#which i think is on purpose? idk
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gong qing chose to be doomed by the narrative the moment he chose to kill tian jin zhong. he knew he was going to die the minute he killed him. he met zhang zhiwei knowing the only outcome was his death. but he refused to go out without having his say. he refused to die without shaking the narrative. the ripple effect. the butterfly flaps its wings and dies, but it is still causing changes.
and the thing is. the thing is that you (or maybe just me) want him to live. what is there to hate about him? all he does is kill one man. he fails to impact longhu shan beyond that; all the other damage can be fixed. and i think, evil or not, the fact is that gong qing is just like zhang chulan, like the countless others who are seeking the truth. and zhang zhiwei and the elders are their adversaries in that, because it's clear as day that they are the ones concealing the truth. honestly, i doubt feng baobao's origin is much of a secret to all those who recognized her; it's just one they don't want to share. same with the jiashen calamity. maybe if the truth dies with the elders who survived it, the tragedy won't repeat. but the fact is that hiding the truth only makes people want it more, inadvertently causing a great number of tragedies along the way. truth and power are always going to be what people desire. history might repeat whether or not the truth is widely known.
and the fact is, at this point, twenty episodes in to a twenty seven episode show, i, the watcher, still have no idea what even happened during the jiashen calamity. and i mean the basic info. they briefly talked about the 36 thieves and the founding of sinister pleasure, but it was so glossed over that i feel completely lost. i want the truth too! i want the basic backstory! gong qing is a revolutionary in all the wrong places, but you can't deny that his idealism about sinister pleasure and his actions are almost that of a martyrs. he seeks a return to the golden age, a righting of wrongs. and zhang zhiwei, undeniably, stands in the way of that, because zhang zhiwei is the person with the sole ability to determine good and evil.
#star stumbles#my thoughts#i am nobody#the outcast#异��之下#一人之下#star shots#ep 21#could have written more but let me cap it#i didn't want him to die but i knew he was going to. the tragedy of it all#zhang zhiwei kills him with his needle and makes it look like he's meting out justice#and i understand that. i don't really understand why tjz had to die but i'm still not on zzw's side too much#if only because you can tell he's an obstacle. grandfather figure or not#which i think is on purpose? idk#so frustrating i feel for baobao and chulan and wang ye#and everyone else who is getting lied to about it
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I genuinely love not having a crush like I’m not over here feeling physically sick over some mid guy being dry to me I’m literally chilling
#Spring semester of last year was so bad bc I was unironically into 3 guys at once and they were all#Being dry and cryptic to me#And then before that in 2022 I had my horrid situationship#I had a mini obsession arc in dec 2023 over someone but now there hasn’t been anyone since#And my palette is so cleansed#When a girl is like I miss having a crush I’m like you’re literally a masochist#There was very briefly a girl I thought I had a crush on when I realized I’m bicurious but#I haven’t put effort into talking to her bc the idea of pursuing anyone makes me wanna claw my eyes out#I’m pretty sure I ghosted her by like just not responding to her last messsge actually#Not on purpose but more so bc I realized I was feeling the same anxiety I felt whenever I had a crush so I was like#Yeah I’m dropping this for now#I’m also always the most present for my friends when I don’t have a crush so idk#Like I don’t wanna be consumed by anyone I just wanna chill#The solution to not having normal attraction to people is just to not be attracted to anyone at all#I fr cracked it#I always just crave the butterflies out of it and never an actual relationship anyway#But they’re so not worth it#Which is why I always get bored of guys who’re forthright like oh ok you actually WANT something…. U don’t wanna just have fun#Not for me#I think the guys I’m into and I typically diverge in the sense that neither of us wants a relationship but they just wanna fuck me#And I more so just want the butterflies experience / to playact couple for like a couple months but nothing too serious#Which is why it never works#Like it’s not that it doesn’t work bc either of us wants a relationship it’s more that what we want out of the situationship is different#So lame#Ok this was a lot but I literally came to this epiphany while writing these tags
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I'm not getting into The Giving Tree discourse...
