#when JW said “until the end” he meant “until THE end”

[existingingrey]

The more I look at it the more I feel like Haseol couldn't take more of Jeongwoo's pining and made an excuse to get him to Sangcheol

백공죽 Extended Version

SCJW Pre-dating era 🤨

[gaysindistress]

Sad Girl - six

summary: James has an interesting new business’ proposal and one hell of a condition to deal with.

pairing: Mob!Bucky Barnes x Reader

warnings: cursing, guns, violence (it is a mob au after all), Bucky’s smartass, John Walker being a dick, arguing

word count: 1.4K

part 5 | series masterlist

taglist:  @missvelvetsstuff @angelsincident @spencerreidisagorgman @  goldensunflowe-r   @i-have-no-life-charlie @esposadomd @reader-without-a-story @unaxv @iateall-yourcookies  littlelizardlizzie @alana4610

disclaimer: credits to original creator/poster of image/gif. found on google/Pinterest

 Two weeks and not a single word from James about what had happened that night at the fundraiser and the suspense is starting to get to her. Did he regret it? Did he not mean the things he had said? Was it all just a show of power? 

The anguish of not knowing what it all meant and being too willful to bring it up is giving her a raging headache as she rubs her temples sitting in her office at Stark Tower. The edge of her tapered square nails digs a little too much into her soft skin, leaving red marks and causing her to rub at them even more. She’d gone back to work a week after moving into the Barnes’ house and having to drag around his security detail along with her fathers at work proved to be more work than she wanted. 

Her father, ever the gentleman, wouldn’t let her ditch Scott or the new young recruit Peter until she was officially married to James and he wouldn’t let her go anywhere without Natasha or Steve close by. Having armed guards as well as carrying herself didn’t exactly sit well with her clientele but then again they were going to her because of the Stark name and all that it offers. 

“Well, I can’t lie to your probation officer if they ask about this. I can claim client provider privilege however until you can get everything sorted out,” she explains to the large man awkwardly sitting on her couch. 

“I can’t go back to prison, ma’am. It was a mistake,” he pleads with her. 

“A mistake means you didn’t intend to do it. Punching a buddy at the bar after he’s been pissing you off all day is not a mistake but again I will keep it under wraps,” she says, closing her notebook and smiling at him. 

“Thank you, Miss. Stark. Really I appreciate it,” the last name that slips past his lips freezes her. 

“Please keep your hands to yourself from now on Frank. I’ll see you in two weeks,” she forces a fake smile and turns her attention to her phone which hasn’t stopped buzzing for nearly the whole hour. 

Frank leaves her office while she’s completely engrossed in the hundreds of messages that had flooded her phone. Apparently, John Walker didn’t appreciate how James treated him at the fundraiser and decided that she needed to hear all of it. Not even bothering to read all of them, she blocks his number again and tosses her phone away from her. It’s amazing how much of a weasel he can be when he feels he has been wronged. 

The phone rings again, this time a call. 

“Hello?” She answers, already knowing who it is. 

“Hello, sweetheart.” 

“Jesus Christ walker. We went on three dates, what the hell do you want?”

A dark chuckle comes through the other end, “You.”

“Well that’s not going to happen so kindly delete my number and leave me alone.”

“Does this have anything to do a certain mercenary?”

“Goodbye,” she hangs up as fast as she can before Walker can drag her further into whatever bullshit her father got involved in. 

She sends her father a quick text, “JW’s up my ass again. Call your dog off.” 

Her next appointment walks in before she gets the chance to read her father’s reply. 

______________________________________________

“Sissy!” Morgan Stark screams as she runs down the steps of the Stark Estate. 

“Mo Mo!” Doll shares her younger sister’s sentiment as she throws her arms around her and spins her in a circle. 

At the top of the steps, Pepper stands with her arms across her chest, staring down at the older Stark daughter. Morgan giggles when she’s sat back on the ground and takes her sister’s hand, leading her up the staircase. 

“Good morning,” Doll nods to Pepper who reaches out a hand to stop her from going anything further. 

“Morgan honey why don’t do you go inside? I have some things to talk about with your sister,” she says to the young girl before turning her gaze back to Doll. 

“Anthony was quite upset with you for leaving the fundraiser earlier without a goodbye. You know he wouldn’t say anything to you because of how much he seems to adore you but it hurt him quite a lot. He really wanted you and John to work out but with the whole Talokan and Wakandan deal going wrong, it just made things worse, didn’t it?”

“Excuse me? What are you talking about?” she demands of Pepper who is slyly smiling at her ‘slip-up’. 

“Oh, James didn’t tell you? Stark Industries was using Wakanda as their vibranium supplier but Talokan offered it for cheaper so Anthony went with them. John, being ever the gentleman, was helping us with the transfer when something went wrong and we had to go to James and Steve for help. We’re still not sure what exactly happened but John is again helping us figure it all out.”

Doll scoffs at Pepper’s explanation, spotting holes all over it. 

“When exactly did John offer to help? Was it before or after he tried to blackmail me for breaking up with him?”

“That’s not important. He has apologized profusely for that whole situation,” she says, waving a hand around as if to clear the air for John. 

She goes to push past her stepmother but her hand grabs Doll’s bicep, stopping her, “You need to apologize to your father for the fundraiser and play nice with John until the whole thing blows over. He’s already spent your life cleaning up after you so make things a little easier on him for once.”

She rips her arm from her stepmother’s grip, “John can go fuck himself for all I care.”

Leveling her eyes with the blonde before her, “You were the one who suggested I get married off, aren’t you? I bet you saw the chance to marry me off and get rid of me for good and you took it. Doesn’t matter if it’s actually beneficial or not, as long as you get your fucking way, Pepper Potts.”

Pepper sighs, annoyed at her stepdaughter, “Apologize to your father and play nice. Now say goodbye to Morgan and leave.”

“Wow, you really are the evil stepmother from every goddamn story. Morgan!” shouted, her eyes never leaving Peppers. 

The impossibly happy four year comes bounding down the hallway, swinging her arms as she jumps in front of Pepper and Doll. She wraps her arms around her older sister, bouncing up and down in excitement.

Doll bends down to her eye level, “I’m sorry I can’t stay longer, Mo Mo. I promise I’ll come back and visit soon. Kisses and be good.”

“Awe but sissy!” 

“I promise okay? And you know I don’t break my promises,” she places one last kiss in Morgan’s hairline before standing back and flashing Pepper a death glare. 

The two disappear back into the Stark Estate she was no longer welcome in. It’s her turn to storm into her own SUV, Steve sitting in the driver’s seat. She slams the passenger door shut, buckling hastily before setting her eyes on the dashboard. Her phone starts to buzz in her pocket but she ignores it knowing exactly who it is and not wanting to deal with his bullshit at the moment. 

“You going to answer that?” Steve peeks over at her as he pulls out of the driveway. 

“No.”

“Why not?”

“Because I don’t want to.”

Sticking his hand out, “Give it to me.”

“What? No.”

“Hand it over.”

She just pulls her coat tighter over her body, “I’m not a child and you’re not my dad so no.”

“If you’re not going to answer it, I might as well,” he drops his hand to dig into her coat pocket, fishing out the still-buzzing phone. He quickly flashes it up to her face to open it and begins scrolling through the unread messages from John. 

“Buck know about this?” He asks, gesturing with the phone. 

“No, and he’s not going to.”

“Why not?”

“It’s not important.”

The SUV rolls to a stop at the end of the too-long driveway, “There are well over a hundred messages here. I think he should know about this.”

She yanks the phone back from him, “No he doesn’t. We are not in a real relationship so he doesn’t need to know when someone is bothering me. If he threatens me, then I’ll say something but for me, this stays between us.” 

“Can’t make any promises, Doll.”

[sluttywonwoo]

3 nights || jw x reader

summary: a one-night hookup turns into three (based off of the song 3 nights by dominic fike )

warnings: swearing, smut (18+), unprotected sex (uh yeah don’t do that)

word count: 2.2k

a/n: this is an old tom holland piece of mine that i thought would fit wonwoo (my tom holland blog is @wazzupmrstark if you wanna check it out)

masterlist

A hellish smirk tugged at Wonwoo’s lips as he gazed down at his phone in the midst of a pitch meeting. He glanced at the image he’d been sent for a second more before sliding his phone back in his pocket and lifting his head to indicate he was paying attention. But he was distracted. It wasn’t exactly uncommon for Jeon Wonwoo to receive nude pictures from unsaved numbers, but he was pretty sure he knew who this one was from. At least he hoped. You had cropped your face out of it, but from the expanse of your collarbone to the curve of your hip he could recognize the freckles under your breasts and the small scar just below your belly button.

He waited until he was dismissed from the meeting to respond. Didn’t want to seem too eager.  

What did I do to deserve this out of the blue, darling?

You didn’t respond right away. He shouldn’t have been surprised, he hadn’t responded right away, so why would you? You had better things to be doing than sit around waiting for him to text back, but a selfish part of him wished that you were.

You were a bit different from Wonwoo’s other lays, but he didn’t mean that in the nauseating ‘you’re not like other girls’ way that men liked to use to get into a girl’s pants. He didn’t really need to use cheesy, comparative shit like that if he was being honest. All he had to do was send a wyd text at 2am to get a girl to come over. Unless that girl was you.

Of course, you were beautiful, and incredible in bed, but something about you always left him wanting more. Maybe it was the fact that your presence was fleeting, you never stayed very long afterwards. Maybe your elusiveness tugged at a deeper curiosity in the back of his mind that he was unaware of. He was already familiar with every inch of your body, but truthfully he knew very little else about you. and maybe that’s what intrigued him.

Or maybe it was the simplicity. Routine hookups, no strings attached- regardless of how many times you came… over.

Whatever it was that kept you on his mind, Wonwoo didn’t dwell. He pushed all questions and logic away when he was with you. And when he wasn’t… he tried not to think about it. But it was difficult not to when you sent him pictures like that out of nowhere, no context, not even a response.

Ding!

Never mind.

Oops wrong person ;)

Wonwoo let out a low chuckle and shook his head. Of course, there was a small part of him that wondered if you had actually meant to send that to someone else, but he shook it off. If he knew you at all, which granted he really didn’t, he knew this game.

He didn’t hesitate to respond this time.

Shame… was gonna ask if you were busy tonight.

Only a few seconds passed before his phone buzzed again.

What did you have in mind??

You.

It was corny, sure, but effective.

I think I can make something work.

He grinned at the screen and sighed, licking his lips.

9pm. Our place.

-

You hadn’t even taken off your coat by the time he had you up against the door with his mouth on your neck, pressing breathy kisses to your skin. You gasped as he sucked a hickey just under your jaw, closing your eyes and moaning his name.

A seedy motel in the middle of the city wasn’t the… most ideal spot for late night booty calls. The sunset-colored wallpaper was peeling and the showers only worked sometimes, but in the grand scheme of things, location wasn’t important. It was still the best sex of your life, and they had cheap vending machine snacks.

The bed creaked and choked out a cloud of dust when Wonwoo pushed you onto it, but you just laughed and pulled at the waistband of his jeans for him to join you.

He smiled into a kiss that turned desperate. His hands were on your zipper, your bra clasp, your panties, anything to get you undressed faster. You held in a whimper when he sat up to undo his belt, something about the way he did that always drove you crazy. He smirked knowingly as he did and took his time.

You whined impatiently and nudged at him with a knee to hurry up. Thankfully, Wonwoo wasn’t one to leave you hanging and was back on you instantly. He pressed a thigh in between your legs and licked a stripe up the valley of your breasts, choosing the left, his favorite, to nip at.

“Fuck, Wonwoo,” you groaned, grinding up against him.

He paused and lifted himself so that he was hovering above you. “How was your day?”

You rolled your eyes and threw your head back in frustration. “Can we not?”

“I can’t ask you how your day was?”

“That’s not what I’m here for, and you know it.”

“Then what are you here for?” he asked, wanting you to say it out loud. You kissed him instead and took the distraction as an opportunity to pull him by the collar and flip him so that you were on his lap.

You tugged at his jeans and boxers playfully. “This.”

He held up his hands in surrender. “Good one.”

“I know.”

He lifted his head to kiss you and you gave in with a quick peck on the lips. As often as you were with Wonwoo, you never took the time to notice how pretty he was. You knew he was hot. You could write an entire dissertation on how fucking fit he was, but as you gazed down at him underneath you you realized just how lovely this boy really was, especially like this. His dark hair was soft and wavy without all the product in it, and god his lips were so pink, and the way he looked at you…

You kissed him again, fiercely this time, and slid a hand down his pants just to feel him. He groaned, already needy.

“Wait-” he pulled back and sat up on his elbows.

“What?” You were worried you’d done something wrong, stared at him like you were in love with him for a second too long and he’d caught on.

“Do you want me to go down on you?”

You sighed in relief and laughed. “No need, I’m already soaked.”

“I can tell,” he quipped back and quirked an eyebrow.

You were a little embarrassed he could feel your arousal through his jeans and cursed. “Fuck you!”

“I believe you were just about to.”

“You’re lucky I’m horny, Wonwoo,” you growled.

“Tell me about it.” He smirked and laid back with an arm over his head.

Sometimes you wondered if the sex was really worth it, even if he was the best you’d ever had…

Of all the ways Wonwoo could fuck you, this had to be one of his favorites. There was just something about you on top of him that he couldn’t handle. The way your delicate gold necklace dangled in his face as you rode him, the way his hands fit so perfectly on your ass, the way your hair hung around your shoulders. He never lasted long.

To be fair, neither did you. And the way Wonwoo was saying your name wasn’t helping. Every time you lowered yourself back on him and his cock hit that spot inside you that burning intensity in your stomach grew a little stronger.

You’d be lying if you said you weren’t out of breath and your thighs weren’t starting to get sore, but Wonwoo was begging you not to stop and you’d be damned if you let him down.

“Y/n, I’m close,” he warned and brought his fingers to your clit to make sure you were right there with him.

You just nodded, too far gone to say much else as you chased the high that was just out of reach. Wonwoo thrust up into you a final time and finished with a moan of your name tumbling from his lips.

Even as he was coming down he continued to massage your clit.

“Cum for me, love.” His voice was spent and gravelly and his eyes were pleading and fuck, who were you to deny him? You gripped his shoulders hard as your whole body tensed and you tipped over the edge.

And for a moment the world stopped spinning and time stopped moving as electricity surged through your body and you forgot your own name.

Wonwoo was still whispering words of quiet praise when you collapsed on his chest seconds later, trembling.

“That’s it, darling. That’s good.”

You let him rub your back like that until you caught your breath enough to sit up and roll off of him. You immediately started collecting your clothes from around the room and putting them back on as Wonwoo did the same.

“Two cherry cokes?” he asked and you nodded.

“And powdered donuts?”

“Give me some credit, how could I forget?”

It was something of a tradition to share a snack and a soda after you hooked up. It had started on a night when both of you were too drunk to drive anywhere afterwards so you passed the time sitting in bed eating stale powdered donuts and drinking soda to sober up. Logically, you could have slept it off and went home the next morning, but it was a rule you had to never sleep over at a one-night-stand’s place. Even neutral territory like this was off limits.

Wonwoo could’ve gone to bed without you and left you to fend for yourself but instead he made the trek out to the vending machines in his boxers to get you both some food. Turns out cherry coke was the only soda they had, and there was no telling how old it was, but it was better than nothing.

That night was so long ago, but you still remembered how he stayed up with you until four in the morning watching shitty reality shows on the fuzzy tv, talking about exes and weird dreams and hobbies you both wanted to learn. You wondered if he ever ended up teaching himself pottery.

Wonwoo was back with the goods before you could blink and handed you your respective share of the stash. You held your can up and clinked it against his before taking a sip. You’d grown to like the syrupy sweet taste of it by now, and even found yourself craving it when you weren’t with Wonwoo.

“Same time tomorrow?” Wonwoo asked as you buttoned your pants.

“You’ll still be in town?”

Usually he didn’t stay for long unless he was working on his music so you didn’t let yourself get hopeful just in case he was kidding.

“And the next day,” he confirmed. It was an invitation.

“You’re not one for planning ahead,” you pointed out, gathering the rest of your belongings in your arms.

“There’s a first time for everything.”

-

Wonwoo didn’t sleep well that night. He never did when he wasn’t in his own bed, but this was different. He couldn’t stop thinking about what had happened just hours ago in that run-down motel by the highway and what might happen tomorrow.

His members had been confused when he moved his flight back home two days and he hadn’t given them any other explanation than ‘catching up with friends’ for them to go off of. He had those days off anyway. Seoul would be fine without him until then.  

But uncertainty lingered in his mind. What if you didn’t call? What if you were busy? He knew your world didn’t revolve around him, but he was starting to wish it did. It was stupid, and there were dozens of other people he could call for a quick fuck in this town if you stood him up, but suddenly none of them sounded interesting.

He circled back to that picture you’d sent him earlier and found himself wishing he could see your face.

“What the fuck is wrong with me?” he muttered out loud to no one in particular and forced himself to turn his phone off to try and sleep again.

-

The second night was much like the first. Quick sex, donuts, cherry coke. You didn’t even finish your half of the donuts before you were out the door. You expected the third night to be the same, along with that awkward ‘we might never see each other again’ interaction that happens at the end of every fling, but what you got was far from it.

“You should stay.”

You already had one shoe on when he dropped that out of nowhere and-

“What?” was all you could say.

“It’s late, you should stay over. We could get breakfast in the morning or something.”

“Wonwoo, I-”

“You don’t sleep over after one-night-stands, I know.”

“Then why are you asking me?”

“Well, it’s been three nights…” he trailed off.

“But it’s the same arrangement,” you argued.

“What if it wasn’t?”

You put down your other shoe and stood up. “What are you saying?”

“I don’t know,” he admitted.

“I have those rules for a reason. I didn’t just make them up for fun. Without them… feelings get hurt. Hearts get broken. Things get complicated.”

“I know.” Wonwoo sighed softly and took a tentative step towards you. “But-”

“But what?”

“But it doesn’t have to be like that,” he finished. “It won’t be like that.”

“How do you know?”

“I don’t,” he said honestly. “But there’s a first time for everything.”

lmk what you think i always appreciate feedback!!

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[akajb84]

Jurassic World: Dominion (review, sort of)

So, I went and saw it Thursday afternoon, and have been trying to process it ever since. I’m not sure where I’ll put it in the final rankings of the 6 movies (there’s a lot competing for the bottom spots), but Jurassic Park remains #1 followed by Jurassic World (imo). 

If I had to give Dominion a rating out of 10, after just one viewing, I think I’d go with a 6. Maybe, maybe, I could be convinced into a 7. But I could possibly also convince myself to go below 5. 🤷‍♀️ Yeah, my thoughts / feelings are that disjointed. 

In order to explain that a bit, I have to do spoilers, so putting them below. Skip if you don’t want anything ruined. 

So, the main thing that is behind my rating, is that there is a reason I loved JP as a kid and it was the blend of real science with the whole world. Everything felt actually possible. Michale Crichton was great at that. And it’s why even though I don’t like TLW, it still had a stronger science backing (because MC was still involved). MC’s stories were also amazing at being a commentary on society. The movie was a great popcorn film, but it also had such a deeper level to it. 

So when JW came out, it was the perfect timing in my life to get back to those movies. I didn’t expect much. In fact, I expected to not like it. But it was fun. The characters were fun. And while yes, it pretty much mimicked JP, that’s why it worked. The idea of the park actually getting opened felt real. The idea that people would want to go felt real. It all felt like something that could mostly happen. There wasn’t a ton of science, but of what there was, it still felt mostly grounded, as they, like I said, mainly copied JP. And it had that level of social commentary. 

Okay, so Dominion. I really wasn’t sure what to think going in. I (unlike most) was really disheartened by all the casting news. I knew there was no way they could tell a strong story with that many characters, unless most of them weren’t really part of the story. Also, the end of FK left so many questions, that it felt hard to answer in a single film. I kept myself mostly sheltered from the news, not wanting to know much and to keep my expectations low.

