#which i am not paying because i have discovered i can tear up my own carpet and drywall

[nim-lock]

thanks me friend for saving me $3k in damage restoration company costs

I must still spend $2k in refinishing the floor but that is a non-negotiable amount after the sewer backed up into my carpet

[kurishiri]

alfons sylvatica . . . episode.0

— this translation may not be 100% accurate or contain creative liberties due to characterization or narrative flow purposes. if you enjoy, please consider reblogging, but don’t repost these or claim these as your own!

— cw: depiction of death.

I do so wonder, were I to say, “Life is but a tragedy,” would you disagree with me?

Well, in the end, it matters not if you agree or disagree.

Everyone is free to interpret what’s before them in their own way. Much like everyone is free to choose how they face reality.

By this, then, if I were to state my personal views on this, I would claim for certain that life is but a tragedy.

Ah, but by no means am I embracing a pessimistic perspective.

If you find reality to be unpleasant, you need only seek out an escape.

Even should an escape fail you, though——

madness will still remain your friend.

In the back alley, where twilight drew near, I happened upon an elderly man collapsed on the ground.

With my hands on my knees, I crouched down beside him. In response, the man’s hollow eyes, devoid of any sign of vitality, looked my way.

Elderly man: Ahh… it’s you.

Alfons: Yes, indeed, it is none other than me.

I do, in fact, have quite a large circle of acquaintances.

That goes especially for people like this man, who had been driven out from the light.

Alfons: Might there a final dream you wish to see?

Elderly man: ………My wife.

Elderly man: I………would like to say sorry………

Alfons: …Is that so.

For a miraculous, utterly unrealistic happening to occur in the finale, right before the curtain closed on a play, would be the universal joke of all comedies.

Alfons: See now, look there. Isn’t it great? “Your wife has come to see you.”

Elderly man: ………Ahh…ahh…

When I murmured this while touching the back of his neck, the man’s eyes widened, tears brimming slightly at the edge of his eyes,

and unable to say the words ‘I’m sorry’ until the end, he drew his last breath.

Alfons: Did she smile for you in your final dream?

A: …Or so I ask, but I can hardly say I’m very interested in the answer.

I gently closed his eyes before promptly leaving the place myself.

(Now, I say it’s about time to search for something new to kill off this boredom.)

Upon leaving the alleyway, I found myself in a twilight-colored London, filled with livelihood,

and the people, in their restlessness, couldn’t bother to pay heed to the fact that just a step in the alleyway would reveal quite a ghastly death.

That would make up the majority. ——However.

(…Oh?)

A postwoman passed me by, running the opposite direction as me,

and as she entered the alleyway where the man was lying, she suddenly stopped.

(So she realized him…?)

At first, I held no interest, but now I was curious to see what this postwoman would do, so in a daze, I stared after her.

She hesitated to step into the alleyway, which had begun to sink in the twilight,

instead looking around her before running toward some patrolling police officers who were some ways away.

(Aww, truly a fool she is. If only she simply feigned ignorance…)

(As the first witness of the body, she will be questioned and subsequently end up tardy for her deliveries.)

But if she left the body, either the police or the cleaners would have discovered it eventually.

(I take it she is the type to carry more burdens than she needs to.)

The kindest people are the easiest to hurt. Such habits are troublesome because it is much like walking into a bush of thorns.

(A pitiable soul she is.)

(Her naïve honesty will be her downfall and lead her to scenes that reek of blood…)

(Well, I suppose I can only hope this theory remains as such.)

Victor: You went out and used your ability again, didn’t you, Alfons?

The next day, the one who caught me in the hallway was the Queen’s Aide, who was laughing wryly.

Alfons: Well, now, whenever could that be? If you remain so vague like that, I’m afraid I will be unable to pin down exactly which incident you speak of.

A: You see, I am but a frugal soul who is simply using what is at his disposal.

Victor: Just as a friendly reminder, you guys’ existences are to be kept confidential, okay?

Alfons: Now, now, why so caught up in the gritty details?

A: After all, I reckon my ability is about as good as a plain old crook when put next to one like William’s.

Victor: Good lord, you naughty boy, you. It’s a no from me, I say, no!

With an air of jest surrounding his warning, his jewel-like eyes narrowed.

Although he was likely scheming a thing — or perhaps two, this respectable person’s true colors still remained ever unfathomable.

Victor: Anyway, all that aside, tonight marks the day of the mission. Have you made your preparations?

Alfons: Yes, but of course.

Crown, a villainous organization that used evil to fight evil, was going to condemn a target tonight.

It was just going to be like any other dull mission that gave me no room to show a sweet dream in one’s dying moments.

Or, that was what I thought.

As per William’s command, the target slit their own throat, and it was right after that.

The door opened, and in came none other than that postwoman.

Kate: ——!?

Drawing in a breath, I could hear the sound come from her throat.

(…Aww…)

(I know I had foreshadowed this, but even for a prediction, is this not much too soon?)

(Goodness, I just cannot help but wonder how that naïve honesty led you here.)

With blood staining her cheeks, she simply stood there, dumbfounded.

I could practically hear the sound of the cruel reality before her piercing through her gentle heart, even now.

(Oh, please, I would prefer anything over this serious air.)

A dull and boring mission turning into a stage set for a tragedy was much too common to hold an ounce of my interest.

(And if this is bound to become a tragedy,)

(why not simply make it a most amusing stage instead?)

If you find reality to be unpleasant, you need only seek out an escape. Even should an escape fail you, though…

Alfons: Well, well, to think we had an audience.

——madness will still remain your friend.

In the end, the lady, who introduced herself as Kate, was given a joke of a role dubbed as a ‘fairytale keeper,’

and it was decided that she would be staying in this den of evil for a month.

Alfons: She truly is hapless… I’m certain anyone would find themselves more at home in this world of darkness than a lady such as her.

Shrugging my shoulders while heading toward my own room, Elbert, who was walking beside me, turned to me with worry.

Elbert: …Are you alright, Al?

Alfons: Yes? Now whatever could you be referring to?

Elbert: Well… you seemed somewhat sad, if I had to say.

Alfons: Ahha! I assure you I am anything but.

A: Why, in fact, when will such an opportune moment arise again, where I will have a most interesting plaything for an entire month? Do you truly believe I have capacity for anything but amusement?

Elbert: …I see.

To me, this ordeal was naught but a new plaything, having stumbled in here, I can use to fill this life with amusement.

And to her, this ordeal was naught but the darkness of England that she did not have to witness, and a troublesome role that was pushed onto her.

(And for the both of us, if this can become an entertainment that can divert us, even for a moment, that is all it needs to be.)

Alfons: Truly… I do look forward to this.

Reality knows nothing but cruelty: it will only eat away at your heart before throwing you in the middle of the darkness.

So cease this folly act of trying to face it directly and getting yourself hurt.

(Now——may the time pass us by, much like a most amusing dream.)

�� prev next →

NOTE: and this would mark the start of alfons’ route! i feel this route may probably be the least romantic-feeling out of the ones released so far; of course, that’s not to say there isn’t romance, but the way he expresses love is quite subtle and the romance may feel overshadowed by his issues. but i hope the high drama can make up for any (perceived) lack of romance!

truth be told, i feel this route may end up dividing the fandom when it comes to alfons, especially with his actions. and you may find yourself surprised at how kate ends up sort of toughing it out to the very end with him. but i do think, overall, it does take a read through of this route to really understand and delve into the parts of his character the other routes seem to only hint at.

i hope you enjoy this wild ride, if you choose to ride along with me!

masterlist🪞 ╱ ko-fi ☕️

꒰ ִ ֺ ⊹ @ tags🏷️ ⊹ ֺ ִ ꒱ @drachonia @.comment or dm to be added or removed!

[queerpossumtrenchcoat]

Let's talk gender expression, awful haircuts and realisation of who I am! I came out as gender fluid approximately around the age of the third picture above- and I got an awful haircut to match it, but at the time I felt like THE gender vibe; I was 13, or so, and didn't realise I looked like I'd had a fistfight with a weed whacker. It was a stepping stone however, for me to discover who I was; after this time I started to experiment with my look, name and pronouns, leaning more towards he/they and slowly changing my name from Jaimee to Jai and or James- small steps, I know, but crucial ones in me realising my dead name no longer really fit me as a person. James was a family name after all. Finding myself wasn't always glamorous, the look wasn't always particularly handsome or pretty, it was colour the tips of my hair with sharpie markers and conditioner until my hair had a distinctly petrol-and-macadamia type stench or cutting it with a cheap, disposable razor which ended up giving me hair reminiscent of the early 2000s emo scene (which I totally was, even if I only saw 6 years of the 'early 2000s!'). I would hack off chunks, flatten my chest with cheap Duct Tape and wear boxers I stole from my dad in order to feel some semblance of who I was, using makeup to poorly build cheek bones and eyebrows so I could look like my hero at the time, Brendon Urie (God, that aged poorly..) In time I got creative, I learned that my parents wouldn't let me get a 'real boy's haircut' so I'd have to improvise; here came the next 6 months of beanie hats and ponytails pulled over to create a 'boy fringe' which, in retrospect, was giving more Justin Beiber than Emo Quartet, but that all chained when I turned 16 and... Got to dye my hair for the first time!! It was the greatest experience for my gender to date!! My mother bought me midnight blue hairdye for my 16th birthday and helped me dye it; I looked in the mirror at my fairly short ish, dark blue hair and I saw it. I saw him, stood staring back at me with tears in his eyes. I saw ME. I told my girlfriend, at the time anyway, straight away and she accepted me with open arms- I think she was expecting the genderfluid-to-trans masc timeline, which funnily enough he followed in 2022 during lockdown. Lockdown dug its claws into my gender and expression quite deeply; while at home with my mother, father and two very young siblings I came to experiment with my gender a lot more, dressing in more masculine clothes and cutting my hair off for 'sake of ease', or that's what I told my parents anyway- they believed it too, surprisingly. I went through college having to somewhat pretend I was just a feminine man, I was exhausted and on the brink of suicide, as most people my age at the time were, and went by Eden because it seemed more palatable to the others around me- didnt stop me being picked on, but it wasn't by students... It was my own teacher! Shout out to Miss Dunsby! Then I dropped out of college. I picked up a shitty little cafe job as a barista and linecook, cooking meals, making coffees, pretending I gave half a shit about a joke I'd heard over and over again; I dyed my hair neon green and used my pay checks to get it cut SHORT short for the first time- I looked hella fine, in my opinion, but I was also starting to realise something.. Maybe I had been right the first time, because I didn't feel like a man all the time. Back to the drawing board... One shaved head and a job at a gay bar later, I started using the art of drag, performing as a female persona, to realise that I was Masc-Agender, like a boyish presenting genderless person. Easy enough, I suppose. I started wearing makeup, being myself and wearing whatever I damn pleased, uncaring of social cues and rules, I was me. I was happy. I AM happy. If there is anything you can take away from this, once you find the part of yourself you can express your feelings, thoughts and emotions with, go wild!! I did and it made realising my truth so much easier!

[chalkrevelations]

So, a whole complex of things I noticed in Ep 1 of Kiseki: Dear To Me:

First of all, the mental calculus Bai Zongyi does when he overhears his boss talking about the one-night stand who cleaned him out is HILARIOUS. He goes tearing back home, and I'm like, my guy. Even in your financial straits, why wouldn't you be willing to lose your rice cooker to get rid of the gangster blackmailing you into letting him hole up in your apartment living his best stay-at-home girlfriend life? If you get back home and your rice cooker is gone, but the actualfax criminal who took over your bed by repeatedly threatening to report you on ginned-up aggravated assault (if not murder) charges is also gone, is this not a net gain? I feel that many people would come to a different conclusion on that calculation than you did. Perhaps you do need help with math. (Protip: Your erstwhile math tutor is not unbiased.)

ANYWAY.

I think it's interesting and maybe telling that one of the things Zongyi overhears his boss saying is that "a greedy person steals everything." Because there's a few things going on here that relate to Fan Zherui, including the fact that he keeps insisting he's going to pay everything back double - triple, even! - even as he whines his way into getting Zongyi to bring home more and more stuff for him, too many treats for his "little tummy" supposedly to handle. (I see what you did there, A-Rui. I am not as dumb as a 17-year-old boy - usually at least - and you are not as slick as you'd like to think you are.) Additionally, Zherui tells Zongyi more than once that there's nothing worth stealing in his ratty little apartment, so apparently he has some standards, instead of just being greedy for whatever he can get his hands on.

