#where have all the tag games gone

[rosieblogstuff]

I was tagged by the lovely @ad-astrah to make a color palette. And it's.... very neutrals? Kinda unexciting? I'll be honest, I was expecting even more pinks.

Name color palette game: use this website to make a color palette out of your name.

This is making me think how long it's been since a tag game went around. Months??

Tagging @12percentplan @loves-2-read @floh673 @itsdeathbychocolate @impossiblepluto @improvidus

[mipexch]

been thinking about something wicked a little too much lately. no harm in romanticizing the ominous dreadful unstoppable force

[rolandkaros]

forever hilarious to me that tennis is promoted as this prestigious highbrow big-brain sport when most tennis fans these days are like. yeah this is my favorite player. yeah i don't know why they're like that. yes they are stupid. no i will not choose somebody else.

[yourgamemasterthewhiterabbit]

Both my parents actually suffer from HORRID emotional dysregulation and are prone to snapping and going into rages. My sister is the same way tbh. I am now realizing this is why they are constantly baffled by the question of whether or not I am mad at them.

I don't have external meltdowns.

I could. I don't let it happen.

I keep my rage on the inside and stay pretty quiet about it. It's just as strong as theirs [physically shaking nose bleed from high blood pressure kind of bad], but like as a kid I saw how terrifying it was to be around [dad breaking dishes, mom putting our lawn chairs into walls] and I just internalized that I wasn't going to wear that anger on the outside.

So my mother genuinely cannot tell if I am just being quiet or if I am silently hearing the dial-up noises of pure rage. This has lead her to both making strong and confident statements like "You are a pacifist who would never hurt a fly U.U" but also acting like I am secretly dangerous maybe... It's because she has never seen me snap.

She knows what her temper is like [throwing chairs through walls], she knows what my father's temper is like [pick up child and toss out door], and she can tell I am being tested, but she doesn't know what happens when I snap or where that breaking point is.

Her -perhaps unhinged- solution to this, my whole life, has been to do things that should obviously enrage me or shut me down completely, like ignoring important boundaries, repeatedly, punishing me for expressing emotions or needs at all, etc... And then to constantly ask me if I am angry with her when I get too quiet [right after near directly telling me to shut up].

It has occurred to me now, they have never once seen me lose my temper, so they literally just can't tell if I am angry at them. My sister is easy, my mother fights and screams with my sister constantly, my mother understands this. My mother doesn't have any grasp of feelings or boundaries that are not screamed at her [apparently, and I fear my sister is the same way]. Her and my sister are close despite constant fucking fighting because they understand each other.

They are trying to get me to engage the same way and it is not working. I realize now that this has been hard for them.

I was so successfully taught to suppress my emotions, by being punished for any outburst, that rage quiet looks the same as any other kind of quiet from the outside. To them anyway.

I did tell her. For the record. I used my words. I did tell her very calmly that my response to rage, in order to avoid doing the things that terrified me as a child, was to simply leave [the autistic urge to GTFO]. When a situation or person causes too much of the dial-up rage noise, I simply extract myself from that situation, up to and including never speaking to a person again. I explained this calmly. I explained it calmly 100 times and I explained that I explain myself calmly as my rage response 1-5 [also pretty much every other negative emotion tbh], and I told her that what came next was me simply opting out and fucking off. I told her this. I couldn't understand why she never took me seriously, or why she never fucking understood.

I couldn't understand what made her like this.

But it's the same problem I have with everyone else multiplied by a factor of 10.

If I am explaining myself calmly, they can't understand that it's actually serious or that I am actually upset. ESPECIALLY because they read me as "female" and women "aren't that rational" so if I am not screaming and crying about something, which I never do, people assume I can't be upset and it isn't serious.

And then after having my boundaries ignored too many times despite having calmly explained how and why it's a problem [shaking inside or not]... I leave. I leave and everyone gets upset like this is unexpected behaviour, even though I told them 50 times that is how I would respond if they kept doing *the thing.*

And for neurotypical people especially, they are expecting there to be a disconnect between what someone says they need or feel and what their actually boundaries and feelings are, and they expect the latter to be demonstrated with emotions. Telling them bluntly you do not function that way somehow never helps?

