#which couldve been a factor for all of the other times as well

[arosebyan0thername]

Is it bad to say that I just want a conclusion? Is it bad to say that I'd rather something just end badly so I can move on than to end well but be drawn out for who even knows how long? I'd just like to move on, for better or worse. I'd like to stop worrying.

[wonxlvr]

High All The Time

you get me so high- the neighbourhood

— “your my best friend, ill love you forever.”

For @bywons ‘on ℴur 𝑙ove。✦ ’ event!! Go check out the other amazing writers :)

Pairing: stoner!heeseung x fem!reader || Word count: || 1K+ (1794) || Genre: LOTS of angst, fluff, second chance ||Warning: cursing, mentions of death, mentions of drug and drug usage, NOT PROOF CHECKED!

preview 🎬: The high school sweethearts, thats what you and heeseung were known for. Up until senior year when heeseung became a druggie, which took a toll on your relationship.

eve’s notes: STOP WHY DID IT TAKE SO LONG FOR ME TO MAKE THIS 😭 anyways its finally out so i hope yall enjoy 🙏 it feel like it couldve been better but its still pretty good IG…

You walked into school, usually with your boyfriend of 3 years but he ditched you to go smoking behind the school, yet again. You were wearing sweats and your Heeseung’s only good hoodie, the rest all reeked of substances and cigarette burns. You would’ve worn something more appealing, but you were too tired.

Heeseung used to be the sweetest boyfriend ever. You met him in your sophomore year through mutual friends and several classes you shared and instantly hit it off. Casual meet ups turned into dates, and on your 2nd date he asked you to be his girlfriend. To which you obviously said yes.

Up until senior year is when things fell apart, he hung out with a bad group of friends and ended up ditching you to go do drugs with them.

You never really had a problem with it until he missed almost every date because he was knocked out cold. You were deeply concerned for his health and well being, that being the core factor to all of your fights with him.

Heeseung came over to your place on the weekends, tripping over his own feet and smelled too strongly of weed.

“Babe, Again? I told you that you needed to stop” you said gently.

“Im sorry, i promise ill stop, baby.” He apologizes, slurring over his words. It was obvious he wasnt sincere with his words, but again, and again, like a fool, you fell for it every time. Thinking he would change.

As you walked hands in your pockets, pity stares were thrown your way but you tried not to mind it. You approached your locker and quickly got your stuff. You saw a glimpse of Heeseung and quickly stormed over to him.

“Baby, where have you been!?” You said in a huff. Heeseung covered his ears to show as if you were being too loud.

“Chill, i was just out back with chenle and the others. And stop yelling, you give me a headache.” Heeseung said as he held his hand up to his head.

You scoff to the side, “I thought you said you would quit?” You angered. Heeseung shrugged and walked pass you angering you more.

“Stop running from your problems!” You yelled from behind, he pretended not to hear you as he went to his friends.

Your eyes welled up with tears, but you blinked them away before anyone could see. You quickly walked to your next class half expecting heeseung to show up but as always, he never did.

You laid your head down and tried to nap. You were tired of him, tired of school, tired of everything. Luckily high school would be ending very soon, in less than a week.

Days pasted by faster than you expected, and graduation day came sooner than anticipated.

Heeseung agreed to have his focus solely on you on graduation day.

The night before the big day, heeseung came over and stayed with you the whole night. School had ended already and now the only event left was graduation day.

You both watched movies and ate snacks together. You were laying on heeseung and you felt his breaths get calmer and short sighs coming out every now and then. When you looked up, he was fast asleep and it was the cutest sight you have seen. You kissed his cupid bow shaped lips and you swore you’ve never felt more in love with someone in your life. Soon falling asleep on him.

Graduation day came and went, heeseung had suprised you with your favorite flowers and a beutiful necklace with an infinity sign to represent your relationship. You made a silent promise to never take it off, the necklace meaning a lot to you.

Hugs and pictures were exchanged throughout the day, the last day was overwhelming for almost everyone.

Jay announced a graduation party that night at his parents house since they would be gone for the week. Everyone was going so you thought why not go as-well.

That night, you did your hair pretty, did your makeup soft, and wore something simple as jeans and a black top.

You went with your friends and told heeseung to meet you at Jay’s place. You and your friends arrived a little later and you stayed with them for a bit until all of you heard yelling.

“y/n!” Jay called. You snapped your head to his direction with a questioning look.

“You need to come with me, your boyfriend is going crazy!” Jay exclaimed.

You got up from your sitting spot creating a domino effect and causing all of your friends to get up as well.

Jay signalled to follow him, and that you did like ducklings following their mother.

When you saw heeseung, he looked like he was on something and was yelling at someone.

“Heeseung!” You said, but your voice was drowned out from his yelling. You pushed yourself through the crowd until you were close enough to reach him.

Just as he raised his fist, you grabbed his hand and led him out the house.

When he saw you, his eyes softened and his demeanor shifted.

“Baby, what was that?” You questioned

“That guy was talking mad stuff you know i cant let that slide, love,” he spoke in a daze.

“Babe, what did you take” you said plugging your nose to stop the smell.

Heeseung shrugged and muttered something incoherent.

“What?” You asked

“Never mind.” He sighed

“No, tell me baby.”

“Just forget it!” He spoke louder.

“Tell me, what did you take?” You questioned inpatiently

“I said forget it, y/n!” He yelled in your face. You were taken aback from his outburst.

“Oh so its y/n now, huh?” You snapped.

“Look, just let it go” he scoffed.

“Hee, dont you get it? I care about you, just tell me!” You insisted.

“Fine, i just took a few tabs. You happy?” He mocked.

“tabs!? Heeseung what were you thinking! Thats dangerous, you could die!” You yelled.

“So what?” he said.

“so what!? Youre SERIOUSLY asking me that right now!? Heeseung, i love you too much to loose you. Please stop this addiction before it gets any worse.” You pleaded with him.

“I dont need you to dictate my life. Just stop telling me what to do!” He shot back.

You scoffed, “fine, you know what? I will. Heeseung, im breaking up with you.” You said, tears threatening to fall.

“What? Baby, you can be serious right now,” Heeseung argued.

“Dont call me that anymore, heeseung we are done. Dont even try to contact me.” You cried, tears already pouring down your checks.

“No please, y/n please! I cant go on without you in my life!” He begged.

“You said you dont need me, right? So theres that, now ill leave you alone.” You sobbed, you turned away as he tried to convince you to stay. you ran away from him wiping your tears with your wrist and quickly dialed your friends number with shaking hands.

“Y/n? Whats up?”

“Isa, i need you to come take me home right now,” you said in broken sentences.

You heard her cut the line of and within minutes she pulled up in front of you.

You got in the passengers seat as you cried uncontrollably. Isa tried to console you while still trying to keep her attention on the road. She drove you home and told you to call her whenever you need and drove away.

You ran to your bed to cry in your pillow. Your phone buzzed several times, all from heeseung. Hundreds of missed calls and hundreds more unread messages. You put your phone on silent as you cried loudly in your bed.

When you woke up, your pillow was still damp and it was bright outside. All of the event of that night came hurling to you like a bad dream, causing a major headache. You only wanted to crawl in your bed and never come out.

You checked you phone and under all the notifications from heeseung, was a miss call from jay. Confused, you decided to call him back.

“Hello?” You spoke in a rasp when he picked up.

“Y/N! I need you to come to the hospital, heeseung just got into a bad accident.” He said in a panic.

You didn’t believe it at first, you didnt want to believe it. But still you called up isa and told her to go to the hospital.

“What happened?” She asked while driving with speed but with efficiency.

“I broke up with him last night, and now jay told me he got into an accident. Now i feel like shit.” You said burying your head in your hands.

“Hey, hey, its not your fault okay? Me and the girls will always be here for you” she comforted.

“Thanks, isa. I love you guys so much,” you thanked.

“ No problem, now go get your man!” Isa said as she parked outside of the hospital doors.

You smiles and thanked her again before you dashed inside. You spotted Jay and ran up to him,

“Y/n! Heeseung got into a car accident last night, he is in that room but he’s unconscious right now, i thought you might wanted see him.” Jay said softly.

You nodded and went into the room jay pointed to. There you saw Heeseung on the bed, countless of machines and wires connected to his body. You held his unresponsive hand and broke down on your knees.

“Hee! Im so sorry, I shouldve never left you alone like that, i was too harsh. Please! Wake up, I cant imagine my life without you!” You sobbed, holding his hand to your forehead.

“Im sorry for being a bad girlfriend, im sorry for being a brat, im sorry for not looking after you more, im sorry for everything, im sorry i never said ‘i love you’ enough.” You said in broken sentences and several huffs of air.

“Please, heeseung. I love you so much,” you cried uncontrollably.

“I love you too, baby” the sudden voice scaring you

“Heeseung! Youre awake!” You hugged his neck close, never wanting to let go.

Once you backed up to give him space, he confessed to you

“Im sorry babe, its all MY fault. I shouldve stopped using substances a lot time ago. I was meant to be in the position, anyways.” He sighed

“Hey, its okay, but please promise me you wont ever touch a drug in your life again.” You pleaded.

Heeseung smiled softly up at you, “i promise, your my best friend ill love you forever.”

And with that, you passionately kissed him cause you were the only thing that could keep him high all the time.

TY FOR READING THIS FAR MAUHAH YAY LOVE YOU ALL ❤️

[g0dtier]

the list that makes me and @dentist-brainsurgeon mortal enemies from now on i guess

extremely lengthy explanations under the cut:

i actually think the S+A tier speak for themselves?

S tier: the goats. im aware its full of third versions but they just happen to be extremely good and added some insane shit to already solid base games (ok diamond and pearl werent solid but the foundation was there). replayability is insane for these.

A tier: the Oh Fuck Yeah games. not in any particular order actually. hgss is absolutely the best remake of all, only held back by the few inherent flaws of the Johto region and by not emulating Crystal enough. as much as i like bw, reverting back to only one region of pokemon never sat right by me, but it's been a while since ive played it, and nowadays i make much more of an effort to try out all new mons. so i could change my mind on this.

i liked usum more than sun/moon, if only for the post game. replayability isnt as high because of the cutscenes every 3 steps, and rotom dex is annoying as shit. aside from that, insanely solid story & postgame imo. red/blue and gold/silver are brimming with weird places in their regions and are chock full of in game lore and legends, which i really like. the ruins of alph & pokemon tower are some of the best locations theyve ever made imo

B tier is the "good but couldve been better" tier. lets go is insane for shiny hunting, but it stops at that imo. the new rival is garbo. sun and moon are good, but the postgame + alola in general is just lacking enough in these games that they dont reach A tier for me. loveeed the island challenges tho. alola itself has just such a good vibe. you really feel like its about community rather than competition. legends arceus couldve been insanely good, but i have never felt as ripped out of a pokemon game as i did when i walked through that cave in the coronet region and started seeing stray pixels around my character. which wasnt a one time thing btw this happens to anyones game & every time as far as ive seen. its gonna sound dramatic but this combined with other graphics glitches made it so clear i was playing a game that it just took me out of the adventure entirely. this is where the graphics glitches really started, and they havent stopped since.

C tier: yellow is just kinda there? i dont care for starter pikachu. i want to, but it gets killed when breathed at, so. idk. the gimmick doesnt work that well for me. sword and shield introduced some insane mons that i love and i want to call it solid real bad, but the story was hot garbage even for pokemon standards, and while the wild area was a great idea, the execution was lacking & because what i assume is a time crunch, the towns were boring as shit as well. diamond & pearl are mediocre to bad, with a great story and mediocre to bad execution, and i shouldve put oras in the :( tier, but the postgame is worth it.

actually im gonna rant about oras. i was so hyped for it but, just, ugh. if youre gonna turn a 2d vague not-specified-what-a-character-is-doing-or-feeling player character to 3d, at least do it correctly. 2d sprites where someone can fill in the blanks not seen on screen but hinted at in text (ie expressions, actions like handing someone something) work infinitely better than 3d sprites who show it badly. also still suffers from the desaturation curse that the 3ds games suffer from. postgame was dope, though. shame the mega latis are ugly as shit.

:( tier: garbage, im so sorry. SV's only redeeming factor is the area zero story. there is nothing else in the game that held my attention. fuck the star team, fuck the big pokemon quests, fuck the towns where you cant talk to anyone or find anything interesting or walk into a house and where every shop looks the game. fuck stores not even having an interior anymore. fuck this larger but emptier and stripped down world full of graphical glitches. fuck the weak ass gyms, fuck geeta, and fuck terrastalizing most of all. i will die for Koraidon & the professor fight fucking ruled but that's all the game had to it for me. do any of yall remember the gym leaders besides like, iono and the snowboard man? no you dont, stop lying to me. gen I put more life into lavender town by making a npc reference some ghost hand on your shoulder than SV does for any town, and they only had black and white 32mb cartridges or whatever to work with. for fucking shame gamefreak. give your devs some time to make a halfway functioning game.

firered and leafgreen do nothing new. i will not discuss the sevii islands. what the fuck even was that. boring. same with brilliant diamond and shining pearl. theyre lower than diamond and pearl because why the fuck did they not decide to remake platinum. what the hell was their damage. seriously platinum was RIGHT there. i caught a full odds shiny ghastly in that game and i still dont care about it.

