#i might go to the doctor tomorrow!!! keyword might

[foxett]

So im pretty sure this is no regular flu im pretty sure I have pertussis 🤯 (I don't have a diagnosis or a doctor but boy am i showing symptoms)

[bots-and-cons]

Stuff and things

So I got the first year done in the masterlist. It’s a google docs document with links to my posts, so from past experience, make sure you’re on your own google account when opening it and not on a -let’s say- school account. I’m not really sure if it just opens the document or if it downloads it. I’ll keep updating it until it’s up to date, but that might take a few days, since it took me three days to get the first year on it. If someone could let me know if the list is working, that would be great. Obviously don’t check every link, just the one above and like one of the posts linked there

My health situation is okay I guess, I’m gonna have an gastric endoscopy done in a few weeks just to be sure there is nothing wrong. Aaaargh, I hate this, even though it isn’t really a big deal. I’m gonna keep eating the meds I was prescribed and stuff. I hate going to the doctor and hospitals but can’t really help it in this situation.

Tomorrow I get the apartment all to myself, since my brother goes to visit our mom. I’m planning to do math, PLANNING is the keyword. I’ll try to make at least one post between today and Sunday, bit I can’t really promise anything. I don’t really have motivation for anything nowadays, but I’ll try to write one anyway.

[shadowtarot]

A few days passed and Ryuji discovers the Nyx cult... and also the "killing hotline" Strega used. If Ryuji realizes that the Phansite and the killing hotline as something was similar. - Chariot's Mystery.

Chariot’s Mystery Part 5

The data surrounding Gekkoukan in 2009 had been getting weirder and weirder the more Ryuji and Futaba looked at it. There was a supernatural phenomena that happened, they were sure of it.

But it’s connections to the Collective Unconscious were as of now...lose at best.

That is, until Futaba and Ryuji decided to do a joint dig that Sunday. Using a private streaming program made herself, she shows Ryuji what she’s digging through in real-time.

“How soon before we tell Ren and the others?” Ryuji asks, lazily watching as Futaba combs through source after source.

“We can’t band the team together on this until we find something that’s an actual active threat. Or if we get threatened ourselves and are forced to band up again.” Futaba responds, not even looking at her webcam as she speaks.

Slumping in his seat a bit, Ryuji lets out a sigh. “I mean I guess you have a point. Most of this shit seems to be in the past, right?”

Suddenly, something flashes on the screen for a few moments. “Whoa wait, Futaba go back three pages.”

Reversing back, a page loads detailing some strange rumors of a cult.

“Cult of Nyx?” Futaba reads out loud. “Sounds creepy.... why’d you want to look at this crummy thing?”

“Give it a scroll, something tells me we might hit a jackpot here.” Ryuji states.

The detailing of this cult seem to imply worship of a being known as Nyx and how it will bring people salvation. The way it was phrased and written seem to feel all too familar.

“Search keywords for this cult...for like...news articles.” Ryuji sits upright in his seat again.

Futaba begins a new scan and reveals newspapers that talk about the cult, showing images of graffiti and like all in preparation for the coming of Nyx.

It also shows who the leader of the cult...

“That guy doesn’t look trustworthy at all..” Futaba states. “Then again, he’s a cult leader. You’re not gonna be winning any trust awards for this.”

“So...we have people suffering from some shit called Apthay Syndrome, a weird ass club at Gekkoukan called S.E.E.S. that no longer exists...and a cult that formed. All within the same year.” Ryuji folds his arms.

“You know Ryuji...I have a working theory.” Futaba states. “What if...all this does involve the CU? They coulda cross-referenced the brief time you appeared on the screen for the calling card, and put you in Gekkoukan for monitoring..”

“Why though?” Ryuji responds. “It’s not like I can do shit if I’m not in the Metaverse...”

“They may not know that...if what Doctor Maruki said is true, then our methods of exploring the Collective Unconscious weren’t the only way you could become a Persona user. Stay on guard at all times...I showed you the faces of the people from 2009...the ones from ‘S.E.E.S.’. Treat them like you would a cop. You don’t speak unless they get in contact with Joker.” Futaba’s tone is nervous, yet serious all the same.

“I’m not about to leak our team’s operations.” 

With that, the call soon ends.

“...I have school tomorrow. I gotta get some rest while I can.”

[seasaltcosmos]

HOO BOI

HERE WE GO

2 weeks off of tumblr can do you a whole lot of good lemme tell you what peeps

i’m gonna update everyone on my mental state now, because a lot of things happened since i announced my break way back at the start of october:

i was in a mental dark place when i made that post, so REALLY i shouldn’t have been on tumblr- or hell even twitter- at all ._. seasonal depression kicks my ass every year, not to mention i was pms-ing at the time of that post- which just AMPS up my mental problems every month. FUN. and being online just made that worse.

but regardless of that, i felt extremely burnt out at that time. (and still kinda do) i’m in the middle of a weird gap with my art where i’m trying to be happy with it but something just feels off. and i don’t know if it’s my anatomy, my character design. whatever. not to mention i started taking how much feedback my art gets to heart again, which admittedly is NOT a good mentality for me. maybe i could post again and fake a “haha the notes don’t matter” mindset till i make it, i’ve attempted that in the past, i’m just not sure how much it’ll work out. being an artist on the internet’s fuckin rough. one of the main reasons i took this break was to get a feel of what it’s like to draw for me again, to be shamelessly self-indulgent with my sketches and drawings, which has worked out pretty good. doesn’t fix the aforementioned gap, but hey, i’m getting somewhere at least.

a BIG positive for me during this break is that ya boi got meds for their anxiety!!! yep!! it only took what- years? but we got a new doctor who officially diagnosed my anxiety and depression and prescribed me some medication. they’ve been working great too. they don’t COMPLETELY change my brain but they definitely make it so i can function every day without finding a reason to freak out over little things.

i think thanks to that, i might be better with posting content now and not obsessively worrying over feedback. keyword being might, i don’t know. but i feel like i’m ready to attempt to post on this blog again. maybe not today, or tomorrow, but soon. i just wanted to update my followers and friends on here.

that covers just about everything i wanted to say soooo thanks for reading all the way through if you did qvq

[charbax]

Wintersend’s Exchange

A gift for @dovabunny in the Fenders Wintersend Exchange! They requested: 

Homeless Fen and doctor/nurse Anders who always tries to feed and dress warmly his elf. Fenris doesnt want or trust charity, he wants to be seen as a man - not a project.

also available on my AO3

It started in the winter. A winter’s night, precisely, when Anders is locking the clinic’s door after a day of treating injuries, maladies, and general complaining from late stragglers. Luckily, his Maker-sent secretary was more than happy to handle the last part (read: forcibly showing them the door by social convention or force) and when the patient line dwindled to none, he sent her home. That had been hours ago. Now, it was late, and Anders was more than ready to flip the sign from open to closed and head upstairs for some well-deserved rest.

No sooner than his fingers brushed against the card than someone rapped against the door. Anders sighed, debated turning the sign over fully like the asshole he was, then decided against it since the person technically did come before the clinic was truly closed. He opened the door with a heavy heart. “Can I help you with-” He started, then stopped.

“Yes.” Fenris replied, arms wrapped around himself and his threadbare clothing, the very picture of a shivering wreck. “You can help me out of this cold.”

Anders was too stunned to do more than step back and let Fenris inside. Fenris made a beeline for one of the waiting chairs and collapsed onto it. It was only then that Anders noticed the goosebumps rippling on his skin, the shaking in Fenris’ body, the way his fingers trembled even as he tried to hide them underneath his armpits. Anders sighed again, pinching the space between his brows. “What made you think in here would be better than out there? Or anywhere else for that matter?”

“Hawke is...indisposed.” Fenris answered carefully. “And it’s too late for anyone else.”

“But apparently, not late enough for the hard-working doctor, who’s spent all day holed up in a clinic treating people as their last line of healthcare. What, the walk back home not good enough for you?”

At least Fenris had the decency to look ashamed. Well, as ashamed as a prickly elf could look. “I don’t trust home at the moment.”

Anders’ long face grew longer. For all of his bad blood with Fenris, even he saw the cruelty in shutting the door in a runaway’s face. “Fine.” He relented. “Stay for the night, but I expect you to be out first thing in the morning.”

Fenris nodded mutely and curled up on himself – almost like a cat. As soon as the comparison made its way into his head, it took root and refused to move from Anders’ mind, following him all the way to the supplies closet, where he grabbed the least threadbare blanket and pillow, and back to where Fenris was huddling. “Here.” Anders said, tossing the items at him. “At least crash here properly, for Maker’s sake.”

A person with less than perfect reflexes might have been slapped face-first with bedding, but Fenris only caught the items with a raised eyebrow. Anders had already turned away to finally prepare for sleep, he heard a quiet-

“Thank you.”

He paused, glancing over his shoulder. Fenris had already wrapped himself up in the blanket and curled into the pillow, stuffing his head under the cover until only the tips of his ears were peeking out. In that moment, he looked like any other elf refugee trying to stay warm in a none-too comfortable chair (and Anders can attest to that uncomfortable thing after an ill-advised nap during a quiet hour in the clinic). That image was a real, tangible proof of his care - even if it took form of a ball of blanket and silvery hair - and it reminded Anders why he treated people, or ran a clinic, or let in mage-hating runways.

He didn’t smile, but his steps going up the back staircase were much lighter than before.

His next time off was spent at the Hanged Man with Hawke and (proclaimed) merry band of misfits. It was certainly fitting considering the company currently present at their usual table – a set of twins, a police officer, the co-manager of the Hanged Man, a doctor (Anders), a runaway actor, an internet pirate, and a Dalish student.

And of course, Hawke himself, who was guffawing about something Varric said. Anders wouldn’t know since he was too busy losing at Wicked Grace badly.

“Well...at least all the cards are different this time. I really like how unique all of them are.” Merrill said as she peered over his hand.

“That’s not a good thing sweetness.” Isabela pointed out, laying out her completed set of suits, then appraised Anders with a smile playing at the corner of her lips. “You really do have the worst luck. Can’t be helped really.” On his right, Bethany patted his arm sympathetically as she laid down her own modest hand.

Anders frowned at Isabela. “As opposed to cheating?”

