#when I was in witness protection after a screenshot of one of my posts was in the fucking Guardian

[obstinatecondolement]

Kind of annoying that my AO3 handle breaks with my consistent Hamlet-act-1-scene-2-lines-296-to-297 branding, but I would feel very reluctant to change it after all this time.

Also, while aching melancholy is very much a well I revisit often in fic, I mostly write things that are pretty fluffy, which SweetPollyOliver is a better fit for.

[elstreem]

Camelot Movies appreciation post~

Warning: very, very long because I have no idea how to condense my thoughts. Also very rambly. I would include more screenshots but I don't really have much, but I do have a few for the 2nd movie!

So when I first watched these film adaptations I was pretty harsh on them and with the first film specifically, I was left wanting for more because of how much it cut out. While it's a shame that they had to, given the constraints of film (one hour and 30 minutes for each film, for an adaptation of a chapter with I dunno, 200k or more words?) I remember feeling disappointed with what it didn't do (no Arash Airlines, no goofy Bedivere moments, and booting out Hundred Faces).

But being the simp I am rewatching the movies some more, I did realize it what was trying to do with its more limited time, and it did a good job showcasing just how horrifying the conditions of the Sixth Singularity was for the people living in it...and something that only recently came to my notice, something that the films did a great job at building up slowly and subtly, was Bedivere slowly opening up to Fujimaru and Mash. And Bedivere finding out, he was not alone.

So with that in mind, I don't mind the first film as much as I did before, because now I notice how Bedivere went from being distinctly cold and unfriendly (pushing away Salia when she asked him for help, and refusing Arash's offer of food and immediately leaving after the conversation ends) to putting his trust in Fujimaru and Mash, and it just warms my heart. Because, really, he was on his last chance to fix his mistake, and he knew he was going to die once he finished his journey, no ifs, ands or buts about it. He had no reason to reach out to others, so really, it makes all sense he was in this quiet despair at the start of the movie.

But then, as in the game, he saw Fujimaru and Mash trying to protect the refugees during the Holy Selection, so he stepped in to save them. A little while later, he also witnesses da Vinci apparently sacrificing herself for their sake, but in spite of that Fujimaru didn't give up. And that's when Bedivere first takes an active interest in someone else outside of his mission, curious of who Fujimaru is as a person.

So when Fujimaru asks for his help - he actually touches his hand, in contrast to what happened earlier in the movie. He physically reached out to Fujimaru and began to trust him, too.

It keeps building up from that point of contact, with Bedivere actually apologizing to Arash for hiding his identity, and accepting offers of food here and there. Another small interaction I missed seeing the significance of was when Fujimaru remarked to Bedivere that the Lion King was a horrible person - but rather than getting angry, or defensive, Bedivere simply reminisced on who she used to be. It's easy to gloss over, but keeping in mind that Artoria is someone Bedivere looked up to, it would have been easy to get offended by Fujimaru's remark, but Bedivere wasn't, and instead, he shared his own memories of her. my heart

And so, even in the darkest part of the movie, with the village under attack and Tristan himself facing Bedivere in battle - it just means a lot more, the scene when Mash steps in to block Tristan's attack, and Fujimaru actually goes into the battle, helps Bedivere stand up, and continued to carry him while walking towards Tristan to deliver a decisive strike.

Actually, these movies overall helped me appreciate Fujimaru more as a character, he's so sweet and caring.

Now, the second film is a better experience with all the flashy battles and more action scenes, but I also loved its quiet talking scenes. I can gush on and on about the scene where Bedivere and Fujimaru are taking a morning walk, especially.

But even at the beginning of the movie, when Fujimaru and Mash go on to check on Bedivere, was very sweet, the both of them so concerned and there is this ease in the way they interact that's so nice to see.

Another easy to miss moment is when the party reunites with da Vinci at Lancelot's camp and they begin discussing and theorizing why the Lion King is the way she is - when Bedivere tenses up, Fujimaru was the only who noticed and glanced over.

It ties later on with what he tells Mash, that he suspects Bedivere wasn't telling them the whole truth, but despite that, he trusted Bedivere would be with them.

My favorite scene out of the movies, of course, was the morning after, with Bedivere opening up to Fujimaru about his fear of a meaningless ending. Everything about this scene - the way Bedivere sounds and looks so fragile, standing on this rocky mountain slope in the cold morning light, and he fact that even Fujimaru was at a loss what to say at first - it breaks my heart.

But then, Mash tells them that Rushd found his determination to keep on living as a way of honoring Salia (oh, and it's sweet that when Rushd kneels down to cry at a distance, Mash goes after him to comfort him!) And Fujimaru tells Bedivere it's the same case for him, that there was always meaning in what he did because he was doing it for someone else, and then the sun rises and bathes everything in a warm glow as Bedivere cries from relief -

It's. Just. So good.

Oh, and another thing I noticed after rewatching the movie an unhealthy amount of times? During that scene, Fujimaru gives Bedivere Arash's dagger. Later on, that same dagger was the weapon Bedivere used to deal the finishing blow to Gawain, and it just - the whole resolution to Bedivere and Gawain's personal conflict -

Bedivere never left Artoria during her life, and was present even at her death, while Gawain always regretted that he was not there for her at Camlann, and he wanted to make up for it by standing by Artoria's side in the Sixth Singularity, even when she was in the wrong. Both Mordred and Gawain actually resented Bedivere for this, and I think a part of Gawain even blamed Bedivere for not saving Artoria.

But during their battle in the film (which is an amazing, if brutal fight) Bedivere won over Gawain using Arash's dagger, proving that his mission to restore Artoria to her true self was the right way. His loyalty won over Gawain's empty vision of standing by her side, and true enough, Gawain wasn't actually standing by Artoria because he chose to battle with Bedivere.

Oh, and another very, very fast moment I never noticed during my first few times watching this - when Bedivere, Fujimaru and Mash are heading for the castle and they run into Tristan, Tristan's attack was actually aiming for Fujimaru's head. And if you slow down the scene enough, it's actually Bedivere who pushes Fujimaru back to protect him - you can tell because his metal arm was actually in the frame for a few seconds, pushing back Fujimaru.

Bedivere, probably, "I just met this guy but I will protect him with my life so I have nothing more to say to you Tristan -"

And Fujimaru definitely trusts Bedivere back, because when they got separated during the vs. Gawain fight, Fujimaru tells Mash they should keep going, believing Bedivere will come back for them.

I am mostly gushing about Bedivere here, here's some love for the other characters:

Nitocris and Ozymandias's final scene together was also pretty sweet. It's a bit harder to grasp their relationship in the film since they have shorter scenes and less dialogue, but when Ozymandias gently touches Nitocris's shoulder and tells her she's done enough, and she regretfully says she hasn't - but the visuals indicate, that Ozymandias actually took her with him to the Egyptian afterlife just before the pyramid crumbled.

Sanzang giving peace to Mordred in their last moments was also very heartwarming. Also, Mordred saying in that battle that they didn't mind dying there and then because they hoped that in the world the Lion King was about to make, there were going to be no fools like them? Poor Mordred needs a hug and therapy. This isn't the post to go into how Mordred has such a depth of character in that they also despaired at putting an end to Artoria, so all I'll say is, I'm glad they got a great dad in Kairi in Apocrypha to make up for all the awfulness they felt with Artoria.

Serenity fighting with all she had against Tristan despite knowing their plan failed was both very sad but definitely an awesome moment. And the fact that she did what was a seemingly useless desperation attack to hold Tristan's attention while Cursed Arm was releasing Shaytan (all the while Tristan was slashing her limbs by the way) - she did good. I'm not much for fight choreographies, but I think the 2nd movie had especially great ones!

So the final conflict, and here's another detail I love about this movie - it's pretty consistent with how each fight wears Bedivere down a bit more, and by the time he makes it to the Lion King, the fight with Gawain had already made him throw his cape as a distraction, gashed his armor, burned away the ends of his skirt (I'm not sure what the correct term is for that part of the outfit), and even his ribbon is gone. At first I thought that Bedivere's hair got loose after being hit by Rhongomyiad, but now, its actually when he activates Airgetlam, you can see the metal tube thingies he's wearing burst apart.

Okay, but that was one indestructible hairstyle though, lasting for 1500+ years and even after fights with fellow Round Table knights, and it was only when Bedivere looses Airgetlam at the end that his hair gets out.

Anyway, silly commentary aside, the music track for the final fight "I am Bedivere" makes me so emotional :'>

Also, the fact that Fujimaru and Mash tear up when they realize the horrible truth that Bedivere was disintegrating before them...but they fight alongside him anyway, honoring the end of his journey. And when Bedivere is so, so spent, and he asks for the last Command Spell? And Fujimaru gives it with no hesitation?

Here, when he was at his end, Bedivere knew again, he wasn't going to die alone...and he had friends with him. Just, the way he smiled...it speaks of so much gratitude.

And he even bids Mash to take care of Fujimaru, before he makes his final charge.

Thank you movies for hurting me in the best way possible.

Oh, and one last rewatch realization? Bedivere actually died onscreen, they just didn't indicate it because it was mostly just showing his and Artoria's silhouettes. But I was rewatching it and then realized, "Wait, he's not moving or speaking anymore..."

He was crumbing away even as he presented the sword, and in the time it took for Artoria to remember who she was...when she finally recalled her last memories of seeing Bedivere's face, I believe sometime during that - Bedivere died. He didn't react to her final words to him, or her touching his face - and shortly after that, his body finally disintegrated, so I think, before that, his soul finally hit his limits.

Brb just sobbing.

So are the Camelot movies perfect? Not by a long shot from an objective point of view. But do I still love them? Hell yeah. I think they are something that can be appreciated with more rewatching, and it makes me sad that most discussions I see about the film are that the animation sequences look different depending on the scene? Which I don't really mind, I think each scene looked fantastic.

One last little addition I noticed recently: the battle damage Bedivere received (the fight against Gawain burned off the chest ribbon and cape he wears, and singes his skirt)...it resembles the state of his First Ascension art, since he also lacks the cape, chest ribbon, and his skirt is shorter there. Not sure if it's just a coincidence, or a proper nod to the in-game art. Either way, it's really neat detail.

[geographerdose]

Celestial Screenshots Destined for Fame, Part 5:

Marvin Gaye

⚠️⚠️ TW: death, violence, abuse, childhood trauma

All of the information used in this article was taken from Marvin Gaye’s Wiki page/biography. I am a student of astrology and thus all that I have learned in that course deserves the instructor’s credit, along with all the astrologers before him from Vettius Valens to the translators of ancient texts. I thank you for passing on this knowledge and am grateful to receive it. To protect his privacy and name (because what if I’m completely butchering these concepts, lmao) I will keep it to myself. I believe in the importance of giving credit where it is due and thus that is my intention here. I also believe in the right to privacy and thus that is my secondary intention.

