#what they're being told etc etc
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(AA) hey, Mr. Martin, if you’re still doing oc asks, you mind if I ask some more? I literally know nothing (or, if I do, it’s very little) about them, and I figured you’d like to talk about them more too! So…for Lord Naasfilrah, 23? (As a god, I imagine he’s above our morals) and 29 for Shara? (What does a Shara Ishvalada even EAT?…I wonder…🤔)
i WILL get to the rest of my asks either later tonight or sometime tomorrow BUT i am in an oc mood so this one gets a special exception jgjgjv
oc ask meme!
23: Is your character morally gray or black or white?
naas is.... pretty damn morally gray; he definitely isn't as "true evil" as his brother, but he also sure as fuck isn't a saint by any means. he's very much the type that he WILL get done what he wants to by any means, no matter the consequences---though he is acutely aware of his role as destroyer, and he doesn't take nearly as much twisted pride in it as alaakiilah does; destruction as a necessary evil, is the way he sees himself. while he absolutely does not care about mortal life being caught in the crossfire of his actions, he is mindful of the world itself and tries to limit the amount of damage done to it.
29: What would be your character's favorite food?
you have NO idea how excited this specific question makes me because it's actually one of my favourite aspects of shara; hot chocolate! while their natural diet would probably be something more like absorbing energy from the earth itself via their wings (and maybe tail), they've taken a liking to hot chocolate specifically thanks to my friend @wolfoflyngvi 's oc, fenrir, who's one of the few people to genuinely consider shara a friend<3 they can fairly frequently be seen with some when in their mortal form, and they especially like it with marshmallows. they also just like marshmallows in general a lot too, they're especially fascinated by the tiny ones
#mar.txt#answered#aiden anon#oc tag: naasfilrah#oc tag: shara#shara's adoration of hot chocolate is by far one of my favourite things to have ever come out of rp for any of my ocs#in general tbh i'm very emotional over shara just like. as a whole? specifically like. how much humanity they have despite being so far#disconnected from it and not even really fully 'understanding' it#the way they consciously choose to cut their food into smaller bites before eating it in their mortal form. their adoration of hot chocolate#the way they choose to socialize and mingle with mortals despite being so socially awkward (despite being omnipotent so in theory they know#how to Not be socially inept/awkward ,they just are nonetheless)#the way they enjoy listening to mortals talk and enjoy hearing people tell them things even if they already know all of it,what will be said#what they're being told etc etc#the way they feel genuine guilt over certain things (ie everything with shang or blaming themself partway for what happened to naas even if#they know logically/rationally that wasn't their fault) despite being so disconnected from emotions they practically don't have any.....#picking up on mortal body language and mimicking it to try and make mortals feel less offput by them,especially in their mortal form......#moreover the fact that all of this is like. a conscious Decision on their end. they're Choosing to do all of this. they don't Have To,and#there's a STARK contrast between how they used to be vs the way they are now based on what they've picked up from mortals and the people#they consider their friends#i just adore them so much</3
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the closest ill ever get to being a pick me girl is the joy that fills me when the chefs at work so clearly favouritise me. like im there nicely cleaned up in my smart-casual uniform just a 20 year old waitress smiling my customer service smile and behind me spawns Scary Dog Privilege 10x in the form of several burly middle-aged chefs at least three of which have criminal records and would all stick a bread knife in someone for bothering me
#like it's really funny bc i worked HARD with back of house bc i knew my job would be significantly easier if they liked me#(it speeds your orders through. you can ask for things without being told to fuck off during a rush. they'll get you food on shift etc)#and also there's a stereotype especially in fancier places where floor staff look down on kitchen staff and i think that's shitty#so i was always going to be try with them and be nice but ALSO when i first started my job it was in a peak era so while these days#we're struggling a lot and have had to employ a lot of college kids that dont know what they're doing#when i joined it was all private school girls that would swan about the place very snootily. so the divide between front and back of hosue#was INTENSE when i joined. and there i was a little state school girlie and the chefs immediately recognised that#and took me under their wing. so even though the class angle doesnt exist so much anymore and theres majority state schoolers#im still very much in with the chefs in a way not many of the other floor staff are. and there's also the fact im not scared of them#like chefs ARE rude and a lot of them DONT like or even respect floor staff but i will GLADLY tell them to fuck off if i think it necessary#and that's a language they understand like ironically there's one chef that doesnt get on with ANY of the waitresses#(i talked about him on another post he's the soup one) but he likes me bc when he tried that rude dismissive act i told him to shove it#and now the other waitresses literally SEND ME TO TALK TO HIM when they have questions/want something bc they know he'll listen to me#and me and the head chef are besties and the one kp will talk OVER THE OTHER WAITRESSES' heads and completely blank them#so she can talk to me and it's all just really funny bc the kitchen staff LOVE me and that's not even me being arrogant#it's like a known thing at work that they love me and im just. a 20 year old 5'2 waitress with my little pearl necklace and blouse#and some tattooed ginger mohawked 6ft chef is there getting angry for me when i come in complaining about a table#or the kp that is literally on probation will give me a sticky toffee pudding and tell everyone to leave me the fuck alone LMAO#hella slaves to capitalism
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did anne have the motto "me and mine" some time? i don't hear much discourse on it compared to the grudge one
oh, i've seen discourse about it...
