#what really happened to valdo? no one knows

[patroclusdefencesquad]

next time jaskier and valdo marx meet i want to see jaskier smugly telling valdo how "MY sorceress wouldn't have left me alone during a violent coup. in fact, MY sorceress calls me her damsel in distress and ALWAYS saves me. but that's because MY sorceress (yennefer of vengerberg by the way) is sooo much more powerful than yours. and sexier by the way"

[ammarettu]

please pleaseeeeee please please please give us a part 3 to true hate's kiss i NEED a resolution im obsessed 🙏

Your wish is my command.

Parts 1 and 2

Part 3 under the break

He dithers at the edge of the stage for just a moment, hesitates, until Valdo forcefully shoves him back into the crowd.

He doesn't want to think about what will happen now, his hands have a tremble to them that make him almost wonder if he could claim to be ill again just to keep him. He wonders if Geralt will notice if he just... follows him out of the party and into his camp and just... stays there.

He groans, of course Geralt would notice. He's already annoyed the poor man enough. Fuck. What does he even say now? Should he say anything? Should he just leave and save Geralt the trouble?

He nabs a cup of wine from an unsuspecting bystander who huffs at him in disapproval. He tosses it back in one fluid motion, then glances over to where Geralt was only to find the Witcher absent from the space.

Jaskier's heart somehow plummets and rises into his throat all at once, his pulse throbs in his fingers. Of course Geralt would leave the moment the curse was broken. Why the fuck would he stick around? Jaskier's already been enough of a burden on him, even before this whole fiasco, he couldn't have honestly expected, or even hoped, for Geralt to stick around.

He asks someone if they saw where the Witcher went, alright he asks several people, but none saw him leave. He slipped out silently, or whatever. Likely to avoid Jaskier trying to trail after him like he always used to.

Jaskier takes a breath, closes his eyes in an attempt to calm himself and force the tears back - it doesn't work. He gets drunk instead.

-

Geralt flees, you know, like a coward.

He can't describe the rush of feeling that floods through him when he hears Jaskier's voice again for the first time in... too long. He'd gotten so used to having that voice at his side, encouraging him, complimenting him, and just generally being a light that was far too bright for this world. For Geralt's world, dark and dripping with blood and hatred.

And hearing him speak again wrenches at something in his chest that he doesn't want to dwell on. Something raw and painful. He thought when he heard that voice again he could have atoned for all the cruel shit he'd spewed, merciless and without truth.

He can't bear to stick around and hear that voice turn on him the same way he'd done to Jaskier. Can't bear to hear the words of hatred he's so used to hearing from every other human pour like vitriol from such sweet lips-

Can't bear the rejection.

It's pathetic, after all he's put the bard through, all he's said, how he's certain his own words felt to Jaskier, who feels everything so deeply. But he is pathetic, and a coward, so he runs.

He finds himself down one of the estate's many long halls, golden filigree doors lining the walls. He'd intended to go outside, kind of. He hadn't really been paying attention, more concerned with simply moving away, but he'd hoped he might just end up outdoors.

Still, it's better than nothing. He pushes open a door, finding a large bedroom on the other side, and closes it behind him.

He sighs and flops onto a red velvet armchair, burying his head in his hands.

It's been a long day. A long week. It's been strange, as nice as it was having Jaskier back at his side the lack of noise usually associated with the bard still being absent was off-putting and wrong.

He takes a minute to recenter himself. To get used to being alone again. He curls into himself, resting his head on his forearms, on his knees, and firmly does not cry. He doesn't.

He also doesn't lose track of time, nor is he startled when there is a noise in the hall, giggling and shuffling footsteps - a thump, someone is pushed against the door to the room in which Geralt has taken residence. He stumbles to his feet, hears a moan past the door and moves to the window to calmbor out (the sun has set now, several hours have passed since he entered) - his medallion shudders in it's place against his chest. A warning. He pauses, he hasn't a choice, whatever is waiting outside the doors is a monster of some kind about to feast. A bruxa, knowing their affinity for alcohol infused blood.

"I wasn't expecting to find you here tonight," a female voice mutters, "Imagine my delight and surprise."

"Mm, I'm about to delight you even more."

Geralt almost fucking trips over his own feet as he glides across the room towards the door. The second voice is Jaskier's. As badly as he wants to turn on his heel and leave, his cowardice returning with a burning vengeance, he can't. Not if-

"And what of your Witcher? Will he not be joining us?"

Jaskier huffs a little laugh, "Geralt isn't my anything," Geralt winces at the coldness in his tone, "Anyways, he left."

"He'd just leave you here alone?" He hears Jaskier take a shuddering breath, hears the unbuttoning of his doublet.

"Course he would," Jaskier mutters, "He hates me."

Geralt blinks. That- Jaskier can't possibly think- but then again Geralt has always been rather cruel. It makes sense, he supposes, that he'd think Geralt hates him, especially after the mountain. But he was certain that the hatred was more than a little directed back at him.

"And yet you love him still?" The woman taunts, "How admirable."

Geralt wants to laugh at the absurdity. Jaskier doesn't love him, he hates him. He made that clear when he came to him to break a curse that could only be broken by kissing someone he hated. He waits for the refusal, but it never comes. Instead, Jaskier mutters, "Aren't you supposed to be distracting me? Making me forget?"

He can hear the grin when the woman, the Bruxa, replies, "Oh, darling, soon you won't remember a thing."

"What the fuck-" Jaskier gasps as the door handle moves, he's shoved inside, the Bruxa stepping in after him all feral eyes, fanged teeth and clawed hands. The door opens inwards, blocking line of sight between the newest occupants and the Witcher pressing himself to the wall as the vampire lurches towards Jaskier. The door slams shut, and in less than a second Geralt has his silver drawn and cleanly through the Bruxa's neck. One motion. One swipe. She never even saw him. Neither did Jaskier, until the head is already rolling, and he's taking a breath in to scream.

Geralt is there in a flash, leather-gloved hand pressed firmly over the bard's lips, "It's me, Jaskier."

He's trembling, breath coming in short little puffs that make Geralt kind of worried he might pass out, but he moves carefully back away and says, "Geralt. You're still here."

His eyes are misty with tears and drink and Geralt finds himself sighing, fond.

"I'm here. We should go."

"You- we?"

"You want to stay in the room with a bloody corpse?"

"Well... no, but we should at least take her jewelry, don't you think? Those sapphires, Geralt! A travesty to leave them on the floor."

He rolls his eyes but allows it, if Jaskier wants some jewelry he's earned it. Plus it's kind of nice to see a little glimpse of the same hedonistic bard he's missed.

The sneak out of the manor, and into the stables to gather Roach. It's just easier. Sure the woman was a Bruxa, but she was still high society, and all the red tape and questions... Geralt shudders just thinking about it.

They end up in the forest under the stars just like they used to sleep, with Jaskier chattering away and a canopy of leaves swaying with the breeze.

Geralt will ask Jaskier tomorrow what the Bruxa meant about him loving him.

-

He doesn't ask. He can't make the words force themselves from his throat. Instead, he wakes early and makes them both breakfast like he used to, wakes Jaskier with gentle shakes and a cup of warm willow bark tea sweetened with just a bit of honey.

"Where are you off to now?" Jaskier asks him as they pack up, soft as a whisper.

Geralt pauses, glances to Jaskier, and takes a chance, "Always drowners along the coast," he says. Hears Jaskier swallow in response.

"Yeah?"

"Mm... Hear Kerack is pretty this time of year." A sharp intake of breath, Jaskier's heart beats so hard Geralt is pretty sure he could hear it even without his Witcher senses.

"Is that so?"

Geralt resumes what he was doing, tacking up Roach, pretends to be nonchalant, "The taverns there could probably use a bard," he says.

"Are you sure?" Jaskier's voice is shaking and Geralt hates how uncertain he sounds. How hopeful.

"Jaskier."

"Yes?"

Geralt turns, tilts his head to the side a bit, "Come to the coast with me."

A sheen forms on those gorgeous blue eyes, brought to life even more by the glittering sapphires he now wears on his ears and around his neck.

"Yes," he breathes, and Geralt smiles his response, holds out his hand, and hoists his bard up onto his horse.

[ctimenefic]

Just another anon popping in to say that gr63 gets rule 63’d AU is a borderline religious revelation to me 😵‍💫😳 ur a genius

This snippet does not have George in it, blessed anon, but it does, crucially, have tiny baby Lance Stroll

“You should hear what the British guys have to say about her,” Kieran Rivers is saying, as Alex makes his way back to the group from the hotel bar. There’s about a dozen of them, sprawled around four tables they dragged together, blithely ignoring the glares from the barstaff. It’s not like it’s a nice hotel, and they’re all guests, and some of them just won the Eurocup Formula 2.0 championship, actually, so who gives a shit if they’re loud and young. At least they’re drinking. 

