#what if xkcd

[randomguy0ntumbir]

@xkcd-for-that @xkcd-what-if

Soulmates as a horror concept.

You WILL love this person. It doesn't matter who you loved before; any feelings you had, any promises you made, they will become inconsequential as soon as you lock eyes with the stranger Fate has picked for you.

There's no way to stop it.

There's no way to say "no."

You will meet someone and with a single glance, both of you will become someone new, someone who's now bound to this stranger whether you like it or not, want it or not.

Trapped in a dance together until the day you die.

[riacte]

not romantic not platonic but a secret third thing [what would happen between earth and the moon if the earth stopped spinning as illustrated by xkcd randall munroe]

[todays-xkcd]

it's finally here...

[t00thpasteface]

i've been seeing this recurring genre of solipsistic, "everyone's stupid but me" posts complaining about seeing fandom stuff in fandom tags on the fandom website for about a decade now and it's always just felt like this to me

[arashi-no-saxlphone]

Ok I know people on here probably already know this but like. I want to say. Asuka blowing up Japan was not just a "Haha I'm gonna just do this" it was a "Oh fuck what the fuck is happening we need to aim this so the entire earth doesn't get fucked" and last ditch directed it at Japan. I AM NOT EXCUSING THAT! I AM NOT SAYING ASUKA NEVER DID ANYTHING WRONG I JUST WANT PEOPLE TO UNDERSTAND THE EVENTS CORRECTLY! Asuka's main goal in turning Aria into Justice was to prevent the Gear Project from being used for war so he created Justice out of Aria (THIS is something you can hate him for this is an extremely fucked up thing to do and I'm not going to analyze what he did to Fredrick and Aria in this post because that's a whole other can of worms) as a command type Gear to be able to PREVENT total war by taking control of ALL gears. However UNBEKNOWNST to him the Universal Will was taking control of Justice/Aria as she awoke and was going to destroy humanity (because The Original fucked up in making the Universal Will and some weird clause happened where "protect humanity" ended up being "humanity is a threat to itself so they all have to die") by mutating the people in Japan into bombs. Asuka realized that if it went on like this the world might be destroyed and in the moment he redirected Justice with the last bit of control he had over her using Manual Override to just destroy Japan to prevent this. It was NOT an easy or light decision that he had time to make! He had to try and stop the Gear Project from being used for warfare and destruction, TWICE, and failed both times and ended up destroying the world anyway. He put the Flame of Corruption in Frederick and turned him into a gear as a failsafe before this, likely because Asuka ONLY had Frederick and Aria to rely on as friends at all. IN ABSOLUTELY NO WAY IS HE ABSOLVED OF ANY OF THOSE CRIMES! HE HASN'T EVEN ABSOLVED HIMSELF! HE DID NOT CHOOSE TO BECOME A MONSTER DOING FUCKED UP SHIT FOR NO REASON HE WAS IN A DIFFICULT POSITION BECAUSE OF WHAT HE CREATED WITH FREDERICK AND ARIA!! HE PLANS TO KILL HIMSELF IN HIS STRIVE ARCADE MODE FROM THE GUILT! STOP MAKING ME GO TO BAT FOR ASUKA BECAUSE PEOPLE WON'T READ! ALL OF THIS IS ON THE GGWIKI YOU ONLY NEED TO READ 2 OR 3 ENTRIES TO GET THAT BASIC LEVEL OF INFORMATION!! PLEASE!

I linked Asuka here but also seeing the entry for "Japan" will explain the situation. I am. NOT saying. Asuka was right. I AM saying that the idea that this is a wholly Black and White "everything in the world is his fault" situation is a GROSS FLANDERIZATION and oversimplification of what is an EXTREMELY compelling, horrifying, and tragic story of a man paving his way to hell with good intentions and I need. People to stop talking about Asuka or Chaos lore when they're on screen in Strive when they don't know what the hell they're talking about. Please.

[sluttyquarantinetheory]

I had to witness my coworkers attempts at pronouncing bionicle the other day and I've been thinking about it ever since.

[incorrect-hs-quotes]

uu: ALL OF THE BIRDS FROM "MARCH OF THE PENGuINS" ARE NOW DEAD.

TT: Yeah, I get it, I live 400 years after the end of human civilization. I was aware.

uu: WHAT. NO. THEY WERE ALIVE LAST NIGHT.

uu: I AM TRYING TO "APOLOGIZE."

TT: ...Oh my god.

[mamawasatesttube]

hi guys im here to plug that kon-el trivia quiz i made the other day again :> perchance check it out for funsies!!

[yesterdays-xkcd]

It means shuffling quickly past nuns on the street with ketchup in your palms, pretending you're hiding stigmata.

What xkcd Means [Explained]

Transcript Under the Cut

[Caption above the panels:] What does xkcd mean?

[Two cars sitting at a red light at a multi-lane intersection; one of them makes a right turn, then shifts over to the left lane and makes a U-turn across the dividing line to go back the way it came. It then shifts back to the right lane and makes another right turn, continuing down the road past the traffic light. This is shown with a red arrow.] It means saving a few seconds at a long red light via elaborate and questionably legal maneuvers.

