#when i do it i mean idc what other people do
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gatorbites-imagines · 22 hours ago
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Hi, can I please get Wally West x trans reader? Maybe something where the reader is feeling dysphoric and he comforts them, and also some dry humping?
Wally West x FTM reader
Headcanons
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Readers vaguely based off of Daredevil, since I like that guy a lot. And the mental image of Wally and his gritty boyfriend is fun to me. Don’t correct me on if keystone city is right, idc.
Nobody could really tell when you and Wally started dating. You just happened to be a vigilante in Keystone city before Wally showed up after being kid flash and all that. His presence really messed up your mojo.
You were the devil incarnate, ready to break as many bones as it took, but you didn’t kill. That didn’t stop you from maiming folk though. Having Wally swoop by to bring people to the hospital and then be back to try and lecture you, really hurt your image.
You were there first though, so there was no way Wally was gonna stop you from doing what you had to do. In the beginning it was kind of like a new tomcat showing up in someone else’s territory.
You didn’t have the speed to be all over the city like Wally, so it was kind of accepted that hed take care of everything else when you were busy. People started begging for Wally to be the one to catch them doing a crime, since you’d break their kneecaps, and then nail them in the head with your billy club.
The relationship between you two was kind of a running joke in the league, especially in the Titans. They all knew that Wally thought you were hot in your own broody, horned way. Someone, probably Garfield, would joke about your suits matching, since you both were red. And yellow, if you wear the yellow and red daredevil suit.
You two were kinda like Batman and Superman, in a way. With you being broody, growly, the night, I am vengeance and will make you suffer the consequences. And Wally being easier going and lighter, full of jokes and hope.
That didn’t mean Wally couldn’t snap and get down and gritty if he needed to. That was probably when you started feeling attracted to him in return, when he couldn’t go easy on somebody who deserved it.
Up until this point you’d have picked up the changes in his pheromones and body heat, as well as his heartrate, which made you understand that he liked you. But it was after you smelled the blood on him and heard his blush rushing through his veins from an almost animalistic adrenaline that you started returning the feelings.
You guys probably date for months, if not a year before the league and the Titans figure it out. Wally would say something about needing to get back to the city since he had to make it in time for your anniversary dinner, and that’s when everyone would figure it out.
The two of you a very much opposites attract. Someone is gonna try to use your relationship with Wally to make you join the league, but he wards them off before you can break tall their teeth for even asking.
You being trans doesn’t matter much to Wally, outside of how it may affect your relationship. And by that I mean, if you for example don’t want him touching your torso or specific areas of your body, what wording to use, helping you with your T injections, so on and so forth.
Hes more perceptive than people think, at least after you guys have been dating a while. Hed start noticing the different signs that point at you feeling dysphoric. Like you going out for longer patrols because being the devil makes you feel more masculine. Or you wearing your binder for too long, if you need one of those.
I don’t think hes just gonna appear and demand answers, instead Wally has tried to figure out overtime what might help. He knows you aren’t the type to just talk about all your feelings and what can be done about it, so Wally would try to find other ways to be supportive and helpful.
You can always tell what he’s doing, since Wally starts going on about how handsome his boyfriend is, how manly you are and smell, how good your muscles look. Even if he’s buffer than you, you better expect him to drool over your muscles.
If you are fine with being touched, Wally would also just cuddle you when you have days where you struggle to look at yourself or even being in your own body. Hes always ready to talk or make changes if he can do anything to help, or just lay in silence if that’s what you need too, even if laying still for a longer time is difficult for a speedster.
Having a speedster boyfriend also means it’s easy to sense it’s him. Having the abilities you do, means you can point out any hero or villain you’ve met before, even in a crowd of a thousand. But the speedster’s connection to the speed force makes them so easy to point out.
It becomes a comfort for you, to feel the buzz that’s seemingly always present around Wally. It’s different around each speedster, but Wally is the most special out of all of them, to you anyways.
Having a speedster boyfriend also means you have access to something very few do, a boyfriend who can vibrate and who has close to no recovery period. This just means Wally is all over you on days where you are fine with that.
And if its one of those days where you want to get off to deal with dysphoria, you barely have to say anything before he’s on you, or beside you, or behind you.
Dysphoria means you don’t want to be touched skin on skin sometimes, and on days like this, good ol dry humping is just as good as anything else Wally could think up. Hes especially a fan when its him laying down and you on top.
