#whatever happened to writing from experience? and you cannot no matter how hard you try fully separate yourself from your art

[therevengeoffrankenstein]

if any of my fanfics get published at least i can rest assured that i didn't post any of the original versions so nobody can know 100% sure for real just what my original intent was 😇

[imdeadinsidesiriuslydead]

~Cracked Mask~ pt.2

Jason Todd x fem!reader

pt. 2 to the this

Minors! Don’t! Read! This! You have been warned!

warnings: cursing (I mean it’s Jason Todd so), feelings, miscommunication, frustration. Also smut?!? Maybe?!? Read and find out 😏😘

a/n: I really didn’t expect people to like the part 1 cause I kinda rushed through the ending. But I don’t see any angsty Jason fics that show his more awkward side and thought I would just have to write it myself. So enjoy.

—-

When you got back to the manor and took a shower you cried.

You didn’t cry cause Jason regret it. I mean you regretted it too. You cried cause you embarrassed yourself in front of your teammate.

You cried cause you had to look Batman, Thee Batman, in the eye and say you failed. You’ve never felt more embarrassed.

You got out of the shower and we’re heading back to your room when Barbara came wheeling over to you.

You put on a fake smile and greeted her as normal.

“what’s up?” You ask.

“what’s up with me? What’s up with you? Ever since getting back from that mission you’ve seemed off.” She said in a kind voice.

“I’m just-“ you swallowed “embarrassed that I failed my first mission with Batman there.” You said quietly.

This wasn’t just patrol, this was a real life big mission and you fail cause you were hit with sex pollen, which you are still trying to wrap your head around on why Poison ivy used that on you.

Barbara gave you a sympathetic look. “Don’t beat yourself up about it. Poison Ivy is tough. I didn’t take her down my first few tries.” She smiled.

“Really?” You asked. You had grown up with a poster of batgirl on your wall. You idolized her. She was your hero. It’s hard to think she ever failed when all the girl power posters made her seem untouchable.

“Oh yea.” She laughed. “One time Riddler knocked me out my first time fighting him.” She laughed remembering the good ole days. “Can you believe it? Riddler. He’s so scrawny!”

you laughed along with her and as you settled down she gave you a look.

“The first few missions by yourself won’t be perfect. You have to learn how to hold your own in a fight without Batman being there for backup. No one said it would be easy. But you get better by trail and error. You have to get real world experience of fighting the criminals one on one to be able to stop them. You’ll get it next time” she smiled.

You smiled back at her as your mind drifted back to the mission. It was cut short cause of the pollen.

that stupid fucking pollen.

If you had landed correctly on your fall, you wouldn’t have been affected by the pollen. You wouldn’t have desperately asked Jason to make you cu-

“Y/N. Did anything else happen on this mission?” She asked softly. “Did Jason say anything or do anything that should concern me?”

“No!” You reply almost too quickly. “No, the mission was my fault. He didn’t do anything.”

“okay.” She replied. But as she watched you walk back to your room her gut told her something was wrong. She had to ask Jason, she could always read him and get him to fess up.

———

Barbara sawed out Jason in the Library. He usually came in here to read or hide from Dick. She found him sitting on the couch reading “Pride and prejudice”

“Jace, I have a bone to pick with you.” She stated sternly, wheeling towards Jason.

“Can it wait? I’m at my favorite part.” He says not looking up.

“No it cannot. And you have read that book a thousand times since freshman year.” She says as she moves herself to sit on the couch.

“Jeez. What’yd do to piss off Bruce this time.” He laughed. But as Babs stared him down he stopped laughing.

“I’m here to talk about Y/N.” She states matter of factly.

Jason’s face falls.

Barbara sighs. “I don’t know what happened on the mission, and I’m not asking for you to tell me.” Jason sighs in relief. “But that does not mean that I’m going to let Y/N torture herself with overthink every single detail of the mission. Whatever happened between you two, you need to talk it out. Y/N’s working herself up over whatever happened.”

Jason looked away from her and grimaced.

“Look. Jace, I know you hate talking about feelings and everything but, to work as a team you need to be able to communicate. Y/N just wants to feel apart of this team. But it will always be blocked if you don’t fix whatever happened.” Barbara never breaks eye contact, showing her seriousness.

“Fine.” He says annoyed. “I’ll go talk about my feelings and apologize.” He gets up and walks to the door.

“You got this Jason!” Barbara laughs as Jason flicks her off.

——���

Y/N was sitting on her bed folding laundry when she heard a knock on her door.

“Come in!” Jason walks through the door and awkwardly stands by it. Y/N looks up from her neatly folded clothes to see the last person she wanted to see right now.

“Do you need something?” Y/N asked trying really hard to maintain eye contact and act as if it was a normal conversation.

“We need to talk.” Jason states looking anywhere but her face. “I know your upset that we failed-“ he nervously played with his fingers.

“We don’t need to.” You say turning back to your laundry.

“Yes, yes we do. I need to explain my-“ he explained nervously

“Nope. No. I get it. I was in pain. I asked a question and put you on the spot. It all happened fast after you sniffed the pollen too. It makes you impulsive in your decisions and your-“ you swallowed “your words. I don’t need to hold you accountable for what you said. I-“

“Oh,You mean when I said I wanted you under me since you got here?” Jason cut you off. He seemed to have gotten what you were implying. “Wait you’re upset because you think I lied?”he asked, his face turning almost smug. He had a new found confidence all of a sudden. You were taken aback by the switch.

you froze. You waited for it, for the rejection. You felt tears brim your eyes as you were about to be subject to embarrassment.

“You asked me to help you, how could I not.” You felt a tear start to slip. “I couldn’t say no when you were begging so pretty for me.”

You felt like the wind had got knocked out of your lungs.

“The pollen doesn’t make you lie. The pollen makes you horny to a point of pain. It didn’t make me forcibly dry hump you.” You blushed at the crudeness of his words.

you felt his presence behind you. “I don’t know. I thought you were hot before, but when you were laying there begging for me”

he leaned closer, you could feel his breath on your neck. “I got so hard. Your blushing cheeks and wide eyes, that tight suit of yours. I just couldn’t help myself.” He whispers in your ear.

You could feel your wetness pooling in your panties. You skin felt on fire as his lips gently caressed your neck. You subconsciously leaned back into him.

“I didn’t lie. I wanted you under me since the second you walked through the door.” You felt his hand caress the side of your waist as he spoke. “ and I won’t lie now, I want you under me again, if you’ll have me,” he spoke as he removed his lips from your neck.

You turned around to face him. He looked so perfect. His hair slightly messy with the white tuff hanging in his face, his pink cheeks and eyes clouded by lust.

“I thought I had forced your hand. I thought you regretted it.” You said in a breathless daze.

“I regret I didn’t do it properly. With an introduction, date, and a romantic gesture but there was no time for that when you were in pain.” He said.

you got a mischievous glint in your eye as you looked up at him. “Well if you could restart, how would you have done it?” You ask.

“Well i start it with the simplest thing. The truth.” He had a charming smile on his face, all lust removed. “I like you, would you want to go out with me?” He asked.

“yes.” You said with a giggle. “Then what?”

Y/N watched his face contort to something more sinister. “I’d take you home, after the first few dates, and turn on so music.” He said with his seductive charm.

You turned around and pressed your back to his chest. “Then what?” You asked teasingly.

“Then we start our slow. Kissing you first, letting my hands explore your body.” He whispered as his lips returned to your neck. His hands slowly caressing your sides.

You breathed in a gasp.

“Then I’d lay you down and play with you.” He said as one hand made its way down your pants and the other went up to your chest.

He left wet open mouth kisses on your neck has his right hand slid underneath your waistband. He massaged your core through your panties and let out a moan in you ear.

You whined as you felt him rub your clit through the fabric. You wiggled your hips against his crotch, feeling his boner press into your lower back. His big frame engulfed you as he moved his arms around you.

He started kneeling your breast in his hand as his other slipped into your underwear and slid through your folds.

He groaned in your ear “so wet for me.”

you moaned as you felt a single finger enter you, and slowly pull out before entering again.

You moved your hand behind you and grabbed his bulge. He moaned in your ear before he removed your hand.

“Not right now, this is about you.” He said as he spun you around to face him before leaning in and kissing you.

His kiss was soft, like before on the rooftop but now, filled with so much need. He moaned against you lips and pushed you on the bed, knocking over the neat pile of folded laundry. He pulled away and smiled nervously “Sorry. I’ll fix that later.” He said before quickly kissing you again.

He slotted his hips between you legs and you felt his hard dick press against your thigh. He pulled at the end of your shirt before pulling back and looking in your eyes.

“May I?” He asked.

“Please.” You said breathlessly.

He smirked and took you shirt off. He started kissing down your neck and chest before unhooking your bra.

He looked at your bare breasts and moaned before kissing and sucking down them.

You moaned as he took them in his mouth. And grabbed his hair, tugging. He groaned against you skin sending divers down your spine.

his kisses get lower and lower until he is right above your waistband. He pulls your pants down and returns his attention back your clit. Rubbing as he watches in awe.

He looks you in the eye before moving to mouth at your clit through your panties. You moan again and grab his hair causing him the groan. The vibrations going straight to your clit.

“Fuck Jason.” You breath as he slowly pulls you panties down before spreading your legs open.

“Such a pretty pussy all wet for me.” He said as he slides his fingers through your wet folds.

“Jason please.” You beg.

“Please what?” He teases.

“Please eat me out!” You ask while looking him in the eye.

His facade falls for a second. His wide eyes and blushing cheeks giving away his own nervousness before he smiles his charming smile again.

“You don’t have to ask me twice.” He said before he leans down and immediately attaches his mouth to your clit.

He starts to eat you out like a starved man, and all you could do was moan. You gripped his hair occasionally tugging to feel him moan against your heat.

soon you were bucking your hips against his face begging him to go faster. He flicks his younger harder before replacing his younger with his fingers and rubbing your clit faster and harder.

the pressure almost made you cum in the spot but Jason had other plans.

He pulled away causing you to whine pathetically. He laughed before removing his shirt.

he quickly stripped to just his boxers

“Oh I was right. His did have rock hard abs.” You thought as you openly stared at his chest.

He had a scar that went down his abdomen and across his shoulder and chest. He was ripped and had a hard v line leading to his hard cock trapped in his boxer briefs.

“Jeez you’re hot.” You say before realizing what you said.

Jason blushed and laughed. “ I should be saying the same thing to you.” He smiled before leaning back over you.

His large frame and arms cages around your head and you ran you hands down his chest, feeling the ripples underneath your fingertips. You made eye contact as your hands landed on his dick, and squeezed.

He whimpered again. The whimper you remembered from the rooftop. The same whimper you have thought of we you had your hand down your pants last night.

He pulled his cock out and you stared in shock. He was so much bigger than you excepted. But you drooled at the thought of it inside you.

He rubbed the head against your heat, gathering wetness before positioning the top at your entrance.

“Are you sure?” He asked looking into your eyes with the most sincerity.

“Yes, Jason. Please I want you to fuck me.” You said as you slide you hand down to where your bodies meet. You start to play with your clit.

Jason sucks in a breath. “Fuck.” He breath before pushing in.

It hurt at first but Jason paused half way through to let you adjust.

Once he was all the way in, he slowly pulled out before pushing back in, starting a slow rhythm.

You moan and wrapped you arms around his middle, gripping on to whatever skin you fingers could find.

He started picking up pace and moved his head to suck on your nipple again. His hand that was t holding him up, falling down to where your bodies are joined, rubbing circles on your clit.

Everything was too much for you. “I’m gonna cum!” You moan as you squirted on his cock.

He moan at the sensation before ducking into you faster. “You look so gorgeous when you cum. Ohmyfuckinggod…” he said as he quickly pulls out and shoots his cum on your stomach.

He collapses on top of you and kisses you hard.

“Im sorry for making you feel like shit these past few days.” He says breathlessly.

“It all ok now” you say as he looks up and smiles at you. He hugs you and pulls you into his chest.

“I’m gonna take you on a proper date though.”

“I don’t doubt it.” You say as you eyes get heavy———

Bonus:

“For fuck sake Jason, when I said make up, I didn’t me make out. I didn’t have to hear the bed shaking all the way from down the hall!” Barbara yelled as Jason walked out of your room later.

——————/-

requests are open!

taglist:

@igotanidea

@princessbl0ss0m

[lovecolibri]

Being upset is so valid, I know it’s just a show but WHATEVER, you should allow yourself to feel what you feel! And you should also be allowed to have opinions and share them on your blog lmao I’ll be honest, I have several friends irl who watch 911 and ship buddie and we aallll cannot stand this show anymore lmao and it’s very liberating to be able to speak your mind. Sadly fandom, especially Tumblr for some reason, seems to be hellbent on making passive aggressive comments on people who don’t like what they like? I totally agree with you, if people enjoy it good for them, I’m not gonna make posts about how you have to be stupid to like it cause I don’t think that’s the case?? We are just looking for different things in a show and that’s okay! However I am a blocking machine cause I don’t see the point in reading takes that are so different from mine 😂 but it is very frustrating that any negative comment needs to be censured or you become the devil and also you are not capable of understanding long form of media and also you should stop watching the show hskshdk I have stopped watching the show and I still like to check what happened and I still like to complain, what can you do about it 😂 anyway I hope you’re okay, and take care of yourself! I remember when Roswell made me soooo mad and I had to deal with it alone and it sucked 😔 and you don’t have to publish this if you don’t want to, I don’t mean to create drama or anything, just wanted to be supportive 😂

Hey, thanks Nonnie! I think for a lot of people (I'm for sure one of them, yay neurodivergency), when you find something that's a source of serotonin, it can be QUITE the crash when it stops, and no matter how low your expectations, if you struggle with emotional regulation, the rollercoaster can be rough. Curating your experience is a MUST, and knowing how to manage when your brain tries to get the best of you is also a must! Sometimes that means commiserating with others who are also unhappy (NOT going into the inboxes of people who clearly disagree with you. stop that), sometimes it means logging off and doing something else, sometimes it means reading or writing fic or making content that makes you happy about the thing, sometimes it means not looking at ANYTHING about the thing. At the end of the day, we're all just trying to do what works for us.

