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#what with the whole having to erase memories thing
scoobydoodean · 17 hours
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(abuse mention) let it bleed is an interesting episode but the bit where dean smacks ben always makes me so confused bc it feels like gamble dropped that in and then didnt. fucking address it. like i dont know if its fair to call it abuse bc dean was in a Very high stress situation and trying to get his attention, but it feels SO out of left field for dean and it feels like it was just there for shock value or there without much thought to what it means for dean and implies about his upbringing.
Ngl this doesn't bother me. Lisa was bleeding out, Sam was not answering the phone (because he was knocked out and locked in a room), and the whole building was warded against angels. Dean had to carry Lisa out because Ben wasn't big enough, and there were still demons in the building ready to kill them. So when Ben shut down at the crucial moment, Dean did... what he had to do in that situation. Slapping anyone is generally not advisable, and it isn't a pleasant thing to do to anybody under any circumstances, but the entire situation isn't pleasant or normal and normal circumstances cannot and do not pertain to it. The entire experience is traumatic and something no one should ever have to experience, but especially not a child. I also wouldn't call it abuse. Abuse is about consolidating power, while this moment is about being placed in a life threatening situation by a third party who wishes to do all of you harm. You have no options other than to move immediately or you are all going to die.
That said, I do also think this moment and Dean having to put a gun in Ben's hand after swearing Ben would never shoot one (6.02) contributes massively to Dean asking Cas to erase him from Lisa and Ben's lives (coupled with the lies from the demon who possessed Lisa about wishing she'd never met Dean). Dean didn't want Ben to have to live with a traumatic memory like this above all else. These kinds of experiences are things Dean believes change a person irreparably based on his own experiences. I'm sure he was also terrified that losing Lisa would send Ben down the hunter's path, and it made Dean so sick he couldn't stomach it. I don't think you're wrong to suggest maybe there's an intended nod to Dean's own upbringing here (nod @ 6.02), but the crucial difference (that Dean himself likely fails to see) is that Dean is not actually the one who put Lisa and Ben in this situation. He blames himself for it, but the person who put them in this situation was Crowley. No ifs, no ands, no buts. Dean was so scared something like this would happen that he left Lisa and Ben pretty early into the season and he and Lisa broke up. They were no longer associated. Dean expecting himself to have forseen all of this assigns a level of responsibility and clairvoyance that is completely unreasonable. In contrast, John put his children in situations like this of his own free will. No one forced him to do it. He chose to make them hunters. He chose to put guns in their hands and teach them to fight monsters. He chose to put their lives at risk from the time they were very young.
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sokkastyles · 2 days
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The thing is, talking about Ursa as a bad mother implies that it is her job to stop abuse from happening. The whole thing about having her memories erased is so nebulous anyway because even the idea that she could have done "something" to save her children after she had already been banished is always going to be abstract, and there's nothing to say events wouldn't have happened in exactly the same way without her memories being erased.
But the same argument applies to people calling her a bad mother for lying to Ozai about Zuko's parentage. That's a more tangible situation where we can say that her actions were likely to make Ozai angry, and make him lash out at Zuko, but that's still the responsibility of Ozai for being an abuser. The idea that Ursa should have changed her own behavior to appease a violent abuser is not an argument I can ever accept.
Ozai's actions were never the responsibility of his victims. But we do see that Ozai himself is willing to use his victims' actions as an excuse. Ursa did not make Ozai abuse Zuko, what she did was give him a convenient excuse, but abusers are always going to find those excuses, whether they have any tangibility or not. If not for the letter it might have been that Ursa was spending "too much time" with Zuko or teaching him to be too soft.
Ursa could have never left and Ozai would still hurt her children. She could have been right there and not have been able to save them. She could have sacrificed her own life and it still might not have been enough. She could have watched Zuko be burned and it still might not have made a difference (like Iroh did in canon), except that fandom would feel even more entitled to judge her as a mother. Probably even more than the blame already nonsensically spewed at Iroh, who was a powerful bender and trained military general and still wasn't able to stop Ozai from abusing his children.
As it is, Ozai manufactured a situation where the only way Ursa could offer a modicum of protection to her children is by being forced into a situation where she couldn't protect them any longer.
As a mother, Ursa was obligated to try and protect her children the best she could, but the fact that she could not protect them from an abuser is not evidence of bad parenting on her part. It's evidence that Ozai is an abuser who is perfectly willing to gaslight and manipulate Ursa into a position where she couldn't protect them from him, and then make her feel like that was her fault, too, which is another facet of his abuse of and control over both her and her children.
I also think it's not considered how much danger Ursa and her children might be in if Ozai were to find out that instead of leaving the country as he ordered, she'd shacked up with the same guy she told Ozai was Zuko's father. Ozai might decide to take that out on Zuko just as easily out of nothing but a sense of bruised ego, but again, that's not because Ursa did anything wrong. It's because Ozai wants excuses to hurt and control people.
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worseperson · 2 days
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Please don't flop :( I think I might be onto something
(All mentions of energy in reference to craft is based on the dialog from the Head House Maiden talking about craft sickness and Siffrin being exhausted after Act 5’s finale)
It’s clearly shown that Wish Craft is able to access more craft types than just Time Craft, it only gives the wisher the energy to fulfil it.
There’s also the fact that the King and Siffrin change their form rapidly in the end. This change is MUCH faster than normal Body Craft. According to Isabeu and Mirabelle it takes a few months to medically transition with Body Craft. It’s not explained why it takes a few months but Mirabelle and Isabeu talk about there being a lot of recent advancements in the field of Body Craft. It’s possible that the length of the process is due to needing to conserve energy although this is unconfirmed and purely conjecture.
Another example of bodies changing from Wish Craft can be found in Loop. It’s unclear how but after giving up and eating the star shown in the intro it’s implied they made changed form against their will.
Speaking of Loop, Siffrin’s ability to retain EXP between loops, keep the party’s items, select the spot they loop back to, and every other Quality of Life feature (INCLUDING THE KNIFE) is due to the deal Loop made with the Universe. This is proven by how Loop had none of those features in “SASASASASA: a prologue” and their answer when asked what was up with the whole getting possessed thing when unlocking the knife (“Just Universe things”)
It’s also implied that Siffrin got stronger, not just from farming EXP, but from the Wish Craft. As seen by the move "(Just attack.)" and SIffrin immediately becoming Level 99 during Act 5 (although this is likely due to Quality of Life (Not connected to Loop this time)). The King also got stronger but it is unclear if this just due to the Body Craft (See Odile talking about why body craft is banned in Kabeu). Also Loop's pretty strong in the final fight.
Wish Craft is also able to apparently destroy the world? This can be shown with how Loop destroyed their world(?) and made it anew (As confirmed by there being no timeline branching or alternate worlds according to Insertdisc5). Siffrin and Loop also do this anytime they loop back
And the most interesting part, what destroyed the Country, the language, or it's name?
