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etheriadearie · 4 years ago

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Shadow Weaver’s Death, Her True Abusiveness, And Her Final, Beautiful, Gift To Catra

::The resistance fighters stand in the failsafe chamber. Catra has just called Shadow Weaver out on her manipulation. Shadow Weaver reluctantly explains the danger of the failsafe, and then implores Adora to take it: even if she fails, Shadow Weaver says, she will save her friends, and the universe. As literally every other person in that room cries out against Adora taking the risk, Adora turns and says she will do it. Catra, dismayed, runs to her telling her that Shadow Weaver is sacrificing her, and demands to know why she's letting her do that. Adora tells Catra "Because even if she is, it's better than Prime getting the Heart and destroying the universe." Catra trembles in deathly fear, her face consumed in terrible realization: if Adora does as SW wishes, she will die. Shadow Weaver is trying to kill Adora. She knows this to her very soul, because... she is Shadow Weaver... And Adora is letting it happen…

Hi there, my name is Joel, and in this segment I'll be looking at Shadow Weaver's death, her being a child abuser, her terrible manipulations of Catra and Adora and the monstrous pains the two girls have to conquer to save themselves from her.

The main premise I'll be trying to explain here is that, like Horde Prime, Shadow Weaver is a villain of utmost seriousness. And, like Horde Prime, the girls will treat her as one, surpassing and defeating her once and for all. But it won't be with violence, but instead with love, creating a beautiful story of two people transcending their trauma and hurt through coming together over their love for one another.

I feel obliged to warn readers: this post will cover child abuse, even predatation (*not sexual, ie). It may be hard to read. Also warning: tl;dr, please consider at least sitting down to read this!

Finally, I know there are Shadow Weaver fans out there; that's good. Shadow Weaver is, at times, cool af. But, definitively a terrible person within the plot of the show.

So, even if you're a fan of Shadow Weaver, I still encourage you to read along because as we reveal her truth and the damage she deals to Catra and Adora, it makes her final moment so, so much more beautiful… and it gives entirely new meaning to her final... two… words….

Disclaimer time: Taking on Shadow Weavers death is ambitious for a first post, I know. But understanding her is crucial to understanding most of the major moments in this show. Still, I should say here that while this may seem a bit ‘head’ canon-y, I assure you my conclusions come from watching the show carefully and referencing the entirety of the rest of the show back to this one moment. I'm instead positing these as theories, and let's just say I feel I have the data, and Data Never Lies! Please *do* ask questions or seek calcifications in the comments or Ask me anything (I'm new to Tumblr).

----Part 1: Catra, Micah, and the Truth----

To start this journey we will travel backwards in the series to investigate the what and why of the terrible child abuse Catra suffered growing up under Shadow Weaver's care. We will be looking chiefly at the Light Spinner episode in the 2nd season. We will cover Catra's confrontation and SW's -supposed- explanation for her abuse, then the tale of Micah and Shadow Weaver's manipulation of him, and then the terrible truth of why Catra -really- was abused.

>A terribly alone Catra asks her abusive mother why she did it. Why did she treat her so badly ?

Shadow Weaver answers: "Because you remind me of myself. You always have. Nothing was ever easy for me either. I wasn't born to power like Adora and... others. I had to earn my power, fight for it. Why should it be any different for you?"

This is a very typical reason for an abuser to feel they are acting out their abuse on others: no one in this world understands my pain, so therefore I will inflict my pain upon a child so that they will know my pain as well. For many people this is essentially the truth of their abusers. I can't see any other reason for MY abusers to do what they did, other than this. It is, however, not the truth about Catra. We will discuss this in detail later.

We then watch as Catra does a very strong and eloquent job of rejecting and condemning it. She shows great emotional pain as she does so, and we know that her trauma is severe from watching her. Catra exclaims, her face full of emotional hurt and pain at Shadow Weaver's betrayal: "I was a child when you took me in. What could I have possibly done to deserve the way you treated me? I am nothing like you. You are old, and bitter, and weak."

Everything she says is perfectly true. As a child, there is no way she could have deserved the abuse Shadow Weaver inflicted on her. There never is. And she's also right when she says she's not anything like Shadow Weaver. Where Shadow Weaver is an unfeeling monster (as we will see), Catra feels deeply. Catra is inherently good, and while she will make terrible mistakes to come, she feels intense remorse. Shadow Weaver simply does not.

So, Shadow Weaver gives Catra a believable reason for the abuse, which, again, is a lie. But... there is meaning which we need to take from her choice of words: Shadow Weaver feels others, like Adora and Micah, are given an unfair advantage over people like herself. We will come back to this important insight soon...

Before we get to the real, harsh truth of why Catra was abused, we need to understand the tale of Micah and ‘Light Spinner’-‘s manipulation of him to get power.

>The story of Micah seems to be full of whimsy and childlike innocence. A young boy is talented beyond his years, a true prodigy. SW trains him, giving him access to teachings beyond what a sorcerer of his age should have. She tells him he's special, a true talent, like her. When she tells him "the guild needs talents like OURS more than ever before" she manipulates him, making him feel apart, better than all the other students and teachers, and that only SW can understand. It's SW's greatest talent: dividing people against each other, and this is part of her lifelong manipulation of Catra and Adora. Note: Castaspella accuses SW of mind controlling Micah (s5e8) to which SW responds "My gifts were always far subtler than that” - SW controls young Micah through mind games.

>SW hints of something of great importance, but then says "you're not ready". Micah demands to know, he's a special boy after all, right? He's so incredibly naive and innocent, doing things like chewing on magic crystals and acting out in class. He is, in fact, exactly the kind of privileged child who SW so greatly hates. This is where we get real meaning out of SW's supposed explanation for abusing Catra: Micah has inborn power that SW feels he is unworthy of possessing...

She preys upon his naiveness, showing him the Horde army. He, of course, demands they be stopped, and he's playing right into her hands. When she tells him the plan and of the upcoming meeting she tells him "I only hope that Norwyn and his followers can see the threat as clearly as YOU do." Again, she is making him feel apart, as though he's better than others. After all, he's a special little prodigy, right ?

SW gives her presentation at the council, trying to prey upon their fear by saying that the Horde have a rune stone. As she speaks of the spell of obtainment, her eyes are full of lust at the idea of so much power. But it is forbidden, and for good reason. As she looks over her shoulder at Norwyn her look is severe, accusing. She has no respect for him. And he's right to say that the problem will be handled: the war, in fact, does become a stalemate and stays that way all the way up until we are first introduced to Catra and Adora. Angrily, greedily, she demands they get power so they can 'have a planet to protect'.

She fails to convince them, but of course Micah sees her leaving the meeting, angry and frustrated, so he comes to her aide. "They never listen to me. After all I've done I still haven't earned their trust". Again, SW is set apart from them. When she says "they just want to hold the rest of us back" she's including Micah, making him feel separate, better, like her. She's indoctrinating him in her plan.

>We get a scene between Catra and SW here, where Catra tries to get SW to give her a reason to save her. All SW wants to know is when she's being sent to Beast Island: she realizes she has to escape that night. She sets out to manipulate Catra into giving her the reagent she needs to escape. SW talks up how weak and powerless she is, preying on Catra's lingering pity, desire for connection. A emotionally desperate Catra unfortunately gives it to her. Catra tells her "you don't get to ask things of me anymore" but she's desperate and depressed, feeling totally alone after so recently seeing Adora and consequently nearly dying the episode before, only to be saved by Scorpia's caring about her.

>And apprehensive Micah asks SW if she's sure this is a good idea. She tells him "WE need this power, it's the only way to protect our people". It's a lie, but Micah thinks he's special because he's SW's apprentice, and so he agrees to do it.

As the spell begins to work, we see a terrifying eldritch horror type of creature summoned. It soon breaks free even as Micah helps SW try to contain it. SW acts surprised to see it, but she always knew this spell. Micah runs, and SW stays, yelling angrily at Micah for leaving. She experiences fear as it consumes her, but she knows it's part of getting her power. This is the price she pays to become powerful. She tells Micah he betrayed her by abandoning her and yet, what other possible outcome was there but for them BOTH to be destroyed or corrupted? Norwyn tries to stand up to her, telling her "bringing you into our ranks was a grave mistake". She counters calling him a fool. "You're all weak. None of you deserve my help".

I often see people say this show doesn't show death, but what happens next is undeniably so: it is murder. She annihilates two sorcerer's in one hit, consumes the head sorcerer to give her more magical power. It is pure evil. As she realizes her new power she exclaims "The spell worked. I am stronger than ALL of you." She menaces Micah.

This. Was. Always. The. Plan. The spell worked, she says so herself. Micah tries to defend himself weakly against her, he's entirely at her mercy. He expects death, but instead she caresses his cheek, touches his ear. Then she gives him a look of disdain. It's no mistake she covers half her face even at this point in her history, so we can't know her full emotions. But it's clear, she condescends to him: he was a naive little pawn, not meant to survive, or at minimum, he was supposed to become corrupted like her. But it doesn't matter. She got what she wanted. So she leaves him to live knowing what he's done. The tale of ‘Light Spinner’ has ended: her better persona was just an illusion, useful in her goal of obtaining more power. An empowered Shadow Weaver then shows up at the Fright Zone, killing the guard as a demonstration of power. She declares herself for Hordak, and at least a partial truth is apparent: she wanted the vampiric power so she could channel the Black Garnet. Changing sides bothers SW not at all.

I point out SW’s violence because it is the only time they show any graphic death in this show, and it's therefore meant to show that SW is different, and dangerous. There really was no ‘Light Spinner’, as at multiple moments during her time at Mystacor her true emotions show through (such as pic1, top) and they are both vile and malicious, to put it lightly. Furthermore, note that SW going to the Horde doesn't end up ensuring their victory over the princesses, so yes, in fact, SW was lying to Micah all along. Last, keep in mind Micah’s opinion of her later on: SW is never to be trusted.

Now it's time to get back to the real reason Catra was abused and it's important implications for Adora's abuse as well.

>The scene following Catra's confrontation with SW, we see baby Adora having just arrived in the Fright Zone. SW walks past her, not particularly interested... and yet she sees something in her. And so she takes interest. She knows, in some way, that Adora will wield powerful magic, and since it also becomes clear to us that SW knows all about the past history of She-ra and the Heart of Etheria, it's a logical jump to say she probably thinks Adora is She-ra. Either way, Adora is a powerful orphan child with inborn talent beyond any normal expectation.

Sound familiar? The tale of Micah is there to inform this moment: SW meeting baby Adora. She is in a position to wield ultimate control over a magically privileged child. And the implications are not good...

Apologies to readers here, this next part is intense. Just a quick warning. The total implication of this is that SW never loved Adora, just like she didn't care about Micah. It is all manipulation, and it should be noted that at this point SW has switched to a full mask, conveniently hiding all emotion except a sliver of her eyes (as well as hiding her corrupted features). It's now almost entirely impossible to accurately read her emotions. I don't think she wants you to, as she really has no feelings of actual compassion. She only sees Adora as a privileged child she will use and then discard for her own power.

This means she is, in fact, a child predator. In this case, she's a predator of children of privilege, but the effect is the same: she sees such children as easy targets for her to manipulate for her own gain. Worse, the strong emotional feelings which Adora naturally feels towards those around her makes her easier to control, and SW manipulates this vulnerability against her, as a child and then again as they are headed for the failsafe.

So, returning to the real truth of why SW abused Catra. Let's take a look back at Catra’s condemnation of SW's explanation for her abuse, and it's just one line we need to understand: "I was a child, what could I have possibly done to deserve the way you treated me?" As it turns out, Catra -did- do something, and you have to adore and appreciate this show because we don't get this answer until the very end. Before season 5 was available, it would simply be impossible to understand Catra's story fully. The creators want you to come full circle of so many understandings, the story is that deep.

It's that one, beautiful, follow on line when Catra confesses her love to Adora- She says "I always have"...

Adora was Shadow Weaver's tool, her next prey. So, along comes Catra, who experiences romantic love for Adora right from the start. Beautiful, total love and devotion. SW sees this, and she decides that she can't let Catra be a hindrance to her plans. And yet she knows she can't kill Catra outright or risk losing Adora's affection. So she hurts Catra, tries to make her weak, to diminish her. She is trying to crush Catra's spirit, her will to live, all while making sure to instill a sense of duty and ambition in Adora which makes her less available to Catra. The abuse works, but not on Catra. Catra stays loyal to Adora, and is so secretly strong within herself in such a way that SW fails to destroy her spirit, although Catra has such incredible trauma from it that we see her struggle with it throughout the rest of the series.

But the abuse does work on Adora and so she grows apart from Catra in such a way that Catra eventually comes to feel Adora doesn't love her. And when Adora so clearly breaks the final half of the promise she made to Catra, Catra too, grows apart from Adora.

Catra therefore represents a person in this story who would have been so entirely below SW's notice that had she not loved Adora the way she did, SW would never have taken the time to hurt her. It wouldn't have been worth her time, and Catra would have had a happy(ish) childhood if not for loving Adora. By the way, this truth of SW's abuse of Catra is indeed confirmed in the show, but we don't have time to cover it here and it deserves its own theory post, anyways.

Before we get back to s5 let's take a brief moment to address SW's abuse of Adora: Adora is the kind of person who can't help but empathetically feel the pain of others when they feel it, and it's what makes her to be so unable to balance her own needs against those of others who are hurting. And so SW making Adora have ambition, to want to win at the expense of others, is actually a frightening manipulation. SW teaches Adora to believe she has to do this in order to be the leader, and then as the leader she must protect everyone else from harm. Adora goes on to show great emotional confusion over this, as she doesn't really feel she’s qualified to be that leader. It makes her feel alone from everyone else, and makes Adora worry about every decision she makes. SW essentially saddles Adora with a lonely burden of leadership, one which she's not well suited for. Adora has a very ADHDish (I’m no expert on ADHD) response to this where she bounces around trying to satisfy everyone else’s feelings, such as within their unit, and so her relationship with Catra suffered because of this.

To sum up, the abuses SW inflicts on the two of them results in their division from each other, and it's a division which tries to tear down both girls spiritually throughout this series. They each have specific traumas relating to Shadow Weaver's abuse of them. These are different, damaging fears SW instilled in each of them to make them easier to control. Because of this, both girls contribute to their separation to the two different sides of the war, and it's only through the great emotional learning of each of them that they are able to start putting it back again in season 5. And so, we will see that when SW returns in season 5, she immediately tries to pick up where she left off… to drive them apart from each other and manipulate them, once again, for her own gain.

Side note #2 before we get back to season 5: SW has a complete and total lack of love for Catra as well. Her callous manipulation of Catra, followed by leaving the fright zone like she did, was a spiritual blow and then a death sentence for Catra. SW would know this and yet she simply did not care. Furthermore, when they meet in Moment of Truth (s3ep4), SW again tries to kill Catra, only stopping short because Glimmer can't withstand the magical drain SW is taking from her. She's just not good people... And if she has such a total lack of love or compassion for Catra, it's a logical jump that she has just as little love and feeling for Adora.

Anyways... let's work on that season 5, phew, I know this is long. We're not done yet, though...

----Part 2: The present up till SW’s Death----

Alright, so returning back to season 5 where we began...

Catra is certain that SW is killing Adora. And the reason Catra is so certain of this is because she understands this fundamental truth behind the childhood abuse of of her and Adora. She knows that SW intended to use Adora, and was grooming her in order to use her to gain more power. And, she knows the true nature of SW’s abuse of Catra herself, that it was meant to destroy her so she wouldn't get in the way of SW using Adora.

How exactly Catra knows this I won't cover here, it would take too long and it deserves its own theory post. But, it is pretty well confirmed in the show as well. No distractions! Moving on...

So… when Adora tells Catra she will take the failsafe even though SW is killing her, it's Catra’s knowledge that SW is for certain doing this to Adora which leads Catra to shake in fear, and then refuse Adora once she returns with the failsafe. This moment goes much deeper than just Catra knowing she can't live without Adora, although that is also true.

Ok so here it is, the big theme we will now delve into, that explains so much:

The all important, crucial thing that Catra isn't seeing is that in order for SW to sacrifice Adora, it is entirely dependent on abusive manipulations is SW doing to both of them, starting from the moment they first see SW in season 5, which are intended to make sure Adora doesn't survive deploying the failsafe.

I know it's a tough implication to accept, but I promise to explain. So why? Why would SW not want Adora to survive? This, atleast, should be obvious: She-ra could stop SW once she has the power, so She-ra is an enemy that SW needs to eliminate to achieve ultimate power. So, SW's goal is to get Adora to bring the failsafe to the heart, but then be too weak to survive the process... leaving SW the uncontested champion by her magical vampiric powers. And so... SW manipulates the two girls, doing her most familiar trick: driving them apart, making them feel isolated from each other.

Her manipulations begin from the very moment Catra and Adora see her in season 5, and they continue up until Adora accepts the failsafe and a bit beyond.

So let's lay this out from the beginning, shall we? Episode 10: When SW walks into the room, saying she knows where the failsafe is, Catra is at first surprised at her appearance, she's thrown off guard. Catra very much wanted to stop SW once and for all, but never got the chance. And now, the new, more feeling Catra is faced with her oldest enemy: she can't hide her hatred and anger at her. It pretty much takes everything she's got not to violently attack her right there and then. But this new Catra isn't going to sink to that low. And yet... SW will intentionally aggravate and attack Catra to reactivate her trauma.

What I find very interesting about that scene, though, is that both Glimmer and Adora immediately look to Catra, knowing she will be upset, both trying to help her. And yet, it's Glimmer who looks first.

Even though Glimmer never says it out loud, Glimmer knows SW played and manipulated Glimmer herself, and that her manipulations were ultimately the reason that Glimmer made the mistake of activating the Heart, which brought Horde Prime's fleet down upon Etheria. Glimmer also watched SW torture and almost kill Catra in s3ep4, so I think Glimmer knows very well how dangerous SW is and how badly she's hurt Catra in the past. Instead, we can take the story of Glimmer and SW as another stand out example of how, once again, we saw SW manipulate someone, Glimmer in this case, with no concern for her well being.

>Adora is also thrown off by SW's reappearance, she doesn't enjoy seeing her either. But then, she also sympathetically looks to Catra, knowing this is a hurtful moment for her. All of this is to say that Catra actually has strong allies against SW, unlike in the past. And it's very important that Adora is such a staunch ally to Catra against SW, in fact it's everything. But, Adora doesn't quite do a good enough job in showing Catra how strongly aligned she, too, is against SW. Unintentional though it may be, as we will see.

>Episode 11: Continuing on, Glimmer immediately opposes SW's desire to use the heart's power. Castaspella tries to say SW is the lesser of evils, but of course, Castaspella is just a pawn. Catra jumps on Casta's words, calling SW evil... SW taunts her back mockingly and we see Catra's anger start to get out of control. But, Adora knows, one way or another, that SW is the root of all of Catra's pain, and so she comforts her, showing her that she sees her pain, and that she's got her back.

Again, it's very important that Adora is Catra's greatest ally against SW, as she has learned to treat SW as a de facto enemy because she has seen the pain and torment Catra experienced because of SW’s abuse; in addition to her own knowledge of how SW manipulated herself as a child.

>Adora confronts SW, asking why she even needs their help getting the failsafe. SW answer is a lie, but plays to her manipulation of Casta, who she needs: she says she can't get past Micah. (Note: who she actually needs is Adora.) As SW tells her plan she leans into Adora's emotional fears of letting others get hurt and reminds Adora she has to be the hero, SW even touches Adora, which we see Catra react angrily to. But, SW successfully manipulates Adora into accepting her plan, and Catra can't stand to watch it as she knows it must somehow be a dangerous manipulation. Catra quietly leaves to try to process her anger. We then see Adora slap SW's hand away, showing defiance, but as Catra has left, she probably doesn't see that. Adora looks around and sees that Catra is gone, which SW responds to by trying to manipulate her into leaving Catra behind, as she knows Adora is more vulnerable without Catra around. But Adora is wary of SW's manipulations, and goes after Catra. SW is aggravated by this.

>The two girls have a very good, emotional talk about SW. Catra is dismayed, but Adora is always brave for others, so she tells her she's got to try. Adora acknowledges Catra's pain, their pain, from SW's abuse. Ultimately Adora convinces Catra to come. Together, Adora says SW can't hurt them anymore. Catra reminds Adora how dangerous SW is, but the girls have reaffirmed their bond, their promises to each other. Which is important later, as this will come up again.

>As they infiltrate Mystacore, Catra is apprehensive and stays at the back. But as the mission progresses she drifts towards the front, trying to be the lookout so she can protect Adora. This, unfortunately, puts her in physical proximity to SW when they check the ritual chamber. Catra checks the chamber, but then a sorcerer appears out of nowhere (literally, how??) and SW grabs her in a way that's very reminiscent of s1ep2, traumatizing her.

I can't help but conclude SW is being intentionally hurtful in order to unnerve Catra. She could have just pointed, or put her hand to Catra's mouth, after all. Catra throws herself away from SW, demanding she not touch her, and makes the mistake of dropping the spell and revealing their presence. Look closely at this scene and you see Adora actually shows great anger, even violent intent towards SW for doing this to Catra, but it's so quick Catra probably doesn't see it, as she's staring down SW instead.

Under a track, Adora tries to become She-ra, but she's too emotionally conflicted since the episode before when they returned to the Fright Zone and Adora started to realize she's been letting Catra down, leaving her hanging. And SW's hurting of Catra also blocks Adora, she's trying to help Catra and yet she's accepting SW's guidance again, which she knows Catra hates and doesn't trust.

