#we learn by doing not being a defeatist about it

[sl33py-g4m3r]

Got to get used to the bull crap~~

Randomly reminded of the time I got destroyed by 2 slimes and a chagrin cause they got a preemptive on me~~~~ not the last time that’s gonna happen I’ll bet~~ not in this franchise ~~ ;)

Kind of funny in hindsight ~~ why can’t I see the hilarity when it actually happens? As opposed to being unreasonably upset in the moment?

I feel like sadly I’ve fallen out of gaming for a bit and need to get myself back into it again~~ the feeling of falling out of a hobby you used to love is kind of sad imo.

Also watching many things about nocturne and 4 on YouTube and found some hilarious things I wanted to share~~ the amount of hilariously stupid things that can happen~~~

Might be cringe but I don’t care~~~ the stupid autotune cat crying thing makes me laugh every time.

Why can’t being swept make me laugh like that? It can be so funny in hindsight ~~~

Getting unreasonably upset at a game for no reason whatsoever ~~

I don’t intend to complain and I’m sorry if it feels like a complaint ~~ I don’t like complainers either~~~ just sad that my brain is like ‘we not gaming ever’ when it used to be a really fun hobby~~~

😭

[tearueful]

Please watch this. Please watch this is you're planning not to vote in the upcoming US Presidential election, and you have the ability to vote. Please watch this if you're planning to vote third party in the upcoming US Presidential election. Please realize that there are real life consequences to voting. Please, please please care more for the actual lives that you will actively harm with your non-votes instead of the moral outrage you feel. I'm sorry, but you should care more about helping with ACTUAL RESULTS instead of being upset on the internet where you scream into the void. Being upset on the internet helps no one. Your online anger does nothing. It's an impotent tantrum and I need you to realize that. I know you're angry, but it's only going to hurt more innocent people. Don't use your anger to actively hurt other people, please. Please please PLEASE vote. I don't want the United States to slide into authoritarianism. (and if you want to ACTUIVELY HELP PALESTINE HERE IS A LIST OF SHIT YOU CAN DO )

I'm just going to leave this here, because this woman said what I've been trying to articulate for ages much more effectively and succinctly than I've been able to

[clarisse0o]

Camp Wiegman-Part 45

Lucy Bronze x Ona Batlle

Alternative Universe : Military School

Words : 6k

Masterlist

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Thursday, February 4th; 9:30 AM - Parking.

Lucy revved her car up to the entrance where my mother was waiting for us. She was talking to the elderly lady at the reception, someone I’ve always liked. One of the few here, actually.

"Move to the back."

"What? Why?"

"You’re not seriously going to let your mother sit in the back, are you?"

The back door opened at the same time. Before I had a chance to react, my mother climbed onto the seat and closed the door.

"This is quite a car you have!"

"Thanks," she smiled proudly. "But you don’t have to sit in the back. Ona will give you her seat."

"Oh no! I’m perfectly fine here. And for the love of God, stop being so formal with me! It makes me feel ten years older."

I held back a laugh as I saw Lucy's expression. She definitely wasn’t expecting that response, unlike me. My mother has always been very friendly with my friends, even when we’re not on the best terms. Lucy gave up the battle and resumed driving through the streets of Manchester. On the way, she suggested we take a stroll down a pedestrian street, which seemed to delight my mother. I was pleased as well since I hadn’t had a chance to visit it yet.

"So... How long have you been doing this job?" my mother asked.

"This is my fourth year," Lucy replied. "I was trained for a year. I became independent quickly."

"Is this what you’ve always wanted to do?"

"Oh no," she chuckled. "It’s just a transitional job. My best friend and I are working on a project. We plan to start our own business."

The news caught me off guard, and I had a hard time hiding my surprise. She had never mentioned this to me before. Starting a business is a big deal. It takes a lot of motivation, but I’m not worried about Lucy in that regard.

"In what field?" my mother continued.

"Sports," she smiled. "We’re planning to open a gym with training programs and classes," Lucy explained. "Everything’s starting to come together... If all goes well, this will be my last year at Camp Wiegman."

"What!? Seriously?" I exclaimed, unable to hold back.

Silence fell after my unexpected reaction. It was already a lot to learn about her project, but finding out that this would be her last year? It was a complete shock. Lucy glanced at me briefly with a small smile.

"Sorry for breaking the news this way. We were struggling with the bank, but I just found out a few days ago that our funds to start the business have been released. So, it’s recent news."

"Hum..."

"Oh, don’t look so down. You know what you need to do now."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, you have no choice but to get your diploma this year. I want us to leave this school together."

"Of course... Things aren’t looking too good right now, though," I muttered.

"Defeatist. Just because you started this second semester off poorly doesn’t mean you won’t get your diploma. I’m going to make you work, just watch. We’ll even start tonight," she announced, making me groan.

"Seriously?" I complained. "Oh crap, speaking of studying! I had exams today and tomorrow!" I realized. "What am I going to do!? Do you think they’ll let me make them up?"

"Of course," she rolled her eyes. "That’s good news. We can study the subjects together this weekend."

What did she just say? Judging by the way she stiffened, she seemed to realize her big mistake. There’s no way we’re spending weekends together. She glanced at me out of the corner of her eye, making me uncomfortable. I noticed her hands tightening on the steering wheel as my mother questioned us.

"This weekend?"

"Wiegman requires me to stay at school when Ona is there," Lucy replied instinctively.

I released the breath I had been holding until then. I had forgotten that Lucy knew how to get out of awkward situations. The best part is, she does it without lying. I immediately backed her up by continuing:

"Bronze knows I struggle with some subjects, so she sometimes keeps me at school to work on my courses together," I said, fully aware that Lucy keeps me without official permission.

"Is that why you don’t come home as often?" my mother asked. "Joan keeps asking about you."

Joan... Oh my God, I’ve completely forgotten about him these past few days! I was so obsessed with my problems that I didn’t even think about my little brother. I felt a wave of regret. I sighed, running my hand through my hair.

"I’ll call him as soon as I can... How is he?"

"He’s fine."

"And the truth?"

I saw surprise in her eyes through the rearview mirror. As if a simple "he’s fine" would satisfy me. I hadn’t checked in on my brother for a month. The least I could do was ask now. Especially since he’s probably been feeling down, not having seen me for a while.

"He’s been having a lot of tantrums since you’ve been gone, and he sleeps in your bed a lot... he misses you terribly. You should come back to Barcelona sometime. This weekend, for example. We’re going away for the weekend with Marcus. You’ll have the house to yourself."

"When exactly are you leaving...?"

"You won’t see me if that’s your question. We’re leaving Friday afternoon and returning Sunday evening."

A small smile crept onto my lips. I discreetly glanced at Lucy, who had the same reaction as me. She must know what I’m thinking. I haven’t set foot in Barcelona for a month since she forbade me because of Feli. It’s about time I went back, and if she can come with me, that would be just perfect. It’s not an opportunity that will come up often.

"It’s not up to me to decide that kind of thing," I simply replied. "As I just told you, Bronze has the final say on my outings. We’ll have to discuss it first."

"We’ll talk about it when we get back," Lucy confirmed. "For now, wipe that silly smile off your face. I haven’t said yes yet. I just told you that you need to study."

"Oh come on! Think about my brother," I said, pulling an adorable pout.

"Playing the puppy dog, really Ona? You should know that’s not going to make me soften up."

I groaned, crossing my arms. She hasn’t said yes, but she hasn’t said no either. So, I still have hope. If it was a no, she would have already said so. Or maybe she’s uncomfortable with my mother’s presence and doesn’t dare say it. That’s one possibility. I can tell she’s not as comfortable as usual.

"Stop it," she growled.

"Stop what? I’m not doing anything."

"Yes, you are. You’re looking at me. It’s distracting me."

I hadn’t even realized it. To annoy her, I kept doing it while leaning against the car door. She furrowed her brow but didn’t take her eyes off the road. I smiled at the sight. Lucy is such a beautiful young woman. I’m lucky to have her. We finally arrived at a red light near downtown, where she took the opportunity to push down on my knee that I had lifted up.

- "Sorry," I mumbled, feeling sheepish.

She sighed softly, engaging the handbrake and shifting into neutral. The traffic lights here always take a while. I’m starting to know my way around this city, having come here so often. She turned slightly to look at me.

- "Just because you're banged up doesn’t mean you’re getting special treatment."

- "Oh, I know that, don’t worry about it, Commander!"

She rolled her eyes dramatically. It's crazy how much I enjoy provoking her. She seems to hate that nickname even more than before. Good to know if I want to tease her. I suppressed my smile at the thought, not wanting to provoke her further.

- "Sorry, I can’t help it."

- "Hmm."

She settled back into her seat as it was time to drive again. I did the same, glancing into the rearview mirror. Bad idea, as I caught my mom’s eyes staring at me with a strange expression. I pretended not to notice and focused on the suddenly heavy traffic.

- "Where exactly are we going?" I asked.

- "To the pedestrian zone downtown. It’s nice to see. There are also some good restaurants if you’re interested."

- "We trust you completely," my mom replied.

Lucy managed to get us out of the traffic jams thanks to her knowledge of the side streets. I should memorize them one day if I plan to live here. Then again, with my sense of direction, I’d probably still get lost. Lucy finally parked in a spot that wasn’t too crowded or too far from where we were headed. I took a deep breath before getting out. Here goes my first mother-daughter moment in ages.

Thursday, February 4th; 12:30 PM - Restaurant.

This morning was full of surprises. I’m still struggling to process it all. Just yesterday, I was on bad terms with both my mom and Lucy, and now, here I am, sitting with them around a table. I expected the morning to be a disaster, but against all odds, it went smoothly. No one brought up any sensitive topics, which was for the best. Even so, it was exhausting. I could have collapsed on the table when we arrived, but I restrained myself to avoid Lucy’s reprimands. For some reason, she kept putting me in my place in front of my mom. I guess she just wanted to assert her role, but her reactions were often over the top.

In any case, I’m glad it’s all over. My mom insisted on going shopping. The street was lined with stores, so she wanted to enter every one that had something she liked in the windows. Let’s just say I’ve never shopped this much in one morning, let alone with my mom. Lucy was probably right in saying that she was trying to rebuild our relationship. She bought me a ton of clothes. I definitely have enough to restock my school wardrobe. I started to enjoy it once Lucy joined forces with my mom. She was lucky to have Lucy help me survive the onslaught. Lucy also gave me her opinions whenever my mom wasn’t looking. The fittings were difficult with my injuries. My abdominal pain was so intense that Lucy had to help me more than once. Luckily, my mom was too busy finding me new outfits to notice.

- "Have you decided what to order?"

