#when i was a kid i thought i wasn't Being Kid enough

[phalangemedes]

hello!! this is true but also the intense and fucked up pressure of being 'gifted kids' absolutely and irrevocably messed them up.

You can be loved and cherished and in a stable environment and still have too much expected of you as a literal child fill of underdeveloped skull jelly. They burdened these bumbling baby pre-teens with the knowledge they were about to be in charge of EVERYTHING they had ever known. Like it was the greatest honour to be bestowed on them. And they believed it BECAUSE THEY WERE KIDS.

Palamedes wasn't just an adroit necromancer he was also SMART, he was clever and caring and dedicated and he was pushed and pushed and pushed to become something so important so young. And he was told it was an accolade, something to be proud of, what he should have always been aiming for. ‘You are the best so be the best’. The only reason he wasn’t an egomaniac ( which isn't to say yer boy doesn't have an ego, he does, it's just because mostly he's been in an environment where he's been RIGHT alot) is because Cam didn’t let him. Their love language is argumentative, it’s why he thought Harrow was ready for tea parties and sleep overs even though she was still on ‘that is definitely a murderer, I can tell. For reasons.’ And it made him self sacrificial for the greater good, against his own good, it made him think not only SHOULD he help but that if he couldn't he was a failure.

Dulci is SUCH a good example of this, because he was A LITTLE TINY BABY and he heard of this woman and he thought his need to fix her was love. That's so sad??? And it obviously became love, because he loves very fully anyone he thinks even vaguely likes him back. But that must have been such a MINEFIELD for Dulcinea?? And she was the first 'adult' who was sweetly kind to him, who treated him like a kid, listened to him and talked to him, expected nothing more than a letter back. She didn’t tell him ‘yes I expect you to make me live’ she said ‘thank you’ when he made things to make her life better, but she never let him get close enough his everything was sucked into being her carer.

And Cam... Cam was a sword fighter on a planet of data analysts. A BIG, STRONG, taciturn girl who was fond of the (inevitable) future Master Warden. And she was never an Alexandrite, so she was never seen as TOP TIER, never trained as a consort, and that would have been expected for him. Her own ego is also… strange. She’s aware of her ability but she doesn’t think she’d good enough, not in a ‘I have weighed myself up against the world and found myself lacking’ way either in a ‘Well it’s okay because at least Sextus has a clue.’ Generally she would have been DROWNED in expectations of what her station was. Either was a 'you have to git gud' or a 'you wont ever be good enough'. I wonder how much of it was why she became his cavalier primary, better to be thought of as unworthy as his cav without the pressure to spread your ‘inferior’ genes right???

Also they are the most fucking neurodivergent little shits in the world?? and whilst their obsessions and dedication past the point of mental and physical wellness were seen as a good sense of duty, it was not, and no adults were telling them 'hey how about you eat and sleep and stuff!!' because it was seen as a virtue to be obsessed.

If you're on planet library and your special interest is Learn Everything you're getting A*'s. If your job is Book Boys Stab Fiend and you're good at stabbing? You will be encouraged past the point of failure to get better at being a Stab Fiend.

And I don't think there's any BETTER way this is expressed than with Paul's birth. That is an act of LOVE and an act of WAR. It's an act of kindness, it isn't a sacrifice of their individuality, it's the best they have. Pal doesn't have long in Babs, Camilla is a kebab without a necro to fix her. And their choice? is to become a demi god surrounded by the family that put them in that position and their enemies. They put them in a situation who's only out was failure. And they said naahh and chose their own failure, together, hand in hand.

It’s the wedding you have in secret when your family hates you and your partner, it’s going to a family function 10 years later wearing your rings with a ‘Oh yeah we got married’ because it was for you but holy fuck you want it to hurt them too.

Smothering is no less or more than neglect, just different.

what drives me insane is that most of the codependent pairs in tlt were set up to develop that kind of relationship in one way or another except for cam and pal. they weren’t the last two children on their planet! they don’t have the excuse of having been raised as a matched pair! they didn’t even keep each other company for ten thousand years! they were two friends growing up in a stable environment among people who cared about them and somehow they still managed to achieve levels of codependency unknown to god by like. age 13

[natsukishinomiyaswife]

Nighttime Pondering (Part One)

Hello ♡ I told my friend @offorestsongs that I would write the fluffiest thing I could think of, fluffy enough to make him fall in love with his favorite character all over again! I decided to write something not only for him, but for some of my other mutuals as well ♡ Please note that no pronouns are used for the Reader! Enjoy ♡

Featured characters: Rook, Ruggie, Jamil

Scenario Introduction:

He loves you, adores you more than anything in the world. He makes you feel safe, loved, and protected. On nights when he's busy, coming home to see your sleeping figure instantly brings him a sense of peace. His body relaxes, his mind clears, and his focus is entirely on you.

The peaceful look on your face, moonlight coming through the curtains illuminating your figure. The slow rise and fall of your chest, the sound of your breath breaking the silence of the night. He loves these moments more than anything, more than you'd ever know. So he lays there beside you, watching with adoration as his thoughts consume him, thinking just how lucky he was to have you ♡

Rook Hunt (@offorestsongs)

♡ Adoration, devotion ♡

He's careful as he enters the room, doing his best to leave you undisturbed. Like a hunter stalking his prey he's silent, quietly making his way to the bed. He changes slowly, putting on his pajamas while taking peaks of your face, looking over his shoulder with a smile.

Instead of joining you in bed, he walks over to your side, sitting on his knees on the floor. He gazes at your features fondly, gently moving stray pieces of hair from your face. You looked so relaxed, so serene, like a work of art come to life. His elbows rest on the bed as he leans closer, looking down at you in adoration. He could hardly believe he was yours, running his hand gently down your cheek. His thumb brushes against your features, as if he were tracing them, committing each one to memory.

If he wasn't careful, he'd spend the night staring at you rather than sleeping, something you've scolded him about in the past. He couldn't help it though, placing a hand on your chest to feel the gentle beat of your heart. It was calm under his palm, a beautiful beat that he adored, just as beautiful as you.

He takes a few minutes more savoring it, the sight of you only he gets to see, the heart that cares for him as much as it beats. Reluctantly he gets up, moving to the other side to get into bed. His arms circle your waist, legs tangling with yours as his face presses against your hair. His hand finds yours, fingers slotting together like a puzzle, like it was meant to be. He can smell your shampoo, the body wash you're fond of, a scent that's distinctly you. He savors it as his eyes close, already picturing what the morning would be like. Waking up to see you lying there, your eyes half lidded as you greeted him drowsily.

He couldn't wait to see it ♡

Ruggie Bucchi (@midnightmah07, @nicoliharu)

♡ Restless, too good to be true ♡

He enters the room with a yawn, exhausted after a long day's work. Working multiple jobs is never easy, the paychecks he'll get in return being his sole motivation. There was a sense of satisfaction that came with hard work, yet no matter how much money he made, it was never enough. It would never be enough, at least to him.

Not until he can give himself, his grandmother, the kids back home, and you... a better life. He looks toward where you were in bed, fast asleep in his worn sheets. It was hard to believe you fell for him at times, that you even loved him at all, hidden insecurities plaguing his mind.

