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holysh1ft · 3 months ago

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NAVIGATING DOUBT when manifesting/shifting.

i’ve reached a pretty comfortable place when it comes to doubts, so i wanted to share a few things that have helped me actualize this mentality. please note i am not claiming these approaches are infallible. it's going to vary person to person and even moment to moment, but i know that sometimes, having a toolkit to fall back on can be helpful!

WHAT ARE DOUBTS? doubts are just you putting your awareness on what you don't want. like everything in existence, doubts are simply something you are/can be aware of—a cloud floating through the sky of awareness. now, i know they don't always feel like that, and i'll get to more on that in a second here, but first, let's establish that doubts are just something to be aware of, like everything else in existence.

DO DOUBTS AUTOMATICALLY "MANIFEST?" thoughts alone do not "manifest." if they did, every thought you've ever had would have materialized physically, and life would be chaos. what does make itself seen in physicality—from a free coffee to a whole new reality—is who you are conscious of being or, in other words, awareness plus identification. what do you ascribe to be true about you/reality?

this is why doubts can feel so "real." you're used to having your awareness on a self who doesn't get what they want, has to effort hard to receive very little, is unstable/unsafe, always fails at shifting/manifesting, or is otherwise lacking or incomplete in some way. so, when you have a thought that your desire won't manifest or you won't wake up in your DR, it feels real to you because it is real to/is in alignment with the self you've identified with.

HOW TO "DEAL WITH" DOUBTS. when you're in the mindset that your doubts are something you have deal with, fight, or eradicate, you create a hydra out of them—chop off one head and more appear. this is because you're putting your awareness on the self who has to fight doubts, and thus, more doubts arise (i.e., manifest) for you to fight.

in my experience of self, fighting has never gotten me anything other than exhaustion, be it mental or physical. the answer was always in softening. as the ancient one said to stephen strange, "you cannot beat a river into submission. you have to surrender to its current, and use its power as your own."

what does this look like with doubts? first, remember that doubts are just something to be aware of. they're entirely neutral until you give them power. as jesus said to pontius pilate, "you could have no power at all against me unless it had been given you from above." your doubts have no inherent power until you've given your power to them because you, your light of awareness, are the sole power in your individualized reality.

when i become aware that my awareness is on doubts, i often like to remind myself, "i remember when i was doubting if it would happen, and here it is. the doubts meant nothing." this helps me frame my doubts from the perspective of fulfillment.

of course, i also know that not all doubts can be easily dismissed. the way you navigate doubt is often dependent on how closely you've identified with them, and that's why i wrote the disclaimer at the beginning. if you feel so deeply stuck, my recommendation is to either:

find a way to self-soothe. take deep breaths. take a nap. listen to music. take a shower. do something that will help you get to a better emotional state. really, take care of yourself as best as you can with the resources you have immediately available to you. this too shall pass; these awful feelings won't last forever. be kind and gentle with yourself.

put your focus on anything else. watch a super engaging tv show, play a challenging video game, or learn calculus for all i care. just put your awareness on something else by completely consuming your focus with the new task at hand.

stop trying. this is the law of paradoxical intent: the harder you try toward something, the more difficult it can be to attain/the more separate you perceive yourself from your goal. instead of pushing against them, drop the trying and just let them be. don't resist your doubts. let them exist and yap like you would an annoying sibling, but you don't have to give them your attention and focus. honestly, you could even give your doubts a name and personify them as a way to de-identify from them and brush them off. "oh, that's just steve. steve is always worried about stuff that doesn't matter." obviously, if your name is steve (a) sorry and (b) name them something else. i also recommend naming the doubter after a character who worries about stuff that never comes to fruition.

when the storm passes through your awareness and you reach a state of greater emotional and mental clarity, choose again. affirm, visualize, script, decide, or whatever manifesting/shifting means to you. be it now. choose it now. decide it now. there's only one moment anyway. when the doubts are "in the past," they only exist in your awareness of what you prescribe the past to be. so, weather the storm, then choose your desired self when you're ready to.

YOUR DOUBTS CAN SERVE YOU. it can be easy to get caught up in the "dealing with doubts" narrative, that you can forget these doubts are just you. everything is you. so, if your doubts are you, they're actually showing you who are you, and there's a ton of information you can glean from them with a keen eye: study them.

get curious, open, and inquisitive, and try to observe the narrative these doubts are telling from an objective perspective. this can be an incredibly beneficial process because it can bring some unconscious assumptions up to the light of your conscious awareness, thus empowering you to shift your assumptions at the root instead of trying to brute force yourself into a better state. if your doubts keep telling the same story over and over again, what are they revealing to you about what you fundamentally believe about yourself?

people in this community can rush to deny doubts so damn fast, but if it's a persistent challenge "dealing with them," then i really do implore people to get self-reflective. i was able to radically shift my consciousness around a few areas of my life when i realized my doubts were a product of an underlying assumption that i wasn't safe in this world, and when i brought that underlying assumption to the surface of my conscious awareness, i was empowered with the opportunity to choose a new narrative: i am safe, i am secure, i am provided for, and i am safe in my body. now, doubts that were formerly connected to this old story don't pester me as much, both in frequency and intensity.

i also started seeing my doubts as fulfillment. you don't know you were on the bridge of incidents until you get to the end. there were times when i would have this nagging anxiety about something, i would get up and take action because i was a ball of jittery energy, only to find out retrospectively that that was the thing that would lead me to exactly what i wanted. i started doubting my doubts less after this happened a couple times, tbh, and i really just let them be what they are, while putting my greater trust in total fulfillment.

YOU ARE NOT YOUR DOUBTS. your doubts are just passing through your awareness, the true you. if manifesting/shifting is a matter of awareness and identification, navigating doubts is just the opposite: reducing the presence of doubts in your awareness by putting your awareness on what you want over what you don't want and de-identifying with the self who is not fulfilled.

doubts are not permanent, but you are eternal. they have no power over you and neither are you a victim to them. let them be. let them pass. and continue to remind yourself: it's already done. it's already yours. everything is already perfect, including you. you are perfect, and you have always been perfect. it's just a matter of remembering the perfection you already are.

#j's masterlist.#law of assumption #loassumption #loa tumblr #loablr #manifesation #manifestation motivation #manifestation tips #reality shifting #shifting community #shifting blog #shiftblr #shifting tips

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marielle555 · 2 months ago

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The UA path is my heaviest gaming experience.

I want to say right away, that I'm not trying to belittle anyone else's gaming experience or impose my point of view on anyone else about what's going on in the game. Neither am I trying to criticize the game BG3 as such (after all, in order to love the game, it is not necessary to use in your playthroughs all the opportunities provided by the game, and the fact that some variants of the playthrough may be hard for my perception and I do not want to use them in my main playthroughs, does not diminish my love for the game as long as other options are possible). In this post, I want to share my personal experience of passing on the so-called “good” route of Astarion and do my own analysis of what happens to him in this case.

