#when people ask me why I’m so nervous all the time about exams it’s because of the common denominator between both these events and more

[kavehater]

Noor realisation hours omg

Stop I just saw a TikTok on ocd and I am in no way self diagnosing but when I was younger I had so many tendencies like religious ocd. I’d always be panicking and doing these excessive repeated behaviours like prayer because I would always feel like I would do it wrong and that it’s always wrong but the most horrible part is that it would look absolutely absurd to the outsider and my parents would laugh and make fun of me while I was in the middle of panicking about me messing up each prayer. I believe the tendency has died down but it’s morphed into other things. I can never describe how horrible and debilitating it was like if I missed group prayer in fajr I would sob and sob and sob so hard prayer was always such a difficult task because of this.

And the fact that now if I miss prayer cause for eg I had uni and my dad would say meh meh meh in the past you would sob if you missed prayer is the most meanest thing to say because how dare you say that past is good I was literally being tortured and YOU were laughing at me as I was sitting there in panic you’re so mean

I think it’s better to miss prayer than to experience that again. It’s like asking would you rather be sick or healthy but late DUH YOU PICK THE HEALTHY BUT LATE OBVIOUSLY

[omgeto]

☆ WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH YOUR PROFESSOR — NANAMI, TOJI, GETO, GOJO.

summary: you have sex with your professor. for many different reasons.

wc: 4.2k (each of these were meant to be 500 words long so idk what happened)

cw: smutty smut afab!reader who's in university, mutual masturbation, spanking, semi public sex, toji is not a professor but a gym coach who rails you in a supply closet, but theres a lot of sex on a lot of desks so mdni.

an: theres actually a smidge of plot in this just a tiny bit if you do a deep squint, but the smut id personally say is my best yet. so give it a chance people, but come for the smut stay for the dialogue. hope you enjoy! not proofread ignore mistakes pls

☆ NANAMI

nanami kento, was the strictest teacher you have ever had. you couldn’t get away with your usual tricks that you did with some of your other professors — strutting past their office during office hours in your skimpiest clothes to get a better grade. it was as if nanami was immune to all your devices.

but with a big exam coming up, you knew you had to make something happen since studying was not your forte. so you were prepared to do anything to get that A.

“come in," his deep voice calls from inside.

as you enter his office, you are met with the sight of your professor, his glasses perched on the bridge of his nose, reviewing a stack of papers. he glances up at you briefly before returning his attention to his work.

"what can I help you with?" he ask, his tone professional.

“i wanted to see if we could talk about the exam you set for us tomorrow,” you start to say, his eyes still focused on his papers, not sparing you a glance. “i was thinking we could figure out a way for me to get extra credit… sir.” 

you had his attention now. technically you’ve always had his attention — yes nanami was different to all the other professors you’ve ever had but that doesn’t mean he wasn’t a man at the end of the day. 

he always noticed the way you’d sit in his classroom, your pouty mouth always gnawing at your pencil as you never had a clue what was going on. nanami always had to hide his dick feeling tight in his trousers whenever you walk into his classroom. little did you know that you actually would’ve failed his class a long time ago, but because he just couldn’t let go of the sight of how your pretty tits bounce everytime you raise your hand, he always made you pass. 

“well what are you willing to do for that extra credit?” he says, his tone slightly amused.

“whatever you want” you respond a bit too eagerly, you were coming onto him hard. but it was working, you could already see the crack in his usual stoic facade. “c’mon professor nanami, i need to pass this class,” you practically beg. 

“oh yeah, you definitely need to pass this exam, you’re one more failed exam to flunking my whole class,” he affirms — lying through his teeth. “so i think you should come sit up here, and show me what you’re willing to do huh.”

suddenly, you start to feel nervous. usually you’d have control of the situation, you’d flaunt your ass, fuck your teacher and get an A, easily. but this time, you could see in nanami’s eyes that from when you entered his office — that he was running the show.

you saunter over his desk, and he pushes his seat back allowing you to have room to perch on his desk in front of him. “take off your shirt,” he commands, and you’re quick to fling off your top — that was barely covering anything anyways, “wow no bra, why am i not surprised.” he stares at your hardened nipples smirking as he continues to say, “you know i see your nipples peeking at me through your shit all the time in class.”

“really?” you question coyly.

“you don’t think i see how you practically fuck yourself in your seat when i’m doing a reading,” he continues, his arms folding as if he was telling you off, “a bit disrespectful, right?”

“no i-it’s just i really like the sound of your voice,” you stammer, embarrassed at him calling you out. you couldn’t deny that your professor was hot, everybody thought so and you hated school the only thing that got you through your classes was your day dreams of him fucking you.

“oh really, well i wanna see you get off to it for real this time.”

“wha—”

“touch yourself,” he demands with a grin, “fuck yourself on your fingers, put on a show for me,” he loosens his tie, and unbuttons his cuffs, ready to watch you perform for him, “and if you do well, then we could talk about your extra credit.”

you take off your pants, your hands moving directly to your throbbing pussy — since of course you had no panties on. you press your thumb down on your clit as your fingers work their way into your cunt. you were already soaked, just from hearing your professor speak to you, so it was easy to slide your digits in and out of you. 

nanami’s grin grows wider, loving the way your work your pussy,  “you not gonna play with your tits?” and you take his hint, your other hand sliding up to cup one of your boobs, your fingers pinching and pulling at your nipples. “good girl,” he praises.

you add another finger inside of you, writhing down hard on his desk against your digits. you quicken your pace, rubbing your thumb vigorously against your clit. his gaze on you served as an encouragement, your ultimate goal was shifted, at this point you didn’t care whether he passed or failed you — you just wanted to put on a good show for him.

“you gonna cum for me?” he taunts, the sound of your pussy squelching around your fingers as you drive them in is like music to his ears. you barely even noticed him fisting his dick, stroking it hard — matching the pace of your fingers hammers your cunt.  “you gonna make a big mess for me all over my desk?”

“professor i-” you whine, wanting more than just your own fingers inside of you, “please i need—”

“professor? what was it that you called me earlier?” he teases, “remind me of that and then maybe i’ll give you what you’re begging for.”

“s-sir please,” you sputter, barely being able to string a sentence together. you could feel you were about to cum hard. your fingers were still drilling into your pussy, and your hands were still suctioned on your tit and nanami's dick was taunting you. “i need you.”

“you need me hmm?” he mocks, his eyebrow tilting as he stares at your fucked out face.

“yeah p-please i need your dick,” you beg, your pussy was gushing all over your fingers, as your strokes got sloppier, “i need you i-in me.”

“oh really?” he asks with a smirk, a slight chuckle as you nod eagerly, “well too bad.”

“wha—”

“you really thought i’d put my dick in a slutty student that’s not even smart enough to even pass my class?” he lectures, he tuts his teeth, shaking his head, “now finish off for me and leave office hours end in a few minutes.”

“f-fuck,” you moan out, you could barely even process his words, too busy focused on cumming all over your fingers to think about how he just denied you of what you really wanted, your hand falls off your tit, your head jerking back as your release over his desk. he’s quick to cum too, biting down on his fist to surpress the loud moan threatening to come out

“you really made a mess for me huh,” he observes, swiping his fingers across the pool of cum you left on his desk and bringing it into his mouth, “sweet.” you were at a loss for words, you were just coached through one of the best orgasms you ever had from your professor — and he didn’t even touch you — yet you still don’t know whether he’s gonna pass you or not.

“so about that exam…?” you voice trails, as you put back on your shirt, hopping of his desk.

“i’ll think about it, sit the exam first and i’ll see what i can do,” his voice turns serious, and he nods his head in the direction for you to leave indicating for you to get up out of his office. but just before you're about to leave the room he calls out to you, “oi.”

“thanks for the live show.” 

☆ TOJI 

“why do we always have to fuck in such awkward spaces,” you complain nearly tripping on a basketball as toji holds you upright.

“you know you love it baby,” he smirks, pressing a kiss to your cheek, thrusting up into you further. 

you were in the gym supply closet, having your weekly sex with your university's gym teacher. you don’t even know how your little routine came about but once he started to hammer into you every friday after basketball practice, you’ve never missed a meet up.

“don’t call me that,” you groan out at the use of his pet name.

“why not?” he grumbles, cupping your tits with his hands as he stands behind you, “aren’t you students s’pposed to listen to your teachers and all that.”

you take a sharp inhale as his large hands smother your boobs, his thick things toy with your nipples, “but y-you aren’t a real teacher, in case you forgot.”

“am too,” he mutters like a child.

“a-are not,” you spit back just as childishly.

“am, too,” he persists, thrusting into you hard. pushing you down by your nape, forcing your hands to grip onto some random gym apparatus. he uses his foot to spread your legs apart wider so he can fit right behind you. fucking into you with something to prove.

“you teach gym to a bunch of brain dead j-jocks, wouldn’t say that classifies as being an actual professor toji.” you continue riling him up, biting your lip as his hammers into you harder. “you’re more like a glorified personal trainer than a teacher.”

he drives into you deeper, “oh and your just an uppity bitch, who still ended up fucking this ‘personal teacher,’ in a gym closet,” his mouth moves close to your ear, as he whispers, “so what does that say about you baby?” he presses a kiss underneath your ear lobe, before lightly sucking on it.

his words go straight to your core, him calling you an ‘uppity bitch’ had the exact effect he intended them to have — you throwing  your ass on his dick, fucking him back as hard as he was fucking you. 

he sends a smack to your ass, biting his lip as it ripples at the contact of his palm. his slaps were merciless, having you scream out every time he hits your cheek. “how’s this for a glorified personal trainer huh?” he coos in your ear, feeling dignified as you rut against him more feigning for more of his dick in your throbbing pussy. 

“ah you f-fill me up s-so so good,” you mewl out, as his dick pumps in and out of you stuffing you with every thrust. his mouth latches onto the nape of your neck, sucking on it as he ploughs into you deeper, hitting your spot with pinpoint accuracy.

“i know i do baby, i always stuff you good don’t i?” he groans out, your pussy was a vice grip on his dick, had him suppressing his moans whenever you clenched around him, “don’t know why you fuck around with these lame ass boys in your classes, they can’t fuck you like i do. do they?”

“well…” you voice trails in a teasing tone.

“dont f-fucking play with me,” he sputters, feeling himself about to bust all inside of you, “i’m the only one you fucking right,” when he doesn’t hear an immediate answer, he shoves himself into you his hips pushing right against your ass, “right?”

“y-yes fuck, right,” you sigh rolling your eyes at his act of possessiveness — ignoring how you pussy got even wetter at his words. “you’re the b-best i ever had, toji.”

“you’re damn right i am,” he scoffs out giving your ass one final slap as he says, “you going finish all over my dick, c’mon baby coat my dick with your sweet sweet,” and you do just that. you cum with a cry, releasing all over toji, as he shoots into you a loud groan leaving his mouth.

“aww i forgot how loud you get for me,” you tease him as he pulls out of you, turning to look at him with a grin, which he huffs out, “anyways what did i tell you about cumming in me, i'm not one of those cheerleaders you run around with,” you fuss swatting at his chest.

“yeah you aren’t one of the cheerleaders i run around with,” he repeats, “hence why i can cum in you, you know you’re my favourite fuck out of all my students”

“ugh you’re so gross.”

“you say that with my cum running down your legs,” he says, giving you a pointed look, his eyes staring down at your thighs, “i do have another hour till my next class i gotta teach, so i could clean it up for you?” he offers, already going down to his knees, knowing that was a suggestion you would not deny.

“if you insist.”

he starts to suck against your thighs as you lean against the wall, sandwiched between a goal post and a hockey stick, but just before his lips latch onto your pussy, he looks up to you with a pout, “do you really think gym coaches aren’t teachers?”

“oh shut up toji,” you mutter, pushing his head to your cunt.

☆ GETO

you storm into your professors office, pissed off. professor geto was the worst teacher you’ve ever had. he was cocky, arrogant and most of the time he didn’t have a clue what he was teaching. 

“ah miss know it all,” he muses, his personal nickname he created for you during his first semester of being your professor, “to what do i owe the pleasure this time.” you were no stranger to geto’s office, you were practically the only student that actually used his office hours. geto didn’t mind it though. the unplanned visits, your impoliteness — he was amused by it. 

“could you explain why you gave me a B, on my last paper?” you interrogate, waving said essay in his face furiously, “when we both know that this is easily worth an A.”

“i just think you could do better,” he shrugs nonchalantly, “i just think you haven’t harnessed your true potential, that’s all.” geto knew you were smart, the smartest person he’s ever taught. he just needed to get you in his office. and he knew a below average grade on an essay, that didn’t even matter, was the way to do that.

“and what do you know about potential?” you mutter, more to yourself than anything, “i don’t even know how you managed to get this job.”

he rolls his eyes at your comments, “do you really want this A?” 

"of course i want the stupid A," you reply, your tone determined. "i've put in the effort, and i've met all the requirements for this paper. there's no reason for you to give me a B except for your own personal bias against me."

“personal bias? some may argue that you’re actually my favourite?” geto leans back in his chair, a sly grin on his face. "but alright, then. here's the deal," he says, folding his arms. "if you can convince me right now, in this very moment, that you deserve an A for this paper, i'll change your grade. but you'll have to persuade me.”

“persuade you?” you retort, “what you want me to do a powerpoint presentation or something…?” 

he chuckles, shaking his head at your naivety, for someone so smart you somehow lack social awareness, “no i wanna see if you taste as good as you look.”

“you mean…” your voice trails, finally catching on to what he was getting at.

“come lay down on my desk,” he says casually as if this was a usual ordeal between the two of you. he could see you hesitating, “you do want that A right?” 

your feet were stuck in the ground, you never wanted to be one of those girls — ones that had to fuck a teacher just to get through university. but, regardless of your below A grade, you were more curious about what it would actually be like. especially with a professor that looked like geto. 

you lay down on his desk, nervous, you could feel his breath on your stomach as he slides down your jeans. he was kneeling down, his face at the same level as your pussy. he toys with your underwear, pulling at it and snapping it against your skin, giving you a smile of approval in your choice of panties. but just before he pulls them off you he asks, “you sure you want to do it smarty? you can run back to your dorm if you want?”

“anything to get the A,” you grit out, basically lying, since getting your grade improved was the last thing on your mind as he pulls off your underwear. 

he takes his hair — that was usually tied up in bun —  down, releasing his long hair, “just in case you need something to pull on,” he smirks.

his fingers slide across your wet slit, spreading your lips. he presses a kiss on your clit, slightly nibbling on it before working his mouth down to your pussy. you gasp at the contact as he latches his mouth on you, his tongue darting into your cunt at a quick pace. 

geto hums in satisfaction as you hands immediately go to grab his hair, pulling at it as his tongue gives you long strokes, lapping up all the juices already spilling out of you. “i didn’t think my star student would be this needy, if only the class could see you now.” he taunts lifting his head up, “i guess they wouldn’t be surprised though, your as hungry for my tongue as you are to answer questions in class,” he finishes with a chuckle pressing a kiss to your thigh.

but you’re quick to silence him, clenching your thighs against his head, “s-shut up,” you whine, thrusting your hips up in his face to meet his tongue. your head was swirling, you could barely remember how you ended up on your professors desk in the first place. but all you were focused on was clawing your fingers through his scalp as he slurps and sucks on your pussy.

“oh m-my god,” you murmur, soaking his face. he could tell by the way you pushing his face deeper into your cunt, his nose forced into your arousal that you were close.

“ready to let me taste you” he asks, his voice sending vibrations over your pussy, “wanna taste you so fucking bad.”

“fuck d-didn’t think it’ll be this g-good,” you whine out. he brings his thumb to you clit rubbing it as fast as he could taking you over the edge. you moan out, practically squealing, as you squirt all over his face. he smirks, trying to get as much as it as he can.

“i didn’t know my star student could squirt,” he teases, his mouth glistening with evidence of you, “or should i call you my star squirter.”

“haha, very funny…” you deadpan, becoming slightly shy at seeing him lick his lips wiping the last remains of you off of him.

“i guess my theory was right,” he concludes.

“what theory?” you ask, puzzled, forgetting the whole reason you let him eat you out in the first place.

“you do taste as good as you look,” he comments with a pleased grin, already reminiscing about you squirting all over his face.

“so about my A?” you ask pulling up your jeans, and collecting your things.

“yeah i’ll expect your rewrite on my desk by friday,” he shrugs, going back to his nonchalant persona.

“rewrite? did you not promise me an A if i can ‘persuade you,’ at how badly i want it?” you question, going back to your original state of being pissed off, “did i not persuade you mr ‘you do taste as good as you look.’ this is so unfair”

“ask me if i care about fairness?” he smirks, a laugh leaving his lips as he watches you storm out of his office, “hey! you left your underwear,” he calls out behind you, his laugh growing as you say nothing, putting up your middle finger at him and slamming his door shut.

☆ GOJO

“do you want to lose your job?” you chastise, “shut the fuck up.”

“but i can’t help it,” he purrs, nuzzling into your neck to suppress his non stop moans and whines that he was doing as he pushed his dick in you, “your pussy’s just too good.”

you were leaning against the desk of your professor gojo’s lecture hall, your legs wrapped around his bag as he hoisted you up, grinding his body against yours as his dick drives in your pussy. 

it was after hours, and gojo forgot to lock his classroom doors. as soon as your peers left the room he was quick to put his lips on yours, throwing all the stationary on his desk on the floor in the most dramatic fashion ever. 

you don’t know how you got entangled in a relationship with your teacher. since you didn’t actually benefit from it, and he was needier and clingier than an actual student your age. but the mind blowing orgasms he gave you every now and again made you forget all of his ‘bad qualities.’

“c’mon don’t tell me it’s not making you feel wetter,” he murmurs in between kisses, “the idea of someone walking in on me fucking your pretty little pussy.” you ignore him, your arms tightening around his neck as you bounce on his dick. “tell me that doesn’t make you hot,” he eases his dick out of you slightly, drawing both of your attention to his member already covered in your juices. his eyebrows raise when you look back at him as if he’s just proved his point.

“whatever, i guess the idea of us getting caught isn’t that bad,” you lie, knowing it was causing you to get better, “but if we do get caught then it's your ass gojo.”

“aww you’re so thoughtful,” he coos, “you really care about me and my job, will you miss me if i get fired?”

“well i’ll miss my on campus dick,” you mutter, scratching at his back, as he thrusts into you deeper, “but i’ll be able to replace you quickly i guess.”

“oh how you wound me,” he mocks, pulling you into a deep kiss, desperate to taste you. that was gojo’s favourite thing to do to you, of course your pussy was great, but your lips were his favourite thing. sometimes he’d even drag you out of the hallway into his office —not a care in the world if anyone was around— and pull you into his lap just shove his tongue into your mouth and fondle your tits.

for a lousy professor, gojo sure knew your body well. he knew every spot to hit, every place to kiss, every stroke to make and you loved it. the scratches you were giving him on his back, encouraging him to go deeper, stuffing you to the brim. “f-fuckk you take me so so well,” he moans in your ear, whining and grunting as you tighten your hold around him. 

“i’m close,” he mutters, his pace slowing. he lowers you down so your back is laying on the desk and he swoops his mouth down to your tits. enveloping your left breast with his mouth, greedily suckling at it. 

“wow already?” you taunt, “you’ve really lost your touch professor, when i was an undergrad we could go at it for days.” his mouth pauses, as he looks up at you with a pointed look that reads as ‘girl really? as if you aren’t close.’ he wasn’t wrong, from his deep long strokes in your pussy, and his tongue twisting on your nipples, you were ready to cum all over him.

“gojo shit,” you curse, your hand coming down to your clit, flicking at it fast to speed up your orgasm. but gojo slaps your hand away, almost offended that you would try to cum off of something other than his hands and mouth. he bites down on your nipple, punishingly and that sends you overboard. you let out a shriek as you cum all over his dick, your hand quickly coming over your mouth to suppress your whines.

“what happened to being quiet huh?” he mocks your warning from earlier, “don’t want to get caught, do we now?” but he’s quick to let out a deep moan, as he releases into you, spraying your walls with all your cum. he slumps over you, exhausted, and wanting to just feel you — gojo was always needy after sex.

after you both come down from your highs and clean up — thankful that nobody stumbled across you. gojo pulls you into his lap, dabbing kisses all over your neck, “so when you gonna let me take you out, outside the classroom?”

“y’know that’s not allowed right?” you remind him, looking at your professor as if he’s lost his mind, “what we’re doing now isn’t allowed, but out in public is a no go, gojo.”

“not allowed?” he retorts, as if it’s news to him, “i thought it was just heavily frowned upon?!”

an: sooo what did you think? which one was your favourite. me personal lame gym coach toji really did it for me. tagging my girl @jabamin mainly just for nanami. but yes ALSO IDK WHY I MADE THE READER DUMB IN THE NANAMI FIC, but I juxtaposed it by making you super smart in the geto fic so it balances it out. anyways lmk what you thought, thanks for reading!! DONT USE MY DIVIDERS

[masonmyluv]

Part 1

A/N: I really hope you will all like this story. It’s my first pretty long story (it will have around 10 parts, so stay tuned ;) ) that I’m posting here. You can also find the story on my wattpad account (username: tmrxlover_writer).

Pictures are from Pinterest, the filter is Cinnamon on Polarr.

Warnings: none

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Another day at Uni after he just scored his first La Liga goal . He was buzzing, but had to be on time for classes. He was sure the whole university will congratulate him. Being famous was difficult when you just wanted to be a normal student.

"Our boy Fermin is back!"

You looked up from your notes to see Fermin being congratulated by the whole class. People hugging him, patting him on the back. "Thanks man" he kept saying, trying to make his way to his place. He just wanted the class to begin so everyone could leave him alone. "Hey" he said, sitting next to you. "Hi" you replied quietly. Being the shy nerdy girl was bad enough when you were sitting near the hot athletic guy. You asked yourself multiple times why did he choose to sit near you in the first year. There were a lot of empty places, but he chose the second row in the front, exactly near you. "Anything that I missed?" He asked, looking at your notes. He always admired your beautiful handwriting and how organised you were, so he knew where to choose to sit at your first class together. Surely not the guy with only a piece of paper and a pen, but rather the girl surrounded by books, coloured pencils and a cup of coffee. He didn't have the balls to ask you to get coffee in the morning, even though he wasn't drinking it, he would offer to come along with you.

"Erm...not really. We talked about more practical stuff. I made some notes if you want to take a picture or something" you offered shyly. You never ever gave your notes to anyone because they were just some lazy asses who didn't care about anything, but you were here to learn. You wanted to be a physiotherapist. They were here just to get a diploma. Not Fermin though. He was passionate about the subject, even though he missed a lot of classes because of his packed schedule. You were willing to help him because he showed interest. And appreciated your work too.

"Thanks. Actually I had an idea, I mean a proposal" he said. "I'm quite behind with everything, so I was wondering if you'd like to meet somewhere and help me catch up? It's okay if you don't want to" he said nervously. Why the heck was he nervous? He scored his first goal in freaking La Liga and was nervous talking to a girl he's seen almost every day in 3 years. You thought about his idea, you wanted to help him, but you weren't the person to meet up in random places to study. You liked the confined space of your room and desk, and maybe the library or the coffee shop, when you had to do computer work.

"I don't want to sound... uhh... like I'm inviting myself" he said blushing as if reading your mind. "But I can come to your place, if that's okay with you". "I... uhh" you rambled on, but the professor was already in class, ready to read one of his boring presentations for 2 hours. You barely paid attention to what he was saying, debating whether to accept Fermin's idea or not, while drawing random patterns on your copybook. Fermin noticed you zooming out so he scribbled something down on his own copybook. He nudged you so you could read what he wrote.

It's okay. It was just an idea :)

You shook your head, writing under his: we talk after the class.

For the rest of the class, you took notes, while Fermin tried paying attention, but his mind kept drifting off somewhere else. What if he overstepped with all this I-can-come-to-your-place-to-study thing and you would think he's weird? He face palmed himself for that, but you were his only hope to pass the exams this semester. The professor finally ended the class and you started packing your bag. Neither of you spoke until you were out of the class.

"Listen I—"

"It's okay if—"

You both stopped mid sentence and chuckled. "You first" he encouraged. "So, I think it's okay for you to come. I live alone anyway. Just tell me when it's okay with you". Fermin couldn't believe what he was hearing. You never ever invited someone over and he could respect that it was your safe place and he didn't want to intrude. "Are you sure it's okay?" He asked and you nodded. "Okay, let me see. Actually I'll text you the day before because I'll have some recovery trainings and I'll be free to come" he said. "I know it's difficult to put up with me" he chuckled nervously. "It's okay. It's not like I'm a party animal or anything" you said. "Okay... I'll let you know soon. Bye. And thank you" he said, climbing into his car. He thought of offering you a car ride, but maybe it was too much overstepping in one day, so he just waved at you and you waved back to him.

When you arrived home, you thought about this day. What the heck was today? Of course you gave him your notes pretty often, but him to come here to study? That was a whole new level.

︵✦⋆₊°˖︵‿₊

Hope you like it 🤍

Feedback is appreciated 😊

[johnwickb1tsch]

Excessive Force : a Tom Ludlow x Fem Nurse Reader (COLLAB W/ THE AMAAAZING @treedaddymcpuffpuff 😘😘😘) - Chapter FOURTEEN ---> (all chapters)

trigger warnings: mention of police shooting, child trafficking, past childhood trauma, abuse, etc. plz take care!

“Are you serious?!” You have to move the phone away from your ear to avoid a blown drum from Sheila’s screech. 

“Yup.”

“Okay, why don’t you sound as excited as me?” 

“I’m nervous. He’s really forward. And, I haven’t been on a date in forever.” That didn’t end horribly… You’ve decided not to count the fiasco with Julian. You’re in your room, fingering through the limited collection of nice clothes in your closet. You briefly debate wearing a turtleneck and thick linen pants just to piss him off. But, also, there’s that little sundress you bought at the mall that you’ve never gotten a chance to wear… The pretty, soft color would pair very nicely with your silky cream bra and panty set—that you also have never worn. You’re starting to re-think the whole not being a prude thing. 

Plus, it’s hot outside.

Sheila pulls you from your search. “Listen, if he tries anything, just kick him in the dick. Works every time.”

“He’s like eight feet tall. I don’t know if I can reach his dick… with my feet.” 

You both giggle. 

“That’s why they make step stools.” 

“Like, for that exact reason?” 

Sheila’s one of those people that has proven to be supportive. You met her on a bus tour your first week in LA and have been buddies ever since. It works perfectly since you both have hectic work schedules and don’t really expect anything from the other one. She calls you for drinks, you call her for lunch. Sympatico. 

“Obviously. So, he’s tall. Is he hot?” 

You tug your bottom lip between your teeth when you think back to his bare, bruised body on your exam table, those mile long, strong thighs that caged you in and felt more like they belonged to an Amazon Boa rather than a man. 

“Okay, that silence either means hell yes or hell no, so which is it?” You hear the grin in Sheila’s voice.

“First one.” 

You end up telling her about his persistent hospital visits, him pulling you over, maybe omitting some—okay, no, a lot of the details just so she doesn’t want to kill him just yet. You also haven’t told her about the Julian debacle–or that Tom basically rescued you. 

You also leave out that he just happens to be the new superhero on every news channel right now. You’re still processing that yourself, and it’s not boding well for you keeping your cool with this man. 

As it turned out, it was the news that informed you of Officer Tom Ludlow’s whereabouts those lonely night’s you’d missed him harassing you on that lonely stretch of highway. He wasn’t ignoring you. He was rescuing two teenage girls who had been kidnapped and trafficked by a gang. According to the report, Ludlow had entered the house after hearing a cry for help, alone, and gunned down every single one of the gangbangers before setting the girls free.  

Parts of this story should have alarmed you, but there had been a time in your past when you would have given anything for a person of authority to ride to your rescue, red tape be damned. How many times had the cops come to your house for a domestic disturbance between your parents, and left you in a bad situation because of some legal technicality or another? How had they seen you, scared and dirty, cowering in the doorway, and left you behind? The horrors you could have told them, if only they’d cared to ask without your parents there to overhear and threaten you, but every time until the last time, they’d just left you in the hellhole that had been your childhood home.   

How different your life—your sister’s lives—would have been if you had a Thomas Ludlow back then.

The twin girls’ MISSING posters and billboards were all over the city. Most anyone with the power to do something had given up on them as a lost cause, just another sad story, written them off as tragically probably dead in a gutter, but not Ludlow. Ludlow had risked his neck (and possibly his badge, because you’d heard of the old “I heard a cry for help” trick to gain entry, and it was almost always code for “I didn’t have a warrant, what are you going to do about it?”, to get them out, and goddammit if that didn’t just warm you to your toes and soften your heart.

Worse yet, you feel like the biggest asshole for calling him a fraud, to his face, the night after it all went down. He’d just taken it on the chin, and he still asked you out. 

Ok, he technically extorted you, but it just doesn’t feel as sinister now as it had last night. He’d been bold, and borderline needy for some human tenderness, and fuck if you didn’t understand all too well why now. 

Now, rather than having to keep yourself from tearing him a new one, you were afraid you were going to have to restrain yourself from crawling into his lap at the first opportunity, and fucking his brains out for being such a goddamed hero. 

“Oh, he’s a freak!” Despite saying this, she sounds like she’s twirling her hair and kicking her feet. 

You snort. “He’s got..uh…nice hands.” 

You decide on the sundress and the bra-panty set, but you don’t bother laying them out in preparation, because you’re still telling yourself that this isn’t that big of a deal and you’re not that invested and that if Tom Ludlow kisses you, you won’t burst into flames.

You want to take a bath, leave some scent of those seldom used lavender lemon oils lingering on your skin, but decide against it. 

No. Actually. You’re doing it. Taking a nice,  warm, spiced soak, rubbing lotion over every piece of you except the very sensitive bits, shimmying into the undergarments. The panties end up being cheekier than you like, but your butt looks cute, and the dress covers everything pretty good, anyway—well, everything that matters. 

