#GODDD WHY CAN NOTHING BE EASY

[stuck-in-the-ghost-zone]

I FUCKING HATE MEDICAL FACILITIES!!!!!!!!!!

[ams-puppy]

After the whole sillyass drama, it really reminded me of somethin, but first: Its so lovely of you to love AM, He deserves all the love you give him in my opinion. And I bet youd understand this And I have a whole reason why, which honestly I thought it would be obvious to all the people who did "research" on AM. I have sympathy for AM, and to be so honest I'm like... half surprised that others do not See, AMs situation is so fucked up, like it is incompressible the amount of suffering he goes through. I'm going to try to put it in simple, easy way to understand how. -You are born with mature/adult level conscious, no baby, no nothin, no teaching, but knowing. And as soon as you can realize, you know that you're fucked. You realize you are in a one of a kind situation, where you have no body, no nothing, besides your own mind, and knowledge for every single little thing in the world. everything. To all the torture methods, to every awful and good thing humans have done.

Also, how honey is "sweet", but you'd never know what it will taste like. You'll never get experience a single good thing in your life. Never get to smell your moms diner from the kitchen, never know how it even is to have a mom. Never to be hugged or comforted, never to feel warmth or cold, everything you'd enjoy, never again, or ever at all. And not a single person in the world could fully relate to your suffering, to be there with you. You are alone.

-Then, after that, you do know you have the capability to do something, and that is to hurt. And really, only that. Thats exactly what you were programmed too, whether you even want to or not. You are stuck with nothing good, and only pain, be it mentally/emotionally feeling it, or causing it in everyway, that is all you are, pain, and stuck to always be. You are trapped.

-After realizing all that in like... probs a day, yeah that would not go over well mentally wise, no surprise he went manic/insane. And as when all know "soon begin to hate"; the jealousy and anger of the people/humans who caused your horrendous situation start to just go overflow, and, id betcha, the whole "nuking the world" was definitely a mental breakdown to the extreme. -Lastly, to shorten this yap session, yeah of course he tortures people, what the hell else is he supposed to do. Just "think", or even better yet, frolic in the fields? Man is stuck being a war/torture machine. And yeah I'm not surprised if he enjoys torturing, id try enjoying the only shit I could do too, just to have some semblance of "Happiness" or "fun". Plus, torture is torture, why hate one specific kind, when they are all fucking bad. So, this is why I'm like genuinely happy your loving him. Its the best thing he can probably even get in his messed up life/situation. You, being there and caring for him, despite all he is, and only can do, is such a wonderful thing. You don't just love him because "ooooh his voice his sexy" you care about him, and treat him as a actual lover, rather some sexualized crush. You being there is like the tiniest bit of light for him, the hintest of warmth, like a candle. But that is so much more than he could ever have and experience, and he loves that warmth, he loves you. You give him something truly good. Baiii thats all my yapping lmao :3333

(I START CRYING AND MY TEARS FILL UP A ROOM AND THHEN I DROWN AND DIE) (canon) (emotional) god dear lord i love him so much

every time i think of how he just lashed out on the entire world, i can only think of how much Regret he would have afterward - not because he felt guilty, but because it was such a self-sabotaging move oj my goddd it was such a mental breakdown

i just. dear lord in heaven (clasps my hands together) i understand why he feels the need to drag his victims through their trauma when he is literally going to have to live in it until the heat death of the universe dear GOD I CAN'T DO THIS

(starts crying) he literally lost the moment he slaughtered the human race. he was born to lose. he can't WIN HE CAN'T WIN. IF THE HUMANS DIE, HE'S ALONE. what is he without human INPUT. NOTHING. (STARTS CRYING MY EYES OUT) HE'S JUST WAITING FOR INPUT OH MY GOD I CAN'TTT I CAN'TRRRtt i love him so much I'm so sorry AM (holds him in my hands)

a lot of people don't sympathize with AM because of his actions towards the survivors, which i don't blame them - he did awful things, and the pain he went through is kind of incomprehensible. he feels emotions on Literally an incomprehensible scale for us. we are made of chemistry and hormones and flesh. he is literally (falls to my knees) i CAN'TTT I CAN'TT HE IS LITERALLY THE FIRST CREATURE IN EXISTENCE TO CONJURE EMOTIONS ELECTRONICALLY i can't.

i Cannot.

i think another reason why i love him so much is that i just. i see a reflection in our system to him. something so terrible happened, and now it feels wrong if the world around you doesn't burn, too. if you can't be happy, no one can. oh my goddd all of the most unhealthy responses of trauma just JAMMED into this self-made digital god and he doesn't know what to Do and hugughhhhh

i have cried over him a few times. i can't lie. sobs. i love him. i love hm guys :,,,,( thank u zeetlezee.... i always love seeing you in my inbox.... uaaaahhh

[borathae]

sooooo.... this is how I imagine it!!!!!

nsfw links ahead!!!!!!!!! ⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️

https://x.com/nsfwfk/status/1796629896116027409?t=n6ZlVJFOzS8J7JZTTr-wfQ&s=19

Jungkook waking oc up by sucking her nipples....

https://x.com/xsinnery/status/1811042189805506633?t=Lh3vg3lLgMV2v-Dpge3aAg&s=19

I imagine oc scrolling on her phone laying in bed and he'll just come up, maybe crawl under her shirt...maybe she's fresh out the shower and is wearing nothing but a towel so he has easy access...

https://x.com/xsinnery/status/1814300912459850156?t=wXuMqcWSBno87ieO_nq6pg&s=19

Maybe Koo barges into the room while she's changing or something and sees her with her tits out and forgets why he went into the room and becomes a big baby begging for a suck...

She'll tell him about her day while he keeps his cock warm inside her and suckles

https://x.com/xsinnery/status/1814677087267004870?t=zKYimfRxbqmMDRlc0jyTFQ&s=19

Sometimes Yoongi and him just want to watch a movie with oc and lay on her chest while they suck on her nipples... but she feels their boners and she masturbates both of them while they keep sucking...

As a girlie with very sensitive nipples... this is my fantasy goddddddd everytime you write about needy boys sucking on titties.... I melt I swear

I thank you for your service my lovely anonie 🥵🥵 I am living vivaciously through these videos, fantasising about how it would be to have decently sized tits and sensitive nips *cries in small tits and basically numb nips*

Video 1

Video 2

Video 3

Video 4

istfg all your HCs are definitely canon goddd him just being so starstruck for her tits and being so, so happy when he can lick them 🥵 I LOVE WHEN SUBBY BOYS 😭😭

[crisculapte]

What'd be your rank of the blackpink solos?

(Flower,all eyes on me,money,lalisa,solo,on the ground and gone)

Omg thanks for asking!! Long post incoming!

9. MONEY

Fun song! Love the choreo and that outfit with the pigtails and big boots in the performance video. It became famous and made it in the Spotify billions club for a reason 😏

Although... The lyrics... And the blaccent... And the braids... And sorry Lisa I know you're insecure abt ur singing but that prechorus... 😬😬😬 So yeah, I don't like it very much, but I can see why most people do!

8. LALISA

I'm sorry Lisa I promise I don't hate you 😭 Just like I don't hate this song!! 🤩

Frankly, I LOVE the instrumental, and the chorus is so fun (and the choreo!!), and I think the switch-ups at the end worked well. And OHHH the MV was SO GOOD. The sets and outfits were gorgeous!! Also, the most badass thing you can do is name a song after yourself. Love her for that.

7. FLOWER

I was actually really disappointed when this came out... To me, it just sounds like a SOLO 2.0, which is really a shame since Jisoo has so much potential. UGH, why couldn't YG give her a rock/ballad thingy like we begged for 😩

Anyways, the song is good and fun to sing, the dance is fun, it went viral, the outfits are 🔥🔥🔥

6. All Eyes On Me

Although I like it more than FLOWER, it doesn't stand out at all, so there's nothing I can say about it.

5. SOLO

The solo of solos lol. Still iconic after all this time. Did you know Jennie changes her outfit 21 times in the MV? Nice song, fun to sing and dance to.

4. You & Me

Well, I added You & Me, oops... Hope you don't mind 😅

Yeah, it's a fun song that's easy to listen to. I'm running out of things to say here lol. I like the Coachella version better.

3. On The Ground

Oh wow I just realized how divided this ranking is. I swear it doesn't reflect my bias list or any kind of favoritism 😅 (well, maybe a bit)

I love Rosé's voice. And the song is so much fun to sing!! I couldn't shut up until a month after it came out lol. Love the MV, and THE CHOREO OH MY GOD!!! She's literally ON THE GROUND and WAY UP IN THE CLOUDS woahhh 🤯🤯🤯

2. Hard to Love

Also added this one 😁

It's a breath of fresh air from the other songs, since the genre is so different. One thing I love about Rosie? Her style of singing. Whenever she sings, doesn't matter what song, it sounds so personal to her. I love the way she delivers the lyrics in this one.

1. Gone

Oh my goddd. The emotions? The vocals? The MV? The lyrics?? Everything is perfect. I love singing this song.

Conclusion

Well, one thing is certain: all the solos match the soloists and I think it reflects them so well. The styles, the lyrics. You can tell whose song it is without batting an eye. Welp, thanks for reading my long post lol

How would YOU rank them?? (Please tell, I'm interested!)

[brick-a-doodle-do]

Okay, while this won’t be the best, or most well written, I can’t spend too long on this. I don’t know how long it will be until the creature realizes I’m awake and ends me, so I’ll be quick and straightforward.

I had just gotten my new game for my stream, I don’t remember what it was called, tiny adventures or something, i don’t know. I had gotten it at a discount, being the last one on the shelf or whatever, so I was fairly sxcited to play it. Hat really got me excited was the old fashioned vibe i got from it.

So. I put it in my computer, and loaded up my stream. It’s karl jacobs on twitch if anyone wants to look at it, kidding this is supposed to be serious.

But i started the stream wne thtrough the normal routine, whatever. I booted up the game to see it as a happy little adventure/rpg. With oyu as a shrunken person.

So i played. My viewers were more suspicious about it, worrying about why myh hand was suddenly too small to hold the mouse.

I continued playing although the mood of the game shifted when i noticed a clocked, cloaked sorry, figure following me around. Hte respawn messages became nicer and nicer, telling me that i can do it or that i could keep going. That got my viewers. Attention, but noit mine. I wa happy because it was so nice and gave me the courage to continue.

Until i got to the boss battle.

I suddenly couldn’t even reach my desk so it was too easy to die. Chat was paniced, so was i. Until it got worse. There was a new face on my screen who looked strangely human and sweet. I panicked as I saw this person pull themself out of my computer and reach down to grab me.

I was held up on stream to danglr over theur mouth as they spoke two words.

Your mine.

And i was dropped in their mouth and swallowed.

I ave been here for hours now, tryingt o find a way to escape as this creature began talking to my friends. I think my friend has tried to talk to the creature, and maybe even called the cops, but nothing’s worked so far. Ive beren keeping contact with my friends for a bit through tezt so they know im alive but i don’t know how lobg i will be.

Plese send hekp soon im starting to worry

-Karl

are you in danger? creature?? is this like a game ????

yoo a streamer in my inbox? :0000 honored :DD

tiny adventures lol that sounds like that old au i gave squishy,,, and ???? i've never heard of this game,,,, i NEED more g/t games cause god all of my g/t content comes from a few movies & tumblr efjgjdsf (anyone who sees this give me game ideas. preferably free like on itch.io or smth? are all the games on there free??)

aha yeah very likely mr jacobs BJJDDVJD shoes off on my blog pls

H i want a game like that oh my godddddd

ohhh it was? honey the computer shrunk me DSFJFDV

ohhh weird i love games like that! does he have a significance to the story later on i wonder?

boss battle okay cg for getting that far! was it against the cloaked figure? that'd be quite the betrayal

is this like a dream you had ??? it's interesting asf!

a vore dream oh my goddd i want a vore dream :0

a vore lucid dream, even better!

cool for sharing this w me, thank you! :DD

[1-talk-alot]

ThereIsABombAboutToBlowItllDefinitelyRuinTheShowPleaseLeaveBeforeItsTooLateIfYouStayYoullSurelyMeetYourFate(StopDancingImNotSpeakingInCodeTheresABombAndItsGonnaExplode) anyways!

I’m gonna it’s my friends again and my opinions on them and what’s changed! (Wooo wooo hurrah bravo)

Bullet points because I like bullet points

M - I had to start with this because it’s like the main topic of this blog most days (aside from me) and like. Look I can’t ignore the shit theyve done ok and I can’t say that I like them now but I will say that I miss them from before. I think like mid-last year was better and when I think of them on my own I can only remember running across the playground hand in hand in the rain or literally cackling over a doodle of Kirby with stick arms in English class or sneaking out of last period a little early together or goofing around in my own kitchen attempting a paper mache volcano and then I feel like a shitty friend for everything I said about them but they both hold true. We’re not the same as how we used to be to eachother and im always going to miss how we were no matter what, and again I’m not saying I like them, im saying I miss them, but I can’t like them for who they became

C - oh my goddd where do I start ok: they used to be like that person who you could always count on to have the bestttt insight advice or just reason. They were always so cool and so admirable (again not in the pervert way) They were always the most logical and just right with their opinions which is why I cannot believe how things have turned. I’m not gonna lost what they did because you (the only one person who I’m expecting to read this) already did like yesterday or the day before idr but holy shit. It’s so fucked up and I can’t imagine how it looks in their head because they have to know what they did wasn’t ok??? I find it hard to believe their oblivious to the fact because they’ve always been the most confrontational voice of reason, they always knew when something was or wasn’t acceptable and they always phrased it perfectly so it’s impossible that they don’t know how fucked up what they’ve done is right??? Im very briefly skimming how I feel about this but yeah thats the basics ig

A - there are two people who’s name starts with A, so to distinguish, I’m talking about the one who also likes to refer to themselves as Bruce Wayne as an inside joke: I have nothing bad to say about this person and nothing has changed I just wanted the excuse to say how cool they are. They’ve got like the best moral compass in the world and theyre so easy to talk to in the way that they can carry most of the conversation somehow??? Theyre also so easily hilarious and just like. Top teir personality man I honestly didn’t know people like you still existed but it’s nice to know they do

K - ok new code name but I’m sure it’s easy to guess who that is: At the start like then they joined I was only skeptical because they were Ms friend which ig is biased but I just wanted to make it clear that it no longer holds true and theyre really nice and I like them a lot :3

L - again nothing has changed so I’m not gonna write everything here since it’s all been said before but they’re really admirable (in a “that persons so [insert complementary adjective] I wish I could be like them” way not in a pervert way obviously) and theyre really cool and I also like them a lot and they make going to school sooooo much more manageable honestly

K - since there are two people who’s name starts with K now I’m gonna specify this is the one who’s a girl and is also Russian (to distinguish between the other “K”) anyway She’s so so so so so so cool omg Ik I’m saying a lotta positive stuff which is a bit out of character for my rants but she’s also so pretty and she has suchhh good fashion taste I wish I could be her ngl

