#what if he was useless and got tied up by the characters I have a crush on?

[allseeinganalyst]

One way I know that my self-imposed “get your shit together, focus on what brings you joy and ditch the baggage before you’re 30” challenge is working is that I’m thinking about bringing back my old self-insert character from that fanfic I wrote in 2012 that I was so ashamed of.

[angelbarelywrites]

♡ good one | thomas hewitt x reader

♡ fandoms; Texas Chainsaw Massacre (2003 + 2006)

♡ characters; Thomas Brown Hewitt

♡ reader; gender neutral

♡ cw; references to extreme violence, stockholm syndrome i suppose?, kidnapping

♡ notes; this was literally supposed to be porn but instead here’s some weird sappy stuff lol

anyways hopefully more fics soon, writers block and rehearsals have been a bitch and a half

•┈••✦ ❤ ✦••┈•

It was a wonder you were still alive. That’s what you thought about, sitting and fidgeting in the strange bedroom with your ankle shackled. Was shackled the right word if it was tied with rope? Whatever. It didn’t matter. You were fairly certain you’d fall prey to the crazy folks running around the place soon enough. The group you’d hitched a ride with was already long gone- one you’d watched get shot point blank by the bullshit sheriff. The others….well, you heard the chainsaw and the screaming. It was an easy conclusion to come to, especially after you saw the bloody smears on the hardwood downstairs.

You weren’t sure why you hadn’t been hacked into bits yet. You’d been indistinguishable from the others- just another wandering twenty-something with tight clothes and next to no money. The only thing you could think of was that gas station. Your companions had been such dicks to the lady at the counter- of course you apologized to her. She’d been just as kind in return, she even snuck a candy into your bag of sodas and snacks. She was the one who’d sent you that way, towards the farm house.

You stilled, train of thought lost as you heard footsteps. Heavy and slow- they were somehow more intimidating than any angry stomping could have been. You curled your legs up defensively, eyes trained on the door. The person stood there more than a second, silent and just as still as you were holding. If you hadn’t been listening so intently, you would have thought they turned and walked away. But then there was some quiet mumbling- a woman’s voice, maybe?- and the door creaked open.

“Go on Tommy dear- I found a good one for you.”

You’d never seen a man so tall- with shoulders so broad or arms and torso so solid. He was massive. He was terrifying. And he was attractive. Once your eyes unglued themselves from his figure you finally took in the rest. Dark, thick shoulder-length waves. A mask that seemed useless as any sort of medical device thanks to the open mouth. Eyes that were dark but not brown. Maybe blue, maybe gray..maybe just pure black. Like a shark’s. In other circumstances you'd be reduced to a puddle on floor over him. But the bloodstains on his shirt didn’t go unnoticed.

You watched him closely, and he watched you just as alertly, stalking forward like some jungle cat…No. Wait. That wasn’t right. He didn’t look scared, but he was cautious, keeping some distance. Maybe a better allegory would be he looked like he was trying to corner a feral kitten- not wanting you to swipe or dart away. As if doing either was possible. You were frozen with fear, though found the courage to lean back a bit as he stepped forward. He grunted softly and persisted, nearly trembling as he brushed a strand of hair from your face.

Love at first sight was a stupid fucking concept. That you’d always believe. Maybe something in you just broke that same moment, maybe you were just too exhausted to think even close to straight. Maybe both. But when you and this massive man locked eyes, there was an instant understanding. He was already yours- and more importantly, you’d be his. He just had to stake his claim.

“…you’re Tommy?” You practically whispered. He nodded quickly. You got a sense he didn’t speak much, but you told him your name in return and tried to think of anything to talk about to stall the inevitable. “…you killed those people?” You blurted for some godforsaken reason. He tensed, still hovering over you. “It’s okay.” You added quickly “I didn’t actually know them. They were kinda mean.”

He furrowed his brow just a bit and searched your face, for any signs that you were lying. Before he came to a conclusion, you gave a soft sigh, instinctively leaning into the hand that had raised your face to him. Something immediately softened about him, and he rubbed your cheek in awe. The sleepy giggle it caused seemed almost to startle him. It was like no one had ever been that soft with him. Maybe they hadn’t. “….this is your room right? Can we sleep?”

Tommy still seemed in shock but carefully nodded, undoing his apron and seeming at a loss of what to do next. He frowned a bit as he noticed your bindings and quickly undid the knot that kept you stuck there. His guard was down- you could try to run. But you didn’t want to. Doing so would only be tiring. You wanted to let go. So instead you smiled softly and simply opened your arms, letting him cuddle up with you. It took him a minute to get settled, and all the while treating you so delicately… like you were made of glass. He looked up at you, again searching your face in near confusion. He grunted in surprise as you pecked his forehead. His mama really did find him a good one.

[hannie-dul-set]

AN UNLIKELY FANMEETING.

p — LEE JENO x female! reader. g — gang leader! jeno, actress! reader, humor, tension tension tension, jeno gets kidnapped by his celebrity crush, this is stupid, this is dumb, don't take this seriously. w — swearing, kidnapping, morally dubious characters HAHHAHA. 935 words.

note — happy birthday jeno. to the anon that sent the trope list curated for me, this is your fault. take responsibility. the prompt "accidentally kidnapping a mafia boss" suddenly terrorized my brain while i was studying. enjoy.

when lee jeno opens his eyes, a dull ringing in his ears, he sees nothing but the faint impression of a lightbulb burning through the sack covering his head. it’s dark. there’s an echo when he grunts and tries to move, but upon feeling the rope pressed against his wrists, the stiffness of his shoulders and the metal scratching of the chair against the rough ground— he’s quick to understand the situation he’s in.

the last thing he remembers, he was about to board a plane to japan. to spend a few months lying low after the particularly risky job his gang had to undertake not too long ago.

seems like someone managed to sniff him out before he could flee.

splash!

“wake up, you slimy son of a bitch.”

cold water hits, seeping into the fabric covering his face and crawling down to his collarbones. now, considering his line of work, jeno isn’t too fazed by this situation. he has a lot of enemies. maybe this one’s from a rival gang. could be a relative seeking revenge for a brother’s cracked skull, or some shit. doesn’t matter. he’s not gonna stay sitting for long anyway.

“did you really think you could cheat on me and run away scot free?”  

cheat? the sack gets thrown off from his head, a hand yanking a handful of his hair to pull his head back and he lets out a grunt. the chair is tipped back. jesus fucking christ, that felt personal. but when the sudden illumination stops blinding him, and he can finally see who the hell had the guts to jump and kidnap him, he’s a little taken aback.

jeno has a lot of enemies. the list goes on and on.

“use your fucking mouth, bast—”

but he’s pretty sure that the darling angel of south korea’s film industry isn’t on that list.

jeno watches as the vivid scorn and disgust in your eyes slowly meld into confusion, then realization, then a slow but sure descent into panic alongside the loosening of your grip.

“oh.”

must be the skills of an award winning actress. he feels almost a hint of disappointment when you stop pulling on the roots of his damp hair.

“oh, shit. one moment.”

clang! the chair he’s tied to settles once more into the ground with a clatter, and jeno watches as you quickly secure a distance between you and him, pulling your phone out of your sweats while biting the tips of your thumbnail. it’s a little funny seeing the nation’s sweetheart pacing back and forth all jittery in what looks like a basement— maybe your basement. as far as jeno can remember, you’re always casted for romance films. those feel-good, slice of lives and the pocari sweat commercial you once did echoes in the back of his head. but maybe you have a hidden knack for some thriller.

he starts fiddling with the ropes tied around his wrists right at the moment you screech into your phone. dispatch would have a field day if they see this.

“you got the wrong guy! my ex isn’t this hot!”

his fingers slip. his skin scratches the rough threads of the rope.

“i paid you useless fucks a shit ton of money to get the job done, but you can’t even get— ugh! nevermind. just go and bring me the actual son of a bitch i asked for this time.”

the knot is almost loose. this is quite the show. it’s better than all the movies he’s seen of you.

“what?! hello?! what do you mean you can’t help me anymore, what about our—”

drop. jeno gets up from the chair. he stretches his joints, neck cracking, watching as you sputter out a trove of profanities at your phone. his clothes are still damp from the water you splashed him earlier. maybe he should have a bit of fun first before leaving. it’s not everyday that you get to meet your celebrity crush.

“hey, dollface,” he calls out. you freeze. you look at him with the drop of a needle, eyes growing a little bit wider when you realize he should be sitting down. damn, they really need to cast you in a grittier film. “you should pay a bit more attention when you have someone hostage.”

a beat of silence. 

“uhm,” your voice croaks. jeno takes a step towards you. you take a step back. “listen, haha, there has been a misunderstanding.”

your steps stutter a little, moving back and back and you swallow nervously, looking at him with almost sheepishly— a sense of feigned bravery in the midst of retreat, teeth tugging on the skin of your lips. “oh, yeah?” he says, and you visibly rattle. you’re prettier like this than when you’re batting your eyes and flirting at the camera. you’re definitely prettier.

“yes, ahaha, there was a minor switch-up, you see i— i didn’t mean to...uh, escort you from the airport, i actually meant to target someone else, and— o–oh, and there’s a wall behind me. oops, haha. do you mind backing away a bit, um—”

“how about i help you with the ex boyfriend problem you have?”

the tables turn. it’s him digging his face up against yours this time, but the mention of your ex strikes a chord. you’re looking at him, gaze unbreaking. he can feel your shallow breaths on his skin.

“who are you exactly?”

“someone who can do the job better that the fuckers you sent me, definitely,” he chuckles. “how about it?”

he won’t ask for much. maybe just an autograph in return.

AN UNLIKELY FANMEETING. © hannie-dul-set, 2023.

[naughtyneganjdm]

Favorite New Toy

Summary: Getting in trouble landed you into Ray Lasalle's personal chambers where he made a deal with you. Where you end up? Strapped down to his bed completely naked where he gets to have his way with you.

Characters: Ray Lasalle & the reader (OC, second person)

AO3 Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/59596456

Warnings: 18+, Swearing, smut, rough sex, unprotected p in v, no use of Y/N, female reader, little to no plot, leather, praising kink, spanking, over stimulation, bondage, choking, gagging, paddling, dom/sub, slapping, squirting, use of a riding crop, etc.

Notes: This is day 5 to go with this kinktober list. The prompts I chose were Rough Sex and Bondage. This was the character most requested when I started writing it. I realize I'm behind on my days, but I'm working on it. Slowly, but surely.

Trying to move was useless. You were firmly tied down to the bed. Leather straps were wrapped around both your ankles and your wrists. There was no wiggle room or comfort. Nervous energy flooded your veins.

Why did he leave you here so long?

After you got caught boosting cars, you thought you were done for. And then when you ended up in Judge Ray Lasalle’s chambers and he knew that you had been the getaway driver in a few bank robberies, you were sure that your time was up. But then you were given an ultimatum. Work for Ray or go to jail.

Obviously, you picked the first of the two. But then he wanted more from you. And you weren’t eager to turn him down. Ray Lasalle asked you to come to his fancy apartment in Miami. He was rich, powerful and fucking gorgeous. You’d have to be a fool to say no. Plus, he held a power over you. Who knew if saying no would get you in some kind of trouble. Not that you would have said no.

The first thing he did was bring you into his bedroom, have you strip down and then lay at the center of the bed where he bound you. Now he just had you waiting. Which you wondered if this was part of his game. The coloring of the room you were in had a magenta, purple and blue tint to it. Ray was going for a certain aura with the whole vibe of the room.

Resting your head back, you wondered if this was punishment. Making you lay naked. Waiting.

“Comfortable?” a deep rumble of a raspy voice called out to you and you looked over to see Ray leaning against the doorframe wearing a robe. His hair was slicked back, his dimples prominent showing the amusement he had that you seemed tense at the center of his bed.

“Do I look comfortable?” you wondered, your eyes narrowing in frustration.

“Truth be told? I really don’t care,” Ray confessed with a tiny chuckle, moving over toward his dresser where a few bottles of alcohol were sitting. Pouring himself a drink, Ray turned to you and took a seat on the edge of the dresser. Taking a tiny sip of the drink had Ray wincing as he swallowed. “I don’t want you to be comfortable. I want you to be my subservient. I want you to do as I tell you. Even if it makes you uncomfortable.”

Shifting at the center of the bed, you felt a lump growing in your throat. You wondered if the people that Ray worked with knew he was such a freak capable of making anyone do what he wanted.