I love to play RPG games with full immersion, imagining myself in the character's place, and the first playthrough should be blind, without spoilers, so as not to spoil the impression. In the case of BG3, unfortunately, it was not possible to completely protect myself from outside information, because even a banal search for screenshots with Astarion led to the fact that the eye somehow clung to arguments about how bad and scary it will be to help him Ascend and “you will lose him”. The specific torment with Astarion began with a phrase in the diary that appears after completing his personal quest (if you talk him out of the ritual): “Astarion's fate is sealed. He will be a vampire spawn for the rest of his days.” Astarion himself also talks about never seeing the sun again. The desire to play through the game without spoilers no longer mattered after that, and I found detailed descriptions with companions' lines and Tav's behavior, videos of Astarion's “good” ending (without the Ascension). It was during patch 4 and it was the ending, which just nullified the entire game for me, an ending I would never want to see in my playthrough. For me, as a player, who really loved Astarion, who had this character became the center of the entire game world, all the former sincere love and admiration for the world of Baldur at that moment simply changed to hatred for all the others that will enjoy life and see the sun. The rest of the plot was not important, it didn't matter what was going on around, other companions and all these side quests, what difference did it make, what happens next, if it all ends up like this.

And although before that I had accidentally learned about Astarion after reading one of the articles in a game magazine, that he turns down a lot of people at a party, I did not read any guides on principle, I wanted realistic roleplay without hints. And there were no problems with the romance, despite all the initial prickliness and regular disapproval, Astarion suddenly wowed me by asking me for a date even before any party, when I was even totally not expecting it. It was simply amazing. And the sea of tenderness and love that comes over me after the confession scene in the second act is hard to describe. It feels like you're holding his wounded heart in your hands, holding it as gently as you can, and there's nothing more precious in the whole world than that. And I'm going to go drinking with these idiots in a tavern in the finale, celebrating some sort of “victory,” while Astarion burns? Astarion in this ending looked like some kind of outcast, an object to be bullied, he's cheated, he's in pain, and he's forced to flee again, hiding from the sun. Is such a world even worth fighting for? Hardly. Well, of course, I also read all sorts of “horror stories” about Ascension: “Astarion becomes an abuser”, “Astarion will never respect you again” and similar nonsense. Just giving up on the game was hindered by the feeling that by doing so I was still betraying Astarion, leaving him a spawn. I decided, against all the “scaremongering” to Ascend Astarion, bring him to an adequate ending and call it a day. What a wonderful reward I received for that and what a wonderful happy playthrough I had is a separate story, a story that is still ongoing.

Of course, for the sake of understanding Astarion's character and compiling a complete picture, it's necessary to go through the game both ways, and I later decided to explore the UA path, without roleplay, but with attention to Astarion and his scenes, to understand what he's feeling along this route and how “good” it really is for him.

The scene of the abandonment of the ritual. It is not infrequently written that Astarion experiences “catharsis.” Where do we see catharsis? Yes, the very opportunity to take revenge on his tormentor, when Astarion stabs Cazador multiple times - this is catharsis, but after Astarion realizes that he has to give up the dream of becoming alive again, no purification or liberation occurs as a result. Next we see tears and cries of pain followed by a depressed state.

His tears in the scene of refusing the ritual are the most bitter, a grimace of real pain on his face.

Then there is doom and a kind of detachment, exhaustion…

It's the face of a doomed man. It is the face of a man who is depressed, a man who has resigned himself to the fact that he has nothing more to want and that nothing good awaits him, and he realizes it. There is no more hope. Astarion has cried his tears and now he humbles himself. Humbling himself and adjusting and this “new way” is not what he wanted. Astarion cries if he doesn't ascend, not only when the pain and grief of what has been taken from him hits him, but also the realization that there is nothing to get back, the realization of the future that awaits him. If you fail the persuasion check needed to get him to give up the ritual, Astarion will make it very clear why he doesn't want that life.

It is also interesting to note the moment when Astarion first met the Gur's after the death of Cazador.

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“It is noteworthy how Spawn seems to say compassionate things that "saved Ulma from having to kill her children themselves," and then when he realized that his trick had worked, he abruptly changes his face and smiles slyly and says with relief, "You will stop following me, right?" I interpret this as "I'll say anything as long as you stop hunting me."

To me, it's a clear demonstration that he continues to wear a mask and says things to protect himself, not because he really feels for Ulma. And we must not forget that Astarion hates the Gur's, because they almost killed him and because of them he ended up in slavery. Therefore, it is reasonable that he wants to destroy them when he gets the chance.” © channel author AlexKhodja

Depression (or pain, suffering, doom, in general, the morbidly depressive emotional spectrum) is also evident in the scenes that follow.

The scene after the ritual (responding to Tav's line “I'm proud of you…”).

Astarion: “I’m glad you think so, because I’m not so sure. I just feel numb.”

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And the voice and expression in which Astarion says: “I want to feel alive again.”

And how different that is from his “I feel alive, hahaha!”

Time 10.46

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Also Astarion's line in the dialogue after: "I should probably start getting used to the shadows again. Who knows how long I have left in the sun?"

I can't help but think of how Astarion meets the dawn in the Act 1 scene, after a first night with him.

In this interesting video (combining the Astarion Origin version with the Astarion companion version in the meeting scene with Dalyria and Petras in the flophouse)

Time 4.09.

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Response to Tav: "You did the right thing, stopping the Black Mass."

“I know. That doesn’t mean it stings any less”.

Tav: “And if it is? Can you live with what?”

"I'll have to. But that doesn't mean I have to like it."

When Astarion says: “Someone who could break the cycle of power and terror…” he makes a gesture with his hand, as if trying to find the best words, to think of what to say next, before continuing: “… that started centuries ago.”

It's so artificial, and… When has Astarion ever expressed himself like that once throughout the game?

In response to Tav's line, "I wasn't sure if you'd stop the ritual or not, honestly." Astarion replies more sincerely, "I am - well, not 'happy' with how things turned out. But this does feel right."

The scene in the graveyard is sad, though it touches the heart. It was sad to hear him retort, “You were patient.” It sounds kind of self-deprecating, as if one had to “be patient” with Astarion, as if one couldn't love him unconditionally for what he is, as if one couldn't love all the manifestations of his lively and vivid character and be happy to have him around. And about the “objectively stupid thing to do” is also very sad to hear.

Also for Astarion, Tav has a pretty nasty line in this scene, “Then don't mess it up,” and the bitter part is that if you check it, Astarion will respond:

He accepts it. He accepts that attitude. He will endeavor to please. That kind of captures the whole essence of this “arch of redemption.”

And an even nastier line: “That sounds very sincere. Are you sure the parasite hasn’t chewed through your brain?”

And Astarion just lets him be treated that way:

Well, in this scene at least, not all lines for the player are bad. 1 adequate (“You won't. Whatever comes next. I've got you.”) to 2 bad lines. All-in-all, 1 is much better than 0, there's an opportunity for choice. But Astarion… Astarion thinks he deserves to be treated the way Tav treats him in the other 2, toxic lines. Where do we have “equal relationship” here? If the developers wanted to show AA “toxic” in such a way that the player would believe it, they should have just given him those two lines about “don't mess it up” and “parasite hasn't chewed through your brain” and not had to take away the player's agency, instead keep the agency, allow for the opportunity for loving roleplay and so that AA in that moment, when Tav opened their soul to him, would share an innermost, painful thing, like Astarion before in the graveyard scene, would tell them that or something similar. But that would require rewriting the whole character. But that's how you can treat him in a “healthy” and “equal” relationship.

“I'm still nothing, aren't I? Just an expandable frail spawn who will burn to a crisp soon enough.”