After putting your hair up in a messy bun and throwing some mascara on, you’re ready for—actually, who the fuck are you kidding, you are the opposite of ready. Borderline panicking at the thought of this man coming to pick you up and taking you out and putting on his lewd charm and ruining this cute underwear. 

By the time he buzzes downstairs, it’s too late to decide on another pair of shoes. You have to live with sandals—with the fact that he might just look down and get a full, unfiltered view of your toes curling when he opens his pretty mouth. 

You’re totally fucked, here. 

You think it again when you open the door, finding his lean form all in black, leaning on the wall with his hands in his pockets and his full bottom lip between his teeth, like he’s already thinking about eating you up. You literally feel it as his eyes look you up and down, from your messy bun to your pink painted toes. It’s been two seconds, and already you are soaked between your thighs. 

Doomed. You are just fucking doomed, and a part of you is just ready to surrender, because it takes so much goddamn energy to fight your attraction to this man. You can feel it like live electricity crackling over your skin. 

Of course, there’s that other part of you that wants to run right back up those stairs and lock yourself away from this gorgeous devil.

“Hey, beautiful.”

Your mouth opens to reply, but your brain takes a few seconds to catch up, utterly short circuited by how ridiculously handsome he is in his black button down, his dark pants belted low on his hips, those big feet in black boots. It’s a little strange, seeing him without his badge or his gun on his hip–but you can work with this. 

“Hi,” you answer, scathingly clever as ever. 

“Ready to go?” 

You’d brought down your purse, to avoid inviting him into the private sanctuary that is your little shoebox of an apartment, but now you almost regret it. 

“Yeah. Where are we going?” You step out the door, but he doesn’t move back, relishing your close proximity with a smirk. But there is a new softness in his brown eyes as he looks down at you that makes you a little weak in your knees. He reaches up to touch your cheek, feather light, and it boggles your mind how this man can be such a beast, and yet so gentle when he wants to be. 

“You’ll see.” You narrow your eyes at him, but for once, it’s more playful than fueled by annoyance. “Relax,” he says, his shapely mouth dancing as he suppresses a smile. “You’re in good hands, honey.” 

You don’t even flinch, as he drives this final nail into your coffin, the wave of desire inspired by the thought of those oh-so-capable hands and what they just might do to you tonight buzzing down your spine. This is how you die–you are strangely, almost, ok with it. 

When he has you safely ensconced in the passenger seat of his sleek black Charger you look over at him, his long arm draped over the wheel as he navigates the hostile environment of LA traffic like a shark patrolling a reef. “So…I saw you on the news last night.”

He lifts one of those dark brows, though his expression remains otherwise unreadable. “Haven’t really looked at what they’re saying,” he admits, like he’s used to the media getting the details wrong towards their own ends. 

“They said that you saved two underaged girls that were being traffiked?”

His mouth turns down, and you wonder if you’ve killed the happy vibe of the evening so soon with your nosy questions. But then again–you need to know. It’s a gnawing curiosity in your gut not just for the events that transpired, but the man who orchestrated them. Who you are currently alone in a car with, so you reason you have a right to know.

“Yeah,” he simply answers, not keen to crow his own praises. 

“And you…killed all those guys?”

He gives a sigh that seems to come from the bottom of his soul. You sense a weariness in him that he’s never shown on the outside before. 

“Yeah.” A long silence draws out between you, before he adds, “They were very bad dudes, y/n. Please don’t be afraid of me.”

You can’t exactly say that you’re not–but ironically, the news of him shooting down those gangsters really has nothing to do with it.   

“I’m not. I mean–if they were abusing those girls, then they deserved it.”

He looks you over then, an appraising look as though you’ve given him some new information about your character. Maybe information you didn’t exactly mean to give away, but it’s out there now. He’s going think you’re a kindred spirit–or a blood thirsty gremlin. 

Either way, you don’t really want to discuss why you sympathize with those girls, and with him. 

“Are you okay?”

This question seems to take him aback, like he truly wasn’t expecting it. He’s surely used to being a pillar of stoic manhood, but you know this shit takes its toll. “Yeah. I’m fine, sweetheart. Thanks.”

You eye his hand resting on the center console, and a part of you very badly wants to reach out to him and take it. Almost as though he can sense it, or maybe because he wants it as badly as you do, he holds out his hand palm up in invitation. It’s possible you stare at that hand for a beat too long, his wide calloused palm and long blunt fingers. Long enough that he tries to play it off, starting to take it back, before you quickly lace your fingers with his. The way he smiles to himself sends warmth blooming all the way to your toes, and you’re glad he’s driving because they do, indeed, curl in your sandals. 

You give him a little squeeze, relishing the way your hand feels so tiny and protected in his own, and say, genuinely, “I’m sorry. For calling you a fake cop.” 

He clicks his tongue. “I’ve heard worse from people that aren’t half as pretty as you.” 

You want to fight with him on that—scoff, roll your eyes—but you just can’t, because as much as that small, whiny part of your brain tells you he’s lying, the bigger, rational part absolutely knows just by the sincerity in his tone that he thinks you really are a pretty, sublime creature. 

“But I still kinda think you’re a jerk,” you half tease. 

“Mmmm, what happened to that feisty little thing I know? She change into a cute sundress and suddenly become sweet?” 

You are loathe to admit the real reason for your change of heart. 

“You wish.” 

He chuckles. “Bet I can make you sweet.” 

You’re a total idiot for what comes out of your mouth, and your underwear is the one that will more than likely end up paying for this mindless insolence. “How?”

He brings your hand up to his mouth, lips brushing over the thin skin of your knuckles, sending a spear of desire through your arm and into the rest of your body. You make a tiny choked noise when his tongue peeks a taste of your skin, going unfocused and fuzzy, radio static and full throttle cavewoman. 

He kisses the center of your hand, then murmurs, “With sugar, silly girl.” 

It's not only the panties that pay a high price, but also your throbbing heart, pleasantly tense and hot and full of desire. 

He must find your slack jaw and blank stare immensely entertaining, because he’s laughing low and soft, rumbling in delight. 

“Are you okay?” He asks. 

“I’m fine.” There has never been a more heinous lie uttered in this entire state. 

You’re fairly new to LA, but you soon realize from your surroundings that he’s taking you to the Santa Monica Pier. 

You are thanking the universe and the gods when you arrive at your destination. Five more minutes—hell, seconds—trapped in that car with him and you would have climbed into his lap and started barking. 

When he swings into a parking space designated just for Law Enforcement you turn to him with a lifted brow, as though to say, Abuse your authority much? 

But you already know the answer to that. This date is a product of it. And so far…it’s not so bad. 

“Do you like fish tacos?” He asks, keeping your hand and massaging that bulky thumb over your wrist.

“Shouldn’t you have asked that before you made a reservation?” you taunt him. 

“No reservation,” he informs you with a quirk of his mouth. “But the manager owes me a favor.” 

He waves around the busy avenue and beach walk bustling with people, peppered with colorful shops and restaurants of every kind. “Pretty sure we can find you something you like, if Mexican food with an ocean view isn’t your thing…” He says it with a smirk, and you’re seriously not sure if you want to kiss this man or smack him. Maybe both, but save it for later, sings out the little devil on your shoulder before you can tell it to shut the fuck up. 

Good lord. 

You’ve heard of the restaurant–and that it’s famously hard to get into. You wonder if his connection is a product of a favor for a good deed, or a bit of blackmail. Maybe a little bit of both. You’re finding more and more that it’s hard to put this man in a single box. 

“Honestly…?” You make him wait for it, and you can tell your effort to put this confident man on the spot only half succeeds, his dark eyes sparkling with mirth. “That sounds pretty amazing.”

This evil, evil gentleman. He opens your door for you, helps you out of the car, stands patiently while you fix your dress, only half looks at your exposed thighs before you pull the hem down and cover them up again. 

Then, he threads his arm with yours and leads you onto the pier. You can’t believe you’ve never taken the initiative to come here before. It’s beautiful, lit up like a modern carnival of neon lights. 

“Oh, can we go on the Ferris wheel?” You ask, looking up at him. 

“Let’s get some food in you, and then we can do whatever you want.” He really needs to stop being so…caring. It’s seriously starting to mess up your insides. 

You turn into a fascinated kid as you walk down the salt coated slice of wood built out over the ocean, looking this and that way, pointing things out, mentioning possible after-dinner activities. You feel like you’re getting annoying, but Tom just seems amused by your sunburned tourist behavior. 

You pass by a little shooting booth with huge stuffed bunnies hanging from the rack, and he must see the way you’re ogling them, so he leans down close to your ear. “I could win you one of those?”

You grin back up at him. “I can win you one.” 

“Oh? Little sharpshooter?” 

It sounds like he doesn’t believe you, so you stick your tongue out at him between smiling lips. 

He pokes your forehead in retaliation. “Anybody ever tell you how fucking cute you are?” 

The restaurant lives up to its popularity and then some. It takes a while to get here, but you just know it’s worth every foot blister when they sit you down and immediately serve a popped bottle of iced sparkling water and delicious, warm salsa and chips. 

You made it just in time to catch the purple orange sun sinking below ocean level, and the front row seats really just make the view that much more spectacular. At this point, you wouldn’t be surprised if a dolphin jumped from the water, illuminated by the dying sun, just like in the movies.  

“This is… amazing.” You grab some tortilla chips to munch on while he pours you both glasses of the fancy water. “Have you ever been here before?” 

“Once.” He doesn’t elaborate, so you don’t want to push the issue, but you can tell there’s some kind of ache behind that simple word. 

“Okay, so you’re obviously not from LA—where are you from?” He leans over the table a bit, curious. 

“Kansas.” 

He opens his mouth, but you stop him because you already know what he’s going to say. 

“Don’t do it.” You point a warning finger at him, giggling like an idiot. 

“God, but I really want to,” he groans. 

“So,” you say, taking another bite of chip. “Why did you become a cop?”

“You start with the heavy questions, huh?” he teases you. “Thought I was the one who was trained in interrogation?”

You suppose he’s right, considering your earlier line of inquiry in the car. But you shrug in response. Considering how you ended up here, you see no reason to tiptoe around things. “Just curious.”

He offers up an easy smile, letting you know you didn’t offend him. “Well, I actually always wanted to be a dentist.”

You snort with disbelief, trying to imagine this man’s bedside manner. But then, dentists do get to cause people a lot of pain… “Ok. Maybe that tracks.”

“I’m fucking with you,” he informs you with a smirk. 

You do your best to appear annoyed, and fear you fail at it badly. “Guess it’s not hard to imagine you pulling teeth, is all.”

He huffs at that. “I always wanted to be a cop, since I was a kid. My old man was a detective. Killed in the line of duty. I guess I felt like I needed to pick up his unfinished business.”

You blink at that. You and your big fucking mouth. “I’m sorry,” you say, reaching for his hand across the table. He curls his fingers with yours, playing with your aqua painted fingernails with his thumb.

“It’s alright. Happened a long time ago.”

“How old were you?”

“Eleven.”

You squeeze his hand in yours, saying nothing. 

“What about you? What made you want to be a nurse?” 

You don’t really feel comfortable enough to tell him your whole coming-of-nurse story, so you give him the cut version: “when I was young and felt like I had no one, a nurse comforted me.”

“How young?”

“Ten.”

He winces. “Maybe I’ll get the full version of that story one day?”

There’s an epiphany, here, in this little restaurant with the comfy blue chairs, and it’s that Tom Ludlow scares you because he makes you feel something deep, deep inside your chest that you can’t even remember being there before he came along. Julian was easy, child’s play; although it stings, you’re writing him down as just another failed fling. You know if Ludlow gets his hands on your little sensitive heart, it will be a very different story. 

You take a big drink of water to wash down the salty crunch. “Sorry.”

“For?”

“Being so…cold.”

He chuckles. “Oh, you are so cold. Gonna have to make it up to me.”

Warmth floods the top layers of your skin. “I already said I’d win you the bunny.”

You’re amazed at how easily he can transition back into a smooth, carnal beast. “I don’t know if that’s enough for me to forgive you.” The fake hurt in his tone should not make you squirm in your seat. 

You bite like a dumb, good little fish should: “okay, then, how do I make it up to you, Officer Ludlow?” 

You’re hoping to faze him with the sultry innocence of your tone, but it just fuels his devilish aura instead. “We can start with me turning you over my knee.”

You don’t have a retort, but your vagina absolutely does, and she gets you squirming in your seat. 

He leans forward, knowing smile sure to be your undoing one way or another. “Would you like that?” 

“Thought you didn’t want to hurt me?” You challenge, trying to keep cool despite the blazing Ludlow heat. 

“Who says spanking has to hurt? Dr. Bitch?”

You can’t help the giggle that rolls out of you, and he seems to find it entertaining that you have to cover your mouth to hide it. “No, Tom, believe it or not, I am a grown woman who has lived an experienced life.” 

“And how was it?”

You tilt your head. “What?”

“You know, when you asked one of your vanilla boyfriends to swat that gorgeous, plump ass a little bit? Just to see how it would feel.” He leans his chin on his palm, listening intently for your answer, and you think you might be on your way to spontaneous combustion. 

How in the fuck can he just hit the nail right on the head like that? Know about parts of your life that you haven’t shared with anyone—not that there were many to share with. Are you really this readable? 

Once again, he has your sharp tongue dulled with arousal and embarrassment, and you shift in the chair. “He did it, like, once and then stopped.” 

“And did you like it?” He presses. 

“Yes.” 

He takes a little sip of his water, raising both dark brows over the glass at you. “Good to know.” 

Tom recommends the margaritas and fish tacos, so you let him order for the both of you while admiring the view. You can’t decide which one you like better, his handsome face or the ocean scape.

As you are finishing your delicious dinner the last rays of the sunset are putting on a five star show for you, the sky painted that impossible deep blue and purple, the water shimmering like color-changing opals.

“It’s so beautiful here,” you sigh, and you catch him looking at you out of the corner of your eye with a softness you haven’t seen from him before. You get up the courage to meet his eyes, and he smiles at you, but for once not like he intends to eat you.

“You’re not in Kansas anymore, sweetheart.”

“Goddammit.”

He laughs at that, a real belly laugh that makes you warm all over even without the aid of your two nursed margaritas. “Ready to go?”

“Yeah. I’ve got to out shoot you for that little bunny now.” 

This wins you more genuine laughter. “Alright, Annie Oakley. Lead the way.” 

[malii-the-bonehead]

The Other Woman pt4

Slow burn

Summary: Chris, a popular hockey player at school where Y/n went, found himself falling for the beautiful, shy girl. As time went on he found out who Y/n truly was as a person and ultimately, he had to make the choice, his girlfriend, or the other woman.

Part 4

Chris ended up never texting me last night. He probably fell asleep. I don’t blame him. I wish I was sleeping early last night. I’m worried about whether he'll pass his calculus exam. He didn’t text this morning either.

I wasn’t worried. I mean we only texted once I’m not attached or anything. 

And not to mention how distracted I am with work. Maybe it is better that he didn't pull my focus away from the important things. 

“Good morning,” my mom stumbled into the kitchen

“Good morning mom,” I responded. She rubbed her eyes and sat at the island in our kitchen. “How’d you sleep?”

“Fine, I guess. I have a throbbing headache though,” She rubbed her temples with both hands, shutting her eyes and sighing. 

I walked over to the medicine cabinet and grabbed some advil. I filled a glass with some tap water and gave the pills and water to her. She mumbled a quiet “thank you” when she grabbed the water from my hand. I put the pills on the counter and grabbed my bag off the chair next to her.

“I’m about to leave for school. Do you need anything before I go?” 

She replied, “When you get out of school can you go to the store and buy me some new socks? I can’t seem to find any.”

“Yeah, mom I’ll get you some. But just so you know they have some clean socks in the basket on the dryer.” I kissed the top of her head, spinning around and heading towards the front door. 

“Thank you, Y/n. I love you, be safe.”

I looked back at her. “I love you too, mom.” 

I opened the front door, stepping outside into the cool air. 

–

I'm sitting in the parking lot, waiting for the first school bell to ring. I decided I’d smoke the rest of my joint before going into the building. It wasn’t much, just a little less than half. I’m not super lightweight with weed, thankfully. 

The clock on my car hit 6:50, meaning it was time to go inside before the late bell rings. I grabbed my stuff from the backseat and shut off my car, locking it and walking into the school building.

To be honest, I’ve been thinking about Chris most of the morning. I really hope he does well on his calculus test today.

Time for gym class. The most dreaded class of the day. But, at least I didn’t have to do it sober, right?

–

First and second hour seemed to pass by really quickly. It is now third hour and I’m sitting at my desk. I have so many butterflies in my stomach. I feel like I’m going to throw up, like something is going to happen. I don’t know why I feel like this. I might be hungry.. Or nervous. My high wore off midway through the second period meaning I was now sober again. A few people told me I needed perfume this morning. I hope I masked the smell well. I didn’t need anyone knowing I did such crazy activities in my down time. 

I looked up from my phone, seeing Chris walk in the room. His hair was a mess and his eyes looked droopy like he didn’t get enough sleep last night. He looked at me. I slightly smiled at him, pulling my headphones down to my shoulders. He trudged slowly over to my desk, rubbing his eyes with his fingers before blinking down at me. 

“Good morning, Christopher.” Something in my stomach just turned. I did feel nervous. But not just nervous, nervous to be around him. 

“Good morning,” he grunted out. He sat down on top of my desk, pushing his hair out of his eyes.

“Did you get to study for your calculus test?” I asked him cautiously. I didn’t know how tired Chris would react, if he would be cranky or calm. 

“I did. All night, actually. I was going to text you but I figured you’d be exhausted. You needed the rest.”

He cared about how much I rested? So he didn’t call me, not because he was asleep but because he didn’t want to bother me. 

“Oh, silly I didn’t mind. Honestly, I was worried about whether you had been able to study.” I picked at my thumb nail, feeling his gaze on me. “How did that go by the way?”

“I think I got it all crammed into my head. I don’t get most of it but I know the basics. I’m so tired though. I slept through first and second hour.” He let out a light chuckle. A chuckle that made my insides tingle. 

“I can tell, your hair is a mess.” I brought my hand up to his head, carefully fixing his hair. His face went bright pink and he looked away from me. 

“Yeah, it’s tough to sleep with your head on a desk.” If Chris wasn’t next to me I probably wouldn’t have heard him. 

“Trust me, I know. I used to sleep in my classes a lot last year.” He turned to look at me, his face back to its original color. He was really pretty in this lighting. Classroom lighting isn’t the best, but somehow he makes it work. 

“Y/n,” he looked at me with a puzzled expression. I looked up at him, nodding my head slightly. “Do you smell weed in here?”

I shut my eyes. Shit, it’s still lingering on my clothes.

I quickly opened my eyes and reached into my bag, grabbing perfume for the fourth time today. 

“Sorry.” I stated to no one in particular. I sprayed my jacket with the perfume before placing it back into my bag. 

He had slightly wide eyes when I looked back at him.

“You smoke?” Chris was now staring at me waiting for my answer. 

“Um, every now and then I do. Is that a problem?” It didn’t come out as rude or harsh but more like a genuine question. He quickly shook his head.

“No, not at all. I just- You don’t seem like the type, you know?” I giggled quietly.

“Thanks?” I replied. The bell rang as he opened his mouth to speak. A man walked into the class. A man who’s not our teacher. Chris looked dead into my eyes and mumbled a quiet, “I’ll see you in a few,” before getting up from the top of my desk and moving to his in the back. 

“As you can see, your teacher isn’t here today. I won't be a substitute. I have a paper I will put on this desk. You all need to come look at the room you need to go to for this class period. As far as I know, your teacher will be back on Monday. Don’t push, shove, or act like wild animals when you come up here to check the paper. When you find your name and room number, sign your initials and go to that class. You don’t go to your assigned class and you will be marked as skipped, everyone understands?” The teacher looked around the class, making sure everyone knew what he was explaining. He nodded his head to himself,  “Good, you may go check your rooms.”

I got up, slowly walking to the paper on the empty desk in the front of the class. I waited for a few people before grabbing the paper, finding my name and room number. 

“What room did you get?” I felt Chris’s presence was too close to me. I turned my head slightly to see him practically leaning over me. I felt my legs start to give out a little bit, but I stood strong.

“I have to go to room 962. Yours says 240. Do you want me to sign your name for you?” I looked back at him once again, showing him the paper.

“Yes, thank you. It sucks that we have to go across the school from each other. Would you mind if I walked you there?” My eyes opened slightly. I quickly shifted, turning to face him.

“No, you don’t have to do that. I have to walk up 2 flights of stairs. Don’t waste energy you don’t have, Chris.” He looked kind of sad when I said that. 

“Trust me, I’ll be fine. Just let me walk you this one time?” I sighed. The paper was now out of my hand and on the desk. Chris was bent over the desk, signing my initials first, then his own. I rolled my eyes, went back to my desk, and grabbed my things. Chris did the same thing before we both walked out of the double doors to exit the class. 

Walking seemed like it took forever. Those stairs killed me, and Chris hasn’t said much to me. We walked close, but not too close. When we arrived at my class, I thanked him for walking me.

“Thank you, Chris. I’m sorry you had to walk me all the way over here,”

“No, don’t worry, I don't mind. I guess I should start going back down, huh?” He chuckled a little, pulling his hair out of his eyes once again. Then, he suddenly had a look on his face like he was the smartest man in the world.  “Hey, why don’t you text me?”

I smiled up at him. “Sure, Chris, I’ll text you.”

He smiled back before slowly turning around and walking to his class, across the school. I blew the hair out of my face before walking into the classroom and finding an empty desk at the back. 

–

It’s been about 30 minutes since I’ve been in class with no one I know. I had put my music on and started reading before I remembered to text Chris. I pulled out my phone and put my book away on the desk in front of me.

Hey, Chris. I pressed send. Before I could even put my phone down, I felt it vibrate in my hand. I looked down at it, reading the new message that popped up on my phone. 

Hola Y/n. He waited a second before sending another text. Sorry, I’m in a Spanish class right now. I smiled down at my phone. 

You’re silly. I’m in an art class. I don’t know anyone here. I found myself waiting for his next response. I know he read it, read receipts were on. I saw the message bubble pop up. It was an image.

I know a few people here. Class is boring as hell though. I smiled again, pressing on the picture and finding Madi and his brother Matt in the picture as well as someone I didn’t recognize.

Lucky, I’m all by myself. But I don’t mind it. Now, I can read in peace:) He responded fast.

I like how you just read all the time. Not many people do. It’s cool. What are you reading by the way?

I looked at the book, now closed, on my desk. I took a picture and sent it to him. 

Is that the giant book you carry everywhere with you? I didn’t know you were into poetry. I felt heat rush to my face. He noticed the book because I carried it around. He looked at me enough to realize that it was in my hand all the time. The message bubble popped up again. I sat and waited for his text to be sent.  A thing of beauty is a joy forever. Its loveliness increases, it will never. Pass into nothingness, but still will keep. A bower quiet for us, and a sleep. I looked down at the poem he sent. A poem by John Keats from 1956. A poem I was fond of. How’d he know that?

Did you google that? He took a second to respond. 

No, it may not seem like it, but I actually enjoy poetry. Reading isn’t my thing but I have a soft spot for anything poetic. 

He’s poetic, I thought to myself. I shook my head to myself softly.

Yeah, I didn’t take you as the type to like that kind of stuff. But it’s really nice to know, Chris. He sent a smiley face. I placed my phone down, thinking the conversation was over. Then, I felt my phone vibrate again on the desk. I picked it up and read the message. 

So, are you free tonight? I shut my eyes. I was off work Fridays and Sundays. I typed a quick message.

Yes, why?

Wanna hang out? I could still use some help on my calculus even though my test is next hour. Just to prepare me for the next one, yk? I felt my stomach turn a little. 

Sure, Chris. That sounds perfect. And just to let you know, I don’t have work on Fridays and Sundays. Sundays I'm usually pretty busy though. I pressed send waiting, once again. 

Ok, good. What time do you think we should do this? And where? Depending if my mom was home and how clean the house was, then definitely not my house. I didn’t want him to see how we lived. I mean we have a decent house, but it for sure isn’t a big beautiful house. 

I sent him a response after pondering for a while. I have to run to the store after school so probably not until later in the day. 5 maybe? And you can pick the place to meet at.

I made sure to put meet at so he didn’t suggest mine, or his house. 

5 is good. And how about we meet at the cafe near the library. That was a perfect answer, Chris. I needed a new book anyways so after I help him, I can go get the few books I need. 

Perfect. I’ll see you there. Or do you want me to pick you up? 

No no don't worry about that. I’ll get Matt to bring me. 

Chris and I sent a few texts back and forth. The bell rang, signaling the 4th hour was about to start. I sent him a quick, good luck on your calculus test, Chris. Just do your best and don’t stress over it. I picked up my things and made my way to my next class.

[crazyunsexycool]

Love in times of war

Pairing: 40s!Steve Rogers x 40s!Reader

word count: 16.1k

Summary: you meet Steve Rogers while working with Dr. Erskine.

warnings: Steve being adorable, preserum Steve, angst, fluff, badly written smut, talks of blood, needles, gunshots, Bucky being a little shit, Peggy is a bitch (if you like Peggy this is not the blog for you)

A/N: this was a wild ride. Was it necessary to write 16k not at all but I had so much fun writing it. I used some scenes from Captain America the first avenger but I don’t own the characters or marvel. Please let me know what you think and as always I appreciate the comments, likes and reblogs.

master list

Excitement was thick in the air, the expo was in full swing and men were lining up at the recruitment center in order to serve their country. You had almost been out the door after a long day of work when you were called back. It was rare that Dr. Erskine would ask you to come in if you were done for the night but the moment you stepped into his office you knew. His eyes were bright and hopeful.

“You found him.” you exclaimed once the door was shut. Leaning back against the door you looked at the older man, excited at the possibility.

“Perhaps I have. I need you now more than ever.”

“Of course, anything you need.”

“Good.” He says as he hands you a file. 

“Steven Grant Rogers.” you murmur as your eyes scan the page. “Hmm, he has a long list of health issues Doc.” You look back up at him to find Erskine studying your reaction. “But you didn’t choose him because of that did you?”

“You are correct. This world needs more than good soldiers Y/N.”

“It needs good men. He seems to fit the bill, he’s tried to sign up multiple times to fight for his country. Seems like Mr. Rogers only wants to do what's right.”

“You get it and that is why I need you by my side. Go home and pack your things. We have a lot to prepare for in the coming weeks.”

***************************************************************

The next morning you had been one of the first people into Erskine’s lab. The good doctor had left you with a list of things to do the night before so you began at the top of the list. By the time you had organized the equipment he needed and redid Steve’s chart it was time to start with the regular work day. 

You made your way to the exam room that had been set up and knocked on the door. When you heard the faint come in you opened the door to find Steve unbuttoning his shirt. His eyes were the prettiest blue you had ever seen but they were filled with embarrassment at his state of undress. If that wasn’t enough, the hint of pink that dusted his cheeks made him even cuter.

“Hi Mr. Rogers my name is Y/N and I’m going to be assisting Dr. Erskine. He needs me to take your vitals and some blood samples too. Is it ok if I come in now?” 

“Yes, it’s alright.” 

You open the door wider and close it behind you, offering him a smile before making your way to the small cabinet area in the room. Steve’s chart sits on the counter while you gather the things you’ll need to take his vitals. 

“You don’t have to be nervous. Everything will turn out alright.” You say over your shoulder when you notice him fidgeting. 

“What if Dr. Erskine chose the wrong person for this?”

You placed everything you needed on the small cart that was nestled in the corner of the room and dragged it closer as you thought about how to answer the question.

“I’ve been working with him for almost a year now and this is the first time he’s selected anyone.” 

“So no pressure.”

You smile as you put the cuff on his arm to take his blood pressure.

“I know his story but that is for him to tell you. I can say that for the first time in a long time he feels hopeful and that is something you gave him. Which means that you’re the only choice for this project.”

After taking his pressure you make a note on his chart. As you pull on the stethoscope that was hanging around your neck to listen to his heart and then his lungs you feel his eyes on you. Steve is taking in your beauty and he’s sure you heard how his breath hitches when you move closer. But he’s almost in a trance by the beautiful color of your eyes, a color he’ll have to remember so that he can try and recreate it later. You move away from him before grabbing what you need to take blood samples and labeling them. 

“How can you be so sure of that?” He asked in a hush tone.

“You’re humble for starters. With anyone else they would have puffed out their chest, proud that they’re the only one that fit the bill but you still question it. From what I read in your file you find yourself in fights quite a bit?” 

“I don’t like bullies.” 

“Exactly, you’re willing to fight for what’s right. You stand up against those that abuse their power and you don’t do it for the glory or anything.You know what it means to be powerless and it’s safe to say you’re compassionate. I think that’s more important than just passing all these tests. And like I said I know Erskine’s story, one you will understand with time.” you offer Steve a small smile which he returns. Before he’s able to reply another knock echoes into the small room before the door opens. 

“There you are Y/N, thank you for getting the lab ready.” 

“You’re welcome doc. I’m done with his vitals and blood samples.” 

“Good, take them back to my lab. I have some other things to go over with Steve.”  Dr. Erskine pats your shoulder.

“See you later Steve and remember what I said.” You send a wink his way as you walk out of the room. Dr. Erskine watched as you walked out and the blush that appeared on Steve’s cheeks with a smirk.

“If you hurt her I will make you disappear.” 

“What- no I would never… She wouldn’t even like someone like me.” 

“You don’t know that. Y/N is one of the few people I trust. She is kind, smart and selfless and are you going to deny that she is beautiful? She wants what we do, for this world to be better and the war to be over. I think she’s the only one that can choose who she likes.”

*********************************************

A few weeks have passed since you first met Steve. Now you had traveled to New Jersey to the base that was being used for basic training. They had given you a small room to set up as a makeshift office so that you could take more blood samples from Steve and some other recruits that Colonel Phillips had picked himself. 

