#UR NOT A TUMBLR TROGLODYTE I CHNAGED THE REBLOG BC I M DUMB I PULLED OUT MY DYNAMICS NOTS IM GONNA FIGURE THIS OUT#how did you avoid the differential equations🥺#what the fuck🥺🥺🥺🥺#okay i literally pulled out my dynamics text book and shit and did my research#fort galfridian whoever she is is fucking weird but like#okay ASSUMING the tube sun is DENSE ENOUGH that the cylinders rotate around it to simulate gravity#or wait do the cylinders rotate themselves?#because it depends what your center of rotation is#if it’s the sun!!!!#then yes congrats you have gravity#the thing is that each cylinder is a different distance from the tube sun#they’d all rotate at increasing velocities proportional to the increase in distance from the tube sun#so to keep THEM ALL going at gravity#each outer layer would get faster (think like how planets do the same thing as they’re further from our sun)#but their orbits (in this case the diameter of the cylinder) are longer as well#they could just let gravity decrease the further out you get from the tube sun#okay like but the sun is only 12.5 miles away from them?????? how do they not die?????#okay back to the main point#I THINK??????#if the next layer is moving at a velocity that allows them to also keep gravity constant#you would not notice the difference because typically as you get further from the center of rotation (ASSUMING ITS THE TUBE SUN???)#then you’d just get floaty#but if the next layer is still going fast enough to have gravity (that 9.81 m^2/s we know and love) then the only scary part i could see#is the transtion from one layer to another#im not sure what that’d look like though and it could be avoided by just having a 0 gravity transtion room between layers#well actually no the transition wouldnt be scary because you’re also rotating and so you’re frame of reference is not stationary#so tl;dr#each layer goes fast as FUCK and since you’re in one layer going fast as FUCK you won’t actually notice the change too much between layers#if the other layers don’t spin tho???#DO NOT STICK YOUR HAND OUT OMG SAY GOODBYE TO YOUR HAND YOU’RE RIGHT

okie i’m gonna move this into its own post @crychanwastaken and i’ll tag #fort galfridian math for anyone who’s lost interest at this point. and first of all i want to salute you for digging out old textbooks for this discussion. like, bravo, that is AWESOME.

(i did not avoid differential equations — i avoided the one class that was exclusively about differential equations and would’ve gone way more in depth than a standard calc class. ANYWAY—)

okie so @thedreadvampy’s original post covered this but it was hidden under a readmore so here’s the basic idea:

two suns! one real, one fake. (fluorescent, according to the canon. the canon = High Noon over Camelot, an album by The Mechanisms.) nothing on the station is big enough to provide significant gravity, so everything is coming from the rotation. so yeah, you are absolutely right about the “gravity” varying with distance! by my calculations, if the innermost layer is radius 12.5 miles and the outermost 15 miles, you’ll only be going from 1 gee to about 1.2 gee. I have... no frame of reference for how wacky that would feel. but like, imagine suddenly gaining an extra 20% of your body weight. i feel like you’d at least NOTICE.

i did not even think of concentrically rotating cylinders for consistent gravity! i don’t have any impression that that was intended by the source material, as characters seem to navigate between the layers pretty much on foot and unrestricted. but it’s a fun idea to play with!

a summary of what we know about the station from canon: https://marquis-de-all-the-knives.tumblr.com/post/624472261126193152/all-references-to-the-structure-workings-orbit and also some extra context from the band artist here: https://thedreadvampy.tumblr.com/post/624542261472002048/a-round-boy-the-pylons-hold-up-the-sun-which-is and an illustration of the outside of the station here: https://twitter.com/windhounded/status/1286777579396108289 (by one of the bandmates)

I took a slight liberty in the diagram above by putting Fort Galfridian's axis of rotation perpendicular to the plane of its orbit. The tarot card art makes it look like the axis points along the radius of revolution, but I think it would get more even heating this way so that's how I've been imagining it.

#fort galfridian math #i hope it was ok to keep tagging you @thedreadvampy but you seem interested!#anyway I'm glad there are other people on here excited about this!#fort galfridian #high noon over camelot #the mechanisms #long post

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almasexya · 4 years ago

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How to Care for Your Monster (Frankenstein Conquers the World, 1965)

Well desktop tumblr decided it didn't feel like working for me so I have to bang this out on the app - as a result, it's going to be quick and dirty.

Frankenstein Conquers the World is a movie in which there is indeed a Frankenstein (a word which you will grow to love hearing the Japanese actors wrestle with) but really not any world conquering to speak of. In a catalogue that includes Godzilla vs. Hedorah and whatever the fuck Jet Jaguar is doing, Frankenstein is undoubtedly one of Toho's weirdest movies, a kaiju thriller starring a guy in Karloff-esque Frankenstein makeup who just can't stop growing until he reaches Godzilla proportions.

Frankenstein was actually slated to fight Godzilla in the early treatments for what would become King Kong vs. Godzilla, but in the end it was decided that the big ape was a better box office draw (hence why Kong inexplicably gets lightning powers at the end of the film), though Toho kept holding on to Frankenstein until they found something to do with him.