>As they pass through the door and continue down a corridor, Adora sees Catra is in emotional pain and holding herself, so she lends her emotional support. She knows SW touching her was incredibly abusive. She tells Catra that it'll be ok, and to trust her, hitting her with her dearest look of love and care for her. She knows SW is Catra's enemy, and she's got her back. Catra looks back, trying to trust her, to put her fear aside. But the moment is cut short when SW interrupts them, guilting Catra for revealing their presence. Adora walks on, saying they have to keep moving, and her face says she's doing it to stop SW from talking to Catra, but again, Catra doesn't see Adora's face. Catra feels left behind, that the moment was cut short. It's by the barest off margins Catra is missing how strongly Adora is coming down against SW for her sake.

> We get more information about SW's corruption next, that it's a way to bypass the crystal of Arxia and get at Heart of Etheria's energy, and we know this because it's discussed immediately after Castaspella tells them about the crystal of Arxia. So, if the magic is released, SW will have practically unlimited power. SW just mocks Casta when she tries to guilt SW over using the spell, she gives no apology. We see both Catra and Glimmer seemingly have a deeper realization about SW and her powers and that both of them look disturbed by it.

>Continuing on, we get the scene where Catra saves Adora from fire, which is so cute but I'll skip the romantic implications: as Catra walks through the fire, Adora stops and frets over not knowing what to do about Catra, how to give her what she wants. Adora is worried she's going to fail, that she could die. It's Adora's biggest, lifelong fear as the bearer of She-ra, and she struggles with it continuously throughout the series. To her, it therefore doesn't make sense to her to get Catra's hopes up too soon.

>Adora's thoughts naturally turn to her inability to transform... and SW pounces on the opportunity in order to exploit it.

Consider now, if Adora's problem is becoming She-ra, why does SW immediately give her a hard time about Catra, instead? Adora rejects SW's criticism, but SW flips the conversation telling Adora she can't be a weak She-ra and seemingly blaming it all on Catra. She tells Adora that her weakness means she's letting everyone else down. SW tells her she has to focus, and Catra makes her weak. This is terribly the opposite of the truth and SW knows this. What she’s really doing is a deep manipulation of Adora that leans on her early abuse of her: Adora has to be perfect for everyone else, and as she's the only one who can do it, she's totally alone in this burden. The truth is that Adora has always needed other people, that's where she draws strength from. Catra loves Adora simply for who she is: she represents the strongest, smartest and most dedicated person, ie, she's the most powerful person to help Adora with her emotional need for support.

Which SW knows, so she does her best to try to separate them, to make Adora think she's alone. SW does this by grouping Catra with everyone else: save everyone, or no one. Then she delivers a direct assault of Adora spiritually by saying "the world needs She-ra right now, not Adora". She's telling Adora that she doesn't matter, only She-ra matters, and she needs to be willing to give it all up to be that hero. We see Adora search SW's face, she's not satisfied and then she does her best to reject her, pulling her hand away in anger while saying she will stop Prime “no matter what.” Catra is eavesdropping on this, but can't see that Adora stands up to SW so strongly... as usual. Catra knows SW is up to no good with it, though. Doubt takes root in Adora, and it aggravates her fears that she's not good enough to be She-ra.

>Arriving at the failsafe chamber, SW gives away just how much she already knows about the Heart. SW explains the failsafe, and so we know she always planned on getting Adora to accept the failsafe, risking it all. Adora approaches, trying to be brave for everyone else.

One of Catra's most important moments follows: she stops Adora from accepting the failsafe, and calls SW out for her bullshit. She's not going to let Adora walk into a trap when she knows better. Catra flips it on SW, telling her to take the failsafe, making SW tell them why it's dangerous, why SW won't do it herself. She points out how SW knows too much, yet didn't pursue the power of the failsafe. Catra is totally certain that SW wants to hurt Adora, and so she's calling her out to get SW to reveal her manipulation of Adora.

SW instead tries to guilt Adora, saying she alone understands that this is the only way to stop Prime. But Catra stands firm, she protects Adora from SW's manipulation as best she can.

Confronted and trapped by Catra's having seen through her plan, we see literally every person in the room ally themselves against SW. SW is forced to admit the truth: using the failsafe will mean death even for She-ra, if she isn't strong enough.

And so Adora realizes what's coming, that She-ra is the only one who can do it. She's terrified and sad at the thought that this could, will, be her end; that she really will have to give it all up for everyone else. She's always thought she'd have to. It's a deep held belief that she's alone in her burden as She-ra.

Adora asks the obvious question: What happens if I die? SW's next words prey upon Adora's every weakness, her lack of belief in her self worth, and innate need to protect others: "Then the magic will be restored to Etheria, through your sacrifice. You will give us the power to bring us to victory. Prime will be defeated. Your friends will be free." SW is listing out every last thing that will happen if Adora doesn't do it, and each is a part of her greatest fears. Adora is unable to resolve between her distrust of SW and need to protect and be brave for everyone else's sake. SW has her trapped by her own emotions.

Catra looks on, watching the manipulation, seeing the consequences of Adora attempting this. Everything about this moment speaks to manipulations SW has used on Adora before: she preys on emotional need and weakness, she isolates Adora in her burden, she even does the dreaded ear touch. If Adora does what SW says, Catra knows it'll be the death of her.

As SW completes her manipulation, everyone in the room cries out against the unfair decision Adora must make. And yet, Adora doesn't see a choice. Catra puts it best, saying: "you don't care about Adora, Adora can't even care about herself!"

But Bow's words also have meaning: "Theres no way we're risking Adora like that." For all that Bow and Glimmer have done for Adora, she's still supposed to be the champion that's going to save them. They need things from her, not simply Adora as herself. All in all, Bow and Glimmer did their absolute and kindest best to help Adora, often emotionally supporting her through her depressions and fears of not being a good She-ra. But in the end, they still needed her to be She-ra.

But Catra is different, all she wants is Adora, and for her to be safe and loved, and ideally, to be with her. Catra's opinion in this moment is the true one, the most honest. But Adora can't overcome the thought of failing everyone, and so she pushes forward, saying she will take the failsafe.

Adora is feeling alone, trapped by fate. Catra runs to her, literally shaking her in order to try to convey how sure she is that Adora is going to die if she does this. But Adora can't let the universe die, and she's She-ra. She (Adora) doesn't matter. It's only what she can do to try to fix things for others that matters, her hero's burden. Adora pushes Catra's hands off her, in a lifetime of pain and sorrow Catra has never looked so sad. Adora really is pushing her away, not seeing how seriously Catra feels, how badly she needs Adora to understand her in this moment. A dissociated Adora looks internally, accepting her fate, alone again, isolated.

Maybe Catra could have found a way to get through to Adora, but they run out of time. A chipped Micah shows up and begins to systematically defeat them, and Adora has no more time to choose. SW is easily taken down by Micah, it shows his anger at her. He taunts her, she's got nowhere to hide. This is interesting, but not our focus..

Adora again tries to summon She-ra and fails. She simply can't resolve between her sense of failure to Catra and her need to be brave for everyone else. She looks to Catra, decides to do the brave thing as herself, not as She-ra, even if it means she will fail, and hurt Catra. After all, since she’s She-ra, she has to try, right? This is her burden.

As SW turns to Adora and says "the failsafe... we... we can't" Adora is pressed by urgency, doing what she can. Catra tries one last desperate plea: "Please. It doesn't always have to be you!" Adora can't accept this, internally she is certain she has to save everyone. Even if this includes SW herself, and so when Catra later says Adora chose SW, not her in this moment, Catra is right, except that Adora believed she had no choice. Adora is also the only one in this moment who can reach the failsafe, and so it seems like fate is against her. Adora knows she's probably choosing to die, and if she does, she knows Catra will probably die of a broken heart as well. She really does choose SW over Catra, in a way. It's a tough moment, but taking the failsafe is the right thing to do, given the circumstances.

Receiving the failsafe is intense, and as Adora tries to withstand it, Micah binds the entire party with dark magic. Interestingly, this means SW indoctrinated Micah more than we're shown, and now that he's chipped, he is uninhibited.

Adora sees everyone is in danger, if she doesn't come through now it's all over. It gives her that singular focus she needs, summoning She-ra is easy because if she doesn't, Catra, all of them, are about to die.

Failsafe achieved, Micah vanquished, Adora offers Catra her hand, she's trying to show Catra she's there for her, they are together. But Catra rejects her, she's too sure that SW has won, that Adora will die. In this moment all the old trauma Catra carries is too strong, and SW has unnerved her too greatly. As Catra runs from her, Adora realizes that Catra was trying to tell her something deeper, but somehow she's missed it.

>Catra watches Adora sleep, she's emotionally distraught at the thought of her dying. So, she tries to sneak away. Adora finds out, and manages to confront Catra before she can leave. This is one of the most heartbreakingly beautiful scenes about love in this show, but I'll just cover how SW's manipulations come into play...

>Adora tackles Catra, and demands she explain why she’s leaving. Catra throws SW's words back at Adora, that she's a distraction, that she makes Adora too weak to be She-ra. Catra knows this was a unfair manipulation by Shadow Weaver, but she couldn't see, only hear, what happened between Shadow Weaver and Adora. She doesn't know that Adora rejected Shadow Weaver so strongly, both spiritually and by violently pulling away from her. Adora tries her best to get Catra to see that she's not doing this because of Shadow Weaver's manipulation, that she's trying to rise above SW's control of her. But Catra pushes her away, instead trying to speak to a more central truth: Adora's need to serve everyone else's needs, her inability to regulate her desire to make things better for others who are hurting or will get hurt, and balance that against her own needs and safety. She's speaking to the part of Adora which Shadow Weaver is exploiting to get what she wants from her, to control her. It doesn't really matter in this moment to Catra whether Adora is doing it for Shadow Weaver or not, because either way Adora is allowing Shadow Weaver to win. Catra wants Adora to be better than a slave to her emotional need to help others no matter the cost or danger. She's asking Adora to be strong in herself in a way Adora has never been able to be. She challenges her, asking "What do you want, Adora?" The obvious answer, Catra believes, is her. But Adora is too worried she will die and let Catra down to let her romantic feelings about Catra manifest and make it real between them, and taking the failsafe has made Adora all the more doubtful of her own survival. Adora counters "I have to do this Catra, I'm the only one who can." It's all to say that Adora is alone in her burden, and she accepts it and its consequences because she's She-ra. Adora doesn't believe she has value, or deserves happiness unless she can save everyone, including Catra.

Adora believes as She-ra, she is totally alone in her burden. This is wrong of course, Catra does see her and understands her burden, and is the one person in the world who wishes to share that load with her, unlike the other princesses who need Adora to be a hero and save them. But both girls are weak from their deep traumas which Shadow Weaver has reaggravated, and they can't overcome them. Catra resigns herself to the belief that Adora is unable to rise above her most basic emotional need to serve others, telling her "Then do it. That's what you want, that's what you'll always choose." She can't stand to watch Adora kill herself so willingly to serve everyone else, all while letting SW win. She rejects Adora, and turns to leave. Adora desperately begs Catra to stay, wanting her to uphold their promise and telling her she needs her, but is unable to vocalize her desire to be with Catra romantically. Meanwhile, in Catra's mind, Adora is just going to let herself die, and if she does, then Adora never really needed her after all... all Adora cares about is being She-ra. It's harsh, but true... even if what she's doing about it is so wrong.

It's a painful moment for both of them, and it's horrible because Catra is so clearly breaking their promise, the one that Adora restored to Catra she came to rescue her from Horde Prime. And yet, her leaving will work in the end. Catra gets Adora to see how crucial it is that she not let Shadow Weaver win, to let Shadow Weaver get whatever she wants by taking that cost from Adora's own life. And it's how Adora finally becomes too strong for Shadow Weaver to ever manipulate again.

>As Adora returns to camp, still crying from Catra's abandonment, Shadow Weaver tries to swoop in and make her manipulations of Adora take their final hold. She tells Adora she "made the right choice, don't let Catra convince you otherwise, she's never understood." Dreaded ear touch and all. By saying Catra can't understand, Shadow Weaver tries to make Adora feel alone in her burden as She-ra, seeking to weaken her spirit. But we see a total shift in Adora's attitude as she rejects SW’s cruelty and manipulations entirely. Her words carry incredible weight and speak to how she's so clearly seen through SW's malicious manipulations of the two of them. "Stop. I will never forgive you. You ruin people. You ruin any chance they could ever be happy." Adora just watched Catra reject her and abandon her because she couldn't stand to lose Adora again over SW's manipulations. It's by knowing Catra's pain that Adora is able to finally deny Shadow Weaver any sliver of control over her. As always, Adora couldn't do it for herself, she couldn't resolve between her deeper need to save everyone and SW's plans to use her for her own gain. But Adora is strong for others, and so she's strong for Catra. By leaving, Catra has given Adora the ability to rise above any manipulation Shadow Weaver can do to her.

Adora stands up to Shadow Weaver once and for all in her next words: "I'm going to take the failsafe to the heart, and I'm going to save Etheria. But I am not doing it for you. I'll do everything I can to make sure you never get your hands on the magic." (pic1, fyi) Note the exact words Adora speaks here as we will return to them later, they are important. While Adora has seen past SW’s manipulations, and seen that Shadow Weaver only ever desired power, she doesn't realize how SW's childhood abuse of her and attempts to manipulate her in the present are making her too weak to survive deploying the failsafe. To get past that, Catra must help Adora.

EPISODE 12: We watch as Adora struggles to become She-ra, but eventually manages it. She's seen through SW's plan after all, and so she does her best to believe she is strong enough to win on her own, to survive the heart. But she misses Catra desperately. She rallies her people, and ends her speech by saying resolutely that she will take the failsafe to the Heart and destroy it. It's an incredible speech, Adora has become a wonderful leader, but then she looks up and sees Shadow Weaver hiding in the back. As SW meets her gaze, She-ra's form falters and we see Adora's face for a split second. She's furious at her, that she hurt Catra so badly that she ran away.

Adora moves away from the group so they don't see her lose her She-ra form because of the turmoil she feels over Shadow Weaver and losing Catra. Bow and Glimmer check on Adora, knowing she has a tendency to try to sneak away so people won't see her risk her life. Glimmer is perceptive and asks about Catra, she knows it's Catra that Adora needs, that her being gone is tearing Adora up inside. Glimmer is a great friend to the both of them. Adora voices concern for their safety if they come with her, but Bow and Glimmer know Adora needs support. And so they will try their best, even though they know Adora is heartbroken from Catra leaving her.

>Buoyed by their support, Adora goes to the ruins to try to face her final task, to overcome it through her own strength alone. Bow and Glimmer take her hands, we see Adora does her best to set her fear aside. And yet, as they enter she wonders where Catra is, whether she will come back to honor their promise.

>Catra looks back, also experiencing pain over their separation. She has not been able to overcome her trauma, and manage her feelings. Well isn't it just nice to have a telepathic therapy pet! Melog stops, and forces her to actualize her feelings and process them. At first Catra tries to deny them, saying she won't go back, but Melog sits on her. She cries, saying out loud her deepest feelings. Let's take this one in steps. "You saw what happened, A-Adora chose Shadow Weaver, not me". In a very real sense Adora did do this, she pushed Catra away in the failsafe chamber. She ignored Catra's warnings and, in Catra's mind, committed herself to death at the hands of SW's manipulation. The next line is one of the most important in the series, but we will only cover it briefly as it's romantic implications are best discussed elsewhere: "Adora doesn't want me, not like I want her." We get to see one of the most honest truths about Catra: she is an intensely romantic person, and has always had the most incredible dreams of them being together. But a lifetime of pain has told Catra that it can't be real, or atleast, not for her. It is deep seated trauma that blocks her, trauma Shadow Weaver started and then aggravated against her, making her leave Adora just moments before. Catra is, in a word, furious that she's come this far, having dared to dream once again that the two of them could be together and in love, only to have SW come in and take that from her once again.

Let's take a moment to consider how Catra is doing as she adapts to her new emotional way of dealing with the world, as she has shifted her perspective since rejoining Adora: The old Catra might have simply struck SW down, maybe even killed her to remove the threat. But now, Catra doesn't want to do that but is expected to trust in Adora’s ability to overcome the threat through her inner strength, and the through the strength of her community. But, as far as Catra could see, Adora just accepted her death as necessary rather than fighting SW’s manipulations. And this worries her, and it's why it's so important to Catra that she not let Shadow Weaver win, so Catra leaves to make sure Adora gets the message. She's wrong to do this, and she realizes this after opening up to Melog. Adora needs Catra to have faith in her, because without her support, there's no chance Adora overcomes what Shadow Weaver is trying to do to her.

>Glimmer watches the doubt play across Adora's face. She doesn't know how to make it better, since Catra isn't with them. She asks her if she's scared, and Adora answers back as truthfully as she can: "No, I just really hope this works." She's putting on a good face while trying to believe there's a chance, but when Bow tells her it's going to be a whole new world when she's done, Adora doubts. Can she even survive? Will Catra be gone forever? The next scene is, of course, very romantic. We see that Adora has always loved Catra, just like Catra loves Adora. The magic is trying to remind Adora of her own desires, her wants. Let's not get too distracted though: as Adora moves on, vowing to not let the magic distract her, we see her She-ra form falter, she's still fighting despair and loneliness. Bow and Glimmer don't know what to do...

>Catra sees Horde Prime begin hacking the planet and knows Adora is in grave danger of not succeeding in her last, unselfish mission before Prime stops her. Catra can't let this happen, also, since Melog has helped her process her emotional pain, she's ready to support Adora in any way she can, even if it means her hopes and dreams of them being together will be unfulfilled. She tries to rush to her side.

>Adora is panicking and unable to resolve her feelings of failure to Catra, She-ra is in danger of fading again. She sees the sword as she saw it back when she first left Catra, her hand goes to the failsafe on her chest, the thing that made Catra reject her after she accepted it. She tells Bow and Glimmer she can't escape her destiny. The words "I'm losing her" speak to a deep held belief by Adora that she's not worthy of survival because she feels that she has never been able to help the one person she truly loves, making her no hero. All of the manipulations of Shadow Weaver, Horde Prime, even Light Hope are crushing down on her. She believes she has to accept her fate, to die to fulfill her duty as She-ra. It's the price she has to pay for not being good enough, for hurting Catra when she left her to become She-ra. She thanks Bow and Glimmer for their love and support. "I never could have done any of this without you." Bow and Glimmer did everything they could to prop Adora up, get her out of her depressions when she felt she wasn't good enough to be She-ra. But they still needed her to be She-ra, and therefore they can't help her get past her deepest insecurities. To do that, she needs someone who has unconditional love for her. She needs Catra. Adora leaves Bow and Glimmer behind, trying to protect them, so that only she will have to die.

>Catra finds Shadow Weaver patiently waiting to receive her power, to be able to achieve dominion over everyone else. SW tells Catra "She's gone to the heart of Etheria to free the magic and become the hero she was born to be." The dead hero, that is. As SW tries to guilt Catra, calling her selfish, she glares back. She stands up to SW, rejecting the manipulation: "Enough! This isn't about you and your messed up power trip anymore!”

In this moment, Catra shows us how clearly she understands SW's goal. She calls her out perfectly. She tells SW that Prime is infecting the planet to take the heart, which changes everything, including for SW.

>As Catra leads SW, having forced her to cooperate, they see Prime's broadcast and Catra knows they have to act. She demands SW take them to Adora, and doesn't accept her lies. She knows SW can do it with magic, and demands she comply. Her words hit home "So do something good with it for once and help me save Adora before it's too late." Notice the similarity to when Glimmer asks Catra to be better on Horde Prime’s ship. SW is trapped, she has to comply. If Adora doesn't reach the heart, no magic for SW, universe ends. Catra accepts SW's hand, though it hurts her to do so.

>Catra and SW arrive in the corridor. As Catra gets the truth from Glimmer, she's dismayed. "Of course she's gone, that's what she does, isn't it?" She knows in this moment that Adora is consumed by fear, her inadequacies. As she finishes briefing Bow and Gimmer on the situation, she tells them she will stay to help Adora, and she invokes their promises to each other. It's an important moment, as it is the two of them together, their promises to each other, that gives them the strength to surpass SW's manipulations of them. Glimmer knows Catra is in love with Adora, so she leaves Adora in Catra's care. Bow’s words are important as well, speaking to the power of the Best Friend Squad. It gives Catra a boost to her morale, a belief that maybe there's a chance she and Adora can overcome the odds they face.

>Adora looks out over Etheria, seeing its beauty. Mara joins her. Adora tries to promise Mara that she will save the world, everyone, at any cost. Mara flat out rejects this as wrong, she doesn't let Adora promise. Mara confronts Adora on her decision to die for everyone else. When Mara asks her what she wants, Adora says it doesn't matter, that she's She-ra. Again, an isolationist view, a lonely burden, just like SW wants her to believe. Mara tells Adora that she, Adora, has value as a person, not only as a hero, and that she deserves love, too. As Mara tells to not lose hope, Adora is emotionally moved but you can tell she's still struggling to accept Mara’s words because of her feelings of inadequacy and loneliness. Mara manages to pass some courage to her, but then Horde Prime cuts them short.

