#what's your deal karkat

[dualdeliverence]

I had a great time at SAHcon this year! I missed out on the big doodle board last year, so I jumped on it as fast as possible this time. Took the opportunity to draw a rarepair (?) and some not-so rarepairs

[tgcg]

tell your loved ones

-- turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering ectoBiologist [EB] at 12:01 --

TG: hey im on the john

JOHN: hey, dave is taking a dump.

TG: taking a shit just so were clear

JADE: jeez!!!!!!! even when im not online i have to hear about it

TG: i know you care so youre first to know

JOHN: i'm just giving you a heads up for the bajillion messages you will definitely have about this when you get home.

EB: god, thank you. that is awesome. dave fans everywhere are gonna go NUTS for this truth nugget.

EB: hey, i am at the store with jade!

TG: tell her the news

EB: i did as soon as you first pinged me, don't worry.

TG: hell yeah see you just fucking get it

JADE: well tell him i say congrats!

EB: she says congrats.

EB: also that you left your "yeah! woo!" machine at her place.

EB: and that you are gross and smell like a dog took a dump on a fart even when you aren't crapping during our conversations.

TG: goddamn

EB: jk that last bit was me heheh. but she nodded!

EB: so anyways, a yeah woo machine?

EB: what the hell even IS that?

JADE: its more or less a machine that yeahs and woos

TG: its basically a machine that yeahs and woos

EB: ok, yeah, that is pretty much exactly what jade said too. apparently this is supposed to be obvious.

JADE: its pretty self explanatory!

TG: pretty self explanatory stuff

TG: anyways im gonna tell karkat this time i think im ready for that

EB: oh shit (LOL), that's a pretty big deal, right? good luck dude.

--

-- turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering carcinoGeneticist [CG] at 12:03 --

TG: ok karkat can i be unbelievably candid with you is dj crabapple ready for this

TG: this is a really big deal for me but like no pressure

CG: SHIT, IS EVERYTHING OK?

CG: DO I NEED TO COME OVER THERE.

TG: no no its good i just really need to confess something

CG: WHATEVER IT IS, TELL ME. I'M HERE.

TG: alright

TG: deep breath strider

--

TG: im dropping mad logs like bars in the ablution block vantas

TG: shit is on fire

TG: downright heretical like a shat outta hell

TG: and since im feeling penitent i figure our pesterlogs are pretty much akin to a confessional booth right

CG:

--

-- tentacleTherapist [TT] began pestering turntechGodhead [TG] at 12:04 --

TT: Hey Dave.

TT: Are you, by any chance, taking a shit right now?

TG: damn word spreads fast on the information superhighway

TT: Yes, I have had the news forwarded to me via this bountiful virtual dimension of knowledge and culture we call the World Wide Web by a fellow enthusiast, one ectoBiologist.

TT: Frankly I'm heartbroken you didn't come to me about it first.

TT: Please, divulge to your loving sister the nature of your bowel movements, in exhaustive detail. Highlights in a notarized list, an overall ranking grade of your experience, whether you would recommend it to your friends, et cetera. These would be among my most pertinent avenues of inquiry.

TG: you were next on the mailing list rose im already on it

TG: boutta weave a verbal tapestry no holds barred just for you about my rambunctious foray down in brown town

TG: stay tubed

TT: Thank god. I don't know what I would do if I couldn't peruse your commodal follies like the morning gazette.

TG: dont act like this has educational value rose

TG: we all know my daily bullshit has got a laugh track

TG: like damn what kind of gazettes are you getting

TT: The best kind, Dave. Only the best kind.

TG: thanks for the vote of confidence

TG: wait gimme a sec karkat pinged

TT: Of course. I understand it's quite a big deal for you.

--

CG: OK.

CG: SINCE THIS APPARENTLY SKIRTS THE FRESHEST BUDS OF OUR BRO-DOM'S BURGEONING FROND NUB, I *ALSO* HAVE SOMETHING IMPORTANT TO SHARE.

CG: I HOPE YOUR REFLECTIVE ABLUTION VAULT IS STOCKED WITH FUCKING RUMBLESPHERE TRANQUILIZERS, BECAUSE THIS EXCHANGE IS ABOUT TO GET SHITHIVE MAGGOTS.

CG: LISTEN CAREFULLY.

TG: whats up

--

CG: I AM ALSO ON THE LOAD GAPER RIGHT NOW.

TG: oh shiiit

CG: DON'T UNCLENCH YOUR EXPLOSIVE FUCKING SEED FLAP JUST YET, BECAUSE THERE'S *MORE*!

CG: I AM *ALSO* TAKING A CRAP.

TG: oh shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit

CG: OH SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT

[nekropsii]

what are some common character misconceptions that you often see get thrown around in the fandom?

[thewertsearch]

And now we have to deal with this motherfucker.

It’s probable that Scratch knew things would play out like this, which means this message was always intended for Karkat.

...it's probable that that's the case, but there's always a slight possibility that we're in one of his dark pockets. If so, then Karkat wasn't supposed to see this message, and might be about to learn something Scratch doesn't want him to know.

Mr. Vantas.

Dang it.

I'm delivering this message through the console of one of my numerous unwitting proteges to give you a word of advice, and then you will not hear from me again.

Characteristically unhelpful - and in fact, it might not refer to either of Eridan's victims. We still have Tavros's corpse to deal with, and I'm sure there'll be more bodies hitting the floor before the day is out.

All of the bodies in the room remain as they were. There is clearly nothing to be concerned about whatsoever.

Feferi has an eldritch connection through the Horrorterrrors, and they could probably pull some dark magical shenanigans to get her body moving again. I think that's unlikely, though, since Feferi's ghost is active in the Dream Bubbles, and I don't think she'd actually want to be revived. After all, she's go a job to do.

I'm still convinced that Kanaya's coming back, but it's hardly going to happen while our back is turned. We're out of Kernelsprites, so she can't be prototyped - and we can't use her Dream Moon Slab, if it even exists, because Prospit's been destroyed by Jack.

