#when im not drawing enough its the bad times
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*slowly raises hand like im in class*
I personally think TDL is in the wrong about a LOT of things, but I would like to point out that him going to attack stickfigures after those rampages or the fight with TCO is also pure speculation. Sure, he's shown to be a lot more likely to do that than TCO, but then why is the city nearby not in ruins yet? And the thing about all sites being used by humans, the point is that none of the sites shown as Virabot targets are sites likely to have stickfigures in them. What is a stick gonna do in twitter?
And why the heck would he NOT think the CG is working for Alan? That cursor came from SOMEWHERE and the CG are the only other unexpected factor in the mix, of course he would think so, and Orange is very obviously a hollowhead, something that only Alan's creations have in common.
I don't think his hatred towards Alan was ever about Chosen, if your creator gave you an impossible task that you had no idea how badly could go for you, and then just kept playing solitaire while you are left at the mercy of someone who had every right to kill you then and there, wouldn't YOU be mad?
I don't think he was ever in the right with the things he did, exept maybe throwing that Virabot at Alan's PC considering he had no way of knowing there were stickfigures there at the time (you'd think having his old PC blown up would prevent him from trying that again, and it did, its just that TSC is an anomaly even in creation) but besides that, every bad thing he did had been done with TCO at his side, and I personally think TDL never had a chance to be good.
I have a personal theory that every hollowhead reflects Alan in some way. Now, this is pure theory, no need to read this part, but here's how I think:
Victim mirrors Alan's methodical torture. Now, Vic does it more as a means to an end rather than pure entertainment, but Alan is also shown to use stickfigures, TCO was enslaved as an ad block, TDL was created to kill TCO, and TSC was allowed to live and keep his friends as long as he helped with animating. Victim torturing TCO is more of a consequence than him being that way normally, but overall Vic is a watered down version of early Alan with a tragic backstory.
TCO has the same narrow worldview, he doesn't show any signs of remorse or hesitation until they're attacking stickfigures, and Alan doesn't even consider that maybe stickfigures have emotions until TSC talked.
TSC reflects the more positive aspects of Alan, like his love for animating and ability to create life.
TDL meanwhile, reflects a LOT of early Alan. Lack of empathy and disregard for stickfigures for example, as well as creating things with the purpose of destruction, and sadism.
The thing is, TDL was never meant to value stickfigures, and I don't think he ever had the opportunity to besides Chosen. Even if they both had a say in their targets it is very likely that Chosen had been leading at the beginning, considering in AVA3 TDL was only ever shown to follow others. The only part where he could argueably be the one leading is when the icons join the fight and that is very brief.
The only possible reason I can think of as to why that nearby city hasn't been attacked yet is that either Dark has no interest in doing so or Chosen has somehow gotten over his abysmal communication skills long enough to say maybe lets not.
And even if Chosen gets all the credit for their attack on newgrounds why would Dark interact with other sticks at that point? Alan had stick Jesus show up on his PC while he was doing laundry and the only reason why TSC didn't get deleted is a freak combination of uno reverse card powers, drawing skills and the ability to talk.
I'm rambling at this point but
TL;DR Dark is absolutely in the wrong but I see him as a what if Alan had actually tried to delete TSC, you know? The only real difference is that Alan saw a last minute reason to keep TSC around and TDL didn't. So I think he could mellow out given opportunity and time but now he's dead so :/
A message to all Dark Lord defenders
As someone who is vehemently against the idea that Dark is in any way sympathetic, I invite you to try and change my mind, I want to have a conversation with you all, because I genuinely think it's interesting that so many can look at a character who I think is a completely irredeemable asshole and see something more charitable.
So go on Dark defenders, go wild, explain all of your arguments and I will do my best to argue against them (or, maybe even agree with them if I think they make sense.
