sanasanakun

[sanasanakun]

I’ve been playing forknight

[sanasanakun]

*leaving Judy’s apartment after saving Evelyn from a deranged snuff operation and getting almost zero answers about how to stop terrorist Keanu Reeves from eating V’s scrambled brain* I gotta pay homage to the greatest Christian rock band of all time, Faith + 1, right now.

[sanasanakun]

Surprise! I revisit this post after like two years. I’m on another replay, and this shit still holds so much water for me. Something I’d like to add is that Jackie is clearly “the rock” in V’s life. I would daresay he’s the more mature one between them. He’s better at rationalizing and adjusting to situations, and has a quick read of V’s mental and emotional state. Their first conversation in the elevator down after the Heist falls apart is very telling to me. Jackie solemnly kind of accepts their situation, all while V is panicking. The way he attempts to calm V just screams kind of routine to me. Like this is something Jackie’s had to do multiple times, just maybe never in such an extreme situation. Like Jackie is bleeding out, but V still needs comforting and reassurance. In comparison, I don’t find that V reciprocates that kind of comfort towards Jackie, at least in the majority of the Heist mission (not for a lack of trying). It again felt like V hung onto Jackie, clinging to his strength and determination to power through. Maybe it’s just me, but the whole mission just had a vibe of Jackie looking out for/after V which just feeds into my previous discussion for them. I don’t know, it makes me even more sad! V just seems so lost without Jackie. So lonely. It made my high ass cry last night lol

The tragedy that is Corpo!V and Jackie's relationship lies in Jackie's consistency for saving V, while V's big onscreen attempt to save Jackie falls short. Jackie rescues V on three distinct occasions: during the mysterious Mexico job, when he offers his home after V's expulsion from Arasaka, and by using his last bit of strength to slot the relic into V's head. From a purely headcanon perspective too, you could speculate that Jackie's influence prevented Arasaka from “corrupting” V, keeping them from turning into just another soulless corpo that we see populate Night City.

Jackie remains a steadfast presence in V's life, reliably coming to their aid whenever needed, even unknowingly (like by slotting in the relic). However, when Jackie desperately needs V's support, V fails. Despite V’s impressive strength and training from Arasaka, the heist claims Jackie’s life. Now burdened with an impending death sentence due to the relic in their head, V is left without that shoulder to lean on. The man who consistently "saved" them is gone, leaving V to grapple with their fate.

I even kind of view Jackie's final act of saving V with the chip as a symbol that if Jackie dies, V's own destiny is sealed. But that’s a little pessimistic for the games overall narrative (imo). I just think it's interesting how Jackie always offers an out to V, while V fails to do the same. It’s extremely bittersweet and definitely adds to the tragedy of their stories.

[sanasanakun]

Attraction to Jimmy is carried like 90% by those messy curtain bangs. Whoever (Curly) convinced him to get that haircut loves him because they knew my brother doesn't have much else going on in the way of looks.

[sanasanakun]

[sanasanakun]

lady of sorrows

[sanasanakun]

Full of Curlys

[sanasanakun]

i lowkey hate vengeful Anya takes, like the ones that depict her wanting to or killing Jimmy. To me, it just feels like people’s anger for her sake being projected through her character rather than something that’s true to Anya’s character.

It feels weird depicting an SA survivor with capability to murder/hurt or wanting to hurt someone. Can’t we just want peace? It would be refreshing if there was a take on Anya wherein she feels nothing for Jimmy but just the desire to be 10000 miles away from him.

No feelings of anger toward him, no feelings of forgiveness either - just nothing. That’s how I felt w/ my abusers for years, up until now actually. It might be weird from an outsider perspective that a victim could never feel angry for what happened, but it can happen and I’d know.

Maybe years after the incident (assuming it’s in everyone survives or no crash AU), she’s trying to bury the memory. But it bottles up and turns into sudden outbursts of sadness or anger or guilt or shame. Then back to nothing when it’s over.

Because processing trauma is not linear. The broken feeling you get doesn’t end with your abuser dying or getting hurt. One of my abusers died and I don’t feel rejoice or justice or peace. IMO Anya wouldn’t feel any sort of satisfaction either hurting Jimmy. Because not all victims prefer or is capable of achieving peace through violence.

At the same time, I understand that since this is fandom, everyone has the right to project on these fictional characters and there’s no one correct depiction of a character. Just putting my thoughts out here.

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[sanasanakun]

Jimmy’s relationship to suicide is a little funny. Like he crashes out (literally) in the beginning and immediately is like AHHHHH!!!!!! -fetal position rocking sobbing- and then he survives and he’s gotta be awkwardly standing there going “oh….ummmmm well that was weird amirite, guys? Geez, who would…who would KILL THEMSELVES like THAT? I mean come on.” And later when he finds out about the Cyropod I just know he was like “um fuckinggggg score let’s gooooo” but when Swansea calls him a coward he immediately pivots to shooting himself as Plan B. Which is….just an amazing leap in logic. An absolute masterclass example of thinking on the fly from Mr. Jimmy Mouthwashing. And again before he activates Plan B he has an AHHHHH!!!!!! -fetal position rocking sobbing- sequence. Like brother….the second crash out is too much. make up your mind lol

[sanasanakun]

Also I absolutely hate the way this fandom talks about rape victims. There's some really good discussion/art here and there, but for the most part, you guys are undereducated on the subject and do far more harm than good.

[sanasanakun]

I get why JimCurly is popular cause hot yaoi and Jimmy is the MC but it's annoying how Curlya gets villainized as some ungodly immoral ship when JimCurly is far worse in terms of morality. In my opinion, Anya and Curly have the most interesting connection/relationship in the story. There's so much potential for depth, angst, understanding, resentment (on both sides), healing, etc. between them. Easily my favorite duo in the game to study with my microscope lol

[sanasanakun]

Full on my twitter....

[sanasanakun]

I’ve created an insane Mouthwashing fanfic in my head based solely on the question of “what would I do if I was in Anya’s situation?” And because I’m a raging narcissist that can turn off my moral code and feelings at will (for the most part), I have created the perfect plan that would avert all (physical) disaster. But my god….the fandom…they’d hate me for what I’d do lol therefore the fanfic will NEVER come to light. It is not meant to escape its cage in my mind palace.

[sanasanakun]

Mouthwashing

[sanasanakun]

most important part of the writing process actually is when you loop a single song on max volume and stare at the word document and imagine the characters doing things for 14 hours. this is known as getting in the zone

[sanasanakun]

Jimmy being named after A&W is so funny cause he looks exactly like Lana Del Rey’s type of man.

[sanasanakun]

This did numbers in the wrong organ server so here y’all go