#when they finally fuck this season the earth will shatter

[shesnake]

Myha'la & Marisa Abela in Industry season 3 (2024).

[hush-writes-preg]

Spooky Season Day #13

Concept: Imagine finding yourself intoxicated with the pheromones of a werewolf's heat. You're flipped onto your belly and mounted like a bitch, their straining cock sliding deep into your hot, eager hole. This is no soft, gentle fucking; they pump into you with a ferocity and feral hunger that nearly sends your eyes rolling back in your skull. Their knot is a hot threat pounding against your entrance with blatant intent, and you know where they want it. Where you want it. When they finally drive it home, your climax crashes over you in an earth-shattering tidal wave. You're screaming out in pained pleasure, feeling them twitching inside you with every jet of potent seed into your unprotected womb, the knot plugging you up to ensure conception.

Months pass, and their seed has taken root. Their litter shifts and squirms in your belly, especially when they continue to pleasure themselves in your gravid body. Clawed, furred paws rub fondly over your massive abdomen while they're pumping you full of a fresh load, and you can't imagine going back to your old life.

(A Spooky Season prompt. Feel free to put it to good use! 😘)

[piko-power]

If there's one thing from Season 2 of Sonic Prime that lives rent free in my head, it's THIS-

It's a small moment, but so much is dissected in just three seconds of this one shot.

Mainly the expression and the voice from Sonic here.

Deven Mack's delivery on screaming out for Shadow's name is just, incredible. You can literally hear the fear in Sonic's tone when Shadow got slammed by some giant crystals and fell into the void. (or whatever the heck it's called I'm thinking about rewatching some episodes until Season 3)

And since we can recall the final moments in Adventure 2 where Shadow falls to the Earth, and apparently knowing that according to one of the Takeovers, Sonic was going to save him but Shadow refused him to so that way he wouldn't fall with him, this just makes this moment, and the delivery alone, even more intense, if not, heartbreaking. (At least in my opinion lol)

And we need to mention the eyes.

I couldn't help but notice some of the smallest of details not a lot of people pay attention to, unless you're me, who goes insane over outstanding animation details. XD

My personal favorite details are the eyes, since they express a lot of emotion without words. This is the best example.

These emerald eyes? Right here? Fucking horrified of loosing Shadow.

Frantically looking around the darkness looking for a black and red figure and just praying that he's still there, but especially alive and okay.

This tiny moment here just means so much to me.

Sonic here, for a split second, thought that he lost Shadow, and not only did he nearly loose him again, but Shadow was the only person he knows from his own world, meanwhile his friends (and Eggman) were shattered, and this was also after seeing his friends as ghosts on loop.

And even though earlier they were fighting over Nine's gadgets, Sonic here was worried, if not, terrified, about loosing Shadow, the only one who survived the whole shattering the shards shtick aside from himself.

Plus, he needed someone from his world to talk to anyway (at least try to talk to) since his friends right now don't know who he is, suspects him as a bad guy, betrayed him at some point, all of the above, etc.

He ain't loosing Shadow. He doesn't even care if they were fighting, he is NOT loosing Shadow.

He is NOT loosing his only friend.

And that's why I love this shot here.

And I also wish I can just clip videos instead of just taking pics without said audio god dammit-

[ficnoire2]

An Ode to The King, Briana Irene Matthews

When I say I love this character, I say it with my whole chest.  I cannot begin to express the joy I experienced when one of my fellow educators passed me this book and said “I’ve got a fantasy book for you, and there is a black girl on the cover.”  I am a child of The Neverending Story, Legend, Willow, etc (Google if you need to) and brown faces were few and far between, if there at all.  There are so many things I admire and appreciate about Bree Bree and the power she holds can’t be understated. 

*Spoilers Ahead so Exit Stage Left if You Need To*

Choices

In a story where choice has been hijacked for so many of our faves, I love the choice she makes at the end of Bloodmarked. To choose herself.  I know there has been controversy regarding this but fuck all that, she said what she said.  The fact that black girls need to be perfect and make decisions that are equally as perfect no matter what they are up against is absurd.  That line of thinking has real world consequences.  I love that she tried to consult with elders, those that came before her.  She seemed to be following this implied protocol that did not bear the fruit she’d hoped for.  

When she says, “I realize now why Jessie’s mantra to call root didn’t work for me.”  She said,  “Think of the power you possess and the woman who gave it to you.” I smile sadly,  “I used to think that woman was my mother, and through her, you.  Tried it her way and it didn’t work.  Because you all didn’t give me my power.”  I kneel to face the streams, thrust my hands into the earth from which they came. 

“I did.”

This was a hell of a scene because she is finally shutting off the noise of the outside world, the distracting chatter blocking her self actualization.  Arthur, the ancestors, the Legendborn, and choosing Bree.  Much like she puts the broken pieces of  Excalibur back together, she is in a sense doing the same for herself (pain welded blade).  It even bears a deep purple stone in the pommel. The color meant to speak to this pain, this literal and figurative bruising and beating she has taken.  In addition, the choice to go with Erebus and the uncertainty that hangs there was pure fearlessness.  As her character sheet says, she is intrepid, bold.  The way she is written, you just know it is in her soul.  As Tracy says in her dedication, For every Black girl who was “the first.”  Black is capitalized here, emphasized, because we are often demonized for making decisions or having experiences that those that came before may not have had the courage or opportunity to step into.  The First.  In Bree’s line everyone ran and she decided to stop running and turn to face the unknown, whatever may come with her chin up.  

In addition to being a clever badass, I loved watching how she navigated her relationships with Nick and Sel.  Again, another hot button topic where folks are clutching pearls and clenching ass cheeks.  I am not interested in “ship wars” but what did catch my eye was the way Bree allowed herself to be loved on.  The safety and soft intimacy she received and craved from Nick in a time where her world had been completely shattered was beautiful to read.  “I’m impressed, despite my still racing heartbeat.  How does he do it?  How does this boy navigate my emotions like a seasoned sailor, finding the clear skies and bringing them closer, when all I seem able to do is hold fast to the storms?”  He is patient with her.  The way he speaks, comforting and protective.  I love that she had this!  The giddiness at that age of meeting someone that makes you dizzy in the best way.  I love that Bree allowed herself to experience the respite Nick offered.  That relationship represents the light in her, hearkens back to a simpler time.

I also think Bree enjoys the challenge Sel presents.  Aside from him trying to kill her in the beginning (and being an all around asshole), she always seems to find interest in him (her shadow side).  “He’s dressed in black, as always, but his long coat is gone.  His tattoos are on full display below sleeves rolled at the elbow.  They wind down his forearms and wrists, and I can’t help but study them.  I wonder how far they go and how many he has before I remember that I detest him and shouldn’t care about his tattoos at all.”  

Bree is fiery (quite literally) and finds herself drawn to the darkness and mystery of Sel.  In truth, she likes to stir the pot.  When Vaughn is giving her shit about being Nick’s page, she intentionally fucks with him.  “But I’m not going to disappear.  And I don’t want to keep my head down.  Instead, I’m going to give Vaughn a glimpse of who I really am, and show him exactly who I’m not.”

She then throws the haymaker, “You’re a bigot and a bully, Scheafer.  You insult me because you think you know what I am capable of, but you don’t.  I must make you nervous, though, for you to expose your insecurities about your odds of success in the tournament.”

Long story short, Briana Irene is with the shits! How many times have you had to check in a loser such as Vaughn, who in all their mediocrity, thinks they are superior?  I love that she essentially says, “aight then.”

I say all that to say that I like that she is feeling her feelings.  She can acknowledge and accept the safety and easiness of Nick, while also reveling in the mystery and chaos of Sel.  Those two desires can (and do) live in the same body.  I love that this is confusing for her and she grapples with it because, what 16 year old wouldn’t! Low key/high key, folks my age would grapple with certain aspects of that but again, her choices.  

Bree is supposed to be complicated. At times infuriating.  I find it strange however, when folks don’t give her the space she has earned to develop.  So many of us Black girls are not afforded this space.  No room to grow, change our minds, or choose a different path.  She is grappling with grief and grief is messy, complicated.  The vessel in which she entered the world ceases to exist on the plane of the living and she is floating in the darkness and uncertainty of that.  “Your anguish is wrapped around your very heart.”   Not to mention navigating racism, sexism, supernatural beings, and understanding her own body and power.  That is a tall order.  She represents multitudes of girls who were “the first” and I am so glad I get to witness her in all her flaws and greatness.  THE KING.  Rumble black girl, rumble.  

[irisbleufic]

This will probably feel like it’s coming out of the blue, as The Simpsons isn’t something I’m known for posting on main, but like…I’ve had a long-term fascination with this show. I saw the first few seasons when I was a kid. I had to watch it at a friend’s place and my grandparents’ place, because, like many parents raising kids/teens in the 1980s-1990s, mine were convinced Bart was a bad influence. Lisa’s ambition and cleverness have always meant a lot to me, but this strange rumination has more to do with my eternal puzzlement over the bad rap Bart has gotten from parents.

I can say more than ever, especially with regard to the past decade or more of seasons, that Bart is actually a really sweet kid. Mischievous and bored, but genuinely sweet. Meanwhile, Lisa’s got a devious streak a mile wide and is probably the fictional kid my parents should have been most worried about teaching me dubious behavior and scheming (because she knows how not to get caught).

I’m sure this conversation has been had many times over on the internet, but this moment of navel gazing in the wake of watching the first handful of episodes from the latest run (Season 35, how the fuck has this show been around for all but the first 7 years of my life?) just feels…necessary somehow. Every once in a while, when a piece of media has been with me for a long time, I’ll have this weird realization that the character who means the most to me isn’t the one in whom I saw the obvious parts of myself at first.