“Private Hodge.” You called out from the doorway. 

“Hello sugar.” Hodge said as he walked in. You saw him look you up and down with a smirk on his lips. 

“Please have a seat.” 

“You like being bossy, sugar? I could get used to that.” he winks as he takes a seat on the exam table.

“Private Hodge my name isn’t sugar it’s Y/N so I would appreciate it if you would stop calling me that.” 

“Oh come on I’m just teasing. I’m sure a pretty little thing like you is used to the attention.”

“I’d really prefer it if you stopped talking now. I need to take your blood pressure.” 

You went down the mental list you had created, making sure to gather all of the information Dr. Erskine required. Although physically Hodge was in the running to be the first test subject, the fact that he was making you uncomfortable with not only his comments but he wouldn’t take his eyes off you was bothersome. Dr. Erskine had told you early on that he was looking for someone that was more than physically capable, he needed to find someone that was good and would stand up for what was right. The more time you worked with the doctor the more it made sense as to why Steve was the only choice. 

“You’re all done, you can leave.”  You informed him as you rushed to the door and opened it. 

“Don’t I get a reward for being such a good patient?” Hodge had walked up to you and put a hand on your waist with the purpose of pulling you closer. 

“Let me go.” 

“Just a little sugar, sugar.”  

Hodge pulled you closer forcing you to place your hands on his chest to try to push him away. When that didn’t work you stomped on his boot, the heel of your shoe digging into the top of his foot causing him to take a few steps back.

“You little-”

“Back off.” Steve appeared by the door and quickly stood in front of you to keep Hodge away.

“What are you going to do about it?” 

Hodge was much taller and muscular then Steve. He stocked over to the blond, using his height to try and intimidate the shorter man but it didn’t work. 

“No fighting allowed. If you do, you're disqualified.” 

Hodge backed away from Steve with a huff and some curses under his breath. He looked over at you with a scowl on his face before heading down the hallway. You looked down before looking at Steve and moving into the room to let him in. 

“Thank you, for that.” you said in a hushed voice. His hand found yours and he tugged so that you would turn towards him.

“Did he hurt you?”

“No, you got here just in time.”

“If he tries anything else you tell me, I don’t care about being disqualified.” 

You smile at him before squeezing his hand lightly.

“And you doubt why you are the perfect person for this.” you motioned toward the exam table. “Let me get some items together and then we can start.” 

The room sat in comfortable silence as you moved around the exam table. You could feel Steve’s eyes on you and when you looked over your shoulders your eyes would meet causing his cheeks to redden with the embarrassment of being caught. It was cute to say the least and since the first meeting you hadn’t really been able to stop thinking about him. Still in the moment you pushed your thoughts of what dating Steve would be like and focused on the task at hand. Unfortunately everything was completed quickly and there was no reason for him to stay and talk. 

“Were you done for the night then?” Steve cut the silence. 

“Yeah, I just need to put these things away.” 

“Are you staying on base? I could walk you to your room if you’d like.” 

“I would like that, thank you.” You looked up from his chart and smiled. “Let me just finish this up.” 

He gave you a quick nod and walked out to wait for you in the hallway. A few minutes later you walked out, locking the door before turning to the blond that was leaning against the wall. 

“Ready?” you nod at him and he starts walking with you down the long corridor. 

“So what do you do for fun?” 

“Oh you know the usual, get in fights in the alley, try to join the army, but mostly I like drawing and painting too.” 

“So you’re an artist?” 

“Something like that. How about you, what does the world’s best nurse do for fun?”

“Well I love finding good hearted men that fight bullies in alleys and then run tests on him to make sure he qualifies for super secret government experiments. Also I have a knack for befriending older scientists with accents.” You smile at Steve. “I do enjoy a good book too.” 

“So what made you want to be a nurse?” Steve asked as you walked toward your room.

“My parents both worked and I had a younger brother that was sick a lot. I used to take care of him most of the time. What I really wanted to do was work in research to find a cure for one or some of his illnesses. We just didn’t have the money for school and my dad didn’t think a woman should be worrying about things like that anyways. Nursing was the next best thing and I would take what I could get. Erskine has given me a once in a lifetime opportunity by letting me work alongside him.” 

“I think you’d be great at it. My ma was a nurse, I think if she had the chance she would have been a doctor.”

“What did you do before joining the army?” 

“I just found work where I could get it. Not many people were willing to hire someone like me.” 

You frowned slightly. The army you could understand, they needed healthy men to fill the ranks but that didn’t mean Steve wasn’t able to work. 

“It’s not a big deal. I’m here now and that’s all that matters.” 

“And you’ll go on to do great things, don't forget that.” You replied as you stopped in front of the room you had been given for your stay. Leaning forward you kiss Steve on the cheek causing him to once again turn a bright red. “Thank you for walking me over.” 

“S’no problem. Goodnight.” He said as you walked in a grin broke out on his face as he touched the cheek you had kissed. 

********************************************

The next morning had gone how every morning went while working with Erskine. Going over lab results and him teaching you a few things along the way. You cared for the older man as if he were a father and with a few little words he let you know you were like the daughter he never had. He always gave you a chance to review what he did and let you tell him your findings while correcting any mistakes you made.

 As the day went on you met with Colonel Phillips out on the field. He was arguing with Dr. Erskine about who should be chosen as the first test subject. Talking about how Hodge was the best choice while putting Steve down, something you didn’t like one bit.

“Look at that, he’s making me cry.” He states as you three stop by a truck and watch the recruits doing jumping jacks, Steve doing his best to keep up.

“I am looking for qualities beyond the physical.” Erskine stated. 

Phillips argued how long it took to get this project set up and how he had to basically beg some senator. You couldn’t be bothered to listen to him whining, your focus was on Steve and silently cheering him on. It’s also when you noticed a brunette who also had her eyes on Steve. She had a uniform on and you remembered that Erskine had told you about some agent from England that was also involved, maybe it was her. But you are brought back to the conversation at hand.

“He’s a bully.” 

“You don’t win wars with niceness, doctor.” He moves around to the back of the truck and picks up a grenade. “You win wars with guts.” Phillip says as he pulls the pin and tosses the explosive toward the group of men. 

“Grenade!”

“Move, move, move.” Hodges yells out. The men panic and run to hide behind whatever they can find. Steve however dives to cover the grenade with his body, shielding as many people as he can from the explosion. 

“Get away! Get back.” he tosses the grenade away from himself. Hodge and the rest of the recruits get up again once they don’t hear it going off. A confused Steve starts looking around to see what’s going on.

“It’s a dummy grenade.” someone says. 

“Is this a test?” Steve asks, first looking at the brunette before turning and finding you. A smile on your lips when your eyes meet, you give him a thumbs up. 

“He’s still skinny.” you hear Phillips say. But it doesn’t matter as your attention changes from Steve to Erksine who is also smiling. 

“Let’s go get everything ready, we have our candidate.” He tells you softly. 

****************************

The day everyone had been waiting for finally arrived. The lab was already full, some government officials were taking their seats in the viewing room while Howard Stark was reviewing the capsule Steve would have to get into. You on the other hand were getting the serum ready as well as some other things for Dr. Erskine. 

“Ready to make some history?” Howard asked as he rounded the capsule. 

“Absolutely, are you?”

“Don’t tell anyone but I am a bit terrified.”

“Don’t worry Mr. Stark.”

“Please call me Howard.”

“Well don’t worry Howard, this isn’t your flying car.” you tease.

He points at you, “I’ll remember that.” he says before smiling back.

Before you could reply the double doors opened revealing Steve in his uniform and the agent from the base, Peggy Carter. Erskine walked up to them and pointed at the viewing room, Peggy left the men and headed up the stairs. Next he turned to find you and waved you over.

“Will you get him ready?” He asked once you joined them. You nod and he leaves.

“How are you feeling?” you asked Steve, who honestly looked a little terrified.

“I’m good. How are you?” 

“Excited.” you beamed as you motioned for him to follow you. Once you were on the platform you turned back to him. “You’ll have to take your shirt off.”

“Oh, ok.” He unbuttons his shirt and hands it to you before removing his undershirt. 

“This is Howard Stark, he’ll get you settled in.” 

“Come over this way.” Howard gets Steve strapped on the table and makes sure Steve is comfortable. After getting the ok from Steve he turns to make some final checks on the capsule.

“How are your levels Mr. Stark?” 

“Levels are at 100%. We may dim half the lights in brooklyn, but we are ready… as we’ll ever be.”

Erskine reassures Steve one last time before turning to the crowd watching above and giving some kind of speech. You moved to take the serum from the case they were in and place them in their in the machine Steve was in. Once you were done Steve grabbed your hand, sending a worried look your way. 

“Everything will be fine. You’re the right choice Steve.” you squeeze his hand and smile at him before stepping away to grab a syringe. With a cotton swab and alcohol you clean a spot in his arm. “You’ll just feel a pinch.” you say before giving him the shot.

“Oh, that wasn’t so bad.” 

“That was penicillin.” Erskine informs him, making you giggle. “Serum infusion beginning in 5.. 4.. 3.. 2.. 1.” The sound of the tubes draining can be heard and Steve grimaces. “Now Mr. Stark.”

The capsule closes and moves to an upright position, the doctor checks on Steve one more time before Howard begins to turn up the power on it. The anticipation builds slowly and you feel your heart pounding in your chest as you watch. The light from inside gets brighter but Steve starts to scream as Howard announces that power is at 70%.

“Steven!” Erskine shouts as he tries to look into the small window. “Steven!” 

From above you can also hear Peggy yell. “Shut it down!’ 

Erskine moves and starts shouting instructions at Howard. But you’re still stuck in your spot until you hear him say to shut it off.

“No. He can do it.” 

“No, don’t. I can do this.” 

Both you and Steve yell at the same time. Causing Howard to move back to the dial and keep going. The light gets even brighter as Howard announces 80%, 90% and finally 100%. His circuit board lights up, everything around short circuits. Erskine stands next to you in front of the pod waiting with bated breath as the doors finally open revealing a much taller and muscular Steve. He slumps forward and you and Erskine quickly move forward to catch him.

“How do you feel?” You ask as he stands up, taking a few deep breaths. 

“Taller.” you smile up at him while another nurse passes him a t-shirt. 

Everyone from the viewing room comes down, all of them talking over each other and exchanging congratulations. Peggy heads toward Steve and begins to talk with him when someone shouts and a gun is fired, taking Erskine down. You rush over and put pressure on the wound but from where it hit you know it’s fatal. Steve is there in an instant as you try to hold back the tears. The older man looks at you and points to your head and then looks at Steve and points to his heart before taking his last breath. 

“No no no.” Your bottom lip trembles as you take the older man’s hand in your own.

Steve runs out of the room chasing the man that had killed your friend and mentor. Howard moved towards you to try and move you away from Erskine’s body when an explosion rocked the building filling the room with fire and smoke. Howard pulls you as everyone begins to run out of the lab. 

***********************************

There was a huge commotion out in the hallway. Everyone ran around frantically trying to figure out how they were going to deal with the loss of the formula for the serum. No one cared for the life that paid the price, there was no grieving the great man that was Abraham Erskine. Even with his flaws and mistakes of the past weighing him down he still dreamt of a better future. It was a shame that he wouldn’t be there to watch it happen. 

You sat in his office, where Howard led you to as he tried to talk with the colonel and the other government officials that were demanding he replicate the formula immediately. The noise grew louder for a moment before it was muffled once again behind the closed door. Your once white nurses uniform was now stained with blood, ash and tears while your hair fell out of the updo you had. The ringing in your ears gradually stopped the longer you sat there. None of it mattered because you had witnessed the worst thing imaginable, the loss of a friend at the hands of someone else. Too lost in thought you missed the footsteps getting closer to you, only when Steve crouched down in front of you did you realize you weren’t alone anymore. He was soaking wet and the white t-shirt he wore clung to his now muscular frame. One of his hands came up to your face gingerly and wiped away the tears that still fell while the other grabbed one of yours that was on your lap. 

“I’m so sorry Y/N.” He said, his voice soft and comforting.

“Did you get him?”

“I did but he didn’t make it.”

You nodded but you barely looked at him, instead you stood and began to organize the files on Erskine’s desk. He had so much research and he’d let you go over all of it. He even gave you your own projects to work on so that you could gain the experience necessary for the field. Now being in his office those memories washed over you causing the ache in your chest to expand. It was all consuming and you didn’t know how to handle it. Sure you’ve lost people you cared about but they passed from natural causes. This was different, he had supported you more than your own father and now it was over. You tried to put your focus on the papers that were  everywhere and chalkboards filled with his ideas and formulas and you began to get angry. 

“Why does he have to be so messy?” You say as you slam a file down. “I was here yesterday and organized all of this, couldn’t he keep things in order for one damn day.” You complained as you sniffled. Steve stood there watching you for a moment before reaching out and stopping your movements.

He turned you around and pulled you into his chest, letting you cry as much as you wanted. In this moment Steve wished more than anything that he could turn back time and stop what happened. Once you calmed down enough the recently turned super soldier pulled back to look down at you. He reaches up to wipe away the tears.

“We’ll find the others that were involved and we’ll make them pay, I promise”. 

“I’m sorry for… this.” You gestured at yourself vaguely.

“No need to be sorry sweetheart.” He gave you a chaste kiss on the forehead. Something he’s wanted to do since that night at the base. You look up at him with red rimmed eyes and give him a sad smile. The door opens and in walks Colonel Phillips and at least a dozen men. They begin to pack all of Erskine’s things.

“Hey, you can’t take that.” You argue as you pull some files away from one of them.

“Of course he can, this is government property. I’m sorry Miss but you’ll have to leave you no longer have any business being here, and you.” He points at Steve. “We have a special mission for you.” With that he walks out leaving you both frozen in place as the men work around both of you.

“Give them hell.” You tell him. 

“I intend to.” 

You gave Steve a final hug and a request to keep in touch before you watched him walk out of the door. He looked at you one final time before he disappeared. It would be months before you would see him again.

***********************************

Colonel Phillips screwed you over big time, he made sure you wouldn’t be able to sign up with the nurse corp. He stated that since you worked with Erskine it made you a target if anyone found out so really he was saving your life. Without much to do in New York you had decided to visit your aunt in Chicago to try and get away for a little bit. It ended up being a wasted trip as your aunt and new husband were headed to California a few days after you arrived but still they offered you to stay and house sit for them. 

While walking down the city streets one day you saw a flier with a very familiar looking man on it. It had your blood boiling at the thought that this was Steve’s mission. Phillips really was an idiot in your opinion, you ripped the flier from the wall and headed in the direction of this supposed show. Although you were angry that Erskine’s work was being wasted you couldn’t help but be a little relieved that Steve was safe. It’s not that you had spent so much time together but you adored him. The few times you did spend together he was a gentleman and kind. You still regret not inviting him into your room that night at the base but it was too late for that now. The little hopes you had to see him were dashed by the time you got there it was over. You had tried to ask where the performers were staying but no one would give you an answer so feeling defeated you headed out of the theater. You took off in the direction of your aunt’s home, your eyes still on the flier when you ran into someone.

“I’m sorry.” You both said at the same time. 

“Steve?” You say when you look up. Your eyes were wide and your mouth agape. 

“Y/N? What are you doing here?” He asked as he wrapped you in a hug which you returned.

“I came to see you but I missed the show.” 

“You came to Chicago to see me?” He looked down at you, it was still fascinating to you how much the serum had changed him physically. That was something else you are angry about, Phillips didn’t give you a chance to take notes after the serum had been administered to have information before and after.

“No, I came to Chicago to see an aunt, I saw the flier and thought it was you so I wanted to see it for myself.” 

He nodded as he scratched the back of his neck, you saw the embarrassment in his face but you needed to know what happened.

“Steve, why are you doing this?” 

He sighed as he looked around and then at you. Steve felt like a failure every time he had to get up on that stage. He thought of Erskine and you and all of the work you had done. Mostly he thought about how much you believed in him and how he had let you down. 

“Would you like to get some coffee or something and we can talk?”

“Yeah.”

He offered you his arm before leading you down the block. If the world wasn’t in the middle of a war and you didn’t feel at least slightly lost you would say that this was nice. Being on Steve’s arm felt natural and in all honesty you had missed him. 

Once you found a diner a few blocks down from the theater you took a booth toward the back. The waitress came by and took your drink orders and left.

“So…” you said as you looked at him. You couldn’t help yourself and you studied his face, taking mental notes of the changes in his appearance. His hair, although combed up and back so that it was out of his face, seemed healthier and his cheeks held a healthy rosy tint along with his eyes which sparkled brighter. 

“So.” He looked at you bracing himself for the disappointment he was sure to see on your face. “After that day I left with Phillips thinking he would send me overseas but he said he needed an army of super soldiers not just one man. He thought it would be more useful if I did the show to sell war bonds. It’s honestly embarrassing, I could be doing so much more if he would just let me go over there. I feel I’m back at square one except I don’t have asthma anymore.” 

“He basically blacklisted me from the nurse corp. said that by helping Erskine I put a target on my back and if they found out and I was taken, he wouldn't bother to send anyone to get me.” 

The waitress set Steve’s coffee down and your milkshake before leaving your table again.

“It seems he doesn’t really like either of us.”

“I’m going to reach out again, someone will listen. I didn’t volunteer for this to be stuck fake punching Hitler.” 

You laughed at the image and then he started laughing too. When you quieted down you sighed and looked out the window. 

“What are you thinking about?” 

“How upset Erskine would be if he knew. How much I want to make those bastards pay and how much I missed you.”

Steve reached out and gently grabbed your hand, his thumb moving back and forth over your knuckles. “I’ve thought about you every single day.” He gives you a coy smile. “Come on, let’s enjoy the city while we can.” 

Steve stood up and dropped a couple of bills before offering you his hand, which you took happily. 

You walk around the city, sometimes in silence and taking it all in but mostly getting to know each other. He tells you more about his childhood and his best friend Bucky. You tell him more about your younger brother and your own best friend. But as it gets darker you know you have to part and the thought of not seeing him again saddens you. Before you realize it you’re standing on the front porch of your aunt’s house, the key in your hand while Steve stands behind you waiting for you to open the door and go in. Neither of you really want this night to end but he’s leaving for another city in the morning and you’ll have to start packing to return back home. 

The soft click of the lock echoes in the silence between you and you push the door open before turning to look at Steve. He gave you a half smile, his eyes never leaving yours. 

“So.” You both said at the same time making you both smile. 

“I guess this is it.” He said.

“I guess so.” 

Steve walked closer and placed a hand on your waist while the other cupped your cheek. Your own rested against his chest as you looked up at him.

“I’d really like to kiss you.” 

“I’d really like it if you did.” 

Steve moved until his lips were barely touching, still giving you the chance to back away. Instead you closed the small distance as your lips crashed against his. They were soft as they moved against yours, a sweet dance that turned passionate. You felt Steve’s hand move from your cheek to your neck so that he could deepen the kiss. His tongue explored your mouth as you moaned. But all too quickly he pulled back and cleared his throat. There was a blush creeping up on his cheeks and you smiled at him. 

“Would you like a drink?”

“I should head back, we leave early.”  His hands in his pocket.

“Of course.” You say. “Take care of yourself Steve.”

“You too. Maybe I can come find you back in New York once this is all over?” 

“I’d like that.” You smile at him again. “Bye Steve.” You say before walking into the house and closing the door. 

“Goodbye sweetheart.” He said to himself when he saw the light turn on.

You leaned against the door and wished he’d come in. The thought of him leaving again was going to hurt so much more the second time around. Turning back around you opened the door hoping that he wasn’t too far. Instead you find him walking up toward the porch. Steve stops in front of the steps and looks up at you. Your body, perfectly silhouetted against the light in of the living room. Slowly you walked out and down two of the three steps and found yourself eye level with Steve. 

“Is that drink still on the table?” 

“For you it is.” You grabbed his hand and led him inside. 

Once the door was closed Steve pulled you close and turned you around to push you against the door. His lips crashed into yours, it was messy and hurried and perfect. Your arms found their way around his broad shoulders. Steve left a myriad of kisses on your cheek and jaw and onto your neck, he nipped and kissed his way down to the collar of your dress. You grabbed his face and pulled him in for another kiss, this one slow but just as needy. Once you pulled back you patted Steve on the chest twice so that he would move back. 

“We should maybe move away from the living room.” You smiled as you grabbed his hand and pulled him toward your room.

Steve stands in the doorway, wanting to get closer to you again but still giving you a chance to stop. But you don’t want to stop, instead your hands reach for the belt that sits at your waist, made of the same fabric as your dress, and you pull on it. Then you start to undo the first button, your hands moving slowly as you keep your eyes on Steve. Arching one eyebrow at him.

“Are you going to stand there all night?” 

Your question seemed to have pulled him back into the moment as he closed the gap between the both of you. His hands fall to your waist before pulling you closer. 

“Are you sure?” 

“You’re the only thing I’m sure about Steve.” 

His lips are on yours in a flash and he swallows the small gasp you let out in surprise. Steve’s hands move from your waist to the front of your dress to undo a few more buttons before he pushes it off your shoulders. Once the dress hits the floor you step out of it, Steve’s hands are on your hips.

“You’re so beautiful.” He whispers as he picks you up, walks over to the bed and sets you down. Steve’s eyes drag from top to bottom making your cheeks heat up and you realize how exposed you are to him at the moment.

You push the leather jacket he’s wearing off his shoulders before starting to unbutton his shirt. Once he’s shirtless Steve hovers over you, slightly unsure of what to do next. The feel of your hands on his bare skin makes him shudder. He would never admit at how many times he fantasized of this exact moment, or if you would ever even look at him as more than some science experiment. Steve could question your affection as much as he wanted but he knew you cared way before he ever received the serum. It was always there in the way you looked at him and the way you believed in him unconditionally. No one other than his ma and Bucky looked past the physical limitations but you did. Even now when your lips found their way to his jaw and your hands explored his body you showed him how much you wanted him. So he moved to make sure you felt how much you mean to him.

Steve’s touch was gentle but lit your skin aflame as he moved from your waist to your back to undo your bra. Your lips met his, moving in sync as your tongues fight for dominance. The feel of his hands on your breasts and the way his mouth moved down to explore your exposed chest. Steve kept his lust blown eyes on your face as his tongue swirled around your nipple. A small gasp escapes you as your hips buck against him. Your breath hitches as you feel Steve move down leaving kisses in his wake, for a moment he stops on the band of your panties. 

Those piercing blue eyes meet yours, his hands on your hips as he asks, “Can I taste you?” He hoped you didn’t hear the nervousness he felt, this was all new to him. Anything he knew was from when Bucky talked about it he just hoped that he remembered enough to make you feel good. 

“Yes.” The thought of him between your legs alone was enough to make you wet but this would be so much better. Steve slowly pulls down your panties and tosses them to the side. He leaves a trail of kisses up your calves then your thighs until he’s settled comfortably between them. He didn’t hesitate to swipe his tongue through your folds, an action that had him groaning and you bucking your hips. Steve took his time, finding what made your breath hitch just from him using his mouth so that he could do it over and over again. His tongue flicks against your clit causing you to mewl. Your hands find their way to his hair, pulling it as you begin to feel your orgasm build. 

“Steve,” You say as you feel him carefully slide a finger into your heat. Slowly he builds his pace before adding a second finger. The moan that leaves your lips when he curls his fingers is like music to his ears, and he wants to hear more. The feeling of you clenching around his fingers urges him to keep going. Steve works tongue over your clit before sealing his lips around the bundle of nerves. Your legs tremble and that coil in your belly tightens until it snaps. “I’m gonna-” you cut yourself off with a moan, your head thrown back and your eyes closed as your orgasm washes over you. 

You feel Steve move some hair out of your face and you smile as you open your eyes. 

“Was that ok?” 

You nod before pulling him down for a kiss and tasting yourself on his lips. Your hands travel down his body until you reach his trousers where you feel his hardened length. You’ve never been with a man before but you’re a nurse so that body part isn’t as foreign for you as it is for most women and one thing you know is that he’s big. But you don’t waste your time thinking about if he’ll fit, your fingers working quickly to undo the button but before you get to the zipper he stops you.

“We don’t have to do anything else if you don’t want to.”

You smile up at him, of course he doesn’t want to make you uncomfortable. “Of course I want to be with you Steve, I want everything with you.” 

He smiles down at you, his eyes bright and full of adoration and lust and his kiss swollen lips meet yours again as he lets go of your hand. The zipper is pulled down and you push down his pants before Steve kicks them off. The blonde begins to settle between your legs again before he pulls back and turns around asking for you to give him a second. You’re about to ask him if he’s ok before he bends down to grab his pants, pulling something out of his pocket. He holds it between two fingers, a condom. You sit up and move towards him, your chest pressed against his back as you kneel behind him you look over his shoulder. Grabbing it you rip open the condom, Steve turns his head to look at you confused at what you’re doing before he feels your hand on his cock. The tip already has a bead of precum as you move your thumb over it before you move up and down slowly. His breath gets caught in his throat as you move slightly faster. He wraps his hand around your wrist.

“Sweetheart, I don’t think I’ll last if you keep going.” He whispers before letting your wrist go. You kiss his cheek before moving to put the condom on and then moving back to the bed letting him settle back down between your spread legs. “Are you sure?” He asks one more time. His breath fanning across your lips as he hovers over you.

“Yes Steve, I’m sure. Please, I need to feel you.” 

You share a tender kiss as Steve lines himself up with your entrance and pushes in slowly. Once he bottoms out he rests his forehead against yours as he gives you time to adjust to his size. You feel so full with him even though there’s a little bit of pain. But you manage as you stare into those cerulean eyes that had burned themselves into your memory.

“Did you mean it?” 

“What?” You ask as you hold on to his biceps. 

“That you want everything with me. Because I’ll give you everything and anything you ask for.”

“I did, I want you.” 

His lips capture yours again as he begins to move languidly. The pain quickly morphed into pleasure the more you relaxed . Your back arches into him before you start to move against him. Steve picks up the pace as the pretty little sounds you make spur him on. He hides his face in the crook of your neck while his hands find yours, fingers intertwined above your head.

“So good Steve.” You moan as you throw your head back in pleasure. You’re on the edge again and Steve groans when you clench around him. 

Steve never thought he’d get a chance to be this intimate with a woman but now he’s glad it’s you. He’ll memorize the sounds you make, the blissed out look on your face, the way you chant his name like a prayer and the way you hold him close. Remembering how you came undone with his mouth on your clit, one of his hands snakes between both your bodies as he begins to circle where you want him most. The added stimulation has you falling off the edge with his name on your lips and your eyes closed. 

“Fuck you feel so good sweetheart.” He mutters as his pace becomes uneven. A few more thrusts has him spilling into the condom. 

Giving your hand a squeeze, Steve let’s go before shifting slightly and pulling out slowly. 

He peppers your face with kisses before moving to lay down beside you. After a few minutes you sit up and start to move towards the edge of the bed.

“Hey where are you going?” He asks, concerned.

“I’m going to Um- clean up.” 

“Don’t, stay here.” He gets up and removes the condom he used. Steve comes back with a hand towel soaked in warm water. He places a kiss on your forehead as the towel disappears under the blanket you were now covering yourself with. 

At the sensation of the towel between your legs you hiss and he stops. 

“Did I hurt you?” 

“No, I’m just a bit sensitive right now.” You move your hand to his and guide him on what to do. He discards the towel in the small laundry basket you have in the corner and gets back into bed holding his arms open for you to snuggle into him. 

Neither of you get much sleep, instead you enjoy each other’s company in comfortable silence. Time betrayed you, before you knew it Steve had to leave so that he could head to the next city on the U.S.O tour.

“I wish you didn’t have to go.” You tell him when he gets up and starts getting dressed. 

“I wish I didn’t either.” He sits at the edge of the bed with his trousers and shoes on turning to look at you. It was a mistake because Steve finds a little pout and big doe eyes looking at him. “I’ll find you back in New York alright?”

“You promise?” You mentally curse yourself for sounding so insecure but you were in a very vulnerable position at the moment. Steve had been your first and you had been his. Now you wouldn’t be sure how long it would be before you saw him again. 

“Of course I promise. I can’t leave my best girl waiting.” 

He pulls a small smile from you with that. Steve leans in to steal a quick kiss and then proceeds to put on his shoes and his shirt followed by his jacket. 

“Promise me you’ll be careful on your way back home.” 

“I will.” You had grabbed your robe and tied it around your waist so that you could walk Steve out. 

His hands sit on your hips as he looks at you fondly. 

“I’ll see you soon, I swear.”

“I know.” You stand on your toes to reach his lips, kissing him passionately before pulling away from both the kiss and him. Already missing his warmth you unlock the door and open it for him. Steve leaves a chaste kiss on your forehead before stepping out onto the porch. 

“I’ll see you soon sweetheart.”

“Take care of yourself.” You wave him off and watch him disappear before closing the door. Little did you know you would see him sooner than you would think.

****************************

Even with the limited times you’ve been on a plane you could definitely say this was the worst flight of your life. The turbulence was awful and you were sure that your grip on the armrests would break them if you had any real strength. But when Howard found you at the hospital you worked at and offered you a job that would take you overseas you jumped at the chance. Now here you sat getting ready to land in the worst plane ever made just so that you could help in the war efforts. 

“How was the trip?” You’re greeted by a smiling Howard once you were able to get out of the plane. 

“I’m never getting on one of your planes again Howard.” you glared at him before smiling. 

“Oh come on it couldn’t have been so bad if you’re standing here.” 

He moved around and grabbed your suitcase as some of the other cargo was pulled out of the plane. 

“It really was. But I’m here in one piece and that’s all that matters. Now are you going to tell me what I’m meant to be doing? I know Colonel Phillips couldn’t have agreed to have me here.”

