#what a lifeline during the hiatus

[eowyn1986]

I've been relistening to the stereo shows lately and dear lord, dan just casually saying 'i have that ugh crop top thing that I released for my merch. we need to get you in that phil, just at some point. Either recreationally or in a video'. Like hello??? Sir??? I had fully blocked out that he said that and now im 💀

[thebunnednun]

Whispers of the Heart Dracule Mihawk x Fm! Reader (Part 1)

I could eat this fucking man up with a golden spoon.

Art by @xuchuan25 I hope you don't mind I really love your artwork!

ITS FINALLY GETTING POSTED

You've been Dracule Mihawk's personal maid and housekeeper for what feels like an eternity. Let's cut to the chase – you're a badass, sweetheart. Sexy, cool, and confident, with a reputation that precedes you. Been friends with the stoic man for eons by now.

Everyone knows you or knows of you, and it's not just because you keep Mihawk's castle running like a well-oiled machine.

So what happens when you develop feelings for your old friend and boss?

What does he do when he comes home to find you in his room without your panties?

__________________Chapter 1: Veiled Emotions___________________

You've been Dracule Mihawk's personal maid and housekeeper for what feels like an eternity. Let's cut to the chase – you're a formidable force, with a demeanor that's as captivating as it is commanding. Sexy, cool, and confident, your reputation precedes you wherever you go. It's not just because you keep Mihawk's castle running like a well-oiled machine; it's because you're a legend in your own right.

You and Mihawk share a history that stretches back to the tumultuous days of your youth, when you roamed the seas as a pirate queen. Despite the allure of power and prestige, you turned down an invitation to be a warlord, realizing that it wasn't the path for you. Sure, you could bring anyone to their knees with ease, but you craved something more than mere conquest.

Don’t get it twisted, you could still fight with one arm tied behind your back and you kept a blade on you at all times. But you wanted to live your life and until you figured out what to do, you were on hiatus. You wanted adventure, companionship, and a sense of purpose beyond just being a good pirate. So, you took a pause from piracy, sending your crew back home with ample spoils and staying in touch through letters that serve as a testament to your leadership.

(Who can blame them? Good bosses are hard to come by!~)

As for you, you couldn’t bear the idea of sailing alone aimlessly through the grandline. What would be the point if there was no one there to share it? It would kill your love of adventure and you’d capsize your own ship before that ever happened.

You also saw the way the world was slowly going to shit and just needed a break. Over time, as a favor to your old friend, you began to take over the castle duties while he was out, handling everything from the cleaning to the paperwork with effortless grace.

You’ve been at it for about three years now.

Mihawk was a very particular man and at the same time he wasn’t. Old eagle eyes likes his wine just so and his jackets to be put away according to color. But he won’t play the worlds game on anyone else's terms but his own. That, you both have in common.

As for the warlord incident, your notoriety stemmed from an encounter with the infamous battle ax Morgan. His bruised ego led to a reckless attempt to have you arrested after you turned down his advances and refused to entertain his delusions of an exclusive relationship. Morgan couldn't handle rejection, especially from a woman as striking as you. However, you swiftly dealt with the situation, turning the tables on him in a manner that became the stuff of legends among pirates and marines alike.

In retaliation for his embarrassment, Morgan unleashed a storm of accusations, plastering your face on wanted posters across every marine outpost. Your captivating appearance, with your (H/c) locks and (E/c) eyes, only served to amplify the fervor surrounding your bounty. Despite the chaos that ensued, you stood your ground, refusing to let Morgan's vendetta dictate your fate.

It was during this tumultuous time that Mihawk extended a lifeline, offering you a sanctuary within the walls of his castle.

Having just laid off your crew, this job offered you somewhere to stay and he could provide some sort of protection while you figured things out. All in all, it was a very sweet deal.

But beneath the surface of this professional arrangement, there are tensions simmering tensions of the sexy variety. You've noticed Mihawk's lingering stares when he believes you're not watching, and felt the subtle brush of his touch as you pass each other in the grand halls of his castle.

And yet, despite the undeniable chemistry between you, neither of you has dared to act on your feelings. After all, you're the maid, and he's the master of the castle. But as the days go by and the tension between you reaches its boiling point, you find yourself wondering how much do you and your boss really care for each other?

Whether it's a late-night encounter in the dimly lit corridors of the castle or a trip to the market in the bustling streets of the nearby town, each moment serves as a reminder of the unspoken bond that exists between you. The man could live in silence if he wanted to.

But you would miss that lovely deep voice.

On a crisp morning, as Mihawk made his way through the halls of his castle, he couldn't help but notice you weren't bustling about, but your vibrant laughter was echoing through the corridors. oon, he found himself standing in the doorway of the kitchen, where you were engrossed in the task of sorting through a stack of mail, undoubtedly from your former crew members.

With a pen poised in one hand, you worked with practiced efficiency, your every movement is a testament to your grace. Across from you, a forgotten cup of coffee awaited, a silent companion to your morning routine and some left over pie from last nights dinner.

"[Name], do try to be more discreet with your antics," Mihawk remarked, amusement lacing his tone as he observed your playful demeanor. You turned to face him, a mischievous glint dancing in your eyes as you met his gaze.

"Oh, but where's the fun in that, 'Master' Mihawk?" you retorted, a playful smirk gracing your lips. Today, you were adorned in a cute black top paired with low-rise flared acid wash jeans, the lace crosses on the back pockets adding a touch of sexy to your ensemble.

Your ears sparkled with golden hoops and diamond studs, a testament to your bold sense of style. Around your neck, a delicate chain held a gold and slider cross, a thoughtful gift from Mihawk himself. Your fingers were adorned with an array of rings, each one a testament to your unique personality and taste.

With a touch of sparkly nude eyeshadow and deep pink lip gloss, you exuded an air of effortless beauty. Even your nails, with their French tip design and hints of pink and sage green, spoke to your attention to detail and love for all things glamorous.

Look, you’re an ex-pirate but still a pirate. You like gold, okay!

Mihawk couldn't suppress a subtle eye-roll at your retort, his stoic demeanor momentarily softened by your infectious energy. Despite the playful banter, there lingered a mutual respect in your exchange, a testament to the genuine friendship that had developed between you.

Of course, he certainly didn't allow his thoughts to wander to the sensation of your lips against his skin, despite the tempting notion.

His eyes totally didn’t flick over your lips and wonder what it would have felt like to have your sticky kisses decorate his body.

Instead, he held his typical emotionless expression and took a seat across from you. Looking at the counter he noticed you only had coffee and leftover pie for breakfast.

“Not very hungry, my dear?”

You waved your hand dismissively, eyes glued to the letter before you. “I felt kind’ve sick last night. But don't worry, Perona had a proper breakfast.” You and his young ward had become instant friends when you first arrived. She was happy to have some real company and you even gave her a key to your chambers for emergencies and late night cookies.

Mihawk acknowledged your words with a subtle nod before returning his attention to the newspaper in his hands. It was a habitual gesture that never failed to amuse you, considering his apparent disinterest in the affairs of others. Yet, despite his indifference, he maintained the routine with unwavering consistency.

As his intense gaze bore into your face, you deliberately focused on the task at hand, busying yourself with another letter and the remnants of your pie. Ordinarily, the weight of his stare might have unsettled someone, but you recognized that beneath the facade of the "greatest swordsman in the world" lay a man with his own quirks and idiosyncrasies, much like anyone else.

Spooning another bite of your pie, your cheeks offered a very pleasant rosy glow in the early morning light. When you arrived at Kuraigana Castle, you told Mihawk to ditch the darkness. Straight up refused to live in the depressing atmosphere and threatened to throw out his old dusty ass curtains if he didn’t get his shit together. Mihawk had initially resisted the changes but told you to do as you pleased when you threatened to give him and Shanks matching arms.

(That would be some Naruto and Sasuke shit right there.)

However, he was all the more glad to see your features in the light. You weren’t unbearable to his feelings either. You respected that he needed some shade and allowed the dining room to have a night blend of night. The whole of the castle was like that now with some areas being bright and cheerful and others more dark and deserted. Even Perona gravitated towards the lighter rooms to find you cleaning or simply wanting your attention.

In the quiet moments between your duties, you find yourself reflecting on the depth of your connection with Mihawk. You remember the countless times he's shown you kindness, the way he's trusted you with the inner workings of his castle, and the rare glimpses of vulnerability he's allowed you to see. And as you ponder these memories, you can't help but wonder if there's more to your relationship than meets the eye.

The man truly does value his space. Even when you would bump into old friends like a certain clown he insisted you did not swap addresses for the sake of, "That Blue haired freak," not popping up unannounced. Or how he'd always been close by when you were teenagers and running rampant with a red haired young man. The times where he would escort you to social events only to slip away with you before the party was over. It was him offering you a place to stay after becoming a wanted woman for crimes you did not commit.

Moments where you found yourself bathed in the golden warmth of his eyes.

But just as you begin to contemplate the possibilities, your mind intervenes once again. Flashing you back to a few months ago. It was a frigid winter evening when you found yourself ensconced in the castle's library, surrounded by the flickering glow of candlelight and the comforting scent of weathered tomes. The air hummed with an unspoken tension, each movement you made sending ripples of awareness through the stillness.

Winter was always harsh on you, coming from an island that never really subscribed to the notion of cold weather. You were more built for tropical weather and humid conditions. Where on one side of your island it could be raining and the other could be sunny and dry. You'd never even seen snow before until you set out as a young pirate.

The old castle was too large to light fires in all the rooms, so it made more sense to keep them limited to the common areas like the kitchens, drawing room, your bed chambers, and (of course) the library.

You were laying in the warlords lap, actually. A thick book in his hand and a left over crossword puzzle in yours. Every now and then, he would softly stroke your spine as if you were a freighted cat. You'd taken to curling up like this out of habit and because of your dislike of cold weather.

Mihawk loves personal space but you'd taken to perching on him for years. If you asked to rest your head on his shoulder, he would respond with a soft hum of agreement, though he pretended not to notice as you snuggled closer, seeking the warmth of his embrace.

Even at social gatherings, you had no qualms about stretching out your legs across his lap, feeling his big, strong hands gently resting on them for all to see. And if luck was on your side, he might even share a dance with you, his presence grounding you and filling you with a sense of contentment amidst the chaos of the party.

In a rare moment of vulnerability, Mihawk breaks the silence, his voice a low, husky murmur cutting through the quiet. "You know," he begins, his words carrying a weight of sincerity, "I've always admired your compassion and resilience."

His unexpected admission catches you off guard, your breath hitching momentarily as you process his words. Gathering your composure, you respond in kind, your voice a mere whisper against the backdrop of the library's hushed ambiance. "And I've always admired your grace and composure, Master Mihawk."

For an instant, the air between you crackles with an electric energy, the unspoken truths hanging palpably in the space between you. As if drawn by an invisible force, you sit a little taller, the weight of the moment pressing down upon you. Then, without warning, Mihawk reaches out, his hand enveloping yours in a gentle grasp.

A rush of warmth floods through your veins at his touch, a silent reassurance amidst the quietude of the library. His thumb traces soothing circles on the back of your hand, a gesture both comforting and intimate, before he releases you, returning to his book as if nothing had transpired.

You 'playfully' bit his large thigh over that.

Moments like that with Mihawk were rare but not uncommon somehow. You were always respected by him for your personal strength and reliance. Mihawk respected dedication and honor. You had a multitude of qualities he secretly liked, not that you were fully aware, anyway.

His voice intruded on this memory to snap you back to the present.

"Perhaps it's time we ceased this dance, [Name]," he murmurs, his gaze smoldering with a flicker of desire. "Perhaps it's time we embraced what has lingered between us all this while."

Your heart quickens its pace within your chest as you lock eyes with him, a whirlwind of thoughts cascading through your mind. In that pivotal moment, teetering on the edge of something unknown and exhilarating, you recognize the undeniable bond that binds you to Mihawk—a connection that defies the constraints of social hierarchy and ignites with an intensity that cannot be suppressed.

Or so you envisioned, until he swiftly swipes the last piece of your pie and runs from the kitchens, prompting you to vault over the counter in a spirited attempt to stab his trachea with your fork as he began running down the hallway.

“I HOPE YOU CHOKE ON IT, ASS-EYES!”

