#what if i killed you and/or myself?
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crazy how much less time i spend on tumblr when i have the freedom and space to do other things
#'you're on your phone so much'#well mother it's one of the least objectionable leisure activities i can do in your presence aside from coloring#without being lectured about how i'm wasting my time and should be looking for jobs 24/7#what if the job i have paid me a living wage?#what if we weren't being slowly sandpapered to death by late-stage capitalism?#what if i killed you and/or myself?#my vision is going black at the edges as this week nears its end
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she's singing in another room and my dog is asleep at my feet. my grandma asked me why i haven't found a man yet and i laughed. oh, you know. i like my house clean.
my girlfriend is also my man is also "my partner" if i'm in a professional setting. yesterday we went to a ren faire and a man mimed at me - you're together? and at my delighted nod, his baffled, you're gay? made me laugh. a woman with rainbow hair said i love the two of you together. you're both so beautiful it's absurd.
my dad introduced my partner as my "..... friend. or whatever" the other day. he knows we're dating. in the same way, i was never able to get my sister's husband to stop saying that's gay like it's 2008. he still uses the word fa***t, and my sister's defense of him has always been well, he's just kidding.
my lover and i dance to old music in a tiny kitchen. we judge new music together and take food critique very seriously. we watch love is blind before we fall asleep and agree that if they had a queer season, it would be bloody but also make for excellent tv. of fucking course queer people would know someone for only 2 weeks and agree to get married. what are you saying.
at a bar with friends, a man puts his hand on my wrist. got a boyfriend? and yes, i do have a boyfriend, she's amazing. i am texting her while i wander around a gas station named after geese. i am visiting a swing state for a wedding. in the candy aisle i overhear: she's actually like a lesbian it's disgusting. two teenage girls with packaged sandwiches in their hands, giggling. no literally, like. i'm not, like. okay with her being there while we're all, like, naked and changing.
my girlfriend and i tailgate, drink gin and cider out of cups. from the frat group beside us, a man corrects himself with one of his friends: bro, i mean, nonbinary entity, and it makes everyone around him laugh, myself included. he razzes his friend the same way i would have killed for at 19 years old - like nothing happened, he continues: you apply sunscreen like an alien. he does a little sassy (and fairly accurate) dance interpretation of the motion. his friend is laughing so hard they're crying.
i am lucky, i live in a safe neighborhood in a safe state. my masc passenger princess comes up from DC. i drive her for an hour to where all the leaves are a violent arrangement of color. we walk along the trails, letting autumn into our blood. in this part of the state, there's a lot of pickup trucks and trump signs. when we chastely kiss before getting into the car, i accidentally make eye contact with a woman holding her child's wrist. she looks disgusted. she looks fucking pissed.
two hours later my girl and i are eating dinner on a patio, soaking in the last warmth of new england sun before the chill of winter sets in. we are giggling and trying to talk through plastic vampire teeth. at another table, i see a young woman sit up straighter. i watch her watch us. she blushes and takes her partner's hand from across the table. shy, like the taste of evening has just become something deeper.
it's worth it for this moment, i think. my lover is still humming the same song she's been singing for four days straight and i don't want to kill her for it. her guitar is beside my bed. her toothbrush is in my bathroom. in a few moments i will make us lunch. we are lucky enough to have found each other. it is lucky enough to be in love.
#writeblr#wlw#i often think about like.....#being happy in a gay relationship is sometimes so odd#bc u can forget how stupid ppl are.#bc ur so USED to being gay. and u forget other people GENUINELY ARE homophobic#so it's like. girl pardon?????#but also there are moments where it's like. ohhh the kids are alright#like watching someone razz someone else.... so fucking wholesome#“lemme get this bitche's pronouns before i make gentle fun of them” .... i would have KILLED for that.#THAT is how u know ur accepted#not just tolerated#..... when ppl are like. sure ur nonbinary congrats but WHAT is this fucking sunscreen application#ps idk if "razz'' is a real word but someone asked what it means -#i've always heard it as being a term for 'gentle & friendly teasing'' which like#i personally notice more from my guy friends but is like - when a person isn't#LIKE ACTUALLY teasing u (it's nothing personal/mean) they're just laughing w/you about something#my friends often put on a little voice and call me an anemic little bitch#like 'ooooo the anemic little bitch is cold??? does she need a mouse blanket#bc she's SOOOO SMALL AND ANEMIC???''#and it doesn't hurt my feelings (it makes me laugh very hard) bc 1. i actually called MYSELF that first#and 2. i'm not sensitive about it!!!#a proper razz is when you are ALSO in on the joke - i ALSO think it's funny#for some people i personally find that when they razz u it's when they love u -#they've noticed something genuine about u and love u enough that u know they're not being mean#this is cultural and personality based of course but i'm hispanic#if someone isn't making fun of me it means they hate me . obviously.
