#when characters look scary but then are actually really sweet - the reason for my death

[bloominflowers]

The Duke 🐺⛓

[heartsoji]

BOKUTO X READER

tw: death of a dog // angst-ish w/ comfort

"cheer up!"

"you're so strong for not crying! keep it up!"

"it's ok! they're in a better place. you should just be happy for them!"

"just don't think about it!"

those phrases, with some type of wording variation, were words you had heard a little too frequently lately.

3 days ago, your beloved dog had ascended to the clouds, and you had been a wreck internally since.

various people had said some sort of alteration of the above four phrases at least a few dozen times. and while you knew that they were simply trying to offer their comfort without malicious intent, their comments would either aggravate you or further add to your desolation.

you understood that it was scary. it would be scary seeing someone who you'd built up in your mind to be a sweet, bubbly, cheerful person breaking down and breaking character. it would be scary seeing them cease to be the person you once knew and loved. you wouldn't know who they were anymore and you were now desperately trying to keep them in character to preserve the bubbly image of the person in your mind.

you knew that you had to move on. you were a mess inside and you could feel your sadness continue to grow exponentially each and everyday.

however, no one would ever know you were such an internal wreck just by looking at you. you were trying so hard and doing a very good job at keeping up a good front. smile at your peers and teachers. keep your appearance tidy. go out with friends after school.

you, too, were trying to preserve the bubbly image of yourself in your mind.

"good morning, sensei!"

"good morning, l/n."

"yui-chan! good morning!"

"y/n-chan! morning! energetic as usual!"

"ah, bokuto-san! morning!"

"morning! how are you?"

you paused for a tiny fraction of a second. you felt your features trying to twist into a pained expression. you wanted to say, "not well, actually. i've been a wreck since, as the whole school knows for whatever reason, my dog passed recently." you wanted to cry. you wanted to go home. you wanted to scream. you wanted for your best friend to come back.

but you refused to let any of your thoughts show. pushing past it with a perhaps overly wide and possibly fake-looking smile, you replied, "great! i got a lot of sleep last night. how about you?"

bokuto, too, paused for a second. but not because he had to think about how he was doing, but because he saw the perhaps millisecond of hesitation. because he saw the slight crack in your cheerful facade. because he saw the way you tried to cover it up with an extra burst of cheer. because he saw it. because he saw you.

he chose not to comment on it, but made a mental note of it. "really good! i studied real hard last night, and i'm sure im gonna pass the math test today!"

"that's great!" you replied. "good luck!" and with that, you moved on with your day.

later, when you went outside, you realized that it was raining, and that you'd have to walk home in the pouring rain. you really didn't feel like getting wet today, so you chose to wait it out. the forecast said that it would take a mere 45 minutes, anyways.

two hours later, and you were still scrolling on your phone, waiting for the heavy rain to pass.

you sighed and set down your phone, bored. you had heard before that rain symbolized rebirth. perhaps right now, your beloved pup was getting reborn into a different body. you wondered if they were getting treated well in a nice home. if they had a warm bed and healthy meals. if they were doing well without you.

suddenly, you felt the drip-drip-dripping of not the rain from the sky on your legs, but the rain from your eyes instead. you had been so bottled up lately, and you could suddenly feel the cap pop off and all the emotion rushing out. you had been trying so hard to make it seem like everything was ok, when it reality, it wasn't. your best friend suddenly wasn't here anymore, and you felt more alone than ever. you had spent so much time and effort trying to be happy, but it wasn't working in the slightest, and you felt awful and incompetent for it. sobs wracked your body as you cried and grieved for your lost best friend. however, even in these moments, where you were obviously breaking down and having a much-needed cry, you were thinking to yourself, "why are you crying? keep up a smile! this is no time to be wallowing in pity. smile. smile. smile."

suddenly, you felt a gentle hand on your back. you turned around to see bokuto, setting his stuff down and coming to sit next to you.

"b-bokuto-san? oh my gosh, i'm so sorry. uhm, i actually, uh, stubbed my toe and it really hurt, so that's why i'm crying. gosh, i probably look like such a mess." you blabbered lamely.

"you know," he started, "if there's something bothering you, you can feel free to let me know. i'm a pretty good listener!"

you wiped your face quickly. "oh, don't worry. seriously, there's nothing wrong."

bokuto paused for a moment. "sorry if this is invading your privacy, but, well, i heard your dog died recently."

you're not quite sure why that was what set you off, but it did. like an old dam breaking down, a flood was released from your eyes as you let out loud, somewhat embarrassing sobs.

bokuto calmly rubbed your back with his large hand. "wanna talk about it?" he asked in a sort of soothing tone.

you weren't usually the type to complain or dramatize your situation in fear of burdening others with your problems. you had developed the habit of bottling up in order to not do so, and you thought that you'd been doing a good job at suppressing your emotions and pretending like everything's fine when it isn't. however, something about bokuto, whether it be the way he asked, his voice, the situation, whatever, tore down the walls you had built over the years. suddenly, you found yourself venting and bawling like a baby to a classmate you had never had a real conversation with. it was a bit embarrassing, humiliatingly vulnerable, but apparently much needed.

"and, well," you said in between your sobs, "everyone's been telling me to just be happy! and to not think about it! but sometimes, i don't know, i just really, really, really, want to cry and scream like a baby. i'm so tired of being the cheerful yet mature, infallible, reliable, therapist character! i just sometimes wish that i could lean on somebody, even if only for a few moments, even though that's also my worst nightmare. i hate that i don't even understand what im feeling! i hate it! i hate it!" you cried into him.

bokuto let you cry silently for a minute before starting with, "sometimes, i get into moods when im playing volleyball where i'm grumpy, annoyed, and frankly, useless." he chuckled a little before continuing, "my teammates call it 'bokuto's emo mode.'" his facial expression saddens a bit before saying, "they always tell me to snap out of it and to cheer up, but i don't think that they understand that sometimes, i just want to be sad."

you felt your heart pang a little. honestly, you couldn’t believe that a guy whom you’d never exchanged more than a brief set of hellos with seemed to understand your feelings better than your lifelong friends. “i just want to be sad,” huh? that indeed did feel accurate. you wanted to cry and sob for nights without end, but had never allowed yourself to before. it felt too vulnerable and dramatic to cry and feel sad about it.

you thought for a moment. “yeah,” you replied simply, not because you didn’t know what to say, or you didn’t agree, but actually, because you agreed entirely. bottling things up had always made things worse, whereas crying to bokuto felt therapeutic and relaxing. “honestly, this whole talk thing’s making me feel a lot better.

“im glad.” bokuto smiled warmly. “ill always be here if you ever need to talk again.”

and he kept that promise to be there, but not just for talking. he continued to be there for your highest and lowest moments, for your anger and resentment, for your sadness and angst, for your fear and disgust, for your bliss and joy.

he’d be there for your ongoing battle with depression, for your growth in talking about your problems instead of bottling it up, and for your 3am cravings.

he’d also be there for the first time you’d accepted a confession, which, coincidentally, happened to be from a guy named bokuto.

[hiskillingjar]

Hiiii I've been really dwelling on ur reasons that Law is transfem bc of her feminine horror personality aspects and I wanted to know if u had any media recs u think r similar to her. I love ur videos and writing so much thank uuuuuu!!!!!!!<3333

ooo good question! (and thank you for watching my vids <3)

where law is a little tougher than strade in terms of character, i have actually made a little chart of characters that i often use for inspo when i write her ^_^

top left is val from outlast 2; a horror game i don't really like but LOVE HER. she was once a deacon for a church, turned leader of a violent sex cult trying to birth the anti-christ <3 she gets turned on by death, writes about 'getting wet' to killing children, rapes the MC, i looooove her and i lean into her more...uninhibited traits when writing the more deranged parts of law's psyche.

top right is ethel cain, more broadly her album, preacher's daughter. she's a trans woman who creates maybe the best music of all time? that examines themes like love, death, violence, religion, etc. she kind of embodies that vulnerability-capable-of-violence, liminal sort of character that i like so much about law, so she's a big inspo too :) her song family tree is on my law playlist for obvious reasons:

bottom left is norman bates from psycho, THE sensitive soft boy to transfem killer pipeline of all time. norman runs a motel and looks after his overattentive mother but um. gets a little flustered when faced with a regular-degular woman and (spoiler) goes into a disassociative state and dresses in drag to kill her in the shower. as much cultural baggage as this movie has, i love it, and norman is soooo law coded, does taxidermy, soft spoken, veryyyyyy hot and sexy

and bottom right is harold smith from twin peaks, a series that i'd really recommend in this space of liminal, harmless and weird to dangerous and scary that law embodies. harold is a shy recluse who studies plants (where have i heard that before) who was a confidant for the Dead Girl, laura palmer. you don't see much of him but he displays some pretty erratic behaviour, going from soft-spoken and sweet to firm and near-violent in an instant. very law coded.

there aren't many movies that examine transfemininity in a way that's. uh. not disgusting? but as i recommended, i saw the tv glow does some really interesting things by examining the liminal nature (and the horror of liminality) of transition. i also recommend reading gothic lit (specifically rebecca and the yellow wallpaper for law) because i think those specific renditions of gothic femininity are pretty universal, whether you're trans or cis

[softzhongli]

summary: and after all is said and done the only thing left is the cryo vision he wore everyday or where kaeya died and zhongli can't stop thinking about him word count: 1055 warnings: major character death, angst, angst and more angst links: masterlist // ao3 requests: open ☑ posted: 21/02/2023 a/n: i wanted to post another chapter of for show today but i've been feeling down the whole day and the idea for this little thing popped up in my mind and well... i've never written zhongkae so i just had to write this and somehow get those feeling out of me so yeah, enjoy?

"Have you ever been to Inazuma?" You asked me once. With voice so smooth and sweet I could listen to you talk for the rest of my life and never grow tired of it. It was amusing how you kept saying you loved my voice but I was certain it was nothing compared to yours. But I could never win with you so I smiled and thanked you for the compliment every time.

"Once. Quite a long time ago, yes." I answered the question. I haven't even noticed at the time but somehow it's seared into my memory now. How my hand was playing with your hair. Twirling the blue strands between my fingers as I was answering every question you thought of. Why is it that I can remember me sitting on our bed with your back against my chest, our hand intertwined but with every day it's harder to remember your smell?

"Mh. I'm a little jealous." You chuckled lightly and I know my heart skipped a bit. I'm sure of it because it happened without fail whenever I heard your laughter. Truly a music to my ears. And I never wanted to be selfish but it felt even more meaningful when you laughed with me or even at me, I did not mind at all. I would forgive you instantly just because of that smile. "I always wanted to go. But there was never enough time or someone to go with." You continued. There still was a smile on your beautiful face but I never could admire this one. It was not how you truly smiled. This one was trained, fabricated... created by years of hiding your true self, of fearing the reaction of those around you. "Why don't we go together sometime, huh?"