Sure, I’ve always been a dutiful, ambitious student—even now that I’m an adult who teaches college undergrads, I don’t think I’ve ever shed that. But I was also that weird, imaginative, often-bullied kid who didn’t know they were neurodivergent, who got yelled at for not paying attention during class and sneaking off to the woods adjacent to my elementary school during recess. Sometimes, I took the fall for the occasional prank my few close friends and I would play because I wasn’t good at getting out of the way in time. I had a real disdain for authority, although I knew how to hide it from the few teachers and admins I genuinely liked/respected.

I don’t really have an earth-shattering point to make here except that, huh, it’s neat to realize Bart is the one I related to the most all along. It never even occurred to me that we’re both oldest children; Lisa is eldest-coded sometimes even though she’s the middle kid, but…damn, if Bart’s experience as the oldest isn’t similar to mine. You get cracked down on, get in trouble for, things that your parents can’t be arsed to go after by the time your younger siblings come along. You love those little shits with all your heart even though they aren’t above rubbing their immunity in your face. You shatter beneath the pressure of things that finally, finally hurt too much to keep up the tough-guy façade.

Anyway, Bart: my parents were wrong about you. Everyone’s parents were. I feel that even more strongly as an adult than I did when I was a kid. And the kids like you, like us—more sensitive than meets the eye, mind always racing a mile a minute, mischievously curious, all too often misunderstood—are the reason I became a teacher. Thank you for that.

I’ve been saying to friends for a long time, when The Simpsons comes up in conversation, that the cast of this show are our Players: “Let them be well used, for they are the abstract and brief chronicles of the time. After your death you were better have a bad epitaph than their ill report while you live.”

[makeste]

update part two: THE SPOILERING

~*~THIS POST IS ENTIRELY ABOUT BNHA MANGA SPOILERS.~*~ IF YOU ARE NOT CAUGHT UP WITH THE CURRENT EVENTS OF THE BNHA MANGA, PLEASE DO NOT READ THIS POST. I do have a separate "hey guys I'm back" update post here which is spoiler-free!

THIS POST, THOUGH, IS NOT SPOILER-FREE. IT IS THE OPPOSITE OF SPOILER-FREE. IT EXISTS SOLELY FOR THE PURPOSE OF DISCUSSING THE BIGGEST, MOST SPOILERLY SPOILERS EVER. IF THAT IS NOT YOUR DESIRE, PLEASE PROCEED AWAY FROM THIS POST WITH ALL HASTE.

I am, however, assuming that something like 90% of this blog's readership does, in fact, know exactly what this post is about, which is why we are going to TALK ABOUT IT right here and right now underneath this tidy read-more.

okay, so! gonna stick with the random imaginary Q&A format from my other post just to make things easier.

1. "wow makeste, way to randomly go on spoiler lockdown hiatus for NINE WHOLE MONTHS only to MAGNIFICENTLY DROP THE BALL by running smack dab into THE BIGGEST BNHA SPOILER OF ALL TIME."

I know right??

2. "so what do you have to say for yourself."

short version: I made the critical tactical error of existing as a human being in the general vicinity of the internet in early August 2022. very poor move on my part. rookie mistake.

long version: so there I was, minding my own business, watching the trailer for BnHA season 6, as one does. when out of nowhere, YouTube's algorithm decided to be all "OH? THIS PERSON LIKES MY HERO ACADEMIA? BOY DO I HAVE A RECOMMENDATION FOR THEM." next thing I know, I'm scrolling through my YT home page and ALL OF A SUDDEN THERE'S A DETAILED PICTURE OF MY SON'S MANGLED BLOODY CORPSE, RIGHT NEXT TO AN ALL-CAPS DESCRIPTION READING -- I SHIT YOU NOT -- "BAKUGOU REALLY JUST DIED!!! THIS CHANGES EVERYTHING!"

seriously though. that is word-for-word verbatim what it said. the internet literally got right up in my face and said "OHOHO!! LOOKS LIKE SOMEBODY FORGOT TO DELETE LITERALLY ONE SINGLE MHA-RELATED VIDEO FROM THEIR WATCH HISTORY! TIME TO DESTROY HALF A YEAR'S WORTH OF PAINSTAKINGLY DILIGENT SPOILER AVOIDANCE IN ONE EARTH-SHATTERING BLOW!" and just like that, my miraculous fate-tempting seven month spoiler-free streak came to an end. the sequel to blah blah SIXQUIRKS. something something BAKUGOU DIED. JUST THOUGHT WE'D SHARE THAT LITTLE UPDATE WITH YOU. HAVE A GOOD ONE, AND DRIVE SAFE!

so naturally my first reaction was basically just. looooooool :) :) :) what the fuck.

here I am. a working mom. who left her seventeen-year-old fictional son in the care of a 36-year-old Japanese man for the better part of a year because HE SAID he would take good care of him. Jump Festa 2022!! quote unquote!! "I’ve said this to Okamoto [Nobuhiko]-kun in LINE, but Katsuki will be having his greatest scene in the manga in future developments. I hope people who like Katsuki and hate Katsuki will look forward to it." bruh. we have the receipts right here! "greatest scene," he said! oh, goody, I said! something to look forward to when I finally have the time to catch up! "yes," Horikoshi smiles evilly. "something to look forward to, indeed." this fucking guy. can you even believe.

and just to be clear, when I say that I was otherwise 100% not-spoiled up until this point, I mean it. one hundred percent. I had absolutely ZERO knowledge of anything past chapter 339. the last I saw of Bakugou, he was hanging out with the rest his class showing off his cool new moves to Deku and being blindsided by Aoyama's betrayal and stuff. then bam. seven months later, fate mails me a postcard of him lying on the ground with a bloody hole in his chest. like WOW, OKAY. ZERO CHILL. OF COURSE THIS WOULD HAPPEN THE ONE TIME I DECIDE TO GO ON HIATUS FOR TWO HUNDRED DAYS, SMDH.

anyway so that's my story.

3. "so exactly how spoiled are you?"

lol I'm not even sure. I guess my best answer would be, "SOMEWHAT?"

or, if you don't mind reading more words, I can tell you exactly how spoiled I am by summarizing the Things That I Do Know in a bullet list.

THINGS THAT I KNOW

all of this apparently takes place between chapters 359 and 362, with 362 being the big "oh he DEAD dead" chapter. I think. based on all the fics that have since cropped up on AO3 with ominous chapter 362 spoiler tags.

I am pretty sure Bakugou was fighting either Tomura or AFO when it happened.

I have this vague idea that somehow his heart exploded or something?? like I don't really know the details, but that's what I've been able to glean.

apparently Jeanist and Edgeshot were involved in some sort of effort to save him?? but apparently that didn't work out too well I guess. OR DID IT? I actually do not know.

I have the vague impression Edgeshot may have also died, somehow, as a result of those heroic efforts. OR DID HE? again, I actually do not know at all. this is basically the knowledge equivalent of me overhearing half of a phone conversation between two people who were trying to recollect half of a phone conversation that they in turn overheard, several months earlier.

lastly, I know that Bakugou was apparently carrying around his All Might trading card from waaaay back in his chapter 118 flashbacks, in his pocket or something. because he's a giant fanboy nerd. who wanted All Might to sign it. but was too shy to ask I guess. "WHO COULD HAVE SEEN THIS SENSITIVE SIDE OF HIM COMING?? BAKUGOU CARES ABOUT THINGS??? HE REALLY DID LOOK UP TO ALL MIGHT JUST AS MUCH AS DEKU THE ENTIRE TIME??? WHAT A DEVASTATING REVEAL?!?" is how we were supposed to react to this, I'm guessing, lol. but I'll have you know that SOME of us have already written approximately 1200 essays on how much of a secretly sensitive All Might weeb Bakugou is, and so WERE ACTUALLY NOT SURPRISED AT ALL! yeah that's right! TAKE THAT HORIKOSHI. TRYING TO CATCH ME OFF GUARD AND MAKE ME CRY. WELL YOU WASTED YOUR GODDAMN TIME, because I would have cried anyway! and I did cry! and I will cry again!

anyway so yeah. and I think the card got blown up and/or otherwise destroyed somehow, just to add insult to injury. which, don't tell anyone, but between you and me, I'm not sure what he expected. "let me just take my precious limited edition All Might trading card, my most prized possession, along with me into the intense final battle with the final villain. for good luck or whatever. there's no way this could possibly end badly." did he even bother to put it in a zipper pocket. wtf were you thinking Katsuki. again I do not actually have the slightest idea since I have not actually read this chapter lol.

anyway! so that's everything I know! and let me just add to that a quick summary of things which I in turn do NOT know, the short version of which is: Literally Everything Other Than What I Just Typed Above. including but not limited to:

whether Bakugou actually was fighting Tomura, or AFO, or both. ??

who was fighting with him (except that for some reason or another Deku wasn't there, because I guess he fucked off to go do something else?? you and I fell into the exact same trap there, Deku. "surely Kacchan will be fine and dandy for the next five minutes or hours or days or however long while I go take care of this Other Important Business." yeah, you would think so, wouldn't you? BUT WE LEARNED OUR LESSON, DIDN'T WE.)

what Deku’s reaction was (but I’m gonna go out on a limb here and say: PISSED)

literally anything else about the context of this fight, including where, when, and why it took place.

literally everything else that has happened in the manga since chapter 339. for real you guys. I just have to stress again how utterly out of the blue this was for me. to read this spoiler completely without context. WHAT HAVE THESE CHILDREN BEEN DOING FOR THE PAST NINE MONTHS. I'm terrified to learn the answers lol.

anyways but moving on now to the most important section of this post, starting with the one question which I think is by far the most pressing and important, and which I can thankfully answer with a single sentence.

