#what if shes gone and shes doing just fine where she is now and she doesn't miss me like i miss her
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It's my birthday! And Angels Before Man's second birthday from the original publishing! And almost three years since the original draft of it! Wow! Thank you all a million times for being here. Really, genuinely
I'd like for this extremely long post to be happier ! But a lot of people are really troubled by the United States election. There's a lot of fear-mongering online about what'll happen and a lot of real threats to marginalized people in the U.S. and abroad. I don't talk about my own identities a ton. I'm a gay, trans, Mexican from the US-Mex border. The vast majority of my family, community, and friends are immigrants of varying legal statuses. I could lose everything!! I fear for my family! My friends! For my body and my heart!
My mom called me yesterday morning, though, basically asking for an explanation. She told me she was shocked, she was scared, and I said that so was I, then we said, "Pos ni modo." Ni modo!! Oh well!!! What can we do now? We can keep doing what we've always done. Survive. That's all you really have to do at the end of the day, you know, survive.
My family is from a rough Mexican city that fell apart when I was little, a place where my own family has been kidnapped and bodies have been left mutilated in the street for everyone to see. The radio spoke in code to let you know not to go outside when things got really bad. There used to be mariachis in the street to greet American tourists but by the time I was little, they were mostly gone. Boarded up, abandoned stores and boarded up, abandoned homes. I remember being scared, and I remember not knowing what to do listening to a shoot out right outside. I remember my heart stopping when my family was stopped by the soldiers and they demanded money out of us for the first time.
(And I can talk also about living on the other side. The hyper policing, ICE, the racism when my school played against other schools, my parents forbidding me from speaking Spanish outside our Mexican enclave and to stay close to them, and I can talk about the aggression from the white nuns at my catholic school toward the latino kids, I can talk about having to see the border patrol every day just to go to school, I can even talk about Trump-supporters coming down to the border and making a mess of the place and I can talk and I can talk but why? what for??)
My family is all (mostly) still around. I'm here also. We're still here. All of that horrible stuff happened and is still happening to us y ni modo!! Ni modo ! The fight continues. You'll be fine if you allow yourself to be, and if you're not, then you really gave it your best shot, and the people around you will see that you did.
I know for a lot of people there might be the urge to spiral into doom and grieve, but you don't need to borrow the grief of the future. Today you can get up and roll up your sleeves and clean the house. That's what my parents tell me to do when I'm sad. Ponte a limpiar. Ponte a trabajar. I used to get mad at them for it, but in the end, you're only in charge of yourself and the places/things that you upkeep.
I was raised around nopales (prickly pear cacti) and, many years ago, I threw one out of my parent's house because I didn't know what to do with it. I didn't want it. I figured it'd get eaten by something or die somehow. The nopal started growing instead, and it's still there. It even grew a flower, though it hasn't given us a pear yet. My dad doesn't like the pears/tuna but my mom does, so we went out to check on it and while we were there, we heard a bird singing. He looked up and he told me it was a cenzontle and that it was singing a little song for the nopal. I had this thought about how even though I basically tried to kill it, the nopal was growing, thriving. it's an easy metaphor to make, but the earth gives you simple lessons sometimes.
(The monarchs pass by every year. They don't even do it legally. They cut the border line and don't wait their turn to talk to the Customs guys!!! They just fly overhead then look back at us like we're crazy. How can we explain this to them? How do I tell them that there's a place that hates us both)
All you have to do is survive. Whatever happens to me or my family or my friends, we will find a way to grow and find birds to sing along with. If there's so much grief in the future, then we can grieve when that time comes. In other words, canta y no llores. All you have to do is survive. Take it hour by the hour. Pick up the broom and get to work while you can.
Because I've talked too much, I wanted to remind everyone that my ebooks versions of my writing will always be free to read.
Maybe it'll come as a shock to you that a lot of ABM was about coping with losing a home forever, of remembering the feeling of wall paint that you will never feel again. But it's about survival too. I hope you all take care of yourselves as much as we can. This isn't a sad post! Go out and enjoy what you have! Go for a snack. Protect yourself however youre able to. I'm so lucky to have a birthday, to have lived this long. I hope my work will live on no matter how much the world might despise it. I've survived this far despite the world too, and so will ABM... I hope ! :)
#please forgive the long post#i dont really drop huge posts anymore but i figured expressing my feeling might help someone#sending you all a lot of love and comfort in this time#mine#and im sorry i couldnt get something super special done for today....#my birthday present today is to SLEEP#angels before man
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Previous post (mini recap)
"Can we talk?"
"That depends if you'll yell at me and take off again."
"Depending on what you say, I just might."
[PART 1 OF 2]
"... Why didn't you tell me?"
"I didn't know how to, without... that... happening. It was sheer coincidence that led Ingramâs descendants to keep coming here. I didn't think you'd believe me," Ray responded telepathically.
"I still don't."
"I have nothing to gain by lying to you."
She hates that part of him, how he manages to sound so disingenuous while still telling the truth. There's always something underneath the surface, but he never goes there unless she pokes and prods. She could have ended that explanation right then and there, but she continues.
"But not telling me that the Dewott that I've seen every other night was a Matsumoto this entire time? Keeping that to yourself is okay?"
One of the many problems of an infinite lifespan means that there's no longer agency to anything. There's no immediate need to address any personal matters when they theoretically have all the time left in the world.
He figured that he could have talked to her further down the line, when they both settled down and processed all of their feelings... Or so he thought.Â
Touchy subject or not, it was starting to sink in that he should've talked about this sooner. Granted, he never would have guessed that the circumstances would have led them to where they were now. Neither of them imagined that today wouldâve gone like this.
"Of course not...
... But can you blame me when you reacted like you did?"
"Alright, asshole, I came to apologize but if youâre going to-"
"You scared me."
"Rio, when you were released, when you found me again, you sat on that seat and you saidâŚâ
â... Nothing.â
The two of them sit still, time grinding to a halt while Rayâs eyes roamed the space underneath his handsâas if the grain in the wooden countertop was magically providing him instructions on how to organize his words.
Gods, he wished.
"You were so quiet, it was unsettling. Youâve never been one to shy away from talking about how you feel, so I know that something went terribly wrong. A Matsumoto stopping by every now and then seemed so inconsequential at the time. But⌠the more I thought about telling you, the more I second guessed myself.
So I left it unspoken. I had a feeling you would be angry with me and I was right... But I never thought you'd be furious.
We carried on quietly for the past six months because I wanted you to take the first step. I figured that youâd be ready whenever you felt like you it, but I should have told you about this without having to make you dredge up the past by yourself."
I'm sorry."
"This is supposed to be my apology about yelling at you, you prick." Rio telepathically mutters, not expecting this level of genuine introspection from him. "How am I supposed to follow that?"
She watches as Ray visibly laughs off the tension in his shoulders. She lets out a short huff in response, turning back to the counter.
"I thought I was fine. I thought I was better than thisâabove it all. We went through something like this before, back when we first started. I thought weâd shrug it off like we did last time, but then I snapped like a toothpick today."
Ray watches as her face scrunches up in a cocktail of negative emotions. She seems like she's physically struggling to get anything out, which is an effort that didn't go unnoticed by Ray.
"I think running a ramen stand as a rockruff is exactly how I am now: absolutely useless. I'm not allowed to be useful. I'm not allowed to do my job as a Shepherd.
And that's a good thing, because now I can't stop thinking about all my mistakes--all the people I failed to protect. There's no use in a guardian angel that loses faith in herself."
She turns, facing the street, thankful that it was relatively empty at this time of hour.
âSo... I sat here, on this very stool, watching every day as everybody moved on with their lives without a care in the world. Ordinary people who seem to be doing fine without me.âÂ
Rio shakes her head at the term "ordinary people,â laughing bitterly as she turns back around.
âI know Iâm being stupid. A carefree life for everyone is what we work so hard for, yet I feel so⌠so pissed off at them for being none-the-wiser.
Imagine that: being mad that peace is the new âordinary.â Angry that these people don't know what it's like to live with the constant threat of death, even though none of them deserve it. It makes me feel like a shitty shepherd.
I thought it'd be easier if I slept through those moments, but every other time I fall asleep, I have a nightmare. When I try to think of anything else, all I can think about is how this all started. I thought about all the things we did to get to this point. I couldn't, and still can't, stop thinking about everything I did wrong back then and now.â
Ray heaves a heavy sigh, partly because he feels relieved that she's opening up to him, but another partly because he knows exactly what she's talking about.
âYeah.â
She didnât need him to say anything else. She knows that he knows. She'll tell him the full extent of what she went through and what she's going through, but that's for another day. That isn't the purpose of this specific conversation, after all.
She paws the empty glass around on the table sheepishly for a long moment. Finally, she gathers herself and turns to him.
âIâm sorry I made you cry.âÂ
âI know.â
âThanks for putting up with me.â
âYouâve been there for me. I wouldn't have it any other way.â
[Next]
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OverProtective (Spock TOS)
Description: After Y/N hurts herself on a mission, Spock becomes overprotective
Word Count: 1,257
Request:Could you please do a Data x Reader or Spock x Reader fan ficm. Preferably where he is protective of the reader. Smut or no smut is fine just have fun with it! But if you don't want to that's totally understandable, thank you!
Y/N sat on the bed as Bones examined her broken arm. âYouâre gonna need surgery.â He tells her and she sighs. Great. The mission couldnât have gone worseâŚwell she could be dead. Bones had given her a lot of sprays to numb the pain and she was very thankful that but if she even looks at her arm she feels the pain. Spock was through the door moments later. Y/N couldnât even look at him as she could tell that in his own way he was glaring at her for not being more careful. âIt uh it wasnât my fault.â She told him and she knew that if he allowed himself he would have rolled his eyes. âYou are going to need surgery for that.â He tells her as if Bones didnât already. âShe knows that you pointy eared hobgoblin. Now go.â He tells Spock so he can fix her arm.Â
Itâs been awhile since that had happened and Spock would not let her out of his sight. Even with her arm better she hasnât been on a mission in so long and couldnât understand why. Did the Captain think that this would happen again? Kirk actually assigned her to a few missions but Spock removed her from them and assigned someone else. Y/N had no idea about this until she went to talk to Kirk about it. âI assigned you to a few missions Y/N but Spock took you off them for your safety.â Her eyes widened and she couldnât believe that her boyfriend would do such a thing. She was mad and the look on her face said so, so when Kirk left the room with an awkward goodbye Y/N ran to their quarters. Spock had the day off but he was gonna wish he hadnât. âSo youâre the reason why I havenât gone on any missions?â Y/N accused him. âI reassigned you from them for your safety.â He tells her not bothered by her outbursts. âWhat the fuck, Spock. That is not okay. Why would you do that?â It was like she had missed the part about being concerned for her safety. âI want you to be safe and on missions you do not seem to be.â Her eyes widened. âOne mission goes wrong and you do this?â âY/N it is not my intention to make you mad at me but you must understand that your life was on the line.â âYour life is on the line all the time Spockâ âYes but I am Vulcan so it is much harder for me to be harmed.â She laughed. A sarcastic and unbelievable laugh. âSo this is what this is about? You view me as a weak human and you think you are better than me.â âI did not say that.â âSpock you say it all the time to Kirk and Bones in your own twisted way!â She yelled at him. âYou arenât my mother, you donât get to tell me what to do and take away opportunities from me!â She goes on. âI am your superior, I am above you in the line of work.â Oh wow. âOkay Spock I donât care. You are not to reassign me from missions or else.â âIf that is how you feel then maybe we should.â But before he could finish his sentence she held up a hand. âDonât. Donât try that on me because you think it is illogical to argue. It is illogical for you to mess with your girlfriendâs work.âÂ
Christine and Y/N sat in her quarters as they ate and talked about what happened. âLike he thinks thatâs okay and for what? He has no right to do that and itâs like everytime we get in to an argument he tries to end the relationship.â Christine listens as Y/N rants about him. âSpock is just like that. But I do know this. He loves you very much.â Y/N rolled her eyes at that. She started to not believe that. âThink about it. He doesnât want you getting hurt and yes heâs going about it the wrong way but still.â Y/N sighed. Christine was right Spock was being overprotective but he was going overboard with it.Â
Y/N decided to spend the night in Christineâs quarters not wanting to deal with Spock. She forgot to tell him about it since she was so mad at him. In the morning, she had gotten up and Christine was already gone. So she left her quarters and returned to hers to see that Spock was also already gone. She yawned and decided to take a shower before her shift. She headed to the bridge where everyone was and Spock noticed her. She didnât even look in his direction. Spock had no idea where she was and he couldnât even think until he saw that she was okay. âMorning Y/N.â âMorning Kirk.â She said and got to her station that was unfortunately right by Spockâs. âYou did not attend our quarters last night. I was worried.â She thought about ignoring him but he never admits his emotions. âI was sleeping at Christineâs.â She said without looking at him. âI would like to be notified when you decide you would not like to sleep in our quarters.â That just made her more angry. âAnd I would like a boyfriend that isnât up my ass about everything and ruins my opportunity to go on missions.â She growled at him. âIt is not my attempt to stop you from going to work but with your recent injury it is logical that you do not go on any.â âSpock my arm is healed, you can stop with that bullshit.â âIt is not bullshit. It is me loving you!â The Bridge stared at the Vulcan. Y/N stared at her boyfriend in shock. He had never had an outbursts or even yelled let alone at work. Without asking Kirk if he could be excused he left. âSure Spock you are excused.â Kirk mumbled. Y/N shook her head and got back to work.Â
It never left her mind. His outburst and the fact that he admitted to loving her in public. He rarely ever said it. It never bothered her that he didnât say it she knew that he loved her. She loved him but she was getting sick of him babying her. She sighed and opened their quarters door. âSpock are you in here?â She asked. She saw him at his desk and he looked tired. âSpock are you okay?â She asked and walked closer to him. âI do not know.â He said and truthfully that worried her. âSpock youâve never done that before.â She said and sat next to him. âI know and that is why I had to leave my station. I think I am sick.â Y/N held back a laugh. He wasnât sick. He just wasnât used to having that much emotion. âSpock youâre not sick. We both are just frustrated with the situation. I love you Spock and I donât want us leaving each other but you have to let me be me and go on missions and do my job.â She said. âI apologize for holding you back.â He said and looked at her. âYou donât hold me back Spock but this was a little annoying.â She said and he understood that this job was never promised to be easy. âNow how about you relax the rest of the night and maybe take Tomorrow off. You need rest.â She tells him. He looks at her and smirks. âNow whoâs being overprotective?â
#star trek#star trek tos#star trek the original series#star trek x reader#star trek imagine#spock#spock tos#spock x reader#spock imagine#s'chn t'gai spock#leonard nimoy
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omg but that sounds so funny?
It makes it sound like it is a job. Ah yes i need to get this to Ancha before she clocks out from Lore-duties. *scribbling lore as i speak don't mind me*
It is just such an Killer idea and i lvoe that for him. He is going to play two truths and a lie with the king his new boss! :D okay but also. When Ccino walks in to help? Killer is probably a bit annoyed. because that just isn't fair. ccino is probably a horrible liar. this is about good liars :/
and then ccino is able to just stare him down and lie with such a straight deadpan face that killer is honestly excited to figure it out himself.
(also ccino is really fucking good at spotting lies?! holy shit where did the king find this guy and hrie him?! why just for like house sitting and not as advisor what the hell?)
it becomes fun! and nightmare 100% joins in. He needs to be able to lie with a straight face. yes nightmare. even if you dislike the idea of lying. it is needed sometimes. now. lets practise.
A little helmet for the man who will fight in the war and win the war for nightmare's affection!
cross leaning to the side: aren't they already dating? killer: just let him have his moment.
nightmar enad dust meanwhile are just chilling and riding. nightmare shares a bit of his anxieties of error turning 16. what if he decides to move out after all? why would error still want to stay if he gets money and realises he can go anywhere? what is keeping him from going to life with geno and reaper after all?
dust helps him calm down.
Ccino would ahve so much anxieties about having children. He already raise two! and error a tiny bit. he was at least an actual babysitter for him. but this is terrifying. He wants a child with killer. he really does.
but he is just terrified. of everything.
Ccino probably tries to talk with killer about it normally but eventually he just breaks down and stays in killer's arms and hold. there is just so much trauma he didn't have time to process and then he got busy and things got better so why think about trauma and the past? it is gone now. it is fine.
killer jsut holding his mate. letting him let it all out. so much trauma build up that NEEDS to be released. and killer is here for him. reassuring him that they are a team and they have a group that will help them. no one is going to take them from their little baby (the fact ccino is scared his baby will be left alone. that what happened to him will happened to the baby. he isn't even afraid of the fact he would die. just that his baby would ahve no one.)
but i agree. ccino is composed because he doens't let himself be anything BUT composed. he ahs to be composed and controlled. first because otherwise it wasn't perfect and nim would kill him. then because he had to do his work. then failing would mean that nightmare or dream would not be cared for. and it just... it was never the time for him to not be composed and ccino just got used to it after a while. but his wounds never healed. and the fear is so real and still so there. the stress of it all just build on top of it.
Killer already really sees how much damage it did to ccino. Ccino never shows weakness even if the knights know his story by now. but ccino never showed anything but composure and acceptance of his past. They thought that ccino had processed it all.
turns out? nope... ccino.... ccino really is just a very good liar. even to himself.
yes!! Love that :D the boys face is so important and the masks mean so much! it is beauitful story telling <3
Dust had a beautiful and loving family. and that is why he left. he knew he couldn't be trusted anymore. not with their safety. and he refused to harm his family even further.
Yes! Phantom never got over his brother leaving (he isn't stupid. he knows dust pulled away after he injured him. and then he was gone. phantom just wnat shis brother back) each rain drop would give him hope. phantom would rush outside and search through the rainfall. looking for his older brother. because the rain is back! Dust brings the rain! please... please be back.
Phantom had to deal with disappointment so often.
so to feel a very light drizzle? on a very sunny day? his hope instantly returns and when he turns around... there he is.
nightmare can see how happy dust is. nightmare feeling like such an intruder and just. he can't help it. he is just akid again. a kid who lost so much in his life. he just can't lose one of his brothers. so he introduces himself with a claim. that is one of HIS brothers...
and they welcome him. they are so nice to him and are so hapyp for dust that he managed to trust himself again. and he let himself love someone!
STOP! STOP! 'how did you two meet?' 'He broke me out of prison' 'Dust!! I DID NOT!'
that is the FUNNIEST take Dust could have taken. but it is the perfect ice breakers. and dust tells the whole story. what he did. where he went. what he accomplished. The family listens to the whole story. and they all look shocked but accept it all. AND THE INVITATION to the castle!! I love that!
(stop!! error would be the most JEALOUS little menace. euh. who are you? You are dust's little brother? funny. because he is already nightmare's and my brother :/ you sure you don't ahve the wrong skeleton on your mind?
the kngihts are also VERY excited to meet them. Dsut realises this was a mistake.)
Dust hates his soul because it is unnatural and weird and clearly broken. and i love that he disliked killer's soul first as well because of his own situation. but dust does move to defend him. No matter what. and that says enough.
and geno finds it beatiful! IT is gorgeous! geno just wants to stare at it in awe and please let him hold it? geno promise to be careful and gentle and-
reaper seperates the two because both look in a mood and the moods do NOT allign. thought reaper agress with geno. it is very beautiful. but dust isn't ready to hear that.
I love everything about the fresh meeting. just all of it.
espeically because error finally gets the closure he needed with fresh. and it turned out fresh loved him so much. and that the parasite that he accidentally aquired thought of error as food.
(the fact dust managed to get the thing the heel and behave is so funny. someone is going to make the joke that the parasite must be at least PARTYL horse then)
and i love that error learns way to make him able to touch tohers (he is going to hold nightmare's hand and ksis him one of these days it is HIS GOAL)
i love all these sillies <3
New Age AU (Error's Wacky Wild Plan)
Hi guys. So. Crazy Story. The crisis that stopped me from working on my banner art actually catapulted me into writing this drabble finally! (Also the wonderful @ancha-aus was also a life-saver and helped me hammer out a few plot points for this installment <3)
Currently my only context for this drabble is that Error is tiny, and ran away from home because Geno moved to Reaper's kingdom to make money to send back home, and Fresh spent too long away on his trip. Error was expelled from his magic academy and came home to an empty house, so he left! Now he's been on the road for about a month? Nightmare has been ruling for about 6-ish years now, almost 7.
(Hello @mutzelputz and @papiliovolens hi guys!!!)
     The town was bustling.Â
   Error had been through a lot of towns since heâd left. Big ones, small ones, ones he was convinced werenât even towns at all, just a few barns in a general closeness to one another who decided they needed to call themselves something besides the outskirts. Those people had been particularly hostile to his passing through.
   And, lately, theyâd been really weird. People staring at him when heâd walk on the streets, or pass by shops. When they saw he had money from a different kingdom (he didnât even realize heâd left his own, but he figured it meant he was on the right path) theyâd squeeze their faces like they bit a lemon and hastily take his coin. Like it was cursed, or something. They were lucky it wasnât cursed, honestly. He could probably figure out how to do that.
    This town, though, was filled so full with people that he imagined they couldnât look at him weird if they wanted to.Â
   People were riding horses, chatting in the streets, all sorts of stalls and merchants were peddling goods, and he was almost positive he could hear music lifting down the street over the general drone. He couldnât remember the last time heâd run into a place so busy. Heâd always been told to stick to the side, out of the way, out of danger.Â
   He didnât have to listen to that anymore. Though, he did skirt the crowds. The mass of people seemed all too willing to bump shoulders or elbows with each other in the early morning sun, and the last thing he wanted was to have his magic act up in a crowd. Heâd done well so far.Â
   Every booth, every merchant, every passerby seemed jubilant, ebbing and flowing. It was like some sort of party.Â
   That was, until, Error spotted it.
   A big building, something that Error recognized only vaguely.Â
   It was an amphitheatre.Â
   Geno had taken him to see one once. Or, at least, the ruin of one. It hadnât been too far from their home, and it was pretty abandoned and lonely. Plants had crawled up its walls, stones had fallen off in chunks, animals seemed to have deemed its high windows a perfect spot to build nests. It had been breathtaking, and ancient.Â
   This one? Seemed perfectly in-use.Â
   The walls were all in-tact, stones, an easy to look at grey, smooth and covered in little intricate carvings. Spells, he had to imagine, in some language he didnât know. Curtains hung over the huge arched entrances, and heavy gates seemed to be lifted, the spikes at the base loomed over the heads of every passerby.Â
   He couldnât help but marvel. Was this a restoration, or maybe it was new. Some sort of imitation. Regardless, he found that his feet carried him to one of the entrances, which stood largely empty aside from some folks who looked strikingly like guards.
   Two of them stood, long spears in-hand. They both stood stock still as Error approached, and didnât move a muscle as he passed them. They were strange, definitely different. Not at all the town guard he was familiar with.Â
   The inside of the theatre was even more impressive. Rows and rows of stands seemed to line up either side. Huge tapestry hung from the high arches past those seats, and down the runways of the bleachers, all a bright teal and dark navy blue. They seemed fancy, and much newer than the curtains which had hung in the entrance.Â
   Beyond the walkway where he stood, was a set of stairs which led down a level or so, before it leveled out into an open space. Sandy, and very flat. It seemed like there were people there, too. A much smaller crowd, but still a crowd nonetheless.Â
   Error was almost amazed heâd not been stopped by someone yet. Whatever was going on seemed important, and so far in his experience, people did not like him sticking his nose into important business.Â
   With that in mind, he decided heâd stick to the entryway for now. He leaned his bag up against the wall and watched from a position where the sun still shadowed his form. He was often grateful for his miscolored bones. It made hiding in the dark a whole lot easier.Â
   It took a bit for him to really process what he was watching in the morning light.Â
   There were four people sat on a sort of raised box toward the front of a stage. A huge stage, raised up off the sand with wood slats. They had a long-table before them, and quills and ink jars in-hand. Well, three were sitting. One was standing. But the point is, they were all watching the stage very attentively.Â
   On-stage there was⌠basically nothing. Only a simple backdrop Error had to imagine was there at all times, because it looked like it was coated in sand, even from the distance where he stood.
   A person would enter the stage, the people sat on the box would speak to them, and then there was a flare of magic. Another. Another. And then they were dismissed.Â
   It wasnât until he really bothered to think about what magic was being cast that he realized those were extremely simple spells being used. Levitate, Create Water, Mimicry. Or Flame, Gust, Light. All just three easy spells, and then they were off-stage. That was taught magic. It gave him memories of his entrance exam to his school. Heâd been way overqualified to get in, Geno taught him after allâŚ
   But, no, this didnât feel the same. There were plenty of people who seemed to stumble at spells they didnât recognize, or who couldnât muster a simple breeze. Then others who were very old and obviously skilled. Obviously they found the three spells to be childâs play. Like Error would. This was no entrance exam, so what-
   âHey, pipsqueak, what are you doing there in the dark?â A voice startled him, and it took all of his willpower to avoid jumping away from its origin.Â
   Error twisted rapidly, just in time to avoid the thrust of an elbow in his direction.Â
   There was a monster there. Three, actually. Two lizards, both bright green and tropical, and one who looked more like a dragon. The green one closer to him must have spoken, because he laughed at Errorâs flinch.Â
   âWhy are you bothering me?â Error shot back haughtily.Â
   The lizard seemed to grin at the response. Â
   âOh, so weâve got a feisty little small fry here? Thinks heâs scoping out the competition?â The dragonish one hissed, voice deep.Â
   The other green one tittered a giggle, âSo cute! I canât believe the King really decided to let just anyone try out for Royal Mage.âÂ
   OhâŚ
   The lizard before him seemed to take this silence as a weakness, and reached out quicker than Error could react. A flick to the middle of his forehead.Â
   Error winced and pulled away, back and into the arena. He grit his teeth and clutched his skull, where at the same moment the lizard jumped back and shook their hand in the air a bit. His magic had reacted poorly again, and while it was better than it used to be, it still stung like 5 wasps touching down and stinging the same point all at once.Â
   âLittle freak.â Was all the monster hissed, before he fled. His two friends moving on behind him in confusion. Approaching the line to the stage.Â
   Error stood there in the sun for a moment, rubbing at his forehead until the pain was more of a numb static.Â
   If anything, he appreciated the little run-in with those wanna-bes. Now he knew exactly what this was, and why it had felt so familiar to him.Â
   The Mage Trials.Â
   Geno had to go through them, and heâs been very thorough about his every single detail while doing it. Even though he was the best mage Error had ever known, heâd still stressed and wrote page after page of plans and spells and had placed them into a folder that felt thicker than an encyclopedia. Geno had always been the only one of them who bothered studying. Fresh couldnât go to school anymore, and Error⌠Well, Error didnât need to.Â
   Thinking about it, Geno had been very quiet about it, but Error had looked into his folder a few times. Just out of curiosity. Itâd been split into three rounds, something Geno had said was standardized. The first was a test of someoneâs basic magic skills, the second were more complex spells which the mage has practice in, and the third, the one that had given Geno the most grief, was the personal spell round. In the last one, there were no restrictions to what someone could do, so long as they had done the work themselves, and that it mostly used magic.Â
   If he was right, and he usually was, then this was the first round. Eliminating those with nothing but a hope and a prayer in their pocket before they got embarrassed before the one looking for the Mage in the first place. In this case, whoever this kingdomâs king even was.Â
   In just a few moments, Error had decided.Â
   This was how heâd prove himself.Â
   The line was already starting to get longer, and he didnât want to be here until nightfall in a queue. He dusted off his scarf, his shoes, his bag, and set off into the bright sun to secure his place in this contest. No prep. No warning. Just with his raw skill and what heâd learned so far. Nothing could possibly go wrong.Â
.
