#well uncomfortable at that point but angry afterwards

[steventhusiast]

STWG daily prompt 11/10/23

prompt: different first meeting

pairing/character(s): steddie

-

Eddie's well acquainted with Hawkins Police Station at this point in his... entrepreneurial career. He probably couldn't count the amount of times he's been here on two hands, let alone one. Whether it's for being spotted with weed, or suspicious parents reporting his van for being parked in middle class areas of Hawkins, or just his slightly reckless driving style, he's been here a lot.

Nothing ever happens beyond a proverbial slap on his wrist. He thinks Chief Hopper's either got a secret soft spot for him, or he just pities him because he's poor. Whichever way, it works out for Eddie.

Which brings him to now. He's sitting at one of the benches by the secretary's desk, head tilted back to lean against the wall while Callahan does paperwork about Eddie's latest infraction, watching the clock on the wall opposite him as it ticks on. He wonders why the secretary is even still here.

It's pushing midnight at this point; he's been sat there for about twenty minutes now, and just wants to get home. But he has to wait for Callahan to call Wayne to pick him up, because he wasn't in his van when he got reported this time- he was just the unlucky last person to leave a party that some middle aged woman called the cops on. Whatever.

He's very bored, is the point.

Or at least he is until the Station's door swings open to reveal a very dishevelled looking Steve "The Hair" Harrington. Eddie's about to scoff and say something antagonising to the prior King of Hawkins High, someone he has heard a lot about, but has never gotten to officially meet. His fall from grace had been quick, and he doesn't talk to his old cronies anymore, but Eddie still holds a grudge. Never trust a jock.

But then he notices Steve's current state.

His curiosity is piqued by the pyjama pants paired with a hastily thrown on leather jacket, and the bedhead, and the puffiness around Steve's eyes. Very interesting. He'll stay quiet for now.

"Hey, Flo." Steve greets as he walks up to her desk, sniffing harshly afterward and bringing one hand up to hastily wipe at his eyes as he talks to the woman.

"Hey, kid. You looking for Hop?" Flo asks him, and Eddie's eyebrows raise at the obvious familiarity in the way she talks to Steve. Even more interesting.

"Yeah. He, uh, he in?" Steve shuffles uncomfortably as he asks that, and brings his hand down slowly to fit back into his jacket pocket. Eddie notes that it's shaking. (And if his eyesight were better, he would see the angry red crescent shapes on Steve's palms from his nails.)

"He's in his office right now. I'll go get him. Take a seat, okay?"

And with that, Flo gets up and disappears toward Hopper's office. Eddie watches Steve's shoulders raise as he takes in an aborted deep breath, head tilted back to look at the ceiling, and then as the shoulders sink again with a loud, shaky exhale. Steve seems to shake his head as he tries to take another deep breath, and fails again.

"Harrington, you good?" He asks, unable to take just watching him barely hold off a breakdown anymore.

Unfortunately, him speaking absolutely spooks Steve, who whips around to look at Eddie with wide eyes, and, oh. His eyes are bloodshot, and there are obvious tear stains on his face. Steve's cheeks flush when he registers who's sat there.

"Oh. Uh, hey, Munson." Steve greets, voice just as shaky as those attempted deep breaths have been, "I'm- yeah. Yeah I'm good."

Eddie snorts at the lie, and then pats the seat next to him.

"Dude, I just watched you shake in place for a solid twenty seconds. You are not good."

Steve manages a tiny smile at that, but it quickly wobbles as fresh tears seem to well in his eyes, and he looks at the ground. Oops. Eddie did not mean to cause that response, he swears!

"Hah, yeah, okay." Steve's voice breaks as he speaks, and he clears his throat awkwardly, his neck going a little flushed in embarrassment, "I'm just- I'm gonna-"

Steve never finishes his sentence, just vaguely gestures toward the direction of Hopper's office, and walks away.

And Eddie's left wondering what the hell is wrong with the fallen king, and why the hell he's seeking out Hopper for comfort instead of his own god damn parents?

part 2

[read-write-thrive]

part 1

“Waiting for the other shoe to drop”, while pessimistic, seemed to be a running theme in Charles Rowland’s life. It wasn’t really a phrase he heard when he was alive, to be fair, but at some point he’d come across it (probably hanging out with too many Americans, but can’t remember for sure) and it felt a little too much accurate. His dad’s come home angry again? Time to wait for the fallout. He’d gotten written up at school for not paying attention? Just a disaster waiting to happen. He goes against his best mate’s advice? There he goes, literally torn from Charles’s arms and back to hell, just as he’d said. Maybe the last one was a little dramatic, but that’s the gist.

The looming anxiety of it all usually slid off of him for the minor stuff, and was otherwise bottled up and shoved far away for the heavier stuff, but regardless he didn’t let it show. Have to keep up appearances and all. He’d only had one real instance of all those emotions blowing up (and he still blames the Night Nurse for all that mess) so he thought he was doing a bang-up job keeping himself together.

That was until his dad died. Yeah, it was rough, and he ended up berating the old man on his death bed, which probably was a shitty thing to do. And yeah, he’d needed a bit of a cry afterwards. So what? Blokes cried sometimes, and he was man enough to admit to his emotions and all that. The girls had done a good job of emphasising that he (and, mostly, Edwin) needed to express their emotions more. That it was healthier to let it out than bottle it all up. Not sure if they still needed healthy habits as ghosts, but it wasn’t hurting anyone. Just a little uncomfortable.

All that to say, it felt like his friends had been treading on eggshells around him ever since his dad died. Which was infuriating, yeah, but also didn’t make sense to him. Especially after he’d already cried—did they expect him to get angry again? To blow up over a dead man? He thought he’d gotten it out of his system just fine, so getting these weird vibes was starting to stress him out more than anything. He’d resolved to bring it up on their next movie night and ask why they were acting funny—didn’t want to mess up a case, after all.

However, he didn’t get the chance before it all came crashing down on his head. Ultimately, Edwin was the messenger.

“Charles, I—“ he took an unnecessary breath, “Have you checked on your mother lately?”

His undead heart went cold, but his default smiley ways were still stuck on, “Not really, why?”

Edwin’s eyes were sad, which was never good. He didn’t emote unless it was serious, “I think you need to visit her. She’s not faring well.”

And so they went. Turns out everyone hadn’t been waiting for Charles to blow up, but rather for his mother to pass and then for him to break down all over again. Edwin had been checking on her daily since his father’s passing, deducing correctly that Charles would be too swept up in the emotions around his dad dying to remember that his mum wasn’t getting any younger.

The girls weren’t free until the evening, but they promised to stay in touch and maybe visit later if they could (particularly if they could figure out how to visit the Hospice without rousing suspicion). And so Edwin and Charles were on their own.

Charles had rushed into the room, as if running at the issue would evade the emotions of it, or as if getting there quickly would reveal it was all a lie—neither of which were true.

Instead, he was face to face with a dying woman with some resemblance to the photo on the mantle in the house he grew up in—his grandmother, or maybe his great grandmother, or some favourite aunt, he couldn’t remember anymore— hair gone fully white, pulled back into a tight bun so as to keep her curls controlled, keeping her gaunt, sleeping face exposed. Unlike that photo, this woman was in a hospital gown, tucked into sterile sheets, with a tube under her nose to help her breathe. Gone were her usually loud and ornate earrings, her bare fingernails stained from years of colour. There was a singular blanket laid across her lap, on top of the sheets, that almost looked more familiar than the woman it covered. It was her, but apparently he hadn’t stopped to just look at her any time recently, if ever. It felt too much like looking at a ghost, as ironic as that felt.

She was awake, but halfway to dozing. There was someone at her side, adjusting the blanket and murmuring reassurances in what was definitely Punjabi. It had been so long since he’d heard it, added to having never properly learned anything besides English under the threat of his father, that he couldn’t make out the words. That realisation left a stinging feeling in his chest.

“A relation of yours?” Edwin asked at a whisper, coming up to stand beside Charles, almost entirely copying his position from that fateful hospital room. It didn’t seem as if either of the room’s living occupants had noticed them.

Charles blindly reached for Edwin’s hand for comfort, not looking away from the scene in front of him and matching his partner’s volume, “No idea. Don’t think I’ve seen them before.”

Edwin hummed, “Perhaps a little too young to have met you. Or someone your mother reconnected with recently—“

“I’m not really in the mood for deductions, love.” Charles said, not unkindly. Everything felt too fragile to be picked apart like that.

“Right. Apologies.” Edwin squeezed his hand and went quiet.

Charles squeezed his hand back in forgiveness, joining in the silence. He kept going back to what the stranger was saying, familiar consonants both soothing and devastating. What kind of a son was he, failing to comfort his dying mother, unable to speak her mother tongue, a stranger to his relatives? His tears were thankfully silent.