We all looked at each other before nodding to the waiter. I settled on a Caesar salad, not feeling very hungry today. Lucy seemed to be on the same page since she ordered the same thing. My mom chose salmon. The waiter jotted down our orders and left.

- "Are you sure you girls don’t want anything else?"

- "I’m not very hungry."

- "That’s surprising, you’re usually always hungry," Lucy teased.

- "Hey! That’s not true!"

- "It is. You’re a bottomless pit," she said, raising an eyebrow.

I stuck my tongue out at her and puffed out my cheeks. She pinched them playfully. Damn, she’s way too adorable.

- "I’m surprised to see Ona so open with you," my mom commented.

- "It wasn’t easy," Lucy replied honestly with a smile. "It started with floor scrubbing and arguments—"

- "Don’t exaggerate," I interrupted. "You just made me  clean a bathroom and some toilets," I retorted.

- "Oh no, scrubbing is the right word," she insisted with a mischievous smile. "I’ve never seen anyone do it so well. Anyone else would have done a sloppy job."

Is she joking? I remember that day like it was yesterday! It was my second day, and she pushed me to the limit by making me clean a locker room after my classes. I didn’t think my work was perfect, but Lucy had stopped me. I thought it was because it was time to eat, but it looks like I was wrong.

- "Don’t make that face. It was a good lesson for you back then. You taught me that you could be very meticulous."

- "You were testing me?" I asked, offended.

- "It was more of an assessment. Anyway," she continued before I could respond, "all Ona needed was a bit of attention, and I gave it to her. It was my job as a supervisor, but I quickly grew attached to her and her story. That’s what built her trust in me."

- "She confided in you?" my mom asked.

- "Yes, mom," I answered myself. "I confided in her."

- "I wanted her to see a therapist for a long time, but if I had known all she needed was a lovely young instructor, I would have changed my approach," my mom joked.

Lucy laughed at her comment, while I found myself embarrassed. A strange feeling washed over me. She’d never been so complimentary about my friends before. And we’d never managed to have such a pleasant time together. If it happened before, I don’t remember. It felt like Lucy’s presence changed everything, and that made me happy.

- "To be honest, I also considered that idea for a while," Lucy admitted once she calmed down. "I mean, about the therapist," she clarified. "But knowing Ona, I knew she would resist, so I didn’t even bother suggesting it."

- "Good thing you didn’t!" I replied. "I’m not sick; I don’t need to see a doctor."

- "No one said you were sick," she rolled her eyes. "It’s just that seeing a therapist might have helped. I sensed you were in a dark place more than once, and it could have done you some good, but whatever."

- "Hmm," I sulked slightly. "Just so you know, I’d much rather confide in you or Mapi than in some stranger in a lab coat."

- "Oh my," Lucy mocked, quickly joined by my mom.

I didn’t understand why they were laughing. Maybe my reaction was exaggerated, but that’s how I feel. There’s no way I’m talking about my problems with a stranger, even though I’ve gotten better about it. Back when I first came back, the idea was unthinkable. I shut down just at the thought of outside help. I barely left my room, so there was no way I was going to venture outside the house. My mom eventually gave up, realizing I wouldn’t change my mind on the matter. I turned to Lucy, who gave me a sad smile. Her sorrowful eyes affected me deeply. I didn’t mean to make her sad, but I’m so relieved that someone finally knows my secret. A weight has been lifted off my shoulders, but it’s clear it has been placed on hers instead. I hope she’ll be able to process it quickly. Thankfully, the server arrived with our meals, ending our discussion. That concluded the conversation as we wished each other a good meal and began eating. My mom restarted the conversation after clearing her throat.

- "So… this might not be the right time to bring this up, but… I’m curious why you chose management as a class option. I imagine Lucy had something to do with that choice."

- "That’s a slippery slope, mom," I warned. "The last time we brought this up was at Christmas, and it didn’t end well."

- "You didn’t tell me about that," Lucy whispered, making sure only I could hear.

I glanced at her out of the corner of my eye, remembering that I hadn’t mentioned it to her. Mapi wanted me to call her that very night, but I didn’t want to. It was a holiday, and there was no way I was going to bother her with my problems. I hadn’t brought it up again since.

- "I’m not going to judge your choices anymore, Ona," my mom continued. "It was just a simple question because it’s surprising. You were never very fond of math, as far as I remember."

"I didn’t like science either," I retorted. "But if you really want to know, it was a purely strategic choice. Management is always useful. Especially when you want to become independent quickly. »

I feel Lucy’s hand tighten on my thigh. She’s probably afraid I might lose control. She’s probably right, as I tend to snap when it comes to my mother. Her touch instantly calms me and even reassures me. I know I’m not alone.

“You want to go into the art field, don’t you?” she asks me.

“If I may,” Lucy interjects, “I’m the one who encouraged her in that direction. It might be a risky choice, but…”

She pauses for a moment to look at me before continuing with a smile on her lips.

“I would’ve preferred to tell her first, but you’re her mother, so you have the right to know as well… I’ve got a good chance of finding her some support to get started in that field.”

Her announcement makes me choke. I’m not sure I heard her correctly. Lucy helps me as I cough, patting my back and handing me a glass of water. I down it in one gulp to clear my throat, while she discreetly rests her hand back on my thigh.

“I didn’t think it would have such an effect on you,” she laughs.

“What do you mean by ‘support’?”

“I have a friend who knows people in the field. I gave him one of your sketchbooks.”

“You did what?!” I exclaim.

“Oh, listen to me before fixating on that detail,” she scolds. “He passed it on to an expert who thinks you’re very promising! You could thank me instead of complaining.”

“Where did you find it?”

“Maybe in your closet full of sketchbooks?”

She went through my closet… in my room? When? Did she see all the drawings I’ve done in recent weeks? Damn. I blush just thinking about it. I lower my head to avoid my mother noticing. Most of the sketches are of her, or places and landscapes we’ve seen together, from every possible angle. Deep down, I was desperate and just wanted to reconnect with her. My art is always better when my feelings are involved.

“I took the least personal one,” she tells me, tightening her grip on my thigh.

“You saw everything…” I breathe out as if it’s obvious.

I can’t believe it. I would’ve preferred if she had asked me before doing something like that. It’s way too personal. Yet, I can’t even be mad at her.

“What would happen if the professional took an interest in Ona?” my mother finally asks.

“I’m not exactly sure. My friend mentioned mentoring her or possibly helping her get into an art school to refine her skills. The man was very interested and plans to show it to his boss. There’s a good chance they might take her under their wing. Anyway, the most important thing is that she gets a foot in the door so she can start and get noticed.”

I’m still struggling to believe it. If she did all that, it’s to give me a golden opportunity for my future. I don’t know who her friend is, but I’ll have to thank him properly. My mother seems completely understanding of what Lucy is saying. It’s very surprising. I didn’t think she’d take it so well when she’s always preferred me to follow in her footsteps.

“I guess if it works out, she’ll stay here?”

“It’s up to her to decide…”

“I’m likely to stay here in almost any case, Mom. I like it here, and my new friends all have plans to settle down here. It’ll be my fresh start. It’s what you wanted, right?”

I’ve never been so clear about what I want for my future as I am today. The others talk about it all the time. I already know Alexia will do anything to stay here to be with Jenni. She’s subtly trying to convince her sister to stay too. As for Leah and Alessia, they already live here. Just like Lotte, who lives with her father at the school, along with Patri and Claudia. And then, of course, there’s Lucy. She’s my main motivation for wanting to stay. I’m not sure I want to live with her right away, for fear that things might move too quickly, but I’ll find a way to stay here regardless.

“I guess you’ve already made up your mind…”

“I never said that,” I sigh. “I’m just thinking about it, that’s all. You’re the one who sent me here. I just created the life I like.”

“It’s obvious,” she smiles sadly. “I haven’t seen you this happy in a long time. That’s why I want to thank Lucy, who’s surely a big part of that. Especially with her hand on your thigh at this very moment.”

Damn. How did she notice? Lucy was so discreet. She immediately removes her hand, making my mother smile. I don’t even dare look to the side. I’m sure Lucy is just as panicked as I am.

“T-that's not what-, Lucy stammers.

“Oh, come on,” my mother interrupts her. “I wasn’t born yesterday! I already knew about Mapi, if you’re still wondering, Ona.”

I open my mouth to speak, but my mother beats me to it.

“I don’t blame you for keeping quiet. I completely understand why, given our situation, but try not to lie to me again. You tried to be discreet all morning, but your looks and gestures when my back was turned were obvious.”

“I swear I-,” my girlfriend tries.

“You still dare to deny it?” my mother gently teases.

Lucy sighs and finally looks at me. I’ve never seen her like this… So embarrassed? Worried? Her behavior affects me even more than before. She nervously runs her hand through her hair.

“Fine,” she says. “I’ll be honest then. I tried to ignore your daughter, but I simply couldn’t.”

“Please, feel free to address me informally. You’ve done so well up until now.”

Lucy grimaces slightly. The situation must be different for her now. I’ve never seen her so uncomfortable. It’s my turn to place my hand on her thigh to reassure her. I thought she would remove it, but she doesn’t. She takes it and intertwines our fingers. I didn’t think we’d have to have this conversation so soon.

“If you want to report me to Wiegman, I’ll accept the consequences, but there’s no way I’m staying away from your daughter.”

I hadn’t even thought of that. I look at my mother with a panicked expression. Would she dare? Her face is unreadable until a small smile appears on her lips.

“That was never my intention. Ona would never forgive me if I did something like that,” she says with a genuine smile. “It’s a beautiful gesture of love, in any case. My intention was just to confirm my suspicions, and it seems I was right.”

Lucy’s grip on my hand loosens slightly. I think her wave of panic has passed. She gently caresses the knuckles she had just been crushing.

“So… I mean, it doesn’t bother you that we’re together…?” I ask uncertainly.

“Why would it? Ona, I know we didn’t always see eye to eye, but I’ve never wanted anything but your happiness, even if you have a hard time understanding that. If Lucy is the one who makes you happy, I’m not going to stand in your way. I should be thanking her for bringing my daughter back.”

“There’s nothing to thank me for. She makes me just as happy.”

I don’t know what to say. So my mother knew all along, and I didn’t even realize it. Maybe Mapi told her, or maybe I’m less predictable to her than I thought. We weren’t on good terms, but her opinion still mattered to me. It could have completely torn our relationship apart, which is why I was afraid to tell her. In any case, this conversation was unexpected. Dimples form on my girlfriend’s cheeks as she smiles. I lean in to kiss her, not caring if my mother is watching. It doesn’t last long, but it’s enough to convey all my gratitude for facing this with me.

“So, how long have you two been together?”

Lucy and I look at each other for a moment before a small laugh escapes us. It’s probably the tension releasing.

“To be honest… Only since last night,” Lucy admits.