He knew he wasn't the best boyfriend, unable to spoil you with gifts or fancy dates. He worked all the time in the hopes of making money, or took things whenever the opportunity arises. Yet, you stayed with him, even when he teased and stole your belongings, longing to catch your eye.

It made him feel restless, knowing you were too good to be true. That you were too good for him, far more valuable than anything he's ever had. How many people have you rejected, just to be with him? People who could shower you with love, with devotion and time. Yet here you were with a hyena from the slums, who couldn't give you the life you deserve...

He shakes the thought from his mind, refusing to let it linger. The important thing was that you chose him, him, out of everyone else. And while his money was limited, he gave you what he could, willing to share whatever he had. Finally he moved to join you in bed, taking a moment to make himself comfortable.

That was his love, his devotion, he gave it all to you. He turned to look at you more closely, grinning at the silly expression on your face. You were completely relaxed, deep in sleep without a care in the world. Wearing the comfortable pajamas you loved so much, your hair sticking up around your pillow. And yet you couldn't have looked more lovely to Ruggie, the hyena pulling you into his arms, pressing a kiss to your temple.

You were worth more than any amount of money, any treasure, anything he could ever own ♡

Jamil Viper (@crystallizsch, @anbaisai, @viperbunnies, @cheerleaderman, @0honeybones0, @fell-e)

♡ Indulgence, allowing himself to be selfish ♡

He enters the room with a sigh, letting the quiet of the night wash over him. He was glad to be alone now, or at least, with his thoughts, gazing at you from across the room. It was hard to make out your expression from where he stood, your face resting on one of the pillows scattered on his bed. You looked comfortable, curled up in the blankets as you slept peacefully.

Walking closer he realizes you're wearing one of his sweaters, his heart picking up at the sight. Though he would never say it, his clothes suited you, enjoying whenever you would wear something that was his. It was as if you were showing him off, like you were proud to be his, proud to be with a Viper.

He uses his magic to take down his hair, careful not to disturb you as he did his nightly routine. It was a shame he's been so busy recently, unable to do your hair like he used to. While he wouldn't do it often, he enjoyed the intimacy of it, using his hands to carefully put your hair up. Whether it be with a braid, or a bun, or a ponytail. Just being able to do something for you, something he could easily brush off if needed.

He constantly fought with his feelings for you, wanting to deny them and yet... longing to indulge himself, to be selfish just this once. But habits are hard to break, and while you were together, he still found himself pushing his feelings away, unable to fully give himself to you.

Just how long were you willing to put up with this? This dance he did, pulling you in while moving back, leaving you right where you were before. He walked over to where you lay, gazing down at you in his pajamas. If you were awake, you would see the conflict in his eyes, the longing he tried to mask.

You were his and yet... you weren't, were you? Not really, not until he let himself have this. Let himself have these feelings, this love he refused to call love, this longing he tried to push down. He rests his hand on your cheek, soaking in the softness of your features.

Here in the dark, while you rested unaware, he let's his feelings wash over him, the eyes of others no longer resting on his back. His affection, his adoration, his love and longing for you.

He stares at your face and he indulges, tracing your features, pressing a kiss to your brow. There was no one better suited for you than him, no one who could love you as much. So stay with him, won't you? Even when he pushes, and denies, and distances himself.

There is no one for him but you, no one he wants but you.

It will always be you ♡

I hope you enjoyed! ♡ I broke this up into parts since it was getting long lol ♡

Part two will have Jack (for @skriblee-ksk), Azul (for @oya-oya-okay), and Lilia (cause I had an idea for him lol ♡) There may also be a part three depending on how people enjoy this idea ♡

Thank you! ♡

[lets-try-some-writing]

I got the image of the Jack, Miko and Rafael learning to imitate Distressed/terrified Sparkling cries and using them against the decepticons. It’s a very efficient defense mechanism. Every cybertronian who heard them is freaking out because oh primus how is the squishy thing making that noise and I gotta protect it at all costs. The sheer chaos that would ensue as the ‘protect/rescue the sparkling’ programming kicks in full force.

——

The vehicons are clustered at the other end of the room panicking. They don’t know what to do. The human sparklings are looking right at them and making distress noises. The guilt is killing them.

Knockout going “is the car form less alarming?! If I turn into a car will you stop seeing me as the threat?!”

Breakdown is having a breakdown.

Starscream pinned to the wall on the other side of the room having an internal crisis. He doesn’t like this. Make it stop.

Soundwave makes no noise but you can FEEL the sheer distress radiating off of him.

Megatron is frozen. No thoughts, head empty. He’s not moving at all. He doesn’t know how to handle this.

——

The autobots have mixed feelings about this. They’re glad the kids have a way of defending themselves but please don’t do it near them. They’re stressed out enough as it is.

(This might sound kinda dumb but I thought it was kinda funny. Very tired while writing this)

Wait no this is actually brilliant.

The Decepticons never anticipated their long buried parental nature to be used against them. No one did. But they day the human children turned up on the battlefield looking far too confident, every Bot and Con present had the all encompassing feeling that something was terribly wrong. Their suspicions were quickly confirmed when, before the Decepticons could do much of anything to get the relics they were after, Rafael began to wail.

Normally, human screams meant nothing. But there was a certain pitch that sounded so close to a cry of distress from a sparkling that, to warriors who had not heard a sparkling in millennia, it was enough to send them running to help. In this case, the issue was only compounded as the children scattered like mice and started making the same noises. The Decepticons could hardly focus on the Autobots booking it to the relics as they frantically tried to locate the fictitious sparklings calling for aid.

The Vehicons managed to get to Jack, but he just kept looking up at them defiantly. Every time one of the dozen or so Vehicons on the field tried to grab him, blast him, or otherwise hurt him, Jack would chirp like a sparkling and send all of them scurrying back. It wasn't cute to the Vehicons. Having never seen actual sparklings but still having the coding needed to adore them, they looked at Jack and saw a weird frame-walker. They weren't sure what to do about it except try to haul themselves away while also keeping a vague circle around the human male.

Miko on the other hand made it a point to chase after Megatron and Soundwave, screeching like a sparkling about to be shredded. Neither stopped for her, but Megatron completely lost his train of thought every time that screech rang out. He could have been aiming at Optimus with a perfect head shot and he would be unable to fire as Miko's distressed sounds rang out in his audials. He KNEW she wasn't a sparking. His coding wasn't even that strong. But by Primus, hearing her screech was the same as watching a civilian get run over by a bus, repeatedly. Focus was impossible.

Soundwave wasn't much better. He didn't react outwardly, but the slowing of his steps and the way he tried to sidestep Miko gave away his distress. He avoided her like the plague, trying to refocus but being unable to really get far as Miko screamed like a demon. It was a fight against the Unmaker himself to keep Soundwave from bolting over to collect the sparkling who sounded so very upset.

Rafael, for his part, followed Miko's lead and harassed the other three members of High Command most often found out on the field. Breakdown ran screaming the moment Rafael started chirping at him. This was both out of fear of the frame-walker and to escape the inevitable overreaction of his coding. He may or may not have attempted parkour once or twice to get as far away from the smallest of the humans as possible.

