#what is this work of the cat distribution system

[fatherfigureneeded]

a cat just crawled up my window. that's it. that's the whole post. a cat just clawed his way up my window screen like he was in a rom-com, meowing furiously the entire time. i have nothing else to say, i just felt like i needed to tell someone.

[chryblossomjjk]

what’s a bitch gotta do to run into a chonky black cat and take it home

[bellarichie]

everyone talks about the cat distribution system with glamour and reciprocity but no one ever warns you about an annoying ass cat fixating on you without any reason whatsoever when you already have a cat who's perfectly fine. like ok i guess? i'll be your loving owner. begrudgingly.

[injuries-in-dust]

I don't know why, but I like the idea of humans being to aliens, what cats are to humans...

Alien1: hey, when did you hire a human?

Alien 2: we didn't. They just wandered aboard one day, saying they wanted to "hitch a ride." Then they never left. I think they like it here.

Alien 1: the human distribution system has chosen.

***

Alien stares at the human, who has climbed up a very high shelving unit.

Alien: Human, get down before you hurt yourself.

The humans response is to climb higher.

***

Alien is secretly filming their human, who is spaced out and just staring at nothing.

Alien (whispering): I think the human is about to intercept the brain cell. (Laughter) don't worry human, if it tingles that means it's working.

[atoltia]

A Feline Distraction

You head over to one of Sylus' villas in the suburbs only to find him... being yelled at by a cat?

In which Sylus got chosen by the cat distribution system.

Sylus x !femMC

Fluff, domestic fluff, a cat

-0-

You really didn't know why you came by so early.

When Sylus sent you the invitation to come to one of his villas - the same one where you sought out shelter from the rain that one time you had a mission in the suburbs - he didn't set any time, just the open message that he will be there and he does not have any work that day.

Which was his way of telling you that yes, he was aware that it is your day off and he wanted to spend the day with you. The invitation sounded innocent enough, if the man that you were thinking about wasn't Sylus. You knew very well that if you didn't go, he'd have gone to your apartment instead whether you liked it or not, and considering that Xavier just came back from one of his long missions - it might just be best if you indulged the man.

And besides, it wasn't like it was going to be unpleasant. It's a nice day out and you remember that house having a pool and a lovely garden. Maybe you could convince him to take a dip with you, clothes being optional.

And Sylus - well, it's been a few weeks since the two of you spent some time together and you do admit that you've missed the man. Besides his seemingly gruff persona, he's pleasant company to be around with (and you definitely didn't miss the way he would hold you, just keep you in his arms whenever the two of you were together. Definitely not).

So there you were, pushing through the gates of the villa while the early morning sun shone bright overhead, admiring the way the blossoms of the nearby flower bushes were blooming as the sunlight dappled through the trees.

You looked up, your lips curling into a smile when you saw him by the rose bushes, standing tall and proud with his arms folded over his chest, his face contorted into a frown -

Hm, what?

You stopped, blinked as you watched Sylus stand there beneath the shade of the nearby trees, long fingers pinching the bridge of his nose as a kitten was trying - and failing - to climb his pants leg while an open can of tuna lay undisturbed by his feet on the cobblestone walkway.

It was a pretty little thing. White, wispy fur with a cute dark spot at the top of its head covered a tiny little baby about the size of your hand. It couldn't have been more than a few weeks old, maybe a month, by your estimate.

It was stubborn though, judging from the way it kept climbing Sylus' pant no matter how much it fell, and the loud shrills of its mews was very present in that lovely morning as it desperately demanded the man's attention.

"Sy." You smiled when he looked up, those ruby, ruby eyes that were swirling with frustration mere moments ago shifted, warmth blooming into them when his gaze landed on you. He didn't move to meet you as he decided to stand his ground as his leg kept getting barraged by one tiny cat, although his arm outstretched to grasp you the moment you were within his reach.

"Hi," he murmured into your hair, twirling a lock of it between his long fingers as he pressed you to his body, careful to not agitate the still climbing kitten.

"Who's this?" you asked as you looked down at the little rascal, now chirping at the both of you. It's gotten up to his waist now, claws fully dug into the leather of his belt.

Sylus sighed, and you could see his attempt to dig for patience. "She's been trying to climb me for the past half hour now," he grumbled, his fingers tapping into the length of your back. "Like a certain kitten that's insistent on her bedtime schedule."

You laughed, brightening his day almost immediately, as you leant slightly to cup the kitten within your hand. It didn't make a fuss, but it now directed it's insistent mewing at you.

"Aren't you a pretty baby?" It wasn't lost on you the way Sylus' eyes softened as you cooed, his head tilting to the side as he shifted his bodyweight to his other foot. You bent down to the ground to where the tuna was, nudging the baby so it could eat.

Before it immediately jumped back to climb Sylus' leg.

He turned towards you.

"Do you see the problem now?"

You inhaled from your nose sharply, his eyes narrowing when he saw you struggling to keep your composure. "Wow," you exhaled as you hid your smile with the back of your hand. "Such a problem, indeed."

He clicked his tongue before drilling a finger into your side, which resulted in you being unable to hide your glee of the situation anymore as you doubled over in delight.

So hilarious was your partner's plight that you just had to lean up, used his wide shoulders as support as you stood on the tips of your toes, to give him a noisy kiss on his jaw.

The kitten mewed between you.

"Yes, yes," you chided, picking the baby back up and holding her up to his eye level. "She wants you."

"Doesn't everyone?"

"The cops certainly do."

He snorted, once again folding his arms over his massive chest as stared at the cat in your hands. It took him a few moments, but you've spent enough time with him to know that there were hundreds of thoughts circulating in that man's head as he tried to figure out the best course of action.

Yet, he sighed in defeat.

"Come here." The kitten was dwarfed within his hands, her big eyes impossibly bright as he turned her over to be cradled in his arms. The incessant mewing stopped and was already replaced by purring that could rival his motorcycle engine.

You were ecstatic.

Now within the confines of the house, the kitten went absolutely feral over the tuna that it ignored for over half an hour, making a mess of its tiny face and his marble countertops.

"What are you naming her?" you asked, your fingers gently petting the top of the cat's head.

It wasn't often that you saw Sylus to look so affronted, but to see him like that over a cat was a hilarious experience.

"I'm not keeping it."

"Why not?"

He looked at you, one wonderfully sculpted brow arched at your direction. "Do you really expect me to keep a cat?"

You raised a brow in turn. "You have Mephisto."

"Sweetie," he said, digging for patience from his already lowered supply. "He's a mechanical bird."

"His battery died once in the middle of watching me and you freaked out and came to get him yourself."

"He's my eyes on you," he insisted. "I needed him fixed immediately."

Your brow stayed lifted. "I still have video of you cradling him like a baby," you said evenly. "Or did you forget that ever happened?"

He lifted a shoulder, shrugged. "I'm merely protective of what's mine."

"Great," you said as you clasped his hand, pumped it once. "You'd do great with Sofia."

"Excuse me."

"Nice dealing with you, love." Mirth flashed in your eyes as your lips quirked with laughter.

He tugged your hand, pulled you towards his chest. Frustration mixed with amusement danced in his eyes as he leaned down and nipped your lower lip. "If that's how you proceed with negotiations, I'm going to have to sit you down for lessons."

"If it works, it works." You kissed his throat, hummed, rocked him as you stood. "I'm gonna go for a swim. Make sure you get the tuna off her face." And with a slight push, you were off him, making your merry way to the pool.

"What am I going to do with the both of you?"

You laughed, and the last thing you saw was him standing, both hands on his hips as he watched the cat.

-0-

It didn't take long for the photos to come.

Sylus wasn't averse to taking photos, certainly when it came to you considering the last time you checked his phone there were hundreds of pictures of just you.

He sent you several pictures of little Sofia with the excuse of giving you "updates" but you know full well he was as smitten with the cat as you were.

It's hilarious, really. He was a terrifying man. The mere mention of his name could make even the hardened of space criminals second thoughts. You've seen this man in combat, and even utilized his skills to aid you with your work. To the common folk, Sylus was the boogeyman that wasn't meant to be messed with lest you wanted to die.

Cats adored him.

Or at least curious about him, even with the smarmy look he always has on his damned beautiful face. Since the very first time you've met him, he'd be sending you a photo or two of random cat interactions, most of which he never invited to happen.

You remembered that one time he sent you a photo of one of his sitting rooms and asked you to find a black kitten that managed to get into his manor without anyone knowing. You had to come over and help him scour for hours because, as you found out, finding a black kitten in a room with dark furniture was nearly impossible.

And there was that other time, in the same villa where you found him being scaled by little Sofia, you two had quite a close encounter with another kitten that was stuck in his basement.

Many dates, many vacations, and you could always recall him being stopped by at least one cat and the occasional bird along the way. It was adorable, and the fact that he didn't quite agree with your assessment made it even more so. So you weren't that surprised to find him being hounded by a one month old kitten.

It became part of your morning routine. Beginning the day with cat photos was certainly a strong starting point, elevating your mood considerably. Practiced and posed, elegant photos of a quickly growing kitten graced your eyes, preparing you for a day filled with Wanderers, no doubt.

But Sylus' texts weren't the only ones you look forward to.

The moment Sylus stepped foot inside the manor in the N109 Zone, Luke and Kieran immediately added you to a group chat where they sent you all the other... media that your partner vehemently refused to send you.

The first stream of texts were several photos and videos of Sylus using his evol to help him bathe the kitten, with the front of his shirt and his hair already soaked.

And another one, a few days later which you assumed was taken from outside his bedroom window, of Sylus with his eyes closed, fingers digging deep into his biceps as Sofia and Mephisto were seemingly having an intense argument (the last photo in that set was Sylus directly looking at the window while streaks of red and black were lashing alarmingly close to the camera).

Many more photos of Sylus asleep either on his office or living room couch, fast asleep in the way you know he liked, with a cat sprawled directly on his stomach happily dozing the day away.

Kieran sent a photo of Sofia wearing a frilled collar decked out with sparkling rubies. The caption read: this cost more than six months of my salary (¬_¬")

You stifled a laugh, sending a quick reply before Captain Jenna caught you using your phone in the middle of your work hours.

You mean your allowance?

We don't get an allowance!, came the indignant reply seconds later. You get an allowance.

You grinned before sending him a crow emoji.

