#when i’m alone and talking to myself though—
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bueckersstuff · 2 days ago
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REMEMBER
Click here for chapter: 1 & 2
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Chapter 3: Forgotten Faces, Remembered Pain
Paige's POV
I grew up here in Minnesota, living what seemed like a perfect life until I left for college in Connecticut three years ago. Good family, solid school, a career I was proud of, the best friends anyone could ask for. I had everything I could have dreamed of. Or at least, I thought I did. But then, a certain someone walked back into my life, and now I realized—time doesn’t heal anything. You just get used to carrying the weight of what hurts for a lot longer than you should.
It all started when I was twelve, discovering my love for basketball. My dad used to bring me to this basketball court just down the street to practice, sometimes for hours. We’d always end up at the local convenience store, grabbing snacks—he’d stock up on chips while I picked out ice cream. I still remember that day. I grabbed my usual chocolate ice cream, lined up to pay, and that’s when I heard it.
"No! What you gave me is a dollar short! I can count!" A girl’s voice, sharp with frustration, cutting through the air. I turned, half expecting some kind of mistake, but she was standing there, arguing with the cashier, insisting on the right change.
I couldn’t help it—my eyes met hers, and she shoved the receipt into my face, her little face demanding validation.
"You know math? Tell me I’m right, and she’s wrong."
I had to laugh. I looked at the cashier, then back at her. "Yeah, you’re right." Though I was laughing, I actually glanced at the receipt and she was, indeed, right.
She flashed that cocky grin of hers, so smug. "See? Told you I’m right."
That was just the beginning.
She started following me around, asking questions, poking into my life, telling me she had no friends, she was bored all the time. I didn’t even know why I let her in, but I did. So, I told her, "If you want to waste time, you can come watch me practice. You live around here, right?" She had mentioned earlier that she lives nearby.
"Yeah, that works," she replied, smirking. "I can waste time and practice my math by counting your scores. That is, if you can score."
That was her way of challenging me.
Five years. Five years we spent inseparable, like we couldn’t exist without each other. And then, the world broke apart.
One day, she came to practice with bloodshot eyes, her face red and blotchy from crying. Before I could even ask, she blurted out, her voice cracking:
"I’m leaving Minnesota. Mom says it’s for work, and we’ll be back sooner than I think."
She started sobbing uncontrollably. "I don’t want to leave. I can’t leave you here alone."
I was speechless. My world was spinning, and I didn’t know how to respond. I couldn’t wrap my mind around it.
"If that’s what the adults want, there’s nothing we can do about it, right?" I muttered, trying to ease the tension. "We can still talk on video calls, and you’ll be back before you know it."
But what about what I wanted?
"No!" she screamed. "If I leave, you’ll forget about me. You’ll find new friends!"
I could hear the panic in her voice, and it drove a sharp pain into my chest. "I won’t. I promise. It’s just us two, forever and ever."
And then she was gone.
For two years, we kept in touch, but as soon as I moved to Connecticut for college, things started to unravel. The calls grew less frequent, the arguments more intense. Silence followed, suffocating silence. No texts, no calls. Just emptiness.
I thought she was living her best life—at least, that’s what her social media told me. She seemed happy, thriving. But where did that leave me? Did "forever and ever" mean nothing? Was I just another part of her past, fading away?
I moved on, or so I told myself. I threw myself into my studies, my career. But still, there were nights when I found myself searching for her name, staring at her photos, wondering what had happened. Longing. Disappointment. Anger. Then confusion. Why was I still so obsessed? She left me all alone, even when I needed her the most. When I suffered an injury while playing my sport, I thought she’d be there for me, but I was wrong. I admit, I reached out to her, sending messages here and there—but maybe that was just my vulnerability talking. In the end, it didn’t matter. The lowest point of my life wasn’t even worth her time.
And then, there she was. Standing in front of me. But she was... different. Not in a good way. Something about her seemed so out of place. Her whole aura had changed. What happened to her?
It’s been a week since that first encounter, and I’m running errands for Drew. I roll my eyes—he’s got the audacity to ask me to get ice cream for him. As I’m perusing the different flavors, out of the corner of my eye, I see him.
Steve.
The shock is immediate, but the look on his face is worse. He’s more stunned than I am. But why is that? Am I not supposed to see him anymore?
"Paige? Long time no see! What are you doing here? I thought you were in Connecticut?"
My heart skips a beat. He keeps tabs on me?
"I’m on a break. Gonna head back tomorrow though, classes start soon. It’s good to see you again, Steve." I try to sound calm, but it’s hard when my mind is still reeling. "How’s Emma?"
His face contorts, and I see a flicker of pain—something I haven’t seen before, and it sends a sharp pang through me.
"Emma’s gone. Just three months ago."
The words crash into me like a wrecking ball. What? Emma’s dead?
I don’t know what to say. My mouth goes dry. "Oh my god. I’m so sorry. How are you holding up?"
"We’re fine now, I guess. But the last three months have been hell. Losing Emma... and then having my daughter almost..." He trails off, his voice cracking. "I’m just thankful my daughter got lucky."
My stomach drops. "What do you mean?"
"I came here with my daughter. You haven’t seen her yet?" he asks, and the words send a shiver through me.
Oh, I've seen her, but then she disappears again for the rest of the week.
"But maybe even if you did, she won’t remember you," he adds, his voice tinged with sadness.
I freeze. What?
"She’s suffering from a temporary memory loss from the accident, Paige."
She forgot me? She forgot about us?
The ice cream Steve is holding shakes slightly in his hands, and I suddenly realize I’m staring at it. "Is that for her? That’s her favorite."
"Yeah. I’m hoping it’ll help her remember, you know?" Steve’s voice breaks, and it feels like the weight of everything is pressing in on me.
I don’t know why I say it, but it spills out before I can stop myself.
"I want to help. Make her remember."
I must be crazy.
He looks at me, surprised but grateful. "You would? That means a lot to me, Paige."