Making to the stairs, Mihawk closed his eyes and let out a soft hum before delving into his (your) pie, savoring each bite with a sense of contentment. Your presence offered a refreshing reprieve from the weighty responsibilities that burdened him, your playful banter injecting a lighthearted energy into the morning. You trying to stab him was thought of affectionately, as well.~

What a delightful breakfast it was within the walls of Castle Kuraigana!

Later, as Mihawk retreated to his chambers, a persistent curiosity lingered within him, tugging at the corners of his mind. What was it about you that captivated him so, he wondered? And why did your essence linger in his thoughts long after you had disappeared from his sight?

Lost in contemplation, Mihawk was roused from his reverie by a soft murmur that drifted through the open window, drawing his gaze downwards. There, he spied you and Perona engaged in conversation, your voices carrying on the breeze.

"...and I heard that he's quite taken with someone," Perona remarked mischievously, casting a glance towards the castle. The pair strolled through the tall grass grounds hand in hand, a scene that elicited a faint smile from Mihawk. He could tell from your firm steps that you had decided to go barefoot. Your quirks never failed to amuse him.

In the spring and summer, you had a steadfast refusal to wear anything other than cute heeled sandals or durable tennis shoes. This wasn't just a matter of practicality; it was a reflection of your upbringing on an island where both children and adults embraced the freedom of going barefoot during the hot months. The fact that Mihawk effortlessly recalled these details about you spoke volumes about the depth of his observations, even if he didn't consciously realize it.

Unconsciously, he found himself craning his neck so you may take up his vision.

As Perona guided you through the tall grass, she paused at a patch of wild daisies, prompting a soft chuckle to escape your lips. Your gaze drifted into the distance as you replied, "Well, I suppose we'll just have to wait and see, won't we?"

Mihawk felt a sudden skip in his typically cold heart at your words, a glimmer of hope stirring within him. Could it be that you harbored feelings for him as well? The mere thought sent a rush of warmth through his veins, fueling his resolve to uncover the truth behind your feelings.

With a newfound determination, Mihawk silently vowed to delve deeper into the enigma of your emotions, eager to unravel the mysteries of your heart.

______________________________________________________________

Part 2: Posted Here Part 3: Posted Here

Part 4: Right here baby!~

Part 5 now posted.

The coffee and leftover pie part are a nod to Laufys ,"Let you break my heart again," give it a listen as it goes well with the story.

This is also posted on the a03 account by the same name. A new update post will also be out tomorrow regarding updates and new stories.

Please check out my other works and leave likes and comments, they really help. Drop a follow as well if you please.

Seen you soon my loves!!~ <<33

[caffernnn]

as a folie a deux stan, would you share your thoughts & feelings about the album

A chance to ramble about one of my all-time faves?? ooOOO SAY LESS MY FRIEND ♥️🧸💛

I think Folie finding a place in my heart was a perfect storm — I’m a new fan falling into obsession with FOB during my mid-teens, and they’re starting to get into the hayday of the post-hiatus SR&R era. So of course, I’m looking through wiki pages, poking through fan pages, seeing interviews here and there (doing research for my sophomore year’s mandatory big research essay, and also satisfying my need to Know Everything™️ ), and I start wondering about how hiatus happened. What’s up with Folie? Why is it listed as not being well-received by fans and painful for the band (at that time)?

It becomes this situation where you’re handing 16-year-old me this misfit outcast album, one with bears on the cover (I’m predictable and easy to please shhhh) and an openly experimental vibe set apart from their previous work (more collaborative iirc, the four of them drawing on stuff they were inspired by to try new things). Pair that outcast magnetism (impulse to show love to wounded birds and rejected things) with lyrics that speak to the liminal space I existed in with my own adolescent identity (lyrics speaking to madness in complex dependent relationships, to not knowing yourself, to wanting to know yourself, to wanting to know the world, to trying to figure out morals and love and worth amidst your missteps and lost sense of self and unspeakable depression), and I was sunk. Listened to some YouTube video rip of the full album (or playlists that also included pavlove and lullabye) to fall asleep at night, while showering, really whenever I had a chance in my downtime (since I didn’t have headphones and listened to more of the futct/ioh/sr&r hit singles when with friends). Something about Pete’s devastating lyrical angst and Patrick/Joe/Andy’s artistry and the heavy feelings surrounding the album (from the minor bits the fans/public know about the time and the stories weaved throughout the album) started hitting in a specific way that had me imprinting on Folie and the band like a baby bird. Yeah, I started having that feeling of being understood by music with other bands (MCR, Paramore, P!atD, classic emo trinity stuff) along with some of the more pop punk stuff I was already into (PtV, ATL, you know the era), but for whatever reason, Folie maintained its place as my heart and soul album (along with Soul Punk for PStump-related reasons, but we’re not talking about her right now 🏃🏻‍♀️)

We’d be here all night if I tried to list favorite songs or lyrics, but I can ramble a bit about what hit me most when I started going “oh yeah, this is my album” as a teen:

I mean like, of course, right? “What a Catch, Donnie” is the pinnacle ballad, from all the lyrical callbacks and cameo features to the somber/hopeful music video, plus the interviews out there noting the song as lyrically important to the band. I think you can find stuff from back in that era (‘08-‘09) talking about it as almost a “swan song,” a final message that’s as close as you’ll get to personal convictions in a less-autobiographical album. For me, it felt like a love letter to their past selves in the unstoppable march forward in time. It felt like grief, the kind that comes with change and it’s inevitable losses, but it also felt like hope. Imagine not seeing goodness within you, not recognizing yourself, feeling stranded and pushed by the tides and not sure where you’ll end up. Then, imagine finding a lifeline through hanging on to someone else with the same type of stormy muddled mind, finding them and becoming their looking glass, their mirror, their guide — helping someone apathetic and listless find a spark again after giving up on themselves. It makes you wonder if you’ll find clarity through connection too, if you’ll be saved over and over again by people who see you and make sense of it all, or maybe don’t make it all better/comprehensible but care for you anyway. It became an anthem for me to hang onto my friends and budding new interests to help make me feel whole and keep going at a time where everything felt overwhelming and impossibly complicated (the curse of being 15/16/etc). Something about learning about hiatus, learning about the peaks and valleys of the band, looking at it all while having the fortune of knowing they find their ways back to each other to create more music and memories and get to keep growing together — that was big for me in a way I couldn’t articulate at the time but still felt deeply. We can be lost, but still found; flawed, but still loved. That’s important to hear when you’re stumbling through those early formative years, and important to be reminded of when we stumble through evolving our identities again and again and again.

There’s a lot of nostalgic love for the album now that I’ve held onto it for a decade, but it’s still so fun to revisit and holds up for me amidst all of the new music I listen to now. SM(f)S wriggled it’s way into my heart this past year and sits in there holding onto Folie’s hand, speaking on heavy themes and channeling that same motivation to experiment and create a legacy through music. Getting to see FOB live this year (!!!) playing Folie songs live (!!!!!) and eventually revisiting the whole album throughout the duration of tourdust (!!!!!!!) was an amazing experience, and it’s great to see Folie get her flowers in the many years since her release. Happy 15 years, Folie!! 🩵🐻💙

[junko-and-riri-domain]

jay.

↬ a/n: still on hiatus until the 12th of june, just wanted to post this here

jay is a man with so much passion and has gone through so much effort to get to where he is now that he deserves more recognition than just “the funny one” or “the rich one.” he is such a genuine person and you can tell by how all the other members interact with him in how they tease him and the way he’s patient with them. 

heeseung: hee & jay have been friends for 5 years. you wouldn’t stay friends with someone for so long if they weren’t a good person or if you didn’t feel comfortable with them. it is because of their friendship that hee teased jay that one time about jay’s hair looking like a peach. it was light-hearted and fun between them because that’s what friends do. 

jaeyun: jaeyun voted for jay as the leader of 02z which says a lot on its own. they’re always fooling around with each other. in s1 of enhypen&hi there’s a bug and jake doesn’t hesitate to try and get it off of jay. everyone bursts out laughing, even jay, even though other people would just be like “why did you hit me?” 

sunghoon: sunghoon and jay entered as a unit and they left as the only unit still together. despite sunghoon being an introvert, there are many times when he teases jay. one of them being with the flower crown where jay’s like “i'm allergic to flowers” and sunghoon sort of messes with jay by putting the flower crown in front of him. sunghoon is more himself with jay (and the other members of course) but most likely because of how they were together. even in iland, jay would include sunghoon when he could. 

sunoo: the two go school together and had a vlive. jay gave sunoo a jacket during the beginning stages of enhypen’s formation which is in one of the episodes. even in iland, sunoo asked jay, someone who’s technically an elder, to turn off the lights in the closet. what did jay do? he got up and turned off the lights. it was like a younger brother asking an older brother to do something and jay, being the older brother he is, went ahead and did it. 

jungwon: jay and jungwon’s interactions are constant teasing because jungwon is comfortable enough with jay to act that way. they’re each other’s “lifelines” with a bond you rarely see these days. with jungwon as the leader so young, it’s good that he has someone he can depend on to the extent of calling said person his lifeline. 

riki: jay invited riki to his place when riki had nowhere to go and we can all see how much riki looks up to jay. jay knew and understood japanese in iland but it’s possible, he developed it even more with riki in the group. jay is the one riki goes to when he doesn’t understand something in korean and jay explains it the best that he can. in s2 of enhypen&hi, riki still made the bungeoppang even though jay told him not to. even though jay was “in charge” deep down, riki knew that jay is so nice that he’ll be ok with it. jay didn’t even have to be in the kitchen but he knew that the members would need his help. 

why is jay ok with the constant teasing from the members? because the members are his friends to the extent that they’ve become family. other people would get annoyed, lash out, even yell, but jay doesn’t do those things. he’s kind. he’s patient. he’s humble. he’s incredibly loving and caring. the whole situation with the vlive and an engene saying that the way he was eating was funny? he was showing manners. why? that’s probably how he was taught to eat growing up. 

his pout. the way his eyes light up. his freckles. his laughter. everything about jay is deserving of love. jay is often painted as a tough guy/bad boy but deep down, he’s a softie with a smile that can melt the north and south poles. the jay we see on camera is not just jay, he’s park jongseong. 

❦ written by riri 

[flames-bring-a-ton-of-ash]

Irresistible Danger - Part 59

Synopsis:  After being caught outside the compound on your own, Negan decides to punish you in the best way possible ;)

Words: 4,078

Warnings: nsfw, smut, swearing

ID Masterlist can be found HERE

Masterlist of all my fics can be found HERE

*HIATUS WARNING*

This will be my last chapter update until the end of July or very beginning of August, due to me joining Camp Nano. If people are interested, I can link my nano page HERE if you want to see what progress I make. I haven’t created a Camp project goal yet, but I’ll be adding it soon. 

Clearing the Board

You stared at Negan in shock for a long moment, your brain’s frantic whirring grinding to a screeching halt as the subconscious watched with mouth so agape that the gum it had been chewing fell unnoticed to the floor. 

Had he been thinking the same questions as you the entire dinner? Part of you wanted to bolt, terrified to know what was on his mind. Was this where he pulled the rug out from under you and said things were getting too cozy, that he wanted to back track? Did he want to go back to his wives? Or maybe he wanted to try and make you into another one of them? 

Breathe. Just breathe and see what he has to say, before you start hyperventilating. 

Clearing your throat and licking suddenly dry lips, you hoarsely said, “Uh...yeah...we do.” 

As if this was the permission he was waiting for, he gave a curt nod and started talking. He was so focused and straight to the point that you wondered if he had rehearsed this prior to you showing up. If so, he had done a much better job of preparing than you had. 

“I wanted to apologize for last night. Not just for the way I attacked you, though I do fucking apologize for that, but for how I acted after.”

At this, he paused and ran a hand slowly down over his mouth and beard, and you realized how difficult this conversation was for him, how much he still struggled to be open and honest and sincere with another human when he’d had to learn the hard way to be tough and mean and impenetrable. It made you feel validated regarding your own struggles, as well as grateful that both of you were stepping outside your comfort zones and trying to communicate. 