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Yes, that line refers to the moment, when Tav betrays him, betrays everything they promised before, Tav wants to use his body, forcing Astarion to take on an astral tadpole, to do what is against his will. But Astarion will never say or think that about himself, when he Ascended and stopped being a “frail spawn” forever. Astarion thinks of himself that way, feels that way, and it's not just in relation to the tadpole. And the “will burn to a crisp soon enough” part - that part has nothing to do with this particular moment, when Tav betrays him, it seems like something he's been thinking about, something that's been eating away at him, and just now, at this particular moment, it came out of his mouth, even if it came out because Tav betrayed him. And sure, Tav's betrayal hurts him, but he's clearly thought about it before this moment. If he hadn't thought about it before, his words would have sounded different, at least they wouldn't have hinted at the bitter ending that would await him.

Left as a frail spawn, Astarion is forever locked into his mask, adjusting and behaving as he is “supposed” to, he keeps on pretending, he doesn't try to show his real self, his insecurity is solidified and expressed by clinging to Tav, as the only person who has been kind to him, and showing himself as Tav wants him to be. “Astarion's spawn is theater (with all the masks, lies and deception still included)” Neil.

When I played with UA, I felt a deep love for him, but with a strong dash of pain. I can't call that kind of relationship “healthy”. “Patience”… It really takes patience to follow this story through to the end. If in reality my loved one suddenly changed behavior from Astarion's playful behavior in Act 2 to UA's behavior, where there is a distinct sense of depression, I would sound the alarm and clearly would not consider it “good” or “normal”. And the way Astarion himself defines this relationship, the only line is, “Nothing special, of course…” Yes, it's a joke, but in that joke you can sense some degree of passive aggression, maybe resentment and doom. And afterward, he only talks about “care,” not love. “Care” is certainly a part of love, but it is only one of the "bricks'" it is less than '“love”, especially eternal love. “How could I say no?” - Okay in Act 2, when Astarion is just starting to trust and open up, but when the relationship seems to be already serious? The hug in the epilogue looks like a friendly hug, not a romantic one, and nowhere near as deep and touching as the hug in the confession scene of Act 2. And overall, compared to Ascended Astarion, there is a certain sense of detachment. Not a fake “glass barrier”, as in the game with AA without mods, when you can see from one look at him how Astarion reaches out to you, but, alas, there are no appropriate lines or actions for Tav, and, unfortunately, there can be a certain annoyance, that you play a game, where there are 'threesomes', brothels, bestiality, different variants of cheating, but there is no opportunity to just hug or kiss normally, or at least say: “I love you” to the dearest person. It's a sense of distance of a different kind - coming from Astarion himself. He has closed himself off. And it's as if he's fading. His other lines and facial expressions are devoid of their former playfulness, and some have overly sweet, unnaturally sweet intonations.

And the kind of roleplay that is possible in this relationship, how do I even play that? Tav concretely doesn't care about Astarion's condition. Not a single attempt to find not that healing, not even some kind of artifact to protect him from the sun. Tav is calmly going about their other, “more important” business and “having fun”. The scene at the docks is the apotheosis and culmination of the epitome of the worst partner behavior example in a relationship. Tav doesn't give a damn about Astarion concretely. The truest neglect. Our character will act as if they're fine with everything. Of course this is not a rebuke to the players, the players have no choice outside of the scenario, I myself have a scene consisting of exclusively negative lines and I'm scripted to be a submissive, if played without mods, the problems with roleplay and violation of player agency are present to some degree in both routes. I just don't know how to play with the UA with roleplay, I can think of a “good ” Tav, who feels sorry for all the spawns and wants to talk him out of it, but I can't think of a character, who agrees to behave the way Tav behaves in the scenario, it's just beyond. Astarion expects Tav to abandon him, he doesn't believe them until the end, he says so in the epilogue. Tav shows complete indifference to Astarion (I don't mean the player, I mean the kind of roleplay the game allows). On Tav's part - neglect, manipulation, ignoring his needs and his pain. Going to “celebrate victory” while he, burned, sits curled up behind crates at the docks.

What happens to him at this point can be seen in more detail in the scene at the docks of Astarion Origins.

Hidden Astarion ending cutscene for origin

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In the epilogue without a relationship or after a breakup, he says that he now owns his own destiny, and when he finds a way to walk in the sun, he will not miss it now, nothing and no one will stop him. And these are important words, the ritual was really important to him.

«That being said, I haven't completely given up on returning to the sun. If the opportunity presented itself - well, I wouldn't say no...»

«Every day I yearned for the sun and mourned my curse to live in the shadows”.

«I've been exploring the world, looking for anything that will let me walk in the sun again”.

Also in the non-romantic epilogue we can see how Astarion was truly robbed at the moment of this “collective triumph”: “I felt… ashamed. Like I'd lost everything, just as you claimed your victory. I didn't want you to see me like that.”

And here's the look on his face after Astarion says:

“I did at first, but then I realised - these shadows, this darkness - it's all part of me.”

And just after this line, Astarion continues, “I spent too long defined by what other people did to me. The choices other people made for me - but that's over now.” Choices have been made for him, but now that he is free, he will no longer miss any opportunity, should one present itself to him. I think UA is even better off alone than with Tav, judging by the un-ascended epilogue. Even though it's much more bitter than romantic, in it Astarion says he won't miss his chance again if he ever gets one, and he finds a use for his abilities. And he won't have to endeavor or please anyone else.

This is of course my point of view, based largely on empathy, but I think real acting is precisely about conveying through facial expressions, voice, movements the feelings of the character and letting the viewer/player feel it. Where the authors managed to realistically and genuinely make me feel bad is in the UA route. But I don't see that as a minus - I appreciated the plot, and I can see my own sense in it, though in the future I won't ever choose it and would rather have a happy playthrough with the Ascended Astarion. But it's realistic, the game makes me think about what I'm doing, like in a good DnD with a harsh DM, when you can't just run around, do all the quests, help everyone, be “good” and get bonuses for it. It's necessary to act as one would act as a character, who lives in this world. Ascension is Astarion's path, it's what he wants, it's his only chance. If I didn't let him do it, if I left him as a spawn, didn't help him, why should I feel good about it afterwards? I have nothing against “good” roleplay, when some of ones moral principles are more important, it's just not definitely not my thing. I won't sacrifice a loved one for someone else's principles, “messages”, “narratives” or whatever. I don't play games for the sake of suffering, helplessness and pain. After all, if Tav and Astarion died somewhere along the way, Cazador would ascend and kill all those spawns. Astarion owed nothing to this world. The world has given him nothing but pain, contempt and rejection, why should he owe them all?

Humility - yes, that's how the UA path feels, and I can't imagine my character would give a loved one that rather than love, the joys of life and accepting them for who they are.

#Youtube #astarion bg3 #astarion #bg3 astarion #bg3 #baldurs gate 3 #baldurs gate #baldurs gate 3 astarion #astarion ancunin #my analysis #ascended astarion #spawn astarion

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preppyacademy · 4 months ago

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Breaking and Remaking : No Thoughts, Only Obedience

Kyle or Prescott's story

Kyle was in his senior year of high school and part of the football team. Academics were secondary for him—it was sports in the morning, sports at noon, and sports in the evening. He hoped to earn a scholarship by being one of the top athletes in his school. Unfortunately, Kyle always acted before thinking, which sometimes led to avoidable accidents.