He pauses for a moment, his eyes a little distant, before continuing. "I’ve been thinking about it for a while now—about sending her back to school. The doctors think getting back into a routine could help her. They said it might spark something, help her remember what she loved." He exhales, his voice wavering slightly. "I’ve been struggling with whether or not it's the right time, but... I think it might be the only way."
I barely hear him as my mind races. "She can attend to mine. Transfer her. She can join the swimming team. She still swims, right?"
Or maybe I'm just out of my fucking mind.
"Yes!" Steve’s face lights up. "That’s actually a great idea. I’ll start processing her papers next week."
She needs to remember. Because when she finally looks me in the eye and says sorry, it won’t be some empty apology. It’ll be real.
She’ll remember me. She has to.
Chapter 4 setting's gonna be at Uconn. More interactions and stuff!! <3
Taglist: @authentic-girl03 @unadulteratedcyclepaper @0phantom0 @sjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjj
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anenbylittlepotato · 3 days ago
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Tears of Love (Genshin 2)
Includes: Diluc, Wriothesley, Navia, Kokomi, Shenhe, Thoma
Warnings: none that I can think of
Part 1
Heyyy, it’s time for my annual trying to revive this and get back into writing,,, I’ll really try to get back to it this time, but no promises
How Genshin character would react if you started crying and then saying "I just love you so muuuucch..."
Diluc
The two of you are alone together in his room and he’s holding you gently telling you how much he loves you.
And then??? While he’s talking you just??? Start crying???
”S/O? What’s the matter, love, did I say something wrong? I’m so sorry-”
”I just- I love you so muuuuccchhh…”
He blinks in surprise, processing that for a moment.
”I… S/O, do you mean to tell me that you’re crying because… of how much you love me?”
When you nod, he visibly relaxes and just pulls you against him, gently cupping you cheek and wiping the tears away from your face.
”I love you too, my dearest. More than anything. And I can assure than even though I’m not as… emotional about it as you, that I certainly mean that from the depths of my soul.”
Then he hugs you tightly, burying his face into your hair
Wriothesley
The two of you are sitting and talking together of cups of tea.
You aren’t sure what it is, but something about a small little term of endearment he says just makes you really emotional
When he sees you start crying, he immediately puts his tea down and jumps up and moves closer to you.
”Hey, sweetheart, what’s wrong, baby, what happened?”
He carefully takes your tea from you and sets it down as well before pulling you into his arms.
”I just- I love you so muchhhhhh…”
He blinks in surprise for a moment before he starts laughing a bit.
”Oh, Archons, babe, you scared the hell outta me…”
He gently cups your cheeks and lifts your face to look at him
“I love you too, but you can’t just start crying outta nowhere with no warning or explanation. I thought something happened to you and I’d have to kick some ass, y’know?”
He then gives you a little kiss on the forehead before hugging you again, this time holding you until you’re done crying.
Navia
One day, you’re just hanging out, not doing much when Navia happily walks in the door.
”S/O! Are you hungry? I brought you some sweets! I made them myself!”
She pulls out two boxes of sweets and places them on the table.
“Here! You can pick whichever one you want! I’ll take whichever one is left!”
She does this a lot but for some reason the sweetness of it really hits you this time and you find yourself crying.
She gasps in distress.
”Oh no, sweetheart, what’s the matter?”
She rushes over and cups your cheeks, gently kissing your forehead.
”I just- I just love you so muuuuch…”
”Oh-!”
She was not expecting that-
She giggles a little, sitting down with you and hugging you against her.
”Aww, that’s so sweet! You are just the cutest thing! I love you too darling.”
She then takes your face in her hands again and starts peppering it with kisses.
Sangonomiya Kokomi
When Kokomi gets home from performing her duties as Divine Priestess, all she’s always exhausted and all she wants to do is curl up with you and take a nap.
And you know this.
But lately, you’ve been sick, so today when you get home she decides that she’s going to make some soup for you, despite how exhausted she is.
So she does exactly that and goes to take it to you.
”S/O, I know you’ve been sick, so I decided to make you some soup to help you feel better.”
She walks over and carefully places the bowl on the bedside table next to you.
You find yourself thinking just how sweet it is that she took the time and energy to make you this despite how exhausted you know she is.
And now you’re crying-
“Oh no, what’s the matter, dear? I didn’t do anything wrong, did I?”
”I just- I love you so muuuccchhh…”
She blinks, and then she giggles softly.
”Awwww, you’re so sweet. I love you, too, dear.”
She reaches over and gently pets your head.
Shenhe
One day the two of you are walking through Liyue Harbor when suddenly you twist your ankle. Now you’re having a hard time walking.
Shenhe notices this and promptly decides to sweep you up into her arms, bridal style.
She then proceeds to carry you the rest of the way home and carefully tends to your injured foot.
You can’t help but think about how she’s so strong, she could probably snap you in half like a twig. And yet, here she is, being ever so gentle with you
You aren’t able to stop the tears thay come flowing out.
Her gaze immediately snaps toward you.
”Are you okay? Did I make it too tight? I can loosen it-”
”No, it’s just- I love you so muuuucch…”
She’s so surprised by that that she has no idea what to say for several moments, just staring at you with wide eyes.
”Oh. I um… I love you too. I didn’t expect you to start crying about it though. Is that… normal?”
She moves closer, gently cupping your cheek
You’ll have to explain it to her lol, she doesn’t get it-
Thoma
One day, you come home from a particularly exhausting day at work, and like usual, Thoma greets you at the door with his bright and sunny smile.
”Hi, sweetheart! Are you hungry? I made your favorite today! Oh- you look pretty tired too. I can draw you a bath while you eat! How does that sound?”
After the long day you’ve had you’re just so overwhelmed by just how sweet he is that you can’t help by start crying, immediately hugging him.
”Oh, sweetheart… was it that bad today? Alright, c’mon, let’s go eat and I’ll draw you that bath and then after that I can give you a massage, okay?”
”I love you so muuuccchh…”
He chuckles a bit as he guides you to the dining area.
”I love you too, S/O.”
Then, he really does draw you a bath once you’re done eating and gives you a massage and even makes a cup of hot cocoa for you.