It makes you seem so strong and in charge, even if your eyes can’t meet since well… you cant see like the average person. Wally is just giddy and almost buzzing out of his skin as you guys grind together, his hands shaking where they’re holding your hips.
Your heightened senses let you notice just how much he starts buzzing when he gets close. Other people would never notice until he’s just above to fall over the edge, but you can almost taste how his scent and pheromones start buzzing in the air when he’s turned on.
Hearing his heart race and his blood rushing through his body becomes a turn-on in its own way, just as much as grinding down on him and listening to him moan. Wally is also the type to kiss when you guys grind together, his tongue almost fizzy feeling against your own.
It becomes a lot easier to forget your dysphoria with a boyfriend like Wally, who does everything in his power to distract you from it, especially when he gets to rut against you and moan into your ear or neck. Just watch out for small sparks that might come off him, and that your senses don’t get too overwhelmed thanks to the speed force.
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matheoxs · 2 hours ago
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[THIS IS GONNA BE HARSH
No way you're not assuming things in your favor and expecting your desires please, make it make sense.
I'm going to speak for all bloggers because I know some of them are tired and scared to say it. But don't come to me asking how to manifest, for the love of fucking God, READ READ FUCKING READ.
No way we are going to 2025 and your ass still asking how to manifest this and that.
Assume and let it BE, that's it. What do you want me to tell you? Jump five times and roll or something? There's literally nothing else to do.
Not only that, but those anonymous asking if the Law of assumption is real? Like, until this day, bro, get a fucking grip. Jesus Christ.
You're going post by post trying to find something that will click for you and not even applying it. You're wasting your time. I'm not saying you can't read posts or whatever, but if you're not applying it, then you're wasting your time.
It's annoying, yes it is. When are you going to decide enough is enough? Because me and other bloggers can make posts every single day, but at the end of the day, it's you. It's literally you. It's your choice.
Enough is enough.
we are literally going to 2025, enough is enough. Stop with the bullshit. You know why you don't have your desires right now, you know it, and I don't have to tell you.
Someone can spread a rumor about somebody without proof, and you will believe it.
There have been many times in your life where you assume things without proof. Yes, there have, and you probably don't even remember, and it manifested itself in the 3D.
Why are you waiting for the blogger to come back? Are they your God? Stop the glaze, please. It's getting too far to the point where you see those bloggers bigger than you.
They manifested a big house, so can you?? They're not special, I promise you.
They manifested appearance change, so can you. They manifested being able to shift every time they want, so can you.
You can talk to those bloggers in real life, and you will realize they're just regular people. They're not that special, I'm not that special.
It's really not that serious.
Because of the likes they get on their posts, it makes you think that they're bigger. They're just numbers. Knock it out.
Now, let me get real with y'all. There's no such thing as unrealistic or big desires. You're the one labeling it as unrealistic or big desires.
Do you really think that the 3D says something like, "oh no, I can't reflect that, it's too unrealistic and big"?
Do you really think that the 3D looks at your desires and says that? Think about it for a sec. Now, YOU tell me, do you really think that the 3D thinks that?
Or is it just you labeling them as big and unrealistic? You see how you're always the one who assumes things???
I KNOW, SURPRISINGLY RIGHT? Well, it shouldn't be a surprise to you. You should already know that.
I don’t want ANY ANON coming in my asks asking me dumb ass fucking questions when you can just get your ass to read and try to actually understand
It’s actually really easy to understand if I’m being fr
There’s many bloggers who literally breaks it down in the most EASIEST WAY to understand
So stop with the excuses.
Stop trying to look for motivation especially shifters Omds
Im gonna write another post on this im not done yet call me mean wtv idc it had to be said loa bloggers ARE TIREDD
And I also think that’s why loa is kinda dying.
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elisedonut · 19 hours ago
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Camboy!Perclin Au??
is this anything??
My first thought was Colin being one in a otherwise normal verse and it just being something Percy comes across one day because Penny finally convinced him to get a computer and he just doesn't recognize him at all
but the opposite also sounds fun just need more of a push for Percy to do it
you know gap moe and all that
he doesn't seem like the type and that makes it more enticing plus it would make sense for him to hide his face which gives more room for fun like having them interact without realizing
but it also has the added benefit of Colin being easily pulled in later with a photography job or offering his skills Id still want him to just find the site and be his obsessive self first though
watching every night being just a little creepy
probably knowing exactly who he is after a certain point depending on what kind of Colin this is
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deoidesign · 3 months ago
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One of my first digital pieces (2010) versus one of my recent ones (2024)
We all start somewhere!
