#not for the typical romcom reasons one might assume that a woman might be a snit about like

[redflannelsheets]

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[soft-persephone]

Jake Johnson Bonus Facts

Girl dad of two twin girls. The inteview playlist will go into details for you.

He was married his whole acting career!

Very sweet.

He built this log cabin during the pandemic and even did some of his zoom interviews in it.

We now know, I don’t remember if it from an interview with another podcast or on his own, he revealed that the photographers asked him if he wanted to put on shoes first before they started and he said no.

They are in his backyard and he’s one minute away from a pair of shoes, and he said no, for no reason at all.

That’s why we love him. (Or me at least. I can’t actually speak for you guys.)

I forgot three movies for part one, but also, tumblr won’t let me add any more photos to part one, so it’s fine. However, So sorry!

Ceremony

One of the first big movies he’s done. I don’t have all the facts on it, but it does have the earliest release date of most of his movies, so it’s safe to assume.

He’s not the main character, but he does have somewhat of a large role to the plot of the movie.

I’d argue it’s still worth watching!

Lee Pace is in it! As well as Uma Thurman!

It’s about this young guy who’s in love with this married woman and somehow he ends up at their wedding retreat and keeps trying to win her back, but she’s kinda leading him on. . . Or maybe she isn’t and he’s delusional.😏

Maybe it’s trying to be deep, maybe it’s not, but Jake Johnson is funny and he does drunk wacky uncle brother so well.

It’s not as intense as I’m making it sound.

It’s actually a joy with sentimental moments.

And also like watching a car wreck level of drama.

No Strings Attacthed

Mid 2000s typical romcom with Ashton Kutcher and Natalie Portman.

Ludacris and Mindy Kaling is also in it!

That’s it. That’s the movie.

Jake Johnson is the wacky guy best friend of the main guy and he doesn’t have a lot of time in it, but it’s not a super long watch and he has a horrible goatee in the first few scenes. So that’s pretty fun to see.

And his character has an odd nice guy side quest romance going on with another girl.

It’s supposed to balance out how assholey the main couple gets to each other sometimes, but not really.

Imagine if hallmark was fancy and had a bigger budget and wasn’t afraid to say fuck and show sex.

Also!

This movie got him Nick Miller on New girl.

I think the writer of new girl was working on this movie and she liked him in this and it played a part in him getting picked for his audition!

Safety Not Guaranteed

A wacky movie about these journalist trying to find a bug story and the woman of the group deciding if local crazy guy actually can time travel or not.

Despite how wild the plot is, it is oddly super romantic and endearing…….or maybe it’s the part of my brain that finds the oddest things romantic because it wasn’t presented in a typical romcom formula.

Jake is a little mean in this one if I remember correctly, but I think that’s something we all like about him. He’s fun to watch when he’s angry or mean or yelling or maybe I’m just telling on myself.

It’s not my favorite, but it was a super fun to watch. It’s well made and if nothing else gets you, the suspense of knowing if the guy is really crazy or not will.

More fun facts!!!

He loves talking business so there’s more in common with him and Doug Renetti than you might think. It’s a bit of his. He does this a lot on his podcast We’re Here to Help.

He loves doing indie movies.

He has love for everything he does and truly won’t take a role if he doesn’t like it in some way or feel like he would enjoy the experience from working on it or working with the other people there.

He lives for collaboration and a group effort and team work. Which he talks all about in some of his interviews.

He likes having a say so on his character and trying to do as much as he can with it, and if you ask me, it shows in everything he does, and it’s a part of why all of his charters have a certain Jake Johnson feel to all of them. However, he is still a good actor and they are very distinct in their roles and purposes for each and every show.

He’s just, very good at his job.

He also talks a lot about his life in certain interviews and I tried to compile them in a playlist that you can find on

This post.

If you are a sports fan, go to YouTube and search Jake Johnson Chicago Bears or Cubs or ..sports…

I’m not sure tbh.