My main complaint for Dominion, is that it lacked any grounding in real science and that the social commentary it attempted, was so blatant that it lost any meaning (especially since no one was concerned). Up until Dominion, the Jurassic movies (to me) were commentaries on people vs people, and people vs nature (dinosaurs). In Dominion, it was just people vs people (and they turned Dodgson into a cartoon villain), and dinos vs dinos. 

Some of my other issues:

1) While JP is my favourite of the movies, and while I like Grant and Sattler, I really didn’t want them to get together. Sattler having moved on and had kids, to me, meant it was done. I know others disagree. (As a kid when I first saw JP, I never thought that Grant and Sattler were together, and so it never bothered me in future movies that they weren’t. They weren’t in the books. It made sense to me that they weren’t.) My complaint over them getting together isn’t even that they got together, is that they turned Grant, who was this great character, a little socially awkward, knowing what he wants out of life, happy to terrify children with a raptor claw, into this pathetic person who had been pining for 30 years. It didn’t fit. 

2) Claire and Owen’s storyline was to simply be parents trying to get to their rescued “daughter”. The beginning shots of them didn’t add anything to the rest of the film. You have no idea what they’ve been doing. And once the action starts, they weren’t trying to uncover anything or fix anything or... Claire had lost all of her ambition from the first two movies. And their only goal with Owen seemed to be to have him do a bunch of action stuff just cause they could.

3) Not just the huge personality change for them, but they essentially KIDNAPPED MAISIE AND HELD HER HOSTAGE for 4 years. How does no one else seem to think this is something horrible? Letting her leave the cabin is not freedom. This is something you’d call CPS for. What the hell?

4) The attempt to do redemption for Henry was so weak and stupid. He’s had 30 years, and only now that he’s destroying wheat with his giant locusts that he cares? Not all the people he’s killed? And give me a break that he would’ve been able to fix the locusts that fast. It was too late for all the crops they’d destroyed. There would still be a massive world-wide famine problem. 

5) Maisie’s past being explained -- I’m glad they attempted it, but again, the idea that all happened that fast, yeah, no. Charlotte was apparently a super genius the likes the world has never seen that she managed to clone herself and create something that changed *all* the dna in her clone to fix it from a disease and yet only be like 34 years old 25 years old. Edited -- apparently born in probably 72 or so.) 🤦‍♀️ Did Charlotte never tell anyone about Sorna? That seems unlikely...  

6) And finally (for now, I have so much more I could say), all the callbacks to the previous films. The first couple were nice nods. But then it was just constant. Dialogue. Clothing. Exact shots/movement. My sister’s (who I saw it with), and who probably hasn’t seen JP in over 5 years, first comment when we left was about that. But this just goes with all the other pieces -- it’s all shoved in your face, and not the nice little nods for big fans. It’s “LOOK HOW I COPIED THIS.” 

So, yeah... I still feel like giving it a 6 was generous. But, it was nice to see a bit more clawen content, although it would be nice if their interactions weren’t essentially “don’t die” “oh good you didn’t die” over and over again. 

(Did you notice I mentioned about nothing about the dinos above? Yeah, they were that unimportant to the film. You could’ve taken them all out and told the same stories for all the main characters. 🤦‍♀️)

[some-jw-things]

if you dont mind explaining, what did the organisation do that it gives you such reaction? im not jw/exjw myself, im just following this blog because i wanna keep myself educated on all sorts of issues, but if you dont want to its absolutely fine

I mean Jehovahs Witnesses are blatantly a cult. That’s been explained pretty thoroughly by a lot of people.

I guess “this organization is a cult” can be hard to understand what that actually means. On a personal level, it defined my entire life. When I introduced myself to new people, the first thing I said was that I was one of Jehovah’s Witnesses. It was my entire identity. I actually think of myself back when I still believed in it as a completely different person than who I am now. I consider my old self to be dead, and so does my family.

When I told them I wanted to leave the cult, they mourned me. They cried for months. They raged and got angry. My sister refused to even look at me for days. In the span of one sentence, I lost my whole family, all of my friends, and my entire community. I was shunned, and they blamed me for abandoning them.

And I knew that would happen. They had always made it perfectly clear that love was conditional. I was told flat out— multiple times— that I would get kicked out of the house if I got disfellowshipped. My dad told me as a child that he would stop supporting me if I ever went to college, because every Witness he knows who’s ever gone has left the Truth. He also told me that the day I turned eighteen he would make me pay rent to keep living in his house unless I was preaching full time. All of that later turned out to be empty threats and a doctor told me that last part was actually illegal, but my family made sure I grew up believing it.

I was only loved so long as I followed the rules. This is standard practice for Jehovah’s Witnesses. I am lucky I got off as light as I did and wasn’t kicked out on the street. Even that only happened due to a technicality and how obviously mentally ill I was at that point.

Jehovah’s Witnesses’ theology is the reason I started self-harming. I was afab and when I was fifteen I spent a month asking why God thought women were innately lesser than men. That culminated in a big family discussion where I got anxious enough to start scratching at my lip over and over until I had a massive gash. My family watched. My mother made a token protest that I listened to for about three seconds. I walked away from that conversation with the knowledge that I needed to keep my mouth shut because certain questions were actually not allowed and a brand new bad habit.

I created an entire system for myself based on rigid discipline and punishment and the idea that any mistake meant I didn’t deserve to feel un-miserable, which is exactly the sort of mentality that this all-or-nothing religious purism breeds.

I was institutionalized in hospital psychiatric wards four times in the year after I left, and one more time about a year after that. The high school attempted to put me in foster care then, out of concern for my safety if I continued living in that environment. My mother supported the idea

The first time I remember sincerely contemplating suicide was when I was thirteen. My thoughts then were just that I figured I would never be able to hold off killing myself long enough to live to be eighteen. I felt trapped. I was specifically thinking I would never have the guts to be able to pry myself out of the Org and so I would be stuck in it forever. The JW lifestyle is miserable in a way I can’t express

I have comforted my little sister while she’s had a break down crying in the bathroom during meeting because the talk was about Armageddon and she didn’t think our dad would make it into Paradise. She had to stop attending public school because of panic attacks. She was suicidal too at one point, but our mom thought she wasn’t as bad as me and therefore was making it up for attention

Jehovah’s Witnesses by and large treat mental illness with prayer and talking to the elders. The majority of teenage girls in my congregation had severe unaddressed issues. The Society has whole articles on how sometimes the answer IS demonic possession. Their version of Paradise is a eugenics fantasy

At one point an elder comforted my family by telling them that Jehovah likely didn’t view my choice to leave as legitimate due to my mental issues. They have official articles calling all apostates “mentally diseased,” and how am I supposed to argue why that’s wrong?

The majority of Jehovah’s Witnesses’ teachings are bigoted and hateful. They have a cute little kids cartoon that compares the evil gays to terrorists. I was taught the mark of Cain and curse of Esau were responsible for the existence of other races. JW women are required to submit to their husbands and fathers no matter what, and divorce is a sin that will get you shunned. Trans people are forced to live as their agab, gay people have to remain celibate and never date. The elders reserve the right to out you to whoever they want, whenever they want.

There have been so many talks that have sent me running off somewhere private to cry and panic

There’s this little girl in the hall who was friends with my sister. She had needed a blood transfusion when she was a baby. Her parents had been willing to let her die, but the courts stepped in and took her away for a few days. She was given the blood transfusion, lived, and at thirteen had a crying breakdown in the middle of the hall because the talk had just said she would never make it into Paradise now. Usually though, if you’re old enough to speak for yourself, they let you die

My parents have had three bankruptcies and they mock me for saving money. They live as if the world is going to end at any moment. There’s no such thing as a future

The world has been about to end since my grandma was little. That’s a running joke. She’s lived through more changes to the Org than I’ll ever know about. My family has been ruthlessly controlled by this organization for generations. My family aren’t allowed to accept me even if they wanted to. I’ve seen this Org ruin so many people’s lives in a whole variety of ways. Three other kids I grew up with have been disfellowshipped since becoming adults. There are others who I don’t think could leave unless they literally ran away in secret

JW ideology loans itself to a certain style of parenting and that has consequences. They control every aspect of members’ lives. Behavior, dress, speech, career, free time, friends, which family you’re allowed to see, what media you can consume. The thoughts you are allowed to have. I’ve been sent into a spiraling panic before over the idea that “I shouldn’t be thinking that”

The Org barred outside ideas and all criticism. They forcibly kept me in the dark. Members are intentionally isolated from not just all outsiders, but also all outside opinions. I was raised in a way intended to make me an outcast everywhere but within the Org. I was told never to read about Jehovah’s Witnesses from any writer other than the Society itself. I was told never to listen to its critics. I was told that reading forbidden books would get me possessed by demons

The Society controlled and defined my entire life and somehow still manages to do so even after I’ve left. Every member I know has been hurt by it. I’m just the one who won’t forgive

[miss-lady-uhane]

Off My Chest Pt.1

I don't see what's so hard about being in a relationship. You are born in to a group of relationships. Your parents, maybe siblings, aunts, uncles, or cousins?

Then immediately you're expected to create more relationships and this time it's with strangers. You're told at a you age to treat others how you want to be treated but who's to say that others will treat you the way you treat them. It's totally uncertain how a person will react to you since not everyone gets along even for the most simple of reasons.

When I was in elementary school I always had the weirdest time making friends and I think it's because no one else was going through what I was going through. At that time I was too young to connect those dots because I didn't even really know what I was going through. I always hung out with my cousin patsy when we weren't in school, mostly because my dad was working and she was also my only cousin who was my age. I think we got along well but we just had different views about things. We both grew up in a Jehovah Witness family, and by that I mean my grandparents were both heavily religious and had 13 kids where majority of them were also heavy in to the JW beliefs. The difference between us was that her dad didn't care about going to church and never let the rest of the family pressure him. My dad was always in the church as a young man but was also a troublemaker and actually was disfellowshiped which means no one in the JW congregation could talk to you because you've basically been banned and the only way to get that back is to do everything you're supposed to do in regards to being a good follower.

I don't exactly know how his obligations transferred to me but we always had to go to church until I was maybe 6-8? And I had to go alone. My older cousins would take me to bible study or come over and study the watch tower. At a young age I started to actually realize how hypocritical that was, why do I have to get dressed up and memorize the Bible when my dad just stays home every night? Boom. All at once I was a bad person even though I never did anything wrong.

As a kid I spent a lot of time with my dad who was really strict. My grandma got me a phone because he would refuse to answer her calls and that was both the best and worst gift. I could have some kind of social life and hang out with my friends but my dad would literally call me every 20 minutes and I'm not exaggerating. It got to the point where I would just turn my phone off even if I knew I would get in trouble.

The constant calling and over-protection along with my dad always being gone for work coupled with moving in to smaller and smaller housing situations started to change me inside. I started realizing that not everything was peachy-keen. My dads best friends who I would go over and hang out with their kids no longer wanted him around which meant I had less and less friends. I started to wonder why my dad was always so frantic and why these people he's known his whole life started to drift away from him. The final time we moved to Pa'anau village which was basically Kauai's section 8 housing changed everything. After a lot of drama and overhearing arguments I realized that we were poor. I was still to young to understand why that was but I wasn't really bothered by it because I still wore the same school uniform, I still saw my friends from school, I still went to the beach every day. The only thing that was different now was that my dad was unemployed because the union does massive layoffs all the time.

I was still in middle school at this time and things started to change a little, people wanted to come to my neck of the woods all the sudden and I could never think of an excuse to tell them why they couldn't. Because my dad is a hoarder? Because I live in the ghetto? Or what else? Because my dad refused to pick me up or drop me off because he was always asleep? I never questioned why my dad was the way he was. I always just thought he was sad and missed my mom. He would cry a lot and have nightmares where he would yell for her and I would go in and wake him up and he would just cry.

I learned a lot about growing up once we moved to pa'anau. I had to clean our apartment all the time or it would be a mess, I did my own laundry. I definitely got in a lot of trouble because of who I was hanging out with in the environment. Living there and going to school in the city really changed who I was as a person.

I never saw myself as a "hot girl" or let alone a "pretty island girl". When I was in chief was I remember being like wow I thought I was a tomboy before and now I don't even own a pair of short hollister jean shorts. Either way I made my own path, I had the typical "text" boyfriend that I never saw in my life. We'd look at each other after our friends would go tell them something we each sent them on a mission to relay. Never really cared for any of that because in reality I was still shooting my guy friends with airsoft guns on the weekends.

After a while I realized that I couldn't just hang out with my two guy friends (Curtis & Treydon) because they too were finding themselves in a whole new world. I started hanging out with girls.. I just always felt like I never fit in. Girls as a whole are hard to get close with because there is ALWAYS drama. I still managed to have a group of friends wether I was unsure of if they really liked me or not we all ate lunch and we all hung out every lunch and found each other in class.

In the 8th grade things started to go for a wild turn. I got in a lot of trouble since my after school friends were those in my neighborhood and most of the people who lived in Pa'anau Village have drug using parents or drug dealing parents. I ended up getting arrested for the first time when I was 11 years old. We were eating ice cream I. Old Koloa Town when one of our friends said hey that couple left their bag should we take it? I remember everyone being scared and not wanting to but before I knew it she grabbed it and everyone just started running so of course I ran. She started opening the bag once we got to a bush covered pond near by and I realized we fucked up. The bag had her cell phone, her engagement ring, wedding band, Movado watch, everything. When they caught us I didn't have anything in my possession but the only thing that linked me was a phone call to my cell phone from the stolen phone. That call was made by a friends boyfriend who thought it was funny.

I'm now an 11 year old on probation. Grounded for life, can't affiliate with those friends, not to mention that we all had a different version of what happened. After this I found out that not only those friends but also our mutual school friends also had it out for me. As some kind of joke while we were banned from seeing each other they made a fake MySpace page where they started flirting with all kinds of guys including my last friend left in the groups boyfriend.

At this point I pretty much gave up on everyone I knew. I didn't want to hang out with them and I knew that I could find better people to be with. 8th grade summer my cousin Levi who was for some reason two years older than me in the same grade invited me to hang out with his friends. They were all way older and looked at me crazy!

A 13 year old? Who brought her here. But I was a balmores and they knew my older cousins really well. This group wasn't easy to get in to but once again I found my way and stuck around.

This all leads me to what I wanna figure out. Why, do I consistently get shafted? My 9th grade year I met a boy, he was quiet and literally said nothing to me. We would pass at school and for the first time ever I was like wow who is that. Fast forward, I find out he's friends with my new older friends because he was a senior which would make sense why I never saw him before. We eventually had small interactions and then one day at a party we hooked up. Go figure. We danced and kissed and I was like holy shit I'm gonna get in so much trouble. After that he literally said nothing to me until months went by and it happened again and this time it went all the way. First of all as I'm writing this why the fuck would he be the one to choose? Fuckin guy didn't do anything. Anyway.

I'm 14 and I've lost my virginity to a senior who also lost his virginity to me. Everyone we knew found out and made fun of him for hooking up with such a young girl. Everyone was so mean to me and he never talked to me again not a single word. Later I find out he was too embarrassed, what a pussy.

Instead of being sad I got really mad and started partying more and being kind of a tease because I thought it was funny that guys would try to hook up with me and I could say no but a girl they knew for years would be trying to hook up with them and the guy wouldn't want to. My way of killing two birds with one stone, getting over a guy and pissing off girls who were being mean to me.

Eventually I had my first legit boyfriend and that was.. a first. Typical I threw away my whole world for him but it wasn't hard since we were in the same group, things continued pretty much as normal minus the fact that I always had a ride now.

A lot of things happened that would need an entire book to fill in order for me to explain my self enstated independence from my dad, moving in with a friend, moving in with my coupons, then ending up in Washington.

I spent the entire time in Washington flying back and forth to California partially to see my boyfriend and partially to stay with friends and party.

My boyfriend and I ended pretty bad. He had developed depression and became a legitimate alcoholic, was cheating on me with multiple girls who I was suspicious of, then finally he was a complete drunk monster and that was the end of that.

Once again I found my way. I stayed in Washington and completed high school where I also met a whole squad of female demons. But yet again I started dating someone I met at a party. I didn't know him at all just what I knew from parties and social media. I figured we would be good friends and have fun and it was one of those things where he just called me his girlfriend one day. This was the biggest mistake I could've ever made. This guy was abusive, mentally and physically. I've never dealt with anyone like that and found myself at my weakest point. He spat in my face, threw my belongings all over the place, cheated on me physically, cheated on me on social media, fought with me publicly and on social media. Ultimately he ended up hacking any kind of internet profile I owned and was trying to ruin my life and I had to go to his house get my stuff and tell his parents and threaten legal action. Worst person ever.

Then right before I move to college a friend of mine was really in to setting me up with someone and I told her sure but nothing official. I hung out with this guy and her a few times and started to like him just because he was a normal guy. Pretty basic, friends, family, a dog. Most of all worshipped the ground I walk on. Everything was pretty easy going he asked me to be his girlfriend and I didn't see why not so I said yes, we dated in Washington for 3 months. I moved to California and we were still together even though that wasn't the plan. While I was there the day before my first ever jiu jitsu tournament I get a call "Keanna I'm so sorry I should've never done that I feel so terrible" the voice was a girl but the number wasn't recognized. It was a friend of my boyfriend, she told me that they went to lunch and after went back to his place. I didn't care much about him hanging out with girls because he had a lot of girl friends and it just wasn't an issue. She said that she wanted to break up with her crazy boyfriend and she saw an opportunity (to cheat) and took it. They went back to his house after having a long talk about how they used to have feelings for each other. The stories after this don't really add up but what I gather is that they went up to his room to have sex or something and she started feeling guilty, because we were "friends" and told him she changed her mind to which he responded "can I touch your ass at least" and she pulled her pants down and he touched her ass. Doesn't make sense yeah? So anyway I'm not really trying to deal with this and I should've broken up with him but instead I call him and I said "what did you do?" He sounds confused so I ask again but this time louder. He panicks and says I don't know I don't know. He ended up telling me and flew down the weekend after because wanted to talk. While he was there I looked through his phone and saw some other conversations he was having and also saw that when we first were hanging out he had another option if I didn't go through. Another option who apparently was in his bed when they were making out and she got her period and bled on him she felt so inclined to apologize. After this I lost my shit and didn't trust him at all and I just wanted him to leave. He begged me to forgive him and promised nothing would ever happen again and like me, I go with it. We end up dating for a total of two years. After he said he wouldn't do anything he really didn't. I still let him do whatever he wanted if he wanted to go to Vegas with his friends or party or go to lunch with girls. I just didn't really care I guess, my friend told me "do what you want to do so I know what you'd rather do" so I kept that. Eventually I was tired of how dependent he was. I had to do everything for him aside from basic chores. I had to file papers for him (e.g work, school, gym) I felt like I was teaching him how to do things and I just got tired of it. I felt like everything was almost too good and too plain because I was carrying the relationship. I was better than him at everything. We broke up and he moved out which was a long process.

