#what im saying is that the way we talk about sex (including the lack of having it) is inherently broken | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

harpieisthecarpie · 15 days ago

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hey, thanks for your addition to my post. i really loved what you wrote, and as an allo, it all rang true to me. the bit about romance vs erotica was also a new way to look at it that i’m still thinking about.

Oh Im so glad it resonated! Sorry for the very very long tangent in the reblogs, but I noticed my mutual peer reviewed my original tags in my rambliest moment of the day

And your post seemed to be primarily jokey, but it touched upon an attitude among fic writers that I think has surged a lot in the past however many years!

Im really fascinated by it, and how tropes in fanworks reflect on broader fanculture. I just wish that fic writers (and their readers) would give themselves more leeway to explore imperfection without feeling the need to soften, solve, or explain it.

There is so much to learn from stories, including fanfiction. But sometimes the lesson isn't a moral one, or it is but it holds a morality we don't agree with. Even then, we learn something about ourselves and the writer and how to evaluate texts.

But there's a secret other thing we can learn from beach reads, dark romance, fic, and erotica: sometimes we learn nothing substantial at all because that wasn't the point.

Reading a toxic relationship for enjoyment while thinking "man if someone pulled this shit with me I'd kick their ass" is a time honored tradition! Something can be "hot" in a fantasy (ie BDSM scene, erotica) while being 100,000 red flags irl.

A novel titled "My Tormentor, My LOVER" with a very shirtless man on the cover, and a fic with 25 sex-related tags both have many indicators of being fantastical, of being a scene. You just have to know what those indicators look like.

Honestly I think we don't give enough credit to genres like these because of their target audiences. Like, primarily cis-dude oriented spy thrillers don't get grilled nearly as much for their horrible sex scenes!

They'll be made fun of, for sure, but there's a level of internal monitoring (and enforcing) in romance novel and fanfiction circles that just does not exist with dude lit.

Cis women and queer people are treated as both more impressionable AND more responsible than cis men, at least with their reading habits. It's an echo of "boys will be boys" and the slut/madonna dichotomy that has become self-perpetuating in writer-reader circles.

Even when we aren't cis women, or women at all, minorities (and spaces where we congregate) still must "hold ourselves to a higher standard". But that's another debate, I'm way off topic.

Re: the erotica discussion, in Savy's video she was specifically talking about how a lot of Colleen Hoover's works are mislabelled romance when they should be erotica, because her sex scenes treat what are definitely kinks as realistic vanilla sex.

It jars the reader from their immersion, because the novel had heretofore shown no indicators of having those kinks in it. (Except for it being a CoHo book). Not in the description, its marketing, or a content warnings page of the book was Savy made aware these kinks would occur and be treated as normal.

Even just the label "erotica" would have given her more of a heads up! But without any of that, she lacked the informed consent necessary for her to take the scene as the fantasy it is. Leading her to enjoying the whole book a lot less!!

Basically, its about genre expectations and tonal shifts.

If I blind watched the Blair Witch Project because it was advertised only as "a fun parody of ghost hunter documentaries with super relatable main characters" I would brawl a producer for my money back.

If I'm not expecting horror, if I'm not informed of jumpscares, a movie I would have loved has now been made awful and upsetting. I wasn't able to adjust my expectations or be in the correct headspace.

That's what's important about labelling for tone, and why the destigmatization of works called "erotica" would help everyone :D

Oh it's so late and I was rambling again ;---; I had more to say about metatextuality and how being informed of a fantastical scene allows for a safe place to explore what might be unsafe irl. But I have this chocolate to eat

Thanks for liking my og reblog! You have succeeded in feeding 2 Harp rambles!! Redeemable at your local Chester Eustace Cheese

#harp rambles #when will i be free #nsft #cw sex mention #this is just about writing and stuff but those are in case #ps that tormentor lover title was me half recalling something a patron requested at the library #so im not even exaggerating it a little bit #and i am once again. so sorry to you for going off. its like my 1 skill

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diddyrivera · 1 year ago

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swerf (sex worker exclusionary radical feminism) - labor edition

so, i want to go ahead and make an essay here abt the term "swerf"; apparently a lot of you have heard about the term "terf" which stands for transgender exclusionary radical feminist (im pretty sure a lot of you know abt the term and are educated on it as to what i've seen throughout social media platforms), but this term of "swerf" can be a new one to a lot of you. it is a sister to terf and is intertwined with each other since it excludes transgender sex workers who are fighting for autonomy and agency since they're at the proportionate of getting unalived due to their identity and the work that they do. now that you know about the term "terf" which was coined in 2008 by a radical feminist by the name of viv smythe to describe it as the lack of queer theory within transgender and feminism critiques, im going to be making a whole essay about the term swerf as a way to educate yourself about all of the stuff anti-sex work activists have been spewing around throughout tiktok (i've dealt with them and they lack so much nuance with their sex work critiques)

so, the term "swerf" stands for sex worker exclusionary radical feminist (fascist), and it has emerged as 3rd wave feminism's intersectional approach to gender inequality; the term is to describe the lack of labor analysis and power dynamic analysis within sex work, sex education, and feminism critiques, and well yeah let's just say i've seen the term "swerf" being debunked and self-explained by a lot of radical feminists when in fact they're definitely missing the point about how the term actually works. a lot of the radical feminists that i've encountered tend to focus on the sex worker exclusionary radical fascist work of andrea dworkin, catherine mckinnon, melissa farley, sheila jeffreys, shulamith firestone, and so much more, who have collaborated with conservatives to push anti-sex work legislation to further exploit sex workers' autonomy and agency whilst they both focus on the neoabolitionist framework of sex work and kink / bdsm. i'll be debunking the tons of misconceptions that these people have made throughout this essay as a way to educate and humble all of the radical feminists who uphold such rhetoric that just further limits sex workers' ability to express freely of their sexuality.

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"we should support the sex workers, but not the industry they work in because of its misogyny and exploitation"

this argument has been popping up on my fyp constantly and a lot of people have told me this, and let's just say this argument lacks intersectionality because all of the other industries that exist under the capitalist state are misogynistic and exploitative as well. even if capitalism has existed after the patriarchy, there are industries including sex work that contained some sort of misogyny and exploitation under patriarchy (🍇culture, toxic masculinity, gender roles, has existed before capitalism), so what that means it's definitely possible that sex work will still exist because it has existed for thousands of years and the only thing that's stigmatizing the sex industry is through all of the paternalistic structures which harm minorities, especially women. with that come to kind, sex work is a symptom of the patriarchy and not the cause of it. stating that sex work is the cause of the patriarchy blatantly argues that if we can eliminate the patriarchy, we can eliminate sex workers, which is pretty icky because let's not forget that without the sex industry, there would be no sex workers, and let's just say it fuels the exploitation of sex workers, as to which part of it is that it fuels something the prison industrial complex, and i've seen this being talked about by a marxist feminist named angela davis over her books "women, race, and class" and "are prisons absolete?". she's also done an interview with someone about it and here's the source:

also, this argument fuels anti-sex work legislation by law enforcement which also fuels the paternalistic structures which gets sex workers unalived. according to a 2021 article from guardian, 8 people, 6 of them who were asian women, were killed by a 21 y/o white man in an atlanta massage parlour building over racism, sexism, and anti-sex work ideology. there are also multiple articles about serial killers murdering sex workers, most of them coming from the 20th century. that's why the phrase "pro-sex worker, anti-sex work" as to acknowledge that the industry is harmful won't work because a lot of the issues surrounding sex work have to stem with the patriarchy (and capitalism as well since sex workers get financially discriminated under that economical system).

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2. "liberal feminists are disgusting because they think sex work is empowering"

i've seen almost the majority of radical feminists disguising sex workers as inherently liberal feminists, but they don't realize that every single industry contains pros and cons, and that includes sex work, and with that being said, sex work doesn't need to be empowering for it to be considered a job. there are some people who would find it empowering and glamorize the sex industry while not even listening to the lived experiences / material realities of sex workers and ex-sex workers, but saying that all sex workers are liberal feminists because they find their job empowering while not even understanding the bifurcation of consciousness coined by dorothy smith into which you fall into this madonna-whore dichotomy that you experience the world as you do it and you are subjected to participate in the paternalistic structures that exist within society, just comes off as disingenuous because i've encountered sex workers who acknowledge the issues surrounding the industry they work in. by the way, if you can learn more about the bifurcation of consciousness, i suggest you buy dorothy smith's book "feminism & marxism: a place to begin a way to go" online, and also this theory is applied within this book titled "we too: essays of sex work and survival" which has a "bifurcating" excerpt within it →

"women suspended between our own truths and realities imposed upon us by men, are forced to reconcile the contradiction between the two. we have insight into patriarchal ways of knowing while sometimes also knowing that our empirical realities are much different. patriarchal ways of knowing further bifurcate women's consciousness by chopping us up into disgestible versions of ourselves - we are either madonnas or whores. we are either public property or the singular property of a man. of course patriarchal values do not just penetrate masculinity. people of all genders are suspectible to its charms. but for those of us who straddle identities of mother and whore simultaneously, the demand to bifurcate one's consciousness even more profound" →

"we must make space for the feminine self that is both agent and victim, empowered and marginalized, mother and whore all at the same time. we must interrogate space and language as static and as neutral. we must dismantle the imperative to squeeze women into a singular point of existence , whether that point is sexual or maternal or something else entirely. if we are coerced into choosing between mother or whore, then our complexity is whittled down and the beneficiary of that belittling of that belittling is patriarchal. if we are left out of conversations about violence, then it is assumed we cannot be victims of violence."