   Finally.Â
   Error felt like it had been hours in the warm sun before he was finally up next.Â
   Heâd been watching, of course. Watching as the people before him were passed or failed. It was just as heâd expected, and he couldnât help but be a bit giddy as the two green lizard whoâd bothered him earlier both failed. Though their dragonish friend had passed, it was still enough of a victory for him.
   Along with that, he noticed that the three people sat were all in robes of nobles. Something the wealthy and lofty would think to wear in a blazing hot arena all day. The one standing, though, was wearing all black. A hood was over his head, but Error thought he might be some sort of cat-monster. Very stone faced, very still. The only time Error had seen him move was seemingly to veto whatever choice the other three were making. He thought it was interesting.Â
   That didnât matter, though.Â
   Based on what heâd seen, these people wouldnât have any qualms with his magic. He was much better than half the people whoâd already been passed, and knew he could keep him calm up on the stage. Itâd be just like his entrance exam.Â
   He watched as the monster whoâd gone before him, a skeleton who was twice his height and twice as animal-ish, bowed gratefully to the people on the boxes, the evaluators, and exited. Sheâd passed fairly easily, Error thought. Though, her focus seemed elsewhere based on how shaky the hold on her last flame had been.Â
   âNext!âÂ
   The call was shrill, and Error had heard it over a hundred times already today, but this time it bounced in his ears as he lifted himself up the steps and strode onstage.Â
   If heâd thought about it, he wouldâve tried to find a place to stache his bag, but it was too late for that, and frankly he didnât trust it not to get stolen once it was out of his sight. Not with how busy the city seemed.Â
   When he was stood in the center of the stage, he looked out across the way to the evaluators. They seemed closer up here than they did when he was on the ground. Interesting.Â
   âFirst spell,â The person on the far left called, though Error could tell now that it was a voice projection spell. So they didnât strain their vocal chords, â Levitate.â
   That was simple. One of the first spells heâd been taught as a kid.Â
   His eyes skimmed briefly, there had been a few props on stage that he only noticed once he was closer that were meant to be used with this sort of spell, but Error wasnât for that. Instead, he muttered the words under his breath, outstretched a hand, and felt his magic reach out around him. Beyond the stage.Â
   There⌠There was a barrier of some sorts, pushing back against his magic, between himself and the evaluators. He furrowed his brow and urged his magic forward. He didnât have to break through it. He just. Had to- His magic felt like it was looping and wriggling like a worm through the dirt, but when it broke through on the other end, it felt so much more clear. He could feel a potent magic there, something raw and wet, like the air before a storm.Â
   That didnât matter, though. None of it did, because he was on a mission. His magic finally found its target, the stacks of ink bottles which the middle evaluator had just before their parchment. The magic latched on, and Error finally allowed himself a grin as he tugged his hand upwards. They floated calmly into the air, three of them, and did a quick spinning motion, before settling back down just where heâd found them.
   He didnât catch the looks on the threes faces, but he had to imagine they were priceless. He was more focused on letting the spell dissipate and preparing for the next.Â
   It took a moment, before, âSecond Spell,â They said, âCreate Water.âÂ
   Another easy one.Â
   Error held his hand out again, though this time his palm faced the sky rather than the ground. At the mutter of his words, he could feel the water manifesting. Tiny droplets leaking from his fingers and into the air above his open palm, where he let it gather into a nice, easy sphere.Â
   It hovered, and for this one he could see the nods from the three evaluators. The fourth, the cat monster, didnât move an inch. A good sign.Â
   Error, after a breath, moved the orb of water and simply set it on the stage floor. If he had to release it, he didnât exactly want to get his clothes wet. That orb tended to shoot outwards when he released it, and the water would go everywhere.Â
   âThird spell,â They mustâve been contented with his simply setting down the water, for they continued, âFlame.â
   Ah, one of his favorites. He was never very good at it, of course, but it was certainly very fun. If nothing else itâd be a taste of his raw power.
   He rolled up his hanging sleeves, quickly using strands of string to wrap them in place, before he picked back up the water orb in one hand. With the other, he faced his palm toward the side of it, and spoke the words for the flame spell.Â
   The heat gathered in his wrist, and all at once shot out of his palm, like a cannon blast. The heat was intense, and Error laughed quietly to himself in pure elation as the fire did exactly what he was hoping. All at once, his glasses fogged, and a burst of steam blew past his face, off to the exiting side of the stage. Heâd evaporated his orb, no longer needing to risk someone seeing him fumble with it and soak himself.Â
   He let the fire die after a few second, and quickly grabbed the hem of his scarf to wipe down his glasses from the fog left behind on their surface.Â
   The moment the red rims were back on the bridge of his nose, the voice spoke up again.Â
   âName?â
   Error cleared his throat, before calling back his name in response. Just the first one, the last one didnât matter anymore.Â
   There was another few breaths of quiet, before,Â
   âAge?â
   Error hadnât heard them ask anyone else for their age, but he figured theyâd noticed. How strong and talented he was at such a young age.Â
  He puffed up his chest when he announced, âTwelve!â to the arena.Â
   There were a few muffled murmurs from the line, but Error was too busy grinning across the way at the evaluators as they seemed to talk amongst themselves.Â
   He was ready to hear the word that would mark him to continue. The next part was tomorrow, after this round was concluded and the king arrived. Heâd heard about it in the line while he was waiting.Â
   One of the evaluators lifted their gaze back to him. Opened their mouth.
   âDisqualified.â
   That.
   Huh?
   Error mustâve visibly glitched at the response, because one of the evaluators seemed to flinch. Ever so slightly.Â
   âHow come?!â Error called back, reservations immediately fleeing his mind.
   How could they disqualify him? He hadnât heard them do that to literally anyone else so far today.Â
   The evaluator on the far right spoke up, âToo young. Now please move off the-â
   Error mightâve let his mouth speak before his mind, if he hadnât seen the way the mysterious cat monster seemed to slink forward. A simple tap to the evaluatorâs side and they stopped mid-sentence, attention drawing to the person.Â
   He waited with balled fists. Hoping, against it all, that this person was using his mighty veto powers to get him his passing review.Â
   âThe Knight wishes to speak to you further.â They said, when the person, the Knight, took a step back. âExit the stage.âÂ
   Mm.Â
   This was his chance. This was his moment. He was being allowed to move on, he was sure of it. It had to be.Â
   He practically scrambled off the stage and down the steps, and found that the Knight had closed the distance very quickly. He gestured silently for Error to follow him off to the side of the arena, seemingly outside of the voice spellâs range, as the noise of magic and calling for the next viewer seemed all muffled and contained.Â
   Something Error noticed about the guy, now that he was right beside him walking along, was also that he wasnât a cat monster. No, he had some sort of mask shaped like a cat. Black spots painted on black fur, with piercing white eyelights hidden in the darkness cast by his black hood. A cloth mask covered the lower half of his face, so Error wouldâve had no idea what kind of monster he was, if he hadnât left his hands uncovered. They were grey and grimy, but they were most certainly bones.Â
   The other thing he noticed, was the magic. That damp, airy magic was no-doubt from this guy. It practically enveloped the both of them until they were stood in the shade of the wall separating bleachers from arena floor.Â
   âYou said youâre twelve?â He finally asked, shifting on his feet to look at Error.Â
   The last thing he noticed, which only happened once he was able to look past the aura, was that. Well. He was a bit taller than this guy. Not by much, but there was certainly something stark about having to look a bit downwards to meet his eyelights.Â
   âYes, I am.â He claimed proudly, still convinced this was to be his ride to the top.
   The knight seemed to skim him with his eyes. Surely taking in Errorâs clothes, his bag, his glasses, the weird bones. Though, it didnât feel pervasive.Â
   âImpressively strong for a kid,â He praised loosely, âAnd probably talented in spells if the nerds were any indication.âÂ
   His voice was quiet and raspy, but Error had no problem listening to it. This strong and very cool guy who was called a âknightâ was praising him. This was much better than getting yelled at by his professors. Much.Â
   âDoes that mean I passed?â He asked impatiently.Â
   He needed this. He needed this.Â
   The guyâs eyelights lingered on his face a bit, and it was then that Error finally noticed how virtually unreadable this guy was. Impossibly quiet, posture unmoving, all facial features shrouded in shadow and covered by masks?
   âIâm not sure what kingdom youâre from, but youâve got to understand that the folks up there didnât say no because youâre bad. They said no because the king made a new decree. âNo soul under the age of 16 shall be put to work under the crown.â Theyâve gotta take it seriously, just like everyone else has to follow the new rules about their own shops and businesses.â He said evenly, eyelights never leaving Errorâs face. âYouâre a couple years too early is all.âÂ
   It felt like heâd been shoved into a ditch, and he could already feel his right hand starting to tremble with the beginnings of a glitch. He was furious! How could they possibly say no to him because of some stupid rule about his age?Â
   âNo!â He exclaimed, trying to bite back the distortion on his voice, âIâm not going to just walk away. If I could just move on to the next round, theyâd see Iâm different! Iâm not some weak little baby!âÂ
   He clenched his fists, driving his jittering one forcefully into his pocket.Â
   The knight didnât even flinch at his declaration.Â
   âTheyâve already seen that.â He said easily. âListen to me. Error, right?âÂ
   Error hesitantly nodded.Â
   âError, âm sure that if my Lord saw you in action, he too would agree that you are very strong and resourceful.â The knight said, and Error hated that it sounded earnest. âBut, he set that law into place for very good reason. If by any means those folks back there were to let you through, to pass you, and you made it before the king next round? Theyâd have committed treason, and Iâd have their souls on the end of my bone in three seconds flat.âÂ
   His voice was hard and serious, and Error held strong as a loud crack echoed out beside the knight. A bone raised from the ground, sharp and jagged on the end, absolutely radiating magic.Â
   âDo you really want their blood on your conscience, just so that you get sent away by the King anyways?â The knight offered.Â
   Error hunched his shoulders a bit, and he felt his static worsen as he let his eyes linger on the bone. Yes. He muttered inside his head. He wanted to scream it at the man before him. Tell him that this was his one golden chance to prove himself.Â
   But to who? He would ask, and Error wouldnât be able to say it. Itâd be a wasted sentiment and wasted time and wasted lives just for his temper tantrum.Â
   â...No.â He bit out meekly.Â
   He stood there, feeling a familiar shame creep up his spine. The knight made no move to leave, though he did let his bone disappear. The ground looked untouched from where it had split out of. Just more sand. Sand that was getting into Errorâs bones. That heâd have to clean out later. Swinging in his hammock, lonely and moping.Â
   âHeh,â The chuckle was almost inaudible, and Error was almost ready to let his distress turn back into rage, but, âBetter kid than I was.â The Knight mused into the open air.
   He seemed to shift his stance again, and Error took a half step back.Â
   âYouâve got your life ahead of you, kid. Donât let this keep you down. Take the road less traveled by or whatever.â He said then, waving a hand loosely before him.Â
   Error stared at him, trying to even his breath, before he had an idea.Â
   âThe other two rounds will be here, right?â He asked, voice still harshly stuttering and screeching. The Knight seemed unbothered.
   âYeah. Planning on sticking around to watch?â The knight questioned, though it felt more like a warning.Â
   Error nodded in agreement without hesitation. âIf these geezers can get the job, I need to see what kind of tricks they have up their sleeves.â He agreed.Â
   That earned another little chuckle, before the knight looked back to the stage.Â
   Up in the center was a new mage, a human who seemed to be making a pretty wild wind that was whipping the sand around, bothering the people in line behind him. Error heard the knight make a scoffing noise, before turning back towards the stage.
   âGo hang around somewhere else for a while, why donât you? I have to go make sure those nerds donât pass that guy.âÂ
   Error didnât even get to say a farewell before the Knight was off.Â
   It seemed like every stride he teleported a bit further, building speed until he stopped cleanly up on the pedestal. Just in time for the sandstorm to die down.Â
   Error didnât want to walk away from this, he didnât, but staying would only waste his time. It only took a few more seconds, to watch the knight nudge the evaluator and hear the muffled call of âfailâ ring out across the arena before he was turning tail and moving out of the sandy paradise, back into the bustle of the living city.Â
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.
   It was impossible to miss it. The sounds of celebration as the monarch entered the town.Â
   Error could see the royal carriage from his perch, an old temple tower that had at some point lost its bell. It seemed untouched, birds nests and cobwebs, so heâd set up a hammock and a little makeshift shelter inside using his strings just before night fell.Â
   Heâd snatched some food from the town as dusk was setting in, and heâd been comfortably whittling away the dark hours, working hard on his plan.Â
   With the King officially in town, that meant the second round would be starting up shortly, taking the numbers of who would be in the third round down by hundreds. He hoped the king was stingy about it. He hoped that dragonish monster would stumble on his spell and turn someone into a frog.Â
   The thought humored him, and he cackled quietly to himself from his makeshift room.Â
   The sun was high again, and he was only a part of the way through. His spells required a lot of his magic to be woven into them, and while it was much much faster than what heâd heard was the usual, it was still difficult to make.Â
   Weaving the blue strings from his sockets, to his fingers, around his fingertips, and into the shapes he needed. It was monotonous, and boring by all accounts, but with every strand there was a new flow of power. A new pump of adrenaline into Errorâs soul as he recognized his creation becoming more potent. Intent, intent, intent, every loop and knot was filled to the brim with it. His frustration sat at the core. Much more volatile and destructive than his usual intent, but it would serve him well if he wanted this plan to go well. Around it was his determination. The strings woven in with a sense of stubbornness which refused to let go, like a snake swallowing its prey whole. This would compress the first layer into a proper state. Let it coil and coil and coil until it burst. Itâd be big, and loud, and send out that message he so desperately needed to be heard by the king.Â
   Skipping the second round would probably hurt him in the long run, but⌠That knight had said heâd have to kill those people if he showed his face in round two. So, heâd just appear in round three instead, and make up for missing the second one. A final act, of sorts.Â
   Heâd have to be at this all day to make the time crunch. The orb was hardly as big as his palm, not nearly big enough. Though, he had wasted time making the shelter and finding food. Heâd just have to skip a couple meals to make up for it. He didnât really need to eat that much anyways, heâd known that for years. He just tried to make an effort when he smelled something tasty.Â
   He knew he could manage.Â
   It was late in the night when Error finally started on the outer layers. Those which would be filled with his patience, so that the potent insides would not be sensed as he moved with it among the many magic users.Â
   The town had begun to line the streets with torches and party as the stars arrived. No doubt celebrating those who would be at the third and final round tomorrow. The ones who would be competing to become the new Royal Mage.Â
   To Error? Every single moment down there was dedicated to him. They just didnât know it yet.Â
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   The morning came, and Error only had a few more layers.Â
   By the time the sun was almost in the center of the sky above, he had finished it, and carefully tucked it into his backpack. He unraveled the strings and carefully wrapped them, shaping them, changing them into a thin net with long ends. This was shoved into his jacket sleeve, the ends clutched tight in his hand.Â
   It took him hardly any time at all to get to the arena, and he was early.Â
   Good.
   He settled himself up in the stands, as close to the stage as he could get. Many people seemed to be staying outside the arena, sticking to the streets, but there was still enough of a crowd in the bleachers that Error had to be careful as he worked his way along the edges. He needed to be closer. CloserâŚ
   There.Â
   He stood at the railing behind the stage.Â
   From here, he could see the line to the left, and he could see the people who had finished lingering on the other side. None of them spoke to each other, only standing about, icily, waiting for the rest to finish so theyâd know which of them was chosen, and who was not. Error had to imagine that these folks were just as lame and boring as the seniors from his old academy. No fun at all.Â
   He waited, so, so patiently, for the next few people. The last few.Â
   Though he couldnât see the spells themselves, he could certainly feel the pressure coming off of them. The control that theyâd need to balance it. How much it mightâve drained their energy to do it just once. He was attuned to that sort of thing, he had to be.Â
   His assessment was that all of these last few folks werenât bad, but they were no match for Errorâs raw talent.Â
   Each spell cast seemed to tick away at Errorâs patience, until it finally happened. The last mage went on-stage. It seemed there had been 15 of them.Â
   Heâd have to make 16, then.Â
   It felt like a blur as he jumped the rails and let his strings carry him across the open space, much to the shock of the few who had been watching the competitors from around him. The blue lines snatched at the wooden supports of the stage, and he swung right over top, landing a bit messily in the center of the stage.
   He didnât have time to look at everything. All he knew was the crowd was much larger than last time, that there was a shout of âHey!ââ from somewhere to his left, and that the box across from the stage now held only three people. Monsters. One Error recognized, the knight in shadows whoâd spoken to him. The other two he didnât know, but he had to assume the one in the middle, tall and imposing, and dark, with an eyelight the same colors as the tapestries, was the King he was looking to impress. That was all he needed to know.Â
   âMâlord, my name is Error!â He called out across the sand, and in one motion he shrugged the bag off his shoulders and used his strings to tug the orb out of its canvas body. âI want to prove that Iâm more capable than any of the adults who just went before me! I could be your mage!â He would be the mage.Â
   The orb sat cradled in Errorâs hand for only the briefest moment, before it was inside the little net heâd made. He swung it in circles. Again. Again. Again.Â
   He had to be fast. He had to do this quick.
   Error spent one last moment, extending his reach through his strings, muttering words and igniting an intangible spark.Â
   For a brief moment, he watched as the King seemed to ease forward. A hand now raised, seemingly calling off his knights, who had been almost in motion.Â
   He released the orb directly upwards, momentum carrying it up.Â
   Up.
   Up.
   Into the blue sky. Practically into the sun.Â
   Error watched it rise above him.Â
   Only.Â
   âShit.âÂ
   His calculations mustâve been off. He mustâve added a layer too many, or maybe he released it a swing too soon. But he could tell that it wouldnât clear the top of the arena.Â
   Maybe if he had a few more seconds he couldâve used strings to boost it. He couldâve sent a magic gust to lift it further.Â
   Not the case.
   He watched as the orb detonated, just like it was supposed to.Â
   The wave moved horizontally through the air, and swept across the air above the arena so quickly that it sucked the sand from the top layer and threw it against the tall walls. Errorâs footing slipped, and he stumbled to his knees on the stage as the wind whipped and tugged the heavy curtains into the air current as well.Â
   It was an almost invisible force, Error had to imagine anyone without a solid grasp of magic would entirely miss it as it spread out.Â
  He winced as it finally reached the edges of the arena, where he had just barely managed to fall short of clearing.Â
   As the magic passed over the stone and mortar, he saw as it fell. Not in chunks, but crumbled like dust into fine particles. The upper half of every arch at the top of the grand amphitheatre, turned pitch black, then wasted away.Â
   He hadnât meant for it to come in contact with anything. It wasnât supposed to do anything but harmlessly wave over everyoneâs heads. As a show of his strength. That was all.
   Error could only think back to when this had happened before. When heâd accidentally exploded Genoâs favorite mug while metering the strength of his strings. When heâd broken the wheel of a carriage passing through the woods with a wayward slingshot blast. When heâd broken all ten of the large windows in the lecture hall of the academy when he failed to complete a spell the way it was written. When heâd done it too well.
   As he rose to his feet, he half expected the nagging voice of his older brother to be there, chastising him for not being more careful, before taking him home and making him dinner.Â
   It wasnât that, though.Â
   He watched out across the sand. The king had his head tilted only slightly, looking up at Errorâs lofty mistake. At the clean cut where stone now met unbothered air. His knight, the one in all black, was leaned ever so slightly towards him. They mustâve been speaking. Or, at least, the knight was.Â
   About Error, he had no doubt.Â
   He stayed in place, watching, swaying a bit with the residual force of his own spell lingering in his fingertips. Every instinct which told him to run and to hide were smothered and stamped out by the ligering fact that he had nowhere to go. Without his brothers, there was no one to help him. He knew it.Â
   Even in front of this crowd. These mages. This King and his knights. He couldnât bring himself to move offstage. Some part of him, deep down, childishly wanted the King to announce that he was impressed. To parade him offstage and let him experience what Geno had. Let him know why Geno left.Â
   The Kingâs single eyelight swam back over to look at Error in the silence.Â
   Error felt like the world had stopped.Â
   It hadnât.
   There was a clattering of armor and rustling of fabric, suddenly loud in his ears, and he had no time to react as everything came rushing in all at once.Â
   Hands. Heavy, gloved hands. Two sets, two hands each wrapped one of his upper arms, and immediately lifted him off the ground. Into the air.Â
   Pain flooded into his bones from his soul, like twin lightning strikes, trying to singe the bone and the magic in its core. The pressure wasnât much, his mind knew that, but his body usually didnât listen to him. He tried desperately to hold it in. The rampant part of his magic that had been hurting him since he could remember. That made it hard to touch anyone. To shake hands. To hug his brothers.Â
   âLet go!â He pleaded, though he wasnât sure if his voice made any sense. Fresh always told him they couldnât tell what he was saying when his voice got too bad.
   More pain. He kicked his legs at the open air, and tried to muster control over his strings, just for a moment, but he couldnât. He couldnât focus.Â
   And all at once it stopped.Â
   Errorâs feet were on the ground again, though that promptly became his knees again as he swayed and wavered in the sudden aftermath of his active magic dying down. Receding back into his soul. Because it didnât need to âprotectâ him anymore.
   He spotted then, as his vision returned to something aside from the gloves or the sky, that the King was no longer in his throne. In fact, there was a heavy, encompassing, magical weight behind him now. Somewhere very, very close-by.
   He took a deep breath, grounding himself.Â
   âWe are taking a recess.â Announced a booming voice. Very nearby. It was deep, and felt almost the same as the projection spell from two days prior. Then, more quietly, âYou will leave the boy to me. Go ensure no one was injured, then manage the crowd. Iâll make my choice tomorrow at sunrise.âÂ
   The second bit felt quieter, an edge to the tone that Error didnât quite like. Considering he must be the boy in question.Â
   It was a moment, a few muddled âYes, my kingâ s, before Error found a pair of boots stepping before him. His head swam as he looked upwards.Â
   The King, he figured that had to be him, was dark. Very dark. Like a living, dripping, shadow. Magic seemed to be all he was made of, an aura radiating from him. Dripping off his back into long slimy worms, twitching as they sat near the ground. He wore a fancy cape, too. One with huge gold clasps on his shoulders, one was shaped like the moon.Â
   Error looked to his face last. In hindsight, something that couldâve been very, very bad. He was met with a dripping face. Skeletal. The place where his right socket shouldâve sat was covered in that dark substance. The other hollow, with that bright cyan orb staring right back at him.Â
   âCan you stand?â His voice came easily, and Error braced himself.Â
   Could he?
   He had to, he didnât want to be touched again.Â
   Error took another breath, and managed to rise silently to his feet.Â
   âGood,â the King said once he was standing, âFollow me.â
   It was an order he didnât dare refuse.Â
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   Error found himself in an odd position.Â
   Heâd been given time to sit and recover from his magicâs outlash, and now he was sat in a room beneath the bleachers of the arena alongside the King and that knight heâd met before. The other one was guarding the door, he thought.Â
   Itâd been silent for a while, and it was almost expected when the silence was finally broken.Â
   âYou said your name is Error, correct?â The King asked, and Error gave a nod of yes. He forced himself to meet the Kingâs gaze.
   âDust says that youâre only 12, and our people disqualified you in the first round. Is that right?âÂ
   Error nodded again.Â
   âAnd Dust even explained to you why you were disqualified?âÂ
   Another nod. It seemed heâd at least made an impression on the knight. Dust.Â
   The King tilted his head ever so slightly to the side, eyelight holding Errorâs tightly.Â
   âThen, Iâll ask, what brought you to think this was a good choice? To try and become Royal Mage above any cost it might bring?â The king asked, and Error was surprised to find it was a shockingly gentle tone. âYour home, your family, your life. You are so young, why put it all on the line like this?âÂ
   Oh.Â
   It was almost funny. Was this whole thing because the king was some sort of charitycase? So disillusioned by his perfect life that he couldnât even think of the hardships any random kid could go through? He almost grinned at that, barely keeping his mouth from twitching in a mix of frustration and humor.
