#when the two hyperfixations align

[astersghost]

Orym would be an avatar of the lonely for suRe self destructive isolation despite being surrounded by people, thinking as long as he can protect everyone else in the long run his silent suffering doesn't matter. Chet as the hunt cus yeah werewolf. I think that Ashton would actually fall into a mix of the Desolation and the End they are too self destructive and impulsive for their own well being but extremely protective of others w/out getting too close and have died twice only to barely survive at the whim of luck, mf has a weird relationship with death. I think Fearne would align with being of the Spiral just for the chaos of it and how well the Spiral fits into how the Feywild works deceiving your senses making you question reality and mayhaps also Desolation cus fire. Laudna I feel would unwilling become an avatar of the corruption and the end, both due to the corruption of herself from Delilah but I feel like she just would fit into the ugly parts of life and death pate and the wolf thing is a great example of that I thinks (I adore Laudna so much her relationship with death and the ugly parts of existence due to Delilah is so important to mE). FCG I feel like is very much an avatar of the slaughter or at least who they believe they were before was, but I think they would also fit well into the Eye the ceaseless need to find purpose and understand themselves. Imogen gets assigned the vast because lightning and the vastness of space beyond our own perception of reality, her relationship with the endless dust storm dreams sounds like a hellscape of reliving the trauma of a statement. Dorian gets the vast just because he's pretty and likes the sky.

I've seen art for the Mighty Nein as avatars (with Veth being a Buried avatar, which is just *chef's kiss*), but has anyone imagined Bells Hells as avatars?

[llettucestuff]

hold on HOLD ON

tf community WHAT IS EARTHSPARK

IS IT A NEW SHOW??

I NEED TO KNOW

[angelcake10023]

Curious MK 💛 and the Man In The Red Scarf 🧣

This au is everything to me… be ready for me to not shut up about it.

If you want a little explanation on the au look under the cut

The au pretty much follows the beats of the movie with some twists to fit the world of LMK a bit better

Tang works at his College’s museum, doing tours on a lot of historical exhibits which heavily align with his special interests (lots of JTTW like stuff)

Pigsy is the local school teacher that takes his class to the museum every week- to learn obviously. Not cause he has a big crush on this pathetic museum nerd.

Anyway the museum is loosing interest and funding you know the gist, Tang somehow agrees to go on an expedition to flower fruit mountain to maybe find something worth putting on display. Probably something related to Sun Wukong

Tang is out of his element, but also this is his hyperfixation and he can tooootally find something of note surely. However what he doesn’t know is that a few certain spider henchmen in disguise have made their way onto his expedition crew and are hoping to find something powerful to bring back to their queen.

Once they get there they do a lot of fruitless searching, set up camp for the day, and an exhausted Tang is quickly ambushed by a newly awakened baby Monkey MK. He’s very curious about the bright color of Tang’s scarf and steals it when Tang takes it off to eat.

Tang has never seen or heard of this type of monkey on the mountain before, thinking he resembles Sun Wukong but thinking it ridiculous to think more of it. They play for a bit, Tang playfully wagering for his scarf back.

Anyway the expedition continues and they���re still unable to find anything and have to leave empty handed, (except for two pieces of a little monkey shaped rock.)

Mk ends up with Tang’s scarf as he’s leaving, deciding to secretly follow them back. Wholesome shenanigans ensue just like in the movie. Tang struggles being a dad to this monkey who’s attached himself to him, while also learning he might not really be normal monkey. Add in some Monkey power shenanigans hehe. Also some spider henchmen repeatedly trying and failing to capture Mk (comedically managing to also go unnoticed every time)

Of course in the climax, Tang is pretty worn down. He’s homeless, jobless, and a disappointment. He doesn’t think he can handle taking care of MK, and that’s when Sun Wukong shows up. He’s been keeping an eye on them and knows MK has mystic powers that are probably too much for a human to handle- so he’s willing to take him off Tang’s hands.

Tang reluctantly agrees, much to MK’s confusion and sadness. Trying to reach and grab onto him repeatedly as Tang holds back tears and begs Wukong to take him. Wukong does and Mk, who’s been struggling with any speech up to this point finally manages a soft and scratchy “no” just as Wukong’s cloud zips away with them both.

Tang immediately regrets it, his regret fueled after he talks with Pigsy. He made a mistake and he needs his kid back.

Unfortunately, The Spider Queen and co managed to ambush Wukong similar to the show and capture baby MK. Cue Tang, Pigsy, and Sandy teaming up to rescue the monkeys

Rescue ensues, Tang and Mk reunite wholesomely, Wukong is impressed by Tangs determination to save the kid despite his mortality. Wukong gives him some cool treasure junk that they can take back to the museum

The day is saved, Tang and MK are a family, and Tang finally got Pigsy’s flirting through his dense head lmaooooo

Dad Tang and Baby MK are so special to me… thank you for reading haha. Itll probably be fleshed out more in the future as well

[eelnoise]

with hearts aligned (nsfw!)

zoro x fem!reader this fic's followup btw. takes place between fishman island and PH (yes there's lore!! 🙄! and yes zoro did keep all that shit bottled up for a bit!!) cw: confessions of love, somewhat troubled zoro, not-so-awkward first times (our boy is intuitive okay ?!), piv sex, fingering, cute stuff idk an: okay i know this took a long time but i re-wrote this like 5 times and accidently got hyperfixated on ffxiv and generally needed a break from writing BUT WE ARE BACK BABY !!! wc: 3.4k tagging @bby-deerling @kaizokuniichan @sleepymarimo @willowbelle @nina-ya

The clinking of cutlery upon plates and chatter among friends fills the small island tavern with animated joy and serene relief. Brook plays the violin somewhere to the left side of the room, though the eager blathering of the crew drowns out the more finer notes and melodies played. 

A well-deserved interruption and a welcome change from the unpredictable nature of the past few day’s events – though for Zoro, it’s a distraction that’s come to an end. Despite the crew being whole again, he still feels a hollowness within – something no amount of eating or drinking or fighting can fill.

And it’s entirely his fault.

You sit across the table from him, sipping at a near-empty glass of wine and discussing something inaudibly with Usopp. He can’t quite read your expression from where he’s seated, but you look interested enough in the conversation. 

And if it’s obvious to himself that he’s keeping you at arm’s length, it’s clear to anyone with a working conscience that he’s doing his utmost to avoid you. The many longing gazes from his peripheral do not go unnoticed, but he dares not to look – for the hurt in your eyes would crush him and sear and stain into his soul.  A far-flung difference from the camaraderie that came before all of this, when the two of you were rarely found an inch too far apart from one another – and now Zoro can’t even look you in the eye. After his many imagined intimate rendezvous,how could he?

With you distracted, he lets his eye wander across your face, to the length of your arm, down to the glass pinched between your fingers – but it comes to rest upon your lips. He watches, transfixed on the flight peek of your tongue behind your teeth when you speak, how your lips twist with each syllable, how they purse when you’re in thought, and the way they stretch across your cheeks when you smile.

Zoro’s throat tightens, a sharp dagger of guilt carving into his chest. He forces his stare to the table, the tiniest sliver of your form still lingering in the corner of his vision. You’ve journeyed this far, fought, bled, and laughed together. And now, for once, he’s unable to find the words to say.

The weight of his inaction bears down on him, leaving him listless. The only respite he’s found is in the distraction of a battle, a thudding, a clash, steel ringing against steel. In those moments, he’s alive, he’s focused, and the words that plague his every waking thought cease to exist. But without the battle, Zoro is left with nothing but the echoes of unspoken desires.

His hand trembles, gripping his mug of ale as he brings it to his lips. The bitterness of the brew does little to quell the fire in his chest. He’s a swordsman, a pirate – not a poet, bard, or a man of words. It’s a mess of feelings. Lust, want, longing, love, all these indescribable sensations that only serve to make Zoro feel weak and helpless and vulnerable when faced with them. He feels like a coward, daring never to speak to you again, never to confess his feelings, and never pulling you into his arms and kissing you senseless.

Zoro’s eye meets yours for one singular fleeting moment, the intensity of the connection making his heart race. He knows he can’t keep up this charade, this dance of avoidance – but how does one even confess to these feelings? How does one bridge the gap between comrade and lover? He scratches his chin, trying to come up with a solution, but all he can think of is a single, frustrating fact: he can’t keep running.

Whether it’s every empty bottle he’s seen the bottom of tonight, the last of his resolve wearing thin, or just the sheer guilt of it all that drives him suddenly to his feet, he isn’t sure. Inhaling one of the deepest breaths he’s ever taken, he silently trudges around the table to where you’re seated.

At first, he hovers awkwardly so as to not interrupt the conversation you’re having. Both hands come to rest at either side of the back of your chair and he can feel his pulse through his fingertips on the wood – and when you tilt your head up to look at him, a curious smile twitching at the edges of your cheeks, he cracks.

Zoro clears his throat and forces his gaze. “I need to talk to you for a sec.”

His voice is hoarse as he asks, and he hopes you can’t hear the nerves that lie beneath his words. Surprised by how much he’s sweating and how his heart races against his ribcage, he swallows to regain some semblance of composure.

“It’s important,” he adds, trying not to stumble over his thoughts. It’s a pitiful excuse, but all that comes to mind amidst the maelstrom of emotion in his head.

“Oh, yeah – of course!” You reply with raised brows and begin to stand. Zoro allows you the room to move, taking a step back from the table. “Sorry, Usopp,” you say as you turn and give him a weak shrug, “Remind me where we left off later?”

“No prob!” The sniper shoots a thumbs-up and the two of you exchange a wave before you turn to follow Zoro away from the lively table and out of the tavern.

Zoro leads you to a quiet spot by the docks nearby, where the salty scent of the sea mingles with the faint tang of fish and the distant hum of the island. He can’t bring himself to look at you, electing instead to focus on the water and the twinkling reflection of the night sky in the soft waves.

“Everything okay?” You ask softly, taking a few steps toward him and assuredly taking note of his hesitance. “What’s up?”

“I missed you,” Zoro replies, fixated on the sigh of the shifting tides lapping at the wooden posts below. “A lot.”

“I missed you too, Zoro, but what’s so urgent?” The concern in your tone is apparent and caring, and normally works to soothe him when his mind runs rampant – but this moment, this situation he finds himself in, it does the opposite.

“No,” Zoro shakes his head, his fingers twitching at his sides. “I missed you - differently from the others.”

“Differently?”

Zoro’s jaw clenches, and part of him wants to jump into the ocean and swim as far away from the island as his arms will take him. The honest admission hangs heavy on his tongue, the weight of the years of denial suddenly threatening to push it out. He pauses, opens and closes his mouth a few times, then finally, with a shaky exhale, he looks you straight in the face.

“I love you.”

The admission hangs between you, the weight of years of suppression. Zoro shifts his weight from one foot to the other, twinges of regret creeping up the nape of his neck.  It takes you a moment to reply, and considering the nature of the confession, it's reasonable. Zoro's nerves feel like hot coals beneath his skin as he watches your face for any sign of an answer.

“...for real?” Your gentle response fills his entire being with a wistful spark of hope.