It took much longer for his mother to see them than his father. Several days passed, with the mystery relative coming and going more days than not, and the usual nurses and caregivers administering various care. Over time, the boys (the girls couldn’t figure out how to enter the space, but were supportive from their distance) had learned that the stranger’s name was Sangeeta, and she was a niece of his mother’s who’d noticed her steady decline and was the one to take her to hospital and then to hospice care. Charles’s mother had apparently stopped taking care of herself after her husband’s death, and she had refused other care, so at this point all they could do was make her comfortable. Charles spent a whole morning ranting to Edwin about it, how unfair it was that her life was so tied up in his asshole father’s that she wasn’t even trying to live after he was gone. Edwin, the deeply kind person he was, had let Charles rant until he ran out of steam, then gently pointed out that she’d been under the thumb of his father for far longer than Charles was, and that she’d now had to mourn her husband and her only child, which presumably takes a toll. Charles had started crying before Edwin had even finished talking, and Edwin had held him close on the plush sofa for the rest of the day.

It was hard to tell if it was a comfort or not when she finally saw them, but Charles decided that wasn’t important to think about right now, if ever. Right now, his mother could see him for the first time in forty years, and they didn’t know for how much longer. And yet, with all this time to prepare, he still found himself speechless when the time finally came.

“Mere laal,” She beat him to the punch, eyes glazed over but clearly locked on Charles, “I am glad to see you again, beta. It’s been so long.”

Charles let out a shakey breath, “Hi, mum. It’s—well— it’s been longer for you. I’ve visited a few times, over the years.”

She reached out a sinewy hand on a bone-thin arm, and Charles flew to the seat by her side, keeping his focus to make sure his hand stayed solid in her grasp. He vaguely noticed Edwin taking the seat beside him.

“Such a handsome boy. You were so young.” Tears welled up in her eyes.

Charles, all anxious energy and nerves, tears of his own threatening to spill, was quick to respond, “It’s alright, mum, I’m alright. No need to cry over me.”

She huffed, “Nonsense. You were the light of my life. Who else should I cry over?”

They were both crying at this point, tears streaming as they sniffled in turns. Edwin laid a careful hand on Charles’s back in a show of comfort.

However, that seemed to give Charles an idea, “No, really mum, it’s okay! See the bloke next to me? His name’s Edwin, and he’s been by my side all these years! He’s the one who first found me, and we’ve been helping people ever since. It’s been aces. Not sad one bit.”

Edwin stiffened at the mention, then all but froze when her eyes turned to him. He knew he looked night and day from Charles, and if he started talking she was bound to find him as abrasive as everyone always did, so why had Charles pointed him out!? If ghosts could sweat, Edwin would be drowning in his nerves.

Her gaze stayed on him for a long moment before she broke the silence, “He’s been good to you? Not like those other boys.”

Edwin wasn’t sure what to do with that, but thankfully Charles was quick on the uptake, “Not like them at all. He’s— he’s the best, mum. None of those tossers could even compare.”

“Because the boys— the ones who—“

Charles gripped her hand, “I know, I know. He’s a genuinely good person, Edwin. I was bad at picking friends in life, but thankfully I chose well with this one.”

His attempt at joking was overlooked completely by her, “Those boys, how could they do that? I knew their families, John Parish’s mother went to your funeral… Such cruel boys…”

“I’m alright, mum, I’m okay.” Charles kept going, smiling even as the tears continued, “It’s all in the past.”

“I should’ve fought harder for you… kept you close… mere laal, taken from me…” She was sobbing, her whole frame shaking with hiccoughs.

“It’s okay, it’s okay,” Charles took a steadying breath, “You know I couldn’t have stayed in that house, mum. And no one could’ve known those lads would go that far…”

Her sobs were worse for a moment, then stilled suddenly as she fought for oxygen. She coughed weakly.

At that, Charles’s crying intensified, despite all he did to keep himself together. He could tell. He knew what was coming. It was still devastating to see. Edwin pulled him in for a proper side hug, taking care not to jostle his grip on his mum.

This did not go unnoticed, and the dying woman suddenly smiled, as if the devastation was forgotten with the oxygen. She looked back to her son, “I am glad you have been happy, beta. You deserved happiness.”

“I’m happy, I’ve been so happy mum, I promise,” Charles tried to calm himself down, stuck in his reassuring her.

“Mere laal, light of my life, darling boy,” She breathed with difficulty, smile dropping, “Can you forgive me? I failed you…”

Charles’s frame shook with his vigorous nodding, “I forgive you, mum, you did the best you could, I love you so much—“

Her weak smile returned, glinting in the lamplight of the evening room, “Thank you, beta. You were too good for me, for this world…”

“All because of you, I swear it, all thanks to you—“

“Charles.”

“I love you, I’m sorry I wasn’t a better son, I’m could’ve been better, gotten you out of that house—“

“Charles, darling.”

“You deserved better, I love you, I forgive you—“

“My love, the light—“

Edwin was right, a deep blue light had filled the space, illuminating the still body of his mother. Her face was pulled into a slight smile, eyes closed, as if she was having a pleasant dream, even as the tear tracks dried on her cheeks.

“No, no I’m not ready—“ Charles immediately started to protest, gripping onto her hand like a lifeline.

“Charles—“

“I only just got to see her! She only just got free of him! No, no, I won’t—“

Edwin gently but solidly grabbed under Charles’s arms, “I’m sorry my love but we should go—“

Charles was nothing but hysterics by this point, head thudding onto the sheets for a moment before Edwin fully pulled him away. He said more, but Charles was too overwhelmed to process it properly, buzzing in his ears and headache behind his eyes making him feel alive in all the worst ways. Maybe it was just the first time he had cried this hard in his afterlife, or maybe being this close to an active death did something to their physiology—

Everything was a blur as they returned to the flat, Edwin all but carrying him through the mirror so that he wouldn’t get lost on the way. They collapsed onto the sofa, extra large cushions taken up by their ghostly presences. The girls were already there, and joined into the cuddle pile without another word (or perhaps with a few, Charles still wasn’t all there yet). Edwin jostled them all slightly to better position everyone before settling in again, making sure Charles was properly surrounded.

Charles sobbed for a while longer. He wasn’t quite sure for how long, or what day it was, or if he was bothering his friends by taking up their time and space like this. His devastation had seemed to take over his entire being. But, when he did breathe a little easier, when he was finally able to sit up, he couldn’t help but feel a sense of relief. His mom was dead, yes, but so was he, and dying had granted them both freedom from that man, from that house, from the cruelties of the world. And in his death he was surrounded by people who loved him, people who were there for him when he needed them and would still be there for him tomorrow, and the next, and the next. The other shoe had dropped, and it certainly hurt, but thankfully he had people around him to help him through it. He was truly lucky to have them.

~

hope you enjoyed this impromptu series exploring Charles and his parents and grief and loss and all those lovely things. this was inspired by the complicated emotions I have / had after my grandparents passing, and I heavily encourage you to do something similar if you’re ever struggling with these big emotions—therapists and such will say that journaling is where it’s at, but sometimes it’s easier to project onto fictional characters and that’s ok !!! and, just to drive the point home, I want to reiterate that you are loved, and there are people around you who are there to support you, I promise ❤️

also, just to make it abundantly clear, I’m a v white midwestern american and as such have vvv limited knowledge of cultural aspects of Charles’s mom—I did research and tried my best, but if I screwed anything up PLEASE let me know so I can fix it!!!!! same goes for Britishisms ig but mostly looking for feedback on her Punjabi and her various cultural elements :)

[fiber-optic-alligator]

(Not a request dw)

Imagine Drift's claustrophobic Little One trusting him so much that even though noms are a no-no, they'll let him have a taste occasionally by sticking their arm in his mouth. Letting him gently toy with it, slick it up with solvent, and purr at their taste. But... Seeing how nervous they are, sitting in his servo, with their arm in his intake. Like he's gonna bite down at any moment. He would Never! But he could.

He... Appreciates... Their attempt at a compromise, but for the most part, he's probably just gonna stick to cheeky, affectionate drive-by licks.

After a minute or two of giving their arm a thorough, but gentle, tasting session Drift releases them. (He wasn't holding onto them with his dermas at all, so if his Little One wanted to pull away, they could) And, because they're just So sweet and cute Drift can't help but give them a gentle kiss on the forehead. (Read: their entire face bc he's humongous)

Maaaaaaaybe a little bit of gentle licking them from where they sit on his servo too, just to be certain of their sweetness. And because their exasperated, but fond expression is Too cute to miss out on. <3 Don't worry, he's got a fluffy towel with their name on it for afterwards. Then it's cuddle time! (Presumably with him sleeping on his back, and with his Little One sleeping on his chest bundled up in blankets.)

Anon every time you send an ask like this I go absolutely feral.

I love scenarios like this so much. You captured the way Drift cares about his little one so well. Obviously tasting his human and holding them in his tank is a very important thing for him; it’s become a sort of ritual at this point, a more physical way for him to show you his love. But if you were to have a deep sense of claustrophobia? Of course he isn’t going to force you down into an environment you will be uncomfortable in! Tank time (that’s a humorous way of looking at being *eaten alive* by a giant robot) is something he wants you to look forward to! It shouldn’t be something you dread! So if he were to realize that it’s just not something you can handle, he won’t try it anymore. I think I said this in another ask addressing this topic, but Drift would be disappointed. However, he’s not going to be angry, and certainly won’t try and get rid of you. There is no way you can be seen as “defective” in his eyes. You just have certain preferences! All creatures do. So if giving you tongue baths and little drive-by licks is what he has to settle for, than he’ll take it!