Frankly, I can't think of a single realistic way to revive her short of time travel, and that's not a road we want to go down. I'm really trying not to think about what that might mean.

I guess that leaves Tavros.

There's definitely something going on with him that we don't understand. He was about to smooch Vriska before she stopped him, and the Breath symbolism surrounding the act makes me think it was more than just a typical Dream Self revival kiss. He has a hidden power, and that power seems to kick in when someone's dying.

Could Tavros be a little less dead than we've been led to believe? It's possible - his arc doesn't scan as complete to me. He'd only obtained the merest shred of confidence before Vriska brought him fatally down to earth, and I think there are still many interesting places you could take his character.

CG: THERE YOU ARE, YOU HAD ME WORRIED DUDE […] CG: QUIT THE BULLSHIT PARTYCLOWN ANTICS AND GET YOUR ASS BACK HERE. […] TC: shut up. CG: WHAT… TC: I SAID SHUT THE MOTHERFUCK UP, MOTHERFUCKER. TC: honk honk honk :o)

Gamzee’s rocking a new quirk. He’s still swapping cases, but they’re alternating every message rather than every character, as though his mind is less scrambled than it used to be.

Could this be how he talks when he's off the slime? He already seems more aware than before, and his grumpiness evokes a hangover - but he's honking more than he used to, which is the opposite of what I'd expect if he was sober.

CG: SERIOUSLY, GET BACK HERE NOW, AND HAVE A SLIME PIE TO RELAX OR SOMETHING. TC: SLIME? TC: there is no more slime, brother. TC: AND ANYWAY. TC: shit was motherfuckin poison, didn't you know?

Yup. It looks like Gamzee’s gone cold featherbeast.

It's not a great time for this to happen, but it's not like we can stop it now. I highly doubt Gamzee was forward-thinking enough to reproduce his pies through alchemy, and things are a little too tense right now to try getting clever with an Appearifier. For better or worse, his supply has dried up for the foreseeable future.

So now, for the first time, we're interacting with a Gamzee who isn't out of his mind on soporifics. His shift in personality is already pretty drastic, and I'm interested in seeing what the real Gamzee is like.

[myhedcanonicfables]

Confessing Gamzee, Karkat and Eridan

please, i wait your requests!

Gamzee:

He worries less than many people. At least because his religion helps him.

«HeY i hAvE oNe IsSuE»

If you refuse him, Gamzee will be upset, of course, but he will not sad you for long.

Probably, it's just nice for him to admire the good features of a person and be his friend.

And if you agree, he will eventually take on subconscious responsibility. He may be a relaxed person, but he gives priority values to close people.

Karkat :

He is definitely heistates. «SURELY. IT WOULD BE A SHAME! IS IT WORTH IT?»

Karkat also definitely does not like himself and expects this from the reader, even if he has always been treated well.

But okay. In the end, for him will be easier to move on. Therefore, it is solved after not too long.

If you refuse him, then this is what he was preparing for. Therefore, with prepared sadness, he continues to strive for common friendship. But also, he can refuse future friendship too.

But how surprised and happily Karkat will become if you agree.

Now you are a couple, so it's time to experience his accumulated experience gained in movies.

Eridan:

If we are talking about a human, then he will need to step over his pride even more and for longer than with a lowblood troll.

He is unlikely to idealize his love in ordinary circumstances. But he understands his feelings quickly enough

Eridan hesitates a lot in front of whoever it is in this deal. He's afraid of shame.

And he'll get angry if you refuse. Of course, he will be very upset, and he will certainly be much more detached.

But maybe he won't show much joy if you agree, he still will treat you much better. Very.. protectively.

But whoever you are in the troll hierarchy, Eridan will be proud of his partner.

[homestuck-archive]

HOMESTUCK: BEYOND CANON 6/12 NEWS POST

Hi, James here. Happy American Karkat day. European Karkat day, of course, being on the 6th of December. That’s how birthdays work. Don’t look it up.

Some of you may have noticed I am going to be on a stream with a “Virtual Tuber.” Depending on when exactly this goes up, that might actually be going on right now. If you are coming from over there it is very likely you are just now learning we are still doing Homestuck in 2024. Welcome back. You missed a lot but don’t look any of that up either.

What news for the birthday boy? As you may have seen across various platforms we’re partnering with Makeship, and launched a petition for a Highly Marketable Karkat Vantas Plush! The way this works is, they gauge interest by seeing if we can get 200 people to pledge they’ll buy it before the company commits to producing anything. Their business model allows them to do this at no up-front cost to us which is good because it takes a lot of money to manufacture and ship things. Once we reach our initial goal they then move forward with production and do design revisions, prototyping, etc. They send us a little sample and once we’re all approved and on the same page they do a limited pre-order run. For the first 399 pre-orders we get a 10 percent revenue share, which then changes to 30 percent once it hits 400. You might be thinking “Hey man, that's not very much!” and you’d be right, but they cover all manufacturing and fulfillment and shipping costs. And I don’t own a warehouse. So. This is fine with me.

I did promise to try and be more transparent with what's going on behind the scenes, even when it is boring. The thought process here is that, while less lucrative overall than producing and shipping ourselves this will allow us to try out more merch options. We’ve designed some apparel, and are working out something with Andrew and the usual merch guys. This might take a while, I am still new to this. That Vinyl is still on the back burner as we wait for a few holdouts that sort of make or break things. (There are people who are notoriously hard to get in contact with, so it is taking a while and I overestimated my ability to get this done in a timely manner while in poor health. That's on me.)

The whole idea here is to get you guys some cool stuff, and to pay my team more. Right now the Patreon is doing alright, and we’re trying out some new exclusives over there. Music previews, merch previews, and things like that for paying members. Nothing required to enjoy the comic, and things people will all see eventually. Since I’m trying to pay my team as fairly as possible I split everything we make evenly. Right now, for each team member it comes out to a few hundred bucks each per month which is pretty nice for getting to work on Homestuck, but isn’t exactly a liveable wage. And you see how much work they put into it. I want to give them the world, short of that at the very least a fair wage for all the work they do. Also I don’t know if you’ve noticed but a sandwich costs $19 now for some reason. That in mind if you are a company or private individual and want to pay me to promote your product let's talk. We can work something out. I will put it in Homestuck. I will make Rose Lalonde say she loves the bold refreshing taste of Diet Mtn Dew G’raha Tia Blast. I am not joking. This is my solemn vow. Maybe it's time to bring back the “Your Fantroll Gets Put In Homestuck” deal.