My mother isn't just looking for normal yelling or a few tears to know I am serious, whether or not I do those either [I don't], she's looking for an explosion to know there's a problem at all.

Fucked if I know how she proceeds through life this way in general or if this is just her expectation of her own kids???

And I couldn't get why my mother couldn't read my emotions and didn't seem to think I have any. It's because she's testing for the rage limit to see where my 'actual' limit is instead of taking my word for it. Never the fuck mind that she could simply *not* test at my boundaries instead of letting me have them. Separate issue.

I couldn't figure out what made her *like this*

She's expecting me to throw a giant meltdown violent tantrum at people when I have 'actually' had enough. Maybe she got away with those being like 5'4" in another time, but I am the size of the average man, I do not get to have giant screaming rages, whether or not people perceive me consciously as a woman, and least of all because a lot of people -at least unconsciously- read me as 'masculine' or at least always "they guy" of the situation compared to all other women and some men [bigger stronger and more rational, more able to just absorb the damage and let it go so the less rational screaming/crying one doesn't have to be dealt with]. Even if it was in me to be willing to terrify people [usually never], there are such limited instances where it wouldn't just blow back on me. Potentially very dangerously.

I am going to be the quiet calm one. You are going to have to let me use my words, bitch.

So she kept ignoring my boundaries until I had to cut her out of my life, and she probably doesn't understand and probably thinks it feels sudden -after 36 long years of bullshit- abrupt and unfair.

But I told her hundreds of times.

I probably should have just screamed at her.

[try-set-me-on-fire]

Tagged by @daffi-990 for wip Wednesday! I have already begun one of the going water follow ups…

Buck is already in the kitchen when Bobby wanders up for a cup of coffee, eyes starting to burn from too long staring at paperwork in the quiet station night. It’s only around eleven, but the action’s been pretty non stop all day, Bobby thought everyone had hit the bunks while they had the chance.

“Not sleeping?”

Buck looks up, the rectangle of light from his phone acting as a spotlight on his stubble, his unstyled hair, the dark shadows under his eyes. It turns the question into an uncomfortable statement. “There’s coffee in the pot,” Buck says, even his voice a touch rougher than usual. He looks quickly back down at his phone, eyes darting back and forth to read a text. “I, uh…” he glances up apologetically before replying, quietly typing away as Bobby fills his mug and pours in the correct amount of cream and sugar. Buck’s cup looks a little darker than usual, Bobby should make sure to add his favored oat milk to the grocery list. Though maybe he’s just trying to ingest the maximum amount of caffeine he can. Bobby is sitting at a stool contemplating something quick he could whip them up for a midnight snack by the time Buck sets his phone down with a sigh. “Sorry. It’s, uh… it was a rough day yesterday. Just- just making sure everything’s going okay.”

Bobby nods, taking a sip of his drink. Only four weeks since the cruise went down, and barely two since Buck came back to work. Bobby had advocated for more time off, but Buck had wanted to save his sick days and vacation time for further into Eddie’s recovery. They’ve all been through enough serious injuries to anticipate the doctors appointments, bad therapy days, need for support during PT, but he knows it’s been rough on both of them, needing to be apart. Bobby remembers the feeling from after Athena was attacked. Hell, he feels it now: when they’re on their separate shifts he can’t help but think about being trapped in that sinking room and having no idea where his wife was, or if she was even still alive.

Tagging @iinryer @shitouttabuck @eddiebabygirldiaz @alliaskisthepossibilityoflove @gaybitcheddiediaz @bigfootsmom @chronicowboy

[velvetjune]

Spoilers for Alan Wake/Control games and DLCs: one of the things I really like in Alan Wake 2 is the confirmation that, no, Alan can’t create something out of nothing. There were implications in-story that supported that, but it was good to have that be a big part in the sequel. The AWE control dlc easily made it seem like Alan himself had a role in the events of the game and the formation of the FBC, and, personally, seeing it through that lens cheapened a lot of the game and Jesse’s story. Instead, having his writing influence the Hiss and try to manipulate (even out of desperation) Jesse/the FBC to end Hartman and get help, fit right into plot and conflicts of Alan Wake 2, with Alan being sympathetic, but also an asshole for trying to change and control people’s lives in his writing.

