#whether it’s you or someone else

[noknowshame]

why is religious Christmas imagery all so joyful and pleasant? where is the inherent horror of the birth of Christ? A mother is handed her newborn child, wailing and innocent. Her hands come away sticky. Red. Simply by giving her son life she has already killed him. He is doomed from the beginning. Her love will not save him from suffering. Because the thing cradled in her arms is not a baby, it is a sacrifice: born amongst the other bleating animals whose blood will one day be spilled in the name of what demands it. the night is silent with anticipation. Mary, did you know? That your womb was also a grave?

[imthebird]

I’ve decided I NEED a ref sheet for fursonas I barely have.

[bigothteddies]

wanting to fuck your tumblr mutuals is not inherently bad and not wanting to fuck your tumblr mutuals is not inherently bad either. These are neutral actions and behaviors. There is no morality involved in whether or not you want to have sex with someone.

[forzathunder]

"I have many fears, most of them about Lucrezia." — Cesare Borgia (The Borgias, 2011-2013) + hints of insecurity

that she adores someone that much / if she will reject his dark nature and act of love and violence as Ursula did / if he truly is not part of her desires / that she easily forgets him

[s0fter-sin]

ghost stares at the ceiling, chest heaving in a harsh pant; sweat ice on his clammy flesh and soaked into the sheet he restlessly kicks away.

ears still ringing, his fingertips blindly drift down to trail along his vivisection scar. he half-expects blood to smear in their wake. his own line of solomon, who ordered him split in twain; half of him given to a grieving mother and half left with the grieving to be.

just for both his broken halves to be rejected.

what did it make him that his mother grieved him more than she loved him? that she begged to be relieved of him more adamantly than she begged to receive him? why did his worth spill out with his drawn blood? why was his pain lesser than hers?

his hand flexes, digging into the raised scar like it’ll part beneath his fingertips to plunge into his mangled insides. no one knows the cruelty of reforming the halved; his name, his being, not nearly as important as his body when he was stripped from himself. no one knows the pain of healing and understanding losing pieces of yourself means losing your value along with them.

how many more pieces did he have to lose before he was halved once more? before his very presence incurred grief so strong it was better to be rid of him than cradle his bloodied remains?

did the infant fight himself? did he age always at odds with himself; his halves never truly whole? he hopes he wasn’t, that he was spared the loss of self; the fear that one may be welcomed over the other.

who will he lose when the inevitable comes? when he’s ripped apart again? simon? or ghost? is it better to be cursed with choice just like his mother or live with an aftermath chosen for him? does it matter if in the end, he convinces himself there was nothing of him left to lose?

his head lolls to the side and the wild buck of his chest slows. he watches johnny beside him, his face lax with the rare peace of sleep; his cheek squished against the pillow, his lips pursed as long breaths escape him.

johnny. soap. never torn asunder but two all the same.

he carefully reaches out and ghosts his fingers along the jagged scar on his chin. even in sleep, he presses into his bloodied touch. he’s never fled his half-flesh, never shies away from his gore as it spills unbidden from his cleaved torso. he holds on where his mother let him go; cups his stomach to hold his insides in place and never minds the blood that drips through his fingers.

simon will never let him become his own solomon and cannibalise himself. he will never let him question which half of him has more value; which pieces he can afford to lose before he’s cast aside.

ghost’s soap. simon’s johnny. his.

whole, in any incarnation.

[flowertab]

I was pondering Luke’s letters at the beginning of the OG games again, and I think I’ve come to a realization about them—or at least, it might be my personal headcanon now! Now these letters are addressed to the player of course, and it’s totally fun to imagine yourself into the PL world as Luke’s pen pal. But at the same time I always felt like there must be only one real in-universe recipient to these letters—he’s not mass-producing these things to thousands of pen pals, right?

The more I thought about who that might be, the more I became convinced that “dear friend” is Emmy. Consider:

—The recipient is someone Luke considers a dear friend. If we only go by what we see in the games, at least, there are only a few people he’s formed really tight bonds with. Reaffirming friendship with Emmy after her departure would be important to him.

—The letters only appear in the OG trilogy—where Emmy is absent. There are none to be found in the prequels, where she was present and already saw what happened for herself. Luke is giving her detailed narrations of the adventures that she didn’t get to be a part of, because in his eyes, she’s still part of the team. (If I’m not mistaken, Luke gives some narration in the crossover as well? That would continue the pattern, even if the canon is questionable there.)

—On that same note, Luke could hardly send such sensitive case information to just anyone in the first place. He even referenced that himself in the first letter (CV), where he outright says that the things they saw had to be kept secret for the rest of their lives—and then goes on to discuss said events anyway. True, we don’t see the rest of the letter to know how much detail he went into, but it certainly sounds like he’s going to lay it all out. Emmy is one of the few people I could see the professor allowing Luke to send such details to, which would also be a heartwarming exhibit of the fact that he still trusts her.