Now we all know the premise is ridiculous, that's why we're here, and the film delivers absurdity in spades, starting with pantomiming nazis delivering a bizarre, beating heart to the Japanese at the tail end of WWII, where it ends up taken to a military hospital for study, ostensibly to create immortal soldiers.

Unfortunately for the Japanese, the hospital in question is in Hiroshima, and the entire facility is wiped off the map in a genuinely frightening sequence of the a-bomb being dropped. The film then picks up years later, with a trio of doctors working in the now rebuilt city. The film primarily centers of doctors Sueko Togami (Kumi Mizuno) and James Bowen (Nick Adams, in his first of two Toho performances before his untimely death) who stumble upon a strange feral child on the city and attempt to care for it.

The child is of course the monster, having built itself a body somehow, and what a body it is. There's something really unnerving about just slapping a frankenstein forehead and big eyelids on a kid like that, and having watched this twice now it still gives me the creeps.

The plot then shifts into gear, as Frankenstein outgrows any way the scientists can hold him, and eventually escapes, running into the wilderness to go do Frankenstein things in kaiju sized proportions.

Intermixed with scenes of the scientists trying to find the monster are scenes of an unidentified Something causing trouble in the region - an earthquake at an oil rig ends with a shot of something vaguely reptilian lurking under ground, and before long the creature has emerged, stomping on farmhouses and generally terrorizing the countryside.

This is our second monster, put in I assume because Frankenstein needed something to fight. Christened "Baragon" seemingly out of thin air, this guy is a real treat and the main reason I derive most of the enjoyment I do from this film, which is honestly not a lot.

As a kaiju, Frankenstein doesn't impress a ton, as in the end he's a guy in makeup, though his big prosthetic teeth make him a bit more monstrous, and unlike the guy in the big rubber suit, he's able to leap and roll around at speeds that remove a lot of the weight and heft that make kaiju so memorable. Baragon, in contrast, is almost a little too cute, with big floppy ears that stand out like frills when he roars, a glowing horn, and a pair of big expressive eyes. I love Baragon, and you will too.

Look at this guy! Don't you want to just give him a hug?

So anyway they fight, because it's a kaiju movie and you can't just not have a big monster fight. Baragon's rampages have been blamed on Frankenstein, so the monster has a bit of a personal stake, though it's honestly debatable if Frankenstein has the mental capacity to really understand anything that's going on, as he basically just spends the movie grunting for food and running from things.

After Frankenstein brutally murders poor Baragon by literally breaking his neck (Baragon would suffer an equally terrible fate in 2001, but at least Destroy All Monsters leaves him alone), Frankenstein just kind of falls into the earth and out of the canon for good (at least until a later film brought him back in a fashion).

There does exist an alternate ending, where after Baragon's death a giant octopus shows up out of nowhere, gets into a fight with Frankenstein, and then both monsters fall into the sea, but nothing in the plot actually changes and it was wisely never included in the theatrical release.

What really stands out in this movie is how close it is to WWII and the bombing of Hiroshima. Frankenstein's bizarre growth is a direct result of getting the atom bomb dropped on it, and this time we get to see it happen. Aside from the literal 1945 prologue there are numerous references to the war and the nazis, and the child Frankenstein is initially thought to be a feral orphan of the sort that roamed many Japanese cities in the years following the war. Just under the surface of the film's absurdity is very real commentary, though unlike the original Godzilla, it feels more like set dressing, and it never really goes anywhere substantial.

Is Frankenstein worth your time? For Baragon, yeah I'd say so. He's a great and criminally underused kaiju, and it's fun to see where he came from. It's hard to get excited about Frankenstein, especially in this day and age when the character has been in so many shitty adaptations, but a big lizard whose power is burrowing and then inexplicably jumping real fast? That I can get behind.

#monster monday #frankenstein conquers the world

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queenkaneko · 6 years ago

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Outlaws

Pairing: Colt Kaneko x MC (Anya)

Word Count: 1663

Rating: PG, mild swearing

A/N: This is my first whack at Colt or any writing for the Choices fandom. I hope y’all like it! Also, I’m sorry in advance. No one kill me please. Colt and Anya decide to run off to Miami on their own, but something isn’t quite right. Just something I got into my head and had to write down.

“So, let’s keep driving.” Colt said, his eyes searching Anya’s face. She can see that he means it. “We can go anywhere. Just say the word and I’ll start the engine.” His voice was slightly unsteady with emotion and as Anya’s cocoa brown eyes gazed into his, all she wanted to do was run away with him. The son of a crime lord who’d pushed every button she had from the day she met him. Her mind raced as she tried to focus with his hands still running along the bare skin of her back under her shirt. How had she gotten here? If her mother was alive, this would probably kill her. But ever since they’d lost her, there’d been something missing in Anya’s life, something that even her dad couldn’t fill. She wanted to be understood. And Colt did understand her. All his faults, all the hurtful things he’d said to her in the past, they didn’t seem like such a big deal when he looked at her like that. Like she could ask him for the world, and he’d throw it at her feet, everyone else be damned. Anya had finally found someone who respected her, put her first, saw her worth.