(ahem,)
tracy borman (recently) cites a secondary source (book, published 20c) for this motto, but as i don't have access to that, i don't know what his source is...
"The falcon was often painted in silver, with a gold crown and sceptre, standing on a gold trunk out of which spouted red and white roses and the words 'Mihi et mea' ('Me and mine' or 'me and my love') ." Pinches, J.H. and R.V., the Royal Heraldry of England (London, 1974) p.146
#anon#mihi et mea you could search for#maybe?#no lol but the discourse i have seen makes me like...#how funny would it be if this never was (as early back as i've been able to find. so far? agnes strickland)#A#and also#B#if it is then that makes me love her even more.#it's very definitive about the importance of family to her and it's girlboss. what now#similar to#falcon on cupboard cloth (as it so happens...an art project created in the 2010s level of fake news)#discourse#and falcon in margin of motet#disc. ars.#(that's what gets me about most of the snarky speculation about anne boleyn....#like this is 100% something not proveable or as a matter of fact- disproven#but you've spun such a narrative solely based on it that you're so invested in#that being told the source was apocryphal or whatever#doesn't move them even half an inch#it's the most ego-driven; nastiest interpretation of someone who was probably...#maybe a grain of what they're claiming#but they have to completely run with it#whether it's about elevating someone else (cromwell#etc))#or just NLOGing into the sun.
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Really liking what they're doing so far with the basics and implementation tests with Liko and the others and how each test and Gym Leader they are facing pertains to their specific arcs as characters.
Liko's battles so far having her learn to enjoy the moment (VS Kaede, who is someone who holds back on some level just like Liko does) and allowing herself to go all out and using battles as a way to connect with her Pokemon's emotions which is her goal as a trainer (VS Chili). So her battles are more on the emotional side and deal with passion, which fits her development (especially since she is learning to find things she can be passionate about). Her test against Grusha will presumably deal with that too, since as far as I know, Grusha was passionate about snowboarding and eventually had to retire (in the games, at least), so we'll see how the anime chooses to use his character. He made a comment to Liko after seeing her battle against Chili in HZ056 ("if that's enough to raise your spirits, you must be pretty frigid"), which makes me think their battle could deal with "passion" in general.
Roy is learning to be more observant in general through his battles so far, and he is improving on the technical side of things. He realized that moves could be added to one another, and that battles could be made together with his opponent. Him facing artists of all kinds (Colza, Hassaku and eventually Ryme) also shows that he is learning to perfect his craft as a trainer and taking his time instead of rushing in. (Also, I like that it's specifically Roy who faces the trainers who are artists. You'd think that maybe since Liko likes drawing and has an affinity with art, she'd be more connected to these characters, but it's Roy who is involved with them and it fits really well with his arc.)
With Dot, I like that she is feeling frustration for different reasons during her battles so far. She was frustrated that she lost against Nanjamo in HZ050 but admits that she had fun. She was frustrated that she won against Poppy in HZ055 because she felt like her victory wasn't truly hers and that she couldn't have done anything by herself. And it looked like she was a bit frustrated after her battle against Aoki in HZ059 because she felt she was close to potentially defeating one of his Pokemon. I feel like she is starting to want to win too. Makes sense that she is going through these stages of frustration which will push her to want to improve as a trainer since she only came out of her room to travel outside in this chapter. Liko and Roy went through similar stages before too (Liko was frustrated at not being able to defeat Amethio in HZ007, and Roy felt something similar too when Rayquaza wouldn't look his way back in HZ033 for example, and both times it motivated them to grow stronger).
Also, I was kind of wondering why Dot was made to face Aoki for her implementation test at first, but I like the contrast with him and Nanjamo. Nanjamo is a streamer so she is someone who draws attention to herself and likes standing out, while Aoki is the complete opposite of that and takes pride in not standing out and being a regular person. So this kind of fits Dot in different ways.
