#what do i want

[nobeerreviews]

I can never read all the books I want; I can never be all the people I want and live all the lives I want. I can never train myself in all the skills I want. And why do I want? I want to live and feel all the shades, tones and variations of mental and physical experience possible in my life. And I am horribly limited.

-- Sylvia Plath

(Siracusa, Italy)

[mother-lee]

thought i knew what i wanted

never knew what i wanted

[srijswings]

I'll turn 21 in two days. Can I believe it? I've not given it much thought. Years have passed by. Or so it feels that I've not given it much thought.

I was born 21 years ago!

That seems like a lot of years ago, two decades and a year. I've grown up from a toddler to a lil kid, from an adolescent to a teenager and now to a legal adult?! ( I'm not sure if I mentioned the stages correctly or not).

Am I happy? Have things changed? Do I like how I've changed? Do I hurt less?

All of it seems like cold ice. Solidified but will melt as soon as it's out at room temperature. I've done a lot to hold this cold temperature. I wouldn't want to let it go. Mostly it's alright. I can be melted and solidified. I've the flexibility but also the rigidity.

What am I most grateful for? Do I've to be though?

I'm okay with the fact that I've survived, it's been tiring but I love my relentless efforts to try to make it.

What do I hope for?

I hope to buy a big fridge that can hold as many ice trays as possible. I don't even drink cold water or ice creams as much. But the thought of having ice cubes feels rich. Like if it all, I require I'll know I'll have them stocked.

I wish to build a home, not just a house. With big windows and spacious rooms, a terrace to watch the sky from, lots of plants. But will I be able to take care of someone else? The plants I mean.

I feel tired. I hope I have someone who takes care of me a lil more than I take care of them. I hope I'm held gently and fed and listened to.

I also want to be alone. Because I don't think I want anyone else to understand my weirdness, my quirks, the stuff that goes in my head or most of all see me howl and cry and speak to my younger self. It's just v pitiful. I want to be the only one to pity myself and then pick her up.

I want to have privileges. I want things easier for me. I want to be less scared. I want to believe in myself more. Maybe smile more genuinely. I want to find people who want the same for me.

Oh yes I want to have home cooked meals everyday. New recipies. New hacks. All made with love. Just love. And maybe few people to share the meals with. Dinner table conversations and hearty laughter. So that I feel full. My heart feels full.

And I want a big steel jug to keep my water cool. I love drinking water or maybe I'm just used to it.

I want a couch in my garden and a swing. The one that rotates . The couch to lay down and soak in the sun. I want peace and quiet but also laughter and some occasional fights. But nothing intense.

I want mediocrity.

[todaywasamaritale]

me after accidentally reblogging something to my secret blog 🤡🤡🤡

[whats-in-a-sentence]

In his book, Harris responded to what he perceived as a fatal flaw in mainstream society's approach to dating:

The Bible teaches that if we truly trust in Jesus Christ, we die to our old way of living. And we can no longer live for ourselves – we now live for God and for the good of others. Because of that, relationships with the opposite sex can no longer be about 'having a good time' or 'learning what I want in a relationship'.

"In/Out: A Scandalous Story of Falling Into Love and Out of the Church" - Steph Lentz

[lithominium]

Oh boy its my birthday i sure do hope for my birthday i get what i want

[nichtimhandelerhaeltlich]

oh god I need to make lunch

[rothinnpanna]

I have a great many secrets that I would tell to none. That haunt me in fear of them being told.

But my greatest secret, the one I try as hard as I possibly can to hide. To bury in layers upon layers of deception. Is one that I wish very much would fade away.

My greatest secret is that I truly have no fucking clue. No fucking clue what the fuck I am doing, why am I here, how do I work, how does life work, how do I communicate without giving away that I haven't a clue how anything works, what do I want, what is my purpose, what is life. Why is life, and why is it so irritating.

[clopans]

What Do I Want ? - P.71 - UNDERTALE fancomic

we're out of time (i changed the "night" color palette, it's no longer a blue filter, hooray!)

Next

Back

First

[haikuku]

Snow Globe

Our every interaction

Leaves my insides

Churned up

Like a shaken snow globe,

My passions stirred,

My feelings unleashed,

As the glittery fake snow

Afloat in the watery sky,

A beautiful swirling mess.

What am I left with

When you are gone and

The squall subsides?

A world placid yet dull

With sentimental drifts

Of emotions unexamined,

Reminders of the 

Seductive chaos

Urging me to 

Shake the sphere

Yet again.

I control the weather

Inside my little globe

Except when I can’t

And the blizzard

Consumes me.

--haikuku

[555eternalfabulist]

the concept of "forever" is so scary to me.

the same job forever? living in the same place forever? loving that one person forever? Yes, i want to be loved, be safe and secure, but forever? every day the same? forever?

Will i miss something if i get locked inside that "forever"? What if i can't escape the forever and just accept and live with it, after 20 years of being inside of it, will there still be a way out? Will i notice too late, that i'm right in the middle, maybe even close to the end of my forever?

[gaasubap]

💕

You don't have to be at 100%

Don't panic if you feel your mood falling

It's ok to not want to do anything

💕

Associate the panic of not being productive with meditation. You can't meditate forever, you'll eventually want to do something else.

You'll want to look around the room. Cool!

You'll want to change positions. Awesome!

You'll want to fidget. Amazing!

You'll want to go to another room. Success!

💕

[weirdfanaus]

What do you want? I asked the moon What do you want? I asked the sun What do you want? I asked myself  The person in the mirror didn't know They knew just as much as I knew inside my head  Behind my eyes  Behind years of earning and hope What do you want? I asked the universe I still wait for an answer 

-31 dec 2022

[w1tchm0ther]

What do I want?

Every time I ask myself this question, the answer is the same: I don't know.

The first few times I asked this question openly, the answers were clear. Posed by society. From a lower working class family, I wanted more. And I got more. Starting with getting my driving licence. As the first and only one in the family. To this day, even. Then higher education. A Bachelor's, a Master's degree. A corporate career. 12 years starting over and over again because I couldn't see that world for what it was and desperately wanted to succeed in it. So much. Every end to a job felt like my life was ending. I couldn't bear it. And I felt relieved. Every time.

The times I asked this questions over the past 10 years, the answer was always the same: I don't know. Now, lately the general direction has been clearer. So saying I don't know today doesn't mean the same as it did 10 years ago.

When I say I don't know today what I mean is that I feel afraid. I have so much fear inside of me that it has started overflowing. It keeps me from doing things. Yes, there are physical constraints that hold me back from stuff, but that's not the whole story. The fear has gone so far that it is manifesting in my body, too.

My back is stiff. It's not from anything I've done. It's from that fear. I've had enough time and space to come to this conclusion. The fear is stuck in my body and I'd say I don't know how to get it out. But I do. The answer is to meet the fear, to feel it, embrace it and integrate it. I have to make friends with it and then walk alongside it, through it.

On the other side, I know what's waiting. I know it takes time to get there. I know it takes tenacity. Patience. That it's worth it.

I know I'm strong enough. Right now? I don't feel that way. I feel weak and alone and vulnerable and exposed and I'm not used to those feelings. Or at least I'm not used to face them. I'm used to bury them. Create shadows out of them. No more. I'm so done with shadows.

I want THEM exposed. So they no longer hold me back. So we grow together and make this next chapter happen.

Goodbye, old me.

[aphroditestummyrolls]

Having a totally normal one.

[halechief]

i . NEED. to either trim my bangs or cut my hair off why am i so consumed with indecision