And talking about George, of course. She’s yet to join them - thanks to his sisters, Alex has better insights than most into the dark rituals of girls getting ready, and he reckons it’ll be another half hour - but it’s pretty obvious why she’d be the subject of conversation. 

Winning as a wildcard. It’s mad. It’s brilliant. He’s so fucking proud. 

“The F4?” he asks, sliding back into his seat. “She’s smashing it.”

Three of the boys at the far end of the table snort. Boys- men, technically. Most of them. There’s a couple of prodigies, like George, racing as well as any of them at sixteen. Alex doesn’t feel grown up. Ordering a beer without worrying someone will spot the dodgy photoshop on his licence still feels novel. 

Jez Valdo grins too widely for a guy who binned it into the wall at what is technically his home race. “Smashing is one way of putting it.”

“More like they’re the ones smashing it,” Rivers chimes in, and Alex frowns. It’ll be close, sure, but if George drives as well as she did today, the championship’s in the bag. Rivers starts counting off names on his fingers: Braithwaite, Carter, Jones, and that doesn’t make any sense, because they’re nowhere near the top of the standings-

“It’s like they’ve worked out a system to stop her getting clingy, it’s genius. Wish I’d known after Moscow, I’d’ve lined one of you guys up to take her off my hands when she got all mopey.” 

The group around Rivers laughs again. Something cold steals up Alex’s spine. Moscow hadn’t been great for George. He’d got third on the Sunday but still had to coax her out, and she’d vanished off back to the hotel after only an hour or so.

He places the image of George on the plane home, swamped in her giant Lewis Hamilton hoodie, next to Rivers’ face now, his lips pulled back in a smirk that shows his incisors. “No, really, she’s kinda tame but, you know, easy for it.”

“Eh,” Jez Valdo is saying, and it’s like slow motion, the way Alex can see it coming, a shit comment as obvious as debris on the track, “she’s not hot enough to take your sloppy seconds.”

Alex’s end of the table is silent. When he looks up, Lance Stroll is staring him dead in the eye. Alex isn’t even sure why Lance is here - he’s not raced in Eurocup, he’s doing F4 in Italy this year. But his dad owns half the boys at the table, so Stroll Jr must go where he wants. 

It doesn’t matter - the point is, Alex meets his eyes, huddled under stormcloud brows, and has a single moment of pure, instinctive connection. He and Lance Stroll are as one for this bright, shining moment of their shared existence. It’ll never happen again; it’s a miracle it happens once. But as Alex’s grip on his pint turns white-knuckled, and he slides his glass to soak Valdo’s fucking stupid face, Lance knocks his wrist casually against River’s stein and sends it over the pair of them. 

“Oh,” Lance says, flatly. “My bad.”

[27dragons]

New Year Countdown: Dec 8

Today's story is Geraskifer (Geralt/Jaskier/Yennefer)!

Dec 8 - Geraskifer - Fake Relationship - Fireplace

All three of them were deep in their cups -- there wasn’t much else to do while they waited for the spring thaw to open the mountain pass. They were playing Gwent, the loser ceding their chair to the spectator after each round; the playing table had been set up in front of the fire, where the light was best, and the players’ chairs were the warmest seats in the house. It was a good system - there was incentive to win, to remain by the fire, but even the loser only had to wait one game to reclaim one of the good spots.

It was something to do, at any rate, which made it better than doing nothing, though only by the slimmest of margins. After more than a month in this place, they’d all learned each other’s tells, sober or drunk, and it was starting to get more than a bit tedious. But drinking and playing Gwent was better than listening to the wind howl and worrying about Ciri.

Jaskier could think of better -- and warmer -- activities with which to pass the time, but, decades of pining aside, he was pretty sure that wasn’t going to happen. His only consolation was that he was reasonably certain that Geralt wasn’t fucking Yennefer, either. Not unless they were doing it in utter silence, and “quiet” had not been a word he’d have used to describe Geralt and Yennefer’s relationship at any time in the past.

Geralt grunted irritably and threw down the rest of his cards. “I’m going to check Roach.” He stalked out of the little cabin and out into the storm without even pausing to put on a scarf.

“He seems tense,” Jaskier observed, taking Geralt’s chair and raking the cards toward himself.

“He needs to get laid,” said Yennefer.

Jaskier made a face as he started shuffling. “I’m not stopping him.”

Yennefer hummed, collecting her cards as he dealt them. “He wants both of us.”

“The fuck he does.”

“No, really,” she said. “I’ve seen him watching you.”

“I know you’re lying to me,” Jaskier said, narrowing his eyes at her over his cards. “I just can’t figure out what your angle is.”

“My angle,” Yennefer said, “is that I think we’d all be a bit more comfortable if we were sharing the bed instead of sleeping on the floor.”

“So what’s the problem?”

“He thinks we hate each other.”

Jaskier paused in the middle of laying down a card. “Because... we do.” Jaskier didn’t, actually, hate her. Not anymore. But he’d kiss Valdo Marx on the mouth before he admitted it out loud. “We very much do hate each other, Yennefer.”

“Mm.” Her fey violet eyes snared his gaze. “And what’s that got to do with fucking?”

Jaskier opened his mouth, then closed it again. She had a point. “So what do we do?”

“He’s a man,” Yennefer said. “Men are oblivious.” She gave him a stern look to keep him from protesting. He hadn’t been planning on it. “So when he comes back, we should be kissing.”

Jaskier blinked. “Kissing?”

“Yes.” She stood up and started unlacing her shirt. “Or something similar. It’s best to be direct.”

“Just like that, he’s going to believe we’ve stopped hating each other and now want to fuck?”

“Yes.”

“...All right.” Jaskier got up and started in on his pants. “And then what?” he wondered. “Just say, ‘why don’t you join us to make sure things stay civil?’”

“Not bad,” Yennefer said, grudgingly impressed. “That might even work.” She grabbed his shirt and pulled him up against her. “He’s coming,” she whispered, closing her teeth on his earlobe just a touch past the point of pain. “Act like you want this.”

[endiness]

If anyone is interested, here are all of the spoilers and rumors so far about Radovid and Jaskier x Radovid and just everything relating to that. And also book!Radovid.

"Royal playboy and younger brother to King Vizimir, Radovid finds himself suddenly a man on the inside of the Redanian Intelligence. With his good looks and drunken charm, Radovid amazes with how incisive he can be in political affairs, but it’s all games until someone gets hurt."

Source: https://twitter.com/witchernetflix/status/1514605669667663872

~

Source: https://twitter.com/RedanianIntel/status/1669074435586834433

~

Episode 1: “Shaerrawedd” Meanwhile at the Redanian court, our bard Jaskier is involved in political plots and schemes, which leads him to his fateful meeting with Prince Radovid of Redania.

Episode 2: “Unbound” Back at the Redanian court, there’s still plotting, scheming and the development of Jaskier’s romance with Prince Radovid. The bard even sings a song to the prince.

Source: https://redanianintelligence.com/2023/06/15/spoilers-the-witcher-season-3-vol-1-episode-guide/

~

Transcript of Radovid's audition scene with Jaskier:

Jaskier: It’s been years since I’ve seen the princess. Also, ……. If I could help… Radovid: It’s nice, but nothing like you chose. What I wouldn’t give to hear you play halfway as … on that one. Jaskier: Oh, a fan? And someone who understands true artistry? How the instrument and the artist can elevate each other. Radovid: Yes, two things of beauty, made to be together. Jaskier: Precisely! Radovid: So here’s a thought: this poor princess has enemies everywhere and truth be told our kingdom’s not a bad place. It’s cold in winter and humid in summer. The cuisine, however, spectacular. And my brother’s not bad as far as my likes are concerned. Redania may not be perfect, but it’s her least bad option. And if you came to Redania, you could be our royal troubadour. Otherwise we might have to listen to that reedy voice of Valdo Marx. Just think about it, would you? Jaskier: I would. Radovid: We should be going. [Suggestive] Unless you’d like to show me how you play your instrument.

* Note: I've changed the names to reflect the proper characters/locations.

Source: https://redanianintelligence.com/2021/12/02/the-witcher-season-3-audition-tape-suggests-more-political-intrigue-involving-jaskier/

~

We know that this [audition] scene or a very close version of it made it into the show and that there are more moments of flirtation and chemistry between Radovid and Jaskier later on. The two men develop a romantic relationship over the course of the season. And later, Jaskier and Radovid finally kiss.

Source: https://redanianintelligence.com/2023/05/24/yes-what-many-thought-about-the-witcher-jaskier-is-true/

~

“Jaskier falls in love,” Schmidt Hissrich reveals. “And it’s with a character who fans will know [and] continues showing up in the books. So what happens this season between them will have ripple effects for a very long time.”

Batey relished digging into Jaskier’s new love story. “He’s having his hot girl summer,” Batey jokes. “It’s been really rewarding to see [his love life] told in a very visual way. [We] ensured that these romances are told truthfully — and sensitively and carefully, without resorting to stereotypes… Hopefully we’ve created something that is special, a sapioromantic and sapiosexual [connection] that is as flawed as any other relationship in this show.”

