#where rationally there can be no other explanation for them wanting to be friends with me other than that they just want to be my friend

[iamthekarmapolice]

so like. if you have low self esteem is that just it? i grew up hating myself and so that’s just it forever? I never get to really truly feel good about myself?

[skiiyoomin]

Can I request Bakugou x reader where he has a long lasting unrequited love for her

ღBakugou with unrequited love

ʚCont: Bakugou x gn! reader, unrequited love, one sided love, swearing, a little angst

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a/n how we feeling about this

Why? Why? Why? The one and only time Bakugou falls for someone, and he can´t even have them. Why? He hates it. Hates you. No, he could never hate you. And that´s what pisses him off most. No matter what, no matter how heartbroken you make him feel, he can never have it in himself to hate you. Why? Because he´s so utterly in love with you.

From the moment you first walked in, looking so fucking pretty with that radiant smile, he knew he was fucked. He avoided you at all costs, but the universe had other plans for him. It was when you were paired up for a project that he finally came to the conclusion that he couldn´t avoid you forever. Even if he wanted to.

You're an absolute sweetheart. To everyone including him, even if he acts like he hates you. You know he doesn't. Damn you, why can you read him so well? During the time you worked on the project, he came to respect your hardworking behavior, which softened his edges. Just a little bit, and only for you.

He respects you, he convinced himself. Nothing more, nothing less. But, if he just respects you, then why does he feel green with envy every time someone that wasn´t him made you laugh? Deep down he knew the answer. Of course he knew, there was no other explanation for it. Yet his pride was never gonna let him admit it, at least for now.

These feelings became harder to ignore the more you talked. The more he learned about you. The things you like, the things you dislike. Your favorite restaurant and your go to coffee order. He accepted that he had feelings for you when, after a fun little hang out, you hugged him good night. He was sure you could hear the pounding of his heart against his ribcage. If you did notice, you didn´t point it out, saving him the humiliation.

From that moment onwards, the already softened edges became a mere puddle, just for you. He´d save you a seat, order an extra coffee, help you with homework. Things he would never ever be caught doing for anyone else. At one point, he grew suspicious that maybe you had feelings too. He grew hopeful. And hope is a dangerous thing to feel. It grows like a seed, it´s roots emerging from the depth of his heart until it sprouts like a tree, growing and growing until it slipped out of control. Until it blinded his judgement and clouded his rational thoughts. And when that hope is crushed, it feels like a wildfire, burning up every last root until it reaches the heart and crushes it.

He hates it. Hates the hope that swarms his chest when you walk just a tad bit closer to him. When your hands brush, a small taste of what could be. He hates his imagination, for running wild in the moments he least wants it too. Hates the yearning in his soul to feel your body laying beside the empty space in his bed. Or the desire he feels to touch you, to taste your lips and trace every crevice of your body.

But he can´t. He never will. Not when someone else´s hands trace the curves of your body. Not when someone else´s lips get a taste of yours. He never believed in right person, wrong time. Now? He wasn´t so sure what to believe. He really really hopes, never a good thing, that his eyes are decieving him. That at last he has to wear his glasses. Who is he kidding? He could be blind and still know it´s you. He knows that´s you wrapping your arms around someone who´s not him. He knows it´s you kissing him back. His heart aches because when you pull away and smile like you had the world in your hands, it´s not him who´s making you smile.

All those times he hoped your small interactions meant something, meant nothing. At least to you. You´ll always just be friends. Nothing more, nothing less. Hope is such an ugly little thing that has tore his heart apart. And now reality has slapped him in the face. The universe his looking down on him, holding both middle fingers up because hope blinded him from the truth. Just friends, nothing more, nothing less. That´s all it has been. That´s all it´s ever going to be.

[outlanderskin]

The Thing About Rationality and Logic

Someone who was stopping shipping once told me that she was doing it because she was a very realistic and rational person and her life was based on logic. So I asked her if by that she meant that people like me live in fantasy or are irrational. So, I patiently explained that what made me a shipper was exactly logic, more than imagination or fantasy. Because the logical explanation for many events in S&C's trajectory would be that they are together, but they don't want the outside world to know that they are.

I'll cite some examples: when you have a best friend and someone in that person's family dies, what logically do you do? You see, we're talking about best friends, very close people who publicly say how much they value each other and are close. The logical thing would be for you to show solidarity, post condolences and behave publicly in a discreet manner, in solidarity with the loss of that person you love so much, especially because you (by logic) probably have known the deceased relative. The logic would be stay by your best friend's side, support the family. But what we saw in that sad august days, (showed ostensibly for us to believe) was something that no logical answer about "best friends/siblings" could explain. The only way to explain the narrative created in those days would be that they are two people with a cordial, but superficial, relationship and I believe that from what has been stated by the two all these years, not even the Antis deep down believe that they are not close. . Again I ask: what is the need to hide that you were supporting your best friend in an extremely painful moment in anyone's life? Many people (famous or not) do this publicly, because after all it is not a crime, it is the expected logical behavior. So... Why hide it? We know what really happened because this a logical thing, but the others believe firmly he was not there for her.

Let's move on to another point: the man of the year award (or something like that); How can you logically explain that you chose your mother, your best friend and your co-worker to thank, as the most important women in your life? You who apparently had many "girlfriends", who still gets along well with your discreet ex-girlfriend who lives on another continent, who has others close female friends, but didn't mention any of them along with your co-worker. I've seen several men receiving tributes and the Acknowledgments always include the mother, another older woman of reference and the wives, girlfriends, fiancées. The only time I saw a co-worker mentioned (and that was after his mother, grandmother and wife), was when the achievement was due to his work at the company, so it was logical to mention the department secretary. What would then be the logical explanation for that speech?

Something that also defies logic: if I have a best friend and that person is in a relationship, I will obviously include that person's boyfriend/girlfriend on my list of people with whom I am always cordial. I'm not going to publicly act like the person doesn't exist in my best friend's life. We have a wonderful example of how CD & LL treat each other's boyfriends/girlfriends and they don't hide it. This is how it is when we think logically.

Another little point where logic calls us: your male best friend might talk about a female artist with admiration...you don't need to tell him "behave", after all he's not your husband. The most you can do in the case of friendship is admire her or say you don't like her, never act like you're jealous.

Maybe it's just me, but I never went on my best friend's social media to complain because everyone in the photo was wearing a suit and he wasn't. I also never apologized or justified why he didn't wear a tie. I do this normally with my husband. Because it's logical for wives to do this.

These are just small points, where thinking logically justifies what we believe. So anyone who thinks that we are not rational, live outside of reality or do not have logical reasoning is mistaken, or has not yet stopped to think logically.🙃🙃

[anki-of-beleriand]

Bad Liar ch. 6

Summary: Life is about lessons, and Wanda has been learning some harsh facts that had define her life and taken her to a place in which she was given a second chance. Then, all of a sudden, she meets you, and she realizes why it's easier to lie to yourself than to accpet what's right in front of her.

Pairing: Wanda Maximoff/ Female!reader - America/Kate - Mentions of past Vision/Wanda - past Natasha/Reader - Some Female!Reader/Carol Danvers - past Shuri/Female!reader

Warnings: Slow burn - lightly Enemies to friends to lovers - Mentions of abusive relationships - Toxic relationships - angst - drama - mentions of abuse - unrequited love - gay panic - fools in love - more tags as the story progress.

Author's note: New chapter and yes! This time around things start changing, and Wanda and R are experimenting some emotions that may changed their lives forever, so obviously they do the most mature thing they can do...they denied them.

Thank you so much for reading, commenting, liking and reblogging the story guys! Remember that English is not my mother tongue, so forgive my grammar, spelling and funny mistakes.

Chapter 1 - Chapter 2 - Chapter 3 - Chapter 4 - Chapter 5 - Chapter 6 - Chapter 7 - Chapter 8 - Chapter 9 - Chapter 10 - Chapter 11 - Chapter 12 - Chapter 13 - Chapter 14 - Chapter 15 - Chapter 16 - Chapter 17 - Chapter 18

Chapter 6

Denial isn’t just a river in Egypt

In the blink of an eye your relationship with your neighbour changed.

None of you were too sure as to how it happened, or when exactly it happened. But after that fateful day, in which you had played the part of a hero, you and Wanda engaged in a game of playful and deep conversations over the chat in your phones. For more than two weeks, you would seek your mobile while your heart skipped a beat, your lips curling into a strange smile that was not missed by those around you.

The changes had been so slow, and so deeply engraved in the idea of a new friendship that you and Wanda missed the signals.

The questions about the twins well-being turned into questions about preferences in music and movies, it became conversation about current events or what you usually do in your free time. At some point, even the friendly banter you two shared in the chat made you think of a juvenile adventure, but the thought was soon dismissed by your rational side telling you that friendships were supposed to be like this. A friendly chat, and a bickering friendship whenever you saw her right outside her home with the twins.

Whatever game you had entered into, for America and even Carol it was pretty obvious something had changed, and while Carol was trying to figure a way to reach out to you and not lose you; America had seen in your eyes, in your behaviour, in your phone who was behind the sudden changed. But whenever she tried to delve into the subject your quick dismissal and tangled explanations told your sister you were not ready to face reality. Much like Wanda, whenever America was to ask about the growing friendship between the both of you.

Of course, that didn’t mean you were not allowed to make questions or seek the answers eating out at you. So, when America couldn’t answer your questions about Wanda’s relationship status, or where was the husband and the father of her children, you went after the next best source of information you had.

Natasha Romanoff sat right in front of you, with her power suit on and a playful smile on her lips. The restaurant was packed, and the muffled conversation around you two was enough to bring relief to your mind that no one would be able to snoop into the conversation you would hold with the other woman. Natasha leaned in, her chin resting on the back of her hand, while her eyes gleamed with a knowing glint you had always hated on her.

“Now, this is quite surprising.” Natasha Romanoff leaned back on her chair; she tilted her head with her full lips drawing a tantalising smile you had come to know too well. “You either want to reignite a flame, or you are looking for something, Y/N.”

“Can I invite one of my oldest friends to lunch?” You retorted sounding slightly offended, Natasha snort signalling with her hand to the waitress.

“You hadn’t invited me to dinner since you broke up with Shuri.” Natasha had always been straight forward, you could always count on her to be direct and honest with you, and her brutality had saved you any trouble to not face the truths right in front of your face.

“So, what is going on?”

You shifted on the chair, the waitress taken the order from Natasha and then from you, he smiled bowing his head while giving Natasha a quick glance before walking away. The older woman tilted her head, resting her cheek on the palm of her hand while her eyes twinkled mischievously at you.

“Is it your new girlfriend or…”

“Oh, god, does everyone know about Carol?” You inquired frowning deeply. “She is not my girlfriend…”

“Someone should tell her that.” Natasha rolled her eyes leaning back. “So, what is it?”

“Wanda.”

Now this got Natasha’s full attention.

The older woman leaned forward again, her single eyebrow lifting slightly while her eyes twinkled with interested. Her lips quirked upwards, and you could tell she was trying to figure out what were your real intentions behind such a question. You pressed your lips together, tapping the table with your fingers drifting your eyes around the restaurant before settling them on Natasha.

“So, Wanda…”

“Now, stop right there, Tasha! I know that tone of voice and it’s not what you’re thinking.”

“It’s not?” Natasha chuckled, tilting her head. “I heard you went nurse on her and her kid a couple of weeks ago, and that you even brought Christine to her home to make sure the kid was fine.”

You rolled your eyes, of course Natasha would know about that. The freaking woman had a special ability to know everything that happened around her friends and the people she loved.

