#when are teenagers doing any of this stuff????

[whotooksentientwaffle]

Eventually, someone had to notice. Shame it had to be me. Turned out, every human had died in 2038, after the climate had become so inhospitable they started dropping like flies. Probably should have figured it out then.

Anyway, it happened like this: I was out, around 2:00 AM, as usual, looking for a solid victim. I was back in Toronto, visiting a cousin in the Sanguine College, and I needed a snack. We've all had those days, let's be honest.

Anyway, point is I needed a snack so I popped into some dude's apartment on Maplewood Avenue and I had a look at his walls before I took a bite. Let me tell you, I've never seen that many posters of werewolves, even when I was a teenager talking to furries in 2003. Connected two and two, added some dots, realized some stuff, talked to a few friends, turns out none of us had seen a real, honest-to-god human since 2038! Imagine that! Two hundred damn years of living in terror of their greater numbers, two hundred years of slinking in the night, of watching the moon, of being careful not to cast a spell in public, and it turns out they're all dead!

So obviously we took this to my boss. Doctor Magnus Schrenn, an old German man with a weird obsession with clocks. We told him, he asked around, some of his contacts asked around, and it got confirmed. Hell if any of us knew what to do. At that point I think the Elders were still considering a Shadow War with the werewolves, but honestly I think the realization we were it kinda snapped them out of it.

Because we are it. The rules are the rules. No conscious Embracing of non-humans, be they mages, werewolves, shapeshifters, whatever. Now, everyone knew their neighbour was something, which means no embraces, no mage ascensions, no shapeshifter evolutions, nothing. Welcome to Earth, Population: Growing, but barely.

God, help us.

Humanity went extinct. However, the supernatural creatures pretending to be human were so good at it that no one realized there were no more humans for over 200 years.

[kiwriteswords]

Maybe some already together hotch and reader parenting Jack?

Heartstrings Attached [Aaron Hotchner x Female Reader]

Masterlist || Ao3||Word Count: 3k|| AN: this was fun and really nothing like I have written before! I was re-watching The Nanny pilot where Maggie has her first kiss and Mr. Sheffield's reaction made me wonder how Hotch would react to Jack dating!

Tags/Warnings: established relationship, family vibes, mentions of Haley's death, Teenage Jack Hotchner, Jack's first kiss, Jack's first crush, Jack's first heartbreak, Sad Hotch Hours, Missing Haley Hotchner Hours, hurt/comfort, Jack preferring Reader over Hotch, angsty Jack, No mention of if Reader is BAU or not, future fic, fluffy fluff fluff

Summary: Navigating parenthood is hard enough, but add in teenage love and angst, and Hotch was in for it--grateful to have you at his side, he struggles when Jack prefers your comfort to his own.

In the Hotchner household, evenings typically unfolded with a quiet kind of routine, the kind that comes with the stability of an established relationship and shared space. But tonight, as Aaron Hotchner watched Jack, now a teenager taller than himself, pacing back and forth in your living room, he sensed a disruption to your usual peace.

Jack had always been an anxious kid--much of that hung on Aaron’s shoulders, from all that his job took from and brought into Jack’s life. 

"You seem... preoccupied," Aaron remarked, his voice calm as he set aside the case file he'd been reading. Jack stopped pacing and glanced at his father, then at you, who were curled up on the other end of the couch with a book in hand.

"It's nothing," Jack muttered, clearly wrestling with whether to share more. You looked over at Aaron, giving him a subtle nod, an unspoken signal between the two of you that said, 'Give him a minute.'

After a brief pause, Jack sighed and turned towards you, his expression torn between embarrassment and the trust he'd come to place in you over the years. "Actually, I... there's this girl at school."

You set your book down, your full attention on Jack. "Oh? What about her?" you asked gently.

Jack blushed, his hands shoved deep into his pockets as he mumbled, "I kinda like her. A lot. And I think she might like me too, but I don’t know what to do about it."

Aaron observed the exchange, feeling a twinge of something unfamiliar. Jealousy? No, it was more akin to inadequacy. Here was his son, coming to you with matters he was too embarrassed to discuss with his own father. But watching the ease with which Jack confided in you softened any hard feelings; if anything, it filled him with gratitude.

"What do you like about her?" you inquired, your voice laced with interest and devoid of any judgment.

"She's funny, and she likes a lot of the stuff I do. And she’s really smart," Jack explained, his eyes lighting up as he spoke.

"That sounds wonderful, Jack," you responded, smiling encouragingly. "Have you guys talked much?"

"Yeah, at lunch and stuff. I just... don't know if I should tell her how I feel, or even how to do that," Jack confessed, looking towards his father now.

Aaron cleared his throat, feeling suddenly on the spot. "Well, Jack, the truth is, being honest about your feelings is usually the best approach. It’s not easy, but it’s straightforward. Just... be yourself," Aaron advised, trying to recall how he’d navigated his own youthful crushes, which felt like a lifetime ago.

"You think I should just tell her?" Jack asked, his tone a mix of hope and nerves.

"I do," Aaron said, nodding. "But maybe you could start by asking her to hang out, just the two of you. See how it goes from there."

Jack considered this for a moment, then turned to you. "What do you think?"

"I agree with your dad," you said, your gaze soft yet earnest. "And whatever happens, we're here for you. It's okay to be nervous, and it's okay if things don't go exactly how you plan. What's important is that you're honest and respectful."

Jack nodded, taking in the advice from both of you. "Thanks," he said, a genuine smile breaking through his earlier anxious demeanor. "I think I’ll ask her to the movies this weekend."

"That sounds like a great idea," you encouraged, and Aaron couldn’t help but smile at the warm, supportive dynamic that had blossomed between you and Jack. It wasn’t the traditional picture of a family, perhaps, but it was yours, and it was filled with love and understanding.

Later that evening, as Jack headed upstairs, Aaron lingered behind with you, his expression thoughtful. "Thank you," he murmured, reaching for your hand. "For being here, for being you. For making things like this easier for him... and for me."

You squeezed his hand, leaning into him slightly. "We’re a team, Aaron. And I love being a part of this family."

He nodded, the weight of his earlier feelings of inadequacy lifting in the comfort of your presence. In this household, amidst the quiet routines and the occasional teenage turmoil, Aaron found not just solace but a deep, enduring partnership. And as he looked at you, he knew with certainty that together, there was nothing you couldn't handle.

Aaron Hotchner watched his son, Jack, meticulously adjust his collar for the third time in the mirror. The teenager's movements were stiff, each motion betraying a level of tension that Aaron knew all too well—it was a mirror to his own.

