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#when i was a kid i thought i wasn't Being Kid enough
vidavalor · 2 days
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How do you think the Ineffable Husbands reacted to the 1914 Christmas Armistice?
Also, it is autumn now and very cloudy and soggy, so here is a seasonally-appropriate recipe: https://www.hairybikers.com/recipes/view/caramelised-apple-cheesecake
Aw, a recipe! You're lovely. 😊 That looks amazing!
I envy you being in one firm season over there. September is a transition month here in New England. Half-summer, half-fall. It's very strange, though, not terrible. One day is lemonade and watermelon and the next is where's my blanket? and I need an apple something and looking up what day Bake Off starts to air over here. Another week, though, and it'll be pretty much fall from here on out. Definitely going to make that cheesecake. 😊
I think they probably reacted to the Christmas Armistice the same way many of us do when we learn about it-- that it's both beautiful and morbidly depressing at once. It showed people coming together to express a sense of shared humanity but then they went back to killing one another afterwards. It wasn't a new story for Crowley and Aziraphale because they had seen that in people all throughout history but I'm sure they found the same mix of hopefulness and sadness in it that a lot of people do.
The one who understands what it takes to bring about peace now best in the series is actually Gabriel, imho. It's because he understood the deeper meaning of Sandalphon's words that Sandalphon didn't actually understand himself: "you can't have a war without war."
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Some short thoughts on ties between war, frozen peas, and one of my favorite of Agnes Nutter's prophecies beneath the cut.
When Sandalphon said: "you can't have a war without war", what he meant was: "Look how clever I think I am to use this word twice in two ways in one sentence! You can't have a war without War: The Character! Mirelle Enos is playing a character that shares a name with large-scale killing and destruction and I pointed it out! I'm so smart!"
Gabriel, though, heard the potential of bigger ideas: "You can't have a war (a large-scale military conflict) without war (people willing to fight in a war and, also, a person's inner struggle leading them to be willing to fight in war)."
Meaning: A war can only happen if people are willing to fight the war.
Meaning: No soldiers, no war.
Gabriel knew Aziraphale heard it like that, too, and was like lol Aziraphale, this guy thinks he's a poet omg let me flatter him enough that he won't notice that I just tried to help you sell more erotica and didn't murder you for having a lover and then we'll get out of here...
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Gabriel saying that he "might use that one day" about what Sandalphon says is a line that-- delightfully-- ages quite differently the more we get to know Gabriel.
We know he said it in that moment to make it sound like he was telling Sandalphon that what Sandalphon had said was just so profound that Gabriel was tempted to use it himself... but we also know that Gabriel is neither as dumb nor as vapid as he strategically lets people think he is and that he understood the deeper way of looking at what Sandalphon said more than Sandalphon did.
Looking back on it, it's Gabriel actually joking about mutinying in front of Heaven's most fervent Metatron-worshipping fascist in a way that is very much going over Sandalphon's head. Gabriel is all can't have a war without war-- yeah, true dat, Stasi a Fond. I'm slowly losing it over here and my favorite fantasy is just peacing out entirely of this whole 'Commander of The Heavenly Host' shit and wouldn't that really completely eff up The Ineffable Plan? Oh, my secret daydream... if only I could...
Then, what happens, though, by the end of S1?
Gabriel sees a kid do just that.
The eleven year old spawn of Satan is all yeah, no, you can't have a war without war. I don't want to start a war. I like the world. I've got enough on my plate dealing with my own life-- I don't want to rule over everyone. I want everyone to feel at peace and be happy and take care of each other.
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Gabriel was freaked out because of the consequences of this and the fact that he, at the the time, thought The Metatron might kill him for failing to start Armageddon but, after the day was over and Gabriel had a moment to breathe and think about it, you can't tell me he didn't hear Adam saying that it was too much pressure to be in charge of every other living being in existence and he just wanted to chill with the people he liked and live his own life in peace and let everyone else do that, too and think to himself:
Yeah, kid. Me too.
The dude who is told he's responsible for everyone in Heaven and who sees angels falling as partly his fault and whom the humans deify and to whom they make statues was like fucking hell, the little antichrist brat was right.
He realized that it's not about Armageddon, it's about living and building a life until you have all the world you need. It's about what Crowley and Aziraphale have been trying to do and about what he and Beez were as well. Gabriel's proposal to Beez is a simple one:
What if, instead of Armageddon, there was no Armageddon?
What if, instead of war, there's no war?
So, he ended up fulfilling his own prophecy a bit when the one day came when he used what Sandalphon said-- just not in the way that Sandalphon meant it but in the way that Gabriel himself and Aziraphale heard it: you can't have a war without war... no war exists if enough people refuse to fight it.
That's the way to stop Armageddon.
Gabriel came to realize that the best thing he could do as a leader in Heaven and commander of its armed forces was to refuse to fight, come what may. He quits the army and defects to the embassy of the only independent country that exists in the supernatural world: the United States of Crowley and Aziraphale.
As Agnes said:
...the calm cometh when Redde and Whyte and Black and Pale approache to Peas is Our Professioune.