“Come on, Y/N, what is it you want to know?” Natasha finally inquired; you pursed your lips leaning forward lowering your voice as you did so.

“Her husband, the father of her children…what happened to him?” You didn’t beat around the bush with the question, Natasha scowled at you waiting until the food was served and the waitress had gone to speak again.

“Why are you asking this?” She finally asked piercing you with a deep stare, you shifted on your chair scrunching up your nose contemplating the real reasons for your question.

The truth was you hadn’t stopped thinking about Wanda since the day of the school event. The fact you got to see the glimpse of her family and a part of her you didn’t know was just a plus of what you were looking for. Why did you want to know that? Why was so important to know if the father of the twins would be back? If he was in the picture?

The answer to that question scared you.

More than you care to admit.

And thus, you decided to change the answer in your mind, it was not so much about Wanda, but the twins and what little you had discovered about them (and her). With that in mind, asking about the father, about Wanda’s status as single or with someone would be easier to handle.

The lies we told ourselves could go beyond the unimaginable, and you had learnt to lie to yourself a long time ago.

“I just…well, I was wondering if he is in the picture, why wasn’t he with her and the twins. I mean…”

“He is alive.” Natasha cut off your babbling, her posture never changed but her eyes were now analysing your every move, your every word.

“Oh, that…that’s good.” You replied frowning at your food, you pressed your lips tight while lowering your head.

“You don’t sound so happy about it.” Natasha replied after a few bites, you lifted your head offering a bittersweet smile.

“Oh, I’m just…I mean, are they divorced or…?” You trailed off clenching your eyes closed, Natasha snorted taking a sip from her glass before speaking.

“It’s not my story to tell, Y/N.” She straightened up and made sure you could not take your eyes away from her. “But I do want to make something very clear, Y/N, I won’t let you play with her the way you’re playing Danvers. Wanda doesn’t need, nor does she deserve to be played at by anyone. Not that Carol does, but with Wanda it is a little different.”

“I’m not playing with Carol or Wanda, that’s not what I was asking you this.”

Natasha shrugged gauging your reaction as she kept talking. 

"Either way, Wanda is not gay, not even bi so…"

You placed a single hand on your face, hiding the growing blush on your cheeks. Natasha stretched her hand to grab her glass of water, her deep blue eyes seizing you up quite surprised by your sudden interest in Wanda. 

"I'm not interested in her, not in that way." You stated with a straight face, trying to convince Natasha as much as yourself of the veracity of your words. 

Natasha hummed, not really believing your words but not ready to start a discussion that you were obviously not ready to have. 

"Then, what is your interest in her? Last time I checked you two didn't get along because you decided to be a bitch on your first encounter." 

Natasha chuckled just as you rolled your eyes making a face. 

"I wasn't being a bitch, she was being overly dramatic, that's all." You straightened up, lowering your gaze as you continued. "Anyway. I just noticed something the day I helped her with Tommy, I was just curious, that's all."

Natasha wanted to add something else, she could only imagine what you had discover to trigger the curiosity. Afterall, Natasha had accessed to the medical file of the twins and Wanda, she knew exactly what you had found that day. But for the moment, she would not dig further into your real intentions, and would play along with you while also finding her own way to know exactly what your intentions with Wanda were.

"Well, as I said, that's not my story to tell, perhaps you could take a chance of this newfound interest and ask her yourself." 

You were very tempted to press the topic, and for a brief moment Natasha thought you would do it; but soon your interest drifted and the conversation changed into one of pure business and plans for the future. The questions you were left with, however, never left your mind, and you were already trying to devise a way to get the answers you were looking for.

Natasha or her part smiled to herself, you had played right into her hands and she had a plan for you already in mind.

‘This ought to be fun…’

_________________________________________________________

Winter had come early that year.

The rainy season had given way to low temperatures, piercing winds, and white, teasing snowflakes that would come from time to time to tease the inhabitants of the city Wanda now called her home. She glanced out of the window, with her eyes following the twirls of wind and snow dancing in the streets while the school offered a protection and warmth she was grateful for. She placed her chin on her hand, her green eyes softening slightly as she remembered the recent conversation she had been holding over the phone with Y/N.

Her lips curled slightly, she knew you were stubborn, but she never thought you were such a petulant child. The discussion had been quite foolish, and you had stood your ground quite firmly by sending her papers written by people Wanda could hardly recognize. It amused her to not end knowing how easily you get riled up whenever you knew you were in the right but someone tried to tell you were wrong. It had been quite some time since she found herself so relaxed by talking to someone that wasn't her therapist or Natasha, and the fact she didn't need to discuss her life and the problem plaguing her mind was a refreshing situation. It made her eager to continue talking to you, to allow the small glimpses of friendship to sprout so easily. 

Wanda quite enjoyed contradicting you and whether she knew it or not, she was starting to look forward to those hidden conversations on her mobile. 

“You seemed quite content over there, Wanda, good day?” 

Wanda jerked away from her position, turning to see Natasha Romanoff standing by her desk, her head tilted to the side and her blue eyes twinkling with amusement just as Wanda felt her cheeks warm up at the sudden intrusion.

“I…yeah, you could say that.” Wanda straightened up trying to organise the paperwork laying on her desk. “Is there something you need from me, Natasha?”

“My, Wanda, can't a friend come over and see how you are doing?” Natasha sat down on the desk, crossing her legs while leaning forward, her eyes following Wanda’s gaze to the world outside just before she settled on the mobile the young woman had on her desk.

“Of course, you can.” Wanda replied, lifting her head to stare at the older woman. “I'm sorry, it’s just I thought perhaps you need something or…or something had happened?”

The unasked question hung heavily above their heads; Natasha shook her head glancing at the mobile on the desk vibrating under the pressure of a series of messages. The young woman went to grab her phone, but Natasha was faster than her, her red, puffy lips curling into a smile. Wanda felt her cheeks burning with embarrassment, and her heart hammering against her chest as if she had been discovered doing a naughty deed. 

"Y/N? I thought you hate her." The statement rolled out with a hint of amusement and inquiry; Wanda looked down with her hands wriggling around a piece of paper. 

"Hate is a strong emotion…"

"You said, and I quote, I hate that bitch." Natasha chuckled watching the mortified stare crossing Wanda's face at hearing her own words thrown back at her. 

"I was mad that day." She defended herself by stretching her hand to the other woman wiggling her fingers in request of her phone. "I don't hate her, but I do think she is annoying and sometimes stubborn and quite frankly she is a spoiled brat."

"Ah, so you like her." Natasha was enjoying this conversation far too much.

The older woman raised a single eyebrow, her eyes studying every reaction that Wanda was experimenting. From the way those green eyes open wide, to the pinkish colour of her cheeks and the sudden trembling on her lower lip. Natasha was not a fool and she suspected something was happening, but she didn't dare yet to put a label on the sudden relationship between Wanda and Y/N, it would be far too early and far too foolish to jump to any conclusions. What Natasha did know was that this newfound friendship was helping Wanda with her mood, so the older woman considered that a winning situation. 

"I wouldn't say I like her, more like I tolerate her." Wanda replied with a small voice. "She did help me with Tommy, and she is America's sister so…"

"Of course, it's not a matter of liking her but of putting up with her."

"Exactly." Natasha rolled her eyes but decided to not press the situation any further. 

Wanda grabbed her phone, her eyes falling on the screen and her fingers trembling lightly just before she put the gadget away. 

"Anyway, I came here because I talked to Y/N today." This seemed to grab Wanda's attention, Natasha narrowed her eyes before continuing. "Every year, just before Winter break we have a celebration for the seniors and really for the whole school. Y/N was supposed to be the organiser this year, and as our newest addition I also proposed you to be part of the committee."

"Me?" Wanda felt dizzy at the proposal, this could mean a lot of things for her. 

She knew such an important position would require time and dedication, but most importantly she would be working right alongside you and that was something that was making her feel slightly anxious. 

"Yes, it has been a couple of months since you got here, Wanda." Natasha softened her expression standing by the window before turning to Wanda. "You have done amazing work with the students; they love you and it is about time for you to make a name for yourself. Get notice and get credit for the amazing ideas I know you have, let everyone else know you and… Who knows? Perhaps, this is what you need to start healing."

Wanda nodded tentatively, she knew the responsibility she was being given was Natasha's way to empower her and get her more familiar with the world she had been introduced to. 

"What about the press…" Wanda started and she was quite shocked to see the smirk on Natasha's face. 

"Now, that's where Y/N comes in, she also needs this, and the press would be busier with her in the spotlight." Natasha winked at Wanda. "I've already spoken with Tony about this, your name would be hidden by everyone but the board, and you can work marvels without fearing your name would go out there and put yourself and the twins in danger."

Wanda knew she was given too much, but the old fears came rushing in. She remembered the old wounds on Tommy's back, the overprotective nature of Billy, her own weakness and incapability to form new bonds, to allow others closer. Wanda crumbled under her fear of Vision finding her again, and this time around, of Vision keeping his promise of destroying her and the twins. 

"Natasha…" The name left Wanda's lips with a quiver.

The older woman stepped closer, wrapping a comforting hand around Wanda. 

"Don't worry, Wands, Vision would never find you out in here, I made sure of it."

"I just… I know it's s a great opportunity, but he threatened me… Billy and Tommy… And he has money, and…"

"It's gonna be fine, Wanda. I know it is."

Thunder rumbled right outside the classroom, the silver light of thunder ignited the darkened hall and America jumped slightly with her eyes wide to the door of her classroom. Soon the two women engaged in a conversation America was not ready to hear, a conversation that would be far too intrusive to listen to. 

Stepping back, she turned around and left the hall before she could be discovered. The information she had just gathered out of chance store in her memory while her hands moved swiftly to write to her friends and call on an emergency meeting. 

Now, more than ever, they needed the help of Kate's company to know the truth hidden behind Wanda Maximoff’s sudden appearance in the Academy. 

_____________________________________________________________

The supermarket was full. 

Everyone seemed to have chosen that day to fill up the pantries back home to prepare for the long weekend. Wanda winced when Tommy and Billy ran to the section with sweets and packaged goods she knew she would fight over with the twins. However, watching them ran free, with smiles on their faces and not a single sign of sickness or fear in their eyes was enough for her to allow them to pick something up to enjoy after dinner. 

Wanda glanced at her phone, the notes app had the list of what she would need to make sure to spend some time with the twins and, perhaps, to repay the help you and America extended to her weeks ago. This last thought made her hesitate, she chewed her lower lip, with a crease of her brows at the sudden summersault her stomach experiment at the thought of having you back in her home. 

“Let me guess, you are ready to fight over a box of Mac & Cheese and a yoghurt?” Your teasing tone was not missed by the young woman that turned around wide-eyed and flustered.

“Y/N!” She exclaimed, putting her phone away rather quickly, you tilted your head with an amused smirk playing on your lips.

“Wanda!” You exclaimed back, chuckling, walking closer to her, your eyes danced up and down her body before focusing on the cart she had behind her. “Ah, you already have the Mac & Cheese…but you are missing this!”

You put from the supermarket basket a six pack of your favourite yoghurt; the same one you had taken from her on your first encounter. You winked playfully, chuckling when Wanda merely rolled her eyes, clicking her tongue while shaking her head.

“Right, are you gonna take it from me like last time or…”

You opened your eyes in mock shock, leaning over and placing the pack on Wanda’s cart. Wanda shivered lightly, your close proximity letting her catch the smell of your perfume, and the warmth emanating from your body.

“Never, please allow me.” You straightened up but never bothered to put some distance between the both of you, you were enjoying the nervousness coming off from Wanda and a part of you was tingling all over to perhaps do something rather dangerous and daring.