🌖 First things first, his chart ruler is the Moon. It falls in his third house (where it has its joy).

🏆 It is being opposed by benefic of the sect in favor which is good despite it being a difficult aspect because at least both planets see each other.

🍀Even better is the fact that Venus is exalted in Pisces, while Jupiter is in its domicile. These are both benefics and in the place of God. I do know he started singing in church as a child and I believe he remained religious. I get the feeling he had a strong faith but it does not say outright.

🎤 I imagine this would give one an extra big voice and the man is a legendary vocalist. He was a pioneer that helped shape the Motown sound.

🎺 His Moon is also in opposition to Venus, although by sign vs degree and I believe this helped make his voice beautiful. Since Venus beautifies and Jupiter expands.

🥇But first of all, he was SO meant to be a star/famous simply looking at the ruler of his chart. Since the moon is not in its own domicile, it must rely on its ruler Mercury. It is up in Aries conjunct the Sun and Saturn, all dangerously close to his MC. {this stellium will be important later}

🏹 Even though the Moon has a 15 degree range, his Sun falls shy just a couple degrees. Or else his chart ruler would be in aspect to that Aries stellium near his MC directly.

🍑 However since the ruler of the house holding his CR is in aspect to the Sun+Saturn near the MC, the effect is basically the same.

💼👔Ruler of the tenth house is under the beams and thus career significations are hidden —> he had no desire to become an R&B singer when first signing to play drums. His first single release failed and he continued to play drums for other bands.

🚔“What’s Going On” was delayed in its release because of its political implications but ended up being a massive hit once released. I believe this is partly the example of Mercury and Saturn being under the rays. Mercury is associated with words and Saturn is associated with long-term rewards, both under the beams of the Sun so hidden. That song was sort of like a hidden slice of fame that eventually got brought to light.

👮🏻‍♀️It was inspired after witnessing police brutality at an anti-war event.

🎬 Also I found it interesting that he would perform with his eyes closed and was criticized as appearing to be sleeping, being told to open his eyes while performing. He refused to go to the grooming school which is something I would expect of an Aries stellium native {love it}

⚠️⚠️ TW: death, violence, abuse, childhood trauma

🪦Alright so I was trying to see if I could predict how he died using astrology since I did not know when I originally started this post a few weeks ago. I could not have even guessed the crazy sht that actually went down but looking at the astrology afterwards, it makes so much sense.

🙏🏻My honest to God “guess” toward cause of death before reading his Wiki: ➡️ “Lack of communication related to his work as a voice artist, possibly regarding siblings or children.”

👩‍🦯I completely overlooked both significations of the father though, with his eight house of death being ruled by Saturn (then bc Saturn is not in its own domicile, it must rely on its ruling planet Mars which falls in Capricorn).

💢He intervened an argument between his parents and his father shot him twice.

🟥 A square exists between Mars and Saturn. Saturn is also squaring Chiron+Pluto. Then Mars is opposing Chiron+Pluto. I believe this accounts for his abusive childhood at the hands of his father. He regularly received beatings. He even had a half-brother due to his fathers extra-marital affairs.

🌵Died during a ninth house profection year on the eve of his 45th birthday. The lord of the year was Jupiter, which is the planet in his chart capable of doing most good but it is opposing his Moon, representative of Native’s physical vitality. (The opposition possibly in effect here.)

🎼Passed away during “chapter 3” of his life during a fifteen-year Aries period. With a day chart, Mars is the malefic contrary to sect and ruling this period.

🪗 His peak periods are Libra and Capricorn, with Cancer as a moderate peak and Aries as a minor peak.

☠️ Level 1 Aries —> Level 2 Cancer —> Level 3 Cancer —> Level 4 Aquarius on 1 Apr 1984

🏜️ His eight house of death is Aqua, as is his Lot of Spirit. This is not a concept at all but still interesting bc I believe I came across a similar situation with Chris Farley (I will have to check).

🏈 Did you guys know he almost played football professionally for the Detroit Lions? Then legality regarding his music career stopped it or something. But, yeah, a man of many talents!

[yasminewestbank]

the whiny israeli guy who posted it on facebook didn't deny that the man served in the IDF. the man whose reservation was cancelled didn't deny it in front of the hotel either. i will attach the link. so i think he did serve in the IDF, or else they would've complained "he didn't even serve in the IDF". i fully stand behind my wording. my only apology is to the based hotel manager, who i wish i censored the name of before posting the screenshots.

i will end my comment with the speech by mr jeronimo gheres, the hotel manager:

https://www.instagram.com/p/C8emlmpSBww/?igsh=OHpoZnN2aWIxbWdw

[Transcription]

Hello everyone.

My name is Jeronimo Gehres.

You may have seen my name online.

If you search my name on social media, it will come up immediately.

The reason for this is that I am currently involved in a controversy.

Last week, a man associated with the IDF made a reservation at our hotel, and after much deliberation, I asked him to cancel his reservation, citing the possibility of Israeli war crimes and our potential complicity in permitting his stay.

This exchange was leaked online, and has gone viral online.

This is the exchange (shows flyer). My wife distributed flyers earlier, so please take a look if you have one.

What I want you to know about the exchange is:

1) I handled the situation with respect.

2) When I asked him to cancel the reservation because he was affiliated with the IDF, he neither denied nor argued, and agreed to the cancellation. It was a mutually agreed cancellation.

3) Online, it is being exaggerated and spread as "Hotels all over Japan are refusing Israelis one after another," but I do not know how other hotels are dealing with IDF affiliates.

4) Posting a private message online without redacting my name is in violation of my privacy rights first and above all.

Additionally, some people are saying I have brought shame to Japan or damaged Japan's honor. This is incorrect, let me explain why.

I am from Brazil.

I first came to Japan in 2005 on a scholarship from the Ministry of Education, and since then I have worked at the Shiga Prefectural Office and Japanese companies, being involved with Japan for about 20 years. Now I have a Japanese wife and children. I am proud of my background. I would never do anything to cause trouble in Japan or damage its honor.

On the contrary, due to my recent actions, I have received words of gratitude from millions, no, tens of millions of people around the world, including many who say, "Japan is great," "Japan is the best," and "I want to visit Japan."

Isn't this a splendid contribution to Japan's economy?!

I only did what was natural as a human being, but I believe ethical actions always yield good results.

Now this is a message to you!

People of the world, people whose hearts ache seeing children suffering, regular people who wake up early every day and ride crowded trains and buses to work, those who love each others' children as much as their own!

We cannot just stand by, scared, saying nothing and doing nothing, as we witness the massacre of civilians in Gaza, the massacre of children in Gaza!

What are we so afraid of? The ordinary people and children of Gaza are facing much greater fear. And this did not start on October 7! They have been living in fear for 75 years!

Why should we accept people associated with the IDF, people who are actively and directly involved in the massacre of children, as if nothing is happening?

We have seen it many times, haven't we? They are killing children! They are dismembering children's bodies! Enough is enough! Stop the war! This is a command! You too can command.

Lives around the world are precious and irreplaceable and should be protected. But now, let's especially protect the people of Gaza, the children of Gaza!

Finally, please don't forget! We, ordinary people, are the ones who control the world!

I am just a regular person, a worker, but for doing the right thing, I am facing terrible slander. Please send me your love and support. I am in need.

Long live Palestine Long live Gaza

That is all.

Jeronimo Gehres

2024-Jun-22

right now, a hotel in kyoto, japan is mass rated falsely 1 star reviews by israeli people because the hotel refuses to serve idf soldiers.

this is the message the soldier had recieved:

if anyone is willing to help report the false reviews, it would help this hotel greatly. i think they deserve help with that for being ethical.

this is a link to the reviews on google maps

reblogs would be appreciated.

this was posted in an israeli group, so no non israelis know about it yet

[aboutnavi]

Heyy recently found one of your old AFTG posts about Thea and Kevin. If you got the TSC spoilers about Thea’s meeting with Jean, what did you think?

Yep. Got the spoilers. So my answer in entirely based on the general idea of the spoilers I got and I'm reinforcing (!!!) that I have not read TSC yet (I can come back to this question after reading TSC to give a more solid opinion) so please do take my answer with a grain of salt (and please do also consider that I have a major grudge against Thea's character building and how this influenced the way Kevin's story was portrait and his future built*).

In my understanding of the spoiler (and I've seen it maybe once or twice just after TSC was released), you are referring to the scene where Thea goes to see Jean when he is at PSU, right? If it is (as I'm aware only of this meeting in the book, so please excuse me if you're talking about other scene that I don't know about because, again, haven't read the book yet), I just thought it was... very on character (which, for me, translates as... disappointing). Maybe Nora could have used this scene to give Thea some sort of redemption in the sense of... being more open to actually face what Riko/the Ravens caused, not only in Jean's life but also with Kevin, and the scene is Thea looking at Jean, a half dead body, and being "tell me what happened or I'll break your other ribs" which... hahaha so hilarious (read this with a lot of sarcasm in it). But again, not out of character, right? On the (now deleted) posts of Nora about the future of the Foxes, Thea's response to Kevin's trauma was literally "no harm no foul because Kevin is playing again, right? So Riko's death takes a little edge of the hate she feels"... Every time I go back to that screenshot of Nora explaining "it takes the edge of the hate..." I get so mad again because OMG are you EMPTY inside? Do you not have feelings? Do you literally marry someone, love someone, is a witness to someone's life and you just look at the abuse your partner went through and just hah! no harm no foul, and by the way, your abuser? the hate edged off because he died. SORRY? Anyway... That's my "opinion". Biased, I know, but I can elaborate more after I've read TSC.

*I do not actually care this much about Thea, in general. Let me be clear, I'm a major slut for characters with two lines, no appearances in canon and I can build a solid connection with them. If Thea and the whole Thea-Kevin relationship was developed in a slightly better way, I would have probably have no problems with it (beyond not taking it seriously at all, because I'm actually very much not attached to canon, not only with AFTG but with actually every fandom I'm in). And I have said this before in my repost about my original post on why I detest T-K's relationship, so I feel like it's worth to reiterate: I do understand Nora's protectiveness of her character and I actually respect her a lot for sticking up for her choices but, again, I still condem the whole character building: 1. As explained before, the whole minor-sexual-abuse thing is not something I want to touch with a ten foot pole; 2. The lack of care in understanding/navigating Kevin's trauma, in the present (AND FUTURE!!!) is something that breaks my heart because I do care a lot about Kevin and I think that, as a character, he deserved a lot more than what he got; 3. The stereotypization of black women (in AFTG in general but) with Thea is monstrous... when you write a black woman and the only adjectives you give her are: thick, stony, a "tank", rude, violent... well, it's says a lot (and do not let me start in how every minority in the book is portrait almost as a caricature).