“Oh… I expected it to be longer than that,” my mother says with a hint of disappointment. “And how old are you? If it’s not too intrusive.”

“Mom,” I groan, rolling my eyes.

“It’s okay, Ona,” Lucy giggles. “I’m turning twenty-six this year. I’m older, but it’s never bothered us until now. Ona is very mature for her age… Stubborn when she wants to be, but mature.”

This is the first time she’s ever said that. I didn’t know she thought that about me. She usually calls me a “cheeky kid.” I look at my mother to see her reaction. She just smiles and nods. She doesn’t seem to want to contest it. She was always interested in the people in my life, which is why I was afraid to tell her about my orientation. When I was a teenager, I sometimes brought home a few boys, and that was the only time she asked questions and seemed to care about me.

“It seems you’ve found your rare gem, Ona.”

“I hope so. She scares me sometimes, but otherwise she’s perfect.”

- "Hey!" complains my girlfriend.

- "Sorry, but I used to think of you as a tyrant at first," I admitted.

- "Nice," she mutters.

Our conversation is interrupted by laughter, not from us, but from my mother. We look at her, unsure of how to react. I gently stroke Lucy's hand with a smile.

- "You two are adorable. Since yesterday, you say? You don’t seem like it, given how you act around each other."

- "We kind of delayed things because of me," Lucy admits, briefly glancing at me.

- "You're definitely welcome in Barcelona this weekend, since that's probably what's going to happen," my mom teases us.

- "That wasn't my intention..."

- "But you knew I was going to suggest it," I said. "You're not going to make me beg, are you? She’s giving you her blessing!"

- "And why not?" she raises an eyebrow. "If I'm supposedly a tyrant, you might as well beg."

- "You’re impossible."

- "And you're a fool."

I groan in frustration. I’m sure she would be capable of saying no. I move closer and kiss her on the cheek.

- "I’m sorry for thinking that. You know, of course, that I don’t believe it anymore. Now that you’ve had your apology... Will you come to Barcelona with me? Please?"

- "Hmm... I don't know," she teases with a smirk.

- "My mom is giving you permission to come," I repeated desperately.

Seeing that she only responds with a smug smile, I pout and return to my meal. I have to let go of her hand to pick up my fork, which doesn’t seem to please her. But I don't like being teased this much either. I hope she won’t refuse to let me go home if she decides not to come. My priority is to see Joan now. I wouldn’t want her to be mad at me for forgetting him.

- "We’ll talk about it later, okay?" she says more calmly.

- "It’s already decided. Either you come with me, or I go alone," I muttered.

Lucy sighs, catching my attention. I know she won’t let me go alone given the circumstances.

- "Fine. You win."

- "Really?" I asked, more excitedly than I meant to.

- "I suppose, yeah," she says, shrugging nonchalantly. "If I’m allowed," she adds, looking at my mom.

- "I don't see any problem with it. My daughter is an adult; she’s old enough to handle her love life."

- "See! So, you’re coming with me?"

- "Alright, alright."

- "Oh my God!" I exclaimed, jumping into her arms. "You’re the best!"

A sharp pain shoots through me because of my position, but it doesn’t stop me from kissing her cheek repeatedly. I’ve wanted her to see my world for so long. Now, that’s one thing that will finally happen.

- "But I haven't forgotten about your studying."

- "Are you serious?" I groaned. "Can’t you leave your responsible side behind for once?"

- "No. I’m not repeating a year because of you."

- "I’m not asking you to do that."

- "But I’m not letting you repeat a year on your own either. Who knows what kind of disaster that would be. I guess we can study tonight and tomorrow."

- "Good idea. That way we can relax this weekend."

- "That depends on how much you get done."

I roll my eyes as she laughs. Well, she’s right anyway. I didn’t start my second semester off well, and I need to get to work if I want to succeed. Especially after what Lucy just told me about my future. The rest of the meal continues mainly with conversations between my mom and my girlfriend. My mom is very interested in Lucy’s life and, surprisingly, in mine here as well. Maybe we’re finally ready to move forward. I still think Lucy’s presence has a lot to do with it. My mom must really like her. She’s nothing like Feli or my other boyfriends. She’s smart and full of charisma. I’m lucky she chose me as her girlfriend. To think she’s helping to solve all my problems with my mom.

Thursday, February 4th; 4:00 PM - Lucy’s Room.

I smile as Lucy collapses onto her bed just after we enter her room. For a day that was supposed to be relaxing, it was surprisingly busy. We just got back. Lucy kindly offered to drop my mom off at the airport after lunch. They connected immediately. We stayed with her until she took off. My mom took the opportunity to buy our tickets for this weekend. She got three after we discussed it with Lucy. I noticed she was uncomfortable with the idea of coming to Barcelona, so I suggested we bring Ingrid along. I like her, and I’ve heard she’s getting closer to Mapi. It’s a chance to thank her and make up for things.

- "This day was so unexpected," Lucy comments, pulling me out of what must have been an intense stare.

Her smile widens, probably thinking I was watching her. I blush and look away. That’s probably not the best way to prove otherwise, but it was an automatic reaction.

- "Yeah... I-I’m going to call Mapi. I’ll let her know we’re coming to Barcelona this weekend."

- "I think your mom was afraid I’d change my mind, which is why she bought the tickets," she laughs.

- "Probably. She really liked you."

- "Isn’t that a good thing?"

- "I don’t care what she thinks."

She sits down to take off her shoes. Meanwhile, I grab my phone from the nightstand drawer. Lucy tosses her shoes onto the floor, creating a loud noise, before lying back against her pillow with a satisfied sigh.

- "You know, Ona. You can lie to anyone you want, but definitely not to me," she smiles.

- "Alright... Maybe it matters a little."

She giggles and pats the spot next to her. I don’t like that she can read me so well. It feels like I can’t hide anything from her.

- "I expected your mom to be more difficult," she confesses. "She really cares about you, you know."

- "I know," I sighed.

I sit on the edge of the bed to take off my shoes, which quickly join Lucy’s on the floor. As soon as they’re off, I gasp in surprise when she pulls me back.

- "Gently," I grumbled. "I’m still recovering!"

- "Oh, sorry hermosa," she says, freezing me in her arms.

This new nickname from her feels almost strange. She presses herself against my back, burying her head in my hair.

- "Are you okay?" she whispers.

- "Yeah," I sighed.

I turn over, groaning as I move. The painkiller is starting to wear off. But I smile when she kisses my forehead.

- "Are you still in a lot of pain?"

- "It’s manageable," I say, running a hand through my hair.

She looks at me in a way that makes me finally see what she’s feeling. I wonder how she used to hide her emotions so well.

"I’m going to put more cream on you, and you’ll take another painkiller with dinner. That should keep you comfortable through the night. »

- "It's not necessary."

- "Don't argue," she says as she gets up. "You've been complaining about the pain all day, so you're going to let me take care of you."

- "Fine," I relented.

It's hard to argue when she's already in the bathroom getting the cream. I take advantage of her absence to lie down in the middle of the bed and lift my shirt up to just below my chest.

- "I'll take this opportunity to call Mapi, if you don't mind. She's going to give me an earful for not being in touch," I added.

- "Go ahead," she says, straddling me. "I told her I'd allow you to call in the next few days. Maybe you'll be spared since she thinks I was the one keeping you from it."

- "I doubt she believed that," I giggled.

I can't help but look at Lucy with soft, tender eyes. She seems so different from usual. She's much more... open. Maybe I wasn't the most closed-off one between us after all. I must be looking at her strangely, given the way she starts to smile.

- "What? Is something bothering you?"

- "No," I said, blushing. "It's just that you're acting differently."

- "In a good way, I hope?"

- "Oh yes, yes," I stammered.

- "Well... You'd better get used to it... At least in private, of course."

My eyes linger on her hands, now covered in cream.

- "Make your call. She's just waiting for you to do it."

I nod as I dial her number, feeling a slight knot in my stomach. I'm dreading her reaction after my long week of silence. She has every right to be upset with me. The call connects just as Lucy's hands rest on my sides.

- "Wow! A call from my Onita? I thought I was hallucinating. Is it really you?"

- "Hello to you too, Mapi... Yes, it's me," I rolled my eyes.

- "Oh, well it's a good thing it's you. Just so you know, I'm hurt by your radio silence, Ona."

- "It wasn't my fault."

- "Of course. What did you always tell me...? Oh yes, I remember. 'When there's a will, there's a way.' Isn't that right?"

What was I thinking? It was obvious she'd be upset. I close my eyes as a shiver runs through me, thanks to Lucy's gentle touches. It's such a contrast to the harsh, resentful words my best friend just said.

- "If you keep pouting, I'll hang up without sharing the good news."

- "Good news?" she scoffs. "Who am I talking to? Whoever you are, give me back my best friend. She hasn't had good news to share in weeks."

- "Okay, fine, you win. I'm hanging up."

- "Oh, there it is! I think I recognize my Onita now!"

I roll my eyes in amusement as I hear her laugh. There's some commotion in the background, and I frown, realizing she's not alone. It's rare for her to be with anyone since her breakup; she had isolated herself.

- "Who are you with?"

- "Miller and Bryan. They're helping me with a project for class. They send their regards."

- "Oh, that's unexpected. You're not in for an easy time with them. Say hi to them for me too."

- "I have to spend time with people since you're not here. And you'd be surprised. They're actually decent help, against all odds."

There it is, the remark I was expecting. Mapi can be very bitter when she wants to be.

- "I'm sorry, Maps," I say, focusing on my stomach where Lucy's fingers are still working. I'm trying to make it up to her, but she won't let me get a word in edgewise.

I didn't know Lucy was so skilled at massages. It's making it hard to concentrate. My stomach is still covered in bruises, but she's being very careful not to hurt me.

- "Hey, Batlle!"

- "Hmm?" I responded absentmindedly.

- "You sound... quite occupied," she teases. "Maybe I should hang up instead of waiting for your apologies."

- "Sorry," I groaned. "I was just focused on something else."

Lucy chuckles at my response, finally looking up at me. I blush at the thought of what she might be thinking.

- "Oh, and what's so distracting that you're ignoring me, again?"

- "I'm not ignoring you," I rolled my eyes.

- "Hmm... Sure, whatever you say," she mutters. "Anyway, what's this good news? Since you couldn't manage to write to me for a whole week, you better tell me you talked with Lucy."

- "That's actually the good news, sort of," I replied, locking eyes with Lucy.

I bite my lip as I feel Lucy's hands move up my sides, a very sensitive spot for me since I'm extremely ticklish. I wonder if she can hear what Mapi's saying.

- "Explain. You owe me that much, I think."

- "Everything's sorted out. The good news is that I'm coming home to Barcelona this weekend, and she's coming with me."

