#well. we all need some faith. but once in a while also think about the world. sit with the hopelessness. this (american) cult of relentless

[tumblingxelian]

I intended to respond to this ages ago, I'm so sorry it got lost in tabs!

White Fang: I don't really agree with that stance on the White Fang/Faunus subpot. I think that while there was some major clumsy aspects to it, the overall theming, world building and ideas behind it work well.

RWBY actually acknowledges that addressing systemic bigotry is a long, frustrating and difficult task, not something that gets magically fixed with some speeches.

RWBY has different areas manifest different degree and methods f bigotry, from the tolerated/accepted harassment and presumptions of guilt in Vale. To the systemic oppression of a collective underclass in Atlas, with Faunus pushed even lower than impoverished humans to undercut class solidarity. Or the basically open-season, legalized but not well organized bigotry across Mistral with no Faunus signs and outright lynch mobs in the back woods.

RWBY doesn't presume that all rebels are good or bad, but does acknowledge violent movements can be very easy systems for bad faith actors to claim influence in, Which is historically supported, as the White Fang's fall can easily be compared to the corruption and fall of the IRA.

This isn't to say there weren't fuckups, the biggest of which was throwing away Sienna. But but overall I think the collective arc holds together a lot better than people accept.

Volume 1: My idea was more along the lines of Blake seeking out Velvet to see if she was all right, and Yang seeking out Blake & velvet for the same reason, but basically keeping herself out of their space once its clear she'd be intruding and giving them space. With a sort of quiet moment between her & Yang indicating "Yang knows" but she'll be letting Blake decide the pace of reveals.

Sun: The thing with Sun is that his main narrative roles were to serve as a sponge for exposition and on a more subtle level be someone inspired by Blake to care about Faunus politics. Or so I think.

When we meet Sun he's a petty party boy mostly interested in just dicking around and he has near ZERO grasp of Faunus history or politics. But in his association with Blake he learns, such as his initial response to Kuo Kuana, but also being told the reality of it.

Again, I think these aspects were made clumsy, by a mixture of factors, be they his role as comic relief, general himbo attitude and the un-needed pseudo romantic sub-plot. But conceptually there's merit to his presence both for the audience and themes of the story, he just wasn't executed that well I feel.

"Princess" Blake... Isn't a princess though? Ghira was chosen as Chief as far as I'm aware. The home she references outright has large chambers that are just filled with desks, this is more like a town hall that doubles as a house. What's more, Blake didn't exactly spend much if any significant time there anyway given she was busy being a child soldier.

There's a better post covering this topic, which talks about the cleverly subversive nature of Blake's origin, the foreshadowing and the fact it neatly avoids a ton of problematic tropes which I really like:

Hope this response was worth the wait!

fellow bees shippers i have a question. what is your own criticism to the ship? like, things you didn't like or you would have done different or added or removed ecc. including the interplay with blcksn and/or adam, not just blake and yang's relationship alone.

[ciaran]

narratives of american exceptionalism creep into every part of life

and there is just something extraordinary about seeing a bunch of people be so blissfully unaware of what it means, on a very fundamental level, to live in the heart of empire. it actually does not matter which way you vote, your government will commit and fund war crimes in other countries regardless. your voting blue makes not the least bit of difference to someone in another country who dies in the wreckage of american imperial projects. and your government works in the interests of american citizens. in the interest of the universal purchasing power of the dollar. in the way that the flow of global capital maneuvers to bring groceries to your supermarket shelves. and it doesn't matter what you feel about this, and it doesn't even matter how oppressed you are in the heart of empire, because you live in its centerfold and everyone always knows about your problems. i know exactly how complicated american life is, i know your movies and your cities and your music and even your laws, sometimes better than i can know my own, not because i wanted to see it but because i have to. because the narrative of America plays out everywhere, all the time. because there is a domination of civil and cultural life that america imposes on all the rest of the world, but somehow americans always think we know as little about them as they know about us. but i do know you. i have to know you. i am left with no choice. this is uncomfortable for me. i want you to feel uncomfortable about it too. a little discomfort is good for both of us.

[memento-morri-writes]

I've been thinking a lot about how Rook's reunion with his former mentor, Zara, is going to go, and since I can't predict what the DM is going to have her do or say, I can only dwell on what I know is going to happen. Which happens to include taking off the illusion ring that's been hiding his injuries from her. So have a snippet of the description I have planned for that moment:

tw for description of (mostly healed) injuries

He hesitates, twisting a ring on his finger. Looking at it more closely, she can tell it’s very finely crafted, and must have been very expensive. A large emerald is set into the band. Rook sighs, and pulls the ring off his finger in one quick motion.  Immediately she’s struck by the difference in his appearance as the illusion melts away. He looks awful. His warm, healthy skin fades to a dull and sickly grey. There’s huge bags under his deeply sunken eyes, and his cheeks are hollowed, as though they have been carved out by an overeager sculptor. He looks like he’s recently risen from the grave.  While he was thin before, now she can see his ribs under the skin, and his collarbones are exaggeratedly pronounce. Thin white lines left by dozens upon dozens of recently healed cuts are scattered across his body. On top of that, faded bruises cover most of his visible skin, a mottled mosaic of purple and yellow. They’re clearly days, maybe weeks old, and she can only begin to imagine what they must have looked like when fresh. Bandages are barely visible under his shirt, wrapping around his back, hinting at even more injuries.

[eamour]

method · affirming

no other manifestation method is this popular and used as many times as this method... you guessed it right, it's affirming! using affirmations to manifest, or in other words, thinking consciously and selectively has always been a great way to establish new assumptions.

definition

to affirm means to state something (usually positive) as true. affirmations have the purpose of increasing one's confidence or raising self-esteem by declaring a desired outcome. in manifesting, we affirm or use affirmations to simply remind ourselves of having our desires already. it simply means to think, but in a directed, desired way rather than letting thoughts pass you by. all in all, you can spot affirmations based on their structure. "i am loved" or "my desires are mine" could be possible affirmations. 

how to affirm

there are two ways to affirm: affirming can be done either verbally or non-verbally, meaning, you can affirm out loud or just think quietly. both are just as effective and work just as well.

when and where to affirm

there is no universal rule that tells you when you are supposed to affirm. you can repeat affirmations in your mind whenever you get bored, while doing the chores or take a break to meditate and affirm for a specific period of time. repetition, however, is important to form new beliefs and to strengthen your faith in them.

how often to affirm

again, it's totally up to you. some people have a schedule for each moment of the day where they decide to do their affirmative mantra, some have hourlong affirming sessions, some do it every hour, some do it only a couple times a day... and some only whenever they think of their desire.

which tense to affirm in

you can use any tense. you can state that you had your desires since forever, have them now or will have them in the future. since we only ever experience the present moment — and because past and future don't exist — most people tend to affirm in present tense. past tense affirmations usually tend to play a bigger role when revising your past experiences. future tense affirmations on the other hand work just as fine, especially when you are manifesting something that's supposed to happen "in the future". 

past tense · "i have always been pretty"

present tense · "i am pretty now"

future tense · "i will forever be pretty"

which kind to affirm with 

there are different ways an affirmation can look like.

i-affirmations · affirmations that start with "i", usually in combination with "have" or "am". for example, "i am the best" or "i have it all".

askfirmarions · affirmations disguised as questions. for example, "why am i so pretty?".

umbrella affirmations · general affirmations that are often used to imply that you have all of your desires. they also help a lot when being unsure or indecisive about what you want to manifest, which is why they commonly address multiple desires at once. for example, "everything i want is mine already".

which way to affirm from

in terms of belief, there are two ways to affirm:

affirming to remind · affirming with believing.

affirming from lack or affirming to get · affirming without believing.

depending on your beliefs about yourself, your desire and the method you are using (in this case, affirming), both may work for you. if you believe that you need to believe in your affirmations for them to manifest, you can only be successful with 'affirming to remind'. if you believe that you can affirm regardless of your belief in the affirmation, you will be successful with both, 'affirming to get' and 'affirming to remind'.

why affirming works 

the reason behind why this works is because, once again, it is called the law of assumption. what you assume to be true, has to be true. your assumptions do not only create your life and reflect your mind, they also dictate and describe the way you manifest. after all, you define everything.

note

affirming is a a manifestation method. and the thing about methods is that you do them because you want to do them. because you enjoy doing them. thus, do whatever feels comfortable and natural to you. affirm whatever, whenever, wherever, however and how often you like. there are no set rules. don't force yourself to affirm. don't stress yourself either. you don't need to do it perfectly. it's less about perfecting it but more about feeling the wish fulfilled, living in the end and embracing the new story.

with love, ella.

[nvrsaidiwasinurcloset]

Have Faith In Me - GF!Ethan Landry x Fem!Reader - Part 1

I said I'd never let you go, and I never did. I said I'd never let you fall, and I always meant it.

This contains SMUT - Minors DNI

Summary: After leaving Woodsboro for a fresh start, you’re shaken up when Ghostface resurfaces. Little did you know, the person you were in love with is a part of it.

Contains: Oral - f receiving, p in v, unprotected sex(pulling out thooo), angst at the end💁🏼‍♀️

Word Count: 2.7k

A/N: I NEEDED to write another Ghostface Ethan fic. And then I realized I don’t have a series yet where he’s the bad guy, so here ya go💕Also, still working on Creep part 2 even though its been a while(I think I made it a little too much lmao).

You were never supposed to know that Ethan had a part in why people were being murdered, at least not yet. He was disappointed in himself for being so careless, so stupid. His thoughts were racing as he tried to think of anything he could say to you to make you want to keep quiet. He knew his dad and sister would be furious if their plan was destroyed because of Ethan’s negligence, but he was more worried about your safety, which he’d already begged his family for.

It started off as a normal day. Well, not really. After two students and a professor were killed close to campus, your morning classes had been cancelled for the day. With the recent killings, you didn’t want to be alone. You called Ethan, your boyfriend’s groggy voice making you smile once he answered.

“Were you still sleeping?” you asked, as he yawned.

“Classes are cancelled. What else am I supposed to do?” he asked, as you giggled. “Wait, what are you doing today? Are you by yourself?”

“Yeah, I was going to call Tara, but I know she’s probably exhausted from being questioned all night,” you said, as he dramatically scoffed at your words.

“So I was the second person you wanted to call,” he said, the fake annoyance in his voice making you roll your eyes. “You should come to my dorm. We can cuddle, watch movies, and Chad’s not here so we can do some other stuff, too.”

“I can’t believe you’re suggesting sex when there’s someone out here killing people. That’s one of the first rules, don’t have sex,” you said, as Ethan started to chuckle.

“Okay, Mindy,” he teased, “You sounded just like her for a second.”

“Hey, I want to live, and I want you to live, too,” you said, as you slid your shoes on your feet. “I’m leaving now, I’ll be at your dorm soon.”

Your dorm was only one building away from Ethan’s, so the walk was very short, and the sun was shining, but you were still nervous as you walked a little faster to get to his dorm, just in case. You’d had previous encounters with Ghostface in Woodsboro, and after Judy was killed right in front of her house in the middle of the day, you felt like you could never be too careful.

When you made it to Ethan’s dorm, you knocked before the door opened, a sleepy smile on his face as he stepped to the side to let you come in. He was shirtless, his flannel pajamas hanging lowly on his hips. You bit your lip for a second as you checked him out, before he cleared his throat.

Your eyes snapped from his abs to his face, his lips twisted into a smirk as you felt your blush spread across your cheeks.

"You checking me out?" he teased as he walked over to you, his hand going underneath your chin to tilt your head up before he leaned down to kiss you.

"Mhm," you mumbled into the kiss. He stood there, his lips on yours for a minute before he pulled away.

He sat on his bed, making grabby hands at you as you sat down beside him. When he laid back to relax his head on the pillows, you moved with him, your head resting on his chest as your legs tangled with his.

"Do you want to talk about what's going on? With the Ghostface stuff?" he asked after a few minutes of silence. "I know this must be scarier for you than it is for me."

You sighed as his hand ran over your hip, thinking about how terrifying everything was in Woodsboro the year before. You were trying so hard to not think too much into it, because you were sure you survived last time out of pure luck, and the odds of you making it out unscathed again wasn't very likely.

You didn't even know your eyes were watering until the tears trickled, running over your cheekbone before they made it to Ethan's bare chest.

"Hey, are you okay?" Ethan asked, as you sat up and placed your face in your hands. He sat up, too, pulling your hands away so he could see you. Guilt for what he and his family had done and everything they still had to do punched him in the chest once he saw your panicked, red eyes, and your bottom lip quivering. "I won't let anything happen to you, baby."

"I just can't believe this is happening. We thought leaving Woodsboro meant we would never have to deal with this again," you said, your voice shaking as Ethan offered a sympathetic smile. "When I tried to sleep last night, all I could see behind my eyelids was Sam's psycho boyfriend running at me with his knife."

Ethan shook his head, trying to remain calm. He knew Richie tried to kill you that night before he met you, because he read all the police reports and files his dad got after everything happened. At first, you were supposed to be just another body that was going to drop before the Kirsch family fled the country. At least, that was the plan before Ethan fell in love with you.

"I promise you, you're going to be okay. I won't let anything happen to you," he said, a small sob slipping past your lips.

"You can't promise that nothing will happen to me, Ethan," you said, wiping the tears off your cheeks. "Just like I can't promise that nothing will happen to you."

Ethan pulled you close to him before he kissed the top of your head.

"I don't want you to be alone. If you aren't with me, I want you with someone at all times, okay?" he said, as you nodded. "Are you going to Tara's when I have to leave for Econ later?"

"Yeah, will you walk me there before you go to class tonight?"

"Of course, baby."

You still had a few hours before he had to leave for class, so you cuddled up with him and decided to watch something funny to lighten the somber mood. As you and Ethan laughed, the terrifying reality that was your life wasn't weighing as heavy on your mind, because you really did feel safe with him. You knew he'd protect you if it came down to it.

You kept stealing glances at your boyfriend's still-shirtless body, paying extra attention to the way his arms flexed whenever he shifted beside you. It didn't take long for Ethan to notice, and once he realized that you had stopped watching the movie and was more interested in watching him, he leaned over to shut his laptop.

"Do you not want to watch the movie anymore?" you asked, as you quickly looked up to look at his face, the same smirk from earlier back on his lips.

"It didn't seem like you did," he teased, as he leaned in to kiss you. "Do you think oral counts in the whole 'Don't have sex' thing?"

"Is this your way of asking me to suck your dick?" you said, laughing a little as he bit his bottom lip.

"No, this is me asking to eat you out," he said, your eyes growing wide at his words, your breath hitching in your throat. "If you want me to."

"I don't think oral counts," you said, your smirk matching his before he pushed you back and hovered over you, connecting his lips to yours. "We do have to leave soon-ish, though, if you're going to walk me to Tara's before class."

"I have plenty of time to make you cum," he mumbled against your lips, before he pulled away to sit up.

His hands went to your leggings, hooking his fingers under the waistband before he slid them down your thighs. After they were off, his hand went straight to your pussy, teasing you as he rubbed you over the material that was getting wetter by the second in between your legs.

You relaxed under his touch, your legs spreading wider for him as he added a little more pressure. One of Ethan's favorite things in bed was teasing you, because he loved how whiny your voice sounded when you couldn't take it anymore, but as he thought more about the time he didn't have, he quickly pulled your panties down, leaving the lower half of your body exposed to him.