4. "so... do you think he actually is dead?"

no lol.

but since you insist, here is my list of Reasons Why I Don't Think Bakugou Is Actually Dead, based on my nonexistent knowledge of the events of the past 40 chapters, and the actual context and details of his death. and I guarantee there is not a single point here which has not already been discussed to death on thousands of other blogs, but dammit I've been stuck without an outlet for all these thoughts since August, so the hell with it:

so for starters, in my experience, characters whose older selves narrate the story From The Future ("in that moment, there were no thoughts in my head... my body just moved on its own") tend to be pretty immune from dying, overall. just throwing that out there.

from day one, the series has made it very clear that this is the story of how Izuku becomes "the greatest hero" (more recently retconned/updated to become a pluralized "this is the story of how we ALL became the greatest heroes").

also from day one, Katsuki's narrative arc has been set up as a (first contrasting, and then later evolving to be more complementary) parallel to Izuku's, down to them having the same goal.

as the series has progressed, that concept of "becoming the greatest hero" has been further defined as "becoming a hero who always wins no matter what, and always saves everyone no matter what."

Katsuki in particular has expanded on this idea to emphasize that the greatest heroes are the ones who save EVERYONE, no matter what. "I made a pledge! I will achieve absolute victory, every time! we're taking this 4-0, no casualties! the strong don't settle for anything less!" and more recently, "because to live up to those ideals and surpass All Might... we gotta save you, the civilians at U.A., and the people on the streets. because saving people is how we win."

therefore, any victory in which either Katsuki or Izuku dies in order to defeat AFO is not a perfect victory, and will not result in them becoming the greatest heroes.

this is also a flagship Shounen Jump manga and the spiritual successor to the Big Three, meaning this would basically be the equivalent of killing off Sasuke or Zoro or Rukia. a.k.a. not gonna happen ever lol.

on top of that, it's also Horikoshi's tribute to Western comics, particularly those produced by Marvel, a.k.a. the guys who practically invented the No One Ever Stays Dead trope.

and last (actually not last but this really is getting too long) but not least, the number one reason why Katsuki cannot and will not actually die: because AFO does not get to win. seriously. he just doesn't. he got to kill All Might's important person and be all smug and cruel about it. he killed Nana's family and was all smug and cruel about it. he's tormented generations of heroes by deliberately targeting the people they love most. and so even without me knowing the actual context or circumstances of Katsuki's supposed "death", I have no doubt that's why it happened, because that's what AFO does. and that's who Deku loves. and so of course AFO would try it, yet again. that's his fucking modus operandi

but, because he is the final villain, we know he is going to lose in the end. and so this, imo, is the biggest and simplest reason why Katsuki isn't dead: because if he is actually dead, then AFO wins. even if he himself dies in the end. he gets to go down knowing that he took a part of the hero with him. he gets to hold on to that one last triumph. even though he loses, he keeps the hero from winning and saving, and he gets to savor that.

so, since we know that he's NOT going to win, because this is a "good guys win" type of story and not an "evil prevails, sorry, it's called REAL LIFE, bitches, enjoy your tears" type of story, that means that Katsuki is not actually dead. or will not stay dead. either way. period.

anyway so yeah! that's basically the gist, though by no means are these all of my comprehensive thoughts, and I can safely promise you many more rants to come, especially as I prepare to take on the challenge of reading through 39 new BnHA chapters with the foreknowledge of my son's untimely not-death looming in the back of my mind the whole time! looking forward to that! both ironically and unironically! should be interesting to say the least lol.

so on that note, one final q&a before we conclude:

5. "is it cool to discuss other manga spoilers with you?"

I would prefer not to, mainly in the hopes of trying to preserve as much of the "pure" unspoiled liveblog experience as possible, both for myself and for anyone else who cares to actually read said liveblogs. I do already feel bad for depriving people of the experience of watching me naively frolic my way through the upcoming arc(s) all BLISSFULLY UNAWARES lol. instead you'll have to settle for watching me timidly cry my way through while yelling at every single character who blindly tempts fate with their stupid foreshadowing comments. and don't even try to tell me there won't be foreshadowing comments. I know what type of story I'm reading. and more importantly, I know exactly the type of person who's writing it. ~*~gReAtEsT sCeNe~*~. you son of a bitch. THIS ISN'T OVER, HORIKOSHI.

anyway, so basically I would prefer to be as spoiler-free as possible, same as always. but I also no longer have the time or frankly the will to police every potential spoiler out there, so at the end of the day I'm pretty much just going to leave it up to you guys! also because I figure that at this point, WHAT'S THE WORST THAT CAN HAPPEN lol. (but for real there's probably a ton of important stuff that could easily be ruined still, so yeah if you don't mind let's just try to steer clear of all that lol.)

[thegenvyisreal]

Good Omens Season 2 Episode 6 Thoughts (for real this time)

Let's just take this chronologically so I can lose my mind at the end.

Crowley in heaven! What a dork! He looks lovely I hope SO MANY PPL cosplay him.

OKAY. OKAY LISTEN. I know we never got Crowley's angelic name but that demon was a SERAPH I WILL NOT BE TAKING QUESTIONS. I AM A RAPHAEL!CROWLEY TRUTHER AND WILL BE SO UNTIL PROVEN OTHERWISE.

He's so powerful! Someone on here pointed out that when Gabriel in the recording said he was the only supreme (or level 1 or something?) archangel in heaven it panned immediately to Crowley. MY MAN. MY GIRL. CROWLEY IS SO IMPORTANT!!

Throwing encyclopedias at the demons and Aziraphale wincing, boy I feel you.

And shax made fun of Zira for liking food?? Okay fat shamer! Get fucked!

Wartime Halo Demon Bomb?? Great band name.

Crowley defusing a war with just saying "no, bad, do NOT"? The power he has!!

OMG

INEFFABLE

BUREAUCRACY

First of all, I THOUGHT the fly was a Beelzebub thing! I just didn't think it had Gabriel's memories in it.

Their little love story was cute, but explain to me HOW we were supposed to deduce why the jukebox is the way it is or WHY Gabe lost his memories without the Bureaucracy exposition??? NEIL YOU WANTED US TO FIGURE IT OUT BUT HOW???

Good for them for going off together but it's just so SILLY how THEY get to have that and our duo DON'T. I do not like it.

Okay. Let's get on with it.

So I DON'T get my angsty finale, but I do get something INFINITELY WORSE.

Maggie and Nina coming to Crowley to tell him what's up. Good for them!

Nina calling Maggie Angel I ALMOST FELL OUT OF MY CHAIR

Hell yes Derek Jacobi you're so lovely but I want to punch the Metatron in the FACE.

Why on earth would you get Zira THAT coffee?? He doesn't drink coffee!! Is this some power trip?? Is there SOMETHING IN THE COFFEE???

Aziraphale. Sweetie. Darling. Dear boy. You're so STUPID.

Crowley being like, I need to tell you this right now or I may never be able to say it. And Zira like, hold that thought! YOU RUDE LITTLE BITCH LET HIM SPEAK.

Aziraphale. WHY. WHY DO YOU INSIST THAT HEAVEN IS SO WONDERFUL AND GOOD!!! THEY SUCK!! THEY HURT PEOPLE!! YOU LITERALLY LIED TO THEM ABOUT JOB'S KIDS CUZ YOU KNEW THEY WERE WRONG!! WHY DO YOU KEEP DEFENDING THEM!!

Crowley confessing. Begging Aziraphale not to do this. Aziraphale not understanding why Crowley WOULDN'T want to do this. ZIRA AFTER EVERYTHING CROWLEY'S BEEN THRU YOU WANT HIM TO GO BACK TO HIS ABUSIVE FAMILY???

The kiss.

My heart shattered.

I've been waiting for this moment for over a month, and I got it in the WORST POSSIBLE WAY. Crowley's desperation, Aziraphale not knowing how to react. Not reacting at all. Crowley kissed him and he just stood there.

Sidebar: I KNOW that Aziraphale KNOWS that he's in love with Crowley. He KNEW in 1941. You dumbass. You imbecile. You fucker. Why.

"I forgive you".

LITERALLY MURDER ME

I want to understand him. I am Aziraphale-coded for sure. But I guess I'm also Crowley-coded?? Idk what to do with my feelings.

The WAY he SAYS the line. The ACTING from Michael. Bravo bb. THE WAY. HE SAYS IT. MY HEART IS ALREADY TORN OUT AND NOW YOU PUT IT THRU A MEAT GRINDER.

Excuse me Zira I have one question:

WHAT.

ON EARTH.

DOES HE NEED TO BE FORGIVEN FOR.

YOU ABSOLUTE TWAT.

I'm gonna commit multiple crimes.

Crowley just standing there HEARTBROKEN. He LOVES THAT ANGEL SO MUCH. HE WOULD DO ANYTHING FOR HIM. I'M GONNA MCFUCKING LOSE IT.

And he just walks out. And Aziraphale looks just as broken. I hate it. I hate it I hate it I hate it.

And after EVERYTHING. Crowley still waits by his car. Waits to see if Aziraphale will come to his senses and come back for him. But he doesn't. Zira even LOOKS BACK AT HIM before going into the elevator. How DARE you. How FUCKING DARE YOU YOU COWARD.

And you know??? You know what really gets to me?? You know what really cooks my noodle?? Besides the "I forgive you"???

Aziraphale's face journey in the elevator. How it lands, at the end, on a horrific smile. Bless Michael's acting skills cuz that is a horrible smile.

And Crowley just feels nothing. Completely broken. Like all of us.

I get it. I GET THE PRIDE AND PREJUDICE PARALLELS. @sycophantastic pointed it out, that it's a 3-act structure, and I know this is the "dark night of the soul" portion of the hero's journey. I GET. IT. I still hate it.

It took me forever to get to sleep last night. Like an hour and a half. Cuz my brain wouldn't shut up. And I dreamt about them. And it was awful and sad. And NOW we're going to a friend's house to watch the whole thing with her for the first time. Again. I have to endure this again.