"You look great, Jack. She's going to think so, too," Aaron commented, attempting a reassuring tone as he leaned against the doorway of Jack’s room.

Jack met his father's gaze in the mirror, his eyes flashing briefly with a familiar intensity. "What if I don’t even know what to say? What if—"

"Jack," Aaron interjected, a bit more sharply than intended, "you've prepared enough. Overthinking it won't help."

The words were meant to steady, but they landed like a challenge. Jack turned abruptly, his expression hardening. "You don’t understand. It’s easy for you to say—"

Aaron felt a prickle of irritation. "Jack, I’m trying to help you. There’s no reason to—"

"Yeah, by telling me I’m overthinking? Thanks a lot," Jack snapped, his tone biting, and stormed past Aaron towards the stairs.

You appeared at the bottom of the staircase, having caught the tail end of the exchange. Your expression was one of concern mixed with calm. "Everything okay?" you asked, looking from Jack’s retreating back to Aaron’s tight expression.

Aaron sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. "He’s just nervous," he muttered, following you and Jack to the car.

The ride to the movie theater was tense, the air thick with unspoken apologies and frustrations. Aaron drove, his hands gripping the steering wheel a little too tightly, while you sat beside him, offering a gentle presence. In the backseat, Jack was silent, lost in his own whirlwind of teenage angst.

When you arrived at the theater, Jack unbuckled his seatbelt and paused, his hand on the door. He seemed to struggle with himself for a moment before turning slightly. "Sorry for snapping, Dad. I’m just... really nervous."

Aaron nodded, a mixture of relief and concern in his eyes. "It’s okay, Jack. Just be yourself, she’ll see how great you are."

Jack managed a small, grateful smile before stepping out of the car and into the evening crowd. As he walked away, Aaron watched him go, a pang of helplessness touching his heart. It wasn’t just about tonight; it was the creeping realization of how much he would have to learn to navigate as Jack grew up.

You reached over, touching Aaron’s arm. "He’s going to be fine," you murmured. "And so are you."

Aaron let out a breath he hadn’t realized he’d been holding. "It never gets easier, does it? Letting them face things on their own."

You shook your head, your smile gentle. "No, but we do get better at trusting them to handle it. And Jack knows he has us to come back to, no matter how it goes."

Aaron glanced at you, the steady assurance in your voice grounding him. "I don’t know what I’d do without you," he admitted, the weight of his role as a single parent momentarily overwhelming.

"You’d do just fine," you assured him, squeezing his arm. "But you don’t have to. We’re in this together, remember?"

He smiled then, a genuine smile that reached his eyes. "Together," he echoed, feeling the truth of that word deep in his bones.

As you and Aaron drove back home, the earlier tension melted away, replaced by a comfortable silence that spoke of shared burdens and joint victories. In that moment, Aaron knew that whatever challenges lay ahead with Jack, or with anything else, they were surmountable—as long as you were there beside him.

When Aaron and you arrived at the theater to pick up Jack, the sight of him waiting by the curb instantly signaled a change. There was a lightness in his step, a barely contained energy that was unusual for the typically composed teenager.

Jack slid into the backseat, a faint, almost secretive smile playing at the corners of his lips. He said nothing as Aaron pulled away from the curb, glancing occasionally in the rearview mirror at his son. Jack’s eyes were bright, his usual tension nowhere to be seen, replaced by an excited glimmer that Aaron had rarely witnessed.

The car was quiet, the silence stretching as Aaron and you exchanged knowing looks. Both of you could sense the bubbling enthusiasm Jack was struggling to contain, yet neither of you wanted to press him, giving him the space to share in his own time.

Finally, unable to bear the suspense any longer and always more attuned to breaking the ice, you turned slightly in your seat to face Jack. “So? How was the movie?” you asked, your voice casual but tinged with an undercurrent of excitement for him.

Jack’s response was immediate, his words tumbling out in a rush. “It was awesome! We...” He paused, a flush spreading across his cheeks, and then he burst out with it. “We kissed! It was my first kiss.”

Aaron’s eyes met Jack’s in the rearview mirror, a smile breaking across his face at his son's joyous exclamation. The car filled with a warm, buoyant energy, the kind that comes from witnessing a milestone in someone you love dearly.

“That’s great, Jack!” you exclaimed, your delight evident. “How do you feel?”

Jack laughed, a sound of pure happiness. “I like her so much. She’s amazing. And the kiss was... it was perfect, I think. I mean, I don’t really have anything to compare it to, but...” His voice trailed off, and he shrugged, almost sheepishly.

Aaron listened, his heart swelling with a mix of pride and a poignant touch of sadness at the reminders of his own first experiences with love. “It sounds like you had a really good time,” he said, his tone supportive. “I’m happy for you, Jack.”

“Thanks, Dad. And thank you,” Jack added, looking at you. “For the advice and... just for being there.”

You nodded, your expression soft. “Anytime, Jack. We’re both so happy it went well.”

The rest of the drive home was filled with Jack sharing more details about the evening—the movie they’d barely watched, the nervous moments leading up to the kiss, and his plans to see her again. Aaron drove, listening and occasionally glancing back at Jack, who seemed to grow with each word he spoke.

When you all arrived home, Jack bounded out of the car with a quick, “Thanks for the ride!” before heading inside, no doubt eager to relive the evening in his mind.

Aaron turned to you, his eyes reflecting a complex mix of emotions. “He’s growing up fast,” he murmured, the reality hitting him anew.

You reached over, taking his hand. “He is. But he’s growing up well, Aaron. That’s all we can ask for.”

Aaron squeezed your hand in response, the solidity of your presence grounding him. “Yes, that’s all we can ask for,” he agreed, the pride evident in his voice. As you headed into the house together, Aaron felt a profound gratitude for the family you had become, imperfections and all, bound together by moments of simple, shared joy like tonight.

Over dinner, Jack's enthusiasm was infectious. As he detailed his plans to woo his new crush with flowers and romantic gestures straight out of the movies, Aaron couldn't help but share amused, knowing glances with you across the table. Every so often, Jack would catch them mid-glance and roll his eyes, a grin unable to hide his embarrassment.

"You think I'm being too cheesy, don't you?" Jack asked a playful accusation in his tone.

"Not at all," you replied, smiling warmly at him. "It's sweet. It's nice to see someone still believes in doing romantic things. Flowers are always a good idea."

Aaron nodded in agreement, watching as Jack considered your advice. "Just make sure you pick ones she likes," he added. "It shows you pay attention."