“You’ve been a bad girl for a long time, I think it’s good for you to finally understand what it’s like to be in this kind of position,” Ray suggested, finishing up his drink. Setting his glass down, he opened one of the drawers and you saw him pulling out several items that had your pulse growing faster. “I want you to understand that I hold your life in my hand. That’s how important this relationship is between the two of us. Do you understand?”

“I’m starting to,” you panted with Ray moving in beside the bed with two things in hand. Sitting on the edge of the bed beside you, he set down a gag that made your eyes gaze over it. What was left in his hands was a blindfold. “Shouldn’t we have a safe word? What if I decide this is too much and I want to stop?”

“You won’t,” Ray assured you with a wink, lifting your head up enough to wrap the blindfold around your eyes. It completely blacked out the light which made you nervous. When you felt his fingers touching your jaw you took the hint that he wanted you to open your mouth so he could put the gag there. The gag was the most uncomfortable part. “Good girl.”

Now you couldn’t speak or see. He was really taking the point home with this whole your life was in his hands thing. Shuddering, you felt his hand faintly skimming over your abdomen having you arch up toward him. Surprisingly, you never wanted to be touched by someone more. Dragging his fingertips over your ribcage, you heard a deep rumble fall from his throat. This was entertaining him. You were shaking and he knew what he was doing to you.

Small shapes were being drawn over your flesh and you sucked in a sharp breath of air. The two of you hadn’t even talked about what was going to happen between you. He just demanded you strip down to nothing and you did. And then in a silent agreeance you let him bound you to the bed. Maybe you should have been more nervous than you actually were. You couldn’t defend yourself from this man and you hardly knew him. Hell, he threatened you the first time you met him, yet you allowed this to happen.

“Look at you,” Ray hummed, his fingertips circling your nipple getting you to purr out at the contact. “You are such a beautiful thing, aren’t you?”

Every touch was soft, just skimming his flesh over yours. Hovering his hand over your chest, he went to the other breast and circled the nipple with his thumb. Your nipples were hard, aching from just the simple touch.

“For so long you’ve been running free, untamed,” Ray rambled finally lowering his palm down between the valley of your breasts. Sliding his hand down, he caressed in over your hip and hummed. “You need to be tamed because you’ve been a very bad girl.”

Your breathing was becoming uneven, making it harder for you to breathe with this gag in your mouth. Tipping your head back, you felt the warmth of his palm slide between your thighs. Grasping at your mound firmly had your heart hammering in your chest. It was just a soft caress over your body, but when he pulled his hand away you knew it was because he wanted to get you riled up.

“You’re lucky someone like me showed up in your life,” you heard him whisper with the weight on the bed adjusting. It was completely dark, you had no idea what he was doing until his short stubble scratched at the flesh just near your navel. Following it was faint kisses that had you purring out which sounded ridiculous against the gag. “The wrong person was going to get their nails in you one day. It’s best for you that it was me.”

Small nibbles against your flesh turned to bites that you were sure was going to leave marks. Kissing down over your hip toward your thighs had you hoping that he would pleasure you, but you knew the idea was too good to be true when he got up from the bed.

“We’re gonna start with something easy,” Ray slurred and it was followed by a gentle tickling sensation right below your bellybutton. The sensation slid up under your breasts and he clicked his tongue at the top of his mouth. You sucked in a sharp breath of air with the faint sensation teasing at your nipples. “It’s a feather teaser. Not too bad, right?”

All you could do was nod as he dragged the feather teaser down between your thighs and then up again to circle each of your breasts. It was then you felt a firm pinch to your nipple causing you to cry out against the gag. He pinched at the other nipple before the soft feathery touch of the teaser was back at your breasts again.

“Maybe we should take it a step up,” he thought aloud and you heard shuffling amongst the darkness. A moment passed before you felt the cool drag of leather up over the inside of your ankle. It made you suck in a sharp breath with the first gentle smack of whatever it was against your thigh. It left your flesh with a tingling, warm sensation. A deep amused rumble filled the air from Ray and he sighed loudly. “You know, the riding crop is essential for horse riding. It keeps the communication open between the rider and the horse. In this situation, I prefer to use it in terms of punishment.”

Another smacking down surrounded you with the pinging sensation over your flesh after he smacked at your inner thigh again. A few more whacks of the riding crop over your flesh had you panting. When he dragged it under your breasts it had you whimpering. At your breasts, he gave your body fainter smacks of it against your skin, but it still made a point.

“God, you’re fucking perfect,” Ray mused with the bed dipping again. The warmth of him beside you was felt. Then his palm covered your warmth again. Caressing at the flesh until he teased his fingers over the length of your sex between your folds. Meeting your clitoris with his rough fingertips had you arching up toward him. “I’m gonna destroy you in the best of ways.”

His touch was rough. You arched your hips up toward him enjoying the circular motions over your sensitive bundle of nerves. It felt like everything was spinning around you along with his touch. Dragging his fingers down from your clitoris to your entrance, he teased small circles over that as well before inserting a long slender digit. Pumping his finger into you, it didn’t take long for him to add a second with his skin smacking up against yours. Rocking toward the movements of his fingers, you did your best not to hyperventilate with this gag in your mouth, but what he was doing felt so good. It was incredibly rough, but he was hitting all the right spots inside of you. Using his opposite hand, Ray caressed at your clit firmly, matching the tempo that he set inside of you.

It was sensory overload. With your eyesight taken from you, it felt like everything was enhanced in sensation twice as much. Every touch, every caress felt amazing. By this alone? You knew that Ray knew how to pleasure the human body. Knowing exactly where to touch, how much pressure to use and how to set a mood.

“Almost there,” Ray’s voice coached you, keeping up the pace. You wanted to cry out, but it just came out as muffled sounds. Your thighs were tremoring with an ache at the pit of your belly. Every inch of you felt like it was on fire with you throwing your head back into the pillows. Continuing to finger you had wet sounds filling the bedroom along with Ray growling. “Good girl.”

Still, even after he made you come he kept up with his movements until he was satisfied. When he pulled his fingers from your body, you were still shaking. Panting against the gag he had in your mouth, you were fighting for air, but still were managing.

“See, I told you I was good for you. I’ll have you squirting plenty more by the time this night is over,” Ray assured you and you wondered how much more you could take. There was a pressure in your head along with your heart racing. You felt it in your chest and temples. Your bounds were being taken off your ankles and Ray was not gentle in the way that he flipped you over onto your stomach. You didn’t have the energy to move. You weren’t going to fight this. “Look at that ass.”

A firm spank to your bottom had you crying out, your hands squeezing tightly into fists. Smack. There was another. Followed by three more. When the weight shifted and he moved from the bed you were thankful. Your flesh was on fire with how hard he was spanking you.

Well, you were thankful. Until you felt the weight of something else at the fleshy part of your bottom. Trying to figure out what it was, it didn’t take long until it was being brought against your ass having you bounce forward. It was undoubtedly a paddle that he was using. Another hit was over your bottom and something that resembled a moan escaped him. Oh, this man was dark. Yet it had you soaking wet, wanting every part of him.

“You like that, don’t you?” Ray hummed, giving your ass a break by palming over it in gentle caresses. You only could picture what it looked like. Your flesh was stinging and you whined when he brought his hand down over your ass again. “Have you had enough with the spanking?”

You could have taken more, but you decided to nod. It made him snicker, but you heard the weight of the paddle dropping on the ground beside the bed. Moving in over you, you felt him straddling you from behind and what followed surprised you. He started massaging your back. Up toward your shoulders and then down again.

Comforting and relaxing you. Well that was a pleasant surprise. And then soft kisses started to follow the caress of his hands. Shuddering, you felt the warmth of his breath pressing in over the side of your neck. The weight of him was over you, trapping you beneath him.

“I have to warn you ahead of time,” Ray whispered, peppering faint kisses at your neck and over your jawline. “I have a big cock. It’s thick. It hurts. Especially with the way I fuck. But the hurt quickly disappears. Are you going to be okay with that?”

You barely considered the question before nodding. If you weren’t comfortable with that, would he really be letting you out of this? No. But the promise of having a big cock gave you something to look forward to.

“Good girl,” he praised you, lowering his hands to squeeze at your sore bottom. “Get up on your knees for me sweetheart.”

That was a harder request. With your hands cuffed to the bed, there was nothing for you to brace your weight on. Trying to get up, you needed his assistance to get you onto your knees. Pushing into the back of your neck, Ray got you how he wanted you. You felt the warmth of him behind you and by the way his body felt against yours, you knew that he was still wearing his robe.

His hands started at your hips, caressing down over toward your thighs. Squeezing at the flesh, he ran his rough palms back up over your lower abdomen and toward your breasts. Gently, he cupped the flesh in his large palms and it had you cooing out. Your body was very confused between both the roughness and tenderness he showed you.

Bucking forward into you had a purr escaping your lips. More than anything you wanted him inside of you right now, but you assumed this was just going to be a night of him doing exactly what he wanted. And right now, he just wanted to touch you. It had you a shaking mess with the way he caressed at all parts of your body.

Gasping against the gag, you tried to balance yourself as he tugged at your hips placing you exactly where he wanted you. Dragging his hands down your back, he gave your ass a firm squeeze. The weight shifted behind you and you felt hot kisses being pressed against your lower back. His hands squeezed at the back of your thighs. And that’s when you felt him nip at your bottom. It had you bouncing forward and he laughed at your flesh.

Mouthing down over your ass toward the back of your thigh, Ray kissed at your flesh until the warmth of his breath lingered over your most intimate parts. It had you tremoring. You were a quivering mess already and he was teasing you with how close he got to you.

“That is such a pretty pussy,” he stammered, his fingertips running a line along the length of your sex. A warmth dragged through your folds and you realized it was the tip of his tongue drawing lines over your body. A growl vibrated against your flesh having you bounce forward, but his hands kept a firm hold of your hips to keep you where you were. You were already sensitive from the orgasm he gave you earlier. Gradually, he started to kiss at your folds, sucking and nibbling occasionally. “Oh, you taste like honey…”

A deep rumble of a groan escape his throat and you bounced your hips back toward him wanting him to go back to pleasuring you. Hell, your body was begging for it. And by the sound he made? He knew it. Instead of giving you exactly what you wanted, he let the warmth of his breath linger over you. You whined. You wished you could talk to beg for him to continue, but this was the reason he put the gag in your mouth. To torture you.

This heightened all of your senses and by the time his mouth covered your body again you were shaking. You were a fucking mess and you knew it. The length of his tongue dragged a line from your clit to your entrance and back again. Repeating his movements a few more times, Ray suckled at your flesh before circling his tongue at your entrance. The grab he had on your body so he could feast on you was strong and forceful. His tongue prodding at your body, plunging into it in a teasing fashion.

Without warning he flipped you onto your back again. A hiss escaped you. The leather cuffs hurt with the way your wrists twisted. Ray hooked an arm around your thigh to pull you close to him. Burying his head between your thighs, his tongue went right back to lapping at your clitoris with his fingers pushing back inside of you. Again, he was focusing on your g-spot while his lips and tongue worked wonders over your sensitive bundle of nerves.

You were shaking and tremoring. You wanted to touch him. You wanted to see him. But both of those things weren’t a possibility. He made sure of that. Hell, you couldn’t even beg him to let you see him. The gag made sure of that. You were at his mercy.

What he was doing was testing your limits. Punishing you, but in ways that you didn’t necessarily hate. If this was the kind of punishment he gave out, you’d openly welcome it.

“C’mon sweetheart,” Ray slurred against your flesh sending chills throughout your body. The sound of his voice alone was intoxicating enough, but what he was doing? It was such a euphoric sensation that you just wanted more of it. Whining against the gag, you rocked up toward him. A snicker escaped him before his tongue dragged across your sensitive flesh. For a judge, he knew his way around the human body. Which told you he did this a lot. You weren’t his first, you were his one of many. That thought was quick to leave you though when you felt that all too familiar sensation returning. Desperately rocking your hips against his motions had him humming out when you pulled your hips up and away from him. The sound of his moan filled the air and you were crying out against the gag. After an orgasm like that? You wondered if you were going to make it through the night or if he was actually trying to kill you. “Perfect.”

Your body lay limp at the center of his bed with his fingers lazily pulling themselves from your body. You couldn’t see him, but you knew that he was proud. Arrogance filled the room and his amused sound rumbled around you. This man had turned you into a mess already.

“Now, I hope you continue to be a good girl,” Ray spoke clearly, getting up from the bed. Your head was aching. Your heart racing and your body exhausted, but in the best of ways. “We’re far from done here and I’m gonna need you to keep up with things. Don’t disappoint me.”

God. That made you worried. After all this? The last thing you ever wanted to do was disappoint him because this? This was incredible. You didn’t want things like this to end. No one had been able to bring out orgasms like this from you. Especially so easily.

