#GODDD WHY CAN NOTHING BE EASY
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stuck-in-the-ghost-zone · 10 months ago
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I FUCKING HATE MEDICAL FACILITIES!!!!!!!!!!
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borathae · 4 months ago
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sooooo.... this is how I imagine it!!!!!
nsfw links ahead!!!!!!!!! ⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️
https://x.com/nsfwfk/status/1796629896116027409?t=n6ZlVJFOzS8J7JZTTr-wfQ&s=19
Jungkook waking oc up by sucking her nipples....
https://x.com/xsinnery/status/1811042189805506633?t=Lh3vg3lLgMV2v-Dpge3aAg&s=19
I imagine oc scrolling on her phone laying in bed and he'll just come up, maybe crawl under her shirt...maybe she's fresh out the shower and is wearing nothing but a towel so he has easy access...
https://x.com/xsinnery/status/1814300912459850156?t=wXuMqcWSBno87ieO_nq6pg&s=19
Maybe Koo barges into the room while she's changing or something and sees her with her tits out and forgets why he went into the room and becomes a big baby begging for a suck...
She'll tell him about her day while he keeps his cock warm inside her and suckles
https://x.com/xsinnery/status/1814677087267004870?t=zKYimfRxbqmMDRlc0jyTFQ&s=19
Sometimes Yoongi and him just want to watch a movie with oc and lay on her chest while they suck on her nipples... but she feels their boners and she masturbates both of them while they keep sucking...
As a girlie with very sensitive nipples... this is my fantasy goddddddd everytime you write about needy boys sucking on titties.... I melt I swear
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I thank you for your service my lovely anonie 🥵🥵 I am living vivaciously through these videos, fantasising about how it would be to have decently sized tits and sensitive nips *cries in small tits and basically numb nips*
Video 1
Video 2
Video 3
Video 4
istfg all your HCs are definitely canon goddd him just being so starstruck for her tits and being so, so happy when he can lick them 🥵 I LOVE WHEN SUBBY BOYS 😭😭
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crisculapte · 7 months ago
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What'd be your rank of the blackpink solos?
(Flower,all eyes on me,money,lalisa,solo,on the ground and gone)
Omg thanks for asking!! Long post incoming!
9. MONEY
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Fun song! Love the choreo and that outfit with the pigtails and big boots in the performance video. It became famous and made it in the Spotify billions club for a reason 😏
Although... The lyrics... And the blaccent... And the braids... And sorry Lisa I know you're insecure abt ur singing but that prechorus... 😬😬😬 So yeah, I don't like it very much, but I can see why most people do!
8. LALISA
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I'm sorry Lisa I promise I don't hate you 😭 Just like I don't hate this song!! 🤩
Frankly, I LOVE the instrumental, and the chorus is so fun (and the choreo!!), and I think the switch-ups at the end worked well. And OHHH the MV was SO GOOD. The sets and outfits were gorgeous!! Also, the most badass thing you can do is name a song after yourself. Love her for that.
7. FLOWER
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I was actually really disappointed when this came out... To me, it just sounds like a SOLO 2.0, which is really a shame since Jisoo has so much potential. UGH, why couldn't YG give her a rock/ballad thingy like we begged for ��
Anyways, the song is good and fun to sing, the dance is fun, it went viral, the outfits are 🔥🔥🔥
6. All Eyes On Me
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Although I like it more than FLOWER, it doesn't stand out at all, so there's nothing I can say about it.
5. SOLO
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The solo of solos lol. Still iconic after all this time. Did you know Jennie changes her outfit 21 times in the MV? Nice song, fun to sing and dance to.
4. You & Me
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Well, I added You & Me, oops... Hope you don't mind 😅
Yeah, it's a fun song that's easy to listen to. I'm running out of things to say here lol. I like the Coachella version better.
3. On The Ground
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Oh wow I just realized how divided this ranking is. I swear it doesn't reflect my bias list or any kind of favoritism 😅 (well, maybe a bit)
I love Rosé's voice. And the song is so much fun to sing!! I couldn't shut up until a month after it came out lol. Love the MV, and THE CHOREO OH MY GOD!!! She's literally ON THE GROUND and WAY UP IN THE CLOUDS woahhh 🤯🤯🤯
2. Hard to Love
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Also added this one 😁
It's a breath of fresh air from the other songs, since the genre is so different. One thing I love about Rosie? Her style of singing. Whenever she sings, doesn't matter what song, it sounds so personal to her. I love the way she delivers the lyrics in this one.
1. Gone
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Oh my goddd. The emotions? The vocals? The MV? The lyrics?? Everything is perfect. I love singing this song.
Conclusion
Well, one thing is certain: all the solos match the soloists and I think it reflects them so well. The styles, the lyrics. You can tell whose song it is without batting an eye. Welp, thanks for reading my long post lol
How would YOU rank them?? (Please tell, I'm interested!)
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brick-a-doodle-do · 2 years ago
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Okay, while this won’t be the best, or most well written, I can’t spend too long on this. I don’t know how long it will be until the creature realizes I’m awake and ends me, so I’ll be quick and straightforward.
I had just gotten my new game for my stream, I don’t remember what it was called, tiny adventures or something, i don’t know. I had gotten it at a discount, being the last one on the shelf or whatever, so I was fairly sxcited to play it. Hat really got me excited was the old fashioned vibe i got from it.
So. I put it in my computer, and loaded up my stream. It’s karl jacobs on twitch if anyone wants to look at it, kidding this is supposed to be serious.
But i started the stream wne thtrough the normal routine, whatever. I booted up the game to see it as a happy little adventure/rpg. With oyu as a shrunken person.
So i played. My viewers were more suspicious about it, worrying about why myh hand was suddenly too small to hold the mouse.
I continued playing although the mood of the game shifted when i noticed a clocked, cloaked sorry, figure following me around. Hte respawn messages became nicer and nicer, telling me that i can do it or that i could keep going. That got my viewers. Attention, but noit mine. I wa happy because it was so nice and gave me the courage to continue.
Until i got to the boss battle.
I suddenly couldn’t even reach my desk so it was too easy to die. Chat was paniced, so was i. Until it got worse. There was a new face on my screen who looked strangely human and sweet. I panicked as I saw this person pull themself out of my computer and reach down to grab me.
I was held up on stream to danglr over theur mouth as they spoke two words.
Your mine.
And i was dropped in their mouth and swallowed.
I ave been here for hours now, tryingt o find a way to escape as this creature began talking to my friends. I think my friend has tried to talk to the creature, and maybe even called the cops, but nothing’s worked so far. Ive beren keeping contact with my friends for a bit through tezt so they know im alive but i don’t know how lobg i will be.
Plese send hekp soon im starting to worry
-Karl
are you in danger? creature?? is this like a game ????
yoo a streamer in my inbox? :0000 honored :DD
tiny adventures lol that sounds like that old au i gave squishy,,, and ???? i've never heard of this game,,,, i NEED more g/t games cause god all of my g/t content comes from a few movies & tumblr efjgjdsf (anyone who sees this give me game ideas. preferably free like on itch.io or smth? are all the games on there free??)
aha yeah very likely mr jacobs BJJDDVJD shoes off on my blog pls
H i want a game like that oh my godddddd
ohhh it was? honey the computer shrunk me DSFJFDV
ohhh weird i love games like that! does he have a significance to the story later on i wonder?
boss battle okay cg for getting that far! was it against the cloaked figure? that'd be quite the betrayal
is this like a dream you had ??? it's interesting asf!
a vore dream oh my goddd i want a vore dream :0
a vore lucid dream, even better!
cool for sharing this w me, thank you! :DD
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1-talk-alot · 2 months ago
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ThereIsABombAboutToBlowItllDefinitelyRuinTheShowPleaseLeaveBeforeItsTooLateIfYouStayYoullSurelyMeetYourFate(StopDancingImNotSpeakingInCodeTheresABombAndItsGonnaExplode) anyways!
I’m gonna it’s my friends again and my opinions on them and what’s changed! (Wooo wooo hurrah bravo)
Bullet points because I like bullet points
M - I had to start with this because it’s like the main topic of this blog most days (aside from me) and like. Look I can’t ignore the shit theyve done ok and I can’t say that I like them now but I will say that I miss them from before. I think like mid-last year was better and when I think of them on my own I can only remember running across the playground hand in hand in the rain or literally cackling over a doodle of Kirby with stick arms in English class or sneaking out of last period a little early together or goofing around in my own kitchen attempting a paper mache volcano and then I feel like a shitty friend for everything I said about them but they both hold true. We’re not the same as how we used to be to eachother and im always going to miss how we were no matter what, and again I’m not saying I like them, im saying I miss them, but I can’t like them for who they became
C - oh my goddd where do I start ok: they used to be like that person who you could always count on to have the bestttt insight advice or just reason. They were always so cool and so admirable (again not in the pervert way) They were always the most logical and just right with their opinions which is why I cannot believe how things have turned. I’m not gonna lost what they did because you (the only one person who I’m expecting to read this) already did like yesterday or the day before idr but holy shit. It’s so fucked up and I can’t imagine how it looks in their head because they have to know what they did wasn’t ok??? I find it hard to believe their oblivious to the fact because they’ve always been the most confrontational voice of reason, they always knew when something was or wasn’t acceptable and they always phrased it perfectly so it’s impossible that they don’t know how fucked up what they’ve done is right??? Im very briefly skimming how I feel about this but yeah thats the basics ig
A - there are two people who’s name starts with A, so to distinguish, I’m talking about the one who also likes to refer to themselves as Bruce Wayne as an inside joke: I have nothing bad to say about this person and nothing has changed I just wanted the excuse to say how cool they are. They’ve got like the best moral compass in the world and theyre so easy to talk to in the way that they can carry most of the conversation somehow??? Theyre also so easily hilarious and just like. Top teir personality man I honestly didn’t know people like you still existed but it’s nice to know they do
K - ok new code name but I’m sure it’s easy to guess who that is: At the start like then they joined I was only skeptical because they were Ms friend which ig is biased but I just wanted to make it clear that it no longer holds true and theyre really nice and I like them a lot :3
L - again nothing has changed so I’m not gonna write everything here since it’s all been said before but they’re really admirable (in a “that persons so [insert complementary adjective] I wish I could be like them” way not in a pervert way obviously) and theyre really cool and I also like them a lot and they make going to school sooooo much more manageable honestly
K - since there are two people who’s name starts with K now I’m gonna specify this is the one who’s a girl and is also Russian (to distinguish between the other “K”) anyway She’s so so so so so so cool omg Ik I’m saying a lotta positive stuff which is a bit out of character for my rants but she’s also so pretty and she has suchhh good fashion taste I wish I could be her ngl
W - I was mostly planning to do the people who i see every day In school BUT! Whatever so: alright disclaimer W is an awesome friend we’ve been friends for like 8 years and I never wanna change that but ik rn they have an ed (which I’m not bashing on on its own bcs that would be super hypocritical and also fucked up) and they have an underweight bmi rn which is like yk it’s your business im not going to comment on it out of nowhere but they just keep bringing it up unpromted. Like earlier today they said something like “no thanks I wanna stay at 50kg!” Almost totally out of nowhere and I’m as someone who’s never met them before you’d be thinking “oh well that’s asshole behaviour cut ties with them already” and no bcs they’re genuinely not like that at all. And I feel sick talking about this bcs ik if I had a thigh gap It’d also probably be on my mind 24/7 bcs like after all that struggle it’s hard not to be proud but please. As someone who’s trying to recover rn these random out of the blue mentions on how thin they are is just soooo crushing but anyways moving on
E - ok that was a lot let’s lighten up the mood a little bit shall we! Pretty much nothing has changed but I wanted the excuse to write this paragraph anyway
Theyre literally my favourite person ever and ik im not always the most engaging person to talk to (but they are!!) but I loveee hanging out with them sm they make my life so much better and they’re sososososososoo pretty theyre acc gorgeous ahsjajdjajdjja I love them so much words cant capture its entirety <333
To end on a good note im gonna list some of the reasons I love them sm (/p)
- theyre often very passionate and their energy is contagious
- theyre very understanding and non-pressurising :3
- they also get what I mean when I start spouting random words to try and describe an overly specific feeling
- hugs!!! Their hugs are literally the best need I say more
- the weird ass conversations we have (online and irl) that would seem so strange and incoherent to a stranger
- how we dont even have to be talking its just 100% more enjoyable if theyre in the room too
- Art! Theyre such a good artist dude even the doodles in the margins of their books are somehow neat
- they can make me laugh even through text which might be a byproduct of how much I love them but it still counts
- idk if this sounds stupid but they just have like all the best opinions (except when it comes to their taste in men /j)
- writing! Point blank theyre such a good writer idek how to elaborate on that they’re just an amazing writer (“yay!” Said the whole class /ij)
- Ik I’ve been harping on this a LOT today but for the final time theyre so fucking prettyaydjajdjjsdh
- I can trust them with anything :3
- feel like this is too long and I could pretty much think of new points forever so im gonna stop now but you get it :3
Anyway I just realised I started saying “bullet points bcs i like bullet points” and then proceeded to not do bullet points so you can kill me now it’s ok (I didn’t proof read this btw)
Bye bye!