The country was erased by Wish Craft, but it remains visible at the end of the game. The country is glitchy and headache inducing, but it IS visible.
The name and language of the country still remains, but they were removed from everyone's memory. The language cannot be read without additional wish craft, attempting to do so will either be incomprehensible or cause splitting headaches, but it still exists.
Colour exists too. People can see colour, but only in dire moments. According to a book on Colour theory found in the House, people forgot how to see colour.
I believe wish craft is connected to all types of Craft and the craft of memories
It's also interesting how Wish Craft has a limited range. Only vaugard is frozen by the King, Siffrin is also implied to only be affecting Vaugard (Based on dialog from the King) Is the world Loop came from still there? Is there an area that wasn't affected by the erasure of colour or the country?
I'm done, I have a bit more I could talk about but I'm done
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armands-cuck-chair · 22 days
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This is an incredibly specific post, but I just know if Armand played The Arcana that his favorite character would be Valdemar.
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sylvhen · 13 days
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just having a normal one thinking about how badly Armand wants to be loved but every time he gets close to it, he self sabotages and ruins it. almost as if. he subconsciously doesn't think he deserves it.
#I'm fine I'm good I'm so normal about him#he does it with EVERY romantic relationship we see him have it's insane#first with lestat and their whole Thing. especially the nicki stuff we haven't seen yet.#then louis. like he lets himself have it and then realizes it's possible for it to work and IMMEDIATELY blows it#by you know. trying to kill him. actually succeeding in killing his daughter.#making sure there's no possible way louis will ever forgive him even as he plots and manipulates to underplay his role in it#they loved each other but armand made sure it would never be in the way he craved the most and then punished himself for it#by strong manning the relationship together with hot glue and stickers even if it was hurting them both#AND THEN with daniel too ffs#DOUBLE of it with daniel if past-devil minion happened too fuck#turning him and then leaving him bc daniel SEES him for who he is and he's not afraid (I mean he is but YOU GET WHAT I MEAN)#possibly erasing his memories of him from the 70's & 80's as both a fucked up attempt to keep daniel alive#(which tbf it works but is STILL a fucked up thing to do)#and to get himself out of a situation in which someone finally started to love him unconditionally the way he wants so badly#but he can't let himself have that can he#I AM SO NORMAL ABOUT THE VAMPIRE ARMAND GUYS#I might be wrong idk I have yet to rewatch s2 but#BUT IT HURTS ANYWAY DONT IT#iwtv#armand#iwtv amc#the vampire armand#interview with the vampire#iwtv s2#armandposting#robin going insane about armand again#iwtv armand
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bookwyrminspiration · 7 months
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reading gideon the ninth:
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reading harrow the ninth:
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#htn#tlt#everything has gone from like. 50 to 1000#like sure there were things going on before and I had to pay attention#but now I have to pay ATTENTION#like okay. okay harrow is 'remembering' that there was a sleeper or whatever#and there was a 2 hander with it. under it. okay. okay so what does that mean#and this 'body'#which for some reason she's continuously hallucinating?#and the whole thing with the letters and ianthe#i'm trying to parse through everything but I don't know how much I can figure out and how much is explained#by context and events I simply haven't been told about yet#so it would be fruitless to surmise because I quite literally can't know yet. missing pieces#based on current knowledge my assumption is that for some reason harrow has retroactively altered her memories#for an unknown purpose#because ianthe's 'who? oh the cavalier' at the beginning leads me to believe she recalls gideon just fine. and that gideon was in fact real#though there's something going on with her#well yeah no shit she's disappeared straight up#not like disappeared like gone missing but she's straight up been erased from the story like she doesn't exist#except for these tiny mentions#of a two hander#which also brings to question the importance of a reader in a story#but that's a whole other can of worms#the point is I have to pay so much more attention now#i love it I love being confused (genuinely)#the first book was fine but it wasn't like this#anyway. harrows the fucked up scrunkle cat of the group and I'm endlessly amused by it
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coldflasher · 10 months
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the flash should have ended with barry quitting his job at ccpd to become a stay-at-home husband and that's on that
#the fun part is it genuinely could have ended like that. i have no idea. still haven't watched it#NOBODY TELL ME BTW#THAT IS NOT ME ASKING FOR SPOILERS. I'LL GET TO IT#but honestly it's the only thing that makes sense. i have genuine reasons for this#namely: how the fuck is iris. an incredible but ordinary non-speedster woman. meant to look after a baby speedster#ordinary babies are already making it their life's mission to die. eating shit they shouldn't. rolling over and suffocating.#idk i don't know about kids but i know babies are breakable and will roll off tables and god knows what else#now imagine you have a toddler and she can literally move at hundreds of miles per hour#how the fuck was iris meant to cope?#i still maintain that when they did the 'she put a power dampener in nora' plot it should have been like. not a control thing#but also yeah. literally a control thing because HOW THE FUCK ELSE WAS SHE MEANT TO LOOK AFTER HER BABY#if barry is gone and she's a single mother. assuming no other speedsters are around to help her. what the fuck else was she meant to do?#of course she had to suppress her powers because how can you stop your toddler running into traffic if she can run 1000 times faster than u#how do you keep her in her crib at night if she can phase through the bars?#in that sense. yeah it's fucked up. but you can understand it. you can empathize. what other options did she have?#so yeah stay-at-home dad barry is the only thing that makes sense for genuine safety reasons#he is quite literally the only one who can keep up with the kids#they dropped the ball on nora is all i'm saying. again. fic that lives in my head where original nora's death actually means something#and we get a new nora who is ACTUALLY a different person. as she would be considering her whole upbringing was different#and she has to somehow live up to the memory of a version of her that was erased from time#part of barry and iris can't accept that that specific version of their daughter is gone and it's not her#THE ANGST POTENTIALLLL#in my head she doesn't even go by nora because she's like. THAT'S NOT ME. SHE DIED. WHY CAN'T YOU ACCEPT WHO I AM AND LOVE ME FOR ME#she goes by dawn bc yeah im still kinda sad they didnt use that name#fictional characters give ur kid an original name instead of always naming them after dead ppl challenge#my fics#my meta
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tobiasdrake · 7 months
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*deep breath* Okay. Here we go.
I don't think the Netflix Avatar show likes women very much. It's a great show for fans of Aang, Sokka, Zuko, and Iroh specifically. All four of those characters get a ton of great material. In fact, it's super great for Sokka stans, because the show takes him ultra-seriously and can't go five minutes without one character or another (usually a woman) praising him.
But the way it handles its female cast is troublesome.
Katara
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So, all three of the main trio got some changes made to their stories. They changed Aang's story so that he wasn't running away from his responsibilities; He was just clearing his head and somehow accidentallied himself into a tsunami. Whoopsy-dooodle. Aang did nothing wrong.