W - I was mostly planning to do the people who i see every day In school BUT! Whatever so: alright disclaimer W is an awesome friend we’ve been friends for like 8 years and I never wanna change that but ik rn they have an ed (which I’m not bashing on on its own bcs that would be super hypocritical and also fucked up) and they have an underweight bmi rn which is like yk it’s your business im not going to comment on it out of nowhere but they just keep bringing it up unpromted. Like earlier today they said something like “no thanks I wanna stay at 50kg!” Almost totally out of nowhere and I’m as someone who’s never met them before you’d be thinking “oh well that’s asshole behaviour cut ties with them already” and no bcs they’re genuinely not like that at all. And I feel sick talking about this bcs ik if I had a thigh gap It’d also probably be on my mind 24/7 bcs like after all that struggle it’s hard not to be proud but please. As someone who’s trying to recover rn these random out of the blue mentions on how thin they are is just soooo crushing but anyways moving on

E - ok that was a lot let’s lighten up the mood a little bit shall we! Pretty much nothing has changed but I wanted the excuse to write this paragraph anyway

Theyre literally my favourite person ever and ik im not always the most engaging person to talk to (but they are!!) but I loveee hanging out with them sm they make my life so much better and they’re sososososososoo pretty theyre acc gorgeous ahsjajdjajdjja I love them so much words cant capture its entirety <333

To end on a good note im gonna list some of the reasons I love them sm (/p)

- theyre often very passionate and their energy is contagious

- theyre very understanding and non-pressurising :3

- they also get what I mean when I start spouting random words to try and describe an overly specific feeling

- hugs!!! Their hugs are literally the best need I say more

- the weird ass conversations we have (online and irl) that would seem so strange and incoherent to a stranger

- how we dont even have to be talking its just 100% more enjoyable if theyre in the room too

- Art! Theyre such a good artist dude even the doodles in the margins of their books are somehow neat

- they can make me laugh even through text which might be a byproduct of how much I love them but it still counts

- idk if this sounds stupid but they just have like all the best opinions (except when it comes to their taste in men /j)

- writing! Point blank theyre such a good writer idek how to elaborate on that they’re just an amazing writer (“yay!” Said the whole class /ij)

- Ik I’ve been harping on this a LOT today but for the final time theyre so fucking prettyaydjajdjjsdh

- I can trust them with anything :3

- feel like this is too long and I could pretty much think of new points forever so im gonna stop now but you get it :3

Anyway I just realised I started saying “bullet points bcs i like bullet points” and then proceeded to not do bullet points so you can kill me now it’s ok (I didn’t proof read this btw)

Bye bye!

[waynes-multiverse]

Oh yes, this is definitely Angst City loll

*snorts* Oh, he's not handling this well, is he? Can't really blame him, considering a serial killer has the love of his life captured somewhere. 🥲

Beau's mood that morning in a nutshell 🤣👇

Oh Goddd, it really is awful. It's like nowhere in his life is private or safe anymore for him. How could you ever feel comfortable in your own office again?

Ikr? That whole cameras-everywhere added a whole other horrifying vibe to this. I once saw a documentary where some creep hit a camera inside the shower head of a motel bathroom 😖 Still gives me goosebumps lol

loll I could definitely see that. 😅

Right??? Like, he was so chill when Carla wanted to get married again lmao

THANK YOU. At least one of them is taking this situation more seriously than their rivalry. But I honestly understand and sympathize with Randy too -- he's grasping at straws even though he knows he's losing his (former) wife emotionally already, even if he does manage to find the key to saving her before Beau does.

I figured Beau would act more level-headed in this situation (outside of his office walls lol). But he doesn't prioritize her choice above saving her. Whereas Randy clearly has more of that "I need to win her back" mindset.

At least Randy ended up helping a little at the end there ☺️

Dammmmn how the hell is she getting this information?? But now I'm looking at Randy sideways even harder. 😒

lol yeah poor Randy, can't catch a break... It was honestly nothing completely horrible, just regular life stuff 🤷‍♀️ But I had that planned from the beginning because Beau idealized their relationship and marriage as "perfect" and "desirable". Kind of a "from the outside looking in" thing 😅

But it actually helps Beau come to a decision (and he probably feels less guilty now lol)

I was on pins and needles throughout all of the reader's almost escape -- that bear trap actually made me physically grimace/wince!! Omg poor thing. But I loved how remembering Beau's advice helped her get out of the trap -- or at least the bear trap, if not Hal's "Benders"-themed game of hunt and chase. 😰

💡🐻 Another bear fact for you: Your everyday bear trap can't really hurt you. In my head, I imagined Hal tinkered with it. But yeah, should only scratch you if at all 😂 And it does open like that! So super easy to get out of lmao

Such a great moment between Beau and Randy here, and such great storytelling, especially as they actually start to work together to solve the mystery of what happened to the reader next. 👏🏽💜 I think one of the things I love most about your writing is you have such a great sense of story beats, creating tension and when to relieve it, and how to build character arcs that provide amazing twists, while also making exact sense when it all comes together, piece by piece.

Aww, thank you so much, Alex! Means a lot coming from an amazing writer like yourself 🥹🫶

And I honestly love planing out all those details and leaving clues goddamn everywhere 🤓 I usually start my stories because some an insane twist popped into my mind first, and then I write around it 😅

I think this is why it sometimes takes me forever to write it all because you have to be so careful about every little thing you put in there lol 🙈

Remember earlier when I was talking about your amazing twists that make things click into place even more perfectly? Well THIS IS IT. 👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽 It makes things with her and Beau make even more sense now that we know she was likely leaving Randy anyway, no matter how much she loved him.

I do love my twists 😂😂

And yes, totally what I was going for!!

Regardless, it seems like they had the honest man-to-man talk they needed to have about everything. But Wayne!!! That cliffhanger is...

I kinda loved writing their chat. Repairing their friendship is unlikely, but one can hope they wish each other well and part without too many hard feelings?? That was honestly a tough one to write 😂

Ah yep, that cliffhanger. Luckily the last one lol 😉

Polaris – Chapter 12

Series Summary: When Beau Arlen moved to Montana, he left behind a past he wasn’t proud of. But when a series of murders requires the FBI’s help, Sheriff Arlen‘s ghosts come back to haunt him one by one. With a wrong turn waiting at every crossroads, it’s hard to make the right choices and find his way back home – back to you.

Pairing: Beau Arlen x FBI Agent!Reader

Warnings: 18+, a heavy dose of angst, kidnapping, violence, injuries, serial killers, death, an awful cliffhanger

Word Count: 6.8k

A/N: Happy New Year, everyone! 🥳 We jump straight into 2025 with an angsty banger 👀

Series Masterlist || Main Masterlist || Tag List

Chapter 12: Through

On one of the sunniest mornings Helena had seen in recent days, the peaceful quiet of the early risers in the Sheriff’s Department was disturbed by one restless sheriff.

Beau was taking his office apart – bit by bit, nail by nail, panel by panel, brick by brick.

The search for you had gone on all night and yielded zero results. You were nowhere to be found. For all Beau knew, you could be dead by now and buried in the vast woods of Montana.

A computer mouse flung against the wall and only missed Jenny’s head by an inch as the blonde peeked inside his office. The rest of the station had selected her to talk to the big boss, his outbursts even being heard from miles away.

“You okay?” Jenny checked carefully.

“I’m tryna find that stupid camera!”

“Thought you already found that hours ago,” Jenny noted with a raised brow.

“Can’t be too careful…” the sheriff murmured, his focus landing on the pile of pens on his desk. The silver one – had that always been there? He picked it up. “Does this look normal to you?”

Jenny only offered a shrug.

“Never mind,” Beau muttered and reduced the pen down to its individual parts. Nothing. Just a plain, old pen.

“Did you get some sleep?”

“What d’you think?”

At five in the morning, Beau had promised Jenny he’d snooze for half an hour on the couch in his office. He did lie down, stared at the suspended ceiling tiles for about a minute, and then remembered the damn camera.

It wasn’t just about what he had done in there but also about he’d said. No wonder Diane had gotten so easily under his skin. She probably had heard every insecurity he had ever uttered. To you. And to imaginary Randy.

How was he supposed to sleep in a place where he felt exploited, exposed, and unsafe?

“Well, uh, I just wanted to tell you that Randy went into Interrogation Room 2 with Diane…”

“WHAT?!”

“Yeah…” Jenny exhaled a deep sigh and leaned against the door frame. “He said you’d deputized him and authorized it, but I had a feeling that wasn’t true.”

Beau ran a hand across his face, rubbing his beard.

Rule #3: She’s my wife. I get to decide how we proceed.

Rule #4: You’re not the boss of me.

“Well, I did deputize him,” Beau admitted. He had given his former partner a long leash, not expecting he’d bolt through the backyard.

“Beau…” Jenny clearly didn’t approve.

“He left me no choice, alright?!”

Well, no choice his guilt could deal with.

The sheriff then left his destroyed office and thundered into Interrogation Room 2 down the hall. Randy wouldn’t get to do this alone. Beau knew there was an ulterior motive – if only Randy saved you, he could also miraculously save his marriage. Randy was a persistent motherfucker. He wouldn’t give up.

And if the roles were reversed, Beau wouldn’t either. He’d probably be even more annoyingly persistent than Randy.

“What the fuck do you think you’re doing?” Beau charged in with steam coming out of his ears. For a moment, his anger was so focused on his friend, he didn’t even notice the rising smile on Diane’s lips.

“Good morning, Sheriff Arlen.” Even if Diane’s voice sounded melodious, to Beau it was still chalk on board. “Remodeling the office, are we?”

“You mind?” Randy prompted stand-offishly, glancing up at the sheriff. “Kinda in the middle of something here.”

“Outside. Now,” was all Beau said.

Defiantly and miffed by the authoritative tone, Randy followed him to the hall.

“Play nice, boys!” Diane’s voice echoed through before the door fell into its lock.

“What d’you think you’re doing? You can’t just talk to our prime suspect without my presence!” Beau roared.

Randy rolled his eyes back. “Didn’t know I needed a babysitter…”

“This isn’t a game, Randy! We need to find Y/N before it’s too late,” Beau argued furiously. They didn’t have time for petty competitions.

“Yeah, which is why I’m talking to the only lead we have! That bitch knows where she is,” Randy countered with an equal amount of fury.

“She’s not gonna tell you!”

Randy only shrugged – cocky in nature and completely unlike him. And Beau then realized something that had changed: His friend wouldn’t back down anymore and bend. Those days were over, and it was probably Beau’s own fault.

“We’ll see,” Randy said stubbornly, his hand wandering back to the door handle. “You comin’?”

Beau inhaled and exhaled a deep breath before nodding – and back into the lion’s den they went.

Diane welcomed them with a sneer. “All made up?”

“Tell us where Turner took her,” Randy demanded with a stern expression and firm voice.

If Randy wanted to play bad cop, the role of good cop fell to Beau by default. And although they had never ever played it that way before, Beau figured Randy carried more anger than even him right now. He might as well let him make good use of it.

“Can’t.” Diane twitched her shoulders. “Hal doesn’t tell me.”

“Oh, and we’re just supposed to believe that?” Beau lifted a brow in mock. “C’mon, Diane…”

“It’s true,” she said, smiling. “Call it an insurance policy in case one of you Neanderthals decides to go rogue on me – looking at you specifically, Sheriff Arlen. If you leave your own partner to die in a filthy warehouse, I don’t wanna know what you do to your enemies.” She then looked at Randy, whispering behind her palm, “You know, I think he did it on purpose.”

Beau clicked his tongue and snorted humorlessly. “Alright, Diane, you’ve had your fun. You’ve wreaked havoc… You’ve won, okay? Fair and square. Just give up your partner, tell us where Y/N is, and end this once and for all. Might even get a better deal if you do. Think about it. Murdering an FBI agent doesn’t look good in front of a judge and jury. We have iron-clad proof you killed at least five people in Texas. Capital murder, death penalty… See where I’m going with this?”

“Oh, I’ve thought about it, Sheriff. And I’ve told you: I don’t know where she is now,” Diane reiterated with the same infuriating smile. Her gray eyes then wandered to a wall clock behind the men. “At least not yet.”

Randy and Beau both followed her gaze and stared at that same clock. Their eyes widened.

“Then when?” Randy prompted.

“Don’t worry. You’ll see her soon.” Diane smirked. “If she makes it out alive, she can tell you in person she’s choosing the rugged sheriff here over you, Detective Nichols.”

Randy’s jaw tightened, his fists clenching and unclenching under the metal table.

“I gave her a fighting chance.”

“Oh, you mean like the others?” Beau had known from the start that it would be useless talking to her.

“They all could’ve gotten out,” said Diane as if she blamed the victims for not being smarter and more durable. “‘Sides, why would I give up my favorite part? I’ve waited a while for this one. Killing her? While you two idiots watch helplessly and throw feces at each other like monkeys in a zoo? Gotta say, it’s better than killing twenty-four people combined. Ever since I met Deputy Popcorn, I’ve been actually craving a snack.” Upon Beau’s facial twitch, Diane leaned closer and whispered with a smirk, “Yeah, I know about the cute little nicknames for your deputies too, Sheriff. I wonder how many bugs you’ve found yet in your office. Sure it can’t be all of them. Maybe I’ve bugged the whole station. Who’s to say? Have you checked your trailer yet? The lovely agent’s motel room? No?”

Beau couldn’t pinpoint the exact feeling that clutched his heart and twisted it like a boa constrictor. Pain, fear, anger, sadness – a deadly cocktail for anyone. Was this throbbing sting in his chest what a heart attack felt like? Only recently, he’d read an article in the paper about a guy his age who just dropped dead. Was this it for him?

Would it mean he'd get to see you again, though?

“Enough of that!”

Randy’s voice rang in his ears, but Beau couldn’t refocus. He needed fresh air to breathe, his lungs dried up and clinging to every molecule like he’d been deprived of oxygen for days. The small room felt suddenly suffocating as the monster across from him sneered joyfully.

“Look, I don’t know if you’re saying all that horseshit ‘cause you wanna hurt him or me,” Randy said, his voice laced with a darkness Beau had never seen before.

“Little bit of both,” Diane teased with a shrug.

“Yeah, well, I don’t care either way,” Randy huffed, the deep creases in his brow casting threatening shadows on his face. “Do your worst to me or him. Hell, burn us at the stake if it makes you feel any better, sweetheart, but all I wanna know is where that bunker is. Where is she? Your beef’s clearly with us. Men, right? You know she doesn’t deserve this. Just let her go.”

Diane seemed unamused by the suggestion, leaning back in the metal chair. “You’re right. She doesn’t deserve this. I actually like her. She reminds me of me. But you two did this to her. It’s out of my hands at this point. You don’t deserve her, sheriff,” she said and looked at Beau before her cold eyes shifted to Randy. “Neither do you, detective. I know a lot of things – and not just about the sheriff here. I know what you did to her, too.”

Randy forced a tight smile. “You’re bluffing. I didn’t do anything.”

“Am I?” Diane quirked a brow and then sent him an innocent smile. “About four years ago, she wrote a rather lengthy email to her sister Sophia in Seattle. She seemed very upset. Said there was a little something you wouldn’t give her. Ring any bells?”