“He doesn’t really know, but that doesn’t matter because you are here as my assistant.” He offers you his arm considering the ground was uneven before leading you into the building. Howard dropped off your suitcase in his office before leading you into the main room of the building. The tension in the room was palpable as military personnel worked with urgency setting up maps and rearranging desks. Orders were being barked at the other end of the room by an all too familiar voice. There was a group of men huddled over one particular map which is where Howard was walking before he stopped. You looked at him to find him scanning the room, he stopped a pretty blond and asked for the captain. She directed him toward a corner of the room that had some shelves filled with boxes and documents. 

“This way.” Howard said with childlike glee. It was slightly contagious and you found yourself smiling at whatever it was you were being led to. A smile that slipped when you saw Steve walking from behind one of the shelves in his uniform, but that’s not what upset you, it was the red lipstick on his lips and the woman that walked out beside him. You made eye contact with Peggy first, a smirk on her face as her hand found Steve’s. He hadn’t seen you yet, instead he was wiping away the lipstick and when he felt Peggy grab his hand he pulled away. 

“What was that for?” He questioned her but he didn’t wait for an answer as he looked up at her and followed her line of sight, to find you standing next to Howard. He cursed under his breath when he saw the way your eyes shone with unshed tears. Howard whispered something in your ear and you turned to walk away. “Y/N?” Steve moved to follow you to explain what happened but he was stopped by the man that brought you here.

“Give her a minute.” 

“What is she even doing here Stark?”

“I need an assistant, the Commandos need a nurse and this division needs someone that can figure out what Hydra is doing. She was the person closest to Erskine and his research. If anyone can figure out what they’re doing it’s her.”

“If she gets hurt because of you I’ll end you.” 

“If you must.” 

Steve shakes his head as he walks past Howard to try and find you. 

“My office, Rogers.”  Howard says over his shoulder before he turns back to look at the Brunette across from him. A scowl on her face when their eyes meet. “What the hell was that Carter?” 

“None of your business.”

“You know how much she means to him and that I was bringing her into this. Did you do that just because he refused your advances?” 

Peggy squared her shoulders and she started to walk away. “Who cares that she was there when he was small and weak, he isn’t anymore. He doesn’t realize that he can do so much better.” 

Howard shakes his head before moving to his lab and where he told you to meet him at. He knew Steve would look for you so he told him to go to his private office to at least give you a few extra minutes. When he walked through the double doors he found you looking over some of Erskine’s documents, the ones that had been taken the day he was murdered. The saddened expression on your face warns him to give you some time alone, not only because of what you saw involving Steve and Peggy but because of what you were going over currently. It was like holding onto the last piece of the man that had given you a chance, one you thought had died with him that day, but here you are and you’re going to make it count. 

You saw Steve out of the corner of your eye cautiously approach the desk you were sitting at. He cleared his throat in order to get your attention but you ignored him. It hurt to have missed him so much only to see him with someone else. Whatever excuse he had ready could wait, you weren’t here for romance, you were here to help end a war. It seemed however that Steve didn’t get the memo as he hovered beside you with his hands behind his back. You kept stealing glances at him and your resolve was slowly crumbling as you saw how handsome he looked in his uniform and how upset he looked at the fact that you were ignoring him.

Steve had enough of being ignored so he crouched down and swiveled your chair around so you had no choice but to look at him. Your eyes met his for a moment before you looked away, trying not to imagine him and Peggy kissing. 

“Sweetheart,”

“Don’t call me that.” you huff.

“What else am I supposed to call my best girl?” 

“Am I?” you fidget with a piece of thread that had been pulled from your shirt to try and keep your hands busy.

“Of course you are. Peggy just grabbed me and the moment she kissed me I pulled away.” His large hands envelope yours as he tilts his head to get a better look at you. “You gotta believe me Sweetheart. There’s no one I wanna kiss except you.”

“I guess, I could think about forgiving you.” 

“Yeah?”

“Yeah, but only because I missed you.” His eyes sparkle even against the ill lit room when you look back at him. Leaning forward your lips grace his before you ask, “It didn’t mean anything right?”

“Absolutely not.” His lips capture yours, reminding you of the softness of not only his lips but of the man that’s before you. Steve could be rough if he wanted to but instead he was gentle and sweet and this kiss was proof. He smirked when you pulled back, trying to catch your breath. Now his lips were stained with your own lipstick and his hands remained on yours, neither of you aware of the woman that watched it unfold. 

****************************************************

“What about this one?” Steve grabbed a circular shield discarded by Howard as he was showing Steve the design for his Captain America uniform. He looked at you and held it in front of him and asked, “What do you think?” 

“Let’s see.” Peggy, who had been walking by stopped, grabbed a gun that was on the table. To your horror she pointed the gun at Steve and fired it three times, all three bullets hitting the shield and then the floor. “Seems like it works.”

“What the hell is wrong with you?” You fumed behind her, she only shrugged in your direction.

“I was only testing the quality of the shield.”

“You don’t do that while someone is holding it.”

“He’ll live.” she scoffs and walks away. 

Steve handed the shield to Howard confirming that it was the one he wanted to use. Making his way over to you, Steve grabs your chin so that you can see that he’s ok. 

“Hey, I’m fine. Really.” 

“That’s not the point. She’s been nothing but a bitch since I got here. And now she’s being reckless.” You scowl.

“It’s only for a couple of more days. We’ll be heading out soon enough. Now do you have a few minutes there’s someone I want you to meet.” 

“Yeah, lead the way my Captain.” 

Steve led you down the main corridor toward what everyone referred to as the war room. It’s where the higher ups meet to make plans on where to go next. He opened the door to let you in first before walking in behind you. You found a group of men sitting around a map, none of them bothered to look up since someone was always coming and going from the room. There was a mixture of laughter and loud conversation happening amongst them.

“Hey fellas, there’s someone I would like you to meet.” The room fell quiet as all eyes fell on you and Steve, but mostly you. “This is Y/N, she’s going to be with us on the field. She’ll be acting as our nurse but also working with Stark to figure out what hydra is trying to do.” 

Steve introduces each of the men. Dugan, Jones, Morita, Falsworth and Dernier all were part of the Howling Commandos. 

“And this is Sergeant Barnes.” Steve beams at the brunette who has a smirk on his face. “My second in command and my best friend.” 

“You’re Bucky?”  Your eyes light up. 

“I sure am darling. It’s nice to finally meet you in person, thought for a minute this punk was making you up.” 

You giggle when you look back at Steve, finding him as red as a tomato due to his friend’s words. 

“Well it’s nice to meet you too. I demand you tell me all of Steve’s embarrassing stories.” 

“Oh I’ve got plenty.” he gives Steve a shit eating grin. “I like her already.” 

Steve grumbles under his breath something about being ganged up on by his girl and his friend before he starts ushering you out of the room. 

“Oh before I forget.” you stop and turn around to look at the men. “I’ll need you to come by Howard’s office first thing tomorrow, I would like to complete a check up on all of you so that I can have a baseline of where you are health wise.” 

“Yes ma’am.” they reply before waving you off. 

**************************************

You’d spent the day in your corner of the lab going over test results for the commandos. They were healthy enough considering they were in the middle of a war and about to head into dangerous missions. But right now you were looking for one person in particular. After searching the base you finally head outside to find Bucky lying down and hiding  behind some bushes. 

“What are you doing?” He jumps at the sound of your voice. 

“You shouldn’t go scaring someone that’s holding a gun darling.” He said as he rolled on to his side. At the look of concern on your face he sits up. “What’s wrong?” 

“I need to take your blood again.”

“Is something wrong? Am I sick? I don’t feel sick.” 

“No nothing like that but I’d rather double check with a newer sample before I say anything.”

“Alright well let’s go I guess.” 

He stands up, grabbing his gun and starts to follow you.

“So what were you doing?” 

“Target practice. Just trying to stay sharp, you know.” 

You hum in understanding. Stopping once in a while to let other people walk by the large field. 

“Steve’s crazy about you, ya know.” Bucky says after a beat of silence. “I don’t think I’ve seen him this happy before.” 

“I’m crazy about him too.” Warmth creeps up to your cheeks at the thought of Steve. 

“Good, just please don’t hurt him. He’s a good man and an even better friend. Also he’s talked my ear off because he’s so smitten by you. I really wouldn’t want to deal with a heartbroken Steve.” 

You laugh just as you spot Steve in the distance, walking toward both of you. “I don’t plan on hurting him one bit.” You say before the blond stops in front of you. 

“Is everything ok?” He asks with his hands on his hips. 

“Yeah I’m just going to rerun some tests on Bucky. I’ll meet you at the lab.” You tell Bucky before stealing a kiss from Steve. 

He watches you leave with a dusting of pink on his cheek. 

“Jesus, could you at least not make it so obvious you’re ogling her.” 

“I’m not. Just making sure she gets in the building safely.”

“Yeah sure. Nothing to do with imagining all the dirty things you’d -“ Steve’s hand clamps over Bucky’s mouth to shut him up.

“Don’t talk about my girl like that jerk.” 

“Sir, yes sir.” He gives a quick salute before laughing. “You hurt her though and I'll kick your ass punk.” 

“I’m not planning on it.” 

•••••••••••

After running some tests again you confirmed your suspicions. Quickly you went back to find Buck and Steve. Fortunately you find them with Howard this time. With as much as you trusted Stark this was a sensitive matter so you pulled both men into an office so that the conversation was private. 

“Bucky, do you remember what they did to you when you were held?” You ask seriously.

“It’s a bit fuzzy but I remember being on an operating table or something. That’s where Steve found me.”

“Anything other than that. No needles or syringes or medicine?” 

“Sweetheart what’s going on?”

“I do remember being strapped to a chair and someone putting a needle in my arm but I couldn’t really see what they were doing.” 

It’s what you feared and the panicked look on Bucky’s face wasn’t helping. 

“I know what Hydra is doing, or partially anyways. They’re trying to recreate Erskine’s serum.” You look between both of them. 

“Wait, so what you’re saying is that Bucky also has the serum?”

You take a deep breath as you try to gather your thoughts. 

“Yes and no. He has a version of the serum but not the same one as you. It’s missing components. So while Bucky is now stronger and more agile it’s not at the same level as you are.” 

“Is that why I can’t get drunk?” Bucky asked, stunned at the news. 

“Most likely. Now I can fix it but it will take a bit of time.”

“You can get rid of the serum?” Steve frowned at the possibility.

“No but I can create an altered version with the missing components so that you have the full effects. What do you say?” You anxiously wait for his answer. It’s a bit of a shot in the dark but why not have two super soldiers instead of one. 

“Do it.” 

“Ok, I’ll let you know when I have it ready. Also it’s better if we keep this between ourselves for now.”

Both men nod as you leave the office. Steve eyes Bucky worriedly.

“Stop staring, didn’t your Ma teach you it’s rude.” Bucky huffs. “I’m fine, I have been for weeks now. Besides, I'm in your girl’s very capable hands.” 

“You’re right. Let's finish prepping for the first mission.” 

***********************

The first mission had been a success. The commandos managed to clear out another weapons manufacturing factory for hydra. While most of them helped Stark look over some of the weapons, you had worked your way through the offices trying to find any information that might give you more insight as to how far along they are with the serum.  You knew they had something already based on Bucky’s lab results but it wasn’t the full picture. 

There were abandoned desks everywhere but you focused on offices. The higher ups in the organization would be the ones to have any important information. Time slipped away from you as you found some interesting leads but nothing on the serum. 

“There you are.” Steve’s voice broke the silence. You only hummed in acknowledgment. “What are you up to?” He asked as he rounded the corner and began to look over your shoulder. “This is all in German. Can you read it?” 

“Yeah, when I was younger my neighbor used to watch me and my brother  and she barely spoke English. We were young enough to learn German without realizing it.” 

“Ok, well we’re moving out in 5.” Steve smiles as he places a chaste kiss at the top of your head. 

“I’m done here anyways. Nothing for me but I did find some leads for you.” You stood as you handed him a notebook with a map tucked into it.

“I’ll take all the help I can get.”

“Really?” You asked, giving him a mischievous look. With every step you took forward he took one back until he was pressed between your body and the wall. An amused look gracing his face.

“Have I told you how good you look in this uniform?” 

He shakes his head, the hint of pink disappearing under the cowl he was wearing.

“Well you do. Very handsome… maybe I can take it off sometime.” Your hands found their place on Steve’s chest as you reached up to kiss him. 

“Whenever you two are done in there we’re ready to leave.” Bucky’s voice rang out. Immediately you went to the door and stuck your head out glaring at him.

“Spoilsport.” 

“You love me!” He winks at you before heading back outside. 

“No I don’t.” You shout after him. 

Steve stood at the door watching the interaction with a smile on his face.

“We should go,” he lowers his head so that he can whisper in your ear. “But trust me that I’ll let you take anything you want off of me sweetheart.” 

••••••••••���••••

As the night went on the commandos found shelter in an abandoned cabin. Dugan and Morita were first to take watch as the rest settled inside. The fireplace was being used and everyone took a corner so that they could rest. You sat on the floor by a window, writing in your notebook as you worked on a modified version of the serum for Bucky. 

“What are you working on?” Steve asked as he sat next to you.

“Research.” You looked from him to Bucky who was adding some logs to the fire. A silent understanding passed between you. 

After a few more minutes of writing you put your notebook away in the pack you carried with you. You laid your head on Steve’s shoulder and sighed, tired from the day’s events.

“Go to sleep sweetheart. I’m right here.” 

“What about you?” A yawn escapes you. 

“I’ll be fine, I’ll nap in a little bit.” 

“Ok.” You said with your eyes already closed. You felt Steve place a kiss on the top of your head before drifting off to sleep. 

***************************

The next few months were the same. Bring down a hydra base, research and move on. It was a uniquely devastating situation to be in. There were many times in which you were close to losing one or several of the commandos during those missions. Fortunately your medical pack was always stocked and if it wasn’t hydra bases had the medical supplies you needed. 

On one occasion, which caused yours and Steve’s first fight, you almost lost Falsworth after a group of hydra soldiers cornered him. He had been shot twice and although you were supposed to wait until you got the all clear from Steve to come down, you knew he wouldn’t hold on that long. So you move from your hiding spot, running for cover in between tanks and crates until you get to the fallen commando. You open your bag immediately and begin to look for what you’ll need. 

“Ok Falsworth I’m going to move your shirt.” You say as you grab the hem and pull up. He winces between ragged breaths. 

“Yo-you shouldn’t.” He groans as you touch the entry points to clean the area. “Be here. Rogers, he-he’ll be mad.” 

“And that will be my problem when the time comes, but I’m not gonna let you die out here.” 

There’s an explosion somewhere behind you and gunfire picks up. 

“Behind you.” Falsworth warns and you turn in time to see hydra soldiers, guns drawn and headed towards you. 

“Shit.” 

You jump over Falsworth and grab his gun. Turning, you aim and fire, taking down one soldier. Another one falls as you shoot the third. Dropping the gun you turn back to your patient and work quickly, removing the bullets before stitching him up. 

“Well look at that, it seems like you’ll live another day.” Dugan said as he approached. It’s when you realized the gunfire had ceased. Dugan helps Falsworth up. 

“He’ll need rest for a couple of days but he should be good.” You tell Dugan, “I’ll keep an eye on the healing to make sure you don't get an infection.” 

Dugan pulled Falsworth with him and you kneeled to grab your medical bag from the floor. Two sets of footsteps approached as you finished grabbing your tools and putting them back in your bag. 

“What were you thinking? You can’t just run down into the field like that.” Steve said sternly when he stopped in front of you. 

“I was thinking that I was going to help someone that was hurt. A fellow soldier and a friend.” You looked at him, he was staring at you with a mixture of worry and anger. Bucky, who was standing beside him, was slightly amused although you could tell he had also been worried. “Thank you for the back up Buck.”

“You’re welcome darling.” 

“That was dangerous and reckless.” 

Bucky took a few steps back until he was able to sneak away from the impending lover’s quarrel. You moved around Steve to head towards the now abandoned building. 

“That’s rich coming from you.” 

“What is that supposed to mean?”

“It means.” You stopped and turned around to find Steve right behind you. “You’re reckless all the time.”

“It’s my job.”

“And it’s mine too. We’re in the middle of the war. It's dangerous all the time and I wasn’t going to let someone die if I can help them.” 

Steve put his hands on his hips and sighed. He knew you were right but just the thought of losing you scared him. You gave him hope for a future he thought he would never have and as long as you were both in the middle of this war there was a chance that he could lose it. Ever since you came into his life, especially after Chicago, he began to dream of settling down and having a family. Steve wanted everything with you but he also knew that you wanted more than to just be a housewife. It was something he admired deeply and he would be there to support you all the way. Still he cared about you so much that his instinct was to protect you more than anything else. 

“I’m going inside.” You said before turning back and walking towards the building. 

“I’ll keep an eye on her Cap.” 

“Thanks Jones.” Steve said as Jones walked by. He turned to the other commandos to find them watching him, talking amongst themselves. Joking as they shook their heads at the blond super soldier. “What?”

“Nothing.” 

They liked to tease him, it was very obvious the way he looked at you with heart eyes. They didn’t dare tease you though. You were like a little sister to them but you were fierce and you weren’t scared to put them in their place if needed. 

“Hey Cap, she said she needs you and Barnes in there.” Jones had walked out about half an hour later. 

“Thanks Jones.” 

Bucky and Steve made their way into the building. All that was there was scattered papers and fallen hydra soldiers but they passed by everything and headed towards the lab where Jones said you would be at. They found you hunched over some documents and your notebook as you wrote quickly. 

“Is everything ok?” Steve asked as they walked in.

“I finished it.” You looked up with a smile. “I found what I needed to complete the formula and I have everything I need here I can finish the serum. What do you say?” 

“Let’s do this.” Bucky nodded, he was terrified but ever since Steve found him he hadn’t felt quite himself. He hoped this would be what was missing. 

Both men watched as you moved around the room as if you’d always worked there. You turned when you were ready and you motioned for Bucky to sit on an exam table. He removed his jacket and rolled up his sleeve and watched as you cleaned an area on his forearm. Steve stood just behind you and watched as you injected Bucky with the modified serum, waiting for something to happen. 

“That should be it.” You say as you step back and look at Bucky.

“Is something supposed to happen?”

“No-“ you’re interrupted by Bucky’s quick and shallow breathing. His hand comes to his chest and his eyes go wide. “Bucky tell me what’s wrong.” You say as you rush back to him but he falls to his side with eyes closed. He’s not breathing anymore and you try not to panic. 

“Buck!” Steve called out but he felt stuck where he stood. 

You moved to lay bucky flat on his back to figure out what was wrong when he sits back up causing you to scream.

“I’m just playing darling.” He says before he starts laughing at your startled expression. Steve has his head thrown back and his hand on his chest laughing at what happened.

“That’s not funny!” You cross your arms over your chest and glare at the brunette.

“Oh come on, you should have seen your face.” 

Bucky jumps off the table and throws an arm around your shoulder, as he continues to laugh. You fail miserably to hide your smile before elbowing him in the ribs and walking away from his grasp.

“I’m sorry darling. I just couldn’t help it.”

“You’re not sorry at all.” 

“You’re right I’m not.” He gives you a shit eating grin.

“Come on, I need to take your blood.” 

Bucky sits back up on the table and lets you do what you need to do before you dismiss him. You move towards the microscope with your notebook and the blood sample in hand, aware that Steve is still in the room.

“Everything looks good.” You say after a few minutes. 

“That’s good.” 

“Yeah.” You say as you look back up at Steve. 

“I’m sorry.”

“So am I Steve.”

He walks closer to you with a hand stretched out and you take it. Steve pulls you towards him.

“I just want to keep you safe. So that we can go back home and I can take you on a proper date.” 

“What are we doing on this proper date?” You say as your arms wrap around his neck.

“I have it all planned out but it’s a surprise.”

“I like surprises.” 

“Me too sweetheart.” Steve leans down to capture your lips in a sweet kiss. 

“Come on, let's stop these assholes so we can go home.” 

“Language.” 

You smile over your shoulder as you pull him out of the lab.

************************************

Howard had managed to take the commandos from their last location in the middle of nowhere back to France. The commanding officers Colonel Philips included wanted an update from Steve so that they could figure out the next steps. The end of the war was near and everyone knew it. And as the holidays happened to be near you were given a small reprieve from being out chasing down hydra. The commandos had been given a few bedrooms at a hotel that was abandoned and then turned into a command center. Everyone enjoyed being able to shower properly and have some privacy. 

Before you’re able to walk into the bathroom there’s a knock on your door and you’re not surprised to find Steve on the other side. When you open the door he rushes inside already dressed in his formal uniform looking as handsome as ever. His arms wrap around your waist as he kicks the door closed and pushes you against it. His lips find yours in a heated kiss and when he pulls away you’re gasping for air.

“Hi.” 

“Hi.” You giggle. 

“I feel like we’ve been here before.” He teases.

“Mm-Hmm. Chicago was very special.” 

“It was. But I’m only here for a few minutes. I know you’re going to get ready for tonight. I just wanted to give you something.” He pulls a slim box out of his pocket and presents it to you. “I got this back home, after Chicago. Thought I was going back to New York instead of heading to war.”

You reach out and open it to find a gold necklace with a heart shaped locket. “Steve, it’s beautiful.” When you open the locket you find a picture of Steve tucked inside and you smile. 

“Since I have your picture in my compass I thought that you could, I don’t know, have mine here.” 

“It’s perfect, I love it. I’ll never take it off.” 

You placed the locket in the box before wrapping your arms around him again and kissing him deeply. 

“I’ll-uh I’ll let you get ready I’ll see you down there ok.” 

“Ok.” You smile up at him before taking the necklace from him.

The pub is full of soldiers, laughter and music. All eyes are on you as you walk in. You had to remember to thank Howard before the night was done for convincing you to bring a dress with you. Your hair was up and out of your face and your make up was minimal and you wore the locket Steve had given you happily. The commandos were sitting towards the back and close to the bar. From the sound of their lively conversation it seemed like most of them were already drunk and the sight of several empty glasses confirmed it. 

“There she is!” Dugan pointed as you walked toward their table. The other men whistled and whooped as you got closer. “Well don’t you clean up nice.” 

“Well thank you Dum Dum, I could say the same for you. Even Barnes looks presentable.” 

“Darling you wound me.” Bucky places a hand over his heart with a pout on his face. 

“Yeah well it’s what you deserve.” You feel a hand on your lower back and turn to see Steve standing next to you.

“You look beautiful, sweetheart.” 

“You look quite dashing yourself.” 

This causes the others to tease as you both stare at each other with heart eyes and matching dopey grins. 

“Dance with me?” He says with an outstretched hand.

“Of course.” 

“We want a dance too.” You hear Falsworth call out.

“I’m sure Steve will be more than happy to dance with all of you once we’re done.” You wink at them before turning and walking towards the makeshift dance floor.

The small band made up of soldiers started playing a slow song. One of Steve’s hands went to your waist while the other held your hand, leaving you to put your free hand on his shoulder. 

“I have to be honest, I'm not really good at dancing.” he confessed, almost as if it were an actual sun.

“You’ve never danced before?” 

“Not really, no girls wanted to dance with me before.”

“Idiots.” You scoff.

“Would you?” He asked as he swayed with you.

“Would I what?”

“Have danced with me, you know before the serum.” 

“Of course I would have. Pre Serum you has a very special place in my heart.” You smile up at him. 

“I love you.” Steve said it so easily it was like he had said it a thousand times before and not for the first time ever. 

“I love you too.” 

Both his hands are on your waist as he pulls you in and kisses you, passionately and deep. The hoop and hollering from the commandos have you pulling back sooner than you would have liked. 

“Well this is a nice first date.”

“Absolutely not. I want a proper first date and I have it all planned out.”

“So what is this plan?”

“Nuh-uh, it’s a surprise.” He smiles before giving you another kiss. “I will tell you that it will be the start of the rest of our lives.”

“I like the sound of that.”

When the music stops Bucky walks up and asks for a dance which you happily accept. The song is slightly more up beat and you can tell that he is definitely the more experienced dancer. You laugh with Bucky as he spins you around and he tells you stories of his and Steve’s adventures. Half way through the dance you see Howard and Peggy walk in. She makes her way to Steve quickly which earns an eye roll from you. 

This time when the music stops Howard walks over, without asking he takes your hand and leads you in a dance. But your eyes are on Steve who reluctantly accepts Peggy’s invitation for a dance. 

“With the look on your face someone might think I’m a terrible dance partner.” Howard’s voice cuts through your thoughts. 

“Sorry, it’s just…” you motion with your head towards them.

“Ah yes, well you shouldn’t worry. Steve only had eyes for you, no matter how much Peggy throws herself at him.” 

“Well she looks pathetic, and desperate.” 

Howard chuckles at your words. 

“How is the research going?” 

“It’s going well. Did you get the information I sent you?”

“Yes I did very interesting but something is missing.”

“I agree, but I’m close to the last part of the serum’s breakdown. I think we’ll have a new version out soon. Hydra isn’t even close to it from what I’ve found.” 

“Well at least that’s good news.” 

You look over to see Steve stepping away and leaving Peggy in the middle of the dance floor. He looks furious and he heads out the door. 

“Howard, if you'll excuse me.” 

“Of course. It was good seeing you stay safe.” 

“You too.” You head out the door and look for Steve, finding him around the corner from the building. 

“Hey what’s wrong?” 

“Nothing. I just left before I said something I would regret to Peggy.” 

“Do you want to talk about it?” 

“She wanted to go back to my room. I told her that I wasn’t interested. I love you but she won’t accept that. And- you know what it doesn’t matter because I’m here with you.”

“So would you be willing to go back to my room with me?” You say with a bit of a smirk.

“I’d go to the ends of the earth with you, sweetheart.” 

“Come on then, the end of the earth is this way.” 

He chuckles as he lets you grab his hand and pull him down the street toward the hotel you’re staying at. Not even halfway through the walk some soldiers get into a fight and Steve stops.

“Why don’t you go on ahead, I’ll take care of them.” 

“Ok.” You kiss his cheek. “I love you.” You whisper before you keep walking down the street. 

Right as you’re about to walk into your room you feel hands around your waist and you turn your head to look at Steve and panic sets in. You fight to try and free yourself from the hold whoever it is has on you but it’s not working. The hotel is practically empty and no one hears your pleas for help.

In that moment you knew that the last time you ever saw Steve was down in that street.

*********************************

You take a deep breath as your eyes flutter open. The cold from the chamber you’re in seeps into your bones. You feel disoriented as the chamber door opens and you wait for whoever is going to drag you into the lab but no one comes. On shaky legs you step out, holding on to the edge of the cryogenic chamber and you look around. The room is empty which is unusual. It’s usually full of hydra soldiers and technicians but you finally think it’s your chance to escape. You aren’t even sure how long it’s been since they put you in there but it doesn’t matter. If you can escape and find anyone you can hopefully get back to Steve and that’s all you want. Knowing him, he’s probably blaming himself for what hydra did. You open the metal door slowly, listening for anyone that might be wandering in the corridor. When you’re satisfied that it’s empty you walk out. The silence is good you think, it might mean that Steve and the commandos found you and they’re just working their way down to this level. 

After a few more steps you see someone turn a corner and you’re stuck where you stand. Not sure if they’re friend or foe you panic thinking they might be the latter.

“Y/N?” 

You recognize that voice. It’s a friendly voice and you’re flooded with relief. They walk closer and the light from the window illuminates Bucky’s face.

“Y/N, is that really you?” 

“Bucky!” You choke out before you take a few steps towards him. Bucky bridges the gap as he drops his weapons. His arms wrap around you in a comforting hug.

“Oh darling, I didn’t think I’d see you again.” 

You can’t even respond as you cry into his chest. 

“We have a friendly I’ll be right up.” 

You look up at him confused as to who he might be talking to but he ignored the look you gave him.

“Can you walk?”

“Barely. I’m not sure how long I’ve been in that thing.” Your throat is dry and your voice comes out raspy.

“It's ok, I’ve got you. Just give me a sec.” 

He grabs the gun he had dropped and he holsters it before scooping you up bridal style. He moves fast up the hallways and climbs the stairs two or three at a time. Bucky held on tight to you, he was shocked that he’d found you well and he was sure that the news of you being ok. You blinked a few times trying to adjust to the bright rays of the sun, it made you wonder how long had hydra kept you in those labs. 

“Can you open your eyes for me darling?” 

You blink slowly as you look up at Bucky. He gives you a lopsided smile before moving around you. You were currently strapped down in a seat but Bucky was there so you weren’t scared.

“You’re most likely dehydrated so we’re going to give you an IV ok.” 

“Did you replace me as the team nurse?” 

You hear him chuckle beside you. It is when you first look around and you’re again confused by your surroundings and then wherever you’re in moves. 

“It’s ok, You’re on a jet.” Bucky reassures you. “Clint is flying the jet.” Bucky pointed toward the front of the plane. “And this is my friend Nat, she’s going to help with the IV.” 

You look over to find a redhead walking towards you. She nods and gives you a small smile. She’s wearing a black suit that’s very form fitting and you look at her confused. Nat works quickly and sets up the IV, only doing so because Bucky’s hands were shaking so much.

“When did they change the nurses uniform? Have I been out that long?” You ask and you notice the way Nat looks at Bucky, concern written on her face and you turn to look at Bucky. He won’t meet your eyes. “Bucky, what’s going on? And where’s Steve and the others?” 

“Darling…” his voice cracks and a tear slips down his cheek. 

“Buck please, how long has it been since the night at the pub?” 

“It’s been 72 years.” He whispers and you gasp. 

“That’s not possible. Where are the others? Howard and Dum Dum, the rest of the commandos?” 

He looks at you with tears in his eyes before he looks away. Bucky shakes his head. They’re gone, all of them and it breaks your heart. How is it possible you had seen them a few weeks ago, they were supposed to find you and everything was going to be ok. You cry for all of your friends.

“Steve’s alive.” Nat offers.

“Did he live a good life?” 

“Barely, he’s missed you too much. He blames himself.” 

“Will you take me to see him?” 

“As soon as we land. I promise. Why don’t you get some rest.”

“I still don’t understand how you look so young.”