“I…I...Uh…” Wanda was trying to say something but your eyes on her, and the teasing smirk on your lips made her lose her words.

“I’m pretty sure there is an intelligent thought behind those beautiful stutters, though I think you’re a lot smarter when you write to me than when you talk to me…”

“Oh, shut up!” She replied slapping you playfully on your arm, your laugh made her blush and stepped back to put a safe distance between you and herself. “I was just…I was just thinking that I never thought I would find you here.”

You nodded, turning to the sound of laughter coming from down the closest aisle, in there you could see the twins that had found America strolling around. You smiled at the sight, soon finding the figure of Wanda all the more comforting at the foolish scene the five of you played inside your head.

“I came here for some groceries, and something for tonight's dinner.”

Before Wanda could ask about the dinner, she heard her name and yours being called from two different parts of the supermarket. Wanda turned to see her children running towards her with America smiling sheepishly, you turned to the other end to see Carol Danvers coming with a satisfied expression on her face and the can of goods she had been looking for. Your stomach dropped, remembering the reason you ended up in the supermarket after work, and a sudden wave of guiltiness came over you when you realised the blond-haired woman had been really excited when you invited her over for dinner that day. You dared a side-glance to Wanda that was now engaged in a discussion with the twins, and a pang of affection mixed up with your guilt for the whole situation.

Something absurd, if you think about it, since you shouldn’t be feeling guilty about anything at all. You were not doing anything wrong, and whatever mixed up emotions you were experimenting, it was the mere confusion that Wanda had come to create in your mind by being herself.

“Hey, I found it!” Carol exclaimed happily, stretching her hand with a proud stance, she drifted her attention from you to the redhead talking with two children and her eyes opened in surprise, though another emotion flash in her eyes. “Oh, Wanda!”

Wanda turned around and she too was highly surprised at the sight of Carol in there, her eyes went from Carol to yours then back to Carol. You could see the realisation flashing in her green eyes, and your mind pressed over for you to speak and clarify the situation.

“Eh, Carol, right? Hi.”

“Yes, the very same.” The woman stretched out her hand, and Wanda soon found herself under the firm grasp of the woman. “How have you been? I never got a chance to ask Y/N how you were feeling after that night, I hope everything went well.”

Wanda shifted uncomfortably, shooting you a quick glance before returning her attention to Carol.

“It did, I was just…not feeling myself that day.” She retorted softly.

“Mom! Can we?” Billy stepped forward putting the pudding box up, pouting and putting on his best puppy stare to make Wanda give in.

Carol stepped aside, she was surprised by the sight of the kid but pleasantly so as she stood beside you, her hand sneaking in to entangle around yours. You tensed, grabbing the offering hand without actually looking at the blond standing beside you, Tommy stepped forward moving past his begging brother to look up at you with a shy smile.

“Hi, Y/N.” You knelt down letting go of Carol, while smiling back at the boy.

“Hey, Tommy, how are you feeling?”

“Better, thank you.” You ruffled the kids' hair winking at him.

“Nah, it was all on you, kiddo, you were a real superhero.”

Tommy smiled please, and you stood up to see Wanda about ready to burst under the begging of Billy and the sudden tension in the group.

“He is quite persistent, eh?” Carol commented amusedly, Wanda winced tilting her head.

“You have no idea.” She replied while lifting a single hand, Billy clamped his lips close while Tommy grabbed his brother dragging him away.

“Mommy said no more desert, Billy put it back.”

“It’s my fault, Professor Maximoff, I told them I could also make pudding for them next time I babysit.” 

Wanda shook her head, her lips curling tiredly, “that’s okay.”

“I didn’t know you were so good with children.” Carol stated in a faint voice to your side, you turned to her eyebrows raised at her sudden change of tone and the close proximity with you.

“Why not?”

Carol made a face, shrugging, “you never seem the type and…I just thought it was cute.”

“Humph, I’m not cute.” You replied slightly offended, the woman rolled her eyes before leaning in to steal a kiss from you.

The kiss was supposed to last a few seconds, or so you thought.

But soon it became evident that Carol’s intentions were totally different. She put a possessive hand around your waist, pressing her body closer to yours while her lips danced sensually against yours, her tongue teasing around before she pulled away rather breathless and flustered. Whatever her intentions, Carol smirked satisfied, her eyes found those of Wanda that was shifting uncomfortably on her spot.

“Right, I think we better keep moving, there is going to be rain and…and the twins may catch something.” Wanda started talking fast, moving back while placing the pudding box on her cart. “It was nice seeing you, Carol, Y/N, America. I may need you tomorrow but I will text you the details…bye!”

You had never seen the young woman move as fast as she did at that moment, the twins waved good-bye and soon they were following their mom towards the other end of the supermarket. America stood there with a frown, her eyes found yours and the both of you had the same questioning glance on your faces. Carol on the other hand was tensed, her eyes flashing something cold with hints of sadness in them.

“Shall we go?” She asked, you turned to her frowning before nodding.

“Yeah, are you okay?” You stepped forward but Carol stepped back.

“Yes, just tired and a little hungry.”

“Okay, yes, let’s pick something else up and we go home.” You mumbled slightly confused, your heart hammering against your chest and your mind a twister of emotions, memories, and thoughts involving the woman you hadn’t stopped thinking about ever since you met her.

______________________________________________________________

Dinner had been a quiet event. 

Something had been bothering you all afternoon and part of the night, and Carol had long lost the battle to try and regain your attention. She and America spoke most of the night, with Carol speaking about her adventures and the long process that led her to be the most decorated Captain in the air force and the newest commander of the base. 

America had enjoyed the conversation, she asked questions about life in the force and the possibilities that could be opened for her. But as the conversation took a more professional note, you couldn't help but drift away into your own thoughts. 

By the time you and Carol were left alone, you were even more confused than ever, and this only made the breach between you and Carol that much bigger, deeper and almost impossible to cross. 

"You had been awfully quiet all night, is something the matter?" Carol had not missed your mood, and a part of her continued holding onto the hope that your relationship would turn out to be something meaningful. 

"I'm just tired, and thoughtful." You replied offering a small smile. "Today was a long day at the office, and I followed your advice so tomorrow I will have lunch with Hope."

"You do?" This time around Carol was completely surprised, her face relaxed at the news and she took this chance to come closer to you. 

"Yes, I think it is time to just rekindle that friendship and…" You shrugged, leaning back to face Carol. "I did miss her, you know?" 

Carol knew. 

The last year had been a complete roller-coaster for you, Carol had been there the moment you broke up with Shuri and your inner circle took sides without knowing the full context of the fight. Carol had found out by chance, but Hope had heard both sides of the story and had stepped aside by trying to balance her friendship with Shuri and with you. The breakup, as well as the weight of the daily business and raising a teenager had left you in an emotional state you wished to never experiment again. It was in the midst of such disarray that Carol and you made a deal. 

Carol never imagined she would want more, and you never entertained the idea of falling in love again. And while you had been firmed in your resolution, Carol had been breaking the silent deal she had made the first night she spent in your bed. 

Now, after almost six months of the affair, Carol realiser she had been a fool. 

"I was offered a new position." Carol stated all of a sudden, she placed a hand on your shoulder and her fingers started a game you knew well enough. 

"A position? Where?" You shivered as her fingertips brushed against your skin, her lips wrapped around your earlobe. 

"They are renewing the security plans in the base of Eastern Europe." She whispered, her hand moving down your open shirt, your hands already positioned on her lower back pressing her closer to you. "They want me to lead the new training drills, and be in charge of the whole operation." 

The blond-haired woman trembled with her legs spread and her clothed crotch pressed tentatively on your thigh. You lifted your leg applying more pressure, a soft moan leaving Carol's lips. 

"What are you trying to say, Carol?" You asked softly, this time around you leaned in kissing the woman on her lips tearing out of her a needy moan just as you pressed her closer to you. 

"Come with me." Carol finally stated, breathing hard, her hips rolling to get more friction. 

She fluttered her eyes open, and as soon as she did she knew the answer to her question. Her face fell for a moment but a spark of determination ignited inside her chest. She offered a mischievous smile and without any warning she knelt down, her trembling hands playing with the zipper and the buttons of your pants. 

"Let's just talk about this later." She finally mumbled, lowering your pants and underwear and digging right in your already wet pussy. 

Your thoughts leaving your mind as soon as her tongue came into contact with your pussy. Your hand pressing her closer never once did you notice the tears in her eyes. 

______________________________________________________________

Hope had chosen a nice restaurant right outside her office. The place was small, cosy and filled with sweet aromas of homemade food. The music was a remembrance of your teen years, and you couldn't feel more relaxed under such an atmosphere. 

"So, you like the place I chose?" Hope asked amusedly, you snorted tilting your head with a shrug. 

"It is nice." You played the nonchalant card, but Hope was not having any of it. 

"I knew you would like it." Hope took a sip from her glass glancing around the place before letting her eyes rest on you. "The food in here is amazing, and actually this is a good place to think and have private conversations."

"Private, eh?" 

Hope shrugged leaning back on her chair, "it's been a while and in my office we have the risk of one of my patients coming over without knocking, like Wanda did last time." 

At the mention of the young woman you felt your body tense, your eyes diverted their attention from Hope to some unknown spot in the restaurant. Hope narrowed her eyes with some interest, filing this reaction away to bring it over later. 

"Right, like last time…" You grabbed a napkin facing Hope with some trepidation. "How is she?" 

"Who? Wanda?" Hope opened her eyes until the face you made told her the other woman was not the one you were talking about. "Ah, she is doing fine. After her brother's funeral she and her mom took some time off work and now they are back. It's just that she is not overly fond of coming back to the States."

"I see, that's good."

"And you? How are things with you, Y/N? What about America?" Hope was being honest in her questions, she had lost contact with you but she never stopped loving you like a sister. 

She listened attentively as you evaded the topic of your life and instead focused on America and the family business. The conversation about your sister made Hope smile, she knew you adore the kid and your life decisions had been made around her well-being but she also worried that after your break-up with Shuri America had become your only focus. 

"Right now she is just… Trying to decide what to do." You shrugged, shaking your head. "I just have a feeling that they would end up in the same University…breaking havoc as always."

Hope chuckled, America and her group of friends had been like that ever since they were little children. Everyone was expecting great things from them. 

"Okay, that was a long storytelling about America, her friends, her future, school, and about your business and Tony, and Strange, and…" 

You rolled your eyes, making a face you busy yourself with your fork. Hope tilted her head softening her stare. 

"And you, Y/N? How are you, really? What about Carol? I heard you and her were a thing… But…" 

Hope could see the topic become personal for you, your whole stance changed and soon your eyes dropped. The woman waited for a moment, her eyes never leaving your form and you knew she was just analysing your every movement and your every word.

"We were just fucking." You let out a heavy sigh after that, Hope winced at your crudeness but was really not surprised about it. 

"I met her the other day, you know?" Hope pursed her lips before continuing. "Are you sure it is nothing else…?" 

"I know she wants more." You replied. "But I made it clear to her, I cannot…" 

"You can't or you don't want to? There is a difference in there, Y/N." 

You fixed your position on the chair, grabbing the glass of water before speaking. 

"I don't want to, Carol is amazing. She really is, but my affection for her doesn't go deeper than friendship." You took a long sip from your water, Hope offered a sympathetic smile. "I know she wants more, but I can't give her that. I don't want to hurt her."

"Well, it is inevitable, she has always had a crush on you and you just gave her something she wanted."

This revelation came as a surprise for you, Hope could tell you didn't know that detail about Carol. 