Prime leans into Adora’s fears, threateningly. Like SW, he knows how to exploit her. He was in Catra's head and so he knows what Catra knows. He tells her that her failure is imminent, that she is already defeated, like the other She-ra's. The guardian monster then strikes and infects Adora, and she finally loses her grip on her She-ra form. He tells her even her own people didn't want her to make it to the heart, telling her the whole world is against her, and that she's totally alone. She tries to counter this with defiance, but the virus has her. She knows she's in trouble.

----Part 3: Final Moments, and Death, of SW----

>Episode 13. Adora is in pain, trying to understand the nature of the infection. The monster towers over her, it has only to reach out to deal the killing blow, she's defenseless. Suddenly Catra shows up, engaging the monster. Adora's only concern is for Catra's safety, telling her to leave her because it's too dangerous. But Catra has decided: she will do whatever it takes to give Adora her chance to save the universe, if that's what she wants. Even if it means Adora has to die. She tells SW to get Adora to the heart, which Adora objects to. SW is looking closely at Adora and seeing her illness, evaluating. As Adora begs for Catra to not leave her, Catra tells Adora she'll catch up. After all, they are the best friend squad. Bow's words have given Catra a small amount of hope that maybe it'll be ok. Adora, now that Catra has finally shown up, is desperate to not lose her again, and knows fighting this monster is too dangerous for her alone. But she's sick, and unable to help her. SW takes Adora unwillingly towards the heart.

>Catra is doing her best, but the monster is too much, even for her. She tries to slip away, seeing the virus continuing to spread. She's trying to get to Adora, who’s alone with SW. Horde Prime stops her (no keep running!!) and she gets caught. He mocks her, telling her he expected better. But Catra has already surpassed his greatest expectations, and she'll stop him yet... as the monster catches her, she cries out in anguish. It seems the cruelty of the universe has caught up to her again, after all...

>As SW tries to bring Adora to the heart, Adora's sickness is rapidly advancing. She demands SW wait, but she's too weak to resist. The thought of losing Catra again is weakening her spirit and allowing the virus to take over. SW tells her not to lose her focus, she's still hoping Adora will deploy the failsafe before dying. But then the virus seemingly attacks Adora's heart and SW watches the failsafe nearly fade out. SW looks up, she's close enough to already siphon power from the heart. Her lust for power is apparent.

As Adora hears Catra’s scream, she forcefully pushes herself from SW, and starts to go back for Catra. SW calls for her to wait, but Adora leaves her behind.

This is it, the turning point. The great moment of truth: SW now realizes, in utter totality, that she's never going to get to have the power. It's one of the most important moments in the series, and what happens next is the culmination of all of the hard emotional growth the two girls have been doing.

>>Quick interjection: we’re about to get emotional here... (well, I do). Just a light suggestion to check your surroundings. <<

Shadow Weaver now realizes that, even if she were to drag Adora to the heart, she would be too sick and heartbroken to deploy it. It's over for SW, either she dies now, with everyone else in the end of the universe, or she dies giving everyone else, including the girls, a future.

Remember as well, Adora has told SW that she would do everything she can to make sure she never gets the power. Adora is too strong against SW's manipulations, something Adora learned from seeing the pain Shadow Weaver caused Catra through her abuse. I mentioned that the exact words Adora used when she rejected SW the night before were important, so let's return to them: Adora told SW she would deploy the failsafe, and also that she will block SW from getting the power for herself. But as she said all of this, about saving the world, the universe, she doesn't say one, very important, word.

Promise.

Adora may have dedicated herself to being She-ra, but somehow in that moment she knew not to promise to SW that she would deploy the failsafe to save the universe, instead only saying that she was going to find a way, while making sure SW doesn't get the power. We saw that Adora later tried to make this particular promise to Mara, but Mara threw that out, telling Adora to be better, to rise above her lack of self belief.

A promise was made, though. She promised Catra. Their beautiful, childhood promise, the one she so casually broke way back when, her greatest mistake. And so Adora goes back for Catra, to be there for her, to try to help. If this Catra's end, she will be there for her... even if the cost is this high. She can't just let her die alone. She is honoring their promise...

And so… Adora finally… after all this time, puts Catra above her duty as She-ra. Her love for Catra is more important than fulfilling her heroic duty, and so SW can no longer manipulate her into giving up her life so SW can get the power. The girls have, in fact, transcended her manipulations, and as Adora leaves SW standing by the heart, SW is totally alone and without anything, anyone, left. She is, in fact, defeated by the girl’s love for each other... and so as SW looks towards the heart, she finally... makes... the right... choice. She gathers enough power from the heart to fight the monster...

>Horde Prime mocks Carta as she tries in vain to resist being pulled towards her death. When he invokes Adora's name, saying she will die, Catra shows her sadness, disappointment, at having come so close to being with her. He mocks her again, asking her if it was worth it. Catra shows defiance, then sorrow. The answer is yes, of course. Catra was willing to lay it all down to give Adora her shot at saving the universe, she's honoring their promise as best she can even if this is Adora's final act before her, and their, deaths. Catra has total belief that in this moment, that she needed to sacrifice herself for Adora. It seems like the natural outcome of fate, of the cruelty that is SW's and the universe's betrayals of the two of them their entire lives...

Heroic. Fucking. Music. SW shows up, charged from the Heart to take Catra's place. She's going to do one heroic and worthy thing of remembrance before she goes, since she is defeated and knows she won't get to have the heart's power.

Carta's disbelief is total, she can't understand how SW would ever do this for her. Her manipulation of them their whole lives was so total, so unfeeling. And yet, here she is. SW tells Carta to get to Adora and run. She forces Catra back and blocks the door. Catra still can't understand... and we finally... see Shadow Weaver show some actual real remorse for how empty her life is. She begs Catra to take Adora to the heart, to set the magic free. The one thing SW is dedicated to is magic, and she knows releasing the magic will restore the planet. Catra points out the obvious, that SW will die. Part of the reason Catra is so broken up by SW doing this is because Catra had just accepted her fate of dying in order to give Adora her chance to save everyone: Catra was willing to die for Adora even if Adora never found the courage to want Catra the way Catra wants her. And now SW takes her place? It doesn't make sense to her, as SW is a greedy person.

Shadow Weaver’s next series words are some of the most important in the entire series. And this is also the one redeeming quality she has... that she is a teacher. And she’s about to tell Catra something very, very... important.

She says: "It's too late for me." All her manipulations towards getting the power at the cost of the girls lives have been torn down, they've completely moved past her, she has no place in their lives anymore. The girls have learned to love each other so loyally that SW is done, finished.

"But you... this is only the beginning for you." Catra listens to this, searching for the deeper meaning... "I'm so proud of you, Catra." I think we all agree SW being 'proud' of Catra is a devastating line, Catra doesn't need or probably even want her abusers approval. I also think it is a lie, everything about SW says she's unable to feel actual compassion. But SW is a mastermind, and I think she's telling Catra she has respect for her. Catra ended up being the greatest enemy SW ever faced, she was so smart that she saw right through every manipulation SW made, and in the end, SW couldn't touch her. But theorizing aside, we see Catra cry... somehow, someway, SW finally seems to be showing Catra some amount of good in her, and so she cries, wondering where it comes from…

As Catra brings her hand back to uselessly flail at the barrier, Adora catches it. Catra looks back at Adora, surprised at her reappearance...

… right then we see Catra suddenly look away from Adora. It's quick, but we're seeing a dissociative moment: this is Catra realizing something very deep, and very meaningful...

Catra realizes, that in this moment, SW has chosen to do something that is much more than just dying in Catra's place.

She has given Adora to her.

All of Catra's life, Shadow Weaver has stood between her and Adora, love was a thing Catra was not allowed to have. But the girls, together, have transcended all of her abuse and manipulation. They have seen through her plan and risen above every cruelty, and have blocked SW's manipulations to use them for her own gain. And so, a defeated SW chooses now, to give Catra the most beautiful of gifts...

Catra puts it all together, filled with clarity: SW is telling her that Adora doesn't have to die, she can survive this. That they can survive the Heart!!! And Catra is the key, as SW has told her: "This is only the beginning, for you."

Catra is now given this knowledge freely by SW, and thus given hope. SW stands before them, totally defeated, in awe of Catra's incredible growth and cunning and that she was able to see through her plan, and how strongly the two girls have come to love each other. So, SW is giving Catra her fullest respect, and as a last act before her death she is passing Catra newfound hope that the two of them can overcome this, that they can survive...

Shadow Weaver removes her mask, showing Catra her face. It's not a face of manipulation, as we expect, no, there's respect, even, dare I say, gratitude. SW didn't have to do this, Catra knows that. And yet, Catra managed to show SW something she never expected to see. And so, by outthinking and so totally defeating her, by making SW see that all her manipulations were discovered and therefore wouldn't work no matter which way she turned, and by getting Adora understand the urgency of not letting SW win, Catra has won this final, beautiful gift…

“You're welcome…”

As Catra watches SW make her final sacrifice... her one good deed... she looks on, stunned. Life is never quite so simple as you think it is, and since returning to Adora, Catra has seen so many acts of generosity she didn't really believe were possible... and now... this...

Catra lets Adora cry for a moment, then tells her they have to go. Catra is filled with new urgency... they will face this final challenge together. As she resolutely carries Adora towards the heart, she knows she's now in charge of their fate... and as they face this final task, Catra is searching for a way to save Adora, and to save their love once and for all...

All of this has huge implications for what then happens with the girls when they reach the heart chamber, but that's a topic better discussed another time…

Some final notes here. It's my belief that Shadow Weaver is the overarching villain of the story, who spans all seasons of She-ra, and is far more important to the plot than Horde Prime is. Furthermore, understanding Shadow Weaver as this kind of villain is a stepping stone to explaining many other important plot points in the series, and we can build on it to understand a lot of the most important moments in the show.

My personal belief about this story is that the writers had such a diverse room of people of LGBTQIA+ and other backgrounds, each with their own trials and pains they had to overcome, that as a team, their goal was to bring to light as many of these struggles that they could. But as for this most central story, my guess is they wanted to tell us a story about overcoming real darkness that exists in our world, as well as Etheria, because sometimes that's how it is. And so the right thing, the only thing to do is to overcome and move past such people, to not let them control your life.

All this is to say that I think the moral of Shadow Weaver in the story isn't about finding the good in her, but about rising above her and the fundamental darknesses that we all sometimes face. And our girls do this through love, at no point do they use violence. And that makes this story very, very... special.

Thanks for reading. Until next time…

~EtheriaDearie

P.S. :: as I am new to tumblr, if you enjoyed reading this, please consider giving me a reblogg! Thanks!! 🙇💛

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bwbatta · 4 years ago

Text

Dating Harry Potter would include

A/N: hope you enjoy this lovely request! I was so ready for this one! Divider by @firefly-graphics 💜

You’d meet Harry on the train in your first year

You guys would be in the same year

And though you were friends with each other, you weren’t good friends

But that all changed in your forth year

When the Triwizard Tournament happened

And Harry had asked you to the yule ball

You’d already been asked by a few others first but you’d turned them down primarily because you didn't know them that well

But when Harry asked

“doyouwannagototheballwithme?”

You were kind of shocked he wanted to go with you

But of course you said yes

Because well he was Harry Potter right?

You started hanging out a lot more after that

And you quickly came to the realisation

He kinda hated the fact he was Harry Potter

You know, the Harry Potter that came with all the fame

And he so desperately wanted to be just Harry

And you understood that

Which is why from then on you both balanced each other out so well

He was impulsive

Always wanting to do the right thing

Save everyone that he could

But never really looked after himself that much

Which is where you’d come in

You, Hermione and Ron would constantly be looking out for Harry when he needed it

The only difference was

Well

You could kiss him as a way of persuasion

“You know kissing me isn’t going to make me forget about the situation at hand?”

“Well then I’ll stop kissing you altogether”

“...I mean it might work”

While we’re on the subject about kissing

Sweet kisses as you passed each other in the hallways on the way to lessons

Long kisses in front of the fire in the common room at 2am when everyone else was asleep

Passionate kisses after a near death experience

(Those were more frequent than you liked)

The near death experiences I mean

Not the kisses

You definitely didn’t mind the kisses

You were his rock

And the one he would go to for rants, wonders, questions etc

Seriously any little thought that would cross through his mind he would make a note of and run it by you later when he saw you

When Cedric died, he was a mess

Continually thought it was his fault

A kiss and a hug from you however and he started to feel better though

He was so glad you were there for him

When Umbridge came to Hogwarts however

Oh my

Harry was already a little sass pot

But it was like it was on MAXIMUM level when she was around

You were so concerned after his first detention with Umbridge when you saw his hand afterwards

You were ready to go straight to the minister himself to put a stop to this evil woman

But Harry didn’t want you to make a big deal about it so talked you down to at least mentioning something to Sirius

(Something he’d told you about as soon as you guys got together officially)

You were definitely a part of the DA and then the small group which went to the ministry with the intention to save Sirius

And then you were cornered by death eaters

Harry would pull you behind him more so than the others

“Stay behind me”

He’s just so heroic man

Sixth year wasn’t any easier, especially when Harry started running around attached to some book

You never thought you’d be jealous of a book before

“Can a book suck your dick, Harry?”

“...it is a magic book”

“Shut up, Ron”

When Harry had used sectumsempra which he found in said book though

And nearly killed Draco because of it

You were the one to go hide it with him

Which led to you showing him just how much better you were than a book

(If you know what I mean)

After Dumbledore’s death, you were Harry’s saviour

He honestly wouldn’t know what he’d do without you

So when you all went to Privet Drive to move him to the Burrow

And you were one of the polyjuiced Harry’s

He was so against it

Did not want you involved or to be targeted like he was

Not that you’d listen

So when Harry arrived back to the Burrow with Hagrid before anyone else

And saw George come back with a cursed off ear

And then Hermione and Ron arrived

And then Fred

And Remus

And you still weren’t back

He was so worried

Literally pacing outside waiting

And his heart almost stopped when you arrived back with Bill, clutching your bleeding arm

But alive nonetheless

He caught you in the firmest hug, arms around you like you were his lifeline

Because in some way, you were

Harry was always concerned about you hunting horcruxes with him

But an argument he brought up about it would immediately be shut straight down by you

“(Y/N) love, I think-”

“If this is about it being too dangerous for me to be doing this with you, I suggest you think of another way to end that statement”

“...you look really nice today?”

“Good choice”

When Ron left, your heart broke slightly

Especially when the two boys who had been closer than anyone throughout the last 7 years started yelling the most hurtful things at each other

When it was just Harry, Hermione and you

And the three of you went to Godric’s Hollow at Christmas

You hugged Harry close to you when he found his parent’s graves

It was silent between the two of you as Hermione searched the other graves for any information

You already knew you’d do anything for this boy

However when he laid his head on top of yours

And whispered just loud enough for you to hear

“I’m so glad you’re with me right now”

You didn’t say anything, only hugged him closer to let him know how much you loved him

When the battle of Hogwarts started, you both needed to go separate ways to help end the war

And you best believe he would leave you with the most heartfelt kiss you both had ever shared

So when you didn’t see him again until after he found out he was a horcrux

And was going to sacrifice himself

Your heart truly broke for this boy who had so much put on him from such a young age

And how people expected so much from him all the time

So when Harry was carried into the courtyard in Hagrid’s arms

You felt like you couldn’t breathe

Like the air had just been stolen from you

And then when he was suddenly alive

You knew you wouldn’t leave his side again, not wanting to see him like that ever

After the battle had been won and death eaters started to be rounded up

Harry took you to the side for a quick moment alone and said nothing but kissed you

Kissed you to remind himself that you were real

That everything around him was real

That he poured his entire heart into the kiss in the hopes you felt as strongly as he did about you

This kiss was his way of grounding himself, showing you that you meant everything to him

And that he would want you in his life for however long you both had together

And you were all too happy to oblige

#harry potter x reader #harry potter series #harry potter imagine #harry potter headcanon #harry potter #dating harry potter would include #dating harry potter

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masterwords · 4 years ago

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Without Going Over

An image haunting my silly brain today. (In this scenario, Hotch was not married.) I was watching S2e16 last night and this silly little moment happened at the beginning and it set off this totally self-indulgent mini idea. I don't have time to sit down and do any real writing this week but I am LOVING all of the asks and I have so many ideas for them. You guys are seriously the best.

Summary? Just Emily blabbering and Morgan being a coy, adorable little shit. There is no plot, this is definitely Mortch and it is NOT poetry. It's just self-indulgent babbling.

“What makes you think a writer isn't a drug salesman?” ― Kurt Vonnegut Jr.

“I think I totally screwed up this date...you have to understand, I'm a nerd...” she blurted out, riddled instantly with regret.

It was too early for serious talk.

He thought he was walking away. Prentiss had turned him down for conversation, brushed him off while she wiped up her spilled coffee, and yet here she was standing in the middle of the floor trying to reel him back in. Maybe because he wasn't aggressive, he didn't seem terribly interested and he certainly wasn't flirting with her like she assumed he would. The way he just smiled and shrugged, let her blow him off, she was realizing she'd misjudged him.

She actually wanted to talk to him.

Meanwhile, he just wanted his coffee and his desk, there was plenty on his mind without adding her woes to the mix. He wasn't sure what to think of this woman, found himself irritated and somehow intrigued at the way she couldn't seem to stop herself from rambling even after she'd blown him off. There was desperation for companionship in the way she spoke riddled with an inherent obligation to sabotage that very thing. He smiled, loosened his posture, always willing to lend an ear.

“Aw, yeah, nerds, I'm dating one of those myself...big one...tell me more,” he acknowledged with a grin, figuring he'd throw her a bone. It wasn't often that he shared anything about himself, one of those people that wore their heart on their sleeve and made everyone feel so comfortable, so at home without ever giving themselves away in the process. He kept himself well guarded, glad to let people make their assumptions about him without argument. In a place like the BAU, it provided him a shred of privacy. Hotch wore his scowl to hide the depth of his feelings and Morgan wore his flirty grin for the same reason. She gave him a funny look, thought about turning and running off like he was all of a sudden too eager but stayed the course and explained her error in judgment. Or, what she considered to be her error anyway. It made him laugh, the way she became suddenly like a self-conscious teenager explaining some awkward moment in gym class rather than a highly skilled FBI Agent who had, he presumed, engaged in an adult date the night prior. His coffee burned the roof of his mouth as he sipped and listened. When she mentioned Vonnegut, he took his opening, spouted off a few quotes, watched her light up. It wasn't that she'd never met anyone who enjoyed his work before, plenty of people did, but there was something fascinating in that moment when she realized for all his cool exterior, he was a nerd too. It was unexpected. He walked around like some big tough guy in his motorcycle boots and his leather jackets, kicking in doors and playing football but she was seeing him for who he really was for the first time. He beamed while he quoted passages, lit up the entire room and she wondered at it for a moment while he gushed without a care in the world. Unlike her, he seemed to have no hangups over whether or not he qualified as a nerd.

“Conference room in five minutes,” Hotch interrupted softly, appearing out of nowhere. It startled Prentiss but Morgan was hardly phased. He moved noiselessly, splaying his hand across Morgan's shoulder blade, letting it linger there for just a second longer than she deemed appropriate. Her eyes went wide at the way Morgan's eyes met Hotch's in a brief moment of intimacy before Hotch was stalking off toward the conference room without them. Morgan didn't even flinch but she couldn't blink. Hotch didn't just touch people, he was so cold, so closed off and the way he'd laid his hand on Morgan's back looked like the most natural thing in the world. It was unsettling.

“No way...” she muttered, and Morgan sipped his coffee, waggling his eyebrows a little. “You're not...” What she was accusing him of suddenly smacked her in the face – not only was she assuming that he was interested in men without anything concrete to base it on, but she was taking the extended leap that he was somehow in a relationship with their hard nosed boss. On top of that, she'd just inadvertently made the assertion that her boss was a nerd. Everything was stacking up and she regretted ever opening her big stupid mouth. The absurdity of her thoughts was not lost on her, and yet she was as sure of it as she'd been of anything.

“Nahhh,” Morgan replied, shaking his head with a grin. “You're right. Can you imagine?” He walked off toward the conference room grinning like the Cheshire Cat, shaking his head. The pleasure he took in messing with newbies was unmistakable. It usually took longer to get to this point but Hotch had made it so easy. He couldn't help himself. She followed close behind until they reached the catwalk, her mind still racing a mile a minute trying to reconcile what she thought she saw with what she knew about Hotch. Hanging back, she watched through the window as Morgan took a seat, the way he kept looking up at Hotch, the way their eyes would meet and Hotch's mouth would tick upward almost imperceptibly at the corners, the ghost of a smile. She covered her mouth, realizing two things - one, she was right and two, Morgan was putting on a show entirely for her benefit.

“What is it?” Garcia asked, sliding up beside her. Emily chewed her lip for a minute, wondering whether it was common knowledge or not. Certainly Hotch wouldn't want her to know anyway, he clearly didn't like her, didn't approve of her presence on the team and was probably looking for any reason, any slip up to release her. Accusing him of being in a relationship with one of his subordinates would be grounds for termination, she was certain. She needed to tread lightly.

“Nothing...” she sputtered. “It's nothing.”

“Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh,” Garcia grinned, eyes twinkling behind her sparkly frames. She loved this part. The finding out. The secret that couldn't be contained because Morgan couldn't turn it off, he couldn't not look at Hotch with those doe eyes no matter how he tried. No matter how grumpy Hotch looked, how much he frowned, Morgan was always right there looking at him like that. And then there was the way Hotch looked at Morgan, it was more covert, blink and you'd miss it but the sheer adoration there was unmistakable when you did catch it. “Yeah. That nothing. Don't overthink it, you'll neverunderstand it.”