With only a moment’s hesitation, Anya gripped the lapels of his leather jacket with a wicked grin. “Miami.” Was all she said before leaning in to kiss him hard one last time before sliding back into the passenger seat of her Panther. Colt didn’t even hesitate as he threw the car back into gear and took her hand in his, squeezing it once. Minutes later, the two of them were driving across I-10 to the other side of the country.

They settled in Miami and laid low for a few weeks, getting a cheap rundown studio apartment to sleep in and not much else. Anya made the decision to start racing for money and Colt usually rode shotgun with her instead of racing his bike so he could be her extra eyes on the road. And soon, the two had made enough for a bigger, better place. Anya was in the bedroom she shared with Colt, changing into jean shorts and a purple tank top for the race she was headed to. Arms wrapped around her from behind as she touched up her makeup in the mirror of her vanity and she smiled wide at Colt in the mirror. “Ready to raise some hell tonight?” She asked, turning to kiss his cheek before stepping out of his arms to finish getting ready.

Colt watched with a smirk as she sat on their bed to lace up her favorite boots, a pair he’d bought her shortly after moving to Miami. “I’m not the one driving your boat of a car.” He jested flopping on his back on the bed next to her. “I’m thinking we can make at least $2,500 tonight even if you barely try. Street racing in Miami is almost pathetic.” It was true, they’d done well for themselves since moving here. Shockingly well, really. Anya still felt like she was waiting for the other shoe to drop. She’d been careful not to draw too much attention to them, to avoid attracting police investigations, and there had been more than a few close calls with the law for the pair.

Anya wished she could say it scared her, but ever since escaping the house party with Logan and running from the cops, she couldn’t deny the rush of adrenaline it gave her to challenge herself with such high stakes. Once her boots were tied, she turned over and laid her stomach to look at Colt, propping herself up on her elbows. Her expression turned contemplative for a moment as she looked at him. “That depends. You riding with me tonight or are you going to make me kick your motorcycle-driving ass again?” Anya smirked, her voice taking on a teasing tone and her gaze turning affectionate. One of the things she loved most about Colt was their banter. If she was honest, she’d always secretly enjoyed it, even the night they met at the sideshow back in LA. He saw her worth the day he met her, but he pushed her to see it because he knew ultimately that was what mattered. Sure, he could’ve been nicer about it, but Anya gave as good as she got. Instead of responding, Colt sat up on one elbow and placed his free hand on her neck, pulling her to him and kissing her deeply. “C’mon, let’s go show Miami who runs the streets.” He smirked at her before getting up and leading her out to the car.

Thirty minutes later, Anya was pulling her car up to the starting line next to half a dozen other drivers. The man in the car on her right leered at her until Colt looked over at him with a raised eyebrow and the man turned away. Anya smirked as she signaled to her boyfriend to start unscrewing the bottle of NOS under his seat while her finger hovered over the button. Familiar adrenaline coursed through her as she watched the coordinator wave the flag and she floored it. As soon as she had a safe lead on them, she pressed the button and launched the two of them out in front by a full car-length, then three. The laugh that bubbled out of her chest as she held the wheel steady was completely involuntary. Colt rolled his eyes at this, but he was smiling warmly at her as he braced himself with the handlebar. “You’re almost a scary kind of crazy behind the wheel, you know that Ani?” He joked, glancing at the speedometer and seeing it fall back to a more normal speed. The nearest car was now almost a quarter lap behind them as Anya drifted her car through the first turn just as the NOS fully wore off. This was going to be a cakewalk.

Or so she thought. As she and Colt rounded the last turn before reaching the finish line back in the industrial park, they saw red and blue lights flashing from a distance. “Shit. This has to be a joke.” Anya muttered in frustration. “I was about to WIN, dammit!” She hit the steering wheel once, then whipped the car into an alley, retracing a complicated path out of the maze of warehouses back to the main streets. Thankfully, it didn’t look like anyone followed them out. Probably because the other half dozen racers couldn’t turn around quick enough and had kept the police occupied. Once she was sure she’d doubled back enough to lose anyone following them, Anya headed for the coast. It was their post-race tradition to go skinny dipping in the nearest body of water. Colt stayed quiet most of the ride, which worried her. Something suddenly felt wrong, like her world was fading around the edges, then it passed, and she parked the car along the seawall. It was late and the beach was abandoned, Anya looked over at Colt as she put her hand on the door and noticed he wasn’t moving to get out with her. “Colt…?” She called to him softly, and he turned to face her with a heartbreakingly familiar expression that was equal parts affection and fear.