BUT.

But when Zongyi gets home to find Zherui unlocked and still lounging around on his front balcony like a stray cat that's been fed, we discover that Zherui has taken something from Zongyi behind his back. Zongyi has very deliberately not told Zherui his name, including in a previous scene when Zherui explicitly asked for it. So at some point, Zherui has gone through Zongyi's stuff and discovered his name - and who knows what else about him. He's taken the identity that Zongyi wanted to keep from him, which is like a kind of theft.

How interesting, that nothing else in that little apartment is worth as much as Zherui's shoes, nothing else is worth taking, but Zongyi's name - his identity, his self - is. How interesting, that Zongyi is what Zherui sees value in, already, enough to be worth trying to steal for himself, figuratively, if not literally, at this point.

HOWEVER.

Almost immediately, Zherui tries to "pay back" Zongyi for what he's taken by offering his own name (which Zongyi has never asked for). It comes out as a kind of formal declaration "I, Fan Zherui, will ..." I don't know, something or other, whatever he says he's gonna do that is already out of my head because it's not as important as the fact that he felt he had to repay Zongyi by offering his own name in return for what he took. This is really, really noticeable, because while it's a good way for us, as the audience, to learn his name, it's not necessary, because Ai Di and Chen Yi have already talked to and about him, using his name, earlier in the episode.

That declaration of his name isn't there for the audience. It's solely for Zongyi.

If it's an exchange, it's not stealing, right?

How interesting, that Zherui wants Zongyi to have his name - his identity, his self - wants Zongyi to have him, that Zherui offers himself like this, even this early on.

Here I am. Take me. Keep me.

[adambja]

Hi Adam

I don't know why I'm telling you this to be honest hehe,but as my fav blogger I want to ask you for advice.

So I discovered the law last two years and for 8 months I tried using subliminals each one month but no matter how hard I stuck to one subliminal it never gave me results.

Then last year I read motivation on loa and all in other bloggers post but I never manifested anything no matter how hard I tried,I tried to be the creator of my reality,I pretended to be living my dream life even though I was broke asf and my family was suffering,ppl called me stupid but I didn't care,even when I never got results I believed it would come soon,I literally kept convincing myself for a year,I worked so hard but nothing happened,I never Manifested anything,and then I heard about the void state,I didn't believed in it but then I saw success stories and I believed it immensely,I thought there's still hope for me,for months I suffered but I pushed through and tried to get into the void state every day and every night,I worked on my self concept,I applied the law in every way but then nothing happened and then my dad fell ill,I was worried and I kept affirming to manifest his health,I affirmed in tears and I was fed up.i wanted to pay you for a custom tape because I thought it might help me but then I had no cent on me,so I could only keep affirming and affirming but nothing happened and then my mum died,she couldn't keep up with all of these,I had no siblings so yeah,then the dad died too.but I still didn't give up I didn't want to but it's useless,right now when I see any blogger giving ppl motivation,it annoys the hell outta me,I know I might be wrong but the law never helped me so now I'm gonna be sent to an orphanage home tomorrow in which girls are constantly molested each time,I literally pass by and see guys trying to touch them and I don't wanna go there please I need your advice,I'm tired of all these you are the creator speeches it's annoying to be honest,I wouldn't say I didn't try enough because I did extremely well,my phone is the only thing supporting me right now pls I need you to tell me what to do,it was my dad's gift to me on Christmas,he worked so hard to buy me one.ive tried every method possible

Most of y'all think you've had it bad??? I've faced worse,I don't even have access to my own house because of my fucking family members y'all give up immediately you try something

I tried for over 2 years but I never got anywhere and I need help,I'm going insane,if there's anything you can do to help me please do if there isn't then it's okay

First of all

My name isn't Adam it's adambja baby it's A GIRL HERE AND THIS IS WHAT I CALL A TRAUMA DUMPING THAT'S it

I didn't read anything because I am about to sleep I am so tired but you are welcome to talk to me privately and we will see

I understand your frustration and all your feelings and all this anger about some bloggers here saying the same repeated things over and over!

It's not my responsibility either cause I am not even like them hopefully I helped a lot of people here!

But when you send me a message make sure you tell me about what you want from the tapes if you are gonna buy them BECAUSE I DON'T MAKE CUSTOM TAPES FOR FREE you gave me your whole life thing how would I even help you if you aren't paying me for your personalized tape or coaching!!!!

I CAN LITERALLY HELP YOU IN ONE MONTH WITHOUT ANY VOID SH IN YOUR NORMAL PHYSICAL REALITY I DID HELP A LOT OF PEOPLE WHO HAD THE WORST SITUATIONS YOU CAN EVEN IMAGINE!

This is the issue here guys

This is MY ISSUE okay? Stop trauma dumping instead tell me WHAT DO YOU WANT TO HAPPEN!!! NOT WHAT HAPPENED CAUSE IDGAF ABOUT WHAT HAPPENED I AM HERE TO MAKE YOUR NEW REALITY HAPPEN

Again the old story MUST BE DEAD!

Also baby you need tapes NOT TALK NOT WORDS YOU NEED TO REWIRE YOUR SUBCONSCIOUS MIND

How SHOULD I MAKE THE OLD STORY DEAD, ADAMBJA?

Just tapes THAT'S WHY I AM MAKING TAPES WITH BENEFITS ITS BETTER IN MANY WAYS

And that's what I am originally a coach for!

[toushindai]

Life-Sized Blogging

toushindai / 30s / cis female (she/her/hers)

A known bisexual. Administrative coordinator by day. Writer also by day. Asleep by night, unless something’s gone terribly wrong. Autistic, at all hours.

My special interests take the form of serial fandom obsessions. It’s currently and very narrowly whatever the fuck Rauru and Ganondorf have going on in Tears of the Kingdom right now. If you followed me for (counts backwards on fingers) Hades, Transistor, Baccano!, Soul Eater, or any other fandom I don’t post about anymore, sorry about that. I do not have any control over the direction of the special interest.

I write a lot of fanfiction, specializing--I may as well cop to this, I think it's been the case since I was in college--in what we'll call eroticized power dynamics. You can find me on AO3. You'll also find me occasionally peddling my wares on my nsfw twitter. My main twitter, wallofillusion, should be considered defunct at this point.

Below the cut, I'd like to highlight a few of the fics or fic series that I'm proudest of for each fandom.

Tears of the Kingdom

Questions of Kingship: Two PWP one-shots followed by a multichapter plotted work. Elements of dubcon and noncon throughout. Recommended if you like made-up politics, think TOTK maybe should have thought a little harder about the implications of its made-up politics, or just want to see two horrible men who hate each other fuck about it.

Following Ganondorf's oath of fealty to Hyrule, Rauru "invites" the Gerudo chief to stay at Hyrule Castle while Gerudo's subsumption into Hyrule is negotiated. It's a strategic action; Rauru does need to keep an eye on him. But his frustration with Ganondorf's false humility hides a desire that even he is not comfortable with, and Ganondorf has his own plans for the self-styled king of Hyrule.

Hades

Hello it is I a megzag main. reach out and grasp will be your best starting point. It focuses on Megaera's friendship with Thanatos and how it is affected by her (and Thanatos's) relationship with Zagreus. This series is available as a pay-what-you-want e-book at itch.io. From there, feel free to branch out; there is a lot of porn here and some things that are not porn. A further guide to my Hades fic can be found here.

Transistor

Not so much of the power dynamics in this fandom but I love Red/Boxer so much. I am not immune to a sword with a gentle voice. Here's the two of the on the verge of becoming a couple; here's what was as far as I can tell the first Red/Boxer smut on the entire internet even though I showed up three years late. Here is a post-game fic in which they finally must discuss the final act of the game.

Baccano!

Maskmaker trio my beloved. I've written over 100k across two separate "Monica is alive" AUs and my sole comfort is that I could never be as obsessed with this thought as Huey is.

Mad Religion is a one of my masterworks: set in the 2001 of an AU where Monica never died, Huey and Monica stumble upon a branch of SAMPLE only to discover that Elmer has already stumbled upon the cult on his own and is trying to make their sacrifice smile. Because that's what he's for--isn't it? If you like writing dealing with unnamed religious trauma, this one is for you.

Other than that--wow I cannot even begin to summarize my work in this fandom. Here's Ronny and Maiza getting to know each other in 1711. Here's Huey being the worst father imaginable to Liza. Here's a lil tone poem of Huey thinking on Monica and Elmer in the 1930s. Conversely here is Fermet leaning real hard on Huey's boundaries. There's more out there, my friends, but it's so scattered. I'm not even mentioning Ronny/Lucrezia here.

Soul Eater

Hello it is I a Medusa/Stein main. And also a "Stein's relationship with Lord Death/authority" main (I was working through some things at the time).

What it Means to Lose Control: When Stein has to give up control in order to fight, some are more than willing to step in and claim it from him. A Medusa/Stein divergent AU. I turned this into an e-book, with some side stories included; you can get that here (mobi | epub)

A God without an Ego: An examination of the relationship between Stein and Lord Death—where it works and where it falls apart. Looks like I never put this one on AO3... well, I'm not linking each piece individually on ff.n. The best way to read these ones is on e-book (mobi | epub)

Prior fandoms

If you want to go further back than "the tail end of my college years" godspeed and for god's sake please don't tell me about it. WallofIllusion on ff.n, you'll find some The World Ends With You, some Ace Attorney (original trio), some Death Note, and some Yu-Gi-Oh!. Also more Soul Eater than I transferred over to AO3.

[dangerpronebuddie]

I'm so sick of feeling like this.

Just need to rant for a moment because I am so frustrated with myself.

A couple years back, I started having a constant pain in my knee. I went to the doc and he recommended physical therapy. My PT discovered my hips were really misaligned. Like how the fuck are you walking misaligned. She set them back into place (which hurt like a bitch) but then a back pain set in and whenever I walked more than like, a hundred yards, I'd get this sharp pain down the outside of my shin and into my foot (and now the pain in the foot is a constant. It's never not there anymore). But the pain in my leg would never happen during a PT session, so she couldn't figure out what to do for it. When did it actually do it during one? Ten minutes before my final appointment ended. I couldn't keep going bc my insurance wouldn't pay it. But while I was there, she had me see their spinal specialist. She had to reset my hips again, and gave me different exercises to do. Whenever I did them, a new pain would show up. It was frustrating as hell and we all kinda gave up after that. I didn't bother going back to the doc to try and get the insurance to give me more appointments because it wouldn't have done anything.

For the past two-ish years since then, I've been putting up with chronic pain in my back/hips and that stabbing pain in my lower leg. But it's fine, I can usually manage most days.

My family, more often than not, just tell me to push through when it gets really bad. I know they hurt too, they have their own issues, but it really sucks because it makes me feel like they don't believe I hurt as bad as I do.

Anyway. There's only been a few times the pain brought me to tears. It's usually that sharp pain in my leg that does it (pretty sure it's a pinched nerve pero... ¯⁠\⁠_⁠(⁠ツ⁠)⁠_⁠/⁠¯. I stand still (or on a few memorable occasions fall over) and wait it out and then get about my business, cause what other option is there? Today though? Today was the worst I have felt in a long time.

I was cooking with my mom- something I love to do- but I've noticed lately I find it less and less enjoyable. For some stupid reason it took until today to figure out the pain is why. But anyway. My back really started to ache, but I pushed through. Mom was really hurting too (we think she and I have the same issue- whatever it is), so I just worked through it. I didn't want to leave her to finish all the work by herself. Things were fine, it was honestly a pretty average pain day. But I got up to do the dishes after we ate and a pain in the left side of my back had me sobbing. I couldn't- and still can't- stand upright. I had to have help to get to a chair. The back massager I use when it gets really bad only made it feel like pins and needles. I'm lying in bed afraid to move because the slightest wrong move will have me in tears again.

But the pain isn't what bothers me the most.