X&Y suffers from. everything.

[just-before-dawn]

ok big question im kinda wondering how did you came up with ur fanfic "Where the Streets have no name" and the inspos when it comes to writng the world and its characters

thank you for the question! im always willing to blurb out my thought processes haha.

i wanted to write a long fic because there really wasnt that many? (at the time when i came up with this) and i just really wanted to read a very good dramatic slowburn human au tuggoff fic but there weren't any out there, so i did the dirty work myself haha.

i actually came up with the story idea in 2022. this fic couldve been a VERY different story, but i still wanted it to be a dramatic, slice of life, school based, human au fic that features misto's magic as its main point. (the scene of tugger discovering misto's magic was the drive for me creating this whole fic). at first, they started out in an academy and all of the characters were dorming, but i realized it didnt fit well with misto's magic and the overall plot, so i turned it into the siblings having to attend public school.

the music was also a big factor for writing this fic. each chapter is a song. i try to relate the chapter plot to the song or vice versa. (thank you guardians of the galaxy for being my inspo to that). however the title is actually the one song i put most thought into because the lyrics relate to tugger and misto's personal goals so well. they are both beaten up from the life they have lived/are living. they want to escape this pain so badly, so they find it in each other and their love to find the peace they need, the healing they crave, the street that has no name.

i have a lot of inspos for the way i write tugger and misto. i took inspo from heartstopper, sasaki and miyano, boy meets world, and other series (that i cant really remember off of the top of my head) for the general vibes of the story. i always imagine this fic as a drama tv series haha. rogue and gambit from xmen are also now helping me write the tuggoff dynamics too. theres also sett and aphelios from league of legends who are also very similar to tugger and misto!

but tugger was really the main focus point for me. it was important for me to really draw out his character. i actually relate a little too well to tugger more than i expected, so i always enjoy writing in his pov. hes the perfect character who masks everything he's feeling, burying all of his vulnerable feelings in the ground until there's no more room. i get so much inspo for him from sean from boy meets world for the drama and from sasaki from sasaki and miyano for how he reacts to having a crush on someone. those two characters really helped me build up tugger's personality. his interaction with the world helped me write misto's interactions.

i also love writing misto, he's a very reserved character who sticks a lot to his thoughts, so writing his inner dialogue was the hitting point for me. my favorite thing was getting to his "oh" moment with tugger. the main question that helped me write misto's relationship with tugger was "what would be that tipping point for misto's heart to finally fall?" i also needed to think about how his powers isolate him from everyone else.

i have a chart and list for misto's powers and how his powers actually work (which i cannot reveal yet haha).

for writing the rest of the characters, i actually imagine their voices and how they would say certain things, then it helps me get their personality from that. munkustrap for me was always that older sibling figure who cares so much because he feels he has to and hes the only glue keeping the family together to prevent another tragic event from happening (big relate to that). victoria for me is that sister who wants the best for her brother, shes the one who understands misto well to even say his thoughts when he goes silent. she's full of that joy, purity, and innocence that grounds misto. bombalurina is the perfect best friend for tugger in a way that she knows him in such a deeper way (despite them never truly talking about their feelings). because she understands tugger, she can slap whatever thoughts out of him and whip him into shape. i chose tumblebrutus as misto's best friend because i just always liked the way the two danced with each other in the 1998 version (despite that role always going to pouncival), and i thought it would be great to develop that kind of relationship.

but i do in fact have a pinterest board for most of the characters. saving textposts, face claims, and aesthetics really help me imagine these characters better. they also helped me design these characters too.

ahhh i hope i answered your question well and i hope i didn't ramble too much, anon! i get so excited to talk about my fic haha. this story has been boiling my brain for 2 years now and the plans i have for it are so huge, i hope everyone is excited for them as i am.

[spade-riddles]

Sorry mate TTA but I'm gonna need more cuz it's easy & convenient for you to say all that AFTER the fact. Hell any one of us couldve sent in that ask. Perhaps ur legit but I still feel like ur just another hater making up stuff to make us look stupid.

Anonymous asked:

And we should care, why, Tea Time Anon? I'm not seeing any reason to continue supporting those two women or to put any faith into what you say.

Anonymous asked:

I really really really hope that that teatime anon isnt giving us false hopes. Like im already at the edge, one more step and im out. But right now im taking 2 steps back and hang around… again.

Anonymous asked:

Well! It's a REALLY good thing for the girls that buying out of contracts is a thing, then, isn't it!

Because them doing it ASAP is the ONLY thing that will make it so that the number of people that will support them as a out couple ISN'T so low that you can count them on one hand! 😒🚬

Anonymous asked:

Yeah sure like she moved the re-release of her most successful and most anticipated album ever *at the last minute* because of Karlie. As if she was ever gonna incorporate Karlie while married to a Kushner (the divorce wouldn't have come right away). I used to believe so much in tta. But the timeline of events they describe doesn't make sense. Am not falling for the "pivot" excuse anymore.

Anonymous asked:

“I think you all may have guessed that a PR divorce was planned and cancelled because of his Instagram deletion and subsequent reactivation.” No offense to you SR, but this sounds really manipulative. Make us feel good for something we indeed were assuming to gain our trust in order to then excuse their inconsistencies. Also even if 1989 were to be released on May, Speak Now was never gonna be released in July as they had said. Too short of a rollout for 1989. Explain that TeaTimeAnon. 🤷‍���️

Anonymous asked:

Renegotiate!? Come on. Nope. Taylor better carry on, cause that is bullshit if true. Hell nah. Karlie is ridiculous to keep agreeing to shit—and Taylor is ridiculous to keep going along with it. Nope. Sorry. 😏

I do feel like something was coming in May for sure. I'm not sure what's going on, but things are for sure off. And it is weird that she all of a sudden announces RED 5 months early after dropping 1989 merch. Cool, no problem, but a weird rollout.

Anonymous asked:

Uh why does KK need money from jerk if she has Taylor? The whole she needs his money thing which is why she’s staying is getting to be an old excuse.

Anonymous asked:

There's no way the jerklie divorce was scheduled for the end of May. The end of the contract maybe. But there's absolutely no way they'd be getting divorced 3 months after the birth of the baby. It would have drawn too much unnecessary attention.

Anonymous asked:

Lmao tea time is just saying what we’ve all been saying. They are NOT legit. Stop trying to convince us that they are. They sound like regular fans taking a guess. Enough

Anonymous asked:

Sigh. I am a long time Kaylor and I really don’t find 🍵 credible. There was nothing in that explanation that we haven’t already speculated about at length on here. Unless there’s some strong corroboration of why they’re a trustworthy source, I really don’t need anymore “tea”.

Anonymous asked:

I mean come on. Would a real insider reveal so many details about Karlie's contract which is STILL ongoing in a place that is HEAVILY monitored by Jerk's team? Are we really that naive to believe that someone is offering such precious info without any care? TTA is either a troll or worse... they're dangling fake hope again right when everyone has started saying how sick and tired they are and how pointless it is to still support them. TTA must prove themselves, or not bother us ever again.

Anonymous asked:

Some of what TTA is saying makes sense... But here's my big question: Is Karlie sad and blue every day for months like Taylor talked about in Hoax? Or is she willingly prolonging her contract, pushing Taylor's re-recording schedule, and making it harder to untangle her and her kid from the K*shners? Both cannot be true. I'm not a big Karlie fan rn, but I think it's the first option. Also, TTA said 1989 TV would drop 5/14. So K renegotiated and T pushed 1989 in under 2 weeks? I'm skeptical.

Anonymous asked:

… so a “PR divorce” was scheduled for May, but instead we get Karlie w Joshua’s mom walking the baby and Karlie posing for pics in their stunt apt and a Father’s Day post? Among other pap walks? Literally makes NO sense.

Anonymous asked:

If anything is worth staying tied to the K*shners when you had a chance to be free, I have no respect left.

Anonymous asked:

can someone clarify what the 3rd part of tta's message?? taylors sm, interviews have been messy? like no?? that was(is) karlie?? the only "mess" on her part are that she sent out clues for multiple albums, and even that I refuse to believe that such a meticuluous planner as taylor did not take absolutely every factor in consideration, especially one as big as jerk renemwing their contract or whatever exactly went down. here im assuming that jerk had the power to single handedly renew [PART 1]

the contract, and that the term 're NEGOTIATE' is used loosely, because what could the kushners possibly have to offer to karlie other than money- black, dishonest, taxpayers' money- even her rep isnt being helped by the kushners, so why would she agree to extending their stupid skit that no one signed up for? and taylor has more than enough money to last 7 lifetimes. and if jerk had the power to renew the contract without karlies involvement, there is just no way that taylor didnt [PART 2/4]

take that into consideration. Also, the 22 weeks and men's day thing is too perfect to be planned on a whim, but it is possible that like some anon had previously said, it was planned for 2022, so we can overlook that. but otherwise, there are only so many possibilities: 1. 1989 was postponed because karlie DECIDED to continue playing house with the kushners for money. in which case, either a) taylor supported her (seems unlikely but still possible) or b) they broke up because of this [PART3/4]

2. karlie and jerk are together for real and have a kid together and karlie refused to being a part of 1989 tv era because she doesnt want kaylor rumours again, which i agree would be unpleasant if she really is with jerk, taylor is or is not with joe, and karlies refusal caused 1989 to pivot, and all of us kaylors are delusional to think there is anything more between them. <PART 4/5>,

3. karlie is, infact, bearding with jerk but kaylor broke up a while ago and taylor doesnt want to relive 1989 tv so soon after her breakup because it would remind her of karlie. 4. they broke up sometime in the past and taylor asked her now ex to be part of the 1989 tv era and she refused. 5. tta is a fraud. these are really the only situations i think are plausible, others are free to add more and share your thoughts on these. <PART 4/5>

also, another thing that has me doubting the credibility of tta is how direct their messages are. there is a chance that spade is/was legit because they spoke the same language as taylor- one of codes and puzzles. but tta's messages are wayy too straightforward to be approved by taylor i think. so either, as another anon requested, show some proof, like maybe a single release date for red tv or something, or stop sending supposed "tips" <PART 5/5>

Anonymous asked:

Convenient that TTA shows up after Red TV has been announced. Taylor has been dropping hints about all her albums since before May. Red tv being next makes sense and there is Easter eggs and evidence that was the case. Also: if negotiations happened at start of May, why was KK dropping 1989 hints as recent as last week. It’s doesn’t make sense.

Anonymous asked:

TTA: What about Speak Now TV coming out on July 9th, like you said last time? That album has nothing to do with Karlie. Taylor said pretty clearly that the next album she's releasing is Red TV. So what's your explanation for Speak Now's release being pushed to some unspecified date?