"I would be happy to." I knew you asked in a joking manner. You never liked making long term plans. But there was no hesitation. Not in my mind nor in my voice when I answered. I'm not sure you knew that, maybe I've never actually told you but if you asked me I would give you the whole world or I would die trying. This I'm certain you had no idea about because I didn't want to say out loud, fearing you'd think it's too much but I've always put you before everyone else, even myself. You were my priority. It was that simple.

"Wait, really?" I would've taken you there in that very moment with the way your eyes shined when you turned around to face me. I loved feeling your body against me but looking you directly in your eyes, being able to hold your face in my hands? I don't think there's anything in this world that could come close.

"Of course, my love." I smiled at you, as my thumbs caressed your skin. I still cherish the way you always leaned in into my touch. The smile on your face would widen and you'd kiss the inside of my palm. "I love you." I have no idea why but I remember how hard it was for me to not shed a tear in that moment. The realization how much I love you crushed into me like a wave. It was unexpected. It was sudden. It was so unbelievably scary. Because in that very moment I realized I didn't know if I was able to live a life where there is no you.

"I love you, too. I always will."

Oh how cruel life truly is. But maybe it was a punishment, losing you. For all the atrocious deeds I committed in the past. Maybe I'm to never know true peace and happiness. Maybe I do not deserve the kind of love you were giving me. Maybe.

Even so, I can never forgive the Celestia for taking you away. And I can never forgive myself for being the reason you're gone. I know you'd say I'm stupid and it's not my fault. But you're not here. You're somewhere far away from me. Somewhere I can't see you, can't touch you, can't love you.

"Do you know what a cryo vision symbolizes?" You asked me once, when we were having breakfast together. Of course I've heard what people said. But a vision can mean different things to different people so instead of answering your question I asked you back, what does the cryo vision mean. "Pain and suffering." Was what you said to me and I was taken aback. Although I knew the circumstances in which you obtained yours I wouldn't have guessed that was what you associated it with. I just assumed it would be more of a blessing instead of a curse. I wanted to ask more but no matter how intrigued I was you swiftly changed the topic of our conversation and I knew that was you saying you did not wish to talk about it any further. So I let it go.

And now I know. As I fall to my knees on this beautiful field in Inazuma, full of flowers I'm sure you'd love. With your lifeless cryo vision which you once wore every day, clutched in my hand. As the rain falls down on me as if to say 'This is not how it's supposed to be.' I know.

I know but I wish I was still blissfully unaware of the answers. I wish I was back in our bed with your face in my hands, with you smiling at me, looking at me with so much love it sometime took my breath away.

I wish I never had to come to Inazuma because this was the last thing you asked me to do when life was slipping out of you while you were bleeding out in my arms because I failed to shield you in time.

I whished you never asked me what a cryo vision means. Because I know you were right. Pain and suffering was the right answer. But it's no longer your pain and suffering to bear. Now I will suffer the pain of letting you down, the pain of failing the only person I never wanted to fail. The pain of never seeing you again.

All that I have left of you is my memories of you and cryo vision I have to bear.

[whatyourusherthinks]

The Strangers: Chapter 1 Review

I didn't want to watch this movie. I already don't really like slashers, but goddamn did this premise look fucking stupid. "They don't need a reason" just sounds like the writers are bragging about not finishing the script. I almost skipped it using my 'No Sequels, No Prequels' rule, but not only do I think I'm going to eject that rule from this challenge entirely, but it doesn't apply to reboots. Which this is. I haven't seen The Strangers movie from 2008, by the way. And if it's anything like this movie I won't watch it ever, but I spoil my conclusion. Let's get to the review.

What's The Movie About?

Two lovers get stranded in the woods, and they tormented by three masked killers.

What I Like.

There's a scene where the two leads have a heart-to-heart and a couple little moments where they have actual concern for each other and it was very sweet. This movie is also the first time I've heard the song Nights In White Satin by The Moody Blues, and I enjoy that song. I did get a kick at listing every innocuous thing the couple did being the reason that they were going to be killed, and I thought the proposal scene at the end was funny. Both of those things were not intentional on the part of the filmmakers, true, but I'll give the movie credit for it anyway because it's not getting a lot otherwise.

What I Didn't Like.

This movie is not only a checklist of things I don't like about slasher movies, but it also has a cadre of interesting new problems that make it a real slog to watch. I'm gonna split this section into two parts, so let's. Get! CRACKIN'!

First, what I don't like about slashers. I don't think they are scary. At all. I get the idea of a man in a mask with a knife is much more realistic than a ghost or monster, but not only do I think a threat that you can't quite comprehend because it wasn't even believed to EXIST until a few seconds ago is more scary than said man in mask, but it's also more interesting. Plus half the time these movies want us to sympathize with the killer, or at least be happy when the butcher up the ANNOYING AS HELL CHARACTERS. Yes, of course I'm happy to see an annoying character get killed. But I so much would prefer to have enjoyable to watch personalities try to solve a situation, and get sad then they fail and inevitably die. It also doesn't help that all the character are stupid in slashers movies. It's hard to feel sympathy when some dies if it's entirely their own fault. (Also, a lot of slasher have bizarrely puritan ethics. The joke that if you have sex in a horror movie you'll be the first to die is well known, but it also extends to smoking marijuana and the most grievous sin of not being white. Either way, you commit one "sin" and you're next to be on Chuck the Choppin' Man's chopping block. It's really fucked if you think about actually.) And if I don't feel sympathy for the victim of a murder, I don't get scared in the slightest. This, in my opinion, is the biggest way a horror movie can fail. It's not a death knell, I have recommended horror movies that I thought weren't scary. But I always recommend it on the creativity of the film, and/or the fun/spectacle of the violence. And well...

The Strangers fails itself beyond my issue with slashers, mostly because it lack some very important aspects. The first thing it lacks is fun or interesting violence. There are two main, non-killer (kind of) characters. So they are not going to get picked off one by one. Even when they eventually do get killed, it's by a stab to the gut. You know, the most boring way to get murdered. The film is rated R too, so I don't know why they are so coy with the gore. The masked killers of the film spend most of the time just messing around, which leads me to the next thing this movie lacks, any semblance of character intelligence. It's not just the victims in the Strangers, everyone is really fucking dumb. There are several moments where the killers have a perfect opportunity to kill one or both of the victims, but instead just decide to stare at them. Or the camera will pan past something and they're gone. Just like Batman oOoOoOoOh~. "Roan, clearly the killers are trying to mess with their victims. It's probably part of their motivation." Well Buggnutz, not only does half of the 'messing with their victims' go completely unnoticed by said victims, but you just hit the final and biggest aspect that this film is lacking. The Strangers: Chapter 1 lacks context, specifically about the killers. They purposefully did not give the killers any motivation. What they were trying to go for was invoking the horror of random crimes, the (please read the following two words with the thickest sarcasm imaginable) incredibly classy intro makes that clear. But here's the thing. Random violent crimes still have a motive behind them. Sometimes it's an accident, sometimes it's an addition to a robbery, and sometimes it's just because the perpetrator has a mental illness, but it's still a motive. Additionally, fiction has different rules than reality. When you are telling a story, there are certain rules you must follow otherwise it just, objectively, is a bad story. One of those rules is that characters must have a motivation. (Honestly, I think I don't even need to make a distinction between fiction and reality in this instance, but this isn't the place to discuss Nihilism versus Existentialism.) So the movie lacks spectacle, sense, and context. Leaving nothing but boring, nonsensical scenes.

I have one last complaint, which is not only pretty petty, but I also didn't know what section to put it under. So... I hate the dialogue in this movie. It's very quippy. Which I normally have no problem with at all, but it just generally sucks and I was begging for the couple to stop talking to each other entirely. Which is a bit of a shame, because when it felt like they weren't just being smug at each other they had some pretty good chemistry.

Final Summation.

Apparently this is gonna be a trilogy. Great. Next one's supposed to come out in October, so if I'm still doing this watch-everything-that-comes-out thing then I'll of course watch it. But I'm not looking forward to it. Please give the killers a motivation next time.

[taohs]

Three months of vacation is still a vacation.. I think. Either way, you're gonna have to enjoy what time you have to yourself away from work.

I should also work on my live adaption cast posts for characters soon, since I know we talked about that before. Especially for the cast of BL as one of the series. Wait.. Did I mention to you? Because I think I did.

I know people don't know celebrities personally, but that doesn't even mean it wouldn't affect you in some way.. Especially if you knew them through their acting or music. And of course, many celebrities always are inspirational role models for some people too. I wasn't even sure if the Linkin Park analogy would have helped explain it? Since when the vocalist died, many fans were upset. Anyone would be upset if any of your favorite celebrities died, regardless of their cause of deaths too.

So I found out why they're diagnosis progressed so quickly.. They had two doctors giving the diagnoses. So the first doctor was just beating around the bush, said she had six months to a year to live. The doctor wasn't honest. And the second doctor did say that she only had a few weeks left, eventually a few days to only a couple hours until she died that night. The cancer started in her liver, lungs and pancreas until all the cancer spread throughout her body. The funerals in a couple days too. So I don't really think she suffered, at least not to my knowledge.

I hate this year.

Yes! Every comment I see in those videos if just fans begging for new seasons now. At this point, regardless if any adaptions are good (with prequels, sequels, spinoffs) or bad, I might be willing to watch it so I'd be able to see more of my favorite actors and characters again too.

Descendants Of The Sun was good. If you'd ever want to watch more of a multigenre Kdrama, I'd recommend it. Action, comedy, romance, amongst other genres are mixed into the show. But you don't have to.

I can't complain. I think he's handsome too. One of many reasons why I enjoy him as an actor and his characters, there's a possibility that he might be one of many celebrities crushes I have. I can't lie about that.

Besides Song Joongki's work. I've been watching a lot of Song Kang's work too, besides Sweet Home and My Demon, so I did give some of his other shows a chance. And I liked many of those shows too. So I'd recommend any of his work too, if you ever wanted to watch more of his work. Basically I'll recommend a lot of shows I watch, animated or nonanimated. Which you already know that by now anyway. So yeah..

I remember we briefly talked about Sweet Home. If I'm honest, I don't know if you will like this season. Because it actually does deviate from these comics. I won't say how because of spoilers. But there is a thing I can say, the cgi graphics for the monsters have gotten a lot better in these seasons (since they produced season two and three before he's had to go into the military). So I guess it depends on your opinions on season two, if you decide to watch the final season during summer.

And I know, I know.. I've been watching a lot of Asian media lately so I should start watching anime again. Like Jujutsu Kaisen show and the movie is on Netflix now so I may rewatch that, also same with Demon Slayer, along with other series too. So I have some catching up to do.