I feel useless. I'm so frustrated at the fact I don't know what's going on, let alone how to stop it. I don't know what makes it worse, what makes it better, nada. I have so little energy, some days I don't even want to leave my chair/ bed. I can't go back to the doc for it right now (which is a whole other issue in itself), so I'm left trying to figure out what the fuck is wrong with me. And coming up empty. I hate feeling like this. I hate bending over and constantly worrying if I'll be able to stand back up. I hate walking and having to stop just to let the pain subside. I hate this. I hate this, I hate this, I hate this.

[1up-girl]

20 Questions

1. How many works do you have on AO3? 10 works.

2. What's your total AO3 word count? 131,856

3. What fandoms do you write for? Only Zelda right now, but I have done stuff for Evangelion and Teen Titans in the past! Also looking to add a Shingeki no Kyojin piece in there soon.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos? Reverdie (413), Fragmentation (290), After the Rain (200), Tacet (188) and Finding and Keeping (175)

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not? Always! I'm very greatful for folks taking the time to read and comment on my stuff. It really means a lot to me, so I like to show my gratitude in the comments.

6. What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? Ooof uhhhh like none? I think I did some themed one-shots that were downers but like...I really can't bring myself to end on angsty notes.

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? They all end happy, but I think Love Stayed With Me has to be the happiest by default because [TOTK ending spoilers here]

8. Do you get hate on fics? Thankfully, no! It would be okay if I did, though. Like whatever, a hater isn't paying for my service so I wouldn't really care if they were wasting their energy in my comments section.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind? Yes! It depends on the situation, really. I'm a big fan of smut that is sort of exploratory and almost innocent, where two characters are exploring these feelings with one another and discovering that bliss for the first time. But on the other hand...I am like, beyond ready to write Link getting pegged LMFAO. I'm not too picky about smut.

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written? No... I don't think I have. I think I planned one when I was like 13 but I can't remember the fandoms or anything.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen? Have had stuff reposted without my permission on other sites, but my name was still attached to it. So like...not entirely stolen haha. No one reposted under a different author's name.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated? No, but I WOULD LOVE THIS

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before? Yesssss! Currently worked on A Song of Storms with @deiliamedlini!

14. What's your all-time favorite ship? I really think Zelink takes the cake for me. I've never simped so hard for a ship. I love how they are cosmically entwined, soulmates which can come in really lovely, heartfelt forms, or angsty, miserable forms. They aren't limited by one iteration. gOD.

15. What's a WIP you want to finish, but doubt you ever will? As much as I wish I could, I don't think a longfic is in the cards for me. I'm frankly not creative enough to keep the momentum up ;_;. Maybe if the right inspo hit. But at this point I write shorter things and I don't expect to not finish them at some point, even if they take a while to crank out.

16. What are your writing strengths? I like to think that I have strong ideas on characterizations, and that the prose carries the ideas that I'm trying to convey. (Particularly about Zelink.) I love the poetic imagery for them and enjoy metaphoers and loooove religious imagery for them as well.

17. What are your writing weaknesses? Absolutely fucking plot and also finding the balance between like, wanting langauge to be flowery and not overdoing it. I am always tearing my hair out over it.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic? Oh I'm very down lol

19. First fandom you wrote for? I think would have been Teen Titans when I was like 12.

20. Favorite fic you've ever written? UGHHHHH I don't know, maybe Reverdie because it was so music inspired? And I loooooove writing pining Link and the sexual tension between them. Part of me actually thinks about rewriting that and making it longer, dragging it out even more than just 4 chapters, but I think that's me being sadistic haha. Love Stayed With Me was also so personal to me because it was crafted sort of in real time with playing TOTK. And of course has all my own personal baggage tied into it.

THIS WAS FUN THANKS FOR TAGGING ME @zellink! I'll tag @deiliamedlini @wanderingnightingale @itcantbe @softlessly and anyone else who wants to do it!

[convexicalcrow]

Cub musing about various methods to induce memory loss, as well as memory recovery, as well as thoughts on masks, possession, and his own experience with memory loss and how that feels.

I am tempted to do a follow-up with Scar and some Area 77 stuff bc they also had memory wiping tech, but idk if he'd actually commit any of that to paper, especially if it was something Cub could access. But idk, I'll think about it.

Transcript below so you don't need to read my chicken scrawl. :D

Methods for Inducing Memory Loss A potion of water-breathing corrupted with magma cream, and then with the sap of weeping vines, creates the most reliable amnesia potion. This combination took me a long time to discover, as it wasn't particularly instinctive in terms of finding the right combination to produce the desired effect.

My initial experiments with night vision potions and ink sacs ended up creating some very effective blindness potions, which I was then able to refine into other options to disguise movement, weapon fire, footsteps, voices with a ghast tear and ice crystals, lots of different uses. Nothing like what I was looking for, but all still useful nonetheless.

Even when I did stumble upon the right formula for amnesia, it's still taken many months to work out the dosages and how they actually work on memory. Scar and I are used to memory loss due to Vex possession, and it's mostly discrete blocks of time that get cut. We remember things if They allow it, but mostly They do not.

We do need to be wearing our masks, though, for the possession to work. The Vex have never said why this is necessary for unlocking the transformations They require, but masks have been used for possession in many cultures for thousands of years, so it makes sense that the Vex are tapping into similar magics.

Memory loss is common with these possessive magics too, thoughnot all possession does need masks. The memory loss was a surprise and a shock at first when Scar and I first got the Vex masks. I remember Scar spending hours trying to create potions to recover his memories. It did panic him at first, but the Vex soon manages to soothe him. Now he doesn't care.

For myself, I find it, well. I notice things floating into my dreams that feel like memories, even if I can't verify them. But I got used to the memory gaps because it's the price I pay for what the Vex have given me.

I will admit that I have, at times, dabbled in memory recovery potions. Just out of curiosity. Just to see if it can be done. That also took a while, but combining honey, milk, and gunpowder to night vision potions did seem to be the most reliable. Of course, I tested these on someone other than me or Scar. Scxar did offer, but I just felt the Vex would be mad if I used the potions on ourselves.

I'll have to write up these recipes later, because they require some quite difficult brewing. I needed to modify a brewing stand to get the concentrations I needed. Distillation is super important and has to be done with precision or the potions won't work. Memories are super sensitive to tampering, and an incorrectly brewed amnesia potion can remove far more than you intend, and a memory recovery potion that's too strong can recover things you may not wish to remember.

They are not potions to use trivially, and with little care. In many cases, there are reasons to simply let the memories be lost, rather than risk recovering or forgetting too much or too little.

Sometimes Scar and I stay up all night, thining about when we first got the masks. Remembering what we can about that time. The Vex, of course, have memories of all the pranks, and we're allowed to remember the final forms, but everything else is lost to us. Sometimes we revisit them, too. Not for any reason, just to- sometimes, it's nice to reassure ourselves they really happened. We did those things.

Last time we did that, Scar asked me if False remembers anything. I'm not really sure. She's never realy talked to us about it. I do sometimes feel Vex magic coming from her, but something always tells me not to pry. If the Vex still have business with her, that's for Them to deal with. We'll know if it's important to know. Until then, False is her own person. Can't say I don't think about it. She did wear a mask, even for a short time, and surely that has to have had some kind of effect. Maybe one day I'll ask her about it.

[beestypos]

Nightmares & Cuddles

a/n: I am currently on mobile, so apologies for any weird formatting. Anyways, here’s some Tsumiki content because she deserves so much more. Characters: Tsumiki and reader Possible Spoilers (I believe this is all season 1 content, but I'm not a 100% sure)

You were awoken by a small hand grabbing at you in your bed. It was Tsumiki, holding her new plush. She looked worried and a bit teary eyed when she whispered, “Megumi is having a bad dream and I can’t wake him up,”

You get out of bed, gently so as to not disturb Satoru, and follow Tsumiki into her brother’s bedroom, where Megumi was whimpering and crying softly, his head turning from side to side as he tried to reach for something. You started to let your cursed energy flow around you, using reverse cursed technique (something that you had discovered had a rather calming effect on people around you when you used it), as you gently called his name and murmured softly into his hair. You watched as his breathing calmed down and the tossing and turning stopped. As he slowly curled back into a ball, you placed his favourite plushy into his arms, before moving back a strand of hair and kissing his forehead.

You turned around to find Tsumiki, standing in the doorway, still looking anxious. Lifting her up in your arms, you carry her to her room and lay her in bed. You continue using reverse cursed technique and mutter in her ear that everything is alright, hoping to calm her down further, to no avail.

“What’s wrong, Tsumi?” Her silence makes you wonder if she had woken up because of her brother’s noise or if she had had a nightmare of her own, which leads you to ask her, “Did you also have one, Tsumi?” She nods, looking down at her fox-patterned sheets. “Do you want to talk about it?” You prompt her gently, putting a stray strand of hair behind her ear.

“Megumi’s father was back. And he was yelling at Megumi to control his dogs or else… or else he would not get the money his family would give when Megumi is old enough… and then, we were here, and his family came and.. and they.. they took Megumi away,” she cried into your chest as you rubbed circles into her back and thought about what she had told you.

“Hey, hey,” you whisper into her ear, “that will never happen — Megumi is never going to go there, or anywhere else for that matter. He’s staying with us. And his father will never, ever, come back. I promise you, Tsumiki.”

“But what if he chooses to go? I know that it’s selfish, but.. but…. I don’t want to be alone.” She mumbled, so quietly that you almost did not catch the last part.

Selfish? you thought, how could she think that she’s selfish?

This girl who had managed to live, no survive, with her younger brother for over a year, alone, in a small apartment in a rather sketchy part of town. Who had managed to save up enough money to pay taxes, buy groceries (although they weren’t exactly always very nutritious), provide money for the school and pay for Megumi’s school trips. Who had spent so much of her time worrying over her younger brother before herself. ‘Selfish’ was a strange word indeed.

“Tsumiki, I want you to listen to me very carefully right now, alright?” You said, waiting until she looked up at you to continue speaking, “Wanting to stay with your brother, who, if I may add, you practically raised, and being afraid of him being taken away is not something that is selfish — you have the right to feel that way.” Although it definitely isn’t a normal fear to have, you think.

“And I promise you with my entire soul that no one is going to separate you. As long as ‘Toru and I can help it, neither of you will ever be taken — much less by those Zenins.” You add, firmly, smiling as she slowly wiped the tears that had fallen from her eyes and her body started to relax.

You stay like that for a while, her still on her bed, leaning against your chest. There is no longer a need for words, just comfort.

“Can you sleep with me tonight?” She whispers into your chest. You smile softly at this request; it was the first time she had ever asked this and not only did it mean that she trusted you, but also it felt like such a childlike question that you were also happy that she was acting her age.

You settled into the bed, you never had had the time to buy a proper one for children and had ended up with the queen sized bed from your childhood home. She huddled close to your chest, as you wrapped your arms around her.

That’s how Megumi and Satoru found you the next morning, before going downstairs to make breakfast for the four of you.

[boredwritergirl]

Day 27 - Flowers on The Moon

This is another edit of a random, old project I was working on, idk if i'll ever come back to it, but it'll be very different if i do

Flowers  on  The  Moon

Daisy woke up one morning to discover that she was pregnant.

This highly disturbed her, which makes a lot of sense considering that she was 13 years old at the time.

Her boyfriend was only a couple of months older than her, his name was Darius, though everyone called him Dairy, not because he liked being called Dairy (He hated it), but because "Dairy and Daisy" made a cute couple.

The last couple of days Daisy had felt very sick. She was nauseated, fatigued and had cramps that hurt like a bitch. But what really grabbed her attention was that she missed her period. She had been getting them regularly for about a year or 2, so for her to miss one was very odd. She had recalled her mother making a bad joke about being pregnant. and the joke involved her missing her period.

All sorts of thoughts rushed through her head, like her conscious was yelling at her. Starting with thoughts like "What the fuck, what the fuck, what the fuck???!!!" followed by thoughts like "How am i going to tell my parents?How am i going to tell Dairy? I thought Dairy used a rubber!" The longer this train of thought went on, it began to sound less like yelling and more like screaming.