They changed Sokka's story so that him being a leader of his people and a great guardian warrior is treated with complete seriousness. Multiple times, characters stop to talk about how brave and noble Sokka is for taking on such an intense responsibility, and tell him to his face what a great warrior and a wonderful leader he is. Also his misogyny is erased.
And they changed Katara's story so that she directly got her mom killed because she sucks at waterbending.
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Katara tries to waterbend to attack the Fire Nation soldier but couldn't manage it, provoking the soldier to start actively searching for her and forcing her mom to fake a waterbending attack and draw his fire. They changed Katara's story so that her bad decision making fucking got her mom killed.
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This is treated with the same level of severity as "Sokka was bullied by mean kids and also his dad doesn't think he's good enough to be a leader."
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"I hoped Sokka would do better but not everyone is meant to have people's lives in their hands," Sokka's dad says of him.
Yeah, you're right, that's totally comparable to watching your mom get barbecued because you tried to waterbend in a situation you shouldn't have and then failed.
In fact, they give Sokka's greatest trauma more weight because it gets examined again with Yue next episode, while Katara actively getting her mom killed isn't brought up again at all. We get traumatized glimpses of it throughout the season leading up to the reveal, but after this scene in episode 5, it never comes up again.
But to be fair, Katara was a child. An event this significant would surely have motivated her, driving her to become the great waterbender she is now, right?
No! Katara sucks at waterbending and needs men who aren't even waterbenders to teach her how to waterbend. She requires instruction from Aang in episode 1 to learn how to waterbend, then from Jet in episode 3 to learn how to waterbend better.
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And unlike the show, her relationship with Aang isn't a give-and-take; Katara doesn't teach Aang a single goddamn thing. He never learns to waterbend. She is a strictly a pupil throughout the whole season. Though she at least gets officially labeled a master in episode 8, so there's that.
In any case, the whole traumatic memory thing isn't even the only time she's directly compared with Sokka. Episodes 3 and 4 see Katara and Sokka bicker over whose morally dubious side character is better. Sokka likes the Mechanist and Katara likes Jet.
Ultimately, Katara is forced to eat crow when Jet turns out to be the worst, while Sokka is vindicated when the Mechanist sees the error of his ways and reforms. But not before two separate arguments where Sokka calls Katara childish and accuses her of acting like a little girl.
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Arguments ultimately resolved when Katara apologizes to Sokka for not adequately respecting his very serious and ultra important role as village protector and leader. Gives him a whole speech about how great and glorious he is. And Sokka... appreciates Katara learning to respect him properly, I guess, because he never offers any similar sentiments back to her.
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The show just... They need you to know how important Sokka is, okay? It's very important that you respect Sokka.
Suki
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Suki suffers tremendously from that whole "Sokka's misogyny was removed" thing. Y'know, because they need something else to do with that episode. The show is deeply aware that Suki is Sokka's love interest, so they just do that right off the bat. Suki falls madly in love with him from the moment they meet, and spends the entire episode making goo-goo eyes and trying to get him to Notice Me Senpai.
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They still do the "Suki Trains Sokka" stuff. But Sokka is a serious, dignified manly man worthy of the deepest respect now, so of course they don't make him wear the Kyoshi uniform. Instead, the main purpose of his training is to allow them to flirt some more. It's less martial arts training and more an excuse to grope each other and near-kiss.
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Suki's just a waifu now. She still fights real good, but all of the stuff that made her relationship with Sokka interesting has been erased.
Yue
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Yue, similarly, leaps straight to shipping from the word go. They write out her fiance, Hahn, by having Yue briefly meet Sokka earlier in the season. She spends one minute talking to him in the Spirit World about Spirit World lore; In that time, she falls so desperately, madly, unfathomably in love with him that she breaks off her marriage to Hahn and devotes herself to waiting for him to one day come to her.
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"Never have I known such joys as that time you let me explain the spirit bear Hei Bei to you. Truly, we are destined to be together for life."
Like with Suki, they go out of their way to have Yue and Sokka already be a ship from the word 'go' so they don't have to spend time developing any kind of meaningful attraction.
They just. They really want you to know that Sokka is the manliest and most desirable man ever to walk this earth. It is very important that you understand how great he is. Women hurl themselves into his arms with zero effort whatsoever, because he's just so goddamn irresistible.
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Fortunately, Hahn is super okay with this turn of events. He's the most chill guy ever, he gets along perfectly well with Sokka, and he completely supports Yue's right to dump him! In the famously misogynistic Northern Water Tribe, no less! What a swell guy. Aren't men swell?
June
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June gets hit with that "rewritten as hollow waifu" stick too, but her eyes are set on Iroh. They rewrote June to be super attracted and flirty towards the man who was her unwanted sexual harasser in the source material. So that's fun.
Also, she barely does anything. Zuko hires her to find Aang, she succeeds, and then she fucks right off out of the show - But she manages to find time to express how unbelievably sexy Iroh is twice during that time.
She seriously just dropped into the show to flirt with Iroh and leave. She is unbelievably inconsequential.
Kyoshi
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And then there's Kyoshi. They really want you to hate Kyoshi. She's constantly shot from below, as if looking down on Aang and the audience. Her voice takes on a demonic echoing reverb at one point as she's screaming at Aang that "THE AVATAR MUST BE A MERCILESS WARRIOR!!!"
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She despises Aang, calling him a coward for running away from his responsibilities - Which, I remind you, is no longer a plot point because they unwrote that flaw from his character. So she's just a complete and utter asshole, shot from the asshole angle, yelling violently at him with asshole sound effects. They want you to despise this woman.
Azula
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Awkwardly, they do not seem to want you to despise Azula.
There's a lot to be said for how Ozai treats Azula in the original show. The way the favoritism he shows her is every bit as cruel and manipulative as the unfavoritism that he shows Zuko. Ozai does not love Azula. He loves the reflection of himself he sees in her eyes, and his encouragement urges her to polish herself to ensure his reflection always shines through.
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This is not that. The show instead erases the favoritism entirely. Ozai doesn't really care one way or another about either of his kids. He plays them against each other, bragging openly to Azula about how great Zuko is and unpleasably writing Azula off as weak and useless.
They've rewritten the dynamic between abusive father and his two abused kids in order to take Azula's pride away. Reimagining her from a gifted prodigy who excels at imitating the toxic behaviors of a father who doesn't truly care for her, to a put-upon overachiever tearing herself in knots to live up to the standards of her unpleasable father.
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This results in a truly wild portrayal of Azula as insecure and jealous of Ozai's seemingly love for Zuko. Here, she is simply a browbeaten child constantly complaining to her friends about how mean her father is and conspiring to get one up over Daddy's Golden Child Zuko.
Which she fails at, because she backs Zhao. Zuko deftly defeats her without even realizing they're in competition.