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3. "there is no way to make the sex work industry safe for sex workers, so sex workers need to be rescued from the industry to be liberated"

some of the radical feminists i've encountered have stated this under the guise of saying that they support sex workers, which is actually so hypocritical of them. there is this thing called decriminalization which is different from legalization, as to which decriminalization regulates the sex work industry as a business and reforms its horrors to better the workers, whilst legalization regulates the sex work industry as a business but never reforms its horrors talk about legalization being considered "backdoor criminalization". now, to decriminalize sex work, we must pass stimulus checks, universal business income, small biz relief, hospital funding, end racial profiling of sex worker people of color, end criminalization against queer and trans sex workers, offer sex workers safer therapeutic sessions, offer sex workers unrushed health checks, and so much more. also, if we're going to abolish all work, we have to decriminalize sex work and recognize that sex work is a form of exploitative work under capitalism just like any other work.

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4. "the sex work industry is where women and girls are being trafficked, therefore it's not work and we should get rid of it "

actuallly, there's no way to get rid of it since there are children being trafficked into other sorts of domestic labor such as the construction industry, the meat packing industry, the fashion industry, the film industry, the beauty industry, so what's really going on is the exploitative factors within the capitalist state. also, sex work is work that's exploitative under capitalism just like any other work, and we need to recognize that sex workers are laboring subjects and not victims and criminals. we have to get rid of capitalism since it exploits the worker, not sex work.

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5. "the nordic model helps sex workers from discrimination in the industry they work in"

i feel like people need to understand that the nordic model fails to realize that the sex work industry consists all sex workers and clients of all identities and not just all men being clients and women being sex workers, and that the framework of the nordic model is rooted down to bioessentialism. the nordic model is partial decriminalization bc it just outsources the exploitation of sex workers and clients, whereas sex workers would have a limited time interacting with clients, increase trafficking rates such as countries / states / territories into which implement the nordic model like sweden, ireland, norway, canada, etc

resources:

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5. "sex workers are selling their consent"

there's no such thing as selling your body, and i feel like when it comes to sex work, that perpetuates the narrative of sex slavery whereas if the sex worker is sold, the customer buys the product, and it doesn't work that way because you can't sell / buy consent. sex workers are selling a service, and the client pays for the service, just like other jobs. for example, the manager in that one barber shop would offer me a service to get a haircut then they would tell me the price if i want to get the haircut (they're selling a service), and my job is to grab my payment methods and pay for the services they've offered me. the same thing applies to sex work if i want to see someone perform such erotic practices or have sex with me.

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6. "it's disgusting how sex workers are utilizing their body"

if you really think that it's disgusting how sex workers are utilizing their body, you also think that it's disgusting how barbers, managers, construction workers, and makeup artists are utilizing their body. we utilize our bodies in different ways and a lot of radical feminists denying this by questioning how other jobs other than sex work have to do with sex are completely missing the point.

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7. "sex work is paid 🍇"

sex work is not the same as trafficking, and these two are conflated, it fuels anti-sex work legislation which still places sex workers into exploitation. sex work is a profession in which when you receive money or goods in exchange for consensual erotic services regularly or occasionally, whilst trafficking is the recruitment, transportation, transfer, and harbouring of people through force, fraud or deception, with the aim of exploiting them for profit. also, it's 🍇 if the sex act is nonconsensual, and it's sex work if the sex act is consensual.

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so, this is not all of the misconceptions that i've debunked since this is only the sex work labor edition, and i'll be making a part 2 and it's about the corn industry, which is part of the sex industry. i hope you're educated on this if you're new to learning about the term swerf and how it works, and if you're a radfem who constantly speaks over sex workers. :)

#feminism #intersectionalfeminist #intersectional feminism #anti terf #anti swerf #anti capitalism #intersectionality #feminist #eco feminism #anarcha feminism #marxist feminism #radical feminism #swerf #terf #sex worker

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daybringersol · 1 year ago

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if asexuality or aversion to sex comes from trauma, that is absolutely something a therapist and you are supposed to address, that's not queerphobia and equating it to conversion therapy is kinda disgusting and queerphobic itself lmao

That is not what I said in the slightest, to a point where im questioning if youre asking me this in good faith at all. Please actually read and/or reread the words I typed before accusing me of things like this. My initial post was not even worded in a way that was vague enough to be misinterpreted this way.

If you still don’t understand how misguided you are, here is my attempt at putting it more clearly :

Yes, aversion to sex and/or romance and lack of sexual/romantic desires can come from trauma. Therapy can help that, if you find the right therapist. However, from my own experiences, I can tell you that the way a lot of therapists approach this is at best, ineffective, and at worst, downright retraumatizing. If sex and/or romance makes you uncomfortable, being convinced to take part in sexual/romantic acts without you having desires for it or being downright averse to it is a recipe for disaster (for most people). It just puts you into more non-consensual and traumatizing positions. That is what exposure therapy is, and that is what most therapists have tried (and sometimes succeeded) to do to me. Horrible experience, would not recommend to anyone. This approach tries to cure the symptom instead of the issue, and is deeply based in ace/arophobia (seeing ��fixing” a lack of attraction as more urgent and important than addressing the source of the issue, the actual trauma).

Also, no. If someone doesn’t feel like fixing their trauma for any reason, nobody should push them to. A therapist can absolutely inform the patient on the benefits of doing so, but trauma work is incredibly hard, very much a long-term thing, and can put the patient in an extremely vulnerable headspace. It’s the mental equivalent of breaking a bone to set it right again. For an abuse victim who just got out of that situation, it is completely understandable for them to want to enjoy their new-found freedom and joy as much as they can, for as long as they want. Pushing them towards trauma work without the right environment, mindset or literally anything else they feel might make this not the right time for it can cause further damage, especially knowing how the current psychiatric institution works.

Asexuality and aromanticism, however, do not come from trauma, or any other neurological differences. It might be affected by it, and people with life experiences similar to aro and/or ace people are welcomed in the community (for exemple, sexual and/or domestic abuse survivors that are sex/romance averse), but it is not caused by it. Most therapy settings are not informed about asexuality, and assume it is a symptom of a underlying issue, that needs to be fixed. The same kind of exposure therapy that I talked about earlier is often used to “cure” aro and/or ace people, putting them those same non-consensual and traumatizing situations. That is conversion therapy, and medical use of coerced corrective rape. These therapists are, often with methods similar to gaslighting (and I use the original meaning of the word here, not the diluted tiktok version of it), convincing people to do sexual and/or romantic acts that they have no desire to do, to fix an issue that doesn’t exist, with the explicit goal of making someone not queer. Please explain to me how that is not conversion therapy.

Other forms of arophobia and acephobia are prevalent in psychiatric institutions as they are today, tho I wouldn’t call most of those conversion therapy. You only need to look at the notes on my post to see what I’m talking about.

I genuinely hope that this is a formative experience for you, and that in the future, you learn to actually read what is written before you send messages like this. Have a good day.

#amatonormativity #acephobia #arophobia #aromantic #aromantism #asexual #asexuality #traumapunk #trauma survivor #psychpunk #solanswers

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butch-reidentified · 2 years ago

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tried to explain to my male friend (ugh) that gender ideology is flawed and gender roles are not what makes a woman and he WOULD NOT get it. I was like, a woman is biologically female. He was like well that's not what a woman is. I was like 😐 youre not getting it, i don't have the energy for this right now. He's also "nonbinary". He's one of my oldest friends and i'm not sure it's worth it anymore

im sorry to hear that, anon :/ it always sucks when you're talking to someone, especially a friend, and they don't understand what you're saying at all

I do think we should start making it very explicitly clear that "woman" and such are not gender terms, because I've so often seen "female is the sex, woman is the gender." I think that people often don't realize we aren't operating under that idea at all. when we say woman, we only mean sex. we do NOT mean gender at all. I think that's likely where a lot of the "radfems are essentialist" myth comes from.

Check out some of my posts comparing sex to hair or eye color & how weird everyone would find it if we imposed gender based on those neutral physical traits rather than sex. imagine a world where brunettes are expected and stereotyped and pressured to be soft, emotional caregivers who wear flowy dresses and flowers in their hair, and blondes are expected to dress comfortably and be commandeering and stoic; the radfem take is that we should get rid of that absurd system and everyone should be able to act and dress and do whatever they want without silly expectations based on arbitrary physical traits. This is how radfems view gender. Sex is a neutral, immutable biological trait. Like hair or eye color, you may be able to disguise your sex or alter how others may perceive you, but your hair color/eye color/sex remains unchanged.

As for terms like man and woman, and the definition of sex:

Sex is based on gametes, not chromosomes or genitalia or sexondary sex characteristics. The female sex - in humans and other animals - is the sex whose bodies/anatomy/physiology/genetics/chemical and hormonal makeup are designed and structured entirely around the ability to produce large gametes (ova). Whether or not a female of a given species is lacking certain parts (such as a uterus), is born with a DSD, or is infertile, their body has still entirely developed from before birth with the evolutionary, biological intention or producing large gametes. It is utterly irrelevant whether those gametes are produced successfully or not, or whether they are fertilized or not.