“I’m gonna take this gag off you, but I don’t want you to say anything. Do you understand?” he reached for your chin, grabbing it firmly between his fingers. A sharp tug had you wincing, but you nodded immediately after. He made his point. “Good girl.”

Right now, he was doing most of the work. You could barely move your body. He knew that. Lifting your head was even harder. When he finally got the gag from your mouth, you let out an involuntary wince. There was a large amount of spit that had come from it being there. The corners of your mouth actually hurt and it left your jaw aching. A thud filled the air and you assumed that it was Ray dropping the gag on the nightstand that was beside the bed.

“You have such beautiful lips,” Ray sat down on the bed beside you reaching out to sweep his thumb in over your bottom lip. Dragging the pad of his thumb agonizingly slow against your flesh caused a purr to fall from your lips. “I bet you give an incredible blowjob with that mouth.”

Taking the hint, you took his thumb between your lips sucking softly at it. A groan escaped him followed by an impressed sound. Instead of allowing you to continue, he pulled his thumb from your lips with a wet sound. Gasping out, you felt his arms hooking around your body to pull you into a seated position with your back against the headboard. It wasn’t the most comfortable position because he didn’t pull you up all the way, but you knew what he was doing.

Once again, he was back on the bed over you. The sounds of what you assumed to be him pulling apart his robe was heard. Pretty soon you were expecting him to be shoving his cock into your mouth, but you were pleasantly surprised when his large hands cupped at your face. That made your breathing uneven with his thumbs caressing at the sides of your face.

“You are so fucking beautiful,” Ray slurred and the warmth of his breath lingering over yours made you want him. God, you didn’t know how much you wanted him to kiss you until this moment. Lifting up, you went in search of him in attempts to kiss him, but you couldn’t find him. This damn blindfold made everything hard. If Ray was going to kiss you? He was going to do it when he wanted to do it. Not when you wanted it. Hushing you, Ray’s bottom lip skimmed over yours and you tremored. Why was this something you wanted so fucking much? “You want me to kiss you?”

Giving a simple nod, you knew that you couldn’t talk. So you didn’t. You imagined you made him smile by your reaction. The warmth of his breath grew closer and you knew that he wasn’t far from you. But you weren’t going to push it. You wanted to show that you could be good.

After what felt like an eternity, Ray covered your lips with his. The kiss was slow, barely giving you more than just a little bit to have you yearning for him. Taking a pause, he pulled back slightly and you wanted to whine, but you didn’t. And you were thankful that you kept your mouth shut because this time he kissed you harder. It was a dominant sweep of his lips over yours, claiming you as his. The grasp his fingers had at your jawline grew tighter. The kiss grew in strength with every caress his mouth made against yours. Something about the way he tasted was addictive. Who were you kidding? Everything about this man was addictive.

The simple brush of his tongue over yours sent chills throughout your entire body. You never wanted him to stop kissing you. Maybe it was because you were blindfolded, but each touch of his lips over yours felt so good that you couldn’t even understand it. With your senses taken away, he knew what to do in order to drive you utterly wild with desire.

Pulling back with a growl, Ray’s fingers slid down over your throat. His thumb pressing at the soft, fleshy part getting you to suck in a sharp breath of air. Movement was felt in front of you. Again, you wished that you could see him. This was incredible, but you felt like getting to see him would have been the most amazing addition to this whole experience.

“Now I’m gonna put my cock in your mouth,” Ray informed you and that excited you. It wasn’t often the idea of giving a man oral sex had you thrilled like this. “I want you to be slow. I want there to be a build up and then I’m gonna be rough with you. I’m gonna wait until your ready and then I’m gonna fuck your throat.”

Licking your lips, you felt a lump growing in your throat, “Nod if you understand.”

Without even giving it any consideration, you nodded.

“Good girl,” he praised you again. This time his movements were slow, the bed dipping when he straddled over your body. Patiently, you waited. Soon you were rewarded with a soft rumble of a moan and you heard movements before you. Imaging what was happening, you pictured that he had just taken himself from his boxers and he was caressing over his body. You must have not been far off because soon you were given the faintest of teases of what you assumed to be the tip of his cock over your lips. Mewling out, you pressed a faint kiss at it. Extending your tongue out, you brushed faintly at the velvety skin getting a sharp exhale to escape his lips. “That’s it.”

Start slow. That was the direction he gave you. So that’s what you did. You wet your lips, pressing hot, open-mouthed kisses at the tip of Ray’s manhood. Then you dragged your tongue out across the ridges of it. This was the only way you could create an image of what his dick looked like without seeing it. That movement had him bucking his hips toward you and it made you feel good that he wanted more from you. If he wanted more? You’d give him that. Dragging your tongue over the slit collected the taste of him and it made you moan. If you had your hands, you knew this would be such a better experience for the both of you, but they had now become numb with being cuffed to the headframe. Circling your tongue over his body, you were careful with the way you moved. Not wanting to hurt him.

Parting your lips further, you took Ray into your mouth realizing that he wasn’t totally hard and you could tell that he was being honest with you. By the length of his partially erect cock in your mouth, you knew that he was big. Taking him as far back into your throat as you could, you heard his groan surround you. Then his fingers hooked at the back of your head. Your nose buried against his groin knowing that when he was fully hard that wasn’t going to likely be possible. Dragging your tongue along the underside of his shaft when you pulled back had his length growing harder.

Keeping him in your mouth like this would certainly leave to you choking if you allowed him to get completely rigid in your mouth, so you pulled your head back. It didn’t take long with the bobs of your head and the laps of your tongue at his sensitive flesh for him to be completely solid inside of your mouth.

“That’s it,” he coached you, helping to move your head over his body now. Your tongue lapped at the prominent veins over his shaft, your throat opening up to him to try to give him what he truly desired from you. Spit was collecting at the corners of your mouth, your eyes squeezing shut when he started to follow through with exactly what he promised. Both of his hands grabbed a hold of your head. After that, he started thrusting into your throat. Like this, you couldn’t really bob your head over his length. You just sat there, allowing him to use you the way he needed. You could only breathe out of your nose, your throat making a very wet, gagging sound every time his cock hit the back of it. When you felt like it was too much, he seemed to pick up on it with him pulling his hips back. Spit was dribbling from your lips with you panting, but he seemed to caress over your jawline trying to comfort and calm you. “Open up.”

Your jaw was hurting. Ray didn’t fuck around when he told you that he was thick. Between this and the gag? You were going to be feeling it later. Parting your lips for him allowed him to push his girthy cock back into your mouth and down your throat. Now it was getting harder. Each movement made it hard to breathe and you were fighting gagging. When you felt like he might ease up, he instead pushed you down his cock as far as possible. You didn’t want to wiggle too much. The last thing you wanted was to throw up or actually choke. It lasted what felt like a long time, even if it wasn’t. Coughing, you tried to get the air back into your lungs when he let you pull from his cock. You couldn’t imagine you looked very pretty right now. Tears were developing at your eyes beneath the blindfold from nearly choking and he brought up a lot of spit.

“And now you have me ready for you,” Ray breathed, sweeping his thumb over the side of your face after he collected it again. Rewarding you with a lingering kiss, you knew by the sound that he made that he liked the taste of himself over you. Wincing, you felt him forcefully turn you over again bringing you to your knees. Fuck, he threw you around like a ragdoll and he really didn’t care how rough he was with you. This time you were rewarded with the sensation of his thighs pressing in behind you. Expecting him to just jump right into this was stupid. He didn’t jump right into anything. No, what followed was a firm smack over your bottom. It had you bouncing forward, but he brought you right back to him. God, it hurt. It hurt to the point that it reminded you of all the earlier spanks he did over your bottom previously. And then there was another. And then another. God, you were getting so wet from this. You shouldn’t have. Your ass was going to hurt later but having him spanking you had turned you on more than you ever thought possible. “Oh, honey. You are fucking soaked. I love that.”

Tracing his fingertips over the length of your sex, Ray hummed with your arousal coating his fingers. It sounded like it impressed him that you were actually turned on by this whole thing. There was silence and a lack of touch. You hated it. But you were too afraid to say anything in case he got upset with you. So you waited.

A moment later, you cried out when he led himself toward your entrance. He didn’t wait to thrust forward, sinking the swollen tip into your body. This wasn’t about comfort now. Swiftly, he thrust forward bottoming out inside of you. Filling you completely to the hilt. Involuntarily, you bounced forward, but he pulled you right back to him. He wasn’t going to let you off that easily. Fuck, he felt even bigger inside of you than he did when you were giving him a blowjob. It left you with an ache from the incredibly full, stretching sensation. Staying stagnant inside of you wasn’t helping. Wiggling your hips, you wanted some kind of movement. You needed it.

Tsking, Ray’s grasp on your hips grew tighter, not allowing you to move. You whined.

“Please,” you begged eliciting a disappointed breath. Palming up over the center of your back toward your shoulder, Ray’s fingers wrapped around your mouth to keep you silenced.

“I said no words,” he reminded you, pulling his hips back so it was just the tip barely inside of you. Then he smacked forward, filling you completely again. Gasping against the palm of his hand, your eyes slammed shut. You were feeling all of him. There was no question about that. “Now, I’m gonna take longer because you were bad.”

Smack. Another firm spank covered your bottom with his girthy length inside of you. Panting against his hand, you wished he would just fuck you. But you stayed still like he demanded of you. Yet, you couldn’t stop the tiny tremors that you had on your knees.

“Good girl,” he complimented you, releasing your mouth and returning his hand to your hips. The most delicious sounding moan escaped his throat. Even though he was trying to play a hard game with you here, he still was reacting to how snuggly he fit inside of you. “Goddamn.”

Good. This time you were glad that your pussy was effecting him in that kind of way. Wincing, you felt him pushing into your shoulders to get you to lower down closer to the bed. Not exactly was that the most comfortable of positions with your hands locked into place, but you did what you could. It left your ass in the air allowing him to grab firmly to your hips.

That’s when he finally gave in. At first it was slow movements. Very pronounced and drawn out. Every pull back was agonizing and every thrust forward had you bouncing up toward the headboard. Yeah, you were going to be feeling this tomorrow. Probably even the day after that.

“Oh, that’s nice,” Ray growled out, his fingers digging firmly into your hips helping to lead you over his fat cock time and time again. “I think you just might become my favorite toy to play with.”

So that’s what you were now. His toy?

Focusing more on that would have driven you crazy because soon his thrusts grew in both strength and speed. Now, he was wincing and moaning. Matching the sounds you were making. It was also nice because that ache was starting to mix with pleasure. It was strange how the two walked hand in hand.

“I knew the moment you walked into my court that you would be fun,” Ray boasted, hissing out with his rough thrusts behind you. It wasn’t long before he was plowing into you from behind. It led you further toward the headboard. Crawling forward had him matching your movements until you were up on your knees pressed firmly against the headboard. It gave your wrists a break, but with him on his knees pressed against you from behind it only enhanced the sensation of everything more. Ray’s nose was buried against the side of your neck, his hands holding tightly to your hips with him smacking up against you. Now he had you moaning like a bitch in heat. You wanted to grab onto something, but he was fucking you so masterfully that you honest to God felt like you were going to pass out. “You can say my name.”

Being given permission to speak? That wasn’t something you expected, so you happily took it. Whimpering out his name and moaning it between broken breaths. Which only seemed to fuel him even more.

“You were fucking made for me,” Ray’s arm hooked around the front of you, his fingers connecting with your clit which was already so sensitive. His touch was rough, matching that of his thrusts. The headboard was smacking against the wall helping you to realize just how hard he was fucking you. “Tell me that you’re mine.”

“I’m yours,” you didn’t have to fight him on that one. Ray bit at your jaw, his winces growing louder. “Jesus Ray.”

An amused rumble followed when he pulled his hips back with another wet sound erupting from your body. Falling in against the headboard, you sobbed with your whole body shaking. That one sent a rush throughout every part of you with an ache at your head that had you certain you blacked out for a moment. Your breathing was uneven with him yanking at your legs to pull you back down the bed. Getting you onto your back, Ray pushed into your thighs getting your legs up toward your chest.

Balancing his weight on his palms, Ray moved in over you and you liked the weight of him there. Hissing out, Ray thrust forward and he was inside of you again with one fluid movement. You enjoyed that he was a verbal lover. This wouldn’t have been anywhere near as good if he wasn’t. His moans were like music to your ears. When you heard it, you just wanted more.