As a survivor of RNM, I thought I could handle this but I think RNM got SO bad SO fast that it was always a lot of "here are 3 good things that people will make AMAZING fics/metas/content about and 85 things you will need to ignore or you will start seething with rage". Where as 911 was so consistent for so long that watching it struggle so hard (across the board, not just with Buddie, though that seems to get the brunt of it on the "nearly unwatchable" scale whereas other stuff is more "meh. they could have done this better") has been really rough because there is already so much love for the show built up and we have SEEN what it can be when it's at it's very best. And disliking certain arcs or story choices doesn't necessarily mean throwing the whole show out! There are LOTS of things I love about this show, and I'm not at the point for me where I'm ready to let the show go and I've never really understood the "don't like, don't watch" attitude every time anyone brings up a single complaint. It seems very "you HAVE to love every single thing and choice or you can't watch the show" when most people have things they both like and dislike about pretty much everything! It's okay to not like every single choice! (though if you legit find nothing to enjoy about a thing then it's maybe not for you and that's okay!)

Thanks for checking in! I have a lot of other stuff going on right now so it's very much like "why is this the thing we are focusing on, brain? Why are we allowing ourselves to feel like this? It's a show??" but hey! Sometimes our brains do whatever TF they want and we just gotta manage as best we can. At on the bright side, tumblr has filters! You can block tags! You can block content within posts! this will let you remove certain stuff from your experience without necessarily having to unfollow people. BUT! You can also unfollow people! You can block people! Make your experience what you want! And learn what works FOR YOU to manage your disappointment. Some people are "gotta get the anger out to let it go" people, and some are "gotta find the positive spin" people and some are both or neither. Find what works. Do that. Don't be dicks in people's inboxes, and don't drag the cast/crew into the drama on public sm platforms, they don't plan out the storylines.

[lithellyl]

Interesting Dream experience

so this afternoon I took a little nap and had a dream, which turned into a VERY interesting experience so in the dream I was this superhero character named the Whipper, he was an expert with a bullwhip, and when not doing any superheroing was basically busking, entertaining people with his whip skills. but then met a scientist who was working on a device that needed a speedster super powered individual to run, (they sat on an exersize bike like component and pedaled to power this device) but none of the volunteers were fast enough the Whipper said he knows a member of their super team that could help, and he'll call them. so when the Whipper calls this new character, my awareness/conciou.sness jumps into the new character, a jamaican/puerto rican teenager called BlurPulse so BlurPulse volunteers to see if he can try and get the machine to work, and as he steps into the room the machine is housed in he passes into a threshold of the Speed Force/Bullet Time/TimeStop whatever the term for the slow time speedster characters can access in various superhero media and the machine had expanded from one cycle cockput to dozens and most of them were already occupied with other speedster superheroes from other alternate realities, many of which BlurPulse recognized from some of his favorite comic books he goes on to explain that while they are real in their respective universes, they are also fictional in his universe, and vice versa, as he has read alternate universe comics about him! but no matter how hard they try they cannot get the machine to work, when BlurPulse had an idea he pulls out one of his primary weapons, and says "watch this!" the weapon is a large bladed fidget spinner like device, and he spins it, and he spins it so fast that it becomes a blur, it's spinning at 10 million RPM then one of the other speedsters catches on, "wait, we're in SlowTime, how can you spin it that fast? in normal time those blades would be spinning faster than the speed of light! BlurPulse explains "EXATLY! it's my own invention, the gears in this device are built specifically to handle these immense speeds........the gears in the pedals of the device are not!, so we are limited in the speed we can pedal!" so the scientist quickly retrofits the cycles to reverse engineered gears based on BlurPulse's weapon, and everyone start's cycling now up until this moment this has been a standard dream that was.....to my knowledge, just my subconcious mind telling a story to entertain itself, nothing more but here's where it gets interesting as we're pedalling the scientist starts telling what the machine does, pulling these characters from their respective realities is a piece of cake, it's a standard scientific procedure that has been well established in MANY of their realities, and many of these characters are used to it as no big deal, but this machine will break through all realities to the underlying BASE reality beneath them all! and that's when BlurPulse faded away, leaving ME! as MYSELF! and that's when I looked around and realized that many of the other superheroes had faded away leaving the ACTUAL REAL PEOPLE THAT WERE DREAMING ABOUT THEM in their place several of them were completely confused as to what was happening, and many of them were scared! I realized that this was something that should not be done, that the dreamworld was being ripped open into the real world so I QUICKLY used my force of will to shut this machine down and divide the dreamers sending them back to their own seperate dreams and then I woke up as I'm writing this I suddenly started thinking of A Doll's House as written by @neil-gaiman and I'm thinking, "oh crap, I almost became a dream vortex didn't I" hopefully I didn't piss Morpheus off with that dream!

[pctaldrunk]

@caelestcs​ asked   :    4. multiple people threads | 17. fanon interpretations | 30. your choice~   -   TOPICS (ACCEPTING)

4. multiple people threads   -           I’ve done this historically (not on this blog), and...it simultaneously works and doesn’t? In my experience one person always tends to die/fall off the earth/etc. and then the thread’s just stuck there, forever. It’s hard enough to get two people matching up in terms of pace and muse, so like...adding more people to that is just...even more variables. Also sometimes modes of interaction might be different between muns - say I’m super comfy just being chaotic with one mun where I might feel more serious with another one - having them both in the same thread might produce a very confusing dynamic. That being said - I’m always open to trying a multiple person thread. It’s nice when you want to write, say, an ot3, and each muse can have their own mun, etc. etc.

17. fanon interpretations   -          Honestly...to me, roleplay is literally indivisible from fanon. Obviously, basing your entire muse off A Popular Fanpost about Said Character or a Popular Fandom Caricature of Said Character is...well, not necessarily a creative decision I would enjoy or agree with. But no matter how In Character you write your muse (and everyone here is legendary in that art, by the way) - you’re developing dynamics, universes, meanings and growths that would otherwise never have happened in canon. Everyone in the rpc I assume wants to develop their muse/see them grow and change and explore different facets of them that were perhaps not emphasized in canon through interaction and whatever plotting we throw their way - therefore, we all to some degree venture into fanon eventually because we grow larger than and hopefully in other also interesting directions in regards to canon. 

Also, in the year of our lord 2k23 I think the number one thing I sincerely wish for the rpc is to respect each other’s takes. Something something live and let live and let’s not have irl irreconcilable fights over fictional characters, fictional worlds and their fictional lives. Again - let me not pretend to be a saint. There are takes in the general fandom tags and takes in general of specific canon instances, characters, ships, etc. that I roll my eyes at and feel my blood pressure rising about and enjoy less creatively and in terms of complexity - but I won’t say (except jokingly) that those takes are Inherently Wrong. I personally don’t enjoy them, I personally don’t agree with them, but none of us are the author and therefore not one of us is the ultimate right portrayal. Maybe to me the villain is dimensional and full of contradictions and points on which I feel sympathy - but to someone else they might j u s t be the mustache twirling ultimate pure evil. We can feel how we feel and not have to justify it by being “right.” We just...all have different vibes. To quote some S.tephen S.ondheim wisdom, “someone is on your side, someone else is not.” Some may agree with one portrayal more than another but that doesn’t mean the other one doesn’t have its own values. 

That is all given the fanon in question isn’t actually harmful to anyone irl, anyway. I personally tend to stray away from popular fanon because I like to hold onto portrayal notes and emotional conflicts that are unique to me.

30. your choice!    -          I wish we would all just decide if we’re all going to hold on to legacy until we die or if we use beta, tbh : ‘ ) Right now I’m switching between the two editors like a madwoman for all my threads and I literally cannot remember what I wrote in legacy and what I wrote in beta and it’s a tiny bit of a disaster (but shhh)

[t-nd-rfoot]

I HAD TO DIG INTO CORNERS OF MY MIND THAT I DIDN’T EVEN KNOW EXISTED TO BE ABLE TO WRITE THIS ALL DOWN BUT I ALSO FEEL LIKE I WENT OFF TANGENT A LITTLE TOWARDS THE END BECAUSE OF ALL THE THOUGHTS I ENDED UP HAVING BUT WHATEVER, SO HERE IT IS;

We all know Hangman and Rooster as the “next generation Mav and Ice” in that they couldn’t be more opposite and yet they become a team. However, I can’t help but think that their flying style isn’t an isolated case of how they differ from each other, but rather a reflection of their contrasting pasts/upbringing as well.

Given our discussion of Hangman as an only child, I like to imagine that his entire demeanor is formed by his privilege. Being in the military, he knows that effort merits rewards, but some part of him probably also thinks that his steady and comfortable upbringing tells him that he'll get what he wants regardless. It's one of those things where it's so ingrained in him that he's probably thinking and acting on it subconsciously, or that he's probably aware of it but it doesn't matter because it makes sense to him; that's how he thinks the world works. As a child, he developed his strong sense of self from the million pats on the back for doing literally anything. "Good job for doing your chores!" "You passed your test? You're such a bright boy!" And this seeped into his adolescence as well. "Jake Seresin: the most popular boy in school." "Girls want him, guys want to be him." He was probably also privileged enough, that his parents could have had the means to support him, financially and emotionally, to let him be who he wants. Come his Navy career, he was followed by rounds of "We're so proud of you!" "Top of his TOPGUN graduating class, that's our boy!" His entire life, he's been built up to be the best, and so he became the best. He's probably never even heard a "Why can't you be more like--?!" in his life; he was maybe even the person being compared to. And this is shown in his flying style: natural, unafraid and always ready.

As for his relationships with others, he's not entirely selfish. He can be very loyal to those close to him, help them out when they need it. But at the end of the day, he's going home to an empty house where his actions concern him and only him. When his friends talk about their siblings or their children, his immediate thought is, "I can't even imagine what that's like." He doesn't think it in a malicious or disgusted way; he just literally cannot think of what it's like to be responsible for another person. "That's why we call him Hangman, because he'll always leave you out to dry!" In the Navy, the concept of a team is nothing new to him, but he sees every mission as a competition: best one becomes team leader, everyone else is simply a follower. That's why he already assumes at The Hard Deck that he's going to be chosen for the mission. His mentality in the plane is "I'm not responsible for you not being able to catch up, so what happens to you should not be my concern." It's not that he does it to be an asshole, but that's how he's always thought.

Rooster’s history is obviously known; it’s pretty much the backbone and context for TG:M but I shall try to expound anyway 🫡 As far as we know, Rooster grew up an only child. It can also be implied that Carol never remarried or had other kids after Goose passed away, since the dynamic between Mav and Rooster relies on them only having each other left as family. Because of Goose's passing, Rooster didn't get to have a conventional childhood since he had to grow up and mature at a young age to be able to look after and help out his mother. He didn't get to experience most of what Hangman probably experienced as a child because his priority was never about being the best, but about getting by. Sure, growing up, he probably had his shining moments where he got to act his age and be treated his age, but responsibility was always the forefront of his life. And then he makes the decision to join the Navy. A decision not-so received well by his mother, the person he was probably doing this for in the first place so he could continue taking care of her. And then Maverick (unwillingly) pulls his papers from the Naval Academy. Two of the most important people in his life pretty much telling him to slow down and be safe. ‘What’s that supposed to mean? I’m supposed to be taking care of you!’ As much as he has the right to act out like a child, he doesn’t. He has his mother to take care of, and he does until her passing. And like how he treats every responsibility he’s ever had, he moves forward. He applies to the Naval Academy again, setting his path in motion once again. As much as he wants this, there’s some things that hold him back: Carol’s fear of losing him the way she lost Goose, and his mentality of getting by. So he becomes a fair, conservative flyer—he doesn’t push too hard or make too risky moves. Some might even call him slow, but hey, if it means being safe and making sure the job gets done, so be it. “Anyone who follows you is just gonna run out of fuel.” It’s not his fault for thinking that way, he grew up believing that all he has to do is get the job done. He’ll never admit it but the one thing he agreed on with Maverick before they made up is the importance of getting everyone home. He just didn’t agree with Maverick’s plan. Why didn’t he just back out then? “There’s more than one way to fly this mission.” Because like Cyclone, he believes by the rulebook, the rulebook that he was nearly literally asked to throw away on his first day of training. He also feels he has to prove Maverick wrong: wrong about the mission and wrong about him. That he’s not going to end up like his father.

And that’s what makes it so easy for him to look out for his fellow pilots: if he leads safely, he leads the others to safety. It may not always be the right way to approach the mission, but it helps earn the loyalty of others. “That should be us down there.” “But it’s not. Now you know a little something about Rooster.” Phoenix was so quick to check on him after he failed his exercise with Maverick. Fanboy and Payback watched as he took the push-up punishment for them, as opposed to how they met Hangman (and Coyote) where they faced each other like they were in an old Western-style stand-off. Playing the piano in a packed bar was certainly an ice breaker, but the whole crowd at The Hard Deck gathered around and sang with him. In his heart, he knows that he doesn’t have to be, by definition, “the best” to get people to like him; he just has to be good—a good pilot and a good person—for people to want to trust him.

Now, at what point do Hangman’s and Rooster’s lives finally intersect that makes them understand each other? The moment Maverick chooses Rooster as his wingman. It’s the turning point in their lives; it’s when their worldviews were tested, proven wrong. You can see it in their faces the moment Maverick calls Rooster. Neither of their expressions show frustration or anything that screams “That should’ve been me!” It’s confusion more than anything else. “Why?” Because they both don’t understand. They’ve done things the way they’ve always done, but they don’t understand why it didn’t play out the same. ‘Why me?’ Rooster asks, knowing that his approach to flying is definitely not what’s being asked of this mission. Couple that along with his suspicions of Maverick considering their strained relationship. ‘Why not me?’ Hangman wonders, knowing he’s the best pilot in the room. But like the trained military men that they are, they accept it without further question. Right before Rooster goes to his plane, they face each other, speechless at the turn of events. “Give ‘em hell!” is all Hangman has to say to him as he begins to understand that although he’s proud of his callsign, he let it be his reputation, and it cost him the mission. Then the four Daggers take off and Rooster falls behind Mav, Bob, and Phoenix, affecting the performance and safety of Payback and Fanboy behind him. It’s then that Rooster finally understands Hangman’s own words: “On this mission, a man flies like Maverick, or a man does not come back.” He has to stop just getting by and actually push himself to fly like his life depends on it because it actually does. Maverick said that they all represented the best of the best, so Rooster had to fly like the best: like Maverick, and like Hangman. Then Maverick’s plane goes down and Hangman’s very first instinct is to jump in a spare plane and ask permission to help his fellow pilots. And note that there were seven other pilots left in reserve after Mav chose his team, and it was Hangman who volunteered first to go out there and risk his life. Maybe, at the back of his mind, he’s telling himself, It’s what Rooster would have done for any one of us out there. And even when he was denied the first time, he was still the only one in the sky to save Mav and Rooster from that final fifth-gen fighter.