He scooted further down the bed, and once he was settled between your thighs, his eyes connected with your needy ones. He watched you as his tongue connected with your pussy, your mouth parting as you took a deep breath.

One of your hands lazily rested in his curls as he placed gentle licks to your clit, every thought running through your mind fading as you focused on how he was making you feel. The anticipation for him to do more had your skin tingling, but before you had the chance to say anything, his mouth moved lower, his tongue dipping inside your dripping pussy.

He was alternating between swirling his tongue inside of you and licking from your entrance to your clit, your hips squirming at the feeling as he tried to keep you still.

"Fuck," you moaned, your hand tangled tightly in his hair as you looked down at him. His mouth moved even faster, eating your pussy like he was craving it. He sucked your clit into his mouth, the delicious pressure making your back arch off the bed. "Oh my god," you whimpered, his teeth gently grazing it before he sucked a little harder.

Ethan knew that feeling was starting to build as he watched you, your brows furrowing, your whimpers slipping out through the corners of your mouth as your teeth tightly held your bottom lip. You felt his fingers prodding at your entrance before he slid his middle and ring ringer into you with ease, and he wasted no time to curve them, making sure to hit that spot.

"So close," you whimpered, as he chuckled with your clit in his mouth and kept going.

Your hand in his hair was shaking, your toes were curling against his sheets, your breathing was so heavy. Ethan loved seeing you like this, so close to the edge, and knowing he was the one that was making you feel that pleasure made his cock throb even harder than it already was.

He pressed his fingers a little harder, the feeling making your eyes roll back as you whined out, the hot feeling spreading across your body as your thighs clenched around his head. You were a whimpering mess as your body rocked from the waves of pleasure running through it.

As you came down from your high, your body relaxing against his bed as he pulled away, he watched you in awe as you caught your breath. He always thought you were beautiful, but your post-orgasm glow was his favorite. You lazily opened your eyes to see him staring at you, a smile playing on your lips.

"I know it's against the rules, but I need to have you inside of me," you said, as he laughed and slid his pajamas and boxers down in one swift motion.

"Condom or no condom?" he asked, waiting for your answer before he crawled on top of you.

"Just pull out," you said, a smirk playing on your lips as he quickly got settled between your legs.

"We have to be quick," he said, glancing over at the Star Wars clock on his night stand. "Is that okay?"

"Mhm," you said, as he slid inside of you.

He gave you a minute, his thrusts slow as your pussy adjusted to his size, before he sped up. You clung to his biceps as his hands were pressed flatly against his bed on either side of you, the tip of his cock slamming into your g-spot with every snap of his hips.

"Shit," you whimpered through your clenched teeth, your legs wrapping around his waist so he could go even deeper.

It didn't take long for your eyes to start rolling back again, the words you were trying to say coming out as babbles that Ethan couldn't understand.

"Look at you, so drunk off my cock," he teased, as you quickly nodded your head, your moans getting louder as he slid in and out of you. "Taking it so fucking well."

He grunted once he felt your nails dig into his arm, the stinging sensation turning him on even more. He went faster, and before you had the chance to process that you were about to cum, your body started to jolt, a loud cry flying out of your mouth as your pussy clenched him.

"Fuck, gonna cum," he moaned, before he pulled out.

As soon as he did, the realization that you were still wearing your shirt hit him as he covered it in his cum. You were too caught up in coming down from your own orgasm that you didn't notice, until Ethan started laughing to himself.

"What?" you asked, your breathing still labored as he shook his head and ran his hand through his curls.

"Uh...you wanna borrow a shirt before we leave?" he asked, as you glanced down to look at your shirt before you started laughing.

"Please," you said, as he leaned down to place a kiss to your lips.

He helped you get off his bed before he grabbed the clothes he wanted to wear out of the laundry basket full of stuff he hadn't folded yet, as you walked over to his dresser to search for your favorite shirt of his.

His back was turned towards you, but once he heard the drawer open, his head snapped in your direction, his heart pounding in his chest as you placed your hand over your mouth.

You saw the knife with the dried blood on it resting on top of his folded shirts, your eyes growing wide as your stomach felt queasy. You hesitantly turned your head to him, your eyes watering as he stepped closer.

"Baby," he said softly, as you took a step back. "This isn't what it looks like."

"So that's not a fucking bloody knife in your dresser?" you snapped, as he darted towards you, wincing at the loudness of your voice before his hand covered over your mouth.

"Shut the fuck up," he whispered, his eyes wide as he backed you towards the wall.

In that moment, you knew the person you were in love with was a psycho, fear coursing through your veins as his dark eyes looked into yours.

"I can't explain everything right now," he said, his face softening as his hand was still pressed against you. "But nothing's going to happen to you. You can't say anything, baby. You need to keep quiet, it's the only way I can keep you safe."

You hesitantly nodded, the tears running down your face pooling against the side of his hand. You were trying so hard to choke back your sobs as he groaned.

"I'm so fucking stupid," he said, as he took a deep breath. "If I let go of your mouth, will you be quiet?"

You nodded again, as he slowly pulled his hand away. You glanced at the floor as he stood in front of you, your chin quivering as he sighed.

"Baby, I'm sorry," he said, as he placed his hand under your chin and lifted your head to face him. You were still refusing to make eye contact. "I'm serious about you not saying anything. I'd never hurt you, but who I'm working with would. You know how long it took for me to convince them that you didn't need to die?"

You took a shaky breath as you looked at the person you thought you knew really well a few minutes ago, the realization hitting you that you don't know him at all.

"Can I trust you to not say anything?" he asked, a few more tears slipping past your lash line as you nodded. "I'll tell you everything later, okay?"

"Okay," you whispered, as he walked over to grab a shirt out of the drawer that was still open, and handed it to you.

"You need to get dressed, baby. I'm going to be late for class."

[qqueenofhades]

I think the Aaron Sorkin fic people are writing about the convention to be extremely silly. It's going to be Biden. And if Biden's health takes a downturn and he feels the need to step down its going tk be Harris. This fantasy where we skip over her to whip up two random white guys(or like maaaybe Witmer) and somehow cruise to victory instead of fragmenting the party months before the election is simply not going to happen.

Look, I'm just saying, I got an email from the Biden campaign this morning where they seemed pretty darn happy with the actual (i.e. not-bloviating media) results of the debate: $38 million raised in 4 days ($30 million from individual small-dollar donors), 10K new volunteers in a week, 3x surge in campaign volunteers for battleground states, essentially no change or even a modest boost in the polls. So I think at this point, we can cautiously conclude the following things:

The debate looked bad for Biden, perhaps, but doesn't seem to have hurt him nearly as much the incredibly bad-faith BIDEN NEEDS TO STEP DOWN NOW takes being pumped out by the NYT and its other compatriots would suggest. Especially when these same media outlets have been gleefully sabotaging Biden at every turn for years already and whose fake-sanctimonious hand-wringing "for the good of the nation" pieces honestly should get them dropped into Superhell for Bad Journalists;

Biden went to Raleigh NC right after the debate and gave a fiery rally speech that was very well received. Now, I don't know why we didn't have that Biden at the debate, but it was the same night and there clearly was not any "cOgnItiVe dEcLinE" happening there (also Biden has a stutter and has for literally his entire life, and had a cold on debate night, so it was just an unfortunate confluence of factors)

There are very few actually undecided voters in this election (once again: HOW???) and those who tuned into the debate were largely already convinced of which candidate they were voting for and this didn't do much to change their minds. Just like, you know, pretty much every other debate in the history of presidential elections.

Ordinary voters, and not mainstream media outlets with BIDEN IZ BAD goggles clamped over their eyes, were able to see Trump's insane Gish gallops, lies, and full-blown dementia; this isn't going to get any better for him when he's already lost 20%-25% of GOP voters in every state primary and still is going to be sentenced in his criminal trial;

The D.C. political elite screaming about how Biden should step down (FOUR MONTHS BEFORE THE ELECTION) and leave the Democrats to start from scratch with some Star Chamber-selected candidate with no money and no incumbency record and no organization apparatus and a divided party are either fucking weapons grade morons or working secretly for Trump, because that IS in fact the best way to lose the election;

Such speculation seems to fall chiefly on Gavin Newsom, who (to his credit) has shut down any and all suggestion that he should try to step in and take the place of an incumbent who has won every state primary with 90% or more, because he's remotely sane and understands that this year is too important to fuck around with;

I've somehow never seen any suggestion that Biden should step aside for the duly elected (brown, female) Vice President, because everyone seems to think some Young Miraculous White Guy is coming and/or should step in;

All this while SCOTUS is clearly so confident of Trump getting back in that it's willing to grant him Absolute God King status pre- and post-emptively;

Yes, Biden needs to up his game before the next debate (though that's on Fox News iirc, blargh), but I think it's far enough post-debate that we can say it was bad but did not sink him, and if anything, reinforced the fact to many ordinary, non-brainwormed voters that Biden is old (which has been the number one chief theme of news coverage for four years and is no surprise to anyone) but is a decent and principled man doing a good job, while Trump is an absolute gibbering insane orange shitmonger fascist. I don't think he did himself any favors in that regard.

....anyway. The point is, do not be fucking insane people, Biden is not going to step down and frankly shouldn't, don't read the NYT (as noted, they've openly admitted to sabotaging him for personal ego reasons so I don't know why the hell anyone would listen to what they have to say about him), this is still an eminently winnable election, and let's go get those motherfucking fascists. I want Trump in jail and all of SCOTUS and the MAGAGOP fucking crying over it because they fucking suck. Let's go.

[badwolfrose34]

Girl in the Fireplace Rant (cont.)

There was at least some engagement on my last post about this so I decided I will in fact post a follow up. GitF was 100% a bad faith episode. Moffat wrote it because he is classist and misogynistic and hates Rose. Unfortunately, part of his purpose for the episode was to show that the Doctor will always prefer a “classy” aristocrat over Rose and he wanted to have her treated as nothing. So, all of us Rose fans have to come up with a headcanon that undermines the writer’s intentions.

I think the most common one is to believe the episode was the Doctor’s attempts to push Rose away because of her mortality and how that scares him.

That never worked for me because a major part of the Doctor’s character is his protectiveness. He would never push her away to the point of danger or abandonment. For me, I feel that fictional or not, the actions of the Doctor in that episode would be entirely unforgivable if they did happen. So my headcanon is that this episode was a nightmare Rose had.

If you are like me are also one of the fans for whom the pushing her away theory doesn’t work, read on for my explanation of why I don’t think GitF could be an actual event within canon. Moffat may be a BBC writer but it doesn’t give him a right to completely undermine the show, it doesn’t actually belong to anyone outside of financial concerns. If you’re content with believing he needed to push Rose away and that the episode did happen, you can ignore this.

Why the events GitF did not happen within canon (but could’ve happened as a nightmare)

1. Doctor Who canon is very loose as it is. With multiple writers across multiple mediums, things do contradict each other and us as fans get to decide for ourselves what fits with canon and what does not.

2. The Doctor has been clearly shown to be in love with Rose. He is protective of her to the point that if a decision will kill everyone else but give her even a slight chance of survival, he can’t actually make that decision. He almost did in Dalek, but after she didn’t get through the barricade the first time he was incapable of significantly reducing her safety for the good of everyone else. He snapped awake from a regeneration coma just because Rose said “help me”. He freaked out when Cassandra had her body and again in Tooth and Claw when she was in trouble. If you count Stone Rose that almost certainly took place before GitF and he once again, lost his mind over Rose being a statue.

I do understand seeing Sarah Jane age freaked him out. And I could’ve understood him distancing himself from Rose a bit in some way. But his instinct to protect her is so strong he’d never sacrifice her safety to push her away. Leaving her alone with clockwork for an extended period of time while he partied and invented drinks is impossible enough. Let alone the way he believed he’d have no way back to the ship when he went through the time window for the last time. Not only had he just promised she could spend the rest of her life with him, but her and Mickey would’ve likely died alone on that abandoned spaceship.

Simply, it’s just too out of character to happen within the rest of the Ninth and Tenth Doctors’ canon.

3. The horse. I have been a big horse person my entire life. Horses have extremely strong flight instincts. Even the most trusting and well trained horse in the world is never going to jump through reinforced glass. I do realize as Sci Fi fans we have to suspend disbelief for a lot of things. But we are never given an explanation as to why this horse would behave so dramatically differently from another horse. Every bizarre thing we accept in the DW universe is explained to some extent. There is a book where the Doctor tames a horse with psychic paper. But that horse is never asked to violate its instincts. That horse behaves as any other tame horse behaves. That is an example of acceptable DW suspension of belief. There is still a sci fi/alien technical explanation and I can absorb it. I cannot absorb a horse jumping through a firm glass window unless they were running from something even scarier. No matter how well trained a horse is, it’s not jumping through glass just because a humanoid asked them to. Nothing was chasing Arthur and his body language did not suggest any kind of fear to indicate he was running from something even scarier. All the droids were already in the other side of the window as well. It’s simply bizarre and impossible, even in a sci fi snow. Within this very show the Doctor states you can’t hypnotize someone beyond their survival instincts. I believe this applies to horses and a horse’s instincts is to avoid jumping through or into a reinforced barrier.

Next, we are given no explanation as to how this horse jumped through glass unscathed. Glass that was said to be so strong only a truck could break through. Horses are also extremely delicate and many have fatally injured themselves just playing in the paddock. Even for injuries not that extreme, every horse person knows that even small things result in giant vet bills.

Finally, it is once again grossly out of character for the Doctor to take a living animal and make them do something he previously calculated would required a truck.

4. Things are back to normal as if the episode never happened by the Rise of the Cybermen. If the Doctor had really developed feelings for another woman so strong that he would leave Rose for dead, then lost her, would he just be back to being the same old Doctor the very next episode? I doubt it. The Doctor is also a character known for holding on to guilt. Even if Reinette was mechanism to push Rose away, the way he abandoned her would’ve caused enough guilt he wouldn’t just be normal the very next episode. The show carries on as if Reinette never happened because Reinette never happened.

The only reference to that GitF is some clockwork droids in John Smith’s journal. Which could be explained by another encounter with the droids or by the Doctor looking at Rose’s mind to see the nightmare. Which would be an intimate enough moment to imprint on John Smith’s subconscious. The words “a girl in every fireplace” can once again refer to the Doctor seeing Rose’s nightmare or another off screen adventure entirely. There is no reference strong enough to confirm the actual events of GitF ever happened. The show functions exactly the same way without it. Because, it never happened.

5. The events of the show make perfect sense as a nightmare in Rose’s head. Take it from someone with a degree in psychology. Rose has abandonment wounds from Jimmy Stone. She also has abandonment wounds from her father dying when she was too young to understand it. School Reunion, the episode right before GitF triggers her abandonment wounds by making her see the Doctor has previously left companions and did not come back for them. It also makes her wonder if she is special to the Doctor. These doubts combined with her past trauma are a perfect recipe for her to have a bizarre nightmare where she gets abandoned in the most horrific way after the events of School Reunion.

I will leave you all with my fic where this was all a nightmare. Or you can write your own if you prefer. My point is that for those who feel the way I do about this episode, we do not have to accept the events as canon. We do not have to believe the Doctor has ever treated Rose this way except in her worst nightmares.

Update to address Deep Breath:

1. Doctor mentioned seeing clockwork droids before, but we know that the Doctor has many off screen adventures. He could’ve encountered the droids at any other point in his entire life besides GitF.