As for man and woman, what we mean when we say "a woman is an adult human female, a male is an adult human male" is no different than what one means by "a doe is a female deer, a buck is a male deer." These terms denote species and sex, as well as youth vs adult status in many animals. This includes humans (woman/girl, man/boy) along with goats (doe/doeling, buck/buckling) and plenty others.

A woman is a female (adult) human being, just as a brunette is a human being with brown hair. Saying that she is a woman because she is female does not reduce her to her vagina* any more than saying a brunette has brown hair "reduces" that person to brown hair. We all know that brown hair is just a visible physical characteristic we are describing to quickly categorize a person, and we all know that person is much, much more than just walking, talking brown hair. So why have so many who subscribe to gender ideology allowed themselves to be convinced that the definition of woman is "reducing" women to vaginas or other female anatomy? This is especially odd when you remember that this is the same group of people who thinks the best way to describe human members of the female sex is "vagina havers," "uterus owners," "menstruators," etc.

*And again, the definition of female is not "has a vagina," anyway, as I discussed above.

There is nothing restrictive about this definition. It applies to FIFTY PERCENT of human beings. It includes women who can't have children, women who don't want children, homosexual women, women who would sooner die than shave a single armpit hair, bodybuilder women, intersex women, women who have taken cross-sex hormones and undergone mastectomies and phalloplasties, women who love trucks and mudding, prostituted women, women who hate pineapples on pizza, women who love pineapples on pizza... women of every single size and color and personality and lifestyle under the sun fit perfectly into this short, simple, and clear non-circular(!) definition.

"A woman is anyone who identifies as a woman" can simply never make any sense. Think about it in mathematical terms. If X = Y, right, then they are the same and any Y can be replaced with X and vice versa. So let's define our terms here.

X being the word "woman"

Y being the definition of the word "woman"

Then X = Y should reasonably be assumed to be true.

However, if the definition of woman is "anyone who identifies as a woman," then we have X = Y, where Y = anyone who identifies as X. This looks like X = anyone who identifies as anyone who identifies as anyone who identifies as... ad infinitum. This quite simply leaves X with absolutely zero meaning whatsoever.

I hope this information can help your friend or perhaps someone else understand what we mean when we say this, and why it doesn't have anything to do with hatred or wanting someone/some group to not have rights or even to die.

#mine #ask #radblr #anon ask #anon #radfem #radical feminism #radfems interact #radfem friendly #radfem safe

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pricegouge · 1 month ago

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Confession hour?

My dad's been present but uninterested in my life. My mom raised us till I could start helping then we all raised each other. He's not the greatest or the worst, he just really didn't love my mom and the "Best friends" lie couldnt keep up. Very much a do as I say and not as I do man.

Anyways my parents finally decided to divorced(got the paper signed the 17th) and I've been with my mom since the split. Shes used me as her rock (weve worked hard on our boundaries through this) but the main reason I can't stomach having him in my life rn (honestly since the split almost a year ago) is cuz he started his hoe "phase" openly before my mom was even fully out of his house, and with girls around my age and younger(21)

There's more too it. A man in my youth using the ig obviously lack of attention from him(my dad) and used that to get me. I blamed myself up until a year ago. Realizing giving permission doesn't make me the target in the first place.

I feel like he couldnt have a relationship with me, more then being in front of me, because he couldnt have sex with me. It would be wrong so/and he couldn't have emotions for me.

I feel pathetic for caring so much tbh. I wish I didn't at all. His porn addiction has been more important than me since I could remember. And when he caught me watching porn he calls Me a whore? I was 10.

I don't know what I want from this. I don't know if I even need him. I want him. My mom even wants him. I've had to remind her she's allowed to let herself love someone other then him and want love from someone other then him.

I could get the attention and affection I want from him from someone else. But I also don't even know I could stomach someone giving me all that. Or believe they weren't just putting on a face until they get behind closed door and the face falls.

I'm his first bio child. My older sis is from my mom's first relationship. He loved her so much more. Went out of his way to find things they could watch together and have in common. I wanted to be included but I was always talked into leaving for one reason or another. I thought when I got older he would do the same with me. But I did it for use. Finding shows I know he likes and watching them with him. Talking about his work first then my school second or not at all. Again the pathetic part is he was there, he wasn't a complete monster and I filled as much as I could at the time, he didn't full out reject me. But it's just not enough.

This is too long, I could keep going but I've spent to long on this already .

Well it's just a secret sharing ask game but it's kinda turned into confession hour lol

Anyway, Christ thats a lot. Okay first off Im so so sorry and uhhh I think you should kill him. It will set you free of the pain of wanting his attention when he's no longer around. I can't imagine the kind of manipulation on top of everything else he put y'all through if even after all that you guys still want his affection, yeesh. I say kill him and be done with it, even if it's just in spirit. And DONT find a person to replace him/give you want you want. That's not how it works and will only leave you with an even bigger void to fill. If it's an option, I think both you and your mother would benefit from therapy. Really work on who you were with him so you can figure out who you are without him. Because again, he should stay gone.

ALSO okay one gouge lore confession as a treat. Growing up, my step brother groomed and then later married my older sister. They were eleven years apart and iirc, my sister was in 7th grade the first time I saw them getting too cozy (also I was the only one paying attention cause my parents were so absent but that's neither here nor there) and I have to be honest, the way you described your father and your sister's relationship sounds wayyy too close to what my sister and my step brother had going on and even if nothing came of it/or if I'm reading too far into it, I'm kinda glad he never doted on you the same way

Anyway love you and please give this to your dad for me 🔪

#ask games #umm #lets see #stepcest cw #grooming cw #idk please lmk if you want me to tag anything else

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singularsoldier · 1 year ago

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One of my biggest complaints about lesbianism on this site is that I haven’t seen a remote whisper of similar discourse surrounding gay men.

Heads up, a lot of this is ranting/venting so im probably gonna repeat stuff or not make a ton of sense in some places:

Like, a man was married with kids before realizing he’s gay. Okay, cool. You’re still gay dude. A man dates a boygirl person. Still gay who cares. He thinks a female celebrity is stunning. Duh! Look at her! But the second a lesbian is inserted into those exact scenarios, its a race to micro label and argue over what she can call herself.

Previously married with kids, dating a boygirl, thinks a male celebrity is hot, all of these are used against the lesbian identity and can be boiled down to elementary “eww you have BOY cooties” which leads into terf territory. Its a rehash of gold star lesbianism and ultimately shames lesbians who were unsure of their identity or found themselves in comphet relationships for safety/lack of support. Hell, its shaming lesbians for even thinking a random person is objectively hot bc they ID as a man.

Moving on, a similar thing happens when someone who previously ID’d as gay/lesbian realizes they’re attracted to multiple genders. Even if its just romantic for one and sexual for the other, the gay person is ultimately seen as bisexual. No further questions. The lesbian? Once again, its a race to label and argue.

This is where “bi” lesbian loses me. I don’t see anyone calling gay men bi gays for being in those previous scenarios I listed. A bi guy who only dates women and sleeps with men is bi. End of story. Not a peep about being a bi gay. I have, however, seen multiple definitions of bi lesbianism that include those exact examples. A lesbian got exposed to BOY COOTIES so now they can’t call themself a lesbian.

Or, rather, a woman only likes men romantically but since she isn’t dropping her panties for him, she’s still a lesbian. Is she only bisexual if she has sex with men? What if she only dates girls and sleeps with guys? Does that make her a bi straight? Once again, the second a woman enters the equation, everything goes out the door and we have to argue about Person Who Doesn’t Have Sex With ____. Why is being bisexual regardless of how it presents a bad thing? I haven’t seen anyone give a solid reason other than “i dont wanna be bi” or parroting some kind of terf rhetoric.

Adding to that, in a lot of the discourse, it honestly feels like bigender/multigender people are being used as a gotcha. Like I said before, a gay guy dating a boygirl is just a gay guy dating a boygirl. A lesbian dating the same person? “They identify as a boy!!! You clearly like men!!” which, ultimately, ignores the full scope of that person’s identity. They aren’t just a boy in the same way they aren’t just a girl. I guarantee no one would jump down a gay guy’s throat and say “ummm ACTUALLY she says she’s a girl so she makes you not gay”.

The same gotcha issue comes about with trans people. It’s as if saying “I’m not attracted to men” equals not calling a trans woman a woman. I only ever see terf accusations float around when a lesbian makes that statement. Never when a gay guy says he isn’t attracted to women. If your first thought when hearing that is “well they MUST be talking about trans people” then you have a problem, and anyone who actually refuses to date someone bc they’re trans is the actual exclusionist.

Gay and lesbian have a region of gender identity that falls out of bounds. A lot of people do. Yet the level of discourse over everything I mentioned is drastically different between them. God forbid a lesbian say “oh I dated a gay once but realized I wasn’t attracted to men”. They’ll get called a terf, an exclusionist, and every name under the sun. If a gay guy said the same about a woman? Two notes and its gone.