I need QUITE EXTRAORDINARY AMOUNTS OF ALCOHOL.

[randomfandomss]

oohhh okay then...alright

What a devastating yet perfect finale. I, of course, anticipated that after Season 1 Aziraphale would have a lot of growing to do for his and Crowley’s relationship to ever work, and guessed that would be taken up this season in some capacity.

...and I am not sure what to say. He still has complete faith in heaven when time and again they have proved themselves to be utter pieces of shit. He believes in himself, that he can make a difference which, yes! He can...but I strongly believe that one has to have the guts see the reality and acknowledge it, with all its goodness and faults in order to be able to really make a difference. So far he has just refused to do so.

He said, “Nothing lasts forever”, yet he has always refrained from questioning the “ineffable plan”. Staying in the comfort of what has been defined as “goodness” by god, never questioning anything at all even though, it has been proved through whatever we see of their shared history that Aziraphale has always grown, learned something and generally become a better angel whenever things had been questioned and the right answers had been given.

He has to break out of this cycle and see things as they are, clearly. About heaven, about self imposed restrictions, norms defined by people who only care about power and don’t give a fuck. He as learned how to live on earth but has he been truly been awake all this time? He needs to start seeing things in full color, that have so far been distorted by his black and white perception for the world. He believes and hopes but the thing he is placing belief in is fundamentally broken.

On the other hand Crowley, to say I've been heartbroken over what happened to him would truly be an understatement and I'm not sure what else to say...So I will leave it at that. The way he found a companion in Aziraphale, someone who accepted him for all he was and tursted him. Someone who SAW him, because I think thats what he would've always wanted. To be understood, when no one, neither Heaven nor Hell ever did. To have this dream shattered into a million pieces once again. When he had finally made peace with his existence, with who he was, all the good and the bad bits, and found some rest from the incessant questioning. When he was ready to just...be, Aziraphale asked him to go back to the place that had hurt him profoundly, SO MUCH. Aziraphale asked Crowley to be restored into what his idea of what good and right is, the ideal existence for him. Crowley has never been an angel nor a demon and Aziraphale knew him since the beginning...how could he not see that?!?! He was the ONLY one who SAW it.

Is he trying to fool himself or Crowley? Aziraphales ideal existence is where something never goes bad or is never wrong, that, in itself is toxic and I believe the next season will obviously focus on that.

I know he desperately wanted to be with Crowley for eternity and live the “ideal” life with him but his definition of ideal itself is wrong. He needs to challenge his beliefs and inspire others to do so as well if he wants to really LIVE and not just exist.

Anywho that is Neil Gaiman’s department, SO!!

SO, I will WAIT to SEE where they go next and I will looking out for that SUPER MEGA APOLOGY DANCE from Aziraphale :D

[most-canon-non-canon-ship-poll]

literally hoping they break up in the last season

Why Mileven is shit - a submission-based essay, part 2/3

Mileven - a currently canon het ship from the Stranger Things fandom between Michael (Mike) Wheeler and Jane (Eleven) Ives/Hopper/Byers/IDK

they NEED to breakup (AGAIN) in the final season let's start w their character arcs rn. el was born in a lab and was raised VERY strict to be a weapon and shit. she escapes and now her whole arc is finding herself and being who she is separate to what people tell her she is. mike comes from a lowkey conservative family with parents who are married only to fit into the normal, not because they love each other. his arc, similar to his sisters' struggle in earlier seasons, is to not fall into conformity just because you feel like you should. both of these stories line up with the main moral of the show: be who you are even if it isn't "normal" ot whatever now how does mileven go against this? mike, and a bunch of ppl around el, in the earlier seasons keeps telling el what she should do/be. even in the later seasons we see mike refering to el as a "superhero" (which she doesn't like). neither of them feel free to be themselves around the other (shown by el lying to mike and mike being WAY out of character around el, etc). mike literally can't tell el he loves her while not under pressure. mileven sometimes parallels mike's parents' and sta.cy (a failed conformity relationship) and other bad relationships ANYWAYS it also reallyyyy pains will byers (who's been canonically in love with mike for like years, and mike's best friend) to see this. also, milevens keep harassing will/mike shippers on anon even months after the last season. like they have a hate discord server just for it. anyways i love mike and el but ohhh my god there is still SO much i haven't mentioned about how bad they are together (and how bad shippers often are, sometimes being violently homophobic and calling bylers delusional and shit)

OOOH IT FUCKING SUCKS THEY ARE SOOOOOO BAD FOR EACH OTHER JESUS THEY DON'T COMMUNICATE LIKE EVER THEY ARE BOTH CLEARLY IN IT BECAUSE OF THE EXPECTATION OF A ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIP MORE THAN ANYTHING ELSE THEY CAN'T CONFIDE IN EACH OTHER THEY DON'T SHARE ANY INTERESTS THEY'RE HAVING CONFLICT MORE OFTEN THAN NOT THANK *GOD* I AM UTTERLY CONVINCED THEY ARE HEADING FOR A CANONICAL PERMANENT BREAKUP. NOT TO MENTION THEY ARE BOTH GAY AS HELL TO ME. YOU SEEN THAT "THIS SHIP IS SO CANON AND IT'S A LESBIAN AND A GAY MAN" TWEET? YEAH. FUCK THIS STUPID FUCKING SHIP NOT TO MENTION THE SHIPPERS ARE FREQUENTLY OPENLY HOMOPHOBIC. UGHHHHHHH KILLING BITING (this is my fave btw)

they have no chemistry or buildup unlike the other st couples. they kissed season 1 right after she asked if he would be her brother. hes very obviously compensating for something. i think i gagged when they made out in season 3. speaking of. thats all they do. make out. they dont really have meaningful conversations. this also comes from the fact that when mike met her she was fresh out the lab that abused her for like 11 years. she was not socially ready to understand the bounds of a platonic relationship let alone a romantic one. anyway mileven break up s5 will happen i believe it. if nothing else. cross ur fingers gamers

the sheer homophobia and general toxicity that the fans of this ship create is absolutely insane when their perfect (read: mischaracterized) straight (read: homosexually-coded) couple is judged for having toxic or incompatible elements is insane. the only good romantic aspect between these two characters is in a cringefail "wow this really doesn't work at all" i-want-to-put-this-dynamic-under-a-microscope-and-study-it-because-it's-an-absolute-trainwreck" kind of way. el has been abused and cut off from society her whole life and at 12 years old she immediately gets together with this guy at whose earth shattered after his best friend went missing who then has surviors guilt after she almost does which is misconstrued as romantic rather than unhealthy obsession and trauma. and so on and so forth.. there's just so much wrong they lie to each other So Fucking Much despite truthfulness being very important to them and they ignore their friends to make out (which is filmed in a way that is meant to feel uncomfortable btw lmao) and el doesn't understand mike's trauma from bullying and he doesn't understand how she doesn't want to be built up into being a superhero etc etc. and it's just so increasingly bad I want to rub my temples just thinking about them. they're just so bad for each other and their relationship has done nothing but make them worse in general but for some reason their ship is viewed as fluffy or cute or whatever the hell. anyway mike is so heavily coded to be fucking gay and in love with his best friend (and el can be interpreted to be lesbian coded) and I just need to get them out of there amen

I'm gonna make a list bc the reasons are many: 1) their first casual interaction they get together but in the same conversation she asks him if she can be like a sister to him 2) all their "cute moments" are them making out in the 3rd season with still absolutely no chemistry 3) their only actual cute scene is them dancing at the snowball yet in the same scene they portray the same way two couples that are not romantic 4) mike becomes a terrible person when he's with eleven 5) eleven literally GOT OUT OF A LAB SHE WAS RAISED IN and this is the first guy she dated 6) she can't even say he's a good kisser 7) mike can't tell her that he loves her (bc he doesn't) and the only time he does he makes this whole ugly ass speech up about how she's his "superhero" even though she doesn't want to be seen only for her superpowers 8) in said speech, while listing the things that he loves about her, he only names her superpowers + he lies multiple times 9) EVEN AFTER SAID SPEECH she is still mad at him and won't talk to him (probably bc she saw right through his bs) 10) she spent a whole 6 months lying to him about all of her life 11) mike is clearly gay and is meant to be with his childhood best friend will 12) mike idolizes her and doesn't see her as an actual person 13) eleven needs to be her own person (ffs she just got out of a lab) 14) the ship sucks and even the authors and actors say so

they have NO chemistry. they kissed after one week of knowing each other when they were 12 and eleven didn't even know what a romantic relationship was at the time, given the fact that right before mike kisses her she says "will you be like my brother?". they spent the entirety of season 2 apart with mike calling el on his walkie and el watching romantic movies on the tv for a year (then will is in trouble and mike says 'fuck it' and goes full protective boyfriend mode but this isn't about byler so i digress) and start dating soon after they meet again even though they haven't had a SINGLE conversation and are barely friends. season 3 comes along and the writers do their utmost best to show us how incompatible they are. their makeout scenes are uncomfortable, they break up at the beginning of the season and neither one of them seems particularly bothered that their first relationship is over. in fact, the happiest we see el in the entire series is during the time they're broken up, when she gets close to max (who she actually has chemistry with, by the way) and finally experiences freedom, being a teenage girl and etc since mike had been "keeping her all to himself" for like, a year. aside from that, he doesn't go after her at all after she dumps his ass (literally) but when he and will have a fight, he bikes across town in the rain just to apologize, that boy is GAY. finally, the theme of season 4 is lies and once again, mike and el spend the season apart (once again, mike spends the season with WILL) and right before they part ways, they have a big fight about mike being unable to so much as WRITE "love, mike" on his letters to el, let alone say it, and he bullshits his way through it and refuses to say the actual reason until vol. 2, when he apparently "confesses" that he's afraid he'll lose her if he says it (okay, amigo, you're gonna lose your girlfriend who was literally begging you to say 'i love you' not even a week ago, aham, totally valid excuse). conclusion: they don't know each other and they don't act like themselves when they're together. mike hides his nerdy nature, el feels like she has to be the amazing superhero he's always viewed her as or else he'll lose interest and it just feels like they're both grasping at straws because this relationship has been dragged on for too long that they don't know how to break up permanently. they are afraid of losing each other, but not romantically, as mike was el's first semblance of family after escaping the lab and mike feels like it's his duty to protect and care for el. also, mike is gay. in other words, FREE THEM.