Again the headboard was slamming against the wall. You were surprised that the bed nor the wall was breaking. This was the hardest fuck you had ever been given in your life, but you liked it. It was going to drain you and it would leave you aching, but you knew you’d be thanking Ray for it afterwards.

“Do you like squirting like a fucking fountain?” Ray breathed out, pushing himself in closer to you.

Fuck, you were too lost in this to even respond. The drag of his hand across the side of your face was felt followed by him firmly smacking at your cheek. Hissing in a sharp breath, you nodded and he chuckled, “I fucking love it.”

“Of course you do,” Ray lowered down enough to press a kiss at the tender flesh over the side of your face. Every plunge in this position felt that much deeper and he was hitting spots you wondered if you ever felt before with another man. “You fucking belong to me now. You understand that?”

You nodded. When he smacked at your face again, you knew that he wanted you to speak, “Yes. I’m yours. I don’t want to be anyone else’s.”

“That’s a good girl,” he rumbled, driving you crazy with the way his body moved inside of yours. Not to sound pathetic, but you actually did wonder if Ray had ever killed someone before because this was all very extreme and hard on the body. Of course, it wouldn’t be a horrible way to die. Being forced to have multiple earth-shattering orgasms was probably a good way to go for most people. “I want you to try something. Something that feels really good and I know from experience. I’m gonna make you come, but I’m going to be choking you. Is that okay?”

Shockingly, you nodded. Lowering your legs, Ray’s body covered yours, balancing his weight on his left arm. Wincing when his fingers curled around your throat, you felt only a soft pressure at first. You were surprised that he asked for your permission with this one, “If it gets to be too much, tap the headboard.”

One single nod was all it took for Ray to be back at pounding inside of you again. And that’s when his grasp tightened. It was firm and you wondered if you were going to be regretting this. By the sounds that Ray was making, you assumed he was close to his release too. Lifting your hips, you wanted to meet every thrust he made over you. You loved that deep penetration, especially with how full you felt with him. Having your hips lifted allowed the friction of his groin against your clit too which only made this whole thing enhanced.

Fuck, you were starting to get lightheaded. Maybe this was too much.

“Your pussy is so perfect,” Ray hummed against your ear and it sent chills throughout your body. “When I come, I’m going to fill you up with my cum. Paint the walls of your tight little cunt with my seed. Would you like that.”

With a tiny nod, you knew you couldn’t do much more. Especially since his fingers were wrapped so firmly around your throat. By now the ache was growing. Both in your head and in the pit of your belly. Something that resembled a gurgled moan was escaping your lips from the air that you still had. Your brain wanted to tap the headboard, but your body wanted this oncoming orgasm. With a wail, your whole body shook and Ray’s lips covered yours. Kissing you firmly and being very dominant with you. Even with your orgasm, his grasp didn’t let up. Things felt like they were fading, but you didn’t know since your world was already dark.

“Fuck…” Ray roared against your lips smacking firmly up against you, his fingers releasing your throat. Inhaling sharply had the air filling your lungs again and everything felt like it was spinning. Inside of you, you felt him throbbing. His release was warm with him bucking up against you through his orgasm. And by the time he was done, Ray had fallen in over you with his head buried against the side of your neck. Silence filled the room, you didn’t have the strength to speak or move. By the time he unhooked your wrists, you didn’t know if you even had any sensation left in your arms. It would likely take a while for it to come back. Ray’s fingers hooked with yours and you knew that his cock was growing soft inside of you. “Amazing.”

Pushing the blindfold from over your eyes did nothing at first. It took a while for your eyes to grow used to the dim light again, but by the time that your eyesight finally did come back, it made your heart skip a beat. Ray’s hair was messy and his body was covered in a thin sheet of sweat. It had the dark curls of hair sticking to the flesh of his torso.

“You okay?” Ray confirmed, dragging his thumb across your bottom lip which you happily kissed at. It made him smile and suck in a sharp breath of air. You nodded. “Good.”

Getting up on his knees, Ray pushed into your thighs watching closely when he pulled his cock from your body. The sensation of his cum sliding down your body was hard to miss and the smile he had over his handsome features told you that he enjoyed it.

“Give yourself some time,” Ray instructed, sweeping his thumb across your clit and it had your hips tremoring against him. An amused rumble escaped his parted lips when he pulled back and away from you. It was the first time you got to see his naked body and you actually appreciated the way it looked. Moving toward the bathroom, Ray reached for a wet hand towel to wipe himself off and your throat went dry looking at him. Rolling over onto your stomach, you were in absolute awe of him. Noticing that you were watching him had Ray’s smile growing larger over his features. Moving back into the room, Ray snatched his robe from the floor and pulled it over his naked form leaving it still open in the front. “You are so high off my cock right now.”

Pouring himself another drink, Ray took his time finishing that one down before moving in beside the bed again to lower himself beside you. Caressing over the lengths of your body, Ray hummed and nodded slowly, “I think this is gonna be the best business proposition of your life.”

----

Tags: @slutlanna976​ @fuckthis-and-fuckthat @jennydehavilland @pixelb4rbie @ibelongtonegan

@smallsadjellyfish @labyrinthofheartagrams @msjamesmarch @thebeautysurrounds @hotfornegan

@redmercysugar @caprithebunny @tuttifuckinfruitty @emoryhemsworth @a-girl-interupted

@akumune @stoneyggirl2 @xsarcasticwriterx @haleygreen23 @xhannahbananax03

@sanctuaryforthelost @burningredaffair @killaweiser @dead-of-niight @ayumi-wolf

@promiscuousbarnes @tone-stark @lanadelnegan @peachihellcat

[joffyworld]

COTL Freaky Tierlist

ALRIGHT LISTEN UP CHUCKLEFUCKS

I'm about to drop some life changing lore and if you can't handle it, that's tough titties my brothers, sisters and theys. If you don't agree with this tier list, you're either a normal person (in which case why are you here run for the hills) or you're so damn freaky that God forgot that was possible when he made me.

WITHOUT FURTHER ADO, FROM LEAST TO MOST FREAKY:

F:

Kallamar - Need I say more? This loveable twink is soft as his husbands knickers and by God would we not have him any other way. This fucker can't even fathom anything beyond the most painfully dull missionary imaginable, and that's just as an excuse to cuddle more afterwards. "But Joffy" I hear you say, "He's a renowned slut he should be in A!" Wrong. He couldn't be more vanilla, it's all an act and anyone with more than 3 spouses is just fucking lying at that point. Cmon, he may be a God, but deep inside that cowards octopussy is a love for the mundane.

D:

Heket - Controversial I know. But hear me out here. Heket has spent all her life getting fucked by life, she has literally no time for your stupid fleshy appendages, and to top it off she's the most desperately useless lesbian this side of the lands of the old faith. Renowned from Darkwood to Anchordeep, this bitch is fucking stupid when it comes to "rizzing a shawty" and it shows because she spends all her time yapping about the good ol' days. She's only slightly freakier than Kallamar because she's probably into being burned by cigarettes or some shit, but let's face facts. Inexperience guides this poor phrog into the D tier, despite her aversion to "D" to begin with.

Leshy - This stupid dumb stupid worm barely knows that sex exists, and if you asked him what his favourite position is he'd say "1st" and then promptly challenge you to a footrace. The God of Chaos has no time for ropes and rails, but he's at least got a good heart and is pretty gay for that cat. I've watched this stupid fucker get divorced in two different AU's because he couldn't live with the guilt, you think he's surviving post-nut clarity? No. Enough said, he's keeping it clean and calm in the bedroom, and that cat couldn't be happier about that considering his daily life is fucking mental. Keep the Chaos outside, inside? Domestic worm only.

C:

Goat - Now this is where it gets tricky, you might think that the gruff exterior of a mass murdering psychopath is enough to demonstrate a willingness to get tied upside down and spank the monkey till the sun don't shine. But brother, let me tell you, it ain't fuckin true. Don't get me wrong, this goat can fuck, and boy does he, but most of the time it's all bark no bite in the flirting department. Easily flustered, puts up an external image of punk-rock to hide that he's an utter cinnamon bun, the whole works. That being said, with a long term partner? Buckle up. That crown isn't dildo-purple for no reason, prepare for bliss and potential bliss-ters.

B:

Lamb - OKAY HOLD YOUR HORSES this is gonna be a tough one. You've gotta be thinking, that's either wayyy too high for this silly lil fella, or wayyy to low for this absolute cock devouring demon, but let me remind you, this one here is subjective. This is the only character I've seen written as everything from an asexual to a violent and sadistic cannibal, so what fairer rating than the exact middle? It truly does depends, if you're on your "cannibalism is routine and fun" shit then you're gonna be rocketing right up there, straight to S baby, unless you have some kind of twisted mentality you need checked by a licensed psychiatrist to somehow think that's tame; not to shame it mind you. But if you're more on the side of the lamb's that typically get posted by a cuter artist, than you're gonna be rocking a D or even an F. This little fuzzy fucker is traumatized, some type of gay no matter what, and certainly a wildcard, and what better way to celebrate that then with a middle-of-the-road approach? Besides, their most famous partner is certainly a bit more repressed, which leads us to:

A:

Narinder - Are we surprised? This fuzzy little furball has been trapped in prison for 1000 years with his two kids and NOTHING ELSE to do except hope he can get back on the market. The moment he's freed, it's gonna be hell unleashed, but thankfully 99% of the time he's either so angry or so oblivious it turns into a slowburn of passion with his fuzzy lil sheepguy that he definitely "doesn't" have a thing for. But, as the well versed know, this motherfucker has seen shit, and being the God of Death is gonna give you a weird taste in, well, "tastes" than a normal life will. I mean really, the guys fuckin surrounded by miserable dead people all day, he needs stress relief and his enthusiasm for revenge borders on the horny-sided. This guy fucks, but mostly gets fucked, and remains The One Who Bottoms in almost every AU. Cmon people, if you've read this far you've fuckin seen it with your own eyes, do I really to lecture about it more?

S:

The Mura™ - The fucker that started it all. I bet until now you thought I wouldn't include this loveable spider and awful mother-sibling of 4, but here we are. This goddamn spider has single-parented a family of genocidal psychopaths since history started being recorded, and to match that then had to almost literally kill one of their own brother-kid-things to save the others. Stressed and in need of relief? Check. You know what makes a motherfucker freaky? Repression, and this spider is goddamn dripping in it (pun intended) and is ready to burst. I myself may be a Shamura aroace truther, but if I have to put a letter on it, it's 100% in the universes where this spider fucks. Copulates, eats your head, kills your family mid-coitus, the whole shebang, but boy is that gonna be the best last nut you'll ever bust. This spider's an expert, literally the God of War and by God are they gonna wage war on your holes, not to mention ALSO being the God of Wisdom? I mean come on, somebody had to write the Kama Sutra, and it was this horny bastard

And that's it

You may have questions, you may have alternative takes, to be honest I'll probably change my mind the moment I hit post and remember that actually Heket deepthroated a glizzy on the 5th of October last year, but honestly? Who gives a shit. These gods be gay people, that's all that matters.

Goodnight, Lamb Bless, and may you never encounter The Mura during ovulation. Godspeed soldiers, amen.

[dollypopup]

bridgerton season 3 part 2 spoilers

I want to preface this with saying that I have loved Polin for two years. Two years, hundreds of thousands of words, and almost 50 stories. I have loved this couple through fan edits, through fics, through rereads, through songs. I have loved this couple so deeply and earnestly and endlessly

And so my disappointment in Part 2 stems, predominately, from the fact that I just wish it had been better.

I wish it hadn't been as cut through with plotlines that went, ultimately, nowhere. Will and Alice with the tension of 'I don't want to give up the club' 'Well, you should to suit the status quo' 'Oh, okay'. Benedict with his 'I love being free. Let's shag freely!' 'I may have feelings for you' 'I still just want to shag freely, but now I'm opening up more options' (tho, congrats on the bisexuality!) Violet and Marcus who are just being set up for the final season. Cressida, who's story tugged my heartstrings so much, and ended up in the dirt.

But more than anything, I wish Colin had gotten more. There were so many moments where he could have been expanded upon, where his character could have shined, and I truly want to commend Luke Newton, he did a phenomenal job with the crumbs he was given, but was ultimately shoved to the wayside for the Lady Whistledown plot.

In truth, this is a writing problem. The actors are phenomenal. They have chemistry, they have passion, and they are all believable, but the writing fell flat. They gave too much time to side plots and, frankly, to Debling, who was such a nothingburger and didn't even return that it was evident he only existed because the series was afraid to lean fully into Colin's complexities. You know what is more compelling and more worthwhile to explore than 'Oh, I could lose her to someone else?'

Losing her to herself.