#vent #rant #lesbian #lgbtqia #gay #lgbt discourse

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femmefatalevibe · 2 years ago

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hey! me and my girlfriend have been together for 6 months now ans i love her to death. we both see a future together and despite certain hiccups weve had here and there, we always find a way to work through them and become better partners for each other. however the past few months our sex like has been suffering (at least on my part) because she's been so stressed due to outside factors and her libido is considerably lower than before. i havent pushed her to have sex with me (i am a SA and also r*pe victim so i am extra careful about consent and i would rather walk on hot coals than put her or anyone else through what i went through) and ive tried to be respectful despite the fact that she always says no whenever i try to initiate something and we rarely have sex now. she knows its affecting me and feels very guilty about it, which ive told her on numerous occasions that she shouldnt because im not entitled to sex or anything of the kind from her. thing is that despite the fact that im scared to tell her, this is affecting me in more ways than i can manage. it's fucking up my self esteem, making me feel unwanted (because even though the reason for her lack of sex drive isnt me and i know she finds me to be the most beautiful girl in the world, im the one that always gets rejected and she always looks so guilty when saying no) and kind of gross for wanting sex. i feel so disconnected from her in that area and i crave that kind of intimacy and closeness with her so much. plus getting rejected every time stops me from saying no if shes offering and i dont feel up to it, because i don't know when else ill get to be that close to her agan like that so i just do it. i very much enjoy it still but its messing me up that our sex like is suffering like this. most of all, im so unreasonably sad and angry and ive been having horrible mood swings because of it, which affect my ability to be a good partner to her and give her space to talk about her things. its making me hate myself and idk what to do about it. im sorry for the long post, but i need advice as im scared to tell her how much its affecting me in fear of making her feel guilty or coerced. i love her so much. any advice?

Hi love! Mismatched libidos are so tough to navigate in a relationship, even if it's common (at least at some point or another). It's truly commendable that you have such a healthy, respectable take on the situation (unfortunately, so many people feel more entitled to sex from their partners than they would like to admit), so I can see how healthy your relationship is! I totally get why this situation makes you feel undesired, it's only human, so validating this feeling of yours.

Here's my take on how to create intimacy and a closer sexual connection without actual sex when one partner (or both honestly) isn't in the mood:

Do A Sexy Photoshoot: Both wear your hottest outfits and lingerie and take photos like you're each others' muses (because you are!). It can be a hot activity on its own, a steamy way to initiate more foreplay, or to use as souvenirs when you need some self-care time to satisfy your sexual needs.

Give each other sensual massages: Candles, sexy music, sensual smelling oils, the works.

Ask for a dirty talk or sexy recording: Even if your partner isn't in the mood, it doesn't mean she won't be happy to communicate her desires for you verbally. You can listen to it when turned on to feel more connected generally or to use it during a self-pleasure session.

Discuss fantasies and unexplored desires: Nothing is hotter than talking about new things you want to try (besides actually doing them, of course). Either you feel closer from this steamy conversation or you get your closeness on a more physical level after you're both hot and bothered.

Schedule regular date nights: Never forget to arouse other pleasure centers: A delicious meal, wine, sensual music, candles, and musky perfume. Create tension and connection – whether dessert includes something sweet or slightly tangier.

Also, as an important note: I'm a heterosexual woman, so I'm speaking from a general place of how to manage mismatched libidos through a heteronormative lens. Anyone in the WLW who wants to correct me on anything, please do, and feel free to teach me more about these relationship dynamics to help the community!

Hope this helps xx

#femme fatale #dark femininity #dark feminine energy #it girl #dream girl #queen energy #sex and relationships #sexuality #relationship advice #libido #seduction #femmefatalevibe

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neutrallyobsessed · 1 year ago

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I challenge you to make a tier list of your opinion on Ace Attorney ships >;)

Challenge accepted motherfucker >;))))

i did like 5 different lists cause not all them where complete enough to my tastes and then i found this MASSIVE tier list (with a lot of crack xdd) so i was able to do it, fortunally the nrmy week gave me some time to work on this and EVEN THEN some kinda obvious ones were missing so i had to edit them in from the other tierlists, plus stuff i made up lol

also, for it not be too long and mark very clearly my Heterosexual Bias, the list was divided in two, so let's start: (spoilers for investigations cause shih-na doest appear as shih-na)

The OTP category is very self-explanitory, so the second place is all other ships that i like and ship too just not as hard since i have OTPs for the characters already~~

Ohters I like and Im listening have varying degrees of crack but im still considering as potential ships to like seriously

the canon ships acting as a neutral divider, they are canon, you can't complain about that (or you can im just a tumblr post you can do what you want forever). if they arent higher is cause they are not as interesting or funny as the above ships, i still love them very much

then theres the absolute crack that i find amusing but couldnt take to ship it seriously and then ships that are either boring: too tame, lack spice, feel like avoiding being problematic was the priority instead of they'd be cute togheter; or ships that feel a bit too cruel for comfort and i percieve as no longer fun, but sad

this tier list didnt have ema/nahyuta but did have poly ships that included the three so there we go, the only het ships i dont like (2)

finally, the only gay ships i consider to be neat, silly funny friends-to-lovers not overly popular, very cool and epic

And now, the interesting one:

Rangu referenced and teased by canon joke ship goes first of course!

for real tho, there's friends to lovers OR rarepairs OR lawyer x assistant ships, being my go-to in het ships they'd rank higher here

Evil People In Love! What else can I say? When 2 people are down bad for each other and down for destroying everyone and everything whether for revenge or the lulz cause they're bad and they're doing it togheter it's just beautiful~!

anything crack or toxic in a funny way goes next

incest as a neutral divider since being gay is super normal thus uninteresting but adding the taboo incest spice that will NEVER be approved by society IRL will make me a bit more interested but like you know- neutrally

any boring crack or toxic in a unfunny way goes next

and finally we reach my real (yet still neutral) beef with the ace attorney shipping fandom, being the popular ships that get talked about ad nauseum and if you wanna talk about any other ship you get ignored at best or harrassed at worst. Overrated could be the perfect way to describe this ships as they're so oftenly rated over other ships when they're SO LAME AND BLAND AND BRING ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. i am not criticizing originality, you know im unoriginal as well, but other fandoms have this something called ✨VARIETY✨ that EVEN IF the boring bland m/m ship still is number one ship of everyone and their grandmas, it'll still be in a relative equal number of fans and content (or directly opposite where Super Popular Ship has like 100 fans producing stuff and literally anything else has like <5, so you only have to block 1 or maybe 2 Super Popular Ships and then is smooth sailing full of variety~)

tl;dr they're annOyedTPs actually they're not bad, they are meh plus the over exposure can really grind someone's gears, second place being not AS popular thus annoying but still pretty much talked about and liked by many people as they are second places to ships in the normie zone

and finally finally what i actually dislike, shipping canonically het married characters with same-sex characters (and not in the funny way)(specially the gay best friend in love with their straight friend, my absolute belothed) or any flavor of enemies-to-lovers, whether it's a tame rivals-to-lovers or a legit hero x villian (stockholm syndrome can be fine but it depends on how its presented....or if it's... y'know funny) or same-age shipping where the characters maturity levels are SO DRASTICALLY DIFFERENT idk it feels kinda icky :////

In any case, i'm still answering asks for particular ships if y'all want a more in depth opinion ^w^

#ask #ahaha im not tagging the ships lol #shipping #ace attorney #aa #ship tier list

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butchviking · 1 year ago

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idk if your post was rhetorical but it got me thinking. my def of transgender is someone who thinks performance or lack thereof of sex-based stereotypes Means Something intrinsic or pathological about themselves. up to and including 'internal' stereotypes (see women who think they aren't women because they don't enjoy performing femininity 'for men' but like performing it 'for themselves').

tbh i think the draw of the transgender label overall is the fact that it has so many definitions and can't be pinned down. discussing it w trans friends irl has always wound up "well transness means something different to everyone" even though that isn't... meaningful. (if trans means something different to everyone what is the 'trans community'? 'trans activism'?) and any further attempts to understand are considered stupid at best and hostile at worst. i'd be so curious to see what trans-id'ed people would say transgender means to them honestly like besties i've been trying to figure this out for a decade give me something to work with

it was absolutely not rhetorical! im rly interested in this conversation.

"means something intrinsic or pathological about themselves"... that's definitely a broad one. i tend to think that my own lack of performance of sex-based stereotypes (not an entire lack im sure, there will still b aspects of female socialisation that have seeped into me, but im relatively gnc) means smthn intrinsic about me, but it's not that i have a gendered soul - it's that im stubborn, prone to defy, autistic (so don't pick up/care about social rules) , and that im just naturally, intrinsically, kind of loud/brash/agressive/etc and those traits happen to be coded as masculine in the society im in. i think many gay ppl would also say that their lack of performance of sex stereotypes says smthn intrinsic about them, and it's that they're gay!

sorry im shooting down every definition everyone comes up w but i think ur right, i think it is totally unpinnable. ive been asking this question to gender critical friends fr a few weeks and ive gotten slightly different answers each time but i think no matter how u define it you're always going to end up either excluding some ppl who are clearly trans and/or including some ppl who aren't. and yeah, when i was first getting into gender criticism & discussed it w trans friends they all said the same as yours did - "it's different for everybody". and maybe one could say "oh the specific definition doesn't matter that much" but when we start enshrining things in law nd talking about protections for trans ppl, trans rights, or even trans communities & trans activism like u said, we surely need 2 know what people are included in that and what ppl aren't

i'd love for some trans ppl to weigh in on this! i know i have plenty following me im not sure how much they read what i say and how much they're just here for gerard image but if any of my followers reading this identify as trans & want to explain what that means 2 them id love 2 hear it. cause yeah, exactly, pushing for anything beyond "it's different for everyone" is usually seen as stupid at best & hostile at worst, but that just ends up meaning that we've got different groups of ppl all defining it their own ways and never even talking abt it between each other and thats only gna divide us further nd leave people having all these arguments abt "trans people" where the ppl arguing aren't even arguing abt the SAME GROUP OF PPL because they both have such different ideas in their head of what trans means. so trans ppl PLEASE weigh in here i promise i'll b niceys