Your favorite one, however, was of Sylus frowning over what Luke said to be a legal document, the insult of having to read such a mediocre piece of legality plastered openly on his face all the while having a fluffy cat laying belly down on top of his snowy hair. It quickly became your phone wallpaper.

Mm. It has been a week since you last visited, and Jenna has been not so subtly pestering you to take some leave (it wasn't your fault you were a workaholic, but Jenna didn't want to hear it).

So that was that.

-0-

The sun was setting when you reached the manor, a large bag of groceries in one hand and a parcel on the other. The twins made quick work with the groceries the moment you stepped in, most likely because they knew you bought that new candy bar from Linkon City that they've been raving about for weeks.

You tried to not be too loud, as you knew Sylus would be asleep during this time of day. Soft footsteps padded on the polished hardwood floor

You remembered the first time you were given free reign to explore the manor, the amount of times you got lost amongst its many rooms, its many corridors. It used to feel so cold to you, so vast and cavernous even with the plush furniture and expensive art. No matter how many hours you've spent in front of one of the fireplaces in the many sitting rooms, no matter how many plushies you added to the bedroom he designated for you, no matter how many times you tried to make it feel like home.

It wasn't until that one night, more than a year ago now, that you felt the frost slowly dissipating. It wasn't anything special, just the two of you in the kitchen, trying to figure out what to make for dinner as the chef called in sick.

You didn't figure him being the type to know how to cook, seeing as he commanded his own business empire, but he was more than adequate. Still, you weren't about to let him do all the work. You were eating, too.

It was a mess, mostly because you two kept bickering about the recipe - with you being too stubborn to yield and him thoroughly enjoying the look of competitive frustration on your face. It wasn't fair that his reach was longer than yours, and even with your training, you couldn't take the recipe book that he held up in the air.

Cursing your hunter's training for a lack of a decent vertical jump, you landed a little bit wrong, a little to farther back than you anticipated. You remembered the surprised look on both of your faces and the sudden swishes of the black and red of his evol. A lot of cursing, a lot of pulling, and suddenly both you and him were on the floor covered in flour.

You barely registered the snickers of two voices by the doorway, didn't register the clicks and shutters of multiple photos being taken, and definitely didn't register immediately that you were on him, straddling him as the bag of flour rested on the top of your head (and yes, you still do remember the way his large hands rested protectively on your hips, which explained why you were on his lap rather than having a broken tailbone with an impact with the floor).

You two dusted yourself quickly, still bickering but with less heat, you decided to just order pizza all the while the two of you trailed flour on the floor.

It's a nice memory, one that you've come back to whenever you arrive here. And you were sure Sylus thought of it often too, considering the fact that he gives you a teasing look whenever you were in proximity of a bag of flour.

You basked in that warmth as you threaded the corridors, taking your time to get to the west wing to get to his bedroom. Opening the door as quietly as you can, you peeked it, smiled when you were met with a small mew.

Sofia laid at the foot of the bed, her tiny head raised in greeting. You shuffled in, careful to not make any noise. The parcel you carried was placed on the sofa as you secured the curtains, knowing full well that Sylus would be annoyed to wake up to open curtains.

You turned, smiled as you watched your partner just doze on the massive bed, hair mussed and squished to one side. Gone was the look of tension that he often had, the stress he carried momentarily held at bay. Taking off your coat, you moved to the bed, careful to not nudge too hard.

With one hand you patted the tiny cat's head just before you crawled beneath the covers, sighing when a strong arm reached out to wrap around your waist.

You let yourself get pulled into his warmth, get pulled into the safe and comfortable. With the utmost tenderness, you placed soft kisses on his bare chest, on his neck before nuzzling in.

It was still pretty early, you thought as the sleep was slowly overtaking you. A few hours wouldn't hurt. So long as it was with him.

Sylus woke an hour later, ruby eyes still bleary, and yet he was pleased to find himself being sandwiched by the two kittens in his life. He smiled that rare smile that was only reserved for you and sighed.

Maybe keeping the cat was a boon after all.

---

Listen. Sylus' Tender Curve has me in shackles.

Check out my masterlist for more Sylus fluff!

[twodimensionalboyfriend]

Sick </3

wc: ~1.3k read time: ~5 minutes

༉‧₊˚.¸♡ master list✧ '*•༉

cw: fluff! smooches here and there i guess! gn throughout! also not proofread lol

I have fucking covid!! my bones are on fire!!!

on a serious note, i have never been sick like this before in my life, i had the worst skin and joint aches i'd ever had in my life and my head felt like it was going to explode with pressure and my ears are still fuckin clogged. so anyways im gonna project my problems into this fic in the order in which i experienced them as a form of therapy and if anybody else is out there sick rn, i hope you have a jason todd to make it bearable!

On a silly note, I met a stray cat in the neighborhood the other day but she's been spayed! im hoping this is the cat distribution system at play

"You've gotta be fucking kidding me," you groaned.

You're sitting on the couch trying to convince your boyfriend that you're not sick. It's just allergies! Allergies that come with body aches, pressure in your head, and now a fever.

Jason showed you the thermometer, "Dude, you're running at 100.1..."

You looked at the thermometer incredulously, "Isn't that thing super old? I mean how do we even know it still works? Take it again."

Jason sighed and scanned your forehead again, "Babe, we bought this a couple months ago." He glared at you as he showed you the thermometer again, which now read 100.2.

"Tch, that's barely even a fever," you said rolling your eyes.

"That's it. You're going on bed rest."

"Woah, what?? Jason, I told you I'm fine! Besides I have so much to do today. We need groceries, I have a prescription to pick up, there are so many dishes in the sink, I have laundry to fold and I have work this evening. A little cold isn't... what are you doing?" You cut yourself off as you saw Jason typing on his phone.

"Thanks for the to-do list! While you rest, I'll go and get this done. Grocery list is on the fridge and our pharmacy is in the store, so text me if you need anything else. I am more than capable of doing dishes and laundry, so you don't have to worry about that. And I love you, but you're crazy if you think you're going into work tonight. Text your boss a picture of the thermometer and call out. Or I'll do it for you, whatever you prefer."

"Ar-Are you sure? I mean it's..." You trailed off. You really did feel like shit and it's not like you necessarily wanted to do these errands and chores. After a moment of thinking, you sighed and relented, "Okay, fine, only if you're completely sure you can handle it."

"(Y/N), I'm an adult. If I couldn't do laundry, you should be worried about me." You tried to laugh a little, but it quickly snowballed into a coughing fit, "Woah woah, take it easy. I'm gonna take the list and go to the store. Again, text me if you need anything or if you just wanna say hi," he said with a smile.

Your eyes welled up a bit as you whispered, "Thank you, Jason. I love you very much."

"I love you too, I'll be back soon."

--------

The front door swung open and Jason's voice rang through your shared apartment, "Honey, I'm home!"

You couldn't have gotten up if you tried. You're sickly moan from the couch alarmed Jason, and he dropped the groceries and ran to your side.

You were lying on the couch in your spiderman sweats and a hoodie; your arms draped over your eyes to block out the white lights from the kitchen that added to your headache. Your entire body ached like it never has before. The sight squeezed Jason's heart. "Oh, honey," he said sympathetically, pressing his hands to your cheeks, "Woah, you are burning up! Hang on." He snatched the thermometer from the coffee table and tested his partner. The screen lit up red. It read 101.7.

You mumbled, "H-Holy shit..." It was a bit too much to talk right now.

"Okay babe, I got you some chicken noodle soup because that's what Alfred always made us, and I don't quite have his cooking skills--and this is, uh from a uh... a can--but I'm gonna make some for you, and that should hopefully make you feel better," he looked at you with worry. "Then would you want to watch Pride & Prejudice while I folded the laundry? The movie obviously, since you like it. Even though the show is better," he grumbled at the end.

God damn it. You were crying again.

You were experiencing so many different emotions you didn't really know what else to do. You loved Jason so much and felt so much gratitude for the way he was taking care of you. As if there was nothing else he could possibly be doing right now other than be here. This is on top of the fact that you've been in agony for the past hour as you got worse and worse; and you were really tired of feeling that way.

This shocked and scared Jason, "I'm sorry!! The movie isn't that bad! I just like that the show's more accurate to the book! Also, when Lizzie runs through the rain, why does she grab a soaking wet cloth from the very same rain storm to dry her hair?! I'm sorry I just--"

"I love you so much," you croaked out. "I also feel like fucking garbage."

This put Jason at ease and he kissed the top of your head. "I'm sorry you feel like shit, sweetheart. I do this because I love you too. Like, a lot. Now stop talking and spare your voice. Let's get you cozy and hopped up on vitamin C, and we'll just take it easy."

-----------------

The next morning, you woke up. You sat up slowly and realized most of the pressure in your head is gone. Your body no longer felt like it was on fire! Definitely still congested though. You also realized you fell asleep on the couch after the first proposal, yet you were currently sitting in your bed. Jason must've brought you in. Suddenly, a sneeze crept up and exploded out of you. Then another. Then one more. Jesus, that hurt your chest.

Your fit was loud enough to let Jason know you had woken up. He came into the room holding a spatula. The opened door let in a sweet smell and a sizzling sound. "How are you feeling, baby?" He walked towards you.

"Well I can bear to be conscious, so I'd say much better. What's going on in the kitchen?"

He pressed his hand to your forehead and said, "Pancakes! And lots of orange juice. I don't think you’re in the clear yet. Sit tight; I'm gonna get the thermometer and take your temperature."

Ignoring his request, you got up to meet him in the living room. You stepped out of the bedroom and was met with the sight of Jason discarding the pancake that had burned due to his doting. He saw you walking towards him and urged you to go back to bed, "Go back! I'm gonna bring you breakfast in bed. Pancakes, juice, fruit, the whole shebang."

"No it's okay, let me be out here with you. I'd kiss you good morning, but I fear I might poison you and get you sick."

Jason stole a quick kiss, much to your surprise, "I spent all night with you. If I were to get it, I don't think a kiss would be what seals my fate. You're plate is ready, by the way."

He handed you a plate stacked with 3 pancakes and a butter slice, drizzled in maple syrup with strawberries and whipped cream. It was beautiful, "Oh my god, Jason, that's so gorgeous I don't think I can eat it." Your stomach growled and promptly gave away your true feelings.

"Tear it up, baby girl."

You sat down as Jason finished making his stack. He sat down with you and you both began eating. Pre-packaged pancake mix has never tasted so good.