#genuinely liking what they're doing with this course so far tbh#i love how the writing explores battles in different ways and in ways that are relevant to the trio's personal development#instead of making them the same thing#they each learn different lessons out of their battles#and with roy and ryme for example you really get the feeling that it's been preplanned for a long time#ryme being his last tester is naturally built towards and they probably waited for this specific confrontation for hogator's evolution#(presumably if he is evolving there)#also loved how nanjamo told dot directly what she wanted to teach her#and aoki taught her in a roundabout way and let her think for herself etc#liko#roy#dot#pokemon dot#hz059#character notes#episode notes
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i would like to stop experiencing the full spectrum of human emotions every day please. putting this out into the universe
#had suchhh a good workday. had hot pot with my roommate where we talked about our quarter life crises#and then came home and had a 3 hour screaming match with both of my parents where i said i was cutting them out of my life#it turns out. my dad still does not understand what the word bi means even tho his fucking wife is bi#he was like 'so you marry someone and six months later you see someone else you like and u go marry them instead?'#like genuinely. truly trying to understand#and that shocked me enough to stop crying#do not reblog please#like in hindsight it is SO funny#and that was the point where i was like. wait is this not malice#this is homophobia but i don't think it's malice#anyways we're all Ok now#we've agreed that i'm going to do what i want#and even if they're unhappy they're still gonna have a relationship with me#and they'll figure out how to adjust#my brother periodically came into the room and also screamed at my parents#i feel bad for them a lil bit. like they're not bad people#after he left my mom told me that a week and a half ago#my brother came into her room and told her that when she died he would bury her in a grave instead#of the traditional last rites (cremation rituals etc etc)#if she wouldn't accept me#and my mom said she was on a bunch of meds cause she's sick so she was so out of it it didn't even register what he was going on about#and then today after that convo she was like WAIT A MIN WHAT THE FUCK DID THIS BOY SAY TO ME#funniest 16 year old u could have on your side#truly he kept coming into the room every 5 min and going HEY HAVE YOU BOTH CONSIDERED NOT BEING HOMOPHOBIC. HAVE YOU.#HEY CAN U TELL YOUR DAUGHTER YOU STILL LOVE HER MAYBE??? THINK??? USE YOUR BRAIN???#this is why i would die for this kid#he's the best#he's such an idiot most of the time but when he's not being an idiot he's my favorite person on earth#don't tell him that tho anyone please#he'll hold it against me forever and ever as siblings do
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"you are not immune to propaganda/cult indoctrination" is largely useful and the sort of shit it's used to point out as not making you immune (being "smart" or a certain degree of educated, etc) is worth pointing out and it never feels like the appropriate place to mention it, but a lot of people seem to be conflating "the things people think make them immune to this kind of thing doesn't because it doesn't work that way" along with "the same conditions that make people more vulnerable to indoctrination/conspiritorial thinking/etc can happen to anyone" with "everyone in the world is equally vulnerable to every kind of indoctrination under the same conditions" and i just don't think that's objectively true.
It may be true that someone started out holding one belief and flipped to hold the apparently opposite belief, but does that actually mean everyone who holds that belief is equally liable to change their mind? Why did they hold that belief in the first place? Is it consistent with their values and what they care about more broadly, and do they specically go out of their way to combat the potential for misinformation and propaganda? Are they prone to making their decisions based on what the people around or closest to them think instead of thinking for themselves? To what extent do they base their values and decsions on kneejerk emotional reactions? (these aren't the only factors obviously, just examples of other potential contributing factors) It is not a given that everyone will answer these questions in the same way, and this is part of why different people respond differently in similar situations. Also not everyone will respond positively to techniques that often work to draw people in (eg lovebombing is a common tactic that works on a lot of people, but may be actively offputting or ring alarm bells for others; different people have different tolerances for attempts at social control and some might nope out the moment they see it attempted regardless of any other factors).
"You Yes Even You" can be an important tactic to get people who wouldn't otherwise to legitimately consider why these tactics work on people and what might work on them and keep in mind that the people it Does happen to usually aren't aware of it and it's not always their fault the way it's often presented, but that is not objectively the same thing as "anyone can fall down any pipeline not matter what forever"
like maybe no one is literally "immune to propaganda" but if a type of propoganda is something that necessarily hinges on X mechanism and a person is notorious for both intellectually and instinctively being violently opposed to X. then yeah I think the propoganda that hinges on X is probably going to be a Very Difficult to Impossible sell, even potentially under coercion, especially if that person has already demonstrated that they are willing to put themeslves at risk/resist that kind of coercion about it. unless your argument is that there is scp level literal mind control happening.