Isabela shrugged, not-so-coincidentally jostling a naughty card nesting in her cleavage (much to the poorly hidden delight of Carver). “It’s not cheating if you don’t get caught.”

Hawke chose that moment to tune into the conversation and gasped. “Isabela would never cheat!” He exclaimed indignantly. Knowing him, he was 100% serious. Varric and Isabela exchanged smiles, then Varric patted Hawke’s bicep.

“We believe you Hawke.”

“It’s not the matter of believing me, but believing in Isabela.” He turned to her. “I believe in you.”

Isabela’s face contorted in a strange mix between amused and touched, which ended up making her look extremely seasick. Fenris stifled a laugh behind his hand, turning his expression to the closest person next to him, and found himself looking at an equally humorous Anders. There was a moment when their eyes met, a moment when Fenris wasn’t feeling the usual hostility and it was just him and Anders sharing a common laugh.

Then Anders turned his head, breaking the connection. Fenris returned his gaze to the table as the conversation moved on. It seemed only minutes before Aveline said regretfully, “Well, I have the morning shift tomorrow, so I should get going.”

Isabela took one look at Merrill covering her yawn with a hand and stood. “I better get kitten home too. Don’t get into too much trouble boys. At least, not without me.”

With Hawke’s innocent, “We won’t Isabela!” sent her way, Isabela put an arm around Merrill’s shoulders, dropped money onto the table, and left with her. Following their example, Varric and Hawke put their heads together to figure out how to pay for their night in the bar (“Put it on my tab.” Was Varric’s usual reply, to Hawke trio’s indignation, which then started a one-versus-three of who would get to pay it back).

As Fenris reached into his own pocket to draw out the lone bills he had, Anders’ hand slapped in front of him, startling him. Anders withdrew his hand without another word and stalked out, leaving behind a few bills where his hand had been. It was more than enough to cover his own split bill.

“Anders-” Fenris started, but the mage was already gone. He frowned. Despite his feelings on Anders’ ideals, he recognises altruism when he sees it, in the man who chooses to sleep in his own clinic. It’s not cheap to run the service that Anders does, and for as long as Fenris has known him, he not the type to spend frivolously when he’s saving for the endless costs of the clinic.

And yet. Fenris would not deny that Anders was not the only one who had been counting pennies, so to speak. His had pride dictated that he would not accept any of the charity money offered by his friends, but there was clearly enough money for both his and Anders’ meals. How did the mage know that would he would be short for the evening?

No matter. Varric was already grudgingly accepting the Hawkes’ payment, as well as sweeping the bills off the table and into his hand. There was nothing else he could do about it, in terms of paying.

It still left an unsettling pit in his stomach.

It was only more ‘kindness’ since then, disguised as inconveniences for Anders and often riding along the coattails of excuses. ‘I needed to get rid of some of the older blankets, take this one. There’s no holes in it, at least.’ ‘A patient made a pie as a thankyou, but what do you know, I’m allergic to blueberries!’ ‘Someone kindly donated a hand-made beanie and scarf. Unfortunately, grey’s just not my colour.’

Not that Fenris hasn’t been trying to refuse them, with the keyword being ‘trying’. Being in the middle of an unusually harsh winter and dry season for jobs, it would make sense to accept the help. But just because it was logical didn’t mean that Fenris liked it very much. It felt too close to the small acts of mercy Danarius would give to him, akin to throwing a bone to a very beaten dog after a whole day of posing and remembering lines and pushing himself to exhaustion, which Fenris was ashamed to admit to have lapped up as a sign of favouritism. Delicious meals, fine clothes. He might as well have been a glorified pet with a lyrium collar back then.

When Anders dumped a pair of earmuffs on him – elongated for long tipped elven ears – Fenris finally confronted him. “Why all of this?”

Anders fixed him a confused look. “I’m very sure elven biology is enough similar to humans that they both feel the cold somewhat similarly. Unless your prickly sensibilities chose not to feel cold in the air?”

“I mean why all these...gifts.”

“...I needed someone to dump them off? Lirene only accepts cash donations and there’s only so many mismatched scarves and beanies I can own before I would have to give them away as well. Not to mention I’m trying to watch my weight, so food’s the least of my problems-”

Fenris knew stalling when he heard it. “Then cease it. I’m not a charity case, nor a project. If you feel nothing more than pity for me, then I would prefer how we were at the start.”

Hurt flashed across Anders’ face, for a moment, then it was wiped away with a frown. “This wasn’t- this isn’t a- I wasn’t doing it to try to, Maker forbid, change you Fenris. Are you a prickly bastard? Yes. Do I think that you should be a little more sympathetic to the plight of mages because they’re so similar to your own problems? Also yes. Do I still think of you as a friend? Well, I do, unless it’s not been mutual this entire time, which I guess makes me an idiot.”

Fenris knew stalling when he heard it. “Get on with it, Anders.”

“I was, I was. Look. If I was trying to change you – which I’m not! - I would put a lot more effort into shaping you into a specific person, don’t you think?”

Logic warred with suspicion. “And what if you are only bribing me?”

“That’s assuming there’s anything you can give me.”

That stung more than it should. Fenris shook his head. “Then there is no sense to keep giving me things when I have nothing to give back. I do not want to be indebted to you, and I am not yours to shape as you see fit.”

“For the last time, I’m not trying to lord this over you. But I’ll stop it if that’s what you, honest-to-Andraste, believe is the logical thing to do.”

Yes. Fenris was convinced it was.

So the gifts stopped, and with it, so did whatever little camadrie there had been. The next time they met as a group, Anders barely acknowledged him. But Fenris had meant what he said, so he forced himself to swallow the bitter taste of seeing Anders’ eyes pass over him with a neutral glance. At the one after that, Anders chose not to turn up at all, citing a busy clinic as his excuse. Fenris didn’t know if he was relieved or disappointed.

A few days of this apathy passed without fanfare, only for Hawke to pull Fenris and quietly asked if he had a fight with Anders.

“We had a discussion and cleared the air. Nothing else happened.” Fenris answered, if a bit testily.

Hawke levelled a stare at him. “Anders has been throwing himself into his work. He hasn’t been coming to the last three Wicked Grace nights, and he loves Wicked Grace. Either flu season was terrible, or you two are trying to avoid each other.”

“I am not avoiding him.”

“Yes you are. You two seemed to getting along so well with all the presents Anders was giving you.”

Fenris scowled, reminded of the reason why he was in a bad mood in the first place. Hawke continued, oblivious. “When I asked Anders, all he said was that he was giving you space. Did he do something Fenris? Should I be more worried? Were the presents themselves really that bad?”

...the meals may have been warm, but not the creations of a gourmet kitchen, and the clothes, clearly hand-me-downs despite their well-cared for appearance. “No.” Fenris said. “They were passable.”

“They must’ve sure been something if you didn’t want them anymore.”

They were hardly the rewards Danarius would shower him during the sponsorship, especially the ones Danarius gave when he was feeling more whimsical than demanding. But Danarius always had the ulterior motive of keeping Fenris docile and controlled. Anders just did it because he felt like it.

“Thank you, I suppose, for giving me something to think about it.”

Hawke clapped his shoulder, taking that as a sign that the problem was solved. “Not a problem. I’m always here if you need me.”

People to depend on. Those were rare. Maybe Fenris could do with one more.

This time, it was Fenris who was pacing in front of Anders clinic just before closing time. His earlier resolve had crumbled, and he tried in vain to gather its remains. He jumped when the front door opened, but it was only a lone dwarven couple ferrying a sleepy child out. He held the door open respectfully and stepped inside before the door swung shut.

As Fenris’ eyes adjusted to the dark, he could make out the surprise in Ander’s face from behind the receptionist desk. “Fenris?” Anders rose out of his chair, eyebrows raised in surprise.

“I wanted to talk to you.”

“Really? I was under the impression that you didn’t want anything to do with me.”

“I opposed your pity gifts. The company was…less than terrible, truth be told.”

Anders narrowed his eyes at him. “Why do I feel like you’re lying.”

Anders, as much as Fenris would hate to admit, had a point – here he was, after weeks of avoiding Anders like he had the Blight, and now, trying to make contact like he wasn’t the one who cut off Anders in the first place. The mage deserved honesty.

“I am not. I needed time to make sense of what I was feeling. I am not the best at words.”

Anders tipped his head at Fenris’ statement. At least he wasn’t making a smart remark. The fact that Fenris could predict a good Anders sentence and an irritated Anders sentence was an indicator that he probably knew Anders more than he had originally thought.

“What I said back then is still true. I do not like being in the debt of others. When I was. underneath Danarius’ contract, everything I received was something that could be used against me later. I cannot just shake this suspicion for it has saved me often. But one day, I would like to know what it would be like to walk freely, without distrust in every interaction. All I ask for is time and a chance to try existing outside that sponsorship.”

Anders stared at him for a long moment. Fenris willed himself to stare back, not defiantly, but in hope that his look would convey his sincerity. Finally, Anders spoke. “I will admit, it stung when you didn’t my goodwill. But that makes sense. I may be an advocate for mage rights, but even I can admit that bastard belongs in the Deep Roads, so it’s no wonder you don’t want anything to do with him.”

That’s all Fenris wanted and hoped for. He had nothing else to mention, so he nodded and turned to the door.”

“Wait.” Anders called out. “Do you somewhere to sleep tonight?”

Fenris faltered. He hadn’t been planning very far apart from hoping Hawke would answer his door. “I was thinking of asking Hawke, if he is awake at this time.”

“It’s very, very late so he’s probably not. Do you want to stay for the night? I promise, no doing this for bragging rights.”

Just as he reasoned on the first night, there could be worst places than an undocumented doctor’s clinic to sleep in. When Fenris nodded, Anders disappeared in the back, just as he did before, however, he returned with seemingly more items in his hand than the last time – another pillow, a fuzzier blanket, and something dangling off a lanyard on his wrist. Anders dumped them on the chair nearby chair, but held onto the lanyard.

“So I went through a few days of thinking in the span of a few minutes while I was getting these – I can think fast if I have to, don’t look at me like that – and I can’t blame you for thinking like you have to be suspicious of everything. Considering what you just told me, it would be like getting mad at pounce-a-lot for taking down the Wintersend tree.

“So this time, I’m going to give you something else: a choice. Happy Wintersend.”

He held out the lanyard, finally showing the small key hanging on the end. Fenris stared at it. “I don’t understand what this is Anders.”