[2dkapsddr]

February 23rd, 2024 - TAKUMI, CHUNITHM, maimai

OKAY OKAY BIG POST AHEAD BUT IT'S REALLY UNUSUAL DUE TO THE CONTENTS SO I KINDA MAYBE HAD TO TURN DOWN MY SEARCH FILTERS SINCE PASSWORD PROTECTING THE BLOG IS NOT REALLY AN OPTION

so i was in seattle today, right? well, i was planning to go to seattle to get a gift for a future meetup with Fiddy, but i heard about some (unspecified) event there that perfectly lined up with the time i was visiting!! only... my parents wanted to tag along with the babies as well, so i ended up getting taken by them to seattle as we spent a while getting the babies together and eating at my workplace. while i was there though, i figured i'd warm up and get in the rhythm gaming mood with a teensy bit of takumi unlocks! all i took a screenshot of was this sightread S on nighttheater, but it's p cool nonetheless

after that was done though, i ended up in seattle with a mission: get a gift for fiddy meetup. easy enough, right? NO. i spent a while at another store getting myself a gift, but trying to find something for fiddy that was worth it was a PAIN. spent an hour total just browsing kinokuniya for the perfect gift, and all i came up with was the very first thing i saw when i walked in (blue archive art book).

i finally finished browsing at about 3:30 PM, which unfortunately meant i only had a few hours to cash in my ticket and play some chunithm. knowing my time limit, though, i sprinted over to the event spot and tracked down the cabs after asking around and doing some (honhonhon) investigation myself. and oh my lord, it was such a beauty to witness in-person... just look at that beauty...

i felt like a kid in the electronics department of target, honestly. it was SO DAMN COOL seeing this in person and i would give... actually i don't really wanna sacrifice anything to experience it again, but i would if i could and it wasn't too consequential!!! but with no time to waste and the cab freed up thanks to the neighboring cab (more details to come after this scoredump), i hopped on and registered my pass so i could start GAMING

AND GAMING I DID!!! the first credit made me think i'd have to play the expert of everything to get master or ultima, but that was resolved eventually as i found out about master tickets and map progression in time to fully grind every song i've never had access to until now!!! (jet ultima my beloved, had to get it first of course)

after that amazing session though, i wanted to take a break from all the chunithm'ing and focus on the aforementioned neighboring game, which i hadn't even been able to Play before at all... maimai!!!!!! this cab was on festival plus which was already massive, but AAAAAGH I'M ACTUALLY PLAYING MAIMAI!!! WITH MY OWN TWO HANDS!!! AND ALSO PLAYING THE BEST SONG IN THE GAME!!!!

time was running out, however, so that was all i really got to experience of maimai. i ended off the session with some more chuni (including a song suggestion from an intl player) and bid farewell to this beautiful, beautiful cab as i would only get to see it again over a month from now...

back at home, all i did was take in the beauty of experiencing seattle and living it big in the city despite everything. i really want to come back some other time, but i need to Keep Grinding and brave everything else going on right now. as such, rhythm game posts might slow down besides the next upcoming one, but i truly hope to get to a point where i only have to worry about the current day's homework and my little rhythm games :]

[piduai]

Interview with Noda Satoru from MOE magazine

sharing anywhere is fine, but please credit me. stop posting screenshots of my translations on twitter without crediting.

Q: Let's talk about the most captivating aspect of your work - your charming heroine, Asirpa. What made you decide to make the representative of the Ainu a young girl?

Noda: She was created after considering the balance she would bring between herself and other characters. There was a possibility of Asirpa having been a young boy instead. In that case, however, I feel like her relationship with Sugimoto would have lacked discretion. I think I managed to make her look natural in both being confident in her disposition towards life and while fighting. However, because she's a young girl, there's still a peculiar sense of distance between them. On the other hand, if Asirpa were a grown woman, everyone would be concerned with Sugimoto's feelings towards her. Her being a child allows me to continue the story without worrying about that. Asirpa is Sugimoto's partner, whom he will protect with his life. If she were an attractive adult woman the readers would perceive Sugimoto's behavior in a very different light.

Q: Although she's a young girl coming from an ethnic minority, she never left the classic impression of being frail and in need of protection. Her firm and strong image when she declared herself as an Ainu woman of a new generation is truly admirable. Your female Ainu characters seem to be quite bold, in general.

Noda: If we were to assume that because back in the day Ainu women had a weak social standing then them being strong in my work is a bit unrealistic... It would be, as you noted, an outdated stereotype born out of ignorance. During my research I read a lot of stories about strong Ainu women who managed to overcome a tremendous amount of struggle. Besides, I wouldn't say that as I was growing up I've seen that many weak, useless female characters in the media I've consumed. Well, it's true that despite being a mangaka I haven't read that much manga myself, so I don't exactly have an accurate degree of comparison. I like reading about strong female characters, so I write mine as such. It's a universal thing regardless of the historical period, so I had no intention in tailoring the story to the modern audience's demands and values.

Q: Can you tell us in which ways you came in contact with Ainu culture as you were growing up in Hokkaido?

Noda: Despite being born and raised in Hokkaido I almost never came in contact with it. If it weren't for this manga I might have lived the rest of my life that way. Sometimes people will say that since they've lived in Hokkaido for decades without witnessing any discrimination it must mean that said discrimination is a thing of the past, which is a revolting statement. However, I can relate to the part of never having witnessing it myself. Areas in which there's a dense Ainu population vary a lot across the island, so the amount of awareness within Hokkaido itself is disproportionate.

Q: Did you feel any pressure regarding Ainu representation in your work back when you started?

Noda: I think a lot of the media portraying Ainu that has been flamed for being discriminatory ended up being like that because of the creators' ignorance. For this reason I had no reservations about representing the Ainu in my work as long as I put in effort towards proper research. On the other hand, I had concerns about deliberately making the villains Wajin (t/n: ethnically Japanese people). From what I read, there were a lot of Wajin presented in a good light, too, so I made sure to include Wajin characters who aren't prejudiced. Obviously we're all human, so regardless of being Ainu or Wajin, there's different types of personalities everywhere. What really made me feel pressure is having to create something that would be popular with readers.

Q: All of the manga volumes are accompanied by the words "Not one thing has been bestowed from Heavens without a purpose". What meaning do they have to you?

Noda: In the beginning this story wasn't exactly following these words, but I feel that gradually they became strongly representative of it.

Q: What do you find the most interesting about Ainu culture?

Noda: The way their aesthetic sense is so different from the Wajin one when it comes to designs. The embroidery on the clothes, the patterns on the carvings. I am especially fascinated with their short swords called makiri. Japanese swords are prized first and foremost for the way the metal was forged, but for makiri the carvings on the handle and the patterns on the scabbards have a lot of cultural value. As proof of that a lot of museums around the world have makiri without any blades on display, each delicately carved design having its own unique meaning. I find it very entrancing.

Q: You used a lot of Ainu tales in your work. Is there one you're especially fond of?

Noda: The one that was featured in the arc about the lightning and viper couple (t/n: chapter 105). The couple itself is not entirely fictional either, there's an article in the Hokkaido criminal records about a man who was nicknamed Lightning and his wife, a thief who had a viper tattoo. When I was just considering using them for my manga, I came across a folk tale very similar to them, so I think that it's easy to assume that either of those were my invention. It's very desirable for me to find ways to make the Ainu tales and my characters' stories mirror each other, but such opportunities are rare.

Q: Besides Hokkaido Ainu, you have written about ethnic minorities in Sakhalin, and your soldiers and prisoners are Japanese people from all across the country. What prompted you to take on such a multi-cultural approach?

Noda: It was important to make the story multi-cultural due to the historical period it's set in. Besides, if I were to write only about a deadly gold hunt, I feel like my audience would be limited. I'd get bored quite easily of such a story, both as a writer and as a reader; one shouldn't underestimate the value of casual, everyday life scenes. I also thought it integral to incorporate the cultural history of the time in order to add depth to the fighting scenes. I knew about Stenka from long ago and wanted to use it as a prop for fighting a prisoner, places like a paddle streamer and a beer factory must have ways to fight tailored specifically to them - I spent a lot of time polishing such details.

Q: You pour a lot of time and effort into your research. Is there anything that you wanted to use in the story but regretfully had no opportunity to showcase?

Noda: I managed to get my hands on a few old, precious makiri which I had no way to use in the story at all, and it's truly a shame. If you go all the way to the Amur river there's other ethnic minorities there, as well as on the Kurile islands, I wanted to write about them. Inuit people use a kind of peculiar snow goggles as sun glasses because they live in snowy areas, I find them stylish and wanted to use them. But I would have to come up with specific scenarios for the characters in order to go there, which I was unable to do.

Q: You have a tendency to do some corrections to the story when it's released as manga volumes. Is it because you feel regret towards the limits that come with releasing it in a weekly magazine?

Noda: My work as a mangaka will be remembered by the world in the form of volumes, so I don't think that adding corrections to them is a big deal. Besides I think that people who buy the volumes will be happier reading something slightly different from what was shown in the magazine. You might think that it's unfair towards those who only read the magazine, but I do try to do the best job I can in the limited time frame I have for the weekly magazine, so I wouldn't say that they're missing out on that much.

Q: Did you experience any significant life changes due to COVID?

Noda: Not at all, but it did become more difficult to do my research.

Q: What kind of picture books and fairy tales did you like as a child?

Noda: I was particular towards the translated version of "Scary Stories to Tell In The Dark" illustrated by Stephen Gammell, published by Poplar. They were so scary, back in elementary school I loved them so much I'd keep reading them until the books fell apart. Unfortunately only two of the three were translated back then, the third one was always out of print. Not long ago it seems that a different publisher took over them, but they used another person's illustrations. I'm very emotionally attached to those books since I read them as a child, so I wonder if Hakusensha (t/n: publishing company) couldn't republish them. They're very scary, so I'm sure they'd sell like hot cakes.

Q: Tell us about some interesting books or manga you've read recently.

Noda: "Alone with the Hairy Ainu" by Arnold Henry Savage Landor. Isabella Bird is a famous name, but there were quite a few foreigners besides her who explored in Ainu villages back in Meiji era. They weren't bound by any ideology and only wrote about what they saw, so these records are very valuable since foreigners had no invested interest in fabricating a certain depiction of the Ainu. I've read a few books by foreign explorers, and there isn't much of a difference between the things they say, and of course there's no much discrepancy from the Japanese authors either. Landor's book omitted his detailed descriptions of traditional tools, so I would like if it were republished in full someday.

Q: Please leave a message for the readers.

Noda: For those who have been enjoying my story and supporting me until now, I'm doing my best in order to give it a smooth landing, so please stick with me until the end.

