#when i do it i mean idc what other people do
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boo-b1tchcraft · 8 hours ago
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Fullmetal Alchemist Headcannons:
a few headcannons i’ve been thinking of lately, mostly post-series, lots of royai of course hehe
I feel like a lot of the FMA characters are hard of hearing just because of the amount of explosions and gunshots they have to listen to constantly. I like to imagine Roy Mustang and Riza Hawkeye eventually being able to settle down and live a happy domestic life while keeping their careers idc. So if they lived together they’d have to try not to shout across the home at one another to talk.
Post-series Izumi and Sig insist on having Ed and Al over for dinner with their families at least once a month when they’re not off too far away.
When their kids get older Ed encourages them to be like Winry. He knows he’s smart but he knows that she’s a different kind of smart. He hopes they’ll pick up her talents in order to help people like she does. That doesn’t mean he’s entirely against having a bunch of mini Edwards running around lol.
When Al first met Mustang and Hawkeye, he kind of just assumed they were married or something, the way they flowed together. He was a little disappointed to know that they weren’t but he understood why, with fraternization laws and everything. Al’s a bit of a romantic.
I saw @doctormichaelaquinn on here say that Ed knows the Colonel and Lieutenant had feelings for each other but just assumed Roy Mustang was too dumb to do anything about it and I feel like that’s accurate lol.
Of course Roy and Riza trusted Ed and Al enough to tell them, or rather soft launch when they finally made it official. I’d imagine Riza would invite them over for a visit when they’re in the area. Roy Mustang would be over at her place because of course he would. The boys would come over and kinda just be like “General?”. But of course they know that Hawkeye and Mustang are hardly ever apart so they wouldn’t think too much of it. Then Riza would be in the kitchen making food and Roy would help. The boys are sitting at the kitchen table and happen to see Mustang hug her from behind while looking over her shoulder at what she’s preparing. Ed and Al give each other a look. When Hawkeye leans in and gives Mustang a peck on the cheek, the boys give each other another knowing look. Ed was relieved to know that Roy wasn’t just being a creep. “Finally,”they both think.
We all know Roy Mustang is a flirt. Sometimes when they’re alone, Riza lets herself fall for it. Only sometimes though! At least that’s what she tells herself.
Roy knows Riza would do whatever he asks of her, and she has, so post-series he tries his best not to ask too much of her unless completely necessary. Not that he didn’t care about that beforehand, but after all they’d been through, he hates to see her overexert herself and the last thing he’d want is to see her in any kind of pain ever again. When they’re at home, Roy dotes on Riza but he tries not to make it obvious. She sees right through him. How could she not? She secretly loves it but doesn’t believe she deserves it. Roy wants her to feel like she does.
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elisedonut · 1 month ago
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Camboy!Perclin Au??
is this anything??
My first thought was Colin being one in a otherwise normal verse and it just being something Percy comes across one day because Penny finally convinced him to get a computer and he just doesn't recognize him at all
but the opposite also sounds fun just need more of a push for Percy to do it
you know gap moe and all that
he doesn't seem like the type and that makes it more enticing plus it would make sense for him to hide his face which gives more room for fun like having them interact without realizing
but it also has the added benefit of Colin being easily pulled in later with a photography job or offering his skills Id still want him to just find the site and be his obsessive self first though
watching every night being just a little creepy
probably knowing exactly who he is after a certain point depending on what kind of Colin this is
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deoidesign · 4 months ago
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One of my first digital pieces (2010) versus one of my recent ones (2024)
We all start somewhere!