2. As for that episode stating the SS Madame De Pompadour existed, that still doesn’t confirm anything. There was a real life ship called the USS Queen of France. This was named for Marie Antoinette. Jackie dated a sailor once and Rose had a friend named Keisha whose brother was a sailor. This means Rose could’ve heard one of them discussing historical naval ships. This how she would imagine a ship named after Madame de Pompadour in the first place. She and the people who built the SS Madame de Pompadour and SS Marie Antoinette would’ve simply drawn inspiration from the same place. Also, there’s the fact that someone named a fictional ship Titan many years before Titanic ever existed.

Update 2: Rose was going to get an A level in French if she hadn’t run off with Jimmy. So she could’ve reasonably been familiar with some aspects of French history and able to imagine all of these things in a dream, even if it wasn’t a historically accurate dream, everyone knows weird things happen in dreams.

[cloudluvrrr]

Past.

a/n: YALL WANTED THIS BAD OMG so pt 2 to my before fic, basically it goes a little further back and a lot more in detail after his planet blew up :3. This one’s long! But Tysm :)

Past boothill x reader ft some headcannons. (Gender neutral w some fem indication later on)

forwards reckon rebound

--

-Boothill was a sweet kid, a little dumb at times but he always gave his effort. Always curious and helping out on his families farm, helping his dads with his siblings as hes the 3rd oldest .

-He never gave much trouble as a kid, always listening other than sleeping in more or sleeping on hay sometimes.

-his family wasn't made of money, but he always had everything he needed or want.

-Growing up with the idea girls had cooties...as he eats crayons.

-he learns guitar as he got one for christmas, he goes to the local church to learn how to play it. He'd bring his scuffed up cd player to show the teacher the songs he wanted to learn.

-His parents take him out every weekend, teaching him how to hunt, ride a horse or how to shoot a gun.

-he has a habit of looking off into the distance. Wide eyes as he looked off into the sunset wondering what was beyond his small family and tribe.

-He loves stories, often reading picture books at the library or getting one of his parents too read it to him before bed. As well as sneaking into his dads room to watch his shows, his favorite being of an outlaw.

-His family went to church once in awhile, but always went during christmas. Boothill hated dressing up, but he loved the songs. When he learned guitar would join as well, playing christmas songs.

-Everyone in town knew him, he was always making a name for himself.

--

-You'd show up in his life while he was in school, messily drawing on his math paper (instead of doing it) with his tongue out as the teacher announced a new student. As you were a new student in 3th grade, boothill being boothill would introduce himself as the class sheriff to impress you.

"I'm Boothill, the class sheriff! I keep everyone in line, and make sure they all do what they're supposed too!" he said in a confident tone puffing out his chest.

-Thats where it all began.

--

-the teacher put you beside him which made him often pout and utter that you had cooties, while he didn’t do his work.

-he often ‘patrolled’ during recess but in reality no one wanted to play with him. (Since he had two dads and he looked nothing like them) they didn’t like how different he was from them. So he decided to give you a shot, since you also only sat on the swing set.

‘Hey..’ he said with a slight frown ‘..I’m not busy today patrollin’ wanna play’ he asked looking away with a small dust of pink on his cheeks

‘..sure, you can push me’ you said perking up

—

-after that you’d always sit on the swing set together, as he’s talk about anything and everything. How he didn’t like waking up early, how his youngest sibling kicked him in the shin, his horse, how Nick complimented his shooting. He loved talking about his family

‘..maybe you should come over.. you’d like the meatloaf my daddy makes’ he said kicking his feet against the dirt ‘if you want too.. it’s a big White House with a barn ‘bout 10 minutes from town’

‘I’ll ask about it, I’d like to see your animals. All we have right now is chickens, and they get annoying’

You went to his farm, his family was happy he'd made a friend. That was the first of many visits!

--

-You two soon became inseparable as you grew older and closer, everyone in town knew when one was around the other probably was too.

-Always going to school festivals together, shopping, staying out at night, laying in fields at night looking at the constellations, coming home wet from splashing each other with water.

-It was a romance from the novels you read, the only part left was the confession. You often thought about it, 'maybe this week..' you'd think as another day went by and he hadn't confessed.

-Until that faithful day

-The sun was setting, it was a day like any other. He seemed a bit on edge but it was normal.

-

He was sitting up, his chin resting on his shoulder as he stared out at the cornfield near his house mindlessly. The sky a peachy tint as you laid on his sheets, looking up at him admiring his long hair and jawline. '...I like you" he said softly his gaze never leaving the window.

'really?' you couldn't believe it, finally it happened. 'I like you too, ya know' you replied still admiring his figure. His gaze meets yours and eventually his lips. The same lips that introduced himself in the past, chapped yet soft.

You'd never felt more in love.

-

-the next few weeks didn't change much, kisses here and there and he'd get more touchy. But he also spoke more about the future, how he wanted to either build or fix a older house. He wanted a small family, a farm and barn animals.

'I'd like to fix up that house at the end of town" he said leaning against the barn door looking off into the distance once more, as you looked over his barn cats kittens. 'You think you could?' you add standing up and leaning in front of him

'Yeah, make it all nice and pretty for you' and smile wrapping a hand around your waist. 'A pretty kitchen, cozy livin' room, big room..' he said with a small giggle kissing your nose.

'it'd be a dream baby'

-Soon after he told you he was dropping out of school, he was 17 and decided he didn’t need to further his education. And just help out his dads on the farm, while he scrapped together some money. You were mad, but understood he had a different path and mind than yours. Even if you tried arguing with him that he only needed 2 more years to graduate, he’d blow it off and just go fix his truck.

-but while you were at school getting educated (weirdo) he eventually fixed up the old house at the end of town he always spoke about. He’d also made a small ring, with a single stone on it. He could afford a real promise ring, but he thought this one was more special. Even carving their initials on it.

-one day when you both were old enough, and you were out of school be finally brought you to the home. And promising to stay by your side.

‘Your lyin’ you said looking at the delicate ring

‘..no? I want you to be by my side, while I save up for your weddin’ ring’ he said softly slipping it onto your finger.

‘Cause your my past present and future’ he said pressing pecks all over your face.

-soon you both lived together, slowly building your life on the farm, getting chickens, moving his horse from his family’s farm to your forever home. It was a dream all over again

-it was mundane, you would tend or the animals and boothill would fix things and do the heavy work or sometimes you’d do the heavy lifting and when he’d leave for a few days. At the end of the night you’d lay in bed together. You wouldn’t have it another way.

-when there wasn’t work done he’d sit out under a tree playing his guitar, watching you put his shirts on the clothes line. As he hummed and played love songs.

He’d sneak up on you snatching you into his arms and tackling you into the grass. As he admired your laughing face.

-19 was when he found the baby girl in the cold, lost in thought. When he heard the cry, and your lives changed once more. Now a family of 3.

-it was hard, you didn’t make much money. But his family had hand me downs, boothills old crib and toys. You’d sew her dresses, boothill would attempt at making hats and mittens for her as well.

They were always too big, and he’d say she’d grow into them while the girl sucked on the fluffy oversized mitten in his arms. Looking up at him with wide eyes, he wasn’t even 20 and he felt fulfilled.

-when she was a little older and starting to crawl around and walk a little, he carved her a small cherry wood guitar.

She couldn’t play it, but when he had his out he gave her the small guitar so she could ‘play’ along side him.

-he loved the days where he’d sit outside and the little one was waddling around picking up dandelions and handing them to him

‘Oh for me? Their so pretty darlin’’ he smiled softly ruffling the girls hair and letting her waddle around more as she babbled to herself.

-sometimes he’d think of leaving but

-it was all perfect, a house he’d fixed, a barn with animals, his perfect lover, a daughter, all he needed was to make it official. An engagement ring.

-he was saving for months, finally he had the money to buy the one you were eyeing at the store.

‘I’m going to the market’ he announced putting the bills in his wallet.

‘Can’t I join? I got a bad feelin’ Boothill, them ipc people don’t like the town’ you said.

He hesitated ‘it’s just my usual errand nothing special’ he replied kissing you. ‘I’ll be back take care of her for me’ he smiled kissing the girls cheek.

—

Only to return to ashes, he’d heard two workers joke about this very tragedy. He thought nothing of it. Not till he heard the explosions, and saw the flames. He couldn’t bring himself to go inside, he can’t imagine what it was like.

He couldn’t bring himself to tears, those twenty years he’d spend building his life with you gone.

The ashes of your once blue home, the farm on fire. He couldn’t bring himself to search for your bodies, he barely made it to find your family pictures.

He didn’t sleep, for 3 days and then he slept for 3 days straight. Before leaving behind two crosses over the sight.

And he finally left the planet, he spent a few months searching before he found a doctor that could help him.

He decided he needed to end his life, to kill his current self. Leave his past, and that’s exactly what he did. His mechanic fixed him.

All he remembers is the taste of metallic in his mouth and seeing his heart removed, as he died.

His rebirth into Boothill

—

Basically a yap session and excuse to talk ab him again after the 2.6 story line :P might add or not

Hope you enjoyed 😣

tags :3

@jassy-ine @shuzoku @sneakylilbartender @kita-01 @edxo @blueangelstone

[w2soneshots]

Early -W2S

words: 1.9k+

warnings: pregnancy, birth.

summary: the boys surprise you with one last trip before you and Harry become parents but it doesn’t go as expected.

notes: hey! Haven’t done one for bog in ages so here’s the longest one shot I’ve ever written to make up for it😚. This was a request and I think it turned out really cute, enjoy🫶🏼💕

Liked by ksi and 205,381 others

y/username: one last trip🫶🏼

Tagged: @wroetoshaw @behzingagram @tobjizzle @faithlousak

-comments-

taliamar: can't wait to see you!😘

-> y/username: hurry up!!

faithloisak: no not that pic pahahaha

y/nfanpage21: are they all on a trip together??🥺

user41095623: the horse🫶🏼

Me and Harry have been together for around 7 years and got married a two and a half years ago. We had a very private wedding with just our closest friends and family. Over a year after we got married we decided that we were ready for a baby and were really excited about it. It took just a few months before I had a positive pregnancy test in my hand. I told Harry that night and he was elated. Everyone has been so supportive and the girls are so excited. We also decided to keep the baby's gender a secret so have only been buying gender neutral clothes.

Last month the boys surprised me and Harry with a three day long trip to a huge lodge/ house in wales, the reason it isn't somewhere extravagant (like usual) is because I'm almost 36 weeks pregnant and can't fly. It's going to be JJ, Simon, Josh, Tobi, Ethan, Harry, Freya, Talia, Faith, Olive and me, unfortunately Vik wasn't able to make it due to being busy abroad DJing. Since we're going to be pretty busy once we have a baby the boys wanted to have one last trip before we become parents.

This morning I got up early and got ready. Since we're going to be in the car for a few hours I put on some jeans and a simple white top. Then Harry got up, took a shower and once all our bags were in the car, we left.

Faith called me after a few minutes of driving, "hey!" She said excitedly. "Hi! We just left." I replied. "Same, it took ages to get Olive in the car. One second she was in tears, then she needed her nappy changed... that'll be you soon." She laughed. I sighed "can't wait." I said sarcastically. She giggled "well, I'll see you there!" "Bye!" And with that I put the phone down.

After almost a three hour drive we finally arrived at our destination. Harry got out and quickly ran around the front of the car to help me out. "Hey!" Me and Harry turned around to see Tobi walking towards us. "Alright mate?" Harry asked as they did their little bro handshake. "Ye great, how are you too?" He pulled me into a quick hug. "Really good! I'm excited to have some time to relax and this place is beautiful!" I answered. Before anything else was said Ethan's car pulled up. Faith jumped out excitedly and quickly ran to give me a hug while Ethan got Olive from the back seat. "Hi!" Faith exclaimed. I smiled "how was your drive?" I asked. Faith went on to tell me about the fact Olive was crying the entire time, up until the last five minutes when she inconveniently fell asleep.

I took a picture of the boys outside the house and sent it to the group chat along with a caption telling them to hurry up. JJ arrived a few minutes later, then Josh and Freya. Talia text the group saying that they were going to be late. So we decided to go on a walk and explore.

We grabbed our coats and started walking, Olive being carried by Ethan. After just five minutes we ran into a dog who seemed to be all by himself. Just as Faith knelt down to pet it I pulled my phone out and told her to pose for a picture. She awkwardly smiled at the camera and we all burst out laughing. The owner started running towards us a few seconds later "oh my gosh. I'm so sorry!" She said after calling her dog over. Faith smiled "don't worry about it."

As we continued walking we spotted a beautiful horse in a field across from the one we were in, both me Faith and Freya took a photo. Then we made our way back to the house. All the boys went out in Ethan's car to get the food for the next few days while we chilled. They came back after an hour with a large selection of food and we decided that we were going to have spaghetti bolognaise for dinner.

Simon and Talia finally arrived a while later, just after we started making dinner. Faith started making the sauce and I helped her by cooking the pasta and tidying up as we went. Talia quickly jumped in to take my place once she'd put her bags in her and Simon's shared room, telling me to 'go sit down and relax'. Which is exactly what I did. Sitting down on the couch next to Harry I sighed and placed my legs on his lap. "You alright?" He whispered into my ear. I hummed "yea."

We ate dinner together at the huge dining table and it was delicious. We decided to watch a movie so all sat in the living room. Me and Harry sat in our previous position on the couch, along with Faith, Ethan and JJ while Talia sat on Simon's lap in the arm chair and Tobi, Freya and Josh sat on top of some pillows on floor. We decided on a movie and within an hour JJ was fast asleep. I was fighting to keep my eyes open when Harry spoke "do you wanna go up to bed?" He asked quietly. I just nodded. "Come on then."

We said good night to everyone and Harry helped me upstairs. "Are you alright?" He asked me as I took my makeup off. "Yea, it's just- my back hurts." I replied. He walked over to me and placed a hand on my lower back, gently rubbing circles. I hummed and leaned into his touch. When we finally got into bed Harry wrapped his arms around me and placed his hand on my bump. I rested my hand on top of his and drifted off to sleep.

The next morning I woke up with a strong urge to pee. I slid out of the bed but just before I made it to the ensuite I felt warm liquid trickle down my legs. I looked down "did I just piss myself?" I thought. My eyes widened "no, it's too early!" I whispered to myself. I waddled to the toilet and sat down. "What do I do? We're in the middle of nowhere!" My brain raced, along with my heart.

Once I'd calmed myself down slightly I stood, took a deep breath and went to wake Harry up. "Haz wake up, Harry!" I shook him. He slowly opened his eyes "what is it, babe?" He mumbled. "I think my water just broke." He immediately shot up, now fully awake "what?!" He exclaimed. "Shh, you're gonna wake everyone up!" I whispered.

When we figured out what we were going to do I got changed out of my wet pyjamas and into some sweatpants and one of Harry's t-shirts, brushed my teeth and tied my hair back into a ponytail. All while Harry tried to calm himself down. "How are you so calm right now?" He asked me. I turned my head to him "everything's fine Harry, I've not even had a contraction yet-" just as the words came out of my mouth a tight pain spread through my stomach "ow" Harry rushed over to me "oh shit- are you ok? Are you having a contraction?" He rambled. I nodded "I think so." The pain wasn't that bad (yet) but I was struggling to focus on what Harry was saying.