- "Oh really, yo-... Wait. What!?" she exclaimed.

I smiled, imagining the expression she must have. I'd pay a lot to see it. I can hear the guys teasing her in the background.

- "She just figured it out?" Lucy asks me.

- "I think so."

- "Put her on speaker."

I comply, pressing the button before placing the phone beside us.

- "I assume you're with her? How could you hide this from me? Since when!? It's a disgrace! I’ve been supporting your relationship from the beginning and putting up with your broken hearts! I should have been informed the next hour!"

- "Calm down. It's very recent," Lucy replies.

- "Lucy!" she exclaims in surprise. "No, but seriously! I'm both mad at you and happy for you at the same time. You'd better take care of my best friend, and as for you, Ona, you'd better tell me everything! I want all the details!"

- "There she goes, we've lost her," Lucy jokes. "I don't need your threats to do that, you know," she retorts. "You've already done enough, and I've already had to face Ona's mom's threats."

- "It's thanks to my threats that you're together, in a way. Hey, wait. What did you say? Abby? What's this all about?"

- "It's a very long story," I say just as Lucy applies cream to my bruised eye.

- "You two are so mean to me," Mapi responds. "How dare you hide everything from me, of all people?"

- "We're not hiding anything from you. We'll explain everything this weekend, I promise."

- "Pff, yeah, whatever. It doesn't change the fact that you'd better take care of Ona, or you'll be hearing from me!"

- "Don't worry about that."

I chuckle as Lucy rolls her eyes. She smiles at me before leaning down to kiss me. We must not be very discreet because it triggers a disgusted noise on the other end of the phone.

- "Please, don't do that while I'm still on the line."

- "What's wrong, Mapi?" Lucy teases. "Isn't this what you wanted?"

- "Oh yes, but I'd rather not hear your kisses and cuddles. It's depressing for a single person."

- "As far as I know, you won't be single much longer."

- "What do you mean?" I asked. "Since when does Lucy know more than I do?"

- "Since you've been missing in action, duh."

- "Very petty revenge, Mapi. Once again, it's Lucy who didn't want me to text you at night."

- "No, it's not that I didn't want you to. It's just that you needed to sleep earlier, and she preferred being in Alexia's room before."

- "Yeah, whatever. Doesn't matter. Now that I'm here, is what she just said true?"

- "Of course," Lucy answers. "Mapi is just scared to take the plunge with Ingrid."

- "Lucy!" my best friend exclaims. "I thought that was supposed to stay between us!"

- "Oops?"

I giggle as Mapi sighs in frustration. So, she's scared to date my instructor. That's new and very unexpected.

- "You'd better stop stalling, Mapi. Ingrid won't chase after you forever," Lucy tells her.

- "I know," she sighs. "But it's complicated with the distance and all. I'd prefer to talk to her face to face."

- "It's your lucky day because she's coming with us this weekend."

- "What!?"

- "You heard right. I know you told her you'd give her a chance when you saw each other again, so if you want my advice, start coming up with convincing arguments. Ingrid can be a very difficult woman when she wants to be."

- "Wha-"

- "Don't say we never did you a favor. Now, I'd like to spend the rest of this afternoon with my girlfriend, if you don't mind."

- "No, no, wait, please! Don't hang u-"

- "Goodnight, Mapi."

I look at Lucy curiously as she hangs up on Mapi. She's not going to appreciate that. What bothers me more, though, is that Lucy knows more than I do.

- "What did I miss?"

- "Mapi is scared and keeps pushing things back. A bit like me. The situation is starting to frustrate Ingrid, and I just gave her some golden information. She'd better use it because Ingrid can be very unforgiving."

- "Oh... I guess she's afraid to open her heart again."

- "I don't know Mapi well enough to understand her reasons," she shrugs. "She just confided in me because I know Ingrid, and you weren't around."

- "Hmm... I hope things work out for them."

- "I'm sure they will. I said Ingrid was unforgiving, not heartless," she smiles. "She might just make Mapi sweat a little, if you know what I mean."

- "I know exactly what you mean."

I laugh against Lucy's lips as she comes in for another kiss. She doesn't stay long, though, as she gets up to return to the bathroom to put away the cream and wash her hands. Meanwhile, I don't dare move since I'm covered in cream everywhere, and I don't want to risk getting it all over. She comes back shortly after to put away my phone and then lies down next to me again. I smile as she wraps her arms around me. I hope Mapi finds the same happiness I've found. It's the best I can wish for her. One thing is certain, though: this weekend is going to be very interesting.

[rei-ismyname]

X-Men #6 FROM THE ASHES

Last issue is starting to make a lot more sense - I think Jed McKay might have strong feelings about the Morrison era. Spoilers, obviously.

Hi Xorn! Hi Magneto! Good to have you join us. It's nice to see Magneto is progressive, polite and welcoming. It's still an ideological regression from where he was at in X-Men Red/RoM/Uncanny X-Men #700, but I guess he's mostly scenery in this comic sadly. As a fellow disabled burden on society I empathize with him, but I'd like to see him still be a character of focus. Otherwise, why put him in the book? It's a shame his moment makes Xorn look like a fool - is that really his first question? Dude is a fucking monk and these people are right there.

He's wearing his Morrison/Quitely uniform too, which is not a great comparison to be drawing imo. He was last seen hanging out with his brother and Legion in Way of X, but I suppose this is as good a place as any for him to be now. Hopefully we see more of him.

Look how much Quentin has grown since Riot at Xavier's. Or maybe he's depressed. Either way he's definitely looking sharp. Idie notices one of the protesters throwing up the M.

People want Beast to solve their problems but he doesn't have the same experience and knowledge as old Beast, not that X-FORCE Beast did any of that. It's a character beat, but one we've seen before. Maybe he'll learn magic again! Magik is still very defeatist it seems, and perhaps her determination is waning. Can't say I blame her.

Quiche is dope but jokes about it aren't. Not this millennium. The Glob/Quentin dynamic is another Morrison callback. Don't worry, there's plenty more this issue 🙄. One pitfall with light-hearted quippy nostalgia is it undermines serious events happening next to it and gives mood whiplash. Somehow Idie knows Ilyana is communicating secretly with her brother. It doesn't come up again. Based on how McKay has been seeding beats we'll find out in issue #10.

Okay, so we know Magik is smart and now Idie does too. It'd be nice if more of this team started acting like friends - maybe this is the start of something beautiful. I can't say I buy Magik undermining Cyclops on a whim but she lays out the dilemma then puts Idie in charge.

They walk into the trap by putting Cobb Sr to sleep. Idie's secret is pretty cute and an effective 'cost of magic' shorthand. I am wary that it refers to nostalgia about a time that was already hyper nostalgia, but I'm getting used to it. We get to see the Cobb family dynamic, utterly predictable.

I enjoy everything on this page.

- Cyclops and Psylocke sparring

- Expanding on Hank and Mags' budding relationship with reference to their history.

- Building on Beast's fear of becoming a monster again.

- Magneto being emotionally supportive.

No new information here, though I love a jab at Fabian Cortez. This is more of a reference than anything else, though it's good to see some self awareness from Max. Although, Cortez showed a lot of growth on Krakoa.

This is a nice moment too. This version of Hank was a massive horn dog. Not saying that's where it's going but he's gregarious and it does make sense to have him be welcoming to another non-passing mutant. Glob too, though he comes off as massive dork. We still don't know much about Jen or Ben which makes it hard to get invested. If they do stick around they'd be inflating a cast that's already being covered unevenly.

Okay, Piper is here and Scott isn't pleased. Idie would have a point but it would have taken 2 minutes to talk about it. Yeah she asked for help and came willingly but as Scott says she's a minor. Her home life looks miserable and tracks closely enough to many queer experiences, but society unfortunately says children are property. It sucks, but she needs support. Nobody wins when her mother calls the cops. Is this about Piper or Idie here? I would love to see Idie being the moral core of the team but this just makes her look naive and impulsive - which is at odds with her 15+ years of characterisation. She was in jail last year!

Piper reveals that the 'Wild Sentinel' was after her and the Iron Night was her 'fault.' It's left on a cliffhanger but let's hope this doesn't torch the X-Men's relationship with Merle, Alaska.

The Morrison thing - Psychic rescue, Quentin and Glob, scientists making mutants, Cassandra Nova, Xorn is still in his uniform from the time, wild sentinel mention (which is super bizarre and out of place.) It's a lot and I'm probably missing stuff. My question is who this is for? New readers will just be confused. Morrison super fans are more likely to roll their eyes, judging by responses to last issue.

Overall this issue was pretty good. It progressed the plot, gave us time with the 3 characters who'd been ghosts, introduced new information and setup conflict with the town for next issue. I really wish the creative team would get their batting average a little higher in terms of solid issues. 33.3% is low enough in the abstract to make me drop the book - and this is one of the better ones. I know we can do better than this and it disappoints me how aggressively mid the X-books are right now.

I'm starting to recognise the formula they're working off, with information dribbling out at a snail's pace to the point that any issue becomes skippable then ending on a cliffhanger that's rarely paid off quickly. Uncanny has the same issue, which makes me think it's an editorial problem. Hell, solicits usually give more information than issues do. I'm not talking about tropes, I'm talking about the narrative tricks that allow them to publish issues that move at a glacial pace and use nostalgia to disguise the characters not being developed. One can hope :)

[reimeichan]

I know that when people say that DID has no cure, that those of us with DID will always have a DID brain and may even split again in the future, they're trying to be realistic about recovery goals and maybe even acknowledge that those of us who have reached Final Fusion or Functional Multiplicity are still part of the DID community. However, I've recently been finding those kinds of statements to sound.... defeatist, actually. There's oftentimes an underlying feeling of "what's the point of trying so hard if I'm just going to have DID forever?" or "no matter what I do there will always be the possibility for me to relapse", and as such I've started to see these phrases as being almost anti-recovery.

I agree, there is no cure for DID that we know of. We cannot change the fundamental way our brain works. However, that's not the same as saying there's no way to get better with DID, or saying there's no treatment for DID, or there's no way to live a happy, fulfilling life with DID. It takes a lot of work, yes, but it's absolutely possible to learn how to live with both dissociation and trauma to the point they have very little if any negative impact on your life. That's what expanding your coping toolbox is for. And learning emotional regulation. And trauma processing. I may never live the same life as someone who never developed DID or has the same traumas as me, but that doesn't mean I'll be unhappy and miserable and fighting against my own brain every day of my life. Instead, I've learned to work with my brain and with my disorders, and in the process I've learned how to not just survive day to day but thrive. I'm excited to see what tomorrow brings me. I'm hopeful.