He looks homeless sometimes, especially during the pandemic interviews, but I am used to this and find it endearing. If you’ve never seen him look like this and are weirded out or disgusted, I am sorry and not sorry.

I only watched them because i can listen to him talk about anything. I just like hearing his voice and looking at his face.

It’s amazing background noise when you have to work or study. Some of these sports podcast are so long and go on forever.

If you want help finding access to some of his more hard to find movies, please let me know and I will help as much as I can. Do not hesitate to dm me for any additional information

Thank you for reading, and I really hope these two posts have helped!

[wickedsrest-rp-archive]

Name: Vashti Barzrud Species: Woefully Human Occupation: Apprentice Chocolatier (Candy House)   Age: 724 Years Old Played By: Mel Face Claim: Golshifteh Farani

“For the last time, I am not ‘Only Human’. I don’t make mistakes!”

Deep within the Isfahan Province in the Barzrud District of Iran, a shrine can be found. It’s bare now, abandoned. But it’s a recent development: it’s still called by the name it’s had for centuries – the House of the Pairikas.

The demon who made Barzrud its home was always a demanding one. She hungered for everything – gold and jewels, sweets and coffee, meat from the fattest animals and clothes made with the finest of thread. The carving of her idol was renowned for its great beauty, and even the live serpents that seemed to be forever writhing all over it were more striking than any other in the land. But her nature was far uglier than its visage, and its blessings and offers of protection were non-negotiable.

She promised them pain and hellfire if they defied her, and any generosity on her part were mere scraps in comparison. Worst of all was the death and misery she caused: each year, the most beautiful man and woman in the region would be offered to it, their hearts cut fresh from their chests to be lain at the idol’s wooden feet. The serpents would consume them whole whilst the families watched on, too fearful of retribution to cry where the Pairikas could see them. The serpents would whisper that it was to ensure the Pairikas’s beauty would be everlasting, for if she ever became ugly the streets would run red with blood in retribution.

The people of Barzrud had long grown sick of this forced arrangement, but for years – centuries – had no idea what on earth to do about it. They feared a failure that would spell their doom, but could they really live like this forever? A meeting between all the villages in the region ended their indecisiveness once and for all: come hell or high water, the Pairikas was going to go.

A demon wrangler was brought in all the way from Afghanistan, who made the worshippers choose one final victim. A young woman was killed, and the idol was doused in her blood – a gift, or so it seemed. A magic circle was drawn outside the hut shrine, and a ritual was performed to bind the Pairikas to the idol. The blood that coated it would animate it, give it life, and they knew when the screams began as wood turned to flesh that it had worked. The Pairikas was no more. They’d cursed that which had cursed them for so long, turning her into that which she had so much disdain for.

When she was done screaming about how it was going to slaughter them all in their beds, that she would curse the entirety of Barzrud, that even their children and the calves of their calves of their calves would be born mutilated with nine eyes and four heads, all she accomplished was making its throat hoarse. Her former worshippers left it behind in the desert, wholly uninterested in inflicting further misery upon her. They knew they had condemned her to a fate worse than death, and that she lacked the conviction to take its own life to send herself back to where she came. She was no longer Pairikas. She was a woman, plain now just as they were. Human.

It was exceptionally difficult at first. She didn’t even know how to walk on two legs properly – her demonic form was of something far more serpent than Man. At first she thought that she still might be special in some way, an empath or a spellcaster perhaps, but she wasn’t, well, anything. At least she was still beautiful. Small things to be thankful for. She knew she had to get out of Iran as soon as possible, feared death at the hands of anyone who might change their mind to come back and finish the job. She organised passage to the United States, knew it was a major hub for other demons like her. Not like her. She tried not to think about that. There was a place called White Crest that drew her kind like moths – if she was going to find anyone to help her, it had to be there. So she gave herself a name, got herself a job (regrettably), and now this is where she finds herself. She’s going to be great once again, she’s going to be GLORIOUS – she’s promised that to herself. You can be glorious and still cry yourself to sleep every night over ice cream, right?