Zoro's fingers curl into fists. "Yes, for real," he confirms, still not looking up. His heart thuds painfully in his chest, a heavy, leaden weight. All his hopes and fears rest on the outcome of this conversation. He's unsure if he could handle rejection, but he can't go back to the pretense any longer. Zoro swallows, tasting bile at the back of his throat. "I should've told you before now, but I... I'm an idiot.” He lets out a humorless laugh, his voice quiet.

He isn’t sure when you move, but a smaller, softer hand wraps around his – and in an instant, he feels himself relax into your touch. Zoro relaxes his grip, allowing your fingers to entwine with his.

He snaps his gaze towards you, his heartbeat ringing loudly in his ears. You peer at him, a sweet, crooked smile on your lips and a blush across your face. And when your free hand finds purchase on his cheek, Zoro finds himself leaning in. 

You meet him halfway in a genuine, tender kiss that sends a jolt of electricity coursing through him. Zoro's arms wrap around you and pull you close. The world around falls away as you both delight in the embrace. The kiss is gentle, delicate, and filled with longing. It floods him with an unexpected warmth – and for once, he can't think of the past or the future. He's simply lost in the present moment.

When you finally pull away, Zoro can't help but lean into your palm on his cheek with a bit of a dazed smile on his face. Holding onto your hand, his other hand slowly moves to cup your cheek in return. His heart is pounding, his mind a blank slate tinged with overwhelming happiness. He's lost in your gaze, unable to speak, but he doesn't need to. The moment says everything.

"Do you know how much I missed you?" you murmur, lips ghosting his and thumb trailing upward to gently trace the lower half of the scar that now covers his right eye. "How often I thought of you?"

And then you say it - the words he's only imagined hearing you speak.

"I love you, too.”

Zoro's chest tightens, a lump forming in his throat as he meets your gaze, his heart swelling. Words fail him, the raw emotion in his gut silences his voice.  A slow smile spreads across his lips, a look of awe and joy shadowing his features. He doesn't need words. The simple fact that you feel the same is enough to fill him with warmth and peace. 

Leaning in again, Zoro captures you in another deep kiss – a deep and soulful kiss that speaks volumes. He's consumed by the feeling of being with you, of finally being able to express his love. His hand moves to cup the back of your head, pulling you closer, and he kisses you with all the passion and longing he's suppressed for far too long.

You sigh into him, the sound willingly swallowed by Zoro’s growing hunger. Arms wrap around his shoulders and you press yourself into him, the opened-mouthed kiss quickly turning into a twist of tongues dancing together in a frenzied rhythm with audible smacks of saliva mixing with each meeting of your lips. His hand clutches your hair more firmly, his other hand slipping around her waist to pull you impossibly closer.

The gesture is all-consuming, a whirlpool of desire and affection that leaves him lightheaded. For the first time in years, he feels like he's truly alive, his heart beating in perfect harmony with yours.

Slowly breaking the kiss, Zoro's lips ghost over your jawline, trailing down to your collarbone as he breathes in your scent, savoring every moment. He wants to memorize the taste, the feel, and the sound of your breath as his hands roam over your body, his heart beating a furious tempo.

You let out a small gasp when his lips touch your sensitive flesh, your body reacting to his every move. Goosebumps raise in the wake of his fingertips as he nibbles at your neck, causing your grip to tighten and for you to moan softly into his ear. 

Part of Zoro wants to take you here and now, but what remains of his will stops him. He growls into your neck and lifts you up fully and, – with a little assistance from you –  heads in the direction of the ship anchored nearby. The others wouldn't be back for a while, so why not take advantage of the privacy?

You’re weightless in his arms as he carries you away from the bustle of the small island village and towards the deck of the Thousand Sunny. Zoro can feel himself growing hard beneath the fabric of his pants as you kiss and nip along his neck, giggling in his ear when he retaliates with a playful squeeze to your rear and a rumbling growl against your skin.

He wastes little time pushing the door to the men’s quarters open with the tip of his boot, his grip on your hips tightening when he moves to lift you onto the nearest bunk, one hand still clutching your waist while the other travels up under your shirt to caress your chest, deft hands making quick work of unhooking your bra and tossing it aside to be forgotten.

Zoro’s breathing hitches, his eyes dark and lustful as he dips his head to suckle at the swell of your breast. He can feel himself twitching against your thigh, and despite his inexperience, he wants nothing more than to please you. 

He kisses down your body, taking a nipple into his mouth and flicking it with his tongue while his hand roams, finding your core already soaked with desire. He pauses, fingers grazing over your clothed slit and feeling you shiver in pleasure. Zoro murmurs your name, and snakes his fingers beneath the waistband of both your shorts and panties before sliding them down your legs in one motion, leaving you naked and bared before him. His own pants follow suit, quickly discarded next to yours.

Zoro's hand finds its way between your thighs again, spreading your folds with ease, and he lowers his head to kiss you once more, his tongue probing your mouth as his fingers gently stroke your clit, drinking in your soft moans.

"Show me." He whispers just loud enough for her to hear. His expression is a loving one, though she notes the slightest bit of hesitance in his words.

Show me how you like it.

You nod and guide his fingers, taking two of the large digits and easing them in circles on your clit. "Not too rough, though," you say patiently, letting go of him with a soft sigh and an encouraging smile. 

Zoro hums in acknowledgment, his thumb and forefinger doing as you ask, the slickness of your pussy allowing his fingers to move easily as he continues to tease at your clit. His other hand rests on your hip, steadying you as his thumb rolls over the sensitive bundle of nerves, eliciting small moans from you. 

Zoro brushes the tip of his finger against your entrance in an experimental move, and by the way you wreathe and whine, he's urged to continue his work. He slides one past your folds and inside of you, making your toes curl and your back arch.

"Shit–" You sputter out between breathless sighs of desire. "Feels really good..."

One finger becomes two, your inner walls clenching around them as he scissors them in and out of your pussy. There's a wet slosh of sound coming from where you meet, your wetness audibly coating his fingers and dripping down down his wrist. 

Zoro's breath hitches at the sound of your pleasure, his eyes dark with desire as he watches your reaction. He's entranced by how your body responds to him, and he can't help but lick his lips as he continues to finger you. He adds a third, the stretch making you gasp and tighten around him.

His pace increases, his fingers swirling and thrusting within you, and he watches as your body writhes and arches beneath him. He can feel the tension building in you, the way your breath hitches and your eyes flutter closed.

"Do you want me inside you?" Zoro asks, his voice low and thick with need. He's anxious to give you pleasure, but he's struggling to keep himself from joining his fingers inside you.

"Please," you whine, eyes wide and watery with pleasure but red hot with the need for more. "Need you, Zoro."

Zoro's heart beats wildly in his chest, his own need for you overwhelming as he pulls his fingers from your slick warmth and licks them clean before sitting back on his heels to position himself between your legs. He lines his cock up with your entrance and looks into your eyes, the passion reflected in his own.

Without warning, he thrusts forward, plunging deep into your tightness. You're hot and wet around him, and he lets out a growl of satisfaction as he bottoms out. He pauses for a moment, allowing you both to adjust and to revel in the feeling of being connected. He pulls back, slowly at first, then picks up the pace as he leans over you, the headboard digging into the wall with each forceful thrust. Zoro's eyes never leave yours, his gaze locked as if he's trying to absorb every detail of your expression.

Each stroke of his cock against your walls feels heaven-sent, and the taste of you that lingers on his tongue drives him crazy with want. Nails dig into the flesh of his triceps and your back arches, a song of passion belting from between your lips, a serenade made for him and him alone.

Zoro grunts at the sound of your pleasure, his thrusts becoming even more ferocious as he watches your reaction, the sight of you so lost in ecstasy driving him to the brink. He grips your hips, holding you steady as he pounds into you, the sweat glistening on your skin as your bodies collide.

The moonlight trickling in from the window illuminates your body below him. It's a sight better than anything he could dream, your face contorting in bliss and ecstasy, hands clinging harshly onto him as if he'd disappear if you let go. Savoring a feeling that neither wants to forget.

"You're so fucking perfect." Zoro growls, leaning over you to kiss you feverishly, his tongue seeking yours as he fucks you. He can feel the tension building, the way your body tenses and your nails dig into his skin, and he knows you're close. He wants to give you this moment, wants to make you cum as much as he wants to feel it himself.

"Come on," he urges, his voice thick with lust. "Let go for me." The words were a warning, a promise that he wasn't going to last much longer..Zoro increases the pace of his assault, his own release imminent as he watches your face, your eyes half-lidded and flushed with pleasure. Together, you move, driven by the primal need for release.

Zoro's thumb meets your clit, matching the rhythm of his thrusts with the speed of his ministrations. The dual stimulation pushes you over the edge, crying out butchered attempts at his name as your body convulses around him, your orgasm washing over you in waves. Zoro can't hold back any longer, feeling his own climax building as he watches you.

With a roar, he lets go, burying himself deep as he cums, the spasms of your walls milking him as he shudders and groans into your ear, seed spilling inside of you. He pants heavily, leaning over you as he rests on his forearms, his forehead meeting yours. He stays like that long enough to press a quick kiss to your lips before collapsing atop you with a very exhausted, but very relieved sigh. 

You breathlessly hold him close. Cradling his sweaty form to your chest, one hand makes its way into his moss-green tresses to lightly scratch at his scalp. Zoro lets himself relax, letting out a sigh and nestling into your shoulder. He closes his eyes, feeling thoroughly sated in your embrace.

Zoro pulls out of you eventually, gently rolling off your body to rest. He pulls you into his side as he nuzzles into your hair. "I love you." He whispers, his voice soft and tender and almost unrecognizable.

Snuggling into his side, your hand still lazily strokes his head. "I love you too," you reply, voice equally tender, and a smile playing at the corners of your lips.

Your soft touch and tender words soothe Zoro, your shared connection cemented in the aftermath of passion. He wraps an arm around you, pulling you closer as he feels himself drifting off to sleep, a smile still lingering on his lips. The words you whispered echo in his mind, a warm feeling settling in his chest – and together, in each other's arms, you find peace.

[intervex]

What Pride Flags Mean, Part 1: Gender and Attraction

Welcome to the latest installment of my autistic hyperfixation on flags! I wanted to figure out a common language of Colour X means Thing Y. Like how pink is consistently used for feminine.

Having a common language for flag meanings matters because it improves cognitive accessibility of flags. ♿️💙

But I didn't want to be prescriptive about what colours should mean what. Just because I think Thing X should go with Colour Y doesn't mean everybody else would.

So this turned into a descriptive, empirical project. I gathered a data set of 2060 pride flag colour choices to figure out what are the most common colour-meaning combinations. Some of the results:

And here are the abstract modifiers: these are modifiers that were generally shared between the genders and the attractions. For example, black is used to indicate having no gender as well as having no attraction.

Click here for tables with okLCH values, hex values, definitions, and notes - I've put a more detailed write-up on my Wikimedia Commons userpage. (Mediawiki supports sortable tables and Tumblr does not.)

METHODS-AT-A-GLANCE

To make the figures above, I assembled a data set of pride flag colours. It contains 2060 colour choices from 624 pride flags, representing 1587 unique colours. Click here for a detailed description of how I gathered and tagged the pride flag colours and tagged them.

For each tag, I converted every colour to okLCH colour space and computed a median colour. OkLCH colour space is an alternative to RGB/hex and HSL/HSV. Unlike RGB/hex and HSL/HSV, okLCH is a perceptual colour space, meaning that it is actually based on human colour perception. 🌈

In okLCH space, a colour has three values:

- Lightness (0-100%): how light the colour is. 100% is pure white.