Knockout tried to ignore Rafael when the kid chirped up at him, he really really did. But how does one ignore the Cybertronian equivalent of a soaking wet kitten meowing up at you? Simply put: you don't. Knockout gave in and quickly dropped down to try and soothe the non-existent sparkling every. single. time. Rafael pulled his noise trickery. He never fails to panic and attempt to flash colorful things at Rafael to get him to stop. Every Decepticon has since been endlessly disappointed in him.

Starscream, being terrified of things that really shouldn't be there, took the skies the instant the trio began screeching. Nope. Not today Unicron. He'll get the mission done or get the heck out of dodge to avoid coding coming online. He doesn't need empty nest syndrome on top of a crippling case of "I Love Power." He also doesn't need to deal with the horrific mental image of a squishy somehow managing to sound like a sparkling. Nope. Nope. NOPE.

The Autobots are grateful the kids can protect themselves a bit now. But by Primus, they have known NO peace since the kids figured it all out.

[lukalnst]

pretty pls with a cherry on top some hurt/comfort w/ luka from alien stage where him and reader were close as kids at anakt garden but as they grew up and entered alien stage he started to become more cold and mean which hurts reader :(( but despite that he shows he’s still the same luka they know and love :))

LUKA X READER (HURT/COMFORT)

Includes: Luka x reader, gn!reader, hurt/comfort, emotional hurt/comfort, can be both read as platonic or romantic

Luka had changed, or so you thought.

You had noticed this, much more than anyone else. Of course, you couldn't help but notice the changes in his demeanor, not after you two had basically grown up being sewn together.

It hurt, of course. It hurt a lot — you wanted to be close with him again. You had gotten some chances to speak with him, but most of those conversations were nothing but small talk.

You wondered if he missed you the same way you missed him. Did you even cross his mind?

He seemed to be having so much fun with the other participants. Yeah, you were glad to see him happy and enjoying his new relationships, but you felt left behind. Still, it tore you apart to see him doing not so greatly back in your Anakt Garden days, but still, you missed his friendship, the ways he would latch onto your arm while you both laid down in the grass and he would whisper a small 'I love you'.

... You just wanted him back.

What an irritating feeling. He had grown distant, so if you were to ask him for any sort of affection, you'd probably just be greeted with nothing but coldness.

Strangely enough, you had asked him to meet you after a round with some participants who, being completely honest, you didn't really care much about. He just stared at you for a while, then hesitated before accepting.

...

It had been a few days since then, the round had just finished, and you both arrived at the spot where you told him to meet you. Surprisingly, he was pretty early, and he didn't seem too nervous about talking to you once again, something which you couldn't relate to.

"Hey, Luka," your lips trembled slightly as you spoke. You stood up beside him, and he just gave you a nod of acknowledgment. Did you mean nothing to him?

You didn't want to know.

After a few seconds of silence, which seemed to be nearly eternal, he spoke. "So, what do you want to talk about?" He questioned you but didn't make any eye contact with you.

"Well, I just wanted to catch up with you. It's been a while since—" You were cut off by his own words.

"... You still care about me, no? It seems like you haven't changed at all," Luka whispered your name after finishing that sentence.

He was right. When you both were younger, you were always worried sick about him. You made sure that he didn't get hurt or anything similar, something which he showed his appreciation for.

But now, he barely even acknowledged your mere existence. You were surprised that he even remembered your name.

Trying to laugh it off to lighten up the mood, you laughed softly. "I guess," you murmured. "That's not the case for you, though."

Luka's eyes finally met yours.

"Who said it wasn't?" His voice seemed genuinely confused. "Maybe we don't talk that much... but you're still someone who means a lot to me."

His cheeks seemed to have a small pink color dusting them. He had grown up now, so he felt sort of forced to be different from when he was a kid. "If you think I don't care, you're pretty wrong." He added onto his words.

"What... what do you mean?"

"We may not talk much, but you will always be completely and utterly adored by me," A small smile formed in his lips. "After all, you showed me what love really was."

The words that were being said made you feel weirdly emotional, so you latched onto his arm, just like how he did to you when you both were children.

"... I won't let you leave again, Luka."

[solarwonux]

And this is why I'm not even sad about the outcome I'm angry. I'm crying angry tears and my anger is justified.

My parents and I moved to the united states when I was 4 years old. It took us YEARS for all 3 of us to get our permanent resident status. Even my brother being born when I was 6 wasn't enough for the government to grant my parents and I permanent residency. Picture this to have 1 of your kids be an American citizen and the other one awaiting for papers. That if anything were to happen, your infant child would be left alone. Even when they went to court hearings to prove they were working and paying taxes and that I was going to school. It was not enough

We got our green cards when I was 9.

I didn't become an American citizen until I was 23. And my parents although still have their documents and are legal and give back to their community, have never missed filling their taxes. Now have to fear for their rights.

What's worse is that I was raised in Miami where my parents currently live. A melting pot of cultures, of races, of languages, of people. This community CHOOSE to vote against themselves. They CHOOSE to forget where they came from because they wanted to be AMERICAN so bad.

I can't even explain to you how many people from high school just voted for this man. How many women voted against their bodies. I thought we were smarter than that?

I hope they one day realize that no matter how much you pretend to be American. YOUR president will never once accept YOU. And YOU stand behind a person who emodies the same ideologies YOU once ran away from.

I hope you're happy.

And thank you for once again showing me how full of self hate you are. To vote against your own people 3 times is some self loathing shit if I've ever seen it.

listen idgaf that I’m a kpop blog but I’m absolutely baffled with election results

like I am a u.s citizen with immigrant parents who raised me here to better my life and theirs. I had to sit in a courtroom at 12 years old crying about why my dad should stay in the country bc he provides not only financial but emotional support. I had to provveeee why he deserved a better life for himself and those he loved.

Latinos for Trump are the biggest slap in the face to the family members that fought and DIED for their freedom. I will never take for granted the hardships my parents went through just so I can get a higher education than they could never dream of. just for me to have a voice of my own and grow to be the person I am.

and someone will always argue “they can come the right way” THERE IS NO RIGHT WAY. not everyone escaping war, famine, poverty, etc have the LUXURY to wait the 20+ years it takes to gain citizenship but will always be the first to shout “I’m moving if so and so is president”

and now to be told that birth-right citizenship is on the line? this idea of mass deporting “immigrants”??? Fine get every “U.S born” citizen out of Asia, Africa, Europe or South America and deport them back.

[befuddled-calico-whump]

Obsolete

cw: nsfw themes/implications, abuse, manipulation, fear, brief emeto mention, choking. (this chapter can be skipped without losing out on plot, it's a bit heavy)

previous // T$$ Masterlist

~ ~ ~

Sahota slouches on the bed, both feet planted firmly on the tile floor as if that’s enough to keep him tethered, keep his thoughts from drifting too far. He holds the gag in both hands, turning it over and over and over, watching the metal sections that make up most of its structure catch the light. 

He doesn't know long Harbor had been there when he arrived, already shaking from the stress on his body, tension to his shoulders and core brought on by the heavy leather cuffs that secured him to the foot of the bed.