- 💋

you have mentioned coming up with live adaptation casts! i look forward to seeing it, especially of BL. i know a lot of older anime has gotten live adaptations, and i feel like BL really deserves one. though i’ll set my expectations high for it, so i might be easily disappointed if it doesn’t turn out well :’)

wow… that’s very unethical of the first doctor to be so dishonest? from six months to a few weeks/hours is a huge difference. i’m glad that at least she didn’t have to suffer much, but that must’ve been so scary to find out. my heart reaches out to you and your family. i hope you have people or things in your life that can distract you as you heal as well

ah on the topic of recommending things, if you enjoy watching asian media, have i ever recommend signal before? it’s on netflix and one of the ones that i really enjoyed 😊 i’m into things with a lot of mystery and suspense, and if you enjoy crime solving, this is a very solid series. demon slayer is always great to watch since ufotable goes above and beyond with adapting it. i fell out of jujutsu kaisen for a while now but i hope you enjoy whenever you get around to it again!

[myaquariusheart]

You by Caroline Kepnes

Joe Goldberg, what a man. So I'm going to write about my feelings about the book and some comparisons with the series. You made me obsessed with a series that have inner monologues that narrate the show. I think it's best when you can see the character acting and also hear what they're thinking. It makes you understand their decisions and reasoning for certain actions and why they do what they do. Chapter 1 is a classic opening and it's amazing I can't fault it, it's when he first sees Beck and I know this may be tapped but I wonder if any guy thinks about me like that with our interactions. You can see already how fascinated he is with her and I love how he talks to her in his head, it's sweet but of course, meant to come across as creepy. In the book, I find it more realistic how Beck and Joe's relationship is rocky and they're not together as much as they were in the series. I think the book really shows how emotionally unavailable Back really was and how Joe is obsessed with her, he literally dealt with her absence well for someone whos a psycho. Also, what's up with Beck and emails? Who even emails. I don't understand why that was even a thing and was even a character trait of hers. She's obsessed with posting things online yet she rarely texts anyone. Anyway Beck is a loser and she wasn't that interesting anyway but maybe I'm being a hater because Love was my favorite love interest of Joe's. Joe was more harsh and scary in the book, even though I was imagining Penn the whole time it was kinda hard for me to read half the stuff he was saying. The sexual element was exciting but also too much at times but its Joe's thoughts and I found them funny and scary at the same time. I wonder what book Joe looks like because there wasn't too much description of what he looked like but I wish there was some sort of description of him. Penn is the perfect Joe but I wonder who else could fit the role? I just know he's handsome and it's acknowledged a lot in the book by others. He did bag Beck and Amy and omg how could I forget Karen MINTY? I loved Karen from the series but I also enjoyed her in the book too. She had a lot of character and was less sweet and wholesome than the series Karen. Book Karen was wild, the complete opposite of Joe and Beck. She was cool and he spoke of her disgustingly tbh. Benji I don't care too much for him, I never have for me he's irrelevant but I get why he's there. Everyone has a Benji. The guy who lies and manipulates the relationship when he doesn't even give a shit about you really. It made her more human and relatable to have a Benji. Nicky was also so much more interesting in the book. In the series, I didn't understand Joe's hate for him that much and didn't understand who Nicky was. I loved when Joe had access to the tapes and he read them all, it allowed me to understand his and Becks' relationship so much more because in the series it was a bit random and just plopped there and it never made sense to me how they even started to like each other. There was also a few chapters where Joe was following Nicky, seeing how he lived, and even tried to kill him but he was saved because Beck messaged Joe. I love those chapters too because it just shows how disgusting Joe is and is literally using his spare time, energy, and life to follow a man who doesn't even know the real him. I also loved the chapters when Beck was in the cage. You get convinced that he might actually let her out of the cage and they could be happy together but of course, as anyone would do Beck tried to escape. Her death was a bit traumatising. One minute this guy crying because he thinks he accidentally killed her and then he does it for real and is super angry. Not to forget he literally shoved book pages down her throat like why Joe. Wasnt choking her enough what was the need. He's so entitled as well but good for him for having self-respect I guess. I found the chapter where Beck finds the 'Box' underwhelming as hell. In the series it was so suspenseful and scary.

[elenamegan14]

Yandere!One Piece vs Tough F!Reader

Yeah, we get it. We saw those “sweet, innocent” readers so much getting captured by their yanderes, but can you imagine how this would work with a tough-as-nails reader?

I am talking about a reasonable, no-nonsense and “I literally just send ten people to hospital for intruding my private space” reader who give no fucks - you don’t like how scarily violent and stalkerish tendencies they got and you bet your sweet bippy that you will fight tooth and nail to escape them. 

I mean, duh! They’re pirates! Docile, cute admirers are okay, but they like feisty, hard-to-get people that just as challenging as getting One Piece. After all, pirates loves the thrill of chasing after difficult “treasures”. 

And like that treasure, you are REALLY difficult to claim. 

Imagine slowly raising a gun to the temple of a lovesick Eustass Kid who trapped you inside hundreds of metal weapons, kabedon style. He doesn’t care, even your insults and threats hurled at him sounds like one hell of a metal music. He loves a feisty prey and he will not let go of you. 

Imagine actually calling the freaking MARINES while you were binded under Luffy’s rubberhose of an arms. He’s not willing to let you go and he will drag your unconcious body back to Thousand Sunny if he had to. Look, the scary thing about Luffy is that once he set eyes on someone to be his “nakama”, he will pursue them no matter how you are hurting him with a seastone brass knuckles that you have miraculously found on the ground. 

Imagine angrily yelling at Sanji to please let go of your leg AND your hips, even after you hit him multiple times and he still gets up, Terminator-style. Sanji’s eyes are still heart-shaped as he kept saying how he will devote himself to you and shish-kabob anyone who goes near you and by the way, he saw how good you are with that lace bra last night- the latter just earned him with a boot to the face. 

Imagine trying to resist every last fiber of your body from Doflamingo’s puppet strings as he beckoned you to sit on his lap like a good doll you are. You don’t care - you can slit his throat and he will still drag you with his strings if he has to. Never has Doflamingo encountered a fiery, tough individual and he sure as hell would not give it up. 

Imagine crawling away from Charlotte Smoothie and Charlotte Katakuri with nothing but daggers as both of them stampede towards you, intending to make you a part of their family. They already got permission from “Mama”, plus they are both single and horny for this strong person who actually and actively tried to get away from them...

Imagine getting into an epic swordfight with Zoro, your blade and his three powerful swords clashing, all for the possession of your freedom. Zoro might have not held any sexual attraction, but once he saw the warrior spirit in your eyes and how you really are serious about killing him, that’s when Zoro knew he had found his soulmate. He’s after a tough soldier like you and he WILL have you at all cost. 

Imagine Ace just literally pinned you down to the bed, the closest any of them ever had, peppering kisses upon your neck and shoulder as you kept biting like a hyena on his arms, leaving deep, bloodied teeth marks. Ace just laughs - those marks can be his victorious reminder that you have left behind for him. After all, he did burn those goons near you to crisp right in front of your freaked out face, right? 

Imagine running and shooting at Black Maria and her cronies as you wandered straight into her brothel room. Black Maria easily overpowered you with her devil fruit - she is a spider who finds her prey and as she picks up you, whoare  trashing around wildly and demanding to be released at once, she knew that you’ll be her favorite. 

Imagine kicking Sir Crocodile into a well as you gained the upperhand in public as bystanders watched in horror. But Crocodile is not intimidated nor he is fully angry - how dare this upstart not only bold enough to challenge him but also stole his already shrunken heart as well? As you kept trying to drown him (”WHY WON’T YOU DIE?!”), Sir Crocodile just make all the water dry, laughing at your pathetic attempt to do so. 

And lastly...

Imagine getting strapped into Law’s operation room, the guy smiling at you menancingly as you tried to keep your composure strait. He is sin incarnate, unwilling to take any nonsense. Yet, here you are, a very challenging patient that gnashes around him, promising that he will live a thousand deaths while Law smirked to himself that he will definitely going to have LOTS of fun playing doctor with you...

---

If anyone has a request for this sort of scenario with other One Piece character or you want me to make a small one-shot of this, please let me know in asks or comments!

[yostresswritinggirl]

request for your event? you being klee's older sibling and having to look after her, but when no one's around you're just as mischievous as her :))

It is time to give love to the cutest child in the game, the chaos incarnate herself skdbslbwka I always love these types of scenarios, and with a lot of material available, I went haywire sksksks

Geronimo!

Snippets of angst here and there, but Klee always makes things better! (masterlist)

Responsible, reliable, strong.

Strength seems to run in your family, as well the familiarity with the element of Pyro. Ever since your mother Alice left to venture into the world after the appearance of Albedo, things had been busier and tiring on your end.

You had to fend for you and Klee outside of the little pension the Knights provide. Unlike Klee and Alice, you were no Knight of Favonius, just a normal citizen that does commissions for the Adventurer's Guild while delving into whatever your heart desires. Because of your lack of connection, most of the income you get are from your own work and the bits of mora your mother has left in your care. Your Spark Knight little sister is well in the hands of the Knights, all accommodation handled by them.

A lot of the Knights and even citizens are quite fond of her anyways, and so in multiple care she's not neglected the slightest.

Your mind is at ease knowing that your sister is enjoying a comfortable life while you deal with the loss of a parental figure in silence.

One night as you slip in next to your little sister in her room within the headquarters, the room your mother had occupied before she left, Klee begged you in her half-conscious state to spend the day with her tomorrow even if just for the afternoon. Klee was no spoiled child, she barely asks for anything nor forces others to do her bidding, and this desperation of hers had you crumble as you agreed.

That night you felt more tired than usual. Questioning to yourself, 'have you been neglecting the last family you had?'

Jean felt more than relief when she heard that you'd taking Klee under your care for the day, offering your deepest apologies and gratitude for continuing to look after her in your place. But as Jean waves you two goodbye, she was naive to the chaos she had allowed to come together.

Instead of skipping commissions like you had planned, under the coaxing of your sister, you ended up doing them with her. "It would be fun, Klee will be good and help out too!" And she did, especially when it comes to disposing the creatures around the city.

You watched a Hilichurl fly up from a huge explosion, body spread out as it disappears behind a line of trees in the background. When you looked back down after the smoke disperses, there's a huge crater in the middle of the Hilichurl camp and many unconscious Hilichurls in general.

"Let me try it too!" "Yeeey, go, big sibling!" Picking up one of her smaller bombs she'd laid out on the ground for easy access, you pulled out your bow and hanged the bomb by its head with a piece of string.

"Do a spin, a 360!" "Whatever my sister wants," you started as you started shifting your body in a turn, arrow and string pulled back and ready for release, "Sheeee gets!" When you saw the familiar view of the camp, you angled your shot slightly upwards and released, arrow piercing through the air before immediately turning downward with the weight of the bomb.

You two looked over the cliff to watch the fire show below, arm wrapped around her form to make sure she doesn't fall, as the supposed tiny bomb produced a huge mushroom cloud that sent a gale of black smoke up to where you two watched.