- Chroma (0-0.37+): how vibrant the colour is. 0 is monochromatic. 0.37 is currently the most vibrant things can get with current computer monitor technologies. But as computer monitor technologies improve to allow for even more vibrant colours, higher chroma values will be unlocked.

- Hue (0-360°): where on the colour wheel the colour goes - 0° is pink and 180° is teal, and colours are actually 180° opposite from their perceptual complements.

The important thing to know is that okLCH Hue is not the same Hue from HSV/HSL - the values are different! (HSL and HSV are a hot mess and do not align with human colour perception!)

You can learn more about okLCH through my little write up, which was heavily influenced by these helpful articles by Geoff Graham, Lea Verou, and Keith J Grant.

You can play with an okLCH colour picker and converter at oklch.com

🌈

MORE RESULTS: COLOUR DISTRIBUTIONS

Back when I started tagging my data, I divided my data into five main chunks: Gender qualities (e.g. masculine, androgynous), Attraction (e.g. platonic, sexual), Values (e.g. community, joy), Disability (e.g. Deaf, blind), and Other.

I'll talk about Disability and Values in future posts! But for an alternate view of the data, here are the full distributions of the colours that were placed in each tag.

They come in three parts: tags I created for Gender, tags for Attraction, and tags from Other. The abstract modifiers are spread between the first two, though their contents transcend Gender and Attraction.

Some distributions have a lot more variance within them than others. Generally speaking, major attraction types tended to have the least variance: sensual attraction is really consistently orange, platonic is really consistently yellow, etc.

Variance and size do not correlate. Many of the smaller tags are quite internally consistent. I don't have a ton of tags in "current gender" but they're all the same dark purple. Xenine/xenogender has a whole bunch of entries, and there's a really big spread from blue to yellow.

Some tags, like intersex as well as kink/fetish show there are a small number of different colours that are very consistently used. Whereas other tags like masculine show a very smooth range - in this case from cyan to purple.

Overall I'm pretty satisfied with how things wound up! 🥳 It makes sense to me that an umbrella term like xenogender would have a lot of variance. What honestly makes me happiest is just how many tags wound up 180 or 90 degrees from their opposites/complements. 🤩

Not everything lined up nicely (the opposite of drag is .... neuroqueer? awkward.) 🤨 Some things lined up in hilarious ways, like how initially I had the opposite of kink/fetish being Christian (amazing.)

But as a whole, there's a lot of structure and logic to where things landed! I hope this makes sense for other people and can help inform both flag making as well as flag interpreting (e.g. writing alt-text for existing flags). 🌈

I'm hoping to post the Disability and Values analyses in the coming days! If you want to learn more, my detailed notes along with tables etc are over on my Wikimedia Commons userspace. 💜

Everything here is Creative Commons Sharealike 4.0, which means you're free to reuse and build on my visualizations, tables, etc. Enjoy!

[watatsumiis]

Being A Part of the Sumeru Squad!

I've been thinking a lot recently about being a part of the ‘in’ group in Sumeru - the ones shown to be good friends on screen already (Tighnari, Cyno, Al Haitham and Kaveh!) I feel like there's lots of ways one could slot themselves into the dynamic and it's just very pleasant and fun to think about. 

(Rambles below the cut. Platonic stuff, reader is referred to as ‘you’ and is entirely gender neutral) 

Though the squad is almost constantly making playful little jabs at one another, bickering back and forth and whatnot, they're overall a pretty supportive and kind group and accept you into their midst without too much fuss. 

You soon find yourself invited to a myriad of small, casual get-togethers where the group catches up with one another. It's kind of weirdly formal at first, with so many of them holding such high and important statuses. 

Luckily, Kaveh also ends up feeling pretty left out during these discussions, so you'll have someone to chat with or ask questions when you've lost track of the topic at hand. Plus, he's often got some very funny (and surprisingly astute) commentary to add on, even when the subject is painfully dull. 

Once all the politics are out of the way, the conversation tends to ease right up for a little while. Regardless of whether you're at some restaurant or cafe, or just hanging out at someone's house, there's usually snacks available and things will remain super lighthearted for a bit, all jokes and talks of recently released books or occasional infodumps about hyperfixations and special interests. 

On that subject, whenever the stars align and two or more group members have the same special interest or hyperfixation, hoo boy, you can expect them to monopolise the conversation and somehow always drag it back to whatever niche fascinations that they may have accrued lately. 

If you have something you want to talk about, you can rest assured that at least one person in the room will be able to engage. Everybody has their own collection of equally specific and obscure knowledge - with the occasional kind of hilarious overlap. Kaveh and Cyno’s shared fascination with Fontanian machinery, or Tighnari and Al-Haitham’s in-depth discussions of insectoid languages and their potential overlap with human ones are some of the first to come to mind. 

Of course, disagreements do break out every now and then - but everyone is fairly civil for the most part, if a little bit overdramatic and occasionally loud. It's interesting to see how everyone the group tends to take sides almost as soon as a hint of a possible disagreement rears its head. Al-Haitham once questioned Cyno's sense of humour, querying whether it could really be considered comedy if nobody was laughing, and pretty soon, Tighnari and Kaveh were arguing along as passionately as if they'd been personally insulted. 

You tend to be the tiebreaker more often than not - with such an evenly split group, there often tends to be an even balance between whatever arguments. It doesn't help that Al-Haitham likes to break it all down and give pros and cons for both sides (while still keeping his own stance firm), which may make it impossible for you to decide. 

Luckily, it's easy enough for you to guide the group's attention elsewhere. Just offer to make them some hot drinks or ask if someone wants to play a round of Genius Invocation, and it's like the argument never happened at all. 

It's easy to wind up feeling a little out of place in a group of such highly ranking people, but it's like your friends develop a sixth sense for when you're starting to get a little confused or feeling out of your depth. Instead of poking fun at you (like they do for Kaveh), they'll find a way to rope you into the conversation that doesn't put too much pressure on you. Cyno and Tighnari, especially, seem to have a way of relating things to subjects that are in your area of expertise to help you parse them better so you can find your footing and be debating back and forth with the rest of them. 

Game nights tend to get really intense. It's not a case of if someone will flip their lid, it's simply a case of when. Alliances and subsequent betrayals are all too common, and you'll often find yourself being bribed to help someone one-up another person. 

They even have a ‘trophy’ for winning each week's game night. It's a tiny crown, carved out of wood and painted gold. Collei made it and donated it to the group. Whoever possesses the crown also possesses the ultimate bragging rights until the next gaming night (or until they accidentally sit on it and squash it with their big clumsy butt. Kaveh ). 

Though the group is chaotic, noisy, and constantly teasing one another, they're all so supportive of one another and will stick together through thick and thin. As the conversations slow down, sometimes some pretty serious subjects get brought up, heavy venting and other such similar things. 

Though, they're all very understanding if someone isn't in the correct headspace for that sort of talk, and will happily postpone it or talk about it elsewhere if needed. They're also very used to multiple conversations happening at once, so it's easy enough for someone to dodge around the heavy topics if they need to. 

The squad can be almost violently supportive at times. Sometimes you worry that Cyno may be one hundred percent genuine about abusing his status as the General Mahamatra to threaten somebody who mildly inconvenienced you one time in the market last week. 

Overall, the vibes of the friend group are super fun (if a little intense at times). They may not say it directly, but everyone is super glad to have you around, hanging out with them and getting in on all the goofs they make and shaking up their dynamic a little bit.

Please don't repost, steal, copy or otherwise plagiarise my writing! I do not consent for my works to be translated and posted elsewhere, or copy - pasted into bot or AI technology.

[cat-autism-wizard]

five times danny's english class learned that he was phantom (and one time he had to reveal it)

1- wes weston

wes has always been observant and after ghosts appeared out of nowhere he became obsessed with them. he always has been someone who loved the supernatural things and seeing actual ghosts? it only boost his hyperfixation on the supernatural.

when ghost boy appeared he was happy like everyone else but somehow ghost boy felt familiar. but it cant be right? i mean how can he 'know' a ghost hes never seen before? but he couldnt get over that feeling so he observed the ghost more attentively than any of the ghosts.

all he learned about ghost boy was aligning with one of his classmate but that cant be. danny was a human. he was pretty sure of that, he remembered when he helped the health teacher about the pulses he was sure danny had a pulse even a pretty healthy one.

all his mind was telling him he couldnt say ghost boy was danny without any evidence. he had two theories both without evidence (for now) and it was that danny died and his ghost was haunting his corpse or secondly someone could be a human and a ghost at the same time. his gut was telling he was in the right path to discover the truth. so he started to pay close attention to the fenton boy. he noticed danny always disappeared when there was a ghost attack. suspicious. then he realized ghost boy also was acting with that manson girl and the foley boy. ghost boy and danny were NEVER in the same room. and lastly when ghost revealed his name was danny phantom wes felt like he was losing his mind. he was right about fenton. but how?

one day on a break time he made sure he bumped into fenton 'accidentally' hoping he could somehow check his pulse. and he did (even though he did seem like a creep as he stood there looking at him in the eye directly while holding his wrist). danny had a pulse but it was much slower than average and somehow his skin was cold. wes realized he also looked so much paler than before.

he was right. danny was human at the beginning of the year but now he wasnt so sure.

his skin was cold and pale and his pulse was slower. that didnt seem normal to wes. so he continued with his second theory. someone could be both a human and a ghost at the same time like half ghost half human or something. he didnt know how to prove this. so he did what he thought was the best option.

s̶t̶a̶l̶k̶i̶n̶g̶ watching him closely.

the next time there was a ghost attack he tried to find fenton before phantom appeared but he failed as the boy was already out of the class even before the ghost attack happened. and it happened again.

huh.

wes decided just one lesson (turned into the whole day) to watch fenton rather than listening to what the teacher was saying. then he saw it. some kind of visible breath like you breath in the cold weather. then fenton excused himself to the bathroom and another ghost attack happened.

he got him now.

next time right after fenton excused himself to the bathroom wes also excused himself. he was right there. some glowing rings appeared around the black haired boy and he turned into the beloved cryptid of amity park.

wes was right he was half ghost half human.

after getting his confirmation wes was satisfied but now he was confused more than ever. everyone loved phantom but fenton here was getting bullied everyday by the same person who basically worshipped phantom. would it be easier for him if everybody knew who he was? i mean sure he had ghost hunters for parents but wes was sure fentons wouldnt hurt their own kid even if that kid was a ghost.

so wes made it his mission to help him come out easily. but when he approached the trio (he was 100% sure both manson and foley knew the truth so no harm done) they acted like wes was crazy.

"really wes? me? and phantom?" danny laughed at wes. it annoyed wes.

"i know the truth fenton. but i dont understand why youre not telling anyone. everyone loves phantom." wes said trying to ignoring the gaslighting.

"if i was phantom which i am not, i would have my own reason not to tell." danny tried to reason with wes with a slight annoyance in his voice.

"anyway theres no point in talking about this seeing phantom is a ghost and danny is a human." sam tried to shut down the conversation.

"no hes both. i saw him transform." as soon as wes told them he saw the trio's eyes widened. tucker was the one who broke the silence.