Conclusion
The season ends well for some of these women. It ends promising that maybe we'll see Katara teaching Aang some day. It ends with Zhao bragging that Ozai just used Zuko to train Azula so maybe we'll see the more confident and misguidedly proud Azula some day. Yue becomes the moon like she's supposed to. June's still out there so maybe she'll get to do something again some day.
Katara gets to fight Pakku and lose, but she looks pretty cool. She gets to fight Zuko and lose, but she looks pretty cool. Azula learns to lightningbend because she's just so mad about Ozai's contempt for her and favoritism for Zuko, which isn't how you lightningbend.
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But promises of future content fall flat when the content that exists is so underwhelming. This season made its feelings on these characters pretty evident, and it's unwise to expect better material from creators who've disappointed you with the material they already made.
The women of Netflix Avatar simply do not get to shine, outside of superficial moments like the "Women of Northern Water Tribe demand the right to fight and then fuck off and don't do anything for the entire rest of the episode" bit.
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"In the midst of battle, we demand that you stop being sexist and give us permission to fight! This is a way better idea than convincing you to teach us to fight before the battle begins."
The characters of this show feel as if they've been reimagined to glorify the boys at the expense of the girls. The boys are treated with a great amount of care. They're dignified and made important movers of the plot, with their rough edges sanded off. While the girls are molded around them.
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birdantlers · 1 year
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A heartfelt and grievously expanded-upon update to this—please, please read the whole thing if you can. reblogs much appreciated.
(DISCLAIMER, for all who are saying reasons like abusive parents/legal stuff/toxic ex/triggering memories/page got deleted/job/stalkers/bullying/[[insert any other shitty life thing]], This is not concerning that—personal safety & health ALWAYS comes first, and is worth more than any media ever could be. This is my biggest reason for defending that autonomy. I would be a hypocrite to say I hadn’t deleted triggering posts of mine or ones that got me in trouble with my family.)
it genuinely makes me sad and kinda upset when someone purges all their old art off the internet like. barring harmful content what if someone liked that. What if someone would have. And now nobody will ever know and it's just gone. even people's old invader zim askblogs or whatever getting deleted feels like a micro alexandria to me and that's just something I made up. I wasn't even thinking of a specific one it just stresses me out. Is this the autism I don't get why nobody else seems to freak internally abt it like I do. I see artists whose blogs I've never even looked at go like "man so glad I deleted all my old stuff it's so clean" or saying they throw out art from when they were kids I'm like. how are you not hurling. How is that not distressing that is literally your tree rings why would you do that. I want to see what's out there. people want to see it I promise someone out there likes it
...don't they??? Does everyone get quietly irrationally upset by this as me, or is this just hyperfixation/autism/some amalgam of the two. I'm not a hoarder or obsessive compulsive or anything like that so i wonder..
Anyways. reblog if you had a favorite amateur youtube animator in your childhood whose channel got nuked without a trace one day that you still think about.
I wanted to attach this video because it condenses my point very well. A TLDR of sorts. Please watch the whole thing, it genuinely changed the entire way I think about art as a concept.
(2nd vid is "Subjectivity in Art")
“The moment your art touches an audience, the ownership shifts in an irreversible way. [They're] not having an art experience with you and your intentions. They're having an art experience with the art object.
“You can't just burn your past; it's not even your past to burn anymore. It's other people's history as well. Whether or not you like it, that art is already bonded to somebody's soul, and if you rip the art away, you're ripping a bit of the soul that has adhesive contact to it.”
The digital age makes it very easy to distance or detach yourself from the impact your work has—be it art, fanfic, videos, even memes. Online content is as important to people now as any other media, if not more. But it's also by far the easiest, fastest, and most effective form of it to erase from public access. Media so unbelievably important to people and in general. Yes, you—with the 2010s purple sparkle dog speedpaint. I still think about that speedpaint all the time, because it was the first time i learned that you could draw on a computer, and I thought it was cool as hell. I still do.
I do wish there was a stronger culture of preservation and consideration for this, because every time I see people talk about snuffing their stuff because it doesn't personally resonate with them anymore, I just think ...what about all the people it did?
I've seen lots of people saying "get over it, it doesn't even matter," but it fucking does. It does matter. Even if I didn’t make it, even if I don’t have to deal with being the one who made it, even if I'm naturally inclined to be distressed by it—It still matters. And there’s nothing you could ever say to suddenly make it not matter, because there’s nothing you could ever say to make it not matter to me.
Don't devalue the act of creation. Don't dismiss something you made. It's out there, in people's thoughts and hearts and souls, and that is real. Even if you don't know it. Especially if you don't know it. Especially in a world where physical media is being snuffed out, the internet is constantly dying without any physical remains to recover, social isolation is rampant, and simply because independently produced content online is still media.
Fanfiction can hold equal or greater significance to someone as a book, but you can’t unpublish a book. Authors don’t have a button that can vaporize every copy of their work across all time, but fanfiction authors do. I’m not counting people who download fics either—when you buy a book, that transaction is over. But online, you have the power of unending transaction that can be terminated instantly at your will. The process of publishing fanfic vs. publishing a book may be different, but people’s connection to the art is the same intensity.
So yeah. I do get depressed about the Internet being a constant Alexandria, but the times I get the most depressed is when I click someone's page and see that all their work is gone because they're ‘curating a new aesthetic’ for their page or some shit. Or weeding out all the "ugly" art. Or just went on whatever the hell 'thrill deleting' is, because they just get a kick out of it.
Fuck it—yeah! It upsets me! I’m not wrong to say that. I’m saying it!
Under the cut, because it got long as shit! Also don’t worry the ending is way sappier and more ‘beauty of human nature’ vibe so it’s not all doom and gloom lol
What if that was someone's favorite art of that character. What if someone read that 'cringe oneshot' on the worst day of their life. What if that Warriors meme vid is still burned into a college student’s mind despite being gone for 10 years. What if it's actually not just you and the ones and zeros you rent out to the world—secure in knowing the original will always be on your computer for you to do whatever you want with it.
I really, deeply wish there was more of a general awareness of this, because even though social media can be used like a diary, that’s functionally the opposite of what it is. It’s social media. When you post, it’s no longer in a vacuum, even though you can’t see the real humans that content touches—often deeply.
Media is history. You shouldn’t burn that history just because you personally believe it isn’t worth saving.
Because it’s no longer just your personal opinion. It’s no longer just your personal work. it’s. history. Memory of media is not a suitable replacement for the media itself. If it was, we wouldn’t save anything at all. Nostalgia is an agent of that. The definition of nostalgia is grief for moments of the past that are inaccessible, and the biggest balm for that pain is accessing a physical reminder of those moments. That opinion of yours is no longer personal. It’s weighed against uncountable people across all time that your thing is ALSO personal to. People who would, and will mourn its absence.