[ephemeralgalaxies]

ayo another meta post for wangxian (but nightless city flavored)

Alright y'all bare with me here since I cannot for the life of me upload screenshots or gifs (I swear I'll figure out my weird computer eventually but today is not that day). Absolutely in love with the gifset @cherryysundae posted, so I'm gonna attach that here for reference to the scene: (XX) (pls work)

TLDR; I have way too many emotions about the cliff scene, but especially the part where WWX realizes that JC is going to send LWJ down with WWX and WWX can't take that so he wrenches away to save LWJ bc he can't lose any more than he already has, even if that means dying alone (but then him realizing 16y later that maybe he still has reasons to live and he'll do whatever he can to keep them this time).

Once again getting emotional about wangxian, specifically the Bloodbath of Nightless City when WWX dies.

Ofc we see that WWX has lost virtually everything at this point, right? Lost his adoptive parents (no matter how cruel they might have been, they still raised him so it's gonna be a shock a person just doesn't recover from in even a year). Lost the respect of the cultivation world because he wasn't willing to fit into their mob mentality and charge the innocent for the crimes of a war. Lost his clan, his home, his family when Jiang Cheng rejected him; people he's known and fought beside his whole life, places he's grown up in, foods he's connected to every little moment. Lost his new family, seeing the Wens dead and disgraced with crowds of people able to witness their bodies and talk shit on them (he doesn't see A-Yuan, ofc, but surely he wouldn't believe a little kid to survive the indiscriminate wrath of the entire cultivation world. He knows what's coming, he knows A-Yuan is done for if not already. He can't protect him anymore). He looses his sister, his tether to the world, the one person (he knew of, at least, as we know that even when he came back via MXY, WWX thought LWJ never actually trusted him) that truly believed there was good in him --- that maybe he was doing a good thing. And she died right in front of him with him believing it was his control of the spirits that caused the chain of events (IT WASN'T EVEN THE SPIRITS THAT SURELY KILLED HER. SHE WOULD HAVE LIVED JUST FROM THAT. It was some other cultivator determined to take down WWX in his moment of vulnerability and family mourning that lead to Jiang Yanli pushing him out of the way so the sword would run her through instead). And then, if there was any hope in rekindling his relationship with Jiang Cheng, that surely suffocated it. He's lost everything.

And the worst part? They can't even see what they've all become. Wei Wuxian just stands there, overlooking the destruction they're all spiraling into, no longer even trying to control the spirits. He breaks the Yin Tiger Seal and scatters it to the animalistic crowd below. Now, he really has nothing. What more to lose? There's no coming back from this, nothing more for him to do, no one else for him to protect.

"Trust me," LWJ told him when they still stood on the rooftop together before it all got so out of control. It's the fact that even before WWX lost control of the spirits (with someone else's flute taking over and causing the destruction), LWJ is there with WWX trying to calm the situation, help him the only way he knows how. "Lan Zhan, do you think I have any other choice now?"

"The situation changed ... You must trust me. It's not that simple."

FIRST OF ALL IM SCREAMING The change this represents for Lan Wangji??? "It's not that simple" --- after years of trying to understand WWX and this growing tension within the cultivation world and their tyrannical systems, consulting Lan Xichen about "black and white, good and bad" and how not simple it all is. "Do you think I have any other choice now?" Because WWX thinks he understands LWJ by now; that the Perfect Golden Child of the Lan Sect would of course cherish and uphold every rule and regulation and surely the Lan Sect wouldn't allow for WWX's reputational actions (he should know, he memorized (almost) all of them, cocky lil shit reciting them to Wen Chao instead of the Wen Clan's). So surely, LWJ would believe there's nothing else for WWX to do --- he's too far gone. Everyone else seems to think so, why not him? If even his own brother could reject him like that, why would some High Moral guy who "hates [his] guts" (thanks, JC, for completely misreading LWJ's gay frustration) think that any of this is still salvageable?

"Situation changed" "trust me" "not that simple" --- bc LWJ understands now, he does. He watched what they did to the Wens, he knows that A-Yuan is still out there somewhere, all alone surrounded by resentful spirits. He hears how the crowd refuses to even try to reason, how they attempt to shoot WWX down, scorn him for defending himself --- others can harm him, but he can't touch them. Most of all, Lan Zhan knows Wei Ying. He just needs WWX to trust him now, and they can figure out a way --- even if it means leaving everything else behind.

In my opinion, I think LWJ was willing to sacrifice everything for WWX in this moment. I think he was ready. Before JYL died, before WWX lost control of the spirits, before the crowd broke out into monsters slicing and smashing each other for a piece of the Yin Tiger Seal. He would have done it. But then... "situation changed" again. Wei Wuxian lost everything (everything except him, but LWJ was never WWX's to begin with, was he? Who was LWJ to think he would be enough to make him stay? to make him "come back"?)

"Wei Ying... come back."

But WWX can't let that happen. He can't trust him, can't get too close. To him, he's hurt everyone he's touched. (ok, now we start the gifset references) So, he goes to the point of no return.

And Lan Wangji catches him. He catches his hand with Lan Wangji's wounded arm, literally pouring blood down as he grips onto him (and as @cherryysundae said, blood is slippery as shit. so that's a strong ass grip right there, fighting against both the pain, the weight, and literal fucking physics against him and he still manages. It's taking all he has just to hold WWX there, but he does. And then JC is there, and maybe he'll help; reach down and pull WWX up from the cliff, save his brother, fix what they have left of their grief-ridden family and sect (would anyone else besides the Jiang sect have noticed the change in spirits? When they refused to brutally harm anyone, but not even daring to touch the sect? because "Wei Wuxian hasn't forgotten us!" and then the utter horror when they think he has?)

But instead, LWJ sees that bloody sword, sees it gripped tight, JC's unmoving stance. "Jiang Wanyin! Stop it." The tears in his eyes here, the unspoken 'please stop falling with them, stop pushing him away, stop ignoring everything you've been raised upon and realize that some things need justice and sometimes those things are the systems you've base your life on. Stop grieving what you've lost to the point of blinding you from what you still have.' And JC pauses another moment, so LWJ turns his attention back to WWX --- make sure he's okay, that he's alive, that he's not planning on going anywhere just quite yet, just a moment more please---

And then Jiang Cheng draws his sword back and plunges it into the cliff side. (and now we get into why I specifically love The Untamed's version of this scene, maybe even more than the novel/manhua/donghua versions). Jiang Cheng doesn't stab Wei Wuxian, he hits the rock. He digs into the cliff, makes it unstable, twists his sword just so in a way that would force the loose stones to crumble beneath not just WWX, but also LWJ. And Wei Wuxian sees this, he knows what will happen if Lan Wangji continues to save him here, hold him there against the cliff without the strength to pull him up alone. He's lost everything... he can't lose Lan Zhan just as he starts to realize that maybe he can have him. And he realizes here that Lan Wangji would die for him. He would give up everything, and Wei Wuxian knows what it feels like to have nothing left.

"Do I have any other choice now?"

So he forces himself out of LWJ's grasp, falls into the pit, away from all the pain and nothingness and from Lan Zhan--- who still, even after JYL died and the spirits created a bloodbath and insanity fell upon the crowd in desperation for power of the amulet, still thought Wei Ying was worth saving. To the point that he'd die with him if that's what it took. Or maybe, LWJ doesn't notice the loose rock, doesn't see exactly what JC does with the sword, too focused on making sure WWX just stays right here, stays as safe as he can be. And maybe WWX knows this, knows LWJ won't be prepared for what's to come, knows he won't have the strength to save them both anyways, let alone himself if it came to it. I mean, you can see the moment WWX realizes what could happen: the way he stares at the sword, eyes wide, then in an instant they widen even more and that quick gasp before he wrenches his arm away from LWJ, pain and tears and guilt and fear on his face.

The pure devastation on Lan Wangji's face as he stands there frozen, arm still outstretched, even after JC walks away. He screams, Lan Wangji, Han Guangjun, Second Jade of the Lan Sect screams. I think this might be the most expressive we ever see of LWJ in the series, though he does let down his walls more after the 16 years (for The Untamed) than during their youth, but nothing ever quite like this. not even when faced with the possibility of losing WWX again via JGY (see: the other half of the referenced gifset). I mean, dude is PISSED, tho, absolutely staring daggers at JGY here, but he's calmer. He's grown. He's gotten stronger. And he knows that if it came to it, he would gladly give his life to save his Wei Ying. He's not letting him go again. He's tired of WWX's savior-complex; he loves him for it, but damn it's starting to get on his nerves when WWX keeps pushing LWJ away to save him. Just the:

WWX: "Lan Zhan, you go first to find reinforcements."

LWJ: bitch, who do you take me for?

WWX: my god we're both doomed

JGY and LXC: you're both hopelessly in love, actually, but yeah also doomed.

I just,,, I love wangxian so much, right, and they have so many beautiful moments, but I will never get over the cliff scene. Everyone always talking about what LWJ would do for WWX, I think we need to focus on this scene more and just what WWX gave for LWJ in that he didn't try to break the hold UNTIL he saw that it was going to put LWJ in danger. He would've stayed. He would have come back. But it couldn't happen, not yet, not with everything still in shambles. No, he needed to go --- let fires settle, let systems overturn and stir into a rolling boil, give Jiang Cheng and Jin Ling time to grow together and grieve what they'll never know, give Lan Wangji time to grow as a leader of his sect, have disciples under his command and care, let A-Yuan become Lan Sizhui (fucking "chasing memories" I'm sobbing, LWJ), let people question whether WWX was ever actually wrong to separate from order and protect the Wens. Let Wei Ying come back sixteen years later to face a Lan Zhan who knows how to protect him now and by god will never let him go again. Let Wei Wuxian grow into a person that no longer wants to die; he doesn't fear death, he knows it well -- but he doesn't want to die anymore. For the first time since probably the Cloud Recesses days, he finally has hope, finally joy and love, he has reasons to stay. He won't fear death, he understands it now. But by god he'll rage against it if he can.

"Come back..."

And so, if just to see the ones he loves finally full of joy and not mourning him for another sixteen years, he'll do it. He'll come back.

[thehomothings]

Analysis of Kite's conflicting moralities, relationship with death, and the toll reincarnation may take on one's psyche

So, today I decided to compile all the thoughts I have had about Kite's interesting worldview since the first time I saw him into one post, mostly for my own sake, really. If you're familiar with the few posts I've made, you know it's gonna be a mess, but hopefully a comprehensible mess.

A heads up, this is going to be spoiler-heavy, and very much deal with subjects of death and dying as a whole. Also, some of these conclusions are drawn from my own experiences and close brushes with death, I'm not going to go into much detail but it might get personal and definitely dark. I'm not even sure if I can call this a meta-analysis, and I'm obviously no expert, so mayhaps take all of this with a grain of salt.