During that process I was working my first full time job, had a recently found new best friend, and was spending most of my time with someone from high school who didn't like me but we ended up liking our adult selfs. This person suggested that I start hanging out with a teammate, a guy I knew since the 6th grade, or at least knew who he was. She said she thought we would be cute together and people always made fun of us for being so close. Never in my mind did I think I would date him. I just didn't see him like that. We started hanging out and realized we have a lot more in common than we thought. Everything happened pretty fast and things were so different. For once I was open to the idea of having a "friends with benefits" because I knew this person for a while and knew he wasn't exactly the relationship type. I told him that this could work out as long as he didn't keep me in the dark and was honest with me. After 4 months of us being kind of exclusive kind of not he told me that he loved me more than anyone else and I felt the same way. We were officially official. I felt so close to him in ways I never felt with anyone else. Eventually we had our first issue. I had found out that he had been chatting with our old classmate who lived in a city near by, he was telling her all kinds of false nothings and she asked "aren't you dating Keanna?" To which he replied "ugh". I found out because we were sitting with each other that night and she messaged him, I said ew why are you talking to that girl? And he said they were talking because she lived near by. I messaged her "hey girl. Bryson told me you live in LA we should hang sometime" to which she responded something like "Keanna I'm so sorry I shouldn't have been talking to him I'm so sorry I did this to you" followed with screenshots of their conversation. I was hurt. I freaked out, he left, he came back and squeezed me tight after hours of us fighting and said he was sorry and it would never happen again. A few months go by and we're sort of living together mostly because I didn't want to hang out at his house anymore and my place was cuter. Every morning before he went to work he spent a huge amount of time in the bathroom and I was always kind of like wtf and I don't remember how I found this out but I found out that he was flirting with girls during those hours because some how one of the girls told me and sent me screenshots of their conversations. Once again I got mad and forgave him and months went by. I go away for thanksgiving break leaving him at our place/my place. I come back to beautiful flowers and more attention than I had before. He told me shortly after that break that he wasn't going to be hanging with his old friends because they were bad news and I was pretty surprised. I kind of agreed but I also think.. idk my friends are wild too. Either way things were good. One day he gets a FaceTime call and didn't want to answer it, I copied the number in to google and found a name of a girl I recognized from a while ago at my birthday. I was drunk and he let me send a Snapchat to a bunch of girls I told them "I will ruin your life" the only one who responded was this girl who said "I didn't even do anything" and I thought it was funny. I find out that while I was gone for thanksgiving he and his friend picked this girl up and her friend and brought them to my apartment and they stayed the night. They made a vlog about how they picked them up in my car and how they hung out at my place and slept so long that they missed their flight. The next morning there were videos of my boyfriend driving them back in my car. My heart stopped.

I've never felt so blind sided in my life. I hated him and I didn't want to see him again but somehow he convinced me that it was all a mistake and he already cut all these toxic people out of his life.

He suggested that we delete social media and I remember the exactly message "if you love me you'll do the same thing" and I was like wow, yeah let's do it. That was probably the most interesting time of my life. For once I didn't have social media and I had to answer to everyone as to why and tell them that I am okay and that I'm just taking time off. We ended up moving to LA to be closer to school. His friend moved in from Kauai and stayed only 6 months. Living in LA was an interesting change. We got to eat a lot and experience a different kind of the city.

Lots of little things happened while we were here, we fought a lot about social media. He would reactivate his Instagram without telling me which I felt like was kind of shady since we were doing this together and I didn't know there was that option on the table but I felt like life was better without it anyway. At one point I saw a call on his phone made from Snapchat to a random girl. I asked about it and it got no where but I became very suspicious. At this point my trust level was low as could be but I just thought that the goods were good and that bads were so stupid and avoidable. One day I just decided to look through his Venmo and the first name said "queenturtlee" I was like wtf kind of name is that so I look it up on google and see that it's connected to a Twitter account of a girl asking people to send her money. I reach out to her and ask why she's friends with my boyfriend to which she sends me screenshots of their conversations and once again I am frantic. I screenshot all of it and send it to him, we go through the apologies again. And yet again I believe that he was going to delete it. Half way through living in Palos Verdes, life at this point is a fucking rollercoaster. I haven't told anyone about anything thats happened I haven't opened up or really understand how I feel about it we just keep moving. One night after he was out with friends he was getting texts and calls from a Hawaii phone number which I thought was strange, I look it up on a google and I recognize the name. I start questioning it but I get deflected, it's nothing it's nothing. Once again we move on.

A few months go by and we're hit with an actual pandemic. We leave LA all together to go to Washington temporarily and it turned in to permanently after realizing that life in California just wasn't going to be sustainable. I graduated college virtually, we were living in my grandmas house for 3-4 months. Things were weird. We were managing to stay positive by doing all the things we possibly could to stay active and have a good summer.

Eventually we got our own place, moved all our belongings up, and got a puppy! Things were still locked down but at least we had all of our things and more importantly we had this little fluffy bear.

I've always struggled with birth control because I would get the worst symptoms so a friend told me about tracking ovulation and taking my basal body temperature in place of taking birth control. This method was risky but I felt like it was okay because she does it. One day I felt really sick and realized I didn't get my period, I took 5 pregnancy tests all faded positive negative. This led to me having to take a bunch of blood tests and ultrasounds to find out that I was exactly 3 weeks pregnant.

I wasn't ready and had no intention on having the baby but I had to wait until a fetus was visible to do anything about it. While I'm in this process I get a random message from a classmate I haven't talked to in years. They say "hey girl sorry to message you about this but I was at a family party and there were some girls talking about your boyfriend subscribing to her only fans" I immediately felt my heart drop lower than ever. The girl who was at the party messaged me, she told the girl with the only fans to message me and she did. She sent me everything and I remembered a time recently when I walked out late at night and saw him on Snapchat which is where the messages she showed me came from. So once again I confront him but this time it's different. I'm going through something that I never thought. I'm waiting weeks knowing I'm pregnant feeling nauseas, anxious, and scared. What am I supposed to do now.

After a huge fight, the solution was that he would delete it again and give me his password.

This was probably the worst it ever was. A couple nights I unlocked his phone and then got nervous and locked it again. I wanted to look but I was scared of what I would find. I couldn't sleep every night, I didn't know what I was doing, I didn't know if I could trust him anymore. Everything was so good how was I going to deal with a breakup, a puppy separation, all after moving to a new state. I thought to myself, if I don't look now I'll never know. So I do. I find messages that date back to a year. I find all the extra messages that no one sent me, I find money trails sent to females for nudes or sexual messages. Worst of all I find the girl that I saw calling him a year before when he came home late that one night. He had been talking to this girl the entire time, telling her stories about things we were doing. Worst of all is that he wrote the words "I love you".

I completely lost my shit. I woke him up in a rage showing him all the things I saw asking him how he could do this to me.

I never wanted to see him again I felt like I was going to throw up. I was crying so much I felt like the world knew.

He went to his moms house and I tried to stay out or away as much as possible without telling my family anything. At this point it hurt so much. I love him so much, everything outside of social media is a dream so why would he risk that? I felt insecure. A few days before my surgery he told me that he wanted to be there for me and that he was a changed person and realized how fucked up he was but he didn't want me to go through it alone. I didn't want to go through it alone either, I couldn't stop thinking about what I saw and all the names I read. I felt alone and like I was looking at a stranger.

He came back and we slowly tried to figure out how to be normal again. Since then we've moved on far but I think he moves much faster or at least it seems like it. He is my best friend and someone I care about differently than I've ever before. We make a great team, we support each other and know each other on a deep level. We can be our selves with each other. We know each other more than I've ever known any of my friends.

Today, we are still together. He is still my best friend. Our little fluffy bear is now a semi-huge German shepherd who is the cutest and most well behaved 9 month old ever. We've established ourselves in Washington and he actually got a really good job doing what he went to school for. In regards to loyalty things have been going well so far. It's taken me a lot to get to where I am now, I feel like I lost myself for a long time. I'm trying to work on myself lately and trying to stay focused on things that really matter. Our life is pretty much picture perfect but we're still growing up.

Our most constant argument is always social media, but now it's all over the place. It's me being crazy, it's him being careless. A constant circle of misunderstanding each other and breaking each other down emotionally. Sometimes I wish there was a way to forget everything. I wish social media was as it were before, simple. I wish communication wasn't so aggressive and that there was an easier way to mediate instead of getting a therapist. I don't know I wish there was a way to make the pain go away. To not think about what's made me who I am today.

I think it's hard being in your 20s. Everyone is at different stages of life. They have different priorities. People who you grew up with are now spread across the world and you may go years without seeing someone you consider your close friend.

One thing that's hard for me now is not knowing what's next. I feel as if I've given all of the emotional gas I have and if anything else makes my heart drop I think I'll completely give up.

I wish it was easier to get over a fear but some people including myself need extra support. Unfortunately for my boyfriend, not only does he get to deal with what we've been through but he has to deal with all that I've been through.

I always feel like no one I know actually knew what I went through growing up. Boyfriends or best friends are usually the ones who get to know you best and so far only one person who's not my family knows so much about me. Life has shown me how easy it's been for people to leave me or treat me badly. I know that I am not a perfect person but I do know that I don't deserve half the things I experienced. I blame myself for being too forgiving, I blame the church for teaching me that trait, I blame my dad for making me go and making me think life was different than it was.

At this point I have no one to blame but myself for how things have gone. All I can hope is that all that I have now stays afloat and keeps growing in the positive direction that it has. I can't control everything even though I want to.

[grimelords]

Hello I’ve finished my February playlist for you. There’s no timeline on these things anymore they just come out whenever they come out it seems. A good mix, and I’m sure there’ll be at least one thing in here you’ve never heard before that you’ll like. 

Doncamatic (feat. Daley) - Gorillaz: This song is extremely traumatic for me because they released it after Plastic Beach as a standalone single and Damon Albarn said they had a whole other album worth of songs from the Plastic Beach sessions that they were thinking about releasing with Doncamatic as the lead single that just never materialised, and the idea of Plastic Beach 2 sitting on a hard drive while we get The Now Now (The Fall 2) instead is maddening.

Portait Of A Man (live) - Marlon Williams: I feel like I've used The Secret to bring this album into existence. It's exactly what I wanted from him - no studio artifice or weird genre pigeonholing and his huge voice on full display. It's incredible and long as hell and this is definitely the highlight.

Houdini Crush - Buke & Gase: I'm in love with the structure of this song. It takes SO long to get back to the chorus. It takes about three different sections in the middle and then finally gets back there and it's so satisfying because of it. You could edit this song into a tight indie pop piece but instead it has the space to go wild and jam and it's great.

AE_LIVE_KRAKOW_200914 - Autechre: Sorry but Autechre finally put all their live albums on spotify and they're very VERY good. Not the sort of thing that you want to listen to as part of a playlist exactly cause they go for an hour each but a very nice reminder nonetheless.

Sheet Metal Girl - Pig Destroyer: I think Pig Destroyer is one of the best band names I've ever heard. I found out later they meant pigs like cops which is still good but the idea of absolutely eviscerating a hog for no reason is very palpably metal. Just looked up the lyrics and this song seems to literally about having sex with a girl made out of sheet metal. Good!

Horizon - Aldous Harding: I absolutely love this song and the way she says 'babe' lights my brain up like a christmas tree. Every now and then I think about when you’ll die baaaaabe.

Born Slippy (Nux) - Underworld: There's a good bit on the Genius page for this song that says "Lots of 1990s acts helped popularize techno, but in Karl Hyde, Underworld had something that was the exclusive province of rock bands: a totally full-of-it frontman who sounded cool." and it's interesting that Underworld and The Prodigy are the biggest names to survive that time and still be at least slightly relevant now. No matter how much you put into your instrumentals nothing can really compare to just having an insane guy yell a bunch of garbage over it.

A Change Is Going To Come - Baby Huey & The Baby Sitters: This is like all good all normal and then he does that huge squeal at 2 minutes in and you're rocked to your core and then it only gets bigger and bigger and better from there. Also maybe one of the best mid song monologues I've ever heard.

No Signal (feat. Roy Woods) - 24hrs: The whole thing of emo rap mirroring mid 2000s emo is still so strange because it's not just the mindset and content being repurposed it's the literal melodic conventions. Change the instrumentation of this song and it's melodically just an emo song. Very strange, but this song is great regardless.

De Aqui No Sales - Cap.4: Disputa - Rosalia: Rosalia rocks and I only just found out El Guincho co-produced this album which is very exciting to me. I love the way this song feels like it never really gets to the big build up it's promising. It has a big intro for about half the song and then when it feels like it's about to blow up when the handclaps come in it just sits in that groove for a while and ends. I also feel like I should mention the video for this song because it's like the platonic ideal of a music video. It's got everything you could ask for. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AvGt2BcDl_g

Glass Jar - Gang Gang Dance: Here's how good brains are: I had a sudden urge to listen to this album the other day but couldn't remember what it was called or who it was by, only the album cover, but for some reason locked away in my brain was the fact that it was from 2011 so I just looked through Pitchfork's Best Of 2011 list until I recognised it. Incredible. Anyway I'm so glad I did because I ended up having a huge phase with this album. They walk the fine line of psychedelic jammy bands like this of taking up a lot of space with atmospherics but it never feeling like it's lost momentum. Even when this song takes fully half of its 11 minute runtime to properly get started it never feels like wasted time somehow, it's always moving somewhere.

Heavyweight - Infected Mushroom: It's unbelievable that this song's good because it absolutely shouldn't be. The unholy mix of goa trance and metal usually reserved for Command And Conquer soundtracks is so unbelievably naff that it's come all the way around again and I absolutely love it.

Black Static - Health: I'm still absolutely furious about Pitchfork giving this album a 3 and not particularly for the score but because it's some of the worst Pitchfork Writing I've seen in a quite a while. They tried to cancel them for calling the album Slaves Of Fear I think: "The “we,” it seems, refers to the slaves, the slaves of fear, and if I try any harder to connect the dual sensation of edginess and laziness with slavery, the all-American institution that killed and brutalized millions of people for hundreds of years, I am going to have to take a long walk into the sun." Not sure about that. Anyway this song's great sorry for talking about a review instead of the song!

Burn Bridges - The Grates: Twee pop is an underrated genre and The Grates are an underrated band because they brought so much attitude and power to it it's hardly twee at all. It's huge and it rocks!

Girlfriend (feat. Lil Mama) - Dr. Luke Mix - Avril Lavigne: Sorry for putting Dr Luke on your dash in 2019 but this is mostly for Lil Mama. Removing Avril's verses and replacing them with Lil Mama but keeping the chorus and big guitars makes it sound like a lost Girl Talk song and it's so, so much better than the original. There's also a good bit in this where she really puts a lot of emphasis on saying 'Jennifer Hudson' and the weird harmony vocals in the background mirror it which I like a lot.

Panic Switch - Silversun Pickups: It seems like Silversun Pickups had no lasting impact beyond being one hit wonders for Lazy Eye which is so strange to me because their first two albums were absolutely solid. This is also a good example of totally nonsense lyrics feeling like they have meaning because the melody it so good.

3 - Seekae: It's very strange now to think that Alex Cameron was in Seekae. But that's not important. What is important is how good this song is. In the extremely narrow genre of Mount Kimbie-ites +Dome really stood out to me as album from guys who really got it. It's extremely catchy music but it still sounds like nothing you've ever heard before which when you think about it sounds like it should be impossible.

Shooting Stars - Bag Raiders: Bag Raiders did a little Song Exploder thing for Triple J about this song a little while ago and pointed out something I'd never noticed before which is that this song has the extremely strange structure of 1 really long verse, breakdown, 1 really long chorus, end. Which is.... completely amazing. And also that this song blew up and charted higher than it ever had before via memes like 6 years after it came out is still bizarre. Remember when it was in the video for Swish Swish by Katy Perry? God I hope they got paid a million dollars for that.

Romantic Rights (Erol Alkan's Love From Below Re-Edit) - Death From Above 1979: Huge fan of this remix that seems to just drop the full song unedited right in the middle. The perfect way to remix an already great song - just make it longer.

Dwa Serduszka - Joanna Kulig: I saw Cold War and subsequently couldn't get this song out of my head. I loved that movie so much but I also extremely agreed when @cyborgbree said the ending was like a Simpsons parody or foreign movies.

Holes - Mercury Rev: This song gives me depression and makes me feel like I'm sorting through old records and merch from my old band that tried really hard but never got anywhere even though I've never even been in a band. That's the power of music!

It's Never Over (Hey Orpheus) - Arcade Fire: Reflektor is a great and underrated album and to this day I am still finding new things to love about it! Namely this song which I've never paid much attention to before but massively jumped out at me last time I listened. It's a 3 note riff but it's absolutely amazing.

Dance Your Life Away - Audiobooks: Huge fan of having the gall to name your band Audiobooks and a huge fan of this song! It sounds like if Life Without Buildings was a dance band, which is a theoretically perfect idea. It sounds like she's just making the words up on the spot and she probably is and it's absolutely great.

Everything (Deathless) - JW Ridley: I'm so glad that War On Drugs brought heartland rock back for the masses and finally gave us back extended guitar solos outside of a metal or prog context. It is so inspiring what you can do with two chords and a propulsive groove.

Unmarked Helicopters - Soul Coughing: Sorry for continually putting Soul Coughing in these playlists but check out how good this song they did for the X Files movie soundtrack was. 'check out this Soul Coughing song they did for the X Files movie soundtrack' is a very specific kind of 90s sentence. Anyway the 'black black black black and blacker' part with the distortion on the vocals is so good, love it lots.

Don't Sit Down Cause I've Moved Your Chair - Arctic Monkeys: I saw Arctic Monkeys a couple of weeks ago and it was amazing but also extra good because they played this song that I'd completely forgotten about and it went off. The Josh Homme produced Arctic Monkeys albums are very good because his fingerprints are all over them and they sound like Queens Of The Stone Age covers.

What Can I Do If The Fire Goes Out? - Gang Of Youths: It's fucked up how good this song is. I listened to it the other day and was like 'what the fuck how come I never listened to Gang Of Youths second album that much? But then I kept going and realised it was 70 minutes long and had about five interlude tracks on it. I love Gang Of Youths but they need a producer that will yell at them until they make a 40 minute album. Fuck this song's good though. So good I'm mad I haven't seen it live yet.

Shark Smile - Big Thief: I don't even know the words to this song or what it's about but it makes me cry anyway. I'm very glad I found out about Big Thief this month, like two years after everyone else. Their description on Bandcamp says "Listening to Big Thief is like the feeling of looking at a dog and suddenly marvelling that it is like you but very not like you; when you are accustomed to looking at a dog and thinking 'dog', watching Big Thief is like forgetting the word 'dog' and looking at that naked animal and getting much closer to it and how different it is to you" which is a certainly a way to feel.

Inhaler - Foals: I don't know how I've avoided it but I've never really gotten much into Foals even though they have multiple songs that I really really love, this one being one of them. I think it's an amazing piece of recording simply for how huge it gets. This song swells to about ten times its original size as the chorus hits before totally deflating again. Also a huge fan of anyone that can make a Battles riff work in a conventional song like this does.

Red Bull & Hennessy - Jenny Lewis: Another fantastic song in the long pantheon of great songs about getting twisted and being horny. The isolated 'ohh' after 'all we've been through' feels like a real Shania Twain piece of production and I love it. Also the drums on this song are absolutely massive for some reason which is very cool.​

listen here

[grapesodatozier]

hi hello!! was jw, would u ever write nsfw reddie with mike wheeler thrown in? or like maybe they all met at college & became close friends, and after a party or something they somehow end up having a threesome lmao but it feels natural to them and they’re so into it hhh 🤤

i’m so into this concept omg. also i’ve never written wheelzierbrak before so I hope you like it!! (also sorry this took forever the sophomore slump is very real unfortunately) (for this same reason I have not proofread this so my apologies in advance for that lol)

words: 7,491 (once again we learn that cami cannot write anything short lmao)

read on ao3 or below!!

nsfw below the cut

Mike leaned a little further thanhe needed to into Richie’s grip as he escorted him back to his room, heldEddie’s hand a little tighter than necessary. He was undoubtedly trashed, hissocial filter washed away with all of the vodka he’d had that night. “Guys,this is so much fun,” Mike grinned as he leaned his head on Richie’s chest, Eddiesearching Mike’s pockets for the key to his apartment. Lucas and Dustin werehaving a “guys’ weekend” just the two of them, and Will was at his boyfriend’shouse for the weekend, leaving Eddie and Richie to make sure he got to bed safe.Sober Mike had insisted he would be fine by himself, but sober Eddie and Richieknew better and already had clothes packed, as they knew drunk Mike would wantthem to stay with him. Mike was the clingiest, most affectionate drunk out ofall of their friends, and Eddie and Richie had admitted to each other the nightbefore that they both adored it. They were more than happy to take care of him.