How many times have you joined an older fandom only to discover that some of its most popular works are gone? How many times have you routed through random blogs looking for scraps people hopefully reblogged? how many times have you used Wayback machine desperately praying that a fan fiction or a YouTube video will be there? How many times do you look up crunchy old vines or YouTube videos or anime AMV‘s? How many times do you remember old fanfic.net sex that impacted you in middle school, only to shake your head and go ‘probably no point even looking.’
i mourn the absence. No, people can’t and shouldn’t have their agency over what they post revoked, but they should be conscious of that weight. If you’re reading this and getting extremely annoyed, and you’re not in the pink text above,,,, good.
I honestly do hope it gets under your skin. I hope it sits with you. I hope you feel it every time you hit that button, and whether or not you do hit that button—if you hesitate, if you remember this, even spitefully, I’ve done my job. I am howling into the void. And I may not want an answer, but I do want my anguish to be heard and remembered. Because it isn’t me just being melodramatic.
I know I sound that way writing so much, but if my favorite writing YouTuber can drop trow this week and go, "yeah, sorry, all my video essays from less than a year ago that you listen to in the car all the time? I'm "rebranding" my content so i deleted them. besides, my personal views don't really agree align with the analyses i did, or the techniques i taught in them anyway. Sorry if some of the literal tens of thousands of you used them, but I don't want to feel shackled to having youtuber "classics" tied to me”
….then i guess I'm just going to have to sound dramatic! That fucking sucks! Hours of work and knowledge gone! This was a new channel too. It’s very likely there’s no archive of any kind, because who would think someone who worked hard enough to write, record, and edit hour-long videos, would just turn around and nuke it all? I definitely didn’t see it coming, but I did just start a new screenwriting class a few weeks ago, so I’ll tell you at least one person is REALLY missing those fucking videos right now. Because a lot of them were about specifically screenwriting, which I know jack shit about. and that specific person’s pace, editing, and style of breaking down information was the best suited style I found that I could focus on and absorb. There’s no replacement for that. No alternative for his individual perspective. his jokes. his opinions.
No, they may not resonate with him now, but in this decision, he’s put up a big middle finger to everyone who might have. And he has like 100k subscribers! Those are confirmed supporters! Imagine how many silent and untethered observers are feeling this loss right now. Imagine how many will not have it in the future.
If he never posted them at all, we wouldn’t know we had it. It wouldn’t be a loss. But we did. We did have it. Until he decided that no, we didn’t, because he just happens to be the one out of millions of individuals holding the button to burn it in a hundredth of a second.
His personal work, the attachment I had to it, and the ways that it helped me are now just ripped away. I am one person out of millions, literal MILLIONS of people who saw and liked this content before it vanished. The soul has been ripped, the access severed, and by CJ’s (and my) definition, the art is functionally dead. Not for the YouTuber or anyone else lucky enough to save a link or download, but everyone else. From this point until the end of time, even if people even two weeks from now don’t know it. Even if someone who stumbles upon his channel today, doesn’t know it.
We only mourn the concept of Alexandria because we had some kind of scope for what was inside. Yes, maybe you got self-conscious and deleted your 12 year old deviant art account. Do you know who else is doing that?? THOUSANDS AND THOUSANDS of other twenty somethings who ALSO feel self-conscious about their old socials. Art. Fanfic. One direction fan videos. anything.
Suddenly, an unquantifiable amount of information from your age group—an entire age group in 2012, is. gone. And we will NEVER know what’s been erased from that history. We will NEVER know what could have been significant to us ten years from now. Twenty years from now. A hundred years. A thousand.
You could have deleted a fanfic that would have been someone else’s new go-to panic attack distraction tomorrow. You could have deleted a video someone used to laugh at with their friend who died yesterday. When you delete something, you risk tearing a hole in unknowable personal histories.
The Internet isn’t just a big library of Alexandria. It’s a library containing libraries. And those libraries have their own libraries in those libraries have their own as well. libraries inside libraries, inside libraries, ad infinitum. To conceive the amount of destroyed history on the Internet is crushing.
And I just can’t help but I ask myself how in gods name people can choose to contribute to that, instead of reposting everything to trash heap alts titled “hall of shame” or some shit.
You can offload to alts. Put up disclaimers. Make password locked blogs, or dropboxes, or anonymous imgur dumps. Anonymous reuploads. Orphan fics. Make a playlist or linktree of unlisted videos. Cut off the watermarks. Delete all references to it on your main. Make a dedicated unlisted playlist. make a google drive. Make new portfolio sites. Delete any questions you get about it. Change pen names. Pretend it never existed.
Give a heads up.
Something.
But don’t. kill. the media.
The knowledge that our stuff is going to forever be tied to us is a cross we have to bear, but the responsibility that comes with putting it out there in the first place, can’t be ignored.
Anyway. I'm not trying to start conflict. This is not a bash on anyone, nor a call for witch hunts. Or anon hate, or blocks and unfollows or anything of that nature. I'm not wishing ramifications or hate of any kind on anyone who does wants to do any of this.
I'm also not guilt tripping— I am not saying that you should feel bad. I AM saying why it makes me feel bad. That’s not guilting, it’s a dialogue. One I personally feel is long overdue.
It's me yelling into the void: please consider the real people on the other side of the screen before you hit that button. Realize and know that whatever you're about to erase from history could be the most important thing in the world to someone.
Art is an experience. It's why we revisit it. If art and history simply lived in the matter and code of media, we would only need to look at it once. We wouldn’t put things in museums. We wouldn’t build libraries. We wouldn’t look up vine compilations.
If you're able, consider (and I do mean consider, this is not a call to action) not destroying that. And don’t shrug it off as some pretentious asshole venting on Tumblr. You only need to look in the notes and tags to see that it isn’t just me. it’s never just me, or you, or the pixels.
And even if you do shrug it off, then at least recognize that what you make matters. Whatever you think about it, if it’s out there, that's not your discretion anymore. If a tree falls in the woods and even one person is around to see it, it fucking mattered. Because it happened. Don’t mulch your tree rings if you don’t have to. Because if enough people do it, a whole forest is gone. Media is history, no matter whether you think it’s worth putting in a museum, or only has 30 notes.
Thousands of years ago, a child named onfim doodled on his homework. They’re crude, and everyone has the wrong amount of fingers, and they’re also priceless archaeological artifacts recognizable throughout the world.
the only thing separating Onfim’s doodles and your MS paint Pokémon doodles is time. The only thing separating your old MS paint Pokémon doodles from being a priceless artifacts, thousands of years in the future is time. Your creations are already priceless artifacts. No matter what you do, don't ever, ever deny that. It isn’t blowing up your own ass, it’s artistic and anthropological fact.
The mundane and the supposedly unworthy are often the first things lost to time, and that’s why they’re so precious. That’s why artists who were before their time are scorned first only to be celebrated later. Do you think they knew that was going to happen?? What if they nuked it? Many probably did! But now that’s happening exponentially and instantaneously everywhere, WITHOUT the artist having to destroy their only copy—which makes it way easier and more dismissable.