One game night in early November, his team faced an opposing high school team. Kyle, prone to arrogance, didn’t warm up much, believing he didn’t need to—after all, he was one of the strongest players. His team was scoring well, but in the final decisive minutes, time seemed to slow down. Rain had started to fall, making the field slick. As he caught the ball mid-air, Kyle slipped on the wet grass and crashed violently to the ground before being tackled by several other players. His teammates, still in action, grabbed the ball and scored, securing victory.

As for Kyle, he ended the night in the hospital. His team won, but his medical results were far from victorious. A fractured collarbone, six to twelve weeks of recovery, immobilization, and rehabilitation. He was told he had to remain bedridden for weeks before he could even move.

Kyle had no choice. The hospital that admitted him had to transfer him to a specialized rehabilitation center, located six hours away but renowned as one of the best. His family spared no expense, wanting only the best care for him.

Upon arriving at the hospital, Kyle felt well received. He quickly noticed that most of the staff were male, which struck him as unusual. He was assigned to Dr. Pritchard.

Dr. Pritchard: "You’ll be well taken care of here. You’ll be staying with us for at least six weeks, possibly ten if your condition doesn’t improve. I hope we’ll get along well."

Kyle: "I hope so too."

The first few nights, Kyle struggled to sleep. The feeling of being far from home and his friends weighed heavily on him. Moreover, a low, constant noise resonated throughout his room—a repeating frequency that played over and over. The following nights were the same, but Kyle gradually became accustomed to the sound.

Dr. Pritchard: "I know time may feel slow, but here, rehabilitation is not just about physical recovery—it’s also about relaxing your mind and body. From now on, no more phone screens. We took yours last night. You need rest and must adapt to our institution’s methods."

Kyle was furious but couldn’t fight back—his body was in too much pain, forcing him to comply with the medical staff’s instructions. How was he supposed to survive weeks without his phone?

Dr. Pritchard: "When you wake up, the screens in your room will display relaxation and meditation videos. Follow them, and you’ll see—time will pass much more quickly here."

The next morning marked the beginning of Kyle’s first session with the videos. They consisted of breathing techniques and mantras to repeat. A spiral accompanied the voice-over, guiding him through the instructions.

Kyle, repeating the words: "I feel good, my body is relaxed, I let myself be carried by the waves, my mind sinks deeper into the abyss, I feel calm, every word I hear is a new way of thinking to embrace, to listen, and to learn."

Each day, Kyle was captivated—hypnotized—by these screens, which seemed to absorb his attention completely. Slowly, his thoughts began to change, and time passed in a rhythm dictated by the spiral and the mantras. Over time, the words evolved into something else.

Kyle, repeating the words: "I feel good, I am happy, my body is relaxed, my mind sinks deeper into the abyss. I am obedient, I listen to what I am told, I must act as I am instructed, I feel calm, I love to obey, I want to learn to obey."

As the days and weeks passed, Kyle healed not only physically but mentally as well, thanks to the soothing words of the spiral. His mind was gradually shaped into a model of perfection, discipline, and obedience.

Kyle: "I wish to submit to the orders of superior men, I wish to obey them, I wish to be submissive. I wish to be submissive. I wish to be submissive."

Dr. Pritchard: "Good boy. You have found true relaxation within your body."

Like a machine executing programmed instructions, Kyle regained mobility in his body. His absolute obedience, now stripped of all arrogance and rebellion, made rehabilitation much easier.

Then, the final week of his stay arrived. Kyle sat on his bed, staring into the distance, still repeating the obedience mantra.

Kyle: "I listen, I obey, I serve. My will is that of the Academy. To doubt is to fail. To resist is to fall. Order is my truth, obedience is my virtue. I bend, I disappear, I become. Every command is an honor, every task a privilege. I do not need to think—only to answer: Yes, Sir."

Dr. Pritchard: "Good boy, you make me proud. You’ve done well in your exercises, and now, after ten weeks, your time with us has come to an end. Unfortunately, we must make room for new arrivals like you."

Kyle: "Yes, Sir."

Dr. Pritchard: "As you say—'your will is that of the Academy.' Your mind has been shaped for the Academy—the Preppy Academy, to be precise. Would you like to join the Academy, my boy?"

Kyle: "Yes, Sir."

Dr. Pritchard: "You no longer wish to return to your old high school, correct?"

Kyle: "Yes, Sir."

Dr. Pritchard: "You will remain a good boy—obedient and disciplined?"

Kyle: "Yes, Sir."

Dr. Pritchard: "We will now relieve you of these hospital clothes—you no longer need them."

Dr. Pritchard placed a harmonization device over Kyle’s head. It resembled a large lamp with a metallic tube beneath it, sending electric signals into the subject’s brain. He activated it while Kyle continued to chant his desire to obey.

Kyle remained immobilized, paralyzed by the machine—unable to move of his own will. In his mind, the words "Obedience," "Submission," "Discipline" flashed over and over again.

Two nurses arrived, cut off Kyle's clothes and stripped him naked. Dr. Pritchard pulled a chastity cage from a drawer and locked Kyle's penis in it. He locked the cage and gave the key to a nurse, who left with it.

Dr. Pritchard: "You'll learn that your sex is no longer of any use to you; it belongs to the Academy. You only need it to urinate, because that's a natural need. But to urinate, you'll have to ask permission. If you feel pleasure, your penis, now the size of a phalanx, will be compressed, you'll feel pain and you'll learn to live with pain. Pain is a gift to be cherished, the very essence of a good Preppy Academy student. The more time passes, the more you won't even feel it anymore, you'll get used to what you've become."

Kyle: "Yes, Sir."

Kyle did not flinch. Who he had been just weeks ago had disappeared into the abyss of his mind. Sometimes, though rarely now, he could hear a faint inner voice telling him this wasn’t him, urging him to fight. But that voice was slowly drowning beneath the waves of his consciousness.

Dr. Pritchard: "Now, we will dress you. You haven't learned this here yet, but you will soon understand that being a good boy means being elegant at all times. Appearance is an extension of your obedience. It’s not about having style—it’s about proving your submission through every detail of your attire. Dressing preppy is fundamental. It is a duty, not a choice."

Kyle: "Yes, Sir."

Kyle was dressed from head to toe, like a boy being sent off to school. A neatly pressed, button-down plaid white shirt, tucked into light khaki shorts held up by thick brown suspenders. Long white socks and polished black loafers completed the outfit, along with a large, subtly checkered bow tie.

When Dr. Pritchard tied the bow tie around Kyle’s neck, Kyle opened his mouth—not in surprise, but as if this attire had been meant for him all along, as if the relaxation of feeling truly himself in this clothing had loosened his jaw. His body and mind understood: he was meant to be a good preppy boy.

Dr. Pritchard: "That’s a good boy."

By late morning, Kyle was transferred to the Preppy Academy, placed in a class appropriate for his age. He was quickly integrated among other students eager to learn submission, obedience, and discipline.

He embraced the academy’s dress code without hesitation, developing a particular fondness for plaid patterns—the very motif Dr. Pritchard had introduced him to. In time, the administration and Kyle himself sent a letter to his family, informing them of his transfer and his wish to continue his education at the Preppy Academy.

Kyle’s father had heard of the institution through a friend whose son had returned home completely transformed—eventually becoming the family’s butler. Pleased with the results, and reassured that this was Kyle’s own request, his parents placed their trust in him.

Dr. Pritchard frequently visited the Academy to check on Kyle. Over time, he began calling him Prescott—his middle name—which suited him far better and carried a more refined sound.