[planetjisungie]

lucky charms- h.rj

characters; ravenclaw! renjun x hufflepuff! reader ft. gryffindor! mark and gryffindor! jeno (sigh)

summary; with the exams coming up, you need a little help with your charms. well you dont, you just needed an excuse to talk to your long time crush, huang renjun

an; i literally changed this on the spot 🤡 plot holes here i come- (also id like to think jeno is more of a hufflepuff but idk man)

sigh okay this is a long boi

end of year exams were in just a few weeks

yay, your absolute favourite !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

sarcasm

now, charms

in room 99, classroom 2E in the south tower

i did my research

you were pretty good at charms, not nearly as good as you were in the care of magical creatures and herbology though

still above averagely good

you know who else was good at charms?

huang renjun

the star ravenclaw prince boy, the pride of the house and a very beautiful boy

best boi renjun

if jeno was being quite honest he was SICK AND TIRED of hearing you two pine over eachother

jeno met you in first year, and you quickly became best friends and even ended up in the same house as eachother

despite having different friend groups (your friend group consisted of you and eunji), you stayed best friends until now aka 5th year

just go with it okay

so as he was saying before i digressed, jeno physically is pained as he watched the longing glances both you and renjun throw when the other isnt looking

but it isnt his business to meddle with your lack of relationship problems

best boi part 2

BUT! but! he will give you both a tiny! eensy! little! minuscule! nudge

that nudge being forming a plan with you

you were slightly reluctant when jenos very enthusiastic face greeted you at the table saying he had ‘a totally brilliant, spectacular, show stopping, wonderful, flawless plan’

this was jeno we were talking about

the same boy who planned the failed midnight snack run a few weeks before

and as soon as he mentioned renjun your eyes narrowed

"proceed."

the plan was for jeno to ask renjun to tutor his friend who was falling behind in charms

said friend was you

and you were ahead of the class

bUT!! you agreed because he wasnt in your class, so there was no way he could know that right?

wrong.

who was in your class?

mark lee. one of renjuns best friends.

also the boyfriend of eunji and the reason you wanted to gauge your eyeballs out everytime you turned around to talk to them

thats right eunji ditched you to sit next to her little markie. bitch.

nonetheless, you agreed because your dumb, spontaneous ass forgot that renjun even knew mark, because if someone said ‘whos mark?’ you would go ‘eunjis boyfriend’

so of course, when all the students were making their way to their class, jeno caught up with renjun seeing as they both had muggle studdies

"hey man, i have a favour to ask"

stage one of operation: stop the oblivious fuckers from pining over eachother (that name may need some revamping) was a-go

"depends what said favour is"

smart boi™️

"is it possible to tutor one of my friends in charms for the upcoming OWLs?"

oh? this piqued china pretty boys interest

"i mean, sure, i could do with some revision too. tell them to meet me at the library after school"

and so jeno walked away with a smug smirk, victorious

and when jeno told you he had agreed later in potions, you were yet you werent surprised

so of you trotted after last period, kinda nervous because youre about to be in the literal breathing proximity of renjun

like obviously youve talked to him before but this time it was just you and him

alone

no get those thoughts out of your head

n e ways u perv

renjun sat at the back table, textbooks and notebooks with his neat writing in both chinese and korean all over the pages

smart boi part 2

so seeing him not looking at you

attention whore

wow why am i so mean today

you sat down and cleared your throat, placing your blank notebooks on the table so the boy wouldnt get suspicious

you had to pray to whatever gods were listening for your cheeks not to flare up the colour of the strawberries you had for breakfast

healthy girl™️

and the gods apparently answered your prayers

because as soon as renjun looked up and into your eyes you swore you were too distracted for your blood cells to even think about moving towards your face

and renjun nearly had a heart attack (by aoa)

poor boy

jeno had NOT told him that he would be tutoring you

he was going to be choked later

"sorry im late"

renjun was nearly offended that you would even apologise to him for being late by

2 minutes and 48 seconds

"no no its okay i havent been here long"

that was a lie he had study period last and has been sat in the same goddamn chair for an hour already but your presence made his ass cheeks ache less

so he started teaching you, but ???

you seemed to fully grasp the concepts

confused boi

excuse me ma’am/sir/señor/señorita whatever you prefer to go by-

you need to brush up on your acting skills dude

appalling smh your drama teacher back from your muggle school would be completely distraught

so for the next hour renjun ‘tutored’ you

things you already knew but this was a dream-

and actually he was a funny guy

he was also muggle born, so you could both relate over things you experienced as a kid

this lead to a raging debate over dora the explorer

that bitch was shaded in said debate, fully annihilated

hola soy dora your asshole

but,, it was fun. because jeno was pureblood and grew up knowing about all his magicky stuff so he was kinda boring sometimes

no tea no shade

but you ended the session with smiles on both your faces, cheeks literally aching with how hard youd been laughing and smiling

so lads

the next day at breakfast renjun was all happy, plonking himself next to mark at the gryffindor table because

man does not give a SHIT about the looks he was getting. he is huang renjun.

"why are you so smiley this morning? and why didn’t you come to my common room last night"

the gryffindor common room was the dreamie hang out

no one dared tell THE mark lee to go somewhere else with his friends

"sorry, last night i was tutoring y/n in charms" smiley boy still

mark seagull eyebrows: activated

excuse him?? charms?? you?? the one who got an outstanding in your report card??

something smells fishy here

"renjun... y/n got an outstanding on her charms"

eunji who had magically appeared next to mark basically said what he was just thinking

confused boi part ??

"wait what?"

but later on he didnt question you about it

he silently observed you

he told himself that anyway

quite honestly if you were spending time with him he was not about to complain

he was staring at you, simply put

my leng bby (thats you, youre my leng bby)

so for the next 2 weeks every day after school you would meet up to ‘catch up’ on your charms

that being said it literally always, every time, ended up with you two talking about something unrelated

like the 5th day you had a conversation about which series of power rangers was better

"SPD, obviously"

AM I THAT OLD?? on god i hate it here

"no, y/n, we all know that dino force is better"

i agree with y/n on this one pal

on the 7th day you talked about muggle sports that you both enjoyed

"i played a lot of cricket"

"cricket? okay tory"

"i am NOT a tory"

on the last day when you should have been, you know, LEARNING

you were having a lovely old chinwag about the x factor

"simon cowell is a king"

"i agree"

legend behaviour if you ask me

wait does chinwag exist in other countries??? translation: chat

so of course the exams came up

but you were dreading them for a different reason

this meant the end of tutoring with renjun

this was super bittersweet, you wanted to spend more time with eachother

you literally could it wasn’t that deep both of you are so dumb smh aint nothing stopping you

jeno agrees with me too, mans pulling out his hair still as you had somehow not gotten together yet

it was like watching snails race, incredibly frustrating but you know that there is the finish line somwhere over the horizon

so you took your exams and both of you passed with flying colours, obviously

smart kids

and you ran right to renjun to celebrate

seeing as he had

not really helped you but you thought that he thought he helped you

oh no honey he knew that you didnt need help

but he didnt know whether to confront you about it?

rip your guilty conscience

so after a long discussion with mark, our china boy decided to ask why the heck you wanted his help when you were absolutely fully capable

unlike mark

and when you saw him approach you first in the halls your heart went

NYYOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM

that was the sound of a fast motorbike

"hi y/n"

‘damn renjun, couldnt have thought of anything better than that?’

"uhh hi renjun"

awkward silence by stray kids

"i just wanted to know why you asked for my help"

okay where is the nearest shovel and what is the most efficient way to dig a large hole-

as if renjun sensed your panic radiating off you in waves

which he did

"not that it was an issue! i enjoyed spending time with you, it was just, you didnt really need help"

he was a pure boy

so you puffed your cheeks and decided to just come clean

somewhere, jeno felt his senses tingling

"genuinely i just wanted to spend some time with you because i really like you"

renjun froze and wanted to smack his head into a wall

bruh

you noticed his expression and panicked yet again

stop panicking man its okay i gotchu

"it was jenos idea"

blame jeno is always a fool-proof plan b

unless you get pregnant, that would not be a good idea

so i guess its not fool proof

BUT I DIGRESS

renjun face palms and groans

"youre kidding me! all this time we wasted doing boringass charms work when we couldve gone on dates"

confusion™️

but?? you felt hopeful??

"i dont think im on the same wavelength"

"i like you too dumbass"

oH so YOURE the dumbass??

yes, yes you are renjun is best boi, accept the L which is really a W bc renjun likes you back

jeno who had found his way to you, listening from around the corner sighed in happiness

"fucking finally!!"

[melforbes]

ask meme. what if. patching up. no I still haven’t seen source material

the way i completely forgot about this ask until i wrote like two paragraphs in this and was like oh shit lmao

the source material is getting an hbo series bb you're in luck also ignore anna whatever as tess yes i respect her as an actress yes she is talented in a bunch of things i have not seen but ms annie wersching is the only tess in my heart and also if i have to endure tess being reduced to a powerbitch stereotype i will start foaming at the mouth. but also i have no feelings about this whatsoever <3

WHAT IF: i will pick an important choice or event in my current project and write three sentences (or more?) about if it’d gone done differently

hmmmmmmMMMMMMMMMMMMMm

this is hard because i kind of had a stupid amount of confidence in the decisions i had them make in this and because i have ~a lot of experience~ in flying by the seat of my pants with writing lmaooooo a lot of the time with this ive had some degree of foresight when it comes to certain plot decisions. the only reason i have this in the first place is that with other things ive had kind of sort of plot revelations and then been like "well if i'd set that up three chapters ago it would have a huge impact i think but instead i guess it's just going in this one for a smaller impact" so i think i learned my lesson haha. also because this pairing nowadays has a small and sparse tag i really intentionally put in stuff to make it interesting (maybe the wrong word) to reread. like not Interesting interesting but i wanted there to be certain details that are more relevant on a reread than on an initial read because whenever i read stuff in small tags i tend to read it Multiple Times lmaoooooo and it's like if anyone like me is out there I Will Feed You. I Will Give You Food. you see i have this problem in which im like i dont want to act like i put thought into this because That's Embarrassing and i also dont want to seem like i take this too seriously because That's Embarrassing and also i dont want to act uppity or pompous or something But At The Same Time i do put a lot of thought into certain things and i feel like mentioning that and i dont really want to judge myself for that. it's complicated but also super uncomplicated. where was i going with this

OH right. so most of the plot decisions were made super concretely. like pre breakup arc in the nightmares chapters (which came out so much worse than i intended alkdjksjad;glksjg) when tess and joel talk about ellie Knowing (also legit it is such a trip to me that you dont know the context of that. a trip in a good way) she says we every time and he only ever says i even when she points out that this would affect both of them, and at one point i think he says that tess doesnt understand baseless violence which is 100% untrue, and then there's a bunch of window imagery i put in starting there because im a freak. so like For Once In My Life a lot of this was as planned as it could be. on occasion there's been Plot Revelations that get wedged in (the radio interlude chapter, which was a bit of an inelegant seam between prewritten things that didnt mesh well) but for the most part ive got tits out into every decision. like tess and ellie disagreeing about joel's choice was very planned though i imagine that kind of conversation could be executed many different ways i had my one way and stuck to it. so either way

where was i going with this. did i have a point.

OKAY. let's see. i think one of the big ~emotional beats~ so to speak was the ambush chapter and i think that's the favorite because that's usually where people comment if i remember correctly and initially i wasnt going to go with that tone At All haha. years ago i wrote everyday domestic scenes of mulder and scully from x files and had it all on this blog and it was plotless but largely in the same overarching universe (i say as if it was legit ever That Deep) and after writing this as a oneshot and being like you know? Kind of feel like doing that again. i figured i would just follow the same largely plotless path of legit just domesticity and leave it at that. and i think the first like five chapters are tonally different from the rest because i'd never really intended for it to have plot or really any depth whatsoever. in the end like. How do i say this in a way that wont be interpreted as uppity or something asldkjgalsdgjk like. when i did those mulder scully scenes i was very much a beginner and i think i didnt realize just how inherent that beginner-ness was to the concept itself. which isnt a bad thing! like people had fun with those so far as i remember. bizarrely enough i think people might still read those which. cringe. but you kno!!! but with a few years of distance from that kind of concept i think it was hard for me to Not try something else. especially with this universe in which it's just dense with storytelling opportunity. and also i felt as if the first few chapters were just like super super lighthearted and i wanted some angst factor. which is why in the end the angst factor plot itself is flimsy as fuck. like i did not care WHY they got attacked i just wanted that sweet sweet hurt/comfort cup of tea u feel. and after that i didnt really go for the plot too much But i did edge toward it a lot more. like i mean ultimately this is a romance like it was not intended to be plot heavy ever But it's more plot heavy than it couldve been. had i actually written it as i'd intended from the start i think it wouldve gotten old really fast. like nothing but lighthearted domesticity doesnt make sense in this context. for the first few chapters it doesnt necessarily kill the whole thing imo because like. that's the first few chapters. but after then if there was never any ~deeper thoughts~ i think it wouldve gotten reductive super fast.

hmmm what else. Because i am deciding to talk too much on the internet now.

oh in theory the whole breakup arc couldve been omitted and now in retrospect im like it's hilarious that like the next chapter after they got married i immediately peppered in hints that they would break up lkajsdglaksjgdlkj like wow. That lasted a long time. but like i mean i think with them it fits that they would do something like get married before they even said that they loved each other. like i can see them doing a massive workaround instead of doing a small and simple but vulnerable thing. makes sense 2 me. and like they definitely couldve stuck together in the end but 1 theres interesting storytelling in how maybe joel was too stubborn or maybe they grew apart in certain ways or blah blah blah and 2 I JUST LOVE A GOOD BREAKUP AND THEN RETURNING TO EACH OTHER ARC OKAAAAAAAAAY. legit. favorite trope. if i ever experienced that in real life i would claw my eyes out but in fiction it makes me FERALLLL. and also like i mean i lov these two for their dumb quirks but also like it would be a lil wrong to say there wouldnt be consequences for like. Not communicating haha. also again like the world this game is put in is so full of storytelling opportunities and im like Must Take Them All. like joel is stubborn as hell and shuts down when he's overwhelmed and there is growth in the first game (and in the second too but thats not really shown as much and is more left for the player to fill in the gaps i think) but also i think it would be super easy to regress in that sense and i had fun with putting him in those situations. and it's also super fun to have an additional person for the joel and ellie plots to bounce off of. like joel and ellie are two very stubborn people and having an extra person there to be like You Blithering Idiots has been a good time. im getting sidetracked. like it was fun to answer the question of how these two in a marriage neither of them can fully substantiate would communicate in hard times and the answer i personally found was that they both would end up breaking things. which was fun to write!!!!!!!!! but in theory couldve been prevented. maybe i just cant imagine this a different way haha. like Joel And Tess Learn Healthy Communication Skills Over Time. am i mean for saying that doesnt sound probable aldskjgalskdjgslkgj