Sometimes, If you’re revolutionary enough, people will make an effort to preserve your work, but recognized and thoroughly recorded work is rare compared to unrecognized and thoroughly recorded work.
Sometimes something is beloved enough that it would be impossible for it not to go down in history, but even then it isnt a guarantee, and it’s rare. But if van Gogh burned all of his paintings in a fit of despair before his death, we would have no van Gogh. Because he wasn’t respected as an artist in his time, but that wasn’t what defined the worth of his art. The people after him did, because his art was still there for them.
If you rip the art away, you're ripping a bit of the soul that has adhesive contact to it. If you belittle your art, you belittle the very real relationships and emotions and revisitations people have with the media. You defy the inherent worth and weight of a creation. you created. That's effort. It's passion. No matter how flippant or unskilled or worthless you think it is, it matters. Because at the end of the day, you could have chosen to make nothing at all, and you didn't.
Muting notifs
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cherrychilli · 3 months
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18+ Perv! Eddie, Eddie Munson x F! reader, friends to lovers, ogling, flashing(f) Summary: Eddie gives into his pervy side and you decide to have a little fun with him. WC:1K
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A/N: Inspired by that one scene from Inventing the Abbotts. Enjoy!
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The first time it happened it was an accident.
It started when he noticed you sitting a few tables away from him at the Hawkins Library when he looked up from his D&D campaign notes, quietly observing you out of the corner of his eye as you flipped through your college coursework.
He couldn't help but feel like he'd been blessed with a second chance, like this was his opportunity to finally get close to you after chickening out every time he came close to asking you out back when you were classmates in Highschool. But now that you're working on your degree here at a local college instead of schlepping off to another state, Eddie was slowly but steadily working up the nerve to finally do it.
But things became a little... complicated before he could try.
A week had passed and he'd fallen into the habit of stealing glances at you from a few tables away, hoping you couldn't feel his eyes on you while he tapped his pencil against his notes.
Today he was completely taken with the way you looked in your lavender dress, suspecting it to be a brand new addition to your wardrobe because he'd already had the rest of your outfits memorized. He liked the way the light caught the pretty jewelry adorning your fingers and neck too, distracted by they way they glinted and shimmered when suddenly he fumbles his grasp and his pencil slips free from between his fingers.
It rattles when it strikes the floor, rolling away under his table, too far for Eddie to try and pull it closer with his foot. With a sigh, he slinks out of his seat and crouches to retrieve it, about to get back up and into his seat when he happened to look in your direction, his whole body going completely still.
He only looks for a couple of seconds, rooted in place as he's treated to the perfect view right up your skirt, the hem of your dress sitting high around your thighs and your knees parted.
He could see every inch of your bare inner thighs from where he's ducked under the table, all that soft skin usually hidden from his sight beneath your clothes but what really made his heart thud rapidly against his ribcage like a paddle ball was that he could see your panties clearly too; sunny yellow with pretty daisies printed onto the cotton. He decides it's his new favorite color.
Those handful of seconds drag on for what feels like hours, committing every detail to memory until Eddie suddenly comes to an alarming realization, a familiar feeling beginning to stir below his belt.
He rips away then, scrambling noisily as he gathered his belongings which earns him a sharp look from the librarian and a curious look from you, quirking a brow up at him. Less than gracefully, he makes a break for the exit, mortified that he'd popped a semi in public just from getting a little peek up your skirt.
Never again, he'd sworn to himself.
Never again...
The second time it happened was no accident.
He knew it was wrong. He knew it was a sleazy thing to do. He knew he shouldn't do it. But after wrestling with the urge for three whole weeks, Eddie couldn't help it any longer.
You hadn't looked up much from your work today, scribbling and erasing and flipping through text books in peace.
Eddie tried to play it off exactly like last time, sly as he purposely knocks his pen over the edge of the table with his elbow, feigning annoyance as he slipped out of his seat and crouched underneath the table to seemingly to pick it up.
You're wearing a plaid skirt today, once more baring more of your thighs with the hem pulled up high but your knees weren't spread as far apart this time, denying him a clear view of your panties.
Just when he thinks he ought to give up and get back in his seat, your right knee sways away from your left, offering him a better view of your lilac panties, his newest favorite color as both of your legs spread so far apart that Eddie remains firmly rooted in place.
He drinks in every detail. The little birthmark on your left inner thigh, the way your panties cup your core so closely with your sweet pussy underneath that thin layer of lace and cotton, even the scar on your right knee, now mostly faded but still discernible if you look close enough and Eddie definitely was.
Seconds pass by again and he's simply too entranced to bother to be more careful. He commits every part of you to memory, eager to think back on every mental snapshot he's taken of you for when he's home with his hand curled around his dick.
But before he can think about it any longer, before he can enjoy the view you've granted him just a little more, reality suddenly comes crashing down on Eddie as a torn off sheet of paper is lowered beneath your table and held it between your legs where he's had his eye's fixed for the last few moments.
'Hi, Eddie'
He shoots up so quickly he ends up ramming the top of his head against the table, the impact echoing throughout the library as he smashes his gel pen against the wood in the process as well. The force of it snaps the ink chamber and sends splashes of navy blue ink across his shirt, chin and cheek, marking him like a criminal who'd just set off a dye pack.
Several heads turn his way to seek out the source of the commotion but he's too shaken and way too petrified to let the throbbing pain bother him or slow him down. Eddie scoops up his campaign notes and flees the library, but not before daring to look once in your direction, finding you giggling into your hand, your eyes so full of amusement and mirth.
God, he was never going to live this down.
He's all kinds of embarrassed and ashamed as he stalks through the parking lot towards his van, desperate to turn the radio all the way up and scream his frustrations out right there in the driver's seat but by the time he gets close enough to his faithful bucket of rust and bolts, he finds something waiting for him.
Wedged underneath one of the windshield wipers and flapping against the wind is a folded up piece of paper, arousing his suspicions enough to displace his many distressed thoughts.
Pulling it free, Eddie unfolds the little note, instantly recognizing the handwriting as his belly swoops and his chest fills with something far more preferable to the dread he'd been carrying during his bumbling escape. There might be some hope for him after all, he thinks as he continues to re-read the little scrap of paper, a beaming smile breaking out on his ink stained face.
'I've been watching you too. If you ever get tired of just looking, come closer and say hi xx'
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tenrose · 1 year
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I finished the Dark Forest and I honestly don't think this trilogy is gonna end well...
