#when all ive ever asked

[aaaaaaaaraaaaaraaa]

Another day foaming at the mouth thinking about richard siken's Wishbone poem

[xiewho]

could i get a fabian pretty pls… possessed would be cool but anything with him is fine

based on that one fake bad kids twt thread that i Cannot find for the life of me

[seiwas]

sellllllll it's meeeeee. hehehehehehehehehhehe

so for ur writing exercises.... deku + light? please? pretty please?

:3c

heheh heheh hehe niku. this will be the death of me. me writing izuku for the first time 🥲 i will only do this for you </3

contains: established relationship, spoilers for the end of the manga, aged up deku but sometime in between the final outcome (he doesn't get the h*** s*** from bakugo yet), mentions of sex and scars

deku + light

izuku only sleeps with the lights off.

it isn't uncommon; many people you know can't sleep with even just a sliver of light turned on somewhere in the room. but the difference with izuku, you learn, is not that he's unable to stand the light―it's that he refuses to.

you quickly pick up on it the first few times he sleeps over.

he fidgets in bed, pretty badly, actually. the nightlight you sleep with glows a warm yellow, illuminating the side of your face and coating him in its afterglow. you chalk it up to nerves, how he pulls at his sleeves and adjusts his position constantly; he is, after all, one of the most anxious people you know.

and this relationship―it's new. heck, even you feel a little jittery with his arm wrapped around you.

the rhythmic tapping on your hip only increases pace. you don't think he realizes it, so your hand gently reaches for his, intertwining your fingers as you turn around in his arms.

he's close, nearly touching you nose-to-nose; the proximity leaves you fuzzy, a little ticklish, so you giggle, a soft "oops," as the freckles dusting his face almost glisten under the warm light.

"hi," you whisper, meeting his eyes; they stare back at you wide in surprise, "can't sleep?"

he looks almost guilty at your question, as if you’ve caught him with the one thing he's been trying to keep from you.

"just—" his voice comes out louder than intended, prompting him to chuckle nervously as he readjusts his volume, "just winding down, sorry."

you inch closer, nuzzling his nose lightly, "it's okay."

"did i wake you?" he asks, cheeks flushing pink as his eyebrows furrow in immediate concern. his expression is something caught between stifling a grin and feeling sorry.

you shake your head against the pillow you share, strands of your hair tangling with his. "just winding down," you tease, watching as his gaze turns softer, eyelids drooping heavier.

sometimes, you think, izuku holds the world in his eyes―a deep, dark green, the color of life. most times, they look at you with wonderment, bright and alive; photos from inko tell you they're the eyes of his inner child.

on nights like this one, however, they hide a depth in them weighted by what you can only assume is time, and all that has happened to him in such a short span of it.

you try your best to understand what lies beneath them, knowing full well he'll never tell you outright what truly bothers him.

"is it the light?" you bring up, some time after laying in silence.

"hm?" he clarifies.

"do you have a hard time sleeping with the nightlight?"

his eyes widen briefly once more, as if shocked that you've caught him again. these split second reactions are ones you've learned to be attentive to when it comes to izuku.

"no," he tries to lie, but you know better as you turn to your nightstand and reach for its switch, "you don't–"

"it was hurting my eyes," you quickly make up an excuse, tucking yourself closer under his chin as you cut off his attempt to deny it again.

finding out that the light was the problem was the easy part—

you'd begun to notice much earlier on that izuku was barely rested on the nights he'd spend at your place. it was only when your old nightlight broke that you began to notice him waking up much later than you did, groggily rousing from a deep sleep.

—what was hard, was figuring out why.

at first, you suspected it was his scars.