Really the ultimate malewife frfr
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the-universal-sun · 2 days ago
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Okay first of all I love your first post was bonding to my ask but also I was wondering could I get some head cannons on Ford being the twins caregiver( the baby twins Dipper and Mabel)
@pinkyshy10 i want to make sure I get the notification that's why I'm tacking myself
Thank you for your ask, of course you can get some hc of Ford being Dipper and Mabel’s caregiver! I loved writing this request so much! The babies! ! I did talk about Stanley helping some, but this is all Ford caregiving for the twins! The three of them are such cuties!!! I hope it lives up to your expectations! I’m so sorry it’s so late, I’ve got a back log but I’m working through them! Please stay nice and warm this week!
I’ll tag you here so you can see it too, just in case: @pinkyshy10
As always, I’m always open for helpful comments and critiques!
Sending you all the loce in the world!
-_-_ -_-_ -_-_ -_-_ -_-_ -_-_ -_-_ -_-_ -_-_ -_-_ -_-_ -_-
-Ford never expected to be a caregiver to two small children, nonetheless children that regress, but he takes it in stride. He loves his niblings and would do anything for them, so of course he’s more than willing to watch over and care for them, letting the two of them crawl into his bed when they have a nightmare or two
-He’ll ease them back to sleep with the more happy tales from his time dimension hopping, telling them how cute they looked in that baby dimension. He’ll pat their backs and brush their hair-trying to remember how it was his mother and then Stanley consoled him. They snuggle on his chest and pass out near instantaneously once he gets them settled
-He did feel overwhelmed at first, but he has Stanley to support him and calm him down. It helps that the twins don’t always regress together, though it’s more often than not
-Ford would be a less stern caregiver for the twins than Stanley would be. Surprising everyone, but this is the man who gave a 12 year old a crossbow
-He’s stricter with what they eat and when they sleep, but for everything in between Ford has more of a “all long as nobody gets seriously injured” mindset
-They need nap time and semi-nutritious food. Nap time isn’t hard, but it’s not easy. The twins, energetic on the regular, are hyperactive when they regress, if they could bounce off the walls, Ford bets they would. To get them to take a nap, he’ll try to tire them out but chasing them, but when that doesn’t always work, he’ll wrap them up tightly in a big blanket, lay them down with some pillows in the floor, turn down the lights, and either play a really boring black and white that would him to sleep or roughly hum an old lullaby he picked up from someone, scratching their heads to lull them to sleep
-He uses their nap time to get some alone time, decompress and to breathe from all the energy he had been surrounded with, Stanley looking over the twins to give him brother a break
-Food is…another issue. Ford can make a mean sandwich and pour juice and milk, he can put fruits and veggies on a tray with some cheese or dipping sauce, but he cannot cook. Not well and not palatable enough for two regressed tweens, if they want edible Mac and cheese or pancakes, it’s either they don’t get any and Ford’s at the wrong end of sad puppy dog eyes, or he’s asking Stanley to make them
-He won’t let them eat Greasy’s when he’s caring for them, he thinks it’s too unhealthy for such young children (and he had such a bad experience there he never wants to go back)
-It took some getting used to, caring for Dipper and Mabel when they regress, but he does have help in the form of Stanley, who’ll act as a babysitter if Ford needs to have his attention elsewhere for a moment or two. Ford also learned the basics of caring for children from Stan, though he has to modify it to fit in with the twins’ smaller ages
-It surprised him to find out that Little Dipper (so Ford’s nickname for him now) is more talkative than a Little Mabel. She does talk, but she’s quieter, more content to observe, unless you bring up a topic she’s super interested in. Dipper, however will go on and on about anything and everything. He is a “but why” little, which, Ford loves how inquisitive Dipper is, always wanting to know more, but at the same time, when he’s been asked “but why not?” 10 times in a row, he needs to steer the conversation to something else
-He tries to set individual little time with the twins so he can engage with them one-on-one, it’s in these cases that Stan will watch the other twin. He does arts and crafts and tea parties with Mabel, sometimes putting together Lego sets if it’s one she seems interested in. Sometimes they’ll just cuddle and watch a movie if that’s what she wants. He very much likes gossiping with her stuffed animals at the tea parties, spreading the most juicy inter-dimensional rumors.
-With Dipper, they’ll do puzzles, put together legos, and paint. Dipper loves finger painting when he’s feeling small, Ford doesn’t mind that he gets everything messy even with a smock on, his boy doesn’t look anxious or tired, his eyes bright and lacking their usual bags. If he starts asking too many questions, Ford may sometimes turn on a kid friendly documentary to keep him distracted
-Dipper and Mabel both love it when Ford reads to them, he gets so into the characters and get super dramatic, making them laugh and squeal behind their pacifiers
-They both have pacifiers, Dipper because he keeps chewing on his shirts, Mabel because she wanted to be like him, but actually really liked how soothing it is
-Dipper’s nickname is the Little Dipper and Mabel is Ford’s Meteorite. He thinks the names are cute, no matter how much Stanley may tease him about it
-No Mabel Juice when they’re little. Never again.
-Even when regressed, these two love to chase mysteries and go exploring, getting into as much mischief as possible with Ford’s eyes on them. He does allow them to go on adventures in Gravity Falls with him, but only if they’re kiddie friendly and he has to keep an eye on them at all times (Stanley’s rules). He only goes about 50 feet into the forest, which is plenty fun for them, they love running around and picking up every shiny rock and cool stick they find, sometimes wondering off too far if something catches their eye.