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sry i have chronic only draws megumi disorder the doctor said it's terminal :/
#my art#jujutsu kaisen#jjk#fushiguro megumi#megumi fushiguro#fanart#jjk fanart#megumi#me: 'i like yuuji and megumi Equally :)' also me:#i cant help it hes so fun to draW hes so easy to draw i love you i love you i love youuuuuu#also this is kiiind of me making good on that poll i did forever ago saying id draw catboys . so as promised here is A Catboy :3#hes sooooo meowmeow hes so gd CUTE god i love . fushiguro mEGUMI#to b fair i Do like yuuji and megu equally ffgsdjfdjh#sometimes u just gotta spend the whole entire day fully rendering what was supposed to be a megu sketch sheet#but now it is . just a char sheet by talos this cant keep happening#this all started bc i still want to practice/tweak the way i draw faces but it would appear i cannot control myself#also been loving drawing the cat megumi plush gddff fushiguro mewgumi is my favourite animal crossing villager#anyway so much for working on speed this was a fun 10 hours#its ok . i do it fr him <3 geto voice i dont mind being killed by you
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"aphobia doesn't exist"
bitch literally not that long ago an aroace youtuber animator was insulted by almost half of its community for being it
#i did some research about it and found out that the problem was principally that she had previous experience in the romantic area#so people just didn't take her seriously and said she was lying#even though she stated multiple times that she wasn't comfortable in those situations#now things are more calmed but damn#mind your own bussiness#i believe she knows more about herself than you#sorry if i offended you with this comment but i hate how aro/ace/aroace people are always left behind#insulted and rejected because they “dont know what they are talking about”#or because they “just have to wait for the right person”#or because they are “psychopaths and they are missing something”#i love that animator and she helped me realise a lot about myself#and now that i know the context i think i will start making a list and killing aphobes one by one#aromantic#arospec#asexual#aroace#acespec
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what cipher has done to my hands
#gravity falls#stanford pines#bill cipher#ford pines#billford#maybe?#idk#ermmmm anyways i just wanted to draw bloody knuckles 🤒#and also i love love love this excerpt from the tbob i think about it literally all the time#it haunts my every waking moment#'i hope f's gloves will hide what cipher has done to my hands'#like???? are you crazy?????#i'm killing myself asap#this was from a magma doodle that i cleaned up but i think i lost the original vibe 💔 this feels really stiff to me idk#BLEGH feeling. crazy.#okay bye#mods art#mods draws#my art
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Flower Empowered.
[First] Prev <–-> Next
#poorly drawn mdzs#mdzs#lan wangji#wei wuxian#lan wunian#The absolute chaos that ensued when Lan Wangji showed up...those girls went wild.#We have to give kudos to narration that takes the form of a bunch of suitor seeking ladies.#They were so loud about being here for the hotties and whispering gossip. You go girls.#Wei Wuxian most likely just picked up a already tossed flower to throw. Second hand flowers...are still flowers I suppose.#Can you imagine if LWJ had allergies? Poor lad.#Okay it's time for the real gritty discussion point. The one everyone is waiting for me to talk about:#So...from where we are in the timeline...what the hell is WWX supposed to be wearing?#I'm serious. Put all the fanart out of your brain for a moment.#We are post burial grounds and sunshot campaign so he's had his little goth moment reveal.#*BUT* he is still with the Jiang sect. And by proxy of this flashback talking about his disrespect - they never bring up his attire.#meaning he is likely in some kind of Jiang Purple.#Continuity wise it really feels like this scene should have been *before* the burial mounds.#I understand why it's post - we need to build up on the mystery of how he became the YLLZ.#But also his personality feels way more 'pre-burial mounds WWX'. I think this was probably a 'I don't want to kill my darling' scene.#(The Phoenix mountain flashback is a lot of people's 'darling'. I am knowingly putting myself in the line of fire here).#I'm willingly putting him in Wen Qing's borrowed cloak and assuming people take him wearing it as like...a war trophy.#Historians will revise this moment later on but for now he *is* a hero of that war.