[ellsieee]

9 People You'd Like To Know More

Tagged by @khaotungsfirst. Thank you for the tag!

Last song:

不该玩火《守候 Waiting》 - 李慧珍 Stay With Me has been over for weeks, but I can't stop listening to the OST even though the whole songs haven't even been released yet.

Currently Watching:

Dangerous Romance (Nothing earth shattering about this series, but I'm enjoying the Perth/Chimon energy and my jaw dropped over the locks this week.)

I Feel You Linger In the Air (I like the parallel universe/time slip concept and I'm down for slow burn. Although I find Jom slightly annoying, I'm still enjoying this series overall.)

Kiseki: Dear to Me (Living for Chen Yi/Ai Di like everyone else.)

Love In Translation (Fluffy and cute. The Tammy storyline needs to die though, it's really starting to grate. Oh and the brother is terrible!)

Minato's Laundromat 2 (The amnesia bit came out of nowhere and this 2nd season has been a bit of a let down. Now I'm just watching for Asuka.)

My Personal Weatherman (Not enjoying this as much as everyone else. I actually enjoy reading everyone's analysis more than the series itself. 😅)

Only Friends (Really enjoying how fucked up and dysfunctional everyone is. I hope there isn't some tragic backstory or redemption arc for Boston. I love that he is such an asshole. No excuses.)

You Are Mine (This is a straight up 霸道總裁 (bossy CEO) cdrama. 😅 I'm generally not a fan of this genre but I'm willing to watch a few more episodes to see if I'll enjoy this series.)

Under the Skin (I always have a non-romance series ready for when I need a break from all the slo-mo eye contact and slip and catches. I like the crime/mystery genre and also love Tan Jianci.)

Call Me By Fire S3 (I love me my variety shows. This season hasn't been as good as the last seasons even though Jordan Chan is finally not in S3 for which I am eternally grateful. Jeff Satur has been great through!)

Currently Reading:

Kill Decision by Daniel Suarez I randomly saw this book at the 99 cent store and figured that for a $1, I'd give it a try.

Current Obsession:

Still obsessed with Stay With Me. How can I stop being obsessed when they released this behind the scenes from their photoshoot? Praying these pictures are going to be in the photobook. And then there's Binjiong sending me down the delulu rabbit hole with their posts. Both have new dramas out already but we have Jiongmin still promoting his SWM cp by posting a video of him and Xu Bin in the middle of the night and then deleting it right after. 🤡🤡🤡

Tagging: @victooooorious, @vickyawesome99, @vegassimp, @brazilian-whalien52, @ueasking, @lfcwifenspice, @benkaaoi, @bluespring864, @alphapackfeels As usual, feel free to ignore

[beeffilledshark]

An unhinged Gundam fanatic brainrots over the new Witch From Mercury OP/ED

Ok, I’m gonna go off the deep end really quick and talk about the brain worms that have infected me after rewatching the Witch From Mercury s2 premiere three whole times (I will likely watch it another three times by the end of the day so either I’ll be following it up or just redo this eventually)

So, I’m very used to the second OP/ED being slightly worse than their predecessors in most anime so Slash and Red:Birthmark (WHICH IS A FUCKING INSANE NAME FOR THIS SHOW) being bangers absolutely fills me with joy. However, let’s talk about some of the framing and visuals they chose to include.

(WARNING, THIS IS A LONG ASS POST BECAUSE I WATCHED THE FIRST SEASON 8.5 TIMES)

Alright. So the Slash op. Yeah.

So first off, of course we have to talk about Suletta and Miorine’s backdrops when they’re onscreen together. The detritus and ruins Suletta is surrounded by, as she’s EXTREMELY capable of causing massive acts of destruction with Aerial, compared to the green pastures Miorine nurtures in her green house and her former desire to return to Earth: upsetting, beautiful, tragic, all of the above. Also, Miorine was the strongest proponent for making GUND-ARM.inc a medical company since she found out about the original intent of the gund-arm system. Of course she would want to stop war and make everything a sunny, picturesque place.

Next elephant in the room: MIORINE FALLING INTO THE DEPTHS OF AN ABYSS

I feel fairly safe in claiming this is purposefully emulating the abyss at Plant Quetta we see whenever Quiet Zero is brought up (WHICH I WILL GET TO) but with Elnora egging Miorine on to finish Quiet Zero, I have a VERY distinct feeling something is going to happen to her while she’s working on this silly little project.

In addition, each shot of Miorine is intercut with clips of Suletta either starting to run, or actually running forward to a brighter place.

I have a distinct feeling this is indicative of Suletta having to save her from some kind of situation with Quiet Zero. The first clip of her fully sprinting is immediately followed by Miorine’s reflection shattering in a mirror. I can’t cite them specifically, but there were twitter discussions/discussions I had with friends that an aspect of uploading a person into a Mobile Suit (see aERIal theory [LETS BE FUCKING HONEST ITS BASICALLY CANON]) with Swarm drones would break apart their consciousness in a way so that each gund-bit is autonomous (mostly brought about by the fact each Gund-bit looked like Eri when the Elan Who Got Evaporated saw them). This is much more of a crack theory, but feels pertinent given how op1 finishes with a reflection of Eri looking at a Mobile Suit control console.

MOVING on, more aERIal proof I feel like I don’t have to explain this one. Hi girlie. Hope you’re having fun zooming through space and killing people.

Now the Elan clip is very interesting for me, especially with the given color palette. Dividing him into two by a blue wall leads me to think this Elan might not end up being a complete shit person/villain. My hope is that Aerial breaking the Gundam’s curse will bleed into Elan’s Gundam somehow, finally freeing him from Peil’s grasp and letting him live rather than be a disposable lab rat that has to follow orders.

Alternatively, it may be demonstrating a Dissociative Personality Disorder subplot similar to Allelujah from 00 or just the fact there’s at least 6 Elans out there somewhere. I’m not entirely certain what to make of this portion of the op, but it’s definitely brain food to munch on for a little bit. I have a feeling my thoughts will mature on this portion as we see more of the show.

NOW SOMETHING I FOUND INTERESTING about the Mobile Suit sizzle reel is the lack of any new Mobile Suits. We still have the Pharact

the Michaelis

and even the fucking Darilbalde which I’m honestly shocked by.

Most Gundam shows will tease new Mobile Suit designs like all the new villains in IBO as well as the upgraded variants of the Gundams (same with 00). Yeah, the three flagship Mobile Suits of the Benerit Group are upgraded, especially with their new weapons, but I’m just surprised there’s no advertisements of the new Gunpla models like the Demi Barding or Gundam Schwarzette which ABSOLUTELY has to show up in this season since they’re slated for a Q3 release by Bandai.

I absolutely don’t mind seeing these guys again since I do fucking love all of the wfm Mobile Suit designs, it’s just interesting to note.

OK LAST POINT TO MAKE ON THIS OP AND THAT REALLY GETS ME is the clip of Suletta running. For literally 4 frames, it looks like she’s about to trip and fall before it cuts back to her running normally again. I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT THEY MEANT BY THIS but I am EXTREMELY concerned it will have something to do with her struggling to move forward. Incorporating my crackpot theory about Miorine being stuck in Quiet Zero like Eri, maybe it’s her trying to rationalize fighting her fiancé in a Mobile Armor.

Final point I would like to bring up with regards to the op are the tomatoes. Originally, I thought it was supposed to be Eri reaching for them (since she was shown in the shot with Elnora previously), but turns out it’s likely a memory Miorine has of her mother given the white hair in the background.

Nothing I can think of to talk about, really, but the fact we actually see a portion of Miorine’s mother is extremely surprising since they’ve gone fairly out of their way to not depict her other than the VERY brief funeral shots.

But to finish the op off, I do love the theme of Suletta moving forward to join Miorine in the light. It’s a great throughline to have for this latter half of the show, especially given the themes and importance they put on Suletta and Elnora’s philosophy. 

Ok, interim break for me to explain my Quiet Zero theory.

The first time we see it, Elnora is giving “Aerial’s network architecture pattern” to Delling to help bring Quiet Zero to its “final stage.”

NOW WITH ALL OF THE aERIal THEORIES GOING AROUND, I really cannot help but think Aerial’s network architecture is somehow Eri’s consciousness/being/WHATEVER she did to that poor girl. So by giving him this, Quiet Zero is going to be able to absorb/take in someone’s consciousness to help pilot it. In addition, the express purpose of Quiet Zero, according to Elnora, is the complete annihilation of war (BECAUSE WE KNOW HOW WELL THAT WENT IN THE ANNO DOMINI TIMELINE in 00) so odds are, it’s some kind of fucked up Gundam weapon that would be able to outclass anything that tries to fight it.

So I’m 99% sure the finale is going to be a Gundam Mobile Armor that will absorb Miorine and wreak havoc until Eri and Suletta Newtype their way into stopping it from blowing shit up with their Super Space Empathy. Other than IBO, all Gundam shows eventually explore the Next Stage of Humanity with Newtypes, Innovators, Coordinators, and even fucking X-Rounders or whatever (I’m sorry I haven’t watched Gundam AGE yet). Plus it was already hinted at by the Vanadis Institute since they wanted to, essentially, forcibly evolve humanity with the Gund-Arm format. Also, the Gund-bits are a given for Gundams in Ad Stella and Almost Every portrayal of Mobile Armor in any Gundam show has funnels or little drones that run around like Hashmal or the Neo Zeong. So a Mobile Armor isn’t really that far of a stretch, just Miorine being stuck in it is.