When he spoke, his tone was eerily familiar as well. “You’re my driver forever. You know that, right Ani?” A weight seemed to settle on Anya’s chest. Something wasn’t right. Those words, the way he looked at her, it was too familiar. Memories started rushing back as she struggled to breathe and her world suddenly went blurry, then completely black. All at once, her eyes shot open and Anya sat up clutching her chest. Instinctively, she reached out beside her for Colt only for reality to crash down on her like a tidal wave. It was a dream. She was at Riya’s. It had been two weeks since she’d seen the boy she hated to love. Since his crazy plan had blown up in every possible way. Some literally, she internally cringed as the memory of Kaneko’s death washed over her again. It broke her in more ways that she had words for that Colt was grieving everything he’d ever loved alone. That Logan was on his own again when it was so clear that he needed and wanted a real home. Anya had no idea where Mona would end up, and didn’t expect to find out, she only hoped her unlikely friend and street-fashion mentor was safe from the Brotherhood. Wherever Toby and Ximena ended up, she knew they’d most likely be okay. They were the two she worried about the least. But Colt… Colt had been the wrench in the gears of Anya’s life since she’d met him and these days it seemed he was all she could think about. Sometimes it was because she missed him and sometimes it was because she wanted to throttle him.

This wasn’t what she’d been thinking that day at the bluffs. He’d taken her idea and blown it so far out of proportion it brought him and everyone else down. Anya wasn’t angry about the kidnapping, not anymore. She was angry he’d made her feel like his partner one moment, promising her all of L.A only to keep her out of the loop on a plan that jeopardized her safety and everyone else in the crew. Prom was only days away now and Anya could already feel the dread building in her stomach. If Riya hadn’t begged and guilt tripped her for a day and a half, Anya would’ve cancelled. Dancing reminded her of Colt, even if it was cheesy prom music. With a frustrated groan, Anya shoved all those thoughts from her mind and rolled over into her pillows and somehow managed to get a few more hours of sleep despite the giant hole she felt deep inside.

#choices rod #choices #rod #colt #colt kaneko #colt x mc #colt kaneko x mc #choices fanfiction #playchoices

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selectiveb12reuptakeinhibit-blog · 5 years ago

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here’s some peak, antiblack idiocy from @vampiregirl2345:

I used to be homeless. I still wouldnt have eaten vegan food because it makes me sick (ive tried). And vegan food is always low in calories, if you want to eat healthy, and cheap meals are always high in carbs (beans and legumes are a staple). And vegan food is full of common triggers for allergies and sensitivities (see the afore mentioned soy and nuts). Also malnutrition is a big concern for homeless people already, and vegan food is notorious for being low in essential nutrients you can also get from animal protein. I dont hate vegans. I just hate when they exploit a situation to force their diet on others.

vegan food is not from another planet. vegan food is just plants. omnivores by definition consume a lot of plants in their diets. homeless people all spontaneously combust if they eat a vegetable? all plants make you sick? rice and beans with some veg on the side and a bit of fruit for after would make you sick? you subsist entirely on meat? if all you ate was meat, you would be dead. so like, don’t lie. I’m sure you’ve got some sensitivities but this is nothing short of hyperbolic and intellectually disingenuous, never mind biologically impossible.

look, food allergies and sensitivities exist, but the proportion of them in the population is low, vegan food doesn’t all somehow contain soy and nuts (you like to act like it does though), and animal products aren’t some mystical fucking super nectar perfect for all and sundry. lactose intolerance is widespread. some people are allergic to one kind of meat, others are allergic to several kinds of meat. other people aren’t allergic but animal proteins tend to upset their stomachs. there’s a whole range of conditions you could cite as an example. but you people are never out here lambasting “food for the homeless” efforts which contain animal protein, despite allergies and sensitivities to animal products being a thing. why is that, I wonder? why are you silent on that? it’s because you have an agenda and/or a bias, and it’s fucking plain as day. why do you sleep when only animal product-based options are offered? you don’t write angry posts saying that omnivores are forcing their dietary preferences on people if they do that. hmmmmm

vegan food is not always low in calories. this is just plain factually incorrect. vegan food can be very high in calories or very low in calories. it’s very easy to be an overweight vegan.

do you realize that veganism is not a specific diet but a set of ethical beliefs..? I’m not recommending all of these things, or saying they’re good, but I’m bringing them up to show vegan itself isn’t a diet, and demonstrate the variety of ways you can eat while being plant-based, good and bad. you can be an underweight vegan, you can be an obese vegan. you can eat high calorie while vegan or low calorie while vegan. you can be a vegan with an eating disorder, or a health nut vegan, or a vegan who eats mostly processed foods, takeout and junk food. you can be a vegan eating less calories than you need in order to meet weight loss goals, you can be a vegan athlete or a vegan bodybuilder. you can do vegan keto, or be raw vegan, or be whole-foods-plant-based vegan, or low carb high fat vegan, or low fat high carb vegan, or gluten-free vegan, or celiac, or do bulk eating, or be diabetic, or any one of a number of things. vegan itself is not a specific diet. it’s possible to eat a very healthy, balanced vegan diet or a very unhealthy vegan diet.

you’re out here pretending like vegan food is just salads and vegetables - but somehow also all very strange and esoteric vegetable species, which are super bad for the human body - and that even just the sight of a vegetable or other plant-based foodstuff is enough to make thousands of people in a ten mile radius come out in hives or some shit.

a healthy vegan diet includes low calorie and high calorie foodstuffs.

carbs - are - not - bad. the - human - body - needs - carbs. please learn some basic fucking nutrition, honestly, this is ridiculous.

beans are primarily proteins.

vegan food is not notorious for being low in essential nutrients, you can get almost every nutrient you need from a vegan diet. literally entire associations of dietary experts disagree with you.

