#what are we calling those three now?
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how the fuck did Mr Phillip pull of dying twice and them being revived twice in a death game??
thats so ironic seeing as hes been cozening up to Philza, the angel of death, the entire games hahah
Philzas and Missas whole thing is deathduo. how is this poly-cule so perfect?
#i know the first time was a bug but twice???#fucking destiny playing favorites here#how does this keep happening to philza? haha#squidcraft#squidcraft 3#philza#missasinfonia#mr phillip#what are we calling those three now?
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i am going to pass out
#tonight was an absolute nightmare due to something that was completely an accident we couldnt have predicted but also completely my fault#everythings okay now and there wont be lasting damage or anything its fixed but i just had like three consecutive panic attacks and cried#and im not really sure how to deal with it#ive talked to my friends (those who are. awake.) and called my parents and now im just. lying trying to sleep feeling scared and terrible#i dont. know who to discuss it with or what but its. a mess#this is a situation that none of you could even guess and it doesnt have anything to do with any of my friends or family or relationships#really that ive mentioned so dont speculate but it was. something frightening and i am very shaken#i am a ball of stress and anxiety and i wish i could just chill at all
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A day in the life with my family(illustrated):
Three of my siblings and my sisters boyfriend trying to get my cat to join them on the trampoline(note her expression)
My mom petting our cat on the couch sayinh "is something wrong with you" with a baby voice(he usually doesn’t like cuddles)
Me and @blueskybehindtheclouds bonding on a piano chair that barely has space for one person on a good day(honorable mention to our cat named chat noir)
And last but not least this with no context im not giving context
#hey maybe we should get like#a reality tv show#that would be entertaining#my family is chaotic#somehow we have not scared away my sisters boyfriend#but he is joining in so hes probably gonna be fineeee#also my little brother saw a big ass tick and said “that looks like a blueberry i get why (cousin) would eat it”#?????#apparently my cousin once ate a tick???#oh well#this is why i havent finished any fics yet#also one of our three cats is activly trying to move away#which is sad#she keeps literally knocking on an old lady's window#like she knocks on windows and doors with her paws its very cute#and chat noir just climbs the thingies on the window#what are those called#anyways#our last cat just screams#like she meows very loudly#she is the confused looking one and she is my baby#except for the time she saw me unable to move on the floor and was like “yes i can get onto the kitchen counter now”#i definantly spelt that wrong#and that#oops#she is still a baby though#i think im rambling now gonna end it there
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Uh-oh! You are like, SOOO awkward!!
You're so awkward that it is occasionally mildly uncomfortable for people!
You're so awkward that sometimes people are confused by you and then there are awkward silences!
You're so awkward ...... that ultimately no one is harmed!!
Oh damn!!! What a vile crime you have committed! What an unforgivable thing it is to make a fellow human briefly confused!
Why, if *I* were ever briefly confused and kind of uncomfortable as a result, I'd be devastated.... by the absolute net zero change in my happiness and health! - From which I might never recover!! Yes indeed! No punishment can ever be enough for you!!
So you better absolutely hate yourself for it.
Better be SO MEAN to yourself about every single missed social cue so you don't forget your horrible crime! Meaner than you'd ever dream of being to someone else for the same thing! This is YOUR responsibility!
You need to show the world that you KNOW you are bad by punishing yourself constantly! After all, think of all the people who BENEFIT from you punishing yourself! - No, really! Think about it! Think about who benefits from your pain.
Think of alllllll the definitely-good people that your definitely-necessary self-torment definitely helps! I mean, you can't just cut off their definitely-life-sustaining supply of your suffering, right?? Sure, everyone else has a breaking point, but you're probably the only person in human history who doesn't, right? Best not to question it probably. Sure, it's a symptom that billions of people with trauma have had, but who knows? You could be a one-in-seven-billion exception. Anything's possible!
Instead, better just accept that idea that bullies carry like guns in holsters - the idea that people who have trouble with social cues deserve to suffer. Better carry on the burden they placed on you until you drop. Aid the cause of the callous by enforcing shame and suffering upon yourself extra hard; try your best to do their work for them. They're very busy.
Better not recognize that you need patience and kindness to heal from your trauma. Better not find out that it was trauma rather than personal weakness filling your head with self-hating thoughts. Better not find out it wasn't your fault.
