#what has gotten into this community now...its so heartbreaking

[space-mist]

in the wake of everything else it's. also a real damn shame how the community has torn itself apart over all the limbus controversy and other people's opinions. harassment has been at an all time high and it's making people incredibly volatile, and if not that, incredibly depressed. the community before limbus was much quieter and kinder to itself and others, and now people are killing each other over a gacha and the idea that you can't have nuance. someone saying that they want people to stop fighting isn't automatically a project moon dicksucker, and people who are still disappointed in the company and want to cut their ties aren't automatically all haters that want to see the company and everyone a part of it, regardless of what they've done, go under and be destroyed.

it's just. god i'm tired of it all. isn't anyone else tired of the constant warring between people?

[actual-changeling]

we do not talk enough about the moment right before crowley puts his sunglasses back on. the "nothing lasts forever" is devastating and if you're like me your eyes were so full of tears you couldn't see the screen the first time you watched it (just like crowley, look at us all twinning in sadness!).

there is a shift that happens in his eyes and i think it is absolutely fascinating and heartbreaking at the same time.

we begin with crowley averting his gaze from aziraphale's face and staring off into the distance instead, and you can see his spirit break. that crowley just lost the one thing in the world he cannot live without and we can see it written across his face like a neon sign.

then, as you'd expect, he gives into the need to cover up his pain, to try and make himself less vulnerable, and even before he lifts his glasses he looks down so aziraphale can no longer see his eyes.

now, the next part is what would not let me out of its grasp all day. we know it happens because of his demeanour afterwards and up until the kiss, but you can actually watch as crowley makes himself numb to the world.

i am intimately familiar with dissociation as a trauma and stress response, and while you can never fully control it, you do eventually find the switch in your mind that makes you snap back into the haze. crowley has had six thousand years to get really, really good at leaving reality behind when he needs and/or wants to.

that's exactly what he does.

he still looks sad, and yet there's just something distinctly distant in his eyes, the shift from openly heartbroken to "i don't want to feel any of this let me leave".

glasses? on

emotions? off

hotel? trivago

i have stared at those four frames more than any person probably should and i don't know if it's the light, if i am going insane, or if there is a single tear sliding out of his right (our left) eye. i'm probably insane and the light is a bitch so if anyone has some high resolution shots or anything that could answer that question without a doubt PLEASE do add it.

by now you are probably ready to threaten me with a knife in a dark alley but before you do that or drive your car off a cliff, let me tell you the best part:

aziraphale notices.

they might be communicating on two different frequencies but aziraphale knows crowley. he knows and loves him, and, most importantly, over the last few years he has gotten used to seeing crowley without his glasses. aziraphale could probably write a book on the expressions in his eyes alone and watches that shift happen and is devastated.

look.

he tries to make himself hope the same second, tries to convince himself crowley is putting on his glasses so they can leave together, but he knows.

aziraphale sees the light leave crowley's eyes, sees crowley leave, knowing that he is quite literally running away from him. you and me against the world, angel, but in that moment crowley firmly pushes him back to "the world" (or tries to, anyway).

the entire season we see crowley take off his glasses whenever he enters the bookshop to the point where he's running around without them on in broad daylight with jimbriel right there.

can you imagine how hurt and confused aziraphale must be?

because what crowley is telling him, if we really, really break it down, is that aziraphale is no longer a safe person for him. and repairing that trust is going to take time and work, no matter how much crowley loves him, how badly they love and need each other.

anyway to seal this off and really rub in the pain - how it started vs. how it ended. <3

oh one last thing: now crowley no longer has a single person he can be himself around, no one that knows him, no one he trusts. no one in whose presence he can take his glasses off.

and outside of the bentley and his own flat, he no longer has a place to do so either. the bookshop was theirs. with aziraphale gone, is it really a safe place anymore? is it somewhere he can just let himself be knowing he will be looked after and protected?

easy answer: no.

alright, off i go. see y'all on the next angst post or in the tags.

[notjustjavierpena]

(Mid)summer Loving

Main Masterpost | Support a disabled creator

A/N: Yes, based on that new picture. I’ll call this my first contribution to getting railed in a sundress season. 

Summary: The last two years of being with Joel has transformed the both of you. Mostly him. For the better. 

Pairing: Joel Miller x f!reader/you (no y/n)

Tags: +18 smut, joel���s kink is being loved and appreciated, long haired joel!!!, healthy joel, established relationship, piv sex, size kink (it's big), rough, loud and desperate sex, dirty talk, praise kink, creampie, railed in a sundress season contribution, they are so soft for each other, bit of aftercare. 

Word count: 3.1k

Link to this work on AO3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/55988128

(Mid)summer Loving

It happens when you hear him through the crowd of people in the community center. Your head whips in his direction, your eyes settling on the crinkles around his eyes as he laughs at something Tommy has said to him. He swirls the whiskey in his glass and downs it with slight difficulty because he is still smiling. 

You are only a table away, sitting with some of the women from your patrol group who gossip about potential suitors in the room, especially amongst the newcomers. However, you don’t really pay attention to what is being said because the love of your life sits across from you. It makes you able to admire him, struck by his transformation since he first came to Jackson and barged into your life. Your heart is so soft for him. 

The most obvious change is the hair. It’s gotten longer, the ends curling slightly in a way that softens his otherwise rugged appearance of big leather boots and tripled layered clothing. He used to have it shorter, and while you loved its fluffy bounce on top of his head whenever it was caught in the wind, it doesn’t compare to how it now frames his face by just brushing his collar in the back. It may be a subtle shift to others but to you, it means that Joel is more at ease with who and where he is, and that he has allowed change to find him.

His beard, too, has filled out. It is now thick and even, not at all the patchy scruff that you noticed the first time he talked to you by the rag pile in the trading center. He’d searched for fabric that could be used for shining the creations that he makes when seeking respite in wood carving. You had noticed the patch that resembled a heart first, your own heart skipping a beat as you forced yourself not to point it out to him immediately. That patch is gone but you’ll spend no time mourning it when the result is Joel looking healthier than ever, almost as if his body has responded to happiness with you by filling in all the gaps that heartbreak had left. 

Then there’s his face. It glows, despite his age, with a newfound youth, the signs of weariness and stress of years lived too hard it once bore completely wiped away. When you first met him, your heart had ached for his tired eyes, bags underneath them revealing all the sleepless nights and the burdens that he carried. The way they shine when they look into yours has your heart at ease and you can only hope he feels the same. 

Around you, the women keep chatting, talking animatedly and giggling while you sip your drink and stay silent until they are nothing but a low hum in the background. 

You only snap out of it when your name is said out loud. You furrow your brow, “Sorry?”

“I said that you don’t have to worry about things like this,” one of them chirps happily, “You already got your man.”

“Guess not, guess you’re right,” you chuckle softly and start to feel shy. You have never been one to be glaringly obvious in your happiness to the point where you display it at every opportunity but then Joel came along. He may worry about the gap of years between the two of you, often feeling undeserving of your love and attention but you only wish that he could see himself from your point of view. To you, he is everything. He doesn’t see how his presence calms and grounds you, how he makes you feel safe even in a world beyond repair. In his embrace, you feel even the biggest of anxieties and the worst of your challenges shrink into nothing. All he has to do is put his gentle, calloused hands on you and talk to you in that familiar southern drawl, and then your mind quiets down instantaneously.

However, if not his hands or his voice, his loving gaze also seems to do the trick. He suddenly turns his head in your direction, catching your eyes, and the sound of the lively conversations from each table mutes to nothing. He smiles at you and mouths a ‘you okay?’ at you. 

‘Save me’ you decide to mouth back at him, making a face to see him smile with amusement. He slaps his brother’s back before putting both hands on the table to push himself to stand. You didn’t think he would take it seriously but just the sight of seeing him approach you makes you want to go home with him. 

“Ready to go, honey?” He asks when he reaches your table, placing a hand on your shoulder and gently squeezing. 

“Hi Joel,” your friend group says in unison.

“Ladies,” he nods and they giggle like schoolgirls, “Gotta get this one home.”

You shake your head with a little smile at their reaction. Then you swing your legs over the side of the chair. Joel helps you up and a moment after having said your goodnights, you leave together like you’ve done for a few years now. 

Outside, people are scattered across the town square where a huge bonfire has been erected in the spot where the Christmas tree usually stands. Today is the annual midsummer celebration. Jackson is decorated with bundles of flowers that have replaced the painted eggs that tell people it is Easter. You smile at the memory of Ellie having been forced to join in on getting people in the spirit of Easter which had resulted in you trying to guess which of the eggs hanging from the sky had been crafted by the angry teen. You had decided that it might’ve been the one painted completely black.

Now, bright colors from nature hover above your head instead as you make your way down the main road. Joel holds your hand all the way home. He strokes the back of it with his thumb, feeling no pressure to fill up the silence between you as it has reached a point where it is comfortable. 

When you reach your shared house, Joel stops you by the front door instead of opening it for you in the gentlemanly way he always does. He stands in front of you, the porch light softening his features as he gazes at you.

“You seemed a bit distracted with your friends tonight,” he notes, “Is everythin’ alright?” 

“Just thinking about how lucky I am,” you answer with a smile, your voice sincere, “To have you.”

“I’m the lucky one, baby,” Joel huffs out a little laugh of disbelief, trying to brush off how flattered he always feels each time you say things like this. He gathers your hand in both of his, lifting it to kiss the back of it a few times, “Best fuckin’ thing that ever happened after the world ended.” 

“Don’t let Ellie hear that,” you tease gently. In your chest, your heart hammers against your ribs from being loved by him. 

“I’d never dream of it,” he steps closer with his eyes burning to get closer to you. You see them darken slightly as desire fills them and your heart jumps into your throat at the realization of what he wants. 

You. 

He wants you. 

That’s the one thing that has also changed since you met him; he has become much more untameable when he has you around. Who knew that his stamina was so impressive? Who knew that Joel Miller getting a confession of love - whether it consisted of the actual words or simply was said in your actions - would have him dragging you to somewhere private as soon as possible? 

“I love you, Joel Miller,” you say dreamily, pulling the trigger, “To the day that I die.”

And then suddenly Joel rips the door open so roughly that you’re afraid it might come off its hinges, pulls you inside along with him and slams it shut behind the both of you afterward. He locks it without hesitation, not about to be interrupted by any of your neighbors even if it’s most likely that everyone is out and about the town to be social. 

You are pressed up against the door next, his broad hands resting on your hips as he holds you against it. He bunches up the skirt of your sundress, groping your sides on top of the fabric, and you sling an arm around his back. Your other arm reaches up so you can cup the back of his head, your fingers sliding into the hair there. He has the perfect length for pulling these days - you should know - but you’ll wait for the right moment. 

His lips nearly bruise yours with how hard he kisses you, beard scratching your skin as he practically eats at your mouth to the point where your head swims and your belly swirls with hours of suppressed desire. You need him now, already soaked through your underwear and ready for him to be inside of you.

“Fuck me,” you whine against his lips, heart beating rapidly in your chest. So much that your breathing is already uneven, “Please, Joel, please.”