"She never said anything."

"You are hard to crack sometimes, Y/N, and you were so absorbed in your pursuit of Shuri and all that you missed her feelings." Hope shrugged. "But now it's your time to make it right, if there is nothing else you can offer than a night of sex then you better end that right now."

You nodded furrowing your brows for a brief moment. Hope narrowed her eyes at you, and the next question almost made you choke on your own spit. 

"And what's your relationship with Wanda Maximoff?"

"What?!" You exclaimed, changing to different shades of red. "There is no relationship whatsoever! What made you say that?" 

Hope raised a single eyebrow, waving her hand away pointing at you. 

"That reaction." 

"This is nothing but me thinking how ridiculous you are being, Hope." You huffed indignantly, finishing your glass of water while looking away. "That woman is insufferable, and she has two kids, and really I find her quite dull and… And…"

"Insufferable?" Hope chimed in when you seemed lost at words. 

"Exactly!" Hope rolled her eyes and you clicked your tongue aggravated by the suggestion. But there was something else, you grabbed your phone putting it away protectively while you made sure to never look Hope right in the eye. 

She was very tempted to press the conversation, but she had a better idea. 

"Right, sorry I ever asked." She stood up putting some bills on the table. "Walk me to the office, I have an appointment in five minutes."

You let out a sigh of relief, standing up you left a generous tip before going out of the restaurant. The day was cold and dark, but people were enjoying the Saturday afternoon with long walks and shopping for the holidays. Hope started talking about her own family, and how she had spent her last eight months away. 

You listened carefully, always enjoying the presence of one of your oldest friends in ways you never thought possible. For a moment, you entertained the idea of telling Hope about your recent confusion, but voicing your thoughts would give a form to something you didn't want to face at the moment. Besides, it was nothing! You were confused because you had found in Wanda a kind heart and two amazing children, it was nothing more than sympathy. 

The theory you had played inside your head crumbled the moment you found yourself staring into a pair of deep, green eyes. 

"Wanda! I'm sorry to take this long, this slowpoke was just entertaining me after lunch." Hope let go of your arm coming towards Wanda and giving her a warm hug.

You stood there mouth hanging open as Wanda turned to Hope. 

"Don't worry, I just got here as well so I didn't have to wait…" She trailed off, hesitant at first before turning to you. "Hello, Y/N, I hope you are doing fine."

Her tone was quite different, detached and almost cold. You furrowed your brows but soon shook away your head and offered a half smile. 

"Yep, more than okay, Princess." Wanda tensed at the nickname, and Hope was having the time of her life observing the interaction. "What about you? Did you have a good night?" 

"Not as good as yours, I bet." She replied icily, you opened your eyes with your lips parting with  an answer at the ready but before you could say anything Wanda offered a strained smile to Hope. "If you don't mind, Hope, I think I will go inside. I need the bathroom. Y/N have a nice afternoon, give my best to Carol."

And with that she left in a hurry. You stood there slightly hurt by this reaction, but you concealed your expression as soon as you felt Hope's knowing stare on you. 

"Right, she is crazy, I tell you no wonder she is seeing you."

Before you could go, the voice of your best friend stopped you. 

"Don't judge her too harshly, Y/N, you don't know the whole story." Hope approached you giving you a long hug. "Stop running, Y/N, and start living, you fool. We will talk about that next time. Don't be a stranger."

"I won't." 

Hope lifted her face to the building, a spark of curiosity awakening in her. This session promised to be an interesting one. 

______________________________________________________________

Wanda hadn't stopped pacing around the room. 

She had served tea twice, and her purse was left forgotten on the sofa while she babbled about the progress she had made, how empowered she felt at the moment. She talked about her job, about her family and her brother, she told Hope about the photo album and about her children. And just like that, her conversation went down a path she had tried to divert for more than thirty minutes. 

"I have never been so scared before." Wanda dropped her weight on the chair, her hand resting on her forehead, covering the rampaging emotions going through her at the memory. 

"I can't imagine what that might have felt for you, Wanda. Your children are your main motivator, and finding that one of them is suffering…"

"I thought I was failing; you know?" Wanda finally revealed. "I couldn't stop his voice from drilling mocking words inside my head. It was as if his predictions became real."

Hope scrunched up her nose, she let out a huff that Wanda answered with a crooked smile. 

"Habits are difficult to break, his voice may be there as a memory but not as a compass to your actions." Hope softened her gaze. "But how did you overcome such hardship? Is Tommy doing better now?" 

This time around Wanda leaned forward, her elbows resting on her knees and the wrinkles around her eyes and the bridge of her nose softened considerably. Hope observed with a twinge of interest the reaction, she didn't miss the body language and much less in the words Wanda was using to talk about what happened next. 

"He is so much better now, I actually received help from my neighbour." 

"Y/N?" Hope straightened up, her eyes going wide at this revelation. 

"She and America, they came in and…" Wanda trailed off looking away from the knowing glance of her therapist. "Can you believe they are sisters? God, America is like the sweetest, smartest and kindest person I have ever known and Y/N…"

"What is it? Hope finally asked after a minute or so, Wanda shifted, crossing her arms and clicking her tongue. 

"She is just… Infuriating!"

"I agreed though I believe you and I have different reasons for thinking that." Hope stated amused, Wanda winced leaning forward again. 

"I know she is your friend, and she did help me with Tommy, but she is just…"

Wanda trailed off again, Hope waited for a moment and soon Wanda let out a heavy sigh. 

"She is confusing." Wanda finally said, frowning at her own words. "And this thing she has with Carol, showing off as if…ugh, can you believe she was showing off last night? It's just…" 

Wanda trailed off leaning back, "it's confusing."

Hope lifted a single eyebrow, her lips twitching fighting over her obvious reaction to such a declaration. 

"Whatever you mean by that, Wanda? I mean, what does Carol and Y/N, for that matter, have anything to do with your confusion?" 

Wanda pressed her lips together, her heart hammering against her chest and her cheeks tainted in pink. The young woman opened and closed her mouth before dropping her defences. 

" I didn't know she… I mean that Y/N was into… I mean… " Wanda stuttered trying to find the right words, Hope waited for a moment before talking. 

"Into women?" 

"Yes!" Wanda exclaimed wincing, she had heard something of course, but to actually see you with the blond-haired woman, shared such a deep kiss, it had ignited inside Wanda an emotion that made her heart twisted with a painful thud. 

Seeing you today, after what Wanda had seen, what she had imagined you and Carol were doing back in your home, it was almost ridiculously unbearable for her. Wanda wanted to come onto you and slapped you, but as soon as that thought sneaked in, another stranger, yet familiar emotion came to the surface. 

Sadness. 

"She is confusing, sometimes.". Wanda hesitated before continuing. "Sometimes she is… She is this nice person and some others she…" 

"She is confusing." Hope chimed in, Wanda nodded and the look of pure panic and puzzlement in her green eyes told Hope this was a topic she could not press any further without discussing other important points about Wanda. 

"Wanda, before Vision, was there anybody else you were interested in?" 

The question caught Wanda by surprise, she straightened up, tilting her head while frowning a little. The young woman was trying to remember her childhood and her teen years, flashes of people she had been interested in came rushing into her mind but most of them had been singers or actresses that called her attention. 

Then, she stopped her trail of thoughts. Actresses. No, actors. There was this one actress that she had always thought was beautiful but that was admiration, not attraction. 

Then, she tried to go back to the mirage of faces until she found herself thinking of you. Her heart leaped, and Wanda shook her head rapidly. 

"I…I don't remember." She stuttered, glancing at her feet. 

"You don't remember or you don't want to say?" Hope pressed but Wanda didn't lift her face, and Hope knew the other woman would say nothing else about the topic. 

However, Hope had sowed the seed of doubt and that would be enough to press the matter on another session. For now, she was starting to see a pattern in Y/N and Wanda, a dangerous game that if executed incorrectly could leave the women involved more miserable than they already were. 

"I think this is all for today." Hope stated and she could tell Wanda was relieved by this. 

"Okay, yes, today was…" Wanda gestured with her hands but said nothing else.

"It was." Hope smiled and Wanda hated the fact her therapist knew more than she cares to admit. 

There was a long silence in between, Hope could tell Wanda was in the middle of an internal battle but the contents of this battle were the myriad of emotions Wanda had allowed herself for the very first time. Independence.

Wanda was finally freed to make decisions on her own, to take the path she thought better for herself and her children. Wanda was finally freed to be herself, and that was something the young woman was discovering little by little with the ups and downs that this discovery might mean.

“I never thought this was going to be this…difficult.” Wanda wrapped her arms around herself, she lifted her gaze to the ceiling pursing her lips.

“You are discovering yourself, Wanda, there are many aspects of your personality and even of your life that you hid in order to survive and to comply with what was expected of you.” Hope offered a comforting smile, her words washing over Wanda just as reality hit the redhead. “It can be difficult for as long as you fight it over, and this may happen because you are still fighting with the ghosts of the past.”

Wanda shifted on the chair, she never turned to Hope but the therapist didn’t need to see the expression on Wanda’s face to know she was struggling with the words and her thoughts at the moment.

“So, I could be…this could be…This is me?”

Hope tilted her head analysing the statement. 

Who Wanda could be was more complicated than Wanda really knew, but certainly the little pieces that she had been revealing in the sessions and the little pieces she had discovered on her own were just a reflection of the amazing person that was hidden behind the masquerade of the well-behaved, quiet and mellow housewife that Vision had built from an early age. 

“Isn’t it fantastic to start discovering what you are capable of? What can you really do? Who can you love?”

Wanda clenched her eyes close, feeling the tears rolling down her face. The last question made her heart jump and her stomach shrank with the sheer emotion of the real meaning behind such a question. Who could Wanda love…Who could be that one person she could love that would never make her feel the way she felt before.

The room drowned in a tense silence, without meaning to, and actually without thinking clearly about anything else Wanda lowered her teary gaze to the mobile she had dropped on the table. The screen popped up with a myriad of messages that had a single name on it.

A detail that had not escaped Hope at all, and that Wanda had evaded the moment the conversation turned to personal.

But now…Y/N’s name was a constant reminder that Wanda had been experimenting emotions she never thought possible.

And fear was still holding her back, and she was still denying herself the possibility of digging deeper into what she was feeling for the woman she had come across by chance. Wanda grabbed the phone in her hands, and with a tear rolling down, she put it away trying to hide the part of herself that Y/N had brought to the surface without meaning to.

_____________________________________________________________

Next chapter: Wanda's secret is out. Everyone has a plan, America is a fool and Kate decides that she can't wait for her any longer. There is a new player, and Wanda and Reader fell right into the schemes everyone prepared for them.

[othernaut]

"Why Are They Like That?" Scavengers Reign edition:

Chris, Barry, and Terrence show distinct reactions to having all lived through trauma. I recognize my own reactions so keenly through every one of them.

Barry distracts himself. The world is surface-level and wonderful because it's all so incredibly temporary. I read him as being in a practically permanent level of dissociation; I wouldn't be surprised if he's older than he reads. He refuses to think about loss because one little prick in the balloon sends all the rage and pain screeching out. I also read him as autistic, but his childishness seems to me more as an urge to live in a world where the loss isn't, same way you'd hide from a violent home by putting on headphones and playing a video game.

Chris rationalizes the loss, tries to pick it apart, find an explanation. She holds a deep, abiding belief in rituals, mantras, and philosophy, as keeping loss at an intellectual level means the pain is far less acute. Her confidence is an incredibly thick shell, but it's still a shell, and it's grown to the level where she's able to maintain unity in her group but probably won't be able to stand up to a challenge of leadership. That's when she falls apart - when she's proven wrong not by circumstances, but by an argument she can't refute. And she needs that proof to grow - otherwise, well, she gives off very strong cult leader vibes.