"Thank you for nursing me back to health, Jason. You've made this past few days in unbearable hell feel more like a manageable limbo."

He laughed, "What else was I supposed to do? Let the love of my life suffer?"

"God I don't know what I would do if I didn't have you in my life."

"Well, fortunately, you'll never have to." He leaned over the table and pressed a syrupy kiss to your lips.

if there are an content warnings you think i missed, please tell me so!! i’ll add them to this post and remember to add them to future ones!! :) ♡ ♡

and pls pls like and reblog and reply!! literally if you interact i will kiss you on the mouth

[tiredfox64]

I already sent this ask but accidentally sent it before I could fully type it out, I apologize 💀

But I was wondering if you could write a Lin Kuei x reader where she finds a stray kitten outside and takes it in to nurse it back to health. She probably keeps the kitten hidden in her room. Tomas probably finds out about it first and she’s just like “please don’t tell Bi-Han” So the two of them help raise the kitten and try to keep it a secret from Kuai Liang and Bi-Han.

Thank you 🩶💛💙

Calico Critters

Yip notes: No need to apologize! Ah yes, the cat distribution system is working just right. It been working for me for years

Pairings: Lin Kuei Bros x Afab reader

Warnings‼️: I hope you’re not allergic to cats

You’ve always wanted to own a pet of your own. It didn’t matter if it was a shaggy dog or a wimpy tortoise. You wanted to love and care for something when the world could not give it to them. But your family was not big on owning pets. They would tell you they were too much responsibility and cost a lot of money which you understood. You thought you would have a chance to care for an animal when you were an adult but that hope dwindled quickly. Bi-Han would not allow you to be distracted by even a moss ball. Unless that pet was a powerful stallion, you weren't getting anything.

But the universe doesn’t listen to Bi-Han. The universe gives when the time is right and that time is now. It is your destiny and right to own a pet. And what better way to start your loving journey than with the sweet love and attitude of a kitty cat.

══💤══╡°˖✧🦊✧˖°╞══💤══

You just finished practicing for the day, the winds pricking your skin even with how hot you were. If you stay outside for any longer you’ll risk getting arthritis in your joints. And boy is that hell in the winter and summertime.

You were stopped by a sound that you thought was the wind at first. A squeaking that was unfamiliar to you. There was nothing in Artika that could make that sound. Not even a seal would make this high-pitched squeaking noise. You followed the direction of the noise, bringing you closer to a fern bush. You moved the leaves out of the way and came across interesting colors. Orange, black, and white with a pair of green eyes. Oh my goodness, it’s a kitten! The poor thing was shivering and being pushed by the wind. It seemed to be alone. There was no mother cat around or even any siblings. This one might have been the runt of the litter.

“Oh, you poor thing.” You said softly as you lightly picked up the kitten in your hands.

It, or more like she since this was clearly a calico, immediately started nuzzling in your hand to gain some warmth. You couldn’t do much since your hands were starting to freeze as well but it was better than the rough ground and thin ferns. You started looking around to see if there was anyone else around. There were luckily none to see what you were about to do. You moved your uniform around to find a spot to stuff the kitten into. The only place that worked was your chest area. You let the kitten snuggle up against your uniform as you started making your way inside.

Your arms were crossed over your chest area as you took quick steps toward your room. It didn’t matter if someone had something to ask you or was asking if you were alright, you had to get this kitten somewhere safe. You had to ignore Bi-Han as well. That was a risky choice, you know how much that man hates when no one listens to him. There were other things on your mind.

Finally, you got back inside your warm room and let the kitten out. She was still shivering but it reduced. You grabbed the softest blanket you had before rolling her up in it. She was like a burrito in the softest tortilla ever. The squeaking sound she produced ceased and she finally opened her eyes fully since there was no snow pelting them.

They were as green as the fern you took her from. Her irises were not slit but like big orbs. There was already a connection made. You are her savior, her new mother. This world is too cruel for such a pure being to live in. You must protect and keep this calico. She needs you. If you try giving her to another family you’ll break her heart.

Have I guilted you enough?

Screw Bi-Han and his rules! You’re keeping her. You just need to keep her hidden. Good luck with that.

══💤══╡°˖✧🦊✧˖°╞══💤══

Your family was right, pets are a big responsibility. You had no issue with getting supplies for your kitty like litter, toys, and food. But goodness that little mouth can be loud.

Meow! Meow! Meow!

She never stops. Her mind is too small and fragile to realize that she is creating sound herself. She speaks but is there truly meaning behind her words? No. Her brain functions but not fully. It will still be a while before she can comprehend that she has control over her mouth. For now, she will scream for the gods to listen to her cries. Or she will just scream at you to feed her more fish.

You tried bottle-feeding her some formula to help calm her down. It works for a little before she screams. She drinks, she enjoys, she screams. What more does she want, she doesn’t even understand trigonometry. Why is she having a crisis?

Meow! Meow! Meow!

Tomas stopped walking in the hallway. His eyebrows furrowed in confusion. Why did he hear a high-pitched meow coming from your room? What are you doing in there?

He walked closer to the door and placed his ear against it. He heard you speaking to someone, saying that they needed to quiet down and that no one could find out about them. There were more meows after that. He’s not going to wait for the answer to hit him in the face. He’s gonna investigate this for himself.

“What is that noise?” Tomas asked as he opened the door. His eyes widened once he saw something in a blanket and a bottle in your hand.

There is no easy way to explain this. You slowly turned around to show the colorful kitty in your arms. It was a relief to Tomas to see that you weren’t holding a baby but it’s still confusing. He was about to ask you why you have a kitten but you already started begging.

“Please don’t tell Bi-Han. You know he’ll tell me to get rid of her and I just can’t do that. Just look at her.” You held up the kitty burrito in front of Tomas.

“Where did you find a cat? When did you bring it here?” There were a thousand questions running through Tomas’ head but he did take a moment to look at her.

For once she quieted down. Her big, green eyes looked into Tomas’ soul. Those eyes were begging him not to snitch. They beg him to love her, care for her, to be a father to her. You were right, Bi-Han would tell you to get her out. Her small size or pure eyes would not win over his heart as it was doing with Tomas’ at that moment. Her little paws began clawing out of the blanket before stretching them to the sky. Her paws spread out and he could see the light pink toe beans that were so tempting to squish. Ah, it’s just too cute!

“You still need to tell me how you found it.” He reminded you.

You gave him all the details. You told him how you found her, what you did after, when you got all the supplies, and how long you’ve had her. You’ve only had her for a week and she’s beginning to desire more solids. You’ve been taking some of your fish from dinner and bringing it back to your room to feed her. Somehow no one has noticed until this point. You were doing well, she’s just a loudmouth.

“You seem to have your hands full. It’s like you became a mother overnight.” He joked.

She started taking big, wobbly steps on your bed. She climbs over the lumps in your sheets with determination. Her wobbly legs carried her to Tomas who was resting on your bed as you relayed everything to him. She screams and she is heard. Tomas laughs a little before trying to pet her. For some reason, she falls and begins to roll off the bed. He panics, rightfully so, as he tries to catch her in his big hands.

“Nooo, why would she do that?” He asked like he was truly heartbroken. He might have actually been heartbroken.

“She’s dramatic.” You replied.

Now she’s purring in his hands like she didn’t just cause him to have a heart attack. His thumb lightly pet her head and flicks her ears back and forth.

“Wait, did you even name her? You never once mentioned a name?” He pointed out.

“I was more concerned about hiding her than naming her. But I guess now would be a good time to think of a name.”

You two sat there for a good few minute trying to think of a name for this little scoundrel. This rapscallion who lies upon Tomas’ hands and receives pets from him. What to name a unique creature like her?

“How about Ionnah? I think it’s unique just like her.” Tomas suggested.

“Ionnah, huh? That sounds cool! I love that for her. Ionnah it is.”

She was already getting used to the name considering her head perked up once you repeated it. Now this secret lies with you and Tomas. You two are responsible for her. You both must hide her and care for her. Congrats, you have become cat parents.

══💤══╡°˖✧🦊✧˖°╞══💤══

She was easier to manage with the help of Tomas. He brought her more food and since he had more freedom to leave he took the time to get cat food for Ionnah. He even started to teach her to be a hunter like him. And by teaching that means letting her chase a cat toy in the shape of a mouse. Yup, that’s a lethal predator right there. She’ll be taking down some of the clansmen in no time.

But you two could not be more obvious. You do realize Kuai Liang sees all, right? You can’t hide anything from that man he will always get suspicious of something. He’s been seeing you both whisper to each other and giggle about stuff before sneaking into your room. Tomas always shuts the door quickly and locks it. Are you two…dating?!

Oh nah, he needs to know now. Why would his brother hide anything like that from him? He doesn’t like that at all. Kuai Liang kept a close eye on Tomas, almost mad dogging him until he would say something. It didn’t work because you and Tomas weren’t dating. You’re just parenting together which could be like dating if you fancy that.

Ah whatever, Kuai Liang needs to sharpen his kusarigama. And you both need to figure out WHERE THE FUCK YOU LEFT IONNAH!

“I didn’t realize I left the door slightly open. I was so tired after that mission.” You were crying into Tomas’ arms after you couldn’t find Ionnah.

“It’s going to be alright. We’ll find her. She couldn’t have gotten far with those tiny legs of hers.” He tried soothing you before taking your hand to look around the temple.

Ionnah was on a journey of her own. She may be small but she is mighty. She was looking around for some extra food since you and Tomas figured out you were feeding her fish multiple times a day without knowing. She likes her carp. But her green eyes saw something else that she was interested in and her slit pupils became wide.

She saw the rope that was connected to Kuai Liang’s kusarigama. The other end with the kunai on it was hanging off the table, the rope occasionally waving when Kuai Liang would move it to sharpen the other side. Those hunting practices Tomas was giving her kicked in and she bolted toward the rope with her claws out. She pounced on it, sinking her claws into it. She is so light that Kuai Liang didn’t feel anything pulling on his weapon. He only noticed something was wrong when he heard you sniffling near the doorway. Tomas’ eyes were angled down in shock as he was unsure of what to do to not make Kuai Liang look down.  Ah, too late he just did. That was when he noticed the furball made of white, black, and orange gnawing at his rope.

“Huh? How did that get here?” He questioned before leaning down and grabbing her by the back of the neck.