“S’alright, baby, I know whatcha need,” he rasps as his lips messily start descending on your chin, all the way across your jaw until his mouth attaches to your throat. You let your head bump against the door with a breathy moan, giving him access to bruise your neck too. He creates a purple mark that you will try to hide tomorrow during patrol to avoid interrogation on how Joel Miller is in bed. Only you can know. 

Your skirt falls down the slight amount it has been pulled up when Joel goes to unbuckle his leather belt. The noise of the metal sends a shiver through you, anticipation rising to your cheeks by heating them up underneath no touch. You look down to see the belt hanging open, him shoving the denim down around his thighs afterward and following up with his briefs too. 

The sight of his cock makes your mouth water. He is fully hard already, standing into the air at full attention and threatening to smear your pretty dress with his precome by poking into your belly if he dares get closer. You moan pathetically and he shushes you gently. 

“I know, sweetheart, I know,” he soothes you like he would a child that has scraped their knee. He curls his fingers in the fabric of your dress once more before hiking it up along your thighs until he can stuff the bottom of the skirt into the top of your dress, effectively holding it up so it doesn’t fall down over your soaked panties again. 

You grab at the sides of your underwear to shimmy out of them but Joel doesn’t exercise enough patience to wait for you to step out of them, so he hooks his fingers into the front. He finds your eyes when he feels how wet the cotton fabric is, doesn’t directly say anything about it but just shows you how full-blown his pupils are at the realization. Without warning, he yanks your panties to the side. 

Satisfied with his work, he makes you gasp as he bends his knees to reach down and splay his strong hands on the back of your thighs. He lifts you off the ground and wraps you around him, pressing his knee into the door to hold you up while guiding his throbbing cock into you. You moan desperately at the initial sting, brows furrowing with slight pain as he sheaths himself inside of you to the hilt. 

“Oh my God,” you whimper, letting his name fall from your lips in a helpless chant as he pulses from how your walls choke him as you strain to take him like you always do in the beginning. He might just split you open right here in the hallway when he starts fucking you. 

“Shh, you can take it,” he whispers with the most brutally gentle peck on your zipped lips, “It’s okay. She knows it’s big, baby, but she can take it. I always fuck ya real good, don’t I?” 

You nod helplessly, and fuck you, he does. It’s fast and hard and dirty. The poor wooden door rattles alongside the jingle of his belt buckle with each slam of his hips, the doorknob painfully gnawing into your lower back, and you fear the fabric of your underwear will snap from the strain that is put on it as it sits to the side. Sometimes you think you might even cut a hole in some of your pairs with how often Joel, still two years later, rushes to get his cock into you. There’s something oddly satisfying and offensive about just being able to bend over and let him see that all he has to do is push in. 

“That’s it, look at me, baby, such a good girl f��me,” he praises to get you back to him, not here to lose your attention to the way his cock feels inside of your tight heat. Your eyes settle on him again, your mouth hanging open to elicit pathetic gasps each time he knocks the wind out of you by driving his hips up into you and effectively pounding your g-spot. His face is so close to you; you can feel his breath and share it with him, can study every little imperfection in the form of tiny scars and dark lines that you hadn’t been able to see earlier from your seat a few tables over. 

“Joel,” you pant, digging your heels into the small of his back, clinging on desperately and angling your hips as he has his way with you. The slight adjustment has him going deeper, touching something inside of you that ignites the first sparks of an orgasm. Your nails claw, dig and scratch at his back in ways that would have been enough to draw blood if he wasn’t wearing a shirt, “Fuck, baby! Don’t— ngh, don’t stop.”

“You feel so good,” he replies with a groan, most likely powering through the exhaustion and strain on his body to make you feel even better. He is everywhere on you, his hands on your thighs, gripping and squeezing. He is everywhere in you too, his cock twitching inside of you each time you cry his name.

“I’m—“ you sob.

“Let go, baby, I can feel ya,” he growls when you dance around the edge of your orgasm because your fingers on both hands tangle into his beautifully chocolate hair, yanking harshly as impending pleasure knocks the breath out of your lungs. Your skin burns, your whole system halts and goes into overdrive at the same time until all you can do is shout silently at the ceiling. Your walls clench in mind-altering ecstasy then and your quietness is over, replaced by a relieved whine as you come on his dick. It is intense from how fast you’ve gotten there since he entered you, your body writhing as it is held against the wall. He fucks you through it, has you wailing as he chases his own high. 

You cradle his head during his last few thrusts, feeling his damp breath against your shoulder as he buries himself inside of your spent cunt and comes hard. It feels so good when he groans as he fills you up, the sound vibrating through his entire body. You whimper at the ceiling with the way he pulses deliciously with each breathy moan until he has no more to give you. 

He leans all his weight into you as he comes down again, holding you in place with his chest against yours to make sure that you won’t fall down and drag him with you. He gives you a moment and places a string of lazy kisses on your lips until he slips out of you with a soft sound. 

Carefully, he places you back down on the floor and eyes you as he does it to be certain you won’t collapse. He moves off of you when it feels safe to do so. 

“I say it back?” He asks as he leans against the door with you. Automatically, you tilt your head towards him. He glances at you out of the corner of his eye, turning his head a second later to fully look at your disheveled state. You have a hand on your chest to calm your breathing but it still matches your fluttering heartbeat. He still aches between your legs.

You look back at him, awaiting his words with short breaths, “Say what?”

He makes a gesture to the both of you, “Before what we just did happened. I tell ya that I love you too?” 

“No?” Your reply is almost a question. 

“Shame on me,” he smiles and turns his whole body so that he faces you completely, shoulder against the door. His eyes soften as he reaches out, his hand gently cupping your cheek. The warmth of his touch is nice when the sweat has started to cool you down, and you lean into his palm, feeling the roughness of his calloused skin against you. 

“Shame on me, indeed,” he murmurs, eyes on your slightly open mouth, “Because I do love ya. More than I can understand sometimes.”

“You don’t have to say it back every time, Joel. I know,” you try to brush off how much your body and mind buzz at the same time. 

He shakes his head slightly, his eyes never leaving your mouth, “No, I do needa say it. You deserve to hear it. I love you.”

You nod and reach to hold his wrist when he leans in to press a gentle kiss to your open mouth. Just a few minutes ago, the now-careful hands had been rough on your skin and his words had dripped with sin.

“Now, how ‘bout I take you to bed?” He asks and pulls your dress’ skirt out of the top, watching it tumble down and fall back into place around your knees. 

While you wait for him to get dressed again, fatigue seems to finally have caught up with you because you feel like you might collapse in your hallway at that suggestion. When it’s safe to do so, you let yourself fall into his arms and he catches you without hesitation. 

He scoops you up, goes upstairs with you in his arms, undresses you, washes you down with a warm flannel, and gets you into bed. You curl up on your side and after a while, after hearing his boots come off and the shuffling of clothes, the bed dips from his weight. 

The warmth of his body against your back lulls you to sleep. Oh, how simply he loves you. Forever doesn’t seem like a lot to ask for.

.

.

If you would like to follow my writing then go follow @notjustjavierpena-fics and turn on notifications 💖❤️

[connorsnothereeither]

Fable SMP has been an experience that has genuinely changed my life, in ways. I know I only came into it during the final season, but I was around before then too, and I adore this series, or project, or whatever you want to call it, from so many angles. First as a friend, and a fan, and finally now a collaborator, and a creator. I have gotten to work with some of my best friends, and made so many more in the process. It has genuinely been an honour and a privilege to work with so many amazing, talented, kind and creative people over my time in this space. I have learned skills and passions that I never knew I would, and it dragged me out of a creative rut I had been stuck in for a very long time.

I often joke around and talk about it as “the silly little minecraft story” and it is, to an extent, but it’s also so much more than that. It’s a story. Our story, that we got to tell, and that effected us and so many people in so many ways. One that had made me laugh and cry and that I have poured my heart and soul into. And now from the end I can look back and see how beautiful and elaborate and funny and heartbreaking this story is. I can see the creativity and the passion that everyone involved put into making it what it is. And from the end it is so… wonderful. It is something I am so incredibly proud of. I am proud to be a part of it, despite its ups and downs, and I so proud of the people who were involved. Who have made so much. I could not ask to have told this story with a better group of people, and I could not have asked for a better story to be invited into.

It has been a story, and an experience, and friendships that I am genuinely going to cherish.

It’s strange to consider this a goodbye to Fable SMP. Because in my mind it’s not, really. Fable isn’t gone. It’s not going anywhere. It’s still here. The story is there to be rewatched again and again, as many times as we want. I’m certainly not done stewing in this world and retelling it personally (just look at how much is left of Brink-) and I don’t think the fandom is either. Hell, I don’t think a lot of the cast are ready to leave it behind entirely. We’re still around. Fable is still around. We just get to view it in a different light. We get to look back on it, and immerse ourselves again, and see all that we missed the first time in the rush of flipping through the chapters.

So this is not a goodbye to Fable. But it is a thank you. A thank you to the cast, who made such an amazing story, made such an amazing environment to create in, and who gave me so many amazing opportunities. And it is a thank you, so so much, to the community, who got as attached to our characters as we did; played along with our silly games and codes; who encouraged me as I delved into this new way of storytelling for the first time; and who helped make the entire series what it was.

Thank you, truly.

- Connor

[crispycreambacon]

Ending April with a small parting gift. I’m gonna miss this.

Anyways, an announcement of my own.

The short of it

I’m leaving the Watcher fandom. Don’t worry, I won’t be unfollowing anyone, but I will be ceasing the creation of art for Watcher and interaction with the community at large. Thank you all for this short but meaningful ride. Feel free to unfollow me if you were here for Watcher art, and for those who stick around…

Thank you :]

I hope to not disappoint with this new era of mine.

The long of it

It’s been a couple of days since a certain channel dropped an announcement that imploded its fandom. It was… a mess. A lot—and I mean a lot—of us didn’t handle the news well, and we made that known to everyone. The impact was so massive that YouTubers, who are nowhere near the niche that Watcher operates under, covered the situation, and some of them explained very well why the decision went over so poorly. Meanwhile some of them made fun of the situation, and some were just there for the clicks, but that’s the cycle of YouTube drama for you.

With the amount of ears waiting for even a peep out of their mouths, Watcher couldn’t ignore the backlash any longer and released an apology video three days after the announcement. By all accounts, it was a pretty good response. The reception was mixed, but it was definitely more well-received than their first video, and they actually listened to their fans who gave them valid criticism over the sudden shift to a streaming service.

However…

For as much as I appreciate their response, I still can’t find it in myself to continue following Watcher. I really mean it when I say this disaster soured any enjoyment I had for them. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to watch them again for a long time without thinking about this situation or remembering the people they have hurt, even if unintentionally, through their poor execution of a business decision.

Do I believe they could’ve pulled off moving their content to a streaming service? Absolutely. However, so many factors doomed this decision and their announcement from the start from them believing that $5.99/month was “affordable to everyone” (seriously?) to them insisting that this was for the fans even though the fans have vocalized that they were never there for the high production value. They were there because the three guys who run Watcher were enjoyable!