   âI wanted to prove myself,â He muttered, âAnd besides, becoming the Royal Mage would be great.âÂ
   He waited, waited for the King to inhale, to say something, before,Â
   âIâm an orphan.â He spat, finally. âFamily abandoned me, house is left behind, expelled from school. I donât want to keep wandering.âÂ
   It was basically the truth. This was his big break. His one last chance before he became a hated little vagabond. Maybe even a criminal. Maybe heâd have to go on the run for the rest of his life, live as a nomad. Join a caravan. Those people got stopped a lot though, kingdoms didnât like them. Heâd probably explode some cityâs bakery by mistake and get put in jail for-
   âWait!â Error suddenly exclaimed, breaking free of his thoughts, âAm I in trouble? Am I going to jail??â He asked then.Â
   His worries slammed to a grinding halt and he stared wide-eyed at the two before him. Geno had always told him not to go making his big stuff near town, because if the guard caught him he wouldnât be able to bail him out. Heâd end up in jail. Of course, itâd never happened back then because he was always fast enough. Always smart enough to get out of dodge when he broke something or made poor decisions. Here? Here he hadnât run when he had the chance.Â
   The King stared at him, his one eyelight nearly mirroring Errorâs in surprise at the question.Â
   âI mean,â he started, âYouâre young. If I wont let you work for me, I wouldnât dare put you in prison either.â The King stated, âThough, you did do quite a bit of damage to the theatre.âÂ
   Error watched him break eye contact finally and look over his shoulder to the Knight stood there. Heâd been silently watching Error too.Â
   When he had no insight, The king seemed to heave a sigh, and the shadowy extra limbs which draped around him twitched.Â
   âYouâre sure you have no family? No home?â the King asked him again, and Error nodded.
   The king muttered something under his breath, and shot the Knight another look. The knight shrugged.Â
   âI⌠Will not employ you. Though, I do see talent in you, Error.â the King said carefully, a bit slower in his words than he had been up until now. Almost⌠unsure. âI will, however, extend to you the title so that you may conductâŚâ He waved a hand before himself, as though searching for a word, â You may conduct independent research. If you accept, of course.â
   âYou would be free to resend your acceptance at any moment, no strings attached, and may take any work you complete along with you, and any pay you receive would be given to you after your 16th birthday, if you stay that long.â He added, âIâll have to rewrite the contract, but-â
   âI accept!âÂ
   Error couldnât help himself. He was so excited he could puke. The last thing heâd expected was to pull this off. This shitshow of a scheme actually got him the job? He could scream. He could jump up and down for joy. He didnât, he sat eagerly and tense in his seat instead, but he couldâve.Â
   The King seemed to hesitate, for a few breaths, before relaxing. He stood, and offered a hand out slowly to Error.Â
   Error stood too, grinning. He could manage this one. He could do it.Â
   It was brief, but he grasped the Kingâs hand and shook it firmly.
   âDust, will you help Error locate his belongings, and escort him to wherever he is staying tonight? Iâll send Cross to swap with you a bit later. Weâll reconvene in the morning just before sunrise.âÂ
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There is a very exquisite agony in playing a game you love so so so so so much, and realizing that one of the other players is trying to play a totally different game than you.
#hush frenchy#we went to the coffin shop today in vallaki#and our rogue triggered combat SIMPLY because he didn't want to leave the house without looting every single room#to clarify: WE HAD ACHIEVED OUR OBJECTIVE#we literally just needed to get out#but the rogue's player was like cmoooon its no fun to leave without looting everything we can get our hands on#now everything we're doing has gone to absolute shit#and to clarify: its going to be very interesting!!#and I feel like I would've been just fine with the result#IF it had been for any other reason besides that this one player seems to think that we're in a video game#like if there had been some kind of character motivation? or genuine concern that we were missing a piece of something we were looking for?#totally fine!! love that in fact!!#but just stealing shit because 'you're the rogue' feels... idk.#it just feels like it's a totally different game than the rest of us are playing#and now we ALL have to deal with the consequences#i just. urgh. i do not know what to do#i am gonna talk to the dm and see if she noticed the same thing as me#and try to brainstorm we the players can do to impart a sense of balance for people with different play styles#but i just feel like despite repeated efforts by the dm to be like hey this is a game for exploration and character engagement#the player is just ignoring that and doing Whatever He Feels Like#ANYWAY SORRY RANT OVER#I'm just really in love with this game and having one really thorny part is just HNG#positive note: the wizard whipped out alter self and thought he was the coolest guy in the whole world#despite repeatedly missing in combat#it was very cute and i wish Wyn wasn't absolutely certain that she was about to die#because she would absolutely stroke his ego about it simply to see him preen#the fighter was also very sweet and keeps working so hard to protect wyn#and since I'm a fighter in my other game i know where to put myself to make it easier for him so there's a lot of synergy#IT'S JUST VERY CUTE AND NICE AND GOOD. I LOVE THEM BOTH A LOT
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#this is such a niche gripe i guess idk its why it's in the tags#but i really get so annoyed by how a lot of this fandom acts like they know everything about her especially like where she goes#and what she does in her free time because they think they KNOW about everything but#all you know is what she chooses to show you like specifically paps like...... she calls them. all celebs do. 99.999999% of the time#these days it's how that industry works which i KNOW for a fact but like don't take my word for it if you don't believe me fine#but it's how it is and i can tell you that from professional experience but also like#the amount of friends and people i know who've seen her places all over the city for YEARS now#and there are no pap photos of her in those places nor did anyone know she went to that building/restaurant/bar/event#there are a feeeeeew places in the city which are celeb hotspots and the paps might skulk around there but that's cuz#they are known spots for that and waiters and staff tip them off for profit shares#like i know someone who saw her literally last night at a restaurant#there are no photos of her there and no paps outside#like if you think she doesn't leave the house or go somewhere without you knowing cuz you think she's papped everywhere...#thats just simply not true lol couldn't be FURTHER from true#she goes so many places and does so many things that you just don't know about. it's VERY easy to live a private life in the city#EVEN THIS WEEK she's gone more places than you've seen her getting papped at cuz i know people who've seen her!#i can't tell you the amount of famous people i've come across in these situations and the press and social media were none the wiser#people i've sat next to at a crowded brunch counter or people walking their dog or taking their kid for a bike ride like.... ALL THE TIME#famous people love new york cuz new yorkers don't bother them and they can live in relative obscurity#idk what i'm getting at i guess this weirdness like I AM GONNA SHUT DOWN ANYTHING THAT I DONT HAVE PROOF OF#is so deranged to me because...... you only have ~proof~ of like 10% of her life#so the other 90% of it didn't happen cuz.... you a blogger on the internet don't have photographic evidence of it????#IS THAT NOT THE MOST INSANE THING TO SAY????#idk really weird that people just think they know her and shut down any one who poses something that doesn't fit into their#frankensteined version of her that they made out of a bunch of paparazzi photos and flight trackers and deuxmoi posts taped together#as if THATS somehow MORE sane and a more realized person#idk if i'm making sense i'm annoyed whatever whatEVERRRRR
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apparently i have a half sister???
what the fuck???
#???#the secret world of merry mac#apparently my mom facebook-stalks her????? ''oh yeah she looks just like [your dad]'' ??????????#does she???? i don't know????? turns out i don't know what my dad looks like either i guess?????#i've always coasted through life thinking that everyone else has family drama but not me...#and now there's 2 whammo! situations in this one week right here#wham sitch no. 1: danny uninvited me to his wedding bc he's mad that i said Bad Words on the phone to him while i was driving#(we were supposed to meet at an exit on the freeway so i could hand over some stuff he'd left at my mom's house. literally the only info#he gave me was: ''meet me at Ridgegate Parkway exit'' and it turned out there's FUCKING NOTHING at that exit. there wasn't#anywhere to even pull over. no parking lots no nothing. so i was talk-to-texting and i'd already been driving for 6 hours and I HAD#KEPT HIM UPDATED AS TO WHERE I WAS so there was no lack of information on my part. APPARENTLY i was supposed to psychically#intuit that i should have gone to the Park N Ride parking lot off the exit. i did not intuit this and therefore had no idea i should have#been looking for that. so i was upset and driving around in circles in rush hour traffic in Lone Tree CO where everyone drives $50K#SUVs and they drive them aggressively. Danny of course thinks this is MY fault because i didn't pick up the phone to call him and#ask for more information apparently. reminder: i was driving. 99% of my driving was on the mf freeway doing 80mph. i wasn't going#to open the phone then open my contacts and then scroll down to his name and then make a call. talk to text was already dumb and#dangerous to do but it was a lot easier to glance at the phone or make it read a text to me than it was to make a phone call and play#20 Questions about where the fuck i was supposed to meet him.)#y'know if he had just said ''hey meet me at the Mod Pizza by the IKEA'' that would have been fine!! literally all the info i needed!#but noOo he had to be the smartest smuggest person in the chat and give me only partial information)#wham sitch no. 2: apparently i have an older half sister who looks just like our shared father. huh.
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I swear I've gone through every emotion known to man.... (And then some) today...
#spiteful angry a little happy and proud judgemental upset sad mourning#the list can go on#its been a day#my thoughts#mom went to detox today and will be in recovery for a month#i already feel lighter with her gone#but conflicted because i wasn't there for her#but i couldn't be because she wouldn't let me#and genuinely i didnt want to be because she was simultaneously never there for me#but shes done more for me than i ever could've asked in some ways#but i also never asked to be born wish i was never born and feel like ive never belonged here#like i was meant to be aborted but was born instead#and yet despite it all I'm angry at the world for the cards she was dealt#for the way she was treated as a child#and the way no one was there for her and moved on pretending like all was fine#(some generational trauma she picked up and carried over)#upset at her siblings and friends for never being there for her like she needed (but i also understand that she pushed everyone away and im#In the same boat as them in that sense#but also shes my mother and im her child and shes never been there's for me so how could i possibly know how to be there for her#i hate being understanding because white hot anger and hatred is easier#so much easier#ignorance is bliss frfr#part of me is also proud of her for finally doing this#scared that she might get mistreated at the facility furthering her trauma scared of her relapsing and what that will look like#wanting to be a support fixture for her when she comes back at the end of the month but realistically knowing i cant#spiteful because where is her support system right now? everyone has failed her#spent years enabling and ignoring her#i hope she has a support system or can curate one because it cant be me#it just cant#mother wound
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damn I miss playing wolves in my friend's back yard .... rb to play wolves with your mutuals in their back yard<3
#just blahs#i dont really think this needs any other tags sbhsjsjs#but i am going to kinda vent in the tags still feel free to rb this tho :]#i miss my friend tbh#she was my best and only real friend for like 3 years and then she moved away and now we only talk 2-3 times a year#and i dont.... know how to change that#i just want my best friend back#but i dont want to seem clingly because what if shes moved on ?#what if shes gone and shes doing just fine where she is now and she doesn't miss me like i miss her#what if shes perfectly content with me just being someone that she talks to a few times a year#meanwhile i have nights that i literally cry myself to sleep because i cant just go see her#she doesnt know that i want so badly to turn 18 just so that i can move to the same state and maybe live near enough that i could see her#and i dont think i can tell her that because what if she doesn't care that much.#what if im being ridiculous and i should be over our friendship that should have ended the moment she moved years ago#that i should have just moved on and it's weird that i haven't#anyways sorry for the vent in the tags of my silly goofy post#mutuals come play wolves with me in my backyard <3
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todayâs been a bad day and one of my friends is practically begging me to let him vent to me and my other friend is picking a fight right now and i canât remember the last time i saw another person aside from my girlfriend. she makes it better but makes everything worse. i have a meeting tomorrow i swore iâd sleep early for but now i just. i donât know what i want.Â
#it's weird because like... i'm the lucky one? the good one? the fine one? what's even the word for this#i'm not causing drama i'm handling things fine i'm making plans.#but i feel like i'm fucking breaking#and it's just PMS but i've felt uneasy for the entire last two months i just#i feel like i was in a stupor where i had to keep seeing my girlfriend or else everything would fall apart#but it's been a while since i last saw someone that wasn't my girlfriend. since last wednesday i guess.#and now any time she texts me i literally just want to tear my hair out like#i'm not this person this isn't what i'm supposed to be doing. i feel literally plastic.#everything i say is like. someone's already said the exact same thing. i can't do conversations right i can't do them unique.#on friday when i was with my girlfriend i felt wrong the entire fucking time#i think part of that was because i really don't like kissing to be honest#but also because like. i was not a human being. that was not a person in there#i felt neutral. we watched a show and i couldn't keep track of anything that happened#and i was resting against her but i couldn't like. remember it. feel it.#every time i get like this i KNOW if i just sleep i'll feel okay again#but that doesn't even feel real. when was the last time i actually felt a positive feeling?#it was a few hours ago but like. gone. whatever. discarded.#why did i think a healthy relationship would fix it?#neg#dont rb
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oh. hm.
#i had a realization today and now i feel so absolutely horrible.#when i was out w friends today one of them wasn't having a good time and stepped out for a moment#and in the back i could hear the other 2 whispering to each other basically abt how she's been like this last time they hung out too#the consensus unspoken was that there was sth off. but they kinda just kept moving along. i stepped out for a bit bc i felt like idk.#she's out alone on the streets someone has to make sure she's okay right.#when I'm back one of them goes oh i was just wondering where you were. as if everything is normal.#after a bit of wandering around in the store the other goes oh where is xxx? as if we weren't all there when she said she's gonna step out.#as if they didn't discuss her behavior right after.#and it suddenly reminded me of when i found my ex with her head buried in her hands when i was gone for a bit.#and i was like oh what's going on and the other 2 there were just chatting and one of them just is like idk she's sleeping.#She Was Crying. I was so. idk. i was panicking i was so worried. And I was so mad too bc how could they not notice a friend being unwell??#and i hated myself for it bc it was my fault for leaving her there and i had her id and it was really my fault and i wouldn't have known#i wouldn't have known that. idk. i thought she was left with people who were her friends who should then pay attention to her wellbeing#idk i. i would have trusted my friends to take care of or at least be aware of how i feel.#but we left for a bit and nobody even noticed. what happened. someone even texted asking where did we go.#and idk it's just the same thing i just realized and connected the dots. they will pay lip service. they will tell u they care abt u.#and they will echo it among themselves oh i worry abt xxx is xxx okay oh yeah xxx has been acting like this as if it actually does anything.#and nobody will actually make sure later on. that she is actually. doing fine. that they can do what's good for her atm.#and God. I'm just realizing that. idk. i. i wish i could've been a better support for my ex if she really had needed it at the time. idk.#i was just listening to what other ppl were telling me. but i. i didn't think it through. if these are the ppl she has for support.#if they didn't care to make me feel cared for. if they didn't care to check if she was okay back then. idk i. God.#oh God. what if i fucked up majorly. god. oh god. idk i just thought they treated me like that bc thry we're mad at me#but what if it's. not a me issue. and i shouldn't have trusted that other ppl would take care of her. bc they aren't. trustworthy in that.#ugh but at the same time. she asked for space from me. what else was i supposed to assume than that she didn't want me around?#at the very very least at least I'm sure her family loves her a lot and will care for her and make sure she's okay. god. i hope so.#idk!! i care but in my position i don't think me caring or wanting to help does anything. she doesn't want my support. she doesn't want me.#idk it's something wrong w me probably i genuinely don't know. she's the one telling me she's worried I'm pushing ppl away so.#it's not behavior she condones ig so it makes no sense if she does it herself if she believed i was good for/to her but still pushed me away#so in conclusion There's gotta be something that i fucked up There's gotta be sth wrong w me but i. god. i.#i have so much to nitpick with myself i genuinely don't even know if I'm a good measure or judge of what i did wrong or right.
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Time After Time
Logan Howlett/Wolverine x AFAB!reader (no pronouns/gendered language).
Explicit content (18+)
Word count: 15.2k never let me near him again
Tags/warnings: age-gap due to loganâs mutation (readerâs age not specified), mutant!reader, unprotected sex, teasing, friends to lovers, explicit language, dry humping, storm cameos, fluff, domesticity, the claws come out when heâs close (đď¸đď¸), detailed descriptions & scenes of nightmares/trauma/PTSD/panic attacks, one (1) ass smack, alcohol consumption, vomiting, biting/marking, angst, soft!logan, creampie, groping/touching, use of âbabyâ once, aftercare, yearning (kindly let me know if anything was missed!).
Summary: 4 times you end up in Loganâs bed, and the 1 time he does something about it.
Notes: this falls somewhere in between âwhich could mean nothingâ and âwe can fix each otherâ 𫡠(written with a mix of X1 & X2 logan!)
Your heart, despite always being alive and beating, sometimes wakes up before you.
You can feel it before your eyes even have a chance to open. It jolts your sleep-ridden body and collapses your lungs without giving your brain a chance to fight against it. Muscles and limbs feel lifeless and detached from your body, shaking from the sleep that your heart knows wasnât completely dreamless.
You kick the blankets off of yourself and sit up in a panic, trying to regain some control of your sudden erratic breaths while bringing a lethargic hand to your heaving chest in hopes to ground yourself. It never works.
Maybe your ribs are shrinking and squeezing your lungs, making you delirious from the lack of oxygen, but you know thatâs not the case. Your heart feels like itâs being squeezed and broken into a million tiny pieces.
No part of your body feels real, yet you keep your hand on your chest as firmly as you can, trying to focus on controlling the pounding of your heart thatâs working so hard with each beat that it hurts.Â
âFuck. Fuck,â you choke out, feeling the tears finally breach and roll down your cheeks as your nervous system catches up to whatâs happening.
 Panic. Itâs all panic.
You canât do anything but sit there and let the tears hit the freshly-washed fitted sheet on your bed. So you let it happen. Nothing can stop it.
Trauma is such a fickle thing. One moment youâre fine, and then the next, your heart is screaming at you and forcing your body to process something at 4 a.m. on a random Friday when all you wanted was some goddamn sleep.
There is no choice. Your mind doesnât give you one.
The tremors subside slowly after a few minutes, giving you the feeling back to your arms and legs, albeit minimal.
You slide to sit at the edge of your bed, resting an elbow on your thigh and setting your chin into your palm with a defeated, yet shaky, huff.Â
You look to your window and see that the sun hasnât even started to rise yet. Youâll be up for the rest of the foreseeable morning, but thereâs not much to do so early besides wander aimlessly and thinkâŚthen think some more.Â
Youâre confident the professor isnât even awake at this hour, which says enough about your state. You would typically go visit Storm for some comfort, but sheâs been gone fuck-knows-where with Hank and Scott until Sunday at the latest. Thanks, Charles.
A questionable, and probably manic, decision comes to mind. One thatâs only two doors down, one over from Storm.
Your impulsive feet make up your mind for you. The cold hardwood floor shocking you further into consciousness as if your heart didnât do a good enough job.
You tiptoe a couple steps down the hall, forcing yourself to turn and face the large wooden door when you reach it. You just stand there staring at it, unknocking, analyzing the wood grains, suddenly very interested in what type of wood it is and what stain was used toâ
âUh. Are you okay?â
You refocus your eyes onto the man now standing in front of you in the doorway, adorning a barely-zipped school hoodie and black sweats.
âHuh?â You blink a few times, disoriented.
Logan quirks a brow, looking you up and down cautiously. âAre you okay?â He asks again, offering a look of concernâor maybe confusionâthat you havenât seen often. A look thatâs never needed to be directed towards you.
You come back to yourself. âButâIâŚdidnât knock,â you respond, looking equally as confused as him as you point to the door.Â
He leans against the edge of the door, face softening. âI could smell you before you passed Stormâs room,â he clarifies, a hint of reluctance in his tone. Oh.Â
You feel like a child who has just gained awareness, all too conscious of your situation.
âYouâreâŚawake?â Is all you manage despite probably needing to say much more than that to explain just why exactly youâre standing outside Loganâs room at 4 a.m.
âSo are you,â he counters with a curious look. âSo let me ask again. Are you okay?â He locks his eyes on yours, probably in hopes to understand why the fuck youâre outside his room at 4 a.m.
âIâm not sure how to answer that,â you say, and itâs the truth.Â
You should probably be embarrassed. You show up at Loganâs door unannounced, dressed in a flimsy shirt and matching sweatsâthanks, Charlesâthat canât fully hide the remaining quivers throughout your body.
Logan pulls his lips together at your admission. You can almost see the wheels turning in his head trying to figure you out.
âCanât sleep?â He questions, but he knows heâs right.
âYeah.â You donât know why youâre making it Loganâs problem, though. Sure, he happens to be awake, but maybe this is all too personal to push on the guy whoâs seemingly all pride and no solicitude most of the time.
Itâs not that heâs not a good, nice guy, but you donât know how you would define your relationship, or lack of.
You know each other well enough from existing in the same space over the past couple months, being part of the same âteamâ, but itâs nothing to call a close friendship like you and Storm. Heâs a bit of a rare species in the mansion, not really lingering around.
He cocks his head in a half shrug, the soft points in his hair broken by sleep shake gently with the movement.
âI donât think I can help you,â he says wearily. âIâm no better. Clearly.â He gestures between you, drawing attention to the fact that youâre both awake. The helpless cannot help the helpless.
âOhâno, Iâm not looking for help. I think Iâm beyond that at this point,â you laugh but stop yourself short when Logan doesnât follow. Tough crowd.
âI, uh, donât actually know what Iâm looking for,â you offer.
You knit your brows together in thought, still wondering why the fuck youâre here. Comfort? Entertainment? Some other unknown third thing?
âIâm not really used to Storm being gone for so long,â you admit. âI just feelâŚall over the place, I guess.â
Logan considers your vulnerability for a beat, eyes flicking to yours. âI can hear you sometimes,â he says, a knowingâalmost sympatheticâlook on his face. âWe have the same problem.â
You go cold, any expression you had on your face sliding away. You wish the floor could swallow you right now. You know things have been getting worse recently, but you didnât think anyone could hear that fact. Maybe it shouldnât come as a surprise from someone who could smell you from down the hallway.
He steps back, pulling his door open further. An invitation.
You donât move right away. Could this be a false awakening? Youâre not sure what you expected when you came to his door, but you also didnât expect him to open it without you knocking, so you have to suspend disbelief for now. You figured heâd offer a few words of advice and dismiss you, or maybe even tell you to fuck off, but he opened his door wider for you. But you didnât exactly think any of it through in the first place anyway.
You force your feet to carry you into Loganâs room. Itâs not much different from yours; scarce belongings, minimal decor, a small work desk, brown curtains that are drawn back, and a bed.Â
âWere you, uhâŚsleeping before I came?â You sit on the unmade bed, nothing noticeably different from it compared to yours.
He shuts the door quietly, moving to the small desk across the room and filing some scattered papers together neatly.
âTrying to,â he says, keeping his gaze on the desk.
Fucking duh. âSorry if I disturbed you,â you wince to yourself.Â
You see him briefly shake his head at your unnecessary apology. âI had to get up anyway.â His voice is still gravelly from sleep.
It feels like youâre invading his space. But he invited you in. How many others have had the opportunity to be in here? Probably too many. Thereâs nothing to make this special.
âIâm fucking exhausted,â you sigh, flopping back on his bed defeated. Simply overwhelmed with the uncontrollable repercussions of your mutation.
âTry to sleep. If you want,â he offers, moving to the edge of the bed. âItâs easier said than done, but I have to meet with Charles in an hour.â Itâs gruff, but heâs sincere. Â
Maybe the professor is awake after all.
You roll your head to the side to look at him. Was he really offering for you to stay in his bed?
âOh, wowâŚuh, sure.â It comes off as more of a question, but he quirks his brows in acknowledgment, turning back to the desk and collecting a handful of other miscellaneous papers.
âI have to head downstairs and take care of some things. Stay as long as you need,â he says, zipping his sweater the rest of the way up. Thank God in heaven.
A shy âthanksâ is all you manage as you situate yourself on the bed.
Is this fucking weird? You could name a handful of others in the mansion right this second that would kill without hesitation to be where you are. Theyâd probably kill you specifically to get it. Itâs not much of a secret that Logan is the subject of almost all studentsâ desires. He knows it, too.Â
âSee you later,â he adds, his lips forming the slightest hint of a caring smile as he sees himself out. You throw one back before the door clicks shut.
Should you be offended that he didnât stay? That he left so quickly? No, no, he canât. He couldnât. Charles is expecting him. The timing is just horrid. But now youâre justâŚaloneâŚin Loganâs room, expected to sleep because of a random act of kindness in his heart.
Lying in his bed instead of yours is an odd sensation. The sheets and mattress are exactly the same, the pillows are just as fluffy, yet it feels unalike.Â
You flop your head on his pillow, tugging the blankets up to your chin. Your fingers graze something by your hip as you settle in, making you push the blanket back down. Leaning over, you see three puncture marks in the mattress, fraying the bedsheet material into feather-soft strands around the deep holes.
Your eyes widen, remembering his words before he invited you in: âWe have the same problem.â
Part of your heart fractures for the second time today. Your eyes cross over to the other side of you, seeing a matching set of holes just below the pillow. Itâs suddenly easy to understand why no one besides him has been seen coming and going from this room in a while. One day, things just seemed to change.Â
Maybe his act of kindness was an act of mercy. Trauma will always find you, and it will make sure you feel it until you either destroy it or it destroys you.
Even the Wolverine isnât an exception.Â
ââââ â ââââ
The gold liquid is gone from the glass as quickly as it was poured.
Your throat clenches and protests the swallow as you try to suppress the urge to gag. You gently set the shot glass back on the counter, watching Storm chase with a piece of lime that does nothing to help the puckered face she makes from the tequila.Â
âNo more, no more. I canât.â Your arms anchor you to the counter to stop yourself from swaying too much.
Storm nods, still fighting off the sourness with furrowed brows and a scrunched nose. You giggle at her when she quickly screws the cap back on the bottle, sliding it out of reach.
âYouâre a bad influence,â she scolds as she wipes her mouth with the back of her hand.
âNoâIâm under the influence,â you counter, a playful smile on your lips. âThereâs a difference. You still have your own free will.â
Storm rolls her eyes so hard you only see the whites of them. âWe have training tomorrow,â she slurs. âCharles will not be happy if we show up half-conscious.â She rounds the counter to you, grabbing your shoulders for stability, and you do the same.
âHeâll be lucky if we show up at all,â you mumble.Â
The dim kitchen lighting embraces the two of you, the rest of the mansion blanketed in darkness with everyone fast asleepâlike you both should be.