She immediately let go of the rope in response to the grab. Kuai Liang lifted her up to his face to get a better look. She looked perfectly healthy, too healthy to have just strolled into the Lin Kuei temple. Something ain’t connecting. He looked past Ionnah to see Tomas coming towards him with his hands out as if asking to pass her to him.

“Can we have her back please?” Tomas asked softly like that would stop Kuai Liang from asking questions.

“Explain.” He said bluntly.

“Okay.”

You went over what happened again. You added on the fact that you begged Tomas not to say anything and he agreed to help you take care of Ionnah. All the while she continuously purrs in Kuai Liang’s lap as he pets her. She loves how warm he is. He’s like a sentient toasty blanket to her.

“I agree that Bi-Han would have told you to get rid of her. I would have agreed with him but now I see that she has not caused any distractions in your two. You both have been training still and doing missions. She has caused no issues.” Kuai Liang said as he looked down at her.

“So you won’t tell Bi-Han?” You wanted to double-check.

“No, I will not. But you might need extra help seeing that this slip up of yours could have gone wrong if she made her way to Bi-Han. I would like to help out. Plus, she is adorable.” He smiled softly as he smoothed out her fur.

This was awesome! Three parents for this little lady. One who is a 24/7 warm blanket for her, one who is constantly playing with her, and one who is a mother at all hours of the day. She is surrounded by so much love and warmth. Hopefully, no bitter cold will envelop her again.

══💤══╡°˖✧🦊✧˖°╞══💤══

You three have spent a lot of time in your room now. Every day after dinner you all go to your room to spend time with Ionnah. Every time the door opens she gets up from where she is and runs up to you while meowing. Her eyes are like boba every time she looks at you and her tail waves back and forth. She is that boost of serotonin that you all need.

Other than her mouse toy, Kuai Liang has figured out she loves rope. She loves climbing it and gnawing at it. He got her some rope that didn’t have sharp pieces of metal at both ends. She’ll start getting the zoomies when Tomas and Kuai Liang start playing with her. She will switch between the rope and the mouse before doing circles. You’d be there laughing at her cute antics. She’s gotten bigger and stronger since you first found her shivering in the cold. It warms your heart to see her enjoying her life with so much love around her. This is a better life than being stuck outside.

You’re still too suspicious. It’s the same thing except Bi-Han has noticed now. He notices how there are more whispers between you, Tomas, and Kuai Liang. He’s seen you all rush into your room. Though he didn’t come to the same conclusion Kuai Liang did, he was still suspicious. He believed the issue was in your room and he was right. That’s why he made you three go out on a mission so he could snoop around your room.

You were concerned about leaving Ionnah alone since Tomas and Kuai Liang would be with you. But Kuai Liang told you to lock the door and there would be no problems. He or his brother could help unlock the door once you guys get back. You thought that would be reasonable so you accepted the mission from Bi-Han. You did what you were instructed and locked the door. But do you think a lock will stop your grandmaster? Never.

When you guys left he immediately made his way towards your room. Of course, the door was locked but Bi-Han was quick to think of a solution. He made a pick made of hard ice to jam into the doorknob and it worked like a charm. He opened the door and Ionnah thought it was her parents. She leaped off your bed and began running towards the door until she saw Bi-Han. Her ears immediately folded down as she backed up. Her tail went down and she made that whining noise to alert that she did not feel safe. He is not her father.

Bi-Han’s eyebrows furrow in frustration as he watches her give him warning signs. She sure had an attitude.

“A calico…interesting…”

“How could this happen again?” You started crying.

When you three came back and Kuai Liang tried to pick the lock he realized it was already unlocked. You three couldn’t find Ionnah anywhere. Not under the sheets, the bed, in the closet, under the dresser, or even in the drawers. You all ripped your room apart and could not find her anywhere.

“Do you think she could have snuck outside?” Tomas asked Kuai Liang.

“That is impossible, she hates the cold. She would not willingly go outside even to chase after us. She has to be in the temple still.” He said.

You all scattered around the place trying to find even a hint of her. There was no fur anywhere to hint at her being in a certain area. She did not respond to her name or even pspspsps. No meows or screams from her. You all met up in the middle again and none of you had any good news. But that’s when Tomas noticed something strange. He pointed to the fish pieces on the floor. There was a path of them all leading to…Bi-Han’s office! Oh gosh, he found her!

You three burst into his office expecting him to be holding Ionnah captive. Instead, you saw her lying on his desk while he worked on some paperwork. He sees he has to order more fish for the clan. Ionnah immediately picked her head up and jumped off his desk to run up to you. You picked her up and gave her many kisses, thanking the gods for keeping her safe surprisingly.

“I expect to hear that your mission was completed,” Bi-Han said casually.

You all were shocked. It was like he didn’t notice the kitten that was once on his desk.

“Brother, are you not going to ask-“

“Ask about the cat that you have been hiding away even though I told you that you were not allowed to own any pets,” Bi-Han said with a clear attitude.

You looked down all guiltily even though you have proven to be able to take care of a kitten. Tomas and Kuai Liang were not happy with their brother and his cruel tone. They were still confused about why he even had her in the room. He was ready to answer that though.

“I was wondering where the runt of the litter was. I was surprised to see it was a calico since they are rare. She does not look like her mother but she does have her fluffy coat.”

This confused you more until Bi-Han got up and walked over to a corner of his office. That’s when you notice the sort of fort made from blankets. He lifted one of the corners to show a bunch of kittens and one cat. That’s Ionnah’s family! She really was the runt of the litter!

You all got a closer look and saw that the mother was a Serbian cat with light gray fur. Her babies seemed to be a mix of Serbian and Russian blues. Some had darker fur while others had lighter fur. What they all had in common was the mother’s fluffy fur that was well-kept and her green eyes. Yup, that’s definitely Ionnah’s mother. Bi-Han placed the blanket back over to allow them to rest.

So Bi-Han was the one who took the rest of the family in? Who would have thought! Not even his brothers would have guessed that. What was he supposed to do, leave them out there to freeze to death? He can be evil and cruel but he’s not a monster. If he can manage a clan he can also manage a litter of kittens. There is enough fish to go around even for Ionnah which was the only way he could get her to leave your room. She would not allow his cold hands to pick her up.

“But I thought we weren’t allowed to have pets.”

“You are not allowed to have pets but I am allowed. I’m the grandmaster, it is my choice. Plus, they are useful when it comes to getting rid of mice.” The second point makes sense but the first is bitchy of Bi-Han.

“So…does that mean you are keeping Ionnah for yourself?” You asked in a sad tone, thinking Bi-Han would keep her for himself since he is the only one allowed to have pets around here.

“Why would I keep her when she does not allow me to touch her? There is no point. You can keep her but remember she belongs to the Lin Kuei.” It’s important that he adds in that last part.

You were extremely relieved to hear that and so were Tomas and Kuai Liang. That means Ionnah is still yours and you all get to do whatever with her. She can live with you and have other cats to spend time with if she chooses to. She’ll get all the fish she wants and if there are any mice around that’s an extra treat. Good thing Tomas was already training her. She’ll be the best mice hunter the Lin Kuei has ever had!

Yap notes: Speaking of cats here's my co-writer who sometimes distracts me:

Also I do have calico critters that my bestie gifted me for Christmas which I gifted her a cat set as well:

Also that card in the middle was cause i didn’t wanna put a divider or do a transition cause i got lazy and I just want more of my ice cream cake. Adiós!

[imawholeassmood]

What's in a Name

"Oh rao, I can't believe it." Kara works to contain her excitement as she nears the tiny shadowy figure stalking her in the unkempt grass outside her apartment. "This is really happening," she squeaks, "the cat distribution system has finally picked me."

The little void peers up at her with mischievous green eyes, it's backside wriggling with anticipation. Kara crouches and waits for the impending attack.

It comes with a burst of energy that burns hot and fast, then fizzles just as quickly as the black cat halts it's attack and stares at Kara with all the regret and panic of a teenage girl who just told her best friend she's in love with her. Not wanting to scare the cat, Kara hesitates, but the thought of this little cutie spending another minute on the streets compels her to scoop it into her arms and promptly rub her nose into its face.

"Right," she says and holds the cat at arms length, a quizzical gaze on its face. "Bath first."

***

Kara takes care to get the water temperature just right. Scratchy does not appreciate the effort. Claws scrape against her skin as Shadow fights against her, desperate to escape the soapy water. Kara hadn't actually found any fleas on Toothless during her physical exam to evaluate the cat's condition, and for that, she was grateful. She couldn't stand the idea of this baby being in any worse condition. A little prick digs into her finger and she mumbles, "ok, not Toothless."

She rinses the last of the suds and begins to wipe Bones with a towel. While the fight may have ended, Kara can't help but think it's a temporary reprieve, if the look on Merlin's face tells her anything. Those green eyes bite through her, clearly plotting revenge. Kara thinks it might be a good night for an all night movie marathon.

She wraps a dry towel around the still scowling cat and a tiny paw pokes out of the opening near its head, trapped like it got stuck mid escape. A disappointed huff let's out from the wet nose and Kara giggles at the adorableness.

"Here," she says," let me help you with that." She works to tuck the paw in the towel but not before dropping a kiss on the pink toe beans. "Beans," she tests the name. The cat throws a scowl at her. "Well if you have a name you prefer, feel free to share it."

The cat meows at her, and it draws a laugh from Kara whose whole body relaxes and swells with love. She drops a kiss on the furry forehead.

"I'll work on my pronunciation."

***

With Noodle cleaned and dried and now hiding under Kara's bed, licking herself to perfection, Kara works on preparing what amounts to a small buffet for each of them. She sets the takeout boxes on the table for herself and a plate of various wet and dry cat foods on the floor for Zephyr.

"Dinner's ready," she calls out, then wonders if she should take the plate to the bedroom instead. Building trust with cats sent by the universe can take time, and Kara's mind spirals with thoughts of what horrors Anubis might have endured while living on the streets. She's halfway to planning Calypso's catio to ease the transition from rugged outdoor cat to spoiled house cat when she spots the dark figure lurking along the wall. Kara freezes.

She debates her best course of action - does she offer her hand with a pspsps or do nothing? They stare at each other. After a moment where nothing happens, Kara averts her eyes, sending her gaze to the ceiling where she spots a spider in the corner. Great she thinks, let's hope Raven doesn't have an appetite for arachnids.

Kara's pulled from her thoughts by crunching near her feet. She sneaks a peak and sees Shuri ferociously air chomping a mouthful of dry food. A face-splitting grin splashes across her face.