OH LMAO THE MARRIAGE PART. that was also a big decision i guess. i wouldnt make it go differently alksdjglasdjg like. i definitely couldve written the context around that many different ways bc again this whole is full of opportunity But a frankly premature wedding just feels right to me. especially with like going from being stuck on survival to being safe for the first time in decades. and then having that sense of safety get boring and wondering why there was that super fast wedding in the first place. cant really imagine it going differently

there is later unposted stuff that could def have gone many different ways and that i tried to make go different ways but that would not be right to talk about akldsjaslkgdjsg so.

this got too long sorry <3

[alicemitch09writes]

i have been meaning to say this for awhile but never really got the chance to but ive seen a couple of anon asks here that says you were ~dragging~ the angst for way too long and that it’s been getting annoying how reader seems like she’s not getting past her insecurities especially towards her sister

so let me just say this; regarding the angst, to be honest with you it wasn’t dragged on at all. in fact, i think a year is too fast for them to move forward. granted, the catalyst was the realisation that atsumu is losing reader. for real this time. he’s realising that he cannot subconsciously keep on keeping an eye on her or still have her by his side along his brother.

onto the reader, i don’t know what you guys are reading but all throughout the series which has literally more than 200 pages (ebook style) i can be sure that it’s less than a page wherein reader’s insecurity for mika has been really outwardly mentioned. as for her insecurities in general, that much is a given. no, it doesn’t matter if she’s a teenager who is trying her best not to have her emotions rule her.

this ones deeper than that. y’all gotta realise that everyone around reader (sans her family) has always made her feel invisible and lesser than. it doesn’t matter where they are or who they’re with. she’s always labelled as someone who’s just never enough compared to both her sister and her younger brother even. ever since they were kids. does anyone realise how damaging that is to anyone’s psyche? or is it just me??? it was always drilled into her mind that what she’s good at is studying, lol. and she doesn’t even believe that that’s like... a super strength to her character. she just thought that she just happened to be good at it, nothing special. now, the incident happened and she heard from her very first love. that she’s got nothing going on for her except her brain. LITERALLY in front of her. mind you, this is the same person who’s always made her feel seen and had always made her feel like she belongs. then realising that he, too, thought that she’s really just plain and boring? well, isn’t that something? plus, her trust being broken way too many times. even by people who she gave everything to.

all of these factors, plus others combined. i’d say you handled this very realistically. in fact, there were many instances where reader feels as though she’s enough and what she’s doing is enough but of course, in the journey of loving and accepting yourself, there’s always going to be setbacks. people making you feel small and boring ever since you were a kid, reader will always have that nagging feeling of insecurity in the back of her mind.

even when atsumu started treating her like theyre buddy buddy without ever apologising and her thinking that ‘this is enough’ she still had her reservations and doubts. as she should! what would y’all feel if someone who’s took every opportunity to hurt you again and again. to humiliate you. to trample over your feelings as if they’re nothing. started to act as if that rift between the two of you never happened? and her knowing that no matter what happens from this point onwards, atsumu and her will never go back to the way they once were? whewwww

it makes reader human. the way she acts and the way she’s processing things right now, makes her all the more human. she might be strong and she might present herself to be that type to never be knocked down by anything but she’s got her limits too. she’s got her bad days too. and sometimes, no matter how much you convince yourself that you’re getting better, that nagging feeling of dark thoughts will still linger in the back of your mind. that’s how it goes. because loving and accepting yourself is not just all about forgetting everything that knocks you down, it’s also getting up whenever those bad thoughts and days seem to be getting better of you. and that’s what reader has been doing all this time.

she deserves all those little factors that made her the way she is all throughout this series. because it couldn’t be more realistic to have all the what-ifs, what couldve been, what could be, etc be placed and scattered throughout her healing(???) process.

im p sure i missed a lot of points to say but id say this is still a pretty good and convincing thought LMAOO - 🎨

to be honest, i was also pissed, but had to step back. as mentioned before, this story has a bit of me - because they were my experiences growing up, getting so used to either being invisible, the second fiddle, or as the inferior sibling. it's numb me to the point that i've become so pessimistic and cynical.

nonetheless, i have to respect that everyone is each to their own opinion. yet at the same time, it's not fair to disregard the fact that there are people like reader who have a high threshold for pain, saint-like presence, or are just plain masochists.

as for the angst, this is exactly the kind of angst i really like reading - where you really see glimpse of what a certain pain can do to someone, emotionally and psychologically. yes, i do love the 'they don't love me back' trope, but on a deeper level? that's just *chef's kiss* nothing hurts more if you actually get to feel what they're feeling, which is why i chose to write my angst that way :>

[avpdpunpun]

i disappeared for 3/4ths a year here’s an update?

its been 4 months since my queue ran out and way longer since i wrote an actual post. 8 months about? i think i last posted when i impulse quit a job that was bad for my mental health and just kept getting worse.

sometimes i wonder when ppl who blog about mental illness disappear if they’ve died. there was a big user i used to follow who did, and i still occasionally think about it sometimes, so i figure its nice to post updates sometimes. and being able to look back on posts ive written and reflect on them/what state of mind i was in can be helpful even if it can be embarrassing/dangerous because its so easy to fall back into those thinking habits 

after quitting my job i did basically nothing for 6 months haha. at some point i managed to clean out my room which i had done the bare minimum on for years because of depression, took out more built up trash than i thought was possible to fit into my small space. its disgusting but the only thing i struggle to keep up with now at least is vacuuming and putting clothes away so my space is a lot cleaner and it makes me happier. your living space can really have an effect on your mood bless you marie kondo

after my post about having an anxiety attack taking my test i got my drivers license in march. i saw the same lady again after going somewhere else and i think she just let me pass because she felt bad haha. i never finished drivers ed and i still get anxiety about driving unfamiliar routes but my skills and confidence have improved a lot. i managed to drive 2 hours to a big city to visit a friend! i literally didnt have a choice in getting my license, but its still something i can be proud of. like, when i have to explain it to people, it feels extremely shitty that i didnt get it until i was 20, and only about 5 months ago too but... for someone who struggles as much as me, i have to be proud of it my small accomplishments or i’ll have nothing.

at some point something in my brain just snapped and i literally havent been able to cry? for a long time in those 6 months i felt like i was right on the edge of breaking down mentally but never actually crossing that line and it was honestly one of the weirdest things ive experienced. i almost wanted to have a breakdown again just to get rid of the feeling and reach a catharsis like... i used to be a fucking crybaby almost but i. cant. anymore. but i think ive mostly moved away from this point... still feel kinda weird tho.

i didnt end up signing up to a local school fo gen eds. its still on my mind for the vague future because there’s topics i want to learn about (psychology, natural resources, languages...) and maybe try to pursue for a career but really i just wanted a way to get out of my toxic house, even if it meant going into debt to live in a shitty dorm. 

in the last 30 days though life has been moving extremely quickly for me. i dont think i couldve lived with myself much longer being a useless adult basically living in my basement bedroom of my parents house, especially with my younger siblings getting nearer to adult milestones, plus my savings were starting to run out.

so literally next weekend, i’m moving out! and i make enough money right now that with the rough budget i have established, if its accurate, i’ll have a decent amount of wiggle room and hopefully wont be ruining my mental health just trying to make ends meet.

it took a long time of searching but i managed to find a job that hasnt made me suicidal and has slightly more than the MIT living wage for my area lol. im a janitor now! we’ll see how long it lasts but a lot of the factors from my last two jobs that contributed to my failing mental health are gone. i rarely have to interact with other people, and if i do its my coworkers, of who i tend to only see for minutes per day, or the other people working in the building i clean who at most i have to say hi and have a nice night to lol. i get to listen to music and podcasts for 8 hours and its very routine heavy. i have to clock out after the 8 hours is up so i literally cant be forced into overtime. a lot of people dont respect cleaning jobs like this but honestly who gives a fuck, its something i can handle mentally and support myself with. its still hard adjusting to 40 hours. i know its the standard, but the standard is rly tough for me, but i think i can do it long term.

all of this has been achieved through sheer self hatred and impulse alone, and im very nervous about moving in with 3 other people even if 1 of them ive known for 8 years, and i dont think its even properly hit me yet. literally cant register that i have to fend 100% for myself but also ill be away from my toxic family! i can bring my cat with me, who before this i got to see at MOST once a week!

a dude ive known online for two or more years is moving to my area too for college and he’s so sweet and kind, i feel better talking to him than i have 99% of people in my life and im so lucky to know him. ive been forced to talk about personal things i was kind of dreading (not his fault, just a result of our relationship going to go from online -> irl and things id have to address beforehand) and honestly i didnt even mind it that much when i just got it over with and talked about it to him! vulnerability is literally the thing i struggle with the most in interpersonal relationships and is a huge block for me in every way and in even the most mundane life situations but like... he’s honestly the best and im getting emotional writing this and its weird af because i straight up dont GET emotional about other people. ive absolutely developed a stupid fucking crush on him recently and i THINK hes been receptive to flirting and i cant tell if he flirts back because we already say i love you and are wholesome af but honestly no clue if he’s into (trans) dudes but honestly? even if it doesnt work out im so happy to be friends with him and im so excited to finally meet him!! i really think knowing him has helped me improve myself 

i’ve always thought that if i could literally just achieve the bare minimum in life that things would naturally get better. like i’m still mentally ill and get paranoid about peoples intentions and i think if my boss yelled at me id have an anxiety attack on the spot. im still depressed and hate that i have low energy and that it’s still rly hard doing basic chores. 

but like a huge part of my problem was that i felt like i literally couldn’t TRY to connect with people if i couldn’t face having to tell them bare info about myself, like “oh i cant drive” or “i dont have a job” or that i was living with my parents but not even making PROGRESS on getting out. like how could i make friends or go on dates if i literally couldnt contribute shit or admit these things i was so ashamed of? a lot of my self image was shaped by this because my entire life i havent been mentally well enough to do as well as i should have.

but like. i feel like im finally doing these basic things!! i dont have to hate myself so much anymore! i dont look badly on other mentally ill ppl who are less lucky than i/havent been able to do those things yet/might not ever and are still in the same situation i was 2 months ago but the self hatred is strong pls understand.

i dont know yet if i could afford twice yearly drs visits for meds or anything and probably not therapy. i dont even know what my insurance is yet haha. but i’ll see

i need to figure out at what point in my life im going to be able to never contact a single person in my family ever again, considering i’ll be a 20 min drive away and they will know the precise location of where i live, and if i’ll ever feel safe enough in society to start hrt but :^) you know :^) i can at least present more masculinely in the meantime!

i dont rly know how to conclude this... i’m not trying to brag either im just very nervous and excited about where my life might be going for the first time ever? maybe? in my entire life? i have no clue what to pursue after moving out, but i can figure it out. and just... that there’s hope even if youre as fucked up and mentally ill as i am lmao!