#criminal minds #fanfiction #aaron hotchner #derek morgan #emily prentiss #penelope garcia #ficlet #mini fic #mortch #hotchgan

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holidaywishes · 4 years ago

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Dusk Till Dawn

Requested: 👍

Summary/Request: 22 of the music prompts with Matthew Tkachuk please? “but you’ll never be alone / i’ll be with you from dusk till dawn” (dusk till dawn, zayn & sia) for @chuckythepest

Warning: fluff, maybe some angst, soft smut (I’ll be honest, I changed my mind about having a bit of smut in here or not and it’s not much but it’s there, so...)

Author’s Note: I’m sorry it’s taken me a little bit longer to write but hopefully it gives you what you’re looking for. I’ve never listened to this song so much in my life; I had it playing on repeat as I wrote this so I could really get a feel of what to write. My friend is a huge Matthew Tkachuk fan, really a huge Flames fan in general, but I have to admit I had to watch a lot of interviews to get a feel for the guy. I also wasn’t sure if I wanted it to be an angsty fic or a fluffy one because the song kinda has both vibes so honestly, it’ll be an adventure for the both of us. If you enjoyed this one, here’s the entire list of prompts. Feel free to send your requests through! Stay Golden, loves <3!

masterlist

the other masterlist

You had been on a vacation with a few of your friends in Cancun for about a week when you got the news that everything was going into lockdown

“What does this mean?” your friend, Beth, asked as she paced around the hotel room

“It means that everyone has to stay inside for a bit” you said

“No, what does that mean for us?” she asked again

“I guess it means that we have to isolate when we get home” another of your friends, Jenna, replied as she dropped onto the bed

“I wouldn’t have left if I knew we were gonna come back to a total nationwide, international lockdown!” Melanie, your childhood friend shouted frantically

“Okay, everyone calm down...” you sighed, “we knew this was a possibility, as much as we might want to say that we didn’t, we knew that we could get home and everything would be shut down”

“So what do we do?” Beth asked

“We...” you stammered, not having the answers but trying your best to stay calm, “we listen. We do what we’re told -- isolate, quarantine, get tested, all of it -- and then hopefully it’ll be over soon.” Your words were like a curse because as soon as you got back to St. Louis, the world seemed crazier than it ever was. Months went by and nothing changed. People were still getting sick, still dying, and there were still people who thought it was all a hoax. Birthdays were spent apart, friends stopped making an effort to keep in touch and it made everything feel... cold and sad. The only thing that seemed to make any sense was your friendship with Matthew.

“What’s up kid?” he texted one day after a particularly hard week and you just about broke down in front of your phone screen

“I lost my job...” you sent back

“Ah shit, I’m sorry”

“It’s fine but thank you”

“It’s not fine”

“I mean, no, but it’s not like it’s just me. Half of the world has lost their jobs”

“That doesn’t mean you have to be all fine about it”

“Matt, seriously, it’s fine”

“You say that now and then two days from now you’ll get pissed about someone else getting promoted”

“I wouldn’t do that”

“Not on purpose but stress can do things to a person...”

“I’ll be fine but thank you for caring so much”

“Anytime!” you smiled at his concern before changing the subject, checking in with his family, asking him about what was going to happen with the season, “I have no idea... everything is still shut down until further notice”

“I hope things get better by Christmas”

“At the rate things are going, I don’t think they will”

“Way to stay positive, Tkachuk” you scoffed to yourself

“It’s what I do 😜” the conversation didn’t last long after that and you went on a spiral of looking and applying for jobs; everything came crashing down when you’re grandpa got sick and you couldn’t visit him. You called the hospital every day, not wanting your grandpa to be alone, but they wouldn’t let you in, ‘protocols’ they said

“I don’t know what to do, Matt” you sobbed over the phone

“Relax,” he tried, “we’ll get you in there”

“They won’t let me in!” you argued, raising your voice in anger, “he’s dying and they won’t let me see him...”

“I can make sure you see him.”

Matthew��s P.O.V

You were trying your best to get (Y/N) into the hospital to see her grandpa but it was taking a lot more effort than you thought

“Please,” you begged the doctor, “he doesn’t have anyone else. She’s not getting any answers and she just wants to see him, even if it’s to say goodbye”

“I’m sorry. I can’t break the rules for your girlfriend” the doctor replied

“No--” you stammered, trying to backtrack, “she’s not my girlfriend. She’s my best friend and she wants to see her grandfather”

“I can’t break protocols for one person. We’re doing everything we can to keep him healthy and if we invite guests inside, it puts our patients at risk,” the doctor explained, “maybe we can set up a Zoom call”

“If he dies and she isn’t there, she will blame herself for the rest of her life”

“I’m sorry. I don’t have a choice...” you angrily hung up the phone, throwing it to the side while you thought up a plan before calling (Y/N).

“The doctor said no...” you said solemnly

“What?” she whimpered, “Matt, he can’t be alone there. In a hospital, he needs to be with people who love him”

“They said they have protocols,” you added, “but we can sneak in there...”

“Sneak into a hospital?” she scoffed, “Matthew, we’re not spies. We can’t sneak into a hospital during a pandemic”

“Just trust me”

“What happens if we get caught? If we get in trouble?”

“We’ll cross that bridge if we come to it”

“I can’t le--”

“Just trust me” you interrupted, convincing her that everything would be okay and ending the call. You made your way to the hospital where (Y/N)’s grandpa had been checked into and asked around about how someone could have visitors

“They’d have to be tested before they came and then retested, temperature checked, when they got here,” a nurse explained, “and then they’d have to sit behind a barrier with a mask on. It wouldn’t be any different than most other places -- we’re following the same guidelines and restrictions, we just have to be 10 times as careful because we have lives at stake”

“But if a family member did all that, the tests and followed the guidelines, they could come visit?” you asked, feeling like you might be getting close to a solution

“Hypothetically?” she started, “it’s possible but there would be a time limit. Maybe 10 minutes maximum and even that’s pushing it”

“I can work with that!” you smiled under your mask and rushed out of the hospital, texting (Y/N) about what needed to be done, the two of you rushing to a testing facility as fast as possible and waited impatiently for the results. When both of your results came back negative, you told her you’d make a call and get her in to see her grandpa; she hugged you tightly before a tear fell from her eye onto your exposed collarbone. “He’s gonna be okay” you whispered

“Thank you,” she replied, keeping her arms wrapped around your neck, “for doing all this for me”

“I know how much he means to you” you smiled at her when she finally let go of you, her eyes softening at your words. You and (Y/N) met when your dad was drafted to St. Louis and had been friends ever since, celebrating each others successes as the years went by. Her grandparents raised her after her mom died and her dad took off, she was only six years old; her grandma died two years later so it was (Y/N) and her grandpa against the world. They were inseparable and she would’ve done anything for him -- including letting you sweet talk a group of nurses to get her into a hospital during a global pandemic. You watched as she made her way down the hallway, the lack of visitors and laughter making everything suddenly feel real, she stopped in front of a large glass door clutching onto the coat that she held in her hands as she waited for someone to let her in. A doctor finally let her in but stayed close by, pulling her out after 10 minutes had passed, not a second more, “come on, man,” you begged, “let her have a little bit more time”

“I can’t” he replied before looking at (Y/N), “I really am sorry.” She nodded at the doctor before looking back toward her grandpa’s room and tucking herself into your side as you made your way out of the hospital. You started to drive her home but after miles of silence, she asked if you could take her to the park where the two of you used to sneak out to

“Yeah, sure” you agreed, keeping your voice soft and letting her rest her head against the window for the remainder of the ride. When you pulled up in front of the park and parked the car, you looked at (Y/N) noticing a stream of dried tears on her cheeks before she swung open the car door and ran to the swings. She did this every once in a while, tried to ignore her pain and focus on putting a smile on someone else’s face by pretending she was fine. You could always tell that she wasn’t fine but you couldn’t always bring her out of it, “(Y/N)...” you sighed

“Come on, Matty!” she called, pushing herself on the swing to see how high she could get, “let’s see if you can get higher than me!”

“(Y/N).. we don’t have to do this. We could just sit and talk if you wanted to...”

“Why? I wanted to come to the park to play, not to talk,” she challenged, “if I wanted to talk, I would’ve gone home or to your place...” you exhaled as you walked toward the free swing beside her, your eyes following her as they tried to catch a glimpse of her face; trying to gauge whether or not she was crying. She didn’t stay on the swing too much longer, instead choosing to jump onto the Merry Go-Round

“You’re gonna spin on this now?” you scoffed

“No,” she answered with a laugh, laying down on the cold metal, “you’re going to spin me and I’m gonna see how long it takes me to get dizzy.. Just like we used to do.” You obliged, letting the sound of her laughter fill the air while the old playground equipment squeaked below her. As you kept spinning her, you noticed that her once happy laughter had been replaced by whimpers and you fought to slow down the Merry Go-Round

“(Y/N)?” you asked as you rushed to her, “what’s wrong? what happened?”

“He’s all alone, Matt...” she cried, “you should’ve seen him, he was so weak and I just wanted to hug him and tell him everything was going to be okay but I don’t think he’s going to be okay...”

“Shhh,” you tried to calm her sobs, letting her head fall onto your shoulder, “I’m here”

“I don’t want him to be alone... I don’t want to be alone” she sobbed

“You’re not alone...” you whispered and she looked up at you, her eyes flooded with tears, “you’ll never be alone...” you could tell by the way she looked at you that she wanted you to kiss her but you couldn’t bring yourself to do anything, fearing that she was too vulnerable and you’d be taking advantage of her. So, you continued to hold her instead, for as long as she needed but when she lifted her head up from your shoulder to look at you once more, she made the first move, pressing her lips onto yours as dusk set in and the two of you were the only sound either of you could hear. Your lips moved in sync with hers as your hands laid firmly on her sides; rolling her onto her back slowly so she didn’t hit her head. Her hands roamed to the top of your zipper, pushing the slider down before you tore it off your body quickly, leaving her lips for just a second to throw the fabric behind you. As much as you wanted this to happen, you were still being careful and she could feel your hesitation

“What’s wrong?” she asked

“Nothing,” you lied, “I just want to make sure you’re okay with this. That you’re not just doing this because you’re upset...”

“I know what I’m doing, Matt” she smiled.

When Matt started to drive you home, you asked him to redirect you to the park the two of you used to go as kids; so you could feel a little less like the world was falling apart

“Yeah, sure” he said softly before your head fell against the window as you waited for him to pull up to the park. You had managed to keep your crying quiet enough that, when he saw you, Matt was surprised to see the stream of tears on your cheeks. You pressed your lips together before you rushed out of the car toward the old swing set, jumping on and trying to get as high off the ground as possible

“(Y/N)...” Matt sighed and the tone of his voice was all too familiar so you ignored it

“Come on, Matty!” you laughed when you called to him, “let’s see if you can get higher than me!”

“(Y/N).. we don’t have to do this. We could just sit and talk if you wanted to...” he tried but you shook your head. You just wanted to forget what you’d just seen, forget about what was happening, forget that you might have to be alone again and you really didn’t want to be alone again

“Why?” you urged, “I wanted to come to the park to play not to talk. If I wanted to talk I would’ve gone home or to your place...” he finally walked to the swing next to you and began pumping his legs to meet your height before you could feel him watching you, leading you to hop off the swing and head to the next piece of equipment from your childhood; the Merry Go-Round.

“You’re gonna spin on this now?” Matt scoffed as he followed you to the metal death trap that you climbed on

“No,” you replied, chuckling at his question before lying down, your exposed skin meeting the cold metal below you, “you’re going to spin me and I’m gonna see how long it takes me to get dizzy.. Just like we used to do.” He compressed his lips and did as you asked, spinning you quickly and you laughed as you got increasingly dizzy with every turn before your grandpa’s face popped into your head; tears overcoming you as whimpers left your lips. Matt quickly dug his feet into the ground to stop the Merry Go-Round

“(Y/N)? What’s wrong?” he rushed to you, pulling you close to him, “what happened?”

“He’s all alone, Matt,” you cried as you remembered your grandpa in the hospital. He was all you had and the idea of him not being with you terrified you, “you should’ve seen him, he was so weak and I just wanted to hug him and tell him everything was going to be okay but I don’t think he’s going to be okay...” you shook your head frantically at the thought

“Shhh..” he hushed you, letting your head fall on his shoulder, “I’m here”

“I don’t want him to be alone... I don’t want to be alone” you sobbed

“You’re not alone,” he whispered and you felt his body move closer to yours, just to close the space between you, your eyes continuing to brim with tears, “you’ll never be alone.” Whether it was your fear of being alone, of losing the only person who had ever loved you, or if you just wanted to be close to someone, anybody, you looked up at Matt with soft eyes, hoping he’d make a move. But he didn’t. He just held you and, as nice as it was, it wasn’t what you wanted. You lifted your head once more, this time moving your lips closer to his as the sky filled with the dark hues of dusk, his breath brushing across your skin before your lips connected with his. He pressed his hand against your waist as he kissed you slowly, your lips parting just enough for his tongue to inch into your mouth before he shifted his body to lay your back onto the Merry Go-Round, holding your head with his free hand so you didn’t hurt yourself. Your hands found their way to the zipper of his hoodie, sliding it down and pushing the fabric from his arms and he left the kiss just for a second to easily throw away his hoodie, leaning back over you while you waited for him to continue kissing you but he pulled away

“What’s wrong?” you asked, sitting up as he did and you leaned against his back

“Nothing...” he said but you could tell he was lying, “I just want to make sure you’re okay with this. That you’re not just doing this because you’re upset...”

“I know what I’m doing, Matt” you scoffed and he turned his head back to you

“I know you do,” he smiled, kissing your nose playfully, “I just want you to know that you don’t have to”

“I want to” you replied, placing your hand on the side of his face to bring him closer to you, pressing your lips against his and twisting his body back on top of yours. You melted into each other, your breathing in sync as you undid the button of his jeans, setting him free before his hands drifted to push your leggings down. His lips trailed to your neck as he pushed himself into you, eliciting a quiet moan from you and a growl from him when you dug your nails into his skin. You tried not to make too much noise, worrying that the park was still too close to the neighbouring houses, but every once in a while you whined out a curse word

“Fuck,” Matthew moaned out before you could, “oh god” he grunted against your neck as he continued to pump in and out of you, your back arching to gain more friction

“Shit,” you whimpered, “fuck.” His speed increased and you giggled when you heard the Merry Go-Round start to squeak

“Shh” he chuckled

“I’m sorry” you laughed back, trying to focus more on the pleasure than the noise and after a few minutes, Matt released inside you and rolled to the side. You curled up beside him, placing your hand on his chest before you fell asleep next to him. You woke up with the dawn, letting Matt sleep while you watched the Sky lighten

“Good morning” he cooed, kissing your shoulder as he sat up

“Good morning,” you smiled, turning to lay a kiss to his lips, “we should probably get out of here before someone rats us out” he laughed but nodded in response, grabbing his hoodie from the ground and wrapping it around you. You watched him drive smoothly through the streets and you smiled to yourself

“What?” he smirked

“Nothing,” you replied, “I just... like you a whole lot”

“That so?” He chuckled to himself

“Yeah”

“Well, I guess it’s a good thing I like you a whole lot, too.” He reached out his hand to interlock his fingers with yours and a flush of heat ran through your body. He had managed to make you forget about everything for a while and you were grateful to him for that but you were still scared that you’d end up alone in the long run. “Hey,” he said, seemingly catching your eyes fall to your lap, “I meant what I said last night”

“What?” You replied, furrowing your brow

“You’ll never be alone. I’ll always be here for you”

“Thank you,” you smiled, dropping your head on the headrest, “for everything.”

“Any time” he smirked, bringing your hand up so he could kiss it while the two of you drove silently back to his house.

#Matthew Tkachuk #Matthew Tkachuk fic #Matthew Tkachuk imagine #Matthew Tkachuk request #Matthew Tkachuk prompt #Song Prompt #Music Prompt #dusk till dawn #dusk till dawn prompt #ZAYN and sia #request #fic request #imagine request #prompt request #song prompt request #masterlist #the other masterlist #hockey #nhl

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ad1thi · 4 years ago

Text

2020 fic recs!! [Part 2]

part 2 of my 2020 fic recs!! as before, ive limited this to five fics per month; and fics are ordered by the month they were published. This spans fandoms and ships, and hopefully you find something you like!! credit for the idea goes to @iam93percentstardust

***

July

this is the start: @capnwinghead

Clark and Bruce continue raising the Wayne children and encounter a number of challenges along the way.

great minds (love alike): @starklysteve

Steve’s eyes flicks down to Tony’s knees on the floor.

“Are you – are you proposing to me with my ring for you?” Steve asks incredulously, eyes wide and confused.

---

Or, Steve finds Tony’s ring for him, Tony finds Steve’s ring for him. Panic happens.

Marvels Unsolved: @iam93percentstardust

Marvels Unsolved was never supposed to be this popular. It started off as a novelty web-series about Tony trying to convince Bucky about the existence of the supernatural—he firmly believed that if science could turn Uncle Steve from an actual shrimp to the god of muscles, then magic had to be out there—and then they’d started talking about an unsolved crime from the early 20th century after filming an episode one day, forgetting that the camera was still rolling, and had ended up with enough footage to make a second episode about real crimes. They had stayed pretty unknown throughout that first season but then true crime podcasts had exploded in popularity and Unsolved along with them.

it’s a small world after all: @maguna-stxrk

“Great speech.”

Smiling at the compliment, Tony turns around. “Thank y—”

And nearly drops his champagne flute.

His world comes to a stop.

They had only spent a night together, but Tony would recognize those baby blues anywhere.

It’s Steve.

Steve from Tony’s London business trip. Or, as Rhodey has become accustomed to calling him—The Soulmate That Got Away.

you’re in my blood, you’re in my veins: @nethandrake

Tony always figured that if they ever were to break up, it would be like a blaze. Scorching and hot and all-too blinding. Intense like the two of them have always been.

Instead, they break up on a Tuesday, with the rain pelting the windowpane and the midnight silence stifling.

August

Five Times Danny said he’d marry Steve (plus one): @five-wow

Danny humphs. “Look, all I’m saying is, I think I’d probably have married you by now.”

“I’d marry you, too,” Steve says.

Or: An experiment in how many times you can say something before you have to put your money where your mouth is.

Family (You’ve Always Had It): @/SunnyQueen

A black Camaro and a scowling blond was not what Junior had been expecting.

“Hi, sir. You didn’t have to pick me up.”

The blond looked up from the screen on his phone and groaned, completely ignoring Junior's statement. “You are right, I didn't have to."

Ode To Yoga Pants: @riotfalling

OR the continued terrible mating dance of Bucky and Tony, AKA when betting on your friends stops being fun

Through The Years: @hawkbucks

Tony brings home Natasha one day, proclaiming her to be his new sister.

Natasha takes this all in stride.

The broken road that led me home to you: @just-fandomthings

A documented list of conversations between Steve and Danny via text and phone call following the events of 10x22 "Aloha." (Where, even thousands of miles apart, Steve and Danny can't go without talking to each other.)

September

someday, we’ll pass it on to you: @starklysteve

Steve smiles.

Reaching up, he flattens his hand against his son’s far smaller one, curling gently around it. “You wanna be like him?”

“Da!” Peter agrees again.

One year old, and you already know who’s the best of us, Steve pauses to reflect, all his fears chased away by a fierce pride. “Your Dad’s coming home real soon,” he promises, “you should tell him that.”

---------------

Or, five times Peter did the repulsor pose as a toddler

+ one time he used the repulsors as an adult

Classic Sci Fi: @notdoingsohot

Bucky wakes up to Steve telling him he's lost his memory, but not to panic, it'll only last a few days. Easier said than done when the last thing Bucky remembers is fighting Hydra with the Howlies in WWII.

He tries to make the most of it however, and there's this guy... Tony Stark. It's pretty clear the guy hates Bucky's guts, which is unfortunate because god damn is he a sight.

He tries to figure out what he did to wrong Stark, but everyone just tells him he doesn't want to know.

They were right.

Blooms in Frost: @/Diomedes

Tony coughs up his first petal on the sixth of July. He has been married to the love of his life for two years.

Bury a Hanahaki corpse in earth and it will beget the most beautiful garden. All that love, it is said, must go somewhere.

Hanahaki AU: Established relationship

------------------------------------------

A Single Thread of Gold: @lovelyirony

Rhodey doesn't believe in love at first sight or any of that cheesy shit. He just wants someone who is nice, dependable, and safe.

Tony Stark is Housing Service's little problem for the school year, and now he's stuck in Rhodey's room because he's exploded the last two dorm rooms he's been in and won't live off-campus.

high roller, place your bet: @machi-kun

“Would you kiss Stark for a hundred bucks?”

“I would pay a hundred bucks to kiss him.”

October

press my luck: @omg-just-peachy

But... Steve is almost ten years his junior, and he could be with just about anyone, looking and acting like he does. And then there’s the not so small fact of Tony’s name and net worth and the fact that, okay, Tony had paid for Steve’s grad school tuition, and now he’s worried Steve feels obligated to stay. Or something.