Been getting into drawing lately, and during the more simple and mindless part of the painstaking process of dotting every single star in this, I let my thoughts wander through the latest part of the fic I'm writing, and I got a better grasp on what exactly made Kite such an elusive character to me.

I'm not quite sure why I got so attached to Kite. Perhaps it was the air of tragedy surrounding him, how despite his sordid past he remained still open and gentle even if outlined by a healthy dose of cynicism.

But sometimes, I think it's the fact that he is so paradoxical. He's brave, yet fears death to such a degree that creates a whole Nen ability around it, is a pacifist yet will not hesitate to spill blood for his own sake or someone else's. Despite the many ultimatums and warnings of 'I will not protect you', he gave his arm and then his life to save Gon and Killua. He approaches each hunt and battle with a clear plan of action in mind, but his Hatsu takes the form of a roulette that gives him random weapons which are never what he wants, but what he seems to need for that exact situation, which he cannot dispel without using. When he draws a weapon, the decision is locked in and his or his opponent's fate is sealed. That's why each time he dubbs his weapon a bad roll. Every time he has to gamble, he sees himself as having run out of luck. When it comes to having to choose between himself and somebody else...well, there had never been a choice. In fact his aversion to using it may feed into its sheer power that we, unfortunately, saw too little of.

Let's go over his very first appearance when he saves Gon from the mother Foxbear.

It's not hard to see the strain searching for Ging has put on him; he's rash, prone to anger and punching a child for daring to get into trouble. In his mind, he's failing at his most important task, has not yet earned the right to call himself a hunter despite being in possession of his very own hunter license.

After killing the mother Foxbear and raging about having done so, he says this interesting line:

So yes, he finds killing for any reason rather irksome as most would do, yet I think something deeper caused him to absolutely lose it in this scene:

He had not been aware of Gon's identity, and despite being an animal lover and a naturalist, he made a choice to save the human instead of allowing nature to run its course. In fact, he says: 'No beast that harms a human must be allowed to live.'

How does one weight one life against another? How is the worth of it determined? The value of life... an impossible choice he's faced with and a choice which he seems to regret to some degree.

The Foxbear cub.

Here, he's speaking from experience, a tangible loss he has felt himself, and a hard and bitter life he does not want to impose on the cub.

His backstory is exclusive to the 2011 anime adaptation but there are hints alluding to it in the manga, for example, the fact that he does not seem to know his birthplace, or:

The choice of words is chilling.

Reading between the lines, one could draw the conclusion that he is an orphan. Something supporting this hypothesis is how he visibly deflates after Gon tells him his parents have (presumably) died.

So we see he is willing to go against his own moral code of not killing as to not doom another living being to the life he led, a lonely, hopeless existence that could barely be called one. He saw it best to put down the cub rather than leave it to die a painful, slow death.

The reason Kite himself isn't as cynical and cold-hearted as one would be after witnessing cruelty in its rawest form is those small crumbs of human kindness which he may have found in Ging.

It was not only a chance at an honorable life being Ging's apprentice gave him, but it also 'saved' him from being broken and twisted into what he hated and worst of all, death.

If we take that one minute of backstory as canon to his character-which I find myself inclined to do- these quirks of his make much more sense. He lived on the run. He lived on the knife's edge between giving up or pushing forwards. He lived as so a wrong move could be the difference between survival and the end.

Between rock and a hard place creates a mentality of black and white, absolute good or extreme evil, this or that. Except in reality, it's much harder than that. Deciding who to save and who to strike down is a heavy burden to bear.

It's almost easy to see how struggling to keep surviving could lend itself to a crippling fear of death and subsequently developing a Nen ability which once more goes against his own moral code in order to give himself a second chance...yet something about it strikes me as unlikely when I look at it this way.

Living life knowing it could end at any moment has the opposite effect, at least for me it did. One comes to accept that it is fleeting and while not eager to let it go, when death eventually and inevitably does come, there is no fighting it.

Especially when there is no hope that tomorrow will be a better day than this one.

Frequent near-death experiences numb one's fear in a way, even if it drives them to take precautions that render it unlikely to happen again and results in c-PTSD, but still, it does. It sparks a certain nihilistic view of 'if it all can end so easily, then what's the point of it all?'

Unless there are things to live for, a sure promise of a better future, and Ging gave Kite that. When he faced the threat of losing his second chance at life:

Really, what else could lead someone to develop the ability of 'the hell I'm going to die like this'?

I think a separate event, an even more brutal near-death experience that almost cost him his life as the hunter he so strived to be set him off to develop the secret roll of Crazy Slots, what I call Roll No.0, Ars moriendi. Unlike other weapons, it cannot come up in random and is directly summoned by him, or better said, summon by his overwhelming will to keep going and hopelessness of fighting a losing battle. I don't believe roll No.3 was the weapon that allowed him to reincarnate. I've named that one Wand of Fortune, a sort of armor instead of an offensive weapon since I find it hard to believe Kite, a Conjurer, would not focus on defences as well, and I will go into both mechanisms of these weapons hopefully in his backstory.

Despite knowing this battle to be a pointless one and being acutely aware of his soon to be demise, he did not immediately draw Ars moriendi, no, he stayed back and fought for the sake of the boys, kept Neferpitou occupied until they could reach safety. We can see evidence of this in the aftermath of the battle that seemed to have gone on until dawn, a torn apart landscape only signaling a fraction of the devastation that was Kite's power unleashed. It still wasn't enough.

In the anime sub I watched, when Gon apologizes to Ging about Kite's death, Ging said a sentence that infuriated me, because it belittled the utter suffering of the NGL trio.

"He would not die in your place." (No screenshot, sorry)

And I remember practically shouting at the screen, screaming 'how could you possibly say that? Of course he did. He absolutely did die in their place. How could you not know your own apprentice? Why-'

It was only last night that it hit me why Ging would say that.

Once upon a time, maybe Kite would not have given his life for anybody under any circumstances, even if he had a way out of it all. He would still need to die to come back to life.

His Thanatophobia could be attributed to the (possibly untreated) PTSD of the near-death experience in his later life, being so certain of dying that finding himself alive afterwards drove him to never want to go through that again. He quieted his fear by creating a sort of a loophole, that even if he lost the battle he would remain. Ging remembered that, but as evidence shows, something changed. Maybe he healed a bit, perhaps growing up dulled his fear to a certain degree, but eventually when it came down to his life or another's, he didn't choose himself.

Now, I can hear you saying 'but he didn't die, so what are you going on about??' And so I reply: Yes, he is alive, but he did die. He experienced that painful, horrible moment of staring death in the eyes and thinking 'This is it, this is the end', went through the actual process of having his soul removed from his body. And that moment stretches into infinity, ten lifetimes condensed into the mere seconds before oblivion.

Dying isn't so hard if one stays dead.

It's not so easy to open one's eyes and find oneself alive again after that, no matter how much that is the heart's desire. It's difficult, nigh-impossible to reconcile with life and walk amongst the living when everything had been so final, when death had been accepted to its fullest.

So Kite awakens, the twin of Meruem and back from the dead, his mind and identity both intact and fractured. In that he is Kite is no mistaking, yet he is not the same gentle pacifist whose first reaction upon sensing a monster's aura was to shield two kids from it at the cost of his arm.

I don't think many of you are familiar with Zoroastrian ideology, but Togashi is known for loving his religious imagery, and it's not only Christianism he derives inspiration from (evidence of which can be seen all over Kite's character and resurrection).

In Zurvanism-a branch of Zoroastrianism- there is talk of the twin spirits: Ahura Mazda -epitome of all that is good- and Ahriman -epitome of all that is evil-, the parent god Zurvin decides that the firstborn may rule in order to bring "heaven, hell, and everything in between."

Upon becoming aware of this fact, Ahriman forcibly tears through the womb to emerge first. Sounding familiar yet?

Zurvan relents to this turn of events only on one condition: Ahriman is given kingship for 9000 years, and then Ahura Mazda may rule for eternity.

Meruem ruled for 40 days, his death leaving the throne vacant for ant Kite, wearing a dead girl's face and seeming to be brewing some nefarious plan. No more is there any sign of that unrelenting pacifism and the sanctity of life he held so high, losing his own may have only served to show him how meaningless the pain and suffering he went through had been, dying only to be reborn as a member of the species that killed him. It may be that he has no desire to rule over the remaining Chimera ants or create an army of his own-

Yet I dread to think what a broken mind possessing limitless power might do to the world.

And that's it. If you made it this far, thank you for reading! If you found it interesting, stay tuned, as I think a lot and I will make it your problem.

[sollannaart]

Hello, I've scrolled through your blog to make sure, this question wasn't asked before, but it would seem that it wasn't (though I could've missed it). Can I please ask you of prince Poniatowski's attitude towards Napoleon?

No, this question has not been asked yet, and thank you very much for sending it! It will be my please to write a answer to this.

Relationship between prince Józef Poniatowski and the emperor Napoleon Bonapart

I am sorry, this turned out to be a very long read, and on the topic a little bit wider than asked, so I had to specify the title and give the short answer for those who aren’t interested in details.

So in brief - Poniatowski respected Napoleon, but wasn’t a blind worshipper of the emperor. And in situations when in the balance there might have been Napoleon and Poland, and only one thing was to be chosen for prince Józef this one definitely would be his motherland.

Bronisław Gembarzewski, prince Józef and Napoleon

Emperor Napoleon, as all fans of the epoch knows, first arrived to Warsaw in December of 1806. But to start the long-read about relationship between the emperor and the prince properly we need make a step backwards, to understand what these two thought about each other on the moment of their first meeting.

Prince Józef, in comparison with many of his country men, participated in none of general Bonapart’s campaigns. What’s more - when the count of Provence, future king Louis XVIII resided in Warsaw in 1801-1804 he was an often visitor of Poniatowski’s palace. (So it may be said that before 1806 prince Józef was kind of a “royalist”.)

However, with Napoleon’s victory over Prussia and the emperor’s arrival to the former Polish lands chances of Poland rising from the dead skyrocketed! And prince Józef realized that he couldn’t have stayed away any longer, that if he wanted to participate in his motherland reappearing on the map of Europe he had to join the French.

As for Napoleon - in 1806 the emperor of Frenchmen didn’t have any warm feeling towards the nephew of the last king of Poland. One of the reason was that Claude Carloman de Rulhière, with whose book Histoire de l’anarchie de Pologne Napoleon had studied history of lands he was going conquer, wasn’t sympnathising the Poniatowski family. As other reasons there may be named a fact, that that time in French Army there were other Poles, whom the emperor knew better, like generals Jan Henryk Dąbrowski and Józef Zajączek.