#personal#delete later#idk i just saw a post of the “alternate ending” comic on my dash and everyone praising it as an improvement and “fixing” the original#which i kinda resent#while tulli and i was taking my nephew to a book store we walked around the kids section and found the giving tree and we read through it#and i was so stricken by how profoundly sad it is. it's not a happy story#in the end both versions tell the exact same lesson. but one flat out tells you and the other makes you sit with a pit in your stomach#and work to find the answer#i dunno it's kids literature but kids literature is important. i don't wanna discredit anyone's bad memories with the book but also i think#sometimes it's ok to make kids a bit sad and upset with fiction.#tweet that goes “what if romeo and juliet didn't kill themselves and explained to the audience that family feuds are bad”#idk you can't seriously read the original book as an adult and say it's glorifying self-martyrdom#when the final drawing of the book is of an old tired man sitting on arotting stump with his hat fallen to the ground#again i don't wanna invalidate people's feelings if they enjoy the alt version i think it's really nice too. but the original has its#purpose too. imagine if at the end of the lorax they show that the boy did it and replanted the world happy ending#wait they did that in the movie shit#i dunno i just love somber children's literature. tulli and i are talking about moomin right now and how the series ends with the moomin#family just leaving. and nobody gets to say goodbye to them. their friends have to find ways to live with the emptiness they've left behin
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Look I know Lucifer isn't the best dad ever but I feel like people who say he's a bad dad are purposely ignoring the context of the show. It is very much implied that he thought Charlie wanted nothing to do with him, and Charlie thought he wanted nothing to do with her. Lucifer’s still dealing with trauma from Heaven and his fall and probably will for the rest of time plus he's dealing with what would probably qualify as clinical depression, and simultaneously dealing with trauma, clinical depression, and autistic traits (which Lucifer absolutely has; I do not say, as an autistic person, that Lucifer is a massive autistic mood for no reason) is a fucking NIGHTMARE.
I'm not saying Lucifer shouldn't take responsibility. He should. But he's already doing better than my dad frankly. Lucifer hits me in the daddy issues, I wish my dad made an effort to be more active in my life. Lucifer is fucking trying, and that's better than a lot of people can say about their dads.
#hazbin hotel#hazbin hotel lucifer#like i said hes definitely not the best dad but hes also not the worst. hes trying#thats both better than he was doing and better than a lot of people get#(i do think stolas is a better dad but his and lucifers circumstances are also completely different)#if lucifer hadnt bothered helping charlie then yeah id say hes a bad dad#but he put his instinct to avoid the thing that gave him trauma (heaven) at all costs aside for charlie#he was able to acknowledge that yes hes been a shit dad and could be doing better#he made an active effort TO DO BETTER#he actively made a change about himself for the sake of being there for charlie and that alone is better than most people can do#he wasnt a bad dad on purpose. he thought charlie didnt want to see him and acted accordingly which made his mental health problems worse#and his mental health problems being worse made it harder for him to function let alone be charlies dad#again im not saying he shouldnt take accountability just that people dont acknowledge why he was absent for so long#(me being me i blame lilith for making lucifer think charlie didnt want to see him and making charlie think lucifer didnt want to see her)#maybe this is littered with bad takes and my perspective is clouded by daddy issues. idk lol
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Growing older
#I don’t think he’d take getting old well#like he looks so much like his dad and like he’s too lazy to shave so every morning he sees spitelout which is hard#and also like every year without hookfang hurts even more#and he’s watching all his friends start family and find purpose and grow up and he’s in limbo#idk. maybe I’m overthinkking this#middle aged man angst#snotlout#four draws tag#snotlout jorgenson#httyd#how to train your dragon#httyd snotlout#trans snotlout
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I've been pretty busy with art fight and life in general lately so I haven't been drawing Warriors but I do have a collection of doodles I never did anything with, so here they are!