I mean your post doesn’t even make sense with the claims it contains. let’s examine them. first you say vegan food is always low in calories, then you provide examples of staples - in your own words - beans and legumes, which are not low in calories. you say cheap meals are always high in carbs, and cite beans, but beans are primarily proteins. you say vegan food is all full of soy and nuts, but the common staple examples you cite - beans and legumes - do not contain soy and nuts, and neither do the sorts of low-calorie, healthy foods you’re thinking of (salads). you say vegan food is low calorie, then you mention nuts, which are notoriously high-calorie and nutrient dense while also being small in terms of bulk and not very filling. you claim vegan food is low in essential nutrients, but don’t even provide any specific examples. you act like carbs are evil.

honestly, I’m sorry, but you just plain don’t know anything about food, or basic principles of biology and nutrition. your post is so woefully misinformed. it’s also nonsensical and very self-contradictory.

anyway, this young man isn’t exploiting a situation to force his diet on others, he is taking real action to help people and feed the homeless. this is a charitable act and he should be commended. he’s setting an example, it’s compassion, we should all strive to be more like him. white anti-vegans, shut the fuck up, don’t you dare come for this young black hero.

edit:

That hes probably feeding some people their allergens? That hes probably feeding some people stuff that give them horrible stomach aches and headaches? That vegan food is too low in calories and too high in carbs, so someone with a high calorie requirement or diabetes might be getting a raw deal? That PETA, known for its kill shelters and sexism, endorsed him? You bet im complaining.

oh my god... please... read a book on nutrition... I mean good lord

if something is high in carbs, it’s also likely high in calories. Make up your fucking mind lmao, your nutritional and medical claims aren’t even fucking coherent at this point.

#veganism #vegan #vampiregirl2345 #anti-vegan #antivegan

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heartists · 5 years ago

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ursula’s plastic surgery transformation revised and extended.

so a while ago i did a post on the plastic surgery procedures that ursula would get done after she gets out of jail, and how much it would all cost. and then i thought, well, since kylie jenner spent $2 million on HER plastic surgery, isn’t $128,900 a little……underwhelming? can’t the derosiers be so much more extra? and then i remembered i had her undergo a magical transformation as well as a scientific one. and thus, this post was born.

i want to start off by saying by conventional beauty standards, ursula is fairly unattractive. i here, you can see for yourself. she has smallish, beady eyes with her left eye spaced further away from her nose than her right; they are bright in color (pink) but dull in expression. she has a very flat face with a flat nose and a weak chin, and her profile lacks all definition. her hair is thin and stringy--it takes all the hair gel in the world to get it to curl. her lips are thin, her mouth is rather wide, and she has off-white teeth. and i know i drew her eyebrows thick in that picture but tbh i decided to make them thinner--they’re not very defined and almost disappear into her face. in addition, her body is more of an oval/apple shape than the hourglass shape she desires--small breasts, flat v-shaped butt, gains more weight in the midsection. she’s very skinny--thanks to her dieting her BMI is in fact somewhat underweight--but the fat distribution around her middle makes her look heavier than she actually is. ursula’s features improve with makeup, but still, she’s not as attractive as a typical celebrity. she knows this, and it hurts.

all of these things have caused both ursula and her mother great pains. ursula more or less constantly fixates on the fact that she takes after her ugly father and is drastically less attractive than her mother, who is renowned in china and in the west for her beauty and grace. part of why she wants to get plastic surgery so badly is because she wants to be as beautiful as her mother in the eyes of the world, or even one-up her. the other part of why she wants to get surgery is because lila herself has been pushing her toward it: she’s ashamed of having such an ugly daughter, and wants to “fix” her to look better. ursula expected her entire life to be given surgery, but lila wanted to go even further.

enter the world of transformation.

yes, every surgery is a transformation, but i’m talking about magical transformation--the type that one could only dream about in fairytales. surgery can only go so far in terms of changing a person’s features--often the changes are subtle, working around and enhancing what a person already has in order to make them look “better.” but with magical transformation, you can go further. in the real world, a stick-thin woman will never have the figure of nicki minaj even with the best butt augmentation, but with magical transformation in the pokémon world, she absolutely can. in the real world, a dark-skinned person will never be able to bleach their skin fully white, nor can a light-skinned person don a permanent tan, but with magical transformation, this is also entirely possible. on top of that, magical transformation is often known for producing, on average, better results than surgery: it relies on regrowing and reshaping natural features, working entirely with what the body has to offer rather than pesky infection-causing implants. and finally, magical transformation does what no amount of human surgery or other science can: it can also modify the body’s functioning (such as where fat is distributed) so that the results stay the same throughout time. for example, if you want to do some lipo on your waist, magical transformation modifies the fat cells and even the metabolism so the fat will never go back on your stomach.

