#when I saw this post I got very excited
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hilarious that with each new day that passes a new bit of dirt from JD Vance's past gets discovered and plastered over the internet...it's almost as if this is why presidential campaigns have always announced their running mates well before the convention...so that if glaring issues with a candidate came to light quickly there would be time to replace them on the ticket before they were officially locked in...it's almost as if certain things in political campaigns were done for a reason, donald...because the very same critical failures had happened before...but no i'm sure you and your guys attempt to recreate a fantasy version of history while ignoring all the reasons that history was a disaster will work this time...because you are built different and the 10000th time trying fascism will work like a charm...
#us politics#politics tw#i view the MAGA movement like this:#the conservatives have been desperately trying to jam a square peg into a round hole for a very long time#and they keep trying because one of these times its GOT to work! a very long time ago they heard the hole was more squarelike#so if they just TRY hard enough it will work!#failing to understand that the hole has become weathered and changed over time and the solution they are trying#will never work (if it ever did)#and then donald trump comes along and looks at the square peg#lobs one of the corners off and proclaims 'this is a triangle! THIS will work! I am so smart!'#and everyone around him is like 'whoa! this guy gets it! he's a genius and understands the problem! he's our savior!'#ignoring the fact that the peg is not a fucking triangle. it's just a deformed square now#so its still not going to work. and even if it WAS a triangle it still wouldn't work because THE HOLE IS ROUND.#it's the same damn peg but it looks a little different so everyone thinks its a genius solution that is DEFINITELY going to work#so they're all excited! they're FINALLY going to prove those idiots trying different types of oval pegs wrong!#they were right all along and it just took donald trump to see it! thank goodness he came along!#but that's just it-- he WAS just COMING ALONG. he was just walking by and saw an opportunity. he never spent time trying to make pegs#all he did was saw a crowd and took a chance to break an already failing peg even further#but because the people were desperate and it was different enough it seemed revolutionary#and now some of the conservatives--who can still see that the 'triangle' peg isnt a triangle are starting to look around#and see that elsewhere there have been some who have forced a triangle into the center of the round hole#and these people think well what if we ACTUALLY tried a real triangle?#and it does not matter to them in the slightest that it will never be the true solution to filling the hole#they just want credit for solving the problem#and so they are going to back donald trump and when the time is right put a real triangle in his hand#while the people trying ovals are busy arguing over the right type of oval#and once the triangle has been jammed into that hole...well...#it is going to be really really hard to force out#anyway thats a long and complicated metaphor and i probably should have just put it in its own post aaaaaahgh#long story short dont be a fascist triangle alright
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Art fight attack on ChaoticEchoes of her character, Archipelago! 🐉🏝️
Formline dragons are really fun, I've found.
#telekitnetic art#formline art#indigenous art#native art#art fight 2024#team seafoam#dragon#this is the first of some randomly selected characters I got off of art fight#I was very excited when I saw this character's color palette to no one's surprise#posting this now might've been a mistake idk if anyone's awake rn. It's almost 12AM for me (hashtag graveyard shift things)
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(˶ᵔ ᵕ ᵔ˶)
#I've had the cutest interaction today#So like yesterday? There was this post I saw on my dash that was like “you want to know extra info about museums? Just befriend a–#guide! That way you can also unlock the Secret Backscene” and I was like. Lmao. Who could ever befriend a museum guide I've never–#even personally met anyone who works at museums?#... Well. Guess what happened today#I was following this guided museum tour with a friend and when the tour came to an end I was happily chatting with her when the guide.#Shyly chimed in and was like “is that an Atsushi keychain?” And I was like !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#And I was like‚‚ omg‚‚‚ Do you happen to know‚‚‚ This one series‚‚‚‚‚‚#And they unsheathed their phone like a fbi distinctive in American movies to show me their fyo/zai background amjdsgawsjda it was SO cute.