One other element in Jaskier’s life may just complicate his newfound love. As he’s “falling into an uncle role” for Ciri alongside parental figures Geralt and Yennefer, Jaskier is also pulled into the political machinations of the Continent.  

“He’s certainly a man of many trades, but I’m not sure he’s inherently built to be a spy,” Batey says. “Yet he’s found himself in a time of war, in turmoil, and is trying to do his best to do something good.”

Source: https://www.netflix.com/tudum/articles/witcher-season-3-henry-cavill-interview

~

Joey Batey finally verified that his poet will indeed end up in a romantic entanglement with the new character. "Showrunner Lauren Schmidt Hissrich came to me long before we even saw some scripts and said, 'This is the direction we'd like to take Jaskier,'" Batey told SFX, calling the romance subplot "a more modern interpretation of the books." In a previous interview with Netflix's Tudum, Batey declared season 3 Jaskier's "hot girl summer," calling the romance "sapioromantic" (a term that refers to falling for someone's intellect regardless of gender) without actually citing the love interest character by name.

Speaking to SFX, Batey explained that he doesn't "think Jaskier really sees gender," but also implied that meeting Radovid throws the character for a loop from their very first encounter. "We see Radovid arriving," Batey said, and, "for the first time in a while, Jaskier can't work him out. That to him is the most intriguing prospect." He describes a moment of recognition between the pair: "You wear just as much of a mask as I do. I want to see who is going to lower their mask first."

Hissrich also spoke with the outlet, and explained that Jaskier's relationship with Radovid will be completely different than his connection with a character video game players will know, Vespula. "When we started in the writers' room this season, we had a question about Jaskier that was really fun to explore: Who is Jaskier when he is on his own, away from Geralt, Yen and Ciri?" Hissrich asked. "What that brought us to is Jaskier's first really serious relationship."

Hissrich continued: "We introduced a character from the books, Vespula — Jaskier's on-again-off-again lover, but then we used that dynamic to provide a contrast to what happens when Jaskier actually starts to have deeper feelings toward someone." That someone seems poised to be Radovid.

"My priority was ensuring it was done in a sensitive, caring way that avoided all kinds of stereotypes," he told SFX. "I was heavily involved in some of the script revisions in order to ensure a very safe, sexual, romantic connection with this person."

Source: https://www.slashfilm.com/1309204/the-witcher-joey-batey-confirms-jaskiers-romance-season-3/

~

Jaskier will be singing tunes here and there throughout the season. One of his sad love songs he will be singing to none other than his new love interest, Prince Radovid of Redania.

Source: https://redanianintelligence.com/2023/06/12/jaskier-song-lover-radovid-and-other-tunes-in-the-witcher-season-3/

~

Mentions of Radovid in the books:

Prince Radovid was a minor, Queen Hedwig had been devastated by the tragic death of her husband - the aristocracy, terrified, had become stupid, and was disunited and divided into factions.

— Baptism of Fire

“I know [Calante] had wedding plans for Ciri, to join her with young Tancred Thyssen of Kovir or perhaps to the Redanian prince, Radovid, I don’t know exactly.”

— The Tower of Swallows

'Long live His Holiness!' A few voices came from the crowd, obviously bribes. Novigrad's hierarch Cyrus Englekind Hemmelfart rose and blessed the people and the army with his outstretched hands, while irreverently covering Queen Hedwig and young Radovid with the skirts of his robe.

Nobody shouts, "Long live Radovid", thought the prince covered by the hierarch's fat ass. No one even looks at me. No one is screaming in honour of my mother. No one remembers my poor father. Even today, at a day of triumph, which he so richly deserved. After all, that's why he was murdered.

He felt a gaze on his neck. Delicate like someone he did not know - or knew, but only in his dreams. Something that was soft like a brush of a woman's warm lips. He turned his head. He discovered the dark unfathomable eyes of Philippa Eilhart fixed on him.

Wait, thought the prince, looking away. Just wait.

No one could predict or guess then that this boy of thirteen years, which at that time was a person without any relevance in a country ruled by the Regency Council and by Dijkstra, would become king. A king who, after he paid all the insults that had been given to his mother and him, would go down in history with the name Radovid the Stern.

— Lady of the Lake

[fandom-junk-drawer]

The Witcher Headcanon (Modern AU) - Upset - Part 1

(Whump fic disguised as a headcanon)

Jaskier was typically outgoing, charming, and had an amazing sense of humor. He was good-natured and wasn't one to get upset easily. Except when it came to Valdo Marx. That a**hole was a completely different story!

But Jaskier did get angry, or sad, or got his feelings hurt, like any normal person. And while he did get upset, he was also quick to forgive his friends. He may not forgive himself as quickly or easily, but would always forgive the people closest to his heart.

He had even forgiven Geralt for abandoning him on the mountain, but Geralt wasn't so sure Jaskier was going to forgive him for this...

Geralt and Jaskier had just pulled into the driveway when Jaskier had been called away for band business. He'd jumped out of Van Roach, broken the world's speed record for showering, thrown on clean clothes, and headed over to their little studio.

Geralt had been left to unpack everything from their recent roadtrip: two weeks on the Path, hunting monsters in Temeria. He was tired, but he had to get the van cleaned out and restocked for the next trip. He gave it a good vacuuming, took out all the empty food containers and packaging, and tossed all the empty cans and bottles.

He shampooed the carpet and seat where Jaskier had spilled his drink after Geralt hit the brakes quite suddenly, on purpose, after Jaskier kept forgetting to put his seatbelt on, and wouldn't stop putting his feet up on the dashboard. Jaskier had folded in half with a surprised shriek, and Geralt had to stop to pull his a** out of the footwell.

Geralt restocked the medical supply cabinet, then bundled all the bedding up and shoved it into the washing machine. Was it overloaded? Most likely. Was Yen going to be mad? Not if she didn't find out. Geralt left the machine to do its job and f**ked off to go do something else until it was time to dry everything.

After half an hour of sitting in front of the tv, he heard the washing machine stop, so he peeled himself off the couch and went to shove everything in the dryer. He was pulling the blankets and sheets out when he saw it...

Geralt experienced a mental pause while his brain devoted most of its function into verifying that what his eyes were seeing was really true.

Then came the wave of panic as he carefully pulled the blanket out of the washer. Ohsh*tohsh*t! It had gotten mixed in with the other bedding, and he hadn't noticed! Sh*t! Oh gods! Were the tattered spot worse, or had they always looked like that? Ohhhhhhhhhh.....

Yennefer was out in her herb garden when she heard Geralt swear loudly and emphatically, "FFFFAAAAAAAHHHHKKKKKHHHH!!!!". She ran inside immediately, and heard him swear again in the laundry room.

She flung door open, voice raised in righteous fury, "You better not have overloaded the washing manchine again, Geralt!", and froze on the spot when she saw Geralt standing there, holding a blanket.

Yennefer gasped, experiencing the same panic as Geralt when she recognized the familiar, but now much cleaner looking ratty blanket. That wasn't just any blanket. It was Jaskier's blankie. And Geralt had just washed it! Their eyes locked, and a single thought passed between them,

oH sH*T!

They both knew the significance of what had just happened. They were f**ked. There was no way to fix this. Geralt's brain made a valiant effort though, and coughed up an absurd, but simple solution.

"Yen, quick, magic it back to the way it was!"

"What?!"

"Just...I don't know, put the...the 'yuck' back on it!"

"You want me to just magic decades of drool, dirt, sweat, and gods know what else back on to it? What the f**k, Geralt?"

"Ok, ok, then at least put the stink back on it so it will smell like it did before I accidentally washed it!"

"I can't, you nimrod! I don't know what it smells like!"

Geralt gave the blanket an experimental sniff. That one corner still smelled funky to him. Maybe it was going to be okay.

Yennefer burst his bubble. "He's not a Witcher! He doesn't have your sense of smell!" She took a sniff herself. All she could smell was lavender and linen. "And I don't either!"

"D*mn, it's a little...uh...ragged too!" Yennefer groaned, looking at the bits where some of the old, slapped on patches had frayed and pulled away from the other bits of fabric. There were stringy bits, and small areas where the old batting was showing through.

Geralt felt his heart sink with dread. The blankie was mostly in one piece, just a little 'battle worn', but it was still obviously damaged and would need repair.

Oh, f**k, we're...f**ked!"

They were very much f**ked because that was when Jaskier walked in. He knew something was wrong. He could sense dread and urgency through Yennefer's mental link as soon as he walked into the house.

Jaskier opened the laundry room door and froze. He saw Geralt holding his blankie. Saw the open door of the washing machine. Saw the ragged look of his blankie. Smelled laundry soap. And put one and one together.

"You...you...washed it..." he said, his voice small and flat. Geralt and Yennefer both flinched. Jaskier slowly reached out and took the damp blanket from Geralt's hands. He started trembling then, and Geralt could smell the distress coming off him. It was making him sick to his stomach.