Once it finished Harry helped me down stairs. I assumed it was really early, like 5am or something but almost everyone was sat in the kitchen. I glanced the clock on the wall, it's half nine. "Hey! Uh is everything ok?" Ethan asked. Me and Harry shared a look. "What's wrong?" Talia stepped toward us. "Uhm- y/n's water just broke." Harry said. All of their eyes widened and their mouths fell open slightly. "What?!" Faith expressed. "So the baby's coming like now?!" Simon asked loudly. "Well, probably in the next few hours." I answered calmly. "No no no, this can't be happening!" JJ nervously started to pace back and forth. Me and Harry giggled slightly at how stressed they all were.

Just as everyone started to calm down I was hit with another contraction. I grabbed onto the counter and my eyes fluttered closed. Harry gently rubbed my back and everyone went silent. I chuckled lightly through the pain "guys I'm fine."

Faith and Talia helped me to the car while Harry pulled together a bag with some of my things. "This will be a good story to tell in ten years." Faith said as we walked out of the front door. I giggled. Once we got to the car I got into the passenger seat and Harry raced out of the house a few seconds later. Everyone waved us off as we pulled out of the driveway "good luck!" Freya shouted.

The nearest hospital was around half an hour away so I had a few painful contractions as Harry drove, nervously glancing over at me as I breathed through them. I called my mum and told her what was going on, she chuckled "it could only happen to you, good luck and call me when she's here!" "Mum we don't know if it's a girl yet." I told her for the one hundredth time since I told her I was pregnant. "Just a feeling!" She exclaimed "I love you." she continued "love you too, bye."

When we finally arrived at the hospital me and Harry walked inside and were almost immediately taken to a room. The doctor checked me out and told me I was almost 7 centimetres dilated and that it wouldn't be long.

She was right because just an hour later I was holding our beautiful baby girl, mum was right. Even though she's early she was checked over immediately and is perfectly healthy. After getting cleaned up a nurse came in to tell me that there were some people in the waiting room that wanted to see me. I told her to let them in, knowing exactly who it was. A few minutes later Talia ran into the room, followed by everyone else. "Oh my god!" She whispered, careful not to wake up the sleeping baby. "Is it a girl?!" Faith whispered. I nodded with tear stained cheeks "yea." All the boys (except Ethan since he was outside with Olive) gave Harry a pat on the back while the girls fussed over me and the baby.

The next day we drove home. Thankfully we'd already installed the baby seat into the car so we could actually take her home. "I still can't believe she's ours." I said as I watched her from my place in the back seat. "Ye, we're actually parents, it's crazy." Harry replied.

y/username

Liked by tobjizzle and 1,501,923 others

y/username: our baby girl🤍 Our hearts couldn't be more full, welcome to the world little Willow Lewis. Mummy and daddy are so excited to be your parents.

-comments-

wroetoshaw: my girls❤️

behzingagram: congratulations again guys😁

faithloisak: cuties💕

r0sielewis: I'm in tears🥺

y/nfanpage21: OMG!!

user71015839: wroetoshaw and y/n are parents. I'm officially old😭

[sea-owl]

I was just thinking about the whole Debling vs Colin thing and I kinda wanted to point this out.

Debling and Colin are actually both perfect for Penelope but different sides to her.

Debling is Lady Whistledown's perfect match while Colin is Penelope's perfect match.

Debling has work he leaves for years to do, passions that take up more of his heart than any living human would. He left behind his own family who he says never understood him but that's all we know. He wants a wife to take care of the estate and the home front. He doesn't read Whistledown, meaning he won't ever see any similarities between Penelope's writing and Lady Whistledown's. If Penelope was truly Lady Whistledown all the time like the switch was flipped and never turned off, then this is a perfect life for her. On her own, left alone, and can run her business without interference. If she wants, she can fudge the numbers a little bit to hide some of her own money away in the estate. She'll have children one day that she'll love. She will be secured. She will also continue the status quo of her life before of being alone in her own home, and I would make the argument becoming more like Portia as time would go on. Now, don't get me wrong. Debling is a good man, but he is also Lord Featherington in a different font. Penelope already knows what life with Lord Debling would look like she's seen it in her parents' marriage, in her father. Lord Featherington put his own passions before his family as well, and while he never physically left, that man completely dissociated around his family. Again this type of life would be perfect for Lady Whistledown but Penelope rightfully so hesitates.

Colin, on the other hand, while he has his own passions, will still put someone he loves first. He's willing to be there to support them if they need it. He has a close bond with his family and wants to open that bond to any potential spouse that may be folded in. Once he knows his feelings, he's not afraid to show them. He's affectionate and sensitive to others. He also I noticed forgives rather quickly meaning he has the ability to see from someone else's perspective. This is someone Penelope has dreamed of for years, and frankly kind of needs. She's been emotionally starved of affection and never has seen or heard acts of love outside the few she's had from the Bridgertons. She was raised on tough love and never really shown softness before. Colin can give her that softness, that love, and happiness. But Colin is also a horrible match for Lady Whistledown. He is always in Penelope's business and space, and if not him, another member of his family would be. All in good faith, they watch out for one another, but it would make Penelope's absence a lot more noticeable. Penelope will also be shoved in the spotlight as well marrying in and while she has craved the potential change it makes her work much harder. His disdain for Whistledown as well has been well spoken to others. He also potentially has the clues to piece together Penelope's identity. He has her letters and Lasy Whistledown is not hard to get either. If Penelope accidentally made any mistakes in either writings, like similar phrasing or she reused something from his letters in Whistledown he could clue it together. He will most likely be angry at first but I also think given time to cool off he be willing to hear her out. He's already shown he's not afraid to fight for her so what's one more round?

And the funny thing is Colin has the potential to be Lady Whistledown's match as well. He's a good writer and has been shown to engage in gossip, too. He moves fluidly around the ton, charming them and easily communicating with them. His strengths compliment can help boost where Penelope has a weakness. They can very easily become true partners, Lord and Lady Whistledown. We first just have to get Colin to warm up to the idea.

[cozycottagetarot]

PAC: How Can You Break The Cycle

Messages From Elle: We did it guys!😮‍💨

Notes:

This PAC Covers:

What is the cycle?

What keeps it going?

What will it take to break it?

What could that look like for you? (Patreon Extended)

‼️ THIS READING IS MEANT FOR SELF-REFLECTION AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY -- While this reading does broach topics relating to mental health & mindset, contain a bit of advice and reflective questions, IT'S IN NO WAY SHAPE OR FORM MEANT TO REPLACE PROFESSIONAL ADVICE OF ANY KIND. Please use your discretion, think carefully before you act and only take what resonates be it a little, some or none at all. ‼️

Reading Masterlist | Patreon | Paid Readings -- Open 🥂

PILE 1 (Brick Wall)

Current Energy

Cards: 10 of cups, The Empress, The Chariot

I feel as though you’re currently in this energy where things couldn’t be better…. But then why are you here? I know that's my job to figure out but still. I feel like you’ve been making strides to create the life that you want. You’re charging forward, becoming more disciplined and things are starting to feel warm.

The cycle that needs to be broken:

Cards: The Wheel of Fortune, Nine of Wands, Page of Pentacles, Four of Wands

The cycle that needs to be broken is one of constantly waiting for the other shoe to drop. You’re tired of fighting or always fending off the downward turn of the wheel of fortune and while you may try to keep your faith that things can get better and stay better, you're always expecting things to get bad again. You could be worried the new beginning won't start, the relationships won't come, or the financial abundance won't find you. I think this fear or vigilance has such a tight hold on you, that you end up not taking action. You may need to readjust your game plan. You don't allow yourself to relax. You don't allow yourself to celebrate your wins… you're always in this state of hyper vigilance.

What keeps the cycle going?

Cards: The Sun, The High Priestess, Two of Pentacles, Seven of Pentacles

I don’t think you really allow yourself to be happy. That may be the current energy I was picking up on as well. When things are going great you don’t really let them go great. I also think you’re neglecting the things that are really important to you inside… maybe so much that you don’t even know what those things are anymore. Not knowing how to navigate this internal world of yours keeps fueling this cycle of 'oh, what bad thing will happen next?' You may also have a hard time making decisions or generally deciding what you want, floating back and forth between options. This back-and-forth stops you from actually putting in the work it takes to succeed and enjoy the FULL results, therefore keeping the cycle going. Another thing I picked up on is maybe the wheel keeps turning back and forth as well because from going back and forth all the time, you’re never really getting to move past the lessons you may need to learn in order for you to reach your desired outcome or abundance.

What will it take to break this cycle:

Cards: Seven of Cups, Five of Cups, Two of Cups, Ace of Pentacles

If you want to break this cycle, you have to make a decision on what exactly it is you want. It might mean leaving behind something, but you have to remember that so much more also awaits you in the process. Stop dwelling on what has gone 'wrong' before, especially if it’s past events that influence your lack of decision. It's okay to have that vigilance and use the past to better navigate the future-- HOWEVER, it's also important to get honest with yourself about whether it's a valid concern or a fear talking. It's time to change your mindset to focus on what can go right. I think also there will be someone available to help you once you make a decision about what you want to pursue. The alternate I'm getting is that you have to allow yourself to lean on others if you want to break the cycle. This could be through personal and professional relationships. But you have to actually decide yes, this is what you want. It doesn’t mean you’re not allowed to change as you grow, but first, you have to plant the seed. Once your seedling sprouts you can cultivate your plant however you’d like. There’s a lot out there available to you but making the decision to move towards it is where it begins.

Want to know what those steps might look like for you? Consider checking out my Patreon for the extended version as well as early access to my next pac!

Regardless, if you'd like a free mini-reading to clarify any part of this PAC, feel free to send me an ask with your initials and pile!

PILE 2 (Statue)

Current Energy:

Cards: King of Wands, The Star, The Tower rev, Queen of Wands

I see you showing up as being in a hopeful energy and that good fortune of some kind is coming your way. A good balance of masculine and feminine energy. There’s a sense of resisting something internally, however. A transition of some kind that you're wanting to make. It seems like it could be good for you and a lot of different areas in your life would improve, but what you know or are accustomed to might clash with what you want. However, you have what it takes to succeed. If you were drawn to pile 1, after reading this pile consider checking it out as well.

The cycle that needs to end:

Cards: Eight of Swords, The Devil, Ten of Swords, Knight of Swords

I feel like you’ve got a gloomy inner world. Very melancholy. You’re turning a blind eye to the things that are holding you back and draining your energy. It feels like you almost escape it but it gets you every time. You might not take the best care of yourself mentally or physically. With all the swords it could be a mental thing too and it’s important that you get (professional) help and take those steps (of taking better care of yourself). The cycle that needs to break is you getting stuck in this energy.

What keeps the cycle going:

Cards: Four of Swords, Eight of Cups rev, Ace of Wands rev, Ace of Cups

You don’t rest. You won’t walk away from the things draining your energy. You won’t open up your heart and you won’t do anything with your creative sparks... more or less.

It’s so important that you take a moment to take a good pause and regroup. You could find yourself turning to poor coping mechanisms and that's not good. You can't try to leave a bad situation either if you don’t know what made it bad. You also have to sometimes stick things out. If you tried breaking a habit and it didn't work, it doesn’t mean you’re doomed to always have that habit. That’s a bad way of looking at things, and while it’s understandable to feel that way, you still need to work on it. You’re allowed to connect with your emotions and create as well... There's a need to review your plans/goals as well. You can be successful, but may lack the resources to easily be so... that’s also understandable but you can still work with what you do have. You may also lack confidence in you abilities to achieve your goals. You can manifest so many things you want but you have to believe in yourself and open your emotions to be able to connect with the feeling of what you want. It’s easy to say I want XYZ, but if you don’t figure out what that’s going to feel like, then how will you know when you’ve got it? It’s easy to get caught up in material things but the last thing you want is to wake up one day to a life that looks exactly like you wanted it to, only to realize it doesn’t FEEL the way you wanted it to.

What will it take to break the cycle:

Cards: Judgement, The Hierophant, Knight of Wands, Page of Cups

It’s time for you to get it together. Get serious about moving on to the next phase. I feel like it’s all going to work out based on the cards but you really do have to stop holding yourself back. Find a support group. Consider finding creative/artistic ways to express yourself. Step into a leadership role because there’s a good chance you can lend the wisdom you’ve acquired to others… This could be through a social media platform, sharing your writing, attending a local community event, etc. Work on making sure how you’re living aligns with your beliefs and vice versa. Allow yourself to be vulnerable. Give yourself your all. I also feel like this is one of those situations where you have to remind yourself that sometimes motivation follows action.

Want to know what those steps might look like for you? Consider checking out my Patreon for the extended version as well as early access to my next PAC!

Regardless, if you'd like a free mini-reading to clarify any part of this PAC, feel free to send me an ask with your initials and pile!

PILE 3 (Broken TV)

Current energy:

Cards: Wheel of fortune, Queen of swords, Queen of pentacles, Two of wands

Your current energy is that you've shifted to a 'really good' energy or you're about to shift to a 'really good' energy. The Magician isn't here but that's kind of the energy I'm picking up on here too. Either being very faithful right now that everything is going to work out for you or that's the energy/mindset that you need to tap into. There are options available to you... You need a plan of some kind. You feel unable to move... unequipped even. Thinking about (or needing to) your long-term future. With the two queens, I think you're leaning into one of the two embodiments of the queen, maybe even both. You might have a hard time seeing yourself as either.

The cycle that needs to be broken:

Cards: The Hanged Man, The Tower, The World, Judgement

The other piles were definitely what I would consider a cycle on a loop that needed breaking but yours feels less like a cycle and more like you're just... stuck. You're ready to or have 'level/ed up', but it's as though you're stuck in limbo. This could be because you've gone through a 'tower moment' recently (say within the last year give or take) that's left you stuck in limbo. Or it could be a fear of having a 'tower moment' that is leaving stuck in limbo. Regardless this cycle is one of you needing to bring something to completion.

What keeps the cycle going:

Cards: Knight of Wands, The Emperor, The Sun, Eight of Pentacles, The Fool

You might be rather impatient. When you do things you may expect to see results immediately...that sense of 'oh, I did this tasks once, why don't I feel better 👀'. It could also be that you might not plan out your goals thoroughly or you may not be very clear on what it is that you want to do/achieve. I feel like since you don't take that moment to strategize and figure out what actually needs to be done, this cycle keeps going. You may just charge forth into whatever you think will bring you happiness. However, this means you can't put in the work required which can bring you back to a place of fear and doubt. This can create anxiety and likely catastrophizing which brings us back to that fear of a 'tower moment'. It could also simply be a case of being too laid back? On the flip side, while it's always good to have faith that things will work out, it's important to remember that a lot of times, you still have to play a role in that.

What will it take to break the cycle: Cards: The Star, Justice, Three of Pentacles, Knight of Cups

Have hope, yes. Dream and believe that good things are meant for you and those good things will find you. BUT, balance that with meaningful/conscious action. You must consider the long term. What is the end goal going to look/feel like? What is the journey of getting there going to take? Some of you already have the knowledge you need while others may still need to acquire it. Regardless, learning and implementation will help break the cycle. You have what it takes, but you have to stay the course. It's also important that you use action rather than simply ideas to motivate you. Fall in love with the act of doing.

I also feel like you should make a love list. I initially thought of that while going my first glance at the cards.

Also, do me a favour and take a nap, please! ✋

Want to know what those steps might look like for you? Consider checking out my Patreon for the extended version as well as early access to my next PAC!

Regardless, if you'd like a free mini-reading to clarify any part of this PAC, feel free to send me an ask with your initials and pile!

PILE 4 (Hammer)

Note: If you're someone who reads what cards were pulled, I mistyped the Seven suit for Current Energy and The Cycle so now that I'm editing, I realised I have no idea which suit the card belonged to hence the (?). Okay, that's all!