Colin spent part 2 ultimately SAD. And he had every right to be. But instead of fully exploring that, he was relegated to the sidelines to support Penelope's storyline. And I understand completely that this season was for the Pen stans, but damn, I wish he got SOMETHING. Kanthony's advice to him was useless, Colin started the series knowing he couldn't open up to his brothers and still not doing so by the end. Colin saying that his ultimate purpose was to support and love Pen was a horrific cop out and a disservice of his character. It's a bad plotline when a woman says so for a man, and it's a bad plotline when a man says so for a woman.

I love these two so much, and I feel like they could have had so much better. Penelope now writing the same gossip, tying herself to Mayfair, but under her name now, thus ensuring that people are aware and being different around her for the sake of her publication is bad. To imply that her dreams are Lady Whistledown is lazy- Lady Whistledown is a plot device the writers are unable to let go, not Penelope's ultimate dreams.

You want me to believe that this woman's biggest dreams are to continue writing gossip? Not novels? Not stories? Not an autobiography? Not to travel? Not to make more friends? But to have a baby and write about parties? They tried giving legitimacy to gossip as if Penelope ever had any peer review, as if she is the be all end all of what is and is not true- she cannot possibly know fully.

I wanted more for her than to be a teenage mum tied to a gossip blog. I wanted more for Colin than to publish a book offscreen and take over an estate until his son comes of age. I wanted more for POLIN. Their beautiful moments were truly BEAUTIFUL. That first time scene was lovely- but how much lovelier would it be after he knew who she was in full and accepted all of it? Their reconciliation felt hollow because he was not truly given the time to process it. The pain of separation, sleeping on the couch as she took the bed, was hardly explored outside of a few quick scenes.

No montage of their letters, no Colin standing beside her, and that Lady Whistledown reveal where everyone clapped? I don't understand it. I wish so much that this show took a good story and made it better, and that's where my bitterness lies. Not because I'm a hater, but because I'm a lover. I wanted to love it so, so much.

And I know it could have been better. My couple is better than this. My couple is better than Penelope's ultimate goal being independence and Colin's ultimate goal being an accessory. My couple is a pair of equals. My couple is a pairing of two people who love one another so damn much they can't even stand it. Where is my Penelope who fights for him? Where is my Colin who announces to the world he loves her?

I guess that Polin ended up on the cutting room floor in the edits, because what we got wasn't enough for me

[dioslesbianwife]

Headcannons for jojo villains if the reader asks them to do their hair!

••••••••••••

Wamuu

He’s the first one you approach. His own hair always looks decent, so surely he’s got some secret technique.

“Wamuu,” you say, dragging a brush through a tangle with a wince, “how do you deal with this?”

“I brush it,” he replies plainly, as if it’s that simple.

“Yeah, but like—can you do mine? Please?”

Wamuu nods seriously, taking the brush from your hands. You sit cross-legged on the floor, expecting him to be gentle. Instead, he brushes with the strength of a warrior.

“Ow! I said brush, not rip my scalp off!”

“Pain builds character,” he replies without stopping, though his grip softens. By the end, your hair is smooth, but your scalp feels… disciplined.

Dio

Dio laughs when you ask him. “Do I look like a servant to you?

You shrug. “You’ve got good hair, so I figured you’d know what you’re doing. Guess I was wrong.”

He narrows his eyes, unable to resist a challenge. “Fine. Sit.”

To your surprise, Dio is actually skilled. He hums softly to himself as he braids your hair, fingers working with practiced precision.

“This isn’t bad,” you admit.

“Of course it isn’t. I am Dio.” He pauses, smirking. “Though I doubt you’ll find anyone else who can match my artistry.”

“Sure, you’re the Michelangelo of hair.”

Kira

When you ask Kira, he looks appalled.

“I don’t… touch people’s hair.”

“Not even your own?”

“I keep mine short for a reason,” he replies stiffly. “I have no interest in… detangling chaos.”

“You’re useless,” you say with a sigh, walking away. You don’t miss the way he mutters something under his breath.

Pucci

Pucci listens patiently as you explain your plight, nodding with understanding.

“Of course I’ll help,” he says, taking a seat behind you.

You hand him a comb, expecting some gentle care, but instead, he starts lecturing.

“Do you know the story of Samson?”

“Pucci, if you don’t stop monologuing and start brushing—”

“Samson’s strength was in his hair, perhaps yours holds its own power.”

It’s not the worst hair session, but the sermon drags on until you finally escape.

Doppio

Doppio is thrilled when you ask for his help.

“You trust me with your hair? Really?!”

“Yeah, just don’t do anything weird with it.”

He giggles nervously but does an okay job brushing. At one point, he ties a bow in your hair with some ribbon he found.

“There! Now you look even cuter!”

You laugh, patting his arm. “Thanks, Doppio. It’s not bad.”

When Diavolo takes over later, he immediately cuts the ribbon off.

Funny Valentine

Valentine’s reaction is pretty neutral. “Hair care is an important part of presentation,” he says, rolling up his sleeves.

You sit down, expecting some sort of patriotic monologue, but he’s actually quite skilled. His movements are efficient, and he even uses some sort of oil that leaves your hair shiny.

“There. As polished as any American hero,” he says, admiring his work.

“You’re weird, but thanks,”.

Kars

Kars is the most confident of them all. “My hair is superior,” he declares. “If you wish for perfection, you’ve come to the right being.”

You let him have his moment as he gets to work, though his commentary is endless.

“This strand is inferior,” he mutters at one point. “You should be honored I’m improving it.”

By the time he’s finished, your hair looks amazing, but you’re emotionally drained.

•••••••••••

In the end, you realize asking for help might not have been the best idea, but at least your hair looks… mostly decent.

[artist-issues]

I've seen you complain about Arcane being written for maximum emotional peaks and valleys without a focus on what makes sense from a storytelling perspective. Step into the metaphorical writers' room and tell me how you'd fix it.

Ack

Ack

The thing is I have zero knowledge of the video game it’s based on, so I would not be the right person for that.

I also have not seen the whole show in-depth, and after the first three episodes I was so fed up I was having a hard time even paying attention. So. Some of the stuff I think they should do? Maybe they wound up course-correcting and doing it, later on.

But with all those caveats in place:

The strongest parts I saw were the parallels between the two sisters, Powder and Vi, and Silco and Vander. And then obviously those parallels get paralleled with Jayce and Viktor.

The only interesting part of the show was the way it pointed out and made clumsy stabs at answering this question: “How do I continue loving someone when I fundamentally disagree with them about the most important things? And if I get that wrong, how can they ever trust me to love them again?”

I mean, that’s what’s going on with Vi and Powder.

Powder’s got some suddenly-at-the-climax-of-Vander’s-rescue-mission obsession with “not being left” and “saving Vi.” (did she feel super focused on keeping Vi safe or not getting abandoned in any other action-or-conversation scenes before that point, no, it was more about her “not feeling useless,”—but whatever, we’re not talking about all the aforementioned shock-jock flaws) But when she tries to act on those obsessions it blows up in everybody’s face and maybe Vander actually dies. (Prolly not, they played up like four different scenes of him probably-dying-and-Vi-reacting-to-it before he ever finally took a “last breath,” I’m sure they kept chewing that bone for all it was worth later on in the season)

So then Vi, for no reason, turns on Powder and appears to abandon her because she’s a “jinx” and all her friends are dead. Which makes no sense. We have not noticed a tendency in Vi to blame those closest to her when she loses something before. We just needed a dramatic moment, and for Powder to get the “cool” name “Jinx,” and for Powder to throw herself into Silco’s arms.

But the point seems to be, even later on when Jinx is deranged because of vague childhood-reasons-and-maybe-drugs, and Vi is trying to get through to her after a long separation—the point seems to be, “how do I love you, flaws and all, and how do I show it?”

The showing it part is important. Because love serves others. Actions taken in the name of “love” that do not serve the object of that love aren’t loving. So, it would be really helpful for Jinx to not only hear from Vi that she’s loved, but be able to believe it, too.

Just like Vander shouldn’t have tried to drown Silco after realizing he was a genocidal monster. He should’ve kept trying to reason with him, or cut ties without violence, because obviously you’re not responsible for slaying the monster your brother-figure has become, that’s lunacy.

Just like Jayce shouldn’t try to turn in or destroy Viktor, if where I left it continued (it looked like it did, from The Line music video) and had Viktor becoming a Dr. Victor Frankenstein man-was-not-meant-to-meddle scientist-who-goes-too-far villain later on. (I left it when he said he was willing to help the Mad Scientist experiment on the Slug-In-a-Torture-Jar. I mean, that looked like it was tending toward a Villainous Viktor Who Must Be Stopped, probably by Jayce for Drama, conclusion.)

But here’s the thing.

I don’t believe in the whole “Love Accepts You, Flaws and All” mantra. Not if by “accept” you mean “celebrates those flaws and encourages them as if they’re not flaws.”

(I’m talking about flaws of virtue, flaws of character, not Victor’s injured leg or like, Powder’s clumsiness, obviously those “flaws” are different.)

Jinx should not be helping the king of the underworld run a drug trade and kill people. She should not be making her psychosis everyone else’s maiming, exploding, problem. She should not be living her life in revenge and fear. Those things about her ARE ACTUAL FLAWS and are hurting her and hurting everyone around her.

Silco should not be hell-bent on restarting a war with the people above, and fine with poisoning kids to do it. Those things about him are ACTUAL FLAWS which are hurting him and everyone around him.

Viktor should not be sacrificing compassion and kindness for progress and circumstance-betterment. He should not be convinced that the scientific goals he has are the only ones that can work, or are worth sacrificing anything to achieve. That’s called pride. That thing about him as in ACTUAL FLAW. You get it.

It’s just like having an alcoholic loved one. Seriously, it’s no different. That person has a tendency toward, and a personality bent around, and even an identity shaped-by, a flaw that is hurting them. And hurting those around them. If their family said, “Yeah, haha, that’s Uncle Simon, loves the liquor. His flaws make him who he is; if we didn’t celebrate that part of him, we wouldn’t really be loving him at all!” that would be abominable.

So, the first thing I’d do in the writer’s room is kill the “Love Stays With You, Flaws and All” thing they seem committed to, or tweak it so that it’s actually good and lines up with truth.

The truth is, “Love Stays With You, and Helps You RIP AWAY and OUTGROW Your Flaws, No Matter How Much It Hurts.” That’s the harder truth, that’s the truth that heals. Not “I’m fine the way I am, everyone else get on the bus or get run over.”

I saw a clip where Ekko is fighting Jinx on the bridge and almost kills her but then hesitates and doesn’t, even after earlier arguing with Vi about how “she’s not who she used to be,” so I’d ride that idea. I’d make Ekko the first character to figure out (maybe by learning it from Vi, or they learn it gradually together) that Jinx just needs to see that she won’t be given-up-on. Even if she is explosively destructive, violent, selfish, and mentally damaged. I’d make the whole show about redeeming Jinx, as a break in the chain of “Family-Failing-And-Love-Turning-to-Powerful-Hate” that Silco and Vander started.

I’d make an adventure based around Vi needing to find something that cures the drug or bacteria or whatever Silco is giving all those addicts. I’d make Jinx trail her, trying to stop her or get in her way or something on Silco’s orders (but I would have rewritten Jinx so that her defection to Silco’s side actually had believable build-up and not just emotional-drama appeal.) So they keep encountering one another, and while Vi is trying to literally find a cure to the corruption of the drug, she’s also trying to restore her relationship with Jinx—by sacrificing herself to keep Jinx safe, without ever approving or helping Jinx be violent and vengeful.

That doesn’t solve all the same lazy problems made with other characters, like Jayce and Viktor, or Silco or Ekko, but it at least starts clearing up the two main characters.

Practically? I would seriously stop framing every decision in the show around “have as many explosive emotional, mental, and physical brawls as possible.” You can just feel them boarding the fight scenes first, the emotional-screaming-crying-throwing-up-scenes second, and then writing the story around making those scenes happen.

That’s awful.

The first example that pops into my mind is when Vi “abandons” Powder. Next to Vander’s maybe-corpse. In the middle of a burning street. But she just ducks around the corner for a second so they can cry separately. And then the Marcus police officer guy, who has demonstrated no tendency toward compassion or mercy when it comes to Vi, and appears to have no story-reason to do this, whisks Vi away before she can rejoin Powder. And for some reason, in that moment, after like three seconds of grief, Powder genuinely thinks that Vi has left her forever. And there’s no follow-up or explanation to why Marcus decided it would be a good idea to catch Vi and lock her up for years and years, and no demonstration of that same aspect of his merciful-compassionate-save-you-from-the-bad-guys personality later (that I know of.)