And I think that's really what my feelings on those phrases boils down to. They feel like they lack hope and end up making me feel like working on recovery isn't worth it. But I know that's wrong, for myself at least. It's definitely worth it to keep walking forward one step at a time. Where I am now and where I was before are two very different places, even if some days it's hard for me to see those differences and acknowledge that. And there's so much more for me to look forward to as well.

So, here's to healing and recovery and thriving with DID.

[ashersbraincell]

Chara-cter analysis but I severely project onto them(prepare yourself for a wall of text, this IS the promised somewhat organised thoughts on chara as a character)

I really think they self-villanise as a coping mechanism, I really, truly do. All that calling themselves a demon? Dawg they are like at MOST 14. Of course they’re going to be edgy about it asf/pos

If they can just convince themselves that they are truly just pure evil and that they don’t care nor feel guilt, then life can just be easier. This is supplemented by the numbing properties of LV if we’re talking No Mercy run, and very much hinted at in the newest newsletter lore drop about them.

At it’s core, I think this comes from their hatred of humanity. I think, as they are in that phase of growing up where you realise not everything is as pure and innocent as you were clueless to as a kid, they very likely have become dead set in their view that humanity is inherently evil. And, even if they absolutely hate it, they still are human themselves.

And so, in an attempt to escape both humanity and their affiliation with it, they fall into the underground. I also think that their manipulation and teasing of Asriel is a result of their defeatist mindset about already being rotted and evil by humanity so they might as well teach this naive “crybaby” what the real world looks like. Because they see their past self, the one before learning about the inherent evil of humanity, in him.

But alas, to what extent we can’t be sure, they atleast regain hope that maybe just maybe monsters are better than humans. And since they don’t see their life worth much(being a rotten human being, afterall), they think that the only way they can “fix” the world is by exterminating the bad(humanity) and in the process freeing the good(monsters). So, the plan happens.

But, as we know, the plan doesn’t come to fruition. I really can imagine the pure spitting anger and frustration and hopelessness that Chara felt watching Asriel betray them for the sake of sparing the very humanity they hated. They just didn’t understand. Asriel really was naive, naive child.

And, after coming back, and seeing what Asriel had become(flowey), they lost faith in monsterkind aswell, this only made worse by how keen all the monsters in the underground are to attack the humans that fall down, despite them being children, the one pure, uncorrupted thing in their eyes. And under the orders of their adoptive dad, the one who they saw as the kindest being in existence, now yet another ruthless, heartless ruler(I also like how this then parallels them with Toriel, as I theorise they do take after her as suggested by them sharing way of greeting, whereas Flowey/Asriel shares Asgore’s).

The world was better off gone, then. That would solve everything, right? And maybe, just maybe, if they destroyed the world then they would surely go down with it(intense self hatred and self-villanised complex wooooo).

I really think this recontextualises both the true pacifist and no mercy runs.

In the No Mercy run, like many have theorised before after a certain youtube video analysis on them, we only confirm their beliefs. Confirm that both monsterkind and humankind are rotten and only seek to destory one another. We confirm their suspicions that their purpose is to destory the world for everyone’s good. And we give them the sweet sweet agent that is LV, and I do think they become addicted to it. It numbs their hurt, their pain, so perfectly afterall(undertale newsletter). And makes their job, their purpose, easier.

But in the True Pacifist run? Not only does our kindness show them that are is some genuine good in humanity, but we also gradually restore their faith in monsterkind throughout the run. From finding the genuine reasoning behind everyone’s actions and helping them overcome it and find alternative solutions, all the way to Asriel-the very first monster that shattered their faith in monsterkind. Treating the problem at the root, so to speak.

[ghostflowerhotpotch]

A bit of trope subversion

I kind of did a bit of an analysis for this scene while replying to another post, but because I love this scene and this is my info dump blog, I decided to talk about it here in more in depth.

Now, when I first watched this movie, I try to keep my expectations low. Sure, I trusted the movie would be good, but I had my doubts about so many spiders and if it was going to work, as well as I didn't like certain aspects of the tropes. Not to mention the obvious "it can live up to the legacy of the first movie?"

So, part of my kind of fatalist nature, when we first saw Gwen kind of avoiding answering Miles, as well as trying to avoid him for a moment to put some random spider clock, my biggest fear was "Oh don't tell me she is just here for something else and is using him."

Seems silly to think that now, but can you blame me? This trope is so old a big chunk of it is dedicated to James Bonds movies; is annoying an tired in my opinion, so I was just expecting the bitter pill will past quickly.

Oh I had never anticipated, how the revelation was the opposite.

With the knowledge of the real reason revealed, we go from "please don't tell me she is using him" to "WOW, she didn't even try to look after the guy."

Let's recapitulate a little.

We learn all of this following Miles, so we don't have full confirmation or what exactly Jess and Miguel told Gwen about visiting Miles, if just seeing him is a risk or is much more than that. Regardless, we learn that 1) Gwen was suppose to catch the spot, and 2) She wasn't suppose to EVEN try to look for Miles, let alone talk.

And this colours everything back.

Most likely, Jess assigned Gwen because Miguel asked her to sent someone, and like Jess said, Gwen is her star pupil; so why not trust her with this one alone?

It doesn't escape Gwen in which dimension is this, and no idea with how much information she had of the Spot, but based on her comment of "villain of the week," she probably doesn't think much of him.

So, knowing that her mentor trusted her this, that this is a mission, and that she should keep her distance for Miles, what she does?

She opens the Portal DIRECTLY to him.

See what I mean? She didn't even TRY.

It would had made more sense if she went first to check on the Spot and then go for Miles, or heck, maybe immobilize The Spot (leave it unconscious or something,) and then catch with Miles.

She doesn't do that, she just JUMPS directly into the portal to get to Miles.

And in the next part, you can see how much this means to her.

At the beginning, I think the fact that she is trying to avoid saying certain things is obvious, and is part of the reason you may suspect she has something else going on. (Technically true, not just my defeatist scenario.)

However on rewatch, I think this is better because is not that Gwen is trying to lie to him, it is Gwen being too excited and happy to contain herself.

Remember, as per Miguel's orders, Miles should be as far away of their business as possible; is considered risky for Gwen to get close to him.

But Gwen once again, cannot help herself, and quickly spills as much as she is able while leaving certain key components, because even if she knows she shouldn't, she cannot help herself.

She probably has been dying to talk to him since forever, and she wanted to talk about all the amazing things she has seen to him. She doesn't want to be cruel about not coming earlier or how Miles cannot get in; she just didn't think too much before talking since again, this entire thing is Gwen going with her heart but than her head.

Which is really a big part of the reason I love it.

This is important for Gwen, this is the first community she has been able to somewhat fit since the entire fiasco with Peter; she is probably expecting to face homelessness if she goes back home, if not prison, so she doesn't want to risk her position.

Yet she is still impulsive, and despite her better judgment, she risks everything for a few hours with Miles, to the point even if putting a tracker on The Spot is barely a band-aid on this situation, she doesn't pay too much attention to him. Looking at him a couple of times at most and for what we catch later; yeah, she didn't look too much what the Spot was doing.

The scene with them going though the city and this conversation also have their points for analysis, but on this one we will brush over.

Because again, the rest of the scene just shows further and further that Gwen basically forgets about her mission for Miles.

And the thing is that, Gwen could EASILY spin the situation if she wanted; she would say she needs help to catch the Spot, they could deal with that, she would even say an excuse to dip out and complete her mission while spending time with Miles.

Of course we don't have idea what she was thinking, or if she even considered that possibility; however we know she doesn't do go that route, what she does?

Go the the Party for Miles's dad.

I think is not difficult to notice that the lightning has changed, and yes, it was already close to sunrise before Gwen appeared, nonetheless, how long she has been with Miles?

She even got a change of outfit (since unlike Miles, she seems to actually change clothes rather than having most of her suit below her daily clothing.) Which makes me wonder how prepared she came before coming here, or rather, for what exactly she was preparing for?

On the first viewing, they spending time together is normal, it almost feels unfair with how little they get to be in a way.

In reality? Gwen stole too much time, so much she missed the fact that The Spot did an entire mini Collider to boost himself away. She deadass wasn't looking at the tracker.

This is the type of stuff that feels almost as if she isn't considering things from the other side (not paying mind to Miles being grounded, living abruptly, etc,) when in reality, this moment paints to which degree Gwen wanted this.

She wanted to see Miles so badly she didn't even try to pretend the mission was her priority, and refused to leave Miles so badly she run out of time; probably because she was having such a good time she didn't want it to end.

They are in love your honor.

[qqueenofhades]

bless u for the comprehensive answer to my last question, it is much appreciated! And sincere apologies for coming off as defeatist - you're absolutely right that, at the end of the day, the most important thing is working as hard as we can to make sure trump loses the general election. What this really clarifies for me is that my focus should be on the elections, and that I should file the judicial process under "interesting, could be useful, but will never be a silver bullet". Thank you again!

You're welcome, and I think it's most useful to think of it like this: we need to do our job (defeating Trump in 2024) so Jack Smith's job (indicting the fucker up the wazoo) will stick. We hear endless punditry and hand-wringing about how Trump will just cancel the charges if he wins, and that's often presented as some kind of terrible foregone conclusion that we will only avert by dumb luck, if we do at all. And yet, for some funny reason, we never hear about the flip side: i.e. if Trump loses, he's fucked. He will have no more reason to delay, no last-minute Hail Mary play, nothing to stop him from standing trial, being convicted, and going to jail, and that's exactly why he and the rest of the fascist criminals are throwing everything at the election. It is his last shot.

Honestly, I don't want people complacently thinking that the indictments will do the work for them and get rid of Trump -- because they will, but only if we do our job first and pound that motherfucker into the ground in 2024. I don't want anything to take away from the importance of doing everything we can to help Biden win in 2024 -- voting, volunteering, donating, talking to friends and family, you name it. We NEED to do that work so that Trump is out of miraculous golden parachutes and is left to face the consequences. And if he does (again, please God) lose, at least this time he is not the sitting American president and does not have the full resources of the federal government to attempt a coup. In that sense, if you want to see Trump properly, completely brought to justice, it's so easy:

Support the indictments

Vote for Biden in 2024

Do everything to make sure Trump loses

The end.

It's really that easy. Because as noted, if we do our part and Trump loses the election, he is fucked. That's really all there is to it.