"s-sorry, it's not—" he'd warned you, right as your hands gripped the hem of his shirt the first time you were about to have sex, "—it's not nice."

you didn't care though; you still don't care, and you've made that abundantly clear to him since. you love izuku and all his parts―all the nicks and jaggedy pieces of skin that make up who he is.

when you eventually ask him about it, with a request that he be honest with you for once, he tells you that it is and it isn't―the reason why he exclusively sleeps with the lights off, that is.

it's an odd, comforting relationship he has with his body—that he is simultaneously grateful and sorry for how its become a canvas, both painted and marred to symbolize japan’s historic last stand.

you find out the real reason when you catch him staring at his hands.

he does it often, when he thinks you aren't looking—his fists bunched up in the same way he used to watch the power of one for all course through his fingertips; the same way he used to prepare them in battle.

there’s a faraway look in his eyes that lingers, you notice—a little wistful if anything.

“do you miss it?” you finally ask. he gives you the same shocked look he does every time, as if he’s been caught with a secret he’s been trying to hide.

he’s learned a fair bit about you now, too, though—lying to you is futile when you’ve perfected reading his truth. he stares at his fists again as you take a seat beside him, moving to give you space. you rest your head on his shoulder gently, waiting.

“sometimes,” he admits, but you know it’s an understatement.

“i think about the vestiges a lot. i miss them the most, i think,” he continues, clenching his fists tightly, “i always try to reach out to them, but i guess it doesn’t work that way.”

“i… i try to replicate the right conditions every night, but…” then he lets go, stretching his fingers out wide. the scars on the surface ripple through his skin, telling its own story.

you hum, acknowledging what he means. silence sits with the two of you as you take his hand in yours, slowly unfurling his fingers until his palm reveals itself to you. it’s rough to the touch, seasoned with hard work and all that he’s been through.

“is that why you prefer the dark?” you ask softly, after some time.

it's not often that you stay up later than izuku does. when you do though, you catch him shifting in bed, moving from side-to-side. you pretend you aren't awake, but you hear him mumble their names, dwindling in volume as he dozes off to sleep.

he stares at his palm for a moment before he admits quietly, "yeah." his brows furrow as if contemplating whether to say more, but he shakes his head, dark green strands swaying to the beat of his embarrassed chuckle, "nevermind, it's silly."

"it's not."

you intertwine your fingers, sandwiching his hand between yours. a slight sheen glosses over his eyes as he tilts his head up to look at you. he draws in a breath, before it spills over.

"it's..." he finds the words, and you squeeze his hand in comfort, "it's easier to believe it was all real when the lights are out, and that maybe it can happen again."

[cozylittleartblog]

idk if I've said it before, but your portrayals of both Rouxls and Queen are among my favorites, and the way they are when you combine the two is the sole thing that got me to say "yes" to queenkaard. When I first saw it in the game and it started catching on as a ship, I was like "nooo I hc him as gay," but then after seeing your stuff I was like "oh nvm I totally see this now."

i think hearing "i didn't see this ship before, but after your art i understand it and/or even ship it myself" is one of the nicest compliments i get, because it makes me feel like i'm representing something meaningful and sweet about a pairing and having people understand what i think is so great and captivating about them. i've gotten a couple asks like this and sometimes i forget to respond but i always really appreciate them :) thank you very much

[muckyschmuck]

ultimately!

[the-sun-is-also-a-star]

guys. guys i just recreated the art heist, baby painting. wtf

[xxplastic-cubexx]

i have to say i love cherik canonical love/hate mpreg brain baby child... it's just so funny that chatles got angry and made A NEW PERSON OUT OF HIS AND ERIK'S POWERS JUST WTF MAN

btw is there a possiblity you will draw them...

big

bonus:

[zours025]

I am not finishing this because im fucking lazy so take this now too okay!!!

Alts and the like under here + One amputee iggy stump (???) warning IDK1!!!11!

[dailytraingirl]

when you cycled by

here began all my dreams

the saddest thing i’ve ever seen.

[puppyeared]

learning abt friendship decay and "not reaching out to your friends for months at a time unprompted is not neurotypical behaviour" has me feeling a certain way

[al-luviec]

Morro design + a ton of notes.

[sidesteppostinghours]

1 for the fhr prompts? :3

prompts from here!