“It’s one of the spare keys for the clinic – one of the only three in the world, I might add. The only people who have this is me and Lirene. So know that I’m not offering this lightly. This is a...job offer, I guess? I can’t pay you anything other than food, maybe a bit of the stipend if I beg Lirene enough to spare some of the weekly change. I’m sure I can convert one of the rooms upstairs to another bedroom if you want somewhere to board as well. There’s also a contract to read over, but we can do that together. Probably with someone else if you like. Hawke?”

It was good that Fenris was already sitting on the chair. It gave him a measure of support as the full implication hit him. This was Ander’s life, the home of his hopes and dreams, a sanctuary for those who had no-where else – or those without insurance. The previous gifts did not carry the weight of that disarmingly small key, but Fenris could feel its weight off the lanyard.

“I...would need some time. Maybe. I can’t promise anything now.” Fenris said, relishing the way maybe rolled off his tongue. The choice to say so. The feeling only flared when Anders nodded his head.

“I understand. Well, the waiting room is yours until morning.” Anders disappeared to staircase, his steps echoing in the stairwell, until they too faded away. The chairs were just as uncomfortable as they had been the first time Fenris had slept in them, but as Fenris buried himself deeper in them, his mind became cotton-heavy with the incoming sleep.

The last though Fenris had before he drifted off was the speculation of working in a place like the clinic. He had no skills has a medical professional, but there had to be just as honest work there. Fenris smiled to himself. He would let Anders know his answer in the morning.

[remdailyblogs]

A Barely Rolling Stone (2/30)

Day 2 of No Nut: I have gained control of my senses. I have activated my third eye and have achieved telekinesis.

Rem Daily checking back in for the second day of November, I cannot say much since it is still too early into the 30 day challenge. I did however, take this day to think about what subjects to read up on and look into. Let me take you through today’s thought process so sit back and relax a bit.

Revise, Redo, and Remaster

Even brushing up on other skills I have not used in a while, such as vocal exercises and strength training, it’s always good to brush up on current skill set. There might be something that sparks that interest again, or have overlooked some minor details that could make all the difference. I’ve been there, and I’m sure you’ve all been there too. When it comes to vocal prowess and talking your head off or remaining totally silent and hacking away at the keyword writing code.

If it’s a skill, we all chisel away at our rough skill sets to make them as flawless as we can achieve.

Chasing art has always been a goal of mine. Some days can be dreadful with practicing becoming a nuisance, and other days you grab whatever tool of your trade and go nuts. We all have our ups and downs, even for our most enjoyable hobbies and past-times.

There are times where the nervousness I got from picking up the pencil had my hands lock up and that feeling of frustration came rushing in at another blank and empty page. Lately, with the constant practice and visible progress page by page, that frustration has gone down these past few weeks, and boy do I feel extremely grateful my sense of artistic confidence has gone up in strides.

What about the case of strength training and cardio I mentioned earlier? That gets easier as well, as do all skills we pick up along our way. The more you use it, the better you get at it, right? One moment you can be doing push ups and bench presses, and then before you realize it, push ups and bench pressing are a breeze and your breathing feels more relaxed and controlled.

There were plenty of times where I wanted to practice my form on certain exercises. A few repetitions with a light weight, and then a few with heavy weight. Heck, some days I did only one exercise that I had trouble getting the right form and positioning. Even wrote down personal notes into a handy, dandy notebook that I carry with me to the gym. Lo and behold, my mastery with that troublesome exercise soon became one of my most favorite exercises to perform.

Am I an exercise doctor? Fully licensed dietitian? Absolutely not and do not plan to. I speak solely on personal experience, both accomplishments and failures.

Whether it is art, or becoming the healthiest you can be, or the strongest, it is a skill meant to be honed and perfected as much as it can. My journey into these two passions will have ups and downs, crap days and perfectly blissful days… it’s not going to stop me from becoming the best that I can be.

I think that will be enough for today. Let that sit and marinate with you for a while. I simply speak my thoughts and lay them out right here for all to see and enjoy. Hope everyone is having a good day and continue to do so. 

Rem Daily is going to sleep, and I will be posting more art progress later into the week. See you dudes tomorrow and sleep well.

[ourghoststories]

Sweet Dreams (Bucky Barnes x Reader)

Word Count: 1,500+

Summary: Reader feels left out from the Avengers and Bucky helps her, then she helps Bucky.

Warnings: Mentions of PTSD, Anxiety and Depression, Nightmares, Social anxiety, panic attacks.

“Hey Nat, could you help me-“.

“No.” She said sternly, cutting me off.

“But I-“.

“No. I’m not going to help you with whatever bullshit you need, okay?” She mocked, huffing off.

Great, way to start off my day.

Why was she mad at me? 

All I wanted was for her to help me out with training and then hang out with me or something, I knew that I was new, but I just wanted to make some friends- I’ve never really been good with the whole friends thing and this sets the bar pretty low.

I tried as hard as I could to shrug off the incident with Nat, it didn’t really work, but the keyword here was tried.

Crying wasn’t an option, they’d all just laugh at me, I had to stay strong- for myself, not them.

Steve and Sam walked in, both sweaty from their jog “Uh.. Guys? Do you think that maybe I could jog with you tomorrow?” I asked gleefully.

Sam laughed as though I had just said the worlds funniest joke “oh, that… it wasn’t a joke?”.

Steve was silent and although he elbowed Sam, a smile was plastered on his face; They laughed down the hallway, making jokes about me.

Maybe this whole ‘Avengers’ thing wasn’t right for me…

Tony was holding a huge party, he didn’t consider the fact that I hated parties and they freaked me out, sure I could act fine and actually be social in small parties, but tony had invited so many people it was ridiculous; to put it bluntly, I was dying inside.

I was really flipping anxious, I approached tony, who- with his female army were blocking the exit “Tony, could you please move?” I asked, as politely as I could in the current situation.

The girls around him laughed at a joke he was saying “Tony? Could you move please?!” I said with more urgency, as I tried to push through but got shoved back. 

No one would care, none of the Avengers even noticed me… I knew I hadn’t met Clint, Pietro or Wanda, but if this was anything to go by I didn’t want to.

“Please, please, let me through- I need… fresh air!” I gasped.

Panic overcame me and all my breath got sucked up into my lungs, I was going to pass out.

This was in fact the last straw.

“ANTHONY HOWARD STARK, COULD YOU PLEASE LET ME THROUGH!” I yelled at the top of my lungs, I could tell Tony was trying to get on my nerves, because not only did he not budge, he also acknowledged my presence.

“Tony, could you move outta the way before I ram my metal fist into your skull” a deep, strained voice boomed from behind me.

“Okay, listen, Luke Skywalker, one more insult to me, I’ll kick your ass onto the streets, where you belong. You too short stack” Tony threatened as he let us through.

We walked into the elevator in complete silence, Bucky’s face softened as he saw the pain and discomfort in my eyes.

The pressure was getting to me, I felt as if a freight train had hit me at full force in the chest, so I did what any normal person would do, and started to break down.

Bucky caught me, as I almost fell to the ground “hey doll, I need you to take some deep breaths, everything’s gonna be okay, alright?” He said, furrowing his brows.

“I- I’ll try” I hyperventilated, my thoughts racing.

“That’s all I’m asking of you, mm?” He hummed, concern adorning his face.

My lungs caught up with my body and calmed down, my heightened senses calming back to normal- apart from my heart rate and blood pressure.

The elevator dinged, signalling it was time for use to get off.

“That’s my girl” he soothed, pulling me into a warm embrace, as we walked out of the elevator.

I wiped the tears from my eyes and turned away from him “you must think I’m pathetic.. I’m sorry I..” I trailed off, lost in thought.

He grabbed my hand and pulled me back so I was facing him, I was darn close to him as well “I don’t think you’re anything, doll. You’re you” Bucky smiled, massaging the front of my hands with his thumbs.

a heavy sigh escaped my mouth, “I don’t know where to start… I can’t control myself mentally and physically, with my powers… I can’t speak to anyone about it or- or do anything! I’ve killed so many people and I’m aware of it and it’s slowly consuming me… The Avengers have ignored me, laughed at me and pushed me away- I thought I was supposed to be welcomed…”.

Bucky cocked an eyebrow “Hey beautiful, you ain’t the only one…” he joked, but I could tell it was so much more than that.

“You know how I feel don’t you?” I questioned, observing his facial expressions.

We walked outside

His mouth twitched slightly, his Adams apple bobbed up and down and his jugular pulsed, he was nervous and I was going into unknown territory “yes, unfortunately… I’ve accepted the fact that I’m a monster, I’m all fucked up in the brain, I know that much- the doctors say it’s all these things, PTSD, anxiety, depression… It’s more than that, I still feel guilty, I feel the burden of everything, I’m on the outer edge and I can’t fit in” he said in a much darker tone, his eyes almost glazing over.

“James, I know how you feel, but you- most definitely aren’t a monster, y’know how I know that? Because you’re sweet and I’ve only known you for what? Twenty minutes?” I asked, his short speech, hitting a cord.

Pain emanated from both of us, but somehow we connected, it was like we knew each others thoughts, feelings, all of it “Thanks Bucky” I genuinely smiled.

The screams from my dreams woke me up, but then I realised they were real and coming from a few doors down, Bucky’s room.

I rushed into Bucky’s room without hesitation, bloodcurdling screams filling my ears, taking all my might not to flashback or give in.

“James! Wake up!” I yelled, shaking him vigorously.

He woke up in a panicked state, pushing me to the other side of the room, “Bucky this isn’t you” I warned.

He ran with full force at me, knocking me over before he started to strangle me, I needed to handle this rationally and not use my abilities.

I pushed him onto the bed, I was scared, for me, for him and for both of our sanity. 

“No no no no no no no no no no” he whispered to himself, rocking back and forth.

“Get away from me! Stop! YOU’RE GOING TO HURT HER! DON’T!” He yelled.

“FRIDAY, please notify Mr Rogers that Bucky is in distress” I said as calmly as possible. 

“Yes miss L/N”.

Bucky was sobbing, his blue eyes now as blue as he was, I pulled him in close to me, into a hug, I ran my hands through his hair and whispered sweet nothings.

“Wha- w- Y/N?” He asked in shock, still completely broken.