We are in uncharted territory here because the founding fathers were eighteenth-century Enlightenment rationalists, and while they obviously did not trust a king and built in all kinds of checks and balances to prevent the president from BEING a king, they also imagined that whoever held the job would at least make a good-faith effort to follow the rules. Besides, the best-designed political system in the world would still be vulnerable to someone like Trump, who gleefully and sociopathically wrecks all norms and precedents however he pleases. That's why there isn't technically a law on the books preventing someone in prison from running for president, because the founding fathers were operating under the idea that people in American government would at least try, however badly, to perform the functions of American government. Trump doesn't. He doesn't give a shit about that. He's willing to take the whole country down in flames if it saves him personally from consequences, and while our institutional guardrails (barely) held last time, they've already said that a second Trump term would involve wrecking all of those, because he is a tinpot narcissistic psychopath dictator wannabe. And yes, it's terrifying, and yes, too many people didn't learn from 2016, and all the rest, but still:

If you want to see the fucker go to jail and reap the consequences of his actions, make sure he loses the 2024 election. That's what you need to focus on. Do that, and the rest of it will come after. So yeah.

[relatableblorbopoll]

Round 1 of preliminaries, group 6

The first two places get a place on the bracket

Little reminder: there will be 2 more rounds of preliminaries, the losing blorbos of this poll still have 2 chances of getting in the official bracket

propaganda under the cut

Jesper Fahey (Six of Crows)

No Propaganda

Crowley (Good Omens)

"He's gender. He's been in love with one guy for literally 6000 years and then royally fucks up his entire confession. He yells at his plants. He drapes himself over every fucking surface he sits on. He walks like *that*. He just fuckin makes sounds sometimes. He's me fr."

Dave Strider (Homestuck)

"everything that can be said about Dave's relatability will probably sound redundant, clichéd, or overdone if you are at all familiar with tumblrs sort of blorbo culture. this is exactly why he should be in this tournament.

stop me if you think that you've heard this one before: he hides his genuine emotions behind a persona, deflects sincerity with jokes, but also has a deep desire for validation and connection, so that his persona has many cracks where little bits of his true self slip through. deeply insecure, compares himself to others. a defeatist streak, avoids responsibility. does not wish to be troubled by The Horrors. he just wants to hang out and do his lil creative hobbies (making music and drawing comics). talks a lot to the point of being pretty awkward, rambling, and accidentally saying stuff he shouldnt.

all these things I think tend to resonate deeply with a lot of people, especially on Tumblr - that "person who is insecure and struggles with emotional openness so copes by making jokes" sort of trope, it's just like kin bait (affectionate). he also has a complicated relationship with gender which I know many find relatable (shout out to the "Dave homestuck was my trans awakening" homies) but whether it's about figuring out gender or sexuality or trauma or the apocalypse or anything else, Dave comes at it with an initial, learned, fear and reluctance that I think a lot of people have experienced, because it's very human and very much a part of many readers experiences (we live in a society). but he's always good, and likeable and that makes for a very important sort of relatable character. very comforting. even if he's a mess and he's an idiot you can believe he can get to something better, and you can watch him develop and grow.

also, I think he's extremely relatable because he never really knows what's going on in the comic either. I mean, that's gonna be relatable to most people Vis a vis homestuck. he's confused and he just wants to vibe and make his friends laugh. WHO AMONG US cannot relate?? I do not believe you if you say no.

I wrote too much and got way too weird about it. I'm sorry it's late I'd edit down but I really don't have the brain capacity.. which is very Dave core of me actually"

Junior (Total Drama Presents: The Ridonculous Race)

"i relate to him a lot because his whole character is being embarrassed of his dad who tries too hard to be cool, but still loves him anyways. that is literally me"

Kim Dokja (Omnicient Reader's Viewpoint)

"kim dokja. oh kim dokja. so, without going into spoilers too much, kim dokja is very much a character you are expected to relate to and it makes the novel DEVASTATING. here's just a few things about him: - he is obsessed with a particular piece of media, and finds comfort in it when real life doesn't give him any. he's constantly thinking about it and defending it and trying to recommend it to other people (even though no one else bothers reading it, because it is an objectively bad 3000-chapter webnovel). even beyond that one novel, he's been using fiction as an escape for just about his entire life, something that rings true for a lot of people, especially in the modern world. - he struggles with socializing with other people. the first chapter alone gave me so much second hand embarrassment. it's so real but god it's So bad. he has zero friends and has that sort of loneliness where you're miserable but you can't really bring yourself to feel anything but resigned to it. in general he is just very Resigned to his unfortunate life and can't fully understand or accept it when it finally does get better - he has a complicated relationship with his mother. it's the kind of relationship where the parent genuinely does love their child, but they fail to give them what they need & have to accept that they hurt their kid and that they cannot be the most important person in their life. it's certainly not a universal experience but those sorts of parent-child relationships are woefully common but scarcely acknowledged -the insecurity. god there is so much insecurity in that man. it's hard to even completely tell it's there at first, because it's so ingrained in how he thinks that you don't question it until you know more about his character and suddenly it's all too apparent. he cannot believe that he can be loved (or, if that he can be, that they certainly would not be able to love all of him, only what he chooses to show them), and is selfless but like. the literal meaning of the word, where he will throw away all of his being for the people he loves. in general there is a lot of sacrifice as a love language which like. while i'm not off around throwing myself in front of magic death beams for people or anything i sure would give up everything i could if it meant helping the people i love - ok enough of that. here's some funny things i can relate to. the guy meets his favorite fictional blorbo and instead of worshipping him instead he bullies him constantly and internally complains about how unbearable he is both in the book and in real life. it's like a "i love my blorbo. i would not last 2 seconds in a room with him." You know. he gets so caught up in his fanon characterizations and biases about characters that he completely mischaracterizes them like constantly. he literally kills a guy half because he was his least favorite character. -this is a poll about blorbo relatability. therefore i must mention that kim dokja too related to his blorbo (or at least attempted to) and what is more relatable than that. anyways. kdj made me realize far too much about myself and is by far the most i have ever related to a character (and i Hate it). and tumblr would definitely relate to him too so :thumbs-up:"

"(SPOILERS) He is literally all of us. Reader. Just some guy. And then insane tragic backstory. But he’s also just some guy. He’s special and also just a guy. He’s also god. He can be shipped w anyone. He has versatility and interests and motivations. He also never tells anyone anything ever. He is so me."

"He reads a trashy, long-ass novel as a coping mechanism and doesn't think he's capable of being loved. Bro dissociates when he's emoting too much."

"I'm a homestuck fan, a Dave Strider fan even Never heard of Omnicient Reader's before Voted for the kim fellow because judging by the propaganda it looks like he himself would be a homestuck reader therefore making him more relatable than the homsetuck character himself"

"This guy’s been my companion since I was 11, I’ve grown up with Omniscient Reader’s Viewpoint and I think that’s pretty funny since he grew up with Ways of Survival (the 3149 chapter novel) and therefore I’m straight up mirroring him. I, too, scare everyone off by being too enthusiastic whenever the webnovel is brought up! His insecurities are severe but I do see myself in some parts of him (which is worrying but whatever.) He is absolutely The Guy Ever. Utterly pathetic wet cat of a man. I love him. He represents the crazy fandom tumblrina in all of us."

Donutella (Tokidoki)

"she's made of donuts basically like me at this point"

[dokidokitsuna]

Writing this out because I just survived a Category 5 whitesplaining event that, hours later, is still boring holes in my brain:

The reason minority representation in media has been historically subtle and implied is NOT because “if you ease people into it they’ll respond more favorably to your ‘argument’ (?!?!?)” It is because that was usually the difference between a show actually getting on the air or being killed in infancy. o_O 

We should respect our roots and acknowledge the fact that it was just harder to see ourselves on screens in the past, and that the writers and directors who cared probably sacrificed a lot just to make those scraps of representation possible. We should also acknowledge that metaphorical/subtextual representation of certain identities is not inherently harmful or inferior, even in the present day.

But we absolutely SHOULD NOT take that to mean that metaphors are somehow the preferred strategy to get the general public to “learn to accept us”. It’s a ludicrous leap in logic that relies on the assumption that: 

A] There’s a debate to be had about minority populations’ right to exist that needs to be “won”

B] Having the rare opportunity to openly portray a minority character/issue in media and just taking it and running with it was never successful in the past (it was)

C] Opposition to minorities’ existence is a ‘fact of life that we just have to accept whether we like it or not’, but our existence is somehow not a ‘fact of life that THEY have to accept, whether THEY like it or not’. Basically, only one side of this “debate” deserves to be protected from reality, and guess which side that is. T_T

The context of this honestly makes it much, much worse (advising amateur writers?!?!) but I don’t even have to go there, the advice is bad enough on its face. When I first realized the conversation in the stream was heading this way I was tempted to just skip ahead in the VOD…but instead I was like “let’s not be so quick to judge; hear ‘em out, they might have a good point in there somewhere”, consequently took 800 psychic damage and now I just know I’ll be stewing about this for weeks.

Like…I know the person who said this is not a bigot, and probably didn’t even realize how dismissive and defeatist this line of thinking sounds. And I’m willing to admit that having this sort of diplomatic, ‘let’s just placate the troublemakers to keep the peace’ attitude towards social issues has its uses, and probably helps this person with their professional relationships. But if you are the sort of person who does that a lot of the time, you should be mature enough to realize that it could be a pretty big blind spot when it comes to discussing how social PROGRESS tends to work.

‘Keeping the peace’ is maybe halfway decent at preserving the status quo, and basically useless at everything else in the long run. :/ Progress, on the other hand, is not peaceful and never has been. If you ever find yourself advising a minority writer to “go easy” on their white cis hetero audience and “maybe try not to be too obvious”, you are probably giving horrendous advice. And if you have this mysterious feeling that you “sound like an a$$hole”, it’s because you do– the red flags in your brain are flying and you’re not stopping to consider why!

In conclusion, there’s a large difference between working around censors as a professional writer and trying to make do with the little wiggle room you have…and convincing yourself that it’s just better to be ‘less obvious’ and hide diverse ideas under layers of abstraction from the get-go. Before anyone even says anything to you, before the general public even has a chance to react to your work and decide whether they’re willing to accept it or not. You’re doing a disservice to yourself AND your potential audience.

[donnerpartyofone]

I think one of the main things that makes well-meaning conversations about dysfunction frustrating is that when you talk about your unfixable deficiencies/behaviors/ailments/etc and the other person says "It's OK" and "not a big deal", what they are really saying is "It's OK for me to know someone like you," not "It would be OK with me if I had to BE YOU."

An adjacent problem is when, with the intention of making you feel better, someone tells you that you are freaking out "over nothing" when you melt down over something seemingly minute--not realizing that when every single piece of minutiae falls apart in your hands, one after another, all day long, for days on end, it is completely normal, nay, inevitable, to eventually melt down. The little things matter when there are thousands and thousands of them and they never stop coming.