#picked these cause they're in a similar pose lol. i mean not at all. but sort of... more than my other art at least...#oh fuck im so tired im saving this to drafts and coming back later#my anxiety meds wipe me the fuck out so im trying not to take them in the day#and they're like legit borderline a sleeping med for me. i take one and in 30 mins im OUT.#so I'm. i mean i was already only taking 1-2 in the day and then 2-3 at night#anyways it makes me sad when people say they dont have an artistic bone in their body#and especially when they say they could never draw like me :(#dont put yourself down to lift me up! i don't want my art to be used for you to be mean to yourself!!!#lots of experiences of people comparing themselves to me and being mean to themself...#feels bad. it's okay if you're slow it's okay to be learning it's okay!!!#I'm me and you're you and we're here to learn from each other. i just wanna hang out..#y'know what I'm just gonna post without saying anything i WILL forget I made a draft#i have so many things i intend to post and then forget#it's a wonder I post anything#i only do it when i get bored. and run out of stuff to scroll through#like whelp. guess if i want a post I have to make one myself.#also the second one is really good idc that it's a study i still drew it#art growth#this was in 2010 btw#i started highschool in 2011#I've grown a lot and you can too.#also I've never really been one to dislike my old art. like idk I was trying... if it's bad I just won't look at it whatever#like i wouldn't be mean to someone else who made that so i don't get a free pass to be mean just cause it's to me#man my thoughts are bungled. okay sleep time#if my phone made typos you didn't see it
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xxplastic-cubexx · 30 days ago
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thinkin bout magneto's lil list of aliases from that One Shot of his government file or w/e in 97 and how it lists the three main men who've played him (David Hemblen, Ian McKellen, Michael Fassbender) and kinda cackling at the idea 1.) if they included All his names 2.) having 'michael' on that list twice
#snap chats#'real name magnus' to YOU. maybe to me too idk magnus IS a cute name but not the topic#some people bemoan references to the movies in the comics/cartoons I HOWEVER think theyre always cute when it comes to the xmen...#like in legion of x- i forget who but someone was like 'magneto can do a GREAT gandalf impression just get him drunk first'#like oh im sure im sure he can... [insert rivals tank joke here]#kinda wish they called back to his other VAs or at least earl boen who played him in Pryde of the X-Men but ill live#i just like the shout outs in general..... thats so cute idc i love it when comics/shows do that#also love how david hemblen's name is the only one not fully censored vJELKJVAELKJ#rip king you'll always be iconic for your performance in 92. AND in road to avonlea <- he was in one (1) episode#anyway no please can you imagine how goofy that list would be. and how long#like 'you got two michaels on here you wanna explain' you gotta ask his ex about that one. michael a good name idk what to tell you#'ok so david hemblen ian [redacted] michael [redacted] michael. michael xavier......' loud ass eyebrow raise#ik in the tas verse mags doesnt get the opportunity to 'become' michael xavier but let me have this joke ok. just this one#didnt know charles could see into the future ... it really is so funny that a man named michael would eventually play mags tho#thats so funny .. serendipity or whatever#wait that just reminds me of when he borrows charles' last name for that 2012(? or was it 2011) magneto one shot#he couldnt have been going by michael xavier in that it was well before that time.. was he just going by 'magnus xavier'....#or just Mr. Xavier .. or charles xavier ... funny as hell i love magneto's name shenanigans#james arnold taylor deserves a shoutout. maybe not in tas but just in general WHAT DO YOU MEAN HE PLAYED TIDUS#INFAMOUS LAUGHTER TIDUS THAT ONE ????? range. he also played johnny test but we dont gotta talk about it#that fact alone has made he decide mags has an ugly laugh. like i know the context of the tidus laugh and its sad but ssh#ignore me im just. i love voice actor stuff its always so funny going down the rabbit hole#seriously tho shoutout to mr taylor he's played mags in virtually all his video game appearances. AND lego charles#thats enough outta me ok bye im gonna go
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aquarianlights · 3 months ago
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How do you keep going when it looks like 99% of your country has joined a cult whose soul purpose is hatred of everything you & everyone you know & love are when all you're doing is existing just like everyone else?