Anyway, two updates this month. I Like this schedule, so it looks like we’ll be keeping it up for the near future.

So to Summarize the key points so there’s no room for confusion:

Karkat Plush Makeship petition (the pre-pre-order, even) is now live

Trying out this style of limited run merch to see what's possible

Apparel incoming, not sure when

Still trying to work out details with musicians, sorry.

Fun new Pateron exclusives, including music and merch previews. Maybe more?

Open to more collabs

Sticking to shorter, more frequent updates for now.

Ok, thanks everyone have a good one.

[turnstechgodhead]

Give us the Kanaya🙏

man you guys did NOT leave me hanging

first: a drawing of her

second: she is Big

she's the matriarch and she will end up being that for a long time

adult-molt kanaya's hands are inteded to invoke the beldam from coraline's. i love the tink-tink/precise nature of them

kanaya in general im kind of pulling 'white diamond' from su as well. designwise, not personality wise, obviously.

her cape/veil is reminiscent of WD and also Dolorosa

her tail is pretty long compared to other trolls bc its More prehensile than others. (karkat could for instance grab onto something with his tail. he can move it mostly subconsciously)

kanaya's is completely prehensile. biological use for carrying/dealing with grubs

ok fine i wasted your time enough heres what yall want

size comparisons

also

[ask-turnedtechgodhead]

this thing on

fuck yes aight check this shit out-

DAVE, I'VE BEGRUDGINGLY COME TO UNDERSTAND THAT STANDING IN A CORNER ALONE SPEWING THE TYPE OF NONSENSICAL BABBLE ONE MIGHT EXPECT FROM A WRIGGLER IS WHAT PASSES FOR ENTERTAINMENT IN YOUR EMPTY THINK PAN.

I'VE EVEN BEGUN TO APPRECIATE IT, IF ONLY BECAUSE WE NEEDED *SOMETHING* TO FILL THE AGONISINGLY LONG SWEEP WE WERE STUCK ON THAT OTHERWISE SILENT AND YET SOMEHOW JUST AS MISERABLE FUCKING ROCK HURTLING THROUGH SPACE TOWARDS CERTAIN DEATH. BUT WHAT IN THE EVER-LOVING SHIT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING WITH THAT BULBOUS FUCKING OVERGROWTH JAMMED AGAINST YOUR RIDICULOUS EYEWEAR?

damn man i thought we covered this in our human tech 101 lessons. its a camera- I KNOW ITS A CAMERA. I WAS TRYING TO LOWER MYSELF TO YOUR LEVEL SO THAT MAYBE YOU WOULD DECIDE TO GRACE ME WITH YOUR ATTENTION AND ACTUALLY LISTEN TO WHAT I HAD TO SAY. try harder SHUT UP. AND ANSWER THE QUESTION. how the hell am i supposed to answer the question if im shutting up? cant have it both ways bro. cant just have your cake and eat it too you either eat that bitch or shut your mouth forever and starve to death- HOLY SHIT WE BOTH KNOW YOU AREN'T GOING TO SHUT UP EITHER WAY. COULD YOU AT LEAST DO ME THE MERCY OF TELLING ME WHAT THE FUCK YOU'RE DOING BEFORE I DROWN IN THE PUTRID STREAM OF BULLSHIT CASCADING OUT OF YOUR MOUTH?

documentary CARE TO EXPAND UPON THAT? OR AM I NOT WORTHY ENOUGH TO GET MORE THAN ONE WORD OUT OF YOU? SHOULD I BE PROSTRATING BEFORE YOU THANKING YOU FOR DEIGNING TO GRACE ME WITH ONE WORD FROM YOUR TIGHT ASS LIPS? 'DOCUMENTARY'. TRULY A HOLY WORD. RELIGIONS WILL FORM AROUND THIS ONE WORD, DAVE. HOLY BOOKS WILL BE WRITTEN ABOUT THOSE ELEVEN LETTERS. TODAY WILL BE CELEBRATED NOT AS THE DAY WE CREATED A NEW UNIVERSE, NO- TODAY WILL BE FOREVER MARKED AS THE DAY DAVE FUCKING STRIDER SAID 'DOCUMENTARY'-

AND GET THAT FUCKING THING OUT OF MY FACE YOU NOOKWHIFFER

holy shit check it out im being censored already

karkat do you support censorship

is this what this is karkat

is this where we find out that this entire session has been your master plan to create a new world for you to go stalin on its ass

because dude im so down to create some propaganda for supreme leader vantases glorious reign

just let me finish this shit first cmon man

HOW THE FUCK AM I SUPPOSED TO AGREE TO THAT WHEN I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT 'THIS SHIT' IS?

i told you man

IF YOU SAY DOCUMENTARY I SWEAR-

documentary

about the creation of the new universe

no big deal or nothing just thought it could be mildly interesting to get on camera

idk ill probably tape over it later for some shitty sitcom rerun

do you think theyll have the simpsons on the new planet

god i hope they do

AM I SUPPOSED TO KNOW WHAT THE FUCK THAT IS.

troll the simpsons

YOU CAN'T JUST PUT 'TROLL' IN FRONT OF SOME PANDEAD EARTH THING AND EXPECT ME TO KNOW WHAT IT IS AND HONESTLY, I'M DOWNRIGHT FUCKING INSULTED THAT YOU'D THINK THAT ALTERNIA HAD ANYTHING EVEN REMOTELY COMPARABLE TO YOUR EYEGOUGING EXCUSES FOR 'MEDIA'. MY PLANET ACTUALLY HAD STANDARDS, UNLIKE YOUR MISERABLE PILE OF DIRT.