He'd tried to pull away when Sahota knelt to remove the gag.

“F-fuck off.”

“This isn't what you want, Harbor.”

“It's what Vic wants.”

He'd cursed and insulted and tried to elicit a reaction that wasn't get out from him, but in the end he'd left.

“You're jealous,” he'd spat as Sahota closed the door behind him. There was something desperate in his tone, like he hoped if he said it with enough fervor he'd believe it, like he wished a rivalry was the only thing to worry about.

Like he was willing to thrust his hand into a fire just to feel the warmth. 

“You're just fucking jealous.”

He isn't. Is he? Jealous is too simple a way of putting it. He wants Vic's gaze to linger on him the way it does Harbor, he wants the idle touches as they pass in the hall, the I'm proud of you's and I know you can do it's.

He needs his attention as much as he loathes it.

Shouldn't he be grateful his master's lust is being directed elsewhere? 

Doesn't it mean he isn't enough anymore? What then? If Vic is finally tired of him, what does that mean? Will he be thrown out, abandoned? Or will he become another loose end that needs to be tied up?

It felt like that during their mock interrogation. It's been months since he's seen Vic that angry, much less at him, he's been far too careful for that. He never should've tried, never should've given the others the hope that they could take an alternate path. He's the reason they're trying to salvage control, he's the reason Vic’s tightening his fist around them.

If he hadn't gone behind his back with the challenge, would they have been allowed to to go after Manak?

Would Manak even be lost in the first place?

Sahota can't fight a grimace. He's learned this lesson a thousand times over already; he should know better. 

You can't say no to Vic.

He knows that, knows the consequences, and yet here he is. He can only hope it won't be Harbor that suffers for it.

The handle turns. Sahota half expects it to be the belligerent trainee, back with more choice words and arguments. When the door reveals Vic, a part of him wants to curl up and hide, reduced once again to a terrified kid who should fucking know better.

He wants to shrink under Vic’s gaze as they meet eyes, silence drawing out between them, but he doesn’t, instead stiffening his spine against the fear that curdles in his stomach, instead daring to open his mouth.

“How long would you have left him here?” A safe enough place to start. Not an accusation, He lets his hands fall into his lap, the gag still held between them. 

Vic leans against the doorframe, arms crossing his chest. “Would've been going on six hours now, if you hadn't cut him loose.”

“Six hours,” Sahota repeats flatly.

“I've kept you for thrice that.”

“He isn't me.”

“And you hate that, don't you?” He pushes himself up from the wall, moving into the room, closing in. “Why? I know you don't care for him.”

Because Vic always knows everything, because Sahota can never hide things from him. He doesn’t care for Harbor. He doesn’t let himself care for anyone these days. Still, under the envy and the fear there’s a stark horror at the thought that someone else will take his place, will suffer as Vic's plaything, will render him pointless.

“Am I not enough for you?” he says.

Vic clicks his tongue, cupping Sahota’s cheek with a warm hand. “Is that what you're afraid of, little spy? Being replaced?”

Yes. No. “Why do you want him?”

“He's a flashy thing. Caught my eye.” Vic chuckles. “So desperate for any human interaction he'd disembowel himself for a pat on the head.”

Is that what it comes down to? Another person for Vic to hurt, another body in his control. He shakes his head. “Vic—”

He's silenced with a kiss. There's something foreign in it. A new excitement, amusement that he cares about this, that he's scared.

“He won't replace you. He'd make a good dog though, don't you think?” He nuzzles into Sahota's neck. “Once you warm up to the idea, maybe I'll even let you play with him.”

Sahota jerks away, a breath lodging in his throat. He couldn't, he couldn’t. The idea of Vic dragging Harbor into this stings enough. The thought of playing along—of holding the younger man down, hurting him, controlling him—is too much to hold. He wants to throw up.

“Is that a no?”

“Whatever you want to do to him, you know I can take,” Sahota says, his voice low and insistent. He’s nearly pleading. He doesn’t know why he’s pleading for this.

It should feel good, shouldn't it? To know he may never again take the brunt of Vic's affections, to be elevated to a place of control.

It doesn't. It burns like bile.

“I know.” Vic’s hand strokes his cheek, thumb coming to rest on his lower lip. “When's the last time you cried for me?” It seems more a musing than a question he wants answered, but even if it were, Sahota doesn’t think he can speak to it.

He can’t remember the last time himself.

No, that's not true. Just days ago, he was crying, but not for Vic. It feels like such a potent secret he’s nearly purged it from his mind, and now he's afraid his master will see it on his face, the weakness he dared to show to these outsiders.

Ander, my name is Ander.

His own words echo back to him in a way that makes him shudder. By some stroke of luck, Vic doesn't notice, his eyes on the gag in Sahota's lap.

His hand falls away from his face, and he fixes him with a searching gaze. “Are you afraid he makes you obsolete?”

Sahota drops his eyes. “I… Yes.” It seems too simple an answer, but it’s the easiest explanation. One that might satisfy Vic.

“And you’d prefer it if I left him alone?” He tips his chin up with a finger. “If it stays just you and me?”

“Yes.” His answer is quieter this time. Vic hmms, and the silence seems to stretch for a long moment, every wordless breath drawing more fear into Sahota, pulling tension into his body. Then, Vic suddenly pushes him back onto the mattress, one hand curling in his hair, the other cupping his chin as he kisses him, hot and fierce. Sahota returns the kiss until he’s breathless.

“Hands behind your back.”

He obeys without much thought. It’s been a while since Vic’s tied him up for this. Months, at least. Silky rope winds around his wrists, and then he’s rolled onto his back, heart hammering with anticipation. There’s fear there too, but he tries to shove it down. Isn’t this what he wants? Isn’t this what he just begged for?

He opens his mouth to say something, but Vic’s hands shoot out, locking around his throat, squeezing, cutting off air. Panic floods through him, but he has Vic's touch memorized. His body knows not to respond, to take it, no matter how much his mind wants to rebel.

“What if I did want to replace you, Ander?”

Sahota’s eyes widen at the words, barely audible over the blood rushing in his ears. His body spasms from the lack of air, heels digging into the mattress, but Vic doesn't let up.

“What if I am tired of you, hm? What can you do about it?”

His wrists burn, the rope digging into them as his arms shake involuntarily, reaching to remove the pressure. No… No, he can’t mean it, Vic can’t mean it, he’s his. He’s been his for twelve years, he can’t just be replaced, he can’t just let the fucking cycle start all over again. Tears sting his eyes but refuse to shed, his mouth opening wide, making soundless pleas.

It can’t end this way, it can’t end this way, Vic, sir, Shepard, please—

“You are everything I made you. Without me, you'd be nothing. If I want someone new, you'd better just be fucking grateful you still have a seat at the table.”

His lungs burn, body shuddering, vision blackening at the corners, closing in—

—And then Vic’s hands relax, slipping away from his throat. The spy gasps for breath, rolling onto his side and curling his knees in, unsure whether he’s shaking from the lack of air or the sheer fear, the knowledge that Vic could’ve done it, would've done it. He would’ve done it and not even batted an eye.