-Ford almost had a heart attack when he couldn’t find Dipper one day, looking everywhere, while holding Mabel in his arms, only to find him further in the trees arguing with a gnome
-The twins now have backpack leashes for when they leave the shack while regressed. It’s safer for them and makes it less liable that their Grunkle’s have a heart attack
-Ford loves his niblings, he doesn’t mind caring for them whatever their headspace may be. They’re both such caring and lovable individuals, it brings a pleasant ache in his chest to know that they care for him, trust him so much, that they allow themselves to be vulnerable like this around him. He loves his little family so much
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swiftmitsu · 10 months ago
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YOU'RE AUSTRALIAN!>??! omg how... how are the kangroos- /j /j DUDE I LOVE AUSSIE ACCENTS HUHUEAHUAEHU <<< my korean ass
MWAHAHA YEAHHHH >:DDDDD
the kangaroos are GREAT. why, i’m going to a tea party with some in a little bit ehehe 🥰
no, i have not boxed a kangaroo before guys—
but i have gone into a brawl with many spiders though 💀💥
WAAA UNFORTUNATELY I DONT HAVE A NOTICEABLE ACCENT💥💥
it only shows up occasionally sadly sob 💔💔💔
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insanechayne · 4 months ago
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#I hate who I am when I start missing human contact and feeling lonely#I start missing someone who was awful to me simply because they were reliable in talking to me every day and at least sort of my friend#I start craving the connections that you see in media even though I know those types aren’t real#it seems like everyone else has more people and better people and closer people in their lives than me#it seems like everyone has best friends and partners that are closer to them and better for them#and idk it just feels like things are missing from my life#I have a partner but I can’t always talk to them when I need to because they can’t always handle a conversation#I have a best friend but he barely ever answers my calls and things feel distant between us lately#I have other friends but they’re not the kinds that I feel I could turn to for help when I’m lonely like this#I have my parents but neither of them are very good at comfort in these situations#and I just want to cry because I feel so completely by myself and I don’t know what to do anymore#I just want someone to talk to and who will listen to me when I need help and advice and be there for me#I’m starting to really miss the wrong people again even though I know I’m better without them in my life#but at least I could send them anything and get a response fairly soon when I needed to#at least for a while they were very close to me and i think that’s what I really miss most of all#just the closeness of another person since I don’t always feel that with other relationships these days#it’s times like these I wish I’d just killed myself at 16 so I wouldn’t have to keep dealing with this over and over forever#it’s times like these I wanna fade away#if I’m going to be alone anyway then why bother keeping others around at all? why not just break off and go be a hermit somewhere else?#but I can’t do that because I have too many responsibilities that I need to take care of#idk maybe I should just kill myself and get it over with#pretty sure I wasn’t supposed to make it this long in the first place#I mean I’m being facetious cause I’m not overly suicidal and I’m not actually going to do anything#just kinda wish I could in a weird sort of way#like missing the feeling of a blade slicing my skin since I stopped cutting a long time ago#just want more out of my relationships and from myself and from my life and idk how to get any of that#personal
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floral-hex · 5 months ago
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One of my brothers is moving away to college today + I have to skip therapy, so it’s a lot of… a lot. a lot.
#he was just a baby! he was just a little kid I carried around and took care of!#no nope. not gonna get into it right now. I WILL cry. it’s not even 6am and I do not need that right now#and I don’t really know if therapy today would really help#if I got into it I’d just start crying in front of this nice dude for an hour#though yeah… might be nice to.. I dunno… just talk about it.#I am always simultaneously ‘therapy is good’ and ‘what’s the point in talking about it?’#so maybe I do need that person that’s like ‘this is your time. just fucking talk.’#but also right now it’s like… talking about it won’t take me back to when my brother was little and far off from leaving#blegh…#whatever. anyway. it’s gonna be a sad day. I’m gonna cry A LOT. I’m gonna be alone in this apartment and just sooooobbbbbbing#and then keep this inside for another week before I can go to therapy and talk about this bc god forbid I talk to a family member about it#ok now it’s 6am. I think he’s leaving in about 4 hours. it’s cool. it’ll be cool. 😎 I’ll just miss my bro so dang much#but maybe I’ll walk down to the dollar store and stock up on snacks and I’ll get blasted and fatter and try to stay positive#uggghhh#I’m too emotional#time just keeps moving for us all. to my dismay.#’time is the fire in which we burn’#you can ignore this#I don’t think I’ll ever have kids. I’ll never have kids. and being there. with him. with my brothers. that was the closest I’ll ever get.#and it’s over… so… 🤷🏻‍♂️… it’s just done… they’re grown. and I’m still here. I don’t know what else to say…#but that’s life. they’re doing their thing. I’m happy for them and I want them to be happy too. I’m just a big crybaby#IAN!… stop typing!#just making myself sad at this point#it’s fine. it’s fine. I’m fine. I’m cool. everything’s… cool 😎#this isn’t important#text
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cherrysnax · 1 year ago
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wahwahwah
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diabolicjoy · 2 years ago
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.
#warning there’s too many typos but who cares#i’m always complaining to myself in my head about how me & my best friend have grown apart#we’ve spent all out teenage years doing everything together even though we weren’t from the same school#we’d still find ways to see each other if not every day then at least every month#& since she started college & then a relationship & then work we’ve just grown apart & it was embarrassing for me really because i was alwa#ys the depressed never busy always alone type & i always ended up felt clingy when asking to hang out#feeling*#specially because she’s a social butterfly & i’m the one who has social anxiety lol but it was always reassuring to have her by my side#during these social events#then the pandemic happened & after things went back to normal.. i can actually count on my finger how many times we’ve seen each other irl#also stopped texting each other which is an important detail considering we used to talk every single day#especially because she’s like. literally the only person i feel comfortable opening up abt things i wouldn’t tell anyone#so i just feel isolated & a bit lost in life without her presence in it... but i’m just a very insecure human & always feel like the plans#& little dates & things i come up & plan for us to do is just... super boring to her (or anyone else)#so i stopped trying completely. which is sad because i miss her immensely#but last november i went to a festival with some friends but felt super stressed on the first day but tried to hide it from everyone#because i don’t wanna ruin the whole trip by being moody so i just kept to myself#ended up feeling overwhelmed & on day2 of the festival we txt each other bc she’s gonna be there#so i just spent the entire day2 with her & her partner & we all had such an amazing time... it really revitalized me lol#& everything felt so familiar even though i hadn’t seen her since her bday in may..#& idk i just missed her. i always felt like this lack of talking & seeing each other just meant that they didnt like me as a friend anymore#or that i wasn’t worth keeping around... idk i’m always expecting the worse which is so unfair to the other person#i know she loves me & that life happens#anyway all that to say that i decided to stop being a pussy & stop mopping around#crying abt how i’m alone & friendless. & like. just text them & invite invite them to see a movie or something#idk if it didn’t work our 2 years ago life happens i am trying again#i won’t find someone like them that easily again in life i think
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pastelsav · 5 days ago
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my maladaptive WET dream 🤭 if you will
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what-even-is-thiss · 5 months ago
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The reason people don’t want to work is that it’s just normal for them to be in bad work environments.