#a lot of people talk about how they were initially conservative because they grew up surrounded by and being taught that#and it's true that there are circumstances like that that can make it less likely for people to initially form different opinions/etc#i'm not saying that it inherently happens because people are fundamentally less intelligent or whatever#but it's also true that there are people who decide to question that sort of thing from an early age and without outside intervention#maybe they noticed holes in the logic and 'care more about being right than being happy'#maybe they decided truth/accurate information was important enough they were going to fact check Everything to be sure#maybe they didn't appreciate being expected to trust/agree blindly with whatever they were told#and that would be the case regardless of who said it or what they were saying#this doesn't mean they're 'smarter' but i do think there are factors/personal values/personal reactions even#that can make you less succeptible to certain things. for example if you're fundamentally opposed to the sort of#social control cults use (not just because you intellectually recognise that it's important/moral standards. i don't want to#really get into 'force of will/resolution' arguments here because that's not really what i'm trying to point out#and people might take that as being like. inherently 'better' or something) but because#say you're violently repulsed by the concept like on an instinctive visceral level and have a track record of noping out#the second you see anything resembling them (maybe even to your detriment in certain situations/false alarms/etc.#again i'm not trying to make the argument of people having like. a uniquely accurate and foolproof Cult Radar superpower)#then yeah i don't know if 'immune' is the word i'd use but i'd think you're probably way less likely to stick around if it's#a deal breaker no matter what for you. or if you have that response to a common tactic to be drawn in by that specific tactic#than someone without that viceral response would be even under extremely comparable circumstances.#like people can and do cut off people they're very close to or put themselves in danger for similar reasons (or for less tbh)#because different people are different and respond differently to things and have natural strengths and weaknesses and#personality traits and like. variation in general. that may make various tactics more or less likely to work on them.#it's not a matter of being 'smarter' or generally 'better' and there are a variety of differenft factors involved#(so someone could be resistant to a certain tactic but uniquely sicceptible to another) but like.#it's a thing that can probably happen i think. no experience is universal#mypost#this is just a pet peeve rip. can you tell this has been building for a while.
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sometimes my bestfriend is like an angel in disguise istg
#i was justttttt thinking that aw it's so sad that navratri music is playling everywhere and i don't have friends to go with#like last year atleast i had tuition sorta friends but now ive isolated them too it sucks#but i was like well it's okay ill do it when i grow up celebrate every festival i didn't get to in my house because we just never do#and then she calls and she's like let's go this club jahan every year famous hota hai full celebration#and i was like ehh i don't want to i don't even know how to play and ill have to convince dad for raat can't we just#go to a cafe or something dopahar mein uske liye i don't even need permission#and she even agreed but she sounded sad and disappointed about it so i was like well fuck it you want to go club na#and she was like yeahhh so i was like aagh okay and i asked and we're going tomorrow!!!!!#and it's so ridiculous like i just say i don't want to go but it's actually so exciting to go someplace other than a cafe!!!!#and i was complaining to her ki okay ill go but i won't dress up and five mins later me and mumma are making full outfit with dupatta#style decided jewellery she has saved for years that are specifically navratri types and she's like we'll get my blouse altered it's fine#you know being sick has really given me perspective on my parents#im not going to hate my mom anymore i never used to growing up i always thought she was brave but helpless#but a stupid day in 12th i realised when we were talking that technically she COULF get divorced she just#doesn't want to because she'll be alone and she thinks we're growing up and leaving anyway so why should she let go of financial#stability for us. which is wild to me because girl you can't buy anything you want without his permission so i don't understand what's the#point if he's rich or poor but whatever whatever she's been raised this way etc etc#but anyway being sick really made me realise who the real monster is😭 all dad did was shout horribly at me all the time#and was like don't you dare take meds they're fake this is all just junk food stop eating it and you'll be fine. when i was literally#having 103 FEVER.#and mom was the one who was making me different drinks juices cutting up fruits staying with me as i get my blood drawn#checking my fever sote jaagte#like wow i literally wouldn't have gotten better if it wasn't for her and i couldn't believe how attentive and nice she was being#like yes i understand she just thinks this is her duty she's just playing her role a mother a housewife but still#idk i just realized that okay atleast she's good at being a mother dad isn't even that why am i feeling good about him when his love#not even love his politeness is so fucking conditional#and mom healed me even tho i told her about clubbing and drinking lots of alcohol she's kinda against it because she's seen#horrible things in life family yucky men but still she understands ans trusts my sister mostly and know we just do it for fun and she#wasn't even mad!!!!!!! like wow ooay#moms love is actually not conditional for the first time in my life i felt like if i fall maybe she could be there to catch me and dad wld
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big fan of things ending. for good, even.