Gosh, thinking about his little one offering him their arm for him to taste is such a sweet concept. His spark would melt and he would be so grateful that you’re trying to find a level of compromise when it comes to noms. Though like you said, he’d probably just settle for giving you soft licks like a cat grooming her kitten. Not only does he get to savor your addictive flavor, but he also finds it rather therapeutic to just sit there with you cradled in his hands, letting his mind go blank while he looks down at you with a half-lidded gaze and just slowly runs his tongue over you repeatedly. And *yes*, he would love having cuddle time with you. Whether it’s you sleeping on his chest or curled up in the crook of his neck, he’s going to bundle you up in a blanket and show you so much love and appreciation after he’s done with your tongue bath :)

[rollinouttahere-writes]

hi Lin lin! Hope it’s not to late to request yandere Zoro 🥰 for the alphabet I choose ; F, H , I , J , K please if that’s alright UWU

Fight: How would they feel if their darling fought back?

I hope you're strong if you're trying to fight back against Zoro of all people. Not because I think that gives you a chance, but because Zoro gets more angry with you fighting back based off of how much weaker you are than him. If you're at least somewhat formidable, he'll just kind of role his eyes after he defeats you and lightly scold you for even trying that. If you're weaker than him, he gets furious. He won't even bother unsheathing a sword, he'll just effortlessly pin you down with his bare hands and yell at you for being stupid enough to even try that. You need his protection, and you thought that it was a good idea to try and fight him? How delusional can you be?

Hell: What would be their darling’s worst experience with them?

It takes a lot to push him to the point of being willing to do this, but if you've been together for years and you consistently keep trying to escape, he will cut off a leg. He doesn't want you to die, so he'll tie a tourniquet just above where he wants to cut and make sure Chopper is nearby to tend to you after he's done. Before he does this, he drugs your drink to keep you from squirming around too much, as well as to make you not remember it as clearly as you could. The cut will be fast and clean, and he'll bring you to Chopper immediately. So long as you don't try anything again after this, he'll allow you to have a prosthetic, but if you don't behave... maybe he'll take the other leg, too.

Ideals: What kind of future do they have in mind for/with their darling?

He doesn't have a specific plan beyond just having your companionship. He wants to keep you by his side and protect you for the rest of your lives, but that's really all that he's thought about in depth. He's a simple man. Marriage doesn't cross his mind until someone else asks when you two are going to get married. He likes the idea well enough, but all that he winds up doing with you is exchanging rings and drinking together in private afterwards. This will only happen if you've been successfully broken in and accept him and the relationship.

Zoro would have children with you eventually, but it happens entirely on accident. Either because you had a surprise baby naturally, or because he found some scrappy kid on the street that reminded him of himself in his youth that he then decided to bring home.

Jealousy: Do they get jealous? Do they lash out or find a way to cope?

He says that he doesn't get jealous, but he's lying through his teeth. While he won't get jealous from his fellow Straw Hats interacting with you, everyone else is on thin ice. He can't stand seeing you freely converse with someone when you won't even give him that same courtesy. Anyone bold enough to touch you is losing that hand. He doesn't cope with his jealousy at all and resorts to violence in an instant.

His treatment towards you varies based off how you reacted to whoever approached you. If you're visibly uncomfortable and not engaging with them, Zoro will spend the rest of the night with you in private while murmuring apologies for leaving you alone and vulnerable like that. But if you were in any way receptive... he's going to lose it on you. He'll drag you away from wherever you were and interrogate you like you've committed a crime. He wants to know what was so special about that person that you were "all over them". If he doesn't like your answers, he'll track down that person and make you watch as he effortlessly cuts them down.

Kisses: How do they act around or with their darling?

Everyone refers to him as your guard dog. Wherever you go, he goes, and he's always scanning the surroundings to make sure that there aren't any threats. He's practically your shadow when you're out and about. It's the one time when he doesn't wander off and get lost since he's completely laser focused on you.

He's prone to treating you like you're made of glass, acting as if you can't do anything for yourself without being in grave danger. It doesn't matter how strong of a fighter you are. He'll interfere and take out your foes for you while chastising you for getting yourself into trouble like that. He fully believes that you need him to survive, and you'll never be able to force him to see otherwise.

[amethyst0cean]

My sister was telling me the other night that the episode "Double Cross My Heart" is hated by most and I wanted to give my thoughts of it. After watching it with her, I think it's a good episode overall 😊

Sam having a crush on Danny, while also having feelings for Gregor makes sense in this episode. Having crushes with more than one person at a time does happen and it's not unusual; Danny has a crush on three girls at once (Paulina, Valerie, and Sam) which has been shown throughout the series. Sam having one with more than one person as well seems fair to me in that regard, and Danny being uncomfortable with that shows that he also has feelings for Sam that he's unaware of in that moment. It's an early depiction of jealously.

Danny makes a horrible decision in the episode to spy on Sam during her date with Gregor. Danny thinks Gregor has something to do with the Guys in White since they keep showing up at the same time to go after Danny while Gregor is around. I also believe him feeling a little jealous and not quite understanding that it relates to him liking Sam also plays an important part of why he wanted to see what was going on during their date.

Sam and Gregor kiss (Danny's POV): Danny sees something he didn't want to see, and it hurts him. He was expecting to find a relation between Gregor and the Guys in White but instead he sees that Sam and Gregor like each other more than what he thought. I understood how he felt here because it sucks seeing someone you like kiss someone else 🥺 Although of course he shouldn't have been spying in the first place 😅

Sam and Gregor kiss (Sam's POV): I really like that we get to see Sam's POV of her relationship in this episode as well. She asks Gregor if they think they are going a little too fast, and he respects how she feels and they both decide to take it slow. Sam being honest with her feelings was great to see as well and shows that she knows how to handle herself well in these situations 🥹

Danny confronts Sam about what he saw and she is reasonably angry at him for spying on her during her date. He still mentions his suspicions about Gregor and the Guys in White and Sam tells him that he just doesn't want to see her happy with someone. Both of their feelings are valid here but Danny was still in the wrong for breaking Sam's trust and boundaries and Sam had every right to be upset with Danny for that. Tucker lets Danny know afterwards that he can hang out with Sam and Gregor for him and will let him know if he sees anything suspicious from Gregor. I really liked seeing their friendship dynamic here; that Tucker was able to help Danny feel a little better with his idea and be there for him 🥹

Tucker is obnoxious third-wheeling Sam and Gregor's date (which was pretty funny at times), and he later tells Danny that he didn't see anything strange about Gregor which confirms to Danny that he was wrong about what he thought with Gregor and the Guys in White. I really do appreciate that Danny respects Sam's space after their argument and he doesn't try spying on her again.

Gregor confronts Danny knowing that Danny doesn't like him and learns from Danny that he was worried about Sam. When asking Danny if he likes Sam, Danny hesitates for a moment, and that lets Gregor know that Danny is unsure of his feelings. It gives Gregor free reign to ask Sam out, which Danny was definitely displeased with. He should let Sam know he likes her soon 🥹

I really like how Sam responds to Gregor here. He expresses to Sam that he wants to be more than friends with her, but doesn't want Tucker around with them because he thinks he's a loser. Sam immediately stands up for Tucker and says that he's one of her best friends and he comes with the whole package if Gregor wants to be with Sam. Gregor gets frustrated and starts showing his true colours, that he has a fake accent, name, and lied about where he's from to impress Sam. He really did seem like a cool guy throughout the episode until this point which was a shame that he had to be a sleazy person 🥲 I'm glad that Gregor was not a part of the Guys in White, that he had his own plot separate from them. Sam showing that she cares about her friendship with Tucker was also nice to see during this scene 🥹

I love the ending as well when Sam and Danny make up; where they both apologize to each other. Sam wasn't in the wrong for not believing Danny about Gregor because she had no clue he's been lying to her, and Danny didn't know that either of course. He also apologizes for betraying Sam's trust and spying on her, which I appreciate. Danny can make bad decisions and still make up for it afterwards 😊 Seeing Sam's insecurity about no one who's genuine liking her is really sad to me because even though she's a hard core goth with a tough exterior to her at times, deep down she wants to be liked for who she is. Danny lets her know how amazing of a person she is and also showing how much he likes her as well (we all see it Danny 😏).

Overall I really enjoyed this episode 😊 Sam, Danny, and Tucker all had good roles during it and you see how much they all care about each other. They all felt like themselves too; they didn't feel out of character to me. I may be a little bias since I like Sam and Danny's relationship 🥹 The only thing I wish we saw more of is Danny and Sam's relationship progress more throughout the series instead of just a couple of episodes and then not do anything about it later from what happens in them (the Ember episode in S1 with Danny and Sam blushing at each other a lot as an example). From the episodes I have seen of them though, I really like how their friendship and relationship is portrayed and I can't wait to see more of it as time goes (I hope they show it more) 🥹

[mythserene]

I've been rereading The Beatles' sections of Cellarful of Noise in between re-listening to the episode while I make a ring, and I disagree with Phoebe that “[Brian] also seems to be offering a bit of a mea culpa" in his version of the story, because I don't think there's a way to read this anecdote as anything other than Brian using it as an example of how he messed up early on by showing favoritism, leading to Paul getting upset and himself overreacting and all of them missing a show... and then calming down, them working it out, and Brian picking everyone back up at their homes to play the last show. (Happy ending.)