#ask #anonymous #sry this took a day to get 2 i didnt really get online after i came home yday

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jackienautism · 2 years ago

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i rant about resident evil and their writing / inclusion of the girls.

i jsut want 2 girls to go on their fucked up little adventures together is that too much to ask

i finally got to the halfway point of code veronica X and GODDDD i fucking knew they were gonna do this goddamn shit w/ steve and claire. i knew from the goddamn beginning even if i didnt want to admoit it...... residetn evil just cant be normal w/ a girl being paired w/ a guy. they just fucking cant

i understand that this is seen more among the older games (ashley + leon from re4 as well) and i cant speak for the og re3 nemesis but the way they wrote carlos and jill? its just.... why make these male characters say such bizarre and degrading and just ? nasty comments towards the female protag? do you really expecvt us to root for them? i just dont fcuking undeerstand, and this occurs in a remake too! they didnt bother to maybe just maaaybe take that bulllshit out. because jill's uncomfortable. IM uncomfortable. its just. godddd who the fuck caaaares STOP THIS TROPE

you see this same thing w/ steve and claire.... not oonly is steve incredibly fucking annoying the first second we meet him, he also continually acts as a nuisance towards her for a good quarter of the game. yeah sure theyre just building up to the Ground Breaking Emo backstory drop later, but. you already made me fucking hate this loser so goddamn much meaning im not gonna give a single shit about his development later. I JUST DONT CARE FOR HIM !!!!!! THEM MAKING HIM SO ANNOYINH RUINED ANY CHANCE OF ME CHANGING MY MIDN LATER.......

and GOD havent even mentioned this yet but. when i saw the little preview thing w/ the 3 characters w/ claire + chris i saw [steve] and went.... [eyeballs] hello whos this? long story short i thoiught he was a butch lesbian and i got SO excite d b c residtn ebil has yet to pair a girl up w/ anothner girl around the same age but noooooo instead i got this pathetic loser of a man (derogatory). the closest we have to 2 girls being fucked up together is mia and zoe in re7. but thats like. mainly a side thing. and mia isnt even the protag so

which leads me to the next thng i wanted to talk about. i think mnmen are super cool ofc and i hate to be that Bitch and pull that Card but good freaking god why must there be a man FOR EVERY SINGLE FEMALE CHARACTER IN THIS GOD FORSAKEN SERIES...... andit woudlnt be huge deal if they were noraml w/ these pairings but theyre NOT..... THEY MAKE IT WEIRD EVERY SINGLE TIME..... STEVE LITERALLY ALMOST KISSES CLAIRE WHILE SHE'S ASLEEP........ CARLOS CONSISTENTLY MAKES UNNECESSARILY WEIRD COMMENTS TOWARD JILL......... ASHLEY RANDOMLY AWSKS FOR SEX AT THE END OF RE4............ WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT AOBUT? good for ashley for shooting her shot i guess though but considering yhe game's previous comments towards ashleu and her figure.... it was blatantly put in to sexualize her furtyher

maybe its thr lesbian in me popping out maybe its the aromantic in me popping out WHO KNOWS all i know is that. resident evil makes me very upset sometimes dflkgnjg i love the games i love the characters (esp the girls big surprise i know) but jesus christ. somethings i just can't ignore. and this is cerrtainly one of them. a girl just can't exist out of a guy according to capcom. and that sort of idea is suuuper evident in how they portray and include their women. you could have a girl protag (re3, recv etc) but theres always a 99% chance theres gonna be a man tagging along + continually saving their asses and theres almost alwaysa an even HIGHER chance that theyre meant to be seen as a romantic interest! and its exhausting@!!!!!

long story short . i get im not resident evil's target audience . but im still gonna be pissed and annoyed . the girls deserve better .

im def gonna have to go more in depth abt resident evil and their writing of relationships (or lack thereof) some other time but just for now. the best written ones are claire + sherry and mia + ethan goodbye

#resident evil #mine #text #my thoughts #[emma mountebank voice] ok :) i’m done #take this all w/ a grain of salt i guess #or dont i dont care #i also lost my train of thought. so ill add more if it ever comes to me. but for nwo. this is the bulk of it i think #my RE tag #RE

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joyboythehopepunk · 1 year ago

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beast, man, god

i only think of the potential of humanity when i say these things.

i only think of a humanity that has wed the spiritual and the scientific when i say these things.

i only think of a humanity that has grown beyond its bigotry when i say these things.

it is time for humanity to evolve. it is time for a revolution in our way of being. in our civilization.

but this isn't a new idea. it is something that many know and that has lived in the heart of mankind for a long time.

an individual's right to self-determine should come before all else except physical harm to another individual. my right ends where another begins - to safety, health, and freedom.

it is not a "freedom" to oppress others. regardless of reason. it is NOT oppression to include the rights of others in our considerations (see: indigenous folx, disabled people, queer people, and children)

the above should go without saying. yet for hundreds of years there have been religions, ideologies of hate, bigotry, and government that have limited the rights of others.

i dont care about voting if it means a bunch of stupid bigoted pieces of shit get to oppress others. we need a system that considers that reality and makes the MOST MORAL decision. period.

that means removing representatives who perpetuate hateful ideologies. whether they against women, disabled people, immigrants etc anything that diminishes humanity or lacks virtue in this way shouldn't be allowed.

i am NOT for purity culture. sex, sexuality, gender, gender expression et al are NOT to be determined by anyone other than those it concerns. as long as no one is being hurt against their will, all should be gucci.

im not really into politics - so i am unsure what sort of political/governing system this would be. i just think knowledge and humanity's most virtuous nature should be used when moving forward. in a way that doesn't oppress anyone or hurt the environment. in a way that truly betters humanity and encourages diversity.

this isnt a utopia im talking about. just something better than this shitshow we have currently. im sure someone else who is more knowledgeable can be more eloquent about it. but i am really really sick of this stage humanity has been stuck in for hundreds of years.

it is nonsense and it needs to stop.

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iwadori · 4 years ago

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are you going to do a 'when the haikyuu boys make you insecure' part with Iwaizumi / could I request that?

When they make you insecure part 6 (Iwaizumi,Matsukawa)

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6

Word Count: 2.8K

Genre: Angst, Fluff

masterlist

AN: Did I embedd myself in this story? Yes, yes i did. :3 (it’s only a small part dw loool)

Iwaizumi

One day when you were walking to the gym to go see your boyfriend

You overhear him and the team talking about some instagram girl

“She’s hot” you hear Boktuo yell doing a hoot as he fawns over a picture, with the rest of the guys agreeing.

“What do you think Iwaizumi?” Hinata ask

“She’s cute... I guess?” the rest of the guys, grunt in disagreement at Iwa’s lack of drooling over the girl.

“Well I see why you wouldn’t want her Haji-kun,” says Atsumu “you are into the more simple girls bro”

“Simple?” Iwaizumi questions, and the rest of the guys agree

“Yeah simple, you know Y/N... she’s simple” says one of the guys, with the word ‘simple’ rolling off their tounge with a tone of disgust.

“I guess your right guys...” Iwaizumi says “Y/N is pretty basic and simple but-”

You leave the gym before you hear what the rest of them had to say. When you got to your house you bolt straight to the mirror, you look at your outfit and frown. You never thought your style was ‘basic,’ to be fair you wouldn’t describe anybodys style as basic or simple. Of course, you weren’t like those instagram influencers, that wasn’t your thing. But Iwa has known that about you for years... but I guess that’s not what he truly likes.

You go to your closet and take out all the contents, just tossing all your clothes (even some of your favourite items ever) and dashing them in a black trash bag putting them to the side. You were already on a mission to buy a whole new wardrobe, going through all different stores and looking on pinterest for inspo.

You didn’t really talk to Iwa for the rest of the week, since you wanted him to see you in your ‘new form,’ you weren’t being radiosilent but you didn’t initiate any hang outs with him or face time calls (which he did find slightly odd, but didn’t think that much by it.)

Finally, the clothes came and you were kind of shocked at how much you ordered you spent over £200 on clothes from all different places. When you were trying them on, you liked some of them the ones that were kind of similar to your past style but not so ‘simple,’ the others you kind of frowned at since it definitely didn’t feel like ‘you’ at all. ‘This is for Iwa,’ you reminded yourself as your forced a smile on your face analysing yourself in the mirror.

You had everything sorted, your wardrobe was now changed and done the colours and styles you once wore before is now the complete opposite. You invited Iwa over, hesistantly waiting to see how would he react.

When you hear your door knock, you rush over to open it and model a pose you saw one of those girl do trying to look as natural as possible.

“Hey babe ho-” he says, with his eyes widening seeing your new look “Woah Y/N!”

“Hey Haji..come in!” you exclaim with a beaming smile pulling him inside to the couch. “So, are we going to continue watching the crown, I watched the previous episode and god prince phillip is such a dick.”