“Doll, there’s just some shit that I don’t like to fucking relive. It has to happen, whether I fucking want it to or not, and once it’s done, it’s done. I don’t always want to rehash events, or talk about how I feel, because the answer is probably that I feel like fucking horse shit. It’s nothing personal against you, it’s just me wanting to fucking move on. The same way you told me the other night that I gotta trust you not to always give me all the fucking details? Well, same goes when the shoe’s on the other fucking foot.”

You sat there and took this in, brain having pulled out a tablet to take frantic notes, and subconscious still staring in shock with its foot unknowingly stepping right in the middle of the dropped gum wad. Of all the ways for tonight’s conversation to go, no part of you had expected Negan to not only take the lead, but go in the correct direction needed to pulverize one of the newly-created questions you had thrown into the padlocked box. 

Once he said the words out loud, it did make a lot of sense. You had seen it as wanting to connect with him and support him, if he would just explain what had happened on the run to upset him. However, some things might be better left unsaid, so as not to make the person relive the events and the emotions tied to them. What you had seen as him shutting you down was actually him trying to move on from unsavory events (and actions he’d had to complete in his role as leader). Add to that his comparison to your conversation the other night, where you had expected him to be okay with you not giving all details about certain events, and you couldn’t believe how much you had blown his recent actions out of proportion.

You had been quiet for a few long moments, during which he was watching you closely. He tried to make his expression neutral, but the unnatural stillness of his tensed body and the focused intensity of his hazel gaze gave away how much weight he was putting on what your response might be.

 Picking your words carefully, you broke the silence. “Thank you for explaining that, because I did wonder why you turned down my offer to talk last night. I respect your right to not tell me everything about what you have to do in order to keep control of the Sanctuary and other communities. However,” you held his gaze, making sure he saw your sincerity. “I want you to know that I’m always here for when and if you do want to talk about it. Any of it.” 

He was unresponsive for a few seconds, as if the tables had turned and now he was the one a bit surprised at how calm and clearly you had voiced your agreement. Then, a soft smile broke across his face, and he said, “I know you are, doll.”

You gave a small smile, beyond relieved to have that topic discussed and out of the way. Your brain was proud of the two of you for talking it out, while the subconscious was preoccupied with cursing and hopping around on one foot while frantically trying to use a stick to scrape the smeared gum off the bottom of its shoe. Like it, you now flailed about for how to move on to other concerns. The door of communication had been opened, and you didn’t want him to slam it shut now that the thing he’d wanted to get off his chest was done. 

“There’s some other things I think we need to talk about,” you said. When his eyebrows raised in a nonverbal for you to continue, you started nervously fidgeting with your dinner napkin.

Shit, where did you even start? How to accurately say what you were thinking and feeling about this relationship with him. He had obviously noticed you pulling back that day in the woods, and while you had been quick to start blurting your feelings when in a post-orgasmic haze, the words now stuck in your throat and refused to come out. 

That ball of self-doubt was creeping in, telling you to shut the box back up and get out of there. It whispered how maybe now that Negan had fucked you, the “game” was almost over and he wouldn’t be as interested. That the moment you started placing expectations on the two of you, he’d tell you to leave his rooms and not come back. 

Looking down at the napkin, which was now twisted and crumpled from anxious hands, you tossed it down on the table and abruptly stood up, unable to continue the farce of sitting still. You pushed the chair into the table and stood there for a few seconds before giving a frustrated groan and pacing over to his armoire and back. 

It was quite the role reversal, you pacing back and forth while he sat there, silently watching. Your hands gestured wildly in front of you, as if trying to act out what you couldn’t say. You started to talk a few times, but it came out as a sputter of nothingness, causing you to pace back and forth yet again. After a couple rounds of this, you finally stopped behind the dinner chair, hands gripping the back of it until your knuckles turned white. The two of you stared at one another, his forehead furrowed in concern at your mini meltdown.

“Doll,” he said, voice low and calming. “Tell me.” 

Just say it. Tell him you’ve fallen for him. 

But you couldn’t. The emotions were right there, but it didn’t feel right to just blurt them out. Three little words that some people tossed around like pennies, and you couldn’t say them when it mattered. 

You looked at him desperately, willing him to throw a lifeline and take back over the conversation, to tell you to forget it and act like this moment had never happened. Instead, he finally moved into action, standing from his own chair and rounding the small table to stand in front of you. 

He didn’t reach out, didn’t try to hold you, as if he knew that the slightest touch would cause your taut as a bowstring form to burst into a million pieces. His hands instead clenched at his sides in a nonverbal show of restraint. He knew that whatever you were struggling with was important, while at the same time realizing he couldn’t force it, and that the direction of the conversation depended entirely on you. 

“Tell me what’s wrong.” 

There was more authority to his tone this time, but it was the slight hint of worry making it go up in pitch at the end that propelled your own voice to finally get its shit together and start working. 

“There’s nothing wrong, I just…I don’t know how to say it.”

“Fucking say what? You’re killing me here, doll.” 

You looked at him, took in this strong and seemingly impenetrable, yet surprisingly caring and passionate man who had shattered all of the emotional defenses you had strategically built in order to keep yourself safe. And suddenly, you knew exactly how to tell him in a way that he, and only he, would understand. 

“Remember when you said that the game is over when the king is captured?”

Surprise flickered in his gaze, as he obviously wasn’t expecting that to come out of your mouth. However, he quickly caught up, giving a curt nod. 

“I know technically the queen is expendable, and the game can continue on without her, but-” voice cracking a bit, you paused to take a deep breath before continuing. “What the hell does one do when the opposite happens?” 

You saw the moment the realization hit, making him go completely still. Saw the moment he pieced everything together but still held back, as if afraid maybe he was misinterpreting it. 

His face looked wrecked when he husked, “What are you saying, doll?”

Emotion welled in your eyes as you verbally let go, whispering the confession that had been held in for long enough. 

“The king’s captured me.”

He broke the physical distance then, his eyes bright with emotion as he wrapped one arm around your waist and cupped your face with a warm palm. Leaning down, he placed a kiss on your lips that was so soft and gentle you almost wanted to cry. When he lifted his head, you felt overwhelmed by the adoration in his gaze, but that was nothing compared to the words he then spoke.

“Well doll, I’d say that’s only fucking fair, since the queen’s captured me too.”

Shock coursed through you, followed by a rush of emotion so strong it would’ve knocked you on your ass if he wasn’t there to clutch onto. 

He feels the same! Holy fuck, not only did he understand, but he also feels the same!

The two of you kissed again, long and slow, until your surroundings faded away and there was only him. It could’ve been mere moments or long minutes before your lips parted from his, as time currently had no meaning outside the count of his breaths on your face and beat of his heart under your palm flattened on his chest. 

You felt dizzyingly happy, and the padlocked box was tons of pounds lighter. However, there were still a few spiky balls of questions sitting in the bottom of it, and it was time to empty them out. All of them. 

“So,” you said, fingers tracing up over his exposed collarbone and strong throat. “What happens next, after the king and queen capture each other?”

Giving a much softer version of his usual devilish smirk, he replied, “They lay down their weapons, recall their fucking armies, and rule the board together.” 

Grinning like a fool at that, you wound your arms up around his neck and murmured hesitantly, “So what does that mean for the others? What does the king do with the five of them?”

Once again, the metaphor was not lost on him, and you felt the slightest stiffening of his body against yours as he pulled his lips from where they had been tracing along your ear lobe and looked down at you. 

Shit, did you go too far? Maybe you should’ve just stopped while you were ahead and not crossed into that topic of conversation just yet…

“What do you want me to do with them, doll?” 

You definitely weren’t expecting that as a response, as shown by your staring blankly up at him for a few seconds before saying, “Isn’t that your choice?”

He gave an amused tsk of disapproval. “No, that’s not how it works when we both rule the board. Each partner gets a say, and then we figure it out together.”

Did he just...call you… “Is that what I am?” you asked, heart inflating like a bubble at the possibility. 

“I mean, we can stick with just calling you my queen, if that’s what you want, but I think partner also has a nice fucking ring to it.” 

His partner. Not his wife, or girlfriend. Partner. 

Stretching up to give him a kiss of approval, you said, “Partner is perfect.” 

Deciding to go all in, you added, “And I only want you, no one else. I want you to be the person I snuggle up against each night, and the one whose bed I wake up in each morning knowing that I belong there. I want to walk proudly beside you and know that you’re mine, as much as I’m yours.” You hesitated, a small dart of worry at the brutally honest words making you feel the need to ask, “But what do you want?”

The playful light was back in his eyes, that sinful tongue running over his bottom lip. “I thought I already made that fucking obvious, doll. But if I didn’t, then listen very closely.” 

His lips traced over your face, leaving butterfly kisses on your cheeks and nose and forehead as he spoke the words. “I want you. Fucking simple as that. I’ve wanted you, and only you, since the day you fucking kicked my ass at chess.” 

This was technically information you already knew, thanks to Trixie, but hearing it from him made it that much more real. It was as if even though all the signs were there, you still didn’t want to fully believe you were the reason for his change in behavior with the wives, not until he confirmed it himself. 

Trying to add a bit of lightness, you hummed in pleasure at his lips kissing the sensitive spot on the curve of your neck and quipped, “Who knew all it would take was a game of chess for me to stand out.”

Giving a huffed laugh, he said against your skin, “If you think that’s the only way you fucking stand out, you’re even more oblivious then I fucking thought.” 

“Hey! Are you telling me I’m weird or something?” you laughed, playfully tugging at his hair so that he raised his head to look at you. 

“Wellllll…” he joked, smiling broadly before his expression got a bit more serious. “In all honesty, doll, I’ve respected the hell out of you since the moment you arrived here.”

Eyebrows raising, you said, “Oh? Do go on.”

His eyes danced with mirth, but his words were uncharacteristically sincere. “Despite being scared shitless when my men first found your little group, you never fully submitted or lost your fight. You marched right into the Sanctuary like you were gonna own the whole fucking place, or at least own the kitchen, which you did in a ridiculously short amount of fucking time, I might add. I felt like a fool for asking you to be another wife and expecting you’d be happy just sitting around looking pretty.”

You gave a haughty grin, but let him continue, knowing that confessions such as this were few and far between with Negan. And you were going to soak in every affectionate word like a desert does the rain, because as much as the actions and nonverbals fed your heart, his words were what now fed your soul. 

“I knew you’d be trouble the the first time I walked in the kitchen to check on things and you refused to fucking kneel with the others, staring me down in a way that said you were demanding to be treated at my equal, and just daring me to try and fucking do something about it. It was that same daring each time we were alone that drew me in like fucking catnip, and while the smart thing would’ve been to stay away, when I found you out in the fucking woods about to be walker chow and totally going against my orders, it gave me the perfect opportunity to force you closer. I knew I should stop sending for you, stop finding reasons to visit the kitchen or order you to bring me trays, but damn doll, you were too fucking exciting to walk away from.

“The day you beat me at chess, you were so fucking proud of yourself, and I realized that instead of being pissed, I was proud of you too. I knew I had a spitfire on my hands, and damn if that didn’t make my dick hard.” His voice lowered a bit, so that you held your breath in order not to miss a single word. “But it wasn’t until that first outing together in the woods, when you killed that walker and saved my fucking hide, that I realized I was done for. That I might as well throw down my crown because the king had been captured, and the game was over.”

You thought back to that day, to the kiss and the look in his eyes afterward. Had you known back then? Possibly, but you never would’ve admitted it to yourself, not at that point. You felt a lump start to form in your throat, eyes blinking rapidly in an effort not to tear up. And you would have succeeded, damn it, if not for his next words.

“I tried to fight it, to fight you. Hell I almost got you fucking killed by chasing you out of here, and all because of my own fucking stubborn pride. I’d never hated myself as much as I did in that moment, when we found you lying injured in the fucking woods. I’ve loved and lost, more than any man should, but...the thought of losing you was what almost ruined me.”

Tears trickled down your cheeks in cool rivulets. “Why didn’t you tell me?” you whispered. Hell, if you had known all of this a bit earlier, maybe you wouldn’t have hesitated to talk things out. Wouldn’t have held back as much as you did. 

Giving a self-deprecating smile, he said, “Because I’m a fucking idiot. But also because every time I considered it, you’d fucking pull away. I would’ve claimed you publicly as mine weeks ago, but you about had a god damn heart attack anytime there was a chance someone might see us getting fucking cozy together. I could practically hear the fears and doubts whirring around in your head the last few days, so I took the coward’s way out and tried to halt those thoughts by repeatedly fucking you any chance I got, until you were too exhausted to overthink.” 