In this case: Redde/Red (Crowley), Whyte/White (Aziraphale), Black (Beez), Pale (Gabriel). To profess: to state. Peas = the talking of frozen peas because homophone: peace.
The calm cometh when Crowley, Aziraphale, Beez and Gabriel talk and each get closer to their own peace and to peace with one another and help each other to spread that mentality throughout all those willing in Heaven and Hell and Earth.
That's what you feed the other ducks-- your frozen peas. Your own stuff that is disturbing your own inner peace and creating inner wars and small-scale conflicts that, if left unchecked, can build into larger-scale ones.
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If you break that shit down and talk about it, there needn't be any war.
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Sometimes, it means shedding some armor, keeping an open mind, and admitting that you were wrong-- all things that can be difficult...
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...especially for those are secretly tender-hearted but put up that armor to survive in worlds steeped in toxic masculinity...
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...and, sometimes, it's maddening because people are scared and get set in their ways and do dumb shit and you have to upend power structures and reinforce more positive behaviors to get them to shut up long enough to start listening to one another...
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...but the more who learn to unlearn the harmful stuff at the core of their own struggles and who open their minds up to listening to others, the more we're professing our peas to our fellow ducks and getting closer to peace within ourselves and within the world as a whole and that's what it's all about. It might always be approaching Peas is Our Professioune rather than a perfectly peaceful world but the point is the effort of the approach and to just keep making steady progress as much as we can while we're walking the Earth. After all...
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zee-the-zebra · 3 days
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Being "Gifted" and the Standards for Oneself: A Personal Analysis of Veritas Ratio
So this really isn’t a traditional analysis of a character. This is more just my extended thoughts on the character through a personal lens and through my personal experiences.
So I love Dr. Ratio. Not just because his design is wonderful, and I think he's funny. But I also relate to him on a deeply personal level. Which may seem strange at first, but when it comes to the subtext of his character it makes sense to me.
To start, everything about him screams former gifted kid. Which usually translates to "Neurodivergent child who wasn't diagnosed until years later". And like most former gifted kids, he was probably told he was going to great things. In his case, he was probably told he would be recognized by Nous and welcomed into the Genius Society. He had already proven himself to be a brilliant individual, so he believed it would only be a matter of time before he was invited.
But he never was.
Look at every single "genius". They are all selfishly motivated in some form or fashion. That's why he is never considered a genius. That is why he never gain the gaze of the Erudition. Because he wasn't willing to be selfish for the pursuit of knowledge.
And the thing is, he really doesn't need to be a genius. He's already completing his goals of trying to eliminate ignorance from the universe as is. He's already a brilliant man. He's already done so many amazing things already. Even with his somewhat pompous attitude, he genuinely desires to help everyone around him. He's a genuinely selfless person.
But it's not enough. It's not enough because he's selfless. To him, it's never enough. Because he doesn't, or rather can't follow the same path as the geniuses, he feels he isn't enough. That even with all his achievements and work, he's not enough. Because he isn't what he's supposed to be, what people expected him to be, he isn't enough.
That is what really resonates with me. It's that belief that you have to be "normal" or something else to be worth something. It's that belief in a standard set by a different version of you that makes you believe you're not enough. That you've only gotten worse as time goes on. That despite your best efforts you're never going to improve. That the only way to go is down. That because those standards aren't met, you're worthless.
And that's what makes him resonate so much with me as a character. Because I've been there. I had that spiral. I've felt like that I've only gotten stupider as the years go on because I couldn't reach those standards set by being "gifted". When in reality I simply just couldn't deal with my ADHD or Depression without help anymore. I wasn't getting worse, I just needed some help.
And it seems Veritas is already heading in that direction as well. He constantly speaks of following his own path, but perhaps he thinks it doesn't apply to him because of those standards. Perhaps he still believes he isn't enough.
After all, it takes a lot of time to unlearn that.
If you got this far thanks for reading. <3
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soshadysoquiet · 3 days
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The Subway book, The Hug, and what I thought would happen as I watched S4
I wanted to know the story of the subway cipher-book, one of the bits I'd have loved to see in S4 was them solving or working to solve the subway.
I thought when they found the cipher / Five brought it to Strawberry Land that it would play an even bigger part than just a deus ex machina
Here's a few different things I thought was going to happen once E5/E6 hit us:
*Going to insert my unpopular opinion here that I don't feel it was majorly off-brand for Five to have left when he did at Diego & Lila's house or all the other Five's to be in the diner:
He's resorted to escaping awkward and emotional situations in the past at the drop of a hat because he thinks he can solve the situation / just doesn't want to be there anymore. (he implies in S1 that he was going to use a briefcase to 'start over' ergo abandoning 'these' siblings potentially for a different set?)
He's always looking for ways to buy himself time, in the subway he theoretically has endless time to sort shit out. (He's typically made bad, seat-of-the-pants decisions about this too when backed into a corner - The Handler, typically)
*Granted, I only watched S4 the once and can't remember if there's more to it. Happy to be disagreed with if I've forgotten something!
