#because an absence of something is a missed presence.... you will always indirectly refer back to the thing you are trying to avoid

[therevengeoffrankenstein]

if any of my fanfics get published at least i can rest assured that i didn't post any of the original versions so nobody can know 100% sure for real just what my original intent was 😇

[buzzykrueger]

The moment when Gon’s priorities start to change - ch. 64 and 65

While working in my meta of the separation scene (which will take some time still, sorry), I came across these chapters again: 64 and 65. Two of my favorite. As a linguistic and literature student, I’m always trying to catch hints in Togashi’s writing - we know he carefully thinks about each word used. Have a good read and keep in mind is just a thought -  and the dialogues and panels chosen to be showed in here are meaningful. This is not a deep research with theory references, but just some of the various examples of how artistic and textual strategies work in Hunter x Hunter, that they are not random and how even the slightest changing of words and switching perspectives can impact the story in order to provoke a reaction, meaning something to the audience, leading us to a way. 

Anyways.

The boys had just finished the Heaven’s Arena, with tons of hints of how they would bond more and more, for example, Killua wanting to evolve with Gon in the same pace regarding both the Floors and the Nen training. The scene where Killua and Gon are meditating together, Killua getting more protective of Gon, as they soon become a pair. 

They take a short well deserved break: it’s time to visit Whale Island. After all, Gon came to Kukuroo Mountain, and Killua wants to recollect what is home to Gon, too. Fair enough, it’s how I understand he’s self-inviting. 

When they arrive. we are introduced to the fact that Gon, someone who deeply cares about his family, hasn’t called once since he passed the Exam. Of course, he got extremely focused on rescuing Killua and then training with him in the Arena, getting distracted. Not that he doesn’t care about Mito or anything, but he’s found something that kept his focus real heard. And Mito imagines what it is. 

Their dialogue and her glance right after that hint why she can’t even be angry at Gon - because she’s not looking at him, only. Every time it would make sense to show only Gon but we get to see Killua by his side, too, is a visual message to the readers. Mito could’ve only looked at Gon, ‘cause she just met Killua and he’s not related to her. But she observes the meaning of his presence, even if Gon does not say it.

The star gazing scene, one of the most important in the story and something we are very familiar with so, sorry to bring it up again - I know you all must be tired of seeing the same panels (but I adore it and I will keep using it). It starts with scenery that are important memories of Gon’s life when he was alone, now bringing a new meaning to them, someone to share with: Killua.

When Killua approached Gon’s plans from now on, and after getting his answer, he questions what he should do. Gon says that he should come with him. 

And here is another example how a simple choice of words - not only the words itself, but the timing when they’re said and the position, the “breath” between then, or even their absence - can mean so much as fantastic and complex storytelling strategies. Because Gon only gets to know that Killua, actually, doesn’t have any plan AFTER he asks him to join. He’s not asking because Killua don’t have it - he didn’t know that before he asked - but because he wants him to stick together. This is why it’s important that this request was said and showed before Killua elaborates on his feelings, so we can know that it’s not because “since you have nothing to do”. And fun fact: Killua is the only friend that Gon actually insists to not leave. The chapter when Kurapika and Leorio head to their goals, Gon just said “oh, already? - okay, see you/good luck/something like that”, with a honest smile. And I know Gon says “see you around” to Killua at the separation scene, but it’s also the first time he's shown unsatisfied with this decision, not smiling at all, implying he’s not okay.

Continuing, its Gon putting Killua in a place that no other belongs. It’s a re-signification of Killua, Gon’s favorite places, his home and their future - everything starts to change and take form to the audience. 

To Gon, it’s about sticking together because they like hanging out. This is the main reason for his request, since it’s the first thing he says about it - and further he adds their individual reasons, to be more convincing, but the core is what it is.

As we know, Mito overheard everything, specially the moment when they start to compliment her and Gon says she is his real mother. Then, later, we have chapter 65, now a re-signification of Gon’s relationship with Ging and Mito.