"How the fuck am I going to raise a baby, I'm only 13!!!" That last thought echoed through her mind for what felt like hours. In reality all this happened in a couple of seconds, she had just woken up About 10 minutes earlier and still hadn't gotten out of bed yet. It was early in the morning, but all those stressful thoughts running through her head at light-speed made it feel like time itself was going faster.

As that last thought continued to echo in her head, tears rolled down her face as she entered a trance like state, luckily for her she was not in a trance for very long as she was interrupted by a sound that was so loud it could practically wake up the dead, the sound of a spaceship crashing.

Daisy ran down the stairs at a speed that would make the strongest star-ship engines blush. As soon as she hit the foot of the stairs, she tripped and fell flat on her face and screamed in pain. Daisy's mom, Hazel rushed over to her, sitting down beside her and holding Daisy in her arms in a single motion.

"Sweetie are you OK?" Hazel worried

Daisy's response was an unintelligible mess of words and cries.

"It's going to be OK, take some deep breaths and calm down" Hazel continued.

Daisy decided to follow her mother's advice and take some deep breaths, until finally she was able to comprehensively speak "Mom, what's happening?"

"It's alright Daisy, a ship crashed outside town." "Did anyone get hurt?"

"Well, we're going to be sending out an expedition to scavenge for parts, so we'll see if anyone

survived the crash"

Daisy blankly looked at her mother, she had stopped paying attention to what Hazel was saying, her earlier thoughts re-entered her mind and had stolen her attention. "Can you get up?" questioned Hazel 

Daisy nodded Hazel Helped Daisy off the floor and said "You gotta be more careful Daisy, Now go back upstairs and get dressed before someone sees you"

Daisy just now realized that she was still wearing her rather shabby nightgown, her cheeks turned red with embarrassment.

Daisy was so nervous that the words "yes mom" just barely escaped her mouth right before she ran back up the stairs, while she wasn't as fast as she was on the way down, her trip back up the stairs was still quick.

It's at this point that Daisy put on her usual attire, her uniform. Pretty much everyone on the moon had a basic uniform which consisted of a dark colored jumpsuit and black boots, though each moon colony does have it's own unique flair to spice things up. Not many people visit the moon nowadays so I feel like I have to explain something. That centuries ago, before the machines rose to power, the moon colonies weren't colonies in the traditional sense.

These were "amusement parks" their goal was primarily for entertainment, though apparently the massive staff of these parks did in fact live at their work. Daisy's Colony was themed around a historical period called the "Old West" and what that meant was that most people in Daisy's colony wore large hats that probably have a name but everyone just calls them cowboy hats, as well as a body length jacket (called a "Duster"} or a poncho. There were no attempts to replicate the clothing of women from the old west in the last couple of centuries just because of how unbelievably impractical they were. Daisy however, never felt the need to add anything to her uniform, she was content with her dark brown jumpsuit that was slightly darker than her own skin tone.

Daisy went back down stairs into the tavern her family owned (The tavern was designed to look just like one from the old west). She came from a big family, being the youngest of the bunch, seven sisters and five brothers all older than her each had a wide array of responsibilities including farming, cooking, accounting & more. The tavern always did good business, this was apparent given that it was the only tavern in town or the only "saloon" as the sign outside said.

Though it was still early in the morning, the tavern was fairly empty, the only other people that were there were one of her brothers, some of her sisters and their mother cleaning and setting up the place to open for lunch in a few hours.

Hazel noticed Daisy and asked "Are you feeling better now?" Daisy replied "Yes"

"Good, now go outside and wash the windows" "Yes mom"

Daisy grabbed a bucket, some cleaning solution and a mop, she then marched outside and prepared to wash the saloon's large windows. If you live on mars then that last statement probably confused you, so let me explain. While people on Mars have to live inside a series of large domes and interconnecting tunnels, people who live on the Earth's moon and Venus don't have to, Back when the Human Empire was building colonies across the solar system they had developed some sort of "terraforming" device that can change a planet's atmosphere to support human life, they originally planned to use this on every planet but after using it on Venus and the moons of the solar system, they decided to stop. The only historical document I found on the subject stated that the reason why they stopped was because it was "Hella expensive".

Daisy was washing the windows for a few minutes but immediately stopped, literally dropping everything as she caught her boyfriend Dairy in the corner of her eye. She ran over to him, calling

his name to get his attention. She was crying as she ran into Dairy's arms, she had wanted to hug him, but this was more of a squeeze than a hug.

"Hey, you OK?" asked Dairy

"I feel like my life is falling apart" replied Daisy "What's going on?"

"Dairy, I. . . I have so much to tell you"

Then a deep, masculine voice interrupted them "Darius!"

Daisy hadn't noticed that Dairy wasn't alone, he was with his father, Montell. Montell was tall and

muscular, wearing a black hat & duster with a large backpack and holding 2 laser rifles.

Montell said "Come on Darius, we need to leave now so we can get back before sunset. You know I can't see a damn thing in the Earthlight."

Dairy said "Can it wait a bit? This sounds important"

Montell replied "Your girlfriend can wait,

Besides..." Montell holds one of the rifles towards Dairy "It's about time I show you how to use one of these"

Dairy’s eyes light up "Oh my god really? that's awesome" those words probably sounded fine in his head but he was so excited that he blurted all those words out swiftly and sloppily. He then grabbed the rifle from his father's hand and showed it off to Daisy.

"Isn't this awesome?!" exclaimed Dairy

"Dairy, I really need to tell you something" said Daisy worryingly

"Yeah, yeah. I'll talk to you later about that. right now I've gotta go help my dad scavenge that

ship that crashed earlier"

Dairy and Montell leave before Daisy can get another word out.

Daisy cried as they left.

Daisy knew that she needed to tell Diary about her pregnancy, she knew that her family and even his family needed to know about it too. But she couldn't tell anyone, she was scared, she was ashamed and she was alone.

About two hours later there was an explosion in the general direction of where the ship crashed.

Daisy's heart immediately filled with worry and her mind filled with thoughts of the very real possibility that Dairy died in the explosion, but thankfully she didn't have very long to worry

about it, because something strange followed that explosion, something that never happened on the moon before,  a sandstorm.

The sandstorm caused mass hysteria across the colony, those that could hide inside their homes, everyone else ran inside the saloon to hide, before long the saloon was packed with people, more so than even the busiest nights the staff had ever seen.

There was a lot of commotion among the crowd in the bar, many fights broke out, many beers were drunk and many tears flowed down frightened faces, the whole thing was a mess. Granted a good tavern could only be so neat, but this was a new low. After an hour, everyone started to calm down, the sandstorm was still as strong as it was an hour ago but at least the people in the tavern were calm. But unbeknownst to them, the calm wouldn't last long, the calm turned into the dead silence of fear with a knock at the door.

"Who could be out there?" someone asked

"Can anybody survive out there?" Asked someone else This led to a very brief but equally spirited debate about whether or not they should open the door. This conversation was brought to a complete halt by one of the owners, Hazel, who was sick & tired of their bullshit. "Everyone shut up!" yelled Hazel in a very determined tone. "This is my Saloon and I call the shots around here!" Hazel continued "And I say that we open the doors and let 'em in!" If there was one person that nobody in town didn't want to mess with it was Hazel, partially because she owned the best/only place to get a good drink in town but also because she was just that vicious when she was angry that most townspeople would rather fight against the sheriff than her if given a choice (It's a good thing that she doesn't get angry too often).

The people closest to the door comply and open it. Someone stumbles through the door, but this person isn't from the colony, literally nobody recognizes this person at all. as this stranger begins to walk into the saloon, the door closes behind them. The Stranger was wearing what was once probably a nice set of space armor but by now it was very scuffed up, with a big crack along the breastplate. The armor was purple and white, with a White Rose in the middle of her Breastplate which itself was half purple and half white with the two colors being split diagonally.

Hazel stepped towards the stranger and asked "Who are you?" The Stranger replied "Don't worry about that, I'll be on my way when the storm clears"

The stranger walked further inside, slowly stumbling through the crowd until they hit the wall and sat on the floor.Hazel followed the stranger through the crowd and asked "are you alright? do you need anything"

"Just a bit of rest" replied the White Rose, the crowd around the stranger slowly got back to normal but no one dared to approach them. Daisy thought about confronting the stranger several times in the hopes they knew where Dairy and Montell were, but Daisy could never bolster up the courage. A big part of why Daisy was too afraid was because of the Stranger's helmet or more specifically the pitch black visor on the helmet, Daisy was irrationally scared of looking into it. Daisy had other things to do anyway, she needed to help her family now that the saloon was so full.

A couple of hours had passed and nothing had changed. Daisy went into the bathroom and took a cold, hard look at  herself through the  long bathroom mirror. She wasn't crying but she looked like she could at any moment, even the slightest implication that Dairy was dead would be enough to set her off. But at one point that thought did enter her mind, she thought "what if Dairy dies, never knowing that he's gonna be a daddy?" That thought haunted her, she didn't cry but a sense of dread overcame her heart. Then suddenly, the White Rose entered the bathroom.

The White Rose also walked towards the mirror (though the mirror was quite large so Daisy and the Stranger weren't close to each other). Daisy was scared to approach the stranger before, but this intimidated her far more. Daisy couldn't help but stare at the stranger, who was just staring into the mirror. there was a long and tense silence until finally, the Stranger asked "You OK?"

"Huh" replied Daisy, being caught off guard "Are you OK?" The Stranger repeated

"No, I guess not" replied Daisy, her voice trembling, being far too nervous to come up with a lie.

"Yeah, me neither" The stranger said while taking off her helmet, revealing That she had curly black hair (That wasn't particularly long, but definitely not short), a big scar across her face and having a mixed array of facial features (which doesn't sound odd at first, after all people being of mixed race is far more common now than it was a couple of centuries ago, but this woman looked like she had a little bit of each race in her).

Daisy was taken aback, studying the Stranger's appearance. The stranger said "My name's Scarly, What's yours?"

After an ever so brief pause, Daisy blurted out "D-Daisy" 

"Daisy, that's a pretty name" said Scarly

"Thanks" replied Daisy, the words faintly escaping her mouth Scarly slightly crouched, just enough to reach Daisy's eye level. Then she said "Now Daisy, I'm going to ask you something that might

seem a bit . . . personal. Is that OK?"

Daisy nodded that it would be

"Daisy . . . Are you pregnant?"

Daisy froze, completely stunned by the question, in her head she asked "how did she know?", the only sounds that she was capable of making were nervous whimpers

The silence in the room didn't last too long as it was interrupted by Scarly "Yeah, I had a feeling"

There was a lot of weight behind Scarly's words, the way she said them was fairly stoic but filled

with remorse.

It took a while for Daisy to finally speak, but when she finally did she asked "How-How did you

know?"

"I looked at you and just knew." "Have you seen this before?"

"Yeah, you can say that" said Scarly, followed by a deep sigh that itself was followed by a

question "Who touched you?" "Huh?" replied Daisy

"I Said Who touched you?" "um. . ."

"Who's baby are you carrying?"

"Darius' baby" this was the first time in a very long time that Daisy could recall calling Darius

by his actual name instead of his nickname Dairy. She was very nervous for this whole conversation. Hell, she was nervous for this whole day. it's understandable for her not to be thinking clearly.

"Who is this Darius?" asked Scarly as she was clearly trying to hide her anger.

"He's my boyfriend" "Boyfriend?"

"Yeah, we had sex for the first time a couple of weeks ago. but we've we've always been around for

each other, ever since we were kids"

"But you are kids, the both of you, right? "you're starting to sound like my mom"

Scarly said "Oh" while looking a little embarrassed. "What's the matter?"

"Nothing Daisy, just a little misunderstanding, that's all" "Huh?"

"Never mind that. where is Darius anyway?"

"He's out there, in that storm. He went to go scavenge that crashed ship"

"That was my ship, I doubt anyone would be able to find anything useful in that busted old thing."

"I'm worried that he's not coming back" "Don't worry Daisy, of course he'll be back" "you think so?"

"Yeah, I do" said Scarly in a confident tone of voice, she then inquired "How long ago did he leave?"

Daisy thought about it a little and said "5 hours, I guess" 

"Then he should be back pretty soon"

"What do you mean?"