They wrote that whole scene so that Powder could cry and scream and throw herself into Silco’s arms and he could make a dramatic declaration about betrayal and a clumsy parallel-emotional-moment, and so that Vi and Jinx could alternately sob and punch each other later on in life.

Stupid.

I would stop doing stuff like that.

Anyway, without more info on the show and the game, I couldn’t tell you much more than that. I’m afraid this turned into another what’s-wrong-with-Arcane rant. But thanks for asking.

[lady0ctavia]

When Their S/O Has a Nightmare (2p!Allies)

Headcanons for how the 2p!Hetalia characters would react to their S/O having a nightmare while lying in bed beside them.

2p!America: When waking up to see you having a nightmare, Allen is quick to wake you, gently rubbing his hand up and down your arm. When you awake, he would say, "Whoa, easy there, doll. You feeling alright?" After you shake your head, he'd ask if you wanted to talk. If not, he'd let you rest your head on his chest, his strong arms wrapped securely around your waist, a hand going just under your shirt to rub little absentminded circles on your hip. Will also likely give you a few, small kisses on the head and bring up your hand to kiss it.

2p!England: Oliver is someone who overreacts. A lot. So don't expect a small reaction. He immediately attempts to wake you up by shaking your shoulders, insisting on knowing if you're having a nightmare. The man is anything but subtle. When you inevitably wake, he's hovering right over you, holding onto your shoulders. When he sees your tears, he will press his forehead up to yours, his voice softening after his mini panic attack. "Love, are you well? Please do tell me everything is alright?" Weirdly enough, he's the one who needs reassurance.

2p!France: This would depend on the kind of relationship you have with François. If it's casual with no real emotional ties, like a one-night-stand, then he'd leave you to deal with the nightmare on your own. He got what he wanted when you spent the night together However, if the two of you were in a real, emotionally loving relationship, his reaction would be completely different. When he sees your fearful expression, he becomes sad. He'd rub his hand up and down your back to wake you. When you begin to cry and explain the nightmare, he'd lay on his back and pull you onto his chest, allowing you to use him as a pillow. Idly running his hands through your hair, whispering into your ear. "Don't worry, I gotcha. Just sleep."

2p!Russia: Interestingly enough, I can see Viktor's reaction being almost the exact same as his 1p! counterpart. When he sees your heartbroken, contorted expression, he'd hesitate for a moment or two before bringing you into a tight embrace, almost wrapping his entire body around yours. If you awake, he may draw away for a moment to ask you what you were dreaming about. If you want to talk, he'll listen. If not, he'll bring you back into his embrace, arms and legs entwined. "Cast away those useless fears. I am with you, and no one will harm you. Not as long as I am around."

2p!China: Similar to Viktor, Zao would be quick to embrace you, body heart, and soul, allowing your limbs to entwine, pressing your foreheads together. If you awake, he'll silence your cries with a kiss before asking about your nightmare. He'd listen attentively if you want to talk about it, but if you'd rather not, he won't force it. He'd try to calm you down with little kisses on the lips and jawline, ghosting just around your neck. He just wants you to calm down and feel loved.

2p!Canada: James is another person who'd debate for a moment or two about waking you. As someone who hates getting woken up, he doesn't want to do that to anybody else. But as your partner, he doesn't like to see you hurting. When he wakes you by shaking your shoulder, he asks about the nightmare. If you're open to talking about it, he'd hear you out while rubbing a hand up and down your back, idly running his fingers through your hair. If not, he'd wrap an arm around you and pull you close into his chest, placing tiny kisses on your head, humming a little tune.

[aluria-sevhex]

THE KING FUCKING ONE-SHOT ME

notes:

-why am i being so anxious lol. if i die i can loop again it's fine

-i love this game's music

-wtf is the stuff all over the place and the gate

-i love how when Sif forgets terms for stuff like the kiln the others will remind him

-a mirror...

-"everyone say fromage!" F R O N C H

-Siffrin has a lot of pocket space

-aw, Odile's eyes light up when she's learning things

-woah this Sadness is just giant hands

-I FOUND MIRA'S ROOM

-ooo Mirabelle likes horror

-the barrels. are EVERYWHERE

-discussion of crafting your body has led to the wonderful sentence "High heels hurt my feetsies..." thanks Isabeau

-woah Sif's cloak is magic

-Isabeau's so considerate of the fact that Sif doesn't like being touched :]

-ok where the fuck is Siffrin from and how did they get the cloak

-FUCK. LOOP KNOWLEDGE BLUNDER

--aw that's kinda cute how Odile will ask questions about stuff she already knows to get the emotional component

-huh. this gate has weird writing that they can't read. and the gate looks like... stars... hmmmmmmmm

-CREST TIME

-i picked the wrong way :( WELP TIME TO EXPLORE THIS ROOM

-ah yes the "handsome young men falling into beautiful heartbreaking madness" horror anthology

-THE SCHADENFREUDE!!!!!!!!!

-openphrase123

lol

-aight i'm looping now

-um. Loop. what would happen if you saw the others

-what's up with that book Bonnie was reading...

-WAIT FUCK I MEANT TO CHECK THE LOCKED HOUSES I'M GONNA HAVE TO LOOP AGAIN

-the world would be inside of the universe...

-yeah i can't be assed to search the entire House for the book rn that's like 2 floors i've cleared. i'm looping forward.

-the little nodding Siffrin when he zones out is cute

-woah. observatory...

-hmmmm Mira can't remember who studied in the observatory. maybe this is tied to Loop? or the starry gate? or the disappearing island?

-trying to read the books gives you a headache

-istg this is some Gaster shit

-COLOR? WAIT THE WORLD IS MONOCHROME. HOW IS THERE A BOOK ON COLOR THEORY

-Siffrin where the fuck are you from

-welp. looping time

-lol the crying key is in the super duper cool notebook

WAIT THAT'S A MEAN THING TO DO. THE GAME IS BEING MEAN LMAO

-loop-de-doop-de-doop

-might as well go do some things in Dormont if i'm looping anyway

-ok time to loop forward to floor 2

-uh-oh. Sif is having a crisis over not being good at their job. :(

-looping forwards. round and round and round we go...

-"if you hadn't picked up the key wouldn't we be stuck?"

Live Siffrin reaction: (Yes.)

-lol bathroom break. fictional characters NEVER go to the bathroom

-Sif whaddya need to do alone?

-lol

-Sif is SO glad to have the loops

-:0 intact Change God statue

-KEYKNIFE

-what the- they got teleported! this is sus...

-feel like the bit where Sif laments the loss of the keyknife and thinks they could've found another use for it might be foreshadowing...

-FUCK FUCK FUCK MIRA IS KO

-fml Odile is the only one left standing

-first game over damn

-jesus fucking christ this is a bleak game over screen

-is he gonna finish himself off

-fuck that's bleak

-ok he finished the Sadness off

-WAIT DO I HAVE TO GO THRU FLOOR 3 *AGAIN*??? THIS IS BULLSHIT

-grinding for exp

-had to go to dinner. back

-it's nice when Bonnie gets to deal the final blow :]

-time to try again!

-I DID IT :D

-uh-oh. Mira is freaking out at the sight of another frozen person :(

-oh her roommate :(

-Mirabelle you're not useless :(

-HOLD UP. THE *HEAD HOUSEMAIDEN* GAVE MIRABELLE THE ABILITY TO NOT GET FROZEN?

-hehe Odile is hungry. SNACK TIME... maybe *i* should eat more.

-love how crab is used like a swear word

-Siffrin's like "i"m fine!" and i'm like "ARE you?"

-hey King why do you have stars on your gauntlets

-THE KING JUST REFERENCED SIF SPECIFICALLY?

-...what does he need to remember...

-Siffrin is sus

-DID HE JUST FUCKING 1-HIT US?

-this is one hell of a game over

[melefim]

Swearing in Dead Boy Detectives: God

Overview:

God was said 69 times, by 10 characters, and in all 8 episodes.

Uses Per Episode:

Episode 1: 4

Episode 2: 8

Episode 3: 7

Episode 4: 1

Episode 5: 17

Episode 6: 7

Episode 7: 10

Episode 8: 15

Uses Per Character:

Charles: 5

Crystal: 32

Jenny: 1

Niko: 8

Esther: 8

The Cat King: 4

Litty: 2

Kingham: 2

Maxine: 2

Maren: 4

Percent of Total:

God is said 69 times, which is 21.4% of all cursing in the show.

Variations:

There are 5 variations of the word God used in the show, with the most popular being God, which was used 30 times.

God: 30

Oh My God: 23

Oh God: 13

Thank God: 2

OMG: 1

Rankings:

Total Uses: God comes in 2nd place for total uses, being said 69 times.

Number of Episodes: God is one of only four words to be said in every episode, along with Fuck, Shit, and Ass.

Most Uses of a Word in a Single Episide: Fuck holds 4 of the top 11 spots.

Total Characters: 11 different characters say God, landing it in 2nd place.

Favorite Word: God is tied with shit for Crystal’s favorite word- she says them 32 times each.

It is also the favorite (and only) curse word for both Niko (8) and Maxine (2), as well as the favorite for Esther (8) and Maren (4).

Curse Word Variations: With 5 variations, God settled in at 4th place.

Lines:

Episode 1:

Crystal: Oh my god, why can't I remember?

Crystal: God! I just need a second, okay?

Crystal: God, I just want to take their heads and just crush them together, I am so mad!

Crystal: Oh my god, I never even thought about the fact that they could still be alive.

Episode 2:

Charles: Oh my god, here we go.

Crystal: Oh my god, holy shit! (Niko collapses)

Crystal: God, I feel lonely too.

Crystal: Oh my God! Holy shit, how does today keep getting more disgusting?

Crystal: God (After Edwin asks 'And were there any graves or decaying bodies near her in the woods?')

Crystal: Oh my god, Charles back me up.

Crystal: Oh my god, Niko! (Niko starts seizing)

Niko: Oh my god. Are these your friends?

Episode 3:

Crystal: I just heard some people talking about it in the um, God, it was the… malt shop and it sounded super crazy.

Niko: Oh my god, he is so in to you!

Kingham: God! (Niko throws sweater over jar)

Kingham: God! I hate you!

Crystal: Thank god, there he is.

Crystal: Oh my god. Son of a bitch owned an electronics store.

Charles: God, that must have been mental.

Episode 4:

Crystal: God, it's driving me crazy

Episode 5:

Niko: OMG it's…(Jenny's secret admirer)

Litty: Oh my god (Niko comes in room)

Litty: Oh my god!

Crystal: Oh god. Cash and condoms. Thanks.

Maren: Brad was my boyfriend. God, I miss him so much.

Maren: God, I shouldn't have left.

Crystal: Oh, no it's porn, it's all just porn. Oh my god.

Maren: And oh God, they, they… ugh, they humiliated him any chance they got.

Maren: Oh god I… I almost did it to you.

Charles: I've got some heavy shit that I need to sort out. I get it. Just… God, I really wanted them to be good guys

Maxine: God, I've always done this.

Maxine: Like… like what your pillow smells like. Oh god, I can't wait to smell it for myself.

Niko: What's happening? Oh. Oh my god.

Charles: God, you knobs really don't get it.

Charles: Oh god, I'm worried that maybe I'm like Brad and Hunter.

Crystal: I can't keep him out of my head. God, he just keeps coming, I don't… I don't know how to stop him. God, what if I can't?

Episode 6:

Crystal: God, I just want to be normal.

Esther: Oh, God, well without her precious little dead boys she'll be snake food in no time.

Esther: God! You're not going gaga for the uptight boy?

Crystal: God, I feel totally useless.

The Cat King: Oh God, the handsome face, the little kiss, bullshit astrology.

Esther: God, I love final moments.

Crystal: Oh my God, are you guys OK?

Episode 7:

Esther: Oh, god.

The Cat King: Oh god, they say that I'm a pussy.

The Cat King: Oh God.

The Cat King: God, I am such a romantic, I hate it.

Crystal: God, Edwin is my friend too, whether he likes it or not.

Crystal: God, if you really won't let me go, then I'll find my own way to Hell.

Crystal: God, that's fucking insane.

Niko: Oh my God! You're both still dead, and didn't get trapped in hell forever!

Niko: Oh, thank god.

Crystal: God, I gotta figure out what I'm going to tell her.

Episode 8:

Crystal: God, it's like being punched in the face and the stomach.

Esther: God, you're nosy.

Crystal: Mom? Oh my God. Mom is that--

Girl in Crystal’s Memory 3: Oh my God, did you guys hear? James got hit by a car.