I feel like if they had been honest about the fact that the TV quality they are aiming for was more for themselves than anyone–hell, it’s the mission statement in their About page, and, I don’t know, considered the idea that $6 is not cheap, especially for international fans, people wouldn’t have gotten so angry at them. Now, there are still numerous issues plaguing this business model, but to go through all of the arguments would require a separate post, and I’ve already expended too much energy on this situation. Needless to say, Watcher has burnt their bridges, and it will take a while before they can build them back up again, let alone get people to trust them enough to cross them.

On the other hand, I can’t blame Watcher fully for my departure. Despite my heavy disagreement with their initial decision, I understand why they thought this decision was a good idea in the first place as YouTube is a very unstable career path, and it would rather hurt its creators with its relentless demonetization, censorship and restrictive guidelines than give up just a tiny amount of its profit. Besides, they’re in control of their content, and they could do what they want with it even if their fans disagreed with them.

Speaking of the fans, my god. The situation revealed a side of the fandom that I never thought I would see, but in hindsight, I should have seen it coming. To see fans resort to anti-Asian racism and death threats so quickly was extremely heartbreaking, and as an Asian person, it made me feel very unsafe and unwelcome in the community.

Moreover, using Steven as a scapegoat to absolve Ryan and Shane of any wrongdoing was unfortunately a very common response. Yes, he is the CEO, and yes, his series being centered on traveling and eating expensive food really doesn’t paint him in a positive light, but need I remind you that RYAN AND SHANE ARE GROWN ADULTS. They’re the founders of Watcher, and they both have to agree to the initial plan for it to be implemented. You can’t assume that Steven was a boogeyman terrorizing your precious little boys just based on a 15-minute video. You don’t know what’s going on behind the scenes.

All of this to say that the initial announcement combined with how the community reacted violently to the announcement really nipped my interest in Watcher in the bud. It was a shame too because I really did love Watcher, and I still do. Had it not been for the time I invested in following them, I wouldn’t have made great friends, regained the joy in creating art–even reviving a hobby/skill that I assumed was long dead, and had a reason to be able to laugh or smile even in terrible days. I truly am grateful for Watcher, and I do not regret ever getting into them at all. However, I think it’s time for me to go.

Thank you all for this weird and wonderful ride, but at some point, you’ll have to hop off. I just didn’t expect to hop off it so soon.

[send-me-a-puffalope]

Nat rambling about the entire plot of Pretty Perfect Lives for way too long because autism hyperfixation doesn’t stop for no one.

I came for Elizabeth Lail, left debating with my friend about what the fuck I just watched /pos. I was so deeply invested so here��s me just explaining the plot of the entire show:

It starts off with Tiffany and Tucker (imagine Tiffany and Tucker as Barbie and Ken cause that’s pretty much who they are, but as TikTok influencers instead of in Barbieland) recording videos for “the app” and then they’re like back alone in their home and they’re having relationship issues and Tiffany wants to talk about their relationship cause she feels like they’re growing distant BUT she’s recording them secretly so she can post it onto their account for content (which is supposed to be tiktok but they just call it The App probably because they’re not allowed to say TikTok LMFAOO)

And turns out the conversation they end up having is that Tucker thinks he might be into men too but doesn’t want to break up with Tiffany but then Tucker realized that she’s filming all of their emotional talk to show to their audience that they’re “authentic” and rightfully gets mad because Tiffany is using his internal conflicts as content online.

They then post a video about how they’re going to explore an open relationship but open only on Tucker’s side — she was still fully committed to just Tucker. And then they invite this guy Jesse over for a threesome and it was really awkward and Jesse is like oh the way I like to do things is watching the couple do it and i’ll join in when the time is right. and then Tiffany was just like. ohh yeah no i’m not here to participate. i’m just here to watch. and then it was like Jesse and Tucker undressing and Jesse choking him out with a belt while Tiffany was just like fujoing out from her cuck seat

and then Tiffany posted a video about how their “threesome” was and Tucker was like wtf babe you didn’t ask me about this before posting. this doesn’t feel like you respect my boundaries and Tiffany refuses to delete the video because it’s gotten them a lot of attention. and then they argue and then they break up and Tiffany has a panic attack while screaming for Tucker to not leave her alone (Elizabeth Lail’s performance is so so so so good here, her wailing was so heartbreaking) and then the scene changes.

Lights come up and it’s Tucker coming home and being like hey babeeeeeeee and ITS JESSE INSTEAD OF TIFFANY NOW. But it’s like the exact same situation — Jesse keeps wanting him to record videos with him for “the app” and wanting Tucker to quit his job so that they can do like sex work online instead. but Tucker is like woah um. maybe not. what if i want a job in the future. and then he’s like hey babe why don’t we spend some time together instead, off the internet and Jesse has like stopped paying attention and is just like scrolling through “the app”.

Tucker is like trying to sleep but can’t fall asleep and keeps checking his phone and watching videos that Tiffany posted and he’s like shit,,,, i regret breaking up with Tiffany. and he calls Tiffany like hey i wanna get some closure, why don’t you come over. and then Tiffany does in the next scene in the fuckinf hottest full black outfit. black tube or tank top, black jean jacket, black pants and sunglasses and she’s like yeah. i’ve been doing. fine.

and then they have like cuts in of like Tiffany making DAY 68 OF HAVING YOUR BOYFRIEND LEAVE YOU FOR THE GUY WE INVITED OVER FOR A THREESOME videos. the day 195 one was her crying and saying that she was apart of the “women whose boyfriends left them for a man” community but that thanks to neutragena, the redness isn’t as prominent on her face (link in the description /j)

and then Tucker was like i regret breaking up with you so bad i wish we can just go back to the way we were. and then Tiffany was like no, we can’t. we can’t just pretend none of this ever happened. and then storms off

AND THEN THE NEXT SCENE, Tiffany comes home like disheveled and Jesse (now they’re dating) is like babe are you okay?? you can’t just go missing for 2 whole days and say that you don’t wanna talk about it. and Tiffany has a bit of a breakdown and she’s like i miss when we were keeping our relationship hidden, but now everyone on the internet knows and everyone on the internet hates me and i cant take it anymore. We can’t talk this out, we have to break up because i can’t handle this relationship.

This ends with Tiffany screaming I JUST NEED TO BE ALONE and a glitch happens and the whole stage gets like covered in code and the lights start flashing and then the stage goes black.

THEN. Jesse appears on the side of the screen joining as an “interviewee” from the incident that happened in the IRS-P (internet reality simulation project) where a glitch happened in their simulation and that Jesse got out but Tiffany and Tucker was lost in the simulation. FUCKING PLOT TWIST, THIS IS ALL A SIMULATION.

And they were asking him questions and Jesse explained that he was honored at first that the company selected him, a small influencer, for their huge giant new project. He had just wanted to feel the rush of adrenaline of people finding him attractive and in the simulation he found Tiffany and Tucker. in every universe, he was always intertwined with Tiffany and Tucker and at first he enjoyed it but then it felt more and more like they were just using him.

and then he starts dissociating and he starts hearing the interviewer as Tucker and he starts screaming for Tucker and asking him where he is and the interviewer keeps trying to calm him down but he’s like screaming and having a breakdown because apparently he’s experienced this interview multiple times and he can’t escape (so this whole section might still be in the glitched simulation ??? or it’s a trauma reaction. unclear and likely up to audience interpretation) (Nic Ashe was incredible here, his acting was so gutwrenching)

And then eventually when he’s able to calm down, the interviewer is gone and he’s alone again and his light goes dark.

However, simultaneously to this, on the dark stage, Tiffany is in this nude suit and she’s just like. taking the stage apart and putting props all over the floor (I think the nude suits are a metaphor for them being stripped of theirselves or baring themselves to the audience/each other when Tucker comes on)

The lights come back on, Tiffany comes back on in her nude suit and she’s like confused about the home being a mess and then she collects like the 8 phones on the floor and she tries to use two to start a fire and fails. and then Tucker comes in in a nude suit too and he asks her what’s happening and she’s like idk i tried to start a fire but i don’t remember how to. and then tucker is like did you ever know how to start a fire ?? and then he tries — using two phones and successfully starts a fire.

and then Tiffany feels like super useless and then Tucker starts singing “their song” because the mood kinda stinks and then Tiffany is like ???? what the fuck dude. not the time. but then she ends up singing too (and good lord Elizabeth Lail can sing i’m gonna kill myself she’s so hot i’m gonna lose it i’m gonna lose it i’m gonna lose it i’m gonna lose jr she’s like really good at singing jrs reallt i’m actually gonna lose it holy shit.) and they have this whole moment in their nude suits where they like twirled around and sang their song.

and then they kinda go back to being emo and stuff and Tiffany is like i think the simulation glitched. do you think we’re gonna be stuck here forever? Tiffany is like the sky and the ocean have no horizon, that’s not normal. and Tucker is like huh. you’re right. and then Tiffany says she’s cold and and tucker tries to use the objects scattered across the floor to build them a fort (the tripods and a towel) and he asks tiffany if there’s anything else long to use to build the fort and she was like uhhhh there’s a ring light (i think them having the social media equipment instead of real items is a metaphor for them replacing everything truly authentic in their lives with their fake personalities online).

and then the conversation goes sour and Tucker is like i’m trying so hard because i’m worried that if i don’t try then none of us are going to be trying in this relationship. and this part was like really funny (not intentionally) because Tucker is just in this nude suit and he stands angrily away from Tiffany but because of the nude suit, he’s just double cheeked up in the corner. and here they actually genuinely have a true heart to heart talk now that it’s silent and not cluttered by their online lives. Tiffany reveals that she signed them up for the IRS-P because she wanted to see who else was out there that she might connect with better than Tucker because it’s always been him but she didn’t want to lose everything she had with him. She wasn’t content with their relationship but wasn’t ready to let go of them.

Tiffany’s character is so interesting because while she is very clearly in the wrong in the beginning of the show, she’s given more depth as a character— she’s putting on a front for most of the show but when she breaks down from everything going wrong, she admits that she doesn’t even like the sound of her own voice and that she’s made so much of her life about her online presence that she doesn’t even remember who she used to be and how to stop. She has a panic attack when her life starts kinda falling apart when Tucker leaves her but she’s also kinda selfish in that she stops seeing Tucker as his own person and just as an object to gain attention for their “perfect life”. She often shifts the blame onto Tucker when they’re arguing but when they’re in the glitched simulation (the nude suits)— she admits that she does that because she thinks she’s the problem but doesn’t know how to fix herself.