Jaskier ran his hand over one frayed patch where the stitching had given way, his thougths racing as he tried to both process what had happened, and simultaneously come up with a way to fix it.

"Jask, I-!" Geralt began to try to explain, reaching over to lay a comforting hand on Jaskier's shoulder.

Jaskier jerked away from him, "No!" he barked, his voice rough and tight. He was shaking now.

"No..." he whimpered, his voice sounding small and broken. Yennefer gasped when, out of pure distress, he started banging his fist on his head and repeating "No" over and over.

Geralt grabbed his wrist, "Hey! Stop it!"

Jaskier twisted and jerked, then tensed up as he felt a familiar pain flare in his chest. "F**k you!" he cried, suddenly angry. "F**k you, Geralt! F**k you!"

"Geralt, his chest-!" Yennefer said quickly, feeling the pain through their link.

Geralt immediately released his grip.

Jaskier stumbled as Geralt let go. He took a step back and bumped up against the counter, sliding down to sit on the floor. He felt light-headed.

"Breathe, Jaskier..." Yennefer said, her voice full of concern. She crouched beside him and lightly slapped at his cheek until he blinked and took a breath.

Yennefer tried to press her hand to his chest, to feel if those ribs had separated from his sternum again, but he turned away from her slightly.

"Let me see, Nightengale. Please?" She asked quietly.

Jaskier shook his head and hugged his damp blanket to his chest, sniffling and trying to get a hold of himself. "Get out." he said quietly after a minute.

"Jaskier," Yennefer said gently, pulling on his hand when he started fisting his hair. "Let's get your blankie in the dryer, okay?"

He didn't look at her, just stared at the floor numbly, holding his wet blanket, eyes glistening with tears.

"Jask?" Geralt rumbled softly.

"Just f**k off, both of you. Please."

Geralt looked at Yennefer, who nodded. They quietly left the room...

[shininginyourlight]

continued from | x

He had. Jaskier really had been just... awful. While Valdo had never been free from blemish himself, he'd never done the sort of things Jaskier has done out of spite. At this point in their lives, he didn't even really remember why most of the instances happened, but they'd happened. And he knew that hurtful words stuck well for both of them.

The apologies were appreciated, somewhat. It was a bit too little, too late. While it never came true, it still made him wonder somewhat. What would've come to be if that wish had come true? How would his family have reacted? How would their mutual friends have reacted? How long would it have stuck with Jaskier if it had really happened? Valdo wasn't sure, but he knew it wasn't healthy to be thinking so hard on something that never happened.

But it almost had.

Jaskier had nearly killed him.

And yet Valdo was still here. Perhaps he was even more foolish than Jaskier. He'd hated that witcher for all he put him through, only to know so well that Jaskier had done worse to himself. Gods, what a thought.

Valdo was still silent as he listened, trying to let his mind mull over those previous thoughts that had plagued him for so long now. They didn't matter right now. Julian needed him.

He would nod his head carefully in response. Pulling away from the hands that cradled his face, he instead let one of his hands take hold of one of Jaskier's.

"I don't know if you have a room yet, but I do. We could go to either one. I don't mind," Valdo would carefully, quietly assure.

@viscountbard

[magic-multicolored-miracle]

The Witcher S3 Ep5: The Art of the Illusion AKA The Song Gets Catchier on Each Loop

There was a lot going on this episode. And I really like the technique of telling it in bits and repeating the events with a different focus each time. I think it was great narratively and let a lot of scheming and learning things happen without being straight info-dump. Keeps everyone on their toes.

Commenting on the music, which was almost definitely intentionally (given the appropriateness of the lyrics) kept in focus each time, feels like the only non-spoiler-y thing I can do.

Hello 👀 Geralt looks good in this formal wear, and bedroom eyes. And Yen is of course gorgeous as always

Yen's eye/contact weirdness seems to only be for this event, so I'm going to tell myself it was on purpose

Radcliffe the Obnoxious is my new favorite character

I don't think Riende was that disasterous. The manor falling down wasn't his fault

Fuck you Sabrina (but Yen she's no more "ludicriously" dressed than you are...)

Oh no. I like this song...I can't betray Jaskier by liking Valdo Marx's song! It is a bit "Valdo tried to copy Her Sweet Kiss" though

What is on your head Philippa?

I love that they're having sex and debriefing at the same time

Istredd is not allowed to be that hot

Also Geralt you're really bad at this political game

Is that...a magical barrier to force everyone on the dancefloor? Seems...excessive

Ok, Triss is Unrecognizable. I don't like it

The fuck? This has to be fake, right? Staged so no one thinks they're working together?

That wasn't quite an "I do trust you" and it concerns me

I really like Tissaia's dress. It reminds me of a peacock feather

That's not laying low to gather evidence for later Geralt. Maybe don't threaten the man right now

Triss...I'm disappointed in you. I know you fear what happened at Kaer Mohren but that is not a solution

Wait is he planning a frame job, or saying he's that important?

Because he's Racist. Get fucked Stregobitch.

That can't be a coincidence that that fell off now...and Geralt looks like he's suspicious of it too

Artorious. Don't crumble now...

Aww happy looks good on them

I almost want to trust Philippa. I don't know if that's a wrong choice though

I'm concerned about the weird portal looking ring over the castle. I think it's much less For Effect than it seemed at first

Ciri's only safe until dawn...it's nearly dawn now...

I mean, Stregobitch was also doing terrible things.

But damn, I did not expect the reveal that Vilgefortz is a villain to come for a while yet.

Distant sreams aren't good...

Fuck, Dijkstra

[rauchendesgnu]

Ok but consider this modern AU:

Jaskier wakes up one morning at a place he doesn‘t recognize without any recollection of how he came to be there. He‘s a little freaked out but maybe everything‘s fine, his cousin Ferrant is known to sleepwalk, so if he locks the front door and hides the key he should be fine. He goes about his day and then evening, and the next morning he‘s in his bed and his door is locked and everything is fine. It goes fine for a week.

Jaskier comes to his senses in the restrooms of a gas station with a fucking hole in his stomach and his body black and blue. He‘s kind of freaking out and blacks out again. The next time he wakes up, he‘s back in his room and his wounds are bandaged. There‘s seven missed calls on an unfamiliar phone on his night table which is ringing, waking him.

„You should take that call,“ a person sitting in a chair in the corner of a room.

The person on the other end calls him a Geralt, whatever the hell that is. Jaskier stammers something about the wrong number and hangs up. The person in the corner is gone.

He‘s got an awful couple of days, keeps falling asleep at work because he‘s afraid of going to bed at night. Essi and Valdo are worried (it‘s really bad when you know that Valdo is worried) but Jaskier doesn‘t know how to explain what‘s been happening to him without sounding like he‘s nuts..

And then he wakes up standing in a dark alley, covered in blood, dead bodies around him. And there‘s a voice in his head going Move. Now.

So Jaskier discovers that there‘s a ghost living in his head, taking over his body sometimes. He doesn‘t want to give up his body even though Geralt (that‘s the ghost‘s name) insists because what the fuck is this Geralt even doing when Jaskier is forced into a tiny little corner of his own mind?

So they bicker and they fight and Jaskier explains the underground and cars and electricity to Geralt and Geralt comments and complains about everything Jaskier does. Sometimes Geralt will try to get Jaskier to submit his body to him and then Jaskier will not speak with him for a day and Geralt will apologize and they move on. Jaskier tries not to sound like a lunatic when he‘s talking to the voice only he can hear (he almost loses it when Geralt looks at Valdo and calls him a witless, croaking, peacocking bastard).

And then Geralt gets the hang of television and starts watching the news. He calls it checking the notice board whatever that means and then he‘s trying to possess Jaskier‘s body again. And Jaskier fucking lets him when he explains what he‘s been doing (turns out Geralt is not the ghost of a serial killer, he‘s hunting monsters. Actual fucking monsters) under one condition.

„You‘re not going to put me where I‘ve been the other times. I‘m going to observe.“

No way.

„My body, my rules.“

Jaskier, I‘m trying to protect you.

„Take it or leave it, I don‘t care. If you want to hunt that… that bruxa or whatever, then you have to let me watch.“

And they go and Jaskier‘s body gets hurt and Geralt doesn‘t acknowledge Jaskier at all, despite how he patches the wounds up and drives them to the hospital. Jaskier apologizes but Geralt stays quiet.

After a week Jaskier fears that Geralt has left him. He tries not to think too much about how sad that thought makes him. He starts to feel lonely in his own mind.

He‘s watching a rerun of Frozen on TV when Geralt talks to him again.

There‘s someone you need to visit for me.

And that‘s how Jaskier meets Yennefer of Vengerberg who looks not older than 25, is apparently over 500 years old. Huh.

Jaskier keeps mediating between Yen and Geralt who very definitely had something going on that was interrupted by Geralt‘s untimely demise until they reach an understanding.