His eyes darted around the room, to the broken furniture, before finally landing on my neck and arms “Did I..?” He gulped, looking away before I could answer.

“Buck, it’s not your fault” a voice echoed, from outside his room.

“It’s truely not Bucky, I could’ve done much more damage to you, so… it’s nothing” I smiled sadly, wiping the tears off his soft skin with my thumbs.

My eyes opened wide, that’s right, I had called Steve, shit.

“I- um, Steve’s here, I should go-“.

“Don’t be stupid Y/N, you helped out my pal here, who knows what would’ve happened if you weren’t there” Steve smiled as he walked in. 

“Thanks… Buck? You alright? As you can be I mean” I mumbled.

“Yeah doll, I’m…” he trailed off, looking at the floor.

“Sorry for today, Sam and I were being immature and I realised how you must’ve felt, Nat said she was sorry too. Everyone’s been working overtime lately” Steve said sincerely… I think?

“That’s- it’s all good.” I said shyly, Bucky letting out a chuckle in response.

“Well, I’ll head off” I smiled, about to get up from the bed.

A cold hand latched around my waist, pulling me back to bed “Wha-“.

“Y/N could you stay? Please?” He begged.

“That’s my cue to leave. Buck, if you need anything you know where to find me, you too Y/N” Steve said softly, as he shut the door and left.

I fell back onto the bed and felt the weight of the world on top of me.

Bucky was still in shock, but he was slowly getting better “You’re all sweaty” I observed.

He looked guilty “hey, it’s fine… I’ll get you some clothes and you can change” I smiled, patting his chest in reassurance.

I tried my hardest not to look, “Doll, I know you’re tempted” he chuckled darkly.

“Oh, shut up, you!”.

We both got back into the bed, I cuddled into his warm, now shirtless body and rested my head on his chest; I could feel every breath he was taking and how his heart rate sped up when I made a slight move.

I started singing him a lullaby, it used to work for me when I was little, so why wouldn’t it work now? Which it did, impeccably well.

Light snores emanated from Bucky, as he went into a sound sleep, hopefully with dreams “sleep tight Buck” I whispered, as I placed a kiss on his chest.

My world had changed so much in the past few hours and it was a weird feeling.

I hope you enjoyed this, I know I haven’t written much, but I'm really trying! - Darcy

[gplusbfics]

The entire time this was being posted and worse, all last year, after the story was left hanging (just one more promised chapter!) I was totally OBSESSED with it. I reread this so many time if it were on paper I’d need a few more copies because I would’ve worn it out from carrying it around, folding it over, sticking it in my back pocket, sleeping with it. I think it started because I was waiting until that last chapter arrived but when it didn’t I just starting going over it again and again. It’s REALLY good,  though! Still, because it’s not “finished,” I held off on recommending it, but no more!

This story is a tremendous accomplishment, merging together the details of A Stitch in Time, with Parmak helping Garak through some horrific times on post-war Cardassia, along with a story of how Parmak is suffering from the rampant homophobia that, in this take, existed on Cardassia and still lingers. He is deathly afraid of giving himself away, especially when he begins to spend more and more time around Garak, to whom he is desperately attracted. It’s a great study in psychology and later, in relationship-building and negotiation. The moments in this story, both pre- and post-relationship, are so well played out, with a great deal of subtlety both in description and dialog. As for the details in the relationship, the sex is smoking, smoking hot -- not going to lie, another reason for all my re-reads. 

Excerpt

They shared tea, and Garak told Parmak of his effort to write his dear friend, the Starfleet doctor, Julian Bashir. Parmak, to his credit, did his level best not to let his sadness show on his face as the other man reminisced about his so-called shenanigans with the younger doctor. He found himself carried away by the tales Garak wove, cradling his warm tea under his chin, letting the sound of the other's voice waft over him at his place by the door.

The sound of the sudden rain made Parmak gasp. He turned to look out the door and frowned. His shoulders rose a bit, along with his heckles, when he felt a presence at his side. Garak hadn't touched him yet, being so close, and it struck him as odd, struck him with the need to say something.

"I didn't mean to interrupt," Parmak said.

"No, it's alright. I was about at a stopping point, anyway. Really, I think you'd get along well with Doctor Bashir."

"From the sound of things, I think I would, too." Parmak took a sip of his tea and tried to gauge how long the rain would last. He sighed quietly. "It looks like I'll be washing my clothes tomorrow, since I'll be going home in the rain. If you've enough to wash, we could go together."

"Stay," Garak said, cocking his head slightly. "Wait it out. If you get tired, I can make the bed for you."

"I wouldn't want to put you out," Parmak said, trying to force his shoulders away from his aural ridges.

"Nonsense," Garak said with a wave of his hand, "the place is warmer with you in it. Why don't you come away from the door and the draft?"

"I like the rare clean air," Parmak said through the lump in his throat.

"Aren't you cold? We could have another cup of tea by the st-"

"I'm fine," Parmak interrupted. He glanced at the other man, taking in his surprise at being interrupted. For a moment, Parmak thought of running, fleeing out into the rain. Garak hummed a quiet sigh and sat his cup aside on the nearest surface. "Sorry," Parmak muttered.

"No," Garak said, sliding up behind Parmak. "I'm the one who should be sorry," he said as he wrapped his arms around the doctor, "but I'm just cold."

There were always double meanings to Garak's words that weren't simple instructions or requests, and Parmak thought he might drown in the subtext of the ones he'd just uttered. The arms tightened around him at a harsh gust of wind that splattered drops of rust colored mud on Parmak's trousers, and Garak buried his face in Parmak's hair, humming as if he was considering something.

After a few minutes, Parmak relented to the contact, bringing one hand up to place it over the back of one of Garak's. He practiced the breathing Reya had taught him, trying to absorb as much of the cool, clean air that he could as if he could store it in a hidden organ.

"Keep me warm?" Garak asked solemnly.

Parmak shivered.

Metadata

Title: Of Blood and Bleach Author: JulianObviouslyLovesToad Year Posted: 2016 Approx. Word Count: 35,000 Chapters: 20  GB - Slash or Platonic: N/A -- it’s Garak & Parmak My Rating (1-5): 5 Keywords: Garak-Parmak, Post-Canon Cardassia, Hurt/Comfort, Homophobia, Wet Dreams, Explicit Sex, ASIT

P.S. Do me and everyone a favor and leave comments on Ch. 20 begging for a Ch. 21?  

[arizonamansions-blog]

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[my-emotional-self]

Let Me Protect You Part 2 Chapter 16 (Chris Evans x OFC Emilia)

Pairings: Chris Evans x OFC Emilia

Warnings: Swearing, Angst

Trigger Warnings: Mentions of Suicide and Self Harm

Word Count: 1.8k+

Timberline Knolls was located just outside the city limits of Chicago and was where you would spend the next month.  The entire flight out you couldn’t stop crying no matter how hard you tried.  You felt betrayed, deceived and you didn’t think you could ever look Chris in the face again.  

They had a staff from Timberline Knolls meet you at LAX in case you tried to run.  Lets face it, you would have in a heartbeat if you didn’t have a babysitter with you the entire time.  You gave up, point blank and that was it.  

The flight from Los Angeles to Chicago was long and daunting.  When the plane finally touched down you were happy to be out of your seat as your legs and back became stiff from sitting so long.  You would never understand how people flew everywhere all the time; it seemed like such a hassle.  

Jack, your ‘babysitter’, helped you with your bags and escorted you out of the airport where a car was waiting for you both.  More tears streamed down your cheek as you hastily wiped them away with the back of your shirt.  You wanted to be positive about this experience; your boyfriend paying for you to go to one of the best treatment facilities?  How could you not be positive about it?  Oh, that’s right, because you felt he betrayed you, doing this behind your back and not even talking to you about it.  

In a way, you regretted what happened the last time you saw him.  All the screaming and crying, telling him you hated him and saying that the two of you were over.  Did you really mean it?  At the time, yes.  But now, you were unsure.  He meant well, but it still broke your heart.  

It took a while to get out of the city, but other than that, you had arrived at Timberline Knolls rather quickly.  You had to admit, it was a beautiful place.  There was a long private driveway that stretched for miles through a forest before opening up to many smaller buildings.  It looked rather cozy.  

“Alright Emilia, we’ll do your intake assessment and then we will get you settled into your room for the night” Jack stated as he opened the door for you and led you to the main bigger building.  Looking around, all the buildings were made of stone and brick and it made for a beautiful setting with the woodsy backdrop.  

The intake assessment was the same as usual; question after question after question to get a better understanding of you.  With it being your second suicide attempt, having Borderline Personality Disorder and also self-harming, you fit the bill rather perfectly to be admitted to this rehab center.  But you quickly learned that this rehab center was a bit different.  They took a more holistic approach to recover and that definitely piqued your interest as you didn’t want to be stuffed with medication left and right.  

You thought you would fully shut down while you were here, not talking to anyone and just taking this as a free ride until your time was up.  But after hearing everything involved, you were actually becoming more aware that this place might just be a good start.  Not only did they take a more holistic approach to your road to recovery but they really help you to understand that you are not alone.  

“At Timberline Knolls, we coach and reinforce each of our patients on interpersonal skills, emotional regulation skills and distress tolerance and management” Sara, the intake specialist declared.  

You let out a sigh of relief as she spoke; nodding intently as you realized that this just might work for you.  “This…this actually sounds like something that would help me” you replied with a slight chuckle.  You sucked at interpersonal skills, distress tolerance AND emotion regulation.  

Sara smiled at you with her big doe eyed brown eyes.  “Well, that is what we strive for.  So” she began to say as she looked down at your paperwork, “it looks like you will be with us for 30 days.  Unless your doctors say you need more time.”

You cocked your head to the side, your brows furrowed.  “I thought it was flat 30 days that I would be here?” you questioned.  

“It looks like your boyfriend paid for up to 90 days, if needed.”

Your eyes became wide at her statement as your heart jumped in your chest.  90 days???  You couldn’t stay here for 90 days!!  That was far too long!  Anger bubbled within you and you spoke the only thing that came to mind, “He’s my ex-boyfriend.”

After your intake session was done, Sara took you to the dorm rooms where everyone was staying. She unlocked a door before opening it and motioned for you to step inside.  You were blown away by how beautiful the room was.  There was a queen sized bed, along with a dresser, two nightstands, your own small bathroom and an entire wall of windows.  The color was a soft tan and the carpet was plush.