He's not allowed to hold the thought for long before Vic seizes him by the hair, jerking him into a half-sitting position, his face stony and empty when the spy looks up at him through blurring vision.

Something almost like satisfaction crosses his master’s face.

“There's the tears.”

~

@theonewithallthefixations , @violets-whumperflies , @whump-me , @pirefyrelight , @soheavyaburden ,

@snakebites-and-ink , @whumpsday , @kixngiggles , @echo-goes-aaa , @whumpcateyes ,

@clickerflight , @sodacreampuff , @starfields08000 , @neverthelass

[l-in-the-light]

Why did Law break the heart of poor Chopper? 😭🥺

Did he tho? :D I assume you mean the infamous "shut up" scene at the end of Wano. Did you know this is actually not the first time Law tells Chopper to shut up? But let's start from the beginning!

"See you around, Torao!", "Shut up!". In the anime it comes off much harsher than in the manga, in which the flow is completely different, because it happens immediately after or even in same time as Law's conversation with Luffy:

Law is trying to draw the line here, they've been in an alliance, but now it's over, so they had to know this would be the result, now they're back to being enemies. But since Law kinda expects Strawhats to forget about that (he was with them in that alliance long enough to know how "uneccessarily emotional" they are most of the time, lol), he reminds them about that, making it a very "manly" and "cool" goodbye in the end.

Except, it would stay that way, if not for Chopper destroying it all with his affectionate "see you around, Torao!" because he understands they became friends, and you say that to friends when you're parting ways, right? Chopper isn't really known for being able to "read the room", so he totally missed the vibe Law was going for. In the end Law has to shut him up before Chopper goes on to say even worse emotional stuff.

(btw Kid is not having any of this, just look at his grossed out reaction there... "set sail", it's like he's trying to make them leave faster so he doesn't have to hear their sobby pretentious goodbye lol)

You might have missed it, but it wasn't the first time Law told Chopper to shut up. The very first time it happened was in Punk Hazard, on their duo mission in the lab. Law, slightly aware they might be heard or watched, insists on Chopper hiding already because they're almost at the door. He wouldn't say it in a nice way. Don't get me wrong, I believe he is rather tamely mannered, but I can't deny there are a few things he indeed is rather rude about (though definitely still tame in comparison to other pirates): never saying greetings, for example, and also never saying "please". Apparently he uses "shut up" instead now, lol. Anyway here he told Chopper to shut up because he is worried they will be spotted and he won't say "please stay in the bag" lol.

(Law doesn't say "please" anymore, not after his last request was to Vergo and he got betrayed and Cora-san suffered as the result. Law didn't say the word "please" not even once ever since.)

Chopper is actually the first out of Strawhats crew that Law kinda bonded with. Despite Law telling him to hide, they actually talk for a bit in this scene and Law is really open with him too (telling him he can't deal with Caesar on his own and that's why he needs the help of Strawhats - a rare moment of honesty and something he didn't tell anyone else, not even Luffy). In a way, you can look at their goodbye in Wano as a callback to Punk Hazard :D

We know already Law is bad with greetings (which means also saying goodbyes). The best you can get from him is silence instead of "hi" or "bye", the worst you can get is "shut up". In Law's novel we also could see Law saying goodbye to Wolf and he struggled soooo much with it. If you thought Sanji's goodbye with Zeff was awkward, Law's goodbye with Wolf is like ten times that, haha. I will use some quotes here from the end of the novel, so if you want to skip it, now would be your cue :D (you can skip to the next image from manga!)

*cough cough* yes, it's Law saying that line: "stop, you'll make me cry". Young Law is a mood, I swear. In a way you can take it as a clue, Chopper got silenced so he won't blabble out emotional monologue like Wolf up there, melting Law's heart and pretense of toughness away.

"I have to say goodbye to the locals, as well only to those who have treated me particularly well. I think that includes the doctor and Rad".

It's worth noting that he says that as well in the novel, despite the fact we never see Law saying goodbye to practically no one in the manga. Not to Strawhats, not to Kin, not to Bartolomeo, and he was indebted to them to various degrees as well (not counting Kin, that was actually reversed). Young Law could stand goodbyes slightly better than adult Law, it seems.

A tearful goodbye between Wolf and Hearts. This is how his goodbye with Strawhats could have looked like as well, I guess? But keep in mind, when Law said his goodbye to Wolf it was pretty much the same situation like when Sanji said it to Zeff. Both were indebted to their mentors and didn't know if they will ever see each other again (and if they will, then when). Novel's ending suggests Wolf and Hearts didn't meet again and after Law announced them leaving for the Grand Line, you can be sure they never had occassion to go back to North Blue ever since. This goodbye is pretty much definitive, they won't see each other for more than a decade. The casual goodbye with Strawhats might mean they will see each other sooner than not! Especially with Chopper's foreshadowing "see you around!". Though I still think Law doesn't plan on meeting them again.

Now, is Chopper's heart truly broken by Law's response? He got shocked because Chopper doesn't understand why Law told him to shut up instead of telling him "see you around" or "take care" back. But Chopper often misreads the situation and that happens even in the Strawhats crew. At Jaya, Nami told him to dig for gold, only to scold him for something she told him to do mere moments later:

Chopper is simply bad at picking up those hints or realizing when someone asks of something unreasonable that's better to be ignored. He's also quite silly and naive, and ends up taken advantage of as the result. But mostly, all those social cues are beyond his understanding, because he's a reindeer. Chopper is also very emotional, always easily touched by someone's sad story or when seeing people crying. You can say his empathy levels are really high. Perhaps, but take it with a grain of salt, Chopper thought Law is a bit sad, maybe he picked up on his emotions that Law wanted to hide so well, so he said "see you around" to make it sound like their seperation isn't going to last very long, to cheer him up, and since no one else said it, Chopper thought he should (besides he also simply likes Law, why wouldn't he like him? they're both doctors and spent quite a long time together).

It didn't end the way Chopper wanted it to end (he probably didn't cheer up Law nor did he get any nice reply back), but it's hardly the first or the last time it happened to Chopper in the story. He can handle it, he's a tough reindeer :) sadly he probably won't learn any time soon, if at all. Also, this...

Some goodbyes are harsh for the sake of the person left behind. Here Hiruruk kicks out Chopper so the reindeer won't have to watch him dying with his own eyes. He thinks it's better to part ways before Chopper gets even more attached, so it hurts him a bit less. Hiruruk knows how kind and caring Chopper is and doesn't want him to lose his heart again. Sadly the only alternative he had was to break his heart a little, hoping it will heal fast, but at least *he won't lose it* completely. Could this also be seen as a parallel to Law's goodbye with Chopper? It might be, because I think Law is totally the same type of guy who would push people away for their own sake.