You look over your shoulder and see Iwa still standing in your entranceway a bit awkwardly, looking a bit stunned. “Come sit down then, we’ve got an episode to watch.”

“uh oh yeah, sure” he says blinking, following you to the couch.

You got through atleast 4 episodes together, you barely talked as you were really engrossed in the show. Iwa was barely paying attention, he was too busy questioning how you were acting. This definitely wasn’t the girl he knew, even the way you were acting whilst watch the show was odd. The way you’d cutely giggle and ‘sublty’ look over to him whilst laughing at a funny part of the show instead of just doing your usual obnoxious laugh that he loved to hear.

“Oh Y/N, I’m going to go to the bathroom.” he says standing up, you don’t reply you just wave your hand in acknowledgement.

On his way to the bathroom, Iwa nearly trips on a black bag left outside your bedroom door. He opens it, and mildly gasped when he saw all your old stuff jumbled up in there. He picks up the back and goes straight back to the living room and stands in front of you.

“Haji, what are you doing you’re blocking the TV” you complaining trying to see what’s happening behind him.

He drops the black bag infront of you and you internally curse yourself for not moving. You stare at him waiting for him to say something.

“Well whats this then.” he says looking down at you, almost like a disapproving dad.

“Clothes.” you say smartly, knowing what he was asking.

“You know what I meant Y/N, why are all your clothes in a garbage bag.”

“Because I wanted to put them there,” you wanted to seem as nochalant about it as possible as if putting all your clothes in a garbage bag doesn’t make you feel sad.

“Yeah but why?” he says sitting down next to you.

“Just because I wanted to” you reiterate “what else do you want me to say?”

“Well this isn’t like you, its just a bit random Y/N” he says

“I know this isnt like me you” you spat, standing up “Isn’t this what you wanted anyways.” You head to your bedroom picking up the bag with you, with Iwa hot on your heels.

“What do you mean this is what I wanted?” he says in disbelief “When did I ever say that?”

“It doesn’t matter” you mumble, you start to aggressively take our your old clothes and shove them back into your wardrobe whilst Iwa is just talking. You’re not really listening to him your just putting the clothes back.

“Y/N Stop!” he yells kind of knocking you out of your ‘trance,’ “what is going on with you?” he grabs you hands and pulls them down stopping you from what you were doing and he winced at seeing your tear stricken face.

He gently pulls you into his arms sitting you both on your bed, waiting for you to speak. “I don’t know what you want from me Iwa..” you start your voice slightly breaking “it’s just I did this all for you and you don’t even appreciate it.”

“I don’t know what you mean Y/N?” he says sounding genuinely confused.

“Y/N is simple and basic.” you say repeating words that you heard your boyfriend say about you, you feel him tense as you say it and you slowly get out of his hug.

“Y/N I-”

“That really hurt Hajime, I know now that I'm not your ‘type’ but I-”

“No Y/N, you are my type of course you are!” he says gulping in nervousness “I love you, and your style. I’ve always being enamored by how you dress and present yourself and I don’t know why I even said you’re basic and simple I didn’t mean it that way.”

“Really?” you say sniffling looking down

“Yes really you idiot,” he says lifting your head up “To be fair I don’t care what you wear, since you look great in anthing I just want you to be happy Y/N and especially not dress for anyone including me. Okay?”

“Okay,” you agree slightly nodding your head.

“Good, so can we go and finish the crown and then burn all these clothes?” Iwa jokes as he stands up.

“Burn them!” you exclaim “These cost £200, you muppet.”

“£200! Gosh Y/N, next time you go shopping im definitely coming with you.” he says shaking his head “can’t have you blowing out your bank account for clothes you don’t even like that much.”

You spend the rest of the day finishing of The Crown and you and Iwa eventually both sort out your wardrobe. Your style and aethetic changes a lot more through the times you were together and Iwa was very supportive and helpful of every single change. Especially *insert your favourite dress aesthetic here.*

Matsukawa

You were walking with your friends; Iwa, Tooru, Maki and your boyfriend Matsun. Walking to school as you did every morning, today the topic of conversation was Tooru’s bad taste in women.

“Gosh yesterday was horrible, she didn’t want to talk to me at all,” he complained “all she wanted to do was to come straight to my place, I didn’t even have the chance to tell her my hair routine.”

“That’s why you don’t find dates off of Tinder shittykawa” grunted Iwaizumi

“Well I know that now!” he exclaimed.

“Y/N,” said Makki grasping your attention “Would you ever use Tinder?”

“Well I-”

“Of course she wouldn’t” your boyfriend interrupted wrapping his arm round your shoulder “she’s got me”

“Yeah, but if you two weren’t together, would you use it.”

“Well may-”

“Y/N definitely wouldn’t” he said interrupting you AGAIN “she’s way to frigid for that shit”

Frigid? You thought to yourself, ouch. Their was a quick awkward silence and all you could hear was Matsukawa laughing with the others laughing after awkwardly in pursuit. After sensing your uncomfortability (is that a word?) Oikawa decides to change the subject to make things less awkward,

“I need a woman who understands me!” he rants “One that can listen to me and appreciate my awesome hair.”

“Goodluck with that Shittykawa.”

Oikawa rambles on as you walk to school with the other guys chiming in. You on the other hand, were lost in thought. Your sex life wasn’t something you would want to publicly talk about let alone to you and your boyfriends' male friends. Also, with Matsun describing you as ‘frigid’ struck a nerve. You weren’t frigid, well at least to you, you weren’t.

When you got to school you immediately rushed straight to your lesson claiming that you teacher really needed to talk to you. Which was odd to Matsukawa as you usually all hung around each other until the bell rang, the other boys gave each other knowing looks all assuming the reasons for your odd behaviour.

At lunch time, you stayed in your class instead of going up to the roof where you and your friends usually end up. In the class room you hear one of the girls in your class, Empress having one of her usual gossip conversations with her group of friends.

“Hajime is so hot!” she said, fanning her face being dramatic

“Of course he is! You should totally go for him.” her friend said and the rest of the friends agreed.

“What do you think Y/N?” she says to you catching your attention “you’re close friends with him right?”

“Yeah, I am” you say a bit sadly “You should definitely go for him, I think you’d be perfect together.”

“Okay! I think I might later” she says smiling. Her and friends leave, but then Empress returns and walks straight to you.

“Are you alright doll?” she asks softly smiling

“I guess so..” you say hesitantly “It’s just something my boyfriend said to me this morning.”

“Matsun?” she asks and you nod in reply “What did he say?”

After you rehash the situation from this morning Empress scowls in annoyance, “Boys can be such pigs sometimes, such a dick thing to say.”

“I know right!” you respond “Even if I was frigid, which im totally not it’s not even a bad thing nor is it something to reveal to people in public in a ‘jokey’ way.”

“Yeah!” she agrees “I think you should go and give him a piece of your mind.”

“I mean...” your voice falters, when it comes to Matsun you’ve never really given him a ‘piece of your mind,’ even when he makes jokes that you’re not so fond of.

“Come on!” she encourages “I’ll come with you and cheer you on.”

“You just want to come to see Iwa Empress” you say pointedly “But fine let’s go.”

You both power walk to the roof where you see the four seijoh boys sitting down and eating. “Oh hi Y/N/-chan and look Iwa its Emp-chan... isn’t that a surprise!” Iwa blushes and the rest of the guys laugh.

You walk straight up to Matsun and stand right infront of him. “Matsukawa I need to talk to you,” you say folding your arms. “Why whats up babe?” he says, still sitting down with a cheeky grin on his face.

“Alone.” you say turning around walking to a secluded spot. Behind you, you hear Matsun get up and the rest of the boys saying “oooh Matsukawa your in trouble” as they laugh.

“What’s wrong with you today Y/N?” he asks slightly accusatorily.

“I didn’t appreciate the comment you made today on the way to school,” you say with your arms folded.

“Oh that little comment about you being frigid, come on it was just a joke I wasn’t being serious.” he says lightly laughing but he stops once he sees the glare you give him ”you knew it was a joke right?”

“Matsun, some are your jokes just aren’t funny,” you say “especially when they're about me and our sex life in front of our friends too.”

“Y/N I didn’t mea-”

“You just come off as a huge dick sometimes, and I can’t do this anymore if you keep on making these comments anymore I don’t think I can do this.”

“Woah Y/N, are you threatening to break up with me?” he asks “Over a few little comments?”

“These aren’t a few little comments, sometimes what you say is just unnecessary and rude.”

“Okay well...”

“Well...” you repeat staring at him waiting for to apologise or atleast say something, “fuck you Matsukawa.”

You storm away and walk bout to the group saying “Empress lets go.” She jumps of Iwa’s lap and waves by to them following you back down to the school. You walk into the bathroom and just start to cry, “Y/N whats wrong?” Empress says pulling you into a hug

“H-He doesn’t care,” you cry “He pretty much excused his stupid comments, passing them off as little ‘jokes,’ that didn’t apparently mean anything.”

“Oh dear,” Empress says consoling you “he’s not worth your time right now.”

“B-but but I love him.” you wail fat tears streaming down your face.

“I know sweetheart, I know,” she says letting go of the hug “so what do you wanna do about him?”

“I don’t know,” you say “I don’t want to break up with him or anything, but is there a point in staying if he’s just going to make these comments again.”