why isn’t everyone using it? well, the thing with magical transformation is, it’s extremely rare and extremely expensive. there are only a select few people on the planet, vessels of arceus--less than one ten thousandth of one percent of the population--who can learn the techniques required to perform such magical operations. and of those select few, the vast majority refuse to perform cosmetic magical transformations either on moral grounds or because they simply weren’t interested in learning it. of the ~5,000 or so arceus vessels alive today, only sixteen of them worldwide are both able and willing to do cosmetic magical transformations: two in galar, four in america, seven in south korea, and three in china. this scarcity means that they can charge whatever price for their services they want. this further means that, instead of a paltry $128,900, ursula’s family had to fork over $25 million in order to give her the makeover of her and her mother’s dreams.

some of that came out of taxpayer dollars.

on top of the changes that i have listed in this post, the following changes were also made:

fat distribution change so that when she gains weight, most of it goes to the boobs and butt.

tooth whitening.

chin enhancement, to balance out the face.

eyebrow thickening and reshaping.

height adjustment--went from 5′1″ to 5′10″.

eyelash lengthening.

skin tanning.

hair thickening and texture change to make it naturally curly and thicker.

note that any implant changes are instead made by magically inducing the body to grow in those specific places.

ye a h, she got a lot done.

this was supposed to be her fairytale, her perfect moment of transformation that would change her life permanently for the better. but problems dogged the procedure and its aftermath, to the point that most people wouldn’t do them. for one thing, lila wanted a very different result from ursula. ursula agreed to get her face modified in the way that lila had constantly told her she needed to: bigger eyes, a more high-bridged nose, a more defined profile, fuller lips. but lila wanted to give her a more streamlined hourglass figure and wanted to keep her pale, whereas ursula wanted a strong tan, DD boobs and a christina hendricks ass. when ursula protested, lila said that she was the one paying for the transformation, so she could get to change her daughter’s body in any way she pleased. but ursula secretly cut a magical deal with her surgeon that if he disobeyed lila and gave her the body she wanted, he would get half of her earnings from contests, music and modeling for the rest of her life. his greedy ass of course disobeyed, and ursula walked out of that room looking exactly the way she wanted to--and there was nothing her mother could do to stop it.

there was still more trouble to come. instead of obsessively counting calories and whining about how she “had to” restrict her eating to the blandest foods, ursula began to pig out on whatever she wanted to eat--knowing she was magically enchanted to have all the weight go to her boobs and ass. but given that she was enchanted to look like that instead of naturally looking like that, there were…problems. the way the weight distributes on her body is not natural at all, and so when she gains weight it looks unnerving to a trained eye rather than pleasing. in particular, she likes big booty but not big legs, but doesn’t seem to understand that if you have a big booty you will also have the legs to match. so when she gains weight, it makes her ass look even more disproportional to her smaller thighs and especially to her tiny calves. she has thousands more instagram followers now that she’s transformed, but many people have also pointed out that it’s fairly obvious how fake she looks. there are other unnatural aspects to her appearance as well: her eyes are slightly larger than a normal human eye to create that uwu uwu animu look, and even though they now have an alluring sparkle to them that wasn’t there before, they can be unnerving rather than charming. there is an illusion over her nose to make it look impossibly thin. her tan looks a bit like a spray tan. and her eyelashes--they look like she has fake eyelashes on, they’re way longer than a normal human’s eyelashes would ever be. her lips are too big for her to talk with comfortably, so her voice changes for the first several months to something really derpy- and pinched-sounding. oh, and did i forget to mention she started to have health problems when she started eating whatever the fuck she wants? she got prediabetes, which i have also had when i went through the phase when i ate whatever the fuck i wanted. don’t do it, kids. it’s not worth it.

people have put her on blast for promoting an unrealistic body image, because her proportions are literally impossible for a natural human to attain. but in her eyes, the criticism she gets from the outside world pales in comparison to the criticism she has from her mother. lila, who had been banking on the transformation to finally give her the ideal daughter she had always dreamed of, was disappointed by her child yet again. the more ursula flaunts her unnatural face and figure, the more disapproving and distant lila grows from her--speaking to her only to criticize her appearance, heaping hate for it on her even higher than she did before the transformation took place. literally as soon as ursula stepped out of the operating room, lila demanded that he take her back in there and redo according to her specifications, or else she’d sue him--but she couldn’t sue him, because he’d already made an irreversible magical deal with his patient. ursula literally wouldn’t have cared less that so many people thought she was still ugly because in her own eyes she had finally grown beautiful, if not for the fact that her mother--from whom she had unhealthily sought approval all her life--agreed with the people who found her unsightly. gradually losing her mother’s “love” is quite possibly the worst consequence of them all for her mentally………one that will eventually drive her to the most desperate of acts.

#headcanon. || URSULA #abuse*

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pyrogina · 6 years ago

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my keto experience

Intro/TL:DR

As a preface I can report that I lost 17lbs in 30 days while strictly adhering to a keto diet. I'm a 34 year old canadian woman who works from home as an artist and a huge helping factor for me was the freedom to stay home on the bad days and the ability to purchase fresh meats and vegetables on a weekly basis. This is a really tough diet but if you put the right pieces in place, it might work for you too. Additionally, I am NOT a dietitian/nutritionist in any way, shape, or form. Everything posted here is from my own experience and a modicum of research on the net. Please double-check my facts before you begin this diet for yourself.