���Yeah?” Richie grinned as he ledMike inside. Eddie made sure to put the key in a safe place before takingMike’s hand again.

“Yeah!” Mike beamed. “I always havefun when I’m with you guys.” Richie and Eddie shared a smile, and Richie pulledthem both into a hug.

“Do you wanna go to sleep, Mike?”Eddie asked softly in his ear. Mike pulled back and pouted at both of them.

“Can you come with me?” Eddie andRichie both smiled softly at him, love overflowing from their gazes - they wereboth drunk as well, and therefore didn’t bother hiding how fond they were ofMike and his adorable little pouts.

“Of course we will.” Eddie kissedMike’s cheek before guiding him by the hand to his bedroom.

“We should keep partying,” Mikesaid, his words slurred and eyes drooping. “Guys, for real, I’m having so muchfun.”

“We can take the party to the bedif you want,” Richie joked in Mike’s ear, his hands on Mike’s waist. Richieloved making Mike blush, and that particular joke made Mike giggle and leanback into Richie’s chest. Richie’s heart melted; he swore he could feel hispupils shaping themselves into hearts. He pressed a kiss to Mike’s temple.“God, you’re cute. Eddie, how is he allowed to be this cute?”

“Beats me,” Eddie said over hisshoulder with a playful smile. “Mike, can I party in my pajamas?” Mike noddedsoftly, still leaning into Richie. Eddie giggled and kissed Mike’s cheek. Mikesmiled softly as Eddie nuzzled his face into Mike’s cheek. “Do you wanna getinto your pajamas, too?” Mike looked to Richie, as if he would have the answer.

“I think you should, pumpkin,”Richie said, booping Mike’s nose lightly. “I think we’re all a little partiedout.” Mike looked a bit conflicted, but he eventually nodded and accepted thepajamas Eddie handed to him.

“Gonna brush my teeth,” Mikemumbled, heading for the bathroom. They both looked after him with matchingsmiles on their faces, smiles which they turned on each other as the doorclosed.

“You’re both so cute,” Eddie sighedas he tossed Richie his pajama pants. Richie happily swapped them in for hisjeans, much preferring the feel of the soft flannel. He whistled as Eddiechanged in front of him.

“You’re quite the sight yourself,”he winked. Eddie rolled his eyes; they always did this, the flirting thing. Allthree of them, but Richie was especially bad.

“I’m glad we’re staying overtonight,” Eddie murmured as he crawled into Mike’s bed. Richie’s heart sang atthe sight.

“Yeah, me too.”

“You coming to bed?”

“I gotta pee first.” For whateverreason, that made both of them burst into giggles. Mike emerged from thebathroom in a t-shirt and pajama pants, a drunken and confused look on hisface.

“What’s funny?” he asked.

“Oh, nothing, darlin’,” Richiesaid, kissing the top of his head before disappearing into the bathroom.

Mike just shrugged and dropped hisclothes into his hamper. He sighed as he crawled under the blanket, the sheetscool and soft on his warm skin. “I love this,” he smiled, melting into the bed.He scooted closer to Eddie and rested his head on his chest. His eyes fellheavily closed. His fingertips ran over the soft fabric of Eddie’s shirt, hismind swimming and fading with how soft and warm and happy he felt. “I loveyou.”

He felt Eddie smiling as he kissedhis forehead. “I love you, too.”

“And I love Richie,” Mike sighed.

“I love Richie, too,” Eddie giggled.

“You two talking about me?”Richie’s voice came floating into the room as he exited the bathroom. Mikelifted his head as much as he could, despite the heaviness of his head.

“Richie!” He beamed and reachedover Eddie for him. He looked up at Eddie then, his nose brushing againstEddie’s jaw. “Oh my god, Eddieee, Richie’s here!” Richie and Eddie sharedanother smile over Mike’s head before Richie slid into the bed on the other sideof Mike. “Richie, Richie, guess what?” Mike giggled, his head lolling back intoRichie’s chest as Richie spooned him from behind.

“Hmm, what is it, sweet pea?”Richie hummed into Mike’s hair.

“Eddie ‘n’ me love you so much.” He smiled to himself, his eyesfalling shut again.

“Oh, do you?” Richie raised hiseyebrows suggestively at Eddie, who rolled his eyes. Mike nodded. Richie kissedhis ear then, making him giggle. “Well, then you two are in luck. Because Ilove you both” kiss “so” kiss “much.” He then proceeded to pressan onslaught of kisses to Mike’s neck, making him giggle and squirm evenfurther into Eddie’s grip. Eddie beamed and held him close. Richie was rightbehind, wrapping his arms around both Eddie and Mike. He ceased his kissattack, softly nuzzling his face into Mike’s hair.

“I love cuddling with you guys,”Mike said, his eyes still closed as he slipped closer and closer to sleep.

“Gotta be careful with cuddling,though,” Richie answered in a jokingly warning tone, “it’s a slippery slope tofucking.”

Eddie rolled his eyes and Richiesmirked at him. Neither of them were expecting what Mike said next: “God, thatwould be even better.” Eddie’s and Richie’s eyes widened, and they once againmet over Mike’s head. There was uncertainty, questioning in each of theirgazes. “I wanna fuck both of you,” Mike continued. Eddie blushed. Richie’smouth fell open slightly. “Well,” he giggled, “I want both of you to fuck me.”

“How about we just go to bed fornow?” Eddie suggested, his voice strained. He pet Mike’s hair affectionately,but Richie could tell he was still processing what Mike had said. Mike frowned.

“I’m sorry,” he said, his voicesuddenly weak, dejected.

“Hey,” Eddie said softly with akiss to Mike’s forehead. “You don’t have anything to be sorry for, okay? Ithink we’re all just tired right now.”

“So I didn’t make it weird?”

“Never,” Richie assured him,holding him tighter. “Making things weird is my job.” Mike smiled softly atthat and snuggled further into his pillow.

“It’s cute when you do it.” Mike’swords were so slurred they were almost incomprehensible.

“You’re cute.” Richie kissed hischeek, but he was already asleep. Richie met Eddie’s eyes then, something he’dbeen avoiding for a few moments. His cheeks were still red, and Richie couldfeel that his own were probably a similar shade. “So…” he trailed off.

“We can talk about it tomorrow,”Eddie whispered. “Or, maybe let it slide?”

“Let’s sleep on it.”

Eddie nodded, and they both closedtheir eyes and settled into the pillows. Neither of them fell asleep for a longwhile.

  They didn’t talk about it the nextmorning. They all are breakfast and nursed their hangovers the together, no onesaying anything out of the ordinary. That is, until Eddie and Richie lefttogether. The walk to their own respective apartments wasn’t far, but the airwas charged between them. “So are we gonna talk about it now?” Richie asked.Eddie immediately turned bright red.

“He didn’t seem to remember sayinganything like that,” he answered.

“But… do you think he meant it?”

Eddie chanced a look at Richie fromthe corner of his eye. “Do you want him to mean it?”

“Honestly?” Richie blew air out ofhis mouth and gave a small chuckle. “Yeah. Do you?” Eddie nodded. “God, you’recute when you blush,” he beamed, placing a kiss to Eddie’s warm cheek. Eddieplayfully pushed him away.

“So, how do we bring this up?Should we ask him what he remembers?”

“I think we should do it the funway,” Richie answered, waggling his eyebrows. Eddie didn’t know what he meantby that, but he was excited to find out.

  The next day Mike got a text fromRichie as he was leaving a job interview. men eds are bored so we crashed your place. whered ya go? Mike smiled tohimself; Richie and Eddie were exactly the people he needed to be around afterthe stress of the interview. Headed backhome now. Just had a job interview so I’m a little stressed, just a heads uplol he sent back.

About fifteen minutes later he waswalking into his apartment and slinging his bag off his shoulder. “Mikey’shome!” he immediately heard Richie exclaim. But it was Eddie who met him first.

“How did it go?” he askedexcitedly.

“I think it went… well…” he trailedoff in confusion as Eddie took his blazer off for him and hung it up. Before hecould ask why he did that, or even thank him for it, Richie was in front ofhim.

“Damn, Wheeler. You clean up nice.”Richie said it casually enough, jokingly enough, but the way his eyes swept overMike’s body sure didn’t feel like a joke. Mike blushed, a snarky comment on hislips - a comment which died as soon as Richie started fingering the tip ofMike’s tie. Richie crowded into his space then, his curls hanging in his eyesas he smiled down at Mike. “You must be tired. Come on, come sit down.” Mike’smouth hung open, speechless, when Richie grabbed his tie and started walkingbackwards, pulling Mike along with him. He let out an audible gasp when Richiesat down on the couch and pulled Mike onto his lap.

“Wh-what’s happening?” hestuttered, breathless and confused and blushing all the way down his chest. Hemust’ve fantasized about this at least a hundred times, but he’d never dreamtthat it might come true, and the fact that it was had his heart trying to punchits way out of his chest. He gasped again when he felt one of Eddie’s hands onhis waist, the other brushing gently through his hair.

“Do you remember what you told uslast night?” he asked softly. Mike’s blood ran cold. No, he didn’t fuckingremember what blackout drunk Mike had admitted to, but he had a pretty goodguess. He shook his head, unable to speak, and prayed that his friends weren’tjust making fun of him. At his core he knew they would never be so cruel, buthe genuinely couldn’t believe his deepest fantasy was coming true.

Richie lightly grabbed his chin,guiding his gaze to his own dark blue one. “You told us you wanted us both tofuck you.” Mike screwed his eyes shut and buried his face in his hands, hisears, cheeks, and chest on fire. “Hey, it’s okay,” Richie soothed as he gentlypulled Mike’s hands away from his face. He was vaguely aware that Eddie wasrubbing circles into his hips with his thumbs. “We want that too, if you stillwant it.” Mike’s eyes widened, and his jaw visibly dropped.

“Really?” he asked, his voicebreaking as he looked between the two of them.

“Really,” Eddie confirmed with asmile and a soft kiss to Mike’s temple. Mike’s eyes flew back to Richie’s.

“What d’ya say?” Richie grinned. Hetwisted Mike’s tie around his hand, pulling him slowly closer and closer untilhe could feel Richie’s breath on his lips as he asked, “Do you want us to fuckyou?” Mike nodded, and with that Richie pulled him in that last inch andbrought their lips together. Mike whimpered into the kiss and steadied himselfwith his hands on Richie’s shoulders. His lips were even softer than theylooked, plump and full as they caressed Mike’s. Richie’s hands were on his hipsand Eddie’s hands were on his waist, and soon he felt Eddie’s lips on his neck.He moaned into the kiss with Richie went he felt Eddie start to suck on asensitive spot on his throat. Richie took the opportunity to tease the tip ofhis tongue over Mike’s bottom lip. Just as Mike began seeking more, Richiegrabbed him by the hair and pulled his head back. Mike moaned. “You want aturn, baby?” Richie asked Eddie, his voice low and gravelly in a way that madeMike’s cock twitch in excitement.

Mike could feel Eddie smilingagainst his skin as he kissed up his neck, jaw, and cheek before finallycupping his face in his hands and kissing him. “You are so beautiful,” hemurmured into Mike’s lips. “Richie and I are gonna take such good care of you.”In stark contrast to Eddie’s sweetness, Richie licked a lewd stripe up the columnof Mike’s neck. Mike whined again, his hands gripping each of Eddie’s andRichie’s shirts.

“Gonna take such good care of you,” Richie echoed in Mike’s ear, his voice muchdarker and more suggestive. He nipped gently at Mike’s neck, making him squirmon his lap as he kissed Eddie. “Gonna fuck you nice and hard, baby. Does thatsound good?”

“So good,” Mike gasped as Eddiepulled away to kiss down the other side of his neck.

“Let’s get you to your bed, okay?”Eddie said, nuzzling into Mike’s hair.

“Okay,” Mike answered. He stood upoff of Richie’s lap, and as he did he realized that both Eddie and Richie werenoticeably hard in their pants as well. Once again, Richie led him by the tie -though this time, Eddie skipped ahead and attached himself to Richie while theywalked, kissing his neck and untucking his shirt. However, as they got toMike’s bedroom, he made no other moves to remove any of Richie’s clothes, justshut the door behind them. Richie kissed Mike deeply as he began loosening Mike’stie and unbuttoning his shirt. Mike gripped Richie’s shirt in his hands, butsomehow he knew that he wasn’t supposed to take it off. Eddie came up behindhim then, kissing his neck again as he slid his hands around Mike’s waist anddipped them down, undoing his belt, then his button and zipper. Mike moaned asRichie and Eddie undressed him, feeling both vulnerable and safe in theirhands. Richie pulled away from the kiss, and the two switched then, Eddiesliding Mike’s shirt off his shoulders while Richie took his pants, boxers, andsocks off. Mike curled in on himself, left only in his loose tie. Eddie walkedaround and stood next to Richie, and the two leaned into one another as theytook Mike in with their eyes.

“Beautiful,” Richie breathed inawe. Mike blushed and looked away.

Eddie hummed in agreement. “Do youthink we should leave the tie on?” Eddie asked conspiratorially. Richie grinnedand stepped forward to tighten the tie again.

“I think that’s a great idea. Whatdo you think, sweetheart?” he asked Mike. “You wanna keep it on?” Richie tuggedon it playfully, but even the small tug made his cock bounce up against hisstomach. He nodded. “God, Eds, look how hard he is already,” Richie marveled.Eddie wrapped his arms around Richie’s waist and rested his head on hisshoulder.

“I think he likes being on displayfor us,” Eddie smirked. The way they were talking about him like he wasn’tthere had Mike whimpering. They both met his eyes then, as if his whimperreminded them of his presence. Eddie gently pulled Mike’s arms away fromhimself as Richie cupped his cheek. “Tell us what you want, baby,” Eddieencouraged him.

“I want you,” he answered honestly.“I wanna do whatever you want me to.”

Richie and Eddie met eyes for abrief moment before Richie stepped back into Mike’s space, running his handover his chest and side as he leaned down to kiss at the shell of his ear.“Yeah? You want us to use you however we want?” Mike moaned and nodded he felta bead of precome run down his cock. Richie looked him in the eye and ran histhumb over his bottom lip. “Do you wanna get on your knees for us, baby? Doesthat sound okay?” Mike nodded eagerly and dropped to the floor.

“God, he’s so good,” Eddiecooed, stroking Mike’s hair with one hand and palming his cock with the other.Mike felt his eyelids go heavy as he watched both Eddie and Richie strokethemselves through their jeans.

“Bet he loves sucking cock, too,”Richie said. Mike whimpered as Richie dragged his own zipper down. Richiegrabbed his jaw. “Yeah? You wanna suck our cocks, baby?”

“Please,” Mike begged, his voicebreaking slightly.

“Well, when you ask so nicely,”Richie smirked, his tone joking and slightly lighter. It brought Mike back downa bit, grounded him - though it also made the situation even more surreal,reminded him that it was really Richie who was pulling out his dick for Mike tosuck, Richie Tozier. And Eddie Kaspbrak was doing the same. Mikelicked his lips, feeling an almost overwhelming amount of anticipation andlove. He moaned aloud at the sight of their cocks, both gorgeous and entirelytoo tempting in their own ways. He also loved the way they kept their clotheson while they had him naked on the floor for them. “Would you like to go first,my dear?” Richie offered to Eddie.

But Eddie shook his head and bitRichie’s shoulder. “Wanna watch you two first,” he smiled coyly, pressing slow,wet kisses to Richie’s freckles. Richie smiled and pressed a kiss to Eddie’shair.

“You ready, baby?” Richie asked Mikeas he ran his fingers through his hair.

“Please,” Mike noddedenthusiastically, desperately. “Wanna taste you so bad.” His cock twitched atthe way Richie’s eyes visibly darkened, his jaw clenching. He ran the head ofhis cock over Mike’s lips, and Mike opened his mouth eagerly.

“Good boy,” Richie praised as heslid his cock past Mike’s lips onto his tongue. Mike wrapped his lips aroundhim and moaned at the salty taste. He bobbed his head, letting himself adjustto Richie’s size as the latter rocked his hips slowly, shallowly, but steadilyinto Mike’s mouth. Mike kept his hands in his lap as he ran his tongue over theunderside of Richie’s cock.

“Look at him, keeping his hands tohimself,” Eddie said, pride, wonder, and condescension all mingling in his voice.Mike looked up to find Eddie’s eyes trained on Mike’s mouth as he stroked hiscock slowly. Mike mewled and clenched his fists.

“So good for us,” Richie murmuredin agreement. He slid his cock further and further into Mike’s mouth until hehad him gagging.

“Fuck,” Eddie breathed. He kissedRichie’s shoulder again. “My turn?”

Richie looked between Eddie andMike for a moment, then smirked and held Mike’s head down for a couple ofseconds before sliding out, a string of saliva running from Mike’s mouth to thehead of Richie’s cock. “Have at it,” he smiled. He stroked his now wet cock, asight (and sound) which almost distracted Mike from how excited he was to tasteEddie. Eddie gently guided Mike’s head up by his chin, and Mike eagerly, pliantlystuck his tongue out. Eddie ran the head of his cock over Mike’s tongue beforesliding most of his cock down Mike’s throat. Mike gagged, but he loved the burnin his throat, loved that Eddie wasn’t shy about making a mess of him. “Fuck,baby,” Richie murmured as Eddie grabbed Mike’s hair and began fucking hismouth. Richie cupped Mike’s cheek and wiped away his tears. “Look, his cock’sfucking dripping.” Mike blushed as Richie and Eddie both marveled at the sightof his aching cock, which, sure enough, had precome sliding down it. Richiegave Mike a wondrous smile. “Do you like choking on his cock, angel?” Mikenodded as best he could and preened under the attention when Richie stroked hishair. He watched Richie and Eddie share a knowing glance, and Eddie slipped hiscock out of Mike’s mouth. Mike whined at the loss, but Eddie pulled himcarefully into him so that Mike’s head rested against his hip. “Sweetheart?”Richie asked as he lightly stroked Mike’s cheek. Mike listened with hooded eyesbut rapt attention. “Do you want us to fuck you?”

Mike’s eyes widened, and he noddedso quickly his hair bounced around his head. “God, I want that so bad.” Richieand Eddie smiled down at him and both helped him to his feet, then over to hisbed. They laid him down, then each lay next to him, stroking his hair andkissing his cheeks and neck. Richie slipped off the bed then, and Eddie stayedwith Mike, soothingly running his fingers over his skin as they both watchedRichie completely undress. Then Richie was crawling back into bed beside Mike,and Eddie was slipping off to the other side, removing his own clothes. Richiewas running his fingers through Mike’s hair and kissing down his neck as Eddierummaged through his bag and returned to the bed with a bottle of lube.

Eddie kissed Mike’s forehead as hesettled in next to him. Looking to Richie, he asked, “Do you wanna get itstarted, or should I?”

“Wanna watch you open him up,”Richie answered, a dark smile on his face.

Eddie returned his smile and kissedMike’s lips slowly. “You ready, baby?” Mike nodded. “You know you can tell usto stop whenever you want, right?”

“I know,” Mike smiled softly, theanticipation in his chest easing a bit when Richie kissed his hair and Eddietook his hand in his and kissed his knuckles. He opened his legs so that Eddiecould fit between them.

“Fuck, baby,” Richie muttered,propping himself up on one of his elbows so that he could watch Eddie kiss downMike’s stomach and up the insides of his thighs. “You look so beautiful allspread out like this.” Mike turned his head and tried to hide his now blushingface in Richie’s arm, but Richie chuckled and gently guided his face up for akiss. “You’re so cute when you’re shy,” he murmured against Mike’s lips. Justas Mike was melting into Richie’s kiss, Eddie sucked on a particularlysensitive part of his thigh, making him gasp and buck his hips. Richie brokeaway from the kiss to admire the way Mike’s soft, pink lips fell open. He ranhis fingers through Eddie’s hair and said, “Stop teasing us, baby. I want yourfingers in his ass as much as he does.”