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robinofinashiro · 3 years ago
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drabble: daiya boys getting jealous to you wearing another guys jersey ! 
characters: multiple characters x fem! reader
request status: OPENED / all fandoms pinned to the top of my blog as well as rules and req status! happy sending! 
Miyuki Kazuya: 
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- mans so confused? why are you wearing Eijun’s jersey. he had specifically gotten you a jersey that had his number for you to wear and the fact that you were wearing his pitchers jersey was completely throwing him off. especially because it was a game day and you were helping the girls with their cheering today and he wanted you to be in his jersey while you did it. 
- you were talking with Eijun and Nori, trying to get their pre-game jitters to settle the tf down. it didn’t even seem like you bothered by the fact that you wearing Eijun’s jersey and although Miyuki did not want to cause a scene, a part of him wanted a explanation. 
- as he was about to walk to you for an explanation, you got dragged away by the girls as he was called onto the field. he saw you a bit later on the stands, you were talking with the girls, every so often, the in field camera would pan to you and show off you wearing Eijun’s jersey. his eye continuously twitched at it and it wasn’t until the end of the game when he finally got the chance to approach you about it. 
- “why are you in his jersey?” he asked, lifting the jersey as if it was dirty. you laughed, sensing that he wanted you to take it off so you did, “i got Red Bull over the spare one you gave me and Eijun offered to take me to the locker room to get another one of yours but i guess i grabbed his spare by accident,” you laughed. Miyuki sighed understandingly but took his sweaty jersey off and putting it on you, “yours stinks you know,” you told him, giggling at his possessiveness, “i know but i’d rather you smell like dirty me than to have that idiot smelling line you.” you laughed, kissing his cheek as you heard a few of the girls call you over to catch dinner, “i’ll see you after dinner!” you screamed as he watched you, finally satisfied that you were wearing his jersey now. 
kuramochi youichi: 
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- you thought you got off easy with miyuki? MANS WAS PISSED. you were adorning Shinji’s jersey when he had specifically given his to you. kuramochi walked up to you, seeing you talking to a few of your friends in front of your home room. he didn’t even ask, he practically dragged you over to a corner. 
- “what up with the jersey?” he asked, pointing to Shinji’s number. you rolled your eyes, “um, this is the one you gave me? what the hell are you on?” you asked, trying to see the number. he shook his head, “the fuck it’s not. you’re wearing Shinji’s jersey!” he exclaimed, “take it off,” he stated, as he yanked your back pack off you and watched you annoyingly take it off.
- kuramochi looked at the time. you had about ten minutes before class started and that gave him enough time, “come with me,” he said, dragging you out of the hallway and basically darting to the boys baseball locker room. you were screaming at him, asking him where the hell he was dragging you off too. it wasn’t until you saw the boys locker room approaching when you finally realized. 
- he told you to wait a second and not even a minute after, he walked out of the locker room, holding his jersey in his hand and throwing Shinji’s into the hallway, not caring where it landed. Mochi put it on for you, making sure his number was showing. you looked at him and saw a blush on his cheek, realizing that he was flustered by how you looked with his jersey on. 
- you leaned up, giving him a kiss on the lips before smiling, “i like this one better,” you giggled. he gave you a hearty laugh, before returning the kiss, “you better because it’s mine,” he said in-between kisses. the kiss seemed to go on longer than you had realized as the two of you heard the two minute bell ring off, “race you to home room,” you told him as the two of you basically darted off to class. 
Narumiya Mei: 
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- GODDD, you got the whiniest of the bunch, omfg. he sees you wearing Carlos’s jersey and he immediately starts getting dramatic. he complains to Itsuki about why aren’t you wearing his and when he finally approaches you, you could see the whiny look on his face, “why are you wearing Carlos’s jersey!” he said. 
- “i decided to wear everyone’s jersey as a way to support the team as the manager,” you said, not bothering to play into his attitude. he could tell you were annoyed by his attitude and figured since you were being this way, two could play this game. he knew you found his fan girls annoying as FUCK so he went to the common area and immediately got flocked with attention. 
- you had walked into that same area to get a water for yourself and saw the commotion around Narumiya. you saw the way girls were basically hanging off of him and realized this was his way of revenge for wearing Carlos’s jersey. you felt slightly annoyed, kinda jealous but knew the best way to get him back for it. and that way was to openly flirt with Carlos when he finally made his way to the dugout. 
- once you got Carlos into the plan, he waited until Narumiya arrived to take his shirt off in front of you. you had seen this plenty of times before but acted ‘flustered’ to get a reaction from Narumiya...which is exactly what you got. you flustered expression around Carlos made Narumiya pissed as he saw Carlos basically laying it on thick. he was being extremely flirty around you and even wrapping his arm around you for a few seconds at a time until Narumiya finally had enough. 
- he, without hesitation, took off his own playing jersey and yanked Carlos’s off, “wear it....now,” he stated, darkened jealous eyes showing. you had never expected his reaction from him before but giving yourself the benefit of the doubt, you slipped his on but still saw the expression written on his face, “we’ll deal with this later,” he murmured as crashed his lips onto yours, giving everyone in the dugout a free show. you were stunned with silence as Narumiya let you go and wiped away the lipstick you wearing in front of Carlos. 
Sanada Shunpei: 
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- you were wearing Todoroki’s jersey and frankly, he was upset but not as much as he should’ve been bc i mean, it was Todoroki, you couldn’t get mad at that cinnamon roll for a long time. it was hard when Raichi was basically a walking two legged version of the sun but that was besides the point, he hated seeing you wearing another number that wasn’t his. 
- you were talking to Todoroki, giving him a few tips on how to keep his bat in decent care when Sanada finally approached the two of you. he had a tight lipped smile as he sat next to you and putting his hand on your thigh and giving it a tight squeeze, causing you to squeal slightly in the process. Todoroki hadn’t noticed as he continued to blabber on about his precious bat. 
- finally, his dad had called him over for something, causing Todoroki to run over there as Sanada looked down to you, “what up with Todoroki’s jersey?” he asked, making sure he emphasized his name. you shrugged, still smiling at him, “felt like supporting him,” you explained, “he’s like a little brother to me and i wanted to make sure he knew he had someone’s support on the stands.” Sanada’s heart fluttered, any sign of jealousy leaving his body as he heard what you were saying. 
- he loved the fact that you were so sisterly to Raichi. there would be days where you would bring all three of you lunch on the field as you knew that if Raichi didn’t eat school lunch, he’d practically be running on a banana diet for the entirety of the day and you were not about to have that happening. 
- you leaned up, giving him a quick peck on the lips, “don’t worry, the only other person’s jersey i would wear is yours,” you whispered into his ear, “and if you win today’s game, you can see me in just that and nothing else.” Sanada instantly perked up up, agreeing to what you were saying as he got dragged up from the bench by a few of his teammates. 
hongou masamune: 
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- he’s seething and that doesn’t even begin to explain it. one of the first things he did as your bf was give you his jersey to make a statement that you were his and to back THE FUCK off and now here you were, wearing Renji’s jersey for some god awful reason. he knew Renji was his best friend but seeing you wearing Renji’s jersey just ticked him off more than usual. 
- Hongou approached you, dragging you away from the team as you tugged yourself back, trying to get him to explain why tf you were getting dragged away from everyone. when he finally got you to himself, he didn’t even hesitate to yank off Renji’s jersey, “why?” was all he asked as you sighed in disbelief, “why am I wearing Renji’s jersey?” you asked as he nodded, “because i lost a bet with the fucking idiot and my punishment was to wear his jersey to a game.” 
- Hongou didn’t really like the idea of this bet so he practically gripped his best friend’s jersey and took his off in the process, “you’re wearing mine and that’s final,” he stated, walking back to the loccker room to get his spare jersey from his stall. he shrugged his on as the two of you walked back to the team and he practically whipped Renji’s jersey back to him, “take yours back idiot,” he screamed to Renji making you laugh. 
- you shrugged, not really knowing what to say to Renji as he was caught off guard, “told you he’d react that way!” you exclaimed, laughing now, “you act like you don’t know your own best friend,” Renji silently agreed knowing you were right. you saw Hongou on the field, practicing extra harsh as you silently apologized to the other team for the ass kicking they were about to receive bc of Hongou. 
- you waved to Hongou throughout the game, whispering ‘i love you’s’ you him to try and get him to calm down but you knew that was no use. being Hongou’s gf meant that you were going to have to get used to dealing with his constant angry attitude and you knew that nine times out of ten, you were going to repay for your little bet with Renji bc of it. Hongou’s punishments on the other hand weren’t as bad as you liked to make it seem tho. you usually got some pretty good aftercare from him when it was all said and done. 
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mrsmaybank · 4 years ago
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My Little Sun - Spencer Reid x Reader
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 It could not be heaven because her actions, her sounds and her intentions were the opposite of sanctity and purity: they were sinful. So bad and so good that you could get the two confused.
CW: MENTIONS OF KIDNAPPING, IMPLIED SMUT, AGE GAP, LANGUAGE, DADDY KINK. (LMK IF I MISSED ANY PLEASE)
PART ONE
PART TWO
A/N: Shiiit!!! Sorry this mediocrity took so long!!! Anyway, let me know if you want me to clear anything up and please let me know if you like it. Kisses <3
I had the right to be upset, but I knew I shouldn’t be. Hotch was right, I could not work the case nor was I in the state to. It was for my own good and maybe the sanity of the rest of the team. I was a mess. He “ordered” me to go get some sleep in the breakroom, knowing I would never agree to go home. But like always, I couldn’t sleep. That wasn’t unusual and my brain began me to torture me with a movie of my most recent memories. 
9 Days Ago 
Friday - 8:49 PM
“I waannt Thaiiii foooood!” Only she could make my heart melt while simultaneously whining and disagreeing with me. She tightened her grip on my hand, “Pretty, pretty please?”
“We had Thai last week.” I looked down at her as we continued walking down the streets. “And plus, you love the Greek place.” She pouted and continued to ramble about why Thai was so much better. Even complaining, her company was so comforting and calming that I was genuinely relaxed, despite the roars of taxi cabs and the indistinct chatter of drunk city goers. 
“Oh my god! Don’t look! Do not look left!” She skipped to my right, “Look-look at me!” I watched her skip around me and cling to my right arm before her little hands grabbed my face and pressed her mouth to mine. 
“Sweetheart,” I tried to get out of her grip but she cut me off by pressing her body to mine and continuing the frenzied kiss. As soon as she needed a breath, I spun in the other direction. “You’re a monster.” I grabbed her hand and we ran to it immediately. A life-size and functioning chess board under an array of colorful lanterns and vines. It was probably a contemporary art piece and I silently thanked whoever created it. I wrapped my arms around her as I excitedly admired it. “Why didn’t you want me to see this?” I whispered into the small of her neck. “Is it because I always beat you at chess?” 
She backed up from me offended, “You don’t always beat me!” 
I grabbed her once more, not liking the space between us. “If you took all of our games, looked at my wins and your losses, I’ve won 98% of the time.” 
“Yeah well…” she tiptoed and grazed her lips against mine, “I win 100% of the time.” I was confused, “At this.” She pressed her entire body to mine and finally kissed me.
“You,”
Kiss.  
“Don’t know,” 
Kiss. 
“What you’re,”
Kiss.
“Starting little,”
Kiss.
“Girl.” 
She grabbed my hand and twirled herself around just to fall back onto me. I caught her, just like she knew I would. I trusted her and she trusted me, and that was the best feeling in the world. “I love you.” I said, still supporting all her weight. 
She stood upright and gave me a light kiss. “I love you so much Spencer.” 
I couldn’t see anything in the world but her. “I would do anything for you.” 
She perked up with a sneaky glint in her eye, “Would you eat Thai two weeks in a row?” She grinned. 
I sighed. She won. “Yeah,” I pushed the hair out of her face, “I would. Let’s go get some.” 
“If..” she rolled her eyes, “We play on the walk back.” I motioned to the board. “I’ll go easy on you.” 
“You’re on Dr. Reid.” she snarked back. 