I think on some level the issue is that you just can't tell people about unfixable problems. It's like an act of cruelty to admit that you have an unfixable problem because it's considered negative to bring up anything that can't improve, it just makes everyone feel bad. When faced with your problem that will never get better and may get worse, even someone who loves you will tell you that it isn't really happening, or "all you have to do" is something you will never be able to do because of your problem, or you only have the problem because of your defeatist attitude or the fact that you are a "perfectionist" (?!?! excuse me HAVE WE MET BEFORE), or you just need to change all your personal standards and values so that you no longer care about the problem that is often the determining factor in the potential of every day of your life. Or "you're an amazing person" or some such platitude that is supposed to make you magically not experience the material effects of the problem. All of this behavior just proves that people who don't have unfixable problems find such things so cosmically horrific to imagine that it's just pointlessly mean to try to force them to acknowledge that some things and people are just fucked.

In the last year or so I did kind of an experiment with being radically honest with myself and others about my deficiencies and disabilities with the goal of trying to acclimate the people in my life to who I really am and what I am (and am not) capable of, and all it did was make them mad at me and/or force them to say patently ridiculous and irrational things that were beneath their intelligence. What I learned is that I really cannot blame people for not being able to accept the intractability of many parts of life. A lot of human life seems to be predicated on hypnotizing yourself into thinking that anything is possible and nothing is hopeless, and it's not nice or useful to fuck with someone's programming if that's what they're dependent on to keep getting through their days. My new experiment is not telling anyone about any of this stuff anymore; even now I'm saying more than I want to, but maybe this can be sort of a last hurrah before I clam up and stop ruining all my remaining relationships. Some day I'll get another therapist and they can hear all about it because I pay them to.

[bonesandpoemsandflowers]

seeing a lot of posts about how "inevitable" this outcome was. really? REALLY?

The Dems didn't engage on the economy. Poll after poll of "voters are concerned about the economy" and did the messaging evolve?

"oh well young men are evil and hopeless." SHE COULD HAVE GONE ON JOE FUCKING ROGAN AND HE WOULD HAVE THROWN HER SOFTBALLS FOR TWO HOURS LIKE HE DOES WITH EVERYONE BUT THE CAMPAIGN WANTED SPECIAL TREATMENT SO YOU KNOW WHO CAME TO JOE ROGAN, LIKE EVERY GUEST DOES? DO YOU KNOW WHO DID A FUCKIN THREE HOUR INTERVIEW WITH THE MOST POPULAR PODCAST GUY IN THE NATION? Fucking Trump did.

"Oohhh these voters are UNREACHABLE! this is all inevitable!"

it wasn't! stop being so defeatist already! we could LEARN SOMETHING for next time here but we WON'T if your worldview stops at "well we did everything right and nothing matters. Everyone else is wrong and I don't have to change my behavior at all."

[girl4music]

GABRIELLE: “But, Xena, it was one of my favourite scrolls. A new one charting our history through the prism of time. It was-“

XENA: "a more intimate examination of our relationship and on and on. You've been talking about it ever since we left Paraeus."

Damn. I want to read that scroll. It sounds interesting.

I definitely find it interesting how even though they’re both searching for their individual Way this season, that Xena wants to distance herself from Gabrielle because of that vision constantly playing in her head of them dying, but Gabrielle just wants to get closer and closer.

Again - the romantic fantasy of it all is what’s driving that for her. What she’s writing about in her scrolls is from her perspective so regardless of it being non-fiction, you can definitely tell that she’s embellishing.

See that’s why Xena doesn’t read them. It’s not that she doesn’t appreciate the immense faith and trust Gabrielle has in her but she’s not ready to see herself as the legendary romantic hero Gabrielle paints her as. She’s not ready to see herself through Gabrielle’s eyes.

All she wants is to just keep her alive and she figures that driving her away is the most effective way to do that even if it’s painful for the both of them. She’s wrong of course but because that’s how she feels about herself, then she’s not in a place to recognize that.

So Gabrielle keeps writing. Keeps making her the hero.

Hoping, praying that one day Xena will allow herself to see herself in the way that is the truth of her character.

Embellished or not. And it’s ironic how one of the main confessions Xena has before they’re crucified is that.

That she wishes that she had read her scrolls just once. Gabrielle replying back with that she would have liked them. And she would have. Gabrielle was never lying because love doesn’t lie. But it does alter things. It puts things into a perspective that may be emphasised for the reality of what is actually going on in that moment.

And it’s not until they’re dead and they ascend heaven together that Xena drops this defeatist attitude that her acts of goodness will never amount to anything for her.

Because that’s really not the point. And it never was.

You do good for the sake of doing good. Forever loop.

That’s it. The end. What happens after is not dependent on what was done. It’s only dependent on who you are. And as complex as this narrative is with Xena, what the story is really getting at is that she’s already redeemed.

But the only one that’s saying that isn’t so is herself. So if not for Gabrielle’s scrolls no one that doesn’t know her personally would ever truly learn this about Xena.

That she’s a martyr on to herself and always will be. She’s the only witness to her very own Greek tragedy because everybody else that matters has nothing but love for her. And that’s because of Gabrielle’s words.

They’re not wrong. But they’re not entirely the reality. There is no romantic fantasy. There is no legendary romantic hero. What there is is a woman who tries and also a woman that loves that she never stops. It only reads as a romance because Gabrielle is the author.

But that’s the story the creators wanted to tell with it. Not just ‘Ides’ but the entirety of Season 4. In the pursuit of searching for their Way they found their love.

Suddenly all the lead stories are inextricably combined.

The redemption story.

The coming-of-age story.

The love story.

And the major element to what made it so is the scrolls. So when we watch the show we’re not watching an historically accurate account because we only ever see it our own way regardless of the information provided.

So long as you’ve made your peace with that, then XENA is a great ride that you don’t want to get off of.

[nerves-nebula]

Thinking abt alternate time line Leo

Abt how the abuse became so much worse after the others got away

Or maybe just more noticeable?

Reminds me of how I thought I wasn’t neglected, just poor, until I was the last one left. Half my siblings ran away, the other moved for school. My parents had gotten promotions, raises and even better jobs since when I was little. I didn’t ask for much, aside from having a part time job by then I also just never asked for stuff, wanted or needed. Yet we were suddenly running out of food in our fridge, suddenly they weren’t paying for the one field trip they always set aside money for, suddenly I was getting a winter coat as my only Christmas present instead of as a necessary expense at the beginning of winter since I didn’t have one

We couldn’t see the neglect bc the worst of it was mitigated by our siblings. But when they were gone and things should’ve gotten better (by our parent’s logic) it got so much worse

I didn’t ask for much so I got nothing

Leo followed the rules so he got broken

I didn’t ask for much so I got nothing

um ow haha same ow ow ow. so like why would u do this to me.

no but fr. I ALSO learned that being quiet and obedient and trying to make ur parents lives easier by not being a burden is how you get NOTHING EVER and grow BITTER about it and end up so severely emotionally neglected that no normal relationship ever feels like enough. but then again im young so, there's still time. no need to be defeatist about it i suppose!

but yeah idk it's like. guh. idk. it's not exactly the same on my end but it was always weird that even once she had less and less kids to support things never seemed to get better around our house, like, physically. even though mom worked just as much as always. i thought it was cuz of like The Economy and Money Being Hard but now im not so sure.

and it certainly was strange that despite there being half as many kids at home she didn't make any more of an effort to like. spend time with the ones who still had, heff.

then again this is a woman who's so uninterested in her kids lives outside of what they can do for her, that she just kind of let one of her kids be homeless for a few years. she also doesn't know where I live (this was intentional on my part) but she isn't really concerned about that??? at most she's annoyed I don't want her knowing where I RESIDE. but it's not like parental concern hah, it's like, indigence that I won't reveal my location to her.

ok now i'm rambling, this is making me feel things :')

[egg-emperor]

Your analysis has been really interesting to read through, but ngl the whole mess around text interpretation has led me to ruminate on the fandom's doings a little. This probably will turn into disjointed ramblings, so please bear with me.

What I think is causing this cognitive dissonance is exactly that cutesy framing of some of Eggman and Sage's moments. Like, I don't believe that Sage was intentionally made to soften Eggman up or something, I believe that he can play the "family" act to keep her loyal to him. However, I won't deny that during my watch of a friend playing it, this specific framing left a slightly weird aftertaste, which I now see is what can easily cause so many misinterpretations of the scenes. Like, for example, the memo with Sage's pronouns. After seeing a lot of talk around the memos in general, what seems to throw people off from thinking that Eggman could be just using this as yet another play into her view of him as her father to keep her loyal is "why does he suddenly care about endearing himself to his own creation when he freely disregarded his previous creations". It can be interpreted in character, but there's just a smidge of off-ness that can be hard to wash out for some.

Not gonna lie, I kinda envy the ability of people like to at least mostly ignore the majority of the fandom's shenanigans and drama, cause I think that also plays a part imo, specifically this weird need to somehow ingratiate Sonic as a series to the mainstream, generally non-fan crowd. Like, the onus obviously should be on the people who misinterpret the text and see what's not there, yet these people also tend to be the loudest. And most non-fans seeing it just assume that's what the fandom as a whole thinks, and that's what the text actually is about. After all, nowadays Sonic is all but advertised as "its a kids game for babies so don't think about the story too much, it doesnt make sense in the end anyway", even by fans trying to genuinely recommend the series sometimes. And you'd think that there'd be pushback against this sort of mentality, but somehow, a majority of the Sonic fandom remains almost... defeatist? Like, either they can't argue to save their lives or just passively accept the misinformation. The people actually doing the analysis and all get disregarded as no-life nerds and are told that "no amount of analysis can make a product worth the money".

It's just... I dunno how or why or when it all started going like this, but at some point, the way people talked about media in general just caused immensely screwed. Discussions only seem to happen when someone wants to further validate their pre-established biases about a thing and it all just feels wrong.

Thank you, I appreciate you taking the time to read and consider my analysis.

We seem to feel quite similarly. I'm not a fan of the cutesy framing of certain moments because it's not my thing and definitely makes it easier for fans to misinterpret. The casual fan, especially if they don't catch all context in the memos and apply them to the scenes to notice the undertones and understand Eggman's side of the dynamic, or if they're the kind who that stuff can appeal to and affect emotionally/they'd rather ignore the more unsettling aspects in discomfort, they're going to get it wrong.

I think the cutscenes mostly have the issue of focusing too much on Sage's side of the dynamic over Eggman's. A bunch of most important details of Eggman's side comes from the memos, which is great from the standpoint of being right from his personal perspective and words, so we get to know exactly how he thinks and feels- but not so great for those who won't listen or piece together what they learned from them with the scenes for needed context.

But Sage wasn't supposed to soften Eggman up. In the story he's still a bad guy wanting to do bad, wishing he could get out of Cyber Space to, and Sage appeals because of what she can do for him, how she's crucial to his survival, supports his desire for world domination and shows undying loyalty. The way some moments are framed as cute doesn't take away from it, a unhealthy dynamic can appear as cute and wholesome with unsettling undertones.