Character Facts:

Personality: Headstrong, vain, selfish, manipulative, mouthy, tempestuous, self-absorbed, fashionable, quick-learning

Although she no longer possesses her demon powers, she has still retained her demonic knowledge – as such, she’s able to speak any language and is at least passingly familiar with all cultures and races on earth (including supernaturals). She looks down on all of them and isn’t interested in sharing any of her knowledge unless it directly benefits her.

Vashti was never given an individual name by the humans who worshipped her, and her demonic name is too much for mere mortals to comprehend. She chose Vashti due to its meaning ‘excellent woman, the best of woman’ from the Avesta, which she thought was a perfect fit. Barzrud was simply taken from where she dwelt for so long, her home that she pines for even after being driven out.

Vashti’s clothes and accessories are without fail bright and adorned with all sorts of floral motifs in the manner of typical women’s clothing found in Abyaneh Village where most of her worshippers hailed from. She owns a lot of Gucci and Dolce & Gabbana as she’s a big fan of their floral prints; as one might assume, she doesn’t work well with her hospitality wage budget.

Vashti has no real sexual or gender identity. She goes by female pronouns as this was what her worshippers most often referred to her as, and is technically pansexual but isn’t interested in human terms.

The whole reason Vashti got a job at the Candy House is because she’s discovered a deep love for all things chocolate, and after bemoaning the idea of having to do such a common thing as work for a living, she decided she’d shoot for something that actually gave her some modicum of joy. Eating sweets brings her a lot of joy. It helps her late at night when she can’t help but bawl about her state whilst watching American romcoms, another newfound joy. Speaking of romcoms, they alongside teen dramas have taught Vashti her favourite way of expressing herself through English. They’re, like, TOTALLY her fav! Effectively, she often expresses herself like a high school Californian if California was in central Iran.

Never really enjoyed the human sacrifices, she just liked having people fear her. All that blood soaking through all the fancy wool rugs decorating her shrine? Had she even thought of the smell when she had that initial idea?

[artificialqueens]

wingwomen ch1 (trixya, shalaska) - lale

Summary: Trixie was pretty sick of watching her best friend, Alaska, pine over the school weirdo, Sharon Needles. But when Sharon Needles made friends with the new girl from Russia, Trixie decided she was finally going to give Alaska the push she needed into Sharon’s arms – and, hopefully, herself into Katya’s.

A/N: Someone prompted yesterday: “Million dollar idea: high school au where alaska and trixie are cheerleaders+ best friends who get crushes on goth misfit sharon and weird nerdy Russian exchange student katya who also happen to be bffs and they have to wing woman their way into both of them getting gfs” and I couldn’t stop thinking about it!!! Expect updates all this week, and Girls Like Dollies will resume at the weekend as planned!

“How many more times is Alyssa going to make us run this damn cheer? The more times she makes us practice a four line chant, the more I think the stereotype of dumb cheerleaders isn’t quite so unrealistic.”

Trixie huffed out a laugh, trying to use one of her pom poms to fan herself. It was a warm summer day, and cheerleading practice had been dragging on for what felt like hours.

“You know how she gets when she gets to lead practice. Coco might be annoying, but at least she doesn’t make practice four hours long,” she replied, grinning over at her best friend. Alaska rolled her eyes, blowing upwards to try to brush a lock of hair away from her forehead.

“Trixie! Alaska! Are you even paying attention?” Alyssa shouted over at them, a hand on her hip and eyebrow raised.

“Yes, mama,” Alaska replied, shooting her a mock salute. Alyssa had been the head cheerleader the year before, but had been replaced by Coco Montrese that semester. It made for a slightly tense atmosphere in the team, and Alyssa definitely made the most of her opportunities to run practice when Coco was away. She was a good coach and an amazing dancer, but Trixie thought she’d make an even better drill sergeant with the way she instructed them.