Crystal: Oh, my God. Oh, I'm a fucking awful person. Oh, God, I'm the worst.

Crystal: God, I was a bad person before him.

Crystal: Because if you did, God, you'd hate me

Crystal: Oh my God, Jenny are you OK?

Niko: Oh my God. Am I dead?

Niko: Oh my God. Is that where the magic eight ball kept saying "outlook not so good"?

Esther: Oh, God! Oh, God, no, my face… Is fine.

Esther: Oh my God, my own sacrificial knife? I'm impressed. But I'm not fucking around that you're also gonna patch that wall before you die too.

Jenny: God, that sounds so fucking procedural.

Notes:

Goddamn was said six times throughout the show. These have been included in the count for Damn, which can be found here.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

More Dead Boy Detectives Swearing Posts:

Masterlist

Swearing by Episode

Swearing by Character

Swearing by Word

All Swearing Posts

And if you like lists of things like I do, you can check out my other Dead Boy Detectives ones here!

When Charles’ Shirt Colors Change

George Rextrew’s Edwin comic inspo board

Full soundtrack with timestamps

Moves, Incidents, and Cases Masterlist

First pass at finding where the songs in the score are used- full post with timestamps in progress

[goodoldfashionedengineer]

Lego Batman Family Matters is so ridiculous but I love it.

You will not believe how funny this movie actually is.

Is it out of character? YES, especially on Bruce and Damian's front.

Is it still batfam dynamic? Also yes.

In this movie, Bruce sells Wayne Enterprises because he believes that Bruce Wayne stops him from doing what's really important. Crime-fighting.

Harvey Dent hates Bruce because he believes that he has all this money and doesn't use it enough for good. And yes, he buys WE. Also, he works for Jason because they both think that Bruce owns half the city, yet he neglects the things he's supposed to love (This IS actually half of Jason's motivation. Gotham IS his city. It's just that it's more personally motivated)

So Jason sends Batman, Nightwing, Batgirl and Batwoman letters on where to meet him. There he gives them the location of four bombs. They decide to split up. When the bombs that Batwoman and Batgirl were supposed to handle were disarmed, he shocks them.

Btw, Babs and Dick have a fight going on because Dick didn't respond to her text. The reason? He didn't always want to write a thumbs up but something original, like a smiley face with a heart. When Barbara was under the influence of fear toxin, she saw a version of herself that claimed to be better than her and told her "he probably responds Starfire immediately".

He managed to shock Robin!Damian too, but Nightwing was with him and now they're trying to beat the shit out of each other. They even had a car chase, constantly made quips at each other and Jason launched a granate or something at his car so Dick will have to jump out, giving him the opportunity to also shock him.

Meanwhile Bruce is having a showdown with Two-Face at the theatre and Billy Batson, who wants to get an interview with him to earn money for the orphanage, is also there with him. In the end, BILLY had to disable the bomb because Bruce just straight up forgot about it???

By the way, he got to the theatre with another guy, but had to make the guys errands first, because Jason stole the tires from the batmobile. Bruce was so completely useless for this entire fight, he didn't even capture Harvey, he escaped. Everyone else DID. Sucks to be outnached by your family but my guy, I feel no sympathy.

So then Red Hood calls and says he has his family and they're gonna talk about this at home. So Bruce gets home, Jason says "Daddy's home" and rankd Bruce entrance as a 9.5 because the hero landing is so from last year.

Yes, so, anyway.

Damian, Barbara, Dick, Katherine and Alfred are all suspended in the air by their arms. Bruce reveals Jason's identity.

Damian: The second Robin? I thought he was dead!

Jason: You told them I was dead?!

Bruce: ... That's not what I said.

Bruce explains that he figured it out because the locations were personal clues tied to their civilian identity. And how one was the alley where Jason stole his tires the first time. Damian laughs and thinks it's so cool. Dick also laughs and imitates a lecture Bruce probably gave him after that.

Overall, a real nice bonding moment for the boys.

EXCEPT TWO OF THEM ARE HUNG IN THE AIR.

Aaaanyway, Jason accuses Bruce that he kicked Jason out, leaving him with no family, when in reality, Jason left because Jason rather wanted to play video games than go on patrol and one day Bruce pulled the plug. Jason had enough of "Bat-rules and Bat-curfews" and got on his bike and said "I'm leaving". He waited for a response, didn't got one and left.

Present Jason then told Bruce that if he'd cared, he would have stopped him. So Bruce shows him that he got daily updates from his satellite on Jason's adventures and Jason lets his family go.

My guy, a SATELLITE doesn't replace your parental supervision.

[a-zalea-garden]

How do you feel about the pride comic so far? :D

I actually hadn't sat down to read it until I got this ask, but the snippets I'd seen were ADORABLE. I'm writing this as I read it for the first time:

pg. 1: "Hypnosis was so much easier" HE WOULD! And him rehearsing with Whisp is so sweet. I love that they tied her and their friendship into the story more; I kind of thought she was done for good. Valentine hitting his face on the locker is SUCH a diary thing, too. I don't know if it was meant to be a callback or anything, but that's what it reminded me of. And Whisp saying "good luck!" while Kier is half-dead on the floor is PRICELESS. I love that he's still trying to make amends with Drac though.

pg. 2: Him blurting everything at once and then stopping to be all ✨composed✨ is perfect. UGH but the accent. Kieran, dear, she knows you're Romanian. I like the call back, though, and if you really look into it, it's a reflex because he's embarrassed and panicked. I LOVE the cut between him saying "it's fine" and him absolutely panicking, all zoned-out. It's such a simple thing that's meant to be comedic but it really shows us how he thinks and how vulnerable he is in a world without his prestige.

pg. 3 BIG SPELLDON REVEAL DUN DUN DUUUUUN!!! I love the small details of his character design that bring him to life, like the rings on his fingers and the mole on his lip. and the necklaces <3. Valentine IMMEDIATELY crumpling the paper in his big dramatic moment is so silly. And spelldon ignoring it and just taking a rose. It's such an easy, domestic kind of moment. And they're both so pretty ugh the close ups. "Like my soul" ok princess val 🙄 and spelldon worried, "You still love draculaura?" I KNOW WHAT YOU ARE SPELLDON CAULDRONELLO

pg. 4: the moment of realization is priceless. Kieran is just in awe of this man. and Spelldon is just so enthusiastic about it (I love how he's just like 'this is dumb' but goes along with it anyway. Okay mr. malicious compliance). The height difference is also perfect to me. It makes sense that Spelldon is way taller because he's part (like 70% ish if I remember right from that time I did a pedigree) god. Casta's tall too isn't she? Valentine lost in his own little world ❤️ my little yapper.

pg. 5: Valentine trying to be over prepared, he's so me. And it's a nice (probably unintentional) callback to his diary where he says "better have it and not need it than need it and not have it." Spelldon's blunt humor is one of my favorite things ever. And him flattering Kieran about biteology >>> ugh they're so sweet. Val's facial expressions are so funny too he's so dramatic. Him trying to be humble and change the subject when Spelldon compliments him is so cute. AAAA they're so sweet.

pg. 6: Spelldon being all nonchalant while Val is literally falling over is so them. That is such a fun dynamic for them to have and I love it so much. I don't even know how to describe or "analyze" it because it just feels so naturally them that there's nothing to point out as "unusual." AAA Spelldon catching Val is such a sweet moment in the comic. Poor Val has his eyes closed, he can't even see Spell's face when it happens. And his hand is HOVERING over Val's back; he's not even touching him and he's blushing like that. I don't even think I need to mention the smirks (they're so precious)(Spells had an eyebrow slit this whole time and I just didn't see it??😭)

pg. 7: EEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAA Val you're going to give poor Spelldon a heart attack leave him alone. He's so dramatic clasping his hands like that. The mausoleum is really cute though, I approve. If I were a vengeful ghost, this would be my haunt (get it?). Spelldon having this whole plan thought out to get the ingredients when he's the one who thought it was a useless plan to start with 🤨 okay Spelldon we all see what you're doing. Especially since the whole plan is to get Val clinging to him. Scarah to the rescue!!! Not the return of the accent val STOP PLEASE. I'm glad they're talking about it, though. And he doesn't do it to spelldon 👀 because he's being himself with spelldon and doesn't feel the outside pressures to be someone else. He subconsciously knows that spelldon will accept who he is. Spelldon's face when Val admits that is priceless. BUT SPELLDON NOOOOOO WATCH OUT!

pg. 8: Val regretting the potion because he's in loooooove is so cute to see. "A couple thousand years" you want to spend a couple thousand years with your feelings for Spelldon awww. And he doesn't even act like he needs them to be reciprocated. Like, duh we all know what he's doing, but he never spells (pun unintentional but fully embraced) it out. The bracelet too from the Val's rose is a sweet little detail. Especially since they chose to give us THAT angle for that panel. They wanted us to see that in this moment. Valentine voicing his development is perfect. He really has grown and learned so much. SPELLDON WHAT?????? NOOOOO! and Val immediately regretting this whole thing because oh nooo Spelldon won't love him (🤨)

pg. 9: Okay Spelldon you trickster. "You really think i'd let you excise your emotions like that" (okay mom) "Yes? I asked you to!" Bro. That's super sweet though, he's been looking out for him this whole time, but couldn't just tell him no. Awww he wanted to spend time with him. AWWW VAL. I'm surprised Val didn't feel the love but maybe i've been reading his powers wrong. And then we have The Moment™ of course. Aww

pg. 10: Aw he and Drac made up. I'm glad they got closure from everything (the Pit Incident... and everything beforehand). WOAH val is so pretty, that turning panel??? Spelldon watching silently from the sidelines all proud. We have to remember that he met Spelldon BEFORE Whisp (and long before the two of them had their makeshift therapy sessions), and the day of the dance (where he failed his attempt to fix everything) from the original comics. He was still a mess then. He has been here since then, and got to see him grow. KIERAN VALENTINE FULL NAME RAHHHH COME OUT YE BLACK AND TANS COME OUT AND FIGHT ME LIKE A MAN🇮🇪💪i'm glad they're pushing that because so many people think Valentine is his full name, it's actually crazy. Whisp wanting to meet Spelldon 👀 I need to see that now too! And Val ignoring her to hold Spelldon's hands, he's so clingy. I guess he has been this entire time with his yapping. And they walk into the sunset!!!

THE END!!!

I don't know if I wrote WAYYY too much, but I wanted to make sure I gave my full reaction (because lets face it, we've been starved for a while. thats why I got into fanfic like three-ish years ago). The notes got progressively longer as I went 😭

All in all I absolutely adore the comic. It's such a sweet glimpse into Valentine's growth and development, and I'm so glad to finally have a real Spelldon. The entire thing is such a good slice-of-life story that just feels calm and domestic and unforced, like there is no antagonist or unneeded tension to force things along. It's just Spell and Val.

[aku-soul]

Another person post baebee! This time, my thoughts so far and what I think of the confidants I've unlocked!

Ren Amamiya: It's me! I'm the dude! I feel bad for him during the interrogations though...

Ryuji Sakamoto: Boyfriend #1, absolute malewife. I love this dude and his "FOR REAL?!" so much. Such a crime that he's not romanceable LET ME ROMANCE THE GUYS. Also the first confidant I maxed out after only like 3 months

Ann Takamaki: She sure exists. Definitely a character. On a more serious note, I hope her stuff works out for her.

Morgana: Catboy. I like how (english) he's voiced by sothis from Fire Emblem 3 Houses. I seriously do wonder what's up with him though, especially with the dreams he's been having recently...

Sojiro Sakura: Coffee dad and best dad. I love him so much. Currently grinding out my kindness just so I can get to level 7 and beyond for his confidant stat. (on 4 out of 5, wish me luck)

Igor: Long nose man, very mysterious. I'm like 75% sure he's dad from FE3H which is kinda weird but cool that I recognize the voice.

Yusuke Kitagawa: Boyfriend #2. God I love him so much. He's also voiced by Kuroh from K which is so freaking cool. Again, why can't we romance the guys. As an artist myself, I feel so bad for him being manipulated most of his life by someone he trusted...

Makoto Niijima: LETS GO MAKOTO GOOD JOB ON STEALING THE DATA YOU GO GIRL!! Girlboss, absolute girlboss. Screw the principal using her

Chihaya Mifune: Thanks for letting me up my kindess stat to level up easier. That's really all she's good for though. Before I got the game I had no clue she even existed. Screw her for costing 100k yen to start her confidant though.

