#what if i lost the touch...
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i want to do webcoding again but im nervous
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i thought i was at my lowest but holy shit it gets lower
#woke up feeling more lost and out of touch with myself.. my surroundings and my partner all in the span of a night.. what the hell..#i really need a new therapist. specifically a dbt therapist but i have really weird health insurance so there's not many options..#i just really need someone that i feel open enough to talk to about anything and that will actually help me and not just use the dumbass#worn out therapist lines..#bpd shitposting#actually bpd#actually mentally ill#bpd#actually borderline#bpd vent#bpd fp#bpd favorite person#bpd mood#bpd problems#sorry 4 the long rant in tags :/
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it's never the last time.
I was trying to justify to myself having Leona know how to use a waffle maker, and. well. sometimes you just gotta go where the flow takes you.
#art#twisted wonderland#twisted wonderland spoilers#tamashina mina#(just because of kifaji)#kifaji: it's four o' clock in the morning why on earth are you making waffles#leona: because i've lost control of my life#anyway i'm trying to be less lazy about my spot-blacking#(because obviously what leona making waffles for a toddler needs is that noir touch)#i know i can still be doing a lot more with it...but it's a start :')
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As per usual, itās DP crossover with (probably) DC, although you could probably adjust it for other fandoms
ANYWAYS
A little kid and his mother are trick or treating in another city, perhaps at some kind of event rather than knocking on doors, and the kid is dressed as Phantom. Itās very adorable, with his little ghost-shaped bucket and clearly homemade and already stained costumeālisten, white only works if you can just fly over street grime or phase it out of your clothesāand his slightly Iāll fitting wig. The kid is SO happy to be out and about dressed as his favorite, and maybe even showed it off to Phantom back in Amity Park before his family left.
The hero, insert whoever you wish here, is probably in civvies and just enjoying the event. The kid, meanwhile, is so glad when people ask who he is so he can explain, and so- the hero gets to hear ALL ABOUT the local town hero who is probably pretty small time despite the kidās clearly exaggerated stories. The hero certainly never heard of him, but the kidās mom confirms that Phantom really was the town hero, despite some mixed reviews of the poor guy.
āDid you manage to show him your costume?ā the hero asks.
āYeah! We went down to the cemetery to leave flowers and I got to show him my costume.ā
Wait. Cemetery? Maybe it was part of theme, because Phantom had to be named that for a reason, butā¦ it sounded likeā¦
The kid ignores the suddenly VERY still hero and instead turns to his mom. āMomma, do you think we should bring him candy? He doesnāt get to trick or treat like we do, and I can work super hard to get him a bunch!ā
The kidās mom just smiles. āWe could, but maybe we should bring him something homemade. I bet heād like something more filling, teen boys like him have a hollow leg.ā
The kid wrinkles his nose. āLike Vernie with the pizza bagels?ā
āLike your cousin, yes. We can make some cinnamon rolls and take them to his memorial, maybe bring some of the apples from your grandpaās gardenā¦ā
The hero is pretty much forgotten as the two-part family wanders off, not quite intentionally forgetting the hero is there so much as the hero somewhat accidentally ended the conversation when they just froze and didnāt ask anything further.
Not that the hero didnāt want to. But theyād learn something very serious.
Oneāthere was a small town hero theyād never heard of. Twoāthat hero was apparently a teen. Thirdāmost pressingly, the teen hero was both beloved enough to have kids dressing up as him and dead enough to have a grave.
Thisā¦ might require some phone calls.
#dpxdc#danny phantom crossover#meanwhile Danny. sitting on a giant marble slab that has the most ridiculous gag gifts a ghost could ever ask for#heās just like Oh Sweet Cinnamon Rolls!#he would try to convince people to bring him nasty burger but while val has MOSTLY gotten over her vindictive anger at Phantom DOES decide#that sheās gonna be petty and add cilantro to everything#because Danny has the cilantro soap gene#jokes on her heāll still eat it#Danny likes his little memorial in the grave. it helps settle him sometimes. also heās gotten to know the security guards for the cemetery#theyāre fun. a bit morbid. they LIKE his jokes so you can stuff it JAZZ#MEANWHILE the hero. Whomstever they are but like 90% of you are thinking either batfam or Justice league#are having just. a TOUCH of a crisis#now they gotta figure out where the kid and his mom are from without either of them figuring out#dealerās choice on what the GIW and why Amity Park isnāt on the radar#Iāll add my two cents bc when donāt I but Iām by and large not likeā¦ dictating this? anyways#I like making the GIW just a BIT more incompetent or just having some massive flaws as an organizational group#so they keep forgetting to tell people to not LEAVE and to keep quiet#average amity Parker if the GIW tried this anyways: aw thatās cute. anyways-#and if itās dc I guess you need to figure out how the jl never found out. so#i mean thereās a LOT of heroes and cities in dc#and amity park is just lost to the noise or. bc Fenton bad luck#every time Danny tried to call. the jl had some insane disaster and or their systems were down#he eventually figured he might actually be cursed- juryās still out on that -and heās saving lives by just handling it himself#he can handle rhe metaphorical mega thunderstorms if it means he doesnāt accidentally summon a fucking tsunami to hit the planet ya know?#the kid and the mom have no idea that what they said was Odd#they are just so used to it. amity park already was using death puns and had an. interesting history and relation with death#even BEFORE there was a dead kid flying around in his white gogo boots
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I'm so tired of feeling like this.