So what do they do to tie up their whole lives leading to that moment? They shake hands.

—

[absolutepokemontrash]

Hi! So, I absolutely love your series where the MC is the kid of Lucifer, and I was wondering if I could request that with Diavolo and Barbatos? •v•

:0 you definitely can! Right now I’m just doing Diavolo, but Barb’s will be up sometime soon!

MC is Half Demon and Oh Shit They’re Diavolo’s Kid-

Diavolo wasn’t exactly what one would expect of the prince of Hell, I mean, he was suppressing the urge to bounce in his seat from pure excitement. I mean, his exchange program was starting! Humans, demons, and angels, all together, his dream was coming true.

All that was left was for the student to arrive, the portal opened, and the human fell flat on their back. Oof, maybe Diavolo should have set up some kind of landing zone filled with pillows. No matter! The human was-

…

What peculiar eyes this human had…

Oh… oh dear…

Dad-volo

The MC was his child, no question about it. This was… very unexpected. Well, the entire assembly hall was completely quiet, and the kid looked like they were getting impatient.

“HEY! Mind telling me what the hell is going on?!”

After that, Diavolo launches into his explanation, also the explanation that he’s definitely this kid’s dad. Kid was not impressed, they tried to square up with Diavolo and Lucifer had never been more confused as to what to do.

Well, the moment MC sprouted wings and launched themselves at Diavolo, Dia caught them with one hand and continued speaking like nothing happened.

MC, please calm down… Diavolo didn’t know they existed, let him make it up to them! They’re going to stay at the Demon Lord’s Castle! Dia’s going to be a good dad!

“This feels like the plot to the world’s most messed up fairytale.” MC jammed their hands into their pockets and grumbled. “I get sucked into hell and find out I’m royalty there. Great.”

Diavolo managed to smile and awkwardly reach out to give them a pat on the head, then retracted his hand after the kid shot him a glare. “Well, it’s not a very traditional fairytale, but I’m sure you’ll enjoy your time here.”

“Mm, sure.” MC mumbled.

Okay, so his child wasn’t that enthusiastic about the exchange program, but Diavolo was sure they’d come around.

Dia tried everything he could possibly think of to get his kid to both like him and enjoy their time as an exchange student. A lot of things had… mixed results.

Also, legally recognizing MC as his child and legitimizing them caused a big stink amongst the nobles who were opposed to the exchange program to begin with. So MC then had to deal with a few assassins. Wonderful. Fantastic. Show stopping. Dia, be a good dad and comfort your angsty murder target- I MEAN preteen.

They do manage to build a good relationship fairly quickly despite their less than stellar first impressions, and Diavolo made them a promise that he knew he wouldn’t ever break: he would let them live as normal a childhood as possible.

This means that MC gets to do all the normal kid stuff that Diavolo wasn’t allowed to do. It honestly works out great for everyone. MC gets to live their life, Diavolo gets the satisfaction of knowing that his kid’s having fun, and Barbatos doesn’t need to worry about MC causing chaos in the castle.

Man… does this kid’s magic potential scare the shit out of everyone though…

Tired Uncle Lucifer

No. This has to be a violation of his worker rights. It cannot be legal for him to be this stressed.

He knew this exchange program was a bad idea. LUCIFER FUCKING KNEW IT. This kid was judging him. Why did he suddenly feel self conscious about every single one of his features? This child was picking him apart and they hadn’t even said anything!

He confiscated Asmo’s phone immediately, this was a matter of national security! Satan’s too! Beel as- oh shit Lucifer may have to give Beel the heimlich maneuver, then take his phone.

When all the brothers eventually got back to the HOL, they were greeted with Mammon getting shaken down by Levi.

“Lucifer! Ya won’t believe this! Levi- what’s wrong with you?” “The exchange student is Diavolo’s child.” “What..?” “*pops the cork off a bottle of Demonus* the exchange student’s Diavolo’s child.”

The worst part about this kid was that they took to the privileges of being royalty like a fish to water. MC went out and did whatever the fuck they wanted, and Lucifer needed to make sure a state of national emergency wasn’t called just because MC picked a fight at RAD.

It didn’t help that MC was just so unimpressed with Lucifer. Anytime Lucifer would tell them not to do something they would just raise their eyebrows and challenge his authority without saying a word.

What the fuck.jpg

The things he does for his prince boyfriend…

Cool Uncle Mammon

Huh, so this little pipsqueak is Lord Diavolo��s kid? Hm, do ya think they’d let him into the royal treasury? No? Okay… lame.

Mammon then decides this kid would be just perfect for scamming people! Who is going to say no to the Crown Prince’s kid? A suicidal person, that’s who!

And the kid is… up for it? Wow, Mammon didn’t even have to grovel! Awesome!

It’s such a shame that Lucifer came in and promptly removed MC from Mammon’s presence. Tsk, killjoy…

Mammon and MC do get along swimmingly after MC stops angsting. Whenever they hang out it’s pure chaos.

And they would have gotten away with it too- wait, they do get away with it. Because who’s going to question the Crown Prince’s kid? >:)

Reclusive Uncle Leviathan

Levi was in the middle of throttling Mammon for his money back when Lucifer burst through the door looking like he had spent over 1000 Grimm on a gacha game only to not get the card he wanted.

And where was that human he said would be staying with them? Huh? The human’s HUH????!!!!

… wack. Maybe he shouldn’t have skipped out on that Student Council Meeting…

Either way, ew, new person he needed to talk to. NO THANKS. Well, no thanks until MC started to visit the HOL to hang out with Mammon. Of course those two normies decided to bug him. OF COURSE.

Levi finally snapped when MC loudly proclaimed that they could totally beat Levi in Mario Kart. Haha, NO. Levi challenged the little runt to a 1 v 1 race on Rainbow Road.

Kid lost. Obviously. Rainbow Road is rigged.

Honestly, kid’s alright. Still a total normie, but not completely terrible.

Cat Uncle Satan

Huh, a half human child of the soon to be demon king, how very interesting.

Oh, and just look at Lucifer’s face. :D priceless. Satan wished he was fast enough to get his DDD out to snap a picture, but he wasn’t able to…

But back to MC, oh how very intriguing. How much power do they have in comparison to Diavolo? Will using that power rip their fragile little body apart? Would they learn to control it? Satan was just dying to find out.

His feelings on the child themselves were mixed at best. They were clearly unhappy with the situation and Satan could sympathize, being thrust into a completely new world and then being told you can’t leave and are also royalty? That has to be hard. But this kid was still being an unreasonable little shit.

Satan continued to try and study MC from afar until the kid themselves walked right up to him and half demanded half pleaded for his help in studying for a test.

Not being one to avoid an opportunity to flex how smart he is, Satan agreed to help out. (Nerrrrd)

And honestly, it went well. When the kid wasn’t being a little shit, they were actually quite pleasant to be around.

Overly Affectionate Uncle Asmo

…wut

Listen, when Asmo asked Lucifer to pick a cute human, he didn’t mean cute as in CHILD.

This kid was DIAVOLO’S?! What lucky human had gotten to have the experience of [Jesus Fucking Christ, Asmo I’m not writing what he said for the sake of the nation]

Anyhoo~ little MC just made his heart go “SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE SO CUTE!” They were so cute Asmo could just eat them up!

But they were so mean! That scowl they always had on was going to give them wrinkles and ruin their perfectly cute face!

Sigh, oh well. He can’t manually rearrange people’s expressions. What he can do is take this child shopping. Poor Diavolo was constantly in his RAD uniform, this poor innocent baby shouldn’t have to suffer the same fate.

The kid continued to scowl at everything, but at the same time, their little quips were very entertaining. This little kid spitting verbal venom at anyone who displeased them reminded Asmo of someone… he just couldn’t place who, but they definitely had amazing hair and a cute face :3

Hungry Uncle Beel

Where’s the takeout- I mean human? What’s happening? …are all humans this small? Dang, that’s barely enough for a snack.

So the human’s not going to live with us because they’re not fully human and Diavolo’s kid? Huh. Wild. Anyway, what’s for dinner?

Beel’s not too invested in this drama, he misses Belphie too much to be that interested…

The kid’s weirdly interested in how cool and strong Beel is though. MC tails him to the gym pretty often.

Diavolo and Beel already being gym buddies send tweet-

Since this benevolent little shit likes Beel so much, they decided to take it upon themselves to help with the family drama.

Beel finds that very sweet 🥺

Murder sleepy Uncle Belphie

Oh man… if you thought Belphie was being unfair to L!MC due to their parentage… hoo boy…

When this kid waltzed up the attic steps like they ran the place, Belphie needed to hold himself back from trying to break down the door and throttle this kid.

Pff, of course Diavolo would have a half human kid. Of course.

…kid beat the shit out of him when he tried to kill them. We stan this MC.

After all is said and done, Belphie still isn’t overly fond of MC. They’re brash and rude and only funny 40% of the time. They don’t even like napping 😒

But Beel likes the little runt, so Belphie and MC put up with each other.

Bonus! Your Angelic Uncle Simeon’s Chihuahua

:0 friend!

MC: *speaks*

>:0 not friend! Begone! *throws crucifix*

[mrpenguinpants]

Xiao: First Kiss HCs

I’m so sorry it took me actually forever to reply to you. But I really hope you like this and it was somewhat worth the wait;; I tried really hard but ty for liking my Xiao content and yes! Let’s be absolute trash for Xiao. In this house we only believe in Xiao supremacy 💕💕

---

Semi Part 1: Friendship

Semi Part 2: Falling in Love

Semi Part 3: Cuddles

Semi Part 4: Protective

Semi Part 5: Affection

Semi Part 6: Jealously

Semi Part 8: Opposites Attract

Semi Part 9:  String of Fate [Soulmate] HCs

Semi Part 10:  [ Fainting ]

---

Childe Ver: First Kiss HCs

Venti & Kaeya: Mistletoe HCs

Venti, Xingqiu, and Razor: Kissing HCs

Considering how many more Xiao fics I need to write. This semi part link might not be a good idea lol. Also let’s ignore if I wrote in a kiss in a previous post haha.

---

[taglist]  <- if you want to be added, please read this first.

@hanniejji​​  @mikeysbike​​ @unionwitch​​ @musekala​​ @twistedsunnshiii​​ @stanzastic​ @akaasea​​ @xoneaboveallx​​ @adoring-ghost​​ @asheseiler​​ @childelover​​@youaskedfurret​​ @snowy224

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Xiao: First Kiss HCs

When you and Xiao first got together. It was a slow and steady process of learning each other boundaries and what felt comfortable. Xiao knew he was a difficult partner but you loved him and even becoming his friend was a slow and worthwhile adventure. It started off small leading from small handholding, to cuddling, to showing each other affection. But the one area that you both weren’t familiar in was kisses. He was an isolated adepti and you were an adventurer. You didn’t have any experience in being kissed and Xiao sure as hell didn’t either. Plus it was a lot more intimate and nerve wracking compared to holding hands and that was an hard hill to tackle in itself.

You didn’t mind that he wasn’t comfortable with initiating affection or never went in or talked about kisses. You were just happy that he was by your side and that your love was reciprocated. That he was comfortable in your presence and seemed content in your arms. It still made you a bit giddy when you reflected on how far you both came and that was enough for you. Xiao, on the other hand, couldn’t exactly say the same. While he was happy and he was content, he couldn’t help but feel that maybe your relationship was too one-sided? He knew that you were comfortable and okay with waiting for him to work out his issues and figuring out how to love again but he also really wanted to do more. He just wasn’t sure how to start.

It suddenly dawned on him one day when he saw you off on your next journey, that he had never really kissed you. Even a small goodbye kiss. It was usually you initiating affection or giving words of love and you always told him that it didn’t matter if he said it or not. His actions said more which always made him flush a bit. But on slow and quiet days where you were off on another adventure and Liyue was calm, he couldn’t help but let his mind wander to you. To your face, your bright eyes that would light up whenever you talked about the interesting sights you saw on your journey, the curve of your nose whenever he tapped it when you started to ramble on to much, your lips and how they would spread into a soft smile when it was just the two of you.

Xiao quickly flipped himself up into a sitting position and groaned into his hands. What was happening to him? He needed to take a walk to clear his mind again. He’s been going out a lot since he met you. He had faced an army of demons and fought in a war and yet this felt like the hardest challenge of his entire thousand year long life. He could almost hear Guizhong’s laughter at his predicament and her words of wisdom saying to take whatever problem he had and face it head on. Just without his spear. The spear needs to stay home.

So the next time you visited Wangshu Inn he asked for you to close your eyes. You complied but you were surprised, sitting by the railing facing Liyue up on the balcony. Was he going to gift you something? This was the first time he asked you to close your eyes but you trusted him. You could almost feel the anxiety waving off Xiao so you kept quiet and patient and waited for him to be ready.

He was ready. He could do this. You weren’t even looking at him so what was there to be worried about? He slowly leaned in, just hovering above your lips. But then he leaned back a bit, flushing red. He nearly chewed his lip before stopping since you probably didn’t want to taste blood. It wasn’t that he wasn’t ready or he thought that you would hate it, he was just nervous in messing up. What if his accidently transformed? What if he accidently pushed you off the railing? Even worse, what if someone showed up and saw you both like this?