[foxett]

So im pretty sure this is no regular flu im pretty sure I have pertussis 🤯 (I don't have a diagnosis or a doctor but boy am i showing symptoms)

[fakecats]

just finished eternal punishment worst day of my life actually

[memento-morri-writes]

It's been well over a week now (maybe two??) but I'm still plugging away (ever-so-slowly) at this vignette about Zara and Rook. Zara's POV is a lot of fun to write, now that I have a better sense of her character. Writing this has really solidified in my mind the kind of person she is and how she acted when she was Rook's captain and mentor. She's very calm and collected in comparison to Rook, even when under a lot of stress.

Anyways, have a little snippet that I'm proud of from today, featuring the origins of the coin trick!

Pacing back and forth across her cabin floor, she rolled the coin back and forth over her knuckles again and again. The motion was easy, almost mindless, more muscle memory than real intent. The coin trick had been her favorite way to soothe her nerves for years now. She’d picked it up out of idle curiosity after watching a street performer dining in a tavern in Bon Largo, who had chatted with her for over an hour as she fretted about something mundane, never once dropping the coin from their fingers. The same performer had later tried to steal her coin purse and ended up with nothing but a new scar for their trouble, but Zara had learned two important things from the encounter: Not to trust a warm smile and a pretty face, and that keeping her hands moving kept her mind from dwelling too much on worrisome things.

one-time tagging @space-writes because they commented on my tags about Rook learning the coin trick from Zara in one of my other snippets from this piece.

[asleepinawell]

one of my main takeaways from the er dlc is that the "adding difficulty settings would compromise our vision of the game" thing is just complete bullshit coming from the devs (not that that wasn't already obvious)

because they added that! the fragment level up system as implemented was not ideal and was actually there to make the gameplay harder rather than easier (as in getting all the fragments felt like it was tuned for the base difficulty and scaled up difficulty the less you got rather than letting some people have an easier time) but they did very much add a way to scale difficulty and there are plenty of ways they could expand off that system to let players make things easier if they chose to (no one is making you use those fragments buddy)

i don't think they're ever going to do that, but now they've kneecapped their own argument for doing so and just made the whole premise of it dumber

[viulus]

I just finished the Big Encounter tm in Disco Elysium, and... Jesus fucking christ, man

[divorcedmalewife]

Tagged by @aikinn

Fave color: hmm I've been into jewel tones lately. Like sapphire and emerald.

Currently reading: i fucking wish i was reading. i keep staring at my copy of Under the Whispering Door by TJ Klune and I'm trying to will the energy to read into existence.

Last song: The First Time Ever I Saw Your Face by Gordon Lightfoot. I was listening to my current favs playlist.

Last series: To My Star 2! It was decent. I liked the first season and I think there were interesting character and relationship development choices in the second.

Last movie: oh god i cant remember the last movie I watched.

Currently working on: I currently have 7 kimchay fics I'm working on cndjkcdsjk.

1.) A canon divergence fic where when Porsche calls Porchay in the Side Story/Ep 7, he decides to tell Porchay the truth and bring him to the main family house. I just really want to play with the idea of Chay trying to keep a secret from Kim but Kim knows the truth but if Kim calls him out then Chay will know that he was lying. 2.) A fic where the Kittisawad's and the Theerpanyakul's grew up together. And Chay leaves for a year and half to study abroad and when he comes back Kim has a crisis because "oh no chay got HOT" 3.) a part three to my virginity series where Kim bottoms for the first time. 4.) a fic where I project my thirst for Kim's fighting skills onto chay. 5.) A fic im calling "Everyone's Oh Moment" where the main cast all realizes how serious Kim and Chay are about each other. 6.) an untitled fic where so far it's just Porchay and Porsche finally actually talking about their issues. 7.) an abo fic with omega kim and alpha chay (don't judge me I'm being bullied (lovingly) into writing it).