Is keto for you?

The first and hardest question to ask yourself about a ketosis diet is, Can I Endure this? And you should not feel any guilt if the answer to that question is no, because this is a very invasive and aggressive diet that will cause you physical pain even if just for a brief amount of time. Similar to vegetarianism, or is extreme cousin, veganism, a keto diet involves cutting out large swaths of the food pyramid to facilitate this diet. This does not mean going hungry, the foods that are removed will be replaced with other foods, only without any (or minimal) artificial or natural sugars. Sugar is just a chemical, which doesn't sound like a huge sacrifice, right? Most adults don't bother adding sugar to anything other than tea or coffee, but sugar is much more deeply rooted in our lives than you may realize.

Carbohydrates can be found in virtually every type of ready-to-serve foods: breads, wraps, pastas, fried snacks, hors d'oeuvre (these are examples of things I ate before this diet). All of these delicious and very satisfying foods have a fiber content and sugar content. You're still allowed to consume these, and I encourage you do so, but make sure to monitor the grams of total carbohydrates you consume that day. During this diet you will only be allowed to consume 20 grams (to 50 grams, depending on your body and personal needs) a day. remember this. Those 20 grams of carbs maybe the difference between you having a normal day and one of the worst days of your life.

Before I chose to begin a keto diet, I had been exercising casually (as before I was sedentary, more details on this later) and consuming about half as many carbohydrates as I had normally done in my life before. During the two years I was living this way, I was able to lose approximately 20lbs (from about 230 to 210). If you're starting your diet or lifestyle change from scratch, maybe try starting here first. Its significantly slower (10lbs in nearly a year), but it will not cause any pain or significant inconvenience.

What’s the big deal?/What to eat?

Sugar is a chemical, and more than that, its a drug that your body has been dependent on since you were a wee baby in your mama’s belly. Sugar makes your brain work and when you mess with your brain’s intake of the all-important-life-sauce it goes into panic mode. In the first 2-3 days (up to 6 if your me!) you will literally, physically go into a state of depression. Many had described it to me as ‘keto flu’ but as a survivor of 2009s Swine flu, I can most assuredly tell you that keto is much, MUCH worse.

First, my appetite became very finicky (and i'm already a very picky eater). I had no desire to eat the genuinely tasty keto meals that my boyfriend had lovingly prepared. I didn't want to draw, and I wasn't even in the mood to play easy video games. All I felt like doing was crying or sleeping (which I did, for 9 hours in the middle of my 3rd day). This is why, whenever I speak to someone who’s even moderately interested in this diet to BOOK TIME OFF YOUR JOB!!! It’s inconceivable to me to be forced to face other human beings in this state of physical distress. You need to pamper yourself while in this state in order to endure it and ensure your success.

There was one more bump in the road around the one-week point but i'm fairly certain it came down to a combination of dehydration and moodiness (period) so perhaps that was an outlier. Either way, water is the key when you start feeling shitty. Get yourself a nice BPA-free water bottle that you're comfortable carrying around and keeping full of fresh water. Once your body is in ketosis (you can check using those little paper sticks you pee on from the drug store, wash your hands!) you will get tired and moody the very instant you become hungry at mealtimes. Sometimes you don't even feel the familiar hunger pangs from your previous diet and mistake it for just a general bad mood. Always have a sip of water, babes; that’s your brain telling you to hydrate.

Alternatively, after eating a keto meal you still may feel hungry or unsatisfied, even sad (longing for your favourite dessert). This is where those 20g of carbs come in pretty clutch. Finding your perfect portion of reward may be impossibly difficult, I can only tell you what made me feel better when I got the cravings. Blueberries are quite sweet, they have a lot of natural sugar, but a handful of them sufficed as an incredibly sweet treat (some keto dieters have proclaimed that ‘regular things taste much sweeter than before’, I didn't experience this). Minigo/iogo yoghurt cups are fatty and sweet and work as a decent replacement to ice cream (count the carbs!). On extra tough mornings (in addition to bacon and eggs! Totally keto!) we would split a cavendish oven-fried hashbrown (about 15g; 7.5g split between my partner and I).

There are a surprising amount of natural foods that are not keto, but in careful proportions, can be incorporated into a daily keto diet. Most every fruit (that I checked) is very sugary but can make for a nice dessert. Certain vegetables like carrots or potato have too many carbs to be anything more than a boost when you feel shitty. Red onions have a very small amount of carbs (sugar and fibre work together to your benefit!) and server to replace pasta as a side to a nice steak dinner.

On that note, you need fibre to make your BMs move. Cutting carbs from your life means your number 2’s go bunny mode…. Take a sugar-free metamucil on any day where you have more meat during a meal than other types of food, or the toilet will be a nightmare.