"saw him transform? like some kind of magical girl? cmon wes at least be more realistic." he tried to play it off sam joined him but danny still looked petrified.

"are you sure youre not watching too much anime or something?" sam and tucker laughed it off.

wes felt the rage in his veins. he was right and they knew it. so he was going to proved it. to everyone that danny was in fact phantom and to danny that everything would be easier for him if people knew.

wes started to gather evidence. he would talk about it to his friends but no one ever heard him out. it made him even more furious. he started to lose friends but he didnt care. he was going to prove them all.

he only stopped trying to expose phantom after seeing GIW trying to kill a normal kid because they thought he was phantom without any conformation or any hesitation. wes didnt realize how dangerous it could be for danny until then.

he felt bad. so now he decided to help him somehow. people thought he was crazy right? then he was gonna convince people who could hurt fenton he was wrong by acting even crazier. was it gonna cost him all his years of high school? probably but if people heard him out before he couldve got the boy killed and he couldnt just stop because if he stopped abruptly it would be more suspicious and frankly he didnt want to risk it.

what did he get himself into.

1 2 3 4 5 +1

[ashestxr]

being in the hermitcraft/life series fandom while also being hyperfixated on cherik is a problem, because i cant stop imagining the xmen and the brotherhood as minecraft youtubers that are normally very chill and respectful but go batshit when put on a pvp server with barely any rules 😭

like, hear me out, xmen first class as 3rd life

charles gathers as many of his youtuber friends and acquaintances as possible for a hardcore minecraft server where everyone has three lives, expecting it to be all peaceful and stuff until people are on their red life, and at first it is, when people are just getting started. erik and charles team up, of course, and so do a few others like shaw and emma or raven and hank, most people just sticking to themselves

but then shaw is an ass and breaks the "rules" by killing erik on purpose while not on his red life. this ends with erik swearing that he'll be the one to get shaw out of the series (charles is not impressed when he finds out)

things get relatively more peaceful again after that, people dying on accident here and there, but of course, that doesnt last long as shaw is the first to get to his last life. hes allowed to kill people now and its made worse by the fact that his alliance has grown stronger, azazel and janos have joined him and emma in their castle on the beach. shaw is even proudly showing off his new netherite helmet, despite the fact that helmets arent allowed on the server

moira decides to do something about that and goes to charles and erik to ask for help of aligning as many other people as possible against the four of them before they get more allies. they go off on their own to recruit the others while moira builds a secret base for their meetings. unsurprisingly, everyone agrees to join them, but they didnt know that shaw had already recruited angel before asking her. a couple more people get on their red life outside of shaw. the team has a couple of successful secret meetings, but angel rats them out and tells shaw where they are

while charles erik and moira are out scoping out shaws base, they find only emma is there and end up in a stand off. shaw and the others storm the secret base and find darwin, alex and angel there. it ends with angel being revealed as a traitor and alex and darwin killed. alex is on his last life, but darwin was already on red, so hes first out of the server. he gets made fun of by alex for that ("seriously darwin? you can adapt to survive anything but that doesnt translate to minecraft skills??"). emma is also killed shortly after and is second out

before this, everyone that was against shaw was just in a tentative alliance, nothing like what shaws team was like. they would have meetings and help each other with some things, but they were still off on their own. but now they were a team, sticking together in their new base and and helping each other grow stronger

on the final day of the server, most of the people were on red, charles being one of the few still on yellow. the plan was to swarm shaws team while they were still inside their base, but since last time they were there, it had been trapped and all hell broke loose once they stepped inside. practically everything blew up, and azazel, janos, and angel jumped them shortly afterward while they were still confused. shaw was no where to be found

erik went to look for him while everyone else fought and he found him in a secret room underground that had been untouched by the explosion. they fight and erik wins, donning the helmet that shaw was so proud of. during their fight, several other people lose their last life in the chaos, until eventually the only ones left are charles and moira, charles somehow miraculously still having two lives while moira is on her last

just as they are discussing how to end the game fairly, by having moira killing charles and then the three of them having a friendly battle to see who wins, erik comes back and sees that charles is still on his second life. he decides that charles deserves the win, or maybe they could have a joint win, and starts shooting moira from a distance, catching them off guard. moira starts to shoot back at erik, and while charles is trying to get them both to stop he gets shot in the chaos. already low on health from the battle before, and without any food to heal, he was one shot, and looses his second life and it was unfortunately eriks arrow that did it. moira, caught off guard at charles' sudden death, doesnt see erik coming closer and gets killed shortly after, leaving just erik and charles left

charles returns from his respawn and goes back to the beach with nothing on him and finds erik waiting there for him. erik asks if this means that they won. charles disagrees, saying that there has to be one winner, and all the "ghosts" left on the server agree in chat. erik begs him to reconsider, that it was charles' server, he could do whatever he wanted, they can change the rules and win together. they want the same thing. it was always their alliance above everyone else. charles disagrees.

theres nothing much that can be done. charles has nothing and moira took all of his things with her when she lost her last life. despite eriks insistence that they can have a fair fight, charles is already low health again and erik doesnt have enough food to get them both up to full health. charles takes the loss with dignity, and erik wins the first season

and of course, the collective fandom in their universe that has grown throughout this series freaks the fuck out over this finale 😭

like, charles and erik obviously become what desert duo is in our world (beach duo?), where people make a shit ton of art and fics about these two and also shipping them and people are still obsessed with their team-up even years after the first season has ended (their interactions in later seasons dont help)

and of course, the animatics. they are so dramatic and accidentally fool people into thinking theyre for something equally as dramatic, but when you actually watch it to see just how heart wrenching this series must be, this is what you see when you get to the big scene that everyone is obsessed over 😭

(imagine getting your fiancé into a silly block game only for him to get way more into it then you ever were)

i kinda got carried away while figuring out how to make xmfc fit into minecraft, cause despite all the detail i went into here, this au is mostly focused on these characters being minecraft youtubers rather than what they do in the game 😭

like i do have some plans for how dofp could work in the life series (and possibly making it be double life??), and the vaguest ideas for x1, but otherwise its just mostly silliness and dumb antics (like charles and erik being engaged but the fandom doesnt know or peter also being a youtuber and finding out that erik is his dad after already becoming friends with him online)

i really hope other people like this au because its been consuming my every thought lately 😭😭

[lotus-ignis]

lotus! I need some of your favourite 14/river fics, or honestly any of your favourite river/doctor fics!! I wanna get into my hyperfixation again in time for the Christmas special!

Ana 💕

You, Ana, have opened the pandoras box (aka my bookmarks) with this ask. This could become a bit long because a. I am a chatterbox, and b. I have little to no idea what your fic preferences are, so I'll just recommend you a bunch and hope that my taste in fics at least vaguely aligns with yours. Here we go:

*= Smut

°= Fix it

14 x River:

*This phantom life sharpens like an image (but it sharpens like a knive) This is the perfect fic. It isn't finished yet, and I'm honestly not sure anymore if it's a fix it or not, but it is great.

°In thee I delight A sweet little outsider!pov fic. Just something nice for the soul.

°It must be light wherever you are More of a multi-Doctor fic really (not at once), but there's some fourteen at the end.

13 x River:

°I'm Alive A short trilogy for when you need something funny and sweet.

°Love is not an emotion, it's a promise Again, multiple Doctors, but mainly 13. The Doctor refers to River as their 'little goddess'.

°5 Times The Doctor Talked About River Song With Graham (+1 Time The Fam Finally Met Her) It's in the title really. Very emotional. (Not as in sad necessarily, there are simply a lot of emotions).

°i am the distance you put between all of the moments that we will be Very lovely fic. Angstier than I thought tbh. So definetly something for when you want pain and longing. Has a happy ending though.

°You Know Who You Are and Yes You're Gonna Break Down This one's fun. They flirt, they dance, the Doctor's being gay... a bit of angst towards the end, but it gets resolved rather swiftly.

Of Handcuffs and Custard Creams Pure hilarity for when you need something to laugh about.

°she's got a smile that heals me Fix it happiness with a dash of angst and yearning, very sweet.

understanding I'm not sure how to describe this one. It is not necessarily Yaz bashing, it's just a lot of unrequited love. Very nice for when you're feeling vindictive after having to guess on every second fic on whether or not they're going to have the Doctors and Rivers marriage be open to sprinkle in some thasmin.

12 x River:

she blows out of nowhere, roman candle of the wild Human Au. Twelve is stood up on a date and River saves him. Banter and love at first sight ensure.

The Playwright and his muse Human Au. Twelve is a playwright in victorian(?) England, River Melody becomes his muse. A beautiful trilogy.

*But she prefers two lumps of sugar and tea Human Au. Twelve is the most grumpy barista that the world has ever seen, River does not put up with it. He immediatly falls in love, yet continues to be an idiot.

°Are we dancing after death, you and I? River gave the Doctor her regeneration energy, he becomes downright addicted. Angst, yearning, sweetness.

°I use the stars to find you This is just fluff and sapiness and domesticity. Like a long, warm, comforting hug.

*And if I get burned, at least we were electrified Sweet, hot smut. Twelve grows a beard.

*The voice of your eyes is deeper than all roses River has a praise kink. Very hot, and more emotional than it sounds. (Again, emotional does not mean sad. It just means... emotional).

Writing between the lines Have you ever wondered what elevens regeneration would've been like with River around? Well, wonder no longer! Here it is.

11 x River:

*°And all in war with Time for love of you The very first Doctorriver fic I ever read. A beautiful fix-it fic.

*though my eyes stare inward now at where you were Such a great fic. I won't spoil much because the riddle of it all is half the fun the first time around (for me it was, at least).

°Hold infinity in the palm of your hand The Doctor and River post dying. Very fun, very sweet. They're just so married (literally).

*heart swells like water A rewrite (or write along?) of 'Day of the moon' that fills in all the smutty gaps.

gazing into the abyss The Doctor has the last of the Mr. Clever residues fucked out of him by River. Very hot. River literally manages to seduce a robot. Not that we ever doubted her capability to do that.

To force them apart This might very well not be your cup of tea. I have a weakness for dark!Doctorriver.

°moved from day into night to be near you Steven Moffat had a very specific vision of how he wanted River and the Doctors story to end completly. This vision is sadly not canon. This vision is this fic.

Sharing Names This fic is amazing. It forever ingrained the headcanon in me that time lord names are telepathic.

Accomplice A fun little drabble. Hints of dark!Doctorriver.

a love that even time will lie down and be still for This one is so sweet! The Doctor is everything little Mels wanted in a partner.

and i'm thinking 'bout how people fall in love in mysterious ways Human AU. River is very much in love with one John Smith. This one has a bit of everything. Fluff, flirting, angst...

10 x River:

*competition This one's a (very hot) revenge on the Doctorrose shippers who put works in the Doctorriver tags that are very mean to River. Maybe not your cup of tea.

9 x River:

°*Where I've been It's been a while since I've read this one, but I remember that it was incredible, so there's that.

Worth living for River helps the Doctor heal after the time war. Very sweet, if I remember correctly.

Multi-Doctor x River:

All in Your Head There are three Doctors (+ companions) in the TARDIS at once. River decides to be a telepathic tease. Very, very funny.

°Glad We're Here This is one of the funniest fics I've ever read. There are two Doctors (technically three, but thirteen misses the main action) and two Rivers. Lot's of timey wimey shenanigans ensue. It is so funny.