So it's more than a bit of a mea culpa.

I mean the thesis statement is, “I have no favorites among the Beatles and this they realize now, but it wasn't always so.”

I have no favorites among the Beatles and this they realize now, but it wasn't always so. A manager dealing with a close-knit foursome has to be as fair as and as cautious as a father of four children. And one night very early in my management of the Beatles this was brought home to me with an unpleasant thump.

It neither acquits nor condemns Paul for being late because the point of the story—bookended by others about the other Beatles—is the different personalities and bumps in the road with each one. (Except George, who he says he's never argued with.)

They're all, essentially, “we can work it out” stories.

The next example is the story of John in the studio telling him, "We'll make the records. You just go on counting your percentages,” and how Brian left the studio afterwards “in a sullen rage” and never got an apology.

"We'll make the records. You just go on counting your percentages." And he meant it. I was terribly annoyed and hurt because it was in front of all the recording staff and the rest of the Beatles. We all looked at one another and felt uncomfortable and John turned away, indicating that there was no apology coming. I left the studios in a sort of sullen rage.

Ringo's anecdote seems worse than Paul's, or at least as bad. (And a train is involved again.)

It was January and the Beatles were due to tackle a country in which —compared to, say, Scandinavia or Germany, they were an unknown quantity. Therefore I was anxious to make a good initial impact. This can be achieved, and the U.S. trip proved it, at the arrival airport.

But fog descended over Liverpool and Ringo Starr could not leave for London to catch the connecting aircraft to Paris. The other Beatles and I and a score of journalists were in London when we heard the news. Naturally I was very disappointed that three Beatles instead of four would descend the steps at Le Bourget Airport in Paris. I telephoned Liverpool and asked Ringo to catch the train so that he could join up in Paris as soon as possible.

He refused, possibly because he believed that a Beatle shouldn't travel by train, and said he would catch the first available plane. I didn't want this because I didn't trust the weather and I said so.

I said, "Ringo, I have never asked you to do anything especially for me before," and he replied: "Oh yes you have. You know bloody well you are always asking me to do things— to see the press, or travel for this or that. I'm not doing it and if you don't like it you can do the other thing." ...

Why was Ringo trying to sabotage Brian?? (Could it be because of Stu?) 🤔

...I was very angry and when, eventually, he arrived in Paris there was quite an atmosphere. But sulking has no place in a group like the Beatles and with just a couple of meaningful looks and a grin, all was well. And, as with other difficulties, a frank talk helped.

But all the little stories end with them understanding each other better and a compliment for the Beatle he's telling a Bump-in-the-Road story about.

Which is, of course, how his Paul story ends:

This was the only time any one of the Beatles refused to play and it could never happen now. But it was not the only time one or more of the Beatles fell out with me. It would not be normal or reasonable to expect four artistic men to glide through life without a clash of views, and although rows are rare, they happen.

So, Brian's takeaway is that “a manager dealing with a close-knit foursome has to be as fair as and as cautious as a father of four children.”

But Lewisohn's takeaway is:

John saw a bigger picture, and it would be surprising if it wasn’t equally obvious, or made obvious, to Brian and George. He likened Paul’s enduring snag with Brian to his other long-standing difficulty: “[Brian] and Paul didn’t get along—it was a bit like [Stuart and Paul] between the two of them.”

Inevitably, this wouldn’t be the only dispute to arise between Brian and a Beatle in their years together, but it is one of the few to be known, and its timing is telling. Brian devoted more than a page to it in his autobiography, saying how “worried, angry and upset” he was.

What?

One of the few to be known except the other two on the very next pages??

John causes Brian to storm out of the studio in a “sullen rage” and with Ringo he was “very angry” and there was “an atmosphere.” But Lewisohn makes it sound like Brian singled Paul out to tell this one story, so it must be a big deal.

I thought I had a very quick point to make, but somehow the moment you start to unravel any part of this you discover it's like a bottomless plate of spaghetti. (I should probably say, “the moment I start to unravel...” but from listening to the podcast I feel pretty confident that I am not alone in this.)

But at some point you just have to cut it off.

💡 🌚

[ozmatippetarius]

I am once again asking you to put some respect on Charles's name. He's bewilderingly under-appreciated as a character despite being really complex and well-developed. I see a crazy number of people say they hate him completely without nuance, for a novel where reading deeply and questioning everything is the entire point. Anyway, here's something you might have missed if you shotgunned the book and then have lived off of fanon ever since until you forgot what was actually in the text.

Charles is almost certainly a CSA victim

A major motif of The Secret History is the extent to which childhood trauma has shaped these characters' current actions. Henry was neglected by his father, so he latches onto Julian now. Francis has a codependent relationship with his addict mother that has obviously shaped his actions with Charles. Richard grew up in an abusive family and finds himself forced into a mediator role now; he grew up in poverty and latches onto the first wealthy group that will accept him.

For some reason a lot of readers seem to think that the twins' issues instead developed totally in a vacuum? That they just spontaneously developed an incestuous relationship in adulthood, for the drama of it?

You all know that would be bad writing, would be awful. But you refuse to examine it any closer. You say "the incest is gross" and decide you're just not going to think any more about it, because it makes you uncomfortable.

So let's see if we can ferret out a better explanation. What are some of the risk behaviors we see from Charles?

Substance Abuse - shouldn't need much of an explanation, I think pretty much everybody picked up on this.

Eating Disorder - seems to have been missed by a lot more people, but a major part of why Charles ended up in the hospital is that he simply stopped eating. When Richard and Francis take him to lunch after getting out, he refuses to eat even when they are begging him. Afterwards, we're told he's subsisting entirely off of peanuts for the rest of the novel.

Sexual Risk Behavior - his relationship with Camilla, clearly.

Trust Issues - his relationship with Richard is dripping with this. He spends the entire second half of the novel begging Richard not to betray him ("You're my friend, aren't you?" "You wouldn't go behind my back, would you?") and at the final showdown, Richard is the person he is most angry with, for breaking that trust.

Revictimization - y'all aren't going to like this, but his relationship with Francis is absolutely this.

What do all these bullets have in common? They're all common long term effects of childhood sexual assault.

Hey, remember that sequence shortly before Bunny is killed where he's antagonizing every member of the group individually by taunting them about their secrets he could expose? For Henry, obviously he's threatening to expose the farmer's death. For Richard, his lies about his wealthy background. For Camilla, her incestuous relationship. For Francis, his homosexuality. So what about Charles- what's he threatening to expose here? He wouldn't randomly leave out one of the group, right? Well, let's roll the clip.

If he treated Henry with deference, it was the rest of us who were forced to bear the wearing, day-to-day brunt of his anger. Most of the time he was simply irritating: for example, in his ill-informed and frequent tirades against the Catholic Church. Bunny’s family was Episcopalian, and my parents, as far as I knew, had no religious affiliation at all; but Henry and Francis and the twins had been reared as Catholics; and though none of them went to church much, Bunny’s ignorant, tireless stream of blasphemies enraged them. With leers and winks he told stories about lapsed nuns, sluttish Catholic girls, pederastic priests (“So then, this Father What’s-His-Name, he said to the altar boy—this kid is nine years old, mind you, he’s in my Cub Scout troop—he says to Tim Mulrooney, ‘Son, would you like to see where me and all the other fathers sleep at night?’ ”). He invented outrageous stories of the perversions of various Popes; informed them of little-known points of Catholic doctrine; raved about Vatican conspiracies, ignoring Henry’s bald refutations and Francis’s muttered asides about social-climbing Protestants. What was worse was when he chose to zero in on one person in particular. With some preternatural craftiness he always knew the right nerve to touch, at exactly the right moment, to wound and outrage most. Charles was good-natured, and slow to anger, but he was sometimes so disturbed by these anti-Catholic diatribes that his very teacup would clatter upon its saucer.

His Catholicism? Charles, the group member most morally affronted by the idea of killing and also the most affectionate towards Bunny, comes around to the idea of murder because Bunny is making fun of his Catholicism, something that hasn't been mentioned before and never will be again? Something that has been consistently shown to bother Francis and Henry more?

Connect the dots, here - Charles isn't triggered to the point of physically shaking because Bunny is making fun of Catholics, something we know that he's been doing for years. He's triggered because Bunny is taunting him with stories about adult men molesting young boys, in front of everybody.

Anyway, this isn't a defense of Charles's treatment of Camilla. Obviously "hurt people hurt people" isn't meant as an excuse or a hand-wave. But it is an explanation. Charles is, like every other character in this novel, a flawed person who does some terrible things with complex motivations, and he deserves the same amount of respect you give the other flawed characters who do terrible things with complex motivations.

[villainessprefect]

~Tell It to My Heart~

title: Heedless Hearts

Dialogue #5: “I love you, you idiot!”

Ace x gn!reader

Read on AO3

You're a smart person, really, you are. Ace has seen you solve problems, school related or not, with ease. You're practically a nerd compared to the Heartslabyul duo. Whatever comes your way, you will always find an answer. No matter the cost.