#i'm posting these mostly for me tbh. bc this blog is kind of an art archive for me#the drawing of berryheart and sunbeam is a reference to a particular scene. i think at the end of shadow?#when berryheart comforts sunbeam briefly after nightheart leaves#also that drawing of leafpool and hollypaw is so old. i finished it recently but i've had the sketch sitting around for a couple of years#i think the sketch was originally going to be yellowfang and cinderpelt actually. bc i was reading the first arc at the time#idk why it changed. i should draw those two sometime though. i don't really have any proper drawings of yellowfang#unless you count that one old comic. which honestly looks good for my skill level at the time and the fact that i drew it on the 3ds but#well anyway. what's this post about?#my art#ouughh tagging everyone for sorting purposes#berryheart#sunbeam#harelight#frostpaw#bristlefrost#rootspring#shadowsight#leafpool#hollyleaf#sparkpelt#nightheart
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just read this snippet in a vanilla fic where character A sneezes and character B unthinkingly lends them their jacket. only, A realizes after the jacket is on that it's feverishly warm, and they lean over and feel B's forehead... 😵💫
what lack of self preservation would you need to have to lend someone your jacket so unthinkingly when you're the one with a fever?! also to feel someone's fever through the residual warmth of a clothing article?? the scene will not leave my mind
#for the record the fic is not a sickfic and this goes unacknowledged and unexplained for the rest of the fic#why did the author write that in?????????? what purpose did the mention of his fever serve narratively??????#idk but it's very very hot to me 😭#(...if anyone read my latest fic yes a is ti//ll and b is i//van in the fic i'm referencing. which i hesitate to link outside of dms bc#it is written by a vanilla 😭 but i fell asleep thinking about it and now i'm awake thinking about it again)
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LSTR-S2301 and the maintenance tunnel ARAR are best friends to me even though that Elster was only on sierpinski for a seemingly brief time, they’re bros who fuck around on the clock during work. I think Elster was probably more willing to put extra time in however she’s also very “okay you’ve given me a list of tasks I did them. They’re done and done well. That’s it, my time now.” Whereas I see Ara being more of a slacker (very valid of her) or at the very least just a bare minimum type of gal when it comes to work.
Idk I tend to imagine them fucking off in the middle of shifts to go find weird lonely corners of sierpinski to hang out in. They don’t even talk half the time but they love it.
#listen I know sierpinski Elster has Alina as her lover#I don’t necessarily see Elster/ara as romantic although it could be#they’re just tired work bros to me#u have machine autism and plant autism and they’re both silent types I think they’d click#I’ve seen some fun takes on Lilith and Elster as characters too#to me Lilith Itou is definitely the strong silent type but not bc she always means to be#yes she is an intimidating war veteran but I think part of that intimidation factor comes from her being awkward as hell when it comes#to talking#combo of awkward/ just being a woman of few words anyway#which comes through in LSTRs I think#they don’t say much when they don’t feel that they need to ig#anyway idk if this makes sense I’m just rambling#I was also just trying to think abt LSTR-S2301 bc poor thing#imagine being your own individual replika but you’re brought to this place as basically a sacrificial lamb? of sorts#in that you as you are. it’s not what you need to be for a god’s purpose#but it’s close enough that the parts that aren’t needed can be stripped away#and filled again#she was only ever meant to be a vessel for 512 in many ways#but she was still S2301 and had her own life and friends for a brief moment in time#signalis#this isn’t worded well but gets the tag regardless#I should make a rambles tag separate from my personal tag maybe#lynx rambles#<- new tag ig
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people seemed to like the last design so here's another drawing. this time featuring a surprise guest. haha wow whos that guy...