8 Days Ago
Saturday - 2:31 PM
Saturday was one of those stereotypical rainy days where the world seemed slowed. The pitter patter of the raindrops and the light music of her favorite record created a symphony of other-worldly peace for me. I left our room, and there she was, my perfect girl sitting criss crossed at my desk. I perched over her, laying a sweet kiss on her cheek. 
“So..I was thinking macaroons…” she scrolled through different catering sites, “But cupcakes are a must too.” I watched her plan in adoration. Never in my life had I been so sure of anything. But I wanted to marry this girl and spend every last day of my life like this one and there was no question about it. It was that simple. 
“Spence?” she broke me out of my lovelorn daydreams of growing old together.
“Yeah?” I answered. 
“Chocolate or red velvet? There is one right answer.” her eyes narrowed. 
“Oh,” I knew exactly what she wanted me to say, “Red velvet. All the way.” 
“You really are a genius.” She teased and began to scribble ‘Red Velvet’ on the small notebook next to her. I looked at the list of random little things she’d written down in preparation for the day. It assured me she was just as infatuated with the idea of a future together as I was. I sighed, “Even your handwriting is cute.” 
“Duh..” she retorted and I rolled my eyes, “Can I read you the food list?” I gently lifted her off the desk seat, “You can read it to me on the couch maybe?” 
She nodded and grabbed her notebook. I sat first, and she took the opportunity to crawl in my lap. It’s like our bodies were made for each other because she just fit so perfectly there. 
“For the dessert table, hazelnut, pistachio and vanilla macaroons. From the French bakery in downtown. Obviously.  Red velvet cupcakes from that bakery JJ told me about. Remember the ones she ordered for her baby shower?” I nodded. “Those.”
“White chocolate macadamia nut cookies, and if I get my way..”
“You always do.” I teased. “Yeah, and don’t forget it.” she smiled, “Tiny little cheesecake squares.” 
“I’m glad we’re on the same page.” I said. “Of course! A lot of tiny desserts are waaay better than one big cake.” 
“And more sanitary.” It was her turn to sigh.
“Yes yes, and more sanitary.” She laid her head in my chest and closed her eyes.
 “I told Penelope we’d meet her at the restaurant at 3.” 
“But it’s raining!” I complained. Truthfully, I just didn’t want this moment to end. She gave me a look and I stopped my protests. “Y’know if we order an Uber instead of taking the metro, we might have time to take a nice…” her words purposely trailed, “Long...hot shower.” She didn’t really have to say much else, batting her eyelashes to give this heart wrenching illusion of innocence. I wasn't buying it. Then, being way too coy for her age, she ran her hands up my chest and flashed me a coquettish grin. It was textbook but, goddd. Her smile alone turned me on to an extent it shouldn’t. 
I let her off my lap and stood up instantly, grabbing her hand and leading her to our bathroom. “Now.”
7 Days Ago 
Sunday - 9:22 AM 
The view convinced me I had died and arrived in heaven. I had to be. Where else but heaven does an angel perch themselves on your lap? No, though. It wasn’t heaven. It could not be heaven because her actions, her sounds and her intentions were the opposite of sanctity and purity: they were sinful. So bad and so good that you could get the two confused. 
She kissed down my neck and I swore my heart would burst out of my chest. She paused and sat up to say “When was the last time we got a whole weekend together like this?” 
I rubbed her arms up and down, “I can’t even remember.” 
“Me neither.” She kind of sounded like she wanted to say something else, but I didn’t really care, kissing her open mouth and rocking my hips up to hers. She was panting by the time my hands met her chest. “Please,” she whined, “Daddy, please.” 
She had no idea what she was asking for but I did. So I gave it to her. 
I would give her anything. 
6 Days Ago 
Monday 7:02 AM 
“Bye baby.” I kissed her still bed-headed hair. 
“NOooo!” she tried to pull my satchel back into her mess of sheets. 
“I’m sorry.” I sat down on the edge of the bed next to her. She curled her head into my lap and I caressed her forehead. 
“You have class today.” I felt her twitch, “An important one. You should eat a good breakfast.” 
“I know.” she said sadly. I registered that the sadness was less about class, and more about the fact we both knew this was goodbye for at least a couple days. Time spent together was bliss and days apart were agonizing, regardless of how important both of our responsibilities were. 
“Hey, think about what a good weekend we had.” I gently reminded her. 
“I know but now you’re gonna be gone.” The pain in her voice brought me the kind of sorrow that you didn’t wish upon your worst enemy. 
“Not for too long, little girl.” I kissed her forehead again, “I promise.” 
She got up and sighed, “Don’t make promises you can’t keep.” 
I wish she wouldn’t do that, but I couldn’t blame her either. 
“I’m sorry.” She just shook her head. 
“Don’t be. Go save some lives Dr. Reid.” there was a gentle smile on her face as she said the words, “I’ll be right here when you get back.” I enveloped her in a hug with nothing but love, and she still couldn't resist teasing me, “Or maybe drunk at a Frat house, I don’t know.” 
My eyes went wide and the thought immediately gave me anxiety, “Please, do not. Do you know-” She shut me up with a kiss and I silently thanked her for it. “I love you Spencer. I’ll see you soon.” “I love you more.” I got up and headed for the door, “Sooner than later, okay?” 
She nodded, “Okay.” 
3 Days Ago 
Wednesday 2:10 AM 
I silently stepped through the apartment, relishing in the stillness that meant just maybe, my begging Y/N not to waste sleep over me had worked, but I still doubted it. Her listening to my instructions was like a solar eclipse: disappointingly rare. 
As soon as I made it to the bedroom though, I was pleasantly surprised. She was asleep, but not yet under the covers. Poor thing had tried to stay up, but couldn’t. As much as I wanted to instantly smother her in affection, I restrained myself only to admire the sight of her in nothing but underwear and a grey cardigan of mine. She’d only done a single button too, obscuring the direct view so her figure was just barely covered. It was incredibly attractive and she knew it.
I began to undress, trying to remain silent as I exchanged my tie and vest for pajama pants and the Caltech sweater on the dresser. I didn’t wear it much before she did. In fact, I’d only started wearing it because despite it being 5 sizes too big for her, she adored it. For the first couple months of knowing her, it was the only thing she slept in. And because of that, it smelled like her perfume. Nestling myself into bed next to her, I wrapped my hands around her waist and pulled her close, while trying to gently pull the sheets out from under her. 
“Get under the covers.” Her eyes fluttered open, “Spence...Spencer?” She smiled, “Spencer!” 
She buried herself impossibly closer to my chest, arms and legs wrapping around me like a…
“You’re like a panda.” I laughed. She giggled, “You’re bamboo.”
“Are you calling me a stick-skinny? That’s hurtful, y/n.” We laughed harder until I couldn’t stop myself from kissing her. The kisses were long and sweet as we both savored the reunion. She tugged on the sweater I wore, “Why are you wearing my sweatshirt?” I brushed some hair out of her face. “It was mine first.” She rolled her eyes, “Pff...did you even go to Caltech?” She was trying so hard to control laughter, “Poser.” 
She laughed as I’m sure despite silence from me she could hear my internal screaming. 
Her laughter finally ceased when my grip on her got looser and my eyes hung a little lower. “Sleepy?” she asked. 
I nodded and so did she, “Me too.” We got under the covers together. 
“Hold me.” she hummed. “Hotch give you guys the day off tomorrow?”
“Yeah, recuperation. The case was...rough.” 
“You guys catch the guy?” she asked. 
I nodded, “Yeah.” “That’s amazing Spence. You’re so amazing.” I held her tighter. 
“I love you.” I said. 
“I love you too. Now go to sleep.” And so I did. 
2 Days Ago 
Thursday 6:30 PM
“It did indeed. You’ve become my solnyshko moyo.”
“Tell me that’s Russian dirty talk.” She said with a grin.
“It’s better. It’s a term of endearment you’ve become the epitome of.”
“And what’s that Dr. Reid?” she giggled.
“My little sun. You’ve become my little sun. Following me around and bringing light and warmth.” She snuggled herself impossibly closer into my chest, wrapping one of her legs over mine.
“Except for your feet!” I shrieked at her freezing toes meeting mine.
“They’re not that cold you big baby!” she shouted.
I laughed and kissed her sweetly, “I am not the baby here.” I said.  
“Please,” she started until I interrupted her with a kiss, “If you’re not the baby,” I kissed her again, “That implies I’M the baby,” Kiss, “And I’m not a” Kiss.
“Shush baby.” I told her, but like always, she didn’t listen, instead sitting up to straddle me. My appreciation for her beauty was like how a prisoner appreciates freedom, and yet it was miniscule into what I found in her character. It blew my mind that a girl so perfect existed.
“Rarely do great virtue and beauty dwell together. Francesco Petrarch.” I started, my hands making their way onto her hips, “That makes you a rarity.”
“You’re spoiling me with nice words today Spencer.” “You’ve spoiled me. My frontal lobe is spoiled milk.” She laughed, wondering how I was going to manage to make this one romantic.
“That’s the part of the brain responsible for sensibility and logical thinking, and you, little girl, have positively ruined it. You make me stupid.”
“I ruined the genius Dr. Reid with the 187 IQ? Makes sense. I’m like, way smarter.”
“You are. So, so much smarter.”
“I want that in writing.” she poked my chest.
I pulled her down and kissed her forehead to whisper in her ear. “Not a chance.”
She pushed herself away and rolled her eyes at me like a bratty child does her nanny, and I continued, “ You’re smarter, but I’m more educated. I have more doctorates than you have years in university.”
“Whatever…”
I brushed the hair away from her perfect face, “You tired baby?”
She sighed and laid down, splaying herself on my chest, laying on me like I was the duvet. “Very.”
I held her impossibly close, breathing in her scent and counting every time her heart thumped, her bpm said she was relaxed. Oh god, I wanted her like this forever. Relaxed in my arms, where nothing could touch us but each other.
Present Day 
Sunday 11:45 PM
How did it all seem so incredibly long ago? The BAU break room couch was definitely not made for sleeping, and yet Hotch had insisted I come try to get some rest. What was the use? How was I supposed to rest knowing that Y/N was out there in so much danger? I couldn’t rest until we found her, everybody knew that. 
Morgan came rushing into the tiny room, “Garcia’s got a hit. Her father left her 3 of his commercial properties, one of which is an abandoned mall.” 
I wasn’t allowed to work on the profile, but this was, for lack of a better word, a clear trap. “Morgan, it can’t be that easy. We both know that.” 
“Kid, she’s having a psychotic break. Everything about this is disorganized. It wasn’t planned at all. It’s not that much of a stretch to say she’d go to a secluded place she figured we’d never find.”
“Was there a second stressor? JJ and I thought it might’ve been the proposal but…” 
“Reid, I’ll brief you in the car. Get your shit together and let’s go get Y/N.” 
----
Taglist: @slaterskaterslaterboi @frickin-bats @bxtchboy69​  @reidsbbg
@sassy-hades @jackiehollanderr @k-k0129 @spenceoffense​
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liitlesunshiine · 3 years ago
Text
High on the clock
Quirkless AU - Toya Todoroki
Warnings: cursing, drug use, anxiety, panic attack mention, suggestive themes, slight sexual themes 
A fun light hearted fic. Definitely enjoyed writing this piece so I hope you guys enjoy reading it. ^.^ It’s flirty n cute n Toya is a total bae. <3 
You and Toya are coworkers who try making the most out of your shitty job. 
------------------------
“Goddd this place fuckin blows.” You groaned in frustration sitting across Toya. 
“As if I didn’t know that already,” he sleeplishly replied. 
You never intended on working in this shit show of a store for as long as you have but yet, here you were two wasted years later. You had high hopes after graduation but it seems no job wants to hire someone with no experience and you can’t get any experience since you can’t get an actual job that’ll provide it. So it’s forced you in this sort of awkward limbo and vicious cycle of going back and forth. You’ve been stuck wearing this shitty bright uniform with a barely livable wage and terrible hours. Miserable every second of the day, with the constant guilt eating at you for being so complacent. 
Of course there were a few exceptions.
Of course… Like the highly attractive coworker you spent most of your time here with. Days spent with Toya were significantly better than the days spent without Toya. In fact, if it weren’t for him, you’d probably wouldn’t have lasted as long as you had here. Because man, when days were good they were ok, but when the days were bad, they were really fucking bad.  Some in which you were ready to burn down everyone and everything yet the sweet, hot, god-like Toya would make you melt with his cute quirky smile and meet your eyes with his own that you would absolutely drown in and next thing you know, you had completely forgotten about what you were upset over. Now, it’s just a bonus that he meets your sarcasm with his own, the both of you have always had this flirty like atmosphere that neither of you are willing to acknowledge but low key kinda know there’s an underlying sexual tension there. It was strange how well you both got along, the average onlooker would assume nothing more than a simple boyfriend and girlfriend relationship but it was really just mutual likability and connection between the two of you. Days with Toya were simply good days. And you were absolutely grateful for someone like him because god knows how terrible it’d really be here without him.