After watching Potsticker test each of the offerings, finishing all but two samples, Kara once again attempts to build rapport.

"You don't have any allergies do you?"

Xena cocks her head and looks at her. Kara swears if this cat were human, there'd be a quirked brow to go along with that look.

"You're very expressive," she muses. "I wonder what you're thinking."

Unice meows at her, and Kara wishes she spoke cat.

***

She's struggling to stay focused on the movie with Ripley hiding away somewhere in her apartment. Kara hasn't seen the cat for hours and worries the progress she thought she made at dinner might have just been her hopeful imagination.

By the time breakfast rolls around, Kara's convinced Peony is plotting to kill her. Neither of them slept. Kara kept an eye out with her x-ray vision and noticed Nala spent the entire night exploring, poking and prodding with her pink-toed mitts at every window, door, latch, hatch, or moving part that might lead to a way out of the apartment. Every few hours, Jynx would check on Kara, looking almost annoyed to find her awake and looking back.

Kahlua's nowhere to be found when Kara's ready to head out to CatCo. She unlocks the door and calls out, "I'll be back soon, Calliope."

A flash of black streaks across the room and knocks into Kara's legs as soon as the door cracks open. Kara catches herself and stumbles into the hallway. Mittens is running around the hall, knocking into door after door. At the end of the hall, she stops in front of the elevator, looks it up and down, then turns back to Kara.

Little Yoda's ribs vibrate with heavy puffs and her eyes are wide. Kara approaches her slowly.

"It's ok, Izzy," she purrs. "I'm not going to hurt you."

Green eyes dart around. As if realizing there's nowhere to go, the fight leaves her.

"I know you're scared," Kara says, "this is a new place and we're still getting to know each other. But, if you'll give me a chance," she swallows, "I promise you will never again know a day without love."

The look on Dotty's face softens and it melts Kara's heart. The cat looks back at the elevator one more time before walking towards Kara. Grace, with all her regal elegance, brushes against Kara's ankle. It's the greatest moment of Kara's life.

***

"What is that?" Alex asks when Kara arrives at the DEO.

"This," Kara says, straightening herself and hooking her thumbs behind the shoulder straps at her chest, "is Griffin." The name is met with an immediate meow of objection. Kara looks down at the cat strapped to her chest then looks back up to Alex. "We're still deciding on a name."

***

It goes like that for a week with Kara toting the cat around with her. Bumblebee tries to run away at least once a day and continues to deny Kara's ideas for names. The day Dino curls up with Kara while an episode of Golden Girls plays on television is the day Kara thinks her heart might explode out of her chest.

With Athena's head buried in the crook of her neck, Kara strokes gently along her side.

"I love you, Tess," she breathes into black fur. A soft thrum purrs against her.

***

Kara enters the DEO panicked and sick with fear.

"She's gone, Alex," she manages to say through garbled, teary heaves. "I have to find her."

"Who?" Alex says and squeezes Kara's arms both to steady her and calm her.

"Ma'am's," Vasquez interrupts, "you might want to see this." She holds out a remote and turns on a television.

A news report shows an aerial view of a glass skyscraper with a large "L" emblazoned on the face. The ticker reads "Missing CEO found safe."

Before Alex or Kara can ask, a commotion stirs near the door. Agents scurry and someone yells, "you can't go in there."

Alex straightens herself to face the approaching party and sets a hand on her hip holster.

Kara wipes tears from her soaked cheeks.

A woman with alabaster skin, jet black hair, and deep red lips marches straight towards her. The tailored black suit commands the attention of every pair of eyes. Pale pink heels clack against the linoleum. Kara swallows the lump in her throat.

The woman stops inches before Kara, uncaring of the weapons pointed at her. Green eyes bore into Kara.

At long last, red lips curl into a smirk and a strong eyebrow quirks. She moves her head next to Kara's, so close Kara can feel the warmth of her breath against her ear when she purrs the words, "my name is Lena."

[verysium]

ACT 1, SCENE 2: blue lock headcanons

nagi found out amazon product testers were a real thing, and he had never been more happy in his entire life. if he wasn't training to become a professional football player, that would have been his dream job.

sae became a victim of the cat distribution system the moment he moved to spain. he left his window open once, and he came back to a whole secret society of strays on his fire escape.

aryu used to watch his mother do her makeup in the bathroom every morning. after she left for work, he would use her hair curlers and nail polish to bedazzle himself. if you ever ask him to do your makeup, he would tilt your chin up with one hand and ever so gently swipe on your lipstick for you.

kaiser is a whore for attention, even if it is bad attention. if you're not listening to him during dinner, he would most definitely steal the food right off your plate whilst maintaining eye contact. gives you the most shit-eating grin once you catch him.

rin genuinely cannot function around the female species. sometimes his aunties make small talk during family gatherings, and he just sits awkwardly with his baby cousin in his arms. the baby almost always cries.

sae still uses his ipod from 2005. he doesn't have any interest in music, so he mostly uses it as a white noise filler during long flights. if you send him a song recommendation though, he will listen to it.

rin kept a diary as a teenager with some of the entries completely filled with angsty scribblings about sae. he definitely had an entire section somewhere dedicated to death and existentialism. the second half of his journal is reserved solely for you though. he sometimes doodles flowers in the margins.

raichi is chronically online. he would be the type to have an entire four-page argument with a stranger in the youtube comment section. sometimes you have to remind him that the outside world actually exists, and he needs to go outside and touch grass.

sae is secretly intrigued by artists. like how can you just transfer an image from your head onto paper? is it some sort of magic? he cannot wrap his mind around anything that isn't concrete and tangible. he sometimes walks through the streets of madrid just to spy on the old people painting the sea. if you made a drawing of him, he would internally malfunction.

isagi used to help his mother with knitting and sewing. he even learned how to crochet one summer but forgot all about it once he got into football. would not complain if you asked him to do laundry or iron clothes. he is (most of the time) very sweet and kind.

bachira does not have a sleep schedule. what is sleep? he only knows 24/7 hyperactivity and the demons under his bed. would wake you up at the crack of dawn just to go hang out in some random abandoned parking lot.

sae has to physically restrain himself whenever he does shoots for brand endorsements. he would definitely tell the truth if the product was low-quality while literally being on set for its commercial. this man does not lie. cannot model for the life of him. he lost his ability to smile a long time ago, and he feels viscerally ill every time a camera is shoved into his face. if you're there to accompany him though, he will straighten up and at least attempt to look enthusiastic.

rin is terrible at any sort of class that involves creative writing. however, he does enjoy reading haikus. it's the only form of poetry he can understand. definitely sends you one when he misses you.

reo is clueless whenever you tell him that you feel ugly in your outfit. like where is the ugliness? all he sees is the most stunning person in the world. definitely recommend taking him shopping. he would go into the fitting rooms with you and give you the most encouraging confidence boost you have ever felt.

sae has the strongest enamel in existence because he bites his popsicles right off the stick. rin tried to do that once and ended up getting brain freeze.

yukimiya is the type to go from 0 to 100 in less than a millisecond. if anyone says anything remotely negative about you, he will definitely make sure they do not live to see the light of day. he does all this with the most charming smile on his face too.

shidou has no table manners. he would be the messiest eater in existence. if the dining hall looks like a velociraptor just barraged through, you know shidou was there. he only uses a napkin because you told him to.

rin wears chelsea boots and women's clothing. he has a collection of trench coats in his closet, and they're one of the only things he's incredibly proud of. at least he beats sae when it comes to fashion sense.

ness would pack you lunch every day without you even asking for it. he also uses those glittery animal toothpicks and cuts your apples into hearts. his paper notes are little menacing though. usually it has your name written a thousand times in blood red ink.

sae would let you braid flowers into his hair, but he would wrinkle his nose in embarrassment if you ever took a picture of it. he tries to act nonchalant when you gush about how pretty he is because in his mind he looks incredibly stupid. will keep that photo by his bedside and look at it when he's lonely though.

isagi is incredibly clumsy. sometimes he will act like an egomaniac before falling right on his face. the world has an interesting way of humbling him. he does keep his mood swings in check when you're around though. your presence gives his mind inner peace.

otoya has color-coded folders for every girl he has dated. he keeps their names, likes, dislikes, and contacts all separately filed so he doesn't confuse them. however, on your night out, he got so caught up in talking to you, he forgot to even update your file. the date ended with him smiling like a damn fool. you're always the exception.

aiku is the type to just be casual about everything. he just got into a car accident while on call with you? that's okay because he got to hear your pretty voice on facetime. he took a tidal wave straight to the face while ogling you at the beach? that's no problem because he got a sneak-peek at your cute little bathing suit. this man literally has no sense of self-preservation when it comes to you.

bachira was the kid who tried to mix up weird concoctions at the school lunch table. now it translates into drinking both an energy drink and americano at once. you had to pull him away from the soda fountain because he kept trying to add every single drink combination possible into his red solo cup.

sae would blatantly stare at your ass and then tell you it was for research purposes. if you press further, he will pull up the statistics showing how buttock size correlates with athletic ability.

rin is obsessed with tea only because he saw his brother drink it at family dinners. he always sat up straight on the zabuton and sipped the bitter leaf juice as a way to impress the grown-ups. unfortunately for him, he developed a caffeine addiction in his late teens.

niko would be the tech-savvy person in your relationship. he doesn't believe in traditional flowers, so he codes you an entire HTML webpage with roses on the user interface. he also wholeheartedly believes that virtual pets are real pets.

shidou is an adrenaline junkie. he has six piercings, two of which are helix. he also snowboards during the winter and speeds on the highway for fun. (don't be like shidou, kids.)

© verysium 2023 / please do not translate, repost, or plagiarize any of my works

[alotofpockets]

The cat distribution system | Lucy Bronze x Reader

Where you find a stray kitten and try to convince your girlfriend to keep it.

Woso masterlist | Words: 1.1k

-----

You have seen plenty of “the cat distribution system” videos on your tiktok, people finding stray cats, or rather stray cats finding their people. Every time you saw one, you would show it to Lucy. Your wife was a dog person, while you were a cat person. So, where you thought the cute part was the cats, Lucy thought the cute part was your excitement.

Never had you thought that one day the cat distribution system would distribute a cat to you, but then on your morning run you saw something moving out of the corner of your eye. You slowed your run to check it out, and couldn't believe your eyes when it was a little orange tabby kitten.