(Still, the next time they meet, Law might need to apologize to Chopper, hehe. After all he must know by now that Chopper's rumble balls literally saved his life)

That's it about Chopper, but let's go back to Law for a moment. Where did he get his habit of saying "shut up"? He did not have it as a kid... well. I think the novel gives us the answer indirectly to that (no spoilers, just two short quotes):

Wonder no more, it seems he learned that from Wolf, lol. Quite fitting because Wolf taught him how to be a responsible leader/captain as well :) Wolf loved those kids, like we can see from his goodbye scene. He kept telling them "shut up" mostly because he was embarrassed and also because he didn't want to get too attached to them at first (he had some poor experiences in his life before), and he wasn't used to have people around his house all the time, living together, sharing meals etc. Last time he had it, he lost it and he became quite bitter as the result. But spending time with Law, Bepo, Penguin and Shachi changed him a bit, to the point he could tell them that heartfelt goodbye instead of harsh words.

Now, is it just a habit Law picked up from him? Or is there something more to it? For starters, he doesn't really say "shut up" to anyone besides Chopper (and once to Luffy in One Piece Red, but there is sounds almost affectionate lol). Not to Usopp who is panicking (even if it slightly irritates Law), not even to Luffy who is always noisy (he does call him idiot though, but it's always deserved lol). But he does say it to his lovely Heart Pirates when they kept nagging him about going to the New World and he tells them "to stop yapping, shut up and follow his lead". And we know how much Law loves his Hearts. If Chopper deserved to be said to "shut up" then it already shows Law puts him in same category as his Hearts and thinks fondly of him. Just like Wolf was fond of his "stupid brats" he constantly shouted at to shut up.

One last thing, because context matters a lot as well. It's possible that Law said that to Chopper in that moment because he was afraid to get too attached to the Strawhats. Is it stretching it too far? I will let you all decide that for yourselves :D

[willsimpforanyone]

Hello! I'm not sure if you are taking requests right now, but I'd you are could you do something with a daughter of medusa who us almost or fully blind and everyone avoids her except for percy who has a crush on her? Can end however ypu would like :).

And remember to take of yourself and drink water!!! ❤️

thank u my lovely <3 hope u enjoy

i do have bad vision but i am not blind, so i apologise for inaccuracies,

-----------------------------

medusa was blessed with a daughter

gorgeously thick, curly hair, strong as hell, brought up by your mother as best she could

she was so happy when you opened your eyes as a baby and no one you looked at turned to stone

her curse was not yours!

it only took a moment for her to realise her curse had a different effect on you

you were not cursed, but as a side effect of being medusa's child, you were almost completely blind

growing up, you never realised there was anything too different about you

why would you? your mother raised you and she kept her eyes covered most of the time, she knew how to live as a blind woman in a seeing world

things got worse as you got older, and around 10 years old is when it got really bad

the monsters were relentless, and even medusa hiding you away didn't seem to help with the nightmares

so, when you were 12, she brought you to the camp

chiron was hesitant, but knew you meant no harm - you were a scared, lonely kid, like so many others before you

kinda for the first time, you were interacting with people who could see

it wasn't hard to guess who your mother was, and apparently that was enough for the other kids to reject you immediately

you learned to wear sunglasses or some kind of fabric over your eyes, otherwise some kid would start screaming

the first couple years of teenhood were rough

of course. you learned to live with it

you learned to become incredibly spacially aware, to be able to walk into a room and know exactly how many people there were and where they were standing

there were some kids who were alright, some from the athena cabin were civil despite their mom being the one who cursed yours

occasionally, though, there was a kid called percy

a son of posiden, who you were suitably wary enough of (again, considering the story)

he came to camp a little before you did, and was off on a quest when you actually arrived

it was an odd introduction

"hi, i'm percy, i kinda killed your mom"

you had shrugged, fingers still trailing over the book in front of you

"i know. she sent me an iris message from the underworld. it's not the first time someone's killed her, she'll be back in a few days"

the silence that followed was one of awkward expectation, and you snorted a laugh. "dude, chill out, i don't care anymore"

he'd hesitantly accepted your acceptance and had left, and you'd thought that would be the end of it

to your surprise, he would come back and talk

a friendship blossomed over the next couple years, something that was new to you

you genuinely liked him

he didn't ask questions about being blind all the time, he didn't scream when your sunglasses slipped down your nose, he seemed to automatically let you know what he was doing and where he was in your space

with him came grover, the somewhat nervous satyr who calmed down once annabeth, percy's other friend, slapped the back of his head when he asked if your hair was just a bunch very thin snakes

this was more friends than you'd had in your life, and it was kind of incredible

annabeth got some books in greek braille, and together you discovered that it was easier for you to read - the ancient greek hardwire was still very much present in your brain, even if you couldn't see the letters

percy, however, went the extra mile every time

every activity you were hesitant about, he was right there with you, describing the new areas, offering to help but never touching you or giving advice unless you asked first

any time something changed with the camp, whether it was a part of the forest or the layout of the camp itself, he'd go with you to explore the differences to change the mental map you had in your head

late nights were reserved for sitting together around a campfire, maybe with grover and annabeth, maybe not

but they were a time for you to ask questions instead

what colour were the new swords? what does bronze look like? is the red of the strawberries as sweet as they taste?

he would answer as best he can, trying to explain from every angle, like trying not to use other colours to explain another colour

one night, in your fourth year of camp, you got up the courage to ask him the question you'd been wanting to ask him forever

"percy? what do i look like?"

there was a pause, and you knew he had turned to look at you by the rustling of his hair

...a minute passes, and you shift in your seat

"you don't have to tell me, it's fine, forget i asked-"

"no!"

he interrupts you, blurting out a protest a little louder than he intended

he continues, clearing his throat

"no, i just- would it be okay if you took your sunglasses off? so i can give you the best description?"

in answer, you slipped off your sunglasses, hanging them in the neck of your t-shirt

all you could see was a faint warm, orange-yellow glow from the fire

percy takes a breath

"okay, here goes- you're beautiful. i-i know that isn't much but... you look warm. like the feeling of coming back to our cabin at the end of a really good day, tired but happy, and everything is quiet and calm and cosy and you know you're gonna sleep so good. you look like sunsets over the sea, like someone has managed to set the horizon on fire but, y'know. less dangerous than setting fire to things."

you laugh, subconsciously leaning against his shoulder with your heart trying to keep pace with the butterflies in your stomach

"yeah? i look warm?"

his voice is almost a whisper

"right now, yeah. the firelight is reaching out over the grass to touch you, preferring to have you warm than the trees around us. if we were regular teenagers, we could be telling scary stories"

i rest my hand, palm up, on his knee, a silent way of telling him to give me his hand

he does so, and i link our fingers together tightly, a 'thank you' that we don't need to hear

"percy?"

"yeah?"

"what do you look like right now?"

another pause, and he squeezes my fingers gently

"i think... right now, i look like i'm completely in love with you"

my head lifts from his shoulder, head turned to him as if i need to hear him better, like we aren't side to side, holding hands

"you... what?"

he breathes a shaky laugh, and i feel his hand move to pause just over my cheek

"sorry, that wasn't a great description, but i couldn't think of anything else to say. can i put my hand on your cheek?"

slowly, i nod, feeling his warm palm settle against my skin, his thumb brushing over my cheek

"please say no if you don't want me to," he whispers, voice nervous but also filled with hope

"but can i please kiss you?"

i don't need to be able to see to know how big he smiles when i say "yes"

------------------------

i hope that was okay? i tried my best, if anyone has an issue with it or wants me to correct something, let me know!