My issue with working at Walmart wasn’t the work itself I was doing. It was the circumstances around it. The concrete floor, lack of places to sit, having to put up with asshole customers, not getting time off for injuries, and bad pay.
If I had been given shock pads to stand on or a few chairs to rest on sometimes, if they paid me a livable amount of money and I was allowed to yell back at asshole customers, if they had given me any amount of training, I would happily work part time folding clothes all day and telling people where the swimsuit section is.
I’m a creative type. I’m a writer. I’m pretty smart, even. But if I could make a living folding shirts and listening to podcasts in one ear and helping people find the scented candles for 30 hours a week? I would. Leaves some mental space free for me to brainstorm. Lets me catch up on my reading with audiobooks.
But instead I was treated so badly by upper management and customers that I’m like legitimately a little frightened whenever I step into a Walmart now. And I only worked there for three months a few years ago.
I’m a good lower level worker. When I’m treated well. I like finishing tasks. I like being helpful. I like having some time to talk to coworkers and some time alone with my thoughts. I’m a frickin team player. And that’s how I was at my first job. I was treated well by my supervisor. I was trained. They were patient with me. I was so good at being low on the totem pole at that job because I was valued and felt like I was being listened to. I was able to sit still when there was nothing left to do which made it feel less bad when we were on a time crunch. I didn’t mind working hard at that job because it was fun even though I was doing all the low level stuff that the supervisors didn’t want do.
But at Walmart I was like that for all of two days. Then I figured out that nobody appreciated my work and if I worked in my normal people pleasing manner I’d kill myself because their standards were high and the rewards for meeting them were low.
So I slowed down. I started avoiding customers. I started taking a lot longer to get to my breaks and to come back from them. I became worse at my job because no matter how good I was at it there would be no reward, no appreciation, and I’d just be pushed further beyond my limits.
My only level of happiness from that job came from the people who were working with me. The old ladies and my department manager who made sure I wasn’t overextending myself. The one other young man working in the clothing department who always got sent with me to unload the heavy stuff and commiserated with me about the shoulder injuries, the hurting feet we were too young to have.
But none of that was enough to make me stay. We were constantly understaffed. I was constantly abused by customers and not able to do a thing about it. I was not paid much at all. So as soon as I had enough saved up for what I was trying to do and my last semester of college was about to start I handed in my two weeks.
I would have found a way to stay if I liked that job. If I liked that job I would’ve pushed myself to my mental limits to finish college and keep that job at the same time. Heck that job could’ve been a rest from college. A place to get away from it. But I hate that job so I got out as soon as I could.
I want to work. I want enough money to live sort of comfortably. I want to have some tasks to do to give my creativity a rest. I want to be a part of something. But the way that modern corporate run work environments are set up does not give me any of the things I actually want out of a job. And I think that’s the same for millions of people right now. A lot of people would happily spend their lives as a waitress or an Uber driver or a warehouse worker or a farmhand or any other “low skill” job you can possibly think of. But with the way the world works right now those jobs are absolutely miserable. It doesn’t have to be that way. I know because I’ve had a fulfilling part time minimum wage job that I looked forward to going to every week. A job where I was listened to and allowed to sit when I needed to. I miss that job. Especially now since I’ve realized that’s not the standard. It should be. People should look forward to going to work or at the very least not get mild ptsd whenever they set foot into a Walmart.
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alxclaremont · 3 months ago
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had to witness oscar do promo for the t*xas l*nghorns, my school lost TERRIBLY in football for the second weekend in a row, and mclaren was fucking stupid as usual. horrible terrible bad weekend to be a sports fan
#no but like actually. you guys dont understand how absolutely fucking distraught i was over landoscar going to UT#like STOP trying tk make them college football fans unless its MY college#let alone the longhorns of all godforsaken teams#and when oscar took a picture with the golden hat………. something genuinely died inside of me you guys dont even understand#genuinely had to refrain from rolling around the ground in the fetal position#anyway.#not surprised that mclaren did shit this weekend because of course they would in texas bc texas SUCKS#this is just turning into a hate post about texas honestly. real of me tbh#anyway. forgetting texas was ever a thing#hoping mexico will be better <3#i’m at the point where i dont think landos going to win the championship (bc maybe if i tell myself this enough by the time abu dhabi rolls#around i wont have to kill myself at 9:00 in the morning on a random sunday) i just want him to win races in General#because him being happy makes Me happy#and of course oscar should be right next to him#or vice versa#bc duh#idc who wins as long as Other People. don’t win#my progression of me becoming obsessed with f1 is so funny to me bc i was originally a ferrari fan#(funny considering the first race i watched was miami and THEN monaco) and now it’s just progressed into me being a steady mclaren fan#and hating everyone else on track#i WILL SAY THOUGH i have been an oscar truther since day one once i found out he and i shared the same birthday#bc how could i not be in love with him after that#anyway#this has rapidly lost the plot#im not even sure what the plot was#i am going to bed and hoping that this week goes by quickly bc i already miss f1#lacey talks
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classyrbf · 2 months ago
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IS THERE SOMEONE ELSE! — GOJO SATORU
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SYNOPSIS...you and gojo get into a fight after realizing that he’s been hiding something about your relationship the entire time
INFO...gojo x fem!reader, angsty, arguing, breaking up(?), not proofread
OTHER...likes and reblogs are appreciated
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You slam the door to the penthouse, your heels clicking against the mahogany floors with each step. You toss your purse on the couch, hearing Gojo opening the front door and shutting it quickly. “Baby, please just listen to me.” He pleads, following after you.