Nevertheless, because when leaving Warsaw the Prussians kinda left the city “in charge” of Poniatowski, Napoleon had to meet prince Józef on entering the city. And from the data I was able to find it looks like the first meeting of the emperor and the prince happened on the 19th of December.

Prince Józef with Napoleon during the war campaign - drawing by Wacław Lipiński

With this image I am obliged to make a small digression. Napoleon, as recent investigation show, was not that short as he was thought to be because of English cartoons. Józef Poniatowski, on the other hand, was described by the contemporaries as a man of the middle height. So, in my opinion standing side-by-side these two must have looked like as people of the same height.

With the emperor so prejudiced against prince Józef, you may ask, how did it happen that less than a month later, on the 14th of January 1807, the latter was appointed as a Director of War? (In October of 1807, after the Duchy of Warsaw was created, Poniatowski’s post acquired the name of “Minister of War”.)

The answer is that behind the event there was a long and complicated intrigue, in which were involved such people as Joachim Murat (with whom, as you may remember, prince Józef quickly became friends) and Charles Maurice de Talleyrand, that time Foreign Minister of France. (As for the latter - his protection was asked by Pepi’s sister, Teresa Tyszkiewicz.)

And I can’t help but mention that Poniatowski’s nomination nevertheless had some advantages, because in comparison with his “rivals” he was a representative of the aristocracy, what might have provided support to Napoleon from the Polish high-society.

And speaking of high-society I can’t help touching a rather delicate topic, related with Napoleon’s love life, with which Poniatowski - in comparison with what is thought about him - had nothing to do. Yes, I mean the story of prince Józef (and other Polish dignitaries) supposedly forcing Maria Walewska to give in to the emperor in exchange for “Poland’s resurrection”.

SCREENSHOT FROM THE MOVIE “MARYSIA I NAPOLEON”. From left to right - Zdzisław Makłakiewicz as prince Józef, Gustaw Holoubek as Napoleon, Beata Tyszkiewicz as Maria Walewska, Ignacy Machowski as Duroc, Kazimierz Rudzki as Talleyrand, Juliusz Łuszczewski as Anastazy Walewski

Many people believe in it because it is written in so-called Walewska’s memoirs, but the investigations of Polish historians (like, fir example, Marian Brandys) prove that not everything might have happened like it was described in the memoirs. And prince Poniatowski’s involvement in the story is one of the facts. (The closest connection he might have had with this is that Mme Henriette de Vauban, his mistress, might have tried to influence Mme Walewska. But this is definitely a topic to continue in - if at all - a separate post.

So, let’s return to relationship between Poniatowski and Napoleon.

In 1809 the Duchy of Warsaw was attacked by the Austrians, and the Army of the Duchy showed its combat strength, winning the war and taking back from the enemy a huge a part of former Polish territories. The emperor was impressed by prince Józef’s inferiors’ performance, till such a degree that he awarded the latter with the highest imperial order of merit, the cross of the Legion of Honour.

But this was done “by proxy”, and the next, after year 1807, meeting of these two happened only in 1811 in Paris, where Poniatowski was invited to attend the christening of Napoleon’s son, the king of Rome.

Prince Józef arrived to Paris on the 23rd of April, and in the evening of that very day received an invitation from the emperor to appear next day in Saint Clou. What’s more, Poniatowski’s visit was to be happen at once, without an obliged advance as the ceremony of representation by the Saxon ambassador.

Prince Józef with Napoleon during the ceremonial audience at the Tuileries Palace - drawing by Maria Artwińska

And this is the image I like, because both - the prince and emperor - seem to have there the “correct” height!

Why was Napoleon so eager to see prince Józef? Well, at least because the latter brought with him news, which was dangerous to trust to paper. Namely - about planning Russian invasion of the Duchy and the tsar attempts to persuade the Polish Minister of War to switch sides and join the anti-napoleonic coalition. (Can’t help but mention there that Poniatowski revealed Napoleon mere facts, but not the names of the people communicating with him, in order not to put them in danger.)

And what about christening? Of course, prince Józef participated in the ceremony, and was even allowed to have an audience with the child-king. And, no doubts, there followed other court events, huntings, balls, etc. Old friend, Murat, and Poniatowski’s sister’s love interest, Talleyrand, introduced Pepi to the highest Parisian society. Also Pepi paid a visit to the ex-empress Josephine.

Prince Józef in conversation with Napoleon and the French Minister of Foreign Affairs, Talleyrand - drawing by Andrzej Zarzycki

And though initially prince Józef’s stay in the French capital was planned to be a couple of months, in fact it prolonged to four, till the emperor’s birthday. And leaving finally on the 27th of August Poniatowski received as a farewell gift a beautiful snuffbox planted with diamonds and a loan to… pay the debts of his sister Teresa.

And then there came the year 1812. Prince Józef was made the commander of the 5th Corps of the Grande Armée, and with the rest of the Army went to Russia.

However, above “The Polish corps” there was a commander not very competent and lucky, emperor’s younger brother Jérôme. And when it happened that the Russian Army under general Bagration managed to escape from the “second center” corps led by Jérôme, Napoleon blamed on this... prince Józef. 

In the battle of Smolensk, however, the Vth Corps managed to distinguish to such a degree, that together with its commander it was mentioned in a bulletin of the Grande Armée.

Jean-Charles Langlois, The Battle of Smolensk, 17th August 1812, detail

But after that battle there happened a very dramatic scene between the prince and the emperor. Because, as you might know, the city of Smolensk was the most eastern town ever belonged to Poland. So, if Napoleon’s goal was, as it had been proclaimed in the beginning of the war, to restore Poland, the Grande Armée should have stopped there, at Smolensk. Not to go further east.

And Poniatowski, as a witness of the scene, count Ostrowski, recalled, “begged Napoleon on his knees if not to direct the whole French Army to the south, to the former Polish lands, then at least to separated the Polish corps and send it along the Dnieper river, in the direction of Kiev...”

But emperor was implacable. 

What happened next we all know. The battle of Moscow, fire, retreat…

In December Napoleon left his army and speeded to Paris. Prince Józef returned to Warsaw, to rebuild “the Polish corps”, to reenforce the people left with new conscripts and to be ready to join with these people the emperor. When the latter comes with fresh forces, to fight the coalition back.

But the emperor of French didn’t hurry to return to the East of Europe. Failing to wait him Poniatowski had to leave Warsaw, going with his soldiers to Kraków. And was waiting here, for almost three month.

To no avail.

At the beginning of May all the territory of the Duchy of Warsaw, except Kraków, was occupied by Russians. A lot of Polish officers, acquaintances and even friends of prince Józef, resigned from the army. A lot of them were persuading the Polish commander-in-chief to follow, to join the anti-napoleonic coalition.

And… well, here I can’t write that Poniatowski rejected these propositions, all and at once. No, he was listening, thinking over… Asking for terms and thoroughly pondering on what would have been better for his motherland - to stay with France or not.

And on the night from the 6th to the 7th of May, on the eve of his 50th birthday the decision was made.

Prince Józef sees “the White Lady of the Poniatowski Family” on the night on 6/7 May 1813 in Krakow (drawing by Ludomir Ilinicz)

Having obtained no written guaranties from the other side, feeling that unconditional surrender - the only thing they were ready to accept from him - was not compatible with the soldier honor, the Polish Bayard decided to stay with Napoleon.

Although to make such a decision was for prince Józef extremely hard (especially if to take into account that he still had not got clear instructions from the emperor what to do). As Poniatowski confided next day to one of his colleagues that night thinking was so difficult to him that he even thought about shooting himself. Twice.

What is not proved - so this fact still stays a kind of legend - that that night prince Józef saw a ghost, the famous “White lady of Poniatowski family”. The fantom that was said to announce with its appearance very bad things to come…

And in 5 month there came… the battle of Leipzig.

Jean-Charles Langlois, The Battle of Leipzig (?)

This image is often signed as „the battle of Leipzig” though judging by the emperor’s, the prince’s and their horses’ poses I suppose it might be another version of “the battle of Smolensk”.

Of course, before Leipzig there was truce, then the battle of Dresden, then retreat and preparations. And in the beginning of the battle there was a moment when French victory still looked possible. But soon it turned out that it was an illusion.

And then the emperor… named general Poniatowski a marshal of France. Thus making him the only foreigner among that cream of French military elite.

Prince Józef Poniatowski receives the marshal baton, French engraving from the XIXth century

How did Poniatowski react to such a promotion? Did he become happy? Or, at least, glad?

No, not at all. (It looks like he felt that this appointment has more with his future attachment to France, than with military achievements.)

So prince Józef continued to call himself a general, sign documents according his old position. Furthermore, in the written explanation that Poniatowski sent to Warsaw it was stated that “if there was not war for Poland, no one would ever see him in uniform”. Which literally meant resignation. (In the very same letter, though, prince Józef announced that before leaving the army he had to escort Napoleon back to Paris.)

So, dear friends, who was interested in what might have happened with prince Józef had he not been killed at Leipzig - this is the answer. He would definitely retreat with Napoleon to Paris, than resigned and… here the certainty is a little bit less, but something tells me that he would have preferred exile to going back home. But I am not one hundred percent sure.

January Suchodolski, Napoleon and Józef Antoni Poniatowski at the Battle of Leipzig

And what about Napoleon? In his memories dictated on St. Helene he wrote that he should have made prince Józef the king of Poland (ha-ha, what would he have done if the latter rejected the crown?), regretted not doing this.

But what is, in my opinion, more interesting, is to learn what the ex-emperor thought on other Poniatowski-related topics? Did he regret blaming prince Józef for Jerome’s mistakes? Had he doubts on not listening the Polish commander’s pleas to take back former Polish land instead of going to Moscow?

Alas, I am afraid, this is a thing we’ll never know…

[manggaetteokkie]

Okay so I woke up this morning to a deluge of PMs screaming at me for not being awake so I knew something was up and bangtan did something at MMA. Then I read said PMs and saw how jikook was trending on Twitter... it was at that moment that I knew: I was fucked. 

Turns out my premonition was right, I really did end up getting absolutely fucked because oh my lord, my feels. Strap on kids, because we’re in for a long ride.

Okay so, before we even start processing what the fuck just happened (because my brain still can’t process the magnitude of Jungkook lifting Jimin up during Black Swan, sue me, I’m weak), let’s take a small step aside and just think about how much trust and care goes into executing a move like this. 

(Also this photo got me feeling a certain type of way just look at that beautiful arch in Jimin’s back, the grip Jungkook has on Jimin’s waist, Jimin’s ethereal body lines, the expression on his face... good lord fuck me.)

A lot of posts I’ve seen have talked about how much trust Jimin must have in Jungkook to throw himself into the lift with no hesitation, how he must trust Jungkook a whole lot to let himself be literally flung around/manhandled by someone who was never classically trained, or how much strength Jungkook must have to be able to perform a pas de deux présage lift with Jimin, spin him around 3 times, drop him, only to lift him up once again. 