Or, Tony is a billionaire, Steve is a grad student, and they learn to let themselves be taken care of.

see it with the lights out: @starklysteve

Tony goes on a business trip, and he does not - not at all - get jealous of Dodger hogging his husband's chest, a territory otherwise known as Tony's pillow.

(or, Steve goes on an Instagram spree and Tony misses home)

adulthood is looking both ways before you cross the street and getting hit by an airplane: @starkslovemail

It was a perfect plan, if Peter did say so himself.

The Buy In: @dracusfyre

For the ImagineTonyandBucky prompt: Mafia AU with Tony as the Boss (except he's a really good one, making the streets safe, keeping drugs away from kids etc) and Bucky as the detective sent to go undercover to catch him out but ends up realizing he's actually doing more good than harm and they end up falling in love

trinkets of your affection: @starklysteve

Kissed him once for every year I loved him, Steve had written.

By that count, Steve owes him five more kisses now.

Tony traces the words, hands trembling, and tips back a shot of Howard's ancient whiskey. None of it burns anymore.

One day, he'll have lived more days without Steve than there are words in the diary.

For the first time since he'd woken with shrapnel in his chest, Tony fears the future.

----------

Or, five things Tony keeps to remember Steve by, and one thing Steve gives him to remember.

November

“Hey Tony”: @riotfalling

Steve points out that Bucky never calls Tony by his actual name. Bucky doesn’t believe him, until he does.

Remembering You is Hard to Do: @lovelyirony

“The future’s crazy, honey-bear.”

Jim looks up.

“Why do you call me that?”

“Call you what?”

“Honey-bear. It’s weird.”

“Inside joke we have,” Tony says, chest tightening. “We thought those couples that have the lovey-dovey nicknames were ridiculous.”

overheard your heartbeat (calling me yours): @starklysteve

"Tony - "

"I wish I could promise to come home this time," he feels the armor crawl back down his arm, continuing unnoticed over Steve's red gloves, then up the blue uniform as Tony fights to keep Steve's gaze firmly fixed on him.

The last eyes Tony might get to see, and he wants to be lost in them.

In the end, his entire life boils down a few simple things: "JARVIS, take care of him for me."

----------

Or, Tony overhears a phonecall where Steve proposes, a battle happens, and a paper ring settles some misunderstandings.

i (really, really, really, really, really, really) like you.: @nethandrake

For as long as Steve can remember, he's been crushing on Tony Stark. The thing is, he's pretty sure Tony doesn't know Steve exists. And how could he? Steve's scrawny and little. He's a nobody compared to Tony who's Mr Popular and the son of a billionaire.

Or at least he thought so until Tony swings by the bakery Steve's mother happens to own to enlist Steve's help in finding the perfect Valentine's Day card.

The perfect Valentine's Day card for someone who isn't Steve.

One Song (My Heart Keeps Singing): @iam93percentstardust

When Thor is old enough to understand what a Heartsong is, he goes to his mother to ask her why he can’t understand the language his is in. He listens as she tells him about the first soulmates who couldn't understand their Heartsong until the day they meet, excited by the thought of a grand adventure, one that will take him across the cosmos in search of his One.

He’ll search all the Nine Realms if he has to.

December

Swiping Right: @s-horne

“Ouch. Definitely a hard pass for that one?”

Steve startled at the sudden comment from the row of chairs behind him and turned around. He’d been passing the time in the airport lounge by swiping through Tinder and had gotten lost in his own world. It was almost jarring to be pulled away from the screen of hot men and back into reality where the PA was screeching and there was noise everywhere.

Adjusting to the difference, Steve frowned. Wait, he knew that face. Oh, shit… he knew that face.

“No, no, it’s fine,” the man said before Steve could get out anything other than an embarrassed sort of yelp. Waving his hand through the air, the stranger smiled ruefully. “I get it. It’s the beard, isn’t it? True be told, it was a weird winter choice that year and I knew it would come back to hurt me.”

Steve didn’t know what to say. He knew it must have shown on his face and could feel himself flushing, panicked and embarrassed all at once. What were the odds of swiping left on someone literally sat behind him?

set your flight path home (to me): @starklysteve

Tony puts down his welding torch. “I’m building you a plane.”

Stepping carefully over the gears and tools scattered about, Rhodey slowly makes his way to him.

“And when did you become an expert on how to build a plane?”

“Last night,” Tony grins.

---------------

Tony builds a plane, and Rhodey teaches Tony how to fly it. Or he would be teaching Tony, if Tony didn't distract him so much.

I Want A Man With A Slow Hand: @thefourofswords

“Can I ask you a question?” he asked on their way to a crime scene, because no time like the present, and Danny believed in ripping off band-aids.

“Why not?” Steve replied, eyes on the road. “You’re gonna even if I say no.”

“What do you like in bed?”

Danny undertakes a very important mission to get Steve laid. For his health. Ahem.

same time next year: @omg-just-peachy

“I forgot to ask. When’s your flight home?” Steve asks, draping his arm over Tony’s shoulder and settling in against him.

Tony ignores the knot that forms in his chest at the idea of it, leaving Steve again for his own impersonal apartment, his piles of books and projects and the nights without sleep.

“Day after tomorrow.”

Steve huffs a little sigh, then brings his lips to Tony’s neck. “Well, we’ll have to make the most of it, won’t we?”

Or, four (4) Christmases with two (2) idiots who can't admit they're in love.

rearrange my heart (to fit your smile): @starklysteve

"You dare," Howard's chair makes an ugly noise as it scrapes against the stone floors, the chatter of the room shifting into hushed whispers and stolen glances. "I am your father and your King!"

"My King is my husband," Tony tips his chin up, defiant. "And I refuse to hear you suggest that my husband has been anything other than good to me."

Next to him, he feels Steve's shoulders stiffen in surprise.

Howard's fist slams loud on the table. "Your husband does not even love you!"

Tony jerks back, burned. He knows that. Knows that Steve did not marry him for love – does not need any reminder of the cold truth, of what he desperately yearns for and can't even hope to have – but the harshness of Howard's words was scalding, and Tony can't afford for this to go any further.

----------

Or, King Steven marries Prince Tony, Tony is pretty sure he shouldn't panic when he falls in love with his own husband, and Steve tries his very best not to cause diplomatic crises.

Keyword: try

#adi's rec list #superbat #superhusbands #winterironfalcon #mcdanno #buckytony #peppernat #superfamily #rhodeytony #ironfamily #and that's a wrap!!!

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zenith-impact · 4 years ago

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Windbloom Blues (Diluc - Kaeya - Venti - Jean)

I feel you, Nonnie. I have seasonal allergies myself so I totally get it. I don't usually write for the girls, but I'll make an exception ^_^. It is the Windbloom Festival after all!

On another special note, I wrote this right after the FIRST day of the WIndbloom Festival, so I have no idea what’s going to happen with the other characters or the event itself. So if things are a little different, that’s why ٩(◕‿◕｡)۶

Enjoy!

Every year’s the same. The beauty of the Windbloom Festival descends on Mondstadt, but you - with the wonderful allergy to pollen - are stuck in your room, unable to truly enjoy the festivities without feeling miserable. But this year is different. Because this year, you have someone who can celebrate with you, and they’re not taking no for an answer...

Diluc would be the one to try and solve the problem first. There must be something in the world that stops allergies, right? Some kind of medicine or… something? He would go to great lengths to inquire at Bubu Pharmacy long before the Windbloom Festival to see what he can find.

If (maybe when) that trail goes cold, he’ll look for alternatives to make you feel more comfortable. His first idea would be taking you to the Dawn Winery. It would be easy for him to make sure that any decorations are devoid of any real flowers. Pinwheels and artwork? All fine. Keep the real flowers on the edges of the property. His staff might wonder what he’s doing, but they’ll listen to him anyway.

Of course, he can’t battle all the elements, but at least the Dawn Winery is a lot bigger than your room and comes with your own, personal Diluc more than ready to celebrate with you.

Then when giving out the flowers, Diluc will make sure to find one that you can actually enjoy. It takes a lot of effort and some money on his part, but instead of giving you a real flower, he has a bouquet of fake ones made by Flora and some other citizens of Mondstadt well before the festival. And they’ll always be your favorite, too. Favorite color. Favorite type. Favorite combination. Suddenly, all those questions he asked you about flowers make sense.

He’ll also be a bit more relaxed on the whole “no alcohol” thing as long as Kaeya or Venti isn’t around. He still wouldn’t drink at Angel’s Share, but he would bring home a nice bottle of Windbloom’s specialty just for you. He might even enjoy a glass or two. Depends on his mood (which is usually quite happy with you around).

He would also (successfully) find a way to bring the fun of Windbloom to you instead. He’d bring you a special Lyre that can make anyone’s music sound great. He’ll find balloons that he’ll scatter around the house that can be “shot down” with darts instead of arrows. (he’ll fix the small holes in the wall later).

The only thing he can’t do is the gliding competition, but he’ll bring you home a winner’s wreath with, you guessed it, more fake flowers to make you feel like you got to do it. He doesn’t tell you how he acquired all these things, as you’re pretty certain he had to participate in each event itself to get them, but I’m sure you can imagine the great lengths he went to.

Plus, the mere thought of Diluc playing the lyre of all things for your sake is one you’ll treasure forever.

Kaeya will be a bit more subtle than Diluc. Instead of trying to bring the festival to you in all its miniature-sized glory, he will find other things to bring home instead.

This may or may not include a love poem that Venti helped him write. Though he seems to have a knack for those sorts of things anyway, so you’re not sure why he got Venti’s help in the first place.

Like Diluc, Kaeya will bring you fake flowers to adorn your home with so you at least feel like you are a part of the festival. He might tease you a bit by hanging fake dandelions over your doorway, but it’s all in good fun.

He’d also probably find a way to procure a lyre of some kind, even though you’re certain he might have swiped it instead of learning to play it himself. Although he might surprise you with a song or two. After all, he’s done this whole “Windbloom Festival” thing for more than a few years.

Kaeya would also try to get you outside at least for a little while, even if it's just to walk you to Good Hunter or Angel's Share. He wants you to get some sunlight and knows it can't be fun being cooped up all day. But he'll be sure to keep your exposure to the offending elements to a minimum.

Overall, Kaeya would want you to have fun in other ways and would visit as often as possible to make sure you're enjoying yourself. He'd even be careful to clean off his clothes or take a shower to remove any pollen before entering your room.

The guy does care, even if he doesn't always overtly show it.

Venti would try to get you outside a bit more than the others, mostly because he wants you to see his performances and the classes he's teaching.

Don't be surprised if he uses you as his muse for his love poems and reads them out to his students to inspire them. Try not to be too embarrassed, even though everyone knows he's talking about you.

Also don't be surprised if he sings to you from the streets of Mondstadt, Romeo style. He doesn't do it to embarrass you, but to sing his love for you to Celestia itself.

He will convince you to try a gliding challenge, but he'll get someone to help set up a special one just for you. You won't be collecting flowers, but feathers that seem to float exactly where you need them to be. And he will for sure glide with you, even if it's just to cheer you on.

He'll also give you private lessons on how to play the lyre. These sessions may or may not end in cuddles and kisses depending on how fast you pick it up… or just because he feels like it.

If you don't know the truth of his Archon status, Venti will probably tell you during the festival. He'll feel obligated with all the people celebrating Barbatos. If you already know, then tease him over it because he will undoubtedly find ways to tease you. He'll also bring plenty of gifts, sweets, and just enough alcohol to make you both happy.

Strangely enough, you feel more invigorated the more time you spend with Venti as if you don't have allergies at all. Maybe it's that gentle breeze that always seems to follow you around that keeps the pollen away.

The Windbloom Festival with Jean is the exact opposite of how it is with all the boys. Instead of her coming to you, you need to go to her. This could be a bit of a problem because of your allergies, but you'll find a way to make it work.

The only reason you'd have to be a bit more proactive is because Jean can and will work herself into the ground. It doesn't matter that there's a festival going on. She'll feel like she needs to monitor everything.

That's not to say she will forget you. She'll bring you prizes from the events and wind wheels she made herself. She'll visit at least once a day to make sure you're okay.

Eventually, she'll realize your allergies are actually giving you trouble the more time you try and track her down. This will convince her to come to you more often.

You're the reason she comes and stays in your house for longer than an hour, curled up on the couch as you both cuddle and talk.

Jean will finally understand that, for the first time in years, she's finally just enjoying the festival for what it is- a time to relax with someone she cares about. It won't stop her from working entirely, but it will show her that it's okay to leave the work to others for a time.

#genshin impact #genshin impact imagines #genshin impact headcanons #genshin impact reader #genshin impact x reader #genshin impact diluc #genshin impact kaeya #genshin impact venti #genshin impact jean #diluc #kaeya #venti #jean #reader

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thosewickedlovelies · 4 years ago

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AND THEY WERE WALLMATES: Pasteles de Gloria (part 3)

Pairing: Javier Peña x F!Reader

Rating: T for mature themes (mentions of sex and violence)

Summary: Javier thanks you...appropriately, this time. Connie and Javier have a chat <3

Tags: Mention of blood. Reader starts to have Thots (same, girl)

Word count: 3,740

A/N: So their POVs in this chapter overlap a little bit...sorry if that throws anyone off, I’m still getting used to writing reader insert fics. The dessert and the Spanish are explained at the end :) Enjoy!

Masterlist

You hadn’t seen Javier in over a week. The first few days after that conversation had been a whirlwind of emotions- worry over whether you’d said the right things, hope that he might feel the same (plus fear that he wouldn’t), and eventually anger at his total lack of response. Until Connie told you that he and Steve had been sent on some mission.

“Nothing dangerous, but they’ll be gone for a few days. Javi must not have gotten the chance to say goodbye.” Uttered without a second’s hesitation, like it was unthinkable that Javier wouldn’t have explained himself to you if he could.

Maybe Connie knew something you didn’t.

So another several days had passed, with worry becoming the dominant theme; all your other initial feelings faded into the background as you wondered how ‘not dangerous’ DEA work could really be.

You’re settling in for another restless evening when there’s a rap on the door. Your nerves leap and jangle- you aren’t supposed to being seeing Connie again until tomorrow, so who…?

You peer through the cracked door before wrenching it open the rest of the way, your heart roaring in your ears. Javier Peña stands before you. He holds a bottle in one hand and a paper bag in the other, and looks uncharacteristically nervous. You forget you’re theoretically supposed to be upset with him as you stare at each other, wide-eyed.

He clears his throat. “Hey. Uh, sorry I disappeared on you. Boss sent me and Steve on a mission, I had to leave from work.” So Connie had been right on both accounts. He hadn’t had time to call you, and he would have if he could.

When you wait, he continues. “I thought, since I interrupted your evening the last time I was here, I could make it up to you.” He holds up the bottle, which you’re surprised to recall is indeed the same wine that you had opened the night he came to your place after reopening his wound.

You look at him in wonder, but he’s not finished. “Also, well...I can’t bake for shit, but I know somewhere that can. You ever had a pastel de gloria?” He lifts the paper bag, cracks a small, still-nervous grin.

“I haven’t,” you confirm, an answering smile growing on your face, touched by the sweetness of his gesture and the implications it holds.

“Well, you can try them tonight, because-” his confidence apparently bolstered by your response, he holds the bottle out to you, brow quirking in request. You take it, bemused at the prospect of there still being more to his plan, and he digs something out of his back pocket with an air of presentation. “-I found the sequel to a certain movie while at a market recently. I was going to bring it to Steve and Connie’s but...now seemed like a better time to watch it.”

You almost laugh out loud as you take in the cover of the tape in his hand. It’s the sequel to that movie night travesty, all right. That Javier would do all of this...you hardly know what to say.

You hope whatever expression is on your face is saying it for you, though, as you look up at him. “Thank you, Javier. This is...amazing.” And it is, much more so than would have been necessary to thank you for helping with his leg, or to make up for his unplanned disappearance after you turned down his proposition.

He chuckles, looking down in embarrassment. “You don’t actually have to watch this shit movie if you don’t want to. That part was just a joke.” You could swear he’s blushing, the faintest tinge of color in his cheeks beneath the white hallway lights. “But you should try these pastries, because they are something else.” He offers you the bag, his body shifting sideways slightly, as if he intends to hand off his gifts and then disappear. As if his wide, guileless, puppy dog eyes and the unconscious pout to his lips weren’t begging otherwise.

Well. “Of course I want to watch this shit movie, Javi. As long as you watch it with me.” You give him a teasing grin. “It was much more fun with a spoilsport.”

Relief spills over his features, washing the tension from his shoulders and the breath from his lungs. Turning away toward the kitchen, you miss the true extent of it, leaving the door open for him as you head back inside. “Bring those to the couch, I’ll get us some plates,” you call over your shoulder.

Javier follows more slowly, collecting himself. By the time you join him in the living room, carrying, plates, wine glasses, and napkins, he’s fiddling with your VCR. You pour the wine while he sets it up, although you find yourself distracted by the shifting valleys of muscle in his back beneath his tight-fitting shirt, the bottle in your hands suspended uselessly above a glass. You curse as you almost spill.

“Everything okay?” Javi joins you on the couch, a careful, hesitant distance away.

“Of course!” You’re quick to assure him. “Now, tell me about these pastries,” you urge, eyes sparkling. He unloads them onto a plate, stacking rounded pastries into a rough pyramid, each one golden brown, sprinkled with sugar, and the size of a small fist. His voice softens as he tells you about the bakery and the older woman who runs it, who insists everyone call her ‘abuela’, even grown men and gringos like him. How he discovered it entirely by accident one day, following his nose.

“The filling is usually pasta de guayaba- guava paste- but they can also have arequipe, or cheese, or all three. She gave me a some extras, so I’m not sure which ones are which here,” he says, suddenly brusque. He gestures for you to take one first, a look on his face you can’t quite identify.

You’re definitely at risk of drooling as you pick up a pastel, Javier watching you intently. Puff pastry flakes over your plate as you take a bite.

And close your eyes in relish. A trio of flavors oozes over your tongue, each complementing the other, all of them ensconced in a sheath of sugary, flakey pastry. The creamy, neutral tang of the cheese mellowing the tart-sweet burst of fruity guava, both flavors coated in the thick, sticky-sweet burnt sugar taste of dulce de leche.

Swallowing, your eyes pop wide to look at Javier again. It’s a near-physical reaction he has to your sudden attention, an almost-flinch away from it as he awaits your verdict.

“Javier.” Your voice is serious. With slow deliberance, you lean toward him intently, reaching out to rest your hand on his forearm. You let the anticipation s t r e t c h.

“You have got to tell me how to make these.”

The breath leaves him in a rush, a huff of relief and and laughter at your dramatics. He’s hyper-aware of your hand on his skin- the casual touch reverberates through him in a way he should probably be more concerned about. It’s the first time you’ve touched him for non-medical reasons, but it heals him all the same; he feels warm, something inside him yielding in your presence.

He clears his throat. “Like I said, I can’t bake for shit. But...I can ask the abuela.” His free hand rubs at his neck, slipping beneath the collar of his shirt. The movement draws your attention, and your gaze continues lower, to the two buttons he seems to perpetually leave undone. The smooth, flushed skin beneath. Was it warm in here?

You stand abruptly. “Is it warm in here? I’ll flip the fan on. You want to press play?” You throw him a quick smile as you cross the room to the wall switch. You flip off the overhead light while you’re there, leaving just the tall floor lamp casting a bright but cozy glow.

Javi obliges, the space dimming briefly as the opening sequence begins. You plop back down on the sofa, deliberately settling slightly closer to him- friends distance away. Handing him a wine glass, you raise yours expectantly. “¡Salud!” you beam.

Despite your cheer, you feel a trickle of nervous anticipation. What shape would your relationship take with only the two of you to guide it? You’d never been alone alone together for the express purpose of just hanging out.

Javier clinks his glass with yours. “Salud,” he murmurs, his eyes crinkling upward slightly.

You order yourself to stop getting in your head. Humming around a mouthful of plum-purple wine, you set down the glass in favor of your plate, loading it with several more pastels. Blissful satisfaction fills you as a second bite confirms their perfection, and you lick sugar off your lips with a happy sigh. Beside you, Javi’s empty fingers twitch. He takes a large gulp of wine.

The movie rapidly proves to be of the same ‘quality’ as its parent. Just as quickly, you realize you didn’t need to worry about getting on with Javier. You end up having great fun at the film’s expense, frequently pausing it so Javi can explain in more detail why this or that would never happen in real life. It’s fascinating hearing him speak with such confidence, observing the minute ripples of his face as it contorts in thought. Despite his superior knowledge, he’s never condescending toward you, listening patiently to your questions and trying to answer in ways you can relate to. He sneers freely at the characters onscreen though, and you can completely picture him sitting at a one of those government conference tables, telling some poor bastard how bad his ideas are with his trademark dismissive, deadpan attitude.

There are other fascinating things about him, too. Like the way his short shirtsleeves to stretch over his arm muscles, subtle but visible, highlighted by the room’s long shadows. Like the tempting cords of his neck when he tips his head back to drink. Like more of his self-conscious glances, when he bites into a pastel and crumbs and sugar cling to his mustache. He hurriedly swipes his palm down the hairs, but you’ve caught him from the corner of your eye. You press your lips together to smother a giggle, but when he glides his tongue over his lip to catch any stray bits, your smile fades as your stomach swoops. You can sense him regarding you again as you fix your gaze on the tv. You wish you knew what was going on in his head.