HI I STARTED WRITING THIS THE MINUTE I SAW THE PROMPT LIST SO. EXCELLENT TIMING HONESTLY. this was a fun little what-if scenario very much inspired by @firststrikerr nefferious incident fic, you all should go read it, it has incredibly fun argent and chen dynamics. BUT ANYWAY. herald and argent.. go!!!

(oh also, pspsps @dogueteeth-fhr since you requested it as well)

1. "Oh, the PR department isn't going to like this."

"Oh," Argent says, a slow grin creeping onto her face, teeth as sharp as her smile as she inspects the picture on the fridge. "Oh, the PR department is going to hate this."

Daniel wasn't listening to her, too busy being miserable with his face buried in his hands. He'd been stuck like this for ten minutes now, wordlessly coming to terms with the fact he was getting fired. By this point, he was beginning to make peace with the idea of retiring. He had a good career. Maybe he could come back as a vigilante some time in the future with a proper masked identity this time. It was a miracle he wasn't fired the minute he stepped foot inside Steel's office; then again, maybe it would've been a mercy. That was easily the single most awkward conversation of his life. There's not exactly a tactful way to tell your teammate to not kiss the villain that broke his leg.

"Where did he even find this? I haven't seen anything on the papers yet." Argent tugs it off the fridge, thank god, grabbing a donut before plopping herself on the table next to him.

"I don't know," he groans, the first words he's said since he found it hung up. "They were there when I got here. I haven't seen Ricardo at all today."

"I'm surprised he hasn't tore you a new one yet." She takes a bite of her snack, looking at the pictures like she was reading the morning newspaper. "Cyrus to Puppeteer is one hell of a rebound."

Daniel grimaces, which was an appropriate reaction, but not for the reasons she thinks. Right. He broke up with Cyrus. That was bad enough for Ortega, but now he's made out with Puppeteer. Who is also Cyrus. Except Ortega doesn't know that, because Daniel kept it a secret. For Cyrus. And Puppeteer.

Ricardo was going to kill him.

"How long do you think it'll take till the press gets a hold of this?"

"Maybe... maybe PR will catch it in time?" He pulls his head up, looking at her with impossible hope.

She pauses her eating, looking over the picture to him with a single raised eyebrow. He groans again, dropping his head on the table with a thunk. He can hear her resuming her chewing.

"If it makes you feel any better, I think this is the first time Puppeteer's ever run away from you."

"Please." His suffering is still audible despite his voice being muffled by the table. "Be quiet."

It wasn't fair– what was Daniel supposed to do? They were in an abandoned building, nowhere near to any place the press should've been. He drags a hand over his face. The answer was obviously fight, but Puppeteer was taunting him. Getting riled up would've played right into his hands. He had shambled towards Herald with a stutter in his step that's so easy to connect now that he knows who's behind the mask. He thought the suit was designed to move like that, to play up the inhumanity (a terrible word choice, and it makes Daniel's mouth taste bitter).

"What would it take," he'd hummed, the vocal distorters turning it into a dissonant tune, "to finally make you face the truth?" He took a step forward, and Herald had stared him down, feet steady on the ground. "It was so easy getting what I needed out of you," he whispered. "You were so willing to be fooled." They were close enough to touch, but Puppeteer still had his hands neatly behind his back, and Herald hadn't budged. He had wondered what Cyrus could see on his face, read in his mind.

"You're nothing, Herald– to me, and to the rest of the idiots calling you heroes. Do yourself a favour, and quit before you end up embarrassing yourself again."

He was provoking him. It was clear to anybody who had any idea of the way Puppeteer operates. Part of Herald was tempted to give in– to take the first punch, and finally air out the grief he's been hiding for weeks. Was that his own sense of betrayal, or mental manipulation to goad him into acting? There was no way to be sure. The rest of him had wanted to prove him wrong.

So he did.