#picked these cause they're in a similar pose lol. i mean not at all. but sort of... more than my other art at least...#oh fuck im so tired im saving this to drafts and coming back later#my anxiety meds wipe me the fuck out so im trying not to take them in the day#and they're like legit borderline a sleeping med for me. i take one and in 30 mins im OUT.#so I'm. i mean i was already only taking 1-2 in the day and then 2-3 at night#anyways it makes me sad when people say they dont have an artistic bone in their body#and especially when they say they could never draw like me :(#dont put yourself down to lift me up! i don't want my art to be used for you to be mean to yourself!!!#lots of experiences of people comparing themselves to me and being mean to themself...#feels bad. it's okay if you're slow it's okay to be learning it's okay!!!#I'm me and you're you and we're here to learn from each other. i just wanna hang out..#y'know what I'm just gonna post without saying anything i WILL forget I made a draft#i have so many things i intend to post and then forget#it's a wonder I post anything#i only do it when i get bored. and run out of stuff to scroll through#like whelp. guess if i want a post I have to make one myself.#also the second one is really good idc that it's a study i still drew it#art growth#this was in 2010 btw#i started highschool in 2011#I've grown a lot and you can too.#also I've never really been one to dislike my old art. like idk I was trying... if it's bad I just won't look at it whatever#like i wouldn't be mean to someone else who made that so i don't get a free pass to be mean just cause it's to me#man my thoughts are bungled. okay sleep time#if my phone made typos you didn't see it
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aquarianlights · 2 months ago
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How do you keep going when it looks like 99% of your country has joined a cult whose soul purpose is hatred of everything you & everyone you know & love are when all you're doing is existing just like everyone else?
#election 2024#election#dystopia#hell country#dystopian timeline#i believe in string theory & i almost have myself convinced that there is a way to jump btw your closest timeline#there has to be#like... a portal that constantly moves#i was thinking about it last night & i began to wonder...#would you auto-switch with the you in that timeline?#would there just be two of you in one timeline?#when you finally jumped all the way to the eutopian timeline... if that's possible in one lifetime... if two of you exist...#does that mean you have to kill your other self & take their place?#would any of the above speculation create any temporal paradoxes? and would that affecr just the timeline you're currently in or all of them#would you have the memories of the you that you killed or would you be going into that life not knowing anything#so people close to you would realize instantly that you were not THEIR you#even though that probably wouldn't be a reality that crossed their mind so idk what they'd think#sometimes i feel like i have shifted into the adjacent timeline#i doubt anyone would notice unless you were specifically looking for the hella subtle changes#i call it reality but to the left#I've only told one person about reality but to the left#since no one reads tags (except me lol) i use them to vent#idc if strangers know#it's rare. it has only happened like 3 times? idk. i just feel like there HAS to be a way to do it... to control it#idk. maybe im crazy lol#ik that's not a part of string theory AND Ik a lot of people don't believe in string theory but if you actually take time to learn about it#it makes logical sense#okay im done lol#donald trump#fuck trump
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metanarrates · 8 months ago
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watched a majora's mask analysis earlier today with my fiancee. my verdict is that I actually really enjoyed the op's interpretations, but that I wished that they talked more about mm's literal level and what one can get from it, rather than talking about those events as if they are strictly metaphor. yes, of course the metaphorical layer of the game is rich to dig into, but it's also such an open-ended and surreal game that it's difficult to nail down every single distinct metaphor that can be derived from its events. which is why I consider it necessary to discuss the way the literal layer presents itself and what sort of motifs and ideas exist there as a baseline before you begin looking at it as metaphor
#narrates#zelda#^ longwinded way of saying that i think that both the impeding inevitability of death#the way the characters react to it#and the question of whether or not termina is even 'real' or can be saved are all intensely interesting aspects of the game#regardless of metaphor. you are existing in a world where you empirically cannot change anything permanently until your very last cycle#and in a world that is potentially not real or is doomed in other ways. but your task is still to help these people and save it#which is interesting even before you get into the symbolic spiritual and metaphorical reads of the game#again thats not to say those reads are bad. i think those reads are what people find the MOST meaningful about mm#most of mm's strength lies in its atmosphere and its ability to convey all these overlapping ideas#its surrealism and the richness of its ideas is what allows for an audience to draw all sorts of meanings out of it#it's just also very meaningful in its LITERAL events and I enjoy that quite a lot!#also... I feel like you heavily have to acknowledge death of the author when dealing with mm#you cannot rely on what you think the author intended. because thats both unclear and does a disservice to the games open endedness#which means that your analysis tends to be far more meaningful when you discuss how IDEAS are embedded in the game#and how you personally constructed meaning out of that#rather than relying on your ability to convince me that your specific read was completely what the devs were thinking#idc about the devs tell me about YOU!#this video was way better than most at doing that but I just prefer mm analysis that is heavier on death of the author#edit: i don't mean you should discount cultural context. thats part of the ideas embedded in ths game#i just mean that I don't like arguments that rely on the idea that the devs INTENDED that cultural context to shape the games metaphors