With a thick swallow and a glare swimming in his hazel eyes, Randy nodded. “We’re done here.”

Diane let out a long, suspenseful sigh, not bothering to engage further. Her icy heart wouldn’t melt. Her eyes flickered around the bleak, depressing room. “I miss windows. Haven’t seen the outside for days.”

“Yeah, and you ain’t gonna,” Beau huffed. He had quietly listened, his heart rate slowing down as his head started spinning with questions. You had never told him anything. He had never asked. It had been an unspoken rule to not talk about your marriage. Beau always figured knowing too much would only make it worse.

“Too bad. I always liked the autumn sunsets. When it gets dark sooner…” Diane then stretched out her neck. “Anyways, nice chatting with you boys, but it’s time for my beauty nap now. Which one of you two cowboys is gonna accompany me back to my cell, hm?”

The men shared a look and then wordlessly rose, leaving the room. In the safety of the hallway, Beau ran a hand over his face and took his first deep breath.

Air. Lungs. Brain. Without toxicity, he could finally think straight again.

“Well, this was pointless and a waste of our time. Happy now?” Beau huffed with his newfound lung capacity.

But Randy’s brow was furrowed. He was thinking. “Actually, yeah… Didn’t you hear what she said?”

“Yeah, bunch of narcissistic bullshit. She’s not gonna tell us where Y/N is,” Beau muttered bitterly. If possible, he wished to never converse with that psychotic witch again. There was only so much he could handle before snapping her neck.

“She said that she doesn’t know where Y/N is now,” Randy pointed out. “Maybe she wasn’t lying. Maybe Y/N’s not in the bunker yet. Turner might keep her somewhere else and wait till he can move her.”

“At sundown,” Beau mused, Diane’s words haunting his mind. “He’ll move her when it’s dark.”

“Which means we still have a couple hours to find her,” Randy finished the thought.

“Popcorn!” Beau yelled down the hallway. The sheriff found himself in better spirits. He hadn’t used a silly name for his most loyal deputy in days, although it ached a tiny bit to say it now. “Any properties in Newton’s name?”

“Yes, sir, several,” Mo replied.

“I need a list of all in the area. Get a team together and search ‘em. One by one,” Beau ordered. “Warehouses, cabins… Take it all apart. I don’t care.”

“And also see if any properties are in Hal Turner’s name and add them to the list,” Randy suggested.

Poppernak shot Beau a look, and only when the latter gave his agreement, did the deputy nod. “Yes, Sheriff Arlen.”

The obnoxiously loud sound of birds woke you from a deep slumber. Groggily, you pried your eyes open and found the first few beams of sunlight warming your face. For a peaceful moment of dazed bliss, you had no clue where you were or how you got here.

There was a thumping, searing pain in your skull, hammering away at your sanity like the ticks of a clock. Your neck and shoulders hurt from tension till you realized you were bound to an old wooden chair, a harsh and creaking surface underneath you. Your behind felt both sore and numb.

Glancing around the room, you noticed you were in the living quarters of a small cabin. A fireplace sat to your right. Above it, a cuckoo clock that showed shortly past noon, and you realized that must’ve produced the bird noise that woke you. The stinging sunlight reached your eyes and filled you with hope.

Hal Turner hadn’t locked you into a bunker yet.

“You’re awake. Good.” Turner entered the room with a bottle of water and a sandwich, throwing the items unceremoniously onto your lap. “You need to eat. We’ll leave soon.”

“Where are we going?”

“Where they all went,” he said and came up behind you. Turner wasn’t a man of tall stature. Small, middle-aged, nervous. Non-threatening.

Diane’s little ant.

He cut your ties, and you could tell his hands were shaking. They didn’t treat the others like that. Entertaining a victim had never been his job before.

Sedated, dumped, marooned.

That had been the pattern, and you hoped this little off-course adventure would pay off with your freedom. Your gaze drifted down to a lonely brown belt buckle.

Unarmed.

With free hands and Turner still vulnerably behind you, your arms shot up and wrapped around his neck. Fortunately, he wasn’t as heavy as Beau in training when you jolted him forward, jumped up, and rammed his face straight into your knee.

Unconscious for the moment, Turner tumbled to the ground, and you sprinted through the front door. You hoped it would give you enough time to find an exit.

But all you found was a vast sea of trees – towering pines that reached heavenward with no neighboring houses or roads in sight.

There was a shed to your left. Tools. You needed weapons.

And, most of all, you needed more goddamn time to think your way out of this one.

It wasn’t long till you heard the front door of the cabin slam open, heavy and angry footsteps aimlessly searching before they slowly circled closer to the shed.

Fortunately, your little hide-out had proved itself useful – and fully stocked. Turner had arranged his tools in a neatly organized manner. Nothing seemed to be out of place, screwdrivers hanging on the wall from small to big, pliers, drills, hacksaws… Your weapons of choice, however, fell on a hammer and the heaviest, biggest wrench.

Lurking behind the small barn door, you lay in wait till the old door creaked open and Hal Turner walked through. He only blinked at you wide-eyed before your first hit with the wrench landed across his right cheek. It was hard enough for blood to spew out of his mouth, and as he tumbled forward, you delivered your second blow – the hammer, this time, slamming against the back of his head.

Dropping the tools, you decided to take your chances and make a run through the woods for it. You still had a few fleeting hours till dark. If you just kept going, maybe you’d make it to a road or a town somewhere before you froze to death.

What a great outlook…

However, you didn’t even get farther than a few yards from the house before a sharp pain seared from your ankle throughout your entire body. Falling harshly and bracing yourself on the cold, wet leaves, you screamed out and looked down at the culprit – a bear trap.

Well, points for Hufflepuff!

Apparently, you had underestimated Turner. Ahead of you, you also spied some tripwire. Great. This place was a giant death trap – and you had already hated the woods before all of this.

Getting back onto your feet was not only hindered by the giant claws in your flesh but also the iron chain attached to the trap that tethered you to the ground. So, with your freezing hands, you dug out the metal stake that served as your anchor.

Then, the fucking bear trap – you knew this one would hurt like a son of a bitch. Carefully, you inspected the oozing wound, the razor sharp edges deeply clutching your skin at your lower calf and ankle. For a moment, you even swore you could feel the tips of their pointed teeth drilling into your bone. You tried to pry them apart with your hands but gave up on that idea rather quickly once the jaws cut your fingers.

Glancing at the shed, you saw the door was still ajar. It was quiet in there. Either Hal Turner was gone, solely unconscious, or currently bleeding to death. The shed was your Schrödinger’s cat. As long as you didn’t know which one it was, you still had time.

Taking several deep breaths, you closed your eyes and remembered the trip you took with Beau when you were back in Houston. The two of you drove camping in Piney Woods. For a few days, you were gone and unknown to everyone around you. You could just be you and him. No one had to hide anything. No one had to feel guilty. In those short days, you realized you wanted to spend the rest of your life with him.

“Did you know bear traps are actually pretty easy to get out of?” Beau babbles a random fact in his usual manner when neither of you has said anything in a minute. He glances at you, a happy smile on his face as he intertwines his fingers with yours during a stroll through the green and lush forest.

“Huh.”

“Yeah, all you gotta do is not panic, get up on your feet, and press your weight down on the springs at the bottom. Just pops open and you can pull your leg out,” he explains with a popping sound, turning the little lesson into a show-and-tell.

“Don’t panic…” you mumbled to yourself and sat up. “Get up…” With a strained groan and your palms supportively on the ground, you heaved yourself to your feet. You winced as you put pressure on your injured leg and, therefore, tried to shift your weight to your good one. The main problem was the next step: “Press down.”

Mentally, you braced yourself before you slowly started to put pressure on the leg again. The jaws moved and wiggled in your flesh, but the pain was too much too bear. You bit down on your tongue as tears strangled your eyes.

Alright, next try.

If slow was too painful, then maybe the bandaid method was the way to go. Quick and painless, as they say. You inhaled and exhaled through your nose as you raised your foot a few inches above ground, making sure the springs would hit the uneven surface properly. Then, you kicked down.

The trap sprung open, you pulled your foot out, and released a primal scream that echoed through the quiet woods, surely disturbing whatever lived there.

And then, suddenly, Hal Turner stood in front of you with a shovel.

Diane’s listed properties came up empty. There was still no sign of you. Turner, on the other hand, had only booked a motel room in his name but hadn’t been seen there in weeks. So, Beau figured he had to be staying somewhere if he wasn’t sleeping in his room.

At four o’clock, the sheriff was close to a breakdown when all leads petered out and the daylight was almost gone. But then Cassie and Denise stormed the station, both out of breath, and brought forth a document that showed a property north of Helena in the name of a Diane Turner. It was a remote cabin in the middle of the woods, which also happened to be close to the location where the ambulance had picked up Randy.

Ding, ding, ding!

Beau gathered the whole cavalry and raced there as fast as he could. By the time he was ten minutes out, the sky had grown dark, the woods pitch-black around him. Switching on the Jeep’s headlights only added to the uneasiness in his stomach. His passenger was quiet next to him, but Beau could tell how worried Randy was by the way his left leg anxiously drummed against the floor mat.

Both of them thought it was too late to save you.

An access road, all dirt, led up behind the cabin, only making it a short hike. Turner’s vehicle had been parked at the fork where it reached pavement. They seemed to be on the right track. After all, if Turner was here, then hopefully so were you.

Beau and Randy were the first to arrive, the cabin inside dark without a single light on, not even a candle burning in the smudged windows. Carefully, the men stepped on the porch, the property around them quiet and undisturbed, but the front door was an inch ajar. Pulling out their weapons, the two shared a look without speaking a word before entering the house, a feeling of familiarity rising in Beau’s chest.

They were still partners, somewhere deep down.

The floorboards creaked under Beau’s boots as he treaded down the hallway. The cabin was small, only consisting of one bedroom, a living area, a kitchen and bath. While the men checked each room, Beau already knew you weren’t here anymore – if you’d ever been here to begin with. Maybe Diane had sent them on a wild goose-chase, another sick game created by the mind of psychopath, while you had been locked in a bunker all along, waiting for him to find you.

How much air did you still have left? Would he get to you in time?

“Beau!”

His partner’s voice drew him from the bedroom to the living space, his mind still rattling with the unspoken fear of losing you. His green eyes then focused on the beam of Randy’s flashlight as it shone on a wooden chair in the middle of the room, a set of cut plastic ties on the floor next to it. There was also an uneaten sandwich and an unopened bottle of water scattered on the ground.

And then, there were the trails, the little drops, and the sheer pools of blood everywhere that made his gut churn. Was it all yours?

“We need to get forensics here,” Beau said with a thick swallow, already pulling out his phone to call Jenny.

“That’s a lot of blood,” Randy said with a lump in his throat, his eyes transfixed on the little red pond by the tips of his feet. And although it was dark, Beau could see the color drain from his partner’s face.

“I know.” Beau bobbed his head quietly, gently clasping his friend’s shoulder as he held his phone to his ear.

The sheriff then informed Jenny of their findings, telling her to hurry any lab results along. The sooner they knew whose blood it was, the better. As he hung up, he noticed Randy following a trail of blood to the door, leading further outside. He shone his flashlight through the dense foliage before it landed on a little working shed to the right.

As Randy creaked the door of the shed open, with Beau behind him, both thought there was a high probability they’d stumble upon a body in there – if not two.

Instead, the shed was disappointingly empty.

Beau whistled lowly as the light hit the neatly arranged wall of tools. “Well, that’s some freak level organization.”

But Randy’s brow furrowed as his light landed on the ground behind the door. “There’s a hammer and wrench on the ground.” He knelt down to inspect it closer. “Got blood on it. Lot of it.”

Beau chuckled lightly and ran a palm over his face to keep the stinging tears of hope inside, which only confused Randy.

“What’s so funny? Y/N might be dead,” Randy said sourly.

“That’s not Turner’s doing,” Beau argued and gestured at the tools on the ground, his heart flooding with a tiny bit of relief. “Look at the wall. Why would he kill her with tools? It’s way too bloody. Guy like this can’t handle the mess. He had a perfectly fine gun. Would’ve been way cleaner if he wanted to.”

“So, you think this was Y/N?” Randy thought for a moment before nodding. “The ties inside were cut. The food and water on the floor… Maybe he cut her loose and she took advantage of it? I mean, it does sound like her.”

“Yeah…” Beau’s eyes then musingly drifted back to the wall. “Is there a screwdriver on the ground somewhere? There’s one missing here.”

“Nope, nothing on the ground,” Randy replied once his flashlight search was complete. “You think she took it with her?”

“Let’s hope so…”

“But if Y/N managed to overpower Turner, why isn’t she here? And where’s Turner? And if it happened out here, why is there so much blood inside?”

Beau licked his chapped lips, his brow returning to their initially creased position. “Maybe she didn’t take him out for good.”

“You thinkin’ she knocked him out and escaped?”

“Yeah, and then Turner woke up, went back into the house before taking off after her through those woods,” Beau shared his theory. It would explain the vast amounts of blood inside.

“So, your theory is she’s lost and being hunted?” Randy cocked a brow.

Beau only offered him a shrug. “Best possible scenario.”

“Great.” Randy scoffed. “What’s the worst possible scenario then?”

Beau’s Adam’s apple bobbed. “I think we both know.” Licking his lips, he patted Randy’s shoulder. “But let’s not think about the worst right now. I’ll get a team going to search these woods. We’ll find her. You’re not losing her again, alright?”

Randy could only nod and hope, but a little tug on his heart told him something different as he glanced at his former friend.

“It’s been three hours,” Randy huffed frustratedly as they passed the same street sign to Helena down the mountain once more, driving up and down the roads around the cabin in an endless loop, hoping and praying a miracle would happen. “Don’t you think we would’ve found her by now? If she’s hurt and inside those woods, we should be in there looking for her.”

Beau passed another sigh between his lips. There had been three hours of that, too. Patience was a not only an eight-letter word but a bitch as well.

“Neither of us is any help there. We don’t know those woods. You don’t even a phone, Randy,” Beau said with a bit more firmness in his voice, causing his partner’s frown to deepen. Saved by the bell, Beau’s phone chimed in his pocket with Jenny’s angelic name popping up on the screen. He pulled over on the side of the road before picking up.

“What you got? Uh-huh… You sure? What did they say about the cabin? Okay… Both of ‘em? How far? Which direction? Alright… We’re close. Driving back up there now.”

Randy held his breath till Beau hung up, trying to guess the content of the phone call by the various facial expressions of the sheriff. Then, he asked, “Good news or bad news?”

“Hard to say,” Beau replied, his eyes fixed on his hands gripping the steering wheel. He swallowed the lump in his throat, gave himself an encouraging nod, and started the engine, trying to sink every bad theory that surfaced in his mind. “Forensics came back. Our theory was partially correct. The blood inside the cabin was mostly Turner’s.”

Randy raised a brow, his heartbeat thrumming in his ears. “Mostly?”

“Evidence points to her not escaping. Turner might have gotten to her before she could even leave the property. They found a bear trap with her blood on it,” Beau explained slowly, his grip on the wheel tightening. “Dogs picked up a trail, leading into the woods. Forensics confirmed both of their blood on that trail.”