And I mean, those points are all Valid, I honestly have nothing to say or to add to them because even I’m still reeling from the utter shock and disbelief at what my eyes witnessed but y’know. Life goes on.

But I also want to point out that this thing going on between them goes very much both ways. As in, it’s not just Jimin trusting blindly Jungkook and his strength one-sidedly. Although not as frequently talked about, Jungkook doesn’t purely rely on brute strength alone to get the job done. There’s so much care involved as he does his best to ensure that Jimin is as safe and comfortable during these lifts as he can be.

The reason I’m talking about this is because, ever since seeing the Black Swan lift, I couldn’t help but think back to this particular moment in the 2018 KBS Episode where the boys were practicing their Fake Love dance break with Tae and Kook helping Jimin with his jump. 

As you can see from the screenshots, right after completing the move during practice, Jimin says to the two, “Just work on the distance between you guys”. 

Immediately after hearing this, Jungkook pipes up from the side, “I think we should stay close to him”. It’s only after Jungkook’s words that Jimin adds the following:

So why am I so stuck on this? Because this entire exchange helped me become very aware that even though Jungkook’s strength is one of the most important things when it comes to doing a lift, he doesn’t rely on that alone to get the job done. He’s also constantly thinking about ways he could make it safer. Although some may think “ah, but Jimin’s the one being lifted anyways, he just needs to go along with the flow”, it’s actually just as straining on him (mentally and physically) as it is on Jungkook. 

From this, you can see that JK implicitly knows that it would be safer for Jimin if he and Tae stuck close to him, because as he demonstrates right after, if he and Tae put a certain amount of distance between them and Jimin, then Jimin’s arms end up too open which puts too much strain on his shoulder, thus increasing the chance of injury.

Also, note how he was able to figure all this out before Jimin even explained anything? Like, Jimin mentioned “distance” and Jungkook already knew and was giving out suggestions. I’m not even sure how to explain this, it could be because of his caring personality, it could be from the years of carrying Jimin (Jungkook’s literally been doing it since debut and I’m absolutely Not Okay thinking about it), it could be because of how much he knows Jimin trusts him, it could be all of the above, it could be anything.

Because really, that’s the thing isn’t it? Their relationship is built on so much fucking trust and understanding that it’s actually insane to think about. No matter how many times I watch that Black Swan performance, I find myself holding my breath in anticipation and my heart clenching in awe at the sight of them. The chemistry, the depth of their relationship, the amount of trust that stems from years of knowing each other but goes beyond it (let’s be honest, you can know someone for years more and not trust them as much as jikook trusts each other), it’s honestly so awe-inspiring to see.

At the end of the day, Jimin trusts Jungkook with his life, which is how he knows he can lean back during the pas de deux présage lift because Jungkook will be there to hold him up, a solid presence for him to lean on. He knows that Jungkook is infinitely careful, which is why Jimin can freely do all the flips and jumps that he does. He knows beyond a shadow of doubt that Jungkook will be there to catch him if he falls.

Similarly, Jungkook knows how much Jimin trusts him, knows how invaluable that trust is, which is why he never does things mindlessly. He thinks of ways to preserve that trust by being oh-so careful where his strength is involved. He knows how Jimin is the type to fully throw himself into something for a good performance, even if doing so might cost him later. So, Jungkook takes up the job of protecting him by being as mindful as he can of potential risks, in order to let Jimin do his thing without worry.

[scriptlgbt]

I’ve asked this elsewhere, but I want to cover all my bases: Me and another blogger are in the process of writing a story, and one of the main male characters has flashbacks from a recent abusive relationship, which was with another man. Is there any way we can show this without negatively stereotyping all gay relationships? As a note: all but one of the main characters are on the LGBTQ spectrum, and there is a canonical gay relationship that’s the complete opposite of the one I described above.

TW: Intimate partner violence, details relating to it.

This will be under a cut, because my response will involve more details, including describing specific real-life dynamics and experiences related to this.

I would appreciate if this specific post were NOT reblogged, to help protect the safety of those whose stories go into this response.

These are some general things that characterize the way I think about it, and issues I've faced with it that you may want to consider.

It's extremely difficult to come forward about abuse within the community. With some people, they may come forward to police. With people in the communities I'm part of, we have a sort of whisper network. Things like just normal word of mouth, talking with friends, but also private Facebook groups and things like that.

We are significantly more likely to take people for their word on these experiences, because we, more often than the periallocishet community, know what it's like to survive horrific abuses and not be believed. The issue with this, is that abusers who are in our communities and immersed in them, know these dynamics, and some find manipulative means of flipping the script and making their victims out to be abusers.

I have an anecdote from a friend (shared with permission, read over and fact-checked) on this sort of thing. (Put in an indent so folks can skip past it.)

My friend was in an intimate partnership with another queer person and there was a lot of abuse in that relationship. There were witnesses to this abuse (mainly two, also queer -- a roommate and a friend who visited for a little bit, but didn't know a lot of people locally in the community), and things related to it that were easily logged. Things like posts online, texts, social media messages.

Both my friend and their abuser had pretty heavy mental illness, and there were some other factors that made it hard to immediately recognize the relationship as abusive, like boundary communication being assumed to be a language barrier. (Although "no" was the same word in both my friend and their then-partner's native language, these things can feel easy to dismiss when you're right in them.)

A common thing the abuser did was react extremely poorly to boundaries being made. Sometimes my friend would be having a particularly hard time trying to get boundaries communicated to land, so they would eventually decide it was easier to part ways and have time to themself. Trying to make boundaries big enough for their partner to see was basically what this tactic was, and it didn't bode well for them. Because the partner would basically shut down mentally and be a suicide risk (not explicitly threatening, but repeating past patterns of behaviour for this sort of thing) for the next while, sometimes being unresponsive to texts and so on over the course of days. My friend would have no way to check in on them and felt coerced into taking back the boundary (they didn't, and it probably wouldn't have done anything anyway).

I think a lot of people of privilege tend to do things like call cops for "wellness checks" for this kind of thing. This is something a lot of marginalized people can't safely do, for one, and for another, it's not a thing anyone with any morals at all should be doing, anyway. IMO. Both my friend and their then-partner/abuser both had trauma related to the police, especially surrounding mental health. It just wasn't an option. (I wish I could link a transcript if one existed - but I rec looking up the You're Wrong About podcast episode for Kitty Genovese for this. It's graphic, but it does talk about how Kitty Genovese being a lesbian, and there being other gay neighbours in the witnesses, that plays into why people "didn't call the police" --- the police also later used her identity to claim that being a lesbian puts you more at risk for being murdered by a serial killer or whatever.)

Anyway. When my friend finally got out of the shitty relationship, the ex would make up lists of things that they had done to my friend, only, they claimed that my friend did that to them. For a long time, even up to 6 years after the fact, they would stalk my friend and get in contact with people that they interacted with to claim that my friend had done these things. There was one point my friend was convinced into not actually coming forward about anything anymore because their abuser had made a bullshit promise that they would stop spreading lies if only my friend never came forward. It was really gross. It didn't matter in the end that my friend kept a file filled with screenshots from all the sockpuppet accounts and IP addresses matching, it didn't matter that they had texts threatening my friend's pet. Because the abuser "came forward" first, grooming character witnesses.

My friend was further alienated and would find themselves blocked on social media and kicked out of spaces they needed as a survivor of intimate partner violence.

The moral of the story is not that we should *not* immediately believe survivors. We should believe survivors.

But:

- There is a difference between justice, and punishment.

- Transformative Justice, Restorative Justice, and similar, are things that we need to invest in setting up procedure for as communities. Community desire for justice requires actual justice, not just skipping straight to what is sentencing-adjacent. Carceral “solutions” do not actually uproot the sources of injustice nor do they commit to doing anything to facilitate healing in people harmed.

- People are not things to throw away easily, and we need to actually make efforts to understand the needs of survivors.

I may try and fill in an example of how TJ or RJ can happen later, but I advise doing research for this on your own. There is a police abolitionism textbook I’m forgetting the name of which provides examples of how people use community-based solutions for conflict outside of the justice system.

I do need to note that this isn’t a venue for this topic to be explored well. I just wanted to give a glimpse into how these things have come into communities that I am in and alternatives to the justice system, especially as people who are often targeted by police.

- mod nat

[jdmslut-red]

Alright hear me out… I’ve got this idea for a Loki x Daenerys story that I can’t get out of my brain

Figures… when I actually have time to think I get inspired instead of sleeping or relaxing on my time off 😅 I warned you guys, I’m in Loki world right now

Ok so in the events leading up to and during Ragnorak, Thor and Loki come upon the 7 kingdoms and meet our queen Danny. Im not gonna spoil too much in case I do decide to write this but I’m thinking of different ideas of how this will play out. I just need to explain and write this out cause currently my brain is like this is great… 😅 But basically, Thor and Loki help Danny and the others defeat the white walkers. After the battle is won Thor returns to Asgard to defeat Hela. Loki later joins him against Daenerys wishes. He promised her he would return however. ( by that time Loki and Danerys had already developed feelings and of course expect lots of kinky smut involving… magic 😏) but they never admitted straight out how much they actually cared for each other.

Anyway, after Asgard is destroyed. Thor, Loki and the rest of the survivors come back to the 7 kingdoms. Thor begs Daenerys to take the Asgardian citizens under her protection, which she does. Thor then tells Daenerys and Loki he’s going after thanos. Loki decides to go with him but Danerys pleads him not to. Loki promises her he would return to her again. Before they could speak again thanos appears in the 7 kingdoms as well looking for the tesseract in which Loki had taken.

After a somewhat lengthy battle, in which a lot people die including Daenerys second dragon. (The first one dying in white walker battle) Daenerys is furious and charges at thanos. He easily takes her down of course but before he could kill her Loki saves her, sacrificing him self (much like the painful death scene we all know)

Danerys holds a dying Loki in her arms while they finally confessed their love for each other. Anyways, Thor wants to go to earth to join the avengers. He pleads Danny to go with him but she declines, telling him she still needed to win the throne.

After witnessing her closest friends death, both of her dragons and the love of her life die before her arms, Danny whirlwinds into madness much like in the show. Burning the whole city to the ground. However, in my story jon snow doesn’t actually kill her. Having been taught some magic by Loki, Danny fakes her own death with an illusion before killing jon snow herself.