GOD I LOVE,,, ELIZABETH LAIL CHARACTERS. who needs drugs when you’ve got autism hyperfixation

Okay, and then tiffany is like fuck it. and then they both take off their nude suits (Halle-fucking-lujah by the fucking way. I felt like I was committing a crime seeing Elizabeth Lail that undressed) and jump into the “ocean” and they’re like having fun and the world glitches again and goes black.

and then the scene changes again and Jesse comes back onto stage in a suit and sits down and Tucker comes in and tries to makes a conversation and Jesse is like no i think i’m gonna go (i think this is a metaphor for jesse rejecting the simulation and chooses to not staying intertwined with Tiffany and Tucker, by proxy escaping the simulation) and Tiffany comes on in this cute blue dress and she and Tucker start flirting again.

their hair is both wet and they say that neither of them remember how they got there. and then THEIR SONG STARTS PLAYING AND THEY START DANCING WITH EACH OTHER TO THE SONG. and then it fades to black and credits

I think this is implying that Tiffany and Tucker never escape the simulation???? cause they’re very much still in the simulation in the last scene while Jesse chooses to leave.

No one is gonna be reading this whole thing but holy shit I really enjoyed that. I enjoyed the plot way more than I thought I would. More importantly, Elizabeth Lail was drop dead gorgeous 🙏 and I almost died on the spot.

^^ don’t ask me what the America TikTok was about, I can’t explain it to ya JFJWJDJ actually I think it was her acting as a conservative saying that gay men are trying to steal your man from you 💀💀💀 but it’s like meant to be satire dw

[c-t-r-l14]

This Audio Is SICKENING.

Ya’ll—I don’t even know where to begin.

When I tell you that I physically FLINCHED upon seeing Alex’s face in the thumbnail, the way my heart started beating, the way I started SHAKING while putting my AirPods in—you guys would’ve thought that I’ve gotten some terrible news or something. And—I don’t even know what’s CRUELER—the fact that Saku posted this audio on April Fools day, making us go back and forth between “is this cannon?” or “nah, this is definitely a joke!” Or him making it all lovey dovey at first, giving us a false sense of security—waiting for us to finally let our guard down so he could get ready to strike. But I do know that it broke me, and made me feel for listener even more.

I think one of the biggest reasons why it broke me so much was because we can see how much listener blames themselves. How much they think the breakup is all their fault.

And you can see how much its impacted them.

You see the thing with Alex is that he is really, really bad with communication. He’s rather quiet about how he feels, and doesn’t voice it out loud. A person like this—who doesn’t talk about their own feelings, who’d rather stay silent—usually are alone with their own thoughts. And that’s when things get rocky, especially in a relationship. One of the things that I noted in the break up audio (besides all the gaslighting, manipulation, and reality distortion), was the fact that Alex has had that argument on his mind ever since it happened, and not ONCE has he said something about it until the day they broke up. He was alone with his thoughts the entire time up to that point—mulling over the argument, his feelings, his future—and I feel like him doing this, instead of actually talking to listener to see how things can work out deadass lead him to believing that they couldn’t be together, which lead him to not tell them about the job offer until the very last minute. I wholeheartedly believe that if he sat down with them, and told them—“hey, I know you said sorry, but I still feel like shit because you made me feel this way,” if the thoughts got to be too much, then maybe things would’ve been better. But he didn’t—and just like listener, he assumed the worst, and on top of that— gave up without even trying to fight for the person he claimed to love so much. Instead, all he did was make excuses, act hypocritically, gaslight them, and blame them for everything—all the while not realizing that there was a whole bunch of things HE could’ve done better too.

And we can see how much it took a toll on listener—considering the fact that they were ridden with so much guilt that can’t even sleep well at night.

I can feel how much they hate themselves through Alex’s words as he tore into them, and this is honestly partly Alex’s fault, because he reduced them to a mistake they made. Dream Alex (who will now be referred to as DA from now on) was taunting listener—and throwing the words Alex said to them during the break up back to them. He kept on reminding them of their mistakes, and that THEY are the reason why he left. He kept on reminding them of the worst parts of themselves—and that’s high key what Alex did during the break up too. I feel like we all need to acknowledge that what DA said to listener in this audio is most definitely not a reflection of the way the real Alex would talk and act—simply because DA is a figment of listener’s imagination. And since listener is filled with so much hurt and heartbreak right now, of course their own guilt and self hatred is going to distort how things operate in their mind. So, let’s not take the things he has said at face value.

Listener has a lot to work on. Their trust issues left a wound that ran deeper than they initially thought. In a way, they are too much in their own head as well—and do end up going to the worst case scenario, and this behavior stems from the trauma they sustained from their former partner. This leads them to do irrational things, like invading Alex’s privacy and accusing him of stuff that only happened in their head.

Both of them have a lot of shit they need to work on. Alex needs to learn how to actually talk about how he feels, learn how to take accountability for the things he’s done wrong, and maybe grow a damn backbone, and listener needs to go get some damn therapy, get their trust issues sorted out, and learn all the facts before they come at people with any assumption they might have about them. I feel like this dream was kind of the point where listener realizes that they simply just can’t let their relationship end like this, because through this dream sequence, they realize that there was still a lot of stuff that was left unsaid, and are now seeking for some closure. I think now it’s the best time to go for it, considering that Alex apparently didn’t go to NYC and stayed in London instead (this is still very much unclear). And I am hoping and praying that his ass has the same nightmare listener had as well. Listener can’t be the only one who has a wake-up call (pun intended).

Their downfall was caused because these two idiots don’t know how to convey their emotions to each other properly. They could’ve had it all if one just actually opened their damn mouth to speak, and the other would just simply think before they open theirs.

This confrontation can go two ways: they cut each other loose and go about their own lives, or they find a way to make it work, (granted that they are BOTH willing to work on themselves).

Do I think their relationship is a lost cause? I don’t know. Something tells me that this probably isn’t the end, and a part of me (as much as I talk shit about how much I want listener to be an absolute bad bitch and leave him to drown in his regret), doesn’t want it to be the end.

With this being said, I still don’t like Alex. It’s gonna take much more than a damn walk down memory lane with a bizarre, brutal, dream version of him to get me to like him again.

Oh and by the way, Saku if you’re reading this—sleep with one eye open tonight.

Masterlist

[shai-manahan]

hi, I sincerely hope I'm not being pushy or anything, and that you're doing ok! I saw your post about the devastating typhoon in your country and know that must be heartbreaking. if it's okay to ask, is Hollowed Minds still being written? I completely understand if it's not, since I (and other readers) know you have probably been going through a lot. I still love and think about your IF everyday to the point it's become a comfort game of mine and gotten me through some tough times with its engaging mysteries and angsty, touching moments, and though I would obviously be sad about it, the mental health and personal circumstances of authors are so much more important than a fan's feelings. I wish you good luck with life regardless of whether this IF is continued or not!

Hi! I appreciate the concern and your love for HM and don't worry because I'm still working on it <3 I know it's been a while, and admittedly it also distresses me that I haven't updated the game yet after all this time. But please be assured that this isn't a story I could ever let go of or even think about canceling no matter what.

Honestly, our country's been through a lot these past few years. My family, friends, and mentors have been through a lot as well. There is increased hostility targeted at marginalized communities everywhere and it's made a huge impact on my writing and my perception towards my own characters. I also find I relate to a lot of them now to an extent I never wished to reach.

It's partly why I decided to make MC someone with Filipino (specifically Tagalog) heritage, why I made their personality a little more preset (while still allowing space for headcanons and a few trait choices), and why I'm making some revisions to make certain details clear upfront.

Also, I suppose I'm just afraid a lot of readers would not get the point of the series itself. We're still at a very early stage of the plot, and while I've gotten anons whose theories have made it clear that they understand what this is eventually leading to, I do get the sense that some might still think of it as a mere cop thriller story when I actually aim for it to be a critic of policing institutions and the system itself. This is something that would be made clear anyway as we progress, but I at least want it to be apparent that MC will never ally nor respect some characters throughout the series, and that there are actions they would never find justifiable/fair.

I haven't posted significant progress updates lately (which is also why Patreon billings are still paused atm) because I don't think I've made enough progress to talk about. I will still answer asks, however, so please feel free to send them if you have questions/concerns/fun asks!

And I'm really glad HM has helped you get through tough times :') I know writing it helps me as well.

[thefirstknife]

The Vex and the Wish

It's been a while since the finale of the Starcrossed mission and I've not stopped thinking about it. I want to talk about some of the stuff that's been on my mind, mostly about all the little hints about what we might be delving into after The Final Shape.

So, the whole premise of Starcrossed is really interesting and has been since we first heard about it. Some sort of a mission in the Black Garden? During an Ahamkara season? It immediately meant that we'll be dealing with some Ahamkara shenanigans in the Black Garden, two things that have previously not been combined. And the Ahamkara element was really good and nice and heartbreaking!

But the bigger thing that got me thinking and overthinking was all the Vex elements this season. They're kinda flying under the radar because we have bigger issues to deal with, but everything we got about them this season has been super weird and concerning. Especially the Black Garden stuff!

The Sol Divisive have been very active doing... things we don't truly understand. They've made their attempts to somehow interact with Ahamkara magic and they've been messing with Darkness as well. I'll do my best to recap all the stuff we've gotten about the Vex this season and how it relates to Starcrossed. Long post under!

The first thing that got us all thinking was of course the premise for the season in the first place; we knew that we would be dealing with Ahamkara, the Dreaming City and the Awoken, but we did not know about the Vex. That was peculiar in general because they simply haven't been mixed together with Ahamkara before. This was also really intriguing because of the reason we needed an Ahamkara in the first place: to get through the portal in the Traveler and follow the Witness. So why are the Vex (Sol Divisive) interfering?

As soon as the season started and we could look at the items, the first very interesting lore tab was Scatter Signal. In it, we have Osiris tracking some sort of a signal, locking onto it and getting a transmission in the form of hexadecimal code. When decoded, it revealed a strange message from a still unknown source, discussing the Vex:

“A churning singularity of shadow and mimicry beats again within cultivated chaos. Minds orbit its gravity, to bridge communion with a Voice, to move from parallel to entanglement. They dream of a dark core, contained within a timeless structure. A suspended return to the primordial. If not for this truth, why kneel? If not for this truth, why does it elude definition? Though not all agree on all, all agree on this. Sol is Salvation.”

We still don't really know what this message means or who sent it, but I've speculated before that it could have something to do with the Ishtar scientists, most likely Chioma or maybe even Maya and the others. I wrote about this speculation before Starcrossed was out, so now that we know how Starcrossed ended, I believe more strongly that the Ishtar team (at least their simulated copies) is somehow still out there and capable of communicating and that they're the ones who sent this message.

As for the message, now that the season is over, I believe it talks about the Black Heart (churning singularity of shadow and mimicry beats again within cultivated chaos) and the Sol Divisive's obsession with it and their belief that it could grant them some sort of knowledge or ability (possibly paracausality) or a way to return the universe to the way it was before paracausality existed (return to the primordial): this is possibly also talking about the speculative time when the Traveler and the Veil were one, a time that the Vex perhaps remember. It also warns us that while the Sol Divisive are unique in their worship of the Darkness, the Vex as a whole agree on the simple truth that whatever they want to finally achieve will be achieved in Sol, our system, because this is where they have all the necessary ingredients to do so. Whether this is understanding paracausality, resetting the universe or Convergence, we don't know.