This leads him to wonder if that's what causes you to be reckless all the time. The drive to find a solution, to help someone else who needs it, even at the cost of your own soul. Maybe you weren't all that smart as he thought.

Ace sighs as he looks at your arm. An icicle made a clean cut on your sleeve, slicing it open and brushing against your flesh. Red dared to leak out, but not at an alarming rate.

"Ah," you hiss as your eyes fall on the fresh wound. "I guess I didn't notice this earlier." You wince as you move your arm and opt to let it hang at your side for the time being. "Oh well, it's not the worst that's happened to me."

It's how you say it so nonchalantly that it...bothers him. And he doesn't like the feeling.

"You didn't have to take the hit, ya know? Honestly, it's like you have a death wish or something." Ace shakes his head and grips your arm. He's surprisingly careful, gentle even, as he lifts it up to get a better look. Yeah, it definitely isn't as bad as taking an eel's tail to the gut, but that didn't mean this didn't hurt. "You knew that was meant for me- why did you take it?"

"You were preoccupied." Ace is quick on his feet, and he's got good reflexes, but he isn't invincible. You weren't a target in most magical fights and after watching so many, you think you could pick up on a few tactics these boys resort to. "It would have knocked the wind out of you. Or worse. I got lucky with just a scratch."

You chuckle as if unaware of how your casual tone affects him. Brushing off some light wound that could have been worse right in front of him stings. Maybe you were right about the damage that could have been done, but that doesn't give you the right to sacrifice yourself.

"And if it would have gotten to you instead?" A tinge of anger slips out and he clicks his tongue. He's never been one to hide how he feels, but he dislikes getting angry with you. It makes him feel like shit afterward. Unfortunately, that doesn't stop him from voicing his thoughts. "You said it yourself, you got lucky. What if it was worse?"

You don't respond and your gaze drifts elsewhere. His tone is harsh, almost scolding. But he makes a valid point, as always.

"I'm sorry," you breathe out. "I just wanted to..."

"Help?" He finishes. "I know you want to, but instead of helping others maybe you should, I dunno, help yourself for once? Instead of getting involved and trying to have some savior complex, be selfish for once. Doing all this isn't going to help you in the long run. Besides, do you know how badly it sucks to see you in the infirmary?"

Ace lets out a breath after letting that out. He hates how you seem to curl into yourself, making it look like he is the bad guy here. Is he wrong to point this out? To worry over you? He frees your hand to run a hand through his hair. Guilt is already eating at him as he sees that downcast expression.

He knows you mean well. You're doing your best in a world that isn't your own. But things aren't the same here as in your world. Even he knows that.

"Look," he starts, internally praying that he can save himself. "I get really worried about you, okay? You're like..." Ace shifts, a little uncomfortable. A friend? Yeah. But you're also more than that. "Special."

"Special?" You look up, eyes filled with confusion upon hearing something sweeter after that brutal truth.

"Yes, you're special. In a good way. Even if you do make the cool look uncool. And if you don't believe it, then I'll prove it to you. Cuz I love you, you idiot."

A pause.

Your cheeks turn red.

His mirror yours.

"See? You made me do a totally uncool and unplanned confession."

"...You mean it?"

Ace is almost in disbelief until he remembers his track record. Okay, so maybe a couple of fibs here and there would come back to bite him in the ass, but...seriously?! Maybe he shouldn't have done this, but he needed to make a point and get it through that thick skull of yours somehow.

"Yeah, I mean it. Don't make me repeat it..." Ace clicks his tongue. Now he's feeling shy? Lame. It's nothing he can't shake off though. "So, what? Are you going to believe me now? Maybe take care of yourself a little more cuz you have someone like me in your life. Or are you going to break my heart?" Cue the overly dramatic sad pouting.

"Hey!" You huff. If your arm wasn't injured, you would have playfully hit his. "I...I'll take care of your heart with all of mine."

Ace's act disappears in an instant. "Oh? Are you sure? That's very bold of you to say so~!" He hums. "You can gush about how much you'll take care of me while we bandage up your silly little mistake. And I'm not taking no for an answer!"

[aita-polls]

Am I the asshole for blowing up on my sister, and now wanting to cut off her and her fiancee?

TW: abuse, suicide mention, physical illnesses, mental health issues

Context: Sister and I have come from a difficult situation, basically I left my extremely abusive parents back to our home country to study on uni, and she followed me 6 months later, and came to live with me on a shared housing with others. Since the beginning, I've always felt uncomfortable with how controlling and stressful she is as a person, and how she took over our finances and dictated a lot of how to run our things, but yet, I am no saint either, and get very angry and defensive over things that others deem normal, and behaviors that don't bother others. Also, she accuses me a lot of blowing up over nothing, assuming the worst out of her, and being extremely rude and awful to her even when I don't mean to, and also, she says I make her life miserable because I am never happy (I complain a lot, but also, I've got a lot of complain). Mainly these recent years have been extremely difficult to me, in between several illnesses (got COVID several times, had several UTIs and other infections, even had gallbladder surgery and all) and their aftermaths and complications, and also me studying a course in an university that is knowingly elitist and with little to no student resources, including mental health related (to the point that student suicides are a recurring yearly event in my department and in others) and I've been pressured to drop out and give up in my dreams by implication or explicitly by professors and staff in my department. So like, I get it, I am miserable, and I have been seeking mental health support outside of uni on my own, to attempt to deal with it. But even then, things have been extremely difficult, and she isn't helping me either with the way she lashes out at me for complaining or being upset more than 10% of my time, and also she's not one to talk when she too is very irascible, including that I've got literal scars on my body from her digging into my skin with her nails when we fought in the first years, although she claims that she did that out of self-defense because I was "threatening her" when I literally was just yelling, but whatever.

Anyways, we have lived together for years in this rather rocky relationship, where we fought a lot but also stuck for each other a lot, mainly when other roommates tried to bother us. At least, once she also entered uni and started a LDR, she seemed to get better, and was legit happier, and I was happy for her. But she never let go of the monetary control and her bossing around, and, mainly when she got a job to complement the money that I got from my freelance work and scholarships that sustained us throughout the years, she ramped up the controlling of the finances a lot and started accusing me of basically leeching off her, blowing up over me even buying a candy bar or something for myself, even if I thought I had the money for it, but since I didn't know what was the actual amount I brought in and how much was my or her expenses (we shared everything financially, including the accountability), I assumed she was right since she knew more about it. This kept on escalating for more than two years, including that she had gotten a room for herself in the new place we lived in (before she got a job) and found it justified but kept on telling me I was "too poor" and didn't deserve a room of my own as well (we originally shared a room with another roommate, so afterwards it was me with different people sharing this same room). She chastised me a lot over the years for not getting a "proper job" to sustain us, and I argued that I couldn't because of the degree I'm in, and my mental health issues and she in response got to a point that she told me in one of our last fights before the big one that I should have given up on my degree long time ago if I can't afford it, which hurt me severely because of the aforementioned pressure from uni to do the same, and the fact that the only reason I'm still studying despite all the difficult is because it's my passion, and also, I'm literally so close to finishing it, despite taking much longer to do due to my situation and my mental health conditions (I literally got diagnosed with ADHD last December, and the verdict is still out whether I'm autistic as well or not).

This year, things began escalating to such a degree, given that the year already started badly for me, as I, after getting chastised yet again by her for supposedly not earning enough to sustain myself, tried to get a job anywhere during summer vacation, applied to over 900 spots, spent a month going to interviews all day all the time, only to get nowhere and get hundreds of rejections and "best luck next time"s. We had several fights over the finances, because to me it didn't add up that I was supposedly not sustaining myself at all, given that I never stopped doing my freelance job, nor getting my scholarship from uni, and I kept on pouring all of my money into the credit card that we both shared, and into the bills. In those fights, she even threatened me with homelessness, which she says she did it in response to me being "unreasonably angry" with her and supposedly physically threatening her, which once again, I did not, as the fights were literally while we were sitting across from each other on the living room table and I was angry with her because she kept on implying that none of my freelance work mattered because I don't get paid in a regular pattern like the job she had. Also, I was severely depressed at that point, and that was when I heard that about giving up on my degree, which to me was some sort of flashing point. I decided I wanted to get out of the shared housing, and was trying to figure out how to do that, and, after much, much fighting with her, we finally split up our finances, and I started managing my own, but that didn't mean she stopped trying to dictate how to spend the money I got. Anyways, her now fiancee assisted us to get out of our debt, as he sent money to quit over the credit card and all that I kept on paying off, and then later on the year he pushed onto me a financial stipend to help me get out of the place and all.