"That was so cool!" "So cool!" You gave your sister a high five, both of your hair disheveled from the force with ashes littered all over your body.

Gliding down the cliff, you didn't give the charred camp much attention as you two sped past to your next commission.

Once you'd went with her to a faraway river when she said she wanted some fish toast. Not wanting her to use her bomb and cause some kind of fish extinction in Mondstadt, you eagerly jumped in the pond after discarding some of your important items and outer clothing, an arrow in hand as you chased and stab the bigger fish.

"Wah, big sis/bro! Behind you! A green scary fish is about to bite you!" "A what now?!"

After you turned, you've ended up wrestling against the jaws of a giant crocodile that strayed into the stream. It took a few minutes before Klee finally stepped in with her Pyro catalyst.

You swimmed a little more to wash away the ashes, cleaning up your sister's face with a wet cloth too from the earlier Hilichurl extermination.

You're not as popular or in the limelight as your sister, many Mondstadtians only ever know you as a simple citizens who deals with commissions, and so very few (select few knights too) know of your connections with the Spark Knight.

When Klee isn't rambling about her bombs, confinement or Albedo, she likes to brag about you. The best and hardworking family, always responsible and witty that you manage to get away with anything. She proudly announces she wants to be as smart as you too, both clauses somehow sending worry to the Knights in fear of Klee and whatever you're capable of.

Despite your respectful smiles and composed appearance, your energy and genius stems from your unhinged mother. The best and worst part about it tho, is that you don't need to report to any higher ups about your experimentations and findings.

"If we lure in a Cryo slime here," you said with a gesture to the net set up by the catapult, "this catapult would sling it over to the field fire the whopperflower made!"

"Do you get it?" "Yes, yes! Klee will deliver a nice and big Cryo slime!" You watched as she took off with that cute run of hers, and not even a minute passes that she comes running back over the slope-

"That's one- two, three, four- five?! KLEE WE ONLY NEEDED ONE SLIME- AHHHHH!"

An adult and a baby Cryo slime got caught in the net which immediately triggered the catapult's mechanism. In the distance you watched them bounce off the flames, also effectively crushing the flower itself under their weight.

Leaving you two to deal with remaining slimes, which was easy with your precise shots and Klee's destructive power. You two escaped death with a few bruises from the bouncing abominations, your catapult broken amidst the encounter.

"(Y/N) is the best big sibling I could ever have! So fun to play with especially! Even if Klee misses them a lot, Klee knows that they're doing it for the best!" Kaeya and Jean awed at the way Klee speaks so fondly of you after getting cleaned up for rest, while you showered during this time in her room's bath. "Klee wants to be as cool as them!"

"What's this?" You emerged from the doorway with a towel around your shoulder, your appearance causing your little sister to jump down from Kaeya's arms to run into yours. "You little mischief, sneaking out of the room to disturb the Acting Grand Master and the Captain!"

"I wanted to talk to them about how fun and cool you are!" Klee giggled when you booped noses, the two older figures in the room chuckling fondly at the sweet scene.

"Perhaps you could look into joining our ranks? There's always a room for you in the Knights, someone as reliable as you would be helpful in protecting Mondstadt," Jean's smile echoes through her words of offer as she looks at you inquisitively, making you gulp at the idea.

You wanted to refuse, for many, many reasons really. But Klee's bright, wide eyes at the thought of finally being in the same place as you for possibly 24/7, tells you you couldn't really refuse.

It was only three months after being a knight that Jean finally realized the deep and ashen crater by Starsnatch Cliff was created by you and Klee's combined efforts. She stares warily as she sees your form pass by the cracked open door to her office, Klee towed behind you as you walk hand in hand with big smiles.

Mondstadt's walls shook that day.

Klee is actually my little sister's favorite character in Genshin. I was tempted to merge this with another ask, but no, I must hold myself.

@moaa @dandelion-dreams @witchsungie @lehra @zelos-simp @legionqueensav @snackgod @rxsalinee @cala-ran @wind-wheel @lilydewi22 @yellowflowre @traveler-lumine @nonniechan @creation-magician @hanniejji @gojos-baby @just-some-stars @volleybloop

[being-of-rain]

Some random thoughts from my Classic Who watch, now showing: season 12.

I watched all of season 12 in around the space of a day, it’s an action-packed little arc that I could rocket through. Unlike the other stories in the series, I’ve had the DVD of Robot for a long time so I’ve watched it many times. As a result, I’m not sure I have a lot to say about it. It’s a good introduction to the zaniness and watchability of Tom Baker’s Doctor, as well as some great plot for Sarah. It’s interesting that Sarah really doesn’t react much to the Doctor’s change- she looks lost when a bit of post-regeneration kookiness makes him almost leave the planet without her, but after that she settles into him quickly. His new body and personality is never even mentioned the rest of the season, I think. On one hand it makes me wonder if Sarah was prepped for the change in the 3 weeks before the regeneration scene, maybe by conversations with the Brigadier, Benton, and even K’Anpo right after she seems him change. On the other hand, her rolling with the bizarre sci-fi punches is very in-character for her. Apart from that, uhhhh. The titular robot was very sympathetic, poor dude.

Was I spending all of the first scene of The Ark in Space thinking about that tumblr post about Harry starting the Last Great Time War? Maybe 😂 He was just trying to open the door! Harry’s a great source of comedy throughout the season. Not enough that it feels grating or unrealistic, he’s just a well-meaning (if old-fashioned) fancy guy who can be a bit of a buffoon. Your classic himbo, if you will. The Wirrn are delightfully creepy and disgusting critters, as is their metamorphosis cycle. Everyone cites bubblewrap as an example of unconvincing Classic Who monster, but you can find a lot less scary Classic Who monsters than the bubblewrap in this one honestly. The humanity’s ark aspect is also pretty cool (the Doctor’s speech about humanity, iconic), but what’s a lot less cool is the hardcore elitism and eugenics that the leaders start spouting as soon as they wake up. Kind of feels like they took a cool concept and showed us the worst possible future with it. I wonder, was it reacting to Invasion of the Dinosaurs and asking ‘what if this actually happened?’ In any case, can’t say I felt particularly bad for Noah when he got bugged.

Again, not much to say about The Sontaran Experiment. I’m glad they didn’t see a reason to make it more than 2 parts. Sarah and Harry being their usual playful selves is sweet. Sarah exclaiming “Linx!” when she sees Styre is a nice callback. I wouldn’t know that Tom Baker was wearing a neck brace if I wasn’t a Dr Who nerd, they did a good job of hiding that. Hey, isn’t a metal beam that gets heavier the weapon the Sontarans use in a single combat duel in Heroes of Sontar? That’s a good callback too. Oh, and it’s good to see that the folks on Nerva Beacon were wrong when they thought that only their chosen few had survived Earth’s roasting. It’s kind of pleasingly ironic that because of the Wirrn, they actually ended up being out-of-date with the rest of humanity, who have now surpassed them by some ten thousand years.

Genesis of the Daleks! Somehow, this famous story is the only one of this season that I hadn’t already watched before this watchthrough. Hot take, but it was pretty good! It worked well as a prequel to The Daleks. And it’s a good example of Dr Who doing dark and gritty well (though it isn’t my favourite example of that. Big Finish got particularly good at it. Should I watch I, Davros, Genesis, and the original Daleks as a trilogy sometime?) And with all the grittiness and politics, I think they definitely earnt all of the hammy deaths they get nearer the end, especially Nyder and Davros (that scream! I love it.) They really did the Kaleds justice with this. The oppressive atmosphere is tangible. You really root for the Kaleds rebelling against Davros, and even though the Doctor is trying to change time, there’s still a sense of doomed tragedy hanging over them. Nyder’s a piece of work. The way he easily worms his way into Gharman’s trust when the audience knows he’d never break from his twisted loyalty to Davros is mesmerising. As for Davros himself, I like how he starts off uncharacteristically quiet. It’s only as his plans grow closer to completion and he’s challenged by the Doctor that he starts ranting and raving and revealing that he’s as unhinged as Doctor Who fans know him to be. The Doctor’s emotions can be pretty striking as well. I knew about his moral breakdown during the “Do I have the right?” scene (in the end he decides he does, by the way), but I didn’t know about his desperation when he’s trying to stop the Thals launching a rocket that he thinks is going to kill his companions, and his depression when the launch succeeds, that was some gripping scenes. Oh, but for all the praise we can level at the story, it does also have one of the worst-realised monsters in the show: the clams in the tunnels under the mountains. The scene where everyone is screaming while trying to avoid them is hilarious because they just... don’t move. At all. The crew couldn’t have like pulled on them a bit with a string or something? Oh well. I guess it’s a light comic break from the great drama around it.

Revenge of the Cybermen is. Something. It wasn’t quite as boring as I remembered it being for some reason, but it isn’t exactly good. Firstly, in retrospect it’s wild how Classic Who uses the Cybermen sometimes. These days, basically every Cyberman story focuses on a few main things that make them interesting; they want to ‘save’ humanity by making sure they survive at all costs, they convert people, and they remove emotions. In Classic Who they often ignore all of these things and use them only as alien empire-builders who are generic villains and, in the case of Revenge, camp. Honestly, the scariest bit of this story was the very start when the Tardis team go from having some light-hearted fun teasing Harry, to walking into a corridor with a frankly obscene amount of dead bodies in it. Wait! I just remembered, I was wrong, the scariest bit of this story was the scenario where you think you’re alone in your room but actually Tom Baker is under your bed. Horrific. Secondly, wow does this story have some weird and bad politics. The human villain being the one to argue that people should be isolating to avoid spreading a deadly plague and the other characters telling him they have to instead get back to work has aged hilariously badly in 2022, but I get that (unless I misunderstood the situation) the crew are effectively sacrificing themselves to warn ships about the unmapped planetoid, like a lighthouse. What I don’t get is that the crew have apparently been told they’re being abandoned by their bosses with no help, and their job is basically doomed to fail. They admit themselves that they’d need to operate for years to get the planetoid properly mapped, and they’ll mostly likely die in a week or so if they keep exposing themselves to the plague. So are they just all content to die for no reason because Earth Centre told them to?? Meanwhile with the Vogan subplot, the villainous Vogan is the one who wants to... fight the Cybermen and stop hiding on their planet? I can’t think of any other Doctor Who story where insisting your species stays strictly isolated and xenophobic out of fear is painted as the right decision. And if either of these situations are supposed to be a moral dilemma or morally grey, they still don’t work because they’re stupid situations! Honestly, between the isolationist and xenophobic part and the ‘ignore the plague and work yourself to death’ part, I’m surprised the British Government wasn’t constantly airing this story the last several years as propaganda. Anyway, now that I’ve finished being scathing, anything else? I sometimes make notes for these reviews, and weirdly I made more notes for Revenge of the Cybermen than any of the other stories this season. -There was some funny comedy moments, like the Doctor thanking Sarah then glaring at Harry for doing the same thing jsldkjhfkjs. And Harry fixating on the gold on Voga and then stressing that he wasn’t going to steal any a little too much. -So many Classic Who stories just have no decorum whatsoever with their villain reveal. I know last post I made fun of revealing the Daleks for the cliffhanger when their name is in the titles, but I’ll take that over how boring it is when the Cybermen are dropped into a conversation in this story. -All the talk of Jupiter made me want to reread the novel Fear Itself. Now there’s some good Dr Who.