#They were adorable. And I got so embarassed but trying to keep my cool while internally I was like‚‚‚#Omg the Cool Museum Guide™ is talking with me about my hyperfixation‚‚‚‚‚‚ What is happening#We talked a bit about the manga it was such a nice and sweet exchange. They said they like Dostoyevsky and I was like yeah he's so cool!!!#They said they're sorry about Bram it was REALLY cute (´;ω;`)#I didn't want to hamper them too much so I took my leave shortly after but I'd actually really like to pay visit again–#when the new chapter is out??#Hhhhhhh I don't want to look stalkery and like go look for them on their job. But also like‚ they looked genuinely happy and as excited as–#I was when we were chatting and I believe in the power of human connections through shared hyperfixations#The possibly funnier part is that then my friend went “Wait you're into b/ungo stray dogs??” and like alright. This is less surprising.#I already knew she likes manga.#What actually left me quite baffled was that... She really didn't know I was into b/sd. When it's literally what I think about 24/7#Something very similar happened just a week ago. My friend gifted me a manga volume of a series she really likes for my birthday#But when she was giving it to me she awkwardly went “oh‚ just‚ it features romance between two guys. I hope that's okay with you...”#And I internally had to pause and realize that no.#In fact most of the people I hang out with don't know I spend half my time curating a bl focused blog.#It's just funny in a way? I got so used to concealing my hyperfixations I didn't even realize I actually got quite good at passing–#for someone who is normal about stuff.#random rambles
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Some creatures are more difficult to perceive than others
#Treecko#skitty#dusknoir#chatot#pokemon doodles#original art#context: I’ve said this before but explorers was the very first pokemon game I ever played#I wasn’t watching the anime then so it was also the first time I ever saw a dusknoir#And for whatever reason I just couldn’t quite….comprehend what he was supposed to be#Thought he was some kind of robot until he did his ghostly disappearing act#Definitely a fun game to play when you know nothing about pokemon!#Everything was so new and exciting! And you don’t know what anyone looks like until you meet them!#The other thing in a similar vein was with dialga#I didn’t know what dialga was SUPPOSED to look like so when they’re all talking about how fucked up he is I was like damn#He DOES look pretty fucked up. Some kind of beast#And then after fixing time you see he looks THE SAME except with a palette change#Like oh. i see. That’s just what you look like#Dialga should’ve got a special form tho#Maybe something replacing the steel type with ghost#Bc without time he’s technically not alive#And I read somewhere the steel typing might’ve represented the steady nature of time or something#So with time being stopped it’s not flowing so steadily huh#This wasn’t supposed to be abt dialga tho. Get your own post#ANYWAY dusknoir is a weird looking guy especially when you’re not quite sure what you’re looking at#but he is canonically handsome so do with that what you will
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Royal Horses
@morningstarequestrian's new Baroque Tack Set is absolutely perfect for tacking up the horses from my story save. (which I've been neglecting for the past year+) (Other pieces are from the Medieval Tack Set or the Medieval Round Bridle. The first outfits are from @objuct's Traditional Arabian Set, plus one of my recolors of that set.)
(also obligatory tagging @simgerale because Phillip pics.)
The first two outfits are something I could see being like, a parade outfit, at least for Alena. (Kristopher wouldn't be involved in any parades back in Oryn, I just wanted to test out all my cc.) Especially the version with the tassels isn't practical for just recreational riding, but it certainly looks nice for a parade, and does resemble parade-type outfits.
Alena's 2nd-3rd outfits and Phillip's 2nd-4th outfits are just more general-purpose riding. Two different saddles each and a few different saddle pads for Phillip.
Phillip's 5th outfit and Alena's 4th and 5th are potentially more of long-distance setups. Maybe like some kind of tour, where Fallon would be riding for long distances, but still want to look formal / be seen by people. (Again, not really something Kristopher and Phillip would have been doing, but it looked good on him and I wanted to test stuff out.) Alena has a second variation because technically white isn't one of Anvia's royal colors, but black is, so if it was a public event, she might tack in black. Especially as that would show less wear and dirt than the white for long travel.
The last pic is a blanket for Phillip because it gets cold in Oryn, especially in the winter and late fall/early spring. Alena doesn't really need a blanket most of the time, since Anvia's winters are much milder. (They don't often get snow, and when they do it's rarely more than an inch or two at a time.)