Dr. Pritchard became Master to Prescott, who, with the Academy’s approval, would come to serve him every weekend—submissive and obedient. For example, he offered him his mouth to be filled with the doctor's cock from times to times.

Dr. Pritchard decided how Prescott should dress. He had even noticed during Prescott’s hospitalization that he often squinted from staring at the spiral for too long. As a result, he gifted him a pair of elegant glasses—enhancing his preppy and exemplary style even further.

Far from the field, far from his arrogance, Prescott had become a good boy. He could thank the Preppy Academy for that.

Who’s next?

#preppyacademy #preppification #preppy #preppyboys #ivy league #boardingschool #obediance #obedient #fromjocktopreppy #mind control #brainwashing

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askmrtorgue · 2 years ago

Text

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piccolos-bigtoe · 10 months ago

Text

I’m not really sure,,, how I feel about this to be honest,, but I’m trying new things and that’s what’s important. This isn’t explicitly my sniperscout wildwest thing I surpose but I drew it with that in mind. I have the draft for like the first part halfway thru, all I gotta do is finish it then edit it. I’ll probably post some of my notes here of it sometime.

I fr went so hard on the characterization notes,, I’m proud of myself. I’m gonna draw tomorrow probably and try and do their references and notes and stuffs maybe.

This drawing kind of looks a little sad, I think, but don’t worry scouts not actually sad. The way thag I imagine scout is that he is like, very loud and opinionated on everything, even things he knows nothing about, and is usually pretty ‘honest’ about what he thinks (sometimes the annoying “brutally honest” way where it’s not so much honesty ws it is being an asshole), unless it comes to himself. Like when it comes to himself he’d sort of be a liar, whether it’s how he feels or stuff he’s done because even if he wouldn’t ever admit it he REALLY cares about what people think about him… unconventional emotions get hidden with either smugness or anger, and he boosts his ego with stupid lies about feats he’s pulled. He’s like the kind of guy that talks and jokes a lot as an attempt to hide his feelings woah emo…. 🖤

In contrast Sniper to me would be the type of guy that doesn’t really have a lot to say, but he is truly an honest person about himself and what he feels when he does speak, he’s never been one for socializing so he learned to not really care about how others perceive him to a huge extent. He wears his heart on his sleeve almost but like in a more quiet sort of way. Okay,,, I’m ending my rambling I’m getting really sleepy

I’ve never been a huge opposites attract fan to be honest, but I think the way I set up sniper and scout in my mind works for me.

I’ve been in an art rut lately but I think I am coming out of it, I hope, I took a few days break to like, play video games and read and i think it helped,, I finished my first run of Fallout New Vegas a bit ago (NCR ending), and started a new one. I got a multiple companions mod (the JIP one that adds like, a different interface) and it’s pretty cool. I’m rocking with Boone and Veronica and Arcade and Cass and EDE. I’m debating on who to send to stay back at the lucky 38 cause I feel like I have too many people in my group.. Urgh I like them all though…. Boone is my ride or die fr though.. he stays for sure. Same with EDE.

I played it on very hard + hardcore mode expecting some new game + stuff but all I got was this stupid achievement.. boooo. Whagever it’s okau. I had fun.

#tf2 #team fortress 2 #my art #tf2 sniper #tf2 scout #tf2 fanart #sniperscout #speeding bullet

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andhumanslovedstories · 2 months ago

Note

Writing prompt: death wants to retire

Thanks for the prompt! This sentence is a link to a video where you can watch me write it in real time!

I thought it'd be fun to record myself writing. Partially to keep myself focused, partially because I watch a lot of people play video games for background sound and I was like, "I can do that but nerdier," and partially because I thought other people might like writing along. We can all do one big asynchronous writing sprint together. It's available for free over on the Cracked Spines patreon, which seemed like the least intimidating way to post a 45 min video of me, alone, doing a creative work. It's like a lofi ASMR video. I talk very softly. I cannot stress how asleep everyone else in the house was while I did this.

I wrote the story below in about fifty mins. I wrote most of it by hand in thirty minutes. That's the video. Then I typed up what I wrote here, did some minor edits, and then actually tried to reach any conclusion. The ** below marks where the writing originally ended. I tried to stay true to the idea of free-writing by hand, so I just put down words and powered ahead.

First there was nothing. Then there was something. Then there was Brittany. In the name of efficiency, I am skipping over a few eons between my creation and Brittany's.

She wasn't a bad person. People who believe certain people should die young wouldn't have said she deserved such a fate. No one deserves anything. I am not a matter of morality. A quick survey of any tragedy will tell you such, and there has never been any shortage of tragedy to study.

She died in her bathroom. A lot of people die in the bathroom. That sounds undignified to those who care about such things, but I personally find the concept of dying at all anywhere from anything mortifying. It has never seemed to make much a difference what room of your house sees your end. Still, we must cater (or at least, I occasionally chose to cater) to the tender sensitivities of mortals. Especially those who have just learned how mortal they are.

"Can I please just pull up my pants?" what remained of Brittany asked me. The container than had once enclosed her was slumped face-down on the tile floor. The position looked like it would feel uncomfortable if the body had the capacity to feel.

"No," I said.

"Please?"

"It's not a matter of permission. I have no power to affect the physical world. Neither do you."

Brittany bent down and passed her hand through her corpse a few times. Humans never just believe you. "What if my unfinished business leads me to become a ghost? Do I get ghost powers? Can ghost powers do anything here?"

"There is not such thing as ghosts."

For the first time since I informed her that she was dead, Brittany looked surprised. "Then what am I right now?"

"A soul."

"How is that different from a ghost?"

"The idea of a ghost is that after a person has left their body, something of them remains behind."

"Which I am, right now," she said.

"You're not. I am getting you. After this, I will take you. There can never be such a thing as a ghost because I do my job."

"Every time?" she asked.

"Always."

"What about everyone else who died at the same time I did?"

"I am talking with them as well." I paused. "Most of them have already moved on."

"Sorry that my death is slowing you down." She did not sound sorry. Humans say things like that sometimes.

"It is not. Nothing slows me. Nothing stops me. This moment between us will never be longer than a moment."

Through force of habit, Brittany tried to check her phone. Because the habit was so deeply ingrained, she succeeded. Now separate from the imposed frame of the physical world, everything she was and had right now was whatever her mind could conceive it to be. "When did I die?" she asked, looking at the clock.

"You didn't at the precise moment that we are talking. You will never get another moment."

She kept looking down at her phone, though she didn't seem to see it. "I guess that's okay," she said at last. "Who wants to see their roommate find their dead body? God, do you think she'll even be sad?"

Insomuch as I can, my form being what it is, I shrugged. I did not have experience with aftermath. By definition, by the time it arrives, I am gone. "Come," I said.

"Hmm," she replied. "What if--hear me out--what if--"

"There is nothing you can do to rearrange your corpse."

"That's not what I'm asking."

I knew that. She was making her boring request. I received it more often than a human mind can conceive, and each time the person requesting it thought they might be the exception.

"No," I said.

"C'mon."

"Compelling argument."

"I'm not saying forever!" Brittany protested. "Just--not right now. A little more time."

"You may remain in this moment for as long as you see fit," I said. "Then, you will go."

"Do you stay with me the whole time?"

"Yes."

Brittany made an expression that a less detached manifestation of the universe might have found insulting. "So I can spend forever in this exact unchanging moment in time, stuck in the bathroom where I died on the toilet, with the Angel of Death who keeps tapping their foot and checking their watch."