says the guy that was responsible for that pile of dirt

and didnt even record its creation

imagine being an absent father to a whole universe karkat. what the fuck man

thank god im here to break the cycle of abuse

OH, I'M SORRY I COULDN'T RECORD YOUR WASTE OF SPACE PLANET BEING CREATED - I WAS TOO BUSY NEARLY GETTING MURDERED BY THE MURDERBEAST *YOU*-

oh shit idiot shuts up now

thats you youre the idiot

STRIDER I SWEAR TO FUCK

dude seriously shut up

hes doing it man

hes making it hapen

=>

[caligvlasaqvarivm]

i never noticed the hints towards pale Solfef! in light of that, i think it's interesting that Eridan pursued Feferi in the pale quadrant while desperately wanting her to end up in his flushed one, meanwhile Feferi pursues Sollux in the flushed quadrant, despite them seemingly destined to be pale lol guess seadwellers are used to swimming up current lmao

that said, what are your thoughts on Erifef? do you think Eridan actually wants her flushed? or is that another subconscious tactic of his to keep her(someone he deeply cares about) by his side?

personally, i'm of the opinion that though they do care about eachother, they could never work out flushed. i think Eridan -though very enthusiastic about her and thinks they share the same troubles that comes with being so high on the hemospectrum, as well as isolated via physical location and the requirements to meet seadweller expectations- doesn't actually want redrom with her, but he knows pale isn't 'good enough' plus prefers to go to Karkat for all the traditional pale stuff. dude doesn't realize they can just be friends and she won't abandon him(cue Feferi abandoning him the monent she leaves quadrants with him, further exacerbating that fear lol)

meanwhile, on Feferi's end, it's too much to go into here but i think she has struggles with being present with others. so though i think she also deeply cares about Eridan and was absolutely miffed he was going to Karkat for things that she(being his moirail at the time) should have been talked to about, i think she has a lot of character development to go through before she can really pursue quadrants as something she needs and wants and not something she thinks she should do. i think flipping pale with Sollux could have been that catalyst but alas :' ] it seems Hussie changed his mind

So, personally, I do actually think Eridan's flushed feelings for Feferi are real... kind of. The fact that he has 0 self-awareness really makes talking about his feelings difficult because everything needs to be qualified with "this would change if he were capable of taking a step back."

The "kind of" here is because I don't think it's necessarily Feferi, the PERSON, that Eridan's in love with, but rather, the Feferi that exists in his head. To Eridan, Feferi is a bubbly, adorable, cheerful girl who's nice to everybody and doesn't have a mean bone in her body. He literally says that he thinks she might be too nice to have a pitch relationship with somebody, which is definitely not true, as Feferi can be plenty mean, and there's plenty to find flawed about her.

The first reason for this mistaken belief is that that's definitely the way that Feferi believes herself to be, so it's how she presents herself, and Eridan believes people when they tell him stuff. The second is because, in Eridan's shitty, friendless life, Feferi has been his one constant - the person who's always been there for him, the only person who's consistently nice to him (until he meets Karkat, and even then, Karkat is master of the mixed signals, and Eridan implies that death threats and insults are regular banter between them), and oftentimes the one person who cheers him up when he's at his lowest.

I think a lot of people in the fandom are too hard on Feferi - she's genuinely well-meaning, and most of her bad points come from ignorance and privilege, not manipulativeness or spite. She doesn't consciously realize it when she's treating Eridan poorly, and she makes real efforts to be a good moirail to him, even though he doesn't usually reciprocate those efforts. I think she suffers from the Umbridge Effect, where Eridan's problems - being on such the extreme end of trauma and anxiety - almost feel alien and unreal, while everyone knows a Feferi, so Feferi draws in some undue vitriol.

She has a few outbursts at him when he's egregiously rude for no reason, but given she's been dealing with his severe mental illness for so long, and takes his threats and casteism at least semi-seriously, I don't blame her for being exhausted and snapping from time to time. She's genuinely just not equipped to help him with his problems - lest we forget, she's also 13. Otherwise, everything else she does to harm him is something she just genuinely doesn't consciously realize is a problem, because she's got a hard time seeing past her privilege.

For example, using Eridan for feeding Gl'bgolyb without gratitude - the thing is, societally, it's his job, and HAS always been a violet's job. Not only that, but given his... everything, if she asked him if he's okay with doing it, he'd definitely insist that he is, and in fact, that it's HIS duty and HIS privilege. He also started INCREDIBLY young, so it's genuinely just been like this for their entire lives. It's a bit shitheaded for Feferi to not realize how much she benefitted from this arrangement, but, again, it's a crime of ignorance, not malice.

In a similar vein, I think she stayed in her moirallegiance for as long as she did partially because she got an ego boost out of it. She commiscerates with Kanaya over how burdensome he is, and she gets to say things like "we are not better than anybody," which she absolutely doesn't actually feel, given how she won't shut up about being a royal when talking to Jade. She's elated to break up with him, her narration celebrating with a big "you're FREE!!!" and it's not a coincidence that said break-up happens after Eridan's no longer useful to her - she outright states that he can't threaten their species anymore now that they're in the game and everyone else is dead.

BUT, I think she ALSO means it when she says that she stayed in that moirallegiance because she was genuinely worried for him. Both this statement and the above paragraph can be simultaneously true. There's nothing about Eridan that's actually that offensive to Feferi, and I really do think she means it when she says she wants to stay friends. His constant emotional crises have just left her burnt out in terms of sympathy, and she never really knew how to handle him in the first place, but in their first conversation together, she's still genuinely making an effort to get him to open up about his feelings and to cheer him up about his failed kismesistude.

After the breakup and his failed confession, the thing is, he does accept that rejection! ... Kind of. (Again with the kind ofs.)