[dvrkhclme-blog]

✕ — wasn’t that raven darkholme wandering the streets of new york, 1973? civilians know them as mystique and see them as a villain. as far as i know, the one hundred and fifty+ year old stands with the x-men (sometimes), and are rumoured to be pretty deceptive & misanthropic. ( julianne moore / gender-fluid / typically she/her ) 

{ trigger warnings : mental illness, suicide, sexual abuse, drugs, terrorism, murder  }

hey everyone, i’m sophia!! i’m trash and neglected the intros for all my babies soooo i’m finally getting to them now!! anyways, i’m super excited to be here at 1973hq & i hope we can all be good friends!! <3 sooo. more about my first baby aka my murder!baby under the cut  

LEVEL 1: INTRODUCTORY INFORMATION ABOUT MY MYSTIQUE //

im not even gonna touch the mceu version of mystique ok thx therefore shes gonna be combination of comics mystique and a bunch of my own headcanons — soooo

LEVEL 2: SURFACE LEVEL MYSTIQUE — THE GOOD, THE BAD, THE UGLY // 

( skip this part if youre familiar with the mcu its basically a shortened version of her bio )

the binch is oLD ok??/ old af. probably several centuries old. i’d say 200 years old at minimum but its never really been disclosed

don’t even get me started on wtf i think happened to her to fight just to survive at age 12 when her mutation kicked in bcus,,, yike

her entire life has been characterized by betrayals. whether it be mystique betraying someone else (most likely) or her being betrayed by someone else (in the case of destiny)

her n destiny met in the early 20th century. destiny asked her to help decode her prophecies and to stop the terrifying ones from being fulfilled. they fell in Luv. they are partners. gay ass partners. (the original idea for mystique n destiny was for nightcrawler to be their canon kid. via mystique in a males body. but this was retconned bcus of homophobia thx but i’d personally love this hc if we get a kurt & it’s ok w/ them anyway )

anyway after ww2 she met sabertooth n had her first (canonically recorded) kid, graydon. who. lo n behold, she abandoned.

that’ll be a trend, fyi, better watch out for that

but graydon turned out to be a mutant hating human so thats fun

then mystique from our time went back in time in attempt to assassinate graydon (which doesnt, in the end, work),,,, also fun

then she gets married to a wealthy german count,,, uses her power to start seducing other people, when she meets azael who  manipulates and seduces her. has nightcrawler via azael ,, its cool

raven murdered her husband and was then regarded by her townsfolk n as a demon. she escaped but abandoned kurt,,, also cool

she adopts raven then. and actually genuinely loves her. (more on this in the next section)

she founds the 3rd version of the brotherhood n they do more terrorist shit good job mystique #magnetowasright

sike mystique betrayed  magneto and turned him into the government, turned the brotherhood into the freedom force, n started working for the gov. working for freedom force is when destiny died and that triggered one of mystiques many breakdowns (also more on this below)

she was v depressed at this time and taken advantage of by the shadow king. raven let herself be brainwashed by the government into thinking she was her own government handler to take down the shadow king. didnt work. he torments her the rest of her life. yike.  

she had nanotech put into her head so the government could force her to work for x-factor, while with them she finds out destiny during their partnership had other partners and kids she didnt know about and one was a mutant

graydon has this mutant savagely beaten. before mystique can kill graydon for this, hs followers kill him n turn him into a martyr. super fun. cue operation zero tolerance.

mystique went undercover as the senators wife for a while n used her connections to the fbi to do shadier shit

she then ran away and took some random chicks form and became a model and made a ton of cash — u go girl

except this kinda sucked for her because she moved into a penthouse suite which in the neighbouring building had skulls plotting to take down mankind. they framed her for a murder, her powers stopped working, n she was arrested

the government eased all her alternate identities and froze all her assets and access to the money she and destiny saved up for decades. cue another mental breakdown

then she finds out destiny was responsible for founding the anti-mutant conspiracy mystique spent her whole life trying to stop, and that destiny also didnt give medical attention to mutant kids who were deformed from their mutations

long story short she has an even worse breakdown n goes completely nihilistic, realizing she cant change the world for the better, she remakes the brotherhood and impersonates moira mctaggert to get her research on the legacy virus  

a bunch more shit happens with raven ending up in the care of homeland security. xavier makes a deal with her and breaks her out. everyont thought she tried to kill xavier,,, when she didnt actually,,, because xaviers a shady fuck,,, but oh well. rogue disowns her for it. leads to another mental breakdown.

because of this she decides fuq u xavier and creates a mutant kid identity for herself known as foxx and joins the xmen to stop rogue and remy’s relationship

she helped the x-men during this time n also helped save rogue’s life via the messiah baby. but once again her intentions are misconstrued

she snaps again and impersonates bobby drake’s girlfriend & gets the poor boy hospitalized

norman osborn then recruited her to the dark x-men, injected her with nanites, then helped logans soul to hell, but then changed her mind and helped get him back. when he got back tho he uh. well. killed her. her and sabretooth were both resurrected by the hand (more on this later)

mystique then rejoined the brotherhood, impersonated alison, and took her place as mutant liaison for shield, harvesting her DNA to make MGH (mutant growth hormone)

LEVEL 2.5: MYSTIQUE’S PLACE IN THIS VERSE

i imagine she went back in time to 1973 under the guise of helping people & being “reformed” but in reality she was also doing shady mystique shit on the side and probably trying to tie up some loose ends, whether it be with graydon, the shadow king, destiny, or someone else. or probably a combination

anyways now shes staying w/ the x-men part time and playing Good Girl for now. she wants to show everyone that shes reformed n better n just wants to do things for the betterment of mutant kind. wants 2 get their trust too

shes pretty. level headed right now i’d say. betsy braddock helped her during one of her mental breakdowns by telepathically realigning her fragmented psyche — she’s still mystique n still awful but not as chaotic anymore. and less prone to attack rogue or other people aimlessly. it’s much more goal oriented now.

LEVEL 3: MYSTIQUES PSYCHE //

ok so she identifies as gender fluid bcus she shape shifts forms but also because i imagine shes so sick of having sexualized herself all these decades to get what she wants that shes just fed up with gender norms and thinks theyre bullshit. she’s fine to go by she/her pronouns but she doesnt really identify as a specific gender in my head

she drinks but mostly absinthe and only w/ people she trusts. along those lines it’s similar for drugs but she loves a good high and a good hallucination

she has bouts of psychosis that her wiki defines as schizophrenia. it manifests in much more anger and aggression. hallucinations. delusions — especially presecutory and grandiose delusions — lack of pleasure (hence the nihilism), social withdrawal, and poverty of speech. her sense of identity becomes so fractured that she cant keep herself consistently in one body without it taking all of her concentration — and sometimes that isn’t even enough. she gets lots of mood and cognitive changes during these episodes — and completely loses her sense of self

despite her grandiose ego she’s actually very self conscious and refuses to look in a mirror. actually she’s scared of her appearance. she cant look at herself normally in fear of seeing a monster look back

this is also the reason she was so easily deceived by azael. he looked like a monster, too, and embraced her for how she is. he didnt make her change to fit another appearance that couldve been “more beautiful”

lastly, her motives for doing things??? are always for the betterment of mutantkind. over time this got very skewed and her belief became that the only way for mutants to actually live is for all humans to die. shes a terrorist through and through, but she loves mutants. she just has a personal vendetta against the x-men that’s grown over the years — her constantly being betrayed by people during her episodes of psychosis and the x-men never actually believing the real story (but also like. why would they??? shes often so awful too)

shes attempted suicide canonically in the past. she loses control of herself. it’s also heavily implied she’s been assaulted in the past. anyways shes a sad baby too

— so thats about it for my murder baby! yike this got a lot longer than i expected it to but anyways i cant wait to write her with all of you!! <3

[coffeelouis]

TELL US ALL ABOUT MEETING LOUIS!!!!!!!!

AHHHHHH I HAVE SO MANY THOUGHTS!!!!!

so essentially, we weren’t sure it was going to happen. x factor ended at 9 (except they kept us after a few minutes to do promo for next week), and we all lined up, and i was in place in the queue by 9:15. at around 9:45 i’d say (?), this guy was trying to get to two cars parked behind us, and he and the security guard and person he was with were all really annoyed we were there and were like “omg just fucking move girls” and “no one’s coming out, i don’t know why you’re waiting” which was fucking annoying but whatever. mate was just mad he couldnt get to his car (AND MOST OF THE REASON HE COULDN’T WAS THE ROAD WAS SO BLOCKED WITH BUSES AND A MILLION OTHER CARS DOING GOD KNOWS WHAT INCLUDING GETTING INTO AN ACCIDENT WHICH WE LITERALLY SAW AND WHICH I POINTED OUT IN MY 3-MINUTE VIDEO I TOOK WHEN LOUIS CAME OUT BUT WHAT THE FUCK EVER) 

anyway, the last tube from the station nearby was 10:30. the tube stops running full-stop at 12. this is just some context. at ~12 (i wasn’t paying attention to the time, but i was on the street walking away at 12:20 and this all happened pretty quickly), louis’ security guard (i think? not 100% sure who he was) was like “girls, he’s not coming out” but then very quickly changed to “if you can get into groups of at LEAST 6, probably 10, i’ll bring him out” so we do so and he ends up even getting barricade things to mark them and it’s all a very intense production. so we arrive at the climax

louis comes out!!!!!! i took a video of literally the whole interaction, which i sent to the louisource gc, and they posted the bit where he’s right in front of me, but if people want the whole 3-minutes where he’s also at other points and kinda far away, i can post that too. (be warned, you can hear me talking and it’s Very Embarassing. i def told him i loved him like many many times and i also pointed out the guy taking pictures of the car he hit while he was trying to park, lol) ANYWAY, it was incredible! he was so sweet and cute and he kept saying “love youse!” and at one point said that while looking at me which was INCREDIBLE. he also pushed his elbow back when putting his arm around anthony and fucking nudged me and it was the best moment of my life, i TOUCHED THE ICONIC LARRY DENIM JACKET. 

hmmm..what else? well, he’s really just a sweetie and i love him with my whole heart and tonight just makes that even more true. i love my dad!!! 

also, as another note, my whole rant at the beginning is there because like, they couldnt NOT bring louis out at that point?? like they’d let us all stand there freezing for 3 hours, possibly getting hypothermia (likely getting hypothermia, lbr, i stood outside freezing for 14 fucking hours today) and the thing is, that all couldve been avoiding if they’d made a broad announcement at the beginnging like “hey folks! louis not feeling it tonight, so please make arrangements to get home on time and get home safe, thanks for coming!” because, of course some would’ve stayed anyway, but a lot would have been like “ok, he’s not coming, let’s fucking catch the tube while we can” etc. but when you dont make an announcement like that (that guy i mentioned at the beginning doesnt count, cause he muttered it to like 10 of us gathered in that one spot, while there were hundreds of people there and it came from a place of annoyance), you cant get annoyed when we stay. and it’s just bad form to be like “he’s not coming” RIGHT after the tube has closed for the night and these people have all more than likely committed to expensive ubers home. like, of course louis’ not entitled to meet us, but its just bad form to be annoyed with us for staying and then make it seem like he’s only coming out to meet us because we stayed when you couldve avoided that. but whatever. I MET LOUIS! AND IT WAS A GREAT FUCKING NIGHT!

[marshmallow-the-vampire-slayer]

MTVS Epic Rewatch #208

Don’t forget to vote on the season 7 polls!!

BTVS 7x21 End of Days

Stray thoughts

1) So this is how Faith is doing as the leader…

…and this is how Buffy is doing as the outcast Slayer…

Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm I wonder who’s the boss… (maybe we should ask Abed.)

2) I don’t like seeing Faith hurt, but I do get a very sick (I admit it) satisfaction at seeing all these girls hurt and scared because they kicked Buffy out and they screwed everything up in the worst possible fashion. I know that by having Faith lead them into yet another trap the writers were trying to prove the point that what happened at the vineyard could’ve happened to anyone and that it wasn’t Buffy’s fault (Buffy will make this same point herself later on the episode.) Both Buffy and Faith were trying to do what they thought was best, yet it backfired. Shit happens yada yada yada. Yet I just can’t help but feel personally vindicated when I see Faith and the potentials fuck everything up so spectacularly.

On the other hand, not only was Buffy able to pull herself together after the group (and her friends! Her family!) kicked her out and made her feel like the worst piece of shit in the whole world, but she also managed to A) get the scythe and B) make Caleb nervous, which was a first. So yeah. #teamBuffy

3) So why exactly were the Scoobies looking for Buffy? I mean, didn’t they kick her out literally the day before? And now they’re suddenly worried about her or something? The only person who followed Buffy after they all kicked her out was Faith. Faith! Do you see how wrong/ironic that this? Do you see how painful it must’ve been for Buffy not to have NONE OF HER FRIENDS – not Xander, not Willow, not Giles, not even her own sister! – go after her to see if she was okay? To ask her where she was going or what she was going to do? The only person who showed any concern whatsoever about her was probably the only person she would’ve labeled a potential enemy. 

Damn you all, I’m still pissed off. I hate this. I hate having to feel this way about the characters I’ve loved for seven seasons in the FINAL EPISODES OF THE SHOW. It just feels so wrong, but I can’t help but HATE THEM. What the hell was this fucking writing choice? I hate it. I hate everything about it.

4) If I have to say something in favor of Kennedy is this, when shit hit the fan, she was the only one who wasn’t screaming like a moron and who was actually trying to fight off the Turok-Han. So yeah. The girl got spunk.

5) But she’s nothing compared to our designated BAMF.

6) No one is kicking Buffy out now, HUH? HUH???????????????????

7)

Yes. Yes, you did.

8) And this is exactly why they shouldn’t have kicked her out or “rebelled” against her or whatever the fuck they thought they were doing.

BUFFY You guys, it was a trap. It's not her fault. That could've just as easily happened to me.