He had meant the words to make you laugh, but instead you suddenly felt overwhelmed. Your stupid eyes wouldn’t stop watering, and if you weren’t careful your nose would start clogging up too. You had always been jealous as hell of women who could cry prettily, because you definitely weren’t one of them. 

You tried to school your features, tried to put on at least a thin mask of “I’m fine, totally fine” but more tears followed by a hiccuped sob escaping your lips said otherwise. You unwrapped your arms from his neck in order to press a hand to your mouth in an effort to try and stifle the emotions leaking out. 

“No,” he said, stern enough to jolt you out of the overanalyzing spiral your brain wanted to jump down. 

Pulling your hand away from your mouth with a gentle but firm grip, he clasped it between his own hands. “Don’t do that.”

“Do what?” you asked. 

Lifting one hand, he used his thumb to brush away the tear sitting stubbornly on the middle of your cheek. “Don’t do what you did last time. Don’t hide from me again.” 

Sighing, you nodded in agreement. “Fine, but it would be nice if one of these times it was you crying and not me.” 

Humor was a mask of its own, one both of you used to cover up emotions. However, since you were standing there with red-rimmed eyes and he had just verbally confessed his emotions more in the last few minutes than he probably had during the rest of the apocalypse combined, you both deserved a bit of humor. 

“The day that happens, I might as well just chop off my dick and fucking hand that over as well,” he joked back, causing you to smile and shove at him playfully. 

Giving an exasperated sigh, you said “I can’t believe I’ve been so dumb about all of this, thinking...well, assuming totally incorrect things. Guess that’s what I get for not trying to just talk it out.” 

He gave you a mock-stern expression and said, “Well, then let this be a fucking lesson.” He used two fingers to point at your eyes and then at his own, and back to yours. “Partners, remember.”

God, you loved the way that word rolled off his tongue. It was exactly what you had always secretly hoped to find with a man: an equal partnership. Sure, Negan was still the leader of the Sanctuary and had the role of badass motherfucker to uphold, but at the heart of things you stood on equal ground, and your thoughts and feelings and opinions mattered just as much as his own. Not to mention, you would dare him to deny that you were the leader of the kitchen staff. And hey, there was a lot of power in being the one in charge of making sure the entire community was fed. And the fact that he didn’t want to take any of that away from you, that he was proud of your accomplishments, made you fall for him even more. 

“Partners,” you agreed with a nod, running a hand up over his chest. Fingers traced his strong, masculine features before running up into his hair to map the streaks of salt among the pepper. 

Eyes brightening with desire, he stared with laser focus down at your mouth, his nostrils flaring as he watched your teeth subconsciously nibble on your lower lip as you took in this handsome man who was yours. All yours. Seeing the intent in his gaze and knowing where this was about to go by the sudden tensing of his muscles for action, you pressed your other hand against his chest lightly and said, “Wait, one more thing. I have a request.”

“Name it,” he said without hesitation.

“Um...this might seem a bit random, but is there any way you could bump Simon up to having a single room?” When Negan looked at you in slight bewilderment, you continued, “That way Ben can visit whenever he wants.”

His brows lowered, and you were afraid he was going to dismiss the issue as not important, so you pressed on. “In all honesty, it was Ben’s insistence that I be honest and talk things out with you that helped push me to say what I did tonight. I kinda owe him.”

The unspoken words were that Negan kinda owed him too, and his scowl said that he heard them loud and clear. With a slight huff, he grumbled, “I’ll see what I can fucking do.”

Giving a wide smile, you stood up on tiptoe and planted a very grateful kiss on his lips, with tongue included. Pulling back a bit, you whispered against his mouth, “I’d love to see what you can fucking do.”

At that, he scooped you up into his arms with a growl and strode into the bedroom, where he then proceeded to spend a good portion of the night showing you just how thoroughly captured the king really was.

~  ~  ~  ~  ~  ~  ~  ~  ~

Extra Author’s Note: Holy crap, was I nervous af to post this chapter. I feel like so much has been building to this conversation between You and Negan, and I wasn’t sure how readers were going to feel about it. I know some people were expecting more drama and angst, especially since this is about the time that romance novels usually throw in the so-called “third act conflict”. However, I personally find it pretty annoying when that conflict is some form of unneeded miscommunication or lack of communication, followed by the characters being apart for a period of time and then coming back together in one grand gesture before bam, an abrupt ending where you’re to expect them to live happily ever after with no more issues. 

Instead, I had You and Negan do that earlier in the fic, with the “Confrontation” chapter where they royally fucked up and had to stumble their way back together, followed later by the pregnancy test argument where they started to fuck up but then both broke their unhealthy fight cycle (You did this by walking away and Negan did it by going after her and deciding to actually listen). And now, with this chapter I wanted to showcase their growth and how they’ve learned enough from past mistakes to move forward. Some people might see this chapter as too fluffy, but I saw it as a way to show two grown ass adults finally laying down their emotional shields and communicating in an open and healthy manner. At this point, I thought Negan and You deserved that, and I hope y’all agree. 

Whether you loved it, hated it, didn’t care, all of the above, etc, please feel free to let me know. I’m so so curious to hear what people thought of this chapter, and if what I was hoping to showcase came across in a satisfying way. Thanks for reading! I’ll be back with more updates after Camp Nano! <3

[blackbird-brewster]

B:  What was the first fandom you read fic in?  Which was the first you wrote fic for?

E: What character do you identify with most?  Is there a certain fic of yours that captures these qualities particularly well?

R: Which writers (fanfic or otherwise) do you consider the biggest influence on you and your writing?

V: Are there certain comments you’ve received on your stories that have stuck with you?

Hi! Thanks for the ask!!

B: My first fandom I read fic for was X-Files when I was a tween! Live Journal was still in beta and I found fandom community for the first time. It helped me see there were more people out there like me (nerdy and queer), which was a lifeline when I was growing up a small rural town in the US south.

My first fandom I wrote for was ‘Bones’! It was during the writers’ strike in 2007, I decided that while shows were on hiatus, I’d write my own stories. The fic is an extremely smutty Brennan/Angela fic and I recently re-read it and let me tell you — it’s so clear I wrote it when I was 18.

E: My always forever character is Emily Prentiss (Criminal Minds). I think I’ve always felt a connection to her because she was forced to grow up too quickly and her trauma has guided her decisions a lot. She also is infamous for compartmentalising instead of talking about her feelings, which is just a mood.

I have a lot of fics that really delve into her character but some of my faves off the top of my head

[The Valhalla Arc] - Character Study

[Ashes and Wine]

[If You Ask Me To]

[Is There Somewhere]

R: My hugest inspiration that pushed me into writing Jemily is [MJ Duncan]. I also couldn’t do all I do without the help and support and screaming texts from my bff [Phoenix_Falls]

My biggest non-fic author insp is actually Shonda Rhymes! When I write angst I always use the tag ‘Write Like Shonda Kill Everyone You Love’ — that says a lot about me, I think.

V: My fave comments are usually just keyboard smash comments, tbrh. But the entire reason I came out a 7 year retirement was because someone left a comment on the 2007 Bones fic and it was an awakening to realise all the stuff I had written is STILL getting read. The comment led to me going back and reading my old fics which made me go ‘I miss writing….’ And now I’ve written over 150k words (19 works!) since mid-July lol

Here are some other comments that I loved:

“Heartbreaking really isnt the right word. Gut wrenching and soul destroying work well but the pure ANGST of this is incredible. 10 000 kudos 2 u.” [She Used to Be Mine]

“This was so cute and delightful that my depression was cured for five minutes” [Lucky Mistake]

“I just want to say that you did not have to hurt us like that😭That ending did not make me feel good and I'm going to go be hurt elsewhere now because this has brought about emotional instability. Brilliant, but painful.” [All You Never Say]

Thanks so much for the ask!!

[mihidecet]

Sbi&co: D&D AU: It begins

I’m back from hiatus yall!!! Ever so sorry for the wait, and thank you all so very much for your patience and kindness <3 Updates should go back to the regular schedule now! Hope you’ll enjoy!!

Also! This is an early birthday present for the lovely Lando @whatimevendoinhere​ ! Without them this AU wouldn’t exist, so make sure to check out their STUNNING art and go wish them a happy birthday tomorrow!!

There's a rhythmic tapping coming from Scott's right as he looks through his spellbook for one last time. 

His right hand man, the head of his guards - of the stationed ones, at least the only guards existing formally - huffs out fondly, rolling his eyes as Scott's hand gently shuts the tome closed. He sticks his tongue out at the shorter man, prompting a chuckle out of him; after all they both know he doesn't need to freshen up his memory regarding this spell, it is simply tradition. 

Almost a century has passed since the first event, he's not going to stop now.

The opening ceremony has always been a big deal: it sets up the mood for the first few weeks of the tournament, and it involves him having to talk in front of a whole stadium of people, which is as fun as it is anxiety inducing. 

It also involves introducing and showing off each participant, which is always entertaining; many crowd-favourites get chosen during these short moments, so it will be interesting to see what will come about. A handful of names jump to his mind, especially knowing what he’s discovered thanks to a cautious bit of espionage, but he’s still unsure of how much each contestant will try to focus on pleasing the people or on actually winning the games. 

Scott doesn't mind crowds that much, but he is still glad that Jordan will be next to him; the seasoned human has always been a friend, and he knows he can rely on him no matter what - it wouldn't be the first time somebody tried something during the opening ceremony, but it would certainly be for the best if nothing were to happen. 

According to his hidden right hand man, nothing out of the ordinary should be taking place, which is why Scott takes one last deep breath before exiting the soundless bubble they were standing in, stepping out on the balcony overlooking the main stadium and into the chaos of the roaring crowd beneath him.

Wilbur will never have enough of the cacophony of a crammed full stadium. 

There is nothing quite like it, and ever since he got a taste the day before, during the opening ceremony for the tournament, he doesn't think he'll ever be able to live without it. As they walk into the sunlight, moving away from the shadows of the tunnel that they had to traverse in order to get to the main combat area, the cheers rise, louder and louder, edged on by the unnaturally loud voices of the mages that will present the participants. 

A shadow shifts in his peripheral - Techno, advancing towards a good hiding spot behind one of the tall rocks that are scattered around the stadium - and he lets out a small chuckle, fixing his grip on his guitar as a bodiless voice calls out the fake names they had submitted in order to attract less attention. 

Wil reaches the center of the stage in a series of quick determined steps, then stops and turns around with a flourish, strumming the chords of his instruments to cast a quick spell:

“Good evening, everyone! -” he calls out, tail swishing behind him as his voice booms, resounding magically in the whole stadium “- Are you ready for a show?” 

The crowd erupts in cheers, adrenaline flowing through his blood like fire, and his lips stretch in an impossibly wide grin; a second later Tommy appears, shrouded in flames as he slides across the field towards him, looking almost as if he were flying.

“I didn’t quite hear you! I said… -” he repeats coily, his view of the world around him temporarily hidden as Tommy twirls around him, sending sparks in the air as the ground sizzles around them. The boy comes to an abrupt stop next to him, unleashing arcane flames higher and brighter for a split second that leave a burnt circle on the soil. 

“Are you ready for a fucking show?!” 

If he’d thought that the crowd had been at its loudest before, he would have definitely been proven wrong now, as the stadium seems to shake with the enthusiasm they’ve pumped into them - it is an arduous task, keeping the crowd energetic when they’re the last to perform for that day, after hours of fighting that must have left the people watching as exhausted as the people fighting, but somebody has to do it. When Wilbur turns towards Tommy the kid is glowing, and it’s not only due to the flames still surrounding his body. He pumps his fist up, towards the air, and lets out a gleeful whoop as the sound of Phil’s laughter reaches them.

The druid is twirling his own staff and, as the two of them start loudly cheering him on, he cackles and puts a bit more effort into it, letting it fly up in the air before smashing it down on the ground, where a spark of arcane energy bursts outwardly with bright green light. Iridescent glyphs appear on the staff, water bleeding out from the wood itself almost like sap and freezing instantly, while ice crackles and shifts as it forms a spiked clump around its top: Wilbur whoops even louder, letting go of his guitar to clap his hands together, resisting the urge to chant his friend’s name - they’re saving that for the future, no need to reveal their identities so soon. 

