sanasanakun

[sanasanakun]

i lowkey hate vengeful Anya takes, like the ones that depict her wanting to or killing Jimmy. To me, it just feels like people’s anger for her sake being projected through her character rather than something that’s true to Anya’s character.

It feels weird depicting an SA survivor with capability to murder/hurt or wanting to hurt someone. Can’t we just want peace? It would be refreshing if there was a take on Anya wherein she feels nothing for Jimmy but just the desire to be 10000 miles away from him.

No feelings of anger toward him, no feelings of forgiveness either - just nothing. That’s how I felt w/ my abusers for years, up until now actually. It might be weird from an outsider perspective that a victim could never feel angry for what happened, but it can happen and I’d know.

Maybe years after the incident (assuming it’s in everyone survives or no crash AU), she’s trying to bury the memory. But it bottles up and turns into sudden outbursts of sadness or anger or guilt or shame. Then back to nothing when it’s over.

Because processing trauma is not linear. The broken feeling you get doesn’t end with your abuser dying or getting hurt. One of my abusers died and I don’t feel rejoice or justice or peace. IMO Anya wouldn’t feel any sort of satisfaction either hurting Jimmy. Because not all victims prefer or is capable of achieving peace through violence.

At the same time, I understand that since this is fandom, everyone has the right to project on these fictional characters and there’s no one correct depiction of a character. Just putting my thoughts out here.

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[sanasanakun]

Jimmy’s relationship to suicide is a little funny. Like he crashes out (literally) in the beginning and immediately is like AHHHHH!!!!!! -fetal position rocking sobbing- and then he survives and he’s gotta be awkwardly standing there going “oh….ummmmm well that was weird amirite, guys? Geez, who would…who would KILL THEMSELVES like THAT? I mean come on.” And later when he finds out about the Cyropod I just know he was like “um fuckinggggg score let’s gooooo” but when Swansea calls him a coward he immediately pivots to shooting himself as Plan B. Which is….just an amazing leap in logic. An absolute masterclass example of thinking on the fly from Mr. Jimmy Mouthwashing. And again before he activates Plan B he has an AHHHHH!!!!!! -fetal position rocking sobbing- sequence. Like brother….the second crash out is too much. make up your mind lol

[sanasanakun]

Also I absolutely hate the way this fandom talks about rape victims. There's some really good discussion/art here and there, but for the most part, you guys are undereducated on the subject and do far more harm than good.

[sanasanakun]

I get why JimCurly is popular cause hot yaoi and Jimmy is the MC but it's annoying how Curlya gets villainized as some ungodly immoral ship when JimCurly is far worse in terms of morality. In my opinion, Anya and Curly have the most interesting connection/relationship in the story. There's so much potential for depth, angst, understanding, resentment (on both sides), healing, etc. between them. Easily my favorite duo in the game to study with my microscope lol

[sanasanakun]

Full on my twitter....

[sanasanakun]

I’ve created an insane Mouthwashing fanfic in my head based solely on the question of “what would I do if I was in Anya’s situation?” And because I’m a raging narcissist that can turn off my moral code and feelings at will (for the most part), I have created the perfect plan that would avert all (physical) disaster. But my god….the fandom…they’d hate me for what I’d do lol therefore the fanfic will NEVER come to light. It is not meant to escape its cage in my mind palace.

[sanasanakun]

Mouthwashing

[sanasanakun]

most important part of the writing process actually is when you loop a single song on max volume and stare at the word document and imagine the characters doing things for 14 hours. this is known as getting in the zone

[sanasanakun]

Jimmy being named after A&W is so funny cause he looks exactly like Lana Del Rey’s type of man.

[sanasanakun]

This did numbers in the wrong organ server so here y’all go

[sanasanakun]

...this hurts like hell.

[sanasanakun]

People try too hard to make Curly an active participant in Jimmy's abuse. Isn't the whole point that he's passive in everything Jimmy does? Abuse occurs because he actively doesn't do anything? Not to call someone out or be mean, but I saw a post saying Anya's ID being in Curly's locker at the beginning shows that he intended to prevent Anya from filing an HR report and I disagree. I get where that interpretation is coming from, but I think it's a little uncharitable. I don't like being too kind to Curly because he's like...a morally mid dude at best lol But if we're going by the HR report interpretation, I would say it's more likely he requested Anya's ID in order to file an HR report on her behalf. After all, the only way to contact Pony (that we see) is in the cockpit, he's the Captain, and Pony Express sucks bad so I wouldn't put it past them to only allow the Captain to use the communication device thing. As we see before, Curly is the only one able to use tools around the ship that you would think other employees could use (ex. Swansea should be able to use the axe if he's the repair guy. Idk why they'd need an ax but that falls under manual labor which Swansea is designated for as the mechanic/fixer dude. But it has to go through Curly). I never got the vibe that Curly moved to actively protect Jimmy. He just lets things happen without say a word; Jimmy walks all over him, and by extension, the whole crew. I get why people would think that because he gives the whole "Hey Jimmy, we can get through this together, bud" spiel right before the crash. This part interests me a lot because there's so many ways to interpret Curly's intentions there. My interpretation is that Curly is on autopilot mode. The responses seem so stilted in comparison to Jimmy's. Like it's the kind of thing Curly's said before again and again and again when Jimmy's gotten in trouble. However, as others previously pointed out, I don't think Curly ever dealt with Jimmy doing something this irredeemable. He doesn't know how to respond, so he just goes for the default "You've gotten through tough situations before. Work through it one step at a time." Like the response is lame af lol I think he was in shock; he was scared (and just so I can say it one more time: he's super lame).

Anyway, this is way longer than I intended and I've said things a billion people have already stated. But uhhh tldr the whole point of Curly's character is he's passive; he never acts. He just watches. Making him an active participant in the abuse by taking actions to cover for Jimmy (like preventing Anya from filing an HR report) defeats the purpose of his character. He's a bystander.

[sanasanakun]

Tulpar’s very own! Headed for bigger and better, right?

Curly from mouthwashing hehe

[sanasanakun]

celebrate the wifi you wont have for over a year with...surprisingly not a mouthwash joke?

[sanasanakun]

[sanasanakun]

always everyone else’s fault

[sanasanakun]

Jimithon Mouthwashing is such a good representation of untreated, enabled NPD like it makes me want to squeeze the life out of him. I'm endlessly fascinated when watching him interact with his crew, surroundings, and himself because he's so fucking lost in his own sauce. It's insane. If I'm being real, it makes him my favorite character in the game.

It's a little scary to say, but watching Jimmy is like seeing a mirrored version of myself two years ago before I truly committed to treatment for my NPD. He's like a shadow. The opening line "I hope this hurts," which I believe comes from Jimmy right before the crash, is such a poignant statement. It's a simple line, but I can tell you from experience that the desire to hurt others when in a narcissistic rage is overwhelming. It's such a good line to sum up Jimmy's character in that moment. Luckily, in the real world, I had my friends and family there to catch me when I hit my lowest, even though I'd hurt them so many times. Jimmy probably could've used friends to force him into therapy (cough cough Curly cough cough)