[whumpupthejam]

“He’s Out There” - Character Intros + picrews

ALRIGHT. I was gonna wait until I’d posted more writing of these characters, especially because I haven’t even introduced most of them yet 🤪

But I’m really excited abt these and I’m taking too long on the next pieces, so you’ll just get to know them a little now!

If you have any questions about them, or wanna see snippets/drabbles featuring any of them, my asks are open and I would kiss you on the mouth <3 (open to non-canon compliant asks/requests).

I’ll start with the precious boy we all know and love and want to see destroyed:

Marcus~

Extras:

Full name: Marcus Pearce

Age: 22

Height: 5’10”

Mbti/enneagram: INFJ/4w5

Birthday: June 7

Actual favorite film (the picrew gave limited choices): Star Wars Ep. V

Primary Role: Whumpee

Fun fact: Marcus plays the violin and is first chair/soloist for his college’s symphony….or he was. :(

Also, he doesn’t really have a hand tat, I just thought it fit his aesthetic for the picrew, and he DOES have a half sleeve on his right forearm (easily covered by a tux when performing).

Caleb ~

Extras:

Full name: Caleb Levi

Age: 22

Height: 6’2”

Mbti/enneagram: ENTP/8w7

Birthday: April 25

Orientation: Bisexual/Aromantic

Actual favorite film: Best in Show

Fun fact: He is a criminal justice major with a minor in behavioral psychology. He’s basically super scary and super smart. Many find him intimidating, but once you get to know him a little bit, it’s easy to see he’s a big goofball teddy bear angel.

Caleb has been Marcus’s best friend since they were kids living in the same neighborhood. There’s nothing. Nothing Caleb wouldn’t do for Marcus.

Jake ~

Extras:

Full name: Jacob Settler

Age: 23

Height: 6’0”

Mbti/enneagram: ESFP/6w7

Birthday: March 2

Actual favorite film: He doesn’t watch many actual movies. He’s more of a TV show guy. Faves are Arrested Development and Downton Abbey (he used to hide this fact, but when he got to college he decided, what the hell! so he’s got refined tastes, sue him!). He also loves Napoleon Dynamite.

Primary role: Whumpee

Fun fact: He has two sisters, one older, one younger. Ever since his dad died tragically, he’s taken all the emotional responsibilities of father onto himself. His mom wishes he wouldn’t, but he feels guilt over his dad’s death. He tries to use humor to throw people off from the fact that he’s incredibly self critical and struggles with his mental health. He’s been feeling a little better since meeting Marcus and Caleb, but he’s in a pit he can’t seem to get out of. Really fun fact, right??

Elena ~

Extras:

Full name: Elena Sherwin

Age: 22

Height: 5’7”

Mbti/enneagram: ENFP/4w3

Birthday: October 19

Actual favorite film: Pan’s Labyrinth

Primary role: Caretaker

Fun fact: She has a beautiful singing voice. She hopes to be a film actress someday, but she’d also love to get to sing for the rest of her life.

The Man (+name reveal..?) ~

Extras:

Full name: Daniel Stane (alias?), (Other known aliases: Daniel Goran, John Landry, Elliot Golfinder, Barrett Cork).

Age: 51

Height: 6’1”

Mbti/enneagram: INFP/6w5

Birthday: February 5

Actual favorite film: *sigh.* It’s Pride and Prejudice (1995). Look I’m not happy about it either, but it’s true.

Primary role: Whumper

Fun fact: He has a cat. His name is Marcus—no I’m kidding, lol. The cat is very sweet. He doesn’t have a name.

p.s. while this picrew is ridiculously adorable, it portrays one body type. So just for the record! Marcus actually is a fairly skinny boy, Caleb and the Man are both reasonably buff, Jake is as well, but less so than they are, and Elena is mid-plus sized. <3

[yharnammoved]

akechi, fyodor, dazai, and izaya for the character meme. :)

so many... akechi

favorite thing about them: there's too many things but it's his tenacity and how he refuses to change himself for other people in the end (ie 3rd semester) for me babey!!

least favorite thing about them: fanon pancakes xD

favorite line: “I’m going to be entirely honest with you, I hate you.”

brOTP: makoto and akechi... i just think they'd have the stupidest intellectual conversations about morality and justice that i'd subscribe to

OTP: do i really gotta say it

nOTP: idk how people ship him and yoshizawa but absolutely no thanks

random headcanon: despite hating sweets, he perfectly curates his social media with date spot sweets and makes sure the other seat is always empty so that he can better appeal to his fanbase and look available as a celebrity. it's incredibly annoying for him to put in the effort, but he really is meticulous with it

unpopular opinion: akechi isn't a bad character, you all just hate the people with "scary" mental illnesses

song i associate with them: flight of the crows - jhariah

favorite picture of them: i can't find my favorite favorite but this is a runner-up by kaninn

fyodor

favorite thing about them: how incredibly intelligent he is.... look at that little guy go. look at the prison chapters where he's just talking with dazai in code that they both made up on the spot.

least favorite thing about them: i can't think of anything beyond the fact that his eng VA annoys me. that's how much i'm in love with this little rat man

favorite line: “I am crime. I am punishment. Crime and punishment are close friends. Borders vanish. Rooms awaken. The incarnation of death, the master of the ability-consuming fog… Eat, howl, and make violence as your instinct desires. This is neither a loss of control nor a singularity.”

brOTP: fyogolsig. we love two maniacs and a tired casino owner shenanigans

OTP: fyozai.... let me talk to you for the next twelve years why fyozai is the only perfect bsd shi

nOTP fyoran. don't see the fandom appeal

random headcanon: he has to get iron replacement injections for severe anemia or else he's just a useless little bag of bones in his bed for a long while. idiot. stupid.

unpopular opinion: i think fyodor is probably the most underrated villain of the series because people really sleep on him compared to how they treat members of the port mafia, or treat him like just an underling of fukuchi -__-

song i associate with them: l'inverno op. 8 no.4 in f minor 1. allegro - vivaldi

favorite picture of them: OKAY LISTEN IT'S NOT ARTWORK BUT I GO GOOGOO GAGA OVER THIS SCENE IN DEAD APPLE EVERY FUCKING TIME IT'S MY FAVORITE!!!!

dazai

favorite thing about them: he's such a fucking snake? like this man is on x games mode when it comes to his true agenda at all times. things just LINE UP to where they work out with the ADA for the most part, but he still has so many threads from his before life that he pulls whenever he needs to

least favorite thing about them: boiled down to either a part of a ship or teehee suicide joke by both canon and fanon ALL the time

favorite line: "If you place yourself somewhere close to raw emotions, where you’re exposed to violence and death, instinct and desire, you can brush against man’s true nature. I thought that way I could find a reason to live somehow."

brOTP: kunidazai... i just think they're funny little guys. :)

OTP: i can't say my true otp so i'll just say fyozai because i like them too!

nOTP: dazai and ranpo. i just cannot fucking stand it because of someone.

random headcanon: now that he has an actual apartment, dazai keeps an eclectic amount of collections from his interests. books, letter openers, handheld torture devices, little 100 yen gachapon figures. it's not to the level of hoarding, but it's much more than the normal level of collecting that your average person would have

unpopular opinion: dazai has a comorbid cluster b personality disorder but you're all too cowardly to admit that

song i associate with them: a mask of my own face - lemon demon

favorite picture of them: https://www.pixiv.net/en/users/4657637

izaya

favorite thing about them: i'm realizing i hate this question because there's never really just one thing. i love how he he tangents and how he loves to hear himself talk, and i love how he power trips without ever fully going to a place where he can't recover from a blunder

least favorite thing about them: his hairline... he's gonna be bald by 40

favorite line: listen... this isn't a direct quote from him but ABOUT him but it's my favorite thing that just explains him so well: “He may seem cold-blooded, but he is more human and his heart more brittle than anybody else’s, so much so that if you filled it with human love or betrayal, it would break easily, which is why, I think, he chose from the beginning to avoid it all, to love humanity, you understand? Not to accept, not to face it. To avoid it.”

brOTP: kadota and izaya!! i think they're pretty chill

OTP: shinzaya bc i can't say my other otp....

nOTP: there's only very certain instances i will even look at shizaya because of the fandom. and fanon shizaya ain't it.

random headcanon: izaya collects different scents of cologne that he gets as gifts from ~ certain ~ clientele, and will use it when he wants to impress. his favorite scents are usually ones with high fruit tones but nothing too aggressive that the subtlety can't speak for itself

unpopular opinion: i think people in the fandom are incapable of seeing izaya as either this troll character with very little substance besides being a nuisance or being a cocksleeve for shizuo when he's actually an integral pivot for most everyone's character development in the series because of his meddling and the SEVERAL strings that he has to pull at any given time.

song i associate with them: cotards solution - will wood and the tapeworms

favorite picture of them: unfortunate source but it's from the doujin ABBERANCE!!

[crispyduckpatrol]

Obey Me! Characters and their thoughts on spiders (imo):

Lucifer

doesn't even bat an eye when squishing the poor things under his shoe

no remorse for the disgusting creatures

they make cobwebs and it's a pain to clean them up

if he so much as sees one from across the room he will LITERALLY STARE THEM DO DEATH

i mean he's a demon, he got the power to do so

and if he's working on paperwork and doesn't wanna get the fly swatter and walk across the room

just giving them a literal death glare is easier

Mammon

screams before beating the shit out of them

you'll hear an "AH! FUCK!"

followed by a loud stomp or thud or whatever (depends on what surface the spider dares to crawl on)

on that note, i feel like mammon has broken a couple of glass vases because he doesn't really think twice before he just swings his hand to kill a tiny arachnid

in those instances, you'll hear a softer, quieter "ah, fuck..." as he realises his mistake and dread sinks in, knowing lucifer can and will beat his ass

Leviathan

"Ew." *squish*

kinda disgusted by them, honestly

even more disgusted when he kills them and their guts and insides go everywhere

he'll try to relocate them to avoid that

but, if they sneak up on him, that's when he freaks out

he hates it when they appear out of fucking no where

he'll just be peacefully gaming when he feels something crawling on his hand

screams like an highschool anime girl before slapping his hand

and when they disappear when he walks away to get a piece of paper to put them on?

hates that even more

"WHERE THE FUCK DID YOU GO?"

"i'm burning down R.A.D."