Trixie looked over at Alaska, about to say as much to her, but found Alaska looking over at the bleachers. Trixie immediately knew why; there was a figure approaching them, her shock of bleach blonde hair making it easy for Trixie to identify her.

“Are you ever going to stop lusting after Sharon?” she asked, poking Alaska in the side.

“I’m not!” Alaska whined, pouting over at her before her eyes drifted back to Sharon. She’d sat down on the grass by the bleachers, brazenly lighting up a cigarette and scrolling through her phone.

“You’re so ridiculous. I don’t know why you don’t just talk to her,” Trixie said.

“I don’t have any classes with her!” Alaska protested.

“I do! I’ve told you I’ll talk to her for you if you’d let me,” Trixie said. Personally, she didn’t get what Alaska found so fascinating about Sharon. Sure, she had a distinct look, and that was something that Trixie more than anyone could appreciate. But she wasn’t particularly sociable, and spent most of the classes Trixie had with her doodling and resisting any kind of participation. Trixie never saw her at any parties or around the mall on the weekends. She didn’t seem to have a lot of friends, but it seemed to be by choice rather than anything else.

“I’m not twelve! I don’t need you to ask anyone out for me,” Alaska said.

“The way you’re crushing on her, you’d think you were twelve,” Trixie shot back.

“Why do you bully me like this?” Alaska whined, dragging out her words until they were more of a croak than anything.

“Because I love you, you dumb bitch,” Trixie replied easily. “Please, just talk to Sharon Needles. Either she’ll whisk you off your feet and you can make me jealous with your Disney happily-ever-after, or she’ll reject you and we can have an ice cream and movies night in our pyjamas and you can cry over romcoms.”

“You make it sound so appealing,” Alaska drawled. Trixie glared at her, doing her best to look intimidating. Alaska laughed. “I can’t ask her out, anyway. If I got a girlfriend, I’d be leaving you all alone in your spinsterhood,” she reasoned.

“Bitch!” Trixie squealed through her laughter.

“And again!” Alyssa shouted loudly, giving them both a death glare. Still laughing, Trixie lifted her pom poms, ready to go over the same chant for the hundredth time.

***

Trixie and Alaska hadn’t always been best friends. They’d gone through the same school system since Kindergarten, but never really gotten to know each other until Freshman year. Trixie was desperate to try out for the cheerleading team, but none of her friends had been interested. Kim had no sense of rhythm, Violet and Pearl laughed at the very idea of something as basic as cheerleading, and Fame had been too busy starting up her makeup channel to consider any extra activities. So Trixie had gone to tryouts alone, refusing to be intimidated by the more popular, athletic girls there.

Everyone knew who Alyssa Edwards and Coco Montrese were, and now that Alyssa’s protégés Laganja and Shangela had started high school as well the typical cheerleader clique seemed to be in full force. Trixie was scared she’d be turned away before she could even try out, but she was determined to try. The only other girl there who wasn’t already definite cheerleading material was Alaska, who Trixie had recognized from a few classes they’d shared over the years. She was gorgeous, with carefully styled huge hair and dark, arching brows, but she was still less intimidating than the other cheerleading girls.

“Hi, I’m Trixie,” she’d said, giving Alaska a cautious smile.

“I know,” she’d said. “I’m Alaska.”

“I know,” Trixie repeated, her smile growing. Alaska laughed.

“I wouldn’t have pegged you for a cheerleader,” she’d said. Trixie shrugged.

“I really like the outfits,” she’d said. That wasn’t all of it, of course. Trixie was fascinated by the cheerleaders, by the way people looked at them and the immediate power it seemed to give them from the moment they put on their uniform.

“I just wanna be a bitchy cheerleader,” Alaska had replied.

“It always looks so fun in the movies,” Trixie had agreed.

The tryouts had been long and arduous, with Alyssa more than taking them through their paces, and Trixie had been sure she had no chance at making the team. Alyssa had come over to the two of them at the end and Trixie had assumed she wanted to let them down in private.