(Basically, Jaskier softening Geralt‘s barbs when Yen riles him up which results in Geralt becoming even angrier. But Jaskier knows the voice in his head well, so he translates and can come to the reason they‘re actually at Yennefer‘s.)

So, Yennefer is a sorceress and she can work on a way to extract Geralt‘s conscience from Jaskier‘s body. Jaskier pretends he isn‘t hurt by the fact that Geralt doesn‘t enjoy his company but Geralt‘s a grown man-ghost whatever, so he can make decisions on his own. So Jaskier lets Yennefer work on him and when he wakes up he feels strangely empty.

He thanks Yennefer and leaves, suddenly aware of how quiet everything is. He realizes that Geralt kept dark thoughts at bay, that he was a reassurance. Even if Jaskier was shit at throwing a punch, Geralt wasn‘t.

It takes another week before he realizes Yen didn‘t tell him what happens to Geralt when he doesn‘t have a host to possess. I‘m not sad, he tells his friends. He drinks a lot to get over a man he never even knew.

There‘s a knock on his door. It‘s in the middle of the night and Jaskier doesn‘t expect guests so he‘s surprised. He does open the door to find a man standing there, wringing his hands. He‘s got long white hair and yellow eyes. He looks mildly uncomfortable.

Neither speaks.

„I came here with a bus,“ the man says. „I still don‘t get why everyone uses them. What happened to horses?“

And Jaskier understands.

„Geralt,“ he whispers, „You came back.“

And finally, finally they hug and Jaskier buries his face in Geralt‘s shoulder and he listens to Geralt‘s breathing and the murmured words, „Of course I came back, Jask. You‘re my home.“

[annmarcus63]

I really like the latest fic post! Very few fics deal with the calm acceptance that Jaskier's emotions for and relationship with Geralt are one-sided and have him actively take steps to put himself first and make himself happy instead of moping over the state of affairs before reluctantly accepting it while watching as Geralt plays happy families. I'm very into reading more of this if you want to write!

I'm sorry my dear and beautiful anon, this take more time than I anticipated.

Here's what happens when Geralt realizes Jaskier was right and needed him there with and for him. Is it too late, though?

Previous here In which Geralt fails once again

It's funny how loneliness comes in the strangest of forms. He's surrounded by dozens of people shouting his name from the square in front of the stage. Wasn't this what you want it? his mind supplies unhelpfully. Yes, he did want this, the love and admiration of the masses. He is, after all, the artists of the decade. But, well, in retrospective he was young and with little knowledge of life. It's only natural that your aspirations may change thru the years. Don't get him wrong, older Jaskier wants the same than younger Jaskier, but now, he understands that the love of the masses can't fill the void of being unloved unwanted by people close to him, or people he thought were close to him. So, he accepts the award with the biggest smile on his repertory, mocks Valdo Marx and goes to the tavern with a bunch of scholars like him. He drinks, he laughs, he sings a lot of his songs, flirts and play gwent.  And with every sip of wine and ale he peels a little bit of his sorrow, his wounded self-esteem, his beaten heart, and self-pity. He wished Geralt was here, with him, but he's not, so be it. Enough of wanting, enough of this ever-present loneliness. He's resolute. He'll find a place to call home, and he won't resent Geralt.

Maybe a little.

The celebration has reached the part where everyone is drunk enough to dance and sing at the top of their lungs. Jaskier is standing on top of a table surrounded by the locals, he's leading the song. He's sweating all over, his hair a brown wet mess. He's happy. When the front door swings open. It's Geralt. The witcher removes his hood and instantly locks eyes with the bard. Like a hunter finding his prey. Jaskier stops singing, right there and then, fortunately no one notices, the song continues its course.

No, no, it's too late. Jaskier thinks. I've already made my mind. The bard climbs down from the table and pushes through the crowd. His mind it's a volatile compass, pointing at his resolution and to Geralt. It tries to decide how to proceed. It tries to decide which path will hurt less.

"What are you doing here?" Jaskier is proud of his steady voice. Not even the ale could break it.

"I thought I'd make it on time" Reply Geralt, his eyes trying to find Jaskier's, but the bard is looking at a spot on the witcher's shoulder.

"You're late" In that moment the blue eyes look up to meet yellow ones, defying Geralt to name the issue. To name the hurt on Jaskier’s eyes two nights ago. To name the emotion that is now on the bard's eyes.

They both know this isn't about the ceremony, not anymore.

"I'm here now" Geralt sighs heavily and Jaskier laughs cause it's funny really. i'm here now so it must be enough.

And that's the thing, he forgave Geralt many times thanks to sporadic care and attention that would be forgotten later. His heart is screaming within his chest, the poor thing wants to take Geralt back. But no, Jaskier won't listen to it anymore.

"And you are late"

A girl walks past them holding a tray of beers, Jaskier takes one and drinks half of it in one go.

Geralt watches him, anxiety sewing itself on his veins. He can feel the goodbye hanging between them. He fucked up, again, but this time for good.

"I thought Yen’s message was important" Jaskier wipes his mouth with the back of his hand, cursing internally, his tongue is loose by the alcohol. He sounds bitter and resentful. He hates it.

"It is, but this is too" and oh the witcher is trying but instead of being charmed Jaskier gets angry.

"Oh, now it's important, I see. Well, maybe if you have arrived on time for the actual ceremony..."

“…I tried”

"Maybe it wouldn't be too fucking late" A young couple turn to look at them, feeling embarrassed Jaskier lowers his voice and continues. "I appreciate the effort, Geralt, but is an unnecessary one. I’m sorry, my friend” says Jaskier reaching out to place a hand on the Witcher’s muscular arm, trying to convey comradery, an olive branch if you will, for Geralt to take and be gone without blame. If Jaskier dared to look at Geralt's face one more time, he would find sadness, grief, shame, and fear. Every emotion that the witcher always tried to conceal from everyone, especially Jaskier.  “There's an open bar, enjoy the celebration. Rest. I'm going to sleep" In that instant Jaskier heart broke even more. How he wanted this man, how he long for him, decades on end. Even in his resolution he still wants him.

He needs to rest too. He's not young anymore, his feet hurt, and his thighs are trembling from the exertion. So, he turns around up the stairs to his room, closes the door behind and with clothes and all, he gets into bed and sleeps like death.

[d-andilion]

mornings

another prompt for @whataboutthebard!

prompt: wuv - bundled up

(valskier, T/M, modern au, established relationship, fluff, mild horniness, playing it a little loose with the prompt today, 1.2k, read on ao3)

Mornings have never really been Jaskier’s forte. Back at Oxenfurt, he wouldn’t be caught dead in a class that started before 11:00 AM, and he’s still the university’s unofficial reigning all-nighter champion. The real world blasphemously required him to be up at a “reasonable” time most days, so he tried to keep weekend plans to afternoon hours where they belonged. He wasn’t sure which of his friends suggested they all go for an early breakfast on a Saturday, but whoever it was was getting a stern talking to.

The very naked boyfriend Jaskier found sprawled out between him and the alarm clock was the only reason the squealing device didn’t wind up smashed against a wall. That, and the way the sheets rucked up to expose Valdo’s thigh as he reached for the clock sucked every single thought, destructive or otherwise, out of Jaskier’s head. A few sleepy smiles later, Jaskier found himself bundled up in a mess of blankets and limbs, tracing paths over that pale skin with his mouth.

Then Valdo slipped his long fingers into Jaskier’s hair, flashed him a sly smile, and uttered fighting words: “I can’t decide if your obsession with my legs is cute or creepy.”

Jaskier tore his lips away from Valdo’s thigh with a squawk. “I am not obsessed with them!”

“Don’t whine,” said Valdo, seemingly unphased by his baseless accusations. “I said it might be cute. In fact, I’m almost sure it is. At least fifty percent cute.”

“I’m not obsessed.” He wasn’t. “I pay acceptable and completely understandable homage to a lovely pair of appendages that just so happen to be connected to your torso.”

Valdo wrinkled his nose. “Appendages? Not sexy, Julian.”

“I’m not trying to be sexy, I’m defending my honor!”

It might be true that Jaskier tended to give Valdo’s legs a little extra attention, but to call him obsessed was overstating things. So what if he never missed an opportunity to lavish Valdo’s thighs with kisses? Valdo enjoyed that every bit as much as Jaskier did; Jaskier could catch Valdo running his fingers over the marks left behind days later. And if Jaskier’s brain short-circuited every time Valdo’s legs wrapped around his waist, how could he possibly be blamed? It wasn’t his fault Valdo was an insatiable minx, was it?

Valdo chuckled at him. Chuckled. “You’re allowed to be obsessed with me, love. I would have preferred it be for my eyes or something, but this works too.”

Jaskier definitely was obsessed with Valdo’s gorgeous brown eyes, but that was a conversation for a later date. “You know what?” Jaskier said, crawling up over his boyfriend with a hand planted on either side of Valdo’s head. “it’s your fault I’m obsessed with them.”

“So you admit it?”