#election 2024#election#dystopia#hell country#dystopian timeline#i believe in string theory & i almost have myself convinced that there is a way to jump btw your closest timeline#there has to be#like... a portal that constantly moves#i was thinking about it last night & i began to wonder...#would you auto-switch with the you in that timeline?#would there just be two of you in one timeline?#when you finally jumped all the way to the eutopian timeline... if that's possible in one lifetime... if two of you exist...#does that mean you have to kill your other self & take their place?#would any of the above speculation create any temporal paradoxes? and would that affecr just the timeline you're currently in or all of them#would you have the memories of the you that you killed or would you be going into that life not knowing anything#so people close to you would realize instantly that you were not THEIR you#even though that probably wouldn't be a reality that crossed their mind so idk what they'd think#sometimes i feel like i have shifted into the adjacent timeline#i doubt anyone would notice unless you were specifically looking for the hella subtle changes#i call it reality but to the left#I've only told one person about reality but to the left#since no one reads tags (except me lol) i use them to vent#idc if strangers know#it's rare. it has only happened like 3 times? idk. i just feel like there HAS to be a way to do it... to control it#idk. maybe im crazy lol#ik that's not a part of string theory AND Ik a lot of people don't believe in string theory but if you actually take time to learn about it#it makes logical sense#okay im done lol#donald trump#fuck trump
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wildivyartisan · 1 month ago
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did anyone else notice in arcane s2 finale that Vi was planning to die with Vander? Jinx knew and sacrificed herself because ALL she ever wanted was to help her sister. Jinx could have left, but she didn't. She chose Vi. She put her sister's life above hers. What happened to Vander was jinx's mistake? Jinx knew she was the only one to put him down. She knew vi burdened herself about everything that happened. In the end, jinx took the weight off of her sister's shoulders. The ending wasn't the happiest, but jinx knew exactly what she was doing. I think she knew the outcome.
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Jinx told her not to worry about her and that she would end the cycle. To me, this was such a big leap for jinx.
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And yes, of course Vi still cared about her sister. Vi has always cared. It makes me so mad hearing that Vi didn't. Like come on.
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I absolutely love that powder sacrificed herself for her sister. I don't think anyone realizes the depths of powder's actions. If it helps to pretend that she never really died, then that's great, but for me, that final act was wonderful storytelling. They are not broken. In the end, they are still sisters who just wanted the best for each other.
If you're feeling blue over jinx/powder, go rewatch this ep : ) 💙 💚
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I LOVE that vi's eyes are powder blue 💙 she is living for herself and powder ;u;
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I want the best for her c,: she deserves it ❤️
Also, can we quit this nonsense of older siblings being the protectors and shields in families. I'm so sick of that. Younger and middle children have every right to become the protectors. And I really liked that Jinx took over that responsibility. It's ok to ask for help, and it's ok not to fix everything. Older siblings need to ask for help. It's ok. Noone asked them to be the one to fix everything.
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lemongogo · 1 month ago
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need 2 find myself again in 2025 . tbhwu
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#depression has hollowed me out in2 a shell of my former self#and i thmk i need 2 grit my teeth and just get over It whatever It is#recognizing its no easy task but also knowing i cant keep on like this#and allowing myself to spiral into misery thereby preventing any possible change or growth#sigh …. sogh .. i want 2 be a person again . picture friends circa 2008 outlining me in chalk. i want 2 know theres something there#how u ask (me asking myself)#idk but one way or anotjer . and not in that new yrs resolution fallacy way#anyways . anyways z . crazy how a week off from work will leave u feeling real again#i gotta get out of there . step 1😭🙏🙏#its especially hard when everyone arnd you is objectively doing better. partners finances purpose . >staring in2 the camera 1000 yd stare#u get thru the beast of being a teenager like thank god thats over and then b4 you even catch ur breath#your mid 20s are casting a shadow over u like some menacing thing and u have to gulp and say hes right behind me isnt he#i think people often like to give the advice that youll figure it out but it leaves me feeling so disquieted#bc its like sure im sure i will ive made it this far i can do what i need to get by when the moment matters#but it does nothing to assauge the immediate anxiety and feelings of worthlessness and lack of direction yk#goddmanit assuage i spelled it wrong everyone point and laugh#bc its like what if i dont and i mean that in a very like . existential & not material way . idk what im saying but i think thats the advice#i hate most . not sure if u have felt or do feel the same . -__- like yes oersonal experience sure whatever happens will happen and you will#simply adjust but will i ever feel like its something i want to experience/endure .