no dialogue ver
#clemart#ttcc#toontown corporate clash#<- i removed the tooniness from their designs sorry guys#hardly counts again but i'll include the tags for the sake of documentation#prethinker#brian ttcc#mac opsys#ill get back to my normal toontown art soon enough#i just have to get a bit indulgent. just let me have this moment#ive kind of taken a liking to this . its fun. i might do more with this design later idk#his height is inconsistent in the 2 times i've drawn him full body#technically speaking i think if he stood on all of his legs (secondary arms included) he'd be shorter than his normal/cog design#but in terms of length i want to say hed be very tall like maybe half vp height just for fun. <- not a solid confirmation#or at least taller than the tallest manager.#^he also wouldnt be able to actually reach this height because if too many of his legs are off the floor he just falls over#however i think to adequately display that ive have to make him much longer. which as you can see here is NOT what i did#to make up for this imagine he can just remove and add some at will. ok. its not inconsistent its...on purpose. yes. on purpose.#we'll go with that#YAP SESSION.#BOOO BOOOO GGET THIS GUY OFF THE STAGE
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watching the henren plot of this episode i realised or possibly came to accept that the show isn't going to delve much into the deeper issues and it's a little disheartening when you're so invested in these characters. but at the same time, i get it. it's a TV show, not a book. and it's a procedural, not a drama show (yes, even though there is drama). they'll bring up something and resolve it in the same episode or at most the next one, and it feels like it's lacking sometimes, but that's my perspective as a fan who is participating in the online fandom culture. that's not the case for the fan who is watching the show for the drama, the laughs, the emotional moments, the sweet moments, and to see the characters happy with their loved ones and their families. this was my experience the first time i was watching the show too, and then i started getting more into the fandom and reading other people's takes and yeah, there are some characters i think could be given better SLs and just, more focus, overall. but this new perspective is gonna let me enjoy the show for what it is and fill the gaps with headcanons and fanfiction.
#send post#idk if i can articulate it any better#tldr: it's not that deep *on purpose*#which like... yeah this isn't news#but i think this last episode kind of shifted my perspective idk#overall. no complaints.
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splatoon 3 players might actually be the most miserable ppl on the planet 💀
#i think fryes only won once out of the 12 fests?#i wonder if theyre gonna do anything about that or if its just gonna be the same bs for idk the rest of the year#2 years of fests is the usual number i think and were already in 24 sooo um#not that theres anything they can do other than purposely try to give her good options which shes already had multiple times#idk i think its a bust atp#kae.txt
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i’ve said this soooo many times but i cannot believe the widespread fandom take on nightmares is ‘episode that proves john didn’t hit the kids or at least that sam didn’t know about :)’ NO??? that entire episode is to directly parallel sam to max??? i really hate to break it to you guys but sam being like Damn at least we weren’t and aren’t still being regularly beat to shit by the two male parental figures in our lives 🙏 lucky to have dad fr is not the same as him saying Wow i’m so grateful dad never hit us at all. essentially he is literally like ‘if dad had got drunk more often and hadn’t channeled his energy into hunting maybe we would’ve ended up like max. guess i should be grateful he didn’t”. hello. how does that endorse an entirely violence-free parenting style. like have your own interpretation. but the text of the episode isn’t saying John didn’t hit them. the text of the episode is intentionally bringing up the concept of john hitting them, withholding direct judgement/confirmation on whether it happened and keeping it ambiguous, sure, but still bringing it to our attention.
#Supernatural withholds judgement on everything so like.#it does it well in early seasons ambiguity is good! and. Less Well in later seasons#it’s also ironic cause like. i mean they were regularly Getting beat to shit via.#. monster fighting. neglecting to protect kids from physical harm also counts as physical abuse. btw.#but that’s like. the obvious takeaway#and so is dean’s little Look at the end of the ep which is obviously meant to imply that he doesn’t agree with sam. which. well#but like. idk it’s a widespread fandom idea too that if john did hit them he only hit dean. i even used to go by that!! but ur ignoring even#more subtext if u think that#and like#it’s Purposeful that the first psychic kid we see who sam very strongly identifies with#is a kid w a physically abusive father they write like this on purpose….#they do it again with sam in s7 too. him & amy pond r directly paralleled and we see her mom hit her on screen that eps what made me change#my mind re my opinion on this in regards to sam#anyway.#spn#oliver talks#winchester family dynamics#spn 1x14
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thinking about kageyama’s “it’s the setter’s job to break the wall in front of the spiker” in reference to how kenma sponsoring hinata while he’s in brazil and onwards is effectively doing that on a financial level. once a setter always a setter.