“Shut up.”

Valdo giggled up at him and, in full service of the completely valid point Jaskier was about to make, wrapped his legs firmly around Jaskier’s waist. If Jaskier briefly—briefly!—forgot what he was about to say, no one would ever be able to prove it.

“It’s your fault,” Jaskier continued, “because they’re a mile long each, unreasonably muscular for someone who does no physical labor—”

“I run!” Valdo cried, swatting Jaskier’s arm.

Jaskier plowed on. “And the first thing you do when I’m within range is entrap me in them! What was I supposed to do?”

“Whatever you need to tell yourself, dear one.” Valdo’s tone was smug with victory, but his pale cheeks had gone pink.

Jaskier dipped down for a kiss that became two and three, and he lost interest in counting after that. Valdo licked into his mouth. His arms wound around Jaskier’s neck, pulling him down to press Valdo into the mattress. Then the little tease turned his head with a grin and let Jaskier’s next kiss fall messily onto his cheek.

“We have to get up,” said Valdo breathlessly. Jaskier ducked to kiss his neck, featherlight.

“No.”

“Yes.”

“Why?”

“Breakfast with our friends, recall?”

Jaskier sighed mightily and let his full weight crush his boyfriend for a moment in revenge, earning him a groan and a pinch to his shoulder. “Fine,” he grumbled. Valdo detangled himself to let Jaskier roll off and out of bed.

“Can I borrow something?” asked Jaskier, making a B-line for the chair in the corner of Valdo’s bedroom piled high with clean but unfolded laundry.

“If you must,” said Valdo, sounding very put-upon.

“Shut up,” Jaskier replied throwing a grin over his shoulder. Valdo’s eyes were notably watching his ass, as they often did whenever Jaskier turned around, but of course they weren’t going to talk about that little obsession. “I know you love me wearing your clothes.”

Valdo sniffed pompously. “I will neither confirm nor deny that.”

Jaskier laughed and continued to dig around in the pile for something to wear. He knew he’d left a few shirts here and at least one pair of jeans, but they were all mysteriously absent. There was no point checking the closet. Valdo only bothered to put away his nice clothes; all the others were either in the chair or in the dirty hamper.

“You could leave things here if you wanted,” said Valdo from the bed. His tone had changed but Jaskier couldn’t quite pin it down. More serious, maybe? Jaskier couldn’t think what about.

“I leave plenty of things here,” Jaskier replied without turning around. “You just never wash them.”

“I’m your boyfriend, not a laundry service.”

Jaskier snorted. “I think it’s reasonable to expect you to wash my clothes if you’re the one wearing them.”

“I do not do that.”

“You absolutely do.”

“Irrelevant.” Valdo sighed heavily and Jaskier heard the blankets rustling. “Anyway, that’s not what I mean.”

“Oh?”

There was a short pause. “You could leave more things here. Like… the rest of your wardrobe. Maybe.”

Jaskier’s brow furrowed for a moment. Why would he leave all his clothes here? That didn’t even make sense. Then the realization hit him and he spun around so quickly, he almost toppled over, stark naked with one of Valdo’s hoodies in hand.

Valdo looked a bit like he was trying to hide, at least as much as someone of his height was capable of hiding in an otherwise empty bed. He’d sat up against the headboard, knees brought up to his chest and the duvet pulled over his shoulders. A head of disastrously messy curls atop a pile of blankets. It was adorable. Jaskier dropped the hoodie he was holding and sat down on the side of the bed.

“Are you asking me to move in with you?” Jaskier asked. His heart hammered away in his chest. Jaskier was pretty sure he knew what was going on, but he wanted to be sure. He wanted Valdo to say yes. Because then Jaskier could say yes.

“Depends,” Valdo muttered. The covers shifted over his knees like he was fidgeting. Valdo rarely fidgeted.

“On what?”

“On your answer.”

Jaskier smiled so wide, his cheeks ached. He grabbed Valdo’s face with both hands and kissed him with a comically loud smack. “Yes!”

Valdo let out a bark of nervous laughter that turned real and warm, especially when Jaskier yanked him down onto the bed by his ankles and climbed back on top of him, kissing every inch of skin available.

“What about breakfast?” asked Valdo, but the intention behind it was weak. His legs were already back around Jaskier’s waist, and he made no move to let go.

Jaskier kissed the side of Valdo’s neck and the point of his jaw and the apple of his cheek. “We were going to be late anyway.”

Mornings were still terrible, Jaskier wanted that on record. But maybe they wouldn’t be as terrible if they all started out like this.

~~

w.a.t.b. masterlist

[flowercrown-bard]

Hi, I absolutely LOVED your short fic about ace Jaskier and Geralt ❤️ I wanted to ask if you could recommend any other fics that include ace Geraskier, maybe your favourite ones, because I'd love to read them but unfortunately it's not easy for me to find them. Thanks so much in advance.

Hi! thank you so much I'm so happy you liked it <3

I remember the first time I read an ace!Jaskier fic my mind was blown bc I didn't think I'd find fics like that but there are so many amazing ones! Here are my top four in no particular order:

A Little Human Contact (by Quallian42)

summary: As a prank Eskel and Lambert gift Geralt a session with a professional cuddler (Jaskier). Geralt is weirded out at first but then it turns out that he really likes cuddling and also he really really likes Jaskier

why I love it: The focus isn't on Geralt being ace. It's just a story in which he happens to be ace and it's lovely to read a slowburn with plot in which the main character is ace. also the pining. So much pining and none of it is sexual. It felt so good to read a story like that

Too Much, Too Litte (by @samstree)

summary: Geralt believes he has to has sex with people in order to get to hold someone and be close to them. Jaskier explains that he doesn't need to have sex with Geralt because he loves being close to him in any way Geralt enjoys

why I love it: the metaphor for asexuality is a beast beneath Geralt's skin. And that's just genius bc that's a metaphor I've only ever seen used to describe sexual urges and this revearsal is everything. (Also, spoiler for the ending: It's not just sex. Maybe Geralt will never want to kiss Jaskier either and that's ok. As someone who's not a big fan of kissing, this ending had me in tears. Just. So beautiful)

A Touchy One (@dhwty-writes)

summary: Geralt notices that Jaskier touches people a lot, but he doesn't seem to like getting touched in return. He asks him about it and Jaskier tells him that he doesn't like being touched because it often leads to sex.

why I love it: It's written from the POV of an allosexual person learning that their loved one is asexual. I don't think I've read something like that very often. It's really interesting to see how Geralt pays attention to Jaskier. And Geralt is just so soft in this and the writing style is beautiful

The Talk (by @lotsofquestionslimitedanswers)

summary: Geralt thinks he needs to have sex to keep his romantic partners happy. He doesn't know how to answer when Jaskier wants to have a talk first and asks him about what he likes in bed.

why I love it: The communication. Jaskier insists on making sure he knows what his partner likes in bed and the things Geralt says are heartbreaking. Jaskier's reassurances are beautiful and you can see how much he loves Geralt with everything he says.

I'm sorry these are the only ones I remember right now. I know I've read many more ace! Geralt and/or ace!Jaskier fics. So here are some much longer fic rec lists by other people (not all of these are Geraskier and some of them are explicit):

Ace & Aro Rep Witcher Fics (by @stinastar)

Ace Week 2020 (by @jaskierswolf)

(this isn't Geraskier and it's shameless self promotion but I'm just gonna mention my ace!Valdo fic here bc we deserve some "I didn't even consider that I might be different I just thought everyone was joking about sexual attraction" dumbassery: I'd rather eat cake )

[yeraskier]

Ooh, if no one's asked yet, what's two night stand?

this is based off the movie two night stand.

its a modern au where jaskier and geralt meet on some anonymous dating app because jaskier's trying to get over his ex so they end up fucking! and the sex is ya know, as sex between them would probably be, but the chemistry is Terribleee. because jaskier talks a lot and geralt gets annoyed easily and several other reasons (geralt is a dick tbh but he has some personal issues and being around jaskier makes them come to the surface because jaskier's so fucking. you know Jaskier. poetic and kind and its just a lot.) so they just cant be in each other's company. so jaskier leaves, or at least he tries to. he finds that hes unable to because there was a huge fucking blizzard and now the door is literally locked shut by ice, which is really just his luck. so they end up having to spend the whole weekend together

“Well, was the sex bad?”

Jaskier sighs and rubs a hand down his face. “No, Essi, the sex was not bad.”

“Alright then, what’s the problem?” He can practically hear his best friend rolling her eyes through the phone.

“The problem is that the guy is an absolute prick!”

“Valdo levels of prick?”

He considers for a moment, “okay, no one's that bad but he’s still an arse.”

“Is he now?”

Jaskier freezes. That was not Essi’s voice.

He turns to find Geralt standing a few feet away, slightly wet with nothing but a towel to cover his modesty. He’s glaring again.

Jaskier can hear Essi calling out for him over the line but he’s too distracted by Geralt’s… well, everything, but the glare. Especially the glare.