Satan:

he doesn't care about them as long as they stay a good twenty feet away from him

other than that he will smite them

literally

but he's also the type to have a staring contest with one if he sees it crawling on the wall

"you fucking stay there unless you wanna meet your maker."

spider lowkey shaking in its boots

and me too, ngl

y'all seriously think lucifer is the scary one? please, he's got nothing on satan

Asmodeus

poor baby is TERRIFIED of spiders

he will cry

he will run away and cry

and get lucifer or whoever to kill it for him

and then proceeds to repeatedly ask "are you sure it's dead?"

"fucking yes, it's dead. can't you see it's guts are everywhere?"

"are you sure?"

"oh my fu–"

he probably refuses to go in the same room a spider was killed in for a good couple of days

and if it's his bedroom? he'll just stay in mc's room

annoying the shit out a mammom would be a bonus to bunking with dear mc

Beelzebub

actually likes spiders

he thinks they're cute

and if he sees one he'll move it outside to save it from his brothers' wrath

but not before he holds it in his hand and lets it crawl around his fingers for a little while

names the ones he comes across

you'll probably see him sitting in the kitchen with a spider in his hands at one point

"and who do we have here?"

"diavolo junior"

i mean the spider to be looking thicc

Belphegor

friends with the spiders

that man was locked up in the attic, you can't tell me he didn't befriend them and learn how to communicate with them when trying to pass time

he probably uses them to get dirt on his brothers, especially asmo

lucifer hates it that he keeps them around because his attic room always has spider webs and shit hanging from the ceiling and corners

disgOSTANG

but that's all the more reason to love them

has a name for each one

even has one named after mc

but don't tell them

Diavolo

he can and will scream

despite being the prince of the devildom

he will climb onto furniture to avoid the tiny eight-legged creatures

all while calling for barbatos

"BARTBATOS"

"THERE'S ANOTHER ONE"

and lo and behold, the amazing butler appears with a fly swatter and effectively rids the devildom of the spider, saving diavolo's life (which was never really in danger but we can just leave that little detail out)

"everything's alright now, your majesty"

cue romantic music as barbatos helps diavolo down from whatever piece of furniture he climbed onto and diavolo stares loving into the eyes of his saviour

i-

i'm sorry

it would've been better with lucifer

Simeon

same as satan: as long as they stay a good twenty feet away he doesn't care

but he won't smite them

just simply move away and leave them be

he'll also call beel over if he finds one

"hey, beelzebub? there's another spider over here."

"really? sweet!"

if you were to ask him to, he would kill one for you

Luke

plays with them

literally

that disappearing act spider's like to do so much?

yeah, he'll try to find them again as if they're playing hide and seek

you'll walk by a room and see him looking under the sofa

"what are you doing there, bud?"

"looking for my friend"

"ah, okay"

you continue on your way wondering if he befriended a rat or smth

Solomon

catches them and keeps them in jars to use for spells later

the bigger the spider the better

he'll force you to go spider hunting with him around the devildom

and you may or may not have come across one the size of cerberus and almost got eaten one time

lucifer had to come save your asses

"i swear, you two are insistent on dying"

i mean, mc lost their fear of death when they came to the devildom and i don't think solomon ever feared it in the first place

[everythingsinred]

Let's Talk About NatsuMikan: Natsume (pt. 22)

Today we'll talk about the Time-Travel Arc. Obviously, the focus in that arc is Yuka's past, so there's going to be a lot of content that I'll skip unless it's relevant to NatsuMikan. What ship/character content there is I will dissect heavily. This is just a warning that I'll be skipping even five or so chapters at time, and it might seem jarring. Sorry about that.

In this part, we'll see how Natsume and Mikan are in many ways fated, but also how selfless Natsume can be, even in the face of losing the person he loves the most forever. He's going to keep his promise to protect her no matter what happens, even if it means never seeing her again.

Chapter One Hundred and Seven

For most of this arc, Natsume and the others are merely observers of Yuka’s past. They keep the talking and interaction to a minimum. There will be some instances where Natsume does enough for me to be able to analyze him, but they’re limited to start with.

For example, when Tsubasa, Tono, and Nobara are finally able to join them, there’s a dramatic reunion.

Nobody has seen Tsubasa in some time, and his whereabouts were a mystery. Obviously he shares a meaningful embrace with Mikan, but he also makes eye contact with Natsume, who looks shocked and relieved to see him again, even if he wasn’t the one to find him. Tsubasa knows Natsume had searched tirelessly for him, so he apologizes for making Natsume and the others worry. For a moment, it almost seems as though maybe they will share the next reunion hug. But to show that everything truly is back to normal, Natsume’s demeanor shifts and he gets annoyed with Tsubasa for hugging Mikan for so long.

Thinking really hard about Natsume's love languages: nicknames, being willing to die for you one second and then pretending like you're a nuisance the next, never giving compliments so they hit like a brick when he does, just hanging around you, and physical touch.

Natsume doesn’t know how to show feelings properly. With Ruka, he can be more openly affectionate and loving, and now with Mikan he has recently (today) had the opportunity to be more honest about his feelings, but Tsubasa is different. For a very long time, he has pretended like Tsubasa was nothing more than a nuisance. Suddenly being honest with everyone would be tiresome. Besides, Tsubasa already knows that Natsume cares, since he struggled so much to find him.

If you want to hug somebody, Natsume says (or doesn’t say… this conversation seems to all be telepathic), go hug Misaki. Not my girl. It hardly matters that Misaki isn’t around and that idea is impossible to make a reality. So Tsubasa naturally shoots back that he will simply pretend Mikan is Misaki.

Natsume is a good person, as we have seen over the course of the manga. When he loves someone, he loves hard and with his whole chest. He doesn’t half-ass his feelings. Despite his occasional bouts into saying something kind and heartfelt, he is and always has been naturally a bit more reserved. His personality is one to withhold a little, and to interact with people through teases. Even at his most free, before he came to the academy, he would tease and insult before saying something sweet. His love will always be something that needs to be interpreted, because he hates being open about why he’s doing the selfless things he is. If he is too open, then people will know and then they might feel guilty or like they owe him something. He doesn’t want that. Another thing is that he just likes having fun with his friends and loved ones this way, with occasional taunts and teases. That’s just the kind of person he is.

Chapter One Hundred and Nine

We get introduced to Igarashi Kaoru, an upperclassman of Yuka’s and a mysterious figure. Yuka first met her in a compromising position, when she’s about to sleep with a boy who we will later find out is Natsume’s father. She looks very much like a more grown up, female version of Natsume, and they seem to have a lot in common when it comes to their basic personality.

Just like Natsume, Kaoru can be serious-minded and doesn’t take any shit. She’s also like him in that she shows affection through teasing.

Mikan, in this chapter, finally asks who this Igarashi person is, since she looks so familiar. Natsume sarcastically says, “Heaven knows.” I’m sure he wasn’t actually expecting to see his mother in these flashbacks. She died when she was very young and as a result she didn’t have the opportunity to talk much about Yuka. It must be a surprise to see that she played such an active role in Mikan’s mother’s life.

Heaven knows. Get it. 'Cause she's dead. Hahahaha.

To everyone else, it’s obvious that the Igarashi person is related to Natsume. Ruka might even directly recognize her from the painting he saw at the Hyuuga house that one time, but either way they look and act so similarly that it’s apparent to everyone but Mikan.

In any case, Natsume is seeing more of his mother than he ever has before. He knows very little about her, since she died when he was so small. He couldn’t have many conversations with her and he spent more time mourning and missing her than actually being with her. Not only is Mikan getting the chance to know the mother that was a mystery to her for her whole life, but Natsume is too. This is also his chance to discover his mother and get to know her, and it’s just his luck that Yuka and Kaoru actually had a strong bond.

After Kaoru intimidates Yuka at the Hana Hime den, Mikan and the gang react to the shocking scene. Kaoru is a force to reckon with, and Noda comments on how this force and tough love helped Yuka find strength in herself and confidence in her own alice.

Ruka insists on knowing more about Kaoru, and since everyone but Mikan seems to get that Kaoru is Natsume’s mother, we can see that Ruka is asking for Natsume. Natsume won’t ask. This is about Yuka, after all, and about Mikan. Natsume will see what he will of his mother insofar as she’s in Yuka’s life. Beyond that, he won’t ask for anything. Ruka knows this, so he asks instead. He wants to know about Natsume too, and what better way than to learn about the woman who seems to have so much in common with him? Natsume is touched that Ruka would go out of his way to ask a question Natsume will not ask.

Noda answers that Kaoru and Yuka will become best friends after this, and Mikan is shocked. How could someone so scary be Yuka’s best friend? But Noda explains: Kaoru has a compassionate and caring heart behind her cold front, just like Natsume, and Yuka could rely on her, even in her darkest moments. Yuka wouldn’t have gained confidence in her alice the way she did without Kaoru by her side.

That is a really fucking long red string!

And then Noda says it so even Mikan can tell now, that Natsume’s mother has always been beloved and a truly amazing person.

Chapter One Hundred and Ten

Noda further explains about Kaoru. She used her alice to spy on the academy for the HSP, and then after she graduated she continued to use her alice to expose corruption. She was deeply committed to doing the right thing and holding the academy responsible, and this commitment was inspiring to Yuka as well, who went down the path she did for the same reasons.

Somehow, their children met at the academy by pure chance, and are standing side by side now.

Here they are, standing together and in love with each other. Fate is a silly thing.

They are fated somehow. The same red string that tied Kaoru to Yuka now ties Natsume to Mikan. In fact, it’s his love for her that motivated him to go against the academy, more than his own misfortune or the wellbeing of other students or even because it was the right thing to do. The strong bond between their mothers now lingers between them, but differently, and maybe even stronger.

Natsume and Mikan are holding hands, looking at each other. Were they always meant to meet? To be together? Nothing is said out loud, but it’s apparent that they’re both thinking about their moms’ past and what exactly it means for their future.

Perhaps there's a difference between fated to fall in love and fated to be together.

Chapter One Hundred and Sixteen

Lots of chapters are getting skipped because there simply isn’t enough content, if any, of Natsume, not to mention NatsuMikan specifically.

Izumi is about to die, and everyone knows it as they watch. Mikan has just returned from falling through the time window. She wanted to warn her father, but Tsubasa was able to bring her back without much changing. Natsume immediately goes to Mikan’s side when she is safely returned and doesn’t leave. He holds her hand because what she’s about to witness will be deeply traumatizing and he knows that she will suffer all the more because she wasn’t able to stop it.

Everything happens as it is meant to, perhaps. Izumi is dying from Rei’s alice, since his own nullification can’t fight against Rei when he uses so much power at once.

I don't have anything clever to say here. He just loves her so much.