°*There is a love I reminisce This fic is wonderful. It includes eleven and eight and mentions a lot of the Doctorriver encounters featured in the audioplays. I'll admit, the ending somewhat confuses me, but that's probably nothing that couldn't be fixed with a reread. Lots of timey-wimey stuff.

Energy for a lot of words, but not for a long story (Oneshot collections):

The myth of us never ends 100 stories

You taught me how to love when nobody ever could 15 stories

It's called Marriage, Honey 70 stories

Recommended Authors for even more fics:

Del (godessdel) Their writing is just beautiful. Everything they write is so beautiful.

flowingtune Has great story ideas. Also writes lots of thoschody, if that is your jam. Lots of timetots.

mygalfriday (BrinneyFriday) So. Many. Great. Au's!

melodypond_thewomanwhomarriedme (sexymonk) Has lots of fun stories and Au's.

HellNHighHeels I had one fic of the bookmarked and just checked them out to see if I should put them on the list. I haven't read much of them, but their stories sound like great fun.

TheWifeofRiverSong If you ever feel like reading the hottest smut, they're the author for you.

hihoplastic Their fics are good. I never noticed just how many Doctorriver fics of theirs I have in my bookmarks until now.

[heterochromicnachos]

I am very upset to realize that @xpecially isn’t going to listen to people saying they’re transphobic and rude, so I contacted my good friends on discord (and tumblr! @ink-sans0fficial and @kaz-the-little-rat-man ) to give me their opinions on cross and his trans-coding. Both of them are trans, so I figured it was best to get their opinion seeing as I’m not trans myself.

We’ll start with Ink. I’ve known ink for four years, and they’re amazing and really fun to be with.

Here’s what they had to say on the topic.

Ink agrees that cross is not at all transgender. The trans-coding, however, is still there. He possesses traits that people associate with a trans person, hence the term “Coding” and not Jael outwardly saying cross is trans.

Kaz and I tend to have more in depth discussions, so there’s a few more screenshots here. I’ve known Kaz for about two years, and they’re also a blast to be around. I love my friends so much bro /platonic

Kaz is way more into character studies than I am, and he’s extensively studied papyrus like I’ve never seen another person do. I’m talking HYPERFIXATED on that dude. So I trust him to give an accurate description of cross’s behaviors.

TLDR of their points if you don’t want to read their messages:

Ink: No, cross isn’t trans. Cross has traits of being trans, hence the coding. He has traits trans people can and are likely supposed to relate to.

Kaz: Changing your name isn’t DID. Cross has childhood trauma, yes. There’s a massive difference between a story about someone with DID and someone wanting to break away from the role they’ve been forced to fill their whole life. It’s one thing to say “hey, I think cross has DID and is trans-coded” and another to say “no he just had DID he’s not trans-coded at all he’s just mentally ill.”

As an avid cross fan, I want to say it’s entirely fine to say you don’t see cross as trans or trans-coded. The whole thing with headcanons is that they’re how YOU see the character. What I’m not fine with is when you try to force your headcanons down people’s throats and throw a fit when people rightfully protest against your rude actions.

It’s okay to say “I don’t think cross is trans-coded because ‘x’”.

It’s okay to say “I think cross had DID and PTSD because of X, Y, and Z.”

It’s not okay to say “Jael is a strange and gross person for throwing in representation where it doesn’t belong and I think everyone who believes her is stupid and gross and uneducated.”

I can’t make you change your mind about your headcanons. They’re yours, after all. They’re your opinions. But I need you to be aware that the way you phrased it made you seem incredibly ableist and transphobic, not to mention your evidence frequently contradicts itself.

What you essentially said was “No, cross isn’t trans-coded, he’s just mentally ill.” And that’s very rude to neurodivergent people and transgender people. People don’t need to be traumatized or mentally ill to have an excuse to want to change their identity. Sometimes you just want to be different in your own way, be yourself.

Cross changed his name because he didn’t like being sans. That’s the same reason Carson might change her name to Cassidy when she transitions. Or maybe why Emily changes his name to Eric when he transitions. Or why Cassandra calls herself Casey. Names mean a lot in every culture, even among animals. People want to be called what they’re comfortable with.

Cross isn’t comfortable with ‘Sans’. So he changed it. Like Cassidy and Eric did. Casey is fine with being called Cassandra, but she feels more comfortable being called Casey because it feels more casual and more appropriate to who she is.

Just because cross doesn’t align with your perception of what being transgender is doesn’t mean he’s not representation. Cross is there to say “Whoever you are, whatever your identity is, however you decide to define yourself, it’s who you are.” You can be Casey. You can be Cassidy. You can be Eric. You can be Dave the Magical Cheese Wizard if you so wish. Your identity should make you feel comfortable, make you feel like, well, you!

You shouldn’t have to force yourself to suffer with your self hate when you can change something small like your name and feel immensely better about yourself. Which is what cross did. He changed his name to stand out, and it helped him. Did it fix everything? No. Absolutely not. You can’t solve every problem by changing your name, but it’s a start. It may be a bigger start for some than others, but it’s always a start. There’s going to be more steps no matter where you go, and you just gotta keep going. You’ll reach the finish line someday, as long as you keep trying.

And that’s what cross is. His entire character story since the beginning of underverse has been “I don’t like who I am. I’m mean, I’m rude, I’ve hurt so many people. I don’t want to be like this.” So he tries to fix it. Changes his name, tries to repair his world, tries to fix the issues he caused. After season one, he hasn’t changed much. But this is where he starts to change more. His character arc of wanting to be HIMSELF comes through.

He wants to fix the issues he caused, yeah, but he seems to know he can’t do that by brute forcing it. Dream starts the process by telling him no one can take away what he really is, and that’s what kickstarts the whole uphill battle of cross developing. He starts becoming more confident, more defined, more emotional, he’s acting different in a better way. The climax of this so far is when he firmly and angrily tells his brother that he is NOT what he used to be, and he DOESNT want to be what he used to be. He’s happy with what he is, and he’s going to make sure he stays that way.

Do you see my point here? Cross is the allegory for the change a transgender person goes through. He’s nowhere near a simple and easy to see layout of “Hey, I’m cross now”, but he’s showing the development of a trans person in a way. He’s becoming who he WANTS to be, not what everyone else wants him to be. What he feels comfortable with, happy with, safe with.

And that, my friends, is where his trans-coding comes in. He’s not really transgender, no. He’s still a boy, clearly, but he displays the process that one would go through as a transgender person. The struggles, the changes, the victories. The deadnaming, the support, the backlash. He was never trans, but he absolutely has the traits one would associate with a trans character.

Thanks for coming to my ted talk, remember that you’re valid, no matter what you think, what you do, or what your headcanons are. We just gotta all try to be nice.

[earthstellar]

A lot of mini-bots (and quite a few other bots) have what might be considered neurodivergent traits (or have been confirmed as such), and I wonder if certain frame types or classes --or Cybertronians in general-- might have physically type-specific processor structures which allow for greater diversity of thought, and if some frame types or spark types might be more or less likely to have or develop neurodivergent traits

We know the Quintessons fucked with the Well of All Sparks in the Aligned Continuity which had unknown effects, and in IDW 1 given the spark as the core of a person's individual spirit (for lack of any better phrasing), it would make sense for Cybertronian sparks to imbue individual personality etc. while the processors are physical hardware with software flexibility to permit and adapt to those unique aspects of self

For example, in the continuities where spark development influences protoform development and therefore what type of frame a bot might ultimately have, it is still simultaneously possible to alter a frame to some degree with armour changes, mass manipulation, etc. (and in most continuities, alt-modes can be altered as well, to at least some degree within the range of someone's core specs)

But the processor and spark are the two things that generally (although we have seen some exceptions to this) cannot be physically altered without incurring significant damage-- Making them some of the few constant components in a species designed to physically change

Sparks have significant individual variation in terms of the personality etc. that evolves from each unique spark, so perhaps processors have some physical elements designed to best accommodate a certain frame type, while also allowing for individual experiences and perception etc. to form unique thought pathways for each individual -- This would allow for any Quintesson or Functionism-related frame alterations or requirements, while also still enabling a spark to produce a unique person as it forms and as experiences accumulate

Sort of like genetics vs epigenetics in human beings; Some things are physical and structural, but some things are informed by environment, experience, etc.

It's interesting that we do seem to see a lot of mini-bots specifically who might fall into a neurodivergent category or exhibit behaviours or thought process that might reasonably fall under the category, but of course it's not universal so there is still greater variation

Although characterisation varies from series to series, here's a couple examples:

Cliffjumper tends to have impulse control problems that are sometimes similar to ADHD impulse control problems, and he sometimes has difficulty prioritising or hyperfixates on one aspect of a situation, leading him to reach the wrong conclusion or focusing on the slightly wrong thing; He also struggles to manage frustration. This could all be related to something similar to executive dysfunction, as it commonly manifests in humans with ADHD.

Bumblebee seems to be conflict-avoidant to some degree in most continuities, and aside from that being part of his friendly nature and kind disposition, it might also hint at something similar to rejection sensitive dysphoria, or a greater sensitivity and emotional response to perceived interpersonal conflict or perceived failure. Some versions of Bumblebee have particularly struggled when faced with high stakes/high risk of failure scenarios, and he has a tendency to internalise blame, directing it towards himself even when a failure is not necessarily his fault or even truly a failed mission. This is often comorbid with Autism and ADHD in humans, but it can also exist on its own.

It's not just mini-bots; Misfire canonically has ADHD in IDW 1, Geomotus in IDW 2 is Autistic and his neurodivergency is even highlighted by other characters, and so on.

So all of this (and how it might work) varies from continuity to continuity, but I just like thinking about how neurodivergent bots do exist, and how that happens and how it manifests and how it is perceived by others and by society at large is interesting

In IDW 2, neurodivergency seems to be viewed in a more understanding and positive light. But in IDW 1, neurodivergency may be viewed in a more ableist way under the Functionist system, and in the Aligned Continuity, perhaps neurodivergency is seen as a potential indication of Quintesson alteration of the Well or of the individual themselves (this would depend on a bot's age).

We don't have too many details on Cybertronian medicine in general, but it's interesting to think about!

It's 8 AM I'm gonna go have a tea now lol

[seeyouonsaturn]

Making myself a lil intro post to pin

Hello everyone! My name's Two (short for 217), though I'm apparently going by Saturn on this blog, which is also fine! I'm in my mid-20s, agender (they/them) and I really love cats.

I was obsessed with TFA (and Prowl, my first love) when I was 13, fell out of the fandom for a long time, and now I'm back! My husband is still beautiful as ever. He's literally shaped me as a person.

I'm getting into other Transformers media now, but I'm still new! So far I've seen Transformers One (4 times. my beloved), TFP, and I'm almost done with Cyberverse.

I'm a selfshipper and OC enthusiast. I don't care much for canon/canon ships, I LOVE making OCs and throwing them at characters I like instead. OC creation is my favorite ever thing to do so expect to see my little guys. And they are kissing my blorbos. Because I'm having fun 🧡

I'm a romantic at heart and am kissing my blorbos daily. But that said, I'm a sucker for angst and exploring dark themes, and will happily inflict pain and suffering upon characters I love and also any observer that gets attached to them <3 sorry not sorry. I am feral for dooming the narratives!