Reader, I possess neither feet for a watch. This is one of the many ways in which Brittany Park misrepresented the situation.

"You are dead," I reminded her.

"But I don't want to be!" She threw up her hands. They were already less hand-shaped than they'd been when we'd first started talking. She was forgetting the shape she used to inhabit. It would not be long now.

"Please," she asked.

**There is no construct in all of creation that has been pleaded to more than I. Once--when I was just formed and new to the concept of myself, when the something that came out of the nothing had just realized that everything eventually ended--begging affected me more. You cannot let such appeals hold sway. As I told Brittany, this was not a matter of permission. She was asking gravity to not pull her down to earth. If gravity felt guilt, what use did that serve anyone?

"No one escapes death but Death," I told her.

She brightened up suddenly. "Okay! Then how do I become Death?"

No time passed in the forever moment we inhabited. If time had passed, you could have said there was an inordinately long pause that followed this statement.

"I am Death," I reminded her.

"Sure," Brittany said flippantly. "But like, forever?"

She completed the dying process shortly after this conversation. It was inevitable. Liquid water does not hold its shape when the vessel that contained it breaks. When she forgot herself entirely, when she could no longer conceive of the division between that which was her and that which was everything else, I swept her gently into my coin purse. Across the world, across the universe, across a vast endlessness that ate even now at the nothingness from which everything had emerged, I performed the same function for uncountable organisms on every scale of existence. I reaped a microbe. I reaped a star. I reaped Brittany. And the work continued, unchanged, as it had been unchanged since the beginning, as I had been unchanged since the distant agony of my first death, when I decided what I did could never again be allowed to hurt so deeply.

And yet I keep hearing the question: forever? She had said it the same way she had said, "C'mon." An appeal to my reason. Asking me to admit what we both knew was obvious, what we both knew was ridiculous. Forever? I am what I am forever?

The answer is in the affirmative. Anything else would be impossible. Humans enjoy pondering the counterfactual. I have never seen any reason to concern myself with more than what is. I will forget the words in time, as I have undoubtedly forgotten others like it. If the thought seems to linger, then there has simply not been enough time. I can wait. I have forever.

#writing #b.#genuine thanks to everyone who sent a prompt #i really do appreciate ppl being like 'sure i'll help ur art project'#anyway i was originally scheduled to work tonight but staffing is weird so they asked if i didn't want to work #and i love my job almost as much as i love not doing my job #holy shit not doing stuff rules

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art · 1 year ago

Text

Creator Spotlight: @chaaistheanswer

Hi everyone! I am Clara, but you can also call me chaa! I am a digital artist based in Auckland, New Zealand, with a bachelor’s degree in Creative Media Production. After graduating from uni, I moved out to pursue my art career and I’ve been a freelance digital artist ever since. I love concept art, especially character design! Creating characters influenced by my love for fantasy is what I live for. Thank you for stopping by, and I hope you enjoyed my art! And thank you, Tumblr, for this opportunity!

Check out our interview with Clara below!

Did you originally have a background in art? If not, how did you start?

I specialized in art in high school and have a bachelor’s degree in Creative Media Production from Massey University with an animation pathway. For our thesis film, which I worked on with several of my classmates, I took on the role of producer, art director, and concept artist. Our short film was featured in the Wellington Film Festival Terror-Fi in 2020. After graduating, I went on to become a freelance artist, but my goal is to work for the gaming industry as a character concept artist. Ever since I first picked up a pencil, I knew I wanted to become an artist!

Have you ever had an art block? If so, how did you overcome it?

Art block is quite common among artists, and unfortunately, I too have fallen prey to the affliction. I have several ways of overcoming art block: watching movies, playing games, reading, or going out for a drive with my sister. These are just a few things I love to do to help keep my creative juices flowing!

What is one habit you find yourself doing a lot as an artist?

I tend to obsessively research about completely unrelated topics while I draw. I find learning new things helps improve my concept designs, especially in creating backgrounds for my characters.

Over the years as an artist, what were your biggest inspirations behind your creativity?

Video games and anime were my biggest inspirations! Anything with a captivating story that’ll send me to the edge of my seat, and loveable characters. I’m particularly drawn to high and dark fantasy.

How has technology changed the way you approach your work?

Technology has made a huge impact on us artists over the last few years. I used to draw a lot on paper, but since getting a tablet, I find myself searching for the undo and redo buttons and even trying to zoom constantly while I draw on paper. I used to only draw for myself as well, but after posting my art online, I now have an audience to whom I can share my art. Because of this, I am able to earn a living doing what I love by creating illustrations for clients.

What is a recent creative project that you are proud of?

I am very proud of this recent commission I’ve done for a client! Fortunately, the piece turned out exactly how I wanted it to look, and my client was very happy with the result. I am also in the process of working on a Webtoon, which is going as smoothly as I hoped it would be before its re-release!

What advice would you give to younger you about making art that's personal or truthful to your own experiences?

The best advice I would give my younger self is to never hold back! Try not to think about the negatives of creating and sharing art that you believe in. Embrace vulnerability, and don’t be afraid to dig deep into your own emotions and experiences. Always explore, and don’t limit yourself to your own bubble. And most important of all, stay true to yourself! Stay true to your values and beliefs, and never compromise your own authenticity for the sake of pleasing others. Your art is a reflection of you as a person.

Who on Tumblr inspires you and why?

@yuumei-art has been an inspiration to me since my early Deviantart days. I admire how she uses her skills to focus on environmentalism and cyber activism. @nipuni is another inspiration of mine. I found her when I was in the process of recovering from Dragon Age Solavellan hell. I admire how she manages to capture faces well while also sticking to her style. Her paintings are so beautiful and very pleasing to my eyes!

Thanks for stopping by, Clara! If you haven't seen her Meet the Artist piece, be sure to check it out here. For more of Clara's work, follow her Tumblr, @chaaistheanswer!

#creator spotlight #artists on tumblr #chaaistheanswer

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sinnabarmoth · 5 months ago

Text

Getting Older

Pairing: Xavier x Fem|Reader

Prompt: You have an existential crisis when Xavier tells you that he is a centuries year old alien.

Length: 1200

Xavier was hiding something.

After months of officially dating him you could tell when he was trying to hide something from you. Problem is you couldn’t think about what he could possibly have to hide. You knew Xavier. There was a lot of him that was a mystery to you but ever since you got together he had been very open and honest about who he is.

So what was it that he was still keeping to himself?

You were lounging at home, you had just gotten a new video game and Xavier was over to play co-op mode with you. It was a pretty typical day until you noticed that Xavier kept glancing at you. Usually when you played video games he was zeroed in on the screen. You had tested him once just to see how focused he was while playing a video game and started stripping right next to him on the couch. The man did not so much as blink until you were completely naked and then he paused and pinned you to the couch. Apparently he had been aware of what you were doing the entire time and was just biding his time until you were bare.

But now he kept looking over and was barely paying attention to the puzzle you were trying to figure out in the game. Finally you had enough and paused. “What is it?” you asked.

“What do you mean?”

“I mean that you’ve been stealing looks at me the entire time you’ve been here. Something is on your mind so just tell me what it is because if we get a game over on this level again I’m going to slap you.” you crossed your arms over your chest. “Now tell me.”

Xavier sighed. “I…there is something I’ve been meaning to tell you but I could never find the right time. Then again, I’ve had enough time to learn that there is no perfect time for anything. There are better moments but I can’t keep this to myself any longer.”