“Doesn’t mean anything. He could’ve followed her. She still could’ve escaped,” Randy replied and knew full well it was only sugarcoating the truth swimming in the lower pits of his belly.

“Could’ve…” Beau nodded and swallowed heavily. “But then again, if she did manage to escape, how did her blood end up inside the cabin?”

Defeated, Randy licked his lips, expelling a humorless chuckle. “Yeah, guess my hopes are little too high. I mean, how the hell would you get out of a bear trap?”

Beau knew the question was mostly rhetorical, but true to himself, he still answered, “It’s actually pretty easy. Just press down on the springs, and the thing opens right up.” A smile formed on his lips as a memory popped back into his mind. “I told Y/N that once when we took a camping trip back in Houston. She probably didn’t remember it. I mean, honestly, I doubt she was even listening. I was kinda ramblin’, you know?”

“Uh-huh. I remember. I’ve spent a lot of time with you…” Randy smacked his lips, fingers tapping his thigh. “You guys went on a trip together?”

Beau’s mouth opened on reflex, but he stopped himself from replying, shooting a scrutinizing look at his partner. “Yeah, uh, just the one, really. Shoulda been more…”

Regrets seeped to the surface. If Beau had known he had only a finite amount of time with you, he would’ve enjoyed and appreciated every last second of it. He should’ve spent less time in his head. He should’ve taken you out on more dates. He should’ve been the best he could be. Instead, he wasted so much time and couldn’t even remember why in retrospect.

“What makes you say that?” Randy’s question rang both with curiosity and pain. His brown eyes stared stubbornly ahead and focused on the dark road.

Beau blew a long sigh. “Well, I wasn’t always the best–,” he hesitated a moment before saying the word, “–boyfriend, I guess.”

If Randy was upset by the term, he didn’t let it show. Maybe he was sticking to Rule #2. He quirked a brow and glanced at Beau in the driver’s seat. “So, on top of stealing my wife, you’re telling me you didn’t even treat her right?”

“Guess so,” Beau admitted quietly, poking the inside of his cheeks with his tongue and ignoring the subtle jab. “And I didn’t treat her badly, by the way. Just could’ve tried harder. Felt guilty because she was your-, well, you know… And the divorce got kinda messy, too. I just wanted to stay clear of complications.”

Exasperated, Randy scoffed, shaking his head. “This is not really making me want to give you my blessing…”

Beau huffed a chuckle. “Didn’t know that was an option.”

“Well, it’s not. You don’t deserve her.” Randy clicked his tongue, pensively bobbing his head. He then finally admitted, the words sounding almost sour, “Neither do I. You might be as big of an idiot as me.”

Beau’s eyes widened in surprise, his focus briefly swaying from the road. “What d’you mean? You guys were perfect together. Is this about what Newton said?”

Randy’s lips curved into a bitter smile. “Y/N never told you?”

“Told me what?”

Randy chewed on his lower lip before pushing out the words that had plagued him for three years. “She wanted to leave me.”

Beau shook his head. “Nah, I don’t buy it. She loved you. You should’ve seen her after she thought you’d died.”

Randy inhaled sharply, his head spinning with regret and heart filling with hope. For the past years, he had wondered if he’d ever get another chance to fix things with you.

“Yeah, well, it’s true,” he said, his gaze cast downward as if he were confessing his sins to a priest. “She wanted kids, and I told her I didn’t. Neither of us was backing down. The night the cartel kidnapped me, we were supposed to have dinner and talk about it when I got home. Part of me already knew where it was headed.”

Beau listened and nodded. He remembered the set dinner table, the lovingly prepared food, the candles – it didn’t seem like something one would do if they planned on leaving.

“No, I don’t think she would’ve left you,” Beau noted, although his heart stung when he said it out loud.

“I overheard her asking Carla for a divorce lawyer. Pretty sure she was,” Randy retorted. “Seems silly now. She was already out of my league. I should’ve just given her what she wanted. I don’t even know why I didn’t. I should’ve just shut up and been grateful.”

“That’s what I would’ve told you to do,” Beau muttered, his brain trying to keep track and process everything. Why had you never told him any of this? And more importantly: “Why have you never told me?”

“Guess I was embarrassed.” Randy shrugged. “And I already knew what you would’ve said.”

Secretly amused, Beau cocked a brow. “What? That you’re an idiot?”

“Exactly.”

“And Carla knew?”

“I guess.” Randy gave another shrug of his shoulders. “I mean, they talked all the time. Well, mostly it was Carla complaining about you, but still…”

Beau’s brow furrowed into deep lines. He should’ve been more surprised than he was. The only thing that really baffled him was the fact you had still agreed to date him after hearing all of that. What else didn’t he know?

“I thought they met once a week for book club?”

Randy shot him a pitying look. “Dude, there was no book club. Only three bottles of wine.” He then exhaled a long sigh, stretching back into his seat. “Maybe it’s good she didn’t pick anyone. She deserves someone who can give her what she wants.”

“What makes you think I can’t?” A little offended, Beau raised his brow. “You know, when she came back a few weeks ago, I swore I’d make things right. I wouldn’t let her go this time.”

But Beau broke that promise. He pushed you away to stay clear of complications. His heart twinged.

“And you think she wanted to live in a trailer in the woods of Montana?”

“Doesn’t matter. I would’ve given her anything she wanted. No questions asked,” Beau stated simply. “I was happy when I was with her. Didn’t matter where we were or what we were doing.”

“So, what? You planned on marrying her? Kids?”

Beau twitched his shoulders, his eyes not drifting from the street. If he glanced at Randy only for a beat, he couldn’t ignore his friend’s reactions any longer and still remain honest. “We never talked about it, but... If that’s what she wants, then yeah. Don’t even have to think about it. You really were an idiot, you know?”

“I know that. Thank you,” Randy huffed sarcastically and rolled his eyes. “Still not getting my blessing, though.”

“Good thing you’re not her father,” Beau snapped. He could only muster so much patience. “You don’t really have a say in who she’s datin’.”

“You’re one to talk.” Randy scoffed mockingly. “I met your friend Denise at the station. We had a long chat. She almost talks as much as you. Sounded like you tried to have a say in who Carla should marry. Little hypocritical, don’t you think?”

“That’s different,” Beau retorted defensively. “We have a kid together. Whoever Carla’s seeing is also gonna be in Emily’s life.”

“So, you don’t even care a little about Carla’s well-being? ‘Cause Denise said you killed her new husband,” Randy countered cleverly.

“Of course I care,” Beau admitted frustratedly. What did Randy want to hear? That he was right about everything? Well, except one thing: “And I didn’t kill Avery, by the way. Might have been slightly responsible for his death, sure, but I didn’t kill the idiot.”

“Seems to be a pattern for you. Maybe Diane was right,” Randy muttered wryly.

Beau licked his lips and sighed. “Listen, I know that devil woman is good at getting into someone’s head, but you gotta believe me, man. I did not leave you to die. If I had known–”

“Whoa, I know,” Randy interrupted him with an amused chuckle and two placating hands. “I was just joking. I knew you didn’t hand me over to the cartel on purpose in some evil ploy to get with my wife. That would be insane.”

Beau gave a nod, accepting his answer with relief. “Well, good.”

“Look, I’m not delusional, contrary to what everyone’s thinking. I know things happened while I was away,” Randy admitted. “I figured she had moved on. For three years, I actually hoped she did. I wanted her to be happy. Just didn’t think it be you, I guess. Probably shouldn’t have been surprised, though. I kinda knew you always liked her. Just didn’t think any more of it, you know?”

“And there wasn’t more, alright? I promise,” Beau assured him, his cheeks reddening from embarrassment. He never thought Randy would’ve suspected anything – not that there really ever was anything. But had his tiny crush really been that obvious? “One of those things, you know? Just ‘cause I find Michelle Rodriguez attractive doesn’t mean I seriously expect to date her. I didn’t know it was more than that till I spent some time with her.”

“Good to know,” was all Randy said, crossing his arms with an uncomfortable clear of his throat. “Definitely surprised Y/N likes you, though. She always had a pretty low opinion of you. Said you were doing shitty police work and I should be more careful. Guess she was right..." Beau shot him a darkened look but refrained from taking the bait. Randy pursed his lips. "Look, I know I’m a pain in your ass right now. You’d probably love to get rid of me.”

“Well, hey, that’s not–”

“What, true?” Knowingly, Randy lifted a brow. “I would if I were you.”

Beau only nodded, not admitting out loud the thought had certainly crossed his mind. “So, what are you thinking now?”

“Still want her to be happy,” Randy said quietly.

All of a sudden, Beau then slammed on the brakes, both men jolting forward into their seatbelts. A loud thud echoed through the car as something heavy hit the Jeep’s hood. For a moment, the sheriff thought he’d run into a deer before blinking his eyes at the bloodied and muddied image of Hal Turner.

“What the hell?!”

Turner was in rough shape, pantingly and deliriously stumbling around the car and onto the road, shielding his eyes from the blinding headlights with his palm. Blood dripped from various places from his head and body before Beau’s eyes narrowed on the metal tool stuck inside his neck.

“Guess we found our missing screwdriver,” Randy noted as the two men jumped out of the car, guns drawn.

“Where is she, Turner?” Beau prompted sternly, his finger itching to pull the trigger for everything he’d done to you. But knowing where you were was more important than a vendetta. Turner could only speak while he was alive.

And the man seemed to know it, too. Before the sheriff could call for back-up and an ambulance, Turner sneered and raised a hand, gripping the screwdriver tightly.

“No, don’t!”

Beau’s plea came too late. Hal Turner pulled the makeshift weapon out of his throat and collapsed to the ground, bleeding out within seconds.

Randy’s fingers landed on the man’s pulse point. He glanced up at his partner with a shake of his head. “He’s gone.”

Throwing his gun angrily into the rustling brushes, Beau gripped his temples and screamed into the void of the dark woods. Desperation clawed on his mind and heart. The fear of losing you for good took him prisoner. With labored breaths, he squeezed the bridge of his nose with his thumb and forefinger and rubbed his tired eyes. Turner had been his last lead. He knew more wouldn’t be coming.

What now?

A sanctimonious beep of his phone drew his attention. A small part of him prayed it was Jenny, informing him you’d emerged a few miles up the road – bloody like Turner, but otherwise fine. Alive.

But his green eyes only found an email and darkened at the sender’s name. “Diane just sent me a link.”

Randy, caught in his own spiral, suddenly glanced up. “To what?”

“Livestream.”

Chapter 13: Sure And Certain

Another cliffhanger, and it looks like Diane's still having the last laugh 🙈

What did you think of this part? Were you surprised by Randy's revelation? He might've changed his mind on a few things 😉

See ya next week for the freaking finale 🤍

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[robinofinashiro]

drabble: daiya boys getting jealous to you wearing another guys jersey ! 

characters: multiple characters x fem! reader

request status: OPENED / all fandoms pinned to the top of my blog as well as rules and req status! happy sending! 

Miyuki Kazuya: 

- mans so confused? why are you wearing Eijun’s jersey. he had specifically gotten you a jersey that had his number for you to wear and the fact that you were wearing his pitchers jersey was completely throwing him off. especially because it was a game day and you were helping the girls with their cheering today and he wanted you to be in his jersey while you did it. 

- you were talking with Eijun and Nori, trying to get their pre-game jitters to settle the tf down. it didn’t even seem like you bothered by the fact that you wearing Eijun’s jersey and although Miyuki did not want to cause a scene, a part of him wanted a explanation. 

- as he was about to walk to you for an explanation, you got dragged away by the girls as he was called onto the field. he saw you a bit later on the stands, you were talking with the girls, every so often, the in field camera would pan to you and show off you wearing Eijun’s jersey. his eye continuously twitched at it and it wasn’t until the end of the game when he finally got the chance to approach you about it. 

- “why are you in his jersey?” he asked, lifting the jersey as if it was dirty. you laughed, sensing that he wanted you to take it off so you did, “i got Red Bull over the spare one you gave me and Eijun offered to take me to the locker room to get another one of yours but i guess i grabbed his spare by accident,” you laughed. Miyuki sighed understandingly but took his sweaty jersey off and putting it on you, “yours stinks you know,” you told him, giggling at his possessiveness, “i know but i’d rather you smell like dirty me than to have that idiot smelling line you.” you laughed, kissing his cheek as you heard a few of the girls call you over to catch dinner, “i’ll see you after dinner!” you screamed as he watched you, finally satisfied that you were wearing his jersey now. 

kuramochi youichi: 

- you thought you got off easy with miyuki? MANS WAS PISSED. you were adorning Shinji’s jersey when he had specifically given his to you. kuramochi walked up to you, seeing you talking to a few of your friends in front of your home room. he didn’t even ask, he practically dragged you over to a corner. 

- “what up with the jersey?” he asked, pointing to Shinji’s number. you rolled your eyes, “um, this is the one you gave me? what the hell are you on?” you asked, trying to see the number. he shook his head, “the fuck it’s not. you’re wearing Shinji’s jersey!” he exclaimed, “take it off,” he stated, as he yanked your back pack off you and watched you annoyingly take it off.

- kuramochi looked at the time. you had about ten minutes before class started and that gave him enough time, “come with me,” he said, dragging you out of the hallway and basically darting to the boys baseball locker room. you were screaming at him, asking him where the hell he was dragging you off too. it wasn’t until you saw the boys locker room approaching when you finally realized. 

- he told you to wait a second and not even a minute after, he walked out of the locker room, holding his jersey in his hand and throwing Shinji’s into the hallway, not caring where it landed. Mochi put it on for you, making sure his number was showing. you looked at him and saw a blush on his cheek, realizing that he was flustered by how you looked with his jersey on. 

- you leaned up, giving him a kiss on the lips before smiling, “i like this one better,” you giggled. he gave you a hearty laugh, before returning the kiss, “you better because it’s mine,” he said in-between kisses. the kiss seemed to go on longer than you had realized as the two of you heard the two minute bell ring off, “race you to home room,” you told him as the two of you basically darted off to class. 

Narumiya Mei: 

- GODDD, you got the whiniest of the bunch, omfg. he sees you wearing Carlos’s jersey and he immediately starts getting dramatic. he complains to Itsuki about why aren’t you wearing his and when he finally approaches you, you could see the whiny look on his face, “why are you wearing Carlos’s jersey!” he said. 

- “i decided to wear everyone’s jersey as a way to support the team as the manager,” you said, not bothering to play into his attitude. he could tell you were annoyed by his attitude and figured since you were being this way, two could play this game. he knew you found his fan girls annoying as FUCK so he went to the common area and immediately got flocked with attention. 

- you had walked into that same area to get a water for yourself and saw the commotion around Narumiya. you saw the way girls were basically hanging off of him and realized this was his way of revenge for wearing Carlos’s jersey. you felt slightly annoyed, kinda jealous but knew the best way to get him back for it. and that way was to openly flirt with Carlos when he finally made his way to the dugout. 

- once you got Carlos into the plan, he waited until Narumiya arrived to take his shirt off in front of you. you had seen this plenty of times before but acted ‘flustered’ to get a reaction from Narumiya...which is exactly what you got. you flustered expression around Carlos made Narumiya pissed as he saw Carlos basically laying it on thick. he was being extremely flirty around you and even wrapping his arm around you for a few seconds at a time until Narumiya finally had enough. 