Jack nodded enthusiastically, absorbing every piece of advice like a sponge. "I’ll find out what her favorites are," he resolved.

The conversation lingered on lighter topics as you finished eating, but the warmth of family and shared understanding lingered in the air.

Later that night, as Aaron and you were getting ready for bed, the atmosphere shifted to a quieter, more reflective mood. You turned to Aaron as he was folding his clothes, a soft smile playing on your lips. "You know, Jack is a lot like you," you mused. "Even as a teenager, he’s got your sweetness. And he gets this giddy excitement about someone he cares about—just like you."

Aaron met your gaze in the mirror, a hint of a smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. "Was I that obvious?" he asked, though he already knew the answer.

"Completely," you teased gently, stepping closer. "I still remember our early days. Despite your stoic exterior, you had this way of showing your excitement that was... really endearing."

He turned to face you fully, his expression softening. "I guess some things don’t change," he admitted, reaching out to tuck a loose strand of hair behind your ear. "I still feel that way, you know. Every day with you."

Your eyes lit up at his words, and you leaned into his touch. "And I love that about you, Aaron. It’s the little things you do, the way you show you care. It’s never lost on me."

The conversation lingered in the air, settling warmly around them like a blanket. It reminded Aaron of how much he still wanted to make you feel special, how even the simplest gestures could speak volumes.

"Jack gave me a good reminder; I think I’ll buy you flowers tomorrow," Aaron declared softly, more to himself than to you.

You chuckled softly, your eyes twinkling with affection. "I’d like that," you said. 

As you finished getting ready for bed, the connection between them felt as fresh and exciting as it did in the early days of your relationship, a testament to the enduring nature of deep, genuine love.

It wasn’t long until the atmosphere of the Hotchner household shifted dramatically one afternoon when Jack burst through the front door, his usual calm demeanor replaced by a storm of teenage angst. He rushed past Aaron and you, not stopping to greet or even acknowledge either of you, his footsteps thundering up the stairs. Moments later, his bedroom door slammed shut with a force that echoed down the hallway.

You and Aaron exchanged a look of concern, both sensing the gravity of whatever had upset Jack so deeply. Aaron's jaw set in a familiar, determined line as he made his way to Jack's room, knocking softly despite the previous display of anger.

"Jack, can we talk?" Aaron called through the door, his voice calm but firm.

There was a tense pause, then a muffled, "Go away," from inside.

Aaron opened the door anyway, stepping into Jack’s room to find him sitting on the edge of his bed, his face buried in his hands. "Jack, whatever it is, I’m here to help," Aaron offered, trying to bridge the gap with understanding.

Jack looked up, his eyes red and his expression one of raw, unguarded pain. "You wouldn’t understand," he snapped, his words laced with frustration. "You met Mom in school and then found Y/N so easily after Mom passed. You’ve never had your heart broken like this."

The comment stung, bringing with it a flood of memories—of Haley, of loss, of the deepest kind of heartbreak Aaron had ever known. But he had to laugh internally at the irony; Jack had no idea what real heartbreak was, yet his feelings were valid in their own teenage context.

"Jack, I may not understand exactly what you're feeling right now, but I’ve experienced loss, more than just once. I can try to help," Aaron said, his voice even despite the emotional undercurrent.

Aaron looked around his son’s room--oh, how it had changed so much over the last few years. The legos and drawings now replaced with soccer trophies and posters.

"It’s not the same!" Jack retorted, his anger flaring again. "You don’t get it. She said she just wants to be friends, after everything... after the kiss. I thought... I don’t know what I thought."

Aaron sat down beside him, trying to close the distance. "It’s tough, feeling like you’ve been pushed aside," he offered. "But it doesn’t diminish what you felt, or what you meant to each other."

Jack shook his head, the rejection too fresh, too raw. "Just leave, Dad. Please," he murmured, not meeting Aaron's eyes.

Respecting his son’s request, Aaron stood and left the room, the door closing softly behind him this time. He returned downstairs, where you were waiting, having sensed that the conversation might not have gone smoothly.

Aaron relayed the interaction to you, his features tight with concern and helplessness. "He’s really hurting," Aaron confessed, the weight of his role as a father feeling particularly heavy.

You stepped closer, wrapping your arms around him. "You did what you could. He just needs some time," you reassured him, your voice soothing. "Heartbreak is a part of growing up, as hard as it is to watch. He'll learn from this, with us to support him."

Aaron nodded, leaning into your embrace, grateful for your presence and perspective. "It’s just hard, seeing him go through it," he admitted. "Makes me wish I could shield him from all the pain."

"But then he wouldn’t really grow, would he?" you pointed out gently. "All we can do is be here when he’s ready to talk, ready to heal."

"Right," Aaron agreed, taking a deep breath and letting it out slowly. "Thank you," he added, the gratitude in his voice reflecting more than just thanks for this moment—it was for every moment you stood by him, helping him navigate the complexities of fatherhood and life itself. Together, you would be ready for when Jack decided to open up, ready to guide him through the pain toward healing.

Later that evening, as Aaron sat in the living room thumbing through an old case file, he couldn't shake the image of Jack’s hurt expression. He was roused from his thoughts by the sound of footsteps descending the stairs. Looking up, he saw Jack hesitating at the foot of the staircase, his eyes darting between Aaron and the hallway where you were.

"Dad, can I talk to Y/N?" Jack asked quietly, his voice revealing his vulnerability.

Aaron felt a pang in his chest, torn between relief that Jack was seeking comfort and a sting of jealousy that it wasn’t from him. He thought of Haley, of how things might have been different if she were here, but then he looked at you, emerging from the hallway behind Jack, and his heart filled with gratitude. You had become an integral part of their lives, filling spaces he hadn't known were empty.

"Of course, Jack," Aaron replied, managing a supportive smile as he watched you approach, your presence reassuring and steady.

You gave Aaron a gentle look that seemed to understand his mixed emotions before turning your attention to Jack. "Let’s talk, okay?" you said softly, guiding Jack back to his room for privacy.

Left alone with his thoughts, Aaron reflected on his journey—the loss of Haley, the challenges of single parenthood, and the unexpected blessing of finding love again with you. It was a complex tapestry of grief and new beginnings.

When you and Jack reappeared a while later, there was a noticeable shift in Jack’s demeanor. He seemed calmer, more composed, and he walked straight up to Aaron.

"I’m sorry for pushing you away earlier, Dad. I didn’t mean to," Jack apologized, his eyes earnest.

Aaron stood, setting aside the file, and pulled Jack into a hug. "It’s okay, Jack. I understand. It’s not easy, and I’m here whenever you need to talk, okay?"