“I’ll tell you later.”

“Ok.” You say before your eyes close.

*****************************

“Darling, wake up.” Bucky says. “Y/N are you with me?” 

“I am.” 

“Let’s get you up.” You open your eyes to see him stand and move around to undo the IV. “We’re going to land in about 5 minutes.”

“Ok.” 

You look down as you prepare yourself for whatever is going to happen next. If it really had been so long since you were taken that means you have no one left and you weren’t sure how you were going to survive now. Bucky was there and of course he would help you, you know that but your family is gone and you never had a chance to say goodbye. The life you wanted next to Steve is gone too. The thought of seeing him is turning your stomach into knots and you can’t even picture him looking much older. You try to picture him with graying hair but it hurts too much that you didn’t get to grow old together. 

“Alright darling let’s go.” Bucky offers you his arm as he leads you down the ramp of the jet. 

There’s two men waiting by the landing pad. One of them was shorter with glasses while the other was taller and he was vaguely familiar. Nat and who you assume is Clint walk by you and into the building.

“Y/N this is Dr. Bruce Banner and this is Tony Stark, Howard’s son.” Bucky introduces you and you stare at Tony wide eyed. 

“Hi, I-uh I worked with your father.” 

“I know, he talked about you all the time.” 

“And I’m a fan of your work.” Bruce offered his hand and you gladly accepted it. 

“My work?”

“Yes, your notebook that was recovered in your room. It had a lot of great work in it. I’d love to go over it with you and show what scientists were able to do with your information.”

“I would like that very much.” You gave both men a small smile.

“I know that you must be feeling confused about all of this.” Tony waved his hand around. “But just know that we have a place for you here and if you need anything you just let me know.” 

“Thank you Tony.” 

“Alright we have one more stop before we get you settled.” Bucky says as he guides you towards the entrance. You follow him down a hallway and go up a few floors, having to stop a few times because you’re just tired. Bucky tries to explain the different floors but you can’t keep up. As you turn a corner Bucky explains that you're in the housing section of the compound and that most of the avengers, which he also explained on the way to this floor, lived at. Nat was already standing at a specific floor with another man. 

“You must be Y/N, it’s great to finally meet you. I'm Sam.” He walks over to you and offers you his hand which you shake.

“Hi Sam.” 

“The door is locked.” Nat informs Bucky, causing him to sigh.

“Friday, unlock the door.” 

“Sergeant James Barnes access granted.” You hear someone say and you look around for the source.

“That was the building talking.” 

“What?” 

“I’ll explain later. Come in.” Bucky opens the door and you look at Sam and Nat as they both take a black square out of their pockets.

“What are those?” You ask them.

“Later.” They say in unison. 

You walk in behind Bucky into an apartment. Although everything you’ve seen so far is new and you don’t understand half of it, this place feels like home. It has many of the things you do recognize and you think it belongs to Bucky but then you hear him call out. 

“Hey punk, get out here.” 

Your heart starts racing at the thought of seeing Steve so soon. There’s no going back now. Before you can escape you hear a door open and you brace yourself to see the love of your life. Then your breath hitches because he’s standing across the living room and he looks upset. Bucky  and Sam are blocking you from his view but you can see him clearly. He’s still the Steve you left behind. 

“What is it?” He asks as he plays with something in his hand.

“I have a surprise for you.” 

“Buck I’m not in the mood fo-“ his words are caught in his throat when Bucky moves to the side. Steve’s mouth was slightly parted and his eyes were open wide as he stared at you.

“Steve.” You say softly, your voice still slightly raspy but it’s music to his ears. 

Steve is stuck, frozen in place and he feels as if the wind’s been knocked out of him. You stood in front of him looking exactly how you did the night he lost you. He wanted to touch you, to hold you in his arms so that he knew it wasn’t another dream but he swore his feet were glued down. It didn’t matter because you moved towards him, in fact you ran and his arms opened just in time to catch you. And suddenly it wasn’t a dream anymore because you were there and he felt your tears on his shirt. When you pulled back he looked into those bright eyes he adored so much. 

“Sweetheart. Please tell me I’m not dreaming.” He whispered. 

“I’m here. This is real.” 

You cupped his face with both your hands and he put his forehead against yours. As his tears fell you wiped them away. 

“I’ve missed you so much. I’m sorry I didn’t find you. I should have tried harder.”

You pulled him in with a kiss to quiet his apology. He kissed you back with everything he had. 

“It’s not your fault. Hydra knew I worked with Erskine, they wanted the formula. I know you did everything you could to find me.” 

“It wasn’t enough.” 

“I’m here now and so are you. That’s all that matters.”

“They’re so cute. I’m gonna send this to everyone.” You heard behind you and you turned to find Sam, Nat and Bucky watching you, each of them with a smile on their face. 

“Ok that’s enough.” Steve tells them.

“Oh come on, she’s my friend and I did find her.” 

“But she’s my girl, now get out.” 

“I’ll see you later though right Bucky?” 

“Of course darling.” He walked towards you and wrapped you in another hug and as he pulled away you noticed his left arm. “It’s a long story and I’m sure I’ll explain everything later.” He kissed your forehead and left, taking Nat and Sam with him.

“Sweetheart, are you ok?” 

“No, yes, maybe. I just can’t believe it’s been 72 years.” You turn to look at him. “How do you still look the same age?” 

Steve sat you down and explained everything that happened after you disappeared. He told you about everything they did to try and find you and Bucky’s fall from the train. His fight against Red Skull and how he said you were dead. The plane full of bombs that he crashed and how he himself woke up in the future.  

“Steve, I can't imagine how that must have been for you.” 

“It doesn’t matter anymore.” He cupped your cheek, his thumb swiping back and forth while he looked at you. Steve studied your face and you did the same. “I have something for you.” 

“What?” 

He pulls out what he was playing with when he first walked out from his pocket.

“My locket!” 

“I found it on the floor that night.” You turned so he could put it on.

“I know there’s a lot for you to figure out, so what do you want to do first? Are you tired, do you want to rest?”

You shake your head. “I want what you promised me.” 

“What I promised?” He tilts his head slightly confused.

“Yes, a date. A proper one.”

Steve smiled and pulled you into his lap so that you could straddle him. You yelped in surprise as your hands landed on his chest. One hand was on your waist while the other cupped your cheek.

“A proper date it is.” He said before pulling you in to kiss you. 

Part 2

permanent tag list: @kunaikunari @rebekahdawkins @cjand10 @nalny5 @oliviafc15 @sturchling @angywritesstuff @seitmai @writing-for-marvel @goldylions @darkhairedmenrule @little—baby—bear @almosttoopizza @littleseasiren

[honeyciders]

get to know me game because i’m bored & want to annoy my friends!

birthday: feb 22

favourite colour: sage green

do you have pets? yes i have a cat

how tall are you? 5’5 last time i checked (3 years ago)

how many pairs of shoes do you own? like four? a pair of sneakers, two pairs of sandals, and one pair of heels :)

favourite song: idk i listen to the same ten songs on repeat

favourite movie: tangled

who would be your ideal partner? kim mingyu/loki someone who is kind & friendly and tries to get to know me before asking me out

what colour socks are you wearing? i’m not wearing socks HAHA

favourite type of music: whatever genre arctic monkeys is (google said it was indie rock?) + pop/k-pop

how many pillows do you sleep with? 2!

what position do you sleep in? on my tummy or on my side

what don’t you like when you’re sleeping? people who move around a lot

what do you have for breakfast? coffee..........

have you ever tried archery? no i have not but i know my bsf used to do archery in high school & i think that’s so cool

favourite fruit: kiwis!

are you a good liar? nope i end up laughing

what’s your personality type? when i last took the test it was intp, but i think it may have changed now

left-handed or right-handed? right-handed

favourite food: gobi/paneer/baby corn manchurian

favourite foreign food: cheesecake

am i clean or messy? a bit of both

most used phrase: while texting, it’s probably “CRYING 😭😭😭”. irl it’s probably “i’m not even kidding”.

how long does it take for you to get ready? around forty five minutes maybe?

do you talk to yourself? only when i’m solving complex questions & i need to verbalise my thoughts

do you sing to yourself? all the damn time

are you good singer? i think so....?

biggest fear: darkness and failure LMFAO

are you a gossip? yes

do you like long or short hair? long hair

favourite school subject: when i was in school i really liked biology, maths and physics!

extrovert or introvert: ambivert

what makes you nervous? exams lol

who was your first real crush? there was this violin player who played at a concert in my house LOL i think i was in the 2nd grade

how many piercings? one on each ear!

how many tattoos? 0

how fast can you run? i used to run fast in, like, school competitions & stuff but now i can barely climb the stairs at uni without needing to sit down immediately after

what colour is your hair? black

what colour are your eyes? black/dark brown?

what makes you angry? misogyny. also this one Guy in my class

do you like your name? like my pen name or my real name because i love both

what are your strengths? no matter how much i dislike/complain about a task i will always get it done on time. & i think i’m Enthusiastic about Certain Things and if i set my mind to something, i will get it no matter what

what are your weaknesses? i’m SUPER indecisive and impulsive and i overthink a lot

what is the colour of your bedspread? currently it is light blue with orange floral patterns

colour of your room: pink and yellow!

this was so many questions but i found it somewhere and i was bored so 😭 tagging the gc fellows @liliansun @alohajun @haechanhues & @rum-gone-why

[mrhaitch]

Hihi! This is my first ever ask for you, and I’m quite nervous actually, (I was when I was sending one to Haitch too, I kinda look up to both of you in more ways than one and both of your writing makes my brain tingle✨)

So, my question is more along the lines of seeking your opinion as I feel, you might be the best person who can answer this. (Haitch is welcome to answer it too…I will def appreciate it)

So, being a straight-A student all my life, I made the people around me surprised and kinda miffed when I announced that I wanted a degree in English literature, when any college possible was readily accepting me for any degree in science (which the people around me were subtly nudging me towards. I mean I’m an Asian..it’s a given that they expected me to inevitably go for the most obvious choice)

After six years of grueling and being told over and over that my career has no fruitful future in my country, and an undergrad degree later, I am just a year away from completing and getting a masters degree in English literature. And the self doubt is finally setting in. There are moments where I feel like is it even worth it? Because my end goal is to become a professor.

And I know that it’s gonna be a mediocre pay—which is not the source of my worries, honestly I love literature too much to care—the thing that worries me is, the amount of time it’s gonna take to reach the said end goal.

See, in my country, you gotta clear a national level competitive exam to get a chance to even be an assistant professor in any university. The pass rate is low so to speak. And then I gotta start my PhD. So the thing that scares me is, what If after so much toiling and feeling like I’ve been doing nothing but study, for the entirety of my life, what if I end up actually hating the thing I love?

I just can’t help but feel a bit lost, and I’m scared about losing face in front of the people I stood up against. So as a person who has been a professor—of English literature no less— I need you to lay it straight to me.

Is it worth it? Should I keep going? Because to be honest, keeping my worries aside, I have been eagerly looking forward to that little me I envisioned doing something I love.

Because all this endless studying (I’ve also been trying to learn French since the last 4 years) is giving me a little burnout.

Okay. First things first, take a deep breath as it sounds like you're putting yourself under a lot of pressure so take a moment.

Academia is highly demanding, competitive, undervalued, and underpaid as career paths go. Much of the work you'll do (research, applying for grants, etc) will be unpaid and you'll do it for the love of it, and because it's the only way to secure and keep your job. I'm still very early in my career - I taught for two years and still haven't secured a permanent post as my publishing record still isn't to the required standard. It's likely that I'll be spending the next two to five years undertaking unpaid research, pursuing publications, and attending conferences in my own time and with my own money - all with the hope it'll get me a permanent position.

It still might not.

Even if I do succeed what awaits me is an ever dwindling pension rate, the promise of grotesque levels of overwork and an ever diversifying workload where academics are being required to take on more and more administrative tasks, ON TOP of their research, teaching, and pastoral responsibilities.

And no one will thank me - in the UK academics are heavily criticised by the press and the public at large.

But I'll still do it, I'll still chase it.

The main question is why? (Or as I had to say in terrible workshops I was forced to run in my previous job: 'what's your why?')

Academia is like healthcare, or policing, or social work, or any traditional vocational role: you tend to already know if it's what you want, and what you're going to push yourself beyond all reason to get to. You know it's hard, and unpleasant, and thankless, but part of you doesn't care - you'll likely do it anyway.

Burn out is a risk, as it is with any demanding career paths. You'll likely have many moments where you'll want to quit, or take up sewing, or anything at all that isn't what you're currently doing. There'll also be moments where it all feels worth it - looking out across a classroom and seeing a student fully understand what you're saying, that they get it; or having colleagues read your work and engage with it like it's a valuable contribution; or speaking in front of an engaged audience who value and appreciate what you're doing.

I have no definitive answers for you. I don't know your situation, I don't know your country or what the academic culture is there - I can only speak from my own experiences and from what I know.

What I can say is this: if this is what you want, truly and deeply, then go in with both eyes open. Never forget the challenges or the problems, never let yourself be lulled into a fantasy: know what you're doing and your reasons for doing it. Do it because you love it, because you'll need that love. Do it because you have something to say, something to put out into the world because that will be the thing that keeps you going when it's hard.

If this is what you want, be prepared to fail and fail often. Be prepared to be frustrated, and for people to suggest you quit and try something else (they mean well, mostly).

But also be prepared to be utterly smitten with and moved by your work, by your students, by that feeling of contributing to the ever deepening well of human knowledge. It's beautiful, it's bad, but it's beautiful.

[jujumin-translates]

Sakuya Sakuma | [SSR] MANKAI Crepe | A Crepe Bouquet - Part 1

Part 1 / Part 2 / Part 3

Citron: Good afternoon, Madam! You seem in a good blued today~!

Fukatsu: Oh, you’re trying to say, “in a good mood”! You’re still as funny as ever Cito-chan.

Citron: Thank you!

Citron: By the way. What was it you wanted to talk to me about?

Fukatsu: Ah, right, right, I have an acquaintance who runs a crepe wagon. They usually hire students to work, but…

Fukatsu: They’re having staffing issues because all those kids are going to be out for exams.

Citron: Oh, that sounds like a problem!

Fukatsu: So they’re looking for people to help fill in for the time being.

Fukatsu: Hey, Cito-chan, do you know anyone? You must have lots of friends and acquaintances, right?

Fukatsu: They’ll of course pay you for it, and there’s a training period, so there’s no need to worry if you don’t have experience.

Citron: If you are the one asking me to do it, I must accept, Madam! I’ll talk to everyone at the dorms about it first.

Fukatsu: Thank you so much! By the way, here’s the shop name--.

· • —– ٠ ✤ ٠ —– • ·

Sakuya: Ah, Citron-san!

Citron: Oh, Sakuya! I thought you were working until this evening.

Sakuya: The shop was pretty calm, so we closed up at lunch. That happens a lotta days.

Sakuya: Where have you been, Citron-san?

Citron: Having tea with one of the ladies I know! She was asking for some help.

Sakuya: Oh, really? I hope she can get that help soon…

Citron: I need to talk to everyone else about helping! I want to talk to you and the others when we get back.

Sakuya: Got it!

· • —– ٠ ✤ ٠ —– • ·

Kazunari: Mh~, this pear crepe is supes tasty and good! The line in front of the wagon was like, way too long, but it was totally worth it~!

Banri: I usually just get them from the usual cafe, but the sweet potato and the chai latte one were both hella good.

Director: Wow, they all sound so good. I’ll have to go some time.

Sakuya: We’re home.

Citron: We are home!

Director: Welcome back.

Sakuya: Waah, those crepes look really good!

Kazunari: Yeah! I swung by a crepe shop on my way home from uni and bought ‘em~.

Kazunari: There was this super cute, inste-able wagon and they all looked totally good! Major hype around that place!

Sakuya: Now I kinda wanna go there too…!

Kazunari: BTW, the store’s name is “Epoch de Crepe”--.

Citron: Aha! That’s exactly the store!

Director: Eh?

Banri: What is it?

Citron: I need to talk to you about that crepe shop!

· • —– ٠ ✤ ٠ —– • ·

Kazunari: I gotcha~, so that’s why there was a poster on the side of the wagon looking for part-time workers.

Director: From what I’ve heard, that place is pretty popular, so the shortage is pretty severe. I’d love to help out myself, but… Could you guys do it?

Citron: It was one of the madams’ requests, so of course I will!

Citron: But I heard that they need around three people to help, so I’m not enough.

Sakuya: Well then, let me help too!

Sakuya: My part-time jobs haven’t been very busy lately, so I think I should be able to do it.

Citron: Thank you, Sakuya. That will be much help!

Banri: That said, can you guys really help out at a crepe shop?

Citron: You can count on us! I’ll be able to handle anyone in line!

Sakuya: I do customer service and cashiering at some of my regular part-time jobs, and I’m sure I'll be able to adjust my shifts, so I’ll be fine.

Banri: Nah, not just the customer service part…

Citron: Anyway, two is not enough. So I must find someone else!

Kazunari: Ah, wait a sec, RonRon!

Kazunari: I think Settzer said earlier that he’s relatively free right now. So maybe he could help ya out…!?

Citron: I would be blightly nervous if you came, Banri! But I’d love to have you join us!

Banri: Well, whatever. And it’s “slightly”.

Director: Well then, I guess we’ve got our three!

Banri: Yep.

Sakuya: I’ll do my best!

Citron: Now that it’s decided, let’s do our best to bring in even more customers than the usual workers~!

· • —– ٠ ✤ ٠ —– • ·

Citron: Hello! We’re the people Fukatsu-san sent to help.

Sakuya: We’ll do our best!

Banri: What he said.

Shop Owner: I’ve been waiting on this, so I’m really thankful for the help! Let me start by explaining the schedule.

Shop Owner: I don’t think you’ll be able to bake the crepes right away, so you’ll just be in a training period for a while--.

Citron: Eh?

Sakuya: Bake?

Banri: Ugh… I told you you wouldn’t be able to do this.

[redemption-of-zuko]

It’s mid-2024.

I’m just on the verge of graduating (still in clinic for 3 more weeks, but done with theory!), I’m planning my wedding in exactly a year’s time, worrying about my bach party this December, thinking about the ADEX exams, hoping my friends and family are thinking of me and haven’t forgotten me, stressing about my living situation once I’m out of México, and just, in general, going through all the emotions of being at a *very* pivotal moment in my life.

My fiancé is taking a huge portion of his licensure exam in 1.5 months, and I’m excited beyond belief for him to finally get past that hurdle! I myself took the exam and passed in April, so I know he can, too. Now that classes are over for me, I’ve been doing my best to cater to him by cooking our meals, cleaning around the house, and giving him the space to lock in. But…

Today, I just had a sort of bad day. My appointment in the morning went well, but started off horribly. I left my wax rim at home and had to RUN at 7:50am to pick it up, rushed my appointment so that my patient could get to work by 9, and then I was told by the lab that they needed certain documents from me which required me to go back to school and ask for signatures. It worked out because I needed to pick up my total case anyways, but STILL so fucking annoying.

After that, I went to Fantasias Miguel to buy some crafts for my dad. I’m making him a bouquet of beers, chips, candy, and alllllla that for his birthday. Figured I could make something nice for the man who can afford anything he wants.

So while I’m out, I ask my fiancé to order some groceries and one of the ingredients was sandwich ham which goes for like less than 70 pesos here. The shopper couldn’t find the specific one ordered and asked if we wanted a replacement with a bougie 192 pesos ham and my fiancé approved it without thinking twice. I was finally over my bad mood as soon as I got home from centro but that put me in a sour mood again, and I’m all pissy. It’s not about the ham, it’s about the fact that he didn’t bat an eyelash at spending 192 pesos on ham. Or more like, he didn’t even know and just approved it without thinking. This is a small occurrence, but I wouldn’t be feeling such strong feelings if his money spending habits weren’t so bothersome to me. Because it completely is. It’s BOTHERSOME.

I have to hold my tongue so much because we’ll never see eye to eye… and I only stop myself because he’s spending his family’s money. He gets a good allowance every two weeks for him to spend on whatever he wants. His parents never take away from his account so I know that he can choose to spend or save. There are times where he’d have to wait a while to pay me back for rent (which is fine, it’s not an issue to me or my parents who finance me atm), but it makes me think, “Hmmm, if we stopped having food delivered as much, maybe he would have had enough money?” But it’s hard because our school really gives us no time to breathe, so I understand coming home and not having the energy to cook or clean. Yet, we can game and watch movies? I don’t know. It’s all temporary bullshit, but I can’t help but feel nervous for our future. I really can’t handle a big spender as a partner when I’m very much a spend-thrift and trying to build generational wealth. I guess it’ll come to a culmination when we’re both making our own money (which is really soon…). Which is why I’m trying to nip it in the bud while we’re young?

I also just don’t have anyone to talk to. I’m lonely. I feel like I can’t reach out to friends and family because I don’t want to influence how they feel about him. He’s the love of my life, I don’t want to vent about him to people who love him and vice versa. I’m in this strange limbo, and I’m starting to feel genuinely crazy.

[harrison-abbott]

A Famous Family and Me

My eldest brother was a successful rugby player. As in, you could see him on TV in famous tournaments.

And my sister, who was also older than me, was a virtuoso cello player and she played with a national orchestra that toured around Europe.

My Dad was a playwright and my Mum was a radio presenter.

It’s safe to say that I grew up in quite a wealthy family. Never had to worry about poverty or anything like that.

But, my brother and sister were eleven and seven years older than me.

And when I was four, my parents split up. Messy divorce. Mum took me to live somewhere else.

She was always irritated by me. For some reason. I was raised in a mute household. She would have girlfriends that would come around and tank wine with her.

And when I got a bit older she would say stuff like, “Why don’t you have a passion, like your siblings?” Or, “Why do you always sit there and never say anything! Why aren’t you practising something! What’s with you? Why do you have no energy?”

When I was a teen and going to high school mother met this other man. I didn’t see him much. Because she was often around at his. His place, I mean: and that wasn’t so bad for me because it meant that I had the house to myself. And when she did come home I noticed that it made me miserable, to be in her presence.

On big birthdays and at Christmas time by big brother and sister would come around. To Mum’s. And mother would make lavish amounts of food. For them. And have me do all of the hoovering and clean the toilets and dust the fancy objects in the living room. And when they arrived, they would be served wine and they would sit at the table. And she would talk exclusively with them. Not me; wouldn’t say a word to me.

My brother would ask me why I didn’t speak? And my sister would tease me about the acne on me cheeks and nose, and query why I didn’t have a girlfriend. They’d all get drunk. And after the meal was finished, I was put on the dishes. And then would leave the next day and not return for another six months.

Dad had festive gatherings at his place as well. He invited my elder siblings. Didn’t invite me.

That’s what it was like for most of my adolescence. I’m not even exaggerating. It was like they didn’t even pretend to care. And I aged in quite a bitter manner. But I didn’t let it get in the way of my academia.

I really wanted to go to university to study physics. I already know many people have zilch interest in this field: but I always loved physics: it made sense to me and I enjoyed it, and it got me As. So I figured I should focus on that, as a way of getting out of the family household.

So at the age of 17 I sat the national high school exams. And I got 4 As. And sent those examples off to a university down in England.

They accepted me and I went off to live and study there. Doing physics.

I met all of these people who really weren’t like my family at all. And I felt myself blooming and being far more confident. I could speak a bit more. Was still super quiet, but when I did talk, people didn’t stomp all over me like the siblings and mother did. It almost surprised me that all of these people weren’t like my family. I didn’t have to be afraid over saying things. I could be inventive. And could form a character without fear of being ripped apart.

At Christmas time I was invited back by my mother.

To these calorific meals and heavy alcohol intake. And my siblings hadn’t changed, and nor had she.

And I went over to my father’s house to meet up with him. He seemed even more vain than when I last saw him. Didn’t ask me anything about my course or how things were in England. Nothing.

And as the years went on I realised that whenever the family came up, it triggered a nervous, uneasy response in me. Negative conditioning. And I began to see less and less reason in spending time with them.

Before I graduated I applied with a company as a physicist. And they gave it to me post graduation. This was in the same city. So I kept my same flat and then I was earning enough to keep me going. I still had friends.

And so I thought I would stay there for another five years, and then it turned into ten.

I would get the occasional message from my mother. Sullen in tone. Demanding why I didn’t speak to her. Just like she used to say when I was eleven years old, and I didn’t get what she meant. There was almost nothing from Dad.

And my brother’s rugby ended in a playing sense and then he became a coach and he stopped being on TV. And my sister stopped playing the cello after she had a kid and married a rich husband.

My Dad stopped writing plays and moved on to ‘working on a novel’. He remained in that ‘working’ state for several years and I don’t know whether he ever finished it. And my mother retired from her radio role in her early sixties.

I have very little desire to see them in a day to day manner. After all the pain they put me through, across youth. I don’t see what I should owe them. They never changed. Whereas I did.

[aurelio04]

RIC AUREL P. GUZMAN

GRADE-11-ELIJAH

“Resting in the end, not in the middle”. This is the quote I always tell myself. It tells me to work hard not just when I want to but all the time. It’s about setting high standards and then working hard to both achieve and maintain them. We need to be consistent every day, show up and put the work in.

Hi, my name is Ric Aurel Guzman, my hobby is playing basketball and badminton. I also want to try all the different sports. I am here to tell you some interesting information about me.

On November 04, 2005 that is the day I first set foot in this beautiful world. My uncle told me that when the day I was born, my father was very happy, especially my mother who took care of me when I was still in her womb. She was so happy because she succeed on giving birth to her first child, which is me.

I’ve had a lot of experiences in life. Experiences that defined me as a person such as mistakes, decisions, things I’ve learned, even games I played. All these occurences helped me to become a better person.

I grew up in Auitan, San Pablo, Isabela. I lived with my whole family, my mother, father, brother and my grandma. I had a brother, he’s 7 years old turning 8 this month of October. Reminiscing my childhood, I was the little boy who was the most quiet kid and have this personality that doesn’t like to socialize much with other people according to my grandpa. And now I am 16 years of age , a young man who is ready to face life’s challenges.

I remember one of my core memories that I was at my happiest state of my life. I was in the field of sports. I loved playing basketball that my day would not be complete without playing.

People keep asking me, “ where do you see yourself ten years from now?”. I always respond to that question is “ I’m not sure yet”, even though there’s a lot of things that I already plan on what I gonna be and what I gonna do 10 years from now. But honestly, I’m not sure on what I gonna be in the future because I’m still confuse on how should I start or where do I start.

Was STEM the best choice after all? Yes, stem is definitely the best choice that I ever chose among those strand. Why? Because it fits to my future course and I know that in this field I’m going to be taught and trained well. It is the best field after all because it’s somewhat challenging but I’m trying my best to face this challenge. In this field, there’s a lot of things that we’ll gonna do. It’s exciting but sometimes I’m feeling nervous because I don’t know if I’m capable to do it. Nevertheless, I have no regrets that I choose this strand.

What course will you take in college? Why? I would like to take the Civil Engineering because since I learned to draw, I had it in my mind that my job would be to become a licensed civil engineering. I made a vow to myself that I would be the one who drew and built the dream house of my papa and mama.

As my senior high school life started, I met those people who we’re kind enough to accept who I was. They are one of the reasons why I am thankful that I chose these school. They made me realize that I should enjoy life more than stressing a lot. Because of them, I was encouraged to study well again. I had the strength to finish my activities on the right time. Study until we pass all our exams and after that, we deserve a celebration.

[imaginesfordifferentfandoms]

It's Going To Be You

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Spencer Reid Taglist - @asherhunterx, @ilovespencerreidmarryme, @canadailluminate, @nomajdetective,@reidsbookclub, @filmsbyblair, @ready-4-spencie, @mrs-scottmccall, @roseslovedreams, @j-cat, @cinderellacauseshebroke, @black-rose-29,

Prompt - I knew I did from that first moment we met. It was…not love at first sight exactly, but - familiarity. Like: oh, hello, it’s you. It’s going to be you.

—————————————————–

Spencer Reid knew from the moment he laid eyes on you that you were something else, he could tell from one glance that you would change his life. No words needed to be exchanged for the man to be completely and utterly taken by you. He watched as you walked through the door, though your head was held high, shoulders pushed back giving the impression of complete confidence, he saw the way you fiddled with the strap of your bag with one hand. When he looked at your other hand he could see your forefinger picking at your thumb, clearly a nervous habit. He watched as you looked around the room, watched as Rossi made his way over to you, guiding you over to Hotch’s office with a smile.

“Down, pretty boy.” Derek grinned as Spencer startled, his head snapping around to face Derek just as you entered Hotch’s office. “I’ve never seen that look on your face and you don’t even know her name.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Spencer replied, cringing at how unconvincing he sounded.

He turned away from Derek and tried to focus on his paperwork but he could stop his eyes from straying over to the closed office door every few minutes much to Derek and Rossi’s amusement.

“Who is she anyway?” Derek asked.

“She’s lucky number ten,” Rossi told them, smothering a smile as Spencer looked over, “who knew finding another agent would be so difficult.”

“Wait,” another voice interrupted, “there’s a new person here? Is she nice? Why is that always my first question?” The group laughed as Penelope quizzed Rossi.

“Listen, I know as much as you people.” He said and before anyone else could speak Penelope was being handed a folder causing them all to groan.

-

“Agent Hotchner?” You asked as you were granted access to the office.

Hotch stood as you walked in, moving around his desk to hold a hand out to you.

“Yes and you’re Y/F/N Y/L/N, I presume?” He asked, smiling slightly at you as you nodded, still fiddling with your bag. “It’s a pleasure to meet you, please have a seat.”

“Thank you sir.” You smiled, taking a seat in the offered chair watching as he made his way back behind his desk.

“Your supervisor spoke very highly of you when I spoke with him, your success rate is impressive.” Hotch praised, glancing down at the file in front of him. “Your latest case seemed rather difficult, are you sure you’re ready to be back in the field again?”