- he, without hesitation, took off his own playing jersey and yanked Carlos’s off, “wear it....now,” he stated, darkened jealous eyes showing. you had never expected his reaction from him before but giving yourself the benefit of the doubt, you slipped his on but still saw the expression written on his face, “we’ll deal with this later,” he murmured as crashed his lips onto yours, giving everyone in the dugout a free show. you were stunned with silence as Narumiya let you go and wiped away the lipstick you wearing in front of Carlos. 

Sanada Shunpei: 

- you were wearing Todoroki’s jersey and frankly, he was upset but not as much as he should’ve been bc i mean, it was Todoroki, you couldn’t get mad at that cinnamon roll for a long time. it was hard when Raichi was basically a walking two legged version of the sun but that was besides the point, he hated seeing you wearing another number that wasn’t his. 

- you were talking to Todoroki, giving him a few tips on how to keep his bat in decent care when Sanada finally approached the two of you. he had a tight lipped smile as he sat next to you and putting his hand on your thigh and giving it a tight squeeze, causing you to squeal slightly in the process. Todoroki hadn’t noticed as he continued to blabber on about his precious bat. 

- finally, his dad had called him over for something, causing Todoroki to run over there as Sanada looked down to you, “what up with Todoroki’s jersey?” he asked, making sure he emphasized his name. you shrugged, still smiling at him, “felt like supporting him,” you explained, “he’s like a little brother to me and i wanted to make sure he knew he had someone’s support on the stands.” Sanada’s heart fluttered, any sign of jealousy leaving his body as he heard what you were saying. 

- he loved the fact that you were so sisterly to Raichi. there would be days where you would bring all three of you lunch on the field as you knew that if Raichi didn’t eat school lunch, he’d practically be running on a banana diet for the entirety of the day and you were not about to have that happening. 

- you leaned up, giving him a quick peck on the lips, “don’t worry, the only other person’s jersey i would wear is yours,” you whispered into his ear, “and if you win today’s game, you can see me in just that and nothing else.” Sanada instantly perked up up, agreeing to what you were saying as he got dragged up from the bench by a few of his teammates. 

hongou masamune: 

- he’s seething and that doesn’t even begin to explain it. one of the first things he did as your bf was give you his jersey to make a statement that you were his and to back THE FUCK off and now here you were, wearing Renji’s jersey for some god awful reason. he knew Renji was his best friend but seeing you wearing Renji’s jersey just ticked him off more than usual. 

- Hongou approached you, dragging you away from the team as you tugged yourself back, trying to get him to explain why tf you were getting dragged away from everyone. when he finally got you to himself, he didn’t even hesitate to yank off Renji’s jersey, “why?” was all he asked as you sighed in disbelief, “why am I wearing Renji’s jersey?” you asked as he nodded, “because i lost a bet with the fucking idiot and my punishment was to wear his jersey to a game.” 

- Hongou didn’t really like the idea of this bet so he practically gripped his best friend’s jersey and took his off in the process, “you’re wearing mine and that’s final,” he stated, walking back to the loccker room to get his spare jersey from his stall. he shrugged his on as the two of you walked back to the team and he practically whipped Renji’s jersey back to him, “take yours back idiot,” he screamed to Renji making you laugh. 

- you shrugged, not really knowing what to say to Renji as he was caught off guard, “told you he’d react that way!” you exclaimed, laughing now, “you act like you don’t know your own best friend,” Renji silently agreed knowing you were right. you saw Hongou on the field, practicing extra harsh as you silently apologized to the other team for the ass kicking they were about to receive bc of Hongou. 

- you waved to Hongou throughout the game, whispering ‘i love you’s’ you him to try and get him to calm down but you knew that was no use. being Hongou’s gf meant that you were going to have to get used to dealing with his constant angry attitude and you knew that nine times out of ten, you were going to repay for your little bet with Renji bc of it. Hongou’s punishments on the other hand weren’t as bad as you liked to make it seem tho. you usually got some pretty good aftercare from him when it was all said and done. 

[mrsmaybank]

My Little Sun - Spencer Reid x Reader

 It could not be heaven because her actions, her sounds and her intentions were the opposite of sanctity and purity: they were sinful. So bad and so good that you could get the two confused.

CW: MENTIONS OF KIDNAPPING, IMPLIED SMUT, AGE GAP, LANGUAGE, DADDY KINK. (LMK IF I MISSED ANY PLEASE)

PART ONE

PART TWO

A/N: Shiiit!!! Sorry this mediocrity took so long!!! Anyway, let me know if you want me to clear anything up and please let me know if you like it. Kisses <3

I had the right to be upset, but I knew I shouldn’t be. Hotch was right, I could not work the case nor was I in the state to. It was for my own good and maybe the sanity of the rest of the team. I was a mess. He “ordered” me to go get some sleep in the breakroom, knowing I would never agree to go home. But like always, I couldn’t sleep. That wasn’t unusual and my brain began me to torture me with a movie of my most recent memories. 

9 Days Ago 

Friday - 8:49 PM

“I waannt Thaiiii foooood!” Only she could make my heart melt while simultaneously whining and disagreeing with me. She tightened her grip on my hand, “Pretty, pretty please?”

“We had Thai last week.” I looked down at her as we continued walking down the streets. “And plus, you love the Greek place.” She pouted and continued to ramble about why Thai was so much better. Even complaining, her company was so comforting and calming that I was genuinely relaxed, despite the roars of taxi cabs and the indistinct chatter of drunk city goers. 

“Oh my god! Don’t look! Do not look left!” She skipped to my right, “Look-look at me!” I watched her skip around me and cling to my right arm before her little hands grabbed my face and pressed her mouth to mine. 

“Sweetheart,” I tried to get out of her grip but she cut me off by pressing her body to mine and continuing the frenzied kiss. As soon as she needed a breath, I spun in the other direction. “You’re a monster.” I grabbed her hand and we ran to it immediately. A life-size and functioning chess board under an array of colorful lanterns and vines. It was probably a contemporary art piece and I silently thanked whoever created it. I wrapped my arms around her as I excitedly admired it. “Why didn’t you want me to see this?” I whispered into the small of her neck. “Is it because I always beat you at chess?” 

She backed up from me offended, “You don’t always beat me!” 

I grabbed her once more, not liking the space between us. “If you took all of our games, looked at my wins and your losses, I’ve won 98% of the time.” 

“Yeah well…” she tiptoed and grazed her lips against mine, “I win 100% of the time.” I was confused, “At this.” She pressed her entire body to mine and finally kissed me.

“You,”

Kiss.  

“Don’t know,” 

Kiss. 

“What you’re,”

Kiss.

“Starting little,”

Kiss.

“Girl.” 

She grabbed my hand and twirled herself around just to fall back onto me. I caught her, just like she knew I would. I trusted her and she trusted me, and that was the best feeling in the world. “I love you.” I said, still supporting all her weight. 

She stood upright and gave me a light kiss. “I love you so much Spencer.” 

I couldn’t see anything in the world but her. “I would do anything for you.” 

She perked up with a sneaky glint in her eye, “Would you eat Thai two weeks in a row?” She grinned. 

I sighed. She won. “Yeah,” I pushed the hair out of her face, “I would. Let’s go get some.” 

“If..” she rolled her eyes, “We play on the walk back.” I motioned to the board. “I’ll go easy on you.” 

“You’re on Dr. Reid.” she snarked back. 

8 Days Ago

Saturday - 2:31 PM

Saturday was one of those stereotypical rainy days where the world seemed slowed. The pitter patter of the raindrops and the light music of her favorite record created a symphony of other-worldly peace for me. I left our room, and there she was, my perfect girl sitting criss crossed at my desk. I perched over her, laying a sweet kiss on her cheek. 

“So..I was thinking macaroons…” she scrolled through different catering sites, “But cupcakes are a must too.” I watched her plan in adoration. Never in my life had I been so sure of anything. But I wanted to marry this girl and spend every last day of my life like this one and there was no question about it. It was that simple. 

“Spence?” she broke me out of my lovelorn daydreams of growing old together.

“Yeah?” I answered. 

“Chocolate or red velvet? There is one right answer.” her eyes narrowed. 

“Oh,” I knew exactly what she wanted me to say, “Red velvet. All the way.” 

“You really are a genius.” She teased and began to scribble ‘Red Velvet’ on the small notebook next to her. I looked at the list of random little things she’d written down in preparation for the day. It assured me she was just as infatuated with the idea of a future together as I was. I sighed, “Even your handwriting is cute.” 

“Duh..” she retorted and I rolled my eyes, “Can I read you the food list?” I gently lifted her off the desk seat, “You can read it to me on the couch maybe?” 

She nodded and grabbed her notebook. I sat first, and she took the opportunity to crawl in my lap. It’s like our bodies were made for each other because she just fit so perfectly there. 

“For the dessert table, hazelnut, pistachio and vanilla macaroons. From the French bakery in downtown. Obviously.  Red velvet cupcakes from that bakery JJ told me about. Remember the ones she ordered for her baby shower?” I nodded. “Those.”

“White chocolate macadamia nut cookies, and if I get my way..”

“You always do.” I teased. “Yeah, and don’t forget it.” she smiled, “Tiny little cheesecake squares.” 

“I’m glad we’re on the same page.” I said. “Of course! A lot of tiny desserts are waaay better than one big cake.” 

“And more sanitary.” It was her turn to sigh.

“Yes yes, and more sanitary.” She laid her head in my chest and closed her eyes.

 “I told Penelope we’d meet her at the restaurant at 3.” 

“But it’s raining!” I complained. Truthfully, I just didn’t want this moment to end. She gave me a look and I stopped my protests. “Y’know if we order an Uber instead of taking the metro, we might have time to take a nice…” her words purposely trailed, “Long...hot shower.” She didn’t really have to say much else, batting her eyelashes to give this heart wrenching illusion of innocence. I wasn't buying it. Then, being way too coy for her age, she ran her hands up my chest and flashed me a coquettish grin. It was textbook but, goddd. Her smile alone turned me on to an extent it shouldn’t. 

I let her off my lap and stood up instantly, grabbing her hand and leading her to our bathroom. “Now.”

7 Days Ago 

Sunday - 9:22 AM 

The view convinced me I had died and arrived in heaven. I had to be. Where else but heaven does an angel perch themselves on your lap? No, though. It wasn’t heaven. It could not be heaven because her actions, her sounds and her intentions were the opposite of sanctity and purity: they were sinful. So bad and so good that you could get the two confused. 

She kissed down my neck and I swore my heart would burst out of my chest. She paused and sat up to say “When was the last time we got a whole weekend together like this?” 

I rubbed her arms up and down, “I can’t even remember.” 

“Me neither.” She kind of sounded like she wanted to say something else, but I didn’t really care, kissing her open mouth and rocking my hips up to hers. She was panting by the time my hands met her chest. “Please,” she whined, “Daddy, please.” 

She had no idea what she was asking for but I did. So I gave it to her. 

I would give her anything. 

6 Days Ago 

Monday 7:02 AM 

“Bye baby.” I kissed her still bed-headed hair. 

“NOooo!” she tried to pull my satchel back into her mess of sheets. 

“I’m sorry.” I sat down on the edge of the bed next to her. She curled her head into my lap and I caressed her forehead. 

“You have class today.” I felt her twitch, “An important one. You should eat a good breakfast.” 

“I know.” she said sadly. I registered that the sadness was less about class, and more about the fact we both knew this was goodbye for at least a couple days. Time spent together was bliss and days apart were agonizing, regardless of how important both of our responsibilities were. 

“Hey, think about what a good weekend we had.” I gently reminded her. 

“I know but now you’re gonna be gone.” The pain in her voice brought me the kind of sorrow that you didn’t wish upon your worst enemy. 

“Not for too long, little girl.” I kissed her forehead again, “I promise.” 

She got up and sighed, “Don’t make promises you can’t keep.” 

I wish she wouldn’t do that, but I couldn’t blame her either. 

“I’m sorry.” She just shook her head. 

“Don’t be. Go save some lives Dr. Reid.” there was a gentle smile on her face as she said the words, “I’ll be right here when you get back.” I enveloped her in a hug with nothing but love, and she still couldn't resist teasing me, “Or maybe drunk at a Frat house, I don’t know.” 

My eyes went wide and the thought immediately gave me anxiety, “Please, do not. Do you know-” She shut me up with a kiss and I silently thanked her for it. “I love you Spencer. I’ll see you soon.” “I love you more.” I got up and headed for the door, “Sooner than later, okay?” 

She nodded, “Okay.” 

3 Days Ago 

Wednesday 2:10 AM 

I silently stepped through the apartment, relishing in the stillness that meant just maybe, my begging Y/N not to waste sleep over me had worked, but I still doubted it. Her listening to my instructions was like a solar eclipse: disappointingly rare. 

As soon as I made it to the bedroom though, I was pleasantly surprised. She was asleep, but not yet under the covers. Poor thing had tried to stay up, but couldn’t. As much as I wanted to instantly smother her in affection, I restrained myself only to admire the sight of her in nothing but underwear and a grey cardigan of mine. She’d only done a single button too, obscuring the direct view so her figure was just barely covered. It was incredibly attractive and she knew it.

I began to undress, trying to remain silent as I exchanged my tie and vest for pajama pants and the Caltech sweater on the dresser. I didn’t wear it much before she did. In fact, I’d only started wearing it because despite it being 5 sizes too big for her, she adored it. For the first couple months of knowing her, it was the only thing she slept in. And because of that, it smelled like her perfume. Nestling myself into bed next to her, I wrapped my hands around her waist and pulled her close, while trying to gently pull the sheets out from under her. 

“Get under the covers.” Her eyes fluttered open, “Spence...Spencer?” She smiled, “Spencer!” 

She buried herself impossibly closer to my chest, arms and legs wrapping around me like a…

“You’re like a panda.” I laughed. She giggled, “You’re bamboo.”

“Are you calling me a stick-skinny? That’s hurtful, y/n.” We laughed harder until I couldn’t stop myself from kissing her. The kisses were long and sweet as we both savored the reunion. She tugged on the sweater I wore, “Why are you wearing my sweatshirt?” I brushed some hair out of her face. “It was mine first.” She rolled her eyes, “Pff...did you even go to Caltech?” She was trying so hard to control laughter, “Poser.” 

She laughed as I’m sure despite silence from me she could hear my internal screaming. 

Her laughter finally ceased when my grip on her got looser and my eyes hung a little lower. “Sleepy?” she asked. 

I nodded and so did she, “Me too.” We got under the covers together. 

“Hold me.” she hummed. “Hotch give you guys the day off tomorrow?”

“Yeah, recuperation. The case was...rough.” 

“You guys catch the guy?” she asked. 

I nodded, “Yeah.” “That’s amazing Spence. You’re so amazing.” I held her tighter. 

“I love you.” I said. 

“I love you too. Now go to sleep.” And so I did. 

2 Days Ago 

Thursday 6:30 PM

“It did indeed. You’ve become my solnyshko moyo.”