Ian Flynn pretty much describes it that way by saying you're supposed to feel happy for Sage but Eggman is a bad person and warming up to it for all the wrong reasons. It's intentionally more complex than what the loudest people who love and hate it are saying. I can see what Flynn means because all the pieces are there in the actual game for me to point out and analyze. They just could've been emphasized a bit more.

All you need is the memo where he talks about liking how Sage is loyal and efficient and accepting the father role because it can emphasize his genius and the pride he can take as her creator, then apply it to every interaction and you can see it. Eggman can play the act to appeal to Sage's desire for that dynamic and praise her actions as a way to further encourage her for her loyalty and efficiency, all for those selfish benefits.

It's how manipulation works and Eggman absolutely can and will play up the part with these conditions for the benefits, he's done similarly in the past. It's intentionally not done in the common verbal and physical abns!ve way like he does most commonly with his other creations, it's more emotionally manipulative. It makes the most sense for how he wants to further encourage her good work and loyalty, not lose it.

I can get why you felt that way. It's part of why I had the wrong idea of Frontiers Eggman's at first and it ruined my first experience playing it. The cute framing of certain moments, combined with fans taking these scenes and latching onto the misinterpretations from the moment it dropped and drilling into your head how they think we should think and feel while ignoring key details that disprove it, made me believe it for too long.

But had I not seen the misinterpretation and paid attention and did my usual analysis, which I closed my mind to in my first playthrough in ignorance, I would've caught on a lot faster. Just like how knowing what I know now after properly analyzing it then going into Final Horizon and avoiding what fandom was saying, made my experience more pleasant and let me think and interpret for myself. The fandom is still mostly to blame.

Yeah, the cute moments can give the wrong idea when you don't have all the context. But the context is in the game to piece together and understand why it's happening in a way that works for Eggman's character. I also think while he is of course playing the act, it's also framed cute as it is because we're seeing it more from Sage's side in the scenes, as it's a very different vibe in the memos where it's actually Eggman's side.

Maybe always being able to see the worst in Eggman (positively and affectionately lol 🥰💜) helps but I only see the memos as unsettling now. His creation starts to appear as more of a person to him so he thinks about how he can use it to his benefit by taking pride in his impressive scientific ability to create something so life-like as an artificial creation over the unimpressive traditional organic way he scoffs at and expresses aversion to.

He says if he created life it'd be "loyal and perfectly effective", which is fucked up thing to look for in your child, and says it's specifically because he's the genius creator/father, giving himself all credit and taking pride in her accomplishments as a reflection of his genius. It's selfish, egotistical, creepy, everything a parent shouldn't do. I can see what makes it unsettling in all his words. So many things are wrong with him I love it 😋💘

I really don't have much of an issue with that memo. It's one of the most misinterpreted but it's simply where he starts to realize that almost the whole time he's been calling her a "she" instead of an "it" like the program she was created to be. He actually starts just five after first mentioning her, in memo 13. He subconsciously sees her as a person and refers to her like such that fast due to how human and life-like she is.

Three memos after he's like wait why am I calling it a she? And wonders whether to call her an it like the program she was created to be or a she like he's seeing her as instead. Then another three after comes the disturbing memo about him creating life, so him establishing whether he's going to call her "she" or not leads to him thinking about how he can take pride and credit in her by establishing himself as her genius creator/father.

It's another of those cases where if context is removed it's more likely for people to get the wrong idea, especially if they're the type to be blinded by the cuteness factor but when you have the context of before and after and considering the important terms of why he values her at all with the she's an impressive life-like loyal and efficient creation and her dad is a genius memo, again it makes sense and is in character.

The "she's the best" line is one of the only parts I'd change, he's far too egotistical to say that about anyone else. It doesn't make sense because the whole reason he values her is what she does for him and the pride he can take in her, literally because he sees himself as the best person ever lol. Just specifying what she's the best of, like of his creations or something would've worked, not making it sound like he's saying in general.

But guess what? Apparently it was changed in Japanese in the translation I saw, to say she was just doing great or something lol. It's a case where I can make sense of it in English as her being the best in a specific area can again give himself credit as the creator as he's intentionally supposed to but the word choice was poor. But every time I felt a line should've been changed a bit, the Japanese version had me covered. XD

Back to the point- it's also important to consider that he's praising her in this memo with the important preface of saying that Sage has been crucial to his survival in Cyber Space and listing the ways she has served him well. It's on the condition of him getting something out of it every time. And in memo 19 we know he wants to take pride in her skill and accomplishments and take credit as her creator, so any praise is self praise.

So I can't be mad at the game, I think even in moments that had some level of cuteness factor to appeal to those into that which certainly worked on them, there was established context that made it work and in character, enough to piece it together and understand it. But some people's minds go blank with the "aww so cute" reaction and desire for it to be simply pure and wholesome so they don't think about it any more to do so.

I've been learning to avoid it just by stepping back from fandom because I'm less interested the more I see the drama and bad takes. Now I only see things if I'm forcibly subjected through someone else putting it on my dash/it's recommended/etc. A large majority of fandom is anti canon and literally admit it so I feel like I don't belong in it as a huge fan of it that enjoys celebrating it in my fan creations and discussions.

It suffers from the simplification and sanitization that modern fandom tends to do now, so they can fit all characters and stories into certain boxes and use them as bases to project fan character traits and concepts onto instead of celebrating canon. It makes it more appealing and mainstream and easier to consume by the crowd that stuff succeeds in appealing to. It's to the point it replaces people's memory/idea of it.

So of course from the outside looking in especially, non fans are going to believe that's what the text actually contains, especially since they get exposure to the fandom's twisting of canon and it's drilled into their heads how to think and feel about it by them, before they've even seen the games themselves. Then they find it hard to shut that out and look at the games alone for what they are. That happened to me with Frontiers.

Then of course you have people acting like the series "is just for babies and inconsistent and not good anyway you shouldn't think too hard about it", as if Sega JP especially haven't shown themselves to be incredibly passionate about the stories and characters they write. It is supposed to be that deep lol. And thinking that deeply is a good thing, as if it's better than just shutting our minds off and consume product.

That's why I've allowed myself to think as deeply as I want about Frontiers. I love analyzing every moment and line down to the last word and detail. Regardless of opinion on the concepts and how they were executed, it was intended to be thought about. I don't think it should be considered micro analyzing and thinking too hard about something ever. I'm looking at it in ways official writers have described it to be anyway.

The mentality is popular so there isn't much pushback. Plus I'm starting to see it in both people who say they don't like the games and those who say they're fans so I feel alienated for wanting to think deeper and seeing there can be more than meets the eye with characters and scenes. While clarification can be important so things aren't misinterpreted quite as easily, it's nice for there to be stuff to think about.

Nobody really wants to debate and discuss now. A majority intentionally oppose learning more about the media or hearing out other people. They take the challenging of one's perspective or a disagreement as an argument and act like it's intended as hate from the other person when that's not the case. They're like "I don't want to change my opinion, nobody can convince me, let me enjoy things how I want", etc.

I myself was a bit ignorant at first on the topic of Frontiers. I was convinced I didn't like Eggman's portrayal but it was all based on what fandom was telling me it was and how to feel when the actual game was actually way different. When I finally took suggestions of new perspectives, then shut fandom out and focused solely on canon with my mind open and willing to analyze it again, I saw it in a new light and enjoyed it.

Now some certainly think I'm a low life nerd, as I've been told "it's nice to be a fan until it "becomes serious" and by people saying they don't care what I have to say as if I have to do exactly what they want- because it's bad to be passionate and wanting to think deeply about something I guess. :P I'd rather be doing that than shutting it down. Canon is cool, analysis is good, being passionate and thinking about stuff is fun.

You really hit the nail on the head with that. I've always enjoyed being open minded, analyzing media carefully, hearing out different perspectives, and having discussions. But I made the mistake myself at one point with Frontiers and I regret it because as soon as I realized I almost became what I was against and changed it for the better, it became a lot more enjoyable again. It's always good to stay open minded!

[silver-wield]

Hmm about them being slightly off in Zack world. I wondered since aerith has shit take on people Consistently (including Zack 😡) would they appear like that because of it? Like kyrie (bitchy) might have been mean to her so she looks worse there, she doesn't know marlene (bratty) i think she's projecting herself on the poor kid, and elmyra (defeatist) we know her but she probably never understood her mom. Anyway, I don't know why I correlate her with that world but it would be fascinating.

Do you think it's possible for another Tifa in the other world? I think you mentioned this before but I'm not sure. All I know is that the pamphlet tells biggs is the only one alive.

if my take was a thing, I wonder how she would describe npc tifa..

I was having a think about the "scruffy stamp" world and there's definitely a lot wrong with it.

Okay, so right from the prologue we know this isn't the main scenario, but it has links to the main scenario.

We know Cloud, Tifa, Barret, Red and Aerith were on the expressway. We know Red, Tifa, Barret and Aerith were pulled from the rubble. We know Cloud is out there with his buster sword.

There's three helicopters when Zack goes to save Aerith. Red is dead in one. Zack destroys one. The other is still on the ground when Zack runs off with Aerith.

We have no confirmation Barret and Tifa were in the downed copter. We still don't know where Cloud is.

I think we kinda forgot Cloud's running around somewhere in this world while Zack has a comatose one with him. And where did he get that one?

Zack died.

After he died he picked up comatose Cloud, but that Cloud isn't from the scruffy stamp world. That's real Cloud. Isn't it? It's what soldier boi left behind when he started his slow ass walk to Midgar, although admittedly it seems to have taken less time than it took Zack.

Cloud got there a week ago. It took Zack a week to walk the same distance Cloud did for him to arrive at the aftermath of ch18.

So we have a missing Cloud, Barret and Tifa in the scruffy stamp world, and a comatose Cloud who doesn't belong there.

Marlene is the version Aerith saved, but nothing she says makes any sense. She doesn't act like the Marlene we saw in seventh heaven or talking to Barret.

Elmyra seems consistent, but we really didn't see much of her besides those few scenes where she worried about Aerith.

Biggs is from the main scenario world and crossed over the same way Zack has, so his account fits the Cloud we know there.

Kyrie is a typical brat who hasn't learned her lessons yet. Tbf she's the same at the start of kids are alright, so it takes a while for her to grow up.

The unconscious Aerith is the one with all the knowledge though. The one who the whispers kept attacking to steal it away. So what happens when that one wakes up? She knows things. She knows Cloud and Tifa are in love. She knows what happened to everyone. She's the one who was so happy to "meet" Tifa and acted like they were best friends from minute one.

Lot to think about.