*Second unpopular opinion is that I don't really care about the cheating after the length of time it had been as much as how it didn't feel like that length of time / build up of the relationship looked Very much like they were both into 'not-sane-consent' ish territory / the relationship being in-character itself wasn't conveyed well enough personally.
**Edit - as I'm having another resurgence of rage over S4 atm I was watching a review vid on it and had completely forgotten that Five blipped out on his whole fam in the middle of the life and death Ben Blob match. I rescind my above opinion on how this is in character.
So, without more rambling:
First Thought:
Five x Lila happens as it did but when they get back and Five sees Lila with Diego and her family he realises that what they had was a distraction / a crutch etc and he leaves. He goes to the subway (Lila has the cipher). He realises that in order for them to ever get back home, which he ultimately wants because he cares for his family and what he had with Lila, that someone needs to make the cipher. So he stays and makes it. He stays in Strawberry Land for the rest of his life and dies there alone, creating the way that his family can be safe.
Lila realises he's missing and before the whole thing comes out to Diego (or after, whichever you prefer) she goes to find him in the subway, she sees he's gone, looks in the cipher for an answer as to where he could be / to go find him (she might be choosing to stay with her family and Diego over him, but they shared precious trauma time in the trenches down there) In the back of the book there's a note, for her, that she would only understand now (something like 'family has always been our start and end point dear one, don't lose yours now that you've found what I once took away from you' - or something sappy / romantic and eloquent, let's not kid ourselves that Five would be an absolute sap about it)
Lila breaks down crying. At which point because the Timeline is so very fucked right now Five from a few days ago (for him) years ago (for her) appears on one of his first forays into the subway when his powers first start to fuck up. He sees her crying like the world is ending and comforts her (like we see him do with the hug).
Five, for his part, just accepts and believes her that she's been time travelling and has solved things because they have an intellectual respect for each other, and maybe she realises that she still has that?
Either way they go back and the ending could be whatever you prefer at that point, Diego and her making up, not, him finding out, not, them all dying together, not.
Now, the idea of this being how OG Five's life ended (alone, again, at the end of the world, but with having dedicated himself to his family, after losing everything) is completely tragic, it's an awful ending, I'd have been sick with grief. But I'd have felt a hell of a lot more about it than I did the ending, by which point I just wanted the show to end so I could stop watching it.
Second Thought:
The Diner Five's worked together to come up with the solution to save the world / that it can't be saved (enter preference of choice I'm ambivalent) but with more meaning than just 'you turned up and we told you'. I want Five to rail at the news, I want him to break down, I want there to be one last fight before the acceptance if the end is what is coming.
Third Thought:
Diner Fives direct Five to Off The Rails Oldest Man Five who wrote the cipher, and they have the same sort of thing as the above with the saving / not saving of the world.
Later Fourth Thought:
Very similar to 1, except that Lila on looking at the cipher realises it changes handwriting half way through to hers. The sappy message is from Old Five that he tried to finish it so that she could save their family, it was both of their goals after all, but he was so sorry that he couldn't, and has to put it on her. She breaks down, realises what she has to do, she stays in the subway and finishes the work, sacrificing herself to her family's survival as he did, but she leaves a big note in the front to the Five that's going to find this (some Lila-esque insult that the pair of them need to use this cipher to get home now don't stop don't pass go etc, and she leaves it where she knows they'll find it the first time when they go to the cottage, maybe leaves their younger selves some advice). Then it's a bit like 'The day that wasn't' in that we see younger Five and Lila retrieve This book, maybe wonder at the odd messages in it that are in turns insulting and heartfelt, and they make it home after long years but back to their family. They could either hug because of the relief that they have a way home, or because both Old Five and Old Lila realised and wrote that the world can't be saved, or because Lila sees that she left / cheated on her family and realises what she had to lose and Five realises what he nearly let himself lose too / how he's been pushing his family away and insulting them and that was never what he spent his life searching for.
Not saying any of these would have been better, but I kind of like them as options :)
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cubbihue · 27 days
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Anytime I see Changeling Tim, "One Normal Night" from The Addams Family musical starts playing in my head
(btw love your ittie bitties AU!!! Your worldbuilding is awesome :D)
OOHH!! I've never heard of The Addams Family having a musical!!
I went to listen to it and.. yeah. Timmy would love one normal night. Or many normal nights.