Its meows were soft but high pitched as you knelt down beside it. “Hi little buddy, what are you doing out here all on your own?” Your heart melted at the way the kitten nudged its head into your hand. After a few careful pets, you lifted up the kitten and cuddled it close to your body. It instantly nestled into your warmth, and your heart melted even more.

“Let’s see if you have any friends around, little buddy.” You looked around the general area, but weren’t finding any sign of the kitten's parents or siblings. “Looks like you’re coming home with me for a bit.” 

You abandoned your morning run entirely, and went straight home. In your home office you set up some space for the little kitten. Some soft blankets, a bowl of water, and some cat food you got from your neighbours. 

On the other side of your office door Narla was busy sniffing around, trying to figure out what this new scent in your home was. “Oh hi sweetheart, I’ve brought a friend with me. I will introduce you two later.” You said while petting your dog. 

“Who did you bring with you?” Lucy’s curious voice sounded from the front door. You rush to hug your wife, as does Narla. “Hi baby, how was training?” She pecks your lips before she kneels down to pet Narla. “Training was good. Are you going to tell me who you brought with you or are we just completely ignoring that you just said that?” Your wife said with a smirk, fully knowing your tactics.

“You know how I always show you those videos of people finding stray cats?” Lucy’s eyes widened. “You did not.” 

“I did. It’s in my office.” Before Lucy could say something you continued. “It was out there all on its own, and it was cold. I took it with me to warm up, and was hoping you would come to the vet with me to check if it has a chip or something.” 

Lucy agreed and drove you to the vet right away. You sat in the passenger seat with the little kitten asleep in your arms, Lucy wouldn’t admit it to your face, but the moment warmed her heart. At the vet, they checked for a chip, and did not find one. Besides that they also did a full work up, it was a boy, and besides being a little underfed he was fine. The doctor gave the two of you a moment.

“Luce we can’t just leave it here and let him go to the animal shelter. Can we please take him home and find a proper placement for him ourselves? I want him to find a good home.” With your best puppy dog eyes you managed to convince her. When you told the vet, he sent you home with some supplies, after giving the kitten a vaccination.

It had been a couple of days since you had taken in the little kitten. Lucy had made you promise to not name the kitten, because you would get too attached. So of course you didn’t name it… outloud. In your head you had given the kitten a name the moment you decided to take it back home from the vet, little Toby Bronze.

Lucy had been kind of standoff-ish with Toby, but you didn’t expect anything else from your dog loving wife. That’s why you were surprised to find Toby cuddled up in your wife’s arms as they had both fallen asleep on the couch. You quickly snap a picture, mainly because the sight was adorable, but also for leverage. 

You had fully fallen for the tiny kitten, and it wasn’t until now that you had the slight hope that maybe Lucy had fallen for him too. There already wasn’t the argument that Narla wouldn’t get along with him, because they had been running around in your living room together from the moment you introduced the two of them together. 

At first you wanted to ask Lucy if you could keep Toby right away, but you thought it was best to give her some more time to bond with the kitten. You had been in charge of finding a new home for the kitten, but you had stopped responding to people who were interested in hopes of keeping Toby in your own home.

The one eventing you were laying cuddled into Lucy’s side on the couch, your head resting on her shoulder while a movie played on the TV. Narla was softly snoring with her head laying in Lucy’s lap. You heard the tiny taps of Toby’s feet coming closer, and smiled to yourself as you felt him jump onto the couch besides you. He found his place in your lap, walked in a couple of circles, and sat down. 

All of you sitting on the couch, was like your little family was complete for the time being. Both wanting kids in the future, but now your loved fluff balls were your family, and you loved it. Lucy reached out her hand and gave Toby a few pets over his head.

“You know, I’ve really enjoyed having him around.” Your focus on the movie was instantly shattered, was she saying what you thought she was saying. “What would you say we give him a forever home?” Tears welled in your eyes with excitement. “Really Luce?” 

She smiled and pecked your lips. “Really.” You hugged her tight, careful not to squish Narla and Toby. When you leaned back into her side to continue the movie Lucy said, “So what have you been calling him?” Of course she had known all along that you would get attached to the little orange tabby from the start. 

-----

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[softfem-dom]

IT ,, hybrid ! au ,, movie & book mix .

hybrid! bowers gang au x owner! female reader

synopsis : after taking in a stray cat that was scratching at your front door on a rainy night, you soon fall victim to the animal distribution system when your house is suddenly filled to the brink with barks, meows and hisses.

what will happen when those odd pets of yours turn out to be hybrids?

pets available ! 🧺🐚

[movie] patrick hockstetter / match .

teen ,, stray cat ,, unknown breed.

Match is the cat with pyromanic tendencies that you took in that rainy day when you heard him meowing and scratching at your front door. +"clingy" , +"troublesome" , +"agressive" , +"unhinged" , +"arsonist". ⚠warnings: *keep away from fire, matches, lighters or any source that might be flammable. *lock bathroom door if you don't want him to come in while you're showering and meow for your attention. *keep all glass objects (bottles, glasses, vases) away from reach or he will break them.

[movie/book] henry bowers / fangs .

teen ,, farm / domestic dog ,, scottish collie

Fangs is the beautiful big farm dog that showed up only a day later after the appearence of Match. He gained his name from how much he bared his teeth at the cat whenever it came to pester him. +"protective" , +"territorial" , +"grumpy" , +"helpful". ⚠warnings: *keep away from objects that are fragile since he is quite big and might break them on accident. *he doesn't like dog food, he prefers raw meat right out from the freezer. *let him out on the backyard to release energy.

[movie] victor criss / whimsy .

teen ,, domestic ferret ,, white ferret

Whimsy is the sneaky white ferret that Match brought in his mouth one day as a 'gift' after one of his daily outings. Many of your small things, such as rings or small silver hairclips went missing as soon as he got inside the house. Seemed like the white animal stole your things when he got the whim. +"sneaky" , +"thief-like" , +"playful" , +"mischevious". ⚠warnings: *keep shiny things or small expensive things out of his reach or he will steal them. *when he climbs onto your shoulder is the clue to take him away from Match, who might be pestering him too much for his liking.

[movie] regginald 'belch' huggins / buddy .

teen ,, domestic dog ,, french bulldog

Buddy is affectionate black bulldog that appeared on the same day as Whimsy later on the evening. He is just a silly dude that likes to follow you around and drop his head on your lap while you're doing work on the computer. He doesn't whine for attention or try and distract you from your work like Match does, so you always let him be! +"affectionate" , +"calm" , +"relaxed" , +"gentle giant". ⚠warnings: *he doesn't know his strength, so please please be sure to specify when his playful bites turn into something painful!

[book] gard jagermeyer / pretty .

puppy/teen ,, trained dog ,, maltipoo

Pretty is quite the needy and affectionate thing! he'll cling to you and follow you around like the lost little puppy he is! He showed up a day latter than Whimsy and Buddy, practically whining, while a much larger hybrid carried him around on his mouth. +"needy" , +"himbo" , +"affectionate" , +"drama king" , +"whiny" , +"clingy". ⚠warnings: *he needs a lot of attention and constant praise, he's quite the needy puppy! *keep him away and safe from Match, since the cat likes to pick on him (scratch him, hiss at him, and bite his ears and tail) quite often!

[book] steve 'moose' sandler / gnarly .

late teen/adult ,, wild animal ,, red coyote

Gnarly showed up at your doorstep holding a whiny Pretty in his mouth, as if a mother with her kittens, simply dropping the poor puppy on your doorstep. Literally forcing you to take care of the puppy yourself. He refuses to come inside, growling and snarling at you when you try to initiate any kind of physical contact, and pretty much won't come inside (he kind of lives in your backyard? he sometimes leaves for the day but always comes back to sleep there, he scratches at the door until Pretty shows himself and then he goes back to sleeping alone in your yard when he is sure the puppy is safe). +"agressive" , +"ruthless" , +"independant" , +"hissy" , +"territorial" , +"possesive".

⚠warnings: *don't try to pet him! he is not a hybrid meant for housing, he is meant to be a hunting animal or be out in the wild, he is no pet! *always let Pretty go to him even when it might look like the coyote could eat him up, it's clear they're an odd pair of friends that should not separated unless you want consequences from Gnarly's part!

[book] peter gordon / baby .

late teen ,, domestic dog ,, weimaraner

Baby appeared in your living room (the door to your backyard open and with Gnarly also inside of your living room) three days after Gnarly and Pretty's appearance. Baby has showed himself to be no trouble. He spends the whole day sleeping and lazing around your bedroom, but the boy does try to sneak sips from your coffee whenever you leave it unnatended! +"calm" , +"softie" , +"actually kinda normal (lol😭)" , +"sleepy(baby is eepy)".

⚠warnings: *don't leave coffee cups/glasses at doggy reach!

search tag for this au : paola's hybrid boyz<3333

[stariekis]

baby (cat) a board !

🛋️ pairing : 엔하이픈 ot7 + gn!reader . genre : fluff . cw : none ~ pls let me know if i should add smt .

— synopsis : a new addition to the family sounds like an amazing plan so why not adopt a kitty !