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medilies · 26 days ago
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Do you ever watch s3 and s4 and realise you're not enjoying it that much
#im kinda in two minds#cause there ARE so many insane details and subtext and all that#and i love reading your guys analyses#but at the same time#actually watching through the eps in s3/4?#they're often tedious#no i dont wanna hear another monologue from the most irritating character in the universe murray bauman#why'd you introduce russians in a massive underground bunker for gods sakes#i thought this was a small intimate story about normal ppl faced with the unknown of the supernatural#not the eye of the cold war storm#any dangerous scene? literally any time they put a character in danger?#idc im not invested praying they'll make it through#cause they always always make it through#even when it seems like they literally died#and what is with the quipiness in the later season?#like all those like marvel lines and interactions and witty one liners and moments where they finish each others sentences would make me#roll my eyes in any other show that i already wasnt invested in#even byler#i love byler with all my heart and i dont doubt they're endgame#but for me even that sweet knowledge is soured by the fact it seems they're trying to cater to every demographic in their massive audience#they turned hopper in this super macho muscle gun man who appeals to people who want a tom cruise show#they're trying to keep both jancy and stancy fans satisfied simultaneously#i dont doubt byler will happen but i just think its going to be very small importance-wise screen-time wise in the midst of everything else#i've sort of had cognitive dissonance cause ive been in this space where everybody praises the shit out of it (i mean duh its a fandom)#and they point out impressive details and links and say stuff like 'the duffers had everything planned from the beginning!'#so i was refusing to acknowledge that i wasnt enjoying actually watching the show as it strayed further from what it had been in s1#sorry guys gotta agree with friendly soace ninja on this one (kinda stupid to put on tags where most ppl do genuinely love the show and pls#ignore these depressing thoughts and continue happily on with your hyperfixation if you do)#stranger things#byler
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todayisafridaynight · 8 months ago
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mine's done a lot of sexy things in my opinion but top five to me still is asking daigo if he wanted to prioritize The Family or one man Not In The Family
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xoxo-ren-xoxo · 17 days ago
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it's controversial to say this i guess but i genuinely believe last life was the least interesting life series season and youre all lying to me about enjoying it
#im not actually serious you can like last life i just dont get it but slay go off king#i dont think wild life was the best by any means#but ppl constantly be comparing it (and all others) to last life and im like... they arent trying to do the same thing tho?#like. i personally think my fav might be secret life or limlife and those were both pretty gimmick-heavy and quite silly with lots of-#'meaningless' deaths#but like. im not a fucking reddit user? i dont care if people get blown up or break the rules? its rule of cool.#everyone loves last life and *i cant even finish it im so god damn bored*#in the end i dont think it really matters / i dont really care#but calling wild life 'content slop' or low effort is INSANE (yes ive seen ppl doing that) when the CCs put so much fucking work into it#it pisses me off actually#like no it isnt just meaningless content do u know how long those mods take to make??? come on#and being unnecessarily vile towards popular artists for... being popular and enjoying the series they help create? gimme a break#this is vagueing a particular blog but ive seen the same takes several times so idc#anyway the point at hand- last life has the most Drama and Roleplay i guess? thats why people like it i think#but to me its just... there.#third life was so much more compelling to me and was the First to do the Thing so it gets a pass anyway#double life was cool in terms of balancing roleplay gimmick and story but shouldve had two rows of hearts. but its still fun#limlife took everything good about last life and made it 10 x more interesting#secret life fucked hard idc what anyone says#wild life was goofy and fun and crazy and awesome and i loved it even tho i was apprehensive at first#yeah the gimmicks kinda got in the way of Drama and Story but... they werent really aiming for drama and story were they?#except for the fact that JOEL ATE !!!! AND LEFT NO CRUMBS!!!#erm anyway if youre reading this youre awesome#the only thing i would change about the wild life finale would be the snails. cause snail deaths are kind of boring sorry. but i get it.