#whatever anyways x2. im journalling i think that helps me the best rn . and its the one thing thats allowed me hope and i think#having that time to examine and mull over and deconstruct is rly helpful tbh. and i would like to think#over the long term i can repair my creativity and cultivate a new outlet that doesnt leave me feeling empty if i cant draw as i used to#yaar#i feel like i dont write for very long tho thats the one thing that kinda blows#two pages maybe and ive only addressed two maybe three points if im being generous lol i get so bored with the actual motion#when my mind moves 10x as fast . and idc for audio logs either ykwim.#ohh tumblr how i love u . tag system like no other
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metanarrates · 9 months ago
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watched a majora's mask analysis earlier today with my fiancee. my verdict is that I actually really enjoyed the op's interpretations, but that I wished that they talked more about mm's literal level and what one can get from it, rather than talking about those events as if they are strictly metaphor. yes, of course the metaphorical layer of the game is rich to dig into, but it's also such an open-ended and surreal game that it's difficult to nail down every single distinct metaphor that can be derived from its events. which is why I consider it necessary to discuss the way the literal layer presents itself and what sort of motifs and ideas exist there as a baseline before you begin looking at it as metaphor
#narrates#zelda#^ longwinded way of saying that i think that both the impeding inevitability of death#the way the characters react to it#and the question of whether or not termina is even 'real' or can be saved are all intensely interesting aspects of the game#regardless of metaphor. you are existing in a world where you empirically cannot change anything permanently until your very last cycle#and in a world that is potentially not real or is doomed in other ways. but your task is still to help these people and save it#which is interesting even before you get into the symbolic spiritual and metaphorical reads of the game#again thats not to say those reads are bad. i think those reads are what people find the MOST meaningful about mm#most of mm's strength lies in its atmosphere and its ability to convey all these overlapping ideas#its surrealism and the richness of its ideas is what allows for an audience to draw all sorts of meanings out of it#it's just also very meaningful in its LITERAL events and I enjoy that quite a lot!#also... I feel like you heavily have to acknowledge death of the author when dealing with mm#you cannot rely on what you think the author intended. because thats both unclear and does a disservice to the games open endedness#which means that your analysis tends to be far more meaningful when you discuss how IDEAS are embedded in the game#and how you personally constructed meaning out of that#rather than relying on your ability to convince me that your specific read was completely what the devs were thinking#idc about the devs tell me about YOU!#this video was way better than most at doing that but I just prefer mm analysis that is heavier on death of the author#edit: i don't mean you should discount cultural context. thats part of the ideas embedded in ths game#i just mean that I don't like arguments that rely on the idea that the devs INTENDED that cultural context to shape the games metaphors
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medilies · 2 months ago
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Do you ever watch s3 and s4 and realise you're not enjoying it that much
#im kinda in two minds#cause there ARE so many insane details and subtext and all that#and i love reading your guys analyses#but at the same time#actually watching through the eps in s3/4?#they're often tedious#no i dont wanna hear another monologue from the most irritating character in the universe murray bauman#why'd you introduce russians in a massive underground bunker for gods sakes#i thought this was a small intimate story about normal ppl faced with the unknown of the supernatural#not the eye of the cold war storm#any dangerous scene? literally any time they put a character in danger?#idc im not invested praying they'll make it through#cause they always always make it through#even when it seems like they literally died#and what is with the quipiness in the later season?#like all those like marvel lines and interactions and witty one liners and moments where they finish each others sentences would make me#roll my eyes in any other show that i already wasnt invested in#even byler#i love byler with all my heart and i dont doubt they're endgame#but for me even that sweet knowledge is soured by the fact it seems they're trying to cater to every demographic in their massive audience#they turned hopper in this super macho muscle gun man who appeals to people who want a tom cruise show#they're trying to keep both jancy and stancy fans satisfied simultaneously#i dont doubt byler will happen but i just think its going to be very small importance-wise screen-time wise in the midst of everything else#i've sort of had cognitive dissonance cause ive been in this space where everybody praises the shit out of it (i mean duh its a fandom)#and they point out impressive details and links and say stuff like 'the duffers had everything planned from the beginning!'#so i was refusing to acknowledge that i wasnt enjoying actually watching the show as it strayed further from what it had been in s1#sorry guys gotta agree with friendly soace ninja on this one (kinda stupid to put on tags where most ppl do genuinely love the show and pls#ignore these depressing thoughts and continue happily on with your hyperfixation if you do)#stranger things#byler