Better not find out that awkwardness is not inherently harmful or unkind, and, in fact, the people who act like it is *are the ones enacting harm and being cruel.*
Better not get righteously angry when you realize just how much unnecessary damage this has done to you. After all, if you get mad, you might realize you deserve better. You might even feel brave enough to DEMAND better! You might build boundaries that keep you safe! You might make other people think they deserve to feel safe too! And we obviously can't be having that, so...
Better not show yourself even a little kindness a little bit at a time.
Better not make a habit out of it after all that practice.
Better not get confident.
Especially if you can't first wipe out every trace of awkward. (And you probably never will. Because people who experience absolute social certainty at all times tend to be insufferable assholes that enforce the status quo. And you just don't have the stock portfolio for that.)
Better not be confident and awkward because then you might confuse and delight people
- you might accidentally end up making other people feel less shame for their social difficulties
- you might make isolated, traumatized, and shy people feel like they deserve to be included in social situations
- you might even make them feel they can be themselves around you
- you might start loving the effect you have on a room
- you might enjoy conversations more
- you might forgive yourself and bounce back from shame more easily and frequently
- you might come to enjoy some of those moments of harmless confusion you cause because NOBODY expects the Confident Awkward, and that can genuinely be an advantage in social situations
- you might stop apologizing so much.
- you might find that socializing is like a video game: it requires practice but also a safe space for it to be fun and positive.
Or if you can't become assertive and confident, better not remain awkward and shy and quiet, and then love and forgive yourself anyway!
Why, it would be carnage!!
In either scenario, you run the risk of finding out that it's not your fault that safe spaces full of kind people can be really hard to find, create, and nurture. You could end up building a skillset that helps you do those things if you're not careful!
If you start giving yourself even the tiniest amount of grace at a time, you will find that you've accessed a gateway drug with extreme long-term side effects:
- You might realize that it was never your fault that it took so long to like yourself.
- You might realize that you were always worth talking to, even when you didn't like yourself and communication felt impossibly difficult.
- You might realize that you'll still be worth talking to even if communication becomes harder as you age and/or experience disability.
- You might come to know that you deserve to be heard even on bad days when words come slow and blurry.
You might discover that you were always deserving of kindness, first and foremost from yourself.
So. As you can see, it's FAR too much of a risk to start granting your awkward self free pardons for your many heinous and harmless crimes. Better to just leave it there.
#social skills#i have a few posts now in my ' social skills' tag#original#maybe eventually I will compile them and polish them in some meaningful way. I know what I want to call the book title#in big text it'll say 'I'M AUTISTIC' and then beneath that in smaller text 'And I Have Better Social Skills Than You'#or something to that effect. and the cover of the book will be me making an exaggerated smug face like the little rascal I am#challenging the viewer to pick up the book and see if they can prove me wrong.#and then the entire first section of the book is about how actually the issue with our society's social skills is the harsh judgment#for people who have trouble communicating and not the other way around. I don't actually think I'm the#most charismatic person in the world by a very long shot. but i do know that I have put more thought into my social skills than#most allistic people and frankly i have surpassed most of them. not because i am more persuasive or smooth or funny#(tho i am persuasive and funny lol) but bc i have questioned which social functions are more restriction than utility.#and instead i have focused my energy on actively learning how to make people feel safe. i feel social rules would benefit all people by#being a little more autistic tyvm. i don't think every person should dedicate themselves to being better at communicating#i think people should dedicate themselves to being kind and patient to everyone regardless of their ability to communicate#I think our society wrongly links communication ability to intelligence and intelligence to level of humanity.#when in fact all three of those things are fucking unrelated and connecting them inevitably leads to#really fucked up views on disabled people that hurt us. and then with that aspect of the book firmly understood and established I would#go on to recommend some ways to make socializing easier and more fulfilling (and less shameful and terrifying) for all kinds of people#it wouldn't be a book about Leaning In To Succeed in Business or 'here's how to avoid being the awkward loner at a party'#it'd be a book about how if you see someone alone at a party here's how to invite them to join your group without pressuring them#stuff like 'hot tip! if someone takes a while to type or speak a full sentence - talking over them b4 they can finish makes u an asshole!'