The twins: SILENCE, INMATE! They're cool, I like the dynamic they have with them. I definitely feel like their babysitter whenever I take them places. Loved how they also got their own toy when we went to big bang burger.

Futaba Sakura: Gamer girl, also my sister. I haven't gotten far into her confidant line but I like how it ties into her mother. Once again, major sister vibes

Tae Takemi: Thanks for the medicine, but really that's about all I see her for. I do hope she gets to prove herself in the medical community though.

Sadayo Kawakami: SHUT THE FUCK UP STOP CALLING ME MASTER EW EW EW EW I REGRET STARTING YOUR CONFIDANT LINE SO MUCH TF YOU MEAN I CAN ROMANCE MY *TEACHER* BUT NOT THE GUYS??? SCREW YOU KAWAKAMI

Ichiko Ohya: You certainly exist. Uh huh, you definitely do. Honestly her confidant perks are kinda useless since I keep my palace security levels around 0% more often than not. Plus she just reads as a constantly drunk aunt.

Shinya Oda: Also never knew about him before starting this game. Gamer boy. Reads as a nephew who you sometimes hang out with. Other than that, not much thoughts

Hifumi Togo. Another one I never knew about before playing the game. I feel so bad about her mother using her... I wonder if we can change her mothers heart further into the storyline?

Yuuki Mishima: Definite little brother vibes. I like how we didn't change his heart, just let him change on his own. Also I hope his future book plans turn out well for him, he definitely deserves it.

Toranosuke Yoshida: Another one who exists. Not much opinion on him since I'm only on rank one since I don't care enough to level him up.

Sae Niijima: Mixed feelings about her, one on hand I think she's trying to help me, but on the other she threatened coffee dad, called makoto a burden... I probably hate her more than I like her honestly.

Kasumi Yoshizawa: Gymanstics girly. It's sad that her summer meets didn't go well, I hope she improves for the future. Also really sad news about her sister...

Takuto Maruki: Super good buffs, especially for the sp one. Reads as a shy uncle who really cares about his nephews and nieces. It sucks that he's a limited time only, but thankfully I'm at level 9. Hopefully I can reach level 10 on him soon.

Munehisa Iwai: Voiced by Jinshi from apothecary diaries, super cool. Reads as an uncle who pretends he doesn't care about his nieces and nephews, but in reality shows his affection through secretly taking them places, giving them stuff to do, and gifts. Kinda like "Hey, give this to your mom and then I'll take you out to the range". Very good uncle

Goro Akechi: Soon to be boyfriend #3, once Ryuji and Yusuke gain favorability of him. Also god why isn't he playable, I want Akechi on my team so bad so I can complete my guy harem.

This has been all my opinions on the confidants I've unlocked, have a good day everybody.

[wolfscarr]

Asmodean Crystals’ mere existence is the issue.

https://www.tumblr.com/wolfscarr/713871219805601793/helluva-boss-the-grimoire-useless-pointless?source=share

^ To see how the Grimoire is now really just a big PAPERWEIGHT and making Stolas a useless character as a result.

https://www.tumblr.com/wolfscarr/749044157770825728/helluva-broken-narrative-and-the-most-useless?source=share

^ The Broken Narrative.

Just a small bit here, but I’ve see some try to give an explanation as to why Blitz doesn’t just have an Asmodean Crystal and instead went with the Grimoire. The thing is, even if one of these explanations are true, it doesn’t fix anything. The mere existence of these crystals is the issue. Let’s look here for a moment.

1. “The Crystals are tied to whoever is using them.”

All in all this is a reasonable explanation, hence why Blitz didn’t just mug the incubus for his and forced him to open the portal in the latest episode. But if that’s the case, it just raises further questions. Like why doesn’t Blitz just hire someone with a crystal and do it that way? Let’s be real for a minute folks, you replace Loona as the receptionist with some just random Hellborn with a crystal and what changes other than Loona not being a receptionist?(Just make her part of the Assassin team) Nothing, because we don’t really see her do her job, in fact you can literally just make an offhand comment about this because they hardly ever show I.M.P going through portals anyway in the episode, except for a few times, but you never explicitly need to show what actually opens said portal or who opens it.

Or why can’t Blitz just hire someone to get a crystal for him and deliver it? Because apparently Stolas is going to Asmodeus for one, even though I don’t see why Asmodeus would want to give him one in the first place, considering he has his own means to get to Earth.

So then if it only ties to the User who first uses said Crystal, then all Blitz has to do is get someone who knows how to get one and boom. 

Also it’s logical for these random crystals to be tied to a user, but not an all powerful grimoire that anyone can use? Doesn’t make a whole lot of sense, but ok.

2. “The Crystals are hard to get.”

Are they really though? Consider for a moment that random back alley incubus had a Crystal and I doubt this person is anyone of importance to actually need one....this suggests that they wouldn’t be hard to obtain. Now for Blitz? It might be considering Fizzarolli, who more than likely told Asmodeus about what happened between them and thus, he wouldn’t get one. (Which also questions, why again would Asmodeus give Stolas one, given Stolas is seeing Blitz.)

But this just goes back to the 1st point, why Blitz can’t just hire someone or have someone get one for him? 

Also Barbie Wire, an imp out of rehab has one. Now sure you could say that perhaps she has a better relationship with Fizzarolli(considering all 3 of them grew up in the circus). But between 3 imps(Blitz, Moxxie n Millie) and a hellhound(Loona), they wouldn’t be able to figure out a way to get one in some form or fashion?

Even moreso folks, wouldn’t it be more interesting to see the first couple of Episodes of S1, in HOW I.M.P got the ball rolling? You could make these first few episodes in showing how these lowly imps and a hellhound, get access to this Crystal that enables them to run a successful company. This also would help with establishing worldbuilding and so forth. But no, instead it’s just....a sex deal.

Edit: Oh and lookiee here, at the end of the episode of Oops, Fizz says that Blitz has “earned a crystal” thanks to reconnecting/saving his life. Sure....yeah, so guess it’s not so hard if all Blitz had to do was reconnect with Fizzarolli. Stolas is a literally pointless character, if all Blitz had to do was reconnect with Fizz...which makes for a far better narrative!

Edit: Another thing, why is Stolas being the one to give Blitz the Crystal? Can’t Fizz or Ozzie just...you know, mail it to I.M.P.? Call up Blitz for it since they have his phone number? Or they can just send one of Ozzie’s servants to I.M.P, or Moxxie or Millie or Loona goes and gets it? Stolas is a useless character at this point, only being shoehorned in to do stuff, but he’s not needed for.

Conclusion

So you see the issue here. There isn’t any real explanation(not just these ones either, I just chose 2 randomly) to just allow these Crystals mere presence to NOT affect the story. The mere existence of them at all, is the issue here, especially when you could write something better as far as both worldbuilding and character building this way.

[huihuiheart]

Queen's Conch - Pirate! Ateez - 2 - Behind the SEAnes

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Ateez Masterlist

Queen’s Conch Masterlist

Pairing:  Pirate! Ateez x Fem! Reader

Genre: Angst, Fluff, Eventual Smut, Mystery and Thriller if you squint

Summary: The man who had been spending his time with you on the beach was not who he seemed to be. Not that you knew that of course. It simply meant things were not as simple as they appeared to be.

Warnings: Deep sea, spells, magic, violence in future chapters, smut in future chapters, cursing, very minor character death.

Word Count: 1138

Johnny knew he was fucked, more than fucked when you disappeared. Breaking into the breach house, staking out places, all sorts of things, hoping he was wrong. With a sigh he finally accepts the reality of the situation, going back to his home. Locking the doors up tightly and shutting all the blinds. He then pulled out a gold doubloon he had hidden in a drawer, it appeared that it hadn’t aged a day, flipping it into the air. By the time it has landed in his palm, he’s on a pirate ship, centuries in the past.

“Captain! Johnny is back!” Someone shouts from behind him, catching an older man’s attention.

The man is scuffed up from a hard life at sea and many battles. Someone most certainly not to be trifled with. Johnny gulping as he makes his way over to him. 

“You have news?” The captain asks, puffing smoke out in Johnny’s face.

“One of your descendants disappeared offshore. A young woman.” Johnny confesses, tensing as the captain grabs his collar harshly, jostling him around.

“You had one job! To keep my descendants in that time, where no one could get to them and you can’t even do that!” The captain yells at him before shoving him onto the deck, “Fucking useless!”

Johnny pales when the captain’s pistol is pointed at him, “Captain Lee, please.”

Johnny is nearly resorting to begging despite knowing that a quick death would be the captain’s only way of showing mercy.  He flinches when a gunshot goes off, only it’s followed by a thud and he’s untouched.  Looking up wide-eyed as Taeyong stands there his own firearm smoking as he stands over his father’s lifeless body.

“Johnny tell me about this woman who got through, and someone clean up this mess. Captain’s orders.” Taeyong barks out, leading Johnny to the captain’s quarters that he had just ‘acquired’. Johnny followed quickly behind to divulge everything he’d learned about you in the days that you were together. 

“Well.. at least we know where they are going. It just means we cannot blow them straight out of the water.” Taeyong sighs and Johnny’s brows furrowed. Not that he wanted you harmed, but they didn’t exactly have a reputation for caring about blood ties… or any kind of connections here. His curiosity led him to ask which had Taeyong laughing humorlessly, “Because if the bloodline ends the curse breaks, and who knows what would end the bloodline? I’m not about to risk it.”

“That does complicate things.” Johnny agrees, “In good news, I gifted her a little something, so once she’s close I’ll know it.”

Taeyong smirks, “Well done Johnny. Keep me updated and change our course. We need to go protect what is ours.”

Johnny nods, rushing out to obey the new captain’s orders. Eager to redeem himself and make a better name with Taeyong. Hoping to avoid more wrath from the Lee dynasty of pirates. Jumping on any task that Taeyong relayed. Including sending messages to the rest of the fleet. 

The other ships are moving to join the new captain either en route or at the destination. Taeyong intended to make it even more impossible to steal from him. Already knowing that he couldn’t expect anything to make Hongjoong or his crew back down.

“Johnny we need to make a stop on the way,” Taeyong calls, stomping his way up to the highest area of the deck. 

“Aye captain, where to?” Johnny asks, grip tightening on the rudder as he awaits the command.

“Siren’s cove.” Taeyong’s direction makes everyone freeze. Not having any desire to defy the captain’s orders, but also having no desire to get twisted in with sirens. Johnny isn’t about to risk vocalizing that though as he silently follows directions. Everyone breathes a sigh of relief when upon arrival Taeyong says he’ll go to the small inlet alone. The crew watches with bated breath as he lacks any hesitation, rowing himself to the sand and then walking into one of the caves.

As Taeyong walks deeper into the cave any siren who hisses or attempts to lure him is met with a harsh glare. The man soon reached the center of the cave system and bowed his head to the woman on the throne.

“It has been far too long Taeyong.” She says beaming at the man as she gets up to walk towards him.

“I wish my visit were under better circumstances though Mother,” Taeyong responds, basking in the attention his mother is giving to him.

“What’s wrong Taeyong? Did something happen?” His mother inquires, leading him to go sit with her.

“I killed father. He was about to ruin everything, so I killed him. It was too soon though… there's not enough in order.” Taeyong sighs, running a hand through his hair, “There’s another problem too… one of our descendants made it through to Hongjoong. A woman.”

“Oh? A woman? How intriguing.” His mother smirks at the thought, “What do you need from me?”

“Our troops will station with our treasure on the off chance that they break the curse, but if you could throw some more thing in the way to at least buy the fleet more time I would appreciate that.” Taeyong requests and his mother nods.

“That’s no problem son, leave that to me. Also this woman… do not worry too much about her. She might just be the final nail in Hongjoong’s coffin.” His mother assures him, “Just allow me time to think about that and set my eyes on her.”

Taeyong nods, “Thank you, mother. I’ll be sure to do my part in cleaning up this mess too.”

“You will do well my son, I am sure of it. Now go make me proud.” His mother says before dismissing him. Taeyong bowed before taking his leave. Returning back to his ship to continue on toward their final destination, the heart of their treasure. 

Something that had been acquired not simply by means of man’s power, but with sirens as well. Getting themselves both a source of food and also a collection of magical vices. As well as precious items, not that things of human value were their concern. They simply had what they did of that for the beauty of it. Taeyong’s mother is the one who welcomed them into this era of power in doing so. An empire she’d now have even more control over now that her son had killed his father. The only potential wrench is you being on Hongjoong’s ship. If you were their descendant though then it meant you had siren blood in you. Something that she knew there was a good chance she could use to destroy the crew of the Eternal. She just needed to know how much of their power-hungry spirit you had inherited.