He outright tells her he accepts that she doesn't like him like that... BUUUT, is trying to get her to go ashen with him and Sollux, instead. THIS is the "trying to keep her with him" angle you're talking about, IMO; I think his flushed feelings are genuine, even if they're aimed at this idealized version of Feferi moreso than the real deal. Without Feferi in the picture, I think Eridan and Sollux would have a completely lukewarm mutual dislike. The sheer lukewarmness is probably why Erisolsprite is so stable - they're completely mid for each other.

The realness of his flushed feelings for Feferi is, incidentally, part of why I think him and Roxy would work so well together - if this idealized version of Feferi (bubbly, adorabloodthirsty, pink, cute, cheerful, and kind) is his Type... well.

I also think he and Feferi would work pretty well as just normal friends; they might have fallen into that dynamic on their own if they'd met later on in life. In a hypothetical golden ending, I think they do fall into it once EriKar happens, since moirallegiances are stated to have a stabilizing effect on a troll's other relationships.

[lilmightyrabbit]

I'm 7 episodes into Dungeon Meshi because y'all couldn't stop posting about the most aggressively autistic (positive ❤️) man that I've ever laid my scrungly little eyes upon. Who decided the best rep I've ever seen would be a golden retriever man with a special interest that goes so hard you don't even mind it's crossed over into fetish territory? If I said half the shit he's said I would be in special jail, but he's just saying the things?! Yes please, Himbo man, say every thought that comes into your brilliant stupid mind IDC if it's objectively offensive you literally meant it in a nice way. I want to hug him. I want to bite him. And you know what? He'd let me. He'd ask how he tastes. I appreciate that in a man.

Makes me wonder if my own special interest blurting would be appreciated if it helped in life or death situations? Like, we're all chained up and a minotaur is going to gore us unless someone does a really good Karkat impression? That'd be nice.

And even when he's being a badass that's still how I see it. He's so excited to share his knowledge and he's living in his element and I respect that so much. BUT he's a dork. A giant dork. Does the author know what she's created? The perfect neurodivergent man? He's also just the perfect man cause he's stronk AF but his special interest involves twirling swords around and gutting shit so he's like "mlep, 👅 😺 just did a slaughter. Now I can feed my sister's girlfriend, my 29 year old son, and my mentor ❤️ Anyways want help with your hair, Marcille?"

How? And he obviously has flaws too so he's not even a Gary stu? What? He's just so happy to live his dream and when that bites him in the ass it legit hurts?

ALSO ALSO ALSO the quiet autisitc-coded AF way he's grieving his sister and trying to maintain hope is just 👏👏👏👏 and the fact his party knows he has empathy is managing in his own way 👏👏👏👏. Friendship points out the ass. That little scene where he's like lmao guys we wouldn't be eating this if Falin didn't McFrickin die amirite? And they are like...no bub. BUT they treat it like anyone saying something kinda off base. Because they KNOW he doesn't mean it bad AND they respect him enough to make it clear that it was bad. you know? That autistic feeling of wondering when/if you said something offensive? And this is like the healthiest way for a friend to deal with that w/o blindsiding the autistic person?

Maybe it's the fact that I have literally no clue if the author herself is neurodivergent, knows people that are, or did this intentionally - but I really like when creators just stumble into good characterization of autistic people. It's not an effort or an intrusion it's who the character is and it's baked into the story naturally :) feels good man, feels good.

[splickedylit]

Winter Soldier Gamkar has hit 100K words and 6 completed chapters and a whole lot of supernatural bullshit and Reminding My Traumatized Boyfriend What Kindness Is nonsense. Thanks to the co-writer groupchat for reading the first draft and 1. convincing me not to half-ass my scene planning, and 2. helping me figure out Karkat's Whole Deal, lol. Clandestine military experiments.....a comic book classic...

--

You don’t know what the thing you were fused with used to be.  You call it the Cancer, in your head, to yourself, but some part of you knows it’s a whole fucking lot older than the concept of names.  It died so long ago, there wasn’t a word for death yet. 

Any of its corpse that washes up into your reality is just skeletal detritus; the assholes who experimented on you couldn’t find any consciousness to bore into your skull like the Scratch did to Feferi and Eridan.  They had to fuse it into your flesh to wring power out of its remains, and it’s only through some hideous joke of luck that it took and you’re still alive to bitch about it. 

It could be worse.  You could be a rotted, mangled corpse in an unmarked grave.

They’d almost seemed surprised that you were pissed, when you found out about that little wrinkle after the fact.  You regret a lot of shit in your life, but savaging the asshole who changed you—who killed dozens of stupid kids before you—isn’t one of them.

You don’t know who has it worse, really.  Feferi and Eridan don’t show much sign from the outside that anything was even done to them—but for all the double-takes you get on the street, you don’t have to listen to voices and whispers.  There’s no living, scheming forces trying to push you to do anything, there’s just a vast, echoing emptiness in the back of your head.  Sometimes when you sleep, you find yourself in the place where it lives—or where it died.  An endless, quiet walk through an empty shell the size of a thousand cathedrals, rotting and half-consumed.

[tgcg]

argument

its a big one

TG: alright this is probably a bust

TG: more i think about it how the fuck do you even make a marinara

TG: can i even alchemise cheese or do i gotta like alchemise the milk and curdle it myself

TG: how do you even curdle

====================

TG: make a goddamn

TG: curgler

TG: whatever

TG: internet archive gonna pull through

====================

CG: ALRIGHT DAVE

TG: shit

====================

CG: YOU BETTER BACK THE FUCK OFF. I DON'T KNOW WHERE IN BULGEMUNCHING VIRULENT FUCK YOU GET THE IDEA YOU HAVE ANY RIGHT TO TELL ME WHAT I SHOULD THINK ABOUT MY OWN GODDAMN PLANET. SORRY TO HAVE TO DEAL A BLOW TO YOUR IMPOSSIBLY INFLATED FUCKING EGO, BUT HAVE YOU EVER CONSIDERED THAT YOUR SIDE-EYE SLACKJAW HOPELESS DEADPAN BULLSHIT BEHAVIOUR IS ACTUALLY INCREDIBLY FUCKING CONTEMPTIBLE AND DOESN'T PUT YOU ABOVE OTHER PEOPLE? HAVE YOU CONSIDERED THAT?