After accidentally hearing his words, we can interpret that she’s not that insecure anymore about losing Gon to his new found career. It was bittersweet when Gon left, after all “he is indeed his son”. But she realizes he’s different from Ging - he comes back, he values her, he could be in search of something he doesn’t have like news from his biological mom but instead, he chooses to embrace what he does have. Gon can’t even imagine how impactful his reassuring words were, and it’s also a opportunity for Mito to let out the resent on Ging and the Hunters, giving place to finally trust Gon. 

And she tells him what the absence of Ging means to her. How she got hurt, but still wanted to have him around. And that’s when Gon takes Ging out of his place in his heart: it’s time to put him in his true place and make space for those who stay: Mito and Killua. 

We don’t need to give titles and special places to those who are undeserved of it and should just perform a specific role in our lives as we let them. Mito herself craved for Ging’s attention, always running after him, seeing him only by his back, hiding/missing just for him to come to her aid. Gon realizes that it’s what he’s doing - he does not have someone to call a father, because Ging never make up to this title. He downgrades Ging to the same person Mito knew.

And now, even if he still feels the urge to prove Ging he’s not weak and undeserved of attention, company and worth, he definitely is not the same person and does not want to be. Ging is not the “dad who I want to follow the same steps” anymore. And then, we go back to Killua:

 “But Bea, what does this have to do with Killua? We’re only seeing Mito and Gon there!” Actually not! We’re seeing Killua too, but not physically. We get to connect Killua to this scene by a simple line Gon said one chapter before, about Killua’s meaning to his life:

To Gon, it’s enough just to know this answer. Why? This line is VERY specific, literally the same thing he said to Killua in the previous chapter. He chose to bring it to table. It’s a soft - and literary - way to say his priority changed and to connect Killua to his objective. He reclaims Mito as his real mother, downgrades Ging AND shows what it comes first at his mind now - wanting to know if Ging had the same thing he has with Killua, stating his friend’s importance. “Look, Ging, how far I got. Who I took with me. Did you have this?” 

And this could easily be sided with the end of Greed Island, when Gon says the first thing he’ll do when finding Ging is to introduce Killua. ‘Cause in his main goal now, the first things that come up to his mind aren’t being just like Ging and reunite with him anymore - it’s the “friend around my age”, it’s “Killua” and everything that refers to him. It changed. Gon was behind something he didn’t have, his father presence and some pride, and comes back with something even better he didn’t have either: a true friendship, who wants to be there and assure his worth. 

And for me, that is the reason Togashi ends Mito and Gon’s conversation with a specific panel, not of them, not with a picture of Ging, not with the sky only... but with this:

Killua. A person not mentioned in their dialogue directly, and someone who’s not family and isn’t in the same room as them. But that is there, respecting his privacy with Mito. This is there for us to catch. It’s not a direct exchange between Gon and Killua, they’ll still do it in their way, because its meant for us: when two characters are not showed together in the same situation/moment, but are referred directly or indirectly, it’s a writing choice that means “it’s for you, the readers, to connect this.”

Togashi could've never put the “did he have friends his age?” line that wouldn’t make a difference - we would go with this Gon “new approach on Ging” because of how Mito feels, and would be satisfying enough. But the author, with this sentence used in the previous chapter and this panel, it’s reclaiming the audience to catch Gon’s new focus and remind us of Killua, that he’s there, relaxed, patient - and does not intend to leave. 

EDIT: I truly think Mito will play a major role in the realization of Gon’s feelings. She’s, since the beginning, an important person and a cog who makes his significations move, first subconsciously, now more actively - but I’ll elaborate more on that in future posts. 

Not deep, not a serious research, but something fun to elaborate that is implied in text, i’m used to catch this stuff and seeing by this perspective by dealing with literature classes on a daily basis. Does not mean I’m an expert or that I’m right, but that is something I’m quite sure its on purpose. Hope you all enjoyed!

[123moiaussi]

First off, thank you so much for the tag @gripefroot 💖. I feel incredibly honoured and lucky to be apart of your tag list as I’ve loved your other fanfics and I adore your writing.

I apologise for only writing down my comments now but I felt like I needed to do your fic justice. So, buckle because I have 6 pages of comments and ideas and just me fawning over your writing✨

We start off chapter with the absolute banger of a vision. This section of the chapter is so different to the rest and it works perfectly well. It manages to highlight the contrast of what I am assuming is a vision that Elain has had recently (or maybe it’s from way back that she hasn’t spoken about it yet).