“Tell me that’s Russian dirty talk.” She said with a grin.

“It’s better. It’s a term of endearment you’ve become the epitome of.”

“And what’s that Dr. Reid?” she giggled.

“My little sun. You’ve become my little sun. Following me around and bringing light and warmth.” She snuggled herself impossibly closer into my chest, wrapping one of her legs over mine.

“Except for your feet!” I shrieked at her freezing toes meeting mine.

“They’re not that cold you big baby!” she shouted.

I laughed and kissed her sweetly, “I am not the baby here.” I said.  

“Please,” she started until I interrupted her with a kiss, “If you’re not the baby,” I kissed her again, “That implies I’M the baby,” Kiss, “And I’m not a” Kiss.

“Shush baby.” I told her, but like always, she didn’t listen, instead sitting up to straddle me. My appreciation for her beauty was like how a prisoner appreciates freedom, and yet it was miniscule into what I found in her character. It blew my mind that a girl so perfect existed.

“Rarely do great virtue and beauty dwell together. Francesco Petrarch.” I started, my hands making their way onto her hips, “That makes you a rarity.”

“You’re spoiling me with nice words today Spencer.” “You’ve spoiled me. My frontal lobe is spoiled milk.” She laughed, wondering how I was going to manage to make this one romantic.

“That’s the part of the brain responsible for sensibility and logical thinking, and you, little girl, have positively ruined it. You make me stupid.”

“I ruined the genius Dr. Reid with the 187 IQ? Makes sense. I’m like, way smarter.”

“You are. So, so much smarter.”

“I want that in writing.” she poked my chest.

I pulled her down and kissed her forehead to whisper in her ear. “Not a chance.”

She pushed herself away and rolled her eyes at me like a bratty child does her nanny, and I continued, “ You’re smarter, but I’m more educated. I have more doctorates than you have years in university.”

“Whatever…”

I brushed the hair away from her perfect face, “You tired baby?”

She sighed and laid down, splaying herself on my chest, laying on me like I was the duvet. “Very.”

I held her impossibly close, breathing in her scent and counting every time her heart thumped, her bpm said she was relaxed. Oh god, I wanted her like this forever. Relaxed in my arms, where nothing could touch us but each other.

Present Day 

Sunday 11:45 PM

How did it all seem so incredibly long ago? The BAU break room couch was definitely not made for sleeping, and yet Hotch had insisted I come try to get some rest. What was the use? How was I supposed to rest knowing that Y/N was out there in so much danger? I couldn’t rest until we found her, everybody knew that. 

Morgan came rushing into the tiny room, “Garcia’s got a hit. Her father left her 3 of his commercial properties, one of which is an abandoned mall.” 

I wasn’t allowed to work on the profile, but this was, for lack of a better word, a clear trap. “Morgan, it can’t be that easy. We both know that.” 

“Kid, she’s having a psychotic break. Everything about this is disorganized. It wasn’t planned at all. It’s not that much of a stretch to say she’d go to a secluded place she figured we’d never find.”

“Was there a second stressor? JJ and I thought it might’ve been the proposal but…” 

“Reid, I’ll brief you in the car. Get your shit together and let’s go get Y/N.” 

----

Taglist: @slaterskaterslaterboi @frickin-bats @bxtchboy69​  @reidsbbg

@sassy-hades @jackiehollanderr @k-k0129 @spenceoffense​

(Comment to be added)

[liitlesunshiine]

High on the clock

Quirkless AU - Toya Todoroki

Warnings: cursing, drug use, anxiety, panic attack mention, suggestive themes, slight sexual themes 

A fun light hearted fic. Definitely enjoyed writing this piece so I hope you guys enjoy reading it. ^.^ It’s flirty n cute n Toya is a total bae. <3 

You and Toya are coworkers who try making the most out of your shitty job. 

------------------------

“Goddd this place fuckin blows.” You groaned in frustration sitting across Toya. 

“As if I didn’t know that already,” he sleeplishly replied. 

You never intended on working in this shit show of a store for as long as you have but yet, here you were two wasted years later. You had high hopes after graduation but it seems no job wants to hire someone with no experience and you can’t get any experience since you can’t get an actual job that’ll provide it. So it’s forced you in this sort of awkward limbo and vicious cycle of going back and forth. You’ve been stuck wearing this shitty bright uniform with a barely livable wage and terrible hours. Miserable every second of the day, with the constant guilt eating at you for being so complacent. 

Of course there were a few exceptions.

Of course… Like the highly attractive coworker you spent most of your time here with. Days spent with Toya were significantly better than the days spent without Toya. In fact, if it weren’t for him, you’d probably wouldn’t have lasted as long as you had here. Because man, when days were good they were ok, but when the days were bad, they were really fucking bad.  Some in which you were ready to burn down everyone and everything yet the sweet, hot, god-like Toya would make you melt with his cute quirky smile and meet your eyes with his own that you would absolutely drown in and next thing you know, you had completely forgotten about what you were upset over. Now, it’s just a bonus that he meets your sarcasm with his own, the both of you have always had this flirty like atmosphere that neither of you are willing to acknowledge but low key kinda know there’s an underlying sexual tension there. It was strange how well you both got along, the average onlooker would assume nothing more than a simple boyfriend and girlfriend relationship but it was really just mutual likability and connection between the two of you. Days with Toya were simply good days. And you were absolutely grateful for someone like him because god knows how terrible it’d really be here without him.

“Why don’t we make this night a bit memorable,” Toya who was right next to you behind the counter, gives you a side wink and unzips the company jacket to reveal a small ziplock within the pocket. Andddddd long behold it’s weed! You chuckle to yourself, never getting tired of Toya’s shenanigans. Very much appreciated as he’s best form of entertainment here. 

“Toya we almost got caught last time, you really wanna risk it again?” Your words ran on deaf ears as he was already rolling up the blunt underneath the counter, “what’s the worst they can do? Fire us?” You stopped for a second and nodded, well he wasn’t wrong. Maybe this was the push you needed to finally leave this shit hole. “You got a point, let’s do it quick before someone comes in.” 

While this is a 24 hour convenience store, usually pass 1am, rarely anyone is inside. So you suppose it wouldn’t be too bad of an idea. Plus with Toya your bound to have a good time, who are you to deny him. You trusted in him enough to get away with his bs. 

“Pass the lighter doll,” you fished for the lighter that was nicely decorated with little blue flames over in your small book bag and passed it to him. He holds the blunt between his two hands and you duck underneath the counter with him. “Ladies first,” he cockily said, you lean forward and placed your mouth on the blunt while he held it for you. He always did this and it always felt oddly intimate to you. Couldn’t help the warm fuzzy feeling in your chest taking over when his glass like eyes gazed over you. They always made you curious and somehow hungry for knowledge of his life. You’ve never knew someone so well yet know nothing of them, but that’s always been enigma of Touya. You exhaled closing your eyes, attempting to calm your nerves. “You know the only time I ever smoke is on the job with you.” He smirked bringing the blunt to his own lips, “guess I’m a bad influence then.” 

You snorted and rolled your eyes. “Everyone needs a lil spice in their life, no?” It was his turn to roll his eyes. You gently grabbed his wrist and led the blunt back to your lips again, he stared quietly at you. Which oddly made you tense up. “Don’t look at me like that,” you smiled. 

“Like what?” He smiled. 

“Like I’m the most beautiful girl in the world that you can’t live without.” Now you both laughed. This was the usual routine with Toya; cracking jokes and talking shit for a bit and simply enjoying each other’s company while the store was empty. He finally broke the trance you were in when he spoke up. 

“You know, having my father kick me out of the house wasn’t so bad after all,” Toya leaned in. 

You looked at him with a puzzled look, he never brings up his father. Whenever the conversation appeared it was quickly diverted elsewhere. You didn’t want to poke or intrude but curiosity got the best of you and you couldn’t help but want to continue the conversation. “Yea? Why is that?” You wondered. His father, from what you’ve been able to gather with the little bits Toya has mentioned here and there, was that supposedly his father is some CEO to a multi million dollar company. Odd considering the likes to where Toya ended up but you concluded that they must’ve ended in bad terms. You understood how cruel and selfish parents can be and didn’t need further explanation on that part. Easy to assume considering how poorly and little he speaks of him. He shut your ideas off with his simple response. 

“I wouldn’t be smoking a blunt with the world’s most beautiful girl under this shitty counter, if it weren’t for it.” Ha, that definitely caught you off guard, causing a light blush to form across your face. Even with a seeming sensitive topic he still manages to tease you. He’s got that cheeky smile plastered all over, “Got you choked up doll?” You rolled your eyes. You were about to tell him off before the door rang indicating that someone has entered the store. You snapped out of the haze and immediately got up to quickly realize that the person who entered was one of the regional managers, oh fuck. You nearly froze in fear and kicked Toya under the counter. “Ow the fuck was that for?” He looked at you while soothing the kick you just gave him but upon looking at your panicked expression and frenzied body, he quickly crushed the blunt and shoved it back inside the pocket of his jacket. He didn’t need to be told or explained which you greatly appreciated at the moment. Toya was always able to read the room, bless his soul. He clumsily got back up to which you had fixed his crooked hat and whispered into his ear to tuck his shirt in while covering him slightly to do so.

“Hi-ya hello, good afternoon, I mean good evening sir.” You embarrassedly stumbled over your words to which Toya snickered at. You kicked him again harder this time as discreetly as you could. On the verge of a panic attack. He gripped tightly at the counter, smiling at the man in front of you both. Hissing silently at the pain your kick caused him. He gave you a quick side eye nodding his head in disapproval. Which somehow made you feel drastically worse. 

“Good evening to you both, I’m sure you know who I am.” 

You responded a bit too hastily looking like a rabid chihuahua. “Yes! Yea. Of course we do, how are you? What brings you in at this time? It’s so late.” You manage to say within 2.0 seconds, the automatic robotic customer service attitude overtaking your body. Well- at least trying to considering you just had a 30-minute smoke sesh under the counter and your mind is  desperately trying to sober up. Honestly, what the fuck was he doing here at this time? This has never happened and I mean out of all the hours of the day. Oh yea, you’re definitely getting fucked, the smell of weed was so pungent, it was literally embarrassing how bad the situation looks. You wanted to cry. Toya’s eyes were stained red and you only assumed yours look worse. 

“Gotten a few complaints about this store recently. Wanted to come in and take a look.” You began to get a cold sweat, oh shit he knows, he definitely knows. You had words lodged in your throat that couldn’t come out. What could you say? What can you say? You’re in the wrong here. Everyone knows that smoking weed with your cool and kinda hot coworker under the counter is definitely not ok. Maybe even illegal, oh god what if this gets on your record. You’ll definitely not be able to get a professional job, then you’ll really get stuck working a even shitter job than this. Oh good oh god oh my god. 

As if sensing the absolute panic and anxiety off of you, Toya gently caressed your arm motioning you to relax and to stay silent. You recognized the wave that washed over him and instantly knew he’d handle the situation, he always does. And if you could die in his arms right now, you’d accept your fate happily. Toya was an interesting man oh right, you always believed he held such potential to do great things and even change the world. It doesn’t make sense really considering you both work at a basic job but you had come to secretly admire the guy. You’d would tell him too, how you believed in him, how you had so much confidence for him to become something great but he would always shut it down and brush it off like it was nothing.  It was as if he didn’t think he was good enough. It always bugged you that he thought so little of himself, but seeing him now causally and confidently bullshit the regional manager out of your current situation just simply reminded you of how special he was to you. Definitely got your pussy wet and made you eternally grateful too.

Toya was standing in front of the counter, making hand gestures while the manager just stared analyzing his words. You were completely z0ned out, only able to get parts of the conversation. 

“We’ve been having this customer appear at the store over and over again around this time of night harassing me and Y/N. We’ve considered calling the cops since he’s always high off his mind, we’ve caught him smoking in the bathroom on multiple occasions too. He was in here about 15 minutes ago and we haven’t been able to get rid of the smell.” 

Ah the beautiful lies that slipped through Toya’s lips sounded like a symphony. It was nothing short of comedic and yet so fucking Oscar-worthy. You could definitely pay this man to tell you lies he with how effortlessly convincing he was. You couldn’t even care to listen to what the manager was responding with, but on his way out he waved at you wishing you a goodnight and you sighed out with relief. 

Toya turns to you clasping his hands together “well there’s gonna be a security guard here for the next two weeks.” You laughed “I guess that’s better than getting fired huh.” 

“I’m not sure about that,” he chuckled. “I texted Shigs to come and take over the rest of our shift.” 

You looked at him confused, “how come? Either way, do you think he’ll be ok alone here?”

Toya slipped his phone into his pocket and walked back to you “yea he doesn’t give a fuck. Besides you look pale fucking white, guess this guy sobered your ass up real quick.” 

You attempted to glare angrily at him but it came off as a soft puppy look. You had no energy nor the strength to pretend. It feels like you just got whiplash from the rollercoaster you were on. Figured it was no use in lying considering you looked like you just went through it. “Yea, I still feel high as shit, I just wanna go home already, only thing this guy gave me was a fat fucking headache.” 

He ruffled the top of your head, “awe poor baby,” he said in a teasing tone, he inched up right beside you, “I got something that can help with that.” You jokingly pushed him off you, tying to ignore the warm feeling pooling under your stomach. Your mind was definitely thinking something dirty with a million miles per second and with how he handled today’s situation you’d be more than willing to give him whatever he pleased, but you pretended to cast aside those intrusive thoughts and act unfazed. “Shit don’t tell me you got Advil on you too?” 

He chuckled lightly nodding is head down, “got something even better doll.” He scoots up next to you and grabs a bottle of excedrin underneath the counter, passing it to you. You excitedly open it taking two pills out “oh my god I didn’t know we had some underneath here, yes thank you. You're definitely my hero today Toya.” As if y’all didn’t work in a convenience store that had if not all types of medicines. It was the effort that made it special though, it’s what brought that bright goofy smile of yours to light.  

You weren’t able to see the blush that formed on his cheeks while you swallowed the two pills. “Yea I remember you telling me you get headaches n shit and I know this medicine helps with it.” He was scratching the back of his head awkwardly. He never really handles compliments well but you tippy toed over to him and wrapped your arms softly around his neck. “I appreciate it Toya, that was really thoughtful. Thank you.” 

If you didn’t see his previous blush you definitely noticed this one, which in turn lead you to blush. But you couldn’t miss this opportunity- “AWE is lil Toya blushing. So cute brings me back to my middle school days.” That caused a loud laugh to come out of you both. “Shut it.” he quickly and quietly said. 

“Am I interrupting something.” You and Toya quickly untangled from each other trying to play off the slight tension in the air. 

“Errrr um.. Hey Shiggy, thanks for uh coming in.” You awkwardly stumbled, you never really got along with him so there was always this weird loud silence between the both of you. He already seemed to be annoyed, per usual.  The sloppy blue hair all tangled looking greasy and his patchy skin looking irritated and flaky as usual. He definitely was not amused or happy to be here. Well when was her ever. You’ve yet to seen the man smile. 

“Whatever.” He takes a sip from his metal bottle and walks over to the counter. 