#I know that a lot of people cannot or don't want to dump a lot of skill points into socializing like i did and they shouldn't have to in#order to experience basic dignity and respect. if we treat people like that then we just validate that people - especially#autistic children and elders and disabled people of manu varieties - have to suffer unless they learn all these arbitrary bullshit rules#and a lot of them are arbitrary bullshit! one of the reasons I throw people off so much is because I harmlessly break a lot of social rules#but I know I'm doing it and I'm not ashamed and people just don't know what to do with that! but a lot of them like it actually!!#i think it's a relief to be around someone so openly and unrelentingly weird bc what am I gonna do? judge you for being weird??#I only care if you're kind. not necessarily 'nice' or passive. Kind. Brave enough to care about people being treated well. Kind.#also I recognize that at least some of my ability to be openly weird is white privilege so that's important to acknowledge too
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Maybe I'm getting a little tired at the joking homophobia that's rampant online
#even when it comes from gay people even when i know its a joke#channelcast made some art with the mesmerizer miku and teto just. holding hands. thats it.#and i saw like three variations of 'i have a slur to say' 'i know what you are'#like??? i think we got too comfortable making those jokes publicly and not amongst our private friend groups#*i* know we're joking. but what if it risks normalising it?#its all fun and games until an actual homophobe feels safe enough to say shit because everyone else can say it why cant they#its how we get people calling others fruity or the skittle squad. maybe it was funny at first but i know what some people really want to say#maybe im just grumpy because its possible i may have a sinus infection#maybe im just mad that my mucus is now deeply unpleasant to look at
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heres my one page thesis on why hinomori mafuyu real
#back on this again. apologizes but the newest event hit me across the face#they found her in a wet cardboard box all alone…#also all of l/n call her babygirl its just that mafuyu only knows this from kanade who in turn has only heard honami say it#anyways heres my thoughts on the hinomoris and why they should get to keep mafuyu#uh.#so everyone knows how mafuyu has the mask she puts on yea. but i dont really see people mention how shiho and shizuku. also have that#in different but still similar ways#with shizuku putting on a perfect act where shes always smiling for her idol job and as to not worry her friends and shiho#while shiho puts on her act of not caring and pushing everyone way so they dont have to deal with her or the people who target her#so as we can see here. they both put on a mask and are self sacrificial about it for the sake of others#mafuyu does that too but instead of doing it for her friends and those that actually care about her. she does it for her mom who does not#idk. anyways something something these three have a similar way of dealing with things by bottling it up until they no longer feel it#do you get me#do you understand what im on about#if not idk i might be making it all up i havent had a chance to watch all of the events and ive been kind of skipping around on them#like watching the newer ones first which is probably not the best idea#okay im done now i just want others to see the vision and do my work for me#project sekai#mafuyu asahina#shiho hinomori#shizuku hinomori#oh last thing. shiho and shizuku absolutely beat up asahina its what they all deserve#asahina mother i mean. not mafuyu. they beat each other up in the losing at card games way while they beat up asahina mom with a steel chair
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i dont get how daigo could be bitchy and moody while wearing a puffer like . my brother in christ do you even know how silly you look rn trying to be emo in a puffer
#snap chats#looked at myself for too long and was about to have my Daily Required Evil Monologue but i just look too goofy with this thing on LMAO#its cold as hell. all the time. if i draw daigo in his puffer at some point this will be why#but yeah bro i cant sulk when i look like the michelin man like cmon#thats how i know daigo aint been around a mirror in Ever......#ough i wanna play gaiden now wait. coliseum calls to me......#i should eat tho UGH i dont know what to eat tho.#my heart always tells me to go with the pork floss onigiri but i already had one today#technically i eat two a day so i colud make another one but it'd feel weird only eating One..#but then i'd have had three rice balls and i dont like the number three... do we see my overly-convoluted dilemma...#ill prob cave and make two anyway. if im so tbh.#Come What May tomorrow my kirby onigiri case is coming in :) oh yeah i bought one of those. after being influenced. by bestie </3#OK BYE what the fuck am i gonna do oho my god i wanted to draw but now coliseum but now food bu
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tfw you have ideas in your noggin but can't properly convey them
ignore the yellowish doodles as it was just kinda brainstorming but the "fractures" thing and loose concept of the more concrete version is kinda what i really wanted to get out
exploring ideas on like, ig how to interpret God (for HH purposes)? dunno my brain kept thinking of The Stranger from Slay The Princess.