"Well it took me 3 hours to get here, so it'll take 6 hours for him to get there and back"

Daisy finally began to smile a little bit, "yeah, i guess you're right"

"Well I hope you and Darius the best" Scarly stood up, put on her helmet and began to walk away

"Thank you" said Daisy who finally started to calm down.

 "It's nothing," said Scarly, walking out of the bathroom.

Daisy left the bathroom not too long after Scarly did, but in that brief time something happened to sink fear back into her heart, the loud sounds of a second explosion and that of a distant roar.

"What the hell was that?!" yelled one of the bar patrons at the top of his lungs, the rest of the crowd began to buzz shortly thereafter.

"Calm down everyone!" Yelled Hazel, desperately trying to get the crowd under control. But despite her attempts, the crowd became more frantic with the sound of a second roar.

This time it was different, the second roar was followed by the surprisingly loud sound of distant footsteps and by loud I mean so loud that the vibrations of the sound were so intense that the very ground underneath the saloon shook. Not only that but even the liquid in people's cups was slightly shaking too, some poor bastard was unlucky enough to spill beer all over himself.

The footsteps themselves were slow moving, but one could easily hear that they were rapidly getting closer to the saloon. This only made the crowd's morale even worse, none of these people ever experienced anything like this before, no sandstorms, no louder than life roars, no footsteps that shook the ground, The people in that saloon were screaming & panicking. They were scared shitless.

All except for 3 people, Hazel, Scarly & surprisingly Daisy. These 3 were able to keep their cool under the pressure.

During the commotion, A man pulled out a laser rifle and shot at Scarly, but Scarly just barely managed to dodge it. "What the Hell?!" Scarly yelled being reasonably pissed off. "This is all your

fault" said the man

"No it ain't" replied Scarly in an annoyed manner. "Yes it is, you come here from outta nowhere, and a sandstorm happens and whatever the fuck is outside is trying to kill us"

"You're loco"

Hazel barely managed to squeeze through the crowd to get to where Scarly and the man are and she said "Damn it BillyBob, I Told you not to fire in the saloon"

BillyBob responded "Well why don't you tell this bitch to go back where she came from and to take her damn problems with her?"

"Let me guess, He's an idiot" said Scarly Hazel silently nods in agreement

Immediately after, Hazel's Husband, Robert (The Sheriff) sneaks up behind BillyBob and knocks him out with a single punch.

"Thanks" Said Scarly

"No problem" said Robert "He was asking for a good punch"

The Footsteps suddenly stopped. The Sound of the footsteps was replaced by the not so distant sounds of laser fire, more roaring and a bloodcurdling scream. Not too long later the footsteps continued, but a little bit later, someone entered the saloon.

It Was Montell. He ran into the saloon, closing the door behind him. He had lost an arm, was panting from exhaustion and was bleeding profusely. He yelled "Arm yourselves. We have to defend our home!"

Those were his last words before a giant tail smashed through the front of the saloon, killing him instantly.

The sandstorm poured into the saloon as Montell died. The remnants of the saloon's interior were in absolute chaos, but Daisy didn't care, she was lost in thought. After seeing Dairy's Dad die her thoughts once again went to worry about Dairy. This time was different however, Now more than ever she was determined to find Dairy, whether he's dead or alive, she had to know.

As the storm began to clear, people were finally able to get a look at this creature and it was a real monster. It was so big that it's foot was about the size of the saloon itself, it's head was the size of a small star-ship and it's tail was almost as long as their biggest crop field. Everything about this monster was massive, except for the arms, by all accounts the arms were surprisingly tiny.

The people in the saloon freaked out at the sight of it, even Scarly let out a "Oh Shit".

Daisy stared into The giant lizard monster, she saw those sharp teeth it had and she believed that she was about to die. But before the monster could turn around and take a bite out of the colony's population, it was shot.

The shot originated from outside the saloon, the person behind the gun was Dairy. Dairy was bruised, battered and bleeding, but when Daisy saw him she didn't see any of that, she just saw Dairy, the boy she loved.

Daisy called out to him with a smile upon her face as she was never so happy to see him.

Dairy called out to her too, looking really happy to see her as well.

But what Dairy didn't notice was that his shot got the monster's attention and the monster ran over to him and bit him in half, completely devouring everything above Dairy's waist.

Daisy was in tears, she fell to her knees and then collapsed on the floor. No matter what she couldn't stop herself from crying.

But what the monster didn't realize was that easting people wasn't good for it. It was not an actual creature but a robot designed to look like a creature and eating a whole human torso in one

gulp got it stuck in one of the robots vital systems, the one that allows it to move. The Monster's legs stopped working.

Scarly took this opportunity to grab BillyBob's Laser Rifle and sneak behind the monster. She then jumped on the monster's back and climbed up it. The Monster tried to shake her off when she got to it's head. Then Scarly stuck the laser rifle into the monster's eye and overloaded it to explode as she slid down the monster's back, painfully crashing onto the ground at high velocity.

The explosion killed the monster, making it's large body fall to the ground. It did land on a building on the way down but no one was inside so nobody cared, well almost nobody at least.

BillyBob woke up to see lots of people cheering in relief, they were ecstatic to come out of this alive, but not BillyBob, he was furious because the monster fell on his house, completely destroying it and everything inside.

BillyBob saw Scarly struggle to get up and picked up a laser rifle he found on the ground. They're quite common in the colony so there were several scattered along the saloon's messy floor. As Scarly got up and slowly started walking, BillyBob aimed his gun and said "You Damn, Dirty Bitch, you destroyed my house!"

Robert got in between BillyBob and Scarly and said "Easy now, just put the gun down"

BillyBob responded "That bitch deserves to pay for what she's done"

It's OK, we'll build you a new house, just relax"

While this conversation was happening Scarly was messing around with her helmet, it was broken when she fell at this point in the conversation she gives up trying to fix it and throws it onto the ground. But apparently she was listening to the conversation. She finally joined in and asked "Hey, if this town is inspired by the Old West, does that mean dueling is legal?"

"A Duel?" asked Robert "Well, technically yes, but there hasn't been a duel in these parts for generations." "What do you say BillyBob, you interested?"

BillyBob Took a second to think and then began to laugh a bit "You think you can take me? Now

that's rich. I Accept the offer"

It didn't take long to set up the duel, before long the 2 duelists found themselves nearly twice the distance of the saloon's length from each other. 

Robert declared "When This coin hits the ground you both fire, last person standing wins"

Robert tossed the coin in the air, Back before the empire started messing with the Moon's atmosphere this coin flip would have been impossible due to its low gravity, but it didn't take too

long for the coin to hit the ground on that day. The anticipation was intense while that coin was

in the air, audience members swear that the time it took for the coin to land felt significantly longer than it actually was.

When the coin finally landed, Scarly had drawn first, but yet BillyBob had hit her first, you see BillyBob was armed with a laser rifle while Scarly was armed with some antique that she likes to

carry around called a "Revolver". There are 2 major differences between these weapons that you must know. First, A laser weapon is much faster than a projectile weapon and that's why it hit first,

but Scarly's armor was able to take a laser shot to the chest even after being so beaten up. Second, That a laser weapon typically can't kill a person, most laser weapons are modified EMP technology  that we used to fight off the robots all those years ago, they're made for killing robots, not people. They can stun people but not kill them (well maybe if they had a heart condition or something), but Scarly's Gun, that "Revolver", that's designed to kill people, and by kill people I mean fucking obliterate them.

Scarly hit BillyBob right in the head with her hand cannon, his head exploded into a million pieces. People in the crowd began screaming, they weren't prepared to see another man die and they had never seen a man's head explode before.

Scarly began to walk away but she was suddenly stopped by Robert

Robert yelled "What the Hell is wrong with you,? You just killed that man!"

"He agreed to a duel, he knew the consequences"

"The hell he did! I didn't even know the consequences!" "He was asking for someone to put him out of his misery" Robert felt a chill down his spine "You're sick" "Whatever"

Scarly walked out of the town, wandered across the surface of the moon until she eventually

stumbled on another colony.

It turns out that Scarly actually did have a part to play in starting all this, when her ship crashed it crashed right on top of a lost, forgotten secret underground lab and the sandstorm wasn't really a sandstorm but a bunch of dust flowing from the centuries old lab into the atmosphere. The second explosion was caused by a damaged battery in Scarly's ship and that explosion freed the monster from the underground lab. I've been doing a lot of research and it turns out that that monster was based on an ancient Earth creature called a "Tyrannosaurus-Rex", apparently there was going to be another amusement park/colony themed around these ancient beasts called "Dinosaurs" but the plans were quickly scrapped when the machines began to take over. To think that we come from the same planet as that thing is pretty bizarre.

Daisy on the other hand never gave much thought to that. She was permanently scarred by the events of this day, Dairy's death especially. She eventually told her family that she was pregnant and they were able to comfort and care for her. She ended up naming the child after his father,

The boy she loved, Darius.

[psychomoxxie]

The Real Vampires

I just discovered that my pain medication is missing -- I have no proof, but there's only one person here who would have taken it, and that's "Saorsie", aka "K". My fucking addict roommate, the woman who calls me her "sister". I'm done with that moniker, that woman is no sister of mine.

She's a thief, an addict, and a liar.

I told my friend J, and the woman who truly is like my sister, S, about it when I discovered the pills -- 200 of them -- were missing, and they both said the same thing; that stealing someone's pain medication is the lowest of the low. An evil act. When I saw they were missing, I broke down in tears. Because of the betrayal, because of the financial loss, because I'm just so fucking exhausted with her bullshit, of having to put up with the shit she does, the damage she does, and having to take it, and be "understanding", because she's an addict, and it's an illness, and we're all supposed to be empathetic and just deal with it.

Meanwhile, I have nothing for my pain, which is very real, and not some bullshit addict pain. And I have to go into my writing money, which is not much, and I'm not sure when I'll get another assignment, in order to pay for some Kratom in order to manage.

I'm so depressed, and exhausted, with everything. I want out of this place, but I have nowhere to go. I'm too sick to work, I have nowhere to go, without seriously being a burden on another person. I don't know how long it will take to get disability, and meanwhile I am here with this fucking evil woman who steals the pills that make my existence at least somewhat bearable.

I've not been this close to just giving up in years. I see no way out. I'm tired of being in pain, I'm tired of being in a situation where I have to live with a woman like K, who will fuck anyone over, who will freak out and be abusive towards the people who feed her and put a roof over her head because she won't take her meds, who will steal, and take advantage, and I have no say in the matter...where can I go?

My health keeps me in a cage. And there isn't any way out.

I have to find some social service agency that can help me -- if I don't, I don't know what I can do, because I can't go on like this.

This situation is untenable. And I can't take it much longer. I moved in here to do the right thing for Joe, to help him with chemo, and he's asked me to not move out because he says I'm keeping him alive -- and I don't want to abandon him...but what about my own life? What about my sanity? I can't live with her any longer. I'll lose my mind. And he won't ever kick her out. He doesn't see that keeping her here just enables her shitty behavior, and she'll never, ever stop using and stealing and the rest of it as long as there are never any consequences to her actions. Why should she stop as long as she has a free place to live, free food, and never has to lift a finger around here?

It's impossible. And I'm getting sicker by the day because of the stress, and nobody gives a shit. It's all about her.

I can't take it.

Nobody ever talks about the unkind -- perhaps even "evil" thoughts the victims of addicts have about them, but I'm not a fucking coward, so I'll say it; I more and more often wish she'd just OD and put us all out of our misery. And if that makes me a bad person, then so be it. Because the shit she puts all of us through is the real evil, here, and I'm so sick of it, and I'm sick of the person it's turning me into. I'm sick of how it makes me wish evil on her, and I'm sick of how she just takes and takes, and I'm sick of the harm she causes, every day.

I am in real, serious pain, because of her. Physical pain, and also psychological, as well as emotional pain. I cry every fucking day because I'm so depressed, and feel so hopeless.

Sometimes, I wish I were fucking dead. And that is unacceptable. So I wish she would just OD already and get it overwith, because she's never going to change. She's almost 50 years old, and she's killing us along with herself. So just get it overwith, already, and let us all go.