Jack nodded, returning the embrace. "Thanks, Dad."

As they settled onto the couch, Aaron next to you and Jack opposite, the atmosphere was lighter. Aaron felt the need to address the earlier tension and offer some fatherly advice.

"Jack, life... it throws a lot at us. Heartbreak, loss—it’s all part of it. But so is happiness and love," Aaron began, his eyes flicking to you, then back to Jack. "You have plenty of time to find your happy ending. And sometimes, it happens when you least expect it."

He reached over, taking your hand in his, a silent testament to his words.

Jack smiled, a touch of red coloring his cheeks as he understood the implication. "I guess you’re right. I’ve got time."

"And remember, no matter what, you’re never alone," you added, squeezing Aaron’s hand. "We’re both here for you, always."

The rest of the evening passed with a new sense of understanding and closeness among you all. Aaron felt a deep sense of peace as he looked at you and Jack--his family. At this moment, he knew that despite the trials and the losses, you had found a way to build something enduring and real. And for Aaron, you were indeed his happy ending, the unexpected joy that had come from a time of great loss.

Tag List: @zaddyhotch @estragos @todorokishoe24 @looking1016  @khxna @rousethemouse @averyhotchner @reidfile @bernelflo @lover-of-books-and-tea @frickin-bats @sleepysongbirdsings @justyourusualash @person-005 @iyskgd @hiireadstuff @kcch-ns @alexxavicry

[ckret2]

CULT LEADER AT 14 ?? WHY WASN'T EUCLIDEAN CPS CALLED IM CRYING /Rhetorical, but I am genuinely curious. Kids/teens are smarter than people assume and his actions are his own, but he's barely a teenager at this point. Unless there's some law added to the story (which I doubt) the logical conclusion I've come to is that his parents just scared any case workers off lmao. The real CPS has a habit of being useless, especially in cases similar to Bill's, with little (or hidden) physical abuse/neglect. Also you can get them to leave by telling them to. Not ideal.

For the same reason the CPS wasn't called on Gideon for having a burgeoning cultlike fandom over his child psychic routine.

The CPS isn't called in over child performers—child movie stars, child TV actors, child singers. The CPS isn't called in over kid influencers on family vlogger channels with millions of viewers. The CPS isn't called in over child preachers, child healers, child psychics. Even when they really, really should be.

(There's been some high profile criminal cases over child abuse on family vlogs lately—but every story about a family like that being held responsible for abuse is a story about how long they got away with it without anybody doing a thing.)

Bill's parents did spiritually-themed speaking engagements. They started bringing their kid on stage with them—how adorable, a family act!—and he did a cute little child psychic routine, he could go up to strangers and tell them their names, he could tell them what was in their wallets, he knew details about their medical histories—sometimes details THEY didn't know yet. ("congratulations, do you have a name for the baby yet?" "a name for the what?" "whoops! ... do you want me to spoil what shape it'll be?")

What harm is there in a family that does public speaking letting their child join in on the performance? He's talented, popular, seems to be having fun.

They're more successful, they do more shows, he's performing a larger proportion of the shows. Well, sure, of course he is, the audience loves his parts. He's very charismatic. Charming, engaging, enthusiastic. Who would tell him to stop? He's so enthusiastic about participating. He's even started preaching some—very spiritual stuff, the details are a little muddy but hey, he's young, but he's compelling and it's clear he believes this stuff and he's doing such good work spreading hope and positivity to their audience.

He's missing some school to travel for speaking engagements, but hey, he's still doing well enough to make it to the next grade, and when he's clearly found his passion so young wouldn't it be a shame to coop him up and make him hide his light under a barrel?

When his parents are interviewed they talk about what a gift their golden child is and how they're awed by his talents and grateful to have him in their lives. When he's interviewed he talks about how much he loves speaking to audiences, making that little connection with so many of them, how he's so happy to see how happy they are when he comes on stage. He talks about how he'd love to have a radio show or do international tours someday. He wants to reach as many people as possible.

He's now doing the majority of the speaking—because he has such a talent for it, because the audiences come to hear him, because they like what he's saying and want to hear more of it, and he's eager to oblige.

After middle school they announce that he's "switching to home schooling" to make more time for speaking—and what's wrong with that? Lots of child performers with demanding schedules find creative ways to fit their schooling around their concerts or filming or shows or speaking engagements or whatever it is they do.

Anyone who's close enough to him to know he's dropped his education altogether is close enough to him that they're in on the con, so they're not gonna do anything about it. Who could imagine that a kid that well-spoken could be uneducated. Nobody in his audience is standing up to challenge the child psychic to prove he knows how to do algebra.

His mother dies, very tragic. The family withdraws for a little bit; then they're back on the road, saying that's what his mother would want for him. They do a brief little tribute to her at shows. He says that she's speaking to him from beyond. If you believe in the things he professes to believe, it's very very sweet.

If you don't believe, this is a red flag. But goddamn, "I don't believe in that family's religious beliefs" is NO grounds to investigate a family.

He starts getting combative with people who try to criticize him. That's not too weird, he's a teenager, it's not a sign of abuse, just immaturity. He can't always be the perfect angel he is on stage—and by god, if some snotty scientist is trying to undermine his spiritual claims, he SHOULD get mad! The kind of people paying close attention to him are the kind of people who believe in him. When he gets mad, he's expressing their collective righteous anger. They're on his side.

Rumors start spreading about him sneaking out to parties and getting trashed way too young. It sounds like a bunch of slander, it's just rumors, somebody's trying to undermine the reputation of this fine young triangle. Anyway, even if it's true, "nearly-adult teen is sneaking out to party and coming home drunk" isn't a sign of abuse, that's a thing kids do. That's a problem for his father to address, not the government.

Nobody outside of his immediate family learns about his uncle's death at one of his shows.

By the time this young triangle's dangerously incandescent temper has built up to the point that it starts to dominate his reputation and the public knows how vitriolic he is, he's legally an adult. There's no grounds for an investigation. He can't be taken away from his father, his father lives in his house. He's bringing in the money, he's calling the shots, and he has been for years.

So, take all that: "Why wasn't the Euclidean CPS called?"

Why would they be?

Even if they were, all a case worker would have found is a tightly-knit family that doesn't have a single bad word to say about each other to outsiders, and a home filled wall to wall with their son's accolades—news articles, trophies, pictures.

[reallife6anoufriev6boy6]

artkita family stimboard when ^^??