CG: OR DID YOU JUST ASSUME FROM THE MOMENT YOU FOUND OUT I'M A REVOLTING FUCKING MUTANT LOWBLOOD FREAK THAT I'M SUDDENLY NOT ALLOWED TO LIKE THE IDEA OF MY LIFE MEANING SOMETHING AT SOME POINT?

TG: okay you are wildly misquoting me where the fuck did that come from

TG: also you scared the hell out of me

TG: im just trying to science some pizza here

====================

CG: OKAY THEN, DAVE! EXPLAIN TO ME AS WELL AS YOUR AMBLING ONE-NOTE SMOOTH EXCUSE FOR A 'THOUGHT'SPONGE CAN

CG: IN SOMEWHAT COHERENT TERMS, ALTHOUGH I KNOW THAT'S A TALL ORDER:

CG: HOW YOU SAYING MY ADOLESCENT DREAMS OF BECOMING A THRESHECUTIONER ARE "FUCKED UP AND IRONIC IN A NASTY ASS WAY" DOESN'T QUALIFY AS UNDERHANDEDLY KICKING ME IN THE MANDIBLE PRONGS!

CG: YOUR AUDIENCE AWAITS YOU WITH BATED BREATH! TAKE IT AWAY, M.C. BRAIN HEMORRHAGE.

====================

TG: okay i dont

TG: know how you got a hold of that phrasing because i said that shit in confidence

TG: get out of my business bro

CG: NEWSFLASH, ASSHOLE: THIS METEOR IS A PHYSICAL, LITERAL LOCATION WE'RE BOTH IN. IT'S NOT A FUCKING PRIVATE CHATROOM. THIS MIGHT BLOW YOUR PITIFUL MIND BUT PEOPLE CAN ACTUALLY HEAR OTHER PEOPLE TALK WHEN THEY HAVE TO SHARE A SPACE! BRO!

TG: ugh

====================

CG: AND IT'S VERY INTERESTING YOU ACCUSE ME OF MISQUOTING YOU, AND THEN SUDDENLY TURN AND SPOUT FROM THAT SHITTY DRONING GROANSHAFT OF YOURS THAT I'M INVADING YOUR PRIVACY WHEN I DIRECTLY QUOTE YOUR SMARMY LITTLE SHAMEGLOBES!

CG: WOW! TURNS OUT KARKAT IS ACTUALLY BEING GENUINELY FUCKING UPSET ABOUT SOMETHING — WHO KNEW, RIGHT? WHO WOULD'VE GUESSED THAT I ACTUALLY HAVE GENUINE COMPLAINTS TO LEVEL AGAINST THE PEOPLE WHO GO SPOUTING HOOFBEASTSHIT ABOUT ME BEHIND MY BACK TO THEIR ECTOSIBLINGS?

TG: no dude can you shut up a second

CG: I MOST CERTAINLY FUCKING WILL, THANKS FOR THE OFFER! I'M NEVER TELLING YOU A GODDAMN THING AGAIN, SO I HOPE YOU MANAGE TO GAIN SOME WRINKLES TO THAT VESTIGIAL FLAWLESS ORB FLOATING AROUND IN YOUR CAVERNOUS NUGBONE FROM ALL THIS. I HOPE IT WAS WORTH ALL THE EFFORT ON YOUR END.

TG: listen!!!!

====================

CG: MHM! MY AURICULAR CHAMBERS ARE WIDE OPEN!

TG: jegus

TG: okay

TG: i have no defense for my literal phrasing but how expeditiously did you shadowstep the fuck away after i said that

TG: because that is some shrek tier "princess and ugly dont go together" level misrepresentation of my sweet self

TG: like if this wasnt obviously a heated platonic argument we were having i would probably be digging what the reference even if it was a shitty trope

====================

TG: i just

TG: have been thinking about some things and none of those things have got an iota of a thing to do with you or your blood

TG: thing

TG: man

TG: i dont know why you think id be so pressed about your vein juice its like

TG: a normal ass color for a normal ass guy

TG: and obviously it was a major fucking deal from how you talk about it but it doesnt need to be anymore

====================

TG: the thing is i just dont like have the same attitude as you about fighting and stuff and thats not something i am getting into right now but i am gonna make it expressly clear

TG: that its just kind of fucked up for me to sit my ass down and listen to someone spew gold and medals and confetti colored shit going googoo all over tall and loathsome ass bloodletters he never knew

TG: and have him tell me he wants to be the best guy at combat since samurai fuckin jack

TG: and thats my capital B business believe me the emphasis is there

====================

CG: SO IS THIS ABOUT ME WANTING TO BE PART OF SOMETHING YOU DON'T AGREE WITH? BECAUSE THRESHECUTIONERS DON'T EVEN FUCKING EXIST ANYMORE. I LITERALLY COULD NOT DO THIS IF I TRIED AT THIS POINT, SO YOU CAN UNKNOT YOUR “KNIGHTY WHITIES” ABOUT IT.

TG: being anti-military is not my point but damn if it isnt a thing thats probably true anyways so good job sleuthing that out

CG: WHAT IS YOUR POINT, DAVE.

TG: bluh

TG: i just said i dont wanna talk about it man

====================

CG: OKAY,

====================

CG: OKAY.

CG: I MEAN. IT FEELS KIND OF IMPORTANT TO THE CONTEXT OF THIS WHOLE UNAMBIGUOUSLY PLATONIC ARGUMENT WE'VE BEEN HAVING

CG: WHICH I'M RELIEVED WE AGREE ON BY THE WAY

CG: BUT IF YOU DON'T WANT ME TO KNOW I'M NOT GOING TO WRING IT OUT OF YOU. IT'S FINE.

====================

CG: …IF YOU DECIDE AT SOME POINT THAT YOU WANT TO TELL ME THOUGH, MY RUMBLE VESSELS ARE STILL OPEN.