Terrence is people- and community-focused. His drive is to acknowledge pain and make sure no one feels the same things he did. This leads to personal recklessness as, well, we've seen. He wants to find a way for everybody to be happy and he will give all of himself that there is in order to make that happen. His weak sense of self won't stand up to a bad call or challenge the status quo, but it will slip in through back doors and cracked windows and offer comfort wherever he can, regardless of deservedness.

It's questionable how much of the Healer Woman was still in there. Likely the same muteness/deafness happened to her husband and his death, given her eventual state, was unnecessary. She likely had the same drives and opinions she did before infection, as the parasite doesn't seem to want to interfere too much in who its hosts are, just what they do to serve it.

Which is why Sam's mania and renewed vigor read as weird. We haven't seen very much of his past, but there's something curiously military in how he interacts with others - specifically, I think his focus on his friends and comrades as well as his decision to work his very dangerous Space Captain job comes from not being able to adjust to civilian life. He's thought about dying; he expects it. What's intolerable to him is the long, slow, banal details of getting groceries and making small talk. It's everyone else's normal life that he finds offputting and unreal.

Which is why it's so precarious, how much Ursula needs him. We know even less of her past than we do of Sam's; she seems more a part of the planet than she is her own life. She, and the Healer Woman (y'now, before) were the only ones who interacted with Vesta like scientists, and I read Ursula's gratitude as much as a need to connect as what it is on the surface. She's also the only cast member I get straight-up depression vibes from. It's an ironic thing, that she'd be best suited to survive Vesta on her own but, also, least likely to be able to stand the solitude.

Azi is the toughest member of the cast, no question, but we see her exceptional adaptation to solitude even on the Demeter. She cares for people - very deeply, in fact - and seems to need to be loved, but is comfortable keeping that love at a far remove, as a fact to be considered in solitude rather than something that needs to be constantly reinforced. This speaks to me as a curiously sci-fi thing - the notion that knowing people are out there, knowing they love you, but being unable to touch them, unable to confirm it. Which is why she was so comfortable seeing Levi as an object; if Levi was a person, then that came with all the complications a person usually does. And why it was so comforting to see her do the right thing once she realized Levi's sentience.

Levi...

I still hold out hope for mold-Levi.

Finally, Kamen. He's a dick, absolutely - but I read his dickishness as stemming more out of pretty much constant panic rather than anything else. You can read it in his movements, in how he speaks, in how even in his few moments of happiness he seems ready to back away and redirect at even the slightest hint of doing the wrong thing. He is in constant, complete terror of losing everything, so much so that his fumbling, destructive actions bring about the loss he's so desperate to avoid. His non-action over the last... Four episodes? Complete shutdown.

I know he doesn't "deserve" it, but I'm honestly hoping for a redemption for Kamen. These kinds of panic disorders rarely get any kind of media play, and when they do, they're either fixed by a pat on the shoulder and a "there there, don't be cry", or just continue on, unsolvable. I want to see what the other side of this looks like. I don't think he should die for his sins - I want him to live with them, to spend many long days in the same room with them. I want him to try to make things right and, when he can't because it's not like pushing a "fix things" button, to keep at it for the rest of his life. This, to me, is punishment.

[admiringlove]

part one.

[19:12] . . .

suna thinks he's lost his mind. or maybe, you've taken all his senses with you when you left that night. maybe he's slowly going crazy—sort of like the main character of that one show you love to watch. the schizophrenic lady slowly losing her senses but not understanding what's going on.

perhaps calling himself crazy would be an overstatement. but you had him confused and dazed, nonetheless.

he thinks he's done something wrong. but he doesn't know what it is. why else would you leave in the middle of the fucking night after the things you two had done together? he's sitting in the living room, one hand in his hair and phone in the other. he's texting osamu, telling him about your amorous endeavors from that night. it had been roughly two weeks since then. and if he was correct(and not borderline insane), you hated his guts.

he wasn't sure why, though. had he not performed well? when the two of you had done "it", did he not please you? what was the issue here? you didn't sound like you hated it, in fact, you sounded quite the opposite throughout.

his phone rings. it's osamu.

"hey-"

"you did what with [y/n]?!" suna has to move the phone away from his ears for that one. his eyebrows knot as he puts the call on speaker, not understanding why osamu of all people is having such an outburst. it's usually atsumu who's the annoying one with no sense of rationality.

"we um," rintarō's face flushes red. he even hides his face with his palms, even though his grey-haired best friend can't see him, "we had sex."

"oh my fuckin' god," the younger miya twin throws more profanities on the phone, but rintarō chooses to tune them out. but then osamu continues, "do ya even know what ya've done? are ya stupid? do ya have no common-fucking-sense? sunarin, for fuck's sake, how can ya be less emotionally intelligent than a fuckin' celery?"

"stop swearing at me, you jackass!" the middle-blocker picks up his phone, almost yelling into it. he then narrows his eyes, lips pursed as he asks, "what exactly did i do wrong?"

"ya do fuckin' realize," suna assumes what osamu's doing is taking a bite out of an apple between his sentences, "ya had a girlfriend a month ago. a pretty fuckin' serious one, at that."

"oh," suna's train of thought stops. oh, shit. fuck, fuck, fuck. what the hell had he done? oh my god.

"yeah, 'oh'. what the bloody hell were ya thinking?" osamu swears again. but this time, rintarō thinks he might've deserved it. all of it. you ignoring him, osamu swearing at him, that nagging feeling at the back of his throat. and that pang in his chest when you left with your things at four o'clock in the fucking morning.

"ya do realize, [y/n] prolly feels more like shit than you do. they haven't spoken to me or 'tsumu after that night. i thought they dropped off the face of the earth until akaashi-san said they were havin' some kinda crisis so they were busy. turns out [y/n] hasn't been showin' up for lectures either," osamu drones on for a few minutes. then it strikes suna. he hadn't even bothered to give you an explanation about why he broke up with his girlfriend.

or actually, she broke up with him. because of you. his mind wavers at the memories of that night where she called him to the local diner to tell him off. she even told everyone it was a mutual break-up and that it didn't work out. he was just glad she fell out of love with him before he accidentally broke her heart. she had every right to do what she did. he was a total, complete twat who didn't know what he was doing. he had hurt so many people, because in actuality, he was just as emotionally stupid as atsumu.

to be honest, even atsumu isn't this stupid. suna has to give that guy some credit.

"what do you even feel about [y/n], sunarin? do ya like them? or didja use them 'cause you were bored 'n wanted ta get yer dick wet?" the accusation makes the middle-blocker wince.

"jesus christ, give me some credit, dude. of course i like them. you know, i never told any of you this, but michi broke up with me because of [y/n]."

"wait, hold on, what? what the fuck?"

"yeah, um," suna hates admitting that he's wrong. gosh, he has to, though. he's done enough. he doesn't want to hurt you any longer, "apparently, i was in love with [y/n] all along and didn't know it."

"oh my god," osamu literally gives up. rintarō can hear his friend facepalm through the phone, "yer such a screwed up person, man. didja even bother telling them this?"

"about that-"

"ya didn't tell 'em. wow. what else could i expect from someone with the emotional range of a fuckin' goldfish? just cut the damn call, already. i got shit to do. and go tell [y/n] all of this or i'll break yer legs the next time i see ya." beep, beep, beep.

he actually ended the call himself. huh, suna thinks to himself. but then he tosses his phone into the pocket of his sweats, pulls on a hoodie, and leaves his apartment.

he's not coming back without making it up to you. no fucking way. all the while that he's driving to your place, he curses at himself for being such a complete and utter dunce. and when he finally stands outside your door, his hands are sweaty and shaking. he's never even been this nervous for a match.

he knocks thrice. dum, dum, dum. then twice, dum, dum. then once, dum.

this was how you guys had communicated in high school. when something went terribly wrong and you needed each other's company. three, two, one. slowly. this was how he'd knocked on the door of the broom closet after school when you were inside having a panic attack. it was how you'd knocked on his bedroom door after they'd lost the match to karasuno in second year.

"go away, rin," you croaked from the inside, "i don't wanna see you."

"'course you don't. i'm an asshole," he says, "but i know where the spare key is and i'll trespass on you if you don't open this door right now."

the door opens a mere second later. you stand there in an oversized tee and shorts, hair a complete mess and eyes glassy. your under-eyes had swollen up too. this was all... because of him?

"the fuck do you want now? more sex?" you ask crudely. he almost scoffs, but he's clearly in the wrong here. you were his best friend. you had the right to abuse him like this because he'd used you. hell, you should be saying more than things like this.

"i'm sorry," he tries to hold your hand, but you move away from him. he feels his heart crack and his throat close up, but he continues, "do you know why michi and i broke up?"

"oh god, " you scoff, "if this is why you're here. please leave."

"listen to me," he holds your shoulders. you visibly look agitated and angry. you have every right to, of course. but you have to hear this. he has to say this. he goes on, "michi left me. i didn't leave her but she left me. don't you want to know why?"

"let me guess, she got fed up with your piece-of-shit attitude?" you walk away, to the kitchen as you turn on the coffee-maker. he chases after you, grabbing you by your shoulders again. you almost push him off.

"because i love you, goddamnit!" he shakes you lightly, "do you understand? she wasn't you. she understood that from the very beginning! that's she why left me."

"oh," you blink slowly, drinking it in, "oh."

"'oh'? that's all you have to say?"

"oh please, rintarō," you roll your eyes, "i've been in love with you since freshman year of high-school and you didn't fucking notice. you are genuinely the most stupid person i have ever met. you know, atsumu knew from the very beginning. he's an idiot, sure, but he's actually really smart when he wants to. osamu knows too- why are you looking at me like i'm a terrorist or something?"

oh. what the heck?

"you were in love with me for five years and didn't even bother saying anything? even the fucking twins know? you do realize, this whole thing could've been avoided if you had just told me you liked me before i said okay to that date with michi a few months ago."

"hey, you don't get to come here and tell me i've done something wrong when you realized you were in love with me because michi, of all people, told you. you didn't have the balls to do that part on your own? instead, you come and sleep with me-"

"i thought that made it very clear that i liked you, come on-"

"absolutely not."

"not even a little bit?"

"no."

"oh come on," he nudges as you pour yourself coffee, "maybe a little?"

you smile. he mentally lets out a huge sigh.

"fuck you, yeah, maybe a little," you mutter. he wants to punch the air and kick it and jump around as if he's five-years-old again. because what the hell? he bickered with you and that's all it took to make you smile. holy shit, he thinks.

"go on a date with me," he slides his arms around your waist in the kitchen. you chuckle, holding back a laugh, "no."

"come on, please?" he whines into your ear, placing a chaste kiss on your shoulder, "just five minutes of your time next weekend. i promise it'll be worth it."

"five minutes?" you look back, an eyebrow raised, "you sure? i'll put a timer on my phone and everything."

"shut up," he tells you. then, you grin, "make me."

notes: then they kiss, kiss, fell in love.

© all works belong to admiringlove on tumblr. plagiarism is strictly prohibited.

[mariajmajesty]

All nighter buddies, gym buddies, Buddy system in the miltary together, cooking together, spending holidays and vacations together, birthdays, sharing the same circle of close people like a tattoo artist and a boxing coach. Jungkook and Jimin bond is special

It's called having a boyfriend

If they are off camera together and on camera together and tend to do things that couples usually do on times and hours couples usually spend time in..