“I passed all my psychiatric exams, I was cleared to return.” You told him stiffly.

“I’m aware of your results, I just want to be sure you’re ready. Infiltrating yourself into the life of Douglas Miller couldn’t have been an easy feat.” Hotch watched as a look of satisfaction took over your face.

“I’m ready, sir.” You told him, relaxing slightly. “It was a tough case, I’ll be the first to admit that seeing what I saw had an impact but I can do this.”

Hotch smiled at you before closing the folder.

“I believe you,” he said, “I think you’ll be a valuable addition to this team.”

The words were what you were hoping to hear, you’d wanted a job with the BAU for longer than you could remember but you paused. Surely it wasn’t that easy, right?

“Wait? That’s it?” You asked.

“That’s it.” Hotch confirmed, fighting back a smile at your expression.

“But- but I’ve been here less than five minutes.” You countered back, there were so many emotions going on within you that you felt slightly overwhelmed.

“Y/N, ever since your name was put forward I looked into your work and I was impressed. Your skills at undercover work are far above what I’ve seen in a long time, that alone would be an incredibly useful assest to the team but on top of that your ability to connect and empathise with unsubs, fast thinking and your profiling skills- trust me, you deserve this job and I have complete faith in you.” Hotch’s words had left you speechless, you had no clue how to respond but thankfully you didn’t have to as the door was pushed open and both you and Hotch turned to look at the brightly dressed woman in the doorway.

“I’m sorry to interrupt sir but we have a case.” The woman said and Hotch stood gesturing for you to follow.

“You have a to go bag?” He asked as you both walked out the door.

“Yes sir.” You nodded, still baffled by how well things had gone.

“Good, welcome to the team Y/L/N.”

-

“Everyone, this is SSA Y/F/N Y/L/N. I’m sure proper introductions can be made later.” Hotch said as the two of you entered the room before gesturing to Garcia that she could begin.

“Ok, yes, so, we have five bodies so far found in Wyoming. The first two bodies were hidden amongst some trees close to firehole bay. The ME presumes that the time of death was mostly likely a week ago but we should have full confirmation when you arrive. The victims, who we haven’t been able to identify yet, but I am working on it, were stripped completely and the wounds, that are in your files because I so do not need to see that, show heavy signs of torture. ” Garcia informed you all.

“The next body was a single male, again stripped and tortured and the ME says this death is most likely four to five days old. This body was found a few miles away from Basin Bay Point campsite.”

“Wait a second,” somebody interrupted, causing you to turn your head. There sat a man, younger than the rest of the team, he was…how you had missed him you didn’t know but now you felt like you couldn’t look away. “If I’m not mistaken those places are roughly twenty miles from each other at walking distance.”

“And driving distance?” An older man asked.

“I don’t think there is a way to drive to Basin Bay Point, especially not to where the body was left.” The younger man replied, looking down at the folder he was given with a frown.

“I’ll have a map ready for you on the plane.” Penelope assured him before continuing. “Now, the next two bodies were the most recent, ME says they were killed a day or two ago and these victims we have been able to identify as Taylor Gomez and her boyfriend Jack Gaskarth.” Penelope said as she brought their pictures up. “They were never reported missing because they had told friends and family they were going camping, which checks out because their bodies were found three miles away from Lewis Lake campground. They show the same wounds as the other vics.” Garcia explained.

You grimaced as you looked down at the tablet Hotch had passed you as you saw a young man and woman, naked with slices all across their bodies, as well as deep bruising to the neck.

“What was the CoD, Garcia?” The younger man spoke up again.

“ME still needs to run a full examination but her best bet is that it was asphyxiation.” She told him with a frown.

“That makes sense, there isn’t a lot of blood or scabbing which suggests they were done post mortem.”

“So what,” you spoke up, pausing for a moment when everyone turned to you, “the unsub blitz attacks the victims and kills them before torturing them? What’s the point in that?”

“It could be a number of things actually. Perhaps it’s not about the kills for him but more to do with the fascination of the human body, we’ve seen it before where curiosity leads to this kind of attack. It could also be that he has to kill, he has a compulsion to kill and once he’s given into that compulsion he gets to fulfil other urges. If I had to guess I’d say the victims are victims of opportunity-” The younger man rambled, his hands gesturing in front of him as he spoke causing you to smile.

“Because there is no set pattern, he crosses race and gender lines and there’s no secondary location.” You cut off the other man who looked at you with a grin.

“Exactly, the area is so isolated that he can get away with quick and easy killings but because it doesn’t seem like there’s a secondary location yet we have to presume that the torture is a means to satisfy himself when he can’t hold his victims hostage.”

“It’s a long flight and this unsub doesn’t appear to be slowing down. Wheels up in fifteen.” Hotch said as he stood up, everyone was quick to follow until it was just you and the guy you had spoken to left.

“Hi.” He said, causing you to turn around with a smile.

“Hi.”

“I’m Spencer, Spencer Reid.” He introduced himself.

“Y/F/N Y/L/N, nice to meet you.” You replied, reaching out your hand to shake his, your eyebrows pulling together slightly as he shook his head.

“Sorry, I don’t um,” He said, causing you to drop your hand and nod understandingly, “it’s nothing against you, just…germs.” He trailed off, berating himself in his head.

“No problem.” You smiled again, god that smile. Spencer felt his heart race.

“Congratulations on joining the team.” He praised as the two of you walked out of the round table room.

“Thank you, I’ve wanted this for so long.” He watched as the smile fell from your face before you shook your head slightly.

“Is everything ok?” He asked, understanding the nerves. He couldn’t help but glance down, almost smiling as he saw you picking at your thumb.

“Yeah, I’m just, what if I mess up?” You couldn’t help but ask. After wanting this job for as long as you had, all the hard nights and long days spent training you were finally here and you’d be damned if you screwed everything up.

“You won’t, Hotch wouldn’t have hired you if he didn’t think you were good enough, trust me. I think you’ll be amazing.” He told you, flushing slightly at his own words and the soft smile that replaced the frown on your face.

“Thank you Spencer.” You replied softly and before he could respond the rest of the team was calling for the two of you to head to the air strip.

-

On the plane you were properly introduced to everyone as you took a seat next to Spencer, sitting opposite Hotch and Rossi. On the table in front of you Spencer had both a map of the US and a smaller map of Wyoming. You watched his fingers trace invisible lines as his eyebrows knitted together.

You were trying not to stare, really you were, but there was just something about the man that made you want to get to know him.

Thankfully before anyone noticed your eyes glancing at Spencer every few moments, the man himself spoke.

“Guys, if you map out where the five victims were found,” Spencer began, circling three places on the map as he did, “it looks like the victims might have been hiking the continental divide trail.”

“Pretty boy, isn’t that trail like thousands of miles long?” Morgan asked, watching as Spencer nodded, pushing the little map of Wyoming out of the way for a moment and drawing a line down the map of the US.

“This is the continental divide trail, it’s 3,300 miles long and it’s actually quite difficult to hike. These people had to have been exceptionally fit and healthy which further backs up the theory that these were blitz attacks. You can go days without seeing other people when hiking the trail and most hikers have to give up because of lack of supplies or needing urgent medical care from injuries and illnesses they attract. A part of the Wyoming part of the trail includes a 120 mile stretch of desert with water sources few and far between.” Spencer rambled and you couldn’t help the soft smile, though you did try to hide it behind your hand, glancing away from Rossi when you locked eyes with him and he raised an eyebrow at you.

“So we have a serial killer and 3,300 miles of potential hunting grounds?” JJ asked.

“So far he seems to be focusing on Wyoming, which narrows the geographic profile down to…’ Spencer paused as he pulled the Wyoming map closer to him, “550 miles.”

“I hope you all brought your hiking boots.” Rossi said as groans filled the jet.

“Hello my crime fighters.” Garcia’s voice sounded through the speakers. “Hotch, the families of the latest two victims are at the station waiting for you.”

“Thank you Garcia,” Hotch replied before turning to the team. “JJ, I want you to come with me to the station and help interview the families. We also need to get ahead of the media on this before they start glorifying the unsub. Reid, since the geographic profile is mostly established, I want you to take Y/L/N and head to the latest crime scene. Dave and Morgan, the two of you head to the second crime scene.”

You and Spencer both shared a look at the news you were travelling to a crime scene that couldn’t be driven too. Whilst you managed to pass the FBI’s training and fitness tests you weren’t exactly athletically inclined and seeing from the look Spencer was giving you neither was he.

Judging from the chuckles that filled the plane the others had come to the same conclusion that you and Spencer were not going to recover from this trip.

-

You had driven as close to the crime scene as you could get, which was thankfully closer than the one Morgan and Rossi had to go to. It was still a hell of a hike to get to where the unsub had dumped the bodies.

“Ok, ok,” Spencer panted, cheeks flushed from the heat. “Let’s take a break.”

“Please.” You were quick to agree and the two of you sat down heavily on a fallen tree trunk. You had all been warned that you needed supplies, even for a short hike. So you had both been sent out with backpacks filled with water bottles and food. There were other supplies like maps, compasses and first aid kits that you were hoping you wouldn’t have to use. Thankfully you had been paired with the man with the eidetic memory because you couldn’t read a map to save your life.

After the two of you gulped down some water and caught your breath Spencer spoke up.

“Why the BAU?” He asked suddenly, causing you to look up in confusion.

“Sorry?” You replied.

“You said you had wanted to join the BAU for a long time, why?” He asked again, not pushing you when you paused.

It wasn’t a secret what had happened to your family, Spencer could easily find the information out if he wanted to but you wanted to be the one to tell him. It wasn’t a story you liked sharing with people but something about Spencer made you feel…safe.

“When I was a kid there was a serial killer but he was in the next state over and we were from a small town so nobody thought to worry and after a while things went quiet so everyone just assumed he stopped, you know? Anyway, one day I went to my friend’s house, it was summer and I was always out with my friends. I was there for a few hours but I was always home in time for dinner except for this day, I ended up losing track of time and headed home an hour late. When I got home, my momma was there in the kitchen. She was covered in blood and I just screamed. The rest of my family didn’t make it either. When the police came they said the markings were the same as the victims from the next state over.” You told him, not pausing for breath as you rushed through the story. You watched as his expression fell, his sympathy written on his face.

“I’m so sorry.” He told you and you could hear the sincerity in his tone. You gave him a small smile before continuing.

“I could just never understand why. The thing that kept me up at night was that question: why? Why them? Why did he come here? Why wasn’t I home? Why did I deserve to live? I started researching and somehow came across an article about the BAU, from there I knew I wanted to work there.”

“Most people wouldn’t be able to come back from something like that, especially at such a young age.” Spencer said, causing you to glance over at him. “They’d be so proud of you.”

You couldn’t help but let out what sounded like a chuckle and a sob at those words, causing Spencer’s eyes to widen in fear he had upset you further but then you smile brightly and he couldn’t help but smile back.

“I like to think so.” You said softly. “You ready to continue?” You asked, chuckling as he groaned before standing up.

“I hate Hotch.” Was the grumbled response and the laugh he received in return made every sore bone and the aching feet worth it.

-

“We know that this unsub is a physically fit white male in his mid to late thirties.” Hotch began.

“Looking at the geographical pattern it’s safe to assume that he too is hiking the Continental Divide Trail in search of victims who are isolated from the rest of civilization. He also has no problems taking down two victims.” Spencer continued.

“The period in between kills is lessening so we should expect to find another body soon, have as many officers as possible on the rest of the trail.” You picked up.

“Considering the last kill was two days ago, the average person could walk up to 30 miles a day on normal terrain but we have to consider that the terrain out there is harsh so lets say he walks 20 miles a day that gives up a 40 mile radius he could be in. He is guaranteed to stay on the continental divide trail so stop every male you see.” Spencer told the LEO’s and after some more information was shared everyone headed off in different directions, the BAU members heading into the room they had been given to work in.

“Y/N,” Hotch said, causing everyone to look over at you.

“Yes sir?” You asked, looking up from your laptop.

“You’re probably the most skilled undercover agent in this room,” He said, causing your cheeks to flush and Spencer couldn’t help but smile. “I know this isn’t exactly the type of case you’d usually be assigned but perhaps if we send you out there we have a better chance of catching him. This man is impulsive, if he sees you he won’t be able to control himself.” Hotch explained, ignoring the questioning looks he was getting from most of the team.

You, however, relaxed, thankful that you hadn’t done something wrong. Undercover work was easy, you were comfortable with it, you knew you were good at it. Obviously you weren’t as confident at this part of the job yet, how could you be on your first case, but undercover work? That was your area of expertise.

“Of course sir.” You agreed easily before remembering how fun the small hike to the last crime scene was…your body would not thank you for signing up for a much longer hike.

“Hotch, are you sure that’s a good idea?” Morgan spoke up causing you to frown. Sure they didn’t know you yet but surely your record spoke for itself. “No offence to you,” he said quickly as he turned to you, “it’s just-“

But before he could finish Hotch cut him off, “I have full faith in Y/L/N’s abilities.”

You couldn’t help feeling a swell of pride at Hotch’s words, a man who you looked up to, a man who barely knew you but was trusting you with so much already. You locked eyes with Spencer who smiled at you reassuringly.

“I’m not doubting the kid’s abilities,” Morgan continued, missing the way you rolled your eyes at being called a kid. “I’m just saying maybe don’t send her in on her own on her first case.”

“I’ll go with her.” Spencer spoke up before Hotch could argue back.

Your eyes widened at Spencer’s offer, he did just as well as you did on your first outing and now he was offering to put himself through hours more of that for what?

“Are you ok with that, Y/N?” Hotch asked you.

You didn’t even hesitate to nod, more than happy for the opportunity to spend time with Spencer Reid.

-

“We’ll be close by the whole time,” Hotch told you as he passed you your backpack filled with supplies, “the second we hear something, we’ll be there.” He assured you and you couldn’t help but smile at his concern.

“I’ll be fine, sir. This is actually the part of the job I’m good at.” You laughed, watching as his lip twitched upwards.

“You’ve been a great help in coming up with a profile too.” He assured you and before you could say anything the rest of the team was flooding in.

The plan for you and Spencer to hike up to a specific spot that Spencer had managed to pinpoint the unsub at and set up camp there. From there you would wait and hope for the unsub to appear. The man was impulsive and his need to kill would be overwhelming by now. The two of you were wired up so that if the unsub appeared the rest of the team could step in and help with the arrest.

You and Spencer were dropped off half an hour away from your campsite just so that if the unsub was around he wouldn’t suspect anything.

The walk was mostly silent, both you and Spencer focusing on not breaking an ankle on the uneven terrain when Spencer finally spoke up.

“Morgan didn’t mean anything insulting.” He told you, causing you to pause before shrugging your shoulders and continuing. When you stayed silent Spencer continued, “he’s just protective but sometimes he isn’t really good at showing it and it comes across…”

“It comes across like he thinks I can’t do my job despite this being my forte.” You finished with a huff before sighing. “I’m sorry, I just…you can’t imagine how many times a male colleague has said I can’t do something and then a supervisor has agreed, you don’t understand how hard I have to fight to be given assignments and not have somebody constantly berating me.” You ranted.

“People look at me like I’m a child. When I first joined the BAU nobody would take me seriously, without Gideon I don’t know what would have happened.” Spencer told you quietly, causing you to frown.

“So you can understand why it’s so frustrating that someone who doesn’t know me didn’t even want to give me a chance.” You replied, causing him to nod sadly. ‘I know he probably didn’t mean anything but…”

“You’ve heard that your entire career.” Spencer finished.

“Hotch was the first person to give me a chance without any hesitation.” You told him softly, watching as he smiled at that. “This should be close enough.” You said as you looked around, the place looked similar to the image Spencer had shown the team.

“Please tell me you know how to put a tent up.” You said, watching as his face twisted.

“I know the theory?” The way his response sounded like a question made you smile as you pulled poles and material out of a bag. The two of you staring down at the mess with matching expressions of confusion.

“Now would be a really good time for the unsub to attack.” He muttered, causing you to laugh loudly. Spencer couldn’t help but grin over at you, your cheeks flushing as you caught the expression.

It took longer than either you or Spencer were willing to admit to put the tent up, despite the fact that it wouldn’t get used, you had to make it look like the pair of you were really camping. There was a lot of grumbling, many curse words and a cut or two.

There was also a lot of laughter coming from the comms in your ears causing both you and Spencer to roll your eyes.

Once the tent was up, Spencer lay a blanket down outside of it and sat down, gesturing for you to do the same. Miraculously the two of you got a fire started and as the sun set and the night time air chilled you were thankful for it.

“I don’t camp but I guess I can see the appeal.” Spencer told you as he titled his head back to look up at the stars. You glanced up too, the sky wasn’t totally black yet, more of an inky blue colour and you could see every star on the cloudless night.

It was beautiful and yet you still found your gaze falling back on Spencer.

“Yeah, me too.” You replied softly, your voice quiet so as not to break the peacefulness around you.

Somehow the two of you ended up laying down and looking up at the sky, you had a smile on your face that refused to move as Spencer’s hushed voice told you facts about stars.

“I’m glad you’re on the team.” Spencer whispered after a long pause of silence. It took you a moment to register his words before you turned your head, coming face to face with the man.

“Me too.” You whispered back, meaning the words with your entire being.

Just as Spencer went to say something you heard a rustle in the bushes and locked eyes with Spencer who nodded.

The two of you waited, not waiting to disrupt the operation if it just turned out to be an animal, but as you pushed yourself up on your elbow and discreetly looked around you saw a faint outline of a man. He was hidden behind a tree but he was watching the two of you.

“The hike up here was exactly what we needed.” You told Spencer and through the comms you heard the team moving out.

“You’re right.” He played along, smiling up at you from his reclined position.

Before you knew what was happening Spencer had his gun out and the unsub grabbed you, placing you in front of him as a human shield. If someone asked you, you would never have been able to recall the events that led to you having a knife held to your neck.

You saw the panicked look in Spencer’s eyes but you couldn’t hear his thoughts, they were overwhelming. Thoughts of Maeve passed through his mind as he pleaded with anyone who would listen to let you be ok, he couldn’t lose you too. Hell, he’d only known you a few days and yet he knew you were special, he knew he had to have you in his life. If you died now…

“Just let her go.” Spencer said, keeping his gun trained on the man.

“I let her go, you ship me off to death row.” The man responded, his face close to your face, too close. The smell of his breath had you grimacing.

“I’ll make you a deal,” Spencer responded, not even thinking. He just needed to get you away.

“Spenc, what you doing kid?” He heard Morgan through his ear piece but he just shook his head before shooting you a reassuring smile, trying not to focus on the tears in your eyes or the blood on your neck.

“I’m listenin’.” The unsub replied after a moment of silence, gesturing for Spencer to continue.

“Let her go,” He said, lowering his gun, “I won’t arrest you. You can get a head start before anyone else gets here. Just let her go.” Spencer pleaded.

It was a tense few seconds in which Spencer never took his eyes off you, he hated to see that scared look in your eyes, the fear in them made Spencer ache.

“Let her go.” Spencer said once more and he let out a sigh of relief as you were pushed into his arms.

Just as the unsub ran to leave, you twisted around in Spencer’s arms and drew your own gun, shooting the unsub in the leg. The rest of the team ran in just as the man fell to the ground.

Spencer turned you around so that you were facing him, his hands on your shoulders.

“Are you ok?” He asked, Morgan and Hotch walking over whilst Rossi and JJ dealt with the man.

You didn’t respond with words, instead you wrapped your arms around Spencer. He didn’t hesitate to wrap his own around you, holding you close as you let the tears slid down your face.

You pulled away abruptly, rubbing your eyes as you did.

“Sorry, you don’t like to be touched and here I am-“ You said but Spencer just cut you off.

“It’s fine, really.” He assured you before his attention turned to your neck. The knife hadn’t pierced the skin too badly, there was a small bit of blood where the knife had nicked you when the unsub pressed a bit too hard.

“Are you ok?” He asked again, fingers on your jaw so that he could tilt your face and get a better look.

“Spencer, I’m fine.” You assured him but that didn’t stop him from getting you medical attention the moment you were back in the town.

Spencer watched as you squirmed away from the nurse seeing to you with a soft smile.

There was something about you that made him feel so free, like he could be himself and the thought of losing you…he didn’t want to think about it again.

“You like her.” Derek said as he came to stand next to the younger man.

“That’s ridiculous, I’ve known her for a few days.” Spencer shot back but he knew his friend was right.

“If she’s the right girl, a few days is all you need.” Was Derek’s reply before he walked away, leaving Spencer looking at you with a thoughtful look on his face.

-

The plane ride home was uneventful.

You took the seat next to Spencer again and watched him pull a book out. You couldn’t help but glance down at it, your eyebrows knitting together in confusion as you didn’t recognise the language.

“It’s Russian.” He told you quietly, not wanting to disturb anyone as they settled in for a long flight.

“You read Russian?” You asked just as quietly, watching as he smiled bashfully and shrugged before nodding. You glanced down at the pages again before letting out a small yawn. “Can you read to me?” You asked him, smiling as he nodded again.

“Of course,” He said and with that it wasn’t long before you fell asleep to the soothing sound of Spencer Reid.

-

“Ask her, man.” Morgan said as both he and Spencer watched you leave the office after finishing your paperwork. Spencer too was done and Morgan assured him he’d make sure Hotch received it.

There was only a brief moment of hesitation before Spencer snatched his satchel up and ran to the elevators, getting there just before they shut on you.

“Hey.” He greeted as he stepped in.

“Hi.” You smiled, brushing a piece of hair out of your face.

“I was wondering, I mean if you wanted to, of course you don’t have to, I was only suggesting but I’d really like it if you would,” Spencer rambled before cutting himself out with a groaning causing you to giggle.

“Are you asking me out?” You asked, cheeks flushing as you asked.

“I’m trying to,” he told you, “but I’m not very good at this.”

“Just ask.” You told him softly.

“Would you like to go out with me?” He asked after taking a deep and calming breath.

“I’d love to.” You grinned, thankful that the man had made a move. You wouldn’t have risked asking him on the chance that you were reading him wrong and he didn’t like you but thankfully he had taken it into his own hands.

“Good. Great. That, that’s great.” He repeated, a soft grin spreading across his face causing you to giggle as the doors opened.

The two of you walked out together and there was a moment of awkward silence before Spencer dipped his head down to kiss your cheek, making your blush even more prominent.

You looked so pretty when you blushed, Spencer thought.

“I’ll call you.” He promised.

“I hope so.” You replied before heading towards your car, when you turned around you saw Spencer still stood by the doors with a smile still on his face. You giggled to yourself but couldn’t stop smiling yourself if you tried.

Spencer Reid was something else and you couldn’t wait to learn everything about that wonderful man.

[malleux]

spell [2]. | corpse husband

part one ; part three

-> Pairing: Corpse Husband x Fem!Reader

-> Genre: Fluff, Slight Angst

-> Warnings: Hate Comments, Self Doubt, Anxiety, Cursing

-> A/N: thank you for 1k notes on part one! i’m so glad everyone likes my work. it’s really nice getting this much love after taking a hiatus on my fire emblem writing blog. i hope y’all enjoy it and stay on the lookout for part three!

corpse husband taglist is closed!

Two weeks.

It’s been two weeks since you joined Sean’s Among Us stream.

While that was your first public appearance, you had joined three others after that and already you were blowing up on almost every social media platform you had. The attention was kind of nice, you had to admit, but sometimes the anxiety of becoming a public figure weighed heavily on your shoulders.

During that time, you turned to your friends who were used to such scrutiny: Sean, Felix, and now Corpse, who you’ve been talking to every day for those two weeks.

It was another one of those nights where, at 1am, you were on Facetime with said man. His screen was dark, as usual. He hadn’t shown his face yet and you respected that. You didn’t need to see him to talk to him, or be his friend, or develop a slight crush on him. All of which you did.

The call was relatively silent on your end. Corpse was on Facetime with you, yes, but he was also on a call in Discord, once again playing Among Us.

You often wondered if playing that game was all your new friends did anymore.

You stayed quiet, letting Corpse play the game and avoiding his fans finding out about your call. You had college work to finish anyways, so the silence was rather helpful.

“We should ask Y/N if she wants to play. I wanna meet her.” Sykkuno’s voice rang out from the Discord call. He was right- you’d never met him. He and Corpse seemed extremely close, though, so you’d love to talk to him. A friend of your crush friend was a friend of yours.

“She’s busy tonight.” Corpse responded.

“Yeah, she’s got an exam coming up- wait, how do you know?” Sean joined in, questioning Corpse.

“Uh, I mean we’re on Facetime right now, I guess.” Your heart sped up- now his fans knew. “She’s studying. We’re just hanging out.”

“Didn’t you guys ‘hang out’ last night as well? It seems like you’re trying to take my best friend away from me.” Sean joked back.

“I mean, I definitely am.”

Your breath caught in your throat. What was that supposed to mean? Sean was obviously kidding, but the tone in Corpse’s voice wasn’t the one he used when he was joking as well.

Felix suddenly butted in. “Ooooh, I think Corpse-y has a little crush.”

“And if I do?”

Y/N.exe has stopped working.

꧁꧂

Three weeks, now, that you’ve been talking to Corpse daily.

One week since Corpse’s crush comment and one week that you’ve endured countless mentions and tags on Instagram and Twitter, constantly talking about #CorpseY/N.

You didn’t really mind the shipping, often losing yourself in daydreams about driving those two hours down from your apartment in Los Angeles down to San Diego and running into his arms. It didn’t help when he mentioned wanting you to come visit one day.

You just worried about how Corpse felt about them. He was still relatively new to blowing up on the internet as well, his fame suddenly skyrocketing in the past few months, so you weren’t sure if he was comfortable with them. You didn’t want to bring it up, either, fearing that the discussion would make things awkward between the two of you.

For now, you were rather content with just scrolling through the #CorpseY/N hashtag, looking at the pictures and nice things people had to say about you both.

“they’re so cute when they talk to each other, you can just tell Corpse meant it when he said he was trying to steal Y/N away.”

“#CorpseY/N is my new favorite thing. Everyone shut up this is all I’ll be talking about from now on.”

“God why can’t they just be together already? #CorpseY/N”

Everyone was so supportive and sweet, it almost made you feel like you already were Corpse’s girlfriend. Although your heart hurt when you were brought back to reality, you couldn’t help but love the comments that everyone left. They were amazing.

Until they weren’t.

There are always two sides of the same coin. Along from the supporters and their loving actions, there were also those who seethed at the idea of you and Corpse.

They scrutinized everything about you to the point that you made your Instagram account- already with 30k followers- private.

Haters talked about you. Your body, your personality, how you weren’t worthy to even talk to Corpse and the rest of the Youtubers, and so much more. You’ve spent many nights with your Facetime mic muted so that Corpse couldn’t hear the small sobs coming from you.

These thoughts were almost always on the back of your mind, but you were sometimes able to push them away.

Like now- as you focused on your exam. Well, tried to focus. There comes to be a time where one can only hear so many negative things about themselves before they can’t ignore it anymore.

But alas, you tried your hardest and finished your exam, before walking out of the room and pulling out your phone. Now, you had a break before your new classes started and you’ve never been more relieved. You pulled up a certain contact and clicked on the message icon, beginning to type.

you:

i’m finished! up next, a break.

corpse:

I hope you did well. How long is your break?

you:

two weeks!

corpse:

Come spend it in San Diego

You stopped in your tracks, taken aback by the offer. You really didn’t think that he’d invite you over, but you weren’t about to complain. Instead, you sent back an ‘I’ll pack tonight :)’ and rushed home to do just that.

Corpse called you as you packed, just like he calls every night. You were used to the routine now, often falling asleep around 3am as he stays on the phone, doing whatever he does with his ruined sleep schedule until you wake up and say good morning.

Tonight, however, you were too jittery to sleep. You stayed up all night with Corpse, talking about anything and everything, like usual.

What wasn’t usual, though, was how distracted he sounded. It made you nervous- was he having second thoughts about inviting you over? Was something wrong?

Your thoughts nearly overwhelmed you, forcing you to say something.

“Are you okay, Corpse?” You tried to hide the small shake in your voice.

“Hm? Uh, yeah, yeah, everything’s good. Why?”

“It doesn’t sound like it. What’s going on? You’re acting off.”

His side of the phone was silent for a moment, before he let out a sigh. “I’m just thinking about what I’ve got to do before you get here tomorrow. Like, cleaning and stuff.”

“Pshh, that doesn’t matter to me.” You waved your hand, even though he couldn’t see it in the darkness of your room.

“It’s just that, my apartment isn’t… the best. It’s small and there’s only one bedroom and it’s kind of shitty. I just don’t want it to be even more shitty.”

“Corpse, I’m coming there to spend time with you, not your apartment. I don’t care what any of that shit looks like. I’m going to be looking at you and hanging out with you. Not your apartment.” You didn’t mean to go on a tangent of reassurance, but you truly meant all of your words. “Hell, I might not even see the apartment because I already know I won’t be able to look away from you.”

“I- God, give me a minute. That took me off guard.” He laughed. “But thank you. I may not even be able to clean because I’ll be distracted too.”

“By what?”

“You, standing in front of me, in person.” You could hear the smile in his voice. “That’s a fucking dream come true.”

┎┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┒

taglist: @namjoons-crabssss @lookingforaplacetosleep @teenloves @princess00wifi @pillowjj @nvm-idgaf @creativedogs @wildflowerwhore @chillininahottub-withaghost @whyisquill @holosexualunicorn7000 @ourheavenlyemotions

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[sailorhyunjinz]

SKZ SHORT REACTION TO YOU ALWAYS CRYING , WHINING , AND RUBBING YOUR FACE INTO THEM DURING SEX 😭🥺🥺 CUTE FDDFFGG

It just always feels so good and overwhelming to have fat cock inside of your tiny pussy 🥺

Also ilysm <33 hry ?