#ts4#the sims 4#sims 4 CAS#ts4 CAS#adventures in cas#cas#ts4 horses#sims 4 horses#*rtq extras#rtq: Alena#rtq: Phillip#yes they get their own tags.#ugh I miss posting RTQ/ATQH. I love that story and I would REALLY love to get back to it someday.#but I kind of got stuck and I haven't written ANYTHING in over a year aside from rewrites of dnd sessions and character backstories.#so... yeah.#I miss it so much though. It means the world to me.#anyways. if you read under the cut my rambling about the outfits ily.#I know a lot of these are very similar outfits but they are all fitting a certain style.#the tack in this world generally does look like more or less like this at least in Anvia and Oryn. Orain is more... decorative at times.#but I mean. It's Oraine. When are they NOT overly decorative.#I've been so excited for this tack set since I saw the preview posted MONTHS ago and I was THRILLED that it got released today.#SO much fun to tack up these two.#I don't really have any other horses made so these two got to be the guinea pigs.#and they rocked it.
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/ I've noticed that at this point I'm not even writing on any blog anymore, I just come and yell about some blorbo and leave. Rinse and repeat my lieges
#;ooc#ooc#me: -sleeps-#also me: -SUDDENLY JOLTS BACK AWAKE- I haven't expressed my love for x in some time#/usually i would feel pretty guilty about this! but lately i've been zoning out in the sense of just vibing#/im not dropping writting; im just doing something else ! when i feel the inspiration i'll drop by#would like that to come soon; i do miss writting hehe#the power a blorbo can have on a person can be a very profound and moving energy truly-#recently one of my 8376733 m.octezuma fanarts got reblobbed from some artists from aaaall across to japan and#it made me feel so giddy like!!!! no way you also like this one character that isnt even on the game!?#i haven't seen other artists being obsessed over him! he's kind of forgotten in the lb cast; it was so fun reblobbing each other's posts!#we may have a language barrier but we all love m.octe and i find that to be a lil heartwarming moment#it made me thonk;; there are so many ways to bond with people; of connecting in general#even without speaking to someone directly; there is a bond there#like i knew this existed; but experiencing it again makes u go like waow! im not alone ! not in at least one (1) way!#that there are other people out there in this big big world that would enthusiastically talk to you about the same fictional character you-#like; with a lot of love and interest#i've seen people making their own t.ezca and d.aybit plushies and putting them in cute lil clothes#or people posting about museums they got interested on visiting bc they've done a collab with f.go#its all very cute to me#its like the same energy i saw from this tktk where two girls randomly met on the street#and saw that they both had the same ita bag and they got all happy and started laughing together#or that time i was selling my stickers and someone came in and said how glad they were to find h.ypmic stuff!#if hy.pmic is quite niche nowadays; its even more from where i live!#or how excited i get if i meet someone who also plays id.v#its all a cycle of fangirling; pure joy; connections are so important!#important to know that whatever you are facing; that no matter how 'weird' you think you might be; there are a lot of people out there that#are like you and me; and its also why i like roleplaying#its like we all pull our blorbos and talk about them and get excited about it all like dolls#the sweet thing about rping is precisely the part where u connect with others
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Nephew 2 finally acquired; Nephews 1 & 3 will probably have to be ebay purchases but green Dewey appears to have been well-loved and now he will continue to be loved
#If you’re wonder Huey is blue and Louie is red#I was so excited when I saw him at a woman’s booth#I’ll post the rest of the stuff when I get back but I’m very happy with the new editions to the duck collection#dewey duck#disney ducks#plushies#adding that apparently the Disney LAND version got the colors right and that it’s the Disney WORLD ones that are wrong#cause I found a red huey on ebay with the disneyland tag
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Have any of the other Links seen Legend pull on his feathers? If so how did they react to seeing it for the first time? Also if they do know that he pulls when upset do they try getting his mind somewhere else like Warriors teasing him or the others allowing him to preen them?
Hello my friend! Excellent question! The answer is yes, everyone in the group has seen Legend pull at his feathers at LEAST once because it's kind of second nature to him now. Now the level of extremity they've seen of his plucking does vary between different Links however. For example, Time and Sky are the main ones who see him when he's REALLY bad to the point where he needs physical intervention because he's literally shaking and bleeding from it, whereas the younger members like Wind and Four usually only ever really see the "fidgeting" side of it.
You can basically compare his everyday feather fiddling as the equivalent of somebody biting their fingernails or repeatedly picking at a scab wound. It's usually not too bad, and it's a minor inconvenience at worst, but the severity of it can change depending on circumstances and can become a real problem if left alone.