#could talk about how the narrative purpose of every setter (at least in hinata’s story) reflects the idea of breaking a wall in front of him#for hours i think#i want to do a full manga read to fully think about that but#atsumu & hinata’s feeling that he needs kageyama. kenma & just the financial logistics of being able to go to brazil. oikawa & homesickness#obviously there’s more going on w/ all the characters but like. those 3 & kageyama (obviously) all have at least one big thing they help-#hinata overcome. kageyama has so many of these moments w/ hinata i’d have to rewatch & list them all but yea.#akaashi is also this but for bokuto. (bokuto is this for akaashi as well)#(& if we’re talking setters & spikers obviously hinata is that for kageyama. Obviously. they’re soulmates)#i know this is lowkey just me analyzing the concept of support which a team sport series is inevitably filled to the brim with#but with a lot of what i consider to be hinata’s big character moments… it’s always setters man. & that feels deeply intentional.#& takeda obviously but he’s the coach. that is his Narrative Purpose#i wonder if there’s something strong to be said about main characters positions within the team & their strongest overall narrative purposes#like ‘libero’ meaning free in italian & nishinoya & freedom being his Whole Thing. he goes to karasuno bc he likes the uniform!!#i’m curious if i took every character & took their position if i’d find a list of commonalities between their narrative purposes. idk!#but yea anyways i dislike dumbing down hinata’s relationships w/ his setters as like ‘omg setter harem’ as anything other than a light joke#but hinata & setters is such a big deal. almost all my favorite hinata dynamics are with setters i think & that’s bc of that importance#if anyone read this rant in the tags thank you for your time lol. happy birthday hinata i love you forever#haikyuu!!#haikyuu#haikyū!!#hinata shouyou#hinata shoyo#kozume kenma
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hm i was wondering. do u prefer british or american humor (as represented thru comedy shows/movies)? (feel free to elaborate in the tags and/or reblog for sample size)
#ill elaborate in a bit#imo a lot of mainstream american humor or at least what i see exists in a sort of. edgelord/''snowflake'' (for lack of a better term) binar#*from the last decade or so that is#where u can either tell any joke u want n b as rude as offensive as u can on purpose OR never joke abt anything that can even slightly#inconvenience anyone in any way or abt anything that has ever hurt anyone which. im not a fan of either approach#n while yes while there r british edgelords (like ricky gervais 4 example) n a lot of popular stuff can b rly offensive#i think they generally balance it a lot better? or at least try n balance it? idk#bc at the end of the day anything u do can offend ppl. u just gotta try ur best to b respectful while still being funny#n im not saying that as anything against ''snowflakes'' or ''snowflake'' humor its just a different approach to comedy
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hm. might need to pause on the dragon age art for a while i fear
#ignore the tags but let me explain. ooo buddy I'm worried this is gonna sound like a tantrum and I promise it's not#but I get the feeling that I'm more or less softblocked on a lot of my folks' dashboards. for dragon age tags and whatnot#which I def understand for spoiler purposes! though none of my art contains spoilers#and it's a bummer that folks can't see stuff I know they'd otherwise enjoy?? idk if this even makes sense#to be deleted I think bc I'm already worried about how this will come off LOL#but anyway if I slow down until after veilguard that's why
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Thinking of writing a fic where Wiggly calls Nibbly the "least evil Lord in Black" (a canonical fact about him fyi), and Nibbly responds by deciding to supposedly 'prove him right' by sabotaging his latest apocalypse and working with the humans. Just to fuck with him. As brothers do.
No clue if anyone would even be interested in it but I'm highly considering it. Maybe I'll see where this goes.
edit: turns out people are very interested in this, so I've started writing it! if you're intrigued enough here's the ao3 link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/51812965
#hiding this in the tags#as the story goes on i think it would be interesting to explore Nibbly's relationship with his whole. evilness.#and maybe even end up with it as an exploration of how an evil god turns ''good'' (more like morally gray)#as he gets attached to the humans he's working with (a few select main characters of the trilogy)#and as he pretends to be a good person he sort of. almost becomes one.#and how that would feel to a god whose sole purpose is to be cruel and evil. and hungry.#but idk if people would be interested in that#which is why im hiding it in the tags#hello if you're reading this :)#i've watched Nightmare Time btw i know the lore B)#npmd#starkid#nerdy prudes must die#lords in black#nibblenephim#nibbly#writing#hatchetfield#hatchetverse#hatchetfield fanfic
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