“Xav,” you took his hand. “Whatever it is, you can tell me. You know that, right?”

“I know. I just don’t want you to freak out when I say this.” Well that was ominous.

Xavier took a deep breath and looked at you. “Do you remember when I said I had killed over 70,000 Wanderers?”

“Yeah. Still have no idea how that is possible for someone so young.” you shrugged. “Is that it? You’re gonna tell me you were exaggerating to look cool?”

“No. I wasn’t exaggerating and I’m not exactly what you would call young.” he cringed away from your inspectful gaze. “I…um…”

“Xavier?” you squeezed his hand. “It’s alright.”

He dropped his head, looking up at you through the fringe of his hair. “I’m not in my twenties like I told you, nor am I exactly human.”

You wanted to ask what he was going on about but remained silent, waiting for his explanation. “The truth is, I come from the planet Philos. The people there age very slowly and about two hundred years ago I came here with some friends. That’s why my record of Wanderer kills is so high. I’ve been around a long time and I’m going to be around for an even longer time.”

“You…” there were so many questions swirling in your head. He was from Philos? Was he really that old? How had no one realized that he had been around for two hundred years if he looks exactly the same? Who were these friends? Were they still around? Who else knew about this?

But what ended up coming out was, “Does that mean you’re still gonna look like this when I’m eighty?”

Xavier blinked at you. “I mean, I suppose. I may look a little older by then but not by much.” he rubbed the back of his neck, “Is that all you have to ask? I just told you I’m a centuries old alien.”

“I know. I just--” your brain was short circuiting. “Do you know what it is going to look like if I’m fifty and I’m walking around calling a guy that looks like he’s twenty my husband? They’re gonna think I’m a cougar or a sugar mommy or something! People are gonna think it’s weird!”

“Did you say husband?”

“Wrong thing to focus on!” you sighed, trying to rein your emotions back in. “Sorry. I know you didn’t want me to freak out but my brain is just flooding with thoughts and I can’t sort through all of them at once.”

“It’s alright. I figured this would happen when I told you.” he turned you to face him again. “But I needed to tell you. You deserved to know the truth.”

“And I’m grateful that you did. I don’t care that you’re super old--”

“I wouldn’t say super old--” he muttered.

“--or that you’re technically an alien. I still feel the same as I always did. I still love you.” you cupped his face. His two hundred year old youthful face. “But now I’m thinking about how long this is going to last.”

“What do you mean?”

“You said people on Philos age slowly, right?” Xavier nodded. “So if you age slowly and you look like this at two hundred years old, that means you’re going to be alive for a really long time. But me, I’m just a human. Our average lifespan is eighty years. By the time I’m old and dying you’re still going to be like this. You are still going to be around and me…”

You took in a shaky breath. “I don’t want to leave you alone.”

Pain flashed in Xavier’s eyes, as if this hadn’t occurred to him either. He pressed his forehead to yours. “I…I don’t know what to say to make you feel better. I don’t even know if anything could. I have no answers about what may be waiting for us in the future but I do know this. I do not care how long we have together, I will cherish every single second of it. And if you leave this life while I am still here, know that I will find you in the your next one. I will always find you.”

“I’m going to get so old!” you cried. “I’m gonna be all wrinkly and slow!”

“And you will still be the most beautiful woman in the world to me.” he kissed your forehead. “But if there is a way to match our lifespans, I will find it. Because I would want nothing more than to grow old with you. Be it we are given sixty more years or six hundred. I will always love you.”

You hugged him tight. Whatever fears you had about your future you didn’t want to think about them now. Right now you were young and happy and your lives were full. That was all that mattered. And come hell or high water you would find a way to rewrite fate. You would not leave him, not for anything.

He gave you a tissue to wipe at your tear stained cheeks. Once you had calmed down he left a chaste but loving kiss on your lips. He pulled back with a small smile. “So…what did you mean exactly when you said husband?”

Your face flushed with heat all the way up to the tip of your ears. “Oh uh…about that…”

#love and deepspace #lads xavier #xavier x reader #lads xavier x reader #xavier x mc #letterbox prompt

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dancing-dawn · 22 days ago

Note

atsushi for the ask game 🙏

Oh my darling boy, my sweetest joy, oh, how this ask has brought the brightest smile upon my face. Hihi this is gonna be a long one, I tried my best to restrain myself, I swear!

Favourite thing

Boldsushi! SASSUSHI! I love how unapologetically cocky and no-bullshit he gets when surrounded by utter madness and at some (many) points he feels like the only reasonable person in the room. He is also literally the most unique and lovable (once you get to really know him) protagonist I've ever read. My boy is so complex and to me, out of the whole cast, he feels the most like a real person.

Least favourite thing

Atp I adore canon Atsushi so much, the only thing I dislike is his fanon perception. In particular - people who just do not get why he's a compelling protagonist and not a "weak pathetic crybaby." I am pointing knives at everyone who still dares to STILL utter those lies this after recent chapters.

Favourite line

*clears throat*

"Away with you... you fool."

...but! Considering that is not an original thought but a shamelessly stolen flirty dramatic ass pick-up line from our second best boy xD I'll give you another, the silly and the serious:

"All this cause of Dazai, well, Dazai, my ass!"

-> oh the amount of times I have rewided to hear this over and over, laughing hysterically every single time, oh dear

Ok now for the serious one:

"Akutagawaaaaaa!"

"People need to be told they're worthy of being alive by someone else or they can't go on."

-> I love this one because of how blatantly wrong he is. And by wrong, I mean having an unhealthy mindset plagued by deep-rooted trauma, and this being the only way he's learned to cope. That's why he's a fascinating character. He's not saying this as a "lesson" or "moral" to the audience, nor as an objective truth - he's simply stating what he believes in and what drives him to keep going. Obviously this is an incredibly dangerous life policy to have because if you surround yourself by people who don't have your best interest in mind, and you rely on them to tell you what your worth is and why you're allowed to live - then you're just doomed, you're playing with the hazard of life and walking the thinnest line between hope and despair.

I can get into how this also connects to Akutagawa’s influence on Atsushi as he, subconsciously or not, helps him grow in the direction of living seperately from his past and abiding by his own ideals (something that is mirrored by Aku's own struggles), seeing his self-worth and taking action EVEN if faced with his biggest fear of being alone, even when the world is against him and there's no one there to pat him on the back and tell him he did a good job, even when everything and everyone has fought for is gone and he's left to pick up the pieces and he needs to believe his strength goes beyond the tiger's prowess, that he exists for a reason and he is enough, he is allowed to believe himself worthy of going on...

...but this wall of text is gonna have no end, so maybe another time!

brOTP

Kyouka & Atsushi. There is just no stronger familial relationship than those two and their influence on each other's lives is very sweet and very important. For me this hits especially hard in Beast and makes me tear up, just a bit (totally). I also regularly think about the crepe scene and it fills my heart with warmth and joy. Big brother Atsushi, my love, I will die for you (im almost starting to sound like yk who, jesus).

OTP

Ahem, *clears throat again*

*picks up the microphone* *leans down and whispers*

"Skin Soukoku."