[In an inset circle in the panel, someone is on a cell phone. In the panel itself, a second person is looking at a dog.] It means having someone call your cell phone to figure out where it is. Dog's stomach: Ring

[The mathematical function "A(g64, g64)=" appears in the panel. Next to the equal sign stands a mathematician, clutching his head.] It means calling the Ackermann function with Graham's number as the arguments just to horrify mathematicians. Mathematician: AUGHHH

[An approximately 8 by 8 square of floor tiles is shown. Each black tile has 2 tiles between itself and another on all sides, starting at the bottom left. A guy and girl are shown next to it, walking on what is presumed to be the same pattern of floor tiles.] It means instinctively constructing rules for which floor tiles it's okay to step on and then walking funny ever after. [Line indicating the uppermost right black tile: Black tiles okay.] [Line indicating tile directly below it: White tiles directly between black tiles okay.] [Line indicating a white tile in the last column over: Not okay.]

[chronotopes]

anyway does anyone else think noel streatfeild was kinda gay with it

[lastoneout]

Spiders Georg mention!!!!

[smallblueandloud]

truly the entire dropout subscription was worth it just to see BDG learn about the existence of star trek iv: the one with the whales, live on camera

[earhartsplane]

I've recently read What If 2, and since my brain has been pointing true IWTV for a few weeks now, I couldn't help but get stuck on this question:

Link to the entire thing:

This has two possible explanations: The first (most likely) is that vampires in IWTV don't get drunk on the actual alcohol in people's blood, they get drunk on the drunkenness. The second, much funnier explanation is that when you become a vampire you also become a lightweight who gets incredibly drunk on a pint of beer.

[todays-xkcd]

FYI: The 'drop, cover, and hold on' advice only applies to earthquakes. If you encounter a mountain lion, you should absolutely not drop to the ground, crawl under it, and hold on to one of its legs.

What to Do [Explained]

Transcript Under Cut

[The comic is laid out like a grid, with situations down the left-hand side (mountain lion / lightning / fire alarm / bleeding) and the solutions across the top (stand up straight, speak firmly, and slowly back away / run toward a building or hard-topped vehicle / calmly exit the building / apply firm pressure ). The grid illustrates the "match-ups", with a green square denoting a "correct" match-up and a red square denoting a bad idea.] [From the top left corner, going from left to right, top to bottom, with each first item being on its own line in the grid, the squares are as follows:] [Green square, a mountain lion (drawn as a large cat) sits on the left, on a perch. Cueball and Megan have their arms raised and are speaking to it.] Cueball: HEY. STOP. Megan: SHOO.

stand up straight, speak firmly, and slowly back away -> mountain lion

[Red square, Cueball and Megan are being chased by a mountain lion, and are running towards a building to their right.]

run toward a building or hard-topped vehicle -> mountain lion

[Red square, Cueball and Megan exit a building and approach a mountain lion.] Megan: Hello.

calmly exit the building -> mountain lion

[Red square, Cueball is putting his hands firmly on a mountain lion.]

apply firm pressure -> mountain lion

[Red square, lightning strikes a tree. Cueball is standing outside, with his arms raised, yelling at the lightning .] BOOM. Cueball: NO!

stand up straight, speak firmly, and slowly back away -> lightning

[Green square, lightning strikes a tree. Cueball and Megan run toward a building to their right.] BOOM.

run toward a building or hard-topped vehicle -> lightning

[Red square, lightning strikes a tree. Cueball and Megan exit a building and approach the lightning-struck tree.] BOOM.

calmly exit the building -> lightning

[Red square, lightning strikes a tree. Cueball pushes on the lightning-struck tree.] BOOM.

apply firm pressure -> lightning

[Red square, a fire alarm is beeping. Cueball yells at the alarm, with his arms raised.] BEEP BEEP BEEP! Cueball: HEY.

stand up straight, speak firmly, and slowly back away -> fire alarm

[Red square, a fire alarm is beeping next to a building with flames on its roof. Cueball and Megan run toward the burning building.] BEEP BEEP BEEP!

run toward a building or hard-topped vehicle -> fire alarm

[Green square, a fire alarm is beeping next to a house with flames on its roof. Cueball and Megan are exiting the burning building.] BEEP BEEP BEEP!

calmly exit the building -> fire alarm

[Red square, a fire alarm is beeping, and Cueball is trying to "suppress" the beeping sound. Behind him are flames.] BEEP BEEP BE-eep eep eep...

apply firm pressure -> fire alarm

[Red square, Cueball is bleeding from his right arm, and holds it. Megan to his right yells at him with her arms raised.] Megan: HEY! Megan: STOP IT!

stand up straight, speak firmly, and slowly back away -> bleeding

[Red square, Megan, holding a first aid kit in one hand and a bandage in the other, runs with a bleeding Cueball towards a building to their right.]

run toward a building or hard-topped vehicle -> bleeding

[Red square, Megan holds a bandage, and to the ground in front of her is a first aid kit. Cueball is walking to the right of the panel, with an injured and bloody left arm raised.] Cueball: Bye!

calmly exit the building -> bleeding

[Green square, Cueball sits in a chair and Megan is treating him by putting her hands on his injured limb. Behind her on the ground is a first aid kit.]

apply firm pressure -> bleeding

[incorrect-star-allies]

Dedede, at a computer: Okay, I should be able to double-boot BST soon.

*6 hours*

Dedede: I’ll be happy if I can get this system working like it was when I started.

*10 hours*

Dedede: Well, the desktop’s a lost cause, but I think I can fix the problems the laptop developed.

*24 hours*

Dedede: If we’re lucky, the sharks will stay away until we reach shallow water.

Susie: If we make it back alive, you’re never upgrading anything ever again.

[cameoappearance]

Before you spend $3 billion on plutonium, take note: Plutonium's critical mass is about 10 kilograms. So while you could fit 300 kilograms of it in a shoebox, you could only do so briefly.

XKCD: What If?