Too soon the movie ends. The credits roll, but Javier shows no signs of leaving, leisurely taking out a pack of cigarettes and tapping it against his hand. “Do you mind?” he checks.

You wrinkle your nose but allow it. “As long as you do it at the window.” You stand, leaving Javi still seated, and spread your arms in a stretch, attempting to blink away some of the sleepy wine haze. “Be right back,” you tell him, taking the opportunity for a bathroom break.

After, however, before crossing the kitchen to rejoin him, you pause on the threshold of the hall. Your head tilts as you run your gaze over his unguarded stature. Javier leans against the window’s edge, his head and torso turned to exhale smoke out into the night. It doesn’t all escape immediately, gray twisting in the air around his profile, and you lose yourself in the brooding picture he paints. He believes he’s alone, but doesn’t look like he’s enjoying a peaceful smoke break- more like he’s weighed down by his thoughts, his eyes sweeping over the street without taking it in. Doesn’t he have anyone to share his burdens with?

You shuffle your feet loudly before you turn the corner, revealing your presence so he can react accordingly. As you approach, he stubs out his cigarette on the narrow sill and turns to face you, his shoulders relaxing.

“I thought of something else about that last scene,” he greets, and you’re happy to let him go on about the film, savoring the rich timbre of his voice. You talk for a little while longer, lounging by the window. He asks you more about yourself now, and you haltingly tell him about your background, how you came to arrive in Columbia. He drinks in every word, and you get the feeling he’s storing this all away, ready to reference later. As if he intends for there to be a later.

Finally it comes up. Your last interaction. “Look, I’m sorry about last time,” Javier begins. “When I, you know-” he nods jerkily in lieu of saying “tried to seduce you” out loud. “I, uh. I don’t know what I was thinking.” His gaze drops the same way it did when he was withholding how he got the cut on his leg.

You thought you had understood some of his thought process, but maybe there was more to it. “I think you do,” you disagree wryly. One shoulder lifts in a shrug. “But it’s okay, Javier. I just...didn’t want you to sleep with me just because you felt like you owed me.”

It’s a struggle to hold his gaze, yours ranging over his face and chest, searching for a reaction to what you’ve left unspoken. That you may well want him to sleep with you, but only because he actually wants to, wants you, specifically. Javier is smart, and clearly experienced with women- there’s no way he’ll miss the implication.

The longer you hold his gaze, the more clearly you see his thoughts churning, turning over everything that’s occurred between you and what it might mean, with all the analytical precision his career requires. That’s who you’ve been seeing, you realize, every time his provocative persona misses its mark with you- Agent Peña, the man who puts up a shield of derisive disdain so no one gets too close, so no one wants to. Until someone comes along who says fuck that, for whatever reasons of their own- like Steve, who demanded that Javi let him in as much as he could stand to because they’re partners, damn it, for better or for worse. Like Connie, who informed him that your well-being is important to my husband’s, so by god, you’re going to let me care about you. Like you- his neighbor and wallmate who, despite being faced with Agent Peña's rakish side, could see that there was more under the surface than just blood oozing from a knife wound.

As if realizing the window this moment is giving you, Javier shakes himself free of it, pushing off the wall. “Well, I won’t keep you up any longer,” he says gruffly. “Thanks for...this.” He gestures to the coffee table behind the couch you’re leaning on, the silent tv static jittering on the wine and pastries.

You stand too, unhurried. “Thank you, Javier. For the company, as well,” you say with sincerity.

He nods, seeming torn, perpetually caught in some internal struggle around you. Finally, he says a single word in farewell, his voice a low caress: “Vecinita.”

He starts for the door without waiting for a reply. Blinking in surprise, you spin in place. “Buenas noches, Javi,” you call, hoping your understanding reaches him.

You think it does, because he pauses for a second with his hand on the doorknob; before, with a last glance, exiting, leaving the hope kindling in your chest as the only proof it really happened.

Javier has a hard time focusing at work the next day. He and Steve have a lot of paperwork to get through, mostly material from their recent mission, but every time he shifts in his shitty desk chair he remembers how comfortable your couch was. How at ease you seemed sitting next to him on it. How badly he wanted to reach out to you, see if you felt as soft as you looked in that setting.

“Fuck,” he swears. The paper in his hand is the same one he’s been staring at for the past ten minutes.

Huffing, he shoves his work aside, snatches up his jacket, and heads home early. But his apartment offers even fewer distractions, so with a growl of frustration, he downs a whiskey and stalks back to the door.

Only to be stopped in his tracks by Connie, standing on his stoop with a coffee pot in hand. She looks startled by his sudden appearance, her fist still raised to knock.

“Hi, Javi. I heard you get back a little while ago, and I haven’t seen you since you and Steve returned. I thought we could catch up.” She speaks tentatively, clearly wary of his black scowl and riled energy.

“Did she send you?” he asks, eyes narrowing, jutting his chin to indicate your door.

Connie frowns in confusion. “No, I won’t be seeing her for a a day or three. She’s got an intensive-care patient at the hospital who needs around-the-clock attention.” Her own eyes narrow. “Should she have sent me? Did you do something?”

“No,” Javier retorts curtly. “Just- didn’t know if this was brought on by some of your gossip, is all.” Resigned to his interrogation, he steps back, opening the door for her.

Connie continues to glare suspiciously as she passes, but heads into his kitchen nonetheless, getting out sugar and mugs in a familiar ritual. She knew better than to bother checking the fridge for milk.

Once seated in the dining room, however, she doesn’t pry any further about you, or what he may have done, only continuing a previous line of conversation from their last chat. It helps, but as she gets caught up telling some work story, Javier’s attention drifts again.

He inhales from the cigarette between his fingers, remembering the taste of the one last night, filtering through the flavors of cherry-dark wine and sugar-encrusted pastry. He had tried to keep some figurative distance between the two of you, but you didn’t seem to want it, closing the gaps with questions, always looking so damn interested when the answers pertained to him or his life. Were you that fascinated by all your ‘friends’?

Javi doesn’t notice that Connie is scrutinizing him again, just like he hadn’t noticed that she’s been silent for the past minute.

“What’s she doing up there?” Connie asks loudly.

Javier chokes mid-drag, and a wicked smirk overtakes her face.

“What,” he croaks, trying desperately not to look guilty.

“Your neighbor,” Connie clarifies. “That’s what you’re thinking about, right?” She looks far too smug with herself.

“Hah,” Javier scoffs, trying to ignore the shivery goosebumps at someone calling you ‘his’. Buying time, he takes another long drag, letting it numb the sting from his cough.

Sometimes he wondered why he let himself get sucked into these coffee chats. They so rarely seemed to go well for him.

“Come on, Javier,” Connie coaxes. “I know there’s something between you two. Do you wanna talk about it?” A genuine offer, not just merciless teasing. She’s managed to wipe most of the mirth from her face, leaving a sympathetic expression behind.

He rubs his thumb along his mustache as he sighs a long stream of smoke from the corner of his mouth. “I don’t know what’s between us,” he finally says. “I’m not- I don’t do relationships.”

He isn’t sure he remembers how to. Nothing about his life here is suited to them- it’s intense, harsh, dangerous. Not to mention his network of CIs, who he pays for sex as well as information.

“Why not?” Connie asks simply.

A glance at her face tells Javier that it’s a serious question. He snorts. Lounging back in his chair, he raises a contemptuous eyebrow at her. “You can’t honestly tell me the DEA lifestyle is helping your marriage.”

Her face tightens, and he feels a pang of guilt. But he resolutely pushes it away- Connie knows who he is, she asked for this conversation- “My marriage isn’t up for discussion here,” she says evenly. “And besides, don’t you think that’s something for her to decide? She knows what you do, she sees you almost every day. She told me she was helping you with something- do you think she’d let herself get close to you if she was scared of your ‘lifestyle’?”

He doesn’t let it show how deeply her word affects him; but like ink dropping into water, he feels a ripple of shock. The change of color as his thoughts cloud, churn with sudden optimism. Because Connie was right, you had helped him- with a fucking secret stab wound, for christ’s sake. You’d already seen the blood and the secrets, understood that his life came with risks- and helped him without further explanation.

Javier brings the cigarette to his lips again without tasting it, unseeing gaze fixed ahead. Possible though it is that you’re not put off by the danger which hounds him, it still doesn’t mean you want to be more than friends. That was what you’d said, right? ‘Friends are a thing people have.’

But there was also what you hadn’t said last night. That- as long as it was for reasons other than feeling like he owed you- he was allowed to want to sleep with you.

Suddenly he slumps forward onto his elbows, sighing. The wrinkles on his forehead ache as he smooths his thumb over them. “I don’t know how close she wants to get,” Javi mumbles. He might be experienced at sex with women, but forming conections based on what was beneath the skin...well, not only was he rusty, but it required a frankly terrifying amount of vulnerability that he wasn’t sure he was up for.

Connie softens. “Listen, Javi, I saw the way she was looking at you during movie night. She’s interested in you, no matter how much you think she does or doesn’t know. Just- see what happens, or…ask her.” With her last words she shrugs matter-of-factly, content to drop the subject now that she’s delivered her thoughts.

His lips twist, the only begrudging acknowledgement he gives as he reflects on this. He picks up his mug and swirls the dregs of the coffee his friend had poured for him- black, like he usually takes it. He takes a sip.

For the first time, he thinks it could use a little sugar.

A/N: Get it, because he needs some of READER’S sugar AYOOOO...I’ll leave now lmao.

Spanish note for the less linguistically inclined: ‘Vecinita’ is the word ‘Vecina’ (Neighbor) plus the suffix ‘-ita’, which is attached to words as a way of describing them as ‘small’. So literally translated it says ‘little (feminine) neighbor’, but! This suffix is also used to say things in an affectionate way, so you could put it on the end of someone’s name (ie Pedrito <3), or on the end of another noun to indicate a nickname. (Disclaimer, I only speak Italian, but it has this same concept, so I think I did it right. Someone pls tell me if I did not). It’s used very casually, so it’s not really as deep as it sounded in Reader and Javi’s moment, but it was deep for Javi okay!!!

The dessert this chapter is named after translates to ‘Gloria pastries’, which according to Google, is a popular Columbian pastry. I have not actually ever encountered one of these personally, but I’ve had all the ingredients individually, so I cannot imagine them not being DELICIOUS all together. Here is a recipe I fully intend to try (it uses mozzarella cheese, but other sources say you can use any plain/white/farmer’s cheese). Guava paste is a really yummy, thick puree (think jam, but thick enough to stay in slab form at room temp) of guava fruit (obvs), which I’ve used in recipes before! I found it in a regular Weis market in central Pennsylvania lmao so I would guess it to be a thing you can find across the US. Arequipe is just another name for dulce de leche. I gotta get me and my sweet tooth to Columbia!!

Fic Taglist: @din-damn-djarin, @thirstworldproblemss, @remembertoreadthese

#javier peña x reader #javier peña x you #narcos fic #narcos #javier peña #pedro pascal #pedro pascal characters #shoutout to my boss for getting sick so I could have the last two days off to finish this #(he's fine tho it's not covid)

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cora-vizsla · 4 years ago

Text

Hypnotic (Taking Over Me) - Chapter 4

Pairing: Eventual Jedi!OC x Sith!Obi Wan Word Count: 7.2 K

Story Rating: E (18+)

Chapter Rating: E due to some sexual themes and I’d rather be safe than sorry.

Warning: Swearing. Threats of violence. Cannon typical violence. They went to a party. There was only one bed. Kissing. Explicitly asking for consent because consent is sexy. Angst. Woo boy is there angst. Talking of unfavorable things that could happen to those kidnapped.

A/N: Please let me know if I missed any warnings!

They sat at the table together, silently eating breakfast. Zara wondered if she should feel bad for sleeping curled up with the Sith. She knew that it was survival but laying together talking for hours wasn’t. The thought of how angry and disgusted Master Windu would be with her actions was making her sick to her stomach.

Anakin often pulled Zara close when it was just the two of them. It felt natural with him since they had been connected since they were children. Nothing about it felt wrong and she told herself doing the same with Obi Wan was different because of who he was.

It didn’t feel different though. Maybe a little more intimate. Anakin didn’t trace the lines on her face or tuck her hair behind her ear. Even when he was physically close to her, there was still a distance. That’s the way it had to be.

That was the Jedi way.

Obi Wan didn’t have any interest in distance. He didn’t have a code telling him that physical closeness or attachment was wrong. There was nothing stopping him from pursuing what he wanted. He didn’t feel guilty because he had nothing to feel guilt over.

Zara almost let herself think that it must be nice. She almost wanted to resent the Jedi order for telling her that something so basic was wrong. She couldn’t let herself think it though. Over and over again, she told herself that the Jedi knew what was best and they were doing good in the galaxy. The light had to prevail. It was just hard to focus on that when the darkness was looking at her so affectionately.

“My master sent word to me today. I am expected at a social function in two days’ time.”

“Oh. How lucky for you. I guess It’s a good thing you have a sizable library. Not much else to do on this frozen tundra of a planet.”

“You could go with me.”

She looked up from her plate and saw he was looking at her intently.

“To a social function? Are you mad?”

“Perhaps a little. Depends on who you ask.”

“I can’t.. aren’t you afraid I’ll escape?”

“Not at all.”

She crossed her arms and sat back, raising her eyebrows at his answer.

“You do think I’m a fool, don’t you?”

He sighed and pushed his plate away gently before leaning forward onto the table.

“It’s self-serving to bring you. I need people to see that my Master is moving towards his goals. I also need my Master to see that I am moving towards my goals.”

“You aren’t.”

“He doesn’t need to know that. In fact, your survival depends on him not knowing that.”

“I still can’t believe you’re okay with lying to your Master.”

“And you’d go back and tell Windu that you were cuddled up to me all night?”

Zara opened her mouth to answer but shut it quickly. She grabbed a piece of her food and shoved it into her mouth to give her time to recover.

“I didn’t think so. Anyway, even though it is self-serving for me, it can also be an opportunity for you.”

“How so?”

“There may be people there that could get a message back to Anakin. That’s what you want, right? To keep him safe?”

“If they’re there as a Separatist, why would they help me? Wouldn’t they just tell your Master?”

“There are spies on both sides, darling. I happen to know a few. If you play along, I will help you get your message to the Skywalker boy.”

“You would do that? Why?”

He sat back and smirked.

“Because as much as I don’t want to turn you, you’re better off without the Jedi. They’re going to find out you were there regardless of what message gets to your friend. So, I guess the real question is, are you willing to risk your position within the Jedi to save Anakin?”

---

Zara followed Obi Wan into a beautiful building on a planet he refused to name. He didn’t make her wear a blindfold on any part of the trip, but there was no way he was going to give her more information than needed. She was wearing one of his black cloaks pulled down to hide her face and hair. Unless someone saw the bottom of her face, it wasn’t even possible to know she was human.

They walked up to a desk, so she kept herself a few paces behind him. There were a lot of moving parts to the entire trip, enough so that it gave her a headache. Once Obi Wan received his information and key, they head up on the lift to the correct floor.

“The event is here in a day. We will stay here until then.”

“Then we will go back to the planet?”

“Yes. Unless something changes.”

The walked down a long hallway until a door opened when he waved the chipped card in front of it. Zara was blown away by how beautiful it was. The windows allowed the natural light to flow through in a way she had never seen. Once the door was shut, she pulled her hood off and marveled at the beautiful architecture and furniture.

“May want to get used to this now. Can’t have them thinking you grew up in a temple.”

“I did grow up in a temple.”

“They don’t need to know that. They don’t need to know a thing about you. No until it’s beneficial.”

She looked over at him and nodded.

“Only one bed. I would offer to sleep on the floor, but the bed is bigger than the blankets we shared by the fire.”

Her face flushed but she nodded. He was right, the bed was huge. She slipped the cloak off and draped it gently over the chair next to her.

“Well, darling, I need to go meet with my Master. I must ask you to stay here. Do not open the door, not that I’ll leave it unlocked anyway, unless it’s the droid with our outfits for tomorrow.”

“Outfits?”

“Did you think you would be wearing a cloak and my robes to a social function?”

“I uh, I guess I never thought about it.”

He chuckled and walked over, pushing her hair back like he loved to do. He looked down at her with a softer version of the smirk he usually wore.

“Try to enjoy yourself. There is a real bath here. I made sure it had all the extras that your Jedi life has never let you experience.”

“Says the man who lived in a small home on a desolate planet.”

“Is it so bad I want to spoil you, sweetheart?”

“I think you need a lesson on how to treat prisoners.”

“Hmm. Perhaps you are right.”

He pressed a kiss to her forehead and turned before she could question him. Once he was gone, she looked around and decided not to indulge in anything. She couldn’t let herself get distracted and forget her mission.

---

Obi Wan returned sometime later and found Zara sleeping peacefully on the bed. She was still wearing the same robes. He sighed, realizing that she didn’t relax short of falling asleep. He moved around quietly until he heard her whimper. When he whipped around, he saw her face twisted up like it had the night he woke her from a nightmare. He knew he should just ask her, but the last time he tried to talk about it, they ended up fighting. Once he reached her, he gently placed his hand on her arm and spoke to her. She jumped awake, grabbing onto his wrist tightly.

“You’re alright, sweetheart. You were just having another nightmare.”

“Stars, you scared me.”

“Sorry. Didn’t want to leave you stuck in whatever is plaguing you.”

“Thanks.”

She sat up and rubbed at her eyes, trying to get the images out of her head.

“How long have you been back?”

“Not very long. It’s just about time to eat. Food should be here shortly. I see you didn’t make use of the luxuries of the room.”

“Didn’t feel right doing so.”

“You can’t show up not looking pampered. You need to care about your appearance for this.”

She sighed and shifted uncomfortably.

“I don’t really know how to do all of that. Up until a few years ago my hair was short. I never cared much about how I looked, just if what I was doing was practical for fighting.”

“That shouldn’t surprise me.”

Obi Wan walked confidently into the bathroom, disappearing behind the wall. Zara watched the doorway listening to the foreign sounds. When he walked back up, he motioned for her to come closer. She stepped into the room and saw a giant tub filled with water and bubbles.

“Have you seen a tub before?”

“Only in books and holovids.”

“Relax for a while. I won’t come in, so you don’t need to worry about being modest. Although once you get in, no one will be able to see any part of you not under the water. Once you are done, there is a robe hanging on the far wall you can use. We don’t have anything to do this evening so take your time and relax. I will let you know when dinner is ready.”

She stood leaning against the counter and looking at everything. The temple wasn’t a slum by any means, but no Jedi that she ever knew had even seen a real bath in person. She looked up when Obi Wan moved directly in front of her, placing his hands on her shoulders.

“I can see your guilt, sweetheart. Calm your mind. This is part of your obligation to pass along a message. I won’t let you go down to the event not looking the part. Don’t make me throw you in there.”

He gave her a soft smile before leaving the room. With a sigh, she pulled her clothes off and slipped into the hot water. Regardless of how she felt, she couldn’t stop the sigh when her body was settled into the heat around her. She slid down to the back of her head was resting on the side.

The water smelled wonderful. It was a far cry from the quick showers she had taken at Obi Wan’s house. Even those made her feel guilty. She didn’t often get to use real water and there she was relaxing in an exuberant amount of it.

“Please don’t feel guilty. Think of it as a form of torture if you must.”

Zara jumped but saw Obi Wans shoulder peeking out from the doorframe.

“Are you sitting by the door?”

“I gave you my word I wouldn’t come in.”

She smiled to herself and relaxed back into the heat.

“It’s hard not to feel guilty.”

“That was one thing I never understood with the Jedi. Why should anyone feel guilt for feeling comfort? Sounds a bit self-righteous to be honest.”

“It isn’t our job to feel comfort. It’s our job to do what we must to protect the galaxy and keep the light strong.”

“How do you know something is light without the darkness?”

“I-“

Not wanting to admit that he was right, Zara fell silent.

“I’m not trying to turn you. I find comfort in the dark especially after everything I’ve been through. Just as much as there is no light without dark, there is no dark without light. I don’t hate the light.”

“Just the Jedi.”

“Yes.”

“Tell me more.”

“What?”

She saw him shift slightly in the doorway out of surprise.

“If I’m going to go with you tomorrow and be around people who don’t like the Jedi or the Republic, I need to know what you think. I doubt a silent meek apprentice is what you would like to present.”

“You wouldn’t.. why don’t you relax for a while and then we can talk?”

“No. How about we talk now. I wouldn’t what?”

He sighed and turned so he was more in the doorway but still had himself facing away from the tub. She sat up, leaning forward so her chest was still covered. She could feel him worried and trying to shove his emotions down.

“Obi Wan, what aren’t you telling me?”

“No one thinks that you are my apprentice. Nor would you be my apprentice were you to come to the dark side. You likely would become a conduit for Anakins passion.”

Zara narrowed her eyes at him as her rage started to build.

“They think that you’re corrupting me so I can become Anakin’s concubine?”

“I think that word is a bit harsh. I’m sure he would call you.. wife or something of the sort.”

“And just how do they think you are corrupting me?”

He carded his hand down his face, stopping to hold onto his well-kept beard.

“Zara, there are people on both sides of the force that have done and will do terrible things. There are others that I know that would not have been so kind or considerate of a beautiful woman being at their mercy. They wouldn’t have taken your feelings or worth as a powerful force user into consideration. You would have been an assignment and one that they would have taken what they wanted from. They certainly wouldn’t be sitting so they couldn’t even look at you to ensure you felt more secure in your surroundings.”