-🫀 anon ^_^

artkita family stimboard

im SO happy to finally get to do this… this has been in my drafts. okay listen, i think artyom would hate his family and abuse his malewife as much as the next guy… but i am so incredibly depressed i need to imagine them as a happy couple with children.

also for my headcanons just pretend that artyom and nikita got better, moved to america, and became a happy gay couple…❤️

(im actually writing a fanfic similar to this.)

artyom definitely works as a doctor so theyre a little more well off and he likes to spoil their kid(s) with nice little trips or things here and there. he also likes to spoil nikita with nice things.

because hes a doctor hes not home all the time which leaves nikita to do a lot of the work. i feel like he would be a stay at home dad since he has poor mental health and is working on himself #selfloveking but he takes care of the kid(s) nicely.

artyom is the dad they go to for all the advice and logical stuff while nikita is the dad they go to for comfort and help. artyom never got very good at comforting and nikita never got very good at giving advice, so it works out.

they also go to artyom for any kind of medical things. anytime their kid(s) get sick hes the one to help with it and he’ll also help when they get hurt/cut… he will clean the wound and put a bandaid on it just for them. hehehe.

nikita is usually the one to put their kid(s) to bed because artyom is always so busy working/not home and i think theyd make it into a whole production. nice shower/baths and then he would tuck them into bed, but he would always get stuck there telling them stories and such… he ends up falling asleep with them.

i dont care what anyone says about this, but they need to own cats. at least two of them. it would be so cute.

their kids have definitely seem pictures and videos of them from when they were teenagers/kids and they think they looked so cool. one time they even convinced artyom to grow his hair back out which he did a little bit, so then they played with his hair and styled it.

nikita had also introduced them to purgen and gave them his old hoodie which they wear all the time. the band really grew on them and now they listen to the music together all the time.

nikita and artyom have both pushed their kid(s) to pursue music in some way. artyom has definitely taught their kid(s) how to play guitar while nikita taught them how to use certain music equipment and sound things.

they for sure both taught their kid(s) how to speak russian and they use it frequently in their household. they switch between using english and russian all the time in their sentences.

on that note, their kid(s) also grew up watching and reading russian kids shows and stories.

when the kid(s) are having a bad day and are cuddled up with nikita he will run his fingers through their hair or rub their back while he hums the tunes to some of the old songs he used to sing.

when artyom has off and they have someone to watch the kid(s) then him and nikita will go on little dates and trips to have time for themselves. it doesnt matter where, they just enjoy the break.

artyom and nikita definitely had to go through a lot of therapy and work to even get to where they are now. they both got over their issues and artyom cares for nikita a lot. i think nikita would have to take meds for things and would struggle to even get up a lot, so artyom will remind him to take his pills and stuff. when nikita is absolutely stuck in bed artyom will gladly take care of everything around the house.

artyom has an office at home that he works from sometimes, but when hes working in there a lot of the time their kid(s) will interrupt him and try to bother him as much as possible so nikita always has to come and get them out.

at night though when nikita puts the kids to bed and artyoms still working in his office he will go in there and be with him. it starts with him leaning on the desk, then sitting on the arm of the chair, before sitting in his lap and watching him work. its only a matter of time before hew completely distracted and theyre flirting/loving up on each other.

[endreal]

hey OP, I hope you don't mind my millennial perspective on this post. as someone who belongs to the poorly-defined "generation" you're talking about and also as someone who's had this done to me by older folks about everything from rotary phones to floppy disks and Gone With The Wind to M*A*S*H, my extremely non-expert opinion is that this trend is probably related to awareness and wealth. I reckon that due to the ways people who are adults or, frankly, especially teenagers relate to the world around them and to popular culture and media, they're more adept at seeing trends emerge and rise to prominence than people who were children in that time period. For instance, the near-complete shift from VHS to DVD was so much more about "is the old technology being produced?" and less about "is the old technology still there?". when you walk into a store and the shelves are full of disks instead of tapes then it's clear to thr grownups that "nobody uses vhs any more".

and I think this ties into the second thing very neatly too, bc the old technology is still around - just because it's no longer the major trend doesn't mean that it has just vanished. and folks with less money are less able to adopt to new trends that require any amount of purchasing, so even after the landscape has changed you'll have a large (but dwindling-over-time) minority of people still using the old stuff. and yeah that minority of users will include enthusiasts of the old thing and intentional resisters, but mostly it'll be people who haven't changed yet bc they can't afford to, whether that's to do with their economic class position or the fact that they're kids who don't have their own financial autonomy yet.

idk, mostly I just think it's interesting how this conversation recycles itself with slightly different references points every 7ish years. who know what exciting new things gen α will get annoyed with us for thinking they don't know about in 2032? :)

dude being a zillennial in any conversations about generational differences online is so fucking weird because you'll see millennials post shit like "omg gen z doesn't even know what a vhs player is" and it's like... i was born in 2001... i used a vhs player for most of my childhood... "only 90s kids will remember portable cd players!" i had multiple over the years and i didnt stop buying cds even when i was in middle school, i'd just rip them for my ipod instead.

and yet they talk about this stuff like it's ancient history and everyone born in 2000 or after simply cannot know of these things, let alone have experience with them... lmfao?

[teapot-tyrant]

Twst characters but they are customers at the store I work at (except it's just Heartslabyul and Savanaclaw bc this is a shitpost that probably won't do well)

Heartslabyul:

❤️Ace: Obnoxious teenager there with his parents. Probably rocks the camo jacket like half the teenage boys I see on a daily basis and is begrudgingly forced to help his parents put stuff in the buggy (but not bag them). Honestly, I don't think his family would be the type to buy bags in the first place either. Just tossing shit straight in the cart.

♠️Deuce: The counterpart to Ace. Is a regular with his mom, and probably will join in on the banter between the two of us. Offers to bag groceries for me and I know for a FACT that Dylla/Dilah Spade always has those reusable bags on her. One of my favorite kinds of customers tbh. Definitely a customer that I wouldn't know the name of but would have a nickname for in my head.

♣️Trey: Always has a cart full of various baking items and is willing to chat about whatever he's making this time. One time we had a really good sale on mouthwash though and he had like 3 large bottles in his cart or something and that earned him the moniker "mouthwash guy". Is a regular and always scans his rewards card before I can even ask; also always needs to buy bags and will ask beforehand. Can't explain that last one but it just makes sense.