“I don’t know Y/N, but whatever you wanna do I’ll support. Wether it’s keying his car or reading shitty fanfiction and crying.” Empress says making you laugh.

The final bell rings and now it's time to go home, of course you don’t walk with the guys so you just enjoy your own company walking home.

“Y/N! Y/N!” you hear from behind you and of course the only person it can be is Matsukawa.

“What do you want?” you mumbled

“I..I want too” he says heaving out of breath from the running he had to do “I want to apologise. I need do.”

“Okay...” you respond

“Im sorry, Im so so sorry,” he says “those jokes and comments were stupid and I agree I can be a dick sometimes. Well a lot of the time, but I never wanted to be a dick to you.”

“Well you were.”

“I know I was, and I’m so sorry. There’s no excuse what I said and what I have said before I just hope I can make it up to you.”

“Okay then.”

“So are we not broken up?”

“No we’re not broken up, but it’ll take a lot of making up to do for me to fully forgive you.”

“Great! And I'll spend every day to get you to forgive me.”

Which he did, he spent every day showering you with love and affection. He was way better than he was before, you even went on double dates with Oikawa and his flavour of the week and triple dates with Iwa and his girlfriend. Matsukawa, although he still made jokes, he never targeted them and centered them around you in an insulting way.

AN: I didn’t really like the matsukawa one since i couldn’t really write for him properyl sooo sorry bout that one kids.

#haikyuu x reader comfort #haikyu angst #haikyu x reader #haikyuu fluff #haikyu scenarios #haikyu headcanons #haikyu #iwaizumi x reader #iwaizumi angst #iwaizumi scenarios #iwaizumi hajime #iwaizumi fluff #matsukawa x reader #matsukawa angst #matsukawa fluff #matsukawa oneshot #signedwithane😌

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colorisbyshe · 2 years ago

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man im sorry you keep getting ace discourse questions. youre too cool for this

It's fine. I know to some 14 year olds it's a very pressing that they think really matters. We're watching the rise of global fascism and the horrific effects of climate change devastating the most vulnerable people who cannot escape... but to some people, whether or not cishets can reclaim "queer" and sit at the cool kids table is the most manageable topic they can put on their plate.

Listen, to avoid future asks because I DID just get an influx of followers, I will put my thoughts out plainly:

Aphobia isn't real. It can't be.

Asexuality doesn't any shared experiences or identity to be oppressed. By that I mean, asexuals can be straight, gay, bisexual, or aroace, there is no shared gendered attraction. And "asexuality" can mean totally aroaceness, just a lack of sexual attraction, or a complete lack of sexual desire. Aces can want sex, consent to having sex they don't want, or just not want sex. Aces can even feel sexual attraction (demi, lithro, grey). When you make your identity a spectrum that includes the opposite of what your identity is... you no longer have an identity.

If you do not have an identity with a pool of shared ideology or experiences or even more abstract things like desires... there is no basis for oppression.

People DO face discrimination for not having sex and lacking sexual desire but that discrimination is more heavily tied misogyny and ableism, maybe misdirected homophobia. Most of the time, it isn't even tied to misogyny, it IS misogyny—it's just basic flavor rape culture.

On the flip side, people also face discrimination for having sex and having too much or the "wrong" sexual desire. For many marginalized groups, that means having ANY sexual (or romantic, shout out to the aros who think they're oppressed) desire at all.

So, if a celibate cisgender straight woman who feels sexual desire but just doesn't want to act on it is being harassed for turning down a man, is that aphobia? No. That's rape culture, baby.

And then there are aces and even aroaces who have sex, want sex, are kinky, and love to flaunt it. What aphobia are they facing? This means a non-ace woman is facing more "aphobic" discrimination than an actual, supposed asexual.

Aphobia is not real.

A culture made to punish and demand sexual desire IS real.

And, unfortunately, a lot of rhetoric within the ace community ends up reinforcing that rape culture, hurting their own cause. So, even if I did think a cisgender, straight person who MAYBE lacks sexual attraction and mAYBE doesn't want sex is somehow oppressed and that all cisgender, straight people who face oppression are LGBT, I wouldn't... want to associate with a group bent on regurgitating conversion therapy classics like "You can healthily have sex with people you aren't attracted to" and "You can be sexually gay but romantically straight" (Mormons fucking love that one!).

In a society where so many people ARE pressured into sex they do not want, I do not want to associate with people using the same talking points as sexual abusers, only this time they're using it to justify why cishets can still be queer or whatever.

I really, genuinely wish the best to people who are truly asexual, truly aromantic, who ARE getting shit for their lack of desires, but the communities they belong to need to be fixed before they can even call themselves LGBT alllies, let alone LGBT community members.

And I think a lot of people need to work on themselves and acknowledge that maybe a lot of rhetoric in their communities are just a way to distance themselves from theri sexual and romantic inclinations and any shame they may associate with them, rather than providing "real" identity.

Cause a "straight" man who really, really wants to fuck other men is obviously in denial. So what can we say about an ace who really wants to fuck their partner?

Entertaining this denial only hurts aces and LGBT people in the long run. And if we can't have that discussion honestly, there is no reason for me to entertain the idea of giving LGBT resources, spaces, platforms to our oppressors. Cause even if cishet aces are oppressed, even the most oppressed people on the planet, being oppressed doesn't cancel your role in LGBT oppression. Cishet women are oppressed, face systems of oppression much more closely linked to homophobia and transphobia than aphobia would be, and yet still don't belong in our community, so why would any other cishets belong?

I don't think this view is hateful. I would LOVE to dismantle the rape culture that hurts aces and non-aces alike. I would love to have fruitful dialogues about the pressure to have sex you do not want and how isolating the single life can be or whatever the fuck. A lot of these conversations have already been happening in feminist spheres but let's have another go. (Cause, if I haven't made it clear enough, "aphobic" concerns are actually just feminist concerns.) But if my views make anyone think I'm aphobic... sure. Homophobia and transphobia describe systems of oppression but if a slightly blunt pushback on a tumblr ask is aphobia, then I guess we have a new definition for the "phobic" suffix in this context. Redefining words is an ace community classic, so I'm not surprised.

Anyways, I think I've hit most major points for any newcomers. I will not be accepting new asks on this topic (even asks that agree with me or want to add more); I will just link y'all to my wishlist or to a song I want everyone to listen to.

This is my final word on the subject... unless I find a truly novel thing to say. Or I'm just in the mood to rant. But I'll be doing that on my terms, not to play a game with any new anons.

(That said, thanks anon for this ask, I'm not mad at you, lol. Just had to get this out cause I've gained a lot of followers today and can sense drama on the horizon.)

#q slur cw #ace discourse i fucking guess man

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sorikkung · 2 years ago

Text

back at it w the livereactions, i got this far into the tags before i remembered this chapter is 30k and i would almost certainly hit the tag limit, so instead we going fo r a readmore SDFKHKDFS edit: buckle the fuck up bc i rambled a LOT ☠️☠️☠️ i am so not normal abt this series i apologise.

LMFAOOO we both know that wasnt a throwaway comment you little shit. i was waiting for this kind of thing as soon as they started playing shdkjfgkjsdfg

“And have you implied that they would throw out their own lieutenant so that they could have the captain for themselves as well?” wait THAT was the implication… ok looking back on it im not even sure what i thought the implication was meant to be if not that LMFAOO i am very slow today dont mind me. but that is a SCALDINGLY interesting take… oh my. the joong/mc dynamic thickens… 🤩

oooh shit each of the members being chess pieces thats SO SPICY… but also. what if thats just how i play chess. i dont move the king so i can castle when cornered. that says more abt me than hongjoong SDFKJHKSDFKHJSDJFg

saving Him? what exactly is he getting at here….

THE FUCKING TEEEEAAAA ON USING SEX AS A COPING MECHANISM IM REELING SJKFDGKJSFDG lacking in certain areas. is she just not his type or is that his way of saying hes gay. im choosing to read it as the latter bc thats canon in my heart <3 SKDFJHKSDFHK

yk ive never been to therapy before Properly but something tells me most therapists arent this much of a little shit (affectionate) but also holy hell way to be confrontational abt it. ik that comes with the job but daaaaamn.

every time san calls her star i just. [muffled screaming into a pillow] "haven't had any complains?" IM HOLLERIGNDSKFGFHFDHS he really does make things sound so romantic UGH im whipped. when san says "we" referring to not hurting innocents… ok suppose that doesnt include his time before joining the crew, but i think it speaks leagues abt his development of how he sees himself as well as the others.

SANNNN. 🥴🥴🥴🥴 im dizzy. im losing hearing in my right eye and taste in my left

yk if its any other guy saying he doesnt wanna eat pussy id call him a loser but when san says it like That he makes it romantic i hate it here why is he the ideal man. EVERY WORD THAT COMES OUT OF HIS MOUTH? “Is that what you wish to call me? Are you so reverent, my love?” “Be wary, darling, I may ask you to worship me if you say it too many times.” MF DOESNT EVEN NEED TO TOUCH ME IF HE KEEPS TALKING LIKE THAT ON GODDD

something about “Enjoy me, star, you’ve more than earned it.” is making me lose my mind my lawyers will be in contact for that one

BOY YOUR BACK IS FUCKING SEIZING YOUR DICK CAN WAIT LIKE TWO MINUTES KSDJFJKSDFJHSJDFKKGDFJKH

YEAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH THE FUCKING QUESTIONNNNNNNNNN LETS FUCKING GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO the way he worded it too why is everything this man says so fucking HOT im TIRED!!

awhhh mingi and luca… 🥺🥺 what a change of pace LOL

“Not sure there’s a person in the universe who could fix whatever the fuck goes wrong between these people but—” she throws her hands up briefly “—also not my job.” LMFAOOOOO SHES SO REAL FOR THIS

ohh im so glad woosang are finally getting the relationship counselling they need :') LOANING HIM OUT AGAIN IM KSJDFGKJSDFJHKSDJFHDF YES PLEASE THANK YOU-

waitwaitwait seonghwa needs to FORGIVE his mother for everything?? um??? im not sure abt that one chief if i remember his past correctly he does not owe her SHIT!