The last thing Jaskier needs is to be pissing off the man he has to stay with this weekend. So, of course, that’s exactly what happens.

“Uh, I’ll call you back, Es,” he promises before promptly hanging up.

[bamf-jaskier]

So I’ve been having a lot of thoughts about how imbalanced Geralt and Jaskier’s relationship is in the show and while I might make another post about it, I don’t think anything shows that better than by comparing the Djinn scene in The Last Wish vs the show. 

For the set-up to meeting the Djinn in the books, Geralt and Dandelion are fishing together. They are both holding onto a line in and manage to haul in a 12 foot long catfish by working together and on the other line they have in the river  Jaskier pulls out the Djinn’s amphora. In the show, Geralt is hunting the Djinn in an attempt to try and get some peace of mind. Jaskier happens to run into Geralt and watches as Geralt pulls out the Djinn. 

Scene from The Last Wish:

“Ha!” Dandilion exclaimed again, proudly. “Do you know what this is?”

“It's an old pot.”

“You're wrong,” declared the troubadour, scraping away shells and hardened, shiny clay. “This is a charmed jar. There's a djinn inside who'll fulfill my three wishes.”

The witcher snorted.

“You can laugh.” Dandilion finished his scraping, bent over and rinsed the amphora. “But there's a seal on the spigot and a wizard's mark on the seal.”

“What mark? Let's see.”

“Oh, sure.” The poet hid the jar behind his back. “And what more do you want? I’m the one who found it and I need all the wishes.”

“Don't touch that seal! Leave it alone!”

“Let go, I tell you! It's mine!”

“Dandilion, be careful!”

“Sure!”

“Don't touch it! Oh, bloody hell!”

The jar fell to the sand during their scuffle, and luminous red smoke burst forth.

The witcher jumped back and rushed toward the camp for his sword. Dandilion, folding his arms across his chest, didn't move.

The smoke pulsated and collected in an irregular sphere level with Dandilion's eyes. The sphere formed a six-foot-wide distorted head with no nose, enormous eyes and a sort of beak.

Compare that to the scene from the show: 

Jaskier: Wow. Wow. What is- What is that?

Geralt: [inspecting the stopper] It’s a wizard’s seal. The djinn.

Jaskier: Do you mind if I- [He grabs the pot.]

Geralt: Jaskier...

Jaskier: Take back that bit about my fillingless pie. Take it back and then you can have your djinny-djinn-djinn.

Geralt: Let go.

Jaskier: No! No, let go, you horse’s arse! [Geralt accidentally pulls out the stopper. Jaskier upends the pot, nothing happens.] Hm. That’s a bit of an anticlimax. [A sudden breeze ruffles their hair.] Or is it?

Now, it’s important to note that the dialogue is actually quite similar when Geralt and Jaskier are arguing about taking the jar and the seal. However, where it really differs is the context. 

In the show, Geralt finds the Djinn and Jaskier takes it from him without asking and Geralt is clearly annoyed by this. 

In the books, Dandelion finds the amphora and Geralt doesn’t believe it’s a Djinn while Dandelion does and Geralt tries to warn Dandelion of opening it because he considers it dangerous. 

It’s the difference between Geralt being genuinely annoyed at Jaskier vs Geralt being concerned for Dandelion’s safety. There is a weird amount of contention between Geralt and Jaskier in the show that makes their relationship feels honestly unhealthy in many ways. 

Scene from The Last Wish:

“Djinn!” said Dandilion, stamping his foot. “I freed thee and as of this day, I am thy lord. My wishes—”

The head snapped its beak, which wasn't really a beak but something in the shape of drooping, deformed and ever-changing lips.

“Run!” yelled the witcher. “Run, Dandilion!”

“My wishes,” continued the poet, “are as follows. Firstly, may Valdo Marx, the troubadour of Cidaris, die of apoplexy as soon as possible. Secondly, there's a count's daughter in Caelf called Virginia who refuses all advances. May she succumb to mine. Thirdly—”

No one ever found out Dandilion's third wish.

Two monstrous paws emerged from the horrible head and grabbed the bard by the throat. Dandilion screeched.

Again, Compare that to the scene from the show: 

Jaskier: Djinn, I have freed thee, and as of this day, I am thy lord. Firstly, may Valdo Marx, the troubadour of Cidaris, be struck down with apoplexy and die. Secondly, the Countess de Stael must welcome me back with glee, open arms, and very little clothing. Thirdly-

Geralt: Jaskier! [He grabs the back of Jaskier’s top and pulls him backward.]

Jaskier: Wha-

Geralt: Stop! There are only three wishes.

Jaskier: Oh, come on, you always say you want nothing from life. So how was I supposed to know you wanted three wishes all to yourself?

Geralt: I just want some damn peace!

Jaskier: Well, here’s your peace! [He throws the pot to the ground where it breaks. Geralt bares his teeth and growls before he bows down to collect the pieces, missing the fresh cut on his forearm. The wind intensifies and Jaskier raises a hand to his throat.] Geralt… Geralt… it’s the djinn! [Geralt casts a magical sign at the black, transparent smoke rushing by. Jaskier doubles over and clutches his throat.]

Geralt: Jaskier. [Jaskier vomits blood.]

Again, while the dialogue is very similar, especially in the case of Jaskier/Dandelion some of it being word for word in fact, Geralt in the books tries to protect Dandelion while the only thing Geralt focuses on is the wishes themselves. As well, in the books, Dandelion’s injury in the books is due to his own folly and arrogance while in the show, the writers make it indirectly Geralt’s fault. 

It’s another weird choice that seems to suggest a dislike and a hostility between Geralt and Jaskier. It seems that even subconsciously Geralt doesn’t want Jaskier around. 

Scene from The Last Wish:

“A troubadour,” repeated Chireadan, looking at Geralt. “That's bad. Very bad. The muscles of his neck and throat are attacked. Changes in his vocal cords are starting to take place. The spell's action has to be halted as soon as possible otherwise…This might be irreversible.”

“That means…Does that mean he won't be able to talk?”

“Talk, yes. Maybe. Not sing.”

Geralt sat down at the table without saying a word and rested his forehead on his clenched fists.

Again, Compare that to the scene from the show: 

Chireadan: His throat was attacked. If the spell’s action isn’t halted as soon as possible, that damage might be irreversible.

Jaskier: Wha- [vomiting more blood]

Chireadan: And the longer he goes untreated, the more likely it is to spread. He could die.

Jaskier: [gasps] Fuck! Geralt.

Geralt: Uh... Yeah, we won‘t let that happen. [pats Jaskier’s back]

In the books, Geralt shows genuine concern for Dandelion and is heartbroken by the idea that he might not be able to sing again. Remember, in the books, Dandelion’s injury is a result of his own folly and Geralt still feels this obvious and clear sadness. In the show--he just has this awkward grimace and pats him on the back. He almost seems to be there out of a strange sense of duty and doesn’t seem to feel too much guilt about his part in Jaskier’s injury. 

Even when they are reunited after Yennefer heals Jaskier, it is very different in the two mediums (I actually want to do another post about Yennefer in Bottled Appetites vs The Last Wish)

Scene from The Last Wish:

“Dandilion!” Geralt shouted, holding Krepp back, who was clearly getting ready to perform an exorcism or a curse. “Where have you…here…Dandilion!”

“Geralt!” The bard jumped up.

“Dandilion!”

Again, Compare that to the scene from the show: 

Jaskier: Oh, Geralt. Thank the gods. I might live to see another day. We need to go. 

Geralt: Jaskier, you’re okay.

Jaskier: I’m glad to hear that you give a monkey’s about it.

Geralt: Let’s not jump to conclusions. What happened?

Geralt and Jaskier are overjoyed to see each other in the books meanwhile in the show Geralt is just...okay about it. 

And it’s really strange because Netflix!Geralt can show emotion when he wants to, he does with Yennefer in Bottled Appetites and Rare Species, he shows fear when she is with the Djinn and care when they are in the tent together and yet --- this emotion is not extended to Jaskier. This isn’t simply a difference of Geralt’s characterization.

In the show, the writers created an imbalanced relationship between Geralt and Jaskier where Geralt never asked Jaskier to be there. The bard is constantly inserting himself into Geralt’s life when he is not wanted and testing Geralt’s boundaries without permission. He almost seems like an invader in Geralt’s life and it makes it so that I honestly can’t believably see Geralt and Jaskier traveling together for 20 years. 

Dandelion and Geralt protect each other, care for each other and worry about one another. Even from the beginning of the Djinn incident, they were fishing together. Geralt and Jaskier on the other hand have a relationship where Geralt begrudgingly tolerates Jaskier while Jaskier plows along blindly. It’s not healthy on either side. Geralt is putting up with someone he doesn’t seem to have a genuine connection with and Jaskier is pushing boundaries and constantly talking to a man who has no interest in listening. 

There is no reciprocal relationship between Geralt and Jaskier and I think in the end that’s why there is this hostility between the two of them.