“It was requested that you have your own room.  Now, this isn’t a prison or anything.  But everyone needs to be back in their rooms by 10pm and wake up is at 7:00am.”

You gave her a slight smile as she closed the door.  Noticing your bag was already on the bed waiting for you, you let out a sigh as you started to unpack.  The room was warm and cozy as you felt a sense of loneliness.  

As you finished packing, you laid down on the bed exhausted from the day’s events.  It was definitely not how you planned on things going but nothing ever really went your way.  Laying on your back staring up at the ceiling, you thought about what you would say to Chris when you ever got the chance to talk to him.  You wanted to ask his forgiveness, in the way you treated him. You wanted to tell him how sorry you were for screaming at him.  You wanted to tell him how much you appreciated him for getting you to rehab and the seeking out the help you truly needed.  

In that moment, the phone rang startling you from your daydreaming.  Sitting up, you stared at the phone as it continued to ring.  It was 10:45 at night and it baffled you as to who could be calling.  With hesitation, you lifted the phone off the cradle.  “Hello?” you asked sheepishly.  

“Ems” you heard your brother exhale from the other end.  

Tears immediately welled in your eyes as you heard his voice.  Your brother, your favorite person in the world who gave the best hugs, who made you feel safe.  “Eric” you sobbed out, your body shaking the bed.  

“How are you?  Did you make it there safe?  How is everything going?” Eric rambled out.  

“I’m….I’m here.  Safe and…and sound” you hiccupped out between your cries.  “I-I just want to come ho-home though.”  It was true. Even though this place seemed great and could really help you out, hearing your brothers’ voice just made you homesick instantly.  

“I know Ems” Eric sighed out.  “But that place is amazing.  Chris and I researched all night that first night you were locked up.  And you just….you just need to give it a try.  I think it will really turn out to be great for you.”

You couldn’t even speak; holding your breath as you held back your sobs and became as quiet as possible. You didn’t want Eric to know how lonely you felt.  He was always there for you and you didn’t want to make it painful for him.  

“Ems?” he questioned when you didn’t speak.  

“I’m he-here” you hiccupped quietly as you wiped your tears away.  

“I love you Ems.  Get your rest and I’ll call you tomorrow okay?”

“Okay” you whispered before the line went dead.  You put the phone back on the holder as you crawled under the covers.  You would give anything to be with Eric right now.  He would make everything better again. You made a mental note to ask tomorrow if there was a time when family or friends could visit.  

As you stared at the wall as you felt broken hearted and empty; not knowing how you would survive these next 30 days alone.  Your phone rang again as you jolted upright.  

“Hello?” you answered hesitantly, not knowing who it could be.  

“Emilia” Chris’ voice sounded on the other end.  

In one moment his voice sent both shivers down your spine, and anger boiling in your bones.  You missed him dearly as you wanted to feel his lips all over your body and to have his strong arms surround you.  Yet at the same time, you wanted to slap him in the face for doing this to you.  

“Don’t hang up baby….please” his tone was urgent and pleading.  At that point you wanted nothing more than to hang up on him, but you gave him the benefit of the doubt.  “I miss you so much Ems.”

“Well maybe you shouldn’t have stabbed me in the back and put me in this place!” your voice rose with each word as your heart started to beat faster in your chest.  

Chris let out a frustrated sigh on his end and you knew he felt guilty.  “I’m sorry Emilia.  Really, I am. I just…I just want you to get better. I didn’t know what else to do.”

You scoffed at his words. “You could have TALKED to me about this beforehand.  Maybe if you set me down, talked to me about this idea maybe I would have agreed.”

“That’s the thing Ems. Keyword being maybe.  What if you wouldn’t have agreed huh?  What if your stubborn ass would have started a fight over this idea?”

Well, he had you there. You being the stubborn person you were would probably have put up a fight over this idea.  But the way he said it made your insides boil.  “You had NO right Chris!  NONE!  How could you do this to me?  Now I’m stuck here for at least a month, maybe more!”

“I CAN’T LOSE YOU EMILIA!” he roared into the phone in frustration.  

“Then maybe you should have just broken up with me then Chris.  I told you what you were getting into, but you obviously didn’t think it was as bad as it was.”

“I love you Emilia” he whispered out.  His tone was so soft and delicate that it made you shiver.  “I love you so much it hurts.  I don’t want to lose you.  I want you in my life forever.  When I opened the door to the bathroom and saw you there practically lifeless, my heart stopped.  I don’t ever want to see that again.”

His words made your heart ache but you still couldn’t forgive him for this; not yet at least. Taking in a deep breath, you exhaled for encouragement as you let your mind free.  “I’m sorry.  Goodbye Chris.”  

Tag List: @iamwarrenspeace @ssweet-empowerment @princess-evans-addict @patzammit @tacohead13 @white-chocolate-mocha-fan @littlemissacorn @miss-cap21 @missfirstavenger @captainamerica-ce @pumbibaby @remember-that-one-blog @wildestdreamsrps @kanupps06 @zohoffman @-fuck-you-world- @geeksareunique @libbitinasdeath @createdbytinyaddiction @kenzieam @stacieisaloser

[solarbird]

The Armourer and the Living Weapon, Chapter 18: forgetting the old days

I forgot to mention, last time, but Dr. Ngcobo is based on concept-art Mercy, for those familiar with that.

This chapter is worksafe.

[AO3 link]

"Oh, I know this," Lena said from inside the sensory isolation chamber, as the song played. "You used it last time, too."

"You know it?" Angela asked by microphone, watching peripheral nervous system reactions in real time. Dr. Ngcobo, also watching by remote, noted that the ring didn't shift, but Lena talked through it, so of course it didn't. He queued the sample for replay again, later.

"Yeh. Always have."

"That's interesting," Dr. Ziegler replied, pausing the stimulus set. "It's a fairly obscure traditional tune, a lullaby - how do you know it?"

Lena shrugged, mostly relaxed and floating in the dark. "Just do, that's all. Makes me think of my mum."

"You... I did not think you remembered your mother."

"Don't, love. Pop, either, not really. But, y'know..." she waved her hands around a little in the small space. "Y'have impressions, doncha? Ideas? I do."

She's never mentioned this before, Angela thought, but when has there ever been cause? I should check her psychological profiles. Aloud, she replied, "I suppose one may well. I'm going to repeat it, later - when you hear it again, I'd like you not to talk. Let your body react to it, but nothing else. Is that all right?"

"'Course it is. I like it - particularly the tune, yah?" A little 'heh' came over the speakers. "Shame the singer sounds like, well, you know. Her."

"...Moira? Does she? I didn't notice."

"T'me she does. Particularly in the low notes."

Well, Angela thought, that's interesting. She added two more, similar snippets she had identified in advance to the queue, randomly interspersed. Let's see if that repeats, as well.

Oilliphéist and Widowmaker watched from behind glass, sitting in a viewing room, able to see the chamber and both doctors at work, and hear them as well. Lena had insisted on that in the strongest of terms, and Angela did not push back, but certainly noted it for discussion later.

Danielle considered what she'd heard. "Did... that sound like Dr. O'Deorain to you?"

Emily snorted. "Aunt Moira can't carry a tune in a bucket. But if she could - maybe, a little?" She smiled, calm but deeply aware and ready, her arm around her lover's shoulder. "I really don't know what Ziegler's chasing, here."

"Perhaps some sort of keyword, some sort of..." She tapped the armrest of the chair. "Some sort of activation phrase?"

"What, like in those old movies?" Emily laughed, a little. "Doesn't work that way. Even I know that."

"Doesn't it?" the Widowmaker asked, one eyebrow raised. "I received a 'go' code."

"You were already all there, sweet. I know, I was on the team."

"My first kill," the senior assassin sighed. "And I felt nothing at all."

"I'm sorry for that. The doctor and I both wanted it to be different for you, but..." She shook her head. "That... reminds me... of something. What... was it... oh!" She sat up straighter, silver eyes bright. "In your office at the chateau, you have a framed picture from Amélie and Gérard's wedding. It's the two of them cutting the cake."

Danielle blinked, surprised, something not easily done to the spider, and she looked directly at her counterpart. "...I do? Really?"

Emily nodded. "Yes! It's on the bookshelves, to the left of the desk. I was so confused. Why?"

"I..." She shook her head. "I suppose it was already there, and I never thought to throw it away," she replied, not as entirely convinced of that as she wanted to be. "I imagine you smashed it?"

Emily chuckled. "'Course not, sweet. It's yours! Why would I do that?"

"Because you hated him! Fiercely. I may not have felt anything yet, and I know not to entirely trust my own memories, there have been too many changes, but... I still remember how you hugged me when I returned. How happy you were that he was dead." She gave the other woman a soft smile. "That... I did feel. Just a little."

"Aw. Love you too, pet. And I remember that. But it's all water under the bridge, these days." She grinned, freely. "He's gone, you're here, we're together, I'm..." she hugged herself, and shivered a little with pleasure, "...oh, it's hard to describe, but I feel so... complete, at last."

She looked back through the window, keeping an ear out for any additional conversation from the doctors on the other side of the glass. "I really think she's starting to settle in, too. I was thinking about it a couple of nights ago, I thought it'd be such a struggle, but... no. She's become a brilliant weapon."

"She already was," Widowmaker noted, a little quirk up at the side of her mouth. "That's what got my attention at the start."

"And so easy to like! I told her back at Auntie's place that I'd never kill her, because you love her, but..." she smiled broadly, "I don't even want to!"

"I like our new sleeping arrangements," the spider said, quietly, gaze focused on the chamber.

"So do I," replied her beloved.

"We should talk more seriously about the future, you realise. Not here, of course, but..."

Oilliphéist nodded, agreeing. "Yes. I love Aunt Moira, but..." A bit of a grimace. "She's a tricky one. We'll have to stay a couple of steps ahead of her if we can, for all of our sakes."

Danielle reached over and took Emily's hand back into her own. "I'm... relieved to hear you still agree."

"Don't worry, sweet." She grinned, nuzzling at Widowmaker's hand. "I've got you. We'll be fine." A glance back up, through the window. "All three of us."

-----

"I am increasingly worried," the doctor said, sharing documents across the table to the subset of Overwatch personnel present. "But I cannot give you a firm reason why."