Zara took a few calming breaths, willing herself to focus. The Jedi never spoke much of how women would be treated differently were they to be taken, but she knew the truth of the matter.

“Your Master doesn’t want me as a force user. He wants me as a way to control Anakin.”

“He wanted you dead. I convinced him this would be a better choice.”

“You decided this!?”

“I already told you, I didn’t want to kill you.”

Zara stood up and stepped out of the tub, yanking a towel off the counter. Once she was covered, she stomped over to Obi Wan, who was now standing.

“What exactly about me screams that I will fall victim to any of that? I won’t let your Master hurt Anakin and I sure as hell won’t be part of that manipulation. I am more than being a woman. I am not a body to use or take. I was never insulted when you took me or used my compassion for my men against me. That was smart. However, for any of you to think that I will just parade myself around and let anyone use me for their personal gain is the most insulting thing I have ever heard.”

Obi Wan grabbed her arms tightly, careful not to hurt her, and pressed her up against the wall quickly. He moved so fast she hadn’t even realized it was happening. He caged her in like he had at the house, radiating anger and pain.

“How dare you accuse me of such. Everything I have done thus far has been done to protect you. I brought you to this kriffing event to give you a chance to talk to your precious Anakin.”

“You brought me here to show your master you’re a good boy. Let’s parade around the pretty little Jedi thinking I would fall for a handsome smile and a shred of decency.”

“Even though you are incredibly lucky it is me pinning you to this wall, you’re still pushing your luck sweetheart.”

“You don’t scare me, Veth.”

“I wouldn’t dream of it, Jedi. You see, I know your weaknesses. You wouldn’t be swayed by fear. You’re swayed by emotion. If I wanted to hurt you, I’d just make you feel something with your cold little heart.”

“You could never make me feel anything, Sith!”

He laughed darkly and bent forward, staring directly into her eyes.

“You underestimate me. I’m not your little boy toy Skywalker that would fawn over you and accept when you shut yourself off. You are capable of feeling; of loving. It would just destroy you. You pretend like you’re such a good little Jedi by staying shut off and cold. Just like your Master. Oh, but what better way to break the little knight than to have her on her knees begging for my love.”

“I’d never beg for anything from you. Never. If Anakin, my best friend in the entire galaxy, couldn’t get me to feel that kind of love then how the hell do you think it would be possible for you to accomplish that? I don’t know what happened to you, Veth. I don’t know why your heart is so broken that you fell to the darkness, but don’t presume that I am that weak.”

“Weak? Oh, darling, no. Weakness is clinging to false sentiments of superiority for the sake of seeming infallible. Weakness is pretending like you aren’t human when you very much so are.”

“I will never fall for you, Veth. I will never feel anything for you but contempt and pity.”

His hand snapped up to grab her chin, grinning at her ferally.

“Only a Sith deals in absolutes, darling. Looks like you’re already halfway there.”

Zara snarled and ripped away from him, shoving him back far enough to escape back into the bathroom.

“Hurry up and pull yourself together. It’s almost time to eat. You’ll need your strength if you’re going to keep pretending that you’re better than everyone else.”

---

After begrudgingly eating with Obi Wan, Zara took to sitting on the balcony. She was frustrated and wanting nothing more than to bolt. She knew it wouldn’t end well. The Sith still had her saber and from what she had seen he was incredibly powerful.

She was torn somewhere between hating him and finding comfort in his presence. He was right that most wouldn’t have been as considerate or kind towards her. Not that the bar was very high, not trying to assault her was definitely a plus.

No, there had been times when he was kind to her. He wasn’t just taking from her. He was giving her a chance at accomplishing something that not only meant a lot to her but put him at great risk. There was no denying his darkness, but he was making her question, again, if darkness meant bad.

“I can hear your thoughts all the way in there. You aren’t very good at shielding.”

She jumped slightly when she heard him behind her but quickly calmed.

“Not even trying. No point in it. Why waste the energy.”

“I have not tried to dig into your mind.”

“I know you haven’t. I’m not accusing you of such.”

“Do you shield around Anakin?”

“Yes.”

He hummed and moved forward, sitting in the chair next to hers.

“Why is that?”

“Any time he sees me feeling a certain way he just wants to fix it. It’s easier if he doesn’t know what I’m feeling most of the time.”

“Protecting him even from yourself. Interesting. You do an awful lot for a man you swear you don’t love.”

“I do love him. Just not in the way you’re inferring.”

“Why not? Why can’t you just let yourself feel Zara? I would think letting yourself love someone that is already so dear to you would be safe.”

“There is nothing safe about loving Anakin.”

“Do you mean that? Or is it there is nothing safe about loving in general. You love your men. You love your Jedi. Why can’t you let it go further than that?”

“I’d never be a Master. That is my goal. It’s everything that I want. Nothing is more important to me. Call me foolish all you want; that is what matters to me.”

“Come here.”

Zara looked at him with confusion until he pat his leg. She raised her eyebrows and he laughed motioning for her to move to him. She stood and tentatively walked to him until she was close enough for him to pull her onto his lap.

“In a cycle we will need to act like we are physically close to each other. May as well get used to it now. Treat it like a mission. Let them all think you’re safe to speak to. That’s the only way you’ll get to Anakin.”

She nodded and let herself relax into him. His arm was wrapped tightly around her waist and the other hand was resting lightly on her thigh.

“I don’t say this to hurt you. Keep that in mind, yes?”

She nodded again and watched him carefully.

“Do you really think the Jedi will understand why you came with me? Of all the master’s they have, I can only name one that may accept that the clones are more than an expendable resource. Not only that, but they also can’t be happy about how close you are to Anakin.”

“They aren’t. The only Master that shares my sentiment about the clones to the extent that I do is Master Koon. He sees them as his family.”

“As do you.”

She nodded again giving him a small smile.

“They all mean the world to me. I feel every loss deep in my soul.”

“Do you feel all of them in the force?”

“Yes. Obviously, I can feel force users much more strongly. I feel them though. They’re all so different even though outwardly they look the same. The other Jedi have admitted as much but they’re more concerned with the war.”

“See? You do feel love. You don’t let yourself feel it in a romantic way, but you risked everything for your men and Anakin. You truly think they would let you be a Jedi Master feeling that much compassion?”

“Plo Koon is a Jedi Master.”

“And how serious do they take him? Is he the one making decisions or is he the one sent out on missions?”

“He.. They respect him. He has earned his place within the order. It doesn't matter if he's different than the rest of them.”

“Oh, sweetheart, you truly believe that. Forget being naïve about the Jedi, you’re naïve to even the way the galaxy works. People who are soft don’t make it without being hurt.”

“Is that what happened to you?”

She snapped at him, hoping her words would hurt him. Instead, his face fell as he looked deep into her eyes.

“Yes. That is exactly what happened to me. I loved too deeply and trusted too easily. Now I’m here. Ironically, that’s what brought you to this exact place as well.”

---

“Alright Zara, are you almost ready? We need to make our entrance.”

Zara stepped forward having just finished getting ready. Obi Wan stood in front of her in crisp black clothes that seemed much more suiting for a formal event. His hair was pushed back perfectly, and he had cleaned up his beard. She gave him a soft smile and nodded, running her hands down the skirt of the extravagant dress he had given her to put on.

“I feel rather silly wearing this if I’m being honest.”

Obi Wan appraised her with a small smirk playing on his lips. The dress had been a custom ask of his, ensured that the black would be the exact shade of his own clothes. It plunged down showing off the soft skin between her breasts and just the top of her abdomen. It was tight enough up top she didn’t need to worry about moving and the long sleeves clung to her like it was made for her.

He laughed to himself that it had been made for her.

The dress clung to her hips then flared out, flowing out into multiple layers. He motioned for her to spin so she did slowly, letting him see the way the back was open save of some pieces of fabric that wove together to keep the dress tightly against her. When she faced him again, he reached forward and toyed with her hair that was now curled flowing around her.

“You look stunning, darling. I have one more thing for you though.”

He picked up a box off the small stand near them and opened it, showing the intricate necklace to her. She looked at it and gently touched the stone, pulling her hand back when she felt how strong the force was within in.

“It’s a kyber crystal. I stumbled upon it and thought it would look stunning resting on your chest.”

He pulled it from the box and motioned for her to turn around. When she did, she pulled her hair to the side, allowing him access to the back of her neck. He gently clipped it as it rests against her skin. She inhaled sharply at the power emanating from it as it began to glow.

“It looks.. it looks like..”

He moved closer, pressing himself to her back. He wrapped one arm around her waist, pulling her closer as the other toyed with the crystal on her chest.

“Like what, sweetheart?”

She shut her eyes, desperately trying to calm herself down.

“Oh, darling, don’t act so coy with me. We’ve been together for quite some time now. Do I still take your breath away?”

It occurred to her that he was acting the way that he would need to around everyone else. She told herself that was the only reason he was so close to her. There was no way he would actually want to be. With a deep breath, she willed herself to calm down and melt into him.

“It looks just like your eyes, Lord Veth.”

He hummed and leaned forward, letting his lips graze across her pulse point.

“That’s a good girl. You catch on quickly.”

“Let’s go. We’re already late enough.”

He chuckled and pulled himself from her, putting his arm out for her to take. She placed her hand on his elbow and walked confidently, hoping that there was some way that Anakin could be warned.

---

It was almost too easy for her to act the way she needed to. When they walked into the ballroom, mostly everyone turned to look at them. Obi Wan smirked down at her before turning forward to walk inside. She let her hips sway just a little more and ignored everyone but him.

At least that’s what everyone else thought. Secretly she was looking at everyone around them. It was hard to figure out who was who, but she held tight onto the idea that someone would help her get a message out.

“Lord Veth! It is so good to see you again!”

“The pleasure is mine, I assure you. When Lord Sideous let me know that I would be coming in his stead, I was pleased to know you were running this event.”

“We are happy to have you as our guest of honor. And who is this? This can’t be the pretty little thing Lord Sideous has been telling us about. No wonder why you’ve kept her squirreled away!”

“This is my darling Zara. I have begrudgingly brought her into the public eye. I’ve been so selfish getting to keep her all to myself.”

He hooked his finger playfully under her chin, leaning forward to kiss her cheek. She fluttered her lashes at him and leaned against his arm.

“I don’t blame you! I would keep a woman of her beauty and grace locked away too! Please do let me know if need anything.”

Obi Wan nodded and let Zara towards the focal point of the room. She inwardly grimaced when she noticed that it looked like a throne.

“Just play the game, darling.”

Once he sat down, he took her hand and pulled her closer, helping her sit on his lap sideways. He sat with his legs spread, commanding the room in a way she never could fully understand. Once she was seated on him, she was able to hear him talk without anyone else listening in. His words didn’t exactly match his body language, but she understood what he was doing. She felt clinical in the way she melted into him with his arm wrapped around her waist.

“There is a certain image they expect of me. Play the game and things go correctly.”

“I understand. I guess I know that feeling.”

“Yes, you do. That’s why you’re at ease now. Different game, same moves.”

She noticed that people were looking at the two of them, so she gave him a smile and started toying with the front of his shirt. He focused his attention on her and smirked.

“Hmm, perhaps not though. Unless you often sit on Jedi laps like this. If so, I missed that part of the training.”

“Just doing what I have to, Lord Veth. Tell me, who should I be trying to get a message to?”

“Well, the man who greeted us to begin with I’m sure has already spoken with not only my Master but at least one Jedi Master.”

“Really? Why?”

“He’s wealthy. He wants to ensure that no matter who wins, he stays that way. That is why I used your real name instead of an alias.”

“Wait but.. so, they will know that I am here with you.”

“Sitting on my lap looking rather stricken. A Sith’s arm wrapped around your waist as you toy with the front of his shirt. Oh, how the rumors will spread about you, especially once word gets out that you’re a Jedi Knight. How scandalous.”

She glared at him before plastering a fake smile on her face again.

“As long as I end up getting a message to Anakin, it will be worth it. I know the truth and the counsel will see that.”

“If you say so, darling.”

He pulled her closer and chuckled at the annoyed huff she gave him in return. He toyed with the necklace resting on her skin while he looked out at the crowd. Zara wanted to look at everyone but didn’t want to show how eager she was to find someone else.

“Lord Veth, I am so glad to see you here tonight.”

Zara focused in on the woman standing in front of them. She was pretty and absolutely knew it. She felt Obi Wans thumb rub against her a few times where the mystery woman couldn’t see, and she instantly got the hint.

“Well, hello there. What can I do for you?”

She grinned at him and shot Zara a quick fake smile.

“I was hoping that I would be able to garner your attention for a little while. Unless you’re too busy?”

“Of course not!”

He gently pushed Zara to her feet and stood up, brushing past her. She watched the two of them walk away, the woman instantly all over him. She wasn’t sure what to say or do but she couldn’t imagine that in a genuine situation she would be happy. She caught herself feeling something about the woman being all over him but pushed it away quickly.

Go to the balcony. Make it dramatic. Your contact will find you out there easily.

Zara set her jaw and stormed away from the throne like chair, causing a bit of a scene. Everyone moved out of her way, watching as she flew out of the room. She could feel Obi Wans amusement as she went to the balcony and waited.

---

“Zara? Zara Fross?”

She turned to see a young woman walking towards her. Her dress was on the extravagant side, but it seemed to suit her.

“Yes.”

“I thought that was you. My name is Padme, though you may know me as Senator Amidala.”

“What is a fierce proponent for the Republic doing at a Separatist sympathizers party?”

“I am from Naboo. We tend to have the luxury of being trusted by many. It allows me to get information others may not have access to.”

Zara turned back towards the balcony, looking out at the nature around them. Padme joined her, allowing both of them to speak without anyone seeing their faces.

“You don’t need to dance around me, Senator. I didn’t betray the council.”

“I was rather surprised when I saw you here. Everyone is on high alert with you being gone.”

“Would it be safe to send you with a message?”

“Of course. I can go directly to the Jedi Council.”

“Lord Veth took me when he threatened killing my entire team. Whoever his master is, he wants Anakin Skywalker. They must keep him on the straight path and in the light. I need him to understand that I didn’t leave him. I didn’t take off. I’m doing this to keep him safe and the moment I can get back I will.”

“Is he hurting you?”

“No. He’s.. surprisingly fair. Right now, Anakin is in much more danger than I am.”

Zara looked down when Padme placed her hand on hers.

“Are you sure there isn’t more I can do? Have you gotten any information that could help?”

Zara hesitated but shook her head.

“No. You’re doing more than enough. Thank you.”

“Please stay safe, General Fross.”

They both turned when footsteps rang out. Obi Wan was giving Zara a feral smile and Padme visibly tensed.

“Senator Amidala! Thank you so much for keeping my little dove company.”

“Lord Veth. If you’ll excuse me.”

He watched Padme walk past him before stepping forward, tracing his fingers across her jawline.

“Did you accomplish your mission, sweetheart?

“Surprised to see you out here so soon. Figured you would have made use of the room.”

“Oh, dear are you jealous?”

She scoffed and crossed her arms.

“What in the makers name would I have to be jealous over? You’re the one who told me to come out here.”

“I did. I didn’t expect you to be so vexed when I left with her though.”

“Vexed? I was just standing there. Who you spend your time with hardly concerns me. I’ve accomplished what I came here to do. Nothing else matters.”

“You’re so cute when you lie to yourself.”

“Stars you’re insufferable sometimes, Obi Wan.”

“I’m not the one calling you by a different name when we’re alone.”

“What?”

“You could have called me Obi Wan. You very easily could have alerted the council as to who I am. Yet you didn’t. You didn’t correct her when she called me Lord Veth.”

“That’s who you are.”

“Yet you know the council wants to know my true identity. I had already prepared for you telling them. You can lie to yourself all you want, Zara. I see right through all of it.”

“There is nothing to see through.”

“Look me right in the eyes and tell me that you feel absolutely nothing for me.”

She stepped forward and glared.

“I feel nothing for you.”

“Liar.”

“Go find someone else to bother. I won’t fawn over you like the other women will. Actually, why don’t I just go now? You can have the room all to yourself and do whatever and whoever you want.”

“You aren’t going anywhere without me.”

Zara started walking past him to head back inside. Obi Wan grabbed her arm and spun her back to him. She gasped when she crashed into him and his arms wrapped around her.

“How rude you are, little Jedi. I risk myself for you and this is how you repay me? What are you so afraid of, little dove?”

“I’m afraid of nothing.”

Zara shrugged out of his arms and took a step back, trying to get distance between the two of them. Obi Wan didn’t let it happen. With every step back, he took one forward. Zara gasped when her back met the wall and Obi Wan pressed himself against her. Her ran his finger across her jaw and looked into her eyes.

“You are afraid of me, darling. You’re terrified of me. You’re terrified of how my kindness makes you feel. You’re so afraid you’re unable to admit how much your body sings when I touch you. I can see your wall being thrown up the moment I get close. Why is that?”

“Y-you’re vile.”

“Perhaps. At least I’m not a liar.”

“I’m not a liar, Veth.”

“No? Prove it to me.”

“How the hell can I prove that to you?”

“Let me kiss you. If you feel absolutely nothing when I do, I’ll leave you alone. If you can truthfully look me in the eyes and tell me that you felt nothing, I’ll believe you. Your honor is important to you. Let’s see how strong that conviction is.”

Zara set her jaw and forced her breath to stay steady. She chanted over and over that he meant nothing and there was no way she could ever feel anything but contempt towards him. He was the enemy. A Sith! She finally nodded once, and he chuckled deeply.

“Do I have your consent, Zara?”

She nodded and he shook his head.

“Use your words, love.”

“Yes.”

“Yes?”

“Stars, Obi Wan. Yes, you have my consent to kiss me.”

“Good girl.”

He leaned forward and pressed his lips to hers. She had heard of the idea of sparks but thought it was all bullshit. It had to be bullshit. There was no way that this Sith pressing his lips to hers was stealing her breath. She refused to admit that when he cupped the side of her face and deepened the kiss, her body melted into his. It couldn’t be possible that the smallest airiest moan was swallowed up by his all-consuming presence and touch.

He was right though. Her honor and pride couldn’t let her lie. She could lie to herself and hold herself back all day any day. But looking him in the eyes and telling him that she felt nothing would have been a lie. When he pulled his mouth away, he kept it close to hers. His breath fanned out across her face and he was breathing just as hard as she was.

“Tell me you feel nothing. Tell me that not even one part of you enjoyed that. Tell me you don’t feel a damn thing, Zara.”

“I.. I can’t do that. Even if I wanted to lie to you.. I respect you, Obi Wan. I respect you enough that I barely even hate you.”

“There is a very thin line between love and hate, Zara. And either mean that you feel something.”

“Do you ever shut up?”

“Yes.”

He crashed his lips against hers again with much more enthusiasm. She wrapped her arms around his shoulders and ran her fingers through his hair. She inhaled sharply when his hands tightened on her hips as he pressed himself against her. Right when she was beginning to forget who she was kissing and whose hands were holding her so tightly, she heard her name.

“Zara?”

Obi Wan kept himself pressed against her but broke the kiss to look over his shoulder with a feral smirk.

“Seems like we have an audience, darling.”

He shifted his body just enough that Zara could see a very confused Anakin looking at her.

“What the hell are you doing to her? Get away from her!”

“I can assure you, Anakin, I had consent. What is it with Jedi and thinking I’m that uncivilized?”

He turned so he was facing Anakin but still partially shielding Zara. She wanted to push him aside, but she saw what he was looking at. Her best friend was clutching his saber so tightly he was shaking. She wouldn’t trust any enemy that tense either.

“Anakin, how did you find me?”

“I’ve been searching for you for days! I was told that this Veth would be here.”

“Does the counsel know you’re here?”

“Of course not. They told me to stand down.”

Zara stepped forward and Obi Wan grabbed her wrist, stopping her.

“It’s okay. He isn’t going to hurt me.”

“Remember our agreement, Jedi.”

She nodded so he let her go. She took another step forward and Anakin scowled at them.

“Agreement? What the hell is this. Do you know how hard it was to get this information? Then I show up and he’s.. what were you doing!?”

“Anakin, listen to me. You are in danger. I need you to-“

“Answer me!”

Zara took another step forward, only for Anakin to step backwards.

“Anakin. I came here to get a message to you. I told Senator Amidala what is going on so she could tell the counsel. You are in danger. You must listen to counsel. Please.”

“Why should I listen to a word you have to say? I’ve been sick with worry for you. Did he even take you or are you here because you want to be?”

“Of course, he took me! He threatened to kill my men.”

“You’re more valuable than a bunch of-“

“Don’t you dare say it, Anakin. Don’t you dare say that their lives don’t matter. You know how much it hurts me when they hurt. You know me.”

“Do I? Do I actually know you? You gave yourself over to this filth to save clones. Then I show up and you’re dressed like some escort to this Sith? You hardly look like you’re captive to me.”

“How dare you. You’ve known me since I was a child. How could you think so low of me?”

“What am I supposed to think! He just had his tongue shoved down your throat!”

“How crass.”

Zara glanced over at Obi Wan who had his arms crossed, looking bored.

“What? It was. Hardly a way to talk to a woman let alone his friend. You deserve better than him, darling.”

“Shut up! What right do you have to say anything to her or me?”

“Don’t be rude, Ani. You’ve always been quite the little shit.”

“You don’t know me.”

“Oh, but I do. I know how you cried for your mum instead of being grateful for the chance to be more than a slave. I know how you whined every time you had to do anything. You’ve always been an insufferable little brat and that has not changed.”