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I finally saw the mean girls musical (the movie one) I have so many fucking thoughts oh my god
#thoughts#oni talks#mean girls 2024#I think I may be the only person to kind of like it? like don’t get me wrong it is kinda ROUGH but it has so much potential and there’s bits#and pieces that I actually really enjoy or wish they had more of or just aahh#I’ve been nonstop thinking about the ideal version in my head like there’s so much potential obviously I’m biased by like a lot#since for one I know I tend to like stuff other people hate or don’t like but for two this sequel was weirdly way more relatable so maybe#I’m just projecting from my own personal experiences but Idc the POTENTIAL THERES SO MUCH ID WANNA DO INSTEAD#like there’s so many little details and characterizations that I wish was expanded on or fleshed out and it’s just like it feels like either#half baked or that it’s gone through too many edits it’s like it’s scared to exist?? like there’s some differences I love and wish they lol#leaned into but it’s like it was terrified to be too different? or like they were rushing the end especially#like in my ideal form it’s a tv show coz I think they honestly have enough that could be genuinely expanded in a way more interesting way#via that format probably not like a super extended series like you COULD but you’d definitely need more expansion but I could see the potent#but like idk one SOLID musical season with expanded character story and not like one of those rush cram shows like a good solid one#like Regina’s characterization is so fascinating but also feels like slightly off and like they could’ve leaned way more into things?#like I think keeping Regina as a closeted lesbian gives the greatest potential and interest for an expanded story#like I loved maybe the first half of the movie the most like that one song she sang to manipulate Aaron would work so much more perfectly if#she’s singing it about/to Cady? I also think in my ideal brain an cool flashback episode for Janis and Regina would be so cool coz there’s#so much you could flesh out in a flashback than you could in a retelling which while I do like the retelling since it lets you imagine thing#I just! potential! I also want more of them interacting and I do think changing Janis to be a lesbian works if they leaned more into it?#I also think in my ideal form janis would have more comeuppance or acknowledgement of her shit? I also think an arc of Regina coming out#like one thing they missed from the original is Regina playing soccer at the end & I think they could hint more towards that and maybe lean#more into her at home life in an expanded story way coz her mom is clearly like… yikes. granted maybe some of my views on the movie are too#biased by personal experience but like the way she snaps at her mom usually in my experience isn’t out of nowhere? like parents behind#closed doors. or frustrations with what her mom has clearly been putting on her the way she tells her mom not to talk about her body is very#like idk a lot of the characters in this version feel more real to me bc they act really similar to people I know irl so the expanded story#could be cool. another one that in my ideal brain would have more is Gretchen and especially her relationships with Regina as well as with#that one guy and her parents I wanna see more of how that works and her arc to feel more meaningful when she dumps him & mentions family#also as much as I didn’t care much for the straight plot stuff there’s 100% missed potential there that I could see in the differences like#iirc in the original it’s regular algebra not AP calc which I think could’ve been used as an interesting characterization opportunity for
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tariah23 · 2 months ago
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This Latina lady just came up to me complaining about the outcome and how her daughter and son couldn’t even get out of bed and were crying all night- (I was smiling at first and asked her how she was doing and she replied “shitty-“ and started going in- and even though idgaf, I know that sm others so do like I’m not about to laugh in another brown persons face for being emotional even though it is what it is 😭.)