— note : bit of a tmi but cats are my favorite animal in the world and i wanted to write something like this bcs enha + cats = everything to me ! so here it is ~ hope you enjoy ! all kinds of feedback and reposts are appreciated my loves <3

heseeung :

— 'what are you talking about what is that cat distribution system'. you came back home one day after work with a little creature hiding in your tote bag. you told heeseung that the cat actually chose you that's how the cat distribution system works and now you have to keep it there's no other option. he let out the biggest laugh ever, you looked so cute with the small ball of fur in your hands. he could say no so when you asked for the second time if you can keep him he just nodded his head.

jay :

at first he might be a little hesitant — 'Honey i don't think it is a good idea, we have very busy lives who is going to take care of him?'. he was right though, but you wanted to adopt one for the longest time so, as soon as he said that to you, you started pouting at him — 'No y/n don't do this to me please oh gosh'. using your secret weapon (that's how you call it) you end up convincing him, telling you to take your cost and hop in the car. even though he wasn't a big fan and kinda allergic too he spent most of his free time playing with the kitty.

jake :

the biggest animal lover i know. he didn't let you say a word, as soon as you entered the house with the kitty he took the small animal in his arms — 'i do not care what you have to say he is our kitty now' he said, running back to your living room and sitting down on the sofa, playing with his new bestest friend. — 'well that was easy'. you thought, looking at your boyfriend who was being bitten by the kitty.

sunghoon :

he wasn't really sure either and, even though he refused a bit at first, he ends up loving the cat more than you. most of the time you would get back home to the sign of your boyfriend sleeping on the couch, the small ball of fur laying on top of him. because of that you teased him a lot, telling him how much he hated that idea of having a pet and now he event cuddle with him — 'he is cute baby what am i supposed to do' he said, signaling at the small kitty laying on the couch.

sunoo :

— 'omg love this is the cutest cat i've ever seen'. you showed him a picture of a baby cat that was up for adoption. you've always wanted a new pet, him being out most of the time makes you feel a bit lonely so why not adopt one — 'yeah we can go and pick him up together if you want to'. on you're way to the shelter you discussed name ideas, decided on what to buy, etc. he ended up naming him so you can think of him every time you call your new pet's name.

jungwon :

we all know that our wonie is allergic to cat's fur but how can he say no to you ?. when you came home all excited with the little creature hiding in your arms, your eyes shining and the biggest smile ever plastered on your face he knew he couldn't say no — 'Fine yeah me can keep it baby'. he even took you to different pet shops to buy toys and everything for the new family member, seeing you so happy makes his heart pound. he has the biggest soft spot on you.

ni-ki :

he would be the one bringing him home this time. remember that -key episode where he played with some kittens ? well, at the end of the day he took one home. he didn't bother telling you if you wanted to keep it or not, he just brought the little kitty home with him — 'You don't understand we need to keep him please babe' he was practically begging you on his knees at this point, putting it straight into your face telling you how cute he is, making you hold it and everything. at the end of the day you accept keeping the small animal, he was pretty cute after all and your boyfriend seems like the happiest man alive.

[pebbleisgay]

IN STARS AND TIME POKEMON AU!!!!!

SPOILERS AHEAD (End of Act 3 Spoilers!)

(crackling knuckles) okay so here's Siffrin! They have a phantump and Mimikyu when the quest starts- both shiny- but neither that he actively sought out. More like they snuck into his stuff and well you know how the cat distribution system works, they're his team now. Later in the quest the mimikyu's disguise was pretty beaten up and the party helped make it one that looks like Siffrin (hat included!).

The zorua however appears when Siffrin wakes up after having seen the red star, new pokeball in hand and not enough time to figure out what's inside before Mirabelle a greets them. The Zorua's pokeball keeps its red, too! It's the only pokemon of Siffrin's team that remembers the loops and as such, it's the only pokemon that keeps its levels through them.

[rentsturner]

Start To Finish - A.T. - 1

chapter 1 - the trials and tribulations of a first pet.

a.n: this should be a multiple part series, with hopefully 2 more parts in the works. I've had this written for months, its been a long time coming. Hope yous enjoy.

warnings: swearing, brief mentions of animal death

-- 1 --

You didn’t mean to bring a kitten home when you set off for work this morning. But sometimes the cat distribution system works in mysterious ways. In this case, fate had placed a small, wet bundle of fluff on the side of the road, the road that you drive home on every evening. Your headlights catch the tiny kitten weakly moving amongst the undergrowth, and you almost think you’ve imagined it, but when you slow down and take a proper look, it's obviously a small animal.

You stop the car and get out, covering your head to shield yourself from the pouring rain, using your phone torch to find the little cat. You locate it quickly, mewling and shivering weakly in your hands as you gently pick it up. It’s black, fur slicked back in the rain so it looks almost oily, its tiny pink mouth opening to meow for help, probably for its mother. With an ache in your heart, you wrap it in your coat and place it carefully on your passenger seat, then without a second thought, you take it home. 

The drive home goes by in a flash and when you get to your apartment door, trying to balance the kitten in one hand and your bags and keys in the other, you realise you have no idea how you’re going to explain this to your boyfriend, Alex. It’s not that he doesn’t like cats, well, maybe he's never been particularly keen on them, but you've never discussed having a pet before, both accepting that you're probably too busy to give it the attention it needs. The small kitten lets out a high pitched mewl, reminding you that the poor thing is cold and wet. You’ll just have to deal with Alex later. 

You push through the door, dumping your bags and soaking wet coat on the floor, taking the kitten straight to the bathroom to find a warm towel. You hear a shout from the study, a muted “Hey, babe!”.

“Hey, Al.” You shout back, probably sounding a little distracted - you are.

You wrap the kitten in a towel, gently rubbing the moisture from its soft fur. It really is adorable. Jet black fur and big orange eyes. As you warm it up, it begins to purr, so intensely you can’t believe the noise is coming from such a little body. It can’t be more than 2 weeks old.

“Love? You alright?”

Footsteps tread heavily approaching the bathroom, and suddenly Alex is opening the door. He obviously heard the meowing. You turn, cradling the kitten in your arms - caught red handed.

“What-”

“Alex, let me explain.”

“That’s a cat. A kitten.” Alex points at the animal in your arms, as if it wasn’t obvious enough. 

“Yes.”

“Why on earth are you holding a kitten?”

“It was on the side of the road and it was cold and wet and-” 

Alex scoffs, cutting you off. “We are not having a kitten.”

“Why not? We-”

“Are you kidding? We don’t have food, litter, toys, we need- we need bowls and a collar and-”

“All of those things we can buy. That’s no big deal.” You adjust the bundle in your arms so that the kitten is looking up at you, its big orange eyes blinking slowly up at you. You feel like a mother looking at your newborn child. “Just look at him, Al.”

“Oh, it's a he, is it?”

“Well, as far as I can tell.”

Alex rubs a hand over his face, tugging on his hair, a habit of his when he’s stressed. He looks at the kitten, then you, then the kitten again. “I can’t believe this..”

“Hold him.”

“No, I don’t want to-”

“Hold him.” You practically shove the kitten into Alex’s arms and he’s forced to cradle it, looking down at the mewling little form. You see his face immediately soften as he feels the kitten purring. The cat’s tiny mouth opens in a wide yawn and his eyes start to drift closed. 

“See? Isn’t he adorable?”

“He’s alright, I guess.” Alex brings a careful finger up to stroke the kitten’s forehead, smoothing down his damp fur and scratching his chin. You watch him for a moment, feel a soft ache in your chest at the gentleness of his actions. You’ve persuaded him, you know you have. Alex might not have accepted it yet, but this kitten is staying in your lives.

After a few moments, Alex breaks his silence. “Only if I can name him.”

You’re confused. “What?”

“We can keep him, but only if I can name him.”

Your face breaks into a grin at his words and you have to stop yourself from jumping up and down. You grab Alex’s arm, smiling up at him.

“Seriously?”

“Seriously. You’re right. He’s kinda cute. It’s a boy, yeah?” 

You nod in agreement and Alex scratches behind the kitten’s ears, purrs still emanating from it like a little engine. He studies his face carefully. 

“He looks like a Julian.”

“Oh absolutely not, he is not being called Julian.”

Alex pouts and opens his mouth to protest, but you cut him off before he can argue.

“Anything but Julian. Second choice, please?”

Alex huffs and rolls his eyes, before going silent for a few minutes. Then he decides.

“Fine. He’s called Bowie.”

You smile. It’s a good name. And it suits this loud, demanding and loving cat that’s managed to worm itself into your hearts within a matter of hours. 

“Okay. Bowie, it is.”

You both look down at your new pet, but he’s fast asleep, purring away quietly in Alex’s arms.

-- 2 --

The next day, you and Alex wake up early, intending to go and buy supplies from a local store. Bowie slept soundly all night, cuddled up in one of Alex’s old jumpers at the foot of your bed. In fact, you all slept soundly, tired from the excitement of the evening and anticipation of your new life with a kitten.

“Are you sure we can leave him alone?” Alex watches the sleeping kitten with intense fascination, taking in his little huffs, the way his paws shake a little as he dreams. He’s enraptured.

“Al, we’ll only be half an hour, it’ll be fine.”

“But what if something happens to him?” Alex reaches out to stroke Bowie and he rolls over onto his back at the feel of Alex’s touch, yawning and presenting his stomach for tickles. You coo at him and scratch under his chin, while Alex rubs his belly. You consider Alex’s question.

“Like what? He’s safe here. Anyway, only hours ago you were suggesting I should have left him on the side of the road!”

Alex chuckles. “You’re not gonna let me forget that, are you?” 

You laugh with him and shake your head. 

“Look, I'm gonna call Jamie anyway and just ask him to watch him. Just to be safe. He’s only 5 minutes away.”

You nod, accepting Alex’s worry. It won’t do Bowie any harm to have some company while you’re gone. 

An hour later, Jamie arrives. You explain where you’ve set up some newspaper as a makeshift litter tray, as well as the bowl of milk that you’ve been using to feed Bowie until you get some kitten food. You know he shouldn’t really be having milk, but it’s not like you had spare kitten food lying around in the cupboards. 

Alex brings Bowie out of the bedroom while you’re talking to Jamie, cradling him like a newborn and tickling his chin. Your heart soars yet again as you watch your boyfriend introduce Jamie to your new pet, both of them cooing and giggling as Bowie tries to catch Jamie’s finger tickling his belly. 

“Did she explain everything to you? You know where he pees? And make sure he doesn’t get out, okay, and-”

“Al, mate, I’ve got a toddler. I’m pretty sure I can look after a kitten.”

Alex nods in acceptance, kissing Bowie’s forehead before placing him on the floor. The kitten immediately goes racing off to the kitchen, probably looking for trouble.

“Alright, just look after him, yeah?”

“Come on, Al, the quicker we go, the sooner we’ll be back.”

Alex smiles at you and allows you to lead him to the door, both of you calling goodbye to Jamie as you leave the apartment. 

---

The pet store is enormous and it takes you and Alex a few moments to find all the kitten stuff. You fill your basket with wet food, dry food, kitten milk, treats - it looks like enough to feed a whole colony of cats, more than enough to fill the scrap of fur now residing in your home. Then you choose a litter tray and several bags of litter, before you finally move on to the toys section. 

Alex decides to test each toy before choosing them, shaking, throwing and squeezing each colourful mouse and ball, debating intensely on which Bowie will like the most. You’re sure Bowie would be satisfied with a cardboard box, but Alex is obviously getting into his little experiments over which toy is best, so you leave him to it. You wander over to the collar section. There’s a whole array of collars in all sorts of materials and colours, some with bells and tags. You want something understated and smart, and your eyes land on a black leather collar with silver stitching. It would suit Bowie perfectly. You don’t think he’ll be wearing it much as he’s going to be an indoor cat, but of course you will have to get your first pet a collar.