When I wrote that speculation initially, since Starcrossed wasn't out yet, a lot of my questions were about what possible connection could there be between the Black Garden and the Ahamkara. That was the only thing we knew before the mission dropped after all. Now in retrospect, we can at least put some of the theories to rest; originally there was speculation that Riven or the Vex or both are doing something that would end up tricking us somehow. This has since been disproven; the Ahamkara in the Black Garden was Taranis who made his lair there to stay hidden and to hide his and Riven's children.

However, a very important question remains. Did the Vex know about this and did they use Taranis' residence in the Black Garden to study paracausality and Ahamkara magic? I believe they must've known about him and that they must've dedicated at least some observational resources to monitor him and his shenanigans in their space. This obviously isn't good. The Vex have been trying to understand paracausality for a very long time and we've been practically giving this information to them for almost equally as long. Taranis living within reach of the Sol Divisive probably offered them some insight into it as well and possibly also insight into Ahamkara abilities.

Sol Divisive has spent a considerable amount of time and resources trying to understand the Darkness, the Witness and the Veil. This season we've gotten confirmation that they're actively merging with Darkness and even trying to somehow fuse with the Witness. We've seen them being able to simulate techeuns, we've seen oracles appearing outside of the Vault of Glass and shaping themselves with Darkness energy, as well as tapping into Darkness in general, into memory, to enhance their predictive abilities. They spent this whole season messing with Ahamkara eggs and Riven's Lair and the Coil as Vex artifacting became more and more prominent as the weeks went on. Osiris has also noted, on several occasions, just how similar wishing magic and Vex simulations are. The second one is particularly interesting:

What is a simulation if not a machine's wish? A projection of what might be, were certain parameters to be altered.

One big problem is that while a lot of this is linked purely to the Sol Divisive and their obsession with the Darkness and the Witness, a lot of it is not. First, one very interesting thing that happened this year is that after nearly 10 years, we finally got an explanation about the Black Heart; it was the Sol Divisive's failed attempt to recreate the Veil, very likely an idea given to them directly by the Witness, to create a makeshift Veil after the original had been lost in the Collapse. A lot of the stuff in the background of this year has been about the Vex, simulations, augmented reality and the Vex attempts at understanding the Veil and paracausality at large; discussed at length in Veil Logs, most notably this one where Chioma speculates about how the Vex could potentially gain access to paracausal simulations if they gained access to the Veil.

This thing, the Veil. It’s… it’s some kind of web of consciousness. Just like the Vex network, but organic instead of artificial. It makes sense why the Vex want it. Paracausal simulations? There’d be no stopping them.

As I said, a lot of this is about the Sol Divisive, but a lot of it is not. The Vex we see on Neomuna are not Sol Divisive, for example. Scatter Signal also implies that despite the Vex at large being in disagreement with the Sol Divisive, all Vex do seem to share some basic ideas which the speaker in Scatter Signal summarises as: "Sol is Salvation." Apparently, all Vex agree on this.

To make things even stranger, here comes Starcrossed. As soon as we first saw it, it was strange because it showed us a big Vex structure in the Black Garden!

This is the centerpiece of the whole mission and as we proceed through it, we get closer and closer to it. This is called a Citadel and it has appeared in the game before; notably, in Destiny 1, but you can now see it in Destiny 2 as well, in the first encounter of Vault of Glass. This structure is distinctly not Sol Divisive and it never has been.

The origin and purpose of the Citadel are not entirely understood, outside of ties to the Vault of Glass. It's been on Venus since the Golden Age where it was investigated by the simulated copies of the Ishtar team:

No human being in the Ishtar Academy has ever crossed the safety cordon and walked the ancient stone under the Citadel, the Vex construct that stabs up out of the world to injure space and time.

And:

"I wonder where it came from," Duane-Mcniadh says. Of course he's the one to break the reverent silence. "The Citadel. I wonder if it was here before the Traveler changed Venus." "It could have been latent," Chioma Esi suggests. She's the leader. She kept them together when it seemed like they faced actual, eternal torture. She pulled them through. "Seeded in the crust. Waiting for a period of geological quiescence, so it could grow." Dr. Shim shrugs. "I think the Traveler did something paracausal to Venus. Something that cut across space and time. The Citadel seems to come from the past of a different Venus than our own. It doesn't have to make any sense by our logic, any more than the Moon's new gravity." Maya Sundaresh walks at the center of the group. She's been too quiet lately. What happened to them wasn't her fault and maybe she'll believe that soon. "What could you do with it?" she murmurs, staring up. "If you understood it?" Chioma puts an arm around her. "That's what we're going to find out. Where the Citadel can send us. Whether we can come back."

This is interesting to us now because a very similar construct appeared out of nowhere in the Black Garden and when we reached the end of the Starcrossed mission, we gained access to the inside of the structure. And inside, we found a single room decorated with the symbol of the Ishtar Collective made out of Vex materials.

As I've noted before in the post where I speculated about the names of the seasonal missions and the meaning of Scatter Signal and what this mission in the Black Garden could be, this whole situation brought me back to thinking about the lore book from Season of the Undying: Aspect. In it, we follow Praedyth who is eternally stuck in the Vault of Glass (incidentally, this happened to him because he wished to an Ahamkara) and who discovers the simulated Ishtar scientists and establishes communication with them.

He realises that something has changed and that he's no longer in a loop, but able to change things by talking to the Ishtar team. He and the Ishtar team develop a strategy in which the simulations are able to theorycraft and instruct Praedyth (who is physical and in a physical space) to create a way for all of them to escape their associated prisons. The team figures out together that a way out could be achieved through the Black Garden and that they would need a specific event to jumpstart their escape; this event would be the Undying Mind and its awakening which opened the gate to the Garden again, this time on the Moon. They start with Praedyth sending messages through in hope that someone, somewhen, will hear them. Soon, as the disturbances in the Black Garden get more prominent, they get the chance to not just send messages of code out, but to actually try to escape physically.

The lore book never tells us if they succeeded.

A hundred and sixty Mayas reach for the Chiomas by their side. A hundred and fifty-eight Chiomas reach back. One Praedyth, waiting for the conductor's baton to drop. Uncountable Vex in the Garden, waiting for the same event, a synchrony none of them notice. Somewhere, a veil is always lifting. Somewhere, Kabr is always dooming himself. Somewhere, a door is always opening. Somewhere, they are always stepping through.

The name of the final chapter is "irrealis;" a grammatical mood for situations or actions that are not known to have happened at the moment of speaking. All Aspect chapters are named in this way, one of the reasons I started thinking about this lore book in the first place, the moment I noticed the names of missions this season (this theme is also extended to the weapons reprised from Undying: Imperative, Adhortative, Subjunctive and Optative). As an addition, the final mission's name is also very interesting and it is possible that maybe there will be another (one more radio message and triumph haven't been unlocked yet).

The point is that we don't know if the Ishtar Collective simulations and Praedyth managed to escape because at the time of speaking (when this lore book was released) this was an irrealis mood; unknown if the action has occured. But their plan, to use the situation with the Undying Mind in the Black Garden and the Black Garden itself to escape (the Vault of Glass and a simulation) seems to be connected to the massive Vex Citadel usually connected to the Vault of Glass that suddenly appeared in the Black Garden and has tangible proof of the Ishtar Collective inside.

As in, I believe they did manage to escape, in what for us is right now (or at least in a way that we could detect right now; time shenanigans with the Vex could mean anything honestly). I think that the appearance of the Citadel in the Black Garden correlates with their escape and that the Scatter Signal message is also something that came from the Ishtar team trying to give us information about the Vex. I also believe that this is a massive setup for the future content about the Vex and most likely the return of Venus in some form.

This whole year spent quite a lot of time reacquainting us with the Ishtar Collective: from Neomuna and their adventures in founding this secret city and their investigations into the Veil. Chioma Esi, a character that has existed in Destiny since the first game's release was finally given a voice and she and Maya Sundaresh were developed further and given some extra details to their backstory, most notably all the stuff we were told about Maya specifically and how much the Veil drove her mad. Not only that, but we were also given additional information about the Black Garden and the Black Heart, another point from the original game's first story that was brought back almost a decade later. Like a loop to the beginning.

The fact that it all ended with more stuff about the Black Garden and the Ishtar Collective is not a coincidence, I think. Most importantly, it's not the story that will be resolved this season and very likely won't be something we will be dealing with in the Final Shape. So this is setup for something after; about the Vex and their search for paracausality (and possible success?), about their connection to Venus and about the Ishtar Collective, perhaps even more about the Black Garden and maybe even Praedyth and the Vault of Glass.

As a quick summary:

The appearance of the Vex Citadel in the Black Garden - the original Citadel is linked to the Vault of Glass and is located on Venus. Somewhat related to this, this season Oracles appeared outside of Vault of Glass and were shaping themselves into Pyramid energy.

The Citadel architecture is not Sol Divisive Vex. This is important because otherwise we would be able to just chalk up the appearance of this structure to the Sol Divisive shaping the Black Garden, but the Citadel is not their work.

Ishtar Collective symbol inside; not only linking to Aspect, but also to Venus itself (we got a lot of Ishtar content this year in general, starting even before Lightfall, with Spire of the Watcher dungeon in Season of the Seraph, just before Lightfall, as an intro to the story of Ishtar and founding of Neomuna)

Several mentions of Venus, indirectly (the Citadel, Ishtar Collective) or directly (mentioned in one voice line linked to the history of the Ahamkara in the system, and also in the mysterious mention of an incredibly niche character of Albios, also in context of the Ahamkara history in the system)

All of this points to some Vex heavy content coming post-TFS with a strong connection to Venus and the story of the Ishtar Collective (perhaps their simulations) and some possibility of Praedyth and more about the Vault of Glass. Pretty much everything discussed here and everything the Vex have been doing for years is likely not getting resolved in TFS as the primary problem for us in TFS will be the Witness.

But once the Witness is gone? I'm pretty sure we will be finally moving on to the Vex and possibly their grasp of paracausality. We might be forced to go back to Venus and dig up more information about them, perhaps even reach out to the Ishtar simulations, if they've escaped (which I believe they did, given what we've seen at the end of Starcrossed).

Obviously this will likely be happening in Episodes, probably the first one, given what we've seen about it so far; it is called Echoes and has something vaguely Vex-shaped as a placeholder image. Not only that, but it's covered with plants that have reminded me of Venus ever since it was first shown. Note that none of this is still final and this placeholder image was shown to us before all the troubles with layoffs and delays. But it seems like the general idea will have to remain the same because of all the hints and setup about Vex content we've gotten so far, especially with these open questions at the end of Starcrossed mission.

We don't know yet how big Episodes will be which obviously makes it impossible to make any kind of prediction on what the stories in them might be able to cover and how extensive the content will be. Especially how likely it is to get a whole location like Venus back, not to mention that there are still questions about other Vex-focused locations; for example, are there plans to expand on Nessus and are there plans to also deal with Mercury?