In any case, my fucked up hope is Miorine goes crazyinsane after being uploaded into a Mobile Armor and Aerial does Permet Score 10 or something where she and Suletta Understand Each Other Without Misconceptions.

OK Red:Birthmark. Ed of all time.

Honestly, this might be my favorite Gundam ed (more so than the 8th MS team, even) and honestly could be my favorite Anime ed of all time. Fucking gorgeous to look at with such a pretty color palette, Sunrise really outdid themselves with this one.

Ok, Item 1: THE PURPLE SPACE BACKDROP. You cannot look me in the eye and tell me this does not evoke the same aesthetic that UC timeline Newtype connections do. Suletta willing this into existence makes me feel that even being a clone of Eri or whatever the fuck, she’s still able to sense or use an evolved sense to understand people.

NEXT UP, AND WORST OF FUCKING ALL, IS BLACK GHOST MIO MIO. WHAT THE FUCK WHAT THE FUCK WHAT DID THEY MEAN BY THIS

This is what honestly made me concoct the Quiet Zero-Miorine theory because there is absolutely no way in hell they just Decided to portray Miorine like a fucking ghost trying and failing to connect AND LITERALLY TOUCH Suletta while she’s still influenced by her mother.

We ONLY ever see Quiet Zero portrayed as a gaping black void and I can’t think of anything else that uses black as a motif or thematic element other than the Pharact, at best (arguably more dark blue/navy than black). Either way, something bad is going to happen to Mio and I fear for that girl’s life.

I feel like I don’t even have to fucking talk about THIS shit

Like alright Sunrise. Is she being killed by Aerial??? Is she turning into Aerial??? Why does she have the Gundam lines appearing on her skin??? IS ELNORA GONNA TURN HER INTO A GUNDAM TOO??? /hj on the last point

IN ANY CASE, this was a fucking choice but is also one of the most beautiful sequences I’ve seen. I also saw a youtube video that compared this to Utena’s sword drawing scenes which I thought was really funny. I’m not really convinced this is a purposeful reference, despite the two shows’ similarities in plot because of the writer, but if it turns out Aerial is drawing power from Suletta or that Suletta is actually the reason Aerial doesn’t kill its pilot because she’s a Witch From Mercury Newtype, then I’m gonna break my keyboard. Maybe the Mobile Suit Gundam: Witch From Mercurys were the ones we made along the way.

In any case, Aerial’s influence on Suletta and it directly leading into her losing Elnora’s headband and her hair falling feels like there will be a direct consequence of letting Suletta interact with Aerial so personally and directly. My hope is that Aerial will be the reason Elnora’s brainwashing finally fails and Suletta will be able to make her own decisions for herself and choose to do what she wants to do. The headband was established as Elnora’s sway over Suletta WAY early on (like episode 3 or whatever where we see Suletta getting dressed and putting it on while talking to her) so I feel like this climactic moment may be tied to. the Miorine. quiet zero theory.

Ok, now this just turns into me fawning over how utterly stunning this ed is. I really cannot express how much this animation appeals to me, combined with the colors and her dress GOD it just feels so perfect. She’s like a witch controlling the gund-bits but instead of using them to fight, she creates art and beauty, something Suletta has been striving for since the formation of the GUND-ARM company with Miorine. Critically, she believes Gundam and Mobile Suits can be made to help people, not just to commit acts of violence like the Earth Witches think.

Like, I can’t really add any theories here. It’s just amazing. 

Also, FUCK OFF WITH THE DRAKENGARD 3 REFERENCE. IT MIGHT BE A BIT OF A LEAP BUT IT’S AWFULLY FUCKING STRIKING AND I CAN’T DEAL WITH IT.

Regardless, more fodder for the Miorine Mobile Armor theory with this shot. It has to be intentional with this coloring, Please let me know if anyone has an idea what else her being in black could possibly mean, I am genuinely interested to hear people’s thoughts.

The rest of the ed is just these bitches being gay as hell. I’m including screenshots because they’re my little guys and I like seeing them happy.

Also they’re fucking pendants with each others’ hair color FUCK YOU IM GONNA CALL YOU BOTH SLURS

Also, slightly frightening pose for Miorine to adopt while they’re spinning. I feel like it’s either her putting her trust and faith in Suletta that she won’t let go or it’s representative of her being put in a meat grinder.

Alright, final note: Aerial looking like the 0 Gundam in Setsuna’s memories from 00. Alright. Just store these two lesbians in your heart and keep them there I guess. Fuck you. ALSO dazzling, I can’t talk about how much I love the visuals of this ed.

And the fucking hand tremble ARE THEY BOTH SCARED WHY THEY’RE IN EACH OTHER’S GRASP IM SO TERRIFIED

TLDR OF THIS DUMB ASS POST; IM VERY NEURODIVERGENT AND VERY HAPPY

The new op and ed of this show is wholeheartedly magnificent. It packs so many visuals that are ripe for theories/analysis and this is just my insane take with what Gundam I have watched (basically wfm, ibo, 00, and a splattering of UC timeline stuff). I’m absolutely sure people with different Gundam experiences will find either marginally different, to COMPLETELY different ideas/meanings from these clips, but this is just something I wanted to type up instead of doing work askjdasfkasf.  This doesn’t even touch on any of the lyrics and how that ties into the show, but I’m absolutely certain it will kill me when the translations find their way onto my dash.

Also I need to spread Mobile Armor Miorine to any one else who’s insane enough to think it might happen as well <3

if you made it this far, thank you for listening to my fucking batshit rant we’re almost 2.25k words in Jesus.

[thedarkestgreys]

My 5 Favorite Fics I've Ever Written

thank you @sarahcakes613 and you know this is going to be hard because we're both aware I'm not a fan of my own writing 👍🏻👍🏻

In No Particular Order!

since nothing has changed me quite like you - Star Wars Sequel Trilogy // Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren // rated T // 6 Chapters Complete // Sith Princess Kira Palpatine x Smuggler Turned Reluctant Jedi Ben Role Reversal AU

She smiles, a real, genuine thing that crinkles her eyes and nearly blinds him. Suddenly, it’s Rey back in front of him, finally. “You’re going to help me kill him, Ben, and then we can be done with all of this. The Sith, the Jedi. Everything.”

Ben grins back. “You’re serious.”

“I’m tired. Of war. Of missing you. Of being alone,” Rey tells him, tears welling up in her eyes as her voice cracks.

slow hands - Marvel Cinematic Universe - Eternals // Druig/Makkari // rated E // 11 Chapters Complete // Post Thanos Snap AU set prior to and during the events of Eternals (2021)

“Familiar?” Druig can’t help but needle at her, because he’s nothing if not a total asshole a majority of the time.

Makkari turns back at him with sad eyes. I’m sorry. She signs once, then twice, and she’s halfway through the motions a third time before he raises a hand to stop her.

“S’alright. You didn’t mean anything by it. For all you know, I would’ve made you leave.”

Makkari, the most beautiful, wonderful, understanding human to grace this earth just shakes her head at him as he tells her that.

No you wouldn’t have. You missed me.

Stages - Game of Thrones - ASOIAF // Jon Snow/Sansa Stark // rated E // 6 Chapters Complete // Book/Show Canon Hybrid AU Six Different Titles Sansa Stark Carries Over The Course Of Jon Snows Life

“What are you staring at my lord?” Sansa asks him when she finally takes notice of his insistent stare through her looking glass. Setting down her brush, she turns to look at him fully, a small smile playing on her pink lips.

“Just my wife.”

“Is that all I am then? Just your wife? Should not a king shower his bride in compliments? Rave about my wits and keen mind, declare that I am the most beautiful lady in the whole realm?” Sansa eyebrows arch with a certain grace, a smirk blooming on her lips before her words turn into high, tinkling laugh.

“I'm only the king before the court San, while sitting on that blasted throne or in an endless meeting with mine and Dany's councilors. In here, in our chambers, I simply wish to be your husband, and for you to be my wife. Let the courtiers speak about your wits and political prowess.” 

but the wolves came and went (and we're still standing) - Game of Thrones - ASOIAF // Podrick Payne/Arya Stark // rated M // 9/14 WIP // Season 7 & 8 rewrite told from the perspective of Podrick Payne

“Stay alive,” the woman who against all odds he’s come to love urges one last time. He jerks his head in the direction of his lady in explanation and farewell.

“Anything for you,” he says with as much sincerity as he can put behind his words, not taking the time to watch for her reaction, knowing that whatever it is could shatter him completely one way or the other.

Moments before a battle that will seal the fate of the entire world isn’t exactly the time for all of this.

your violent overnight rush - Euphoria // Fezco/Lexi Howard // rated E // 14/42 WIP // Post S2E8 AU where the raid goes down differently and Fez and Lexi find their way back to each other

“Don’t,” she whispers, an accusing finger pointed at him. “I get it. I fucking get it, okay? Your line of work makes me a liability, I can understand that, and you’re afraid to lose me because of it. But don’t you think I’m afraid of losing you, too?”

Fez has started to look a little defensive, a bit angry even. He opens his mouth to speak, but Lexi cuts him off again because she’s not quite done. “Your feelings aren’t the only ones that matter here. I knew the risks before I even walked into your store for the first time. But I did it anyway. I let you in, I shared so much of myself with you because you made me feel seen for the very first time Fezco. Before you, no one really gave a shit about what I had to say, about my thoughts or feelings. And then you-”, she pauses, to master herself for a moment. “But then you spent all New Years Eve on a fucking couch with me actually engaged in a real conversation while a party raged around us. You saw me. How could I not fall for you after that?” She’s not yelling, not quite anyways. Frustration rolls off of her in waves as she yanks a hand through her unruly curls. “You done?” Fez asks evenly from the bed where he’s still watching her pace. “Depends on what you have to say,” she bites back, twirling on the spot to look at him.