♦️Cater: SUPER chatty customer that I probably started chatting to after he interjected on a convo between my coworkers and I. Doesn't usually have that much to buy, and if he even has a cart, it's usually one of the small ones (we don't have baskets but that's a diff story). Semi-regular who probably doesn't have a rewards card but always asks to sign up for one. If he DOES have a rewards card though, he always says he's gonna save the points for gas and then forgets and they expire. Again, can't explain this one but it makes sense to me. Probably also tends to go thru U-Scan or Express most of the time anyways because those lend themselves better to chatting, believe it or not.

🌹Riddle: Not usually him I see on a regular, but his mom. I have beef with her as a customer because she yelled at me the first time I asked if she wanted to buy bags. And then yelled bc I bagged things wrong even tho I asked if she had any preferences. He came in for her once or twice, though, and while he's still super particular with how things are bagged, he communicates it with me when I ask. Has probably asked if I'm supposed to be "doing that" (standing around and leaning on my bagging counter) though when I don't have any customers in line. Would not wanna be his coworker.

Savanaclaw:

🦁Leona: I like to think Leona would probably do doordash orders and not actually come in himself. The ONE time he came in, though, it would be to buy like... One random ass thing and NOTHING ELSE. probably also went through U-Scan and didn't go through the lines and yk what? Me too.

🍩 Ruggie: Fellow part-timer that also runs door dash on his days off. An exception to the customers rule because I think he WOULD be a coworker of mine and probably is fun to gossip with when standing on U-Scan. Probably gets into trouble though bc he'd probably be more interested in chatting than watching the registers. Anyways when he does door dash it's fun though because he always has insane orders of like two tiny items that I have to bag ANYWAYS. That or he's doordashing for Leona and it's a cart that's full of meat on sale and other shit and it's kinda insane but yk what ain't my business bc people come thru with buggies full of pork chops all the time because of BBQs and parties so. Eh. Probably got in trouble once for scanning his rewards card for customers that didn't bring theirs.

🐺Jack: Genuinely nice customer. Not super talkative but is still receptive to my NPC dialogue-ass work script. Bought some succulents over the summer and we had a slight conversation over it but probably nothing crazier than that. It's usually just him and his parents but every once in a while his siblings are also there and he's usually a bit more talkative in those cases. Another customer I would enjoy having in my line.

[hiswrlds]

Ok so I needed to write this out at some point & with how the rpc is growing I need to specify some things about my portrayal, I was hoping I wouldn't need to do this cuz I'm really bad at explaining themes & stuff but it'd help anyone new get a vibe of things instead of just hoping they'd get it from checking out my blog ( my bad for that ), so here goes vibes & how it affects interactions . tw : l o n g & subjective to updates !

My writing for Sonic adopts years as silent killers, it focuses on passage of time as I hc the events of the games to have spanned over 8-10 years, with Sonic being 24 in his main current verse here . My writing also takes Everything seriously . And I tend to rewrite half the canon events in my head in a way that suits me ( & you, ultimately ) . "Forces" specifically is very important to my portrayal, as Sonic survives his 6 months of hell w/ Eggman & Infinite, just not unaltered . And then there is the whole war . Though reserved, warm & compassionate as he could ever be, Sonic's grown from a careless punk of a teenager into a refined, mellow adventurer who's much more genuine & wise about life how he handles a lot of situations . There are parts of him that won't ever change, but that doesn't mean he just comes out continuously unaltered after every adventure he's been through . He carries stories, loneliness & a lot of bittersweet memories, and darker ones too, but it's his steadfast resolve to remain kind & composed that keeps things together .

If your muse is games canon, especially part of the main cast, then it means they've been by Sonic's side since long & witnessed just as much along the way, that's why I prefer plotting & creating dynamics on our own a lot more than sticking to whatever Sega is doing . Please don't walk into my blog expecting a blue insufferable nuisance & I mean that in a derogatory way . My writing for him does not tie to any canon material besides the ones written on my page, Sonic can & will always be a bastard but he's not childish or "annoying", he's aloof, chill & 90% of the time he's off doing fuck all in god's knows where by himself . Threads & memes that just repeat the same theme of Oh Sonic is stupid or Oh Sonic is annoying make me feel so discouraged & unmotivated to write, he's a very nuanced & interesting character to write, don't force the fandom's or sega's picture of him onto my portrayal, they've mostly forgotten how to write him by now .

Don't get me wrong, your muse is allowed to call Sonic names however they please as long as it's properly in character for them to have such a perspective, I'm not going to get mad about such things . I just don't want these characteristics to be the focus of the dynamics between our muses when there are many, many other good things we can explore .

tldr ; learn about Sonic from me and not from canon media, don't baby or nerf him ( emotionally, mentally ), plot with me, form something special, I'm holding your hand .

[theoraekenslover]

I lost a fic again

This one is a (past) Joel Miller x reader then (present) Frankie Morales x reader

It starts off with a small series (I think it’s a two parter) of Joel x reader where they’re neighbors and they’ve been together for (I think) seven years, but never officially, Joel never lets her stay the night, always kicks her out right after they’re done, but she’s always doing everything for Joel and Sarah, neither of them ever really showing any sort of appreciation.

Reader lives right next door with her mom so her mom (and their neighbors) all see how Joel treats her

Then Sarah’s mom shows up and he breaks up (? Idk he was an asshole and after seven years never made it official) with her to be with Sarah’s mom, and Sarah also leaves her, even though reader raised her, and so reader and her mother leave and move to the city. Incidentally, the night they leave is the same night that Sarah’s mom finally had enough and left Joel and Sarah again after using his money and being drunk all of the time, she left him with this man she was cheating on him with (they got back together to try and “work things out,” hence why he left reader) and Sarah and Joel are left distraught because now there’s nobody to do everything for them, cleaning, cooking, just doing everything.

This is where the next series starts (the Frankie one, it's way longer than the other one)

Reader moves to city with mom and meets Frankie, they’re together and she’s friends with his boys and their wives/girlfriends

A little bit into their relationship, they run into Tommy and Maria (at a diner I think while reader is on the phone (FaceTime I think) with Frankie) and they’re (mostly just Tommy, if Maria at all) trying to convince her to go back to Joel, Frankie sees the discomfort and stuff on her face and comes to the diner (I think he was on his way there when they were talking) and when they see Frankie they (Tommy) keeps making comments about how she’s obviously not over Joel because Frankie looks just like him, and eventually they leave and Tommy was going to tell Joel about seeing her but Maria talks some sense into him and when they get back, (maybe it’s a few days later, idk) Joel, Sarah, Tommy, and Maria are sitting down eating when Joel says that he’s gonna go looking for her but Tommy stops him saying like "Why should she come back? You guys treated her like shit, remember that time she was in the hospital for breaking her [whatever] (arm, ankle? idk) and you only called her twice, to ask her what's for dinner and where Sarah's soccer stuff was" that's the gist.