I notice that you’ve made references to some certain and absolutely wonderful theories; specifically @offtorivendell & @shadow-singing. I’m waiting in anticipation to see how you’ll weave these wonderful theories into the storyline🌅

Girl, you had me sold by the description of the night in Velaris. 

“The night was an inky black shield dotted with the silver and gold (I legit imagined starry night). Velaris far below, the stars above and only the whistling wind and thump of his own heart for company.”

This small section is magnificent. The detail is brilliant and  poetic. I just love how the description indirectly emphasizes how silent and beautiful Velaris is as well as how as is also a still at this moment. Just before the wolves come 🐺

Following on from the wolves thought, the metaphor of the wolves as Az’s inner thoughts and wants is great. The association of wolves evokes the idea that his thoughts torment him (how they hound-him if you will).

Az’s shadows are so sneaky and they’re this mysterious entity. His shadow’s always react to Elain’s presence even before he notices. I’m excited to see how the shadows are drawn to Elain since they seem to betray his orders and reservations around him by inviting her into his room. They seem to ‘cling’ to her and maybe they’re collecting intel on her and her relationship to Azriel.

How you use the description of Elain as well as the contrast between his actions and his thoughts is phenomenal. He’s physically still but his thoughts portray his wants🥵🔥

Onto the first section of dialogue. It’s not very flowery or descriptive (the direct conversation between them) in nature but it shows how they can read each other pretty easily. I appreciate how you’ve made Elain very blunt with Az. She’s hurt and confused and she’s looking for answers (as she should). Her observant nature is highlighted with her watching his body language and his wings as he is observant of her facial expressions and reading the emotion in her eyes.

Along with Elain’s bluntness, there is this innate sense of vulnerability that she cannot hide. With her family, she finds it easy to mask her emotions or prevents people from seeing how things affect her. Feyre, highlights in ACOFAS that Elain’s mask is cracking but she braves it all. This scene shows her without her mask and that is vulnerable🎭

“Secrets were best whispered alone in the night: Azriel had always known that. Known that honesty could burst out at the right moments, if prodded enough, uncaring of the consequences it could bring.”

Instead of brushing her off, Az recognizes this vulnerability and puts his own reservations and feelings aside. It’s likely that Az’s understanding and capability of listening to people has been learnt through spying👀🕵️

It is very interesting to see how Elain prioritizes Az’s feelings. In the canon text, we can see how Elain tries to not disappoint the people around her as well as be a source of joy for others. We can see in this chapter that she misses him but feels guilty for being the reason behind his absence at family dinners and his isolation. She is willing to give up time with her family and something that she enjoys (well at least then there wasn’t this awkwardness between them). With this in mind, Az’s comment on her not caring is stark in contrast to the reality. By prioritizing Az’s feelings, Elain is showing through her actions that not only does she feel guilty and responsible for his unhappiness but what she is willing to do to ensure that his spirits are lifted. As a bonus, we see Elain’s determination  when she makes the decision to stop attending family meetings so that Az can attend. 

“You’re hurt when I’m not there,” he said. “No different than I am at your absence.”

Finally Az admits that he is unhappy because there is distance between them and this really ups the angst. With the following paragraph, it’s interesting how Az is attempting to rationalize his thoughts, feelings and words along with Elain’s. He sees this as some sort of Love game (I had to drop a Lady Gaga reference here since I had the opportunity to do so)👩‍🎤. This interaction accentuates how the distance between them pains them but on a small scale what they are willing to sacrifice to be near each other (which could be foreshadowing for something). 