“Shiggy you the man, thanks for pulling up bud.” Toya pats him in the back and Shigaraki shuttered. “Don’t touch me,” he flatly said. He glared at you both. 

“You guys can go leave and fuck now.” The words caught you instantly by surprise and you got completely red. “That’s not what were gonn- ugh whatever like it matters.” With that, you and Toya clock out and leave the store with Shigaraki sending daggers at your back.

“He’s always acting like such a bitch.” You annoyingly complained. 

Toya puts his arm around your shoulder pulling you closer to him “he ain’t so bad when you get to know him.” 

“I guess.” You rolled your eyes, you didn’t really care. You were more relieved to have finally left. He can rot in the store by himself for all you care. Not you or Toga would miss him. 

“So,” Toya glided with his words, itching you closer to him. He was leading the way in this position with you happily following. Not knowing the destination but feeling completely at peace with his form completely snug at your side. You comfortably wrapped your arm around his waist and gently placed your head in the crook of his neck. This was nice you thought, you and Toya were always this intimate when alone. No hesitation or awkwardness, just simply holding hands and sharing body heat as friends with the underlying passion waiting to burst and to be acknowledged. But nothing ever felt rushed, not with Toya. You stared at him from this angle, taking in his beautiful effortless features. His lashes looked so long as you stared in slight jealousy, his hair a perfect black mess with hidden red roots if you stared long enough, and his eyes. Man, you could write poems and sing songs with how the eyes stirred up some emotion you can't quite pin down. Always causing an eruption of feelings you can barely control. 

You felt the warmth from his breath when he spoke, “wanna go to back to my place and finish that blunt? Would love nothing more than to see the world’s most beautiful girl on my bed.” 

You blushed and nodded looking at those piercing blue eyes once again “well, when you look at me like that I guess I can’t say no.” 

Maybe this time you would finally show Toya just how special he really is to you. 

[redmeet]

IBLBM, Chapter 4 live slug (me) reaction

idk how you did it, but you've so easy for me to relate to jake, it's insane

"it's not a french press morning" lmaooo

jake. baby. love of my life. of all the bradley memories you have to choose from, you chose THAT ONE to remember in the middle of your medical???

"you don't need it" AH WTF WTF WTF

why mango though, is it bc he's hot?

willingness to leave people behind.. DUDE. they way i projected

okay brief but relevant parenthesis: i think it's amazing the way you've built jake from the scraps that the movie gave us on him. the material is close to nothing AND YET, you've managed to perfectly encapsulate jake's barely-there essence and make it something real and palpable and layered. also i think what's truly remarkable is that every single thing he says or does or thinks, feels in sync with movie!jake. there is not one thing i've read where i say "hmm not sure jake seresin would say that", quite the contrary, really

ngl i feel kinda weird that he didn't sit with fanboy and payback right away, BUT i'll attribute this to this widely-accepted fanon's idea that somehow all the daggers became like siblings in 2 weeks (which btw reminds me of the dark times in the mcu fandom when all fics post-avengers (2012) took place in the stark tower with them living together) lmaooo

fanboy my love i want a hug from you

oh man. my boy is down bad

i'll be a good former catholic and keep to myself my thoughts while readings jake's thoughts on bradley's body

ANOTHER RELEVANT PARENTHESIS: i also love the way you've built bradley. obviously the movie gave us a lot more material than with jake, but still, it feels (read: i feel) like you might've taken some of miles' personality (or at least what he and kaleigh let us on) and attached it to the character? am i correct? did you intend to? in any case, let me tell you this: YOUR BRADLEY IS AMAZING. he is, in my very not-so-humble opinion, The Perfect Man (haha i just remembered jake says this in Like What Up) because, again, he feels very real and in character with what the movie presented us with

you really should get an award for you E scenes

PHOENIX MY LOVE

god the pet names

THE PHILLIES. I KNEW IT. miles' traits bleeding into bradley YESSS GIMME MORE

ah this progressive camaraderie between everyone does feel natural!

OH MY GOD. OH GODDD. I'M-

teagan, you'll be hearing from my lawyer AND my therapist

no, for real, i LOVE angst, i love complicated and kinda self-sabotaging characters so that last part with jake and what we get to see of his past and the way he reacts to everyone, but particularly bradley is just *chef's kiss*. everything felt like a natural progression. it hurts in the best way

i've said this before but it bears repeating: you are an incredibly talented writer and i cannot wait to see where this goes <3

the way I love you!!!!!!! a live slug reaction so epic deserves it's own appropriate under the cut (with spoilers) response:

yes thinking of THAT while in medical... well it wasn't Jake's best plan was it

honestly any callsign I give a student I can guarantee I've given zero thought to 😂 it's usually the first word that comes into my head. you are absolutely welcome to picture mango as being hot <3 (if you're even referring to his callsign)

your first parentheses has me like 😭 thank you!!!!!! Jake is so precious to me and I try so hard to both keep my version of him true to the movie while also adding depth where I can... ah. thank you <3

re Jake not sitting with Payback and Fanboy straight away... yeah. I don't really believe that they'd go from the open animosity at the beginning of the movie to Super Besties by the end of it/after the mission, personally! gotta build that friendship first imo

re your second parentheses... thank you ahhh!!! I haven't necessarily consciously taken aspects of Miles' personality and applied it to Bradley! I just think that outside of a high stakes, stressful mission he'd be very confident and cool and collected and cocky because in their line of work you sort of have to be, I feel?

'you really should get an award for you E scenes' hehehehe 😈

'ah this progressive camaraderie between everyone does feel natural!' I'm so glad!!!

'teagan, you'll be hearing from my lawyer AND my therapist' I tried to warn people!!!!!! good to know that the angst lands well 🫣

'i've said this before but it bears repeating: you are an incredibly talented writer and i cannot wait to see where this goes <3' we are holding hands right now 🫶🏻

[forcebook]

I have a question regarding coloring gifs. If we take the vegaspete scenes that are so beautifully colored in the episode and turn it into a gif, the color would change? Or is some original footage you make gifs out of just not as nicely colored? I'm sorry for this stupid question but since I have no idea at all about gif making I don't understand the basics behind it at all. I'm just always cheering gifmakers on because they leave me in awe. 🤗🥰

hi!! not necessarily! especially if you have a high quality copy of the scene and is probably giffing on photoshop, i’m sure a lot of the coloring will remain intact!

BUT that being said, most shows are not as perfectly colored as they seem to be. i think mostly because of the filters, lighting and also perception!

you don’t notice that when you’re watching the shows tho because you have nothing to compare them to. but the moment you actually see a gif that removed the original filter or added a lot more vibrancy to it, it becomes VERY obvious.

but we also get used to gifmakers’ colorings and don’t even realise that that’s actual work of someone else and not just how the show looks. and only when we put the gifs side by side reality hits alkdkakdks

the footage i have is definitely not as nicely colored as it could be which is why i correct the coloring. gifs are different than videos, they do require more lighting and look better with more colors tbh! i mean, you can still make gifs with the raw material, that’s up to you! but the more you edit it, the better it’ll look.

it’s not a stupid question! i myself am not an expert in gif making, i just love editing and coloring images so i’m always noticing how even though a scene is nicely colored, it could definitely be brighter, more vibrant aldkskkdks i can’t help it!

goddd gifmakers are artists!!!! they can literally make masterpieces out of random scenes with poor lighting 🤣🤣🤣🤣 for real, they deserve ALL the respect because it’s not easy!!!!! especially giffing for tumblr is HELL!!!!!!!!! don’t let anybody tell you otherwise.

i hope this helps!! but i’m sure people who use photoshop can explain this better than me! ❤️💙

[yikesharringrove]

Changing the theme a bit, since I saw you dont hate Jonathan thank goddd, maybe Jonathan having to ask Steve and Billy for tips because he's aro or ace? Or something he knows Lonnie wouldve actually killed him for, which Billy gets and Steve is fully willing to help soft Jonathon be a THING and they are just his gay mentors and mayhaps. Nancy just doesnt get it and it gets messy and Will just stands up for his brother in full anger and slams the door in her face and hugs jon so tight he falls

Steve is sex-positive ace, Billy is sex-repulsed, and Jon is greyace bc I’ve gotten so many messages about how many people were affected positively by showing ace diversity in that one drabble I wrote, so we’re keeping this goin’ because you’re ALL VALID. 😤

-

Jonathan had been crashing on their couch for a week and a half and has yet to say anything about the situation more than Nancy and I had a fight.

Billy and Steve didn’t know what the fuck to do about it. Jonathan was obviously fucking heartbroken over whatever the fight had been about, but they didn’t wanna pry.

“Thank you guys for taking me in. I’m sorry, I’ve probably been cramping your style.” Steve just shook his head, serving three plates of eggs and toast.

“There’s not a lot of style going on in this apartment for you to cramp.” Steve smiled at him as he placed the plates on the table. Jonathan gave him an odd look.

“What do you, what do you mean?”

“We don’t really fuck.” Billy was always the blunt one. Jonathan’s fork clattered to the table.

“You don’t, why not?”

“Neither of us are really into it.” Jonathan looked like he could fucking cry.

“Me neither. That’s what the fight was. Nancy kept asking why we don’t have sex, and if I stopped loving her, and I do! I love her so much, but I just, sometimes I feel that way about her, but I usually don’t, and I’m so fucking confused.” Steve reached out, placing a firm hand on Jonathan’s arm.

“Jon, it’s okay. I mean, I don’t think we’ve had sex in like, a year?” Billy nodded.

“It was before we actually talked about how we both felt about it.”

“And is that-” Jonathan trailed off, but they got it. Is that like me.

“I don’t mind sex. If I’m with someone who wants to have it, I can be cool with that, but I don’t always get off, and it’s more about making the other person feel good, or using it as another way to be like, intimate. But I don’t really think about it, and I can definitely go without.”

“I actively don’t like fucking. I kinda think sex is, is fucking gross. I mean, you do you and all that, but like, every time I had sex it just, it made me feel gross.” He pulled a face.

“I just, I don’t know what I’m supposed to feel for her, honestly.” Jonathan ran a hand down his face. “Sometimes, sometimes it just feels like a fucking chore. And she just, she kinda confronted me about it, and I probably could’ve worded it better, but she got so angry, and hurt, and we just, we decided to take some time apart.” He pushed the eggs around his plate. “And there are some situations that I just, I want it with her so badly, but most, most of the time I just, I just want to be with her, like just spend time with her. And she, she’s never been very good at being sensitive about things, or, or, sympathetic, and she just, she made me feel fucking broken. Like there was something wrong with me.”

“First of all, fuck her for making you feel like that.” Billy had one eyebrow raised.

“Bill-”

“No. Jonathan, you are not broken, and it sucks she made you feel that way. If she can’t be in a relationship that respects your boundaries, then she is not the one.”

Steve sighed.

“Jon, Bill’s right. A relationship should be safe. She should be more mindful of your boundaries and feelings, and should not be making you feel bad for those things. I’m not saying you should like, dump her-”

“I am.” Steve batted a hand at Billy.

“-but, if you have an open conversation with her, and nothing changes, then you are always welcome here.” Steve squeezed his arm again.

-

The talk with Nancy had been bad.

She had taken everything really personally, said that Jonathan needed to sort out his priorities and to let her know when he’s attracted to her again.

And he tried, he tried so hard to explain the way he felt, that it all comes and goes like the fucking tide, but she had put her foot down.

So he showed up back to Billy and Steve’s apartment with two more suitcases and tears in his eyes.

“I just, I know I can fake it when I need to, I don’t know why I didn’t.”

“Because forcing yourself to do shit like that sucks. Fuck Nancy for being a bitch. Figure yourself out, and then find someone who respects your boundaries.”

Billy was pacing in front of the sofa, talking sharply, pointing at Jonathan a lot. Steve had one arm over his shoulders.

“You deserve respect, Jon. And you deserve to feel safe and happy in a relationship.”.

-

He couldn’t sleep that first night.

The fight was circling in his head, over and over and over and over-

He heard the bedroom door open, and someone creep out through the living room and into the kitchen.

He looked over the back of the couch, saw a bleary eyed Steve filling a glass of water for himself, wearing one of Billy’s faded band shirts, and a pair of panties.

Jonathan laid back down before Steve could see him looking.

-

The next morning, he found himself staring at Steve.

He had put shorts on, and even a chunky cardigan while he made breakfast, but Jonathan knew.

“Can I, can I talk to you about something?” Steve smiled brightly at him. “I, um, I noticed you coming out here last night.” Steve just nodded, a look of recognition in his eyes.

“You wondering about panties?”

“Um, yeah.” Steve shrugged. “I just like ‘em. And it’s not like, a sexual thing. Sometimes they make me feel sexy, but that’s not what it’s about. I just like them. Have a lot of women’s thing.”

“What about them do you like?” Steve shrugged again.

“It’s hard to describe. I’ve never felt like, super masculine. Like, big macho tough guy, I wanna hunt and never talk about my feelings.” Steve put on a stupid-sounding deep voice for his macho man. “And I mean, not all men are like that, but that’s kind of how you’re expected to be. And women are expected to be pretty and delicate, and I’ve always related to that more. Women’s clothes help me feel that way.”

“I’ve, um, I’ve always felt that too. Not necessarily the kinda, pretty and delicate part, but the, not feeling connected to masculinity and like, what’s expected from you.” Steve set down a plate of eggs and bacon in front of Jonathan, putting one down for himself as well, and one in Billy’s empty space.

“Hold that thought, I’m gonna grab Billy. He doesn’t like it when I yell for him.” Steve patted him on the arm, and was gone for a few minutes before he returned with Billy in tow.  “Okay, Jonathan. Please continue.”

“Well, not much to say. I feel like my dad kinda always shoved that like, macho man shit on me. Would take me hunting and stuff and I just never liked it.”

“Jesus, mine did that shit too. Not with hunting, but he was all about men having their place, and women having their place.” Billy took an aggressive bite of his bacon.

“Mine was too! I got sad once when I shot a rabbit, and he called me a pussy for like, a week.”

“When my dad was layin’ into me, if he ever saw my cry, it would just get that much worse.” They were nodding at one another, trading shitty dad stories back and forth. “He would like, get mad if I helped my mom cook and shit, too.”

“God, it’s like we had the fuckin’ same dad.” Billy raised his mug at Jonathan. “It’s hard to break outta that shit, even though he’s not in your life, anymore.”

“I think so, too. I haven;t seen him in years, but every time I do something he would’ve thought was too soft, I can still hear him in my head. And you know, that’s one of the things I like about Nancy. She’s really hard, and tough, and never expected me to be that way.” And he knows that in the end, Nancy was bad news for him, not being able to love and accept him, but that aspect of their relationship was so nice, so easy.

“There doesn’t always have to be both. I mean, Steve’s more outwardly soft, but we’re both real mushy at our cores. There doesn’t have to be a big tough one and a sweet soft one. Sometimes you have elements of both and you make it work.”

“You just have to find the balance within yourself, I think. And learn to embrace the parts of you that are soft and the parts that are hard.” Jonathan was nodding vigorously at Steve. “And it’s always different. I love getting to feel soft and pretty in a dress or something, whereas Billy finds ways to be soft by taking care of things, like me and all the plants.”