#ava#tdl is my fave hollowhead#ironically the only hollowhead that alan didnt intentionally wrong#even if he didnt care about sticks he absolutely cared about his pc so he probably just didnt consider tdl could lose#the only stick he didnt try to hurt is the one that hates him the most#but is it even hate? or a cry for attention#what is worse? hate or apathy? what hurts more coming from the one who made you#the dynamic between tdl and alan is so underrated im gnashing on it like a chew toy
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Fanart for @shadowthehedgehcg 's AMAZINg fanfic!!! This scene genuinely made me giggle so much when I read it, even though its just a doodle I knew I had to draw it XD
Link to the fic below the cut, along with some small notes abt the drawing!! Pls guys go read it, I couldn't recommend a book more <3
Notes:
I wasn't sure exactly what Daisy looked like / couldn't remember (im bad with fine details TwT) but I remember (I think) that she was black! So I just made her look pretty similar to my irl kitty!
I contemplated wether to give shadow socks or his shoes, in the end I went with his shoes bc I don't think there was anything stating that he wasn't wearing them? Again could be wrong, I have the memory of a goldfish, but still X3 (same thing with clothes, usually I draw Shadow all decked out but I decided to go closer to his canon look for this drawing!)
Also, not really notes but little things I wanted to say for funsies :3c
Since Shadow has been eeping for 50 years I don't think he would have known how to use a mixer? At least nothing at all similar to modern day mixers. Which is why this bit made me laugh so much, the first time I ever used my mixer (having previously only used handheld ones my entire life) I didn't realize I should start it slow, put it on full blast, and got flour EVERYWHERE lmao. I feel u Shadow
I have NO IDEA how both shadow and daisy have their eyes wide open after being blasted with flour, but good for them I suppose XD they got them strong corneas lmaoo
Yeah anyways enough yapping, tysm author for makin this amazing book, can't wait for part 2!!
#my art#sonic the hedgehog#artists on tumblr#sonic fanart#sth fanart#shadow the hedgehog#shadow the ultimate lifeform#shadow fanart#How light carries on endlessly AU fanart#sth au#sonic au
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the constant internal back and forth of "i should be drawing and not chilling in the living room" and "i should be in the living room when its open like this not drawing" is such a pain
#when im in my room too much its the bad times#when im not drawing enough its the bad times#its a delicate balance#"why dont you draw? in the living room?' my family is Nosey and my mom has taken it Personally that i dont show her my art#i just dont want her to make fun of me drawing unicorns and ponies or judge me for drawing bodies#if you arent weird about it you get to see it but if you are you dont its not that complicated
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Olive Branch
Wrong Move
#bad touch... 2! anyway to save everyone from a novella in the tags i will be replying to this post afterward with some directors commentary#EDIT: go look in the replies for a link to my director's commentary with bonus thumbnails#this has been sat around for like 2-3 months unfinished for reasons i will expand upon there. lol#isat spoilers#isat#isat fanart#isat siffrin#isat loop#isat isabeau#isafrin#isiloop#sifloop#sloops#sloopis#in stars and time#in stars and time fanart#lucabyteart#emplore u to not look at the anatomy too hard here because i basically took the executive decision to IGNORE THAT SHIT to get this finished#so its absolutely scuffed as is the spacial reasoning of the whole thing. theyre just laid next to each other in a bed/on a bedroll#just bc i have no fucking clue how clear any of that is. like at all#also i do promise that most of the time when im bashing the dolls together in my head it is like 90% yay what if they healed and were happy#but like. im not drawing that. lol. everyone else can go do that. im here to articulate concepts rather than make nice emotions#so . priorities. anyway sorry isabeau being tied up in this unfinished larger comic meant i didnt draw u for ages elsewhere#theres enough isafrin out there i dont need to contribute
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#stardew valley#sdv alex#i just wanted to draw him in shorts ok#then i just didnt pay attention to how people actually look when moving cause im like#oh cool hes gonna wave and say sup#and then im like hmmmm p sure thats not the proper way youd wanna run#but its a doodle and i can post it and its good enough#sorry september is just a genuinely bad month for me and so energy gets really low around this time as does mood#soooo.... im still updating daily but the energy is real bad ....