Obviously I would love to deal with Mercury first and foremost (we know Bel), but I think most of everything we've seen through this story and through the hints and setup points to Venus and the return to some of the original unanswered questions in the lore. I'm really excited for the possibility that we'll get more information about the Ishtar team and about what truly happened to their simulations. I'm also excited for the possibility that there might be more information about the Vault of Glass and the Black Garden and the Black Heart (for which I think that the Vex have been trying to rebuild or fix in some way). It would be a neat way to create a circle back to the start of the story, especially since it's dealing with the Vex and time travel shenanigans. I'd really love if the story of the Vex forced us to metaphorically go back to the start of the story and look at everything we've seen so far with a new perspective.

I've gone to a lot of different points in this post, but I hope it makes sense. There have been some really interesting background infodumps and discussions in the lore and character interactions about the Vex and their impact on the world, overshadowed by the fact that we have much bigger imminent problems to deal with. This incidentally also gave Vex enough time and space to do their thing unsupervised. They've had enough time to observe us and other paracausal entities (such as the Ahamkara and the Witness and the Traveler), we've given them plenty of information about Guardians (the fact that we deposit our "paracausal sparks" into Vex receptacles in the Black Garden during Starcrossed is quite concerning) and they've evolved enough to begin shaping themselves with Darkness resonance, and they've never had more information about simulations and prediction.

The Vex have taken their time to catch up with us and they've been especially prolific during Season of the Wish while our attention is directed elsewhere, even with them being directly involved. I'm super excited for whatever they have planned for Vex stuff after TFS and they've given us plenty of content to speculate about it until it releases!

[theultimatenonbinarynerd]

Death In Paradise And How The Show or Shows Have Unknowingly Made Beautiful Autism Representation An Eassay By An Autistic Person

Introduction

I never get this personal or sappe but hi I'm Mel and just recently I got my Autism diagnosis. Recently I've been trying to discover who I am and what parts were just lies after realising i have been making and trying to imitate and please people my entire life.

I started watching Death In Paradise at the end of Season 10 my Mum had it on the tv and I thought it was interesting so I started watching. I then watched the first Christmas special and fell in love even more before giving season 11 a watch. Really loved all the characters and especially loved the characters, the visuals and the mystery aspect. Infact it made murder mysteries/who dunnits become one of my special interests. Started watching Beyond Paradise and some of the earlier seasons with Richard Poole.

Two things have made me realise why I probably love Death In Paradise since I have gotten my Autism diagnosis.

1: I was discussing the series finale with a fan who has sadly but understandably deleted their twitter account about how all the DI'S especially Neville when he was flashing back to the scene he was arrested found myself relatable as I replay my memories like that.

2: Martha's breakup monologue as heartbreaking as it was to Humphrey because she's absolutely out of line since they could adopt but her gut reaction is absolutely right. She has treated Humphrey appallingly not communicating with him about his feelings till that moment and not being honest with Humphrey resulting in him being dishonest in return. I am a people pleaser and will often think about others happiness before my own and Humphrey impulsively agreeing to move to Shipton Abbott is a good example as he really struggled setting in. Martha is right Humphrey is awkwardly nice to everyone even the police commissioner who I would have no patience with.

Now I realise that I am invested in these shows not just for the mysteries and the who dunnit element but to see Autistic people like me have human struggles in a very stressful job.

Even though I'm on a very different career path to all the DI'S as an Autistic person I think all the DI's are Autistic and show their own unique struggles. This is why I fell in love with the character of the Doctor to. If the DI'S aren't cannon Autistic they're definitely Autistic coded and it's my headcannon and I'm over riding the bbc on this one because when we see the way Autism is represented on screen within other white male characters I can see that Neville, Jack, Humphrey and Richard ain't no Rainman or Sheldon Cooper or Good Doctor which is why I feel so represented through these characters.

So with from what I've seen I would like to break down each DI that has been on the show and essentially justify why I have head cannoned all of the DI'S as Autistic.

1: DI Richard Poole

There are so many things that make me think he's Autistic I'm up to S2 Episode 7 of Death In Paradise as I'm wanting to catch up and as soon as this man came on screen I knew that there was no way in heck that Richard Poole is just neurodivergent grumpy english man as Camille would put it. One of the episodes I related to was Season 2 Episode 5 because if there's one thing I struggle with as an Autistic person its giving people the correct comfort they need.

Which links perfectly to my first point.

1: Richard And Emotion

Constantly throughout the first two seasons we see Richard struggle to communicate his emotions and hide how he's feeling. When sad things come up in s2 ep 5 and when he's asked to hold baby Rosie for the first time he struggles to display how he's truly feeling and how best to react. It shines especially when he asks Dwayne how he comforted Camille. I think Season 2 Episode 6 and Episode 5 was the first time we'd properly seen Richard sort of embrace the sand and open up emotionally.

2: Sensory Needs

Similar to Neville he makes it very clear that he does not enjoy the loud festivals on the island. He seems most comfortable up in his shack secluded reading a good book and chilling out.

He also seems to wear no summer clothes on the island as despite the heat he only seems comfortable with suits. Personally I struggle with being in bare t shirts and shorts so I can definitely relate to the fact. Richard seems definitely like one of those people who doesn't climatise for the summer and will not wear coats in the winter.

Overall an absolutely amazing relatable character.

2: DI Humphrey Goodman

I haven't gotten to S3 with Humphrey yet but I can also see relatable Autistic Representation in him. This is all based on from what I've seen in Beyond Paradise Humphrey wants to please and get on with everyone so he often hides his own emotions and puts others first. I can also see that he stims, forgets stuff if there's a change in routine and burnout hits him hard. I think he was partly burnout as the falling out with Martha must have been quite exhausting.

Masking is a huge thing with Humphrey so in my head cannon I think people including Humphrey have dismissed him being Autistic as just him being quirky. In my opinion the beyond paradise finale and episode five showed just how much Humphrey represses his emotions and then when it comes to burst it's bad.

1: Masking and Socializing

Humphrey throughout the beyond paradise series constantly tries to hide his uncomfortableness with Archie being around and his feelings about Martha stopping IVF. I know he came around and was sincere in the finale but I honestly think he wanted to pretend he felt ok with it so he wouldn't lose Martha.

Social wise he is also very awkward with people and struggles to communicate what he wants them to feel. Fights and conflicts seem to also exhaust Humphrey. Talking to Esther in Episode Five he admits he doesn't know how to feel about Martha not wanting kids and can't stop thinking about it. Infact he's so distracted by his fight with Martha that he can barely help Esther with the case. I'm often overwhelmed with socialising and go away to relax and think things through is definitely a coping mechanism I use.

2: Stiming And Info-Dumping

A form of stiming I picked up from Doctor Who was flapping my hands about when I'm talking and rambling. Humphrey out of all of the detective's seems to do this the most even when not talking about the solutions to a case.

He also is very passionate when talking about his special interests. I also think the way in the beyond paradise series he pictures the crime in his head and relives it whilst explaining it to Esther is very not neurotypical I view memories and emotions in my head like that sometimes.

Overall a very relatable character regarding his social skills and his need to people please.

3: DI Jack Mooney

This is going to be very short as I haven't seen much of Jack Mooney due to the fact I'm on S2 of my Death In Paradise rewatch but even the three episodes I watched whilst it was rerunning alongside Beyond Paradise I got very not neurotypical vibes from him.

The episode where he's rooming with Dwayne shows his struggle to interrupt other people's emotions, read social cues and understand the right moment to intrude on a conversation. It's absolutely hilarious when he just walks in on Darlene and Dwaynes date without considering that it's not an appropriate time. Not to mention when he interrupted Dwayne from his shower.

Through all three episodes I saw I can tell that he really struggles with grief so Florence is a good friend that he can consol. She helps him realise what stuff might make the shack feel more comfortable and friendly, like having a record player etc.

If any Autistic DIP fans want to reblog this and share their own thoughts about why they headcannon Jack as Autistic.

4: DI Neville Parker

Ah Neville Parker a character that I can definitely see myself in especially after season 12. Although I started watching from half of season 10 I still have enough reasoning to justify my headcannon. The way Neville organisises his meds and takes rejection from other people shows. Although you don't have to be Autistic to experience and anxiety Neville from what I've seen definitely overlaps with both.

Similar to Richard he seems to really struggle with the environment but at least have the sense to not where his blazer all the time and change into island built clothes off shift. Season 12 shows that Neville has adapted so well to the island that if he was put anywhere else like a prison cell its nerve racking and difficult for him. Not to mention from my own experience I've switched off when I'm sad or when something too difficult to process has happened and Neville does just that at the end of S12 through the Sophie or should I say Rebecca situation.

1: Lack Of Red Flags + Social Cues

Season 12 showed that because of Nevilles desire to have a relationship with someone and get over Florence he was unable to ignore the red flags about Sophie until he was in jail for her murder. Ok I'm pretty sure not all of the neurotypical Death In Paradise fans didn't fall for Sophies scheme but like Neville I truly felt no bad vibes from her until the very end. I haven't seen the red flags till to late and its costs me my mental health.

Neville seems to really struggle how to communicate his feelings as also seen by his crush on Florence.

2: Stimming + Special Interests

Throughout the show Neville is very rigid he fidgets and waves his arms about enthusiastically when he has found out who the killer is.

Throughout the show we can also see that Neville is a passionate reader and loves Star gazing. He was absolutely thrilled to info dump about the famous star gazer that has been unalived. We see he struggles with stuff outside of his limits and will glady lovingly share fun fact with his team.

3: Emotions/Shutdown

As mentioned Neville tends to become quiet when he's upset and shutdown. We can see throughout the case in episode 8 he's not entirely there till he confronts Sophie for the final time.

Neville insanely loses his enthusiasm and energy after he's arrested. If you look back he does not instigate any of the conversations whilst he's in the cell unless it's Sophie. Most people would react screaming and yelling when arrested but Neville is just too shocked to move. As an Autistic person I've had a shutdown only once but I definitely relate that if I was arrested I would just be frozen in panic not wanting to upset anyone.

Being quiet seems to be one of Nevilles best coping skills when something immensely stressful has happened.

Again when he had that freeze frame recalling when he was arrested and who could have switched the keys it seemed very relatable and not neurotypical. Not to mention a lot of Autistic people have a high sense of justice which could explain Neds fearless anger and frustration at the end of Ep 7.

Conclusion

I think even if coded having Autistic representation that's not cis white man super intelligent with no struggles is impactful its also why I want a black or biracial DI on the show as it would be even more impactful.

Honestly all the DIS being Autistic or on the neurodiverse spectrum as a whole adds to alot of the fish out of water element of the show.

I highly encourage reblogs as i assume I'm not the only autistic or neurodivergent fan of the show.