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todayisafridaynight · 10 months ago
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mine's done a lot of sexy things in my opinion but top five to me still is asking daigo if he wanted to prioritize The Family or one man Not In The Family
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arolesbianism · 19 days ago
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Decided to draw some hypothetical employee id cards for my upper floor team captains <3
#keese draws#oc art#oc#lobotomy corporation#lob corp oc#the id numbers probably aren’t cannot accurate but idc I <3 making shit up#in particular I mostly just wanted something to help me keep track of approximately when I made them during my play through beyond just#the order I made them so the first number basically just represents which day 1 cycle I got them in#which I don’t showcase here very well since most of my captains are from my first run through lol#and by most I mean there’s literally only one of them who isn’t#but yeah I haven’t drawn any of these guys but juliet before so the other three are a smidge wonky#and by that I mostly mean loki who I accidentally made look teeny tiny#he’s like 5’5 he’s not supposed to be built like an atom#anyways these guys are probably the most competent of my team captains even if they’re all shitty bosses in their own ways#juliet has unreasonably high expectations for those who work under her and she has some toxic positivity shit going on#loki is actually low key kind of a chill boss once you’ve proven your worth to him but it takes a Lot to do so#daniel is also toxic positivity but in less of a threatening way and more of a pure plastic way#and maxim is dating a woman who just lovesssss torturing and traumatizing ppl and picking apart their brains <3#maxim unfortunately is kind of winning the worst person of the four award due to that but in my heart that title should be juliet’s#juliet has a Lot of power and Will abuse it to get what she wants#and maxim rarely actually directly harms anyone in any way but she is completely fine with her girlfriend doing so#and by completely fine I mean that’s part of the appeal to her so maxim isn’t beating the allegations 😔#well ok it’s not yuri hurting ppl that adds to maxim’s adorstion for her directly#it’s the fact that yuri can still be passionate about the people around her and what happens to them despite everything#maxim has a lot of self loathing so from her perspective the fact that yuri is able to be so passionate about the suffering of others is#leagues better than the emptiness she feels at the suffering around her#yuri herself also adores maxim and actually does show her legitimate compassion that uh cough. she doesn’t show anyone else.#they may not be doomed toxic yuri but they do doom those around them so they have the spirit#anyways no I don’t have favorite children why do you ask#lobotomy corporation oc
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xoxo-ren-xoxo · 2 months ago
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it's controversial to say this i guess but i genuinely believe last life was the least interesting life series season and youre all lying to me about enjoying it
#im not actually serious you can like last life i just dont get it but slay go off king#i dont think wild life was the best by any means#but ppl constantly be comparing it (and all others) to last life and im like... they arent trying to do the same thing tho?#like. i personally think my fav might be secret life or limlife and those were both pretty gimmick-heavy and quite silly with lots of-#'meaningless' deaths#but like. im not a fucking reddit user? i dont care if people get blown up or break the rules? its rule of cool.#everyone loves last life and *i cant even finish it im so god damn bored*#in the end i dont think it really matters / i dont really care#but calling wild life 'content slop' or low effort is INSANE (yes ive seen ppl doing that) when the CCs put so much fucking work into it#it pisses me off actually#like no it isnt just meaningless content do u know how long those mods take to make??? come on#and being unnecessarily vile towards popular artists for... being popular and enjoying the series they help create? gimme a break#this is vagueing a particular blog but ive seen the same takes several times so idc#anyway the point at hand- last life has the most Drama and Roleplay i guess? thats why people like it i think#but to me its just... there.#third life was so much more compelling to me and was the First to do the Thing so it gets a pass anyway#double life was cool in terms of balancing roleplay gimmick and story but shouldve had two rows of hearts. but its still fun#limlife took everything good about last life and made it 10 x more interesting#secret life fucked hard idc what anyone says#wild life was goofy and fun and crazy and awesome and i loved it even tho i was apprehensive at first#yeah the gimmicks kinda got in the way of Drama and Story but... they werent really aiming for drama and story were they?#except for the fact that JOEL ATE !!!! AND LEFT NO CRUMBS!!!#erm anyway if youre reading this youre awesome#the only thing i would change about the wild life finale would be the snails. cause snail deaths are kind of boring sorry. but i get it.