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christopher-the-cube · 2 months
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Let me get this straight:
- there was no dance number
- barely any good songs
- no mention of the weird Korean ben with the side part
- Sloane and Ray were written off with one (1) line
- sure Ray walked out but why on earth did Sloane disappear if she was there with them in hotel oblivion I guess we’ll never know
- we were told Reggie erased everyone’s memories about Ben’s death but ??? it was physically impossible for him to have erased ghost Ben’s memory. Like, did Ben never discuss that with Klaus? It looks like he didn’t even realize it was Reggie who shot him, did he never ask Klaus how he died? 😭
- they showed us sparrow ben obsessively drawing Jennifer in s3, sort of insinuating he survived the Jennifer incident in the sparrow timeline but he straight up didn’t recognize her at all now? It’s like they were meeting for the first time?
- where did that subway even come from
- um. Five and Lila
- how the hell are their kids alive in the last scene if the siblings never existed
- why the hell are the Swedes and pretty much everyone from the commission there alive at the same time if they were meant to be taken from different time periods and that’s meant to be a true and pure timeline without any time travel whammy
- seriously wasn’t there a scene with an old timey black and white picture of the Swedes they would NOT be there in 2019-2024-whatever-year-it’s-supposed-to-be
- why does grace have a stroller in that last scene whose kid is that
- on that note what’s up with Lila’s family, to me that kind of insinuates all of the 43 WERE born in that timeline but… there’s no mention of any of the children or any of the siblings bio families
- which completely ruins the last plot point of ALL of the marigolds having to be destroyed, please even if the other children weren’t born there they straight up still had a half a jar of marigolds in Diego’s van 😭😭😭
- ALSO what was Abigail’s motivation, am I crazy or did she go like “fuck you reggie for wanting to destroy the world to punish you I am going to destroy the world” ???????
And I’m not even touching the whole Five characterization thing oh my god
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norrizzandpia · 1 year
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This Is About Oscar?! (OP81)
Summary: Y/n’s new song exposes a side of Oscar no one knew about.
Warnings: the whole thing is basically just about sex, language
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y/nnn Surprise! 34+35 out tonight 💗
Comments:
oscarpiastri i think its pretty good
- y/nnn you only think that for one reason and we both know it
Liked by oscarpiastri
oscpastry guys… 34+35= 69……..
- mclarensgirly i fear we are getting the WHOLE story
- pieasstree YOU FEAR??? I WANNA KNOW
- mclarensgirly I MEAN ME TOO BUT HOW WILL WE LOOK BABY OSCAR IN THE EYE AFTER???
landonorris im scared oscar hasnt stopped smiling all day
- oscarpiastri what can i say? Its not everyday your girlfriend writes a song about you
- y/nnn babe youve heard the song im not sure you want to go broadcasting it that its abt you
- oscarpiastri are you kidding????? Of course i do
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y/nnn 34+35 out now (oscar wanted me to make it known the song is about him 🤦🏼‍♀️)
Comments:
oscpastry THIS SONG??????? IS ABOUT?????? OSCAR PIASTRI?????? THE RACING DRIVER??????? FOR MCLAREN???
- mclarensgirly YEAH WTF ARE WE MISSING SOMETHING
- pieasstree “you drink it just like water, you say it taste like candy” WHO IS THIS MAN
oscarpiastri this is the best day of my life
- pastry81 i dont know who you even are anymore
- f1butmore-mclaren how did mclaren even sign off on this
- y/nnn its my music i choose what i release all that mattered was if oscar was comfortable (he was comfortable to a degree that was concerning)
- oscarpiastri real
landonorris most recent google search: “how to erase your memory and ability to hear and see” i can never look either of you in the eye anymore
- y/nnn I TOLD YOU NOT TO LISTEN TO IT
- landonorris I DIDNT THINK YOU WERE GOING TO TALK ABOUT MY TEAMMATE THAT GRAPHICALLY
- y/nnn thats your own fault then
Twitter Thread
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pieasstree youre gonna tell me 34 35 is abt this man.
- oscpastry “even though im wifey you can hit it like a side chick” is dick whipped the correct term for this???
- mclarensgirly plz never say dick whipped again but yeah i believe so
- pieasstree WE ARE MOVING AWAY FROM THE MAIN TOPIC OF CONVO. HOW IS THIS ABOUT HIM. IT JUST DOESNT MAKE SENSE.
- oscarsmyfav i dont know what i was expecting from that song but “i know all your favorite spots, we can take it from the top, youre such a dream come true, make a bitch wanna hit snooze” WAS NOT IT.
- hisrookieseason “i dont wanna keep you up, but show me can you keep it up cause then ill have to keep it up” I HEARD THAT AND IT ALL MADE SENSE
- oscpastry YEAH LIKE NOW I UNDERSTAND WHY HES SO MELLOW ALL THE TIME ITS BC HES TIRED
- oscarpiastri never too tired tho
- pieasstree WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON
- oscpastry AM I IN A DREAM THIS IS NOT THE OSCAR I KNOW???????
- y/nnn its the oscar i know…
- mclarensgirly WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK IS GOING ON HERE
- oscpastry im so scared rn but also SO intrigued
- pieasstree its the way theyre probably sitting next to each other and laughing at all of us distraught fans
- y/nnn hes very pleased with himself (👇🏻)
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- pieasstree i rlly just dont understand how that man THAT BOY could cause an earthquake in bed as y/n said
- y/nnn trust me he could.
- oscarpiastri trust me i can and i have.
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ohcorny · 1 month
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i reread all of chobits recently as insp for my next TT book and every time i think about some aspect of it all i want to do is rip it open and tear it apart and go "why?". it brings up so many concepts and scenarios within the premise of "what if computers looked like pretty girls" but it doesn't want to commit to saying anything about it or take its own world seriously.
i have a lot to say about chobits. arguably i have more to say about chobits than even chobits wants to say about chobits.
chobits is about sex except it isn't about sex at all. chi's power switch is in her vagina. we're shown images of chi doing sexy things, she gets tricked into doing a strip tease, and two separate men try to finger her and she does her Do Not Touch Me There magic powers thing, and we eventually learn every time she resets from the power button, her memories are erased, so you can't have sex with her without deleting her.
but we never unpack why her reset button is in her vagina, or why it's so important that nobody can ever touch her, or why people's personal computers were built with vaginas in the first place (we never have it confirmed that all persocoms have them, but that two separate men try to touch her there imply it's expected). why do the personal computers shaped like women have vaginas if not to fuck them. as a product, it is expected that you will fuck them*.