-Melody-

They/Them

[seokkiez]

hi, i know the current situation happening now in the riize community has been affecting all of us. me, ot7 fans, but most importantly, riize and seunghan.

for those who dont know or hasnt been updated on what had happened. this is an article that talks about the situation from the announce of his return to what led to the decision of him leaving the group. and an article that explains why he was put on hiatus in the first place.

it still hasn't registered in my brain because of how stupid, and baffling this is. how insane it is that these so called "fans" sent FUNERAL wreaths just because they are so delusional they cant grasp the fact the he did NOTHING wrong. and i cant believe that this same treatment is not being directed to taeil instead. its disgusting and it makes me sick to my stomach. it truly shows how messed up knets are and how the standards in korea has gone to a point where i feel like there is no return. i cant fully grasp the thought that we were SO close to seeing him again after so long, just to get that taken away for good. this whole thing just makes me sick.

after thinking this through, i have decided to take a break from writing for them but i will continue to support them but at a distance, participating in the boycott. although the fandom and sm makes me sick, there are still loads of fans who actually support and love all of them deeply and are fighting for them. i still think that the boys still deserve this support and love and to be honest, briize is all they have. its so heartbreaking that this same fandom has gotten so toxic to point this happened. that being said, i do NOT want any ot6 "fan" to interact with my page as i dont want to be affiliated with them in any way possible.

i know this post was probably messy as i was just writing down my thoughts. my heart goes out to the boys, and everybody who got affected by this whole thing and i do hope the best for seunghan and the boys.

lots of love, seokkiez

[chainofclovers]

Ted Lasso 3x1 Thoughts

I’m going to continue my largely disorderly disorganized deranged within-12-to-24-hours-of-watching-the-ep-the-first-time Ted thoughts, as always reserving the right to add on once I’ve seen more and processed more! But let’s face it, I save my coherency for fiction and this is gonna be scattered as ever. The episodes dropping at 9 p.m. my time may end up making me more insane; I’ll have time to think before I’m ready to go to sleep, and then my sleep patterns will be interrupted by thinking more, I’ll wake up too early because I need to think more, and this fandom experience will continue to be unparalleled and ridiculous.

(Side note: I’ve been avoiding screener spoilers but I have read some reviews that are vaguely spoiler-y for the first four episodes of the show and I’ve also consumed a decent amount of press tour stuff that includes actors and writers talking a bit about the overall arc. I’m going to try to focus each of these posts on the episode that’s just aired and anything that came before it. If some speculation slips in, it’ll be just that—speculation, mildly spoiler-informed but not majorly spoiler-informed.)

First shot - last shot will be TED! The star of Ted Lasso! Seeing his stubbly spaced-out face, eyes like wells of endless sadness, I was just like……..yes. Here we go. Ted is back.

Henry looks so much older! Even though I think he’s basically eight years old in canon assuming he was about Phoebe’s age back when Phoebe was six. I think the conversational timings between him and Ted feel more natural than they did in past seasons and that makes me happy because Henry is clearly gonna be a major part of this whole season.

LEGOS. The contrast between the touristy London Lego set they do in s1 to the custom Nelson Road creation they come up with together, showing that Henry has gotten to know the people in Ted’s community in London?!?! I love that vehicle for showing the familiarity Henry now has with his father’s life, with people he’s presumably gotten to spend real time with too. And I absolutely loved that in that initial clip with Rebecca, Higgins, and Ted, Ted kind of expresses surprise at how he said what he said about winning “the whole fucking thing” and downplays his memories, but then at the end of the episode we have Henry telling his father he’s there to “win the whole thing.” I continue to absolutely love everything this show does with audience knowledge vs. character knowledge. Dramatic irony at its finest!

Speaking of dramatic irony and the tragedy of audience knowledge surpassing character knowledge…Nate Shelley, I love you forever. Everything with the car was so heartbreaking (Rupert’s control over him! Sounds familiar!?!), as is everything about the coldness he exhibits to his colleagues, his meanness with the players, his nervous desperation with Rupert, his panic symptoms at the presser, and his continued obsession with social media as a reflection for how successful or unsuccessful he is at any given moment. I absolutely love that everyone at AFC Richmond has their own Nate feelings, but Rupert is the true villain here.

Ted has learned some things about football, thank the lord. (And he learned more in part by playing FIFA with his son, who believes in his ability to win the whole thing.) I love all the ways the nature of competition has gotten more progressively complicated each season. I love the way it’s personal for Rebecca in both valid ways that she needs Ted to understand and respond to (that scene where she keeps referring to singular “he” Rupert instead of the “they” that is West Ham combined with the scene where it gets more emotional and she has that same conversational slippage but it’s to convey to Ted that she needs him fighting for her and the team? GOD), and in ways that speak to her own non-linear progress but mostly forward progress. I love that Roy is nervous about needing to step up tactically, and I love that we can’t quite tell if the “tried and true and solid” approach will net the same kind of success they could expect with Nate in that role. I love the constant presence yet slight emotional distance of Beard and that we still don’t know how his personal life is going to intersect with his professional life this season (beyond the Ted of it all). I love that the players are learning to put Ted’s emotional lessons into practice on their own.

Taking your entire team down the London sewers because you want to feel closer to your son as he flies away from you and constructing an entire poop metaphor to make it worth everyone’s while and then getting in trouble with your boss over it but that actually revealing a new layer of emotional vulnerability and mutual understanding that’s been missing between the two of you for a while even though you’re still fundamentally questioning your presence in the life you’ve presumably chosen for yourself is actually something that can be so personal.

I’m obsessed with how not over Michelle he is, and how Henry not having his own phone means the messages are still transmitting through his parents and that just makes everything kind of messy and poignant.

For a while in the 40 years leading up to s3, I was really convinced Ted would stay in London after the conclusion of s3/their first season back in the PL because part of his journey would need to be about finding his own home on his own terms and figuring out how his self-worth slots into a community he’s helped build but that has also helped build him. Then I spent a long time convinced he’d need to return to Kansas for basically the exact same reasons…everyone’s changed including him, and it’s time for him to reprioritize and return to his son’s home. After seeing 3x1, I no longer have super strong feelings one way or another because the existential questions Ted is asking are so much more at the forefront of the text than I thought they would be. He’s so uncertain of his worth in 3x1 but also clearly focused on making progress (the phone call with Sharon was soooo good and funny!?!), and I didn’t expect to feel like part of Ted was almost ready to go on and leave London now, one plane behind Henry. But that’s the feeling I got. But his conversations with Rebecca, Henry, and to a lesser extent Beard have me feeling that there’s a good chance he’s going to recommit to his job for this season and that the decision of whether or not to leave after that will be a bit more woven into the episodes rather than something he contemplates privately. I no longer have strong opinions on what I want most to happen because I’m so excited to just see it unfold.

KEELEY. She schedules time to cry! She double-booked Rebecca! Rebecca calls crying an orgasm for the soul! I love everything about them, including how full and wordy and familiar and intimate their conversational patterns are. Like Rebecca throwing in that she’s started eating meat again; the pacing of their conversations is so well-done because it actually realistically covers multiple topics the way they’d be doing whenever they pick things up.

It’s such a good contrast to the similarly realistic conversations Beard and Ted have, which tend to be a bit less wordy despite their closeness. Also, Ted showing up for work after another goodbye with Henry and having another “pet names” moment?! But this time he just goes on ahead and calls Beard “sweetie pie”? I’m here for it.

The stiltedness of Roy and Keeley with Phoebe! My heart! I love that Keeley has to hold herself back from expressing awareness about how scared Roy is about work stuff. The decision for them to have broken up over the summer and be on different pages about what that means is perfect and delicious and I love it and I love them.

My favorite scene this episode—by far—was Ted’s press conference. Rebecca needs him to step it up and communicates that with an intensity that differs from their previous conversation about West Ham’s pronouns. It feels more angry, more personal. I love the choices he makes in the press conference for what they reveal about where he’s healed and where he’s unhealed. I love that his first press conference in 1x1 was a complete disaster that Rebecca rescued him from even if she put him in that terrible situation in the first place. I love that Ted’s self-roast has echoes of Nate’s very successful roast of the team in 1x7. In both situations, Ted and Nate are bringing a blend of preparedness and the spontaneity that comes from feeding off a crowd’s energy. In Nate’s presser for West Ham, it’s his turn to panic, and he might manage to pull off the pretty pathetic joke about Ted being “shitty” but it’s clear that it’s far from his finest work. I love that Rebecca is starting to soften during the presser with Ted, but it’s Keeley’s (professional) opinion that she’s doing the right thing by letting Ted be Ted that allows her to fully relax into the way he’s working the crowd. I love that we know how much he’s struggling with his value as a coach, father, and human being. I love that this adds a layer of tragedy to his jokes about mental health. I love the kinda iffy decision to say he’s had a bunch of psychotic episodes when that is completely incorrect because it leaves space for the Twin Peaks reference and shows that he’s willing to cross the boundaries of accuracy and the earnestness with which he approached the mental health conversation before to just…organically respond to the energy of the crowd and do whatever it takes to shift the focus. I love that Ted and Rebecca are both correct in their feelings.

I am disappointed in myself because I think I could say far more articulate things about the press conferences, but it’s just too many feelings at once!

Press for s3 has been a rollercoaster, and I’ve been feeling soooo many things about the many unknowns related to stuff I care about. I have my predictions and feelings about it all, but the overarching feeling I have right now is about how last night’s episode was a great reminder that watching TV show Ted Lasso is the best way to get information about TV show Ted Lasso. 3x1 was an incredibly strong opener that confidently reacquaints the threads that were braided together in s1, then unraveled in s2. If s1 was about joy and connection with the lurking of dark shadows from without and within, and s2 was mostly shadow with the light moments feeling very separate from the dark core (to the point of feeling intentionally tonally uncomfortable), then I think s3 is going to be about the way dark and light are always together, all the time, forever, and what we can do with that reality.

[louisisalarrie]

Whether people believe in Larry or not, Harry has confirmed he went through his own journey with his sexuality. Whether that started when he met Louis, or before that or further down the line some place else, it happened and H clearly did go through a period where he was questioning his thoughts/feelings.

Personally it’s too much of a coincidence for this ‘journey’ he’s mentioned NOT to be related to Louis as he was clearly so very into him and didn’t hide it…well not back then.

I wish I’d been in the fandom in those days. I bet you lot had so much fun!

We had fun, but it was also so dramatic. Tumblr is a lot more calm these days than Twitter (apart from antis yelling at us occasionally). But yeah, it’s always felt like more of a community here.

Watching Harry and Louis and all the boys grow up has been such a time. But watching Harry and Louis fall in love? Wow. Honestly… i just… being here from the beginning and seeing them fall in love, has solidified a lot of our beliefs because we watched it happen in real time. We were there. We saw them discover themselves, and each other. We analysed and debunked and fought for them. Coming in with fresh eyes and trying to go through all of this would be very intimidating and it would be hard to believe with all the stunts that have happened since then. But we watched it all unfold so i guess, for the larries who are still here, it’s been heartbreaking but so strong and beautiful and our beliefs can’t be shaken.

A lot of larries left after bbg. It was so hard to watch it all go down. Going through my blog, when that stuff was announced, we truly believed there wasn’t gonna be an actual child involved. Then we analysed the photo of Louis with the kid and how it was photoshopped. Then we analysed everything and waited for the end to come. It didn’t. And there was a literal child in the picture now. So a lot of larries left, because they either believed it was true, or, it took stunts to a new level and they couldn’t be bothered fighting anymore, or it was triggering etc., so we lost a lot of our team here. Sooooo many deactivated blogs, and tumblr lost its appeal so folks moved to Twitter too. So, it’s gotten a lot quieter here these days.