Current energy:

Cards: Seven of Swords(?), Queen of Pentacles, Three of Wands

It's time for you to broaden your horizons, however, you currently have to tread carefully. You could currently be job searching or looking for scholarships etc. There's a lot of opportunities available to you or becoming available to you. But you need to be diligent and read the fine print and get the details to make sure you won't be compromised in the process. It's important though that you be able to maintain a balance between your home/personal and academic/career life. You're in an energy of needing to remember to put yourself first.

The cycle that needs to be broken:

Cards: Two of Swords, The Emperor, Page of Swords, Seven of Wands (?)

The cycle that needs to break is one of constantly being at odds with everyone. I feel like you’re constantly bending over backwards or breaking your neck to try and appease others-- and no matter what you do, it’s not enough. I think this might potentially resonate more with those who are academics. When faced with a decision between what will benefit you vs what will benefit someone else, you have a tendency to either not make a decision of choose the option that will benefit someone else instead. This could be because you either live under someone with authority over you (like a caretaker or family) or you're in a position where you feel like you have to take care of others (siblings/family, partner).

I feel as though for some of you it could also be a romantic relationship? I'm not familiar with 'channeling' through music, but find myself doing it a lot lately. The song 'Lifetime' by Livingston just resonated with part of this pile for some reason. When asking if it’s a romantic situation, I got the cards: Eight of Pentacles, The Devil, and Justice rev. I’m also getting 'the right person, but wrong time'.

I think if it's someone with whom you share romantic feelings for, it's a situation where the relationship likely feels imbalanced and like hard work, but you don't feel like you can step away. If that resonated then that could be it. It could also be any unfair relationship dynamic.

What keeps the cycle going:

Cards: The Hanged Man, Ace of Wands, Death, The Moon, Eight of Swords

I think you’re in a cage of your own making, but not because you can’t see. You can see, but what you’re seeing isn’t clear. Because of this, you tend to end up pressing pause on moving forward. There's a lot of creative energy around you... for some, it's that it's a creative field waiting to accept you. However, you're too afraid to actually go for it and give it your all so I think you keep 'pulling the wool' over your own eyes. I think if there are people around you in opposition to you moving forward, you might see it as a convenient excuse to not move forward and transform into the next stage of your life. It's almost like the cycle doesn't need to be a cycle. You know when you're listening to a song and you keep restarting it 'cause you keep getting interrupted? And sometimes it's just you being extra because it wasn't even your favourite part you're just kind of nitpicking? Yeah, same vibe I'm getting here.

If the relationship resonates: I think you may need to let go of (or loosen your hold on) because they could be holding you back to the point they're dragging you down. Things are shifting for you, especially internally. You could be trying to hold it back though, but in doing so you could burn up and out. You’re seeing what really is and maybe you don’t want to. That’s the part that keeps this cycle going. I see images of a phoenix rising too.

What will it take to break the cycle:

Cards: Queen of Wands, The Chariot rev, Judgement, Three of Pentacles, The World, The Lovers

It’s time to use the things you’ve learned. Let go and let the cycle close. Trust that you’ll find love again or that you’ll find inner harmony. Trust that it will all work out in your favour. Take steps, even if it's baby steps to doing whatever it is you want to do. I feel like I said this already in a different pile, but even if you can't make a complete switch yet, start engaging in the things you want to do or eventually pivot too in small steps. You can always research or engage with it as a hobby for the time being. Also finding balance between who you are and how you show up to the world. Remember you have a lot to offer and it's going to do everyone a whole lot more good in the long run, the more authentically you can show up.

Want to know what those steps might look like for you? Consider checking out my Patreon for the extended version as well as early access to my next PAC!

Regardless, if you'd like a free mini-reading to clarify any part of this PAC, feel free to send me an ask with your initials and pile!

[respectthepetty]

The Loyal Pin - Episode 10

Last episode, my Wild Ass Theory that Anin and Pin will inherit their mother's colors as they come into adulthood resurfaced as Anin wore a yellow dress when she left the beach, and this episode, she wears a blue and yellow skirt as she asks her brother to teach her how to drive.

Anin's brother is wearing blue, so I had high hopes for him being supportive of Anin this episode, and the piggyback ride as well as the purple flowers helped me keep the faith.

But Kuea stays pissing me off, and Anin's younger brother seems oblivious to anything beyond his own little get-everyone-hitched agenda.

So, of course, Kuea runs immediately over to the main house DURING HIS WORK HOURS to snitch on Pin. I appreciate that everyone keeps questioning his worth ethic though.

But the mom is wearing pink and blue, so unlike Anin's older brother, I have no idea how she'll take this news. Pin is wearing a darker pink now though, so I think the adult responsibilities are coming sooner than the girls are realizing.

AND WE GET BACKSTORY! Part of my Wild Ass Theory was that Pin's mom was a lesbian. She has her more vibrant pink color, but at times she wears yellow/orange. I guessed the yellow/orange came from a previous lover.

So her opening a sunflower ring was all the evidence I needed.

I don't know if Im's color is peach or pink.

But I can't focus because Patt is on the floor looking like a snack, and I think she is in blue.

Then, we see Im and Patt's love story. Patt was Im's companion and Im is still wearing whatever color she is wearing, while Patt is fully in blue.

And they were in love with each other.

Patt knows what Pin's ring means because she was once Pin. Im gave Patt the yellow flower ring in the same way Anin gave the ring to Pin.

But there was no happily ever after for Patt and Im because Im died!

I thought the backstory would help clear up the colors and the confusion, but it didn't! Patt seemed colorless in the past like Aon is now. If Im's color was pink, then it makes sense Patt carried it with her all this time. And if Im's color was peach, it makes sense that Patt uses it every now and then, yet it doesn't explain why Patt shifted her color from blue to purple. It also doesn't make sense why she was so upset about Pin's ring. It's not like Im rejected her or left her for a someone else. Im died. They loved each other. That love was real and never doubted, so why is she upset at Pin's ring now?!

The girls and their colors are evolving, but they are changing together, so what is the mom so afraid of? If we had seen society or some external factors harming Patt and Im's relationship, maybe I could understand, but the backstory just makes me think she should be more supportive of the girls' love.

But here she is now fully in her color and throwing her support behind Kuea! I do not comprehend this.

I'm shocked that Anin's older brother seems to be the only one with any sense! I was worried when he showed up colorless, but he helped to cover for his sister.

And now he can get that ally badge for supporting the color-coded couple!

Anin and I both love him dearly!

But Patt is still bothering me! She is a lesbian! She shows up in yellow and orange because she still loves Im. So why not let the color-coded girls be IN LOVE?!

Pin's color is getting redder just like her mom's, and I'm worried that her mom is going to push even harder next episode for her to get married. We have six episodes left. Even though I don't fully know what the colors mean, the reds and yellows/oranges are showing up too often now for me to ignore.

Just like Anin sneaking up on Prik, these colors and adulthood are sneaking up on the girls while they are just trying to enjoy their lives.

By the end of the episode, the color-coded girls in love seem to have sorted their issues out because Pink Person Pin is looking lovely.

Which is probably due to her getting all of Anin's attention after not seeing her for a weeks.

And Blue Beauty Anin looks refreshed the day after.

So of course this chick with her can't-get-one-consistent-color self would ruin the color-coded happiness I wanted to feel secure in!

Patt's color confuses me, but Aon's color(s) frustrate me because I don't know if she is trying to be Pin which is why she wears Pin's color(s) or if she has no real identity and will shape herself into whatever she needs to be to please Anin because she never wears a consistent color.

And I know this frustratation is going to stick with me next episode because my babygirl is crying, and I'm already salty about it.

At least Pin and Anin will be solely in their colors next episode, so I have nothing to worry about with them and their relationship, right?

*Heng walks into the scene* FUCK!

[cotl-flower-crown]

So @oneofthosenightbees brought a fanfic idea to me and we both agreed that it would fit well in gang au, so here we go, meet gang au Monch! I'm just gonna copy and paste what I wrote in discord and hope it makes sense. (Let me know if I should put up some content warnings)

Mmmm let's see, Monch would probably be one of the citizens of the Faith City who grew up in there her whole life. She used to love the city and she wanted to help it get better the best way she could, so she joined the police forces and eventually was promoted to the position of a detective. Not long after gaining that position Shamura and their siblings started to thrive in their domains and Monch picked up on that. They appear suddenly and begin to shape the city for the better and at the same time a mysterious organisation let itself known to do a bunch of shady business in the city. Monch managed to discover that Shamura and the rest are behind the organisation and she confronts them. Heket and Leshy are ready to kill her, but Shamura pulls her into a discussion. Yes, they are very deep into the organised crime in the city, but at the same time the Faith City have never been doing this well, so is it really something that should be stopped? Doesn't that justifies the means if it's for the better? Whatever Shamura tells Monch, it really messes with her perception of good and evil, but she doesn't back out. She attempts to bring this to the chief police, but they tell her to drop it. In fact if she won't, then they will make her drop it. The best next solution is to take it even higher, outside of the city, but then she's sent a message. A very brutal message. I'm not sure about specifics, but I'm thinking that she was framed into murder by Shamura's goons together with the police, which completely ruined her reputation and she had to hide. With ruined name and a wanted poster nobody would believe her, so dejected, bitter and hopeless she decided to stay in hiding, developing an alcohol addiction in the process. Until a few years later she's sent a message from Lambert, who "hopes" that she might help him "get rid of the evil corrupting the city" and "bring justice for his late family and people like him".

Her and Lambert meet and at this point it's not really a common knowledge that Lambert as a CEO and "owner" of his cleaning company has anything to do with the Red Crowns outside of the gang. So she doesn't really have a reason to not believe Lambert when he tells her how much this city "means" to him and how much he wishes to be able to get rid of the crime infestation, so he and many others can walk the streets feeling safe. But he's just a businessman, he doesn't know how to fight the crime. But maybe she can help him? She was a detective once after all... She sees a little bit of herself in Lambert's act and it sparks a little bit of hope in her once more, to be able to clear her name and bring the city back to it's original glory (which probably never was to begin with). They figured out that the best way to lessen Shamura's influence, is by cutting off their business partners (looking at gRenn rn) and later expose their crimes. Lambert allows her to help him get out the good word for him to the people of interest by working from the shadows. Meanwhile she also does her own research on what's really going on in the city and she warns Lambert about the Red Crowns and how he should stay away from them. She would find all the evidence needed to get police's attention and bring it straight to Lambert, because he's a good man with influence, right? The police will listen to him for sure! While that's going on, she find some loose ends that don't seem to make sense with what Lambert is telling her. Which means that there's either some miscommunications on her part, or Lambert is lying to her. But why Lambert would lie to her? He's a good man, there's no way that he would lie to her, right? They're partners, friends even! It's probably something she got wrong, she tends to do that lately with her issues...

And then she finally sees it. Lambert interacting with Narinder, whom she discovered is the leader of the Red Crowns. Hell, it's almost like they're lovers... but that can't be right! Maybe he doesn't know that Narinder is their enemy? Maybe Narinder manipulated him? So she finally confronts Lambert. And Lambert's mask finally cracks. He laughs, as he was wondering just how long it would take her to figure this out. But it doesn't click with her just yet, huh? Damn, for a detective in her past, she's really shitty at connecting the dots. And the loose ends finally tie together in a fine knot. She wasn't wrong all this time. He was lying to her after all. She wanted to believe so hard in good in people that she didn't notice the blatant snake that was right in front of her. She wanted to believe in the good cause so badly that she didn't realise that she's been working with a wolf in sheep's clothing all this time. He never cared for the good of the city, he's just... He's just like them. And she helped him. It all feels like a nightmare. Except this is worse, because she cannot wake up from it. She couldn't believe how naive she was, how stupid and useless she was to trust Lambert. It is all useless, isn't it? There is no way to save this city. There will always appear another Shamura, another Lambert, who will turn this place into a deeper and deeper pit full of vipers. There is no hope for this place. There is no hope for her... "So what is going to happen now?" she asks "Will you try to kill me? To ruin my reputation once more, like they did? Do whatever you can to assure that your position is safe?" Lambert smiles. "No, I think the damage was already done. Wouldn't you agree?" he says in a silky soft voice that cuts her deeply, as she silently glares at him "No, you've been a great asset to my team and I think it's only fair that you're compensated accordingly for your hard work"

A praise and a reward cut somehow so, so much deeper than if he just stabbed her in the heart right then and there. Because that meant that he treated her as an ally. She did help him after all. How does that make her any better than him? She silently got up and left Lambert behind. The last words he spoke to her was "I appreciate your help, bestie. I'll see you around." with a stiffed giggle. She almost puked at those words. And that was the last time Lambert have heard from her. Who knows what happened, maybe she left the city, maybe she locked herself away, maybe something worse... Lambert wouldn't know or care either way.

The End.

[skrrts]

the most beautiful constellation of stars (drabble)

✧ gn!reader x park seonghwa ✧ request: hwa comforts reader who feels insecure about the moles on their face ✧ genre: non idol, slice of life, fluff, dating, comfort ✧ word count: 761 ✧ warnings: mention of insecurities

Seonghwa always had a deep love for the stars and your moles always reminded him of them. They are beautiful and it just makes perfect sense to him, after all, you are the middle of his universe, his favorite star.

a/n: thanks a lot for your request 🫶 i tried to write something cute but also comforting and hope you like it.

Seonghwa liked the beginning of autumn, when it was just cold enough to excuse sweaters and hot cups of tea and hot cocoa but without the freezing cold of the winter, he dreaded these days. He lighted a few candles and admired the new blankets he bought, this time in warm shades of brown rather than the grey his friends teased him to be too faithful toward. He clapped his hands together, pleased with the result when he could finally hear the peep of the front door when his favorite person finally made it home.

"I started to worry your boss accidentally locked you in," he teased and rushed to your side, helping you out of your coat, a soft kiss placed on your lips. "Welcome home! I missed you and I am ready to properly be cozy today."

You sighed a little, amused about the way he greeted you. Seonghwa knew because you always tried to hide that cute smile but he just made a happy noise when you leaned up to kiss him.

"All right, just give me a moment to change into something comfy then I will join you," you promised and he waved in tiny as you vanished into your bedroom.

He looked around before making sure that the tea was all ready and the couch looked good, your favorite show ready for the evening.

You looked too cute in the matching sweater! Seonghwa loved you for joining into his silly ideas of doing those in Winter and he sat down on the couch, arms wide open: "Come here."

You laughed and fell into his embrace, his arms tugged tightly around you as he pressed a kiss on top of your head. "How was work?"

You rolled your eyes a little, shrugging: "Boring... nothing interesting ever happens."

Seonghwa chuckled: "I'd say that is a good thing, I always get nervous when too many things happen at once." He always cared to learn about your day and if needed, make sure you could rant.

His fingertips gently brushed over the remains of your light makeup from work, the blush that covered some of your moles, and he could feel how you shivered a little under his touch.

Seonghwa knew how you sometimes felt insecure about your face moles, and while he thought they were beautiful, he understood your feelings.

Before meeting you, he often felt too insecure to leave the house without makeup on, and it was thanks to your support and the encouragement of his friends that he began to embrace himself more.

He truly wanted to give that confidence back to you, always reminding you of your beauty while accepting that there would be days when you might not feel as confident. He would be there to lift you up.

"You know how much I love the stars, right? There is nothing more beautiful in nature than looking up at that night sky covered with lights that are so far away, yet always giving me that feeling of security not to be alone in the dark."