[charlotte-liddel]

"Oh, I know I am owing you. I was ready to treat you to meals for a week for this anyways." Charlotte was smiling more earnestly now, twirling the bag with the cones in her other hand idly. She was done with her mischief around him. Mostly because she knew the kids had a chance of being far more ruthless once they got to showing off.

Looking a bit more "hip" was more likely to ease their conceptions a bit. Plus the shirt did well to soften his look compared to his usual attire in her view. She just hoped it would be enough.

Tapping her chin in brief thought with her free hand, she stopped spinning the bag and picked out an oversized t-shirt for herself with a slightly pastel geared design. It wasn't a total one-eighty to something overly girly, but certainly more feminine. She only paused with it for a moment as she held it up against herself, before throwing it up. This was all because Zech made such a clear fuss.

Before the shirt would have landed on her, or maybe the floor, Charlotte turned into a more shimmering version of a flashbang. Bright enough to deter staring at her directly too long, but not necessarily painful. Just obscured for a few short seconds. When that light dimmed out quickly her outfit had changed, now in shorts, knee high socks, and the shirt she had thrown in the air.

Though she didn't really pause to dwell on the little costume change stunt she did. Instead she simply popped on a custom helmet with holes for her horns with an innocent hum.

"...And by the by, that shirt suits you. Or maybe you make it look good. However you want to take it, I mean the compliment." She rolled backwards ahead of him, only making a little toe-spin at the door to open it as she went out before him. They still had a ways to go to the little skate park area to show off from here, and getting there would be good warm up for both of them.

"Seriously...?" Quite unsubtly, he balks at the change in outfit she presents to him, his arms raising slightly at his sides to indicate the elbow guards he's already strapped on over his coat. "You're taking this a bit too far, don't you think? Besides, I'm not exactly comfortable with just... Throwing on another shirt in the middle of the store like this."

That would necessitate not only removing the safety equipment he'd already fastened into place, but the removal of his coat and, quite possibly, his shirt, were he not inclined to wear layer on top of layer — which, quite frankly, he wasn't.

...She wasn't leaving him with much of a choice, it seemed, as she unceremoniously dumped the shirt upon his helmet.

"...You owe me something for this," he grumbles, moving to place both objects temporarily upon the counterspace as he loosens the bindings on the shoulder pads and sets them upon his waiting board, then moves to retrieve the shirt again.

Afterwards, he shuffles off to another corner of the store. Somewhere with enough racks and products in place that it isn't likely for someone to spot him unless they specifically drew close to that little nook. And, without wasting a second, he sheds his coat, then his shirt, and, with a prompt swiftness to minimize his exposure as much as possible, slips on the other shirt that Charlotte had provided to him. His dark grey affair is then draped onto some nearby surface as he slips his coat back onto his frame, then scoops his former shirt under one arm as he returns to the front.

One glance is taken Lottie's way as she returns, already presuming that mischievous glint remains with her gaze, and he moves right past her to retrieve his equipment, placing his shoulder pads back into place and slipping the helmet onto his head before scooping up his board.

"Don't wanna hear it." He's already quick to interject, anticipating some form of quippy commentary regarding the change in his look. His usual shirt is placed upon the counter, and he briefly directs his attention to the shopkeeper. "Keep an eye on this for me. It's my favorite shirt."

"...Now let's get this over with already."

[cubbihue]

Anytime I see Changeling Tim, "One Normal Night" from The Addams Family musical starts playing in my head

(btw love your ittie bitties AU!!! Your worldbuilding is awesome :D)

OOHH!! I've never heard of The Addams Family having a musical!!

I went to listen to it and.. yeah. Timmy would love one normal night. Or many normal nights.

[vynnyal]

This is a pretty good point in the wip to share this, methinks :]

Map part for the hole dwelling map, starring... Not my ocs! I wanted to use ocs, but I don't have any-- so I just used the characters from a fic I was reading at the time 😂

Turns out, the symbolism was so much fun to twist into the 11 seconds I had to work with, I ended up going way more complex than I meant to. If you wanna read the fic this was based on, please do!! And tell the author I said hi! :D

[megumi-fm]

.

[idle-flower]

Amy Madison is one of those things which, like some of the subplots of DS9, I assumed that I'd missed something the first time around and that there was a lot more to it, and was disappointed on a rewatch to find that... no, not really.

Like, I thought it was super-cool that there was this tiny minor character with stuff going on in the background who would resurface seasons later instead of a "remember the new guy" plot! And obviously Willow cared about this girl and there was a whole story there, right? I wasn't religiously watching the show when it first aired so I'd probably just missed whatever her story was!

So then I did a big rewatch with a friend who'd never seen Buffy before and... ehh.

(Now, I never watched season 7 and have stricken it from my personal canon, so that already limits me.) I want Amy to make more sense and to have more story. In those few appearances there are just enough threads of a story that I can totally build a bunch of ideas, but they rapidly diverge from canon.

Because yeah, there's the "Amy decides to delve into witchcraft". Many good reasons why she might, protection from someone messing with her again being an obvious one, dark fascination and love/hate with her mother being another, but she's never given the chance to tell that story.

There's the "Amy back from the dead" which was HORRIBLY disappointing how glossed-over it was. Amy's real-world situation is more fucked-up than Buffy's was! Was she declared legally dead? How many people had any idea what had happened to her? (What happened to that Michael kid who was also in their witch circle? He knew, right? Did he used to visit Rat-Amy?) When she finally went to find her father how did she explain this to him, or did she panic and mind-whammy him because she *couldn't* explain? There could have been more detailed connections here with both Buffy's problems and Willow's problems, without having to go the ridiculous route of...

"Amy's magic druggie problem" Even leaving aside that this entire plotline is horrible, stupid, and horribly stupid, I don't for a second believe that a girl who's been stuck as a rat for years could instantly find the super-secret floating lair of the local druglord. She clearly didn't have that sort of hookup before and it wouldn't be that easy for her to find it now. She's years out of touch! And she should be struggling with magic now. She was not as powerful as fully-juiced Willow to begin with and the trauma of being ratted ought to be giving her the yips. Even if she knew this guy existed and never told Willow about it in high school for some reason, it ought to be a difficult quest on her part to find a way in.

"Amy wants revenge on Willow" A perfectly good plotline idea if they'd actually worked with it in the show, which would require making her more of a major character for a while. Because yeah, getting mad at Willow for 'ruining' her life is plausible, but we need to see Amy's life falling apart first. Even if it's almost-all offscreen because she's not a Real Scooby, it should take time for her to develop this hate-on for Willow. Because at first she'd be grateful for being saved, and then as she slowly realised how screwed she was, then she becomes resentful. Sort of an inverse of Buffy who wasn't happy about being saved and then comes to terms with it, Amy slowly gives up on trying to have her life back and decides to throw in with the dark side.

Just spitballing here. Willow, desperate to prove that she can do good things with her magic powers, de-rats Amy. Amy is thrilled at first but becomes more and more distressed as she realises that life has left her behind. How's she going to fix things with her dad? And Willow suggests magic. Willow takes her home, makes her dad accept everything with a mind-whammy, zap-zap-zap's Amy's long-turned-into-storage bedroom into something cool and modern and witchy, and leaves Amy there, feeling super proud of herself. See, it's easy! Magic really can fix everything! Cut back to Amy, alone in the dark, twitching in terror at the sounds of cats, trying to cast little spells and having them go wrong...