I'll list my favorite characters and OCs under the cut because I have can't-shut-up-disease and autism-fueled insanity so there's a LOT! Asks about either are always very very welcome and I will love you forever.

Lastly, this is a harassment-free zone, we are all friends here! Please take your hate and bad vibes elsewhere, if you want to police how people enjoy things, this is not the place for you. Yes, this means you, antis. Go away.

Selfships/Most Beloved Blorbos

Prowl 🧡 | TFA | the one the only, my beloved husband of 13 years and going strong. Nothing and nobody could ever dethrone him from his top spot he's so special to me. The only s/i from any fandom ever who I'm genuinely not fully comfortable sharing (it's new to me too. Sorry I'm weird about him). We are legally married. Nothing bad has ever happened to him.

D-16 | TF1 | my sweet boy my precious beloved I could have fixed him. He's my little guy. I love him. I want to hold him gently. I selfship with him but I also ship him with Orion I don't care. There are infinite universes and he has two hands in all of them. Well, most of them. He deserves to be loved.

Whirl | I just found out about him and I am obsessed it was hyperfixation at first sight I need him so bad. I've always been weak for a bastard with a fucked up backstory, not to mention those long digitigrade legs are peak character design. Whirl I would do anything for you. 🚁

Honorable mentions

My favorite guys who didn't get their own blurb but they are still very dear to me. Including but not limited to:

Optimus Prime 🖤 [mainly TFP but tbh any] | Ratchet 🖤 [any] i'm an old man enjoyer | Smokescreen 🖤 [TFP] he's like a son to me | Knockout [TFP] | Wreck-Gar [TFA] | Starscream [any but TFP Star is a freak (affectionate)] | Cliffjumper [any] he's like a hamster to me | Sentinel Prime [TF1] mmm bastard

OCs

Please witness my beautiful children

PHANTOM-2918-4/Phantom/Bird | mainly TFA, has a TF1 version | decepticon-turned-autobot | shipped with Prowl | #oc: the courage of stars

Ash Majors | TFA | autobot-aligned human/techno-organic | also shipped with Prowl (long story) | #oc: just to be quiet

Skyline | TF1 | new high guard, then decepticon | shipped with D-16 | #oc: summer silence

Trixie | TF1, has a TFA version | unaligned alien creature | shipped with Sentinel | #oc: i'll be your animal

Wildside | TFA | neutral bot | shipped with Wreck-Gar | #oc: living on the wild side

Havoc | IDW/MTMTE | autobot | shipped with Whirl | #oc: step a little bolder

Bluescreen | TFA | decepticon | shipped with Lugnut (one-sided, pathetic) | no tag yet

Livewire | TFA, maybe TFP | autobot | shipped with Ratchet, best friends with TFA Longarm (what a nice guy!) | #oc: like a pulse

Razormane | TFP | predacon/nemean lion | shipped with Starscream | no tag yet

Leo Monti | TFP | autobot-aligned human | shipped with Smokescreen | #oc: next up forever

/Galatea | TFA or TFP | human-made bot/AI | TFA shipless, TFP shipped with Knockout but in the most angst-filled way possible <3 | no tag yet

/Briar | TFP | autobot-aligned human | shipped with Optimus (eventually) and Ratchet (even later) | no tag yet

/Joanna | initially autobot-aligned human, then M.E.C.H., then decepticon/techno-organic | Briar's best friend. Not officially shipped with anyone, but Megatron/Joe is too funny a concept to pass up. It would never realistically happen. Doesn't stop me though. | no tag yet

/not actively in use/lost attachment but I'm not deleting anyone

ship name list

☆

Background Characters

named background characters for some of my OCs' backstories. They all have their own info and I would be delighted to talk about them too!!

The New High Guard | Skyline's team | members: Comet; Crasher; Trickshot; Tripwire; Freefall; Whiplash | #iacon's finest | nhg

Leo's Family | Cousin Millie [besties with Dreadwing]; Aunt Gina [concerned about her children]

Alexander Spanos | father/creator of Galatea

Other tags

#two talks | general tag for my posts

#two draws | art tag

#two's ocs | oc tag

#answered asks | self-explanatory

#oc ask game | ask game related stuff

#ask game reblogs | just the games <3

[depressedraisin]

Parklife (1994) and Tranquility Base Hotel and Casino (2018): What does it mean to be an album of the times?

At face value Blur’s third studio album Parklife, released in 1994, and Arctic Monkeys’ 2018 release Tranquility Base Hotel and Casino, their sixth, are very very very different albums. One the Britpop classic, the other a widely divisive experimentation -- they don’t even seem like they could hang out in the same sentence together. Then what the fuck am I on about?

Both albums are individually iconic in the respective band’s discographies -- with Parklife Blur conquered the heights of the Britpop war and firmly cemented its place in British music history while TBH&C marked a pivotal turn in style for the Monkeys, which in my very humble non-musician opinion, will make it historic sometime in the future. If you have spent as much time as I have overthinking the lyrics and pondering over interviews of another British rock band you are hyperfixating on though, you might see something more connecting these two albums. Written about 20 years away from each other, in wildly different times,  the two weirdly enough, have these faint threads tying in their themes and subject matters. 

Damon Albarn, the principal author of Parklife, described the album to NME as, “a loosely linked concept album involving all these different stories. It's the travels of the mystical lager-eater, seeing what's going on in the world and commenting on it."  Rings a bell? That’s extremely TBH&C coded! That one has often been called a concept album based on a luxury hotel and casino on the moon with various eccentric characters and their stories, wryly commenting on issues plaguing life in the 2010s. 

Parklife was a kind of a study of middle class English life of the mid-90s. With an extremely catchy pop soundscape and cheeky-cockney-laced lyrics about London parks and bank holidays, it became a quintessential symbol of Cool Britannia. They say the album never took off in the States because it was so British. In the years since, however, the band has described it more as sarcastic critique rather than a celebration of Britishness. Going through the lyrics with a fine toothed comb  with that in mind then, you can feel the impatience a bunch of 20s somethings were feeling with the ideal 9-to-5 picket fence lifestyle as well as exhaustion with the hedonistic decadence of youth in the backdrop of an unpopular Conservative-led economy in decline. A similar, if updated for 30 year olds in 2018, sentiment can be sensed in the absurd surrealism of the lyrics of  TBH&C. What do you do when you are fed up with tribulations of life and the ghosts of mistakes you’ve made along the way-- you fuck off and escape into whimsy of science fiction. 

The political context of the time when Parklife and Tranquility Base were released does matter. Opens up another perspective to reading the album.  It’s quite a stretch but bear with me.  

 The 90s in the UK began with Thatcher resigning and the Conservative government which dominated the 80s, becoming increasingly unpopular. There was a recession plaguing the early years of the decade. Britpop happened smack dab in the middle of this, and it was all about reacting to grunge and shoegaze and bringing back what is essentially British back to its music scene. Oasis, Suede, Pulp, Elastica (Justine Frischmann is the queen of Britpop btw) -- and ofcourse, Blur, were reviving guitar pop, singing in working class accents and about working class life and bringing back memories of the Swinging Sixties. Though each drawing from a wide variety of influences, these bands were becoming the face of a wider movement in music, art and youth culture.  The political scene took note.

In the mid-90s, the Labour Party led by Tony Blair quickly aligned itself with Britpop and Cool Britannia. Noel Gallagher and Damon Albarn were being courted by politicians , label execs getting party membership invites, headlines went like “What’s the Story? Don’t vote Tory”. Britpop soon acquired nationalist undertones --- never forget Brett Anderson showing off his twinky waist with Union Jack in the background and “Yanks go home!” headline. 

By the end of the 90s, when Britpop had begun crumbling, the economy had recovered and Tony Blair was in Downing Street.

TBH&C and the Monkeys in general, perhaps have less political currency. When they burst onto the scene with their Sheffield accents and garage rock riffs in the generally stable pre-2008 economic climate, the Arctic Monkeys did occupy the space in British pop culture left vacant by Blur and Oasis in the wake of post Britpop, at least for a time. Their debut broke the record of being the fastest selling one, which used to be held by Elastica previously. The Monkeys were indie rock darlings in the UK and with 2013’s AM, became darlings in the US (and Tumblr) as well. Tranquility Base though, came out in a whole different world. 

2018 was a fucking atrocious time, to put it mildly. The world was in total freefall inching rapidly towards disaster, which ultimately culminated in the pandemic of 2020. Trump had been elected in 2016 and 2018 was arguably one of the peaks of his shitshow. Over in the UK, Theresa May and her Conservative Cabinet were deep in the quagmire of Brexit negotiations. (Gotta note that Turner has said he voted against leaving in the referendum. Albarn is of course, a very vocal critic of Brexit.) Right wing governments were coming into power everywhere it seemed like, the climate crisis took on a new sense of alarm among the larger public - and things only spiralled in the years following. I can’t think of another album which could accurately capture the sheer fatigue of seeing outrageous headline after headline, how desensitised we had all become, how disillusioned with life- in a mason jar like TBH&C has.   

That’s what makes an album legendary doesn’t it? You listen to it and immediately remember what living at the time was like. Even if 1994 was 10 years before I was born. 

Now that we have gotten that out of the way, let’s look at the two albums a little more closely. 

Some lyrics which give me very similar vibes: 

sexual hedonism // start treatment (tbh&c) and girls & boys (parklife)

mundanity of relationships // four stars out of five (tbh&c) and end of century (parklife)

the performativeness of middle class activism/social work // tranquility base hotel and casino (tbh&c) and parklife (parklife)

losing friends and losing touch // the ultracheese (tbh&c) and badhead (parklife) - now these aren't really similar, but i feel a connection. in my bones trust me bro. the whole "i'll grin and bear with it" thing about badhead is very reminiscient of the sense of insouciance about life that haunts tbh&c....almost??

the myth of america // the ultracheese (tbh&c), golden trunks (tbh&) and magic america (parklife) - magic america is making fun of reagan era the american dream while a disillusionment with the glitz and glam of life in la is pretty much consistent throughout tbh&c

a pathological dependence on technology as escapism // jubilee (parklife) and start treatment (tbh&c) - digital cameras and the internet and tvs were taking baby steps into invading our daily lives back in 1994, and by 2018 we were all fully under the vice grip of tech addiction. this parallel i find particularly funny so.

astronomical references // far out (parklife) and star treatment (tbh&c) - alex james, the blur bassist wrote and sung far out about his love of space. it's a pretty nice parallel hey.

For the last one, let's talk about Tracy Jacks from parklife. I couldn't really draw a direct parallel with a song from the other album, but that song spiritually fits right in I feel. An average Joe in the throes of a midlife crisis, teethering so so close to the edge and one day just snaps - that's a character one would expect dwells in the lounge of the Tranquility Base Hotel to drown themselves in the decadence and escape from all their shit, when all is said and done.

Now what's the concluding point of all this rambling. I don't know lolz. Y'all just read a thousand words of nothing.