“Please,” Mike agreed in a smallplea.

“So impatient, both of you,” Eddiegrinned. He kissed each of them, then finally uncapped the lube. He poured agenerous amount over his fingers and spread it around for a torturously longtime before finally bringing his fingers to Mike’s hole. He rubbed his fingersagainst his entrance, getting it as wet as he could before gently pushing onefinger in. Mike let out a small whimper of pleasure. Eddie’s and Richie’s gazeswere practically burning his skin, so much that just half of one of Eddie’sfingers had his cock pulsing with need.

As Eddie slid his finger furtherin, then, out, then in again, over and over, Richie began to skirt hisfingertips over Mike’s chest. Richie pressed wet kisses to Mike’s neck and jaw,kisses which made Mike’s eyes flutter shut. He opened his eyes, however, whenhe felt Richie grazing his fingertips over his lips. Mike opened his mouth andmet Richie’s eye, an open invitation. Richie smiled and pressed a kiss toMike’s forehead. “Good boy,” he praised, his voice a low murmur as he slid twoof his fingers into Mike’s mouth. Mike happily wrapped his lips around them,not missing a beat as he got to work running his tongue over them, tastingRichie, getting his fingers nice and wet. His gaze shifted then from Richie’sto Eddie’s. Eddie’s cheeks and chest were both pink as his eyes flickered fromMike’s hole, wrapped around his own finger, to Mike’s mouth, wrapped obscenelyaround Richie’s fingers. Desire warmed Mike; not only desire, but the pleasureand pride of being so openly desired by the two people he wanted most.

Richie swiftly removed his fingersfrom Mike’s mouth and began circling one of his nipples with them, getting itwet and hard. Mike could feel Richie’s hard cock twitch against his hip whenMike let out a surprised moan. His hips rolled of their own volition, his cocktwitching with want. He felt Eddie pull his finger out, and the pout he sportedat the loss soon vanished as he felt two of Eddie’s fingers circling around hishole. He let out a slow groan as Eddie pushed two fingers in. His head fell tothe pillow, his eyes shut and lips hanging open as he adjusted to the newsensation. “You look so beautiful like this, baby,” Eddie marveled. “So niceand open for us, aren’t you?” Mike nodded and let out a small whimper. “God, Ican’t wait to see you stretched out on our cocks.”

“Fuck,” Mike moaned at the thought.He repeated the sentiment when Richie wrapped his lips around one of his nowvery sensitive nipples. He felt precome dripping onto his stomach as he watchedRichie’s tongue tease him. Mike writhed in pleasure, making Richie chuckle andtrail kisses up his neck.

“So sensitive, aren’t you, baby?”His voice was low in Mike’s ear, sending waves of pleasure to his cock. Thefact that Eddie was picking up his pace only made Mike moan more. Richiestroked Mike’s hair as he continued, “Love seeing you all riled up, angel. Lovewatching Eds get you nice and ready for our cocks.” Mike leaned up for a kiss,but Richie only pressed a soft peck to the corner of his lips, otherwisekeeping just out of reach, just close enough to drive Mike crazy. “You excitedto be stuffed full of cock, sweet pea?”

“Yes,” Mike answered eagerly, hisvoice breaking. “Please, want you both to fuck me so bad. Wanna make you bothfeel so good.” Richie hummed in satisfaction and finally brought his lips toMike’s. Mike kissed him hungrily, pulling him in by his hair.

“God, I can’t wait to be inside ofyou,” Richie murmured against Mike’s lips.

“He’s so tight, Rich,” Eddiepurred. “Do you wanna feel?”

“Fuck yes.” Richie gave Mike amischievous smile and a kiss to his lips before sliding down the bed, trailingkisses down his body as he went. Once Richie’s fingers were covered in lube, Eddieslid his finger out and watched, enraptured, as Richie replaced it with hisown. Mike gasped; Richie’s fingers were noticeably longer than Eddie’s. “Fuck,he is tight.” Richie’s mouth hung open, and his eyes were dark as they metMike’s. He said to Eddie, while looking in Mike’s eyes, “I think he can takeanother, though.” Eddie looked up to Mike as well, a silent question which Mikeanswered with a nod of his head. Richie and Eddie shared a smile that madeMike’s heart buzz warmly. Richie pulled out then and pushed back in with twofingers. Mike’s head fell back against the pillow, a moan of pleasure fallingfrom his lips. His legs almost unconsciously spread wider. “That’s it, baby,”Richie praised, making Mike’s cock throb desperately.

Eddie noticed as it bobbed inappreciation. He smiled and rested his head on Richie’s shoulder. “I think heliked that.” His voice was amused and somewhat condescending as he took Mike’scock in his hand. “Look at how hard he is for us. Such a good boy.” Mike whimperedand thrust his hips up, warm pleasure coursing through him as his eyesfluttered open to see Eddie smiling down at him and Richie’s eyes shamelessly drinkinghim in. Between Eddie stroking his cock and Richie finger fucking him, Mikebarely registered Eddie asking him, “Do you like being good for us?”

“Yes,” Mike moaned. Pleasure sparkedwhat felt like every nerve ending in his body. He curled his fingers into thesheets and let himself get lost in the way Richie’s fingers felt stretching himopen, pressing against his sensitive walls, the way Eddie’s fingers feltwrapped around his cock, spreading precome around the sensitive head. “Fuck,please fuck me.” His voice was a thin, desperate whine, and it had heat coursingthrough Eddie and Richie’s bodies. Both of their cocks were hard and leaking,they were both desperate to give their boy what he wanted. Sharing a look Eddietook his hand away from Mike’s cock and Richie slid his fingers out of himbefore grabbing his hips and swiftly flipping him over onto his stomach.

“Hands and knees, baby,” Richiemurmured as he pressed kisses down Mike’s spine. Mike did as he was told andshakily lifted himself up. Richie pressed his two fingers back inside of him,making Mike moan and rock his hips back.

“Please, please fuck me, I want yourcocks so bad,” Mike nearly cried.

“One more finger, okay baby?”Richie soothed. Then, turning to kiss Eddie, he said to him, “You wanna go fuckhis mouth? Give him what he wants?”

Eddie smiled and nodded beforekissing Richie again. “He has been good,” he smirked before crawling across thebed to kneel in front of Mike. He lifted his chin and gazed into his starry browneyes, tracing his lips with his thumb; they were plump and pink and soft, andEddie couldn’t wait to feel them wrapped around his cock. He told Mike as much,telling him in a gentle voice, “God, baby, your lips are so pretty. Gonna feelso good on my cock, aren’t they?”

“Please,” Mike nodded, his eyebrowsdrawing together and eyes pleading.

Eddie teased his cock along Mike’slips, covering them in his precome. Mike’s eyes were heavily hooded as theygazed longingly up at Eddie. “Open up, baby,” Eddie instructed. Mike opened hismouth as wide as it would go. As soon as Eddie slid his cock past Mike’s lips,Richie pressed a third slick finger into Mike’s hole, eliciting a muffled moan.Eddie grabbed Mike’s hair, gently tugging on it as he began to slowly rock hiships, gently fucking Mike’s face. Eddie’s cock hit the back of Mike’s throat atthe same moment that Richie’s fingers first brushed against his prostate. Mikelet out a noise that was halfway between a gag and a moan as pleasure pulseddeep inside of him. His eyes fluttered shut as he got lost in the pleasure, thewet sounds of Eddie’s cock fucking his mouth and Richie fingers fucking hislubed up ass had Mike’s cock dripping precome onto his sheets. He rockedhimself back and forth so that he was filled no matter which way he rocked.

“Yeah, that’s it sweetheart,” Richieencouraged behind him. He ran his hand over Mike’s ass in a way that had thelatter shivering pleasantly. Then, after a moment of consideration on Richie’spart, he slid his fingers out of Mike and asked, “Hey, baby?” while leaningover him and brushing his hair out of his face. Eddie gently slid his cock outof Mike’s mouth so he could answer Richie’s question. “How do you feel aboutass to mouth?” Mike scrunched up his nose and shook his head slightly. Richiegrinned and kissed the corner of his lips. “That is a-okay, angel face.” Helooked up at Eddie and asked, “Moment of truth then, though. You wanna get inon this?” He smirked as he gave Mike’s ass a playful slap, making him giggle.

Eddie smiled but shook his head. “Nah,I’m good staying here.” He stroked Mike’s hair, and the affection thatoverflowed from his gaze had Mike blushing down to his chest and nuzzling intoEddie’s hand.

“Guess your ass is all mine, then,”Richie murmured in Mike’s ear before nipping playfully at his earlobe. He satup on his knees behind Mike, and the sound of him opening the condom had Mike’sbody buzzing with anticipation.

“What do you say, baby? You thinkyou’re ready for my cock?” Mike moaned as he remembered how long Richie’s cock hadbeen.

Eddie loosened his grip on Mike’shair and suddenly pulled his hips back. “What do you say?”

“I’m ready,” Mike panted, his lipsslick and cheeks pink. He looked over his shoulder at Richie as he said, “Please,please fuck me. Want your cock so bad.”

Richie leaned over to give Mike aslow, messy kiss before pulling back. “Damn, Eds,” he smirked, “you taste good.”Then, brushing Mike’s hair back and gripping it slightly, “Doesn’t he tastegood, baby?”

“So good,” Mike nodded, smilingcoyly up at Eddie.

Richie poured lube into his handand spread it over his cock. “Then beg for his cock like a good boy.” Hecircled the head of his cock around Mike’s hole. “Beg for us both, baby.”

“Please,” Mike whimpered brokenly.Please fuck me, please, want you both to fill me up. Want your cocks so bad,want you to use me. Please fuck me, please, please, please.” Richie cocked aneyebrow at Eddie, who gave him a small smile in return. A litany of soft pleasdropped from Mike’s lips. Richie gripped Mike’s hips and lined his cock up withhis wet hole.

“Look at me, baby,” Eddie murmuredto Mike, and as soon as he did Richie began sliding his cock into Mike’s ass.Eddie shoved his cock down Mike’s throat when he gasped, cutting off his moan. Thestretch of Richie’s cock burned, but it felt amazing. Eddie held Mike’s headdown until Richie’s cock was all the way inside of him, finally pulling out andletting him breathe as he adjusted to having Richie so deep inside of him. Mike’sbreaths were deep and gasping. Richie rolled his hips, eliciting a long, highpitched moan from Mike, whose head fell forward to hang between his arms. “Youfull enough yet?” Eddie asked, tilting Mike’s chin up.

Mike shook his head. “Want you,too. Need you.” His eyes were wide as he stuck his tongue out expectantly. Eddiesmiled sweetly at Mike before gripping his hair tight and shoving his cock allthe way down his throat again. However, instead of keeping him there, this timeEddie held Mike’s head still and fucked his mouth, his cock sliding smoothlybetween Mike’s slick lips.

Mike felt Richie run his hand uphis back. He played with the curls at the nape of his neck for a moment beforereaching down to grab his tie. It slid easily around his neck so that it wasbackwards. Richie wrapped his around his hand again and tugged lightly, pullingMike’s head back. Mike moaned at the sensation around his throat, his cocktwitching desperately. “Fuck,” Richie groaned from behind him, slowly pullinghis hips back. It hurt a bit, but mostly it just felt amazing. Mike wriggledhis hips a bit to encourage Richie to keep going. “You look so fucking gorgeouslike this, angel.” Richie’s voice sounded awed, and it had somehow dropped evenlower. Mike let out small noises of pleasure as Richie continued to rock hiships slowly, shallowly, making sure Mike was really stretched. “Like you weremeant to take cock.” He pulled back further then and slammed his cock back in.The force pushed Mike further onto Eddie’s cock, making him gag. He whimperedwhen Eddie pulled back.

“Wanna hear the sounds you makewhen you get fucked,” Eddie explained, stroking his cock. He released his gripon Mike’s hair. Mike’s realized then that his arms were shaking, and that nowthe only thing keeping him up was Richie’s hold on his tie. It choked him justslightly, just enough to have precome running down his cock. Mike let out anothersoft moan as Richie fucked him - but apparently it wasn’t enough. “Aw, come on,baby,” Eddie cooed as he stroked Mike’s cheek. “You can be louder than that.”And then Richie was really fucking him, his fingers really digging into thesoft flesh of Mike’s hips as he picked up his pace and slammed his cock in andout of Mike’s hole, hard. It punched a series of surprised moans out of Mike’schest, moans that had Eddie’s pupils dilating as he stroked himself. “That’sit,” he encouraged. “Keep fucking him like that, Rich. Keep him making thosepretty little sounds.” Mike dropped his head, but he could still feel theintensity of Eddie’s gaze despite the fact that he could no longer see it.

Richie smirked at Eddie and slappedMike’s ass. Mike’s head popped up as he gasped out a surprised, breathy, “Yes.”

“Fuck,” Eddie groaned as he grabbedMike by the hair again and slid his cock into his mouth. Mike moaned as hehollowed his cheeks, sucking on Eddie’s cock eagerly as Richie fucked him. “Doyou want him to do that again, baby?” Eddie asked Mike. Mike nodded. Richie smirkedand spanked Mike’s other cheek, making him moan again.

“My god, you’ve got a beautifulass,” Richie grinned before bending over to press kisses over Mike’s back. Mikemoaned at the new angle. “So fucking tight, baby. Feels so good around my cock.”Mike clenched around him, his cock leaking at the sensation. “Does my cock feelgood, sweetheart?” Richie thrust hard into him. “Does it keep you nice andfull? Get you nice and hard?” Mike moaned and nodded again, his fingersgripping the sheets below him. Richie suddenly straightened up then and tuggedhard on the tie as he slammed his cock into Mike, right along his prostate.Eddie slid out of Mike’s mouth just in time for his pleasured scream to ringthroughout the room.

“Fuck, baby, look how messy youare,” Eddie nearly whispered as he swiped his thumb along Mike’s lower lip. Hisown spit and Eddie’s precome dribbled down his chin, his cheeks were brightpink, and his eyes were practically rolled back into his head as Richie fuckedhim. “Do you wanna swallow my come, baby?” Eddie asked as he stroked himself. “Ordo you want it all over your face?”

“Wanna taste you,” Mike slurred,his words broken up with every thrust of Richie’s hips. “Please, please comedown my throat. Want you both to fill me up.” His cock twitched desperatelywhen he heard Richie moan behind him.

“Anything you want.” Eddie smiledsoftly, and this time he was gentler as he slid his cock past Mike’s lips. Thepace he set was a bit slower than before, which let Mike savor it even more. Hehappily hollowed his cheeks and ran his tongue over Eddie’s soft skin. Just ashe was melting into a warm bliss, Richie’s cock brushed against his prostateagain, and the pleasure that shot through him then was electrifying. NoticingMike’s reactions, Richie made sure to keep that angle steady, not giving Mike abreather. His cock was so hard it hurt, but he thought he might collapse if hetried to touch himself, his arms already trembling. So his hips stutteredforward futilely, the lack of friction making him moan.

“Do you want me to touch your cockfor you, baby?” Richie asked. Mike nodded and let out a strangled plea aroundEddie’s cock. “I will, sweetheart, I promise. But you gotta make Eds comefirst, okay?” Mike moaned and nodded again.

“I’m close, baby,” Eddie told him,petting his hair back as his eyebrows drew together. His eyes were dark and hismouth was dropped open, a sight Mike never wanted to forget. He moaned as hesucked on the head of Eddie’s cock. He could feel Eddie’s little thrustsbecoming less even, and he knew he was close. He reached up with one hand tocup Eddie’s balls, Richie’s hold on the tie holding him up by his throat again.Eddie’s eyes widened as he gasped. “Fuck, fuck, I’m coming.” His moans were breathyand broken as he came in Mike’s mouth, his body stilling as he filled him up.Mike hummed contentedly and let his eyes close for a moment. Once Eddie pulledhis cock out of his mouth, Mike swallowed his come and stuck his tongue out toshow Eddie that he’d swallowed all of it. “Fuck,” Eddie panted as he sat downagainst the pillows and headboard. “That was amazing, baby.” He gave Mike asoft smile and leaned in to kiss him, the caress of his lips on Mike’s soft andlingering.

“Such a good boy,” Richie praised.Mike pouted in confusion as he slowly pulled out, but he didn’t have time toquestion it before Richie was flipping him over onto his back.

As much as Mike had loved beingspit roasted, this new position was amazing; Eddie rested Mike’s head in hislap and began to play with his hair, and now Mike could see just how fucked outRichie was, his curls a mess around his head, his blue irises nearly eclipsedby his pupils, his lips red and spit slick, like he’d been licking and bitingthem the whole time. Just the mere look he was giving Mike was enough to makeMike’s cock leak precome onto his stomach. Mike moaned and let out a small, “Please,”when Richie grabbed his legs and spread them open.

“Gonna take such good care of you,angel,” Richie murmured as he pressed his cock back into Mike. Mike moanedagain, his head falling back further into Eddie’s lap the deeper Richie fuckedhim. He picked up his pace again, this time wrapping his fingers around Mike’scock.

“God, yes!” Mike shouted, grippingonto the sheets beneath him. His pleasure grew and grew with every thrust ofRichie’s hips, every flick of his wrist. “Yes, fuck, oh my god, feels so good.”He babbled some more moans, mostly just yesand fuck, his mind too hazed overwith pleasure to think of much more to say. Richie and Eddie shared a smile.

“Doesn’t he look pretty when he’sfalling apart?” Richie panted.

“He sound pretty, too,” Eddiegrinned, still stroking Mike’s hair.

“So good for us,” Richie marveled.His thrusts picked up speed as he chased his orgasm. “God, baby, I’m so close.You gonna come for me, sweet pea? Gonna come with me?”

“Please,” Mike nodded, his voice smalland weak, desperate. He could feel a familiar heat building in his lowerabdomen, his cock throbbing desperately as he got closer and closer to theedge.

“Come on, baby,” Richie encouraged,“come for me.”

Mike came with a shout, paintinghimself in his own come. He felt Richie’s hips still, felt his fingers holdingonto him tight, felt his cock twitch inside of him. Richie’s moans fell overhim, making his own orgasm even better. They both caught their breath as theycame down together. Eddie leaned up to kiss Richie’s lips, then bent down tokiss Mike’s forehead. “You are both so beautiful,” he said with a wondroussmile.

“Fuck, you two are perfect,” Richiegrinned, giving them each a kiss before slowly, gently pulling out of Mike. Hetied off the condom and threw it away before cuddling up next to Mike. Eddiescooted down the bed so he was pressed up against Mike’s other side.

“Thank you both for this,” Mikesmiled as they held him, is voice small and sleepy. “This was amazing.”

“I agree,” Eddie hummed as hepressed slow kisses to Mike’s collar bone.

“Yeah, we should do this more often,”Richie beamed, his own eyes falling shut as he kissed Mike’s hair. Mike soondrifted off, a smile on his face, sandwiched between his two favorite people.

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Jurassic World Fallen Kingdom Review

I thought Jurassic World Fallen Kingdom was very good, even if it didn't live up to the original Jurassic Park. Of course, JP is my favorite movie ever, so I've long since given up on expecting a movie in this franchise to top it. That said, despite lacking some gravitas and wonder (though I think the lack of both is on purpose), I enjoyed Fallen Kingdom a lot!