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I finally saw the mean girls musical (the movie one) I have so many fucking thoughts oh my god
#thoughts#oni talks#mean girls 2024#I think I may be the only person to kind of like it? like don’t get me wrong it is kinda ROUGH but it has so much potential and there’s bits#and pieces that I actually really enjoy or wish they had more of or just aahh#I’ve been nonstop thinking about the ideal version in my head like there’s so much potential obviously I’m biased by like a lot#since for one I know I tend to like stuff other people hate or don’t like but for two this sequel was weirdly way more relatable so maybe#I’m just projecting from my own personal experiences but Idc the POTENTIAL THERES SO MUCH ID WANNA DO INSTEAD#like there’s so many little details and characterizations that I wish was expanded on or fleshed out and it’s just like it feels like either#half baked or that it’s gone through too many edits it’s like it’s scared to exist?? like there’s some differences I love and wish they lol#leaned into but it’s like it was terrified to be too different? or like they were rushing the end especially#like in my ideal form it’s a tv show coz I think they honestly have enough that could be genuinely expanded in a way more interesting way#via that format probably not like a super extended series like you COULD but you’d definitely need more expansion but I could see the potent#but like idk one SOLID musical season with expanded character story and not like one of those rush cram shows like a good solid one#like Regina’s characterization is so fascinating but also feels like slightly off and like they could’ve leaned way more into things?#like I think keeping Regina as a closeted lesbian gives the greatest potential and interest for an expanded story#like I loved maybe the first half of the movie the most like that one song she sang to manipulate Aaron would work so much more perfectly if#she’s singing it about/to Cady? I also think in my ideal brain an cool flashback episode for Janis and Regina would be so cool coz there’s#so much you could flesh out in a flashback than you could in a retelling which while I do like the retelling since it lets you imagine thing#I just! potential! I also want more of them interacting and I do think changing Janis to be a lesbian works if they leaned more into it?#I also think in my ideal form janis would have more comeuppance or acknowledgement of her shit? I also think an arc of Regina coming out#like one thing they missed from the original is Regina playing soccer at the end & I think they could hint more towards that and maybe lean#more into her at home life in an expanded story way coz her mom is clearly like… yikes. granted maybe some of my views on the movie are too#biased by personal experience but like the way she snaps at her mom usually in my experience isn’t out of nowhere? like parents behind#closed doors. or frustrations with what her mom has clearly been putting on her the way she tells her mom not to talk about her body is very#like idk a lot of the characters in this version feel more real to me bc they act really similar to people I know irl so the expanded story#could be cool. another one that in my ideal brain would have more is Gretchen and especially her relationships with Regina as well as with#that one guy and her parents I wanna see more of how that works and her arc to feel more meaningful when she dumps him & mentions family#also as much as I didn’t care much for the straight plot stuff there’s 100% missed potential there that I could see in the differences like#iirc in the original it’s regular algebra not AP calc which I think could’ve been used as an interesting characterization opportunity for
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xxplastic-cubexx · 14 days ago
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In your professional educated psychology opinion. why is cherik Like That
i cannot give a Professional educated psychological opinion until at least may but as far as i can tell queer people cant be normal bout anything so thats why theyre like that
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tariah23 · 3 months ago
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This Latina lady just came up to me complaining about the outcome and how her daughter and son couldn’t even get out of bed and were crying all night- (I was smiling at first and asked her how she was doing and she replied “shitty-“ and started going in- and even though idgaf, I know that sm others so do like I’m not about to laugh in another brown persons face for being emotional even though it is what it is 😭.)