“Why don’t we make this night a bit memorable,” Toya who was right next to you behind the counter, gives you a side wink and unzips the company jacket to reveal a small ziplock within the pocket. Andddddd long behold it’s weed! You chuckle to yourself, never getting tired of Toya’s shenanigans. Very much appreciated as he’s best form of entertainment here. 
“Toya we almost got caught last time, you really wanna risk it again?” Your words ran on deaf ears as he was already rolling up the blunt underneath the counter, “what’s the worst they can do? Fire us?” You stopped for a second and nodded, well he wasn’t wrong. Maybe this was the push you needed to finally leave this shit hole. “You got a point, let’s do it quick before someone comes in.” 
While this is a 24 hour convenience store, usually pass 1am, rarely anyone is inside. So you suppose it wouldn’t be too bad of an idea. Plus with Toya your bound to have a good time, who are you to deny him. You trusted in him enough to get away with his bs. 
“Pass the lighter doll,” you fished for the lighter that was nicely decorated with little blue flames over in your small book bag and passed it to him. He holds the blunt between his two hands and you duck underneath the counter with him. “Ladies first,” he cockily said, you lean forward and placed your mouth on the blunt while he held it for you. He always did this and it always felt oddly intimate to you. Couldn’t help the warm fuzzy feeling in your chest taking over when his glass like eyes gazed over you. They always made you curious and somehow hungry for knowledge of his life. You’ve never knew someone so well yet know nothing of them, but that’s always been enigma of Touya. You exhaled closing your eyes, attempting to calm your nerves. “You know the only time I ever smoke is on the job with you.” He smirked bringing the blunt to his own lips, “guess I’m a bad influence then.” 
You snorted and rolled your eyes. “Everyone needs a lil spice in their life, no?” It was his turn to roll his eyes. You gently grabbed his wrist and led the blunt back to your lips again, he stared quietly at you. Which oddly made you tense up. “Don’t look at me like that,” you smiled. 
“Like what?” He smiled. 
“Like I’m the most beautiful girl in the world that you can’t live without.” Now you both laughed. This was the usual routine with Toya; cracking jokes and talking shit for a bit and simply enjoying each other’s company while the store was empty. He finally broke the trance you were in when he spoke up. 
“You know, having my father kick me out of the house wasn’t so bad after all,” Toya leaned in. 
You looked at him with a puzzled look, he never brings up his father. Whenever the conversation appeared it was quickly diverted elsewhere. You didn’t want to poke or intrude but curiosity got the best of you and you couldn’t help but want to continue the conversation. “Yea? Why is that?” You wondered. His father, from what you’ve been able to gather with the little bits Toya has mentioned here and there, was that supposedly his father is some CEO to a multi million dollar company. Odd considering the likes to where Toya ended up but you concluded that they must’ve ended in bad terms. You understood how cruel and selfish parents can be and didn’t need further explanation on that part. Easy to assume considering how poorly and little he speaks of him. He shut your ideas off with his simple response. 
“I wouldn’t be smoking a blunt with the world’s most beautiful girl under this shitty counter, if it weren’t for it.” Ha, that definitely caught you off guard, causing a light blush to form across your face. Even with a seeming sensitive topic he still manages to tease you. He’s got that cheeky smile plastered all over, “Got you choked up doll?” You rolled your eyes. You were about to tell him off before the door rang indicating that someone has entered the store. You snapped out of the haze and immediately got up to quickly realize that the person who entered was one of the regional managers, oh fuck. You nearly froze in fear and kicked Toya under the counter. “Ow the fuck was that for?” He looked at you while soothing the kick you just gave him but upon looking at your panicked expression and frenzied body, he quickly crushed the blunt and shoved it back inside the pocket of his jacket. He didn’t need to be told or explained which you greatly appreciated at the moment. Toya was always able to read the room, bless his soul. He clumsily got back up to which you had fixed his crooked hat and whispered into his ear to tuck his shirt in while covering him slightly to do so.
“Hi-ya hello, good afternoon, I mean good evening sir.” You embarrassedly stumbled over your words to which Toya snickered at. You kicked him again harder this time as discreetly as you could. On the verge of a panic attack. He gripped tightly at the counter, smiling at the man in front of you both. Hissing silently at the pain your kick caused him. He gave you a quick side eye nodding his head in disapproval. Which somehow made you feel drastically worse. 
“Good evening to you both, I’m sure you know who I am.” 
You responded a bit too hastily looking like a rabid chihuahua. “Yes! Yea. Of course we do, how are you? What brings you in at this time? It’s so late.” You manage to say within 2.0 seconds, the automatic robotic customer service attitude overtaking your body. Well- at least trying to considering you just had a 30-minute smoke sesh under the counter and your mind is  desperately trying to sober up. Honestly, what the fuck was he doing here at this time? This has never happened and I mean out of all the hours of the day. Oh yea, you’re definitely getting fucked, the smell of weed was so pungent, it was literally embarrassing how bad the situation looks. You wanted to cry. Toya’s eyes were stained red and you only assumed yours look worse. 
“Gotten a few complaints about this store recently. Wanted to come in and take a look.” You began to get a cold sweat, oh shit he knows, he definitely knows. You had words lodged in your throat that couldn’t come out. What could you say? What can you say? You’re in the wrong here. Everyone knows that smoking weed with your cool and kinda hot coworker under the counter is definitely not ok. Maybe even illegal, oh god what if this gets on your record. You’ll definitely not be able to get a professional job, then you’ll really get stuck working a even shitter job than this. Oh good oh god oh my god. 
As if sensing the absolute panic and anxiety off of you, Toya gently caressed your arm motioning you to relax and to stay silent. You recognized the wave that washed over him and instantly knew he’d handle the situation, he always does. And if you could die in his arms right now, you’d accept your fate happily. Toya was an interesting man oh right, you always believed he held such potential to do great things and even change the world. It doesn’t make sense really considering you both work at a basic job but you had come to secretly admire the guy. You’d would tell him too, how you believed in him, how you had so much confidence for him to become something great but he would always shut it down and brush it off like it was nothing.  It was as if he didn’t think he was good enough. It always bugged you that he thought so little of himself, but seeing him now causally and confidently bullshit the regional manager out of your current situation just simply reminded you of how special he was to you. Definitely got your pussy wet and made you eternally grateful too.
Toya was standing in front of the counter, making hand gestures while the manager just stared analyzing his words. You were completely z0ned out, only able to get parts of the conversation. 
“We’ve been having this customer appear at the store over and over again around this time of night harassing me and Y/N. We’ve considered calling the cops since he’s always high off his mind, we’ve caught him smoking in the bathroom on multiple occasions too. He was in here about 15 minutes ago and we haven’t been able to get rid of the smell.” 
Ah the beautiful lies that slipped through Toya’s lips sounded like a symphony. It was nothing short of comedic and yet so fucking Oscar-worthy. You could definitely pay this man to tell you lies he with how effortlessly convincing he was. You couldn’t even care to listen to what the manager was responding with, but on his way out he waved at you wishing you a goodnight and you sighed out with relief. 
Toya turns to you clasping his hands together “well there’s gonna be a security guard here for the next two weeks.” You laughed “I guess that’s better than getting fired huh.” 
“I’m not sure about that,” he chuckled. “I texted Shigs to come and take over the rest of our shift.” 
You looked at him confused, “how come? Either way, do you think he’ll be ok alone here?”
Toya slipped his phone into his pocket and walked back to you “yea he doesn’t give a fuck. Besides you look pale fucking white, guess this guy sobered your ass up real quick.” 
You attempted to glare angrily at him but it came off as a soft puppy look. You had no energy nor the strength to pretend. It feels like you just got whiplash from the rollercoaster you were on. Figured it was no use in lying considering you looked like you just went through it. “Yea, I still feel high as shit, I just wanna go home already, only thing this guy gave me was a fat fucking headache.” 
He ruffled the top of your head, “awe poor baby,” he said in a teasing tone, he inched up right beside you, “I got something that can help with that.” You jokingly pushed him off you, tying to ignore the warm feeling pooling under your stomach. Your mind was definitely thinking something dirty with a million miles per second and with how he handled today’s situation you’d be more than willing to give him whatever he pleased, but you pretended to cast aside those intrusive thoughts and act unfazed. “Shit don’t tell me you got Advil on you too?” 
He chuckled lightly nodding is head down, “got something even better doll.” He scoots up next to you and grabs a bottle of excedrin underneath the counter, passing it to you. You excitedly open it taking two pills out “oh my god I didn’t know we had some underneath here, yes thank you. You're definitely my hero today Toya.” As if y’all didn’t work in a convenience store that had if not all types of medicines. It was the effort that made it special though, it’s what brought that bright goofy smile of yours to light.  
You weren’t able to see the blush that formed on his cheeks while you swallowed the two pills. “Yea I remember you telling me you get headaches n shit and I know this medicine helps with it.” He was scratching the back of his head awkwardly. He never really handles compliments well but you tippy toed over to him and wrapped your arms softly around his neck. “I appreciate it Toya, that was really thoughtful. Thank you.” 
If you didn’t see his previous blush you definitely noticed this one, which in turn lead you to blush. But you couldn’t miss this opportunity- “AWE is lil Toya blushing. So cute brings me back to my middle school days.” That caused a loud laugh to come out of you both. “Shut it.” he quickly and quietly said. 
“Am I interrupting something.” You and Toya quickly untangled from each other trying to play off the slight tension in the air. 
“Errrr um.. Hey Shiggy, thanks for uh coming in.” You awkwardly stumbled, you never really got along with him so there was always this weird loud silence between the both of you. He already seemed to be annoyed, per usual.  The sloppy blue hair all tangled looking greasy and his patchy skin looking irritated and flaky as usual. He definitely was not amused or happy to be here. Well when was her ever. You’ve yet to seen the man smile. 
“Whatever.” He takes a sip from his metal bottle and walks over to the counter. 
“Shiggy you the man, thanks for pulling up bud.” Toya pats him in the back and Shigaraki shuttered. “Don’t touch me,” he flatly said. He glared at you both. 
“You guys can go leave and fuck now.” The words caught you instantly by surprise and you got completely red. “That’s not what were gonn- ugh whatever like it matters.” With that, you and Toya clock out and leave the store with Shigaraki sending daggers at your back.
“He’s always acting like such a bitch.” You annoyingly complained. 
Toya puts his arm around your shoulder pulling you closer to him “he ain’t so bad when you get to know him.” 
“I guess.” You rolled your eyes, you didn’t really care. You were more relieved to have finally left. He can rot in the store by himself for all you care. Not you or Toga would miss him. 
“So,” Toya glided with his words, itching you closer to him. He was leading the way in this position with you happily following. Not knowing the destination but feeling completely at peace with his form completely snug at your side. You comfortably wrapped your arm around his waist and gently placed your head in the crook of his neck. This was nice you thought, you and Toya were always this intimate when alone. No hesitation or awkwardness, just simply holding hands and sharing body heat as friends with the underlying passion waiting to burst and to be acknowledged. But nothing ever felt rushed, not with Toya. You stared at him from this angle, taking in his beautiful effortless features. His lashes looked so long as you stared in slight jealousy, his hair a perfect black mess with hidden red roots if you stared long enough, and his eyes. Man, you could write poems and sing songs with how the eyes stirred up some emotion you can't quite pin down. Always causing an eruption of feelings you can barely control. 
You felt the warmth from his breath when he spoke, “wanna go to back to my place and finish that blunt? Would love nothing more than to see the world’s most beautiful girl on my bed.” 
You blushed and nodded looking at those piercing blue eyes once again “well, when you look at me like that I guess I can’t say no.” 
Maybe this time you would finally show Toya just how special he really is to you. 
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redmeet · 2 years ago
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IBLBM, Chapter 4 live slug (me) reaction
idk how you did it, but you've so easy for me to relate to jake, it's insane
"it's not a french press morning" lmaooo
jake. baby. love of my life. of all the bradley memories you have to choose from, you chose THAT ONE to remember in the middle of your medical???