#I care about the kids tho 😭#I know that everyone is emotional but the most important thing to focus on rn is the now#become more involved in your communities#white ppl you need to become a shield for black and brown ppl if you want to participate in community and be an alley#black and brown ppl (i personally don’t believe in solidarity because yall hate black ppl sm and will through us under the bus#at the drop of a hat if it meant you’ll be spared so yeah) need to learn how to work together#and what I mean by this is nbs need to start showing up for black folks and stop playing the what about me bullshit whenever conflict#arises#learn to care about us with your whole hearts not half way only when you want our support as fucking always#I’m not sad or anything since I rly don’t care shit is only gonna get worse or stay the same we’ve lived#under trump before#well just have to do it again but also#Americans need to learn how to sympathize and care about other people regardless of if they are American or not#the amount of liberals we’ve had to witness completely downplay the Gaza genocide simply because they didn’t want to push ppl away from#voting blue is crazy#‘idc if your entire family has been blown away get in that booth and vote blue 🤬!’#like… that’s how yall was talking on here ☠️#crazy as hell#can’t blame niggas and nbs for her losing when her campaign started off like shit from the very beginning#at least black ppl aren’t being blamed this time like every 4 years 🚶🏾‍♀️#actually donate to mfs who need help!!!#I barely saw anybody talk or share and donate to the other genocides going on btw#barely would see anyone post and helps spread awareness for Sudan Congo and the like#let’s change that#be useful be helpful#show up for your brothers and sister#rambling
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derpinette · 1 year ago
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too many males getting veneers when really they should be investing in hair transplants if anything
#you can clearly afford it & you are going to turkey for it anyway#& do NOT cheap out replace that whole scalp you never know how ruthless norwood is going to be on you else you get The Hair Band#just do it in one surgery#i advocate for teeth crookedness anyway i wish i could just yank out my braces to push my canines into yaeba i especially like#that thing people have where they teeth grow atop of others my cousin had that but the dentist just REMOVED them instead of realigning...#really makes me wish death on aesthetic dentistry STOP that madness.#i sincerely believe that teeth hold so much character & it genuinely pains me to see people get them replaced with chiclet piano keys#all straight & uniform uber white colored YUCK#honestly having thin hair as a male is a sign of genetic failure whereas misaligned teeth is not#at least you can fix that with braces that you will later take off ( when will it be my turn to... ) nothing added All You#it really sickens me to see just goes to show poor decision making skills. thin hair is infinitely more humiliating than “ugly” teeth#but there are situations where better teeth aremore of an improvement TBH if a man wants to self harm for looks go ahead IDC but ♯JustSayin#i wish you could have seen it but one time a classmate came to class to let our teacher know that he was leaving in the seventh grade#& she was like Erm why what excuse could you possibly have & he uncovered his mouth to reveal several of his teeth broken & missing#turns out he had them knocked out by an upperclassman who pushed him onto a pole while playing a game#i still laugh out loud whenever i remember it was so absurd literally the last thing i expected it was like a tom & jerry gag IRL#he was crazy rich so thankfully he got them all replaced like immediately but imagine being anyone in that situation. even the mom#i mean i felt bad for him that must have been so painful but i cannot help but burst into laughter whenever i remember
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widevibratobitch · 9 months ago
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#im so tired of this lalalalalalalalaa#something is Wrong lol#i really need this therapy on wednesday but guess WHAT im not going. im going to a funeral instead 🤡#and ill be singing in that stupid fucking church because have to but i dont fucking wanna i hate doing it and i hate churches#all i feel rn is the overwhelming urge to selfdestruct and like obv im not gonna kms now#but im so fucking angry that im not even *allowed* to do that anymore. like it was such a comfort all this time to know that i can just Quit#and now i cant because guess what someone has to take care of my mother 🫠 and im so fucking tired of being someone people depend on#to handle THEIR feelings and THEIR emotions and just take it all with humility and acceptance and kindness and never snap and bite back#like i dont WANNA hear about your dead husband i dont wanna hear about your stupid fucking boyfriend#i dont wanna hear about the new guy/girl who's hitting on you because you're so hot and perfect#i dont wanna be responsible for how people feel. i should just shut up and take it and be humble and never ask or expect anything back#but when is it MY turn to call at 1 am crying about how im tired and want to kms#or to start expecting shit of people and allow myself to get properly angry at them for not meeting those expectations#or to braggingly 'complain' about something the other person clearly lacks without any consideration for their feelings#or to just openly cry and say deeply personal shit without any filter not caring if that other person is clearly uncomfortable af#because *i* need it right now and i need someone to listen and let them worry about how to even respond to that stuff#im just so tired of people expecting shit of me im tired of being made responsible even tho i clearly cannot handle that responsibility#i wanna be mean i wanna snap and get angry and openly say that i dont give a shit and am tired and cant listen to this rn#but i cant because i have to be a motherfucking mother theresa and never dare to demand something for myself#and idk where that comes from. idk if it's coming from the fanatic catholicism of my childhood or my mother or just from myself and idc#i just feel so horrible and guilty and wrong for wanting anything for myself#and it once again feels like im making myself the victim and the tortured martyr here when i should just shut up and take it#i just wanna lie down and die and not care about who'll get angry or judge or blame me for it im tired and i dont know what to do#i want someone to take care of ME and reassure ME and make ME feel like i matter and that they really will help me if i ever need it#and that they'd be kinda sad if i were gone not because i had a role to fulfill that i failed at by killing myself but because i am a person#<- math calculations flying around my head as i come to the terrible realisation#of just why exactly im so deeply obsessed with my voice teacher (aside from her being literally the most beautiful woman alive lol) 🤡#like babygirl stop being so utterly overwhelmingly kind to me my knees are weak i would do anything for you queen and I MEAN IT
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pepprs · 2 years ago
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prefacing this by saying im fine and its whatever and im mostly numb to it. but it kinda fucking sucks that being gaslit about my own sexuality leads to… doubting my own sexuality lol!