Full spoilers…

J.A. Bayona's direction was masterful, creating beautiful imagery through the use of shadows and light. I loved the look of this movie all around and dinosaur reveals in particular were outstanding: whether illuminated by lightning strikes, dripping lava, or fiery smoke, the cinematography made them into majestic animals with an air of fantasy to them; fitting since they don’t belong in the world anymore. The way many of the dinosaurs were shot was gorgeous and the mix of CGI and puppetry was seamless. Moving the action to a remote manor complete with its own mad science labs as well as shots of the Indoraptor in front of the full moon achieved a classic, iconic Universal Monsters feel I absolutely loved! The mix of bright color and deep, truly dark black was a great change from modern blockbusters' reliance on washed-out looks and helped to build the tension perfectly when combined with Bayona’s filming style. Filmmaking choices like the (seemingly?) one-take sinking of a GeoSphere vehicle also brought a thrilling and breathless sensibility to the action sequences. The T-Rex blood extraction scene was another great sequence that achieved a perfect balance of tension and comedy. When Bayona incorporated physical comedy into the action scenes, like a tranquilized Owen (Chris Pratt) trying to evade lava or Blue knowing to dive out of a room about to explode, it added to the fun, classic adventure vibe of the movie rather than wrecking the tone. The movie is self-aware enough to play a scene with Blue as an action hero yet still takes the proceedings seriously enough to create a real sense of danger, and Bayona walked that extremely tough line very well. He also managed to pull genuine emotion out of the dinosaurs’ plight as Isla Nublar succumbed to the previously dormant volcano at its center. I didn’t want to watch so many dinosaurs die and it was heartbreaking to see them drowning, but nothing prepared me for the lonely death of a brachiosaurus on a dock. Watching the animal, obscured by smoke and unable to get to the boats that narrowly escaped the island even as lava crept up behind her, was without a doubt the saddest moment in the entire franchise. I didn’t walk into the movie expecting to feel so strongly about a random dinosaur, but Bayona absolutely nailed that scene and it left a definite impact.

I really liked what the movie did with Owen and Blue’s relationship. It was cool to see their earliest moments together via video of their first training session and I liked that their bond was strong enough to bring Owen back to Isla Nublar despite what he'd been through and the imminent volcanic eruption at the island's core. Their relationship was very well-explored here and even though it ended tragically because of a double cross—Blue came to associate Owen with getting shot and put in a cage—I’m glad to have seen this phase of their relationship and I'm excited to see where it goes next. It’s a little weird that Blue has taken the raptors from the scariest villains of the franchise into half of the films’ most iconic and heroic dino duo (the other half being Rexy), but it’s a testament to the writers of this film and Jurassic World, Pratt, and Blue’s puppeteers that it totally works and I completely buy that the bond between Blue and Owen overcomes Blue’s instinct to eat people. It was also nice to see Owen’s familiarity with the other dinosaurs come in handy when he tricked one of them into helping him and Claire (Bryce Dallas Howard) escape from their own cage. Owen’s general demeanor throughout the movie was very entertaining and I’m interested to see how living in a world overrun by dinosaurs changes him. He can’t just run off to his remote cabin now; he actually has to deal with these animals out in the world.

I like Claire, but I wish she'd gotten more to do in this movie. She does spearhead the Dino rescue mission and convinces Owen to come back, but outside of providing the inspirational drive of the movie, she doesn't get to be very active. This worked in Jurassic World, where her arc took her from relying on (and obsessing over) control to embracing chaos by opening the T-Rex cage and allowing life to finally find a way, but here her relative inaction left me wanting more. I am glad she didn't stay down after her leg was injured in the climax and that she at least tried to take down the Indoraptor, but she didn���t feel like she had as much of an arc here. I think it’s interesting that her big moment in this film was a reversal of her choice in JW: she doesn’t open the door this time and is willing to let the dinos die to keep them from getting loose. She's apparently OK with life being free as long as it's free elsewhere (humans come first), and I hope this sticks with her as we go into the third film. Hopefully it'll bring about a more active Claire, whether she’s trying to make up for her choice by peacefully rounding up the dinos or something completely different. I liked that the movie’s villains tried to paint Claire and Owen as complicit in exploiting and domesticating the animals via Jurassic World as theme park attractions, but I wish our heroes had given at least some thought to how right they might’ve been. That was a good counter-argument to her seemingly totally altruistic turn towards conservatism and I wanted to see her deal with it. I feel like the writers, Howard, and Pratt crafted a perfectly contentious-yet-caring relationship between Owen and Claire that makes total sense as to why they’re not together anymore and provides fun beats like him saying it would be her fault if he died on Isla Nublar, yet never feels like they hate each other or are out to hurt one another. It also falls into the franchise’s history of relatively chaste romantic entanglements. I don’t know that I need them to end up together; I wouldn’t mind if they do, but wouldn’t be disappointed if they didn’t. That might seem like I’m not engaged in their connection, but the fact is I can see it going either way and am up for either.

Claire’s assistants, Franklin Webb (Justice Smith) and Zia Rodriguez (Danielle Pineda) were really likable and I hope they return in the next film. Even though they kinda disappear for segments of the movie's third act, it's easy to imagine they were having their own adventures and didn't just cease to exist until the script called for them to appear again. Webb especially seems like he had a hilarious series of misadventures undercover in various roles on the villains' ship and later in the lab. I loved how in over his head he was and Webb freaking out at everything never got old to me. I liked that Zia was always cool under pressure, though I do think they could've made a bigger deal out of her being a paleo-veterinarian who had never seen a living dinosaur before. Yes, Dinos have existed in this world for 25 years so there are probably extensive resources for her to study, but anything she's learned would still have to be theoretical or second-hand to her and they could've used that to increase the stakes and tension if things didn't go as smoothly on the operating table as she hoped. It also could've been dealt with as simply as her saying treating a living dinosaur was different than she'd imagined. This was a minor thing to me though and didn't hurt my enjoyment of the film or her character. I liked that they gave her a good moment of wonder when she finally did get to see a dinosaur for the first time; fittingly, the only character to express pure wonder over these animals at this point is the one whose job involves healing them. I'd like to see how she grows into an expert in her field with the world the movie ushers in.

I was sure the Maisie (Isabella Sermon) secret was that she was Ellie Satler, Sarah Harding, or maybe even Mrs. Kirby's daughter, all of which seemed like ridiculous and unnecessary callbacks to the franchise's previous entries. So, I was very glad she turned out to be what she was instead; that was a very cool twist that felt like a natural growth of this world’s science. I wonder if she has some dino DNA in her, given her somewhat enhanced speed and strength, good balance, and the very cool shot of the Indoraptor's face reflected over hers in a pane of glass. And she sees the dinos as being more like herself than the people in the world… Either way, letting the dinos free because they were like her was a good moment. I hope that if she does have Dino DNA in her, though, that this is the extent of what we get and not the militarized dinosaur soldiers that have been rumored over the years and pitched in JW. The franchise tie-in they did give Maisie—that she's related to John Hammond's silent ex-partner—worked very well. James Cromwell felt like a natural choice for someone who would've been a contemporary and associate of Hammond's and I liked what their falling out entailed. However, I thought Maisie’s nanny Iris (Geraldine Chaplin) insisting that she speak with an English accent was a bizarre choice. I wonder if it’s meant to be a subtle example of people trying to impose their will on nature, but if that’s the case, I would’ve liked a moment of Maisie choosing to defy that and speak with her natural accent. Regardless, I’m interested to see what role she has in the new world this movie leaves us with.

The Indoraptor was a cool, creepy monster. They upped the ante of smart Dinos nicely in that hybrid, with creepy moments like the Indoraptor smiling and playing with its prey. I also enjoyed the appearances of the mosasaurus and the new tradition of Rexy smashing the skeleton of the previous movie's "villain" dinosaur. I’ve seen it suggested online that the opening sequence of stealing the I-Rex bone is pointless because Rexy destroys it before Wu (BD Wong) can use it, but I don’t think that a subplot having an end—even if it’s not what the characters intended—is pointless. I also don’t have a problem with Wu needing the sample even though he created the I-Rex, another complaint I've seen online. He obviously left Jurassic World in a hurry, so it’s reasonable to assume he didn’t get to grab everything he needed and that he needed the finished I-Rex product, not just his notes on it.

Humanity's willingness to screw with, try to control, and make a profit off of nature has always been the real enemy in these films so it doesn't hurt the movie for me that (Wu aside) the human antagonists are fairly thinly drawn (though the actors played their parts well and the characters served their purposes). I did appreciate that Ted Levine’s Ken Wheatley had such character to him, even if he was an absolute idiot. What a big man, stealing teeth from animals that had already been caged! I was glad to see him go, but then we are supposed to be. The rest of the villains were a means to an end, caught up in distortions of nature brought on by other foolish men and/or their own greed and couldn't help but be destroyed by them. I think that's perfect, because the franchise is playing into exactly what Ian Malcolm (Jeff Goldblum) said Jurassic Park's original creators were trying to do: break barriers in science by standing on the shoulders of other geniuses without consideration for the cost or respect for the power they had, just to patent it, package it, and sell it. Much like Jurassic World played with the idea that dinosaurs are passé nowadays and they’d have to be genetically toyed with to continue being entertaining (like reigniting an old, classic franchise), Fallen Kingdom takes the wonder out of these animals and becomes a monster movie where the dinosaurs are literally auctioned off. The people controlling dinosaurs' fate have lost the wonder and respect for the forces they're manipulating and only see them as profit generators, never once considering whether they should see the dinosaurs as more. The sequel trilogy's story has become an exploration of the effects of the loss of wonder and respect for both the animals and the science that brought them back. Now that we've seen humans completely lose control, we're about to see humanity face the full force of nature snapping back and I can’t wait! Dinosaurs don’t respect, fear, or have any reverent wonder for humans either… Perhaps the final chapter will see the surviving humans finally relearn that respect and reverence for nature; hopefully they’ll do it before we go extinct (or maybe Satler was right all along and women will inherit the Earth after the dinosaurs eat all these foolish, greedy men).

I loved the debate over saving or letting the dinos die on Isla Nublar and it makes total sense Malcolm came down on the side that he has since the first film: the dinos shouldn’t be here and if nature is going to take them out again so be it. I wish we’d seen more of Malcolm, but this was a great use of his character. I’d love it if the next movie brought back not just Goldblum in an expanded role, but reunited several of the previous characters now that the world is completely different. Alan Grant, Ellie Satler, and Sarah Harding are all specialists that could find new lives in a Jurassic World. Maybe the resourceful kids we’ve seen over the course of the franchise—Lex, Tim, Kelly, and Eric—have grown up to become dinosaur experts themselves. Lex and Tim could become the true heirs of Hammond’s legacy; I liked that this film remembered that Hammond developed into a conservationist in The Lost World after the first Jurassic World only focused on his earlier “spared no expense” philosophy, and Lex & Tim could be instrumental in embodying that development. Of course there’s one character who’s persisted since the first film—Dr. Wu—and I can’t wait to see where the end of this trilogy takes him. He works for me as a modern mad scientist and if he does just want to see what he can do (while blaming his employers when things go wrong) that’s fine by me, but I wouldn’t be opposed to learning more of his story (as I’ve seen others requesting online). Whatever they do with Wu, I don’t think he should get eaten by a dinosaur, at least not until he’s had a final confrontation with Ian. They butted heads in the first film and it would be especially fitting if out of all the characters, Malcolm was the one to face him down again. Seeing the two of them face off one last time would be a very cool culmination of the saga and close to the franchise (or at least this chapter of it).

I like that the Jurassic franchise is old-fashioned in that it hasn’t tried to build an expansive universe that’s building to some enormous and unwieldy climax, but has hit on the same themes of family, scientific and environmental responsibility, nature vs. science, and chaos vs. control in different scenarios. It’s true that there have been some repeated themes—a park with dinosaurs, a fight to save the dinosaurs, a horror show trying to survive the dinosaurs—but I have liked all the movies to varying degrees and this was no exception. I thought the callbacks to earlier films were well-placed without feeling repetitive or overdone. While the first World captured nostalgia for the first film via the idea of the theme park and this one did feel similar to The Lost World, I greatly preferred this one's mainland events to the previous film's. I never disliked the T-Rex getting loose in San Diego and still think it's a fun sequence, but the turn towards horror in this film is better IMO. Additionally, the ending is very promising. With the dinosaurs finally free and roaming the world, it seems like the franchise is headed in a truly original and fresh direction that I’m very excited to see! How humanity interacts with these animals is a fascinating prospect and I’m thrilled to see the movies going there. I’m really excited to see the world this movie has set up! Even if this generation of free dinos is captured or naturally dies out, the science is finally out there and there will be no stopping the various shadowy organizations from producing further dinos…or doing something totally original. Plus, they can always go to Isla Sorna and pick up the Site B dinos if they need to bring more adults onto the mainland; that island was mentioned here, but it seemed unclear as to whether Nublar’s volcano was going to destroy both islands or not. Either way, seeing dinosaurs interacting with modern civilization wasn’t anything new (even just in terms of this franchise), but it still left me anticipating the possibilities of what the world will look like when we revisit it in Jurassic World 3 (they totally could’ve included the post-credit scene in the ending montage, though; why save it?). The idea of using dinosaurs for the military is kinda silly in this day and age IMO, so I’m glad we still haven’t seen it happen and I hope we don’t. Dinos implemented by private loons and organizations for defense might be something worth touching on, but even these animals seem so low-tech compared to modern warfare that it has never seemed worth the trouble. I'd much rather see dinosaurs presented as an invasive species no one can contain.

Fallen Kingdom is a thrilling, fun monster movie that sends this franchise into completely new territory by the end! I think it’s an improvement on Jurassic World and definitely worth seeing. It’ll be on home video in a couple of weeks and I've already pre-ordered it. Check it out!

Check out more of my reviews, opinions, and original short stories here!

[musings-on-bucky-barnes]

Steve Rogers: Grim versus Grin

A friend wrote the following to me:

****I watched the first half (or so) of the first Fantastic Four movie a while back, and was surprised to discover that I like Johnny Storm a whole lot better than Steve Rogers. Honestly, Rogers seems so damned grim all the time! Doesn't he ever lighten up?****

I think my friend was being tongue-in-cheek about Steve, but let’s have a look at it. For this post, I’ll focus on Steve’s demeanor and examine the contrast with Johnny Storm another time.

Steven Grant Rogers starts out tiny, frail and ineligible to serve in WW II. He has lived through the Depression, is an orphan, and poor. He becomes a super soldier but as soon as he does, the kindly scientist who invented the serum is killed and Steve has to pursue the murderer. Steve finally does get to put his talents to good use in the field. After a while of kicking HYDRA ass, his best friend dies (or so he thinks) in front of his eyes, despite Steve’s efforts to save him. Steve feels guilty and vows to crush HYDRA.

When he finally gets the promise of a date with the woman he loves, he ends up having to put a plane down in the Arctic to save the day and defeat HYDRA, and ends up lost and frozen. He wakes up to find that OVER 70 YEARS have passed and that most of the people he knew are dead. He’s in what is basically a different world. Peggy is still alive; but she has dementia.

After only a few weeks of trying to adapt, he gets called in with a mission.

As @onyourleftbooob put it:

“Steve is kinda serious in The Avengers, but most of it makes sense for someone who just woke up from a 70 year nap and find out that fucking aliens are gonna try to destroy Earth”

After helping to defeat the alien invasion, Steve continues to try to find his place in this new world. He admits that he doesn’t know what makes him happy. A lot of people keep seeing him as Captain America, not as Steve Rogers. He’s not sure if he wants to remain with SHIELD but doesn’t know what he’d do with himself otherwise. HYDRA is still around and has grown inside SHIELD.

Also, he discovers that his best friend is still alive and has been brainwashed and tortured by HYDRA for over 70 years, and has been forced to work for them as an assassin.

As @portraitoftheoddity says:

“The fact Steve isn't sobbing in the fetal position in a closet all the time is pretty goddamn amazing. Steve is also just fundamentally a person who takes things seriously, largely because he's lived through Some Serious Shit.”

Despite Steve being the hero, his movies have bittersweet endings. And along the way he has probably also developed depression and PTSD.

And these are just the first three movies that he’s in. Even just sticking to those three movies, there’s even more I could have added to the “Steve Rogers’ Very Bad Day” list.

So, with all that going on, it would be understandable if he felt and acted grim.

HOWEVER, I think Steve has something to say about that…

“Excuse us.” “Son, just don’t.” “Let’s see.”

Here’s the thing about Steve: he actually does manage to maintain a great, dry sense of humour, despite everything he’s been through. I love that about him. He’s sassy and wry. He can be a little shit.

Natasha: “Did you do anything fun Saturday night?” Steve: “Well, all the guys from my barbershop quartet are dead, so, no, not really. “

Steve is not as showily verbal a character as Johnny Storm or Tony Stark, so he tends to get overlooked or dismissed. But he still has great lines and character.

Natasha: “No rifling. Bye-bye, bikinis.” Steve: “Yeah, I bet you look terrible in them now.”

In the times that he is grimmer, he either has good reason or he’s likely to be in a Joss Weldon script, or both combined, depending on your take on things. (I originally saw ‘The Avengers’ first, then watched his origin story afterwards.) But there are exchanges like this:

Natasha: “These guys come from legend. They're basically gods.” Steve: “There's only one God, ma'am, and I'm pretty sure he doesn't dress like that.”

There are debates about whether JW had a good handle on Steve’s characterization. In ‘The Avengers’, Steve was only a few weeks out of the ice, still disoriented, and thrust into a ‘save the world’ situation with people he didn’t know. In “Age of Ultron”, when Steve says, “Language,” there is mixed opinion about whether Steve just said it as a joke, or if it was out of character, as Steve’s childhood and WW II background would have meant that he was used to bad language. The US Army was BLEEPING full of it, for BLEEPS sake!

Steve: “Before we get started, does anyone want to get out?”

Rumlow: “I just want you to know, Cap, this isn’t personal.” Steve: “It kind of feels personal.”

And even in one of his first scenes in Captain America: The First Avenger, when he was saying goodbye to Bucky, who was heading off to serve in the war:

Bucky: “Don’t do anything stupid until I get back.” Steve: “How can I? You’re taking all the stupid with you.” “You’re a punk.” “Jerk.” They hug. Steve: “Be careful. <pause> Don’t win the war till I get there.”

Steve’s sense of humor may not be everyone’s preferred cup of tea, but he does have one.

I’ll explore the comparison between him and Johnny Storm at another time as this post is long enough as is.

Thanks to @onyourleftbooob and @portraitoftheoddity for their help and discussions.

[crowley-fe11]

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!

You both like Omegaverse, and Johnlock.