#I forget if I made this post already but sometimes things are good because they cannot be repeated#like yes are there stories we tell again and again: Gilgamesh the Odyssey Macbeth Romance of the Three Kingdoms etc etc#but crucially 1) they are reinterpretations of a pre-existing text or story#Homer is not out here churning out Odyssey II or Iliad: the Endless Reboot#like we know the story but it's told to us in a different way because there's some new way to look at it#and 2) they're actually significant stories to culture that have layers and meaning and portray something meaningful about humanity#and when they're told to us again and again they're COMPLEX#so there's generally something new for each new audience#and like#I am not saying that superheroes or Star Wars cannot have something meaningful to say#like I genuinely think they do#Star Wars has a story to tell that is fascinating it's a traditional fantasy set in space and the villain is the father#And what does it mean to love and forgive someone? these are fascinating to explore#and superheroes are basically the modern equivalent of demigods and legendary heroes except limited by the fact that#their stories have to make money so they actually can never grow or come to a satisfying conclusion#but the current stories being told and retold are shallow and endlessly repeated until they become stale#(and don't get me started on spoilers and how that's ruined a lot of people's perceptions about storytelling)#like not every adaptation or retelling of say Pride and Prejudice or the Iliad or Hamlet is going to be good#but at least there's something there relevant to the complicated lives of people?? and it's not simplistic?? I mean yes sometimes it can be#a little simplistic#but in their simplicity they reveal layers of humanity more obviously#whereas when I see a lot of the reboots and sequels they're just about making money#getting laughs#the story they tell is shallow so it can appeal to the broadest group of people but in a way that doesn't make anyone think too deeply#COULD these stories be deeper?? yes absolutely#some of them are quite good#The Winter Soldier was good and even if I didn't like everything in the Nolanverse the second Batman movie was also good#so the potential is there#but once again it's limited by people who 1) want to make money 2) want to write a simple story so people like it without thinking and#3) I hate to say it but not everything in pop culture is actually that deep so any reboots or sequels are probably not
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What tarot card are you?
the star
ㅤthere is something wonderful stirring in the depths of your being. something within you– something latent– is sleeping there, in the cradle of your mind. creativity comes naturally to you, just as breathing or blinking. you have the capability to extend yourself through art. but are you afraid of it? creating something– terribly afraid that it will never be as good as you hope? it will never be made unless you use your own hands. NUMBER: 17 UPRIGHT: hope, faith, purpose, renewal, spirituality REVERSED: lack of faith, despair, self-trust, disconnection
tagged by:ㅤ@mirrordread ♡♡♡
#━━ ˟ ⊰ ✰ dash meme.#yes. YES. there's a reason they don't share their art often#or very openly#and it's that fear of being told that it isn't good#their whole life they've had the things they're not good at - school-related things mostly - thrown in their face#like. never given a chance to forget it.#everything they're good at is the sort of thing that doesn't get praise and instead is looked down upon - fighting stealing etc.#art is the one exception. it's the one talent they have (in their mind) that others might approve of#but they're afraid to share it bc what if it's not as good as they think? what if they're bad at it like they are everything else?#if someone were to tell them their art is bad it might actually break them ngl#SO YEAH they're pretty protective of it#they don't even put their all into their art classes bc they're afraid of the critique that might result#i need to stop these tags are too long but i'm on a roll here
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why is it so hard to recognize that all this info about bills and such is something you can acquire via googling and making phone calls to people who work in these departments and--yes!--asking them questions on what your best next step is? how does making this about systemic oppression help you or anyone else complete practical, adult tasks? when you point at a paper bill from a medical institution and declare it fundamentally classist, does the bill magically crumple into the dust, the issue dealt with and over because you aptly named the systemic issue at play? no!
do you get angry at mechanics when they tell you they have an idea regarding how your car could be fixed, also? how does that help you? what have you learned from deciding to be angry as opposed to using the information dealt to you? perhaps you should not be told by cashiers either about when the sales happen or how items are put on clearance lest their Insider Knowledge tell you something you don't know and--gasp--come from a place of privilege.
the point of my info and OP's is practical use. "if you have this problem, [x] might solve it." privilege or no, how the info is acquired doesn't matter as much as whether or not it's accurate and helps people. and despite your daftness, i very much hope any of this info helps YOU. or if not you, then someone you know. or someone completely random, i don't give a damn.
Ok so my kid had an ear infection, right? As kids often do.
The doctor scraped out a bit of earwax to have a better look inside.
I was sent a bill for $200 PER EAR for this 5 second procedure which I did not give permission for them to do.
That was key- they did not ASK me if they could do this "procedure". And, as I OWN a medical practice (it's me. The medical practice is me, sitting in my house on video calls) I knew to call them when this bill came in to be like "You did not obtain informed consent for this procedure, and it was not en emergency procedure. You had full ability to gain my consent and didn't. I'm not paying."
And the massive hospital who owned the bill said "yuh-huh you do have to pay."
And I said "I own a practice. I know these laws. I do not owe you money for this."
And they conducted an "internal review" and SURPRISE! Decided I totally owed them money and they had never done anything wrong ever.
And so I called my state's Attorney General office, and explained the situation because, as I mentioned, I know the law. The AG got in touch within a couple days to say they were taking the case and would send the massive hospital conglomerate a knock it off, guys letter.
Lo and Behold, today I have a letter where said hospital graciously has agreed to forfeit the payment.
"How not to get screwed over by companies" should be part of civics class.
Know your rights and know who to call when they're infringed on. This whole process cost me $0 and honestly less effort than I would have expected.
May this knowledge find its way to someone else who can use it.