*i assume, because the comic never says so!
the man who invented persocoms is the same person who built chi and her sister, and he built them to be daughters for his wife. he put the reset button in chi's vagina. we never find out why. we never get a HINT of why. he built the chobits so they could feel and fall in love, but also built them so they could never fuck. you can extrapolate a reason why a man might build his daughter-androids that way, but the series itself never touches it, and never makes any sort of point about it. it's just presented as an immutable fact that chi can't fuck without it deleting her, as if it was born of happenstance and not a person's choice.
what does that actually say about anything? what is it trying to say about sex? is it about the commodification of female bodies, how once they're used up sexually they're worthless? that if you can't love somebody without fucking them, what good is your love? that love without sex is okay (but also a huge burden and sacrifice a man must accept for the sake of someone else's happiness?)
what does it want to say! chobits is about sex, but it doesn't want to commit to any specific message about sex.
and that's just ONE issue i have with it. there are so many things chobits wants to be about but won't say anything about. it wants to be about the persocoms replacing human connections, we constantly get told 'gee people hang out with persocoms a lot', chitose publishes a whole inexplicable book series about people preferring persocomes to humans. it's to the degree that a prominent character's husband gets So wrapped up in (presumably) fucking his android that he locks his actual wife out of the house, having just straight up forgotten she exists. we don't have anything to say about it though. she falls in love with a new man. the people who hang out with their persocoms too much are all background characters in crowds. we never look at how the rise in persocoms has affected society as a whole.
it wants to be about grief, in the story about the man who marries a persocom and has to watch her slowly degrade until she can't remember him anymore, or the kid whose older sister died and he tried to replace her with a persocom who he dresses up/treats as a maid and lives alone with despite being omega orphaned and 11 years old. but then it's fine. the man who married a persocom gets in a relationship with a high school girl 20 years younger than him (CLAMP!). it's fine! the boy who tried to replace his older sister just accepts that the persocom replacement won't replace her. still treats/dresses her up like a maid and lives alone. is she his legal guardian. i don't know. don't worry about it.
and it wants to be about women, because everything about the story is about women, all the persocoms are women, all the tragedies are wrapped up in the death of a woman, or a woman's heartbreak, or a woman's feelings. but it has fucking nothing to say about women beside look how pretty they are. my boobs are E cup, sempai :) teehee
it makes me insane.
friend @amphiaria put it best as "Unfortunately the story is uninterested in itself" and i can never forgive it for being so aesthetically good, giving us the best design for an android (the ear things are Perfect) and then being So Fucking Bad.
in conclusion:
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honeqq · 15 days
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Thinkin' about the mentality of Bill within the Mr Bill Pines au.
Bill wanted the universe to provide further distractions. A nonstop chaotic party central where he doesn't have to think about his obvious repressed genocide related trauma/regrets regarding the whole "oops I genocide my entire society" thing. For him to give that up, it makes me think he saw Ford as a fair trade off for it. Even if only temporary. Ford already makes him feel like he rules the universe so maybe the actual one could wait. Even if their relationship is seemingly all sweet n fluff, that's part of the issue. There probably wouldn't be proper communication. Just Bill dodging any attempts at serious discussion and still, even if he cares about Ford, treats him like a pet where he trades providing him with a happy, idealized and spoiled life for companionship.
GOSH- You explaining my bill so well , my bill flaw with his feeling is quite giving him big insecurity , he hate the feeling ford gave to him the first time they met it's sicken him how he found someone he can related too and be weak because of it. He even consider to stop meeting ford and just find other scientist but still attach to him later, he always trying to ignore his sin put it far back on his mind, And if ford ever found out about it what he did to his Dimension he just think he just need to erase the memory of it, he can't bare to lose another person he loved because of him, even he will not giving ford a chance to talk about it. And yeah He grow fond with other pines too! he feel he finally have family and home to came home too but slowly looking at ford aging make him having a second thoughts
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gojossocks · 6 months
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We can't be friends
Gojo x Reader Summary: You decided to erase Gojo from your memory.
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“Who is Gojo Satoru to you?”  
You shift uncomfortably in your seat, before giving the doctor a tight-lipped smile. “W-we were together for 6 years.” 
He’s no one important really, just the love of your life. 
There has been an on-going trend all over the world— technology has upgraded enough that you can erase someone entirely out of your memory, as if they’ve never existed. If they do, it wasn’t like how you knew them. 
You weren’t sure what dragged you in this clinic with all of the most important things that remind you of him. Maybe it was the way he ignored you like the plague, the way the familiarity in his eyes disappeared just earlier last week when he spoke to you so freely like you’ve never been together. It was clear that he got his memory of you erased after that incident. You were just another colleague. Perhaps, the pain in your heart is too much to handle. 
You don’t remember the way to the clinic that much. It was a surprise you even got there in one piece considering you were sobbing the whole way there. So even if you aren’t entirely sure whether you’re ready to let go of Satoru, you signed the consent form anyway. 
If he’s got you erased completely from your life, then what’s the point of living in hell remembering him? You didn’t want to mourn for someone alive and well. 
You never really understood why he left because everything was just working out between the two of you. Satoru provided you with no explanation and packed up his things to leave you behind to your own devices. You almost wanted to back out when you started reminiscing vividly of everything you once shared with him. 
You remembered falling in love with him, how it feels like the first day of spring, how his kisses taste like daylight. How he squeezes your hand three times before you part ways for a mission.  How he holds you like you’re the only thing that matters in his world. How it was always you and him against the world, him making you laugh while you tended to his wounds. He would tell you that everything would be okay because he has you and only you. 
The bad outweighed the good that you had forgotten that loving him and being loved with him is something that you never wanted to forget, even if your relationship with him crashed and burned. You don’t want him to be a stranger you can’t recognize anymore.
But it had already been done and everything faded into nothingness as you try to grasp with whatever you have left of him.
-.- 
You have been working with Gojo for quite some time now, maybe about six years. But you’ve never directly initiated conversations with him outside work. He’s the only one you don’t know much about in Jujutsu High. Today is no different as you’re waiting with him in the clinic for your mutual friend Shoko. 
“That’s a beautiful necklace you have there.” He acknowledges you for the first time since you got there. Even if you’re just a few meters away, he doesn’t talk to you. You find that a little bit weird because everyone tells you that he’s obnoxious and loud. Somehow with you, he’s always quiet. 
You didn’t remember much of how you got the necklace. You figured that the reason why Gojo’s asking about it is because it matches the color of his eyes. There was a hazy memory though— you were crying, telling a doctor to ‘let me keep it, please. Just this one.’ but you didn’t think much of it. Maybe it was all a dream. 
You responded with a laugh before toying with the pendant of the necklace. “Yeah, It was a gift to me.” 
“Oh?” He looked at you through his glasses, his intense gaze making you feel a little nervous. “Mind telling me who?” 
“I forgot.” You replied,  slowly relaxing in your seat while looking around at Shoko’s clinic. He nodded at you, a small smile adorning his lips and he didn’t say anything more. 
You missed the way his eyes linger on you for a moment before putting back his blindfold on or the apologetic look that Shoko gave him before he leaves. 
“So, who’s Gojo Satoru to you?” 
“He’s the strongest of course.” 
But to him, you’re still his everything—because he didn’t really remove you from his memory. Maybe if he was braver, you’d remember him. 
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a/ n: part 2? :0
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