Turns out he didn’t need to worry. Somewhat. Zhongli, who Xiao knew now was actually Rex Lapis in disguise, made a sudden appearance behind him. The whiplash of suddenly seeing his Master, the nervous butterfly’s fluttering in his stomach, and pep talk Xiao was trying to pound into his mind made him suddenly lurch forward and kiss you deeply. A bit too deeply as his little fangs nipped at your bottom lip.

“Zhongli!?”

“Rex Lapis?!”

You both quickly broke apart as your eyes flew open when you heard the man but also surprise at the sudden but, not completely unpleasant, pain and pressure on your lips. You could almost see the soul leave Xiao’s body when he spun around to see the surprised Zhongli. It was silent for a moment, all three of you just staring at each other. You were still processing what the hell just happened, Xiao was trying to find a way to astral project, and Zhongli was computing the fact that yes, the ever grumpy and “don’t touch me” yaksha both had a lover and was in the middle of...courting.

“Oh. My apologies. I wasn’t aware you were both occupied. I shall take my leave and visit another day then.” Zhongli simply nodded and left before you or Xiao could say anything. You both stared at the empty figure of where Zhongli was before you started to burst into laughter at the situation. You really felt bad, you did honestly, but with all the overwhelming emotions you couldn’t help but laugh.

“I’m...sorry. I didn’t know he was going to visit today,” Xiao muttered as he pressed his hand into his face and groaned at the embarrassing moment. You could see the tips of his ears were getting redder by the second which made you chuckle. For such a fearsome Yaksha he was really cute sometimes.

“It’s okay Xiao. I don’t mind. But are you alright?” you stifled the last of your giggles and reached out to pull him closer and remove his hand from his red face before cupping his cheek. He huffed but leaned into your hand. He really was sometimes like a cat.

“Are you hurt? Was I...too forward?” Xiao asked but he still wouldn’t look you in the eye. The floor was very interesting this afternoon. Wood was nice. Wood was good.

“No! It was...nice,” you answered, starting to go a bit pink yourself now before you felt a stinging pain in the corner of your lip, “Ah. I think you might accidently bit my lip though.”

“I see,” Xiao was now looking at you with his piercing eyes as he watched your small pink tongue brush over the corner of your bottom lip. His attention began to focus on that small part as the world seem to narrow down. Just the two of you. But unlike when you both would lie on top of the inn and watch the sun go down he felt hungry.

“Do you-”

Before you could ask anything Xiao suddenly pounced and pressed his lips against yours in a heated kiss. He took you by surprise but you quickly recovered as you gripped the purple ribbon on his back and yanked him forward as his hands slammed against the railing, trapping you. You felt his tongue press against your lips as you slowly opened them to let him in. It was overwhelming and you were sure if you hadn’t been grabbing onto the purple ribbon you would have fell over but then a sudden deep rumble snapped you out of your trance.

“Xiao? Are you...Are you purring?” you giggled when you got a tiny but of separation from the lack of air but he frowned at you, really it looked more like a pout, before leaning over once again.  Just barely brushing over your lips as he whispered

“Meow”

---

This isn’t even OOC anymore. I feel like I’m writing a fucking k-drama right now, what am I doing anymore? English? Huh? I do not compute.

I’ve just awakened something in me with Cat! Xiao and I am flying with it (and casually ignoring lore. Isn’t he a bird?). Heading straight for the stratosphere and you cannot stop me. Just gonna hide away in shame now don’t look at me.

Okay. Time to commit sleep for uh 2 hours lol. I’m really tired but I feel kinda proud of myself haha. Tomorrow’s fics are going to be Venti, Lisa and Diluc pairing, and Venti and Barbara pairing. Good night!

Oh, and yes there is a lot more Xiao content to come and uhh might continue this cat!xiao idea. Unless that’s too weird. I’m sorry don’t shame me pls 😰

my god tumble just work. i dont want to deal with you and your tags. 

[pengosolvent]

Why can you make all that stuff for Flora and things like Art Fight but not OC anymore? Genuinely curious don’t mean to be rude.

It's a good question honestly, and one I am trying to untangle still

I will put this under a readmore, since I will be wordy under the assumption you do genuinely want to know my thoughts and feelings here

I actually have been making OC things, I just do not share them So, what ends up posted online is stuff that isn't my original work, but it doesn't mean that original work isn't being worked on at all

I just… have a lot of anxiety over sharing my characters People have treated me in ways that have hurt my connection to them… So I end up feeling like I cannot really post them very easily

I work on my projects but very slowly, because I encounter pain and try to understand where it's coming from and why

Talking about it honestly feels vulnerable, because I don't know how to really share the feeling of pain that I feel in relation to my OCs and how people act about my original work, so I feel a bit like I am complaining over nothing

Sometimes, people tend to treat original content as though it just… appears. And they can do whatever they want with it, without thinking about who made it or why

It can feel… painful in a way where people care about my OCs but not me… It feels like I don't matter, just what people can "use" from me matters I understand logically this isn't really the impression that people want to give off, and for the most part most people don't even realize this is a thing

But I've encountered this even from a young age, when I was a teen and people did things like get upset with me over my own characters not fitting what they wanted

I encounter it very… frequently…

I feel like I anticipate people thinking I'm overreacting or just too sensitive to this sort of thing… I have often been told I just need to ignore things like this, ignore things that hurt me if they appear too complcated or "small"

But that's just led to this huge build up of small cuts that make OC work so difficult for me

It feels hard to want to share original work when I anticipate that if I get hurt, I can't talk about it and whoever hurt me won't care Because if thats how it feels, then it… feels like I just exist to perform And I don't want my work to be a performative thing I want my work to feel sincere from me

I am honestly in pain a lot over not being able to share my OCs without deep anxiety and pain

I had drawn my first comic when I was 5, and it meant a lot to me to do so I still want to draw more longterm stories though I don't understand why I feel a deep importance to my stories though I also don't understand why

It feels meaningless on some days, but I still try to draw

Artfight was an experiment to try to see how much I could draw in a short time span If my issue was drawing itself, or my OCs

I also wanted to see how I would feel getting art of some OCs

I'm… very slow emotionally. I'm working through a lot I say that often but it's true

Flora stuff is easier because it doesn't touch the same sort of pain feeling that my OCs cause me … Since it's not my world, it is my friend's I guess it feels a little bit like training wheels? Like, working on story things without the level of pain that working on my OC stuff has, lets me compare and contrast the response I have emotionally

It lets me try to understand what's happening internally for me via having something to compare to

This might not make sense to you much, but I am trying to be as sincere as I can in this response… without writing for hours haha…

I work on my original things, but they're longterm or I just feel like they don't live up to whatever was in my head, and I end up feeling self-hatred and not postng things

I have felt… deeply alone in regards to my characters for a long time Trying to work through that involves working through a lot of feelings I thought were just "normal" to feel, or anxieties I thought were just me being crazy, but actually came from places I got hurt

I am aware that I expect pain and have for years and years And I would really like to figure out how to get back to when I felt joy from drawing and sharing my characters I would like to heal whatever is broken that causes this response in me

There's an idea that suffering helps artists, or suffering is where True Art comes from or something

Suffering doesn't… actually help me make art Being true to my emotions and vulnerable is what helps me make art At times, one can be vulnerable when they are suffering… but… I guess I've crossed that line a bit Where my suffering just started to make me more and more closed off from my feelings, and it's hard to access them now very well

I am struggling to connect to my feelings with my characters, because they have been, for the longest time, representations of my feelings that ended up then getting hurt over and over by people online (some well meaning but unaware of how their actions could land, some actively meaning to hurt me, and everything inbetween)

I don't want to ignore my pain anymore I don't want to

So I am trying to take it slow with things I know are fragile relating to my characters

I guess the problem is… It feels hard to be myself with them It feels hard to feel like I'm not performing for an audience who consumes media and doesn't think about hte artist I know not every person online is like that, and I know some people online are just young, but emotionally, I 've encountered it enough that it's hard not to feel like I have to prepare for getting hurt

That sucks It sucks to want to share something I made with care and expect a deep thoughtlessness in return Even if I don't get a thoughtless response, the fact that I expect one already exhausts me… So it's a weird internal thing

I would like for it to be easy to focus internally on my own meaning and post stuff and just not let weird remarks or actions affect me, but… It isn't easy

And I don't want to be unaffected either… I want to feel things from people Trying to ignore things just made it so that I couldn't feel the positive stuff either

I don't feel a lot most of the time when people say I'm inspiring… because I can't register what it means anymore Because I've had people say I'm inspiring and then they just wanted to use me I've had people get angry and lash out at me over my original work, so it's so… hard to… know how to handle

I want to be able to feel what people feel from my work, to share in it, but it's hard when I've also had so many engagements that try to mold me into what they want

I just hold a lot of sadness with my characters… And it feels like it's hard to talk about Because it's a sadness at the way the internet treats original work as a whole Which sometimes feels so impossible to work with or change

People fall back on things like "It's the internet, get over it" as though that means anything People… act like they don't want to understand other people That's painful My work… It's all about trying to understand people and myself

So when people say these sort of things but then also act like they like my work… It's… What are they really getting from my work? They just like the pictures and not my feelings?

Sorry, I'm rambling

I hope this makes sense and that you can understand

I do want to post more, to be able to feel hope and care and connection in sharing my work I would like to work towards that and am working towards that

So I guess… I can "make all that stuff" for things that aren't my original characters because it feels like steps on a very long staircase to get back to working on my original characters in a healthier way

It's connected to trying to make original work for me, even if it might seem disconnected from a distance

Anyway time for me to go to bed Good night, I hope your day or night goes well --- edit: i woke up and talked about this with some friends and realized i still removed some of my feelings I replied to this from a perspective of just working in the framework of “trying to prove its rational for me to do things other than OCs” but I didn’t really talk about how this ask made me feel nor how it feels for things to be... compared  it feels like flora and artfight were put down a bit in your ask, though i understand you said you were genuinely curious and didn’t mean to be rude  I guess it feels like ... saying “all that stuff” for flora and art fight implies... something kind of strange 

“all that stuff” implies, to me, a comparison of amount, as opposed to focusing on things other than OCs  i guess it feels like not considering that me posting things is different than me making things it reduces my existence to just.. what i post online  which feels like i only exist to you as what i post online which on one hand makes sense, since you dont know me IRL, but it doesnt feel like considering i do stuff that i DON’T post  i cant word it well i don’t want to attribute malice to you, but it did feel strange  but ultimately... I wanted to do things for artfight, i wanted to be able to draw things and try to have fun, i am happy when others are happy that i have drawn for them I also want to do things for flora, i enjoy talking to glip and exploring feelings in characters and storylines  we had a really painful past, and being able to heal from that and work together again is really meaningful to me  i value it immensely as its own thing, in addition to it helping me emotionally re: OCs the ability to believe in change is important, even if it takes a long time  i want to do things with my OCs more, to post them more, but it is hard when there is a lot of pain  so i am trying to trust in the ability for that to change  when i work on other things, it matters to me, but it doesnt mean i’ve forgotten my stories or OCs 

[angel-armed]

I wasn't really going to post on this because I feel like every time I try to speak up it just ends in in-fighting, but then I thought about how much this sentiment makes ME feel othered in my own spaces so. I know I'm not the only one.

There's a post going around with thousands of notes talking about how top/bottom dynamics are not personality traits, and the tone implies that only like... clueless fandom/online people think that.

And I'm just blown away because it makes me think: Have y'all ever installed grindr on your phone or gone to an irl gay meet up? Do you spend time with meatspace gays??

The idea that top/bottom is a personality trait is yes, an overstating of something but what it comes down to is that historically people have used their presentation to communicate things to other gay people without words. Why is that? Because the more we would talk about these things, the more likely someone would snitch, we'd get snatched up or reported to police or what have you.

And who gets hurt by the "BUT THESE ARE STEREOTYPES" the most? Same people as always. The femmes. Suddenly, what has been our signal to other gays, NOT TO PEOPLE OUTSIDE of the community necessarily fuck them-- is considered a bad stereotype assigned to like, fangirls writing fanfic badly, haha, look at those poor sad misinformed girls. Shut up lmao

The fact of the matter is, that top/bottom/vers -- whatever term you identify with, is often exactly that. A personal identifier that you want other people IN YOUR COMMUNITY to be able to pick up on. This is why we have shit like the hanky code. I'm not sitting here telling you that every man who likes to perform drag or is just gender-non-conforming is a bottom. But many, and I mean MANY do use that as a way to signal it. For every 'bad stereotype' you point at, there are a thousand gay men who are just like that stereotype. No matter how much you personally do not like it. Get your no fats no femmes shit out of my face lol.

Every time you try to 'educate' people as if the norm in the IRL meatspace gay community is supposedly 'vers' as some neutral default, you open the door for more intense policing of gender non conforming men even if that is not your intention. This issue is not something that you can paint with a wide brush. Your personal experience is NOT my personal experience. Maybe you happen to have come up in a gay community where vers was a neutral default. However that is not even close to the common experience out there in the world for gay folk.

I need to go on to say that even in gay communities where this is the norm, we deal with grindr profiles that regularly include "No femmes, no fats, no Asians" etc. and-- maybe you're saying "this is proof my neutral defalt vers thing is better/right" well. Okay maybe yeah on paper! But that doesn't change that gays who are not terminally online are not. some neutral state of vers by default.

Tl;dr: hard immutable top/bottom preferences that inform a person's gender presentation, manner of speech, mode of dress etc. Are. Very common. In fact, in my lived experience in gay bars and gay spaces IRL away from the internet, I'd say they're the norm. Calling femme gay men who speak with a lisp bad stereotypes harms all gay men.

Stop saying I'm a 'bad stereotype' because someone shipped your preferred pairing in a way that wasn't ~~subversive~~ enough for you. You preferring the tall masculine dude in lingerie getting topped by the twink is not progressive. It's your preference. You liking it doesn't make it somehow better. Y'all need the word heteronormative taken away from you too. A gay couple cannot be heteronormative. That's not what the word was coined for. Stop acting like your preference is somehow morally prescriptive and stop acting like that's some kind of activism. End of.