Just kidding. Actually I read somewhere Damon Albarn was inspired by the 1989 novel London Fields, a science-fiction adjacent black comedy set against the backdrop of an impending nuclear crisis, while writing Parklife. That kinda rung a bell. (Yes, I did wonder if Alex has read this)

I just wanted to see if we can find any interesting connections parrallels or references between Parklife and Tranquility Base Hotel and Casino. I dunno if I've been successful in getting any point across, or it's just pointless waffling on. But one thing that did get confirmed to me once again, these two albums are really the Albums of Their Times. Captures the zeitgeist in such a specific but unique in their own ways, it's really wonderful.

And also studying the legacy and impact of AM with reference to other musical outfits is always fun. I think we can all safely say that AM is well on their way to capturing a seat in the pantheon of great British bands, where somewhere in a corner Blur also sits. Damon Albarn is a fucking legend of course -- from the pretty posh boy of Britpop he has gone to becoming one of the most versatile, experimental and prolific songwriter/composer in the contemporary music scene. He is apparently working on the music for an Goethe's fragmented libretto of Magic Flute Part 2. How many rockstars do you know have composed operas - how fucking dope. I wanna hope that we'll get to see Alex exploring crazy paths in music like this, he definitely has the potential. This whole exercise would probably have made more sense with one of Damon's post-Blur works, his first solo record Everyday Robots or even Blur's last album The Magic Whip, but I started this essay so had to finish it.

Maybe another day eh.

[springtrappd]

thoughts on dsaf?

oooooooooooo i hope you're ready, because could talk about this for a while

it's a difficult series for me to articulate my thoughts about, despite having hyperfixated on it for a good few months of 2022, because... well, it's dsaf. it's the funny haha meme game that also features body horror so disturbing i feel uncomfortable even talking about the phone guys without giving a fair warning. they're visual novels made in fucking rpgmaker that use and abuse their medium to the fullest, packed to the brim with countless jokes that only get funny the more you think about them. it accidentally landed on several ideas similar to those later in the franchise and executes them in a way that is uniquely itself. it's also got several outright racist jokes and phrases in it, relies heavily on memes & pop culture references that were dated when it came out, and is incredibly nsfw -- all things that make it tough to talk about, and very tough to recommend.

it's easy for me, a white australian, to accept these flaws and move past them, but it makes it an inherently hostile experience for anyone who doesn't have the privilege of being actually affected by that shit. it doesn't impact me directly when a fangame slips in a joke about crime rates in america, but to an african-american person that's a big slap in the face! and that sucks, and i think it's very important to acknowledge that even as -- and especially when -- we praise the series for what it does right. liking dsaf doesn't make you a bad person, nor does it make you inherently racist, but dsaf is racist, and it's only in acknowledging that fact that we can learn from & avoid the same fate ourselves. this is something that will always hang over the series, and it should.

in terms of things it does right, though? as i've said before, a lot of the (non-racist, which is the majority of) jokes are really fucking good. i've been meaning to do a replay so i can collect the best of them, because god are there so many gems in there. i think one of my favourite moments playing blind was the one when i realised that jack always exits buildings by climbing out the window rather than just... use the door. it's got a lot of subtle jokes like that that're my exact sense of humour, and it's when it's doing shit like that that it's at its best.

it's also shockingly mature for what began as a satire of the fnaf fandom from 2014-2016, and the ways it remixed the main series' concepts & themes rewrote my fucking brain chemistry. using "he always comes back" to represent how someone (jack) will always be there to care about those lost? actually genius, i think about it so much when it comes to (c/f)anon's take on michael. everything about the phone guys is horrifying and i love it, i love the way it's set up and 2's slow-building wrongness and the storytime about the originals you get in 3. it's such biting corporate satire and i love it, fantastic take on it 10/10 no notes. henry is terrifying, like actually his voice is so uncomfortable to listen to and the way his scenes are lit doesn't help -- just a really good ultimate villain/antagonist, and a good contrast to dave's wacky cartoon antics. i like how it's implied that the reason the dsafverse is so fucked is because he broke it (reality) back in the 50s. it's neat!

there is so, so much love put into these games it's unreal. have i mentioned that they're fucking visual novels made in rpgmaker? because they're visual novels made in rpgmaker. there are TWENTY-THREE ENDINGS in dsaf2 alone, with two "main" routes that both feature some of the best writing i've seen in a fnaf fanwork ever. phone guy's takedown of jack in the evil route is more scathing than the novels have ever dared to be, and does much more to convey the depths of the depravity that's occurred here because of it. i've had a post about how the game uses colours to convey character alignment fermenting in the back of my brain ever since i started 3, and primary barrier to me doing that is just how much shit is in these things! and, well... it's dsaf -- not only does it feel kinda weird to take seriously, it's also a fanbase i kinda want ten feet away from me at all times?

no offence to you guys, it's just not my scene, lmao. the aforementioned memespam and edgelord attitude combine to make a fanbase that skews young and immature, and a result the atmosphere is... kinda insufferable! general fnafdom is also bad, don't get me wrong, but at least you can filter out most of the twelvies by using big enough words. while i do appreciate davesport and think it's great, i'm not a guy who's into stuff for ships, and i like these games for......... all the reasons mentioned above, which just happen to include davesport, not because of it, ykwim? instead i'm the kinda guy who had dave's "you were lost, but now you have been found" line from 3 haunt him for over a year before it finally hit me that it was a fucking bible quote. to quote myself at the time:

in conclusion,

[my-autism-adhd-blog]

Do my symptoms align with autism?

I’ve been looking into whether I might be autistic recently. I’m not self-diagnosing. I just suspect I might have autism, and I wanted to put this here to see what other people think.

Reasons why I think I am:

1. Stimming

This is definitely the main one. I think I stim way more than a neurotypical would, even when I was a kid. I pace, I walk in circles, I spin around over and over and over and over again and I don’t really get dizzy. I especially like to listen to music while doing this.

Before spinning in circles, I used to pace around in circles with my hands clenched together. It sort of helped me focus and think and daydream.

I do the spinning thing multiple times a day, and if I’m forced to go a few days without it, I get antsy and a little frustrated. (When I spin, I do it on the hardwood floor, keeping my balance by placing my hands on the back of the couch, and doing it on carpet is a lot harder. This is my favorite “type” of stim, so if I’m on a vacation where we’re at a hotel without hardwood floors, that’s why I can’t do it sometimes. But then I will anyway on carpet because I just have to.)

I do tend to rock when I’m by myself — or, swaying is more like it, but yeah, rocking too. I’ll sway a bit more than I will rock.

I’m literally pacing in circles as I type this out lol.

2. Hyperfixations/special interests

(Are those the same thing, or two different things? Please correct me if they’re classified as different things.)

I have what I’d call special interests — gender, Amphibia, Dork Diaries. I look up genders and try to learn as much about them as possible, everyday.

For Amphibia and Dork Diaries, I usually just read fanfic or write my own. The other thing I do a lot is daydreaming, though, and those are the top 2 things I daydream about. I’m constantly in my head, and I’m usually daydreaming in the back of my mind, like, all day. (About those two things.)

The thing about my hyperfixations are that I don’t talk to other people about them. (I don’t like talking in general, really.) I just keep them to myself and learn about them/daydream about them by myself. I never felt a need to share and I don’t infodump on people.

3. Fidgeting

I’m not sure if this is the same as stimming, but I’m separating these two.

Usually when I’m sitting still, I’m fidgeting. I’ll be tapping my pencil or foot 90% of the time. I do it a lot, and I don’t even notice sometimes when I do.

I don’t know where to put this either, but I also bite my nails. I don’t just bite them either, I pick them off. It calms me down and helps me relax or gives me something to do when I’m nervous or just plain bored. (I’m well aware this isn’t healthy, please don’t attack me in the comments section.)

4. Procrastination (executive dysfunction?)

I know lots of people procrastinate, but I think what I experience lines up more with executive dysfunction. (Which I’ve learned is also a trait of ADHD, so I don’t know if I have that instead.)

It’s so so hard to focus on a school task or something that’s boring. Or even something that’s exciting, like writing on a fanfic or book, I procrastinate on so much. I set plans to do things but I don’t get them done. Even when it’s something stupidly easy to do, sometimes I just don’t do it. And when it’s hard, when I don’t even know where to start, it’s nearly impossible to start. (I usually force myself to get it done anyway, with big projects, but with smaller things and little homework assignments, I don’t always do. Then I kick myself for it later.)

5. Routine

I eat the same food every day for lunch, at school. (Uncrustables sandwich, yogurt, applesauce, and/or yogurt with m&m toppings I can put it in.) At home, I eat different foods for lunch — I make my own cheese burrito when we have soft shell tacos and shredded cheese. If that isn’t available, I make cheese sandwiches. If that isn’t available, sometimes I remember other things that are quick and easy to make for lunch — like pizza rolls. And if I don’t have that either, sometimes I’ll just skip lunch entirely. Or eat a small snack that doesn’t require effort to make whatsoever, but it’s usually not enough to qualify for “lunch”.

I don’t wear the same clothes everyday, but I never go shopping. I could wear the same clothes for years and be fine with it (as long as I’ve not outgrown them). The only time I get new clothes is when I see a shirt I really like. Which is usually Stitch (Lilo and Stitch, anyone?)

It’s really hard to break routine.

So there’s this thing at my school, where you can tutor/help out at an elementary school for service hours, and eventually get a scholarship to a 2-year college. The scholarship thing is major.

It took me months just to email the teacher and ask when I could come in. I’m probably severely behind on my volunteer hours. And the stupid thing is, now it’s not even hard. I just went on the first day, and it was established that I would do it every day, so there wasn’t a way I could back out anyway. And now I go and it’s no problem. It’s so stupid.

6. Social Situations

I might have social anxiety, I don’t know. I get anxious at the thought of new situations, having to meet new people, etc. I heavily dislike talking to people I don’t know. It’s why I prefer not to talk to the cashier at McDonald’s, or rehearse what I’m going to say at the restaurant.

When people ask, “Hi, how are you?”, I answer “Good, how are you?” They say something back, maybe mention a tiny bit of what’s going on in their lives, and then it’s over. For that, I have a pre-recorded answer. For other situations, as I’ll mention later, I’m actually mostly comfortable.

I speak pretty softly, and sometimes I have to force myself to a louder volume.

7. I prefer to do things on my own

I’m independent in a lot of ways, unless I need help. (And, um, not financially independent or anything, I still live with my parents.) And even when I need help, like with homework, it’s hard to let other people help me sometimes. I prefer doing things on my own.

Reasons why I think I’m not:

1. I’m fine at social interaction.

I usually pick up on social cues, and communication has never been much of an issue for me. (Sometimes I will sort of freeze up or trail off when talking, and suddenly my brain won’t make my mouth say things. Aside from that, I communicate well.) I understand that bad social interaction was a pretty big indicator of autism, but I’m not bad at it, really.

Actually, the one difference from this is that I do have pretty bad eye contact. I try to look at people’s eyes when talking because it’s polite, but then I look away, and then I look back, and then I look away, and I don’t know how long I’m supposed to maintain eye contact before looking away again. I don’t like it.

I am deaf, and I wear Cochlear Implants for me to hear. My social interaction is affected by this, as noisy situations are notoriously difficult for me to hear in. I’m asking “What?” multiple times a day lol. Sometimes I can’t hear a word the other kid is saying in school, and I just smile and nod because that’s all I can do, because it’s just too noisy. (I’m throwing this out here in case it’s something you might need to take into consideration, but it is completely unrelated to any potential autism.)