#purrs#just went to my first ever lavender graduation ceremony and had a convo w my dad after that touched on the EXACT horrors lol like i need to#learn to not bring this shit up around my parents bc they’re just gonna say the same things. and also it doesn’t matter bc idc about labels#and (to quote ricky) it’s a conversation not a constant. but like fucking hell. just bc ive never ‘’’’’’been with anybody’’’’’’ doesn’t#mean that i can’t know im not straight. the HORRIFIC psychic damage that did to me 5 years ago this month. the way i can’t think about#sexuality or being part of the lgbtq community since and like before then when that happened i thought i was a lesbian and was gonna try to#get involved with the school lgbtq student union . like it’s so ficking stupid and sad. and i can’t trust myself anymore i can’t tell if#anything ive ever felt for anyone is actually real bc according to my (straight and biphobic) parents ‘crushes don’t count’ and i haven’t#even had a crush in months anyway and yeah ive never ‘been with’ anybody. but like god damn. you DO NOT get to tell me i have to call myself#questioning. yeah im questioning but only i can call it that and only if i want to. i get to know me. i get to call me what i am. which also#means i get to work through the years of psychic damage this thread of conversation coming from my own parents has done to me#but i own that. i want to own that. ive had the feelings i have had. maybe they were wrong and misplaced and maybe there are other ways to#interpret them like me jus t having projection issues and whatever. but they were real to me and are real to me and shape how i show up#every single day. i get to know myself. i get to call myself what i am. even though you’re my parents you don’t get to tell me that. and you#should be sorry for how fucked in the head this has made me and how cut off i have become from other people who have felt what i have felt#and from the parts of myself that felt and hurt and loved. like lolllll. i was in a good mood and then that happened and now my heart hurts.#delete later#like i don’t talk abt this shit anymore for a reason 🤪✌️ i am not involved in lgbtq groups or communities online or offline for a reason 🤪✌️#and it’s yet another manifestation of impostor syndrome too like. ppl wonder why im like this…. there is a very good reason 💖
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britneyshakespeare · 1 year ago
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I had a dream a few weeks ago out of the blue that H/san P/ker died and I felt really horrible about it. I am not a fan of the Twitch "socialist" man at all, I actually find him really grating. REALLY grating, he also spouts misinformation and then doesn't correct himself, he calls people he doesn't like "nerds" and "weirdos" like that's helpful, but whatever. I felt bad about how pathetic all the work he left behind was. And like since this is clearly not someone I'm a fan of, I should mention, no, I don't think about him independently much at all and I don't watch his content (if you do I'm not shaming you though). But ever since then whenever I've seen someone mention him on the internet I get a jumpscare like wait didn't he DIE? Oh wait no that was a dream.
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biandanxious18 · 1 year ago
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i just finished good omens season 2 and honestly i feel betrayed. i was really enjoying it but after the last episode or so i think i have never before seen such cheapening of characters and plots and themes and just. everything really.
i feel mocked and laughed at as an spectator. i feel like everything i cherished, everything that was meaningful about this story was thrown away in a way that says i was a fool for ever wanting it, ever caring about it. in a way that says “isn’t this what you wanted? have it your way! it sucks!”
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