Wilbur is in the process of reaching for his instrument again, possibly to start playing something while they wait for the gates to be lifted and their mysterious opponent to show up, when a long, drawn out lament fills the air around them. The tiefling feels his spine straighten on instinct, the chilling sound causing a sudden shift in the overall mood they had created as a wave of fear swoops over the whole stadium - Wilbur would be angry about it if it wasn’t for the fact that his knees feel a bit weak, hands tightening around his guitar as if it could help stop them from shaking. 

Despite being frozen in place, in a mix of fear and surprise, he’s able to shake himself out of his stupor, looking up to the rest of his team with a tentative grin. But Phil isn’t looking at him anymore, he’s reaching out with a worried expression towards- 

A body collides with his own as Tommy, shaking like a leaf, eyes clouded and wide open, stumbles backwards, clutching at Wil’s shirt like a lifeline. It’s the unnatural murkiness of Tommy’s usually bright blue eyes that clues him in on the fact that this is a spell, not a natural reaction to a definitely frightening sound, so Wilbur steps between Tommy and whatever has taken hold of his mind, praying to Tymora that wherever Techno is he isn’t going through the same, and presses both of his hands over his friend’s shoulders. The kid clutches at his shirt, still muttering curses under his breath, and Wilbur struggles for a moment to catch his eyesight. 

“Tommy- Tommy, calm.” 

The human gasps in a breath, his eyes squeezing shut as he shakes his head and lets go of Wilbur to cling to himself.

“Fucking- go on, don’t- don’t mind me …” He hisses, muttering to himself about “definitely not acting like a little bitch”, and Wilbur turns, still shielding Tommy with his own body, and hopes that whatever his dear cousin is telling him, it’ll help shake him out of that enchantment. 

Despite the fact that Wilbur has been able to overcome his initial magic-induced fear, it’s still a bit of a shock, seeing the aberration floating menacingly towards them: it looks like a dark blue cloak, larger than a chariot, with a long boney tail, light pink, almost white eyes and a lipless mouth filled with an impressive amount of teeth - it resembles vaguely one of the sea creatures they’d encountered during their travels by the sea, but it definitely isn’t the beautifully elegant animal they’d seen doing somersaults near their ship. 

Phil steps up next to him with a dark look in his eyes, and Wilbur would chuckle at the protectiveness of the older elf if that wouldn’t make him feel terribly hypocritical. 

“Let’s bring that thing down, see if it acts all high and mighty then.” He mutters, raising a hand towards the beast and then pushing down. It appears that the creature is not used to that particular feeling, because it lets out a high pitched trill and starts gliding towards the ground, decisively less able to resist Phil’s spell than the elf had initially expected. Not that he’s complaining. 

But as the beast is descending, it lets out another whimpering groan, its form shifting and blurring, shadows solidifying into two other copies of the original; whether it was a momentary distraction or a voluntary effect, Phil curses under his breath as he’s unable to distinguish which one is the original. 

He is able to clearly see, instead, the gleam of a dark dagger as it sails through the air and embeds itself straight into the back of that beast's head, carving through its flesh like butter and embedding itself into the ground a handful of feet to its left. 

Then, it what would have otherwise been an extremely comical display, both the dagger and the beast disappear in a gust of smoke and darkness. 

A loud and indignated "Eeh?!" comes from what Phil assumes to be Techno's hiding place - a moment later the rogue himself pokes his head out from behind the stone column, waving that very same dagger towards the two remaining aberrations. 

"You're welcome, I guess?" He calls out, before disappearing into the shadows again, prompting Wilbur to burst out laughing. 

It's at that point that the tiefling realises, his shoulders relaxing instantly, that Tommy is also chuckling lightly behind his back - he figures he either snapped out of it or the beast's spell has a short duration - so he steps forward, moving a bit closer to the two huge figures now squirming on the ground with a renewed spring in his step.

“Not that scary now, eh, you big sheet?!”

The two aberrations on the floor flinch back, writhing from the effects of his words as if insulted - although the tiefling isn’t sure that it’s actually able to comprehend them - just a split second before two beams of fire sail past him. One strikes true, hitting one of the two beasts right into the center of its forehead; but the figure only shifts, blurring for a moment before it melts into nothingness. The second sphere burns a scorching mark on the ground right where the apparently true aberration was just a moment before, having moved due to the bard’s spell. 

“Ah, Wilby!” Protests Tommy; when he turns with a grin he can see - as expected - the young warlock staring angrily at him, hands still smouldering as he throws them into the air exasperatedly. 

That is also the last thing he sees before the beast behind him lets out a shrill whimper and lurches forward, its wings wrapping around his body and completely obscuring his vision. 

[sinsbymanka]

The Amazing, Wonderful, and Beautiful Jordie

Hello!

@lostinfantasies38, my dear friend Jordie, recently posted an explanation of her absence. This goes back to the bullying that came to a breaking point during The Mess and is a similar story to what so many of us have gone through. I may come back to that later - but this post isn’t about bullying or hatred. 

I can’t make the bullying better, but I can write a love letter to a friend, so that’s what I’m going to do. 

Jordie is one of the first people who found me once I joined Tumblr, which turned out to be some of the best luck I could have had. Not only did she share my passion for the neglected dwarven side of the Fandom, she was full of praise, ideas, passion, and kindness towards a newbie. 

All the friends I’ve made since are due to Jordie, and I couldn’t have known how badly I was going to need them. My fandom friends have been a lifeline to the world for a woman who, due to immune issues, has been stuck in a bubble since March. And Jordie was the first person to bring me into that fold. I don’t know if I’ve ever thanked you - so consider this the thank you I should have said a long time ago. 

And then, because a global pandemic wasn’t the worst thing that could happen to me this year, my father got ill. He was in the ICU for almost a month. He died the day before Father’s Day. 

Jordie insisted on having my phone number so she could talk to me. Day or night. Jordie was one of the first people I told. Jordie was on the other side of the phone while I sobbed and cried and made the hardest decisions of my life. 

Jordie never let me down. Not once. I’m not sure I’d have made it without her.

When I tried to return, when I buried myself and my pain in a hundred projects, Jordie was there to remind me to breathe. To take care of myself. While encouraging me endlessly. @a-paragon-of-their-kind and the dwarf server that goes with it, which has been a place of friendship and creativity and comfort, would not exist without her. Some of my stories wouldn’t exist without her. 

I owe Jordie so much more than I can ever give her. 

What I can do is tell you about Jordie’s work. Her AO3 page is handily the same as her Tumblr username.

Right now, Jordie is doing a lot fix-it writing for the Dear Evan Hansen fandom, and she’s one of the best writers over there by all accounts! If you like sweet boys falling in love, she’s your lady as always. 

I’m more familiar with her DA Work! Her Cullistair is AMAZINGLY popular for a reason. It is some of the most beautiful prose I’ve ever seen. While her long fic is on hiatus, she’s got some great one shots! Also, I think that what’s done of Find Me Well Within Your Grace is WELL worth reading as a standalone. It’s her Cullistair as chantry bois growing up together and it is BEAUTIFUL. She’s the only writer I’ll ever read for this ship. 

Jordie found me for the dwarves, obviously. Her Sun Touched is inspiring me every day to write my own origins fic, and her take on Dwarven Lore in cultue is far more inspired than any tripe you’re going to find over here. In fact, if you ever seen some good dwarf lore in my shit, guarantee I borrowed it from Jordie with her blessing. It’s also on hiatus, but I’ve reread what she’s got twice and it’s amazing. If you want some Brosca/Alistair fix in oneshots, she’s got those too!

Finally, I want to reiterate that you are and will always be a dear friend who probably saved my goddamn life. It doesn’t matter if you’ve left this fandom, because you have given us precious art that I will always remember and treasure. 

I wish I could do more. I hope this little bit is something.

<3 Manka

(if you reblog this post, I’m asking you kindly to not add any negativity, but only share Jordie’s positivity, share your support, or add your own love letter to a friend) 

[saltoftheao3]

I wanted to comment about the effect a reader commenting on a writer’s fic can be so very very important for the writer. As both, and a fandom oldster, I know how very, very nice it is to receive feedback on something I write. It means the world! So I try my best to comment on those fics I read to the best of my ability. That said, let me use my example of just how important a reader commenting on a fic can be to a writer. I don’t post WIP’s just for this reason, but in the case of a very obscure fandom (Sword of The Stranger, for the curious) I posted one. Things were progressing well until May of 2018 when my Mother died. This was an expected death, and as her executor, it requires a lot of reality hitting and legal. Plus, you know, grieving for the loss of a parent. At that time my WIP went on hiatus. This was two years ago. I still want to write on this fic. However, reality really can be cruel. This very month, January 2020, my  Dad unexpectedly died. I am not looking for sympathy, I just want to let readers and commenters know just how powerful your positive words can be. Having to face double reality in this kind of situation, especially regarding the unexpected death of my Dad, receiveing a positive comment in the midst of this reality can literally be a lifeline. You never fully know what is happening in other peoples lives and a positive word here and there can make SUCH a huge difference. I know, it just happened to me on a fic I have left hanging due to the fact that reality happens. So please, keep commenting! You may be having a very helpful impact on someone who is going through a very tough time.

(submitted by @terribleteej)

I’m very sorry to hear about your losses, dear Teej. I’m glad that fandom interactions could be of some comfort to you during dark times.

You’re right; little moments of positivity, kindnesses from stangers, can be absolute game changers and really enhance our lives.

Manage your spoons, but try and make vocal kindness a habit. It’s a good one to have.

[squirrelly831]

My Return

As you have all noticed, I have been very absent... Let’s sit and drink some coffee as I go over what’s been going on and what will be happening.

TW for mental health and suicidal thoughts and self harm mention. Please be advised that this is not to be read if you are easily triggered by any of the above.

So, as you all know, I had to put my cat down January 25th. It was one of the hardest things for me and I almost returned to my old self harming methods. I basically spiraled. I wasn’t eating much and I had really nasty mood swings and would have suicidal thoughts. A few Saturdays ago, my body basically gave out on me for an entire day because I had ran it so ragged that it shut down and I had to leave work.

The first month of Stephanie’s passing was hard. Everywhere I looked, I cried. I couldn’t stop searching for her. To others looking in, she was just a cat, but I’ve had her since I was 15 (I’m now 27). She was basically my daughter, but she was on four legs and would meow at me when she needed something. Stephanie got me through a lot of my past experiences and pain. She was basically my lifeline and losing her, I lost my reason to live. My thoughts were always to provide her a good life and to give her the best I could. Even now, I still cry because losing her is possibly the worse pain I’ve ever experienced. Her birthday is April 16th and I know it’s going to be such a hard day for me.

During this time, I was promoted to a full time employee at my job I’ve been at for two years. I got insurance through the company and was finally able to get help. I knew if I kept going on this path of destruction, I was going to hurt myself or worse. It was already March and I was flipping about everything. I could have one rough day (because I work in customer service. Love what I do, but sometimes Karens attack) and I’ll be a little annoyed then the next moment I was wishing I could crash my car. No warning or anything to trigger it, it just happened. And this wasn’t the first time. I’ve been struggling with this for YEARS, but I knew it was depression. I was diagnosed with it and a panic disorder, so I KNEW what it what, but didn’t have insurance for counseling or medication I knew I would need to be on.

Well flash forward to April 8th. I was able to get my insurance to cover lab works and doctor visits and I found out I had a genetic anemia. Honestly wasn’t surprised, but it was nice to know why I was always cold. I also learned my Vitamin D was super low because who likes the sun (not me). And lastly, I didn’t have depression--What I had wasn’t a major depression like I was told years ago. What I have is a bipolar disorder. That hit hard and it took me a few days to absorb this fact. I have bipolar. I repeated that so much when I first found out. I had an answer and a solution to help stabilize my mood, but it wasn’t the answer I wanted (but when do we ever want to know when we have a mental health disorder).

On top of all this, I was dealing with graduate school. I took on 3 classes after being misinformed that it was the only way to be considered full time (2 classes are actually full time). So not only was I working 35-40 hours a week, but I was spending my two days off from work doing homework and fell behind on readings. Outside of work, I don’t see people besides my counselor, doctor, and physical therapist for my wrist. I have been pushing myself until I broke and would repeat this toxic behavior.