#the interest in ... what#wanting to talk theory or contemplate classism#over just taking the info and using it#is just stupid#there's a time for theory and then there's a time#for using your head.#some problems exist in the real world and need solving now#and other problems are the kinds of things you write essays about because they're not currently an active threat to you#and if you are focusing on writing essays about systemic issues rather than applying practical fixes available to you#do you think yelling to a void will whisk your problems away?#i didn't learn anything about insurance by being in healthcare b/c that's not my job and my job has nothing to do with that#maybe if i worked in the billing department you could attempt to say something about privelige then but EVEN then#privilege ... what???? where's the systemic privelige you cyclops i'm trying to share info with you#not use what i've seen at my job to privately benefit just myself at the expense of others#with intent to ensure others don't have access to it#in fact the reason i even bothered telling you (as i have told many others IRL) is so other people could know and use the same info#aka leveling the playing field/spreading the wealth etc.#bah. it doesn't matter. or more specifically you don't matter. you seem like the sort of#person who would attempt#to drown themself in a fish bowl in an attempt to angrily prove a point#that ultimately effects no one and only harms yourself#you can lead the horse to water but you can't make it drink etc etc#you are a horse fleeing a creek at top speed neighing angrily all the way about how someone knowing about the creek is privelige#what on earth do you think you're proving you clown#things i've actually learned at my job: what happens behind the scenes when it's decided you are an Emergency emergency case and need#to be operated on in less than 2 hours lest you die#and the sheer magnitude of how many people on all levels get involved to make that happen#the amount of phone calls that made and so on and so forth#and how to tell someone at a hospital that you want to go somewhere else#which is something your average person does 24/7 my info is just Yeah Keep Insisting Till It Happens
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Important rules/tips I've learned as an adult that helped with anxiety
If people are mad at you, it's their responsibility to tell you, not your responsibility to guess
If they're mad at you in secret anyways, they're the ones in the wrong, not you
If people don't like what you're doing, it's their responsibility to tell you
If they say it's fine when it's really not, they're the ones in the wrong, not you
People are allowed to be wrong about you
If they are wrong about you, wait for them to bring it up, because if you try to, you will inevitably overcorrect
Some people are committed to misunderstanding you. You will not win arguments against them. Yes, even if you explain your point of view. They do not care. Drop it
The worst thing that will happen from a first-time offense is being told not to do it again. Maybe with a replacement if you broke something
You can improve relationships and gauge willingness to talk to you by giving compliments. It's like a daily log-in bonus and nobody thinks twice about it
Most things are better after you sleep on them
Most things are better after you have a meal
Most things are better after you shower
Your brain makes up consequences that are irrational. If the worst DOES come to pass and someone acts like they do in your head, they are overreacting, and you are entitled to say "what the fuck"
If your chest hurts after you feel like you've made a social error, that's called rejection-sensitive dysphoria. It means your anxiety is so bad that it's causing you physical pain, which is a good indicator that you're overreacting. Tense yourself, hold it for 20 seconds, let it go, then find a distraction
If you're suddenly angry at someone after you feel like you made a social error, that's also rejection-sensitive dysphoria. You are going to feel annoyed about it for awhile, but being genuinely pissed off is your anxiety trying to find something to blame to take the responsibility off your shoulders, and getting scared because it can't justify itself. Deep breaths, ask yourself how much you ACTUALLY want to be angry at that person, then find a distraction
"Sour grapes" is more healthy for you than stewing. Deciding you don't like someone who's perpetually annoyed with you, won't talk to you, etc. makes letting go of anxiety over them easier
If people don't like you, they will find reasons to be annoyed with you when they otherwise wouldn't. If people do like you, they will find reasons NOT to be annoyed with you when they otherwise would. People do not ping-pong between the two
You DO have to make a conscious choice not to think about something. If you're having trouble circling back to it, say out loud that you're done thinking about it and why. Then find a distraction
When you're upset, part of you is going to want to make false bids for attention (suddenly texting differently, heavy sighs, etc. but when someone asks you about it, you tell them it's nothing). Do not listen to it. You gain nothing from it except more misery
People like to help people they care about. It makes them feel good about themselves
If you think you're insufferable for needing help, see above. Yes, really. They get a serotonin kick from it
If you think you're insufferable for mannerisms you have, you either have to consciously choose not to do them, or accept that they're part of the package that comes with you. Being apologetic about existing does nothing except make you more miserable
If you do things you don't like when you feel meh about it, it makes it easier to do them when you hate it
If you avoid things you don't like when you feel meh about it, it reinforces and magnifies how bad it feels when you hate it