“I don’t wanna hear your bullshit excuse, Satoru.” You roll your eyes, plopping down on the edge of the bed to relieve your sore feet of the heels you’ve been wearing all night to your boyfriends opening event he’s been planning for months now.
“I’m not trying to make excuses. Please.” He walks over towards you and toss your heel at him. “Stop throwing shit and just talk to me!”
“You don’t get to tell me what to do!” You stand to your feet, glaring daggers at him. “Do you know how embarrassing that was for me? God, you’re a fucking asshole.” You seethe, narrowing your eyes. “I sat there all alone, while you let some woman feel up on you the entire night? Are you out your fucking mind?” You scoff.
“She’s just an old friend, y/n. I swear I didn’t mean to make you feel that way.” He shakes his head at you, grabbing onto your arms tightly.
“Oh, yeah? So I when I came up and introduced myself as your girlfriend none of your friends were looking at me like I was crazy? I know we’ve been only together for a year, Satoru, but that’s fucking low.” You pull away from him. “They didn’t even know who I was. Then you got miss prissy bitch clearly flirting with you in front of me and you didn’t do a damn thing to stop it!” You brush past him, stomping over towards the bathroom.
“Slow down, y/n! Baby—”
“I’m not your fucking ‘baby’, Satoru.” You gather all of your products from the bathroom, from your makeup and skincare to your clothes and shampoo.
“Stop for just one second.” He spins you around so you’re facing him. “Don’t leave. I swear you’re the only girl for me. I know I fucked up, I know I did. I embarrassed you, made you look stupid and I am so fucking sorry. But please do not leave.” He cups your face gently and his touch feels so inviting, but you can’t forgive him that easily. “I only want you. I only need you.”
You look up at him through your lashes, swallowing thickly as you bite the inside of your cheek. “Should’ve thought about that when you let her kiss your cheek and you smiled at her. Right in front of me. Get the fuck off of me.” You push him, rushing to grab your bag from the closet.
Gojo lets out a tired sigh, following you. He wasn’t going to let you go. Not like this. “I shouldn’t have let her near me.”
“Why was she so comfortable with being that close to you, huh?” You question, furrowing your brows as you turn to look at him. “Now that I think about it. Let me guess, you two were more than just friends.” You stand to your feet, snatching your clothes off the hangers and shoving them into your bag. He looks at you, opening his mouth to speak but nothing comes out. And from the look in his eyes, you already knew the truth. A bitter laugh leaves your lips, shaking your head in disappointment.
“It was before you! Before us! We never dated it was just a small thing between me and her!” He tried to explain. “Baby, I swear! Once I met you, everything changed. I cut her off and focused all my attention on you. You’re the only who has my heart.” He grabbed your wrist only for you to pull away.
“Clearly I ain’t the only who who’s got your dick, though.” You slam the closet door shut, turning your back towards him.
“Don’t say that, y/n. That’s the first time I’ve seen her in years!”
“Yeah? Well all your friends sure know about her. She must’ve been great in bed, Satoru. Me? Well, they looked at me like I was a fucking ghost!” You scoff. “Like I was some delusional bitch who came up to you and said I was your girlfriend!” You throw your hands up in disbelief. “You must take me for fucking joke. It must be written on my forehead or something!”
“I don’t take you for a joke! You’re my goddamn girlfriend. You live with me. You have my initial around your fucking neck! I love you and you know that!” He takes a step towards you.
“Do I know that?” You ask aloud, cocking your head to the side.
“What—of course I love you. What the fuck are you saying?” He looked at you with pure confusion.
“You’re a joke. One of your friends, Shoko, pulled me aside and told me the only reason you got with me is because your little fling ended up getting a boyfriend herself around the time we started dating. You’re a piece of shit.” You revealed the truth to him, watching him stare at you blankly, lost for words. “Think I wouldn’t find out?” You ripped off the necklace with his initial, tossing it at him.
“Yes, I was upset that she got a boyfriend but—”
“So you had feelings for her. And just to cover them up, you got with me as a distraction.” You step closer towards him. “Listen to me, Satoru, don’t ever try and contact me again, keep whatever fucking gifts you bought me and return them, sell them, do whatever because I am done,” you spoke through gritted teeth.
“No, no, no, baby. You can’t leave me. Yea I liked her before, but so fucking what? I was never in love with her, not like I am with you. I was too fucking stupid. I still am! Just give me another chance to fix this. I don’t want us to end this way.” He grabs your packed bag from your hands and tosses it on the bed.
“Let me go, Satoru.”
“No,” he shakes his head, “I can’t. You’re everything to me. She’s nothing compared to you.” He sniffles, holding your hands in his. “I love you so much and I’m so sorry I didn’t tell you the truth. I’m sorry I embarrassed you. And I’m sorry for entertaining the idea that she could even come close to you. She can’t.” His hands cupped your face, his heart pounding in anticipation as he waited to hear any words from you.
You reached up, pulling his hands away from your face. “Bye, Satoru.” You walked past him, grabbing your bag off of the bed. As much as it hurt to leave, you knew you had to respect yourself. Time and space was what you needed to think. With each step out the door, you could hear Gojo’s sobs, something you’ve never heard before in the year you’ve been with him. For the strong, flashily and confident man he is, you never once thought you’d see or him break down. Especially not for you.
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always-a-slut-4-ghouls · 11 months ago
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Me learning Norwegian: okay, a few new letters, I can figure it out alright… I think.
Me trying out a Swedish lesson while not being fluent in Norwegian yet (still working on it): oh no, new alphabet just dropped (actually English just got rid of a bunch of letters, but still! New to me!) and I keep using the Norwegian spelling
Me glancing at the Icelandic to English dictionary my grandma (who’s parents were bilingual) let me borrow: oh no. Oh man. Even MORE new letters! No wonder it’s rated so high on lists of languages that are hard for English speakers to learn 😳 (growing resentment at my great grandparents for not teaching their kids how to speak both languages)
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little-jana · 18 days ago
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"Good Girl"
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Pairing: postprison!Spencer Reid x reader
Genre: steamy, 18+, fluff, no smut
Warnings: kissing, Spencer calling reader a good girl
Words: 3.4k
Summary: Spencer giving Reader a lot of compliments and one of them makes her blush a lot.