[all-hail-the-witcher]

geralt ramsey

I've been screaming about this with @toss-a-coin-to-your-lesbian and @toss-a-coin-to-your-stan-account for like days so you've heard of chef!geralt, now get ready for geralt ramsey because I've been watching way too much hells kitchen and kitchen nightmares

-so geralts a witcher. been alive since like the middle ages.

-but the monsters got few and far between and he dabbled in some careers before going to culinary school

-jaskiers especially surprised that he's good at it cause he remembers geralts tasteless campfire rabbit from 1238 thank you Very much

-also no one knows how old he is

-someone asked him on twitter once

-he said “852″

-everyone thought he was joking

-but anyway geralt somehow becomes this Really Good Chef

-hosts hells kitchen, masterchef, masterchef kids, kitchen nightmares, all of them and owns all the restaurants has his fancy lil michelin stars okay he's Good

-everyones scared of him

-he wears his hair in a bun, pen behind the ear

-arms crossed, usually scowling 

-wears a black jacket instead of chefs whites cause jaskier says it makes his “hair pop”

-intimidating To The Max

-but he's secretly the biggest softie

-but no one really knows it

-cause if you undercook his scallops? oh man you're gonna get it

-jaskier kinda thinks its hot

-speaking of jaskier

-hes one of the hosts on great british baking show

-valdo marx is the other

-No One Knows That Jaskier And Geralt Are Together Much Less Married

-jaskier makes them get married in a new place every time it becomes legal there

-geralt hates it but he puts up with it cause it makes jaskier happy

-but anyway

-no one knows they're together

-jaskier cant cook to save his life

-hes essentially the joey batey baking video irl

-every time he cooks geralt says a prayer that he won't get food poisoning

-like gordon does on kitchen nightmares

-jaskiers specialty is dino nuggets

-geralt pretends to hate them but he loves munching them after a long day

- “if word got out that a 16 michelin star chef liked dino nuggets id be done for julek, how dare you even suggest such a thing”

-one time on kitchen nightmares he lets it slip that he has a husband

- “even my husbands food is better than that!!” 

-and immediately goes “fuck”

-the whole internet is like you're MARRIED???? you're GAY??????

-cue hunt for the elusive husband

-jaskier thinks its fucking hilarious

-lambert teases him relentlessly

-there are many theories

-but alas, no one guesses the host of gbb

-one time

-its one of their many anniversaries 

-geralt forgot cause by this point they have at least 150

-that night on hells kitchen he goes “listen up. my husbands here tonight. its our anniversary. don't fuck this up.”

-everyone (including contestants) tries to figure out who the husband could be

-but they cant

-the only person of any remote significance is that hist of gbb sitting in the red kitchens vip booth

-eventually tho it Does come out

-in like

-the most ridiculous way possible

-theres this big fire in one of geralts restaurants 

-on the night he happens to be there

-everyones pretty much fine

-but geralt (along with most of the other kitchen staff) inhaled a fuck ton of smoke

-jaskier shows up just as geralts hacking and trying to sign the waiver to refuse care

-cause hes a “fucking witcher, jaskier. ive survived way worse with your slapdash first aid and back room healers i don't need modern medicine” 

-jaskier is Beside Himself

-meanwhile everyones like tf is the host of gbb doing here

-jaskiers arguing with geralt and everyones like :o cause you Don't do that

- “dear heart. you can’t breathe. you are GOING to the hospital if i have to drag you there myself!”

-everyones like....dear heart????

- “julek-”

- “no! you're my husband!! i fucking care about you, you oaf! modern medicine was invented for a reason!!!”

-everyones like oh. oh my god. that's him. that's the fucking husband.

-and geralts just like

- “i used to fight monsters i can survive some sm-” and then he just starts coughing

-and jaskiers like. instantly soft as heck. 

- “cmon dear heart, lets go talk to the emts, alright? I know you can survive without their help, but it would make me feel so much better if you listened to them.”

- “....fine”

-and jaskier gives him a forehead kiss and wraps his arm around him

-everyones Shocked

-cause it was bakeoff dude all along????

-geralts kinda annoyed 

- “now i gotta share you, julek”

- “there's enough of me to go around”

- “hmm”

- “if you're so annoyed we could always stage a divorce. we can afford one, we are legally married in like 16 countries”

- “no, jaskier”

-lambert teases them about it

- “really geralt? no one had Smoke Inhalation on their betting list for how the world find out you were together! now what are we supposed to do? the pool was like a million bucks!!”

-geralt ignores him

-but after it comes out

-jaskier occasionally surprises geralt at work

-and everyones So Shocked that grrr mean chef geralt is actually so soft with his husband??

-and jasper also talks about geralt on bakeoff 

-he tells cute stories

-i just love this au and i could talk about it for hours okay

[wolf-and-bard]

What the hell is ‘Geraskier’?

A silly ficlet born from a conversation I had with @frogcheesedoesthewitcher

warnings for mild gore and explicit language. enjoy <3

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

"Geralt, check this out," Jaskier says, grinning like a child and waving his phone. "I found this whole website where people write about us."

"Jaskier," Geralt grunts. "OUT OF THE WAY." He flashes by across the parking lot and close to where Jaskier leans against his car, grappling with a werewolf that snaps its jaws at him, barely missing Geralt's exposed neck. It has already torn Geralt's armour to shreds and the witcher is down to a thin black shirt that hugs his muscles and falls open at the neck.

"Oh, Tumblr is going to love this." Jaskier discards the post he's been reblogging - a picture of himself in the most beautiful, pale blue medieval doublet - and switches to his camera app. He aims to angle away from the carnage and focus exlcusively on Geralt's muscles. This is going to be the perfect kickstart to his new career. Maybe he can use the site to promote his songs.

When Geralt buries his sword in the werewolf's thigh, Jaskier has to stop filming. This is the ugly part and he's not too keen on watching it either, so he refreshes his dashboard and sees a new FanFiction pop up. He likes them, these FanFiction. This one is tagged 'Geraskier'. He's no clue what that means, but it's about him and Geralt and some fight they had so it's gotta be good.

He's halfway through when the werewolf dies with a gurgle and Geralt hovers over it, panting.

"Jaskier, what the fuck," he says when Jaskier saunters over, eyes glued to his phone screen again. "You could have gotten hurt."

"Nah. Look, I've been reading these stories on the internet. About us. Dear gods, they are amazing. Did you know you experience intense sexual heat on the regular? Do you, Geralt? I never noticed."

"What?"

"Yes. And, apparently, I'm immortal. And earlier I read one where Valdo gets publically flogged. I love it."

Geralt shakes his head and whips out his dagger to take a trophy from the werewolf. The monster's been terrorizing the factory grounds of a large car producer by night and the man will want solid prove that he can start production again. Jaskier would usually make Geralt take a silly picture with the head, but he is too distracted by the story.

"Okay, but listen here: in this one you apologize to me after we have a fight like you actually appreciate me."

"I appreciate you," Geralt says, sounding mildly irritated, and dumps the werewolf's head by their feet.

"Oh, come one, you barely tolerate me." Jaskier laughs and puts a hand to his hip, rubbing one shoe over the other so the blood stains won't set. He only just got them.

"What happens next? After I apologize?"

"Let me see... uh... you pull me close by the front of my shirt and cup my face with sword-roughened hands. They are warm and dry against my cheeks. You..."

"I?"

"... you smile and turn away," Jaskier finishes hastily, veiling his embarrassment with a cough. Wow, this random person on the internet really understands his deepest desires. He can never let Geralt find Tumblr or FanFiction or whatever. His face feels hot.

"You're lying," Geralt protests and makes a grab for Jaskier's phone.

"Am not."

"Yes, you are. I know your tells, Jask, give me that phone."

They grapple for a bit, but if Jaskier doesn't want his phone to get crushed in the frenzy, he has to admit defeat. Shit. This is not what he wanted.

Geralt holds Jaskier at arm's length with one hand splayed over his chest and uses the other to unlock Jaskier's phone.

“What the hell is ‘Geraskier’?”

“You don’t want to know,” Jaskier sighs, giving up the struggle. He watches Geralt’s eyes flick, left and right, left and right, as he reads on. His expression is unreadable.

"Hmm," Geralt concludes when he's done and hands Jaskier the phone. Usually, Jaskier prides himself in being able to translate all of Geralt's grunts and hums, but this one could mean anything.

"Yeah, well. The internet, huh?" Jaskier could smack himself for how awkward that comes out.

"It's not that big."

"What?"

"My cock," Geralt says, and tilts his head to the side, looking at Jaskier. "It's not that big."

"Why are you telling me this?" Jaskier splutters.

"Just so you won't be disappointed." And Geralt pulls him close by the front of his shirt and cups Jaskier's face with sword-roughened hands. They are warm and dry against his cheeks. He kisses him and it tastes like sweat and werewolf blood and sunshine and something that is uniquely Geralt.