"you don't need it" AH WTF WTF WTF
why mango though, is it bc he's hot?
willingness to leave people behind.. DUDE. they way i projected
okay brief but relevant parenthesis: i think it's amazing the way you've built jake from the scraps that the movie gave us on him. the material is close to nothing AND YET, you've managed to perfectly encapsulate jake's barely-there essence and make it something real and palpable and layered. also i think what's truly remarkable is that every single thing he says or does or thinks, feels in sync with movie!jake. there is not one thing i've read where i say "hmm not sure jake seresin would say that", quite the contrary, really
ngl i feel kinda weird that he didn't sit with fanboy and payback right away, BUT i'll attribute this to this widely-accepted fanon's idea that somehow all the daggers became like siblings in 2 weeks (which btw reminds me of the dark times in the mcu fandom when all fics post-avengers (2012) took place in the stark tower with them living together) lmaooo
fanboy my love i want a hug from you
oh man. my boy is down bad
i'll be a good former catholic and keep to myself my thoughts while readings jake's thoughts on bradley's body
ANOTHER RELEVANT PARENTHESIS: i also love the way you've built bradley. obviously the movie gave us a lot more material than with jake, but still, it feels (read: i feel) like you might've taken some of miles' personality (or at least what he and kaleigh let us on) and attached it to the character? am i correct? did you intend to? in any case, let me tell you this: YOUR BRADLEY IS AMAZING. he is, in my very not-so-humble opinion, The Perfect Man (haha i just remembered jake says this in Like What Up) because, again, he feels very real and in character with what the movie presented us with
you really should get an award for you E scenes
PHOENIX MY LOVE
god the pet names
THE PHILLIES. I KNEW IT. miles' traits bleeding into bradley YESSS GIMME MORE
ah this progressive camaraderie between everyone does feel natural!
OH MY GOD. OH GODDD. I'M-
teagan, you'll be hearing from my lawyer AND my therapist
no, for real, i LOVE angst, i love complicated and kinda self-sabotaging characters so that last part with jake and what we get to see of his past and the way he reacts to everyone, but particularly bradley is just *chef's kiss*. everything felt like a natural progression. it hurts in the best way
i've said this before but it bears repeating: you are an incredibly talented writer and i cannot wait to see where this goes <3
the way I love you!!!!!!! a live slug reaction so epic deserves it's own appropriate under the cut (with spoilers) response:
yes thinking of THAT while in medical... well it wasn't Jake's best plan was it
honestly any callsign I give a student I can guarantee I've given zero thought to 😂 it's usually the first word that comes into my head. you are absolutely welcome to picture mango as being hot <3 (if you're even referring to his callsign)
your first parentheses has me like 😭 thank you!!!!!! Jake is so precious to me and I try so hard to both keep my version of him true to the movie while also adding depth where I can... ah. thank you <3
re Jake not sitting with Payback and Fanboy straight away... yeah. I don't really believe that they'd go from the open animosity at the beginning of the movie to Super Besties by the end of it/after the mission, personally! gotta build that friendship first imo
re your second parentheses... thank you ahhh!!! I haven't necessarily consciously taken aspects of Miles' personality and applied it to Bradley! I just think that outside of a high stakes, stressful mission he'd be very confident and cool and collected and cocky because in their line of work you sort of have to be, I feel?
'you really should get an award for you E scenes' hehehehe 😈
'ah this progressive camaraderie between everyone does feel natural!' I'm so glad!!!
'teagan, you'll be hearing from my lawyer AND my therapist' I tried to warn people!!!!!! good to know that the angst lands well 🫣
'i've said this before but it bears repeating: you are an incredibly talented writer and i cannot wait to see where this goes <3' we are holding hands right now 🫶🏻
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kexing · 2 years ago
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I have a question regarding coloring gifs. If we take the vegaspete scenes that are so beautifully colored in the episode and turn it into a gif, the color would change? Or is some original footage you make gifs out of just not as nicely colored? I'm sorry for this stupid question but since I have no idea at all about gif making I don't understand the basics behind it at all. I'm just always cheering gifmakers on because they leave me in awe. 🤗🥰
hi!! not necessarily! especially if you have a high quality copy of the scene and is probably giffing on photoshop, i’m sure a lot of the coloring will remain intact!
BUT that being said, most shows are not as perfectly colored as they seem to be. i think mostly because of the filters, lighting and also perception!
you don’t notice that when you’re watching the shows tho because you have nothing to compare them to. but the moment you actually see a gif that removed the original filter or added a lot more vibrancy to it, it becomes VERY obvious.
but we also get used to gifmakers’ colorings and don’t even realise that that’s actual work of someone else and not just how the show looks. and only when we put the gifs side by side reality hits alkdkakdks
the footage i have is definitely not as nicely colored as it could be which is why i correct the coloring. gifs are different than videos, they do require more lighting and look better with more colors tbh! i mean, you can still make gifs with the raw material, that’s up to you! but the more you edit it, the better it’ll look.
it’s not a stupid question! i myself am not an expert in gif making, i just love editing and coloring images so i’m always noticing how even though a scene is nicely colored, it could definitely be brighter, more vibrant aldkskkdks i can’t help it!
goddd gifmakers are artists!!!! they can literally make masterpieces out of random scenes with poor lighting 🤣🤣🤣🤣 for real, they deserve ALL the respect because it’s not easy!!!!! especially giffing for tumblr is HELL!!!!!!!!! don’t let anybody tell you otherwise.
i hope this helps!! but i’m sure people who use photoshop can explain this better than me! ❤️💙
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yikesharringrove · 4 years ago
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Changing the theme a bit, since I saw you dont hate Jonathan thank goddd, maybe Jonathan having to ask Steve and Billy for tips because he's aro or ace? Or something he knows Lonnie wouldve actually killed him for, which Billy gets and Steve is fully willing to help soft Jonathon be a THING and they are just his gay mentors and mayhaps. Nancy just doesnt get it and it gets messy and Will just stands up for his brother in full anger and slams the door in her face and hugs jon so tight he falls
Steve is sex-positive ace, Billy is sex-repulsed, and Jon is greyace bc I’ve gotten so many messages about how many people were affected positively by showing ace diversity in that one drabble I wrote, so we’re keeping this goin’ because you’re ALL VALID. 😤
-
Jonathan had been crashing on their couch for a week and a half and has yet to say anything about the situation more than Nancy and I had a fight.
Billy and Steve didn’t know what the fuck to do about it. Jonathan was obviously fucking heartbroken over whatever the fight had been about, but they didn’t wanna pry.
“Thank you guys for taking me in. I’m sorry, I’ve probably been cramping your style.” Steve just shook his head, serving three plates of eggs and toast.
“There’s not a lot of style going on in this apartment for you to cramp.” Steve smiled at him as he placed the plates on the table. Jonathan gave him an odd look.
“What do you, what do you mean?”
“We don’t really fuck.” Billy was always the blunt one. Jonathan’s fork clattered to the table.
“You don’t, why not?”
“Neither of us are really into it.” Jonathan looked like he could fucking cry.
“Me neither. That’s what the fight was. Nancy kept asking why we don’t have sex, and if I stopped loving her, and I do! I love her so much, but I just, sometimes I feel that way about her, but I usually don’t, and I’m so fucking confused.” Steve reached out, placing a firm hand on Jonathan’s arm.
“Jon, it’s okay. I mean, I don’t think we’ve had sex in like, a year?” Billy nodded.
“It was before we actually talked about how we both felt about it.”
“And is that-” Jonathan trailed off, but they got it. Is that like me.
“I don’t mind sex. If I’m with someone who wants to have it, I can be cool with that, but I don’t always get off, and it’s more about making the other person feel good, or using it as another way to be like, intimate. But I don’t really think about it, and I can definitely go without.”
“I actively don’t like fucking. I kinda think sex is, is fucking gross. I mean, you do you and all that, but like, every time I had sex it just, it made me feel gross.” He pulled a face.
“I just, I don’t know what I’m supposed to feel for her, honestly.” Jonathan ran a hand down his face. “Sometimes, sometimes it just feels like a fucking chore. And she just, she kinda confronted me about it, and I probably could’ve worded it better, but she got so angry, and hurt, and we just, we decided to take some time apart.” He pushed the eggs around his plate. “And there are some situations that I just, I want it with her so badly, but most, most of the time I just, I just want to be with her, like just spend time with her. And she, she’s never been very good at being sensitive about things, or, or, sympathetic, and she just, she made me feel fucking broken. Like there was something wrong with me.”
“First of all, fuck her for making you feel like that.” Billy had one eyebrow raised.
“Bill-”
“No. Jonathan, you are not broken, and it sucks she made you feel that way. If she can’t be in a relationship that respects your boundaries, then she is not the one.”
Steve sighed.
“Jon, Bill’s right. A relationship should be safe. She should be more mindful of your boundaries and feelings, and should not be making you feel bad for those things. I’m not saying you should like, dump her-”
“I am.” Steve batted a hand at Billy.
“-but, if you have an open conversation with her, and nothing changes, then you are always welcome here.” Steve squeezed his arm again.
-
The talk with Nancy had been bad.
She had taken everything really personally, said that Jonathan needed to sort out his priorities and to let her know when he’s attracted to her again.
And he tried, he tried so hard to explain the way he felt, that it all comes and goes like the fucking tide, but she had put her foot down.
So he showed up back to Billy and Steve’s apartment with two more suitcases and tears in his eyes.
“I just, I know I can fake it when I need to, I don’t know why I didn’t.”
“Because forcing yourself to do shit like that sucks. Fuck Nancy for being a bitch. Figure yourself out, and then find someone who respects your boundaries.”
Billy was pacing in front of the sofa, talking sharply, pointing at Jonathan a lot. Steve had one arm over his shoulders.
“You deserve respect, Jon. And you deserve to feel safe and happy in a relationship.”.
-
He couldn’t sleep that first night.
The fight was circling in his head, over and over and over and over-
He heard the bedroom door open, and someone creep out through the living room and into the kitchen.
He looked over the back of the couch, saw a bleary eyed Steve filling a glass of water for himself, wearing one of Billy’s faded band shirts, and a pair of panties.
Jonathan laid back down before Steve could see him looking.
-
The next morning, he found himself staring at Steve.
He had put shorts on, and even a chunky cardigan while he made breakfast, but Jonathan knew.
“Can I, can I talk to you about something?” Steve smiled brightly at him. “I, um, I noticed you coming out here last night.” Steve just nodded, a look of recognition in his eyes.
“You wondering about panties?”
“Um, yeah.” Steve shrugged. “I just like ‘em. And it’s not like, a sexual thing. Sometimes they make me feel sexy, but that’s not what it’s about. I just like them. Have a lot of women’s thing.”
“What about them do you like?” Steve shrugged again.
“It’s hard to describe. I’ve never felt like, super masculine. Like, big macho tough guy, I wanna hunt and never talk about my feelings.” Steve put on a stupid-sounding deep voice for his macho man. “And I mean, not all men are like that, but that’s kind of how you’re expected to be. And women are expected to be pretty and delicate, and I’ve always related to that more. Women’s clothes help me feel that way.”
“I’ve, um, I’ve always felt that too. Not necessarily the kinda, pretty and delicate part, but the, not feeling connected to masculinity and like, what’s expected from you.” Steve set down a plate of eggs and bacon in front of Jonathan, putting one down for himself as well, and one in Billy’s empty space.
“Hold that thought, I’m gonna grab Billy. He doesn’t like it when I yell for him.” Steve patted him on the arm, and was gone for a few minutes before he returned with Billy in tow.  “Okay, Jonathan. Please continue.”
“Well, not much to say. I feel like my dad kinda always shoved that like, macho man shit on me. Would take me hunting and stuff and I just never liked it.”
“Jesus, mine did that shit too. Not with hunting, but he was all about men having their place, and women having their place.” Billy took an aggressive bite of his bacon.
“Mine was too! I got sad once when I shot a rabbit, and he called me a pussy for like, a week.”
“When my dad was layin’ into me, if he ever saw my cry, it would just get that much worse.” They were nodding at one another, trading shitty dad stories back and forth. “He would like, get mad if I helped my mom cook and shit, too.”
“God, it’s like we had the fuckin’ same dad.” Billy raised his mug at Jonathan. “It’s hard to break outta that shit, even though he’s not in your life, anymore.”
“I think so, too. I haven;t seen him in years, but every time I do something he would’ve thought was too soft, I can still hear him in my head. And you know, that’s one of the things I like about Nancy. She’s really hard, and tough, and never expected me to be that way.” And he knows that in the end, Nancy was bad news for him, not being able to love and accept him, but that aspect of their relationship was so nice, so easy.