He finally closed the gap, quickly enough that Puppeteer didn't have a chance to register what was happening, wrapping an arm around his waist and pulling him into a kiss. It wasn't good, his mask isn't exactly one inviting affection, but it wasn't for long. He'd pulled away, and he could imagine the emotions going through Cyrus' face even with the mask on, hands caught halfway between any sort of movement. It was the same look he had when Daniel said he liked hanging out with him the first time they had coffee together. The same look when he admitted he was attracted to him. The same one when Daniel said he loved him.

He hadn't realized his hand had migrated from over his face to settle onto his mouth, and when he finally looks up again, Argent is staring at him, brows furrowed together. Shit.

"Listen, I don't know what's going on between you two, but-"

"You don't need to say it." There's a slight squeak to his voice as he cuts her off. "Please. Whatever you need to say, Steel already told me. I promise."

She smiles again, amused, finishing the last of her snack.

"Whatever you say," she shrugs, swinging her legs off the table to stand back up. "Have fun with Ortega," she sing-songs, turning around before she could see his face.

She throws the picture in the trash as she leaves, leaving Daniel to wallow in peace.

[stiffyck]

i am so fed up with people who think animation is just for kids im like actually BEGGING people who think this way to never open their mouths ever again like holy shit

[pickled-flowers]

It's my birth right as an asexual to be irritated all the time

[mueritos]

a big brain dump about autism, life, being indigenous, and whatever else is going on

so the past few months I made it a personal journey to understand my autism more (and maybe a possible ptsd diagnosis but whatever whatever whatever). and that's what i'm calling it--the autism--because no other thing makes sense for me, and while i'm parsing through childhood memories and experiences, it's definitely...a bittersweet conclusion? bitter because in a lot of ways, i dont relate to the stereotypical autistic experience because every autistic person who has clocked me was usually a White Queer. It's probably why it's taken so long to get to this point of concluding Autism is what it is. I grew up in an immigrant family as a girl, and for that reason I was expected to not be disabled and to be a completely normal and high achieving Mexican catholic girl who went to college and became a doctor or whatever. Now i'm a fag of a man doing none of those things haha.

My older brother was supposed to be assessed for ASD in his youth, and like most immigrant dads, mine decided that nothing was wrong with him and the rest is history. Except my older brother is a man riddled with childhood trauma, shame, and so much autism. Absolutely uncharted rates of autism, and while he gets some sort of pity from my parents for him ("it's all out fault" "he never got the help he needed" "cut him some slack he doesnt understand"), I can never let my own parents know about how much I struggle. Hell, I can barely show it to my own friends because even they don't understand the extent of my autistic struggles. it's actually caused continuous miscommunications, people mad at me, me mad at myself, meltdowns, shutdowns, and a lot of crying. And shame. (a peer recently even demeaned my habit of keeping to myself, despite the fact that I had actually been trying to put myself out there more)

so i'm at a point in my life where I've accepted that I can only take responsibility over how I communicate, and I take ownership over that. Accepting this responsibility allows me to keep myself safe, as I've essentially lived over 2 decades of my life feeling like I was responsible for not just my communication, but everyone else's, including all of the judgements, missed cues, failures, miscommunications, and whatever else came from it. It's definitely double empathy. Last time I truly took on everyone's communication, it nearly killed me (cue over a year of suicidality). But, in a lot of ways it's very freeing. I'm sort of detaching myself from this neurotypical/White need to socially interact with others on their terms. In other ways, it's restricting. I uh. Don't really talk to a lot of people nowadays, and there used to be days where I wouldn't say a single word out loud. But because I don't talk to as many people, I'm able to put energy into the quality of my connections and not just the quantity. Which unfortunately a lot of people take personally. They dont like you admitting that you only see them as an acquittance, or as a classmate, or something like a friend but not quite there. I find comfort knowing how people feel about me, even if its that they actually dont feel close to me. Great! Now I know! Knowing makes me feel safe! But I'm finding that people actually really fucking hate when you admit that to them, the how you actually slot them in ur brain in terms of social levels. I can understand why, but I also don't get it.