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lady amber my beloved
#mine#rote#fitz and the fool#amber i would die for u#this was going to be a fools quest beloved but unfortunately the short hair was rlly bad so shdhsdbd#au in which everything is the same but beloved kept their beautiful long locks#honestly fools quest is simultaneously the hardest and funniest rote book to read#like on the one hand everything is awful. on the other hand people hve told fitz hes cringe for being depressed like 5 times its so funny#also when fool said ash made a convincing girl and fitz said 'you would know' FITZ !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i screamed girl ur so funny#anyway . this drawing gave me so much grief i drew it last week and only this evening had time 2 colour it ooooaug#moving tomorrow good lord !!! im not convinced i can get everything in the car but my mum says we can so.....i believe her i guess#im so stresed. also i think my printer is just going to be like. raw dogging it in th car bc we dont hve a box big enough so KJBKSDJBK#anyway hve a nice evening!
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i often really do feel like an .. unwanted part of the fandom, i dont draw beautiful landscapes, i have unpopular but strong opinions im constantly annoying about and rarely change, dont like/dont draw the pretty young popular twinks and hot gurls to fanboi over nor do i turn characters into one, the opposite moreso, draw only one ship no ones heard of really, got little energy to interact with the few people that are nice to me and send me asks so it probably looks like im ignoring everyone and unfortunately but still rarely get so stressed i get overwhelmed and emotional about pehaps seemingly minor things and spiral almost into a breakdown feeling super embarrassed about it afterwards but the damage is already done and i look like a freak or agressive weirdo
#ganondoodles talks#also probably sounds like self pity#but this feeling hits everytime i see a super popular artist be the popular cool artist#i am a little weird i know that and thats not somethign bad i think#but the internet never gets to see that much of me#i tend to write posts when i am at my worst bc it has to go somewhere#so the image it tells people is that im a weirdly strong opiniod freak that gets breakdowns over nothing#i also dont feel like im otherwise -cool tm- enough to balance that out#i dont think my art is as stylized or as inventive as others nor am i cool to interact with bc idk how to be cool to interact with#i feel double bad when i misstepped with someone i used to talk to bc of something stupid ... or just dont know what i did wrong#im guessing its especially when i am in that spiraling state of mind where i really am not myself tbh#it still feels very bad bc i feel like i can never make it up to anyone again#sorry i acted like a jerk my brain was exploding in emotions in a desperate attempt to deal with something idk how to deal with-#-and made me not act like myself but now i feel really dumb about it#doesnt sound like a good excuse#... i want to thank those that do stick with me#even if i acted strange sometimes- even if i disappointed sometimes- even when i couldnt keep a promise#there are little things that still make me angry at myself#like that one time i asked in the tags whod read as long as the end of them and if someone did shoudl send me an ask so id draw a lil thing#and i got two#and i kept trying to remeber oh shit i need to do that and forgetting again/not having energy for it in a loop#i still feel like a jerk about it but now its probably too late#i wish i could answer all asks i get but man my energy for that is always rock bottom#no matter how much i enjoy the ask#and i love getting asks!!!#im sorry :((
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me when time moves forward at a steady pace: how the fuck is it more than halfway through july already. this fuckers rapidly sprinting when im not looking huh
#i have so many things i need to do#before the semester starts again this fall#i need to work on comms. i need to work on a project due the end of the month. i want to do artfight. i want to make art for myself. i want#to do art studies. i want to start an alt drawing more suggestive stuff. i mean what who said that mustve been the wind#and thats just the things related to drawing.#i need to organize my room. i need to learn [redacted]. i want to cook more. i want to socialize more. i want to play games. i want to-#watch and read and listen to so many things#yet i have a finite amount of time to do everything#and half of a day is consumed by me just snoozing#and when i do work on something i feel like im Not Efficient Enough.#i cant just chill in vcs i need to be productive and draw too. and if i dont make significant progress then I Have Failed.#i cant just watch New Season of Show. thats Time Focused on One Singular Activity. gotta do multiple things at once or ill feel bad after#because i know that once the semester starts back up then im gonna be 90% less online#back to the depths of graphic design hell making infographics and powerpoints and brand identities#not having the time to draw anything furry or for myself for several months#anywho its 5am#i should go to sleep#sorry for the ramble im just. only now realizing how little time i have#when i wake up i have to really lock in on drawing and stuff#ive wasted so much time playing a game this past week#if i hadnt played it idve made so much more progress by now and im kicking myself so bad mentally now that im like mostly done w the game#gahhh#anywho yeah sorry for the ramble ill post more soon#sho.scramblin