“Will you come to every practice?” she’d asked bluntly.

“Yes,” Trixie had said, already feeling more hopeful.

“You won’t ditch us if you get asked out by a cute boy?” Alyssa had asked, hands on her hips.

“No,” Trixie had said truthfully.

“Then you’re in,” Alyssa had said. Trixie’s mouth dropped open.

“Really?” Alaska had said, sounding as surprised as Trixie felt.

“Sure. You showed up today, you tried hard. I like that,” Alyssa had said, her face softening. “Practice starts tomorrow. Do not be late.” With that, she’d turned on her heel and left them alone.

“Time to see if the outfit really does look good on you,” Alaska had said after a beat of shocked silence.

***

As it turned out, it looked fucking great on her. Trixie loved getting to wear her cheerleading uniform, and she loved being on the team even more than she’d expected. She’d thought the girls would be catty bitches – they were, but they surprised her by being more than catty bitches. Alyssa, it had turned out, was actually a total goofball when she wasn’t in drill sergeant mode, and Laganja and Gia had their own dopey charm about them. Even Coco could be nice when she wasn’t bickering incessantly with Alyssa. Trixie still had Kim, Violet, Pearl and Fame, but now she had her cheerleading girls too, and she and Alaska had become fast friends after the try-outs. Neither of them were as good dancers as the other cheerleaders, and they bonded over all the times they were relegated to the back of the group or the bottom of the pyramid.

Their friendship had been cemented Sophomore year, at a party after the first big game of the year. It had been the first big party they’d been invited to as part of the cheerleading team, and Trixie had ended up more than a little tipsy in her excitement over being at a real high school party.

“That guy definitely likes you. Look, he keeps looking over here,” Alaska had said, glancing over at one of the guys from the football team. Trixie followed her gaze, wrinkling her nose at the smirk the guy gave her.

“Eww,” she had said, pulling Alaska out of the crowded living room.

“What? Don’t you think he’s cute?” Alaska had asked, tottering behind her with beer sloshing out of her cup.

“No! Boys are gross,” Trixie had said, find her way outside and leaning against the wall. The world was starting to spin.

“You sound like a lesbian,” Alaska had said, tipping her head back to drain the rest of her drink.

“Well, maybe I am one!” Trixie had said, throwing her arms up dramatically. There was a moment of silence as Trixie realized what she’d said. It was the first time she’d told anyone, and she certainly hadn’t planned on drunkenly blurting it out to Alaska at a party.

“Really?” Alaska had asked, putting her cup down and looking at her seriously.

Maybe it was the alcohol buzzing through her system, but Trixie didn’t want to lie anymore. It was a liberating feeling – who cared if Alaska didn’t like it? That could be sober Trixie’s problem.

“Yeah,” she had said, tipping her chin up and looking at Alaska defiantly, daring her to be a bitch about it.

Instead, she had said, “me too.”

***

The rest had been history. Now, almost at the end of their Junior year, Trixie was out to her family and was the head of the LGBT club, and Alaska was still her best friend. Although, with the way she was pining so pathetically over Sharon Needles, Trixie was considering denouncing her.

“Okay, practice hasn’t even started and you’re already staring at her!” she said to Alaska in her most unimpressed tone. They were gathered on the grass outside and Alaska was staring over at the bleachers.

“Oh my lord,” Coco said from behind her, her bickering with Alyssa halted for the moment. “Sharon Needles has a friend!”

That was enough to get Trixie’s attention. She spun on the spot, eyebrows shooting up in surprise when she spotted a second girl sat beside Sharon.

Not only was there a girl sat beside Sharon Needles, but she was the most gorgeous girl Trixie had ever seen. She had masses of messy blonde curls and bright red lips, and she was wearing a hideous, multi-coloured dress that fanned out across her knees. She had a cigarette between her lips, but when she exhaled she laughed at something Sharon had said and Trixie saw she pearly white, perfectly straight teeth and a stunning smile.