She's a vampire, and she's sucking the life out of everyone she touches, and I'm done with her.

[professionalwhining]

On Pain.

“We remember our bodies in pain or worry about the threat of pain. we remember them in illness or the idea of illness. We fear the fragility of our homes. Whenever pain has passed, if it has passed, we marvel at its strength. But mostly, we ignore the body in all its constancy. As partners, we are hugely disloyal….” -Yrsa Daley-Ward

Whenever I’m in pain I remember what John Green famously wrote: “That’s the thing about pain, it demands to be felt”

Physical pain has been my faithful companion since a young age. I grew up, as you would when you have high function anxiety, doing all kinds of sports. I played tennis when I was little and then eventually started running. There was a time when I was sort of good, so my parents paid for this really high-end facility so I could train with professionals (in hindsight, I wonder how we even afford that? The things parents do for their kids are unreal). There, I experienced pain for the first time. It wasn’t only that I was pushed beyond my limits but the demands and stress it put on my body were enough for me to complain every day about my knees, my neck, my feet, and even my back (that was only the starter for what was to come). I think that when you do sports from a young age, you sort of normalize pain. I mean, it is painful to run for two hours straight. And yeah, of course, you learn about discipline and endurance, you learn a lot about yourself as well. But being in pain is a very uncomfortable place to be. So imagine thinking that this. is. normal. An ok state to be in.

The last couple of years though, I’ve had quite a different experience with it. Because, before, this pain was something I could live with. I mean, I could pretend that it just wasn’t there and just live my life. But later, it became disabling. I couldn’t go to work because I couldn’t move freely in my own body. I felt literally, and metaphorically, paralyzed. I went home and discovered that I had a herniated disk in my back and a weird neck, which explained a lot but not everything. According to specialists (from different backgrounds), I’m actually in a lot of pain mentally. men. ta. lly, which causes my body to be in constant tension and alertness. Ready to strike. In retrospect, I’ve always had this fierceness about me, like a warrior, always ready to fight. it took me some time to realize that the danger was coming from within. Now I understand why I shed a tear in a class when a teacher said ” No tension, only attention.”

Today, as I understand that my body is constantly reminding me that something is wrong, I am able to find ways in which to attend to the real wound, the cause of all this physical pain. Now, I understand that, when I am not paying attention, when I am not taking care of my inner life, this body of mine tries to kindly let me know by going off.

My neck and back have been the worst of my suffering because, quite like my dear friend Atlas, I’ve been trying to carry the world on my shoulders. Turns out, this imaginary world, does not need to be carried anywhere. it’s fine as it is. it is time for me, and you as well if you are in any kind of pain, to imagine a new way of living. Make up a new world of my own.

I learned something very valuable from being in constant pain. it can be profoundly grounding. Pain reminds us that we are going to die. But that, as Yrsa Daley-Ward reminded us, is the only death that we will not survive.

so what if we live a little before that?

xo

[beingatoaster]

Okay! I'm going to focus on Steam games because I've become mostly a PC gamer in the last few years (the only non-outdated console I have is the Switch and most of the games I have for it are ones I'm sure you've heard of XD). But I am also going to mention the Epic Games store/launcher/app/whatever they're calling those things these days! Because every week, changing on Thursdays, they offer a different game (or sometimes two!), for free, that would normally cost money. I have discovered some VERY fun games through this that I never would have if I'd had to go browsing through the store and pay cash money (and in fact, some of those will be listed here). Even if you don't like the game, you can always just uninstall it after you've tried it out and you'll have never spent a cent, so I definitely recommend it. :>

(Please bear with me for this post, my dashboard is covered in crabs that love me and I cannot bear to vanish them in order to type more clearly. u_u)

First, some stuff with a bit more of what you're looking for:

Tales of Zestiria: The entire Tales of series is great on whatever machine you play them on, and no that's not JUST my nostalgia speaking, but Tales of Zestiria is the one I actually have on Steam so if you're a PC gamer it may be a good place to start! (Steam also has Berseria and Arise, both of which I own but haven't played yet, and Symphonia, which I've heard you SHOULD NOT buy on Steam--it's a port and very badly done :( which is a shame as it's one of the best games in the series.) They're all very classic JRPGs with sweeping, not always sensical storylines and engaging characters; Zestiria was the last game eating my life before I got into Genshin. If you have a Switch I also recommend Tales of Vesperia, which is another of the best-in-the-series ones (honestly, a bit better than Zestiria) and well worth the money.

Mass Effect: Legendary Edition (three games bundled into one): HOLY SHIT IT'S ON SALE (at least where I am) and if you think you have any interest at all I definitely recommend grabbing it at 75% off, holy shit. This is one of those "do I even have to explain Mass Effect?" game series because in my head everyone knows about Mass Effect, but in case you don't XD it's a sci-fi mostly-shooter with a sweeping storyline and incredibly compelling characters, and it's one of my most beloved games of all time even though I hate shooters. (It's not purely a shooter? Steam lists it as an RPG, actually. But any game where I have to shoot things in real-time is a shooter to me. I'm so bad at them. My party members carry me every time and I love them to bits.) It's very, VERY good. You will cry over a cover of a Gilbert & Sullivan song. (You will cry a LOT in the third game, they build up a whole bunch of things over the first two in order to deliberately cash them in for PAIN in the third game. I am tearing up just thinking of certain lines right now.)

Dragon Age II: Also on a very good sale right now (in my region)! The Dragon Age series is made by the same studio as Mass Effect and is almost as good, but isn't as tightly linked together as the first three Mass Effects, which is why I'm recommending II separately--I think it's better than the other two, and it's easier to play it, then decide if you're interested in the world and lore enough to play the others. (Also, the first one, Origins, has such incredibly clunky combat that every run after my first I've played entirely by spamming a cheatcode that kills all enemies in the area for every fight. II's combat still has issues, but it's miles and miles better.) Also, I know that you're a tragedy lover, and this game is a perfectly-played-out tragedy in, literally, three acts. It's one of my favorite video games EVER in part because it's willing to let the story run to its conclusion without Hawke winning in the end off pure Protagonist Disease. You know that post/meme that goes something like, "The love was there. It wasn't enough, it didn't save anyone, but it matters that the love was there"? It's a perfect encapsulation of Hawke and their found family and the way that things play out.

Additionally, while I won't link them individually, in the same category of "you do know about...? but I'll mention it anyway" is the Elder Scrolls games. Skyrim is the one everyone KNOWS and is the best technically (combat, graphics, other elements like the house-building and adopting children and such), but frankly I 100% think it's predecessor Oblivion is better in terms of both storyline and quest design. And Morrowind has the best story in the series by a long shot, and IMO the best environment, but I understand that it is essentially unplayable technically to most modern gamers and won't try to sell you on it without the hook of my nostalgia. XD Seriously, though, best story in the series, so keep an eye out if they ever drop a remake. (They won't. They'll drop another version of Skyrim instead. Yes, I am bitter.) If you like traditional-style MMOs, Elder Scrolls Online is also quite good, IMO!

Recettear: Kind of drifting away from your specifications, but closer to than the ones below. It's about running an item shop in a fantasy world, technically. You have to GET the items first, though, and that involves combat and some exploration. There's also a really fun cast of characters! There's time pressure, but every time you "lose," which you're supposed to do a lot, you keep a lot of your gains as you start your new game, which eventually lets you build up to a point where you can succeed in the game's ostensible goal. But the actual goal IMO is unlocking the story. >>

Next, some games that don't quite fit your parameters but that I personally love:

Dwarf Fortress: City-builders are my #1 genre but if you like combat and adventure/exploration, it sounds like they won't be so much your thing. That said, I've been playing Dwarf Fortress since its earliest development days and, while it's got a super high learning curve, I love it far too much not to mention it. It does also have an adventure mode you can play in! I am not sure if that's available in the Steam release but as of the last time I downloaded it from the creator's website, that version did. The caveat is that I've never actually played adventure mode (I'm too busy watching my dwarves slaughter each other) so I can't speak on how it plays. XD;;

Other highlights in the city-building genre that I've enjoyed recently are Banished, Aven Colony, Frostpunk, Going Medieval, and Timberborn, though most of these are still early-access so they're not polished games, and Frostpunk is polished but is also INCREDIBLY demanding on PC hardware.

Stardew Valley: A farming game in the classic Harvest Moon style, but with combat options in the mines and after nightfall on the monster farm. You raise crops and animals, gather items to build up your farm and make money, and befriend villagers. I'm not sure how to hype it up, but I've put over 1000 hours into it at this point!

Eidolon: My other #1 genre that isn't necessarily what you're looking for is walking simulators, and Eidolon is close to my heart: you're walking around post-apocalyptic Washington State, collecting the lost journal entries/letters/etc. of the people who lived just before, through, and after said apocalypse. There's a LOT of death in this one, but somehow, it's become a go-to game for me when I'm sad. Very low-poly graphics on purpose, excellent soundtrack, minor survival elements, but mostly wandering about.

Journey: Technically also a walking simulator according to my Steam folders, but honestly I would more call it a gliding simulator. XD Definitely has exploration and adventure! You're a little person making your way through a big, sometimes thrilling, sometimes scary world, solving puzzles using your movement abilities in order to pass from one stage to another. It's a breathtakingly beautiful game, very short (you can do a playthrough in about two hours) but definitely worth replaying now and again, and I can't think of much else to say about it that doesn't spoil things that I, despite usually being spoiler-happy, heartfeltly believe should not be spoiled.

Other walking simulators I love include TIMEframe, Eastshade, and Firewatch; there's also Dear Esther, but MASSIVE trigger warning for suicide on that one.

Cinderella Phenomenon: Yes, this an otome game. It's free, though! And it's my favorite that I've ever played (and I have played... a lot >>). A fantasy storyline set in a world where some people are cursed to live out fairytales--the title character's is "Cinderella," which is a hard blow for a former princess. She's honestly kind of a bitch, but she Gets Better, and I love most of the love interests (I could do without the step-brother. Frankly I'd have rather dated the step-sister). Some of the routes are genuinely heartwrenching, especially if you play them in recommended order.

FTL: Faster Than Light: I genuinely don't know what genre this is? You have a spaceship, and you are fleeing your enemies, trying to reach and warn your side without falling prey to the perils of space, while traveling through randomized areas where you may get upgrades and fuel but may also get blasted to pieces. You get blasted to pieces a lot. Because of the randomization, each run is different, and it's one you lose more than win, but it's quick to play through each time and it can be a lot of fun!

My #3 genre is the general area of "strategy, real-time or turn-based," which can cover a fair bit of ground (and also, surprise surprise, overlaps with city-building). I won't link any games from that because it's all series, but the Civilization series, the Crusader Kings series, and the Galactic Civilizations series are all some of my favorites.

Finally: if you have the Nintendo systems for them, OBVIOUSLY the Fire Emblem games, but you also follow canonical-transformation so I'll assume you already knew that. XD

does anyone have any video game recommendations? 👀

[yesimwriting]

The Needs of Pain

A/n as promised,,, here is my gift to you bc I finished ap gov today :))

The darkling x heartrender!reader story based on the whole ‘no one but me can hurt you’ thing :))

Warnings: sexual innuendos,, attempts to sexualize pain if you squint, kinda lemon-y

I kinda want to write a smutty part 2 let’s see lol 

Summary: after a training injury, Kirigan reveals how he views the dynamic of your relationship and figures out how to best help you work through the pian 

--

In an odd way, the most painful part of my injury had been the wound on my pride, not my shoulder. Though the pain that begins beneath my collarbone and continues down my left shoulder is not exactly pleasant. I can’t bring myself to pity myself too much as I stare at the extent of my burns. There’s a war going on. People die, people lose loved ones, I have to tolerate pain for an hour or two before a healer can be sent to be. 

I told Genya I’d be fine in the medical wing, but she insisted that I wait for a healer to be sent to me. The people here look up to me, if news of my injury got out, especially considering it’s a training wound, morale would take a blow we can’t currently afford. Genya had looked relatively sympathetic when she told me that many healers were occupied considering how difficult training had been and I had told her I could bear the weight. 