TG: i swear youre making those up on the spot at this point

CG: I'M KEEPING MY LANGUAGE'S ART ALIVE, DAVE. IT'S BASIC DECENCY TO THE PLANET THAT RAISED ME.

TG: heh

====================

TG: yknow we got these things called anatomical snuffboxes

TG: its got that right amount of vague nose wrinklage to it that i feel like youd be right at home saying that

TG: snug as a grub even

CG: WHAT PART IS THAT???

TG: its that little weird bone bit that sticks out on the back of your palm when you flex your thumb right

====================

TG: look

CG: HUH. LOOKING AT THAT IS KIND OF WIGGING ME OUT.

TG: yeah its kinda gross rose told me about it

TG: but anyways

====================

TG: are we cool

CG: I MEAN… I GUESS SO. YOU WEREN'T ACTUALLY INSULTING ME, RIGHT?

TG: hell no dude never

CG: OKAY. I COMPLETELY RESCIND THE MYRIAD OF WAYS I JUST INSULTED YOU. AND I'M SORRY.

TG: nah i know its just fluff at this point

====================

CG: I STILL DON'T APPRECIATE YOU TELLING ROSE THINGS I SAY TO YOU IN CONFIDENCE. THAT WAS BETWEEN YOU, ME, AND MY NOW NON-EXISTENT HOME PLANET ROTTING AWAY TO A CRATERED GRAY HUSK IN ANOTHER DEAD UNIVERSE.

TG: i swear that was like the only thing its just that she gets it and i cant keep my mouth from going on about the gettable stuff

TG: they call me the babbling brook the way my flows so audible

TG: i wont do it again

CG: NO,

====================

CG: I GET IT HONESTLY.

CG: I'M BASICALLY THE NUMBER ONE PROPRIETOR OF AIRED GRIEVANCES IN ALL OF PARADOX SPACE AND THEN SOME, AND I'D ALSO BECOME ITS BIGGEST HYPOCRITE IF I HELD IT AGAINST YOU.

TG: thanks

TG: but i mean

TG: at the gigantic risk of sounding uh

====================

TG: ………..

CG: ?

====================

TG: well

TG: i kinda just think youre better at being a guy to chill out and watch movies with than a guy to tangle fists with

TG: and i dont think theres anything wrong with being that

TG: i think its cool

====================

CG: …THAT'S AN ALARMINGLY BRAZEN OBSERVATION TO MAKE OF SOMEONE YOU'VE KNOWN FOR ABOUT THE SPAN OF SEVEN SEASONAL EQUINOXES, DAVE.

TG: i dont know what that means but it sure is probably

CG: AM I ALLOWED TO ASK WHAT EVEN GIVES YOU THAT IMPRESSION????

TG: i just got that inkling about you man

====================

TG: and you can do whatever you want with that info

TG: throw it in the load gaper or whatever if you want i dont really care

TG: give it a swirly and slam it in a locker call it a nerd break its glasses whatever

TG: but beyond this whole lord english thing weve got going on i am pretty content to never aggress my fellow man slash alien slash monster again if i can help it

TG: i think thats pretty fair given what thats been like so far

====================

TG: and yknow its cool to have some company when im waxing emotional over the narrative depth of click starring adam sandler which we are watching next by the way

CG: UGH, FIIIIIIIIINE. JUST TO MAKE UP FOR CALLING YOUR THINKPAN SMOOTH AND SUPERFLUOUS.

====================

TG: score

TG: we should argue all the time

CG: SNRK

[cure-typhoon]

I love the idea of Karkat having the vibes of being a "normal guy" on Earth C, like he does his taxes he goes to work he feels like an average every day man but he isnt and when you talk to him you realize he has the most insane backstory you have ever heard of and how he has been stabbed like three times and still considers the person who stab him a "REALLY GOOD FRIEND WHO HE MISSES A LOT" and youre pretty sure the guy grew up in a cult by the way he talks about his childhood, and then one week he asks you what he should buy to decorate a kids room and when you ask him about it he tells you he became a foster parent to a kid who hates his guts and "IS PRETTY SURE HE WANTS ME DEAD BUT WHATEVER" and your just supposed to deal with that information and go about your day like normal as if the weirdest fucking guy you have ever meet didnt just told you he became a dad

[thewertsearch]

ERIDAN: im just saying wwhere the fuck wwere you guys ERIDAN: i had to deal wwith those awwful angels all by my self ERIDAN: do you havve any idea howw hard those assholes are to kill ERIDAN: like at least a minute of sustained fire from only the most legendary wweapon evver and they wwere FAST and ANGRY as SHIT

That's fucking terrifying, what the fuck?

Even without a maxed weapon, John was able to kill a First Guardian Imp in well under a minute.

Eridan's 'angels' survived significantly longer, while under fire from a significantly more powerful weapon. They're massively more durable than the most dangerous Underlings in the game, despite their session's Kernels containing weaker material.

What the fuck are these things made of?

KARKAT: I REALLY DON'T THINK YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO BE KILLING THEM DUDE. KARKAT: I KEPT SAYING, I THINK THEY'RE LIKE GAME CONSTRUCTS OR SOMETHING. THERE TO SERVE SOME OTHER GAME PURPOSE, NOT FOR YOU TO HUNT DOWN. KARKAT: THEY DIDN'T EVEN GIVE YOU ANY GRIST, YOU IDIOT. THAT WAS YOUR FIRST CLUE.

Far from being random Underlings, these angels are starting to seem kind of important, actually.

Like Jade's frogs, they represent one of the dual traits of their Land - and Jade's frogs are mission fucking critical. Did these angels also have an endgame purpose to serve?

If so, just how badly has Eridan fucked us over?

I don't know for sure if this quote is related, but Sollux described angels as 'terrible' beings who 'usher in the end'.

If these are the the LOWAA angels, then they almost certainly did have an endgame role that Eridan didn't discover.

Guys, I’ll admit it.

Eridan is kind of funny.

Karkat is really worried, isn’t he? He’s desperate to keep his team safe, even though most of them aren’t really listening to him any more.