But that didn't last long because finally, when I first moved out of the shared house to an individual unit in the same terrain, I initiated a massive fight with my sister because she kept on guilt-tripping me over not wanting her to keep stuff I bought with my own money with her, and she threatened me once again with homelessness since she argued that the only reason I could sustain myself was because of her fiancee, something she said afterwards to her fiancee that no, that was not what she meant, and I'm distorting her words, but that was literally what she told me. Also, she once again basically said I had been leeching off her, and I did a whole 3 day investigation into my finances on my own, using my freelance job accountability and all to finally prove that no, I had brought in as much money as she did over the years, and that I had never leeched off from her, she went on to switch her argument about how she meant that she was earning more than me at that point (which is true) so anyways I was living off from her (which is provingly false), and how me getting sick and needing meds and all was eating up our finances (which is false, I get most meds for free from the public healthcare system) and how I didn't have enough to even live on my own (which is literally false as I'm literally now living on another place on my own without any issues) and never thanked her for all the money she brought in (which she never did for me nor I never wanted it either, I thought it was just basic comradery to help her financially). Also, she got mad at me for going to discuss with her fiancee when she blocked me, and made me apologize and all, but after I attempted to apologize and she said we'd only talk again with boundaries, I told her my boundaries and she blocked me again and sent her fiancee after me to chastise me for being "so passive-aggressive" and "distorting the truth" and all, and that argument literally devolved into him calling me names and using private situations I had with other people to justify demoralizing me and insulting me and demanding his money back, which I gladly sent back anyways (I never wanted it at first, my sister insisted I took it). I ended up blocking him but he kept on harassing me on email, and when I told him to stop contacting me as that was harassment, he kept on saying that it was my fault for responding to him.

Anyways, the situation ended poorly and unresolved, I had a miserable month of more deep depression, and then finally moved out of that terrain and into a new place on my own. Now, over a month afterwards, she keeps on pinging me emails that obviously read like attempts to talk again, and I feel awfully bad, because I feel like I was unreasonable for the way I reacted, given how much backlash I got from her, and mainly her fiancee, but another part of me wants to tell her to fuck off and go no-contact with her altogether. AITA in this situation?

[fortune-maiden]

TGCF Revised Ver: QuanYin Flashback

Oh interesting, looks like the QuanYin backstory in the revised ver plays out similarly to Ling Wen's where Hualian actually enter the flashback rather than just observe

(other differences under the cut. i've never seen these documented (though granted I never looked that hard) so may as well xD)

The events leading up to the flashback are a bit different. Originally the party gets separated in the mountains, the red string scene happens, and then Hualian observe the very uncomfortable QuanYin reunion before HC starts the flashback

Revised ver: party gets separated, red string scene, ....then suddenly we're in the Mental Scape ^^"

XL's is given the role of the Sect Martial Uncle. Hua Cheng is the sect leader. Since they're now active participants in the flashback, there's an added scene of YY trying to convince 'Uncle' to talk to the Sect Master about taking QYZ in.

Additional scene of the Butterfly Dream being necessary to keep YY from getting swallowed by the Mountain.

(hey mxtx, there was opportunity to do this for pm here too!!!)

Name change: Jian Yu's name was changed to Jian Shi (鉴玉 -> 鉴石) (this was confirmed by the person behind the smooth reader mtl)

Some of the Hualian dialogue from the beginning of the flashback was moved to after the QuanYin window scene

For the ascension part, Xie Lian is assigned the role of a Flower God (which is a cute reference to early drafts haha) HC doesn't have as assigned role (because YY knows he hates the upper court and won't give him one lol)

Ling Wen is not present for Yin Yu's ascension party so all of her lines are given to SQX. We also see a little more of the aftermath of QYZ starting a fight during the party

Cute Hualian moment where they go sightseeing in the Heavenly Capital afterwards and XL says he prefers Ghost City to the Capital awww

Original: After Jian Yu gives QYZ the brocade he goes on a rant about him. YY finds out about the present swap three days later Revision: YY cuts Jian Shi off not letting him rant this time. He finds out about the present swap immediately (the dialogue in the mtl is kind of weird here though)

(I am so confused about the timeline here. in both versions it feels like the mid-autumn banquet and qyz's bday are the same day, but after yy finds out about the swap, he immediately rushes off to get the brocade back and at this point the martial gods are having a meeting....did they start this meeting immediately after a banquet? ^^")

Mu Qing may have broken YY's arm in the original during The Incident. Doesn't seem to be the case in the revision (though he still subdues him)

one of LQQ's lines is given to FX instead. some background chatter is also cut.

both here and earlier the bit about Ling Wen calling Yin Yu's actions 'a prank' when she explained it to XL was cut

Not sure if this is a translation difference or an actual change but Jian Shi is more upset than angry with Yin Yu for giving the 'go die' order, insisting that he'd done nothing wrong but this one mistake

Flashback ends and I guess the biggest change in this whole thing... it doesn't seem like Quan Yizhen shows up in the Mt Tonglu arc at all? o_o

(Also no explanation of how PM avoided getting swallowed by the mountain since YY was swallowed trying to save him... I guess when LW escaped, the brocade took its chance to beat him up and that was that?) (In the original he got out by using the poisoned femur bone he picked up as a shovel lol)

[edsearring]

just finished rewatching go2, and while of course there is a lot to be said for heavenly brainwashing and a general lack of proper communication, and while that is of course a huge part of it, i've barely seen anyone talking about just how little aziraphale actually wanted to go to heaven. almost all the way through the whole last bit.

when aziraphale is first approached by the metatron, he says that he's made his position perfectly clear. he knows where he stands, and so does everyone else. he stands with crowley, they're on their own side. but he decides to hear the metatron out, because what could he possibly say that would change his mind?

(i also think it's worth mentioning that the metatron opened with coffee. i don't personally believe in the coffee theory, but he may have started with that to show aziraphale that he's on 'his side.' he's not like the other angels, he's consumed things. he's gone against what angels expect.)

and at first, when the metatron gives his offer, aziraphale turns it down completely. he said it clearly, he doesn't want to go back to heaven. even as the metatron continues to detail all of these reasons why aziraphale should lead, aziraphale still looks pretty uncomfortable.

but the metatron can clearly see this isn't working, so he uses what he knows will always get aziraphale. crowley. he offers to restore him.

so aziraphale starts thinking. what if he accepts the offer? as so many other people have pointed out, there is no way aziraphale could have even come close to completely breaking out of the way he'd been taught to think for millions of years. so he thinks, well, heaven are the good ones. it would certainly be better if they were on the right side of things, wouldn't it? and crowley is a good person, he's seen it.

not to mention that crowley seemed so much happier when he was an angel. and to aziraphale, of course, it's because heaven are the good ones. crowley was so angry because he got lumped in with the bad ones. he just doesn't understand that maybe crowley was so angry because of the whole idea of a 'great plan', of the 'good ones' and 'bad ones' in the first place.

and finally, his decision was about safety. of course aziraphale wants to be with crowley. but they've been hiding from heaven and hell this whole time. if the metatron was being completely honest (which he obviously wasn't, that was a suspicious offer, but in aziraphale's situation he couldn't tell), they wouldn't have to hide, they could be together.

and so of course he rushes home to tell crowley, and of course crowley refuses, and has his big confession.

which, to be perfectly honest, i don't think was a horrible coincidence, or incredibly tragic timing. setting aside the fact that it just happened after the whole 'gabriel and beelzebub' incident, the metatron planned that.

he knew that crowley would refuse, because he never would accept an offer like that. and maybe he gathered that crowley would confess from the gabriel/beelzebub scene, maybe he overheard nina and maggie talking, it could have been anything.

the point is, it was the metatron's plan all along to have crowley refuse, confess, and storm out, leaving aziraphale heartbroken. that way he could come into the bookshop, hear it from aziraphale that crowley left.

because when crowley confessed, he did something that neither of them were used to. he said (at least a lot of) what he was actually feeling. and aziraphale has had millions of years of practice of denying exactly that, the instinct kicks in. he says "i forgive you". they both leave, heartbroken.

and at this point, when crowley is gone, and the metatron comes back in, what else is aziraphale going to do? he denies it. he does the very thing he refused in the first place, he goes to heaven, leaving everything behind, without crowley.

and only a few seconds afterwards, we can see that aziraphale regrets it. he starts trying to come up with excuses. he can't leave the bookshop—no, don't worry, muriel has that taken care of. do you need to take anything with you?—there isn't anything he can think of to get him out of this. he's run out of excuses.

and so it's too late. aziraphale is about to get into the elevator to heaven. but before he does that, he asks what the great plan that he'll be helping with is.

and the metatron says the second coming.

aziraphale knows he's been tricked, after this. if the second coming truly is the great plan, straight from the metatron, he can't 'fix heaven.' he can't improve anything if god's will is the second coming.

but what can he do? he gets in the elevator.

through the credits, we can see his shock, anger, and heartbreak so incredibly clearly. of course, until the smirk at the end.

that was the very moment when aziraphale made a plan to tear it all apart.

[juney-blues]

Every time i think about the still ongoing pandemic i get incredibly angry.

we could've put a stop to this in 2020 if we just let the wheels of capitalism grind to a halt for a month or two, but no, god fucking forbid we stop endlessly toiling away for someone else's profit for even a second.

Capitalism and The Basics Of Germ Theory came into conflict with eachother and capitalism fucking won, and now we're going backwards on our common understanding as a society of microbes, people are refusing to wear masks even for things that aren't deadly diseases because it got turned into a fucking culture war issue for some reason.

We all knew what to do, we all knew exactly how to stop the spread of a virulent disease thanks to a thousand years of science and research and understanding history, and we just didn't fucking do it because some rich assholes wouldn't've made quite as much money as they would've if we just died.