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feeling bad about my art lately. will probably not post for a while. but i wanted to at least dump some stuff here before i retreat into my hidey hole
#hivemind tv#hmfcu#riley savage#graydon weaver#quadeca#jane remover#eden burke#my art#2023#fanart#doodles#furry#its like. augh. longtime fleouriarts followers are familiar with my eternal tango with posting art online#doing this since i was 11 has like rotted my brain and made me rely wayyyy too much on external validation to motivate myself#and every year or so it gets bad enough that i take a break. but the break usually only lasts a month before i miss the feeling#and come back and then the cycle repeats#its probably worse now bc this is a fandom where getting seen by the creators is not really that hard#so there have been times where im like 'well idk if i wanna draw this. but if i do maybe hivemind will rt it :-)'#NO!!! THATS NOT WHAT ART IS ABOUT!!!!! i cant keep letting myself get addicted to the numbers going up man i gotta get out of here#and i was reading a quad interview from around when idmthy got released. cus hes also brain poisoned like this. but he managed to get out#and now just kinda comes online to release music and then leave#i need to be like that. i need to take a break from art posting thats so long that i come back as a changed man odysseus style#idk. its been so long since i drew stuff that no one gets to see but me. all the art i keep to myself is just out of embarrassment#i need to relearn how to draw stuff just for the love of creation and not “maybe people online will like this one”#or “this new thing came out i need to prove my love of it by drawing it”#sometimes it leads to good art but more often than not it just makes me feel worse#whatever. if any of yall are in the hivemind jane or quadeca discord i MIGHT still post stuff there. but otherwise ill keep to myself and m#friends for a while i think#woooooo this is queued to post while im in orgo lab everyone wish me luck with my thin layer chromatography
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i think the reason why im so drawn to spirit tracks and pkmn scarvi is that having the legendary/princess as a companion rather than a goal that marks the games completion makes me feel satisfied the way i would after helping a friend
my brother always teases me about how I still havent finished botw after almost 7 years bc "id rather be out picking flowers" which i wont say is untrue. and yes i know Zeldas been holding off ganon for 100 years, yes i can get some sort of idea what her relationship with link was like by recalling memories and going through her diary. ive always loved botw for its unique storytelling and setting which makes it stand out, because it lets you get to know who you're saving.
but because theyre memories, it only works if theres something for the player to investigate that already happened. its retroactive (but effective nonetheless)
on the other hand, spirit tracks does something similar but instead of having the player try to piece together memories and interpret them as a spectator, you actually have an opportunity to get to know zelda yourself by talking to her and working together. besides making it a gameplay mechanic, giving the player control over how they interact with zelda makes it so much more personable.
and I find that making the goal feel personal instead of an obligation gives me more of a reason to work towards it. I know what kind of person botw zelda was but as the player, shes still very much a stranger to me. but spirit tracks zelda? thats my friend!!!! she invited me to go to the beach after we get her body back!!! i dont want to whip her to make her move faster thats mean :(
you know how hostage negotiators are trained to introduce themselves and get to know the person theyre negotiating with because its harder to hurt someone when you know what their favorite food is? its kinda like that, because it feels like im helping a friend than being told or led to do smth
and although i havent played scarvi myself, i feel an attachment to koraidon and miraidon even just watching playthrough clips because its like!! thats my weird scaly dog!! it loves sandwiches and we're friends!!! you know!!!!!!