"She's not... acting entirely like herself, is she?" Winston said, nervously, flipping through pages of data he was not reading. "I've worked my entire life to understand human body language, and it's not always easy, but I've got a pretty decent grip on it. Hers is different, now."

"It is," Morrison nodded. "Has been since the eyes, but it's getting worse."

"She was always very tactile, very physical," Dr. Zhou said. "But you see her with them, and they're always touching. Over and over again. It's a little off-putting."

"It's a little creepy, you mean," said Hana Song, back from Korea only a few hours before. "No, it's kind of a lot creepy. And that palm nuzzling thing is just bizarre."

"She is not changing any more, not physically," Angela said. "Some of the body language, I think, is more getting used to a very different nervous system than she once had. But I have also noticed the... nearly obsessive need for physical contact with Widowmaker and Oilliphéist. With everyone else, she's hardly touch-averse, but it is different."

"That part seems pretty normal to me," Winston noted. "She still sneaks up and gives me a noogie at least once a day."

"I could fly in after the show tomorrow," Lúcio said, over comms. "I haven't seen her in a while, I could tell you how much she's changed, or hasn't..."

"If you can manage it, certainly," Angela replied. "The more data I have, the better. But I am far more concerned with the reactions in her nervous system."

She brought up a set of charts that wouldn't mean anything to anyone not a research doctor, but they gave her something to point at while speaking, and that made her feel better, like she had more of a grasp on the situation than she really had. "There is a hint of a pattern to sensory input reactions. It is not a pattern I can yet identify, it is not anything easy to find - she does not react, for example, to video samples of Moira, with or without sound." The doctor switched to paired video of Dr. O'Deorain and Lena's data, placid and nonreactive.

"It would be very tempting to make assumptions and be led seriously astray... but... there are... agh," she spat the word. "I do not like speaking in such terms. It is very un-Swiss of me, but there are... rumours and innuendoes. There are inferences in these numbers, barely outside margin of error, but... I cannot even say they are statistically significant. I simply do not understand them yet."

"She clearly hasn't been programmed to like Dr. O'Deorain," Winston said.

"No, clearly. Similarly, not Talon. It is entirely possible that it is just biases in the way her nervous system works, and it could turn out all to be something as trivial as your love of peanut butter, which is, for the record, complex in similar ways." She glared at the shifting data. "But - I am convinced something is here."

"You heard her at the debriefing," Morrison said, flatly. "Would the Lena Oxton we know - we knew - smile at Widowmaker relishing a kill?"

"That's unfair, Jack. You know how she scored on psych exams back in '68. It's why..."

"Maybe it is, maybe it isn't. But..."

"Look, n00bs," Hana Song interjected. "You're all missing the obvious. Spiderbitch is one thing, okay? She's a defector. She's a merciless assassin, but she's also a victim. So I can just about see Lena going for that, particularly given her looks. Everybody with me so far?"

"What are you getting at, Hana?" asked Lúcio.

"C'mon - Oilliphéist? Really? Oilliphéist?! She isn't a victim. We don't know much about her, but we do know she wanted this. And Lena is apparently... okay with that? And we're supposed to be okay with her being okay with that?" She crossed her arms and leaned back in her chair. "I don't think so."

"She and I have talked about it," Winston said, "She's aware..."

"And she's still doing it. Watch 'em touch. I'm not sayin' they're in love, it's not even sexual, they're touching just all the time. Watch them. It's weird."

"Should we cancel this operation? Talon has already taken a real body blow. The governments are finally starting to set their operations in motion..." asked Winston.

"No," said Mei-Ling, firmly. "Absolutely not. The risks are too great."

"Even if it means we lose Lena to... whatever this might be?" If it's even anything, he prayed to himself.

Mei-Ling looked down at her padd, eyes haunted, and did not reply.

"Look," Winston continued, "why don't we just... get her away from them for a few hours. See how that goes. We could have an Overwatch Night Out tonight, like we used to. Hana, you come; Angela, you bring Fareeha. All of you, me, Mei, Lena... see if we can't just remind her who she's always been. She if she snaps back."

"That would be wonderful," Mei-Ling said, wistfully. "I miss those days very much. It seems so long ago already."

"The pub back in Gibraltar?" Angela asked, a bit of a smile. "It has been a while."

"Why not? It's a bit of a haul, but at least they're used to me," Winston noted, "And Athena could fly us back if we stayed up too late."

"It would be worth a try, at least," Angela said, thoughtfully tapping her chin. "We are in an alien and stressful environment, particularly for her. If she reverts to normal in a comfortable, normal situation, then perhaps... we are all just reading too much into everything."

"She is not the only one under stress," Dr. Zhou noted.

"I can't believe we're having an executive meeting to decide to go out for drinks," Morrison snarked, shaking his head.

"You have forgotten the old days, Jack." Dr. Ziegler snorted. "I absolutely can."

[apezdispenser-blog]

An In-Depth Break down of How Hypnosis Works

In general, the technique of hypnosis is easy with a willing participant - that is rather, a person who knows what will happen, who's open to the procedure, and who's prepared to accept changing their brain. First, the topic requires a place where they could be completely calm and clear of interruptions and sounds. get more advice www.igorledochowskihypnosis.com

Some subject matter appreciates white noise, like this of the fan or radio static, to attain the ability to drown away the surroundings around them. That is possibly the most crucial part because the trip to the hypnotic condition must be distraction-free. Being disrupted while attaining the state can be very stressful and upsetting, which makes it harder and much longer to reunite there again.

Next, it's important to take the topic through a series of deep breathing techniques and muscle relaxation. Slowing the respiration calms the heart rate and the idea process, and calming muscle pressure supports physical consciousness and mindfulness. Once the deep breathing is managed and the heart rate has slowed, the muscles easily follow into complete rest. It isn't uncommon for your at the mercy of look or become they may be asleep. Your body will be as peaceful as a sleeping person, and the inhaling and exhaling will also imitate that of rest.

Now, ask questions in a calming modulation of voice. Do that by posing some questions in a smooth, encouraging tone of voice (never severe or commanding) to make sure you have consent from the topic in this mind-set. If anytime you don't believe that you have consent, you must stop the procedure. You should ask if the individual knows where these are, if indeed they feel calm, if they're okay, and if it's alright to ask some questions.

Once you've consent from the topic, you will start their brain to this issue. The questions you ask now will steer your subject matter into the led imagery that comes after. Perhaps this is a pal who would like to stop smoking. And that means you would ask, “Would you like to stop smoking?” They'll answer yes.

You may say something that identifies this issue of smoking and relates it to the individual, such as, “Do you utilize smokes to release stress? ” And ask a question that relates this issue to your help, such as, “Would you like me to obtain past your dependence on smoking cigarettes?” Once you've determined the target with your subject matter, you can continue to the led imagery.

Never change your voice from the very soft, lulling tone you have been using or you might startle your subject from the hypnotic condition, which can cause anxiety and stress. Guided imagery will open up your subject’s brain to this issue they want to conquer and identify how it is having power over them. Next, you will color a different picture of this issue, and have yours at the mercy of refocusing the way they experience it to meet up with the new image.

You may say, “I'd like you to picture yourself using a cigarette right now. Do you are feeling acquainted with this?” They'll answer yes. “I'd like you to picture that cigarette and exactly how it looks appearing out of the pack. Can it sometimes appear by you? ” They'll answer yes again. You now will steer their thoughts by painting a fresh picture that reaffirms the bad habit.

“Now I'd like you to picture a poison sign on the pack of smoking, and observe that each cigarette has a poison mark onto it. Which are the poison image? Have you any idea poison is harmful to the body?” They'll answer yes to both questions. Continue with a directive. “Every time you want a cigarette, you will now understand that tobacco has a poison sign to them, okay?” You can go further giving them a fresh feeling. “Each time you have a craving for a cigarette, you will understand that they may be poisonous and you'll not need it. You'll have a few fruits instead, okay?” They'll say yes.

Verify that the imagery is constant with the target you want to achieve. Ask your subject matter, “What exactly are you heading to see when you have a cigarette from the pack?” Your subject matter should say, “A poison mark, something or ” similar. At this true point, if they have no idea, then you should do it again the imagery. If they're conclusive with your imagery, ask what they will do now when they have a craving.

They ought to say, “Eat a bit of fruit” or something similar.

You should ask more questions that verify intent, without sounding critical or as if you don’t believe them, such as, “What exactly are some fruits you will eat if you are craving a cigarette?” They could say banana, apple, whatever. Agree always, even if indeed they say something that's not fruit. After all, you don’t treatment if indeed they eat fruits; your goal is to displace the cigarette craving.

Now role takes on a bit but keeps the same, constant, tone. “What exactly are you heading to do tomorrow when you wish a cigarette?” They could say eat fruits, or they could say they'll start to see the poison image. Both email address details are correct. Agree always.

If indeed they say I’m going to smoke cigarettes that cigarette, then you will need to return through the imagery, always agreeing. You may say, “Okay, let’s consider what that cigarette appears like after it comes from the pack.” And begin following that again.

Once your subject matter is completely agreement to see poison and eat a bit of fruit, tell them the way they should be prepared to feel. Say, “I'd like you to assume feeling satisfied once you eat fruits. The fruits can make you are feeling good. How will the fruits cause you to feel?”They need to say, “I'll feel great” or something similar. You can consider the program successful and end the hypnotic condition.

How to proceed If the topic is Resistant

If anytime the topic is resistant, or if you see any perspiration, stress, or tensing of your body or face, you should stop the test and try again another time. Once you stop the hypnosis, whether successful or not, you must carefully bring your subject matter back again to a mindful condition to avoid stressing the mind in this condition of heightened recognition.

You start to withdraw your subject matter from the hypnotic condition giving them an expectation and let your voice steadily return from soft and lulling to a normal conversational tone. In ways, “I understand you feel very relaxed, like you asleep are, as well as your eye is quite heavy. You 're going to begin feeling more awake as I speak to you now, so when we are completed, you will feel so excellent about not smoking any longer. Are you set to move ahead?” You will simply permit them to awaken by requesting these to take some deep breaths, press and relax different muscles, smile, and open up their eyes.

What is the very best Hypnotism Routine for Newbies?