Ok so I haven’t really decided how she ends up in a different time line, there are possibilities. But basically the TVA finally tracks her down in which she meets present or past Loki I guess. There’s a lot more to it, but I just wanted to explain the important bits and see what you guys think. Cause in my head and typing this out now I’m like oh this sounds epic 😅 but knowing me and how complicated the MCU and Game of thrones universes are (especially since I don’t keep up with anything that Loki is not involved in) it’ll probably be shit 😅

Here’s some screenshots of a little sneak peek of a scene I wrote on my phone where past Loki escapes the TVA with Danny…

Ps: If I do ended up writing this I’ll probably only post on my archive or maybe create another blog idk yet. I mean I can barely keep up with this one with my life being chaos right now 😅

[the-blind-geisha]

im sorry you weren't treated well in some fandoms. I hope that the next season of Overlord comes out to refresh you!! 👐

I'm sorry this sat in my inbox for a time, anon. I... really wasn't sure how to answer it, but I dunno. I guess reaching my wit's end here, I'll speak out a bit.

I also kinda hate I've been encouraged (both by myself and others) to be quiet, but no. Drama shouldn't be silenced if you're the one being directly/ indirectly harassed and stalked.

This is... this is intense. I've never known someone to be this insane before and then have people support said person thinking 'she's a good person deep down'. Yeah, manipulative people are like that. They say and do things to make you believe they don't have a gun ready to shoot and kill somebody that isn't flattering them.

Ignore the stuff below if you don't want drama, but I will eventually post screenshots of all the info I have with timestamps and all anybody needs to see my side of the story in a public google docs.

But please, do NOT go out of your way to flame and harass this person. Just leave them alone. Seriously. That's not what I'm trying to get across with this. This person just wants an engorged ego, and it shows. I'm just explaining my side, because--fuck man. It hurts enough. I've done nothing to you, but you still wanna be this creepy...

For those who don't know or weren't made aware: I was (and still am at times) being stalked by someone who got very, very angry that I wrote a story similar in concepts but vastly different in delivery than their fic. They made it a point in their older fic to spit on anybody who dared write characters a certain way (the loving/powerful Supreme Being was oh so cliché and dumb in her eyes), and then when I came along to basically be identical to her in how I enjoyed writing Demiurge with a human character, I was somehow 'stealing' from her.

That person is—well—I cannot say directly, but you can look in Contract's Chapter 4 reviews to see everything you need to. (And I have that all screenshot on my hard drive as well as her 'bad past' she insisted I deleted because of 'anon hate' she got, so yeah.)

Flames erupted and accusations... all while she was pretending to be my friend and on my side on Tumblr.

It was abhorrent. I was new, dipping my toes into the fandom only to have my first Overlord fic be attacked by her and then have my Amnesia fic have her glare at and say it was a 'spite-fic' (because...only her character can have amnesia/memory problems, I guess??) Which... I have screenshots of my Amnesia fic's origins dating years back when I was very into the game Amnesia: A Dark Decent—Lilyodin's name included—to where she didn't even have her fic(s) posted. 2014, if you want to know the exact year. Hell, Contract's earliest conception is marked on Instagram where I began my comic Dancing with the Devil. Her fic came out in early February 2020 if I remember right. She claims to have begun it on another site, but never tells anybody what that site is called, because… lies. And even then, how would I steal from her when I don’t know where the hell that fic is located to begin with?

She can claim it wasn't her, but the irony is she eventually unbookmarked Contract and, shortly after, I got another flame. The moment I made a vague threat towards her on my Tumblr, she blocked me, ran and tried to approach people she thought could protect her from my more outspoken behavior. When she did this, all flames stopped. (Though, glad to know all I have to do is mark flames as spam, and AO3 deals with it).

She rewrote her story into a ‘reader insert’ though, really, it was her OC Lilith, and then made 40 dummies to boost her numbers. Some of them were ironically made with specific likes around times I was reblogging or answering a specific ask about something on my Tumblr to show she was block circumventing and spying on me. The icing on the cake was her taking anons on my fics and using their usernames on her new fic story to boost her comments and pretend she had my anons. Whenever I would update Contract, I was told she was updating on top of me shortly after—always. I was told by friends she seemed to do this late last year (2020), but I chose to ignore it till earlier 2021 where I caught her doing it... twice (and besides, she confessed that’s what she was doing to a person between us so yeah–she cannot lie her way out of that one). Even as we're now in two different fandoms, she still goes out of her way to unironically update about the times I do, because we (of course) share the same tags. The girl is just... something else. She can claim that's me being paranoid, but given how often she goes out of her way to 'magically do (X) thing' like I do, yeah... how can I NOT be and how can I trust her?

What further made me almost hit the 'fuck you, I'm calling you out’ post was when I wrote to my original Naga story where I put Zul'te. She saw some of the tags, saw the insane boost in kudos and bookmarks, how shocked I was people loved it in one chapter, and she took some of the tags to mirror them. Honestly, she was confused and furious I somehow got tag surfers where Contract was concerned. Seriously, I would say 80% of my readers on Contract aren't Overlord fans, so she tried to mimic what I did to gain that attention too.

All she wants is people's love and support. Nothing else. Her actions there show this. It was... gross. Whatever she can do to try and stay near me like a damn shadow and try to boost her numbers and flatter her ego, she'll do it. (Hell, she's still doing it apparently).

She was warned she's not safe from me—that I do literally have a whole folder full of her nonsense to show my side of the story. From the indirect accusation of me 'stealing from her' before I got the anon accusation on my fic, to her updating on top of me, her dummies, her crappy comments before we told her that wasn't cool to say about people (sad we gotta smack her hand and tell her 'no' before she realizes something isn't cool to do...), the aggressive things she said to the prior writers she tried to chase out, to her tags added to reflect mine, the works.

That was the only thing that has kept her at bay...but only for a few months, and then she was back on her shit, apparently. And, sad to say? That folder is never getting destroyed. She can pray my PC has a malfunction but I got a backup hard drive with those screenshots. It's never going away.

With all of this? I hope to the gods she gets better. I don't know what's going on in her life, but a lot of what she says she is about—I found it all to be fake. She made the trails all too easy. She's not as clever as she thinks she is.

But by god... I want her to just move on and away from me already. I know her constantly mimicking the things I say and do are her trying to take back whatever power she thinks I stole from her, but I stole nothing. If I was inspired by someone or something, I sure as hell am going to tell people. I'm not ashamed of that.

Even in the new fandom she's apart of? I was made aware of that she basically copied my other Tumblr name for a fic of hers... only changing one word, and that's... yeah. Creepy as fuck.

But because of all of this, it made writing to Overlord (Contract and Amnesia especially) very hard. I feel like if I deleted them, she'd be happy and fuck off all ready. But no. I'm never going to give her what she wants.

She's psychopathic, and I don't know why people defend her but. Eh. Whatever.

I've been doing my best not to let her chase me out of what I love doing. That's for damn sure.

I will still write and enjoy Overlord. That'll never stop.

[nellygwyn]

A few weeks ago, certain Tumblr users mocked my ethnicity and then suggested I was a 'professional victim' for being upset at that. They also implied I was bullying and 'systematically' oppressing a white, racist antisemite by openly stating that there was something insanely fucked up about her stalking my Twitter so she and her mate could send screenshots of me being upset about the way my ethnicity had been mocked. I've had a lot of bigotry aimed my way in my time. I even used to lie about my own ethnicity, even mock it, to protect myself. But this was possibly some of the most vicious, twisted shit I have ever witnessed. It started out petty but it turned into a shit-show. That's why I'm still talking about it, especially as one of the people who initially said something insensitive to me was one of my friends, someone I had actually recently helped with some research for her fanfiction.

Today, the UK gov just voted for a bill that criminalises Gypsy, Roma, and Traveller communities from living nomadically. Even those of us who are GRT who DON'T live nomadically find this hostile environment scary.

I said all this because I think there's something rather ironic about it all. Those same users, some who actively participated in mocking me, some who just sat back and watched, are all over posts about Elizabeth Olsen's anti-Romani comments (definitely something we should draw attention to) but seemingly refuse to acknowledge the way they treated an actual living breathing Romani person a month or so ago. You do not have to like me to respect that there is a line you don't cross. When you treat people in the GRT community like this, like they're nothing, like their identity is nothing, like there are no nuances, no power structures that disadvantage them, no reasons for them to be worried, you actively contribute to the kind of environment that continually allows countries to pass these hostile laws, that see the GRT community's traditions threatened, even their lives put at risk. It's performative if you feign concern over something but don't actually abide by that yourself.

I know this is Tumblr and what happened in the UK today is more than that, SO MUCH MORE, but it's probably the case that if you ignore/participate in anti-GRT racism online, you probably do so in real life. I literally feel like the past month or so has just been instance after instance of people suggesting I'm worth less because of who I am, as well as people being totally unconcerned about the GRT community. The difference today is that my government essentially just did that, rather than some 30 year old history blogger with an axe to grind.

[ikipin]

I haven’t been addressing the issue in USA yet so here we go. I’m talking to the other white people right now.

While retweeting information and raving on social media is really good, and one way to spread info, it is not ’activism’ per se, in my opinion. You pressing the retweet button once is not an act of activism, you haven’t done shit yet.

I’ve also seen so much false information, clout chasing and fear mongering going around on twitter, so much so that it is starting to take the focus off the actual movement, the injustice, the pain, anger and suffering of black people.

Tons of people I know and people here where I live (Finland) have been posting the same one screenshot/same picture on social media saying BLM, but I just know it is merely to satisfy their own sense of moral nagging at them.

They post the picture and call it a day, thinking that ”whew, now I’ve done my part” — and when someone accuses them of racism they can just show the receipts saying ”I can’t be racist, I posted this BLM pic back in May, see?”

I think this is not a fight to be fought only on social media but mainly on the streets and with our own daily actions.

As a white privileged person I feel it is also not my place to talk over the black people raising their voices and seeking justice in this situation,

but rather support them from the back by educating myself on the matters, donating funds and signing petitions, voting in elections to make a change in my country, and by actively and aggressively correcting and shutting down any racist behavior I witness within my own community, in my friend group or at my workplace. Speak up against your racist peers or otherwise you are a coward.

And again, sharing things on social media is GOOD, spread this shit like wildfire and raise awareness!!

But I hope everyone who posts about this stuff on social media actually does something to help, and is actively supporting the cause in their daily lives. Actions mean so much more than words. Words without actions mean nothing. [end rant]

Also, my blog is a 100% safe place of everyone regardless of race, religion, sexuality or gender identity. You can take a break here.

Protecting your mental health is so important during these times, and if you get your daily serotonin boost by looking at my drawings, then please do scroll through my art tag and have a moment to relax.

Stay safe fellows, followers, everyone. No justice, no peace. For all lives to matter, black lives should matter first. I’m with you in this fight. ✊🏽✊🏾✊🏿

AN EXTENSIVE LIST OF INFO AND RESOURCES FOR PROTESTERS, SUPPORTERS AND THOSE AFFECTED

EDIT: After overwhelming support received, Minnesota Freedom Fund has asked to donate to other locations!