-🐈

KITTEN! how are youuu~? i’m doing just fine, thank you for asking ^^

also... wish i could relate but do i get dick? no, none. ASHAHSHSA

OK QUICK REACTION (aka cherry word vomits) LEGO

warnings; dom!skz x gn!reader, dacryphilia, explicit sexual scenes, slight impact play, moaning, sex (well no fucking shit), orgasm,,, uh what more,,

before starting lemme just say this; as a collective THEY LOVE IT, EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM LOVES IT but sure... some more than others 

Bangchan

nah mate you got him whipped 

W H I P P E D

just imagine holding him close and rubbing your face against his muscles while he’s just going at it OH LORD-

he already likes being in control

and when you show that you are weak in the presence of this dominant aura it just boosts that aura tenfolds.

i dont think he’d go as far as to see you cry but like tear up yk?

but BRUH HE LOSES HIS SHIT WHEN YOU’RE CLINGY

your toes curling as you try to move away from his touch, him already beginning on your fourth orgasm that night

you try to hold on to anything which is most likely his broad shoulders (oop drooling a bit)

DUDE HAS THEM GUNS TO BE ABLE TO MANHANDLE YOU WITH EASE

which he does... a lot 

but he would always ask if you felt comfortable and would remind you to use the safeword because caring dom shit 

whine his name and BYE- he cums

would ask you to say it louder

“let everyone hear how good im making my baby feel”

Minho

SKSKASK all of you guys are going to say that i’m stereotyping minho

BUT IT MUST BE SAID

he likes it to a certain extent

if you belong to the more extremely squirmy people chances are he would get kinda annoyed having to hold you down LMAO

THATS NOT TO SAY THAT HE DOESNT LOVE SEEING YOU WRECKED

nononono honey... this man is corruption kink in human form

crying >>>>> moaning

WELL THATS MY GUESS

he’d be all cocky about it

“only i can make you feel like that baby?” 

WAIT LISTEN TO THIS

he has a whole ass folder on his phone that’s just pictures of you being completely wrecked 

he uses them to jerk off 110%

it can really be any kind of pictures but his favorite is the one where you have both cum and tears running down your face

somebody take the internet away from me 

Changbin

awh binnie baby likes it v v much 

it let’s him know how much you are enjoying it which is more important then getting his own pleasure

oof service top binnie?? ok stop cherry dont LMAO

weak for your whining 100%

especially if it’s all like,, high pitched and cute I CANT-

ngl it gets him even hornier 

you’re feeding his horny monster by holding onto him, scratching his back and leaving all kinds of marks. 

just gonna say it; he likes seeing you desperate

“binnie~ i need you inside of m-me..”

say that and HE A GONER

BECAUSE HE LIKES SEEING OTHERS WANT HIM (i know all your secrets dont even try to hide it you smug hot mf)

because of his buff arms he would have no problem pinning you down if you squirmed around too much 

his sturdy arms in contrast with your quivering body OH GAWD

“you want me? beg then” 

and you can’t simply ask 

you need to whine it

IT DOESNT HAVE TO SOUND CUTE

just desperate ;)))

Hyunjin

the whole fucking rubbing your face and hair against him; in love

it doesnt even have to be against him

against the bed or against a pillow is enough to keep him going

your hair all disheveled when you look at him :((

“do i fuck you that good, baby?” he cooed at you, your head burried in a multitude of pillows. you nod, your hair in your face as your whole body jerks forward from his powerful thrust

we all know that this boy is vocal 

so you would have to be EVEN LOUDER to get him off

which you were

god you know the dance lives??

when he’s all sweaty and is heaving for air?

head empty. only that

yeah... he would like a clingy s/o

because then he can go around and be proud of himself that he made you cry in bed LMAO

he wouldnt tell it to anyone, seeing it more as a personal achievement HASHASH

a sucker of you being squirmy

gives him more reason to use force when pinning you down 

showing himself off a lil...

blushing mess if you compliment him on his muscles tho... 

Jisung

you know that video where felix bites a banana with the peel still on and jisung goes all “SPIT IT OUT YOU FUCK” 

yeah thats what happens when you start crying from how hard he’s going

he thinks he fucked up real bad

no dude you just hitting it too good (HASHASH bye im yeeting myself off a cliff)

crying in bed makes him scared but do you know what really gets him?

whining

A LOT OF IT

he loves how they go from small murmurs to full out long whines that are all uneven

some incoherent words mixed into them together with his name

he also loves how they sound mixed with his moans and growls

i feel like he’s very moved by sound

the mf that would record your moans no cap

i feel like he would be the one to rub his head against you??

yk missonary (wow cherry has nothing else to come with LMAO) he drops his head when he’s close to cumming, shaking his head slightly against your shoulder, his soft hair tickling you

he would be the one tearing up when he’s close

BECAUSE you feel too good wrapped around his aching dick :((

can we really blame him? 

Felix

OOOOH MY GOD 

OOOOOOOOOOOH MY GOD

he loves it

more than he should

all of it; the crying, the rubbing against him, the whining, the hair in your face LIkE OOF

why? because it gives him a sense of being in control 

he has you under his control which IS RARE FOR HIM

OK he subs for you a lot and then he does the same thing, probably even more than you do

yk the whole rubbing his hair against your chest as he’s whining at the top of his lungs

BUT HE REDEEMS THAT WHEN HE DOMS

which is perfect because then its a give and take situation

happy sexy times

where the both of you are enjoying it waaay to much

WAIT THIS

imagine him pounding you in missionary right.... and both of you cry!?!?!

two overwhelmed babies :(((

Seungmin

Puppyboy is all for it 

let me just say,,, he has a corruption kink SAHSSAHS 

OK I KNOW EVERYONE IS GOING TO BE LIKE

“cherry he’s so neat and tidy, how could he possibly have a corruption kink?”

THATS WHY. BECAUSE HE LOVES SEEING YOU ALL TIDY AT DAYTIME

but god forbid nighttime because then you are nothing but a drooling and crying mess, holding onto him for dear life as he mercilessly pounds into you 

i swear this dude is all about drastic changes like duality is in his DNA

and i feel like he likes people that have that same charm??!?

IMAGINE THIS RIGHT;

you’re riding him, tired and fucked out of your mind, eventually leaning down to his chest and nuzzling your face in the crook of his neck, crying from overstimulation

AND THIS MF lifts you up slightly and starts thrusting up into you 

thats it. 

i love him AHSHASH

Jeongin

it would take a while for him to get used to you crying in bed 

first time it happened he got scared, stopped and hugged you, apologizing like a thousand times

you all like “...it was just getting good?”

he doesn’t understand shit at first???

“b-but why are you crying then? tell me the truth y/n”

“but i am?” 

after you explained that it just happens to you he’d nod and continue

after a while... he starts liking it

and if you one time don’t cry he’d be confused again, this time saying;

“did you not l-like it?” 

“dork, of course i did” you say ruffling his hair and he feels relieved hearing you say that 

ah cutie :(((

ALSO the whining and the squirming; total sucker for that LMAO 

OK IMMA SLEEP NOW holy shit my back is scoliosis central rn and im so damn nervous for my exam tomorrow AAAAAAH fuck fuck fuck 

ANYHOW HOPE THIS WAS FUN READING <333

[lubdubsworld]

物の哀れ ( ‘the sadness of things’.)

Alpha Jungkook x Omega Oc!

Genre : Angst , Hurt/ Comfort.

    Chapter 1  ⋆  Chapter 2  ⋆  Chapter 3     Chapter 4  ⋆  Chapter 5   ⋆   

    Chapter 6   Chapter 7     Chapter 8

Summary : Nine months after her marriage ends, Kim Heejin is a reclusive artist, who works out of a renovated warehouse in Busan, her days and nights spent with canvas and paint. Its exactly what she’s ever wanted, to be left alone. And yet, that nagging feeling of incompletion keeps her on her toes. And perhaps, it is that longing for something substantial, something real that pushes her to give her flawed but lovable ex-husband another chance.

Chapter 9

 “I… No. Just… please tell him I’ll be down…I’ll come down to the lobby to meet him.” I said quickly, panicking at the idea of having him here. I’d barely been here a day but this was still my space. And if I had him here then his scent would just seep into every nook and corner. 

The room would smell like him then… And what would I do after he left?

God, what was I even thinking? Head swimming, I crawled to the edge of the bed and breathed shakily. 

It felt surreal, climbing out of the bed and moving to the vanity . I stared at myself in the mirror as I grabbed the makeup bag I kept with me all the time. Wide eyes and parted lips, creamy gold skin turning lily white because of how the blood had just drained after that phone call. 

I looked petrified .

Jungkook… I thought numbly. Jungkook’s waiting downstairs and I’m going to see him. 

What is he thinking.... What is he feeling... why is he even here? 

You’re not responsible for his emotions, Taehyung’s soothing voice in my head helped a bit but not a whole lot. What about my emotions, I though desperately, grabbing the tube of gloss and slowly uncapping it. I ran the end of it over my lips and felt my fingers tremble because I didn’t know why I felt this need …to look beautiful.

I didn’t need to, I though miserably. Everyone knew omegas were beautiful. Beta supermodels were beautiful yes but they couldn’t hold a candle to me, at least for someone like  Jungkook. He was an alpha, his brain was built to find me attractive. I had evolutionary genetics on my side, which mean that if I ever actually wanted to seduce Jungkook , he wouldn’t really stand a chance .

But I didn’t want that.

I had had enough of that. Enough of seeing handsome, rich alphas being reluctantly attracted to me. They made it obvious too. Most of the hate mail I got stemmed from angry wives or girlfriends accusing me of seducing their men , even though  I’d never so much as laid my eyes on them. It was so unfair. 

I didn’t enjoy watching them lose their minds at the sight and scent of me, because i knew that deep down,  they thought that all omegas were scum. 

Manipulative, sex driven , greedy and selfish . Those were the labels I got plastered with , on the media and on the streets. 

And Jungkook wasn’t different, I reminded myself firmly, pulling away from the mirror and grabbing the loose powder and dusting down some of it on the apple of my cheeks and down the length of my nose. 

He didn’t think any different than the others. Jungkook’s views on omegas were just as archaic and bigoted as everyone else’s .

He just didn’t act on them .

Sighing, I dropped the lipgloss back in the back and brushed my hair off my face. On a whim , I pulled off the hair tie holding the thick strands together, letting the wavy tresses fall over my shoulder. I hadn’t cut my hair in a long time and it felt to my hips now. My stylist was adamant that it added to my aesthetic.

  A primal siren, she had said staring at me in awe, like something eternal and beautifully dangerous. We’re lucky you seem incapable of hate, Heejin ...because I think you could bring grown men to their knees with that body and that face. 

I felt nauseous at the thought of it.   

Walking to the elevator felt like walking the plank and I had stop a couple of times, just to breathe deeply. I had to be smart about this. I was in therapy. Taehyung had taught me how to handle situations like this and while my heart was pounding too hard and my brain was too scrambled to use any of his therapy techniques, I still had some of my cognitive abilities intact. 

He came here, i thought desperately. 

He came looking for you and that means he isn’t nervous or worried or overthinking this because he doesn’t have feelings for you. If you want to come out of this  unscathed, you need to get your head on straight. You need to pretend that you didn’t just have a minor mental breakdown at the thought of him dating someone else. 

I took a deep breath, exhaling sharply before stepping into the elevator. The ride down to the lobby was barely a few seconds and when I stepped out, I realized the place was way too crowded for such an exclusive Hotel. And then I remembered that people were here for the Art Festival. I glanced at the reception desk, covertly, noting a conspicuous lack of Jeon Jungkook. The lady behind the desk held her hand up when she spotted me .

“Ms. Kim? Mr. Jeon just went to get you a drink...He’s over by the breakfast counter over there.” She pointed out the dining space where people were walking about getting breakfast and I swallowed, feeling hot and cold as I cautiously stepped into the crowd, trying to find a that familiar head of thick dark hair. 

I felt the apprehension build as I tugged on my bottom lip between my teeth, trying to reign in the chaos in my mind but it was impossible, everything too loud and too messy. I looked around and then, it hit me. 

His scent. 

I felt my lips part in surprise, and it felt like someone had turned the volume down , noises fading into a dull hum at the back of my mind as I stared at him. He hadn’t spotted me yet and I took a second to just....look.

He looked incredible.

There was really no other word for it. Incredibly handsome, Incredibly beautiful and so incredibly perfect as the late morning sun lit up the room, picking out the shine on his white silk shirt. I breathed in deep, my mindeasily picking out the musky pine scent of him and I stepped closer, moving straight towards him and I caught the exact moment my scent his senses.

He jerked a bit, nostrils flaring and eyes going wide before he turned, lips parted and gaze a bit unfocused as he looked around.

When he caught sight of me, he just blinked. 

I smiled weakly, body going limp with relief because.... because this was Jungkook. Not some monster I had to run from. This was Jungkook....even at his worst he had been better than some of the other people I’d met in life. 

I looked down at the drink in his hand and smiled a bit as he made his way over. 

“ This isn’t the same as buying me a coffee.” I said shakily as he finally stepped upto me.

His eyes danced with warmth. 

“What makes you think I can afford one? Besides, aren’t you the hotshot artist? Shouldn’t you be the one buying me stuff?” He said softly. 

“Just saw you on the front cover of a magazine. We both know you’re far from destitute..” Even through the smile, I felt the tug of emotion as I stared at him, felt the difference in him like night and day, the light and joy and ...contentment that seemed to radiate off him .

He smiled and held the drink out to me gently.

“ Heejin-ah.” He whispered. 

And somehow it was the sound of his voice, wrapping around the syllables of my name that finally did it. 

I felt the tears brim over, my lips parting in choked laughter as I stepped close and wrapped both my arms around him, burying my face in his neck and breathing him in. I felt him hold me, infinitely gentle and I exhaled sharply.

“I didn’t miss you,  at all.” I said shakily. He laughed lightly. 

“I missed you , too.” He stroked the back of my head gently and I sighed, fingers curling on the silk of his shirt. The fabric felt like liquid in my fingers and I played with it for a second, intensely aware that people were starting to stare. That this embrace had gone on for longer than social norms dictated but I couldn’t bring myself to care, letting my chin rest against his shoulder blades. 

And it was almost frightening.....how easy it was to pretend we weren’t broken at all. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“She was so small when I last held her... I can’t believe she’s running around.” I said, awed, listening to Jungkook tell me about how Mina liked to climb everywhere. He laughed, shaking his head. 

"She’s growing bigger everyday. I can barely keep up.” Jungkook smiled, holding a hand out for me to step over the wooden slats that lined the tiny archway that led to the door to his building. I hesitated before lightly gripping his hand in mine, the gesture somehow feeling more intimate that it was. 

“You’re not staying at the Firenze?” I asked curiously, resisting the urge to reach for his hand again when he let go.

it was such a ridiculous thing but I’d never held hands with him. And It felt ridiculously nice, to slot my fingers with his, feel them in between mine. His palm against mine, calloused but somehow so comforting. 

 I’d forgotten how warm he was.

 Don’t. Don’t fall down this rabbit hole again, Heejin. We talked about this. He doesn’t think of you that way. He doesn’t. And neither should you. its unfair to him. He doesn’t deserve that. 

“No... As you can see my apartment is barely ten minutes away and Soeun has her exams so its easier for her to watch over Mina here at the apartment.

“Soeun?” I asked curiously.

“Park Soeun? She’s a University student who lives with me. She’s doing a correspondence course in fashion . So she’s home all the time and she helps out with Mina. And she speaks Italian so that’s a huge plus... ” He smiled. “ you’ll like her. She’s a good kid.” 

 Don’t make that face. Don’t fucking make that face, Heejin.

I struggled to keep my face straight , like I wasn’t feeling the weight of a dozen bricks at the base of my stomach. 

“A roommate...then..?” I asked quietly and he shrugged.

“Something like that. But mostly she helps take care of Mina when I’m out on an assignment.” He smiled and led me past two flight of stairs up to the studio apartment. 

I wrapped my arms around myself as he stopped in front of a wrought iron grill, gripping one end and sliding it open with ease. And then he rang the small bell n the side. I shuffled back and forth on my foot, heart racing. 

The door opened and I blinked because of how young the girl who opened the door was. A second later she was beaming, moving forward and wrapping both her arms around me.

“Unnie!” She squealed, hugging me so close that I almost choked. Completely thrown I could only gape at Jungkook who was laughing . 

“Oh, I forgot to mention..she’s a bit of a fan. “ He teased lightly and I smiled awkwardly, watching as she pulled back to stare at me, her gaze trained on my face unblinkingly. 

“Whoa...” She reached out and lightly touched my cheek with her forefinger making me jump. She flinched as well, flushing red.

“Shit..sorry...I just... I’ve never... I’ve never met an omega before.” She said softly. “ You’re absolutely breathtaking.”

I felt my heart pound, steeping back instinctively, an overwhelming urge to hide , anxiety pooling in my stomach as she continued to stare at me. I hated the attention and I wrapped my arms around myself. 

“Soeun, enough. Don’t make it weird.” Jungkook said sternly, voice hard and the girl immediately flushed, bowing apologetically. 

“Sorry...I.. sorry, I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable ... You’re pretty.” She said again before turning to Jungkook.

“I have to get some stuff for my exhibit, Jungkook oppa... Mina’s asleep. i’ll be staying over at Vince’s place for the night though. Is that okay?”

“Sure..have fun.” Jungkook smiled, “ Vince is her boyfriend.” He explained and Soeun nodded happily. 

“Italian men are absolutely amazing unnie...you should try some.” She winked and I laughed despite myself.

“I just might...” I said with a grin, watching as she walked over to slip on a pair of sneakers from the small shoe closet near the door. She waved enthusiastically all but bouncing away and I blinked at him , shaking my head.

“I feel a hundred years old right now.” I said softly, still stunned by the girl’s exorbitant energy. Jungkook laughed at that

“She definitely has that effect on people... Come on, I’ll show you around.” He held his hand out and I smiled , taking his fingers mine and letting him tug me further into the studio apartment. 

I looked around, taking in the full blown prints of Mina and Jungkook , caught in adorable poses in front of different tourist spots in Florence. I saw how much she looked like Jungkook now, and how openly affectionate they looked together, the love evident even in the still photos. 

And then my eyes fell on a familiar painting , my stomach lurching. 

“You... “ i turned to him in a rush and he was staring at me with a small smile.

“I had to bring that. It pretty much saved me, that painting.” He said casually, stepping close and running his fingers all over the print. 

“When you told me this is how Sooah saw me...” He traced the picture carefully before glancing at me,” it made me realize that Sooah didn’t just want a baby.....she wanted a baby with  me. She saw me as a father. As someone who could raise and nurture a tiny human  and that... that’s amazing isn’t it?” He sighed, staring at me.  

He looked beautiful, I thought with an ache deep inside me. The most beautiful man I’d ever seen in my life and it seemed almost too good to be true. That he was here, at reach. So close. I wondered if this was it. This had to be a sign. A sign that we’d come full circle. That it was over. That we could finally break free from all that we’d been through, and look back at Jungkook’s past with fondness instead of pain.

And perhaps, just perhaps I could reach out and touch him with something more than just the love you have for a friend. . Perhaps I could reach out and touch him, without feeling guilt and foreboding.

I exhaled shakily stepping up and running my fingers over the canvas. It was nothing fancy... Just a painting a painting of Jungkook holding Mina up by her waist, high over his head, staring up into her face with all the love and adoration in the world, The child in the painting doesn’t look exactly like Mina, of course, but I’d had no idea , seeing as Sooah had commissioned the painting when she was pregnant. But Jungkook.... Jungkook looked exactly like he did now : Happy and at peace. 

“You’re alright, then?” I asked quietly , a wealth of meaning behind the words and he smiled , nodding gently. 

“I’m fine…” He whispered , “ And I’m so glad I can tell you that, like this. Thank you for coming , Heejin-ah . I know you owe me nothing but.. I wanted to show you that… it wasn’t all bad you know. What we went through… Something good did come out of it.” He whispered.

I choked out a sob.

“I lied.” I whispered. “ I did miss you. Even when I knew I shouldn’t.”

Jungkook’s gaze softened.

“I have a lot to be sorry for. But I don’t want to remind you of those things. I just want you to know that… I understand what you went through…those six months. I understand that it was difficult and painful and i… I’m grateful that you didn’t give up on me. And I’m grateful that you stayed in my life.  Because I know I didn’t deserve that.”

“You deserve to be loved Jungkook.” I said quietly. “ Its not wrong to move on. You deserve to… find happiness again.”

He stared at me, his gaze soft and gentle.

“I can almost believe it, when you say it that way.” He laughed. “ And… you know… I’m not sure if its love. But there’s someone I’ve been…. Well, I can sort of see myself with her. .” He grinned a little, smile boyish as he ran his fingers through his hair. He glanced at me and I felt my heart skip a beat.

Wait… was he going to?....

“ I met her at Taehyung’s practice, a year ago. Her name is Lee Hyorin.” Jungkook looked at me, doe eyes shining with excitement.

And just like that the world ended.

Or so it felt.

It was like being dipped in icy cold water, the shock of it rendering me speechless, lips parted and breath catching in lungs.

Blood rushed through my ears, so fast that I felt lightheaded, my legs nearly giving out. White noise filled my skull, pain lancing sharp through my heart like a thousand paper cuts, and I couldn’t really breathe. It took a few seconds…. For my heart to catch up with what my mind had just processed. And when it finally did, the pain was so excruciating, I had to clench my fists, nails digging into the flesh of my palm to ground myself.

“She’s an alpha…and she lost her husband around the same time Sooah passed..” Jungkook gave me a soft smile. “ She’s actually a curator at one of the museums here. She’s the one who made all the arrangements for me to move here to Florence. ”

“Wow… That’s…” devastating,. “ That’s good news. Jungkook.. I.. How long…” My voice cracked, and I had to swallow. “ How long have you guys been dating?”

“About three months now. We’re taking it very slow, because we aren’t really ready. She has a son too. He’s three years old. Mina loves him so that’s a plus.” He laughed.

My lungs constricted, breathing difficult and my head swam because ….. what. Realization set in so quickly, I was left reeling. I was in love with this bastard, I thought miserably. So in love with him that it felt like he was shredding my heart into ribbons. Every word of his mouth felt like a sharp deep stab, straight through the center of my heart and the pulsing, beating organ was on the verge of giving out.

“She’s going to be there at the dinner tonight at the Festival. She’s one of the organizers by the way. She’s kind of the reason I got in, I think.” He laughed , looking abashed and what a load of bull that was. Jungkook was successful and well known. Superbly talented at his chosen field. She was lucky to have him.

How can she have him when I’m the one who fixed him? How is that fucking fair?

“She really understands the things I’ve been going through, the past few months and because we both still attend therapy with Taehyung, we’re able to talk about a lot of stuff. Stuff I can’t share with others…” Jungkook was saying and I tuned him out, not wanting to hear another word.

I swallowed, choking on bile. I could feel sweat gathering on my scalp, my skin clammy and damp , the air between us shifting into something poisonous and filled with so much dismay, it was a miracle he hadn’t picked up on it.

Couldn’t he sense how distressed I was? Couldn’t he see how his words were hurting? Couldn’t he fucking see that I couldn’t live without him? Why on earth couldn’t he see me the way he apparently saw every other woman on the damn planet…..

Because he’s a shitty Alpha, I thought miserably, willing myself not to burst into tears. He was a shitty excuse for an alpha back then and he’s the same now.

A low, distressed cry began somewhere behind him and he jumped.

“Oh, shit she’s up… come on, Heejin.” He said with a bright smile, turning around and rushing down a small hallway and I willed myself to breathe in deeply, reminding myself that this wasn’t the end of the world. I could get through this. Besides, it was Mina.

Beautiful, perfect Mina who had been there for me. She would see me and she would give me that sweet gummy smile of hers, does eyes twinkling and I would get through this. Because her smile was what was important. Her smile and her joy and her happiness.

The sobbing had slowed down to small hiccups and I stepped past the threshold cautiously, watching as Jungkook bent over the large crib, carefully lifting her out and into his arms. She looked breathtaking, an absolutely gorgeous little girl . I stared, mesmerized as I stepped closer. My arms ached, and my chest tightened. Lips wobbling, I exhaled sharply, moving to reach for her.

She turned to glance at me and just as my fingers brushed her cheek, she recoiled.

Hard.

A loud wail tore through her tiny body and I felt my eyes go wide. Her casual little cry had turned into a sobbing , loud wail and I could smell the distress in her , the fear and distrust as she curled away from me.  Jungkook looked stunned as well, instinctively drawing her close and embracing her, moving away from me because….

Because I was the reason, she was distressed.  

My skin went ice cold at the revelation and I stumbled back, stunned.

“I… I’m sorry.” I choked out, confused and disoriented. Jungkook looked stricken, gently rocking her back and forth and she clung to him, gripping his shirt and I bit my lips, moving further back and I glanced at him, my heart shattering.

“She’s …She’s still sleepy… She doesn’t do well with strangers…” He said softly, looking upset, “ Maybe you could…wait outside…”

Stranger…. Was that what I was?

“I… I’ll go. I’ll just go.” I turned on my heel, rushing out of the door and struggling to breathe in air, my heart clenching so hard I was sure I was going to pass out. I felt my knees give out when I reached the couch, dropping down and drawing my knees up , wrapping my arms around my legs . I didn’t know how long I sat there, fighting sobs and choking on air…and when I finally came to myself, the sobs from the room had died out.

“She’s fallen asleep again.” Jungkook’s voice cut through the silence and I couldn’t bring myself to look up. I felt him move closer, felt his scent hit me as he stepped right up to me, kneeling on the floor in front of me.

I looked up at him, lips wobbling as I took in his handsome face.  A face that was so deeply carved into my heart and my soul, I couldn’t imagine living without it. Without him. The tears came then, helpless and endless and so painful.

He pressed in closer, cupping my face in his palms, thumb brushing the tears that spilled over so relentlessly.

“Heejin…” He whispered and I let my fingers curl around his wrist as his thumb kept brushing the curve of my cheeks. I took a deep , shaky breath .

“She doesn’t remember me….  “ I whispered, “ She doesn’t recognize me at all…She hates me……” I choked out , despair filling every last crevice of my insides, gut twisting as I remembered how Mina had twisted away from me, how her scent had soured in distress at the sight of me, at the touch of my fingers.

 And I wondered if it was different with this other woman..Hyorin, wasn’t it? Did Mina climb into her arms with ease? Did she curl into her chest and sleep? The way she used to with me,  when she was a month old and missing the warmth of a mother.. ….

All those nights spent in that tiny nursery, lying on the cold unforgiving floor, watching the rise and fall of Mina’s chest through the dark room…telling myself it was worth it… it was worth being touched against my will, worth being treated like filth by a man driven mad with grief and anger….all because of this baby…this tiny little baby who had needed me….

And now…she didn’t even know who I was…..worse…she was repulsed by the very sight of me… I couldn’t cope.

“Look at me…” Jungkook rasped, voice raw and cracking. “she doesn’t hate you, Heejin… she just … you feel new to her… different…” 

I shook my head, unable to think about anything beyond the sheer devastation that filled me, the way his daughter had pulled away and run, had refused to come anywhere near me. I realized with lancing pain that I’d wanted to see her, way more than I’d wanted to see Jungkook .

Because she was the reason I’d hung on for so long in that marriage which had been the biggest fucking mistake of my life…. the only reason I’d stuck around . Mina …Having her in my arms, her scent against my face, that had been the only genuine happiness I’d experienced  in a marriage filled with sheer , unending misery. 

“I… she… Why doesn’t she remember? “ I breathed, sagging into his arms, tears soaking his shoulders and his palm ran up and down my back.

“Because she was a baby. Heejin…. I left when she was a baby…”

“Why did you?” I snapped. “ Did it hurt you so much? The thought of living under the same sky as me ? Why you did you go?” I demanded.

Jungkook pulled back, hands coming up to grip my shoulder, holding me at arms length.

“Look at me.” He whispered. “ I had to … You know I had to go….I was hurting you. I was… I was draining you of life. Destroying you… “

Jungkook’s words reminded me of who he was. Of who I was… Of who I was to him.

I choked out, sobbing.

“I hate you. You treated me like scum. Like a crutch….. Like some sort of tool to get better and you just left… you…”

You found someone better. You broke me down and now you’ve gone and found someone better….because I was never good enough for you… I was never someone you could love….

“I had to let you go. I had to end that relationship because it was tainted with so much grief and anger and selfishness and greed. I knew that anything I did afterwards would be tainted by my actions… I… I had to make amends, Heejin. And do you think for a second, that it wasn’t the hardest thing I ever did? That walking out on you wasn’t one of the most devastating things I’ve ever experienced? But I did it for us… for this…” 

I stared at him.

“And what is this?” I asked brokenly.

“This is me, being able to touch you like this.” Jungkook pressed a palm to my cheek, “ And not feeling guilt or sadness or grief or loss.  I did it so we could have this…this… This thing where I can look at you and hold you and see that you’re healing. That you’re doing better… That you’re living the life you want…. That you’re happy. This is me standing here , in front of you and smiling because I’m happy too. Happy that you’re here.  ” He exhaled, “ I’m happy that despite all the hurt we’ve been through for and because of each other, I can look at you now and tell you, honestly, that I’m glad to see you.” 

What a joke.. What a fucking joke.

I smiled shakily.

“Well… “ I said softly, my stomach churning because I was done. Done with him and mostly with myself. “ Isn’t that absolutely wonderful.”

His gaze softened and he smiled.

“I want us to be friends, Heejinah. Even though we don’t see or talk to each other, I think of you often. And when Mina’s old enough to understand , I’ll tell her all about you… I want you in our lives. You’re a friend. ”

I stared at him , feeling the words echo in my skull . It left an acrid taste on my senses, the way he put me into this neat little box, friend. So ….insignificant. Everyone had hundreds of friends. There was nothing even remotely special about being someone’s friend.

Friend just meant replaceable and forgettable. And just like Mina didn’t remember me…. Someday Jungkook wouldn’t either. The knowledge filled my veins spreading all over my body and leaving a fierce, heavy ache in my chest.