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vynnyal · 1 month
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This is a pretty good point in the wip to share this, methinks :]
Map part for the hole dwelling map, starring... Not my ocs! I wanted to use ocs, but I don't have any-- so I just used the characters from a fic I was reading at the time 😂
Turns out, the symbolism was so much fun to twist into the 11 seconds I had to work with, I ended up going way more complex than I meant to. If you wanna read the fic this was based on, please do!! And tell the author I said hi! :D
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megumi-fm · 4 months
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#okay random story time i don't know why im narrating this or how i even stumbled upon this memory rn#but i generally do sad vents in the tags and for a change this is a funny one#so back in highschool (i say highschool but i mean junior college) i used to visit this park near my house a lot#i was an sg kid back then and the thing about parks there is that they're kinda beach-parks and they have the best cycling/running tracks#they're also really massive parks so i used to go often. sometimes bicycling. other times walking. yeah. the park was like my sanctuary#anyway. there are quite a few bike rental areas in the park and there was a cute lil shop next to this one particular rental place#and they sold like biscuits and water and icecreams and stuff and i went there a lot#and on one particular day i went there and there was this guy around my age part timing at that shop#now again this might be culture specific bc i dont see it in india but part timing in uni/pre-uni is pretty common is sg#a lot of shops and restaurants employ teenagers to twenty something ppl for part time jobs... anyway im just adding context#point is that i had walked to the park with my mum that day and she told me to go buy a couple icecreams so i went to the shop#and i saw this guy around my age and like. not to be a simp but this dude was so pretty?#like he saw someone had come to the counter so he looked up and shot a smile and i thought i got slapped by sunlight#i could spend the next several lines going on about his pretty tan skin and his glowing raven eyes but this is pathetic enough so ill stop#anyway he saw me and smiled really wide (customer service smile- i thought to myself) and i smiled back and asked for icecreams or whatever#and then this guy started getting chatty right. so he was all 'you come here (to the park) often right? ive seen you with your bike a lot'#see now. the problem with me is that i always think im bothering people. this poor dude was attempting to make conversation#and i was replying with one word answers#and i wasn't even realizing that he didnt want that. bc he kept asking more questions and i. kept. shutting them down.#then when he gave me the icecream he was all 'are you here alone? icecream alone is no fun... i could keep you company if you want..?'#which. he was being really cute about right. but because im so fucking dense i was all 'oh no i came with my mom actually'#and he went 'aw man' in this really cute but faux sad way which i didnt understand at the time and i left and then#after three full fucking days. i realized this man was tryna hit on me?#and then i went to the park like a week later and he was gone. poof. i even thought of asking the uncle in charge of that place#then i got too embarrassed and chickened out#yeah so turns out my neurodivergence neutralizes any sort of rizz that comes my way#i could've been chilling with a cute boyf rn but no😩 this is my destiny#megumi in the tags
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jakeperalta · 1 year
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spent weeks psyching myself up to stand up to my mum and then immediately got shot down by her 😃👍
#vent incoming i apologise in advance for the long tags#we've lived together just the two of us since dec 2021 (although her boyfriend is here like 2/3 of the time as well)#and since i got my job in march 2022 i have been paying half of all the bills (literally down to like tv license when i barely watch the tv)#which is £300 a month#plus i buy all my own food + pay for the amazon prime she uses + contribute to various household things like toilet roll etc#and she doesn't have a mortgage so i am paying the same amount as her to live in her house#(and it is very much her house not our house)#and I've never been very happy with any of that but never complained either#but then recently it turned out she never set up the water bill when we moved in (it's one of the only bills i didn't sort for us)#so we have a huge backdated bill from dec 2021 and i knew she was going to tell me to pay half#so for the past month or so I've been preparing myself for this conversation and sure enough today she came and said 'we owe £700'#so i was like 'oh i thought maybe it would've been covered by my £300/month' which is the biggest stand I've been able to work myself up to#and she immediately started going on about how i live here too and use water too so it's just as much my responsibility to pay#and how when we're both earning i should be paying my share and i was like yeah i know that's why i never complained about paying before#but also i already pay more than most people would to live with their parents#and she went off about how actually most people charge their grown up kids rent on top of the bills so really i'm lucky i don't have to#(when she got the original £300 figure it was actually rounded up from like £240 to include 'rent' but i wasn't gonna bring that up now)#and in conclusion she doesn't see why she should be subsidising my bills#like i don't know maybe because you're my MOTHER and i am your CHILD who is just starting out in the adult world#and maybe that entitles me to being treated better than some lodger???!!!!!#anyway i paid the bill and now i'm trying and failing at not crying at my desk 😃#talking
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runawaymarbles · 2 years
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the eternal struggle between “don’t say something about someone’s family member that might come back to bite you if they reconcile or might make your friend look bad in divorce court” and “agreeing with a teenage friend that she’s 100% right, her father is an emotionally immature piece of shit who makes me want to commit violence, and is in fact the only person I’ve ever met who I feel genuine hatred for and i hope she spits in his drink while she has covid”
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mydr3aminvi0let · 4 months
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i wear a lot of skirts and pink and whatnot as my style has developed with me & my personality but when one of those age regression girlies latch onto me....i do not like that