2. I don’t have hypersensitivity (I don’t think so)

Loud sounds don’t really bother me, nor do bright lights, or textures, or certain flavors or whatever. I eat the same thing a lot because of routine, not because of uncomfortable flavors or food textures. I think there have been times when everything was just a little too much. Then I usually find the nearest bathroom to calm myself down in. I don’t know if this is overstimulation or not, tho. Or if it’s specific to neurodivergency, or just me being an introvert and getting overwhelmed by people. And it’s not that often at all.

3. Very little aggression

I know that like a lot of things, autism is a spectrum. One of the symptoms is aggression, and I have very little of that. Usually when I’m frustrated with homework and my mom’s trying to help, I’ll get snappish with her (and then apologize later, because she wasn’t doing anything wrong and only trying to help).

Sometimes I do feel really mad, but I just grit my teeth and deal with it internally instead of lashing out. Like arguing in my head until I’ve calmed down and moved on.

4. Meltdowns/Shutdowns

I’m fairly sure I don’t have either of these. I think that’s also a major autism thing, one that I don’t have.

Things That I Can’t Put Into a Category Because I Don’t Know Whether It’s Indicative of Autism or Literally Just a Me Thing:

• Repeating words and phrases: I don’t do that out loud, but I will in my head

• Vocal stims: I very rarely do these, and if I do hum or make a noise, it’s usually entirely involuntary, usually because I was excited. I don’t mean to

• Repeating words: I very rarely do that also, but it has happened before. (It happened today once, when we were playing a game. Nothing came of it, it wasn’t weird, I just repeated a word my mom said — I can’t remember what it was, not a bad one though)

• Facial expression: I don’t think I have a blank-face that many autistic people do. I’m often smiling when I’m happy, or laughing at things that are funny. (Which aren’t even that funny to other people. Sarcasm makes me laugh a lot. I laugh a lot more easily than other people do.) I feel like occasionally it is hard to force myself into a facial expression if I’m not feeling that way

• Unusual posture: I literally just looked this up. I’m basically running through all of the autism symptoms and explaining mine, and this is one of them. I think I might have unusual posture. One of the things is shifting all your weight into one leg, and that’s something I definitely do, especially when I have to stand still. (And whenever I have to stand really still, and I’m not putting all weight into one leg, sometimes my knees will lock, and it’ll make me light-headed. I almost passed out one time from doing that. Never again.) I don’t really know if my posture is unusual aside from that. It might be and I just never noticed. Or it might not. I don’t know.

• Clumsiness: I never considered myself clumsy, but my brother has told me that he thinks I am. (Considering he’s my younger brother and says a lot of stuff to annoy me, take this with a grain of salt.)

• Oh, speaking of: metaphors. I think for the most part I understand them. Like grain of salt. And if I don’t, then I look it up.

• Sarcasm: kind of hit or miss with me. Sometimes I think my brain knows the other person is being sarcastic, because there’s just no way they’re serious about what they just said. But my brain makes me treat it like they are being serious, especially if their tone sounds serious. It’s hard to tell sometimes. But when I do get sarcasm, when their tone sounds obviously sarcastic, then usually it’s funny and makes me laugh

• I don’t like being away from home for a long time. Even a week gets me extremely homesick, and it feels like it’s getting worse as I get older. Maybe because I know I’ll have to move out eventually, or move away to college. Moving away for college, or moving out and far away, TERRIFIES me. This may not be an autistic thing, but I don’t know, so I put it here. Maybe it’s because my routine and my whole life would be upended. I don’t know.

• Speaking in monotone: Much like my facial expressions, I feel like I speak pretty “normally”. I don’t have a monotone voice usually. (I feel like sometimes I do, though? Not often)

• Putting pressure on the front of your feet: Apparently that’s a thing. I don’t think I do that. I don’t think I’ve done that in the past

• Decision-making: Related to the executive dysfunction thing. I think I put off big decisions. (I‘ve only somewhat-but-not-really decided which college I’m going to. And I might change my mind.)

• Sometimes when I try to joke, people think I’m being rude. I don’t know if that’s a tone issue on my part, or if the joke is in poor taste or seems more mean than just a joke (when I only ever intended for it to be a joke). Also for clarification, none of my jokes are ever racist or homophobic or anything, and I never try to be mean when I joke

• Special object: I don’t think I have one, unless you consider my phone. I don’t go anywhere without it lol. But like little things to fidget with, that bring me comfort, I don’t really have that. I just fidget with my hands, I guess.

• Verbal Instructions: Those are really hard for me to follow. If I only have verbal instructions and not readable ones, you can bet it’s a lot harder to get the thing done. I usually need a lot of clarification or things repeated to me, although that’s partially due to deafness. (I don’t think entirely, though.)

Other things about me that may or may not be relevant/important for you to know:

- I am aroace (no sexual or romantic attraction for anyone)

- I think I’m aplatonic too, and mostly anattractional (or grey-attractional, if that’s a thing). Online friends are easier for me than irl friends. I don’t even know what qualifies as a friendship

- I’m deaf (but I already explained that). I do hear with my Cochlear Implants, but I know it’s not that exact same as hearing people. I don’t know if that’s why I’m not as hypersensitive to loud sounds, or if I’m just not hypersensitive at all. (I don’t think this is something you could help clarify, though, seeing as it’s specific to me.)

I have taken a few autism tests and gotten answers like “you have moderate autism symptoms” or even “high symptoms” sometimes. For ADHD, the test answers ranged from “No” to “Potentially” to “Moderate ADHD”. (Don’t worry, I know that the tests aren’t meant to be substituted for the real thing. I just took them to try and see where I fit, if there were any indicators, etc.)

I am planning to talk to my mom soon and see if it’s possible for me to get a diagnosis. Things aren’t too hard for me right now, but I am getting older and I genuinely don’t know how I’m going to live on my own — which isn’t entirely related to this, but I feel like if I need help, I should get diagnosed as soon as possible. (If I have it at all.)

Basically, my reason for posting this was to get a second opinion, especially from people who are autistic themselves. Does this sound like autism or ADHD or something else entirely? (Is it possible to have both that have symptoms that cancel each other out?) Am I just neurotypical, but like, weird?

I want to be clear, I know you can’t diagnose me and I should see a professional. I just wanted a second opinion, in case it’s just me overthinking everything.

Also, I’m so sorry for this being so long. It’s probably a pain to read. I’m just trying to be as specific as possible.

Hi there,

I’m sorry I’m just getting to this. My goodness this was a long inbox! Lol.

This was very thorough and detailed, so it was nice to read. Nice formatting too.

I would say some traits align. But like you said, I’m not a professional. So I can’t really say. I’m curious about what my followers think too. Hopefully some chime in.

I would recommend writing what you told me here down to bring with you during an assessment, if you have one. This will be very helpful when determining a diagnosis. As it’s very detailed and thorough.

Hopefully this helps. Thank you for the inbox. I hope you have a wonderful day/night. ♥️

[strangerthanfictive]

Recognizing You Have a Fictitious Identity

An Informal Discussion Between 2 Fictive Headmates Key - Sorrel - Sorrel Accent Text - Aster - Aster Accent Text Why am I me? Why did the brain choose him out of countless other characters to make a pitiful clone of? That was the first mystery I had to solve; the homework the doc gave me. And I know it was for the best that things move fast, yeah? A head-start before I get a chance to start to feel things about this "life," these "memories" I have that are just fabrications of a broken mind. But then I also needed to recall those memories of this person that I really am (but feel like I'm suddenly inhabiting) to figure it out in the first place. I remember thinking; how in the hell am I going to go about this? Rewatch the show, and take notes whenever I feel like something aligns with our trauma? Is the doc expecting me to, like, draw up a venn diagram and bring it next week? Do I just think about the two of me—of body and fiction—and the answer will just come to me? Honestly, I didn't even think about that question for months. I asked myself why I was here moreso in the sense that I was stuck in someone else's body and needed to find a way to get home so that they could get their body back and I could get back to my family. It took me nearly a year to actually realize that we're all part of the same whole; that I took on this identity and more importantly, that I could part with it should I want to. I remember that call with our therapist very vividly. I was seeing her—"my" mother—as in, hallucinating her corpse in places nearly nightly beyond just nightmares. Her body is never explicitly shown in the comics, and our imagination filled in the blanks. I had broken down crying, and I was telling our therapist; "I'm so tired. I don't want to be him anymore!" Without hesitation, she told me,

"You don't have to be."

...And I was gobsmacked. I was thinking, What do you mean? I have all of these memories and I've held onto them for 11 months! It cannot be that simple. Ironically, just as I had that thought, I realized...yes, yes it absolutely was that simple. I did not have to subject myself to someone else's trauma—let alone someone who isn't real—when, frankly, I have my own tonterías to deal with.

I had the privilege of being your successor, being the second fictive on the block, and you told me pretty much day 1 that I don't need to have any sort of connection or feeling about my source. That of course helped, but I think it was also easier on me with it being a show. I could just look up the actor and see yeah, he's got a whole other life and other roles. On top of that, by rewatching it, I'm seeing the stuff I remember as my memories from the perspective of an omniscient camera—how I'm supposed to in the first place, and not through a character's eyes. Being a fictive of live action media VS illustration...it's no contest on what's easier to shake yourself out of.

But still, that question just loomed over me. Why him? Obviously, the doc didn't tell me I had to completely figure it out in a week, but I do love a distraction from my own existential dread challenge. So I hyperfixated on unpacking every bit of trauma this sorry bloke had to see if there were any parallels for basically every bit of free time I had. I honestly don't remember how long it took; whether I got it done in the week. I just remember the moment it clicked for me. I find it so fascinating how she handled our cases in reverse. We didn't start to unpack the "why" of my source until after I had changed my name, appearance, and age.

That might be thanks to you, mate. You didn't know any better than to treat your "memories" as real off the bat.

That's a very good point. In the event that there are more fictives in our system going forward, they may reach a point of understanding fact from fiction even quicker than you. But I digress.

I don't think I ever asked myself, "Why him?" An answer came to me without me truly seeking one out. That answer certainly explained a lot about me, but nevertheless, it just didn't occur to me to question why I took on that form. Perhaps if I had done so, I may have spared myself a lot of pain, but there's no instruction manual on how to cope with waking up in a strange body and everything you know to be your life being a work of fiction.

Well, that's the point of writing out our talks, isn't it? We're not really qualified to write, like, a whole scientific book on OSDD or the ✨plural experience✨ but we can definitely have chats about how we specifically feel and how we got to a...semi-stable place. Worst case, our thoughts go to the void. Best case, it might reach someone interested in our stories. Our real stories. Not to, you know, be confused to the ones we spawned from, haha. So if anyone actually is reading this, hi! Glad you dropped by. Let us know if you have any questions about ourselves. I think we got the ask box set up proper with anon and everything.

I think that's all for our discussion tonight. Perhaps, if we want to cover the basic aspects of being a fictive, we should speak next on grief. I briefly touched on mine already, but you have a unique perspective, Sorrel, as you've met and befriended another fictive from your source. Getting right into the angst, are we? Perhaps. But you've proposed we discuss our recovery process on this blog, and coping with grief is a sizeable portion of that process. You're right. Not chuffed about it, but you're right. We can talk about it next. Until then, I look forward seeing what happens with this chat, if anything. Good talk, mate. Good talk.