There is nobody perfect routine for hypnosis. For newbies, the best advice we can provide is to exercise respect for the receiver and persistence with yourself. Learning the practice of hypnosis is no easy to take action. You will find, however, a few general tips that may simplicity the procedure and help you on the way. To recap, we discussed the induction process and recommendation.

An average hypnosis program can be divided into three parts. First, you have the induction (when the topic is brought in to the trance). Second, is named ‘change work.’ This term identifies the process where hypnotic suggestions are accustomed to help the recipient make a positive change. You likely have seen this on the show with a stage hypnotist. Finally, you should come upon the leave process, or how to bring someone out of the trance. Remembering these three tips is an excellent way to learn how to begin and end the hypnotic program.

1. Induction:

Get the subject’s attention

Bypass the mindful mind by keeping their attention (e.g. keep these things consider your eye, use power words, use hypnotic styles that inspire concentrate and rest, show them an image, or tell a tale)

Utilize the unconscious mind

2. Change Work:

Give hypnotic recommendations (e.g inform them to concentrate on your tone of voice, visualize a soothing environment, etc.)

Repeat hypnotic recommendations as a style (e.g. Use explanation, keywords, and phrases like “consider my eye,” “concentrate, “relax and ”.”)

3. Exit:

Before you bring the topic from the hypnotic condition, be sure to block out any recommendations you don't want to remain energetic in their life

Tell you're at the mercy of bringing themselves from the hypnotic trance as you count number backward from three to 1

If the subject matter have trouble ‘waking up,’ inform them it is alright to awaken, to open up their eyes, or even to move

Make sure the topic exercises properly once they awaken

You Are Starting YOUR BRAIN to a Fresh Idea

Since all pain, stress, and dread is managed by the mind, a patient can be trained to simply accept pain as a different feeling through hypnotic suggestions. Like the way yoga works in childbirth, once you've reached circumstances of understanding, you can retrain the human brain to think that when you are feeling a certain pain, it is just the digesting of something necessary within you.

A mom in labor might use hypnosis before childbirth to retrain her brain to think that the excruciating pain of contractions is the pressure of the starting of the pelvis. After the concern with the pain is removed and exchanged with the affordable belief that the feeling is improvement and pressure, the amount of pain recognized by the mind during labor lowers. Doctors and experts have recorded this trend by monitoring brain activity during hypnosis and through the live situation pursuing hypnosis.

Techniques and benefits of Hypnosis

Hypnosis can be quite beneficial, and it is simple to learn with a willing participant relatively! Practice the deep breathing techniques on yourself and say what you use out loud to apply your soothing tone of voice. Make some records of the phrases you use, and maintain an extremely methodical routine.

[shannyfishwriter]

Arrow: “You Will Be Found” 07

Title: You Will Be Found Rating: T Summary: Picks up from where the season five finale (5x23 - Lian Yu) leaves off. *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

"If you're going to take my medical opinion," the doctor said.  "Then I'd advise against another procedure on your spine, especially an elective one, even one as minor as they implant that you've shown me."  There was a pause.  "At least for now.  Your body's been through a lot.  Your spine is finally starting to look like your last scan before your more recent accident." His eyes weren't on the doctor, though, they were on Felicity the whole time.  She looked like she was taking it well, but he wasn't sure if that was honestly the case deep down inside of her.  He was having a hard time hearing it.   "I'll have instructions, exercises, and some modifications I want you to be following in order to continue your healing," the doctor went on.  "That includes physical therapy." "I already know a good one," Felicity spoke up for the first time.   "If you have their contact info, then you can give it to the nurse and she can forward my orders over," the doctor said with a nod.   With that the doctor was gone and they were left alone in the room in silence.  Oliver didn't know what to say or if saying if anything would actually help.  Did they discuss things?  Was it the right time?  Would there be a right time?  Instead, Oliver just reached out with his hand to her, she took it and squeezed it.  That was all.  He just wanted her to know that he was there and he was with her.   Always. *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* Felicity had been quiet and Oliver didn't know when was going to be the best time to discuss things.  They were heading towards where the vehicle was parked, but the fear and guilt were consuming him.  They'd been at a similar point before, but then Curtis had come in with the miracle chip that had allowed her to walk.  Hearing the doctor say that might not be an option made it all harder. "Do you know what time Wimbleton's going to be on the BBC?" Felicity randomly spoke up as they made it to the vehicle.  "I know it's tomorrow, but I'm not sure of the time." "Wimbleton?  BBC?" Felicity shook her head.  "Wimbleton.  It's tennis.  It's like a huge deal in England, which is why it's on the BBC.  The British Broadcasting Corporation." Oliver blinked for a moment, confused at pretty much everything Felicity had just said.  he clicked the key fob to unlock the vehicle and open the trunk.  He tried to process what had been said and how any of it made sense.  "Since when did you start watching tennis?" "I don't," Felicity said like it was the most ridiculous question.   From her tone, he felt even more confused, like he was really missing something from what she'd just said to him.  "Then why the interest for it and Wimbleton?" Felicity rolled herself towards the passenger door and shrugged when she came to a stop.  "I'm more trying to calculate when it will be over." Opening the passenger door with care, he scooped up Felicity and slid her gently into the seat without a thought.  "Why do you need to know when it's over?" "They're announcing the new Doctor." "What?" he blurted out in clear confusion. "The thirteenth Doctor," Felicity tried to clarify.  "There's been all kinds of rumors about who's going to replace Capaldi.  Don't get me wrong, I know a lot of the Classic Who fans really liked him, but he was a little grumpy for my tastes."  She continued to ramble on, not giving Oliver a chance to get a word in.  "But there's this huge want slash need for the Doctor to finally be a woman...and there are so many talented female actors that would be perfect." "This is Doctor Who that you're talking about, isn't it?" Oliver asked as he leaned against the open passenger door.  It had taken him a while to figure out, especially with no keywords like timelord, TARDIS, or time and space being used.   "Of course." "Okay," Oliver said in simple response.  He leaned in and kissed her.  "I love it when you go on about things that confuse me."  He beamed at her.  "Also, I'm sure you can look up the times on your phone." "Right," Felicity said with a slight nod as she just stared back at him with a grin in place.  "We'll have to see how gracious the great Google Gods are today." He let out a light chuckle at that before closing the door and moving to fold up the wheelchair.  As his fingers brushed the canvas-like material, all he could think about was how things had been before.  There were difficult times and there were good times.  None really overshadowed the other.  The good ones had never been because of the implant, but out of their love for each other and in general how full of love, hope, and happiness Felicity always was.  Pushing out a heavy breath and shelving the thought, he got busy folding the wheelchair and moved to put it into the back of the vehicle. Things might be different for them, but some things would always be the same.

Read more on AO3 or ff.net

[aquarianlights]

I AM WIPING MY ENTIRE BLOG SOMETIME SOON! PLEASE READ!!!

That’s right. I am going to do a full wipe of my blog. All 5 years worth of posts. I need to get a flash drive to save all my important pictures and screenshots of reference posts that I need and copies of text post documents that I want to save for the future.

This is going to take a while. Maybe a couple weeks to a month or two depending on my classload for school and the frequency of all my doctors appointments. So if you want to save or screenshot any of my posts, I SUGGEST YOU DO IT VERY SOON.

I will make an announcement the day before I do the wipe. And I will leave it up for exactly 24 hours beforehand so everyone has a chance to prepare and people don’t freak out.

There is a button in the settings where you can wipe your whole blog. It doesn’t allow you to pick and choose what you want to delete and not delete, though. It just does the whole thing. I have well over 60,000 posts. Maybe several 10k’s more than that. Idr. But I need to go through every single page of my blog and save all the important stuff to a password protected flash drive. And seeing as my blog is literally 5+ years old, that’s going to take a LONG FUCKING TIME.

So I’m guesstimating maybe a month or two before this actually happens but I have made up my mind that I am going to start over entirely. There are traces of my most abusive exes all over my blog and traces of bad, bad, bad, awful times in my life that I want to forget. And with this new beginning, where I have deleted all the evidence of my abusive exes from everything possible other than tumblr (my instagram, twitter, snapchat, my phone folders, my cloud, facebook, etc etc etc...), I need to wipe the last remaining bits of them from my life. And I need to erase the personality that was Ezri who took over for one of my abusive exes as she was a miserable, completely fake, hideous personality. And there are just tons of things on my blog buried way back from years past that I do not want to remember and do not want any trace of.

So I have made up my mind to do the sweep. I did not make this decision lightly since this is 5+ years of my life right here. . .but after deleting all the photos and evidence of my abusive exes from everywhere else, I was so ridiculously refreshed and relieved and I feel like this is the last thing holding me back.

I MAY (keyword: MAY) go through every single page and just erase all the things I want to disappear. But. . .it’s more likely that I am just going to do a full wipe. It’s much easier. But since I will be going through every page anyways, I MIGHT just do that instead. When the time gets closer, I will let you know what I am going to do.

REGARDLESS OF WHAT I DO, MY BLOG WILL LIVE ON FOR AS LONG AS THIS SITE IS ACTIVE. I can assure you of that. And anon will forever be turned on. I have not turned anon off since I first made this blog 5+ years ago and I do not plan to turn it off anytime soon. I quite enjoy the anon feature, even if I do get some trolls trying their hardest to upset me from time to time (which I use as personal entertainment anyways). More often than not, I get very sweet anon messages from people who are just too scared or intimidated to talk to me because of my strong, somewhat overbearing personality and my brutal honesty. So I just want to assure you all that anon will remain on no matter what.

And I also want to assure all of you that my blog will live on and I will keep my queue flowing nonstop like I have for the past 5+ years. I have only had my queue run out twice the entire time I have had this blog. So. . .I am more than dedicated to this site and my followers.

I have made SO MANY friends through this site and it has been a seriously helpful thing for when I was extremely suicidal and giving in to self destructive urges. The tumblr community never fails to come to my aid when I am hurting and I will be forever grateful for that.

I am probably going to TRY to do the latter thing I mentioned where I just go through each page and delete all the things I don’t want to be have on my blog anymore. The only problem with that is that will trigger me to no end and I will have to take a LOT of emotional breaks to collect myself. It could destroy me and I’m not sure I’m ready for it. Which is why wiping my whole blog would be preferable to me.