#actually mentally ill#depressing shit#mental health#sorry for being depressing#anxi4ty#cw vent#i cant take this shit anymore#im going to kms#im losing it#ready to kms#depressing life#kill my life#why am i like this#i wanna kms#kms#i want to kms#what is wrong with me#i hate this#what the fuck#i dont get it#i hate everything#i dont care anymore#fuck everything#mentally fucked#i have no mouth and i must scream#woke up feeling more lost and out of touch with myself.. my surroundings and my partner all in the span of a night.. what the hell..#mentally exhausted#im a horrible person#mentally unstable#bed rotting
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working in a factory has you thinking so much about the insane chain of labor & transport that goes into making literally anything
#like first you realize that You are making & doing things that you previously had thought - if you'd thought abt it at all - were automated#& you become incredibly aware of how all the materials you're working with came from somewhere - these plastic clips are from france; this#fabric is from india etc. and that there are people in factories there making those things and that they are also probably getting their#materials from somewhere#one of the little things that makes me think about this the most is we have these 50m rolls of cotton banding we see onto canvas & nets#and in theory it should be all one piece but sometimes it's actually two pieces which you discover when you get far enough in the roll and#find that there's a join where it's been stitched together by hand (!). which is a little annoying bc we can't use that bit so you have#to cut that but out & stitch it together again on the machine which interrupts what you were sewing before & slows you down But it's so#striking to me bc like it's really easy to look at this banding & it's so exactly the same & obviously machine made it's Really easy to#forget that there are people there running these machines. who notice there's a break & have to stop what they're doing & get a needle &#thread and stitch it together. by hand! like someone somewhere has handled exactly where I'm touching it & i don't even know where in the#world they are!#the other place this happens is often on the selvedge edge of the fabric there's writing in pencil i don't know ye meaning of but evidently#was important to the process somewhere & someone wrote that out#idk like it's really easy to watch those videos of really specific machines in factories & convince yourself that everything is automated#but the truth is the vast majority of stuff is not & is made by people doing that. & even when it is there are people running those machine#<- and i'm not saying this in a soppy way tbc. this whole system is a nightmare of exploitation & to some degree I'm just continually amaze#by how insane this whole process is & also how completely un-transparent it is unless you are made to think abt it#another thing is noticeable when you look at our orders that most of what we sell isn't to customers it's to shops who then sell to custome#which then makes you think like. those plastic clips from france are they actually made in france or are we just buying them from france?#are they actually made by underpaid people in a country the name of which is completely lost to the chain of production at this point#anyways none of this is new it's just when you are working in a factory using this stuff you start wondering like.#what's the factory like that the person who stitched this banding together like. what's their day like there#wish we could talk abt how fucked up this all is - for them especially probably - together#thoughts
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Moze is initially apprehensive about your and Jiaoqiu's relationship. Not because you're not good for him. You are. You make him smile, you make him laugh, you bring him fresh groceries when he has a hard time leaving the house, you make sure he doesn't just rot in bed all day (although you happily join him for this too). But as Moze comes to acknowledge his past, as he understands more about what it means to have people to care about and who truly care about you, he realizes how hard it is to live without people who mean so much. And if something happens to one of you, will the other survive?
It leaves Moze feeling confused. Is this jealousy? That losing one of you might mean losing you both, without care for what happens to the rest of them.
On some level, you all live dangerous lives, even if Jiaoqiu doesn't work for anyone but Feixiao anymore and diviners are fairly well guarded when they are near the battlefield. Moze knows it won't happen yet, that you are not yet so tied together, but he worries for Jiaoqiu and his fragile heart.
