crispyduckpatrol

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MC, quoting random tiktoks: kill john lenon, kill john lenon.

Belphie, Satan, & Levi: *sleeper agent activated*

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Belphie: is it still murder if i give them a heads up?

MC: that's called a threat.

Belphie: damn.

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Lucifer: care to explain the text i got at 1 am last night?

MC: ah, fuck, i'm so sorry, it was autocorrect.

Lucifer: autocorrect wrote "your so hot, please step on me"?

MC: yeah, it's supposed to be "you're".

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Mammon: alright, so you and i are married.

MC: i don't wanna be married.

Mammon: relax, it's just pretend.

MC: i don't wanna pretend.

Mammon: why? scared you'll like it?

MC: okay, if we're married, i want a divorce.

Diavolo, watching from afar: are they like this all the time?

Lucifer: yes, they are.

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Obey Me! Characters as things me and my friends have said (and very out of context) Part 10:

Diavolo: i'm gay. i would kiss a man on the lips.

Beezlebub: these are red onions. get your facts straight.

Mammon: i'm broke, i don't owe you shit.

Satan: *proceeds to drink straight up ranch*

Leviathan: when you can't marry your waifu.

Asmodeus: you had me and lost me at titties.

Belphegor: would you listen to my soundcloud?

Lucifer: now is not the time to be thinking about that. i need to get this fucking essay turned in.

Solomon: i have a question, and no, you cannot answer it with "the bible".

Simeon: oh hello.

Luke: why did i have to be born short?

Barbatos: rat jizz.

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Obey Me! Characters as things me and my friends have said (and very out of context) Part 9:

Satan: well, there goes our bisexual representation in crime shows.

Asmodeus: the handsome dark man? big titty himbo? you know?

Diavolo: oh, wow, that's a dilf.

Simeon: look at this little sassy man.

Barbatos: he's not chaotic, he's just tired.

Beelzebub: food porn.

Leviathan: that- that looks interesting, but i don't need more than one lewd anime on my watchlist.

Solomon: i am the supporting homosexual cast. that is literally my only purpose in life.

Luke: i think there's a kid being sick in the bathroom...

Lucifer: they're screaming and talking about pussy crumbs.

Mammon: i am not a little piss baby!

Belphegor: i seriously can't remember the last time my parents hugged me.

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Mammon, pulling up in a random car:

MC: whose car is that?

Mammon: i don't know, it wasn't locked.

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Simeon: why would you give a child a knife?

Solomon: luke felt unsafe!

Simeon: now i feel unsafe!

Solomon: i'm sorry.

Solomon: ...would you like one too?

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Obey Me! Characters as things me and my friends have said (and very out of context) Elon Musk edition:

Mammon: if you're rich, like elon musk, you can get away with basically any crime.

Satan: please draw elon musk as a cat girl.

Belphegor: elon musk should be hunted for sport.

Leviathan: hey google, where's elon musk from?

Beelzebub: wait, he's south african?

Luke: i don't know who that is.

Simeon: how did we even get on this topic?

Solomon: fold elon musk like a lawn chair.

Asmodeus: is he single?

Diavolo: hot.

Barbatos: you think he would have the heart to donate money to the poor?

Lucifer: what?

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Hi! Sorry if this is really random or awkward but i wanted to ask if i could kinda use the whole “things me and my friends have said as obey me characters” series and use it with my own friends if i credit you?

you definitely can!

[crispyduckpatrol]

Obey Me! Characters as things me and my friends have said (and very out of context) Part 8:

beelzebub: smells like texas roadhouse.

asmodeus: oh my god, you're such a beta.

solomon: ow, i cracked my knuckles by squeezing my crocs too hard.

mammon: i would know, i've done that.

belphegor: i literally forgot you came in and woke me up.

lucifer: trust me, you won't live to tell the tale if you get on my bad side.

diavolo: that feeling when your ass is too big to sit on the edge of the bench.

barbatos: mm. gotta love it when you mix up salt and sugar.

satan: i'm gonna do it. i'm gonna hex my dad.

simeon: we had an agreement!

luke: i didn't know girls could masturbate until this year.

leviathan: who in their right mind would think this is yu-gi-oh? it's yo-kai watch.

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Leviathan: i changed all of my passwords to 'incorrect'.

Satan: why..?

Leviathan: if i forget my password, my devices will remind me 'your password is incorrect'.

Satan: that is the most genius piece of idiocy i have ever heard.

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Belphegor: i don't care if you don't like space puns. i like space puns.

Belphegor: comet me, bro.

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Satan: maybe i over reacted a bit...

MC: a bit? that's like napoleon saying "oh, i just meant to go for a walk, but then i accidentally invaded austria"

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MC: what kind of tea is this?

Solomon: oh, i just boiled some gatorade.

MC:

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[ Before leaving for the Devildom ]

Simeon: it's one school year. what are you afraid is gonna happen?

Luke: injury, death, general calamity.

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Leviathan: sir, that's my emotional support mc, i need them.