“It’s that Russian girl! Katya Zingowadawada,” Alyssa said, coming over to gawk at the two girls with them – though, Trixie imagined, she and Alaska were looking at them for very different reasons to Alyssa.

“Is she new?” Trixie asked. She was sure she’d have noticed this girl before if not.

“She’s in Social Studies with me,” Alaska said, looking over at Trixie. She caught onto her expression and an amused smile spread across her lips. “Her family just moved over here.”

“Did you talk to her?” Trixie asked, making Alaska’s smile widen.

“Are you smitten, Trix?” she asked playfully. Trixie didn’t answer, too busy watching the girl – Katya – as she talked to Sharon. She turned to the side and Trixie got a glimpse of razor sharp cheekbones. They should have made her look severe, but somehow her face still seemed soft, friendly.

“Oh my god, you’re totally crushing on her! Okay, you’re never allowed to say anything about Sharon again, you’ve got a crush on Katya after 30 seconds of knowing she exists,” Alaska said, waving her pom pom in her face. Trixie pushed it away, scratching her nose where the fuzzy material had itched it.

“She’s gorgeous,” Trixie said, unable to filter her thoughts.

“This is pathetic. You want me to talk to her for you?” Alaska asked.

No!” Trixie yelped, finally turning to face her. “No, god, what would you even say? I’d look like a moron.”

“Pot, kettle,” Alaska said, raising an eyebrow at her.

Coco finally got their attention to get practice started, but Trixie was distracted the whole time. Katya and Sharon were still sat by the bleachers and Trixie kept stealing glances over at them. They must have gotten through at least five cigarettes each, which was normally the biggest turn off for Trixie, but somehow Katya managed to make smoking look, well…cool. Trixie was already fascinated by this gorgeous, strange girl, who’d chosen Sharon Needles of all people to hang out with.

When practice was finally over, Laganja dashed to the front of the group to get their attention.

“So, my parents think it’d be a really good idea for me to have a party after the game next week!” she announced. Trixie and Katya shared a look: Laganja parents were also her therapists, and some of their ‘good ideas’ for Laganja had proven questionable over the years. “They’re going away to a conference, so we can invite everyone to my house! Gia’s going to help me organize it all and it’s going to be amazing! Right, Gia?” she said, looking to her best friend for support.

“Absolutely,” Gia said, a vapid expression on her face as she twirled her long, thick ponytail around her finger.

“You should invite Sharon to Ganja’s party,” Trixie suggested to Alaska.

“Oh, please! Girl, you just want me to invite her so that she’ll bring Katya, I’m not stupid,” Alaska replied. Trixie pouted; of course Alaska had seen through her plan.

“Doesn’t mean it’s not a good idea. You’ve been pining for her all year,” Trixie insisted. “I can talk to her in Algebra for you.”

“You just said you didn’t want me to talk to Katya for you! It works both ways,” Alaska said. Trixie huffed.

“Fine! I’ll let you talk to her if I can talk to Sharon. Please?” she pleaded.

“Trixie…” Alaska trailed off, clearly unsure of Trixie’s plan.

“C’mon! You’re my best friend, if anyone can sell you to Sharon Needles it’s me,” Trixie said, batting her eyelashes pathetically at her. Alaska made a grumbling noise.

“I suppose you’re right. I swear to god, Trixie, if this doesn’t work then I’m going to come over to your house in the middle of the night and burn every single pink thing you own,” she threatened. Trixie just beamed at her.

“Deal! I promise, Lasky, this is gonna work. By the end of Laganja’s stupid house party, you won’t need to pine over Sharon Needles anymore,” she said earnestly. She meant it; Alaska had been crushing hard on Sharon for too long now. Something needed to be done – and if that something also led to Trixie getting to talk to the most gorgeous girl she’d even seen in her life? Well, that would be pretty great, too.