You close your eyes with a roll of your neck, more giggles falling through your lips as you clumsily grab onto Storm and rock and sway together for a moment, the alcohol quickly catching up to your motor skills. It feels like youâre spinning through time and space, and youâd be lying if you said it didnât feel fucking euphoric. At this rate, neither of you will be able to make it back to your rooms.
âAm I interrupting something?â
You lose a bit of your balance as you try to find the resonant voice, eyes shooting open. Storm unintentionally startles and stumbles away from you, white hair also jumping from the excitement.
You grab onto the counter again, sucking in a deep breath. âFuck, donât do that,â you growl through your teeth, a hand on your chest as you try to calm yourself.
âDonât do what? Come to the shared kitchen to grab a drink?â Logan huffs a laugh, an amused smile creeps to his lips as he takes in your drunk and shaken state from the entryway.
âDoesnât anyone sleep in this place?â He mumbles to himself.
âAnd with that, Iâm done for the night,â Storm chuckles, fixing her hair. âIâll see you tomorrow.â Her eyes lock intensely on yours, index finger firmly poking the middle of your chest to make her point for you to show up to training very clear.
âSee you, Logan,â she dismisses, stumbling as she passes him.
Logan shakes his head, still smiling. He steps to the fridge, opening the double doors and plucking a bottle of soda from the bottom shelf. No alcohol is readily available in the communal fridge because, after all, youâre all in a school full of kids, so Storm had to get creative; Scott will be missing a rather large bottle from the now not-so-secret stash in his room.
As the alcohol continues to settle in you, you feel more and more lightheaded as it brings you to a new level of euphoria again. You only know this because watching Logan pop the cap of his drink with mindless ease feels a little more exciting than it would be if you were sober. But youâre not sober, and thatâs the problem.
âNot gonna follow Storm?â He asks, taking a generous sip from the bottle as he casually places his free hand on the counter to lean on across from you.
A tight smile forms, mostly to yourself. âI donât think I can make it down the hall,â you laugh in embarrassment. Maybe that last shot was one too many, and itâs not even fully done working its magic yet.
Logan raises a brow. âWant some help?â Thereâs no judgement in his tone like you expect. Then again, you donât know what the fuck to expect from him.
Your already half-closed eyes, blurry and unfocused, meet his hazel ones in interest. Another favour?
Itâs been two weeks since he let you sleep off the nightmares in his bed. Two weeks since you learned heâs burdened with them, too. You traced the holes in the mattress over and over before you eventually fell asleep, wondering whatâor whoâcould have hurt him so badly. He plays it off cool; you wouldnât suspect anything from talking to him. The same could probably be said about you.
âI didnât know wolverineâs were chivalrous,â you tease.
The yellow hue of the lights dance over the quaffed points in his hair, making them appear sharper than usual. You would never admit it, especially to him, but you adore them. They give him an absurd amount of character that youâd expect a guy like him to not care about.Â
Youâre not exactly complaining about the fitting grey tank-top he has on either.
âNot overly,â he plays along, taking another mouthful of the fizzy drink. âI like to think Iâm special,â he says quieter.
âMaybe you are,â you say as you try and straighten yourself to see if you can stand unassisted.
The world tilts as you stand to your full height, eyes rolling into your head from the wave of dizziness. âWow, okay,â you say to yourself, squeezing your eyes shut to stop the spinning. How many shots did you have again?
A warm hand presses between your shoulders. âWoah, nice and easy. Nice and easy.â Logan appears by your side to steady you, other hand grabbing your elbow to pull you straight. You wobble in his grip, letting him guide your useless, alcohol-ridden body.
His hand on your back rubs a few small, comforting circles as you work to regain your bearings. He watches your expressions intently, looking for the right moment to get you moving back to your room safe and sound.
Your arm crosses over your body out of instinct to grab the hand he has on your elbow for extra support.
âAre you okay?â He asks. He seems to ask you that a lot.
You lean into him, your shoulder to his chest, and you can feel the blackout creeping up on you like humidity from a thunderstormâitâs usually too late to do anything once you notice it.Â
âI drank a lot,â you laugh deeply, rolling your head onto his shoulder to look up at him.
He looks so much more delicate under the ambient lightsâhis usual defined features have shifted and melted him into someone that doesnât look like they should be a feared animal out in the world.
Logan all but cradles you, that same look of concern crossing his features from the night you went to his door. The only difference is that youâve had a generous amount of tequilaâand are currently being kept alert by the hot touch of his hands. Thatâs new.
âCan you walk?â He holds your squinty eye contact, probably searching for any signs of a coherent thought behind the blissful expression on your face. âOr will I have to carry you?â He muses, a hint of a smile crosses his lips as his hand moves up to gently rub over your shoulders.Â
Drunk you likes the sound of anything relating to Logan keeping his hands on you right now. You wonder what sober you would think.
âIâm not gonna tell you no, but it feels like Iâm floating in a bubble that wonât stop spinning,â you hum as you let the sensation consume your senses. âI might fly away.â You dip your head back off of his shoulder in amusement as you laugh again.Â
âYeah, youâre fucked up,â he mumbles lovingly. Just like anyone else whoâs concerned for your well-being would.Â
âHey, kitty catâIâm perfectly buzzed,â you emphasize the teasing nickname, narrowing your eyes at him sternly as you bring your gaze back to his in defence.
ââKitty catâ? Really?â He snorts. âI think youâre past your bedtime by three drinks,â he remarks back with equal levity.
âThen take me to bed if youâre so concerned,â you sigh dramatically, going limp in his arms to make your point.Â
Truthfully, youâre probably past your bedtime by five shots. But he doesnât need to know that. You just know that you canât control your limbs like you were able to ten minutes ago.
âMaybe I will.â You donât see it, but he does his quick little eye roll that youâve seen pointed towards Scott too many times.Â
He slides the hand on your elbow down to the backs of your knees, pulling you up off the floor and into his chest as you fall into the arm that was rubbing your back.Â
Oh, so itâs gonna be like that.Â
An excitedâor maybe shockedânoise escapes your mouth as he adjusts you in his arms. You extend your right arm up and over his shoulder to hug his neck and keep yourself stable.
The trip to your room isnât one that should take long, but each sway from Loganâs steps goes straight to your stomach in waves of queasiness. It feels like forever before you feel him bend awkwardly to turn your doorknob.
Youâre fighting to keep yourself conscious the entire time, not wanting to regret missing the feeling of being in his arms.
The room is only lit by the silver moonlight creeping through the window. Itâs hard to distinguish anything through your bleary eyes besides Loganâs look of determination to get you in your bed.
He leans down, shuffling you out of his arms and onto the mattress as swiftly as possible. The care of it all pokes at your heart.Â
He silently goes around each corner of the bed adjusting the blankets. It may be dark, but the moonlight highlights the peaks of his shoulders as he moves. Your eyes might be involuntarily half-shut, but that doesnât stop you from staring.
Youâre now probably no better than every other mutant in this school.
âLogan,â you start before you can fully process the foolish thing youâre about to say next.
He rounds the bed back to the side youâre huddled on, looking down on you. âYeah?â The subtle jingle of his dog tag pierces the quiet thatâs lingering in the room.
You part your lips to speak but the words die in your throat. Theyâre replaced by a flood of saliva that has you sitting up at a speed that shouldnât be possible for someone as intoxicated as you. You cover your mouth with your hand, feeling your stomach churning and finally rejecting the tequila.Â
You suddenly feel very awake.
âHey, hey.â Logan squats down in front of you with his already permanently-furrowed brows pinched closer together than youâve ever seen before, a hand coming to your shoulder in concern. âWhatââ
âBathroom,â you mumble through your palm, eyes rolling shut at the nausea.Â
He doesnât say another word. He pulls you to your feet by your arms, walking behind you fiercely with his hands gripping your shoulders to guide you to the small bathroom across the room. Â
You push the door open, falling to your knees in the darkness over the toilet as the mistakes from the night expel themselves from your body through rounds of coughing and gagging. He lingers in the doorway, keeping an eye on you but still giving you privacy.
âFuck,â you cough, resting your warm forehead on your hand as you slump against the toilet. That definitely sobered you up fast.
Exhaustion hits you like a truck. âLoganâŚâ you croak from your crumpled position on the tile floor.Â
He steps in, bending down again to reach your height. You can barely make out the shadow of him in the fading moonlight.
âJustâŚhelp me back to bed,â you groan, reaching for his arm as you use the toilet seat to push yourself the rest of the way up. You stumble against him as you try to make it back through the doorway.
He guides you to the bed the same way he did to the bathroomâsteering you from behind.
âIâm gonna get you some water,â he says as you settle back into bed, head hitting the pillow with a quiet thud. âEven though you did this to yourself.â
âFuck off,â you groan.
You close your eyes, hearing his footsteps fade back toward the bathroom. You hear the tap run for a couple seconds before heâs next to you again, sitting on the edge of the bed. âDrink. All of it,â he says firmly, holding the cup out to you.
You sit back up slowly, no doubt lethargic, an unimpressed look on your face that earns you a raised brow that tells you thereâs no room to object.
You finish the cup in four mouthfuls, handing it back to him. âThanks.â
You fall back onto the pillow, no longer feeling like youâre travelling through space and time.
The clothes youâre in are close enough to pyjamas. Thereâs no sense in undressing in front of Logan, especially with what you were about to say to him before you were rudely interrupted by the consequences of your own actions.
He returns the cup to the bathroom and you pull the blanket over your waist as you hopefully settle in for the rest of the night. You owe him big time for this. The thought of just how exactly youâll manage that fills you with anxiety.
You turn on your side, fingers sliding over the mattress with the movement. They graze familiar strands of feather-soft fabric by the pillow.
This is Loganâs room. Are you just that drunk that you couldnât tell the difference when he brought you in? Or are your rooms just that similar to each other?
You dip a finger in one of the three holes, hearing the bathroom door click shut as Logan makes his way back.Â
âWhy am I in your bed?â You see him rustling through some drawers of clothing by the small desk, but he stops when you finish your question.
âYou canât take care of yourself tonight,â he says. âYouâre too drunk.â He pulls the grey tank-top off, stuffing it in one of the drawers and shutting it.
You sit up at that, head still foggy and tipsy, watching him move to the foot of the bed across from you. You try to focus your eyes on anything but his bare chest and the dark hair that adorns it and trails down past the waistband of his sweats. His hair is somehow even more wild from mindlessly pulling the tank-top over his head.
âAh. I was gonna ask you to stay anyway,â you reveal, almost whispering the bold confession.
You were planning to ask before the tequila decided to make another appearance, but maybe doing it this way isnât so bad either. He did all the heavy-lifting.
A modest, tight-lipped smile graces his lips. âI think you still have some tequila to sleep off.â
Whether or not you still have some shots in your system, what you feel and want right now is real. Itâs not influenced by anything besides some mild andronitis created by the fact that you share a common struggle.
âIs itâŚsafe? To share a bed?â The most coherent thought youâve had all night makes him stiffen from your sudden nervous tone. Your body could easily replace the mattress and become a new home for the deep punctures.Â
Your eyelids have been fighting against being pulled shut by alcohol-induced drowsiness, yet your eyes are wider than theyâve been all night in this moment.
Youâre sat right in the middle of the bed and Logan comes around to the right, sitting on the edge of the mattress to come down to your level.
âYouâre just gonna have to trust me.â His eyes are imploring and apologetic all at once. He understands the prospect of even having you here in the first place.
You nod, sliding over to the left to give him more room.Â
Logan wouldnât put you in harms way, you reason with yourself. He wouldnât risk potentially killing someone, especially a fellow mutant, if he wasnât absolutely sure of his mental state. But you also donât really know his demons.
You roll onto your right side, tugging the blanket up to your chin in comfort. âWhy havenât you been given a new mattress?â You ask as he turns to face you in the same position, his half of the blanket resting at his hip.
The bed dips significantly on his side, almost encouraging you to roll over against him.
âForgot to ask,â he says quietly, running his right hand through his hair to push the shorter strands off his forehead.
From his tone you can decipher that he actually means âcanât be bothered.â Itâs a devastating thing to imagine just how many he goes through, anyway. He probably doesnât see the point in replacing something that will inevitably have the same fate as the others.
There has to be less than an arms length between you two. Itâs a surreal situation to be in considering what you thought you knew about him. A recluse. Standoffish. Maybe itâs all a fluke and the alcohol is severely fucking with your perception of whatâs actually happening.
âThanks for everything,â you whisper as if someone else will overhear.
âGet some sleep,â he insists, rolling onto his back. You do the same.
You stare at the blank ceiling for a while, noticing the exact moment Logan falls asleep; his breathing grows slow and his body runs even hotter than before.Â
You think about how he could wake at any moment, claws accidentally sliding right through your stomach from a nightmare or two. You imagine all the others that have been in your positionâif they felt scared, if they even knew.Â
He asked you to trust him, and that should be enough.Â
There is a body full of secrets and hurt sleeping undisturbed next to you with the ability to withstand and regenerate from any physical injury, yet thereâs something that hasnât allowed the same to be done for his mind.Â
ââââ
The bright amber sun hits your closed eyes through the window, making you roll your head away onto the other side of the cool pillow.
You want more sleep. Your head feels like a bag of bricks and your body feels like it got beat with them.
You stretch a leg out, gently grazing something solid with your foot. Your eyes shoot open, the night coming back to you as you drift into consciousness. Logan.Â
You shoot up, bouncing a little from the momentum.
Logan startles next to you, clearly interrupted from a deep sleep. âWhat the fuckâŚâ he groans, rubbing a hand over his face, not seeming interested in making a move to sit up with you.
âWhat time is it?â Your eyes bounce around the room looking for a clock.
He grunts, reaching for a watch on the nightstand. âSeven-forty.â
You needed to be in the Danger Room for 7 oâclock.
âFuck!â You rip the blanket off, almost tripping as you run to the bathroom.
Logan also wants to roll back over and go back to sleep, but he knows he wonât be able to. He doesnât work like that. So he just lays there, listening to you swear and make a mess of his bathroom as the clattering of fuck-knows-what fills the room.Â
The surprise of how well he slept makes him feel uneasy. Although it definitely wasnât eight hours, it was uninterrupted. He doesnât want to credit that to you, though. He wants to believe that heâs getting better overall, and maybe he is, so he canât offer you any flattery in his mind.
Another distant âfuckâ escapes the bathroom, pulling him out of his thoughts. You exit a few minutes later, as refreshed and presentable as you could get yourself, and the sight of Logan still in bed makes something in you ache for another moment of feeling him care and tend to you. Maybe thatâs your hangover talking.
âThanks again. Iâll see you around,â you say hurriedly, offering an apologetic smile as you turn the doorknob to leave.
âGood luck with Charles.â Itâs a genuine advisory. Fuck. Youâll be so incredibly lucky if he doesnât give you more than a stern lecture in front of everyone.
You take a deep breath in and slip out of Loganâs room. Thereâs not a single cut, mark, or scratch on you, just like he promised.
ââââ â ââââ
âI was told itâll take a day to fix,â Storm explains with a shrug. âYouâll have to find somewhere or someone to room with until tomorrow. Jean already offered to have me stay with her.â A contrite look passes over her face.
You stand outside your rooms, staring in at the remnants of the mess caused by two terrakinetic kids fucking around in the courtyard when they werenât supposed to be. They somehow managed to throw, or launch, sizeable tree branches right through each of your windows. Of course it wasnât on purpose, but the Danger Room exists for a reasonâto avoid mishaps like this.Â
Shards of glass and fragments of wood splatter your floors. The branches are hanging half-way out both of your windows, caught on the window sills and bobbing in the evening summer wind. The kids are extremely fortunate that neither of you were in your rooms when it happened.
âItâs fine. Itâs just one night,â you sigh, rubbing your eyes in frustration. You donât love how quickly your mind picks out who to go to. Itâs already nearing 11 p.m., so you have to work fast.Â
Storm squeezes your shoulder in comfort. âThe living room is always free,â she suggests with a remorseful smile.
But you donât want the living room. Stiff couches mixed with students clamouring and passing by at the crack of dawn isnât exactly a recipe for a good nights rest. As if you usually get one, anyway.
âNot a fucking chance,â you laugh. âIâll be fine,â you say again, dismissing her worries. You wish her goodnight when she steps by you to head towards Jeanâs room at the very end of the hall.
You glare at the mess in your room, not daring to step in. The amount of shattered glass everywhere makes the floor look like a body of water from the reflections of the pale moonlight bouncing and refracting off of the jagged shards.
âFuck,â you spit through your teeth, solely to yourself.
Not even a full week after Logan saw you at your worst, youâre going to go back and ask for the left side of his bed. Shameless.
You donât have much of a choice; youâre not comfortable having it be anyone else. Itâs only because Logan saw you at your worst that you feel heâs the most logical choice. Already having shared a bed with him this week may also have some weight in your decision. Â
You take the few self-assured steps to his room, once again standing in front of his door. This time you feel more confident in approaching the Wolverine in his den.
You knock three times, the piercing sound echoing through the hall.
âYou start to miss me or what?â A bare chest enters your view. You note the dog tag hanging from his neck again before you find his unyielding gaze full of ambiguity, wondering why youâre here. Again.
You blink at him slowly in hilarity. âHa, funny. Can I stay with you tonight?â You ask flatly, not thrilled with the situation, but not completely displeased with being here now. âMy windowââ
âI know what happened,â he interrupts. âFigured youâd go for the couch in the living room.â He looks at you more pointedly with teasing suspicion.Â
âI think you know no one would ever willingly choose to sleep out there,â you reason, running a hand over your face in both shame and defeat.
He makes a face that tells you âtouchĂŠâ and you smirk in satisfaction. âIf you donât mind giving up half of your bed again, I would really appreciate it. I promise Iâm not trying to make this a habit,â you sigh. Spending the night in Loganâs bed three times in the past month has to be a record for anyone recently.Â
âI donât think it would be a bad habit,â he argues. Oh. âCâmon.â He gives a jerk of his head to allow you in, his tufts of his hair bristling with the quick movement.
âThanks,â you squeak. He wants you here?Â
He shuts the door behind you, following you to the bed thatâs clearly already had him in it. The blanket rests in waves on the mattress that remind you of just how human Logan is despite his reputation and image.
âDo you have an early morning?â You ask, slipping under the blanket.
âNo. Charles was feeling nice for once,â he raises his tone sarcastically to rag on Charlesâ judgement, which has clearly been a much needed one before now.
âNot an early bird?â You roll onto your right side like last time, facing him as he settles on his back with a deep breath. The bed sinks in again where he lays, your body wanting to give in to the laws of gravity and fall into him.
âFuck no,â he laughs lightly, eyes crinkling around the corners. Itâs self-deprecating, but itâs still a genuine laugh. The condescension from it lingers in the air, all directed at himself in a way that tells you heâs thinking about how inconceivably fucked up he is.
The last time he had a decent sleep was when you were drunk in his bed a few days ago.
âPeople like us donât usually get the pleasure of a full eight hours,â he notes, sliding his gaze to yours for a fraction of a second.
He props an arm behind his head, the other resting on his chest and idly twisting the dog tag between his fingers. You watch the thin piece of steel slide and flip easily, the chain tinkling with every movement.
People like us.
âYou mean mutants,â you state. You see his jaw tense in what little light there is from the half-moon tonight.
You see his brows pull together. âYeah.â He has a point.
You think about the mutants you know, how they all have some horrific story about their gifts or family, or both. How they either were shamed by society or experimented on like rats.Â
The scenarios are endless. If you can think of it, some mutant has probably lived it.
Your heart sinks to the bottom of your stomach. You and Logan are not isolated or special cases, but youâve already shared a moment of vulnerability with him when you came to his door all those weeks ago seeking solace for the same thing he fights with: the inescapable ability of remembering.
You pull the blanket tighter against you. âI donât think youâll hurt me.âÂ
He turns his head to you, confusion written on his face. âWhat?â He stops toying with the dog tag.
âYour claws. I trust you.â You didnât feel like you were in immediate danger that first night, but you want to reassure him anyway. Or maybe youâre reassuring yourself.Â
He hasnât had to say a single word for you to know his nightmares trigger something instinctive and combative thatâs been hardwired into his DNA. In this case, itâs his claws needing to find a home in his mattresses, where another body could potentially lay one night. Like yours is right now.
You noticed the lack of holes in this mattress when you first got to the bed. Maybe you mentioning them last time was enough for him to finally request a new one.
Logan knows he shouldnât make promises he doesnât know heâll be able to keep, but he wants to keep you here tonight, so he improvises. He abandons the dog tag between his fingers completely, turning onto his side and reaching to find your hand under the blanket. You meet him halfway, sliding your fingers between his as your palms lay flat on the bed.
A smile tugs at your lips for a moment. He watches your interlinked fingers, observing the size difference, wondering if he really just did thatâand why.Â
You assume itâs his way of saying âthank youâ for your trust when you probably shouldnât be putting that much into him.
âDoes it hurt?â You whisper, pulling your fingers out from his just enough to caress the divets between his knuckles that conceal the claws.
He knows what youâre asking. âEvery time.â He softly pushes his fingers back into yours, squeezing a little.Â
Thereâs a deadly stillness in the room despite his window being cracked. You both know youâre one in the same in a way, and thatâs a connection that Logan hasnât let himself experience. Not everyone likes looking in a mirror.
To be truly seen by someone, wholly, without judgement or fear, is what he deserves.Â
âWhat are you?â He asks, rubbing his index finger back and forth along the top of your hand. âTelekinetic? Psychic?â His curious voice grows quiet, hazel eyes fascinated with you and your lack of a physical mutation, at least nothing that he can see.
It never occurred to you that he didnât know your mutation, or that youâve never told him. It was never needed, but it seems unfair that you know about his when he wasnât the one who told you.
âHa, close.â Your eyes twinkle as you notice how intently heâs listening. âPsychometric,â you correct, watching his forehead crease.
âSounds like math,â he quips, readjusting his head on the pillow. Heâs close enough that you can feel the heat heâs putting off.
You laugh quietly. âNo, itâs extrasensory perception. It lets me see the history of any object or person I touch, but only if I accept the energy,â you explain.
You watch his eyes narrow and you know what heâs thinking, so you quickly interject as he begins to pull his hand out from yours. âI need to touch a pulse point to be able to see anything,â you reassure, feeling his fingers slide back against yours. âThe heart remembers everything,â you clarify.
The catch? The personâs memories and past stay with you after you see them. Itâs become hard to distinguish what memories are yours or someone elseâs. They all become intertwined. Good or bad, violent or gentle. You see it all, and then itâs part of you. Forever.
âI havenât looked. I promise.âÂ
âGood. You donât need to see that shit,â he huffs, eyes wandering over your face. He isnât sure what heâs looking for, but heâs a little startled for the first time in a while.
âIâm sure Iâve seen it all,â you state. Itâs probably not far off from the truth. Your gift came when you were all too young, and plenty of time has passed since then for you to rack up this amount of damage from near-strangers and their lives.
âNo, you havenât.â A sure expression passes over him, shaking his head as best as he can against the pillow.Â
âThen Iâll count myself lucky,â you say softly. You have no idea what Logan has experienced, but his demeanor makes you want to stay curious. Not everything needs to be known, and youâre definitely not entitled to it.
A faint smile appears on his lips, then itâs gone just as quick. âGet some sleep,â he rasps. He turns onto his back and his hand abandons yours.Â
Itâs a complete repeat of last time.
Something twinges in your heart, and you donât like it. What exactly had you expected from Logan? Heâs just doing you a courtesy by letting you stay here for the night. Nothing more. And thatâs what you should expect: nothing.
The hum of crickets outside eventually lulls you into a dead sleep. Itâs heavy and deep, not a single muscle twitching in your body. Logan breathes steadily next to you, a hand on his chest as the occasional snore fills the air.
From above you two might look like youâre transient, only here in this moment for a short time. And, realistically, you are.Â
ââââ
Logan was no where to be seen by the time you woke up, and you made quick work to get out of his room. It always feel wrong to be in someoneâs space when they arenât there.
Just like Storm said, the windows in your rooms were fixed the next day. It looks as though nothing even happened.
âThank fuck,â you mumble to yourself as you step back into your room.
If you ever have to spend another night in Loganâs bed, you might as well wear a shirt that says âyes, weâre fucking!â, even if it isnât true. You could deny it all you want, but it wonât stop what students would say. Nothing gets past them, even if itâs behind a closed door.
ââââ â ââââ
âAre you fucking Logan?â
You almost swallow your tongue. âSorry?â Your brows shoot up in surprise, eyes round in disbelief.
âAre you guys sleeping together?â Storm casually asks as she flicks through the T.V. channels, glancing over to you from her spot on the couch.
Youâre sat comfortably in an arm chair, suddenly no longer caring what channel she decides on. âWhy would you think that?â Technically you were sleeping together, but not like that. It may never happen again, no matter how badly you want it to.
âThings travel fast around here,â she deflects with a cheeky smile. âAnd, you know, Logan isâŚLogan.â She shrugs.
You donât even know what to say to that. Is there a right or wrong answer?
âIt wasnât like that,â you grumble. âHe was doing me a favour. As a friend.â It hasnât even been a full day since he let you stay with him while pieces of your window laid on your floor, and people are already convinced youâre fucking.Â
You havenât even managed a chaste kiss, despite how much as you want to, never mind his dick being balls deep in you.
âRight.â She emphasizes the word, not convinced. Or just pushing your buttons because she can.Â
You roll your eyes. âIf anything was happening, youâd be the first to know,â you point out.Â
She looks back over to you. âI know,â she says with another, more sincere, smile. âYou two would be cute, though.âÂ
You give her some side-eye, not quite sure if you disagree entirely with that statement. Whatever happens, happens. Logan is not something you can control or influence. He does whatâand whoâhe wants, when he wants.Â
ââââ
A bolt of lightening strikes you. You gasp, then release a choked cry, eyes flying open as you claw at your chest in terror.
Your throat tightens and you break out in a cold sweat as you sit up. The soft blanket around you feels constricting. Sporadic and short breaths make you heave as your body registers the horrors in your subconscious.Â
There was never any lighting. Thatâs just what the pain feels like.