Meals:

Cutting away pastas, breads, and other sides seems like an insane task but with some discipline and creativity, it's quite manageable. Breakfast didn't change much: eggs any way (sunny side for me, cheddar omelette for my BF) with bacon or sausage. Lunch was some combination of chicken breast and various salads (so many salad dressings are low or no carb! Read the back!). On steak night, we replace noodles with sauteed red onions fried and seasoning. Snacktime was usually pre-sliced cheddar cheese (go NUTS that shit is A-OK!), unsalted peanuts (other nuts have marginally more carbs, almonds and sunflower are moderate, check what works for you), or small amounts of beef jerky. Accompany those snacks with a big drink of water, or if you've had enough of that, certain drinks are acceptable like tea or coffee (with sweetner and high fat milk, skim milk is too sugary), diet sodas, sugarfree drink mix (migo, nestea). Just remember water, water, water.

Is it worth it? Pros/Cons

Cons:

-HURTS LIEK DRUG WITHDRAWL (you're literally coming down from the lifelong chemical addiction of sugar. It hurts like Trainspotting)

-MEAT (you will be consuming a lot of animal product)

-POOP (even when you have your metamucil, the toilet can take some time)

-SWEETS (the cravings for your favourite yumyums will almost never stop, it takes monk-like discipline)

-BORING (you can't go out and enjoy meals/drinks with friends and family without them or the restaurant making odd or even crappy exceptions. Keto menu options are slowly becoming popular though)

-TIRED (the first week or two will be very tedious and you won’t have any energy, even your favourite hobbies may seen unfulfilling for a time)

-ALCOHOL (basically none, unless you like vodka and sugarfree mix, you'll get drunk a lot quicker and end up feeling shittier without carbs in your body to process the liquor)

Pros:

-INSTANT RESULTS (in my first week i lost nearly 10lbs, and then two for every subsequent week. note that, just like any diet, there will be bounce-back)

-APPETITE LOSS (once you get into the swing of this, after the 2 week mark, you’ll find you no longer are pained when your hungry and the bigger cravings subside)

-BUDGET (this is a bit of an odd one and may not necessarily reflect your cost benefits. Before engaging in this diet, my BF and I discovered we were spending too much money on restaurants and leaving the food in the fridge to waste. This was primarily because we were too lazy to cook. Getting off our asses and cooking 6 days of the week made an immediate impact on this for us. If you already do that, this won't apply. Concurrently, we spent more money at the grocery store ensuring we always had fresh meat and vegetables; this did net us positive)

-REWARDING MEALS (having to stop and think about what it takes to make a tasty and satisfying meal has forced us to look at things in a different way. Making yourself and your partner a healthy, supremely tasty meal gets those endorphins peaking)

-EXERCISE (Unnecessary! Your choice! Just note that building muscle increases your weight as muscle weights more than fat)

My fave meals:

-Coffee (reluctantly replacing 1tsp of sugar with a fairy-dust sprinkling of sweetner cos i HATE sweetner, its 20-30x stronger than sugar so you only need 1/20th as much)

-Eggs and bacon!!! (sausage sometimes too)

-Garlic grilled chicken with spinach salad (onions, sliced almonds, feta, dressing)

-Steak and red onions (meat rare and onions grilled with seasoning)

-Spicy ground pork tacos (replace the taco/burrito with large boston lettuce leaves, shredded cheddar, green onions, diced tomato, dab of ranch sauce)

-Baked chicken breast stuffed with ricotta and spinach, topped with parmesan

-Slow-cooked pulled pork slathered with sharp cheddar (just eat with a fork!)

-Baked shrimp with garlic butter and parmesan

-Jalapenos stuffed with ricotta, cream cheese and cheddar, then wrapped in a strip of bacon (great late-night snack)

-Even changing the texture of a cheese can change the taste of the meal. Shredded cheddar adds a salty bite to a lettuce wrap, grated parmesan can trick a baked chicken breast into thinking its breaded. creamy cheeses can replace other baking sauces entirely.

-Diet pops (make sure its 0 sugar!), and tea/coffees with sweetner are fine, they do contain a lot of sodium though, make sure to drink 1-for-1 with water (meaning: every diet coke or tea you have, accompany it with the same amount of plain water so your body can process it and pee it out).

Variations/Control:

Vitamins: It should be noted that I take a daily multivitamin (C3+D) as I generally don't get enough sun or fruits. I highly recommend you take these just in general. They help keep skin soft and blemish free (I initially began taking these because of acne on upper arms and it cleared within days).

Activity: As briefly mentioned earlier, I began shifting from sedentary (not moving much, sitting for hours a day) to a more active lifestyle about 2-3 years ago. This entailed a personal regimen of making an attempt at physical activity approximately half the days of the month (period week was generally excluded). Every other day I would attempt one of the following: walking at least 2km, 15-20m of floor exercises (‘lady push-ups’, sit-ups), 15-20m of time on the indoor bike, or an hour of house related chores (lifting, laundry, cleaning, anything that involves getting sweaty). In addition to these, yoga is peppered into my lifestyle as frequently as possibly, particularly in the morning before breakfast. On days where i'm unable to exercise, I at least attempt the basic yoga poses to stave off my (no-longer chronic) back pain.

#personal #diet #keto diet #ketosis #okay to reblog #no one proofread this for me...#ill try to keep edits to a minimum

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