Thousands died, thousands are still dying, and thousands more have been disabled, and thousands more will be disabled, and this was preventable, this was so fucking preventable and i will never not be angry about it.

Staying home and not getting a haircut and not going out drinking with your friends for a few weeks was too Traumatic, and compensating people for the time they'd have to take off work would've cost the government Too Much Money, and wearing a fucking piece of cloth over your face was too Uncomfortable, and vaccines are giving your kids autism and turning the frogs gay,

and now there's a million fucking variants and even if you get vaccinated for one it still won't help with any of the others, and you people are still going out to coffee shops and bars and stadiums and concerts and swapping this disease around like it's a fucking trading card, and people are dying at a higher rate than ever and it's not even news anymore, and just

fine.

you assholes all win, all of you!

the bare minimum i can do to keep myself and others safe isn't even that effective anymore, because no one else is fucking doing it, i might as well start licking toilet seats and not even wash my hands afterwards for all society at large cares,

so everything is worse now for everyone, and we're never fixing this because you people just don't *want* to fix it, and at this point it's so entrenched that fixing it would take far more effort than preventing it ever would and even *that* was too much for you people

so you win.

the virus is here to stay, and people are going to keep getting sick, and it's going to keep tearing their bodies apart, and there's just nothing any of us can do about it because it's just the new normal.

and just ignoring it is easier than wearing a mask out in public, and getting your booster shots every couple of months, and avoiding crowds of people, and keeping your distance, and installing the proper ventilation equipment, and providing your employees with the proper ppe, and learning to live with an airborne pathogen in a way that isn't obviously stupid and dangerous,

everything is worse and we're not fixing it,

is this what you wanted? are you happy about this?

[saline-coelacanth]

Since I have the Bad Endings Au on the brain, I wanna ramble a bit about Jay and Cole because every time I think about them I start to go feral (in a good way)

I'll put some of it under a cut since this gets pretty long

Jay and Cole parallel each other soo well that it's kind of crazy since it wasn't entirely intentional, it just sort of happened that way. So looking at their backstories, they're pretty similar. Both of them felt mistreated by the other ninja to the point where they wanted to take revenge on them. Both of them defeated the ninja when given the chance, but in the end they both handled it in completely different ways.

Cole very quickly was overcome with guilt. Morro called him out on what he did and it immediately hit him like a brick. He didn't feel good about what he did and it began to spiral into some self hatred and he eventually became very apathetic. He had killed his friends without thinking things through and now they were gone forever. Although to give him the benefit of the doubt, he was manipulated into doing so as he was in a very vulnerable mental state at the time and Yang took advantage of that to try and 'help' Cole be remembered. But that doesn't change the fact that Cole still did it and it haunts him every day of his life. He also ends up isolating himself afterwards, not wanting to face any of the family he has left even though he desperately doesn't want to be alone. That's the main reason he joins the other BE!Ninja in the first place, because for the first time in a long time, he isn't alone. And even though he doesn't want to go through with the others' plan, he stays with them since he has nowhere else to go because he thinks there's no way the normal ninja would accept him after what he's done.

And then we look at Jay who trapped the remaining ninja in his sword after he overthrew Nadakhan and became the new captain of Misfortune's Keep. Jay felt no remorse from trapping his friends. In fact, once he had finished the job, he smiled. He was happy about it. Jay truly believed the others didn't care about him, that they left him on Misfortune's Keep to rot for months. And by the time they had finally shown up to save him, he had gone through so much that no amount of explaining was gonna get him to change his mind. He had already saved himself, he didn't need the others to swoop him and save him after they treated him so terrible and abandoned him for months. And after everything was done, Jay didn't have anyone to tell him he had fucked up. Nobody on his crew would ever suggest anything like that, obviously none of the ninja were left to call him out, there was nobody to make him open his eyes to what he had become. And after living life as a pirate captain surrounded by people who would listen to him without question, people who were scared of him, he grew to love it. The ninja never took him seriously, but his crew HAD to take him seriously because they were terrified of the consequences. And when he met the BE!Ninja, he was mainly just uncomfortable seeing the other ninja again because he had grown so angry at them, but he was willing to help out with the plan to take out the other ninja because he was just that far gone.

And when the two of them meet each other for the first time, Cole is just completely shocked to see Jay at all since the Jay from his timeline is dead. And though he acts pretty cold towards him since that's just how Cole is now, he also doesn't want to leave his side because he misses Jay so much. And even though this isn't his Jay, it's still Jay. Meanwhile, Jay is angry and annoyed at having to deal with Cole. He wants nothing to do with him and turns down any offer Cole makes to help him since he doesn't need help from anyone, especially Cole. He eventually 'comes around', but that's really only because they team up with the other BE!Ninja. And yeah, over time Jay does genuinely grow closer to Cole and both of them open up about their pasts and what happened to them, but Jay always has more walls up than Cole does. He's more vague, he snaps more easily, he quickly shuts Cole down when he starts asking too many questions. Cole on the other hand lays everything down for Jay, (although he is still hesitant to open up) He lets his guard down and lets Jay realize just how lonely he's been in his timeline.

And the two of them realize just how similar they are, but they both end up going different paths. Cole realizes more and more that what he's doing is wrong, that he's just gonna end up making another terrible mistake if he continues down this path. He realizes just how messed but the other BE!Ninja are, he realizes that they must be hurting deep down, just like he is. But Jay just continues to spiral further and further. Once again he's with a group that doesn't take him seriously. The only one who seems to do that is Cole, but even then Cole still doesn't always treat him like the threat he is. Even worse is that Nya, the one he felt the most anger towards, isn't even helping. BE!Nya wants nothing to do with the others and actively treats Jay like he doesn't matter (though she treats everyone like that, her only real loyalty is to the Overlord). So Jay just gets more snappy, more violent, more determined to defeat their good counterparts because that'll prove to the others that he is a threat and that he should be taken seriously. Cole grows and slowly betters himself while Jay only gets worse.

God I just have so many thoughts about these two. I mean, I have a lot of thoughts about all the BE!Ninja, but Jay and Cole especially love to live in my head rent free. And there's one last little detail that I wanna point out with these two because I just think it's neat.

When Cole took out the other ninja in his timeline, the first one he went after was Jay. When Jay trapped the other ninja on his sword, the last one he trapped was Cole.

Idk I just think that's a neat detail. Anyway, I'm done rambling for now. Maybe I'll ramble about some of the other BE!Ninja in the future. I guess if there's anyone specific you want me to talk about let me know, but otherwise I'm just gonna end this post here.

[highlordofkrypton]

Saw a comment you left mentioning how you didn’t know about the existence of Illyrians (the real people) and one of these days I hope someone makes a database of all cultures/myths etc that sjm stole from but i thought i’d let you know in case you didn’t already that the Nagas are also a real people! Hybern is kind of an old name for Ireland, which is something i was very shocked to learn

Anyway i’m glad more people are being/becoming SJM critical. Her world building and bad writing mistreatment of serious subjects etc triggers my fight or flight response like nothing else haha

Very excited to see more of your work though you’re very talented (are you the legend behind acotarmemes by the way)

I hope so as well; I noticed a lot of lifts without altering them to fit the story while I was researching the lore for my ACOTAR prequel fic and I just started outlining Rhysand's parents' fic (which leads to research afterwards in my process) -- so I'm really glad I stumbled on that post!

I also love lists, would love to just... look at a nice list.

I want to challenge myself by using SJM's framework and fill in the gaps in a way that makes sense. If there are elements I don't like, can I build on them or can I reframe them? One example is the mating bond which makes me uncomfortable in some of the depictions, so I've shifted the perspective on it. Well, I hope I managed to.

Right now, I've jotted a few notes about the Illyrians using my own heritage to try grow an actual culture and history leading all the way up to why they're currently misogynistic, barbaric, etc. I come from a mix of cultures that are highly focused on community and family, and that runs deep in our ancestry, but colonisation has created a fracture in many people's cultural identities, as well as displacement.

It's a tough balancing trick because I'm reluctant to weave something so personal (and precious) into something that SJM's has been really careless about + the ACOTAR fandom can be such a cruel and callous place.

There's also the vulnerability of doing all that work and then it fades into the nether unseen and AHHHHHH-- SORRY I RAMBLED

All that to say, I'm really glad to find out that the Illyrians are a real people so I can use history as a jumping point, then decide how I want to weave my version of them.

I'm 1000% with you -- one of the reasons I started writing ACOTAR fanfic is because the treatment of serious subjects made me angry, especially that of trauma. I have no interest in arguing with people, I can do it but I'd rather spend energy creating something that speaks on my behalf through storytelling. I believe storytelling, if well done, can open minds to new perspectives through the heart 😊

Anyway, I wish SJM learned the art of nodding towards her inspirations instead of just copy & pasting. It's fine for fanfic, but published works is not the place for it in my opinion.

AND YES IT'S ME!! THE MEME, THE MYTH, THE LEGEND BEHIND ACOTARMEMES!!!

hiiii

[the-s1lly-corner]

I keep seeing “small but fiesty” “big but kind” NO. GIVE ME BIG AND MEAN‼️‼️‼️/j anyways could you do TADC x a reader who’s much larger then everyone else and pretty mean with it? Like Jax mean but just a squeeze nicer cuz they’re not a TOTAL jerk

TADC cast x big and mean reader!!! (not platonic nor romantic youre just mean!!!!!!!!!)