As for how the others reacted to seeing his plucking for the first time, it actually wasn't that exciting or significant of an experience! The only one who was really concerned from the beginning was our resident bird lover Sky, mainly because he's had experience in seeing how that behavior can escalate into a real problem in both Loftwings and Hylians alike.
Now this is not to shame or underestimate the observational and emotional skills of the other Links by any means! In their defense, when they first saw Legend fiddling with his feathers it seemed to be a very casual, normal experience for him and they genuinely saw no harm in it. Again, it's like watching somebody absentmindedly biting their fingernails or picking at a scab. You don't usually put much thought into it.
However, once they witnessed his first really bad "episode" since joining the group, their opinions regarding the matter completely changed. Now, whenever the others start to notice him spiraling, they often act in many of the ways you listed! Whether they're teasing him or simply offering to spar with him, their ultimate goal is to distract him and keep his mind and hands busy. Any other efforts such as forcibly trying to make him rest or forcing him to talk about it usually just results in more yelling and fighting than actually helping, so they try to focus their efforts more on distraction rather than confrontation. This has resulted in many preening sessions that were...harsher than they needed to be and resulted in a lot more discomfort rather than actual helping, but the others are more than happy to make those sacrifices for their brother.
Anyways, I just wanted to say thank you again for all of your questions!!! I'm always more than happy to go into more detail if you have any further questions or theories! :D
#winged au#LUWAU#Linked Universe: Winged AU#linked universe#linkeduniverse#loz#loz link#legend of zelda#lu legend#AHHHH!!! Thank you again for your questions friend!!!#I got so excited when I saw the notification because my greatest passions are my boys birds and making my favorites suffer#I could've gone on but realized that the length of my post was getting out of control again lol#Contrary to popular belief I do in fact have some self control when it comes to rambling#I just don't use that skill very often as seen by the majority of my posts#Anyways#That's irrelevant#But I hope this response was able to answer all your questions friend! :D
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a form of representation (?) i feel doesn't get acknowledged enough is when female characters wear suits. like, standard Suit And Tie type deals. not the more socially acceptable feminized suits w high heels and form-fitting blazers and buttoned-down blouses w necklaces
#eliot posts#just remembered earlier my friend telling me how excited his younger sister was to see catra in a suit#and how i ALSO got excited when i saw that#and how i got excited to see eda in a suit in grom#(and skara in a suit in the background)#(and kinda luz in that suit-dress combo which yes was more feminine than a regular suit but not in the normal way so is cool)#anyway yeah shoutout to spop and toh#for makin their gals wear the clothes my parents yelled at me for wearing#i hope seeing that makes some little kids feel a little less alone...#oh also! was not a suit but seeing wolf from kataow refuse to wear a dress during formal occasions was refreshing as well#but yeah this is like. it's kinda abt gnc girls/women but kind of a very specific thing like#gender nonconformity in formal (rather than casual) settings#WAIT HOW COULD I FORGET PEARL CROM STEVEN UNIVERSE
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Saw your posts about your tma hlvrai au and it seems really interesting! I have my own thoughts on what characters fit each entity. I think Tommy's an Eye avatar rather than a Lonely, he's literally read all of Wikipedia, reads entire OSHA guidelines and only does what he reads in books. Plus he can "see faster." I could see why someone would think he's Lonely because he's an orphan but Eye seems the better choice. Desolation is a good choice for Bubby, but I raise you, Extinction Bubby. I headcanon that the Extinction doesn't choose avatars, but creates avatars because the Extinction is about fear of self made destruction and replacement of humanity. Creating an artifical perfect scientist and having it backfire is very Extinction-aligned in my opinion. Also, he likes nuclear waste. I personally believe Coomer's is Vast. He went into the void and had an existential crisis after finding out his insignificant in the world and I think that eclipses the Flesh body modifications aspects. I agree with your Slaughter Gordon and Spiral Benrey. I haven't thought of what entity Forzen is so I'll accept Hunt. I don't know why you thought Darnold is Corruption, he doesn't have any bugs or disease connections and I don't really see the toxic relationships aspect either (I personally think he's Flesh because of the fingernail-handgun potion). Thoughts?