The muscles in your shoulders and neck tense from your panicked state as your heart struggles to keep a normal rhythm. You yank the blanket off, feeling weak from fear and the onset of tremors. Your whole body gives up on itself as you sob through broken exhales. Your legs have gone cold, lungs shrinking inch by inch with every passing minute.Â
You crawl to the edge of your bed, wanting to just get out and leaveâthe blanket. The bed. The room. Most of all, you want to escape your own mind.
You sink onto the floor when a foot touches the ground, and you realize walking isnât in the cards right now. Youâre shaking too badly to be able to physically move. All your strength is gone, robbed by your memories.
Balmy tears paint your face in determination, making sure no part of you is left untouched by this spell.
You screw your eyes shut, tears still slipping out with ease anyway. Leaning your back against the bed-frame, you curl into yourself and wrap your arms around your knees on the chilled hardwood.
You try to focus on your breathing to at least slow your heart down to a pace that doesnât hurt.
Wounded cries rip their way out of you, interrupting the breaths you try to steady. A hand touches your arm and you yelp like an injured dog, flailing at the contact as your arms swing out from around your knees in shock.
âHey, hey, itâs me. Itâs me.â Strong hands quickly wrap around each of your wrists to stop your arms from thrashing.
You try to focus your eyes, blurred and stinging from tears, on the person kneeling closely in front of you.
âL-LoganâŚâ you whisper, balling your fists to try and expel the shakes.
He looks like someone who shouldnât be able to be concerned about another person, yet the look on his face scares you. Brows pinched together in worry, eyes frantic, lips parted from heavy breaths. All because of you.
âItâs just me,â he hushes your cries. His thumbs stroke the undersides of your wrists tenderly, no doubt feeling your racing pulse.Â
You feel disoriented. âWhâŚhowâŚâÂ
âI heard you,â he explains, watching you process everything. He drops your wrists when some recognition passes over your face.
âWhat do you need?â He follows your gaze as it wanders around the room, trying to keep you from spiralling further.
You look at him for a moment. Heâs got his white tank-top on, the black sweats, and an intense need to help you written all over him. Fresh tears burn your cheeks as you come back into reality.
âI want it to fucking stop,â you weep, head falling into your hands in shame.
You donât want him to see you like this, even though itâs a commonality between you two. Itâs too intimate. Youâd take him seeing you blackout drunk everyday of the year over this.
Then you do remember that it has stopped. Each time in Loganâs bed. There was silence. Peace. For the whole night. For both of you.
âTell me what you need,â he says firmly, angling his head down to keep your eyes on him, desperately wanting an answer.
âYou.â You suck in an agonizing breath to try and collect yourself.
He doesnât flinch like you expect him to. If anything, his eyes become more pensive, clearly considering something. Then he shakes his head in wariness.
âCâmon. Letâs get you out of here,â he breathes, voice barely above a whisper. The only sound echoing in the room is your wobbly breathes, your body jerking with each one as you enter the aftermath and begin to go slack.
An arm slides behind your back, his hand grabbing ahold of your side while he pulls your legs over his other arm, picking you up off the floor.
He cradles you against him just like he did when you were drunk, carrying you out of your room.
He left your door open when he came in, and you hope no students heard or saw anything. He tilts to grab the doorknob, shutting it without a sound.
You wipe and rub at your eyes as Logan takes a few steps down the hall, quickly getting to where he needs to go when you feel him lean for his doorknob.
Youâre sure a few rogue, leftover tears fall onto his shirt before he manages to sit on his bed lightly, you still curled tightly in his arms.Â
His hand pushes on your back for you to sit upright on his lap. âFace me,â he encourages, holding onto your sides as you twist around, bending your legs to slide over his thighs and straddle him loosely.Â
You look down at him, he looks up at you, feeling the quivers in your body dissipate as you melt further into his lap. A fondness crosses over both of your tired faces. He rests his arms over your thighs, warm hands linking behind your back as you do the same around his neck.Â
Itâs nothing provocative or seductive. All you can feel is the care and concern rolling off of him in suffocating waves. He wants you to feel safe, and if that means overrunning your senses with his presence, then thatâs what heâll do.
âGot anything to say?â He murmurs, the fallen strands of hair around the edges of his forehead bristle with each move of his head. The rest of his hair fails to fully resemble the cat-like ears he had earlier in the day.Â
What does he want to hear?Â
You let your head hang a little, your nose almost brushing his. âI have nothing to say,â you assert, fidgeting with the chain of his dog tag at the nape of his neck.Â
You donât necessarily feel embarrassed about him seeing you in such a helpless state, but you donât want to simply unload your shit on him. So, in turn, you have nothing to say.
âBullshit.â He almost rolls his eyes. Thereâs no real threat of him forcing you to say anything behind it. He wonât pry, but he doesnât believe you.
An offended look overcomes your face, and you almost pull away. You donât want to feel the humiliation of elaborating on just why exactly you said you needed him in this moment out of everything else.Â
âI justâŚâ You roll your lips together in thought, measuring the words you could say but wonât. âWant to sleep. Here,â you sigh. âI donât wanna go back.â You deflate in his arms, voice wobbly.Â
Itâs already who-knows what time, and you need to pacify your wired nervous system; Logan simply holding you has already helped with that more than you want to admit.
His mouth quirks up briefly at that. âWhat happened to not wanting to make that a habit?â His eyes soften as his arms retract from around your sides, letting you slip easily onto his bed from his lap in a moment of calm, or relief.
Habit, if not resisted, soon becomes necessity.
âSpecial circumstances,â you reason, already pulling the blanket over you while he keeps his place at the edge of the bed, observing you with amusement.
âSeems like you get into those a lot,â he notes, pushing himself off the mattress.
He steps around to the other sideâhis designated spotâand slips the tank-top off, letting it drop to the floor. Youâre not trying to be a freak, but you watch the whole thing.
The flex of his arms and shoulders are out of your mind as fast as they entered as you watch him hook his thumbs in the waistband of his sweats and pull them downright in front of you, not even turning around or to the side to try and conceal himself.
Your eyes widen, then you reel in your thoughts before they get lost at sea. No one who is sane fucking sleeps in sweatpants. Duh.
But didnât he the last two times? Itâs hard for you to remember, but youâd certainly recall if you were face-to-face with the outline of his diâ
âItâs rude to stare, yâknow.â Logan pulls his lips together, interrupting your thoughts. You try to not eyeball the bulge too hard, but it basically looked at you first.Â
The snug briefs do little to hide anything. They hide nothing, actually.
You almost scoff, but the playfulness in his tone tells you he couldnât give a shit. He probably likes it anyway. From what you know, he definitely does.
âOh, yeah, like youâve ever cared about modesty,â you throw back, averting your gaze to the ceiling anyway.
Itâs not that he runs around the mansion naked, but he definitely isnât shy about what he looks like or against showing some skin. Youâve seen and heard enough over the past few months.
You hear a stifled chuckle as he joins you under the blanket without a retort. He knows youâre right. Heâs just glad youâre a little lively and alert.
âWill you be okay for the rest of the night?â He brings both hands behind his head on the pillow, propping himself up a little.
âI should be fine,â you say confidently. âThe challenge will be getting back to sleep.â You laugh in exasperation.Â
Itâs always hard to calm down and get back to a place of tranquility after everything has settled with your mind. Youâre pumped full of adrenaline and thereâs not much that can curb something that persistent flowing through your body.
You havenât found anything to help with it. Yet.Â
âThereâs not many people thatâll understand what you go through,â he starts, voice rough with fatigue. âBut I do.â
You look to him, sliding an arm under your pillow as you turn on your side. âHow do youâŚhelp it.â Youâre not sure if you phrased that right. It feels crude to reduce something so complex to the likes of a common cold that has an array of over-the-counter solutions.Â
âYou donât. It just has to run its course.â He looks to you, wanting to see your reaction.Â
It wasnât meant to be hurtful or insensitive, but heâs not going to lie to you and say that things can only get better and that the worst is over. Especially for mutants, thatâs not always true.
Although you donât know what Logan lives with every day and sleeps with every night, you do know that his capacity for empathy is still intact. Here you are in his bed after all, seeing and indulging in a side of him that many never will.Â
You sigh lightly. âWeâre quite the pair.âÂ
A comfortable half-smirk slips over his lips. âI think weâre just fucked up insomniacs,â he suggests with a breathy exhale thatâs close enough to a laugh.
You wish you could slide a thumb over the pulse in his wrist and see whatâs haunting him, just to understand what happened to the Wolverine, but youâve learned that doing so usually isnât worth the price youâll pay after. If whatâs in his head is horrific enough to cause him to go through a couple mattresses a month, then it wonât do you any good either.
âI sleep pretty good with you,â you offer, seeing how he raises a brow in doubt almost instantly.
He sleeps well with you, too. It kind of rattled him when he noticed a pattern of uninterrupted nights and you being by his side. Not a single mattress ruined on those nights.
âTry not to knee me in the stomach tonight,â he deflects with ease. He takes his hands out from behind his head, sliding his left arm under the pillow as he turns over onto his side and closes his eyes. Facing you.
You mentally smack yourself. Multiple times. You didnât think you drifted that much when you slept.Â
âNo promises,â you mutter. You catch a small shake of his head before you let yourself join him in unconsciousness as you mirror each others lonely bodies.
ââââ
Your eyes acheâto open, to move, to touch. Enough crying will do that to you.Your eyelids are heavy, but thereâs something else weighing down on you.Â
A tired groan crawls from your throat as you try to place yourself for a moment. The morning sun is just beginning to shine too brightly for your liking, and you squish your face deeper into the pillow.
Youâre still tipsy with sleep, lying flat on your stomach, but thereâs something dense and hot resting over your back.Â
You prop yourself up on your forearms, giving yourself a minute to wake up. You twist your hips around to sit yourself up, feeling the thing on your back slide down to your waist.Â
The blanket pools around your hips, and you feel a hand reflexively squeeze over the meat of your hip in disapproval of your moving. Something in you clenches at the sensation of something invading the area with ease. A spot reserved for intimacy.
Your head quirks to your right, seeing Logan on his stomach with his right arm thrown over your midsection.Â
You blink in surprise, staring at his sleeping body. His hair is sticking up every which way, his head half-off the pillow, his side of the blanket not even covering the curve of his ass anymore. Itâs endearing to see the Wolverine in such a normal, human state.
But if someone were to walk in, it would look like you two spent the whole night fucking. A lot. That wakes you up a little more.
You peek over at the nightstand behind him and see the time blinking on his watch. Itâs already 8 a.m.Â
You rest a hand over his shoulder to gently guide his arm off of you, but you stop yourself. Instead, you lightly trace your fingers down his shoulders and upper back a couple times, occasionally scratching softly over the ridges of muscle.
A shiver quickly rolls through his upper body, but your touch doesnât fully wake him. He knows itâs just you.
Itâs the least you can do for him as a thanks for recovering your broken body from the floor of your room and bringing you here when he didnât necessarily have to.
It almost feels like instinct to offer comforting gestures to him. Thereâs something inside you that just pulls to him. You want to be the one that can give him comfort and help him put himself back together.Â
You want to be the only one.
ââââ â ââââ
Thereâs a shadow thatâs been following you around the mansion.Â
As soon as you stepped out of Loganâs room that morning a few days ago, it started.Â
This shadow likes to be nosy about what youâre doing. This shadow likes to be in your space. This shadow wants to be in your space. And he is.
No one has seen Logan out around the mansion this much, including you, and thatâs how you noticed heâs basically been attached to your hip ever since he decided your back was a comfortable armrest.Â
Heâs always just there, like a stray cat begging for food or affection. There to entertain you, banter with you, indulge you, in any way he can, including now as you trail back inside the mansion well behind Storm from an evening walkabout in the garden.
âNo smoking in the courtyard,â you sing as you pass him carelessly, not even offering a glance to him in interest.Â
You like playing this game. Whatever it is. Constantly poking and prodding at each other to see what you can do to get the other to break in some way, no matter how slight.Â
Your heart flutters and flips every time; maybe from the thrill of it all, maybe from the arousal you get from the tension. You hope he feels everything, too.
He turns his head to watch you cross into the entryway. âBlow me,â he throws back playfully through a thick puff of smoke, leaning against the brick wall with a cigar pinched between two fingers.
You suppress a chuckle, keeping your unwavering pace. âYeah, you wish!â You yell over your shoulder. You know he hears you. He wouldnât let himself miss it.
Logan smirks and shakes his head in amusement, always impressed with your quick rebuttals that occasionally tent his jeans. He takes one last drag out of spite before following your footsteps inside.Â
You have become, by definition, friendsâŚin a way. Even if you sorely cross the line into other territory more often than not. Sexual innuendos and friendly flirting can only go on for so long before the underlying intentions and meaning reflects real desires.Â
Itâs evolved into more than just borrowing his bed a couple times or helping each other out. Itâs surpassed the fear of whatever habit you were afraid of forming from doing so. Itâs become a dependency to get that adrenaline high from simply riling each other up.
You have an assumption that if you were to end up in Loganâs bed again, somehow, there will be a point of no return that youâll be faced with. There arenât many more excuses that can be used for explaining to yourselves why youâre together in bed before you have to recognize the truth.
That platonic line is being stretched too thin, and youâre not sure how much farther it can go.
ââââ â ââââ
âHowâve you been sleeping?â
âFine. You?â
âCould be better.â Logan hides his smirk, but you can hear it in his voice.
You narrow your eyes skeptically as he fishes around in the fruit bowl sitting in the middle of the kitchen island.
âHow so?â You ask. Your legs swing leisurely as you sit upon the chilled countertop on his left, idly waiting for Storm to show up and go with you to training.
A smug, tight-lipped grin flashes across his face, a green apple rolling around in his palms before he puts it back. âYou could be there,â he provokes, his eyes bright.
Itâs your turn to raise a brow at him, but you canât stop your smile. âOh?â
He turns to you, tenderly grabbing the tops of your thighs and parting them slightly to stand between your legs.
This isnât the first time heâs done this, and he knows it rouses you in all the right ways. But, neither of you will do anything about it. Not even a brief kiss.
âCome on,â he goads, planting his hands down next to your hips, bringing himself in closer as he bears his weight on his arms. âYou scratch my back, Iâll scratch yours.â He sways his head side to side to emphasize his point.
Fuck. Thatâs good.Â
That may be exactly what you did for him, but itâs now a figure of speech for something else entirely. Itâs almost impossible to argue against either way, as if you want to. This is what youâve been patiently waiting for.Â
You put your hands over his as you lean back a little to put some distance between you. âHow sweet,â you hum.
His eyes flick from yours to your lips one too many times before you continue. âYou start to miss me?â You tease as you lean forward again, echoing what he said to you the night your window got smashed in.
âSmart-ass,â he mutters as you laugh quietly. The tips of your noses barely graze each other as he steps in closer again. Youâre almost at the same height like this.Â
âSave me the left side,â you advise, bringing your hands to his shoulders as you fondle his white t-shirt between your fingers. Youâre so close, and heâs already so warm against you just like this.
âAlways do.â
ââââ
You want to rip your heart out of your chest from how hard itâs pounding against your ribs. Itâs almost throwing you forward with each heavy beat.
Three resounding knocks fill the hallway as you shuffle on your feet, waiting for Logan to open the door.
It feels like youâre doing something bad. Something parents would warn their kids against. Something greatly envied.
Everything inside you feels on fire. Your thoughts, desires, anxiety, all jumbling together into one distorted state of mind and body.
âAh, welcome back.â His sarcastic tone makes your face go hot. A satisfied smirk crosses his lips as he runs a hand through his shaggy, unstyled hair.Â
You shake your head, pursing your lips. âKnock it off.â You gently shove at his bare chest. Misbehaviour already. But are you really surprised?
Logan grabs your wrist, delicately guiding you into his room. âYou enjoy it,â he says lowly, quickly shutting the door as soon as youâre in.Â
âMaybe,â you hum in response, pulling away from his grasp and seeking out your side of the bed. Logan follows closely behind, giving your ass a light smack in encouragement before he cuts away to his side while you jolt in shock, a stunned look on your face as you whip your head around to him across the bed.
âOh, really?â You scoff. Heâs biting back a smile, not moving until he knows what youâll do next. Heâs never gone that far before.
âIâm sorry, that was rudeâhow can I make it up to you?â He almost chokes on a laugh, pulling his dog tag back and forth along the chain while he considers you.
This Logan is very different from the one you were met with the first night he let you in his space. This one is attentive and exuberant, yet he hasnât given you much up until this point right now. Youâve gotten way too comfortable with him without even doing anything to you.Â
In this moment, he isnât the brooding, animalistic Wolverine many see him as. Heâs just Loganâfor you.Â
You watch him carefully, easing yourself onto the bed. âGet in the fucking bed,â you slap his side of the mattress with a thump of your palm. âAnd do what you promised earlier,â you stare pointedly at him.
He owes you that âyou scratch my back, Iâll scratch yoursâ favour he decided to pull out to get you here.Â
âMm, alright, alright,â he surrenders, a look of amusement still on his face as he kneels onto the bed. âI thought of a pretty good idea for it,â he says softly, crawling to sit next to you on top of the blanket as the bed-frame creaks with the added weight.
Your shoulders almost brush against each other. You shift, turning your body fully toward him. âOh? Whâwoah!â
You squeal when his strong hands latch onto your sides, lifting you just enough to pull you over his legs to plant you on his lap. He leans back against the headboard, pulling on your thighs so you straddle him tightly.Â
He looks devilish when you catch his gaze again, and you know whatâs coming. Whatâs been coming. Your hands find their places on his shoulders, warm and taut, as his hands hold your hips.Â
The bond between you will culminate tonight. It will be wrapped in a blanket and trapped between two alike souls that lie heart-to-heart in the dead of night. It will be perpetual.
The heat of him between your legs makes you restless. Itâs just you, him, and the darkness in the quiet room youâve become too familiar with.
âLoganâŚâ you trail off bashfully when you feel something firm through his sweats poke against your cunt. It clearly doesnât take much to excite him.
âHm?â He takes you in for a split second, hands running from your hips up to your chest leisurely with a sharp inhale, not yet completely bothered by the fact that you have a shirt on.Â
You suck in a shaky breath when your hips accidentally shift over his bulge from his hands pushing and pulling over you.
âWhatâs the idea?â Your voice wavers.
You know what it is. He knows that. You just want to hear him say it and fill the silence.
âSomething Iâve wanted for a while,â he murmurs, eyes hyper-focused on you.Â
Your fingers dance their way to the sides of his neck, brushing along the supple skin while you feel muscles and tendons flex with every slight movement. You subtly press the pad of your index finger against the pulse point right under his jaw, just to ground yourself and truly feel that Logan is there in front of you.Â
His pulse is steady but hard, much like yours, and the prickle of energy festering against the finger almost makes it go numb from not accepting it into your body.Â
âShow me, then.â You smile sweetly, leaning in closer while you tilt his head up with the hand under his jaw, your finger slipping from his pulse and caressing over the dense, coarse hair along his cheek.
Your noses bump while your lips part in anticipation. His eyes flutter as he falls into you and frantically claims your mouth in an unbreakable kiss.
The first kiss. Nothing could tear him from you in this moment.
Your hands cradle his cheeks, keeping him from pulling off too far. His hands scratch and paw at your back, trying to find a way to somehow get you closer against him.
Itâs all a little messy, your lips mostly just mashing together without any rhyme or reason, but neither of you care. You only care about how electrifying it feels to finally have Logan and feel how perfectly connected you are together after all these nights. You go together like a key and its lock.
âLogan,â you pant when his mouth releases yours for a fraction of a breath. The seconds between kisses dwindle the more you take from each other.
Your thighs tense as he pulls half an inch away just to reconnect more crazed as his lips lock over your bottom one aimlessly. Something deep inside you trembles and aches.
He grunts, accidentally sucking the tip of your tongue briefly before slotting his lips back over yours in an apology. âHold on,â he mumbles in a rush against your parted lips. He knows what youâre askingâor trying to ask. He snakes an arm up along your spine and wraps the other around your waist.
Then the world is tilting.
He drops you on your back on the bed from his lap, hovering over you as he distracts you with harsh but pleasing kisses and wet bites along your neck, settling his hips heavily between your thighs. You squirm and feel how bolts of arousal are making your cunt pulse involuntarily.Â
Logan groans. âFuckâI can smell it. I smell you.â He slowly grinds his hips into yours almost reflexively. He squeezes his eyes shut, and you tip your chin up to press a chaste kiss to his slick lips.Â
âTasteâŚif you want to,â you propose, lightly scratching up and down his shoulders and arms, only enough to leave faint red lines for a couple seconds.
Loganâs eyes almost roll into the back of his head before he gives it a small shake, a conflicted look overtaking his face. âOf course I fucking want to, butâfuckânext time. I promise.â He swallows whatever you were going to say with a deep kiss that has you nearly shaking when he sucks on your bottom lip.Â
âLetâs just take things easy,â he says roughly, bearing his weight on his left arm while he tries to get your sleep shorts and underwear off.
A promise of a next time makes your brain go fuzzy like static.
âIâll hold you to it, then,â you resolve, lifting your hips as much as you can for him to lean back and pull away to wrestle your clothes the rest of the way down your legs, discarding them just as quickly.
âI hope you will,â he breathes through a small laugh as he shuffles on his knees. He doesnât want to completely overwhelm you and scare you off, he just wants to enjoy you in a simple way that wonât entirely ruin you for tomorrow.
He doesnât know what you can or cannot handle, but heâs going to find out.
The fresh air in the room brushes cooly against your wet cunt. Itâs a nice contrast to how fiery your whole body feels, but Logan feels even warmer than you somehow. Maybe wolverineâs just run hot.
His sweats have ridden down his hips from his desperate grinding against you, and the dangerous cut of his v-line grows more and more narrow as the waistband teases the reveal of whatâs underneath.
You watch himâpalming his dick once as your knees sway side-to-side in waiting. His thumbs hook under the stretchy fabric, working what remains of his clothes down his sturdy thighs.
âItâs rude to stare.â He pops a brow, a smug, arrogant grin quirking his lips.
You push yourself to sit up, considerably shorter than him in this position as he stands on his knees, and walk two fingers up his toned stomach to his chest, avoiding the hard cock between you.Â
He looks at you with curiosity until your hand grabs his dog tag in a fist, pulling it towards you. âThen stop showing me your dick,â you say as he leans in to your pulling a little to not have the chain break away.
You knew the night Logan dropped his pants in front of you and let you eye-up his bulge would come back to haunt you. But itâs alluring. Big. Curves a little to the left, barely noticeable. A respectable amount of hair decorates the space between his bellybutton and the base of his cock.
He gives in to the tension on the chain, falling back to the mattress with you and trapping you between his arms as his cock rests heavy on your clit.
âHow about I find somewhere to put it?â His smile pushes a whole new wave of arousal from you.
âIt would be a damn shame if you didnât,â you say against his mouth, giving your hips a roll just to tease him before hugging his waist tightly with your knees.
âGood.â He gives you a strong kiss with a small grunt, running his hands over your sides under your shirt. The movement pushes it up, up, up, until you have no choice but to stretch your arms out above you and let him slide it off between more thoughtless kisses, leaving you entirely bare.
He lets you breathe for a moment, dipping his head to bite and suck marks along your collarbones messily. You squeeze around his hips harder, trying to get him to give you something other than his scratchy cheeks rubbing against your skin and the chilled steel of the dog tag dragging over your chest.
The tip of his cock falls and catches over your clit when he moves lower, licking and sucking over your chest like a starved animal finding food for the first time in a week. You gasp from the mixed sensations.
âCâmon, kitty cat, you can do all this while inside m-me,â you say breathily, fingers digging into his shoulders to stop yourself from trembling too much.Â
Logan bites over a nipple before pulling himself back up to look at you. âIs that a promise?â He says lowly, that stupid smirk gracing his face again.
âTry it and find out,â you demand, enjoying the sting of the deeper bites blooming on your torso.
He purses his lips, shifting his weight back onto his knees to grab ahold of his cock to angle and guide it in.
âHm, guess no lube is needed,â he muses when he gets a look at your cunt, sparing you a glance through his lashes.
You roll your eyes shut when your whole body lights up red-hot. âJesus fucking Christ, Logan,â you slap a hand over your eyes as you grimace. You donât want to be that aware of your naked self right now.
He suppresses whatever expression was about to cross his face when his cock notches itself between your soaked folds, teasing your hole with the blunt tip. His brows pinch together and you forget the embarrassment from his crude remark.
But he leaves his cock like that, on the precipice of sliding the rest of the way in with a snap of his hips. Instead, he carefully uncurls his upper body to crawl his way back up to you while holding his hips deathly still.
âAlright, stay with me,â he whispers against your neck when you moan, pressing a tender kiss to your rabid pulse in reassurance.Â
âO-okay,â you sigh, running a hand through his hair and tugging at the roots while the other squeezes around his arm as best as it can. Youâre not even really sure what heâs saying. Â
He kisses up your cheek and over to your lips again. You try to keep up with his quick mouth, licking and sucking whatever part you can get ahold of, but youâve become lost in the feeling of him all over you.Â
Heâs in your mouth, on your chest, against your stomach, nudging your cunt. Everywhere.
He slips his tongue over yours, securing your lips together at the same time he pushes his cock in halfway. Now you understand what he was saying.Â
The lightheadedness from being filled, even just a bit, almost makes you lose yourself. The stretch makes your stomach drop, your legs shake, and your mouth fall open with a whine.Â
âA-ahâfuck. Fuck, Logan,â you whimper, fisting his hair with both hands to stop yourself from falling apart.
He groans, either at the grip you have on his hair or how good your cunt feels already, and runs a hand up your left thigh in comfort as you squeeze around his hips tighter to draw him in.Â
âJust a bit more,â he soothes, trying to resist the urge to slide into you in one fell swoop. It would be so easy to just let his hips fall into yours and fill your cunt.