#i dont normally write long posts like this but i think ive been trying to put this into words for a long time and it finally happened#my cloth mother spirit tracks zelda and my wire mother lttp zelda#ACTUALLY ANOTHER THING when i was a kid i always felt guilty when i had to catch the legendary at the end of the game#because to me it was like 'i know none of this is real but if i capture you and have you under my thumb am i robbing the world of something#normal thoughts for a 10 year old to have#when i talked to my brother abt this he was like 'i mean yeah the point is to dunk on the NPCs what were you expecting' and i mean i think#i get that its supposed to feel rewarding because the legendary is THE reward. but it doesnt feel right and i dislike he feeling of pushing#others down to get ahead. i guess u can argue sun/moon does smth similar where you have nebby with lillie#but lillie still ends up handing nebby over to the player and i STILL feel bad because im like shit man you raised that little guy#and koraidon/miraidon feels less like a reward but more like overpowered motorcycle lizard that is just so oupydog. and i love him#and in spirit tracks i went out of my way doing some of the side quests bc zelda asked nicely and honestly that was enough for me#i think all of this boils down to.. i feel very protective abt things i care abt so stories that give me a reason to care hits harder#this can also go the other way bc i CRIED when i finished links awakening because i KNEW every person and im responsible for#literally the end of their world. like. there was a family with 5 kids. marin loved singing and cared about me. she was my FRIEND#i just. ugh. i have too many feelings rn. i kinda wanna draw more spirit tracks link and zelda i think that wld make me feel better#yapping#diary#loz#pokemon
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culinary crimes against humanity, hand in unloveable hand we will put raw onions in our pasta, i think they'd be best friends if not because their teams dont know what to do with their pregame meal choices
#wheezing into my hands someone matched ek's freak#and i did not except it to be LUOSTY#BUT THINKING ABOUT IT???? THAT TRACKS.#YOURE TELLING ME THERES MORE THAN 1 NORDIC WHO PUTS RAW ONIONS ON THEIR PASTA#do you know how much funnier it is that forsy as a swede is calling out raw onions as wack#as if petey didnt also go “its upsetting” when seeing ek put ranch on his chicken#a swede and a finn who put raw onions on their pasta? they should get married immediately#im sorry forsy “my favourite finn is luosty” so i will call him out on the atrocity he commits everyday because i cant stand it as a foodie#man loves food so much he went but not that one hes a weirdo freak for that#yes the only times forsy will rag on guys when hes not in carebear i love everyone mode is to tease them#but this is the line forsy draws anything else is fine but desecrating food is a step too far#this is terribly amusing to me i heard forsy say raw onion in pasta and went NOT ANOTHER ONE???#ISNT IT BAD ENOUGH EK DOES IT??? NOW LUOSTY?????#“usually not the most positive” “weirdo! weirdo!” cant make this shit up
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FINALLY I DRAW SOMETHING!!!!!!!
some Joseph, both young (around 1980 i'd say, when he was traveling w Stan a few years before the portal incident) and old (~2017, now an art teacher at Westchester High). i like to think the first one is a picture Stan took of him while they were traveling and the second one is his staff photo at WH. the more things change the more they stay the same. i might give em backgrounds and foregrounds to look like that
he's had that jacket since the 70s. real leather will last you.