I know I keep saying that I don't know what they are to each other (because we don't) but I can't magine being Jungkook boyfriend or girlfriend wanting to spend time with him before enlistment when he finally have some free time in the few weeks he got left and he goes No can do. I'm flying to Tokyo with Jimin again despite me also seeing him for the next 18 months and getting similar treatment on his birthday or on white day or for his debute in NY or for Chuseok or random nights when they aren't working together for band content. It is possible they have partners with them when do they certain things together like flying abroad but it is very unlikely they have them around at all the times jikook are together so the amount of time and the amount of questionable moments jikook had mixed with other partners just don't add up for me and is extremely weird. I think they are sharing something beyond just friendship and that's why there's such a huge pushback against them from the fandom and that is why people were so weird out by him binge watching Jimin when he had lots of spare time. Haters can cry about hybe cameras as much as they want but there aren't hybe cameras in the military and the same official content we get is the only content that exists for the other bonds so if they think one is fake all of them are by default. I don't care about the cult anymore or other shippers because they are all making clowns of themselves at this point and they aren't worthy of my attention because I know they lie for the sake of lying and seething inside so people like that should be ignored. Some type of a romantic bond between jikook is the only rational healthy assumption I can think off to explain years of jikook being as they are mainly the latest years. It's either that or they have an unhealthy friendship where they spend an unhealthy amount of time together to a point that it would be awkward to have a romantic connection with other people and they'd have to have hard time in other areas in their personal lives as well because that is usually the case when you are that emotionally invested in one person in your late 20s and 30s. And since both stated they are in a good place in their lives and moved on from certain rough times they had (with friends, work things, stress..) I don't think they have an unhealthy friendship. I think it's the other thing. They aren't kids anymore and they know what they do and how it comes across. The alternative explanations make much less sense than the romantic one.

[miss0atae]

4Minutes a science-fiction story with near death experience and time travel (Ep 1):

I recently watched the first episode of 4Minutes. I finally found how to do it. I was really anticipating this series. I thought I knew what the story would be. I read the synopsis, I read other posts about it, I saw the pictures and the gifs and I made my own story in my mind. I don't know for you, but I can never stop myself from imagining what the story can be. As long as I have few information about a story, my mind is already working and trying to convince me about how the story will be told. After watching the episode there is one thing that it's true: I knew nothing. Let me explain, what I imagine it would be, wasn't what I watched. Don't get me wrong, I really appreciate what BOC is trying to do with its BL stories. Kinnporsche was this revisited mafia story, Dead Friend Forever played with the tropes of teen horror movies and now 4Minutes is showing us a mix of noir fiction and science-fiction. I wasn't expecting it and I find it truly interesting to see what they can do. I appreciate how they never use the same formula story for their projects and how they try to give us something different. So I'm not going to review the episode because so many people did it better than me. I just want to talk about why I consider 4Minutes to be a noir science-fiction story at its core and how the link between near death experience and time travel make sense together .

Let's start with saying what is a noir fiction and what is science-fiction and then we'll see why I think it works for 4Minutes. A noir fiction is a genre that really changed a lot. However there are some recurring characteristics: a corrupt system, corrosive effect of money, absurdity of the existence and psychological instability. I would also say that you can also find a mix of violence and sex too as it's often links to the Human condition. In 4Minutes, Great our main protagonist comes from a family who runs a company that serves as a cover for their illegal business. In this first episode, the patriarch of the family is entrusting his first son, Great's older brother Korn, into the “investment department” where most of their illegal business is occurring. We learn that the family has made their fortune through this means. Korn doesn't reject the idea. He is only fearing the difficulties to manager this new job. Is he accepting it because he believes it's right or because he doesn't have another choice… it remains to be seen. Korn and Great's family environment isn't really good. The two brothers, despite being half-brothers are close, but Great is avoiding his parents. As for Korn, he seems to hide them a part of his life such as his relationship with Tonkla (is it because it's a man or because they have this vibe of sugar baby/sugar daddy, we don't know yet). About Great, we know he is drinking and smoking, so mostly he doesn't have a healthy lifestyle and his parents usually have to save him when he mess up. At the beginning of the story, Great is experiencing his first 4minutes time travel that will remain the central plot of the story. This experience puts him in a psychological distress as he can't find a rational explanation to it.

Which leads me to why I believe the story is also from the science-fiction genre. Great is experiencing precognition and time travel and those are topic of undiscovered scientific possibilities you can usually find in science-fiction. It allows the characters and the viewers to experience speculative events. The premise of time often involves changing history or the future. As for now, Great can go back in the past 4 minutes. He only experienced it few times in the episode so he and us, don't know yet how everything is working or why is he experiencing it. Usually, time travel is about altering the past and see how it changes the future to create an altered present or future. The first time, it happened to Great he didn't avoid the woman, but she wasn't as hurt as she was supposed to be. The second time, it changed his first meeting with Tyme. Will Great do more change when he'll accept his new power or will he tries to avoid it? How is it really working? We'll have more answers in the next episodes. I wonder if the story will focus on the paradoxes and alternate timelines or if it's going to be more about contemporary and social issues. The latter works well with the noir fiction, but it's still too early to draw any conclusion. The first episode just set the plot, but also showing us some characters and their links together. I feel we still haven't seen everything.

Then we have another part that was developed in the story and it's near death experience (NDE). I believe it links together the number 4 (Great goes back 4 minutes in the past with his time travel power) and the idea of a time warp as an imaginary spatial distortion. Through this spatial distortion the character could possibly change the past and therefore change the present and the future. I will try to make it simple because it seems easy in my head, but I'm not sure I'll be able to write it properly. So firstly, the number four is considered unlucky in Thai culture, as it is in other cultures too. It is associated with death and bad luck. The Thai word for four, “si,” is also a homophone for the word “death.” Then, we have Dr. Den (a co-worker of Tyme) who is working on NDE by interviewing people who faced it. Their comments are common traits reported by NDErs: a bright light above, a sense of awareness, an out-of-body experience, being(s) dressed in white, receiving a life review… Most NDErs when “coming back” feel a change of attitudes and behaviors. It doesn't mean all of them are positive (I feel like it could be associated with Great's psychological answer after discovering his power). It's also important to notice that Great started to get his power of going back to the past 4 minutes ago, after he hit a woman who wanted to die. So his power of “time travel” is linked to death. I wonder if the series is questioning the paradox of Time: is death the end of time and does time has any end? If we can manipulate the time, can we manipulate death and consequently life too? Maybe I'm trying to find something too complicated in here, but I like that it made me do all these researches. I'm sure it's not a coincidence between all these plot sets, but we'll probably get more answers in the next episodes.

I think BOC is really putting a challenging story and I can’t wait to see how they will do it.

[stydiaandthejeep]

Yet another The bear headcanon rattling around my scrambled brain

If Sydney noticed a shift in the air after the night of friends and family, when she later found out Carmy had broken up with his girl friend through a fridge door, she did not dwell on it. Seeing Claire that night, witnessing him step out, losing his attention all over again - it scraped against her like a dull knife. But she was being pulled in a hundred million directions at once, struggling to keep her head above water, so it was easier to push down. The way he'd looked at her under the table. The texts he hadn't replied to. How she sometimes felt like she had lost her grip on reality when the intensity in his eyes told her one thing, but his actions were a shrill scream in her ears.

In the quiet of the kitchen, late at night, it's harder to push down. The only other sounds besides the scraping of her rag against the tiles is the muffled voices of Nat and Carmy, possibly arguing about something in the front. It's harder and harder to stay professional and detached when she gets nothing but attention from Carmy these days, who's quiet and steady and always at her side - pushing her, listening to her suggestions, being there way earlier than everyone else and walking out last. She knows it is all for the good of the restaurant, for the sake of not crashing and burning, but the attention gets so blurry that it hurts. Did he really need to spend all their free days with her in his crowded kitchen? Were all the touches necessary , passing her by or leading her into a room? She had no idea where his guilty conscience began and where them ended. She had caught him observing her often, like he was studying for a difficult test, and struggled to find a rational explanation for it. She mused over this, spacing out until she'd heard him call her name, softly, and she'd scrambled to get up and hide how red her cheeks had become.

"Yes, chef?"

His expression changed for just a second, before he cleared his throat and started fidgeting with some cutlery that had been laid out neatly. " Uh, great job today. You can head home. "

She didn't know what she expected, but her chest filled with sickly disappointment. For an instance, his eyes there -

Syd nodded, started to gather her things, cursed herself for wanting more all the damned time. She went to pass him, wanting to say goodnight to Nat, when she felt her hand being softly gripped by his, the momentum forcing them to lock eyes. Her breath hitched, stuck in her throat.

" Actually, I wanted to tell you something, Syd." He sounded nervous - more than usual, and he was avoiding her eyes now, but their calloused hands still held one another. In the small space between them, Sydney felt like she would combust at any minute. Like the lines were blurred again, pulverizing into mist. "But I've been way too fucking scared of it, and afraid I'd fuck things up between us again when I know , I know I can't afford to. Because I can't do this without you."

" The restaurant?"

Carmy scoffed, incredulous. "Yeah, that too."

" I'm also not the best person to be around - to rely on, and you deserve better. But I feel like I'm going crazy, well, crazier than usual, Syd, I want -"

In the quiet, she could hear her pulse banging in her chest, feel her skin burn where he was touching her, so softly it was almost like he wasn't there. Her voice dropped to a whisper, afraid of startling him.

" What do you want, Carmy?"

"Syd!"

Nat's voice crashed into their little bubble, and she jumped from where she stood, just inches away from him, struggling to adjust her voice back to something casual. "Yeah?"

" I'll be in the car if you still want a ride home. Make sure you two lock up."

She loved Nat, but that was one of the rare moments that Syd wanted to strangle her. Carmy had gone back to his guarded stance, a few more steps between them, but the burning in the surface of her skin hadn't dulled. She knew he would pretend nothing had happened but that she would lose sleep over it. They quietly moved around, flickering the lights off, putting on their coats. In the sharp coldness of the outside air, he walked behind her, stopping in front of Nat's car. " Let me cook for you, okay? Next time we have a day off."

When she turned around, there was a shy smile hidden around a lit cigarette. It felt dumb and childish, but she felt the need to ask, "Like, to try out a new recipe for the menu, or?"

He smiled again, this time real and bright and blinding, no bluriness in his voice. "No, just for you, chef."

She nodded, biting her lip in order to not break out into a goofy grin. She'd have no choice but to think about the blue of his eyes all the way home, struggling not to text him that she wanted him, too.

[depravitymoon]

Yandere Bucci Gang by Mental Instability

Mental instability: How normal do they look to society?

1 is you'd think they're normal.

5 is having moments of insanity slip through.

10 is everyone sees a walking red flag.

Trish 1/10

Giorno 2/10

Bruno 4/10

Narancia 5/10

Mista 6/10

Fugo 7/10

Abbacchio 7/10

Explanations below

Acts normal

Trish - Trish is just a normal girl, so she does know how to act in public. Yandere Trish, I imagine as a prima donna. She wants you and she wants to be the center of your world. If it means ruining your life to make that happen, she will. Don't worry, she'll be there to comfort you. However, she'll sabotage your life by ruining your reputation, so I imagine she does need to act as normal as possible.

Giorno - Canonically, most stable because he rarely acts out in public unless there's a dire situation. With Yan!GioGio, I imagine he tries to keep a normal demeanor. As Don, he might have a power trip, but I doubt that would last. He's able to charm people out their belongings, he can totally charm you into believing he's not crazy.