THE CARETAKER AND SON DIDNT EVEN SAY SHIT??? HER SON SAID NOT TO MAKE A MESS??? HELLO??? WHAT TH EFUCK

didnt want to be lieutenant… minho insinuating mc wants to take his place… am i connecting the dots here…

once again i am loving the themes of relationships that love so fiercely and so intensely that its a detriment to them and not a bandaid that makes everything better. moc!seongjoong you are so special to me i am so insane about you.

“I will serve my captain in whatever way he needs me to now because I know I will not be around long enough to help him see his duty through to the end.” HELLO. HELLO? HELLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO?????? YOU CANT JUST SAY SHIT LIKE THAT THEN NOT ELABORATE ON IT SEONGHWA. is he running on borrowed time?? is whatever joong needs the sirens for… involving their deaths?? is this a sacrifice thing? what is HAPPENING..

oh wow loving the way they maturely address their… tendencies like that SJKHKGDFH

damn… seonghwa rly just seems so… broken. oh my poor boy what have you done… what has been done to you…

what is UP with hongjoong man!!! 😭😭

SHDFGJKSJKFDGKJSFDK wow seonghwa just addresses something really loaded n san is just like. ayo can we fuck him now. KFDJSKJHSKDFH ahhh to give him some respite… yeah as much as im down in theory i feel like itll confuse things more than itll help but ok.

"It isn’t about using someone for your own pleasure or dispelling the feelings you may harbor towards another. It’s okay to want to take this now, for what it is and what it offers.” no dispelling these feelings huh… 👀👀👀👀

WITH A PASSIOSNFDGSFDKJHGHADFKJGHKJSFDJGKSJKFDGSDF FUCK THE WAY I YELLED... thats both hilarious and uhh 😳😳

MY treasure… i do like a good hint of possessiveness among the sharing 😋 something abt all the complex emotions and relationship dynamics here makes this so much hotter. lawd. i need a drink

SAN KNEW??? THIS WHOLE TIME???? i mean wait he did say that hes slept w half the crew that shouldnt be so surprising hsdfkjgsdf the question is who else knows. like obv wooyo and yeo knew and ofc joong but like is it just them or does everyone on this ship know that hwa's a siren 😭

“You can sense each other’s feelings, no? Then I shall see to it that you both feel the full extent of pleasure by my hands tonight.” WHY IS THAT SO HOT. MY LIL POLY BRAIN IS GOING HAYWIRE RN “Paint her pretty with your marks, Hwa. I’ll cover them with mine before the night is over.” THIS FEELS LIKE A PERSONAL ATTACK AGAINST ME SPECIFICALLY HELLO. I AM STARING DIRECTLY INTO THE BARREL OF YOUR GUN

HWA LIKING BEING BOSSED AROUND… THE SAN+SEONGJOONG THREESOME… BOTH OF THEM AT THE SAME TIME… IM… SWEATING PROFUSELY. I NEED AN INHALER. I NEED TO BE SEDATED ACTUALLY

“Fuck’s sake, I’ll believe in any god out there if this is what praying gets me.” San’s words fall on deaf ears as you reach down to cup Seonghwa’s cheeks. You see the tears there, alongside the sweat striping his skin, but you don’t know where to begin.

“Surely I will be going to hell for this,” Seonghwa laughs. His eyes are unfocused and hover on the ceiling despite your hold on him.

“If you are to go to hell, then I imagine we can go together,” you say between breaths, hands still bundled around Seonghwa’s face.

THATS SO ROMANTIC??? IM GOING FERAL IM TEARING UP THE WALLS I NEED THEM BOTH SO BAD

"I adore you-" okay first of all OW. the fact that he still says this after everything is so. "-but you are not entitled to know everything." SCALDING, but necessary. what a great line.

huh what is mc so worried abt hold on i dont get it. not entirely different from sans first captain?? how??? what is she seeing that i am not hsdfjgskdfg

“If one of them asked you to kill a member of the crew, what would you do?” HELLOOOOO. WHAT WOULD PROMPT THIS. GIRL? THE FUCK? HIM CUTTING OFF THE NICKNAME? BROOOOOOOOOOOOO

"The question on your mind, one you cannot bring yourself to voice, is whether or not Hongjoong deserves any one of those things from him." i really feel like i missed something what did hongjoong do that has her doubting him so much all of a sudden? i know they havent had the most amicable relationship but this still feels… out of nowhere a bit but then again it could be my memory of previous parts being hazy. is it cause she was almost left w jisung and now she thinks theyre all disposable or something like whattt that doesnt feel right

“I doubt I need to be the one to tell you this, Ghost, but the most dangerous amongst this crew is not myself or Jongho. Nor is it our captain or our lieutenant. For a while, I predicted that you would be the one to take up that mantle, given what had been said about you. But I was wrong." WHAT THE FUCK DOES THIS MEAN? IS HE TALKING ABT SAN? HELLO. HELLOOOOOOOOO

idk if that was really a fair question or not but alright buddy…

“But I fear our captain is so dearly adept at making devotees out of the people around him.” so ive noticed! that should be a bit of a warning sign but unfortunately i find it incredibly attractive so i am gunning forward,

yk i understand why san is a black dog here but in my mind he will always be a catboy. HSDFJHKSDF

when he lost his eye, was it by hongjoong's own hands? or… was it san's?

“Hongjoong’s.” “Captain‘s.” For whatever reason, San cannot reconcile that they are one and the same. OOF. OOOOFT. ok highkey i like that san doesnt feel remorse over what he did to nightingale. like on one hand its arguably deserved since he also had ulterior motives but also san whos so torn up abt being a good person, not regretting the bad he did just adds so much dimension to him. i love it

“But I am at your mercy, Y/n. Of that much, I am certain.” WHAT A FUCKING POWERFUL FINISHER… thats interesting tho. he implied that he'd kill her if the captain ever ordered it, but also hes completely at her mercy? is he implying she has a similar grip on him as hongjoong does? god i have so many questions this chapter i really need to reread this series… lets hope my new meds work so itll be easier LOL cant wait to go back to brainrotting super hard over this 🤩🤩🤩 especially now w all of these poly crumbs youve given me or at LEAST nonmonogamy teas i am THRIIIIIIIIIIVING like no other… i just love the dynamics and the everything and god i fucking love this series. i hope you enjoy my incomprehensible livereacting brain worms <3

mists of celeste ➻ 48

➻ pairing: ??? x fem reader ➻ genre: space au, pirate au, angst ➻ word count: 30.4k ➻ rating: M ➻ warnings: language, violence, explicit content ➻ summary: Sneaking aboard the ship of a renowned space pirate may not have been the best idea, but you’ll have to make do with what fate has handed to you aka Months into your stay aboard The Horizon, it becomes apparent that things are not as cut and dry as you thought, and that you might have bitten off more than you could chew with this crew.

⇐ previous | next ⇒ | masterlist

──────────── act six ➻ part seven

With nothing much to do but recover from your wounds, days bleed together on the ship.

You wouldn’t have much of an idea of what the others are up to in this extended period of nothingness because your days are spent between your room and the infirmary. Yunho claimed a few weeks at minimum until your ear fully heals from the abuse it suffered, and you feel that recovery time in full thanks to the accompanying vertigo that overwhelms you whenever you stray too far from your room for too long. It comes with its own set of unique perks, you suppose, ones that are rather singular to you. Minho doesn’t press you to attend any awkward therapy sessions, for the time being, writing you off as still being too injured to have a good and coherent discussion about your mental state. You don’t have to see your captain or his lieutenant thanks to their near-constant seclusion to the bridge in the days that follow after your return. Jongho and Yunho frequently come to visit you if only to curb your loneliness, and Wooyoung has seemingly taken upon himself the job of getting food to you in some manner. Some days, the din in the mess hall is too much for your addled brain to handle.

And, perhaps the most precious of them all, the darling live-in nurse of yours with his deep dimples and endless patience. You move from your room to his so often that you might as well simply move your belongings into his space, to share it together and have things be simpler that way, but San insists that you both still need the option to have your own rooms should the need arise. He thankfully doesn’t urge you too hard to talk about any of the happenings on Rathmos, yet his eyes hold endless questions every time he looks in your direction. It isn’t a topic you can run from forever, you suppose.

Wordless comfort becomes your greatest friend in those days as well. Whether it manifests in the form of lopsided smiles or minute touches, you are deeply grateful for it all. Even when Seonghwa is the next to deliver it unto you.

Keep reading

#fic recs #LONG POST #i rly... went off #SFKDJKSFGDK #i am so utterly insane abt mists of celeste

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