“There doesn’t always have to be both. I mean, Steve’s more outwardly soft, but we’re both real mushy at our cores. There doesn’t have to be a big tough one and a sweet soft one. Sometimes you have elements of both and you make it work.”
“You just have to find the balance within yourself, I think. And learn to embrace the parts of you that are soft and the parts that are hard.” Jonathan was nodding vigorously at Steve. “And it’s always different. I love getting to feel soft and pretty in a dress or something, whereas Billy finds ways to be soft by taking care of things, like me and all the plants.”
“Do you think, do you think you could help me? Find that, I mean.”
“Of course! Just think of the things you already feel, things that feel right when you do them, and that’s a good starting point. And maybe that’s your photography, and maybe it’s something else.”
So they let Jonathan experiment with things to find his softness.
He would help Billy tend to the fucking garden they had on the balcony, or bake with Steve. He took a million pictures, and Steve was thriving under the camera, would put on make up and something pretty and pose around the apartment.
It was just nice.
Getting to live with these two, and train himself not to be ashamed, it was nice.
Will would come and visit quite often, and he and Jonathan spent a wonderful Saturday evening coming out to each other, and validating the ever loving shit out of one another.
Billy and Steve came home to the two brothers hugging one another on the couch and trying to hold back tears.
Steve had inserted himself into the hug while Billy patted each one of them on the head and started making dinner.
But he figured of course this would happen.
His perfect little cocoon would crumble apart at some point.
Will had come over, and Steve and Billy had gone out to dinner together, leaving the two of them to order pizza and have a movie night.
It was great, hanging out with his brother like when they were little, not a fucking care in the world.
There was a knock at the door.
“Jon, it’s me. It’s Nancy. Can we talk” Jonathan’s heart stuttered to a halt in his chest.
Will was staring at the door like maybe he could set it on fire if he glared hard enough.
Jonathan sighed, opening the door to face his fate.
“Are you seriously still mad at me?”
“Yes.” She huffed.
“C’mon. Come back home.”
“Nancy, I can’t. Not if you’re not going to respect me.”
“We were fine. I don’t know why we can’t just go back to the way we were-”
“Because I was forcing myself to do things I was uncomfortable with just to make you happy.”
“Relationships are compromise, Jonathan.”
“I know that, but when I brought up to you what wasn’t working, you refused to listen. I was the only one forfeiting my boundaries and comfort in that relationship, and I deserve more.” She rolled her eyes.
“Jesus Christ, Jonathan, this is-” Will was shoving Jonathan back, stepping between the two.
“Nancy, he’s done talking to you about this. Unless you can respect that he doesn’t always feel that way, then move the fuck on.” He slammed the door right in her face. “You don’t need her.”
Jonathan was gobsmacked. Will had never spoken to anyone like that, at least not that Jonathan’s every seen.
“Why did you...?” He trailed off, still staring at the door.
“She was pissing me off. You’re right. You compromised everything in that relationship and she couldn’t even give you the bare minimum.”
Jonathan swept Will up, hugging him as tight as he possibly could.
“Thank you.”
“You deserve better than her.”
“Yeah, I do.”
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fairycosmos · 3 years ago
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oh my god I feel you so much I'm in England too and from the start of August to October this year I was so unwell, my throat felt so swollen I felt like I couldn't breathe, I felt weak all the time I completely lost all appetite, I had the worst headaches and earaches and my GP literally did absolutely nothing, the most they did is ask me to send a picture of my throat and then they never got back to me.. ended up changing to a different GP, called up n told them my symptoms and immediately the lady was like "oh that sounds just like tonsillitis I'll write a prescription for you now you can collect it this afternoon!" like ????? 3 fucking months and it was that easy??????? a week later I was totally healthy again what the fuck
goddd!! it’s the most infuriating thing in the universe like you were literally living with debilitating symptoms that could’ve been sorted in a week if they had just listened to you ugh. it’s ridiculous. you have to advocate for yourself tirelessly for even a fraction of medical attention :/ it really sends me spiralling. im so sorry you went through all that and im glad you’re feeling better love. i hope ur new gp is better at their job. ive been meaning to switch for years bc mine is known to be awful and that’s partially why it took me literally a whole year to get sent to the hospital/given a colonoscopy like it’s always such an ordeal. they blame everything on covid too :/
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unseelie-bitch · 4 years ago
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Season 1 Episode 6: A Fanatic Heart [Part Two]
I mean Fara is doing her best to be a good leader but I'm still pretty convinced she's going to die
FakeMusa is doing her best and I support her
Actually fuck OFF Terra you have NO RIGHT to ask that of her, much less EXPECT it
Also just a lil bit of FakeMusa analysis, she is not only feeling her boyfriend dying, but also all of the pain and terror and regret and anger of everyone else in that room. Of fucking COURSE she's going to get overwhelmed
Also also imma say she like, felt the death of her parents or something because that's been a building subplot all series
"He's in pain" ...so you want FakeMusa to feel it instead. Wow real good friendship there, Terra
Also it's bad enough that Terra's asking this, but for her dad, a TEACHER, to ask this of a first year who hasn't even learnt that technique yet, is fucking ridiculous
Called that
Well they kept the Musa Dead Mum plot... and now I'm upset
Don't FUCKING touch her Terra. People shouldn't have to expose their trauma to be allowed to say no - FakeMusa needs a hug but NOT from you. You want to talk about consent issues? Because this whole subplot is a big fucking red flag.
The one thing Fate got right - which I am certain wasn't intentional - is the neurodivergent coding of Musa. Like, the headphones to block out painful or too much stimuli is actually really well done (hence why I think it was an accident)
Sorry was Terra actually unbarricading the door? Sacrifice the many for the few is it, Terra?
Oh shit it JUST wants Bloom
Fara Bloom literally TOLD you they were just after her
I'm actually so mad that FakeMusa is negotiating her personal boundaries due to an adult and her supposed friend bullying a child
Oh Bloom's floating. Okay. We don't have the budget for wings but the fire fairy can float for no apparent reason
FUCK OFF SHE ACTUALLY JUST GOT FIRE WINGS FUCK OFF THAT'S ACTUALLY WORSE THAN NO ONE GETTING THEM OH MY GOD AT LEAST STICK TO YOU OWN SHITTY WRITING RULES
Why are some of them super easy to kill and others take like... a whole thing
Oh shit she can turn them back into people. Right okay, feel like that should have come up sooner
Dowling is such a good mother and I'm so afraid she's going to die. There's way too much time left for nothing else to happen and Rosalind is just rocking about
FARA LOOKS PROUD AND SHOCKED BY HERSELF OH NO I'M SCARED
Sorry Terra that crossed a line. I actively hate you.
Oh Beatrix just fully lied about being an orphan, she has a dad
Oh no he's not her bio dad
So Riven and Dane are villains with Roz now. Right
"Cooler?! I love Tinkerbell!" "Of course you do" good friend banter but I despise Terra now so can someone else have banter with Stella instead?
Aisha you didn't even introduce yourself how would Bloom's parents know who's talking to them
"Bloom transformed" no she fucking didn't she got shitty fire wings that have made me SO ANGRY. That's not a transformation it DOESN'T COUNT
None of you are considering the possibility that the whole "Blood witches" thing was a lie? No? Eveyone just tells the truth all the time always, even Rosalind?? Right okay. I hate this bullshit show
Also you canNOT just throw in a term like "blood witches" in the last fucking episode. That's a fucking joke Weed Boy
Sky is having Sad Boy Hours
Ooh a Sad Boy montage
See Bloom's going to talk with Dowling and I feel like it's going to go badly because NO ONE IS LOOKING FOR ROSALIND
Bloom is finally being open and honest with Dowling and accepting her as a mother figure so she's DEFINATELY going to die. These death flags are waving in my fucking face
BLOOM ASKING FOR A HUG AND FARA'S LITTLE FACE OH MY GOD I'M SCREAMING THIS IS SO SAD AND CUTE
Also from Fara's face: when was the last time she got a hug oh my god
AWWW THIS IS SO SOFT AND SAD
FARA IS FUCKING CRYING OH MY GODDD
That's just not what a figurehead is. You wanted to becime a symbol. There's a rather large and important difference
THE REASON FARA'S UPSET IS BECAUSE SHE DIDN'T WANT TO BE SO UNAPPROCHABLE THAT BLOOM HAD TO ASK FOR A HUG SO UNCERTAINLY OH MY GOD
I'm so angry that she's getting this development now. In the last 20 fucking minutes of the season
SHE BROUGHT THE WHOLE SQUAD BACK HOME LMAO MIKE'S FACE
Stella is so awkward and cute I love her why didn't we get HER FROM THE BEGGINNING
Also if this important conversation happens off screen I will feel robbed
And it's happened off screen. That is bull-fucking-shit
Sad montage of their baby... yikes
Oh the mother is leaving. #NotMyVanessa
This montage is bullshit I wanted a CONVERSATION
Okay but the Winx actually acting like friends is cute
So Riven and Dane went missing the night the school was attacked and no one's seen them and you just... aren't worried about these literal children? What kind of bitch-ass school...
Oh the Solarian army has FINALLY arrived
Stella ain't here lads
Oh fuck OFF Queen Nightlight
You're arresting Silva??
Sorry there is literally NO fucking way Sky's dad is alive. I mean he clearly is and is clearly Beatrix's dad but that makes no sense. Shit writing at it's shittest
Stella's mum is CLEARLY involved in this shady shit
Also what kind of justice system...?
Hello there Bitchboy King
Fara vibing with the freshly burried corpses
Okay Rosalind is here and I'm scared for Fara's safety
Also apparently no one was aware the Burned Ones used to be people. I had assumed that was common knowledge but apparently that was supposed to be a secret reveal at the end that I worked out... so long ago. Come on lads
Also also I'm so scared because Sword Dad is being arrested and now Fara is alone with Rosalind and I feel like Fara is going to get murdered and replaced by Rosalind while Sword Dad is replaced by Sky's Dad
Oh Rosalind knew about the Burned Ones being people
Rosalind is a really good villain but she scares me and also her actress is still shit
The dragonfire is now the "Dragon Flame" and created the Burned Ones. I just. I'm so out of fucks to give
And Bloom has it too. Shook
Of course she risked kids to test Bloom - have you MET this woman she's shady as fuck
Dowling is talking about how she finally saw the light when she stepped out of Rosalind's shadow and clearly this a whole "I've escaped your abuse" thing and I'm so happy for her. And also terrified because she's definately about to die
If I leave this on pause Fara doesn't have to get murdered
And Queen Exposed Wire is in fact a part of the coverup. Shocked
I like that Rosalind is explaining everything. I genuinely do appriciate a good villain monologue
FARA DON'T GET AGGRESSIVE WITH HER SHE'S GOING TO KILL YOU STOP I DON'T WANT YOU TO DIE
DON'T WALK AWAY FROM HER OH MY GOD YOU THREATENED HER THEN TURNED YOUR BACK SHE CAN AND WILL KILL YOU FARA WHY DO YOU THINK SHE'S ABOVE THIS
I'm so fucking upset. She just. Snapped her neck. Lifted her up and murdered her. I'm actually on the verge of tears it was so brutal. I cannot believe they made me care about Fara in the last fucking episode only to KILL HER OFF
Did she just speed-rot Fara's body?? I'm so upset. I'm so fucking upset
And now all the Winx who were actually happy and getting along are coming back to this shitshow
Brian Young is a fucking criminal. Thank fuck that's over
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whentherewerebicycles · 4 years ago
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still grappling! with the tension between wanting to be crystal clear on where I stand, but also: not allowing the easy work of reblogging or reposting the same handful of aesthetic posts to stand in for meaningful engagement. below is was what I ended up saying on Instagram a couple days ago, and it’s v true for Instagram—that really isn’t a place where I communicate with others or process ANYTHING in any meaningful way.
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
it’s a little more complicated for Tumblr, though, because I feel like this actually is a place where I journal, process, work through the things that are on my mind, including major contemporary events that touch all of our lives. I still want to hold to my personal policy of not just endlessly reblogging others’ posts, mostly because for me personally (not speaking for anyone else!) I find that reblogging offers an immediate relief of tension/pressure that makes it feel like I’ve fulfilled my responsibility or something—when obviously I haven’t; I’ve just done the easiest possible thing, with the most infinitesimal effect on the world. when I don’t reblog, that felt pressure/tension doesn’t get resolved, but keeps building—and I think that is useful for me, because it forces me to look for other outlets, other more meaningful ways of channeling that energy.