Has their moments

Bruno - Charming guy, but honestly, he is not stable considering his backstory and how he licks people to tell if they're lying. Canonically, he beats people in public and is very nonchalant when his crew was beating on an obvious civilian, even allowing them to stuff the mam with potentially poisonous food. Also, the blurted out that he and his crew was trying to find Diavolo in broad daylight where the enemy can easily spot them. If it wasn't for the fact Bruno is canonically loved by the locals, I would deem him too mentally unstable to be normal in society. Yandere Bruno might not act differently in terms of his private and public antics.

Narancia - Canon Nara is okay. Yeah, he burnt down street and explode cars, but it was in a dire situation. He also freaked out when he realized he was beating on a civilian. With Yandere!Nara, I imagine he's too childish to keep a stable demeanor if you reject his clinginess. He will pout, he will shout, he will lash out. He might also stab. Being delusional does not help.

Mista - Homeboy was randomly stealing people's money outside of theaters, willing to almost die to do so, and boldly stood up against a bunch of armed men. Also, in Trish's body, he was willing to touch private parts in public and blurt out very private information about Trish. Definitely not stable. Yandere Mista is delusional, so he will rationalize his actions of committing violence in broad daylight. He's only in this category because he seems laidback enough to not have people be constantly cautious of him.

Walking Red flags

Fugo - His outbursts are a problem and in the anime backstory, he warned that his temper gets so bad that it might kill Bruno. Also, Abbacchio had to keep Fugo from going off the deep end with his emotions twice in the anime. Most importantly, we're introduced to him violently beating up his own best friend over being a little shit about math. Then casually apologized as if he and Narancia weren't about to fight to the death. Yandere Fugo still has outbursts.

Abbacchio - Willing to pee in teapots in public, viciously beat a man in public and when he found out the man was an innocent civilian, forced fed the man food to see if it's poisoned. Gonna be honest, Abbacchio does not strike me as stable. Yandere Abbacchio would be plagued with depression and paranoia that you'll be abandon him like so many others have, either through death or being disappointed in him.

I rated both Fugo and Abacchio a 7, but I think Abbacchio's slightly worse. Fugo attempts to be better. Abbacchio actively seeks to act unhinged.

[hyakinthou-naos]

Hi, I’ve been a Hellenic for a while, and for the whole time, I often hear the Gods’ voices, it’s not like actually hearing them, but I just sense what they want to tell me, but it’s not with feelings, like literally words

(Sorry I couldn’t explain myself that well, English isn’t my first language)

Dear Anon,

Thank you for you ask/comment; I would assume your words are in reference to This Post where I discuss the idea of “speaking to” and “hearing” The Gods.

While your ask is short, and I don’t have the full context of what you are trying to say, I would venture to say that what you’re experiencing is not “hearing the gods” and instead you are experiencing a form of Clairaudience that I refer to as “Intuitive Insight”

Intuitive Insight: Receiving knowledge or messages internally without rational reasoning, often attributed to a spiritual source.

Often you will see this type of communication expressed in the wider HelPol/Tumblr community as a form of “hearing” - when that isn’t exactly the most accurate term to use.

Hearing, in this context, involves auditory information/spoken word. If you cannot hear The Gods speaking the same way that you can hear your friend speak - then I would argue the term “hear/hearing” doesn’t apply.

Of course language is nuanced - and as someone who only speaks English, I cannot comment on how the meaning of words might be different in other languages.

But back to Intuitive Insight: I often experience a similar sensation. As an example, sometimes I will be walking through my backyard and I will see a yellow flower among the grasses. My internal monologue (the words I think in my head when I am not speaking out loud) will shift - I will think “Lord Apollo wishes for me to place that flower on his altar” or alternatively I will think in the first person “Place that flower on my altar”.

Either/both of these thoughts seem to come from outside of me (similar to an intrusive thought but not destructive or harmful). In moments like these, I will attribute the thoughts to be coming from Lord Apollo, but I do not have proof or evidence of this outside of my own feelings and intuition.

I could be wrong, but I believe that it is these thoughts that others are often quoting when they post about The Gods “speaking” to them.

It is an internal, intuitive conversation that feels similar to hearing and speaking - but without the external sensory input.

That is, at least, my perspective on the matter.

I would love to hear if this explanation resonates with anyone (including Anon) or if your experience is different.

As a final note: if you begin to experience auditory and/or visual hallucinations (or experiences akin to hallucination) - I do not care how positive or benign they may seem - PLEASE seek psychiatric care IMMEDIATELY. That is not divine intervention or divine guidance, it is a mental health crisis that needs urgent attention.

Here is a Reddit post that lists some international help lines.

Eirene, peace and farewell.

- Aön

[425599167]

People experienced with Fallout: New Vegas can easily figure out how to destroy the Brotherhood of Steel without causing Veronica to stop being a companion, but I've realized that's probably the cruelest thing you can do to Veronica. Maybe even the cruelest thing you can do in the game, period. Yes, even worse than letting the White Glove Society cook and eat Veronica. There are countless opportunities for senseless violence and ways to betray the other companions, but this is the player character hurting someone, lying to her for presumably the rest of her life, then rationalizing it away via genuine affection.

In this scenario, the Courier is choosing to kill everyone Veronica has ever known, people she considers her entire family. But the Courier doesn't want to lose Veronica's companionship, and so kills all those people discreetly so she'll never know what happened and will keep being friends with the person who did it. That is horrifying. People just don't think about it because the focus is always on how to exploit the game's mechanics instead of how it wrecks the roleplaying because there's no scenario where it doesn't make the Courier evil.

If you don't really like Veronica and recruit her for pragmatic reasons, you've completely destroyed her life and manipulated her for... what? A mobile workbench? A bullet sponge?

If you're fighting the BoS as part of the main quest, such as for Mr. House, you value Veronica enough to keep her around, but not enough to defy your new master for her. Or you don't have the guts to accept you are becoming her enemy, which she will tell you if your reputation drops too low.

If you want to protect the Mojave and Veronica from the BoS after her questline ends with them massacring innocent people, it still involves going behind her back and doing this "for her own good". Done without her knowledge, because she wouldn't agree no matter the justification. If you destroy the BoS before meeting Veronica, then tell her you killed them all, she does not ask for an explanation and immediately becomes hostile.

If you adore Veronica and imagine her as the Courier's friend, it adds a disturbing dimension of emotional abuse as the Courier murders everyone who could come between them and their "friend". Now she'll never leave you because you are all she has left.

What have I done. Eugh, I think this is what being Anakin Skywalker feels like.

[casanovawrites]

FROM season 2 sentence starters (part 2)

we can’t have new people stealing what little food we have.

you fucking stabbed me!

they probably all think you’ve gone crazy.

you’re talking to a figment of your imagination. but hey, sometimes crazy is the most rational response you could have.

you tried. not every story gets a happy ending.

it’s real, and i’m fucking terrified.

you’re okay. you’re okay. look at me.

i’m not really good with blood.

i can feel them. even if i can’t see them, i can feel them.

you wanna play games? i’m right here. i’m ready.

i told my mom and dad i wasn’t scared. but i am.

i’m a little scared, too. but guess what? that’s a good thing.

fear is something that lives inside us, just like hope or joy or love. they’re all things that make us special. but fear might be the most important one of all because without fear, we wouldn’t know how to be brave. fear is what makes us heroes.

i should’ve listened to you. i should’ve trusted you.

you’re about to willingly bring something evil into your home.

i know you want all this to make sense, i know you want there to be a rational explanation. 

what’s the point of being friends if we can’t BE friends?

you’re shivering. here. 

it’s dead. how is it going to hurt us?

all i do here is put broken things back together. 

yeah, i’m scared. i’m fucking terrified. that’s why i need you in there with me. i can’t do this without you.

we’re in this together, remember? you and me.

i love you. and all i want is for you to be happy. but i can’t watch you do something that might get you killed.

what if this place is trying to torture me, mock me?

we have seen a lot of horrible, impossible shit here. we just assume anything impossible that happens here is bad.

you met the love of your life in the middle of your worst fucking nightmare.

a miracle is just the other side of a nightmare.

you’re not being punished. maybe this is just a scary place where fucked up shit happens, and there’s no explanation why.

when things change here, it’s usually bad.

this was our chance. it couldn’t have been for nothing.

this place, it’s like as soon as you start to think, ‘you know, maybe today i won’t go insane,’ something new comes along, and it’s like, ‘hey, wait ’til you see this!’

i’ve just accepted that i’m never going to be comfortable again.

i’m gonna be all right, you know? you don’t have to worry about me.

what if the answers are out there, we just didn’t go out far enough?

there’s no place for me here. no one even wants me here.

there’s a difference between going out there and running away from here.

is it just physically impossible for you not to be an asshole for 10 minutes?

what this place did to you, it isn’t fair.

people shouldn’t go looking for answers. they don’t come back.

bad things happen here no matter what.

i’m afraid to remember.

i got so used to being scared, it just felt normal.

are you honestly saying that our fucking dreams can hurt us now?

things here feel different now. they feel wrong.

this place feeds on our pain. but what if it does more than that? 

i’m not planning on dying here tonight.

i’m not going to lose another person to ‘probably.’

i’m not listening to this shit all fucking night, okay?

everything is a story, and we’re the ones who decide how it ends.

i know it’s painful for you, seeing me every day.

i know what i’ve done. i’ll never be able to take it back. i ruined people’s lives.

i didn’t ask for any of this. 

you think you’re the only one who lost something? i’ve lost everything. 

everything i was, and everything i could have been, is gone.

this place destroyed the only person i ever get to be, and i’m tired. i’m tired of being afraid, and i’m tired of being ashamed. 

i don’t want to be here anymore. i don’t want to be your monster anymore. i just want it to be over.

it’s like trying to imagine a jigsaw puzzle without all the pieces.

we can’t just sit here hoping for the best. 

i don’t need a fucking reminder of what’s at stake.

why do people ask if i’m okay, when the answer’s obvious?

let’s get married. today. we have no idea what’s going to happen.

if this is the end, then i want it to end with you.

how far are you willing to go to find answers?

you know what, motherfucker? i’m not here to pray. 

all i am is a dumb motherfucker who keeps getting people killed.

is this how it ends?

i actually allowed myself to believe that there was a plan to all of this. that there was something we were meant to do here. 

we’re all going to die here, and all of this would’ve been for nothing.

did i say give up? this might be the last few hours any of us get. 

life is a journey through the unknown. though your eyes and mind sometimes deceive you, your heart will never lie.

my heart’s belonged to you since the moment i met you. you’re the love of my life, for as long as that life may last.

there has been so many times here when i felt like i was stumbling in the dark. but each and every time, you were the light that guided me through.

you are my love. you are my home. you are my light in dark places. 

they’re all going to die screaming.

hope is what makes you willing to suffer. 

it’s not your fear that feeds the forest. it’s hope.

[eerna]

Hi there, i would love to know your opinion about the Nimona movie compared to the comic? What they did worse or better? And which you liked better overall. ❤️

UhuhUHU okidoki here I go. Fair warning I might be off because I haven't rewatched the movie or reread the comic yet.

The comic is pretty similar regarding the broad strokes of the story, but entirely different in the moral of the story? And the themes are different as well. It's aimed at young adults/adults, while the movie is aimed at kids. There's blood and the characters aren't as pure or righteous, and the ending isn't as forgiving. But honestly, it surprised me how similar the two were, and I legit don't think I prefer either version. While there are stuff I prefer in both, both of them accomplish what they set out to do, as two totally separate things. SO I'm separating the comparisons into three categories: Neutral, Movie did it better, and Comic did it better.

Neutral:

In the comic, Ballister has been the city's villain for quite some time, and he embraces the role while still following a moral code.