They also mention how Sarah also treated her like shit and abandoned the woman who raised her for the woman who abandoned raising her (does that make sense?), Sarah is crying asking them to stop. A couple times Maria says (either in her head or to Tommy in the car earlier) how she would give Sarah a piece of her mind if she wasn't a child/teenager).

There's stuff that happens in between but I mostly remember what happens between reader/Frankie/Joel/Sarah

Cut to the next time we see Joel and Sarah: Sarah is in the city for a job (I think) and runs into reader and asks her to meet with them, so they arrange a meeting at a diner or something where reader meets up with Sarah and Joel. Joel and Sarah are there first and they sit down next to this man (Frankie) with a baby in a stroller, Joel talks to Frankie and Sarah is just cooing at the baby. Reader eventually shows up, they talk, and when she goes to leave Sarah calls her "mom" and asks her not to leave, then reader goes "Don't call me that. I am not that." Then she stands up, they notice she's pregnant (I can't remember if they notice as soon as she enters the diner/cafe or when she leaves with Frankie) and then she leaves with Frankie and their baby.

Cut to after the baby is born (I think), reader and Frankie are at a grocery store with their baby (at least the newborn, maybe the other one too) and Joel spots them, he doesn't interact with them and reader doesn't notice him, but Frankie does, and I can't remember exactly what happens next but it's passive, like nothing really happened I think.

I feel like the original the series sprouted from was a one-shot where it shows Joel and Sarah abandoning reader, then she runs into Sarah in the city then they meet up with Joel at some diner and after talking for a little she goes to leave and Sarah calls her "mom" and she says "Don't call me that. I am not that." Then leaves with the man (Frankie) with the baby sitting in/at the booth/table next to them.

Lost Fic: Frankie Morales x reader [past/ex!Joel Miller x reader]

[castlebyersafterdark]

Hello babes ❤️😊 I often journal about my day to day, and do a lot of write-ups about major events, things weighing on my mind, or retrospectives. The turning of the New Year is as good an event as any to write and reflect, so I'm posting a CastleByersAfterDark themed journal online to my dear blog to start off 2025. Thoughts, thanks, and resolutions/goals:

FANDOM

The last year has been such a game changer. I wasn't having very much fun online anymore which was bothersome for me, since fandom and nerding out over stuff I'm into has been one of main hobbies since I was really young. I still was massively invested in Stranger Things but felt stagnant and burnt out as all I was doing was scrolling and reading and was kinda bored. Found a few blogs on the "spicy" side and the gossip side and lurked with intrigue and envy. Tired of watching and never interacting, I created The Castle and joined all the fine folks I admired. My maelstrom of an imagination finally had a place to process and settle again.

This blog took on a life of its own - where I thought I would use it to simply track ideas for wips and maybe converse with other writers, I never anticipated this interactive space where we can all hang out and chat and share secrets and be totally open at our pseudo, perpetual sleepover online with friends both named and anonymous, from all over the globe. The content might get strange or emotional or filthy or silly here, but I never feel alone in letting my nerdom or freak flag fly and I hope many of you feel the love I certainly feel here and enjoy joining in and doing the same. Fandom feels a lot different than it did when I was thirteen years old, but this corner of the fandom has captured that old school magic. Creativity and freedom and connection.

In 2025, I look forward to this wonderful show we love airing and getting to experience the final season after immense anticipation. I eagerly await watching our beloved Will and Mike play out their beautiful storyline on screen. I am excited for all of the mysteries to unravel and finally be understood and to discover which theories were correct and what none of us could have predicted. I'm anticipatory about seeing a slow burn romance play out and pay off between two boys in an unexpected era and to feel joy and catharsis from a storyline I did not expect in a mainstream show. I look forward to the fun and peace to follow once the truth is finally known without a shred of doubt. I don't plan on going anywhere. Going to be a long year. And nebulous time after. Looking forward to continuing to theorize and draft ideas and hear visions and gab about the actors and Byler. I have so many stories to post. Incredibly happy to be here hanging out with yall. ❤️🫂🫶

REALITY

Something... major... happened to me this past year. Hmm. Wonder what that was? Oh, right. That man of mine decided I'm ok enough and put a ring on it. Hahaha I kid, you all know by now that we are madly in love 😉 2025 I will be married! Gosh. It's been months. Still cannot believe.

We're getting married in the summer and I'm also leaving the country for the first time for our honeymoon. Excited, nervous, filled with joyous anticipation. I always wanted to be someone's boyfriend - check. Found my absolute perfect person and we've helped each other become better people and be the best versions of ourselves. Soon, I will be and have a husband which is the most surreal thing, to have each found our The One, our soulmate. Mentally, I'm telling teenage me "you'll never believe what happens - everything you dream about comes true. Hold on for me, bud." 💙💙

RESOLUTIONS/GOALS

Write more. FINISH writing projects. Stay creative. Practice practice practice art. Continue to strive to be kind. And be kinder to myself. Be more present in real life and ensure time spent on hobbies is time spent worthwhile. Have fun and stay out of discourse. Never stop learning and enjoying the pursuit of knowledge.

Follow the colors as mantra. 🏳️‍🌈 Sex 💗 life ❤️ healing 🧡 sunlight 💛 nature 💚magic and art 💙 serenity 💜 spirit 💖 PEACE AND LOVE TO ALL FOR 2025 😘😘😘

[ethicaltreatmentofcowplants]

in which i am very grumpy - a Sims 2025 wishlist

Since I can't sleep, here are my “pie in the sky” wishes for the Sims in 2025. Some of these are not realistic at all, but oh well.

A Clothes Making Stuff Pack. I don’t know how they’d implement it without leaning on gameplay functions that other packs have (Nifty Knitting for Plopsy and High School Years) but this could potentially slap. Why not a cute fun retro vibe for build and buy? Actually why not get @surely-sims and @ice-creamforbreakfast to design those items entirely? (I'm only slightly joking - they would kill it.)

There could also be a function to choose swatches and patterns for the clothes your sims create to give it some kind of vanilla cc option - I could see a lot of players going in for that kind of thing.

more of the same below

Game Packs to Return. I know this is very unlikely since these days they'd rather bloat game packs and sell them as expansion packs. But when game packs worked, they really really worked, and they were such a good option. Unless they finally give us fairies though, I just don't see it happening.

(Also Bands should totally be a game pack. I just don't know what they can add to it enough to justify the price that isn't already in Get Famous, but maybe I'll be surprised.)