His fingertips gently started to draw little lines between the beautiful moles on your face.

"Your moles are like constellations of stars, that's what I thought when we met for the first time. I thought how pretty! Now, I worried if I told you that on the first date, you'd think I am a weirdo."

Seonghwa had no doubt that there was a small red on his own cheeks now as well but he was happy when he heard you laugh just a little.

"Nothing ever beats your love for the stars."

Nothing but you.

Before you could do anything, Seonghwa started to shower you with little kisses placed on your moles, drawing constellations in his mind but you just giggled softly, trying to shove him away as he was hugging you tighter.

"Look at all of these beautiful little stars."

He made sure not to miss a single one before finally, capturing your lips into a tender kiss.

"You are the most beautiful of all stars, the center of my constellations and the most beautiful person, never feel like you need to your beauty isn't perfect," he whispered, letting his nose brush against yours.

You sighed softly but seemed content: "You are so silly... I love you."

Seonghwa would always do his best to remind you just how beautiful you were, knowing you'd do the same for him on days when the world made it a little hard to remember it.

"I love you too," he smiled.

"My Star."

[nataliescatorccioapologist]

What I think each Yellowjackets character’s Letterboxd top 4 would be

*I’m including movies past the 90s even though some of these characters didn’t live long enough to see them*

Natalie

I think Nat is a huge horror movie fan (specifically 80s slasher and demonic possession) and loves edgy gothic vibes. I also think she would love some artsy indie movies about sex and challenging gender roles (and just some cool action movies with hot badass women).

Honorable mentions go to The Craft and Kill Bill

Misty

We all know Misty is a theater kid. She loves musicals and I think girlie is definitely singing Sweeney Todd and Phantom of the Opera songs to herself 24/7. And I feel like I don’t even need to explain the Steel Magnolias inclusion, she had that monologue memorized like it was imprinted on her soul.

Honorable mentions go to Hairspray and Hamilton

Jackie

I know Jackie loves a good chick flick, particularly those with homoerotic subtexts. I think, if she had gotten to live long enough to start coming to terms with her sexuality, But I’m a Cheerleader would definitely be her gay awakening. And then Bottoms once she’s tip-toed out of the closet a little bit more (RIP Jackie Taylor you would have LOVED Bottoms). And of course, I had to add Beaches because of the “Are you quoting Beaches at me right now?” line, and also because I think Jackie would watch it and shed a secret tear because it makes her think of her and Shauna.

Honorable mentions go to Uptown Girls and Heathers

Van

Van would definitely refuse to watch anything past the 90s. She loves comedy classics and queer staples. I know Van quotes The Godfather in the full Italian accent constantly (especially around Nat to piss her off) and she’s watched The Princess Bride an ungodly amount of times and knows pretty much every line (Buttercup was her queer awakening).

Shauna

Like Jackie, Shauna love movies about intense (homoerotic) friendships. I know she relates to Needy in Jennifer’s Body living in Jennifer’s (Jackie’s) shadow and resenting her for it but also being so obsessed and intertwined with her; and she also just loves the visuals and its satire on female exploitation. Shauna maybe relates to and roots for Pearl a little too much, she loves a movie about a woman desperate for recognition and teetering on the edge of insanity while maintaining a sweet and innocent facade. Also I can see adult Shauna in particular just being charmed by Little Women (partly because of the love triangle but mostly because of the womanhood and female friendship themes).

Honorable mentions go to Juno and Scream

Also side note: I feel like Shauna would love Daria, but it’s a TV show so I didn’t include it.

Laura Lee

Laura Lee loves uplifting and wholesome movies. I can see her shamelessly liking kid’s movies well into adulthood. She likes movies centered around helping people in need like The Rescuers or going through hardship and discovering faith like Soul Surfer. Girl is religious-religious so her favorites are definitely going to be centered around faith and Christianity. But she also just likes a simple feel-good film; the cheesiest, sappiest movies you can imagine.

Lottie

Okay Lottie was hard to pinpoint but I’m pretty sure she would like angsty, artsy shit. Like, in high school, she would pretend to love chick flicks like the rest of her classmates but when she gets home she’s putting on the darkest and most depressing weird girl movie you’ve ever seen. I think she likes Suspiria for the occult themes, the otherworldly feeling of it, and eccentricities of the main character who never knows what’s real and what’s not, which she relates to. I think she likes some mental illness movies like Donnie Darko because of her diagnosis and upbringing and The Virgin Suicides because she’s lonely and feels overly-controlled by her parents. And Amelie because she once again relates to the loneliness and likes that the main character discovers her gift for helping people. I think Lottie would prioritize good cinematography and visuals in movies, too.

I don’t think Lottie would really watch movies as an adult because she would be too busy running a cult and disconnecting from society, which is why these picks are centered around Teen Lottie.

-

I couldn’t think of what Tai would like! She is a mystery to me. I can see her maybe liking something like Whiplash because she is super driven and ambitious and kind of tortures herself for success? But idk. Please comment or repost with what you think her’s would be!

[toboldlygohome]

My Hero

Leonard McCoy x Reader

Summary: When a ground mission goes south, it's up to you to make sure the doctor makes it back safe and sound.

Character(s): Leonard "Bones" McCoy, Spock

Warning(s): Violence, Wounds, Cursing, Mild Suggestive Themes, McCoy Complaining

To say things weren't going well would be the understatement of the century. It was supposed to be an easy mission, but that's always how these stories start, huh?

The scanners indicated a series of underground caverns, ones that appeared artificial. Ruins that the archaeology department just couldn't go without exploring. Scanners also claimed there were no life forms within these caverns. The scanners were wrong.

You were the head of security aboard the USS Enterprise. As such, it was your duty to ensure the safety of the crew and perform a risk assessment. Chief Medical Officer McCoy joined you to run some scans, testing for biohazards that would put the ship at risk. Also accompanying you were two other security officers, two engineers to check the structural integrity of the tunnels, a biology officer, and an archaeology officer.

Once the entrance was found, your team discovered that the caverns were actually a sprawling ancient city built in a massive cave system. You also discovered that your communicators weren't working the deeper you traversed the city. If only that were the end of your worries. Two hours into the excursion, a loud echo of rubble falling came from the direction of the entrance. And if that wasn't enough, you were swiftly and brutally attacked by a sizable group of strangers who must have been using the city as a hideout.

In the pandemonium that followed, part of the ceiling came down and cut you off from the rest of the team. It was just you and Dr. McCoy, lost in a labyrinth of ancient ruins and unmapped caves. The doctor was a smart man, a man you greatly respected, a man you were proud to call a friend (for the most part). But he was the last person you would want to be trapped underground with. Complaints came to him as easily as breathing and with every wrong turn, his agitation only grew worse.

"I can't believe this, we just had to explore the underground city and for what? What could we possibly gain from coming down here?" Leonard grumbled.

"Knowledge about a lost civilization? Insight into what it takes for an intelligent species to naturally go extinct?" You suggested as you led him deeper into the city, careful to avoid any traps the armed strangers might have set for you.

"Who cares?! This place is a deathtrap, a goddamned asthma attack waiting to happen! We had no business sticking our nose where it didn't belong, and where did it get us?! I'll tell ya where! Trapped miles underground with an armada of murderous cave dwellers, with no way of contacting the ship!"

"Why don't you complain a little louder doctor, I can still hear myself think. And while you're at it, how about you go ahead and alert all our enemies to our exact location." You snapped, keeping your voice down despite the frustration.

Leonard huffed and looked away from you.

"Look..." You sighed, "I know this situation sucks, but losing our heads isn't going to get us out of here. I'm doing everything in my power to find our team and get back to the ship. I need you to have a little faith in me for once. Can you manage that?" You asked as calmly as possible.

"What the hell do you mean, for once?" Leonard frowned.

You hesitated, unsure if you really wanted to open that can of worms, but he had already worn down your patience. You gave in. "Come on Doctor, it's no secret you have zero trust in me as the Chief Security Officer."

"That's not-"

"There's no point in denying it now. I mean, all you ever do is criticize my work and admonish me for being reckless." You stated cooly, keeping your eyes fixed on the path before you.

"Well, what do you expect me to do when you come back from half your missions with cuts and bruises?" McCoy groused.

"I expect you to do your job and heal me, not tell me how to do mine. I'm a security officer, Injuries are par for the course I'm afraid."

"Doesn't mean you have to throw caution to the wind every chance you get. You volunteer for every single dangerous situation you can find and act surprised when it goes wrong! Seriously, it's like you and Jim have this intense, cosmic desire to play the goddamned hero and be a general pain in my ass. Has it ever crossed your mind that maybe seeing you like that bothers me?"

"You know what bothers me doctor?" You turned to look at him. "The fact that I have undergone rigorous self defense training in four kinds of martial arts, various forms of aerial combat, tech weapons, as well as training in tracking, risk assessment, reconnaissance, and mediation; yet, you still think so lowly of me as an officer that you think I'm the type of person who throws caution to the wind. I'm not careless, I don't take unnecessary risks. I want to live for a long time, but more than that, I want you and the crew to live for a long time. If that means I get bumped around every so often, that's fine by me. Of course I volunteer for all the missions. I'm the Chief Security Officer. If I wasn't the most qualified person for the job, I wouldn't be the CSO." An unreadable expression passed over Leonard's face as you spoke. "Now I'm going to do what I came down here for, and you're just going to have to be okay with that because I don't know what else I can say to get you to believe in me."

A muscle feathered in Leonard's jaw as you turned around and started walking again. The two of you had your fair share of lighthearted quarreling before, but you had never been so... angry at him.

You were right of course, danger was a part of your job and it wasn't fair of him to criticize you for being dedicated. The ship has known a lot less casualties since you arrived. In fact, your presence has made his job easier. But every time you returned to the ship battered and bleeding, Leonard grew more afraid that next time you wouldn't come back at all.

Bones had allowed his feelings for you to get in the way of his professionalism, and if your reaction was anything to go by, perhaps even your friendship as well.

You normally got along quite well. You'd share meals during breaks and join him after hours for a drink. Leonard always found it strange you never talked about your work with him, but he always chalked it up to you just needing a break from your job. Instead you both talked about your hobbies, plans for the future, memories from the past, pretty much anything and everything but your job. The only times you ever had disagreements were when you came back hurt after a mission. He always assumed you understood that his comments about your recklessness came from a place of care and concern. In retrospect, it was a stupid thing to assume.

Leonard needed to apologize, to clear up this terrible misunderstanding before your resentment grew into something unfixable.

"Y/N, I'm-"

"Shh-" You froze and held your hand up, signaling him to stop.

Leonard froze as well. Everything was quiet... too quiet. His eyes darted to you. Your hands inched toward your phaser like you were anticipating an attack he had yet to detect. You stayed that way for a few moments, eyes darting this way and that. Eventually, you relaxed your shoulders and turned back to Bones with a finger to your lips. Leonard nodded and you were both on your way again.

He had never seen you in action before. In all the time you had been on the ship together, he'd never had the pleasure of seeing first hand how you dealt with a crisis on foreign soil. He could see now how you had made such a difference. You were level-headed and confident. Even after your little spat, you were doing your job to keep him safe so diligently. Bones also noticed how quiet you were. If you weren't right in front of him, he might not have even known you were there. He watched as you expertly avoided shuffling your feet and kicking rocks. He made sure to step where you were stepping, or at least he tried to.

Leonard felt the ground give under his feet and he instantly knew he fucked up.

"God dam- AHHH!" Something snapped tight around his ankle and he hit the ground hard. Leonard felt the wind being abruptly pushed from his lungs and he couldn't decide what scared him more, the rope dragging him across the ground to god knows where, or the fact he couldn't catch his breath.

"Shit!" You gasped and pulled out your phaser. "Leonard, hold on!" You sprinted after him and shot at the rope, but it was hard to hit such a small target. Then you saw his destination. There was a massive ravine at the end of the chamber. No time for thinking.

You planted your feet firmly on the ground and aimed at the rope. You clenched your jaw hard and shot.

The beam flew.

Leonard watched the light sever the rope, just in time!

He came skidding to a stop right at the lip of the cliff.

Bones was lost in a daze of adrenaline, but luckily you had the presence of mind to drag him back.

"Doctor? Len, are you okay?" You crouched beside him and took his face in your hands.

"Just peachy! What the hell happened?!" Bones groaned and sat up, with your assistance of course.

"Looks like you activated a trap, doc." You frowned.

"How's my back?" He winced.

"You got some skid marks, but it looks like your uniform did a pretty good job protecting you. I think you'll live." You said gently. Leonard administered a hypospray to himself and you helped him up.

Looking down in the chasm, you shook your head and huffed. "Looks like we're gonna have to find another way down. Why don't you take a breather and I'll look around?"

"Breather my ass," Leonard grumbled, "You just want me out of the way so I don't step on any more goddamned traps."

"Hey, you said it. Not me," You joked.

"At least have the courtesy to deny it!" He scoffed.

You laughed and handed him your communicator, "Here, yours got all busted during your tumble. Keep trying to get in contact with the Enterprise and I'll be back before you know it. Just don't touch anything. Think you can handle that?"

"Just get out of here before I schedule all your vaccinations for tomorrow." He scowled and fiddled with the communicator.

You snickered and went on your way.

Leonard grumbled to himself as he tried to get a signal. Dammit, he was a doctor! Not an engineer! After ten minutes of nothing, he huffed and ran a hand over his face. It was no use, they were in too deep. Their only hope of rescue would be that the captain realized something was off and sent a team after them.

In the meantime, he was at least happy to have some alone time with you-

"I think I found a way down," you said, startling the doctor so badly he almost jumped out of his skin.

"Dammit Y/L/N," He stood and dusted off his rear end, "You nearly gave me a heart attack."

"You say that like it's a difficult thing to accomplish," you smirked.

"You're hilarious. Why are we going down anyway, isn't that the opposite of what we want to do?" Leonard scowled.

"Down is the only direction left to go. It's not ideal, but it's all we have. I also heard talking coming from the bottom of that chasm. It's not in a language I understand, which means it's likely the cave dwellers. If they're hanging out down there, it probably means there's a path that loops back around. We'll have to keep quiet though, don't want them to know we're following."

Leonard's heart betrayed him and decided to start beating faster of its own accord. Sure, he found it really attractive when you showed off your intelligence. Of course he thought it was enticing when you spoke confidently, like the universe bowed to your whim. Did that mean he wanted to be spellbound by your endless charisma in such a dire situation? Hell, maybe he did. He wasn't even sure anymore...

"Sound good, doctor?"