9) While I do appreciate the pun and the side glances between Buffy and Willow…

I still feel it’s very wrong they’re all just talking and Giles is playing around with the scythe as if the last time they’d been together they HADN’T HUMILIATED BUFFY AND KICKED HER OUT OF HER OWN FUCKING HOUSE???? LIKE SERIOUSLY??? In Willow’s own words, you're not gonna jokey-rhyme your way out of this one.

Like, I know the apocalypse takes precedence, but maybe say “sorry for kicking you out” and “thank you for saving us AGAIN”.

10)

11) Again, I get the same feeling with Xander. Like, did they all suddenly forget they had left Buffy alone and kicked her out of her own house? Xander is all like, “I don’t need you to protect me just because I lost an eye” but literally a day before he was telling her it was HER fault he’d lost it, and using that as a justification not only for removing her from her role as a leader but also TO KICK HER OUT OF HER OWN HOUSE. And now it’s just like nothing ever happened? How is that possible? How is literally no one apologizing to Buffy? And not only is he not apologizing, but Buffy is telling him that he’s her heart and the reason she’s still alive, which okay, it’s all kind of true, but he’s also the guy WHO BLAMED YOU FOR LOSING HIS EYE AND WHO KICKED YOU OUT OF YOUR OWN HOUSE THE DAY BEFORE?!

I didn’t know that End of Days could make me as angry as Empty Places but here I am.

We’re 14 minutes into the episode and still, no one has apologized to Buffy and they’re all pretending like they didn’t turn their backs on her and it’s pissing me off. I hate feeling this way in the episode prior to the series finale. This is not how a fan should be feeling right before the show ends!

12) Not only do I know what a glottal stop is but I’ve also learned how to pronounce it. Or at least I was able to pronounce it a few years ago. 

13) And hence the fate of Miss Kitty Fantastico was finally revealed…

DAWN Xander, my crossbow is not out here. I told you, I don't leave crossbows around all willy-nilly. Not since that time with Miss Kitty Fantastico.

If you must hate Dawn, it should only be for this.

14) Did anyone really believe Xander would hurt Dawn?

15) What was the point of this scene…?

…I mean, other than to give us Nathan Fillion’s orgasm face?

16) And this is the difference between Buffy and the rest… just remember how everyone reacted and treated Buffy after the vineyard, and see how she acts here after literally the same happened with Faith in charge…

FAITH What do you want me to say? I blew it.

BUFFY You didn't blow it.

FAITH Tell that to—

BUFFY People die. You lead them into battle, they're gonna die. It doesn't matter how ready you are or how smart you are. War is about death. Needless, stupid death.

She’s understanding and reassuring, she’s not pointing fingers or kicking people out. And that’s why she’s a hero and the rest are a fucking bunch of morons. I’m sorry, I’m still so angry about Empty Places and this episode is not making things any better.

17) But I do love when my two slayers see eye to eye…

FAITH So, here's the laugh riot. My whole life I've been a loner.(…) No ties, no buddies, no relationships that lasted longer than... (…) Me, by myself all the time. I'm looking at you, everything you have, and, I don't know, jealous. Then there I am. Everybody's looking to me, trusting me to lead them, and I've never felt so alone in my entire life.

BUFFY Yeah.

FAITH And that's you every day, isn't it?

BUFFY I love my friends. I'm very grateful for them. But that's the price. Being a slayer.

FAITH There's only supposed to be one. Maybe that's why you and I can never get along. We're not supposed to exist together.

BUFFY Also, you went evil and were killing people.

FAITH Good point. Also a factor.

BUFFY But you're right. I mean, I... I guess everyone's alone. But being a slayer? There's a burden we can't share.

FAITH And no one else can feel it. Thank God we're hot chicks with superpowers.

BUFFY Takes the edge off.

FAITH Comforting.

BUFFY Mm-hmm.

This is something that had been a long time coming. Since day one, Faith had envied Buffy. Just like Buffy saw in Faith her road not taken, Faith saw in Buffy the life she could’ve had but didn’t. She envied it and she wanted it for herself. She literally tried to steal it away several times. So if she couldn’t have it, if it wasn’t meant for her, then she could take Buffy away from it, drive her to the dark side, where she lived. Every attempt was futile, even stealing Buffy’s body and literally taking her life. It only made her feel more undeserving, more inadequate, more unworthy. But every time she’d taken a shot at being the leader, it was by playing tricks, by taking what it wasn’t rightfully hers. This time around, she had somehow earned it. There was no foul play on her part. Others made the decision for her and gave her the role she’d craved for so long. And she finally understood that it wasn’t all it was cracked up to be. Yes, Buffy did have friends and people who looked up to her and cared about her. But when push comes to shove, when tough calls must be made, the Slayer is always alone. The weight of the world is only on her shoulders, and she can’t share the burden. It took four seasons but Faith finally got it. And she could finally let go of all the envy and jealousy.

18) I just love the fact that for the first time Buffy is the one who opens up to Spike. She’s always been the one who pretends there’s nothing between them and who skirts around her feelings and dismisses his. But not this time. And for me, it was enough that she acknowledged that it meant something, even if they – and we – don’t know exactly what that was.

BUFFY You're a dope.

SPIKE I'm a what?

BUFFY You're a dope. And a bonehead. And you're shirty.

SPIKE Have you gone completely carrot-top?

BUFFY Do you see this? This may actually help me fight my war. This might be the key to everything. And the reason I'm holding it is because of you. Because of the strength that you gave me last night. Look, I am tired of defensiveness and weird, mixed signals. You know, I have Faith for that. Let's just get to the truth here, OK? I don't know how you felt about last night, but I will not—

SPIKE Terrified.

BUFFY Of what?

SPIKE Last night was... God, I'm such a jerk. I can't do this.

BUFFY Spike...

SPIKE It was the best night of my life. If you poke fun at me, you bloody well better use that, 'cause I couldn't bear it. It may not mean that much to you, but—

BUFFY I just told you it did.

SPIKE Yeah... I hear you say it, but... I've lived for soddin' ever, Buffy. I've done everything. Done things with you I can't spell, but... I've never... been close... to anyone. Least of all, you. 'Til last night. All I did was... hold you, watch you sleep. And it was the best night of my life. So, yeah... I'm... terrified.

BUFFY You don't have to be.

SPIKE Were you there with me?

BUFFY I was.

SPIKE What does that mean?

BUFFY I don't know. Does it have to mean something?

SPIKE No. Not right now.

19) Update: 29 minutes in and I’m still waiting for someone to apologize to Buffy.

20) Am I the only who thinks this speech is okay but like, the writers were trying too hard to give Anya her “Anya Speech Moment” of the season and it kind of feels a bit, I don’t know, forced?

ANYA Well...I guess I was...kinda new to bein' around humans before. But now I've... seen a lot more, gotten to know people... seen what they're capable of, and... I guess I just realized...how amazingly screwed-up they all are. I mean really, really screwed-up in a monumental fashion. And they have no purpose that unites them, so they just drift around, blundering through life until they die...which they...they know is coming, yet every single one of them is surprised when it happens to them. They're incapable of thinking about what they want beyond the moment. They kill each other, which is clearly insane. And yet, here's the thing. When it's something that really matters, they fight. I mean, they're lame morons for fighting, but they do. They never... never quit. So I guess I will keep fighting, too.

21) #priorities

22) And in another episode of Plots Totally Pulled Out of the Writer’s Ass… (a.k.a. Joss Whedon Tries to Rectify the Fact that He Wrote a Bunch of Men Violating the Original Slayer by Putting a Demon Inside of Her and Thus Utterly Destroyed the Whole Slayerness Equals Feminism Theme)

WOMAN We forged it in secrecy and kept it hidden from the Shadow Men, who...

BUFFY Yeah. Met those guys. Didn't really care too much for 'em.

WOMAN Ahh, yes. Then you know. And they became the watchers. And the watchers watched the slayers. But we were watching them.

BUFFY Oh! So you're like... what are you?

WOMAN Guardians. Women who want to help and protect you. We forged this centuries ago, halfway around the world.

Okay, I get it, I get what you were trying to do, but it was so fucking obvious, it was so transparent. Like, I know most of the so-called metaphors in this show were not so subtle (think the fucking monster-penis in Doublemeat Palace, for instance.) But the feminist struggle in the slayer vs the council struggle was always something that I personally enjoyed. And this is how Joss’s brand of “feminism” began to crumble down, in my opinion. This is what a white dude who is a self-proclaimed feminist believes to be a Good feminist storyline, but it’s so clichéd and self-evident it's almost cringe-worthy. Like, you get a bunch of Evil Men quite literally raping a Poor Woman, who is faked Empowered (her powers were lent to her by the Evil Men and the source of her powers is Evil, Demonic in nature because  duh! she is a Woman)  so that they can Manipulate her and Use her for the benefit of the Patriarchy. But oh wait! This is a Feminist Show! So in spite of what the Evil Men who were supposedly the Powerful ones did, there always were These Great and Powerful Women behind it all, the True Guardians of the Slayer, This has been a Matriarchy all along, you see?! PLOT TWIST!

Yawn.

The worst part? I can imagine all the writers patting themselves on the back for writing such a groundbreaking and Feminist storyline and for sticking it to the Men.

23) And btw, just to show you how big a Feminist Show this is, we get this…

I guess since this is a Feminist Show and Angel is the hero here and Buffy the damsel in distress, that makes Angel a woman, right?

But hey, at least he (or she?) literally let Buffy deliver the lethal blow…

24) And yes, this totally makes sense!

because Angel has not claimed to be in love with Cordelia and Buffy has not just had her more honest heart-toheart with Spike. Let’s just disregard whatever arcs have been developed in both shows in order to deliver a Ship Moment for the Bangel fans, right? Who cares about character development, right? Because I’m positive this is what former lovers do after not seeing each other in over a year, being currently emotionally unavailable, and facing the greatest evil of all. Suck face.

25) Update: minute 42 and I’m STILL waiting for someone to apologize to Buffy.

26) Sorry for the bitter rant! 

27)  If you’ve got this far, thank you for reading! If you enjoy my recaps and my blog, please consider supporting it on ko-fi. Thanks!

[curly-q-reviews]

ROAD TO THE OSCAR MAYER WIENER AWARDS 2K19

Black Panther, 2018 (dir. Ryan Coogler)

Nominated for: Best Original Score, Best Original Song, Best Motion Picture of the Year, Best Costume Design, Best Production Design, Best Sound Editing, Best Sound Mixing

ok y’all lets get this party started with a movie i didnt get to catch in theaters (i think i ended up renting it) but people were absolutely raving about it all of last year, and for good reason i gotta say!  it was one of the better marvel films that came out last year (though in my humble opinion Infinity War takes the gold)

speaking of marvel lets talk about it for a spell!  lets have a lil sit-down chit-chat shall we!!  cause its kind of insane how much of an american media phenomenon marvel has become, they are arguably single-handedly responsible for reviving the superhero movie subgenre and now these types of movies bring hollywood more dineros than they probably know what to do with (besides make more superhero movies).  what used to be a niche market where only your most hardcore of nerdy types dared to dwell has been embraced into the mainstream wholeheartedly, and now its hard to imagine the american film industry without them. 

from a film critique standpoint, marvel movies seem to be a hit-or-miss as far as quality, however i cant really think of a particular marvel movie that i thought was a total piece of hot garbage (the first two Thor movies come close but they were more boring than anything else).  however last year was a real success for the studio, they just kept pumping out quality movies left and right and once disney managed to get its grubby lil mouse paws on Spider-man it was a done deal baby.  DC and other companies have tried again and again to recreate the success that Marvel has managed and so far they’ve failed to various degrees.  Marvel’s just got that special something with their cinematic universe, some magical combo of great actors and creative directors and an ever-expanding budget that keeps them staying at the top every time.

so whats my stance on superhero movies???  well theyre not my usual cup of tea but i gotta say they’re real damn entertaining.  i kinda view them like a high-speed ride at an amusement park, super fun and thrilling and exhilarating and just a real good time!  but thats about as far as it goes for me, and im sure thats the same for a lot of people.  to be honest its kinda refreshing to have movies that quality-wise are up to my standards that i dont have to think too hard about.  so for me the movies i typically go for are like museums, whereas superhero movies (and action movies in general) are like a carnival.  both entertaining and fun, but the latter is just all about letting loose and not wondering about the why’s and how’s.  when i think about it, this kinda mindset is for sure a factor in how these movies got so popular, because with the shitshow that is our current government and the potential imminent death of our planet people are once again looking for movies as a form of escapism, rather than a way to get deep and philosophical and ask the tough questions and see something profound. 