Have I changed? 

No. My medication is new and I have been experience symptoms I didn’t have before. I am now sleeping 7-8 hours a day now because my meds make me tired. But, I’m still struggling with gathering myself.

So what happens now?

Right now, I’m just on an extended hiatus. Though we all knew that. BUT I do plan to come back. However, I have NO time at the moment. Finals are in three weeks and I’m trying to maintain my 3 grades (I have a 94, 93, and 91).

My goal is to come back here by mid May to start writing again. I have so many story ideas and soon I’ll have time to just sit and free write. 

Thank you for the support you all have shown me from my cat’s passing and those who have continued to check on me. You guys are beautiful and amazing people.

xoxo

Ashleigh

[heroloverangel]

Feels Like Home (3/3)

Y’all already know exactly what this is. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Chapter 3: Missed You

"I missed you so much."

Mirio’s voice is muted against your throat as he continues his job of covering every exposed bit of your skin in kisses. You can’t help but smile and run a hand through his hair, every bit as happy to be reunited as your boyfriend. It’s only been a few weeks since his mission, but it feels like you’ve spent months apart and you’re both eager to make up for lost time.

You pull him off your neck to meet his lips instead. “Me too. It’s been so lonely in this big bed.”

“I can fix that.” He works a hand under the familiar sweatshirt beneath him, revealing a fresh inch of your stomach above your leggings. “My clothes look so much better on you,” he points out, pushing up the shirt you’d stolen from his closet months ago. His fingers are warm on your skin as he shoves the fabric up higher over your chest. You squirm out of it and he pauses above you, taking a second to admire your body after being denied so long. “Actually, they look better off of you,” he jokes, tracing his lips over your collarbone.

It’s difficult, trying to get him out of his own shirt when all his attention is so spectacularly distracting. You have to wait for him to break away for a breath of air before you’re able to tug it over his head, but you’re rewarded with the sight of those amazing muscles he’s worked so hard for. It’s a welcome reminder that, despite everything, Mirio is still the strongest person you know. Pulling him down against you, you bask in the feel of his warm body, raw power under your fingertips as you run them over his back. “I’m so glad you’re back,” you say, unable to find the words to accurately express your overwhelming happiness.

His smile is dazzling. “You know I couldn’t stay away for long. I’d go crazy!” His fingers grip at your thigh to spread your legs open more and press against you, and you can feel the rigid shape of his erection through the layers of fabric between you. The shuddery little gasp slips out of your mouth thoughtlessly, and he groans in response. “Babe, I wanna touch you so much right now. You wanna help me get these off?” He pinches the stretchy material of your leggings and lets it snap back into place for emphasis. You’re more than happy to obey, wiggling them past your hips before letting him yank them down your legs. It’s almost surprising that you only hear one seam rip in his haste to get them off of you. “Wow,” he murmurs as he takes in the sight of you stripped to your underwear. “I think you got even prettier while I was gone.”

You meet your boyfriend’s gaze, too sweet for his own good, and somehow you manage to fall more in love with him. One large hand runs up your side to settle on your bra strap; he pulls it aside and trails kisses along your shoulder as he goes. You work your arm out of it and he switches to show the same devotion to your other shoulder. “Hey, can you…” you’re on the same page and reach behind you for the hooks before he can finish asking. His hands are back on you in a moment, ignoring the familiar sound of your bra being flung across the room with too much excitement and smacking into the wall.

“God, I love your chest,” he murmurs, cupping your breasts without mercy. “You’re so nice and soft and squishy.” He squeezes them firmly and you sigh with satisfaction. “Your nipples are so cute, babe.”

He pauses, the two of you stare at each other for a beat, and then both of you dissolve into laughter. It’s just such an endearingly random, cheesy, Mirio thing to say that you can’t help it. “Sorry, sorry!” His grin is unyielding even as he kisses you again. You run your fingers down his body, appreciating every curve and dip of his firm muscles. Your touch stutters at the feel of the large, unfamiliar scar marring his perfect abs and you gently trace over it. “Don’t worry about it, it looks worse than it is-”

“I’m proud of you,” you whisper, lips following a path along his cheek and jaw. “You’re incredible, Mirio. I have to be the luckiest person on the planet to have you.” You expect him to eat up your compliment like candy, but he just shakes his head. 

“No way, princess. I think we’re just about even on that.” Your heart melts at the sound of his cute little laugh and he returns to the important task of fondling you. Strong hands grope at your breasts, pinching and teasing your nipples hard. You squirm under him, occupying your own fingers with running through his golden hair as he nips at your skin and leaves a mark on your neck. “You make the sweetest noise when I tease you like this.” You let out a little whine when his tongue flicks across a nipple and you bring him closer to take it into his mouth. His name comes out as a needy gasp, familiar tension coiling inside you. “See?” he releases you with a satisfyingly wet sound to focus on your other side. “Baby, you’re adorable.”

You’re so warm, heat prickling along your spine and sweat coating your body by the time he’s done. You pull him up for another kiss, happy to let his tongue slip into your mouth and prove how eager he still is to please you. You drag impatient fingers down his torso, reaching for his zipper and he catches your point, taking over for you and shoving his jeans off. Firm thighs press against your softer ones and you feel his cock twitch beneath his underwear, only a few thin layers away from where you want him most.

“You’re so gorgeous,” he breathes in your ear, tracing the curve of your side. “Your stomach’s so cute. And I love your hips, I missed grabbing on them. And man, your ass is just…” he lifts you up a bit to squeeze at it and his words devolve into an appreciative groan. “I can’t get over these thighs, either.” He massages at your inner thighs, coaxing them further apart and eyeing the obvious damp spot of your panties. Mirio licks his lips at the sight, taking the opportunity to rub you through the damp fabric. Immediately you grind yourself against his hand, desperate for his touch after your unplanned hiatus. “I thought about you, every night I was gone.” He smirks at you, eyes warm with affection and without further delay he’s tugging your panties off. You don’t need much foreplay tonight, you’re plenty wound up for him already, but when he slides two fingers inside your pussy you can’t help but cry out in relief. This is where he belongs: in bed with you, kissing you, touching you, fucking you until everyone else on the floor knows how much he loves you. 

It’s almost embarrassing how fast he can get you off. His fingers scissor inside you, opening you for him, stroking at your walls as his thumb ghosts over your clit. It’s exactly what you need but you grip his wrist to stop. “Mirio, no. Not yet. I...I want to come with you inside me.” Your boyfriend pauses then withdraws, licking his lips when his eyes meet yours. He takes a deep breath to steady himself and nods.

“Fuck, I want it too. More than anything.” He moves quickly, shorts coming off to reveal his dick, hard and ready for you like always. You take him in your hand, throbbing in your palm as you guide him into position. Mirio gives you another long kiss before his hips press forward and he’s finally entering you. “Babe, you’re perfect.”

Neither of you have patience for a slow buildup tonight. He shows enough restraint to ease himself into you over several thrusts, but once he’s fully sheathed inside your cunt his willpower quickly crumbles. “You’re squeezing me so tight,” he groans, rutting deep against you to enjoy how nice you feel wrapped around him. “I really, really love you.”

“Y-you too,” you manage out, gripping his broad shoulders like a lifeline. You’re in heaven underneath him, fixated on the movements of his amazing body and incredibly grateful to have him again. Of course you hadn’t been completely unfulfilled during your time apart, the toys in your bedside drawer made sure of that. But you’ve become spoiled from your relationship, and nothing compares to the feel of your boyfriend’s thick cock stretching you open and pleasing you better than anything else could. His pace speeds up, pelvis rubbing teasingly against your clit with every move and you find yourself at your limit already, only a few wonderful minutes after you began. There’s no attempt to keep quiet when you call out his name, moaning about how good he feels as your pussy milks him for more. He reaches his own climax soon after, your blissed out mind only semi-aware of the excessively wet sensation of his cum flooding into you.

His rhythm stills and he slips out of you, but the look on his face promises that he’s far from done with you. “I needed that,” he admits, voice low and husky with untamed arousal. “I needed you,” he corrects himself, and then his lips are all over you. You’re smothered in kisses, all across your face and shoulders, peppering your neck and moving down to your breasts once more. He sucks at your nipples again, your hips bucking faintly at the stimulation. There’s a glint of mischief in his eye and he slips a hand between your sweaty bodies to begin roughly massaging your clit. You’ve hardly recovered from your first orgasm and he’s already threatening to send you into another one. You make a sound of complaint but he shushes you. “You’re so good to me, I gotta make you feel even better. Just let me take care of you, okay?”

You can’t argue with that, all you can do is lie back and enjoy his affection. Your clit twitches at the unyielding motion of his fingers, almost too sensitive to stand it. Mirio offers you that trademark big, friendly smile before catching you off-guard and clamping his his teeth sharply around your nipple. Your voice comes out in a ragged gasp, nails sinking into his strong back as your resolve snaps. You writhe against him, choking on air and ignoring the sound of his cheerful voice showering you in nonstop praise and love.

He’s kind enough to wait for you to fully rebound this time, only stroking his hands lightly across your heated skin. Eventually you start touching him back, signaling that you’re ready for more, and he’s more than willing to continue. Dick almost painfully hard after your little show, he rubs it between your silky folds and coats himself in your combined fluids. “No more teasing,” you whine pitifully and he agrees. 

You’re soaked, your body giving no resistance to him sliding back in, cunt taking all of him in one smooth thrust. “You’re so wet for me, sweetheart. You feel amazing.” He holds himself up over you so he can see how you pant and squirm for him, watching with interest as a bead of sweat drips down your skin. He cages you between his arms and it feels right; being surrounded and filled by him is overwhelming in the best way possible. “I love you,” he growls out yet again, leaning down until your foreheads almost touch. “I love you so much. I don’t ever wanna leave again, I can’t get enough of you.” You struggle to keep up with him, overstimulated body trying its best to match his pace even as his hips begin to stutter and his movements grow sloppier.

You trail your nails along his strong back, coaxing him further. “You’re gonna make me come again, baby. You’re so great, Mirio. He draws out and thrusts back in hard, and your legs lock around his hips like a vise. “Oh, god, that’s good. You reach for him, cupping his face in your smaller hands to meet his gaze. “You take such good care of me,” you coo softly, enjoying the dark blush splashed across his flushed cheeks. “My big, strong hero. You’re so fucking cute-”

You don’t get to finish your sentence. You find yourself happily interrupted by your own name, loud and ragged in your ear, then he buries his face against your neck in a too-late attempt to stay quiet. A heartbeat later he finishes, cock throbbing deep inside and pumping you full of your perfect boyfriend’s thick, sticky cum. The added sensation is enough to bring you to the edge, and when his lips seal over your throat to suck a hickey into your skin it’s all over for you. Your pussy clenches around him tight and you squeal, much too loud in the small room but you’re far past the point of caring. “You’re so goddamn beautiful like this,” he tells you, voice still breathy and wearing an expression of pure devotion as he stares down at you.

The two of you take a few minutes to relax, Miro’s head coming to rest at it’s favorite spot on your chest and you play with his disheveled hair. “Welcome home, love,” you mutter, he only laughs and flashes you that brilliant smile. Eventually you separate, Mirio just a little too eager to help clean you up to be considered entirely innocent, and you take notice of the time. “It’s already after nine, we missed dinner.” You sit up more to look for your clothes and think up a game plan. “You start back to class tomorrow. Come on, we better jump in the shower and then we can make something quick to eat.” He makes a sound of protest, tries to trap you in the bed but you wiggle out of his grasp. “Don’t complain,” you pull your leggings back on, not bothering to find your discarded panties. “Everyone should be out of the showers by now, so we can take one together.” You’re not surprised that he immediately perks up, no doubt imagining another round and you can’t say he’s wrong.

You lose sight of him, distracted while you slip his hoodie over your bare torso. He moves fast even after all that activity, and you’re pulled into a bear hug before you even get your arms through the sleeves. You snuggle against his warm chest and he lets out a happy sigh. 

“You’re right.”

“Of course I am. About what?”

“Don’t get me wrong, I love my old man and it was fine back at our house...” You manage to free your hands only to have them captured by his own. “But it’s just not the same anymore. Being here, with you, though. That’s what feels like home now.” It’s silent in his room for a second and he lets out a small laugh. “That sounded really corny, didn’t it?”