in a way of, i cant think of one idea of how to interpret them so fuck it its all of them
also kinda had the thought process of, well i still see them as a void being and its kinda funny imagining that if side b is forced to obey the whole equilibrium between "good" and "bad", then would be funny if God had to in a way as well but creates other beings (the angels) to do it for them so it just casually bypasses that
which is also really funny since the concept of good and bad likely came from them in the first place since its not like the void literally had anything like that beforehand
idk loose random brain rot brainstorming imma probably not come back to this concept again
#ukureticence#ichor's blessing#random character concept#i needed to get it out of my noggin before it drove me insane#couldnt draw it even remotely how i imagined it really but uhhh i got the base idea of it out there#i dont have the energy or patience to do research for an actually good concept for how God (for Hazbin Hotel) would look like#so i kinda just use other people's things of them#and like#most things i do are self inserting into other universes or something#then i had the thought of#what if#i literally just took all those ideas that i adore and mash em into something im happy with#so boom we kinda did it#ish#i had like 5 interpretations of god in mind since i think i only really know four now im thinking about it.#i legit can only remember the name of the creator of three right now#which is hunterkhean - astralpunkass and of course folieradis#again im not expecting this topic revisited i just wanted to get the brain rot out#because it feels like i have to make concepts of the archangels if i do and my head will literally implode if i try#i design stuff i dont do lore or research just random loose concepts#even then i like hunterkhean's and ladi's designs/interpretations too much to really even want to make my own tbh#i mash things together in my head and call it a day which accidentally makes one massive collab except nobody knows they're collabing#since its all in my head#okay im done brain rotting#a cone's musing
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was gonna make a post bitching about how being a princess of heart works but then i remembered the whole union cross 'the 13 darknesses are sentient' thing and came up with my own theories but ive looped back around to being mad again. goddd why does shit actually work when you think about it im so mad
#i was hung up on the singular sentence in kh3 abt them releasing the lights into new vessels (EXPLAIN PLS?)#and ive come to the conclusion that the 7 lights are their own sentient beings like the darknesses who can interact with their hosts#and they explained the situation and all went 'hey jasmine/belle/etc id usually only do this if u died but like#the baddies all know where we are now. can we fuck off to new hosts so they dont find us'#and the princesses all went thumbs up emoji and off they fucked to arendelle#n then that leaves a couple options for kairi#first off her light went 'oh she has a keyblade? im staying here then. no need to ask her'#second off it asked her and she decided to keep it. which is INTERESTING and i will have to think abt to decide what it means#bcos like. im keenly fucking aware that we get Three whole sentences abt the situation in kh3#and neither kairi nor the former princesses r there for it. so like. Assumptions R Being Made!#like i know the princess of hearts logic is literally just 'we made the disney princesses into macguffins'. but like. augh#this also brings me to question like. yeah yeah heart wont make a nobody. but like. what ELSE does lightdom grant#bcos we KNOW excess darkness has an impact (hi terra)#and if the only ppl without darkness are those currently hosting the light (and ven. hi ven)#then moving to another host like elsa requires purging them of their darkness. which i feel should. do something#IDKK im pontificating with shaky knowlege but like. u undestand#anywho leftover stir fry is calling my name xoxo
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I FUCKING HATE MEDICAL FACILITIES!!!!!!!!!!
#GODDD WHY CAN NOTHING BE EASY#i call a place last weekend. im like hey i need a physical for work can you do that#yes we can!#awesome can i schedule an appointment#oh dont worry we take walk ins you dont need one#great! cool!#fast forward to this morning. i fucking hate doctors offices i hate thinking about them i hate going to them.#i psyche myself up for like an hour. i drive the 45 minutes to this place. i get inside hand them the paper tbe lady is like#super frustrated. doing that awful thing moms do where theyre like. doing things more forcefully than needed and sighing#she goes. we dont do this here. im like. oh well i called last weekedn and someone said i could come here#shes like. idk what to tell you we cant do this. im like ok do you have any suggestions for places that do. she says no. i leave.#i call like THREE DIFFERENT PLACES and all of them are like. lol you need a pcp. i dont have one of those yet.#head in hands. i just wasted two damn hours of my weekend for nothing AND NOW I HAVE TO GO GROVERY SHOPPING. i fucking#hate it here everything sucks im so mad.#i literally just need someone to go “yeah youre healthy” and sign a paper. thats IT
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i have obtained a SIGNIFICANT and POTENTIALLY CARCINOGENIC BIOHAZARD and im BEYOND EXCITED ABOUT THIS