[melishade]

Hello! :D

I wanted to suggest a chapter for your AOP oneshots (Attack On Prime) fanfiction!

(You don't need to do this), but maybe Hanji presses Optimus about the war and he reluctantly agrees to tell her and some others.

Maybe during his explanation of how it started, what happened, and the losses they had, he started to break down. Reliving all the horrible memories of when he or others were so close to death was not fun.

Hanji cannot believe it. Optimus Prime, falling apart and shattering right in front of them.

-------

(Then, you can choose what happens next. If you decide to give it a go!)

I completely understand if you don't want to do this, but I would greatly appreciate it. :) luv u and ur fanfics!! Keep up the great work <3.

This is probably going to be a pretty long explanation because I want to get my thoughts out on this. But technically, I already did this.

The Attack on Prime Oneshots that I have on my Ao3 account are stories that I cannot fit in the main story, but they are still canon in the main story. The chapter 'Relief' happens between that gap period between the Wall Rose attack and the Coup, and centers around Levi washing Optimus' alt mode with the Prime's assistance. But by the end of it, Optimus is having a breakdown in front of Levi and Levi has to be the one to comfort him.

Despite TFP Optimus being quite closed off and reserved, it's clear that he does care. Optimus really decides to go and kill Megatron in season 1 because Rafael was on death's door. The Prime lost his shit when Bumblebee was gunned down right before his eyes. TFP Optimus can succumb to his anger, but a breakdown would be much more difficult to pull off. He has to really be pushed to it.

The only reason Optimus was even able to breakdown in this moment was because of recent events:

-The titans that he was fighting against for the past months were not monsters, but humans forced to become these monsters. -The Colossal and Armored Titan were not only children, but friends of the 104th regiment. And finally -Megatron, his rival and sworn enemy, is now on this planet and he has absolutely no idea where he stands with him. They never even got the chance to talk before Megatron left and Optimus returned to the core. And the two of them just have SO MUCH UNRESOLVED SHIT!

Optimus doesn't have his team, Cybertron or Earth, his support. They only have the resources available in the walls, and it's really garbage compared to Earth. And he has to fight against human children, people he swore to protect. All of this is causing Optimus to act out, and Levi has to get to the bottom of it because it's not just about him. It's about humanity and the Survey Corps' survival. And I'd like to think that Optimus wouldn't share information about his life unless he had to, and he didn't have to share anything about Megatron prior to his arrival simply because he wasn't there. He had no need to; it wasn't important to the survival of the walls. But now he's here, and Optimus has to talk.

And when Optimus breaks, when he shatters, it gives Levi so much more perspective about Optimus. Because the way that Optimus was presenting himself prior to this was someone who was calm and collected, but he was also someone who cared. But there was also this assumption that nothing could break him. He was providing so much support for others, being a guide for others to lean on, especially Eren. Optimus was much more effective in keeping Eren under control because Optimus was treating him like a teen who simply needs guidance.

Now Levi sees that Optimus is just as fucked up as the rest of them, if not more, because Optimus is finally talking about the guilt, the shame, the trauma. It's grief. It's pain. It hurts. And Levi is not fucking prepared to handle it at all.

So knowing this, and to your question, Levi would have to pull Hanji aside and straight up order her to not ask Optimus about the war. Because he knows how curious Hanji is, and when her curiosity and interests are peaked, sometimes she won't pick up on emotions or social-based cues.

"Don't ask him for fucking shit," Levi tells her, "And if you do, and he says no, drop it."

"But-!"

"Drop. it." Levi enunciates.

Levi also has to give this run down to the rest of the Survey Corps to not ask about war stories.

(Fun fact, I actually wrote this one shot back in 2014. I remember because I wrote this in a notebook that I still have when I went to Ethiopia for the second time. I was taking it with me everywhere.)

[princeleyjeans]

How season 3 should end: Alternate version

'Ash cascades from the deeply grayed clouds like fresh falling snow entwined with the feathers of the recently deceased, corpses petrified to mimic brittle angel statues litter the world in uncomfortable numbers as their human counterparts gather themselves among the rumble and decay' Aziraphale: The miracle worked! Crowley, we---Crowley! 'Climbing their way out from some nearby debris striking a passable similarity to the local coffee shop, the once demon rises to their feet to dust soot off a torn sleeve no longer connected to the rest of their jacket' Aziraphale: Crowley, oh thank heavens! You're alive-- Crowley: Of course I am, it's fucking me 'The bedraggled creature begins to march steadily away' Aziraphale: -Wait! Cro-Crowley! Where are you going?! Crowley: Anywhere that isn't here. Away from all of this Aziraphale: B-b-but we did it! The miracle worked, Crowley!

Crowley: Well, isn't that just lovely!. Now Aziraphale can go back to his little bookshop and be all cherubs and afternoon tea and second fucking breakfast. Guess my jobs done, time to move on Aziraphale: On earth are you talking about?-- Crowley: The miracle worked, didn't it? We stopped Armageddon, saved humanity with little to no causalities (If you don't acknowledge a few hundred angels as casualties), and as foretold, everything goes back to normal. For the world and for you- Aziraphale: For us-- Crowley: There is no US, you made that perfectly cle--'sniffles and coughs it back, straightening their shoulders'--....you made that perfectly clear, Aziraphale 'Crowley turns on broken heel and makes pace toward the ruins that were their Bentley to collect what little they can before finding some route and some transportation to take them away, far away from everything that cannot be' Aziraphale' Crowley---ah, please, just wait a moment. One moment. 'They continue on, their stride becoming slightly labored as if burdened by the weight of heaven and earth combined, enough to heavy the shoes on their feet like someone poured fresh cement into each one' Aziraphale: Whatever your mind is telling you right now, ignore it! Finally...Aziraphale raises his voice: Anthony J Crowley, do not walk away from me when I am trying to explain myself to you! Stop right this instant. 'As if on command, their feet become led weights, keeping Crowley rooted to the spot and giving Aziraphale enough time to hurry across the shattered pavement and catch his friend as their bones give way to the pressure rattling their chest, forcing them to clutch onto him like a life preserver. It's almost automatic the way Aziraphale swoops down to get a better hold of Crowley's collasping form, the way their face's noses brush and eyes flutter closed as their lips meet in the midst, a kiss finally returned with as much love and compassion as two beings can share, human, angel or demon' Aziraphale: Now...where was I?

[nellie-elizabeth]

The Walking Dead: Rest in Peace (11x24)

So... this finale suffered majorly for one big reason: the spinoffs next year. Let's just dive right in, shall we?

Cons:

Think about it. If this had been a true finale, if this had been the end of the universe of this TV show, we would have gotten so much content that the fans have been waiting to see. Instead, it's all teased out for us, trying to force us to tune in next year to see more Negan and Maggie, Rick and Michonne, Daryl... it's too damn much, y'all. I won't list all the missed moments, but if these spin-offs didn't exist, we definitely would have gotten Rick and Michonne reuniting with their daughter and son, right? A thing I think we've all damn well earned seeing? And if Daryl wasn't going off on his own without Carol, maybe they could have resolved that relationship in a way that would have made the fans happy to see. This is a finale. I want to feel big emotions, I want full cheesiness turned all the way up to eleven. I cannot believe that they had Rick and Michonne show up at the end in the form of letter writing, still not reunited, and we got no catharsis on any possible Rick reunion. With Michonne, with Judith, withDaryl? That man lived in the woods for half a decade being sad about Rick's death. I wanted to see them reunite, for fuck's sake.

But even setting aside the things I really wish we could have seen that just weren't there, there were moments that should have packed a much bigger punch, but were instead glossed over. The biggest one? Judith, in a moment of delirium when she believes she might die, tells Daryl that Michonne left to go find Rick, who they believe to be alive. I had sort of forgotten that Daryl didn't know this information, but it makes sense: Judith says she never told Daryl because she didn't want him to leave too. This should have been ahuge moment. Daryl's love for Rick and his family is a cornerstone of his character; the revelation that Rick is still alive should have been earth-shattering for him. And, honestly, if they're going with all these spin-offs anyway, that should have been the impetus for Daryl to leave, not some vague idea Maggie has about wanting to find out what's out there.

And just, in general, this episode didn't have the epic-ness that one would typically associate with a finale of a show that's been on for eleven seasons. What are people going to be talking about in the aftermath of this? There was one big main character death, and it was well executed which I'll talk about in a second, but other than that it was all very low energy, nothing big, no huge status quo shifts in the way we understand this universe. Okay, so we defeated Pamela, great. What proof do we have that another group of baddies isn't just going to come out of nowhere and be evil nearby, leading to more chaos for our surviving characters? The problem with the spinoffs is that nothingcan change in any sort of permanent way, because, gosh, what if we want to bring Lydia back for a cameo on one of the five other shows we're making? What if we want to do a story about Alexandria being in peril again and Rick and Michonne showing up to save it? What if Eugene and Max go on a trip to New York and pop up in this other series? This episode didn't feel like a finale, it felt like instructions to tune in for more of the show next year.

Which, to be clear? I will not be doing!

Pros:

So yeah, this wasn't really the magical strong finish that fixed all of my problems with late-stageThe Walking Dead. I'm not sure how it could have been, but still. That said, I'm honestly an easily manipulated person when it comes to sentimentality on TV shows, so I did get misty-eyed at a few points in this finale, especially with the really cheesy stuff like Rick and Michonne writing letters to their child and reminiscing about all the people they've known over the years, dead and alive. We see a montage of faces, and while hilariously a few of them I couldn't even remember, it was nice to see people like Beth, and Sasha, and of course Glenn and Carl, Lori and Shane... Hershel... the list goes on. The idea of ending the show with the characters enforcing that they are the ones who live, and they will continue to strive for that life, was a good moving capstone, and as close as I got to feeling like this show was a true finale to anything.