Another heated kiss, another few inches. He works his cock into you the rest of the way with ease. You guess the lube thing wasnât really a joke. His hungry, needy kisses may have also helped with that.
You choke on your gasps, not wanting to get too loud, and Logan does the same. He tries to muffle both of your moans with his mouth, attempting to form complete kisses, but it just turns into you panting against each other as he finally bottoms out, hitting his end.Â
Your legs relax around his waist as he deftly rocks his hips in small thrusts to get you familiar with his size, his small grunts filling the air each time you swallow him whole.
You let out a deep breath, dropping your hands back to his tense shoulders. He lines your jaw with soft kisses, fisting the blanket in his hands beside your head.
âFuck. Already feels too good,â he moans, pressing into you harder and unintentionally rubbing himself over your tender clit.
You smile, squirming while he works down your neck again. âBest of luck,â you huff, amused at the fact that he might not last as long as he wants to.
He brings his face back to yours, a completely blissful expression controlling his features, but thereâs still some mischief in his hazel eyes. âOh? Yeah?â
You hold each otherâs gaze, both equally dazed and overwhelmed, and he draws his hips back and pushes into your wet cunt with a complete, strong thrust. The sound of his pelvis hitting against the backs of your thighs makes him laugh in pleasure and satisfaction when you instantly roll your eyes and head back.
Your cunt quivers, gripping him tight, and then itâs Loganâs turn to lose composure. He drops his head to your chest, managing a few deep breaths as he slowly pulls out halfway just to push right back into you, over and over.Â
Itâs a pace that isnât quite pure, mindless fucking, but itâs also not somewhere near earnest love-making. Itâs something that feels specifically curated for you. Something that feels measured and sincere.Â
The strength of his thighs hitting against yours pushes you up the mattress a few inches, and you donât know whether to gasp or moan. He reaches somewhere deep inside you, and you know he can feel that, too.
A helpless groan slips through Loganâs lips. âWhere have you fucking been, huh?â He muses through shaky breaths, the determined plunge of his cock hitting something that makes your muscles tense throughout your body.Â
Your fingers tangle in the hair at the base of his neck, keeping him close. âTwo doors down,â you giggle, understanding thatâs not quite what he was asking.
âFucking smart-ass,â he grumbles, silencing any further rebuttals with a wet kiss. You donât think you could manage much more of a conversation even if you wanted to.
The silence is quickly filled with obscene sounds that only seem to leave you wetter and Logan throbbing. You can hear your bodies connecting through your gasping for air and his choked moans, and you can feel the mess youâre making all over him. Itâs smeared along the inside of your thighs from how deep heâs been hitting. The squelching only seems to make him fuck into you harder.
Something inside you starts to grow tight and wind up in your core, making you repeatedly clench around him while his cock strokes all the right spots inside you as he makes sure heâs fucking himself in to the base. He doesnât deprive you of anything.Â
He drops his head to your neck, wedging his face in to latch onto the spot right where your neck starts to slope into your shoulder. The dense muscle there gives him something to basically chew on, sinking his teeth in as deep as he can without drawing blood.
âH-hah, Logan,â you whine, tilting your head into the side of his and squirming from the pleasant sting.
You feel his arm move beside you, then you hear the sound of tearing fabric as he gives a particularly brutal snap of his hips, followed by a deep groan against your skin.
You can barely form any thoughts, but you can guess what just happened. If he pulled his hand back, three long, slim holes would probably be where his knuckles are right now.
âFu-uck, Logan, you just got t-this mattress,â you laugh a little, your words choppy from how hard heâs driving into you now.
He draws back from your neck, seeing your half-lidded eyes trying to focus on him. âCanât always control it,â he reasons, giving you two short, fleeting kisses as you hear his claws retract from the innocent mattress.Â
You see the double-edged sword. You can guess that thatâs the same explanation he would probably use for the nightmares. It can go either way, and now youâve seen both sides.
âItâs okay,â you say in a hushed tone. You cradle his face, and he rests his forehead against yours. âKeep goingâŚkeep going,â you coax, face scrunching from your nearing orgasm.
You can feel it in your toes, your stomach, your shouldersâyouâre tightening up everywhere, and he can undoubtedly feel it in your cunt as you pulse around him. It grips him just right for a couple seconds before relaxing completely and leaving him to chase for more.
âKeep squeezing me like that and youâll get whatever you want,â he offers, fighting to maintain his steady pace for both your sakes.
You almost whine, knowing whatever your body does is beyond your control at this point.
âJustâinside.â You canât even string together a full sentence anymore, but the urgency and stress on the last word makes Loganâs ears perk up.
He presses a soft kiss to your clammy forehead in acknowledgment, the muscles in his arms straining and flexing as he grabs ahold of his own orgasm after a particularly inviting flutter of your walls.
Youâre both walking the line, teetering on the edge of utter euphoria, and you know nothing will be the same after. You donât want it to be. You hope it isnât.
He reaches an arm back, sliding his hand up your thigh again and slotting it behind the bend in your knee. He pushes forwardâonly slightlyâbringing your leg closer to your stomach to stretch you open for him.
His cock brushes over something new. Something that makes you bite your tongue. The angle lets him fit perfectly against you, not hindered by the flesh of your thigh stopping his hips.
You want to cry from how good it all feels. You want to be suspended in this feeling forever. You want Logan toâ
âFocus, baby. Focus on me,â he coos, bringing you back to reality. He holds the side of your head with his other hand affectionately. âCome onâŚcome on, I know youâre almost there,â he encourages with a quick kiss that goes straight to your stomach.
The burn in your thigh from the stretch canât overpower the sparks of your orgasm, and Logan just fanned the flames with a few little words.
You come with a broken sob, convulsing around his cock while he fucks you through it, submitting to his own orgasm only seconds after with deep, shaky breaths as he empties himself inside your cunt.
He doesnât pull out or pull away. He relaxes on top of you, sweaty and sticky with cum, and he places the barest whisper of a kiss on your chin, your parted lips, your nose, and then your forehead.Â
Your ears ring from your orgasm, eyes still slightly out of focus. Your body trembles from your muscles finally releasing the tension theyâve been caught up in.Â
You desperately suck in air, trying to calm your pounding heart, and you just lie there and let Logan walk your body through a cool-down. Soft kisses. Soft touches. Soft looks. Between sweat, cum, and whatever else.
He rocks a little on his knees, weak from his release, and carefully pulls out of you with a huff as he caresses your stomach and thighs appreciatively to wind you down. You get a good look at him. Not a scratch. His hair tells a story, thoughâone where heâs completely possessed by bliss.Â
You probably look like you survived an animal attack.
âAre we even?â Logan says through a kiss against your stomach.
A mindless laugh crawls from your throat, caught up in the feeling of his hands rubbing circles over your hips. âI think I still owe you,â you argue, resting your hands over his as they travel smoothly up your side.
Youâll find a way to make everything up to him. Including the sex. The scale is now tipping to his side too much. All the nights spent in his bed, what heâs done for you, what youâve done for each other, may just be immeasurable, but that wonât stop you from finding a way to get him back for it all.Â
âWeâll figure it out,â he mumbles, snaking back up your body and pressing himself against you. Face-to-face. Chest-to-chest.Â
You mindfully run your hands over the sides of his head, trying to tame his hair and style it back to how it was earlier in the night. It doesnât work. He enjoys it anyway.
âDo I have the pleasure of staying here tonight?â You ask rhetorically, enjoying the warmth of him on top of you against the brisk air creeping in from the cracked window.
Logan blinks. âYou can stay every night.âÂ
A loving smile springs over your face. This may be the beginning of the end to your troubles and worries. Â
Youâmaybe foolishlyâtrust him. You trust that he wonât accidentally bury his claws in your side during the night, but youâve had impressive luck with that up until this point. The only thing you can do now is continue to push that luck.
Healing isnât linear, and you canât expect someone to fix you, but everyone finds their thing at some point.Â
You slither your hand down to his neck, index finger grazing over his pulse again. You feel the energy biting against you.
Your lips graze over his, tempting him to give you a slow, deep kiss. âCan I have the left side?â Rhetorical, again.
Logan chuckles against your mouth. âAlways.â
#did my best to appease readers from the criticism iâve seen about logan fics so. lol#logan howlett x you#logan howlett x reader#wolverine x reader#wolverine x you#logan howlett smut#wolverine smut#xmen x reader#xmen x you#xmen smut#hugh jackman x reader#hugh jackman x you#marvel smut#the wolverine x reader#x men x reader#logan howlett fluff#wolverine fanfiction
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No but I'm still looking for the Denny's that is still in the middle of nowhere
having cis guy friends is so funny like youll ask if they wanna hang out and theyll send you to the dark woods
#no joke#my brother. fresh out of the house. 19#years old. rolls up to our house right after midnight with a car full of teenagers. tells me and my little sister to get in.#obviously we're asking questions. where are we going. how long are we going to be gone. what are we doing. why are all these people in here.#and a big ol barn that quite literally looks like it's from a Scooby Doo snapshot. it's falling apart#the whole shebang#he answers NONE of them.#so we get in the back seat. I'm being gay with my friend at the time. and we're chilling listening to tunes on the radio.#except now they're talking about a Denny's. i look to the front seat where my brother is driving and he pulls up pictures on his phone#of the inside of somebody's. house. What?#and if that wasn't weird enough. we had already driven 20 minutes off a sideroad into the middle of nowhere. nothing but grass#and a big ol barn/farmhouse that looks like it came straight out of a Scooby Doo snapshot. it's dark as hell out. the lone building appearin#blue in the dark. with a single orange lantern lit hanging from the top. i look to my brother who has never lead me astray before.#and I feel like i am part of Scooby Doo. five teenagers in a car. in the middle of the night. wondering where the hell Denny's went.#now finally my brother has some wits to him. and we take a tight u turn and turn ourselves around. good. shows over right? WRONG.#this bitch pulls up YET ANOTHER place on his phone and starts driving 15 MINUTES UP ONTO A DIRT ROAD AND KEEPS DRIVING.#we're going to a haunted bridge boys!#in the middle of the night! at like 3am! the witching hour! great plan broski. sounds awesome. good thinking there.#we get to this haunted bridge. and this mf is barely 5ft across. but the water below is dark and murky and my lil sis INSISTS she sees a#dude down below. so I'm silently freaking out because what the hell do i say to that. she's like. 13. i tell her it'll be okay. because#that's what big/middle bros do. we drive over the bridge. nothing happens. cue relaxation. my brother is audibly disappointed#âwell that was uselessâ bro you almost took us to Denny's in some cannibalistic farmdudes basement. i think I'll take the barely haunted#bridge. my brother. who still wants to show us an adventure. and probably save face in front of his friends. flips us around yet again and#starts heading off into a whole NEW direction. towards the World's Largest Gas Station!#it is like 4am by now. we're hungry. we're cramping. losing our marbles with exhaustion. and still processing our latest episode with the#Mystery Machine. so fine. I'm taking a nap. just don't get us killed in the long run.#we survived. btw. if that wasn't obvious. and we did actually make it to The World's Biggest Gas Station. and it was pretty fun.#as far as gas stations go at least. i got some honey sticks and a lollipop in the shape of a bear. i don't really like honey. but it wascute#there were walls FILLED with stuffed animals.a whole clothing department. a candy shop. and even a full fledged restaurant on the other side#i think there were even two levels to it? i can't remember. but anyways. we eat. we leave. we survive. end of story.
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please date my sister in law | max verstappen
pairing: max verstappen x reader
summary: the one where charles wonât rest until he gets his fiancĂŠeâs sister a boyfriend.
liked by maxverstappen1, yoursistersuser, 806,026 others!
charles_leclerc: are you a hot and single guy OR woman in monaco looking for the perfect lady? well boy do i have good news for you! here we have yn ln, my sister-in law, sheâs VERY single, likes long walks on the beach, napping, eating, and knitting. if you are interested please comment below! SERIOUS OFFERS ONLY.
view comments below!
yourusername: what the fuck is this charles
charles_leclerc: this is me getting you a boyfriend?
yourusername: NO CHARLES THIS IS JUST NO. @/yoursistersuser TAKE HIS PHONE?
yoursistersuser: I HAVE BUT HE JUST KEEPS BUYING MORE
charles_leclerc: i cannot be stopped
user1: iâm interested?
charles_leclerc: no you are too ugly
yourusername: cha please stop
charles_leclerc: i will stop once i get you a nice PRETTY boyfriend
yoursistersuser: love, please delete this
charles_leclerc: i would do anything for you⌠except deleted this. yn needs a bf, sheâs been to lonely lately
yoursistersuser: but this doesnât help her get a boyfriend charles
charles_leclerc: but it will!! have faith
user2: heâs trying to sell her like sheâs a dog?? đ
user3: âlikes long walks on the beach, napping, eatingâ IS SHE A DOG CHARLES??
user4: this is borderline weird and thoughtful at the same time
user5: charles get engaged and goes crazy
user6: iâm interested!
charles_leclerc: no you are far too short
yourusername: whatâs the point of this if youâre just going to reject everyone
charles_leclerc: i need to pick someone suitable, i donât need someone ugly or short ruining my wedding pictures
yourusername; then how about you delete this and donât have to worry about âsomeone ugly or short ruining my wedding picturesâ
charles_leclerc; but i donât want you alone and sad in the pictures either!
user7: yn doesnât have a bf?? sheâs gorgeous
user8: charles you work with 19 perfectly rich, fine, and tall?? (not really, depends) men, set her up with them
user9: girl half of those men are taken
user8: okay so like 8 rich, fine, and tall (??) men, those are still lots of chances
oscarpiastri: what is going on?
charles_leclerc: are you interested oscar? because youâd be my top pick.
oscarpiastri: iâm too busy with racing for relationships right now, sorry!
yourusername: i just got rejected in front of the whole world through my brother-in law. CHARLES PLEASE STOP THIS
user9: hey so this is crazy!
user10: itâs cute that he cares enough about this too make a whole post
yourusername: charles please stop iâm getting so many dick pics
user12: gross
user13: oh thatâs notâŚ
user14: #freeyn
user15: why is he trying to sell her like a dog
user16: if this actual works, i fear we will never hear the end of it from charles
charles_leclerc: all those who are sending dick pics to my sister-in law WILL be reported for harassment. you are lucky my fiancĂŠ is holding me back from posting your small dicks all over social media.
user17: POST THE SMALL DICKS CHARLES, DO IT
user18: STOP HOLDING HIM BACK!! LET HIM BE FREE
user19: when heâs protective over his soon to be family >>
user20: three days into summer break and charles has gone crazy
yourusername: i gave you permission to propose to my sister and this is how you repay me?
yoursistersuser: weâre stuck with him for this rest of our lives đ
yourusername: please, donât remind me.
user21: âguy or womanâ is yn gay?
charles_leclerc: yes! she is half homosexual :)
yourusername: jesus charles
charles_leclerc: what? itâs true!
danielricciardo: can you do one of these post for me?
charles_leclerc: you are rich, tall and buff. no.
charles_leclerc; @/maxverstappen1, @/georgerussell63, @/oscarpiastri, @/carlossainz55, @/alex_albon, @/danielricciardo, @/landonorris whoâs interested? đ
alex_albon; nope
danielricciardo: this weird mate
oscarpiastri; iâve already said no
landonorris: no thank you
carlossainz55: no thank you
georgerussell63: shakes head
yourusername; kill me now
charles_leclerc: okay. whatever. i donât care.
carlossainz55: he cares
charles_leclerc: on a completely totally unrelated note @/maxverstappen1, join me for coffee tomorrow morning?
maxverstappen1: sure đ
â cafe near charles house, 9am, on the dot.
â max verstappen has posted a new story!
[caption: nice cafe đ]
story responses:
charles_leclerc: hehehehe đ
user22: SO YOU AND YN WERE HANGING OUT??
user23: that twitter user wasnât lying??!?!??
user24: charles set you and yn up huh đź
danielricciardo: who goes to a cafe and gets tea?
maxverstappen1: yn does. and then i felt awkward ordering something else.
danielricciardo: itâs been years and she still makes you nervous?? đ¤Ł
maxverstappen1: shut it
landonorris: iâm surprised you didnât run away in fear when you say her instead of charles
maxverstappen1: so does everyone just know about charles plan or what?
landonorris: pretty much yeah!
liked by charles_leclerc, maxverstappen1, landonorris, and 501,026 others!
yourusername: july and august photo dump đ
view comments below!
charles_leclerc: my wedding is in a week, why are you posting on instagram and not freaking out?
yourusername: i can multitask
charles_leclerc: maybe you having a bf was a bad idea, you are too distracted đ
yourusername; lalalala canât hear you
user23: boyfriend you say? đ
user24: 2 months and shes been seen "hanging out" with max more then 10 times, AND she justs posted jimmy or sassy (i cant tell the difference) what are you tryna say yn?
user25: man i canât believe charles actually got yn a boyfriend
user26: and itâs MAX. like his max.
user27: how do yall even know theyre dating?
user25: context clues babes
user28: this is the closest weâll get to yn and max making it âofficialâ
user29: i feel like if they go to the wedding together, thatâll be them making it âofficialâ
user30: oh definitely
maxverstappen1: puzzles are hard
yourusername: theyâre easy when you focus on
maxverstappen1: how can i focus when i when i have a gorgeous woman should as yourself near me?
landonorris: that was smooth man đ
maxverstappen1: thank you, iâve been practicing
user31: and people are still saying they arenât together??
user32: people want them to post a story wirh the caption âthis is us making it officialâ đ like babes this is the best weâre going to get
user33: i canât believe the wedding of the century is in ONE WEEK??
user34: it feels like just yesterday when charles accidentally told the whole world he was engaged
liked by charles_leclerc, yourisistersuser, and 1,026,027 others!
yourusername: today, my sister married an idiot
view comments below!
user35: that wedding was so fucking gorgeous
user36: charles and yn planned the whole thing?? fuck f1 we need them as party planners
yourusername: planning this wedding was the most stressful thing in my fucking life. i never want to plan anything ever again
user37: well the wedding was beautiful so, worth it?
user38: i was expecting a much more emotional caption
user39: she got all her emotions out during her speech đ
user40: OMG HER SPEECH WAS THE CUTEST THING. âcharles you have changed mine and my sisters life for the better. you have introduced me to someone who makes me feel like iâm on cloud 9.â THE CAMERA PANS TO MAX??? âi know we joke and what not, but⌠i donât know, justâŚthank you for making me feel like family.â TEARS ARE STREAMING DOWN MY FACE âi love you both so much,â I CRIED, CHARLES CRIED, EVERYONE CRIED
user41: we will never get that amount of emotion from yn ever again
user42: i will enjoy it while it last
yoursistersuser: i did indeed marry an idiot.
yourusername: itâs okay tho! we still like him
charles_leclerc: awwwww đĽ°đĽ°
user43: charles just ignoring the idiot part
user44: itâs been a good day. yn and max made itt official, charles got married, and the wedding was gorgeous
user45: f1 twt has never been so peaceful
user46; RIGHT??? everyoneâs just celebrating the marriage
maxverstappen1: will we have a big wedding?
yourusername: absolutely not. unless charles plans it by himself, weâre getting married in a courthouse
charles_leclerc: are you serious? youâll let me plan your wedding?
yourusername: you proved yourself with this wedding so yes
charles_leclerc: AHHHHHH OMG OMG OMG I HAVE TO GET STARTED
user47: first it started with him trying to get her a bf, now heâs planning her wedding
user48: i feel like a proud mom watching her kids grow up đ˘
. . .
notes; pls pls pls send me blurb or smau request!! i have 2 weeks left of vacation and i must make the most of it
#max verstappen x reader#max verstappen imagine#max verstappen x y/n#max verstappen blurb#max verstappen fanfic#max verstappen fluff#max verstappen x you#max verstappen smau#max verstappen fic#max verstappen social media au#f1 x female reader#f1 x y/n#f1 x reader#f1 fanfic#f1 imagine#f1 fic#f1 x you#f1 social media au#f1 smau
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Be Patient | Azriel x Reader
summary: After the mating bond snaps, Azriel follows you to the Day Court, where he spends seven days patiently longing after you.
warnings: fluff, mild angst bc of Az pining and lowkey being a menace in day court and reader being a little dense, also this is really long, 11K, my longest one shot ever...
note: This is a part two to Be Safe but can be read as a stand alone too. Huge shoutout to @stormhearty , @daycourtofficial & @thecrowesnest13 & the sweet overexcited anon who helped me with this! This is set pre-ACOTAR events and I realized my mistake in naming Helion as High Lord because I think he became High Lord UTM? so for this fic's sake, let's just assume he was already High Lord..
Mate.Â
The realization crashes over Azriel like a tidal wave. Itâs almost suffocating. Mine, the bond in his chest roars. Protect. The emotions swell, fueled by his shadows whispering and urging him on to go and keep you safe. Because who better to do so than him?
Before he knows it, heâs following you into Day Court, his shadows swallowing his form until Morâs and Cassianâs laughter are distant echoes.
Piercing violet eyes greet him as soon as he steps out from his shadows, blocking his view. Itâs almost as if he had been expecting Azriel. Talons rake across the shields of his mind and Azriel reluctantly lets him in. Go back, Rhysand asserts, holding the shadowsingerâs gaze.
I canât, he nearly growls in his mind.Â
The thought of leaving you, not being by your side is insufferable. Itâs this very thought that has some of his shadows dancing toward you, the shadow curled around his ear whispering to him about your whereabouts. You stand, a couple of feet away, speaking with Helion. Youâre completely oblivious to the two Illyrian males glaring at one another.
What do you mean you canât? Rhysand doesnât even attempt to hide the irritation in his tone.
Azriel then shows Rhysand what happened just moments ago. The mating bond snapping into place right as you were winnowing away. He leaves out the part where Cassian and Mor had been teasing him but he suspects Rhysand was aware of that.
Rhysand lets out a sigh, running a hand down the length of his face. What appears to be exhaustion tears through his features before he leans in toward the taller male. âReally?â He whispers in an exasperated hush. âRight now?
Azriel falters with a huff, his head following the direction his shadows had gone. Itâs only when his gaze lands on you that it softens. âYou say it like I had a choice.âÂ
But boy is he glad it is you.
âFine,â Rhysand sighs after a long moment of silence. He knows he canât do anything about it, the determination in the Shadowsingerâs eyes burning bright. Heâd fear going against the Cauldron if he did. âYou can stay. Butââ he lifts a jewel adorned finger in warningââyou distract herââ
Azrielâs head turns back to Rhysand and thereâs a frown on his face. âI donât distract her.â
âPlease,â Rhysand chuckles in disbelief. âListen, Iâm happy for you. Truly. But we didnât come all this way for nothing and I need her to be able to focus. She canât even think properly around you and if she finds out youâre herââ
âShe thinks about me?â
Rhysand shuts his mouth with a withering stare.
Azrielâs shadows are then whispering madly, coercing him to turn his attention back to you. Youâre giggling and smiling at Helion, cheeks flushed with a blush. Azriel flushes too but for an entirely different reason. Helion has your hand in his, amber eyes holding you captive, as heâs slowly lifting it up to his lips.Â
Shadows are coiling softly around your wrist and before Helion can kiss your hand, your hand is being pulled away from his. Helionâs brows furrow, hand falling to his side as one lone shadow floats in front of him. He is not fluent in shadows but the way it writhes at him gives one clear message. Â
âOh, hi!â
Azriel watches, taking note of the small fond smile that forms on your face as you recognize the dark tendrils wrapped around your arm. Your eyes find him almost immediately and then youâre walking toward him.  Â
âAzriel, what are you doing here?â
âShadowsinger,â Helion purrs in greeting, a pleased smirk on his face that grows at Azrielâs indifferent nod. âI was not aware you were coming too.â
Rhysand places a hand on Azrielâs shoulder, his fingers digging into the soft, black leather. Donât say anything. Rhysand warns in his mind. Weâll talk somewhere else.
Rhysand forces a charming smile onto his face and Helionâs eyes flicker with interest. âI apologize for the short notice but Azriel is here to⌠escort y/n.â
âEscort?â
Both you and Helion say in unison. Though Helionâs tone carries mirth, yours carries shock. Confusion clouds your features, worry flickering in your wide eyes. Rhysand mustâve eased your mind, for Azriel feels the tension leave your muscles shortly afterwards. Still, you inch closer to him, as if seeking the comfort of his presence. He instinctively mirrors your movement, the blue siphons on his leathers brushing against your arm and gleaming in response.
 âYou offend me, Rhys. Iâve welcomed you to my court with no ill intention.â Helion chides, though his voice is light with humor.
ây/n here is just very precious to us,â Rhysand says, choosing his words carefully. âI hope you can understand.â
Azrielâs shadows whisper the details of the scene around him, noting the apologetic look Rhysand sends to Helion. The High Lord of Day chuckles, but Azrielâs focus remains steadfastly on you. You turn to him with a questioning smile and he returns your smile, the warmth in his hazel eyes answering your unspoken question.
âI can see why,â comes Helionâs response, gaze lingering on you with an appreciative gleam.
Azrielâs head whips fast toward the High Lord of the Day Court and another sigh escapes Rhysand.
**
âSeven days. Thatâs all I ask.â
âThatâs seven days too long, Rhys.â
Rhysand falters back, appalled by those words. He lets out a small laugh. âToo long? Seven days is too long but a whole century wasnât?â
âIt hasnât been a century,â Azriel hisses and Rhysand raises his brows. âItâs been eighty nine years. Besides, itâs different now.â
Youâre his mate now. Â
The mating bond had snapped into place with such force that he was still reeling from its impact. It was as if every emotion of his was amplified, sending a startling quiver through those golden threads in his chest. Jealousy jerked the most. Itâs why every few seconds, his gaze flickered towards the hall you had disappeared into with the High Lord known for his scandalous appetites. One of his shadows had stayed with you and though he knew it would come back if Helion tried anything, it did nothing to ease him. He should be beside you right now. Not beside Rhysand, who seemed keen on keeping you from him.