#the bhiohazard in question? a couple of nastyass turnouts!!!! a jacket and some pants!!!!!#yeah theyre sitting abt three feet away from me but dw!!! theyre in a big garbage bag so its ok ^-^#basically the EMT program (that im almost done with. as a side note but woot woot) is selling their old student ambulances#since theyre a bitch to maintain and we have a newer indoors simulator (its like. the back of an ambulace built into a room)#(like the back and one of the sides are open and it doesnt have a drivers compartment (duh) and no tires but is otherwise a Real Ambulance#which we use for practicing)#anyways so these old student ambulances gotta get cleaned out before they can be sold yeah?#and as it HAPPENS!! theyve been storing a SHIT TON of nasty filthy smelly turnouts in there for the past While#like probably 12-16 Large garbage bags full#(for those who dont know: turnouts are what those fucking. firefighter uniforms are called. like the ones they wear In Fires)#and they dont know what to do with them so theyre gonna get thrown away next week#so my TEACHER!!! was like 'yall if anyone Wants any of that shit you can literally just help urself'#so i went down today and poked thru some bags and GOT STUFFS!!!#anyways i am excited not only bc Turnouts Cool but ALSO bc theyre Super Fucking Insulated#bc theyre meant to be worn inside Massive and Super Hot fires#which yeah protects u from extreme heat but my GENUOS BRAIN also realized this: they would be STUPID COZY in cold weather#and i happen to be moving to a rather cold part of the states in a few months!!!!#so now i have free winter gear and its EXTRA SEXY STYLE#however u CANNOT clean turnouts at home bc#a) they gotta be washed with Extra Strong Industrial Fucking Machines#(called 'extractors' not 'washing machines')#and b)#they can and WILL leech nasty fucking toxins from structural fires into your machine and contaminate everything forever <3#so ive reached out to some 'send away' turnout laundry services#idk if theyre gonna do it tho cuz um. im Not associated with a fire department <3#so if that fails ill just do the best i can at home!!! <- research mode Engaged#either way theyre sexy and Yes i can still smell them despite them being bagged in a Super Rugged Industrial Manly Garbage Bag#(i didnt tie it super tight)#btu thats ok whats life without Danger <3#whatever the fuck
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Wakes up. Goes the fuck back to sleep. Does this at least 3 times before actually getting up for the day--
#I'm just a sleepy little lad what can I say#sleepiest girl in the world#which reminds me while I was playing three hopes last night on that expedition I took caspar on he yawned and called lin tf out#saying something like I won't fall asleep like a certain someone we know those two are so in love your honor#and I love both of them so so much#Kk goin back to sleep now I took my meds so I have nothing else to worry about being awake for#best way to handle a dose increase? sleep through it!#no real shit every time I get an increase on my dosage it makes me incredibly sleepy for a few days before making me feel awake for the day#data log: personal
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many experiences today
#we went over to türksan to get a panoramic xray of my teeth at the dentist (no elaboration)#then we went to my favorite good place again! third day in a row. they know us very well by now#i broke the bones of one of the chicken wings i ate while biting into it from the sheer amount of force i was putting on it.#i then got called ladylike once again by im assuming the owner. the people of turkey Love me#(<-has been called ladylike by three different nearly-strangers recently)#we then went to the ice cream place just across ^^ i got oreo ice cream and gum flavored ice cream#...gum..mastic gum? is it called mastic gum. thats what google says#oh whatever. its those unflavored ones#then we went to A101 (a grocery shop) but i waited outside because there were cats there#one was really sweet but there was a little kid (about 7 years old) that screamed at it and chased it. have not had homicidal thoughts in -#- a while but i did today#then we went home#was pretty nice! im very proud of having gotten called ladylike again only because that means its Working (me being nice)#🌙rambling#OH how dare i forget. on the minibus ride there we saw a god damned horse. and people were riding it with a carrier#i was very shocked. second time i've seen horses in this place
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For those that aren't in Australia right now, we have the funniest scandal going on.
Firstly let us introduce you to the eye of the storm: Sam Kerr. Sam is a women's soccer player who has in the last year become one of the most famous and beloved athletes in Australia. Captain of the women's national team, Sam became something of a cult figure after the last Women's Soccer World Cup became a complete unpredicted sensation in Australia, with the whole country getting behind the team.
Sam, up until now, has had probably one of the most squeaky clean images in sport. Generally in Australia it is not uncommon for our sports stars to be caught up in scandals involving drugs:
violence:
drinking their own urine:
or if you're cricket legend Shane Warne, probably all three at once.
Contrasting all this, Sam's image as the squeaky clean saviour for sport made it all the more shocking this last week, when it was announced that Kerr was to face trial after having been charged by the UK police of a "racially aggravated offence" involving a taxi driver.