Mikan is distraught, and although Natsume first just tries to keep her from approaching the window again, once he sees her crying, despairing face, he shifts. All he’s ever wanted to do was keep her happy, keep her from sinking into even a fraction of the darkness he’s had to live in. It hasn’t always been easy, because Mikan was also destined to suffer, just like him.

Everyone else is pleading with Noda to get them out of the hole, to stop the flashbacks, but Noda can’t. The window is too turbulent and any moves on his part might be dangerous.

Protecting her no matter what doesn't only mean protecting her from physical harm, it means protecting her from seeing horrible things that she shouldn't have to see, like the death of her father.

So Natsume holds Mikan close. It is the only thing he can do, to tell her not to look and to hug her. She doesn’t need to see anymore. Natsume doesn’t just want to protect her physical safety but her mental and emotional well-being as well. He fell in love with a girl who always looks on the bright side, who is so optimistic and kind that her cheerfulness bleeds into everyone else. From the start, he was concerned that if her life darkened, her own light would fade and become tarnished.

But Natsume doesn’t need her to always smile. He just wants to protect her the best he can. If she needs to cry, then she can cry on him. He will hold her and support her and comfort her. She can’t always be happy, but all he’s ever wanted was to be there for her when she can’t be. When she needs to crumble a little, he will be there for her, because she would do the same. She comforted him too, even if she never knew she was doing it. It's not about having her be happy all the time, just minimizing the trauma. He can't protect her from all of it. Everything else is more powerful than he is. He can't keep her ignorant and blissful forever. Nobody can. But if they can't escape the flashback, then he will keep her from looking.

He can do this openly now, so he does. He wants her to know that she can rely on him and seek comfort from him. No matter what happens, he will be there for her.

So as Izumi dies, Natsume and Mikan aren’t looking. She doesn’t need to see. He keeps his focus on her, to support her, because she has to process a deeply traumatic event in a very short time. After all, the flashbacks are still going. Time didn’t stop for Yuka, and it won’t stop for Mikan.

Natsume’s shirt is probably soaked with tears. Not that he cares.

He holds her, not just through Izumi’s death, but for most of the aftermath. He stays, holding her, for as long as she needs him to. He will only let go when she’s okay to stand again. He ends up holding her for a couple chapters, and even when they stop hugging he still holds her up. He'd hold her for hours if she needed it.

Conclusion

Natsume and Mikan learned that their mothers were besties and are now struck with the knowledge that by pure chance they managed to meet and become as close as they did. Natsume confessed to the whole DA class (including Mikan) that he loves her in the last part, and he's done nothing but prove it over and over again.

We'll wrap up what is left of NatsuMikan in the Time-Travel Arc next week on Monday. His low self-esteem, selflessness, and all-consuming love will all take center stage in the next few entries.

Thank you all so much for reading so far. I hope you have a lovely day!

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[cardsbizarreadventure]

I’ve seen a fad where people describe their original character’s personality with a few canon characters from different series.

What characters do you think you could combine to make Joelle?

☆꧁✬◦°˚°◦. ♠ ♣ ♥ ♦ .◦°˚°◦✬꧂☆ Thank you for the ask Mel! It actually took me a good amount of time to even decide upon who would be most fitting to build Joelle. Since she has some of my own self insert in her , but really which oc doesn't? It was kind of hard to decide xD But I think I've managed to collect the ones that are pretty relatable with my character. So here it goes!

Lucy - Elfen Lied If I have to be honest I've never would of thought upon how similar Joelle and Lucy stories are. I was never intending to have so many similarities with this specific characters until recently I stumbled upon a video that made me remember a bit more about the anime and how it played out. Lucy is a very interesting character , born with a 'sickness' ever since she was little kind of reminded me upon Joelle's origin as a pillar both past and present . Lucy has been bullied , barely knew any kind of friends and because of her 'sickness' everyone was after her because what she can cause with her powers , until she stumbled upon one that really liked her for who she was [Kind of gives me the possible Joseph or Rei vibes but without the romantic kind of intent that was implied in the story because Lucy did fall in love with her best friend.] She was brought into a lab to keep away from the outside world and experimented on , until she broke out and was given a chance for a second life regardless of what she had witnessed and did in her youth.

Ren Tao - Shaman King A few aspects that I can collect from Ren are the anger he has built for humanity that really matches with Joelle's story . Because when she ended up in the XPD facility where they did various of experiments on her and basically played her like a toy she began to pile up a lot of anger upon those people creating an image in her head that they were all the same . But after meeting with someone who opened her eyes to the world , she began to have another look upon things and wanted to try and move on and heal but also find a new purpose in life .

Edward Elric - Fullmetal Alchemist When ever I would look at Ed I could actually see a few aspects of Joelle as well , because of his own determination to fix what he has done in the past and return his brother back to his original body , reminds me of how Joelle wants to protect her new family and find a way to stop evil from prevailing . It also gives a pinch of hint upon how him and his brother were trying to bring back their mother , is a similarity upon how Joelle wanted to bring back her own mother but instead she ended up releasing a curse that later on haunts her , the same way Ed and Alphonse tried to bring their mother back and ended up creating a homunculus being. Sadly I haven't watched brotherhood and I really need to , but I'd assume I'd find even more similarities if I do so~. But I do however see a lot of pieces of Ed in Joelle!

Misaki Ayuzawa - Kaichou wa maid-sama This goes a bit on her emotional side to be honest. Misaki is a perfect representation of Joelle , a strong and very responsible individual and yearns for a piece of romance in her life that will assure her that they will stay with them for who they are . A perfect aspect of her Tsundere side because she is very conflicted and very confused when it comes to these sort of things. I absolutely adore her strong character and how she is able to handle so many responsibilities , reminds me upon her current position in the SpeedWagon foundation , a lot fear her because of how she would act and how her attitude just goes across the room, but a good amount also admire her when they get to know her personally and understand her better upon why she is the way she is , that she has a very gentle side to her.

Chise Hatori - Ancient Magus Bride Another little lost soul that was being sold to the world. Chise has always been one of my most favorite characters once I started the anime , the aspects of her that I see in Joelle are the growth she managed to accomplish with herself , she used to have a normal life a happy family , but eventually that turned around when 'dark beings' (which would hint the cults of Hearteater) began to make their way into their life and make it more dangerous to be around , and even the fact that her own 'blood and family' tried to kill her is the hint of her father that almost killed her. [But in the anime it was the mother that tried to.] She eventually ends up in good hands which help her see the world with different eyes and find who she really is and help her discover her own courage and determination that she wants to do better for herself and others around her .

Shigeo Kageyama - Mob Psycho Little little shy Mob~. He was one of my main inspirations if I have to be honest because a lot matched with the two of them. This comes around her more doubtful and shy side. Mob is a perfect representation of both Joelle's moods , when she is sweet and respectful to a menace and a deadly being if they come near their family. Her relationship with Reigen matches with the one me and my friend Mel have with Joelle and Yorie . Let's not forget about how crazy batshid he went when they took his brother away and he was willing to do everything in his powers to save him... but there was also the fire in his house.. now that is basically the next level of Chapter Death in a sense. But for real there are a lot of aspects behind Mob that I connect with Joelle and how her character is displayed~.

Yuuji Itadori - Jujutsu Kaisen Yuji is the aspect of Joelle that exists kind of rare but it's still there , it's her little goofy side , but the amount of love for her friends and family is also there . His determination and courage to protect his new friends is the same as Joelle trying to protect her own regardless of what kind of burden both of them carry that can cause the destruction of the world, even if the the two of them might appear weak to most they would always throw themselves in danger to protect their loved ones , but later one begin to grow in personality and strength . Maybe I can even connect a tad bit Sukuna and Chapter Death because both are the representation of the final stage when the 'scary' takes over and would basically erase your existence . Yuji and His friends remind me a whole lot of Joelle and her own little crew and how each of them help each other and will always be there no matter what. Basically the hero that wants to save everyone and doesn't really care what happens to them , as long as everyone is safe .

Manjiro Sano and Ken Ryuguji - Tokyo Revengers These two go in pair ~. I see a big portion of aspects of the two in Joelle and each of them kind of represent her 'goofy' and her very serious and respect side. Mikey is a bit more laid back and chill but at the same time very scary , a bit how Joelle is in a sense how she can be so calm on certain occasions until she finally snaps and beats the crap of anyone who doubted her and called her 'small and helpless.' This is the aspect I enjoy the most between the two because they underestimate their opponent and then get their ass handed to them , that's how the two kind of go xD. Draken would be maybe her grown up and mature side in a way and the one that keeps things in line when ever there is justice that needs to be served because no one is allowed to hurt their friends and family. Very loyal and determined and even jump down to apologize for their wrongs to try and correct themselves and possibly help their friends understand the situation a little better , unless there is no way out they always try and reason first before jumping into action.

Nezuko Kamado - Demon Slayer / Kimetsu no Yaiba [New Add] I almost forgot!! Honestly I can't forget to include my favorite little goofball . Another little demon that I can see a lot of personality traits and aspects in Joelle as well. Nezuko and Tanjiro are also a good representation of both Jericho and Joelle in a sense because of how strong their bond is beyond anything . I don't want to spoil anything in my current arcs because I want to keep it a surprise since I have a whole lot of things to decide on . Nezuko displays Joelle's very protective side and very caring one as well the side of value she feels towards her surroundings and regardless of being a little 'different' she still is the same person no matter what happens and will never lose her humanity even after being 'cursed'. And even be a little bit of a hint of her sensitive and cute side too regardless that she doesn't show it too often xD.

Saitama - One Punch Man And last but not least , I put him on the bottom because at the beginning when I was creating Joelle I would always think of Saitama and how she was going to play out of sort of a joke that is really powerful and kind of blunt in a sense . But now she has grown so much and has so much potential , story and personality behind her that you can't even imagine! Saitama was maybe my very first inspiration when I created her because for some odd reason I really like OP shid and I mean literally xD. I don't know why but I just do , but regardless of Joelle being kind of OP orientated , later on when I began to play out her story I started to balance her because I wanted her to seem a bit more real other than I just came here to kick your ass and you're dead now lmfao. She still has some funny little aspects of Saitama behind her that's for sure , but she is completely different now and I am super proud of what a long journey she has gone through and grown so much as a character ^ ^. Thank you so much for sending in dear!!I really enjoyed this ask <333!! - Cards

[caranfindel]

Take these broken wings and learn to fly (15.20 coda)

het, but Wincest-compatible | about 2300 words | PG-13 for language | characters: sam winchester, sam’s blurry wife |

Julia has been widowed (God, what an awful word, widowed) for three years when she meets Sam. It’s a work-based friendship at first. She’s kind of lonely and sad, he’s kind of lonely and sad, and they gravitate toward each other. And then one evening they’re at a bar, the last ones left from an after-work happy hour, both of them drinking more than they should, and she thinks he’s kind and thoughtful and smart and he may be 10 years older than me but he’s still hot as hell and I enjoy being with him and I look forward to seeing him and maybe I should just… and she kisses him. He’s shocked; shocked enough to confirm that he wasn’t just hanging around hoping to make it out of the friendzone. And then he’s holding her face in his hands and he’s kissing her too.