RAAAAAAAAAAH i meant to get to requests earlier buuuuuut i fell asleep and i needed to go make lunch for myself hisshiss (not complaining though, i made onion rings !! yipee!) probably gonna answer this an one or two more requests, though; admins been struck with some art motivation spoiler uhuh i made the reader MEAN, like sure jax is mean but hes like prankster-mean, reader is just mean

CAINE:

he probably tries to get you to chill out and include you in IHA so you know. dont become under stimulated and slowly lose your mind. because that would be bad. honestly i think it would take a lot for caine to be pushed away; he has a high tolerance for tomfoolery and nonsense i think, and as the ringmaster he feels a responsibility to keep everyone happy. and yes that includes you. honestly not really phased by your insults and such in fact i think he might be oblivious... or maybe he just ignores them and moves on. youre gonna have to do something REAL bad to get on caines bad side, i think

POMNI:

doesnt like to be around you, and likely avoids you when she can. i mean can you blame her? youre kind of a dickweed, and that can be unpleasant to be around. like with jax at least theres some humor with it so theres some kind of exchange. but youre just. kind of a mean person. plus youre big, and thats really intimidating when its paired with your personality. add in that shes already working through enough with being new to the circus as well as trying to find an exit... shes just got a lot on her mind and she needs to preserve herself, you know?

RAGATHA:

tries her best to be nice and polite with you, and honestly you can probably see her try to force herself to remain civil and kind. like if you look at her face or listen closely to her voice you can tell that you likely make her just a smidgen uncomfortable. she wont be rude to you, nor will she exclude you.... but i do think that at some point shes going to snap and lose her patience with you.... huh... an angry ragatha losing her cool... odd thought but like everyone else, this lady would also have her limits. does try to apologize afterwards, but is firm that you need to try to clean your act

JAX:

i think he would either target you because he finds it funny when you get all riled up and he gets a thrill from it; or he might try to pair up with you.... obviously, you mention in your ask that the reader is a smidge kinder than jax, but i think the real difference is the types of mean they are. call it a failed friendship or a rivalry, jax doesnt really vibe with you regardless... at least thats my personal take. though i do think he wouldnt try to pick many fights with you depending on how large you are in comparison to him; i mean jax strikes me at the type to bolt the second theres an implication of a fight coming, at least fights that include him

KINGER:

do not the old man :( will actually get sad, but i do think like ragatha he will still try to be kind and polite to you. might even try to find out what your problem is, and try to help you through it. maybe its the dad energy thats making me think like that but. you know? that said, when you so much as furrow your brow you can guarantee that kinger is going to slink away out of sight since he doesnt want to get caught up in whatever is about to happen, correctly assuming someone had made you upset. either that, or i can see your words going right over his head and not phasing him because hes too ooooooo to really try to connect any meaning and correlation.. both work, i think. really it depends on how hes doing on a given day, i think

ZOOBLE:

sometimes you guys shit talk some of the other circus member if they were being particularly annoying that day but thats kind of it. like zooble can be a bit mean but they arent... harsh without any real prompting. whereas, for the sake of filling space and introducing new ideas, you do. i dont think zooble would really vibe well with that... whats this? zooble calling out someone for being an asshole? not as unlikely as youd think, actually.. do i think they would try to stop you? i mean theyd probably tell you to knock it off, but outside of that they would just disconnect themselves from the conversation and walk off. on good days you guys can be somewhat friendly to one another, but on others zooble just cant be bothered with your bullshit. i mean they barely seem to tolerate jax, so i think this was able to be foreseen...

GANGLE:

oh you could be having a good day and say something slightly less mean than usual and you would still make gangle feel bad. you dont even have to try, gangle is just really sensitive. actually, tying this back to ragatha i think if she were to snap it would be on someones behalf... someone like, gangle perhaps? brain stew is brewing, admin is now hcing that ragatha and gangle have a sibling like bond

anyways moving on, i think she would try to avoid you when she can just because youre so... not nice, and even when youre being neutral you can be a little much; you know? factoring in the fact youre a giant compared to her frail body... not that she thinks you would strike her, no im not at all comfy writing physical stuff in my writing, but its like a voice in the back of her head; you know? you dont even have to be violent, just verbally aggressive, you know? though, considering jax seems to push her often (as seen in the pilot and her intro short) i think thats something in the back of her mind when interacting with a lot of people

sits

yk?

[conellu]

Spicy Kokichi Headcanons

Was gonna combine this with some Nagito HCs, but I'm getting through dr2 so fucking slowly lmfao

Kokichi O(u)ma/GN!Reader

Also posted on my AO3

((Nagito's can be found here!!))

Warnings: dom/sub, creampie, biting, knife play, blood play, piss, spit

He’s a dom leaning switch, he’s not readily willing to give up his dom status but he will mess around with the idea and eventually come to terms with the idea that he is 100% a brat as well.  Gotta let him stew on that himself though, but when he comes to the realization I promise you, you will know.

Peg him, use a dildo, use a massager on his cock, prostate massagers, man loves it all as long as you’ve successfully worked hard enough at putting him in his place.  Pull his hair and he’s in heaven.

Mans is DEFINITELY into creampies, he will want you to not clean up if you had sex before going out, he wants it to leak out of you on the way there or around others.  He’s definitely going to make a joke here or there, please ignore him or he will keep going until he wish you were dead.

If it can’t be a creampie, second favorite is your mouth.  Seeing you swallow it all makes his heart swell with love.  Third is your face, expect cackles afterwards (he may or may not help you clean off your face, he will toss whatever shirt is closest to the bed at you every time though).  Fourth is just anywhere else on your body.

He also is definitely into leaving marks, he doesn’t care how, he wants to fluster not just you but everyone else who will see them.  The more in a session, the better.

It’s hard to make him actually angry and receive a REAL punishment, but he will leave you high and dry if you’ve pushed any button he has.  No matter how much you beg, cry, or whine, he’s not letting you cum.  If you’ve REALLY done something wrong, he’ll pleasure himself while you writhe either beside him or under him (depending on your size).

That being said, he’s probably the softest after these moments (which isn’t saying much, he’s pretty non-existent for aftercare), but he’ll be over dramatic, sighing and wrapping his body around you like a jetpack for a couple minutes.  He won’t admit it, but he does it because he wants to let you know he isn’t ACTUALLY angry with you.

Speaking of after care, don’t expect anything massive.  If you want to shower or bathe afterwards, get yourself there and drag him in with you.  If you want cuddles… Super good luck on that.  If it’s a special day (anniversary, birthday, any holiday that he finds to be important), then he’ll be more likely to cuddle you.  If you’ve had a hard day, then he’s also more likely to cuddle you (after you beg him)

He can and will talk the entire time, good luck shutting him up (just manage to get a prostate massager or something in his ass beforehand if you want him to be a drooling, whimpering, but not talking mess.)

He likes to film his cock going in and out of you, adding his own commentary over the videos.  Does he watch them afterward?  Does he keep them for any reason?  Who knows.

Humiliation, humiliation, humiliation.  Degradation, degradation, degradation.

Public sex is typical, if it’s not a place where sex can be had publically (cause c’mon, he does have some standards) then he will find other ways to work you up.  Thigh grabs, brushes against your chest, using any and all innuendo possible to the point it makes others uncomfortable, dragging you somewhere just to make out with you to make you hot and bothered and then dragging you back to others.

He actually prefers to not do that kind of stuff around his D.I.C.E members, they’re very special to him.  BUT he will gladly cum in your underwear and make you wear them when they come over.

Basically, fucker has very little boundaries.  

Ride his thigh.  That’s it, that’s the headcanon.

You can ride his shoes too, by the way.

He will shame you for doing it, but he loves it.

GROSS BOI THINGS (He doesn't ask for consent before doing most things, but he does for all of these)

Piss.  Fucker will piss on you if you give him the go ahead.  He likes to make you hold your piss as a power play.  You are not going to make it to the bathroom, don’t even try.  The sooner you give up, the sooner the humiliation is over.

Knives/Blood.  He aint gonna cut you to bits, but he will do small cuts here and there, his initials, depending on your pain tolerance he will manage his name (or at least part of it before it gets to be too much, he doesn’t want you crying unless you’re enjoying some part of the experience.)  He will lick the blood and smile at you like the bastard he is, blood on his chin and nose (depending on how close the cuts are together).  Pull him in for a kiss and he’ll fall more in love with you, that’s peak romance

Spit, spit, spit.  On your face, on your tongue, on your body, he doesn’t care.  If he’s drooling while fucking you, the idea of it dripping from his lips down to your body makes him want to cum immediately.  He will tap your chin to make you open your mouth and spit into it, he wants to see you swallow it and then open your mouth to show him.  He’ll laugh and call you disgusting for doing it, but it’s in the top 3 hottest things he’s ever seen you do. He also likes it if you spit Panta in his mouth but that’s solely just for you guys to know so sssshhhhhh.