“Yeah, it did.” Gently, you free your arms from his grasp and wrap them around his waist, holding him just as strongly. “But you’re right; you feel like home to me, too.”

In all the time you’ve known Mirio, you’ve never seen him look this happy.

[sagehaleyofficial]

HERE’S WHAT YOU MISSED THIS WEEK (4.8-4.14.20):

NEW MUSIC:

Bring Me the Horizon posted a new teaser featuring Oli Sykes and Jordan Fish bellowing unclean vocals combined with darker lyrics. In mid-March, the band announced they were working on new material, tentatively titled BMTH8.

YUNGBLUD gifted fans a new vertical video for his song “Original Me” after dropping the song last fall. The new video featuring Imagine Dragons vocalist Dan Reynolds is available to watch on YouTube.

Senses Fail recently announced they will be releasing an album of covers, recorded during the coronavirus quarantine. The band hit the studio in late February to start working on their new album, which at the time was titled Hell is in Your Head.

Machine Gun Kelly released another cover during his time in isolation due to the coronavirus pandemic, taking on a track from fellow rapper Jack Harlow. He posted a clip of him singing to “WHATS POPPIN” while on a video chat with Harlow.

After announcing the release on Twitter three days prior, Twenty One Pilots delivered a new song “Level of Concern.” “Always writing, but this one feels like it should just come out now,” frontman Tyler Joseph tweeted out.

PVRIS have unfortunately had to postpone their upcoming album Use Me due to circumstances beyond their control. The album was originally set to release on May 1st, but is now delayed until July 10th.

MxPx streamed a deluxe version of their 2018 self-titled album, which includes the full original 11-song album, four bonus tracks and five acoustic versions. In addition to this edition, vocalist Mike Herrera is participating in livestream performances. 

Man Overboard released their first new music in over five years, a new track titled “Lifeline.” The band was previously on hiatus since the release of their last record, only reuniting for special anniversary and holiday shows.

Neck Deep released the second single off their upcoming studio album, All Distortions Are Intentional, titled “When You Know.” The music video features fans from around the world, holding up pieces of paper with lyrics from the song.

A snippet of an alternative version of Blink-182’s “I Really Wish I Hated You” featuring Miley Cyrus was released online. Frontman Mark Hoppus confirmed its legitimacy on a recent Twitch stream.

FEVER 333’s Jason Butler gave fans an intimate look into his career via his 333 WRECKORDS CREW label. The label is offering demos of his former act Letlive.’s acclaimed album Fake History on a pay-what-you-want basis.

TOUR ANNOUNCEMENTS:

Pierce the Veil reunited online to perform an intimate acoustic version of their song “Hold on Till May” from the safety of their own homes. The video begins with frontman Vic Fuentes asking the other members how their quarantine is going.

OTHER NEWS:

A man in Wisconsin is reportedly suing ticket resale company StubHub for $5 million in a class-action lawsuit. The lawsuit comes after he purchased tickets to an NHL game before the coronavirus pandemic postponed the season.

Vans launched the “Foot the Bill” initiative, in which all net proceeds will go to small businesses around the country. Additionally, Tony Hawk will act as an official global brand ambassador, as well as making a pro Vert skateboarding competition.

Post Malone‘s song “Circles” is the subject of a songwriter claiming he is entitled to credit on its release. According to TMZ, Tyler Armes co-wrote and co-produced the track, and is now filing a lawsuit for his share of royalties.

In celebration of the company’s four-year anniversary, Good Dye Young is having a sitewide sale for the month of April. The line was founded by Paramore frontwoman Hayley Williams and her business partner Brian J. O’Connor in 2016.

Fans of 5 Seconds of Summer have been fighting Billboard to get the band’s latest album C A L M to the number 1 spot on their chart rankings after a shipping error lowered the numbers. Drummer Ashton Irwin later spoke out about the issue.

The copyright infringement lawsuit between Yellowcard and Juice WRLD’s estate has been put on hold until July. According to Digital Music News, the reason is due the coronavirus pandemic preventing search for an executor.

Thursday’s face masks for fans sold out in just nine seconds, giving them the ability to now create hundreds more to donate. The band worked with New Jersey organizations NJ Maskmakers and FaceMaskWarriors to make them.

Halsey is donating 100,000 FDA certified three-ply face masks to various California hospitals. She is doing this through GiveDirectly, a nonprofit organization focusing on directing cash payments to vulnerable households in at-risk communities.

My Chemical Romance frontman Gerard Way is partnering with a number of artists on the Quarantine Coloring Book. The idea spawned from Sara Taylor of Youth Code, who joined the band on vocals at their reunion show.

British shoe company Dr. Martens is rolling out a line dedicated to punk band the Sex Pistols. Two new designs were released paying tribute to the band’s groundbreaking history in the 1970s.

___

Check in next Tuesday for more “Posi Talk with Sage Haley,” only at @sagehaleyofficial!

[londonskies]

2am conversations are for feelings.

Harry and Reader like their 2am conversations, but tonight's conversation doesn't leave them with that much words to say. At all.

The wind blew past us as we sat on the roof, drinks in hand and eyes on the stars.

The silence was comfortable. It wasn't always, but Harry was such a nice guy that all the shine of being a celebrity soon faded away, leaving me not spazzing out that I now hung out with my celebrity crush, as actual real life friends.

I had met him by chance. A vacation in a beautiful place led to joining him in a game of beach volleyball to even out the teams.

His friends were the nicest to me too, which surprised me because I was a lone stranger trying to pretend not to see friggin Harry Styles for the sole reason that he looked so happy having a normal day.

After that, they had insisted I join them for lunch and found out that one of them actually worked in the same place as I did, just in a totally different department, and soon, that small connection got me integrated in their little group of friends.

Movie nights and dinner parties, sleepovers and trips out camping as well as going to the beach all became treasured memories for me, but what surprised me was that I found myself having 2 am conversations with Harry. Alot.

As an insomniac, it was normal for me to wake up in the early morning. When I'm alone, it's usually just staring at the ceiling, waiting for either sleep or dawn to come.

But during a sleepover to Harry's house, I found his legs dangling outside of the guestroom I had stayed in. Since then, it was sort of tradition for me and him to find each other in either the roof or whatever secluded place we could find, if we were awake in the wee hours of the morning. (Which, I almost always was anyway)

Today was no different. With the house party in full swing downstairs, I had decided that I had had enough of the loud music and sweaty bodies and alcohol. Grabbing a bottle of iced tea from the fridge, I snuck to the roof outside of the host's bedroom window, finding that Harry was already there and watching the stars.

I joined him without a word, smiling as he acknowledged my presence with a smile and looking back to the stars with a swig of whatever drink he was holding.

The silence was calming. The wind cooling my skin from the heat of the party, paired with the quiet sounds of the night and the quake of the booming party music from far away.

Some days we had too much to tell each other, but sometimes, the company was all that we needed. Today seemed to be one of those days.

The music was waning when one of us finally spoke without looking at the other.

"It hurt."

My silent look to his side profile made him continue what he was saying.

"When he broke up with me."

Instantly, I knew who he was talking about. Louis, his best friend, or, was his best friend.

It hadn't taken too many 2am conversations for me to open up about my lovelife (or lackthereof) and soon, he had dropped the bomb on me.

He and Louis had been together once.

In the early days of the band, he had been absolutely taken by the loud and charismatic personality that Lou had. They circled around each other like a moth to a flame, instantly clicking together and becoming closer that anyone had ever imagined.

So when Lou had mentioned that he wanted to explore his sexuality, Harry had eagerly jumped up to the plate and volunteered his help. A decision that later resulted to his heart getting broken.

Louis breaking up with him had not been an easy decision, Harry had explained when he saw my reaction when he gave me that little nugget. I had been livid at the thought of someone hurting him, even if it was done by someone I looked up to.

In the first place, he had said, falling into the relationship was easy for both of them. The motions were easy, moving together was easy, the gestures, the words, everything was easy.

But Louis had soon realized that he hadn't been in love with Harry, only at the thought of being in a relationship with someone.

And that had taken a long time for him to get it off his chest. He didn't want to hurt Harry, who clearly loved him with all his heart, and whom he loved just as much back, just not in the way that Harry did.

Eventually though, it had happened. He had gotten home to Louis wringing his wrists, looking extremely distressed, tears already dried on his cheeks but still being accompanied by more new ones from his already red rimmed eyes.

He had adorably (Harry's words, not mine, but I am inclined to agree in the premise of my imagination) blubbered apologies left and right, incoherent words sprinkled far apart and scarce, but Harry had understood.

And he let Louis break up with him.

They had spent the night on the couch, reminiscing memories and intimate touches, and when they woke, it had become official. They were no longer together.

Louis had Liam to go to after they broke up, and Harry started to go to Zayn for the deep conversations and to Niall for the laughs. They hadn't intended to drift away from each other, but they soon did.

They were still pretty close to each other, but not to the extent that they were before they became a couple. And it had hurt Harry more than he cared to show anyone.

And then with everything happened and between Taylor, Eleanor, Brianna and Freddie, Zayn leaving and the extended hiatus and the solo careers, Harry hadn't let himself hurt.

Even when he dropped the Larry bomb at me, he had seemed resigned to his fate, like it didn't matter, like it was just a passing memory that he decided to tell me.

But it seemed like tonight was gonna be different.

I silently reached over his free hand and squeezed gently, letting him know that I understood and wouldn't press him for more than what he would let me know.

He paused for a little while, like he was gathering strength to continue, and I just waited patiently, letting him take his time.

"It hurt that he couldn't love me in the way that I loved him."

The waterworks shouldn't have surprised me, he was hurt and he was allowed to cry about something even if years had already passed, but it did, and all I could muster up to do ws hug him and hold him tight, as if I was trying to keep the pieces of his soul together.

"Why does it still hurt?" He squeezed me back, fingers scrunching the back of my oversized sweater along with my hair, and I let him.

I let him hurt, and I let him feel. Because he hadn't allowed himself to and I'd be damned before I stop him from doing just that.

My voice cracked as I spoke, but I pushed on. "Because you've been bottling it up for so long, and it's okay. Now you can let youself hurt, you let yourself feel, then you can let yourself move on."

His tears fell onto my shoulder, leaving it damp and cold, but I let him. "What if I don't want to?"

"Don't want to what?" I cracked a smile, knowing exactly what he meant, but knowing that this was his way of coping.

"To move on."

"That's okay too. But someday you will, and that's all that matters."

I felt him smile into my shoulder and sniff, brushing the tears away from his eyes first but then breaking back down and sobbing. He didn't say anything after that, just tears and hugs and squeezing each other to remind each other that we were still there.

My heart ached for him, but I knew that that was just how it had to go. Louis had not intended to hurt Harry, but he did, but that was okay. And Harry was okay. He was just letting himself feel. And I let him.

We hadn't noticed the music turning off, or our friends shooing the other guests out and saying goodbye, stumbling to their rooms on their drunk asses, crashing into bed. We hadn't noticed falling asleep on the roof, clinging to each other like a lifeline.

But when we woke up, we smiled and went down for breakfast, like 2am stayed at 2am and now all was well.

[inyournightmares97]

Personal Update

Hey guys. I know I went on hiatus a while ago and I do keep getting messages about when I'm coming back. I thought I'd update anyone who cares. I'm still on tumblr and I'm still responding to DMs and asks, just not as frequently as I used to.

To those of you who are curious about my personal life: I am doing amazing. I have a full-time job that I'm enjoying so far, I'm living with my parents and spending a lot of time with family. I'm working on my health and I'm preparing to take some exams and apply to universities to get a master's degree soon. Basically, I'm busy and occupied and happy. I know you guys can't see me but everybody in my life who knows me has said that I look like a more happier, relaxed and confident person than I did barely a few months ago.

I think this sudden stage of peace and happiness is what it took for me to realise that, up until now, I was actually incredibly unhappy. College was terrible for me. I hated it but I refused to believe I was miserable because of it. I basically locked myself up in my dorm room and watched K-pop videos all day after class, and spent my nights writing fanfics while avoiding my very real problems. All of those fics are up on my Masterlist now.

The reason I was able to post so much detailed content so often is not because I was really dedicated, or creative, or amazing. It's because this blog became a coping mechanism for me to deal with, and eventually avoid, the problems of the real world. I clung into it like a lifeline because I hated the life I was living and the people that were around me.