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oh
i am. unwell.
#LABRU NATION LETS GOOOOOOOOOOOOO#BRO I AM EATING DIRT AND FLINGING MYSELF OFF A CLIFF#mentally i live here now#in this hand holding scene#i’ve watched this scene in three different languages#and all the kabru VAs got The Memo#speak to Laios in soft husky sexy tones#killing me with a knife would have been better#it would have been merciful#because what do you mean this is their last interaction for a good long while#someone pls put me out of my misery#or there will be consequences#like me writing insane labru fic idk#wasabi rambles#labru#laios touden#kabru of utaya#dungeon meshi#delicious in dungeon#oh … dungeon meshi …
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i bet the aftg universe youtube videos of "neil josten and kevin day having the greatest exy friendship for 12 minutes" slapped severely
#there would be a thirty second clip of them just giggling in an interview like little kids#or neil posting the most unflattering photo of kevin#“kevin day what would be the first thing you do if you woke up in neil jostens body” “kill myself”#theyll spend a whole interview insulting each other but in the last thirty seconds kevin will be like#“”i cant imagine ever going to the olympics without him“#and the interviewer is like you called him a feral raccoon two minutes ago#aftg#all for the game#neil josten#kevin day
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[ID: a doodle of old, Commission-era Five lounging in a bathtub with cucumbers over his eyes and a glass of wine in one hand and a bottle in the other. He has several scars, including one that starts at his collarbones and goes all the way down his torso. End ID.]
i missed old five this season so bad. where was he!!! Where was my old man!!! I took it upon myself to answer with "in the bath, chilling" because he deserves it. old five people, you're welcome
#tua#the umbrella academy#im not tagging this spoilers im sorry i know i talked about season 4 in the caption#five hargreeves#my art#whats the courtesy tag#partial nudty#?????#idk man#another thing that i need to do because we didnt get it in s4 either is a five fight scene animatic#i made a promise to myself that i would make one if we didnt get a five fight scene AGAIN this season#and lo and behold...#like yall are you joking thats half the damn show now that he doesnt kill people!!#anyway i have no idea the what or the why or the where or when so if people have any suggestions im all ears#i just dont want the last time i watch five kill people to be the commission board from FOUR YEARS AGO
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tomodachi Ren is doing good, putting him in silly outfits
it's going like this
#14 days with you#14dwy ren#14dwy#i've made him wear worse things but im just giving you the most socially acceptable ones#you need to have a lot of willpower and imagination to make yourself think that the version of tomodachi looks like him my brain is strong#yeah he kills and he's bad but what if i put him in dresses and stuff you knoiw#okback to my enclosure 🍖#PUBLIC EXECUTION TOMORROW FOR MYSELF TAKE ME TO THE GUILLOTINE#i don't know if i said this but i also made redacted on the game maybe i will do the same with them (they look bad too)#ok but i will try to make the next drawing a serious one ok i will try
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WAS NO ONE GOING TO TELL ME THAT ALIEN STAGE WAS NOT JUST DOOMED YURI, BUT ALSO DOOMED YAOI?