with that being said, despite some exceptions that have proven me wrong to my utter joy and delight (im looking at u Logan), i expect movies that are nominated for wiener awards to be more like museums than like carnivals y’know what i mean?  u catchin my drift???  u takin what im dishin out????  the academy awards have a long history of prestige, of nominating the best of the best of any given year. quite a few movies that won oscars are now considered to be timeless classics.  which is why superhero movies, at least the typical marvel types that are chocked to the brim with CGI and epic massive fight scenes and explosions, dont really strike me as anything that could eventually become a timeless classic.  the amount of computer-generated effects alone will make these movies feel really dated as soon as like five years from now with how fast technology is progressing.  i just dont see it happening.

and that brings us to the first wiener award nominee ill be talking about, Black Panther.  this isnt director Ryan Coogler’s first time at the rodeo; his first feature film Fruitvale Station received critical acclaim in 2013, and the spiritual Rocky sequel Creed actually got nominated for some oscars a few years ago.  so we’ve got a promising and talented director at the helm which is a great start!  we’ve also got a stellar cast with the likes of michael b. jordan (who has been in all of Coogler’s films so far), lupita nyong’o, angela bassett, and forest whitaker in the bunch.  it also has the astronomical financial backing of Supreme Overlord Disney so u know this is gonna be some high-quality shit.

so i’m gonna tell y’all why i think this movie got nominated for so many oscars, because in a way i do think this movie is deserving of noms from the academy.  theres no denying that it is very groundbreaking for a movie of this scale and magnitude to have a black director and a nearly all-black cast.  in fact, i think a lot of the crew members (including set and costume design) were black as well.  thats fuckin huge my guy.  and this movie was by no means a flop either; it ended up being one of the highest-grossing films of 2018 and stayed in theaters for a loooong-ass time.  and not only were the people on this project mostly black, the movie itself is a story praising and showing off the beauty of african culture without exotifying or demeaning it in any way.  like i can say 100% without a doubt that this movie deserves its best costume design nom cause holy shit the outfits in this movie are stunning, just the perfect blend of ancient/current tribal african aesthetics and a more futuristic sleek style that any fashion enthusiast can drool over.

i cant say much about best musical score or best sound mixing or anything like that cause it all seemed like typical marvel stuff to me and wasnt all that memorable.  however i can say that the production design on this movie, while it didnt impress me as much as costuming, did still impress me.  the one thing i gotta knock it on is all the fucken CGI, like whole entire towns and landscapes were digitally rendered.  i wouldve been a lot more impressed and would agree more to the production design nom if they used more practical effects and real sets/locations. 

so.  best picture.  this is where i feel the most conflicted.  cause this is where i now have to look past all the pretty fancy visuals and music and look at the actual meat of this movie, its story and characters.  usually best picture noms also get noms for things like best actress, best script, and best director, cause those are all really important elements of a good film.  ur movie can look and sound as pretty as it wants but if the storys shit and the characters are shit and the actings shit then u dont have much going for u.

and by no means am i saying that Black Panther was shitty in these aspects, it was just well.  passable.  it was ok.  but nothing to write home about

we got some good performances from newcomers letitia wright and chadwick boseman, lupita kills it as always, but then everyone else was like.  okay.  michael b. jordan didnt really do his best in this and idk if its the script’s fault or something but it was weird.  and speaking of the script it was uuuuhhhhh well.  not great.  every time i think about that “what are those” reference i die a little inside.  and the story overall wasnt really anything new when u break it down, just another “son of king struggles to take his place” narrative.  and that aspect of the story couldve actually been more developed into something interesting, i found myself really intrigued with the political scenes.  but there just wasnt enough of that cause they needed to make more room for the PEW PEW POW EXPLOSIONS

granted, movies with lots of shimmer but little substance have been nominated for best picture before (just look at James Cameron’s Avatar which is apparently getting a sequel now????????).  and its not even that this movie is completely devoid of substance cause theres some interesting things going on plot-wise, and some stand-out characters too (shuri is the boss and no one can tell me otherwise).  its just, u know, a good superhero movie.  nothing really profound about the story itself except for the cultural, historical, and social context behind it.

so lemme get back to why i think this movie got a best picture nom.  i think the academy wants to keep up their appearance of being #woke now by continuing to nominate more than one poc-heavy project each year, but they seem to be caring less and less about the actual overall quality of these movies.  and theres even some movies on the noms list that i think actually have what it takes to be a strong oscars contender, like If Beale Street Could Talk and BlacKkKlansmen.  but i think in Black Panther’s case, they were under a lot of pressure to give it top noms (or any noms at all) because of the intensely positive response this movie got, as well as the accusations of racism to people who didnt think it was as great as fans were saying. 

also i have no doubt that Supreme Overlord Disney like threw piles and piles of money at the academy like they tend to do (cause i’d bet good money thats the only fucken way Incredibles 2 got nominated for anything)

well anyway ive gone on long enough about this, lemme know what y’all think.  really the only nom im iffy about when it comes to this movie is Best Picture, but the others i think are well enough deserved, especially costume design.  so i guess the one thing i struggle with is this: does a movie becoming a pop culture phenomenon and being groundbreaking in its cast and crew count as enough for it to be nominated for the top prize of the wiener awards, despite any fallbacks in script, direction, and acting?  idk man im just hoping it doesnt get the award by default or something but then again maybe after watching all the other nominees it may turn out that the rest of them were worse than Black Panther i guess i’ll have to find out

stay tuned for my A Star Is Born review y’all stay fresh and funky eat ur vegetables stay in school u dont need drugs when ur high on life

[eagleslouis]

No it's not an asshole move because their contracts were coming to an end. Why would Harry continue doing something because other people want it? What kind of idiot do you think he is? The only thing Louis carried were water and twitter fights. Legend! Harry is a better singer than Louis, he's better looking and he's classier. That is why he has a solo career and Louis is a judge on X factor. Get it? There's zero debate regarding Freddie's paternity. Babygate can't end because it doesn't exist.

this ask singlehandedly made me want to choke myself but uhh okay lets go piece by pieceIT STILL IS AN ASSHOLE MOVE. its fucking selfish. if he was suffering so fucking bad he literally couldve pulled a zayn before zayn did and left, especially since hes had the azoffs literally in his back pocket since 2013 (irving was literally named the most powerful person in the music industry in 2012, remember?). HE WOULDVE BEEN FINE. and 'doing what he wanted'!!! we know why though, right? he needed to keep his image squeaky fucking clean. even though it is all coming out now, probably didnt expect that one, harold. none of them planned a solo career and louis literally said he expected to be back in 18 months and once that hit and there was no contact, it was like, wow.. its really official. FUCK HARRY. and honestly? i think hes a huge idiot, we know this. he doesnt know who the fuck he is, the 1975? prince? david bowie? idk! is he a singer? an actor? whatever gives the most money i guess! and he doesnt know what the fuck hes talking about it, 'umm yeah i mean umm sott is kinda like about my response to blm and all that, you know? umm yeah just like.. shut up stop crying.' the kid was NOT meant for fame. he couldnt even answer a question without hesitating or having bad word choice, the boys literally teased him. damn, god forbid louis to interact with his band members in a fun way that engages his fans (during times that he didnt have to sing). hes such a dick. hes had fucking dumb scraps on twitter, who hasnt? afawk he did talk to zayn after jay said he should and i highly doubt either of them hold such a grudge for something said over social media. better for louis to actually use social media and admit it than to say he doesnt use it because he doesnt see the point (completely ignoring that when not on tour thats the only way to interact with fans) but then proceed to be liking posts on instagram nearly 24/7... like someone we know. now.. everyones entitled to their own smelly onions so i wont go too deep into this but uhhhh harry can stop straining his voice by fucking yelling in all his songs if he doesnt wanna lose it by 30. he can maybe pick like one fucking genre to stick with??? hes very gio from x factor, who louis coincidentally hated lol. i GUESS beauty is in the eye of beholder, even though harry is fucking ugly. they were right when they said his hair was always greasy, i dont know why everyone was pressed! also i think its pretty damn clear harrys cupcake image is all fucking fake now, hes not fucking classy at all lmao what are you on? real fucking classy move to write a song about an underage girl he met and probably fucked for one night without telling her but including her name so her dad could call her and say that he wrote a song about her :) real fucking classy to slut shame girls for how they dress in his songs but then again play it off that he has the utmost respect for women. too many more to say. his solo career is going well yeah i guess right? honestly a good move to pick tiny tiny venues so they would sell out quickly and people would pay attention to the time sold out versus the size. even though he did fuck over the fans with that whole ticket fiasco beforehand. i suppose!!!! my only criticism is i hope this next album is more cohesive :). dont exactly see whats so horrible about louis as a person regarding him doing x factor? he again went back to his roots and is helping people achieve their dreams which is something he said he would like to do anyway!!! i want his music so fucking bad (and we're getting it in like a month anyway hopefully) but i mean... ill be... patient. i dont think his solo career is normal so far at all lmao and its due to syco because other artists came out and said the same!!!! that they wouldnt let them release music or would give them NO promo. not the same situation at all for multiple reasons. harrys been planning a career w his best friend whose under guidance of his dad, one of the most powerful men in the industry whereas louis wasnt planning a career and is with a well known awful company. also i mean theres ton of debate about freddies paternity lol and if its real anyway, then there HAD TO BE A LOT MORE with the situation he wouldve been in. if 'babygate' will never end, the conspiracy will never end either so get used to it i guess.

[unproduciblesmackdown]

How do u feel about Eno from MonsterKind?

closes book & spins around in chair—oh! didnt see you there. well i’m glad you asked. sets down cup i was drinking from.

tldr i quietly cherish him. i figure it is not exactly his best look right now but i would be surprised if it was to turn out he is/was secretly evil & trying to work against everybody the whole time lmao…..honestly i figured that things were doomed in this way when kip said he trusts eno the most…….that can’t go unpunished. rip

but it is also an endorsement that he must’ve been top quality all this time if kip trusts him that much. i doubt its as Misguided as just being taken advantage of. no idea what the broader con here needs to further take advantage of re: kip….the fact that ppl listen to him whether he likes it or not? or that he can probably survive mad low temps? if he was assumed to die back in the day then the latter seems somewhat relevant one way or another. but i am too dumbassed to make good guesses w/little info

anyways i’m kind of assuming…that eno does sort of have suspicions or straightforward knowledge abt what happened behind the scenes, & its being confirmed just by kip saying there’s some link b/w wallace & the investigation of yore…like, i know i just said im dumb as hell & my guesses are bad, but i’d guess eno thinks that their inside info getting out elsewhere was via himself, not yumi, despite what he said. or even technically if it couldve been yumi i think he thinks it was his own fault. and its not surprising he wouldnt bring up his own suspicious abt his self involvement because like after everything went to shit & the entire project seemingly destroyed, there’s not much relevance to investigating how it happened if nobody plans to be involved. and it would be a little awkward then & now for him to tell kip he thinks he may have been involved in the downfall, even if inadvertently…hm

like……it would be nice if he had secretly developed some kind of assassin level knife throwing skills in the past years. wouldnt it always be. but honestly kip was fuckt the whole time…….nobody seems to be threatening anyone else with knives but i guess if some shadow organization that murders at whim & unhindered shows up & makes threatening demands, the implication is that anyone could be killed, even if some people get to stay alive for the moment just for the sake of pushing them to do something or other thats convenient for whatever latest death plot is underway

e.g. i’m not sure what the point is of purposefully trying to put kip on alert besides having him fall back on eno even more than he would without bringing up that specific threat

but really besides the “well i’m already resigned to someone stabbing kip in the gut while killing everyone he knows in front of him w/promises to kill everybody else too” factor of it all (im not really but—) another reason i cant be that mad is b/c i am also resigned to the fact that wallace is basically in the same kind of position eno was, of an accidental accessory to secret murder

b/c it would truly be a twist if wallace WAS actually in on it the whole time lol….but i doubt it. but the fact remains that he is definitely unwittingly a pawn of the devil!! this wouldnt be a problem if, marxism. anyways the thing is that i really, really doubt that wallace will smoothly learn of whats actually going on before anyone else knows or anyone gets fucked over and be able to gently reveal this to everyone in ways that nobody feels betrayed or breaks their trust with him. i am not even sure how that would be possible…..it is basically inevitable that wallace will have to be exposed as connected to this whole secret society of nightmares, and nobody really knows wallace well enough to be certain that he actually didnt know. and really, the fact that he Doesn’t know doesnt change the fact that he is in fact a part of it and facilitating it, even tho arguably it isnt quite his fault

tbh im assuming that the reason he’s having to do all of this is that he was willing to be transplanted from a to c, and because of that he is like totally clueless about like….everything. he presumably has no idea the kinda shit everyone around him is worrying about like all the time lol & wouldnt know not to try to push past those boundaries. but he can’t exactly be asked to do anything that much different from what he’s doing now / anything too clearly Heinous…besides maybe getting Extra Info or simply making ppl nervous, like making kip think he’s endangered.