Everyone gave this guy so much shit for being an ineffectual leader, but even now, he's taking his responsibility very seriously. Most of the other trolls would have thrown in the towel by now.

Six hundred hours.

This campaign went on for six hundred fucking hours, and Eridan still isn’t leaving Feferi the fuck alone. Did shooting all those angels not let off a little steam? Come on, man.

FEFERI: […] Eridan, you weren't really serious about going to find Jack, were you? ERIDAN: of course i wwas ERIDAN: and wwe should do it together ERIDAN: youvve got nothin to fear noww ivve reached a neww heights of powwer no one else can dream of […] SOLLUX: thii2 ii2 the mo2t hiilariiou2 thiing ii've ever heard, he made one of hii2 2hiitty fake wand2 glow a liittle and now he thiink2 he'2 a faiiry god troll or 2omethiing, lmao! ERIDAN: wwas that slander just i heard i cant evven tell ERIDAN: i tend to block out noise from filth wwhose blood is practically the complementary fuckin color a mine

I hate to admit it, but this behavior is actually fairly realistic. The whole world has collapsed, and Eridan is grasping for anything he can latch onto, to provide some semblance of normalcy.

Unfortunately, and predictably, he has latched onto classism like a limpet.

[conceptofjoy]

you know what. cut the middle man can we get a homestuck game tierlist. immensely interested in your thought process here because if i was in jakes situation ever id be flirting right back at either of those bitches. sorry.

ur telling me if your crush sent you their . ok sure ok. im ranking on how easily the humans can pull someone, not like maintain a relationship.

A) harlishes

B) june and jane

C) rose and roxy

D) daves and hal

F) dirk

jake’s rizz is a main part of his character, he can’t deal with anything more than surface level bc hes a problems haver. jade’s is genuine, she gells well with the daves, karkat was interested in her, she listens to people and’s empathetic, etc.

EVERYONE had a crush on june. her dorky and dry humor had the lesbians tripping over themselves. she wasnt really good at romancing anyone though lol. jane’s silly, down to earth, kind of a nerd, lesbians want him what can i say.

rose is. intriguing. kind of like jake honestly, she looks and acts cool asf and that ends up intimidating people (kanaya) so they have to play a mental game with her to even like talk to her. she thinks everything’s a contesstttt. she isnt able to keep her cool intimidating persona up constantly which can put people off i guess :(

roxy flirts with EVERYONE. she doesnt know when to give up sometimes holy shit. she can come off as intense and can make people feel bad, but the sheer amount of times she takes a chance guarantees her pulling someone. shes funny asf and friendly.

hal… um he doesnt dwell as much on details as dirk does. rolls with the punches better/ deals with rejection better but is equally as clingy. just slightly better than the daves.

the daves barely make the cut. their dorky but endearing swag might get someone to take pity on them. they have too many issues to be in an actual relationship with someone (unless they have just as many issues).

dirk. hes. one person says hes not interested. and hes like this close to immediately crawling under a table or getting down on his hands and knees to start begging. he’ll probably curtly excuse himself to go walk away stiffly (and crawl under a table).

[classpectpokerap]

karkat goes through some changes

homestuck

tentacleTherapist [TT] began pestering turntechGodhead [TG]. TT: It's come to my attention that you've been having some difficulties with Karkat. TG: "oh hey dave" TG: "how are you doing" TG: "good good yeah i know its been ages but ive got a question for you" TG: "hows karkat doing" TT: My apologies. TT: If you'd like to restart the conversation, but frontloaded with pleasantries, we can do that immediately. TG: nah jigs already up TG: theres a suspiciously empty bag and cat just fucking headbutting everything in existence TG: the elephant in the room is eyeing me flapping its monstrous goddamn ears blinking its sad eyes TG: walking around crunching the bones of the dead horse that ive been beating TT: Dave. TG: yo TT: Are you okay? TG: hell of a fucking question TG: i mean TG: im doing fine TG: im coping TG: its not like im the one in the relationship who woke up three feet taller and more intimidating overnight TG: with literally no clothes that fit TG: and an unrecognizable goddamn complexion TG: you know that blush palette kanaya got us that one time is basically junk now TG: we were so excited to literally never use it but now its become mandatory TG: the thrill of ignoring a gift is all evaporated TG: at least we still have that fucking popcorn maker that june got us rotting away in a cupboard somewhere TT: Dave. TG: im extremely normal about this

TG: its not every day your boyfriend of five years grows into a giant troll monster TG: leaving behind a molted skin of his days of being a regular troll monster TG: that one was TG: genuinely extremely fucking unpleasant to discover TT: I can only imagine. TT: Kanaya's more-or-less confirmed to never be able to molt again, thanks to her immortality. TT: Waking up next to, essentially, the skinned corpse of your boyfriend, while an adult with his face is crying next to you, seems incredibly distressing. TG: yeah TG: it uh TG: we didnt actually realize what the fuck was in the bed until a few hours after karkats first "oh god im like your human professor hulk" cry TG: what the fuck was the deal with professor hulk by the way TG: like why was he in the movie TG: did they just not have the budget to shoot mark ruffalos unaltered face TG: every film the guys in has a budget for ruffalo shielding an audience exposed to a noncgi ruffalo is well and truly fucked TT: Dave. TG: im fine

TG: its fine TG: its just TG: kind of a big fucking deal TG: mostly for him TG: i think hes the first mutant to pupate into adulthood for literally more than the timespan of two universes TG: its like getting run over by the puberty truck and somehow ending up with muscles out of it TG: the same kind of injury logic that created handsome squidward TT: Mm. TT: I figured something like that would be the case, emotionally. TG: as always you are the genius of our time TT: I have one more question. TT: Do you need Kanaya and I to come over to make more clothes for him? TG: wow TG: thats genuinely a really nice offer TG: yeah come over whenever TG: karkats been tarzanning it for a little too long TG: not that the primal look isnt fantastic at times but uh TG: well lets just say theres only so much i can handle at once TT: We'll be right over. tentacleTherapist [TT] ceased pestering turntechGodhead [TG].