Now, in my room, staring at the basin full of water, I’m starting to regret my desire to be self sacrificing. I dip the towel in the water, squeezing out the excess before daring to dab the fabric on the outer edge of the wound. The feeling is fire against my skin all over again. An instinctual curse leaves me as I drop the towel on the counter that surrounds the basin. 

Arthur hadn’t meant it. I can still hear the frantic apologies tumbling from his full lips. He should have been more focused on the task at hand, he should have never stopped to look at me, at the way I could control so many living things at once. In some odd sense, his distraction had been a compliment. Many of the girls here would sell anything to have Arthur’s attention, even if it resulted in such a careless mistake. 

I grimace, picking up the towel and preparing to start again. I should at least clean it before the healers have to deal with both a physical injury and an infection. The sound of my door flying open and then shutting angrily is enough of a distraction for me to accidentally dab the towel against my skin too harshly. I curse again, turning my head towards the bathroom door. Did Genya exaggerate the severity of my wound? Are the healers that desperate to get to me? 

I turn on my toes, towel forgotten by the basen full of water as I approach the door that connects my room with the bathroom. “I’m--” Words meant to calm a frantic healer stick to the back of my throat as soon as I register all the black in the room. General Kirigan. Great. He no doubt heard about my injury after prying it from Genya and now he’s here to scold me for the childishness of it all. To be injured because a boy and I just couldn’t help ‘make eyes at each other’. All he does is insult my refusal to become bitter just because I was born possessing power. 

“You’re what?” His words are a different level of callous, darker than the shadows he creates with the will of his mind alone. “An idiot that let herself be sent back to her room instead of demanding to see a healer?” 

That’s an odd thing for him to focus his anger on. At least it’s not fully directed at me. On instinct, I half turn, attempting to hide my injury from his piercing eyes. My instinct tells me he should never see me so mortal. “Genya recommended it,” my words are determined yet calm, “It’s such a small injury it isn’t worth risking everyone’s morale. A healer will come here when one is available.” 

His face tightens in what must be some kind of disgusted disbelief. “Foolish girl--have you no instinct for preservation?” 

Every decision I’ve made since being injured made sense before he spoke to me. The fierceness of his voice leaves my face warmer than it was a moment ago and reminds me of the stem of my dislike for him. General Kirigan speaks and I am left a clumsy child. “Some things are more important than one’s self.” I expect he’ll turn that into something else to mock or belittle about me. “And it’s not a grave injury it’s barely--” 

The distance between us seemed so great less than a second ago, but he’s closed it so quickly, grabbing my left wrist and extending my arm forward so that I can’t hide anything from him. “You’re burned.” There’s the slightest bit of surprise coloring his words along with something else I can’t interpret. “How did you get burned?” 

Kirigan doesn’t know. My stomach knots, anticipating embarrassment. “Training incident--I was standing too close to an Inferni.” 

His grip on my arm tightens. I grimace as he pulls me forward with no regard for my injury. “Who?” The voracious way he says the word leaves my thoughts trembling. He is a void of darkness, starving for a victim to snuff the light out of.  

When my thoughts settle, I cannot bring myself to tell him the truth. “I didn’t see, I was distracted by the burning.” I exhale slowly, desperate to escape the flames behind his eyes the way I could not escape the fire of earlier. “It doesn’t matter, I’ve been injured worse in training.” His hold on my arm doesn’t loosen, I glance down at his hand, his firm grip on me somehow worse than the burn. “You’ve injured me worse in training.” 

“I may push you, exhaust you, and leave you mad--but I have never done anything that comes close to--that!” The last of his words carry themselves louder than the rest. 

If the skin of my shoulder wasn’t so sensitive I’d try fighting his tightening grasp. The accusation on my part had been a little much, but it was meant to serve as a reminder that he’s not one to care about my comfort or well being. “Why does it matter?” I can’t bring myself to meet his gaze. “You’ve never cared about any of my injuries before.” 

Kirigan releases my arm in a stiff trance, raising his hand to brush his thumb down my cheek. The contact is reminiscent of an extremely different moment. “The first night here you only let a few tears escape you when you were convinced that no one could see them. Do you remember how I turned and wordlessly wiped them away?” His gesture had not been comforting then and it isn’t comforting now. He never wanted to comfort me, he wanted to assert some strange power over me. “I let those tears fall because they were because of me and I knew it was for the best.” I say nothing, letting his thumb ghost tears that will not come. “The moment I discovered you, what you could be, you became mine.” 

“I am no one’s.” The reaction is instinctual, a pride my mother instilled in me. My voice is too loud, too brash. “I am my own.” 

I brace myself for his anger, but all I receive is the slight relaxation of his lips. “It’s things like that give you so much potential in other ways.” His voice is a jagged rock caressing my skin, not minding the scrapes it leaves behind. “You’re a fair plaything, as well as useful.”  

He’s speaking so gently his voice borders on vulnerable. Something in me warms, but I can’t tell why. I know that Kirigan finds joy in my discomfort--why else would he belittle me so often? “The healer will be here soon.” 

“Yes,” he makes no move to leave, instead Kirigan grabs my wrist again, forcing me to turn so that he can analyze the extent of my burn, “Which is why I will ask you again…” I try to catch his gaze, but his stone stare is focused on my burned shoulder entirely. “Who did this?” 

“I told you.” He can never know. “It was a training accident.” 

“And someone is responsible.” 

I let out a breath, tired of feeling so incomplete. I just want to be healed and go to sleep. “Why does it matter?” His fingers trail up my arm patiently, my body betrays me by shivering. “Accidents happen, you’ve put me in more risk than--” 

“I’ve always intended to break you one way or another,” his voice is more supple than it’s ever been before, “Your goodness is too tempting to not tarnish.” He turns my wrist over easily, ignoring my slight wince. “But if someone else were to do it…” Kirigan trails off, expression tightening in a way I can’t read, “I don’t let others break my play things.” 

Some strange resolve in my chest cracks at that. “Kirigan--” 

“Who are you protecting?” He moves his free hand, placing it without reservation on my shoulder. “Not telling me will only make it worse.” 

Thoughts of Arthur paying for such a small mistake leaves my stomach rolling in guilt. “Make what worse?” 

His expression tightens again. I wait for some kind of rebuke. Kirigan’s lips part as if he expects to criticize my naivety, but instead of speaking he turns sharply. He doesn't release his grip on my wrist as he leads me into my bathroom. 

“What are you doing?” 

Kirigan ignores my surprise, releasing me to pick up the towel I was so quick to abandon. “If you’re too good to take a healer from someone, you should at least avoid infection.” 

“I’m not an idiot, I was cleaning it.” The sharpness of my tone is ignored, Kirigan simply places one hand on my forearm to keep me in place. “Wha--”

 He brushes his thumb over my pulse gently in an effective attempt to silence me. I part my lips in hopes of protesting, but something odd reflects across his eyes. It must be some trick of the light because his expression seems...hesitant. Maybe even concerned. And then cool fabric is pressed into my burn. I bite my tongue so hard I’m surprised it doesn’t bleed. 

“Saints.” 

His expression shifts to that of almost amusement. “I think I’d like to hear you curse in a,” he exhales softly, fingertips trailing up my forearm, “Slightly different scenario.” 

The shock of such a bold innuendo clears my mind from thoughts of pain. But the most startling thing is that the innuendo isn’t entirely unwanted. In the wake of my surprise, he presses the wet towel into my wound again. I fight against a grimace, but that doesn’t go unnoticed by Kirigan. Instead of mentioning it, his free arm touches my uninjured shoulder. For the first time since he’s come here I’m aware of how improper my attire is. I changed out of my starched kefta and into a silk nightgown in order to leave my shoulder unbothered. Genya had helped me change, bearing all of my grimacing and pained curses. 

I should push him off of me. Kirigan can get away with a lot because of his status, but I by no means have to allow something like this. I should not feel shy, I should not be embarrassed. He’s the one that’s out of line. I look up into his eyes, prepared to yell at him for being so out of line. But when I meet his eyes, I see something so un-monstrous I am left breathless. There’s a gentleness to the way he tilts his head downwards, eyes never leaving mine. Is he asking for permission? Permission to--to what? I stay frozen as his lips brush against the unmarred side of my collarbone. His touch is almost enough to make me forget pain ever existed. He pulls away enough that I can feel his breath against the base of my neck. Thoughts I’d never dare speak are banished as the towel presses against my skin again. My face cringes immediately, but he’s quick to press his lips to the base of my neck, lingering kisses melting into my skin. 

“I thought you said you were fine.” His chiding is half-hearted, whispered between two brief kisses against my bare ski. 

He dabs the towel on the burn again, but before I can think to complain, his lips are against my skin again. This time, his lips part slightly allowing his teeth to graze over my pulse. Kirigan pulls away slightly, expression hardening, “I’m almost sorry about this part.” His words leave him in a whisper as influential as sin. 

“What part?” My voice feels foreign in my throat. 

Kirigan doesn’t reply, but then I feel the sharpest pain yet. The towel is cleaning the worst of the burn, the ruined patch of skin that will never recover without supernatural intervention. The gasp I let out is that of a bird with shattered wings. A cry forms in the base of my throat, but before it can leave me, Kirigan’s teeth bite into the skin above my pulse. The pained sound is reduced by my shock, twisting in an odd combination of some kind of pained sound and something dangerously close to a moan. 

He releases me with one last soft brush of his lips, straightening his back and retracting the towel. “There.” Kirigan drops the towel onto the bathroom counter. “It wasn’t that bad, was it?”

I can still feel the ghost of his lips, tongue, and teeth against my skin. I understand now. Each kiss had been a way to distract me, to lessen the pain. Something odd swells in my chest as I try to will my eyes to stop watering in pain. 

Kirigan presses his lips together, pressing his hand against my cheek again. His thumb brushes the few stray tears that escape me. “Don’t cry,” his tone is pure velvet, “I won’t tolerate tears in your eyes caused by anyone else.” He tilts his head oddly, hand sliding down my cheek before gripping my jaw, “I can provide reason for your tears if you’d like.” 

Inhaling deeply, I continue to stare at him. Today has been so sudden. He’s flirted with me through strangely sexual insults and threats before, but never has he been so forward about it. 

“I’m fine,” I force my voice to remain clear. He nods once. A soft rap at my door has me turning away from him. “The healer--I shoul--” 

“Come in,” he calls, voice clear and leaving no room for argument. 

My eyes widen. To be caught with him here could be detrimental for my reputation. Kirigan pulls away, something sharp playing at his features, something almost humorous. 

He leaves the bathroom like this is his own room. “Her wound is clean, work quickly.” I walk out of the bathroom in a strange trance. Kirigan’s gaze lands on me as I enter the main part of my room, “I need her at her full strength for what I have planned.” 

There’s a heaviness to his words, a weight that tells me he means more than what his words imply. Goosebumps erupt across my skin as I try to banish the thoughts of his mouth against my skin between inflictions of pain, blending together to create the most intense sense of fight or flight I’ve ever experienced. 

Kirigan begins to approach the door to my room. “I’ll be checking on her later.”

--

People that asked to be tagged in this/expressed interest:

@luminous-99 @voyevoda-thejoy @voidmalfoy @i-padfootblack-things @all-art-is-quite-useless @buckverse @mandowh0re @uhanddreag  

@we-love-our-bandz 

[finelinevogue]

Can we get some more brother!harry?

I really enjoyed your piece where he caught her smoking ❤️

of course you can!! (rip if your name is natalia) hope this is what you wanted;

Natalia.

Beautiful name to juxtapose a horrible excuse of a human being.

Harry was never that great when it came to choosing his girlfriends, but this one was by far the worst. Bekka had been bad, because she had been cheating on Harry with her best friends dad. India was just so toxic, to the point where she’d ask Harry why he wasn’t mad with her over the most trivial things as if she wanted him to be mad. Daya was ok, but she wanted different things to what Harry wanted and so they ended up in a massive argument and ending things quicker than they started. Natalia though, wow. She was something else and that wasn’t a compliment.