I didn’t end up protesting yesterday because local Black community leaders called off the official BLM march, due to the shitty ways white protestors behaved at the previous day’s protests. That made me feel weird/bad/tense all day, because a lot of people showed up anyway, and I couldn’t tell if my decision not to go was respecting their request not to go or an easy out that let me avoid a tense situation downtown. I also felt guilt at the idea of facing my students and having to tell them that I hadn’t gone—part of why that Audre Lorde quote about how being brave is maybe motivated by the greater fear of not being brave resonated with me this morning. But I am also trying to remind myself of another Lorde quote I often repeat: “I have no creative use for guilt, yours or my own.” The kind of guilt we stew in, the kind of guilt I spent yesterday fretting over, is uncreative. It goes nowhere; it builds nothing. It is more a concern with how others perceive and judge us than something that propels us into meaningful action. So: away with that guilt.
What can I do? I go back and forth on the performativity of the “I pledge __, will you match me,” in part because goddd money it just signals that some people have readier access to material resources than others. However, as someone who does have access to material resources, it’s an important way to support. I’ve added up all of the money I’ve saved these past three months of lockdown on coffees, drinks, eating out, gym membership, etc. and donated that, and am going to add a budget line for future months to make regular donations to local organizations. I’m also picking up the feminist histories reading project I’d been doing since August but had let lapse in March when everything started shutting down. That reading project centered on trying to understand the historical relationships between Black, Latinx, and White feminist movements, as well as delving more deeply into the life/work of Black feminist writers I’ve taught in the past.
I think the biggest area where I can intervene in my professional life is in the curriculum I develop and teach for next year’s class. During that local histories course I took this spring, I was working on designing lessons + instructional materials to help students better understand the racial and socioeconomic history of our city (and also the often-fraught relationship between university researchers + Black and brown communities). I was going to pick that back up again in July when I start working on the curriculum in earnest, but might begin thinking about it now, as a creative outlet for that felt tension/pressure. I also have a lot of grant $$ to bring people onto campus, so I can begin making a list of community organizations who I could reach out to in July when we’re putting our speaker together. Lots of room there to channel our program funds into supporting Black and other POC community groups.
I had also bought or requested a bunch of books on community-engaged education and was planning to do some casual pedagogy theory reading with a friend this summer, but we talked about it this weekend and I think we will retool that list a bit to focus specifically on antiracist and trauma-informed pedagogy. I am also continuing my longer-term reading projects around mentoring practices, since a lot of that work is implicitly related to antiracist pedagogy even if it also touches on my other areas of interest (mentoring Latinx and other students of color, mentoring women, mentoring first-gen students, etc.).
I’m posting this in part as a way of thinking through next steps, but also as a form of public accountability. I want to be clear that while I’m not going to be reblogging most of the “ways to be an ally” posts (or the various other posts that are repeatedly circulating in the tumblr ecosystem right now), it’s not because I am checked out or indifferent. I’m trying to avoid modes of engagement that, for me personally, feel more like quick-relief-of-White-guilt responses than meaningful action. please know that I am not condemning other people’s use of reblogs as a way of engaging or responding! I just know that—again, for me personally—there are more substantive ways I can channel that energy in my personal and professional life, and I want to push myself to actually do those things instead of getting caught up in the cycle of social media outrage.
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Favorite Things About the New Episode
VIRGIL AND THOMAS IN THE SAME FRAME OH MY GODDD
Virgil is sad about the brown hair and honestly me2
Thomas’ sad little handstand oh.my.goodness
DECEIT-LOGAN WEARING THE WRONG TIEEEeee
“LIES!” “definitely Deceit”
Virgil immediately being like “no deceit why are you here”
DECEIT TAKING NOTES ON HOW TO DO HIS JOB BETTER WHAT A DORKKKK
The fact that they figured out it was deceit so fast - they’re learning!
“bad deceit’ “oh sorry deceit’ DORKK
“He doesn’t like nazis” “THAT CANNOT BE WHERE THE BAR IS!?”
dECEIT actually looking out for thomas’ self interest like whaaa
“standing in the spot of one of my four best friends” PATTON IS SO PURE I CANTT
Patton pushing his glasses up when he says “looks like we’ve got a smart alec over here”
“are you seriously so closed minded to think that everything said by someone you don’t like is automatically untrue” um.... Roman... honeyyy
“Whose underwear is this!?”
Hitch-Coppo-Lucas (Hitchcock, Coppola, and Lucas) oh myGOD
“I would’ve stayed in my room if I knew dad was gonna take us on a guilt trip”
MY BOIS IN THEIR SUITS JESUSCHRISTTTT
Virgil’s tie!!!
“Oh I can do judgy” 
“I can summon anythingg” immediately pulls out butterfingers and IMMEDIATELY DROPS THEM
KNOCKING THE EXTRA BUTTERFINGER OUT OF HIS EAR
“um I broke my gavel”
roman throwing his gavel around like the extra boi he is
Deceits evil laugh I can’tt
“Logan’s not here so let’s act like it”
“I am rubber you are glue whatever you say bounces of me and sticks to you” “CURSES” I AM IN TEARS WHAT THE FFFFF
“well maybe you shouldn’t have been impersonated... did you ever think about that”
ROMAN SWEARING ON A PINOCCHIO VHS TAPE FFFF
“do i? I do. Yes.”
“Yes there’s always room for me” ahem AHEM
IM SORRY IM STILL NOT OVER HOW HOT DECEIT LOOKS IN HIS SUIT
“I don’t feel anything” “of course you don’t” (SAYS THE LIARRRR)
The Left Brain controlling the right side and the Right Brain controlling the LEFT SIDEEEe
“How’s that working out for you” “Hmm. It isn’t”
“45 seconds 46 seconds 47.” TODAY
DECEIT’S LAUGH WHEN THOMAS SAYS HE TAMPERED WITH THE EVIDENCE
Patton throwing a butterfinger at Logan
Virgil’s face whenever Deceit is talking
“the one angry man over there” and then Deceit and Roman flirting over it “I thought you’d like that one”
Also Virgil’s face when Patton questions Logan ohmygod
“Where the truth comes to HANG OUT”
Deceit manipulating Virgil to be a witness... their interactions give me LIFE VIRGIL IS SO ANGRYY
DECEIT CALLING VIRGIL OUT ON NOT SHARING INFORMATION AND I THINK HE’S REFERING TO VIRGIL BEING ONE OF THE DARK SIDES AND SO MANY THEORIESSSSS
“Hi virgil!!!” *waves enthusiastically*
“The one and lonely WHAT Freudian slip...” 
“EASY Really obviosuly muscular and nice... R-O-M-A-N”
“Oh you know I love you” STOP FLIRTING YOU TWOOO
“We get to watch Mary Lee marry Lee merrily and their life becomes a dream!”
“Say you had a stereotypical relationship between a man and a woman” “you lost me” SAME
“Compromiseee?” “VERY GOOD”
DECEIT SAYING SMIRK INSTEAD OF ACTUALLY SMIRKING WHAT A DORKKKKKKK
“Imagine if you will” “done.”
Patton calling Roman the most handsome prince and him being so flattered I’m gonna cry
“sssssssUCK UP” SNAKE BOI BACK AT IT AGAIN
“Let’s get this over with” “Do. Let’s” oh my gosh his voice does things to me....
“No that’s a statement.... Logan that’s a statement right?” “YES THAT’S A STATEMENT”
I’M STILL NOT OVER DECEIT IN HIS SUIT GUYS
Virgil still smiling at Patton’s jokes even when he’s in a situation that makes him really unhappy MY HEARTT
Logan raising his hand to answer a question like freaking Hermione
“What do you know!? “I know NOTHING!”
Patton running around to question himself and then just giving himself a pep talk MY BABYYY
logan encouraging Thomas from the back of the room “Lawyered.” “THAT’s RIGHT!”
“this is a kangaroo court” “Aww I wish! That sounds so much cuter than this mock courtroom where the principles of law and justice are being disregarded!”
CONFIRMING THAT THOMAS IS LITERALLY SITTING ON THE COUCH WITH HIS EYES CLOSED EVERY TIME HE TALKS TO THE SIDES
ROMAN BEING SO GOOD AND UNSELFISH IM SO PROUD OF MY BOIIIII
Deceit losing his shit and getting so flustered and Virgil smirking cuz he’s just so satisfied
“No we do that kind of stuff all the time” “WHOOOO”
“You want that stuff that makes you happy, right?” “DO I” “*sadly* do i?” ROMAN MY BABYYY
Seriously tho Deceit losing his shit is giving me LIFE
“I believe he’s suggesting you beat someone up and rob their unconscious body” “NOOOOOO”
“BUT IT’S LITERALLY IMPOSSIBLE!!!!” 
Deceit jumping out of the way so Logan doesn’t hit him on the way up
everytime my bois are in the same frame I.LOSE.MY.SHIT.
DECEIT’S LOGOOOO “oooh look at the little tongues!”
“Patton that joke was terrible... in a way that was slitherto uncrept of”
Virgil looking so proud of Roman for giving up a dream my SHIPP
“For the love of archamedes I will never intentionally make a pun”
Virgil’s “strong” language
MENTIONING DECEIT’S FRIENDS GIVE ME THE DARK SIDESSSSS.... gimme...
Nuts being described as “protein packed legumes” oh my god
LOGAN SHOVING AN ENCHILADA INTO THOMAS’ FACE
that whole end card honestly with them controlling his arms i can’t
ALSO DECEIT IN HIS SUIT OH MY GODDDDDDD
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wellntruly · 6 years ago
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Babylon Berlin, Second Pass: Episode 14 [S2, Ep 6]
This episode is about two things.
1. Gereon Rath just throwing himself headlong at a whole theatre’s worth of fascist malefactors, and @memory-for-trifles’ commentary on this & More
2. @akahypotheticals & A German Friend’s ideas on Edgar’s backstory, which have utterly compelled and captivated me and is MY NEW GOING THEORY
All of this to come! In these! Der Notizen 16:
guys….I still do not know what happened with this SWIFTLY cut off plot line. lol I just don’t know! I actually sort of dragged the show for this to Jen back when I was first watching the series, because this plot is basically over as soon as it begins and it feels mmmm a little underdone, scripting wise. but Jen was like ja that’s the point, to make you feel like you can’t keep track of everything and at any moment someone might get shot on a sidewalk. and she has a point! this scene DOES make me feel like I’m going out of my mind! and that’s exactly where the show wants me to be, so instead of getting sloppy, it’s doing its job very well.
anyway whatever the heck is supposed to have happened with Katelbach and the engineer, Gereon appears to have just told all of it to Benda immediately, and that is at least the emotional plot line rendered clear: Gereon+Benda 4eva
Seegers, revealing a psychopath’s knack for collecting personal details to later use as weapons: “Ah, the little brother.”
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Gereon sitting down AS FAR AWAY AS POSSIBLE with his staring prey eyes, which is half why this screenshot, the other is please love Benda’s modern art in his office. he’s so stylish, his home? gosh.
“Who are you trying to impress, your brother?” HOW THE FUCK DO YOU KNOW TO NEEDLE ABOUT THIS, MY DUDE. did you like…..bug Elisabeth’s flat so you heard him talking to her that one night in the kitchen? WAIT. wait maybe they DID! Bruno could have done so easy, Gereon came home to find him there talking with Elisabeth one time! and that’s how they would have known he and Katelbach were arranging to meet the engineer! aaahhhh!!
Seegers is now postulating that “vision” is for novelists and lunatics, unexpectedly turning him into the Ben Horne of the show
Gereon is having a super grand time behaving like a little prosecutor here, all that fun where you get to make frowny eyebrows at someone as if you’re confused about some discrepancy in their story when you know EXACTLY why that discrepancy is there and that YOU GOT ‘EM.
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mah boys in a walk ’n talk. they are living in their new Law & Order lifestyle
——their dynamic/energy arrangement is like the decent, Weimar version of Malcolm and Jamie in The Thick Of It/In the Loop, holy f uck. OH MY GODDD it’s like the heavens just fell open on my HEAD. that’s it!! very similar people, peas in a pod who almost function like one person, but one is the older more erudite director and the other the more feral foot soldier, yes yes yesss. running around being good at their shit and causing TROUBLE for people. they’re the polite lawful but still fucking furious Malcom & Jamie of the political police!!!
I mean BENDA EVERY DAY THOUGH
“Where did you unearth this, Rath?” “It literally flew into my arms.” “:D” “:D”
‘nichts’ can kinda function as a general negation, can’t it? it’s been ‘nothing’, and also a sort of ‘not’. Lotte’s “please no!” was “bitte nicht!”