Having said that, I now realize that this blog and K-pop in general were basically an addiction that I clung into for the past 3-4 years. Without my fics to occupy myself with, and without you guys to constantly support me and give me something to look forward to, I am pretty sure that I would have succumbed to depression or some other unpleasant addiction with more serious consequences. I am extremely grateful for that. Maybe my addition to kpop and fanfiction wasn't healthy but it's what got me through the dark tunnel. And I have emerged unscathed from the other side.

I guess what I'm trying to say is, I'm NOT unhappy anymore. My real life is going well. I'm in a different city now and don't have to see anything from my life at uni. The people around me are great. I actually ENJOY thinking about my future because I have so many ideas about what I want to do. I don't need a coping mechanism anymore. All the problems that were weighing me down are gone.

Don't worry. This isn't me saying goodbye or leaving this blog or deleting it or anything like that. I just want you guys to understand why this blog isn't such a big part of my life anymore. I love GOT7 and I'm looking forward to their comeback. I love writing and I don't think I'll ever give that up.

I just... don't need these things as much now. Writing is therapeutic for me and, like any form of therapy, I only really need it when there's an issue. Maybe someday something will go terribly wrong in my life and you'll see me back on here all the time, I don't know. Either way, I don't think it's right for me to apologize for my recent lack of presence on Tumblr.

Because I'm happy. And I'm not going to apologize for that.

I know this won't go down really well with people who are desperate to see updates of my fics, but I can't really help that. I'll work on them slowly, at my own pace and when my life allows for it. I still have my Tumblr app, I still answer DMs and I'll still answer asks whenever I can.

So yeah. That's it. Tumblr just isn't something I will be doing as much as I used to. I want to grow as a person and I'll be putting that first.

Thank you so much for all the support you guys have given me so far, because honestly, it means the world to me. I know there are a lot of shitty things about this site but for me, it was a crutch to stand on during a hard time and I know there are other people here who are using the same crutch for support, whether they realize it now or not. I hope you guys can get through the difficult stages in your life too. And you will. You just need to stick it out.

So yeah.

Thanks guys. The ahgase community here is amazing and I owe every single one of you so much. Thank you for supporting me when I needed it.

[bomberlandia]

Burning Questions: Return to play, 2020 expectations, Heppell, Hooker back, BZT, Cutler’s intrigue and more

Dyson Heppell is back. Cale Hooker is back too. And Joe Daniher is trending in the right direction for the first time in years. Football is back.

The coronavirus pandemic has halted every sport in its tracks. The NBA is still yet to resume and still hasn’t figured out a safe method of finishing its year. Major League Baseball hasn’t worked out if or when it’ll start its season. And the NHL are fine tuning a path to return to play but nothing is final yet. These are just a few leagues to name, but every sport league has stopped. And every league is now trying to figure out how to come back safely. There’s no blueprint either. It’s one messy, minefield.

If there is a silver living here for the AFL, it’s that, any club who had long-term injuries, or newly sustained pre-season concerns over players have been given the lifeline of 83 days to help prepare, heal and get right before Round Two. For the Bombers, this period has been favourable. Hooker and Heppell had short-term injuries that would have seen them miss multiple weeks — in Heppell’s case, he would have missed at least half the season. Same with Joe Daniher. But with the three-month hiatus Hooker and Heppell will play against Sydney. And Daniher is weeks away from playing so he should see a good chunk of the 2020 season.

But fit bodies are just that. There’s still a slew of unanswered questions that need addressing. Some will get answered this weekend. Others will take weeks to answer, if not, a year or two. After three consecutive years of 12 wins, 2020 was meant to be the year that the Bombers delivered better than that, moved up from mediocrity and won a final. But, the pandemic has added another layer of uncertainty around the Bombers. With that, here are some burning questions that will impinge the Bombers in 2020.

*

Can Devon Smith pick up where he left off before his PCL operation?

We will know soon enough when he takes on the Swans but from all reports the knee has never been better. “My knee’s been pulling up the best it has since I can remember, so I’m really excited about the season,” he told news.com.au. My only real concern for Smith, is can his knee stand up to the rigours of AFL intensity? He’s had a decent 12-month stint without AFL competition. And being a hard-at-it player, someone the Bombers need in trenches, we’ll only know just how good Smith’s knee is in the days and weeks to come.

But let’s go back to 2018 when Smith won the Crichton Medal. That was the year Watson, Stanton and Pop Kelly retired. Heath Hocking got delisted. The Bombers went 2-6 early in the season. Mark Neeld got the boot. Daniher got shutdown with a season-ending groin injury. And the midfield had some serious holes. But Smith stood up. He averaged 22 touches and 8.5 tackles — both career highs — and kicked 17.16. And if you remember, he carried the team during the big games. Against Collingwood in R16, he collected 31d, 8m and had 13 tackles in their 16p loss. Against Carlton on a wet MCG, he laid 15 tackles along with 21 touches. His pressure and hardness around the contest was made more obvious in a midfield that was lacking grunt. He filled that void.

The complications of COVID-19 has forced the AFL to make quarters 16-minutes long. That means Smith can go full-tilt for an entire game. There’s upside to that. But, to my earlier point, can his knee withstand that kind of onslaught in shorter, more intense sets? The Bombers missed Smith in 2019. His return will make opposition midfields more accountable. He’s another goal-kicking option. And his high tackle count (in 2018: 186) will cause turnover opportunities, something the good AFL teams do regularly.

Essendon haven’t won in Sydney since 2009. Can they break the drought?

It’s hard to definitively say the Bombers can win this one when there’s an existing 10+ year SCG drought to consider. But when you think about the 83 days between R1 and R2, both teams are operating on a clean slate. It’s like the start of the season take two. On paper the Bombers have a good balance for the small SCG ground: tall key defenders, small, quick and bullish forwards. They bring back their captain, Dyson Heppell. Hooker, Hurley and Francis should stand up against Heeney and the Swans’ potent forwards. That gives the Bombers a chance to steal this one.

There’s a growing concern over the Bombers forward line in 2020, with Joe Daniher still out, Fantasia missing. Will the Bombers struggle to kick goals?

For this week at the SCG those outs won’t matter. The Bombers should be able to cover Daniher and Fantasia through a core group of Smith, Stringer, Townsend, Tipungwuti. For the Bombers to go to that next level, adding Daniher and Fantasia is a must. The good news is that the Bombers have worked out other ways to kick goals. And it sounds like this year they are relying on midfielders and small forwards to do the damage on the scoreboard. But if Daniher and Fantasia do come back soon, the Bombers will have their strongest forward set up since the 2000 Premiership: Stringer, Townsend, Fantasia, Joe Daniher, Tipungwuti, Smith. That’s not too shabby.

Dustin Fletcher is on the cusp of being inducted in the Hall of Fame but some are saying that he might have to wait a few years because of the 12-month ASADA ban. Should he have to wait?

If they decide Fletcher has to wait another year or two, because of the ASADA ban, in the grand scheme of things it’s not that big a deal. As long as he’s inducted. He’s a lock. Let’s not forget Fletcher had a decorated career with 400 games and two premierships. Let’s also remember he meets the criteria: record, ability, integrity, sportsmanship and character. No-one could argue against any of those things with any great certainty. Whether it’s now or years to come, it’s happening.

Of the players picked to play against the Swans for R2, who should we watch, and what should we look for?

Tom Cutler. I liked what I saw against Fremantle in R1 and how he moved between the backline and forward 50. His speed is impressive for his size considering he’s carrying a 192 cm frame. I think he’s going to be a match up headache every week. Andrew McGrath is another one to watch. This year will be his first year as a full-time midfielder, or at least that’s how the Bombers intend to use him. He keeps getting better, quicker, smarter. He has Cotchin attributes.

The most intriguing duo in the team right now are Townsend and Stringer. Two bulls. They really need to impose themselves against the Swans on a small SCG where spacing is tight. Both have the ability to kick three to five goals each on any given week. In the absence of Daniher they’re going to have to seize on every opportunity.

Do you think the 16-minute quarters will work in Essendon’s favour?

What I think this means for the Bombers is that they can leave their best mix of players on the ground longer without breaks. And there shouldn’t be any issues with not being able to run out games. Also: with the speed the Bombers have on their team — Fantasia, Saad, McKenna, Tipungwuti — the shorter quarters gives them breaks just in time when they might be gassed. Worsfold will still have to think about rotations.

Townsend is playing his 50th game this week. What did you make of his game against Fremantle?

He kicked three goals from nine kicks against Fremantle. It was impressive. He looked dangerous in that game each time the ball came near him. His hard-nut approach and big body will give the Bombers flexibility to play him forward with stints inside the midfield. I can’t wait to watch more of Townsend this year. He’s my new favourite player and he’s only played one game.

There will be no crowds at some games for the foreseeable future. How will this impact the Bombers?

After this week, the Bombers are in Melbourne against the Demons, Blues, Pies. It’s not really an issue yet. For most teams playing away, no crowds should neutralize the home advantage. Without the parochial and constant barracking it’s going to create more parity.

What’s up with Zerk-Thatcher breaking the rules around coronavirus?

He’s young. He’s 21. There were 16 Adelaide players who broke the rules too and didn’t get punished. There will be more young players who break the rules around coronavirus moving forward. It’s unfortunate. But he owned it. Zerk-Thatcher is a player that the Bombers need to get more games into and develop him as a replacement for Hurley or Hooker. He’s fine. Everything is fine.

The Bombers still haven’t won a final since 2004 and they’ve won 12 games in three consecutive years. What should Bomber fans expect from here, in a pandemic year?

With a clean bill of health the Bombers should be setting themselves up to win their first final in 16 years. Since 2009 their finals record has been putrid. They have scraped through to the finals five times for a 0-5 record and boast an average losing margin of 59.2. The worst defeat of that lot was in 2009 against the Crows to the tune of 96. It’s hard to predict what will happen in a pandemic year, where life is changing every day. So expect good weeks and bad weeks. I would say for this year, watch how the Bombers transition, how they defend, how the midfield holds up against intense pressure. Those are the areas they need to improve in.

__

Justin Robertson is a journalist who writes AFL + NBA features for publications including The Guardian, ESPN, Bleacher Report, VICE and Complex Magazine. You can follow him on Twitter @justinjourno

[haiitanis]

hi my loves! 💕

tw/cw: mentions of an abusive relationship, depression (nothing graphic, I just don’t want to catch anyone that the topic may be triggering for off guard)

I just wanted to take a minute to kinda explain my extended absence to everyone that’s stuck with me through it, kinda a little bit of a life update. 💓

While I was in Japan, I was in a really bad, abusive relationship, and unfortunately due to the circumstances I was there under, I wasn’t able to get out without losing literally everything. All of my belongings, my cat who I’ve had since I was 16, anything I couldn’t fit into two suitcases. So I waited it out (something I was only able to do because my ex wasn’t around much due to his work schedule) until earlier this year, when I was able to finally get everything approved for me to move back. I was able to get all of my stuff, myself and my cat out safely, and have spent the last six months finalizing my divorce and getting my life back together.

During what was one of the darkest periods of my life when I was struggling with depression worse than I ever had before, isolated from all of my family and most of my friends, this blog because the one bright light I had. It became a lifeline for me. Writing for all of you was an escape from my reality, and seeing how happy and excited you all were to read what I wrote for you truly brought me so much joy. None of you knew it then, but you all helped me so much, and I don’t think I’ll ever be able to truly express how thankful I am for all of you. All of the messages you ever sent me, those of you that offered me your friendship and support. You all hold a place in my heart and I am so grateful for all of you.

I’ve spent the last six months getting my life back together. I moved back into my parents house in California for a while, and have since moved out and gotten my own place here in San Diego. I have a job that I enjoy and am working towards becoming a microblading artist. I’m planning on going back to school next year and getting my bachelor’s degree so I can eventually go back to Japan as an English teacher, on my own terms this time. And as of about three weeks ago, I am officially, legally free from my ex. I’m finally getting to a good place mentally and emotionally.

I’m planning on making a bit of a comeback with writing, as well. I’ve been writing whenever I have the free time, and I have a lot in store for you. Thank you all for sticking with me through the long, unannounced hiatus. I’m baaaack! 💕