Spencer had been different since prison. Not entirely in ways the team would notice—he still rattled off statistics, quoted obscure literature, and beat everyone at chess. But when you’d known someone as deeply as I knew Spencer, even subtle shifts felt monumental. He was sharper now, his edges honed by experiences no one should have endured. But when it was just the two of us, in those quiet, stolen moments, he softened.
That’s why I stayed by his side tonight instead of joining the team for drinks. Spencer had waved off the invitation, saying he needed a quiet night, and when I hesitated to leave him alone, he’d asked me to stay. It wasn’t much—a shared meal and a chess game in his small apartment—but to me, it felt like everything.
“I can’t tell if you’re planning your next move or plotting my demise,” Spencer said, leaning back in his chair as he watched me.
“I can do both,” I said lightly, though the truth was, I’d been staring at the board for so long because I had no idea what to do.
He smirked, tilting his head slightly. “You’re stalling.”
“I’m thinking,” I corrected.
“You’ve been ‘thinking’ for six minutes and thirty-two seconds.”
“Are you timing me?” I asked, raising an eyebrow.
“No, but I glanced at the clock when you stopped moving your hand after your last turn.”
“Of course you did,” I muttered, my eyes flicking back to the board. “Not all of us have an IQ of 187, you know.”
He leaned forward, resting his elbows on the table. The soft light from the lamp behind him highlighted the sharp planes of his face, and for a second, I forgot what we were talking about.
“You’re better than you think,” he said, his voice low.
“Better at chess, or better in general?” I quipped, trying to deflect the heat rising in my cheeks.
Spencer didn’t answer right away. Instead, he studied me, his hazel eyes unblinking and intent.
“Both,” he said simply.
My heart skipped a beat, but I forced myself to focus. This was just Spencer being Spencer—kind and honest to a fault. It didn’t mean anything. Not really.
Finally, I made a move, sliding my bishop into place. I looked up at him triumphantly. “Your turn, genius.”
Spencer’s eyes flicked to the board, and he moved his queen with a casual grace that made my stomach sink. “Checkmate,” he said softly.
“What?” I leaned forward, scanning the board. He was right. Of course he was right.
“How?” I groaned, sitting back in my chair. “I was so careful!”
“That was a good game,” he said, his tone genuine. “You lasted longer than usual.”
I rolled my eyes. “Gee, thanks.”
“No, really,” he insisted. “Your defense has improved. That last move was smart.”
“Then how did I still lose?”
His lips quirked into a smile. “Because I’ve been playing chess since I was four, and you’ve only been playing for—”
“Three months,” I finished for him.
“Exactly,” he said, his smile widening. “But you’re learning fast. Good girl.”
The words hit me like a freight train. My cheeks burned, and I ducked my head, pretending to fiddle with the edge of the table.
“Something wrong?” Spencer asked, his voice tinged with concern.
“No,” I said quickly, my voice higher than usual. “I’m fine.”
“You’re blushing,” he observed, tilting his head.
“I’m not,” I lied, even though I could feel the heat spreading down my neck.
His lips twitched, like he was fighting a smile. “You’re a terrible liar.”
“I’m not lying,” I said weakly, avoiding his gaze.
“Hmm,” he hummed, his tone teasing now.
Desperate to change the subject, I stood and grabbed the empty takeout containers from the coffee table. “I’m going to clean this up.”
Spencer followed me into the kitchen, leaning against the counter as I tossed the containers into the trash. His presence was a tangible thing, and I could feel his eyes on me as I wiped down the counter.
“Good,” he said softly.
I turned to face him, confused. “Good what?”
“Good technique,” he said, nodding toward the counter.
My cheeks flamed again. “Are you just saying that to mess with me?”
“No,” he said, his expression softening. “I mean it. You’re good at a lot of things, but you never give yourself credit.”
I swallowed hard, my heart pounding in my chest. “I think you’re overestimating me,” I said quietly.
Spencer stepped closer, his gaze never leaving mine. “No, I’m not,” he said firmly. “You’re smart, capable, and one of the kindest people I’ve ever met. You’re… amazing.”
My breath caught in my throat. The sincerity in his voice, the intensity in his eyes—it was overwhelming.
“Spencer…” I trailed off, unsure of what to say.
He reached out, his fingers brushing against mine. The touch was so gentle, so careful, it made my chest ache. “You don’t believe me, do you?”
I shook my head slightly. “It’s not that… I just don’t see myself the way you do.”
His brows furrowed, and he tilted his head slightly. “You should. Because I’m not wrong.”
The silence between us stretched, thick with unspoken words. I felt like I was standing on the edge of something, and for once, I wasn’t afraid to fall.
“You’re doing it again,” he said softly.
“Doing what?”
“Doubting yourself,” he said, his voice laced with a quiet kind of sadness.
I opened my mouth to argue, but the look on his face stopped me.
“You’re a good girl,” he said, his voice low and steady. “You just don’t know it yet.”
My cheeks burned, and I looked down, unable to meet his gaze.
“Hey,” he said gently, tilting my chin up with his finger. “Don’t hide from me.”
“I’m not hiding,” I whispered, though the words felt hollow.
“Yes, you are,” he said, his voice soft but firm. “And you don’t have to.”
Before I could overthink it, I stepped closer, closing the small distance between us. “Spencer…”
“Yes?”
I hesitated, my heart hammering in my chest. But then his eyes softened, and I knew. I knew he would catch me if I fell.
“I want to kiss you,” I said, my voice barely audible.
Spencer's lips curved into a small, surprised smile. “You do?”
I nodded, my cheeks flaming. “Is that… okay?”
His eyes softened, a mixture of surprise and something deeper—something that made my heart race. “It’s more than okay,” he said quietly.