Moze remains his reticent self when Jiaoqiu talks about you, or when you talk about Jiaoqiu. You are undeniably good for him, and Moze can, with fond begrudging, admit Jiaoqiu is good for you too. And slowly, Moze's apprehension transforms into a more worn, tired worry touched with curiosity.
For so many years, stronger feelings have felt burned out of him. With no one to respond to his cries, they had died before they could lay half-formed in his chest. And although it is a gentle thing, the love between you and Jiaoqiu is strong enough to make Moze unsure. All he can do is keep you alive when he can. For Jiaoqiu's sake. He's not willing to let a thing like love keep you all from sharing the life you have been given.
#hg.post#jiaoqiu#jiaoqiu x reader#moze#hsr#i think moze's feelings around romantic love are complicated at best#it's like he doesn't understand it#but āloveā or ādevotionā was one of the things used as an excuse to harm him in the past#so he immediately sees the danger in it#one of the side quests has you meeting an elderly foxian man who lost his wife#and a heliobus is both trying to understand and alleviate this man's guilt#if you're with him long enough#I think it's safe to say Jiaoqiu would become a shell of himself if he lost his mate#he's getting better at it#but he has a heart capable of incredible empathy and love#and it's what makes him fragile#loss touches him very deeply#and i think this coupled with his rather glib attitude nominally puts moze off#they care about one another#but moze (who had to suppress many of his emotions and tears) also is perplexed#from the margins#midnight posting
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thinking about how mulder loves to get scully a gift, usually terribly heartfelt, even if disguised as something flippant:
the superbowl vhs tape he brings her when she wakes up from her coma in one breath (and her deadpan "i knew there was a reason to live")
tickets for a football game to watch together in irresistible
bringing her flowers to the hospital in memento mori (he lies, saying he stole them from a guy with broken legs to make her laugh)
the birthday keychain in tempus fugit (and when she finds a meaning to it, he claims "i just thought it was a pretty cool keychain")
that is a man who is always thinking about her.
#you can just picture him at the store thinking āoh boy she's gonna love this :)ā#i think the superbowl vhs one chokes me up the most because he's trying so hard to play it cool when he had just lost her#and he needs to break the ice somehow because he hates to put those big feelings into words#he's more into saying what he means with touch and subtext#it's as if he needed SOMETHING off of the shelf at the store to say āi'm glad you're back. i missed you. i hope you're wellā#so he goes with a dumbass VHS she is never going to watch. just to see her recognize his coded declaration of love.#and that exhausted smile she reserves for his antics#and it makes me tear up! still! thinking about it!#i know love languages are problematic but i do think there is something underrated about giving gifts as an act of love#of having your thoughts for someone being represented with a physical object. making that love tangible. you can touch it.#(it works very well on me because i tend to assume if you're out of sight you're not thinking about me)#(so looking at a little trinket someone gave me is like oh!!! they actually are thinking about me often. enough to find this Thing)#anyway. that is my emotional ramble for the evening. please enjoy#AND DISCLAIMER: i am sure there are other examples of him giving gifts i forgot and that there are more yet to come#but as a reminder i have only seen up to s5 ep 3 so! pls no spoilers even if i do tag this for the general public#okay promise? promise no spoilers in the tags? thank youuuuu mwah#the x files#txf#msr#fox mulder
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I asked myself why I failed to notice. It was the first time we'd been apart that long. I found the birthday gifts you prepared for me in my room, from my 18th to my 21st. ...Shut up. I started to think about what you were doing back then. Were you celebrating my birthday all by yourself?
KISEKI: DEAR TO ME Ep. 12
#kiseki: dear to me#kisekiedit#kdtm#kiseki dear to me#chen yi x ai di#ai di x chen yi#nat chen#chen bowen#louis chiang#chiang tien#jiang dian#userspring#userrain#uservid#userspicy#userjjessi#pdribs#*cajedit#*gif#do you ever cry about the chen yi that woke up to find ai di gone.#do you ever think about the chen yi that felt ai di's tears on his face and reached up to hold him closer. to comfort him.#who saw & chose in a moment the true ai di that had always been by his side then lost him in the next. & woke up to learn it was his fault#cuz i think about the chen yi during ai di's prison time a lot. i think about him going over so many of his memories#reevaluating ai di's anger and teasing and realizing it was all heartbreak. THAT IT WAS ALL HEARTBREAK.#the guilt...the desperation & need to get through to ai di so he never makes him feel that way again. understanding that he loves ai di too#the way he gently touches ai di's hands and face here... he tied him up to keep him from running but hes being so earnest and SO careful#with ai di's pain & ai di's love. his expressions & the way he takes deep breaths before admitting things out loud like its clear#hes thinking hard abt what he wants to say and how he wants to say it. bc he has to make ai di understand how much he means this#how much he misses him. how much he wants to make this right. how he wants & needs to be by ai di's side forever bc he loves him!#he loves him!!!!!!!!! GOD. i love chen yi.