HI HI! thank you for your ask and for indulging me in my Autism. let me explain my fanon nonsense.
going in order,
i see tommy as an avatar of the lonely because a big part of his narrative (the one i wrote lol) is being deserted by his dad. his dad is an avatar of the eye from the beginning, naturally, resulting in a need to, oh y'know, experiment on his son. learn more about the fears with government-funded isolation to make the perfect avatar. the eye has a stake on tommy in this au, yes (in my notes i have it written as "Avatar of the Lonely [Possible secondary: Eye]"), but the lonely won in the end. the turning point for all the avatars is something i call the Fear Cascade/FearCas (this au's rescas), which turned those marked by a domain into avatars. pretty much everyone but gordon and benrey, the former becoming an avatar later and the latter becoming one before. i still like tommy as an avatar of the eye so he has some passive traits of one, but lonely is the primary.
extinction bubby is great! i had to go with desolation because of the whole fire motif, but also pain. lots of pain. he's a tube baby, a guy who was experimented on relentlessly. He's Afraid Of Pain.
i considered coomer for vast! it was my friend who suggested flesh!coomer, he's just such a dimensional character that i had to pick one aspect of his to focus on. i decided to focus on the prosthetics. they're unnatural and gross and scary but they benefit him. plus the whole clone thing (which i replaced with stranger avatars with a vendetta) and wanting to climb inside of gordon to wear as a skin suit was pretty fleshy to me.
hunt forzen was another suggestion from my friend! a good chunk of the military/hecu (and by that i mean, Most Of Them) are hunt avatars because of the need for the chase. that or slaughter, but a lot of military propaganda revolves around this invisible enemy you have to track down and defeat, some goal that is always on the horizon and only accessible if you work for it.
now as for darnold, you'll have to pardon the projection. i made this au about two years ago and i started it via rp, evolving from there. darnold is a character who only has about 15 minutes of screentime and no character development, so i filled in the gaps with a shitload of lore and ocs. the corruption (at least, my original reason for making darnold an avatar of it), is because of the potions darnold makes. i made him a mushroomy guy with bugs and the like so he uses these mushrooms as ingredients, harnessing the corruption and using it to his advantage. spoilers: darnold doesn't stay just an avatar of the corruption. eye is their secondary, and eventually, they get marked by all fifteen (including extinction). this is very plot relevant. give me a year or two to make it into a fanfiction because i am actively working on it lol. OH AND. catholic guilt. i gave the funny science guy catholic guilt. it's also relevant.
tldr; i made this au a fucking while ago and some of choices have not aged well, but i am sticking by them because i've gone This Far and, despite me working on rewriting it into fanfiction format (as it was originally made for rp), i am sticking to my gut and keeping the hoard of fanon/headcanons/ocs i have made for this universe For Funsies.
thank.
#veil's hlvrai tma au#hlvrai aus#hlvrai#veil postin#theres a lot of lore i didnt include but this post was already lengthy lol#thanks for the ask! i got very excited and also defensive when i saw it LMAO /lh
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Sometimes I think about how even when I'm trying not to be, I am entirely made of the people I love. I recently reconnected with a close friend I hadn't seen in about three years. Apparently they're into watching video essays now. I'm more of a gaming YouTube person, but to each their own, I've always known this friend to be a touch more academic than me anyway. Fair enough. We find other things to talk about.
It is two months later. My watch later list is entirely filled with video essays. Three years is not enough time to forget how to love somebody. I'm glad of that.