Another thing that's helped is I've changed how I do eye contact. I used to make eye contact with professors or classmates while I spoke up in class because I thought that was important. Now I've found I can actually focus more on what I'm trying to say when I don't make eye contact. My god how freeing that has been. I don't have the same anxiety as I used to before, nor do I experience all of the involuntary blushing as I did for many years of my life. It didn't matter how confident or how prepared I felt, I would just blush furiously and I fucking hate it. Now my blushing is almost nonexistent, and I say what I mean with the flat ass tone that I love speaking in because it makes me feel safe. Sure, I miss the real-time non-verbal reactions to my words in class, but it's an okay trade-off for feeling more safe in myself and more confident in the classroom.

another thing is my internship. I work with majority neurodivergent students, and many of my clients have autism, adhd, or both, and are sometimes BIPOC, trans, or children of immigrants. Man, I've been having a blast. Sure, I'm learning how to be a therapist and best practices, but screw everyone in my life who has called me "cold" "emotionless" or "heartless". I have connected with so many people on such a human level, and I have sat there and helped them hold their pain in that tiny gay office for 45 minutes every week, and even though it's only 45 minutes, i'm showing them that they're allowed to ask for help holding that pain. I have had challenging sessions, difficult conversations, and times where I wasn't sure I would know what to say. But at it's core, I know that I'm capable of connecting with the person in front of me because my autism brain is automatically in tune with the person in front of me. It is so wonderful, and overwhelming, and so confusing all at once. When people start crying in front of me, I feel tears well up in my eyes, even if I'm not actually sad with them. It shows me that I'm capable of this empathy that so many people over my life have questioned, which they questioned all because I processed things slowly, or made quick decisions, or because I was honest about how I felt.

on to being mixed indigenous. Phew. I've been trying to build more connections with other Native folk, and I have a couple who I can thankfully call friends and who have never disrespected my detribalized experience. but recently I was interviewed a few times for a fellow indigenous researcher's dissertation, and I did not expect to be chosen on account that I am detribalized. But it had been a lovely experience and I finished my final interview today. It really left me with a lot of emotions that are hard to put into words. Mourning would be one of them, as I likely won't ever know what my tribal affiliation is. Never knowing who my people were, what language they spoke, the land they lived on...I can't describe just how much it destroys me. It feels like literal death, because that's what it is. A disgusting colonial death. And it's why I abhor that of all my identities, being autistic and being mixed indigenous has been met with the most vitriol online. like i guess people can only handle the trans fag mexican dude when hes not autistic and mixed indigenous, because now I am far too ambigious for anyone else's good. though i do know better than to listen to what random people online have to say about me and my path toward reconnection/neurodivergency.

beside's that, i'm trying to find neurodivergent spaces that feel safe, and I'm trying to find ways to keep myself safe. stimming, carrying stuffed animals around, using fidget toys, engaging in my interests, listening to the same songs, eating the same foods. I've had coffee with bagel and chive+onion cream cheese for over a year now. I've listening to almost only Pearl Jam and Alice in Chains for nearly a year now. I rewatch the same youtube videos over and over again. I wear the same few outfits. I wear the same shoes everyday. I walk the same way to and from campus everyday. I try to be in nature as much as I can, and really see it. I imagine nature where it isn't, and I get emotional thinking about the life that used to be on it. I wish so badly that I was a cat, a horse, a bunny, a deer, all so I could experience life through their eyes. i'm putting trust into people, into the universe, and into myself. safety is hard to come by, but im doing my best to accept the risks of life, trying to be flexible, and learn how to sustain myself for the good of the world. I deserve to be here too.

that's about it. besides that, i'm moving to philly once i'm done with grad school ^-^

[do-you-know-this-adhd-character]

Do you know this (noncanon) ADHD character?

Evidence below the cut!

can be pretty hyperactive, forgets things regularly (even important things, forgot he turned into a heartless in kh1), distractable, later on he seems to have some problems with emotional dysregulation. hes constantly called lazy by his friends but as soon as hes doing something he likes he has all the energy in the world, and also tends to dismiss his own intelligence despite actually being pretty smart, both of which are things that i think are decently common with undiagnosed adhd