Nimona kills a lot of people and he can't stop her. She is supposed to be his sidekick, but in truth, he's the one running after her and excusing her actions. I liked the aspect of "Nimona is really really not good but Ballister loves her too much to accept it" that culminates in Ballister betraying his ideals and killing someone!

Goldenloin is Ballister's nemesis, and gleefully accepts the role - he mocks him, engages in banter, and is a prick. He isn't the born-to-be-golden-child he is in the movie - in fact, as a child he used to lie to everyone that his family was important, and was bullied mercilessly for it. He shot off Ballister's arm out of jealousy!! Because Ballister was better!!!! And the scene where he realizes he has never apologized - HOW cool is that!!!!!

In the finale, Nimona is split in half, one part of her turning into a raging monster destroying the city while the other is living through her worst memories, stuck in her child form. Ballister and Goldenloin join forces to stop her, but Goldenloin wants to kill her while Ballister just wants to subdue her powers long enough to talk her down. This means he is forced to betray Nimona, but stuck between the two people he cares the most for in this world, what else was he supposed to do!! The moment he breaks down after spending the entirety of the book all rational and stoic and cold... Waaaaaah what a good heartbreak.

At the end, Goldenloin adn Ballister are considered the heroes who saved the city, and Nimona is forgotten. She's still alive, though - she still visits Ballister one last time in another person's form so he doesn't realize it's her until it's too late, and he finishes the story wondering if she'll ever be back and know he wanted to be her friend. What a cute bittersweet ending!! Loved it!!!

Movie did it better:

The comic doesn't have the societal order commentary that I really loved in the movie. I loved how the knights are basically useless, a higher class who contribute nothing but entertainment to society, which you can only enter if you're born into it. The queen decides that the class should be expanded and regular people should be able to earn the right to join it, and she is killed for it. Her idea wasn't even that revolutionary!!! She wasn't questioning its right to exist, which would have been the truly controversial way of thinking!!! And it was enough to get her dead!!! In the comic, the knights are mostly orphans anyway, a glorified police force more than the rich celebrities they are in the movie.

Parts of Goldenloin and Ballister's relationship hit harder in the movie. I prefer the "cut off his arm as an instinct because his instincts went against his heart" story from the movie. I loved how he kept seeing Ballister as a victim. I loved the tortured love.

Nimona is way more sympathetic. The comic's explanation for her personality is that she was lied to and experimented on when she was a kid, but that's as far as it goes. We are supposed to accept her as she is, and that is a really cool story, but I just really really like the way the movie flipped it into "Nimona is actually peaceful and kind, she is vilified for not staying silent when abused".

Surprisingly, the suicide angle is not present in the comic!!! That was ADDED into the kiddie version!! That heartbreaking scene with the sword and the heart isn't there, and neither is the friendship backstory, which was some of my fav stuff. I too kept asking myself how could Nimona stand to be immortal, and the movie is like. She can't. She wants to die rather than be alone. But by the end of the movie she decides to live, symbolically turning into a phoenix. Like wow thanks I'm gonna go cry in the corner now

While Ballister's innocence sometimes grated on my nerves, I enjoyed the warmer, newer-to-societal-revolution Ballister more than the experienced terrorist from the comic. The aspect of Ballister accusing Nimona of trying to turn him to her morals because she wants him to be as evil and as much of a monster as her so she wouldn't be alone!!!! Bro OUCH

The arrow scene!! It was amazing in the comic too, but I really liked the awkwardness of the movie ahhahahah

Comic did it better:

The humor!!! I enjoyed the humor of the comic so much!!! Probably because it was written with my age in mind instead of the kids, but also ND Stevenson is just really funny in that deadpan "art student writing comics" way.

Goldenloin's name. Why is that man still named Goldenloin in the movie. It is hilarious in the comic esp with his design but the movie.... WHY

While I sorely miss the "I wouldn't die, it just wouldn't be living" line, I do have to say I prefer the subtler version of explaining themes because that's just the way I roll fdjbskabjaks

Over the course of the story, Ballister finds out there is a way to put a temporary lock on Nimona's powers, keeping her stuck in one form. And in the finale, he uses it thinking it could help talk Nimona down (as opposed to Goldenloin's idea of killing her). He keeps her stuck in one form, which is something that seems entirely reasonable at the time, and when she learns it was him who has done it, she turns away from him entirely. This is SUCH a good concept and while I have no idea how it could fit into the movie, I do have to say it's a better betrayal

The battles of Ballister VS Goldenloin are much better. Less standing and clashing swords and more kicking and throwing each other out of stuff.

The board games scene. It was way funnier with how Ballister plays Nimona's game and also starts saying stupid stuff. Excellent.

Nimona's immortality is better established, and there is no overdramatic "is she dead or not" - we find out she lives right away after she "dies". I'm really impressed with how nicely it was laid down, as someone who doesn't like death fakeouts, as it is difficult to do such an ending. The drama comes from the question of whether she will let Ballister back into her life. I feel like the movie would profit from establishing her immortality better, especially since they also introducted that she can kill herself if she wishes to. Ouch my heart.

[homo-adaptionem]

Urbex Tips

Urban Exploration tips:

Learn basic first aid & bring a first aid kit.

Don't go in alone. Bring at least two other people.

Build up your strength before hand.

You need a tetanus shot every 10 years. If you haven't had one in the last 10 years, get one before you start.

If you're asthmatic, bring your inhaler.

Do research on the building / area beforehand. Figure out why it's abandoned. Learn the history. If it's condemned, find out why. Could be health reasons.

Enter at your own risk.

Tell a trusted person(s) where you're going. Give them the location of any places you're exploring. This is in case something happens, they know where you are/were going. Make sure they know who you're going with.

Hard hats. Being serious. Shit falls, even in "newer" buildings.

Wear gloves (thick leather work gloves, not that plastic faux leather shit, actual leather. not disposables, they won't do shit against glass and metal), goggles (to protect your eyes), a face mask (ideally construction-grade but the fabric types will work well enough), thick, long pants (like jeans), work or hiking boots, long sleeves, and something to cover your hair, like a beanie. If you've got long hair, put it in a ponytail and stuff it under the hat. Trust me. Also deodorant is a good idea.

Invest in a headlamp (easier than using a flashlight)

Avoid the "white 16 year old boy with friends" mentality. Don't do stupid shit because it's funny. If that floor seems unstable, avoid it. Don't smash shit. Don't jump down dark holes.

Don't steal shit. It's tempting, but I don't recommend it.

Avoid tagging / making graffiti, esp identifying graff. Again, tempting, but you can still get in trouble for it.

If someone catches you, BAIL. Don't get into a fight. Don't stick around for pigs to show up. Don't engage, just get out of there. Most of the time, urbex is trespassing.

If you find (which you probably won't) large sums of money, it might be best to report it. It could be stolen or counterfeit and get you in trouble if you use it. But ultimately it's your own choice.

If you find (which you probably won't) bloody clothing, blood-covered knives (or other weapons), or a gun, report it. Fuck pigs yada yada, but it could be connected to someone's death. Don't touch anything, don't take anything, just call the authorities and tell them where it is. I mention this because it could be connected to the assault or murder of sex workers, partners, and/or minorities.

If you find drugs (which you probably won't), report it. Don't use it. Could be laced. Not safe to use, bro, not worth it.

If you find a body(s), (which you probably won't), report it. Check for a pulse, but if the body is cold and/or stiff, call the authorities. If they're still warm, you can try CPR on them while you call for an ambulance. If they have a pulse, call an ambulance. If it looks like they're ODing, use some narcan if you've got it.

If you find Satantic imagery or whatever, 9 times out of 10 it's just teens fucking around. Like I promise you, they were probably left by some guys wanting to cause a stir or trying to make their own ARG or something.

The building isn't haunted, sorry to say. There are rational explanations for every "supernatural" thing you'll encounter. Sometimes they're the aforementioned guys. If you're superstitious, scared of the dark, easily frightened, or suffer from psychosis, you're probably gonna have a bad time.

You may encounter looters, homeless folks, addicts, and/or mentally ill/disabled folks. Try to avoid confrontation. Let them be. If they're alive and unharmed, leave them alone. If they're injured or ODing, attempt first aid (narcan, tourniquets, compresses, etc.) and call an ambulance. No pigs, just medical help.

Watch out for animals. Don't pet them. Don't hurt them. Leave them alone. Also watch out for snakes, esp in buildings with a lot of concrete or gravel.

Don't wear iconic or identifying clothing. Don't worry about looking nice. Don't wear shit you like because it WILL get torn, stained, and trashed.

Just… never assume you're alone.

Feel free to reblog with other tips.

[mbti-notes]

Anon wrote: Hi! I’m 22 F, fairly certain that I’m an INFJ. I keep seeking role models to mould myself. I want to have some source of inspiration from external sources, I am not just looking for style, I’m looking to emulate their attitude and beliefs as well.

I think this ‘need’ for me has increased after a fallout with an acquaintance who was a close friend of my friend. She used to be very bossy and controlling of my friend and if I want to interact with my friend then I had to be on the other girl’s good books so I tried to be friends with her as well.

Eventually my friend cut ties with her and I too limited my interaction with her. She thought I somehow manipulated my friend to stop talking to her and lashed out at me, calling me a ‘Chameleon’. I didn’t like it but I can’t stop thinking if it was true. I wanted to become independent and bold to be unaffected of what others think of me

Maybe this is my way of overusing Ni to find purpose/ using Fe-Ti to rationalize my behaviours by using the ‘role models’ to set internal structure and avoid hurting? I don’t want to keep looking for role models because it’s exhausting, whenever I like someone, I feel as though I’m unworthy to choose them. How do I stop doing this/searching for motivation?

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I'm a little surprised you said 22 because your way of thinking still seems a bit adolescent, in terms of ego development. Lagging development isn't abnormal or something to panic about. It's simply a sign that there needs to be some reflection or inquiry about the factors behind it. Addressing those factors is the pathway to getting personal growth going again.

Generally speaking, it's normal and healthy for kids and teens to seek out role models to emulate; it's one of the many learning methods that human beings utilize in the process of growing up into productive members of society. Observing good qualities and impressive achievements in others is a way of getting to know more about oneself and one's own good qualities and capabilities.

We can label ego development as "lagging" when, into adulthood, a person still doesn't really know themselves well enough to have formed a solid sense of self or personal identity. When you have a strong sense of self and a personal identity to express, role models mostly become obsolete except in rare cases where inspiration is needed for further personal growth. One defining characteristic of adulthood is independence, which means there is no need to rely on others to define oneself.

As such, it is indeed appropriate to be asking why you still rely on role models at 22, a time when you should already be independent. In adulthood, reliance on role models can become pathological when it's no longer about learning but more about trying to overcompensate for an unrecognized deficit in one's self. I don't know your history, so I can't give you an explanation. You'll have to reflect on it, but I can give you starter questions for reflection.

Do you have a strong sense of self? Do you have a personal identity, including your own ideas, ideals, beliefs, values, etc, that you want to express out into the world? If not, why not?

Do you understand what it means to "be yourself"? If so, why don't you (instead of trying to be someone else)? If not, then you need to do more to get to know yourself better.

It's not uncommon for this kind of lag in ego development to manifest as "chameleonism" in INFJs. Through immature Fe, many INFJs learn that it is to their advantage to be whatever others want to see in order to get the social acceptance they crave. Unfortunately, this shortcut to validation comes at a big cost of not developing a proper sense of self within. You use the word "unworthy". Low self-worth is one of the major factors behind chameleonism. You might want to read previous posts about it.