#I care about the kids tho 😭#I know that everyone is emotional but the most important thing to focus on rn is the now#become more involved in your communities#white ppl you need to become a shield for black and brown ppl if you want to participate in community and be an alley#black and brown ppl (i personally don’t believe in solidarity because yall hate black ppl sm and will through us under the bus#at the drop of a hat if it meant you’ll be spared so yeah) need to learn how to work together#and what I mean by this is nbs need to start showing up for black folks and stop playing the what about me bullshit whenever conflict#arises#learn to care about us with your whole hearts not half way only when you want our support as fucking always#I’m not sad or anything since I rly don’t care shit is only gonna get worse or stay the same we’ve lived#under trump before#well just have to do it again but also#Americans need to learn how to sympathize and care about other people regardless of if they are American or not#the amount of liberals we’ve had to witness completely downplay the Gaza genocide simply because they didn’t want to push ppl away from#voting blue is crazy#‘idc if your entire family has been blown away get in that booth and vote blue 🤬!’#like… that’s how yall was talking on here ☠️#crazy as hell#can’t blame niggas and nbs for her losing when her campaign started off like shit from the very beginning#at least black ppl aren’t being blamed this time like every 4 years 🚶🏾‍♀️#actually donate to mfs who need help!!!#I barely saw anybody talk or share and donate to the other genocides going on btw#barely would see anyone post and helps spread awareness for Sudan Congo and the like#let’s change that#be useful be helpful#show up for your brothers and sister#rambling
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widevibratobitch · 10 months ago
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#im so tired of this lalalalalalalalaa#something is Wrong lol#i really need this therapy on wednesday but guess WHAT im not going. im going to a funeral instead 🤡#and ill be singing in that stupid fucking church because have to but i dont fucking wanna i hate doing it and i hate churches#all i feel rn is the overwhelming urge to selfdestruct and like obv im not gonna kms now#but im so fucking angry that im not even *allowed* to do that anymore. like it was such a comfort all this time to know that i can just Quit#and now i cant because guess what someone has to take care of my mother 🫠 and im so fucking tired of being someone people depend on#to handle THEIR feelings and THEIR emotions and just take it all with humility and acceptance and kindness and never snap and bite back#like i dont WANNA hear about your dead husband i dont wanna hear about your stupid fucking boyfriend#i dont wanna hear about the new guy/girl who's hitting on you because you're so hot and perfect#i dont wanna be responsible for how people feel. i should just shut up and take it and be humble and never ask or expect anything back#but when is it MY turn to call at 1 am crying about how im tired and want to kms#or to start expecting shit of people and allow myself to get properly angry at them for not meeting those expectations#or to braggingly 'complain' about something the other person clearly lacks without any consideration for their feelings#or to just openly cry and say deeply personal shit without any filter not caring if that other person is clearly uncomfortable af#because *i* need it right now and i need someone to listen and let them worry about how to even respond to that stuff#im just so tired of people expecting shit of me im tired of being made responsible even tho i clearly cannot handle that responsibility#i wanna be mean i wanna snap and get angry and openly say that i dont give a shit and am tired and cant listen to this rn#but i cant because i have to be a motherfucking mother theresa and never dare to demand something for myself#and idk where that comes from. idk if it's coming from the fanatic catholicism of my childhood or my mother or just from myself and idc#i just feel so horrible and guilty and wrong for wanting anything for myself#and it once again feels like im making myself the victim and the tortured martyr here when i should just shut up and take it#i just wanna lie down and die and not care about who'll get angry or judge or blame me for it im tired and i dont know what to do#i want someone to take care of ME and reassure ME and make ME feel like i matter and that they really will help me if i ever need it#and that they'd be kinda sad if i were gone not because i had a role to fulfill that i failed at by killing myself but because i am a person#<- math calculations flying around my head as i come to the terrible realisation#of just why exactly im so deeply obsessed with my voice teacher (aside from her being literally the most beautiful woman alive lol) 🤡#like babygirl stop being so utterly overwhelmingly kind to me my knees are weak i would do anything for you queen and I MEAN IT
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