[bumblingbabooshka]

My name is [BRUTUS] and my name means [HEAVY] so with a [HEAVY] heart I'll guide this dagger Into the heart of my enemy

Something about having absolutely no choice in who you marry. About being literally forced by the law to spill blood - to accept this stranger as your husband over a man you truly care for or accept the fact that the man you love might die because you put him in danger. Something about risking becoming the wife of a man you've never even seen before a few minutes prior because you know anything would be better than putting your beloved in harm's way. Something about the trust inherent in that decision and in the way she speaks of it after. Truthfully, T'Pring doesn't know the captain and she doesn't know Spock. Either one of them could have taken her as their wife but she does know Stonn. She knows that Stonn will remain by her side no matter what. They made a plan together. They have an agreement which T'Pring believes will be upheld even though the plan changed with the arrival of Kirk. Stonn will always be there, always, and Stonn will be hers. Something about the language used around T'Pring: Ownership, subservience, non-personhood. T'Pring is an object that Spock can win. She cannot reject him, she has no say in the matter other than having Stonn 'claim' her instead. Even when Spock leaves after being very clearly rejected by T'Pring he says "Stonn, she is yours." as if despite her clear rejection he still owns her and is must formally 'give' her to Stonn. But the language T'Pring uses around Stonn is a break from that: "There was Stonn who wanted very much to be my consort, and I wanted him." Stonn who wanted very much to be HER consort and she WANTED him. The language here is very particular - It's not, for example: "Stonn wanted me to be his wife" - he is HERS. And she WANTS him. There's a mutual affection there and a strong trust - a trust which seems to be well founded since Stonn (though silent) stands by her side at the end of the episode. <- That might seem small but if Spock would reject her for 'daring to challenge' (again, the language is not 'because I don't want you' but more of an implied disgust at her having the AUDACITY to reject him) then it's not a stretch to assume that it'd be considered an insult in the TOS Vulcan society to NOT choose Stonn as her champion after a prior agreement. Anyway T'Pring was a woman in an impossible situation within a society which saw her as more of an object than a person and she wanted Stonn and Stonn wanted to be hers and she trusted that he would understand if she had to publicly pick someone else to ensure his life would be spared and he did understand.

[sableeira]

okay what is everyone’s bsd light novel scene/line that they didn’t believe was an actual canon part of bsd even though they read that with their own eyes

[watcherscrown]

a real conversation i had at work this week

me: Library reference desk, how can I help you? man: HOW DO I IDENTIFY AN ARTIFACT me: um. what kind of artifact? man: I FOUND IT ON THE SIDEWALK me: have you tried uploading it to any websites, to see if any experts recognize it? man: I DON'T USE THE INTERNET. I ONLY HAVE THIS PHONE THAT I'M TALKING ON RIGHT NOW me: okay! so- man, interuppting: I FOUND THIS ON THE GROUND AND I THINK I KNOW WHAT IT IS, BUT I DON'T KNOW WHAT IT *IS*, YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN? me: I think so. So, we don't really have anyone here with that kind of expertise, but have you tried calling the main library? Someone in archives or special collections might- man: THEY'RE ALWAYS CLOSED me: I assure you they are not man:... man: WHEN I WAS A KID AND I WENT TO THE LIBRARY, THE LIBRARIANS WERE VERY KNOWLEDGABLE AND EDUCATED me: I'm- man: WHAT HAPPENED me: excuse me? man: ARE YOU EDUCATED. I MEAN, DO YOU HAVE A COLLEGE DEGREE me: I do :) man: DO YOU KNOW WHAT THE GALAPAGOS ISLANDS ARE? me: Yes, I do. man: DO YOU KNOW WHAT A "KIMONO DRAGON" IS me: Yes, I know what a Komodo dragon is. man: DO YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENED WITH THE GALAPAGOS IN WORLD WAR TWO me: sir, I have to assist another patron, do you mind if I put you on hold? *line goes dead*

[aphel1on]

not sure how to phrase this but something i have been ruminating on recently is that xue yang is strangely fragile. obviously he is also incredibly resilient. he survived, and continues to survive, impossible things. he has a million barriers between himself and the world, but none of this actually matters when it comes to what he feels. everything is personal to him. everything pierces straight through all that armor and goes right to his battered heart, the heart that no one else believes he has. that even he is not fully cognizant of. the world strikes and strikes and strikes and so he strikes and strikes and strikes back, even (especially) when the wound is something other people would not think worthy of retribution.

xue yang would never realize this- would be outraged at the concept of it- but the way everything, everything is something to rally a defense against is in itself a form of fragility. he does not know how to let go of things, or let them pass him by. passivity is death. so he is ruthlessly cruel and violent. he projects himself as a lunatic untouchable by anything you might possibly do to him, and on some level he even believes this. but in actuality he is one raw emotional wound. he never learned to separate himself from his emotions, much less process them. the volatility is not so much insanity as it is the constant lashing out of an animal in a trap, and the trap is the world, and the trap is himself, and he is never going to get out. and like so much else, this pain is just part of the background radiation of his life. it hardly registers. to be able to register the hurt, you would have to be able to register a time in which you were not hurt.