âYou saw the way she looked at you when you arrived.â
Azriel turned back to Rhysand, that image of you reappearing in his mind from Rhysandâs perspective. Surprise had flickered across your features, but like a passing storm cloud, it swiftly gave way to brightness. Your eyes sparkled, your lips curved into a fond smile. Without hesitation, you left Helion's side, drawn instinctively toward Azriel. It was as if nothing else mattered but him, as if there was no one else in the world but you two.
The bond in his chest sings in delight because overriding all other emotions swirling madly around, there is love.
Azriel had loved you long before the bondâs sudden manifestation. His feelings had grown silently over the years, nurtured through shared moments and unspoken gestures. He knew he had to confess his feelings to youâsomething that had been eating at him for years. Eighty nine years to be exact, as he pointed out just a moment ago.
But fear always held him back.
Fear that he had mistaken your kindness for something more. Fear that he would ruin the decades of friendship you two had built. Fear that you loved him but not enough to see past his scars.
He realizes now how ridiculous those fears sound.
The kindness you harbored for him was not the same kindness you showed others. Your friendship was strong and precious, something he would fiercely protect no matter what. Your hand always sought his, never showing disgust towards the marred roughness of his own. You had even dedicated so much of your time to researching Prythianâs herbs and treatment for burns, working with Madja to make a special concoctionâa soothing balm to alleviate the inevitable pains.Â
By the Mother, he was a fool and it took the bond snapping into place to realize it.
âYes. You both are.â
Now, the golden threads in his chest urged him to confess, to bridge that small lingering distance between youâ
âBut you canât. Not now.â
âGet out of my head,â Azriel snaps, glaring at his brother.
âWell, I canât help it if youâre thinking so loudly,â Rhysand replies, a touch defensively. âLook, y/n has been looking forward to this trip so much. If you tell her about the bond, it will consume her every thought and cloud that brilliant mind of hers. I know this is selfish of me but I need her to be focused and you to be patient.â
Azrielâs glare wavers. He knows how much this trip means to you. It was the first time Rhysand was entrusting a task upon you outside of the Night Courtâs borders. Getting to see the magnificent library of the Day Court was also all your bibliophile heart could talk about. His desire to protect you and respect your focus battled fiercely with his yearning to tell you about the bond.
âSeven days?â
âSeven days,â Rhysand confirms, the tension easing from his face. âThen, sheâs all yours. Just be patient.â
Azriel scoffs. âIâll be so patient.â
But as they both join you and Helion for dinner, something tells Rhysand that this is going to be a long week.
**
Helion had hosted an extravagant feast for you all last night, even bringing out his finest, aged whiskey to celebrate. He had toasted it to Azriel, the surprise guest, with a cheeky wink. When his flirtatious efforts went ignored, Helion had turned his affections toward you. A notion that left Azriel seething and Rhysand on guard.
After dinner, Helion had given you a brief tour of the palace and introduced you to the fae you encountered along the way. To Azrielâs relief, the room heâd be staying in was right across from yours. His shadows had eagerly scouted the halls and both your rooms, becoming attuned to every creak and sound as an extra measure of safety. They fell asleep before he did and were the ones to wake him up when they heard you shuffling around your room.
As Azriel laces his leathers, the dark tendrils rush toward his door, peeking out underneath. It seems they are just as eager as he is to see you.
âGood morning!â You chirp happily, practically buzzing with excitement as you greet him at his door. âDid you sleep well?â
âYes.â A lie. Your joy is so contagious itâs easy to mask his exhaustion, his smile matching yours. âDid you?âÂ
He had, in fact, not slept well.
How could he when his anxiety began to gnaw at him? Because what if you grew tired of waiting for him within these seven days and gave into Helionâs charm? Each time he closed his eyes, his mind flashed with images of you reciprocating Helionâs advances, and sneaking off into his chambers in the middle of the night...
You give a noncommittal hum in response, pulling him out of his inner turmoil and bring him back to you.
 âIâm really glad youâre here, Az.â
Azrielâs shadows mirror your enthusiasm. A faint blush takes over his cheeks as you grasp his hand to tug him along with you. âRhys has private business to attend to with Helion and I did not want to do this alone,â you say, waving your bucket list in the air with your free hand.
Of course, you had a list of things youâd like to do in Day. It instilled another fear into Azriel because what if you fell in love with Day and refused to go back to Night? He eyes all the bullet points on that list of yours and refuses to let himself make that fear come true.
Anything you loved here, he would make sure to remind you that the Night Court could do better.
âAnd who better to spend the day with than my loyal shadowsinger, right?â You remark with a playful glint in your eye.
âRight,â Azriel replies and thereâs a brightness in his heart at your words. My loyal shadowsinger. His shadows dance in agreement.
But there is one thing the Night Court canât replicate, a truth he reluctantly acknowledges as you both step outside into the warmth of the sun.Â
A radiant smile breaks out on your face as you bask in the bright sunlight. Its golden glow kisses your skin, highlighting every feature he adores.
His leathers are not meant for this type of weather. He can feel himself growing hot, his shadows already endlessly working to keep him cool. Though you were dressed in something lighter than him, a pale blue dress, some of them flit toward you to do the same.
Azriel allows you to pull him along, savoring the feel of your hand in his. The cobblestone streets of the Day Courtâs market are narrow, flanked by vibrant stalls and lively vendors. He tucks his wings tightly against his back to avoid brushing against the bustling crowd. His grip on your hand is firm. He tells himself itâs to ensure he doesnât lose you amidst the sea of fae, but deep down, he has no intention of ever letting go.
Your first stop is a quaint little shop that, according to your research, sells the best espresso in Prythian. Azriel prefers his coffee black but you convince him to try Dayâs specialty, a honey lavender latte.Â
You watch him, awaiting his response.
âI hate it,â he tells you, though itâs surprisingly good. Really good. âVelaris has better coffee.â
You take your drink back with a shrug as you head to your next stop. The flower market. As you stroll through the market stalls, you point out a cluster of flowers, your voice tinged with excitement as you describe their origins and meanings. Youâre like a living encyclopedia and Azriel has always admired this about you. He asks you more questions, even if he already has the answers. Just so that he can see the light in your eyes dance with every word you speak.
A beautiful pink blossom catches his eyes as heâs read about it before, already familiar with its meaning. An idea sparks into his mind. Maybe, if he starts dropping hints, itâd make his impending confession go smoother. He tugs on your hand gently. âAnd this one?â
âItâs a pink camelia. A symbol of love, adoration and longing.â
He tosses a coin to the merchant and then picks the prettiest pink camelia among the bunch. He tucks it behind your ear, his fingers lingering on your cheek. The shadows that cling to him, hiding from the sun, peek out from above his shoulders, stirring in anticipation as you look up at Azriel and smile.
ây/n, Iââ
His words hang in the air, the tendrils too distracted by you to notice the merchant approaching. Suddenly, a hand appears between you both, golden bracelets dangling before your eyes. âA pretty bracelet for the pretty lady?â the fae male asks. âTheyâre one of a kind!â
Your eyes widen as you take in the shimmering jewelry. âHow much?â
âTen coins,â the merchant replies, but as his eyes roam over you, he adds, âBut for you, five.â
âOkay,â you agree, not having the heart to say no.
You reach for one of the gold bracelets, its chain holding a gleaming sun made of amber in the center. Before you can even open your coin purse, Azriel shoves ten coins into the merchantâs awaiting hand, his glare sending the man skittering away.
âThank you,â you say to Azriel, struggling to clasp the bracelet around your wrist. Azriel gestures for you to let him help, and you do, watching the subtle furrow of his brow as he fastens the hook. âBut why did you give him ten coins? He said fiveâŚâ
âI didnât,â Azriel lies smoothly for the second time this morning, and when your eyes narrow in suspicion, he simply smiles and tilts his head toward the right. âShouldnât we be heading to the art gallery if we want to make it to the water fountain show in time?â
That gets you going.
Your hold on his hand tightens as you lead the way to the art gallery. There, youâre captivated by the various amounts of artwork from Day, one of them being a very detailed and very naked sculpture of Helion. Azriel canât help but remind you of the beauty of the Rainbow of Velaris, tugging you along, using the water fountain show as an excuse to get you to leave quicker.Â
Afterwards, you visit a bookstore and many other stores, discovering that the bracelet on your wrist was not one-of-a-kind. They are available in various stores, each offering different variations. Instead of feeling disappointed, you find one specially for Azriel. Its chain is silver, adorned with a glimmering moon made from moonstone, a perfect complement to your amber sun.
By the time you both return to the palace, the sky is painted with hues of twilight, signaling itâs almost dinner time.Â
âThank you for helping me carry all my stuff,â you say with a sheepish grin, glancing at the bags scattered on your floor, most of them filled with gifts for the rest of the inner circle members since they couldnât come along.
âOf course,â Azriel replies with a soft smile, his eyes warm. He had refused to let you lift a finger.
Standing on your tip-toes, you aim to kiss his cheek but underestimate the height difference, your lips landing on his jaw instead. The touch has the same effect. Azriel blushes, his wings twitching slightly, and his shadows snicker behind him. He hopes you can't hear them.
âAre you sureââ he clears his throat ââare you sure you donât need help packing them up too?â
Your eyes light up and then youâre pulling him into your room. Unfortunately, no more kisses came from that. However, the shared smiles and easy conversation made it all worth it.
Be patient, he reminds himself. But he can't help but think of the golden threads unraveling in his chest, giving them an experimental tug. Thereâs no response, yet he hopes that yours will entwine with his any day now, binding you together forever.
**
As the golden, morning light of the Day Court bathes the grand hall, Azriel waits for you to enter the place where you'd have breakfast together. When he hears your approaching footsteps, he turns.
Suddenly, he finds himself unable to think. Unable to breathe, even. Â
 You were beautiful. He was well aware of this, always has been. But today, you were absolutely stunning, like a goddess descended from the heavens.Â
The dress you wore was different from your usual Night court dresses and though it screamed Day court fashion, Azriel couldnât bring himself to care. The delicate ivory, flowing fabric draped elegantly over your body. His eyes trace every detail of the dress, from the plunging neckline to the high slits that reveal the soft and inviting skin of your legs. Thereâs a tightness in his throat when he catches a glimpse of the gold garter adorning your thigh.
âGood morning,â you greet him with a smile, a hint of shyness in your eyes despite the boldness of the dress.
"Morning," he barely manages to say.
âGood morning indeed,â Helion purrs as he appears behind you, Rhysand at his side.
Azriel, captivated by your beauty, barely registered the expression on Helion's face. Meanwhile, his shadows moved with a protective instinct, delicately brushing against your legs as if to shield you from Helion's lingering gaze.Â
As you approach him, Azriel's heart continues to hammer against his chest. He musters up a smile. Though small, itâs full of admiration and awe.Â
Helion chuckles. âMy oh my, Rhysand. I did not know your Shadowsinger was capable of smiling.â
Rhysand lets out an amused exhale. His tone is light but it carries a subtle warning. âHeâs capable of many things, including patience.â
A muscle feathers in Azrielâs jaw as he falls into step with you. He doesnât notice the small frown that takes over your features. âAre you okay?â
âIâm fine,â he says, voice sweet despite the slightly sour expression on his face.
You shake your head in protest. âYou look all hot and bothered.â
Azriel chokes on his spit. âExcuse me?â
âYouâre already sweating,â you explain to him, reaching up with your free hand to brush his dark curls away from his forehead. His wings flutter in response to the surprise touch. âAnd itâs barely morning. Come on, youâre not wearing those leathers today. Iâm sure Helion left some clothes for you too.â
Azriel heats up at the mention of Helionâs name, his mind briefly flickering to the thought of the High Lord leaving such a dress for you. He doesnât have much time to dwell on it further as you tug him back toward the room heâs staying in, mumbling about how Azriel has a death wish for wearing such thick clothing in the Day Court.
But itâs the High Lord of the Day Court who has a death wish, Azriel thinks.
âWe wonât be long!â You call over your shoulder to Rhysand and Helion, who both give a dismissive wave.
Helion shakes his head in amusement. âAre they always like this?â
Rhysand lets out a snort. âUnfortunately.â
âCome. Let us have a drink. I believe weâre in very much need of one.â
âThis early in the morning?â
âMy friend, have you not had orange juice and champagne? Such a lovely, delightful combination. I call it a mimosaâŚâ
**
Back in Azriel's room, you rummage through the clothes Helion had left for him. His eyes soften as you continue to fuss over him. Though he complains about it, he secretly loves when you fuss over him. He has to peel his gaze away from you when you bend down to pick up a top, his thoughts threatening to drift elsewhere if he doesn't.
Hot. Bothered. His shadows repeat your words from earlier to him and he eyes them with a glare.
Despite Helionâs wish for Azriel to wear a toga like he proudly does, Azriel is relieved at what you picked out for him. Heâs also touched that you know him well enough to pick something close to his taste. âHere,â you say, holding up a pair of loose fitting dark trousers and a sheen, flowy white top with a deep v neck similar to the one of your dress. âThis will be perfect for today.â
âFine,â Azriel murmurs, reluctantly taking the garments from you. Your fingers brush against his, sending a spark through him.
âI trust you can dress yourself from here,â you tease, giving him a playful pat on his shoulder.
Azriel lets out a scoff, resisting the urge to reply with a roguish remark. He quickly changes into the clothes you picked out for him, not wanting to cut into your breakfast time any more than necessary. Today is a busy day for you, as you will spend most of it in the library, researching all about the death gods for an assignment Rhysand gave you.
When he steps out of the room, your eyes light up as they look over his body. His muscles flex instinctively when your gaze lingers on the tattoos swirling on his chest. You blink, and with a smile say, âRadiant.â
Azriel feels the blood rush to his neck. Heâs received many compliments before but never something as bright as âradiant.â He suddenly yearns to hear moreâonly if they come from your pretty lips.
âY/n, have I ever told you how much Iââ Your eyebrows raise in curiosity, and he loses his resolve, Rhysandâs warning echoing in his head. ââappreciate youâŚâ
Those were not the words Azriel had intended, and he lets out a defeated breath. Yet, your smile does not falter. Instead, you hook your arm through his, beaming up at him as you guide him through the halls.
âI believe you have but please, enlighten me againâŚâ
**
Helionâs gaze fixes on you and Azriel as you finally joined them for breakfast. Dressed in resplendent Day Court fashion, the two of you look ravishing, and Helion cannot decide who is more captivatingâyou or the stoic shadowsinger at your side.Â
His affections have always met a brick wall with the Illyrian male. So naturally, when another pretty face shows up at his court, he focuses all his attention on you. He savors your sweet reactions and Azrielâs jealous ones, sensing more between you two. Heâs determined to unravel it.
After breakfast, Helion sidles up beside you, flashing a charming smile. âAllow me to admire you more closely, Lady Y/n,â he says, his voice smooth and rich as he extends his hand.
Azrielâs jaw clenches, his shadows swirling restlessly when you take Helionâs hand. Helionâs smile widens, and then he gestures for you to spin. âShall I compare thee to a summerâs day? Thou art more lovely and more temperate.â
You gasp, eyes widening in delight and cheeks tinting with a delicate blush. âYou know Shakespeare?â
âKnow it? I live it.â Helion responds. âI have his original copies in my personal library. You can come take a look, if youâd like. Just give me a day toâŚorganize things.â
Azrielâs eyes narrow, not liking the intonation in the High Lordâs voice. Helion can feel that primal instinctâthe possessiveness Azriel feels for youâsimmering beneath the surface. His eyes widen slightly in acknowledgement and then heâs turning to Rhysand.
"Helion,â Rhysand drawls, confirming his suspicions. âAs y/nâs escort, you're making Azriel's shadows rather restless.â
Helion laughs, a rich, melodious sound that fills the room. "I can't help it if your historian is so captivating, Rhysand," he says, winking at you and delighting in the response it shakes from Azriel.
**
Azriel falls into step behind you as Helion guides you all toward the magnificent library of the Day Court. Sunlight streams through towering windows, casting rainbows across the marble floors. You had praised it as the biggest and most beautiful library in all of Prythian. As Azriel stands in front of the entrance, he reluctantly acknowledges that none of the libraries in the Night Court could come close if this is just how the entrance looks.
As Azriel moves to step inside with you, Rhysand stops him.
"What are you doing?" Azriel huffs, peering over Rhysand's shoulder to catch a glimpse of the awed expression on your face as Helion talks to you. "I'm Y/n's escort, remember?"
âThereâs no need for one in the library. Youâll only be a distraction here.â Rhysand replies and sensing his apprehension, he adds. âSheâll be safe here. I promise.â
âButââ
âNo,â Rhysand interrupts and Azrielâs gaze hardens. A playful glint dances in Rhysandâs violet eyes. âGo take a walk, a cold shower or perhaps, read up on some poetry.â
 With that, Rhysand enters the library, motioning for the guards to shut the door. As the door closes, a single dark tendril manages to slide through.Â
I donât resort to poetry, Azriel thinks bitterly and he swears he hears Rhysandâs chuckle in his mind.
**
That night, during dinner, Helion took all your attention as the two of you quoted and mused over poetry, Rhysand chiming in occasionally. Azriel remained silent, a muscle ticking at his jaw.
The following morning, Azriel didnât get a chance to speak to you much either. You and Rhysand were deep in discussion, strategizing how to tackle the vast array of books about the old gods. Azriel hadnât even finished his coffee when you abruptly stood from your seat, mouth still full of food, and hurried off towards the library. The golden threads buried deep in his chest stirred with your passion.
So while you spent your day in the library, engrossed in your research, Azriel decided to spend his day doing his own research. He had his shadows sneak into your room and retrieve one of the poetry books he is certain you bought with you. You read one every night before bed.
Azriel reads some of the poems, engraving the words into his memory, just in case. He ends up falling asleep in his room, the lack of sleep finally catching up to him. His shadows stir him awake, hours later, pointing to the clock hanging across from him. Itâs almost dinner time so Azriel freshens up and then makes his way toward the library.Â
âHey, you,â you greet Azriel happily, two of his shadows trailing behind you, as you step out of the library. The second one had joined you this morning as the first one had been feeling lonely. âI think they like me better than you.â
âKeep them,â Azriel shrugs. When you're not looking, he gives them a knowing nod, though his voice feigns annoyance. âTraitors.â
âWhat did you do today?â You ask, falling into step beside him as you two walk toward the dining hall. âAnything interesting?â
âI learned something.â
âYeah?â
Azriel turns to you, his expression serious as he clears his throat. "She walks in beauty, like the night. Of cloudless climes and starry skies; and all thatâs best of dark and bright... uh, meet in her somethingâŚeyesâŚ?"
You blink at him, confusion furrowing your brow. "Something eyes?"
Before Azriel can explain, Helion chimes in, that cheeky grin plastered on his face. "It's 'Meet in her aspect and her eyes,â" he corrects smoothly, his eyes twinkling with amusement, as he beckons for you to take your seats.
Azriel shoots a glare at Helion and Rhysand kicks him under the table in warning. Helion chuckles, unfazed by the death stare coming from Azriel as he continues.Â
âShe walks in beauty, like the night. Of Cloudless climes and starry skies; And all thatâs best of dark and bright, meet in her aspect and her eyes; Thus mellowed to that tender light, which heaven to gaudy day denies.â
âOh, Lord Byron!â you say in recognition, turning to Azriel with a look that soothes his embarrassment. âShe Walks in Beauty. What a lovely poem. Did you know it was one of my favorites?â
âI didnât,â Azriel replies casually, though inwardly his heart races and his shadows race to cover the blush delicately tinting his neck. Of course he knew it was your favorite. You had scribbled hearts all over the page in your book. âI just liked it and thought Iâd share it with you.â
Your smile widens, touched by his gesture. âI thought you didnât fancy poetry, Az.â
âI thought the same,â Rhysand says, eyes narrowing at Azriel.
"I'm full of surprises," Azriel says dryly, meeting Rhysand's gaze evenly.
âWell, letâs hope itâs the last of your surprises.â
âI believe I also have some of Lord Byronâs works. How about I finally show you my personal library after dinner?â Helion speaks, directing all attention back to him.
Azriel opens his mouth to protest, not liking the inviting gaze in the High Lordâs eyes, but Helion interjects smoothly. âNo worries, escort, â Helion says, his grin widening. âIâll take good care of y/n.â
Azriel sulks, a bitter taste in his mouth from Helionâs effortless charm throughout dinner. He tries his best to keep you from leaving, insisting you try every single dessert laid out on the table. Barely halfway through, you slump back in your chair, claiming you canât eat another bite without bursting.
His ears perk up and he sends a small prayer to the Mother that your full stomach dissuades you from visiting Helionâs personal library, his own stomach not being able to handle the thought. Tonight, it seems The Mother does not favor him. When Helion offers you his arm, you take it excitedly, oblivious to the sulking Shadowsinger you left behind.Â
Rhysand laughs, finding amusement in the entire situation, while Azriel shoots him a cold stare. If Rhysand hadnât ordered Azriel to keep the truth of the bond from you until after your trip here, you wouldn't be alone with Helion now.Â
Yet, Azriel can't help but bitterly reflect that if he had only been upfront about his feelings from the start, he wouldnât be tormented by such longing now, the bond in his chest roaring at the thought of you with another male.
âI think y/n is more than capable of handling a flirtatious High Lord.â
Azrielâs lips twitch into a brief, reluctant smile. âShe is. But that doesnât mean I have to like it.â
âCheer up, Az,â Rhysand teases, lifting his glass in a mock-toast to his friend. âThereâs always more poetry to practice. Or perhaps, you should stick to brooding. Youâre much better at that.â
âPass the whiskey,â Azriel replies tersely, his lips pressing into a tight line.
âPatience is a virtue, Az.â
âSo is silence.â
**
Youâre swooning, over the moon, after exploring Helionâs personal library. He showed you his special editions of Lord Byronâs and Shakespeareâs works, allowing you to take one back to your room with you to read. You clutch the book to your chest, humming softly to yourself.
When you reach the hallway, you linger there for a moment, sparing a glance toward Azrielâs room. The night is still young and youâre surprised to see no light seeping through the door. Has he gone to bed already? Worry knits your brows as you wonder if heâs okay. He has been acting strange since he arrived. He had quoted poetry at you for Cauldronâs sake!
You walk toward his door and knock. Thereâs no answer so you knock again. âAz?â
You frown when youâre met with silence and your hands itch to open the door but you hesitate. He could either be asleep, out flying or out training. He had been eyeing the training grounds of Day during Helionâs tour.
With a sigh, you step into your room and decide to get ready for bed, making a mental note to check up on him in the morning. The day had been long and filled with unexpected twists and tomorrow would only bring another long day. Your eyes were tired from reading so much fine print.
As you're fluffing your pillows, you hear the sound of heavy, booted footsteps. Your mind wanders to Azriel but it canât be. His steps were always quiet, silenced by his shadows. Thereâs a pause in the steps and a brief moment of stillness.
Abruptly, your door swings open and you let out a small gasp.
You watch as Azriel stumbles in, your heart flying to your chest in relief. His usually graceful steps falter as if the weight of his massive wings is too much to bear. Shadows cling to his wrists, doing their best to keep their master steady.
A look of pleasant surprise softens his features when he spots you, his hazel eyes widening at the sight of you in your nightgown. He brings a hand up to his neck, rubbing it in an attempt to make the flush spreading across his cheeks go away.
âY/n,â he hiccups with a pleased grin. âYouâre here.â
âOf course I am,â you reply, stifling a laugh at his adorable state. âThis is my room.â
Azrielâs expression morphs, his eyebrows furrowing and a slight pout forming on his lips. âDidnât get to spend the day with you,â he mutters, his voice tinged with frustration as he sways slightly. âOr night⌠you spent it with Helion instead.â
You canât help but giggle. âAre you jealous, Az?â
Another hiccup. âMaybe.â
Your stomach flutters at the way he admits it so openly. The two of you have always had a playful, flirty dynamic. It had never gone beyond exchanged glances and lingering touches, though. Azriel never let it, and a part of you feared it was because he was too kind to reject you outright. Now, you begin to wonder if you had misinterpreted the situation all along.
âWell, itâs still night,â you tell him, âAnd youâre here with me now.â
âI am,â Azriel acknowledges with a hint of surprise, as if realizing it anew. âAnd I know poetry tooâŚâ
 He straightens up, attempting to appear serious again despite the slight slur in his words. "How do I love thee? Let me count the ways. I love thee to the depth and breadth and height... uh, something about sight, I think?â
Did he somehow know this was another of your favorites? It seems unlikely. In all the years you've known him, Azriel has never shown interest in poetry. Or at least up until two hours ago. You should check his forehead. What if he was coming down with something?
Instead, you clear your throat and help him out.
âHow do I love thee? Let me count the ways. I love thee to the depth and breadth and height. My soul can reach, when feeling out of sight. For the ends of being and ideal grace. I love theeââ your voice wavers at the look Azriel gives you, his hazel eyes shining with an emotion that threatens to weaken your knees. ââto the level of every dayâs. Most quiet need, by sun and candle lightâŚâ
âI love thee too,â Azriel breathes, holding your gaze and stepping closer to you. âFreelyâpurelyâŚno, freely as men strive for fight.â
âRight,â you correct with a laugh. âFreely as men strive for right.â
Azrielâs pout deepens, yet thereâs a hint of a smile on his lips. âDonât laugh at me,â he mumbles.
He continues to make his way toward you and you hold out your arms, worried heâll lose his battle with balance. He ends up slumping face-first onto your bed, his wings splaying out behind him. âCan I stay here? Just for a little bit. I missed you all day.â
âYeah,â you reply with a soft smile. You missed him too. âBut can you make room for me on my bed?â
âMmm,â Azriel hums, turning on his side. He pats at the space right in front of him, his shadows moving to rest behind him to give you space. âCome here, my pretty historian.â
You feel a rush of warmth course through you, momentarily flustered by the nickname. Looking at Azriel, you hesitate. It wouldnât be the first time you two shared a bed but itâd be the first time youâd share one in a bed not meant to accommodate for Illyrian wings.Â
Maybe, itâs best if you help him to his room. Your eyes look toward his shadows and you notice them slowly curling around his back as if going to sleep themselves. They would be no help and neither would Rhys as you were sure he was sharing his night with a pretty fae or two. And you would definitely not be able to carry Azriel back to his room on your own.