[beyondspaceandstars]

Late Night Confessional

Relationship: Natasha Romanoff x Reader Warnings: N/A Summary: (slight) Neighbors!AU - After you come back from yet another bad date, some fluffy romantic confessionals occur between you and your neighbor. (Based off the prompt: Person A: “What would you say if I told you I was in love with you?” Person B: “That you have terrible tastes.”) A/N: Surprise, happy pride month - I write wlw, too, because I am, in fact, consider myself to be sapphic (or wlw or however you’d condier it ) :) p.s. this is an older piece of writing but i still enjoy it and wanna write more of this nature

Masterlist

"Shit," you muttered as your heel got caught in a crack in the sidewalk. Furiously, you pried off the obnoxious heels and decided trucking back home barefoot was the best option. If that was what was going to get rid of any other annoyances tonight, then so be it. You were absolutely over it.

Everything had started out fine — which was what got you — but shit turned south once he opened his mouth. He was a date you had met on one of those dating apps. You couldn’t remember which one since they’ve all just started blending together from the obsessive swiping and small talk.

With him, though, it didn’t seem so bad at first. You two texted for a few weeks and seemed to really vibe with one another. Even when you first sat down at the bar, you thought for a second this could work well.  

Then he started to get handsy — drunk and handsy. In your experience, it was never a good combination and you kicked yourself for not seeing how it was going to go once he started throwing back drinks. It happened very quickly and right there in the bar. It made you want to pull your hair out.

You felt you had been so blind. What man strung a girl on for almost a month just to be hunting down a quick lay? This man — and he might as well have just admitted it to you. He liked the chase. He liked the resistance with you, he admitted when his hand began to wander. You had been a hard one to "reel in" and at that comment, you pushed him off the stool and marched out of the bar.

It didn’t make sense, but what could you do about it anymore? All that was left was to march back to your apartment, pour a hefty glass of wine, and indulge in a long bubble bath. Maybe relationships weren’t your thing, maybe love needed to take a back seat, you contemplated.

You let out a sigh of relief once you made it to your apartment building. You were suddenly overly thankful you had set up the date at a bar close to you.

After punching in the entry code, you made your way up the stairs still barefoot. Concentrated on not stepping on any trash or scraps, you didn’t see someone at the top of the landing. Unexpectedly, you collided, both of you fumbling backwards a bit. You heard a basket hit the ground as your shoes landed on the stairs with an unpleasant bang.

"Jesus, I’m so-," you began, fumbling for your shoes, as your eyes registered the person you ran into. It was was your neighbor and, arguably, best friend Natasha. She looked a bit exhausted herself. Her hair was in shambles and she wore pajamas — not something you quite always saw her in. She was usually much more together during the day so this get-up always made you chuckle. "Sorry, Nat, seriously didn’t see you there."

She smiled back, collecting her laundry back into the bin, "You end up going blind tonight, hon?"

You shook your head, playfully rolling your eyes. Scoffing, you said, "That’d be the cherry on top tonight."

Natasha looked back at you with a frown. She took in your appearance — knee-length flowy dress, pantyhose, jean jacket, and barefoot with heels dangling in your hand.

"Date went sour?" She asked, a hint of actual wonder in her voice. That was what you loved about her. Not only was she a good (quiet) neighbor, she was also a… friend. Yeah, a friend. She didn’t make your heart jump or stomach do backflips with the looks she’d shoot you. She certainly didn’t make you blush when she actually took interest in your problems or interests. It was just friendly.

You nodded, "He buttered me up for almost a month just to try to get me in bed. Scores points for dedication, I guess."

Natasha picked up her laundry and motioned for you to follow her. You made your way, shoulder-to-shoulder, suppressing any other thoughts, to her apartment. Unlocking it, you followed her to her living room where you could finally sit and relax your feet. Natasha stood by the side table, folding the laundry.

"Did he at least buy your drinks?" Natasha asked.

You laughed, "Nope."

She rolled her eyes as she threw a folded t-shirt on the coffee table.

"Was there any conversation?"

"At first," you shrugged. "It turned unbearable pretty fast. He was such a great guy in text messages, though, that’s what I cannot get over."

She finished up folding the basic stuff like t-shirts and jeans and abandoned the rest to come sit next to you on the couch. It was such a sudden movement your heart nearly jumped.

"Well," Natasha began, getting situated on the couch. She sat criss-cross with her back to the other couch arm, facing you. You shifted in your seat to copy her stance. "Men can be super weird — hell, anyone can be super weird — but, at least you tried it. You seem very persistent when it comes to dating."

You felt yourself blushing as Natasha gave you her world-famous knowing smirk. She knew you too well. She’d seen you after nearly every date that went down the drain. She sat through the rants and wine nights offering something to you and each time, feelings kept building. But it could never — could it?

You started playing with your fingers and averted your gaze to the leather couch, praying she didn’t pick up any signs even though that was impossible. The woman was trained. She was one hell of a superhero — not to even mention her lengthy past — she knew what you were doing, but didn’t give any notions of it.

"Yeah, well, it may be time I give it up for a bit,"

The words even just leaving your mouth stung. You didn’t want to give it up — you just wanted something that appeared forbidden. No woman you went out with and certainly no man you ever encountered could compare to the red-head staring at you.

"Well," Natasha sighed, her gaze averting to her kitchen. "What would you say if I told you I was in love with you?"

Time froze. Your focus on the couch got more intense. Your heart dropped a hundred floors. You didn’t even know if you could properly move. She didn’t say that — did she? Are you just imagining what you wanted to hear? It was a joke, right? It was a joke. Just a nice little fib, two besties playing around, you decided.

Composing yourself the best you could, with a shaky voice you tried to casually respond, "That you have terrible taste."

You thew in a chuckle at the end, trying to show you knew it was a joke and that you could play along — but Natasha’s look didn’t match that. Her gaze came back to you, jaw slightly dropped. She readjusted herself to sit up straight, taking a much more serious position.

"Y/N, I’m serious," she said, carefully, enunciating every letter it felt like. Her eyes were so strong, it pulled you almost. Her tone was one with her — serious and never shifting.

She… she had. She had done that and it wasn’t a stupid prank or something. Someone actually good and caring in this world was taking an interest in you. Fuck, she loved you and you loved her… but you hadn’t said it yet. Oh shit, you hadn’t said a substantial word yet. Natasha was starting to get uncomfortable with the stunned silence but just as she was about to ask you to leave, your brain found your voice.

"I love you," you blurted out with all the force you could muster. Gosh, you hadn’t even admitted that to yourself but it was true. It felt good to say, good to accept. Of course you loved her. She’d stay up with you gossiping or discussing another crappy man from Tinder. You two had regular Sunday brunches at the pancake house down the street neither of you dared to miss. She’d indulge in your interests, watching the twinkle in your eyes while you’d be there ready to set out for whatever new adventure she wanted to take. Heck, she even managed to drag you camping — you hated camping but you loved her and that was all that mattered. You spent so much time hunting the web for your soulmate when really she just lived across the hall.

"You- you mean that?" Natasha’s voice was suddenly so soft. You had never heard her like this. She seemed… nervous. Soft and nervous. She was just as unsure as you were and that was understandable.

"Yeah," You chuckled, a smile playing at your lips. "I do mean it. I love you. I- I think I have for a while."

Natasha spent a second looking for any hints of lying before quickly placing her lips on yours. The movement came at you so fast, you both nearly fell off the couch, but once your brain registered, your lips moved like they belonged. She gripped your waist as the passion in the kiss drove up. Your arms found their way around her neck, your hands playing with strings of her hair.

She broke away for a second and whispered, very much out of breath, "I love you. I’ve always loved you."

You chuckled and whispered it right back. The passion matched the kiss and you pulled her down, sinking into the couch, hands wandering recklessly.

[sobdasha]

every time i rewatch the reboot and i get to the Kana ep

I go "I need to write down my Kana Thoughts for posting" for the posterity of me and then it doesn't happen.

IDK which number try I am on but maybe it is a charm!!!

–

I feel like, way back in the day, I was not alone in being in Ayame's camp about Kana. Like, good for her or whatever, but a bit rude to go off and have a happy, healthy marriage with some far-removed-from-the-Souma man. A bit rude to let your guilt eat you alive and then recover once Hatori is no longer in your life, and walk off and leave him to stick it out alone with all the memories and the sadness.

(And then Mayuko appeared on the horizon and I stopped caring very much about the tragedy of Kana and Hatori, both of them are clearly destined to live their best lives with other people good for both of them!!!)

Anyway I feel like there were some fundamental assumptions I had going there that were not quite on point, and I have at length since reexamined things and found more complicated nuance and every time I watch the dub reboot I start to consider yet more nuances. And writing them down means I stop composing the same mental posts of meta all the time, so that frees up a little brain space, and also future!me will have things to read to be like "wow past!me so smart" or "wow past!me missed that point so hard."

1) Mental illness hard

I think I was just not tired enough back in the day, and had less life experience. I believe I was either all on board for "Kana destroys any further support she could have provided for Hatori by being consumed with guilt over the fact that she did protect Hatori from injury, for the TRAGEDY", or else it was "Kana should realize that this is counterproductive, focus on what she can do and better to have loved and lost, and recover."

This is Fruits Basket. It isn't dramatic for the sake of cheap drama, it is dramatic because it's genuine and feelings that seem stupid and nonsensical are in fact sharply distressing and overwhelming and can drown you. Therefore, I have to take it in good faith that if Kana simply cannot recover while she's with Hatori, if Kana's depression and trauma are crushing her, then that is in fact literally the case. Whether Kana was already struggling with things, or whether this whole incident was on its own too much, it's still valid.

If Kana can't cope, then Kana would never have been able to cope no matter how much she could have "tried harder."

It's not her fault. And like everyone, Kana deserves to be able to live and thrive in an environment where she is not constantly distressed, constantly feeling guilty/being made to feel guilty over things that are outside of her control, constantly unable to get away from things that trigger obsessive thought spirals, constantly not getting the support she needs in order to be able to take care of herself, let alone Hatori.

Remember: the number 1 rule of helping people is to absolutely not let them drown you. Sometimes you gotta leave them and come back later when you can get a flotation device or something, even if it looks almost identical to leaving them to drown. Choosing to prioritize yourself by swimming away to get the help you need is not the same thing as having a huge and ridiculously empty lifeboat(s) but refusing to let anyone else in it (the latter being capitalist hellscape: a metaphor). It sucks but it's true.

(And Hatori is first in line in the "I don't blame Kana for needing this and for putting her own health and well-being first" camp.)

2) Kana: "Zero regrets." Akito: *injures Hatori's eye* Kana: "1 regret."

I believe Tokyopop's line was "It would have been better if we had never met." The typical implication inferred from that being, I believe, "I regret that I met you."

Went and grabbed the volume now to look at the themes….early in the relationship Kana talks about how Hatori must have been scared, of course he'd distance himself from someone he loved, but there's no need to be scared, don't push me away, I'm happy I met you, I want to be near you. So it's very much feels like an about-face when it ends with Kana saying "I think it would have been better if we had never met," even with things like "I'm sorry I couldn't protect you" sprinkled in.

The reboot dub has different nuances to me. I believe the line is more like "This wouldn't have happened if we had never met." The typical implication inferred from that being, I believe, "I regret that you got hurt because we were together."

And I think that distinction is very important for not feeling betrayed by Kana leaving and moving on, for not feeling that Kana didn't put much effort in really. "I'd never regret meeting you" to "I definitely regret meeting you" is a bad look here. "I'd never regret our relationship" to "I regret that our relationship hurt you" is a very different flavor. And the latter is certainly implied in the manga too it's just that the lines, without context, tend to have harsher default implications.

I also feel like "I want to be near you" is half an argument, arguing back against the idea that Kana does not in fact want this. Yes it references back to Hatori keeping his distance because he's afraid of the curse being discovered, but I feel like the emphasis on want has me always read it as Kana repudiating an off-screen earlier comment by Hatori that of course no one wants to be near him he is cursed and a monster and turns into a seahorse. The answer to that being, too bad you're not actually unlovable I actually do want to be near you.

I believe the reboot dub line was, simply, "I want to be with you" or something like that, with no particular emphasis on want. So the import of the sentence to me falls on To Be With You. Look I'll flesh out better what I'm trying to get at here in the next section, eventually:

3) Y'all I'm not sure Kana was actually let go from her job???

I have, in the past, been guilty of thinking that Kana ought to stick things out the way Hatori clearly stuck things out.

I have, in more recent years, realized that this is probably not a sticking-it-out kind of situation.

I mean, let's say section 1 was not an issue. AU where Kana magically gets cured of her depression after waiting it out long enough, somehow, even though that makes no sense because environmental factors are still at play. Actually that's what this section is about. Environment.

Let's have an analogy. A hypothetical you has a house plant that has thrived for a good long time, seemingly with no special effort, and you put it in a pitch black room, and it struggles for a while and dies. What the hell, the analogy!you says, somehow not knowing why this happened and thus feeling very righteously indignant. This plant has always thrived so well before and now it just gave up and died on me for no reason at all??? Oh yeah it has "problems" well how can it have "problems" now when it's never had "problems" before??? The thing this analogy!you has failed to understand is that plants need sun to grow (also needing sun to grow is not a "problem" it is not a "design flaw" and it is certainly not a sudden new occurrence), you deliberately placed the plant in an environment where you deprived it of sun, and then you blamed it for dying when you were the one who refused to give it the sun you had always given it before that had allowed it to thrive.

(This is also an analogy about ableism, if you were wondering about the sudden fervent passion there. An analogy about internalized ableism and support and capitalist hellscapes. I am, in fact, bitter. Thank you for noticing :)

Actually before I get to my point I want to collect together a sketch of Hatori and Kana's relationship based on the very blurry reference image that is canon, because otherwise I don't remember these things and can't keep them in place long enough to connect any dots:

Hatori and Kana's entire relationship is the span of about 1 year. Per the collector's timeline they meet in "winter," and ask to get married the following "fall-winter", and Kana leaves the Souma later that same winter.