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memory-for-trifles: Herr Rath, your eyebags have eyebags
Gereon is SO stressed out that Charlotte has vanished, his whole gang has been out looking for her and they’re all distressed. (I like to imagine Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are just innocently fond of their unusual girl team-member, unprejudiced souls)
the fucking Dramatics though, Edgar! how long did it take you and Baldie to choreograph this thing where you stand behind him in such a way that he perfectly obscures you and so you can be Revealed when he steps aside. ugh his theatrics are unparalleled.
see this is what’s great about Edgar, because if you’re gonna die at his hands you’ll at least get to be part of a kick ass metaphor. that liquor distributor choked on his lying brother’s literal tongue. a pornographer who made Biblical-themed skin flicks with young boys as cherubs was terrified out of his wits by a murder priest telling him to pray for forgiveness. and working poor Charlotte, grist for the metropolis’ mill, could literally be eaten up by the rich and powerful of the city. how do you like that symbolism, Berlin.
aw Gräf gets to be part of the champagne toast to taking down the Black Reichswehr! tastes sweet
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Emmiiiiii. the loveliest.
‘doch’ is being translated as yes but we already have ja….is this like a specifically countering yes? maybe used like the English “no really”?
intravenously, stoopp
memory-for-trifles: Awww HELL NAW DO NOT SHOOT ANYTHING UP
I hardly noticed when Gereon refers to his “wife”, which is some kind of telling, not sure what!
anyway, do we think the pharmacist is really out on vacation? or did he get threatened for being reluctant to up Gereon’s dose and is hiding? or worse??
last time I was all high key about my dawning realization that this was likely a trick and missed that the Fritz Friend busts out an antisemitic remark about Benda, of fucking course, you fucking Nazi
this plot is so despairing the second time around. I just feel so helpless, somehow compounded by how all Greta had to do was talk to someone else who could have given her a counter narrative, but she’s so isolated!
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aw, I don’t like when he does *this* with his eyebrows :(
so natural did I find it that Helga was a nurse at some point that I didn’t even blink at that
anyway Helga certainly worked in a hospital during the war, which means girl is certainly carting around her own war trauma too
god this stuff is POTENT
hoooollly moly, it’s Dr. Schmidt walking behind him in the tunnel in his mind!! yipes
aaahhhh he turns around and looks TERRIFIED, like he actually saw him in his hallucination!!!! WiLd
*starts singing the Prangertag song* *no there are no words*
“I thought it was a bit over the top, a room with a radio. But now I like it.” aw, Helga? treat your self
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this dreamy, dreamy woman though. your man’s ~medication~ just knocked him entirely out for a full hour, and when he finally wakes up you’re just like oh hey babe, I’m browsing Redfin, what do you think about living near a park
Gereon you are a bad Catholic, you didn’t even know it was Corpus Christi today
but you know what, what BETTER time to go swinging off to just literally throw your body at a coup than when your blood is still humming with barbiturates & heroin on a feast day about the Body of Christ
Benda’s watching Briand like he can defend him through focused attention alone
Gereon’s physicality reminds me of probably no one so much as my college friend Dan (Jen do u agreee). Dan was also a very small man, and built much the same, with this compact yet agile way of moving. both of them give off this impression of being a little rigid in how they hold themselves, up until the moment they’re doing back flips off walls or springing onto coffee tables to do handstands. you’d never describe their movements as loose, and yet they’re so acrobatic. anyway I wonder what would happen if you made Gereon start doing daily stretches.
memory-for-trifles: AHAHAHA he looks like the Nutcracker, where did they find this child-size uniform 😂 wellntruly: The costume department had two choices: realism to the scenario, or fit Volker Bruch in a trim little guard uniform. They chose the CORRECT OPTION.
anyway remember when @chibisashimi referred to this look as “patrolman drag”
memory-for-trifles: No offense but this play seems like it sucks memory-for-trifles: No offense to Mr. Brunch who we know is a graceful man, but he’s running like a friggin’ twit
Alex...I’m laughing
Gereon Rath can really not afford another punch to the face right now, sir, have you seen his face? no thank you!
I’m so glad they made sure to translate the side of this van as reading “Freshly Milked Whole Milk”
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memory-for-trifes: Is it an international law that all actors have to rub their wrists after handcuffs are taken off
“Which side did he say?” he said stage right, keep up rent-a-cop!
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ALRIGHT HERE WE GOOOO!
Last Time, the Origins of My Former Take:
memory-for-trifles: I read something interesting about those Armenian family photos, that the timeline matches up with the Armenian genocide. Someone posited that maybe Edgar Octopus had to flee Armenia, and that possibly that traumatic experience is what made him and Dr. Schmidt cross paths wellntruly: I just literally lowered my hand from my mouth and gazed off into the middle distance in wonder. I love this Armenian history detail. It’s so sad.
BUT THEN, rewatching Episode 13 I suddenly realized that I, a non-German speaker, had no idea how much of an accent Edgar might have, and, VERY SURPRISE, the answer came back: “born-and-bred Berlin. Like ‘there’s no way he moved there’ pure.” 
well HANG ON then....
M then regaled me with MORE:
akahypotheticals: I was originally in the same boat as you, thinking he MUST be an immigrant and they'd do something with the genocide, but after talking to her [akahypothetical’s German friend who revealed Edgar’s pristinely Berliner accent] I'm not so sure. his accent poses an interesting possibility, since according to her everyone else sounds very matched to what they're supposed to be - like lotte is very poor/working class, gereon sounds very generic until he talks to the pharmacist at which point his cologne accent comes out a lot, etc etc
wellntruly: aaaahhhh wait I forgot the pharmacist is also from Cologne!! THAT'S ADORABLE, they get all Cologney together how great wellntruly: BUT YEAH THIS IS FASCINATING. it reeaally feels like it had to have been a choice then. maybe Edgar just tried Super Duper Hard to speak faultless German in order to make inroads in the city..? (maybe beyond what would actually be realistic, when it came down to the actual performance.) I can't come up with a reason for why he would PRETEND to be Armenian, and also why part of that act wouldn't be TO HAVE AN ACCENT.
akahypotheticals: lol well her angle is that the nickname "the armenian" is possibly something the GERMANS gave him, not necessarily something he took for himself. so like he is certainly armenian, but possibly the son of immigrants (as the photos on the walls in the living room would attest to) and he grew up in berlin but was still considered "separate" or "other" (not an unusual state for an immigrant in germany at any time, even now). because so far he hasn't introduced himself that way, and in fact when provided with the chance to give his name he does so very willingly (TONIIIIIII "he's nice, isn't he?" oh honey). so idk, there's a lot of room for speculation but I do think it would be sad if he was someone who DID want to fit in to the nth degree (the hottest spot in the berlin night scene!!!) and is instead continually reminded he Does Not Fit In.
wellntruly: oooo your pal's angle is REALLY GOOD, god, yeah. in retrospect I guess the strongest argument for Edgar being an Armenian refugee is *only* if you happen to know the historical timeline, the largely WWI-concurrent genocide pretty perfectly timed for him to have ended up in Dr. Schmidt's trauma clinic with all the shell shocked soldiers, as we saw. BUT, there are many reasons why someone might be suffering from PTSD, and this accent sure is NOT Armenian....
akahypotheticals: your theory was my theory but then I started wondering about how he ended up at the clinic. a fair number of armenian men avoided the genocide simply by already being enlisted in the russian army, so I was like "what if he was actually on the opposing team because russian was ostensibly supportive of pro-armenian reforms and it all backfired for him????" but my friend was like "eh, he was exactly the right age to be drafted for the german army if he was already living here" so I was like OH WELL THEN because imagine missing out on the destruction of your people because you were already enlisted on the LOSING SIDE of a war for a country that doesn't even like you. LOT OF POSSIBILITIES!!
wellntruly: AAAHHHHHHHH YOUR FRIEND IS SO GOOD THIS ALL FITS. I am super de duper into this and will be proselytizing it to the masses (like 10 people) forthwith. THE ACCENT WAS THE KEY! god I'm glad I ASKED
akahypotheticals: lololol np akahypotheticals: I like it because it's sort of a twist on what seems obvious, and as a sort of hidden minority myself I like the idea of a successful character still perceived as other by everyone else
aannd then we started finding connections between Edgar and various fictional heroes of surrealist WWII novels, but I’ll save you that rabbit hole
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memory-for-trifles: Ok I hate that she’s nekkid, but that blanket is amazing wellntruly: I have such complicated feelings about Charlotte waking up naked in Edgar’s fabulously appointed chambers. Like, you gotta get those frozen clothes off! But it’s icky that some strange men undressed you. Buuutt it’s also kind of a glamorous treat to wake up nude in some gorgeous silken blanket, alone, with a low table of food just for you? I guess as ever I just like Edgar’s brand of villainy the most, if it’s given that one’s gonna villain. He really does a lot with the baseline “be creepy evil.” Edgar: “but suave about it yeah?” memory-for-trifles: “Evil, but make it fashion”
god it’s really such a good spread, how many types of cheeses are on that plate! plus seven separate bowls of various dishes and sauces, a glass of water, a whole pot of tea, an absolute pile of lavash, and of course half a dozen pomegranates. For The ‘Gram.
hahaha she literally has crumbs on her mouth when she turns around, get that nosh girl! god that’s so good, no need to stand on occasion I’m just gonna be SNARFING DOWN thanks.
Edgar sits down first, so now she’s standing over him not the other way around. he’s very good at arranging dynamics how he wants them for a particular moment.
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lol
he must think she’s the most incredible damn liar he’s ever seen, “pretending” not to know all this at first
memory-for-trifles: “is it bad that I’d rather Edgar & Company have the gold than the Black Reichswerh? I mean if I have to choose….  like the generals are gonna use it to buy poison gas and Edgar’s gonna probably just get some more good coats to be sinister in and pay his physician-on-retainer” right??? And like, he turns his enemies into sellable food product, he’s even sustainable! Truly a man ahead of his time. wellntruly: SUSTAINABLE, u kill me
Benda: “Do you realize that you’ve prevented a coup d’état, Inspector?” Gereon:
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awww. he just wants to make you proud.
did they keep Charlotte over another night just 'cause? when Edgar walked in he said “Good evening”, and now it’s definitely morning again, daylight and the streets are drying from the rain the night before
AH yes because that would give him time to spirit Toni over here! having her Berliner Luft dessert for breakfast with Uncle Edgar! god Toni is So Pumped to finally visit Moka Efti, the mysterious place where the sugar cubes come from that Lotte brings her after her nights out. and she gets here and it’s just MORE SUGAR. 
FUCK I forgot how great this is. Edgaaaarrr. so sweet so scary!
memory-for-trifles: Oh Edgar Octopus, you’re a bad man, but I don’t really care
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“sehr, sehr schnell” is the best thing I’ve heard in German all episode and maybe all month. I’ve rewound this three times.
Toni: “You have a cold room??” Edgar: “Of course!” Lotte: “I’M GOING TO MURDER.”
pls tell me “toll” is German youth slang, that Edgar was like yes we always have raspberries and Toni just goes “tight” and Edgar chuckles because this presh urchin is hilarious
Edgar, smiling at Lotte as he says to Toni: “Your sister had a free wish.” ha ha ha, FAE.
memory-for-trifles: In some far-off daydream of mine Charlotte and Toni join the weird gangland and go live at Moka Octopus with Edgar as the world’s strangest crime family. Alex I had not remembered this was your idea originally because I just super agreed so much. CREDIT TO ALEX, for the Concept.
“Thank you, Edgar,” and shakes his hand, she’s so cuuuute
“My pleasure, Toni. Come and visit me again, yeah?” “Only if the automobile collects me.” “But of course. We’ve got your address. :)” 🙂🙃I’M SCREAM. perfect execution on this one, Edgar you criminal genius
damn, moment to remember that Benda fucking outranks Major von Rude-to-Gereon. ugh General Seegers just go to hell, you’re calling someone with an Iron Cross unpatriotic.
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Matthias Brandt does so much acting with the muscles around his eyes, it’s unusual and neat
President von Hindenburg: “Karl! How are the stocks?” oh my god
hahaha, I love that Gereon is confronted suddenly with the President of his country and just glares at him, lookin’ like a ghost
is there no process you have to go through for a presidential pardon? I admit I am not UP TO DATE on how presidential pardons work in 1929 in the Weimar Republic. I don’t even know how that would work in 1929 in my disaster country, lbr
oh poooooor Benda, has to go stand up in front of a crowd and tell the press there’s going to be no news after all, when all he wants to do is just DESPAIR for a moment alone in his office. possibly with Gereon. but NO ONE ELSE.
Malcolm & Jamie are of course perfectly in sync with how frustrated they are
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well at least Wolter’s frustrated too, I GUESS
Babylon Berlin Beblogging Masterpost
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