It’s good. They’re good together. It’s not the earth-shattering, all-encompassing romance she had with Shaun. Julia knows she’ll never have anything like that again. Most people don’t even get one soulmate in their lives; no one gets two. And she knows Sam doesn’t have that same desperate love that Shaun had for her; she knows she’ll never have his whole heart. (She knows the woman he intended to marry was killed in a fire, she knows another woman he loved went back to her ex. She doesn’t know which of these women still owns that last piece of Sam’s heart.) But she loves Sam, and he loves her, and they get married.

(The sex is amazing. Sometimes he’s gentle, almost reverent, as if he’s afraid he’ll break her, and other times he’s fierce and passionate and almost tries to break her, and she loves both ends of the spectrum.)

She suggests they melt down her old wedding band to make a new one. It was an heirloom from her grandmother, a plain wide band of yellow gold that she loves, that she thought she’d wear for the rest of her life. But Shaun is the one who put it on her finger the first time. It doesn’t seem right to ask Sam to accept it now. A new band from the old gold seems like a good compromise. No, Sam says, I couldn’t ask you to do that. I know a way we can make it ours. He has the inside of the band engraved with the same symbol he wears tattooed over his heart, and makes her promise to never take it off. Bad luck, he says.

He’s such a contradiction. Scary smart, but as superstitious as an Appalachian grandmother. Calm and unflappable, but with a weirdly hyperactive startle reflex. Kind and empathetic, but capable of extreme violence when pushed to his limits (seriously, don’t walk your drunk ass up to Sam Winchester’s wife and lay hands on her, and don’t get mouthy when she tells you to back off) and just really, frighteningly skilled at that violence.

(A little frightening and also very sexy. Julia’s always had a thing for the hero type.)

They both have nightmares. One night Julia watches Shaun’s face melting under his gear and wakes with a cry of horror. Sam holds her as she tearfully describes living on the knife edge of constant fear that comes with loving someone whose job is literally running into burning buildings. I know, he says, over and over, even though he can’t possibly know. The irony of their first loves both dying in flames is not lost on her, but it’s not like his college girlfriend was a firefighter. It’s not like he watched her go to work every day and prayed she’d make it home alive.

Julia’s pregnancy is a wonderful surprise. She and Shaun had tried for over a year before she was widowed, and she just didn’t count on it happening with Sam. They agree not to name the baby after anyone they’ve lost. Let’s not name him after our pain, she says, and Sam is okay with that. (Or he isn’t. But ever since she showed him the positive pregnancy test, she’s known she could ask him for anything. She’s known he would rip out his heart and serve it on a platter if she asked for it.)

But they haven’t decided on a name yet when her water breaks four weeks early. When their perfect baby boy is born at 12:10 a.m., the nurse announces the date and time and Sam looks up at her in shock and blinks away happy tears and says it’s the 24th. It’s my brother’s birthday. Julia is flying high on endorphins; she loves this baby and she loves this man and she even loves his dead brother she never got to meet, and she says it’s got to be a sign; let’s name him Dean.

She takes off her wedding ring, just this once, to have Dean’s birthdate engraved on the inside. Sam does the same with his own ring. He insists they go to a jeweler who will engrave while they wait, rather than leaving the rings there. She waves a hand at her lumpy postpartum body. You afraid someone’s gonna make a move on all this if you don’t keep a ring on it?

He laughs at her and says you’re onto me, even though he’s the one who needs to be locked away, still with that long lean runner’s body and the amazing shoulders and the goddamn dimples. I just don’t like us being without them, he says. He is a sweet, sentimental fool and she adores him. He bends down to kiss her, carefully maneuvering the baby he’s wearing in a sling, and Julia looks at this man and this baby and this life she didn’t think she was get to have and knows she’s happier than she has any right to be. And she’s relieved when Sam slips the ring back onto her finger, this ring imbued with the men she loves, so maybe he’s not the only sentimental fool.

(One thing she loves about Sam is that he understands why she feels guilty that Shaun didn’t get to share this life with her.)

In July they light a little candle for Dean’s six-month birthday. When Julia wakes the next morning, Sam’s side of the bed is empty and cold. She finds him cuddling their sleeping baby in the living room. I got up to give him a bottle, Sam says. I guess I just fell asleep out here. His red-rimmed eyes and empty coffee mug suggest he didn’t actually sleep at all, but, well. They’re both battling their own private demons. If a night cradling the baby gives Sam some peace for whatever reason, she’s glad of it.

Sam’s fierce love for their child takes her by surprise. If Julia has 90% of his heart, his son has 110%. He parents with a vengeance, is the only way she can think of to describe it. Like he’s making up for something. She doesn’t feel slighted, but it’s impossible to ignore that ever since Dean was born, Sam’s prime objective has been to make sure the boy is happy and safe. Everything else comes second.

(When she notices Sam has been carefully marking his tattoo symbol onto Dean’s clothing, hidden near seams and always in a color that almost matches the fabric, she decides not to say anything. He gets a little funny about his superstitions sometimes.)

Sam desperately wants Dean to have a sibling, and they try for another one, but it doesn’t happen. Julia reminds him that they’re lucky to have even one child. That having a sibling is not a lifetime guarantee of companionship and love. She should know, after all, since Stephanie cut her off after she married that asshole Scientologist and decided she couldn’t have a relationship with anyone who wasn’t also in their stupid cult.

Dean has plenty of friends and tons of activities, which Sam encourages with an almost religious fervor, but he never pulls away from his parents. They have so much in common, Sam and his son. Instead of rebelling as a teenager, Dean seems to grow even closer to his father. They spend hours together, paging through the ancient books in Sam’s study (she hates them, they smell musty and make her sneeze) or driving in the old Chevrolet. They even travel together sometimes, visiting those friends of Sam’s that live up north somewhere. Julia met them at the wedding and they were perfectly nice, thrilled to death that she and Sam had found each other. But she always feels like an outsider when they’re around, like they’re part of something she’ll never understand. So much history, with Sam and the brother she never got to meet. They absolutely dote on Dean though, and he seems to love them too, so the boys’ trip to Sioux Falls becomes an annual event.

(Dean is 14 years old when he comes home from one of these trips with his own version of the tattoo.)

When Julia is diagnosed with cancer, Dean is 16 years old. Sam does his best to ensure life goes on as normal for their son but somehow never neglects Julia’s needs. He throws himself into research and is always on top of the latest treatment, always at her elbow with the top internet-recommended remedy for her side effects, making sure both she and Dean have everything they want and need, all the attention and support they can tolerate. She doesn’t know when, or if, Sam actually sleeps. When she feels up for it, he arranges experiences for the three of them. A week lying on the beach, a weekend in New York City, a night in the mountains looking at the stars. When we look back on this time, he says, I don’t want us to only remember how much it sucked. I want us all to have good memories too.

(She doesn’t know why he’s concerned about her memories. There’s a good chance she won’t have much time to enjoy them. But it’s good for Dean. She doesn’t want this to ruin Dean’s childhood.)

Sam insists Dean go away to college as planned. Julia agrees, although she’s kind of surprised he’s willing to let the boy out of his sight. Aren’t you going to miss him? she asks.

So much, he answers. But this isn’t about me, and what I need. It’s about him. They drive Dean to school in the ancient Chevrolet. Supposedly because the trunk has room for all of his stuff, but Julia is pretty sure it’s just one last sentimental road trip in the old thing before Sam retires it. When they pick Dean up at the end of the school year, it’s in her SUV. Dean promises his father, more than once, that he’ll restore the Chevy someday.

Five years after Julia’s diagnosis, she’s sitting in the doctor’s office learning that her last remission was her last remission. There are no more options. She has months, not years. Sam clutches her hand and nods, once, as if to say I should have known this would happen; I should have expected something like this. Then he takes her home.

It’s a blessing in a way, he says late that night, after a little too much to drink. Knowing what’s coming. Having time to say goodbye. You don’t always get that. And yes, she knows this as well as anybody does.

Sam has always been supportive of her choice not to contact Stephanie, but one day he says Jules, I promise I’ll never bring it up again. It’s just that I don’t want you to have any regrets. I don’t want you miss the opportunity to say things that you’ll wish you’d said. Julia isn’t sure Steph will speak to her. She’s not even sure she’ll have the same phone number — they haven’t spoken since Dad’s funeral, a year after she was widowed — but she makes the call. And Steph answers. And cries. And comes to visit, where she hugs and cries some more. Sam watches it all with a sad smile for a while, then disappears into the garage to sit in the old Chevy.

When Julia takes her last conscious breaths, Dean is holding one hand and Sam is holding the other. She squeezes her son’s hand and thinks I love you, dear boy, and I’m sorry I have to leave you. She squeezes her husband’s hand and thinks thank you for giving me this, thank you for taking care of me, thank you for loving me and letting me love you. Then she closes her eyes and lets the soft, warm darkness take over.

And then. Then she wakes to a cool breeze and the sound of chirping birds. She’s standing at a lake she recognizes. It’s Shaun’s favorite fishing spot. And Shaun is there, waiting for her. And everything is okay.

Sam does show up eventually. Julia’s sitting on the porch of the cabin with Shaun, enjoying the perpetual nice day (sometimes a spring morning, sometimes a fall afternoon, but always nice) when she hears the familiar rumble. It cant be, she thinks. It can’t be that old car. But it is.

I’m glad you found someone with good taste in cars, Shaun says, as Sam unfolds himself from the driver’s seat. He looks exactly as he did the day she met him; no glasses, only a little grey at his temples. Still tall and strong and beautiful. She runs to meet him and embraces him as Shaun watches from the porch.

You found Shaun, Sam says. I’m so happy for you, Jules. I really am. He doesn’t seem to have any intention of joining her (their) Heaven permanently, but he doesn’t seem to have anyone else with him either. Where is the dead girlfriend? How is this fair?

They talk about Dean, and Julia’s heart swells with pride over her strong, smart, kind, brave son. He’s like you, she says. He’s just like you.

Sam shrugs. He’s a Winchester.

But what about you? she says. You’re not — you’re not alone here, are you?

Nah, he says. I’m good. I promise.

(Eventually Julia meets the first Dean, and she understands.)

===

I know a lot of people have mocked Sam's blurry wife, but I actually have grown to love the concept. Because it means she can be anything we want her to be. And yeah, initially I liked the idea of her being Dr. Cara, or Eileen. But now I don't think that would happen. I think Sam would have to start fresh to have that kind of relationship. And I also like the idea of Sam's wife having her own soulmate somewhere, waiting for her, so she's not a huge part of Sam and Dean's shared Heaven. I mean, they're gonna visit, obviously. And then they'll go home to their soulmates.

The title is from "Blackbird" by the Beatles.