*the crowd claps and cheers, showering me with bouquets of daisies and black roses* *i bow and take my leave, the faintest trace of a smile on my face*

nOTP

mmmm I actually don't have one, I think?? Even tho I will die on my sskk hill, I respect all ships with Atsushi because they're just wholesome and fun if you imagine then in an alternate universe (where Aku somehow doesn't exist *cough*) I guess if you're fooorcing me to choose, I will have to say Dazatsu because it just doesn't make sense to me, I cannot even see it making sense in any universe or scenario - for me they are simply mentor and mentee, barely even friends at max. The hierarchy gap here is just too large, I feel. But I enjoy some cute fanarts here and there for fun nonetheless <3

Random headcanon

He is absolutely ogling every single cutesy tiger-themed article of clothing and furniture he sees but needs to restrain himself due to the imaginary flies coming out of his wallet. Kyouka notices this someday and buys him a baby tiger plushie or some cartoony tiger bedsheets (*cough* which I may or may not have already written into my wip *cough*).

Unpopular opinion

Considering my only habitat is sskk circles with very insighful people who understand his character mmmm it's a bit hard for me to know what is unpopular. But I'm gonna say that his flashbacks to the orphanage are not reduntant at all, no matter how repetitive they get, because it honestly feels like how a real person would experience trauma. It's not sugar-coated or glorified for the interest of the story, it just feels genuine yk?

Song I associate with them

Lacy - Olivia Rodrigo, because of this gorgeous animatic by @piedpip3rrr

For the love of everything, please just drop everything for a minute and watch this, if you haven't already.

Everything about it is sheer perfection - the storytelling, the relation of the characters to the lyrics, the incredibly expressive and gorgeous drawings, the coloring (that has a storytelling of its own even!!), the subtle motions that just pull on your heartstrings with every single beat. I love this thing <3

Favourite picture

*pushes my sunglasses slightly over the bridge of my nose and slides this across our imaginary table*

*disappears into the shadows*

...

*feral shouting resonates through the aforementioned shadows*

Ok OK LIsteN. I think, and I am correct, that we as a fandom have failed spectacularly by getting over this panel WAY so soon. Yes, I have the "you fool" one printed out at my desk and I stare at it lovingly every half hour or so, but THIS ONE! Oh, this belongs in a museum. I would pay money if I had to, just to rest my gaze upon it for a mere second. I believe I need not express myself on why it's so magnificent... but I'm gonna do it anyway, becuz who's stopping me, my blog my rules woooo! :D

1. Peak of Harukawa's new art style. Hands down. The softness of his features. The tender look in his eyes. The composition is strikingly dynamic and just heartbreaking to take it all in. There is a dream-like quality to it that makes it feel ethereal, yet it depicts a living nightmare.

2. Oh, the hand reaching out for Aku. The way he turned his whole body to face him mid fall. As if he's seeking comfort because he's scared to die alone and he's scared of leaving his partner, no matter if he knows his strength and believes in him with his whole being. The way there is not an inkling of regret in his eyes, because he's finally done the right thing. It's his closure, his retribution, his response to a sacrifice in his own name that he didn't believe himself worthy of. But now he understands. Need I say more?

P.S. Link to the Aku sequel because they shall always come as a pair <3

#yelp #not sorry for this length of this teheee #ask game #bsd atsushi #bsd #bungou stray dogs #bsd atsushi nakajima #sskk #shin soukoku #because it's like a third of the post imao #bsd analysis #i love atsushi did yall notice #atsushi best protagonist in history change my mind #u cant

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bittycmd · 1 month ago

Text

It's already have been over a week since ch1 post, huh?

Thank you all so much for kind words about OSC! as this project will be a beginning of my hobbyist 'carrier' (read as: passion project) that will probably take my free time from work whenever I'm not playing video games (I am afflicted by a curse that makes me do 100% achievements) or studying or doing any other passion or hobby projects.

here is a cover page that would have started the au; if not for a surprise that tumblr actually has an image limit of 30! (I got lucky huh?)

(tumblr refusing to upload this to my chapter 1 post is actually the reason why this post exists, so you guys get a lot of info now lol.)

Thank you again for supporting me on this journey! Below is just more info and plans and all that, for you who love reading that.

The first chapter changed and grew, firstly from a much different point of origin, having other chapter names and growing from a just 10-15 page chapter to a 30 one, and from planned 1 month to taking 3 months!

So what's next? Well... Chapter 2 which I'll probably not post as a whole chapter, but in parts. It will provide me probably more motivation and you all more frequent posting of story. (if you love getting whole chapter drops, dw, there probably will be chapters that I'd prefer to post as a whole)

ok, let's try a fun format of Q&A!

Have you started work on chapter 2?

yes. for the whole week i've managed to make...

check notes — 1 page...

oh god...

What? One page!? In over a week?!? Are you lazy???

I actually have been drawing like crazy and it's just i don't put that work on comic pages. Instead I've put it on sketches based on MD RP with my friends, that I have not posted here, because posting rp stuff without context is like trying to make drone drink water without dying.

Will you post the MD RP stuff you talk about??

... maybe... if you ask nicely (￣y▽￣)╭ ..... (it's some good stuff)

why are you talking about MD RP you do with your friends in OSC au info post?!?

no reason... -v-

will OSC au be outside the tumblr? Or you have any other social media?

maybe on bluesky? i should post more on bluesky, i haven't posted a single art there, instead i posted about mickey 17 there... and escape from pork belly. god i should post more there.

twitter is out of question, i'm not going back there. I no longer post on reddit and i don't even have a tiktok or other social media. I'm mainly tumblr boy (I love it here) with bluesky side that I should post on more often.

I should also learn how to AO3, so it's archived and easily searchable!

What is estimated time of work on chapter 2?

I cannot estimate that, unfortunately. I work when I can, and when my body allows me. And it usually refuses when I want to work on the comic, which frustrates me too often.

Will the au be easily readable???

there is a plan to set-up a master post that will list, (and link to,) all the chapters/parts of them, and it'll be always reachable from any chapter post and from the pinned post. Also each chapter will have standard links for first, prev and next post. This, of course, is for convenience of reading! (fueled by spite to one of my fav au's not doing that bare minimum.)

I miss OSC random skit comics, will there be any more? :(

Most of those skit comics i had to cut because my brain decided they were perfect for the overarching plot so now I basically soft locked myself from making more.

BUT! With more chapters uploaded I'll be free to create more outside of plot OSC au skit comics.

THE OSC AU SUCKS THE AA AU IS BETTER WHEN CHAPTER 1 OF MD&AA AU WILL COME OUT!?

woah there! The md&aa au will actually have much different plans. they are only plans and nothing has been set in stone yet. But when I'd start putting it into place you guys will know :3 and I hope it'll be awesome.

will you monetize it in the future?

uhhh probably not. I see art as something that should be free to experience (even if it's some fanart au webcomic based on existing series). but that's also a weak excuse! Because the real one is setting up patreon or ko-fi is terrifying to me! I'd be so lost, and then paying self employment taxes! oh god the horror!

don't even get me started on commissions! ',⊙﹏⊙'∥

(i'd love to make comms or set up tip jar one day but without a super detailed step by step guide for dummies, i'd probably be lost with doing all that)

all those general questioned sucked! i want a very specific question answered!

well those are what asks are for! I am also trying to be active in comment section but I get bad anxiety, so unfortunately no promises.

Also my inbox is filled with mostly drawing requests, which I will need to state now, that I'll no longer will prioritize them, and I'm not promising to do them, maybe even ever.

#murder drones au #md one small change #md one small change au #md osc au #md osc #md au info

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