You’re admiring the quality of the leather under your fingers when you feel a kiss on your cheek, followed by the feel of Alex’s hair tickling your temple. You turn and peck his lips before taking a look at the abundance of fluffy objects in his arms. He’s picked out about 8 toys; squeaky mice, a tunnel, bouncy balls, a mouse on a stick, some catnip.

“Got enough there?” You tease Alex as he balances the items precariously under his chin as you head over to the till. He just rolls his eyes at you, dumping all the toys and food on the conveyor belt and fishing out his wallet from his back pocket. 

The till cashier smiles at you knowingly as she scans all the items through, having seen many other young couples going through the same experience with their first pet. When she comes to the collar, she looks up at the two of you.

“Would you like this engraving? It’s only an extra fiver.”

You’re about to answer and say no, it's no bother, but Alex has other thoughts.

“Please. His name’s Bowie. B-O-W-I-E. And could you do a little lightning symbol maybe?”

“Of course, sir. It will be ten minutes.”

You wait for the engraving patiently, arm linked around Alex’s waist with your head resting comfortably on his shoulder. His palm rubs up and down your side gently. 

“I’m so glad you found him yesterday.” Alex murmurs, planting a kiss on your forehead.

“Me too. Imagine. He would have just died there, all alone.” Your heart aches at the thought of a kitten living such a short and miserable life. It makes you want to cry, and you’re not the only one - Alex lets out a whine and squeezes your shoulder firmly.

“It’s ok. He’s got us now. We’re gonna look after him.”

You nod and smile up at Alex, who gives you a small smile in return, leaning down to peck your lips gently. 

“Hey, your collar is ready!” You both admire the silver engraving. It’s perfect, “Bowie” written out in curling letters, with a little lightning bolt underneath. A lightning bolt for a little cat that you found one stormy night. Fitting.

---

“How was he?”

Jamie scratches the back of his neck and chuckles. 

“Well, he kept trying to climb up my leg, but otherwise fine. Been fast asleep for the last 15 minutes. Think he tired himself out.”

You laugh at Jamie’s answer, imagining the terror on his face as Bowie tries to claw his way up his trousers. Toddlers certainly don’t do that. 

“Cheers, Jamie.” Alex claps his friend round the shoulder and you leave them to talk while you go and find the naughty kitten. You see him curled up on the sofa, little chest puffing up and down as he dreams about climbing trousers. You sit next to him carefully, stroking his fluffy black fur. His little nose so perfectly formed, ears twitching as he hears footsteps walking into the room, the slam of the door as Jamie heads home. Alex’s hand joins yours in smoothing down Bowie’s fur. 

“You've been a naughty boy, eh Bowie?” Alex teases the cat, who’s absolutely oblivious to his words, still asleep, but now purring quietly. After a few more tickles, his eyes open slowly and he yawns, letting out a high pitched whine. You coo at him, scratching under his chin as he stretches his limbs. 

---

That night is eventful, to say the least.

You’re awoken at 3am by needle sharp claws poking into your forehead, followed by a series of meows and chirps as Bowie tries his very best to wake you up. You yawn and roll over, trying to ignore the cat, but he climbs over you and starts batting at your face. You can’t help but giggle, you should be annoyed but looking into the eyes of such an adorable creature is enough to quell your temper in seconds. You give him a quick stroke and he purrs and arches his back under your touch. Then you gently pick him up and place him on Alex’s side of the bed, closing your eyes and attempting to go back to sleep.

A few minutes later, you hear a groan, followed by sheets rustling. Then a distinct yelp. You have to stifle another giggle as you picture Bowie digging his claws into Alex’s face.

“Bowie- fuck, its 2am, what the…”

Alex’s voice is deep and hoarse with sleep as he berates the cat, you turn over to face him and see his eyebrows scrunched together, mouth turned down in a frown as he pats at the tiny scratch on his head. His eyes are only half open, struggling to rouse his brain from the comforts of sleep. Bowie is kneading happily on the duvet, excited that he’s finally getting the attention he wanted, doesn’t matter if it's good or bad.

Alex notices you looking at him and huffs. So dramatic.

“His claws are surprisingly sharp, y’know?”

“Alex, he’s a kitten, he just wants attention.”

Alex groans and looks up at the ceiling, rubbing a hand over his face and tugging at his hair. Bowie crawls on top of him and begins kneading on his chest, purring away happily.

“God, it’s like having a baby. A baby with claws.”

You giggle at his comments. It’s true, you didn’t think you’d be woken up in the night by a needy child so soon in your relationship with Alex. 

“He’s cute though. You can’t deny that.”

Alex sighs as he looks at the small kitten purring gently on top of him. He strokes him gently, one of his hands almost covering the entire length of Bowie - he’s still so tiny. Apart from this little mishap, he’s been very well behaved so far, you couldn’t have expected any better. And the naughtiness just makes him all the more cuter. 

“Aye, it’s a good job that he's cute.”

You manage to get to sleep eventually, lying Bowie down so he’s sandwiched between you, while you and Alex face each other. The kitten falls asleep in minutes, obviously enjoying your combined warmth and attention, his purring slowly gets quieter as he falls deeper into sleep. 

You reach out to stroke Alex’s hair, scratching at his scalp then smoothing his brown strands back over his forehead. He leans forward to kiss your forehead, trying his best not to disturb Bowie. 

“Goodnight again, love.”

“Night, Al.” You whisper, closing your eyes and basking in the comfort of feeling both your kitten and your boyfriend sleeping next to you.

---

When you wake up in the morning, you pat the duvet around you, feeling for Bowie, but you can’t find him. That’s weird. You didn’t notice him leaving in the night. You sit up and look around, breathing out a chuckle as you see where Bowie has placed himself. 

He’s balanced precariously on the edge of Alex’s pillow, curled up on himself with his tail flung over Alex’s face, wrapped around his hairline. Alex is fast asleep, snoring away softly, his chapped lips parted, face relaxed in the way that only sleep can make it. 

They look absolutely adorable, and you can’t help yourself as you grab your phone and snap a quick picture of them. You’ll show it to Alex the next time he complains about being woken up in the night.

---

End of Part 1

---

for reference this is how Bowie looks in chapter 1 (except with orange eyes)

Tags:

@ohladymoon @martinipoliz @almluv @zayndrider@madnesstaking0ver@atticssmellgood @leafjoon @turnerside @turnertable @yourstartreatment

( if you wanted to be added/removed lemme know)

[honey-minded-hivemind]

We’ve seen yans adopt reader, but what if reader takes initiative in getting themselves adopted?

Universal Cat Distribution System style.

(I envision this w/a reader who’s more of an animal/feral type mutant but this works with neutral readers too)

Seeing the heroes on TV or even in person whether witnessing an emergency or being actively saved, reader is probably in awe that mutants can be so cool and well loved (by each other at least, people in universe seem to hate them for some reason). They probably get in in their head “oh these guys could love me” and reader is right!

Reader, outside in the rain: hi I’m here to be adopted

Logan, who thought they were the delivery person but isn’t going to turn them away: what are your qualifications?

Reader: well for starters I bite-

Logan ‘I adopt rabid children’ Howlett: say less

n e ways, I love the “Hi, you’re my parent now” trope, especially when pets just decide your house is now theirs. love your content!!

Ahaha! I love it! This is how my cat was adopted! She was so loving and sweet and was a stray kitten we were feeding, and she would comfort we when I cried outside, so when it was raining and cold one day, I was told I could take them inside- so I did! And she is now my sweet bby princess kitty!

Yes, Logan would adopt any Reader who looked sad and pitiful and was partially feral or animalistic. He adopts any teen who needs help, he will fight anything or anyone for them, and will show them to Charles and be like "here's another X-Men, Chuck, now let's feed them and get them a bath-" and no one can say no, because they also fell in love with this teen who has slitted eyes and looks like soggy wet kitten and is fluffy too.

Reader, trying to get adopted: I was bullied for three years of elementary school, I have religious and emotional trauma, I once was emotionally and mentally abused/manipulated by an adult, I am probably queer and/or gender-noncomforming, and I like fluffy jackets and don't have a dad or possibly a mom or any parent at all, or at least not any good ones-

Logan: You're adopted

Reader: Oh, what decided it?

Logan: When I first saw you, but I wasn't leaving you after you mentioned the manipulative adult and the trauma, so, you're our kid now

Reader: All I need is two meals a day, a bath every other day, and somewhere to sleep!

Logan: ... You're getting more than that

Charles: Yes! A new child and X-Men! Welcome, my dear, what is your gift? 😊

Storm: Yes! A friend for my Evan and dearest Kurt and Kitty and Jean and Scott and Rogue! We shall feed you, and shall guide you!

Hank: We can finally give you a check-up! We've been watching you for quite some time now-

Logan, tackling Hank and slapping a hand over his mouth: That is not important! What matters is you're here! Now, let's get inside! We should introduce ourselves...

Reader, oblivious: 🥰💕💛

[spacefinch]

So I found out that there's "Backstroke of the West" style mistranslations for a bunch of other Star Wars videos....

Here's some highlights from The Clone Wars episode "Rising Malevolence..."

Or Star War Clone: "Manhole."

Apparently Kel Dorian does not lend itself well to these sort of translations. On the other hand, congrats to Plo Koon for winning Peru's latest governor election!

Gosh darn tourists.

(Insert Ides of March joke here)

What. Just what.

Very true. Except why is "Skywalkers" plural? (Unless Anakin has some secret relatives he's not telling us about.)

--Every student at some point in their lives

Now we know what happened to those tourists.

So what if you miss school? Isn't flying an old spaceship into a debris field more exciting?

Well at least you're being polite, Boost.

Okay.

...

I don't know. ARE you ready to fight?

Same, guys, same.

.....

This could also be a misquote of "Hey! Who turned out the lights!" from Doctor Who.

"Have you tried turning it off and on again, Master Skywalker?"

????

Wow, I didn't know iPods existed in the 70s!

Of all the times Sinker's camera had to stop working....

You've heard of the cat distribution system, now get ready for the Skywalker distribution system.

And finally, the most iconic quote of the episode, mangled almost beyond recognition.