They are probably just out of college, Hatori should be like 22-23 which I can assure you, from 30+ years, means they are babies. Looking back at my own life experience I can tell you in hindsight that it is definitely true that your brain does not finish developing until closer to 25 and sure "puberty" kind of peters out by the end of high school but from about 17 to 25 was an absolutely horrific brain puberty of idk mental illness??? It wasn't exactly the autism, that's always been steady, but the "anxiety disorder that picked up speed until I would have guaranteed multiple panic attacks a day every day with palpitations, vision blurring, extremities going numb, vertigo, disordered breathing, terror, and the absolute urgent conviction that I would throw up right there all over the customer's groceries and knowing I would get yelled at for running away and disappearing in the bathroom in the middle of an order since I never did in fact throw up so let's hope this time isn't the time it happens!, all while holding down a 40 hour constant-customer-service job" waxed to a terrible peak (let's see actually when we got the car I was 22 and I remember it was bad but hadn't fully crested yet at that time) and waned in that time and has since stopped existing somewhere past about 25. I can still technically have panic attacks but no longer have a separate panic disorder, and the fact that it was temporary plus the timing makes me think it was the brain equivalent of your knees hurting because you got tall. The point being, Hatori and Kana are old enough that people go "ah yes they are adults" but they are actually they are children whose prefrontal cortexes or whatever are still disasters. The point being Kana is a precious early-20s baby whose brain and body betrayed her horribly.

Hatori hasn't had an assistant in the years since, so I'm not sure if he asked for an assistant and was given Kana (and after was like "welp never doing that again, I can manage on my own somehow"), or if someone in Kana's immediately family was like "the job market is hard, please nepotism" and convinced Akito to magnanimously bestow the position upon Kana even though it wasn't necessary. That's probably not relevant. What is relevant is that after a certain point Kana starts laying out Hatori's clothes for him to wear in the morning because Hatori, a man after my own heart, hates making outfits to get dressed in the morning and thinks a suit is an all-purpose adult uniform so as to make the process easier and even then would rather someone just picked out his clothes for him. This means that they are either having "sleepovers" on the regular or Kana has fully moved into Hatori's place.

I think I started questioning whether Kana got fired from her job or not upon Akito vetoing the engagement because the reboot places her in Hatori's office for the line about no matter what Hatori said or did Kana did nothing but cry. Why that specific setting, rather than, say, the atmospherically dark and barren room that Mayu later visits Kana in? Is it because Hatori is a doctor and he is trying to treat Kana's illness? Is this simply before Kana stops being able to get out of bed? Did Akito say a huge fuck-you to Kana by informing her in no uncertain terms that Kana has no future with Hatori and must keep her hands off Hatori, but still must show up to work every day instead of being instantly banished? I assume Kana was originally "outside" family, but the room Mayuko visits Kana in seems to be "inside" still since Shigure had to sneak her in.

Which makes me suspect that Akito kept Kana close to really make a point before ultimately driving Kana away, instead of sending Kana away immediately.

Back to environment after that very long tangent. If this is the case, that's a really horrible bullshit situation. That is not a stick-it-out situation.

Every day, wake up in the room that was previously your room, instead of in your boyfriend's room which has been yours for many months. Have you had enough spoons to start moving your things back into your place? Existing is hard, now you are crying again. Get up and go to work, where it's just you and the man you love, the man you still love, the man you have been told in no uncertain terms that you have no future with. You will never get married. The head of the family will never sanction your marriage and the man you love will never marry you without that approval. The man you love will never leave this family. (Hatori has probably been honest and open about that, because it is True.) Feel guilty that you fucked up, that because you love this man and you want to be with him his eye is permanently injured and you both have to live with the knowledge that you can never be together. Feel guilty that you should have seen this coming (there was a reason you didn't openly admit you were in a relationship until you actually asked for permission to marry). Blame yourself, because who else is there to blame? It's not Hatori's fault, you know that, Hatori is the victim here. Hatori says he doesn't blame you, but Hatori also doesn't blame Akito, the person who is tormenting the two of you and who physically hurt Hatori. Hatori literally agrees that Akito is justified and that Hatori knew he was betraying Akito by being in a relationship with you. And Akito openly blames you at length. Based on all evidence you can see, based on the abusive environment you are in, it is clear to you that you are in fact to blame for everything that happened to the two of you. You thought you were making Hatori's life better, you thought the two of you would be happy, but that is clearly not the case and you certainly can't undo it all or make things better now.

There is no light at the end of this tunnel. Things will never get better with time. Akito's mind will not be changed. Hatori's mind will not be changed.

(That leaves Kana. She can either bend—change, accept the end of this relationship, leave—or she can break. She does both, but in reverse order.)

This is not like Yuki, sticking things out until he meets Tohru, until he meets Kakeru, and his world opens up and his mom relents on controlling his future. He had no guarantee the light was there, but he decided it might be and walked for long enough to find it.

This is like Kyouko, trying to stick it out to stay with Tohru but unable to overcome blunt force trauma and blood loss. This is like Kyou, who says the worst thing he can think of to prevent Tohru from confessing she loves him, because he knows they can never be happy together because he will be locked in a shed on the Souma property until he dies and Tohru will not be allowed to step foot on the estate. These are not situations you can wait out.

(This is also like Tohru, who does want Kyou to do what makes him happy because she loves him as a person, who knows she can be okay with Kyou loving someone else because she genuinely wants that for him. But not right now, right now she is not at all okay, right now she is recovering from a head injury and she's only a teenager and she hasn't processed and she can't just stop feeling her feelings no matter how much she tries to repress them and she can't cope and she cries every time she hears Kyou's name even though she knows this isn't the end of her life and her happiness. Being able to be okay in the future is not at all the same as being okay now.)

"I want to be with you," Kana said. But she can show up to Hatori's office every single day for the rest of her life and she will never, ever be with him. Being in the same room is not, in fact, the same thing as being with him.

I think the despair and depression eventually would have gotten to Hatori as well. I think it is a matter of Hatori simply being a different person, as well as having different life expectations. Kana has, presumably, always expected to marry a man she was wildly in love with and have a family. Hatori has, presumably, always been told that he will become a doctor, have a perfunctory marriage and a perfunctory child if Akito approves. (Hatori was the first one to tell Akito he was seeing someone, so until that incident they were all unaware that Akito was not actually going to let any Zodiacs marry anyone.)

For Hatori, falling in love with Kana was an unexpected surprise and Akito ripping them apart was a sudden-but-inevitable-betrayal and a return to the status quo. For Kana, falling in love with Hatori was exactly as expected and Akito ripping them apart came out of nowhere with no logic and was not something she would ever have predicted or been able to see coming.

So while it was still also traumatic for Hatori, I think it affected him differently. I think it was a thing he could more readily cope with, at the time. And once he made the decision to suppress Kana's memories, Hatori suddenly saw the light at the end of the tunnel. This was the only way out for both of them. His life would be the same as he'd always expected, and now Kana's life would be again, too. She wouldn't be heartsick anymore over her destroyed relationship with Hatori; at worst, she'd have the idea of an unreciprocated crush, a fantasy that never panned out (not a reality that turned out to be unsustainable), disappointing but still status quo. She would leave this godawful family and go out of town. She would have the opportunity to meet someone else under circumstances where she could be happy.

So even though it broke his heart to do it, I think Hatori didn't feel trapped as soon as suppressing Kana's memories became a real option. Life is so much easier to bear when you have the option of an escape route. No matter what the situation is, if you're trapped and you have no options it's absolutely intolerable and you're consumed with how horrible and intolerable it is and how much you want to get out but you can't get out and every day it's harder to breath and you can't look ahead at all because you have no hope of things ever changing. It's Kana getting set free that allows Hatori to cope with a future where he has no prospect of a happy marriage, that allows Hatori to cherish his memories of his relationship with Kana instead of being hurt by them.

I think if the possibility of Kana getting her memories suppressed and sent away had not been on the table, sooner or later Hatori would have fallen prey to his own despair-spiral.

Anyway...I can't remember if I had any more thoughts to elaborate on...this has been a very long post to say "it's important to remember that life sucks".

--

Welp after that wall of Sad Kana Hours I think I'm going to want ready access to previous shenanigans!Kana posts:

shenanigans!Kana toasts her former boss hot doctor at his wedding to her bff

shenanigans!Kana and Momiji are amazing I love them

[idontblushsrry]

Kyoya Ootori||SFW Alphabet

A/N: Here’s Kyoya 4 more to go!

Word Count: 1753

A: Affection (How affectionate are they? How do they show affection?)

Kyoya shows affection very subtly. Honestly you might feel like you’re stuck in a Victorian novel especially at the beginning of your relationship. He’ll brush his hand along the back of yours and then smile at you like oh that was intentional, ok. He’s really trying his best, but he’s not very obvious with his affection, all of his love tends to be conveyed through words and actions of caring.

B: Best Friend (What would they be like as a best friend? How would the friendship start?)

As a best friend, Kyoya is lowkey a gossip. He’s not going to tell everyone what information he has but if you come up to him complaining about how so and so was bothering you, he’s already got a journal full of secrets and he’s ready to ruin someone’s career.

C: Cuddles (Do they like to cuddle? How would they cuddle?)

Kyoya likes to cuddle but he prefers to be the big spoon, this is solely because he doesn’t want to be woken up early just because you had to go to the bathroom or something. He only cuddles during night time and if you do wake up before him, he’s pretty easily fooled if you just replace your body with a pillow.

D: Domestic (Do they want to settle down? How are they at cooking and cleaning?)

He definitely wants to settle own, not just because of his family and him feeling like he’s obligated to settle down, but also just because he’s a traditional person in the sense that he wants to marry the person he fell in love with. As for domestic skills, Kyoya can’t cook or clean for SHIT. The only skill he’s got is probably managing finances and things along those lines but if you asked him to cook, he’d somehow find a way to burn water, just a bad time for everyone involved.

E: Ending (If they had to break up with their partner, how would they do it?)

If Kyoya doesn’t break up with you via text message (or letter if he’s feeling fancy), he honestly probably just tells you upfront that he doesn’t view your relationship as something he has a vested interest in continuing. Ouch. 

F: Fiance(e) (How would they feel about commitment? How quick would they want to get married?)

Commitment for Kyoya has always ben somewhat of an obligation. He feels like he has to propose to you if you’re relationship is becoming serious. He’ll discuss it with you of course, but the man is very committed to those he loves and what better way to show that than marriage?

G: Gentle (How gentle are they, both physically and emotionally?)

Not very physically gentle, again, he’s just not very physically affectionate. When he does initiate physical affection with you it’s always with a measure of unsureness and caution. Emotionally, he’s a bit more gentle. Kyoya looks for the type of person who can keep up with him especially intellectually, with him it’s like no words are needed, you both just get it.

H: Hugs( Do they like hugs? How often do they do it? What are their hugs like?)

Kyoya’s hugs kinda suck. He doesn’t give them often, let alone initiate them, and if you hug him, he’ll just stand there kinda surprised and at a loss for what to do. At least he’s nice to hug, he’s got this cologne that smells like a warm fireplace during a winter storm that smells so comforting.

I: I love you (How fast do they say the L-word)

You definitely say ‘I love you’ before Kyoya. He expresses his love through tender gazes and lovesick smiles so he definitely assumes you get the message. However, if you express to Kyoya that you’d like to hear him say that he loves you, he’ll oblige.

J: Jealousy (How jealous do they get? What do they do when they’re jealous)

Kyoya doesn’t really get jealous, it’s not a matter of arrogance, more like, he knows that you’re with him and he’s with you. He doesn’t act out either on the off chance that he does get jealous because he was raised to bottle things up. In fact, the most Kyoya’s ever been jealous was in the beginning of your relationship/before you were dating where he was sure someone was gonna come by and sweep you away.

K: Kisses (What are their kisses like? Where do they like to kiss you? Where do they like to be kissed?)

The way Kyoya kisses is by cradling your face and just kinda going for it. He prefers to kiss you on the lips but he doesn’t mind placing them elsewhere if things get more intimate.

L: Little ones (How are they around children)

Kyoya kind of sucks around children. He’s not rude to them or anything of that sort but he just doesn’t find himself having anything in common with them and doesn’t really care for the topics they find interesting.

M: Morning (How are mornings spent with them?)

Mornings with Kyoya depend on if he’s off or not. If he has work or an early morning obligation of some sort, you’ll probably have to wake him up. He sets alarms but he’ll just swat at his alarm and then go back to bed, can’t exactly do that with your s/o now can you? However, if he has the day off or doesn’t have to wake up early, he won’t let you leave the bed until he’s ready to wake up. He’s surprisingly hard to move when he’s dead asleep like that.

N: Night (How are nights spent with them?)

Nights with Kyoya, he tends to stay up late and then just pass out on the nearest surface. If you happen to be awake long enough or pass him on the way to the kitchen/bathroom/etc., please move him into your bed. He will complain about his back problems if you don’t, if you can’t move him (which fair tbh he does deadweight) please give him a blanket and pillow, when he wakes up, it means the world to him.

O: Open (When would they start revealing things about themselves? Do they say everything at once or wait a while to reveal things slowly?)

Kyoya reveals things very gradually to you over time, he’s a very layered person and while certain aspects of his true personality may bubble up, you’re gonna have to put the full picture together on your own. Unless you’re like Tamaki and can just see through all his bs. 

P: Patience (How easily angered are they?)

Kyoya is actually pretty easy to anger. This is because of his no nonsense attitude as well as his general grumpiness with the world. Although, no anger can top Kyoya’s anger from being woken up early.

Q: Quizzes (How much would they remember about you?  Do they remember every little detail you mention in passing, or do they kind of forget everything?)

Kyoya remembers every detail you’re willing to share with him. He writes most of it in his notebook but somethings he likes to keep to himself and surprise you with later on.

R: Remember (What is their favorite moment in your relationship?)

His favorite moment in your relationship was when you suggested your next date be at a flower viewing. Kyoya initially thought it might just be like a boring “commoner” thing to do but as the date went on, he ended up really enjoying himself. The sight of you surrounded by flowers was also a plus

S: Security (How protective are they? How would they like to be protected?)

Kyoya’s family has essentially a private police force, in addition he also has personal guards, best believe, you are protected. Don’t even worry about trying to protect him either, he has people on payroll for that

T: Try (How much effort would they put into dates, anniversaries, gifts, everyday tasks?)