You don’t know whether it was just because she targeted you especially, but she was just a downright cruel person. You could easily tell her intentions with your brother were not good. She was a plain ol’ gold digger, evident from the credit card that Harry leant her and she spent so much on it the bank had to call Harry to ask him to authorise that he was aware of the amount of money being spent. She bought a car with his card. A fucking car. Harry was too blinded by her beauty and her experience that he was oblivious to her witchy behaviour towards you. It wasn’t like you hadn’t tried to tell him either, it was more that he didn’t care enough.

“No Harry. No.” You argued with him, standing in the middle of the kitchen as he was busy washing the rest of the dishes in the sink. It was just the two of you home at the moment, because Gemma and Anne were spending the weekend at an exclusive spa in Cheshire, so you didn’t understand how there were so many dishes.

“Y/N, it’s not an option. You’re not staying at home by yourself.” Harry spoke sternly back to you, letting out his frustration by vigorously scrubbing the dishes.

“I’m literally 17 - 18 in like 3 weeks. I’m more than capable of staying home.” You stomped your foot to the ground like a child.

“And I don’t care. You’re coming to lunch whether you want to or not.” Harry finished the last plate and dries his hands on the towel next to the sink, before throwing it over to you.

“But she’ll be there.”

“She’s my girlfriend, so you’ll nice to her.”

“If she’s nice to me, then yeah.” You rolled your eyes and walked over to the sink to start drying the dishes that Harry just cleaned.

“ Y/N, I swear to God.” Harry groaned in frustration, tugging a stressful hand through his hair. “Can you at least pretend to be happy for me for once?”

“Gee Harry, i’m just so happy to be going out to lunch with you and your girlfriend!” You put on the biggest grin as your sarcasm practically dripped from your tongue.

“Stop being a spoilt little shit and finish those dishes. We’re leaving in 20.” Harry spoke harshly, before leaving the room with a heavy strop to his step. It left you to blink back the tears that you couldn’t help that Natalia was ruining your whole relationship with your brother.

You and Harry used to be so tight nit, now it would be a miracle if he spent a day with you per month. Natalia had come along 5 months ago and she had completely turned Harry’s life around for the worst, only Harry was too ignorant to see that. Anne had come home multiple times to find you crying because Harry had cancelled on you, again, or Natalia had said something that had really hurt. Normally you were okay with taking hate, but Natalia made it somehow worse than that. Even if Anne or Gemma tried to talk Harry about the damage all this was causing you it would always be the same response;

“She just wants attention.”

The restaurant was very pretty.

It was one that you and Harry used to go to all the time, when there was no girlfriend around. It sold the best pastries and life-changing eggs on toast. The food was always delicious and the staff were so completely lovely. You were glad to be coming here, making you feel more comfortable than you would if you went to a expensive fancy restaurant instead. This little restaurant, named ‘Lemon Puffs’ after their infamous lemon, cream and pastry puffs, made you feel safe and happy.

“Remember to just be nice.” Harry spoke as you both approached the table that Natalia was already sat at. She was too busy on her phone to realise you were even here.

“If she plays nice then yeah.” You bit back.

“Y/N just stop being petty, y’pissing me off now.” Harry argued. “Whine like a bitch later. I don’t need it today.”

You stopped talking after that, not having anything else to say to him. He’d made it very clear that you were only here because he didn’t trust you at home by yourself, but by the same token wanted you quiet because he didn’t trust you enough to speak nicely. Harry hugged and kissed Natalia like he hadn’t just seen her last night and then sat down opposite to her, leaving you to sit next to Harry because you sure as hell weren’t sitting next to her. Natalia didn’t even make the effort to hug you or shake hands, in fact you barely got a simple hello.

“You alright, baby?” Natalia asked, twirling her hand into Harry’s from across the table. Disgusting.

“Yeah i’m good. This one’s a pain in my arse, as always.” Even with his joking tone, you knew he was being somewhat serious and that really messed with you.

“Typical.” Natalia rolled her eyes and tutted her tongue, not hesitating to use the opportunity to be mean to you. Harry thought she was merely playing along with his words, but you new otherwise.

“You know what you want yet?” Harry asked as he pulled his own attention towards the menu. You didn’t need to look at the menu, as being here so many times has allowed you to discover the perfect order.

“I think i’m just going to get the salad, but without the chicken, cheese or cucumber.” She answered, sipping on the water she must’ve already ordered whilst waiting for you both.

“So just lettuce?” You asked, not meaning for it to be a condescending question and yet she took it that way anyways.

“Is there something wrong with that, Y/N?” She asked, being really harsh in the way she spoke your name - as if the syllables actually caused her pain to speak.

“N-no I was just—”

“Didn’t think so.” She snapped and turned away from you to look back towards Harry, with her shit-eating grin that didn’t fool you. Harry kicked you leg under the table too, not appreciating the way you were speaking to Natalia. He didn’t even think about the way his girlfriend was speaking to you though. As usual.

“I’ll probably get the salad too.” Harry nodded his head and you shook your head as he spoke. Harry would never normally get a salad. Like, that’s so Kardashian of him. Harry, whenever he came here with you, always ordered a cheese and pickle panini, with extra crunchy pickles, a portion of chips and some halloumi fries too. Oh and then a cake for pudding. He wouldn’t have gone for a boring salad. Fucking Natalia was ruining him and you hated to have a front row seat of it.

“Not the usual then?” You tried to joke with him, but he was clearly still pissed off with you for being… you.

“Why, are you?” He asked quizzically.

“Obviously.” You smiled, which made Harry smile for a split second before Natalia pulled him away from you. Your smile disappeared and a frown settled in, knowing it would stay there for a long time.

“Babe, I am here too you know?” Natalia joked, bur you could see the anger and jealousy behind her eyes. If looked could kill you’d be ten feet under, twenty times over by now.

“Sorry, yeah.” Harry cleared his throat and paid closer attention to her.

Lunch went by slowly.

Natalia scoffed when she heard your order; poached eggs on toast with three pieces of crispy bacon on the side, a portion of chips and a mint iced tea. Oh and a cake for pudding, but you’d come to that later. Natalia ate her lettuce as Harry eat his salad as you ate your eggs on toast with bacon and chips. You loved the food, hated the company and couldn’t make up your mind whether you loved or hated being here. Natalia and Harry talked throughout lunch, leaving you out of all their conversations. The only time Harry spoke to you was when he asked whether your food was okay, eyeing it up as if he wanted to make love to it and send his salad to the nearest dumpster.

“Was everything alright for you?” Paul, the owner of the business and dude in charge of the eggs asked you when all your plates were empty as Harry’s growling stomach.

“Lovely, thank you.” Harry responded gratefully.

“Perfect.” You smiled as you handed your dirty plate to Paul.

“It was a bit plain.” Natalia moved her plate away from her in disgust and Paul put on his best customer smile, apologising for that before leaving to go and ring up the bill.

“Okay i’m just going to go for a quick wee before I pay.” Harry announced, getting up from the table to go to the loo.

“Okay babe. Don’t be too long.” She called out and then it was left just you and her.

“Well this was nice.” You tried to be nice, as Harry told you to, and start a meant conversation with your arch enemy. Kill ‘em with kindness - that was Harry’s slogan wasn’t it?

“If you hadn’t have been here then yeah.” She turned her nose up at you.

“Look,” you began, wanting her to understand something, “whatever i’ve done to upset you and make you hate me, i’m sorry. Just, I don’t want you to dislike me and I know that Harry really likes you so I want us to be able to get along.”

“Listen, Y/N,” there it was again - your name spoken with dripping venom, “I don’t want to get along with you. You make me sick. You are such a baby to Harry and you’re needy, which means I don’t get to spend time with my boyfriend—”

“Don’t get to spend time with him?” You had to laugh at that. Apart from today, you’d seen Harry maybe a total of 2 hours this whole week and it was Saturday. “You’re practically attached at the hip.”

“Not enough. Harry needs to keep away from you, you only bring him trouble.”

“I’m his fucking sister.” You shouted quietly, not wanting to disturb the peace for the rest of the customers.

“Not an excuse. Look Y/N, I understand that you are quite lonely and don’t have many friends? Maybe you should consider that’s for a very good reason?” She rhetorically asked you and that made you sit back a bit. She was pulling apart your insecurities now and exposing them to find the most painful parts, so she could watch you suffer with only the curse of her words.

“It’s not like that.” You tried to convince yourself more than her, tears in your eyes over something so hurtful to you.

“No? ‘Cause I think that you aren’t the kind of person anyone wants around, including Harry.” She stood up dusted herself off as he noticed Harry walk back over to the table, smiling as if she hadn’t just shot his sister in the heart.

Her words stung more than a scorpions tale, and yes unfortunately you knew what that felt like. Natalia was right. You were alone, friendless and just trouble. There was a reason that you were all of this and Natalia had hit the nail right on the head with the reason why. You thought of your friends, his they always disappeared and left you and now you sit in the canteen alone or hang out only with yourself on the weekends. You think to Gemma and Anne going away for the weekend, not inviting you because it was age restrictive but you still couldn’t help but think there was a more pressing reason than that. Then you think of Harry and how he was fed up of you. He couldn’t be more resentful of you if he tried. You wanted to be a good friend, a good daughter and most importantly a good sister, but it was so blindingly obvious that you weren’t. You were never going to be.

You stood up from the table too, quickly wiping away a tear from your face before anyone could notice but you didn’t care to see if anyone was actually watching. Harry kissed Natalia and then walked over to the cashier to pay the bill. You noticed Paul and Harry talking and so you walked out of the restaurant and towards the car, still tears in your eyes. You needed to be strong for yourself though, especially because nobody else was going to be.

You stood with you handle to the door of the car waited for Harry to come and unlock it. You heard high heels before the car was unlocked, unfortunately.

“Excuse me, but I ride front.” Natalia spat at you, removing your hand from the door and chivvying you to the back of the car instead.

“You’re coming with us?” You asked, your heart aching that little bit more. You didn’t want to spend another minute in her presence and yet she would now probably spend the rest of the week until your mum and sister came back.

“Ye—”

“No she’s not.” Harry walked out of the restaurant and over to the car, standing in between the both of you but a little more towards you.

“Babe? What do you mean?” Natalia asked, a little bit shocked at his tone with her.

“Firstly dont babe me. Secondly, get your hand off my car. Thirdly, don’t ever come near me or my sister ever again.” Harry ordered angrily. You’d never seen him this angry before. You stood behind him, afraid of what was about to go down.

“What has she said to you, because—”

“She’s my sister and she’s got a name. Y/N didn’t tell me anything. Lemon Puffs, however, has eyes and ears everywhere and it’s amazing the stories you hear when you’re stood at the cashier or next to someone at the urinals.” Harry accused Natalia and she went hot red in the face, embarrassed that this conversation was actually happening.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“No? Maybe this will jog your memory. ‘I think you aren’t the kind of person anyone wants around, including Harry.’” Harry raised his eyebrows and crossed his arms over his chest confrontationally. Guarding and protecting you. You felt safe.

“Wha— You think I would say that?” Natalia asked, pretending to be offended by the accusation.

“I don’t know, let’s ask Y/N shall we? Y/N, did Natalia say that to you?” Harry asked, turning to look at you with hope in his eyes, but also sorriness for everything that’s happened. You could see it all behind his eyes and you wanted to squeeze him tight to accept his apology, because you loved him and you needed him.

“Y-yes.” You answered, looking down so you didn’t have to make eye contact with Natalia.

“Harry you can’t possibly believe her.” Natalia laughed, but there was heavy insecurity in her tone.

“I trust her more than anyone. More than you. I trust Y/N with my life.” Harry back answered, taking no more bullshit from his ex-girlfriend. “We’re done Natalia. Okay? I don’t want to see you ever again. What you’ve said and done to my sister is unforgivable and I don’t want someone like you in my life.”

“You were a dick too.” You added quietly behind him and he just turned round to smile and wink at you.

“So what? That’s it?” Natalia asked, dumbfounded.

“Bye Natalia.” Harry walked around to the drivers seat and you to the passenger side. He stopped before opening the door though, wanting to say one last thing. “The bill was split in half by the way. Paul’s just inside waiting for you to pay.”

With that, you both got in the car, laughing at Natalia’s reaction and just everything. Apologises were made and promises of no relationships until you two had built back up yours were sworn. It would take time, but Harry was willing to prove that he was a good brother and you were always going to be someone he wanted around.