He thought back to your... conversation about him having no faith in you. "Sounds great. Lead the way," he replied.

~~~

The path down was thin and arduous. The stairs could hardly be considered stairs anymore. It was more like a damp slide made of mineral buildup. Leonard was also beginning to realize he needed to do some more intense leg workouts. There was an exercise routine that all crew members were required to follow. But regardless of the shape he was in, his ass was burning! Time to up the incline on the treadmill.

You, however, were doing just fine. Not a single slip in the wet terrain. He could tell you were moving slower to keep Leonard from falling behind, which was only slightly embarrassing.

At the bottom of the ancient waterslide, there was a pool of questionable depth. Leonard cursed under his breath. The water was dark and so was everything else, even with their flashlights. They could walk right into a 400 foot drop and they wouldn't even know it. At least the waterfall flowing nearby would mostly drown out their screams.

You turned to Leonard and held your hand out to him. Thank god it was dark, you would have seen his face light up like the fourth of July! His blush only grew when you leaned in close to his ear. "Stay close. We're gonna take it slow," you whispered. He nodded and grasped your hand tight.

You waded into the freezing water and pulled McCoy along with you. Taking careful, controlled steps forward, you searched the floor for holes. The two of you moved at a snail's pace, but Leonard hardly cared. Better to be slow and steady than fast and... reckless.

You suddenly stopped, causing McCoy's chest to slam into your back. You flailed, teetering on some unseen edge. You tried to push him back, but Leonard's arms found your waist and pulled you into him.

"Dammit. Are you okay?"

"Peachy," you huffed. "Found a hole.''

"I figured," he slowly let go and tried to peer into the water. He saw nothing but darkness. Terrifying. God damned terrifying.

"How good are you at swimming?" you asked.

"Good when I can see where I'm going."

"Want to brave the waters, or go around?"

"I'd rather not have my pants and my shirt wet if I can help it."

"Go around it is."

Turns out the hole was huge. It took a long time to trace the perimeter, but eventually you ended up on the other side. You were both dripping and freezing, but at least you weren't drowning victims. Always look on the bright side.

Once you cleared the roar of the waterfall, it was back to silence. The alien voices were getting louder and louder with each step. Leonard wouldn't be surprised if they stumbled on a gaggle of them just around the corner. You kept your phaser in hand just in case. Leonard had his out as well... but he was a doctor, not a gunslinger.

The path slowly grew more steep, traveling upward like a real-life stairway to heaven. Huh... They had to go down... to go up... Leonard wondered why anyone would design a path this way. The corridor ended in a sharp turn, which you had the presence of mind to investigate before barreling in like you owned the place. There was an alcove with five unknown people of indiscernible origin. The one thing you were sure of was that they were not Human, Vulcan, Romulan, Ferengi, Klingon, or Andorian. In fact, these guys had four arms each, so you were able to rule out a great deal of species.

Normally, you would turn around and find a different route, but this was the only way forward. Leonard watched as you checked to ensure your phaser was on the stun setting. Nope, he did not like this one bit. What if you missed?! Were you really going to take on five people at once? He grabbed your arm and shook his head. You frowned and leaned into his ear once again. "There's no other way. I don't like it either... Stay back."

McCoy reluctantly did as you said. You outranked him. He didn't really have a choice. You stepped out from around the corner and shot off exactly five blasts. The doctor didn't see the beams make contact, but he did see the aftermath and... goddamn...

"Shit, darlin'," he placed his hands on his hips as he glanced over the room. "Remind me never to piss you off."

You holstered your phaser. "We should keep going... Could you give them a scan, doctor? Just to make sure I didn't... you know."

"Say no more, I'll have this done in a jiffy."

You snorted, "jiffy?"

"Don't even start."

"Adorable," you smiled and started collecting the weapons that had been haphazardly strewn on the floor.

McCoy nearly dropped his scanner.

'Come on man, get yourself together! You're a doctor for crying out loud! Act like one!'

Leonard shook his head of all thoughts regarding the implications of your one-word compliment. Instead, he focused on the readings of the scan. Oh, looks like these people are Kaviran. Kavirans are an endangered species of nomadic planet-hoppers. They're increasingly rare to find, no wonder he didn't know who they were at a glance. All five of them seemed to be in good health.

"I reckon they'll be just fine," Leonard stood and attempted to dust off his pants. It just smeared in like mud because the fabric was still damp.

"I reckon we better be on our way then," you smirked. While he was working, you hid the weapons... somewhere. Leonard was so caught up in the scans that he didn't see where you stashed them.

Leonard trailed behind you once again, but you had picked up the pace. He wasn't complaining per se, the sooner you got out of here, the better. The hard thing was realizing just how tired he was. What time was it? How long had they been down here? Surely Jim had noticed something was off by now!

McCoy cursed under his breath and pulled out your communicator he borrowed earlier... still no signal.

"Damn useless hunk of junk," the doctor grumbled.

"Still nothing?"

"Nothing. Seriously, what's the point in carrying these things around if they never work when you need them to?"

You nodded in agreement. "At least this might push Starfleet to do an overhaul of our coms technology. We needed one, like... yesterday," you chuckled.

"You can say that again... And while they're at it, they can update our ship's scanners. This place was supposed to be empty, remember?" McCoy raised an eyebrow.

"I'll be sure to put it in my report, along with a request for waterproof shoes," you grinned back at him.

"You know, I could go for a hot shower right about now," Leonard hummed.

"Head out of the clouds please, doctor."

"My head is currently as far from the clouds as it could possibly be. I'm 2,576 meters underground."

"Where'd you pull that number from?" you chuckled.

"My ass," he grumbled.

"That sounds very unsanitary, doc."

"Well, I would have pulled it out of my medical bag, but I lost it during the cave-in."

"Oh yeah, I thought you were missing somethi- Wait... where did you get the hypo from?" you turned to look at him.

"Hypo?" he asked.

"When you got caught in the trap, you gave yourself a hypospray to help with the pain. Where did you get it from?" you asked incredulously.

"Sweetheart, a good doctor always keeps a backup in his pocket. Especially when you've been a field medic as long as I have," Leonard said.

"And how long is that?" you chuckled.

"Never ask a man his age," Leonard winked. His eyes were probably playing tricks on him... but he could have swore he saw you blush. You turned away before he could confirm his suspicions.

"I'll just look it up in your file later," you teased.

"Isn't that a breach of conduct?" the doctor huffed.

"I'll be evaluating a security risk."

"Security risk?"

"Absolutely. Can't have a dinosaur operating on the crew~"

"We're the same age, smart-ass."

"Damn, doctor. You look good for your age." You turned and winked back at him.

Now it was Leonard's turn to be flustered. He opened his mouth and closed it a few times like a fish out of water, unable to form a sentence that would make even a lick of sense. McCoy finally settled on rolling his eyes and turning his attention to the cave walls. You just laughed and faced forward again.

With how you were acting, Leonard could almost believe things were normal, that he was not hundreds of feet underground. He could almost believe he was back on the Enterprise, playing darts with you in the recreation room... He could almost believe everything was okay between you.

He had been feeling it since, have a little faith in me for once, fell from your lips. McCoy had been a doctor for years, he knew what bedside manner looked like. You were trying to keep him at ease, pretending everything was fine... but it wasn't. The jokes... the smiles... they were all just tools for de-escalation. He thought through what he had said earlier about you coming back with all the cuts and bruises. He meant what he said, it does bother him... But it wasn't what he wanted to say.

He wanted to tell you that he trusts you, that he always will. He wanted to say that... that you're the bravest person he's ever met. He wanted to take it all back. Instead of calling you reckless, he should have said that seeing you in pain hurts him more than any physical wound he'd ever had.

He should have said, I'm sorry...

He could do it now. Was now the right time? When is it appropriate to apologize? When was it not? God, Leonard was such a mess. Why was it so hard to just say sorry?! It wasn't his pride getting in the way! If it was, he wouldn't even be able to admit any wrongdoing! 'Just say it you bastard! Tell them! It's on the tip of your tongue!'

"Y/N?"

"Yes, doctor?"

He didn't have time to speak. A deep, aggressive tone echoed down the dripping cave halls. It sounded like... a war horn? You turned back to look in the direction you just came from with a grave expression.

"Len, you're gonna have to hold that thought."

~~~

He couldn't quite remember when he started running, but down the narrow passage he flew, stumbling occasionally over uneven terrain. The wind screamed in his ears. Leonard was sure he had never run so fast in his life. You were right behind him, letting him set the pace, never passing him by. He wasn't sure how long he had been going for, but his lungs burned and his legs shook with every stride. He could stand for hours during surgery, but running nonstop through a cave was a whole different ballgame for him.

Leonard could hear yelling and heavy footfalls, but was unsure of which direction they were coming from. Were they being followed, or were they running into a trap? He found his answer soon enough when he skidded to a halt in front of twenty Kavirans... twenty-one actually. Then, when he thought the situation couldn't get any worse, the five Kavirans you left behind in the tunnel came up from the rear. You were boxed in. Two against twenty-six.

You pulled McCoy behind you, phaser poised to shoot at a moment's notice. It wouldn't do him much good when the cave-dwellers decided to attack, but he appreciated the sentiment.

"Humans. Lower your weapons and you will be left unharmed." One of the Kavirans said in gurgly English.

"I will not lower my weapon until your colleagues all do the same." You said cooly.

"To make this stand would be foolish. Lower your weapon," the Kaviran you assumed was the leader reiterated.

"It is against policy to lower my weapon until I have ensured the safety of the crew in my care."

"You attacked our people in our own home. You are in no place to bargain."

"You attacked us unprovoked shortly after we arrived. If we had known this place was occupied, we would have left it alone. We were on a scientific excursion. There was no intent to do you any harm-"

"And yet, five of my people have been ambushed." The leader gestured with one of his four hands to the slightly disoriented aliens behind you.

"I have no desire to fight you. Let us pass and we will leave you in peace." You seemed to realize it at the same time Leonard did. Discussion was futile. They wanted to kill you while putting in the least amount of effort possible. If you had no weapon to fight back with, what threat could you possibly pose?

"Lower your weapon," the leader scowled.

Leonard watched your shoulders tense. You raised your chin and narrowed your eyes at the Kaviran. "Doctor?" you said.

"What is it, Y/L/N?" Leonard clenched his jaw.

"Duck."

It took him a whole three-fourths of a second to register what you were asking of him, then he hit the deck.

You Immediately opened fire, taking down six Kavirans in a matter of seconds. You missed the seventh when your wrist was seized by one of the alien's long sticks, which clamped around your arm like the jaw of a beast and flipped you onto your back. You wrenched the stick out of his hand and snapped the shin of the guy beside you.

A heavy boot just barely missed your head. You ripped the weapon from your arm and swiped it under the legs of the assailant, driving your elbow into his ribs when he hit the ground.

Someone is on you. It's a mess of limbs. Four arms to your two. Your fist rattles his jaw. Once. Twice. Again.

He's on his back, your legs straddling his stomach as you wail on him. Four hands are on your shoulders. You grab two by the wrist and twist them out with a disgusting crunch.

Something burns in your shoulder as you stand. Leonard is on the ground, clawing at an alien's eyes with one hand, reaching for his phaser with the other. You grab the Kaviran by her hair and rearrange her face with your fist.

You're blinded by a sharp pain in your temple and the sound of phaser blasts barely breaks through the ringing. Bracing yourself on a rock, you catch your breath, but only for a second. A dodge, you grab the alien's stick and clock him in the stomach, then lock him in a choke hold with it. His four arms out-maneuver yours and the weapon is pulled from your hands.

Two more guys join in. A scramble for power ensues. You endure a barrage of punches. These guys are relying on arms. You force one into the wall with your shoulder and catch another in the spine with your foot.

Heavy breathing.

Shots are ringing out. The caves are dark and the only light is from the phaser, the laser guns, and the abandoned flashlights being kicked around the cave floor in the chaos.

The rest is over and your forehead clashes with an alien skull. Your side rips open on a rock as you fall to the ground, but you don't stay down for long. You decide to go for a new tactic, less hitting, more kicking.

One of them goes for a punch, you block with your forearm and bring your knee to her side before planting a swift kick to the face. The caves echo the sound of grunts and groans, fists and feet hitting flesh, and gunfire. You don't know where your phaser is, but you could really use it right about now.

Your eyes are starting to swell and everyone is starting to tire. You're relieved to see Leonard taking cover behind a rock column. You take another down, then another. Leonard is under heavy fire. If you can get the gunmen off him, then he will be free to stun the others into submission.

You run for the first gunman and surprise him with three well placed kicks, the other fires on you and misses miserably. You reward him with a broken nose and a dirt nap.

Your attention is occupied by four Kavirans, who lunge at you all at once. You're overpowered by the strength of their doubled limbs. One is holding down your arms, two more have subdued your powerful legs, and the last is destroying your face. You manage to yank one arm free to land a few hits on your main attacker, but it doesn't last long. Four hands are crushing your neck and-

Silence.

They all slump to the floor.

You lay there, too tired to fight the dead weight of the alien on top of you.

It wasn't until Leonard appeared like an angel sent from the heavens, that you finally remembered how to breathe. He pushed the guy off you and cradled your bloody face in his hands.

"Y/N? Darlin', can you hear me?"

"Loud and clear, doc," your voice came out as a dry rasp.

McCoy pulled a hypo from his pocket. "That's really good sweetheart, can you tell me where the pain is?"

"Everywhere hurts. My legs are sore, but I can walk. My head and my ribs feel the worst. Something is definitely broken." you cleared your throat.

"I'm thinkin' you're right... any numbness?"

"Yeah, some down my right arm and near my ribs and chest." you gestured with your slightly-less-injured left arm.

"Nerve damage, nothing I can do about that until we're back on the ship," Bones hung his head and sighed in defeat. That was when you noticed a small stream of blood trickling down the side of his face. You reached up and tenderly tried to brush it away with your thumb, but you only managed to smear it.

"You're hurt... I'm sorry-" you started.

"I'm hurt?! You-" Leonard's voice betrayed him. Doctors were supposed to exude a sense of calm, but he just couldn't keep it in this time. "You're laying here in a pool of your own blood and you're worried about me?!"

"Has anyone ever told you that you have incredible bedside manner?" you winced and tried to sit up, but he pushed you back down.

"Don't. You. Even. Dare," he narrowed his eyes at you, pulled out his tri-corder, and snatched one of the rogue flashlights from the floor. The scan results made him want to rip his hair out. Your whole body was basically covered in one big bruise. Five broken ribs, a broken nose, several major lacerations, laser wounds, and a massive concussion. That wasn't even close to all of it, but one thing at a time.

He injected you with his last spare hypospray. Leonard really wished he had his goddamned kit right about now. The gashes in your side needed to be closed somehow. You were losing too much blood with the wound open like that. No auto-suture, no thread and needle, no bandages. There was only one option. Cauterization.

"Stay," Leonard ordered before grabbing a laser off of a fallen Kaviran and one of the metal sticks from the floor. The doctor blasted the end of the rod until it was red-hot and settled beside you again.

"That doesn't look fun," you pursed your lips.

"It won't be. It's going to hurt... a lot," Bones said.

"Great," you huffed and leaned back into the dirt.

"Lucky for you, Spock gave me some good practice with this method a few years ago. It'll be quick, I promise," he tried to reassure you.

"Yeah, yeah. Just get it over with, please."

"Deep breath in," Leonard whispered soothingly. You squeezed your eyes shut and did as he asked. He peeled back your red shirt and pressed the scorching metal to your skin before he could second guess himself. The sounds of agony you made were torture to his ears. The seconds felt like hours, but eventually the screams fell away to quiet shivers and pants.

McCoy used his sleeve to wipe away some of the blood on your abdomen. No new blood replaced it, meaning he successfully closed it! "All done, sweetheart. No more..." He tossed the rod away and held your face in his soft hands again.

"Well..." you caught your breath. "That wasn't so bad... I don't suppose you have any water in those magical pockets of yours?" you asked hopefully.

"I'm afraid not," McCoy's eyes softened when they fell on you.

"It's fine, maybe I can ring out my pants and drink the water from our little swim earlier..." you joked.

Leonard sighed and shook his head, "Darlin', you are a force to be reckoned with..." He brought the cuff of his uniform to your cheek and tenderly wiped away whatever blood he could. Your face was swelling around the Orbital and Zygomatic regions. He could see it in your eyes... you were in a lot of pain and there wasn't a damned thing he could do about it. His med-kit was miles away, somewhere under several feet of debris.