Kyoya puts a lot of effort into dates, anniversaries, and gifts. The man always knows when there’s a special occasion coming up and has already planned for every step of the day. As for dates in general, he likes to spoil you. He has absolutely no problem with flying you to somewhere like Okinawa for example, just because

U: Ugly (What are some bad habits of theirs? (I’m gonna add arguments here because they aren’t on the prompt list I found))

A bad habit Kyoya has is that he tends to try and test people and their limits with no prompting. He’s very secretive in general so that plus his sudden decisions to test people can lead to some bad arguments. The worst argument you’ve gotten into to date is when he suddenly started flirting back with his guests during the regular day and you got jealous and snapped.

V: Vanity (How concerned are they with their looks?)

Kyoya is concerned with his looks in the sense that he has a reputation to uphold. He’s not arrogant by any means but he does take pride in looking good. Plus Tamaki recommended a skin care routine to him once and now he’s hooked

W: Whole (Would they feel incomplete without you?)

He views you as his better, he doesn’t feel incomplete without you but he can feel himself turning back into his sort of middle school self pre-Tamaki when you aren’t around.

X: (E)xes (Any previous relationship experience. How does that factor into your current relationship?)

He has no previous relationship experience. He has experience flirting of course and he’s had crushes before but he’s new to this, please be gentle.

Y: Yuck (What are some things they wouldn’t like, either in general or in a partner)

Kyoya doesn’t like people with forceful personalities. He tolerates it for the sake of being polite and his image if nothing else but this man cannot stand when people are pushy and always have to get their way. He also hates boring people.

Z: Zzz (What is a sleep habit of theirs?)

Canonically Kyoya is a heavy sleeper, this can be kind of an issue at times. He’s a hard worker who stays up late on things he’s passionate about which means he might fall asleep on whatever’s closest. There’s been more than one occasion where you’ve walked over to him sound asleep on his laptop with a document covered in keysmash from where he slumped on the computer.

[moonlightmagus]

𝐌𝐮𝐬𝐞 𝐅𝐚𝐯𝐨𝐫𝐢𝐭𝐞𝐬 : 𝐏𝐫𝐞𝐟𝐞𝐫𝐞𝐧���𝐞𝐬

 ✧ Animal:      Butterflies! Mainly Morpho Menelaus! 

✧ Flowers:     Hydrangeas 

✧ Scent:         Earthy Aromas, freshly turned soils, Fresh Tea

✧ Coffee:       Yuuki’s never had Coffee, so she isn’t sure.

✧ Tea:            Green tea, it’s herbal and helps her calm down. One of the few pleasures she was allowed.

✧ Drink:         Green tea! 

✧ Alcohol:      Yuuki is a light weight, so she doesn’t drink a lot. She’s more of a social drinker and will drink what others are drinking, especially if it’s wine. 

✧ Food:         Mostly Italian style dishes. She really likes the flavors and the Pasta. Pasta is her favorite! 

✧ Dessert:     She never really had a sweet tooth, so doesn’t care for a lot of desserts. Mainly whatever they give she will eat. She isn’t picky. 

✧ Clothing:    Growing up she didn’t have a lot of choice in the matter of what to wear. Her parents although wealthy, didn’t think it was a good idea to waste money on buying a bunch of brand name items, and mainly she was given some worn down clothes. However, going to the clock tower changed that. She mostly wears the Mage’s Association Mystic Code, although sometimes she’s in flower outfits and things with butterfly prints. Bright clothes

✧ Candy:      Konpeitō! 

✧ Left or Right Handed?:      Right handed! ✧ Sloppy or Neat Writing?:    Neat writing. She prides herself in making sure all of her notes are quickly written but never sloppy. 

✧ Clean or Messy Home?:    She always keeps a clean place, if not for any other reason than she doesn’t have a lot of things in her room. A plant from her friend Kei, and a little star in a jar from Voyager. 

✧ Shower in Morning or Night?:      Morning if she has time, otherwise at night. Sometimes she will do both if she trained rather hard in the simulation room. ✧ Tasks Done Early or Last Minute?:       Early/on time. Yuuki does not like to do things last minute.

✧ Love Language?:        This would be rough for Yuuki, as she still has difficulties believing she even deserves love. It would have to be a close of two of them. Quality time and Acts of Service. Yuuki believes in spending time with the one she cares for, and doing all she can for them. Be it producing some home-made blanket she has lovingly spent days crocheting or sewing by hand; Or some honey she crafted from growing the flowers herself. Pouring them a glass of water/wine, making them dinner.  If those are not something the other would like, she would then just try to spend some Quality time together, be it in silence or listening to them tell stories. Reading books in the library, or listening as one reads aloud to her or even reading to them. Gardening with them, or cooking with them. These are all things Yuuki values and would do to try and show her affections. Though, she would do these whether in a romantic sense or in just a regular sense. Yuuki loves humans and other people. She’s found value in others, even if she cannot find it in herself. Someone to exist, whether it be as a Servant or another human, she loves it. She loves them, in a sense. It’s why she fights so hard to make sure everyone feels welcome and appreciated as well as to fight to save Humanity so much. She wants everyone to live.

✧ Believe in Love at First Sight?:        She believes in it for sure! It’s entirely possible for someone else to fall in love at first sight. She hopes that it could happen to her, but she knows it’s just a fairytale for others to experience, not her. No one could fall in love with such a default looking person. 

𝐓𝐚𝐠𝐠𝐞𝐝 𝐛𝐲: @aurivore Thank you! I’m so sorry it took months! 𝐓𝐚𝐠𝐠𝐢𝐧𝐠 : @fakcr @cantillat ( How about Yuuki’s BFF Keiko!) @nulltune @tenkoseiensei  @tricksheart @electorofhell @electricea  @xdcwntherabbithole​ and you! Feel free to steal it everyone and tag me if you want! 

[in-tua-deep]

Are you into my hero academia? What about an AU or crossover with tua?

UHHHH I am technically, like, peripherally? I watched some seasons of the show like two or three years ago and since then have simply absorbed all content through osmosis, reading fanfiction that has canon events, and my sister telling me about the arcs of her fav characters lmao

so a crossover hmmm

First of all you'd have to like, establish whether bnha is an alternate universe or just The Future If No Apocalypse with quirks being traced back to the descendants of the kids born without mothers

So let's say it's that - the glowing baby was the "first quirk" but the truth is people had powers before that. But - well, the Umbrella Academy was obviously a marketing gimmick to those in the future! There were even comics based on them

In the future, you might find some of those comics in museum exhibits dedicated to depictions of powers in the pre-quirk era, but they're just fun depictions and much less popular than, oh, DC or MCU comics which are also in the exhibits!

End of s2 doesn't happen I guess in this au?? No sparrow academy at least lmao. So, the Umbrella Academy stop the apocalypse (again) and the Commission threat is? Neutralized? Whatever. They decide to jump back to the future

Five warns them that time travel is a crapshoot, that he has no fucking idea when they'll land beyond some nebulous "future" because Five can at least control the direction if not exactly how long

Also, Five is like. Super tired. Incredibly tired. Homeboy still has a healing gut wound, time traveled twice, has been jumping all over the place, gotten even more injured, experienced paradox psychosis, and managed to undo time all in the space of like, two weeks. There actually more than that but we don't have time to get into how fucking tired Five is from his ~Month of Hell

Like genuinely this is like putting someone almost delirious from lack of sleep in the driver's seat of a car and expecting to get to your destination in one piece

But hey, the siblings are like "do it uwu" and Five has sacrificed everything for them already so why not get behind the wheel again

So Five jumps them, and of course something goes wrong because Five has pushed his powers like a great big rubber band and honestly it was only a matter of time before he lost his grip and it snapped back to hit him

So here be the umbrella academy: spilled out into the future like a cup of bad coffee.

Five probably isn't in too good of shape tbh, like they're hundreds of years in the future (but hey at least confirmation of no apocalypse am I right) in a world full of superpowers and Five is like. bleeding from his ears and nose probably idk

Let's handwave a little bit - Reginald made them all polyglots so the squad all speak varying levels of Japanese. Allison is the best at it, Five is second best but tends to use more archaic words bc he had missions in Japan back when he was with the commission, and Klaus is third best.

(Ben is the worst bc he decided when he was 16-and-dead that he didn't have to do anything regarding lessons and maintenance and hasn't given a shit since - but also he's dead so)

So you have a bunch of weird adults with a bleeding child in like, an alley who have appeared from nowhere

so of course heroes get involved

Anyway, the squad get taken in and Five is conscious but like, barely? And he's not going to let himself get separated from his siblings again fuck-you-officer and there is a lot of confusion

anyway detective tsukauchi ends up getting involved and ends up having to hear this batshit story and be like "...truth." which sends all kinds of people scrambling because fucking time travel? Like yeah, it's been theorized to be a possible quirk but there's no recorded cases of any sort of time travel that is for more than 24 hours let alone hundreds of years

"I'm an adult." Five says sourly, "I just happened to be returned to my 13 year old body when I time traveled one time."

"True." Tsukauchi says, feeling his soul leave his body, but like. absently. the way he does when he's called in at 2am after getting off of work at midnight.

"I'm 58." Five says.

"Lie." Tsukauchi says, because this is a headcanon hill I will die on.

"I'm probably 58, but it was hard to keep track. I'm at least 50." Five corrects.

"True." Tsukauchi sighs like these six (seven? they keep referring to another sibling and Klaus said 'ghost' like that was fine and it registered as true and Tsukauchi is not nearly paid enough for this) are not giving him a migraine by just existing

on the bright side there's like, probably protocols in place for individuals who are Legally Chronologically Adults but thanks to quirks are Not Physically Or Not Mentally Adults with tests to determine if the individual needs a guardian or not

though i'm gonna be honest idk if Five would pass the test bc he literally cannot take care of himself at all, has never paid taxes or understands how to exist legally, and also his emotional maturity is stunted as all hell. also like. we don't actually know how much being in his thirteen-year-old body affects his mental state but yeAH Five is vibing

anyway Tsukauchi probably phones a friend on this bullshit because Time Travel Child alone is probably enough for the Hero Commission to be like "find a way to control and use it or nuke it from orbit" and that's not even touching whatever the fuck Klaus is doing (shit gets real once 'dead men tell no tales' stops being true) let ALONE Allison's whole deal

on the bright side like, at least Vanya isn't getting side-eyed that much bc Big Destructive Quirks aren't exactly unknown? if vanya wanted to i guess quirk suppressors exist for that until extensive training on how to control a super powerful quirk happens

Tsukauchi in the group chat: Aizawa please I am literally begging you to take this bullshit on

Aizawa: in this economy? with my class?

RatGod: lol we'll take them ;3c

Aizawa: no

Anyway they probably end up having to live at UA while Five insists on trying to get them home still and everyone else is like "oh hey we used to be child soldiers as well! (:" and Aizawa is like "i hate everything about this and everything about all of you but also like nedzu is making me interact with you so :/"

nedzu is out here vibing like "lol i just don't want the hero commission to get their little paws on these time traveling fuckers, i think you should make then teaching assistants or something"

honestly the siblings are probably like. figuring out how to function in the bnha universe and getting like, legally registered and stuff while Five ferally refuses bc that's like saying he's giving up on getting them home and he can do this

Recovery girl tries to heal him a little when he arrives and he passes out for two weeks like, immediately bc homeboy is running on fumes and spite at this point

also i think on principle it would be REALLY FUNNY if the squad got to tag along with the class bc like. Five is thirteen and the class are all 15. this does not sound like a large age gap. anyone who has interacted with teenagers know that the class would squint at Five and be like "who is this sassy lost middle schooler."

I feel like when I was a sophomore we were still like "freshman... babie" even though we were literally only one year older.

i think the difference between the umbrella academy and school kids would be pretty funny like. objectively the bnha kids are lowkey child soldiers?? like they're 15 and fighting villains but like, there's all this red tape and laws and stuff but,,, deku still be breaking his limbs in a child fighting ring against equally superpowered children for like. entertainment and sponsorships sooo

but also like Five would be like "oh cool when is the experimentation class"

"the what"

"you know, when your powers are pushed real hard by putting you in different terrible situations while your dad and sibling stand by with clipboards writing down the exact voltage it takes before you can't use your powers anymore when being electrocuted"

"hound dog's office is right there. therapy is available to you at any time. i need you to know this."

all might calls Luther "my boy" like one (1) time and Luther just breaks down crying probably because he is starved for positive attention

klaus and midnight get along like a literal house on fire, aizawa tried his best to keep them apart for as long as possible but god damn

(klaus: your name is shimura nana??

all might: immediately dies choking on blood)

i feel it absolutely necessary to point out that aizawa, present mic, and midnight are all like, 30? and the umbrella academy are all between 29-early 30s? they are PEERS but like. the umbrella academy are more chaotic due to childhood trauma

the umbrella academy probably get offered to like. also train to be heroes. i mean,, there HAS to be some sort of track for people who change careers right?? you don't have to cement your future as a hero when you're 15 i'm sure there must be something and the squad already have experience if they want to go be legal heroes

diego probably does at least?? diego just vibes honestly. diego gets momo to make knives during a team exercise and they just go feral on everyone else and it ends with diego highfiving momo and someone getting way to close to being stabbed for comfort

Five might just be. legally enrolled as an Actual Student? But also i think it's funny to picture the entire squad just. all in the back of the classroom with luther trying to fit into a high school desk as they take notes on the laws of The Future surrounding heroics

every word out of the umbrella academy's mouths just make everyone more concerned on principal but like, five and klaus are probably the worst offenders. Klaus just says whatever comes to mind with no filter and Five doesn't get what people would consider to be abnormal anymore like

Five: yeah our dad bought us when we were babies and experimented on us throughout our childhood in order to make an elite team of child soldiers superheroes, it happens

Todoroki: ...have you heard of quirk marriages?

izuku probably has an aneurism bc he's is the only person who might recognize them from the comics because you know ya boy extensively researched the idea of heroics in pre-quirk eras (batman was an inspiration alright???) and might dredge up a memory of a less popular comic series

Five: I can time travel but it is very hard, which is why we are hundreds of years in the future. And why I look like a child.