Elain’s confession is chef’s kiss🤌💋It perfectly reflects Az’s POV. She feels the same amount of angst as Az does but for different reasons but have the same basis: they can’t be together because of a social expectation of respecting an unwanted mating bond. They stay away and hate it because it feels like punishment. They are avoiding their feelings but it doesn’t help dilute their feelings, it makes the angst and desire more intense😩

Despite Elain’s confession, Az is still trying to convince himself that she seeks him out for necessity, such as, to relieve herself of her wants and desires, instead of the deeper reason. With her declaration that she cares for him and wants him, we know along with her words and actions that she is drawn to him and is willing to accept all that he is. Elain is willing to break rules and disappoint her family (which was highighted as a potential fear and insecurity she has in the Feysand Bonus POV) to be with him. With this she is taking a stand for what she believes in and she is allowing no one (including Az) to decide for her. Yet, he can’t see why she deems him worthy because of this self-loathing issues. Those definitely need to be addressed and I’m sure that you will address them 😉

In addition to this, the punishment line really hits the nail on the head with what Elain and Az are both feeling and my goodness is it excellent. It mirrors some of Az’s confessions in the canon POV and its brilliant🪞

Even with the risks that Az states, Elain is willing to do whatever it takes to be with him and provides him with solutions. He is trying to rationalize fighting against his feelings and she’s replying back with answers she can see what he is trying to do and is attempting to stop that train of thought. She is committed to making this work (and this follows through in chapter 2) even when Az has his doubts. This shows the growth that she has gone through in the background of the series and I am here for it.

Ugh, I love love love this raw honesty in their dialogue and actions. 

“Once I have you…I won’t be able to stop wanting to have you.”

“I’m afraid….of what my life will be without you. I’m afraid of wanting you for the rest of my life with no hope of having you.”

“There’s nothing in me that can deny you.”“

These are honesty bars, they could easily be set to beat and placed into an operatic ballad.

When they say each other’s names, if it doesn’t happen in canon (next book) at the same level of angst and adoration, I don’t want it. This made me have incoherent thoughts with how good it was. And in addition to the names, how Az is affected and concentrates on every movement and every touch is so good.

“Will you have me?

Will you risk it all?

He could see in her shining eyes. I would risk it all for you.”

And to top it off, even though its already so angsty and passionate, their final confession isn’t even said. It is seen and understood and wow I love how brilliant it is. They can read each other and thank you for putting the stake in the heart of the miscommunication trope because that definitely isn’t their style. 

Once again, it is significant that despite the declaration, Az still tries to convince her that being with him is a bad idea. The subtext highlights that he still feels unworthy of her adoration, sacrifice, and her attraction. He is trying to convince himself that she is hesitating or wants something else because he is baffled that she has chosen him. He promises to do anything and everything to be worthy of her yet she tells him she only wants his heart. He is willing to destroy Ramiel, that is quite the declaration🗻

Now onto the more physical and steamier parts of this chapter. Ma’am the tension and chemistry for the rest of the chapter is absolutely phenomenal. He hasn’t even kissed her but they can leave each other breathless. Call it what it is: undeniable attraction and devotion ( starts playing Call It What You want - Taylor Swift).

 AND THEN HE HAS THE AUDACITY TO SEND HER AWAY!!! Wow, the way I wanted to throttle him because he hurt and confused her again. We know he’s trying to savour her touch, her smell, her taste and everything but he feels unworthy of it. He wants her everywhere and he wants her in his heart just like she confessed that he is in hers.

I’m beyond excited to see where this story goes and what you have planned. Thanks once again for the tag✨

A Court of Dusk and Shadows ❲1❳

The throne was white. 

No - it was every color of a sunset. With the descending sun blazing behind it, it turned gold and orange and pink and purple. New shades spreading across with each passing minute as night crept on. And beneath it - shadows lengthened and spread from the carved base, wild and free. 

The throne beckoned. Come sit, it said to me. Come take your place. 

Beyond the throne were marble pillars that stretched proudly into the sky, woven with vines of moonflowers and orchids. I could not see any roof - dusky clouds obscured the view. And below, far, far below - the sea rippled in shining waves, beating against the island in shimmering hues. Boats with bone-white sails seemed to drift forever. Distantly I could hear voices: voices laughing and talking and teasing and bargaining. The calls of animals, the hammer of forges. 

And everything smelled of salt and fragrant flowers and lemon. 

But I could feel, rather than see, what was making my heart wrench away from the lovely sight. A hand outstretched in front of that throne, leading up to a smiling face clear of sorrow and fear. 

A scarred hand. Extended from the dark, and I knew that between us was where light and shadow met.

Come sit, he said, echoing the throne. Come take your place, and I’ll be at your side forever.

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