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I have a friend who played ISAT recently and they finished in thirty-six loops.
Thirty-six.
36.
I have
No idea how
They completed the entire game in 36 loops
They got bad touch, they got sus, they got 2/3 go throughs after friend quests, they got so many of the side quests if not almost all and they finished in THIRTY. SIX. LOOPS.
I have no idea how often they died to sadnesses or anything, assuming none.
I donāt even know how the hell they did that in general because you would assume the entire game is more than thirty-six loops, yet they did that and MORE in less?
They didnāt get the loop dagger scene though. Because siffrin didnāt get to that point before they went into act five (or whatever the cutoff for getting that scene is)
Because they didnāt reach the qualifications for it
And each time they died they went back to Dormont and spoke to loop, so they ran through the entire house ever loop
And completed the game
IN THIRTY-SIX LOOPS.
They didnāt even have memory of self on.
Iām so confused
Iām so intrigued
Iām so awestruck
Iām so impressed
Iām so C O N F U S E D
I am considering tagging insertdisc5 but I donāt want to bother them with my intrigue on how this happened
Cause it is just genuinely intriguing
howā¦how did you get through in such few loopsā¦and get so much completionā¦
THIRTY SIX
Anyway
Itās 04:58 good night
Maybe
#in stars and time#isat#isat siffrin#confused#how the fuck#insertdisc5#guys seriously what is the fewest loops youāve completed in#I kept track as I played#we finished in 104 siffrin-counted loops#55 genuine loops#and what should be well over 56 genuine loops including partials (eg: bad touch)#I stopped counting during act 5#I went through the two doors to the secret library way too many times#I liked the sound#and I enjoyed the repitition#but I lost count :(#anyway THIRTY SIX LOOPS-
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thinking about. how both tim and dick lost their best friends. ones they never thought they would have to lose because of their powers. ones they never thought theyād outlive. ones they got back.
(this is about donna & wally/kon & bart)
#idk man#just. dick knows what itās like#and they shouldāve touched on that when tim loses kon & bart#he shouldāve comforted tim#rahhhh#missed opportunity to get into their similar losses#dick grayson#tim drake#donna troy#wally west#bart allen#kon el kent#nightwing#troia#wonder girl#kid flash#impulse#robin#superboy#dc comics#dick and tim#actually yk what#we donāt talk about dick losing donna and wally and roy enough i think#like tim losing kon and bart is brought up relatively often by the fandom#but dick lost his best friends too!#give me that good angst yall
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marlo velasco for @rainymoodlet's rock of love!
hii formally introducing marlo after showing them in cas first lmao i'll stick all their info and some bonus pics under the cut :3
they're filipino, nonbinary (using they/them pronouns), and androsexual- for simplicity's sake they sometimes just say they're gay
traits: erratic, hot-headed, creative likes: alternative and metal music, competency, a good discussion, wellness, getting everything just right, being praised(.......), a good visual contrast, travelling, friendly competition, hard workers, vintage artwork, and of course tattoos fhgjhkjkl dislikes: modern decor, elitism, people who lack drive or who follow tradition, being told what to do, stupid questions, green eyes, makeup, phones or cameras or honestly most modern technology, softening their tone in any way, uncomfortable shoes
quick well that was a fucking lie bio:
only child to two very conservative parents, had a very testy relationship with them both throughout their teens and young adulthood. currently no contact with them both
learnt how to tattoo in their teens and joined a tattoo and piercing shop as an apprentice at 21. they met both their ex husband and their current best friend, risa there
married their ex at 25, was truly in love with him despite being deeply unhappy in other aspects of life
came out and began transitioning at 29, which strained their marriage as he tried and failed to accept their true self as opposed to the "woman" he had signed up for
he convinced them to try for having a kid in order to save their relationship shocker, that did not work so mickey was born
after three years they divorced- admittedly marlo was not a stellar parent and left mickey mostly in her father's care while they moved on from working at the original tattoo shop, eventually seeing their kid for only a weekend per month
at 35 opened their new shop Purgatory Tattoos with their best friend risa as co-owner
two years ago, they got a call in the middle of the night, from their ex who immediately started shouting down the line at them for "corrupting" their 11 year old into thinking that she's a girl. they immediately drove the few hours to go pick mickey up and filed for custody the morning after