#like oh....you think im one of them...bestie no im freshly 23 and im happy i made it this far i dont wanna go back#sometimes i hate being 5'2 with a small frame you have to be very careful and kinda vet everyone you interact with#idk there's a complex discussion to be had. i am someone who has went through what they fetishize and i know a lot of girls in that#community have too. so i worry a lot if if my behaviors and preferences accidentally align with that community in ways i don't realize#bc trauma will always reveal itself. idfk. when i was 20 i got in a relationship with a man who was 30 because i misheard him and thought#he was 24. i thought he was okay until we were at this giftshop and he wanted to get me something but as giftshops are super expensive#i mentioned i could fit in childrens clothes and it saves me a lot of money ($60 shoes are $30 for kids) and tbh fit my frame better#so he was “prove it” so i did and mf said “THATS HOT” ??????????? BITCH#my style wasn't even feminine in the slightest at the time 😑 it feels like a curse to have this kind of trauma then never outgrow this body#believe me ik how trauma changes your brain but how#as a woman#can you ever be apart of that community? why do you allow this to continue and not persecute these men for existing?#you're inherently enabling it and saying its okay this happened to you and its okay that other adults can hurt other kids#when my rapist got put in prison i screamed i yelled i sang i danced my friends set off FIREWORKS for me#when he got out i cried more than i ever have. i moved STATES (not the sole rzn but nonetheless) not that i was in the one he was in prison#in anyways but i was so fucking petrified he'd find me again. its embarrassing but i started sleeping with a chastity belt again.#i made more phone calls i ever have in my life to people who have and will get their hands dirty#i understand the self hatred those girls have. i understand the girls who sleep with everyone to take some of their power back.#i even understand the girls who want to get raped if they got assaulted but it never felt like enough for the pain they're experiencing#but please stay the fuck away from me. as someone who has tried to heal and wants every man like that erased from earth.#do not give them an ounce of attention. ostracize them like they're meant to be. leave it to god for their karma they will be dealt with#reckon with your pain and make sure it never happens to anyone else. only the harmed can make the greatest teachers#tbh bro i am disgusted with myself at all that those are the kinda vibes i put out.#what are you supposed to do as a woman when feminity is equalized with infantilism? i think its tone deaf and misguided whem girls are like#i dress this way to contradict societies views!!! babes its a whole cultural issue that requires reviewing and reforming#you are not doing anything revolutionary by wearing frilly skirts and saying im not like them bc they see you and ur automatically boxed in#i dress how i want and say what i want but i know as a individual im not the beacon of a groundbreaking movement#singularily flipping society on its head. dress how you want but be aware of the connotations. you're living in this society here and now#there's consequences that may not be in your favor and youll be assumed to have values that dont align with you and it may break your heart
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indigodawns · 2 years
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#whew you know when you've been Going for a while and then you get a break and you're still tired but you're also so so jittery#S WHERE IM AT OHHH MY GOD#luxury problem and it's totally fine but i am crawling up the walls my friends#also update time ig!! took my family to the autism group meeting thing on tuesday bc it was a meeting esp for that#and they kept throwing me glances throughout the info part like lol it's you JDFHJDFH it was v interesting#bc throughout it all it's like... here i have info about autism and here i have my 25 years lived experience without thinking i had autism#and since i wasn't diagnosed as a kid i wasn't as ~obvious about it and i find it hard to reconcile examples with myself if they#don't fit 100% (it's . the autism) so anyways it was v helpful!!!#and my mum was like ah yeah i always had moments where i thought so?? but then it didn't fit the cold white boy stereotype bc i#am empathetic and i have humour etc so she never mentioned it to me bc it's a big thing etc and tbf i wasn't ~ready pre-this year#but now it's like... ah yes i was always upset on holidays and they never got why (the change in Everything)... i was picky with food#and with new shoes and i HATED shopping and it overwhelmed me so much (still does)#i would ask my mum what tf i was feeling and why i was crying and i would analyse social interactions#and i'd have obsessions with media and horses etc. was big know-it-all. was so slow with some subjects at school#like yknow when you had to copy letters 80 times? that'd take me ages and i'd get a fail bc i was being so precise#anyways. enough signs methinks dfjhdjh so now im just trying to see where stimming & eyecontact come in?#i never noticed a problem with eyecontact but im trying to let myself not do it and it's kinda nice?? but idk#and stimming idk i used to suck my thumb for a long time but?? i wanna try things but whew internalised ableism etc#so see then im like so ARE YOU ACTUALLY-- but anyways it seems i am#and my mum made me realise that'd. explain why i suddenly developed depression around age 11 and never got out of it again#so lots of Thinking!!! and wanting to shelve things like ok great figured it out NOW WHAT but noooo#also stupid to do this on tumblr and not rly talk about it with irl friends but what do you say like#hello im autistic? yeah it surprised me too. no i can't really explain how it works for me. no that's not how the spectrum works#so here we are yes#<3
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theood · 2 years
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while im in an oversharing mood last time my baby cousin was over I heard a phrase yelled at her from upstairs and I haven't had that level of a panic attack start to set in as quick as it did since I was in school!
People who know know. My breathing was fucked and I dipped in my parents room and no amount of telling myself to get a fucking hold of us was working B)
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icedteaandoldlace · 2 years
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Friends, ya girl is anemic. I got my blood tested yesterday and just got the results in today. Now I'm looking back over all the symptoms I had before, and everything is making so much sense. I just never realized that they were connected because I was chalking it up to hormones and ADHD related issues (and I did think I has anemia a few years ago, but that time I went to the doctor and tested negative). Anemia being behind it all never even occurred to me.
