#which is partly my family’s fault who would constantly harp on about how much of a perfect star child I was but uh I fell off hard

[kavehayati]

Noor realisation hours omg

Stop I just saw a TikTok on ocd and I am in no way self diagnosing but when I was younger I had so many tendencies like religious ocd. I’d always be panicking and doing these excessive repeated behaviours like prayer because I would always feel like I would do it wrong and that it’s always wrong but the most horrible part is that it would look absolutely absurd to the outsider and my parents would laugh and make fun of me while I was in the middle of panicking about me messing up each prayer. I believe the tendency has died down but it’s morphed into other things. I can never describe how horrible and debilitating it was like if I missed group prayer in fajr I would sob and sob and sob so hard prayer was always such a difficult task because of this.

And the fact that now if I miss prayer cause for eg I had uni and my dad would say meh meh meh in the past you would sob if you missed prayer is the most meanest thing to say because how dare you say that past is good I was literally being tortured and YOU were laughing at me as I was sitting there in panic you’re so mean

I think it’s better to miss prayer than to experience that again. It’s like asking would you rather be sick or healthy but late DUH YOU PICK THE HEALTHY BUT LATE OBVIOUSLY

[rennyji]

June 17th tweets

June 17th tweets...

you know what's cool? Gas spring wall mounted monitors...you can turn the monitor in any direction, raise it higher, lower, whatever...the gas spring is key...

so i bought Ugg Men's In House shoes...(do men call these slippers?! i dunno)...I went through several pairs from exchanges/returns. Why? The fuzz or fur inside is being pulled out/apart in all directions, right out of the box...Come on Amazon...aren't you guys about quality?!

So I saw "Superman & Louis" on the CW app, the other day. Lara (would like that name for a potentialDaughter, but moving on..), a.k.a. Superman's Kryptonian mom was revealed 2be married to 1 man, had a child, &then married Superman's dad, Jor-El-whom she later fell in love with.-

- this was said in passing on the show, as part of a different theme. But it makes you wonder...Are all women like this? Constantly out to seek "the best deal", regardless of stage of life? After having a son with 1 man, she falls in love with another and has another child...-

- what happens to marriage vows? Are these just empty words among America's pandemic of empty promises, hopes, and help? These words of through sickness and health, whatever, are meant to have power. These kind of things give life meaning and power...-

- Things aren't working out with your partner? Work things out. The option of divorce, I feel, makes people try  less harder. Your partner is literally supposed to be ur other half. You are one being. There are extreme cases of people being abused, but the rest is ego. -

- U marry me, ur stuck with me for eternity and beyond...think about it...u being my half is like my hand which is part of me...not going anywhere without my hand...duhhh...huhhh, womennnn...

moving on... From Run Girls, Run!, YouTube anime song “share the light” - kinda girly, but catchy jingle...

YouTube “Ultra instinct (trap remix)”

On a differentNote, U can learnSomething fromThe IndianConcept of arrangedMarriages, America.. Whereas U have theOpportunity of datingAround, findingPeople who share in ur hobbies/interest, make U feelExtraordinary, Indians,for centuries&beyond have been paired by theirParents.-

- If you talk to Indian couples, who probably have nothing in common, they say, they and their spouses have a "deep bond." They're bound by simply having the constant presence of another...someone to talk to, someone to care for them, and so forth...-

- This American thing about common hobbies/interests, making you feel special - these are biological feelings/impulses. You need to expand ur mind: "who will always be there for you?" Astrology and hobbies aren't what forms a "connection." It is the answer to that question...

Check out "Mud Wtr" on Google, as an alternative to caffeine…nothing to do with actual "mud" - that's just what its called...good stuff, but expensive...

If regular coffee doesn't do it for you, you can search and find coffees like "Kion Coffee", or, on the other extreme, "Death Wish Coffee." But remember, different stuff holds the potential of working for different people. Looking for options? Give one of them a try..good stuff..

I want to get to a point where I’m traveling and have a secretary. I want to get to a point where when I go downstairs, breakfast is ready...when I need something, it’s before me…don't want to worry about the little things...

Try the " CoreStretch " from Amazon...quick way to stretch your back and other muscles...

After shaving, there isn’t a single after shave out there that reduces post shaving sensitivity, preparing u 4 tomorrow’s shave. Ive found a cream in Indian Ayurveda, alleviating that “ahhh it burns/stings!!!” post shave feeling by piling on the cream when no 1 supposedly looks.