marlo's relationship with mickey was initially understandably pretty rocky, with marlo being really awkward around their own daughter and mickey obviously being distrustful of them. in years since, they've grown a lot closer, with marlo now really appreciating the work it takes to raise a kid. they're still very anxious about being a "good" parent though, having totally lacked for any role models
has sort of dated around since breaking up with their husband, but hasn't been able to commit to anything serious what with their focus on keeping their business running and the residual sting of a long and painful loss both emotionally and financially from their ex
signed up for this at risa's insistence and also thinking that it'd be nice for mickey to grow up with a more stable and loving environment than they did
fun facts:
they're pretty much tone deaf but nevertheless enthusiastic about karaoke much to their neighbours' detriment
for their employees and apprentices, they're known as kind of a hardass, especially in comparison to risa, but being under their guidance improves skills x10
lactose intolerant but im not wasting a trait slot on that LMAO
used to have piercings, but took their facial ones out years ago because they'd all been done by their ex- all the holes have since closed up
has pretty much no social media presence aside from their shop's instagram account, on which they've got no photos of themselves, not even a candid in the background of a shot. doesnt know wtf a tiktok is even though mick keeps begging them to do dances with her?
can't imagine moving away from tomarang even though they love travelling overseas. a big goal is getting enough money together to take mickey on a big holiday abroad
here are some pics of them and their daughter, mickey! she's 13, trans, she/her pronouns. due to their long estrangement, mickey calls them "lo" instead of any other term
#bro its 4am these status effects r gonna hit like a mf#IVE LOST MY EDITING TOUCH IDK WHATS WRONG W ME#but here's marlo i love their messy ass lots even tho i flopped tonight im sorryyy i swear ill try again later#ts4#marlo#seph.txt
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āļøš¦
#twst#twisted wonderland#twst silver#floyd leech#suntails#adding tags retroactively bc i dont want to be too worrying. so ppl know my brother almost tried to . and i had to take care of it#and i got a 900 dollar medical bill today. and im unemployed. so it um. kinda broke the last straw. and twt has been miserable to touch#got in a small fight w my friend and i felt physically sick and ive been having little mini breakdowns like 3 times a day and im not used t#i dont get sad like this. i dont GET soul-crushingly upset. i dont get nervous. i normally j shut down and get thru stuff so im rly lost#sry for the vent i dont intend for it to act as such. i j wanted to give context for whats been going on bc a lot of ppl here r tumblr-Only#i rly liked this when i drew it bc i love silly meme outfits. i drew minions a lot when i was into hq so it felt like returning to my roots#im sure when i feel less empty ill be happy w this again
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Episode 8
Wow, Kazuki really just met him and said, "I can fix him."
#buddy daddies#kazuki kurusu#rei suwa#miri unasaka#fucking lost it at Ojiisan like yeah i mean i guess technically#what a partner though#he really said nice place just needs an assassin's touch get a lovely couch some decorative bottles#make this house a home
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What was that about One falling asleep whenever he can and feels comfortable enough because the boy needs it? Hm? Something about him feeling safe around Poptart and not needing to keep his guard up was it? @dianagj-art *uses your own tags against you*
#wails#I needed something to doodle and this was what I needed haha#the besties#2 arms left#rottmnt#rise leo#also im just saying#look that that comfy side of poptart#boney arm free-#pillow shaped#its also interesting because like#when he first lost the arm he *really* didnt like people touching the stump area at all unless it was sprout#something something its just a really weird feeling and reminds him of what he just freshly lost#but with time he gets more comfortable with the feeling of it + other people touching it#which ofc allows one to sleep on it as much as he wants :]#also hello diana I stole your coloring style#yoink#dibs#mine now sorry#edit: LMAO WE BOTH PLANNED SLEEPY POSTS TODAY
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"We threw everything we had at him, and it was barely enough." - Doc.
#r6s#r6sjay#r6sedit#doc#r6s doc#gustave kateb#rainbow six siege#rainbow six#creatormari#biafrnc#fpsource#gamingedit#dailygaming#videogamemen#man i lost my gif making touch#what am i even making
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