Babysitting Added As a Skill. I get why it would be iffy to allow teenagers to acquire the parenting skill. So considering that they can already administer all the childcare that adults do, a skill that either starts them off at Level 3-4ish of Parenting once they age up - or gives them a skill gain boost similarly to “creatively/mentally gifted” would be great. And you know what could also work as a stuff pack? Sims 4 Babysitting.

Of course, here's hoping that they wouldn't My First Pet it and give it some items or functions that you need either Parenthood or Growing Together to access…

Early Pack Refreshes. I'm the weirdo who actually really likes Outdoor Retreat. And I think Get To Work does what it says on the tin well enough. But Outdoor Retreat was the first game pack EA ever did and it shows. The swatches are very limited and there's just not a lot of activities to do once you're at Granite Falls. This would have been a great pack to add a picnic blanket function much earlier on. Horseshoe Throwing could be a game you can win even if it doesn't add skill, much like Don't Wake The Llama.

Also the Hermit could eventually mentor Sims in Herbalism once you have a high enough relationship with them, and perhaps this could be the only way to unlock some more advanced brews. And their hidden area could be its own eco system and have year round plants and bugs, similarly to the magic realm.

In terms of Get To Work, as the game has progressed, some of the hairstyles have aged very poorly, and could do with being fine tuned. It’s not even the weird thing that Maxis does with giving an otherwise nice hair a very high forehead (a la Life & Death) - they’re just ugly.

Skill Trees For Aliens and Merfolk. Admittedly I haven’t played with the former but I hear it’s very superficial in comparison to vampires, werewolves and spellcasters. And merfolk give you very few of the fun elements of being an occult, while still being somewhat needy (the ‘Hydration’ bar that you have to manage as if it’s Fury or Thirst). It would be one thing if they were simply boring but a ‘passive’ occult form the way spellcasters are, in that you have to actively use their magic in order for their charge level to be at risk - but no. While they’re fun to design in cas, as they are, merfolk are just boring.

As both aliens and merfolk came with expansion packs though rather than a separate game pack (which is admittedly cash-grabby but did allow those occults to feel much more in depth) I doubt it will happen.

A Swimming Update. While the worlds that came out after Island Living have them, earlier worlds such as Windenburg did not. Those should have been adjusted so that you can swim in any world so long as you have that expansion pack. With the exception of Oasis Springs, which of course is in the desert lol.

Building in Vacation Worlds Without Staying in Them. I don’t think I need to expand on this one.

Boarding Schools. If they’d added this function to HSY similarly to the dorm living in Discover University, I think that would have made the gameplay functions of that expansion feel much less superficial. You could have rivalries between one hall and another, ‘cultural’ differences between boarders and day students, and attempting to throw wild parties before the dean/house parent/whatever your term is catches them.

More Nuanced Aged Groups. I don’t think they’d actually split the existing pre-adult years groups into preschooler, preteen etc as particularly since the average player would probably stick to the ‘normal’ life span, having to go into CAS and throw birthday parties so often could become tiresome very quickly. But it would be nice if there was a more noticeable gap between, say, a 13/14 year old and someone who is about to age up in young adulthood. I think the toddler life stage actually does this decently in that a toddler who’s maxed out all the skills is a lot more independent and has a wider range of interactions available to them than one who’s just had a birthday.

Oh gosh I can still think of so many more things. Nerfing the 'check infant/toddler' function. The ability to have a business you own attached to your house. A joint custody divorce function - which would need to be handled delicately since it's a real issue for many - that allows children to split their time between parents' homes. Allowing children to bathe dogs and take them for walks. Allowing children to have some cute age appropriate neighbourhood business, like a lemonade stand or offering to shovel snow, and to maybe start some savings in a little piggy bank?

[wow-an-unfunny-joke]

You are so right man

[turtleblogatlast]

Something I really like is that April’s constant stream of odd jobs she goes through is somewhat reflected in the boys as well. Like, you have April working at random pizza places or getting a crane license or being fully willing to apply for a job at a place clearly made out of cardboard. Then you have the boys as well who do anything from working as a basketball mascot, building a massive dog park, being waiters, getting a whole band gig at a theme park, etc, etc-

Main difference is that April actively applies for these jobs (and is hopefully paid for the short time she’s in them) whereas for the bros the jobs usually find them (and they practically never get paid.) It doesn’t even stop at jobs either, they just seem to casually amass skills in general.

I don’t know, I like how both April and the turtles are just so ready and willing to do things. Sure, they’re not always good at these things, but they do them readily! In a way, being heroes is just another job (well, more like volunteer work/vigilantism/another fun activity) that they initially took on because of their general sense of “why not?”

They’re very willing and open to trying out new things despite their tendency to revert back to what they enjoy (and how commonly trying new things ends up going wrong), and I think that adaptational interest of theirs really helps them be well rounded in multiple regards.

[dukeofthomas]

why does every reconciliation fic go like this

[piosplayhouse]

It's honestly a little disturbing how many posts there are that are like "teenagers have no free will and must be shielded from the world entirely because they don't have any critical thinking at all!!" That are made by like. A 20 year old. Straight up just an absurd thing to tell on yourself with

[sonknuxadow]

i dont think rouge is "the responsible one" in team dark i dont think any of them are the responsible one actually

[asteroidtroglodyte]

[scene: living room, day.]

Me, to me wife: Whatcha watching?

My Wife: Ruby something, Teenage Kraken, something like that.

Our Son, babbling happily: Pretty!

My Wife: He picked it

Me: Any good?

My Wife: mmmmmmm…

Me: No?

My Wife: It’s trying to be Turning Red and Luca at the same time.

Me: Oof.

My Wife: No but seriously they’re doing, like, line for line rips of scenes

Me: Is it… working?

My Wife: I guess? No. Not really.

Me: Yea I mean those 2 movies are saying radically different things-

My Wife: Exactly!

Me: -Like ok there’s some very surface overlap with them being animated films for teens about being shapeshifting “monsters” but. Like.

My Wife: For very different reasons!

Me: Exactly! The shapeshifter monster form metaphor is a vehicle for completely different arguments! I don’t see how you could hybridize them!

My Wife: Poorly is how!

Our Son: QUIET!

My Wife: sorry, bug

Me: …It is very pretty.

My Wife: Too bad it sucks

Me: Kinda makes me think of Hotel Transylvania

My Wife: You silence that slander this instant Hotel Transylvania was fun and had a plot-

Our Son: [turning around to glare at us] Quiet!

Me: sorry bug

[end scene]