So anyways, I'm on iron now. And hopefully this will help me kick my ice eating habit, because it's been unreasonably difficult to quit.
#I used to eat ice all the time as a kid but I quit when I got braces because I didn't want to break them#I didn't start up again till I got my first job#because we weren't allowed to keep drinks on the counter#we just had to get as much water or tea as we were gonna drink in the moment and then put the cup in the sink when we were done#and then repeat with a new cup the next time we wanted a drink#I didn't wanna do that because we had enough of a shortage on dine-in cups as it was#(plus all the ones I sent back because they hadn't been washed properly)#and we couldn't use the to-go cups unless you wanted to pay the price of a to-go drink#so I would just eat ice throughout the day so I'd get my water intake without wasting cups#YES it's insane there's several reasons I don't work there anymore#but anyway it got me craving ice even when I wasn't at work#which was part of the reason I thought I was anemic that time but I wasn't#so when I continued the habit after moving jobs I didn't think too much of it#honestly the dizzy spells should have tipped me off#and the increased need for coffee in the mornings in order to not be a sleepy fatigued mess#and the legs falling asleep more frequently#but I thought if anything that would be a blood PRESSURE issue and every time I get that tested it's normal#so yeah I've just been out here being anemic and not knowing it#despite being aware of all these issues individually and wishing I knew what to do about it#well now I know#this is like discovering I had astigmatism all over again#once you've gotten used to seeing grass as a big green blur it is DELIGHTFUL getting to see all the many individual blades again
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neganium · 3 months
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For anyone voting in that highschool extracurriculars whosiewhatsits: I was actually homeschooled from 6th grade on :)
#I was curious to see if anyone would try to peg me with anything to begin with#I am pretty open about the fact that I was homeschooled after elementary on here#so I figured that anyone saying I did any of these would be unlikely#also. even if I HAD gone to high school I likely would not have done any of these; p sure it takes money to do extra shit like this#also they would be so much WORK and I'd had enough of extra work from the lil gifted kids BS I was made to do for a lil while#in 4th and part of 5th grade. few things I regret more than that; aside from being convinced to ''try'' for the first part of 5th#after I had already had a meltdown bc I had decided to quit but my mom didn't tell them anything bc she didn't know she was supposed to#and they tried telling me to go on that first day. ugh. I cannot believe they still made me do that shit for another whole semester#I fucking HATED that shit. maybe I wouldn't have started to have bad habits w homework so soon if it wasn't for ''more work and harder''#according to the first teacher I had for it (the one in 5th was new but she was still a bitch; just a different flavor. I hate them all.)#saddest part is I was excited at first when my mom said I was gonna be doing that. I don't think that she wanted me to keep going#when I desperately wanted to quit after one year; so much as she didn't really know How to let me quit and thought that just not going#was good enough or smth. I think they had to have confirmed it with her. I should've said no to that extra semester. I should have said no#to doing it at all. that shit was damaging to me. then again the latter two years of elementary were damaging anyways...#well THAT turned into something else entirely didn't it! haha. I was a very poor student after 3rd grade. anyways.
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cheswirls · 5 months
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oh the hotel arc is starting it is here
#i had a thought bc of the chapter title#the the opening made me remember that these arcs have wrapped up rather nicely#so we can't end fol on this note#but surprise surprise it is the most open-ended of the bunch#didn't expect to start hotel arc halfway thru the chapter but hey hey hey :)#it makes sense given how fol arc jus ended#this makes me wanna... touch up what happened end of hospice arc#r those 2 jus gonna sit tight or are they headed somewhere#I forgot abt the girls too tho i think now that their mission is done they were gonna lay low#bard on the other hand idk given more... happened tho I'm not sure if those 2 are aware#don't think they were around for the reaper stuff#anyway finny n kids incoming!!! at the very least to the opium den to meet the rest of the gang#their half of the chapter was so funny bc i forgot they were being shot at#then the adults were all like 'yea it was made to be inescapable' n i had to laugh bc..... finny is with them so actually no#super touching that...what's his name i forgor. the one finny saved#that he came around at the end when they surfaced and threw his arms around finny. sweet of him#he didn't even have dialogue this chapter but the emotion was Felt#this actually flew by bc of how little dialogue there was but at least it wasn't 10 pages#ig that was also the anime premiere so yana must've been heckin busy#i forget sometimes how busy not just a mangaka but an artist yana is when I start counting pages#so many responsibilities... how does one person do it all#next time I will get a read tag i prommy. until then hope this is vague enough for ani-onlies#< OOPSIE I do have a tag!!! added#c reads bb
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thinkinonsense · 1 month
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FANTASIZE❦
old!logan howlett x fem!reader
*mdni
cw: cursing, nsfw, age gap (reader is twenty-five)
wc: 1k+
a/n: i have no idea where this came from. i was supposed to be working on something completely different but apparently, this needed to be written first instead. yes it is inspired by the unreleased ariana grande song.
⊱ ─── ⋅ʚ♡ɞ⋅ ─── ⊰
Logan couldn't read minds. He never longed for the ability or power; he was better off not knowing what others had going on in their heads. He only wanted to peek into someone's mind when he caught your twinkling eyes lingering in his direction. Luckily, he could still read your mind even without the mutation because your fantasies were written all over your face.