coz t.b.h……………i’m not sure that, between kip seeing wallace as harmless and well-intended vs dangerous & ill-intended, the latter is worse? because he is a mix of the two….he doesnt mean any harm but he IS dangerous, technically. not directly thru his own actions quite as much, but still, obviously……kips first impression was basically correct lol rip. i dont think there WAS a way for kip to ever not suspect wallace as being less than purehearted, and of course i also dont think he won’t have to find out that wallace doesn’t want to hurt everybody, but at least he’s a bit on guard about all this fuckery…..even if putting him more on guard is part of some evil plot, which also means its bad…….obviously ideally everyone gets to only ever be best friends and also all be kip’s boyfriends, but i don’t think i my wishes have a tendency to come true, so maybe wait on anticipating that one. in the meantime maybe the inevitable revelation that wallace may have been a double agent will be lessened if kip was holding out for it all along lol. i guess it depends on how much more inadvertent damages wallace’s role is intended to invoke. weird sentence there but i stand by it

basically like dude!! try Knowing Shit instead of not knowing shit!! he may only be an accidental hand of the devil but that doesnt mean he’s totally not working for satan here, so hopefully when he finally realizes the extent of it, he gets to help to right the situation. presumably. idk. but how would anyone know for sure that he never knew what was going on besides trusting that he is not just an excellent actor? i suppose we are in the same situation with eno, huh. despite being given kip’s endorsement, there is only a limited picture of him & then the knowledge that he probably played a part in all the bs w/all these ppl dying. i suppose you can guess that he knew all of what was going on or he didnt or somewhere in between….

basically w/wallace and eno i am assuming that with both itmd a case of well-meaning humans being taken advantage of and accidentally infiltrating these vulnerable circles and sending back information and oh oops, atrocities, and everyone’s dead. i cant imagine that at least kip is meant to survive, and not sure why eno would feel particularly safe on that front either, and clearly any casualties that seem even vaguely necessary can just be carried out at random so you know. bless wallace’s well meaning heart that doesnt know shit but like still, if ppl get fucked over they still have the right to be mad, and if theyre dead theyre still dead, and etc, and also try to learn shit even if it was just a regular, non Agent Of Evil job.

basically what i am trying to say is that im pulling up on my motorbike and telling people that if they’re going to be mad at eno, they ought to be equally condemning of wallace, or that is just inconsistent. like, feel free to either way surely…….i can’t guess that it’d be smooth sailing for eno either if he has to awkwardly divulge that maybe he knows stuff about the whole assassination backstory.

i do wish he had those knife throwing skills for sure…..wish he wasnt being gunpointed into pressuring kip into something or other that surely will endanger him & surely others….but i get why he doesnt exactly seem to have other options at the moment lol. this guy could have assassins all over the block if whatever godforsaken conspiracy is already underway and waistdeep. smh. as i have to assume that he would only endanger kip if he was basically being given a catch 22 of Endanger Kip or Endanger Kip. i suppose he could be doing it solely so he himself won’t be assassinated, but i am personally piecing together that he and kip Are Really in fact That Close & he hasn’t like, faked caring about him this whole time or something

uhhhh tldr i think of him as basically in the same position as wallace, tho to be fair i dont think of wallace as blameless part for not knowing whats going on (like im guessing eno didnt understand until it was too late) and in part because even without the devil he IS just barging in from a in the middle of c & also pursuing audiences w extra vulnerable ppl w/o knowing fuckall (unlike eno who i am also guessing is not from a…)

and perhaps the sole answer to your question as really i was only inferring the part abt asking if eno is suspicious and dubious or not: I Am Fond Of Him Like I Said

what an essay! as all my asks turn out to be!! but i can’t help but theorize. even though i am a dumbass. this is in part because i watched mh for years, and in part because i never assume i’ll still be alive to see any particular plot point in any ongoing media i consume, so i furiously speculate and create au’s in my head and all. for example if i die before its definitely revealed kip doesnt get twenty husbands—which, good luck proving that to me anyways—can anyone tell me he doesnt? no, because i died. so he definitely does. and thats all i have to say on the matter, thank you for tuning in to Milo’s Hour Of Speculation, And Knowing Everyone Is Kip’s Boyfriend

[whosays420]

The Facts & The Most Important Regimens You Need To Conquer PCOS

Yeeeeeesss Queeens. follow my facebook group for more womens health and upliftment @ Pretty Nail N Yoga Lifestyle

https://www.facebook.com/groups/594058141070850/

 I finished my PCOS Info Packet...More to add when it comes.. 5 to 10 minutes of reading up on how your reproductive system and PCOS plants seeds for a better tomorrow.

The Facts & The Most Important Regimens You Need To Conquer PCOS

Mini Menstrual Lesson

Your reproductive system is made up of the ovaries, fallopian tubes, vagina, and uterus. Ur ovaries have a lifetime supply of eggs. These eggs r immature and are stored inside tiny fluid filled structures called follicles. Ur pituitary gland (aka ur third eye) produces hormones that direct the function of ur ovaries. Each month, ur pituitary gland (third eye) stows away & then releases FSH (follicle stimulating hormone) and LH (lutenizing hormone) into the bloodstream. After the LH & FSH hormones reach the ovaries, several hundred eggs began to mature expanding the size of the follicles. As the eggs mature, the follicles stow away & then release estrogen (the main female sex hormone). once the estrogen in the blood reaches a certain level, the third eye (pituitary gland) sends a surge of LH to the ovaries causing the most mature follicle to open up and release its egg in a process called ovulation. The free egg then travels through the fallopian tube where it awaits fertilization. The remaining immature follicles and eggs dissolve away. If the egg is not fertilized, the egg and the lining of the uterus are shed during the next menstrual cycle.

For 3d video of your reproductive system, please visit https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FsNKyKS7M_s&t=158s

What is PCOS?

In-Depth Understanding

PCOS is determined by two main factors: an imbalance of the sex hormones and high insulin levels . The pituitary gland releases abnormally high amounts of LH into your bloodstream, disrupting your normal period. As a result, ur follicles do not mature and ovulation does not occur. Some follicles do not dissolve and remain as fluid filled sacs called cysts. In addition, having high levels of insulin, a hormone produced by the pancreas, combined with high levels of LH can lead to excess production of a male hormone called testosterone in your ovaries. Abnormally high levels of testosterone prevent ovulation which can lead to infertility. And there you have it, The scientific facts about PCOS in a nutshell!

General Understanding

Polycystic ovary syndrome (PCOS) is a hormonal disorder common among women of reproductive age.

Was there something I could have done to prevent my PCOS?

Sure! There's plenty of thing we could've done to prevent our PCOS. However, the key to prevention is knowledge + action. So if u didn’t have the knowledge in the past to actively prevent a dis ease of the body, how could you have stopped it in the 1st place, right? So, to those that say we 'could have done this" A 'pretty nails N Yoga' type lifestyle recommends you respond with a simple, "ehh… couldve, should've!" and move on!

So What Can I do to Start Actively Treating Myself?

Inform yourself

there's no way to win a battle if you don't know what you're up against. Hashtags # are a part of our world now, so use them wisely in your new found search for healing.

#pcos

#naturalhealing

@womenshealth @prettynailsNyogaLifestyle ;). Get creative in your search. Don't be ashamed of any questions you may have. We are all out here looking for what customs fits our healing process.

Conscious eating

when u become aware of the foods you are intaking, it heeds the question, "is this alkaline to my body or is this acidic to my body?" Remember, bacteria, virus' and fungus thrive in an acidic body. An alkaline body forces all this nasty shit to commit suicide

○ Goddess, You Need Sum Whole Foods!

§ Whole foods are foods sourced straight from the earth that have not been altered or compromised in any way. That does not necessarily mean that your diet needs to be fully plant-based or vegan. However you are an adult now so think back to when you were a child… and the same way you were supplied with a proper amount of meats and veggies/fruits before dessert, is minimum the same way you want to take action if you're serious about taking control of your PCOS. And remember, most likely, the foods we were eating earlier in life is what contributes to minimum 50% of the problem

○ Start Actively Getting rid of the pre-packaged processed foods ) over the next 30-90 days.

§ Our bodies thrive on foods rich in nutrients, especially when managing disorders like PCOS. That means avoiding processed foods like white flour, corn syrup, processed meats, pasta, and other foods that may contain medium to high levels of sugar. At first, this change was hard when I realized some of my go-to snacks were highly processed. It took some time, but once my body adjusted to this new way of eating, I no longer craved the same foods. Go for the stuff that doesn't really bother you to remove out of your life 1st then move to the big dawgs. Remember it took some time to create this condition in our bodies; so we must give our beautiful hard working bodies time to heal.

○ Focus on Iron Rich Alkaline Foods.

§ We tend to associate iron with red meat, but there are also high levels of iron in many vegetables and plant-based foods, including spinach, kale, goji berries, lentils, chickpeas, and more. Start with eating at least one vegetable a day that contains high levels of iron

○ Dump the dairy and get free of gluten.

§ Women with PCOS have specific dietary needs. In order to get your hormones and insulin levels back on track, you must eat mindfully. Work to eliminate inflammatory foods such as dairy and gluten. For women with PCOS, these two categories of foods cause inflammation that triggers many of your symptoms from acne to insulin imbalance. Need help with your meals? Check out our dairy-free and gluten-free recipes.

Add in supplements, now!

Ensuring your body has the proper vitamins is vital to healing. Supplements can help your body build its immune system, restore energy levels, balance hormones, and promote healthy blood flow.

Time for a low-impact Exercise Routine

Working out does not to be hard and complex. Start incorporating 15 to 45 minutes of

#watevergetsyoumovin

#dancin

#

#yoga

#twerkin

#walkinthedog

#differentsexpositions

#pilates

(u get the point) 3 days per week and the universe will meet you and take you to the winning circle from there. Seriously though, Years later living with PCOS, I started coming into my womanhood (this was no easy task.) I was more renewed and had a better sense and understanding of who i was as a wise spiritual woman through many teachings, obstacles & encounters. I stopped doing the high-intensity, stress-inducing workouts I was so used to (and hated btw) and chose more low-impact but, joyful and passion-driven workouts instead. The best advice I can give a woman in any lifetime is to Do! Only! The! Things! You! Enjoy! That includes the activities that makes you sweat & detox.

Make a plan.

This is one of my most important tips. Plan your meals, exercise and self-care ahead of time. You are bound to make destructive food choices when your hunger drives your food choices as you rush home from work and eat anything you can find. Exercise and self-care will be pushed aside if you don’t assign time for this. Plan and thrive!

De-stress.

We all lead busy and stressful lives. The way we approach the stress can make all the difference. Healthy women have learned coping mechanisms (like meditation, yoga or deep breathing) to take on less stress, as well as to effectively manage and have a positive perspective on the stress they do have. Stress triggers the production of cortisol in our bodies, which wreaks havoc on our hormonal system and PCOS symptoms and gives you belly fat! Who needs that?!

Seek a support Group.

Studies show that you are more likely to stick with a lifestyle change if you have a supportive community. First, educate your loved ones so that they can offer support as you make important changes. Next, find a community of like-minded women that will help cheer you on now and in the future, whether they’re online or in person (or both!). You may even want to buddy up with a walking or grocery shopping partner with whom you can share your journey.

Make time for self-care.

The need for self-care is the fine line between your sanity insanity. Taking care of your mind, body and spirit is not selfish. You are more able to give your friends, family and co-workers your whole self when you have taken the time to refresh. Self-care means eating well and exercising, but just as importantly, it means taking a few minutes to yourself every day to recenter and relax. You may choose to meditate, take an Epsom salt bath or write in a journal. Whatever you choose, give yourself over to the experience wholly and see the difference it makes in your life.

Be kind to yourself.

Rome wasn’t built in a day. The diet and lifestyle changes will improve your quality of life more than you could have imagined, but you have to be kind to yourself while you do it. Take baby steps and eliminate/change one thing at a time. If you make a mistake, remember that you are only one choice away from being back on track. Try to spend a little time each day doing something just for you. You must be your own top priority.

Distract The Mind

Sometimes doing all of the above, threw me so much deeper into my own mind, it was simply too much. I was overanalysing and self-diagnosising every statement, action and step I took. In these moments, I just had to do things that normalised my nervous system again and distracted my mind from over thinking! Whether that was reading a book, getting to a class, going to the movies, enjoying a walk, listening to podcasts or cooking...once I focused my mind on something other than myself, I was able to regulate my nervous system and bring back down the levels of anxiety or emotional overwhelm I was experiencing.