Stranger: Doesn’t it drive you mad? Living with him, John? GL (omegaSherlock)

You: A little. It keeps things interesting, at least. JW (alpha)

Stranger: I don’t mean his personality. I mean his smell. GL

Stranger: Hell I’m only a beta and I think he smells delicious. GL

Stranger: Makes his personality almost acceptable. GL

You: I had to learn to control my instincts when it comes to that. JW But I have to admit, he does smell wonderful. JW

Stranger: How? How do you control your instincts? Is it an army thing? GL

You: Army training, yeah. JW

Stranger: Huh. GL

Stranger: Interesting. GL

You: Though I do have a certain threshold. Sherlock's been the only one so far to test it since training. JW

Stranger: Have you ever talked to him? GL

You: About his scent? JW

Stranger: About... that stuff. GL

Stranger: Yeah. GL

Stranger: Does his brother try to find him matches? HL

You: I've never noticed anything. JW And it's never really come up either. JW

Stranger: Because you avoid it? GL

You: Well, I don't actively seek that topic. JW

Stranger: Did I ever tell you about the time Anderson tried to pick Sherlock up? GL

You: No, but god, how on earth did that play out? JW

Stranger: I’ve never seen someone be ripped apart so completely before. GL

Stranger: And Sherlock Just smiled sweetly with every sentence. GL

You: Jesus. JW

Stranger: “It will take an alpha with a bigger knot than your shrivelled bean to ever mount me” was one of the lines. GL

Stranger: I nearly wet myself with laughter. GL

Stranger: The rest was more mature but that one was particularly amazing. GL

You: Do you know if it was because it was Anderson? JW Or is he just not interested in having an alpha at all? JW

Stranger: He’s done a similar thing to nearly all the alphas I’ve seen him with. GL

Stranger: Well. Except you. GL

Stranger: Supposedly there was someone at university. But they never mated or anything. GL

Stranger: I don’t know much about him. gl

You: Hm. JW Do you think I should try asking him out then? JW

Stranger: You should before next month. GL

Stranger: There’s a pool on, at Scotland Yard. And I want the money. GL

You: People have been placing bets? JW

Stranger: About when you two get together? Yeah. GL

Stranger: Like I said you are the only alpha he hasn’t ripped apart. GL

Stranger: I’m not the only one that noticed. HL

You: Maybe I'll ask him out for a drink tonight then. JW

Stranger: Or something more. GL

You: Hey, I have until before next month for you to win. I want to do this properly. JW

Stranger: Properly? GL

Stranger: Aren’t you a gentleman? gl

You: Well I'm not going to just hook up with him. JW I like him. I'd want to see where it goes. JW

Stranger: Okay. Well. Good luck. GL

You: Thanks. I'll let you know how things go. JW

Stranger: (No reply)

You: [To Sherlock] Hey, you want to go for a pint tonight? JW

Stranger: A pint? SH

You: Yeah, or any drink you fancy. JW It's on me. JW

Stranger: I hate those awful pubs you go to. SH

Stranger: I choose tea. At home. SH

You: Alright, sure. Do you want me to pick up some takeaway on my way home? JW

Stranger: If you’re hungry. SH

Stranger: I have half a sandwich leftover from lunch. SH

You: Okay, just let me know if you change your mind. JW

Stranger: When do you get home? SH

You: Probably between 5:30-6:00. JW

Stranger: Ugh. SH

Stranger: But I’m bored /now/. SH

Stranger: And your tea is better. SH

You: It won't be too long. I promise. JW

Stranger: Hmm. Okay. SH

You: Anything you'd like to do when I get there? JW We could put on a film or something. JW

Stranger: Depends. Do you mean James Bond or a bee documentary? SH

Stranger: I suppose I could put up with James Bond... SH

You: You can pick. JW

Stranger: (Delayed) whats the occasion? SH

You: Just wanted to spend some time with you, that's all. JW

Stranger: Usually you play argue with me about the movie. SH

Stranger: Time with you sounds nice. SH

You: Well, I figure there's more time to just enjoy each other's company. JW What would you like to watch? JW

Stranger: (Delayed) Lets watch the second Jurassic Park movie. SH

Stranger: I’ve just realised the offer of a pint was meant to be abounding exercise. SH

Stranger: I apologise for shutting it down so abruptly. SH

Stranger: * a bonding

You: It's fine. If you prefer a night in, then we can do that. JW

Stranger: Will you play with my hair? SH

You: Would you like me to? JW

Stranger: I always like it when you do. SH

You: Then I'd be happy to. JW

Stranger: See you soon, John. SH

You: See you soon. JW

Stranger: (No reply)

Stranger: (If you sent something I didn’t get it?)

Stranger: (You there?)

You: (Yeah, sorry I got distracted! I'll send it in just a sec)

You: John soon got back to Baker Street, having picked up some takeaway for himself, enough to share if Sherlock was still hungry. He made his way up to the flat, Sherlock's sweet scent hanging in the air as it always did as he came inside. "Hey," he greeted softly as he put down the paper bag with his dinner and put the kettle on. "Have you been terribly bored since I last texted you?" He lightly teased as he got out mugs for them both.

Stranger: Sherlock was laid with his back on the couch staring at the ceiling. “And yes. I have been. Honestly this job of yours is incredibly selfish” he muttered his chin resting on his fingers. He closed his eyes and allowed himself a few deep sniffs of the alpha scent. The John scent. He smiled slightly before opening his eyes and propping himself up to look at John. “I need tea” he commanded. While John’s smell was distracting as hell, he just wanted it closer. And he wanted tea.

You: "You know, demanding it more isn't going to make the kettle boil faster," John chuckled as he looked over at the detective. It was so difficult to resist him at times, especially when he always smelled so tempting. Perhaps he might just let himself give in, though only if it was something Sherlock wanted as well. He was certain he'd be given hell otherwise.

Stranger: “No but it does get your attention which is always a bonus” he shrugged, still propped up to look at him. He was already in his dressing gown and loose pyjamas. He saw no reason to stay dressed. He would have gone for the sheet but John had made it quite clear that that wasn’t acceptable. The moody old grouch. He let his eyes gaze at the alpha, eyes lingering on the strong military shoulders, the stubble... the curves of his aging body. The strong and short stature...

You: John smiled and shook his head as he got everything else ready for their tea. Sherlock always seemed to have an air of mischief. Then again, that just added to his charm, and it's something else that made him fall for the younger man. After a few moments, their tea had steeped, and John brought Sherlock's, fixed to his liking, to the living room. He then brought over his dinner to get settled in, looking forward to his evening with the omega.

Stranger: Sherlock moved so John could join him on the sofa. He rested his shoulder on John’s gently. He’d done it before but only a few times. Times when he wanted to test. He has always been curious if John... Responded to him. He had tried pushing him. Seeing if he would snap. So far no joy. He pressed play on the dvd and kept his head there while John ate. He sipped his tea gradually, enjoying the warmth of the other man.

You: John rather enjoyed when Sherlock cuddled up to him, though he wasn't sure if it was simply because he wanted contact with an alpha he tolerated, or if it meant something more. "You know, I'm still happy to share if you want," he told the other softly as the opening credits played, looking over at him with a small smile.

Stranger: Sherlock considered it for a moment. Then he nodded. “Fine” he said, not moving an inch, just opening his mouth for John to feed him. He was rather too comfortable to move right this second. “Spring roll please. That’s all” he grinned before opening his mouth again. There was a playful glint in his eye.

You: John chuckled and grabbed on of his spring rolls. The lazy git. It's a good thing he's cute, John thought to himself as he brought the roll to Sherlock's mouth. Even if he didn't end up with Sherlock in any other way than friendship, he was still certain he'd be the death of him.

Stranger: Sherlock bit into the roll and chewed it happily. Then he took the last half slightly licking his fingers as he did so. “Yummy. Thank you” he grinned smugly. He liked getting the doctor to do things for him. Maybe it was because he was an alpha. Maybe because he was John. Then he settled back into his shoulder.

You: John couldn't help but watch Sherlock as he finished the roll and licked his fingers. Damn... He didn't know how he'd be able to get through the evening without giving in and snogging him senseless. "You're welcome," he answered, continuing to eat his dinner, setting it aside once he was full. Though this time, it was his turn to test boundaries. He wrapped his arm around Sherlock as he relaxed and enjoyed the film, figuring it might at least show the omega he would be open to something more intimate.

Stranger: Sherlock was surprised when he felt John’s arm slip to hold him in place. He liked it. He snuggled into his shoulder more firmly resting one hand on John’s chest. Had John noticed what his arm had done? Did it mean nothing? Did it mean everything? He was distracted from the film now. John’s scent was enveloping him. He just... he found himself overcome with a need he hadn’t felt in such a long time. A need to kneel... a need to be... well... an omega.

You: John felt a hand move to his chest, and he wondered if Sherlock could tell how fast his heart was beating, how close he was to pushing the limits of the friendship they've built together. He stroked his arm, feeling the soft silk of the other's dressing gown as the omega's scent made more of the alpha within him stir.

Stranger: Sherlock could practically feel John’s skin vibrating again his hand. He moved it up and down slowly like John was doing on his arm. He let out a small moan. It was so quiet. So quiet it would be easy to miss it. He looked up at John, his lips slightly parted and his mouth dry. “Alpha...” he whispered lowly.

You: John could have sworn he heard a moan from Sherlock, but he could have easily imagined it. But then he heard Sherlock's whisper. Alpha. He wanted him. Needed him. He turned to face him more and reached up to cup his jaw, stroking his cheek as he gazed at the other. Then, he slowly leaned in and closed the distance between them, giving the omega a sweet, tender kiss.

Stranger: Sherlock moaned so loudly when his lips touched his. He had kept this side of himself inside for so long. Keeping it in control. But now... he just wanted John. He moved and straddled one of John’s thighs, and brought their lips together again, this time more passionately, more heatedly.

You: John groaned in response against Sherlock's lips and moved his hand to stroke through the other's curls, kissing him more deeply, showing him all that he'd held back for so long. He let his other arm wrap around his waist as he kept him close, never wanting to let go.

Stranger: Sherlock rested their foreheads together. “You’re distracting me from the film, alpha” He whispered. He rubbed his nose against John’s slowly, back and forth. He shuffled closer to him, not wanting to stop feeling the heat of his body. He couldn’t believe anything could feel this good.

You: "You're just as guilty of distracting me as well," John breathed, smiling as he gently rubbed his nose back against Sherlock's, playing with his hair softly. He couldn't believe this was actually happening. He just kissed Sherlock Holmes...

Stranger has disconnected.

[trulisthetic]

Yeah no, I'd be okay w Jackson giving April nothing in return for her baring her heart, if that wasn't what he has been doing for a long long time now. His silence is so frickin annoying. April's done w it, and so am I. Also, he hates hurting her? Naw. He's been hurting her a long time. It's just more of the same. That means it's still only yt, if that. If these new whoevers wanna destroy the show w a ship no one likes, including JW and Plus, then they do it w/o me and others who are over it.

I totally get why you’re feeling this way. It’s hard for us fans to believe love is still there after all those ooc things the writers have had them do the past seasons. However, I try look at it from a different aspect. And personally, I didn’t think April seemed annoyed at all, nor did I think she should be.

All Japril have done from the very beginning is not talk about things, leading to all shorts of misunderstandings and mistakes that always end up ruining them in the end. All they’ve always done is pretend everything is fine between them when it’s clearly not, and instead of sitting down and having a freaking conversation they just avoid each other completely until the breaking point comes; the pregnancy-scare break up, the buss explosion, the wedding, the freaking divorce… you pick.

But now… See, April sat him down and purred her heart out to him exactly like you said and that, the way I see it, not only showed a hell of a lot growth and courage from her part, but also gave Jackson a chance do show the same things from his own. He didn’t speak, and by doing so, he did the one thing he has FINALLY learned to do. The only right thing at the time. He listened.

For once  he actually heard her, heard what she felt and had been feeling all there months, what she needed of him now. He let the realization that unbeknownst to him he had been hurting her sink in, he felt the full depth of the damage he had caused her, and he was deeply hurt himself by it as a result. Jesse did a great job portraying that in the scene, actually, so if you go watch it you can tell the hurt is evident in his every characteristic. He hates hurting her, because he loves her.

Nobody might know what kind of love that is at this point and if it still has a romantic side (I, for one, believe there always will be a romantic kind of love between those two) but he sure loves her. That’s a fact. April is his best friend and has been for ever, she is the mother of his child, his favorite person in the world, his person, and he has spent a lifetime with her, shared birthdays, holidays and all shorts of memories with her, and even if the aspect of romance between them is over (God forbid) he still loves her as a person and will keep doing so every minute of the rest of his life.

And yes, April has really been hurt the last seasons and so has he, and yes, you don’t hurt the people that you love. But with Japril it was the circumstances that truly hurt them rather than each other. They never, not once, meant to hurt each other. Never said hurtful words to one another, not ones that were meant to only cause pain. Actually no, Jackson did once when he told her that her God is not real and her belief is ridiculous, and the second the words left his mouth you can see how much he truly regretted them. The whole situation they have found themselves into this past seasons is extremely hurtful on its own, of course, and both of them getting hurt was inevitable. But if they could help it, if it was in their hands, both of them would have done everything in their power to keep themselves and each other from the pain, to seal them and protect them from it.

And finally now, after everything that has happened, April is hurt again and the view, the knowledge, it kills Jackson. Only this time it’s in his hands to stop the pain. This time he can protect her. He can help her stop hurting, or at least he can try. And by not speaking, by not dismissing her but actually listening to what she has to say and understanding it, he gets his answer as to how to do it.

He simply has to let her go. Perhaps not “simply” because you can clearly tell how he despises the idea. He has the same look on his face that he did in 13x04 when she told him she wanted to move out again. The “I don’t want you to move out” look. But this time he doesn’t say the words, doesn’t ask her to stay because he loves her and he needs her and he wants her. Instead he puts his own needs aside and focuses on hers. And what she needs of him now is space. She needs some distance, to be away from him and think and get over everything that has happened. And until he makes his decision on how he will proceed with the Maggie situation as well as their own, he will not open his mouth. He will not say a word to her about it.

Because he’s done putting his needs over her own. He’s done hurting her. All he is interested in doing now is to listen to what she needs of him and give it to her, even if it means that he has to let her go,  and get hurt himself doing so.

And that is exactly what you for the people that you love. You don’t talk.

You listen.

[x-procrastinator-tee-blog]

Getting it right - the serene  climax to a beautiful fantasy.

  I was volunteering to take part in Sweden’s underwater ritual that was being held 200 meters from the coast of a silver sanded beach in Skane. The tradition was more of a rite of passage for adolesent boys to be turning into young men. I was to hold my breath underwater clenching a wooden cross against my chest, my back perfectly horizontal, touching the sea bed. As i reached my threshold, and was unable to hold on any longer, I let go of the cross and saw it rise rapidly above me. The water was so clear that I could see that it had reached the surface, and that was my cue to begin my ascension. It sort of felt like the ultimate act of faith in Christianity. In God i trust; an extreme baptism of sorts.   As soon as I began to rise through the crystal clear water I could feel the bed on my feet again, almost immediately. Didn’t I start to rise? Had an underwater current pushed me towards the shore? Because I had emerged from the surface and was walking towards the sands at this point. It all happened so quickly, while I was still struggling for air. Was it divine intervention? Like Abraham who was willing to sacrifice his Son if God wanted it so. I could see that it was a test. Under normal circumstances there was no way I could have reached the surface and swam towards shore. I wouldn’t have the energy to cover the 200 meters unless I was like Micheal Phelps. I should’ve drowned, no less.   I had made this trip a solo adventure, so I could only see myself in the DREAM. The ritual ended with all the participants getting to keep the crosses that they were submerged with, a memento to never forget what their faith meant. After bidding farewell, I walked into town. I passed by a few houses until the name plate on the door of the last house on the bend caught my eyes. I froze in my tracks. I mean it was winter time in Sweden but the cold didn’t bother me as much as the name “Get_Right” did. This was the house of Counter Strike’s legend, Christopher Alesund. I was stupefied by my luck. I’ve been a die hard fan of this man since 2008, since his time with SK in 1.6, back when he wore a grey tshirt and baggy jeans and gelled up hair and stretched out his hand to JW to say good game only to be denied a handshake because of an extremely “salty” opposition. GTR and Forest were just that good. They stuck together for 10 years while the remaining 3 members of NiP kept changing like the seasons. But then GTR announced his departure from NiP, and that changed everything for me towards my own experience with the game. Perhaps a part of my subconscious decided to make this trip in hopes of meeting Chris. I had to meet him at least once in my lifetime, and so I rang the bell.   I could see Chris’s hair had become a lighter shade of brown than I remembered, sparse as well, a symptom that I suffered from as well. The human condition of ageing. His head popped out through the gap between the door and the frame, the latch was still on. He looked at me and said, ”Yes? Can i help you?” I went down to my knees, clasped my hands together, tears rolled down my cheeks. I couldn’t believe it was him. He saw my act, unlatched the door, smiled and knelt before me in te exact same pose. Face to face with the legend himself. I embraced him and he invited me into his abode.   I sat at the table while he was in the kitchen preparing a warm beverage, probably a Swedish specialty, when his younger sister walked. A cute little girl with freckles and who wore plastic framed glasses. She was eating a bar of chocolate as she walked into the kitchen. She saw me and then looked at her brother, then smiled at me again and asked, “Are you a fan?” to which I replied, “Number 1″. She giggled.   The rest of what I saw was the three of us sitting at the table, sipping coco and laughing a lot at each other’s jokes. Chris asked me about my trip, and then later I got to ask him about his life’s direction. He told me about his plan to retire from the pro scene. I responded by telling him that i made a promise to myself that I would leave the day you did. “Well it certainly has come to that my friend, the younger talent out there is diificult to keep up with”. “Are you implying that you’re getting old for this?”, I asked. “My priorties have changed, and therefore my game has changed along with it I guess. I’m not the hero player that I used to be 10 years ago. I’m a grown man, that supports my family and I guess that perspective has trascended into my gameplay as well”. I had to respect that insight. I saw his role getting sidelined over the years within the team and not necessarily because of a bad performance. It’s the shifting mindset. When that happens, I realised (after talking to him that is) that it’s time to move on to better things. “FIne wine is fine because it keeps on fermenting, churning new ways, never stopping, each new twist adds a new essence of its flavor. That’s what being a legend is about. It’s not about being “Get_Right” or “tING”. It’s not about sustaining the title and playing to expectations. When you’re willing to let go of stabiltity (the titles) and playing it safe and instead, embrace the depths of the unknown, that’s when you feel alive”.   I looked at him with awe and even more respect than i began with that day when I stood outside his door. I shook his hand and thanked him for his hospitality and for making me come to terms with a game that I’ve had a relationship with for more than 15 years. I bid goodbye and walked towards a sun setting horizon. My mind was clear. I had no worries about this divorce. On towards better things in life, getting it right....finally.   

[simplyshelbs16xoxo]

‘Shenanigans’ Chapter 2: Plan A - Babysitting

John throws them together to babysit Rosie.

               Another week had passed when Sherlock began taking cases again. His parents were still staying with Mycroft while dealing with Eurus’s situation. They hadn’t gone to see her yet but the time was approaching. John noticed that his best friend had been avoiding Molly like the plague even going as far to not work on their current case until it was one of her off days. Boy, was Sherlock surprised when Molly was in the morgue.

               “M-Molly, what are you doing here? Aren’t you off today?” Sherlock asked, desperately trying to figure out what to do with his hands.

               “Switched shifts for a colleague,” she replied nonchalantly as she examined the murder victim on the slab. Molly paid no attention to Sherlock; not one bit. The tension was thick enough that John could cut it with a knife. He felt that maybe he should give them some space but when he tried to slip away, Sherlock caught his arm. His eyes pleaded for him to stay, so with an inward groan, John did what his best friend silently requested.

               “May I?” Sherlock asked, gesturing towards the body.

               “Sure, whatever,” Molly shrugged, still adamant about not looking at him. John watched with secondhand embarrassment as the two moved around each other awkwardly. He still felt he shouldn’t be there but kept himself rooted to the spot he stood in. Their fingers brushed suddenly, and though hers were gloved, Molly jumped back a bit when their eyes finally locked. The tension in the room shifted from angst-filled to a wistful sadness mixed in with a touch of romanticism. They looked at each other with such longing and then the moment passed when Sherlock finally turned away.

               Mycroft, it’s time to implement plan A. –JW

               Excellent. Prepare Rosamund.

               “Thanks again, Molly, I really appreciate it,” John told her.

               “Oh, it’s no trouble, John. I enjoy spending time with Rosie. You go out and have fun. You need it after everything that’s happened,” Molly smiled.

               “Alright, I’m here, where’s Rosamu—“ Sherlock faltered when he saw Molly holding their goddaughter.

               “Oh, look at the time, must go,” John spoke quickly before closing and locking the front door behind him. Not that it could stop Sherlock from walking right out, but he knew that he would stay.

               “I’ll just,” Sherlock said, motioning to the door.

               “No,” Molly spoke up. “I’m gonna use this to my advantage. You’re going to help out whether you want to or not.”

               “But you never have trouble babysitting alone,” Sherlock argued.

               “The point of this is not to help me, but to help you become a competent godfather,” Molly told him icily. Sherlock winced as she sounded a bit like himself when he insulted others for being stupid.

               “Well, if you’re only going to insult me, I should leave,” Sherlock huffed. There was a deeper sadness in his eyes and it didn’t go undetected by the pathologist.

               “Sherlock, hey,” Molly began in a softer tone, laying a gentle hand on his shoulder, “look I’m sorry for snapping at you. I’m sure you’re a good godfather to Rosie. I crossed a line. I know you care for her deeply.” He met her eyes solemnly.