It was obvious to anyone caught in the same room as you and Logan, that there was tension. You burned holes all over his body with your intense gaze. If Logan was in the mood to entertain your little crush, he could compliment you in a way that was sure to make you blush.
"Good form today, kid."
"Lookin' pretty today, sweetheart."
"Lemme fix that lipstick, dollface." That one left you with an ache in between your thighs as his thumb brushed your lower lip. "Can't have you walkin' around here a mess, now can we?"
Logan wasn't sure if he would ever make it to heaven but seeing your lip tremble with need was close enough for him.
If he saw you in a dress with a pair of mary-jane's, he would try to catch a glimpse of your underwear in the reflection of your shoes. It didn't always work but it made him feel young again.
No one was brave enough to address it due to him being twice your age. Despite being twenty-five years old and already having graduated from the school, it was still considered taboo to some. If anyone asked Logan about it, he would brush it off as a schoolgirl crush that you would eventually grow out of.
It was truly harmless he thought. You got the attention you craved and Logan got to see a pretty young woman squirm in her seat because of him. It never went further than flirtatious comments and lingering stares.
Today might be the worst day of your life. You and Logan were being sent out together on a mission to find a mutant that lived two hours away. It wasn't the mission that worried you; it was being stuck in a tiny car with only Logan for one hundred and twenty minutes.
"Why aren't 'cha talkin', dollface?" Logan asked, almost teasingly.
For almost twenty minutes, he was aware of your eyes watching his hand hold the wheel. Logan was also incredibly aware of the effect it had on you. A little broken sigh escapes you when his hand clenches tighter around the leather, making his veins pop even more.
"Too busy fantasizing 'bout me?"
No matter how much you tried to find someone your age to be with, your heart always went back to Logan. He treated you differently than anyone you've ever met. Sure, sometimes he made you feel like a kid but he also knew you could handle your own. Logan wouldn't let anyone underestimate you; that kept you crawling back to him.
"Maybe I am." You shrug, fed up with his games.
"Oh, yeah?" He says, taking a deep inhale of your sent. "What's goin' on in that pretty head of yours, hm?"
You were used to Logan's overly confident personality that he tried to use to intimidate you; and make you stumble over your words. It wasn't gonna work this time. Logan wanted you just as much as you wanted him, but you needed him to admit it first.
"Us in the backseat of the car." You admit, biting the inside of your cheek nervous for his response.
"Really? And what are we doing back there?" He asked, cocking his head curiously as his eyes remained glued to the road.
"You're on top of me, makin' me feel good." Your words were coy but that was the point. Logan liked being the tease; having all the power.
"Keep talkin', dollface."
There it was. You had him right where you wanted him.
You pretended to think about it for a moment before shaking your head and telling him, "No, I shouldn't"
"Why not?"
"Because an old man like yourself can't keep up with me, right? At least that's what I heard you tell the Professor."
Logan couldn't believe you had heard their conversation earlier this week. The Professor was the only person who knew the truth of how Logan felt towards you. When Charles asked him what was stopping him from pursuing you, all Logan had to say was, "I'm too old for her; can't keep up with such a young thing like her".
Which was far from the truth.
"So obsessed with me that you're listenin' to my conversations now?" He growled, pulling the car over.
"Stop acting like you aren't obsessed with me too." You smile at him. "I know a few pairs of my underwear 'mysteriously' disappear from my hamper. I know that you can hear me through the walls late at night, panting your name."
With each sentence, you inch closer to him. Logan could only compare you to the snake in Eve's garden; encouraging him to give into his temptations.
"I also know that you want me." Your eyes were dark with desire, making his pants tighter. "So, if you can't get it up or claim that you don't want me then that's fine with-"
Logan fumed with irritation and lust. Not thinking twice before slamming your lips into yours. He tasted exactly like you imagine; tobacco and mint. You were addicted; no one could ever compare to him.
In a rush, his rough hands pulled you into his inviting lap before one cupped your jaw and his other made its way up your skirt, toying with your lacy underwear. He wasn't going to give it to you that easily.
"L-Logan, please," You moan against his mouth, trying to create some friction on his lap. "Need it."
God, he's waited a long time to hear that; to see you so desperate in his arms. When he pulled back to look at you, Logan couldn't be more pleased with the image in front of him. Your eyes shut tightly, face scrunched, trying to concentrate, and lips pouty with annoyance. Logan removes his hand under your skirt; causing the prettiest whine to escape you. He thought you might be what finally kills him.
"We aren't done, sweetheart." He groaned in your ear. "Get in the backseat because you are gonna tell me every single one of your fuckin' fantasies."