Seriously. Read those last two points again. If you can make yourself make a phone call when you've got nothing to lose, you will slowly lose that panic you get when you have to make a phone call you haven't prepared for. You do have to CONSCIOUSLY take that step
Hobbies that make you care for something get rid of that nagging feeling that you're not doing enough. Go grow some rosemary
If you don't engage with your hobbies regularly, you will feel miserable, and anxiety will spike
Hobbies are things that give you a bit of happiness. They do not have to be organized or named to do that. Go be creative in something. Play with coins. Make up lists. Start a new WIP
No one cares what you look like
If people point out things they don't like about how you look unprompted, they are being rude. You are entitled to say "what the fuck"
People who like you will find you pretty to some degree. Minor things about your appearance go completely unnoticed. Literally, scars and dots and blemishes do not register to someone who likes your company
You looking at yourself in the mirror is 10x more closely than anyone is going to look at you
If you're anxious about your body type, and you're creatively inclined, make/write an oc with that same shape. Give them nice things and make other characters love them. Put them on adventures. You'll start to see yourself in the mirror more kindly
You care about wording and perfect lines/colors way more than anyone who views your work ever will
Sometimes when you're upset, you're going to feel like not eating. Do not do that. Not eating makes you more miserable
Same with things you normally enjoy. Denying yourself helps no one. You are punishing yourself for being sad. Stop it
Both of these will take conscious decision to break the habit of. Make yourself do it anyways, and it will slowly get easier
And again, to reiterate: If someone is mad at you, it is THEIR responsibility to tell you, not your responsibility to guess
#anxiety#long post#i have been an adult for the better part of a decade and it has gotten SO much easier as i internalized these#swearing tw
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roommate's partially blind(?) female turtle keeps doing this today to elevate her basking game
#it's possible it's a mating thing but they're both very young and again she's female so. less likely to me than#that she was like 'oh sweet more rock im gonna be so tall' but im also not a turtle expert#note: this turns into a rant about these turtles' conditions like 4 tags in#ive never seen her do this before#also don't blame me for the tub setup roomie straight up Does Not Know what she's doing at all#im trying to nudge her into like. proper care and stuff right. and trying to make sure they don't die#and with some things it's more an issue of being able to get the proper supplies rather than not knowing#but i told her to get a bulb that. yk. actually gives off heat (again) and gave her an approximate wattage yesterday#and i found out today that she was planning on getting a regular light bulb witt that wattage#i had to explain to her that heat bulbs exist and you shouldn't like. pick a bulb not designed for heating To Heat just bc it has the same#wattage. head in my hands i want to keep this lighthearted but it's kind of extremely distressing to me tbqh#did she not research at all before getting them?? she's had them for at least a year how has she not wondered why her turtle's eyes don't#open??? etc???? and she just lets them chill in an open tupperware and though she chastises rascal for swatting at them#she's gone like 18 hours of the day so it's not like she's there to stop him#guhh my point is if she had these time/financial restraints beforehand it was really irresponsible to get all these pets#and then not fucking take care of them!!! if you can't get them incredibly basic necessities then hold off on taking on the responsibility#of another creature's life!!!!!!! thank you!!!!!!!!!!!#ugh i know firsthand how depression can fuck with pet care in some ugly ways but she Keeps getting pets#this was a three time mistake not a one time mistake and she seems so unbotherwd#and she's fine with dealing with the problems she just Does Not Notice Them because (afaict) she's just not paying attention or wondering#but i don't know?!!! i don't know. very conflicted feelings about my roommate to be honest#i was terrified to learn that she would be my roommate and im very Not Cool with the animal neglect thing#nor the fact that she's apparently cheating on her bf (she blames him ofc) but idek what to do or say about that#but she's also very friendly? it's a really weird dynamic. we're on good terms but i wouldn't call her a good person#arghhhh whatever. whatever. i have since moved top turtle (😐) off since i dunno if she could get down on her own#+ i dont want bottom turtle (😐😐) to shake her off. shell or not im not risking it
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Okay. Am I the asshole if I call out my roommate's self-centered behavior? I live in a communal space, where everybody except C shares freely. C got a good job through connections and is able to spend freely on themselves, spending little on household items, groceries, etc. They say they're broke every month, but I've seen their takeout containers and amazon boxes, so maybe it's a spending problem. Worst of all, when we are low on food, C just disappears for a few hours and comes back instead of cooking with everyone.
I've told C that they're being selfish and they should start considering other people, but it goes in one ear and out the other. I offered to help budget but they don't listen! They barely spend more than $400 of their $2000 a month on groceries for the house; the rest goes to their lavish lifestyle while the rest of us suffer. I just want them to pay their fair share. AITA for asking them to be fair??
Including some more specific INFO from version 1 of this post (which wasn't postable due to being about emotions rather than actions):
What are these acronyms?