But for the sake of preserving 5+ years of my life, I am going to try to do that first. If I fail, I will save the important things by skimming through the pages without really looking too closely at the triggering things and then I will wipe it clean.

No, I am not giving up my semi-legendary url. No fucking way. This url has been a part of me for so damn long and it means so damn much to me that there’s no way I’m going to change my url for as long as I live and as long as this site is active.

I will do everything I can to warn you all ahead of time when I am about to do it, though! So no worries. And after I wipe it, I will make a post about it for those who missed my warnings so no one freaks out on me.

But even if I go with the option of going through every page and deleting things I don’t want on my blog anymore, it’s very likely that I will delete something someone may want to keep. So if you have some posts on my blog that you are fond of and can’t bear to part with, I suggest you save them or screenshot them VERY soon. Like, within the next week soon. Because I am starting this long, monotonous, painstaking journey of deleting things either later tonight or tomorrow.

THIS HAS BEEN A PSA! MY BLOG WILL LIVE ON! NO WORRIES. I’m just starting over. . .new life, new priorities, new name, new identity, new outlook on life. . .I need a clean slate to match the fact that I am getting a second chance at life and I am going to take that chance and live it to the fullest. I don’t need reminders of the negative things that have happened in my life. And I don’t need reminders of all the other personalities that have been in control of this blog and this body. I am here to stay unless Riley comes back, which I am totally fine with. So. . .HERE’S TO NEW BEGINNINGS!

[writerly-love]

Not Today

Genre: Fluff, Doctor!AU

Word Count: 1,922

Summary: (A sequel to Tease) The recent change in Jungkook has you more confused than ever, you really wish he would just tell you why he's acting this way. Maybe if he did you would be able to finally figure out your own feelings. 

A/N: I’m......I recently found out how many followers I have and oh my gosh this is so unexpected. Thank you all so much! I wrote this for all of you because I love each and every person who follows this blog. I might change the title when I wake up tomorrow I just can’t think.

You couldn’t believe what you were doing. 

Here you were spending your precious break time at lunch with the doctor you thought you hated most. The keyword here is thought. 

For the past few weeks he would not leave you alone and spent all of his extra time with you somehow. At first it was overwhelming because here is the best doctor in your department hovering over your shoulder at all times and checking up on you. You thought it was hell because you were sure he would catch every minuscule mistake you made and it just made you so nervous. But then he unbelievable happened. He started complimenting you. 

“Good job on the last surgery [Y/N]!” 

“Wow those stitches look great!” 

“Your patients are all healing up so well you’re doing a really great job!” 

It truly confused you to the point of practically running away when you saw him in the area. It had gotten to the point of you spending your lunch breaks on the roof where he couldn’t find you and ducking behind random columns in the hall whenever you saw him walking past. You couldn't wrap your mind around why he was acting this way and why it was making you feel this way. 

Every time he complimenting you or even smiled at you there was an eruption of butterflies fluttering in the bottom of your stomach.You got nervous and jittery even being in the same room as him, and recently to your horror he had even invaded your dreams with his cute smile and shining eyes. 

You knew very well what these were symptoms of, but you refused to believe you had a crush on Jeon Jungkook of all people. There was no way it was possible. He was your rival during your internship, the two of you were always going head to head there no way a relationship like that could lead to a relationship like....this? Whatever this was. Now that you think about it, what was the kind of relationship you had with Jungkook now? 

“[Y/N] can I have your fries?” His question brought you out of your thoughts and you frowned at him as he reached over to grab at your plate. 

You slid your plate out of his reached and glared at him. “Jeon Jungkook keep your hands off my fries! You always insist on sitting with me during lunch and eating my food!” 

“It tastes better when its yours.” He smiles at you and your heart skips a beat in response. You mentally curse yourself for reacting that way and quickly looked away to avoid eye contact. 

“I-I don’t care how it tastes get your own-Hey!” While you were distracted a sneaky hand snuck its way onto your plate and you caught the end result when Jungkook stuffed the deep fried delights into his mouth, some sticking out as he looked at you amusedly.

“Jeon Jungkook!” You huffed at his irritating smile that was cute even with a mouth full of french fries. “Just take my tray if you want my food so badly! My break is over anyway...” Sighing, you slid your plate over to him and got ups from your seat to go back to work. 

“Wait for me [Y/N] I’ll go with you.” Jungkook jumped up from his seat as well and you stopped in your tracks to frown at him. 

“I thought you wanted to finish your fries?” 

“I’d rather go back to work with you, lets go!” 

He wrapped an arm around your shoulders, causing your heart to thump rapidly against your chest, and you looked up at him hoping your nervousness wasn’t shown on your face. When you reached up and grabbed his hand to move his arm from its offending position on your shoulders he took that chance and grabbed your hand instead, continuing to lead you to the elevators. 

“Jungk-” 

“Lets go! We have patients to attend to!”

It was finally the end of your shift and you were taking a quick rest in the break room before packing up and heading home. The only other person in the room another doctor who was passed out at the table next to the one you were currently sitting at. You enjoyed the silence for once and took the time to think about how your shift had went and the health of your patients. For some reason your thoughts started drifting to that familiar bunny like smile, those dark eyes, and the soft hand that had intertwined with yours earlier that day. 

Jeon Jungkook

Here he goes again, worming himself back into your mind like a pest you can’t seem to get rid of. Sure, he was handsome...and funny sometimes...and charming....but that didn’t give him the right to invade your heart like this! Heart? Did you just? Nope, this was not happening you weren’t going to admit to yourself that you actually felt something for Jeon Jungkook. Never in a million years. 

“Oh! You’re still here. I thought you’d be gone by now.” 

Damn. There goes your heart. At the sound of his voice the traitor began its usual game, speeding up and thumping wildly against your chest. You were afraid that one day it would jump right out. 

“I’m so tired I couldn’t get up for a moment.” You laughed tiredly. 

A look of concern crossed his face as he looked you over, you noticed how the area between his brows scrunched up and how cute his expression was. “Are you getting sick? Maybe you should request some days off.” 

You waved him off, pushing his outreached hand away before it got to touch your forehead. “I’m a doctor I’d know if I was sick.” 

“Then why have you just been sitting here if your shift was over twenty minutes ago? Were you thinking about me?”

You had opened your mouth to argue when a thought came to you, this was the perfect time to ask what was going on. “Actually, I was thinking about you,” Jungkook’s eyebrows shot up, surprised that you would actually think about him much less admit it. “I was wondering why you’ve been acting so weird lately. The compliments, having lunch break with me, spending all of your free time around me. You’ve never acted like this the entire time I’ve known you.”

A different side of Jungkook appeared as he sat back in his chair and you noticed the tips of his ears began to go red. He was silent for a moment and you were wondering if you hit the jackpot with your question. You smiled triumphantly. After all this time you were finally the one to refer him speechless instead of the other way around. It was truly a cause of celebration. Before you got to open your mouth to tease him Jungkook began to talk. 

“A friend told me to try complimenting and actually being nice instead of teasing you all the time and if I spent more time with you we would get closer.” He began fiddling with his hands nervously. 

Wait.

Why did he need to ask a friend for advice about how to get close to you? 

Does he want to be friends? Weren’t you already kind of friends? 

Then does that mean...

“Jungkook do you like me?” 

He flinches as the question but covers it up with a teasing smile and a fake laugh. “Of course I like you we work together and we’re kind of friends-” 

“You know what I mean Jungkook!” 

“Yes!” 

“Yes what?” 

“Yes I like you!”

“You like me?” 

“Yes!”

“Will the both of you stop yelling! I have five minutes left of my break and you’re making too much noise for me to actually relax.” The man from earlier that was asleep was now wide awake and glaring at us from the other table. You now recognized him as Dr. Kim, an older more experienced doctor and got a bit embarrassed that you had this conversation in front of him. 

“I’m sorry I forgot you were here.” 

“Just go and kiss and talk loudly outside of this room somewhere!” He grumbled, ignoring you completely as he put his head back on the table and slumped down. 

You looked over at Jungkook and you both wore expressions of embarrassment but were also seconds away from laughing. Quietly, as to not disturb the other doctor again, you stood from your seat and motioned with a nod of your head for jungkook to follow you. The both of you exit into the hallway and you close the door softly behind you before looking at each other and bursting into laughter. 

“Oh that was so embarrassing!” You laughed and buried your face into your hands. 

“You think that was embarrassing! I just practically proclaimed my love for you and Dr. Kim witnessed the whole thing!” Jungkook groaned and ran a hand through his hair, making it messy and successfully pulling your attention to his hair and how soft it looked. 

“You like me!” 

“I do.” 

“I can’t believe it I like you too! Wait...” 

“You like me?” Jungkook looked at you, his eyes wide and shock written clearly on his face. You wanted to melt into the ground, you can’t believe you actually blurted that out right in front of him!

“Yes?” 

“You don’t sound too sure.” 

“I think I do like you? Its just hard to wrap my mind around because we’ve always been in this teasing relationship and suddenly I’m starting to feel things and think you’re cute and want to run my hands through your hair. And despite sometimes being a little too cocky for your own good, you’re good at what you do and charming and nice so your personality is attractive too. Its just confusing, but yeah I think I like you.” A rush of embarrassment came over you and you put your face into your hands again as you back away from jungkook to face the wall. 

You hear him laugh ad you just know he's looking at you with that irritating smirk on his face. “You think I’m cute?” 

“Is that the only thing that stood out to you?” You whirled around to face him, only to be met with him laughing, like you expected he would be. 

“I think you’re cute too! Really cute actually. The cute way you get embarrassed like now, when you get irritated when I tease you and you make that cute face. Especially when you laugh because your laugh is so cute. And your personality is cute too, you’re so nice and you always get so flustered when I tease you, but you love coming up with comebacks too. You’re also really smart and one of the best doctors in our section.” The more he talked the wider your smile became and soon you were practically a puddle. 

You lightly smacked his arm, wanting him to stop. “Okay I get it! We’re both cute!”

“We are cute, and now that we know we both like each other are we something else?” 

“We’re......” You leaned toward him as you looked him in the eyes, causing him to slowly start leaning towards you as well, but as you got sloe enough to almost touch noses you ducked past him and started down the hall. “We’re going to talk about this when I get back!” 

“[Y/N]!” He called as your laugh echoed down the hall. “You’re such a tease!”

[6gpymfzi-blog]

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