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lxnarphase · 4 months
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━━ ❝ it's sticky, toshi... ❞
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ᯓ ❤︎₊‧⁺...synopsis : you help ushijima finally realize that he's got a breeding kink
ᯓ ❤₊‧⁺...cw : u. wakatoshi x fem!reader, dirty talk, messy and wet, teasing, marathon sex, pet names, breeding kink, talks of pregnancy, ushijima can't stop cumming
ᯓ ❤₊‧⁺...lunar's note : haikyuu save me, save me ushijima wakatoshi, SAVE ME !! anyways hi i spent 150$ on ushijima merch yesterday and i don't regret it, so say hello to my haikyuu phase coming back !!!
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ushijima having a breeding kink isn't a surprise to you at all.
what is surprising is how long it takes for him to figure it out.
sure, at first it wasn't clear, but after being with him for so long, you quickly pick up on whenever he'd mutter in your ear as he slid his stupidly big cock inside of you, saying how badly he wished he could cum inside of you instead in the condom.
afterwards, he's so focused on cleaning you up and making sure you felt good and satisfied, you don't get a chance to question him on it. not that you were complaining, ushijima is so cute when he's asking if you need anything and constantly reminds you to get up and go use the bathroom.
it's even cuter when he realizes you can't walk.
"ah. i'm sorry, i didn't realize how hard i went...here, let me help."
eventually, you to suggest things to ushijima, trying to test out the waters with him.
you start by just asking if he’d want to fuck you without the condom, what he thought about cumming inside, even jokingly saying you’d make him a dad one day.
but it seems like that last part was swimming around his head for a while...he can't get the thought of you getting chubby and round with his kid out of your head. and knowing he'd be able to take care of you all the time? that thought alone made him shiver a little.
what can he say, he loves doting on you more than anything.
however, you aren't expecting the way he reacted weeks after dealing with your teasing and questioning, fueling the thoughts swirling inside his head.
"toshi, if you ever cum inside me, you should set it as your phone background! actually, wait, no, because what if your teammates see it..."
"..."
"mm, maybe a video instead? ooh, yeah, i want a video of you cumming in me then pullin' out so i can see it spill out, toshtosh, would you do that f' me?"
he doesn't reply and doesn't give you a chance to comment again. the visual you painted in his mind just too much for him.
next thing you know, ushi's got you folded in half on the bed, making sure you feel every drag of his stupidly fat cock against your hot gummy walls. he's pulling out to just the tip before slamming back inside you, groaning each time you let out a whimper of his name or squeeze down on him.
"toshi, t-toshi! h-hoohmygod, please, baby, c-calm down, 'm sorry f' teasin', oh my goddd...!"
you're so fucking wet and noisy, he wants to make you be quiet because he feels like your going to make him cum too fast but he'd never ever do it as the thought of not being able to hear you is painful.
he's lost track of time, your cunt making him brainless as he pumps his cock in and out of you as he groans your name, one of his hands pinning your arms to your back while the other presses your head into the pillows.
"s-shhh, honey, let...let me make you feel good, y're so loud..."
it's so fucking messy and sloppy, his cum is dripping out of your tight pussy from how many times he’s emptied his load into you, but he still isn’t stopping, no, he can't. it’s leaking from between your thighs, leaving a milky white sheen on his dick, dripping down onto the bedsheets.
"m-mmh, nooo, toshi, don' wanna be quiet, i-i wan' you to hear how good you make me feel, baby," you purr between moans, knowing that your voice was enough to get him off. the throb of his dick inside of you told you that you were right.
“i...i thought 'bout fucking you like this all day, during practice…that i’d fuck you full of my cum, get it so deep inside you," he mutters with a grunt, moving his hands off you so he could drape himself over your back.
"f-fuck, everyone knew something was off, kageyama kept asking me if-if was okay, how 'm i 'posed to tell him my pretty little honey is waiting at home for me to fill them with my cum?”
with an affirming coo, you manage to tilt your head to the side to look over your shoulder, wanting to see how ushijima is holding up and god, the sight is so sinful.
ushijima's dripping in sweat, his bottom lip swollen and puffy from his teeth digging into it. his fluffy hair is messy and sticking to his damp forehead, and his eyes are shut, squeezing in pleasure when the head of his cock brushed against that sweet spot just right, making your cunt spasm around him.
but his eyes keep opening to see the mess between the both of you. each thrust causes his cum to spill out around him, loud, wet squelches filling the bedroom. and it's only fueling his need to fill you up again, and again, and again, until he can’t anymore.
ushijima can’t stop himself, flipping you over onto your back and folding you into a mating press and, god, he's so fucking happy he did. the way you sob his name, your nails clawing at his back as you cry in pleasure about how much deeper he is now driving him insane.
“t-toshi, cum in me, please, wanna make you a daddy, please.” “I know, baby, I’ll give you all of it, fuck you full of cum until you can’t take anymore.”
“i-i know, honey, i’ll give you all of it, stuff you full of cum until you can’t take anymore.”
fuck, he’s so loud, he sounds so good. ushi's deep, drawn out groans and pants of your name making you go dizzy, his big hands squeezing your waist tightly each time your hands tug at his hair.
“mm, fuck, that’s right, take all my cum, look at you, so good, can you take more? let...let me cum in you again, baby, you promised you’d make me a daddy, right? i-i need to make sure it sticks.”
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