So I found out that Miranda Cosgrove, Nickelodeon's "Carly Shay" from iCarly, made $180,000 per episode from a legally/appropriately run show...for this illegal relaying of me, from lawsuits and salary-never-received, I'm going to say $180,000 per relaying is the base line...

so moving on...now...don't get me wrong, but i'm not into, getting into the following subject. but the majestic orchestrators of "the situation" frequently keep talking about a girl "I knew 'of' " and don't in fact know. I don't know why. -

- By "knew of", Im not even sure what she looks like. Sometimes I remember her tall or with meat on her bones or sometimes short or skinny..Im not even sure if all these were the same girl, when I saw her. Whoever she was, I remember liking the girl in the black North face Denali? jacket. Then amidst these versions of this girl, there was another look alike who rode the white Van type taxi called “Best Taxi.” Then there’s the short skinny version with the red stroller suitcase. I know facts about this individual from simple things like her last name.-

  - last names can be an indicator of where ur from, origin wise. But I don’t even know what she exactly looks like. From wishing her HappyBirthday on facebook, without a response back, I no her birthday is on june 24th. I know that&remember that b/c I did it once, & in high school, my memory was so good, Id memorize my notebooks.-

- ladies, something to know about me. i'll never forget a birthday or anniversary. -

- with all the talk about this girl, you get curious what she's up to, and through google, you can find out she went to columbia. a smart cookie. and in the random times i bumped into her, -

-i remember her telling her friends jen and valerie or whoever (i can remember even small details) that she wanted to transfer to columbia in her first or second year, but didn't. i happen to be walking by at that moment when she was talking and her mother or whoever -

- picked her up in a white infiniti. In a part time job on that campus as a telemarketer, on the computer system 4 calling students homes, her mothers name & address popped up on my neighbors call screen, so I even know random things like her mother's name &she's from  New Jersey. -

- this is what I mean, I don't know her. over the years of explaining things over and over, for one reason or another, it seems like i knew this person. Please stop with the talk. Now the orchestrators, with the sounds projected, want me to-

- think this girl, who never so much as responded to a Happy Birthday, is chasing after me, and has gone mad in a massive game to prevent women from talking to me, when its the orchestrators instructions. Never a moment to reset the mind on that subject. It just shows neither -

- the girl, her wackadoodle friends, and the orchestrators know a thing about me, and just want me to talk all day. Its not even fair to the girl, if she has the time to see this. What'll she think?! Find a new subject, orchestrators...

- and about people i bump into, people from the dorms in Binghamton...i remember it all...in binghamton dorms, they have everyone's names stickered onto the doors. i don't know that girls friends either. -

- ladies, something U should know about me...b4 we become girl friend/boy friend, or even friends, what U see in "this situation" may not be what U get, inPerson. Im different w/different people. Just b/c Im soft w/my brother doesn't mean Im going 2be soft w/some1 on the street.-

- those who cross me, in certain cases, I forgive, but I never forget. Guys, girls, I do not play games. I'm in my very early thirties and I don't have patience for a majority of the things that go on in this...

- going back 2 the girl, 1 last thing. i think the desperate orchestrators want 2give their meaningless cr*p of a program some kind of twist, by hooking me up w/some1 I don't even know how they look, for the sake of their program. After allThis, Im sure I have some1 who hates me-

- through no fault of my own...

It just isn't wise for me to put out anything really, because the orchestrators who have nothing to talk about, who don't know me, who think by seeing me everyday we're besties, then get stuff to harp on. -

-When I do hear them, not always, out of pity I'm telling them something verifiable, if you have a lie detector, u know none of what's said carries any relevance or significance. Its just noise, both literal and figurative.

- then the nonsense about my appearance...what are we 10? am i teenage girl? I'm an average guy, and a regular guy in real life. Everything that goes on is hype from constant chatter through an unresolved and ongoing crime...

moving on...

so moms...my mom never listens 2 a thing I say. Partly b/c she's in a rush to speak what's on her mind. As I continue talking, shell go so far as to walk around or decide to literally hammer away at something for some coincidental purpose.-

-My mom is not how I want my spouse 2be. She claims "there's no talking to me." over the simplest of things when its her stubbornness and clouded mind against my clarity. I'll be in the middle of making a point or saying something insightful, shell tell me she's not into it.-

- if i run into a woman like that, goodbye. maybe its her busy day inciting lack of patience. But then my day...i got her randomness, the randomness in my environment, the randomness from the orchestrators, the randomness at work...it's all very tiring...-

-that's how the orchestrators get material. through tiring randomness...

America is a very flawed country lacking heart, conscience, &insight. But they do have the nuclear family going on 4them. Mom, dad, son, daughter are seen equal, & what every1 says has value. Son can correct mom, mom doesn't take it to heart, & may even use it to better herself.

so had an argument w/mom over Listerine mouthWash. She takes like a tablespoon &dilutes the rest w/water in theCap. I gargle a capful of Listerine. Im content w/how Im doing it &ran into noProblems. She wants 2insist on her way of doing it. Stupid things. Is that a culturalClash?

so tweeted a ton today...the orchestrators got their tantalizing desires possibly fulfilled...moving on...