So when Azriel pats the bed again, you join him. He frowns when you donât nestle against him as he wished. Instead, you slip under the covers, resting on your side to face him fully. He adjusts to mirror your position, close enough that you feel his warm breath, noses and hands brushing against each other.
âYou smell good,â he says, eyes half-lidded. âMarry me?â
You smile, reaching out to brush a strand of hair from his face. âIs that all it takes to marry you? To smell good?â
Azrielâs eyes flutter close, a contented sigh escaping him. âIâd marry you, even if you didnât smell good,â he says, his words mumbled but filled with affection.
Your heart swells and you lean in to place a gentle kiss on his forehead, feeling exhaustion come over you when Azriel yawns.Â
âGoodnight, Az.â
âGoodnight, Y/n,â he murmurs, already drifting off to sleep, a peaceful smile on his face. âMy sweet, pretty maââ
A shadow, one of the ones that have taken a liking to you, crawls over you and rushes to Azriel, curling around his mouth to silence him. You are too tired to think about it, simply letting sleep claim you in each otherâs comforting presence.
**
Azriel wakes up with a soft groan, still enveloped by your scent. His shadows stir as he does and he hesitates opening his eyes, not ready to face the aftermath of his drunken state. The impending headache is already breaking the surface. When he opens his eyes, he finds you missing. His worry is eased when one of his shadows brings a small piece of paper to him.
He shifts, moving into a sitting position. One hand rubs at his head while the other takes the note you left for him.Â
To my star breaking poet, you looked too peaceful to wake. I left some water, tea and bread on the nightstand. Enjoy.
-your pretty historian
His lips tug up into a smile. He turns his head, finding the drinks and food you left for him. He doesnât dare touch them though, despite the bond in his chest yearning for him to. He then searches for the clock in your room and his eyes widen. Itâs past noon. Azriel has never slept this late or felt so rested, especially after a night of heavy drinking.Â
Taking a deep breath, he allows himself to fall back onto the bed, running his hands through his hair and pulling on it. He lingers there a moment longer before finally rising and heading to his room to bathe and get ready for the day. Knowing you'll be in the library all day, he wonders what to do with himself, having given up on poetry after his unsuccessful attempts.
**
Azriel makes himself busy by wandering the palace, feeling a bit uneasy walking so freely in the open. Heâs so accustomed to blending into the shadows that this exposure feels unnatural. His shadows cling to him, hiding beneath his cloak, equally uncomfortable with the brightness. The day is cooler, so heâs donned his leathers, a small part of him hoping you'll fuss over him again when you see him.
He visits the markets, but they seem less vibrant without you by his side. He then goes to the training grounds of Day, catching up with his missed training and releasing his pent up frustrations with a training dummy. Upon returning to the palace and washing up, he heads towards the library. Though he canât enter, he knows there are small tables and padded chairs just outside. He found you there during one of your breaks yesterday, so he sits at one of the tables, hoping you'll come again.
A newspaper rests on the table before him, so he picks it up to pass the time. After reading through it twice, he moves to a different table with a chess set, his shadows engaging him in a game. After losing to them three times, he leans back with a sigh. He really shouldâve brought some of his unfinished reports to work on.
Overcome with the bond, he had followed you without hesitation, not anticipating that Rhysand would keep him from telling you about it. He didn't have a plan, so while he wasn't happy about it, at least it gave him time to come up with one. The minute youâd go back to Night, Azriel was set on visiting your favorite restaurant and making reservations. Heâd surprise you with a day full of your favorites, ending it with his confession, where he hoped you would accept him.Â
It was one thing to love him back. Another to accept him as your mate.
Before he knows it, the sun begins to set, his shadows buzzing with life as darkness takes over. You still havenât stepped out of the library. He wonders if you've eaten or had enough water. One of his shadows slips out from underneath the library doors and flutters back to him. It reports that the other shadow, still with you, helped you reach for books and turn pages. It had even wanted to brush your hair back when it fell loose from your tie but was met with an invisible force. High Lord, the shadow hissed and he realizes Rhysand knew him better than he thought. That unwanted chaperoneâŚ
When he learns you've skipped lunch, his worry deepens. He paces back and forth in front of the grand doors, his heart aching with the intensity of the bond. Every instinct within him urges him to protect and care for you. Unable to hold back any longer, he takes advantage of the darkening sky and slips into the library.
The shadow that had reported to him leads the way, darting ahead. His other shadows eagerly rush forward, reaching you before he does. They greet the lone shadow that had stayed by your side like long-lost friends reuniting.
Azrielâs heart calms when he finds you asleep, slumped over a desk and surrounded by a mountain of books. You're curled into yourself, goosebumps forming on the exposed skin of your arms. He gently removes his cloak from his leathers and drapes it over you.
You instinctively snuggle deeper into the cloak, half asleep. âSmells sâgood,â you murmur, and the bond in his chest tightens.
He gently removes your glasses, the ones you wear when doing prolonged near work, and places them carefully into one of his pockets. Thereâs a faint glimmer surrounding you and heâs relieved that whatever barrier Rhyand had placed upon you was weakening by the second. Almost like clockwork. He easily breaks through the magic shield, blue siphons gleaming. He brushes a strand of hair from your face, his shadows sighing in response.
His touch lingers on your face, thumb ghosting over your cheek. âItâs time for dinner.â
You let out a groan in protest, not wanting to move from your spot.
âYou need to eat, Y/n,â he whispers softly. âAnd then, you can go to bed.â
You blink sleepily at him. âWill you carry me?â
âOf course.â
As he lifts you into his arms, your warmth and the scent of your hair envelop him. The bond in his chest thrums with joy, his shadows harmonizing in response.
Three more days, he reminds himself. Three more days until he can finally speak of the feelings swelling in his heart. Be patientâŚ
**
After another day of researching death gods, your mind feels heavy with overwhelming knowledge. Exhausted, you keep to yourself during dinner. You can feel Azrielâs worry, can feel the way the shadows that linger in your presence caress the back of your neck in an attempt to ease you. Rhysand slips into your mind and after assuring him you were just tired and had a headache, he lets you excuse yourself. Helion, ever the caring and doting High Lord, sends you off to bed with a tea to soothe your headache.
Youâre quick to wash up and change into your nightgown, slipping under the warm covers with the tea Helion gave you in hand. It has a rich floral scent and as you take your first sip, it brings instant relief to the dull ache in your head. When youâre done, you place the empty cup onto your nightstand and lay down, closing your eyes.
You find yourself trapped in a dark, oppressive forest.Â
The trees are twisted and gnarled, their branches reaching out like skeletal hands. In the distance, you hear the sinister laugh of Koschei, the death god who you've learned loves to trap women. His voice is a chilling whisper, echoing through the trees, âYou cannot escape me.â
Suddenly, the scene shifts, and youâre back in the Court of Nightmares, having to suffer through another court affair. Your hair is pulled so tight into a bun and the corset of your dress barely gives any room to breathe properly. The oppressive atmosphere presses down on you, taking even more of your breath away. Youâre standing before your father, his eyes cold and unyielding.
âYou will marry Lord Berbrooke.â
âNo,â you whisper, eyes widening in fear as Lord Berbrooke appears at your fatherâs side. Your hands reach for your fatherâs arms, a desperate attempt to stay with him instead of leaving. Youâd much rather continue to endure a life of neglect and solitude than a life that promised violence and bruises.
âGrandfather wouldnât want this.â
Your father yanks his arm out of your grip, staring you down with a glare. âYour grandfather is dead. It does not matter what he wants.â
Fear grips you as Lord Berbrooke steps closer, a predatory smile on his face. You try to run, but your feet are rooted to the spot. He laughs, the sound chilling you to the bone. It morphs into the sinister laugh from earlier. Lord Berbrookeâs face flickers and shifts, morphing between his own and what your mind imagines of Koschei.
Panic surges through you, and you cry out for help, but your voice is swallowed by the darkness.
You wake up in a cold sweat, heart racing and breaths coming in ragged gasps. Goosebumps prick your skin as the sinister laugh echoes in your mind, refusing to fade. Panic grips you, and without a second thought, you throw off the covers and rush out of your room, desperate to escape the haunting sound that seems to follow you.
**
Something deep in his chest stirs, flooding him with unease. The bond. Something is wrong. Azrielâs head instinctively turns to his door, shadows sensing your presence in the hallway. Though small and quiet, he can hear your pacing and sense your hesitation as you face his door.
Azriel rushes to the door immediately and opens it. Concern etches on his face as he takes in your trembling form, the way your hands are covering your ears and eyes stricken with pure fear.
His hands reach for yours, gently removing them from your ears. Your eyes remain frantic, scanning over him, as if trying to discern if he is real or not. Without another word, Azriel pulls you into his arms, the familiar warmth and scent of him grounding you.
âItâs okay, Iâm here,â he murmurs. His hands rub soothing circles on your back, and you cling to him.
âI had a nightmare,â you whisper, pulling back slightly and looking up at him with tear-filled eyes. âAbout Koschei, and then I was back in the Court of Nightmares. My father⌠Lord BerbrookeâŚâ
Azrielâs eyes darken with anger and protectiveness. You donât need to say any more for him to understand. âYouâre safe now,â he says firmly. âI wonât let anything happen to you.â
His words and the strength of his embrace begin to calm the storm inside you. You bury your face in his chest, taking in the steady rhythm of his heartbeat. âCan I stay with you?â
âAlways.â Azriel answers and then heâs guiding you into his room.
He helps you to his bed, tucking you under the covers before carefully settling on the other side. You nestle closer into his chest, your head finding its place against his heart again. His chin rests atop your head and neither of you speak for a while.
âThank you,â you breathe, voice heavy with emotion.
Azriel knows your thankfulness extends beyond tonight. He had been the one to save you from that dreadful fate that night in the Court of Nightmares. He had been the one to bring to Rhysandâs attention of your grandfatherâs forged will, helping you search for the real one. And when Rhysand had moved you to Velaris, Azriel had been your first friend.
âDo you feel better or would you like me to make youââ
âI feel better,â you interrupt, not wanting him to leave, even if it's to make you another tea. âJust your presence is enough,â you confess quietly. âYou have a way of making me feel safe and at peace, Az.â
At those words, Azriel feels like he might burst with emotion. He tightens his hold on you, pressing a kiss to the top of your head. If only you knewâŚ
**
As you walk through the library of the Day Court, you take one last look around, letting your gaze sweep over the grand space. The high, arched windows allow streams of the setting sun to filter in, casting a warm glow on the polished marble floors. There are rows upon rows of polished wooden shelves and books of every size and color line them, their spines creating a mosaic of knowledge and history. The scent of parchment and old leather, is one youâll always hold dear.
Tonight is your last night here. A trail of shadows follows you, blending into the shafts of the light and shadows cast by the towering bookshelves. Rhysand, lounging in the entrance of the library, notices the once unusual sight that has now become routine..Â
âWhat are you, a Shadowsinger now?â he quips.
You glance back, catching a glimpse of Azrielâs shadows entwined with your own. Theyâve become increasingly protective of you lately, always trailing close, whether you're heading to the library or simply going about your day. What you hadnât noticed until now was how their numbers had grown since last night.
âIâve never seen his shadows act like that,â Rhysand comments.
âOh really?âÂ
Rhysand nods, a glint dancing in his eyes. He gives a small wave to one of the tendrils peeking over your shoulder, lips curving upwards when it cowers away. âThey usually stick to him, rarely leaving his side. It seems youâve captured their interest as youâve captured their masterâs.â
You feel a blush creeping up your cheeks at his implication. âI guess they like me,â you say, trying to sound nonchalant.
Rhysandâs grin turns knowing. âItâs more than that, Y/n. Azrielâs shadows are an extension of his will. Theyâre drawn to what he cares about most.â
Your heart skips a beat at his words. âI suppose I should thank them for showing me such care.â
Rhysand chuckles. âOr thank Azriel.â
**
Rhysandâs words linger with you throughout the evening, much like Azrielâs shadows. A spark of hope blooms in your chest, daring to blossom into something more. You knew Azriel cared for you, but caring for others was in his nature. Thatâs who he wasâcaring and protective.
You glance at the shadows caressing your arms, a pensive frown tugging at your lips. In all the years youâve known him, you had never seen his shadows linger on Rhysand or Cassian. Or Mor, who you were so sure held the Shadowsingerâs affections.Â
You recall the way his eyes softened when he looked at you, the rare smiles he reserved only for you, the protective glances he shot your way whenever danger was near. Your heart races as the pieces start to fit together, a mixture of shock and elation coursing through your veins. Dare you hope that the man you had loved in secret for so long might feel the same?
The idea seems almost too good to be true, and yetâŚhis shadows were here, with you, wrapped around your fingers. Quite literally.Â
You look down at the shadows twining with your fingers, a small, hopeful smile tugging at the corners of your lips. For the first time, you allow yourself to entertain the possibility.Â
With this newfound hope, you head toward the Day Courtâs kitchen.Â
After praising the chef one night, he invited you to his kitchen, offering to teach you how to prepare some of the Day Courtâs delicacies. Eager to express your gratitude to Azriel for always being there for you and to Helion for being a gracious host, you decide to finally take up on the chefâs offer. Perhaps, you can even sneak in some of Azrielâs favorites into tonightâs menu.
**
As it was the last night of your stay, Helion had invited close friends and other allies of his court, filling the grand dining hall with laughter and conversation. You quietly took your seat across from Rhysand and beside Azriel, murmuring a soft greeting. Helion winks at you and the shadow around your arm tenses.
The High Lord of Day stands from his seat, at the head of the table. He raises his glass with a broad grin. âA toast to the Night Court, our cherished guests. It has been an honor to host you all, and I sincerely hope we may have the pleasure of your return soon.â
Everyone at the table raises their glasses, including Azrielâthough only after a nudge from you. His expression remains flat and dry as he lifts his glass. You clink yours against his with a teasing glint in your eyes, coaxing a small smile from his lips.
Helion takes a seat and with a wave of his hand, tonightâs feast materializes in front of you. Thereâs a slight raise in Rhysandâs brow, betraying his mild surprise. Every single platterâfrom the appetizers to dessert seems to be a perfect blend of Day and Night delicacies with the names to match. Thereâs the bruschetta, the bread slices topped with sun-ripened tomatoes, fresh basil and a hint of night garlic. Then, thereâs the spinach artichoke dip made from sun-infused spinach, blended with moon-cheese and served with nightshade vegetables.
Rhysand looks up, turning to Helion. âCompliments to the chef.â
Helionâs eyes twinkle with delight as he meets your gaze. âAnd y/n,â he says. âShe collaborated with the chef to create tonightâs dinner.â
You smile, a touch of pride warming your cheeks as you look around the table. However, the smile quickly fades when you hear a sudden spluttering. Itâs Azriel. He spit his food out, his face a mask of horror and conflict.Â
âAzriel?â you ask in concern.
He stands abruptly, his chair scraping against the floor. âIâm not hungry,â he mutters, his voice suddenly tight.
Your face flushes and a nervous laugh escapes you. âRelax, itâs not poison,â you joke, trying to lighten the mood. But your attempt falls flat.Â
âIâm not hungry,â he repeats more forcefully, then turns and leaves the room, his movements stiff and tense.
Your eyes begin to sting with unshed tears, the hurt and confusion overwhelming you. You slump back into your chair. âI donât think Iâm hungry either,â you whisper, the words barely audible.
Rhysand nudges your foot from under the table. âDonât mind him,â he says softly, violet eyes filled with sympathy. âPlease, eat. Youâve worked so hard on this.â
You nod, trying to muster the strength to lift your fork, but the sting of Azrielâs rejection is too much. You push the food around your plate, your appetite completely gone. The evening that had started with such promise now feels like a distant memory, overshadowed by whatever tension has now befallen between you and Azriel.Â
In the corridor outside the dining hall, Azriel leans against the wall, his heart pounding. He knows heâs hurt you, but the thought of unintentionally accepting the bond is too much for him to bear. He takes a deep breath, trying to steady himself. The guilt gnaws at him, a constant reminder of the fragile line heâs been walking.
One more night, he reminds himself. One more night and then he can tell you everything.
He can only hope you donât already hate him for tonight.
**
Tossing and turning, you let out a long breath as you stare up at the ceiling. Your stomach grumbles, reminding you that you hadnât indulged in the dinner you had put so much effort into crafting. How could you, when the one person you made it for refused to have even a bite?Â
His reaction had been as clear as day. Repulsed.
Now, doubts flood your mind. What if you've completely misread everything? The shadows beside you, initially a source of comfort, were beginning to stir unsettling thoughts in you. Maybe Azriel sent them not because he cared so deeply for you but out of obligation and pity?
You're not a High Lord like Rhysand, nor a warrior like Cassian or Mor who fought in the war. Youâre just a noblewoman from the Court of Nightmares who fled from a forced marriage. How typical and utterly helpless. Thatâs what youâve been since you met Azriel. It shouldnât have shocked you that he followed you into Day Court.Â
Any hope that had blossomed in your heart now withers. You were a fool to even entertain the thought. Youâve known Azriel for almost a century and in those years, heâs never hinted at seeing you as anything more than a friend so why would it change now?
Throwing off the covers, you sit up abruptly, gaze flickering towards the door. The urge to confront him grips you fiercely. He did not have to return your feelings but he didnât have to hurt your feelings so harshly by spitting out your food. You had to settle whatever this was now, even if it left you broken-hearted.Â
Without bothering to change out of your nightwear, you leap from your bed. The shadows on your bed stir awake and your footsteps quicken, fearing his shadows would reach him before you could.
They beat you to it, even going as far as opening the door for you, allowing you to barge into his room. Youâre not surprised to see Azriel wide awake. His shadows mustâve warned him beforehand. He sits on his bed, already facing you and you hate the way your gaze falls to his bare chest. Your eyes trail up the intricate tattoos etched there, slowly making your way up.
The words catch in your throat. Youâre nervous. A foreign feeling around Azriel. It makes you want nothing more than to turn and run out the door. His shadows shut the door behind you as if sensing your thoughts.
You refuse to meet his eyes, fearing what youâd find in those hazel depths. âYou hate me donât you?â
The words tumble out unexpectedly, sending a chilling shiver through you. His gaze flickers downward, catching the way you nervously fidget with your fingers, before lifting with intent and searching for your eyes.Â
âWhat?â
The sound that leaves Azriel borders on what sounds like amusement, and you cringe, turning your head away. Tears prick your eyes, his shadows rushing to wipe them away gently, coaxing your gaze back to their master. When his eyes meet yours, all you see is concern.Â
A strange sensation creeps along your ribcage as he stands from the bed, stepping closer to you.
âI donât hate you.â Azriel states firmly and when his words donât soothe you as he expected they would, he frowns. His hands replace the shadows brushing against your face. âWhat makes you think that? Whatâs wrong?â
âI should be asking you that question,â you laugh humorlessly, casting your gaze down. âSomething has gotten into you. Youâve been acting so differently, and at first, I thoughtâwell, it doesnât matter what I thought as I seem to be wrong every timeââ
âIt does matter. Tell me.âÂ
Itâs now or never. Your throat tightens as you muster the courageâthe last bit you have, having used most of it to barge into his room.Â
âWeâve been walking a fine line, you and I. For decades. Almost a century... And now, I realize youâve simply been too kind to reject me. Iâm sorry if running to you after that nightmare was too much, but did you have to spit out my food? I wouldâve preferred if youâd just told me you didn't like me instead of showing me.â
âYouâre not making any sense right now.â Azriel says.
âNeither are you.â You shoot back.
âI donât hate you,â Azriel repeats, hurt flashing across his face at the thought of making you feel that way.
âYou spit out my food in front of everyone, Az.â
âIâm sorry.â
âWhy?â
You feel Azrielâs hand tense against your face. âI canât say.â
Your breath hitches, and you take a couple of steps back, removing his hands from you. âBecause you hate me.â
Azrielâs eyes shut tightly for a moment, his head turning toward the window. He feels the faint warmth of the rising sun and inhales deeply. Thereâs something burning bright in his eyes when he looks at you again.
âBecause you are my mate.â
Mate.
A vulnerable shakiness accompanies the word. The words hang in the air, heavy and shocking. The feeling teasing at your ribcage begins to crawl upwards. Your heart skips a beat as it meets your chest, awakening something deep inside you that you hadnât realized you had.
Mate.
âIâm your what?â You gasp, your heart pounding in your chest as the golden threads of fate begin to unravel.
âYou feel it now, donât you?â Azriel approaches slowly, his expression tense and cautious. âYouâre my mate. The bond snapped as you were winnowing away. Thatâs why I followed after you. I wanted to tell you, but Rhysand asked me not to. At least not until we were done here.â
Your racing heart sinks into your stomach. More tears well up in your eyes, blurring your vision. âSo you donât want me as your mate eitherâŚâ
âNo,â Azrielâs eyebrows knit together so hard you worry theyâll stick, shadows swirling around him like storm clouds. His hand reaches out for you but you take a step back. âIâm happy itâs you. Relieved. Iâve loved you for so long...â
Your tears fall freely and he takes another deep breath, wings shuddering along with the timber of his voice. âGods, do you know how agonizing these past days have been for me? Watching you fall in love with this court, withââ He hesitates, unable to say his name ââitâs High Lord.â
His words ignite a spark within you, fanning the hope that had begun to take root in your chest.
âIâd be lying if I said I didnât fall in love with this court," you begin and Azriel gives a subtle wince, looking away from you. "But Day is not my home."
Slowly, Azriel looks back at you, and a torrent of emotions floods over you. You're uncertain if they are yours or his, as the bond between you surges like a turbulent river.
âThe Night Court is. Thatâs where my family is. Thatâs where you are. I wouldnât trade that for anything. Not even Prythianâs best library.â
Azrielâs eyes soften and when he takes a step forward, you donât step back. A glimmer of hope lights up his features. âAnd what of itâs High Lord?â
âHeâs nice but heâs not you.â You say with a soft smile. âI love you and only you.â
Azriel cups your face in his hands, leaning his forehead against yours. The smile that breaks out on his rivals the brilliance of the rising run behind him. âIâve admired you, desired you for so longâŚI just didnât want to rush you and when the bond snapped, I feared itâd overwhelm you."
You look up at him, the raw honesty in his eyes reflecting your own emotions. âSo, what now?â
Azriel brushes the last tear from your cheek, his touch gentle and reverent. âBe mine?â
A shaky laugh escapes your lips as you wrap your arms around his neck, pulling him even closer.
âAlways.â
And then you kiss him, the bond between you shimmering and glittering. A tangible, golden connection intensifying with every heartbeat.
a/n: I don't like the way I ended this đ not my best tbh, I just feel like it was missing something. I honestly wasn't expecting the high demand for a part two to Be Safe so I hope you enjoyed some of this as much as the first part. Anyway, here's a little meme I had made for this fic while I was procrastinating on finishing it.
here's a bonus scene.
tag list (tagged all those who commented and reblogged with tags, in case you wanted to read more. sorry if I missed some!): @jswizzlewrites , @hellodarling1357, @fxckmiup, @pricklepearbloom,
@tothestarsandwhateverend, @mika-no-sekai-blog, @cherryjain17, @illyrian-dreamer,
@darlingbravebelle, @katherinejess, @lady-of-tearshed, @daisesarelove, @beardburnsupersoldiers
@assriels, @sunshinepeachx, @buckyandgeraltsupremacy
@brieflyclassymortal, @thesunloveschips, @silver-flames-47, @ladybirdbeetle7, @everythingacotarbxm1012
@starlitlakes, @mxtantrights, @itsallacotar, @mother-above, @andreperez11
@coolepowersthings, @littlebookbengal, @lipstickmarks, @aneekapaneeka, @harrypottergirl162
general tag list: @scooobies, @kennedy-brooke, @sillysillygoose444, @lilah-asteria
@the-sweet-psycho
@daycourtofficial, @milswrites, @stormhearty, @pit-and-the-pen, @mybestfriendmademe
@loving-and-dreaming @azriels-human
#azriel x reader#azriel x you#azriel x y/n#azriel acotar#azriel shadowsinger#acotar imagine#acotar x reader#acotar fanfiction#azriel imagine#azriel one shot#azriel fanfiction#be safe az
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#cant sleep...#feels weird that its been 10 years now. shes been gone for so long now but i remember it so well#the pains like a phantom pain tho. i can remember her without crying (tho i am now lol) and not all the memories hurt#but the pain isnt always detatched from the memories. that part of my childhood where she was always there feels......idk how to describe it#im always aware that its gone and sometimes i can live with the reality of it and appreciate my friendship with her#but sometimes the hurt comes back so forcefully and so painfully i want to scream and scream#and sometimes it feels like i am but i was just dissociated for a few hours#my family is still.....unsure of how to act when i exhibit pain about this. idk if its from guilt that they didnt help me initially or...#is it annoyance that this still affects me...maybe both. guess they cant get how my friends suicide when we were in high school would hurt#whether they feel guilty for how they didnt help it doesnt really matter ig bc i know they wont apologize no matter how much id like them to#idk what to do about it tho. i dont think i can just get over that at this point i mean ive waited 10 years#if anyone has advice dm me ig but dont tell me to let it go bc i just cant#ive made my peace with any culpability i have in her death and if her spirit harbors anger with me then thats fine#her family doesnt and has never seemed upset with me so i have no reason to be thinking it but idk. i just couldve done more#but whats done is done and dwelling on what couldve been is a bad road to go on. esp at almost 3 am#i hope and wish for her to be at peace and everyone who loved her to find it if they havent yet#if anyone else has had to go through this too know you can talk to me esp if you dont have anyone else#i had really no one i could talk to about it without feeling like i was burdening everyone else who was in the same situation at the time#and i dont want anyone else to feel like that so. i hope everyones well#otherwise if that doesnt apply to you but you want to cheer me up send me some cute videos or memes or whatever#ive been trying to keep my mind off it for the most part since ive had to work and dont want to have a breakdown there lol#and i have to work tonight so that would be helpful#but anyway i think thats enough of my rambling and depressing thoughts#tw: death#tw: suicide
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