I barely had time to process his words before his hand cupped my cheek, his fingers feather-light against my skin. He was so close now, his breath warm against my lips. For a moment, we just stood there, suspended in time.
And then he kissed me.
The world fell away.
It started soft, tentative—like he was afraid I’d disappear if he moved too quickly. His lips brushed against mine once, twice, each touch careful and reverent. It was everything I hadn’t dared to hope for: tender, consuming, perfect.
But then I leaned in, my fingers clutching at the front of his cardigan, and something shifted. The kiss deepened, and Spencer’s hand slid from my cheek to the back of my neck, pulling me closer. His other hand rested lightly on my waist, steadying me as my knees threatened to give out beneath me.
The softness gave way to something bolder, more urgent. His lips moved against mine with a fervor that left me breathless, and I couldn’t stop the small gasp that escaped me. Spencer stilled for a fraction of a second, as if startled by the sound, but then his grip tightened ever so slightly, and I was lost all over again.
He tasted like peppermint tea and something uniquely Spencer, and I never wanted it to end.
When we finally pulled apart, I was dizzy, my head spinning in the best way possible. Spencer rested his forehead against mine, his breath coming in short, uneven bursts.
“That was…” He trailed off, his voice unsteady.
“Amazing,” I finished for him, my voice barely above a whisper.
He chuckled softly, the sound warm and intimate in the quiet of his apartment. “Yeah. Amazing.”
My cheeks flushed, but this time it wasn’t from embarrassment—it was from the way he was looking at me, like I was the only thing in the world that mattered.
“I’ve wanted to do that for a long time,” he admitted, his voice low.
“Really?” I asked, my heart swelling at the thought.
He nodded, a small, shy smile playing at his lips. “But I didn’t think you felt the same way.”
“Spencer,” I said, shaking my head with a soft laugh. “How could I not? You’re… you.”
His brow furrowed slightly, like he was trying to puzzle out my words. “I’m not always good at recognizing when people care about me,” he said quietly.
“Well, I care,” I said firmly, my hand still clutching the front of his cardigan. “A lot.”
He smiled then, a real, unguarded smile that made my chest ache in the best way. “I care about you too,” he said softly.
For a moment, neither of us spoke. The air between us was thick with unspoken promises, the kind that didn’t need words to be understood.
Spencer’s hand slid from my waist to my hand, his fingers curling around mine. “You’re incredible, you know that?”
I looked away, flustered. “You’re just saying that.”
“I’m not,” he said, tugging me closer. “You’re smart, kind, and strong. And you’re a good girl.”
There it was again, the phrase that sent my heart into overdrive. My cheeks burned, and I bit my lip, trying to suppress the shy smile threatening to break free.
“You really like saying that, don’t you?” I teased, though my voice came out softer than I intended.
“Only because it’s true,” he said, his thumb brushing over my knuckles.
The sincerity in his voice, the way he was looking at me—I couldn’t take it. I hid my face in his chest, my fingers curling into the fabric of his cardigan.
“You’re impossible,” I mumbled against him, though my tone lacked any real heat.
“And you’re adorable when you’re flustered,” he replied, his voice filled with gentle amusement.
I tilted my head up to look at him, narrowing my eyes in mock indignation. “You’re lucky I like you.”
His smile widened, and he leaned down to press a soft kiss to my forehead. “I’m the lucky one.”
---
After we settled onto the couch, Spencer pulled a blanket over us, his arm draped around my shoulders as I rested my head against his chest. The quiet hum of the world outside seemed so far away, replaced by the steady rhythm of his heartbeat.
“Spencer?” I asked softly, my voice breaking the comfortable silence.
“Hmm?”
“This is real, right?” I tilted my head to look up at him, my eyes searching his face for any hint of hesitation.
He glanced down at me, his brows furrowing slightly. “Of course it’s real. Why would you think it’s not?”
“I don’t know,” I admitted, my cheeks flushing. “It just feels… too good to be true.”
Spencer’s hand came up to cradle my face, his thumb brushing lightly over my cheek. “It’s real,” he said firmly. “I’m real. And I’m not going anywhere.”
Tears pricked at the corners of my eyes, but I blinked them away, focusing instead on the warmth in his gaze. “Promise?”
“I promise,” he said softly, pressing another kiss to my forehead.
And in that moment, with his arms around me and his words echoing in my heart, I believed him.
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insanechayne · 26 days ago
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~ ~ ~
#facing things alone again just as I always seem to be lately#I just want someone to care enough about me to let me have a moment of weakness in safety and peace#it’s not like I didn’t tell partner and bestie what today’s 15 year anniversary is and why it hurts me so much#but I don’t have anyone to talk to right now while I’m suffering through this wave of emotions and bullshit#and yeah part of me is thinking logically and reminding myself that it’s really early in the morning and they’re sleeping#but bestie hasn’t talked to me since Wednesday and just leaves all my messages read and ignored#and partner had been awake until at least 5am and said they couldn’t sleep at all and I even told them I’d need to have my breakdown time#once I got back home from work because I could feel the sadness kicking in. they read that message and then by the time I got back they’d#fallen asleep. like you couldn’t stay awake another hour or two? you couldn’t have waited for me? after I told you I needed help? of course#they need rest and I want them to be able to sleep but come on that just feels like shitty pointed timing#and they half wake up when I come in the bedroom and my voice is choked with tears and they just say stuff like ‘you’re so loved’ and#‘I love you so much’ and those are nice things to hear but they don’t help right now#especially because the whole reason I’m feeling shitty is because this is the day someone who supposedly loved me walked out of my life#so saying they love me isn’t really helpful because I don’t feel loveable or anything right now and just feel like I’m going to eventually#be abandoned again#well now I’ve cried for about an hour and a half and at least the tears are drying up finally#but I still feel really depressed and shitty and I just want good distractions with these people I care most about#even though it doesn’t feel like they really care for me in all the same ways#idk I’ve only got two people in my life so it feels even more lonely when I can’t talk to them during times I actually need to#personal
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theyzilla · 1 year ago
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😀
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