Reverse Unpopular Opinion: Amy Madison

[Reverse unpopular opinion meme.]

This is an interesting one because I think there’s a solid argument to be made that the character of “Amy Madison” does not, in fact, actually exist on the show Buffy the Vampire Slayer.

By which I mean … look, okay, yes, obviously, there is a character in an early Season 1 episode called Amy Madison, played by Elizabeth Anne Allen.  And there’s a character with the same name in a Season 2 episode, and [in an admittedly weird coincidence] she’s also played by Elizabeth Anne Allen.  And there’s one in Season 3, and a one in a few episodes of Season 6, and one in an episode of Season 7, and all of them are played by the same actor.

But … I mean, come on.  There’s no way these can all be the same character, right?  They don’t have the same basic back story or the same relationship to magic or to Willow; they certainly don’t have anything resembling a definite personality or set of motivations or a consistent character arc.  No, surely what’s going on here is that there are several different “Amy Madisons” in Sunnydale – just like there are several different characters called Anne or Nancy on the show – and in a bizarre in-joke the writers simply decided to cast the same woman to play all of them.

Now, ordinarily, simply being written inconsistently over a handful of episodes and not having anything resembling the same personality from week to week would be no obstacle to having a few die-hard fans.  But – as far as I can tell, anyway? – there’s no “fandom Amy” either.  She never really gets mentioned when people want to talk about how all the Scooby Gang had awful mothers [even though Amy actually did, explicitly and inarguably, have a very, very awful and openly abusive mother!].  There’s very little in the way of Amy/Willow shipping going on here or on AO3 [even though witchcraft is heavily coded as a metaphor for being a lesbian and Amy, one of the first witches we meet on the show, is repeatedly linked to Willow throughout the show’s run].  There are no adorable drawings of Amy as a rat staring out of her cage at Willow and Tara (or if there are, they aren’t getting as many notes as they should be getting).  

No, it looks like most people who are still watching and talking about the show twenty-five years later have about as much interest in poor Amy Madison as the writers did.  She’s a plot device.  A punchline.  A cipher.  A blank slate.  She’s whatever the plot requires her to be to further the stories of the actual characters on the show, and she’ll never ever be anything else.  Which is a little sad, if you think about it.  I think Amy – or, well, most of the different Amys: The Killer In Me’s smirking evil-for-evil’s-sake Amy I’m not so sure about – deserved better.

[As I write this the thought occurs to me, belatedly, that I might be one of Amy Madison’s biggest fans.  Pretty grim news for her if so.]

OK. Enough stalling.  Five positive things about Amy Madison [with, as ever, the usual caveat about the comics, which I’ve still not read anything about and still don’t exist].

Witch, Amy’s debut appearance, is a solid episode!  One of that season’s best, I think (though not, of course, one of its very best).  And I think the duo of Elizabeth Anne Allen's Amy Madison (and Robin Riker as her mom Catherine) is a big part of why that episode works: no, they haven’t got a huge amount to work with, but I think they both do a pretty good job switching between evil witch Catherine and innocent victim Amy.  Catherine’s bodyswap spell foreshadows (albeit unintentionally) the bodyswap artifact that the Mayor gifts Faith in This Year’s Girl / Who Are You? and I’ll always have a soft sport for it because of that.  And I really like that the episode ends with Amy alive and hanging out with Buffy in a way that suggests that they are going to stay friends, even if we don’t see any evidence on screen that that happened.

Sarcasm aside, I’m really glad the writers brought Amy back in the second season.  To me, part of the appeal of the high school years are the recurring minor characters – I talked about Principal Snyder before, but also Jonathan and Devon and Percy and Harmony and … yes, Amy too.  The show obviously doesn’t care about her very much, and you have to do a lot of mental gymnastics to fill in the missing pieces of her story and make her arc make sense (why is she starting to do magic in Season 2?  When does she start hanging out with Willow?), but … well, I do care and I have done those gymnastics.  At least Amy didn’t end up like Marcie Ross or Buffy’s old flame Owen or any of those poor kids who must remember eating Principal Flutie. 

I’ve been reading a few old interviews Elizabeth Anne Allen gave recently (here and here, for example) which I think have some pretty interesting insights into how the character of Amy developed.  Had you ever heard there were persistent rumors at one point that Amy was going to be one of the starting regulars on Angel?  It’s mind-boggling to think about a world where that happened.  Allen seems to have put a huge amount of thought into her character, too, at least for her first few appearances, which … uh, I guess makes me feel a bit shitty about those opening paragraphs. [Not enough to delete them though…]  Also in one of the linked interviews she says that she “hopes she won’t be a rat much longer” – and that’s an interview she gave before the Season 3 finale had even made it to air, which made me pretty sad to read.  Forget appearing on Angel, imagine if Amy had been de-ratted in Season 4.  Imagine if Superstar was about Amy instead of Jonathan.

There is a second or two in Season 6’s Smashed – no more than that – when Buffy and Amy are catching up again (“How have you been?”  “Rat.  You?”  “Dead.”  “Oh.”) and you can, if you’re quick, delude yourself into thinking that the show is going to do something interesting with the obvious parallel it’s just set up. Willow has now not only brought Buffy back into the regular human world [and left her struggling to live and find meaning as a college drop out with a dead mother and an absent father last seen on screen about five years ago], she’s also brought Amy back into the regular human world [and left her struggling to live and find meaning as a de facto high school drop out with a presumed-dead mother and a presumably-now-absent father last mentioned about five years ago].  Surely this must be deliberate?  Well, no: the show doesn’t do anything with this idea ever again, because Marti Noxon had very different [worse] ideas for Amy’s character this season, but if you pretend it might be about do something like that it’s a pretty exciting couple of seconds.

The fact that “Amy Madison” exists as a (technically!) canon character means that I can write (or daydream about writing) fanfiction in which Willow has a friend in high school who is also a practising witch. One with a vague but miserable home life, who is secretly in love with Willow but too afraid to admit it (and so she keeps professing to be interested in men who she can’t possibly ever expect to date, either because they’re unpleasantly vile toward women or openly gay or both). And I can do that while, just about, pretending that I have not created the most embarrasingly psychologically revealing OC you ever heard about in your life.  Thanks Amy!

[jakeperalta]

spent weeks psyching myself up to stand up to my mum and then immediately got shot down by her 😃👍

[runawaymarbles]

the eternal struggle between “don’t say something about someone’s family member that might come back to bite you if they reconcile or might make your friend look bad in divorce court” and “agreeing with a teenage friend that she’s 100% right, her father is an emotionally immature piece of shit who makes me want to commit violence, and is in fact the only person I’ve ever met who I feel genuine hatred for and i hope she spits in his drink while she has covid”

[mydr3aminvi0let]

i wear a lot of skirts and pink and whatnot as my style has developed with me & my personality but when one of those age regression girlies latch onto me....i do not like that