               “You have no idea,” he replied. Unbeknownst to Molly, there was a double meaning behind his words. Obviously he deeply cared for his goddaughter, but he also felt the same about the woman holding her. His Molly. Except that she wasn’t his; not truly. “Rosamund needs changing.” It was the only thing he could say.

               “Well, you’re learning how to change a nappy tonight,” Molly informed him with a smirk. She decided to attempt to be on her best behaviour with Sherlock but only for Rosie. Their goddaughter didn’t need that kind of negative tension around her. It didn’t change the fact that Molly was still broken inside; broken but strong. She was resilient.

               Molly guided him as he changed Rosie’s nappy. He was surprisingly a natural at it. She allowed a soft giggle to escape her lips.

               “What?” Sherlock asked with confusion.

               “It’s just you changing her,” she laughed.

               “Molly, I hardly think any of this is a laughing matter. Besides, I did it right, see?” he gestured towards Rosie.

               “No, I know you did it right,” Molly replied. “It’s just that men usually don’t get it right the first time around and here you are, ever the expert.”

               “Don’t be surprised,” he remarked with his trademark arrogance. She rolled her eyes in annoyance. As she watched Sherlock lift Rosie into his arms, a warmth spread through her at the beautiful, genuine smile he gave their goddaughter. Rosie giggled as she grabbed onto his nose, causing him to make a face of playful annoyance at her. He attempted to hand her back to Molly but the little Watson was not having it. She fisted her tiny hands in his curls tightly.

               “Oh, no, Rosie here, let go of Uncle Sherlock’s hair,” Molly said, biting back a smile.

               “Just as stubborn as your mother,” Sherlock chuckled. Molly successfully got Rosie to release his hair and took her in her arms. “Molly, I—“

               “Don’t,” she warned. “Just don’t.” His heart ached, and though he was trying to keep her safe by keeping her at arm’s length, Sherlock felt his harsh words were the biggest mistake he had ever made.

               John sat with Mycroft in his office watching the somewhat successful plan unfold. He had given permission to Mycroft to bug his house only this once and they were both sighing with annoyance.

               “If only Miss Hooper would make things a bit easier,” Mycroft complained, a hand running down his face.

               “To be fair, what Sherlock said was not the way he should have told her,” John defended Molly. “I mean, how would you feel if you were on the receiving end of that phone call and afterward, that person told you that even if they meant those words, they’d still never pursue a relationship with you?”

               “Why would I care?” Mycroft asked.

               “Nevermind, forget I asked. I almost forgot who I was talking to,” John huffed. A moment of silence passed before he spoke up again. “It’d be different if he told her why he wouldn’t pursue it, but no, he had to go and cock it up.” Mycroft only sighed once more.

               When John arrived home, Sherlock and Molly were passed out on opposite ends of the sofa with Rosie asleep on the consulting detective’s chest. John had to admit that Sherlock was more cut out for domestic life than he had previously thought. If Rosie had dark curls instead of the blonde, it would make them look like a married couple with their baby. He took his phone out and snapped a photo before waking them up.

               “Long night?” John asked.

               “Oh, John. Get your offspring off of me,” Sherlock yawned.

               “Hmm?” Molly mumbled, her eyes fluttering open. “Oh, hey. Must’ve dozed off. Sorry.”

               “Ah, it’s fine. Wasn’t too much trouble for you?” John questioned.

               “No, she was an angel,” Molly replied.

               “I meant the consulting annoyance over there,” John smirked. Sherlock half-opened his mouth in offense.

               “Oh, he was…fine I guess,” Molly stated, her face completely devoid of emotion. Well, she did learn from the best on repressing them. “I best be going. Hope you had fun tonight.” And with that, she was gone, not even sparing Sherlock a glance.      

               “I’m an arse,” Sherlock sighed.

               “Yes, you are,” John agreed with a disappointed shake of his head.

fanfiction.net | ao3

[copiouscouples]

The Writers Need to Explain Themselves

Background on Why I’m Writing This Post: I frequently visit the Grey’s Anatomy subreddit. Recently, I found someone talking about the writer’s blog that Grey’s used to do. For those that are interested, you can find it here. Each week the main writer breaks down the episode and explains some of the choices made. Unfortunately, this blog ended in 2011.

They need to bring it back.

Yes, I’m upset about the potential of Jackson and Maggie, but what I’m more upset about is how we’re supposed to leap to that conclusion. The writers did a shoddy job this season. I’m literally trying to figure out why they made the choices they did and I just end up confusing myself. Honestly, I don’t feel like there was any real art or storytelling this season. I think everything was just on autopilot and the writers weren’t actually people but robots.

I think my disbelief with the Jackson and Maggie story line all boils down to 13x16. If the Montana episode had never happened, I could believe and accept that Jackson and Maggie may be developing feelings for each other (I wouldn’t like it, but it would be believable).

Sarah Drew at Paleyfest said 13x16 could lead to romance or them just being platonic. I disagree. It is not believable that after 13x16 that Jackson and April would just be platonic. That goes against who they are as characters and their past. They aren’t Mark and Callie. They can’t be indifferent to sex. And I hate that the writers are trying to sell us on that. April is still religious. She fought to keep her marriage. How is she suddenly all down the one night stands? No, I ain’t buying. After having sex with April, Jackson has not once but twice tried to hunt April down and discuss what it means (seasons 8 and 12). Yet, after 13x16, there’s nothing to talk about? No, I ain’t buying.

What happened in Montana meant something. You don’t go do something as life-changing as meeting up with your dad after 30 years with some random friend. You go with someone who has your back. You go with someone who loves you. You go with family. April ain’t his sister. She’s his woman. She understands him better than anyone else (which is hard to do because he’s so dang cryptic) and that’s not a friendship thing. It’s a significant other thing.

Can you imagine if that had been a Jackson and Maggie episode instead? It would have been so awkward. Maggie doesn’t know him well enough to be of help to him.

I think Shonda and Co made a huge mistake with 13x16 if they wanted to make Jackson and Maggie a real thing. 1) 13x16 highlighted how amazing JW and SD are together (and how great of a director Kevin McKidd is). Not only did the fans enjoy it, but it was well-received critically. I don’t remember anybody else from Grey’s getting to do a Q and A with SAG-AFTRA. 2) 13x16 was placed in the wrong spot. It should have been way earlier in the season or if they were deadset on having a Japril finale cliffhanger it should have been switched with the Nathan/Meredith episode. 3) Their biggest mistake of all in selling the Jackson/Maggie possible relationship? Not showing the aftermath of 13x16 or pretending there wasn’t any. Even the average Grey’s fan can’t buy the concept of Jackson/Maggie because the door is still so wide open for Jackson and April. It’s not believable. You can’t go from having that kind of experience with your ex-wife and baby mama to crushing on some rando at work mere weeks after. 

The writers were trying to have their cake and eat it too by trying to keep Japril fans watching but also simultaneously trying to get viewers hooked on to the idea of Jackson and Maggie as a couple. You can’t do that. One chapter must close before the next one can start. You can’t make an average viewer believe that Jackson and Maggie are a viable couple when there’s still the April of it all. It’s been shown in little ways (Jackson having a hard time with April dating) and big ways (them sleeping together) that they’re not over each other yet. They can say “we’re not married” or “you’re not my spouse” in as many versions and languages as they’d like but until there’s a conversation or action (April moving out) that ends it...they’re still in limbo. If the writers really want people to accept Jackson and Maggie, then they need to make Jackson and April an open and shut case. They need to have that conversation. They need to say that it’s over and then act like it.

Do I want them to be over? Never.  I’m just upset with this cock and bull, messy, illogical B.S. story line the writers have tried to sell us this year.

Do better y’all.

[wholockgal]

Flashback Fic: Fade Into You

Summary:

Everyone deals with tragedy in their own way. Some worse than others, especially when their loved ones are literally a (parallel) universe or two away. The angstiest thing I have ever written.

Chapter 1 / 4. Can be found on AO3 in its entirety.

Part 2 of the Swaddled ‘Verse, also on AO3.

Note: Last night, @asthewheelwills gave me all of the RoseLock nostalgia feels which led to me reading back through things that I wrote 1,000 years ago. The result of this? My posting this story here because it is the one thing that I’ve written that I am truly proud of (translation: it doesn’t make me cringe at all).

For those not already indoctrinated, RoseLock is a crossover pairing of Rose Tyler and (the BBC’s) Sherlock Holmes. Want some background? Check out this introduction post.

Chapter 1: Pain & Suffering

Sherlock rested his head against the taxi window as the car approached Baker Street, completely exhausted after yet another game of cat and mouse. This latest case had stretched on for far longer than he would like and no end was currently in sight.

As he stepped out of the car in front of the flat, he was vaguely aware of the sound of police sirens that were quickly disappearing around the corner. Fleetingly, he wondered if it was something he should pursue, but after the night he had all he really wanted was to kiss his wife and take some time to disappear into the wonderful oblivion that was listening to his daughter's slow, steady breathing as she slept.

Unfortunately, neither of these options was in the cards.

Opening the front door, Sherlock was met with the unmistakable sound of Jacqueline crying. Only she wasn't upstairs in her room, but instead appeared to be with Mrs. Hudson. Rushing to the landlady's rooms he all but snatched the sobbing toddler from the older woman's arms.

"What happened? Is she hurt?" he demanded, giving her a hurried once-over. Having satisfied himself that the child was fine, he kissed her head and held her close, hoping to calm her down a bit.

"Thank god you're home, Sherlock," Mrs. Hudson sighed, her hand over her heart and a look of deep sorrow on her face. "It's Rose..."

"Where is she?"

"You just missed them. Greg put her in the car to head to St. Bart's-"

The sirens. He knew that he should have followed them, and yet he came inside instead. "It's too soon," he breathed, his thoughts suddenly struggling to catch up with what was happening. Handing a marginally calmer Jacqueline back to Mrs. Hudson, he turned to run for the door. "I have to go."

"Of course," Mrs. Hudson agreed. "Just let me know what happens, and give Rose my-" she heard the door slam behind Sherlock. "Love." Sighing, she shifted the baby in her arms and headed for the stairs. "How about we get you back to bed, sweetheart? All will be well in the morning."

~~~~0~~~~0~~~~0~~~~

It took only a split second after Rose had doubled over in pain for Greg Lestrade to jump into action. One moment she was making tea in the kitchen as he waited in the sitting room for Sherlock to return, and the next he heard the sound of a mug shattering on the floor and a sharp yelp of pain. Without thinking, Lestrade gathered Rose up in his arms and hurried down the stairs, painfully aware of the sounds of a crying baby emanating from the opposite direction.

Rose was no stranger to pain, but she had never experienced anything like this. When she went into labour with Jackie the contractions had been painful, but manageable. This, though, was something completely different. She knew instinctively that something was wrong... She was only at 23 weeks, far too soon for labour to set in.

Vaguely aware of Greg barking at Mrs. Hudson to check on Jackie, Rose moaned as another searing pain jolted through her abdomen. "Sherlock," she hissed.

"Hospital first, Rose," Greg replied, carefully laying her across the back seat of his car, before hopping into the driver's seat. "Now to find your useless husband, yeah?" Turning back to smile at Rose, the sight that met his eyes made him turn on the siren and take off without hesitation: she was curled up into herself across the seat, her hands clutching her stomach and beads of sweat across her brow as she bit her lip and nodded slightly in response.

There were several unsuccessful attempts to reach Sherlock on his mobile - for some inconvenient reason it kept going directly to voicemail - before Greg decided to call John instead. "Come on," he growled as the phone rang a third time before someone finally answered.

"Greg?" John asked.

"Sherlock. Bart's. Now," Greg barked, swerving slightly to avoid an oncoming car. Glancing again in the rear-view to check on Rose, who only looked paler, he took a deep breath. "It's Rose."

"Oh, God," John breathed. "We'll meet you there."

Feeling somewhat reassured that John would come through on finding Sherlock, Greg tossed his phone onto the passenger seat. "Almost there, Rose."

Rose nodded mutely, her jaw tightly clamped shut against the pain. She could only hope that they would arrive at the hospital soon, and prayed that Sherlock would be right behind them. She experienced the vague sensation of the car coming to a full stop when a final blinding pain shot through her and everything went dark.

~~~~0~~~~0~~~~0~~~~

Sherlock tried repeatedly to reach Lestrade on his mobile, but was thwarted by voicemail every time. Armed solely with the knowledge of where they were heading, he was about to try calling Molly when a text message alert caught his attention.

Where the bloody hell are you? ~JW

He stared at the message for a split second, contemplating its meaning. More than likely, Lestrade had contacted John when he was unable to reach him directly. Which meant that John was at least aware of the situation.

On my way. Three minutes out. ~SH

Turning his attention to the driver, he realized that they were slowing for a red light. "£100 to run the light. Now drive!" he commanded. Yelling at someone felt good, it made him feel ever so slightly in control when he knew that whatever was waiting for him would be completely out of his hands. His mind reeled with every possibility, every scenario that he might face when he entered the hospital doors, and none were easing his concern.

Throwing a handful of cash at the driver, Sherlock raced across the sidewalk and into the old building. Normally, as he walked through these doors, he knew that satisfaction was close at hand. Now, however, he had a feeling that he would not be satisfied with anything he learned here today.

"Rose Tyler-Holmes," he barked at the nurse sitting behind reception. "Where is she?"

The nurse blinked up at him, but couldn't bring herself to be completely annoyed. "Sir, if you would please-"

"Where is my wife?"

"Sherlock!"

Relief. That was the only word to describe the feeling that immediately washed over him. Lestrade was here, which meant Rose was here. He would have answers. No, that wasn't right. If Lestrade was here in reception with him, then no one was with Rose. In the blink of an eye, the relief was replaced with dread. Taking in the man before him, he knew his instinct was correct. Lestrade was pale, he looked defeated as he stood there. But that was nothing compared to the blood stains on left side of his jacket.

"What happened," he demanded, nearly hissing through clenched teeth.

"They're not entirely sure," Greg replied. "But she's in surgery now."

All of Sherlock's carefully cultivated bravado suddenly disappeared. "Surgery?" His voice was barely a whisper, and he knew that he was radiating fear and uncertainty, but he couldn't be bothered to care. His Rose had been rushed to the hospital and now was undergoing some sort of procedure and he was not with her. "Where?"

Greg knew better than to start answering any additional questions in the reception area. Sherlock would want to talk to the doctors, see Rose for himself. So, instead of simply standing there, he led the man through the sterile corridors and explained what little he knew, what he had witnessed, until they reached the labour and delivery wing and a doctor could be found.

Arriving at the nurses' station, Greg was relieved to see that someone was already there waiting for them. Molly was standing there, a grave expression on her face, ready to run interference with the nursing staff if need be. After Rose was rushed off to the operating theatre, Lestrade knew that he needed to wait at the main entrance for Sherlock. However, he didn't feel comfortable leaving the wing unmanned. Knowing that Molly was in the building already, she was the only person that he could think of to call to take up his vigil as he went to find Sherlock - hoping that John was successful in his task.

"Sit down," she said gently, placing a hand on Sherlock's arm.

"Not until I see Rose," he hissed.

"You can't yet, Sherlock," she chided. "Her doctor will be out soon, but she's already been put under and they've begun the procedure-"

"What procedure!" he all but roared. Why was nobody giving him answers? "They can't operate without consent-"

"A placental abruption," Molly said quietly, effectively cutting him off. "They think she suffered from a placental abruption."

Sherlock stared at his friend in disbelief, not really seeing her at all. There was no reason why this should be happening. Collapsing onto the uncomfortable waiting room sofa, Sherlock took his head in his hands. As the minutes passed, he was vaguely aware of voices talking to - or about - him, but couldn't be bothered to respond. He needed to be with Rose, to see that she was alright. He felt the tremors in his hands begin to take hold.

Time seemed to hold no meaning for him as he waited for news of Rose and the baby. It might have been only a few minutes, an hour, or even a year for all that Sherlock noticed. All that he knew was that it felt like forever, and no one from the hospital had yet come to speak with him, to update them on Rose's condition. He looked up, somewhat surprised to find that their party had grown in number from simply Lestrade and Molly to now include John, Mary and even Mycroft. He tilted his head, peering suspiciously at his brother who nodded solemnly at the unexpected eye contact. Of course he was here - it was Rose. She brought them all together. This was their family.

Family. Jacqueline. It suddenly occurred to Sherlock that he had left her with Mrs. Hudson, who would no doubt be concerned about Rose as well. Thoughts like this never would have crossed his mind before, but now they were somewhat commonplace. He cared for these people, and knew that they cared for him. He just couldn't stand to be near them right now.

Jumping up, he started to pace the room, still ignoring those around him. He was anxious. Once upon a time, he would have willingly given this feeling over to the oblivion of heroin. For now he would settle for a cigarette. Just as he was about to make the foolish pronouncement, something caught his eye.

Sherlock's heart nearly stopped as he saw an unconscious Rose being wheeled away from him on a hospital bed. Everyone - and everything - else forgotten, he ran forward, pushing a nurse aside so that he could take her hand in his. It didn't escape his notice that her hand was icy.

"Sir!" the nurse admonished. "We need to move the patient into recovery-"

"She is not simply 'the patient,'" Sherlock growled, his eyes never leaving his wife's face.

"Of course not, Mr. Holmes. But we do need to get her into recovery before she can be moved to a private room. I promise, I will come and fetch you once she's ready."

"And the baby?"

"The doctor will be out shortly to speak with you."

Pain lanced through Sherlock's very core at her words. There was no mistaking the meaning behind them, no hope for anything other than simply surviving. He looked down at Rose, her face so peaceful as she was still under the effects of the anaesthetic, who had no idea what sort of heartbreak she was going to wake to. He released her hand and watched as the nursing staff moved her away from him and through another set of doors. All he could do was stand there, in the corridor, numb.

~~~~0~~~~0~~~~0~~~~

Rose sat in an armchair by the sole window in her hospital room, staring outside but not seeing anything. The doctors and nurses insisted that moving would be good for her, even if it meant simply walking laps around the central nurses station on the floor. She couldn't bring herself to do it though - seeing the happy faces of new parents in the ward, hearing the sounds of crying babies from the nursery - it was too much. Instead, she chose to withdraw into herself.

Sherlock entered the room as quietly as he could, not wanting to wake Rose. Seeing her sitting by the window, he sighed with short-lived relief. He knew that if she was mobile the hospital would release her. The doctor had told him as much. She needed to get away from this horrible place; she belonged at home with him and Jacqueline. He could see that she was wilting before his very eyes, her very essence faded away.

"Rose," he said, trying to pull her attention. Kneeling beside her, he took her hand in his and pressed his lips to her palm. "Tomorrow, Tulip. You can come home tomorrow."

She nodded slightly in acknowledgment, but pulled her hand from his grasp. "Tomorrow," she echoed, her voice hollow and her expression blank.

"Tomorrow."

~~~~0~~~~0~~~~0~~~~

Three weeks passed, and Rose hadn't spoken a word. Upon arriving home to Baker Street, she settled into an old recliner by the window of the sitting room and had barely moved since. She couldn't bring herself to lie in the bed that she and her husband shared, she couldn't face the stairs to check on Jackie in the nursery, she barely ate and hardly slept.

Sherlock did what he could to ensure that she was cared for: he brought her food, water, and tea; he encouraged Jacqueline to talk to her and bring her drawings; he carried her into the tub and bathed her. Yet somehow at her lack of response, her lack of improvement, he knew it wasn't enough.

One evening he finally reached his breaking point, and tried yelling at her. "You need to stop this! Snap out of it already!"

Rose simply blinked and turned her head away from him in response.

"I lost him too, dammit!" Bending down to lean against the arms of the chair, he looked her directly in the eyes. "He was my son too."

"And you can have a hundred more!" she screamed, breaking her silence for the first time. She pushed him away from her and stood, all but running to their bedroom and slamming the door behind her.

Understanding flooded Sherlock, but before he could give chase, a cry sounded from upstairs. Apparently Rose had woken Jacqueline from her nap.