But at the very beginning, and even around bbg, this was all so fun here. We joked around so much, and it was all a lot easier. But with the solos/antis all around now, it’s harder. A lot of the time we don’t bother arguing with them, or explaining things, because it just… doesn’t matter. We believe in larry, they are aggressive with us, and we try to make this space still what it was.

I dunno, it truly was wild because we got so much content, but we don’t get as much these days and sadly, people give up on it all.

Anyway, i wish you were around here too. I’ve turned this into kind of a sad response sorry!!! But we had a great time and we will continue to have a great time until those two idiots are free.

[headspacedad]

so I was just moving Tales Within Tales, an old fanfic I wrote for the FFVII community back in 2008 and 2009 from ff.net over to AO3 and I decided to bring the reviews I’d gotten on it over as well (because, well, they were awesome and authors live off of reviews)

It was 44 pages of reviews.

Not 44 reviews.

44 pages of reviews.

All toll I had 656 reviews on that fic.

Six hundred and fifty six reviews.

These days I struggle to get ten reviews on any of my fics.  My most popular fic, written during the height of VLDs active period is 226 comments.

Half of those AO3 comments are me responding.

Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE every single one of those comments.  And every single person that comments on my fic?  I love them fiercely.  I love them the way someone locked in a dungeon without water loves the drops of rain that leak in the overhead window.  Because that’s exactly what they are.  They’re the thin, struggling, determined motivation people that interact with my stories are sharing with me out of themselves.

It is so depressing and heartbreaking and discouraging when I’m faced with how consumer driven fandom has become.  How ‘buy it off the rack’ fanfiction has become to so many readers.  I miss the communal feeling of fandom communities.  I wish I knew how to get it back.  I wish I knew how to get it back because I need it as someone that’s sharing my work but I need it back because I wish, so badly, that new fans could experience being a part of things the way readers used to be.  When reading a fanfic wasn’t going into the gas station and buying a six pack on your way somewhere else; it was sitting down in a coffee shop for an evening and being a part of the poetry slam that was going on on stage, interacting with the performers but the other audience members too.  It wasn’t perfect.  It wasn’t what everyone wanted.  I’m not saying fandom was golden once.  But I miss the interaction.  I miss the feeling of community.  Maybe that’s why tumblr is so precious.  Because at least here we can still whisper to each other in the tags and pass around stories to share. 

Sometimes pass around stories to share.

Its why I pass along so many stories, even for fandoms I don’t read or don’t ‘fit my blog’s theme’.

Someone has to.  Someones have to.  If we don’t we’re just part of the problem that’s hurting us.

I don’t have a point.  I just have - a longing for days of yore when I wasn’t so exhausted and tapped out.  Every now and then I feel grey when I get reminded of ‘what was’.  New fans can eat and eat without paying anything back and it hurts writers but I often wonder if it doesn’t hurt them too.  Half of the pleasure of fanfiction is the interaction over the ideas in it.  it seems like you’re missing a huge part of the joy and community it can give you when you lose that.

Bless everyone that comments on fics.  May I feed you half so well with my writing as you feed me with your reactions to my writing.

[give-soup-please]

a ramble on a good omens fanfic i will probably never write

i've been wanting to launch a good omens fic that would be huge, around 40k-80k in word count. it would basically be crowley and aziraphale having a baby through magical means and then that baby being stolen by heaven. either through an act of ineffability or god actually speaking for once, they don't immediately kill her, and instead place her in america, far away from crowley and aziraphale. an angel/demon hybrid would be incredibly dangerous, after all. can't leave her in the hands of the enemy, can they? several years pass, and the baby is now a teenager, and aziraphale is in america going to an auction for some first edition twain or steinbeck books. it's in the middle of nowhere that the trouble starts. maybe crowley's bentley breaks down and before they can fix it with a miracle, their kid comes on the scene with a tow truck and starts offering to give them a lift. crowley and aziraphale immediately recognize that she's their kid, and a huge conundrum as to what they should do next. crowley just wants to take her back to london, but aziraphale is more hesitant to do so.

scenes would include:

my character going, 'hey, you guys are 'family', right?' and when aziraphale and crowley are about to reply, she points to a hidden pride flag in her car. she meant 'family' in the sense of being in the queer community. cue a stifling heartbreak while she's none the wiser as to what she's just said. good ol' dramatic irony

she has eyes the exact color of crowley's before he fell

crowley tempting her into speeding as she gives them a lift to the mechanic, and discovering to his delight and aziraphale's horror that when tempted, she's willing to drive faster than him.

my character warning az and crowley that her town is small and incredibly bigoted, so they should lay low for a while and make sure when they get a hotel in the area, there's two beds. anger slowly starts brewing when they realize the life their kid has had to live in order to keep herself safe.

my character warning against the sushi restaurant that's on mainstreet because this part of america is more than 800 miles from the coast line, and every time she's eaten there, she's gotten sick. and aziraphale decides to smite the restaurant or curse it so that it never opens its doors again. (parental rage would be a big theme in this fic, both towards heaven and towards the people she thinks are her biological parents, so it manifests in odd ways and overprotectiveness)

aziraphale getting a job as a professor at her school so he can keep an eye on his kid, and immediately getting caught up in exactly how horrible and bigoted the school is, and throwing around some angelic justice. (aziraphale against PTA moms, c'mon, there's loads you could do there)

crowley discovering she holds QSA (queer straight alliance) meetings in secret and being proud of her for breaking the rules.

crowley and aziraphale discovering that the people she's been placed with are absolutely horrible, and that their kid is traumatized and sullen, once she's pushed past the veneer of friendliness that she puts on for others.

major heartbreak as they realize that their kid wants nothing to do with them, and so much grieving when it's just the two of them in private.

aziraphale and crowley realizing that heaven has put their kid in an abusive situation on purpose in order to try and 'stamp out' her nature. cue absolute rage on both their parts with their protective instincts rearing up like mad.

large debates on whether or not she can be convinced to give up her human form to return to her angel/demon manifestation.

her being unwilling to accept the truth of her unique heritage, rejecting aziraphale and crowley again and again.

a whole lot of subconscious shit on her side because she knows these people, and she loves them, sort of, kind of, it's complicated. but she hates them as well, because they took her view of the world and shook it up quite a bit.

a scene that would look something like this:

my character, realizing that the people she thought of as her parents weren't her parents and is struggling to understand this new reality she's been thrust into: 'where were you- where the fuck were you? I spent my entire life waiting for you to show up! aziraphale: 'my dear, if we knew where you were, you would not have waited a single day in vain.'

she'd be a blend of aziraphale and crowley's characteristics: smart, speed demon behind the wheel, loves books, picky eater, prone to snarkery but trying to do the right thing.

she'd have chronic fatigue syndrome or something similar because being stuck in human form when you’re meant to be something more probably hurts like hell.

as you can see, this is a very well fleshed out thing that i have here. (or at least, i've been obsessively rotating the idea in my mind for a while) but i'm not going to be able to write it in the short term as i juggle school and other writing projects. but i need people to know about this idea because i think it's a really cool one. and i am internally screaming because this would be another big project to tackle that i can't.

(muffled aggressive noises)

[br1ghtestlight]

20 questions for fic writers

1. How many works do you have on Ao3

23

2. What’s your total word count?

109,996

3. What fandoms do you write for?

bob's burgers, inanimate insanity and there's like one steven universe fic in there. i have written for other fandoms in the past but not on that account lol (and mostly unpublished)

4. Top 5 fics by kudos

zeke running away fic, genderfluid gene fic, louise hat fic, bob mom fic, tinimmy week fic (the problem with naming all my fanfics after really long complicated song lyrics is that i simply will not actually call the fanfictions by their Actual Name. also not linking them bcuz im lazy)

5. Do you respond to comments?

i always try to respond to comments but tbh people dont comment on my work very often?? i also dont reply to comments on my old account bcuz i dont have access to it anymore

6. What’s the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

i dont know if ive ever written anything angsty tbh?? thats not really my favorite thing because it makes me too sad. out of my published fanfics probably the fic about bob's mom wins by default and out of my unpublished wips uhh maybe my louise and tina focused fanfic. it has a happy ending (maybe) but its a real downer at times. or maybe my tinimmy fic is bittersweet depending on how you read it

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

maybe my fanfic where bob gets a garden LMAO or my genderfluid gene fic

8. Do you get hate on fics?

no!!! actually a secret about me in that my almost 10 years posting art fanfics etc online i have never gotten a single negative comment on anything ive made. i feel very lucky :)

9. Do you write smut?

never have and never will (nothing wrong with it in most contexts but im asexual and smut is extremely Not My Thing. i actually tried writing a smut fic once to challenge myself a few years ago and spent like 1000 words describing the way the candles were lit in their bedroom before i realized its simply not for me and thats fine)

10. Do you write crossovers?

no but if my hyperfixations ever gave me an opportunity to crossover maybe?? any bob's burgers character on the infinity train would be hilarious. any hfjone character would be heartbreaking

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

i dont remember but im gonna go with probably not

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

nope

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

NO I THINK IT WOULD BE REALLY FUN but im too much of a perfectionist w/ my writing and i would be worried about dragging the other person down with me. maybe if my ocd ever gets medicated idk

14. What’s your all-time favorite ship?

it depends on my mood but right now i have been thinking abt tina and jimmy jr a lot. not even romantically their relationship is just so interesting. jimmy jr/zeke/tina is also great. marshall lee and gary.... bryce and liam??

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you will?

i have like over 30+ wips so thats probably a lot of them FJDMDMSJSKS something i would love to finish at some point but probably never will is a fanfic about how bob and linda overcame the cycle of abuse with their own childhood memories vs how they are with their kids. maybe i could write that with somebody else and we each do like a chapter at a time (they write linda's memories and i write bob's etc)

16. What are your writing strengths?

people always tell me that im really good at capturing character's voices and personalities and making them feel in character?? i always want my stories to feel like something that could actually happen in-universe and make it make sense with the characters etc. i think part of this comes from working w/ my own ocs and thinking so hard about how different people express and communicate things and then applying that to other characters is easy. and bcuz of how my autism works i can memorize how a person or character constructs sentences and create new sentences inside my head in their voice :D i really pay attention to peoples speaking patterns & how they phrase things

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

probably how perfectionist i am about grammar and using certain words phrases punctuation etc that it takes FOREVER to get anything done. i also think im too wordy. i can turn a fifteen word sentence into a fifty word sentence easily which is great for essays but kinda annoying when you're reading a silly bobs burgers fanfic

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language?

i dont mind doing it for my ocs but to my knowledge none of the bob's burgers characters speak another language as their native language?? so i cant see it coming up in anything i write

19. First fandom you wrote for?

i dont really wanna say bcuz its embarrassing and i was pretty young LMAO but it was like youtuber fanfic on wattpad (wayy before whatever youtubers you're thinking of they were never famous)

20. Favorite fic you’ve ever written?

hmm either my tinimmy week fic or my genderfluid gene fic it changes depending on the day. right now its my tinimmy week fanfic <3