#THIS IS ACTUALLY SO SICK AND TWISTED. EVERYONE WHO RECOMMENDED ALNST TO ME SHOULD KILL THEMSELVES.#YOU GUYS KNOW I AM WEAK TO THAT. CRITICAL EVEN.#ITS MY FATAL FLAW. MY ACHILLES HEEL.#MIZISUA MAKES ME WANT TO KILL MYSELFFF I AM NEVER EVER RECOVERING FROM THIS WHAT THE FUCK#ALSO?????????#IVAN AND TILL????????????? HELLO SCREAMINGG WHAT THE FUCK /GEN#WORST LOVE CIRCLE(?) IVE EVER SEEN IN MY LIFE ITS LIKE THE PAIN NEVER FUCKING ENDS#THIS WAS TRULY OUR ALIEN STAGE#anyway#no one will ever hear from me after the bonus round because i'll either kill luka myself or mizi will kill him and i will die from happines#alnst
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X-MEN: DAYS OF THE FUTURE PAST (2014)
#they should invent an iteration of cherik that doesn't make me want to kill myself#mine*#cherik#x-men#xmenedit#gifset#filmedit#erik lehnsherr#charles xavier#otp: i want you by my side#they never talk about this again btw#guys be honest do u think it blew up in their faces in genosha (it totally did. it 100% did)#i think its important to note that in most of the movies (esp. the prequels) erik is always very intently staring at charles without#blinking. and that the one avoiding eye contact or not being able to hold it for too long it's charles#charles does avoid erik's eyes a lot especially in dofp#while erik is always the one doing the intense staring into charles' soul thing BUUUT in this scene#you can see erik breaking eye contact for a brief second when he says 'for what happened. i truly am'#you don't get it he's so sad!! HE'S SO SORRY!!!! and yet he can't bring himself to look at charles in the eye because he gets too emotional#and also the second erik says 'for what happened' charles breaks eye contact too#they are hurting so bad and they can't look at each other in the eyes without getting emotional.................. i'm so normal about them
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forget the swap forget daniel's message... oscar wrote a whole paragraph on his visor
#and i have NO IDEA WHAT IT SAYS#man oh man#passing the baton but it's your idol & your hero & he's being axed from the sport you love#killing myself over and over again#f1#oscar piastri
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DONT REPOST THIS thanks
#home#mine#turning reblogs off and taking it out of tags for a while#i might just delete it#it feels fucking dehumanizing none of you were here nobody knows what happened in these walls#even the people who live there now who probably trashed the place#neither did the people who took that grand piano out in pieces#none of you will ever understand how much i lost when they took me from here#that little girl is dead shes fucking dead and im living in some cruel imitation of her#and every time ive tried to kill myself its been so i could go home again#but i cant ill nevet go home shell never go home home isnt real anymore#r
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I met the me who made different choices
#idk what this means so dont ask#got the words stuck in my head and this is what I wanted to draw for it immediately#me at my desk. so.#I dont look exactly like this obviously. doesnt matter. anyways#hard time recently in a lot of different ways#lots of work to do!#given up on getting everything done I kind of failed at that. it was too much#so now I'm just trying to get anything done that will make the next 6 months not kill me again#ideally. 3 episodes. or the book#or like at least close enough to that that its basically that#I'm feeling really screwed LOL#I dont know how I've been working every day for so long and still havent done enough...#(its because the work load is way too much)#every time I take 1 hour for myself. to cook. or clean. or draw something else. or play a game. I feel so guilty auauau#I hate webtoon I hate this damn green app...#DOESNT MATTER!!!#what DOES matter is my art is good as hell... look at this shit...#the light. the colors. I love you red I love you green#I need to get more red pants I only have the one pair.#I saw this guy with red pants that had skeleton legs on them and I was like FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!!!!!!!!! I need them!!!!#I need to start sewing again. I dont have a sewing machine cause my apartment is too small so I havent sewn in years but I really want to..#I want to make clothes again... I need some vests I need some dresses..#I will not make pants or sleeved shirts because I dont hate myself#sketch#art#vent art I guess LMFAO its not#its just this fun little thing we like to call self expression#also this isnt how my desk setup actually is I scooted things around cause I didnt wanna draw anything twice. fuck it we ball#ok back to work
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North and Simon: (shaking hands on killing Simon potentially)
#detroit become human#north wr400#simon pl600#markus rk200#josh pj500#jericho is just... so funny to me as like. how they function (or dont)#like im v glad that i did a Good Job my first run and no one hated me but i also felt like a very distraught parent#in regards to how markus is just able to either hurt them (by suggestions OF THE OTHERS IN THE GROUP)#or help them because hey what the fuck i just dragged simon to safety and now north wants me to kill him#and then simon like oh no north got shot you should leave her BUT ! i saved her and made simon happy#so its like you know what they have to have some animosity but also respect#i feel like i wanna see more of north and simon being buddies ... and i might have to do that myself#but i also apologize if this is ooc for them because i really did only just play through once and got a not good end#i probably missed a lot of lore and stuff so im v sorry if im Messing Them Up#its currently just me liking their designs and vibes and hoping im not ruining other fans lives by being wrong#and i honestly dont know when north would kill simon but hes on her possible victims list#so since both of their victim lists include themselves for suicide it just reminded me of the meme#with im so mad im gonna (remembers suicide jokes are bad for my mental health)#and it was like yeah watch north be like im gonna (well if i cant kill myself because markus said no suicide) murder someone
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