#voidrambles#how to explain. it's like#i don't know when to hug or how hard and direct complements make me uneasy and i just#affection in the way most people know it does not come naturally to me#i do it because it's detectable to other people and it's what they do for me and it makes them happy which makes me happy#which makes me sound quite disingenuous? i think that's the word. with my love#but#the games i play most are ones i saw one friend get very very excited about and i loved them before i even started playing them#i haven't thought twice about deep sea creatures since maybe middle school but i do now,all the time,and bugs too#i get excited when i see one because another of my friends would#in 2021 i made this one specific vanilla milk drink in the microwave dozens of times even though I don't like sweet vanilla that much#it tasted so good to me for the time i was close with the person i got the recipe from#i get excited when i see yellow flowers. yellow is not one of my favourite colours#I write because of all the things I've read and loved I keep a list of books friends speak highly of#I cook my pasta with oil even though it makes the pot harder to wash and i don't know if there's a difference to the taste#because i can't tell it apart from the warmth of someone else's proudly given tip joining my own routine#i don't know how else to say this#I'm running out of examples not because there are no more but because i can't tell them apart from things i am on my own#that used to upset me but i don't think it does anymore#this post stops here. it's late and i have a video essay to watch#i love you
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put my jammie dodger earrings in
#ive got battenburg ones as well#got very excited when i saw they were silver plated. i can't wear most novelty earrings bc im allergic to the metals#my post
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pictured: banner 69, featuring dimitri and claude, and the third wheel placed by edelgard because she was sick of third wheeling their kissing
don’t tell me they aren’t kissing, bc they were kissing here too
#DCB Comments#DimiClaude#i meant to post this earlier and forgot... like usual lol#edelgard definitely tricked lysithea into thinking she'd get sweets on this banner#but rly she was trying to get someone else to be there instead of making it a three lords banner#bc every time it's a three lords banner she has to Put Up With Them#as soon as she saw the banner number she immediately went to lysithea about it#listen me and edelgard don't just make this stuff up. intsys just leaves the evidence behind constantly#and they make no effort to cover up their tracks so it's not like we can't find the proof#also mind you unfortunately for lysithea claude is not concerned with teasing her with dimitri around#he teases her but when she gets all feisty about it dimitri calms her down very politely and kindly#and lysithea is nice to him in response. and when she's nice about it! dimitri offers to buy her sweets!#and don't tell me this isn't EXACTLY what happened all week on this banner bc dimitri tricked ash into getting sweets from him too#he gets lysithea to put up with claude with sweets! claude in response is very excited bc he can keep teasing!#edelgard got lucky that this worked out better than she expected bc she's now hoping lysithea will always#be their third wheel and put up with Their Kissing#and I KNOW they're kissing bc these are the same versions that were ~away from the castle for some time~ alone together#mind you it wasn't just some time it was QUITE some time so that was a goddamn MAKEOUT#that was a date and a makeout so i know exactly what's happening okay i know i really do know these things :)#DCB Heroes Stuff
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I find it weird when ppl act like things like having used blackboards+whiteboards and the big chunky tvs r experiences only 90s kids and before would know,, like?? Hi???
#sep talks#I'm still a minor and I had one of those boxy tvs growing up!!#we had 2 of them actually. Not at the same time it's just the first one broke so we got another#I remember getting smartboards in school!!!!! I remember how exciting it was!! I remember how calibrating them was So Fun#and none of those smartboards actually have pens anymore so they're less useful than a whiteboard abdjfnjdnd#my classrooms didn't have laptops until i was maybe 12 and even then it was a Massive Privilege to get to use them#and like. As far as I can tell these r all common experiences among ppl I know irl my age#so I think it's perhaps very american to act like that stuff isnt smth anyone younger than 20 would know abt#idk. It always kind of annoys me when I see a post like this#acting like stuff like 'slightly older tvs' and 'not having laptops in the classroom' r things only 90s kids experienced#some of us weren't american!! Some of us went to schools with shitty funding!!! Some of our families didn't have much money!!!!#me and my mum both have the exact same childhood memory of the teachers bringing out the big clunky tv#on the wheeled stand#and it being a Massive treat (even tho we were watching School Stuff)#anyway yeah. Saw a post. I think it's stupid
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the western Barbie movie doll is already sold out on Mattel creations 😭
rip. hope she gets restocked.
#my posts#barbie#please she is so cool…#I don’t care for the pink plaid standard movie Barbie#but I LOVE the blue outfit doll and I got her. was really excited when I saw there was a western outfit one but was very sad that it was#sold out#also. can we talk about the price of the fashion packs man?#I get 50 for the dolls. it’s a bit of a movie markup but I get it#but for just some outfits. girl.#I think it’d be more chill about it if I didn’t think they were adorable and thus did not crave them lmao
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When I was working at the sex shop I was pulling poverty wages. I loved my job but I was on food stamps and still barely getting by. When they hired the stores first male employee and he started at my pay rate after I’d been there for three years I quit.
I was initially really nervous when I saw the post for the mattress job. It listed a pay scale that I couldn’t even conceptualize and I appeared qualified. When I got an interview I was over the moon but also petrified. Reactions to my line of work often varied but most people were very embarrassed or skeptical. I worried about how I’d address it in the actual interview.