i feel like it is a fragility that could blossom into such tenderness, given exactly the right set of circumstances. how at the very first touch of softness in his life he fell into a domesticity from which he never recovered. how much was there, still, to be salvaged from the cruelty. on some level i am always thinking about the little apple bunnies. about the meal for daozhang and the straw in a-qing's bed.

it was too little, too late. it shattered like glass when the world intruded back in. but the tenderness was there. no one, least of all xue yang, knows what might have happened had it been unearthed in him any sooner.

[pyrosomatic-metamorphosis]

(end of bad’s Acceptance vod, about 1:48:30)

no but im never going to be normal again. LOOK at this. look. IMMEDIATELY before this he gave a whole miserable speech at the graveyard about how much he misses the kids and how he wants them to come home. He was grieving so hard it started to rain. He cried while he sang to them. It was the perfect end to 5 days of grieving- and then he does this.

and the rain isnt about grief anymore- the thunder isnt a peaceful background to a heartbreaking scene. It is rage. the whole context changes. The storm raged on while he grieved like he raged during the Everything Else that happened (“there are a lot of federation workers on today. I need to interrogate them about some things” he said while he was following forever ALONE to distract him. he knew forever was fucked up and about to put more marriage pressure on him and for anyone else that would have been Terrifying. how could you focus on anything but that? but. bad was thinking about tormenting more federation workers)

i just!!!! its so good. its SO good its so scary its so good. bad hasnt accepted the loss of his children but he has accepted how far he will go to get them back. (he will do anything)

[possamble]

Thank you for writing the (messy but neccessary) farcille breakdown. You handled it so wonderfully aaaaaaaah!! Like the other anon I was wondering how far "rock bottom" could get (because chapter 4 already felt pretty rock bottom) but. Yeah. That's pretty rock bottom, huh. The tragedy of loving someone but the other person not understanding <- this applies to both of them.

I think it was really neat how you flipped the question on who's reaching out to who with the academy flashback and the final scene with Namari, because... Marcille clinging onto Falin really is just a reversal of their academy days, isn't it? To everyone who met them after they reunited, it was always Marcille chasing after Falin, but to those who were at the magic academy, it was Falin chasing after Marcille. From picking flowers and berries to eat together, inviting Marcille out to see a play, and generally monopolizing her free time... I'm sure any of them would say the same thing as Namari, but in reverse. No wonder everyone thinks Marcille is just another friend to Falin. They weren't there to witness her pining /j. Idk!! I was rereading the chapter and the academy flashback girl was like "why do you hang off of Marcille so much" and I screamed to myself, "hey wait. HEY WAIT."

[faultyhammock]

Finally posting my forbidden locked tomb thoughts

[cressthebest]

hi, quick(ish) headcanon about lily evans.

she/they lily evans who never quite fit in with the other girls at school, but tried her hardest to.

lily evans is a witch and never quite fit in with her family after that.

lily evans is a muggleborn and never quite fit in with all the other witches and wizards at school.

she/they lily evans who lives in a dorm of girls and has to watch mary macdonald be so confident in her womanhood. lily evans who sees mary embrace and understand womanhood like she was never able to.

she/they lily evans who realizes that mary is a trans woman and for the first time, everything makes sense. lily sees how desperately mary chose womanhood and realizes that she’s not quite a woman. she/they lily evans who finally realizes why they never quite fit in with all the other girls at school. why she always felt a tad off from them. why they never quite felt like a woman.

she/they lily evans who is glad that mary gets joy out of being a woman, while they never did. and she/they lily evans who finally connects with someone because of womanhood

[ilovebeingaturtle]

I don’t really ship 87 Ramona (although I do love the idea of them in a QPR) but. If they did feel romantically for each other it would take forever for them to actually get together, if they even do, in sharp contrast to the 2012 “we’ve known each other two hours now we’re committed for life” speedrun. Raphael would have fallen in love years ago but would not recognise this fact once. Mona Lisa is also part of the problem. She has a layer of superficiality she always uses as protection over her true feelings, so how does she even know her flirting is sincere? How would Raphael be supposed to know? She’d overthink it. Also she’s a lesbian so falling in love with your best friend is like mandated and agonising. She’d have accepted her fate and already resigned herself that it’s never going to happen. She’s just happy they’re close to each other. Meanwhile Raphael thinks “huh, I want to marry her” then goes about his day. This realisation occurs multiple times but he never reads into it.

[huntquinlan]

tldr; i think once we as a fandom acknowledge that like 95% of us are using characters to SI and self-ship we’ll be better off