"Where's my phaser?" you lifted your head, but he gently urged you back down.

"Easy there tiger, take a breather. I'll find it," McCoy groaned as he stood up. The hypo he used earlier for his back was starting to wear off. He must have been down here a lot longer than he realized.

The doctor scoured the floor for your phaser, but everything was so dark and his flashlight was getting low on power. After close to five minutes of searching, he swiped one of the enemy's lasers from the floor and brought it back to you. "Sorry, I know you aren't a fan of deadly weapons, but this is all we got."

You took a deep, shaky breath and forced yourself into a sitting position. "Let's hope I don't have to use it then..." you winced and placed the weapon in your holster. "We should get moving. These guys aren't gonna stay down for long."

Leonard nodded and brought your left arm around his shoulder, bracing your waist with his gentle hands. "Alright, up we go... Easy, easy. That was only a temporary fix back there..." he whispered. Slowly, Dr. McCoy eased you into a standing position. Almost immediately, your vision swam and your body sank against his.

"Oh..." you muttered, closing your eyes against the spinning room.

"Y/N? Talk to me. What are you feeling?"

"This is a bad concussion... the worst I've had. I feel like I'm sideways, standing on the wall instead of the floor."

"Okay, try taking a step for me."

You opened your eyes and took a step forward, but your upper body swayed to the side, attempting to account for the imaginary tilt. You probably would've fallen on your face if McCoy weren't there to catch you.

"Well, darlin' I gotta hand it to you. If you were any more off-center, you'd be the damned tower of Pisa"

"Leave me here... you need to go and find the others. I'll just slow you down."

"Out of the question. If the roles were switched, would you leave me behind?" McCoy raised his eyebrow disapprovingly.

"That's differen-"

"You and I both know that's a load of hooey. I'm not leaving you. End of story. Now sit here for a minute, while I figure something out."

You begrudgingly sat down on a rock, with Leonard's help of course, and watched as he paced for a few moments. You supposed he must have come up with something, because he stole a scarf from one of the aliens and started tying it around himself in various ways. You eventually decided to close your eyes. While you always enjoyed looking at the handsome doctor, your sense of vertigo was making it rather unbearable.

"Alright, I've got a plan, but it won't feel too good on your ribs."

"Great..." you mumbled, keeping your eyes shut.

"I'll try to be gentle-"

"I know Len... We're short on options and you're doing your best. It'll be okay... I trust you, " you offered him a smile. His heart did back-flips in his chest and it took everything in him not to tell you he loved you right then and there! Instead, he wrapped the scarf around you, hoping the extra support would make it easier to carry you long distance.

"Okay darlin', I'm gonna pick you up now... Is that okay?"

"I'm ready, go ahead," you said.

The moment your chest made contact with his back, you felt a wave of nausea-inducing pain all through your body. You pressed your face into his shoulder and tried not to make any noise. Leonard hoisted you up, hands clutching your thighs.

"How're you doing back there?" Leonard turned his head so you could hear him.

"Been better..." you managed. "Let's get moving doc, before I throw up on you or something."

"Wouldn't want that, would we?" he started walking away from the carnage at a brisk pace. His back was screaming at him, but he had no intention of putting you down. You winced at every sharp movement, so he tried to keep all shaking or bouncing to a minimum.

The path was tortuously uphill, with a few straightaways between that gave him some reprieve. Eventually, the cave walls gave way to carved buildings. The flashlight he had attached to his shirt was growing dimmer, so he was thankful for the more predictable pattern of the ancient roadways. All was quiet except for the shuffling of feet and running water. That was, until you spoke up.

"Hey Leonard?" you whispered. Your hot breath caused Bones to shiver.

"Yeah? What is it, do you need a break?" he asked

He felt you nod against his shoulder. You must be exhausted. Fatigue was common with concussions. He just needed to make sure you stayed awake until he could get you into a bio-bed.

"Just hold on a little bit longer, I think I hear a stream up ahead. Maybe we can get you that water you were asking for, huh?" he suggested.

You nodded again.

McCoy picked up the pace a little and started following the sound of the water. As luck would have it, they found what must have once been a beautiful fountain. Over the years, the water pouring from the ceiling ate away at whatever carving had been there. The fountain was now nothing more than a circular pool being fed by a small waterfall, but presentation matters not when you're as thirsty as a riverbed in a drought.

Leonard eased you onto the lip of the pool and leaned you back against a stone structure that probably used to be a retaining wall. He sat the scarf to the side and pulled out his tri-corder again. A quick scan informed him that the water was safe to drink. McCoy washed his mitts in the basin before cupping them under the waterfall. Once full, he brought them to your lips and urged you to drink.

He did this a few times until you seemed satisfied, only then did he allow himself a few sips. Bones stretched out his legs and cursed under his breath. His whole body felt like lead. He was sure you were enjoying the break too. That pressure on your chest must have been terrible, even with the medicine dulling the pain. Yet, you never complained. Not even once. He wished you would lean on him, let him give you some comfort. Instead, you were probably bracing for him to make some unsolicited comments about you and your work.

Leonard was pulled from his reverie when you tilted toward the water with the intent to cleanse yourself of the caked on blood. Your face contorted in discomfort and you pressed back against the wall. You took a moment to collect yourself and tried again, but McCoy stopped you with a soothing squeeze of the shoulder. "Let me do it..."

"Leonard, you don't-"

"You took down the quad-armed madmen, now it's my turn. You did your part... Let me do mine." He peered at you with those gorgeous hazel eyes and you were powerless to refuse. You nodded and leaned your head back against the rock.

He knelt in front of you and took your hands into his. Leonard's palms were soft and tender... the hands of a healer. Yours were bloody and busted and callused. You weren't sure it should be legal for you to touch someone like him. He didn't bend you toward the water. Instead, he got his hands wet and wiped away the stains using slow, circular motions. The cold water felt nice against the scrapes on your knuckles.

Bones was always gentle with you, even if he wasn't pleased with you. To be honest, it was one of the things you most looked forward to when you got back from a long mission. Amidst all the uncertainties in the universe, the one thing you could always count on was Leonard. You could count on a southern metaphor and a few well-placed medical jokes to keep you from falling apart at the seams. His smile, his voice, his touch... they were your anchor.

He should have left you behind. He probably would have made it to safety by now, but he was stubborn as a mule. No amount of arguing would shake him when his mind was made up. You couldn't decide whether you loved that about him or hated it.

You loved it, of course you did... You loved everything about him. No point in denying it now. You needed him safe, not here taking care of you.

"Leonard, I need you to do something for me..." you said.

"What is it, sweetheart?" he whispered in that drawl you loved so much.

"I need you to go and find the others," you murmured, peering at him through half-lidded eyes.

His hands ceased all movement and he looked at you with an ambivalent expression... the one he always wore when he was about to scold you. You sighed and braced for the impact.

"Are you out of your mind? I can't leave you here! It's not safe!" he furrowed his brows at you.

"That's exactly why I need you to go. I've put you in danger long enough. I'm not getting any better Leonard, I'm slowing you down."

"I'm not leaving," he glared at your hands as he washed them.

"Why do you always have to do this?" your voice shook.

Leonard froze.

"Why can't you just trust me? I'm trying to keep you safe! I've become a detriment to your survival. You have to leave me. Please. Just one time... I don't want to argue anymore... I just want you to live... I love you, dammit!" Tears carved a path through your bloodstained face.

Leonard's throat burned as he struggled not to cry. You meant it... He could see it in your eyes, hear it in the desperation in your voice. You were at your breaking point. The cool and confident Y/N was gone. He couldn't be a coward anymore. It was time to just come out and say it. But when he tried, all that came out was a remorseful croak. No. He had to show you.

Bones cradled the sides of your face in his hands and pressed his lips against yours. His body moved of its own accord, desperate to get closer. His breath hitched when your fingers snaked into his hair, your touch sent a wave of goosebumps down his arms. The kiss was clumsy, full of bumping foreheads and clashing noses in the dark. But despite the messiness of it all, he wanted nothing more than this moment to last forever.

The eagerness slowly melted into soft, slow kisses. Finally, Leonard pulled away, eyes swimming with regret. His thumbs brushed over your cheeks. His lips quivered on the edge of speaking.

"I can't leave you... I can't do it... I trust you... I don't think you're reckless, or foolhardy, or whatever else I've said through the years. You're a hero! My hero, and I think you're incredible at everything you do. You're the best damned CSO we've ever had on the Enterprise and I should have been tellin' you that all along," McCoy shook his head. "I'm sorry I led you to believe I thought you were anything less than perfect... I love you, Y/N... Don't ask me to leave you behind..." he pleaded.

McCoy's breath caught in his throat when you lightly grabbed his wrist. His eyes glinted off the ever-dimming flashlight, giving the illusion that stars were suspended within.

Your attention darted over to his hands... his impossibly soft hands. You allowed yourself the privilege of intertwining your fingers with his.

"Y/N?"

"Have I ever told you that you have beautiful hands?" You murmured tiredly.

"Can't say you have..." he whispered breathlessly.

"Well, you do... You've held my life in them so many times... You're my hero too..." you hummed and closed your eyes. You brushed your slightly-chapped lips over his knuckles, making Leonard melt to the core.

"Y/N..."

"It looks like we've reached an impasse... I love you too much to let you stay... You love me too much to leave..." You murmured against his fingers.

"Then I guess it's time we came up with a compromise..." Leonard whispered. You opened your mouth to respond, but an unexpected voice took you both by surprise.

"That is incorrect doctor, no compromise will be needed."

You had your laser out in a matter of seconds and Leonard had his flashlight aimed at the stranger. In the dim lighting, you could see that the person wasn't actually a stranger. It was Spock!

"What the- What- Spock?! How long have you been standing there?!" McCoy bellowed.

"Since you informed Commander Y/L/N that you love them," Spock raised an eyebrow and stepped closer.

"Dammit, Spock! Why didn't you say something?!"

"I felt it would be rude to interrupt-"

"Nevermind that. I need you to go get a stretcher and bring it here! Y/N is badly injured!" Instead of leaving like Bones expected, Spock pulled out his communicator. "Spock, that thing doesn't work down he-"

"Spock to field team. I need a stretcher at my location. I have left a trail for you to follow. Yes. Yes, I will inform them," the Vulcan closed his communicator and resumed his signature resting pose with his hands behind his back, "The medical team is on their way here with a stretcher and supplies."

"Now the communicator works!" Leonard threw his hands up in exasperation.

"Have you found the rest of the crew?" You asked, hope evident in your tired voice.

"Your team all made it out alive, Commander. Minimal injuries. They were placed under heavy surveillance, likely with the intention to sell our officers in an underground market. They managed to escape when a horn sounded. Several Kavirans left to investigate, leaving only two guards. Security officers Lewis and Elfan dispatched them quickly and led the others to safety. By the time they made it back to the entrance, rescue personnel had blasted their way in. They are resting in the medbay as we speak."

You released a sigh of relief and sagged against the stone. You could finally breathe easy knowing your team was alright. "Thank you, Spock."

"How far are we from the surface?" McCoy asked.

"2.414 kilometers," Spock replied.

"A mile and a half?! We were almost there?!"

"No doctor, you were going in the wrong direction. It is fortunate I found you when I did."

McCoy shot him a glare and returned his attention to you. "How are you feeling sweetheart? Do you need anything?"

"I need a nap..." you tried to smile.

"You can have one when we get back to the Enterprise. Think you can hold on a bit longer for me?"

"For you doc, I'd do anything," you winked.

Leonard blushed and smiled. "You're damn near ready to pass out and you're trying to make me weak in the knees~"

"You say that like it's a difficult thing to accomplish, doctor..." you whispered and shivered. The loss of blood had taken down your body temperature by a significant amount.

McCoy settled beside you on the floor, hissing as his scraped back made contact with the cool stone. You tucked yourself into his side and snickered.

"What?" he frowned.

"You smell terrible," you smirked back.

"Then why are you moving closer to me?"

"I'm hoping if I sit close to you, you'll kiss me again~" you joked.

Leonard didn't dare look at the Vulcan standing a few feet away. He didn't look at you either. He just sat there, practically steaming from the embarrassment.

"It was a joke, doctor," you teased.

Bones let out a sigh of relief.

"Jeez, don't sound too disappointed," You laughed and winced as a jolt ran through your ribs.

"you wanna kiss me that bad?" he asked.

"I've only been wanting to for like... a year," you shrugged.

He leaned close, his lips ghosted over your ear. "Don't worry darlin'. Once you're all healed up, you can have me all to yourself..." he drawled in a whisper.

Your face lit up like a wildfire. You were amazed at how quickly he had turned the tables on you...

At least you weren't cold anymore.

~~~

It took thirty minutes for the medical team to arrive with a stretcher and thirty more minutes to exit the cave. Almost as soon as the moonlight hit your face, you were beamed up onto the ship. You barely had a second to greet the Captain before you and Leonard were whisked away to the medbay. Due to the injuries McCoy sustained during his time underground, he was not permitted to operate on you. Dr. M'Benga took wonderful care of you and within the week, they allowed you to rest in your own room.

Leonard made regular house calls and sat by your side most nights after his shift. He was determined to help you make a swift recovery.

You watched him out of the corner of your eye, admiring the shadows his tousled brown hair was casting on his face. The doctor was trying not to doze off and failing miserably. It was a mesmerizing sight.

"You're staring, Darlin'," he murmured and peeked an eye open at you.

"Stop being so pretty and I'll stop staring," you shrugged. He rolled his eyes, but the blush gave him away. For his sake, you decided to change the subject. "You know, doctor... I never said thank you."

"Thank me? for what?" he asked.

"For saving my life..."

"You don't need to-"

"I do. It's not easy... your job, I mean. People like me, the fighters, get all the spotlight, but you put yourself on the line... carried me to safety. I saved your life once... You've saved mine... I don't even know how many times," your eyes softened. "Thank you for everything... "

Leonard stared at you for a moment before leaning in and kissing you softly. A sentry and a surgeon. The ultimate pair. After years of dancing around each other, you finally gave in.

Your doctor pulled away with a lazy grin and tucked your head under his chin. "There you go again, wooing me with your endless charisma."

"Says the man who's filled to the brim with southern charm."

"At least I don't use my charm as a means to get what I want."

"How else was I supposed to get your attention with you falling asleep over there?~"

"You could have asked nicely. Haven't you ever heard of the word, please?"

"Can't say that I have."

"Don't you worry darlin', you'll learn soon enough," he smirked against your temple.

You halfheartedly smacked McCoy's chest. "Slow down there, cowboy. My ribs are still broken," you sassed.

"Just giving you an incentive to heal quicker," he kissed your head and pulled you closer.

"Mhm..." you closed your eyes and listened to his steady heartbeat. A month ago, you could have only dreamed of holding him like this... of being held. Now he was here, tracing shapes on your shoulder with his delicate fingertips.

"Y/N?"

"Len?" you smiled, eyes still closed.

"I hope you know that I'd do it again... a billion times over," he said. You knew what he meant.

"Me too..." you hummed in agreement.

You'd take the beating again and again for him... and no matter how many beatings you took... you knew he'd be there waiting to make it better again. A vicious cycle.

"I love you," he whispered.

You wouldn't change it for the world.

"I love you too."

You had a lot of healing to do before you could fully embrace this exciting new development in your life, but for now, you were content.

Content, huh? Now that's the understatement of the century.

....................

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