This was shocking news. Nobody knew what to make of it. Sam was a model for young girls everywhere and a national treasure. "This is why we can't have nice things" screamed the nation. It seemed like all hope was lost.
That is, until, yesterday, when the UK police finally revealed the full details of the case, in which Sam Kerr, sporting legend, was arrested for vomiting in a cab, and then telling an intervening police officer that he was a “stupid white bastard”.
Now we probably don't need to point out that in Australia, vomiting in a taxi and then calling a cop a bastard is about as close to a national culture as we have.
You could not have come up with a better headline to make someone a national hero.
Needless to say, Sam in now being hailed down under as the greatest legend that ever lived, and a petition has already been started to have her picture added to the $5 note.
The tide has swung so far that not one, but TWO, state Premiers have spoken out in support of Kerr, and the Prime Minister has even gone on the record describing her as "a delight".
And so ends the racial abuse saga of our greatest sports hero of all time, and the very first reverse milkshake duck to ever exist.
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DID YOU MISS THE EXAM... Either way I can believe in that superstition for a sec I'm so sorry 😭😭😭
NONO I TOOK IT. BARELY. I BARELY TOOK IT. I JUST THOUGHT CLASS WAS GOING TO BE NORMAL BUT NOPE <3<3<3
#snap chats#ngl cried a lil in classs... mightve scribbled a bit on the page.. which has happened before when taking spanish tests LMAO#the rage and anger i felt... oh to punch a wall like i literally just wanted to leave and scream#and i havent felt that kind of anger in a hot minute it was so ugly LMAOOOO so stupid nothing even majorly bad happened#it just the build up ig.... anyways...#I THOUGHT IT WAS WEDNESDAY CAUS EI HAVE AN ASSIGNMENT TOMORROW#AND ASSIGNMENTS ARE USUALLY DUE THE DAY BEFORE THE EXAM BUT. OK. FUCK ME IG#when i finally stopped being a big ol baby i focused on the questions and they weren't actually too hard so im p sure i did fine#it was just... The Emotional Damage of walking in thinking it was gonna be a chill day after Everythin and its like :) No Exams Today :)#the funnier bit is that i literally asked my professor and then she forgot to give me the exam so i had to ask her for it 🧍♂️#right after asking about the exam 🧍♂️like i know im unremarkable but you JUST spoke to me....#my reputation of being the most invisible man continues..... an ironic title to have but ill take it....#call my ass kellam the way i have to remind people im here <3 fe homies will know what that means and they'll know im right </3#anyway to end the horrible night. Hopefully. i was gonna get milk from the milk dispenser Because We Have Those#and the milk i usually get was empty so i got the second one and the spout was tilted weirdly so the milk just went backwards#so that was fun. to get. and then a guy tried getting chocolate milk after me and Something happened cause he just yelled the f slur LOL#what a day... it's no one's day today apparently.....#anyway Lesson Learned don't fuck with three's. i don't like the number three it always gives me bad vibes...#did i disclose my Unhealthy relationship with numbres.. i prob did lol.. ima wrap this post up now...
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Staring at the screen thinking, "You can reach out! Please reach out! I'm here, I will always be here for you, please message me. Please."
#so did you know tiktok has a new feature where you can see when aomeone has viewed your profile? did you know?#i learned that the other day when it notified me of like. an old coworker checking it#now he and i are just checking each other back and forth. to me its a fun little game#yknow whats not a fun litle game?#the fact that when i got that notification i immediately went and checked an old friend's that im no contact with#and then she checked mine back..and i checked hers again#and today i got the notification that she checked mine again#im feeling really normal about this by the way#neither of us have anything posted. so maybe im crazy. but im checking just so she gets the notification#and i have to assume shes doing the same. but maybe not#last time we talked i told her she was always welcome back in my life#but i knew i couldn't be the first to reach out. it'd be up to her#and at the time she said she didnt anticipate that being the last time we would talk#so for the last three years ive been hoping praying and waiting for the day that she comes back#even though realistically i know it wont happen so i almost wish she hadnt said that#but this is the closest weve come to speaking in those three years. checking each others tiktok profiles#and im just staring at the notification whispering 'you can come back. please come back'#i will die wishing that she would call me#i know that to be true as much as it hurts. but for right now i can be hopeful. or something like that#and keep checking her profile. in the hopes that she'll come back
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