no glasses alts + the first sketch below
#[holding him in my hands like a tiny baby bird]#idk if hes hiding something on his neck. he might be. those neck covers just happened. probably less embarrassing than Ford's tattoos thoug#also im not super interested in “what if Stan had a romance partner who helped him run the shack” type Stan/oc buuuuuuuut#unfortunately i am not immune to old man yaoi and have been thinking “ok BUT what if Jojo helped Stan run the shack” during this rewatch#i think theyre not super open about their relationship so Dipper & Mabel have no idea until the manotaur ep when Mabel realizes “woah......#“Grunkle Stan do you have a crush on Grunkle Jojo???”#[Joseph so called Grunkle Jojo bc “we've known each other long enough hes basically family”]#anyway Mabel tries to “fix Stan up” to help him ask him out & Jojo is fully aware its happening and says nothing bc Funny#they do tell her and Dipper at the end of the day bc since she went through all that trouble trying to set em up they should know#plus kids these days tend to be a lot nicer about gay people sometimes#also good: Jojo giving Stan A Look every time he's shitty or sexist but otherwise not caring about any other morally dubious/bad thing#like Jojo can excuse regular tax fraud/stealing/scamming people but he draws the line at almost getting Waddles eaten by a dinosaur#hes the worlds most “not my circus not my monkeys” moral compass#hes said that before. and Dipper points out that it IS his circus bc he helps run the shack#to which he responds “hah. yeah :)” bc he helps do the fraud and scams <3#fuck i have to draw that as a comic or fake screenshots or something#anyway im not planning on focusing on a Mr's Mysteries AU but i may talk about it occasionally#ANYWAY ANYWAY i wanna talk about him i love talking about him send some asks let me talk about him <3#oc: Joseph van Dyke
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the bittersweet but absolute flood of relief that comes from admitting defeat at living independently, to have to move back in with parents. we tried! we gave it our best shot for almost 3 years! but living like this (being on our own) is just not possible for us at this time of our lives. we've finally proved it to ourselves that we can't do it. it'll be okay to let ourselves rest now
#latimers parents not mine!!!! i am NOT moving back to florida LOL#really hope that the changes will be good for my mental health. this apartment is toxic to us#ive been on the verge of meltdowns Kind Of A Lot lately. imnot doing great#extremely dependent on substances. just to reach a baseline level of functioning. but even that isnt working as much anymore#the only things i do on my phone or tablet these days is like. 2 mobile games. and skirting past my dms to check latimers blog#its too overwhelming to even open discord these days yknow. everything on earth is too much for me right meow#i havent been drawing i havent been social online OR irl i havent been cooking or creating#i havent been keeping up with personal hygiene like at all im particularly ashamed about that one#i've been really bad about doing my T the past few months which is a HUGE shame because im SO fucking hyped to be on it#theres just. too many obstacles in getting it done half the time. and the other half of the time i just forget#anyway. anyway.#our lease ends in july so between now and then we're just gonna try our best to tolerate our living situation enough to get by#there's a light at the end of the tunnel. and its called 'i only have to be in charge of like 2 rooms at most. and not a household!'#we're gonna try to slowly comb through all our things between now and then so the process of moving wont suck as bad#cuz listen. its pretty fucking bad right now#maybe not for other people. but it is for me. and its okay to let myself come to terms with that#im just. so relieved. still very stressed! but theres at least light at the end of the tunnel and its only like 2 months away#ill be able to draw guilt-free again. ill be able to just EXIST guilt-free#i dont think ive felt guilt-free for just existing the way i do since like. turning 20#i know my mom wouldve loved if i stayed home forever. and im sad i cant be there for her#but ever since i had a fight with my dad at 15 or 16 it just really felt like he didnt want me there more and more#maybe as the youngest he was resenting that i was preventing him from becoming an empty nester or something. i dont know#because all the other kids had been moved out and on their own at least once but i had never left home before#i dont know if he'd be heartbroken or not to hear that i feeling like he was resenting me. but thats the energy i was picking up for years#i dunno. i dont know#anyway. back to housing. for now im going to try to relax and store energy for the moving process#the huge pile of things by the kitchen? i dont have to worry about that becoming permanent because we're leaving in 2 months#the general discord of the state of our possessions? we have to go through everything to pack it all anyway. we can move in RIGHT this time#when we moved in here we didnt have a car or license so we were dependent on latimers 3-hr-drive-away parents to help us move#just /across town/. and we had a whole month between leases! but it still had to be done in a weekend