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#i have so much respect for everyone who is posting so much about palestine rn#when blm started getting more in the mainstream a few years ago i was big about it on social media when i couldnt attend the protests#and it made me a target for everyone in my community#i knew it was coming#but i didnt realize how unprepared i was#now years later i had to move to another country to get away from them#even though they were all i had#and all i still have while also not having#the israwl-palestine stuff is even more polarising for them than blm#it's such a weird thing to grow up in a racist community that actually has a history of oppression in our home country#you'd think that would make them more sympathetic to the palestinian cause or at least the oppression of the global south and poc in genera#but no#they live in this weird world where they're still being oppressed#i once reported them for having huge gatherings without masks without any safety measures during peak covid#all it did was push them more in the opposite direction#my honours thesis was on palestinian activism#i didnt even tell my mom what the actual research was#when i told her it had to do with palestinians she immediately gave me a speech about how im on the wrong side of history etc etc#and now seeing it all over social media even more often than before#im happy to see it#but#i wish i could join#without becoming a target again#i already lost everything but i know i could lose it again#but is it that important?#it's my only connection to my heritage#esp now that i moved there are no ppl from my country here#i cant talk to anyone#i can barely speak the local language here#they've sent someone to 'watch me' to make sure i am not doing stuff they dont like under the guise of 'helping me'
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Tips and ideas for how to respond when someone is being rude to you
For personal reasons I won't get into, I have a history of just freezing when some is rude / hostile / aggressive / condescending / patronizing / etc. It's obviously not something I'm happy about at all, most people who freeze or fawn aren't happy about it and would change it if they could.
One day I confided in my co-worker, a middle aged woman in her 50's, that this is something I struggle with. Considering how confident and assertive she always struck me as, I was shocked when she told me this is also something she's struggled with.
The advice she gave me is to just memorize and practice a few broad statements or reactions that you can pull out of your pocket so to speak when someone is being rude or disrespectful to you. It's not easy if you're someone who's been conditioned to freeze or fawn, but practice helps. Practice saying these things when you're alone. Put up a sticky note next to your bed or on your bathroom mirror with these phrases and practice them when you see them. Practice saying these with a partner or trusted friend, role-play scenarios where you might need to use these phrases.
Here's a few phrases that have worked for me. The nice thing about them is that they tend to shut down the situation rather than escalating, while still letting the aggressor know that you don't find their behavior acceptable.
"Are you okay?"
This works well in professional settings, because it's not like your work place's residential bully can run to HR about you asking if they're okay (but they might if you try to retaliate and give them a taste of their own medicine). However, it still effectively sends the message "I think there's something wrong with your behavior and don't accept it". It's also not likely the response they're expecting, so it'll likely throw them off and prevent further verbal aggression.
"Could you repeat that for me? I didn't catch what you said."
This one is most effective for people you believe to actually have a conscious and might regret what they said if they actually thought about it a little more. I find that often when I do this one, when people repeat the rude/snippy/patronizing/etc thing they either shamefully stumble over their words and show some remorse, or they change altogether what they say. In the off chance they don't regret what they said and end up repeating exactly what they said, this at least buys you some time to think of a better reaction since you're no longer caught off guard by a sudden rude and snippy remark.
"Can you explain what you mean by that?"
Similar logic to the last one. Often when people are being rude/snippy/patronizing/etc they're caught up in their own emotions in that moment and didn't think it through. This is a polite and civil way of putting their rude behavior in the spotlight and making them reconsider what they said. The other advantage to this one is that in case you did misread their intentions and they meant no harm by what they said or did, this gives them an opportunity to clarify that, instead of you just feeling bad over a statement or actions they actually had no ill intentions with.
If anyone has any further examples of reactions / responses / statements that have worked for them, I'd love to hear about them. I'm new to studying the art of how to civilly yet effectively shut down bad behavior from others, so I'm always open to hearing more suggestions.
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NME in Conversation with RADWIMPS
#radwimps#nme#interview#music#音楽#weird rock lovers :')#ok but big emphasis on what he said about not being able to define them in one word#in fact a fan in the recent altpress article mentioned it too as one of the reasons she fell in love with their music#they have such a wide range & expansive discography#when i was sitting in line before the radwimps concert someone approached me & asked about them#what kind of music do they make etc#and i had to pause for a sec bc i was like 'well they're a japanese rock band... but they do a bit of everything!'#and as he began listing off genres i went 'yep! uh-huh! they do that too!'#like !!!!#they are always pushing limits & trying new things#collaborating with other artists (even though it's rare in japan apparently!)#i know they've answered the question about how they found toaka several times#but the way she was chosen simply for the passion & soul in her voice#(when i told my mom about it & how it jump started toaka's career she literally got sniffly/teary-eyed & honestly same)#also that comment by shinkai-san about 'two wheels of the same bicycle' 😭#the exchange of ideas & constant adjustments in both music/animation is so interesting to hear about#also! on the subject of collaborations#possibly with foreign artists??#whomst might they be i wonder 👀#OH AND !!!!#大団円 finally out 7/4 !!!!!! 🙌#i'm so excited !!!!!!!!!#the cover art looks sick as does the visual they released on youtube#i'm so happy they're able to tour at long last & hope they're having a great time on the blt#the flags at each show have been so cute 🥹
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