I lived far to the north of their headquarters and drove almost two hours to get there. When I finally arrived it was in the nicest thrift store clothes I could find, but I shrank inside to see a room full of older white men in nice suits waiting to be interviewed for the same job.
Why did I bother? I was decades younger than anyone else in the room, shabbily dressed, and I suspected I was the only afab person in the entire building. I stewed in my insecurities until I was called in.
The second I met my interviewer I was instantly put at ease. The man had the energy of a therapy dog, he was abound with positive, good natured energy. He was also incredibly beautiful. I grinned back at his welcoming smile as we said our pleasantries. But still. This very beautiful polished man seemed very innocent. How would the sex shop question go?
“I see here you worked at STORE?”
“Yes,” I said hesitantly.
“And that was sales? Or you just rang people up.”
“No, it was sales. I’d help people find products, we were encouraged to upsell, there was sales spiffs, and most importantly we educated customers on products to help them find what they liked best.”
He grinned approvingly and asked, “Can you give me an example of a time you successfully upsold a customer?”
I paused, wringing my hands before I asked, “How vague would you like me to be…?”
“Not at all!” He assured me. “Go for it!”
“Well. A man came in looking for something to make his fingers vibrate so when he was touching his wife it would enhance that sensation. We had cheap $10 cockrings that I showed him first. But we had a rechargeable waterproof one made of nicer material, and after I showed him a demo he bought that one.”
“How much was that one?”
“$110”
“Wow! You had an upsell of 100% from what he came in looking for! That’s incredible!”
He was so truly genuinely stoked and not at all embarrassed that for the first time I saw a tiny glimmer of a future where I didn’t have ramen and peanut butter tiding me over between paychecks.
He asked me to wait then came back to tell me he liked me so much that he wanted to send me right into another interview, if that was okay. He didn’t want me to have to drive back later, it was terribly considerate and exciting. I beamed and told him it would be lovely.
I then had the second worst interview I’ve ever had. The worst goes to the time I applied to be a store manager for a pet food place years later. The district and store manager interviewing me passed notes and texted while I was speaking. When the district manager called to inform me I didn’t get the job I told him I’d never have accepted anyway because I’d never had such a disrespectful interview.
The new man sitting behind the desk radiated an aura of a brick wall. As someone with anxiety I’m highly keyed into the emotional states of people I’m talking to. To receive no feedback at all was my personal hell. After a perfunctory greeting he asked me with no inflection to sell him a pen.
I gathered the shreds of my courage and attempted the Herculean task he’d set me. Through my whole improvised spiel he resisted all attempts at engaging him, regarding me with a cold apathy as I touted the benefits of my fictitious pen.
Halfway through I broke into a cold sweat. My smile didn’t waver but it grew strained as I projected friendliness and warmth into the black hole of his heart. My thoughts scattered and my sales pitch grew redundant in the face of his nothingness. I finally concluded with a hard close and he simply nodded.
He glanced at my resume and commented, “You didn’t ask me to touch or hold it. Though I suppose I can understand from your previous line of work why you wouldn’t.” I shriveled and died inside knowing that I encouraged people to touch dildos all day long and had been too frazzled to offer him the pen.
He bid me a cool farewell. I made it to my car before I started sobbing. I had never been so rattled. I couldn’t understand what I’d done to make him so unfriendly or if my threadbare clothes were what had made him treat me like dirt. I drove an hour and a half to get home, weeping intermittently.
I was therefore taken by complete surprise to receive a call the next day inviting me on board for their five week training program. The first man who’d interviewed me gushed on the phone about how the second guy had loved me and that I was going to be fantastic.
I was in shock. When I showed up to training the second interviewer was charming my new classmates, beaming and laughing. He was an utterly different person. To my dismay I learned he was the trainer for my district and would be my point of contact if I made it through training.
He joked with me later that his interview facade was just a tactic to see how people held up under pressure and I filed him into a category of my deepest enmity. I never forgave him for how small he made me feel that day, but I never showed him the depths of my fury.
I aced every test and went on to be valedictorian of the eight people who had survived the rigorous training process to earn a sales position. When I got my first paycheck I bought myself new clothes, the first non-thrifted things I’d owned in years.
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