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animatic update ive actually like dedicated a couple layers to lyric screenshots + breakdowns and plans for each one and thumbnails for some of the frames. this has made me realize quite clearly that i just do not ahve any ideas for the second bridge and chorus currently. so i might have to go rewatch the taiga movie or something so i can finish this project
#null havoc damage#i would say like 80% of it is either done or planned in some way but the last chorus is double length so its not something i can really ski#that being said i spent a lot of time today fine tuning a ton of miniscule details to make it fucking awesome. im excited to keep working#ive never planned any of my other animatics like my cotl was literally just me drawing frame by frame down the song .#but this one is important enough to me to warrant some structure#I WANT IT TO BE GOOD REALLY REALLY BAD. SO IM TRYING REALLY HARD#but also im being messy and fast so that i dont get too in my head about it. it will work in context#im literally so excited about this and im desperate to finish and share it because its SO COOL#I WANNA SHOW IT OFF ALREADY BUT I HAVE TO FINISH IT FIRSTTTTTT. FOR MAXIMUM EFFECT#ive been complaining on bluesky abt this all day so im making a tumblr post too. for posterity.#idk when exactly itll be finished but im aiming for before the end of january. considering my typical speed it will probably be next week#id say this week but its thursday and i like to keep my options open.
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despite how mych i wished for the semester to end because of how work heavy it was now that it did I realize that the daily worry of "oh my god I have to get this done or ITS OVER better pack up for another 10 hour stay at college" became essential to my days, suddenly i feel aimless 😭
what do you mean that the things I did for procastination and to ignore my responsabilities are now just normal leisure. what do you mean i do not have work I have to do after this or i die how am i expected to just goof around without the dread of getting work done looming over me /lh
#i talk!!!#its even sillier considering JUST HOW BAD I WANTED IT TO END#i cannot tell you how many times i went to campus to stay for over 7 hours and be like “ok im going to finish all this work once in for all”#for a big pile of detail and random last minute projects to pop up plus me realizing how bad my home computer is forcing me to go back#I WAS SO OVER IT LIKE IT WAS JUST A FEW DAYS AGO I WAS SO EXHAUSTED LIKE#“man no one week break from college between semesters is gonna be enough for me”#its been 2 days and inmediately i am aimless and lost waiting for the next semester to come quick its so goofy#i was really looking foward to being all free and being able to keep working on my silly personal projects and artwork#but now that i am free i am dissapointed by the fact my day is not already set to be another intense homework day#LIKE JUST 2 DAYS AGO I PULLED AN ALL NIGHTER WHEN I WAS MEANT TO BE DONE AND I WAS SO PISSED WHEN MORE STUFF CAME OUT LAST MINUTE#so yhe fact that now i feel empty without the fact i have unfinished work looming over me is so goofy#how am i expected to draw and do my own stuff when i am not having to count my pennies so i can wake up early the next day
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i am. not thriving folks
#bad art feelings to the max#like i love drawing i lvoe putting visions from my head to the page#but its never good enough and im way too self critical and have no clue how to find an equilibrium of drawing i always have to reinvent the#wheel and its exhausting because every part of it is a struggle and i cant do it#and then when i do no one fucking cares its like oh yay i love drawing and putting lots of time in for 10 reblogs 2 of which have any tags#and its my own fault for tying up validation with incentive for drawing#but it shouldn't be wrong for me to want someone to be like nice job#i just want to be able to draw and be happy with it and be proud of it and i haven't really been able to do that in a hot minute#and its crushing to have a creative outlet turn that negative
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