It was my fault, I thought despondently. My fault because I had been an idiot.

Jungkook was the sane one here , I thought miserably. These nine months, while I’d been dwelling on him and worrying for him…he had done the healthy thing , by moving on with someone he could actually envision a future with….

What had I done, these past nine months? Dreamt up a fantasy world where somehow we found our way back to each other and built a life together… It seemed so foolish now, in the light of Jungkook’s words and his confession….

Jungkook had done all of this, not for me…but for himself. For his daughter whom he loved and for his wife , whose memory he wanted to honor. And perhaps it was my own delusion that made me think that I’d played some stellar role in his healing…. Maybe if I hadn’t been there, he would have gotten better just the same…. Maybe I hadn’t been a tool …as much as a hindrance …to his healing.

I shook my head, bitterness coating my tongue.

“I should get going.” I whispered , voice shaking.

This is it, I told myself. This is the last time you look at him with that heaviness in your heart. You deserve better. You deserve… a lot of things. And just because people don’t give it to you doesn’t mean you have to settle for less……

“So soon? Hyorin will be back in a couple of hours… I could show you some of my work, and we could get lunch ….”

I shook my head quickly. I didn’t want to meet her in his home. Didn’t want to see him being domestic and affectionate and …normal with her when all I’d ever seen was Jungkook in his anger and grief, either yelling abuses or gripping me with a lust that was tainted with violence and rage. I stared at his hands, the ones I’d liked holding….

How did I forget? That those were the same hands that had held me down and done things that should, rightfully have landed him in prison?

I shook my head, to clear the images out of my head. Looking at him now,  Jungkook looked eager, happy and healed. And I realized that he’d just pushed all of his own actions out of his mind. Forgotten all about it. And that was fair. He probably didn’t even remember any of it. He had been drunk out of his mind, lost in his head and surely, forgetting must’ve been easy… A relief.

I didn’t begrudge him that.

But…

I hadn’t been drunk. I’d been stone cold sober under him on that bed and so, maybe forgetting didn’t come that easily for me. And I was glad that Jungkook could move on and be happy but….

But I couldn’t stay here and pretend that it was the same for me. I wasn’t happy or healed, I thought miserably. And maybe , maybe the sight of him moving on was a sign that I had to stop thinking that healing meant going back to him and his daughter.

“Heejin… What’s wrong? Is it because of Mina.. she’s just not used to…” He began but I quickly pressed a palm to his chest, smiling.

“Strangers.” I said softly. “ I know. That’s not it… You know I have to introduce my exhibit at dinner tonight. I don’t know what the itinerary is or what I’m supposed to say…. None of it.. I need to meet my agent and prep myself a bit. Its alright…I’ll see you tonight.” I said softly.

“I’m sorry… I can’t walk you back because Mina-“

“Of course. Don’t worry about it…. I’ll just…”

The doorbell rang, startling me.

“Jungkook!” A strong voice called out and I went still.

“Hyorin?” Jungkook’s face lit up and I felt my stomach churn. God, the universe really was against me wasn’t it? Sighing in defeat, I wrapped my arms around myself, sitting back down on the couch and waiting.

Behind me , I could hear hushed whispers, soft laughter and shuffling feet. My mouth went dry.

“Ms. Kim….”

I turned around, greeted by the sight of a tall, strapping young woman, pretty by any standards. She was dressed in a pant suit , her hair long and straight, hitting the top of her shoulders. She looked smart… Important.

“Ms. Lee… Its nice to meet you.”

She held her hand out and I shook it gently.  Jungkook smiled at her fondly and his phone rang from somewhere inside the studio.

“Hang on that’s probably Soeun…” He smiled at me and moved away and I watched him leave before shifting my gaze to Hyorin, who was staring down at me with a small smile.

“Are you here in Italy by yourself? Or with one of your many …uh… patrons ?” She smirked.

I blinked.

“Patrons?” I asked softly. “ Excuse me?”

“Jungkook and I’ve been following all the stories about you, back in Korea. You get around quite a lot… don’t you? Every alpha within a 100 mile radius wants a piece of the lovely Kim Heejin… And honestly, could anyone blame them? You look exquisite.”

I stared at her, stunned. The implication was so obvious that I would be an idiot not to realize what she was hinting at. So this was the woman , Jungkook chose? Yet another prejudiced bigot?

I laughed a bit, feeling my heart sink.

“I’m not seeing anyone. If that’s what you’re asking.” I said quietly.

Hyorin smirked at that.

“Of course you aren’t… We all know that isn’t really something your kind does… monogamy, right?”

“Do you have a problem with me Hyorin ssi?” I asked roughly and she laughed.

“Oh come on.. we’re all adults, here. And Heejin, you  agreed to be a part of this festival, knowing full well, that’s what we think . Its because deep down you know I’m right….. Omegas can’t stay with one alpha. They need sex to survive and they are usually open to it with anyone. Not that I’m blaming you or judging you for it. It’s just how you’re built.”

I smiled wide, ignoring the urge to claw at her face. .

“Well, you’ve definitely got me all figured out haven’t you? “ I shook my head, glancing at Jungkook who was making his way over.

“What are you talking about?” He asked curiously and I smiled, glancing at her.

“ Hyorin ssi was just telling me how my sub gender makes it impossible for me to not go around whoring with every alpha I see…….” I glanced at him and Jungkook straightened, looking stunned, “ Well, I hope you two enjoy your beautiful monogamous relationship with each other something an omega like me can only fantasize about…. Right Jungkook?” I smiled and he looked completely lost.

“Wait…What? Hyorin what did you say?” He demanded and she was glaring at me now.

“Please don’t take it personally, I was only talking about omegas in general. “ Hyorin frowned, before bowing and moving away to stalk off in the direction of the bedrooms and I watched her, feeling dirty and terrible.

“Heejin, ignore her.. she’s just old fashioned and-“

“Is that what you’re going to call it?” I snapped and Jungkook froze.

“Heejin…”

I shook my head in disbelief.

“I’m not upset about what she said. I’m upset that she feels comfortable enough, spouting that bullshit to me , in your house. Makes me wonder what else she’s told you about omegas, and how much of it you probably agreed with.”

Jungkook stared at me , lips parted.

“I… I don’t feel that way. You know that.” He said stiltedly.

“Do I? All I know is that she knows about me, about who I am and apparently, she can call me a slut…. In front of you, without worrying about it upsetting you. And that tells me you’re as much of a bigot as she is.”

“Heejin… You know that’s not it. We all grow up being fed certain things and –“

“But you did grow up right?” I snapped. “ you grew up and you can think and act for yourself. As can she. Once you’re an adult, you don’t have a single fucking excuse for being racist or homophobic or bigoted because being an adult means having the ability to unlearn the toxic things you’ve been taught and relearn how to be a decent fucking human.”

I shook my head as he stared at me.

“And you know what…please just… just don’t call me or consider me as a friend.” I laughed. “ Because I don’t think I can consider you one. Not anymore. You can’t…...You can’t just love certain parts of me and be disgusted by others you know? I don’t need a friend who can care about me and love me and help me as long as he can forget that I’m an omega….. I need a friend who can love every jagged, broken , part of me. Who can call out people who talk bullshit at me , who can look someone in the eye and tell them they’re wrong when they’re calling me names  and that’s not who you are……. You’re not it.” I snapped.

Jungkook looked stricken, reaching out to hold me and I stepped away, annoyed.

“I’m sorry, Heejin, you’re right … I’ll talk to her… I’ll…” He began but I shook my head.

“Whatever.  Just don’t call me a friend. We can’t be friends. Let’s just be what we always were , yeah? A big fucking mistake that never should have happened.”

I stormed out of the door, shaking.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“What do you mean, there are no flights available for today?” I snapped. “Tell them money isn’t an issue. I need to get out of this place right now.”

Minho looked incredibly stricken, hair messy from how often he’d run his fingers through.

“ We just arrived seven hours ago, Hee. Of course there’s no flight yet…. We can stay another day…attend the dinner and-“

“No.” I snapped. “ Absolutely not. I’m not here because they find my art good  or worth putting up. I’m here because they know the alphas around here will want to pay more , to pour in more cash for a chance with me.” I held the embossed booklet up, waving it in his face.

“Heejin…” He protested but I shook my head.

“ Did you see the cost to get into my pane ?. Extra ….for alphas? And yet…apparently they had to pre book it and its filled? You think any of the lecherous bastards who paid money to see me , gives a shit about my art?  And apparently, there’s a meet and greet, for alphas only if they purchase seven or more paintings worth over 10000 Euros. Do you think, that’s what I’m worth?”

Minho looked down at his shoes, ashamed.

“I .. I’m sorry, Hee. You’re right. Its offensive . And an insult to your art and talent. We shouldn’t have come here, you’re right. And I regret it… But just… give me a few hours, yeah? I’ll find a way to get us out of here….”

I exhaled sharply, exhaustion weighing heavy on my head. I felt like I’d taken a pounding, physically and mentally and I wondered how a day that had started so well, could go so wrong, so fast…

Shaking my head, I trudged wearily to the elevator, knocking on the buttons before sagging against the wall, letting my eyes flutter shut.

Jungkook was dating.

Jungkook was dating. His girlfriend thought I was a slut and here I was about to prove her right.

I wanted to slit someone’s throat.

Sighing, I watched the door slide open, grabbing my keys out of my bag,  and moving to the suite. I opened the door before making a beeline for the bed. I collapsed on the soft duvet, groaning. I was torn between wanting to call Taehyung to yell at him about Jungkook and calling Minho to demand an update on the flights.

I was spared the dilemma when the phone in the room rang. Groaning, I moved to swat at the phone, turning on the speaker.

“Ms. Kim? There’s a Mr. Jeon here to see you?”

I blinked, feeling disbelief swell inside me. Did he not get the hint?

Annoyed, I sat up.

“Send him up.” I said, in no mood to go all the way down to see him.

“Up?” She sounded surprised, “ To your room?”

“Yes. To my room. Is that a fucking problem?” I growled, annoyed.

“Not at all Ms. Kim. He’ll be right up.”

I got out of bed, shrugging off my jacket and taking off my dress as well. It was a little damp because I’d sweated through the fabric. I grabbed one of my oversized t shirts , slipping it on and moving to open the door before retreating back to the inner room. Feeling annoyed, I walked up to the vanity and grabbed the hair brush, running the bristles through my locks. I heard his footsteps outside and stiffened.

“If you’re here to defend your shitty girlfriend, you can just leave Jungkook. I swear to God, I’ve had enough of this.” I shouted. He didn’t reply and my hackles rose.

“Listen, I’m sorry if I said something harsh-“ I froze when I reached the doorway, staring at the man in front of me. He had a large , almost humongous bouquet of wild orchids and roses in his hand and I stared at his face.  

This was definitely not Jungkook.

“Umm… hi.” The man bowed awkwardly, his gaze going straight to my legs, where my t shirt ended, just a couple of inches past my waist. I felt the blood rush to my face.

“Who are you…Get out !!!” I shouted, horrified, diving for my jacket and holding it up against my bare thighs. The man held both his hands up, eyes wide..

“I’m sorry… I… you said I could come up to your room….” He protested and I scowled, confused.

“What? “ I stared, stunned… “ Who…what?”

“I’m Wonwoo. Jeon Wonwoo. I’m uh….one of the sponsors for this festival. And a fan. Huge fan.” He was staring at me beseechingly and I felt my head begin to throb.

The sheer relentlessness of this day…..

“I… Mr. Jeon…” So weird, God, “ There’s been a misunderstanding. I’m not…. I thought you were someone else.”

“Jungkook yes…your ex husband, right? You were married to him for six months after he lost his wife….. He’s also one of the artists exhibiting their work here.” He nodded quickly, running long fingers through thick glossy hair, lips parting in a hesitant smile and I stared at him.

“How do you know all that? ” I demanded, heart pounding. He immediately held his hands up again.

“I’m sorry… I sound like a stalker, shit. But Trust me I’m not. I just am a huge fan.. I looked up some stuff about you….before.” He shuffled a bit awkwardly, finally looking up at me.

I tried to catch his scent. No scent to speak of. A beta then. Relaxing just a bit, I swallowed. At least I wasn’t in any immediate danger. But still, I had no intention of letting him see me in nothing but a t shirt. Embarrassed, I gripped the jacket tighter.

“Why are you here?” I demanded angrily, taking in his appearance. He didn’t look like a hoodlum or someone dangerous. He was good looking, dressed in a white t shirt and black Jacket over plain black slacks. His shoes looked expensive and I didn’t miss the shiny Rolex on his wrist either,.

“Well, for one thing I own the Hotel.” He chuckled and that made my stomach turn. “And also like I said, I’m one of the main sponsors for the Festival itself.”

“Right.” I was too disoriented to process this, head throbbing. “Of course. Is there a reason why you wanted to see me?”

“I was downstairs…just now… I couldn’t help but overhear you with your agent. You wanted to leave as soon as possible. To pull out of the event and I’m just here to try and change your mind, Ms. Kim.” He smiled earnestly and I realized he was really quite young.

I sighed.

“Could you… Could you wait outside? I want to put some clothes on before we talk any further.” I said tiredly and he bowed quickly.

“Uh… These…I’ll just leave these here.” He placed the large bunch of flowers on the table before quickly leaving the room and I swore, racing to the suitcase in the corner. I quickly grabbed a pair of jeans, slipping them on hastily and zipping myself up before glancing at the mirror again. This would have to do.

I moved to the door and opened it, finding him right there, looking lost.

“I… come in, please.” I said hesitantly and he bowed again, moving in and waiting for me to close the door and take a seat on the couch, before sinking into an arm chair across from me.

“Did you see the itinerary? It doesn’t get more sexualized than this.” I waved the booklet and he flushed.

“I understand you’re upset about … certain things. I’m sorry that you feel objectified , in the festival. It wasn’t the intention I had when I first told Hyorin and the others that I wanted them to invite you. But , I’ve been busy the past month, and I didn’t go over the complete agenda. If I did, I definitely would have made sure that you were treated with just as much respect as the others. Unfortunately, there’s not much I can do now, but I’ve had a word with all of the panelists and also the hosts. We won’t entertain any question or comments of a sexual nature and if anyone tries to insinuate anything , I’ll have them removed from the panel myself. “ He said firmly.

“I’m only here because you told me you would exhibit my mother’s works too.” I said sharply and he bowed.

“ Your mother’s works are just as exquisite and I’ve arranged for them to be displayed right at the center of the arena, with a running slide show of her childhood , her art technique and the great love she had for her daughter.” He said firmly.

I could only stare. He sounded incredibly sincere and there was no mistaking the earnestness in his tone.

“I’m….” I bit my lips, “  Listen, Mr. Jeon, I’m flattered but honestly, I never wanted to be here. I… there was … something else that made me want to come and well, that turned out to be a huge mistake. To be honest, I’m not sure if I have it in me to suffer through days of people treating me like I’m some kind of sex crazed bimbo.” I shook my head.

“how about this.? You let me be your date for tonight and you let me display your work, today at the dinner itself. I’ll be right by your side. And then, I’ll have my private jet on standby and we can fly back to Korea. You deserve the spotlight, Heejin and I want people to see how good you are at what you do. I don’t care if I lose money over this… As long as you’re comfortable. ”

I gawked at him, stunned.

“Private Jet?” I choked out. “ Okay, now I’m genuinely concerned.”

He laughed.

“I’m a Hotelier, and I have properties all over the world and I like to inspect them personally most of the time. Its more practical to have a private jet than to try and align my schedules with everyone else.” He smiled.

“Right. Convenient.” I shook my head. “ I’m no stranger to excessive wealth, Mr. Jeon and trust me, it’s always left a  sour taste in my mouth.”

“I don’t flaunt my wealth, Ms. Kim. These clothes? Got them on the streets of Florence. I drive a Mazda. Wealth has no meaning to me. People do. People like you, who bring beauty into the world with their craft. You’ve made my world beautiful and I just want to repay , in some way.” He smiled,  “ Also,  You’re very  beautiful.” He added and then immediately looked away. “ I’m sorry. That was… dumb . I shouldn’t have said that. I’m sorry if that made you uncomfortable.”

Endeared against my own wishes, I found myself fighting a small smile.

“Just tonight’s dinner?” I asked quietly.

“Just the dinner party.” He assured me quickly.

“Alright. But I’m not getting into any private Jet. My agent will book me tickets and I’ll find my way back to Korea.”

“As you wish. I’ll pick you up at seven. What color is your dress?” He asked casually and I blinked.

“Uh… Wine red? I guess? Why?”

He grinned, looking boyishly handsome.

“I’ll see you at seven, Ms. Kim.”

He bowed, before pausing by the bouquet. He grabbed a couple of  flowers, holding them up for me to see.  

“Daffodils and Lilacs.” He grinned, “ To finding something new to love. And to new beginnings.”

Wow.

Subtle.

I shook my head, momentarily forgetting all about Jungkook as I grinned all the way back to the bedroom.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“I told you… coming with me will earn you major points.” Wonwoo smirked as he pulled me in by my waist , holding my dress up for me as I stared at the sleek black limousine at the Hotel entrance. I watched as he held my wrist gently, latching a string of sterling silver and red rubies around the delicate curve of it.

“This is too lavish…I don’t want this…Who are you?” I demanded, flushing because of the way the flashes went off in every direction, reporters scrambling when they caught sight of him. He was clearly popular, if the number of photos being clicked were any indication. I regretted everything.

Wonwoo pressed a kiss to my wrists, right near the bracelet and gently placed my palm on the curve of his elbow, leading me over to the car and I watched the chauffeur open the door for us.  

“ Someone who can get anyone here fired. Be careful , sweetheart.” I watched in mute horror as he bent low, picking up the hem of my skirt so I wouldn’t trip, while climbing into the limousine. The reporters began whispering excitedly and more flashes went off . My face completely red, I hastened to climb in.

“These people look at you like you’re some kind of King.” I stared out of the tinted windows seeing the sheer multitude of people and Wonwoo chuckled.

“ That’s because I am. At least for tonight. And that’s why I’m the perfect guy to protect you Heejin. They’re all terrified of me.” He winked.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Jungkook found me, fifteen minutes into the event. I hung by the large archway, near an alcove, sipping champagne and nibbling on some hors d’oeuvre as people threw glances at me. I noticed the conspicuous lack of a date on his arm and straightened, sighing and bracing myself for more unpleasantness as he picked his way through the crowd, eyes trained on me.

“Can we talk?” He said, the minute he was at hearing distance and I exhaled.

“No.” I said casually and he made a noise of impatience.

“Fucking, hell Heejin..just…” He swore again, looking upset. “ Why are you doing this to me? What do you want from me huh?”

I stared at him in disbelief.

“What do I want from you? Oh, fuck off Jungkook. I want nothing from you.” I snapped, turning on my heel, ready to leave but his hand shot out, gripping me right above my elbow, fingers curling in hard.

“Fuck.. listen. I don’t know what she said to you. I .. I’m sorry if she offended you…. Alright? She’s an alpha… I can’t change the way she thinks…”

“I didn’t ask you to. I merely said that if you associate yourself with people who think I’m scum, I won’t let you into my life. Because I respect myself too much for that.” I said firmly.

“She doesn’t think you’re scum, Heejin come on. She just has some misconceptions about certain things.”

“God, Jungkook…just stop. Alright? Stop. Because I’m not asking you do anything. I’m leaving on a flight tomorrow morning and you’ll never see me again. That’s all there is to it.”

He froze at that, fingers curling harder around my arm and it hurt, the skin turning red. Stupid fucker, never knew his own strength.

“Ow, Jungkook let go.” I whispered, and he did, albeit reluctantly.

I rubbed at the bruised skin, furious. I watched as the redness healed over, the pain fading to a throb and then into a pleasant heat and I hated it. Hated that being an omega meant that Jungkook’s rough touch turned to pleasure on my skin.

“What do you mean you’re leaving tomorrow? The Festival is for two weeks.”

I sighed.

“I didn’t come here for the festival. I came here to see you. To see if you were as hung up on me as I was on you…but apparently not.” I snapped.

Jungkook went perfectly still at that.

“What the fuck does that mean?” He said softly and I laughed, shaking my head.

“Wow. You really never even considered it huh? Us? Together.?” It wasn’t funny at all, but I could only laugh. Probably because I’d been so sure.. So certain that there was something there.

He opened his mouth to answer but I felt a warm solidness behind me, an arm wrapping around my waist and a second later, Wonwoo was there pressing up against me.

“Jungkook-ssi… Such a pleasure to meet you.” He held his hand out, and Jungkook frowned, his eyes trained on where wonwoo’s fingers curled around my waist.

“Get your hands off her.” He said shortly and Wonwoo blinked, pulling away from me and stepping back .

“What the-? No. Fuck you.” I snapped, glaring at Jungkook before grabbing Wonwoo’s hand and bringing it back around me. “Don’t you fucking dare take your hands off.” I held my finger up at his face and Wonwoo looked momentarily stunned.

“Really, Heejin? You’re doing this?” Jungkook glared at me. “ We need to talk.”

“So talk.” I snapped. “ Tell me why you think a bigoted bitch is the best you can do in terms of dating. Tell me why she’s the only one who can ‘ understand’ “ I made air quotes, shaking my head, “ You think you and your shitty have monopoly on grief Jungkook? I’ve lost people too. Just because I haven’t screwed other people over because of it, doesn’t make my grief invalid….yeah.”

Ringing silence followed and I regretted everything.

“Fuck.” I whispered, shaking my head. “ I .. Shit. I need to get out of here.”

I pulled away from Wonwoo, moving out of the huge ballroom and Jungkook was right behind me, of course he was.

“Heejin…fuck. Wait. You’re right. I didn’t mean to imply that you didn’t understand me. Of course you did. Its why you stuck around… I know that. And you’re right, she had no business talking about you like that. I’ll have a word with her… But…”

I sped up, wanting to get away but he grabbed me again, tugging me closer out of the hall way and into a darkened alcove and I flinched when he pushed me up against the wall, caging me in, as he pressed in closer.

“What did you mean by that?” He demanded, hands coming up to grip my waist, curling gently and my chest heaved at the touch of him, the enclosed space making his scent turn potent, strong and impossible to avoid. My nostril flared as I breathed him in, familiar and yet so foreign, comforting and yet so fucking dangerous.

“By what?” I snapped and his hands moved up, shaping the curves of my body , thumb grazing the tip of my breast and making me jump, before moving up, gripping my face, gently. He pressed his thumb into my lower lip, rubbing back and forth, face impossibly close and I swallowed, throat sandpaper dry.

“About us? Together….” He breathed and I exhaled shakily.

“You know what I meant.” I whispered. “ If you don’t then I can’t explain it.” I whispered and he swore, head dropping against mine, forehead resting against mine, and lips less than a hairsbreadth away.

We’ve never kissed, I thought suddenly. I licked my lips, turning my face away but his fingers gripped my chin at once, yanking me around to stare at him again.

“Look at me, baby. Tell me… You thought about us together?” He whispered .

I breathed shakily.

“Of course I did…. “ I snapped.

“Then clearly therapy isn’t working for you.” He snapped right back and I flinched.

“What-“

Jungkook pulled away staring at me.

“ Do you even remember all the shit I did to you?” He asked quietly. My stomach dropped.

“Jungkook.”

“I broke your ribs.” He said calmly. I swallowed.

“That.. That was an accident. You didn’t mean to.” I protested. “ And we’re past all that… I don’t… I don’t blame you for it.” I said, which was honest enough.

“And what about the nights I got drunk, Heejin….” He said softly and my skin went cold.

“That… That was just… It was just an outlet for your grief… “ I looked away and he scoffed.

“You’re calling it an outlet for grief. I believe the world calls it rape.”

I felt my entire body shiver at the word , moving up to wrap my arms around his neck, trying to pull him close but he was stiff as a board.

“ Don’t” I snapped. “ Don’t …. Its over…it’s in the past.”

“It was still me. I was the one who did it and I can’t… I can’t pretend it didn’t happen.”

I pulled away to glare at him.

“So , what? You won’t give us a chance because of something I’ve already forgiven you for?”

“Yes.” He said shortly. “ Because you may have forgiven me, but I haven’t forgiven myself.”

I felt my body sag in disbelief.

“Jungkook that’s-“

“You deserve better. You always have. I’m not… I don’t deserve someone like you Heejin. You’re kind and breathtaking and I’m just… a broken mess of a man who’s barely getting by.”

“Oh, right… So broken.” I scoffed. “ You’re on the front page of magazines, you have a successful career and a beautiful girlfriend,,,,forgive me if I’m not breaking my heart over your failures.”

Jungkook exhaled shakily before looking up at me.

“  You wanna know the truth about me, Heejin-ah?” He swallowed. “ I just got out of rehab last week.”

I went still.

“What?” I was sure I’d misheard.

“I… I came here and about a month or so in…I started drinking again…” He glanced away and my heart turned over inside me.

“Jungkook, what?” I demanded, horrified.

“I got drunk and got into an argument with a cop. I hit him. They found out I was a single father and-“ He shook his head, “ I got arrested for disorderly conduct , Public intoxication and assault.”

I stared at him in disbelief, unable to keep the disappointment out of my tone.

“ Arrested for assault... Jungkook why?” I breathed and he flushed.

“I know…. It was stupid.. I… I was stupid.” He said softly.  “Soeun isn’t a baby sitter. She’s a social worker. She’s here to keep an eye on me because they want to make sure I’m not a threat to Mina. If I slip up, they’ll deport me back home and then the state will likely take her away from me. Soeun likes me….so she agreed to lie to you ……And as for the girlfriend…” He laughed, shaking his head, “ Hyorin broke up with me after I got arrested. We’re not… We’re not dating. She was only there to get some prints for the panel tomorrow.” He finished shakily.

I stared at him.

“Why?” I demanded . “ Why would you lie to me… Jungkook ….”

“Because I didn’t want you to think I was a screw up.” He said shakily. “ I know I’m supposed to be getting better and I have but… But sometimes I just…I miss…. I miss home. “ He shuddered. “ And you.”  He looked up at me. “ I miss you a lot, Heejin and it hurts and I feel like the only way I can forget about you…about us together is if I drink. And I’m sorry. I know I don’t have the right to miss you, not after everything I put you through but I… it’s how I feel. ” He glanced away, trembling a little.

I wrapped my arms around myself, stepping away, feeling myself go cold.

We stayed quiet for a few seconds, both of us staring at the floor lost in our own thoughts. I felt drained. Miserably so. Like someone had sucked all the strength out of me. I realized how badly I had wanted Jungkook to be okay. To heal and be himself again. And I’d spent the last nine months, fully convinced that he was. That he was doing what he loved, bonding with his daughter building a life for himself.

But apparently, he was also spiraling back into addiction as well.

It was like we were back in that apartment, both of us miserable  but desperate to be something we clearly were not : Okay.

“Does Taehyung know?” I asked finally and Jungkook hesitated before nodding.

“He was at my court hearing three weeks ago. He’s the reason I haven’t already lost her.” Jungkook whispered.

“What did he say?”

“He thinks I should come back to Korea.” Jungkook said quietly. “ He wants me to start therapy again with him. Every week. “

I nodded.

“Fair enough. And what do you think?”

“I think I will. My probation ends in three days. I’ll… I’ll start making arrangements afterwards. I’ll probably be back in a few weeks time. ”

I stared at him, finally seeing the things I hadn’t noticed this morning. The shadows beneath his eyes, the worry lines on his brow. I wondered if he would have ever told me the truth, if not for this little confrontation between us.

Silence descended again and I bit my lips, a million thoughts running through my head. I felt the pull of his scent through it all, an instinctive urge to reach out and touch and draw him close and I wondered if this was it. That for the rest of our lives we would just be drawn to each other, reluctant and hurt but unable to stay away.

“You’re leaving tomorrow then?” He asked quietly breaking through the fog in my head.  

“Well obviously not.” I snapped. “ I’m not leaving you. I’ll tell Minho, we’ll be staying here for a few weeks. Do you actually have a possible job back home? If you don’t I can ask my agent to find one for you….”

Jungkook was staring at me like I’d grown an extra head.

“ What?” I asked roughly.

He swallowed.

“No.. I .. I don’t have a job there.”

“We’ll get you one. And my apartment is big enough so you can stay with me till we find you a place of your own. And I think it’ll actually be good for you, because there’s a Fine Art photographer, pretty well know guy who stays just a few blocks away and e can probably- “

“You haven’t really changed have you?” Jungkook cut me off in the middle of my rambling .

I flushed, looking away.

“What do you mean?”

“Back when we were married… it was just like this.. I’d fuck up and do something awful and you’d just take it all in stride, get ready to help me out of it….”

“I don’t know what you mean…” I said quickly, “ Let’s go back to the party we’ll talk later-“

He grabbed both my arms, pulling me back to face him when I tried to get past him and I yelped, staring up at him in surprise.

“What?” I demanded. “ What is it now?”

“How do you do this thing, Heejin ?” He asked roughly. “ How do you just get ready to clean up every fucking mess I make like it doesn’t hurt you? Like I don’t hurt you?”

“What are you talking about?” I tried to wriggle out of his hold but he tugged me closer.

“How do you just…” He shook his head, “ accept me so unconditionally? Like… Its like no matter what I do, you’re just willing to look past it and I don’t fucking understand Heejin… why do you put up with me, damn it?”

I stared right at him. Caught his gaze and held it, refusing to look away.

“You know why.” I whispered, licking my lips, throat dry,  “ And if you don’t…. I’m not going to tell you.”

His eyes widened , lips parting and he exhaled sharply, before letting me go and stepping away.

He looked away, shaking a little and I sighed.

“Let’s just get this night over with, yeah?” I said quietly. “ and then we’ll talk.”

He didn’t reply, merely standing aside and motioning for me to leave first.

I shook my head, moving to grip his arm instead.

“Together.” I said firmly. “ We’ll get this night over with, together.”

 Author’s Note : i love these two. i’ve never wanted two people to be together so much. 

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