I have all the feels about Judith, honestly, and I loved seeing Daryl and Carol working to save her life, fretting over her. She really is a daughter to them both in so many ways, and honestly the moment with Daryl in this episode that got me the most was when he hugged Judith goodbye and asked her to look after Carol for him. They have such a special bond, it makes me a little weepy.

Daryl and Carol's goodbye felt a little tacked on, especially Carol saying "this will be good for us", because obviously we know Carol was originally supposed to be part of Daryl's spin-off but no longer is, and yet they didn't really replace her leaving with Daryl with any reason as towhy. Just a vague sense of her helping out with the home communities, replacing Hornsby, I guess. It didn't feel like a very satisfying wrap-up for either character, but Carol especially got the short end of the stick, as she has so often these last few seasons. Oh, but wait, I'm in the "pros" section, aren't I? Setting all that aside, these two have such a special, gorgeous relationship, and getting to see their goodbye, the "I love you"s and the hug, did warm my heart, even if I could have wished for something a bit more.

A few details I enjoyed: Ezekiel and Mercer being the new governor and deputy governor of the Commonwealth. That's fitting! Eugene and Max having a baby named Rosie (this is so damn cheesy but you know what it made me wanna cry so I'm going to let them get away with it). Yumiko and Magna getting to have a kiss, reuniting. Sure, yeah, I'm into it. Negan sending Judith the compass.

Oh and speaking of Negan, you couldn't pay me to watch the show with Negan and Maggie next year, BUT, I did like that Maggie told Negan about Glenn, and basically said "I can't forgive you, and being around you makes me remember him in his final moments of agony, which I don't want to do." It was a powerful scene and the first thing from Maggie since her return that's made me feel connected to her.

Let's talk about the deaths, shall we? I was surprised to find myself really emotionally affected by Luke's death, not because I give a shit about Luke as a character, but because of the way his friends tried desperately to save him, crying and screaming, and then all broke down sobbing as they had their final moments together. Watching that scene, the pain and desperation of it, there were just a lot of really good performances happening there. It made me realize how often the deaths in this show were either really sudden for shock value, or else drawn out, slow, and somber, with grieving characters clearly upset but also restrained and in control. This was true wild, panicked, grief, and it really made me feel the chaos and pain of the situation, while keeping me focused on the true issue of the moment, which was making sure Judith was going to be okay.

And then there's Rosita. I'm not sure I've ever cared about Rosita quite as much as I did in this episode. It was a strong way for her character to go out, and again, one of the only pieces of the episode that made it feel like an epic finale to me. I loved the fake-out, I gotta say, where she falls and you think she's getting ripped to pieces, but then you see her spring up and fight like a total bad-ass and get out of an impossible situation. And then later, looking at Coco, who she's rescued at long last, we have Eugene come in, and as he's starting to discuss future plans, it slowly dawns on him all that Rosita is not saying. She was bitten, and it's not something they're going to be able to fix.

There was just a lot of good delicious angst here. I've never bought Gabriel and Rosita as a romantic pairing, but I found his grief and gentleness really moving. Judith's facial wobble when she realized Rosita was dying... man, this show has some really hit-or-miss writing sometimes but I honestly think on the level of acting, the girl who plays Judith does an incredible job. It was so moving to see Rosita getting to have these final moments with people, enjoying a dinner with them all even as she knows the end is near. I mean, yeah, it's cheesy, but as I've been saying, this is a finale. Iwant the cheese. Pile it the fuck on, don't hold back. Rosita's death, and specifically her final moment with Eugene, really, really got to me in a way nothing else in this episode did.

So... yeah, I think I'm going to wrap up my thoughts on the finale there! Seeing Rick and Michonne was kind of cool, but it was also a little insulting, basically a trailer for their spinoff show playing at the end of this one. And a lot of this final season has felt like the writers were more excited about their fresh new ideas for new shows, rather than this lumbering, undead behemoth of the show that stayed on the air long past its prime. And that's a bummer, it really is. Still, props for making me get all emo about Rosita dying. Never thought I would have cared much one way or another.

7/10

So now comes the impossible task of trying to sum up all ofThe Walking Dead in a single rating out of ten. I can't grade this based on my favorite season or least favorite season or any of that, I have to try and find something that I think is representative of the whole. Here's what I'll say: this show shook up something in TV. It's part of that whole Golden Age thing everyone always talks about.The Walking Dead was enshrined for a time along withBreaking Bad andGame of Thrones as THE event TV that everyone was watching and talking about. And whileBreaking Bad maintained its sanctity by bowing out after five seasons, and whileGame of Thrones majorly and famously threw itself into a dumpster at the end, I think we have something a lot more muddled here. I certainly don't care enough to watch the spinoffs, but I do care enough that I know I'll poke around to find out what happens to certain favorite characters of mine after the show ends. I don't think this is a final season or finale episode that retroactively ruins anything about what was once great on the show, so it has that going for it. What I'll always remember about this show is the characters who stuck with me: Daryl Dixon is my number one, but Carol too, Michonne, and even later-season characters like Judith and Connie made a surprisingly strong impression on me. I think overall this show deserves a lot of praise for what it was at its best, but I also can't ignore the fact that it's been far less than its best for quite a long time.

7.5/10

[winterbrrrd]

A final poem for the sad white rapper

I once fucked a sad boy rapper who

Came fast inside of me

And afterwards he got up frantic,

Post-alarm ignored by sleep.

He said knew I would be thick but

Not THIS thick -

He’s so discrete,

As if his minor league rap schtick

Gives him the credibility

To hand select just like a butcher

Choosing his best cut of meat,

A dozen corpses in the freezer

Dangling hooked, ready to eat.

He landed in the frayed pink chair that

My black cat scratches with glee

And then proceeded

To spit his autobiography at me,

Divulging stories of

Ex-girlfriend

And his vast humanity

In the lengths he went to heal her,

Steal her sick identity,

Make it his own,

Like he’s so selfless,

Like a nurse working for free.

He took her pain

And made it his

In place of personality.

And now he’s using me like her,

My sacred body as dumpster

To discard of pent up jizz,

Like I was blessed to touch this nerd.

“You’re so much better than a robot therapist

And much cheaper.”

“It’s my pleasure,”

I’m always lying, distant forecasts for weather

A week away, will always change,

Just like the clouds that I capture.

In the back of loose screw head,

Beyond the pinball of his lips,

I’m repeating,

“didn’t realize that you would be this thick.”

Didn’t realize that I would be this thick?

Or didn’t think

That a girl with stretch marked hips

Would steal your fragile self-conceit?

Yeah, I’m thick

Like an aged tree

In a clearing of the woods

Providing shelter with my limbs,

Providing homes for nesting squirrels.

And my healing isn’t free

To steal from me like writhing worms;

Violent extraction from the earth -

No, sir, I save it for the birds.

My healing isn’t free,

It’s not some manic pixie dream

Designed for men in dire need

Of holy soul awakening

From a girl with neon hair

That she cuts, though she can’t see

What the scissors take away

Beyond her brain’s

Periphery.

I’m not a manic pixie dream

And my healing isn’t free.

Only a healer cuz I’ve hurt in ways

A man wouldn’t believe.

Wouldn’t believe but would gaslight

Starting another screaming fight;

He throws a wrench at the oven

And shatters glass;

I watch and cry.

I am not manic,

No, the truth is that I’m trying to survive

By throwing my adrenaline into

A state of overdrive.

I’m not a pixie,

Only seem it,

For I’m oft in states of flight,

Running from men who suck my soul out

Like the marrow they can’t bite.

They hunt for food, they hunt for sport,

They pose with me,

Bloody delight -

Exquisite corpse in camera lens,

Spent bullets glimmering in light.

I am a healer,

But not yours,

And I’ll make it mirror clear,

Showing you your own damn self,

Refusing you the chance to steal

From me my life source or my energy,

This well of gasoline.

I’ll flick my yellow cigarette

If you approach me just to drink.

There were so many

So damn many

There were 40 in one season

And reflecting on that summer

Gives me 40 more good reasons

To stay sober,

Stay connected

To my gods,

The one I choose.

They are not men,

Men aren’t my friends

Unless they love beyond

My boobs,

Beyond my thrusts,

Beyond my touch,

Beyond the trauma they can taste

When I come round

And loosen up,

They see an easy ass to rape.

They see easy

They see easy

They see vulnerability

They see a store

That they can loot

While the city is sleeping.

They steal TVs,

Leave fever dreams

That wake me up each night at 3,

No longer sleep,

No longer weep,

I just stare blankly at a screen

Marking my pins on Google Maps,

1,000 places I can flee

Sad white rappers who saw just saw trash,

Not my technicolor body.

So what, I’m chubby.

So I’m tattooed

With my own untrained right hand.

So what, I’m scarred,

So what, I’m childish,

So I can’t live off the land.

I see this universe in me,

The constellations so unique

That you wouldn’t recognize them

Lest I taught you to perceive.

And I reserve heavenly teachings

For the souls who do not seek

To wrap their tentacles around me,

Squeeze until I cannot breathe.

I reserve it for my ____

For the silence when we speak

Amidst the distance from

______ to Florence, Kentucky.

It feels like lightyears when we’re absent

From each other for two weeks,

Thank god sound travels fast as Flash

For children of technology.

And in the silence of the hours,

I can hear him piss and eat,

The little sounds of Stardew Valley,

Planting flowers on repeat.

So I pretend that I’m beside him,

Like there’s nowhere else to be,

And I relax within his grasp -

No nightmares,

Only reveries.