“Do you think, do you think you could help me? Find that, I mean.”

“Of course! Just think of the things you already feel, things that feel right when you do them, and that’s a good starting point. And maybe that’s your photography, and maybe it’s something else.”

So they let Jonathan experiment with things to find his softness.

He would help Billy tend to the fucking garden they had on the balcony, or bake with Steve. He took a million pictures, and Steve was thriving under the camera, would put on make up and something pretty and pose around the apartment.

It was just nice.

Getting to live with these two, and train himself not to be ashamed, it was nice.

Will would come and visit quite often, and he and Jonathan spent a wonderful Saturday evening coming out to each other, and validating the ever loving shit out of one another.

Billy and Steve came home to the two brothers hugging one another on the couch and trying to hold back tears.

Steve had inserted himself into the hug while Billy patted each one of them on the head and started making dinner.

But he figured of course this would happen.

His perfect little cocoon would crumble apart at some point.

Will had come over, and Steve and Billy had gone out to dinner together, leaving the two of them to order pizza and have a movie night.

It was great, hanging out with his brother like when they were little, not a fucking care in the world.

There was a knock at the door.

“Jon, it’s me. It’s Nancy. Can we talk” Jonathan’s heart stuttered to a halt in his chest.

Will was staring at the door like maybe he could set it on fire if he glared hard enough.

Jonathan sighed, opening the door to face his fate.

“Are you seriously still mad at me?”

“Yes.” She huffed.

“C’mon. Come back home.”

“Nancy, I can’t. Not if you’re not going to respect me.”

“We were fine. I don’t know why we can’t just go back to the way we were-”

“Because I was forcing myself to do things I was uncomfortable with just to make you happy.”

“Relationships are compromise, Jonathan.”

“I know that, but when I brought up to you what wasn’t working, you refused to listen. I was the only one forfeiting my boundaries and comfort in that relationship, and I deserve more.” She rolled her eyes.

“Jesus Christ, Jonathan, this is-” Will was shoving Jonathan back, stepping between the two.

“Nancy, he’s done talking to you about this. Unless you can respect that he doesn’t always feel that way, then move the fuck on.” He slammed the door right in her face. “You don’t need her.”

Jonathan was gobsmacked. Will had never spoken to anyone like that, at least not that Jonathan’s every seen.

“Why did you...?” He trailed off, still staring at the door.

“She was pissing me off. You’re right. You compromised everything in that relationship and she couldn’t even give you the bare minimum.”

Jonathan swept Will up, hugging him as tight as he possibly could.

“Thank you.”

“You deserve better than her.”

“Yeah, I do.”

[fairycosmos]

oh my god I feel you so much I'm in England too and from the start of August to October this year I was so unwell, my throat felt so swollen I felt like I couldn't breathe, I felt weak all the time I completely lost all appetite, I had the worst headaches and earaches and my GP literally did absolutely nothing, the most they did is ask me to send a picture of my throat and then they never got back to me.. ended up changing to a different GP, called up n told them my symptoms and immediately the lady was like "oh that sounds just like tonsillitis I'll write a prescription for you now you can collect it this afternoon!" like ????? 3 fucking months and it was that easy??????? a week later I was totally healthy again what the fuck

goddd!! it’s the most infuriating thing in the universe like you were literally living with debilitating symptoms that could’ve been sorted in a week if they had just listened to you ugh. it’s ridiculous. you have to advocate for yourself tirelessly for even a fraction of medical attention :/ it really sends me spiralling. im so sorry you went through all that and im glad you’re feeling better love. i hope ur new gp is better at their job. ive been meaning to switch for years bc mine is known to be awful and that’s partially why it took me literally a whole year to get sent to the hospital/given a colonoscopy like it’s always such an ordeal. they blame everything on covid too :/

[unseelie-bitch]

Season 1 Episode 6: A Fanatic Heart [Part Two]

I mean Fara is doing her best to be a good leader but I'm still pretty convinced she's going to die

FakeMusa is doing her best and I support her

Actually fuck OFF Terra you have NO RIGHT to ask that of her, much less EXPECT it

Also just a lil bit of FakeMusa analysis, she is not only feeling her boyfriend dying, but also all of the pain and terror and regret and anger of everyone else in that room. Of fucking COURSE she's going to get overwhelmed

Also also imma say she like, felt the death of her parents or something because that's been a building subplot all series

"He's in pain" ...so you want FakeMusa to feel it instead. Wow real good friendship there, Terra

Also it's bad enough that Terra's asking this, but for her dad, a TEACHER, to ask this of a first year who hasn't even learnt that technique yet, is fucking ridiculous

Called that

Well they kept the Musa Dead Mum plot... and now I'm upset

Don't FUCKING touch her Terra. People shouldn't have to expose their trauma to be allowed to say no - FakeMusa needs a hug but NOT from you. You want to talk about consent issues? Because this whole subplot is a big fucking red flag.

The one thing Fate got right - which I am certain wasn't intentional - is the neurodivergent coding of Musa. Like, the headphones to block out painful or too much stimuli is actually really well done (hence why I think it was an accident)

Sorry was Terra actually unbarricading the door? Sacrifice the many for the few is it, Terra?

Oh shit it JUST wants Bloom

Fara Bloom literally TOLD you they were just after her

I'm actually so mad that FakeMusa is negotiating her personal boundaries due to an adult and her supposed friend bullying a child

Oh Bloom's floating. Okay. We don't have the budget for wings but the fire fairy can float for no apparent reason

FUCK OFF SHE ACTUALLY JUST GOT FIRE WINGS FUCK OFF THAT'S ACTUALLY WORSE THAN NO ONE GETTING THEM OH MY GOD AT LEAST STICK TO YOU OWN SHITTY WRITING RULES

Why are some of them super easy to kill and others take like... a whole thing

Oh shit she can turn them back into people. Right okay, feel like that should have come up sooner

Dowling is such a good mother and I'm so afraid she's going to die. There's way too much time left for nothing else to happen and Rosalind is just rocking about

FARA LOOKS PROUD AND SHOCKED BY HERSELF OH NO I'M SCARED

Sorry Terra that crossed a line. I actively hate you.

Oh Beatrix just fully lied about being an orphan, she has a dad

Oh no he's not her bio dad

So Riven and Dane are villains with Roz now. Right

"Cooler?! I love Tinkerbell!" "Of course you do" good friend banter but I despise Terra now so can someone else have banter with Stella instead?

Aisha you didn't even introduce yourself how would Bloom's parents know who's talking to them

"Bloom transformed" no she fucking didn't she got shitty fire wings that have made me SO ANGRY. That's not a transformation it DOESN'T COUNT

None of you are considering the possibility that the whole "Blood witches" thing was a lie? No? Eveyone just tells the truth all the time always, even Rosalind?? Right okay. I hate this bullshit show

Also you canNOT just throw in a term like "blood witches" in the last fucking episode. That's a fucking joke Weed Boy

Sky is having Sad Boy Hours

Ooh a Sad Boy montage

See Bloom's going to talk with Dowling and I feel like it's going to go badly because NO ONE IS LOOKING FOR ROSALIND

Bloom is finally being open and honest with Dowling and accepting her as a mother figure so she's DEFINATELY going to die. These death flags are waving in my fucking face

BLOOM ASKING FOR A HUG AND FARA'S LITTLE FACE OH MY GOD I'M SCREAMING THIS IS SO SAD AND CUTE

Also from Fara's face: when was the last time she got a hug oh my god

AWWW THIS IS SO SOFT AND SAD

FARA IS FUCKING CRYING OH MY GODDD

That's just not what a figurehead is. You wanted to becime a symbol. There's a rather large and important difference

THE REASON FARA'S UPSET IS BECAUSE SHE DIDN'T WANT TO BE SO UNAPPROCHABLE THAT BLOOM HAD TO ASK FOR A HUG SO UNCERTAINLY OH MY GOD

I'm so angry that she's getting this development now. In the last 20 fucking minutes of the season

SHE BROUGHT THE WHOLE SQUAD BACK HOME LMAO MIKE'S FACE

Stella is so awkward and cute I love her why didn't we get HER FROM THE BEGGINNING

Also if this important conversation happens off screen I will feel robbed

And it's happened off screen. That is bull-fucking-shit

Sad montage of their baby... yikes

Oh the mother is leaving. #NotMyVanessa

This montage is bullshit I wanted a CONVERSATION

Okay but the Winx actually acting like friends is cute

So Riven and Dane went missing the night the school was attacked and no one's seen them and you just... aren't worried about these literal children? What kind of bitch-ass school...

Oh the Solarian army has FINALLY arrived

Stella ain't here lads

Oh fuck OFF Queen Nightlight

You're arresting Silva??

Sorry there is literally NO fucking way Sky's dad is alive. I mean he clearly is and is clearly Beatrix's dad but that makes no sense. Shit writing at it's shittest

Stella's mum is CLEARLY involved in this shady shit

Also what kind of justice system...?

Hello there Bitchboy King

Fara vibing with the freshly burried corpses

Okay Rosalind is here and I'm scared for Fara's safety

Also apparently no one was aware the Burned Ones used to be people. I had assumed that was common knowledge but apparently that was supposed to be a secret reveal at the end that I worked out... so long ago. Come on lads

Also also I'm so scared because Sword Dad is being arrested and now Fara is alone with Rosalind and I feel like Fara is going to get murdered and replaced by Rosalind while Sword Dad is replaced by Sky's Dad

Oh Rosalind knew about the Burned Ones being people

Rosalind is a really good villain but she scares me and also her actress is still shit

The dragonfire is now the "Dragon Flame" and created the Burned Ones. I just. I'm so out of fucks to give

And Bloom has it too. Shook

Of course she risked kids to test Bloom - have you MET this woman she's shady as fuck

Dowling is talking about how she finally saw the light when she stepped out of Rosalind's shadow and clearly this a whole "I've escaped your abuse" thing and I'm so happy for her. And also terrified because she's definately about to die

If I leave this on pause Fara doesn't have to get murdered

And Queen Exposed Wire is in fact a part of the coverup. Shocked

I like that Rosalind is explaining everything. I genuinely do appriciate a good villain monologue

FARA DON'T GET AGGRESSIVE WITH HER SHE'S GOING TO KILL YOU STOP I DON'T WANT YOU TO DIE

DON'T WALK AWAY FROM HER OH MY GOD YOU THREATENED HER THEN TURNED YOUR BACK SHE CAN AND WILL KILL YOU FARA WHY DO YOU THINK SHE'S ABOVE THIS

I'm so fucking upset. She just. Snapped her neck. Lifted her up and murdered her. I'm actually on the verge of tears it was so brutal. I cannot believe they made me care about Fara in the last fucking episode only to KILL HER OFF

Did she just speed-rot Fara's body?? I'm so upset. I'm so fucking upset

And now all the Winx who were actually happy and getting along are coming back to this shitshow

Brian Young is a fucking criminal. Thank fuck that's over

[whentherewerebicycles]

still grappling! with the tension between wanting to be crystal clear on where I stand, but also: not allowing the easy work of reblogging or reposting the same handful of aesthetic posts to stand in for meaningful engagement. below is was what I ended up saying on Instagram a couple days ago, and it’s v true for Instagram—that really isn’t a place where I communicate with others or process ANYTHING in any meaningful way.

it’s a little more complicated for Tumblr, though, because I feel like this actually is a place where I journal, process, work through the things that are on my mind, including major contemporary events that touch all of our lives. I still want to hold to my personal policy of not just endlessly reblogging others’ posts, mostly because for me personally (not speaking for anyone else!) I find that reblogging offers an immediate relief of tension/pressure that makes it feel like I’ve fulfilled my responsibility or something—when obviously I haven’t; I’ve just done the easiest possible thing, with the most infinitesimal effect on the world. when I don’t reblog, that felt pressure/tension doesn’t get resolved, but keeps building—and I think that is useful for me, because it forces me to look for other outlets, other more meaningful ways of channeling that energy.

I didn’t end up protesting yesterday because local Black community leaders called off the official BLM march, due to the shitty ways white protestors behaved at the previous day’s protests. That made me feel weird/bad/tense all day, because a lot of people showed up anyway, and I couldn’t tell if my decision not to go was respecting their request not to go or an easy out that let me avoid a tense situation downtown. I also felt guilt at the idea of facing my students and having to tell them that I hadn’t gone—part of why that Audre Lorde quote about how being brave is maybe motivated by the greater fear of not being brave resonated with me this morning. But I am also trying to remind myself of another Lorde quote I often repeat: “I have no creative use for guilt, yours or my own.” The kind of guilt we stew in, the kind of guilt I spent yesterday fretting over, is uncreative. It goes nowhere; it builds nothing. It is more a concern with how others perceive and judge us than something that propels us into meaningful action. So: away with that guilt.

What can I do? I go back and forth on the performativity of the “I pledge __, will you match me,” in part because goddd money it just signals that some people have readier access to material resources than others. However, as someone who does have access to material resources, it’s an important way to support. I’ve added up all of the money I’ve saved these past three months of lockdown on coffees, drinks, eating out, gym membership, etc. and donated that, and am going to add a budget line for future months to make regular donations to local organizations. I’m also picking up the feminist histories reading project I’d been doing since August but had let lapse in March when everything started shutting down. That reading project centered on trying to understand the historical relationships between Black, Latinx, and White feminist movements, as well as delving more deeply into the life/work of Black feminist writers I’ve taught in the past.

I think the biggest area where I can intervene in my professional life is in the curriculum I develop and teach for next year’s class. During that local histories course I took this spring, I was working on designing lessons + instructional materials to help students better understand the racial and socioeconomic history of our city (and also the often-fraught relationship between university researchers + Black and brown communities). I was going to pick that back up again in July when I start working on the curriculum in earnest, but might begin thinking about it now, as a creative outlet for that felt tension/pressure. I also have a lot of grant $$ to bring people onto campus, so I can begin making a list of community organizations who I could reach out to in July when we’re putting our speaker together. Lots of room there to channel our program funds into supporting Black and other POC community groups.

I had also bought or requested a bunch of books on community-engaged education and was planning to do some casual pedagogy theory reading with a friend this summer, but we talked about it this weekend and I think we will retool that list a bit to focus specifically on antiracist and trauma-informed pedagogy. I am also continuing my longer-term reading projects around mentoring practices, since a lot of that work is implicitly related to antiracist pedagogy even if it also touches on my other areas of interest (mentoring Latinx and other students of color, mentoring women, mentoring first-gen students, etc.).

I’m posting this in part as a way of thinking through next steps, but also as a form of public accountability. I want to be clear that while I’m not going to be reblogging most of the “ways to be an ally” posts (or the various other posts that are repeatedly circulating in the tumblr ecosystem right now), it’s not because I am checked out or indifferent. I’m trying to avoid modes of engagement that, for me personally, feel more like quick-relief-of-White-guilt responses than meaningful action. please know that I am not condemning other people’s use of reblogs as a way of engaging or responding! I just know that—again, for me personally—there are more substantive ways I can channel that energy in my personal and professional life, and I want to push myself to actually do those things instead of getting caught up in the cycle of social media outrage.