Kaminari: so are you a kid or not?

Five, serenely: whatever is most convenient for me at any given moment

Mina: hell yeah game the system

they have a brief lesson on astronomy and Luther raises his hand like "ooh! i was isolated on the moon for four years and did SO MUCH research" and then just gets up and starts infodumping like way too much information on the moon

Izuku sitting there like "damn if quirks hadn't popped up we could have achieved so much in terms of space travel. please tell me more giant man who lived in pre-quirk era."

Vanya finds out about the quirkless and is like "oh mood that genuinely sounds like my childhood, being ordinary in a house full of extraordinary people, and then i found out that i did have powers but only much later in life after i had already been emotionally scarred by the experience"

deku: vanya we have so much in common

iida and uraraka: concerned noises

aizawa: hound dog. therapy with hound dog for all of you.

there's probably some conflict with like, the hero commission wanting to get their hands on the time travelers?? but probably especially five and klaus as a) time travel and b) ghosts (the hc def has bodies they would like to stay buried)

five has a pavlovian reaction to anything with 'commission' in the name and hates them on site, probably plays into his age in order to become a ward of UA or something to protect him from the commission a little bit.

(this makes nedzu Five's legal guardian. aizawa has his resignation papers all prepped in a drawer marked 'in case of emergency' but let's be real, if nedzu wants to take over the world aizawa should probably be on the rat-bear's side of things :/)

five: ah, i do recall the inhumane experimentation that we were subjected to

nedzu, who was experimented on: haha same hat! want me to dig up the location of reginald hargreeves's remains so you can spit on them?

klaus: nah no worries we dumped them out in the courtyard unceremoniously like, a while back. how long ago varies for each of us because of time travel!

luther: you said hound dog's office was down the hall and to the right?

on the bright side, Luther probably feels like. way less self conscious about his body, partially bc of his fighting and all that in the 60s but also bc !! now he genuinely doesn't feel like a freak. no one even gives him a second glance. one of the teachers looks like a slab of cement with a face. gang orca looks Like That. there is literally a student with an entire bird head and goth aesthetic. Luther does not stick out at all

allison and shinso bond over having "villainous" voice-based quirks

allison and shinso having worn muzzles at some point in their youth as punishment 🤝

aizawa probably helps train vanya as well with the whole, being able to erase a world ending quirk safely thing he's got going on which makes for a very nice safety net

i don't think vanya would want to be a hero at the end of things though. maybe the assistant teacher in the music class or something?? all vanya wants is to be able to not end the world

i feel like as time goes by, five brings up trying to get home less and less. part of that is because like,,, genuinely what do they have to go back to?? Allison has Claire, but like. I'm 100% sure the first thing she did in the future was try track down Claire's records and found out Claire was like. fine. became an adult, had a family, probably became the ancestor of the first "quirked" kids who officially popped up after light baby. had a good life, died at an old age etc. etc.

they start settling into the bnha world with like, "we can always hop aboard the five express into where the fuck ever" as a plan Z if things go completely pear shaped (again)

i'mma be real, five himself doesn't give a fuck as long as there is a) no apocalypse and b) his family is alive. Like that's it. His bar is so incredibly low and yet his life keeps fucking trying to limbo under it

i just think it would be funny to have like, Five trying to get along with his "peers" and make friends while the siblings do the same but like, in the staff room

also think it would be funny for five to just walk into the staff room and get coffee occasionally.

a teacher: why is a student in here -

Five, sipping coffee: i'm an adult

nedzu like "what kind of guardian would i be if i didn't teach my new son all the tunnels around ua so he can pop out wherever"

five like "hey new dad can i put stashes of supplies all around ua of weapons, money, food, and other assorted things that might be useful if one needed to fight or make a run for it" and nedzu is like "haha just put your list of what supplies you want in your go bags on my desk and i'll critique it later!"

anyway a bnha/tua crossover would be incredibly chaotic but probably very funny

[blindbeta]

I just saw someone asked about making a character blind in their novel and you responded about ways to avoid it being portrayed poorly. I wanted to ask, could it also help if part of the arc is the character accepting becoming blind?

Like, even if it happens in some kind of accident, or like them becoming blinded as a sacrifice for the team, would it be a bad portrayal for part of the character's story to be realizing it's not the end of the world, that being disabled doesn't make them completely useless, etc?

Or is that sort of arc also ableist?

[Note: I used the words non-disabled and abled interchangeably here. Both refer to people with no disabilities. After a conversation with some of my followers, I decided to make an effort to be clearer about who I referred to when I used words like able-bodied, because able-bodied may, for some people, refer to people without physical disabilities or without any disabilities at all. There are times when the distinction matters, even when people said they can usually tell based on context whether or not able-bodied is meant to include them.]

Writing About A Character Accepting Being Blind After Going Blind - When You Aren’t Blind Yourself

An arc about a character accepting becoming blind doesn’t feel good to me and I’ll try to explain why.

I’d rather read a story about a character who happens to be blind, in whatever way that happened, than read a story where a writer who isn’t blind tries to write about a blind character accepting being blind. I just finished a similar book and it did not go well. There are some things that research cannot teach you. There are some stories that aren’t yours to tell.

I don’t want to read about a non-blind author, especially a non-disabled author, writing negative things about my disability.

A character starting out feeling overly negative toward their blindness already feels bad to me. Why? Because the author has to write negative, sometimes completely wrong things about being blind. When I read stories like this, I am bombarded with stereotypes or myths which are rarely corrected by the narrator, who is usually traumatized and somewhat isolated as they heal. Many of the things they think or say are not checked or revisited. Mean things other characters say or think about them are often internalized by the narrator. Things that, in real life, are said to blind and otherwise disabled people as truths. As tough-love. As part of the supposed -Real World-. As bullying. As ignorant, innocent questions. As rude comments.

All of these things are not even coming from a personal place. The author writing these things- while they probably don’t agree with them, of course- is still not blind at the end of the day.

Readers who aren’t blind may not understand the nuance of why some of the things they read were ableist if it isn’t called out in the narrative in some way, which can sometimes happen when the narrator says something negative about their new disability. This isn’t to say readers shouldn’t do their own research or examine the story more closely. This isn’t to say the author is at fault for the interpretations of readers who refuse to think beyond what is laid out for them. When I say this, I am being realistic. Not all readers are going to be proactive. Not all readers are going to approach a book about a person going blind from a good place.

Most of the time, this is just something the author needs to accept. It is impossible to anticipate the strange interpretations of every reader. However, this narrative can be dangerous to a reader who has never met a blind person. Keep in mind, most people aren’t doing what you all are doing. They just read what is given to them. And if what is given to them is a helpless or self-loathing blind person, they might believe in that image. That book may be the only expirience they have with a blind person and they may not read any other books with blind characters.

Another thing I thought of was that non-blind authors sometimes don’t understand how hobbies and skills translate to blind people. For example, in a story I read once, a character who was going blind practiced playing piano and typing on a keyboard blindfolded so they could learn how to do without sight. However, blind people can already play instruments even if they were born blind. Blind people can also easily type on regular keyboards and, technically, correct keyboard technique means typing without needing to look at the keyboard.

Authors who don’t understand what it is like to go blind often don’t get the nuances of what that person is losing and not losing. And it often shows. They also don’t often include the aspects of blindness that are actually challenging. Why focus your worry on typing on a keyboard when you can learn how to use assistive devices in the kitchen or learn to cope with anxiety you anticipate will get worse after losing vision? Why not try to find accessible copies of books you have or scan or Braille sentimental letters? Why not organize your closet so you can find things more easily?

Obviously this is related to characters who know they’re going blind, though.

It favors non-disabled readers, which is ableist.

Another reason this type of story bothers me is because it is so common. Or at least people expect it. This type of story is one abled / non-disabled people can swallow and feel inspired by. Showing the blind person accepting their blindness also favors non-disabled readers in ways I may not be able to articulate well.

Accepting disability is an arc non-disabled people are comfortable with. It is a feel-good type of story that usually doesn’t challenge people too much, other than to remind them not to bully people. Already, this story is not even for disabled people, or in this case, blind people. It exists to introduce people who aren’t blind to the idea of becoming blind, to blind technology, to inspirational ideas about how blind people actually can do things. Stories like this guide abled people along and prioritize their ideas about blindness. Because the narrator is almost always previously abled, the story is about adjusting to blindness in a way that caters to non-disabled people.

How does a story with this angle benefit blind readers? Even if a blind person has also recently gone blind and wants to see a character who on that journey with them, what can a writer who isn’t blind say that blind writer couldn’t say? Or say better? Or say with more power? With more nuancel? With more personal experience?

And it may seem like saying this arc is ableist is too much. Keep in mind, ableism isn’t just about being rude to or excluding disabled people. Ableism favors those who are able-bodied or neurotypical over those who are not. It favors those who are not disabled over those who are. This story is just another way of doing that. Often, people are ableist through what they consider kindnes. Authors are not exempt from that.

Disabled authors should tell their own stories

This is where I will get some pushback. (I already received some here if you think it will be helpful to know what this is like.)

There are a few parts to this.

First, I want everyone to know I am not telling you what not to write or that this type of story, at least with elements of this narrative, can never be done well. However, the more care you take when writing it and the more you know about why it can be ableist, the better you will be able to write it. I’m still not sure I would want to read a book that is dedicated to this topic of accepting blindness, but who knows?

I also might feel more open to this narrative from a writer who experienced becoming disabled in some other way and was open about it. While they would still need to research blindness, some of the issues I named here could be avoided through having prior personal experience that non-disabled people simply don’t have.

If, however, you find yourself upset or feeling excluded by this post, consider what I wrote again. Consider why you think you are the best person to tell such a story with this particular arc.

I am also not saying that non-disabled writers could never write this topic well. I just question, again, what they can add to the topic of accepting blindness that blind people can’t already add. This is also assuming they were able to avoid some of the issues I listed above that might come up. Which would be difficult on top of doing all the other research they need to do in order to write a book. Why make it harder for themselves?

Now that I’m done with the disclaimers, accepting blindness should be something mostly left up to blind writers. This narrative is so closely tied to the trauma-based / incident-based blindness that it can be hard to separate them, but I feel like the readers of the blog have thought hard to suggest ways to improve or subvert that trope and the problems that go with it. Maybe they can do the same here. Maybe not.

Anyway, the reason I think it should be left to blind writers is because of the personal experience I mentioned previously. Acceptance will come from a more authentic place. Anything that comes before the acceptance will also come from an authentic place and blind writers will know how to deal these issues a little better.

Blind writers will know how to write this topic well. They can center blind readers in a way that many arcs like this don’t.

As a side note, blind writers also need more recognition and attention. This arc is specifically about or mostly about accepting blindness, which blind writers are intimately familiar with. Their stories should be prioritized in this area, at the very least.

If a non-disabled writer decided to do this topic, I think it would help to read and public ally promote books and other works by blind people.

Thank you for asking this question.

This was a really great question and I want to thank the anon for asking. I really appreciate the chance to discuss this topic. If anyone wants to expand on this question or figure out ways to subvert this arc, feel free to ask. Also, remember that I am not authority on stories about blind people, but I feel this opinion in shared by many of us and it should be known so writers can be aware.

Suggestions for alternatives.

1. Include only brief instances of acceptance and / or make it only related to blindness instead of accepting blindness as a character arc.

It will depend on how you do it, but brief, less direct instances of acceptance could be done well. One thing I’m thinking of is Toph challenging her father in The Blind Bandit. This could be seen as a form of self-acceptance for Toph, one which is related to her blindness without being the entirety of her need to accept part of herself, which gives her the courage to disrupt the view her parents have of her. Toph doesn’t struggle with being blind. She struggles with something related to being blind, which her parents being over-protective, limiting her freedom and expression, and putting her a gender role box.

The rest of Toph’s story wasn’t completely about being blind either. The writers, who weren’t blind as far as I can gather, handled this part well, and so I wanted to include it as an example.

Obviously, this can also be done badly, but that’s what beta readers are for. I personally would prefer the acceptance arc only be tangentially related to blindness, especially when combined with the trope about going blind through trauma / incidents / accidents.

2. Start in a different place.

You could start the story or character arc in a different place, rather than starting directly after going blind. This could be years later. After they already adjusted to the bigger parts of being blind. This saves you the need to figure out how to get around it.

Some parts of this ask might help.

3. Focus mostly on the practical stuff rather than the emotional side.

Focus on things like cane skills, adjusting to using screen-readers or needing to increase font sizes to read. Focus on learning to cook. Make the arc less about emotional stuff and more achieving goals. While I can understand how this might bother some blind people, I think it can work if blind readers are consulted, especially readers who went blind later in life. I wanted to include this as an option just in case people are determined to include going blind in the story. I think, if the author is careful, it could go well. A few narrative justifications for not writing the typical acceptance arc include:

-the character was already blind in some way first

-the character has a blind sibling, parent, or friend they grew up with

-the character got counseling or the story mentions they are getting counseling

Alternatively, you could also focus emotional difficulties on the traumatic incident, if there is one, and not the resulting blindness.

4. Write different stories - expand what stories about blind characters look like.

Writers have so many opportunities! I don’t see why they would feel the need to write a story primarily about going blind and learning you aren’t useless now after all, when they could be writing about a blind mermaid challenging the Mer Queen and falling in love with her instead. When they could be writing about blind space pirates creating new technology for other blind people. When they could be writing about a blind witch reclaiming their sexuality and also learning to dance to make their coven less worried about their social life after going blind.

See this post for more ideas about expanding the typical stories.

If you are creative enough, none of my claims that certain topics being best left to blind writers should stop you. If you feel limited, you might be trapped in the idea that blind people only have one narrative: trauma, sadness, helplessness, and just maybe, acceptance. If you don’t feel limited, you are in a good place.

Blind readers want other types of stories, too.

I hope this helps some of my followers. Thanks for the interesting question, anon. If anyone has any questions or would like me to clarify something, feel free to ask. I wrote this at night when I was tired. I have missed some things.

-BlindBeta

P.S. The ideas I pitched at the end are free to use if you feel inspired by any of them.