“Who the hell-“

“Obi Wan, stop. You aren’t making anything better.”

Anakin had a look of horror wash over his face as he stared at the Sith.

“Obi Wan? No. No you died.”

“I obviously did not. Not that it mattered. The Jedi got their chosen one. I hardly mattered after that.”

He stood up taller and reached his hand out for Zara.

“I’ve grown bored of this uncivilized arguing. We are needed inside. Let’s go, darling.”

“She isn’t going anywhere with you!”

“Oh, she is. She gave me her word. Isn’t that right, Zara?”

She looked between the two and finally settled on Anakin.

“He’s right. I gave him my word. I am only here because I knew I’d be able to get a message to you. That was my mission. Go back to the counsel, Anakin. I can’t go with you. Not.. not right now.”

“Unbelievable. You’re choosing him over me?”

“I’m doing all of this for you, Ani. Listen to Padme. Listen to the counsel. Please.”

“I’ll never forgive you for this, Zara. You’ve betrayed everything you stand for.”

She turned and heard Anakin jump from the balcony. She gritted her teeth and waited for Obi Wan to lead her back inside.

“Do you need a minute?”

“No. You kept your word. Now I will keep mine.”

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komaedaslove · 4 years ago

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do it for her, a sasha braus x reader

jenna's fics ¡ in which you keep your pronise

warnings: aot s4 ep 8 spoilers, death, loss, grieving/mourning death, denial (i think), it's overall quite sad

genre: some fluff, mainly just angst. however you want to view it

pairing: sasha braus x reader (platonic, but view it how you wish)

extra notes: there aren't any pronouns i use for the reader, however the reader does share a room with mikasa and sasha, but that's it mmm yes.

i listened to this (and some sad queen and freddie mercury songs) while writing this

it had taken a bit of begging from sasha, but she managed to get you out of bed at 1 in the morning. excitedly telling you about how she had stolen some meat and wanted you to go outside and eat it with her. you'd disagreed at first, your main concern being captain levi finding out, but the brunette was insistent. telling you she'll take all the blame if levi saw you two.

you knew that was absolute bullshit, but you were really hungry. so you agreed, sasha excitedly clapping and dragging the blanket off of you. she'd tried to get mikasa to go with too, but the girl remained stoic faced, shaking her head and going back to sleep.

that's how you ended up here, sitting on the grass with sasha, eating meat. at past one in the morning.

"sasha, do you ever think this will end?"

the brunette cocked her head to the side at your words, cheeks puffed up with meat and brows furrowed. “y/n! this isn’t the time to get all sad please, i really just wanna enjoy my meat,” she replied with a whine, mouth still full as she spoke. you sighed, rolling your eyes as you picked up another slice of meat. “can i be serious with you for once sash? and jesus close your mouth when you eat. you look like a fucking titan.” she narrowed her eyes at you , opening her mouth even wider as she chewed.

“you’re really killing the mood y/n, pretty sure even mikasa wouldn’t have asked me stuff like this,” she said, and with that sasha swallowed down the remainder of food in her mouth and fell down onto her back with a groan. she turned her head to look up at you, a frown on her face as she clutched her stomach. “my stomach hurts y/n, you’ll have to carry me back inside!”

“that’s what happens when you eat so damn fast and so much at once! you’ll have to crawl your way back. hopefully levi doesn’t wake up and see you crawling across the grass from the window or something.” you joked, giggling at the way her eyes widened at your statement. “he’ll skin me y/n! y/n please!” you ignored her pleas and stood up, dusting off your pants. before you could even start making your way back inside though, you felt sasha’s two arms wrap around your legs, pulling her body upwards and holding tightly onto you. “please y/n! do you want captain levi to skin me alive? do you? he’ll probably find some way to make me titan fodder! is that what you want?” she shook your legs and gripped onto you even tighter as she pleaded.

you weren’t actually gonna leave here there to crawl by herself, you knew this was gonna end up with you piggybacking her back inside, but it was a little funny to see her beg you to not let ‘levi skin her’.

“fine fine, just grab the plate and hop on my back,” in almost an instant, she unwrapped her arms from your legs and scrambled to grab the plate, waiting for you to get into position before she hopped onto your back, wrapping her arms and legs tightly around you.

“thank you y/n!” she adjusted herself better onto your back laying her head down with a content sigh. you started walking, holding tightly onto the brunette, she wasn’t heavy at all. you’d carried and flown around with odm gear so much by now that this was really easy for you.

most of the rest of the walk back was fairly silent, and halfway there you could hear sasha’s breathing slow. she was already beginning to doze off. you shook her slightly on your back to keep her awake. you didn’t want her to fall asleep and drop the plate, then you’d have a real huge problem and levi would quite literally skin you both alive.

after a bit of walking you had finally made it to your shared room, sasha slipped off your back quietly, and as you closed the door behind you you breathed out a sigh of relief that no one had seen or heard you two. captain levi would’ve made you run laps right then and there if he did.

you set the plate down next to your bed, making a mental note to take it with you in the morning and wash it out before levi could question you. ‘’sasha don’t forget we have to-” you started, but immediately stopped when you saw that the brunette was already sleeping, her legs hanging off of the bed and face planted into the pillow. you giggled, one thing about sasha was she was that just as much as she loved to eat, she loved to sleep. you were sure that if she had the option she would probably sleep the entire day, only waking up to eat something before trotting off to bed again.

with a quick stretch of your arms you walked over to sasha’s bed, taking off her shoes and moving the sleeping girl’s legs onto the bed. she shifted slightly, mumbling something in her sleep as you pulled the blanket at the edge of the bed over her.

you turned around, just about ready to get into bed and sleep away what little time you still had to do so, but a soft tug and your sleeve stopped you.

you turned back around, humming in response. sasha’s eyes were still closed but now there was a lazy grin on her face, she tugged you forward, beckoning you to come closer. amused by the sleepy girls actions you obliged, leaning forward till you were close enough for her to whisper into your ear.

“one day y/n, i wanna have a picnic with you. a real one. outside these walls. with all those nice things we had when we visited historia, remember? promise me we’ll do that. you have to promise,” she sleepily slurred her words, but you could still perfectly understand what she was saying, and with a small giggle and a nod of your head, you smiled. you weren’t sure when this hell was ever gonna end, or if it was at all, but sasha’s words gave you the tiniest bit of hope. a rather small glimmer of light at the end of this tunnel, but it was still there. and for the first time in what felt like a really long time, you felt happy. like there was nothing else that you had to worry about, you could be truly happy with no other worries for just this moment.

you couldn’t actually remember how you had ever lived before all of this. was there a time when you actually didn’t have to worry about titans, or about whether or whether not you and your friends and comrades would live another day? probably, when you were really young maybe, but again you couldn’t remember.

but right now you got that feeling, that carefree happiness, you weren’t entirely sure how just a few words from sasha did, but you were thankful for it. and you knew you just had to keep this promise, as trivial as it was you wanted that picnic outside of these walls with sasha someday. and you were gonna have it.

“i promise,"

“sasha i know its not what you wanted. but its the best i could do,”

two plates were layed out on the ground, each filled with as much food as you could get your hands on. it wasn’t all of the nice things you’d had when you visited historia, but it was the best you could do.

it felt like decades ago when you made that promise, and thinking back on it now you realize how childish it was. were you so filled with hope back then that you actually made promises like this and wholeheartedly believed it would come true? you don’t actually remember, but you did wish you could still have that hope now today. you envied your younger self for it, for being able to have that carefree happiness you were absolutely sure you would never have again in whatever little time you still had left in your life. your light was gone now, and how naive you were for ever for a second believing you could hold on to that light forever. just like everything in this world-no, in this hell, it came to an end. and maybe if you accepted that fact a long time ago you wouldn’t be where you were now, doing what you were doing.

finding some way to cling onto that light-to cling onto her.

you’d told everyone else about your promise, it was a little embarressing to say the least, speaking about something so childish with tears running down your cheeks. you’d also told them the full story, including how she had stolen meat and you had snuck outside in the early hours of the morning to eat it-much to levi’s dismay.

but no one questioned you, not even a little bit. infact, conny had done something similar, he had the habit of filling a plate of food for her at dinner or in the mornings, setting the plate next to him. everyone knew not to sit there, not to question it, because on the inside we were all hoping she would come and sit there. wolfing down her food and complaining after about how hungry she was. you didn’t realize you would ever miss that as much as you did right now.

“armin gave me this seashell from outside the walls, i can’t really go outside the walls right now, there’s not really a way to take you with me, so hopefully this makes up for it. we can pretend like we’re sitting on the beach,” you held up the seashell, showing it off before you set it down on the ground near your plates. you were talking really loudly, but you didn’t actually notice, it was like a part of you wanted to make absolutely sure she could hear you.

“let’s eat!”

you ate in silence, you weren’t hungry, not at all. your appetite was completely gone. she would probably be asking for your food right now, saying she was done with hers and that she was still really hungry. then you would look at her for a long time, staring into her pleading eyes with a stoic expression before you brought the food to your mouth and ate it, trying to maintain your serious expression as she groaned about how mean you were for that.

how you wished she was here.

once you were done eating you pushed your plate to the side, moving her untouched one as well. you sat up onto your knees, crawling over to the headstone and turning around to put your back to it.

“now its like i’m giving you a piggyback ride, right sash?”

silently, tears rolled down your cheeks again, the salty liquid dropping onto the ground and dissapearing into the earth. you tugged your knees up to your chest, hugging them as you buried your head into your knees. you weren’t sure when, but you started sobbing, cries muffled by your legs as you gripped even tighter onto your legs. you just wanted to hold her, you just wanted her here,

your light was gone, whatever hope you still had in you left the second she did.

after a while you lifted your head up, tear stained face facing up towards the sky. you laughed. with whatever energy you had left in you to do so, you laughed and smiled as you looked up at the sky. up into the clouds. up into where sasha was. she would want you to smile, to laugh, you remembered that night again, where she told you not to say such sad things when she was trying to enjoy her meat. she would’ve said the same thing now. so you forced out that laugh, forced out that smile. for sasha.

“i kept my promise sasha,”

hopefully, she heard you.

#attack on titan #shingeki no kyoujin fanfiction #shingeki no spoilers #attack on titan spoilers #attack on titan spoilers season four #attack on titan x reader #sasha braus #sasha braus x reader #eren yeager #levi ackerman #mikasa #armin

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howtosingit · 4 years ago

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SNEAK PEEK: Next to You (That’s Where I Want to Be) - Chapter Seven: February | Bewitched, Body and Soul

Hello, friends! I know that it has been 7 weeks but who’s counting a long time since I updated this fic, and I have no excuse other than the fact that my writing muse has been off hibernating while my brain went “let’s freak out about the show airing and care about literally nothing else.” So fun!

I’m slowly finding my way back into the groove of writing, but I don’t want to keep you all waiting any longer for some content from this AU, so here is the entire first scene of the next chapter! Thank you for your patience, your kudos, and your support, and I hope you enjoy this little taste of what’s to come 🤗

(If you have no idea what I’m talking about but find yourself intrigued, check out the fic masterpost to read the first six chapters!)

SNEAK PEEK (2.2K) UNDER THE CUT...

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“Why is it completely impossible to find a decent man around here?”

Carlos glances up from the book in front of him to find Michelle standing at his side, glaring down at her phone as she swipes through something on the screen.

“‘Around here’ as in… the library?” he teases, gesturing past the desk in front of him and out towards the third floor study area. Since it’s still pretty early in the semester, the couches and tables aren’t filled the way they will be next month for midterms. Carlos likes working the checkout desk when it’s not as busy; it gives him more time to keep up with his own reading for class.

“What?” Michelle asks, looking up from her phone to glance around the space. “No, not the library, Carlos.” She shakes her phone, letting out a frustrated groan before tossing it down on the desk in front of her. “I’m serious, there are no decent men left in the world.”

“Well, hey-”

“Straight men, Carlos.”

“Ah,” he says, pressing his lips together to keep from laughing. After a few years, he’s very familiar with Michelle’s tragically complex dating history, so he knows to just go with her on this one. “I can’t really speak to that, sorry,” he adds unhelpfully.

“Yeah, yeah, Mister ‘I’m so in love with my boyfriend I make everyone around me want to puke’,” she scoffs, rolling her eyes as she shuffles through a stack of returned books on the cart nearby. “We can’t all just accidentally move in with our soulmates like you did.”

Carlos feels heat on the back of his neck, but he also can’t stop the smile that pulls at his lips, or the way an image of his roommate flashes through his mind. He feels like he’s been wearing an unbreakable smile for the past three weeks, and he refuses to be embarrassed about it.

Because TK Strand is his boyfriend, and it’s honestly everything he’s ever wanted.

It’s a little crazy how easily they’ve fallen into their new relationship, but in hindsight, Carlos realizes it’s not that surprising. For the past six months, they’ve formed a bond unlike any he’s ever known. TK is the person that he wakes up to - even though their beds are on opposite sides of the room - and falls asleep talking to. He’s the person that Carlos seeks out when he’s stressed or excited or just wants someone nearby. They talk about anything and everything, they laugh until their stomachs hurt, they cry while watching movies together. There is nothing that stands between them now; no walls, no fears, no ex-boyfriends. To Carlos, they sometimes feel like two sides of the same coin, while also somehow still being their own individual coins. It doesn’t really make sense when he tries to understand it, but it overwhelms him in the best possible way.

He knows that Michelle is happy for him, even though she likes to joke about how disgusting and in-love he is right now. But, that still didn’t stop her from giving him a bone-crushing hug when he first told her, his face as red as a firetruck when she affectionately whispered “I told you so, Carlos” in his ear before planting a kiss on his cheek.

In his “honeymoon period” - as his friends have taken to calling his current state of being - he can’t even be mad that she was right.

He’s pulled from his thoughts when Michelle’s phone dings on the desk next to him, her answering growl at the message causing his brows to furrow and his lips to pull downward into a frown. “What’s this about, ‘Chelle’?” he asks, preparing himself for one of her classic tirades.

“I don’t understand why guys have to get so cagey and weird about Valentine’s Day plans,” she begins, her lips pursed in annoyance as she continues to glare down at her phone. “Like, I’m not trying to coerce you into a date on this one freaking day just so that you feel obligated to marry me and give me children one day, you know? I just want chocolate and wine and some good sex! Why does that have to be such a thing?”

Carlos stares at her, trying to figure out how to respond. To be honest, he’s never really seen the point of Valentine’s Day. Sure, he absolutely loves romance - he used to dream about finding his fairytale prince, after all - but he’s never really seen the point in fixating on one day when real romance happens every day. He feels like a lot of people bottle up all of their grand gestures for a few major holidays, but forget to make simple gestures the rest of the year, and he’s never really understood that. It doesn’t help that he’s never had a person to share one of those holidays with, but as he sits and listens to Michelle, he realizes that that’s no longer true.

That thought causes something resembling fear to settle at the bottom of his stomach. For the first time in his admittedly short relationship with TK, he feels wildly unprepared.

He shakes himself out of his thoughts, determined to leave his stressing out about it until later. Right now, it’s Michelle’s turn.

“I mean, did you tell them that?” Carlos asks, gesturing to the phone when Michelle just stares at him. “The person you’re talking to?” he clarifies.

“Yeah, but he’s just being an ass now,” she scoffs, tossing her phone down again. She starts pacing behind him. “Talking about how he doesn’t ‘know if he’s free’ or how he ‘might already have plans, so he has to check and let me know later.’ Like, he’s obviously pretty careful about making plans on Valentine’s Day, so he totally knows if he already has them or not!” She’s rubbing tiredly at her face when the phone behind her rings and Carlos watches as she throws her hands up in frustration before moving to answer it. “Whatever, I’ll just buy my own chocolate and wine and spend the night at home. Who needs a man to have great sex anyway?”

Carlos is saved from answering when Michelle picks up the phone, all traces of frustration disappearing from her voice as she speaks to the other person on the line. With a shake of his head, he turns back to the front of the desk, adjusting his glasses as he finds his place in his book once again.

He makes it through a few more chapters before he’s once again interrupted, this time by the soft rapping of knuckles on the counter in front of him. He jumps slightly, pulled from his pages as a wide smile takes over his face when he looks up to find his boyfriend leaning against the desk just off to his left, staring at him with a soft smile. “Hey, you,” TK says, his face resting on his palm as it rests on the counter.

“Hi,” Carlos whispers back, and he knows that if he could look in a mirror right now, his eyes would be squinty from the way his smile takes over his entire face. He can’t help it, he’s always just really, really happy when he gets to see TK. “How long have you been standing there?”

“Not too long,” TK answers, sliding along the counter until they’re directly in front of one another. “When I came up, your face was all scrunched as you were reading, and I didn’t want to disturb you.”

Carlos clearly hears what he’s not saying - I just wanted to look at you - and his heart starts somersaulting in his chest. He bites down on his bottom lip, hesitating for only a moment, before he stands from his chair to lean over the desk and press a gentle kiss to TK’s lips.

“I like it when you disturb me,” he says when they part.

“And I like it when you kiss me,” TK says, glancing down at Carlos’s lips before staring up at him, his green eyes wide and beautiful as a faint blush covers his cheeks. With a lovestruck sigh, Carlos leans forward again, unable to help himself. This time, he lets the tip of his tongue peek out between his lips, hoping just a little taste of TK will keep him satisfied until he’s done with his shift.

TK groans when he pulls away again, trying to chase Carlos’s mouth but finding himself blocked by the desk between them. “Why do you have to be working right now?” he complains, his bottom lip jutting out.

“Stick around a little longer and I might not have to work at all,” Carlos teases, reaching out to run his thumb along TK’s pronounced lip. “You’re going to get me fired for inappropriate workplace behavior.”

“Now, wait a minute!” TK cries, stepping away from Carlos’s touch and crossing his arms over his chest. “I just came by to check out my favorite librarian, sir. You’re the one who can’t keep his hands to himself.”

Carlos rolls his eyes at his boyfriend, but he can’t stop the smile that appears on his face to mirror the one on TK’s, the man obviously pleased with his own joke. It makes Carlos want to take on the world for him, just to see him smile like that every minute of every day.

“I find it hard to focus when you’re around,” he admits, shaking his head as he looks around them. It’s still early in the afternoon, so there are very few people in the study area, and only a couple passing through. He glances behind him to see that Michelle has disappeared, probably to fulfill an archives request or something. “You think I’d be used to it by now,” he continues, picking at his fingers as he avoids eye contact with TK, “but I don’t know that I’ll ever be.”

“Hey,” TK says softly, reaching out for him. Carlos immediately takes his hand, linking their fingers together and laying them on top of the desk. TK’s thumb drags against his skin, and he feels little bursts of electricity on every one of his nerve endings. “You know I feel the same way, right?” his boyfriend asks, ducking his head to make eye contact. “Like, I think 98% of what goes on up here is just Carlos Carlos Carlos all the time, on a constant loop,” he says, gesturing to his head with a sardonic smile.

“Especially when you’re wearing those glasses and scrunching your face about something in one of your books,” TK adds on, lifting his free hand to trace along Carlos’s eyebrows. “I’ve had endless dreams about this crease between your eyes, it’s really beyond ridiculous.”

Carlos shivers when TK adjusts his glasses on his face, running his fingers along the edge of the frames as his eyes slide around to take in his features. It’s exhilarating, terrifying, and somehow affirming all at the same time, to be admired by the man before him.

They’re really doing this, the two of them. They’re falling in love, and it’s just as easy as breathing.

“We really are disgusting, aren’t we?” he jokes, parroting the claims made by all of their friends in the past few weeks.

“Oh, totally, without question,” TK nods, his eyebrows scrunching adorably as he lets out a laugh. “I would definitely want to punch us if we were other people.”

“I’m glad we’re not though. Other people. I’m glad we’re us.”

“Damn it, Carlos,” TK whines, dramatically folding himself in half as he pushes away from the desk like someone’s forcing him to do so, “I really am going to get you fired if you say things like that to my face.”

Carlos doesn’t respond, watching as TK glares at him for a moment before his smile breaks through. With a shake of his head, he dives back towards him, pressing a hard kiss to his lips. Before Carlos can even remember to kiss back, he pulls away again.

“Okay, I’m taking control of this situation,” TK says, shaking his head when Carlos raises his eyebrow in question. “Nope, stop it, put that eyebrow down and stop looking adorable, Reyes.” TK begins to slowly walk backwards away from the desk, a new look of determination on his face. “I’m going to go downstairs to get you a juice, and then I’m going to go sit in that chair furthest from this desk and study until you’re done.”

He looks proud of his new plan, clapping his hands together in triumph as a ridiculous grin takes over his face.

“And then what?” Carlos can’t help but tease, his tone challenging.

“And then,” TK fires back, his grin transforming into a smirk, “you and I are going back to our room and we are definitely not going to get any studying done whatsoever. How does that sound?”

Carlos lets himself have this moment, lets himself feel the way his body and soul comes alive as he looks at the man in front of him. The man of his dreams, now the man of his reality.

“Perfect,” he finally says, unable to hear it over the pounding of his heart.

Every moment with TK sounds more perfect than the last.

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#tarlos #tarlos fic #carlos reyes #tk strand #about my writing #next to you fic #sneak peek #this is basically like a one-shot #so that's fun #also rafa's picture from this morning provided some really great motivation #what can I say? - I love seeing that man in glasses #so everyone thank rafael silva - for this and everything else he does

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