#on pain

[myfakeplasticlove13]

I don’t know man :/ i think I’m just tired of being me

[clcmentines]

blood dripping down my throat, isn't it lovely?

fruit, azra t / he who is good with swords, fatimah asghar / the becoming of noah shaw, michelle hodkin / it's a circus and we're all paid to be here, ashe vernon / things have gotten worse since we last spoke, eric larocca / aaron o'hanlon

[relativefic]

I don't want to be me anymore, lord, help me be better

1 Fydoror Dostoevsky "the insulted and humiliated" // 2 Rainer Maria Rilke Rilke's book of hours:love poems to God // 3 Ethel Cain strangers // 4 Jihyun Yun some are always hungry // 5 icon for hire happy hurts // 6 Alice Notley from in the pine: poems; "in the pines" // 7 Edward Hopper interior, model reading (1925) // 8 Julien Baker Guthrie // 9 Clementine Von Radics dream girl "sweet the sound" // 10 Bao Phi Thousand star hotel "vocabulary" // 11 unknown // 12 Phoebe Bridgers funeral // 13 Yves Olade belovéd // 14 unknown // 15 Julien Baker everybody does // 16 Anne Sexton a self-portrait in letters // 17 pat the bunny I'm not a good person // 18 unknown // 19 Julien Baker sour breath

[godsopenwound]

If your parents didn’t know how to hold you, you develop the mind you hold yourself with, so you find safety in this mind that you created. So the human mind, the ordinary egoic mind, is basically a defensive structure. It’s, in significant ways, a response to pain, it’s designed to keep you from experiencing pain, it’s worried and anxious and it’s defensive, so when it comes to change and vulnerability the mind wants to defend against it. It comes out of fear, which comes out of childhood experience where the pain that you had wasn’t held, and therefore you develop these mind structures to keep you from experiencing it, and one of them is clearly addiction.

— Dr. Gabor Maté

[hauntedbythenarrative]

Salt, Nayyirah Waheed//House of the Dragon (2022-)

[petaltexturedskies]

You think your pain and your heartbreak are unprecedented in the history of the world, but then you read. It was Dostoevsky and Dickens who taught me that the things that tormented me most were the very things that connected me with all the people who were alive, or who ever had been alive. Only if we face these open wounds in ourselves can we understand them in other people.

James Baldwin

[akindplace]

pain and exhaustion have this way of making it seem there is all that will ever be, but there is more to life than this, there is more to you than this. your existence matters even if pain impacts it a lot, even if exhaustion keeps you from doing all that you want. you’re not wasted because you’re suffering and you deserve help and to care for yourself so you can feel a bit better in your own body.

[dionyrtal]

this absolute endnote banger from the article i was reading for my final paper

In Performing Bodies in Pain, Carlson foregrounds the performative aspect of pain: "Some pains curl us inward to lick our wounds and heal, but others scream for attention. We dissimulate, and we display, minimize and fake it. We react, and we read the pain of others. Pain is a performance that we interpret, both when it happens within ourselves and when we witness the pain of others" (155).

[fishingforwords]

yeah, love hurts.

susan sontag || unknown poem || haruki murakami, sputnik sweetheart || 1927 children's book, jellyfish || vincent van gogh || marina ivanova tsvetaeva, poem of the end || pablo neruda, 20 love sonnets and a song of despair || caitlin conlon, consider the hairpin turn || charles bukowski || frida kahlo

[newvision]

Charlotte Perkins Gilman, the Yellow Wallpaper // skeleton pleading (c. 1600s) // Bob Dylan, Idiot Wind on Blood On The Tracks (1975)

[aishespoeticmuse]

[myfakeplasticlove13]

[cookiecrumbconundrum]

i am a forest fire || maveth

another webweave for one of my sci-fi npcs who really needs to get a new job. they occupy my mind constantly.

“half hanged mary”, margaret atwood | poor things, yorgos lanthimos | hannibal, michael rhymer | the ravening war, dimension 20 | hell followed with us, andrew joseph white | past lives, celine song | sharp objects, gillian flynn | peter goodfellow | a burning hill, mitski

[saltair-and-webweaves]

idiot wind - bob dylan/richard siken/unkown/the grudge - olivia rodrigo/a farewell to arms - ernest hemingway/body bag - beartooth/twenty - silas melvin/notes from an exhibition - patrick gale

requested here

[glasswaters]

"All that pain, that misery, that loneliness, and it just made him kind." - Amy Pond, Doctor Who, season 5, episode 2, "The Beast Below" written by Steven Moffat

Pain sits on a chest too frail to lift it, its mouth split by teeth. it digs curved claws into sinew and bone and untwists nerves where they lie blank in its hands. Misery, hollow cheeked and hollowed bare, keeps its stomach concave, starving for company. A rattle in your lungs. Weeping sores on your skin.

What are you thinking? What are you feeling?

It hurts.

What are you thinking? What are you learning?

Make for me a map of the starving thing shredding your muscles. Hold open the puncture wounds, and pull out the claws.

Or else leave them in and let them fester. Watch your skin go blue and yellow, watch the flesh swell where they lay buried somewhere deep inside of you. Feel your tongue grow heavy and drop down your esophagus. Won't you lift your head?

Pain pulls from your head every thought before it's formed. Pain threads a needle from the spool of your words and stitches closed your lips. Tiny, and neat, a surgeon's touch. Pain takes your hands and holds them, fast and steady. Let me teach you, it says, and presses its splintering bones into the skin of your back.

What are you feeling? What are you learning?

It hurts.

-oh, my darling. pain doesn't have anything to teach. it just hurts.