Share 10 different favorite characters from ten different pieces of media in no particular order, then tag 10 people 🎥🎬📺

1.) Kim Theerpanyakul from KinnPorsche (who is shocked he's here) 2.) Pat Jindpat from Bad Buddy 3.) Prapai from Love in the Air 4.) Lan Wangji from MDZS/The Untamed 5.) Morrigan from Dragon Age 6.) James Kirk from Star Trek 7.) Will Byers from Stranger Things 8.) Abigail from Stardew Valley 9.) Nick Nelson from Heartstopper 10.) Ann Takamaki from Persona 5

I tag @xillanelle, @pcrrycox, @jeffsaturr, @alwaysandforeverlost, @daethsticks, @andherra, @katebushgirlfriend, @vegussy, @backhand-of-the-divine and @vaughndotexe

You obviously dont have to do it if you don't want too! I just like making lists about things I like njbsajkbd. Also if you want to do this and I didn't tag you, just say I did! I love hearing about people's interests.

[kyratittyfish]

I've been tagged in the WIP tag game three times. 

This made me realise one very serious thing: I only have one WIP.

This isn't either acceptable or healthy- we all know that a WIP folder should contain at least 10 works in various stages of completion.

So, if you have any interesting prompts that I could work on to add meat to the WIP stew, those would be greatly appreciated.

Especially so if Shoker themed.

[peppermint-chocolate-cherries]

Chapters: 41/49 - Chapter 41 published April 5 2023

Basch and the other Royals interpret Tolys’s biography and the details of the spell.

Fandom: Hetalia: Axis Powers Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings Relationships: Belarus/Spain (Hetalia), Canada/Liechtenstein (Hetalia), Hungary/Switzerland (Hetalia) Characters: Spain, Belarus, South Italy, Canada, North Italy, England, Germany, Liechtenstein, Russia, America, Hungary, Switzerland, Austria, France, China, Japan, Prussia, Sealand, Lithuania, Ukraine Additional Tags: Cardverse (Hetalia), Royalty, Magic, Mystery, Drama, missing memories, Aromantic Characters

Fanfiction.Net Version HERE

Summary:

The Aces of the Deck have noticed that something is wrong.

First they realized that they are missing memories from earlier in their time as Royals. Then they started dreaming of working with another set of Royals during a war between Clubs and Spades. Those two strange “Joker” fellows showing up in mirror reflections are only making things more confusing, same for the soul of that mysterious sorcerer from centuries ago.

Which set of Royals are they each supposed to work with? Why are the Aces the only ones to remain in the same Suits? How can they set things straight again, and what is the cost to pay if they do so?

[jontheredrc]

Well, it's about that time again...and it's going to be about that time for the foreseeable future. As you may have heard, I've taken on a consistent opening shift at perhaps the most conspicuous of stations. There's a lot of pressure being implied, but I'm doing my best to not let this bother me. All I have to do is...my job, right? I stand at a register, I provide a welcoming and attentive atmosphere for customers, I ring up their carts and occasionally grumble at the poor quality of the programming I face in the store's internal systems, and...well, they're already pushing me to be more rent-a-cop about it too. Okay, so maybe the pressure does chafe sometimes. Maybe this isn't the post I'd choose, if I could so choose. But of course not--if I could choose any damn thing to do with my day, it would be writing. But this is the path that gives me enough hours to pay rent and all, and the routine my mind and body need to best face that many hours. This is how I achieve work-life balance, by coming in for an opening shift at more like the middle of my day. This is how I duck the summer heat as best I'm able, by guaranteeing myself a post indoors near a water cooler, and a commute that lines up with the sunrise. (And when I do go out in the afternoon, it's almost all downhill, and either straight home or maybe a stop at the grocery store.) This is what it takes, I'm told, so I'm at least trying.

Have a great day, everyone! Love you! May you all find a niche as best you are able, a way to fit into this harsh world of ours without being broken! 👋💕

[neverendingford]

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